#Random Things You Didn't Know

[maerhiya]

in regards to the constant dismissal of his aroace identity, i hate it when alastor 'fans' say and use the excuse: "he's fictional, he won't get offended."

like, you're right, but it can and will offend us.

when you see yourself being represented on screen, of course you'd feel enthusiastic about it — representation allows individuals to see themselves reflected in the media they consume, validating their identities and experiences. but when so many people take that representation and decide to disregard and discard it, it is so fucking frustrating. we finally have another character to be part of the tiny amount of representation we have, but then people don't even care about how much it means to us? like yeah, alastor won't get offended because he's not real, but it frustrates and annoys us. do you realize that it's also technically invalidating the aroace community? that you're invalidating our feelings? imagine feeling like you're finally being seen because your orientation is finally being represented in media, and people just decide to blatantly ignore, discard, and invalidate it.

media has such a powerful influence on real life, representation being a prevalent factor of it. there are numerous posts that dictate how people went to watch a movie/show or read a book just because a character depicts their identity in it — obviously, being represented is an incredibly uplifting and validating experience.

which is why seeing an aroace character in a popular show is so meaningful to us because we live in a world where romance and sex are literally everywhere and prioritized above all else. (and it's pretty obvious that alastor's on the repulsed end of the spectrum, but even if he wasn't, at least make an effort to acknowledge his sexuality instead of continuing to portray him as allo; aroace folks can be in relationships but it's not going to be the same thing with allos' experiences.)

any and every representation matters, but why does that seem to stop at people under the aroace spectrum? like y'all can't even let us appreciate the scraps of representation we have. we barely have any, so are we really that dramatic for being upset at how people easily disregard and dismiss our identities that are being depicted on screen just like that? is it truly wrong of us to want to defend and maintain the little representation we have?

#like imagine if i asked you ab your fav character and then i said i hated them and proceeded to insult them #wouldn't that irritate you even just a bit and maybe even come to their defense? #like why would you be offended when they're not even real lmaoo #they're fictional and won't get offended but if you love that character then YOU might feel offended and maybe even defend them #ok now take that situation and put it into this context #except it's much more meaningful bc it's about representation #just a random thought #i'm not against shipping him or finding him attractive (bc same LMAO) or the fanart btw #i just hate it when people use bs excuses to justify their obvious dismissal & indifference towards aro/ace rep #like at least acknowledge his identity :(( #sorry for the long ass rant and if some parts don't make sense i'm not in the best mood rn lol #and i've been wanting to get this off my chest for a while #didn't know double standards were a thing when it came to representation.... #but here we are #alastor #aroace alastor #aroace #asexual #aromantic #asexuality #aromanticism #arospec #aspec #alastor hazbin hotel #aromantic alastor #asexual alastor #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel alastor #aroacespec #queer

[sacchiri]

Hellsing 2002 calendar illustration.

Ein wunderliche und erschröckliche Hystori von einem großen Wüttrich genant Dracole wayda Der do so ganz unkristenliche marrter hat angelegt die mensche, als mit spissen als auch die leut zu Tod geslyffen

A wondrous and frightening story about a great berserk called Dracula the voivode who inflicted such unchristian tortures such as with stakes and also dragged people to death

#hellsing #alucard #kouta hirano #translation was found in a comment by u/lazyfoxheart on r/Kurrent #fun fact this is the highest quality version of this image that exists online #i know because i've been looking forever for a version that's clear enough to actually read what hirano wrote under '1443' #but there weren't any so i had to take matters into my own hands #the real image on the back of the guidebook is only 2 inches tall so i had to take this with my smartphone and will my hands not to shake #anyway i'm pretty sure it's supposed to say Eğrigöz (the location vlad was imprisoned) so yeah. thank you hirano very cool #if i might rant for a sec it took me an embarrassingly long time to figure that out because i didn't have the guidebook at first #and in the images i could find online that part was just a blur that looked suspiciously like a person's signature and i was like. who tf #i was thinking matthias corvinus since he issued some political propaganda against vlad iirc but it didn't match his signature on wikipedia #then i thought it might be vlad II dracul's since he probably had to sign an agreement to send his sons over as hostages at some point #but that didnt seem right either so i kept skimming vlad's wiki page #and then i was like goddammit...hirano.....you just misspelled Eğrigöz didn't you.. .... #i maybe should've made a separate post dedicated to this instead of writing a novel in the tags but eh #the hellsing brainrot runs deep #also- i put it in the source link at the bottom of the post but the german inscription is copied off a real woodcut of vlad from 1491 #except instead of depicting him as an adult hirano drew him as a child which gives the inscription a very different feel imo #the one final thing that interests me about this is the fact that hirano published this calendar in 2002 #which is REALLY early in the series. like this was before volume 5 came out?? #i have no idea why he decided to do a massive spoiler drop in a random piece of japan-only merch #sandwiched between a drawing of alucard as john travolta from saturday night fever and integra as a fish no less #it makes me really curious to know what the fan response to this was back then. like did people even know who this was #maybe im just an idiot and everyone back then was like 'ah yes its alucard as a 12 year old. how very informative'

