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ruskaroma · 9 months

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ordinary, corrupt human love. | chapter 2: you get me closer to god.

Summary: John is a manipulator, and she, is the new subject of his obsession.

Warnings: this chapter contains stalking, mentions of large age gap, graphic descriptions of violence, and manipulation.

read the warnings. john is not only a menace, he is evilllll.

Author’s note: and we are back, baby. today, in this chapter, you are going to be witnessing a LOT of fucked up shit from none other than john wick himself. my man’s been doing a lot, god bless his poor soul.

also may i remind you all that the reader here is naive! she is stupid! she is not the brightest! she’s just desperate for attention and affection, so her decisions are always stupid and all of that. (please do not hate her, she is trying her best.)

this took me a while to write because it’s long asf and also because you know me, i always struggle with the english language, but i hope i won’t disappoint you with this chapter!

thank you so much for waiting and continuing to support this fic! really, it gives me a lot of motivation to keep writing, and i really appreciate all your sweet comments and reblogs on my last post.

i hope you also enjoy this new chapter since we’re going to have another peak of what goes on in john’s dark, dark mind. (I PROMISE THE SEX SCENE WOULD BE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER.)

and again, this is not edited so all mistakes are on me! i really do apologize, english is not my first language.

Word count: 10.6k

also read on AO3

In this business, you’d see different kinds of reactions when a man walks into a room.

They all see themselves above everybody else. They think they’re better, deadlier, smarter. That’s the kind of mindset you need if you want to survive. How will you get out of being held at gunpoint when you’re a weakling?

When a man walks into a room, they’ll take a moment to stare.

On the outside, you’d think these people have a lot of respect for one another since they all work in the same circle anyway. But in real life, you’d see the blatant lack of respect these people truly have for each other, because they’ll stare and judge.

When John walks into a room, it’s a different story.

Fear.

John is not like any other man in business they think they could just judge and get away with it, no. John is well respected and feared. He could see it in their eyes when he pass by. The extreme discomfort and alarm to be in the same presence as him. Even if they try so hard to hide it, John sees right through them.

They view him as… something but human. He’s a killing machine. An attack dog. A monster, some would even say.

Back in the days, John wasn’t exactly fond of the names they’ve been giving him. When he was still new in the game, he didn’t like how he struck fear over these people because he wasn’t quite sure how to handle the power he truly has over them.

But now, something has shifted.

John is a free man. Not the kind of free when he was with Helen, but free nonetheless. Free because instead of getting alarmed with the fact that he’s feared all over this underworld, he’s taking advantage of it. Much to the higher ups dismay. They have been having a very hard time keeping up with his recent activities.

Growing up, it seemed like John got the worst sadistic discipline in Ruska Roma.

All of them did, don’t get him wrong. All of them suffered – blood, sweat and tears. They were all forced to go through extreme discipline, because it’s the crack of the whip that gets the rats going.

But John… John got the worst of it.

He used to take the fall for his fellow students. Fingers couldn’t count just how many times he was belted on the back for someone else’s mistake. The amount of times he was starved, denied of any kind of food or water, and that’s how it’s always been.

John has always been denied for the things he wanted. The things he needed.

Now, he is not greedy. He’s not just going to take everything in his way like a kid that got away from its parents’ grip, because he doesn’t want a lot of things. John already has a house, a dog companion, enough money to last forever.

John already has everything except her.

His most happy moments couldn’t compete with the hot curl within his guts that he feels every time his mind flashes back to that night. That night when she gave in, when she gave herself away to him – willingly.

John didn’t need to give her a little push to finally get her. She practically offered herself to him, bared her neck and John’s itching to take a bite. To finally make her his once and for all, but really, he doesn’t need to do that to know that she’s his.

Like he said, he’s not going to force himself into her life. He’s going to be welcomed. By the looks of it, it seems like it wouldn’t be such a hard thing to do after all. Not when she’s already giving up information about herself to John through texts – she’s practically making it easy for him to get her.

So naive. Doesn’t got a fucking clue in the world.

Mine. Mine. Mine. Fucking mine –

John looks at his phone, reading the messages both of them sent each other the night before, and there it is again. The itch in his hands, the need to possess.

13.06.15 11:46 PM

Bambi: hello! this is Y/N from the club the other night

13.06.15 11:46 PM

Bambi: also that Y/N who returned your super expensive looking coin hehe ;) i hope you didn’t forget about me!

John changed her name on his phone. He changed it to something more… intimate. More sweet.

13.06.15 11:48 PM

John : I could never.

13.06.15 11:48 PM

John : You’re hard to forget.

He remembers – no, saw – how she responded. With a smile on her face, hopeful.

13.06.15 11:49 PM

Bambi : using my words against me, i see :D

13.06.15 11:49 PM

Bambi : good to know you’re still as slick as the last time we chatted haha

13.06.15 11:49 PM

John : Hard not to. I wanted to impress you.

13.06.15 11:50 PM

Bambi : you already did.

13.06.15 11:50 PM

Bambi : with all your brooding and intimidating look. just my type ;D

John smiles to himself as he reads the message. He remembers the look on her face when she’s typing, and hasn't got a clue that the man she’s flirting with was observing her just from across her building. John wouldn’t call it invading her privacy, he calls it keeping her safe.

13.06.15 11:50 PM

Bambi : anywho i asked for your number for a reason. i really do want to talk to you again. not just in chat, i mean, but also in real life :)

13.06.15 11:50 PM

Bambi : maybe we could get to know each other more? what do you say??? meet up again, but this time planned unlike our other previous meetups?? haha

He is not a teenager to be feeling this giddy over reading messages, but she truly brings out something shameful in him.

13.06.15 11:51 PM

John : I should be the one asking you that.

13.06.15 11:51 PM

Bambi : you were taking too looonggg :(

13.06.15 11:51 PM

Bambi : so what do ya think?

13.06.15 11:52 PM

John : Of course I’ll go. I told you I’d make time for you, didn’t I?

13.06.15 11:52 PM

John : I’m a man of my word.

13.06.15 11:52 PM

Bambi : ok that’s great! i was so worried you wouldn’t say yes.

John had averted his eyes from the phone that night and onto the little lady across the building. She was rolling around on her bed, still dressed in her pink, fluffy robe and her hair was still wet. She looks like a puppy that John wanted to pet; stroke her hair and tell her she’s his good girl.

13.06.15 11:52 PM

John : When do you want to meet?

13.06.15 11:53 PM

Bambi : aahhhhh let’s see

13.06.15 11:53 PM

Bambi : i have classes tomorrow morning BUTTT we can def meet up during lunch! i get out of school at like 12 and go to work at 3 :D

I know, John wanted to say. I’ve memorized your everyday schedule in the span of two days.

13.06.15 11:53 PM

John : How about I pick you up from your school, we grab lunch, and I drop you off to work?

13.06.15 11:53 PM

John : Or is it too soon?

13.06.15 11:53 PM

Bambi : oh my god no way REALLY?

13.06.15 11:53 PM

Bambi : nooo it’s not too soon don’t worry! you def could so we have more time to talk and everything! i just hope i won’t be bothering you or anything.

13.06.15 11:53 PM

Bambi : do you have work tomorrow? you look like a 9 to 5 kinda guy :P

God, she’s fucking adorable.

13.06.15 11:54 PM

John : I don’t, so you don’t have to worry. I’d love to talk to you more as well.

13.06.15 11:54 PM

Bambi : ok! i cannot wait for tomorrow. i should probably sleep now tho so i wouldn’t look shitty when you see me :D

13.06.15 11:54 PM

Bambi : here is the address of my school. [Address]

13.06.15 11:54 PM

Bambi : can’t wait to see you tomorrow, john! goodnight, see you soon! x

13.06.15 11:55 PM

John : Goodnight, sweet girl. Have a good sleep.

John hadn’t meant to type that. He felt his heart drop to his stomach, terrified that he somehow scared her away with the sudden affection. But then he saw her read his message, dropped her phone on the bed, and then rolled over again like a lap dog.

She’s too easy to tame, so gullible. John almost couldn’t believe how fast she folded, how desperate she really is. But then again, he could say the same about himself. Lonely and desperate, they were meant to be together. He likes to believe God had put them in this position because of fate, because he has a plan for every single one of us.

John’s never been the one to believe in Him, but he finds himself grasping to that very little delusion that keeps him from going insane.

11:55 AM, the students are already making their way out of their designated buildings.

John is keeping his guard on high alert, eyes scanning the crowd to find her. He’s parked just across the school gate, leaning against his car as he checks the time on his wrist. He’s also holding his phone in the other, waiting for it to vibrate in case she drops a message.

He’s never felt this giddy before. Hands clammy and eyes searching frantically, excited because he’s finally getting to spend alone time with her, but also worried in fear of losing her in the crowd. John doesn’t like it when he doesn’t have the upper hand. When he doesn’t have control of the situation. When she’s not in his line of vision and could be doing god knows what without his supervision.

He checks his phone again. 11:58, where is she?

John knows at this time, she should be out and about already, waiting for a cab to her apartment. His fingers itch, hovering over the screen of his phone. He begins contemplating if he should send a message, but that would make him look demanding and clingy. He doesn’t want to leave that kind of impression on her, or otherwise he’d have no choice but to abduct her and keep her locked away if she thinks about running –

He blinks, sucking in deep breath.

“Shit,” he whispers, looking up to the school gate again. This isn’t good. What the fuck was he even thinking?

John tries not to think about it. Tries to convince himself that he is not as fucked up as his mind is making him out to be. He wouldn’t stoop that low, he’s not that cruel –

Are you not?

A certain someone appears in the crowd, standing outside the school gate, already spotting John and waving at him from across the road. Her face is bright, smiling wide. John never wanted to possess something so bad.

He waves back, all his dark thoughts suddenly gone, and everything is rainbows and sunshine. John watches as she crosses the road carefully, looking left and right, seeming small with the people around her. She looks like a lost puppy.

John wants to pet.

“John, hey!” she beams, running up to him to give him a hug which catches John off guard. She’s on her tiptoes just to wrap her arms around his broad shoulders, and John doesn’t want to make her upset for not immediately reacting with her affection, and so he puts his arm around her waist and bends down to place his chin on her shoulder.

He fights the urge to bury his nose in her neck, then maybe sucks a few hickeys, leaving a bite mark to show that the big, bad wolf has already marked his mate.

She’s so fucking easy to get, John thinks.

When she pulls away from the hug, John tries not to look disappointed. Her cologne lingers in his nose. “Sorry. Force of habit.”

“You don’t ever need to say sorry for that,” John says, faux stern as he places a hand on her waist subtly. She looks like she doesn’t mind, that’s a good thing.

“Okay then,” she smiles politely. “Oh, and I’m sorry if I look like a mess. Just say the words and I would totally change to more appropriate clothes before we go somewhere.”

“You look beautiful,” John says smoothly, standing up straight. Even though she looks underdressed next to John who’s wearing a three-piece suit, she is still heart-wrenchingly beautiful. In fact, John likes the contrast.

“T-thanks.”

“Should we go?”

“Sure! I’m excited,” she giggles, the sound practically dancing in his ear. “I’m hungry. Where will we eat?”

“Hm, what do you like?” he asks.

“Dunno. Burger and milkshake.”

“Sounds unhealthy.”

“The only thing I can afford, unfortunately,” she jokes, though John doesn’t answer, only opening the car door for her. “We should eat in a diner. I know a good one! Also cheap, so you won’t have to worry about the price.”

“I never worry about the price, darling,” John murmurs, but still loud enough for her to hear as she gets inside the vehicle. He swiftly walks to the driver’s seat and starts the car, glancing at his little bambi who’s observing the interior intensely. “You like it?”

“It’s so cool. I’ve never been in a car like this.”

“You’re going to have a lot of firsts when you’re with me.”

As John starts driving, the girl beside him babbles. Not that he minds, of course. He listens and nods, so obsessed with her voice that he could listen to it forever. It’s amazing how John could easily hide the fact that he was just stalking her from across her apartment the night before in the back of his mind, like it never even happened. It’s amazing how he could act like he wasn’t just thinking about kidnapping her and locking her away from the public forever.

But then again, everything about his little bambi would make anyone risk it all for her. It’s not just John. Anyone would do the same if they were in his shoes.

“How was school?” John asks, averting his eyes from the road for a moment to look at her.

“Eh, it was alright. Classes always drain me, no wonder I’m so hungry now,” she answers politely. One of the few things John noticed about her. How she doesn’t run out of things to say, how she can get the conversation going. “How about you? You going to work after our lunch? You’re dressed up for it.”

“I took the day off today,” he replies vaguely.

“What? Why?”

“I have a date with you.”

She seems to be shocked by John’s choice of words, but she’s more concerned with the fact that John took the day off for her. “Y-yeah, but you didn’t have to do that. We could just go on a date next time.”

“The sooner, the better,” he explains, feeling another surge of something hot into his veins. She agreed that this is a date. Just how fucking gullible can she get? “Work is no problem for me. I want to get to know you more.”

“O-okay. I wanna get to know you more too.”

When John catches a glimpse of her bright smile beaming at him, his hands tighten around the wheel and he steps on the gas harder.

John doesn’t like how his mind isn’t making him remember about Helen.

He should be remembering her. He should feel some kind of guilt for being in a restaurant with another woman, but he doesn’t. Every single day since she died, his mind would always make him think about her. But now, it’s like John completely forgot about her existence at all.

The wedding ring on his finger is long gone. Ever since his unhealthy obsession began, he thought that wearing that while doing something so sinful felt so wrong. Helen shouldn’t have to witness all the things he had done in the name of a girl he had only met once that time.

The diner isn’t packed with people. The sizzling of the burgers grilling on the pan and the chatters seem to drown out eventually when his little bambi starts talking.

John gives her a small smile, barely there, just to show her that he’s listening, all his attention is on her.

“Time seems to pass by so fast, huh? I remember when I bumped into you the first time, I really thought I wouldn’t see you again,” she starts the conversation with a bang, but thankfully John’s prepared for this type of talk.

“So you really wanted to see me then?” he smirks slightly.

“Yeah! You’re really good looking and it’s not always I see a guy as handsome as you in my apartment complex and my school,” she says bluntly, though John could see the faint blush on her cheeks when she mentions the word ‘good looking.’ “So of course I had to take my chance when I met you again at that club! God, you were my knight in shining armor. I would’ve been crushed to death if it wasn’t for you.”

“That’s why you should always be careful on the road. You’re small, everyone could look past you if you weren’t careful enough.”

She pouts, placing her chin on her hand as she stares lovingly at John. “You’re exaggerating. I’m not small. You’re just saying that because you’re too big. And I’m always careful on the road – it was only that time that I lost balance and almost fell.”

“Then it better not happen again,” John says sharply, leaning back against the cushioned seat as he stares back at her challengingly. “But there’s no need to worry for the next time. I won’t let that happen again.”

“Next time?” she teases. “So you want to see me again next time, then?”

“Have I not made it clear with my actions and words?” John shoots back, raising another eyebrow. She likes it when he’s being stern like this. All authoritative. She might not know it yet, but her body language speaks for itself. “Do you want to see me again?”

The little bambi smiles brightly, and It hurts. It hurts John to see that smile because she’s just like the sun. But no matter how much she shines, John would do anything just to touch. Just to possess. Just to break.

“Of course! I wouldn’t have gotten your number if I didn’t, right?”

“Good.”

It’s not like she could do much anyways if she says no. Nothing will ever stop John from seeing her again, no matter how bad the procedure would be.

The food then arrives and is served on the table, and John thinks he has never felt anything like this before.

His hands have never felt this itchy before. That desperate, longing feeling to just possess the very thing that’s placed right in front of you. Everything about her is just so captivating, staring up at John like he’s the one who hung the moon, so full of adoration and hope.

Seems like John isn’t the only desperate one between the two of them. He could see it in her eyes. She’s practically begging him to take care of her.

And really, he can’t blame her.

An absent mother and an alcoholic father. No wonder she’s seeking attention from a man like John. A man old enough to be her father – if not older than her own father. John would be more than willing to fulfill the role her father failed to be when she was young. He’d do anything to protect her, morals be damned.

She looks too good to be true sitting right in front of him and he didn’t think watching someone devour a burger twice as big as her face would be so endearing. The way she licks her lips, the way her eyes sparkle every time John would pay attention to the little things she’d absentmindedly insert in her stories. No one must’ve given her this kind of attention before. No one but John.

“Oh, before I forget!” She places a hand on John’s arm that’s perched on the table. A mere innocent touch, yet he can’t help but feel a little giddy on the inside. “We’ve been talking for like, an hour now, and I still haven’t asked what your job is. I’ve been really curious ever since you told me you took a day off just for this. Are you like the boss or something?”

Ah. Of course.

A question like this is inevitable, thank god John came prepared.

“No,” he simply says. “I’m a book binder. I collect and restore books as both a hobby and job.”

“Wow,” she nods her head, now interested as she leans forward and closer to him. She smells so sweet, John feels like he’s snorting sugar. “I didn’t think book binding could earn you so much money. Considering you’re dressed pretty… comfortably. And you have a nice car.”

“It pays enough,” John replies. Sooner or later she’d find out what he really does for a living, and no doubt she’d be scared. John already has a plan of action for when that would happen, but for now, he’ll try to keep it a secret as long as he can. “Pays enough to let me spoil you in the future. In fact, I think I might just start spoiling you now.”

“You say that to every woman you meet?” She quirks an eyebrow, teasing.

“Just for you. You’re special.”

John sees the way she immediately turns shy and nervous from the statement. It must’ve felt overwhelming, having someone so much older and with more experience to hit on her like that. But John would say it brings a whole different feeling in him, like ego-lifting of some sort, knowing he just might be the only man that treated her right in her life.

Does killing one of her guy friends and storing him in his basement means treating her right? Does stalking her and watching her sleep from across the building is a way to treat her right? Different story to be told for another day.

“I believe you,” she says, smiling.

Of course you do.

John diverts her attention from him. “You’re a veterinary student and also part time in a veterinary clinic. What made you want to pursue it?”

“Uh, let’s see. I don’t really have like, a very logical reason for it. I just really love animals and I want them to be part of my job as well,” she shrugs. “As for the part time thing, one of my older friends works there and got me in to gain some experience. I don’t really do much, I help with the paperworks and watch how they do stuff around there.”

I know.

“Your unconditional love for animals is logical enough.”

“I know right. Best job in the world, I might add. I get to pet all kinds of different animals everyday, and mind you I’m not even a real doctor yet,” she giggles, then tilts her head in curiosity. “Do you have a pet, John?”

“I do. I have a dog,” he answers, taking a sip of his own milkshake. It’s sweet, it’s something he’s not used to, but it reminds him of her. “Unfortunately, I haven’t named her yet.”

She frowns. “Why not?”

“I don’t know how to. I’m not good with names,” John shrugs. This conversation with her alone just might be the longest conversation he’s ever shared with someone ever since Helen died. And even with his late wife, he wasn’t as talkative as this. “Maybe you could name her. She’s a large pitbull but surprisingly very gentle for her size.”

“Oh my god, John, I have to meet her!” She beams. “Maybe on our next date, don’t you think? Let’s bring her with us to the park, have a little picnic there or something.”

Next date.

She wants to go on another date with him and she is making this a lot easier for John.

His lips stretch into a rare smile, fingers twitching subtly around the glass as he stares right into her eyes. There’s no hidden intention behind them, just pure adoration with a twinge of hope. Probably hopes that John wants the same thing as her, but he wouldn’t let her know that she is in for a lot more than she bargained for.

“I can’t wait for our next one.”

John could still remember the little things that made him feel human.

Back in the Marines, when he first killed somebody, he felt a tremendous amount of guilt and self-hating that he couldn’t sleep for a week. He’d have nightmares of it; of holding his gun up to somebody’s head and blowing it up with just one single movement. The residue of the flesh splattered all over his face, some of them even went to his mouth. His hands shaked but he didn’t let his crew see it. In their eyes, that wasn’t the first time he had done it.

When he was recruited by Viggo and his little minions, the guilt of killing people was still there, but barely. He used to wish he didn’t feel any guilt or remorse at all every time he pulled a trigger, but looking back at it now, he wishes he could just take it all back. It was only guilt that he felt most of his life, but it made John human.

Now, he doesn’t feel very human as he stands in the middle of an abattoir holding a machete with pints of blood pooling at his shoes.

Back then, he used to kill. Point, shoot, leave. A very short routine he told himself to stick with unless he wanted to get in trouble. But now, he is not only just killing. John is fucking slaughtering people.

His eyes land on the dead body hanging from the meat hook. Naked, gutted alive just a few moments ago. His stomach is sliced open with his own intestines wrapped around his neck, and it fucking stinks.

The raw stench of human blood mixing with the already reeking smell of the slaughtered pigs hanging just besides the one John had slaughtered himself.

Really, John should feel even just a little amount of remorse or disgust. His client didn’t particularly gave him a specific order on how to fucking kill the target, John did it himself. He didn’t know what the fuck was he thinking when he was doing the wet work, all he knows is that he’s getting worse each day that passes.

The killing part took some time considering the man certainly put up a fight. He was smuggling drugs inside the pigs he was slaughtering. It works on people too, though it’s too risky. Dying with balloons of cocaine up your throat or ass isn’t exactly the way you’d want to die, nor the kind of state you want your body to be in.

John really didn’t mean to go this far, but all the pent up anger and frustration led him to do something so ugly. He feels like a ticking bomb. Every second a little part of humanity just starts fading away, who knows what would happen if all of it were gone.

