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sanctus-ingenium · 9 months

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we need to talk about Inprnt.com

Following a really good post with more screenshots and evidence by @dynasoar5 i'm going to talk about my own experiences with @inprnt and why I am about to put my shop on indefinite hiatus from Monday the 14th of August.

First of all I'll say that since starting my print shop last year it has been a significant help to me financially - I was able to not worry about affording car insurance or motor tax (together commonly over a thousand euro) when I bought my first car, for example. I am immeasurably grateful to anyone who chose to buy one and I treasure all the pictures I've been sent of my prints hanging up on people's walls. Right now they are displayed in a real (if small) art exhibition in my home town.

(top right print is not from inprnt though)

They're great prints. Never had any complaints about them. But here's what's going on behind the scenes.

Earlier this year, around March or April, Inprnt sales started increasing in regularity. I'd made as much as $600 a week during previous sales when I made proper promo posts here, but with this increase in regularity, I felt that I couldn't make promo posts every single week. And then one day, I'm not sure when tbh, the sale just never ended. It just didn't stop having that "Ending soon! 15% off your order" banner at the top of the site. Right now it says "Final Hours: $5 Worldwide shipping and save up to 35% off your order!" and not even for a second do I believe in this final hours bullshit. It's been 'final hours' for weeks now. Months, even.

Why is this a problem? Well, how tf am I meant to make a promo post for a sale that is always "ending soon!!" and then never ends. One week it'll say "this weekend only!!" and then when the weekend is over, the sale banner just changes its wording and the sale doesn't end. I can't promo this, it makes me look like a liar and a skeevy salesman by association! It makes the site look like it's 1 week from crashing and burning, and the site owners are just scrabbling to suck as much money from artists as possible before they drown.

And they are sucking money from us. To peel back the curtain, Inprnt money can only be transferred to my paypal account 30 days after the sale is made, just in case the order is cancelled and refunded. This means I used to make one withdrawal every couple of months, when there was enough build-up of money to make it worthwhile. It also forbids withdrawing any sum under $50 btw. I would make a withdrawal request and then, after a 10 business day wait, it would reach my Paypal account.

Not anymore! The past few withdrawals have taken over a month to complete. They are straight up keeping my earnings from me for longer the agreed period. This was my last fulfilled withdrawal:

Note the date.

Almost two months.

And here is the latest withdrawal request that still has not been fulfilled.

It's coming up on 1 month and if the pattern continues, it could literally be November or December by the time I fully clear all sales.

So what's going to happen to my print shop? Because my art is currently being exhibited with a QR code linking to the shop, I can't close the shop this week. Instead I will close it on Monday the 14th of August, next week. That means that on the 14th of September, I can withdraw all of the remaining money without having any left over. My account balance will go to 0 and stay there. Although I'll de-list my prints I will leave my account there, because at the end of the day I don't want to leave Inprnt. It still offers the best artist margins and as I'm now unemployed after graduating, the additional support is such a load off my mind. So this is a chance to wait and see - if they improve their services, I'll happily re-open.

It's a big deal to me because selling prints is sort of my ideal life as an artist. I never had the attention span or self-discipline for commission work and I found that it left me creatively stagnant. I always want to try new things, new concepts and ideas, and being able to think "yeah, people will like this as a print" while I experiment is honestly very reassuring. And I know that in going on hiatus, it'll break a lot of "buy a print" links in my circulating posts. Oh well lmao. If you want to buy a print right now - go ahead, it might be your last opportunity. Another way to support me would be to check out my ko-fi for once-off donations or some nice sketchbooks/comics/book samples you can buy, or subscribing to my Patreon.

As of right now, Inprnt owes me $381 (the unfulfilled request submitted above for $186.60 and my current standing balance of $194.80 which takes 30 days from each transaction to clear).

#it's so god damn insulting u know. even redbubble threw its shitty payouts directly into my paypal asap #inprnt

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appleblueberry-pie · 3 months

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yandere miles 42 when a guys asks you out to prom yk like where they make a whole scene a cardboard box cut into a square and it has will you go out to prom with me 😭😭 and says the most cheasy thing making you cringe and a large group of ppl are surrounding you two but we reject them and they get mad and you tell miles all abt it ^^ i love your posts btw🙏🏽

[Come back home to me.]

You knew something funny was gonna happen when people were smiling your way, giggling and whispering about you. And the further you trekked down the hallway, the more crowded it was. You tried to keep your eyes to yourself as you slithered through the crowd. Clutching your backpack straps harder. Phones were out and on you, you felt a little nervous. This day has been hard enough for you. Long, grueling hours in class, people chatting up a storm in your ears, a mind-blowing headache that you've had all damn day that you could only take medication for just 30 minutes ago. You were tired.

"Hey, Y/n!" You tense up before sighing, shoulders dropping. How much happier would you be if you just ignored the call of your name and dealt with the backlash tomorrow, instead? You recognized the voice, and knew that if you ignored him...you'd be dealing with the consequences forever. You decided to turn around.

There goes Travis. His dark brown complexion and well-maintained dreads make him stand out. They were pulled back into a low pony, probably because he knew these videos would be the talk of the school for a while. He always loved the spotlight. A junior, like you, giving you that smile that all of the girls bothered him to give to them. It's directed right at you while he holds a beautifully made sign. It's humongous. And pink. And purple. Colors that you don't remember telling him were your favorite. Your head begins to hurt again when you notice your name drawn in amazing detail and care, followed by something among the lines of "prom" and "love of my life."

Somehow in the time span that you scanned your eyes over the sign that determined your possibly inevitable doom, a perfect circle was formed by the students who stood and watched you two like hawks. The flash on phones made you calculate that these videos wouldn't leave the internet for at least a month. Great. A month of reminders. A month of prodding and picking at your sanity from a place you have to go to damn near every day for an education. And a month of replays of a rejection.

You're not telling him yes.

Travis's homeboys hoot and holler to encourage him. "Y/n..." He starts, taking a step closer to you. A fake smile wobbles onto your lips and you stare up at him. "......yes...?" Everyone suddenly goes silent as you two begin to converse.

The way he stares at you makes you feel like....what he's looking for in you isn't something you'd give up for any high school boy anytime. Because what he wants, you know it isn't genuine love. So it makes you nervous the way he seems to tower over you during his, so called, "profession of love".

"Your beauty and smarts is something I've always wanted in a girl." His voice is loud and clear. It echoes throughout the hallway, like he wants everyone to hear. You don't think the halls have ever been so quiet. "Everyday, I'd pass you in the hallways while you carry your textbooks and wonder what it'd be like talking to you every morning before class. What it would be like to love you the way you deserve to be loved." His vague explanation of his love towards you had you wondering if anyone else also realized how fake this whole thing was.

His dark brown eyes never leave your face and he's right in front of you now. "So, I made this sign...to show you how much I love you. And how much I want to be with you. So, if it isn't so much to ask," Travis slowly puts the sign aside and drops to one knee, taking one of your hands into his, holding it carefully. "would you please go to prom with me? And let me be your man?"

The longer he watched the live feed, the harder it was to not burn his work space to the ground. The longer he listened, the harder he tweaked his claw he was attempting to fix. He was trying. He was trying so hard to stay calm. Because it's not like you'd say yes. But at the same time, no matter how often he kills or beats niggas up, "They just keep fucking touching you, puto cabrón!" He swipes the table, his tools and broken claw flying to the ground. Miles takes deep breaths, holding his head in his hands.

He stands up, turning off his phone and begins pacing. He didn't wanna see the rest of that. Why does he have to keep doing this? Don't they understand your his? Just his??? Yes, you're the shining light that keeps Brooklyn alive, yes, yes, this isn't news. But he's always with you. So why do they keep bothering you?

It doesn't matter because he's gonna keep killing them until they get the message. The more roaches he brings into the light, the better. He suddenly rushes to his phone and quickly dials your number, chest heaving as he tries to calm himself.

Your phone silently vibrates in your back pocket and your heart drops. It had to be Miles. Because he wasn't at school today and this definitely wouldn't have happened if he was here. You're so fucked, you think to yourself as everyone cheers at Travis's speech. And it goes silent again as they wait for your answer.

Suddenly, Travis is so hard to look at. You didn't want to be stared at like that when he's gonna die in the next few hours. Miles was gonna get him and it'd be your fault. He always said it wasn't and would caress your face as reassurance, but there's no excuse when he only kills these guys at school because they talk to you. And not for any other reason. You always have to be where the line is drawn.

"No, I can't go to prom with you." You say, chest lifting of the thousand pound weight that held it down. Travis didn't even look sad, he still had that adoring look in his eyes. And you then knew that he was faking all of this. "Why not? Is it because of Miles?" He stands, still holding your hand and shakes his head. "If he's bothering you, I could....get rid of him if you want. Cause that nigga, he a fucking weirdo. And he clearly, like, has you hostage or something, cause he ain't nothing special. Any one of us is better than him." He scoffs at the mention of him and his friends laugh with him.

You shake your head and take your hand away. "No, sorry, Travis. I just....don't wanna go." He rolls his eyes and smiles at you, picking up his sign. "Whatever. That's aight." He tosses it in the nearest trash can. You wonder if he even made that himself with the way he tossed it with zero regards. He turns back to you one last time and nods. "I'll holler. Let me know when you get rid of yo little guard dog. He be stinking the halls anyway."

And everyone dispersed.

You let out the breath you didn't know you were holding. You think this city is going to be the death of you with how many times you've gotten unwanted attention based on your looks. You tense up once more when you remember that Miles was calling you. The sudden silence after multiple calls was never a good thing. You yanked your phone out of your pocket and saw the 20-something missed calls and whispered to yourself in fear.

Immediately, you began your journey to his place.