[sassafrassrex]

oh my God i just tried out the tumblr mobile website on my phone's internet browser and holyshityouguys were you hiding this from me??

i just deleted the app fr

#holyshit I can mess with already-typed tags just like on desktop waaah?! 😂 #when people put links to other tumblr posts in their comments I can actually click them!! #I *can* turn off people's weird blog settings to make their blog readable! I didn't think you could do that on the mobile site but it's eas #WHY does anyone use the app?? #the only thing I can't seem to do is drag and rearrange tags anymore #but god knows that feature never seemed to work on the app either 🙄 #it just rearranged tags in random order so you'd spend way too long trying to fix them before giving up and rewriting #or maybe I just have thick fingertips and it's a skill issue but whatever #point is: zero buyer remorse this is so much better #it's a brave new world y'all 😆 #hellsite #game changer

[adhd-merlin]

Christian iconography? in my Merlin??

#it's more likely than you think #ok has anyone written meta about religion in merlin or #i don't mean based on historical facts #i mean literally based on merlin canon #because i'm fascinated #they didn't dwell too much on it (for understandable reasons) #but that scene where merlin talks to his mother and says “THE GODS will protect me”? #implying they're both polytheists #whereas arthur and gaius say things like “thank god” #i'm reading too much into things again probably #i just want to know if the writers gave it some thought even if it wasn't included in the show #i don't know shit about the introduction of christianity to britain but like #isn't it roughly around this time that it was gaining predominance over paganism (5th-ish century??) #so it's possible yeah? idk idk #i just wanna know if the writers thought about any of this #or if merlin mentioning “the gods” was just a random line #merlin #bbc merlin #ramblings #merlin meta #eta: pls read added meta in the reblogs! (not mine)

[front-facing-pokemon]

#gossifleur #angle where you can see more of their Them under the cut #didn't really know what to do with this one. their hair is covering most of their face and they're so weirdly shaped #it's definitely a pokémon i forgot about. let alone one that's gen 8. when i'm supposed to be the local gen 8 lover #i remember eldegoss. love that head puff bitch. but i forget about this thing #to me‚ for some reason‚ this thing looks like a single-stage no-evolution random motherfucker that everyone would forget about #but instead it's. a random two-stage evolution motherfucker that everyone forgets about #for some reason these things evoke fairy-type to me. just based on tpc's other decisions regarding grassy guys that end up fairy-types #this one looks like it'd be one of those. but i guess it's gen 8‚ by then the novelty of making everything a fairy-type had worn off

[secondbeatsongs]

Please elaborate on the Judy Blume fact

from the mid-00s to the early '10s, Random House had a website called "Random Buzzers", a place for kids and teens to talk about books

they had fun activities (short story contests, writing prompts, quizzes, etc), and for some of the activities, you got rewarded points, which you could then use to buy books in their online store.

it was a fun time! I really liked writing short stories and poems and stuff for the contests, and this wasn't like (afaik)...predatory? it wasn't something where the site was going to take these stories and use them later, it was just...for fun.

unfortunately, the site is down now, and with it all of the cool stories/art/poems/etc that people made. :/ but thankfully, I have most of my stuff backed up.

anyway! this site also had events where an author would join their discussion forum for a few days to answer a bunch of questions and talk with people. and one time they had Judy Blume join, and I got to chat with her a bit!