This is his first kill since his date with his bambi. That was five days ago. John decided to take another job while he’s waiting for her next decision. He doesn’t want to look clingy and creepy by constantly texting her every chance he gets, so he lets her do it in her own phase. Though, waiting for her texts sure did take a lot of rampant rage on John’s side. Lots of broken furniture and a creepy amount of hours watching her sleep from across the building.

Just because John is letting her do her own thing for the meantime, doesn’t mean he gets to take his eyes off of her. It’s for the best.

Their last conversation was yesterday. It was a pretty long conversation, but not long enough for John’s satisfaction. She left it off by saying she’s going to be busy studying for her test and cleaning her apartment, which John didn’t have the time to check if she was telling the truth since he was busy himself.

John is dying to see her again but he knows he’s gonna have to wait it out in the Continental. Or maybe if he’s feeling a little bit insane, he’d ditch having to rest and spend his time sitting on a dusty chair in the same dusty room he’s been staying in for awhile; the building across from her apartment. But until then he’ll have to see where time will take him.

His phone ringing in his jacket is what snaps him from his thoughts. Bringing a bloodied hand to get it, he almost couldn’t press the screen by the slippery liquid covering his fingers. John presses the phone to his ear, waiting for the person to speak.

“Hey, boss. How’s Russia treating you so far? Hopefully not great ‘cause I’ve got some news that will cheer you up.” The deep voice of Alex echoes in the abattoir. It must’ve slipped John’s mind that he had sent Alex again to tail her again while he’s out overseas.

He furrows his brows, curious. “How is she?”

“Hm, let’s see here. Your little pet has been up and about all day with her little friends after they’ve finally noticed the disappearance of that little shit we took care of a while back – speaking of which, how is he by the way?”

“Rotting. Dissolving in my basement,” John replies, hands tightening around the handle of the machete. So this is what she’s been doing and the reason why she hasn’t messaged him all day. “I say the fucker got what he deserved. He’s a creep who preys on women to rape, I’m just thankful we got him out of the way before he got to her.”

“Yeah, well. She doesn’t know that and I doubt she’d even stop looking for her creepy friend unless they’ve found him. What do you want me to do?”

“Give it a day or two. Wait for me to get back and I’ll take it from there.”

“Anything else?” John hears loud chattering in the background, he furrows his brows.

“Yeah. Where are you right now?”

“Uhh, keeping her in my sight like you told me to?” Alex sounds particularly sassy. John doesn’t know if he should be pleased or not. “She’s at a restaurant. I think she’s having a meeting with her other friends or something – she looks upset.”

“Upset because of her missing friend, I assume.”

“Probably. Have you talked to her at all today, boss? Pretty sure I have not yet seen her pick up her phone all day.”

“No,” John simply says. “But she will. I’m sure of it.”

“I see you’ve finally gotten her dependent on you now.”

“Not enough, apparently, since she’s gone a full day without talking to me.”

“Well, you’re definitely getting there,” Alex says under his breath. “I’m going now, boss. They’re leaving to god knows where.”

John doesn’t say anything else, only ending the call and pocketing back his phone. He looks around the area, the coppery smell of blood is stronger than before. He is the reason why it stinks in here, the reason why there’s so much blood and brutality. The body that hangs right in front of him is lifelessly staring with dead, cold eyes. John resists the urge to shove a balloon of fucking cocaine into his stomach, the same thing he’s been doing with these pigs, brutalize him more if that’s even possible, but he knows it wouldn’t help his already worsening mentality.

The thought of someone seeing this body and thinking about how fucked up the person who did this doesn’t concern him as much as it should.

Instead, John turns his heels and walks away from the scene.

Unsurprisingly, getting her to depend on John isn’t the hardest task to do.

It just might be the easiest.

The moment John arrives at the Continental, he takes his time to message his bambi. It’s only reasonable, he wouldn’t come out as a clingy creep since it’s been a full day since his last message, he has every right to know what and how she’s doing despite already getting enough pictures and updates from Alex.

He asks her how she’s been, waits for approximately ten minutes before he finally gets a reply. In those ten minutes, John takes his time scrolling through the pictures Alex had sent him. Pictures of her bundled up in large, colorful sweaters and wearing a frown on her pretty face. She looks rough, but she makes looking rough look good.

Bambi : hi, john :(( sorry i didn’t text you all day. was busy with something

John : That’s alright, I understand. I’m just glad you replied. Did something come up? Was it about school?

Bambi : kind of. my friend from school is missing and we don’t know where he is. we’re worried because he hasn’t answered any of our calls for a week and his apartment is practically empty.

Reading that almost makes him resist an urge to sickly smile to himself. His fingers hover the screen, careful of what his next words might be.

John : I’m sorry to hear that. Have you gotten any updates from the police? What did they say?

Bambi : nothing yet unfortunately. no one saw him the night he went missing :(

John : I’m sure you’ll find him soon enough. I hope nothing extremely bad happened to your friend.

He sounds… manipulating. There aren’t any more words that could describe what John is doing to her. He doesn’t even know if he can still make up excuses to tell himself that everything is completely fine and normal.

The girl that he likes is currently sharing about the horrifying tragedy her ‘friend’ is facing, the horrifying tragedy being John’s fault, and he’s fucking lying about it. And what truly terrifies him the most is not about the fact that he’s manipulating her, he’s terrified because it feels normal and just… fine.

Normal, normal, normal–

Can John really win her over by going this path? If not, would it really matter?

He will still have the upper hand if this doesn’t end well. But then again, there’s a very small chance that it wouldn’t – if not none at all. John just needs to play his cards well and there wouldn’t be a problem.

Bambi : thank you john. really hope that too. it doesn’t feel the same without him

John’s jaw ticks.

What do you mean it doesn’t feel the same without that fucker? I killed him for you! He was a creep who only wanted to fuck you and take you away from me and–

A dangerous feeling suddenly surge into his veins that he wants to put back together all the pieces of that fucker just to destroy it in his hands once again.

Maybe mutilating him and dissolving him in pure acid just isn’t enough. Maybe he deserved more. Maybe John should’ve took his fucking time torturing that little shit instead of killing him instantly.

John : And how are you? I hope you’re not too worried about this matter that you start to forget about taking care of yourself.

Bambi : i’m doing fine, but a bit sad bc of it. i also miss you and i wish u’re here so i wouldn’t be too sad

And just like that, it’s like all his resentment and rage just one minute prior vanished in a snap of a finger. A small smile makes its way to his face and a surge of ego soars into his chest. She has no idea she’s got a dangerous assassin wrapped around her finger and the consequences it’d bring her.

Bambi : are u still overseas? when will you be back?

John : Tomorrow, hopefully.

John : And I miss you too, sweetheart. I promise I’ll be back as soon as I finish work.

Bambi : can’t wait to see you. do u want me to pick u up at the airport? :D

John : Thank you, baby, but that won’t be necessary. I don’t want to keep you busy when you already have too much in your hands.

Bambi : mkay. but call me or text me when u arrive, ok?

John : Of course.

John is not stupid.

If he ever noticed a man following his every step, he didn’t once care or say a word.

It’s one of Winston’s men, obviously, following him around throughout his business in Russia up to boarding the same plane as him back to New York. Considering John had managed to catch on pretty quickly at the fact that Winston sent someone to trail him, this poor guy is not doing a particularly good job.

At first, John thought about taking care of the guy himself and bringing Winston a souvenir of his dog’s fingers or even one of his eyeballs, but decided that he is not that cruel.

He could be, but knowing he holds all the power over several people under The Table makes John wants to play the game a little longer and just fucking shiver in excitement.

Obviously Winston had noticed that John is up to no good. Not that it’s any of his business, he’s more likely just scared for his own life. He’s probably thinking it was a bad idea to bring John back into the game now that he’s living up to the horrors of his reputation and giving people exactly what they wanted.

When John first returned to the field, it was only to avenge his late wife and nothing more. But now that a bigger monster has grown within him over the course of his stay, he’s now also looking for the fuel to his fire.

And boy did he find it.

The fuel being in the form of a young woman who’s unaware of how much power she has over John. It’s only a matter of time before all hell breaks loose.

10:56 PM.

“Hello.”

“Hello? John?”

“It’s me, darling. How are you?”

“Doing fine. Studying for my exam and all. Why are you calling at this hour, though?”

“Just wanted to let you know that I just arrived back in New York and see how you’re doing.”

“Oh, John, it’s so late. I was thinking earlier that you would arrive tomorrow morning or afternoon, you didn’t tell me you boarded a flight.”

“I wanted to be back as soon as possible and wanted to surprise you, but my flight got delayed so I only just arrived now.”

A soft laugh rings in his ear.

“You’re so cheeky. We can just meet up tomorrow if you’d like, go on a picnic at a park or something. I really, really wanna meet your dog.”

John hears a sigh, then the sound of paper rustling in the background. He counts – one, two, three – here it comes.

“I miss you, John.”

He pushes the curtain aside with two fingers, peering his eyes in the small opening as he watches the figure at the other side of the building. She’s sitting on her study desk in front of a laptop, freshly showered and wearing specs that John can’t help his heart to ache.

It’s been so long.

“I miss you too, sweetheart. Couldn’t stop thinking about you when I was away.”

“That’s very sweet. I hope you brought souvenirs for me, though, or otherwise I will be very sad.”

“How can I forget? I bought everything that reminded me of you when I was there.”

“Now you’re just spoiling me.” Another laugh, then John sees her getting up from the chair and laying on the bed. “I’m happy that I’d get to see you again tomorrow, John. Everything that’s been happening is just so… I don’t know. Stressful, I guess. From my friend missing and school work, I don’t even know where to start. I just wanna be with you again.”

The mention of her friend Jay ticks him the wrong way, but he can’t also help but notice the longing and desperation laced in her voice as she said the last part. John knows it wouldn’t be too hard for her to be dependent on him, he just didn’t expect it to be this easy. They’ve only met once in real life, but their constant texting and calling through the phone makes it up for it.

“Don’t let yourself worry too much on matters that don’t concern you.”

Silence, then John watches her bite her nail anxiously. “What do you mean by that, John?”

He doesn’t particularly like the way his name just rolls off her tongue like that – like she’s his age, the same way Helen used to call him. He doesn’t want to be reminded of Helen when he’s with his little bambi, it just makes him feel even shittier with the situation. It sorta reminds John how much he truly changed when he lost Helen.

“Don’t worry about your friend too much. I know it’s hard that he’s missing, but don’t put him first before your own well being,” John advises, manipulation just dripping off his tongue like it’s the easiest thing in the world. He doubts she would notice, though. “I’m sure the police got it covered by now. I’m more worried about you.”

John could still see her expression through the window despite being far away. She’s thinking about it, letting herself get swayed by his lies and persuasion. She’s too easy, she just doesn’t know it herself, but John does. And he’s going to take advantage of it as much as he can.

He counts again – one, two, three – and she’s dropping her hand to the bed and sighing softly. There she is.

“Okay. You’re probably right, I worry too much.”

John doesn’t reply but gives a silent hum that indicates he’s agreeing. He sees her taking off her glasses and putting it on the bedside table, suddenly the itch in his hands is back.

There’s a voice nagging at the back of his head and asking him just what the fuck is he doing, that he should stop this madness before it gets out of hand, but would that really make a difference? Even if John did stop, he’d still continue to live with the fact that he was a monster who stalked a young woman out of sheer obsession. He’d already got her dependent on him, he’d already laid out the plan on how this would turn out, why is he suddenly questioning now?

He had done stuff that was worse than manipulating. He didn’t feel a single drop of empathy when he was slaughtering people and shooting them in the head, but why does he feel guilty manipulating her?

“John? Did you already fall asleep on me?”

Soft voice snaps him out of his thoughts, then it’s followed by a soft giggle. John feels butterflies exploding in his stomach.

“Sorry. I was just–”

“It’s okay, John, you can sleep. You’ve probably had a long day since you’ve been on a flight and everything. I’m going to sleep now too, we have a date tomorrow, remember? Don’t forget.” The faux strictness in her voice makes him smile, then he sees her smiling just as big through the window; giddy and excited. “Goodnight, John. It’s really nice talking to you again. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, darling. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She hangs up first, smiling to herself before putting the phone back to her nightstand. She settles on the bed comfortably, tucking herself into her blanket, unaware of the fact that there’s a monster lurking on the other building, watching her every move like a hawk.

He catches a glimpse of himself in the old mirror on the dusty wall, dressed in black and predatory, reminiscent of the devil himself.

Might as well live up to the name.

John is aware of how dead he looks in people’s eyes. He barely smiles, he’s always dressed in black, and he always has trouble showing emotions through his face. He makes sure that he gives off that aura that shows how much he dislikes everyone in the fucking room. How much he just wants to pull out his gun and shoot every single one of them in the head.

John despises the way they look at him. Like they pity him for losing his wife, for getting dragged back to the life he had already left. Though, he can’t really blame them, really. He used to pity himself too, even now for letting himself get even worse, but he wouldn’t really call it pity. He doesn’t know what it is, but it’s not pity.

The next day is interesting, to say the least.

He couldn’t get a minute of sleep the night before, the image of her sleeping so peacefully without a worry in the world bored into his mind. It’s extremely fascinating to him just how careless and… dumb she is. Dumb in a way that it’s benifiting John – the both of them, actually – and not in an offensive kind of way.

It was around two in the morning when he returned back to the hotel, managed to sleep for an hour or two before ripping off the blankets and had a drink the first thing in the morning. John didn’t bother taking a nap after that, just walking around the room making sure all is well and everything will be according to plan.

At 8 AM, she texted John a good morning and said it would be better for their date to be at 4 PM. John then replied that it was perfect, though he doubts he can wait that long.

12 PM, for a man as calm and collected as John, he sure as hell can’t fucking sit still in one place.

He’s paranoid. No amount of texts from his bambi is enough to keep him calm. The time is ticking too slowly for his liking and he has no other things to do in his free time. Except be paranoid.

John grabs his coat, kisses his dog goodbye and decides to stop by a grocery store to prepare for their date. He should at least make them both a sandwich and buy drinks, knowing that the little gesture would be enough to put a smile on her face.

1 PM, John comes back with shit ton of paper bags in his arms. He’s doing too much, he knows it, but too much is still better than not enough.

John goes to the kitchen to prepare. The orphanage taught him how to cook – well, not really. John taught himself how to cook, because if he’s not going to cook for himself and half of the kids back in Ruska, they’d all be dead with no survival instincts to save them from starvation. Being an assassin who could withstand any form of torture all while not knowing how to cook would be the greatest joke of the century. John’s not the one to be laughed out.

2 PM, everything is settled and in place, his little bambi texts him to let him know that she’s getting ready and cannot wait for their date. John then takes his time to get ready too.

3 PM, John is dressed in a nice white t-shirt with a brown leather jacket on top. He looks civilised, no one would know a damn thing that he’s one of the most feared men in the underworld who slaughters people for a living.

His dog is quiet in the corner, chewing on her bone toy until John puts a collar and leash around her neck. Her eyes perks up in excitement, already knowing they would go outside to play. John always takes his time making sure she gets to socialize with other dogs, whether it’s in a park or just down the street.

“You’re excited, baby?” John murmurs, petting her ears softly as he kneels down to her position. “You’re gonna meet someone special. Want you to be nice to her, alright? She’s gonna be your mom.”

John hauls everything into his car in a matter of minutes. The picnic basket, the blanket, his gifts for his little one that he got from Russia, also including his dog. She’s behaved yet excited as she peeks in the mirror watching her owner work.

He slides into the driver’s seat and locks his seatbelt, starting up the car and driving away from the hotel. Earlier, John had seen a couple of his co-workers loading up his trunk dressed like he’s going on a date – because he is – no doubt they’re snitching and would tell Winston. He couldn’t care less.

He arrives outside her apartment after thirty minutes, parking his car right by the entrance. He can’t help but grimace as he looks around the place. He remembers meeting her here, the day after he killed that good-for-nothing junkie. He wonders if she ever got the news, how she reacted when someone got killed the same day John was visiting her area.

It won’t be long before she wouldn’t be living in this area no more. It’s too dangerous, filled with a bunch of goons who get themselves tangled up in petty gang wars. John knows a gangster when he sees one, and it looks like every single man who lives in these crowded apartments are either pushers or gangsters with no sense of direction in life.

She doesn’t belong here. She should be in John’s house, locked up and isolated where she’s safe under his supervision. He would treat her like a princess, give her the things she deserve.

John gets out of the car, pulls out his phone and sends her a message to let her know he’s outside her building. He leans against the car as he waits.

A minute passes and a very happy bambi appears in the elevator, dressed in a pretty sundress and a white tote bag with a text John can’t see. She’s beaming up at him as she exits the building, and John hasn’t got the time to react before she’s lunging herself forward and going on tiptoe to wrap her arms around his neck.

“Whoa easy,” John murmurs, immediately wrapping his arms around her waist for support, placing his face in the crook of her neck and inhaling her scent; it’s sweet, not a surprise. “You miss me that much?”

“So much, you don’t even wanna know,” she murmurs in his chest, not quite reaching his neck despite being on her tiptoes. “I hope you miss me just as much.”

John pulls away, gives her a look as he places her large hands on her hips. “I might’ve missed you more than you missed me.”

She giggles, John could see her eyes through the heart-shaped sunglasses she’s wearing. It’s cute. “That’s not possible, I will fight you for it.”

“Hm,” John hums, eyes wandering down her lips to her dress. It stops just above her knees, John has to mentally prepare himself for the worst. “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you,” she says sheepishly. “You like it? I think it’s the perfect picnic outfit.”

“I love it,” John clarifies. “Looks perfect on you.”

“You look gorgeous yourself,” she giggles, eyeing John up and down teasingly, catching her bottom lip between her teeth. He isn’t so sure how to react to that, hopefully his dick wouldn’t take the liberty to rise from the dead at this moment. “This is the first time I’ve seen you not wearing any suits. Domestic looks good on you.”

“What can I say, I’m a changed man.” John means both good and bad. “And before we go, I want to introduce you to someone.”

Before she gets a chance to ask, John slides out of the way from his position of covering the car window and reveals a very happy pitbull waiting to be introduced to her mother.

Her smile is wide when she spots John’s pet excitedly wagging her tail inside the car. “Oh my god, she is beautiful! John, open the door, hurry, hurry, hurry–”

“Okay, okay–”

The moment John pulls the door open, the dog comes rushing out to jump and starts licking her face.

“Oh, lookie here, baby! You’re such a cutie! What’s your name, hm? Don’t got a name yet? Your dad can’t think of a name to give ya’?”

Her giggles are like music to his ears.

The sound of paws pattering on the concrete and her high pitched voice talking to the dog fills the empty street in a matter of seconds. When she isn’t looking, John begins looking around the area, his eyes landing on the apartment building where he preys at some nights.

There’s a person at the front desk, staring at him like he knows something, and like a switch that goes off in his brain, John recognizes this man as the same one who bumped into him a few nights ago in the hallway in front of the abandoned room where he’s staying.

They meet eyes, John flashes him a knowing look, then the man immediately looks away.

John’s jaw ticks. He’s gonna have to deal with that later.

He turns his attention back to where it’s most needed. She’s still playing with the dog, crouching beside the car while the puppy just drowns in her affection. John really hates to break the moment.

“Shall we get going?” He interjects, voice deeper than usual, still feeling a little on the edge from that man by the front desk earlier.

“Sure. She gonna be in the backseat?”

“You bet.”

John opens the door for the both of them and lets her help the puppy get inside. Before he slams the door close, he makes sure to take another look at the apartment, seeing the man already staring back at him.

Yeah. He’s really gonna have to deal with that later.

They arrive at the park around 4:25 and John is the one to set up their spot while she and the puppy play in the empty field. It’s empty, totally empty, and John couldn’t be more thankful than that since he really doesn’t want to be around other people besides her. She’s the only one that matters.

John notices that she brought her own dog toys, probably the ones she keeps to herself since she does work in a vet clinic after all. The sight of her happily running around the grass with his dog is enough to bring him to his knees, he is only but a man.

John calls her to eat and the two of them come running towards him and plops down on the soft blanket next to the basket full of fruits.

“Had fun?” John speaks, sitting beside her on the ground as he watches her get a plate of pasta for the two of them. She insists she gets to plate their food, John lets her.

“Very. Didn’t know she’s quite energetic, luckily for her I can match her energy extremely well.”

“It comes with being young, I guess. Can’t really relate,” he jokes, receiving the plate full of pasta she gives him while she snickers at the statement.

“Come on, John. You’re still fit despite being old.” John watches her take a bite of the food. He’s not subtle, he’s straight up staring at her lips as she wraps her mouth around the fork, savoring the flavor with closed eyes. “Hm, this is delicious. Where did you learn to cook like this?”

“By myself,” he shrugs, taking a bite of his food to keep him from taking a bite of her instead. “I’m surprised you aren’t creeped out.”

“With what?”

“With my age,” John makes it clear. “You’re young with a bright future ahead of you–”

“Yet here I am having a date with an old man?” she interjects, wiggles her eyebrows, teasing clearly with the way she emphasizes the last part. “I can’t believe you thought I’m gonna get creeped out. You’re a grown man with a stable job and not to mention very hot, I find that very sexy.”

“You think I’m sexy?” he raises a brow.

“Yes, I think you’re very sexy. I haven’t once encountered a guy my age who has the same status as you,” she sets down the plate on her lap for a moment. “You know, experienced and mature.”

