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absolutebl · 2 months

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This Week in BL - It's 2024 & I'm talking about TayNew... really?

(They pretty much told us all to sit down and shut tf up, 'cause they got this. AND THEY DO.)

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Feb 2024 Wk 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube grey) ep 9 of 12 - I broke. In my defense, it was Monday, I needed comfort, and TayNew were right tf there. Ya know what? They are great in this show. It's a great adaptation. I might like it more than the JBL live action. You know why? Really, honestly WHY...?

That was a PHENOMENAL KISS. Those boys did Thailand fucking proud. They did fandom a solid. Thank you OGs for reminding us how it's done. I was getting used to SloppyHot. And SloppyHot has its place, but that TayNew rooftop kiss was a top tear class act. It was tender and sweet and respectful and joyful. It was eye work and breath work and years of practice. How very far BL has come while still staying so much the same. TayNew - I salute you!

(Read all about distribution issues here.)

The Sign (Sat YT) ep 12fin - we waiting, I guess? Bah.

Cooking Crush (Sun YT) ep 11 of 12 - The recipe book thing was so damn cute and I love a claiming. YOU KNOW I LOVE A CLAIMING!

In fact, I love OffGun.

I love food based BL.

I adored seeing a reboot of "the infamous dragging".

But I don’t love anything else about this show. Sigh.

1000 Years Old ep 1 of 12 - Finally we get our gay vampire BL from Feel Good Bangkok. Stars Shane (My Engineer) and fresh face Opal, directed by Champ (2gether). It’s kind of odd but enjoyable. A group of teen UFO seekers find a vampire instead. Opal looks a bit like a mix between Newnu + Leo (VIXX) - so cute + edge. Also, nice to see Shane again on our screens after so long.

Finally, I like the subtle (and sometimes not subtle) presence of ghosts permeating this show. Do the friends know she's there? Do they know she's dead? Is the existence of paranormal accepted but not that of aliens? Or are the two combined? Is this lazy writing or just fun world building? Who cares! It's enjoyable.

For Him (Thurs iQIYI) ep 12fin - the nail painting bit was very cutie queers and I've not seen it done in BL before, so that was nice. For some reason captions never dropped for me on this last episode, but it didn’t really matter. Not much happened and I understood everything anyway.

Quick pitch?

From the people who brought us Unforgotten Night based on a y-novel, about a young man nursing a heartbreak who has a one-night stand, but the other boy didn't want it to end. This turned out to be a pulp that wasn’t half as good as it should have been and even less memorable, but not terrible. 5/10 DON'T BOTHER unless you're v bored

City of Stars (Fri iQIYI) ep 3 of 12 - Oh it is such a pulp: the acting is not good and the script is terrible. Of course, I’m mildly enjoying it. Very good dream kissing. There's something appealing about these main characters - I think it's the moot crushes. We rarely get to see that. These days everything feels very one sided, this... isn't.

A Secretly Love (Thai WeTV) - Khonprot, a third-year hazer of the engineering faculty, has a secret crush on Pluem, a tsundere fourth-year head hazer. Over the years, he's seen Pluem cycle through girlfriends. Recently, after a public breakup, however, Khonprot thinks maybe a boy has a chance.

I tried but I can't get into my WeTV account anymore and I'm way too lazy to figure it out. I'll catch it grey if I can, since I've rebooted the bootlegging side of my BL life for Cherry Magic anyway.

So this show may stay in this section, or I may bump it down to "it's airing but..."

If anyone is watching it, let me know if it's good?

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Love For Love's Sake (Korea Weds iQIYI) 7-8fin - Ugh it was GREAT, despite some pretty telling flaws. I ended up feeling like some of the filming was amateurish (very overworked low angles - director's first feature, I assume), and the narrative is a little disjoined and on the nose, AND the subs are clumsy (which I don't expect from KBL) BUT I still loved it. (FYI - I wouldn't be so harsh on a BL for this kinda thing except one from Korea.)

Quick pitch:

This isekai-based KBL is about a man who must win a game by convincing a reserved teen outcast to fall in love with him. Of course, that teen represents himself and his own unhappiness. Like many queer narratives, this show is actually about self worth, trust, and found family, and it is VERY on the nose. But I don’t expect subtlety from my BL and I enjoyed it's truly lovely redemption arc and earnest performances. While I found the narrative a touch disjointed with overworked filming angles and poorer than average captions, this is certainly much better than early KBL in terms of consistency of tone, script, and immersion. Highly rewatchable and charming, which counts for a lot. 9/10

Trigger warning for suicide depicted.

Perfect Propose (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 4 of 6 - Gosh, it’s so lovely. But I do just constantly want to give them both hugs.

AntiReset (Taiwan Fri Viki/Gaga) ep 4 of 10 - Oh look, Taiwan has created yet another BL where I spend most of the time watching it grinning like an idiot. Surprise surprise. The pet name thing was fucking adorable. Also Taiwan once more proving they come by their "kings of kissing" title honestly. I mean to say. In a week of good kisses this one was just... WOW.

On the other hand, some of the underpinning themes are starting to v worry me (ownership, consent, age), and we only just got started, and I don't trust this production company so... I have concerns.

But also... YAY KISSES!

(I'm made of weak moral fiber.)

Although I Love You and You AKA Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 6 of 10 - Like many other shows on this list. I just enjoy it the most when the two leads are on screen together. So this episode was kind of lacking because they were apart for most of it. I also am starting to agree with the tone of the plot, that maybe they ARE better off as friends not lovers. (And I'm sure I'm not supposed to want that.) Oh Japan, must you?

My Strawberry Film (Japan Gaga) ep 1 of 8 - Oh it’s good. In the arthouse lane so don’t expect sweetness & light or an HEA. If there’s no cartoon aspect to a JBL, there’s usually no joy. But it is certainly good. Teens uncover some old film and a mystery around a pretty girl. The background music is wildly annoying (and rarely in the background).

It's Done

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - will binge when I have any spare time. 2024 is crazy busy for me so far.

The Servant and the Young Master - from Vietnam, it's on YouTube. I will give it a try when I have a window of time.

Began Beginning (Myanmar YouTube) - A Burmese BL? @heretherebedork vouched for it, so I will give it a watch.

7 Days Before Valentine (Weds WeTV) - Gave me Luminous Solution vibes have decided not to watch.

It's Airing But...

Dead Friend Forever (Thai iQIYI) - rumors are it's interesting. I'm waiting to know how it ends.

Ossans Love Season 2 (Japan Gaga) - 5 years later, will anything have changed? This is Japan so… probubly not. I won't be watching this. I disliked Season one and actively hated the follow ups. No thank you.

Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 14 eps - Dear Playboyy, it's not you, it’s me… I hate you. You’re about as deep (and as palatable) as a shot glass of cum. While I'm sure you’re someone’s kink, you're my weakest link. Goodbye. I DNFed this at ep 5. Frankly I'm impressed with myself for getting that far.

Time the series (Tue Gaga/YT) 10 eps - dropped it at ep 4.

Next Week Looks Like This:

2/24 Unknown (Taiwan Youku) 12 eps - Older brother tough guy breadwinner looks after his sister and defacto adopted little brother. Little bother falls in love with him and is sent away after a stolen kiss. But when he comes back…

Sam Lin has a cameo so even if I wasn't already excited, I'm in. We should be on our guard though, Taiwan will occasionally go edgy, dark, and sad... this could go there.

One assumes GMMTV is filling in the BL time slot with something queer on their YT Channel after Cooking Crush ends, they gonna lose subs if they don't. But I've not been paying attention to the chatter so I don't know which of their line-up it will be. I think G4 are filming/off radar now, and Earth is in that het noona thing? Plus they gotta sort out the IP for MIx-Up and Ossen. So it won't be one of the announced adaptations. They'll hold My Golden Blood for the high season, so I think it'll be one of the lesser known lead-outs. Wandee or Only Boo maybe? But they only just started filming those. Are we getting our long awaited GL? Anything else left from 2023 that I forgot about?

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Two crawling kisses from Thailand this week. Now this is a fetish I didn't know I had. Turns out, we love this one! (*waves hand in air* I speak for all of us now.)

Cooking Crush

City of Stars

Possibly the best tsundere to cinnamon roll pivot we've had in a long time.

Also the best asshole to KING pivot. Could we have a whole drama staring this character now? Please?

And finally our sunshine learning to love himself.

SIGH. what a lovely show.

And a good SMILEY kiss from a KBL.

And then some cute cuddles? Korea is spoiling me these days. I'm catching expectations now. What's next? Japan learns to kiss in their light BLs? Ha! I kill me.

(All Love for Love's Sake).

(Last week)

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lizzieisright · 2 months

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How can you support Palestine? It’s constantly ranked as one of the worst countries for lgbt rights/safety and people who are found out face death in many instances. A man was decapitated in the street for being found gay and gay sexual relations are illegal with a penalty of jail time… Who do you think you are crusading for? The reality is if you went there with a rainbow flag walking down the street you would not be ok. Queer people flee to Israel for safety because society there as in many Islamic regions is notoriously anti-lgbt. Israel bought their land and have every right to defend themselves contrary to what the people wanting to wipe out their entire country believe

Hello!

I support Palestine because every person has a right to live. Because what is happening is a genocide. It's a fact. You can argue about it to the kingdom come, but it's done by the book genocide and, since it's a fact, opinions can't change it.

With this being said, I'd like to address two specific points you made.

You can't shame me - or anyone who is queer and supports Palestine - by talking about hate crimes against queer people or describing them. Because before that you should look at your own country and check when was the last time a hate crime happened. I bet it'll be recent. Hate crimes and homophobia are not exclusive to arabic/muslim countries. This point of view is narrow minded at best and racist at worst - either by the lack of education or lack of interest in the world.

"The reality is if you went there with a rainbow flag walking down the street you would not be ok." - At this point I thought you might be a troll because saying this to me? I really am the wrong person to come to with this. I live in Russia. It's illegal to wear rainbow flags here and you will go to jail for it. Chechnya has torture camps for gay men. There's police raids in gay bars in Moscow happening regularly. Trans people are in danger of being forced to detransition. I live in the scenario above, you don't need to scare me with it out of supporting Palestine.

