#about ways to help moreso than feeling sad or whatever too

[whileyoureinschoolidothisallday]

OKAY it has been a day of being sad and panicky. Time to move.

Yesterday, I made a post detailing the cdc announcement that there will no longer be an isolation requirement for covid. If you are one of the thousands of people rightfully raging in my notes, here's some steps to focus on.

We're not gonna give up. I've seen quite a few comments with things like 'what's the point', 'why should I even try anymore' etc etc and what we're not gonna do is give them what they want! It helps the eugenics cause to be apathetic and listless. We've made it this far, we will continue to make it. I know it's hard, but I am at least right here with you. Give yourself whatever time you need to grieve, and then I need you to get up.

If you have stopped masking for any reason, or you haven't upgraded to a respirator style mask, now is the time to change or start. From now on, we will be living in a country where you could assume there are multiple covid positive people in the room with you at all times. Surgical masks will not handle that load, and cloth masks will be even less effective at that point. Obviously, this is an unprecedented situation we're putting these masks in, and I'm not gonna sit here and pretend to be an expert that can tell you with certainty that even respirators will hold up with this amount of viral load for a long period of time, but it's the best and strongest tool we have. I'm considering using my p100 more, so that's always something to consider as well (and they make you look like a cool raver when you wear them!!!). You can buy all sorts of masks here, there's more links in the comments of my original post, and most states have their own mask blocs. To find them, go to Instagram and type "[your state] mask bloc". Here is a google doc of verified advocacy groups and mask blocs all across the country here is a diy fit test kit you can buy for $30 (unfortunately they are sold out right now. shocker.) PLEASE remember to take a layered response in these times. Masks are not the only tool in our arsenal. PLEASE for the love of God keep up with your vaccinations. Make a corsi-rosenthal box or buy a high quality air purifier if you can afford it--at the very least our homes can be safe havens (you can even put a hepa filter on your furnace!!!! And in your car too!!!!!). Use CPC Mouthwash, nasal irrigation, and nasal sprays like this one. Make it a routine: you come home, you shower, you brush your teeth, you rinse your nose, you change your clothes. And, like I said in another one of my posts, DO NOT TAKE OFF THE MASK.

3. If you would like an outlet for your rage and you're into calling your reps, feel free to calmly but firmly let the cdc have it at these numbers!!!!!

[alt text: a tweet by user silly_paulie that reads:

"Disdain for the CDC unites us all. Call today and demand isolation policies be returned to 10 days, and reducing it further to 1 day would be criminally dangerous. Call both:

404-639-7000 (press 8)

800-232-4636"

end text.]

4. If you need more outlets for your rage, I STRONGLY encourage you to get involved with your local union. Moreso than calling the CDC, tbh. I've seen multiple comments telling people just to lie about your symptoms to get more sick time off, but since there's no legal precedent to allow employees sick time for covid, all that's gonna do is get people fired. I truly believe in my lefty heart that the ONLY way we're getting anything close to mitigation is through labor rights. Even the standard for the fucking flu is 3 days, and that's nowhere near as contagious or disabling as covid. I say this as a high risk person with a neuromuscular disability: covid is an intersectional issue, but where we have the most leverage to get what we need is through labor rights.

It is NOT safe for workers to be working while ill with a Level 3 Biohazard (same as TB and the FUCKING PLAGUE. Seriously we have more regulations around fucking lice)

It is NOT safe to willfully EXPOSE your employees to a Level 3 Biohazard

It is NECESSARY for all employees to be allowed up to 10 days to recover fully from Covid-19, in order to avoid possible further injury from or hospitalization

You will NOT die or be disabled for the sake of the wealthy!!!!!

(and while you're at it, ask for better air filtration too!!!! At least 5 air changes an hour, MERV-13 air filters!! Then we won't have to constantly worry about virus bs and policy changes in the first place!!!!)

5. Closing statements. Nothing has changed with covid, this is just policy. Covid still isn't magic, she still has to get in you before she can do damage--mask up, arm your home with clean air, and don't let her. It's always worse toward the end. This is not the time to give up, it's time to dig in your heels and get to work. There are so many good things happening with covid. They are finding encouraging treatments for long covid. Finally, after years of nothing, a new prophylactic for the high risk was submitted for emergency use to the FDA, and it looks like this time it's built to last against new mutations. Covid is here to stay for the rest of our lives, but the real science hasn't given up on taking the worst of its teeth out. We WILL get to the point where the extreme fear of catching covid is nothing but a bad memory for EVERYONE. All I need you to do is commit to the belief that you're gonna survive long enough to be in that moment with the rest of us.

Now stay safe, and give em hell!!!!!

#covid 19 #covid safe #covid advocacy #covid is not over #mask up #danger days: truffula flu simulator #truffula flu survival guide

[oddballcobblebot]

GOTHAM NYGMOBBLEPOT HEADCANONS!! ☂️❔

hiii !!!!! i luvv telling people my headcanons so here are some of mine!!

☂️ STARTING WITH OSWALD!! 🐧

he's autistic and has bpd!!

he struggles with textures related to his suits so he tries to get them all in a favorable texture, he loves silk and satin, cant stand velvet

left handed

he struggles with impulsive suicidal/self harm ideation due to bpd, when triggered by things he can spiral easily and become overwhelmed which causes the impulsive ideation

he likes most foods but finds some absolutely unbearable and refuses to eat them.

he has anger issues from his autism!! he gets overwhelmed which turns into rage (like me)

he lovess food, he loves trying food and is willing to eat anything ed makes about 98% of the time

if his clothes feel too restricting he will wear ed's because theyre bigger on him, but only around the house, never anywhere else

he's always been chubby even from childhood!! and was fat moreso season 5 and onward, especially after finale!

he struggles with gender identity but chooses not to label himself much, but if it were put into a term, mainly genderfluid. he uses both she/her and he/him interchangeably. lesbian freak. she is also uniromantic and is only in love with ed!!!

he has a very low self esteem and has a hard time looking in mirrors sometimes, especially after hurting his eye

he gets headaches very often but they aren't very debilitating. they are usually triggered by potent scents and lights

(secret headcanon i have he has POTS shhh)

he sometimes smokes weed when the pain in his leg is too much to handle and pain medication isn't helping

he wont ever say it, but he loves being cared for

❔ EDWARD NYGMA TIME!!! 🦉

he has npd, autism, and osdd!! he is a narc but not in the eww narcissists way, in the actual personality disorder way!!

severe sensory issues, especially towards lights and textures

hates the texture of grass

right handed

needs a near constant stream of npd supply, even if its in small ways like praising his riddles, ideas, calling him smart, etc

oswald listening to him intently is like a form of supply for him, feeling listened to is like supply

he uses she/her and he/him interchangeably like oswald, and discovered her gender identity in arkham (the last time she went for a decade...sad face), transgender lesbian!!

very very selective and picky with foods

loves to take care of oswald and cook, cooking makes it easier to cater to both of their texture needs, but they do occasionally eat out

loves infodumping to oswald about riddles and whatever is interesting him

nerm swana (turkish + arab specifically) !!

if oswald is smoking for leg pain u best bet ed is joining in!!!!!

loves to listen to oswald talk alot

he loves loves loves cats and pets the strays around gotham

he didnt ACTUALLY hate that oswald named his dog after him and found it quite endearing

🐧☂️ TOGETHER!!!!!1! NYGMARBLEPOT ❔🦉

they both love having meals together and talking about future endeavors

oswald runs the iceberg lounge after the finale, edward is also a co owner

they spend a lot of time together

oswald sleeps on the left side of the bed, edward on the right

edward helps oswald a lot when hes having problems with anger, he tries to be more logical rather than just trying to tell him to "calm down." trying to give him a solution and talking it through helps oswald more

oswald keeps candles and dim lights around the manor to help with ed's sensory problems related to lights, as well as to prevent headaches for himself too

edward helps oswald with his leg a lot, like reminding him to take medications or use his cane when needed. he is always there to remind oswald its okay to need help with things time to time

they both love listening to eachother

oswald likes drinking more than ed does, he loves gin and tonic, frozen margaritas, and martinis. ed prefers not to drink, but doesnt mind a martini either. ed doesnt drink on his own, only with oswald really

oswald became an occaisonal smoker after blackgate, using it to calm any anxiety he gets. ed doesnt like it that much and hates the smell, but he bears with it for oswalds sake. doesnt mean he doesnt try to get him to stop, though

edward loves oswalds size and constantly compliments him, he loves oswald no matter what weight he is and never comments on his body negatively ever

they both have tons of bodily scars

they are both very physically affectionate with eachother but dont really like being touched by other people at all, both are very touch avoidant when it comes to anyone but eachother

both use fem terms on eachother and refer to eachother with she/her a lot!! they both love being fem in private

ed's special interest is riddles and oswald's is penguins!!! eds always loved riddles and puzzles, while oswald learned more about them after the title was bestowed upon him. he also loves sharks!!!

THEY R IN LOVE!!!!! !!!!

thats all. bye bye!!

#headcanon #gotham #oswald cobblepot #dc universe #gotham penguin #edward nygma #gotham headcanons #dc penguin #dc riddler #dc characters #my headcanons #headcanons #nygmobblepot #nygmobblepositivity #nygmobblepot headcanons

[cascadiums]

Ooh, come back here and tell me more about Quincey never needing to be woken up (I am 80% sure I am aware of the Thing with Quincey Morris)

(under a cut because I'm talking about the end of the book so first time readers, please skip. also forgive me, I got distracted and ended up on a wider thing of what the hell is up with Quincey in general)

I first encountered the Something Is Wrong With Quincey Morris theories in university. My seminar tutor was convinced that Bram Stoker had been to the US between drafts of Dracula and something happened to make him disillusioned with the politics of the country, and so he edited Quincey Morris to be more ambiguous and less heroic. Before that I hadn't noticed Quincey was sort of weird, but once it got pointed out, I couldn't drop it, and that led me to this:

Simmons, James R. “‘If America Goes on Breeding Men Like That’: ‘Dracula’s’ Quincey Morris Problematized.” Journal of the Fantastic in the Arts, vol. 12, no. 4 (48), 2002, pp. 425–36.

I don't have the pdf but jstor gives you free online access to so many papers per month if anyone wants to read.

It's not the first published text on the topic, but it's the first one I read that argued Quincey is a vampire. It's a very entertaining read, it sets up all the evidence like an Agatha Christie plot and makes Quincey seem really suspicious, for reasons such as:

There is no evidence in the novel that he sleeps because he's always patrolling for bats or happens to have already got up when people go to wake him

His transfusion doesn't help Lucy

It's never explained who drugged the servants in Lucy's house right before he coincidentally appears

He fired a gun into the house, what the hell Quincey

Why the hell is a cowboy here anyway? Seems suspicious, he must be undead

For me it veers between very compelling and verging on silly, but it's definitely fun. It sort of feels like the middle ground between literary analysis and a conspiracy theory. But let's face it, there is definitely something wrong with Quincey.

So many people don't even know he's in Dracula. He barely ever makes it into adaptations despite being the man who kills the Count. Arguably, the Big Hero of Dracula. The first guy to mention vampires in Dracula. He should be iconic. Instead, even a lot of gothic lit textbooks forget he's even there. He just sort of.,, falls out of the narrative. I don't know what it is, but something about the way Quincey is written makes him lose significance. His death scene is actually really fucking interesting too! Ties in with some major symbolic themes, is really sad, and yet doesn't make much impact outside of the text. Something is Weird with him.

Some of the theories I've seen include him being a double agent and he's Dracula's real assistant (I guess Renfield is just the distraction?), he's undead, he's a werewolf (okay, I can't find any evidence of this one now but unless it was a weird dream, I swear I read it somewhere), and that he's the result of a passive aggressive character assassination of the US by Bram Stoker because he fell out of love with the notion of cowboys.

I have to confess, I am obsessed with all these theories. I don't really think most of them work, but I am obsessed with them regardless. Because whatever is going on, Quincey Morris is an Outsider. He's like the Count and Van Helsing but in some ways moreso. They get so much more dialogue than him to give you an idea of their mindset, so however separated from the other characters they are, the reader can access them. But Quincey is laconic. His past is ambiguous, his necessity to the plot is apparently debatable, and his actions are kind of baffling. The story treats him very strangely, and theories like that try to bridge the gap.

I don't know, I guess this is sort of reader-response theory? For me it's less about the content of the theories and more about the existence of the theories. Something Is Wrong With Quincey Morris is evidence of some weird stuff going on in the text with the narrative not knowing how to treat him. The novel simulated a battle between historic Europe and modern Britain, and somehow America won, which nobody realised was an option and so the whole thing folded in on itself and erased the cowboy from our collective consciousness.

#dracula daily #quincey morris favourite weird guy #animate-mush

[hearts4juzi]

@charade-yes-from-youtube MCI!!! YIPPEE!!!

Gabriel:

-Oldest kid william killed. hes 12 and has a baby sister and a big brother (his brother is grown and is mike schmidt in my fnaf timeline)

-LOVES sports. he played a lot when he was young, but his favorite is basketball

-His family has a lot of issues, so he's a lot more mature than he should be.