“I see,” John nods. It’s very clear that she’s always found the people who contrast her so well attractive. She wants a savior that would save her from everything, luckily John fits in the description quite too well.

They delve in a normal conversation after that. John makes sure to steer away all questions regarding him and his life, a way to learn more about her other than the pictures and videos and information he’d been sent by Alex.

John already knows a lot about her, it wouldn’t hurt to learn a little more.

Ten minutes go by, a bottle of wine has been pulled out of the basket and she’s spilling her whole life to John in a matter of moments. From lttle memories from childhood to how she moved from her hometown to New York to get away from her father. How when she was younger, she begged her toys to talk to her and she wouldn’t tell anyone. How their family pet back in the days impacted the choices she made to choose her career path – to become a veterinarian.

John listens. He’s always been good at listening instead of talking, so he listens.

5 PM, the two of them play with the dog and she decides to name her “Blue.”

“Is it because she has blue eyes?” John asks.

“Yeah. Not really original, I know, but it fits her.”

“Blue is perfect.”

It’s already 6 PM when they decide to head home. She’s still talking the moment they’re in the car and John is still listening. There’s something about her voice that just… pulls him in. It’s so sweet and soft.

When they arrive outside her apartment complex, it’s dead silent.

“I really enjoyed our date today, John,” she smiles when he opens the door for her, now standing in front of him and looking up to meet his eyes. “The pasta was delicious. I hope I get to eat more of them in the future – and oh, I really, really enjoyed playing with Blue! I’m so thankful that you let me name her even though it wasn’t really special–”

“Hush,” John jokingly interrupts. “The night might be over, but I can assure you that I will see you soon again.”

“How soon would that be again?”

“Eager to see me already?”

“Maybe.”

“You know I always make time for you, sweetheart,” John croons, placing a large hand on her chin and staring deeply into her eyes. “Is it too early for me to kiss you?”

She laughs, then wraps her arms around his waist to pull him in closer. John looks at her and falls in love for what to be a millionth time today. She never fails to take his breath away. “Not too early, I promise you. You should’ve done that sooner.”

“Well, I’m gonna do it now.”

Before she can add another word, John leans down to smash his lips against hers, his large hand finding its way on the small of her back to deepen the kiss that she can’t help but whimper into his mouth.

Fuck.

Her lips are so, so soft. John can still taste the lingering sweetness of the wine from earlier and being so close to her that her scent is shutting off his entire brain. If he won’t stop, he might just end up fucking her on the hood of his car until she can’t walk straight.

Their lips move in tandem and she’s following his head like she always does. Her small hands are gripping his leather jacket for support, so pliant and vulnerable, already trusting him enough to kiss him on their second date.

This is a sudden shift in his universe, John knows he’s already won.

He’s the first to pull away and their lips are wet and connected with saliva. She’s flushed and out of breath like expected, John wants nothing more but to break her and make her his.

Oh wait, she already is.

“How was that?” John asks, voice deep.

“I wanna do it again.”

He chuckles, rubbing his thumb on her cheeks while she’s busy avoiding his eyes. “Let’s save it for next time.”

He’s gonna control himself.

“That next time better come by fast,” she threatens jokingly. “I’m gonna miss you.”

“Don’t talk like you’re not gonna see me for days, baby,” John whispers. “You know I won’t let you go that easily. You’re mine now.”

He doesn’t miss the way her pupils dilated and the way the clutch she has on his leather jackets becomes tighter. She’s already fallen deep into his trap, John wants to push his claws in even deeper.

“Say it again,” she mutters, leaning in against his warm large hand as she closes her eyes. “Say it again. Please.”

John smiles when she isn’t looking. He really won.

“You’re mine.”

That same night, 4 AM, John is back in his work clothes and arranging something in a dark room.

The stench of metallic blood hitting his nose, and he stands in the middle of the room to inhale that scent – god, does he truly miss it.

The sight of a man in front of him wakes something dangerous within John’s veins. Hands tied up behind the chair, head dropped forward, lifeless and cold. His lower stomach is open, guts hanging off the floor as the other half is used to gag him in the mouth. His eyes are missing, John took the liberty to take them out for staring at him too much, and he couldn’t be any more relieved when he did.

“What do you know?” John had asked as soon as the man woke up from his head concussion.

“Y-You!” The man had yelled, John didn’t bother finding out his name. “You fucking creep –”

John’s hands twitched beside him. He remained silent.

The man went on a rant about how he’d seen John around lurking outside the apartment complex and using the abandoned room on the fifth floor and that’s all John needed to know.

He didn’t need another pair of eyes to tell him what’s right and wrong. Winston is already enough.

The next morning, John receives a text from none other than his bambi. A picture of numerous police cars outside her apartment and an ambulance, and another picture of a dead body covered in white blanket getting pulled out of the building.

Bambi : there was an accident that happened near me, john :((

Bambi : the police said somebody was killed and i’m scared

Bambi : they said he was gutted alive

John is smiling to himself when he types his response.

John : What kind of a sick person would do something like that?

He is not a sick person. He’s just in love.

Taglist: aerangi starrgir1 heluvsvalefr danika1994 fraisejoon doggodorime ohmytate

#john wick #john wick x reader #john wick x you #john wick imagine #john wick fanfic #john wick fanfiction #john wick chapter 4 #john wick 4 #keanu reeves #jw #my works #keanu reeves x reader #keanu reeves x you #keanu reeves imagine #john wick smut #jw4 #jw3 #jw2 #damn there are a lot of tags

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imaginespazzi · 2 months

Text

Part 1: Don't Be A Stranger

Masterlist - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5

But if (my) world was ending, you'd come over right?

(In which UCLA anon's roman empire became this writer's roman empire and we've finally reached the beginning)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Angst, Pining, Hurt/Comfort and a little bit of Fluff

Words: 8.4 K (other parts will be shorter....maybe)

TW: Swearing, Alcohol, Injuries, Alludes to Sexual Content

A/N: Hello my lovelies <3 Gonna keep this as short and sweet as possible but we've finally, finally gotten to the UCLA fic. A huge shout out to UCLA anon, because this is their master idea. Couple of things, I've never been to LA or UCLA and therefore some things are out of whack. The timeline is also a little out of whack but I swear I will try to keep it as consistent as possible. In the mean time, just ignore some of the inconsistencies pretty please. As always, feel free to let me know what's bad, what's good and what else you'd like to see. I hope y'all enjoy this first part and let's get another W today!

August 2021

where are you

i literally have to be at the airport in an hour paige where are you

dude

are you on your way?

you better be driving and that’s why you’re not answering

PAIGE

i’m sorry about last night i shouldn’t have said that

but you said a lot of shit too so call it even?

this isn’t funny where are you?

i have to leave in 15 mins

are you actually not coming?

wtf????

this is actually bullshit

get over yourself bueckers

wow

fuck you

just landed

thought you might like to know

sorry my plane didn’t crash i guess

September 2021

dude enough okay

can you just call me back??

i just wanna talk

i know you're mad i get it but i miss you

November 2021

hi i’mma be in dc over christmas

nvm

idk why i’m trying again

maybe i should block you

this is kinda pathetic of me what the fuck

December 2021

i thought i saw you today but idk

couldn’t have been you cause if it was

would you really not even say hi?

i’m done trying paige

merry christmas i guess

March 2022

i misz you

lyke a wot

love uuuuu pppppp

even if ur a bwtich

pkese pick up

ignore that

people drunk text exes apparently i drunk text you

wait

i don’t need to tell you that

you already ignore it all anyways

August 2022

i heard about the acl

i’m sorry

idk if it means anything, but if you wanna talk

nvm

***

September 2022

When the doorbell rings, on a quiet Thursday afternoon during a rare moment of alone time, Paige expects it to be a lot of people. One of her parents deciding that they actually weren’t going to leave her alone. Someone else in her family showing up out of the blue to provide comfort. Maybe one of her teammates popping up to keep her entertained. She even thinks it might be some random fan who got too invested and figured out the address for her air BnB. It’s the saddest testament to how broken they are, that the idea of it being Azzi Fudd standing outside her door, never once crosses her mind. But there she is, when Paige opens the door, dressed in ripped jean shorts and a light blue tank top, the girl that had been her best friend, and maybe a little bit more.

Silence stretches between them as Azzi fidgets with her hands and Paige continues to stoically stare at her. It’s been almost a year since they’ve seen each other, even longer since they’d last shared a happy smile. And you’d have to go back to before she’d told her about her future plans, to find the last time Azzi had properly looked Paige in the eyes.

“Hi,” Azzi says finally, mustering up a small smile. Paige doesn’t know if hearing that voice, soft and subdued but still so familiar, fixes a crack or breaks her heart even further. She wills herself to be polite in response, to match Azzi’s polite greeting with a greeting of her own. But there’s clear discord between her mouth and her head, because her words are harsh and hollowed.

“What are you doing here?”

Azzi swallows, smile disappearing as she immediately digs her fingernails into her palms and Paige feels the guilt settle into her stomach. It’s like the night before all over again. If she closes her eyes, Paige can still hear her voice loudly echoing in Azzi’s childhood bedroom. She can hear the angry words that she’d hurled at her best friend, each one like a well-aimed arrow piercing the other’s girl's heart and tearing into Paige’s own soul. Some would call what she’d done self-preservation. She’d call it her biggest mistake.

“I um-,” Azzi sucks in her bottom lip, “I was in the area and thought, maybe I’d check in.”

“How did you even know where I was?” Paige hates how cold and accusatory her voice sounds. It’s a version of herself she doesn’t quite know how to deal with, one that hasn’t ever appeared for anyone other than the girl in front of her, “I know I didn’t tell you.”

Any semblance of calm is gone from Azzi’s face, as she seems to realise that she’s not going to be getting any cordiality from her old friend.

“And we’re off to a great start,” she mutters under her breath before replying to Paige’s exact question, “no you didn’t. Your dad-”

“You talked to my dad?”

“Yeah. I mean you know Drew looks up to Jon and José so much and they still talk and stuff and he came over- Drew I mean- and then your dad was there and we just got to talking and you came up and yeah. He told me and well I live here, kinda, so I thought- well I thought maybe you’d like some company?”

As Azzi’s rambling explanation comes to an end, Paige doesn’t miss the tinge of hopefulness in her voice at the last bit. The younger girl shuffles her feet, as she stares at the blonde expectantly.

“I don’t-” Paige struggles to draw in a breath as the voices in her head argue, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Her words are met with silence as Azzi stares at her blankly.

“I- you,” she blinks rapidly, clearly at a loss for what to say at the blatant rejection, “I can’t come in?”

“It’s just- I’ve had a lot of people visit you know,” Paige bullshits, suddenly feeling very exhausted, “and my family were here a couple days and my friends are coming soon and-”

“And I’m neither of those things,” Azzi says, her tone low and breathy.

“That’s not what-”

“It is,” Azzi closes her eyes for a brief second, when she opens them, the flash of hurt in them feels like a dagger through Paige’s chest, “it is like that and it is what you meant and it’s- it’s fine.”

“Az-” Paige chokes out, feeling her lungs collapse when the other girl moves to leave, “please,” and she’s not even sure she’s asking for, but it’s not this. It’s never been this.

Azzi stops and when she turns back around, there’s a determined look on her face.

“I just-” she rubs her face, composing herself before focusing her eyes on Paige, “you’re the strongest person I know. And you’re going to come back from this, better than ever. I know it. The whole world knows it. Because you’re Paige Bueckers. You’re something else. You’re the hardest worker, you’re just- you’re the best.”

“You don’t-”

“Just- just let me finish okay and then, then I’ll go or whatever but Paige, you’re all of those things you know? Strong, brave, the best fucking player- but, it’s also okay if sometimes-, if sometimes you aren’t. It’s okay because this- this is hard, I know it is. So if sometimes you’re not strong or-, or brave- or not feeling like working hard- it’s okay. And if there are moments where you- where you want to give up, that’s okay too. It doesn’t make you- it doesn’t make you any less than what you are. It just makes you human, and it’s okay you know- to be human. It’s okay if- if you hurt and it’s okay if you’re not okay. It’s- it’s okay.”

The two girls stare at each other, eyes shining with tears, as Paige let’s Azzi’s words wash over her. She’s been told a lot of platitudes about her injury, from her coaches to her teammates to her family. And she knows she has plenty of people in her corner, who root for her and who genuinely do believe she’ll have the greatest comeback ever. But the motivational speeches get draining after a while and all she’s wanted to do for the last couple of weeks is wallow. Then she felt guilty about wallowing, that little voice in her head yelling at her to be productive and work on getting back to herself because that’s what everybody expected. Paige hadn’t even realised how badly she needed someone to give her permission to not be okay, not until the only person who’d ever known that part of her, had finally said the words she so desperately needed to hear.

The thing is, when she was younger, Paige used to keep everything bottled inside. She’d always been hyper aware of her privilege and her problems had always just seemed so insignificant in front of her parents’ or her friends. So she’d kept them to herself, trapping herself in a web of her own burdens that sometimes threatened to strangle her. And then she’d met a girl at a USA basketball camp when she was 15, a girl who had gently flicked her fingers and Paige’s walls had fallen like dominoes. She hadn’t even known she was drowning, until Azzi had shown up with a lifeboat.

“I just-,” Azzi breaks Paige out of her trance by breaking the eye contact between them, “I didn’t know if anybody had said that to you yet and I just- I wanted you to hear it.”

In the span of a minute, a thousand and one phrases take birth in Paige’s mind and then die on the tip of her tongue. She opens and closes her mouth, trying to express even one of the myriad of emotions that are swirling like a tornado in her brain. But nothing comes out except a litany of incomprehensible noises. And Azzi seems to find the wrong answer in the silence, giving the blonde a timid nod.

“Take care of yourself P,” her voice catches on the familiar nickname, as she shoots Paige a sad smile, before beginning to walk away. When Azzi chose UCLA, she’d lit Paige's heart on fire. So, Paige had drowned their friendship. And while all this time Azzi has struggled to breathe, Paige has burned but god, is she so fucking tired of it.

“Fuck, Azzi wait,” Paige curses, hobbling to catch up to the brunette, who stops with a sigh but doesn’t make a move to return. Stubborn as always, Paige thinks, continuing her way over. When she does catch up, she’s not fully sure what to say and so, “I uh- I’m out of milk.”

Azzi raises her eyebrows in question, crossing her arms protectively around her chest.

“I can’t drive,” Paige explains slowly, “or walk obviously.”

Realisation dawns on Azzi’s face, “you’re asking me to drive you to the grocery store?”

“I guess,” Paige shrugs, trying to be nonchalant.

“Seems like the kind of favour someone asks of their family, or their friends,” Azzi emphasises bitterly, never one to let go of an opportunity for sarcasm.

Paige flinches, “right, I kinda deserved that one.”

She gets a raised eyebrow in response that very much says “ya think?”

“I’m trying here,” she says quietly, and Azzi’s hard demeanour softens, “I’m raising a white flag Az, calling a truce or whatever but it kinda needs to go both ways.”

“What do you think me coming here was supposed to be?” the younger girl says exasperatedly, but she’s smiling again. It’s the third one Paige has gotten out of her today, and finally, she smiles back. They look a little foolish, standing in the apartment hallway, cheshire-cat-grinning at each other like idiots, but it feels like something has clicked into place again.

“I’ll go grab my wallet, you go heat up the car.”

“It’s like 110 degrees dude.”

“Bro shut up, you know what I mean,” Paige huffs and when it makes Azzi laugh, she feels like she’s floating. It’s not as if she hasn’t been happy in a year because won’t you look at that, her world did keep turning after that one decision. But this is different. She feels airy and light, like she could jump off a cliff and fly instead of fall.

“Well hurry up, I have things to do outside of just being your chauffeur.”

“Poor passenger princess, how the roles have reversed,” Paige mocks and it earns her an ever so familiar fond eye roll and for the first time in a year, she feels free.

***

When she gets downstairs, Azzi’s leaning against her car door, a pair of sunglasses shielding her eyes. The hot California sun shines brightly against her tan skin, and Paige’s heart stutters because fuck, Azzi is golden. She looks every bit reminiscent of the girl Paige still has memorised and yet, every bit the promise of a girl Paige wants to learn by heart.

“Nice car,” Paige smirks, alerting the younger girl of her presence.

“It does the job,” Azzi says, looking up with a smile of her own, opening the passenger door for Paige to get in, “not all of us are raking in NIL deals to get the big guns, but we make do.”

“Steph Curry brand ambassador say what now?” the blonde girl teases as she slides into the car. When she looks up, Azzi’s frozen in place, “what?”

“Nothing I just-” she’s wearing sunglasses, but Paige knows Azzi's trying to avert her gaze, “I’m kinda surprised you know that.”

It’s Paige’s turn to look away, their newfound comfort giving away to that old awkwardness, “I keep up with most basketball news.”

To Azzi’s credit she doesn’t push. Instead, she makes her way into the driver seat without another sound. She’s about to connect her phone to the aux but Paige beats her to it.

“Hey,” Azzi squeals, making grabby hands, “my car, my rules, my music.”

“Nuh-uh injury privileges,” Paige gloats, sticking out her tongue.

“That’s not a thing.”

“Is too.”

“Fine, we’ll listen to your crap music.”

“I resent that,” Paige retorts, as Drake blasts through the speakers. The sound of it makes Azzi groan, and she dramatically bangs her head against the steering wheel. Paige spends the rest of the car ride singing at the top of her lungs. Azzi spends the rest of the car ride alternating between shaking her head and joining in with the singing. It’s like they’re back in 2020 all over again, back before they found themselves in the whirlwind of life, back when they were just Paige and Azzi.

***

Their trip inside the grocery store takes less time than the ride to get there, even if Paige takes her time dilly-dallying in the dairy section, pretending she’s going to get anything other than just regular milk. She’s overly conscious of the fact that their time together might be coming to an end, that this time she might actually have to deal with saying goodbye. But she’s not ready to go back to missing Azzi just yet.

“Maybe you can show me your dorm,” she says quietly, once they're both back in the car, playing with the hem of her shirt. Beside her, Azzi draws in a sharp intake of breath, clearly not having expected Paige to want that of all things. In all honesty, the idea of stepping into the world that had stolen Azzi from her is not all that appealing to Paige but she wants to hold onto this moment just a little bit longer.

“You wanna see my dorm?”

“A chance to see how the non-blue blood peasants live? I’d never pass it up.”

“Non blue blood,” Azzi scoffs, "Ever heard of John Wooden?”

“I was talking about women’s basketball but yeah I have heard of him. I won the award last year. Over you,” Paige smirks, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Not everyone’s a phenom their freshman year,” Azzi retorts fondly, unable to mask the hint of pride in her voice.

“Well we’ll see this year-” Paige stops herself, cold seeping into her lungs, as she remembers why she’s in the stupid state of California in the first place. The lighthearted mood in the car goes tumbling out the window as her words hang like a dagger in the air.

“Paige,” Azzi whispers, trying to wrap that one syllable in comfort. She reaches out to touch the blonde’s shoulder but must think better of it because her hand hovers mid-air for a second, before she pulls it back. Paige is suddenly hyper aware of the fact they haven’t touched yet. It’s a reminder of the fact that whatever progress they’ve made today, there’s still so much they haven’t even begun to unpack.

“It’s fine,” Paige’s voice is steely, “just drive.”

Azzi opens and closes her mouth a couple of times, before simply nodding and starting the ignition. She’s clearly holding back and Paige doesn’t know how to feel about it. There’s a part of her that wants Azzi to push her to talk like she would before, but there's another part of her that knows this new rope they’re trying to string between them is fragile.

They ride in silence to Azzi’s apartment, both of them too caught up in their own thoughts to bother with music this time. As the UCLA campus nears, Paige can’t help but hate it just a little bit. She’s aware she’s being petty. Acting like Storrs, Connecticut is some hub of beauty is probably a stretch of the imagination for anyone but she’s determined to dislike this place out of principle.

“Hmm not too shabby but like where’s the fucking cows?” Paige jokes, as the car comes to a stop in front of Azzi’s apartment building. She steps out gingerly, pretending to inspect her surroundings, making tsk-tsk noises at the most random things.

“I’ve seen your apartment Bueckers, don’t even try,” Azzi retorts.

It shouldn’t surprise Paige to see one of Azzi’s teammates when they enter her living room. It’s just like UConn really in the sense that there’s always someone there when you walk in but something about seeing Charisma Osborne just chilling in Azzi’s space suddenly makes it more real that the younger girl is definitely a UCLA Bruin.

“Oh,” Charisma gives Paige a once-over, clearly not having expected to see her, “hi Paige.”

Paige waves, shuffling her weight on her crutches, unsure what to say. It’s not like she doesn’t know Charisma, they’ve literally won a gold medal together for USA basketball. She’s even met the girl a couple of times after and she likes her, she does. But her bitter brain is focused on the fact that this is one of those girls who had gotten Azzi as their teammate, one of the girls who got to see Azzi everyday. All things Paige had not gotten.

“You didn’t tell me you were bringing company Az,” Charisma says pointedly, looking at Azzi and Paige bristles at the use of the nickname. She’s being all sorts of ridiculous but at least she’s self-aware of it.

“Last minute decisions,” Azzi replies airily. The two girls lock eyes and Paige can tell they’re having some sort of unspoken conversation and now the green-eyed envy monster is out in full force.

“I insisted on seeing her dorm,” she says finally, breaking into whatever staring competition the two UCLA guards are having.

“It’s not a problem,” Charisma reassures, standing up from her position on the couch, and coming over to give Paige a tentative hug, “I just didn’t know you were coming. But it’s good to see you, Paige.”