His room was dark and cold. Only the light from outside his window illuminated it. You softly dropped your backpack into the usual corner and backed up to sit on his bed, but your back softly collided with a warm wall that also wrapped it's arms around your torso. You flinched as Miles exhaled in your ear, his head resting on your shoulder. "Miles, what the hell...."

He squeezes you a little and backs you both up, until he brings you to sit on his lap on his bed. He shifts you, so that you're facing him, his hand caressing your face and rubbing your back. "Hermosa como siempre, mami. How was your day?"(Beautiful as always, mami.) He whispers it to you, to calm you down. You're visibly nervous at his actions, expecting him to explode any minute.

"Um...it was alright. I did my project in 3rd period and got a coffee drink with my lunch. And..... I got asked to prom." You stare down at him, watching him scan you up and down, and let him 'check' your pockets before resting his hands on your waist. "Yeah? Who asked?" He already knew the answer, but wanted to hear it from you.

You severely struggled to tell him it was Travis. You were tired of him killing people. You were tired of the apologies from men who were beaten half to death because of you. You scrunched your eyebrows as your throat began to close.

"Hm?" He asked. You hated how calm he was about this. How he held you so dearly as you fidgeted with your uniform skirt. Tears built up in your eyes and you shook your head. Miles pulled you closer, immediately wiping your eyes. "No, no, por favor no llores, nena. No estés triste. I just want you to tell me who did it, that's all."(No, no, please don't cry, baby. Don't be sad.) You break into full out sobbing and wipe at your eyes.

"I don't- don't want to because you're gonna kill him!" You stutter and manage to spit out your words, voice wobbly. Miles shushes you and rocks you back and forth, resting your head on his chest. His voice rumbles in your ears when he speaks. "You don't have to worry about a thing when I'm here with you, N/n. All I want is for you to drop his name, and everything else doesn't matter."

He kisses your forehead sweetly, letting his lips linger for a few seconds. "Okay?" You nod and try to take deep breaths. You couldn't win against him. He probably already knew who proposed to you, and Travis's fate still wouldn't be unavoidable. "Travis." You felt immense guilt and despair the moment you dropped his name.

"Travis...." Miles repeats. Just putting his name in the air made him pissed all over again. He stays silent for a few seconds before tilting his head to the side. "I just realized why that name is so familiar," He starts. "That's that nigga who robbed and threatened you last year, ain't it?" Miles scoffs and turns to look at you. "Is that why you didn't leave when he brought up that sign? Cause of what he did to you?"

You scrunch your eyebrows at his words and sit up. "How do you know about that?" You didn't meet Miles until a month after you were robbed by Travis in your sophomore year. So, him knowing about that was weird, especially since you never brought it up to him before. Miles ignores your question and continues. "I should've known some shit was off." Miles places you on the bed and gets up, grabbing some clothes to change into.

You rush to stand in front of him to stop him. "Miles, wait! Please- please don't do this. He didn't even do anything to me. All he did is ask me out. I said no. What's wrong with that??"

"What's wrong with that is that nigga is gonna keep fucking getting at you until he can get into your pants, baby. I'm not stupid. These niggas know what they doin' riling you up and sending you back home to me crying and shit. Ain't you tired??" Miles begins to size you up, backing you towards his bedroom door, clothes clutched in his hand as he stares down at you.

"I am fucking tired. And I'm also tired of you ruining my life by making more rumors for niggas to spread about me. Nobody wants to be near me because of you, Miles!" You jab your finger into his chest and he grabs your hand. "You don't need nobody else." You hear his breathing speed up and realized you should've kept your mouth shut.

It's too damn silent for your liking. All you can hear is him and your heartbeat in your ears. "When the fuck have you ever needed anyone else besides me?.....I take care of you. I feed you, I do your fucking hair every morning, I walk you to and from school, I protect you. Es que no es suficiente?(Is that not enough?)" You don't respond and stare up into brown eyes that glare down at you. "How 'bout I show you how good you got it?" You try to pull your hand back, but his iron grip isn't letting up. "What.....? Miles, let me go."

"What's wrong, mi corazón? Don't wanna see?" Miles almost jokingly asks about your sudden concern. He steps into your space once more and firmly grabs your face. "Look at me when I tell you this,"

He shakes his head. "You don't know how to protect yourself. I'm the only one who knows how to keep you safe in these fucked up streets. When was the last time you felt protected before you met me? Huh? Cause I know you haven't. I'm meant to be here with you! I'm protecting you from the horrible fucking things that are happening out there that could've been happening to you, baby. You heard?"

You struggle to remove his hands from your face and he makes no move to stop the distress he's putting you in. "Okay, okay, Miles. Just...please stop."

Miles places a kiss onto your forehead before holding you in his arms. You sigh relief at the release of pressure and let him hold you. "Volveré pronto, okay? And then we can do whatever you want."(I'll be back soon) You allow yourself to relax and your eyes flutter shut. Sometimes you wonder how much it'll take for him to stop taking his obsession out on Brooklyn.

#yandere #yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere character #reader #across the spiderverse #itsv #atsv #yandere atsv #yandere atsv x reader #yandere 42 miles x reader #yandere 42 miles #earth 42 miles morales #earth 42 miles morales x reader #yandere miles x reader #yandere miles morales x reader #yandere miles morales #miles morales imagine

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venusbby · 1 year

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🌊 characters/pairings: itoshi rin x reader

🌊 warnings: fluff. just fluff.

note: this is based off of that one tiktok btw. if you know you know 🫶🥹 it was so cute, just had to do it here with rinnie. likes & reblogs are appreciated! <3

summary: saying your first 'i love you' to itoshi rin in a photobooth might just be the best idea you've ever had.

"wait— how the hell does it work?"

"i don't know. just pose, i guess."

"no, i think it should be counting down or something."

"just wait," rin huffed, arm going around your shoulders as he pulled you closer, your bodies pressed together so the both of you would make it in the picture without it becoming a mess. "you're so impatient."

you were impatient.

because this was a part of your grand plan, the most important part of your date today. you were not going to let this get out of hand. just before you could say anything else to convey your worry and impatience like your boyfriend said, a voice sounded out from the booth itself, counting down as you had expected it to a few minutes ago when you first entered into the compact space.

"oh, good," you breathed out in relief, and rin surprisingly did not find it weird that you were so worried. that was a good thing.

four pictures.

you had to make sure you said it at the right time.

oh god. your hands were getting cold from anxiety.

"three," the feminine, robotic voice counted.

you pretended to be as normal as you could, settling on just resting your head on rin's shoulder for this one. he stayed the same, feelling your hair tickle his neck— a small smile on his face.

"two,"

you both struggled to find where to look at first, and quickly figured it out just before the final number.

"one."

the first picture was clicked.

"what else can we even do?" rin asked, earning a soft laugh from you.

"let's look at each other for this one." you replied, turning to face him and he did the same.

you were just a few inches apart, even though there could have been more space between the both of you.

you gulped, and rin blinked, waiting patiently for the second countdown.

"three,"

you straightened up a little.

"two,"

rin kept his eyes on you. there wasn't anything else he wanted to do, anyway. he started thinking about how your lipgloss is almost gone, yet how kissable you still looked. how your eyes still glowed bright even after your long day of roaming around the city together, hand in hand.

"one."

the second picture was clicked.

your heartbeat rose.

one more picture, where you were going to tell him something that you had never said to him before, even though you had been saying it in your mind every single time you saw him in the span of these last few months.

the countdown for the third picture began. you hesitated at first.

"three."

you stared at rin. he looked confused as to why you weren't posing, eyebrows furrowed. "what? you're not posing this time?"

"two."

you sighed, resisting the urge to kiss him on the lips. he was all you ever wanted. and you needed him to know that— right in that moment.

"rin, i love you."

"one."

the flash almost made you blink, because you weren't ready for it. you were too busy trying to focus on your boyfriend, who looked so damn lost that he wasn't even sure the photo would come out right.

you both continued to stare at each other, rin registering the words that had come out of your mouth just two seconds ago, his mind flooded with a million thoughts in one moment. he didn't say anything.

and you couldn't stop smiling.

the fourth picture.

"three,"

rin blinked slowly, almost as if he didn't want to stop looking at you for even a millisecond. he couldn't comprehend a single thing, even the countdown, until you physically broke him out of the trance by threading your fingers through his hair, sweeping his bangs to the side so his face was more visible.

"two,"

fuck it, he thought.

his hand went from your shoulder to the back of your head, and he brought you closer all in the next second— his lips finding their place on yours. you smiled against him.

"one."

flash.

and then he still kissed you like his life depended on it— fingers tangled in your hair and soft lips pressing into yours so messily that you would have almost tipped backwards if it wasn't for his hand behind your head, pulling you in until the both of you couldn't feel the air in your lungs.

you gasped for breath as you pulled away, hazy eyes fluttering open and close in an attempt to awaken from this sudden feeling that was bubbling up in your stomach. "we— uh, we have to get out. t-there's people waiting outside."

rin's chest heaved slightly as he ignored what you said, almost seeming like he hadn't even heard it because actually, he could only hear his heartbeat. his half-lidded eyes couldn't look anywhere but at you.

"i love you too."

taglist: @hyomagiri @beanxiv @yoimyas @hqfeatbetty 🤞💋 (taglist is open!)