-He actually disliked cassidy in life. to him she was too bossy and bratty, but he didnt care bc she was younger than him

-One of the more vengeful, since he thinks a lot about his baby sister and it makes him PISSED. hes close to cassidy and is super protective of his friends. Of course this means he violently hates michael

-extra one but he's very bitter about being in the animatronic. as much as he wants revenge, he also is one of the first to side with cassidy against charlie

Fritz:

-about 9 when he died, he's not as vengeful. He was mostly just scared at first.

-Close with Susie and was present when the bite happened. He wasn't close with Evan (hes younger than Ev) but he felt really bad whenever he saw him around

-He played soccer <33 which is why he was able to run away from william long enough to cause trouble

-Autistic, selectively nonverbal and doesnt talk a lot bc of it. he gets overstimulated by loud noises

-He had no siblings, but he was super duper close with susie. Her death fucked him up a lot and if it weren't for his birthday arty, he would not have gone back to the pizzeria ever. he'd hoped the party would cheer him up

-turned on charlie quicker than expected. he hates being in foxy and hes scared, so he doesnt trust her. he also viewed it as a selfish decision especially when cassidy framed it that way

Jeremy:

-Was very aggressive with william but couldnt do much. he was 9 (turning ten in a few months maybe) when he died

-hes not vengeful tho, not as much as cassidy or gabriel. hes moreso sad.

-sides with gabriel on everything EXCEPT charlie. he trusts charlie and believes she brought them back for a reason. but he went with gabriel because he didnt wanna leave him behind

-his big brother is the bonnie bully (andy my love <3) and their relationship changed a lot post bite. jeremy didnt know what happened until after he died, tho. hes not evans biggest fan bc evan helped cassidy turn the others against charlie and he hated to see her isolated like that

-he thinbks its hilarious that the nightguard has the same name as his. less so when said nightguard gets a chunk taken out of his face

Susie: (@walking-fnaf-encyclopedia u asked too <3)

-8 when she died. was there for the bite but didnt actually see it happen. she just knew a kid died because of the robots and only really knew what happened when she was told post-death

-surprisingly vengeful. this girl can fit a lot o anger in her. shes bitter that her death was based on a stupid theory, and even more bitter that charlie helped prove the theory true.

-despite that, it took a while for her to give up on charlie. in fact the split between the mci and charlie ruined her view of evan and cassidy more than it did charlie. susie, just like jeremy, could tell they were isolating her and she did not like it. she doesnt fully blame them (considering she agrees with them) but she believed there was a better way. they were already here, why not work together?

-her dog possesses the cupcake! she knows this and cherishes the little guy but she also feels so fucking sad her poor dog got dragged into this. he seems pretty chill with it tho LMAO

-actually the most chill w the nightguard. after all, its not him who wronged her lol

Cassidy:

MY FAV MY BELOVED OKAY

-11 when she died. second oldest meow and she fucking FOUGHT LIKE HELL. whatever jeremy did to will was nothing compared to her. she was a cornered rabbit and she showed her claws she fucked him UP. broke his nose cut his face she did everything to get away from him. he had to make up a story about a person attacking him (which ended up being the first lie henry cracked that lead up to him finding out william was the killer so. pop off cass)

-Knew evan before she died. did not gaf abt him. he was just the whiny kid to her. but tbf she didnt know anything about michael. she'd shoo off any bullies she saw hanging around him, though. he noticed but never mentioned it

-violent anger she got from her mother. yeah you can assume what her home life was like. she had a lot of expectations placed on her as the only child. her parents were business people, always rushing and never pausing to let her catch up, so she learned to keep running, fall less, and work harder. of course, the faster you go the harder you'll fall but dont tell her that

-loves dressing herself up, but her mother prefers to do it. cassidy hates hwen other people make decisions for her (which contrasts evans hate for making decisions himself)

-violently hates charlie. they used to be close when alive but post death not only was cassidy pissed that charlie brought the other kids back (in my hc, cassidy came back of her own accord) but also that charlie now wanted to give up on their mission for vengence. she found the "happiest day" to be trivializing their cause and, once the other kids were gone and passed on, promptly destroyed it. Evan similarly refused to move on, and they stayed behind together

-despite this, cassidy did try to convince charlie not to go to the pizza sim location. charlie didnt listen, got trapped in lefty, and caused cassidy to have a severe hatred for henry that lasts on and on and on for a long time until she finally visited him at the lake. but hes just like his daughter, and cassidy listened to him even less than shed listened to charlie

#MEOW!!!!! THEY ARE MY FUCKING WORLD #can u tell cassidys my favorite. whoops #tzu rambles #tzu asks #headcanons

[aeonblaze]

@etherealguard said: He had been gone seemingly all day, disappeared into the streets of Belobog once they had landed for their usual visit. Once he returns, he immediately searches for Caelus, a short chirp escaping him in satisfaction when he sees the familiar grey hair. "Hand." He requests, waiting for the other to lift his hand up so the archivist can fix a peculiar bracelet onto his wrist. It was thin, and had a circular charm attached to it that held a design of the sun. If Caelus looked carefully, he would already see that Dan Heng himself was wearing a similar bracelet. Though his circle had the image of a crescent moon. "I was with Serval today." He begins to explain, letting go once the bracelet was secured. "I understand that you worry about my well being. And that.. you don't like the idea of something happening to me. I wanted to alleviate those fears, at least a little bit. So I asked her to make these special bracelets for us. Watch." He gently holds Caelus' hand, index finger pressing once on the sun. A small glow emits from the circular pad, lasting a second before fading. Immediately, the moon on Dan Heng's bracelet begins to glow. Having received the call from it's sun's counterpart. "It works.. The idea is; whenever I'm not around and you start to think of me, or want to tell me that you love me, you can do so with the bracelet. I'll see the light, and I will tap back, to let you know that I'm alright. And I love you too." He blinks away when he finishes that sentence, a small hue of red forming; "It's.. something that I hope makes you feel better. Whenever you start to worry over me." The red hue washes away once he looks back at his partner's face, gaze growing tender. "...If you start feeling sad again. Or want my company for any reason, tap the bracelet three times. I'll reply back, and I will find my way back to you." ↪ unprompted.

there's a pleasant chill in the air when they step into belobog , & caelus is more than happy to be back. they split up this time around , & caelus had promised pela he'd help her rearrange some exhibits in the museum. he walks off towards the museum after letting her know they'd arrived , pressing a goodbye kiss to dan heng's cheek as he does so , his own cheeks turning pink.

pela's raised eyebrow is enough to keep him quiet , & he's content to move whatever she wants him to , if only to keep himself quiet & her from saying anything.

by the time he makes it back to the express , march is talking himeko's ear off about something , nothing he's really paying attention to. instead , caelus makes his way back to his room , idly scrolling through his phone & replying to messages when he hears the door open , eyes lighting up & phone tossed to the side when he sees dan heng.

❛ you're back !! i missed you !! ❜

the trailblazer is instantly throwing his arms around dan heng's shoulders , smile nearly blinding. his hand is presented when prompted , head tilted curiously at the bracelet that's fixed onto his wrist , golden eyes taking note of the matching bracelet on the archivist's wrist.

❛ you ... had serval make us matching bracelets ?? i didn't know dan heng could be so cute. ❜

his smile turns painfully fond around the edges , looking at the bracelet as dan heng speaks. it's true that he worries , perhaps moreso than he realized if dan heng himself had taken notice of it. but his heart flutters a bit when dan heng presses on the sun charm of his bracelet , seeing dan heng's light up in turn.

if you start to think of me , or want to tell me you love me.

caelus' brain grinds to a halt , cheeks turning red. he's glad , at least , that dan heng knows how he feels without it needing to be said , & a slightly wobbly smile crosses his face now , golden gaze softening as he looks up at dan heng.

and i love you , too.

❛ careful with that , dan heng. i always want your company. ❜

a brief pause as caelus leans in to brush his nose against dan heng's , arm settling loosely around his waist. his heart skips a bit in his chest , the redness to his face not going anywhere under the archivist's tender gaze.

how lucky he is to have someone like dan heng by his side.

❛ it's wonderful , i love it. and ... ❜

he pauses for a moment , golden eyes shining when they meet dan heng's.

❛ ... i love you , dan heng. ❜

#╰ ✧ ━━━━━ ❛ 𝑨𝑵𝑺𝑾𝑬𝑹𝑬𝑫 : the will of the trailblaze manifests . #╰ ❤️️ ━━━━━ ❛ 𝑬𝑻𝑯𝑬𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑳𝑮𝑼𝑨𝑹𝑫 : all my days ‚ i’ll know your face . #etherealguard #WHEN I TELL YOU I STARTED CRYING ABT THIS ONE !!!!!!

[thecraftymagician]

Hello!!

I hope you’re well. Would you do headcanons for the M6 about how they would react to being the same ethnicity/background? Such as being from Paraka for Nadia or the Kokhuri for Muriel.

Hello there! I gotta say I love your username lol

I think this is another one of those cases where it's generally going to be similar for alot of the M6 if not the same in some ways. You can for the most part carry different things over between the LI's if you want to. This is going to be mostly the specific differences I can think of for them. I'm going mostly based off MC both before and after the plague (aka without memories of home/family but assuming Asra at least knew before and fills in the rest or whoever else knew about it before?). Basically I tried to leave it open to interpretation after overthinking it for months and opted for the both option rather than one or the other. I also combined Julian and Portia because they're siblings. It was a bit trickier with Asra as they were born in Vesuvia it seems? Please correct me if I'm wrong. Even so I'm sorry if it's a bit on the short side!

Warnings: *Spoilers* for Muriel and Lucio's Routes specifically

MC with the same Ethnicity/Background as each M6:

Asra💜

Feels instantly more comfortable and just at home with you though a bit sad/nostalgic from missing their family

Asks you lots of questions about your family and customs to compare and contrast with their own

Likes to try and find new places around Vesuvia you might not know about to surprise you but loves visiting your favorite spots

If you grew up around magic too they'll love to share that with you as well and use it to bond with you, sharing everything they've learned from their parents

Cooks traditional food and snacks often for both of you (and to share with Muriel or anyone else who wants to try)

Nadia💖

Is very intrigued and likes to ask you questions about your life back in Prakra (especially curious about the neighborhood you grew up in, family, how/what brought you to Vesuvia too)

Bonds over liking the same places back home and the differences between there and Vesuvia

Finds your perspective and company so refreshing

Will invite you to join her and her family when they visit or when she visits home though apologizes profusely for her siblings as they might be a bit extra overbearing

Might have inside jokes about back home and loves to have Prakran delicacies with you often especially if you haven't tried them before

Julian/Portia🖤🧡

Very very enthused and will immediately try to see if you can speak Russian(or whatever equivalent) and teach you if you can't

If you grew up in Nevivon as an orphan they'll most likely remember you and recount stories, games, etc with you

If you lived there with family they might not remember you but will share inside jokes about the town and people who lived/visited there

If you're from their birth place east of the Strait of Seals they might not remember as much but as you lots of questions about it

If your parents were also merchants they'll again ask lots of questions about them, the ship, your travels, everything

In general they'll love to joke with you and swap stories and traditions

Muriel💚

Is instantly fascinated and without trying to pry with ask about what happened and how you got to Vesuvia and anything you can remember about home

It's likely this makes you even moreso willing and wanting to help preserve the history of the Kokurhi with him

He'll have even more questions if your family was one of the groups who broke off later and where they went, what they do as well as questions about the rest of the people who split off

As he doesn't remember much himself he'll ask alot about any stories, traditions, or in general the culture of the Kokhuri even if Khamgalai fills in alot (he likes your perspective too)

Lucio❤

Instantly worried you might remember his failures- Oopsies- as well as everything that went wrong

Of course he won't show that and instead make a mild fool of himself boasting about the greatness of the Scourge of the South and how proud he is that you heil from it as well

Wants to swap battle and training stories as well as old songs and jokes that were told around campfires

Hesitantly asks what happened after he left but also doesn't really want to know unless you want to talk about it

Flips between hating the tribe after everything but still being nostalgic when he was still very young and naïve about his place in it

#the arcana #thearcanagame #julian the arcana #julian devorak #asra the magician #asra the arcana #countess nadia #count lucio #the arcana lucio #muriel the arcana #nadia satrinava #muriel the mountain man #muriel of the kokhuri #portia the arcana #portia devorak #portia x mc #asra x mc #julian x mc #lucio x mc #nadia x mc #muriel x mc

[lovelyjasmari]

Twisted Wonderland Reaction Part 12 ~ Sallie Mae Made Jamil Overblot Edition + Announcement!

About the title...yeah...its in reference to an EXTREMELY stupid ass joke found in this post...you’ll see...

