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#To cancerate is to grow into a cancer
unravelingwires · 6 months
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Cancerates
When you eradicate cancer, you have to take out healthy cells too. Chemotherapy consists of murdering cells in your body, taking advantage of the fact that cancer cells are more vulnerable while not actually stopping normal cells from being vulnerable. If you think about it, even the actual cancer cells are a part of you. They are your cells mutated, not some invading outside force. Smoking, radiation, and air pollution can all encourage mutations, but it’s your DNA that ultimately poses the problem.
The swastika started out a Hindu symbol. It’s still exceptionally common in India, where it was used religiously for centuries before the Nazis took it. Between that and Indian political parties using the hammer and sickle, I have practice scrutinizing the background of family photos to make sure nothing questionable has slipped in.
I’m the kind of person who stopped using the okay symbol when it became an alt-right dog whistle; I’m not saying anyone has a right to reclaim the swastika. I just think a lot about the fact that it was ours, first.
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kaijuno · 6 months
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Getting another mammogram today to check up on my tumor babies 💜
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therobotmonster · 24 days
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There's a nuance to the Amazon AI checkout story that gets missed.
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Because AI-assisted checkouts on its own isn't a bad thing:
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This was a big story in 2022, about a bread-checkout system in Japan that turned out to be applicable in checking for cancer cells in sample slides.
But that bonus anti-cancer discovery isn't the subject here, the actual bread-checkout system is. That checkout system worked, because it wasn't designed with the intent of making the checkout cashier obsolete, rather, it was there to solve a real problem: it's hard to tell pastry apart at a glance, and the customers didn't like their bread with a plastic-wrapping and they didn't like the cashiers handling the bread to count loaves.
So they trained the system intentionally, under controlled circumstances, before testing and launching the tech. The robot does what it's good at, and it doesn't need to be omniscient because it's a tool, not a replacement worker.
Amazon, however, wanted to offload its training not just on an underpaid overseas staff, but on the customers themselves. And they wanted it out NOW so they could brag to shareholders about this new tech before the tech even worked. And they wanted it to replace a person, but not just the cashier. There were dreams of a world where you can't shoplift because you'd get billed anyway dancing in the investor's heads.
Only, it's one thing to make a robot that helps cooperative humans count bread, and it's another to try and make one that can thwart the ingenuity of hungry people.
The foreign workers performing the checkouts are actually supposed to be training the models. A lot of reports gloss over this in an effort to present the efforts as an outsourcing Mechanical Turk but that's really a side-effect. These models all work on datasets, and the only place you get a dataset of "this visual/sensor input=this purchase" is if someone is cataloging a dataset correlating the two...
Which Amazon could have done by simply putting the sensor system in place and correlating the purchase data from the cashiers with the sensor tracking of the customer. Just do that for as long as you need to build the dataset and test it by having it predict and compare in the background until you reach your preferred ratio. If it fails, you have a ton of market research data as a consolation prize.
But that could take months or years and you don't get to pump your stock until it works, and you don't get to outsource your cashiers while pretending you've made Westworld work.
This way, even though Amazon takes a little bit of a PR bloody nose, they still have the benefit of any stock increase this already produced, the shareholders got their dividends.
Which I suppose is a lot of words to say:
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riverspond · 4 months
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peter capaldi is THE doctor like no one has ever doctered like him and no one will again
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anti-cosmofangirl · 4 months
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Betrayus and Pac from @ribbondee's "Twisted Fate" AU!
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doobea · 5 months
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a lil peek inside my head from the last 48 hours
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nose-coffee · 1 year
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Francesca by Hozier // Harrow the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir (pg. 436) // Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir (pg. 437)
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zabiume · 8 months
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like this is why i like ichihime so much, because orihime's main arc is all about adapting to her strengths and standing on her own two feet to protect someone while ichigo's is all about letting his guard down and letting someone protect him. it was so important for ichigo to acknowledge that (even though he didn't mean to) he did hurt her, and because he never meant to, he learns from his mistakes fairly quickly and regardless of how short that battle was, it was the sentiment that counted, the fact that he wanted her to not only be a part of his civilian life, but also his shinigami life, and that he wasn't shielding her from anything anymore because that's her job and he trusts her to do it
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ineed-to-sleep · 2 months
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One of the cruelest things in this world has to be having to choose between your pet's life and paying your bills
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grinchwrapsupreme · 1 year
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sitting here scanning through research papers about thymomas trying to figure out if Wilson could have had cancer the entire series because i’ve got problems
the answer is yes by the way
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laineystein · 3 months
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Just found out what happened at Memorial Sloan Kettering and I have to say that some people have serious brain rot to think it’s acceptable (or even reasonable/impactful?) to protest a hospital that is solely devoted to fighting cancer. Like, if that’s your stance and that makes sense to you, I pray for the swift return of your sanity and all of the brain cells that exited with it.
