#OTP: I love you as fully as I know how. with every bone in my body.

[flydotnet]

WHUMPTOBER 2023, DAY 13: “It comes and goes like the strength in your bones.”

Cold Compress | Infection | “I don’t feel so good.”

I suppose the HSAU Taro and AkeJun fics aren't my only annual fic - "Matsuyama gets a wound infected and Yoshiko has to wrestle that out of him" is another. 2021 had my first CT fic, "Little Things", serve as a fill for "Infected Wound". 2022 had "Helping Hand", another challenge fic which was a take on traditional H/C, but make it my OTP. And now 2023 has this fic! Wowie kazoowie, mental illness never stops!

I did swerve a bit on the formula by setting this a year after both LT and HH (…not Hungry Heart)... so that's something, I guess?

Okay, more seriously, the quote prompt was just prime MatsuYoshi material, I couldn't resist. Also, it's Friday, and around here we do F/M Fridays sometimes, and Whumptober won't be an exception dammit.

I owe being on time, somehow, to rewatching some Detective Conan stuff to jolt me back awake. Life hasn't been very nice to my mental health lately, I'm afraid. Oh, and spite. Spite and not wanting to miss my chance at the bingo at the end of the month! Nice carrots to have.

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Fragile in the Rough

Summary: Matsuyama has a confession to make; not of love, but of weakness. It does have a similar level of intimacy, at least.

Fandom: Captain Tsubasa

Word Count: 1.2K words

AO3 version available here.

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There are things you learn throughout your life for which it’s worth sucking up your pride and ask for someone else’s help. There’s improving yourself when just doing it on your own isn’t cutting it anymore. There’s asking for help when it involves someone other than you and your skills or knowledge isn’t enough.

And there’s admitting when you’re not doing well. It takes a bold amount of trust in whoever you need to tell that too, a good assessment of one’s limits and – most painfully – an admission of vulnerability that’s not easy for everyone.

The thing is, right now, that’s exactly when he needs to do, but he can’t do it; yet this isn’t even a matter of pride.

He’d guess, for some, it’d be a gigantic bruise to their ego they may never recover from – but for him, it’s not. How do you expect a good team captain to consider admitting to your weaknesses something to be ashamed of? None of your teammates will ever tell you what’s wrong with them if they read on your face disdain and shame about it. Even just for their sake, upholding such a senseless sense of pride wouldn’t be of any use – quite the opposite.

But this isn’t a matter of pride. He isn’t above admitting he needs help. He has before and he will do it until he dies, that’s just how being a human is. He isn’t stupid enough not to know that nor too proud not to recognize that, actually, today’s difficult on him and he’s tired.

He just hates worrying people, man. Every single time he’s unwell, he sees the weight it puts on the shoulders of those who care about him and the way it drags their faces down. He sees how his friends will drop what they’re doing, ask if he’s fine, and never be able to fully focus back on what they were doing before that. All of it, he hates it, because he isn’t worth distracting yourself. He can take care of himself without any issue… most of the time.

A leader has to take on himself, sometimes – well, in his case, it’s most of the time. He treats colds like he’d treat small scrapes and handles it all on his own. The leader, however, is also the one who serves as an example, and for all of his unwillingness to worry people, there’s also an undeniable feeling that he can’t let his teammates follow in his footsteps, in this instance…

Well, if he’s come to this conclusion, it’s ironically because his brain’s much too fuzzy to properly work on anything and the guys have noticed. Oda has said multiple times he’d take care of his workload and he’s noticed Kato very unsubtly assume a role as assistant coach. Neither of them is slick, but he appreciates it, no matter how much his sense of responsibilities and duty is barking at him to get back to work, not to let anyone worry about him.

Not to mention, there’s nobody he wants to confess this crap to. Who even has time for that? He’s supposed to streamline the team’s efforts, not add onto the pile. A pair of hands is never too much around here, not when there’s snow to shovel away and strategies to brainstorm. All in all, no, there’s nobody he should be telling this stuff about.

Well… that’s not entirely accurate. There is one person he’d be willing to talk to about this. Unfortunately, it happens to be the one person he’d rather not worry at all, because of all people he knows, she’s the one who’s plenty concerned for him already on a good day, perhaps even more so than his parents because she isn’t too used to him yet.

Fujisawa has become perhaps not the centre of his life, but saying she’s half his heart is pretty accurate. The fact they’re even both dating is somewhat of a miracle, because he’s rough and while she’s solid as steel, she’s also soft to the touch and not the sort who likes rubbing elbows and getting dirty. He does love the parts of her who will get her hands dirty and do it, fix what needs to be fixed, without a complaint. Oh, that’s part of why he doesn’t want to burden her with worry, her natural compassion, her strive to take care of issues and the inability to speak of her feelings if she feels they’d also be a burden… (They’re kind of made for each other, in that sense, huh?).

But you know what his parents have always told him? That a husband and a wife are always here for each other – and if they’re not married (they’re sixteen, give them some time dammit)

So there he is, inside the clubroom, holding onto an aching arm that’s not stopped causing him issues for a couple days – hey, maybe it’s part of the issue, actually.

“Hey, Fujisawa,” he says without any real intonation.

She turns around almost immediately, the unhappy expression on her face all but confirming she has noticed something was off before he could even tell her about it.

“Oh, it’s you, Matsuyama,” she greets him. “What can I do for you?”

“Can I… ask you something a bit private?”

The flush that comes to her face, oh so quickly, is beyond endearing. He’s really down bad, but also, isn’t that the point?

“Of course.”

He gets closer to her, to the point where he can start counting her hairs.

“See, I’m a bit, uh… I’m a bit loopy, today.” Yeah that sounds accurate. “By that, I mean, uh… I don’t feel so good.”

He’s pretty sure confessing his feelings to her was less difficult. Even now, he doesn’t really want any of this.

“I thought you were feeling off,” she replies in a tendre tone. “Can I take your rtemperature to check something?”

“Oh, sure, go for it.”

He expects her to get a thermometer from the first-aid kit under the desk; but all she does is tiptoe to his height, push his hair out of the way and put a hand on his forehead. The contact is enough to make him have to repress a chill – it’s not a bad feeling, far from it, just a little overwhelming.

“You do have a fever, I’m pretty sure,” she tells him as she recovers her normal footing.

“Ah, crap, that doesn’t sound good.”

Her eyes slide to his left arm.

“Is your wound not getting any better?”

“Ah, uh… No, it doesn’t seem to. I dunno why, maybe I’ve done something wrong when I dressed it….?”

“Can I check it?”

“Oh, sure! Sure.”

He tends his arm so she can easily unwrap the bandage… or try to, because as it turns out, she has trouble taking off his skin, the damn fabric sticking to the wound. There’s fresh blood just peeking through the worst of it and the stench – oh, he forgot how much this thing stinks.

“It’s gotten infected,” she verbally recoils as she announces it. “That’d explain your fever pretty well…”

He forgot to disinfect the thing the other day. Goddammit, that didn’t sound too hard to do too.

“Oh, yeah, that makes sense.”

Fujisawa frets a little, looking around, before settling on him back again.

“Can you sit down, please? I’ll take care of it, but I need you to sit still as I do.”

“No worries.” He takes a seat right where she needs him to be. “You’re sure you don’t mind, though? I could do that myself or just ask the nurse.”

“No, it’s fine, I’ve learned to do it. Plus…” She blushes again, right as she opens the first-aid kit. “I want to do it for you.”

“Then go for it.” He watches her prepare the operation with undenied fondness in his eyes. “Thank you so much, Fujisawa.”

“Don’t fret it. Now, I apologize, but it’s going to sting a little…”

A dab of water on the wound just to wash it does remind him to be more careful, next time.

#whumptober 2023 #no.13 #infection #“i don't feel so good” #captain tsubasa #fic #otp: feelings across the ocean

[lesbianmaxevans]

Hacy Week 2021 ➤ Day 6: Favorite Episode

[Image Description: Five stacked gifs from Charmed. First: Macy and Harry hug and kiss. The text reads, “It worked.” Second: Macy and Harry kiss and smile at each other. The text reads, “Good morning.” Third: Two scenes- Macy and Harry kiss, Harry gingerly touches her cheek. Fourth: Macy wearing her black jumper. The text reads, “You look exquisite.” Fifth: Macy and Harry smile at each other over dinner. The text reads, “To all of our firsts. Anniversaries, Christmases as a couple… Not just the holidays. Lovely ordinary days, too.”]

#Charmed #charmededit #charmed cw #Macy Vaughn #Harry Greenwood #hacy #OTP: I love you as fully as I know how. with every bone in my body. #hacyweek2021 #filmtv #bbelcher #chewieblog #cinemapix #usersource #tvcentric #charactersofcolordaily #wonderfulwoc #cwladiesdaily #dailytvfilmgifs #tvgifs #Rachel's edit tag #this is my fave of my edits for the week 💖 #man this ep fed us so well..... I will miss them always

[dangermousie]

This novel is by far the wildest, darkest in OTP dynamics non-danmei web novel I have ever read, and if more of them were like that, perhaps I wouldn’t stick primarily to danmei.

We are now in the future/present - whatever you want to call the time 500 years after previous events.

And oh my God, Tantai Jin - he loves her so much and he longs for her so much and yet he is still a feral death machine whose only leash is desire that when he resurrects her (he doesn’t know she’s a time traveler) she doesn’t still think him a monster - that is why he doesn’t kill his sect member when he gets in the way for example (how he squares his goals with the fact that he wants Susu’s body for Susu’s soul (he doesn’t know they are the same thing, he thinks Susu’s body has the right cultivation to be host for Susu’s soul once he gets it back) is a separate topic but he’s not fully sane, is he? I do love that even before he finds out the truth, he knows he’s somehow uncomfortable by this because his soul recognizes her before his mind does.)

And we find out how he “died” - which is that the man who was more terrified of dying than anything and willing to do anything to stay alive, actually walked into a dark stinking river of ghosts and let tens of thousands of ghosts devour him alive even though he could have fought them off because he kept searching for Susu’s lost (as far as he knew) soul.

LIKE. I CAN’T!!!! And he survived, for a value of survived - every day his body reknits itself from pieces in a horrifically painful fashion.

But the thing I love is he’s still amoral and still a mess and still doesn’t see inherent value or point of other people and would set the world on fire if he thought he needed to, except now his goal is Susu and not safety or world domination and so he wants to be good for her. And that Susu was moved before but now she is not, not just because she is under the mistaken impression he’s doing it for Ye Bingshang (nope) but because for her all the pain is fresh and it’s honestly not clear who is more damaged by their past - the one who just had it happen or the one who had to dwell in it for 500 years (I honestly love that it wasn’t her being a saintly victim or an abuser or him being a poor sweetheart mistreated by a heartless woman. They both hurt each other horribly, horrifically. And both were both victims and perpetrators. For example, there is no surprise that Tantai Jin lost it when the woman he gave up everything for literally stabbed him through the heart and then mistreated her in retaliation. But it’s also no surprise Susu hated him for it and so on so forth.)

I love the scene where he finds out that the woman he’s been trying to kill to get her body to call the soul back IS Susu, and he unhesitatingly jumps into a monster pit with her, shielding her with his own body even as he’s punctured like a pincushion and he just keeps carrying her through the monster realm on his back, even as he keeps giving up more and more of his own blood to keep the monsters away.

Also, the find that Susu (real Susu, not when she inhabited Xiwu’s body) looks like the goddess Tantai Jin worshipped as a child and put his blood on and believed was real!

Also, I love this bit so much:

Tantai Jin hugged Su Su tightly and whispered, "Ye Xiwu, I hate you so much."

Five hundred years.

She would never know how long it was. The very first hundred years, he prayed to the immortal gods that as long as she appeared, he would be doubly good to her.

Later, still sinking in the never-ending river of ghostly cries, he began to beg the evil spirits for mercy, willing to do anything as long as she would come back.

But a person destined to be a natural disaster, the evil spirits and ghosts still do not pity him, let alone God?

The love threads that arose tormented him day and night.

In the end, he only thought that if he saw her again one day, then they would die together.

The bones are intertwined, the flesh and blood are fused, and he no longer has to go through such a time, even if he dies with her, and the soul flies away together, it is another kind of life and death.

She better never appear in his life again, and pray not to be resurrected by him.

#cnovel #black moonlight holds the BE script

[cancelingthenoise]

Unworthy

Soooo, after a 13 year hiatus, I’m trying to get back into writing and where better to start than fan fiction and with my fave OTP.  But buckle up, it’s a heavy one.  Hopefully I’ve tagged all the appropriate trigger warnings; apologies if I’ve missed any - please let me know if I have!!

Summary: Addict.  Junkie.  Worthless.  He has been gone for three years and is ready to come home, but his biggest enemy is still the one inside.  

Rated: Mature (Addiction, Recovery, Implied Drug Use, Drug References, Mild Sexual Content)

Cross-posted to FFN and AO3

He inserts the coins and dials a number he knows by heart.  The only one that is permanently branded into the recesses of his mind. As it rings, he hopes – let it be the right number, let it still be her number, let her pick up …

Hello?

“Kagome.”

Inu … Inuyasha?

“I … want to come home.”

Where are you?

He tells her the city, the intersection, the name on the warehouse nearby.  Everything that can pinpoint exactly where he is so she can find him.

I’m on my way.  Stay put.

There’s a tone in her voice he can’t identify and it sends pangs straight to his heart, but she’s coming. She’s coming.  

And so, he waits.

Two hours later a familiar red sedan pulls up in front of him and its driver approaches.  She’s older now, tired, he notices as he stands to greet her.  He watches as she looks him over.  He’s dirty, he knows, and even his demon-blood cannot mask how battered and bruised he is.  He’s shocked but admittedly pleased when she wraps her arms around his waist and squeezes him in an embrace.  Her scent is altogether lovely and calming, like coming home.

It takes every fiber of his being not to whine when she pulls away and looks him square in the eyes. Her grey eyes are intense and full of contrasting emotions.  All for him. “Let’s go.” She finally speaks, her tone decisive and unyielding.

He has nothing but the clothes on his back, but instead of a pitying glance, she nods.  It’s almost cathartic that she’s here and he has no physical baggage to take.  She tosses her purse from the passenger seat into the back so he can settle in.

He notices the ring when she places her hands on the steering wheel.  Ten-and-two, ever predictable.

“You’re engaged.” He cannot hide the shock, the disdain that he feels.

“Yes.”

Her response is sharp and leaves no invitation for a response, but he can’t help it as the jealousy bubbles up through his core.

“Had enough waiting on the addict to clean up his act?” As soon as the words are out of his mouth, he feels instant regret.  He’s always been a hothead who runs his mouth before thinking, but he can tell these words sting deep.  They pain him too.

She flinches and releases a haggard breath.

“That’s not fair.  You left.  You stopped calling.  You stopped picking up.  You couldn’t even text.  And then your number went out.  Now you’ve called me from a payphone.  It’s been three years.” Her eyes remain firmly on the road, hands clenching the wheel, but he can see her body tremble and hear the strain in her voice. She’s angry.  Furious.

He slumps, “I’m sorry.” His whisper is meek as he understands a mere apology is not nearly enough to make amends for the past.  It doesn’t explain why he had to disappear, why he went away for so long.  It can’t make her understand his reasons.

She nods almost imperceptibly and seems to consider a game plan.  “I’ll take you to Sesshomaru’s.”

“No.” He’s vehement. There’s no chance in hell he will turn to his half-brother.  Especially now.

“Sango and Miroku’s then.”

“And?” He balks at the conjunction.

“They’re married now. Have been for a year.  You would’ve been his Best Man, but …”

She trails off, but he understands.  They couldn’t find him, reach him.  The hole he left in their lives appears to be much greater than he imagined.  

They drive in silence for nearly an hour.  He wants to speak, wants to tell her everything, but he can’t find the words; and based on the furtive glances she keeps sending him, she can’t either.

“I was so scared you were dead.” She finally whimpers.

“Some days I wished I was.” He admits forlornly.

She looks at him for a few moments before staring back at the road, brows furrowed, mouth turned down.

“I’m glad you’re not.”

Those are the last words spoken before silence consumes them again.

After they hit the city limits, she drives to a house in the suburbs.  It looks like a dream with its double-attached garage and neatly manicured lawn.  A chokecherry tree sits among a bed of flowers in the middle of the green; simple yet attractive and he knows whose home he stands in front of.  She leads him from the driveway to the royal blue front door and it opens almost immediately, revealing two faces he has longed to see almost as much as Kagome’s. Their expressions are a combination of disbelief and relief.  Miroku does not hesitate to embrace him with a sigh as Sango looks on with tears in her eyes.  He reaches a tentative hand out to her which she grasps tightly with a closed smile.

They usher him into the house and guide him to their kitchen.  Miroku settles him into a spot at the breakfast bar as Sango pours him a glass of water.  They do not speak, though the questions in their eyes are obvious.  Miroku nods at him as he and Sango walk back to the door, to Kagome.  She hasn’t come in.  Her face has been drawn since they stopped speaking during the drive.  

He waits inside the kitchen as they speak outside.  He could train his ears to listen to their conversation, and briefly considers it, but he chooses not to.  His absence has prohibited him from those intimacies.  They are different people now, just as he is.  They are probably discussing how to get him on his feet again as quickly as possible so they can get back to their lives.  Why would they want him to stay? Why would they want him around for longer than necessary?

Miroku and Sango return to him.  He hears the telltale roar of an engine and knows Kagome has gone.  He feels sadness, but knows why she’s left without a word. After all, who can jump right into caring for your former partner who has all but risen from the grave?

Sango looks him over, assessing him thoroughly.  He avoids her eyes, unsure of what emotions she’s wearing and afraid to meet them.  Shame fills his bones.  Maybe he should have stayed away.  Maybe he should have stayed dead in their minds.  He is a spot on their pristine lives.

Miroku refills his glass of water and replaces it on the counter before sitting on the stool beside him.

“You’re alive,” he finally breathes.

Inuyasha meets Miroku’s gaze and is warmed to see compassion and joy in his deep blue eyes.  The shame that was eating him just moments ago fades ever so slightly.

“You’re home.” Miroku states, “It’s a miracle.  Where have you been? What have you been doing?”

The dam is officially broken and all the questions that he knew were coming are finally bare, and despite everything, he feels entirely unprepared to answer.  So he starts slow, begins with the day they last saw him.  He tells them of his travels, the hitchhiking, the homelessness, but skimps out on the details of things he has done, the sins he has committed.  Those are secrets he will take to the grave.  He is unwilling to mar the consciences of those he loves.

“Have you…” Sango shakes her head, unable to finish her question, but he fully comprehends what she means to ask.

“No.  I’ve been clean since the day I left.”

“Then why?”

“Loose ends.” He murmurs. “I had to settle my debts.  They … they would’ve come for her if I didn’t comply.”

“For so long?”

Three years is nothing, he wants to tell them.  He’s lucky he only had to serve that long.  Naraku is a malevolent bastard and exploits the last breath out of most.  Frankly, his death would have been an easier price to pay.

“I had to earn my freedom.” He admits this ashamedly and hopes they don’t press for more.

“Why didn’t you tell us?”

“It wasn’t so simple.”

“So you disappeared.” Sango states brusquely, her tone is harsh and unforgiving.  “You broke her heart, you know.  You broke all of our hearts when you left.”

That admission freezes him from the inside.  He knew his absence would be difficult for them all, but hearing it spoken aloud affects him more than he thought it would.  He imagines Kagome sobbing into her pillow.  It’s a scene that is all too familiar, he’s caused her many tears – too many.

“I know.  I’m sorry.” He repeats his submissive apology from earlier and slumps, his forehead almost touching the counter.

“You’re here now,” Miroku responds comfortingly and places a hand on his shoulder, “You’re here.  You’re alive.  You’re safe.  That’s what matters.  We can help you now, if you want it.”

He lifts his head and looks directly at Sango whose cinnamon eyes convey grief and yet hold a glimmer of hope.  He turns to Miroku who is awaiting his response.

“Yes.” He declares, confidence daring to materialize, “Please.”

Later that evening he is settling into the spare bedroom they’ve given him.  Before him is a suitcase of his belongings that Kagome has dropped off on the front step.  He takes a breath and opens it.  He is quickly overcome with her sweet scent which is deeply embedded in each item. The clothes are slightly too big for him now.  Three years of constantly moving, being on the run, and meager meals have diminished his former stature.

Amongst his clothes is a red leather-bound book.  A journal. It smells more intimately of Kagome than everything else.  She has wept openly on these pages, he can tell.  He opens it and thumbs quickly through the pages.  Each entry is a letter addressed to him.  As he flips through the journal certain phrases jump out at him amidst the lines of her loopy hand.

I want to hate you.

Where are you?

I wish I had never met you.

Are you alive?

I wish I could hold you.

Please come home.

I love you.

He shudders as he realizes that these pages hold missives from the last three years.  These are Kagome’s thoughts, her feelings.  This is an intimacy he thought was nearly impossible now.  She has to have put this with his things on purpose.  She’s thorough like that.  Every action is purposeful, thoughtful.  He finds the last entry in the journal, it’s dated today.

Inuyasha,

This is a collection of letters that I began writing when I realized you weren’t coming home anytime soon.  Eventually I thought you weren’t coming home at all.  I used these to talk to you as if you were still by my side.  I don’t know what you’ve been through and maybe giving you this journal is selfish of me, but I needed you to see.

I hope they help you understand why I can’t be the one to help you right now.  I need time. It’s ironic saying that after you’ve been gone for three years.  It feels like there’s been nothing but time between us.  I thought you were dead when I received your call today.  I thought I was hearing a ghost.  I’m so grateful you’re alive, but things are different now.  We are not the same people we were before.

I need to figure this out.

Please understand.