I must say, even though I already read all of book 4 on my own, it’s still a fun treat reading it in EN simply for all the meme-able content the official translations offer! Since it seems like there won’t be any story updates this month, I’ve decided to continue reading book 5 on my own this weekend. There is also another reason I’m going ahead: 

Over on my blog @jasmariswonderland I’m working on a mock event story with  my twst ocs! The story takes place during the events of book 5 and is sort of a side story showing that some of my characters are up to during. So of course I need to finish reading for context but that shouldn’t take long since I don’t have to worry abt battles, twistunes or overblots. 😅

In the meantime, let’s finish up book 4! Warning: pic heavy, some swearing, some personal projection/mentions of my past, meme-ing, yelling at the Tweels and thirsting for ya’ll-already-fucking-know-who. Let’s jump in!

If we must, Jade. If we must...

WHY ARE YA’LL ALWAYS SO SUS! EVEN WHEN BEING NICE?!

LIKE YOU DID DURING THE END OF BEANFEST?! 💀

Heyyy! Shoutout to my namesake princess! Also off topic, but cyan is one of my personal favorite colors and I would love to cosplay Princess Jasmine one day when I’m thinner. 

KALIM! Don’t do it! Runnnn!

Goddamnit, now I have a new ship...😩👀💀

“Forbidden lore”... whatever Azul! Tell that to all the wonderful artists over on twst twitter! 😭

God as much as the Tweels amuse me, if I were around them as much as Azul, I’d probably have to sleep with one eye open. Doesn’t help that they’d probably eat Azul if they could. Such an odd dynamic, I love it! 💜

Awwe his chibi is doing the glasses thing! 🥺🥺🥺

Jokes aside, I REALLY wanna know Crowley’s secret. Like this man oozes with sus sauce, moreso than any of these beautiful bastards going to NRC. WHY isn’t he trying to find a way to send us home?! WHY does his school suck so hard compared to RSA?! WHY do the students hate each other?!  WHAT IS THIS FUCKING BIRD MAN DOING?! YES! DO IT JAMIL! EXPOSE CROWLEY! Yuulan would probably thank you!

Orrrrr, ya’ll can just cancel him. That works too...NOT! 😤

FUCKING JUMPSCARE!!! 🤬😭💀😩🤣

Thanks Azul, I hate it!

Intellectuals tend to be dastardly too, you know! 😤

Uhhhhh...that doesn’t look like a good sign Kalim...

THIS WILL FUCKING HAPPEN:

So...I was gonna retake this shot but I BARELY managed to defeat his first OB stage and the more I looked at this pic, the more it made me laugh for some twisted reason. To the point when I was debating weather to do his fight again just to retake it, my bf kept saying “looks like Sallie Mae made Jamil overblot...”

I know...we have an...odd sense of humor. 

Sallie Mae aside, another cool as hell overblot design. All these designs for the overblots are so cool and now I’m even more excited about seeing that Vil’s looks like. But also terrified cause I feel like his will probably be WAY more difficult than this one.

YEEEEEEETTTTTTTT

What’s hilarious about these official translations is when they do speak clear english but the localization team still translates it into something else. It was especially noticeable during the culinary crucible event and its EXTREMELY obvious here! 😭😭😭

And as always, Yuulan continues to be iconic...

Poor Kalim, this really made me sad. I really feel like he didn’t mean anything malicious. He’s just too sweet and too good for this twisted (punch me) world. 

SHUT UP YUULAN NOW IS NOT THE TIME

WHAT THE TRASH CAT SAID

Jesus fuck Jade! You’re charming but Jesus fuck! But seriously though, I respect it. With that smile, you can be certain no one would be able to find the body...

THIS IS WHY I DON’T LIKE YOU NO MORE AZUL (joking, please don’t come for me Azul stans)! Jamils gonna fucking die soon if we don’t do something and all you’re thinking abt is exploiting developing nations for a quick buck! FOR SHAME!

Aaaaand once again, we as the fans have been cheated of seeing Azul in his octopus form without having to overblot...😭

All that’s missing from this scene is for the boys and Yuulan to be in sexy red harem outfits...👀

If he can’t do it, GREAT!!!

This face is particularly creepy tho. 😳

Why am I not surprised this fucking bird man was willing to take bribes? This is probably why your school is so messed up (affectionately).

Okay! Time to get personal for a moment! Up until this point, I’ve had a certain level of sympathy for all the overblot boys and Jamil is no different. But Jamil’s sad story hit me especially hard because I was recently forced to sever ties with a group of toxic friends who, for more than  decade, were the only friends I really had. And my relationship with them was a lot like what Jamil has with Kalim. Without going into much detail, I realize in hindsight that there was a lot of uncheckhed envy on everyone’s part but especially against me. I was made to defer to another friend who, for reasons, had to be better than me at everything. What made things worse was that our other friends were pressuring me to defer to them and yet actively compared me to them every chance they got. 

One of the reasons I’ve been hesitant to continue reading book 5 is because even though I’m only a third of the way in, I can already sense that Vil has a similar dynamic with Neige as I had with this friend of mine and the parallels are even more clear to me. I hate to use this word but it’s been extremely triggering to me because these friends left me in an extremely venerable position that has only fed into my obsession with perfection and my self hatred. I have no friends at this point in my life and my creative pursuits are what bring me joy these days but one thing I’ve really appreciated and loved about Twisted Wonderland is the writing and how layered the characters are. That I can see my traumas in this story makes me feel strangely validated. I know that’s a pathetic thing to say but it’s true.

OKAY PERSONAL SHIT OVER! LETS CONTINUE!

🥺🥺🥺

Floyd, sweetie, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but please shut up before I pull out my stick again... (affectionately) 

OOF! That’s all I can say, hell, that’s all I COULD say when I first read this! 😂

Daaaaammmnnnnnnnnn this is actually pretty awesome! And true.

Awweeee, this is so sweet. You two have really grown on me since the first time we met in the prologue. We’re all officially besties and it’s awesome! Even if you two do act like airheads sometimes...

But I’d love to know what public transportation is like in this world. Are there planes? Even though brooms are a thing. I’m sure boats are a thing since most of the land are isles, but yeah, I’m curious now. 

Unlike Crowley, who DID...

And yet, you’re smiling...❤❤❤

Awwe, they were worried too! 

Oh, hi Lilia. Fancy seeing you he...LILIA?!?!

Please don’t, and for the love of god, PUT THOSE FUCKING FANGS AWAY!!! 👀

Though I wish he hadn’t vanished so quickly, I would have happily invited Malleus to our feast, Lilia too! 💚

Also, I feel for Mal probably on his knees praying to the Great Seven that we wouldn’t figure out that M.D. stood for Malleus Draconia. Since he probably couldn’t sign the card Tsunotaro without Lilia interrogating him about it. Or worse, Sebek having a hissy fit abt someone daring to call Malleus such a name. 😭

OH GOD THE RAT IS BACK

THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?! WHAT DOES ANY OF THAT MEAN?!

Oh God...OH FUCK! OHHHH FUCKKKKK! Does that mean...? Could that possibly mean?? 👀👀💙💙👀👀💙

APPLE CHILD! My sweet apple child! His birthday is coming up soon too! 💙

Where’s my stick...

NOOOOO! Don’t cry, Epel! Please don’t cry! And the “dagnabbit” is adorably funny! I wasn’t gonna pull for Epel’s birthday card but I lowkey want to just to see how EN will translate that one part of his birthday story where he completely goes into his dialect.

Anywhoo, please don’t cry, Epel! Who would dare make my sweet apple child cry?! Cause the second I find them, me and my stick are gonna...

...oh...oh...nevermind...I’ll just put this stick down and see myself out...*backs away slowly*

FUUUUUCCCKKKK! THERE HE IS THERE HE IS THERE HE IS MY DARLING HANDSOME SEXY SUS-AS-FUCK HUNTER!!! 💙💙💙

Aaaannndddd, I’m back on my Rook-thirst bullshit again. Sorry Epel, you’re on your own for now. When Rook comes on screen, my better judgement leaves me out the opposite window! And with that, let me end this before I get too far in my Pomefiore flailing. Yeah...🤣🤣🤣

#twisted wonderland #jas reads twst #long post #SHUT UP JAS

[whythewords]

Days 267 - 280: What it might be...

Quicker turnaround than many of the last posts (yes I'm mentioning it again) and with perhaps an odd (or possibly perfect) juxtaposition with the sad yet hopeful nature of the end of that last entry.

I'll start by saying things have been pretty good. Aside from an incredibly annoying but relatively infrequent lingering cough, the COVID symptoms seem to be a distant memory. Two negative tests and I was back on campus. It was a busy week, but I got the shit done that I needed to do and then quickly realized today, as the school week has come to a close that we're about to enter week 6. That means I'm just a couple of weeks away from reading week which is not only a nice little break to look forward to, but the halfway point of the semester... My final semester...is almost halfway done. Holy fuck. The coming workload seems daunting but it seems doable and I am inching closer to the finish line that, when I started this journey, seemed barely even visible on the horizon.

It's a good feeling.

You know what's a bad feeling though? The massive, unrelenting headache I got this past Wednesday night.

You know what's ANOTHER GOOD feeling though? Getting a 'like' on one of the dating apps (yes, I went back) from a girl who actually seems kinda cool on her profile and that I actually seem to have (at least at first glance) a mental and physical attraction to. But I've played this game before. And it ain't the first time. Hell, it's one of the reasons I keep suspending the apps off and on in the first place. There's a connection, there's the beginning of a conversation, and then there's nothing. It's played out exactly that way several times since first getting back on the horse after my the separation. Why would this be any different?

Couple this with the fact that it was the very day I had this unrelenting headache. I came home from class gung-ho to get a head start on some labs that were due in a few days, but just collapsed into my bed and begged the universe to let me sleep off whatever demon boa constrictor had wrapped around my brain.

I saw the 'like,' I looked at the profile. The boa constrictor loosened its grip on my brain long enough for me to have some passing thoughts on the situation: "She's cute. She seems cool. Also, I'm dying. This shit seldom works out anyway so I'll respond to her later."

A few minutes go by and I remember that podcasts help put me to sleep sometimes. I grab the phone to load one up. A message. y brain pipes up again: "Shit. Okay. Well it's weird if I confirm the match and then say nothing, so I'll confirm the match tomorrow morn-oh shit never mind I just did it by accident." That fucking demon constrictor strikes again.

I respond. We chat. The conversation goes on much longer than any I've had on the apps since the first time I dove back into them post-separation (but that's not saying much). But the conversation was nice and it distracted me from my headache. She was present and she was funny and was engaged in the conversation, moreso than anyone else I had talked to on these apps in a long time, maybe ever. The conversation went on for a bit over an hour and then drifted to food in our respective locales. I took the opportunity to ask her out next weekend. She said yes.

What the fuck just happened?

Did I actually fall asleep while trying so desperately to get rid of this headache only for my mind to play a sick prank on me? Nope. This is just...a thing that's happening.

I'd gotten back onto the apps around mid-August, not too long after my August 14 entry here where I briefly talked about the idea of going back. At first I just had them there on the phone and didn't really use them, just waited to see if an occasional match would spring up that would catch my eye. It was infrequent. And when it did happen, it wasn't anything I was particularly interested in. As the weeks rolled on I started swiping a bit and trying to throw out the occasional 'like' or message on the apps that allowed such interaction. The results didn't change much. The occasional promising match, the exchange of a handful of messages, then silence.

These last couple weeks I was coming in hot. "I'm gonna try it" I told myself. "I'm gonna use up all the likes, and the swipes and send as many messages as I can and just do one last blitz. If it doesn't work out I'll jump back off the apps, at least until school is over." There were a precious few more matches than before, but the results were pretty much the same. Here I am, not even fully sure I know what I'm looking for or why I'm looking now, and then...Wednesday happens.

It was only two days ago, but we've been chatting a whole bunch since. And I've been in a good mood these last couple of days. But herein lies the caveat (because of course there is one): this COULD be nothing. The biggest mistake I made when I was first doing this online dating thing (several years ago when I was broken up with my eventual ex-wife for the first time) was getting too invested. There were at least a couple of times when I found myself anxious and excited for a date, only for the date to transpire and for the person to conclude that they weren't interested in me, or for me to conclude the same about them.

I have to prepare myself for that. I have to let myself know that this is a trial. I'm trying it out and hoping it works. And it might not. I haven't even met this person yet for god's sake. But the key here is finding a line. Striking a balance. Know what this is Joe. Know that it is fleeting. Know that it is as likely to disappoint as it is to go well. But enjoy it anyway. And I am. I'm enjoying it. I guess that's kinda the point of this shit right? I thought about it earlier today in the sense that if this doesn't work out, at least I'll have had this strange, fleeting high for the couple of weeks leading up to the date. I impressed a stranger. I was charming in some way. I'm capable of being interesting or attractive to someone. I dunno. It feels nice. The feeling might not last. But I guess it's okay to hope it does? I've been in this same situation a few times before and I've hit the same damn adage every time. PREPARE for the worst.

But fucking....just...hope for the best.

Right?