“Yeah,” Paige tries to muster up a proper smile as she leans in to return the hug but it comes out more like a grimace, “you too.”

“We’re gonna go chill in my room,” Azzi says, beckoning to one of the doors in the hallways and Paige obediently follows her, waving a half-hearted goodbye to Charisma. She’s secretly pleased to have Azzi back to herself.

The room is nothing out of the ordinary except it has Azzi all over it. She’s in the pink comforter that is thrown haphazardly over a clearly not made bed. She’s in the unicorn plushies laid delicately over a dark blue couch. She’s in the little flower stickers that outline the mirror on the far side of the room. There’s a wall dedicated solely to pictures and fairy lights on one side and Paige is immediately drawn to it. A familiar ache reverberates in her chest as her eyes flicker over the pictures of Azzi’s family. She’s missed them. Then there’s the photographs of Azzi in her UCLA uniform, her teammates surrounding her and Paige has to resist the dangerous urge to rip those off the wall. Be happy for her happiness, the logical part of her brain yells, not seeming to realise she’d left any chance of that in the dirt a year ago. As she tears her eyes away from those offending pictures, they land instead on a whole other set of photographs and she feels her heart catch in her throat.

It’s a set of three images of her and Azzi, taken at various moments. Paige brushes her thumb against the one of the two of them with their arms around each other at the Minnesota state fair. Azzi’s beaming at the camera and Paige is beaming at Azzi. They look so young, so naive, so happy.

“I’m on your wall,” Paige breathes out, turning to face her best friend, “Fuck, I’m on you wall.”

“Of course you are,” Azzi affirms, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world but she shuffles nervously, giving away the reality behind her stable demeanour.

“I never answered your texts. I didn’t call you back,” Paige lists quietly as the first tear falls from her eyes; she’s been holding them back all day, “and I’m on your fucking wall.”

Azzi looks away, unsure how to deal with the fact that apparently they’re no longer tip-toeing around the past. She doesn’t know how to tell the blonde that there had never really been a second thought about whether or not those photos were going up on the wall.

“Doesn’t matter,” she shrugs finally, “you’re my best friend. You’re always gonna be my best friend. Ride or die right?”

“Ride or die,” Paige repeats in a whisper before she all but throws herself at Azzi, practically moulding herself into the younger girl’s body. Caught off guard, Azzi stiffens for a second, before relaxing into it. It’s late outside and the sun has set, but in this moment, the world shines the brightest it has in a year as two stubborn girls finally find their way home to each other.

***

That night, Azzi asks her tentatively if she wants to stay over and of course Paige agrees. Lying awake next to a familiar stranger, she lets herself finally remember the day things had first started unravelling.

November 2020

“You’ll probably get one of the upstairs apartments, so we probably won’t actually be living together which is good because can you imagine if I had to see your goofy ass 24/7?” Paige puts a dramatic hand to her forehead, as she leads Azzi into her room.

She’s too caught up in her excitement having Azzi at UConn, and planning what’ll happen next year, to notice that the girl in question isn’t participating at all in her enthusiasm. Paige has been waiting for what feels like a year (in reality it’s only been a few months) to finally have her best friend come visit. The minute the car had pulled up, she’d taken it upon herself to start her sales pitch all over again, missing the sympathetic smiles she’d gotten from the rest of the Fudd family as she pulled Azzi away to show her the glories of the campus.

“Did you see my assist to Christyn today?” Paige gloats, falling onto her bed with a smirk.

“It was pretty great,” Azzi concedes.

“It was fucking perfect thank you very much. I set her up perfectly, exactly how she likes it.”

“Right.”

“And then did you see how excited the team was for her? For everyone? Never gonna find a greater group of girls.”

“They seem wonderful P.”

Paige furrows her eyebrows as she catches Azzi still lingering by the door instead of joining her on the bed. The brunette fidgets with the sleeve of her sweater, chewing on her lips.

“Are you allergic to my bed?” Paige waits for some smartass response. When she doesn’t get one, she frowns, instincts going haywire, “Az, you good?”

“I- '' Azzi looks away, swallowing nervously, “I need to tell you something and I- I’m not sure how you’re gonna react.”

“You get a boyfriend or a girlfriend or something in the last few months that I don’t know about?” She says it light-heartedly enough, but the thought of it sends a sharp sting through Paige’s heart. In hindsight, she thinks maybe she could have dealt with it having been that.

“What? No. Just- just don’t- dont take it personally okay. Like you can be upset about it but- but don’t hold it against me yeah? My parents- they said- they said you’d get it. You’d be upset but you’d- you’d get it because you- you get me right?”

Paige’s chest hammers as she watches the younger girl draw in a deep breath, “you’re scaring the shit out of me right now.”

“I’mcommittingtoUCLA” Azzi says all in one breath, the words blending together.

She’s sure she’s heard it wrong. There’s no way. After all this time, after all their conversations, all the pitches, how hard she had worked, there was no way this was going to be the end to all of Paige’s efforts.

“What?” she whispers, crossing her fingers that she has in fact misheard.

When Azzi averts her eyes, she knows she hasn’t, “I’m committing to UCLA.”

The first time Paige and Azzi met was somewhat awkward, what with Azzi’s shyness and Paige being slightly overeager to make a new friend. When they’d become bus buddies, they’d progressed to being casual acquaintances who could small talk and share smiles. And then the flight back to Minnesota happened and everything had changed. Every moment after was filled with conversation or laughs or a comfortable silence. Until this one, where the sudden silence between them foreshadows an ominous future.

“Say something,” Azzi says finally, her voice shaking.

Paige stares at her for a second before, “you named your dog Stewie.”

“What?”

“You named your dog Stewie. After Breanna Stewart who played at UConn. It’s not-” Paige wracks her brain, hands flying animatedly “it’s not Meyers or something, after someone who played at fucking UCLA. You named your dog after a UConn great. How are you going to take him to UCLA with you?”

Azzi stares at her, clearly not having expected that level of questioning of all things. Who could blame her when Paige herself feels a little insane.

“This is a joke right? You’re fucking with me? Ha ha ha very funny,” she claps deliriously, “hilarious prank seriously, like hats off you’ve outdone yourself but enough okay? Say sike right fucking now.”

Azzi makes a strangled noise, “it’s not a joke Paige. That’s- that’s my decision.”

“Then change it,” Paige yells, catapulting off the bed.

“Paige-”

“Have you told UCLA yet?”

“I wanted to tell my family and you first.”

“Oh wow, how kind of you. How fucking generous of you to do that Azzi,” Paige bites back sarcastically and Azzi flinches.

In a flash, Paige’s expression goes from angry to desperate, “you still have time to change your mind . Please just- just think about it again okay? You still have so much time and you know what, stay here for a couple more days. Spend time with the team, with the coaches, with me and you’ll see-. UCLA just sounds nice you know? California, the sun, I get it, of course it’s tempting. But just- just stay here okay? And you’ll see this is where you belong,” she leaves the, with me, unsaid.

“Paige,” Azzi’s voice cracks. She takes a step toward her and then pauses. It’s the first time in a long time that Azzi’s hesitated when it comes to Paige. It won’t be the last. And when she looks at Paige through her long eyelashes, tears threatening to fall from her dark brown eyes, Paige knows she’s lost.

“No,” she’s pacing now, chest heaving up and down in a combination of frustration, anger and misery, “this is not fucking happening. We’re not doing this. I made you a whole recruitment video. Did you watch it? Do you know how long it took me to make it? Has the last year been a fucking joke to you?”

“Of course not-”

“Don’t even. Because clearly- clearly it has. Must’ve been hilarious watching me beg and plead with you when you already fucking knew you were going to committ somewhere else.”

“That’s not fair,” Azzi’s voice rises at the accusation, “I had no idea where I was going until a couple of weeks ago. You can’t seriously think that low of me.”

“Not fair? You know what’s not fair, Azzi? We’ve been talking about playing together, about finally being on the same team, the same fucking state, for years. What’s not fair is you throwing all of that away on a whim.”

“I’m not committing to UCLA on a whim. This is my whole future we’re talking about. You don’t even know how much thought I’ve put into it. And I’m choosing what’s best for me. You can’t hold that against me Paige. You can’t.”

They stand on opposite sides of the room, taking in harsh staggered breaths and glaring at each other. The tension in the room is electric as the string connecting them frays. Paige and Azzi bicker, they don’t argue. Or at least, that’s how it used to be.

“Az?” their stare down is broken by a knock on the door as Katie Fudd lets herself in. Immediately, as she stares between her daughter and the girl who’d become just as important, Katie knows what has happened, “we’re going back to the air BnB, are you staying here?”

The answer should be obvious, like it used to be. Of course she would stay here. It was meant to be a no-brainer. But before Azzi can say that, Paige intervenes and the string snaps.

“She’s going with you,” the blonde says firmly, before turning her back. She won’t let Azzi see the tears, she won’t. For her part, the brunette stares at Paige’s back silently for a couple of seconds, before a mask of determination slips on.

“Fine. If that’s what you fucking want,” Azzi sneers before brushing past her mom, eager to get away and hide her own tears.

When Paige turns back around, Katie is already looking at her. The older woman walks the length of the room and pulls the younger girl into a hug that she readily melts into. Paige sniffles as Azzi’s mom soothingly rubs her back.

“We’re driving back tomorrow morning,” Katie whispers quietly into Paige’s hair, “I know you’re mad sweetheart but come say goodbye okay?”

And she does. She shows up with only half an hour or so remaining before Azzi leaves, but Paige shows up. They hug stiffly, exchanging maybe a sentence or two but in that moment it’s enough. They’ll call later when Azzi gets home and it’ll be awkward for a little bit but they’ll break through. They’ll figure out a way to go on without having to talk about the “big thing”. They’ll hold on as long as they can, until they can’t anymore.

***

September 2022

After the night Paige stays over at Azzi’s apartment, they're attached at the hip for the next few weeks, just like old times. They’ve fallen into a routine of sorts. Azzi shows up without fail every day after practice to pick Paige up from her rehab, and then the rest of the younger girl’s time is Paige’s. The first time she’d seen the brunette leaning casually against her car, Paige had had to stop herself from jumping into her arms. She’d played it as nonchalant as possible, joking about Azzi being stalker, but inside, she could feel it again, the dangerously familiar tap of this is all I’ll ever need.

On days Paige doesn’t have rehab, Azzi still shows up right on time on her doorstep with a board game or food or something. It’s gotten to the point where every time the doorbell rings, Paige opens it expecting Azzi. The couple times it’s not, she tries and fails to hide the disappointment on her face. It earns her an eye roll from the delivery guy but it’s worth it for the laugh it elicits from Azzi when she tells her the story. They fall back together as if they’d never fallen apart. And what’s more terrifying than finding out that she’d never truly gotten over old Azzi, is realising how easy it would be to fall in love with new Azzi.

When Caroline, Nika and Piath come to visit the weekend after, all three of them can immediately tell that something's changed. Their teammate seems lighter, as if she’s finally found a sense of calm. But their incessant prodding and raised eyebrows are only met with shrugs from a tight-lipped Paige. It isn’t until Azzi calls, and Nika snatches the phone out of Paige’s hands, gasping at the callerID, that they finally figure out why their point guard has a new kick in her step.

“You should invite her out with us tonight,” Caroline is the first to speak, giving Paige an encouraging smile.

“Carol,” Nika hisses, “we can’t just invite the enemy.”

“She’s not the enemy,” Paige defends immediately, “we don’t even have a rivalry with UCLA.”

Nika scoffs indignantly, “of course she is. She picked a different school over us. Over UConn! That’s weird. Who even does that?”

“Lots of people do,” Caroline, who occasionally texts Azzi (albeit she’s kept that somewhat of a secret), supplies helpfully, shrugging when the Croatian glares at her.

Piath nudges Paige when she notices the other girl has gone quiet, “ignore Nika. She doesn’t mean it, you know that. If you wanna invite her, invite her.”

And she does, she wants to so badly. It’s insane really because it hasn’t even been a full day since they’d last seen each other but Paige swears something inside her has been missing since. There’s something awfully terrifying about letting Azzi back into the UConn version of her world, the world that the younger girl had once rejected. Still, if they’re going to try this again, she supposes sooner or later, it’ll have to happen.

“Put her on speaker,” Nika orders when Paige grabs her phone back from her.

“Nika,” Caroline, younger only by age, warns, pulling the other girl away, “we’re supposed to be cheering her up, not making life harder.”

Azzi answers on the third ring, her voice teasing “miss me already?”

Yes, Paige thinks, sometimes I think I miss you even when you’re right here next to me, sometimes I think I’ll miss you forever. But she doesn’t say any of that.

“Not a chance,” she scoffs instead, “besides you called me first.”

“Butt dial.”

“Mmmhmm I’m sure.”

“Shut up,” Azzi laughs and Paige is glad her teammates aren’t here to see the goofy grin that appears on her face at the sound of it, “I just wanted to see if we were doing something tonight?”

“Yeah- umm- you remember I told you about the girls coming down this weekend. They- uh- they wanted to go out tonight and uh- you could come along?”

There’s a pause on the other end and Paige knows Azzi’s going through the same thought process as her.

“I don’t wanna intrude on your time with your team P-”

“You wouldn’t be intruding,” Paige cuts in immediately and although she figured her teammates were definitely eavesdropping, Nika cursing about her being “pussywhipped” followed by in-sync shushing from Piath and Caroline, gives them away.

On the other end of the line, Azzi’s quiet again, “it’s okay P, you go have fun with your friends. We don’t have to spend every night together. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

What she doesn’t say is that maybe they need to learn how to live like that again, how to live apart again. Paige is almost done with the LA part of her rehab, something both of them are still in denial about. It’s only a matter of time before they return back to their two separate worlds and neither of them are sure they’ve managed to repair their friendship enough to not slip back into their foolishness again.

“But I wanna see you tonight,” Paige whines, her tone teetering on the edge of sounding like a desperate girlfriend, “please.”

“Paige-”

“Pleaseeeeeee. I’m literally injured and begging Az, it’d be mean to say no.”

“What does your injury even have to do with any of this?” Azzi sighs exasperatedly, “but yeah okay fine calm down Bueckers. Send me an address, I’ll be there.”

“You don’t wanna come pregame here?”

“Dude, let's not push it, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah okay see you,” Paige pauses, “hey Az?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m really happy you’re coming tonight.”

“I’m really happy you’re happy P.”

***

Azzi Fudd is a menace. See, people often get fooled by her soft-spoken nature and shy demeanour, but Paige has been around her long enough to know the truth. In the beginning it was the witty quips the younger girl always had ready whenever they were having some ridiculous argument. After that, it was the direct pranks that wreaked havoc on Paige’s life. But tonight, in Paige’s opinion, tonight is Azzi’s worst offence. She had to have done it on purpose, had to have known the sheer effect it would have on Paige to see her dressed like that. The red criss-cross tank top fits her like a mould and the way her ripped jeans shorts cling to her hips leaves little to the imagination. Her diamond belly button piercing shines against her skin, taunting Paige. She wants to touch, she wants to feel, she wants to do all the unspeakable things in her mind but she’s forced to just watch.

What she hates most though, is that everybody else is watching too. Since Azzi’s walked into the club, Paige has had to fight the urge to strangle every stranger who had given her best friend an appraising once-over. Some of them let their eyes linger long enough to give her time to plot out the perfect murder strategy (it’s the only way she can stop herself from actually committing a crime tonight). And, as Azzi dances with Caroline, hips swaying to the beat and holding the other girl a little closely, Paige has the irrational urge to hit sweet, kind Caroline of all people.

The thing is, Azzi’s been a little too attached to Caroline since she got here in Paige’s opinion. And she gets it. Piath, bless her soul, is trying but has always been a little awkward around new people. Nika is definitely not trying, loyally holding onto a grudge on behalf of Paige. Which leaves Caroline, who’s already familiar territory and the younger girl has grasped onto her like a lifeline. But enough is enough Paige decides, as she slips out of her seat with a determined look. Smoothly, she cuts right in between Caroline and Azzi.

“Nika’s a little wasted and I don’t want to deal with,” it’s a blatant lie but Paige knows appealing to Caroline’s more motherly instincts will get her what she wants. She gets a raised eyebrow in return, her teammate clearly catching her ruse because Nika looks visibly fine. But it works anyway and Paige gets Azzi to herself. She reaches for the other girl’s hand, twirling her just so she can hear that stupid silly laugh, and then pulling her back so she’s facing Paige.

“You having fun?”

“Always have fun with you P,” Azzi replies. She’s clearly tipsy but there’s no hint of insincerity in her voice. It makes Paige’s breath hitch.

“Yeah?” she whispers, taking a step closer, “more than with Carol?”

Azzi giggles, “more than anyone.”

The song in the club changes and as the crowd adjusts to it, someone jostles Azzi and immediately Paige grabs at her hips to steady her. As she finds her balance, Azzi’s giggles subside, realising just how close she is to the blonde now. They’re stuck in slow motion as the world dances around them. The combination of adrenaline and alcohol pumping through her veins is what convinces Paige to test the limits. One hand still squeezing at Azzi’s bare waist, revelling in finally getting to touch, she brings up her thumb to trace around Azzi’s lips. The younger girl gulps, but when she doesn’t try to move away, confidence pulses through Paige. Her heart is beating frantically out of her chest, years and years of want and need that she’d shoved as far away as possible, desperately fighting to get to the surface.

Pushing herself closer, so their chests are now pressed to each other and Azzi’s hands have no choice but to latch onto her biceps, Paige places a delicate, teasing kiss to the corner of Azzi’s lips. She wishes she could record the whine it elicits and listen to it on loop for hours. Smirking, she moves to place another one on the other side, this time pressing her lips a little harder, a little longer. Azzi’s eyes are closed shut, hands gripping onto Paige so tightly, she knows there’ll be a mark on her biceps tomorrow. She cups Azzi’s face with both hands now, her own eyes shutting involuntarily, as she finally, finally brushes their lips together.

This time, the strangled noise that leaves Azzi’s throat, is one Paige wishes she could forget as the younger girl rips herself away from Paige, the force of it creating almost a foot of distance between them. It doesn’t take long for the familiar sting of rejection to make itself home in her heart. Azzi’s eyes are brimming with tears as she manically shakes her head. Without a word, she rushes through the crowd, making a beeline for the exit, leaving Paige confused and craving for another taste.

***

It takes Paige a second to gather her thoughts before following the brunette. She ignores the confused glances from her teammates, making some bullshit excuse about fresh air as she fights her way outside. When she gets there, Azzi’s leaning against the wall, eyes closed as she takes in long deep breaths.

“That’s not usually how girls react when I try to kiss them,” Paige says after a second, trying to make light of the situation, even if her heart is heavy with anxiety.

It’s the wrong thing to say because Azzi scoffs, “you kiss a lot of girls don’t you.”

“Yeah and most of them kiss me back,” Paige bites back.

She’s taken aback by the fire in the darker-skinned girl’s eyes as Azzi finally opens them, heaving herself off the wall.

“I won’t be one of your groupies Paige. I won’t be one of your desperate one night stands. I won’t be just some other hookup. I won’t!”

Frankly she’s a little offended Azzi would even think that of her. She’s aware of her reputation. In fact she’d probably fed into it a little bit, exaggerating her escapades to Azzi on the phone her freshman year, when they had been on the verge of combusing and she’d been desperate to get a rise out of the younger girl. Last year though, last year was different. But Azzi doesn’t know that.

“I don’t want you to be any of that,” she replies feebly.

“Then what, do you want me to be?” Azzi’s voice rises with each syllable.

Paige stutters, the words getting stuck in her throat. The truth is she wants Azzi to be everything. The truth is, Azzi already is everything. Except there’s too much between them and she just can’t say it. They stand in silence until Azzi finally breaks it.

“I think these last few weeks of summer might have been the best of my life,” she says miserably, “and that might be the worst thing ever you know? Because it’s not real. You’re gonna go back to your world and you’ll- you’ll stop replying to my texts and you’ll stop- you’ll stop calling me and I- I don’t know if I can do that again.”

“That’s an awful lot of assumptions you’re making about me,” Paige is on defensive mode now, feeling a fight brewing.

“Because that’s what happened. Go back through your fucking phone Paige. Look at all the times I tried. And all the times you never did. You just- you cut me out Paige.”

“That’s not fair. You chose fucking UCLA. Over me.”

“No,” Azzi corrects immediately, anger seeping into her tone, “I chose UCLA over UConn. You made it about yourself.”

Paige swallows back a bitter response in favour of trying to prevent a full-fledged argument, “okay, okay let’s not- let’s not do this okay. It’ll be better this time- I- I won’t ignore your calls or texts or you okay? Just- can we just go back inside please?”

“That’s the thing,” Azzi’s anger is gone, replaced by a sad wistful smile, “I don’t know if I believe that you will,” a single tear rolls down her cheek, “I- I don’t fully trust you and you haven’t fully forgiven me. So where do we go from here?”

It’s a lie what they say about the truth setting you free, Paige thinks as Azzi’s words squeeze at her heart, because all it’s done is unleash shackles of despair that holds them both hostage. It had been easy the last couple of weeks, to pretend the last year had never happened. It had been easy for Paige to pretend that she was over what happened, to ignore the part of her brain that still felt so utterly betrayed.

“Azzi, what are you saying? You don’t- you don’t wanna be friends?” Paige feels nauseous even saying it.

“No I-” Azzi chews at her bottom lip, “I’m saying this- us- we’re too fragile to complicate even more. I barely- fuck- Paige, I barely survived losing my best friend. I don’t think I could survive losing something more.”