But my point is - I support Palestine as a queer even more as just a human, because I know what it means to live like this. Just because Palestinian queers might not be all loud and proud doesn't mean they don't exist; just because being gay is condemned and puts one's life at risk doesn't mean queers just suddenly stop existing.

And I also know - just as I have support here (my closest friends are straight women with traditional beliefs and they are very comfortable with me being gay, most people I know are not violently homophobic) Palestinian queers have their support, their communities and their people who love them and care for them. And they need our support as well. We don't get to turn our back on our fellow queers just because they happen to live in unsafe places. (and again, this kind of belief stinks of racism or of the need to broaden your worldview horizons. Believe me, the majority of queers are not white and don't live in lgbt-friendly countries)

"Israel bought their land and have every right to defend themselves contrary to what the people wanting to wipe out their entire country believe." My point in this is also really affected by me being Russian. (I'm sorry if some of you are uncomfortable with it, I can't really change it.)

You see, these reasons are very similar to what I've heard when Putin tried to justify the attack on Ukraine.

"Israel bought their land" is just as disgusting to me as "Ukraine didn't exist until 1991". "Israel has every right to defend themselves" is Putin's "We're defending ourselves against the collective West". Which is fucking nonsense.

And this is done by the book propaganda - and I'm not saying this because propaganda is a big word people like to throw around. I know this because I studied propaganda for my bachelor degree as a part of "changing public's opinion" course - me and my classmates were trained in this. They take some historical facts you can't deny or make an enemy out of someone (them vs us) and manipulate it to fit their rhetoric. Once you know how to recognise it you'll never not recognise it again.

Israel is not defending itself by targeting civilians and sniping children - they killed more children in these months than Russia in two years which is horrifying to me - they confirmed multiple times they want to erase Palestine from the face of the Earth. These words don't mean self-defence. It's a colonial power that really wants to show how powerful they are and how unstoppable they are. And again, I know this from the side of the colonial power. For me, people who side with Israel are the same people who side with Russia - and it makes me sick.

Also please don’t assume that people who support Palestine want to destroy Israel, this is again, very narrow minded. Saving people from genocide by committing another genocide? This is plainly stupid. The world is not black and white, it's more complicated than just taking sides. I'll give an example: I'm queer and I know I'll be in danger if I ever come to Dagestan (close to Chechnya) - but dagestan people fund rise to send humanitarian aid to Palestine and I donate to them, because people are dying and I don't really care if people who'll help them are homophobic to me. Because it's not about me.

But there are moments in history when you need to take a stand, and I will not stand with Israel. (or Russia for that matter)

Anyway. Stand with Ukraine. Free Palestine.

#palestine #free palestine #abby anderson x reader #don't come to me with the same points all zionists have; I've heard way worse said to my face irl #and especially don't weave queer safety into it

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three-cheers-for-my-balls · 1 month

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MY FAVORITE RTC QUOTES

when you've been alone as long as i have, you tend to anthropomorphize your friends. (karnak)

-If you believe both armrests are yours exclusively, you are part of the problem. (karnak)

-even in competition against yourself, you can still walk away a loser (ocean)

-he was inspired by traditional african folk music, specifically the lion king (constance)

-raise a middle finger to that most ruthless adjudicator called time (karnak)

-i hope i wiped my browser history clean (constance)

-democracy rocks! (ocean)

-i trade mostly in prophecies that dont make any sense until they actually do (karnak)

-even in death i can't escape her- she's followed me to the afterlife! (noel)

-well played satan, well played (noel)

being the only gay man in a small rural highschool is like having a laptop in the stone ages. sure you can have one but theres nowhere to plug it in (noel)

When a lioness has children, she sops making love to the lion. the lion gets jealous, sometimes so jealous he eats the children. You think this would upset the lioness. far from it. they make love again like the children never existed. (jane/penny)

-noooo i cant get any wifi up in this bitch (mischa)

-my gansta persona is only armour to conceal the fact that i am naked child wandering through the wilderness holding in my hands my wounded fragile heart (mischa)

-that was wack (mischa)

-i dont know how it is in your culture but in ours, playing games with peoples lives? super illegal (ocean)

-if its yellow, let it mellow. if its brown scoop it out with your hand and put it in the compost (karnak)

-some people are right wing, some people are left wing but last time i checked it takes 2 wings to fly. we are community we are family, we are the world (ocean)

-what you need is a fother-mucking hero (ocean)

-your cousin was in grade 4 he had to get his stomach pumped (ocean)

-you challenged my preconcieved notion that all gay dudes are fun to be around (ocean)

-OHHHH sweet jesus christ. on a bike. (noel)

-its like a slurpee woodstock (noel)

-a s.xual provacetour and a novelist. who never wrote a novel. or had sex (noel)

-GOD DAMMIT CAN YOU KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS FOR ONE SECOND YOU HORRIBLE SUCCUBUS (noel)

-that was DOOOOOPEE YOOOOO (mischa)

-mad wicked awesome! (mischa)

-fornication under consent of the king (jane/penny)

-in my country it is natural for 2 men to show affection by kissing… not always in heels (mischa)

-theres a difference between affection and smut (ocean)

-not in my bible baby, bonsoir (noel)

mine will only have profanity in chorus (mischa)

-little orphan a hole (mischa)

-teen sex? kills (ocean)

-porno is magical (ricky)

whattt just because im all gangsta dont automatically make me homophobic. its not cool to be homophobe in rap game anymore since macklemore dropped same love. that sh.t was emotionally devastativing yo. (mischa)

he turned to the last fashion of pure stregnth and masculinity in society, self agrandizing commercialized hiphop (karnak)

grab yo dicks if you in the 306 bruh (mischa)

-autotune will never die (mischa)

-my rage has subsided, i am vulnerable now (mischa)

and that is why not everybody should have a library card! and you should vote for me (ocean)

and this is why you both SUCKED at math (ocean)

-on the other hand, given the context of german history, being a party spoiler might be a good thing. (karnak)

-i guess you could say im pretty sexy on another planet (ricky)

i told you moneky lovedrop (ricky)

-life is hard enough without making up reasons to be dicks to each other (ricky)

-incredible~ (ricky)

-theres only one commandment in the bachelor man bible: dont be a dick (ricky)

-we listen to you now space jesus (mischa)

#ride the cyclone #mischa bachinski #noel gruber #ocean o'connell rosenberg #constance blackwood #ricky potts #penny lamb #jane doe rtc #karnak

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touchstoneaf · 4 months

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Like... I know I've said it already. But I just can't get over it. It's really hit me, I think? That we get to have characters who are queer and they don't die. We get to have characters that are old and queer and don't have AIDS; because we've lost so many but now the next generation of queer elders doesn't have that same struggle. We've had some victories. We get to see them reflected on screen. We get to have characters who are baby gays who don't angst about coming out. For whom figuring out themselves does not include a life sentence or even a death sentence. We have people who are just living in Joy on these shows. They get to enjoy Being Themselves, whatever their gender, and whoever and however they love. No one hates them for it. Anybody who does is very clearly the bad guy or not important. I just...

I know that a lot of younger people are like, "Yeah obviously". The same generation who are so beautifully welcoming about any gender expression whatever. For whom being some flavor of gay is as normalized as being mixed race. But for those of us who are older, we are just like... this is the future we thought we would never see. This is the future the righties were scared of when they said that being queer was going to become (Horror!) too mainstream if they let us be legalized. If they let our lives be legalized. Which obviously is a tenuous thing and we have to keep paying attention to it, but still; in the moment? This is miraculous. This is that thing that we always talked about like, "someday maybe we'll see media where gay people don't die. Maybe someday we'll see media where trans people don't automatically die or have miserable fucking lives. Maybe someday we'll feel represented in media". But it was like a pipe dream. We never thought it actually would happen. And we HAVE that now. Just stop and think about that before we go back to work. Take a moment to just bask in the fact that it Exists.

Everything is a Next Step before we go to work to get the next thing fixed, but at least we are standing higher and higher on the staircase now. Our platform has lifted up to where it's visible... and people are not throwing anything at us as much anymore; and the people who do our dinosaurs who will die out eventually. This is proof of it. I'm just I'm so happy and I don't even know what to do with it. I just don't understand how we got here even though I was a part of it... but the representation is so incredibly awesome. I'm happy for every group that's getting to experience this feeling, whether it's because they're Black or Muslim or a Latinx or Native or any time it happens. I want this good feeling to be here for all of our brothers and sisters and neuters and others, and I want it to be forever. And... it scares me because we Have it RN. It's like, finally we have something that they can take away. And I know in real life they're taking away things all the time. So it's like, don't be too happy with the fiction when we still have to fight for the reality. I know there are people still dying out there. It's a weird dichotomy, and it's kind of a brain schism... but I just really think that it's great that we get to celebrate this even for a few minutes before we go back to work.

#good omens #ofmd #rwrb #lokius #dr who #representation matters #queer joy #queer liberation

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bummie4dummies · 9 days

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as long as there is an ocean ✧ read on ao3

the abyssal plains of tommy's subconscious are littered with the carcasses of his father's favorite adages.

no matter how valiant his attempts have been to pry them free — and despite the meticulous, delicate nature of his methods — it seems that many of the sea-skeletons have been left sitting beyond salvation, now inextricable from waterlogged sediment. they're too far-sunk to extract safely; if lucky enough not to crumple like a sheet of discarded tissue paper on the journey down, he'd explode his lungs to red mist on the way back up to the surface. it's almost easier if he imagines them this way, as broken fragments of corpses too fragile to exhume:

the fleshy tissue of a half-eaten squid — actions speak louder than words. the crushed shell of an unfortunate lobster — beggars can't be choosers. the rotting remains of a clever eel — boys who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. the ribcage and spine of a starved shark — do as i say, not as i do.

one saying in particular has been mummifying for longer than the others, a giant humpback frozen in a state of watery decay, embalmed in the sandy gunk of his darkest trenches — keep your shoulders straight and your head on straighter. oft punctuated with a caustic, kid.

it's pretty ironic, considering the fact that tommy kinard has nary a straight bone in his body. maybe that's why the line burrowed itself so thoroughly into the deepest, slimiest crooks of the substrate of his mind, slow-growing algae coating the slippery crevices of his hippocampus to rankle him perpetually. tommy hasn't spoken directly with his old man in years; these days he couldn't if he wanted to, or at least not without a ouija board and an uncharacteristic flair for masochism, neither of which he cares to equip himself with.

nevertheless, the phantom whale fall of his father's most-reliable phrase continues to nourish the last hungry, lonely fish left scouring the ocean floor of tommy's mind. nearly every move he makes is centered around practicality, every decision sewn together by threads of vigilance and observation.

with nearly four decades of practice and application under his belt, he's gotten good at keeping his shoulders straight, and gay as he may be, he thinks his head's on just fine, although such would be a contradictory and controversial statement upon the ears of one thomas kinard, senior. thankfully he'll never have to hear it.

tommy can live with his own amendment to the man's words because tommy knows himself and therefore knows the truth. his posture is excellent and he's a considerably level-headed guy. he can't be straight; he doesn't want to be. what he can be is pragmatic. he can be logical, he can be useful, he can be rational. he can be quite capable and, as it turns out, even likable. he can be funny, and charming, and vulnerable with the right people. he can be queer, he can be gay, he can be loved, he can love. he can become without becoming unmoored.

for thirty-some good years, tommy kinard does a bang-up job at keeps his shoulders straight and his head on just fine. he's pushing forty when he meets evan buckley and eddie diaz.