#life of joe #not so daily journal #online dating

[jackiietaylor]

who do you think should die? (in season 5)

literally anyone other than el. just kidding. maybe

ok but seriously before i start let me say i don’t want anyone to die, but narratively speaking these are the characters that make the most sense to me. also this got very long.

obviously vecna

also probably whatever government or military people continue to get sent after el. however im assuming owens will ultimately make it out alive and probably be involved in helping cover everything up/helping el and hopper either continue to hide or re-enter society

will. i think out of everyone hes definitely in the most danger because he’s the most connected to the upside down. they made a really big deal this season about the upside down being a hivemind, and that was really crucial during s2 when will was still directly connected to that. however, will still definitely has some connection to vecna/the upside down, which will likely complicate any plan to destroy it. like since there’s still a part of will that’s connected to the hivemind in some way, permanently killing the hivemind (not just closing the gate) would also kill will. but i also think this is a very depressing ending so i think it’s both very unlikely despite being very likely, if that makes sense

jonathan. this is kinda connected to the will point above but moreso assuming will lives. jonathans biggest fear at this point is something happening to will while he’s not there. he wasn’t home in s1 when will first got taken and he wasn’t there in s2 until almost the end. i could very easily see him sacrificing himself to protect will

i could see dustin dying just because i think it would have the biggest impact across both the older and younger teens. he’s part of the party but he’s also the closest of the kids to steve and robin, and probably the closest to nancy other than maybe mike

ok this one is kinda out there, but terry and/or becky ives. the government is still after el, they went through the byers california house and owens things, so id say it’s pretty likely they know who her mom is, if they didn’t know before. plus becky called the hawkins pd in s2 to say el was at their house and we know that the government is listening in on the phone lines, so i could see that coming back. or vecna could kill one or both of them to hurt el

i really thought mike was basically guaranteed to die until the duffers confirmed that killing him would be too sad. again this is not me saying i want mike to die, he’s great, but vecna showed nancy a vision of something happening to mike, holly, and their mom, so i really thought all of them were gonna be killed. guess not though. also with the whole el being a superhero and mike being the love interest i assumed theyd go the “villain kills the hero’s love interest” route

one of the parents, probably karen wheeler. she’s been at this weird state of almost involved in the plot for the whole show, so i could see her finally connecting everything and realizing to some extent what her children have been up to and maybe sacrificing herself for her children. or maybe she’d sacrifice her husband. that could be fun. also going back to the previous mike point, vecna showed nancy something happening to her mom. but again, mikes safe and i really don’t think they’d kill the six year old, so karen’s probably safe too

in other news i think nancy is the least likely to die because she’s basically the epitome of a final girl. also i think max is safe because they would’ve just killed her at the end of volume 2 if they weren’t bringing her back. for similar reasons i think lucas, joyce, and hopper are all safe because they have planned dates (lucas and max at the movies, joyce and hopper at enzos) and i don’t think the show will end without showing both of those or at least mentioning them happening, because they did the exact same thing with mike and el and the snow ball in s1/s2. kinda feel the same about robin because theyre clearly setting her and vickie up. and i just think they’re too scared to kill steve. and once again i refuse to entertain the thought of el dying

honestly i don’t think it makes sense to kill anyone at this point. everyone’s survived so much and there’s been so many fake out deaths that ending the show by permanently offing someone feels wrong.

#anonymous #answered #st spoilers #st4 spoilers

[rain-fluff]

Journal Nine

Have you ever discovered music you wished you had discovered earlier in your life? I have always had an affinity towards Indie Japanese Rock due to consuming a lot of anime, manga or JRPGs during my adolescence but sometimes I wish I had dug deeper and consumed more than I already do. Buck-Tick was not a band that I was remotely interested in listening except until last year where news of their vocalist passing started to circulate in my social media feeds. I only decided to listen to them sometime in mid January because I was simply curious about what it was that made them so special to many.

Kiss Me Good-bye was the first song that was recommended to me by an online friend and I genuinely did not expect to fall in love with the song as much I did. It only took me a few seconds for it to instantly click and made me think about how strong my grunge and indie sounds could actually impact me as a person. I wouldn't say I'm the most musically gifted person in the room or anything but after listening to a few tracks from their discography, I couldn't help but feel so quickly saddened by a musical talent lost.

And call me an old soul or whatever but I do feel sad knowing that rock music in general has unfortunately lost it's popularity with time. Not to say I don't listen to pop music ever but I feel like there's just no place for rock music as much as it used to be because many in the current generation are just not brought up to appreciate it as much. I also wonder how the band is like after Atsushi Sakurai's passing? Do you think they can go on? I remember Linkin Park still making music today despite Chester Bennington's passing but I think it's fair to say that there will always be a big hole that these bands can fill unlike when their vocalists were still there.

Speaking of music, I remember briefly mentioning that I auditioned for a musical performance but I never really elaborated on what happened. Well for starters, I genuinely thought I could pull of Torn by Natalie Imbruglia, only to be critiqued that I was using my second voice too much, I wasn't great with pacing my energy or breathing and I simply lacked confidence. Cool (not the judges fault by the way, I'm just dissapointed in myself looking back and their critiques we're a good way of learning what I could improve).

At some point, they suggested I try singing Back to Black by Amy Winehouse and I was surprised by myself that despite the last minute adjustment, I had a smoother experience singing said song moreso than the initial. Colour me surprised when I found out that I made the auditions to boot! Now I have to worry about the actual performance and make time for practicing a song I only remember 50% of the lyrics of but overalI think I'll do okay. (probably)

Also surprise! My beloved doll is finally here! The doll's quality is really well-made and I only wish I could get more clothes for her but this hoodie would have to do for now. I may or may not have also splurged on some Spy x Family plushies of Anya but considering they we're roughly 7 ringgit each, I had to snatch them before they sold considering cheap official merch like that is pretty rare to come by. I really need to journal in between the days of the week just to fill up these entries again. I've just been letting myself be consumed by the stress of built-up assignments. I really need to get a grip where I can.

-rain

#Spotify

[harimenui-forever]

WHAT THE FUCK IS IT CUZ I STILL DO NOT KNOW

#I can understand a character's pov and where people are coming from in theory through analysis that I have mastered in a way #if I get enough clues I can figure out how I'm supposed to be feeling...some things are better the second time around when u know #i can associate feelings with certain scenarios etc. irl it's kinda bad ig cuz idk what to do (ah the funeral fiasco) and I usually think #about ways to help moreso than feeling sad or whatever too #I listen to new things I learn... Sometimes I have to discard a part of myself reshape it take time to process things and it hurts #because opinions ideas and ideals are me and I am them (oh hello c!Wilbur) and it is one of my personal flaws I'm well aware #but on the other hand I'm an emotional trainwreck sometimes be it feeling too much or close to nothing or both at the same time #what a mess tbh #rambling #is it empathy if you feel like you've just gotten good at finding patterns in behavior and learned the expected responses? #if u see a scenario and your brain goes ''I do not understand this but maybe we should try *tries to analyze the shit out of it* okay this #is the most likely reason from the information we know... I understand now'' or is that just compassion on steroids??? #but then again when I do understand a character I feel for them and just fjnfnjfndkfntnf WHAT THE FUCK

[yanderemommabean]

Hey so i have a few scenarios that i really want to visualize/feel immersed in but i just can't picture all the sensory details (idk it might help if you pick one and expand upon it if you're feeling cool with that? No pressure tho i luv you):

Okay so imagine in an abo setting, there's a yandere alpha (you can picture anyone from any fandom or whatever oc you see fit here) that is pretty respectful/patient/tolerant of their darling omega for the most part, but there are a few exceptions where they truly let themselves go feral, such as

-grooming: the yandere wants to brush their hair, teeth, wash their face, shower/bathe with them just to be sure they're 100% clean and healthy. Bonus if they have baths for fun but darling hates it so they gotta chase or pounce on their omega in order to force a cleaning session. I think it could also be real cute if, when laying with their darling during a forced cuddle session, they start absentmindedly licking their darling like a cat- and it turns into a whole super serious cleaning session where they just *have* to be certain that darling is clean and safe

-feeding: the inherent provider part of this yandere tells them to not only cook meals that are healthy and filling for their darling, but to not eat until darling 100% clears their plate. Doesn't matter if darling is feeling sick or is just not hungry that time bc they were snacking earlier; the yandere gets grumpy as fuck and either intimidates them into finishing their meal, or ties them down and forces them too -though often in an infantilizing way moreso than a brutal one (like they'll try those "here comes the airplane" tricks you do with babies instead of forcing darling's mouth open). If darling vomits from being over-fed, then clearly the yandere reasons that they are failing as a provider, and they let darling rest while they cook a new meal to shove at them.

-protection: their darling/omega HAS to stay inside of their home, at all times, strictly to keep them safe. It would be even better if the omega nested/stayed in one room most of the time ,(or, in the yandere's mind, it would be best if darling were in bed all the time, all safe and sound, and cozy in a place where they can rest comfily) but until then the yandere tries to subtley manipulate them into doing that

(Sorry this is long, but i feel like i can sometimes come up with yandere scenarios on a logical level, but when it comes to fleshing out the sensory/imaginative details, i struggle to keep the immersion going. But it's really easy for me to get lost in your scenarios when you write so i just wanna see what you would choose to expand on, if that makes any sense?)

I really like the idea of manipulating the darling into making a nest! I mean in the eyes of the yandere there’s nothing wrong with wanting their beloved safe and sound!

So they start making subtle hints here and there. “Saw on the news about another omega being killed. Sad huh?” Or “The work world is so violent and tiring. Almost like they don’t want you there because you’re an omega”

Soon they start to bulk up the manipulation. Making claims that are just scary enough to get you thinking but not enough for you to call bullshit. “One of these days a rogue alpha might hurt you. Being home or around me is the only safe bet you have in terms of defense”.

Sooner or later the darling might just crack. Make a nest and be a good stay at home spouse. However if push comes to shove, the Alpha is prepared to stage a few incidents and give his cute strong headed mate a good scare.

Now imagine their rage and worry if the omega came home from work smelling like another alpha.

At that point? Well it’s just for safety that the omega is scented and locked into the master bedroom, surrounded by soft clothes and other items that smell of the Alpha. And it’s also just for their safety that they called their work place and said the omega is no longer an employee.

Any good mate would do that! Especially if their omega was being approached by a weak pathetic excuse for a human. What? They aren’t jealous! Shut up they’re just protective!

Cue the alpha having a pout with their arms crossed when the omega points it out.

-Mommabean

#anon confessions are amazing #yandere alpha #yandere scenarios #yandere imagines #abo dynamics #Mommabean #a/b/o mention

[mypoisonedvine]

Hungry Like The Wolf | soft!dark!Ari Levinson x reader

summary: when you need ari’s help for a secret mission with the CIA, he expects gratitude from you— and he wants a lot more than just a thank you card.

word count: nearly 6.5k

warnings: smut (dub con/coercion/sex as bartering tool), oral sex (f receiving) and vaginal sex, overstimulation, possessiveness/very very slight yandere vibes?, some violence and gun use, mentions of human trafficking/warfare, religious discussions and traditions but not particularly orthodox ones, vague discussions of sexism and misogyny with implied religious background, overall just lots of global politics and all that fun stuff

(a/n: I went ahead and wrote the hebrew and arabic in english lettering because tumblr doesn’t support right to left text so just a heads up.  my arabic is very weak so I apologize if there are any errors.)

Taking a deep breath, you ran through your pitch in your head again.  Sure, you’d had plenty of time to go over it on the plane, but one last recitation couldn’t hurt, right?  Unable to stall any longer, you turned the knob and entered Ari Levinson’s office.

You’d heard he was good-looking but his appearance still surprised you; his long hair and thick beard made him look like he’d fit in with a rock band better than an intelligence agency, and his half-buttoned shirt put his Star of David necklace and muscled, hairy chest on display.

He must have caught your gaze trailing down because he smirked at you, making your cheeks feel a bit warm.

“Mr. Levinson,” you greeted as you looked up to his face again.

He greeted you as ‘Ms.’ instead of ‘Agent,’ but you let it slide since you were about to ask him for quite the favor.  When he motioned for you to take a seat across from him, you did so with a nod and a quick smoothing of your skirt.

“So, what can I help you with?” he prompted. 

This was the easy part; this was the part you’d rehearsed a thousand times.  “There is a group of trafficked women and girls who have been rescued from all over— Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Kuwait— and gathered in Riyadh.  We are working on a plan to move them to Cyprus and, eventually, Greece where they will be accepted into a camp there.  Maybe they’ll end up in the States at some point, if we can swing it, but… Cyprus is step one.”

Ari nodded, listening to your story with more patience than anyone else had so far.

“As you can imagine, it would be a lot easier to move through Jordan and Israel and use your ports, rather than go around through Egypt or Syria…”  He stared at you expectantly as you trailed off, and you cleared your throat before finishing:  "The CIA would greatly appreciate Mossad's cooperation in the movement of these refugees."

"How much would they appreciate it?"

You paused, unsure what he meant.  "Um, quite a lot, I'm sure…"

"I just mean that we have missions the CIA could be a useful assist for, too,” he clarified, interlacing his fingers and resting his hands on his lap.  “You guys have a lot more resources than we do.  If we help you out, is this going to be an allyship we can rely on?"

You swallowed dryly, pondering if there was a way to get out of this before you sighed and slumped down in your chair, leaning a little closer to him.  "Alright, I have to be honest with you: it's not really the CIA that's asking for your help."