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hazybisou · 1 year

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TRANCE

insta edit

model!reader x ethan edwards

summary: y/n goes through her modeling and partying era in the span of days.

a/n: literally i found some photos on pinterest and the idea js randomly popped into my head. i come up with wayyy too many ideas. i’ll get to them eventually tho. btw valscouture isn’t a real modeling agency or wtv (at least i dont think it is) it’s js smth i made up for this edit. for the record, i will be using the guys gfs names in this but will not be putting their actual users for privacy reasons and will use fake users. 😁

y/n_y/l/n

edwards.73, markestapa, trevorzegras, and 163,939 others liked this

y/n_y/l/n first photoshoot of the spring season and it couldn’t have gone better than this!! thank you @valscouture for this amazing experience! i can’t wait to see you again this summer 🫶🫶

tagged: valscouture

edwards.73 my girl be looking a little too good this time of year 😉😉

↳ y/n_y/l/n get outta here you loser!!

markestapa you’re showing too much skin COVER UP

↳ y/n_y/l/n mark looking out for his boyfriend’s girlfriend

↳ markestapa still mad abt you taking him from me

↳ y/n_y/l/n cry abt it

valscouture it was lovely to have you y/n!! till we meet again 💋💋🫶

↳ y/n_y/l/n LOVE YOU!!! 🥰🥰

rutgermcgroarty one chance is all i ask

↳ edwards.73 back🤺up🤺

↳ y/n_y/l/n you’re a little too young for me

↳ luca.fantilli don’t bother rut we’ve all tried before

↳ edwards.73 and where did that get you??

↳ y/n_y/l/n you had the seniors watch over them like hawks to make sure they wouldn’t even look at me!! FOR TWO MONTHS!!

↳ edwards.73 bc they should know better

↳ adamfantilli my poor big bro got rejected 😔😔 tragic world

lhughes_06 where was my invite?

↳ y/n_y/l/n luke honey, quinn has a better chance at becoming a model than you

↳ jackhughes what abt me??!!!?

↳ y/n_y/l/n no comment

↳ _quinnhughes HAH @lhughes_06 @jackhughes

↳ lhughes_06 fuck. off.

jazrod01 bestie slaying per usual

↳ y/n_y/l/n you know it!

umichhockey our favorite model 🤩

↳ y/n_y/l/n love you!!

el.mcm hurry up and come back to michigan already!! I MISS YOU ANGEL

↳ y/n_y/l/n ELLIE MY LOVE 😍 ILL BE HOME SOON DW!!!

trevorzegras yupp

↳ y/n_y/l/n get tf out trev

y/n_y/l/n has posted

lauren.rodolitz, edwards.73, jackhughes, and 97,932 others like this

y/n_y/l/n everywhere i go, they all know my name

markestapa who lied to you?

↳ y/n_y/l/n why are you still here?

↳ markestapa @edwards.73 your gf is being mean again 😭

↳ edwards.73 @markestapa i prefer to live 🤷 srry bud

↳ y/n_y/l/n i taught you well eth 😢😖

mackie.samo who’d you pay to do this?

↳ y/n_y/l/n are you accusing me of something matthew?

↳ mackie.samo yes

↳ y/n_y/l/n i am now accepting best friend applications

↳ dylanduke25 where do i apply?

↳ mackie.samo BACK OFF

rutgermcgroarty 😍😍

↳ edwards.73 this is why i should’ve never let you meet them

↳ y/n_y/l/n not my fault the freshies love me

↳ edwards.73 they have a baby crush on you

↳ luca.fantilli what abt it @edwards.73

lauren.rodolitz slay 🫶

↳ y/n_y/l/n slay 😘

_magspili we should go out again

↳ y/n_y/l/n time and date?

rutgermcgroarty heyy y/nnn…

↳ y/n_y/l/n leave

jackhughes will never get over the fact your friends with lukey

↳ lhughes_06 bro wtff

↳ y/n_y/l/n it’s okay lukey i still love you

↳ lhughes_06 stil?!!

↳ jackhughes anyways..

dylanduke25 get that lighter away rn 😠😠

↳ y/n_y/l/n no

el.mcm we’re going out this weekend end of discussion

↳ y/n_y/l/n fine by me

edwards.73 the only place you ever go to is target, school, and home….

↳ y/n_y/l/n ETHANIA DONT EXPOSE ME LIKE THAT

↳ edwards.73 DONT CALL ME THAT

↳ y/n_y/l/n SUCK IT UP BITCH

nolan_moyle i love how you js bully the shit outta ethan

↳ y/n_y/l/n he’s my little baby! i would never

↳ lhughes_06 now let’s not lie

↳ y/n_y/l/n be quiet

↳ mackie.samo lying is a sin..

↳ y/n_y/l/n I KNOW THAT!

↳ markestapa then why lie?

↳ y/n_y/l/n WHY ARE YOU ALL GANGING UP ON ME?!!

↳ everyone bc we can!!

↳ y/n_y/l/n fuck🖕you🖕all

#ethan edwards #ethan edwards x reader #ethan edwards blurb #new jersey devils #nhl #umich hockey #mark estapa #luke hughes #trevor zegras #mackie samoskevich #dylan duke #rutger mcgroarty #luca fantilli

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joesquinns · 5 months

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Firstly, I want to state that I am sorry for all the fans who were going to meet Joe this coming weekend and now can't! I feel for you and the following is not directed at you ♥

The following is directed at those...well if you read the following, and you feel called out then yes, it's probably for you.

I have been in many fandoms in my life and I have seen tons of con announcements and cancellations and I SWEAR I never saw a statement, where the guest was devastated that he could not appear....

Do you remember Italy 2022? Summer? Joseph was stalked, his hotel was leaked in message groups, and yet he still went out to greet his fans and take pictures with them (without getting paid btw)

Do you remember this year the US con, I think it was NOLA, where he was supposed to be there the whole weekend but because of passport issues he could only be there one day? He could have cancelled, easily! Easily! But he didn't! No, he put all those three days into one day! He stayed over time for this. But of course, he only did this for the money!

You know what the summary is that I read from fans meeting Joe? It was rushed, but for these 10 seconds he made me feel like the love of his life. Back then it was called 'what a sweetheart' now it's 'of course he only does it for the money'

Remember his first con ever? The one in London? A fan thanked him for everything, and he cried. But of course, he did if for the money.

The second London con? He was in the middle of filming AQPDO, and he could have easily cancelled this one as well. I mean, he was filming, he probably just got a huge pay cheque.

Joseph Quinn has showed over the span of the last 15 months that he can go out of his way for his fans, but they only sit here and are starting to call him an ugly, balding, gold digging fuck boy.

You don't deserve Joseph Quinn, ungrateful bitches.

#joseph quinn #rant #I can't with some people #and yes I called you ungrateful bitches #and I'm not sorry

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fyeahnix · 1 year

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so the last few weeks I've been horribly obsessed with a little game called Project Zomboid. I initially bought it during the Steam Winter Sale as a game to chill to on my Steam Deck. I thought "ok zombie apocalypse survival RPG, I'll try it out, sure" and I was also wondering how tf a game was still in beta for 10 years

LITTLE DID I FUCKING KNOW....

this game is so ridiculously detailed it's unreal. you have to manage your hunger, sleep, thirst, mood/happiness, stress, prep for the water and power shutting off, prep for rising zombie populations, prep for winter, etc. OH yeah SEASONS. the game is very realistic seasons that mimic real life. there's so much to talk about just in the mechanics alone that I don't know where to start.

anyway, I started playing this on the deck, and eventually moved to PC because I saw how much more controls and shit you can do with a mouse and keyboard. and I like it so much better.

so the game straight up tells you that at some point, you will die, and there's nothing you can do about it. and that's fine. I died SO MANY FUCKING TIMES when I first played. I played on Apocalypse mode initially (which was very stupid as it's the hardest preset difficulty lol), and then moved to Survivor when I found that out. but the more YT videos I watched on this game, the more people really encourage you to play Sandbox mode and figure out what your preferred playstyle is.

so that's what I did when I moved to PC. I found out I do no like zombie infection so I turned it off. zombie infection happens 100% of the time when you're bitten by a zombie and there's literally no way to stop it, you get sick and die a slow death over the course of like 3-4 in-game days. if you get scratched or lacerated there's a percentage chance of that happening too. I just didn't like making progress and then having it stripped away because I got unlucky.

I finally made a character that survived more than a month in-game, made the firehouse in Rosewood a base, had a lot of shit set up for water, farming, electricity, etc, and then I fucking DIED trying to clear out a grocery store. now when you die, you can choose to respawn another character in the same world, but all your skills are reset. I chose this option instead of starting over completely because I had a good thing going and I enjoyed that setup. what I didn't like was the skill grind. I managed to get most of my skills back up to where they were before death in the span of a few hours because I had all that set up at my base. anyway, I said "this grind isn't fun" and installed a mod to craft a skill journey where you can manually record your character's experience progress and if they die, you can read the journal and get those skills back.

that came in clutch because last night, my second character died trying to clear zombies out at the kentucky state prison in Rosewood. that kinda upset me, but I just reset in rosewood, went to my base to gear up with backup gear, and trekked it on foot to the prison to reclaim my lost shit:

that red circle is my second character's dead body I had to drag outside and loot because there were too many corpses inside. (btw if you stay around corpses for too long your character will get sick). in the bottom right corner you can see my truck that got abandoned. thankfully I got in an out pretty quickly and got my truck back.

now you're prob saying "wtf that takes the fun out of the game" to which I reply "to you" lol. the survival and combat aspects of this game are fun as is the exploration, but the skill grinding takes forever for some skills and I didn't wanna redo that again. the downside of this is that I STILL have to go retrieve my shit and if it's too far away from my base, then I might be SOL. these two deaths were lucky because they were within walking distance of my base. also I still have to reread skill books for bonuses and that takes DAYS in-game to accomplish because I took the slow reader trait....

anyway here's some of my base. it's a fucking mess I am currently trying to clean up:

the patch of grass to the right of the water barrels is where I farm food. but I have a ton of food in the freezers so I'm holding off on farming again until I get close to low on fresh food. I have canned food as a backup.