The worst thing about it all, is that it makes sense. And really, Paige doesn’t know what she’d expected to happen if Azzi hadn’t pulled away when she did. They’d kiss, maybe give in and do more and then what? Shake hands and walk away? Or make false promises that would ultimately lead to resentment? No, Years and years of something deserved better than either of those masochistic endings. It makes sense, it does but it doesn’t mean Paige has to like it.

In front of her, all the fight evaporates from Azzi’s body, as the younger girl leans back against the brick wall of the club, sliding down and pulling her knees to her chest. She looks every bit as miserable as Paige feels and all the blonde wants to do is wipe away the stress lines creasing against the younger girl’s beautiful phase. She moves to sit down next to her best friend, shuffling so their shoulders are pressed together and intertwines their fingers together. A sigh of relief escapes her when Azzi doesn’t immediately pull away. Instead, she squeezes their hands tighter, as if she’s scared that if she lets go, Paige will disappear.

“You didn’t lose me you know,” Paige says softly after a second, nudging Azzi’s shoulder when the other girl lets out a noise of protest, “I know, I know it feels like you did. It felt like that to me too except- every time something good or bad happened to me, I heard your voice or- or maybe I just really wanted too. We got lost a little bit but I didn’t- I didn’t lose you and you didn’t lose me. There’s a difference. I don’t think we could ever lose each other like that. Not really.”

When Azzi turns to look at her, the golden glow of the street lights illuminate the emotions in her eyes. She gives Paige a soft smile, “well Bueckers, if basketball doesn’t work out, maybe you have a future in poetry.”

“I could do whatever I wanted,” except what I want to do the most.

It doesn’t take long for the Uber Azzi’s already called to start pulling up and that familiar ache of longing creeps into Paige’s spine. She knows tonight isn’t their final goodbye; they still have a couple more days. But those days will be spent ignoring and pretending, unlike tonight and the firm grip they have on reality. They rise off of the cold pavement together, dusting themselves off. It takes a second of awkward glances before they’re surging into each other’s arms, squeezing each other so tightly that it’s hard to breathe. Paige wills herself not to cry, hiding her face in the crook of Azzi’s neck.

“We’ll be okay,” she whispers, unsure if it’s more for her benefit or Azzi’s.

The unwanted beep of a car is the only reason they reluctantly pull away, hurriedly wiping away unshed tears, they pretend the other can’t see. Azzi musters up a brave smile, before slowly moving away and it takes everything in Paige not to crumble and begs her to stay. Azzi’s halfway to the car when she turns back and it feels like Paige can breathe again. The brunette’s face is conflicted for a second before turning determined, as she starts walking back up.

“Az-”

Paige’s confusion is stifled as Azzi fists her shirt, pulling her into a searing kiss. It’s desperate and needy and it’s only a few seconds before the dark-haired girl is pulling away again, but it sets Paige’s entire world off balance.

“I just-” Azzi’s breathing is rapid and uneven, “I’ve wanted to do that since I was fifteen and- just- fuck- I just-,” she blinks up at Paige, “I hate- I hate leaving things unfinished and for fucks sake if you don’t call me back this time Bueckers- just- don’t be a stranger.”

Paige doesn’t get time to answer, she doesn’t think she could even if she did, because Azzi scurries away almost immediately. She stops when she gets to the car, turning back to give Paige one final look, a look that will haunt Paige forever, before getting into the backseat. As Paige watches the back of Azzi’s uber gets smaller and smaller, her tongue darts across her lips as she tries to memorise the faintest taste of Azzi’s strawberry-flavoured lipstick. And she knows, she’s so utterly and completely and terribly fucked.

#pazzi #paige bueckers #azzi fudd #wcbb

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heartofthedragons · 1 year

Text

Rotten Deal Pt. 2

Modern!Aegon x fem!reader

Summary: When your ex boyfriend cheats on you and spreads a vicious rumor about you, you want to make him suffer. So you make a deal with the man you can’t stand: Aegon, the most infamous fuckboy at KLU.

Chapter Summary: It’s day one of your deal and it starts off with a bang and a mix of emotions.

Warning(s): Cursing, Suggestive Language, Suggestive Situations, Making Out, Mentions of parental neglect

Word Count: 1779 words

It’s been about an hour and a half of sitting in the library teaching Aegon, and it’s already a huge undertaking. He keeps zoning out and goofing off, more interested in goofing off and cracking jokes than actually learning the content.

“You know. You need my help much more than I need yours,” you say in annoyance as you catch a glimpse of Aegon scrolling on his phone hidden beneath the table.

Aegon looks at you with a mild scowl before clicking off his phone and going to put it in his pocket. You grab his phone quickly and pry it from his hands. “Ah ah. I’ll be holding on to this for the remainder of this lesson,” you say before putting the phone aside and out of reach of the silver haired boy.

“C’mon Y/N. It’s really not a big deal. I get what you’re saying. I don’t even know why we need to learn this stuff. They’ve all been dead for thousands of years.”

You roll your eyes, turning your head back to the textbook and notes before you, “It’s important because we can learn from their mistakes. Their society collapsed, it’s important to see what contributed to their rise and subsequent fall.”

“Easy. Something something blood magic bad. Something something slavery also very bad,”

“And…?”

“And what?”

“What else was bad, Aegon?” You ask trying desperately to get him to remember at least one crucial thing from today.

“Experimentation?” He asks, clearly unsure of his answer.

A satisfied smile takes over your face. “That’s right. Unethical animal and human experimentation and torture.”

You look at him for a moment. He’s smiling to himself and you can see there’s a hint of pride in his eyes. “You know,” you begin casually, “I’m surprised you don’t know more about of this stuff. Isn’t your dad, like, obsessed with old Valyria?”

Aegon deflates. “Uh…yeah. He is,” he says insecurely, “But old fucker doesn’t know I exist, let alone talk to me about stuff. He’s too busy obsessing over my older sister to pay attention to any of his other kids.” The bitterness and hurt is evident on his face. You’ve seen that same look on his and his siblings' faces before. Dejected and hurt. You remember seeing that look on Helaena’s face when her father didn’t come to her art show in high school. And Aemond’s face when his father wasn’t there to support his win in debate. And even Aegon, back when you two used to be close, searching through the stands hoping his dad was there to cheer him on in softball.

You feel bad. You should’ve known better. But before you can say anything, Aegon is back to his usual confident self, “It doesn’t matter though. I’ve got myself a sexy little teacher to help me learn.”

He leans in close to you, throwing an arm around the back of your chair, “Speaking of. Let’s talk about your half of our little deal.”

“What about it?”

“Come on, sweetheart. You really think anyone is gonna believe we’re fucking when all they see is you annoyed with me in the library?” You sigh and begin to put away the books, you suppose that’s enough studying for day one.

“What do you propose we do?” You ask. Aegon shoots you his confident smile, “People need to see us out together. Talking, flirting, kissing.” You grunt at the last words. “We also need to spend some time together in my room if we want it to be believable.”

You shoot him a glare and he playfully raises his arms in surrender. “I’m not saying we bang it out in there, though I can’t guarantee you won’t want to,” he says flirtingly. You have him with your elbow getting him to back off. “I’m just saying that any girl that I’d be having sex with more than once will be in my room once in a while. You wanna be believable? You gotta do it right.”

You nod. This is what you signed up for after all. “Ok. So where do we start?”

Aegon grins and stands up from his seat, hand outstretched to you. “Well. Today we can start by being seen around campus together. Talking. Flirting. That’ll get the rumors started.”

You accept his hand and ride from your seat slinging your bag over your shoulder and handing his phone back to him.

Aegon smiles as he slips his phone in his pocket and saddles up beside you. He snakes his arm around your waist and pulls you in close, leaning to whisper in your ear, “And make sure you look like you’re enjoying your time with me, beautiful.”

You roll your eyes before flashing him a flirty smile. He’s taken aback. It’s been a long time since he’s seen you smile at him. He likes how you look when you smile, if only you’d do it more around him.

“Let’s go, pretty lady. We have heads to turn.” You both make your way out of the library, and you’re all too aware of just how close Aegon is to you. His arm is gripping your waist tightly, his side pressed against yours, his face not too far from yours. You feel your chest squeeze, but you ignore the feeling.

As you walk together, you realize just what a presence Aegon really is on KLU’s campus. People are watching the two of you from everywhere. Many of them look on in confusion at the unequal match you and Aegon are.

Aegon feels you tense in discomfort and lightly squeezes you in reassurance. You look up at him with worry, and he smiles at you in return. “Relax. Just ignore them. Besides, you should be proud to be on my arm.”

You want to shove him or groan out at his cockiness, but you remember that this is part of the show, so you smile at him and giggle lightly.

You ease into his touch and try to act like you're comfortable with this. Like you’re not two people who avoid each other. Like you’re not two former friends who stopped being close. Like this isn’t awkward and scary and uncomfortable for you. And definitely not like your heart feels like it’ll thump right through your chest. ‘You hate him,’ you tell yourself, ‘Right?’

Aegon is completely contrary to you. He feels perfectly content in this moment, enjoying all the attention the two of you are getting.

“You know, love. I’ve been meaning to ask-,” he begins to say but he’s cut off when he hears you gasp and you stop in your tracks. He looks at you in worry, but follows your wide eyed gaze to the building ahead. And there he is. The golden haired bastard, Jason Lannister.

Jason looks at the two of you incredulously. His gaze is inspecting you both. Aegon smirks to himself before pulling you away towards the side of the building ahead of you. What better time to show off than now?

He spins you around so your back is against the wall and slides the bag off your shoulder to fall to the ground. Aegon leans over you against the wall, slightly caging you. You look at him with wide eyes and he smirks down at you. He leans down to whisper in your ear briefly. “Stop me if I go to far,” he says.

Before you can say anything, Aegon cups your cheek and leans in to kiss you. It’s gentler than you thought he would be, lips soft and plush against yours. You kiss him back trying to remind yourself that this is part of the deal. It’s all a show, and this means nothing. Nothing.

Things soon change when Aegon feels you kiss him back. His hands slides down from your cheek and begins running against your torso and brushing his hand against your chest. You gasp and Aegon pulls away for a second to let out a breathy laugh and smile. “Sorry,” he murmurs unconvincingly before leaning back in to kiss you.

This time his mouth is open testing to see if you’ll match his motions, and you do opening your mouth for each kiss. It’s inviting and Aegon tries to hold back his smirk and he slides his tongue into your mouth.

His arm settles on your hip and pulls you flush against him, continuing to kiss you and explore your mouth with his tongue. It feels so good. Gods be damned if he doesn’t know how to kiss with all the practice.

You’re putty in his hands. Completely melted into him. He pulls away and admired the way you search for him with closed eyes. He raises his hand again to push your hair back from the left side of your neck beginning to leave open mouthed kisses along it. He nips at the soft flesh and you let out a soft almost inaudible whine.

You can’t help but enjoy the feeling of the passionate kisses littering your neck, even if it’s Aegon doing it. Seven hells, maybe that’s why you like it. Not that you’d like to admit that to yourself.

Aegon is enjoying it too. He like seeing you drop your icy exterior, and even more so, he enjoys watching your blissed out face. And then his eyes drift to the side of you two.

Jason Lannister is watching your show with a grimace. Aegon can see how he’s seething at the display. He smirks at Jason and shoot him a wink before giving you one more passionate kiss. It’s messy and his tongue is brushing against yours and his hands are romancing all over you. And then it’s over.

Aegon pulls back with a satisfied look and you gaze at him in shock. Your heart is beating hard and though you’ve just been kissed, your mouth feels dry. You’re breathing hard as you search through your emotions, not understanding any of the complexities of your feelings.

Aegon seems to be completely at peace though. Smirking at you before grabbing your bag and pulling you off the wall. He leads you away from where Jason is standing.

“Not bad, hot stuff. You’ll be getting Jason jealous in no time,” he says with a laugh before slugging his arm over your shoulders.

He’s acting normally. Like he doesn’t care about what happened. Like he didn’t just kiss you passionately in front of so many people. ‘It’s all an act,’ you remind yourself, ‘This is just part of the deal.’

You try to shake away the thoughts and the sinking feeling in your chest. This is what you asked for. This is what you asked him to do. And it doesn’t matter anyways. You don’t like Aegon. You can’t stand him.

Right?

Part 1

Tag List: @fan-goddess @serving-targaryen-realness @gibbsgirl7 @f4ll-for-you @mybeautifuldelirium @introverbatim @mysingularitybts @shroomietrip

#aegon ii targaryen x reader #aegon ii targaryen x you #aegon targaryen x reader #aegon targaryen x you #aegon ii x reader #aegon ii x you #aegon x reader #aegon x you #aegon ii fic #aegon ii targaryen #house of the dragon #hotd fic #modern au #rotten deal fic

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randogirlo-fando-main · 1 year

Text

Steven Hyde x Reader

Y'all I'm already halfway done with the next part so hopefully this is good

Word count:4.2k+ (Aka my longest piece yet)

Warnings, swearing, smoking, making out, slight sexual themes

Point Place, Wisconsin

April 5th, 1977

7:38pm

Location: Eric Forman's Basement

The sounds of Gilligan’s Island fill the basement from the television, smoke in the air as you all sit in the usual circle.

“It runs on water man! I swear you guys just don’t get it.” Hyde huffs, everyone kind of spacing out on their own highs.

“No we get it Hyde, we just also hear it every time we get in this damn circle.” You say, giggling at Donna playing with her hair.

“(Y/n), do you have any candy on you?” Fez clasps his hands together, begging for a yes.

“Of course Fez, someone has to keep you fed.” You throw him a pack of milk duds before throwing a second one to Kelso, already seeing the look in his eyes.

“Man (Y/n), if you weren’t always playing hard to get I’d totally do you.”

“It’s not playing hard to get if I don’t want you dumbass.” You punch his shoulder next to you as he dramatically leans back.

“That hurt!” You smile at him before flicking his nose in response.

“You know, if you’re not careful you’re gonna turn into Red.” Forman looks at you, nodding softly to himself.

“Actually I think your mom is who I want to be when I grow up. Minus the whore daughter and smart mouthed son.” Hyde lifts his arm for a high five to which you give him in pride.

“BURN!” Kelso yells, laughing uncontrollably despite the fact it wasn’t even that good of a burn, just the first time you’ve ever retaliated.

“She’s coming along nicely right? I’m teaching her everything I know.”

When you met the group, you were this quiet 13 year old that had just moved to Point Place from Louisiana. Donna had been the first to approach you, giving you a verbal invitation to join her for lunch. Ever since, you’ve been there for all the shenanigans they’ve done. Usually playing mom for the group to keep them from actually dying. You can safely say you were not there the last time Kelso fell off the water tower otherwise all the pain of a hospital trip and Eric walking in on his parents doing the nasty would’ve not been necessary. The last year, you’ve been tired of being so quiet and reserved around the general public. Hyde offered you an apprenticeship of zen, though you mostly smoke and talk.

“Only took 4 years but here she is, blossoming into a degenerate.” Donna grabs your shoulders like a proud mom, shaking you slightly. Almost instantly the door to the basement swings open, Jackie darting in and standing in front of the TV.

“Donna, (Y/n) are you two ready or not? I’ve been waiting next door listening to Bob sing.” She cringes before walking closer to the couch and pulling you both up by one arm.

“For such a tiny little thing you sure are strong.” You spat, tinge of annoyance in your voice.

“We’re supposed to be having girls night! Facials, manicures, the whole works and instead you’re down here with the boys doing god knows what.” She huffs tapping her foot.

“Relax Jackie, we just needed a circle session to prepare for this.” You say, dramatically gesturing between the girls and you.

“We better go before Jackie drags us out.” Donna gives Eric a kiss goodbye before us three go next door for a night at Donna’s.

There's a moment of silence in the basement, interrupted by Eric clearing his throat.

“Soo, my room has a perfect view of the girls’ sleepover.” Eric points upstairs before all the boys jump up from the couch to head upstairs, hoping to steal a peek at what the girls are doing.

“Donna, remind me to buy your dad pajama pants for Christmas.” You shiver recalling her dad in just a robe and underwear. You all three sit on Donna’s bed as Jackie ruffles through the bag she brought.

“Okay since I know whatever you’re using doesn’t work I brought face masks from home.” Donna pushes Jackie over on the bed as you look through the options. As you all apply the masks in silence, Donna puts music on since she was the first to finish hers.

“So (n/n), any guys? Maybe a secret lover?” Donna shimmies her shoulders in an over-the-top way causing a laugh from you as the blush spreads through your face.

“I mean, I haven’t actually had a crush since we were sophomores. There may be one developing though so we shall see.” You grab one of the stuffed animals Jackie brought, pulling it to your body to hide yourself.

“Well who is this contender? This is history making!” Jackie grabs your shoulders to look up at her.

“I wouldn’t say that-“

“You haven’t had a love life for over two years. I mean there was the one from the house party I brought you to but that was it and it was only one night.” You dig yourself more into the stuffed animal.

“You guys are gonna scream if I say though. Maybe not angry scream but definitely scream.” Their eyes widen as they look between each other and you.

“OH MY GOD IT’S HYDE!” Jackie screams, making you clamp a hand over her mouth.

“Shut the hell up please, we already know the boys are gonna try to sneak in or something like they always do.” You say in a hushed tone, brows furrowed and face bright red.

“Oh my god it is Hyde!” Donna says, grabbing your face with both hands.

“Tell us everything.” You nod as she lets go of you, about to spill all the little moments and stolen glances.

“Dude, what do you think they’re talking about?” Eric says, trying his hardest to hear through the walls.

“I don’t know but- OH JACKIE IS ABOUT TO KISS (Y/N) I REPEAT JACKIE IS ABOU- Oh she was just grabbing her by the shoulders.” Kelso had the binoculars, watching their every move.

“They’re probably talking about boys, or how attracted they are to each other. Look how pink (Y/n) is.” Fez says, eating the popsicle he grabbed from the basement.

“Wait, is- GUYS DONNA IS GONNA KISS (Y/N)!” They all scurry to get closer the window before seeing her pull away.

“Damn why do they keep doing that!?”

“Okay there’s definitely something going on. Jackie isn’t talking at all!”

“Whatever (L/n)'s saying must be really good.” Hyde looks at your side profile, taking in the pink settling through your face and how fast you're talking.

“I'm definitely not his type though, I mean you remember that biker chick. He almost ran away with her!" Donna shakes her head at you.

"Dude you're the only person he doesn't mess with."

"Because I'm the least annoying in the group." Jackie scoffs as you giggle at her.

"Oh please you run around playing mom, that's annoying enough."

"Hey I make it safe fun, you make it no fun. Constant 'don't do that Michael, you're all idiots' it's so annoying. News flash, they're still gonna do it! " She pulls your hair and before you can retaliate, Donna is pushing down to the bed.

"Okay then how about we go see what movies are on?" The redhead exclaims, dragging you both off her bed.

"What's up losers?" You say as you barge into the basement, grocery bags in hand.

"What did you bring?" A smirk comes across your face before putting all but one bag down.

"Just a little something for everyone. First, Fez here's some family size skittles." You present them dramatically before throwing the bag to the boy.

"Okay next we have Frito's, potato chips, Pringles, chocolate for Donna specifically because I love you, some Jackie approved soda since it's never here, and beer!" As everyone grabs at the pile of food, you stand there accomplished. You make your way to sit on the floor before Hyde gets up without a word and sits on the arm of the couch. Your brows furrow at him before he motions for you to sit down in his chair. You reluctantly sit, everyone freezing at the sight.

"Why are you in Hyde's chair?" Fez asks, popping a skittle in his mouth.

"More importantly, why did Hyde give up his chair?" Eric's eyes go wide as a lightbulb goes off in his head.

"Wa-" Before he could even finish a word, Donna is elbowing him in the side to shut him up.

"No way, they're doing it!" Kelso exclaims, pointing back and forth at you both. Hyde punches him in the shoulder, causing a pained 'ow' to come from the boy.

"Oh my god it's a damn chair. Hyde take your chair back." You stand up and move to the floor, arms crossed over your chest. Of course, the guys don't miss the pink flush to your cheeks.

"Nah, I'm good right here." Hyde replies shortly, taking a drink of his beer. As you and Hyde have a staring contest between you and the empty chair, the group is looking at you two like animals in a zoo.

"And here we have the female lioness, asserting her dominance as the male tries to feign attraction." Eric speaks, in a somewhat terrible accent.

"You know what, I'm going to spend time with someone who appreciates my presents and my presence." You smile as you stand up, grabbing the only item left in the grocery bag.

"Oh Mrs. Formannnn~" You yell, running up the stairs. A silence cuts through the basement as everyone stares at Hyde.

"You guys are morons." Hyde sighs, going back to his spot.

"You totally like her!" Jackie yells, a smile on her face.

"Whatever." He leans back, drinking his beer.

"Oh (Y/n) marry me and have my babies!" Fez says as Kelso pretends to kiss someone. Hyde gets up and punches them both in the shoulder before heading to his room. Once Donna hears his bedroom door close, she looks at everyone remaining in frustration.

"If you guys don't stop teasing those two, they will never get together! I mean come on we've seen this coming for a year now." Eric furrows his brows at the girl, confused.

"Wait, you knew they liked each other for a year and didn't tell me?"

"Eric, they've never admitted it. It's just obvious." Fez states, finishing the last of that big bag.

"Actually, we finally got (Y/n) to admit to it kind of. She tried to say it's not a crush yet."