"Then who is?"

"Me.  Just me.  I'm the only one who believes in this mission; I'm the only one fighting for these people.  The CIA won't help you because they won't even help me and I work for them."

He slumped his shoulders a little bit.  "Then I'm not sure if I can afford to say yes to you."

"Please," you implored, "I know I can't offer you as much as they can, but I'll do whatever I can to make this work.  Please," you repeated as you laid your hand over his, noticing the way his expression shifted a bit, "help me."

"I've been the one person fighting for a mission before," he remembered, voice a little softer.  "I know how hard it is to go it alone."

You smiled gently at him.

"And, I know how far I would've gone to get my people to safety." 

His hand flipped around suddenly and grabbed yours tightly, pulling you closer as you gasped.

"How far will you go?"

You shivered, the darkness in his eyes burning right through you even when you tried to look away.  "Mr. Levinson, I—"

"Call me Ari," he instructed gruffly, grip tightening around your wrist until you yelped softly.

"Ari," you corrected, "I have money—"

"Don't want it."

"I can offer you my assistance in—"

"Don't need it."

"Tell me what you need,” you requested softly.

"I need to know you're gonna show me this 'great appreciation' you promised,” he answered quickly.  “I need to know that if I take care of you, then you'll take care of me."

You gulped but nodded.  "O-of course…"

"Good."

He released you from his grip and stood up, smiling at you like nothing had even happened.

"Pleasure doing business with you, madam."

You stood up and left his office in a haze, unsure if what had just happened was a dream or reality.  But, sure enough, he showed up the next day where you’d told him to meet you, and brought some money and fake passports that you desperately needed.  Frankly, just having a man around was going to make things smoother for you, even if it was a white man who didn’t exactly blend in by any stretch of the imagination.  Seeing him again the next day only reminded you how big he was, tall but moreso heavy with muscle; he looked pretty cramped in his tiny coach seat on the plane to Dubai (your connecting stop where you’d spend the night before flying out to Riyadh).

“Bloody mary, please,” he requested from the stewardess with a gentle nod, turning to you.

“Uh, just water, thanks,” you ordered quickly with a tilted smile.  You had brought a book to read, but Ari insisted on barraging you with personal questions about your job, your personal life, your favorite things— he seemed fascinated by the most mundane things, and disinterested in giving his own backstory.  

Of course you considered that it wasn’t a great idea to tell him so much about yourself, let him in your head and under your skin.  But then again, you’d put your trust in him enough for the mission, so you ought to trust him completely, right?  

So why did his stare send shivers up your spine?

//  

There was room for you and Ari at a CIA safehouse outside Dubai; it wasn’t exactly luxurious or anything, but at least you weren’t going to have to share a room… or a bed.

Normally staying in a safehouse meant sharing common areas with a random assortment of other agents, but it being a Friday night in Dubai meant they were all out enjoying the local nightlife while you two stayed in.  Hoping to review a game plan for the mission with him, you found Ari’s door open, peeking around to see him on his knees on the floor, a candle burning before him, and his hands raised to cover his eyes and face.

“Shema Yisrael,” he sung to himself below his breath, “Adonai Eloheinu, Adonai Ehad…”

He jumped a little when he uncovered and opened his eyes only to find you standing there.  “Shabbat Shalom,” you greeted.

“Shabbat Shalom,” he nodded back.  

“I’m sorry you’re forced to take your Shabbat alone,” you apologized, “and that there’s nobody other than me to appreciate your vocal chops.”

His cheeks tinged pink at that.  “It’s all part of the sacrifices we make for our missions, eh?”

“Then I suppose you don’t mind that you’ll be doing plenty of work tomorrow,” you presumed.

“You probably realized by now that I’m not actually so traditional,” he chuckled, extinguishing the candle and standing up.  “I work on the sabbath quite a lot.”

“I hear work is permitted if it is needed to save a life.”

He smiled, but he looked a little sad; maybe not sad, but tired.  “With me, it always is.”

The silence was thick as you tried to reconcile that this was the same man that had grabbed and threatened you— was it a threat?  You couldn’t even tell anymore.  Apparently he wasn’t going to take whatever it was that he wanted until you’d finished the mission, and that should’ve made it easier to procrastinate your worry, but the extra time to ponder what it was actually going to be only brought further anxiety.

Of course, you had an idea of what he was going to ask of you, but the fact that nothing too untoward had happened in his office when you first met him was throwing you off.  In that moment, you were just waiting for him to tell you to get on your knees and show him how bad you wanted these women rescued, but he didn’t.  Wouldn’t have been the first time somebody tried to bribe you into sex; it would’ve been the first time, however, that you actually considered doing it.

Now, the anticipation just made it worse; you were working with him every day and he always acted normal, as if there wasn’t this looming threat of whatever favor he was going to ask from you in return.

Once you actually got to work the next day, it was easier not to think about that.  You barely had any extra brainpower to think about anything except survival and extraction.  Still, each time you looked at him only to find him already looking at you, your hands shook a little.

//

“You’ve been driving for 10 hours, you’re sure you don’t want me to take the wheel?” you offered, watching him blink a few times to clear his vision.

“Not worth getting arrested,” he frowned.

“We’ll only get arrested if we get caught.”

“Not worth the risk of getting caught.  And I don’t know about you, but if I get arrested here, I’ll probably be killed, too.”

You chewed your lip as you appreciated that it was probably worth avoiding as much trouble as possible.  It’s not like the CIA was popular in these parts, either, and for good reason.

“What’s that up ahead?” he asked, leaning further forward against the steering wheel and squinting.

“Um,” you stalled as you unfolded the paper map in your lap, “I’m… not sure.”

“Looks like a barricade,” he announced, and it did; a gate with two guards and barbed wire on either side.

“There isn’t supposed to be a stop here,” you reminded him as you frantically shuffled around the map, making sure you were where you thought you were and that there wasn’t a mark indicating a vehicle stop on the road.

“What do we do?” he asked, looking around as if he was considering veering off the path even though that would be equally dangerous.

“There isn’t supposed to be a stop here,” you repeated, more anxiously.

“Well, there is,” he replied, his own agitation clearly increasing, “so we’ll have to go through it.”

“They’re going to pull us over.”

“Probably,” he admitted.

“And they will search the back of the truck.”

“I’d be surprised if they didn’t.  How well do you think they’re gonna take it when they see eighty-something women packed like sardines?”

You chuckled a little even though you were anything but amused.  “Um, not good.”

As the men at the stop waved to signal your car to slow down, Ari sighed a little.  "I'll ask once again: what do we do?"

"Act natural," you suggested quickly as you lifted the scarf draped around your head to cover your nose and mouth.

Ari slowed down to a stop, lowering the window to talk to the officer outside and putting on a fake English accent.  “How can I help you, sir?”

“Identification please,” he requested sternly.  Ari smiled as he grabbed his and your passports, handing them over through the window.  It was a long, awkward moment as he flipped through the thick papers slowly, his partner leaning down to look through your window but never taking his hands off his gun.  “What brings you out here?” the man finally asked.

“My wife and I operate a restaurant in Jordan, and we get most of our equipment here because the workmanship is better,” Ari explained.  “Just passing through with our new stoves and oven hood.”

The officer glanced back over your truck, his expression mostly unreadable but overall not necessarily friendly-looking.  “Could you step out of the vehicle please?”

“Hal hdha daruri?” you asked quickly; Is this necessary?

“Alsamt,” he replied in a hiss; Silence.

Ari looked around like he was thinking but nodded and reached for the handle to his door.  You did the same, the second guard stepping out of your way so you could swing open the rusted metal and step out.

The men guided for you to circle the car with them, stopping at the back and staring at the metal sliding door that was latched shut.

Turning to address Ari, the guard’s face dropped completely as he got a bit more serious.  “What am I going to find in your vehicle?”

“Kitchen supplies, like I said,” Ari insisted.

As the officer reached for the latch on the back of the truck, Ari shot you a wide-eyed look and you gave him a quick nod.  He lunged at the second guard, wrestling him for his gun while you went after the first, who was much easier to take down with him being distracted by trying to unlock the back of the truck.  Your CIA instincts told you to shoot him once you’d grabbed his weapon, but thankfully you knocked him out with the butt of it instead.

Loud pops of gunfire beside you made you fear the worst, but Ari had managed to push the gun toward the sky before pulling it out of the officer’s grasp, swinging it wildly until it made contact with his head and he fell to the ground.

Gun in hand and panting heavily, Ari looked back at you with a grin.  “That wasn’t so bad.”

“You almost got shot,” you reminded him.

“A little more than almost,” he corrected, showing you a gash where a bullet had grazed arm.

“Shit, Ari!” you yelped, running over to him and inspecting the wound.  The way he looked down at you as you clutched him made you sort of regret it, though.

“It’s fine,” he assured you, but he made no effort to push you away.

“I… should check on the girls,” you decided, a little bit distracted but making your way back to the truck to roll up the metal back and examine the women inside, who looked scared at first but relaxed when they saw you.

“Kli shay' ealaa ma yaram,” you assured them that everything was fine, “nahn taqribaan 'iilaa al'urduni, wasawf nasil 'iilaa alsafinat allaylat.”  We're almost to Jordan and will arrive at the ship tonight.

They relaxed a bit and smiled at you, a few muttered ‘shukraan jazilaan’s (meaning ‘thank you’) echoing from inside.  You hated to shut the back and plunge them into darkness again, but they had assured you before that they would brave any conditions for a chance at freedom.  You hoped they meant it.

“Please, let me drive, you’re injured,” you offered to Ari as he started to make his way toward the driver’s side door.

“It’s not even that bad, and we’ve had enough run-ins with the law today,” he dismissed.

“Then let me patch you up first, okay?  Is that so terrible?”

He smiled a little.  “No, I guess not.”

And that was how you ended up leaning on him in the passenger seat, supergluing his arm shut, trying not to think about how his bicep was probably bigger than your head.

“You’re a pretty good medic,” he observed, speaking quietly since you were so close.

“When you’re as clumsy as I am, you have to be,” you responded, sounding monotone due to focusing mostly on your work.  “It shouldn’t scar too—”

You stopped when you looked up at him, because the way he was staring back down at you made you completely devoid of the ability to speak or even conjure words in your mind.  You’d never seen him so close before and those piercing blue eyes made your head spin.

“What were you gonna say?” he asked softly, 

“It… shouldn’t scar too bad,” you finished, “as long as you keep it clean and dry.”

“I generally aim to keep my entire body clean and dry,” Ari chuckled.

“Right, yeah, well— keep up the good work, then,” you stammered as you wrapped some gauze around his arm and rolled his sleeve back down over it.

“Let’s hit the road before we waste any more time,” he suggested, and with a nod you leaned back into your seat.

//

The radio blasting was the only thing keeping both of you awake as you drove through the dark.  The border to Jordan was easy enough, and both of you sighed with relief as you crossed into Israel.  It was by far the biggest blockade you’d seen so far, but of course, Ari got you in faster than you’d moved through anything else.

“Good to be home?” you asked when you saw Ari smiling as he looked around at the streetlights through the windshield.

“You could say that,” he answered.  “Think we have time to stop for falafel before we get to the port?”

“Not unless you plan on buying for all your passengers,” you laughed, motioning toward the back.  “If they have to wait until we reach the ship, so do we.”

“Yeah, that’s fair,” he relented.  “Besides, probably better to be seen by as few people as possible.  Even if we’re in friendly territory, it’s still a covert operation and all.”

“Wow, so you do have some desire to play by the rules,” you gasped in faux shock.  He smiled and shrugged a bit.

“More like the rules and my desires occasionally overlap.”

It was past midnight when you pulled into the port, surrounded by ships so big that you couldn’t see the tops of them from inside the car.  A cargo ship was waiting for you, along with some Navy men who helped you escort the women onto the vessel.

Since it wasn’t meant to accommodate this many people, the refugees occupied extra crew space while you and Ari were given sleeping bags in an unused office; you were so tired, though, that it actually looked enticing.

As soon as you’d set your pack down and shut the door, you heard a distant horn and felt the ship begin to move.  You let out a long sigh as you leaned against the desk, watching Ari take a seat in the chair and start laughing exhaustedly.

“We did it,” you smiled, “we fucking did it.”

“We’ve still got a long boat ride ahead of us,” Ari mitigated, “but yeah… we should be in the clear, and tomorrow afternoon we’ll be in sunny Cyprus.”

You were so elated from the high of a successful mission that you forgot to worry about Ari’s vague request all those weeks ago; it was probably the first time you hadn’t thought about it since then, truthfully.  That changed when his smile fell as he looked up at you, eyes darkening a little and scanning your body.

“You’re a great agent,” he nodded slowly, “and an incredible woman.  You saved a lot of people tonight.”

You shifted nervously under the weight of his stare, but tried to hide your discomfort.  “I… couldn’t have done it without you.”

“I know,” he informed you coldly, standing up and approaching you.  “I think I’ve gone above and beyond on my end of our deal.”