Kagome

It isn’t until tears splatter on the page that he realizes he is crying.  Of course she needs time.  He knew this was a possibility when he made the phone call this afternoon. He’d hoped against hope that she would come for him and take him back fully.  But that was wishful thinking.  He knew there was a chance she would turn him away.  She could have hung up as soon as she heard his voice.  But she came for him, made arrangements for him.  But she is engaged to another man.  She needs to figure out if there is still room in her life for him.

For her, he’d wait a lifetime.  Even to just be her friend.

It is another three months before he sees Kagome again.  He’s read that journal more times than he cares to admit.  All her sleepless nights are immortalized in those grid-lined pages, that he’s now dog-eared and bookmarked.  Her worries, fears, even her dreams laid bare.  He knows how often she cried when he was in the depths of his addictions, but it has taken this journal to make him truly appreciate how deeply he hurt her, even after he was gone.  And to his astonishment, it wasn’t the behaviour that hurt her the most, it was his poor viewpoint of himself.

I wish you could see you how I do.

I should have told you more what you meant to me.

I regret every moment I didn’t say “I love you.”

He knows Sango sees her regularly, he can always scent her when Sango arrives home.  It’s not as if they’re keeping their meetings a secret, but he’s respecting her space even though it kills him.  It bothers him when he can smell the sadness of her tears and the tinge of fatigue.  He wonders what causes her tears these days, why she’s so often tired, why sometimes there’s a trace of illness in her scent that lingers on Sango.  From Miroku he learns that she’s busy with her residency at the hospital.  Ever the studious achiever.  Ever wanting to help others.  To heal.

This is the reason he knows she’d never give up on him.  It’s why she was the one he called.  She’s a walking bleeding heart, always has been.  She sees the best in people, even when their best is a mere speck amidst obscurity.  When he was at his worst, she stood by him.  When everyone else had lost hope and he’d been slipping deeper into his addictions, his darkness, she stayed.  She brought him back from the brink of death’s door one too many times.  Back then, she truly loved him.  And he’s holding onto hope with every fiber of his being that she still does.

He hopes she’s proud of him and the progress he’s making.  Since he’s been back, he’s found work thanks to Miroku’s contacts in construction.  He’s proven himself to be a hard worker and has met a journeyman to mentor him as an apprentice in iron work.  It’s also helped boost his confidence with reintegrating into society.  At work, no one cares what his past is, what skeletons he hides in the closet, as long as he gets the job done.  At work, they’re all sinners just trying to get by.

He stays away from the parties and the after-work bar stops.  He recognizes the patterns in some of his colleagues all too well.  One drink leads to two leads to three leads to smack or blow or both which leads to miserable mornings because you’ve spent all night chasing that first-time spark.  No matter how hard you try, you can never attain that feeling again and still you chase. It’s the vicious cycle.  He’s done with that life.  It’s taken too much away from him, cost him too much.

Miroku and Sango have let him know that Kagome will be coming for dinner, so he’s had ample time to prepare.  But when she arrives in the doorway and her scent hits him like a freight train, he panics. Has she had enough time? Has she made a decision? Will she want him to stay away?  He runs to his room and leans back against the closed door.  He’s stared down the barrels of guns with less fear than what he’s experiencing in this moment.  

He smells her before he hears her footsteps arriving at his door.  Trepidation grips him as he hears her voice call to him for the first time in three months.  This is so much harder than that very first phone call that has brought him home.

“Inuyasha?”

She’s there, he can tell her face is pressed to the wood.  Her voice is soft, hesitant.  Perhaps she is just as nervous as him.

“Can I come in?”

He quakes as he reaches for the handle and turns it painfully slow.  He inches the panel open.  Finally, finally, he opens it all the way and turns to face her.

Her face is a portrait of concern and tenderness.  Her grey eyes are intense as they’ve always been and are already filling with tears. Her arms are wrapped around herself as if she’s blocking a gale.

He steps aside to let her in and shuts the door behind her.

She stares at the floor and he focuses on a spot on the wall above her head for a few moments.  He is completely stunned when she launches herself at him, wrapping her arms around his waist and clutching as hard as she can. As he wraps his arms around her shoulders, she sobs fiercely and he feels tears prick the back of his own eyes.

He cups the back of her head, gently stroking her hair, and whispers repeatedly, “I’m sorry.”

It feels as if hours have passed when Kagome’s tears finally subside.  His body protests when she begins to pull away, but she clasps his hand and pulls him to sit on his bed.  She pulls a tissue out of her jeans pocket and wipes her face.

“Sango tells me you’ve been working,” her voice is pinched from crying, but he admires her attempts at normal conversation.

“Yeah, it’s going well.”

“Good,”

She smiles then and he thinks it’s the best thing he’s seen in years.  Her eyes are red and swollen, and her cheeks are ruddy, but her smile can still light up a room and he’s glad that it’s his.

“I … really am glad that you’re home.”

“Me too,”

“I’ve missed you a lot,

“Me too,” He feels like a goddamn broken record, but he may combust if he attempts more words.

“And … I’d like it if we could start hanging out again.”

He gapes at her, slack-jawed and eyes wide.  While he has been hoping for this, it is still a surprise to hear it straight from her lips.  His mind races with all the things he wants to say and his heart is lodged in his throat.

“That is … if you’d want to,”

He realizes that he’s taken too long to respond and she’s beginning to backtrack.  In a lot of ways, they are still the same people they were; confident in so many circumstances and yet, with each other, eternally hesitant and nervous.

“Of course I want to,”

The words rush out of his mouth in an effort to reassure her.  

“I would love to spend time with you.  I just wasn’t sure … if you’d …” he’s stumbling and feels like a fool, but he needs her to know.  He needs her to understand just how much he wants to be back in her life.

She smiles again and his world warms once more.

“I guess we shouldn’t keep them waiting any longer.”

It takes him a moment to remember that their friends are downstairs with dinner and they stand together. He realizes as they descend the stairs that she has not let go of his hand at all.  Her diamond ring is notably absent from her finger, but he leaves that question for another time.

Dinner is a simple affair and it’s the lightest he’s felt in years.

- - - - -

If there’s anything his life has taught him, it’s that happiness is temporary.  Six months of being home, six months of stability, and three months of having Kagome back in his life on a regular basis have made him happy.  It’s a feeling he didn’t think was possible, didn’t think he was worthy of.  After all, when life has ceaselessly handed him cruel lessons, why would happiness even be an option? So when it all comes crashing down as he’s out running errands with Miroku, it doesn’t surprise him, but it still hurts like a motherfucker.

“It’s you.”

The words are scathing and resentful.  He dreadfully lifts his gaze to meet the eyes of the person who seems to offended by his mere existence.  She’s a petite woman with short black hair, but the animosity in her eyes belies her diminutive stature.

“How dare you?” Her tone is soft but punitive.  “How dare you insert your filthy little hands back into Kagome’s life.  She was finally moving on.  She was happy.  She was going to marry Akitoki, he would have taken care of her.  He was good for her.  But you couldn’t stay away.  She broke off her engagement because of you.  You’re taking advantage of her heart.  She’s let go of her chance at happiness, and for what? To take care of you? A worthless little nobody who can’t wait for his next fix?”

The woman is viciously relentless.  Her diatribe is unforgiving, slicing him to the very bone.

He is completely frozen. He wants to yell back at her, tell her that he’s quite aware of how he is undeserving of Kagome’s compassion and forgiveness.  He knows that he’s been the cause of her pain and tears.  He knows he’s gotten more second chances than he deserves.  He knows her life was easier without him.  He knows Kagome is better than him.  He knows.  Oh, he knows.

He vaguely registers that Miroku has taken a step between them and is reprimanding the woman.  Eri, he remembers.  She’d been a friend of Kagome’s through school and had been more than vocal of her disapproval of him even then.

Eri quickly turns her malice toward Miroku.

“You’re no friend of Kagome, letting this fuck-up back into her life.”

“That’s enough.  I won’t allow you to continue vilifying Inuyasha.  And Kagome is fully capable of deciding for herself who she associates with.”

Miroku’s tone is level, but Inuyasha can tell he is running out of patience.  Miroku grips his elbow and guides him away from the venomous witch, but not before she can get a final word in.

“You should have stayed dead.”

He flinches then, her phrase echoing endlessly through his mind, settling into his gut and clawing at him from the inside.

Somehow Miroku gets them home, everything is a blur with that bitch’s voice reverberating in his skull. He hears Miroku’s voice, but he cannot focus on the words.  All he understands is hatred and disgust.  Everything he has worked for is worthless.  Is this the way it’s always going to be?

She finds him on the back porch, sitting on the stairs, staring blankly toward the sunset.  She sits beside him on the step and sighs. Her voice is weary.

“Miroku told me everything. I’m sorry that happened.”

“She wasn’t wrong.”

“What?” Her shock is more than evident.  She clutches his forearm with both hands and he can sense her tears beginning to form, “How can you say that?”

He doesn’t dare look at her, he knows it’ll ruin his resolve.  As low as he feels, he feels a ripple of anger brewing in his gut.  Eri’s words have been festering in his brain, allowing an old and familiar voice to break through.  He’s a half-breed, accepted but unlovable.  He’s stupid and useless, completely unworthy of happiness. He’s committed too many wrongs to ever deserve redemption.  It’s been a long time, but the feeling inside is one he’ll never forget.  He’s craving a high to numb this pain, this goddamn fucking anger.

“If you want that perfect life, you should take it.  I don’t want your fucking pity party.  I know you look down on me.  Poor Inuyasha and his asshole attitude.  The only time he’s bearable is when he’s high as a damn kite and that’s only because he doesn’t know up from fucking down.  Of course, the downside is that he might stop breathing.” He scoffs harshly, “Or, is that the upside?”

He knows his voice is bitter and that he’s gotten louder.  It’s echoing the one Eri used earlier.  He’s shaking from the anger, or is it something else?  This scene feels all too familiar, almost like déjà vu; but somehow, it’s different now.

“Inuyasha.  Stop.”

She’s pleading with him, her grip on his arm has gotten tighter.  He knows she’s weeping openly; he can scent her tears and hear the stutter in her breath.  It’s all too familiar.  After all, this is what he’s good at: making her cry.

“Doesn’t fucking matter I’ve been clean three years.  That’s all anyone will see, a fucking deadbeat addict.  You’d be better off with that doctor.  He can take care of you, pamper you.  He’ll be enough.  He’ll deserve you.  That’s not me.  That’ll never be me.  All I’ll ever be is a fuck-up.”

“Don’t.”

She whimpers and lets her grip loosen.  He’s sure she’s going to walk away, get back in her car and leave.  He keeps his stare steady on the sun that has almost completely slipped beyond the horizon.  There’s a war waging inside of him – his angels and demons come out to play.  Not for the first time, he bitterly wonders if this continued sobriety is worth it.  She’s going to leave, just as she should.

When her hand comes up and gently cups his cheek, he is completely undone.  She tenderly moves his face, but he keeps his gaze downcast.  Her hand is soft and warm to the touch as her thumb swipes away his tears.  Of course she’s staying.  Her bleeding heart won’t let her leave.  He cries for her, her lost opportunities, her damn sympathetic selflessness.  But she surprises him again in what she utters; and in her words, he finds hope.

“You have always been enough for me.  I have always seen you.  The you who loves me and would do anything to protect me.  The you who acts tough because you’re scared of rejection.  The you who wishes you could change the past. The you who is more determined and smarter than you realize.  The you who has worked hard to conquer those shitty demons inside.  That’s who I see.”

She sighs and he feels her whole body tremble.

“Every time you used, I was terrified.  I was so scared that you wouldn’t wake up one day, that you’d stop breathing, that your heart would fail.  That I would lose you.  It made me angry, it’s why I pushed you so hard.  I wanted you to get sober for me.”

He meets her eyes then, their pretty grey glimmers in what’s left of the sunlight through the sheen of her tears.  In them he finds no pity, only benevolence.  Everything she has said, he has heard her say before.  He’s read it before.  But this is why it isn’t a complete déjà vu, it’s different.  It’s different because they are different.  They have grown and she confirms it with her next statement.

“It was selfish.  I wanted you to get sober, but you needed to do it for yourself.”

He reaches up to grasp her wrist, lightly squeezing in lieu of all the words he wants to say.

She lets the corners of her mouth turn upwards ever so slightly.

“And you did.  You succeeded.  I don’t know what you’ve been through these last few years, and maybe I’ll never know, but what I do know is that you came home.  You did what you had to and came back to me, and I am prouder of you than you can ever imagine.”

She presses her lips to his forehead and gathers him in her arms.  He allows himself to take comfort in her embrace because comfort is not happiness and is not so easily taken away.

He goes back to her apartment with her that night.  Their apartment.  It looks the same as the day he left.  He is simultaneously comforted and haunted by the familiarity.  This place that they made home together.  Where they laughed and fought.  Where he wasted his nights and she cared for him.  This is where he had joy and lost it.  This is where he left her.

She putters around the kitchen, putting the kettle on for tea.  As she pulls two mugs from the cabinet, he realizes that they’re the matching set they painted for each other on a date some lifetime ago.  She sees the recognition in his stare and begins to speak.

“I’m sure you’ve noticed I kept everything the same.” She smiles timidly and her eyes are filled with earnest, “Everyone thought it was unhealthy, but it kept me sane.  They tried to convince me to move out of here, and I was adamant that I wouldn’t – couldn’t.  Because if you came home and found I wasn’t here, I wouldn’t have forgiven myself.”

She busies herself again, pulling out a tin of teabags and a sleeve of arrowroot cookies.

“And then as time went on and I started fearing the worst, I needed to hang onto my memories of you, of us.  So, everything stayed the same.  Even though I was moving forward with school and … eventually, Akitoki,” She glances downward, sheepish.  “Home was my constant.  It was me. It was you.  It was us.  It is us.”

He steps toward her. He has so many questions and a spark of hope is igniting in his veins.

“Why?”

The word hangs between them and he tries in vain to push that hope down, down, down.  It is such a simple word, and yet holds so much impact.

She lifts her eyes to meet his, grey colliding with amber, understanding pouring through.

“We met when I started my residency. He was a third-year.  At first, I didn’t pay him any mind, but he kept persisting.  Eventually I figured meeting for coffee wouldn’t hurt.” She pauses, reaching for his hand.  “You have to understand that you’d been gone for almost two years.  I was lonely.  And … and he was safe.”

She scoffs, grips his hand tighter, and leans fully on the counter.  

“He was a proper gentleman. Waited a month before he kissed me the first time, even asked permission before he did.  It was another month after that before we officially became boyfriend and girlfriend.  It was a bit of a surprise when he proposed on our anniversary.  Obviously, I said yes – you saw the ring.  Except, it felt wrong.  It was all wrong.  We hadn’t even talked about the future or even moving in together, hadn’t done more than kiss.  But I guess that’s part of propriety.  And yet, I said yes because it was safe, that stupid word.”

His mind is racing.  Safe is not a word he has ever been associated with. What does it even mean? He searches her face for a clue, and anxiously waits for her to continue.  This is a conversation they have not deigned to have yet in the three months since they’ve been friends again.  The kettle is boiling rapidly now, but he knows that it’ll automatically shut off.

“Then five months later, you called me and this feeling I hadn’t felt in so long came rushing back. You were alive.  It was like the clouds were finally parting after a heavy rain.  I didn’t know what to expect when I came to pick you up, and this tiny part of me told me not to go, but it was right.  I felt right again, but I was scared.  So I stayed away.  Then I heard from Sango and Miroku that you were working and doing well and I was missing out on that.  I broke off the engagement.  As much as he was sweet and safe … he wasn’t you.”

Tears are welling in her eyes and he feels his are getting misty as well.  He steps and pulls all in one motion, wrapping his arms around her tightly. His heart is pounding out of his chest and that spark of hope is now a flame.  

She draws in a haggard breath and mumbles against his chest.

He tilts his head down to look at her, silently pleading for her to repeat what she’s just said.  His ears picked up her message, but he needs to know for sure.

She tips her chin upwards and shyly brushes her lips against his and repeats herself a little more loudly, “I love you.”

“How can you be so sure?”

Her eyes darken and she presses a kiss to his jaw.

“Because you’re you. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been away.”

He whimpers, “Kagome,”

She kisses him fully then, grasping his face to ensure he can’t pull away, not that he wants to.  His heart is exploding.  She has always been able to read him, know what he’s thinking. And she has always known what he needs most.  This kiss is full of promises, assurances.  This is real.

“You are important. You are loved.  You are worthy of it all.”

She guides him to her bedroom.  Their bedroom.  He sits on the edge of the bed in disbelief that he is back in this room.  He can hardly believe that this woman is standing before him with love in her eyes.  This amazing, beautiful, strong, resilient woman who is holding the door to happiness wide open.  He only has to cross the threshold.  He falters. Happiness is dangerous.  Happiness is temporary.  But she is here and he trusts her implicitly.  With her, happiness is feasible.

With one look into her deep stormy eyes, he makes a choice.

“Kagome.”

Her name.  The only word he seems capable of uttering.  In her name he promises to try.  Promises to treat her well, make up for the pain he has caused her.  Promises to try and see himself through her eyes.  Promises to be kinder to himself.  Promises to help build their life together back up.  He knows with her, they will succeed.

She caresses his face and drops her lips to meet his once again, resting her knees on either side of him. He clutches her waist and revels in the familiarity of her body pressed against his.  Their motions are slow, meticulous, not dictated by hormones and lust.  And they fall into a routine, a dance that hasn’t been done in years and yet they fall back into with practiced ease.

With every kiss she presses hotly into his skin, she whispers continuous affirmation.  

You are enough.

You are worthy.

You are mine.

I love you.

He finds words still impossible to formulate and voice, so he allows his actions to speak for him. Each caress, each kiss, each touch is full of reverence and adoration.  When he finally sinks into her and they become one, he truly feels like he is home.  And all of his feelings of unworthiness and self-loathing begin to ebb, for it is the love of this woman and her unwavering belief in him that he can begin to heal.

As they settle into each other, heavy with the lure of sleep, he whispers in her ear, “I love you.”

She nestles into him closer and kisses his wrist.

For the first time, in a very long time, he feels worthy.  

FINAL NOTES:

I wanted to mention some things as a bit of a debrief to this story, if you will. This is a story that is very personal for me and is quite heavy. Hopefully the ending was enough of a pleasant one to offset the weight a bit.

The way I designed this story, Inuyasha and Kagome are separated during the toughest part of his recovery. The decision to stay with or leave a partner with addiction is a difficult one and can be different for everyone, especially because addiction is so highly stigmatized. A lot of the time the person struggling already carries guilt. Addiction so very often stems from trauma, depression, and/or other forms of mental illness and these need to be addressed first.

Regardless of whether you stay or go, it is important to set boundaries for yourself. Addiction is often labeled as a third-party to relationships because it attempts to wear down the people involved and whittle them down to their weakest and worst. If you are supporting someone through addiction and an active part of their recovery, it is vital to remember self-care and recognize when you need to say no and that it is okay to do so. It is NOT your responsibility to "cure" them.

If you are somebody who cares for someone struggling with addiction, I am happy to share resources that I have found helpful if you would like to reach out.

On another note, I do have ideas about where and what Inuyasha was up to during his three-year absence. It would probably contain heavier content than this piece, but also be a bit more fantastical. If the inspiration hits or if there’s interest, I’ll probably try and write it. Anyway, comments and likes are love. Thank you so much for reading my return to fan fiction!

#inuyasha #inuyasha fanfiction #inuyasha fic #omg i'm writing again #inukag #tw: drugs #tw: addiction #angst #angst with a happy ending #angst with a hopeful ending #tw: low self esteem #tw: depressive thoughts #rated m

[iamnotawomanimagod]

2021 Year in Review!

I was tagged by the forever-lovely @boomheda (thank you Luce!!) to do our annual year-in-review post. I did this last year (and I think the year before, but I can't find it!) Very happy to keep the tradition going!

Tagging a bunch of people but don't feel obligated!! @dylanobrienisbatman @bombshellsandbluebells @rosealie @laufire @lovelybeautifulpretty @neverwantedsaving @theemptysound @nomattertheoceans @nicoleanell @tolerateit and anyone else who wants to do this!! Please feel free to steal it!!

Under a cut because I've got a lot to say, dammit. I don't expect anyone to read the whole thing, it's mostly for me, haha <3

Top 5 Movies You Watched This Year

I so rarely watch movies, especially since COVID-19 started. So the top 2 of this list are the only "new" ones I watched, and the other three were revisits.

1. Inside (Bo Burnham)

This was such an incredible film experience, one which I think will be remembered as very emblematic of 2020 and 2021. I've kept the music on rotation all year, too.

2. The Hunger Games: Mockingjay

I never got around to watching this one when it came out in theaters. I finally rewatched the entire movie series this year, and finished it up with the final film. I think it's a decent adaptation!

3. Josie and the Pussycats

My sisters and I loved this movie when we were younger and watched it over and over again. I was surprised at how much I'd forgotten, and how much of it had gone over my head as a kid. It's very fun and campy and super underrated as a satire of musicianship under capitalism. But it's also a sweet and charming Grrl Power movie, which I rediscovered my love for this year, also thanks in part to...

2. The Cheetah Girls

This was another one that was on constant rotation when I was a kid. So I was especially delighted to share that cheetahlicious love with @rosealie in 2021! The music still slaps, and the looks will never be replicated in terms of iconic early 2000s girl fashion.

1. The Emperor's New Groove

I think I could watch this movie a thousand times and never get tired of it.

Top 5 TV Shows You Watched This Year

TV was soooo good this year, honestly. I had a blast with a bunch of different shows.

5. Season 3 of You -

Especially because I got to watch it more or less in tandem with several mutuals, and seeing everyone react in real time was a delight. It was such an insane season. Really great to watch Love and Joe fully embrace who they were and all of the absolutely batshit choices they made as a result. Penn Badgley and Victoria Pedretti absolutely killed their performances, and really kept the entire season so engaging when it could've been really slow.

I'm still pretty bummed about the ending and not sure if I'll continue on with s4, but s3 was a fun ride!