"Well can't we just tell Hyde she likes him so he makes a move?" Kelso scoffs at Eric, making Eric slowly look at the dummy.

"Of course not!"

"That's not a bad idea, but we can't just tell him. After that, we have to figure out a way to get them alone together." Donna adds, trying to figure out how they can execute this plan.

You were currently driving to the Forman's to pick the girls up for a nice dinner which Jackie weirdly offered to pay for. Apparently Donna's parents have been at it again, so she needs an escape. As you park and get out you realize Forman isn't home. You go through the basement door rather loudly.

"Where's my girls?" You call out, waiting for a response. When there was none, you look around confused on their absence. You plop yourself on the couch assuming maybe they're late.

"What are you doing here?" You jump before turning around and seeing the curly headed boy you've grown accustomed to.

"Donna and Jackie were supposed to meet me here to go get dinner but I guess they're late. Or forgot?" You huff, crossing your arms across your chest.

"So that's why you're all dressed up." He decides to turn the tv on before sitting in his chair. You realize a slight shift in his energy as he stares off into the tv, not paying any attention to the show.

"You okay?" He glances over at you before looking back at screen, sighing.

"Yep. Wanna smoke?" You nod and move closer to the arm of the couch. Before long he's back to his usual self, albeit still quiet.

"I can't believe they had me wear a skirt just to not show up for our plans." You huff, leaning on the arm of the couch closer to him.

"Well you look good, we don't see you in skirts a lot." He opens the beer can he got from his hiding spot and took a sip. You feel the heat rise to your face and suddenly you can't stop staring at him.

"Thanks I guess, I usually have to be careful with what I wear around the two pervs. Ever since Kelso got a peek under my homecoming dress freshmen year, I said no short skirts ever again. And thank god Fez doesn't know where I live." He chuckles at that last part giving a nod in agreement.

"I don't think I've been to your place either." He states, looking back at you.

"I mean the only pro is smoking in my room, but that's because it's the attic. You'll have to come over sometime."

"Guess I do." Your eyes drift to his lips and you feel his hand lightly hold your knee.

"I think I want to kiss you." Hyde finally admits, rubbing circles into your knee.

"I think I want you to." He leans in as you close your eyes, feeling him press his lips to yours. You slowly move in sync, trying to lean in closer. His tongue glides against your lips and you part your lips, a sigh escaping you. His hand moves to the side of your neck, tilting your head up as he stands to move next to you on the couch. He pulls away, both of you slightly out of breath.

"Is this okay?" He whispers, you nod in response due to your words failing you. This time you lean in, bringing him into a passionate and deep kiss. He leans you back on the couch as he kisses down your jaw to your neck. A small moan escapes your lips when he lightly bites at the place your shoulder and neck meet, his hand lightly rubbing your exposed waist.

“Steven honey, dinner is ready!” You both quickly pull away from each other, praying she doesn’t come downstairs. Your breathing is jagged as you fix your skirt.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Hyde speaks up, looking at you with a smirk.

“Y-yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He kisses you one last time, knocking the wind out of you before heading upstairs. As if right on cue, Donna and Jackie come through the basement door.

“Hey, you ready for dinner?” Donna asks, both trying to hide the smiles on their faces.

“Where have you two been!? I’ve been waiting an hour.” They both smile at you, a knowing look on their faces.

“Oh shoot, we must have given you the wrong time! Well doesn’t matter, looks like you had fun.” As Jackie giggles to herself Donna sits next to you, wondering how you’re blushing even more.

“What are you t-talking about? I’ve just been sitting here.”

“Mhm, and what’s that on your neck?” Jackie grills, making your eyes widen. Your focus shifting between the two girls, staring at their smiling faces. A sigh of defeat leaves you.

“Damn I’m not getting out of this huh?” They drag you off the couch, heading out the door to finally get dinner.

The next day as you stood on the driveway of the Forman’s house you grew nervous to enter. Unfortunately your new buddy on your neck was barely budging with makeup, so the boys are going to see it. Deciding you’d rather not run into Kitty or Red, you head towards the basement door. As you enter, you quickly dart to the couch with a wave. You look up and see just Donna and Eric next to you, his eyes wide.

“Hey uh (Y/n), what’s going on?” His eyes dart between your neck and eyes, trying hard not to stare.

“Not much, I slept in thanks to that dinner last night. That food was crazy.” You look at Donna, reminiscing on crème brulée and crab Rangoon.

“N-not much, cool cool. Hey what’s on your neck there?” The smile on his face is slappable as you smile back.

“What’s it look like?” You test him, waiting for him to crack.

“It looks like a hickey, now who would be giving you a hickey?” He taps his finger against his chin before pointing at you.

“Could it be our very own Hyde?” Your eyes widen slightly before you instantly go back to your smile, this time leaning in a little to meet his face in front of Donna.

“Why don’t you ask him?” You push his forehead away from you hard, earning a groan from the skinny boy.

“You guys act like siblings more than Eric and Laurie.” Donna laughs, pulling her boyfriend back down on the couch before he could go ask Hyde. Like clockwork, Hyde comes downstairs, sodas in hand.

“I don’t know why I had to go get these.” He huffs, putting them on the table before realizing you’re here. He sits down on his chair, staring at you before giving a nod. You smile at him, leaning on the arm of the chair.

What you don’t see is Forman’s shit-eating grin because he was definitely right. Before he can say so however, Kelso and Jackie are barging in already arguing. It doesn’t take long for it to stop when Kelso sees you.

“Oh man Hyde that’s gotta burn!” He laughs, Jackie stepping on his foot.

“Kelso, shut up.” Hyde tries to keep his smirk down, but it slips easily.

“Come on just a few days ago you were offering her your chair and now she comes here with a hickey!” You’re bright red at this point, begging anyone with your eyes to get him to shut up.

“Kelso think about that very slowly. The day with the chair, remember anything else that happened? Like maybe yesterday?” Donna speaks like he’s a preschooler, which kind of works. You watch the wheels turn in his head, gears shifting as he looks between everyone before gasping.

“Oh my god, they’re doing it!” Kelso jumps earning a slap on the shoulder from Jackie.

“Kelso, we’re not doing it.” Hyde huffs, annoyed with all his friends.

“…yet.” You mumble, only Donna and Hyde hearing you.

“What so-“

“Kelso shut the hell up and sit down.” He sighs and sits on the arm of the couch closest to the chair Jackie is in.

“Where’s Fezzy boy?” You ask, not feeling the usual feeling of him staring.

“He should be here soon, something about his foster parents trying to get him baptized.” Eric speaks up, clearly amused. You giggle a little at the thought before resting your head in your hand propped on the couch arm.

“You okay?” Donna asks, getting Hyde’s attention. She rubs your shoulder a little for comfort as your head sinks into your hand.

“Just tired, you think Kitty would let me go sleep in Laurie’s room since she’s ‘scouting schools with a girlfriend’ or will Red stop her?” You smile lazily at Donna, earning a laugh from her.

“With that hickey, I think she’d stop you for questioning first.” You sigh and sit up straight, trying to wake up a little.

“Maybe circle time will wake you up.” Eric interjects, shaking a brown baggie.

“Dude, anyone tell you you have bug eyes?” You giggle and poke at Eric’s face.

“And she’s awake!” He grabs your finger and puts it down, chuckling at you.

“You know, I never saw you as a hickey girl (Y/n), thought you must’ve been a prude if you didn’t want me.” Both Hyde and Jackie punch either arm, causing Kelso to jerk back in his chair.

“You started the circle without me!?” Fez sits on the floor in front of you, pouting slightly.

“Sorry man, she was totally about to fall asleep.” Donna says, braiding a small section of your hair. You giggle and pat the boy in front of you’s head.

“(Y/n) come here.” Hyde says in a low tone, everyone else talking amongst themselves. You lean in closer to hear him.

“What’s up?” You try to look at his eyes through the sunglasses with no luck.

“Why don’t you come sit with me? Just so no one’s on the floor you know?” You blush as you look at him.

“A-are you sure?” He nods and you stand, tapping Fez to take your spot. Once he sits on the couch, you sit on the edge of Hyde’s lap. Soon, he’s pulling you into him, keeping an arm around your waist while the other lays on your knee. Your friends all stare but say nothing, not wanting to scare you off like last time. It would be hard though when all you can concentrate on is the feeling of his warm skin on yours and his breath fanning your neck.

“When did this happen?” Fez asks, mostly excited but slightly sad as well.

“Last night.” Hyde responds, causing a blush on your face as you look around the room for reactions.

“We’ll still have our weekly dinners, right (N/n)?” The boy on the couch asks you, making you rub his shoulder and smile.

“You mean us going to the candy store and spending way too much just to eat it all in one night? Yes fez, I’m not abandoning our sugar addiction.” He pumps his fist and is all smiles now.

“I didn’t know you and Fez were close?” Hyde asks you, rubbing your knee.

“Yeah, gotta make sure you boys aren’t tainting him. Specifically Kelso.” He nods and leaves a peck on your cheek.

“Okay I know we planned this but did we think about us having to be around it?” Jackie asks, huffing as kelso laughs.

“Jackie how many times have one of us walked in on you and Michael smacking on the couch?” You say, shuddering slightly at the memory.

“She’s got you there babe.” Kelso smiles at her before she slaps his shoulder.

“What so are you guys official? Or just messing around?” Donna asks, before realizing this conversation is missing something.

“You know what you come with me.” Donna points at you and ushers you both up the stairs.

“Donna why did we need to go upstairs for this?”

“Is that my favorite daughter?" you hear kitty in the other room and your eyes go wide. As you’re lead to the kitchen, kitty looks at you and instantly her smile is wider and she’s clapping and laughing.

“Finally you two happened! I’m assuming the plan worked?” Kitty asks Donna, receiving a nod from the redhead.

“Wait you had Mrs. kitty help you?”

“Just had her call Hyde up so we could be alone with you for the interrogation.” You all three sit at the dining table, kitty putting out cookies that you gladly take.

“So, are you two official?” Kitty asks, pushing the cookies closer to you.

“I mean I guess not? We didn’t talk about it. We were just watching tv while I waited for the girls, and he said he wanted to kiss me.” You take another cookie.

“But he’s practically all over you. At least as much as Hyde can be.” Donna says, looking at Kitty.

“He told her to share his chair so Fez could sit on the couch instead of the floor.” Kitty gasps and claps in excitement again.

“Honey he is smitten, he never cares about the boys’ comfort.” You think about it before the pink comes back to your face again today. If you keep blushing it may end up permanent.

“I mean I know he’s not good at talking about feelings, so I don’t wanna ask. I’d rather just let it happen.” You grab a third cookie before standing up, ready to head back downstairs.

Little did you know, Jackie was leading the interrogation downstairs, knowing the boys would mess it up somehow.

“So Hyde, are you gonna ask her out or what?” She asks, the boys looking between her and Hyde.

“I don’t know man.” He shrugs, causing Jackie to stand up.

“Well you gotta figure it out. If you actually like her you have to ask her. I know Michael and Eric told you how (Y/n) feels and I may not like her but she’s better company than you and I don’t want her all sad when we’re supposed to be talking about me!”

“She doesn’t seem sad to me.” You walk down the stairs, cookie still in hand.

“I’m back!” You move to sit with Hyde again, ignoring the empty spot Donna was in.

“Wait there’s cookies?” Fez and Kelso instantly stand up, dragging Jackie and Eric with them.

“Man they’re annoying.” Hyde sighs, stealing a pinch of cookie.

“Yep, we have pretty annoying friends. And family, apparently Kitty was in on it.” You look at him, leaning his head back over the chair. He looks back up at you and draws circles into your waist.

“Oh well, wanna go to the hub?” The look in his eyes is a tad newer, slight worry and suddenly you realize he’s asking you out.

“Little cliche but I’ll let it slide. Come on.” You stand from his lap and lean down to give him a kiss as you pull him up. The smile on your face says everything as he wraps his arm around you and lead you to the door.

#steven hyde x reader #hyde x reader #that 70s show #that 70s show x reader #steven hyde

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rumble-aint-a-rumble-without-me · 7 months

Note

having to take a younger sibling trick-ortreating and dragging dallas along (hc's)

A/N: I absolutely loved this prompt, thank you so much for sending it in, really scratched an itch in my brain that I didn't know needed scratching. Hope you enjoy!

Halloween nights and Dal’s walking around with you and your kid sibling instead of being at the big Halloween party at Buck’s place

Originally, the two of you were supposed to be at the party, but when your parents asked you to go with your little sibling, you couldn’t exactly tell them no-

And when you asked Dally to join the two of you…well he couldn’t quite find it in himself to say no either

So that’s how the infamous Dallas Winston ended up trailing along behind you and your sibling on Halloween night instead of being drunk off his ass at Buck’s big party

He’s happy to be with you, don’t get me wrong, and he’ll get better as the night rolls on, but at the beginning, he’ll definitely whine and complain about how he’d rather be at the party

Calmly tell him that you really don’t need him and are perfectly capable of walking both yourself and your small sibling through the dark streets on one of the most dangerous nights of the year and that’ll shut him up real fast, I promise you

Now! Onto the cute stuff!

Unless your sibling is small, I’m talking younger than like- five years old- Dally will refuse to walk up with them to the door

Anything over six, you’re gonna have to be the one who walks your younger sibling up to the houses while Dally waits back on the sidewalk, looking bored beyond all belief as he keeps an eye on the two of you

If your sibling is below five though, below five is an age that Dally believes deserves a little more hand-holding and he’ll be more than willing to go up to the door with your kid sibling

Granted, this kindness will have to be earned and Dal’s gotta have a good relationship with your kid sibling, enough of a bond between them that Dal’s willing to hold their hand as the two of them walk up to the door

Try imagining for a moment, Dally quietly murmuring to your kid sibling that they have to say trick-or-treat because they’ve forgotten what to do and are being shy and trying to hide in his leg

Try and tell me that’s not cute.

You can’t.

It’s the cutest thing I’ve thought of all day long.

As the night wears on, your kid sibling is bound to get tired, especially if they’re smaller cause Halloween involves a lot of walking and kids get tired fast, especially if they’ve got tiny legs

Dally, if he’s feeling overly generous, will pick up and carry your small sibling if they’re young enough to do so, or will carry their candy bag on the way home

Carrying the candy bag comes with a price, Dal’s gonna take some of the candy, and he’ll eat what he wants (he’s not gonna steal that much though, he’s not that much of an asshole to steal a kid's candy, especially not when it's your kid sibling's)

At some point in the night too, I forgot to mention this earlier, but he’ll grab your hand as you walk the sidewalks, or he’ll throw his arm around your shoulders to keep you close to his side

If you ask what he’s doing, he’ll look away from you and mutter something about kids being stupid on Halloween and how he’s just trying to protect you from the idiots

Also! If you’ve got a tiny sibling, Dally will crouch down and compliment their costume before you start trick-or-treating, saying how he thinks they look tough or cute or whatever

If you’ve got an older younger sibling, that sounds weird but you know what I mean, he’ll be a little more teasing and ask if they’re too old to be trick-or-treating or dressing up and generally be a nuisance because he knows your sibling can handle it

A few more random things before I wrap this up:

When you’re crossing the streets, he’ll grab both of your hands and walk across because he’s gotta set a good example for the kid, ya know? Holding your hand just comes as a benefit-

He will refuse to dress up no matter if you’re dressing up or not, Dallas will not dress up at all and will just walk around with you and your sibling in his regular clothes

If the houses have candy that sucks, Dally tells your kid sibling that they can come back later and TP the house if your kid sibling wants to

I highly recommend smacking him in the side in these instances because he’s being serious and will actually do it. Don’t let him do it

And ya know…at the end of the night…when he drops you and your younger sibling back at home, he sheepishly admits that he did have a good time with the two of you, probably a better time than he would have at the party and offers to join the two of you again next year

Reward him with a big kiss and a bunch of Halloween candy, it’s only the right thing to do <3

#the outsiders #the outsiders headcanons #the outsiders hcs #the outsiders x reader #dillo’s writing #dallas winston #dallas winston x reader

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glitterpensupremacy · 3 months

Text

Alright lads (gender neutral), time to start some controversy.

Totally normal and unoriginal take: I think Marinette and Adrien are relatively equal in physical strength. (Not who would win in a fight, the show has shown multiple times that it would be LB, I’m just saying realistically, in terms of exerting one’s muscles).

I often hear arguments that Marinette would be super strong due to being Ladybug, but the same should apply to Adrien, right? Sure he gets blipped out of some fights, but there’s also plenty of fights where he’s present (still physically active) but mind-controlled by the villain of the week. Furthermore, there’s plenty of episodes where Chat Noir has to hold off the villain while Ladybug focuses on problem solving (which requires a lot less physical exertion). Therefore, if Marinette is strong because she’s Ladybug, that alone cannot justify her being stronger than Adrien due to him also being a superhero (her being stronger than her usually-civilian classmates however, I can easily get behind).

I suppose if we’re using the argument that she’s stronger due to doing things like lifting bags of flour in the bakery, then maybe, but the show only has her occasionally helping her parents in the bakery (not that it’s her fault she has other stuff to do, just saying that it doesn’t fully work as a reason for her being physically stronger), and even then it’s usually managing the counter and sometimes baking some of the goods.

There’s also technically the diet factor, as people will say that she’s stronger due to getting to eat normal foods that build muscles better, while Adrien eats smaller meals due to being a model. However, from personal experience (I have a pretty unimpressive diet and sometimes forget to eat three meals a day), my scrawny noodle arms can lift a surprisingly amount to most people, so I don’t think his diet would keep him from being able to do muscle-intensive activities. If anything, I maintain that Marinette and Adrien would have equal physical abilities, Marinette would have more muscle mass (if they didn’t insist on giving her toothpick arms to be more marketable), but Adrien’s muscles would be more pronounced/defined (skinny people’s muscles usually stick out more due to having low amounts of body fat).

On the one hand, I get the “haha little girl wearing pink is actually an absolute unit and stronger than all the boys” joke, but on the other hand, I think I find the “supermodel is actually as strong as baker” joke even funnier. (Like you mean to tell me that the class would underestimate Marinette, their over-achieving “everyday Ladybug”/class rep, more than Adrien, that one rich boy they’ve known for less than a year and constantly typecast as a helpless damsel in distress? I don’t think so.)

#miraculous ladybug #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #We all know Marinette is goated #Adrien’s the one who’s secretly more than just a pretty face #ml analysis #ml headcanons #ml fandom #ladybug #chat noir

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onestepbackwards · 2 years

Note

Consider

Self aware au, but the player continously refers to the hero as their child. It's absolutely something I'd do

When reader gets pulled into the game, hero is calling them a parental term of some sort. I imagine the aware characters having interesting reactions to that.

Laventon is over the moon, he already calls the hero "my girl/boy" so it makes it even better for the God of this world to do so.

Ingo has a breeding kink, so of course he adores it. Makes him think of a domestic life with their God

Volo is shitting himself. You're telling him he almost killed the child you consider to be your child. *fuck,shit,fuck* cue a sobbing apologizing Volo on his knees. He'd be begging for forgiveness.

However you ignore him, giving him pat on the head, saying that you'd deal with him later. You have a bigger issue to deal with

Kamado

Combine this with any of the other aus, perhaps the 30 ft tall one, and it gets so much better. =)

(Been hanging around here for a bit. Finally worked up the courage to send in something. Could I be known as Witch Anon?)

Welcome on in Witch Anon! Good to see you! （＾∀＾●）ﾉｼ Honestly, I would adopt Akari/Rei. They deserve the best, especially after everything they’ve been through. I would throw hands.