A pit formed in your stomach, growing with each step he took towards you.  His eyes stayed trained on you except for when he glanced to the side to flip on the radio, American music suddenly piping through the speakers.

— discord and rhyme, I’m on the hunt, I’m after you…

You looked to the radio as well but his hand gently guided your jaw until you looked back at him; he was closer than ever, and you had to look up to meet his gaze, shivering as he ran his thumb over your bottom lip slowly.

“Are you good for your end of the deal?” he asked lowly.

And I’m hungry like the wolf…

You swallowed, hoping it would somehow ease the ache in your gut as you realized what was about to happen, before nodding meekly.

He smirked a little.  “Good girl,” he praised, only a bit louder than a whisper, as his hand moved to cradle your face.  “You want me, don’t you?”

Your brow furrowed as you tried to figure out how you were supposed to answer that.  “I want to repay you, for all you’ve done for me.”

“No, not just that,” he disagreed, “you want me.  I know you do.  You don’t need to hide it, we’re alone…”

Hesitant but catching on to his desires, you nodded a little.

“Say it.”

“I want you, Ari,” you whispered.  

It felt like forever waiting for him to kiss you as he leaned in slowly, eyes half-lidded and dark but never leaving you.  As his lips brushed against yours, you finally let your eyes flutter shut and reciprocated his kiss.  His hands felt especially big as one slipped behind your neck and the other rested on your waist; in fact, with the way you had to crane your head up to kiss him back, all of him felt big.  Including the part you were pretty sure just bumped against the inside of your thigh.

His kiss was soft and patient but determined, slow but somehow still moving faster than you were ready for.  You gingerly reached up and rested your hands on his shoulders; they were strong and warm beneath your touch, even through his shirt.  You couldn’t think of the last time you’d been kissed like this, or held so tenderly like this, but then again, you were also sure that nobody had scared you like this in a long time, either.  For a woman who always knew what to do in a dangerous situation, you couldn’t seem to get a read on Ari Levinson— mostly because you didn’t truly believe he was dangerous.  But maybe you should.

When his hands reached up to start unbuttoning your blouse, you pushed him back a little.

"N-not here," you protested, "someone could hear, or walk in."

"There's nowhere else to go, and I'm not waiting 'til Cyprus.  I need you now."

He kissed you again before you could respond, more forceful and desperate.  You let him work open your shirt this time, his fingers dancing over your skin as he pulled it off your shoulders and tossed it aside.  The feeling of him working your bra open made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, but his tongue slipping into your mouth distracted you and before you knew it, it was gone as well.  Your nipples hardened in the cold air— or maybe they’d been that way already, for whatever reason— but they reacted even stronger to his thick fingers gently pinching them as his palms cupped your breasts.

You gasped against his mouth a bit, your breathing getting heavier as he moved his hands down to your trousers.  The idea of being naked when he was still fully-dressed scared you, but you didn’t have time to think about that anymore when he pulled back to drop to his knees, taking your pants and underwear to the floor with him.

He looked back up at you with a mischievous grin as you cautiously stepped out of them.  After guiding you to sit up on the table, neither of you stopping to consider how rude it was to put your bare ass on somebody’s desk in a borrowed ship, he slowly parted your legs.  As he kissed a trail inside your thigh, you felt your hands clutch the edge of the table tightly with anticipation.  You felt so exposed with his face right there, to the point that your cheeks were burning with embarrassment, and yet you couldn't manage to tear your eyes away from his as he leaned in to lick you teasingly with the tip of his tongue.

"Fuck," you shivered, feeling your inner walls quiver as he moved so delicately.  You kept waiting for him to really get into it but he was determined to stay gentle and slow, circling your bud for one glorious moment before stopping again.  "Ari, please," you whispered without even realizing you’d said it.

"What do you want, baby?" he asked darkly, his voice deep and gravelly as he ran his hands up the back of your legs.

Your begging whimper was so pathetic you could hardly believe you were hearing yourself.  "More, please…"

He dove right in after that, suddenly latching onto your clit and letting his tongue explore every fold, every wrinkle, every sensitive spot with thick, wide licks.  Your head fell back and your hands jumped to weave into his hair— that gorgeous fucking hair that had driven you halfway insane.  It was soft between your fingers, and in this light you could see the touches of red, blonde, and maybe even grey scattered into the brunette.  Better yet was the way he moaned against you when you accidentally pulled it, your hands clenching into fists against his scalp each time he sucked on your clit just right.

"Ari, baby, fuck," you groaned, feeling your hips shift a little as if to try to get more of yourself in his mouth.

Sensation was sparking under your skin faster than you knew what to do with it, faster than you had ever figured out on your own, and definitely faster than anybody else had ever managed.  You felt your body shaking and couldn’t suppress it at all, every part of you (inside and out) quivering uncontrollably.  It would’ve been embarrassing except that he seemed to be enjoying it quite a bit, egging you on with his tight grip on your thighs, and his deep moans that reverberated over your body, and the way his brow furrowed like it almost pained him to see you like this.  Your back arched so dramatically that he had to hold onto your hips tight to keep you in his mouth, but he managed to maintain what he'd been doing— in fact, he didn't stop even when you started to whine and cry, feet digging into his back as you tried not to explode from the overstimulation on your sensitive clit.  

"S-stop, s'too much, can't take it," you pleaded, looking down at him.

He looked back up at you with dark, dilated eyes that said 'you're gonna take it.'  His tongue lapped at you with renewed vigor, sending you tumbling over the edge again and again and again.

Tears were streaming down your face when he finally relented, standing up slowly and staring you down as he wiped his face with the back of his hand; your arousal had coated his mouth and most of his beard, too.  You bit down on your lip to stop it from shaking as he slotted himself between your legs again, slowly unbuttoning his shirt and smiling as he watched your gaze trail down every inch of newly-exposed skin.

You knew he was in good shape, because it was always obvious, but you still shivered a little when you were greeted with chiseled muscles, dusty-blonde hair, a few stray freckles and scars, and last but not least, the gauze wrapping on his arm where you’d patched him up before.  It was nice to see a piece of your handiwork on something so flawless, like how it must feel to design the frame that holds a Monet.  Your mouth was even watering as you followed the trail of hair down to where it was interrupted by his jeans, which were misshapen with the unmistakable outline of his neglected cock.  Either you could actually hear it throbbing, or that was just your heartbeat in your ears as he made a show of undoing his buckle and fly slowly.  

A breath caught in your throat as he slid the jeans down and kicked them off with his boots, his cock bouncing up against the bottom of his abs once he’d freed it.  You hoped to hide your intimidation, but you must have failed from the way he smirked and licked his lips as he stepped forward and pressed it against your stomach; you felt a little dizzy seeing the head of it reach past your bellybutton.  "That's how deep I'm gonna be in you, baby."

For all his delicacy and tenderness in everything before now, he must have had a change of heart; with a little growl, he pushed all the way into you with one brutal thrust, watching darkly as your head fell back in a choked scream.  He didn’t stop for very long, either, setting up a pace that was slow but unyielding, his length filling every part of you and then some with each slam of his hips into yours.

He grabbed your hair tightly and suddenly, pulling your head back to expose your neck to him.  He licked and sucked along your pulse until you were shaking against him, nails accidentally digging into his shoulders a little bit as you held onto him.

His lips trailed up to pull you into a frenzied, sloppy kiss, your mouth slack wide for him to explore however he wanted.

"Tell me how it feels," he growled against your lips.

It feels like my body is on fire but I like it.  It feels like you're shaping my insides to fit you exactly how you want.  It feels like you might split me in half before you're done with me, but if you stop now I'll fall apart even worse.

His grip on your hair tightened at your lack of response.  "Gettin' fucked too good to answer me, huh?  So full of my cock you can't even speak.  Is that right, pretty baby?"

You nodded as you buried your face in the crook of his neck, your hoarse moans and sobs muffled by his skin.  

"Aw, poor thing," he purred, wrapping his arms around your back.  His lips brushed against your ear as he spoke to you in a deep mumble, the bass of his voice sending shivers down your spine with each word.  "You don't have to tell me, I know how it feels… you're so wet that you're fucking dripping, your needy little pussy is clamping down on me like it's the end of the fucking world, and you're screaming for me so loud I bet half the ship can hear you.  I know how it feels, baby; it feels so good that you're already about to come for me."

You gasped as he pushed you to lay back on the table, hoisting your legs up over his shoulders; you felt a bit whorish seeing your legs up in the air like that, especially when he leaned to the side to plant a wet kiss on your calf.

Soon he was letting your legs slip back down to his hips, leaning over you and caging you in with his thick arms, watching your face as he started to fuck you harder.  His long hair was at risk of tickling you as it fell down beside your face, but it was that Star of David necklace that was dangling from his neck and swinging right in your face with every thrust.  Slightly annoyed by it hitting your face from time to time, you stuck out your tongue to catch it, holding it between your teeth and finding that biting down on it helped you cope with the slight pain of him so deep inside you anyways.

"Baby," he moaned, inspired by the sight to grab your hips even tighter and slam into you even harder.  "Fuck, I'm close," he hissed.  "Gonna fill you up so good, baby, gonna ruin you for anybody else, huh?"

"Yes, Ari," you whimpered.  "I'm close, too…"

"Go ahead, pretty girl, wanna feel how tight you get when you come— when I make you come."

Trying to hold it back only made it hit you harder, and as your moans grew louder and your body began to shake, you felt your walls flutter and flex intensely.  He pulled his necklace out of your mouth and kissed you suddenly; it kept you grounded as you feared that the rest of you would float away, lost in pleasure so thoroughly that you'd never come back to reality.  His moans mixed with yours as they moved between your tongues, and just when you thought you'd break into pieces if he didn't slow down, you felt his movements stutter and his cock pump inside you.  You couldn't feel the warmth of it because you were already so hot all over, but the way his cock swelled as he came was unmistakable and overwhelmingly erotic.

He broke the kiss but didn't pull away, catching his breath while he stayed inside you, resting his forehead against yours.  

After cooling off for a moment, he scooped your limp body into his arms and lifted you into his chest; you wrapped around him and let him carry you to the other side of the room where he set you down on the pallet sleeping bags and blankets.  You whimpered as he pulled out, his softening cock still big enough to make you wince.  The gush of warm, sticky come made your cheeks burn even if it also sent a dulled tingle of arousal up your spine.  He was gentlemanly enough to wipe you off with a towel, mumbling something about how pretty you looked stuffed with his come, but you couldn't really focus on any of that because you were still waiting for sensation to return to your numbed extremities— brain included.

He turned his head and laid it on your chest, and you found yourself absent-mindedly scratching his scalp with your nails.

"That's nice," he whispered, but you could tell that already by the way his skin was erupting into goosebumps, and the way he held you tighter.

You must've laid like that for hours, or maybe it was just a few minutes, but it was one of those moments that felt like a piece of forever.  He lifted his head to look up at you, pulling you down a bit so his face hovered over yours.

"What's next for you after you get these women to Greece?" he asked quietly.

You chewed your lip as you thought about that.  "Back to DC, I figure, and then wherever they send me next.  I hear they might want me undercover in Cuba or Russia…"

"How often do you end up in Jerusalem?"

You squirmed a little beneath him, but he slipped his arm under your neck and pulled you closer; how were you supposed to think with his bicep right by your face like that?  "Uh, not often, but if I'm in town I'll give you a call—"

"Come with me," he requested softly.  "Get to Cyprus, go to Greece, and then meet me in Tel Aviv."

"Ari, I can't—"

"Why not?"

You laughed a little, but he clearly wasn’t joking.  "Because I have a job?"

"You won't need a job," he shrugged, "I make good money and you can just live with me."

Your throat went dry as you stammered, trying to figure out if he had seriously just asked you to quit your job and move in with him.

"You'll like Israel.  You speak some Hebrew don't you?"

"Uhh, yeah but—"

"Then what's stopping you?"

You couldn't answer because you didn't even know where to start with all the things that were stopping you.  Your mouth opened and closed silently like a fish out of water, and he laughed at you lightly.  

"Just say yes," he encouraged gently, and your heart twisted as you wondered if this was part of the deal, if you needed to do everything he wanted to keep him on your side.  You were on an Israeli ship, sailing international waters; if he changed his mind now, he could still sell you out and have these people arrested or worse.  But he wouldn't do that, right?

Perhaps the more important question was not 'would he do that?' but rather 'are you willing to find out?'

"Yes," you heard yourself answer before you even realized you were considering it.  

He grinned, hugging you tightly.  He was already rambling about how great it was going to be and how he would spoil you all the time and maybe find a way to get you hired as a contractor at Mossad so he could bring you along on missions, but you couldn't hear it past the ringing in your ears. You desperately needed sleep, and his arms were warm and welcoming as you drifted off.  He kissed your forehead before letting his eyes fall shut as well, joining you in unconsciousness.  

The swaying of the ship was like being rocked to sleep, so much so that you slept for an uncharacteristically long time: you were just a few hours out from your destination when you awoke, in fact.