4. Midnight Mass

I almost gave up on this show, because it really tested even my deep love for long, introspective monologues. And the animal death in the beginning is rough. But once I finished the fifth episode, I was so glad I pushed through. It ends up being one of the most beautiful, heart-wrenching, hopeful meditations on the afterlife and faith and love that I've ever watched.

It's not for everyone. It wasn't much like The Haunting Anthology at all. This is a challenging show on a lot of levels, and certainly not one everyone is going to find value in. But I really loved it, and it only confirmed for me how brilliant Mike Flanagan is at telling dark, human stories.

3. Shadow & Bone

I gained like 3.5 OTPs from this show, lmao. It's a really fun setting, great world-building and magic systems, and the story is pretty good. But I think what really pulled me in and kept me going is how drop-dead gorgeous every. single. character. is.

I don't know what it is about this cast, but they are all my type. Inej, Kaz, Alina, Mal, Nina, Mattias, Anya, Zoya, of course Jesper, even the Darkling - hottest people I've ever seen, never leave my screen, let me feast my eyes on you forever.

2. Squid Game

I managed to sneak in riiiight before the hype really kicked off. I'm glad because I was able to go in with fresh eyes and zero spoilers, plus no real expectations of what I was about to see. I don't know if any show could've lived up to the hype levels this one reached, but damn, it comes really, really close.

Brilliantly acted, well-written, full of twists and turns and crazy suspense, plus enough comic relief to break the tension. Gi-Hun is such a funny, silly protagonist at first, so to see him break down as the violence progresses was so compelling. Big kudos to Lee Jung-jae for making him so layered and human. And of course, my heart was stolen by Sae-Byeok just like everyone else's was.

Visually it was one of the most unique settings I've seen in a long time. It was refreshing to get bright, bold colors and big, hard lines and shapes. Plus it added such a lovely contrast to the horrors of the games. I really liked it, and I'm excited to check out more non-English language shows, because I think there are a lot of really cool stories that don't make it to the Western mainstream often enough.

1. Legacies

Ahh, this dumb, fun, stupid show. I talk about it too much for it to not top my list. It's basically my new The 100, although I'll never let myself get that emotionally invested in a show from The CW again, lmao. And the fandom is clearly a dumpster fire, one I want nothing to do with.

But the show really has my heart!! I appreciate that we're finally coming to some of the consequences we've been building towards for so many seasons - Hope becoming a tribrid and flipping her humanity switch; Landon fufilling his "destiny" as Malivore's vessel and then tragically being killed by Hope; Lizzie becoming a heretic; the whole compelling Hope/Lizzie frenemy dynamic; Alaric coming to terms with his sins in limbo; even Josie leaving to go live her own life. It's all stuff that's been hinted at for so long, it's nice to have some closure. And I've loved seeing Cleo's story progress, and Finch finding a home. Even Kaleb turning into a dragon has been a welcome surprise, albeit a weird one.

I'm a bit anxious about where it'll go from here - I think we've hit the peak now and can only go downhill. They're about to invent more villains and more problems, since the original conflict has now been resolved, and that has never gone well in a TVDU show. But they might surprise me!

Top 5 Songs of 2021

Well the first five are all from If I Can't Have Love, I Want Power, so I'm putting them, in order, at #1, lol. Just so there's actually some variety. Taken from Spotify Wrapped!

5. "E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY LIFE" by CORPSE, feat Savage Ga$p

4. "MONTERO (Call Me By Your Name)" by Lil Nas X

3. "Save That Shit" by Lil Peep

2. "Serotonin" by girl in red

1. "I am not a woman, I'm a god," "honey," "You asked for this," "Bells in Santa Fe," and "Easier Than Lying" - Halsey

Top 5 Albums You Heard In 2021

5. NEED by 3Oh!3

Top tracks: LAST BREATH, I'M SO SAD, LONELY MACHINES

4. Happier than Ever by Billie Eilish

Top tracks: Happier than Ever, Lost Cause, NDA, Therefore I Am, I Didn't Change My Number, and Billie Bossa Nova.

3. Inside (The Songs) by Bo Burnham

Top tracks: All Eyes on Me, Welcome to the Internet, 30, Don't Wanna Know, Shit, That Funny Feeling, Look Who's Inside Again, and Goodbye.

2. MONTERO by Lil Nas X

Top tracks: MONTERO (Call Me By Your Name,) DEAD RIGHT NOW, LOST IN THE CITADEL, TALES OF DOMINICA, LIFE AFTER SALEM, and ONE OF ME (feat Elton John.)

1. If I Can't Have Love, I Want Power

Top tracks: Easier than Lying, honey, You asked for this, Bells in Santa Fe, Whispers, 1121, Ya'aburnee, Lilith, and I am not a woman, I'm a god.

Top 5 Books You Read in 2021

I really don't read anymore, unfortunately! So I'm going to make my own category. Feel free to do top books, or my suggestion, or your own thing, or whatever!

Instead - Top 5 YouTube Channels in 2021

5. Binging with Babish is fun, informative, and great for learning about slightly more advanced techniques in the kitchen that the average home cook doesn't consider trying. Getting to see different pop culture foods recreated in a tasty way is really neat!

4. Watcher is where you can find the Buzzfeed Unsolved boys now, as well as their former Buzzfeed compatriot Stephen Lim. Ryan and Shane have come up with a lot of funny, interesting, and spooky new shows, and it's been really fun to watch their channel grow this year. I especially love Are You Scared? and Puppet History.

3. Mila Tequila has produced some of my favorite pop culture video essays this year, especially her takes on The Bling Ring scandal of the mid-aughties, as well as as really sensitive but thorough explainer on Amanda Bynes' tumultuous career. Her relaxed setup is refreshing when compared to so many other incredibly polished YouTubers, and I think she's really talented for an unpaid student, which makes her stick out on this list!

2. Trixie & Katya crack me up beyond belief, I'm so glad I discovered them, even if I'm not all that into drag race anymore. They've really transcended their beginnings and now have so much content, it's sometimes hard to keep up. I'm not complaining though! It's been a great year for them both and I'm excited to see what they do next.

1. The Try Guys are pretty much a daily part of my life, and I enjoy almost everything they produce. They're great role models, funny dudes, and really creative at coming up with new content, even almost seven years into their friendship. They are very much so my comfort show, and I'm glad they've gotten to do so much in 2021, even with the pandemic limiting their production style.

5 Positive Things That Happened In 2021

5. I was fortunate that I didn't get COVID-19, and although I do know a few people who had it, no one I know was permanently impacted or killed by it. I feel very lucky about that and I know what a blessing it is to not be grieving someone or something this year.

4. I visited Albuquerque, New Mexico for the first time and got to see some really cool art during their First Friday Art Walk. It was so refreshing to be around people and art again, and because New Mexico has a mask mandate and we were all vaccinated and this was pre-delta-or-omicron, it felt safe enough to really relax and have fun. It'd be a long time since I'd been able to do something like that and it really helped me feel a lot less restless.

3. Halsey released a truly stunning album this year, alongside a beautiful film. I wasn't expecting another album from them for at least a few years, so it was a really awesome surprise. It's one of my favorite albums of all-time and certainly my favorite in their discography.

2. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and started taking the right medication. I'm working with a psychiatrist that I trust, for the first time in my life, and I'm feeling better than ever. I still have a long way to go, but I'm moving forward for the first time in a very long time.

1. My husband got a job that he's been working towards for at least five years. He's settling into it and is very happy. We're in a more stable place than ever.

***

Overall this was actually a pretty good year for me, personally!! It could've been a lot worse, and I'm grateful things have mostly been okay for me and the people I love. I have no idea what 2022 holds, or really any expectations for what it should be. These days, I'm just happy to be here. And I'm happy you're along for the ride, if you've read this far, or follow me, or are my mutual!

Happy holidays! <3

#year in review #2021 year in review #tag games #boomheda #luce tag

[firelxdykatara]

kitty i can't wait for your thoughts of Shadow and Bone asdfasfaw

Ok well I just finished and I have so many fucking thoughts. Most good! Some, less so. Part of it may just be my bias because I’ve only read the Six of Crows duology and have little interest in actually reading the original trilogy, because I know how it ends and Leigh clearly hates me personally and doesn’t want me to be happy (/j), so I was already predisposed to be far more invested in the Crows and Darkling/Darklina segments (genuinely, the Mal/Malina scenes/storyline bored me to tears, and while I appreciate that the show went out of its way to change Mal’s character to make him much less of a toxic douchebag [I’ve read enough excerpts and explanations of his actions in the books to really loathe book!Malina], it isn’t enough to make me ship them when Darklina is right there), but I also don’t think it’s a stretch to say that the Crows absolutely stole the show.

It’s actually kind of funny, because I’d assumed they were only being so heavily marketed to hype the show up even more, since while there’s a lot of TGT/SoC fandom overlap they are also two fundamentally different genres and I’d wager there are a lot of people who are massive fans of one but not so enthused with the other, while remaining fairly insignificant to the overall plot. Turns out, they make up fully half of the show’s runtime (much to my delight). Which is part of what I think will help this series stand on its own, both as a book adaptation and simply as a fantasy TV series.

I’ll put more of my story-specific thoughts under a cut, so there’s lots of show spoilers to follow!

I know that a lot of early reviewers were saying that Alina’s motivations and storyline revolved too much around Mal, and that really held true for me. It made sense in the beginning--he was the only constant in her life, she was thrust into something new, terrifying, and completely unfamiliar, and they’d developed an unhealthy codependence as a coping mechanism for their childhoods and the traumas they faced, the lives they lead growing up in a war-torn country. But she started coming into her power, falling for the General--not just his power and charisma, but what she felt when she was with him. The way he helped her summon the sun, the way she felt free in a way she never had before.

Until it all went to shit--but the Darklina make-out scene in episode 5? Fucking iconic. Poetic fucking cinema. The way they were quite literally about to have sex on that wartable (and someone better write fic of that moment, what if they hadn’t gotten interrupted), and the General left, but then he ran back just to kiss her one more time... this is what OTPs are made of ok.

I think what really bothers me overall is that Alina ultimately lacked agency in her one storyline, pretty much the entire way through. She did make a few choices, but they were mostly incidental, and a lot of it was Alina desperately trying to get back to Mal rather than seizing her own power and destiny and running with it. The most prominent example is the end of episode 5--Alina is having happy make-outs and almost bones the General in his own war room, and then he leaves, and Baghra comes in and infodumps to her about how evil he is and how he’s only using her and she needs to escape.

I recognize that a lot of this is probably because that’s essentially what happened in the book and Leigh is an executive producer for the show so she has a lot of shot-calling power. However, I really think that even in the book this plotline would’ve been better-served by having Alina make these discoveries on her own.

For example, imagine that the letters which were used as framing devices for episodes 2 and 3 were vitally important to the plot, rather than being one-offs that are mentioned a few times but not really affecting much of anything. Alina begins to get suspicious when she doesn’t receive word from Mal, and she starts wondering if her letters are even reaching him--so she starts snooping. She finds ashes in the war room hearth, late at night,, and recognizes a fragment of Mal’s signature and larger piece of her own. She now knows that someone--possibly the General, but maybe that creepy priest guy, or someone else in the palace--is keeping her and Mal from contacting one another. So she starts snooping around even more. She asks the General leading questions, trying to figure out what the truth is of his intentions. She still feels this pull--this connection to him, and she hopes she’s wrong, but she’s not willing to just sit around and wait for the other shoe to drop.

The Winter Fete still happens, she still gets the hot make-out session with the General, and then when he’s called away, she snoops through his papers, looking for anything that can tell her the truth. She finds a hidden compartment filled with journals.

She reads about Aleksander’s past (and, incidentally, wasn’t that supposed to be a huge moment in the books, him revealing his true name to her in private? kinda wish it had been kept that way in the show but who knows where they’ll go with it in the future)--that leads to the flashbacks in episode 6. She feels for him, but she also reads further--she gets a firsthand look at his desire for power, something that began as a noble desire to save his people, but was twisted by a lust for vengeance (for his lost love and all the Grisha who were killed) and shot through with greed, the realization that if he found the Sun Summoner he could control the Fold, rather than just destroy it. He could create a new world where Grisha could live without fear--where Grisha could rule.

Alina is terrified. Whoever the General used to be--whatever humanity she saw flickering in his eyes, the way his heart fluttered when they kissed--she can’t trust that it’ll be enough to save her from plans centuries in the making. So she goes to Baghra, the woman who helped her discover her power, learn to channel it--the woman who always seemed to know much more than she ever let on. Baghra gives her side of the story--Alina got it from the General’s perspective first, now Baghra is telling her something framed much differently. She isn’t sure what or who to trust, but she knows that Baghra seems willing to help her escape--but rather than trusting her ‘loyal Grisha’, she makes the choice she made in the show, to choose the other path, and winds up with the Crows.

Idk how Mal and the Stag thing would fit into this (if it isn’t obvious by now, Mal just... doesn’t interest me), but Alina’s story and her character arc would be so much stronger for it. And she’s supposed to be the central character, so her story being weak and her agency so frequently being compromised ultimately hurts the show as a whole.

I know I’ve gone on and on about Alina and the Darkling (look, I’m a slut for enemies-to-lovers, and also lovers-to-enemies-and-back, so Darklina and Helnik are where so much of my investment is rooted--plus Kanej, but that almost goes without saying), but the true standouts of the series were the Crows. Inej, Kaz, and Jesper, and Nina and Matthias in their episodes, stole the show (along with the Darkling, Ben is far and away the best actor in the cast and I love that for him, but Freddy, Amita, and Kit are also amazing, and Danielle&Calahan were fucking phenomenal as Nina and Matthias--I do have to say, though, that the whole cast is really solid and has amazing chemistry).

They worked together so perfectly--Freddy and Amita communicated so much with their eyes alone, especially together, and a whole lot of their relationship dynamic is rooted in how they exist together, which really came through. The show altered the Crows timeline considerably (I’m pretty sure Kaz would’ve been 14 during the original trilogy lol), so Inej is still at the Menagerie, but things like Kaz putting up the Crow Club for Inej’s freedom, the way Kaz needed her but could never bring himself to say it (until the end of the season dklhfgdkjfgh i SCREAMED)--the way Jesper played off the both of them, and it’s so obvious they all love each other even though they’re criminals and thieves and murderers, and Kaz would never admit it (out loud--which actually feeds into my theory that his love language is acts of service; Kaz does things for the people he cares about, he never announces it and he will almost always try to downplay it, but the way you know he cares is if, for example, he puts his entire life, everything he built, up as collateral for your freedom), but they’re a family.

One thing that I was kind of iffy about was Inej’s refusal to kill--but I thought it might be something they were planning to work into her overall character arc, and they did. It was the one line she hadn’t crossed--in the books, I’d imagine that it took a while for Inej to wind up at that point, being willing to kill on top of everything else. So I actually like that they worked that into the Crows plotline, and Inej killing for the first time was to save Kaz’s life.

Just like Kaz’s first selfless act was to save her.

(He’d deny it, of course. He protects his investments. He needed her for the job. But the truth is, he did it for her. And he’d do it again. Even if he’d never admit it.)

Meanwhile, Nina and Matthias’ storyline was pretty much note-for-note according to their backstory as it was revealed in Six of Crows, and I loved every second of it. Their chemistry was perfect, their journey from enemies to begrudging allies to friends to maybe something more (Matthias’ stomach cockblocking them when they were about to kiss had me fucking SCREAMING AT THE TV, and then of course the whole ‘betraying him to save him’ thing happened and I sobbed), and then suddenly right back to enemies.

Because from Matthias’ perspective, he trusted a witch--believed in her, liked her, wanted her--and she turned on him. He has no idea that she wasn’t the one who knocked him out in the first place, and no reason to believe her, because as far as he knows, she just confirmed everything he’d ever been told about Grisha. That they are deceitful and treacherous, would turn on you as soon as look at you, that they are dangerous and not to be trusted. It wasn’t revealed in-show but I imagine Matthias’ backstory is largely the same, which means that his entire family was slaughtered by Grisha when he was a young boy, and then he was turned into a brainwashed child soldier by the witch hunters and never knew anything else.

They are perfectly primed for their SoC arc next season and I, for one, am so stoked to see the rest of their journey. And if I slip Netflix a couple twenties, maybe they’ll let Helnik have a happy ending please please please.

Anyway, yeah! I have a lot of thoughts but things are still percolating in my head so I’ll probably float around the tags for a bit and let things settle. This is just a preliminary overview of my thoughts in the immediate aftermath of bingeing the entire show in one night kldfjghdkjfhgkjgf

EDIT TO ADD: I CAN’T BELIEVE I FORGOT ABOUT THE TRUE STAR OF THE SHOW, M I L O

MILO BEST BOY. MILO THE MVP. MILO DESERVES ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THE WORLD AND I HOPE HE LIVES A HAPPY AND HEALTHY AND FULL LITTLE GOAT LIFE.

#shadow and bone #kanej #helnik #darklina #sab spoilers #alina starkov #the darkling #inej ghafa #kaz brekker #jesper fahey #malina salt #asked #cobraonthecob

[little-murmaider]

(Metalrat) I've got to be awful and ask about Magnus for the ship meme. XD

My NOTP for them: I feel guilty every time I answer this but it’s Hammertooth, I’m sorry.  My BROTP for them: Him and Melm are just two Guys Being Dudes who have been resurrected against their will and enjoy the occasional Bone Down. My OTP for them: Fully immersed in the MagCharles Hive. Love making myself sad and being made sad by the works of people I love and respect.  My second choice pairing for them: MagNate is my original On Fire Garbage Can ship and will always hold a special place in my heart.  My fluffy pairing for them: I can’t not write this man being bitter and miserable, physically. I have tried. It still turned out sad. Let me do something nice for you old man!!!!! I still haven’t done anything for it cause I don’t know how but I would like to figure out some domestic MagCharles someday.  My angsty pairing for them: Like literally all of them. But there’s a certain allure to the inevitable tragedy of Magnus/Skwisgaar. Something about Skwisgaar in the position of naive-ish protege and Magnus outpaced as the resentful but enthralled mentor just hits, you know? My favorite poly ship for them: Magnus/Nathan/Charles for pre-Klok,  Seth/Amber/Magnus/Melmord for post-Klok. My weirdest pairing for them: Magnua/MMA where MMA swings Magnus around by the ankles like a pool noodle. 

Send Me a Character and I’ll Tell You...

#asks #magnus hammersmith #thank you!!!! #sorry these aren't as in-depth as the other ones I'm passing out lol

[beeblackburn]

The First Law for the fandom ask! 😁

The first character I ever fell in love with: In hindsight, Logen Ninefingers, given how much he eviscerates his character trope so completely even then, but in the immediate, at the time, sense? The moment Sand dan Glokta first complained about the steps, my heart was gripped and it took awhile.

A character that I used to love/like, but now do not: On a personal level, too many to count, everyone’s either such a piece of shit or were written sympathetically enough before Abercrombie knocked the pedestal off them in this series. That being said, Sand dan Glokta. I still really like him, partly thanks to The Trouble with Peace and one hell of a choice scene, but after what he did near the end of Last Argument of Kings, and revising the series, I can’t help, but realize what I liked about him was the potential that he’d grow a heart and stop doing awful things, and him doubling down at the end was disappointing, if not surprising.

A ship that I used to love/like, but now do not: Jezal/Ardee. It was cute when I first read it, and I generally think Jezal had enough strength of character to try to do right by her, if the kingmaking business hadn’t been a thing, but I think it’s super telling that, upon being king, he thought about making her his mistress instead of realizing that wouldn’t have placated Ardee and she’d be bitter about the broken promise. In the end, they never fully knew each other, Jezal never knew the full extent of Ardee’s past, and what attracted them to each other was the dream of something better rather than anything substantial. I pity them, but they absolutely wouldn’t have worked out like Glokta/Ardee ended up doing.

My ultimate favorite character™: Logen “The Bloody-Nine” Ninefingers. But Black Calder and Crown Prince Orso are really close behind and they could easily climb overhead Logen with The Wisdom of Crowds. I’m expecting it with Crown Prince Orso, depending on how his character goes.

Prettiest character: Probably Crown Prince Orso? I know Leo dan Brock, Jappo mon Rogont Murcatto, and Stour Nightfall (though Jappo and Stour’s more my type) are objectively more handsome, but I like a little pudge in my handsome boys and Orso’s got that while having a prettier personality.

My most hated character: Collem West, easily, but I think Malacus Quai could've been better, character-wise.

My OTP: Everyone/Therapy. Seriously, Shy/Temple. Abercrombie can write some really sweet couples for such a self-professed cynic, given Calder/Seff, Bethod/Ursi, and Shenkt/Vitari.

My NOTP: Bayaz/Power. Seriously, Shev/Carcolf. Shev, please stop going after someone you know is toxic. Walk away and close that door forever. You deserve so much better, you gay babe.

Favorite episode: Red Country or The Heroes. 

Red Country has such a somber tone of bittersweet past and longing for redemption that I just ate up and broke my heart against. Lamb, Temple, Cosca, Shivers, Shy and the Felllowship, so many people want to do better from their pasts like in his past books but this time, maybe, just maybe, Abercrombie lets some of them win against their inner demons. It’s such a haunting book, men with the ghosts of their pasts hanging around them and the inevitability of changing times creeping onto them as they trek the Near and Far Country.

The Heroes is basically a typical cookie-cutter war story except it’s Abercrombie writing it. The entire Northern subplot of The First Law distilled into a narratively and thematically tight book, with some tremendously strong supporting characters, some of my favorite POVs (PRINCE CALDER! FINREE DAN BROCK! BREMER DAN GORST!) and carrying some of my favorite scenes of the entire series! It’s such a treat and I’ve loved each and all of my five rereads. This book puts all other war stories to shame for not even coming close.