bottom two pics is my messy ass storage and workshop area. I got a shit ton of guns and ammo from the prison that I hauled back in my pickup truck and I need to organize everything. the problem is that I need a skill book to learn how to make metal crates and neither the bookstore nor the school library has it so I have to venture out. second problem is that I may have to go to Muldraugh or March Ridge to check those bookstores and I'm DREADING it. the prison furthered humbled me and I don't wanna die again lol esp not that far away from my base. but I gotta do it. all for metal storage crates. you're prob wondering "why metal? just make the wooden ones and you're golden." and you would be correct but fuck it, 80 storage space compared to 40 and 60 for the level 1 and 2 wooden crates is just so much more appealing and I have a ton of shit that needs to be stored.

anyway that's my adventures in PZ so far. there's more to talk about like how I tried to go to the lone shack out in the woods one day to find an antique oven, almost got stranded, and had to make the trek back because the road there was covered in trees and not good for car travel. speaking of, the map is absolutely fucking gigantic. don't play this game without the map on another screen. it makes planning and traversal so much better

but yeah. it's about to be winter in a few in-game days, which means I'm gonna be struggling to forage for food, fish, and grow crops from December-February. I have food and water saved up and I think I can make it but maaaan it's gonna be a time.

thanks for coming to my tedtalk lol

#Project Zomboid

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elf-osamu · 2 years

Note

Hii! Can I request (female or gn) reader x Jouno, Tecchou, Ranpo, Fyodor and Nikolai? And that reader is maybe jealous cuz boys show too much attention to another person? Thank you and have a nice day/night!

hey :) thank you for requesting ! i wrote this thinking about the main reasons one might be jealous of someone (for example, being insecure about oneself), tbh i'm not really fond of jealousy 😭; also i apologise for the wait ! i hope this is to your liking anyway <3. btw, just so you know, i don't write girl readers/nm. and have a good day/night too !!

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

JŌNO, TECCHŌ, RANPO, FYODOR, NIKOLAI W/ AN INSECURE!JEALOUS!READER

[ masterlist ]

hurt/comfort, romantic relationship, saigiku jōno, tecchō suehiro, ranpo edogawa, fyodor dostoevskij, nikolai gogol (separately) x gn!reader

warning(s) : use of pet names, slight jealousy, insecurities about oneself, reader has low self-esteem, anxiety thoughts, food mentions, slight cursing

words count : 3,719 words (i wrote these one-shots in the span of one month so their writing styles are all a bit different ig 😭)

plot : “you see your partner spending a lot of time with someone whom you don't know. anxiety thoughts fill your mind. are you good enough? does he still love you?”

SAIGIKU JŌNO :

[ ☆ ] i believe that jōno wouldn't disclose his true job to his partner, or at least not at the beginning of your relationship.

[ ☆ ] he'd simply say that it consists in something really similar to a civil servant or smth like that.

[ ☆ ] you wouldn't question his affirmation. everyone has their own secrets, right?

saigiku jōno wasn't a bad partner, not at all.

spending time with a fascinating person like him was entertaining and almost inspiring, somehow. you were amazed by his cunning and keenness, by his peculiar ways of discussing certain topics, by his dazzling grin and many, many other qualities of his.

one thing that, however, you worried about, was his job. you couldn't seemed to understand how your boyfriend spent all those hours preceded by a soft “i'm going to work, see you tonight”.

normally you wouldn't have cared, but every day after he got home he was clearly stressed, even if he always admitted the opposite. after taking a quick shower, saigiku would lock himself in his studio to still work. you'd have liked to at least lend him a hand, even if that wouldn't have meant knowing the true nature of his job.

also, he was often on call with other people whose names you didn't know, probably his colleagues, discussing some kind of problem at work.

you completely ignored the severity of their tasks.

today was no different from other nights: the side of the mattress next to you was cold, it being untouched from your lover; the only sounds you could hear were the ones of your own breath; you felt incredibly lonely, as if no one else lived in that house.

and yes, a bit jealous of his associates.

you sighed as you looked at your bedroom's ceiling.

of course jōno had to think about his job and spend time with his colleagues, but also you were a person present in his life who deserved a bit of his company, weren't you?

[ ☆ ] as minutes and minutes passed, you took courage and went to confront saigiku about your feelings on the matter.

[ ☆ ] surprisingly, he proved to be very understanding and he apologized for his inattentive, careless behaviour.

[ ☆ ] “despite my demeanor, i'd like to let you know that you are not a nuisance in this relationship. i won't make the same mistake twice, you can be sure of that”.

[ ☆ ] and he really means it. jōno is a man of his word.

TECCHŌ SUEHIRO :

it didn't happen anything particular that day; the windy weather brought a cold but bearable air, which only made you slightly shiver.

however, along with it, a melancholic feeling was slowly breaking through your heart, like a swift arrow trying to pierce its distant target.

the said disgressing sensation was indeed persistent in its purpose of spoiling your mood, not wanting to leave you even for an instant. it metaphorically resembled a shadow, always in your company even in the moments when you absently forgot it.

you knew that there was no reason to feel upset, it was just one of those bad days that were a part of this miserable, sorrowful yet beautiful life.

nevertheless, you asked yourself why you had to be in that state in that specific evening.

“[name], do you have any idea what to order?”

you looked up from your menu to where your boyfriend was, or sitted in front of you, and you slightly sighed while a shy grin made his way to your lips.

he was ethereal in his suit.

“not yet, there are too many delicacies to choose from. what about you?”

“to tell the truth, me neither. i'll ask the waiters to wait a few more minutes.”

that specific evening was a date with your partner, who was usually busy at work to spend his time with you - and you too were busy with your job and private life, for the matter. it was rare to have moments like those, to forget about the rest and enjoy a peaceful moment together.

coincidentally, however, you didn't feel very well; you had little to no energy that wouldn't have been enough for you to hide your discomfort. yet you didn't want to talk about it to him, you didn't want to bother suehiro on such an uncommon occasion.

after some time, a staff's member came up to your table and you two said your own orders. you couldn't help but notice that all the time they looked at your boyfriend, almost ignoring your presence, and you felt a bit uneasy.

tetchō was a kind of oblivious person in regard of others' attempt to flirt with him, he didn't really notice nor cared about it. neither you normally did, but in moments like those you clung to anything slightly suspicious and immediately saw the worst possible scenario.

i'm just exaggerating, that's for sure. gosh, i'm really tired, my head seems to be imploding.

when they left, your boyfriend took your hand in his.

“by the way, we haven't discussed properly about our lives yet. how are you doing, my dear? did anything worth, or not, mentioning happen?” he asked with his gentle voice, eyes fixed on yours.

suehiro was a kind and caring soul, though not without his own secrets. when he told you about his job, you were a bit skeptical at first; however, after truly knowing him, you found out that he wasn't as merciless as it seemed: he had a big heart, seeking justice for those who couldn't afford to find it for themselves.

certainly, not always in the most desiderable way possible.

as the evening went by, that staff member found any excuse to go back to your table and talk to your partner. you had no energy to reply back or to talk about your discomfort to tetchō, so you remained silent while uneasiness was devouring your heart.

tetchō, being the polite person he was, didn't cause any fuss nor he noticed their intentions; he always responded calmly at them, ending up talking to them more than you.

[ ☆ ] after paying for dinner, you both headed to his car, respectively sitting on the driver's and passenger's seats.

[ ☆ ] “i... i would like to talk to you about something; i'm not really sure how to say it, though,” you said in a whisper, looking at your intertwined fingers that were laying on your lap, not wanting to face him.

[ ☆ ] “love, you don't have to say anything that you wouldn't prefer to disclose. perhaps, it'd be better if we were in a more quiet place?”, your partner genuinely asked, worried about your well-being.

[ ☆ ] you silently nodded.

[ ☆ ] he drove for a while, then parked in front of the sea. it was a quiet night.

[ ☆ ] “would it be okay for you if i vented right now?”

[ ☆ ] “of course, [name].”

[ ☆ ] so you started your monologue, from your negative thoughts to the staff person at the restaurant, not without biting your lips to avoid crying. you felt miserable.

[ ☆ ] tetchō, after you finished, asked if he could hug you.

[ ☆ ] whatever your answer is, he wouldn't complain.

[ ☆ ] “i'm terribly sorry for not having noticed your state. next time, please, let me know and don't feel forced at all to do anything you don't want to.”

[ ☆ ] “also, when you ever feel like this, keep in mind that i love only you.” <3

RANPO EDOGAWA :

[ ☆ ] before starting with the request...

[ ☆ ] i think you and him, at the beginning of your dating story, had a mutual agreement to absolutely respect your personal spaces.

[ ☆ ] what i mean, in this case, is that ranpo would never use his great deduction-skills on you without your permission.

[ ☆ ] this rule allows you to decide what you want to share and what not with him, instead of being read like a book in five seconds and not having a minimum of privacy.

[ ☆ ] so, he wouldn't understand right away if something (or someone) is making you uncomfortable (and this is true in general, in every kind of relationship communication is the key).

[ ☆ ] anyway, it was a day like another...

ranpo had many cases to solve, along with different candy shops to explore for the sake of his own palate. they were sorted with all kinds of sweets, from lollipops to colorful marshmallows to mini cakes. your boyfriend's eyes were full of pure joy at the sight of all those delicacies.

you softly sighed, a small smile was forming on your lips. there weren't many things that ranpo enjoyed, so you were glad that he found in sweet treats something that piqued his interest.

after purchasing the greatest detective’s favourite snacks, you two proceeded with the pursuance of his case. normally, he would go out with his other colleagues, but today he asked for your sole presence. perhaps it was his way to spend time with you, since his daily schedule was usually full.

“remind me again, what else we need to do? we solved this case, didn't we?” ranpo genuinely asked, picking a fruit jelly from its package and offering it to you.