I talked about the books of hers I'd read, and showed a picture of my copy of Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret, and she told me that she was impressed I had a copy that was so old, and also that she'd always been annoyed with the cover art for that edition, because the cut of Margaret's dress made her look pregnant. xD

I also talked about how because I was homeschooled, I liked reading books about kids going to public school, because I would never know what that was like - and she said that made her wish she had written her books more descriptively, which I thought was sweet.

anyway, we had a nice talk, and she left the forum a couple days later, and that was that.

then, some time later, Judy Blume was at the national book festival, so I went, hoping that she would sign my book. and when I got up to the front of the autograph line, I said, "hi, I don't know if you remember me, but I talked with you once on random buzzers"

and...she did remember me! she knew my username, and that I was homeschooled, and she was excited that I had come to see her, and that she got to sign my book (even if it was a cover design she didn't like xD)

she just seemed really nice, and I'm glad to have had that experience.

#asks #haniawritesthings #judy blume #random buzzers #random house #personal #sbs polls #it's an interesting thing #as a kid I read #are you there god? it's me margaret #but I didn't end up reading her other book #then again maybe I won't #until I was an adult #and looking back - I almost feel like I would have related to that one more #I don't know if it's a gender thing or just what my childhood was like #they're both good books #and I really loved the margaret book #I just think maybe the second one would have hit home more for me #guess I'll never know

[lyxchen]

Soho, 1925 you say?

Don't you mean AZIRAPHALE AND CROWLEY THEY LIVE IN SOHO WHERE ARE THEY MY GUYS MY BEINGS MY BELOVED ANGEL AND DEMON COME ON WE'RE IN SOHO WHERE ARE THEY????????

#my thoughts when they wrote soho 1925 at the beginning of the giggle #can you tell that i'm rewatching? #look i didn't know soho was a part of london until i watched good omens so now the first thing i will associate with soho is good omens #anywaysssss #lea's random thoughts #doctor who #good omens #tw caps

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

You know, I'm glad that some of us take the step to embrace things that we like even if they're "cringe" or "objectively bad"

But perhaps we could take the next step forward and embrace the idea of reading into books/shows/movies/etc even if they don't seem deep. Perhaps we could understand that the two kinds of media aren't either "shallow and meaningless so you're weird and brainrotted to read into it" or "incredibly and profoundly deep in every way so if you don't analyze every single angle of the thing then you're brainrotted". Some media is deeper than others, but all I propose is that no matter how deep it seems it's acceptable to dig into the thing and take the media seriously instead of just assuming that because of ____ thing (such as target audience or how cringe it is) the media not deep and will never be deep and everything good about it happened on accident.

#fandom wank #i just be ramblin #I'm not putting this in any tags #I'm just frustrated that Sonic Prime is going to be remembered by the bulk of its fanbase/people who watched it as a shallow stupid badly #written kid's show where the only thing good about it that we can even consider was created on purpose and is deep is Sonadow #I'm frustrated that when people learned that sometimes the death note creators did things because it was cool and not because they were #planning for it to be some great symbolism that so many people jumped from 'death note is a masterpiece and every bit of it is meticulously #thought out the curtains are never blue' to 'pack it up guys! the curtains are just blue! Everything good about death note like that #profound relationship I like and the neat symbolism completely happened by accident and Ohba sucks as a writer otherwise' #I'm frustrated when I see people talk about 'a kid's show' as if it's not gonna be deep at all or written well *because #it's a kid's show and then turn around and complain that said show sucks and isn't deep at all (even if that's how they're choosing to look #at it and they could see the care put into the story if they didn't go into it assuming that it will be lesser and shallow and dumb based on #what it is) #I guess it's also just getting me on this random Wednesday the idea that the bulk of one's viewers determine the legacy of a piece of media‚ #no matter how close or far away they are from painting the media as it actually is or tries to bw #It's also just bleak (especially from a manga/anime standpoint) that if your work is considered profound and intellectual‚ then any reveal #of something not being deep is grounds for people to completely swap how they think of your work and how they see you as a writer #And any work that's considered 'not actually that deep' from the getgo ends up with people only engaging with it seriously saying stuff like #'I know nothing about it is purposeful or deep but I like it' #and just ends up with prevailing opinion putting down anything percieved as 'good' or 'profound' about the work as a complete fluke

[allthoseotherworlds]

It's honestly pretty frustrating sometimes how I feel like so many people say they love Martha, but mostly what I actually see people saying about Martha is how much she probably does/should hate the Doctor for not returning her crush, or sometimes how much people hate Blink/Family of Blood/Last of the Time Lords because they were hard for her.