Saddest death: Count Foscar (Monza relating him to the boy Benna was, laughing in the wheat, breaks me every time). Antaup (how dare you take a chapter to establish how heartbreaking a cock-blocker’s death would be, Abercrombie!), Tul Duru Thunderhead and Scale Ironhand. Oh, those hurt. Those hurt so much. And, despite how much of a shithead he was, Nicomo Cosca’s death hit me surprisingly hard. Sad and pathetic and broken.

Favorite season: Tricky. Because The Great Leveller and The Age of Madness have my favorite books in the entire series and the former’s got The Heroes and Red Country... but it’s also got Best Served Cold, which was I admittedly colder (heh) on. I’ll take the bullet that it’s a me problem and it’s still a fundamentally well-written book. The latter’s got A Little Hatred, which was a far better The Blade Itself in some ways, and, especially The Trouble with Peace, which was a roller-goddamn-coaster of a book with absolutely some of my favorite material by far. I’d say The Great Leveller for now, but I’m holding my breath on The Age of Madness usurping The Great Leveller in the end, given The Wisdom of Crowds sounds like it’s getting into all the revolutionary and freaky stuff I love about the trilogy, a relentless inferno for society and the soul.

Least favorite season: Look, I love every book in the Circle of the World, but The First Law was the result of Abercrombie stretching his legs for the first time, writing-wise, and it shows. Logen’s wife and children never fully breathe as a necessary part of him and his early magic shows growing pains in Abercrombie’s writing, West’s material isn’t as incisive a character deconstruction as it could’ve been (dude should’ve been more insidiously a piece of shit in his mind to subvert his “good commoner” trope), Dogman’s only gets by himself particularly interesting at the leg end of Last Argument of Kings, and Craw does his character better I’d say, Cathil and Ferro were underwritten (though I think Ferro’s got interesting stuff in her POV), and everything to do with Terez. Just. That. Ugh. The writing bones are solid and the main trio, Logen, Glokta, and Jezal, are all wonderful POVs, but I think it’s safe to say The First Law is Abercrombie’s freshmen writing, compared to his more affecting material in The Great Leveller and The Age of Madness.

Character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate: ... Shivers? I do love him in The Heroes, Red Country, and The Age of Madness, but it always drives me a little crazy how much Shivers’ worsening moral decline is linked to Monza fucking Rogont and not him instead, making him out to be an entitled hyper-jealous asshole, and I ended up being disgusted by him. Add in the fact that he knew what he was getting into when he took a violent job and kept going, despite at least two targets, and kept caving into Monza’s higher payments, Shivers was always a piece of shit in his own right. He fell, he wasn’t pushed by Monza. I like enough of Shivers’ Best Served Cold material, but I just like his later material far more, even if I respect his earlier journey.

That being said, if he sacrifices himself for Rikke’s life in The Wisdom of Crowds, I’m going to rescind all this, because that’s the sort of perfect grace note to the anti-Logen and paaaaaaaaaaaaain. So let’s just go with Threetrees because, by god, he’s a relative snooze compared to the other “straight edges” of the series.

My ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: This could define almost anyone in this series, frankly. I guess Logen or Gorst? I really love their material, but they both definitely belong in a landfill.

My ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: Can it be anyone but Crown Prince Orso? Dude’s the only one in this world who thinks “there’s a moral question” to rulership aloud to another and isn’t homophobic, racist, or sexist (looking at you, Leo). Even Calder’s got murdering Forley and Reachey in his dark deeds and Temple’s spent years helping Cosca, which... shudders.

My ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship: Monza/Shivers. It’s got some good material and I really hope they can make peace in The Wisdom of Crowds, but also *waves hands* everything else about them, honestly. God, they really did both suck to each other.

Also, Leo/Stour. It’s so wrong, yet so right. I don’t even know if it’d be hate-fucking if they got together at this point, but these two morrions deserve each other.

My ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship: Jurand/Glaward, Rikke/Orso, and Cas/Vick? They’re pretty cute and could easily give each other some happiness, I feel.

#the first law #the age of madness #the great leveller #joe abercrombie

[sandalaris]

LATE! but for the fandom asks: BtVS and Shadow and Bone? 💖💖💖

BtVS

my favorite female character: At the moment it’s probably Faith. Her journey and her approach to slaying has always been fun and interesting, but I’ve been thinking more about the things that lead her there lately. The bad choices she made and what could’ve gone differently with a nudge here or there.

my favorite male character: Xander Harris. I know he’s grown some hate over the years, but I love him dearly. He still one of my favorite characters of all time to this day.

my favorite book/season/etc: Season five is the best in my opinion. I’m not even sure why, but its just so good. Or maybe it’s just the last really good season of BtVS, because I feel like the show went down hill after that.

my favorite episode (if its a tv show): Hush is just an amazing episode. They do a lot with so little spoken dialogue, and the misdirect with Tara was just awesome.

my favorite cast member: Anthony Stewart Head, I always like him in whatever I see him in.

my favorite ship: I have my OTP, Spike/Xander, but at the moment my favorite ship is Angel/Willow. Every now and then I get back on them and need content, I’m just so damn picky about them and they’re on the rarer side ship-wise in the fandom that I hardly ever find anything I like. :(

a character I’d die defending: Xander! >:( He gets way more hate than he deserves and I am not here for it. I won’t got into a big defense now, many people have done a better job than me at it anyways, but the amount of blind hatred he gets is staggering.

a character I just can’t sympathize with: Warren. It’s not just that he killed Tara, but he entire storyline is basically just him being bitter and angry that life isn’t “fair.” I’d argue that he got way more than deserved from life to begin with.

a character I grew to love: Cordelia Chase. During my first watch through, I didn’t care for Cordelia until about season three. I loved her after that, and she was probably my favorite part of AtS. 

my anti otp I will call it notp until I die!: Spike and Buffy. I shipped them for a half a moment when I stumbled across a random season five episode before I ever started watching the show. Then I actually watched the show and just wasn’t into them at all. It’s not that I don’t see the appeal they could hold for others, but they hold absolutely no appeal to me and I really don’t like the subplot of Spike being in love with Buffy that happened in season five. 

Shadow and Bone, possible spoilers ahead! You’re getting multiple answers for almost all of these, btw :P

my favorite female character: 

In the Shadow and Bones trilogy it is my girl Genya. She had some amazing lines/moments and she put with so much all for the chance at a better life. And she was this subtle badass, fighting back in her own small ways, like the method she used to poison the king. I’m a little disappointed they didn’t show the Queen all fake and plastic looking in the show considering how Genya would purposely tailor her just a little off as revenge. I still like her in the show, but she hasn’t yet grabbed me the way she did in the books. I actually don’t think I have a favorite female character in the show at this point.

Nina and Inej mostly tied as my favorites in the Six of Crows books, but Nina made me laugh more which gives her just a little bit of an edge. She’s fun and flirty and doesn’t let anyone, even Kaz, keep her from being herself. She’s also a pretty good grifter, able to use her skills with languages and her ability to read people to get what she wants. 

I didn’t actually like Zoya all that much until later on in the series (a mistake on my part because Zoya is awesome), but King of Scars made her one of my favorite characters. Yes, she’s prickly and prone to jealous sniping when her position is threatened, but she’s also unapologetic in who she is and genuinely wants what is best for her country and people and will do whatever it takes to get it. She learned a hard lesson at a young age that being nice won’t protect her and has fought to keep herself and those she loves/are loyal to safe.

my favorite male character:

I’m not positive he fits the label of “favorite” but I certainly found the Darkling the most compelling male character in the books, and he’s pretty far up there in the show as well. I probably enjoy watching him on screen the most as well, although I feel like in the show Jesper was my actual favorite male character. He was certainly my favorite in Six of Crows books, and the show version of him captures book!Jesper perfectly. 

I wanna say that Nikolai is my favorite somewhere, because I love him so much (he’s funny and sarcastic, which I’m always a sucker for in a character), but I feel like he doesn’t quite count for reasons I can’t put my finger one.

my favorite book/season/etc

Out of all of the Grishaverse, Six of Crows is hands down my favorite. It’s a heist! With young morally-gray criminals who don’t all have this nice heart of gold under it all, who break into-and out of -an unbreakable prison while spouting off witty dialogue! 

There’s only been a single season in the show so far, but I’m excited to see more!

my favorite episode (if its a tv show)

Probably the episode two. There’s something about the way things were revealed and the subtle unfolding of many of the characters that I like. 

my favorite cast member: 

The only one’s who’s name I know is Ben Barnes and I only learned that when he was announced as the Darkling and Tumblr had a meltdown. *shrug* I mostly was like, “that’s the guy from The Punisher. He’s good at playing the villain, so yay.” 

my favorite ship

I don’t want him redeemed in the slightest, nor do I particularly want a happy ending for them, but I love the dynamic between Alina and the Darkling. That push/pull they have, how very alike they are even as they are very opposite, and how she just can’t shake her draw to him and him to her, although he doesn’t try as hard as she does. They have this connection, are insanely compatible, and part of this tragic appeal of them is that in another life they could’ve had that happy ending together. It’s beautiful and tragic, to see how you’ve broken something before you even had it. And there’s something so appealing for me in that, in how their feelings are this tangled mess that can’t be undone and the way they really are the only people who can fully understand the other and the bond that forges between them. 

On a lighter note, Nina/Matthias was my favorite ship in Six of Crows for a long time, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention how much I love Kaz/Inej.

a character I’d die defending

Zoya maybe? Or Matthias? 

a character I just can’t sympathize with

The apparat. I kept waiting to see if his motives were something I could relate with in the books. They weren’t. He’s just a creepy old man who wants Alina to die and become a martyr so he can lead the church in her name. 

a character I grew to love

Probably Zoya. She seemed to be such a stereotypical mean girl in the first book, there only to make things hard on the main character, and I fell for it. She really is so much more than that.

my anti otp

I will accept the term anti-otp just this once because I don’t really have a notp for the show or books. The closest I have is Alina/Mal in the books. In the show I can actually see it and will probably aw over them when they get together, but in the books? He doesn’t seem to care of Alina at all, even as a friend for most of the first book, and gets downright petty and bitter when she’s revealed to be the Sun Summoner. But I can see their friendship in the show, on both sides, and that’s gone a long way for me. It’ll probably never be a ship I love, but I think I’ll probably grow to like it well enough.

[lesbianmaxevans]

Hacy Week 2021 ➤ Day 5: Favorite Domestic Moment

[Image Description: Seven stacked gifs from Charmed.

First: Harry holds a bouquet in one hand and a bag of flour in the other. The text reads, “Harry, I said I needed flour, not- / Flour and flower.” Second: Harry smiles as he puts the bouquet and the bag of flour on the counter. The text reads, “Someone’s enjoying having their powers back. / Well, truth be told, I found life quite a bit nicer without them.” Third: Harry smiles as he says, “Getting to hold you. Kiss you. Just being close enough to feel your breath. I’d trade all the orbing in the world to have that again.” Macy smiles uneasily. Fourth: Macy says, “From the day we met, you have always been there for me. But when you were suddenly mortal... I- I had like, a flash, a glimpse of a world without you in it. I was scared, Harry.“ Fifth: Macy tries to cover up her concern and the text reads, “I know it’s stupid, but- / No, it’s not. I live with those same nagging thoughts, that one day you’ll be gone, and I’ll linger on, ageless and full of grief. That is, until last night.” Sixth: Macy smiles at Harry. The text reads, “One thing at a time, okay? / One thing at a time.” Seventh: Macy prepares to put cupcakes in the oven and Harry says, “Namely those bloody cupcakes. How long are you gonna keep me waiting? I know I’m immortal, but I can still starve to death, you know.”]

#Charmed #charmededit #charmed cw #Macy Vaughn #Harry Greenwood #hacy #OTP: I love you as fully as I know how. with every bone in my body. #hacyweek2021 #filmtv #bbelcher #chewieblog #cinemapix #usersource #tvcentric #charactersofcolordaily #wonderfulwoc #cwladiesdaily #dailytvfilmgifs #tvgifs #Rachel's edit tag #🥺🥺🥺🥺 they

[eilonwiiy]

To Love Without Consequence

Summary: “She wanted to take all his pain away. To tell him that Baldair knew that he was sorry and sorry for his own grievances in return. She had spent enough time with the golden prince to learn the design of his heart, had heard him voice his own regrets regarding his broken relationship with his brother to know his sorrow to be true.”

A post-Crystal Crowned fic for the OTP in honor of Air Awakens August!  Enjoy!

Author’s note: Aldrik and Baldair deserved to have a loving and healthy relationship and this is the hill I will die on. 

Ships: Vhalla Yarl/Aldrik Solaris

Tags: post-book 5, angst, grief, loss, comfort, sibling relationships, pregnancy, fluff

Read on AO3: here

*   .   *   .   *   .   *   .

She was cold.  That was the first thing Vhalla noticed when her eyes fluttered open.  She was also alone.

Vhalla sat up in bed, the fur blankets she’d wrapped herself up in the night before slipping off her.  She dragged a sleepy hand across her face, brushing the mess of hair out of her eyes.  A chill nipped through the sheer fabric of her nightgown and it was only then that she was able to fully appreciate just how extraordinarily cold it was in their bed chamber.  She glanced at the empty space next to her that should have been occupied by her husband.  He certainly wasn’t responsible for this brutal winter ravaging the Solaris Empire, but by the Mother the least he could do was not rob Vhalla of his internal flame by abandoning the comforts of their bed.

Stifling a yawn, Vhalla reluctantly swept her legs out from under the protective layer of blankets and bare feet met the ice cold marble dais.  She tugged the blanket off the bed, opting for its lavish fur rather than the robe she knew hung in the washroom, wrapped it around her shoulders, and quickly hopped down to the floor.  She crossed the room on tiptoe, wind at her heels, barely making a sound.  The door to the sitting room stood open and Vhalla passed silently through it.

She stopped.

The source of her shivering was clear now.  Past the elaborate cushioned sitting area and Carcivi table, the tall glass doors leading to their grand terrace stood wide open.  The velvet curtains on either side of the archway swelled in the air as though breathing.  Goose pimples rose on Vhalla’s skin, though not from the bitter wind.  There, at the edge of the balcony, stood Aldrik, spine rigid and hands clasped tight behind his back, his long gold trimmed white robe billowing at his feet.

For a moment, Vhalla resisted the urge to rush to his side - instead, choosing to steal the opportunity to simply observe her love.  Such a rarity it was for him not to be surrounded by attendants or guards or politicians.  She rested her head against the doorframe and snuggled deeper into her furs, watching.  

Flurries of snow spiraled at Aldrik’s feet, scattering higher into the air with every gust of wind.  He stood impossibly still, his black hair the only part of him alive, dancing wildly in the air whipping around him.  He resembled one of the sculpted marble statues in the Imperial Gardens, his alabaster skin and all-white attire stark against the gray skies and snow capped mountains in the distance standing as a bleak backdrop to his stunning figure.  

A smile crept on Vhalla’s lips.  She could imagine his face: the crooked slope of his nose, chin held proud in the face of unforgiving cold, his dark eyes staring unblinkingly into the vastness beyond.  Always so stoic.  So unreadable to everyone he crossed paths with.  Everyone but her.  She wondered what had possessed him to stand outside on the balcony in the bitter cold.  It was true, the chill didn’t penetrate him like it did others, but she knew there was very little in this world that would drag Aldrik from their bed and away from her side.  

At the thought, something clicked into place.  A sudden realization that made her heart stutter, a cold that crawled under her skin and chilled her to the bone.  And just like that, she’d had enough of spying.  

Fool, she chided herself.  How selfish she had been.  Aldrik needed her.

The fur blanket dragged behind her like an overgrown cape as she quietly made her way over to the balcony, still balancing lightly on the tips of her toes.  She paused by the Carcivi board sitting on the table closest to the opulent glass doors before stepping outside.  Her fingers dusted over the gleaming tiles.  It was a beautiful set, and made even more precious by the man it had once belonged to.  Vaguely, she noted that a piece was out of place, though, they had not played in quite some time.

Aldrik didn’t hear Vhalla as she approached him.  She cared little for her feet, which at first stung from the cold, then grew numb when she stepped out onto the wet balcony.  She’d endured worse for the sake of her Emperor and her love, and she would do so again and again and again if it meant wrapping her arms around him as she did so now.

Aldrik stiffened at the abrupt touch, though immediately relaxed as Vhalla’s arms wound through his arms and wrapped around his waist from behind.  She nuzzled his back, relishing the heat radiating off him, and she slid her hands up his chest until they found the familiar thrum of his heart.  His hands came to rest atop hers, wet from the ice winds, but pulsing with warmth.  He brought them to his lips and kissed them softly.

“You’re going to catch sick, my love,” he murmured into her frozen knuckles, pressing his lips to each one with reverence.  Genuine concern laced his tone.  

Vhalla closed her eyes and smiled against his back.  “Impossible with you in my arms.”

“You are the one who should be in my arms,” Aldrik countered, though he didn’t move.  Vhalla suspected he rather liked being held by her.  She was happy to oblige.  

“First snowfall of the year, is it not?”  

Aldrik’s lips paused on her hand.  “I believe it is.”

“About time too,” she added.  “I was beginning to think the world would freeze over with how low the temperature was dropping.”

Aldrik hummed in agreement and began kneading warmth back into Vhalla’s hands.    

“Perhaps we should take a walk today,” she ventured.

Aldrik bristled underneath her.  “In the snow?  In your condition?  I think not.”

“If by my ‘condition’ you mean carrying our child, then I am most certain I have some time yet before walking is out of the question.  Please allow me a semblance of my dignity before that moment comes, I beg you.”  

“We can never be too careful,” Aldrik said crossly.

“I respectfully disagree.”  Vhalla huffed a laugh, an icy puff of air bursting from her lips.  “‘We can never be too careful’.  Honestly, Aldrik!  I haven’t even begun to show!”

“Is that so?”  Aldrik slowly turned to face Vhalla.  His hands let go of hers and fell to her waist.  He pulled her to him, body molding to his.  Vhalla braced her hands on his chest and slowly, eyelashes fluttering, lifted her gaze to his.  

A shiver ran up her spine that had nothing to do with the cold.  This close she could trace the water rivlets carving his face, count every thread of shaggy wet hair that clung to his forehead.  Despite the ice slicing across her vision, his heated gaze was enough to keep her warm, now and for several winters after if he so wished.

The corner of Aldrik’s mouth curved upwards and Vhalla felt more than heard the soft rumble of a chuckle roll through his chest.  “Will you ever not be so naive, my parrot?”

Vhalla wrinkled her nose at Aldrik’s oldest - and most annoying - pet name for her, but his hands crept up her spine and held her unyielding against him.

“You say you’re not showing, and yet,” he purred, hand coming to cradle her neck, his fingers brushing the barest of touches to the corner of her eye, “I see it here when our eyes meet across the dais.”  He brought his lips to the place where his fingers touched.  “And here whenever one of those sycophantic senators harass you about producing an heir.”  He gently turned her face with the back of his hand and pressed a kiss to her cheek.  Then slowly - much, much too slowly - he tipped her chin up and brought his mouth to hers.  He hovered a breath away from her.  “And here whenever I tell you how incandescently happy I am.”

Aldrik claimed the smile that spread across Vhalla’s lips, kissing her.  Distantly, she felt the blanket fall from her shoulders as she slipped her arms around his neck, but she didn’t care.  The hand at her chin swept into her hair, and she felt the firm press against her back guiding her closer to him as he deepened the kiss.  Every languid brush of his silken soft lips fanned the ember of desire that simmered between them, and like air to a flame, Aldrik’s vigor was quick to blaze.  Vhalla could scarcely breathe.  The kiss was turning into more than just a kiss.  

As much as she longed to lose herself to his touch, Vhalla forced herself to pull back, but not without placing one last tender kiss to him.  Her lips tingled with the absence of him and, almost immediately, she ached for him.

Aldrik dropped his forehead against hers, visibly swallowing his want, and his eyes shuddered shut as though he were trying to regain some semblance of control.  Vhalla could feel his heart racing against her chest, and if that wasn’t enough to tell her that he was nearly undone, then the familiar hardness prodding against her swollen belly was.  She had half a mind to drag him back inside and get him out of his soaking wet clothes and finish what he’d started.  But there was something she needed to take care of first.

She waited until his breathing had slowed and his eyes cracked open to look into hers.  It was as she expected.  There wasn’t just want smoldering in them.  Through the haze of lust and adoration she knew was reflected in her own eyes, she saw it.  Desperation .

Slowly, Vhalla loosened her hold around his neck and let her hands slide down to his chest.  Aldrik seemed to understand what she was saying by the subtle shift and pulled away just enough to let her see him fully.  She smiled sympathetically at him, seeing that he was fighting the urge to look away.  Whatever darkness he’d woken up to was lingering, tormenting him in front of her very eyes.  It broke her heart every time she saw him in such pain.  Some days she didn’t understand it - what could possess his heart and steal his mind away from himself.  At times it was an exhausting burden to bear, but it was their burden to bear together, she’d tell him.  His love was his to share as was his pain.  She would have him wholly or not at all.  

“It’s ok to miss him,” she finally murmured.  A whisper carried by the wind.  “He was your brother.”

Aldrik’s head jerked as though he couldn’t bear to hear it, sending little water droplets scattering.  He released a strained breath like her words had stolen the very air he breathed.  Vhalla’s hand lifted to his cheek; just as she commanded that winds, she would guide this storm to clearer skies.  She let him breath, let him soak up her touch, the seconds turning into minutes, until eventually he was able to speak.

“It’s been a year,” Aldrik said, his voice a hoarse whisper.  Vhalla nodded; her thumb gently smoothed away the tears mixed with ice.  He swallowed hard, needing another moment to compose himself.  These moments always required patience.  Vhalla gave it to him.  