“almost,” you replied, swallowing the candy while muttering a quick ‘thank you’. you took from your backpack the folder containing all information about the case - being one of the detective agency's secretaries had its advantages - and then you checked the texts on your phone. “now, now... ah, yes. one of the victim's sibling, who is also their legal guardian and a witness to this case, wants to talk to us; kunikida said that you could be familiar with them. their name is...” you pronounced it.

“oh, right, i know them! they were involved in another case, many years ago. at the time i was twenty and, since we had the same age, the president let me keep them company”.

“it could be that they just discovered that you were assigned to this case, so it's kind of an opportunity to reconnect with you” you thought aloud, attempting to steal a marshmallow from your boyfriend, widely grinning after succeding in it.

ranpo jokingly pouted, “hey! i bought them with my own money”, and in response you kissed him.

“you jerk...” ranpo murmured, biting his bottom lip, clearly trying to hide his smile.

you two continued to tease each other on the way to the agency; when you arrived at your workplace, you composed yourselves and went to the hall, where the victim's sibling was waiting for ranpo.

you decided to leave your partner some space and went to the coffee table, filling your personal mug with the sour drink. you took a sip of it, and in the meantime you set up your messy desk, writing down in your notebook the main information about the case, which you would then have to write as a report.

you could hear the two of them chatting about their first encounter, laughing of the old days, and a tinge of jealousy formed in your heart.

ranpo wasn't one to befriend with witnesses nor victims, as all the agency members he was professional when the time came, however they seemed pretty close...

i should concentrate on my work. why am i even thinking about such shallow matters? we are literally dating and they are a witness, that's all. i'm just overthinking things.

nevertheless, you lifted up your gaze, anxiety creeping within you. they were still talking, but the witness had put a hand on ranpo's shoulder.

you freezed. ranpo detested physical contact, only a few people could dare to touch him; yet he didn't move.

maybe they were dating those years ago? ranpo seems comfortable with them. of course he would, they are nice, beautiful, and they have an angelic voice. they seem to have all the qualities that i lack of. no wonder that-

you slapped yourself mentally. you had to focus on your notes or else you could end up indulging more in those thoughts.

“thank you again, i'm grateful for your work in regard of my sibling. now i shall take my leave,” you heard saying, then the witness quickly left the agency quarters.

you slowly sighed in relief, although you felt bad for what you have thought; you shouldn't have doubted ranpo's loyalty and trust. gosh, why were you such a mess?

you took your head in your hands, closing your eyelids; though you didn't notice your boyfriend, who was reaching your side.

“[name], what's the matter?” he whispered, not wanting to scare you.

[ ☆ ] he sat on your lap while you explained him the situation.

[ ☆ ] ur man would reassure you with cuddles and snacks, along with kind words.

[ ☆ ] “i won't lie, that touch made me a bit uncomfortable, but they didn't know that i generally despise it. plus, for me they are just a witness, nothing more.”

[ ☆ ] “my dear, i love you and you only. let's head home to spend time together, shall we?”

FYODOR DOSTOEVSKIJ :

[ ☆ ] i imagine fyodor being someone that goes frequently to libraries, spending hours sitting on a wooden chair, reading books of every kind, mainly the classic, philosophical and psychological ones, which explore human nature.

[ ☆ ] if given the opportunity, he would gladly talk about his opinions on various topics.

[ ☆ ] though, he only talks about it in depth with a trusted person with whom he finds himself at ease.

[ ☆ ] so it kinda became your thing to talk about different matters and ideas in the said quiet place.

[ ☆ ] in this one-shot i used the russian diminutive of the name fyodor, that is “fedya” (федя).

as you entered the gothic library, you detected the familiar scent of old books. the atmosphere of the past still lingered between those walls, there were few traces of the modern world there - as if one wanted to maintain the grandeur of the building.

that hadn't really been a great day for you, your self-esteem wasn't the best and you sure needed some kind of comfort. you silently hoped that fyodor would bring you reassurance through his silvery voice and crisp speeches.

you headed to the philosophy & psychology section, remembering that your partner informed you of his location beforehand.

you found him reading an old tome and at the same time writing something down on his notebook.

“hi, fedya,” you murmured, placing a hand on his shoulder. although you couldn't see it, the corners of his lips rose in an affectionate smile. “good afternoon, darling”.

you took a seat next to him, watching intently the way he was smoothly writing on the white paper. strands of dark hair adorned his pale, delicate skin while his amethyst eyes, illuminated by the light of the room, were softly glimmering at the book's pages.

how could an almost angelic being like him be with you? probably, it would always remain a mystery.

“fyodor, i'm back- oh? who are they?” someone behind both of you asked.

you jumped on the spot, surprised by the new voice; turning around, you looked at the person who had just spoken. you were certain that they weren't someone you knew, perhaps they were a fyodor's friend?

“they are [name], my partner,” your boyfriend replied calmly, without turning back. “and [name], they are a regular customer of the library as us, we met just a few hours ago”. precise and concise as always, without saying more than necessary.

“oh, it's a pleasure to meet you. i didn't think that a bookworm like him could have a partner,” they jokingly said, causing you to stiff in your chair.

“the pleasure is mine,” you returned the greeting, although you were a bit skeptical of the new... acquaintance.

as they and fyodor, close-knit, began talking about some philosopher you did know nothing about, insecurities invaded your mind.

now, fyodor wasn't one to befriend people so easily, was he? it was rare of him to be interested in people, unlike material goods, which seemed to greatly satisfy him, to fill the void in his heart. you felt foolish and terrible for thinking such things, but maybe... just maybe...

“i apologise folks, but i must bid you farewell,” the person near fyodor said in a fake melodramatic tone, standing up and putting on their coat, “i hope we'll meet again”.

[ ☆ ] some moments later, you laid your head on the table, snorting at yourself for being so insecure.

[ ☆ ] i hc fyodor to be someone who reads body language well, so of course he knew what you were thinking all this time.

[ ☆ ] “i must say, i am not usually fond of people, you know for sure. but, in spite of this, i can say that you, my dear, are an exception. you are my one and only. truly”.

[ ☆ ] jjk reference who.

[ ☆ ] fyodor uses words to reassure you ! he's not really a hugger.

NIKOLAI GOGOL :

[ ☆ ] let's forget for the time being that he's a wanted t3rror!st, shall we?

[ ☆ ] obviously i'm not asking this because otherwise i wouldn't know what to write for this one-shot, pff haha why would you assume such a thing/s

[ ☆ ] nikolai couldn't you have a normal job or smth you f*cker/lh/j

[ ☆ ] anyway, in this one-shot i used the russian diminutive of the name nikolai, that is “kolya” (коля).

having an outgoing personality allowed nikolai to easily get to know people: his friendly and warm nature captured the hearts of others, as a comfortable sweater on one's figure, making it almost difficult to ignore him.

of course, there were some that found his unreserved temperament to be a source of annoyance, which however your boyfriend didn't care about at all.

perhaps it was this nonchalance of his that made you fell in love with kolya, the way it didn't matter to him what the others thought of him as long as he could do whatever he desired.

“babe, are you listening to me?”, a familiar, husky but pleasant voice brought you back to reality.

your boyfriend, who was sitting next to you, was looking at you with a confused expression.

“oh, sorry kolya, i was lost in thought. what were you saying?”

“i was wondering whether you wanted popcorns - and sharing them with me - or something else” he explained while running a hand through his hair. “the others already ordered their snacks for the movie”.

“popcorns are just fine,” you replied with a hint of a smile, “thank you”.

he leaned over slightly to leave a kiss on your lips. “no problem. extra large cup, 'm i right?”, you quickly nodded. then he stood up, heading to the cashier.

the so-called ‘others’ were a bunch of people about your age, that you and nikolai had just met there, at the cinema's hallway, waiting to enter the movie room. coincidentally, kolya found out that your seats were close, so why shouldn't you all befriend?

truth was that, despite being constantly reminded by your boyfriend that he truly loved and adored you, your self-esteem wasn't the best; many people admired him, so why did he chose you? and, too preoccupied to pay attention to your (untruthful) thoughts, you had no energy to socialise and talk to complete strangers.

“i'm here~ oh, we can enter in the room now!” your partner exclaimed; one of his arms was holding the huge portion of popcorn, while the other went to loosely rest on your waist.

he had noticed your bad mood, it was just that he didn't know how to approach it and if it was the best decision to make anyway. he was the type to joking around to lift up others' mood, but openly talk about it? it wasn't really his thing, mainly because he wasn't so in touch with his feelings as he seemed to be.

you two followed the new-formed group, discussing the possible endings and plot-twists of the movie, even though you all had only watched the trailer.

after taking your seats, the movie started.

some time passed, between a scene and another; nikolai talked a bit with you and a bit with the other person next to him, but then he arrived at a point where he was speaking only to them and you were the one eating your shared popcorn.

i must not get upset. there's nothing wrong with what they are doing, they are simply having a conversation, aren't they? why am i so f*cking irritable today?

you couldn't lie to yourself, you felt a little neglected by the whole thing; it would have been a different story if that had been an evening with friends, however they were just an unknown person. but they weren't doing anything strange, right?

[ ☆ ] as you continued to ignore your susceptibility by being silent instead of speak up, the movie ended and so, after saying goodbye to the ‘others’, you two left the cinema.

[ ☆ ] at the cinema's exit, you took your boyfriend's hand and started playing with his fingers, a sign that you were nervous.

[ ☆ ] a few minutes later, nikolai stopped his footsteps and looked at you, forcing you to stand in front of his eyes.

[ ☆ ] “my love, what's wrong? y'know you can tell me anything”

[ ☆ ] “kolya it's nothing-”

[ ☆ ] “[name]... if you don't feel like explaining it to me right now, it's fine. but, don't lie to me, please.”