Imagine, you get pulled into the game, you wake up with the hero above, concerned. Understandably, you are distraught and confused. They try and calm you down, and what catches your attention, is when they seem to cling to you. They tell you they have heard you this whole time, and have felt safe in your presence. You guide them, and try your best to keep them and their team happy and healthy. They didn’t mind someone taking control every so often, and were quick to figure out their world was a game to someone else’s. But they knew you were on their side, especially when you spoke up for them whenever something bad happened. They knew no matter what, you were in their corner. Especially when you started calling them your child. You cared for them more than any person here. So when they saw you laying on the ground, they immediately knew who you were. They had to protect you until you woke up, like you had protected them. You both discuss what to do from here, and they insist on taking you in as their guardian. You’re a little taken aback, but accept none the less. You did care for them, and you would protect this child with your life. Even if they ended up doing most of the protecting. It’s okay though, they are happy protecting you after all you’ve done for them. They insist on coming with you everywhere you go, and being there to protect you. Especially if you want to go see the village. You wonder why, but then they tell you it’s because of how the others may react to you. Others? That has you curious. The hero explains that the others are somewhat aware of your existance. Your voice, your face, all of it. Whenever the game was on, they’d either hear you or see you. You don’t know how to process that information. Other characters were also aware? They heard you, and some saw you? You feel your face flush. Oh god these people heard you, and all the dumb shit you’ve said. You hoped they didn’t hate you, and told the hero as such. They smile and shake their head. “No, they don’t hate their god. At least I don’t think so?” You stop mid step. A God? You ask for clarification. The hero looks at you, confused. They’re talking about you, silly! Who else? You are completely gobsmacked. They think you are a god? The hero shrugs. They are aware that there’s more to it than that, but it’s easier just to go along with it. Meanwhile your mouth is opening and closing like a fish. You aren’t a god, you assure them! The hero tells you they don’t mind if you are or aren’t, they’re just happy to have you with them. Getting to the village, however, is quite chaotic. Laventon is excited to meet you! You worked just as hard to help with the pokedex, and seemed to be a rather kind soul! You smile and tell him you are happy to help, and you couldn’t have done it without the hero, who you wrap an arm around like a parent to their kid. When he hears you call the hero your kid, it’s as if a lot of things click into place. Of course the hero would be your kid, not just your vessel! It explains why you are so protective of them too! He already loves Akari/Rei as his own, and its obvious the hero sees him as a father figure, and he already liked you a lot. When he’s alone, a thought crosses his mind. What if the hero saw you both as their parents? A blush covers his cheeks at the thought of being with you as a parent. It doesn’t sound so bad, the more he thinks about it. Ingo is another that loves the idea. He already likes you a lot, and knows you care about him quite a big deal from all the things he had heard you say about him. Ingo cares about the hero a lot as well, and feels a like a parent figure to them. So when he hears you call them your kid, he’s secretly ecstatic. He’s polite when talking to you, but inside, his mind is racing. He can’t help but daydream about you two together in a home, him cooking for you and the hero. He becomes flustered at the idea of providing for you both. The domesticity of it makes him flustered enough to pull down his hat while talking to you. The hero sees this though, and teases him about it later. Meanwhile, word gets around to Volo that the hero is more or less your kid, and you are very protective of them. He nearly screams and tears his hair out. Seriously?? The kid who he had fought, with the intention of getting rid of, was the kid of the true god??? Oh he was so upset. Expect him to find you two late at night, knocking on the hero’s door. Both of you are surprised to see Volo at the door. Not only that, but he looks like an absolute wreck. He gets down on his knees, and begs you both for forgiveness. He swears, he had no idea! He swears, even though he knew of your existence, he couldn’t stop himself! It was as if strings were controlling his every move! He babbles on and on to you two, and you nearly squeak in surprise when he grabs a leg, and is begging for forgiveness. You and the hero share a shrug. They had told you they were upset, yeah, but they didn’t hate him. You awkwardly pat his head, and tell him you’ll.... figure something out later. He betrayed the hero, and it would be up to them if he got forgiveness. He’s still upset, but let’s go of you, and agrees to leave. This wasn’t outright anger at him, and he would take anything he could get. Besides, you still had to deal with Kamado, who has seemingly been avoiding you this whole time. He was gonna get a tongue lashing when you finally got your hands on him for banishing your kid. Beni wasn’t safe either. Meanwhile, the hero has stars in their eyes. They are so lucky to have someone like you willing to protect them, especially after everything they’ve been through.

The 30ft au idea does make this a bit funnier. If anyone had any doubts you were a god (despite you telling them time and time again you weren’t one), they certainly felt you were now. Everyone thinks twice about ever hurting your kid, lest you come by to stomp on them. You wouldn’t, but hey, you weren’t going to correct them either. Anything to help people back off and keep your kid safe.

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bp-zb1fics · 1 year

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Something cute with Zhang Hao where the reader became close with one of the boys (Jiwoong maybe?) and he's jealous because poor boy has the biggest crush on reader :( with a cute lil confession? 🥰

A real kiss~

pairing: jealous zhang hao x long time friend reader ft. jiwoong as the cause of drama (jk)

pronouns: none used

genre: canon au, fluff, humour

tw/tags: introvert things, nicknames, jealousy lol, jiwoong giving hands-on acting lessons (maybe a lil too hands-on for hao but he’s just being nice y’all), woong best wingman (yes he can sense the tension), kdrama mention, flashback, kissing, confessions

wc: 1175

summary: maybe hao’s a teeny little bit jelly of how well you get along with jiwoong.

a/n if any of you saw this earlier than scheduled, it's because tumblr hates me and likes to confuse me constantly~ anyways thanks for the req anon, this was really cute and i enjoyed writing it very much, a little content note: xiào xiào is a nickname used for kids who are like happy or smiley but hao calls mc that bc they make hao happy shdsd ok if any better mandarin speaker would like to correct me or suggest another nickname, just lmk~

check my pinned for more fics!

Zhang Hao likes to think he’s a fairly laid back person.

Or at least, that’s what he likes to think when you’ve been deep in conversation with Jiwoong for the past hour and not spending time with the person who actually invited you over (him).

Okay maybe he isn’t being fair. You’ve also, over the past hour, checked in on him and tried your best to involve him in your conversation. It’s just that Hao is an introvert and today is one of the days where he doesn’t feel like making it a three way conversation. Also they’ve mostly worked it out but he and Jiwoong still have their awkward moments so there’s that too.

“You alright Hào hào?” Well at least he can enjoy the fact you’re using the nickname that only you call him. (Because absolutely no one else is allowed to call him that ever).

“I’m fine, Xiào xiào.”

You had joined Yuehua around the same time, Zhang Hao as an idol trainee while you were preparing to go into acting. To say you were close would be an understatement. You clicked immediately, the other Yuehua trainees would joke that you were Hao’s co-parent with how often you would come over to their dorm with food.

Hao spent every free day he had off the program with you if both of you weren’t busy. Sometimes you’d even accompany him to visit his subway ads, obviously sporting a mask and hat and keeping it lowkey so as not to draw attention to yourself. While you’ve been an extra or had a line or two for a few drama gigs, you haven’t exactly made your public debut just yet.

It just so happened that you’d be working with Jiwoong on your first minor supporting role in The Good Bad Mother, alongside your actor sunbaenim in Yuehua who had the starring role. The eldest hyung also happened to have quite a bit of experience in acting and you happened to have questions. While your company sunbaenims and teachers were helpful, they were also quite busy and you didn’t want to bother them too much.

“So for kissing scenes-”

Suddenly, Hao’s full attention is on you as you ask his bandmate how one goes about filming such scenes. He’s not dumb. Hao knows once you start getting bigger roles, you might do scenes like that. But dammit, he wants to be your first kiss, not some actor who’s playing your love interest.

“You’ve never been kissed before?”

It’s one of those moments where you’re too tired from the hours and hours of PR training, Hao preparing for Boys Planet and you for the eventual conferences and public appearance you’ll make once you make your acting debut.

“It’s not that.” You sink into the sofa of the little room you’ve been in for hours, learning how to avoid getting a bad edit on camera.

“It’s just that none of them really meant anything, you know? It was for fun, for a dare or some shit like that. To figure out whether I liked boys or girls or both. I just don’t think it’s a real kiss, you know?”

“What’s a real kiss then?”

You’re quiet for a bit and Hao’s about to move on with the conversation when you speak again.

“With someone I like. I’d be nice to kiss someone I like. Someone who likes me too.”

I like you, Hao thinks. I’d like to kiss you.

He could do it. He could offer. But he’s shy and your friendship is only a few months old and he’s going to get shipped off to this Mnet program soon. So instead he says:

“That sounds nice. I’ve never thought of it that way.”

“Maybe because you’re the type to go around kissing everyone, Mr. Campus prince.”

You tease.

“Hey! I wasn’t like that at all.”

Hao protests. You grin mischievously and your conversation devolves back to light, playful back and forth.

But Hao doesn’t forget.

Maybe that’s the day that he decides to try and become the someone you like.

Jiwoong’s hands are on your shoulders. Zhang Hao’s not sure when that happened but he does know that he doesn’t like it.

“So my hands should go here?” You ask, patting Jiwoong's rib cage. He nods, expression completely placid and wholly focused on teaching you how to manoeuvre yourself.

“You can also put it on their waist, the director will be giving you instructions and you can monitor yourself on camera between takes as well.”

You nod thoughtfully, tentatively placing your hands on him. Zhang Hao’s fingers twitch, just a little. Most of the members who had been filtering in and out of the room seemed to have disappeared. It’s just him, you, and Jiwoong.

Which is why you decide to lean in, your face just about a few inches away from the eldest ZB1 member.

“So I just go like this?”

That’s it. Hao’s had enough. He can’t do this. He can’t watch you anymore.

“Xiào xiào?”

Hao’s careful not to show how happy he is when you pull away from Jiwoong and look at him. His hyung must have sensed it anyway, standing up and saying he’s supposed to meet Seobin soon. You thank him for the help, he says you can text him anytime (Hao’s not sure how to feel about that one) and then he leaves the two of you alone.

“There goes my acting teacher.” You pout a little and Hao can’t help himself.

“You came here to spend time with me, not take lessons from Jiwoong-hyung.”

“Awww, is Hào hào jealous?”

“I miss you.” He says instead of answering, hugging your side like he usually does.

You hug him back, and in a small voice, you admit.

“I’ve missed you too, Hào hào.”

There shouldn’t be anything special about the moment. You’ve done this before, hugged like this before, said things like this before. But this time, he just-

Hao pulls away, his arms still wrapped around you loosely. It’s just enough so he can see your eyes, looking at him, he can’t read you too well, he swears his heart’s beating so loudly that you can hear it. But you don’t pull away. He leans in.

His lips are soft against yours, you can feel the slightly sticky sensation of the lip balm he uses, taste a little of the tea he was drinking a while ago. It’s warm and nice and it feels perfect.

His arms slide to your waist and your fingers circle around his shoulders, holding onto the fuzzy knit fabric of his cardigan. You can smell the perfumed lotion he uses, pleasantly floral and addicting. He keeps kissing you. You keep kissing back.

Hao only stops when his heart feels like it’s going to give out, catching his breath and looking at you with your flushed cheeks and swollen lips. He can’t help but ask.

“Was that a real kiss?” I like you so, so much.

“I think it was, Hào hào.” I like you too.

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useramor · 1 year

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it's you, it's you, it's all for you (everything i do) word count: 1.1k

eddie asks about buck's coma dream, 6x11 coda (also the title is from video games by lana del rey because they're playing a video game in this sdlfgjh okay enjoy)

“So,” Eddie says after they’ve both died in the video game. Christopher got it recently and already completed the entire game — a magical quest one that ends with them fighting off an evil wizard that turns into a dragon. Very Maleficent, if you ask Buck.

“So?” Buck echoes, looking over at him. They’re sitting on the floor, backs resting against the couch. Eddie looked at him curiously when he plopped onto the ground, but a couch feels like a little bit of a sore subject at the moment.

Especially when his mom recently bought the largest, ugliest, most uncomfortable sofa Buck’s ever sat on. It’s an eyesore. And it is, unfortunately, taking up half his loft.

It feels kind of pointed. Like the universe is trying really hard to tell him something. He figures he better figure it out soon, because he doesn’t feel like getting struck by lightning or something.

Again.

Point is, Buck wants a comfortable couch. It doesn’t have to be huge, or have reclining seats, or anything, but it needs to feel right. He needs to sit on it and feel like he’s home. Like he can relax and shed some of the pressures of the day.

It might be a lot to put on a couch, but Buck’s willing to wait.

So, basically, they’re on the floor.

“What was I like? In your dream? I mean, I was in it, right?”

“Kind of?” Buck tilts his head, scrunching his nose as he looks at it. “I don’t think you’re gonna like what my subconscious came up with.”

Eddie shrugs, leaning against the couch, head tilted slightly. He’s very pretty, Buck’s been noticing. Not that there has ever been a moment where he thought Eddie was unattractive, but it’s been a kind of new discovery to realize the small smile on his face as he waits for Buck to move on makes his heart swoop.

It’s not a new feeling, either, just one he wasn’t ready to look at, yet. He’s still not quite there, if he’s being honest with himself.

It’s just—

Eddie’s couch fits him, Eddie, and Chris pretty comfortably. Buck’s spent an awful lot of nights (and a lot of awful nights) sleeping on this couch. And it’s not like Buck’s ready to put this couch in his loft or move into Eddie’s house so he can sit on this couch all the time, but. Maybe soon he’ll be okay with…sitting on it, or something.

And he thinks Eddie might grab some beers from the fridge and sit beside him.

“I still wanna know,” Eddie says, low and soft, quiet under the repetitive tune of the video game still playing on the TV.

“Okay,” Buck says. “Well, I didn’t see you.”

“You saw everyone else but you didn’t see me? I thought we were best friends,” he teases.

“We are. You were alive in it. Chim mentioned you.”

“Your subconscious puts Chimney over me?”

I think my subconscious knew that if I saw you and you weren’t the Eddie sitting in front of me, I wouldn’t know how to cope, he thinks, but keeps the words to himself. Rolls his eyes fondly and mumbles a “shut up,” instead.

“No, seriously. Here I’ve been considering you my friend, bringing my son to see you in the hospital — sneaking him into the ICU, by the way, because he wouldn’t leave the hospital without seeing you—”

“Really?” Buck asks, and he hates the awe in his voice. He hates the way, even after all this time, he doesn’t know how to trust that people want him around. Not fully, anyway.

Eddie catches onto it. Of course he does.

“Buck, of course. Chris needed you to come back. We all did.”

Buck hears the silent I needed you to come back. He doesn’t point it out.

He swallows around a tightness in his throat.

“Oh,” he whispers. Eddie snorts, looking at him fondly.

“Yeah. Oh.”

“You didn’t have Chris. In my dream,” Buck blurts.

“Your parents fought for custody and won. You—I didn’t know you. In the dream. Or, you didn’t know me, but, hell, it’s my brain, right? So I knew. I knew you fought like hell to keep him, but your hours in the end—Eddie, I hope you know I don’t think I, like, am the reason you have Chris. You’re the best dad I know, okay? I know you would do anything in the world for him, I was just living in my worst case scenario, and—”

“I didn’t have you,” he says simply. “I would do anything for my son, obviously, but without the right help, without Carla, I can only imagine the kind of hell my parents would’ve given me.”

Eddie’s looking at him so gently that Buck would trip over the feelings he’s spilling onto the floor if he weren’t sitting down.

“You’re not wrong to assume our lives would kind of suck without you, Buck.”

“My life sucked without you. You were the first person I thought of, when I woke up in that dream. You and Christopher,” he admits softly, his words washing over them like a blanket. Eddie scoots closer. Buck can’t tell if the action is intentional or not, he just knows that from one second to the other there’s a new, unmistakable warmth along his side.

“Yeah?” Eddie asks, like he can’t believe Buck. Like he can’t believe he got lucky enough to have him sit here and admit that Eddie and Chris were the first tethers, his first pulls back home.

“Yeah. Always. Fought to come home, y’know.” Buck hopes it comes off casually. Hopes it comes off like his heart isn’t lodged in his throat, like maybe the 118 is his home, but Eddie seems to get it, anyway.

Eddie knocks their shoulders together, and it’s a quiet promise. They both know, he’s pretty sure. They both know they’ve got something going, something good, something with a couch and a house and a family. A love Buck doesn’t have to die to experience.

But it’s not the right time. Close. Just hovering around the corner. Buck can be patient for once in his life; Eddie’s worth everything.

He picks up his controller, silently asking if he wants to go again.

Eddie nods, but his finger hovers over the play button. His brown eyes are warm and dark when they land on Buck’s, and it takes mental effort to remember he needs to keep breathing when Eddie smiles at him — soft and fond and flushed a peachy pink.

“For the record,” he says, clearing his throat like the words don’t know how to come out. “I always fight to come home to you, too.”

Buck’s character dies three times in a row, the words home to you on an endless loop in his mind.

Yeah, he thinks. Knows, really. Soon.

#bia fic but it's NOT on ao3 this time tho i will probably post it on there later hsdflkjgh #bia.fic #buddie #buddie fic #911 spoilers

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nope-body · 1 year

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#I don’t know what to do about my parents #I can’t just completely cut them out of my life and I don’t want to #even if it means they might end up hurting me again and again #but like. I don’t want them involved in my life any more than they have to be #and everything’s so much more confusing because they’re like. trying to be better?#which is good! but they haven’t actually changed. they still do the same things that hurt me and still hurt my sister #but now they get to say they’re trying as an additional guilt trip #and the problem is that some of their actions have actually changed! but it’s all surface level #they’re concerned about my health because doctors have validated my issues #they still want to know my grades and where I am #they are as controlling as they can get without them having to actually acknowledge that they’re being controlling #the thing that’s changed is that I’m legally an adult now and several states away #they still find ways to make me feel bad about things I care about and I barely talk to them #I don’t know how they’ll react to new things anymore and that’s what’s scariest because I used to be able to predict it #I really don’t know whether they care about me or care about who they think I am or want to think they care about me #I used to be more certain that they only cared about who they thought I was and about thinking that they cared about me #and now I genuinely don’t know again!#but I also know that how they’ve treated me growing up has forever impacted our relationship #I mean. I wouldn’t be staying on campus and lying to keep my parents from visiting if it hadn’t #other people say they look forward to seeing their family over break. other people call their parents regularly (not all but a number).#other people miss their parents #and I really really don’t

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bluestripedspeedo · 3 months

Text

Indiscreet - 05. In the Mood for Love Pairing: Writer/Producer!Javi Gutierrez x you (Hollywood AU) SERIES MASTERLIST

Chapter summary: This is it. The Big Moment. Chapter warning: NSFW, NC-17, mature, no minors allowed. Discussion of safety, oral (both you and Javi), PIV, dirty talk, daddy kink (not the DDLG kind), age gap (mid 20s and mid 40s). Word count: 9.8k

Playlist: Dress - Taylor Swift So It Goes

Author's note: I had this in the queue two years ago, then life got in the way and I abandoned it. I've decided to return because I feel I have a responsibility to finish what I started, so here it is, the very long awaited smut chapter!

I've also decided to tweak the previous chapters a lot because I've changed as a person in these two years, so it's better to reread those first, as a refresher too. When I first started writing this, it was going to be about a pandemic/quarantine romance - it was initially inspired by The Bubble's premise anyway. But... that's old news now, and I don't feel like going back to that space of mind. You fall in love under different circumstances now.

Enjoy and apologies for my absence. I promise to be here more often!

✧✧✧

Day 9

The wrap party is held at the villa where you’d been filming for the past week. All of the cast and crew members are present except for one glaring absence – Dieter Bravo. He’d left the set faster than Óscar could even announce it’s a wrap. In full costume, no less.

Javi has to do something about that. Dieter’s a brilliant actor, that’s undeniable, but his public image hasn’t been positive lately. Hunger Strike helped him sweep the awards season, and if Dieter could be a little more professional, Javi wouldn’t mind pushing the campaign for his work in this too. He’s lucky he physically resembles Javi a little… As long as Javi keeps writing self-insert characters into his scripts, Dieter will always have a job waiting.

The dinner part of the party is over – people are scattered around the garden mingling and draining the last bottles of champagne and making plans for the few days off until work resumes in London.

“Óscar,” you sit down between him and Javi. They have settled on the chairs they dragged to the corner to overlook the sea while they drink and smoke. “I’m gonna go with those guys. They’ll drive me back.”

Your head nudges towards the group laughing boisterously on the steps of the villa. Some are crew, some are your co-stars that you’ve been working with since the start of the production, and some are new local actors hired just for the duration of the shoot here. They’ve made such a tight knit group you’re surprised that they even asked you to come along at all.

“Taking the party elsewhere?” Óscar asks.

“Yeah… we’re going to Saint-Tropez.”

“We could go with you. If you want.” Javi carefully masks his hopeful tone.

“We’re gonna hit up some clubs...”

“You’re way too old for that.” Óscar slaps Javi on the shoulder.

“Right,” Javi drinks the rest of his cognac in one gulp and pours another, since he’s not going anywhere tonight by the looks of it. “Might displace my hip on the dance floor or something.”

You laugh. “You’re good. It’s just… I never went out with any of them, so… could be fun.”

“Oh my God, go, we’re not your parents,” Óscar shoos you. “Just be on the boat on time tomorrow. And ask the others, too.”

“Will do, Dad.”

Javi chokes on his drink and Óscar snorts. He gets up when the cinematographer and boom operator drunkenly call for his attention. “Have fun, kid.”

“Take care of yourself. Don’t drink too much.” Javi says once Óscar is safely out of hearing distance. He didn’t see you drinking at all during dinner despite the free flowing alcohol and now he suspects it’s because you’ve planned on going all out for the after party. He doesn’t mean to be controlling, but he’s supportive of your intention to cut back and he doesn’t really trust that party crowd to look after you. Not that he thinks you couldn’t do it yourself, but it would give him a peace of mind if you were going to be inebriated.

“Yeah, don’t worry about that. I just feel like I should go. They’re my castmates. I haven’t spent much time with them, or even at all.” All thanks to the man sitting across from you, but you have no regrets. “And, you know, networking.”

“We both know you don’t have to worry about that anymore,” he grins. “Where are you going? Do you know yet?”

“No, but probably something really cliche like Les Caves or VIP.”

“Is Elise coming too? I don’t see her.”

“She left. Like ten minutes ago. Don’t ask me how I know and don’t tell anyone, but she’s following Dieter.”

Oh, shit. Javi’s eyes go wide.

“Hey, don’t ask.”

Javi is incredulous. Is he that oblivious to even his actors now? He’s on set most days and he always keeps a closer eye on them to anticipate any on set drama. He’s known them both for as long as he’s been in the industry and he usually could get a good read on these things. Takes one to know one. Maybe he’s really been that distracted.

“What about Ross? Is he coming with you?”

“Yeah. Why?” A coy smile slowly forms on your lips.

“Nothing. I heard he asked you out.” He looks away from you into the distance.

You fake a gasp. “Were you eavesdropping on me?”

“He was pretty damn loud about it.”

“Then you know I told him I have a boyfriend, right?”

“I thought so. The way his face fell. If only he could emote that well on camera.”

“Javi! That’s mean!”

“You know I’m not wrong.”

He’s right. You might be new, but you figured a while ago Ross couldn’t have been cast for his talents but rather his heartthrob status for maximum PR.