“Our relationship was… complicated.  After everything with Egmun and Victor and the crystal caverns, I pushed him away.  With words, with hate.  My brother did the only thing he could do.  Push back.”  Aldrik shook his head regretfully.  “I don’t blame him.  What else was he to do?  I was a venom that poisoned even the purest of hearts.  All he could do was suck it out and spit it back in my face.  We were never the same...”  Aldrik’s eyes hesitantly rose to meet Vhalla’s.  “Until you.”  

“You blew into my life.  Both our lives.  And somehow you - the wondrous, infuriating woman that you are - changed everything.  Shifted the winds in our favor.  It seemed as though someday perhaps things could be different.  That perhaps we could be the brothers we used to be… The brothers we were always meant to be.  Fool that I was, I had hope.”

Aldrik’s black eyes hardened, offering a startling glimpse of the silver-tongued prince that still lay buried in the darkest recesses of himself.  When he spoke, his voice was colder than the winds that sliced the air.  “Baldair is gone.  And I’ll never get to tell him how sorry I am.”  

“Aldrik…” Vhalla tried to say, for tears were already sliding down her cheeks.  She wanted to take all his pain away.  To tell him that Baldair knew that he was sorry and sorry for his own grievances in return.  She had spent enough time with the golden prince to learn the design of his heart, had heard him voice his own regrets regarding his broken relationship with his brother to know his sorrow to be true.  But Aldrik’s hands suddenly went to Vhalla’s stomach, startling her into silence.  

“When I think of our child,” he choked out, his face contorting in anguish, “and the day we’ll have to give her up, I know it will be a near impossible thing to do to face such insurmountable pain.  Without you, I’d never be able to let go.  And yet, I can’t help but feel grateful that at least she won’t be lost to me forever.  I’ll have another chance to be the man I should have been for my brother.  One who loves without consequence.”

Vhalla stared into his eyes at a loss for words, her heart racing.  The wind howled in her ears, calling to her, urging her to jump.  Without thinking, she threw herself against him and captured his lips with her’s.  He was unmoving against her for a heartbeat, then his whole body came alive and he embraced her with an urgency they had not shared in quite some time.  

The wind picked up with each seering sweep of their lips, big gusts of ice that grew with the mounting heat between them.  The snow circled around them in a frenzied dance, encasing them in a protective embrace of white light.  Vhalla was falling into him, deeper and deeper, the heat of his body against her making her melt and arch against him.  Her chest swelled to the point of pain to meet his fervor.  All her thoughts shattered, consumed with only one word.  Aldrik, Aldrik, Aldrik.

Then, abruptly, he tore his lips away from her, a gruff sound coming from his throat as though doing so pained him.  His breathing was harsh, uneven, his eyes swimming with admiration.  He opened his mouth to speak, but Vhalla beat him to the words she knew by heart, for they were written there too.

“I love you,” she whispered, her voice full of emotion.  And then, bringing her hands to brace themselves on either side of Aldrik’s face, she locked eyes with him.  “And Baldair loved you.”

Tears ran down Aldrik’s face and he cradled Vhalla’s face like she was the only thing keeping him tethered to this world.  “And I love you, my lady and my love… My Vhalla.  My wife and mother to our child.  I never dreamed-”

Vhalla covered his mouth with hers before he could finish.  Because this wasn’t a dream.  This was real.  There were shadows in Aldrik’s mind that - Vhalla knew - may never find the light.  But when she’d given him his heart, she’d made a vow to walk with him into the darkness wherever it may take them.  She was his and he was hers, now and in the next life, and she would never let him go.

A soft moan escaped her throat and Aldrik reared back with a sharp intake of breath.  He looked from Vhalla’s stomach to her face, frown taut with concern.

“Are you alright?”

Vhalla laughed at that, which only prompted Aldrik’s frown to deepen.  She stood on her tippy-toes and pressed a chaste kiss to his mouth.  

“Come back to bed,” she murmured into his lips.  Her fingers curled around the loose collar of his nightshirt and she gently pulled him with her as she began to walk them backwards towards their chambers.  Aldrik’s feet stubbornly refused to comply, at odds with his lips which continued to draw every last breath from hers.  It was a clumsy dance, but one they had perfected since the early days of their blossoming love.  

“Are you sure-?” Aldrik tried after breaking away from a particularly dizzying kiss that made Vhalla wonder if they truly needed to make it all the way to the bedroom.  The couch was right there after all.    

“Yes,” she breathed, gripping his tunic in desperation.  Aldrik’s hooded eyes dropped longingly to her lips so tantalizingly close to his.  

“Please,” she said with a gentleness that brought his gaze back to her, “let me take care of you.”

A soft blush blossomed on Aldrik’s cheeks, the sight of which made Vhalla determined to get them all the way to the bedroom.  She stepped back from him and took his hand in hers.  She walked backwards towards the bedroom, leading him, unable to take her eyes off him.  But as they crossed the threshold, Aldrik surprised her by tugging her to him.  Her heart fluttered against his chest as his arms wrapped around her and he buried his face in the crook of her shoulder.

“Thank you,” he murmured, his breath hot on her neck.  Vhalla threaded her fingers through his hair, caressing languidly in a silent, appreciative gesture that told him she understood.  She wasn’t sure how long they held each other, but eventually, from over his shoulder she watched the sun peak over the frosty mountains and reign its light upon the land.  Her eyes shimmered with happy tears, filled with the feeling that, in that moment, she beheld the golden prince.  

Yes, she thought with a contented smile, she would insist on a walk in the snow today - if only to walk in his radiance once more.  

#air awakens #air awakens series #vhaldrik #vhalla/aldrik #vhalla yarl #aldrik solaris #baldair solaris #elise kova #my fics #mine

[fan-writer02]

Howdy folks. So, I watched Rogue One the other day and sorta fell in love (aight I’m going to be honest, I’m pretty sure it is now one of my favorite Star Wars films of all time) and honestly, Jyn and Cassian are my new otp. So, naturally, I had to do the one thing the Rogue One fandom knows how to do best. Make an alternate ending. c: Enjoy.     (Also if you wanna go check it out over on Ao3 I’d greatly appreciate it thx <3) (Oh, and let me know if you want more ;))

Find hope where hope is not found

               Jyn stumbled back, trying to ignore the pulsing in her leg so she could stand up straight. Her blaster was long gone, leaving her defenseless. But if she had to fight Krennic with her bare hands she would. So she pulled her shoulders back and leaned forward, even as her heart fought to break free from her chest. For she was staring down the barrel of a blaster.

               The shot came, but the pain did not. She glanced down in confusion, wondering if the shot had sent her into shock. She had been told that could happen, where you don’t feel the initial pain until the adrenaline wears off. But no, there was no blaster wound. No blood. Nothing.

               She looked back up again, watching in shock as Krennic crumpled, a smoking hole in his shoulder. Her gaze went past him, and her heart finally stopped pounding against her rib cage. Now, it sunk to her stomach.

               Cassian was leaning against a beam, back heaving and eyes focused on her, as if he didn’t even see the man he’d just shot. In those short moments that their gaze held, she took him all in. Although, due to his body being half hidden by the pole he leaned against, she couldn’t tell where he was injured. But clearly, he was. Wavering, he looked like he was barely hanging on to consciousness. He still had his arms extended, his hands tightly fisting his blaster.

               She stumbled forward and half crashed half leaned against the control panels. Much to her relief, the files had loaded. They’d been successfully transferred. The relief that filled her was exhausting. A sort of sad bubbly feeling. They’d done it. They’d succeeded.

               She only prayed someone had been listening.

               She looked up at Cassian and flashed a smile. His blaster was still aimed at the unconscious Krennic, but his eyes were on her. He matched her smile with his own, albeit weak and laced with pain. He wheezed and slowly began lowering his arms, just before the blaster clattered onto the grate floor. She stumbled towards him and ducked under his arm before he could completely collapse.

               His breathing was ragged, she could feel it on her cheek. Still, she couldn’t find her voice, and it seemed he couldn’t either, for all he did was wrap an arm around her waist while his other grappled for her arm, which he gripped tightly. She looked towards Krennic, and moved to pick up Cassian’s blaster, fully prepared to finish the job. But Cassian stopped her, using his body weight to keep her from moving.

               “Leave it, Jyn, leave it.” He mumbled, his accent thick. She fell back, allowing Cassian to press his face against her hair, letting his choppy breathing calm her. He was right. There were other things to worry about.

               Like getting off this planet.

               She took one last look at Krennic, before turning and pulling Cassian’s arm over her shoulder. Together, they made their way towards the elevator, shuffling as an awkward three legged creature. With every step Cassian became more and more dead weight.. Both his legs were uncooperative, dragging them both down, and he had his left arm wrapped tightly around his chest. But the only signs of his discomfort was his breathing.

               “Do you think-“ He wheezed, and she craned her neck to look into his face. She was surprised to see he was already looking at her, a small smile teasing his lips. “Do… do you think anyone was listening?”

               She focused on placing one foot in front of the other, but she didn’t have to think twice before answering. She broke eye contact to look up at the cloudy sky above them, littered with a few scattered Imperial aircraft, but mostly smoke. “Yes. I do.” She had little energy to say any more, so she only shifted him, her heart skipping a beat at his shaky inhale. She pulled them into the elevator and helped Cassian to lean against the wall so she could focus on punching at the keypad, placing their destination for ground level.

               “Jyn.” Cassian muttered. At this point his accent was so thick, she could hardly make out what he was saying. She finished typing, and the door slammed shut. She turned and went to his side to grab his arm, supporting him. He murmured her name again incoherently, his eyes barely open.

               “Cassian, stay with me.” She said, too desperate to care that her voice quivered. She was done with being strong. Done with being careful and guarded. Her shield was down, but she did not care. Because for all she knew, Cassian could be dying.

               She moved closer, until their chest’s were almost touching. Cassian’s head was resting against the glowing wall of the elevator, his tired gaze resting on her, and she couldn’t help but lean forward. She lifted a hand and set it on his shoulder, trying to tell him what she wanted to say. She opened her mouth to actually voice her thoughts, to tell him “I’m so sorry for dragging you into this I’m so sorry I’m so sorry I’m sorry about K2 I’m sorry we’re going to die I’m sorry-” but nothing came out. She shut her mouth again, feeling absolutely and utterly helpless.

               He surprised her by lifting his hand and grabbing the edge of her shirt, just above her collar bone. His look deepened, and for a moment, Jyn felt the world around them disappear. Like they weren’t in a shaking elevator, in a building on an island threatening to explode. Like their friend hadn’t just died. And for a minute, everything was okay.

               But the spell was broken when the elevator shook, nearly spilling them both onto the floor. She pushed away from the wall towards the panel, huffing a sigh of relief when the screen glared back at her “Ground 0”.

               She spun around and grabbed Cassian, trying to be somewhat gentle by pulling him against her. His side bumped against hers, and for the first time he let out a pained moan. She murmured a small, “Sorry.” but there wasn’t time to be careful. The doors opened, and the world outside only confirmed what she feared.

               The entire island was falling to hell.

               Ships were raining from the sky, along with bits of debris, and consequently, balls of flame comprised of broken parts from both the building towering above them, and the crashing ships. She pulled Cassian out of the elevator and across the sand, while he tried his best to help her. But he couldn’t seem to get his legs beneath him, which worried her more than she could say. But still, he didn’t complain, only pushed on in desperate attempts to match her sloppy steps.

               The wind picked up, grabbing at her shirt and hair. Sand began to swirl about them, getting into her clothes and her eyes making it almost impossible to see. She squinted, and swiveled, trying to find a means of escape. But when she turned, she stumbled, and for a moment forgot to breathe..

               On the horizon rose a plume of flame and smoke. A giant mushroom cloud, like the storms she’d seen back home, on the farm with her father and mother. One’s that flashed lightning and thunder. But this… this was clearly not a rain cloud.

               There’s something about staring death in the face that makes you lose all hope. Jyn fought back a cry as her knees went out, and both her and Cassian fell into the sand. He leaned against his hand, his other still holding his stomach, but he was looking up at the smoke.

               At their death.

               He fell back, twisting his body so he could see her better. She refused to meet his gaze, for she knew what she’d find there. It wasn’t like him to just… just sit there and do nothing. Unless he was giving up. And she wasn’t quite ready for that. Not yet.

               She wanted to live. So badly. More than that, she wanted him to live, too. She wanted them to live.

               She looked behind them, trying desperately to find anything that might look like a means of escape. A ship, a fleeing aircraft… anything. But all she could see through the flying sand was smoke and devastation.

               A hand grabbed hers, and she jerked her head to look at him. Cassian smiled wearily, and started to say something before turning away and coughing into his shirt sleeve. When he lifted his head, she was horrified to see the blood stain he left behind.

               “Your… your father…” he paused and swallowed. His hand squeezed hers, and he smiled again. “Your father would be proud of you, Jyn.”

               In that moment, Jyn had never felt such a strong desire to cry. And she never cried. She could count on one hand the amount of times she’d cried in the past five years of her life. But now, here, with death looming just a few miles away, and Cassian dying, she wanted to cry and scream at the world for being so cruelly unfair.

               She met his smile with one of her own, although it was tear filled. Because heck it all, she couldn’t find it in herself to care. Death, at this point, was inevitable. So she let the tears fall.

               Cassian leaned forward, and his head met her shoulder. She moved closer to him, finding the strength to kneel up and pull him into her arms. His hands rose to press weakly against her back, another on her neck, and his nose tucked just under her ear.

               She could hear him breathing, and she tried to focus on that. The wind was picking up now, hot and dry. She knew it wouldn’t be long. Who knew this would be how she would die? On the beach of an imploding planet?

               She clung to him tighter, and honed in on his breathing. In and out, in and out. It was choppy, but steady. She let it drown out the noise around them. The sound of death.

               The wind picked up suddenly, and she knew. This was it. The sand was clawing at her face now, and she screwed her eyes shut. She prayed death would be quick about it. Not just for her sake, but for Cassian’s. He was shaking in her arms, his grip growing weaker. He was in pain, and if death was going to come, then she wished it would do it quickly.

               She gave up, and prepared to let the sand swallow her.

               But a hand suddenly gripped her jacket, none too kindly, and jerked her to her feet. She spiraled and sprawled on what she thought would be sand, but to her amazement, was actually metal. Metal that hummed beneath her with life and the promise of a roaring engine.

               She opened her eyes to see a figure dragging Cassian up the piece of metal which she realized was, in fact, a gangplank to a ship. She scrambled to her feet and crawled up inside the ship, not caring if it was Imperial or Rebel.

               We’re going to live. She thought fanatically. The idea was enough to make her giddy.

               The door slammed closed, and only then did she gather her wits. The man holding Cassian let him drop to the ground before rushing towards a door, not pausing to say anything before practically leaping into the cockpit, the sound of switches clicking and gears whirring the only things she could make out. After a quick assessment, she saw that she and Cassian were alone, with only the pilot as their companion.

               Cassian.

               She turned and crawled over to his side before helping him to sit up more comfortably. She thought about leaning him against the wall of the ship, but it was bent at an awkward level, and with how his ribs and who knew what else being messed up, she figured something softer would be better.

               So she positioned herself behind him, and slowly laid him to rest in her lap, with his back and head propped against her chest and shoulder. His head flopped, and his nose tickled her neck. Although having him unconscious worried her, she also counted it as a small mercy. At least he was blissfully unaware of any pain.

               She looked up when a curse was muttered from the cockpit. The ship shook, and she braced a hand against the wall.

               “Hello!?” She called, her voice a mere rasp. She swallowed and wet her lips before trying again. “What’s happening?”

               “Jyn! Hang tight, we’re breaking atmospheric pressure.”                

               Jyn fell back with relief, a small laugh choking her. Bodhi. It was Bodhi, he’d found them.

               “You have no idea how happy I am to hear your voice.” She called, not sure if he could hear her or not. When she didn’t get a reply, she remained silent, figuring he could concentrate better without her distracting him.

               Instead, she looked down at Cassian, and brought her hand away from the ship’s wall to push back his hair. It was filled with sand, but worse than that, his forehead was layered with sweat. She let her hand rest there, worrying when she realized how warm he was. The blood on his sleeve caught her eye, and she wondered what interior damage he’d sustained to cause him to cough blood. She struggled to remember her basic lessons as a child. Gerrera hadn’t cared much for her schooling, so whatever knowledge she had was from experience or what her mother had told her.

               Coughing up blood. The lungs. A punctured lung? What do you do for a punctured lung? She looked down again, focusing on Cassian’s chest. Each breath was irregular and wheezy, his chest shaking with each rise and fall. His chest was definitely messed up.

               The ship careened, forcing Jyn and Cassian against the wall. Cassian’s weight pressed her already injured leg against the ship, and she bit on her lip to keep from screaming. The adrenaline was slowing wearing off, and with it came pain.

               The ship jerked and visibly dropped, leaving her stomach behind. “Bodhi?” She cried.

               “We’re out! We’re out!” He whooped, accompanied by more clicking and beeps from the ship's controls. She heard his quick steps, then he appeared in the cockpit’s doorway. “We’re safe, guys.” He breathed, a wide grin splitting his face. “Well, for now anyhow.” He moved towards them, pausing to search through some supplies in an overhead bin.

               She noticed he favored his right leg, but other than a few minor cuts and bruises, he looked to have escaped mostly unscathed. For the utmost time that day, she felt a wave of relief wash over her. At least one of them had escaped without any fatal injuries.

               Speaking of which.

               She pulled Cassian a little bit closer. “Is there a med kit on board?” The thought only then occurred to her that they were on a strange ship, not the one they’d come to the island on. An Imperial ship? If she was more aware, she might be able to figure it out. But her mind was so muddled, she couldn’t find it in herself to care. It was a ship, and it had gotten them off of Scarif, and that was enough for her.

               Bodhi pulled out a metal box from the bin, not bothering to shut it before making his way to the spot where Jyn and Cassian lay. He crouched beside them and opened the box, pulling out different medical equipment and passing them to Jyn, who only stared at them. She had no clue what she was doing. She’d been hurt in the past, but she’d merely slapped a bacta patch on it and called it good. There was only so much a small bacta patch could do for internal damage, especially something so bad it caused Cassian to cough blood.

               “What do I do?” She asked, picking up a cylinder. She pulled off the plastic covering, and realized it was a needle.

               Bodhi was busy peeling off bacta patches, but gestured towards his arm. “Just stick it in his arm. It’s an injection and should help wake him up and ward off some of the pain.”

               She didn’t hesitate to jab it into Cassian’s skin, right through the cloth of his shirt. Once all the clear liquid inside the needle was gone, she pulled it out and tossed it aside, before looking back up at Bodhi for further instructions.

               “Where’s he the most hurt?” Bodhi asked, a quiver finding its way into his voice. He looked up, and she realized he was just as nervous as she was, although there was a hardness behind his eyes. She trusted him.

               “I-I’m not sure. He fell in the tower, hit his back and chest. He couldn’t walk and he was coughing up blood-” She looked down at his sleeve.

               “Oh.” Bodhi whispered, following her gaze. His hands were shaking. “Oh.”

               “What do we do? I think he has a punctured lung.”

               “T-take his shirt off.”

               Jyn hastily unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it away, revealing his chest. She swallowed thickly at the sight of multiple bruises and deep discolouration along his entire rib cage. And that wasn’t the most concerning part. Because she could see the bumps beneath the skin, no doubt hiding broken ribs.

               Bodhi began pressing bacta patches on the worst of the bruising, before leaning back on his heels and pressing his palms against his knees. He exhaled deeply. “Anything else?”

               Jyn carefully leaned Cassian forward, wincing when his head flopped forward. But she wanted to check his back, because she had no doubt that falling on a metal beam had to have some effect on his spine. At that thought, it dawned on her that that could be the reason why he’d been unable to walk. Perhaps his spine had sustained some damage…

               She pulled up his shirt, and sucked in a sharp inhale. His lower back was nothing but one massive bruise, and along his spine was red and swollen. Bodhi leaned forward and hissed at the sight, his tongue clicking anxiously.

               “Oh no. Oh no oh no, that’s…” Bodhi paused and caught himself before he could say any more.

               “Bacta. Quick.” Jyn barked, and both she and Bodhi wasted no time in pressing the patches against the worst of Cassian’s spine. Once done, she peeled off her jacket with some difficulty, seeing as how Cassian was still half laying in her arms. Once done she spread it on the ground, and Bodhi went to get a blanket to spread over top of it. Between the two of them, they managed to lay Cassian on the makeshift bed. It wasn’t great, and she had a feeling that with the state of his back, he should not be lying on a hard surface, but it was the best they could do.

               Bodhi stuttered that he was going back to check on their stats, before disappearing into the cockpit, leaving her alone. She adjusted herself until she was leaning against the wall, next to Cassian's head. She studied him, trying to calm down and finding it very difficult to do so. Her mind kept drifting to the fact that they had almost died. They’d been so close to death. She practically touched it.

               Her mind drifted to Kay. She hadn’t been half as close to the droid as Cassian had been, but still, he’d been a friend. One of the few she’d ever had. And he’d sacrificed himself for them- for her father’s cause.

               And what had happened to Chirrut and Baze, Jyn had no idea. If they’d survived the battle, there was a slim chance they’d made it off the island before it exploded. And she’d been so absorbed in Cassian she hadn’t thought to ask Bodhi. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to know. For now, she’d rather have the small sliver of hope in the fact that they might be alive.

               She looked back down at Cassian and dwelled on that for a minute. Hope. Something Cassian practically lived for. She closed her eyes and smiled, regardless of their current situation. To some it might seem pretty hopeless, with Cassian practically lying on his deathbed and Bodhi trying to find a way to get an Imperial ship to a Rebel base. But the plans had made it out, they were alive (albeit barely) and as long as they had that, Jyn figured there was still plenty of hope.