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on the cusp between childhood and adulthood, the sudden onset of grief when you weren’t in the room where it happened, and the impossible art of growing up in a very short time: or, why the princess of france from love’s labour’s lost means a lot to me personally
on the heels of reading as the princess of france with @socialshakespeare
heads up, the rest of this is going to get Very Long Very Quickly, so i’m putting it under a cut. tw for discussions of cancer, parental death, and grief.
so when @socialshakespeare announced that it would be doing love’s labour’s lost this month, in the box where you can put any additional notes about your casting preferences, i pretty much begged the admins to let me have a turn as the princess of france. y’know, i said, as a sort of twenty-first birthday present. and i was cast as the princess of france! thank you, socshakes! <3
but there was a very specific reason why i asked to play the princess of france.
and that reason is simply: she reminds me of me. more particularly, she reminds me of me from 2020, but me from 2020 was really the germination point of me today.
“savannah, everyone changed in 2020, 2020 was a fucking unbelievable year and it changed us all. it changed our whole world.” yeah. i’m well aware. but there’s a specific reason for me.
***
see, in early 2020, i was having a pretty decent time, actually. it was my senior year of high school, i had a great group of friends (much like the princess had her three ladies except my core friend group was bigger than that), things with my family weren’t great but i knew that come august i would be able to move out.
that first period of covid was awful and it changed so much and at times it felt like i was having a mental breakdown, but it wasn’t what ultimately ripped me apart that year.
you see, in 2018, about a month before my fifteenth birthday, my father was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer. for a good long while, though, it seemed like he might beat the odds. treatments were working, he went to one of the best hospitals in the country to get good care, and we believed that he just might make it.
and then in the summer of 2020, things rapidly took a turn for the worse.
on july 20, 2020, we all got sat down and told that the treatments weren’t working anymore, and they had elected to put my father on hospice care. i sobbed all that night and into the next morning, but i had a cashier job that summer at walmart. i was an essential worker and i had to power through.
in love’s labour’s lost, everyone knows even before the princess arrives that her father is extremely sick. for heaven’s sake, it’s why the princess is there in the first place instead of the king. and yet the princess powers through. there’s deals to be made, familial honor to be defended, and there’s also that tiny matter of falling in love and playing with the joy and laughter that come with it. and the princess embraces it.
she is young, she is optimistic, she is a bit sheltered maybe yet so smart, she has devoted friends, she has seemingly all the time in the world because no one knows when the time runs out so might as well believe it never will, right?
my high school graduation came five days later, on july 25. a rare opportunity to see friends then and, at long last, after a two-month delay and twelve years of study before that, a chance to celebrate. relatives came in. we had cake and flowers. we took photos on the soccer field in 90-degree weather but it didn’t matter because we were together and we were so full of joy on that blue-sky day.
and after that, only nineteen days until leaving. i had been counting the days for months, excited for new possibilities, not understanding the impact. it would be easy, i thought. all that needed done were to pack my bags and suitcases and buy some last-minute things, say my goodbyes for now to my favorite people, enjoy every moment i could, and wait in a haze of delightful agony and optimism until the morning of august 13 came.
this went as planned for about three days.
july 29, 2020, started like any other day. i got my things together, had an argument with my stepmom about doing the dishes (you said i can’t do the dishes when it’s late and everyone’s asleep after i get off work, when do you expect me to do them), decided to start the dishwasher right before i left for work (if she was mad about it, then she could unload the dishwasher as needed and we could have this conversation when i got home, i reasoned) and went to walmart for my shift that day. i cut one of my fingers on a taco seasoning packet, watched some of the salzburg 2007 production of berlioz’s benvenuto cellini on my lunch break, and in general otherwise it was a pretty normal shift. and like all normal shifts, i took my sweet time getting out and getting home.
at about 5:15 i was dawdling and trying to find an excuse to not get in my car just yet when i got a call from my stepmom that basically went like this:
me: hi
stepmom: hey. are you coming home yet?
me: i will be there in a little bit.
stepmom: it’s been raining so you need to be careful getting home.
me: it hasn’t rained that much and i know how to drive in the rain.
stepmom: just be careful getting home. bye.
so i sighed and went “well i can’t put this off any longer”, and got in my car and put some more berlioz on and drove home, thinking about how she sounded upset over the phone and oh i was going to get a tongue-lashing for leaving the dishes in the dishwasher all day.
and just as i was pulling up, i noticed my older brother’s truck outside. huh, i thought, that’s weird. why is he here?
i pulled into the driveway and saw my stepmom sitting on the step outside the side door by herself. two thoughts about what this meant went into my head at about the same time:
option 1: uh oh my stepmom is big mad and she waited out here just so she could tell me off right when i got home
option 2: uh oh my brother and my stepmom got into a fight again for whatever reason and she just can’t deal with it right now
(both of these, for the record, were entirely plausible things that could have happened)
so i parked and got out and decided to not commit to either of these but just play this very strange situation as coolly as possible. i believe my exact words were “hey, what are you doing out here by your lonesome?”
and like monsieur marcade, she could only get out a handful of words, and it was left to me to fill in the meaning.
the meaning: savannah, your father is dead.
and, to quote a different shakespeare play, “i must be from thence.”
my father died and i wasn’t there.