───────────────

evan buckley and eddie diaz exist as a singular entity within the confines of tommy's skull. two sides of the same coin, grumbles the detached jaw of an imaginary anglerfish.

it takes some effort to extract one from the other, but tommy finds ways. over mutual interests in muay thai, basketball, and helicopters, he and eddie become fast friends. over mutual interests in each other's inquisitive minds, curious hands, and wanting mouths, he and evan become even faster lovers.

he makes out with one of them, roughhouses with the other; it all feels the same, gets identical synapses firing. he knocks eddie to the mat, steals spit-flecked exhales off of the inches of air near his wild-grinning lips and brings them home for buck to drink down, licking them into his ravenous mouth, delivering him secrets to unwittingly swallow. he smelts himself down to the base and seeps in between them, liquid copper in the nickel sandwich of their clad coin.

it isn't until tommy's got both of them sprawled out on his couch one night, months into his increasingly complex relationships with each of them, that he truly starts to grasp how evan and eddie might exist as a singular entity outside of his skull, too.

top gun's ending credits march, sans serif ants, to the glowing edge of tommy's television screen. fuzzy, synthetic white-blue haze pours into the room and across the skin of buck and eddie's limbs and faces in a manner that makes tommy think of marble hewn painstakingly into handsome statue, of rock tumbled smooth by a patient, perpetual stream, ever-flowing towards the sea.

tommy thinks, i could be a sculptor. i could be a river.

copper in the nickel.

the two men are draped across his sectional like lions in the sun, impenitent and unabashed in the way they take up space, in the way they take up each other. buck's legs are long, stretched out along multiple cushions, his head heavy on tommy's lap. eddie, on the opposite end of the couch from tommy, started out the evening upright, but the drone of the movie — combined with tommy's easy laughter and the literal and figurative warmth pouring off of buck — had helped to coax a more relaxed posture out of him. now he slouches deep into the pillows, legs spread wide to knock up against buck's bare feet where his sweatshorts ride up his quads. tommy almost expects the point of contact between the pair of them to spark, start a blaze that would surely incinerate the three of them in spite of their résumés.

his heart's been a tinderbox for long enough that he can usually recognize flint even when it's disguised as water; the thirst that parches him convinces him it's worth attempting a sip without regard of probable risk.

he lets out a long exhale and drops a hand to card through evan's hair, half-listens to eddie babble on about how the shots of the F14 fighter jets are still so cool all these years later. he's beaming like a kid the whole time, sunshine-ray of a smile gleaming straight at buck.

tommy watches as buck can't help but smile right back, and god, if the energy radiating off of them could be harnessed for physical usage, tommy would never have a utility bill again in his life. he watches, enraptured, as buck flexes and curls his toes against the soft dark hairs of eddie's thigh, pressing dents into his skin. watches as eddie presses back.

eddie falters in his warplane musings when buck's foot skids over and catches in the edge of his shorts.

buck says, "sorry," not convincingly.

eddie clears his throat and drags his gaze from the arch of buck's foot resting against his leg up buck's calf, to his knee, to where the exposed pale of his thigh disappears behind them hem of his shorts. he takes his time wandering up the rest of buck's body, lingering especially at the relaxed curve of his dick under loose cotton fabric, the relaxed curve of his gently parted lips. finally he meets buck's answering stare and blinks, languid, like he's searing something into his memory, buck-shaped sunspots in his retinas. he says, "no big deal," not convincingly.

before tommy's eyes, water transmutes into flint and back into water and over again, metamorphosing in a churning lazy whirl. it dizzies him, blurring his vision until there is no difference between the two; there's just a murky charcoal pool, molten obsidian shimmering like glass, rippling like the surface of an ocean less haunted than the one sloshing in his cerebrum.

an ocean glinting with the reflection of two incandescent stars careening towards each other at a devastating rate, a spectacle to behold.

relaxing his shoulders, tommy orders them to, "kiss," more certain than ever. when they hesitate, he adds, "each other," bracing himself for the likelihood of a stellar collision.

when eddie clambers on top of buck and leans down to crush their lips together, pushing his head down against tommy's thighs, pushing tommy out of his own, it feels more like the calm soar and twinkling glitter of a shooting star against the navy velvet sky, the soft crash of a wave against the edge of a silky coast.

there's no threat of unkind flame, no exploding celestial dust.

it feels like water.

tommy kneels at the sacred place where the luminous sea laps at the heavenly shoreline and drinks, and drinks, and drinks.

───────────────

drinks become shots become wandering hands in the generous backseat of a stranger's car, an obvious cocktail to use as a scapegoat for the hammering beneath tommy's breastbone. the depths of his mind bubble up with, trust your gut, not your heart.

he has mixed feelings about that one, but at present he's not sure he can trust any singular part of his corporeal form, so at least it half-applies.

hearts and guts aside, tommy is starkly aware that things between buck and eddie may be escalating a bit beyond his feasible reach. he'd come into the evening equipped with the knowledge that he's successfully constructed his own internal witch's cottage of cake shingles and sugared windowpanes in this questionable "date" night between the three of them, however mutually agreed upon the night may be. he's self-aware enough to understand that he's destined to walk himself straight back into it, naïve as hansel and gretel without the excuse of not knowing better.

he just hadn't realized how famished he's become, and how tempting his own makings would look.

with buck seated comfortably between himself and eddie, tommy has no real access to eddie outside of the smush of knuckles-on-upper-arm from the hand he's got slung around buck's shoulder. as per usual the concept of space does not seem to exist between the other men, and tommy's fingertips get wedged so tightly between their limbs that it feels like with just a little more effort, maybe they could do some damage. the sick, private, bourbon-drenched gutters of his mind surmise that maybe he'd let them.

he watches as they exchange a heated look and a hotter liplock, uncertain as to whether he'll ever get used to witnessing them like this. in the weeks following the fated night of their little home movie screening, tommy's been lucky enough to encourage and initiate several more exchanges of both kisses and conversation among the three of them.

"i... still want to be with you," evan had mumbled against his chest, as they laid in bed together the morning after their tag-team makeouts with eddie to the soundtrack of top gun's menu screen music on a muffled loop.

"i had hoped," was tommy's response. after a beat, "and eddie?"

buck had peered up at tommy, eyes so earnest and open and stupidly fucking blue. "yeah, yes, eddie," he'd said, almost apologetic. "i— i do want to be with eddie," like he had to.

"i know," tommy had told him, the organs in his abdomen heaving tumultuously. "it's okay, evan," he'd said, his heart a hummingbird fluttering frantic. like the idea wasn't sending his ribcage collapsing in on itself, he'd even managed, "i can leave whenever you're ready for me to go." he'd assumed all along that he was on borrowed time; couldn't be a beggar and a chooser.

buck, with love bursting forth from every single inch of his being, with more than enough to go around, had admitted to wanting tommy to stay, if tommy would be okay with it. he pitched the idea that they could talk to eddie, try this together, give it an honest shot.

tommy had flashed back to a childhood history lesson on the u.s. mint where he learned that certain coins aren't made in layers, but instead by melting all of the metals together to become a solitary slab. his copper edges fuse further into mirroring ponds of nickel.

three sides of the same coin, he'd thought to himself. imagine that.

"god, eddie," buck rasps now, voice low, clandestine enough to stay in the backseat. "want you so fuckin' bad."

eddie's answering, "jesus, buck, i— want you, too," honest and shameless, snaps tommy fully back into the present moment in perfect timing.

their rideshare driver whips into the driveway of tommy's house, personified stress wearing a thin windbreaker of customer service as he vocally ushers them out of the car — ahem, looks like we're here, have a pleasant rest of your evening, goodbye. as eddie and buck tumble out of the passenger's side rear door in a picture of resolute gracelessness, tommy, clutching stubbornly onto an ounce of awareness, pauses to give a rearview-mirror nod of thanks to the weary-eyed dude white-knuckling the steering wheel. he promises a significant gratuity for bearing with their shenanigans and lets himself out on the driver's side of the car.

while he steadies himself on his feet, gravel crackles under the wheels of the gratefully retreating sedan, headlight beams fading to shadow. tommy observes the silhouette of the inelegant, eight-limbed, two-headed harbinger-creature making its way to his home's front entrance in a clumsy tangle and waits for his innards to spike with fear, with reluctance. he meanders up the drive and overturns every stone lining the path to his warranted doom, expecting to find the tattered shreds of his decomposing clarity, or maybe a colony of vicious fire ants. all he finds is fertile, loamy earth, rife with potential.

he stumbles up his porch stairs and unlocks the door when he gets there, opening it for the lot of them to fall through together.

───────────────

together on tommy's mattress, buck and eddie writhe and moan and curse. they haven't been able to break apart since toppling out of the backseat. they kiss like it's the very thing keeping them alive.

from where he's snuggled up to buck's back, tommy's got a front row seat for the premiere screening of his most-likely demise. he can see the saliva bubblling on the edges of eddie's tongue as he smears it from buck's throat all the way to the cap of his shoulder, a glistening snail trail scattered through with blooming bruises he'd sucked into buck's skin minutes before. he can hear every wet catch of buck's breath in his throat, every soft grunt eddie lets out into against it, every exhale shared between them.

tommy's head spins, so god damn far from being on straight. he feels like a balloon released into the wind, miles above the cold and familiar waters of his deep-ocean, stranded somewhere in the high desert of his psyche. loose dry earth kicks up in a vortex around him, carried by the tempest of his culminating untended emotions. when the dust cloud settles enough for him to think, he recalls the term raison d'être.

it's french, that's why it sounds fancy, is what his father had said to teenage tommy, long before he'd cared to even attempt a grasp on the concept. he'd been moody, hormonal, and wildly, spitefully uninterested in all of the things the man he shared a name with held so dear. rolled his eyes at the gruff, translates to 'reason for being.'