[ ☆ ] after some hesitant moments, you started talking about your feelings in regard of the previous situation.

[ ☆ ] nikolai waited in silence, while he was hugging you, leaving some soft kisses on your face, there and there, to encourage you to talk.

[ ☆ ] in the end he would reassure you a lot !!

[ ☆ ] and he would make up for that night doing a movie marathon at his place with you and you only.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

[ do not copy, translate, repost, etc. | by @ elf-osamu ]

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twistedapple · 9 months

Text

Miguel O'Hara: What's his deal

Ok so ever since the theatre realease of Across the Spiderverse back on May 31st (yes in France we get our new releases on Wednesday, this is why the early videos on YT had French subtitles btw in case you were wondering), I have been deep in it. Like. DEEP. The main offender for that being Miguel O'Hara, who immediately started living rent free in my head and he is clearly not leaving any time soon. Anyway, this is completely out of topic for my blog but I do what I want so let me rant about the aforementioned Depressed and Overworked DILF because we love men with problems in this house.

WATCH OUT FOR THE SPOILERS (and unhinged ramblings that totally sidetrack).

Ever since the release of ATSV, a lot of videos have been available on YT to dissect everything, and of course I have been having an intense focus on character analysis, because that movie is absolutely brilliant at establishing character arcs and presenting new Spiderverse characters in one of the most efficient, thrilling and engaging way I've ever had the pleasure to witness. We've been blessed with Gwen's heartwrenching character arc (and she deserves none of the hate she's been receiving, but don't get me started on that), Hobie more like Homie in the span of 5 minutes on screen... And Miguel, who blesses us with his ego, anger issues and massive trauma while also dropping bits of a gentler side - but only bits of it. And I have been extremely normal about Miguel, since he absolutely doesn't tick all of the boxes of the Tickle My Fancy list.

I have been ranting about him in many YT comment sections for more than 2 months now (hi Purple Kisseokjin and Schnee lol), but with the digital release of the movie, I finally remembered I have a Tumblr blog where I can yell about Miguel all I want, so here we are now. Now where do I start...

First Part: Miguel's character design

I've overall been highly impressed by the various art styles given to the Spiderverse cast, and how it reflects who they are and where they come from. Miguel in particular hits many soft spots for me for a good reason: his association with architecture and industrial designs, which are topics I'm interested in (especially architecture). As such, I will begin this study by analysing both the character and environmental designs for Miguel and Nueva York, and how the depiction of Nueva York 2099 reflects the state of the narration as well as how Miles and Miguel feel and think - following the same logic as what we get to see with the use of watercolours on Earth-65B, during Gwen's sequences, to express emotional states. A mandatory tangent will be made in regard to Miguel's themes as well, because they fall in line with my arguments for the character and background designs.

There are some main points to take into account when it comes to anything related to Miguel's design: straight lines everywhere, light rough sketch lines, gouache tones. Where do we find these elements? In architecture design. Older ones made in a traditional way usually have gouache for the colours (although ink and watercolour are also present), and the light sketch lines and straight lines are present to study the perspective, as shown in the example below:

Feels familiar? Well, will you look at that:

One of the reasons why I am giggling everytime he appears on screen is because of these delightful sketch lines. Looook, it has the same style as architecture concept art! Even better, from the mouth of one of the character designers, Kris Anka: NO CURVES!

Even his face has sharp angles (he truly has the most powerful cheekbone game), look at the sketch lines:

And you know what else has a lot of straight lines and sharp angles? Nueva York.

Look at this. Look at this. It's even in the title card when Miles arrives at the Spider Society.

Allow me to make a slight detour to explain what we are looking at while looking at the architecture of Nueva York 2099. What we are seeing here is a blend of brutalism and eco-brutalism. Brutalism is characterised by its materials, steel and concrete, as well as its intent: in a post-WW2 world, architecture is seen with more pragmatism and values function first. Eco-brutalism is a branch deriving from Brutalism, and aiming to reintegrate nature in the concrete jungle in order to create an harmony - albeit a fully man-made one.

The concept artists took (eco-)brutalism and ran away with it for a massive Solarpunk vibe, which makes the whole setting very interesting considering that in the comics, Nueva York is also very much a futuristic dystopia. Yet, using (eco-)brutalism to have us experience the place for the first time along with Miles is a great way to give a sense of awe by way of what we envision as the future to be now:

The interesting bit about it is how (eco-)brutalism and the adjacent solarpunk aesthetic are associated with a rather hopeful future, one where humanity manages to harmonise its modern way of life with a new development of nature. It feels like a haven mixing the relaxing greens of nature with the sharp lines of brutalism architecture, and that's how Nueva York feels on first sight. Similarly, Miguel O'Hara's first appearance leaves quite the memorable impression: tall, with broad shoulders and everything about him being sharp (it's even exagerated in the comics part), even his web.

(Fun fact time: ball pens have initially been designed for architecture and industrial drawings, they are fantastic tools to draw neat lines and create a nice variety of shading as well based on how you push on the pen and how you hatch/cross-hatch to modulate the intensity of the shading. You know who and what could be drawn solely with a couple of ball pens? Check the answer below.)

He also shines at the Guggenheim by showing how competent he is, with a certain benevolence on top of it: he initially rejects Jessica Drew's suggestion of adding Gwen to the lineup (yes Miguel, you don't want her because she's buddy buddy with Miles), yet saves her from being shot by her own father and ends up getting her on board as she finds herself with nowhere to go. It certainly leaves a similarly good first impression as the bright and harmonious first sight we get of Nueva York.

However, the environmental and character designs both give us a deeper look into Nueva York and Miguel, and it's certainly not as pristine as it seems. Just as Miles is about to discover the truth of the Spider Society, he enters a darker lab and Hobie keeps warning him, until they reach the area where Miguel is pretty much playing Big Brother by watching them through some of his screens:

I'd argue that the darker space is a callback to the comics, in which Miguel becomes sensitive to light after his genetic mutation, But it is the very opposite of what we've been shown when introduced to the Spider Society: soft whites and greens are traded for deep blues and the stark orange of multiple screens as well as the tone on Miguel's own costume - the bright orange light of the screens is even reflected on him. This is not a pleasant place, and everytime we see it (the Go Home Machine area has a similar style, albeit more organic in the creepiest way, as displayed above on the 4th screenshot), we witness Miguel having outbursts of anger as well. There is also something that feels disconnected from humanity in the sense that it's colder and more methodical in the design, either with all the sharp angles and stark contrasts, or the alien design of the Go Home Machine.

It's an impression that can also be found once we discover the underbelly of Nueva York, while Miles is being chased:

Here, we also have dark tones with stark neon lights that create the impression of a colder, less caring place, that points to the dystopic nature of the place. The impression is created with great efficiency not only by intense contrasts, but also by using the classic codes for a dystopic society: the solarpunk tones can be found in other stories such as the video game Mirror's Edge (classic case of solarpunk hiding a dystopia), and of course the darker cyberpunk aspects are a staple of the Dystopic Futuristic Society, that goes as far back as the first Bladerunner movie at least, and that can also be found in movies, series and games such as the Ghost in the Shell movies/series and the Cyberpunk TTRPG/video game (which pretty much gave its name to the genre) - I'd even argue we could go further back in time for the references with classics such as Aldous Huxley's Brave New World. It matches with the atmosphere of the Spiderman 2099 as well, which is set exactly in that type of darker, cyberpunk dystopia.

I argue that there's something coldly methodical in Miguel's design and, by extension, Nueva York 2099's design as well. And it is delightfully balanced through an initial positive introduction of both, before being broken down for a darker turn later on during the movie, as it matches Miles' own amazement-turned-disappointment throughout the sequences in Nueva York when his initial desire to belong somewhere is brutally turned on its head by the very persons who could have given him that sense of belonging he was seeking.

Interestingly, even the soundscape for Miguel, "Spiderman 2099" and "Lab 2099", expresses the underlying coldness of Nueva York 2099 and Miguel's own scientific, methodical approach to problems. As explained by Youtuber Azcona in his Miguel O'Hara Suite playlist:

"I'd argue that it has the same tonal resonance that the Prowler theme in the first movie had, though is less villainous and dreadful as that theme. Miguel's theme is a five note synth line that sounds akin to an alarm or siren. It's blaringly loud, but is also used for more calm dialogue scenes in an effective way. The words that come to mind when describing the musical soundscape of Miguel O'Hara is "methodical", because no matter how loud or abrasive his theme gets it has an underlying feeling of coldness and efficiency. This is further shown through a repetitive synth ostinato that plods and chugs during a lot of his scenes/scenes involving the multiverse at large. It's reminiscent of Blade Runner in tone and it's mechanical nature, and I think it suits someone as jaded and distant as Miguel. Not only is his theme alarming and efficient, but also efficient in it's cold, electronic soundscape and melodies."

And this very methodical, cold tone is itself used during the infamous Train Chase and Miguel's on-screen mental breakdown... But more on that in the next part!

#across the spiderverse #atsv #miguel o'hara #atsv miguel #atsv spoilers #character analysis #spiderman 2099 #not twisted wonderland #THE HOLD MIGUEL HAS ON ME IS SO REAL #He truly lives rent free in my head since May 31st #we love Depressed and Overworked DILFs in this house #and now you have to deal with my latest insane ramblings #I hadn't gone that far since Hell's Paradise lmao that was 4 years ago #but man does it feel GOOD #i live and breath for character analysis AND I get a bonus on architecture this time too

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kelseytheballerina · 1 year

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Hi Kelsey!

So I'm an adult but I don't feel like one. I saw your post about how you managed to grow and learn so many things in the span of some months and I want to do that as well. My problem is that I get so scared at just the thought of doing the things I have to and I feel so uncomfortable when I'm about to do something new and I'm afraid I'm gonna mess it up.