And like, the former of those is frustrating because a) Nobody is obligated to return someone's romantic feelings, b) Being oblivious to someone having a crush on you might suck for the other person but is not actually a moral failing and c) Martha was sad about it but like. She didn't leave because she was furious at the Doctor for not returning her crush? She left because she knew her crush wasn't reciprocated and wasn't going to be, but couldn't get over it on her end while travelling with the Doctor. And also because the past year had been pretty traumatizing for everyone, including her and also the Doctor and also everyone else who was on that ship thing.

Anyways

I just wanted to talk for a bit about the things I like about Martha, or that are interesting, that are unrelated to those points above.

I think she's the first companion in New Who to join Unit, and I think still the only one to be a medical doctor with a strong scientific backing. Which is cool!

I think it's interesting that in the first episode she appears in, her family is shown to be kind of messy and kind of frustrating, and it feels like that's something she's a little glad to be getting away from for a bit when she travels with the Doctor (though it's not the reason she travels with them). And then, at the end of the season when her family is in danger she prioritizes their wellbeing enough to snap at the Doctor about it. If I remember correctly their phones were tapped or something and it wound up making things a bit worse, but I appreciate the nuances of her relationship with them and how important they are to her despite the messiness.

Despite all the ado made about her crush on the Doctor, I really loved how she really seemed to get the point of travelling with the Doctor. I think that she nailed both the joy and excitement of the unknown, and the compassion and sense of care that motivates the Doctor's travels, and which I think is vital to all of my favourite companions.

It also contrasts in interesting ways with how her personality shifts after she stops travelling with the Doctor - she still cares about people's wellbeing and seems to value the things she learned while travelling, but working with Unit and Torchwood does make her more military, and then of course doing freelance alien fighting (? or something?) in the End of Time.

I think Martha and the Doctor are an interesting duo because they contrast each other in interesting ways. They're both compassionate, hopeful but practical, and good at what they do, but they reflect those qualities in ways that almost, but don't quite, fit together nicely. They don't conflict, really, but they're not quite sustainable either.

They work well together and care about each other, but they're too similar in some ways and too different in others to ever quite see eye to eye, which is why they end up going in different directions. And I think that's not anyone's fault, or indicative of any deep flaws in either of them. Or even really a tragedy, because Martha seems to be doing new and interesting things every time we see her, with plenty of options available and a decent rapport with the Doctor whenever they show up.

Anyway this got way longer than I meant it to. Tldr: There are so many more interesting things to say about Martha than just "She must hate the Doctor". Here are some of them.

#Also I didn't have room here but. I understand hating the family of blood stuff but. John Smith is not the Doctor. That's the whole point #John Smith is absolutely rude to Martha and I dislike him as a person. But he is also not the Doctor #And I absolutely do not believe that the Doctor handpicked the persona and went “Yeah. Making him rude and racist and like guns” #I think they just got out the chameleon arch and said #“Here's the time and location that gives us the best shot at avoiding the family of blood. Give me and Martha random identities. Thanks” #That said it's actually not an episode I particularly like so I don't know why I'm rambling about it here #I get anxious about things where characters are Not Themselves and being rude and mean in ways they aren't #And also found the ending a little Too Much personally #Anyways I'm just monologuing now #Doctor Who #Doctor Who Meta #Martha Jones #I am talking #I am just some guy (gender neutral) #This post brought to you by another person joking about how Martha is so strong for putting up with the Doctor because of the crush stuff #And me as an aromantic not enjoying the implication that I am something to put up with and that the most interesting thing anyone can say #about a dynamic between two people is how much it sucks that one of them didn't know the other had a crush and 'led them on' #or whatever. But just ranting about that again didn't feel constructive so I tried to say more interesting things instead

[waytooinvested]

Fandom creators tag game

1. What sort of content do you create, and what is the thing you’ve made that you’re most proud of? Mostly I write fanfiction. Sometimes I make little needle felted character dolls. Over all proudest is probably still The Hands I Used to Touch (Call the Midwife), but for my current fandom (Supergirl) it's Forgotten, Not Forgiven, as that is my latest big project and home to all the fluffy supercorp that I need in my life (okay not in the published chapters but IT WILL BE EVENTUALLY I PROMISE)

2. What fandom(s) do you create for? Right now just Supergirl, and I have only written three fics for that one so far (but hopefully more to come!) Before that it was Call the Midwife.