"buck, buck, c'mon," is what eddie says as he scrabbles for a good grip on buck's shirt, taking fistfuls of fabric and wrenching it over buck's head in a frenzy. says, "come here," like buck isn't already melded into him, bare torsos flush, thighs slotted close. says, "come here," again, and it registers that eddie is calling for tommy, too.

tommy eyes snap onto eddie's across the naked curve of buck's shoulder to find them scalding. "fuck," he breathes out, "okay," like it's permission enough for all of them.

for now, it will suffice.

the skin stretched over buck's bulky trap muscle is tacky with eddie's spit when tommy sets his mouth against it, bursting salty-bitter on his tastebuds. buck whimpers into eddie's mouth and grinds his ass back against tommy's crotch; eddie's hips follow after them in a sinuous roll. into the blushing hollow of his ear tommy asks buck if he'd like to feel eddie inside of him, makes sure it's just loud enough for eddie to hear, too. he feels eddie's ankle hook around his own, overlapped with buck's.

"please, yes," urges buck, fervent and wanton, lust and liquor fraying the last threads of his hesitancy. "i've been wanting that."

"you have?" eddie asks, as tommy says, "he has."

"god." context aside, eddie's tone is reverent. he says it again, as though the word is synonymous with buck's name. then, like it's still a secret to himself, admits, "i've been wanting you, too."

buck groans and shifts, or maybe it's eddie — as tommy's faculties render off in the burn of both the top-shelf whiskey in his bloodstream and buck and eddie's immediate intimacy, it becomes progressively more challenging for him to distinguish the fine details. it all feels the same, gets identical synapses firing.

he tracks eddie's movements as he smooths a hand down buck's side, sure and attentive, as natural as breathing. when he keeps moving south to bump his fingertips up against the waistband of buck's jeans and the boxers beneath, buck's breath hitches, hips jerking. tommy tilts against them in pursuit.

eddie asks, "can i?" and it's double the approval he's seeking.

"yeah, eddie, please," buck begs again while tommy nods, delirious with overwhelm.

in an uncoordinated jumble, eddie gets buck flat on his back and makes himself a home between his open-lolling legs. right away his palms return to the broad planes of buck's chest, the curves of his strong stomach, the slight slants of his hips. he makes constellations out of kisses on buck's collarbone, his nipples, in the divot of his sternum.

it looks as close to worship as anything tommy's seen.

tommy wonders if it's worth telling eddie how he'd taken his time working evan open that morning, fucking him deep and thorough so he'd be easier for eddie to push inside of now. if it's worth telling eddie how he'd come, sudden and hard and so fucking good, from thinking about buck taking him so readily.

when eddie's devout, trembling fingers struggle to unclasp the button of buck's jeans, tommy decides to backburner the dirty talk. instead, he rests a hand on top of eddie's, gentle yet authoritative, and says, "let me help."

buck's hips lift for tommy's hands without second thought, making it simple to shuck the pants off of him as eddie shimmies out of his own. before he can even process the sight of evan buckley and eddie diaz naked, together, on his own mattress, tommy's met with twinning expectant gazes and understands that he's meant to strip, too.

"i—" thought i would stay on the sidelines, he tries to say. but as seconds pass under the scrutiny of the other men, the reluctance dies in his larynx, and he jostles around a bit until the denim of his pants is bunched down low enough to free his dick.

he's too preoccupied by the fact that he's got both objects of his affection directly in front of him, touching and loving on each other and spilling all of it onto him, to truly comprehend the magnitude of the moment. his head is so far into the atmosphere that he almost misses eddie say, "tell me what to do, tommy."

re-tethered to the earth by the string of eddie's voice, tommy doesn't miss buck's impatient, "aw, c'mon, eddie, just get in me." his desperate, "need you," is clear as day, clear as his afternoon sky irises, brighter against the rosy blush ruddying his cheekbones. he's always so damn pretty when he pleads.

tommy glimpses down at buck's dick, finds it stiff and pink and already leaking a mess onto his belly; he flicks across to the heft of eddie's where it rests heavy in the lax grip of his own hand. it's a beautiful cock, flushed dark and filled out, not quite as thick as tommy's but a nice, proportionate size. tommy knows buck will unfurl for him at once, a blossom to the morning sun.

meeting the bonfire of eddie's anticipative stare, tommy decides to say, "it won't take much, i got him ready for you this morning. right, baby?"

if buck could nod any more vigorously, he might snap his vertebrae. he adjusts the angle of his hips a little to make more of his ass visible, scoots onto a pillow so that he can prop himself up enough to get a better hold on eddie's waist.

"jeeesus," drawls eddie — a rare slip of his honeyed-rye texas lilt — and then, like he can't help it, "christ." his eyes rake down buck's body, idling on his twitching dick before trailing further, like he'll be able to find evidence: tommy was here.

that makes tommy smirk. he wishes he could keep his instructions ambiguous, left up for eddie's interpretation, something like he can handle whatever you're willing to give him. instead, mindful of the fact that this is largely uncharted territory for eddie, he suggests, "start with your fingers, you won't hurt him."

tommy's trusty bottle of nightstand lube is within convenient reach, making it no trouble to squeeze and slather some across eddie's fingers with a lewd jerk. a bit of extra coats the side of tommy's hand and he uses it to rub along the cleft of buck's ass, prompting a shiver out of him.

"there you go," tommy rumbles, "nice and wet."

the synchronous broken moan that the two let out when eddie finally finds the courage to nudge his fingers into buck is one that will most likely play like a broken-record loop within the walls of tommy's skull forever from this moment forward, for better or for worse.

buck promises, "i can take more," with the bleeding edge of a prayer still present in his tone. "i want more, want you, eddie, come on. it's alright, you can fuck me, you're not gonna break me."

eddie asks, "are you sure?" dually directed.

"never been more sure," buck affirms, as tommy says, "trust him, he knows his own limits," all the while knowing he can't make the same claim about himself.

regardless, he casts himself into the riptide, plummets into the undertow and captures buck's lips in a greedy kiss. he licks behind buck's teeth and drinks up his whines as eddie rides his dick along the slick valley of buck's asscheeks. before he even pushes inside, buck's making these fucking tiny wounded noises that make tommy's heart swell and cock throb.

when eddie lines up and sinks, at last, into the place inside of buck that tommy has come to learn and know and adore, buck breaks away from tommy's kiss with something close to a genuine sob. one of his hands finds one of tommy's, the other still firm on eddie's waist, keeping both of them close. he's got a leg hitched up over one of eddie's hips for better leverage, and his toes curl when eddie starts to move, shallow and slow.

eddie's name has never sounded better to tommy's ears than it does falling out of buck's lips now.

"buck." eddie's tone is reverent. he says it again, as though buck's name is synonymous with god, the two a singular entity within the confines of his skull.

tommy nearly has to look away from them, they blaze so brightly. evan buckley and eddie diaz, starfire contained in terrestrial form, crashing and combining and dazzlingly white-hot.

───────────────

white-hot aftershocks zap through tommy's nervous system as he sits at the edge of the mattress, back turned to the two other men. his fingers are gooey with spatters of buck's come mixed with his own, his softening dick sensitive and sticky as his entire body pulses from the dopamine spike of his orgasm. being a spectator to eddie and buck's otherworldly connection — and a helping hand in their ridiculously hot, intimate sex — has him feeling triply unmoored.

he's supposed to be getting them something hydrating to drink; he'd been the one to offer after eventually peeling himself free from the gordian knot of their bodies. evan always gets thirsty after, in particular when he gets a little teary from the pleasure overload, so tommy figures he could use a glass of cold water. they all could.

he tries to will his legs to stand; he finds his knees locked. impulse turns him inward and sweeps him cliffside on the tallest peak of his high desert mountain range. there, he can stand with his shoulders in repose and head in the clouds, squinting far into the distance where he can decipher the unmistakable expanse of an ocean that glints with the reflection of two incandescent stars careening towards each other at a devastating rate. a ghostly whale breaches the surface for a flash, a mere speck on the horizon from here, vanished before its presence totally registers.

his heavy eyelids flutter shut and he mulls, achingly, over the term raison d'être.

he can hear buck and eddie behind him exchanging lazy, smacking kisses and sweet murmured praises.

"you made that so good for me, thank you."

"mm, you were pretty fuckin' good yourself. now come kiss me some more."

the sounds and sentiments soak into tommy's soul like they're meant for him. his lips tingle as though the press of another mouth is against them; his ears warm as eddie waxes on about how fucking glorious that all felt. his heart swoops at evan's quiet, bashful laugh.

upon opening his eyes the fog in his line of sight clears, and even through a blur of unwanted tears he can clearly recognize that he is no longer in the desert but in the sacred place where the luminous sea laps at the heavenly shoreline. the call of the waves isn't far off at all — the surf is actually rippling at his toes, splashing at his knees and calves. he's been here since the night that eddie diaz kissed evan buckley in his lap, feet sunken into silt, warm tides rising and falling around him.

translates to 'reason for being.'

"come back to us, tommy," summons eddie, as evan's hands reach out and welcome him back down to their mess of rumpled sheets and sweaty limbs.

tommy thinks, i could be a river, and lets himself melt into the embrace of their current, stream into ocean, copper into nickel.