Instead of getting up and attempting to acquire some food, you laid there staring up at the ceiling as his heavy arm draped over your chest.   Even in his sleep he had power over you, refused to let you go.  You tried to remember how you'd ended up in this situation but instead you found yourself fantasizing about a chance at love.  After running around the world for so long, there weren't many good men left to settle down with.  And Ari was maybe not an entirely good man, but you believed him when he said he would treat you well.  You'd shacked up with a lot worse in your time, when you were young and reckless and thought the worst thing you could be was alone.  Still, a long-suppressed desire for companionship was awakening in your mind and you weren't going to swallow it back down this time.  Smiling, you lifted his hand to your lips and kissed his knuckles.  If what he wanted in exchange for his cooperation was your affection, you could do that.

#ari levinson x reader #dark!ari levinson x reader #ari levinson smut #chris evans x reader #ari levinson x you

[farfromharry]

The one with homecoming | Peter’s girl

Summary: You accompany Mj to homecoming when Peter decides to go with Liz, but eventually end up comforting Peter after he gets into a large fight as Spiderman

Word count - 2,600

warnings - mentions of injuries, maybe some language?

━━━━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━━━━

Homecoming was fastly approaching, and after the year you and your friends had had, you were more than excited. You were hoping that you and Mj could go together, as friends of course, no boys that would only serve to ruin your night with how irritating they were; yes, that included Ned and Peter.

“What if I asked Peter to Homecoming?” she said abruptly, breaking the comfortable silence you’d been in while eating together. You nearly choked on your food for multiple reasons. One, that was a very bold thing to do for Mj, and two, you really didn’t want her to go with Peter. She stared at you with wide eyes while you took a swig of your water to cool your burning throat, expecting some kind of explanation for that reaction.

“No, no boys,” you whined, hand reaching over to link your fingers with Mj’s across the table. “Let’s just go together.” She ignored the evident pleading and excitement in your eyes, the girl telling you that she really wanted to try her luck with Peter, finally find out if he likes her back. You were convinced your heart could have shattered right there, but you instead plastered a playful pout on your lips instead, showing your disapproval of the idea. “Still don’t think it’s a good idea,” you murmured, moreso under your breath so she wouldn’t hear you, retracting your hand from hers rather defeatedly.

“What was that?”

You opened your mouth to stutter out a response when you were thankfully saved by the bell, though not the actual bell, in this case it was a frantic and flustered looking Peter Parker. You and Mj shared a look of simultaneous confusion, watching as the boy took a seat opposite you, seeming quite out of breath.

“I need your help,” he said, trying to take a second to catch his breath before he explained what was going on.

“Why?” Mj asked, looking quite unimpressed that he’d interrupted your conversation, even if it was actually about him and her feelings for said boy. He took a deep breath, looking at you both with a tight lipped, nearsay awkward, smile.

“I just asked Liz to Homecoming.” For the second time in the span of such little time, you choked on your food, finding Peter’s words very difficult to believe. You stared at him with wide eyes, trying to figure out how this incredible socially awkward boy could ever ask the gorgeous, social butterfly of the school to a very crowded school event.

Mj could physically feel her heart sink and she nearly felt sick. However, like always she hid behind that same face of uninterest, feigning the idea that those words didn’t stab into her chest everytime they repeated over and over in her head.

“That’s amazing Pete, but I don’t know how we can help?” you said. You’d hoped the words would discourage him enough that he’d go ask Ned or something about all his questions, leaving you and the heartbroken Mj to not have to deal with this. But clearly he didn’t get the hint.

“I-I need you to help me with, you know, girls.”

You sighed, feeling Mj’s tense energy even from just sitting beside her, and part of you wondered how Peter couldn’t feel it too. But looking at the boy he looked so happy, practically glowing and flashing you that innocent smile that you didn’t know how to say no to. With another sigh you decided you’d do this yourself, you wouldn’t force Mj to sit and listen to you talk about how Peter can impress a girl that isn’t her.

“Why don’t you swing by my place tonight, I’ll uh, help you out.’ You mentally smiled to yourself at the accidental pun you’d thrown in there. Swing, Spiderman, get it?

“You’re a lifesaver Y/N, thank you,” he said, scattering away to probably go and tell Ned the good news.

Between you and Mj now was a very uncomfortable silence. You didn’t know if it was because you’d agreed to help Peter or if she was still dwelling on his date not being her, and the fact she didn’t even get to ask him first. Either way though you had no idea how to start a new conversation, the two of you sitting silently side by side. Thankfully this time you were saved by the literal bell, a muttered thank you coming from you.

“I’ll see you later,” you said, standing from your seat and offering her a warm smile which unfortunately wasn’t returned. “Whatever.”

»»——⍟——««

The build up to homecoming felt like hell for Mj. She’d voiced to you over the last week all her worries about having to watch Peter and Liz getting to be all lovey-dovey all night and your heart broke for her. You could tell even though she was opening up to you about this, she was still much more hurt by the idea than she was letting on and you’d never been more angry at the clueless boy.

You’d try to assure and reassure her plenty of times that what they got up two didn’t matter. The two of you were going to have fun and you were going to enjoy yourselves tonight without any more heartache. After all Peter was just a dumb high school boy.

When the actual night arrived the girl was freaking out more than you think you’d ever seen her freak out. Some part of her was convinced she had to look perfect just in case Peter so happened to glance her way at any point during the night.

So here you were helping her get ready. She’d bought a pretty dress and insisted on doing her hair the same way as usual after you tried another style and she decided she hated it. She’d obviously apologised for momentarily snapping at you but you’d understood she was feeling really stressed.

You knew what it was like to constantly try and impress someone and fail each and every time, so you couldn’t blame her attempts at trying.

It didn’t take too long for both of you to get ready, however Mj was quick to begin doubting herself as she stared in the mirror for too long. You could see the insecurity on her face and your heart panged with sympathy.

“You’re going to kill tonight,” you said. You could tell your words had an effect on her as she began to shyly play with her hands. You grinned to yourself, bringing her hands in yours and up to your mouth to press a sweet kiss onto her knuckles. “You’re so perfect,” you told her.

Of course you didn’t actually want Peter to realise what was right in front of him and date Mj, but you weren’t going to hurt her because of your own feelings.

“Well, we should head out while we still look hot,” you said, sending her a wink that had her rolling her eyes at you. She took your hand and watched as your smile grew wider as she led you out of your apartment. “Let’s go.”

»»——⍟——««

The night felt like it was flying by with the amount of fun you were having. After making sure Mj couldn’t keep her eyes on Peter she loosened up quite a bit. You’d actually managed to get the stubborn girl to dance with you a little bit, something that not a single part of you expected to happen.

It was only when moving to get another drink you saw Liz sitting alone on the bleachers, no Peter in sight. You tapped Mj’s shoulder to draw her attention to it, motioning over to the girl. If she was being honest, her first reaction was relief, relief that her crush wasn’t dancing the night away with a girl that wasn’t her.

But after a quick re-evaluation of her feelings, she felt a strand of sympathy grow for the girl, but only a really really miniscule one.

“We have to help her,” you reasoned, trying to talk some sense into your friend. With a hesitant answer she nodded, swallowing her hurt and pride and following you over to the bleachers where Liz looked as though she was ready to cry.

She saw the two of you approach and offered you both a weak smile, having no protest to you taking a seat beside her.

“Are you okay?” you asked. She chuckled quietly, probably at herself for getting so worked up over a teenage boy, but nevertheless shook her head.

“He left. He said he was sorry and left.”

She truly did sound hurt by his actions, and you were mentally cursing Peter for hurting yet another sweet girl that didn’t deserve his stupidity.

“Where did he go?” you asked, trying to console the girl. She just shrugged, resting her head on your shoulder sadly as Mj watched the two of you. You rubbed your hand up and down Liz’s back, sending your best friend a warning glare as you saw the way her eyes sparkled. Whether it was out of hope or happiness, neither were appropriate right now.

Part of Mj really was happy that Peter had abandoned Liz. She’d told you that the only thing that could possibly ruin tonight was having to watch them together the whole night when she desperately wished it was her.

“I’m sorry Liz,” she said, pushing her feelings aside to try and be the bigger person. The girl nodded, flashing Mj a sad smile as she brought her hands up to wipe any stray tears.

“I think,” she started, drawing your and Mj’s attention to her. “I think I’m just going to go home.”

Your anger towards Peter only increased with Liz’s words. “Are you sure? You can stay with us if you’d like,” you offered. You could feel Mj’s glare burning into your side as you said the words and the girl was sure she’d cry if Liz was to agree to your suggestion.

Luckily for her though, Liz was quick to deny, telling you both that she really would prefer to go home than keep getting stares of pity and feel this deep sense of embarrassment. It isn’t everyday that someone gets stood up by a ‘nerd’ like Peter Parker, especially not someone like Liz Allan.

The two of you watched as she left the gym, ignoring the stares of nosey teenagers.

As soon as the doors were closed again you turned your full attention to Mj. “I’m proud of you,” you whispered, leaning your head on her shoulder. She sighed, shaking her head but leaning it on top of yours anyway.

“I was being selfish-“ she tried to argue. “But you did the right thing in the end,” you said, wrapping your arms around her in a comforting way. You felt the way the apples of her cheeks pressed against your head more defined and you just knew she was smiling at your words.

“Now, let’s go enjoy our night.”

»»——⍟——««

You were over the moon by the time you got back to your apartment that night. Your parents had made you tell them all about it and you could hardly contain your excitement from the night you’d spent dancing away with Mj. But overall, you were still exhausted and you were ready to just crawl into your bed and sleep for the next few hours.

You entered your room with your smile still permanently stuck on your face, closing the door behind you and pressing your back to the wood as you tried to calm your excitement from the night.

You didn’t expect someone to already be in your room, sitting on your bed to be exact. You flipped on the light and nearly had a heart attack upon seeing the suited boy sitting there, clutching his ribs with a pained expression on his face.

“Peter, oh my god,” You shrieked, trying to keep your voice down so you didn’t alert your parents. The boy’s face was beaten black and blue and from the way he was walking and clutching at his stomach, the rest of him wasn’t much better. “What happened to you?” you asked, rushing over to him to take a close look at his injuries. You could see the tears forming in his waterline and your heart ached for him, carefully wrapping your arms around him.

“Come on,” you said, leading him to your bathroom, a very familiar occurrence recently. Neither of you spoke while you tended to the cuts on his face. You wanted to let him tell you what happened when he was ready, plus you didn’t exactly feel like talking as you tried to quickly come down from the excitement of the night.

Your eyes caught sight of his hand resting in his lap, the skin split on his knuckles that had you wincing at the sight.

“Your hand,” you pointed out, noticing the slight burn marks on his skin when his hand shifted. He shook his head, telling you to ignore it and just help with his face. You tended to his busted lip and the cut right on his cheekbone, wiping away as much blood and dirt as you could.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

His eyes were burning holes into yours while you worked on him, noticing the concerned glint every time he’d hiss or wince at some pressure.

“No,” he whispered, the tears from earlier beginning to spill over his cheeks. You cooed quietly, pulling him back into you just so you could hold him. After tonight you were sure Mj would explode seeing the way you were holding Peter, and you felt guilty even if your actions were incredibly innocent. You wouldn’t dream of hurting her like that.

“What happened?” you asked, in the softest voice you could muster. You lightly guided his chin so he was looking into your eyes, his big doe eyes making him look like a lost puppy.

“This is going to sound insane, but,” he laughed to himself. “I- I was fighting Liz’s dad.”

He watched as your eyes widened in shock, your body freezing as you tried to process the words he’d just said. He tried to answer as many of your questions as he could before you even opened your mouth, knowing exactly what was already going through your head.

“Well, do you remember Liz’s party when you saw me on the roof?” It took a lot of explaining from Peter. But he eventually managed to tell you the entire story, right from the alien weapons the night of the party to taking him down and handing him over to the cops. You were surprised but you were sure these were the kinds of things you were going to have to get used to knowing his secret.

Conversation was quick to die down afterwards, neither of you knowing what else to say on the matter, but the thought of Liz after he left her in the gym was eating him alive.

“Did she seem mad?” he asked, timidly. Of course you knew who he was talking about straight away. You thought back on the night and even though it wasn’t the answer he wanted, you had to shrug your shoulders. “She was upset,” you said.

You heard him sigh beside you. “Did I really screw this up?” he asked, laying his head on your shoulder. You sighed, resting your head on top of his, much like how Mj had done to you earlier this afternoon. You weren’t planning on sugar coating this for him. “Yeah, you did.”