3. What is your current favourite ship (or brotp if you prefer), and how controversial is it? Supercorp, ie Kara/Lena for Supergirl (I know, I’m so quiet about it on this blog you would never have guessed). It occupies an interesting space of being simultaneously entirely non controversial in that it is by far the biggest ship I have ever engaged with, while also being extremely divisive, both within and beyond fandom spaces. But I arrived here LONG after most of that had happened, and am now just happily playing in the sandpit of creative space while the bones of drama stay *mostly* buried. Always a bit of a shock when one rises up to try and kick down your sandcastle though (yes, I am aware that that is a mildly horrifying visual)

4. For your answer to question 3, are they canon? They are not (TECHNICALLY), but there is enough raw material in canon to build The São João Baptista, and that is enough for me. That and the 21,302 (and counting) fics with their relationship tag on AO3.

5. What was your first fandom, and how old were you? The first I actually engaged with other fans over was Call The Midwife in my early 20s, and that was because I snapped after seeing one too many tv lesbians get hit by a car.

6. What is your most unhinged fandom creation to date? Unhinged is not really my brand so I don't really have anything good for this one. Is Kara gets accidentally miniaturized unhinged? Or a bait and switch Lena "villain" arc? I think probably not really to either, but that's the closest I've got for this fandom so far...

7. Do you remember what started you off creating fandom content, and if so, what was it? The aforementioned incident between Delia and a car, which left her with amnesia and taken away to Wales mere moments after she and Patsy had moved in together. But I’m over it. Honest.

8. Do you let people you know in real life see your fandom creations? Not usually, I get shy about it. The exceptions are my wife (but we met via fandom so that one maybe doesn’t count) and on occasion my best friend, who talked me round by being an enthusiastic sweetheart.

9. How do you feel about fanworks of fanworks? Has anyone ever made something based on a thing you made? A few people have made fan art for my fics and it felt like the absolute highest compliment that could be paid to my writing. It was amazing to know that something I wrote meant enough to people to inspire them to go and create their own thing from it, and I loved getting to see other people’s takes on the version of the characters/story I had created. I think it's one of the best things about fandom communities! But I do understand why other people might feel differently about something they have poured so much of themselves into making, so I guess the main thing is trying to be respectful with it, crediting the source, and accepting people's boundaries. Basically I think we should all just be kind to each other and have fun.

10. What feeling do you most often try to evoke with your creations? I'm generally seeking my own catharsis through writing fix-it fic for painful things that happened in canon, so I guess a certain amount of pain followed by the eventual fluffy feel good satisfaction of resolution, but honestly I consider it a win if I can evoke a whole spectrum of emotions along the way.

11. Has someone ever paid your work a compliment (in any form) that has stuck with you, and what was it? Someone once liked my fic so much that she married me about it, so it’s hard to beat that haha. But on a more usual level, people making fanart for my fic was a HUGE one. And also just when people have left particularly in depth comments, commented on every chapter, told me they're rereading or that a fic of mine was their favourite etc... Basically just knowing that something I made has really meant something to someone gives me all of the warm fuzzy feelings, and I am very grateful to each and every person who has taken the time to tell me so!

12. What’s your favourite thing someone else has made that you’ve seen in the last 24 hours (and link it if you can find it again!) Originally I had the bouquet toss ficlet by @fazedlight here, because it just captures the characters so beautifully, but then I left this sitting in my drafts and it is now more than 24 hours ago that I saw it, so I'll add this adorable art by @awaitingrain, because LOOK AT IT! They are so cute??! Also I relate to gentle nomming as a display of affection XD

13. Give a small sneak preview of something you’re working on right now (eg a couple of sentences of fic from a WIP, a gif set theme, a small piece of a larger picture, whatever you feel happy to share) "Lena Luthor was dangling from the side of a cliff, nothing between her and the vast chasm of space below but the small jutting nodule she was clinging to to keep from falling.

How the hell had she ended up here?

Well. She knew how of course.

Kara Danvers was how."

14. Have you ever seen/read anything made by the person who tagged you? If so, what was it and what was your favourite thing about it? (pick a favourite if there are several) SO MANY!! it’s hard to pick a favourite of hers honestly because she is a RIDICULOUSLY good writer, but I’m going to go with The Next Best Thing by @cynicalrainbows. I don’t tend to read many kidfics but this one is the absolute best I have come across, she captures the child perspective fantastically well while also being incredibly engaging and entertaining to an adult reader. It is what successfully pulled me into reading Six fanfic despite (at that point) never having seen the musical. Even if you haven’t either, I wholeheartedly recommend checking it out. Or go and read her new Paperdolls fic and help grow that fandom, which I think currently has all of two people in it!