#rogue one #rogue one spoilers #rogue one a star wars story #rebelcaptain #rogue one fic #rogue one fanfiction #cassian andor #jyn erso #jyn and cassian #star wars #star wars fanfiction #rebelcaptain fic #rebelcaptain drabble #mywriting

[thetvmoviefan]

Nabrina FanFics Part 8

Sabrina Spellman & Nicholas Scratch (Nick Scratch) FanFics MASTERLIST

Updated: March 5, 2020 (3/05/2020)

AND so guys we’re back to another hiatus this time we’re waiting for the last part of the season Part 4. How did everyone feel about Part 3, it was definitely A LOT. But every OTP there’s bound to be angst and journey, it only makes them stronger in the end. Anyways, while the show just officially finished Part 4 Filming (2/22/20) we’re all anxiously waiting for renewal and the announcement of when Part 4 will air. Here’s a newly updated list of Current and NEW Nabrina FanFics for anyone waiting for our POWER couple to comeback.

As Always have a Wicked or Hell-ish time with these fics and ENJOY!!!!

Fics in order by Last Update: 3/05/2020

[Key: AU=Alternate Reality - AH=All Human/All Mortal - * = New Fics to List]

1. “If You Let Me”*

Author: bunivy aka @bunivys​

Summary: After pouring all of her time and effort into obtaining a law degree in the city, Sabrina Spellman moves back to Greendale for one last summer before she departs for good. She's fully intent on enjoying her stay in her hometown, even deciding to pick up a part-time job at her Aunt Hilda's cafe to save up some money. The only problem is that the boy in the bookstore across the way is one she's had some not-so-good history with and it's becoming increasingly harder to ignore him. Before long, she finds herself exploring the complexities of old high-school grudges and what-ifs, all while trying to sort out her present-day relationship with the boy she has long since deemed as non-existent.Meanwhile, Nicholas Scratch wonders if it would just be easier to remain non-existent. AU/AH - Rated Mature - Chapters 7/? - Last Update 3/04/2020

2. “When the Bones Are Good”*

Author: sarahkwut

Summary: Sabrina Spellman is enjoying her life as a normal teenager. Sabrina Morningstar is reigning Hell with an iron fist. Ambrose Spellman is searching for a solution to bring them back together and close the time loop, Sabrina's wishes be damned. And Nicholas Scratch? He's faced down his own demons and he's desperate for redemption.Except the clock is ticking.On time and Terrors. (Part 4 Fic) - Rated General - Chapters 1/? - Last Update 3/02/2020

3. “I knew you were trouble”

Author: Miss_Kath90 aka @misskath90​

Summary: Sabrina didn’t know that being away from home for the first time could be so hard.Away from her aunts, friends and her-lifelong-boyfriend, Sabrina have to deal with the nostalgia but also with the new challenges College's life mean: get used to share a room with a not-so-nice roommate, put up with long hours of study and very few of sleep, learn to live from pre-cooked meals instead of her aunt Hilda’s homemade ones, find balance between her studies and her new social life… And resist the temptation a certain Nicholas Scratch mean for her. AU/AH - Rated Mature - Chapters 14/? - Last Update 2/22/2020

4. “I Need to Know”*

Author: raeinthedark

Summary: Love isn't that easy to erase... and that song is on again. Rated General - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 2/29/2020

5. “Cruel Summer”*

Author: thoughtsaboutshows @thoughtsaboutshows​

Summary: A mix between AU and Cannon, where the young members of the Church of Night also attend Baxter High. The young witches and warlocks then go to the Unseen Arts Summer Camp to bolster their gifts. However Sabrina, being half mortal, only began attending after her Dark Baptism. To the mortals of Greendale, Unseen Arts Camp was for the wealthy. An elite sector of the Baxter High youth that attended a camp deep in the Greendale Wood far upstream of Sweetwater River. Many had tried to find and break in, but none have succeeded. To the mortals, the divide between the camp attendees and the not was of money and status. When in fact, the difference lay with light vs. night.Set between two timelines- the present and the summer, Sabrina attends camp for the first time and grows closer to Nick only for them to be torn apart as school starts. Rated Mature - Chapters 4/? - Last Update 2/27/2020

6. “The Institute for Divine Craft”

Author: rayo aka @its-nabrina-bitch​

Summary: After a humiliating spat with Father Blackwood pushes Sabrina away from her witching life and the Academy, Madam Satan crafts an alternative solution to move Sabrina Spellman further down the path of night. Ultimately leading her to the Institute for the Divine Craft. A handsome Headmaster with mysterious ties to her father, convinces Sabrina to abandon her mortal life, and cultivate her abilities as a child of the Church of Lucifer. AU - Rated Mature - Chapters 18/? - Last Update 2/27/2020

7. “My Lover of Blood and Milk”*

Author: Unseemingowl aka @unseemingowl​

Summary: It didn’t feel as though it had only been a few hours since she had made her way to the Greendale woods for Lupercalia. As she sat there, shivering in her muddied and bloodied silk slip, it felt as if a completely different person had made her way back out of the forest...... Or how Sabrina struggles with lust and trust after her disastrous Lupercalian night with Nick. Rated Mature - Chapters 2/4 - Last Update 2/26/2020

8. “Off The Record - One Shots”

Author: sarahkwut

Summary: Missing scenes from completed piece, 'Off The Record.'AU/AH - Not Rated - Chapters 4/? - Last Update 2/23/2020

9. “I hurt myself today” 

Author: ssteelatoms

Summary: After everything he's endured, Nick Scratch decides he can't hold on any longer. Rated Mature - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 2/23/2020

10. “Be True To Your School”

Author: rayo aka @its-nabrina-bitch​

Summary: Nicholas Scratch is the Golden Boy™ of Baxter High; star athlete, top of his class academically, and devastatingly handsome. Sabrina Spellman sees Sophomore year as an opportunity to expand her horizons; joining the cheerleading squad, running for student council, and making new friends along the way while working to maintain her relationships with her old friends. What Sabrina Spellman doesn't know: sophomore year is about to turn her world upside-down. Rated T - Chapters 6/? - Last Update 2/23/2020

11. “Ocean”

Author: sarahkwut

Summary: AU, M-Rated. Nicholas Scratch has everything working in his favor. He's got a decent job as a history teacher, his roommate Melvin is always up for video games and getting high, and Sabrina Spellman lets him mess up her sheets frequently. Sabrina knows Nick isn't good for her, but she can't stay away, no matter how hard it is to pretend she's completely okay with their casual arrangement. But when life takes an unexpected curve, Nick is forced to face a new normal he doesn't know how to navigate. And Sabrina may or may not be there to help him through it. AU/AH - Rated Mature - Chapters 27/27 - COMPLETED 2/10/2020

12. “I’ll be there”*

Author: Miss_Kath90 aka @misskath90​

Summary: She couldn’t stop looking at him, since she had recovered him from the claws of the Dark Lord, she felt unable to be apart from him and had to admit that part of her was afraid he would disappear if she moved from his side. And Sabrina wouldn't let anyone or anything separate him from her again. Never. Rated Mature - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 1/30/2020

13. “Walk away”*

Author: Miss_Kath90 aka @misskath90​

Summary: Pain. Could he someday escape the pain? He sometimes thought it impossible. It was strange, his relationship with the pain, it was an enemy and a friend. The pain numbed him. The pain didn’t let him sleep. The pain hurt him and soothed him. It was unhealthy, the way the pain helped him relieve the pain. But it was the only thing he had left. Rated T - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 1/27/2020

14. “To Hell and Back”*

Author: sarahkwut

Summary: Sabrina was successful in her efforts to retrieve Nick from Hell, but the damage - physical and emotional - is deep. Sometimes, the only way to heal is to go your separate ways and trust things will work themselves out in the end. (Written before Part 3 - an alternate take on how Nick recovers from his time in Hell - with and without Sabrina). Rated Mature - Chapters 3/3 - Last Update 1/26/2020

15. “The Morning(star) After”*

Author: rayo aka @its-nabrina-bitch​

Summary: A Painful NickxSabrina Reunion Rated T - Chapters 1/3 - Last Update 1/24/2020

16. “My only love sprung from my only hate”

Author: filmharlot

Summary: High School AU where Nick is based on the version of him that Sabrina creates in her dream during the Batibat episode. Harvey and Sabrina have broken up and don't want to work together on the Romeo and Juliet assignment in Drama class, so she ends up being partners with Nick AU - Not Rated - Chapters 8/? - Last Update 1/19/2020

17. ”Ground Beneath Her Feet”

Author: mindlesshappy aka @feministstree​

Summary: Sabrina is born out of a miracle - one that she wishes would repeat for her, but when she is destined for someone else, how much can she resist before her heart decides to give in. Alternatively, Nick is Sabrina's soulmate, but she really just wants Harvey to be it. Also, in the backseat are all the other possible ships, getting their own soulmate glories. Rated T - Chapters 17/? - Last Update 1/17/2020

18. “A very witchy Christmas”*

Author: Miss_Kath90 aka @misskath90​

Summary: Just a bit of silly Christmas fluff that I couldn’t help but write, placed in the series universe after a huge jump in time. Not Rated - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 12/25/2019

19. “Mortal Little Christmas”*

Author: HeartsInJeopardy 

Summary: ‘Twas the night before Christmas – and the first for Nick Scratch - but Sabrina’s holiday movie was not a good match. Rated T - Chapters 2/2 - Last Update 12/21/2019

20. “Lessons in the Unseen”

Author: bunivy aka @bunivys​

Summary: Academy Teachers AU. Sabrina Spellman lives as simple a life as a half-mortal half-witch can. Despite her dislike for the headmaster, she enjoys spending her time teaching Ritual Magic at the Academy of Unseen Arts, hoping to positively shape the minds of young witches and warlocks. However, with the sudden dreadful announcement of her aunt Zelda's engagement and the appearance of one mysterious - and strikingly handsome - Nicholas Scratch, Sabrina finds that her life is not so simple anymore. Or all that safe. AU - Rated Mature - Chapters 32/32 - COMPLETED 12/17/2019

21. “Just a Little Obsessed”*

Author: eyerys

Summary: Nicholas has developed a tinie-tiny crush on Sabrina. Nothing like major or whatever. It's not like he thinks about her all the time or daydreams about what it would be like to be with her or how cool she is. No, not at all.Sabrina doesn't have a crush on Nick. No, not at all. Uh-uh. She has Harvey. Sweet and loving Harvey Kinkle. But for some reason, she can't help but find her mind wandering. Rated T - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 12/13/2019

22. “As The Moon Rises”*

Author: venzaren

Summary: Sabrina Spellman is tired.Tired of living a double life. Tired of facing discrimination at the hands of her pack. Tired of dealing with her status as an Omega. And most of all, she's tired of people hounding her about finding her mate.Then Nick Scratch returns to Greendale. AU - Rated General - Chapters 1/? - Last Update 12/07/2019

23. “Thirteen Memories”

Author: tempestbreak

Summary: (Set at the end of Season 2) Sabrina and her friends go to Hell and rescue Nick -- but what happens when that's the easy part?It turns out, having the Dark Lord inside your mind for months can do some damage, and Nick comes back different. His memories of the events leading up to his sacrifice, including his relationship with Sabrina, are gone. How can Sabrina help him regain his memories of their time together when she's not even sure she trusts her own? Rated Mature - Chapters 6/? - Last Update 11/02/2019

24. “But The Greatest Is Love”

Author: sarahkwut

Summary: The acheron captured Lucifer Morningstar, but their problems are far from over. The coven is decimated, the Church of Night is no more, Father Blackwood is on the run, and Nick and Sabrina's relationship is in ruins. How do they pick up the pieces and move on? There are more questions than answers and the consequences could be of biblical proportions. Rated Mature - Chapters 25/25 - COMPLETED 10/28/2019

25. “Back to You”

Author: nadiaselite

Summary: Sabrina brings Nick back from hell. Rated T - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 10/11/2019

26. “The Open Road”

Author: paradiamond

Summary: Nick wants her back, and he’s willing to do whatever it takes. In fact, he insists on it. Rated T - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 9/22/2019

27. “The words “I love you” aren’t enough”*

Author: Miss_Kath90

Summary: “Look at me, Nick” he was reluctant but when he finally looked up she took his face in her hands making him unable to look away “What you did that day… Nick, you sacrificed yourself for my sake, even when I mistreated you and told you all those horrible things. You did it for me, because you love me… Don’t you see? You’re incapable of being evil.”Or... Sabrina gets her boyfriend back but things don’t go as smoothly as she thinks they will. Rated Mature - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 9/22/2019

28. “Mission: Let’s get my boyfriend back”

Author: My_Evak_Heart

Summary: Sabrina and the Fright Club ventures on their first mission: getting Nick back from Hell Not Rated - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 9/7/2019

29. “Jealousy is a killer”

Author: Melissa1226

Summary: Will Sabrina and Nick Start something new? and who is watching them from the shadow full of jealousy? Rated Mature - Chapters 8/? - Last Update 8/28/2019

30. “The Jock”

Author: mikaila_ealum

Summary: An Alternate Universe where Nicholas Scratch is Baxter High’s quarterback along with one of the most popular boys at school. With few knowing the truth, Scratch is living a double life as a warlock at the Academy of Unseen Arts. Sabrina takes a hiatus from the Academy to get more in touch with her mortal side. When Sabrina gets back she becomes partners with Nicholas for a project in theatre class. AU - Chapters 8/? - Last Update 8/07/2019

31. “act 5, scene 2 (thou and i are too wise to woo peaceably)”

Author: ghostemo aka @wickedscratch​

Summary: When Sabrina Spellman rose to a challenge issued by Prudence Night, she never imagined she’d actually make the varsity cheer squad - or that doing so would upend life as she knew it. Now she has to navigate her new role within the social hierarchy of hell -er Baxter High as well as trying to get her boyfriend to actually communicate. It certainly doesn’t help that she’s been paired up with the annoyingly handsome Nicholas Scratch, captain of Greendale’s beloved football team, for a project in her theater class. It’s exactly as, if not more so, cliche as it sounds. AU/AH - Rated T - Chapters 3/? - 7/25/2019

32. “Off the Record”

Author: sarahkwut

Summary: AU. Detective Nicholas Scratch left New York for Greendale in desperate need of a change of scenery. The small town takes some getting used to, but local reporter Sabrina Spellman quickly grabs his attention. It's the fresh start he needed until Greendale's residents start turning up dead. With a murderer on the loose, no one is innocent - and anyone might be next. AU/AH - Rated Mature - Chapters 29/29 - COMPLETED 7/22/2019

33. “Bring You Close To Me”

Author: BridgetMcKennitt

Summary: Sabrina and her friends managed to bring Nicholas back from Hell. There was a lot the two of them needed to discuss, but tonight, they had this. Rated E Mature - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Last Update 7/13/2019

34. ���A Brief Moment”

Author: bunivy aka @bunivys​

Summary: Ever since he's returned from Hell, Nicholas Scratch has been having nightmares. With help from Aunt Hilda, Sabrina unknowingly shows him a light and for a moment, Nicholas knows everything will be okay. Rated General - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Last Update 6/24/2019

35. “To Hell and Back”

Author: swtnerdgirl

Summary: A year has passed since Sabrina and her friends rescued Nick from Hell. No one came back the same. They all had their scars. Some emotionally. Some physically. In the days leading to Hilda's wedding, they all prepare for their lives to change and heal their wounds. Rated Mature - Chapters 16/? - Last Update 6/06/2019

36. “Dead Witch Walking”

Author: rayo aka @its-nabrina-bitch​

Summary: Faced with the possibility of being harrowed to death by her classmates, Sabrina finds an escape. Rated E Mature - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Last Update 5/26/2019

37. “Moonlight Beneath Rough Lips”

Author: ivylikeveins

Summary: After the encounter with the thirteen witches of Greendale, Sabrina enters the dining hall with moonlight locks bathed in soft blue hues, and Nick does not know what to do. He ends up with a soft and small Sabrina pressed into his chest, sleeping, and wrapped around his very much over-sized jacket with Nick's lips pressed into the soft, pearly strands he wants his soul to get entangled within. Rated Mature - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Last Update 5/19/2019

38. “The Hunt”

Author: OnlyInAutumn

Summary: Nick howled into the night, up at the stars to signify that he was ready on the eve of Lupercalia, the darkness of midnight around them. The first sound of the horn sent them into the forest. The hunt had begun. Rated E Mature - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Last Update 5/11/2019

39. “Secrets, Secrets are no Fun”

Author: filmharlot

Summary: Sabrina is the new kid for the first time in her life. Choosing to go to the Academy full-time seems to be a hard transition than she was expecting. With the Weird Sisters harassment at an all-time high, dealing with leaving her mortal friend's and condescending teachers, Sabrina is suffering. She's not even allowed to have Salem for comfort. It's not all bad though. She is finally free to do magic whenever she wants, and there's a charming warlock who is being particularly nice to her. Plus, someone is leaving kind gifts on her bed at the end of the night. She just wishes she knew who it was. Not Rated - Chapters 1/? - Last Update 5/06/2019

40. “Unsettled Nighttime Creatures”

Author: mindlesshappy

Summary: We all know Sabrina is going to save Nick. This is how Nick reacts to being saved - which, spoilers alert - is like a very stupid warlock. Rated T - Chapters 5/5 - Completed 4/25/2019

41. “Selfless”

Author: sarahwut

Summary: Sabrina Spellman dragged Nicholas Scratch back from Hell. But Hell might be better than a world in which they aren't together. Rated General - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Completed 4/23/2019

42. “Homecoming”

Author: cherrystems

Summary: After several months Sabrina is able to get Nick back from Hell with the help of her family and friends. However, Nick has to adjust to Earth again while dealing with PTSD and anxiety. This tells the story of the growth of Sabrina and Nick's relationship over the recovery time. Not Rated - Chapters 3/? - Last Update 4/20/2019

43. “Under Your Spell”

Author: londonmarie

Summary: Sabrina doesn't hesitate to have her Dark Baptism and things go differently. Rated T - Chapters 10/? - Last Update 4/18/2019

44. “Photographs”

Author: Greyowl9831

Summary: It's been at least 150 years since Sabrina signed her name in the Book of the Beast. One day she finds an old photo album. Will the memories it contains be a great walk down memory lane or will it be more than she can bare? Not Rated - Chapters 4/? - Last Update 4/14/2019

45. “An itch That Needed Scratching”

Author: umbrellacorp

Summary: What if Nick slayed his familiar and Sabrina and Nick got to experience the last night of the Lupercalia festival alone. Tonight, Sabrina would be transformed. Nick was going to show her power that she never knew she had, an innate carnal power. They were about to become the most powerful union of the Church of Night. Rated E Mature - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Last Update 4/13/2019

46. “and I keep waiting (but I won’t say I’m waiting)”

Author: lost_n_stereo @lost-n-stereo​

Summary: You would think that it would hurt less as the days go by, since it’s been nearly two years since Nick sacrificed himself for the greater good and Lilith took him to hell. Except, he didn’t sacrifice himself for the greater good, he sacrificed himself for her. And that makes it a hell of a lot tougher to let go. Rated General - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Last Update 4/10/2019

47. “The Four Pictures”

Author: Copper_16

Summary: It’s been 10 years. Nick and Sabrina are teachers at the Academy along with some familiar faces. It’s been a decade there can’t be that much chaos anymore, right? Wrong. Rated T - Chapters 3/? - Last Update 4/09/2019

48. “Fire”

Author: OnlyInAutumn

Summary: Their power—together—was overwhelming. It was something that she had not felt either, the consuming feeling of expanding power. It was entirely addicting. Rated Mature - Chapters 2/2 - Completed 3/24/2019

49. “something I can believe”

Author: Anry

Summary: Missing scene after Sabrina's baptism. I wouldn't say that it's really a relationship here, just conversation. Rated General - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Last Update 1/25/2019

AND THERE YOU GO AGAIN!!!

Everyone again please make sure to leave love through the comments and giving kudos to all these amazing writers who have worked so hard on delivering these stories. Some who have newly popped up with amazing fics during the Part 4 Hiatus. Because of course without them this wait for Part 4 would be so much harder....now especially since the cast has officially wrapped Part 4 Filming.

But seriously these writers work hard on these stories and truly deserve the encouragement and love for their hard work with these amazing stories. Giving a simple “Love the chapter, can’t wait for more” will keep them going. So make sure to show your love by leaving comments our sharing their stories with other Nabrina Shippers or just CAOS fans.

If anyone has any other suggestions for the list feel free to message me :).

ANYWAYS ENJOY!!!! LET THE PART 4 WAIT BEGIN

#Nabrina #Sabrina Spellman #Nick Scratch #CAOS #chilling adventures of sabrina

[pheedraws]

I got tagged in this ultimate OTP meme a while ago and this has been sitting in my drafts since because I am, at my core, indecisive. It also means I can’t remember who tagged me so my apologies! I could not sleep at all last night so I finally finished it off ... voila 

Disagreements:

Who is more likely to raise their voice?

They both try to keep things low-key, especially if others are within earshot, but they are also incredibly stubborn and won’t back down from an argument if they think they are right so things can often get loud.

Who threatens to leave but never actually does?

Neither of them. They’ve both had enough people walk out on them in the past that they wouldn’t threaten the other with that in the heat of the moment, regardless of the argument.

Who actually keeps their word and leaves?

As above. At the very most, one of them will go somewhere to cool off for a few hours but that’s the extent of that.

Who trashes the house?

Neither of them. Billy has the shorter temper of the two but that’s not his style.

Do either of them get physical?

Never.

How often do they argue/disagree?

Hoo boy. After Billy breaks things off mere days before they lose Maria and the kids? Dee can’t stand to be in the same room as him without fighting. Billy plays along, after all he needed the dispute to seem real so Rawlins would drop Dee as a potential pawn to use against him (thus keeping her safe), but the part of him he buried deep down hates seeing her hurt and angry. Doesn’t stop him from landing a few cutting jabs every now and then, though…

Post-S1? Not a lot. It takes them a while to work through things after Rawlins’ death and Billy’s pardoning, eventually getting back to how things were in the ‘good old days’. All the previous grievances just seem petty in comparison and thus arguments are few and far between. When they do get back together? It’s all small domestic things, the most common argument being Billy trying to get Dee to just slow down and stop working herself to the bone.