***
this is the same fate to befall the princess of france: her political mission mixed with girls’ trip has taken her to navarre, to a world full of annoying yet beloved men and delightful games and amateur theatre filled with passion. and then she learns that her father all the way in paris has died, and she wasn’t there.
now we don’t know what the princess’ relationship with her father was like; this is not something that is discussed at all in the play. but i know what my relationship with my father was like. we didn’t always understand each other or agree on everything, but i loved him. and in a childhood where the concept of family was a loose one due to an over decade-long stretch of family drama, he was the one constant.
and then four days after my high school graduation, he was simply gone, never to return.
now some folks will probably go back to those days of late july and early august 2020 and see that i posted exactly nothing about all this. why? i just needed a space where i could forget, where i could live in denial for a little longer, where i could cling to something in my life that wasn’t about this unimaginable loss until i couldn’t anymore.
living in the late 1500s, with a whole country to newly run, no social media, and a permanent existence in the public eye, the princess does not have this sort of escape. she knows right away the awful truth. it is inevitable; she must leave this happy sojourn, this newfound love.
her first line after she realizes her father is dead shows that plainly: “boyet, prepare. i will away tonight.” and even as she plans to shut herself up in a mourning-house, it is at the same time that she will be learning first hand how to run her kingdom.
sixteen days after my father’s death, i left home to learn how to live on my own. and even before that, i got only five days of bereavement leave from work, and i went back to work the day after my father’s funeral. let alone the rest of the frantic preparations for leaving home and starting a brand new life alone—in the middle of a pandemic and now, with this grief weighing on me.
life and the world do not wait for grief.
and sixteen days is too fast to grow up.
you can’t just flip the switch from child to adult, especially when you’re grieving.
and when the world forces you to do so, it is truly awful.
there’s no closure to it. as another character mourns in the closing moments of the play, “our wooing doth not end like an old play.” well, neither did the princess’ relationship with her father.
to continue with the shakespeare allusions, as much as i love and am heartbroken by the deathbed reconciliation between king henry iv and prince hal in henry iv, part 2 (a scene i was lucky to get to read with socshakes last september and which still lives in my head rent free), sometimes it simply doesn’t work out that way and you’re still left to pick up the pieces and forever wonder what might have been in those final moments on top of it.
living without that—without those answers, without closure, without any sort of comfort, on top of everything else—is so, so hard.
it is widely accepted that the love’s labour’s won mentioned in the catalogues is, in fact, a lost sequel and not an alternate name for any number of surviving shakespeare comedies. and while i have never found love in the manner of any shakespeare comedy, i believe nonetheless that i am living the princess’ story—a young woman, always grieving, trying to learn about life and figure out how to live it in a hostile world, trying to balance all the things, trying to come to terms with closure that will never come to her.
love’s labour’s lost fills me with an ache by the end. a true heartache, a deep emotional pain like few other stories i have ever come across. when i first saw it, i praised it for being messy and real. i saw me in it. i saw my own grief. i saw what i could have been, the kind of person i was before that fateful and fatal summer, the realization that we must leave that self behind because they can no longer navigate this new world, the not wanting to let go, the not understanding why but knowing you have to anyway. to know you have to take the other road.
***
recently, for a local exhibit, a museum asked people in the area to send in writing about their regrets, something they wished had happened differently. mine was eventually one of the ones selected for inclusion. here it is.
in another lifetime, i am there when my father dies.
i am there, holding his hand, feeling the blood that connects us rush through him, hearing his breaths—however shallow.
skin on skin.
i’m able to tell him one last time that i love him, i will always love him. perhaps through all the pain that comes with a pancreatic cancer diagnosis, the sleep-like state he was in for most of the last two days, he will hear me and even respond.
my family can all grieve together, knowing we all saw it happen and we all got a strange sort of closure.
my relationship with him on this earth would not feel like a perpetually unfinished story, with an ending written when i wasn’t even there.
but it is this lifetime.
someone once said grief is just love with no place to go. i believe that. and, well, this is my life. i have to muddle through and believe, make closure out of thin air and time, let love go nowhere and everywhere.
***
so, life imitates art and vice versa. and thank you @socialshakespeare for letting me have this story that has come to mean so much to me in the few short months since i first came across it. <3
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will you shut the fuck up? what if the shit doesn't hit the fan? what if we do make it? what if you don't die? can you have a little hope? just have a little hope
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rewritingcanon · 3 months
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back when i had 60 followers and a snape/snarry stan misinterpreted a post i made about snape as slander, scrolled thru my account to bitch about something, decided a post i made about DORLENE was the best option for a rebuke (😭), reblogged my post to bitch about me and dorlene (???) and then told me to stay off atyd. i think about this moment a lot now that i have peace on this account….
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opens-up-4-nobody · 4 months
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#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying#shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl#in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated#bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not#her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet#so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive#personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd#compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from#happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is#like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil#not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am#barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me#and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them#but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and#thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard#to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds#nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of#brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but#that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer#defying the stats but for how much longer?#i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it#i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else#excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things#unrelated#ed mention#i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama#bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]
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n7punk · 10 hours
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fascinated by multiple torties specifically, but to answer the question i shaved my entire head a month into lockdown (did not take me long but tbf i already needed a haircut when it started) but didn't like it
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