15. Do you leave comments on fandom works, and if so how would you describe your comment style? I do! I know how much I love it when people do it for me, so I try to leave comments on every chapter of the fics I read (or add tag notes for tumblr art/fic reblogs), and give specifics about what I like about it. Sometimes I just fully liveblog the fic reading experience, which is always fun. I also find it makes you engage and appreciate the work more because you’re taking your time to really think about it, AND it makes an author happy to receive (at least so I hope), which makes me happy.

16. How many works in progress do you currently have? Will you finish them all? Not counting a couple of dump documents of ideas and snippets, technically 3, I guess? One is Forgotten, Not Forgiven (Supergirl) which is my big one and will definitely be finished. The others are less certain – Storybooks and Siren Suits (Call The Midwife) is the one kidfic I have ever written, and is both my longest story at 151,020 (published) words, and also the one I am least likely to finish, because it has been stuck on the same chapter for around 3 years now. The other is Small Problem… (Supergirl) which could be counted as a finished oneshot, but I will probably end up adding further Adventures of Tiny Kara at some point.

17. what’s the longest it’s ever taken you to finish a fandom project?Well, see above re: 3 year stall on new updates. For actually fully finished and published stories I think it was around 6 months.

18. Describe the thing you made most recently in a way that is technically true, but also completely misleading. Link the thing if it’s published! Lena discovers Kara in Lex’s bed, then decides to lure her into friendship under false pretenses. Alex helps her do it. Forgotten, Not Forgiven.

19. Do you ever engage with fanworks for a fandom you’re not in? Which one(s) and how did you get into it? See above re: getting into fanfiction for Six!

20. Recommend a fan work from your fandom to your followers That’s tough because there are so many amazing ones, but I think I will go with I Guess I Live Here Now by @fabulousglitch, because it was both the first fic I really got into for supercorp and also contained everything I wish the characters could have had in canon. I know I am several years late to the party so if you are in the supercorp fandom you have probably already read it, but if you haven’t read it GO READ IT, IT’S SO GOOD!

Suggested tag list, but there are no rules here, follow your heart.

A mutual you have never actually spoken to but think seems cool @nottawriter

The most recent person whose content you engaged with (eg read a fic, reblogged art, whatever form you feel best fits) @sideguitars (and I still owe you a comment on AO3 for that!)

Someone whose content you saw via tags/reblogs and you followed them because of it @sssammich

Someone in your fandom that you think makes cool things @fazedlight

Someone in a different fandom that you think makes cool things @havaamina

Someone you always tag on things like this @cynicalrainbows

Someone you have never tagged before @thatonebirdwrites

Someone you would like to get to know better @thecasualqueer

Someone who makes art you like @pea-green (I don't know if you still do fandom drawing/writing these days, but your commissioned art is still up in my house/in my profile picture and I love it so much)

Someone who writes fics you like @fabulousglitch

#tag game #fanfic writing #fandom creators #I have only been here a couple of months so the number of people I could actually claim to *know* on any level in this fandom is tiny #So if I have tagged you and you have no interest in being tagged in things by random unfamiliar internet strangers #please accept this as the compliment it is intended as and feel free to ignore it! #If you ARE interested in being tagged in things by random internet strangers and decide to play the game #please tag me so I can see your answers! #And if I didn't tag you but you would like to play anyway please feel free to name me as your tagger if you want to :)

[magentagalaxies]