Who is the first to apologise?

Usually Billy. (He is usually the one in the wrong, so…)

Sex:

Who is on top?

More often than not Billy, though he certainly has no qualms against sitting back and making Dee work for it from time to time.

Who is on the bottom?

Mostly Dee, with exceptions of course. (She can top Billy every so often, as a treat)

Who has the strangest desires?

I wouldn’t say either of them have particularly strange desires, but their sex life is never boring. Let’s leave it at that.

Any kinks?

Too damn many. Dee more so than Billy, which he fucking loves.

Who’s dominant in bed?

Almost always Billy. Even when Dee’s on top, he’s still the one in control.

Is head ever in the equation?

Absolutely.

If so, who is better at performing it?

Billy’s an incredibly confident and smug man, both in life and in the bedroom. Is it justified? Wholly.

Ever had sex in public?

…Yes.

They just had to break in the newly refurbished head office at Anvil, after all…

Who moans the most?

They both get pretty vocal in their own ways. For Billy, it’s a lot of guttural moans and ‘fuck’s. In Dee’s case? Well, Billy doesn’t rest until she’s screaming loud enough that all her neighbors know him by name…

Who leaves the most marks?

Billy. He’d never push Dee past her limits or seriously hurt her, but he does get a little... carried away in the moment.

Dee loves it though.

Who’s the more experienced of the two?

Again, Billy.

Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’?

In the early days it was almost exclusively fucking. They had a friends-with-benefits situation going on that didn’t leave room for the feelings they both refused to acknowledge.

Post-S1, when everything is back on track and positive? It’s a healthy mix of the two.

Rough or soft?

Again, a healthy mix of the two.

How long do they usually last?

Billy has the stamina of a superhuman. Whether it’s fucking or making love, you can bet your ass he’s making it last until Dee is fully spent.

Is protection used?

Yes. They’re both too busy to consider the, ahem, alternative right now.

Does it ever get boring?

With Billy Russo? Never.

Where is the strangest place they’ve have sex?

An elevator.

Heathens.

Family:

Do they plan on having children/or have children?

That is… a complicated topic. After losing Lisa and Frank Jr., Dee was kind of put off the idea of starting a family with anyone. Billy has his own reservations about kids and parenthood too, given his own history. Plus post-S1, with both of them working hard towards getting Anvil re-established? There isn’t time for that.

Neither of them completely rule out future possibilities, though.

If so, how many children do they want/have?

Neither have given it much thought, in all honesty.

Affection:

Who likes to cuddle?

They are both partial to a good cuddle on the sofa or in bed, particularly after a long day.

Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places?

B I L L Y. That man’s randiness is second to none.

Who struggles to keep their hands to themselves?

As above, Billy. It isn’t always inherently sexual, though; he uses touch as an affirmation more so than words, so he’ll make a point of brushing loose hairs out of Dee’s face, or sliding his arms around her waist whenever he can. He’s finally at a stage in his life where he can afford to be soft and affectionate, so naturally he wants to make the most of it.

How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable?

Depends on the situation. Both of them are borderline workaholics, so staying still for anything longer than half an hour during the day just doesn’t sit well with them and they’ll take themselves off to get back to work. If they fall asleep in each other’s arms, though? You best believe they’ll still be entwined when morning comes.

Who gives the most kisses?

Dee’s the smoocher of the pair, always has been, though Billy has taken to planting a kiss on her forehead when her brows knit together while working to ease the tension there.

What is their favourite non-sexual activity?

Their secret indulgence is sacking off work on a Friday night to order pizza and drink beer while watching some dumb movie neither are really interested in. Sometimes they invite the others over, but more often than not it’s just their night to breathe and enjoy each other’s company.

Dee will adamantly deny that she almost always falls asleep during the movie, though…

Where is their favourite place to cuddle?

Billy spared no expense when decorating his penthouse, so the sofa and bed are simply to die for. In the end that’s what spurs Dee to move in with him, lest she have to listen to him complain about her brick of a sofa one more time…

How often do they get time to themselves?

Not as often as they’d like. Later on down the line, when Dee leaves her clinic behind, they both work at Anvil, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they have more time to themselves. It’s busy, especially in the wake of the Rawlins fiasco, but things settle down eventually. They take those moments to themselves whenever they can.

Sleeping:

Who snores?

Mercifully, neither of them do.

If both do, who snores the loudest?

While neither of them snore, Dee talks utter nonsense in her sleep, which Billy then teases her for relentlessly.

Do they share a bed or sleep separately?

Always share a bed. Sleep doesn’t come easy to Dee, but having Billy beside her helps.

If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart?

They’ll cozy up as they fall asleep. More often than not they’ll wake up like that too, though Dee has been known to shift into some utterly nonsensical positions that would make a chiropractor cry.

What do they wear to bed? If they’re together?

Dee sleeps in a vest and shorts all year round.

Billy? Just underwear, unless previously removed before falling asleep …

Are either of them insomniacs?

Dee is a chronic insomniac and workaholic. While they’re in the middle of their break-up, can’t-stand-the-sight-of-each-other phase, Dee works through the night until she physically can’t stay awake any longer; anything to avoid the tossing and turning and overthinking that awaits her in bed. Things get better after Rawlins is dealt with and Billy is back in the picture, but it’s still a struggle for her at times.

Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside?

Dee tried them once. They don’t work.

Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side?

A little bit of both. Dee likes feeling Billy there with her so will tangle herself up in his arms and legs when she can, but if it’s hot? Stuff that. There’s nothing Dee hates more than feeling hot and smothered.

Who wakes up with bed hair?

Dee, and she will forever be bitter that Billy I’m-So-Perfect Russo can wake up looking like a damn model regardless of the antics they got up to the night before.

Who wakes up first?

If Dee had a fitful night of sleep, she’ll be up and out of bed at the earliest reasonable hour. On a normal day, Billy will wake up first.

Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other?

They usually just grab breakfast on the way to work, but if it’s a weekend or a special occasion? Billy is known to surprise her with breakfast in bed.

What’s their favourite sleeping position?

Billy on his back with Dee against his side, her head in the crook of his neck.

Do they set an alarm each night?

Billy doesn’t need one; perks of being a marine, and all. If they need to be up at a certain time, he’ll wake Dee up himself… sometimes in creative ways.

Can a television be found in their bedroom?

No. Billy never had one in his bedroom when he lived alone, and Dee wasn’t fussed either way.

Who has nightmares?

They both have their demons, so nightmares are a frequent occurrence. There’s a shared sense of comfort there, though; the pair always knowing what the other needs when they awake with a start, sheen of sweat on their body. The nightmares don’t follow them into the waking world anymore.

Who has ridiculous dreams?

Dee. And she’ll mutter and talk in her sleep the whole time.

Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed?

Surprisingly, Billy. While he’s kept many of his old sleeping habits from his days in the marines, he just can’t resist sprawling out in a big, fancy bed these days.

Who makes the bed?

They’re both neat people, so the general unspoken rule is whoever was last out of bed in the morning makes it.

What time is bed time?

It varies. They do try to have a healthy work-life balance, but Anvil is Billy’s pride and joy; if he needs to stay late working, he’ll do it without complaint. They’ll usually collapse into bed any time between 11PM and 2AM.

Any routines/rituals before bed?

Regular things; showering, brushing teeth, etc. If they haven’t seen much of each other all day they’ll lay awake chatting for a while, catching up on news and such. If Dee is going through a particularly bad stint of insomnia, she’ll work out in the evening to try and quell some of the restless feelings, and Billy has taken to joining her.

Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up?

Dee. Billy is insufferably smug and cheerful on a morning.  

Work:

Who is the busiest?

It varies. When Dee is working at the clinic, she’s working constantly. Where Frank goes, trouble is never far behind, and thus there’s never a quiet moment without a bullet wound to patch up or regular patient to see to. After she decides to call it quits and work for Anvil with Frank, Billy and Curtis, her workload decreases a bit. Though she may be the resident medic, Billy has a lot more work and responsibilities being at the top of the chain in that scenario.

Who rakes in the highest income?

Mr Billy Bigshot-CEO Russo

Are any of them unemployed?

No.

Who takes the most sick days?

Dee is very much of the ‘work until you drop’ ethic, and while the same can be said about Billy too in some respects, he’s more lenient with himself and will take a day off when he really needs it. He’ll also bribe encourage Dee to do the same when it’s evident she needs a break.

And I mean hey, what’s the point in owning your own company if you can’t take a cheeky sick day off every now and then?

Who is more likely to turn up late to work?

They travel together (technically live in the same damn building as their offices) so they really have no excuse. For the most part it all runs smoothly, but there are occasions where their ….. morning activities….. overrun, though Dee is adamant that you can never actually be late if you turn up with the boss; everyone else is just there early.  

Who sucks up to their boss?

Billy is technically Dee’s boss so…. go figure.

What are their jobs?          

After leaving the military, Dee establishes a small clinic in Hell’s Kitchen and works out of there for a few years. It’s met with a lot of resistance, what with her helping Frank out and getting involved in his grievances with local gangs. Eventually, post-S1 and after an arson attack leaves the clinic worse for wear, Dee decides to take up Billy’s offer of working for Anvil alongside Curtis on the medical team.

Billy still owns and runs Anvil, only with his friends by his side this time. It takes some time for the company’s reputation to recover, even after the truth about Rawlins comes out and Billy is exonerated, but he doesn’t mind the work. It makes it feel like his company again.

Who stresses the most?

They both have a knack for stressing and worrying, but Dee comes out on top in this regard. Maria always used to joke that she’d end up with frown lines by the time she’s thirty.

Do they enjoy or despise their careers/occupations?

They do. Billy has an immense sense of pride in his work now, and it’s therapeutic for him to work through the mess Rawlins made and reclaim Anvil as his.

Dee loves helping people, always has, so her work suits her.

Are they financially stable?

They are.

Home:

Who does the washing?

They’ll take it in turns for the most part. Both are incredibly neat people so household work is a breeze.

Who takes out the trash?

They’ll usually do it on the way to work, though if it’s cold outside and they have nowhere to be? Billy’s the one to take one for the team.

Who does the ironing?

Billy took one look at the way Dee irons shirts and forbid her from going near an iron again.

Who does the cooking?

Cooking is something they love to do together. It’s a chance for them to unwind and chat and laugh with each other after long working days, so it’s never a chore for them. If a few glasses of wine just happen to be drank during the process, too… well… they deserve it.

Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying?

They’re both pretty competent cooks.

Who is messier?

Neither is particularly messy, per se. Dee will say she’s not untidy and call her chaotic desk ‘organized clutter’, but that’s usually limited to her workspaces. The penthouse itself is almost always clean and tidy.

Who leaves the toilet roll empty?

Neither, because they are not heathens… in this regard, at least.

Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor?

If Billy is tired, he’ll just strip wherever is convenient and deal with the clothes in the morning. Dee at least makes the extra effort to hang things up or, at the very least, drape it over a chair.

Who forgets to flush the toilet?

They’re both pretty good for remembering that.

Who is the prankster around the house?

Dee has more of a sense of humor than Billy, but that’s not to say Billy doesn’t act like an utter asshole at times when he sees the opportunity.

Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere?

Dee doesn’t have a car (she can drive, there’s just not much use for one in the city) so she’s exempt.

I feel like Billy’s car keys are permanently attached to his person. He drives a Wraith, after all.

Who mows the lawn?

Lawn? What’s that?

(Not having a garden is the one thing Dee doesn’t particularly like about city living, though)

Who answers the telephone?

Each has their own mobile, so they deal with their own calls and such.

Who does the vacuuming?

Like with most housework, they’ll take it in turns. Dee refuses to hoover stairs, though, on the grounds that she doesn’t have a death wish.

Who does the groceries?

It depends on whoever has the least amount of work to do on that particular day. Billy quickly catches on to Dee’s confectionary-buying ways, though, so he’ll volunteer to do the shopping more often than not to save their pantry from yet more sugar.

Who takes the longest to shower?

With both of them having served tours overseas, they’re used to showering quickly and effectively. If they’re in the shower together, though? All notions of saving water are out the window.

Who spends the most time in the bathroom?

Billy. Russo. That man has a morning beauty routine to rival any model.

Miscellaneous:

Is money a problem?

Nope!

How many cars do they own?

One.

Do they own their home or do they rent?

Billy owns the penthouse. Prior to moving in with him, Dee used to rent an apartment in the city.

Do they live in the city or in the country?

New York, New York, baby!

Do they enjoy their surroundings?

Both grew up in city environments, so New York just feels like home to them. I think after everything they’ve been through, both individually and together, anywhere else would just feel…. Boring?

What’s their song?

Green Grass by Tom Waits

What do they do when they’re away from each other?

If Billy is away with work, they call or skype whenever they can. They’ve spent unwanted time apart in the past, on particularly bad terms to boot, so they don’t like being away from each other for extended periods.

Where did they first meet?

Dee practically grew up with Maria; the two had been nigh on inseparable since the day they met in elementary school, and formed a sisterly bond that carried on way into adulthood. Dee was already going through basic training when Maria introduced her to Frank, who then brought Billy along to the group a couple of weeks later. The two swiftly became close friends, and dabbled in a bit of the ol friends-with-benefits arrangement when off duty.

Who spends the most money when out shopping?

Billy is more willing to spend money, but he rarely goes out shopping for himself; it’s either something to boost Anvil’s status or capabilities, or something for the penthouse. Dee grew up lacking the financial cushion they have today, so old habits die hard in her case. She won’t buy things for herself unless she really needs something, and even then it takes a lot of internal debating to reach that point.

Who finds it amusing when the other trips over?

Dee is fairly clumsy, much to her dismay (and Billy’s apparent enjoyment).

Any mental issues?

Hoo boy. Billy is an entire essay in his own right so I’ll focus on Dee, though a lot of their mental troubles overlap. Dee left the military after a mission in Iraq under Schoonover went awry, landing the unit in a hostage situation with only Dee and the Major managing to survive two weeks until they were extracted. She was initially given leave to recover and recuperate with intentions of returning to duty, but she decided against it and was discharged. Dee was later diagnosed with PTSD as a result of the incident. Add to that the later trauma of losing Maria, her lifelong best friend and practically her sister, as well as Lisa and Frank Jr.? The woman went through a lot in an incredibly short space of time and it took its toll on her both mentally and physically.

(I’m missing a lot but alas I have not slept and cannot write a coherent paragraph)

Who’s terrified of bugs?

Dee point-blank refuses to be in the same room as a spider. She knows it’s a bit pathetic, but frankly? She doesn’t really care. Other bugs are fine, just no creepy crawlies inside, please.

Who kills the spiders around the house?

As mentioned above, Dee will not touch a single spider so it’s down to Billy to be the hero and remove them from the building.

Their favourite place?

New York City apartments don’t have much in the way of gardens, but the rooftop terrace on the penthouse quickly became their favourite spot once it was given a bit of TLC. Dee has a few planters for growing flowers and herbs for the kitchen, and Billy surprised her one night with a firepit perfect for huddling around as the sun goes down. It’s like a little safe haven away from the stressful jobs and business below them.

Who pays the bills?

They both contribute, Dee was very insistent on that when she moved in, though Billy offered otherwise.

Do they have any fears for the future?

Plenty. Billy still doubts himself, still judges himself by his past mistakes and actions and worries that one day, everything he holds dear will eventually crumble before him again, only this time he won’t be able to pick up the pieces. He keeps these fears to himself, but Dee can tell when those thoughts are giving him grief, and is always there to offer words of reassurance.

Dee worries about Frank. Her elder brother almost; the one constant in her life over the tumultuous years. She worries that one day, this life they’ve all rebuilt together won’t be enough for him, that he’ll miss what made him him, miss the violence and vengeance. And she gets it, to an extent. She lived that life too after Maria and the kids passed, helping him and getting her hands dirty in ways that meant they’ll never be clean again. But she’s settled now, here, with Billy and Frank and Curtis. She just worries the peace she found won’t last.

Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner?

Billy, most definitely. He has expensive tastes to begin with and is fairly spontaneous in nature; he’ll often call Dee at work to announce that they’re going out mere hours in advance. It brings him joy to do things for others.

Who’s the tallest?

Billy. He’ll tease Dee about it from time to time, but really? He loves the way he can press his lips to her forehead when she’s in his arms.

Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?

While they both love showering together and, ahem, other more scandalous antics, it’s usually Billy who initiates and slips into the shower behind Dee as opposed to the other way around because for Christ sake Billy shower at a reasonable hour who willingly gets up at 5:30 every morning

Who wanders around in their underwear?

Dee, though Billy has been known to join the underwear party when he a. hungover b. exhausted or c. too damn warm.

Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio?

Dee, and while she can indeed sing, she gets so much more joy out of seeing Billy’s grimace whenever she purposefully butchers a song.

What do they tease each other about?

Dee pokes fun at Billy’s hair and how goddamn perfect it is all the time. She’s also taken to lovingly ruffling it up a tad when they’re at home, though that often ends with either her being hoisted over his shoulder or tickled relentlessly…

Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times?

They both dress fairly smartly on a day to day basis, taking pride in their appearance and the way they present themselves to the world. There is one exception, however, and that is when Dee insists on lounging around the penthouse that god awful “I Got A Dig Bick” tee Frank gifted Billy during one of Anvil’s annual jokey Secret Santa exchanges. Each time he sees it in the laundry basket he tries his best to dispose of it, but that thing just keeps on making its way back into the wardrobe...

Do they have mutual friends?

They do! Frank and Curtis being the main two, with Karen being more of a mutual acquaintance for Billy, who missed out on a lot while stuck working for Rawlins.

Who crushed first?

There was a mutual attraction there which ultimately spurned the whole friends-with-benefits situation, but Dee was the first to start getting actual Feelings.

Any alcohol or substance related problems?

None.

Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk,  at 3 am?

If they’re out drinking that late, they’re most likely out together. Dee’s accent gets stronger when she’s drunk, which Billy finds hilarious. Coincidentally, he also finds everything funny when shitfaced drunk. Naturally, they make quite the pair...

Who swears the most?

Dee swears like a sailor, at any minor inconvenience. Dropped something? Oh fuck off. Minor inconvenience? Bastard. Billy blames it on being exposed to Frank Castle at an early age, which earns a fuck you from them both.

#good morning we are writing our own canon on this here day #anxiety was kicking my ass last night so I caved and did self-indulgent stuff #forgive me father for i am but simple trash #tag game #oc stuff #oc: diana 'dee' murphy #x: lay your head where my heart used to be #look at these two thots #finally getting a ship name after god knows how long

[septiembrre]

Fake titles (aka just random songs): don’t wanna fight, this strange effect, soy peor, and the game played right

don’t wanna fight

Post-Season 3, after continued back and forth and all of the rising (sexual) tension, it comes out that Rio knew about the hitman plot all along.

They had thought this moment would be a violent confrontation - but they’re both sapped and unsure of how to proceed.  Beth and Rio exhaust each other but still can’t stop their ridiculous want and for better or worse, there’s feelings. If they can’t let each other go, it’s obvious that communication and apologies are in order. Beth has been doing her research on apologies, devoured self-help books on forgiveness, she knows she needs to acknowledge what she did that night in his loft and she rehearses what she could say. She knows she needs to suck it up and take this step, but every time she opens her mouth she can’t release the words.

In a parallel to 2x09, Rio slowly strips off his peacoat, unbuttons his shirt, one button at a time, revealing the scars. Beth tells him she will never forgive herself. The pain between them isn’t resolved, but something inside them loosens a little bit, whatever this is isn’t as overwhelming.

this strange effect

A collection of moments in which Beth reflects on her attraction to Rio. S1 -> post S3.

I think that Beth canonically tries to avoid noticing or processing her attraction to Rio. As an viewer, you can tell from very early on in Season 1 that Beth is very interested in Rio. It seems like she tries to avoid interrogating her interest/desire/jealousy of him. It’s probably a good part of the why she doesn’t talk to Annie & Ruby about him. She seems to keep most of her interactions with Rio private.  

So this fic would be about coming across Beth in her quiet moments in Season 1 where she imagines what it would be like to be him, to have agency, to have power, to be someone who could really be seen by him, what it would be like to kiss him.

It would pick up again throughout Season 2, as Beth allows herself to think about his come-ons and flirting.

And then again in Season 3, after Lucy’s murder as Rio shouts at her again that it’s just business, and more fully realizing that he’s in this with her, too.

soy peor

Ha, picturing Rio relating to Benito verses is fun. :)

A coming of age story about Rio. It builds out his character and follows his ascent into power, and as he has to make difficult choices and also, y’know, the joy (having a son, taking pleasure in how good he is at everything he does apparently, his family, his real otp:$$$$) he experiences along the way.

-

the game played right

This would definitely be my excuse to explore my version of ~BOARD GAME NIGHT~~***

So far I believe the fandom has avoided having Brio play Catan. Haha, for this fic, I would go there.

This could be in the show universe, maybe Rio & Mick have a long-time Catan playing tradition with some buddies. It comes out that Beth has never played. Annie is ragging on her for being too judgey about nerd culture, despite Beth being an enormous nerd in many other ways. Rio reveals that he’s like a Catan wizard and ends up drawing Beth into what should be a friendly, easy-going game. But, despite being a complete novice, Beth keeps doing VERY well. She coincidentally gets all the ore & brick resources, and keeps rolling fantastically. Rio gets Big Mad and they get Very Competitive. Annie and Mick watch in second-hand embarrassment, slowly withering away in deep levels of mortification. Mick and Annie both come to the realization of why Brio likes each other so much. The first game ends pretty quickly since Beth just like bizarrely dominates without having any strategy. Rio wants a rematch… and it continues from there.