#bucktommy #buddie #bummie #this is so fucking extra. lmao #i was in my emo poetry feelings while writing okay #healing something in my teenage soul #i don't actually imagine them being quite *this* dramatic and complicated in actuality but god. is it a joy to write lmao #but i think it still has a happy(?) ending?? lmfao #idk. i just love writing messy + melodramatic + emotionally claustrophobic things #threw a whole kitchen sink of comparisons at the walls of this one and for better or worse many of them stuck ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#also this does feature some of my more unkind headcanons about tommy's father and related issues lmao #the gc is the originator/authority of the fact that our beloved tommy is not the first in a line of tommy kinards #and i personally believe that tommy had/has a contentious and complicated relationship with his family - namely his dad #and that he may or may not have a relationship with him at all anymore (obviously not in this fic because i decided to be over-the-top af)#but yeah #anyway #mine #oh and just a heads up - ao3 has proper capitalization and tags

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kalgalen · 1 year

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Open letter to my mother

(or, a rebuttal to the 1k email my mom sent me about my upcoming transition. Tw: transphobia, self-harm)

First, and I say this will all the love in the word (and an healthy dose of disbelief): what the fuck is wrong with cis people?

I'm gonna skip right over the fact that you had the gall to call this a "text analysis" when you actually dedicated only one paragraph to actually describing the text I got published and used the rest to utterly dismiss my community and I. That disappointment, though, is nothing compared to the anger and grief that the rest of your email has awaken in me.

You talk about respect, but you refuse to respect my decision to make my own body more comfortable to me. Worse than that, you disrespect my friends by deciding you get to be the judge determining who conforms to your outdated ideas on gender enough to be allowed to transition. How dare you?

Speaking of daring, how dare you imply that we, the LGBTQIA community, need to be more tolerant and inclusive of people who don't understand us? Do you realize that in many cases it means they want our death? You're a white woman. You've never had to deal with a huge portion of the population wanting you to stop existing, or at least to stop "putting your identity in everyone's faces" - aka, essentially, to (hope you guessed it) stop existing. I'm not asking for understanding from every single old crusty conservative guy, just that they leave us the fuck alone.

You make wild assumptions about me in your email. Do you really think my therapist helped me accept myself? I only came out to her last year when I decided to medically transition, because I was finally confident in my ability to make that choice. We had never talked about gender before. Why would you want to take that away from me? Why would that "self-respect" you're talking about entail me going back on my steps? Why can't it be about me embracing my identity, making my body mine in a way that doesn't involve self-harming?

On that subject, you've never shown concern when I was cutting into my arms on the daily. You acknowledged it, sure, but what did you do except demand that I stop? You have no right to criticize my choice of changing my body. You lost it long ago.

You encouraged me to get a breast reduction last year when I started the process of wanting to transition. You still thought I was cis then, but since it was a surgery for cis people, it was fine and dandy. Now that I want to cut it all off so I don't have to deal with binders anymore (which are indeed quite dangerous for the person wearing them, not to mention uncomfortable) you believe you can go against that. You have to see how irrational that is.

You talk about detransitioners but I'm willing to bet you haven't done more research past "some people regret transitioning." Do you know most people stop transitioning because of transphobia? You, cis people, are killing us one way or another.

Why do you fucking think you can explain gender to me. "We all have a part of masculinity and femininity inside of us" yeah no kidding?? You're telling that to a nonbinary person, that's the whole concept (although not only - but I won't get into it since it'll just confuse you more.) You dare "explaining" to me what androgynity is and why it would "fit me more". You think your couple of hours of half-assed research are enough to compare with my lived experience? With my discussions with like-minded people? With decades of self-determination by a community that is older than you? Also fuck you for implying I've only decided to call myself nonbinary because it's "fun". You don't know anything.

You ask me if sexuality is involved in choosing a gender - and it might be for some but newsflash, trans gay people exist. Additionally, I am asexual - not that you bothered to do research about that. "Before loving a sex we love a way to be, a philosophy, a way to think" fuck off I've known that since I was old enough to fall in love.

Anyways. You'll never read this, because you would only think I'm throwing a tantrum - because you're so sure you're right, and not ready to listen. Whatever, I don't give a shit. I will try and answer your concerns later when I'm not so pissed off, but for the moment I cannot help you.

Lovingly, your child.

#perso #transgender #ok to rb #actually - encouraged to be rb #don't let me be alone in my rage

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nychthemeron-rants · 1 month

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Daddy Angel AU

Niffty's mom:

Niffty's mother in this AU is a Japanese American woman named Hana Tanaka living in Brooklyn, New York. She worked as a seamstress in Angel's gang's territory.

Hana was a close friend of Molly's in life, and this is how Angel met her. Due to Angel being much more respectful to women than any of the other gangsters, being very charming, and protecting her and the rest of Molly's other friends from some creeps once she developed a huge crush on him. Eventually, everyone except for Angel figures out her crush because she isn't subtle, but Angel is too preoccupied and gay to think anything of it.

Then, one night, Molly and her friends were drinking at a bar that Angel's gang owned at the same time as Angel and some of the other gang members. Angel's buddies start giving him shit for never having a girlfriend and never pursuing women, and soon the teasing starts heading to "prove you aren't gay" territory. Since at this point its common knowledge Hana has a thing for Angel, they point him to her as someone who'd be easy to seduce. And she is.

After, Angel feels horrible and guilty. He admits he only had sex with her to get his buddies off his ass, and that he doesn't want anything more with her, that he views her as a great woman, but just not his type. Hana is crushed but asks if they can stay friends. When Angel agrees, she has him swear not to go around telling people what happened, given the repercussions of a woman losing her virginity before marriage in the 1930s. Angel swears.

A while later, Hana finds out she's pregnant. Still single, she panics and goes to Angel to see one last time if there is any chance he'd be open to a relationship. He says no, and when she presses, he says says that she's a great woman who deserves a man who will actually be able to love and provide for her, two things he can't do. She relents and leaves without ever mentioning she's pregnant.

Next that Angel hears of her its Molly telling him that she's moving to New Jersey. Angel is disappointed because he did consider her a friend but doesn't think much of it.

Meanwhile, Hana had told Molly everything, and Molly swears to be a good auntie, even if Hana doesn't want Angel to know that he's the dad. Over the years, Molly and Hana keep in touch, send letters, call, and occasionally meet up. Angel mostly hears and communicates with her through Molly. He even has seen pictures of her and her daughter, though he thinks its odd that her husband is never in any of the photos...

Niffty is born when Angel and Hana are both about 20, Angel dies at 35, when Niffty is 15, still under the assumption that Hana married and had Niffty with a husband that doesn't exist. Hana is upset by this news but had long since moved on and only mourns him as a friend and mourns that Niffty will now never get to meet her father.

Hana never marries. She raises her daughter, Niffty, as a single mother by claiming her husband died and she's too grief-stricken to remarry. Its extremely hard, but despite all odds they pull through. This is especially miraculous as Niffty has always been very clearly mentally ill and people had pressured Hana to institutionalize her. In fact, this threat is a large part of why she never remarried, a husband could send Niffty away without Hana's consent. Hana instead did everything she could to help and protect Niffty and got her all the way into adulthood.

She encourages Niffty to go to college, both to find a husband and to get an education so she has options if she can't find a husband. Unfortunately for them both, Niffty does find a husband early on and drops out to marry him.

Hana can tell that this asshole is bad news, but she can't get through to Niffty. So the marriage goes through. She makes her daughter's wedding dress.

Suddenly she barely hears from her daughter and after only a few years she gets a call that Niffty had killed her husband and had been arrested. And then in what felt like a blink of an eye her baby had not only been institutionalized after years of trying to prevent exactly that, but she had died from a botched lobotomy.

Wracked with grief, Hana moves back to New York to be with friends and family. There, she spends the rest of her life as a beloved pillar of the community and maintaining her friendship with Molly, serving as an aunt to her kids. She passed peacefully in her 80s and now resides in heaven, still friends with Molly after all this time. However, she is horrified by the knowledge that Niffty is in hell.

#Daddy Angel AU #hazbin niffty #niffty hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel au #hazbin au #niffty #niffty's mom #hazbin oc #hazbin #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel angel dust #hazbin angel dust #long post #tw lobotomy

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discyours · 1 year

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I am sorry if its too much, you dont have to answer. For some reason i feel so deeply defeated and inadequate, i love my partner who is a female, as am i. and sometimes i cant stop thinking of how nature intended her to be with a male, not with me. I know this must sound stupid, i dont know how to get over when those thoughts hit, of how sexed bodies are made to be together, the sexual organs compliment each other in form, to connect and give pleasure, reproduce. Even if i couldnt care less about having children i know that this is crucial in nature. I guess i am just just heartbroken over the fact that the body of the person i love…was not meant to be with me? Whenever those thoughts come it feels so slashing. I wish i could feel love the way i do and not feel so wrong about it

Have you ever heard of the grandmother hypothesis? Most animals die as soon as they reach the end of their reproductive lifespan. Humans are one of very few exceptions (it's just us and a couple of whale species). Evolution has determined that we still have immense purpose when we aren't reproducing - in fact that's likely to be one of the biggest factors in humans being able to form such strong communities, compared to other species who spend their entire adult lives bearing and then caring for their own young.

We're all being lied to by people who insist that nature urges us to reproduce as much as we can, to fend for ourselves, to let the weak die out. Humans are social animals. Caring for the old, the weak, the disabled is in our nature (which means constantly caring for our own children can't be). People who aren't preoccupied with their own kids are vital to the way our species functions and it's engrained in our nature, both through the existence of menopause and the fact that some people are gay. Your attraction is natural and your girlfriend's nature drew her towards you, exactly as it was supposed to.

Straight sex is overrated. As a bisexual woman I've never felt that my body was better designed to have sex with men than with women - to the contrary. PIV can hurt and give you UTIs, semen can throw off your PH to the point of causing yeast infections, men spread disease far more easily than women do and pregnancy can kill you. Oh and giving a woman oral is a tongue workout at worst, as opposed to giving you TMJ dysfunction. Personally having sex with a woman felt a lot more like having sex the way it was naturally intended, as opposed to having to deal with a whole bunch of obstacles in order to make it work.

#anon #radfem #LGB #heterosexuality tw #?

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julieverne · 1 year

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genuine question, how much of The Actual Show rizzoli and isles like, open to the idea of rizzles? Like I adore all of your fics, and I would watch *that* show, but how much of it is fanon vs queerbait vs subtext vs actual canon?

Season 1-4 it genuinely looks like they're headed for a Rizzles endgame. Season 5 is ok but they're taking a step back. Season 6 and 7 they're strangers that are sometimes in the same room. The showrunner changed then and only watched the first and last episodes of the preceding seasons - which were heavy on how much these two women loved and relied on each other, so I don't know why so much went wrong there.