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#i should've just gatekept scott thompson from my college bc the way my college is treating me right now is bullshit #like i don't even want to do the scott event anymore bc of how they're treating me but i kind of have to #and i know i should be grateful they're even letting me be one of the interviewers but i hate being a student so much #i hate how nobody respects my opinion or input or experience even tho i'm literally the reason scott's even doing this event #(and ESPECIALLY the reason he's willing to do it for free!!) #and it especially stings bc scott has never made me feel like my insights were worth less because i'm a student #like he's always been one of the few people who consistently treat me like we're equals even tho he doesn't have to #and the way my college is treating me. it's like they don't trust me to not be an annoying little kid #like they're just assuming scott doesn't respect me so they don't have to respect me either #i mean on the plus side i'm supposed to have another phone call with scott either today or tomorrow so i can probably explain the situation #like i don't want to make him feel negatively about my college i want him to have a good time #but this treatment is genuinely fucking with my self confidence #and also maybe i can harness scott's power to hear ''don't talk about this thing'' and immediately make the interview all about this thing #(except in this case it would be him treating me like an equal instead of a random student) #and there's a bunch of bullshit currently going on with the class i have right after the event #so even tho originally i was like ''awesome i have the perfect schedule to bring scott to all of my classes!!'' #i might just ask scott if he wants to skip class together and hang out. like i never promised that class anything #the only thing i *have* to do is the interview. the class we'd be skipping is already being like #''oh are you sure scott wants to visit the class i don't want to take him away from a better use of his time'' #and scott was genuinely excited to see what my classes were like!! even if y'all didn't treat him like a big celebrity!! #but y'know what i'm sure scott does have a better use of his time. and i do too. #i'm gonna do the interview event bc i have to (we're in too deep at this point) #and i might ask scott if he wants to talk to that freshman film class about the buddy cole doc #bc 1. they offered to pay scott for that (they can't legally pay me but that's why i made the joke about money laundering) #2. since it's about the doc it's the one class where i get to be treated like an actual person #but other than that. damn it i was excited to share this part of my life with scott but fuck that this part of my life sucks #i'm gonna have a good time with scott in boston and my college is only going to be as much a part of is as they have to be #because we ARE friends (scott said so!) and i AM a brilliant filmmaker (bruce said so!) and i DO have potential (bellini said so!) #even tho it is hard to internalize those things after how much yesterday fucked me up. but that's ok scott will call again soon

[franeridan]

i KNOW that oda is aware he's drawn some extremely gorgeous ladies since he obviously does that on purpose (though i believe he's unaware of just how beautiful some ladies he's drawn that stray too far from his usual model are), but I'm, like, pretty much convinced he has absolutely no clue he's also drawn some of the most good looking manga dudes out there. I'm sure he has no idea. He puts down lines and then he's like "???? why are people so obsessed with this guy he has barely shown up ever????" while we're all sitting here going heart eyes or whatever. It's been twenty-six years maybe it's time for him to get on with the program. It's like his experience with benn and ace in the very beginning taught him absolutely nothing

#all due respect to benn's actor in the la but he's the reason why I'm sure oda knows nothing #benn is THE og one piece sexyman how could oda do that to him in the la #in the very first volumes he got submerged by questions about him and he was like “why do you guys love him so much” #cause you made him hot and cool oda keep up!!!! #but he has not kept up #tragic truly #does oda know mihawk is one of the hottest guys ever appeared on jump? #is he aware crocodile makes heads spin? #did he know what he was doing when he drew ace? sabo??? #zoro's post timeskip design????? #bet he drew smoker and didn't think he was doing something insane for even a minute.... #90% convinced he thought he was drawing just a random hobo when he drew shanks #didn't think twice about iceburg the absolute FREAK #i need to stop i could keep writing names for the rest of my tags space and still have a hundred left #i DO know he knows exactly what hes doing when he draws law though #im sure he had no plans for it but the moment he drew him the first time he was like oh 👀 this guy's gonna do numbers #AND HE WAS RIGHT #katakuri has me in pain btw i just know oda has no idea.... he thought he tricked us all with the whole mouth and eating thing....... #well jokes on you my man we're all freaks in this corner of the world!!!!

[isfjmel-phleg]

This is a personal post.

#random personal stuff #personal whining ahead feel free to ignore #I made the mistake of dipping into the folder of emails from That Man (which I've kept just in case) #just to see if I could take it I guess? which was a mistake #they're full of pretentious rambling and posturing and jargon to establish himself as The Authority #then they drip with flattery: he says I'm brilliant and have so much potential to live up to etc. etc. #but then the little jabs - and the big jabs - the condescending 'I know you can do this' #he would rip me apart in class until I quit speaking up because I was afraid #and then send me emails informing me that my participation grade was lowish and I needed to work on 'playing the game' #and tell me that I was free to disagree! but it had to be based on more than silence #as if he didn't know that he was the reason I shut down #you're not really free to disagree if disagreeing means you get mocked and belittled? #so I couldn't even protect myself from the verbal attacks because I had to provide him fodder for mockery or else get marked down #he made me apologize to a classmate for my 'reticence and impatience' during her presentation on a loaded topic #that I didn’t want to discuss my views on in front of him #and he was so so careful in those emails not to say the worst things but in class...! #and my replies were so subservient #I wouldn't bend on my views but I wanted approval so badly as if what scum like him thought actually mattered #it's over now he's not my problem I know it was not my fault #do I still want to scream at him? yes #do I still want to tell the VP of academic affairs (my old adviser/mentor) the whole story? yes (can't - pointless now) #anyway I am going to go do chores and move on with my day thank you for listening