I know this is normal but it's keeping me back and I'd like some help although I wouldn't want someone next to me all the time doing those things instead of me because that wouldn't help me become independent.

Thank you for your time!

Start by making a list of what needs to be done to get you more independent. The list will likely be quite long. Don’t be intimidated. Looking at it should feel somewhat of a relief bc you are mature enough to see where you are lacking and pinpoint what changes need to be made. That’s a good thing! You’ll also see that you are closer than you think to being more grown up and it’s just a sheet of paper away from being your reality. Yay! Start working diligently on that list. If you are participating in nun mode then that would be a fantastic time to do it and would be similar to how I went about it as well, only I wasn’t intentionally in nun mode back then. Even if you don’t participate, just make sure that you are indeed working hard on blowing through that list. Most of it will require way less than you think it will. Even if you mess up (there won’t be much to mess up, btw) there is nothing that can’t be fixed later. Trust me.

A big part of feeling grown up is taking charge of your responsibilities, accepting accountability for your actions and failures, no longer making juvenile excuses, prioritizing the important things, making sacrifices when you have to, reaching a point where you can give back to those who helped you make it this far, and taking care of yourself. You can do it. I believe in youuuu ♡

#ask

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iceman-kazansky · 11 months

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Hello iceman-kazansky. Can i request some headcanons (or reactions i don't know which one is true) with eugene roe and ronald speirs? Their fiancee wants to break up after war because she wants to forget everything and thinks that she will experience the same traumas again everytime when she looks in her fiancee's eyes. It's up to you whether the ending will be happy or not. It's not a problem if you are not comfortable with writing this. I really like your blog and i don't mind if you decide not to write 🤎 <your malarkey fic was 🤌🤌🤌 btw>

Pairings: Ronald Speirs x f!reader, Eugene Roe x f!reader

Requested by: Lovely anon who happened to make my week (possibly month) with their kind words

Summary: Ronald Speirs and Eugene Roe headcanons to how they would react to their significant other wanting to break up after the war due to trauma

Warnings: Fluff? Angst? Idek but I hope those who read enjoy

A/n: I’M SO SORRY THIS WASN’T DONE SOONER ANON 😭I wanted it done a lot sooner but sadly some things happened. I’m also sorry that these are super short, I so wish I could’ve made them a lot larger and had more points. I hope you enjoy Anon, for these are my first ever attempt at headcanons

----

Eugene Roe

-First off my baby boy 🥺

-he would be so, so, so sad but understanding at first, he'd just be like "Okay, if that's really what you want ☹️"

-although, once you explained it to him that he was a reminder of the trauma and horrors of war, he would be reassuring and comforting af

-He'd talk to you about how you and him would get through the unexplainable and horrific things you'd seen in that long multiple-year span together

-"I'm here to talk and be with you, through thick and thin; no matter what; I love you. Please know that I'll continue loving you until the day I die."

-He wouldn’t admit it but the things he’d seen, the things he’d done scarred him and stuck with him long after the war and he was desperately in need of someone to talk to so him being able to just comfort you was also helping him get through the trauma of war

-Would definitely offer therapy or a person you could tell your deepest, hardest memories and your shoulder to cry on when you reminisced about your friends' deaths

-If he did persuade you to stay, he'd try comforting you a lot more and taking note of everything that could upset you

-When he does notice you upset over things, he goes out of his way to take care of you, such as buying flowers, chocolates, and anything he could

---

Speirs:

-"Of course not! But you remind me every time I look at you; I can see the horrors written in your eyes Ron. Every time I look at you I can see Hoobler or... or.. Jackson's scared gaze.. That boy- he died in my arms that night in Haganeau and I-"

-When you tell him he'd go quiet and just stare at you in numb shock

-after you finished he'd ask "Is this what you really want?"

-IMMEDIATELY would be so soft with you

-"Oh, Honey"

-He’d hold you in his arms all soft but at the same time firm and steady, he’d also try to talk to you, especially if you started crying, and would be the type to whisper sweet nothings into your ear while you dealt with the distressing memories

-I headcanon he is a real war-hardened veteran on the outside but once you get to know him he’s so kind and caring and an overall very nice person to be around

-When you were finished and you (probably?) realized it wasn’t a good idea to break up with the one thing you knew to be your solace in the rocky world you were only now adapting back into after the horrors of war. Speirs was your soon-to-be husband; your rock in a hard place; a sturdy tree to stand under in a thunderstorm. Speirs was your world and how you’d failed to notice that was nearly catastrophic

-like minutes after, when you’d come to your senses, you’d apologize profusely for even bringing up the idea, but Speirs wouldn’t care; he’d kiss you and hold you and reassure you he was going to stick with you until the very end of time

#x reader #female reader #band of brothers #iceman kazansky #ronald speirs headcanons #ronald speirs x f! reader #ronald speirs #eugene roe #Eugene Roe headcanons #Eugene Roe x F!reader #BoB #Headcanons #.Requested #♤ Requests

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marasschino · 8 months

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hi! I noticed that aigis looks taller than minato in your drawings. might I ask about your height headcanons regarding SEES + Ryoji pretty please 🙏🙏 love all your doodles btw! akechi looks stunning in your art style. you have such a good feel for using expressions & colours to set a mood (sorry for my wacky english, good god)

oh anon I am so sorry it took me forever to get to this. I forgot this was in my inbox 😭 BUT YES I can give you my height headcanons.

Putting this under a cut bc I used hikaku sitatter to compare my headcanon heights months ago + my reasoning

so I'll start out with the ones that didn't change from their canon heights: Yukari, Akihiko, Ken (he is a child and also I couldn't fit him on the chart. it was max 10 people unfortunately), and Koromaru (dog). For Yukari and Akihiko I feel like their canon heights suit them in my very biased opinion.

For Junpei: He just gives tall guy that just had a growth spurt and doesn't know what to do with the extra like 6cm he's acquired. so I went with his height that is canon for P4AU (177cm) instead of his P3 canon height (170.5cm).

For Mitsuru: Her canon height is actually 166cm, but I refuse to believe that. She's still shorter then the guys (excluding Minato) but she is their height by proxy because she always wears heels and boots. It adds to her aura I think.

For Aegis: she is physically a battle robot, built to fight supernatural beings born from the heart. and also her hooves. I actually always thought she was taller than average instead of 163cm just because she was a robot (I've played more P3P then P3fes so I always imagined her to be tall). She was built to be a protector and a tank. There is a lot of juxtaposition in her being a tall robot made of metal and her soft human heart underneath that. Also she needs to be taller than Kotone AND Minato. It's a requirement.

For Fuuka: she is canonically 150cm. I think I made her 154cm because I felt bad that she was so much shorter then everyone... she is still the shortest (not including Ken) but its a smaller gap.

For Shinjiro: his canon height is 177cm. I don't know why I made him 178cm. maybe because I felt he deserved to be at least 1cm taller than Junpei. But you can come to your own conclusions for this.

For Kotone: I never imagined her as being super tall but at least taller than Fuuka and Yukari. And she is a short menace but not a 160cm short menace to me. She stole 5cm from Minato as comeuppance. Also I think it's funny when Minato and Kotone are the same height. not because of the twin headcanon but just because

For Minato: Kotone stole 5cm. and he needs to be shorter than Aegis or its Incorrect. Also considering how inconsistent P3 character heights are displayed (looking at you P3DAN) I kind of default to the way Sogabe draws Minato. Tiny.

And for special-est boy Ryoji: as far as I know I have never found a canon height for Ryoji (which is fine) and I often go off vibes for character heights anyway + I used screenshots from the P3 movies just to get a general idea of Ryoji's possible height. which is probably about 180cm to Minato's canon 170cm (for the movies). I thought it was funny if I kept Ryoji the same (approximate) height despite making Minato shorter. Also there's something endearing about Ryoji being ridiculously tall AND taller than the rest of SEES. godspeed to him. he has probably knocked his head on plenty of doorframes in the span of two months.

And that's all!!! again sorry for taking so long to get to this anon I love getting asks like this but the executive disfunction sometimes makes me forget that people actually send me asks. I'll do better next time o7

#txt #persona headcanons #persona 3 portable #persona 3 #I'm not tagging everyone good lord #asks

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ohmeadows · 2 months

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with the experience you have now, what is something you usually do when you feel the creative block so bad that it makes you want to drop all your writing during an indeterminate period of time? (Not considering talking to someone because i don't have friends with the same interests as me)

Lately i have been writing consistently but now i am in a point between the overwhelming need to keep creating and the suffocating need to just stop. the last time this happened not a single word was written in over a year xd

oh and im so in love with your writing btw <3

thank you and i'm sorry to hear you're struggling with a creative block, i know the feeling all too well. (there's a span of years between 2013 and 2016 where i didn't write at all.)

while a little break does do good, i know the threshold to getting back to it becomes so high it feels insurmountable. but it sounds like you need to replenish the well, as i like to call it. think of your writing as a well you draw from, and it needs a steady supply of water to be able to sustain you dipping into it for the power and inspiration to keep going. feeding it involves engaging in texts in a different way. for me, that's reading, and a lot. i sometimes feel so parched i have to steamroll thru ten books before i feel like i have it balanced again.

i've made some posts beforehand on how to approach reading as a writer (wish i'd tagged them better), but it boils down to:

make lists of beautiful words and sentences that you like; could you emulate them? could you write them in your style?