Some of it's scripted, some of it's not. But it's not in the good-natured Xena way of 'oh they're together but the studio won't let us show that so we get around the censors' way. It's 'suburban housewives were our target audience but Sasha and Angie can't keep their hands off each other and now most of our audience is lesbians'.

There was a really great recap on AfterEllen but all the pictures have been taken down. But the genuine chemistry the actresses had in those first few seasons is worth watching. This is the ship that launched a hundred fics for me. In the first run people must have been watching and waiting for something to happen and it never did.

They didn't need to be endgame. They just needed to be something other than strangers in the last two seasons.

So it's a weird show; there's no series bible, no two seasons carry the same vibe, one season is straight-up slapstick. There's plot holes in the backstories and the pets get fridged. Watching Bones really highlights how seat-of-the-pants Rizzoli and Isles was.

But despite all that:

Totally Gratuitous, Totally Gay Touching

Righteous Ponytail of Justice

Sasha Alexander in every outfit

Angie Harmon not knowing what a tomboy is and just standing and sitting in the most homosexual of ways

Senior Criminalist Susie Chang is gold in every scene

Hurt/Comfort

All of the above are good reasons to watch the show, but the hurt/comfort is paramount. Terrible things happen to these women, and season 1-4 they generally end up alone at home together curled up on the couch comforting each other.

Quick warning: season 1 is darker and probably better in terms of plot and cohesion. I rank the show seasons 4, 2, 3, 1, 5, 6, 7.

And now, more evidence of the TGTGT:

I'm not going to try to convince someone to watch a 2010 show with no payoff in 2023 when we have better shows. But it has its place in the queer hall of fame for a reason.

And the show for its time did okay. They did have murdering lesbians, but they also had lesbians mums, and lesbian colleagues. They had a transgender judge that was treated with respect when they figured it out as part of their investigation. It hasn't aged poorly in that sense. The show had a lot of potential, and it flopped when they veered away from the subtext. But as a studio that was a risk they had to take - I doubt they had many male audiences and even now most shows still cater to that demographic. So for a show that really was about women - two women that were very close - to do so well, it had to do certain things. But the show had so much potential that never came to fruition.

One last thing - the books themselves are completely different. The characters share the same names and live in Boston, but that's about the end of the similarities. Tess Gerritsen herself seems very tickled and amused by the fact that this bizarre show exists and that she has a cult lesbian following because of it, and I love her for that and I love that for her. If you ever do watch season 7, she has a cameo in an episode which is precious.

#rizzles #rizzoli and isles #maura isles #rizzoli & isles #jane rizzoli

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bogkeep · 3 months

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look, the kingkiller chronicle (the name of the wind + a wise man's fear, by patrick rothfuss) is not a perfect series or anything, i love it a lot but i have Opinions - but. it IS one of those book series that's lodged itself very deeply into my brain for better and for worse. it lives there now, along with animorphs (a series i haven't read since i was a preteen) and some other friends. you know how it is!!

anyway every now i think about a Thing from kkc and it's like. i need to talk about this. i don't know who to talk about this to. hence: my blog. and usually the thing i need to talk about is the adem. for those who haven't read kkc, the adem is one of the people's in this fantasy setting. their country and culture is very isolationist, their only export are mercenaries (Very Good Mercenaries Who Know Martial Art Secrets), they have a very different culture than the rest of the continent and therefore come across as very strange and mysterious. from a worldbuilding perpective, i think the adem are super cool. i love that rothfuss really leaned into developing a very different culture, even if there's... Some Things That Do Not Scan.

in the story, we find out that their culture is matriarchal, and they consider their women to be better fighters than their men. in fact, we find out they regard men as lesser because they don't realize that men contribute to uh, the creation of children. their culture is very big on casual sex and i don't think they do marriages or pairings like that at all, so their belief is that women Just Get Pregnant Sometimes! which is a fresh and fascinating take on the fantasy trope of "hmm how would a matriarchal society work" but ALSO. also. this would not happen. this could not happen in a world where queer people exist. there are canonically gay and bi people in these books. obviously i was reading this as a baby ace and was like HMMMMMMMM DOUBT. i cannot suspend my disbelief enough to think that every single woman in ademre would want to have (cisheterosexual) intercourse frequently enough for this to be a believable assumption, especially if there's no societal pressure to do it for reproduction!!! IT SIMPLY DOES NOT SCAN.

like, it's not that i'm a stranger to fiction ignoring the fact that Maybe Not Everyone In The World Wants Sex, that's kind of the eternal background noise of 95% of all media. i think maybe this one instance drives me nuts because from an aro perspective, i LOVE some funky fresh Alternative Family Structure worldbuilding and separating sex from romance. but then the sex thing. this whole thing is like.... an aro W but an ace L. it made it so far and then fell flat on its face. screams!!!!

THIS WASN'T EVEN THE THING I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT THOUGH. i just can't bring up the adem without talking about What The Fuck Was Up With That. the other very cool part of worldbuilding is how the adem express themselves - they keep their faces blank, but express emotions through hand gestures. and today................... i finally made the connection between This and Autism. I SHOULD'VE MADE IT SOONER. i've been recently coming to realise i don't really watch people's body language or expressions very closely irl - i don't know if it's because i'm bad at reading it, or if i just live in scandinavia and i think we're not so big on body language/eye contact over here, so there's not much information for me to extract? a lot of people tell me that they communicate a lot better when meeting people in person, and i kind of, can not relate to this very much? i can not think of anything i get from meeting people in person that i can't get over text except the speed of conversation. like, sure, there's Tone of Voice but i don't always find it the most reliable piece of information, either. in fact text makes it easier to parse the words and gives me the time and space to reply appropriately. THIS IS PROBABLY A ME THING. I MAY BE MORE AUTISTIC THEN I THOUGHT. welcome to my favourite game of "is it the autism or is it scandinavia"

BUT. i gesture with my hands A Lot. many people have pointed this out to me. i have no idea how expressive i am with my face, but i'm Very expressive with my hands!!! i haven't really thought about this until recently and that's when. the memory of the adem struck again. THEIR NEUTRAL FACES AND THEIR EXPRESSIVE GESTURES..................... NO EYE CONTACT, WATCH THE HANDS....................................... what a fantastic concept. i would adopt this if i could. it does make me wonder though, would it be easier or harder to be autistic in a culture like that? you would still need to learn hand expressions and all the subtle social rules... but it seems more accessible to me, somehow.

anyway that was tonight's KKC thought. it was autism

#haiz reads things #not something i've read in a while but im having THOUGHTS #anyway i figured out how to post this pot on this very functional website #made a draft and copypasted each parapraph in one at a time and saved inbetween

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b1ttersweetzomb1e · 8 months

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Headcanons of Matilda: The Musical that are canon in my heart

⚠️Warning: spoilers ahead!!⚠️

Matilda is a trans girl

Just reminding: this is just a headcanon. You might use as an argument that the doctor said Matilda was a girl right when she was born, but, as a transgender person myself, I was perfectly able to see the fact that her father wanted a boy so desperately as a metaphor about the bizarre cisgender expectations parents puts on newborns. I think her mom does call her Matilda and uses she/her pronouns but not because she's an ally or something similar, but just because she neglects her child at the point of not putting effort to remember anything about Matilda, including her gender assigned at birth. So, when Matilda keeps correcting her father saying that she's a girl, her mother then just talks about Matilda as she's a cis girl, because that's what she believes while talking about it. The end of the movie, when her father finally admits that she's a girl in fact, makes this headcanon even more meaningful to my mind.

Matilda is neurodivergent

This is an old one. Although I've seen a lot of people headcanoning Matilda as autistic, I think the one from the musical is leaning more towards adhd, but I can't really elaborate why. I do know it is totally possible for someone to be autistic and adhd at the same time, but I believe it's not her case. But autistic and audhd Matilda headcanons are very valid as well! Although it's not how I see it, good thing that art has several ways to be comprehended, right?

Miss Honey is a lesbian

I remember this was a headcanon even before the musical existed, about the movie's Miss Honey. And it made a lot sense to me in the both of her versions. In the musical's one, specially her part of "when I grow up". She lives in fear, hiding from everything, afraid of speaking up for herself due to her traumatic childhood intimidated by Trunchbull. This is pretty relatable for queer people in general, living in a queerphobic world where it's hard to show ourselves to the world in fear of what some people can do, or say. And I even headcanon that she never got married for not feeling brave enough to come out about her sexuality or allow herself to actually get involved with a woman in a non-platonic way (I'm not saying everyone that doesn't get married is gay or lesbian, I just think it fits in this specific headcanon).

Miss Honey and Mrs. Phelps co-parent Matilda

I love how this is a consense in a lot of people who like Matilda: the musical. And I don't see is as just a queer headcanon, but as something deep and meaningful, and I'll explain why. Matilda's intelligence makes her "different" from other children, and it probably won't be well seen to a lot of people in the movie universe, 'cause misogyny is still a problem that makes a lot of people nonready for a clever girl (specially when the movie seems to have its scenarios on old times, even if not that old, prejudices were way worse back then), and two married women raising a child together wouldn't be well seen at that time as well, but, although some people might not see, blinded by their close minded, they're extraordinary. The exact same thing happens to Matilda. As she lived suffering for having a family so different from her judging her for being different from them for her whole life, I think it would be beautiful she living with a family that has this trait in common of being bad seen, seen as "wrong". As I said, I do believe Miss Honey never allowed herself to be in a relationship, and I think it would be beautiful seeing she making it different for the very first time, allowing herself little by little, with Mrs. Phelps carefully respecting the time and feelings of the woman she loves, for the sake of her well-being.