[mellotronmkll]

cannot put into words how much finding out that women with autism being misdiagnosed with bpd is like a super common thing shook my entire understanding of everything I had experienced my whole life that was the real final nail in the coffin but it's crazy I somehow didn't know that until recently

#And like It Just So Happens #Anyway at this point...and now that my mother has started literally just sending me lists of all the traits that are obvious in hindsight a #things she missed and now is kicking herself I'm just like...well it's just like I'm documenting things and I really think once I just #have insurance you know . I've just been like What if I'm wrong for like a year now but to be honest #I think at this point after all the research I've done and discussions I've had it's like. There's no way bro #Like you have a multi page google doc of evidence #And like it's funny cos my mom will be sending me random texts out of the blue too like did I mention already the fact that you would #sit and study maps for hours as a kid and if anyone interrupted you you had a meltdown and I'm like well #But its like these texts constantly all day #And im like tbh you're going through the same realization process I went through but now you're also telling me things I forgot or didn't #even know that are just blasting any. Doubt of the water #But I think she feels guilty also that she never noticed and im just like shrug I don't know like #there's just many many many such cases so like #But its very helpful I was so scared to tell her about it for so long but apparently she'd been already wondering for ages too so like #And now she's also just like This makes so much sense it just makes everything make sense and I'm like see. That's what I'm thinking too

[girls-and-honey]

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#okay so random tag post even though it's been ages #me thinks the current place i work is actually decent a la accepting-queer-ppl so?? miiiiight. consider actually putting my #pronouns in my email signature (which hardly gets used but shh) but like. the actual ones not the society/people assume anyway ones #idk i attended a virtual tech focused event for trans dov (yes early but they didn't want to put the event on sun) and you know when #everyone is just sharing their stories and experiences and it's just like... an overwhelming sense of community? anyway that #and since it was hosted by a professional org the topics were all workplace focused and mayhaps that's something i'm thinking abt for #this year. at least within our pride group I might be ready? wild bc for a long time tumblr has been the only place I feel comfy being 100% #myself. but hearing real people's stories makes me feel like that kind of community would be nice to have elsewhere too #and the whole looking to others also turns around into the leading by example thing bc then we had some breakout groups at the end for #networking which is not my favorite but! i did my intro and said I use she/her for work but will use she/they for this group and #then the next person said he/him at work but for this group he/they so that made me wonder if it was bc of me saying so first? #which if it was is kind of like oh. the way I'm looking for those people for me.. I can also be that for someone else #anyway this sounds dumb typed out but irl/professional me has always separated out queer identity so it's new to me #i'm allowed to be giddy okay. just a little. as a treat (is tumblr still using 'as a treat' i really hope so) #oh shit is this what gender euphoria feels like #alright that's it for now i think #gah emotions and whatnot #missed you all btw i'll start actually being online again soon #personal

[lyxchen]

When you feel weird saying your favorite actors name out loud when talking to your parents or friends because it feels like it's going to reveal how deeply obsessed you actually are

#oh how often i have said to my parents #'it's a movie with that actor i like' #because i am afraid if i say 'david tennant' i will also add 'the prettiest most gorgeous funniest guy who is so lovely and if i met him i #would probably hyperventilate and i think about him probably too much because he's just an actor but also Look At Him!!' #you know #normal fangirl stuff #i have a theory that this is either some sort of weird ocd thing deep inside of me like how for a few months i was very afraid that people #could hear my thoughts and so i never allowed myself to think strange or very personal things with many people around #or this is because other people have made me feel like i can't talk about my interests because they're so intense that they find them #annoying #or it's because i don't want my parents to think i have a crush on him because i don't and also i'm gay so like no crush potential this is #completely different emotion which i can't explain especially not my parents so i'd rather they not find out how cool i think he is #but also they probaly know because they got me 10th doctor merch for christmas without me even asking for it and my mom also said that #she noticed that he's my favorite actor which is fine it's toatally fine i'm so cool about this #any so yeah anyways #didn't think i'd analize myself that much tonight but here we are #david tennant you have to honor of recieving the title of 'that one actor i like' which is much more important than it might sound #good night #lea's random thoughts