how do the writers pull off the tricks you struggle with? for me this is knowing when to just move the scene along, or how to showcase that time has passed. (i did a whole study on this from my fave books and it boiled down to just writing "A day later/Weeks down the line/Three months passed before she/It didn't take more than forty-five minutes to get across town but it felt like moving backwards through time" which was fun to learn)

just reading for fun. cannot be understated. sometimes you just need to be pulled into a story and feel too dazzled to stop and think to be reminded of how delicious writing feels

and yes, this goes for mangas, comics, scripts, movies, tv shows, even game writing imo (visual novels are great fun for how they do dialogue and emotional appeal).

another thing to not lose touch with the writing as a practice but maybe take a little breather from the project is to start a journal. i like this one a lot personally, there's the concept of morning pages where you get up in the morning and write three pages without stopping or overthinking.

this leads into automatic writing, which is about setting a timer (25 mins is a good one i feel, but even 15-10-5 does wonders) and while it ticks, you have to keep writing. yes, even if all you write is the same word over and over, or your thoughts as they come to you. this is a key component exercise at all writing schools i've ever gone to. personally i like to "guide it" so to speak with a prompt, be it a word (Lust, Rose, Name, Echo) or a full sentence ("She didn't like where this was going.") or an image. what this exercise teaches you is to shorten the distance between hand putting the words down and your thoughts as they process and come to you, as well as embracing writing messy and ugly and shitty because you can always come back and fix a half-assed page, but you can't do anything with a blank one.

third and final thing: movement. go outside. look around. if you can, get moving, take in the surroundings. there's no expectation on you to write anything from this, just let the movement and your thoughts be it. whenever i hit creative rut, i go for a walk. the first half hour my brain is quiet and annoyed. then things start moving in there as well. i'll walk all the way down to the sea and look at the waves and back home and process an idea from it. (i do keep the notes app on my phone readily available for this, but a notebook or receipt or post-it notes also work fine.)

like all art, writing is a practice and the actual act of writing is maybe 20-30% of what it is. nourish the well and it will nourish you back.

+ for what it's worth, i also often try to edge in rest days where i don't write. at least two a week. be gentle and forgiving on yourself.

#ask meadows anything

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cipherexists · 1 year

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Documenting a few other details that ive found in the way back machine SPG dig

The Spine was originally created with a spinal column made up of smokestacks similar to a locomotive, thus he was appropriately named The Spine. In 1955, the US government invested millions of dollars into upgrading The Spine. Therein he received a brand new titanium alloy spine, and a multitude of highly classified weapons.

yeah, highly classified weapons?? what???

Eventually David entered high school. He was working towards his A+ Certification in computers and looking towards becoming an IT Technician. A sudden (but possibly long overdue) divorce between his parents turned David's life upside down during his Junior year. The divorce didn't go well between parents.

This is not included in Bunny's...despite them being twins... i love the 'sudden (but possibly long overdue) divorce'

David met Jerry Hager for the first time when he took his Beginning Acting class at the college. David knew of Jerry's "miming" down at Seaport Village and even visited his professor a few times while he was performing. It wasn't until his [Sister] [Bunny] took Jerry's mime class, and recommend that he take it with [her] again the following year, that David was introduced to the beauty of the art of mime and movement.

Yes you heard the man, The Jon, The Rabbit, The Spine and Upgrade only went through Three (3) mime classes before their first appearances in balboa park. And none more. (see; Steam Powered Giraffe started at the beginning of the second time David took Jerry's mime class.)

More P.A. Walter VI blog shinanigans

*List of images including but not limited to: Giraffes, toothles (HTTYD), fantasy games and GG <3*

wtf dude, 'Eggs of spider infancy within this meek little blog' ???

Back to the website...2014

Rabbit went on to fight against Becile's copper elephants in 1897, outfitted with a prototype blue matter laser lens array, a Gatling Gun attachment, and a collapsible buzz saw. Rabbit's combat history also spans WWI, WWII, and the Vietnam war.

btw they are still canonically fitted with these weapons, they just wont use them...

Hatchworth time >:)

After getting over that pesky omg-I'm-so-nervous-I'm-going-to-poop-out-all-my-guts feeling, he did ok in theater club. Soon there after, he decided anyone can play guitar, so he did

^^ Sam luke on performing <3

For a while after that, they drifted apart (which tends to happen to friends of Sam).

that is so sad, wth

Approximately junior year a tall, gangly fellow (by the name of David) joined the drama club and introduced himself as such. Sam spent many'a afternoon trying to discern the Bennett twins (one wears black and one wears dragons). The only way Sam chooses to explain the early days of "Hangin' With the Bennetts" is as follows:

"it was like being a supporting character on some weird sitcom within a sitcom."

Sam Luke on meeting the Bennet twins :')

Fast forward a bit and it turns out the Bennetts only got weirder with time. They were robots now and apparently they needed a drummer.

That sounds about right..

Somehow I also became a robot apparently.

Do we know how that happened...yes, will i explain that...not yet

When Peter Walter I began constructing an army of robots, he used whatever source of metal he could find. So it wasn't surprising when his own cast iron stove served as the base for a bronze-laden robot.

...that explains the insanity, i too would keep spaghetti in my pocket if i was made of a stove

upon examination Peter Walter II discovered a hairline fracture had been developing for years in the robot's power core. Hatchworth had been leaking a troublesome amount of concentrated blue matter energy[...]Mustache and all, the Walter boys locked Hatchworth in a lead vault deep within Walter Manor until they could find a solution. But months pouring over his original schematics proved fruitless for the boys and soon months turned into years...and then turned into decades.

Thats how hatchworth came about.... yeah no definitely would be insane at that point.

#steam powered giraffe #rabbit spg #spg the spine #spg hatchworth

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babyitsbeautiful · 5 months

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Life Update for 2023. (It's a long one.)

For those that follow me on other social media platforms, you already know what's been happening and I appreciate the love and support.

For those that don't, I feel like this is long overdue. Especially to my 'crash through the surface' readers. I promise I will give you the ending you deserve.

To start, this has been a hell of a year. So many unexpected things have happened in such a short time frame that it's hard to convey just how crazy it's truly been.

I gained a new sister with whom my father had out of an affair before he died 23 years ago, although she is wonderful in every way, so I guess I can thank him for at least giving me another beautiful sister.

We met at the beginning of the year and have stayed close ever since. It's like we've known each other forever. The first half of the year was very exciting for me. I had a new sister, got to do so many fun things and work the Vampire Diaries/Originals convention for Creation Entertainment. Truly an amazing few months. I was so excited to find out how the rest of the year would go. I was even in the mood to start writing again.

But then the unimaginable happened. My 8 year old blue heeler, Lucy, had what we thought was a benign fatty lipoma (she had all the signs) removed at the beginning of July that turned out to be a high grade mast cell tumor that was basically untreatable and irreversibly fatal.

Ironically, we got the news two weeks after her surgery, on the 23 anniversary of my dad's death... from cancer. I was completely devasted. I could tell immediately that her vet did not want to give me that news. I asked every question I could think of and was told there was nothing I could have done to prevent it, nor would Chemo even work at that point, it was already too far progressed. He told me to ignore the estimated remaining life span noted in her test results (less than 4 months) and to just love and spoil her everyday. I told him I already do that, but I did go the extra mile for her anyway.

We had a good rest of the summer, all the way through September she showed no signs, other than the metastatic growth of the cancer cells in the same area on her belly, forming twice as worse than before. But she didn't mind, and just continued to live her best life.

I told her that she would get to see her Uncle soon, my younger brother, when he came to town for our new sister's wedding at the end of September (he walked her down the aisle, hella cute btw.) She loves loves loves her uncle, and was beyond excited to see him.

And I swear to you she stayed as strong as she could just to be able to see him one last time because on the day he left, her tumors ruptured and her health started to rapidly decline. I did all that I could for the month of October to keep her here with me. We bandaged her up so the bleeding would stop, she got medication from the vet, but there was only so much that could be done. She stayed so strong though, I could tell she was a fighter, still with a smile on her face.

But in that last week, when the medication no longer worked and she lost that smile and had that look on her face, a look of intense pain and just all around defeat, I knew she needed me to carry her strength.

She silently told me that she was ready and I made the call that changed my life forever. So on October 25th, we said our goodbyes and she fell asleep in my arms before waking up on the other side of the rainbow bridge where there was no more pain or fear.

She was my entire world and I, hers.

It's been a month now, and it still hurts every day, but every day is a little better than the last. The second half of the year has really changed me in so many ways. My life is so different now, because my entire life revolved around taking care of her. And I wouldn't have changed it for anything. Lucy was never a people person kind of dog, she did not like strangers or other animals. So if I wasn't working, I was at home with her. The times I had a social life or travelled were rare and far between.

But she's gone now and my life belongs to just me again. It's a strange feeling really, not having that kind of dependency anymore, but I revel in it at times.

I've travelled more in the last month than I have in years as keeping myself busy and away from an empty apartment helps. I will be going to New York for the first time this New Year's Eve, which is amazing and so exciting.

I confess that at first I felt the guilt of being able to do fun things at her expense of being gone. But her being gone was not anyone's choice, it was just something that neither of us could control and I had to end her pain when it was still beginning rather than have her suffer more than she already was. I know that. I would just rather have her with me for a few more years than be able to do fun things. She was my fun thing. ♥

With all that being said, I am at a very different stage in my life now that involves me getting back into the things that make me happy, which is writing.

I never intended to go this long without updating this story, but then life, like the one I've lived this year, happens and certain things just take precedent over other things.

I will be getting back into 'crash through the surface' very soon. I've thought about it more in the last few weeks than in a long time. So to my readers both (potentially) new and old, thank you thank thank you for the love on what we have so far. The story is far from over.

Also a huge thank you to everyone who has me on Facebook and Instagram and keeps up with my craziness, I truly adore all of you.

And if you don't but want to: @hollyelizabeth3

#me #life update #ctts #crash through the surface #gendrya

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