Matilda actually made up the whole escapologist and acrobat story

NO THIS ISN'T A HEADCANON, but just something that I actually prefer to pretend it's canon in my mind, because the whole stuff of Matilda making up a story putting references to her family issues and how she felts about it in it was so deep. So I just pretend Miss Honey has the backstory of the old movie's Miss Honey and that Matilda actually made that whole story up and even ended up writing about it and publishing. I live for child writer Matilda Wormwood (or Matilda Honey-Phelps, whatever)

Amanda and Hortensia are sisters

I'm not sure if Hortensia is the real name of the blondie prefect with red hat though (I will correct if it's not) but please know that I'm talking about this girl. And no, this one doesn't have a whole deep explanation or a meaningful way of being read, I just like this headcanon. Hortensia terrified her little sister when she entered the school exactly as she did to Matilda and Lavender. Hortensia and Amanda are not close due to having divorced parents and not living together, and that's why Amanda is only seen with her mother in the bus, and not her father. Her father lives with Hortensia and he was the one to pick her sister in the school since he lives with her. But their parents were together when Hortensia was Amanda's age, and she asked for a really short haircut at the time for keeping her mother from making braided pigtails, for knowing what Trunchbull thought of it, and, as she wanted to be prefect, it could not happen if she got in trouble with Trunchbull, so she had to get this braided pigtail idea out of the way. But even when she gets older and no longer lives with her mother, still keeps her short hair, but just because she got used to it. Hortensia could have warned Amanda about the pigtails, but, as I said, they're not close, so that's why she didn't.

Amanda is Lavender's very first crush

Another one that doesn't have explanations other than: I did this headcanon because I like to think about that. I just think the whole stuff of childish first love is sweet. A scene of Lavender confessing her feelings to Amanda in the most child-like navy way possible is very sweet in my mind. I still don't know if I headcanon her feelings to be mutual or not, but I for some reason think Amanda would be impressed by the fact that Lavender owns a newt. She would probably thinks Lavender is such a cool kid.

Hope you liked it :)

#matilda the musical #matilda wormwood #road dahl #matilda 2022 #transfem headcanon #trans headcanon #neurodivergent headcanon #adhd headcanon #sapphic headcanon #headcanons #matilda headcanon

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roxannepolice · 5 months

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ok. so. i saw ur tags on my chameleon arch = self destruction breakdown and i literally cannot tell you how fucking ecstatic i was!!! i loved the parallel you drew to the master as well. like that one post that says something like “when the master became human he became basically good and the doctor became a bit of a dick”, you pointed out a connection i never would have made on my own!! i do think you’re right in saying that maybe the master has the potential to save people, and that made me readjust how i looked at the humanisation process meta-wise. i think that john smith is functionally a sort of warped version of the doctor rather than an opposite, because the opposite of the doctor is in many ways the master. in that same vein professor yana is also a sort of warped version of the master, because to me the master is dedicated to saving themself and the doctor (because they’re gay (joke) (not really)), whereas yana ended up saving everyone. yana is a much more radical change from the master and it might honestly be in part because he’s spent so long as human — he says he was a child when he was found — and john smith only really lived for about two months so he never got to develop in strict opposition to the doctor. we do get to see a small glimpse of that future, which you can argue is a direct opposite of at least one aspect of the doctor, i.e. inescapable never ending loneliness and the inability to have long term relationships like that, but ultimately there’s a bit more nuance than i originally saw. anyway THANK YOU FOR THE TAGS

For the context, here are the tags:

Thank you so much for writing! Yeah, I do think that maybe it's not as simple as Doctor automatically being a dick when human and the Master being a good person when human, but the warping (great choice of word!) is definitely there and the reversal struck me as very intentional. I think the chameleon arch very much fits into the whole nature vs. nurture dispute (which is why it reminds me of Blaine-Slitheen reversing into an egg; like, yes, it's still the same life being lived but is it really the same person getting a second chance?). John Smith is basically an AI generated higher middle class mid 30s edwardian Englishman. A very advanced AI, but essentially AI generated. He only has the necessary memories and accepts the premises of his circumstances as this is all his "programming" allows him. I've seen someone ranting if we are to understand the Doctor is subconsciously racist and I would answer no!, if John Smith was supposed to blend into 2000s society he would view Martha quite differently from how he does in the episode (and I can't not share my cracky Toddler!Smith AU).

On a deeper lever there's the question of whether the Doctor is essentially, regardless of circumstances, more conformist than the Master, more willing to accept the dumb prejudices of the society he lands in, and this is hard to answer as well! As you pointed out, the Yana we meet is more "organically formed" than John Smith, that is he was actually raised for a few decades instead of being a ready made 30-something man. And the society he was raised in is specifically the end-all, final form of all sentient existence. There are no more discoveries to be made, no new peoples, species and worlds to meet and explore, no paradigm shifts left and now I wonder if his genius stems partially from the fact that everything he would learn was somehow flowing into a subconscious "wait, I've already learned that and was good at it". And the best part is there is still some of the Master's pragmatic survival of the fittest attitude in Yana, for all his selflessness, as in the moment he waves off another lost soul in search of Utopia. Just as John Smith still has the pull towards rescuing that baby in a stroller.

Again, for me this is all about nature vs. nurture (fuck off with the Doctor has always been the Doctor and always never used guns idea). The Master audio kind of simplifies it in which one is Death's champion, but metaphorically it makes the point clear: under different cirumstances the Doctor would have been the Master and the Master the Doctor. And neither would be what they are if the other wasn't what they are.

#again thank you so much for sending this!#i always love to discuss these disasters #the master #jacobi!master #chameleon arch

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distort-opia · 1 year

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do you ever think that joker's character would be hated less if harley was never created? dont get me wrong i love her, its just that her inclusion in the first place was for joker to beat the gay allegations and the abuse isnt rlly fun imo. whining about this is kinda pointless since we cant change the past but i just wanted to hear how you feel about this topic

Mm. This is a bit complicated. I know that it's a popular belief, the idea Harley Quinn was created to make Joker appear less queer, but that's not entirely rooted in fact. Not saying this motivation didn't play a role at all, but if you read up on Harley's origins, some writers involved were against her becoming a regular character on BTAS because it would humanize Joker too much to have a love interest; that was a significant concern. When introducing her to main comic continuity, Dini specifically had Joker be as dark and murderous towards her from the start, and this persisted in most comics featuring them afterwards.

It's not Harley's sheer existence that contributed to the hatred for Joker's character in recent times, in my opinion. It's three combined factors: her redemption arc for the past decade or so, Joker's abusiveness towards her, and the fact she was given a female love interest in Poison Ivy (which turned her into explicit queer representation). The draw of Harlivy as a ship and of Harley being depicted as an abused woman standing up for herself was understandably massive, for a big segment of fandom. And unfortunately, many were eager to forget about Harley's past crimes and choices because of this; after all, it's not difficult to just blame Joker for all the "evil" parts of Harley in order to justify her actions. Joker undoubtedly had a big influence, but it really takes away from her character if her agency is denied entirely (I do hate this recent cross-fandom tendency to take conflicted darker characters and sanitize them). And there is something to be said about Joker being written as a one-dimensional abusive asshole, in order to uplift Harley's character arc and make her triumphs over him more impactful. It is a pity... while I can't say I am a fan of Harley, I find her interesting, and her relationship with Joker has some fascinating aspects to it that get downplayed and ignored in this wave of oversimplification. The main reason she stayed with him was because she thought there was humanity to him, and that she could be the one to bring it out. The tragedy of it, of course, is that she's not wrong-- it's simply that Joker is pretty much incapable of seeing anyone other than Batman as an equal and a fellow human being. Joker does care about her in his own twisted way, but as an extension of himself; a possession, something he created. He also treats her as an extension of himself, which is to say... badly. Because despite how contradictory it might seem at first glance, Joker is suicidal and self-loathing.

Anyway, an analysis of Jarley isn't the point of this :)) To make a long story short, it's true that Harley never being created would've led to none of this happening... but thing is, I do think a female sidekick was inevitable. If they didn't give Joker Harley Quinn, they would've come up with a different character like her eventually, and then who knows where that would've gone. And even if you try to imagine a world with Joker having no one like Harley in his story... the current hatred towards Joker in Tumblr and Twitter circles is quite intertwined with the rise of purity culture and with Joker fatigue (due to DC's overuse of him). Joker as a villain is associated with alpha male toxicity and the whole "we live in a society" mindset, which instantly makes fans on this side of the fence wary; although, even leaving aside the fact Joker has killed countless people in canon, it's more that he shot Barbara Gordon and killed Jason Todd that gets him the biggest amount of hatred. Of course that his abuse towards Harley plays a big part as well, but personally, I don't think it's the main cause. Batman has so many villains, but few of them have harmed Bruce and his Family as personally as Joker has. Seeing as the fandom for the Batfamily is the biggest one, it's not surprising that Joker is disliked within it. (Which is perfectly fine. Issues only arise when fans don't make the distinction between reality and fiction and begin to harass each other over make-pretend non-existent people.)

#I do specifically say Twitter and Tumblr because #the more mainstream Batman fandom (on Reddit for instance) is a different beast #Joker is disliked there too but for different reasons and not as badly #anyway. hope this satisfied your curiosity anon!#asks #batman #joker #joker meta #my meta #discussion of abuse

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1shirt2shirtredshirtdeadshirt · 2 years

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Kirk and Spock: Canon Musings and Fandom Curiosities Of an LGBT+ Trek Fan

Here are some thoughts surrounding the fandom controversy of anti k/s shippers who get uppity with those of us who enjoy it; specifically those members of our fandom who have now taken to bemoaning how "woke" Trek has become despite it always being "woke", or the recent fresh flush of anti-LGBT rage stirred up in select fans at our (checks latest reason for outbursts) SNW enthusiasm.

As a member of LGBT+, I can't help but bring my own experiences in this fandom into this, too, because I feel it is relevant. So let's have a conversation.

FYI, This is not in alignment or support of those k/s forcefeeders who try to browbeat all fans into agreeing that k/s is canon, which I'm not cool with. Everyone should be able to enjoy the fandom however they see fit - don't conflate extremism with fandom. If someone enjoys this fandom thinking Spock/Chapel or asexual Spock or platonic besties Kirk and Spock then leave them alone. -_- They have every right to enjoy this fandom in their own way as much as you do. To quote Jim: "Don't push, Charlie."

What I mean is, k/s fans who simply enjoy entertaining the idea as canon for ourselves and like-minded fans, while some other Trek fans get rabid stinging mad and offended about it for some reason.

I've been told that even the idea that Jim Kirk might be bi is "disgusting", "perverted", a "twisted, sick fantasy" to name a few examples. . . No joke. Actual Twitter comments from people who think simply liking both men and women is "perverted". Y'all TIL that just the idea of being bi is a "twisted, sick fantasy". And as a bisexual person in a fandom that gave us a concept like IDIC, I wasn't feeling very welcome or embraced after reading some of that anti-bi vitriol. My existence is not "perverted" or "twisted", nor is the love I have shared with my married partner for the past 12 years. But I digress. I'm not about to be chased away from something I love because of the usual cowardly stream of anti-LGBT+ pearl clutching and dismissiveness from a loud minority that has become so commonplace in our society.