OR

AU! Annie gets Beth into playing Catan and she meets Rio at a friend’s board game night. They are competitive assholes! Intense, and increasingly sexually charged tournaments ensue. Their friends (Ruby, Annie, Lucy, Stan, Mick, Eddie) are embarrassed for them. Brio refuses to do anything about it. Beth refuses to really consider dating Rio - he’s absurdly attractive but an asshole. Rio refuses to admit Beth could be anything besides a one-time thing - I mean he has eyes but, she’s so prim, not his type. 

Eventually said friends are fed up with these overly hostile & aggressive friend outings. No one wants to ever see a Catan board ever again. Board games are banned from the friend group. In desperation, they set Brio up on a blind date... with each other. Ambushed by their friends and dressed up and looking like total dimes, they admit that it wouldn’t be the worst thing to get a drink together at this bar. They’re already here! They bone in the bathroom. 

But yeah, Rio would LOVE a strategy game. He’s probably one of those assholes who likes Risk.

#my writing #asks

[thesmalltowngal]

Snowbaz 23- Golden Days

Otp Prompt #23: There’s a fair in town, and all of Watford attends. Everything in Simon and Baz’s lives has gone to hell… they deserve one night of forgetting everything. What will happen on their last day of freedom under the neon lights of the carnival? (Before the defeat the Humdrum, after everything else except Baz and Simon aren’t together yet.)

*Baz’s POV*

My father is an arsehole. After everything that’s happened this year, of bloody course I felt it horrifically unnecessary to go to a carnival. Crowley, we should still be focused on the war with the old families and the Humdrum, for fucks’ sake! When I told my father my plans of sitting it out, he for some reason felt the need to fight me on the subject.

“Basilton, you’ll regret it if you don’t go, you know.” He had said to me, looking bored. (Although I knew that he wasn’t bored- he was fully alert and intent on giving me hell.)

“Father, in what world would I regret not going to a silly party for children where all they serve is…” I visibly shiver as I lace  disgust into my tone. “Fried.” He rolled his eyes then, as he does so often. 

“These are the good days, my son. You should make memories- you’ll regret it later if you don’t go tonight.” Well that was the biggest bloody load of shit I had ever heard. The good days? Yes, yes, the good days in which I spent pining over my enemy that was destined to kill me, loathing myself to a point of insanity, and trying to find my mothers’ killer. What wonderful memories. 

I tried to keep my composure as I said, “But, father, I really see it more fit to-”

“Basil. Enough. This is non-negotiable, I’m afraid. You are to go to the carnival and that’s that.” We didn’t discuss it further. I knew I could have simply skipped, but no doubt that he’d find out somehow. I promptly huffed (with dignity- I’m not a troll) up to my room and stayed there for the rest of the afternoon, playing mournful songs on my violin.

I’ll be damned if I, Basilton Grimm-Pitch spend the whole carnival moping because father dearest told me I had to go. I was just going to sit on a wall smoking with Dev and Niall, but apparently their parents couldn’t make sense of why they should go, either. They’re currently at their respective homes, preparing for the inevitable war. 

The carnival is already loud and large, and it’s not even noon yet. Most of Watford attends, which explains the mysterious floating popcorn all around. There are people everywhere, their pulses beating unbearably loud. (I had to drain two deer before this, just to make sure I wasn’t tempted by all of the flowing blood around.) Looking around, I see people I know, but I’ve never talked to. (Mostly because they’re inferior.) I don’t want to go in. I don’t want to make ‘memories’ with people who would like to see me dead, and I most certainly don’t want to be here watching Snow and Wellbelove cozy it up on the Ferris Wheel. 

Startling me from my thoughts, I feel a finger tap me on my shoulder. I whip around, expecting to see Dev or Niall after all, but instead, I’m face to face with Simon Snow himself. (Well, not face to face so much. More like his face to my jaw.) Speak of the devil. He looks beautiful, as always. His bronze curls are a halo of gold around his face and his (extra)ordinary blue eyes. He looks nervous, but determined. 

“What do you want, Snow?” I sneer. 

*Simon’s POV*

I wish he wouldn’t sneer at me so much. I came over to him because honestly, he was the only familiar face I could find. Not much time to socialize with anyone but your bloody roommate, (ex) girlfriend and best friend when you’re the chosen one. 

I roll my eyes, but speak nonetheless. “Well, er… where are Dev and Niall?”

“Currently unavailable,” He pauses for a moment, thinking. “Why, Snow?” To be quite honest, I don’t really know why I’m doing this myself. Maybe because there’s no one else I know here. Maybe because I know this is the last time I’ll see Baz until one of us kills the other. Maybe because he just looked so alone standing there in front of the carnival.

“Well, because, um… Well, I-”

“Spit it out, Chosen.”

“Penny and Agatha couldn’t come tonight and I don’t know anyone else. And I just… well, I just need a night away from everything.” I look at him with what I hope are pleading eyes. He scoffs and begins to walk away, but I reach out for his arm. He stops, looking back at me, and quirks an eyebrow. “Listen… Baz, please. This is our last day of freedom. It’s the end of the year, the end of Watford, and right now, I just want to forget everything. Just for one night. Do it with me, Baz.” He looks mildly disgusted, but I can tell that he’s thinking about it. 

“Everything?” He nearly whispers. I know he means everything that’s happened with us in the past. The fighting, the threats. I nod my head, sure of myself. “Okay. Deal.” I let his arm go and we walk side by side into the carnival (we’ve never walked side by side; it’s weird) that has a large neon sign at the top of the gates. ‘Golden Days’. Must be the name of the carnival. I look at Baz with uncertainty, but he just smiles at me. Merlin, is that what Baz’s smile looks like? Crowley, I could get used to that. 

I grab his hand and start running into the crowd, dragging him behind me. I hear what I think is Baz laughing behind me and it gives me a jolt of ecstasy. His laugh is so carefree… like he’s got nothing but everything to live for. I love it. I keep dragging him behind me until we get to the line for a rollercoaster. I let his hand go and I see that he turns pale. (Well, paler than usual, that is. He must’ve eaten before this because he has a bit more colour than he usually does.) 

“What’s wrong?” I frown. He gulps and I watch as his Adam’s apple bobs up and down.

“Nothing, Snow, I just…” He’s trying to maintain his composure, but he’s failing. It’s bloody odd seeing his nervous. Baz is a lot of things, but nervous is not one of them. “I’m not a fan of rollercoasters.” Oh. 

“We can ride another ride if you-”

“No. No, it’s fine, Snow. I can do it,”

“Why are you afraid?” He glares at me but doesn’t correct my word choice. 

“When I was younger I went on one with my aunt Fiona. I… well my stomach didn’t react well.”

“Vampires can get sick?” I mentally slap myself, but instead of glaring at me, he just nods absentmindedly as he stares at the rollercoaster. He must really be scared if he’s admitting to being a vampire. Although I suppose it doesn’t quite matter now that we’re not in Watford anymore. I grab his hand and give it a squeeze, not letting it go this time. His hand is cold and calloused but it’s a nice break from Agatha’s warm and smooth hands. I think I see his breath catch, but I ignore it. 

We don’t talk again until we’re seated in the ride, climbing up to the top before the drop. Baz’s breath is fast and his leg is shaking, so I hold his hand even tighter. “It’s gonna be okay Baz,” I laugh. He rolls his eyes, but I see the smile playing on his lips. As we drop, I look over to see Baz screaming, but laughing all the same. His hair is flying all around his face and he looks absolutely perfect as always. The bloody wanker never looks bad even as he’s terrified on a rollercoaster. As we lurch on the turns, he looks over to me, his face alight with joy. (It occurs to me now that I don’t think I’ve ever really seen Baz happy. It’s… well it’s bloody lovely.) I smile back and we keep holding hands all throughout the ride. 

*Baz’s POV*

Snow seems to be keen on torturing me. On all of the rides so far, he’s held my hand bone-breakingly hard. (Although it doesn’t hurt because I can’t really feel the pain. All I feel is his warmth in my cold hand.) He only lets go once we’re off the rides, and even then it seems reluctantly. After all these years of fighting, being friends with him seems so natural. I try not to think too hard about how it will all go back to normal by morning. Aleister Crowley, I wish we could stay this way forever. 

The sun is setting now, but the carnival goes on until sunrise. Well, I suppose that’s not totally true. The Normals leave around 11 and then the Watford students spell the gates unlocked after, staying in until daybreak. Only four more hours until the Normals leave.

Simon turns to me, smiling a lopsided and bashful smile. “I’m kind of hungry…” He mutters, a grin on his face the whole time. I roll my eyes good naturedly. (Who would’ve thought that was possible?) 

“You’re always hungry, you git,” I sigh and prompt him to walk forward. “Go on then, Snow. Let’s get you some atrociously fried food.” Somehow, his face lights up even more as he grabs my hand again (I feel sparks every time we touch) and drags me to the nearest food stand. (Can you even call it food?) Simon orders one big ‘funnel cake’ and a corn dog. Both fried. Both bound to make him sick on the rides. When we get the food, he drags me along to an open bench to sit down. He places the corn dog in front of me and the cake in front of him. I simply shake my head and push the dog to sit in front of him. (What I would give for a real dog right now. I’m not very hungry for blood, but I wouldn’t pass it up.)

He furrows his brow and pushes the food back to me, along with some ketchup. “Eat.” He says it simply, like it’s a command. I roll my eyes, but (reluctantly) dip the corn dog in ketchup and then take a bite. It’s… well it’s not the bloody worst thing I’ve ever had. Crowley, it might actually be good. I suppose I’ve never had anything fried. It’s frowned upon at the Pitch manor. But this isn’t half bad. I cover my mouth as I take another, bigger bite. When I look up from my plate, Simon is smirking to himself while absolutely shoveling food into his mouth. 

I must look disgusted because he looks up at me and asks (with his mouth full), “What?” I laugh and roll my eyes again. It’s like watching a dog eat. A dog that I’d like to slip the tongue. 

“You’re disgusting,” I shake my head and look away from his face before I do something stupid. Like spit on him and then lick it all off and kiss him. Yes, that would most certainly not be smart. I cover my mouth with my hand again as I take another bite, trying to chew around my fangs. But before I can even swallow, Simon gently (I never thought Simon could ever do anything gentle to me) pulls my hand away from my mouth and holds it there. There aren’t butterflies in my stomach. Vampires don’t get butterflies. We’re immortal and dangerous and badarse. I have bats in my stomach.

“Baz, you know you don’t have to do that here. No one else is paying attention,” Does that mean that he’s paying attention? “It’s just me. Eat how you want.” He shrugs, pulling his hand away from mine after a moment, blushing furiously. He is so bloody adorable when he blushes. Damn it all to hell.

I don’t cover my mouth again as I keep eating and he smiles at me. I can feel his magic wrap all around me as we eat together in silence. Not in a threatening, burning way like usual… it’s warm. Safe. 

“What ever is the bloody appeal to that fried… mess that you’re eating, Snow?” I break the silence. He looks up at me, eyes practically bulging out of his head. “What?” I inquire.

“You’ve never had a funnel cake?” I shake my head.

“Um, no. I don’t fancy getting vampire diabetes anytime soon.” He lets out a laugh (I realize too late that I’ve just admitted to being a vampire… but he doesn’t seem to care) and pushes his plate to me, gesturing at the powdered mess. 

“Try it! It’s delicious, Baz. Just one bite,”

“I, um… I think not,” He rolls his eyes and gets a small bite of the monstrosity on his fork. 

“Open.” He commands.

“Er, Snow-”

“Open!” He commands with a laugh. I sigh, because I know that he won’t relent anytime soon. I open my mouth ever so slightly. I know he sees my fangs because his eyes go a bit wider and he mutters, “Wicked…” I try to ignore the urge to snap my mouth shut as he puts the food in my mouth. It tastes like… well it tastes like right diabetes, doesn’t it? But powdered sugar covered, fried to perfection diabetes. 

“Crowley, Snow! This is delicious!” I snatch the plate from him and start eating at a Simon-Snow-pace, manners well from my mind now. He frowns, so I quirk an eyebrow at him.

“Well, Baz, since we’ve decided to put everything behind us… I ‘spose you shouldn’t call me by my last name anymore, yeah?” He fidgets with his fingers as he says it. Calling him Simon seems so… personal. Too personal for enemies-turned-one-night-friends. But I suppose I could have a bit of fun with this. Before I can say anything, he blurts out, “And not Chosen, either.”

“Right. Well then… where to next, love?” He takes in a breath and turns bright red, tripping over every other word. For a moment, I think I’ve done the wrong thing, but once he gets a hold on himself, he just smiles at me and nods. 

“Okay, Baz. Very funny. ‘Least it’s better than Snow or Chosen.” I can’t believe he’s letting me call him love. 

*Simon’s POV*

I can’t believe that I’m letting him call me love. I can’t believe that I liked it when he called me love. I don’t know why I want him to do it again. I get up from my seat and throw our trash away, trying to calm myself down away from Baz’s watchful eye. When I get back to our table, he’s standing up and waiting for me while adjusting his jacket. 

“Come on then, Sn-” He stops himself before he can finish, turning a little pink. “Love. I’ve got the next place to go to.” I smile and grab his hand, letting him lead me to our next adventure. In some ways, I’m happy that Penny and Agatha couldn’t make it. I’m glad that I get to spend time with Baz alone. (When did I start wanting alone time with my enemy?) 

When we finally stop, he takes his hand back. (For reasons I’m not willing to think about right now) I feel my heart fall when he does. We’re in the line for the Ferris Wheel. It’s nearly time for the Normals to start heading out; they’re walking out of the carnival and the Magicians have started spelling the workers to keep the place up and running after the Normals leave. When we get up to the front of the line, the man working the ride let us on in the two seater. The Ferris Wheel is so tall that the seats should probably be enclosed, but it’s a carnival, so no one is surprised. 

Baz and I squeeze in next to each other, and not one single part of our bodies other than our heads aren’t touching. From our toes to our shoulders, I can feel an electric current running through my veins. My heart is beating wildly. I don’t exactly know why- it’s just Baz. My enemy/friend for one night. Although, I’m trying not to think too hard about the one night part. In fact, I’m trying not to think about anything right now, really. Just how safe I feel at the moment, and how lovely Baz has been tonight. It almost hurts, knowing that this is how we could’ve spent all those years. As friends instead of mortal enemies. Then again, that wasn’t really our choice in the first place. 

But it is tonight. As we slowly climb higher and higher, the carnival gets much quieter. Much calmer than when the Normals were here. The air is filled with magic. I can feel Baz’s magic wrapping around me, and the night sky is thick with everyone else’s. Everything is flying every which way and sparks from wands are everywhere. But what might be most beautiful is the neon lights all around us. Once it got dark, everything started lighting up, but not so bright that we can’t see the stars at the top of the Ferris Wheel. It’s beautiful. I can’t help but lean into Baz, resting my head on his shoulder. 

Maybe it’s just me, but I think I can hear his heart beating. It’s not long before I feel his head resting on top of mine. His hair tickles my ears, but I can’t find it in myself to mind. I don’t mind anything right now. Crowley, I think that the Humdrum himself could pop up right now and I wouldn’t give a bloody rats’ arse. 

I slowly bring my head up, and when I look over at Baz, he’s blushing. “Sorry, Snow- er, Simon. I mean, um…” He sounds like me, tripping over his words. Ignoring the way that my heart leapt into my throat when he called me Simon, I stop him. 

“Baz, no. I just… well I was wondering why we were never friends like this before.” I feel my face burn, but I just need to know the answer. I need to know why we weren’t ever like this when Merlin it’s been so wonderful tonight.

He looks at me with his stormy eyes as he says, “You know why. My family, they… well, you know, Simon.” There he goes calling me Simon again. He looks away, but I catch his face with my fingers. We’re stopped at the top now; we can see everything from up here. But all I find myself wanting to look at is Baz. 

“Screw your family.” He looks taken aback, and I must admit, I’ve surprised myself, too. I don’t know where this courage came from. I’m not drunk. (Well, maybe a bit. Maybe drunk on Baz.)

“Simon, I-”

“Stop calling me Simon.” I state simply. Stop calling me Simon or I’m going to do something stupid. 

He pauses for a moment, looking into my eyes like he wants to memorize every ordinary colour there. 

“Simon.” He whispers.

*Baz’s POV*

I don’t know why I called him Simon again. Maybe because he’s looking at me hungrily, and Crowley, I want to know what he’ll do. Maybe because if it makes him mad… I’ll get to kiss him before he sends me flying. Maybe, if he screams at me for calling him by his name, I’ll finally get what I want. 

Then he kisses me. I don’t waste any time floundering or pulling away. Instead I automatically pull him closer, deepening the kiss. Merlin, Methulusah and Morgana nothing has ever felt this nice. He’s doing this thing with his jaw, and his hands are roaming under my shirt and in my hair and I can barely even think, and-

Someone clears their throat loudly. “The ride is over, gentlemen.” Simon and I spring away from each other and look at the ride operator. I just got into trouble for snogging Simon Snow on the Ferris Wheel. Aleister Crowley, I’m living a charmed life. I feel Simon shaking with laughter as he clambers (really clambers- he’s as graceful as a hippo) out of the seat and extends his hand out to help me up. 

“Coming, love?” I smile at him so hard that my cheeks hurt. (Probably because I’m not used to smiling.) I nod and grab his hand, letting him help me out. Instead of pulling his hand away this time, he laces his fingers through mine and takes off running with me as we shoot down the nearly barren walkways. Magicians all around look at us with curiosity, but I can’t find it in me to care. As we run, my jacket billows behind me and Simon keeps tripping… but it’s perfect.

It’s like a slow motion scene from those movies. The one where the couple is running away from their troubles together, like nothing else matters. They’re smiling and laughing, and the one in front turns back to look at the one behind them, all of the love in the world in their eyes. It’s like that, but so much bloody better because it’s gay. And anything with Simon Snow in it is infinitely better in my book. 

We finally get to a man with a large old-timey polaroid camera stood up and Simon places two pounds in his hand. He drags me up in front of the camera and pulls me down to his level and smashes his face against mine, as though we were in a photo booth. The camera snaps. For the next one, he presses his lips warmly against my cheek and waits for the camera to snap again. Then, he (without my knowledge or permission) (although he could kill me now, and he’d have my permission) jumps up into my arms and nuzzles his face into my neck, closing his eyes. I’m supposed to be looking at the camera, but I can only keep my eyes on him. Finally, for the last picture, he hops down from my arms. As he goes to do a pose beside me, he (somehow) trips over himself and ends up grabbing onto my jacket collar, pulling me towards him. We land in a breathtaking kiss, him still pulling me ever closer, and me too stunned to do anything but let him. 

When the camera snaps, he springs away and  goes to retrieve the photos from the man. Simon has more energy than a labrador right now. I’d like to think it was from kissing me, but it might just be from the overall craziness of the night. For a moment, he slows, taking my hand and pulling me close so that I can see the photos, too. They all turned out lovely, even if he did nearly knock me over in the process multiple times. He looks up at me now, and he walks backwards, taking me with him. (He tucks the photos away in my jacket pocket.) 

When we get behind a tent, he pulls me to him again, snogging me like there’s no time left. There is no way that things will ever go back to the way they were after this. 

*Simon’s POV*

We’ve been having a proper snog now for at least twenty minutes. My heart is… well it feels like it’s been lit on fire, doesn’t it? (In a wonderful way, that is.) His mouth is soft and cold and I can’t help it when I lean back and tell him something that I’m not even sure I knew myself. “I love you, Baz.” His face glows and he looks at me as though he’s always been hungry for my touch. (And my touch only.)

“Crowley, you dolt. I’ve loved you since fifth bloody year.” He laughs before pulling me back in to get lost in him again. 

…

We spend the rest of the night on a hill near the back of the carnival either snogging or talking. He’s laying down right next to me, and I’m practically on top of him. We should’ve been like this all these years. It only took us until graduation to figure it out.

“Hey Baz?” He traces the moles on my face while I run my hand on his stomach. (In just a short time, I’ve learned that it’s one of his favorite places to be touched.)

“Yes, Simon?” I smile when he calls me by my name again. So much better than Snow or Chosen. (Although ‘love’ might be a close second.)

“Thank you,”

“For what?”

“For… for giving me a night away from everything. For escape,” He frowns. 

“What?” I ask as I place a kiss to his jaw. 

“Is that all this is? Are we… will this be over by tomorrow?” I can’t help but let out a laugh.

“Not by a long shot, my love… not by a long shot.” 

*Baz’s POV*

I understand now why my father wanted me to come to the carnival. This will undoubtedly be my favorite memory in years to come. I also understand the name of the carnival now. ‘Golden Days’.

The definition of Golden Days is “a period of great happiness, prosperity, and achievement.’ These are the golden days, the bad and all. Simon Snow is my golden day. 

Fourty Years Later

“Simon, love!” I call down to him from the attic. In a few minutes, he comes climbing up the stairs as fast as he can. He may not have his magic anymore, but he’s still fit for an old man. I suppose we’re both old men, now. He’s just an old man with a tail and wings. 

“Yes, Baz?” I stand up (not as agile as I used to be) and walk over to him, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of his face. 

“Look at what I found, dear…” I give him the pile of polaroids that I found in a crate. “From the carnival so many years ago.” He smiles wistfully at the pictures. We were both young, then- no wrinkles or worry lines. (Although he is still dashing in his old age.) In the polaroids, we were at a carnival called ‘Golden Days’, I believe.

“Yes, I remember…” He mutters more to himself than me. I know he doesn’t remember. Dementia does that to a person. But that’s okay. As the years went on and the colours of wanderlust started fading… so did Simon. But there are some things that have remained. The memories will never change, for one. We’ve stayed absolutely drunk on each other, throughout our lives. I’ve stayed pale, and Simon has stayed bloody handsome. The love has remained the same. And even though Simon doesn’t remember half of our memories… I’ll keep them alive. I’ll keep him alive. The him that was so alive and so full of wonder. 

I will never forget the golden days that changed my life forever.

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