━━━━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━━━━

peter’s girl taglist → @sunsetholland @captainamirica @tomsirishgirlx @givebuckyhisplumsnow @lou-la-lou @slutforsr @tayyx @gog0juice @minejungwoo @creatorofthegalaxy @annathesillyfriend @paninipress @bvttercupbby @peterswebshooters @whoeveniskendall @itsallyscorner @hoodpankow @sunwardsss @hallecarey1 @writingrem @mamaparker28 @n0eliii @lovehollandy12 @ifyouknewhowmiserylovedme

#peter parker oneshot #peter parker series #peter parker imagine #peter parker fluff #peter parker imagines #peter parker #peter’s girl

[tornrose24]

Okay idea for an au of an au. Hear me out.... au where the lords do adopt Rose, but sad. Say the lords do take in Rose, but through miscommunication or whatever, they believe Ethan is a danger to her, or that he has the same intentions as Miranda. Whenever Ethan gets close to one of them, they hand Rose off to the next lord to keep her safe, knowing there might be a battle. The story goes through as usual with Ethan killing them one by one, continuously going from place to place to find his daughter, along the way finding small, child like artifacts like toys and such with a rose sown into them. By the end, all the lords are dead and Ethan as his daughter back. As he walks away with her, Rose sees the ashes of the family that had taken her in, and even in her infant mind, knows its them and starts bawling and trying to reach for pile of ashes. Ethan thinks shes basically traumatized from being kidnapped. It isnt til he find a photo of all four lords with Rose, as a family that he realizes that he may have made a mistake.

That is just... wow,

It’d be like the Malificent movie if it was actually good, had a downer ending, and didn’t pointlessly turn the dad into the villain just to make the main character look sympathetic. Or a Shadow of the Colossus tragedy.

So first off I don’t know how badly Ethan was needed for the ceremony,  but I could easily see Miranda doing some horrific gaslighting on the lords to make them think Ethan was an awful father and husband (especially given what she’s capable of doing and if she did it beforehand by knocking out Ethan for a bit and messing with Mia’s head and safety for a bit by posing as her husband. And I don’t think I need to say what kind of things happened in order to mess with not just the lords’ heads, but poor Mia as well...). And Miranda does not let them kill Ethan as much as they want to-she wants to get rid of her false children before she can get her true child back. What better way than a game of deception and let Ethan do the dirty work?

Alcina’s death would not only further convince the others that Ethan is the bad guy, but him killing her daughters first would only make things especially worse. Like by the time Bela dies, Rose is immediately sent to Donna. Unfortunately Alcina’s hatred for men (made worse by Miranda’s trickery) only further aids in her family’s downfall...

Donna would know what it’s like to have a genuine loving father. So she’d also have a personal grudge against Ethan for ‘being scum undeserving of the title of father’. And a lot of her mind games and what Angie says would reflect that (“Do you do this with Rose too” would take on a much more darker meaning). Her monsters in the basement would become more horrific and reflecting of young victims of crimes best left unsaid. However it only fuels Ethan’s anger moreso and he kills her. Yet Rose is already with Moreau...

Moreau is kind of already screwed given he can’t control his transformations (not only is the environment a safety hazard for an infant, but you can only do so much in a giant monster fish form) and his low IQ doesn’t help him out in this scenario. But he’d get Rose sent to Heisenburg just after meeting Ethan and likely try to kill him than just block off his exit. Yet he too is fated to die for a misunderstanding...

Heisenburg would be the only one to somewhat suspect that Ethan is actually a good guy and that Miranda was screwing with everyone’s heads, but he had no way to convince his ‘siblings’ otherwise. Even his words around Ethan would be more careful in case the worst case scenario is true. Yet the scars of the past still linger and he remembers all too well what it meant to be a child under an abusive/controlling ‘mother’ and his guard is up. However he’s also too focused on overthrowing Miranda and still says that Rose could be used to defeat Miranda, and like in canon Ethan just doesn’t trust him and it later leads to Heisenburg’s death. And without anyone to keep an eye on Rose, Miranda steals her away while the big fight is happening. (So basically Heisenburg sees that Rose could end up like him when Miranda took him, but revenge still comes first)....

The fact that there are no more villagers left to hide Rose doesn’t help and the Lycans are too focused on Chris and his group. Then Miranda does what none of the lords had the guts to do in the first place for her twisted ceremony...

And to further worsen the situation? Chris (who was probably keeping an eye on things) never tells Ethan that the lords never truly harmed his daughter, or even thought to approach the lords about the truth when he got an idea of the situation, yet understandably didn’t believe it was true, so things only got worse. And The Duke? The only other person who’d tell Ethan the truth? He probably wouldn’t have been in the loop and didn’t know of the lords’ rate moment of compassion. So things continue as they do...

I think I’m order for that photo to happen, Rose would of had to have spent a few days with the lords first before shit hit the fan. And it would have been stolen and hidden away until the very end, when it was too late. But yes, she’d have been around them long enough to not feel any fear towards them-perhaps she’d have grown attached to them. And the toys and gifts? Hints of truth and humanity, yet could easily be ignored by a desperate father who only cares about his daughter’s safety and nothing else.

Furthermore, maybe once upon a time the lords were once decent folks before Miranda came into their lives. But by the time of the AU’s current timeline, their own crimes and reputations would horrifically backfire on them in a time where they had a moment of humanity once more... Their only way of living on being through Rose’s memories and through the megamycte.

(Unless that crystal theory is true and they can be revived of course.)

#Resident evil #resident evil village #what if #aau #well that’s sad... #rosemary winters #Ethan winters #alcina dimitrescu #donna beneviento #salvatore moreau #karl heisenburg #Resident evil 8 spoilers

[thecatprince]

How to say I love you without ever saying it at all

Read on AO3

Summary:  I love you. Virgil has always struggled with saying those words. Roman has been hurt by them one too many times. However some things don't need to expressed through words.

Pairings: Prinxiety

Warnings: Slight Janus and Patton negativity (Janus moreso than Patton), roman is very angsty, i think that is about it!

Authors Notes: Another Post-POF/FWSA Prinxiety fic? You’d better believe it! (This is the only thing I know how to write now aalhdjhakfjadhf) This is a little different from my usual style of writing, so I hpe you enjoy! If you like this fic then please leave a comment or reblog as that makes my day! 

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I love you.

Virgil had always struggled with saying those words. Something about the weight of them and what they meant and implied, felt too much and tended to cause him anxiety. He opted to show his feelings instead, showing his love and care through actions, doing and saying other things that help to convey his emotions towards others.

I love you, he said as he hung out with Patton, talking about feelings and eating cookies. I love you, he said as he listened to Logan talk about the latest book he had read. I love you, he said as he sat with Roman, allowing the creative side to do his makeup and paint his nails, talking about Disney and swapping nicknames as they did so. He never said any of those things out loud, but he always felt it, and he knew they knew.

--

I love you. Roman hated those words. He had once loved them, the way they sounded, the way it provided a sense of warmth, the weight of them and how they could easily express want, comfort, support, friendship and, well, love. That was, until those words had been weaponised.

“Oh Roman, you know I love you.”

Those words were cold, slippery, smooth and hurtful. Roman knew love, one of his functions was literally romantic love, and this wasn’t it. No one who loved someone would hurt them this way, poke at their insecurities, build them up just to knock them down, use them and then leave them in the dust. To Roman, those words coming from his mouth sounding meaningless. Cold. Fake. Sharp. Those words hurt.

Roman desperately wanted to believe Patton when he said he loved him. He wanted to run into Patton’s arms, have Patton hold him while he cried, comfort him with cookies and a smile. But Patton had stood by. He had let this happen. He had moved forward, understood everything quicker than Roman, had hurt Roman and then left him behind. He wanted to believe Patton loved him, but he didn’t even say anything while Janus stood there and tore him down.

“We love you kiddo.”

“You know I love you.”

Those words, used again and again, with no real proof of any actual meaning. Roman wanted to believe them, believe that they loved him and that he was loveable, but when he heard those words all he could think about was how much they had hurt him.

Roman had sunk out and had barely made it to his room before he broke down, shaking as sobs wracked his body, feeling weak, fragile and broken. He had felt useless, worthless, wrong and hurt. He had felt more alone than ever, used, broken and left behind by everyone who had said they had loved him.

Except for Virgil.

Virgil and Roman had never really gotten along in the past, often at each other’s throats, there desires conflicting in almost every scenario. But, slowly and gradually, they grew closer. It started small, talking about neutral topics like Disney or favourite foods, teasing each other in a friendly manner, and then slowly talking about bigger issues, what they wanted, their goals in life. They started to hang out, spend hours doing each other’s makeup and watching The Nightmare Before Christmas so much they could recite it by heart. And in the midst of the chaos, the pain and the insecurity Roman was feeling, Virgil came and helped him.

Virgil had seen the signs. The way Roman put up a wall of dramatics and theatrics to hide his insecurities, the way he insulted people to drive them away, the way he made fun of things he loved to lessen the pain when others did it, the way he continuously and repeatedly got pushed down, brushed off, manipulated and made mistakes. Virgil had seen the hurt in his eyes when someone rejected an idea of his. He had seen Roman flinch whenever Janus spoke. He had seen the raw pain and heartbreak in his face when he found Roman after Janus’ acceptance, seen the broken shell of a side who was formerly strong and proud and brave.

And Virgil knew. He knew that he had to save Roman. Because he had been down that path. He had thought no one had loved him, that they didn’t care or hated him, that they didn’t need him, or were better off without him. He could see Roman going down the same path and knew it was only a matter of time before Roman was gone.

So when Virgil found Roman alone in his room, body shaking as he cried, looking broken and weak, Virgil knew he needed to try and save him. He loved Roman, and he couldn’t stand to lose him, not after they had come so far. Virgil felt a need to protect him, to hold him and save him from the pain.

I love you, he told Roman as he held him close as he cried. I love you, he said as he rubbed circles on Roman’s back, gently wiping the tears from his cheeks. I love you, he thought, as he listened to Roman talk about everything he was feeling and thinking, knowing that he was only scratching the surface and that there was so much Roman was hiding. I love you, he said as he whispered words of comfort to the broken figure in his arms, holding him as close to his chest as he could, afraid that if he let go Roman would just break apart and disappear. “I’m here for you.” I love you. “It’s okay.” I love you. “You matter to me.” I love you. “I’m not leaving you.” I love you. “You’re my hero.” I love you. “You are amazing.” I love you. “You deserve so much love and happiness.” I love you. “You matter.” I love you. “I care about you.” I love you.

Roman had eventually fallen asleep, and Virgil had stayed the night, as if needing to protect him from every invisible force that could hurt him as he slept. And he never left. Day after day he stuck by Roman’s side, helping him pick up all the broken pieces of his life, sharing all of their scariest and darkest thoughts and all of times they felt worthless, useless, unwanted, unloved. Day by day they grew closer and closer, and slowly, gradually, naturally, Virgil found himself falling in love with Roman. He had always loved Roman, ever since they had all saved him from ducking out, but this was different. Being in love with Roman was warm, gentle, sweet, welcoming and natural.

And every day he showed it. He showed it by listening to Roman bare his soul to him late at night, when things were said that couldn’t be said during daylight. He showed it through staying with Roman for every step of the way, both of them leaning on each other for support and building each other up, piece by piece. He showed it by being there for Roman through the good and the bad, listening to Roman rant about whatever Disney movie, gay cartoon show or musical he was obsessed with at that moment, and comforting him when everything was too much and he broke down crying.

But Virgil could tell that Roman never really understood how much he cared, never really let himself believe that Virgil could care for him. He could see it in the way that Roman’s expression faltered whenever Virgil smiled at him, the way he cautiously smiled back, the corners of his mouth tugging upwards slightly before returning it with a sad grin. He noticed the emotions swimming in Roman’s eyes when he looked at him, the almost raw desperateness and dimming hope, as if almost wanting to believe something but not quite letting himself do so. And every time he noticed it, it broke his heart, but he didn’t give up. He would wait as long as it took for Roman to understand how much he loved him.

And then entered Nico. And Nico, well, he was simultaneously the best and worst thing that had ever happened to Thomas. The best because Nico brought Thomas such a sheer amount of excitement and happiness into his life that he had so desperately needed after the complete clusterfuck that was the wedding/callback situation. The worst because Nico brought change and change was scary. After this point there was no turning back. They were moving forward, into uncharted territory and it scared Virgil, more than anything. Not to mention the pain that they had felt at the last heartbreak, something Virgil wanted to avoid at all costs.

But Roman had looked so heartbroken, and he had gone through so much pain and hardship already, and he was just standing there, looking devastated and resigned. Virgil knew how much Roman wanted this, how much he craved this and how much he deserved it. Because Roman did deserve it. He deserved to be heard, to have happiness, to have his desires and wants and dreams be fulfilled, without being called selfish, bad, wrong, evil. What Roman wanted mattered, and Virgil could hardly stand the way he looked in that moment.

And so Virgil did the only thing he could do. And finally – finally - Roman understood. Roman looked at Virgil, the expression of brokenness and despair he had felt seconds ago morphing into one of disbelief and shock and eventually elation. Roman smiled, truly smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling up as he let out a huff of laughter, evidently over the moon. All Virgil could do was stare as Roman transformed from the broken man he had known to the dashing, lively, passionate prince he had always been. And Virgil knew that Roman understood.

The push, for Roman. A silent I love you.

A hand on his shoulder. That look on his face. The highest of compliments.

I love you too.

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 Thanks for reading!! Feel free to leave comments, reblogs or thoughts as that is greatly appreciated!!

#cat writes #prinxiety #prinxiety fanfic #hurt/comfort #roman angst #ngl kind of proud of the second half of this #patton negativity #janus negativity #i love patton but Roman is hurting so that is why it is there #ask to tag