"They're trying to make everything gay now it's so stupid and unrealistic I'm so tired of hearing about gay things" *Looks pointedly at the decades of STRAIGHT ONLY representation being celebrated: straight-centric holidays, the fact that gay marriage was illegal for decades and yet in order to be allowed to visit a dying partner in the ICU, they required you to legally be family; this meant that while straight couples always got to say their proper goodbyes to the loves of their lives on their hospital deathbeds, LGBT+ couples were denied this right on the basis of not being legally allowed to get married throughout the 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s and early 00s, plus constant cultural straight-washing forced on everybody from day 1 in the form of creepy fake child kindergarten wedding invites and baby rompers that say gross things like "Daddy's Little Lady Killer"*

It all seems rather aggressive for so mild a suggestion pertaining to fictional characters that are living in the future where this would all be a lot more likely and casual regarding gender and sexuality.

Anyway, moving on from that disappointing dumpster fire of interactions that I and others were on the receiving end of as a member of LGBT+ in the Trek fandom . . . the fandom is typically very open minded and welcoming, but there are always a few turd nuggets in any gold heap.

With all that unpacked, it made me curious: just what are they protecting so fiercely? What are they canonically terrified of losing? Swaggering Jim who is doomed to hop from broken relationship to broken relationship? Are they saving Jim Kirk from the Bisexual boogeyman? What exactly are they vehemently defending, if they are so against that take?

I guess what I'm curious about is this: What is their ideal pairing or TOS ship that seems logical to them that we are threatening by loving our ship, if any at all? (Hey I know some of you are just here for the spaceship porn and don't give a shit about any of this, fill your boots. Come on down and ignore us fools obsessed with make believe characters, we love you all.)

If y'all don't think the affection was certainly sufficient enough for their relationship to be considered romantic (as Gene Roddenberry put it) . . . Well then, who or what else? What makes more logical sense, given the canon we have been given? I don't ask this antagonistically, but with genuine curiosity about theories. I'm not here to shoot anyone down, opinions are welcome. I've just always wondered about the other takes.

The canon is so weird in that unlike most other stories where they try to beat you over the head with hetero happily ever after, Star Trek canon keeps Kirk and Spock's long term romantic details -- especially Spock's -- quite ambiguous. We never see them get married, or settle down with anyone specific, officially on screen or in the canon.

Not that characters have to have a relationship to feel fulfilled, but this is all based on what we know of these characters in particular; we already know that Spock and Jim have expressed a desire and need for love, companionship and connection.

We know Jim is brimming with affection; he is a VERY openly affectionate person who often vulnerably ruminates on love and feelings of loneliness.

He constantly expresses a want and need for a partner to understand him and love him as he is, and he talks a great deal about how being alone is a fear or discomfort of his. Even though he romances often, Jim usually ends up dumped or removing himself from the relationship because ultimately, nobody seems to respect or understand his commitment to his ship and Starfleet on a personal level -- they don’t seem to truly understand him -- that is, besides Spock. But Jim is right of course; he shouldn't have to give up who he is and what he loves in order to be loved or understood. True love is what happens when a person sees you just as you are and still wants to buy what you’re selling, warts and all. And the only person who seems to share this love and enthusiasm for his ship and his job with that same keen level of understanding is Spock.

This comes up in even some of the earliest episodes of TOS.

"This vessel. I give, she takes. She won't permit me my life. I've got to live hers." - Kirk to Spock

Conversely, Spock has convinced himself that he doesn't need love or anyone else to survive, and how he grapples with that throughout TOS. By the end of the motion picture, he finally realizes how wrong that is and says as much to Jim by confessing his feelings and how he needs them -- specifically, how he needs Jim.

So if Kirk and Spock aren't the closest to one another and the most likely spouses, I’m curious: who else? What makes more sense then, canonically, knowing what we know about Kirk and Spock in TOS/The Movie canon from start to finish?

We never expressly hear of Spock having an official significant other named throughout canon. A marriage is alluded to in TNG, but we do not know to who -- or anything about their gender/identity. The writer of Spock's autobiography describes him as "widowed" from Kirk. This is just about the closest reference that we get (outside the vague mention in TNG) resembling Spock having some semblance of an intimate love relationship long term.

I genuinely don’t feel there is another character in the TOS canon that reoccurs throughout it that you could argue the canon explicitly intended or set up for Spock to end game be with aside from T'Pring, who shot him down for Stonn.

Usually when people say a character is straight, it is because the canon has already arranged an obvious hetero end game pairing for them with blatant evidence.

For Spock, that never happens -- not an end game situation with another character that is anything remotely close to being as intimate, personal, or affectionate as what he develops with Jim.

The closest we ever get is Chapel, Zarabeth or Leila -- all of which we know for certain were never canonically described or written as Spock's long term partner - we'd know about it by now if that were the case. (Note 1: I didn’t count Saavik here as their relationship wasn’t primarily developed or sold as truly romantic or an end game romance. I feel if that were the case, they would have blasted that from the rooftops -- whereas the mentor-apprentice relationship they shared is prominent and obvious. She doesn’t come back outside the canon she appeared in, they aren’t mentioned as settling down or having a relationship later in-canon. . . Basically she got down with Spock’s mindless meat thrall teen body while his katra was in another castle in ST III so that the body wouldn’t die. If that constitutes an intimate romantic relationship to you, please get help.)

(Note 2: I am writing this from the perspective that Spock is not ace based on TOS evidence such as Amok Time, The Enterprise Incident, All Our Yesterdays, and This Side of Paradise as examples which highlight Spock's capacity for sexual desire and offers a mild suggestion of interest in sex -- however rarely it appears. However if y'all interpret Spock as ace though, my take is one take and it ain’t gospel-- power to you fam, rock that ace Vulcan.)

In Kirk's case, Jim very obviously loves women. He has a number of genuine relationships with them; he most notably has a failed serious relationship with Carol Marcus. That would be the closest thing canon did to assigning an official long term partner for Jim, but the films and comics make it very clear that Carol and Jim were unhappy together -- so much so that Carol left Jim, and demanded that Jim stay away from his only child and not be a part of his life. She denied him the ability to participate as a father selfishly; not for David’s benefit, but for her own personal benefit. She wanted to have nothing to do with Kirk, and she kept their child from knowing his father or following in his footsteps. Truth be told, that wasn’t Carol’s decision or right to choose for David, ultimately. She can raise him, but it wasn’t her right to deny him access to his father or the option of exploring that side of himself. And in Kirk’s case, nor is that the kind of lot that the end game love of your life offers you in regards to a future with you and your child.

Furthermore, what Carol had always feared is exactly what happened; David followed after Jim into the thick of the action, and he died as a product of it. Did Carol ever want to be in a relationship with Jim again, after their son was killed due to him trying to get Spock back? I don't know about you, but I wouldn't if it were my kid that died. There is also no mention in the canon of Jim and Carol ever rekindling, and any relationship Jim has with other people outside of Spock in canon are often fleeting; they never seem last long term. Besides Carol, he never truly "settles down" with anyone in canon for what could be considered a true “end game” scenario.

So my question is, in canon, if Kirk and Spock aren't the most feasible answer for each other in terms of closeness, intimacy, mutual respect, love and admiration, who is?

It has been said time and again that they know and understand each other unlike anybody else in the canon -- that they are two halves of the same whole. Roddenberry himself said he intended them to complete each other: "You are closer to the captain than anyone else in the universe. You know his thoughts."/"Theirs had been the touching of two minds which the old poets of Spock's home planet had proclaimed as superior even to the wild physical love which affected Vulcans every seventh year during pon farr."

The pendant scene written for ST 2009. "I have been and always shall be yours."

The one thing I struggle to understand with anti-K/S fans is, do they prefer the idea that the guys just lived their whole lives for duty, contradicting the message of TMP about how essential love and connection is, and just kind of stayed lonely and isolated for the rest of their lives? Did Spock just have one off pon farr cycles with strangers and never knew what it felt like to actually be loved wholeheartedly by somebody?

Was Jim just destined to be a sad, lonely boss who's relationships always ended in the other person choosing their career over him, of putting him aside or dumping him, never knowing what it is like to be genuinely appreciated and cherished as opposed to discarded? He has had his heart and trust broken so many times. Is that really the life we are so sold to for James T. Kirk?

I can completely understand if folks would rather maintain the perspective that they are friends -- I think folks should enjoy stories in whatever way makes them happiest. I'm not here to say "IT'S CANON" *forcefeed* or that anyone has to buy what I'm selling, I'm just curious.

It blows my mind that the idea of Kirk and Spock getting a shot at real, genuine love -- that good shit you only get when you are intensely close with someone who understands you and you marry your best friend -- that that idea is less appealing to someone out there than "well they were just married to their duties forever, never made any other real long lasting, intimate bonds with other people or found true love, and they just kind of worked until they died. Kirk had an anthology of failed relationships that never stuck and Spock was just lonely till he died. The end." Like really? That gives you your jush? If it does then I love that for you, but for me that is just so . . . Cold.

Just . . . what the fuck? Being forever alone or a failure at love sounds so much more miserable than being secret gay?

Anyway, that's just one little bear's opinion, do with it what you will. But I'm on team "they had a secret but awesome love relationship for the remainder of their lives" over team "forever alone and married to work for the rest of their lives".

I'm on team "my boys deserve happiness".

If you want to ship fucking Horta x Balok fics or if you’re simply here for the nacelle porn a la Monty Scott and don’t give two damns about any of this, I’m here for you: you support something I love, and you aren’t hurting anybody while doing it.

Thanks for coming to yet another long winded, homoerotic Star Trek TedXTalk.

Remember that regardless of why you are in this fandom, so long as you are not hurting somebody else, I’m here for you.

We don’t have to love something for the same reasons or the same way in order to love it just as equally. So even if we don’t see eye to eye about every little fan theory or sentiment, thanks for being here and supporting Star Trek, however you lean; so long as you are kind and open minded, I got you fam. LLAP, and IDIC.🖖 💚

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