“So who’s the boyfriend?” Javi playfully side eyes you and you nudge your knee to his. “Can’t be me, too old for that.”

“Uh huh. Let’s see…” You pretend to think. “Man-friend? Lover?”

Javi groans and makes a face.

“Ooh, I know,” you look at him seductively. “Daddy.”

“Careful.” Fuck.

“Wow… I…” your eyes widen. This is definitely interesting. “...can’t wait to explore that.”

“It only sounds hot coming from you.”

Your breath catches in your throat. “Any cute nicknames for me?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” He throws you a teasing glance. “You could’ve found out an hour from now, give or take.” You look at him in question, so he continues. “I have a whole surprise planned – had.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“‘Surprise’ being the key word there, babe.”

“I could tell them–”

“No, forget I said anything. Go have fun.”

“But–”

“Honey. We can’t exactly hang out with each other’s friends, so when you have the chance to be with them, you go, okay? I’ll be fine.” He might be seeing things but he swears he sees your eyes tear up… with relief. Why do you need permission so badly?

“Okay. I’ll see you later?”

“I can’t promise I’ll still be up. I’m ooooold.” He leans back on his chair, taking his time to admire you in your low cut dress under the guise of having a casual, professional conversation.

“Hm, so is it your idea or Óscar’s to go to the casino tomorrow? That’s some old people shit.” The lightness comes back in your tone.

“Noitsnot.” Javi answers too quickly.

“Yeah, right. Looking forward to playing the jackpot?”

“I’ll have you know I’ll sweep you at poker.”

“If you say so. I’ll make sure to wear something interesting to distract you.”

“That’s cheating but I’ll allow it.”

“And meanwhile,” you shift so he could get a better look at your cleavage. “Think about what could’ve happened if you’d told me your plans first.”

“Ah, so my usual thoughts. That’s easy.”

“Yeah, mine too.” Your voice drops to a whisper. “I didn’t come last night, daddy.”

He suppresses a groan. “Jesus fucking Christ.”

“I had to. You made me so wet.”

“I offered to take care of you, baby.”

“I know. That’s why I didn’t come. I wanted to wait for you.”

“Fuck.”

“Well, now we’re even. See you tomorrow.”

You get up and leave to join your friends, leaving him hard and wanting as he pulls out a new cigarette.

✧✧

Day 10

You are positively trying to kill him today. As if the thought of you touching yourself right under his room wasn’t enough to make his balls about to explode, now you’re lounging in the red one piece that drove him crazy a couple of months ago. He tries hard, very hard, to look at literally anything else. He hopes no one notices how long he’s been ‘taking pictures’ of the oceanic view.

And it gets worse. When it’s time to dress up to the nines for the night, he puts on a light blue suit jacket, but you… you go beyond what you promised. You arrive last to the casino and in that moment, it’s as if everything in the room stops. It stirs something in him too when he sees people checking you out as you walk past them.

“You look so handsome.” You tell him once you’re close enough. Óscar had gone straight to the high rollers table upon arrival, taking a few crew members on his dime. But Javi’s content with sitting around nursing his drink, waiting for you.

“This isn’t fair.” He gives you a quick once over.

“You like it?” You’re not usually one to wear something so revealing, but Javi makes you bold. You were saving this up for a proper date with him back in London, but there’s no time like the present. You can’t even be shy about showing so much because you need to elicit his reaction.

“It’s fucking fantastic.”

“You should see it on the floor.”

He drops his head and sighs heavily, then he points his drink towards the slot machines. “One round and we’re leaving.”

“What happened to poker? Are you chickening out?” You challenge him.

“No, but it takes much more time.”

“Excuses, excuses…” From here, you can see Óscar in your line of sight. “Why don’t we leave after he wins? Then he’ll be busy with the next round to notice us, right?”

“That’d be a while. He sucks.”

“Go and help him, then. Oh, how are we getting back?”

“We’re not. I’m getting us a suite.”

“I don’t know about that. It’s a lot less private around here. People talk.”

You’re right, and logistically it’s more difficult to explain both of your absences for the night and potentially tomorrow morning. The yacht isn’t an option, either.

“Let’s Uber, then.”

“Yeah, we can’t do that. It doesn’t work here.”

He studies your face while he calculates his options. “Sit tight, I have an idea.”

✧

The ‘idea’ turns out to be buying a fellow gambler’s car with his winnings. Of all things you expected to happen today, finding yourself in the backseat of a Pagani was not one. Javi was a few hundred thousand short but he didn’t think the guy cared that much. From the way he had been gawking at Javi and Óscar since they walked in, he probably would’ve given it away for free. His immaculate taste in cars was just a nice bonus. Plus, the color matches his suit.

“I just have to send his kids some signed merch and arrange them a tour of the Beskar set. Great deal, huh?”

“You billionaires are weird.” You shake your head in amusement.

He starts the car and the revving attracts a few passersby. “What did you tell Óscar?”

“That I’m tired and everyone else is busy having fun. He didn’t even blink.”

“Let’s hope they’ll keep him occupied ‘til tomorrow.”

The two of you ride in silence, enjoying the vast view of hills and sea, away from the city lights. Javi is relaxed and concentrated, and it gives you a warm, calm feeling seeing him this way.

“It’s been a long time since I drove a sports car. This is a vast improvement from the last one, though, definitely.” He looks over to your side, clearly enjoying his time. “Better looking passenger, too.”

“Pfft, come on! So cheesy.”

“I’m serious… It was with Nic.” Javi says with a chuckle. “You should’ve seen how everyone was looking at you.”

“Can’t say I noticed.”

“Hmm-mm. They were.”

“Did you like it? Or were you jealous?”

“Maybe. Maybe not.”

“I get jealous when I see other women checking you out. I’m not too proud to admit that.”

“But they don’t hold a candle to you. So don’t worry.”

“Same here. Don’t want anyone else.”

You caress his arm up to his shoulder where he turns his head to give your hand a kiss. Then you lightly travel down to tug at the buttons on his stomach, then his belt, then the zipper of his pants… you let out a soft moan when he involuntarily bucks towards your hand. Feeling brave, and to his surprise, you cup him over the material and he lets out a heavy groan.

“Behave, baby. You keep that up and we won’t make it there.”

“Okay, but drive faster. Feels so heavy, Javi. I want it all in me. Make it fit.” Turning him on turns you on.

His hands on the steering wheel turn white. “Fuck yes baby you’re gonna take it. Wearing that dress like you’re begging to be fucked. I knew everyone in there pictured your bare tits.”

Oh. Your jaw drops. That’s… unexpected. You squeeze him in response and he immediately takes away your hand to clasp it above his knee.

“You’re so fucking naughty. Teasing me every day.” Javi’s deep voice drops a few more octaves and it makes you squirm. “What happened to waiting, hm?”

“I can’t. I’m tired of fingering myself to sleep, every night.”

“Yeah? What did you think about when you did it?”

“Yours in me… mine aren’t thick enough, Javi,” you sigh from your own admission. “Your tongue. Feeling your mustache on me. You stretching m–”

You gasp when Javi suddenly grips your hand tightly. You’ve never seen Javi look this intense before. His nostrils flare, his eyes darken, and his breathing becomes so heavy you can hear it in the silence.

“Want you fucking my mouth, daddy,” you continue, making him grip you again to the point of almost hurting.

“You–” His mouth forms into a snarl. “You’re gonna kill me.”

You bring up his hand that grips you to run his thumb along your lips to nibble on it. You do the same to each finger, eyes looking at him putting all his effort into concentrating on the road ahead. He finally turns his head when you slip his middle finger past your lips to the knuckle, giving it a languid, sensual suck. A teaser of what’s to come.

“Fuck, baby. You have to stop.” Javi lets out a moan as he focuses back on the road and you keep swirling your tongue around him, rubbing the underside back and forth as if it were–

You have an idea.

You hope you won’t crash and die on these hills.

Your other hand makes a quick work hiking up your dress and your mouth lets go of his finger and you guide your hand and his between your thighs and–

Javi lets out an angry growl when his hand meets your soaked panties. “You get this wet from talking?”

“It’s you, Javi…” He starts rubbing you through the material and you throw your head back on the seat, moving your hips along with his movement.

Then you have another idea.

You recline the seat, shimmy your ruined panties off, and drape your leg over the console to spread yourself open. The cold that hits you is nothing compared to the warmth of his massive hand so close to your center. Javi’s eyes look like they’re about to bulge out of their sockets. He can’t see you clearly in the dark, but he can definitely feel your wetness on the leather.

“Please, Javi… I don’t wanna wait.”

Javi mutters something under his breath, his one hand on the wheel shaking. He didn’t plan on doing this here, or even tonight. He was going to surprise you with a private dinner the other night, and tonight he only wanted to take you back to the villa just so you could stop pretending you’re just coworkers when work is already done - for the time being, anyway. He thought it would be PG at best, but… he’s not complaining. But he’s driving, and he’s thisclose to losing control.

But on the other hand, is your exposed pussy begging for his touch. And Javi’s only a man.

So Javi decides to be a gentleman and give you what you ask for. He starts by running his hand over your mound, groaning at the smoothness. Then he moves his hand further down and spreads your wetness over his hand and yourself, fingers parting your lips along the way. You don’t dare to look down because even a mere glance of Javi’s hand working on you would make you come, you’re sure of it.

But you do anyway, just as his finger starts to rub your clit in circular motions, making you fall back on the seat with a loud moan. He continues and puts more pressure as you squirm and writhe, restrained by the seatbelt across your torso, keening sounds filling the small space.

He wishes he could watch you. Maybe he should pull over, get you off, then drive again after you’re both satisfied? But he really doesn’t wanna do it in a car that hasn’t even been his for an hour. You deserve better, somewhere more comfortable, even when you’re so desperate now.

Luckily the GPS says they’re only 5 minutes away.

5 minutes too long.

“Javi…” your pleading moan takes him back into the situation at hand, and he gets the hint. You need more.

So he gives you more. His middle finger prods your entrance and enters you without warning, making you bite your lip in pleasure. Your two that usually keep you busy on many lonely nights is nothing in comparison to his thick one. His knuckles on the steering wheel go white when you clench around him as he tries to find your spot without even looking in your direction.

3 minutes.

Should he, or should he not make you come? It’s fucking hot, seeing you grip the armrest and your toes curling, hearing you loudly cry when he adds another finger, the squelch of your pussy equally as loud as your wanton moans to his ears. DRIVEDRIVEDRIVEyouresocloseDRIVEsoclose

The GPS doesn’t even get to announce your arrival before he carelessly parks the car in the driveway. His fingers leave your core to your dismay and he doesn’t give you a moment before pulling his seatbelt off and lurches on to you, grabbing your face in a passionate kiss and smearing your wetness on his fingers on your neck.

“Javi…” you try to get a word in between kisses. “Let’s– let’sgoinsidebaby–”

Reluctantly he pulls back from you, eyes as dark as the night. With a heavy sigh, Javi exits the car and helps you out, your panties forgotten on the floor.

✧

Javi opens the front door and doesn’t even get to turn on the lights when a moaning sound from somewhere inside freezes you both.

“Óscar…?” Javi tries, as much as he knows it couldn’t be him. The moans persist and turn into groans. “Uh… stay here. Call security, please, honey.”

“NO!”

“Dieter?!” Javi says incredulously to which the man answers with another groan. You close the door and follow Javi to the living room.

“Hey, man. Sorry to crash.”

Dieter is passed out on the couch, hair strewn in every direction, barely dressed in a pair of boxers and a wrinkled green bathroom robe. He’s holding a corked bottle of wine that threatens to slip out of his grasp that he clearly struggled to open with his bare hands before. By his feet is a spilled, empty glass of whatever he was having and an unlit joint that already burned a hole through the velvet material. It’s a shitshow.

“How did you even get in here?”

“I climbed. Your security is shit.”

“Yeah, thanks. Why are you here?”

“Why are you so pissy?”

At that moment, you come into his view and Dieter’s reddened eyes stare at you quizzically before noticing your smeared lipstick… and your see-through front that you try to cover as much as you can with your very small clutch.

And then he has the audacity to drop his gaze onto Javi’s tented lap.

“Oooooohhhhh. No fucking way. You’re so dead.”

“Hi… Dieter.” You try to meet his eyes so he wouldn’t look anywhere else, particularly your… private area.

“Holy shit. Does Óscar know?”

You glance at Javi who keeps glaring at Dieter in anger. His patience is running thin.

“Dieter. What. Are. You. Doing. Here?”

“I got high and Elise threw a fucking fit because I was balls de– I was with my PA. Don’t look at me all judgy like that. You’re also tapping this hot piece of a–”

“Shut up!” Javi barks. “Don’t talk to her like that.”

“Chill the fuck out, Javi.” Dieter rolls his eyes and gives you a salute. “Great dress… beautiful dress.”

“Stop.”

“Okay. Damn.”

“Go back to your room, Dieter.”

“Can’t. She’s in there.”

“That’s your problem.”

“You go and fuck each other’s brains out. I’ll sit here and be quiet.”

“Out, Dieter. I give you ten seconds. Ten.” Javi starts counting.

“Really?”

“I’m getting a drink.” You announce to no one. Luckily there’s a throw blanket on the nearest chair and you’re able to swiftly cover yourself in it.

Dieter gets up and stumbles right behind you to the kitchen. “Great idea!”

“Hey!” Javi’s growl echoes throughout the house and he stalks after Dieter, grabbing him by the collar of his robe. “Nine.”

“Let go of me, man.”

“I’ve had it with you, Dieter. You got arrested, you ran off set, you mess around with my crew–”

“Oh and that rule doesn’t apply to you?”

“No, it doesn’t. I make the rules.”

“Yeah? I thought Óscar does.”

“Eight, Dieter. Watch it.”

“Hey, I never asked.” Dieter smirks at you. “How old are you? Twenty?”

“Four years ago, I was.” You tell him nonchalantly at the same time that Javi says “don’t answer him.”

Dieter looks over his shoulder at Javi and barks out a mocking laugh. “You have one year to leave him for Leo. Nice.”

“That’s it, we’re done.” Javi’s grip tightens on Dieter’s robe and he starts to drag him back out. All this male posturing is really wearing you off. You can’t take this back and forth between them anymore. This was supposed to be a fun night for you.

“I have seven more, don’t I?”

“Just… let him stay, Javi. I’m tired anyway.” You let out an exaggerated sigh and fill up another glass with water and put it on the kitchen island, motioning to Dieter that it’s for him. You bury your face in your hands, softly massaging your temples while Javi goes to stand by your side with his back facing Dieter. You reach out until you find his hand and you squeeze it softly, silently assuring him it’s not his fault.

The three of you stand around in silence while Dieter sips his water and Javi eventually stops clenching from anger. When he’s done drinking, Dieter finally looks like he knows what guilt is.

“Sorry for ruining your night.”

“Hmm.” “No shit.” You and Javi reply in unison.

“You two gonna tell Óscar about this?”

“None of your business.” Javi turns around to face him with a finality in his tone. “And whatever is going on with Elise, sort that out before we’re back to filming.”

“I don’t have any more scenes.”

“Yes, you do.”

“I’ve told you I’ve taken up that other job.”

“What other job?”

“Cliff Beasts.”

You snort and raise your head. “Cliff Beasts? Really?”

He shrugs. “Money’s good.”

“Use that for rehab.” Javi snarks.

“Who else is in it?” You sincerely wonder. You were too young to watch the original in theaters when it came out, but the franchise keeps getting more and more ridiculous with each sequel. You keep up just to understand the memes, like everyone does.

“The entire old cast is coming back. Even Carol Cobb.”

“Cool. Love her.”

“And new people your age. They keep telling me they’re from TikTok. What’s that?”

“Don’t worry about it.” You dismiss his question. He should stay in the dark about that. The world doesn’t deserve to witness Dieter’s shenanigans on that app.

You rinse your glass and pat Javi’s arm. “I’m going to bed.”

Javi watches you walk away and waits until you close your bedroom door before he scolds Dieter. “You saw nothing, heard nothing. No one will know about this.”

“Okay.”

“One slip up and I won’t vouch for you anymore.”

“Okay.”

“And you’ll be gone tomorrow morning before we’re up. Sort your shit out.”

“Heard you.”

Javi leaves him to go up to his room and he hears Dieter call out a thanks when he’s halfway past the stairs. He has no energy to acknowledge it.

✧

And gone before they’re up, he did. Óscar didn’t even see him when he finally got back around 7 AM and the rest of the day was spent shuffling around to pack. Javi had to arrange the shipment of the new car he acquired too. There was no time to talk about last night, or talk at all, because Javi’s private plane was already waiting on the tarmac for whenever they’re done and ready to leave.

Óscar is passed out from hangover across from him while you occupy the front of the plane. Busy on your phone, as usual. From his position he can somewhat make out an Escher-looking game. There’s only 30 minutes left before the plane lands in London and he has about 15 before Óscar wakes up.

“So,” he moves next to your seat and speaks in a whisper. “Where are you going after we land?”

“I have to check into my hotel. Why are we whispering?”

“Do you want to just stay at mine? For the rest of the shoot?”

It’s very tempting. But logistically it’ll only call attention to you. You can’t exactly get away with staying at the producer’s house for an entire month. It’s bad enough that Ava knows and now Dieter too. “And tell my PA what?”

“That you’re renting your own place? Staying with a friend?”

“They need to know where they’re picking me up every day.”

“That’s easy. I’ll drive you.”

“Yes, that won’t be suspicious at all.”

Javi sighs in defeat. You’re right, again. Óscar stirs in his seat and Javi waits until he stills again to propose his solution. Except Óscar doesn’t and is fully awake now and asking if they’re there yet.

“I’ll text you,” he mouths.

✧✧

London, three days later

What he proposed in the text didn’t come into fruition. He’d told you to check in, repack your necessities, and he’ll pick you up to go to his place. Only go to your hotel when you need new clothes. It’s not a bad idea, but it doesn’t matter anyway because you didn’t even get to unpack before Javi informed you that he’d be busy and couldn’t pick you up.

So you’ve been staying in your room, alone, since you got back, flicking through the script for next week and for a new series Javi sent you this morning. “Ten episodes, HBO. Whichever role you want.” You didn’t have the heart to tell him that it turns out acting doesn't interest you that much and someone else would be more grateful for the opportunity. He also told you he offered Dieter the same project, who accepted it on the spot. But Dieter needs to complete Cliff Beasts first before this starts production, so you have time until then to tell Javi.

Who is now calling you. You pick up on the first ring.

“Hey, baby.” His voice sounds tired and it’s barely dark. He’s been occupied with meetings and prep, hence his absence. “Wanna go for dinner in an hour?”

“I just finished eating room service. We could go for drinks, though?”

“I don’t wanna be buzzed. I need to be up early tomorrow,” he lets out a heavy sigh. “I miss you.”

Your heart aches, knowing the effort he puts into his work and how much it means to him and Óscar. You know how badly he wants his production company to be on par with the big league studios. You know how much thought and research and passion he puts into each of his films. All of that doesn’t even count running his family business on top of everything too - the legal one, the only one that still exists. It hasn’t been the same since a new guy took over from his ex and because of that Javi has to be more hands on in every decision making, or so he told you.

“Miss you too. Where are you right now?”

“Amsterdam.”

“Wait, what?!”

“Didn’t I tell you this morning?”

Definitely no, you would’ve remembered. “No, but– why?”

“Business stuff. Anyway, I’m about to take off.”

“Okay, umm…” You try to think of an idea quickly, still dumbfounded by the new information. “Why don’t you… come over tonight?”

“I’m just gonna disappoint you, babe. I’m so tired.”

“Oh, yeah, I don’t mean– we don’t have to– just have dinner here and sleep. Like, sleep sleep.”

There’s silence on the other hand as Javi thinks it over.

“Yeah. Sure. Okay.”

Two hours later, Javi rings on your door and you open it in your underwear and a loose t-shirt that doesn’t go past your waist. The way Javi’s eyes widen is so comical that you’d laugh if he didn’t immediately slam the door to pick you up and carry you to the bedroom, his lips finding yours as he does.

“Should’ve brought you with me… missed you so much.”

You whimper as you try to pry open his buttons.

“I really can’t, baby…” He pulls your fingers off him, kissing each one before he lets go and rolls over onto his back.

Next thing you know you hear his soft snores. His feet dangle from the bed and he’s still very much fully clothed.

You give him a chaste kiss and pull the blanket over your bodies and fall asleep too.

✧

You wake up to the soft buzzing of a hair dryer and a ring of the doorbell. The room is dimmed and it’s still dark outside. You get up groggily to get the door and walk past the dining table filled with freshly prepared breakfast. Neat.

There’s no one outside when you open it, but an inconspicuous brown paper bag sits on the floor with a note attached that addresses the package to a ‘Mr. José Estrada’. What…?

“That’s for me, babe.” Javi comes out of the bathroom in a towel folded up to above his stomach and his hair uncombed. It’s… adorable. You’re still not awake enough to appreciate it and merely raise your eyebrows at the name on the bag. Javi shrugs and takes the package from you. “Clothes. Just to be careful. Mornin’.”

He leans down to kiss you but you turn away, muttering about morning breath. He snickers and goes back in to change.

Javi is still in the living room having breakfast when you emerge again, freshly showered too. He’s in a pair of slacks and a white half-buttoned shirt, like he just got home from work instead of going to it. He looks too devastatingly handsome for this early. He guides you by the back of your knees to sit on his lap and you definitely, definitely wobble.

“What are you doing today?” You ask him while he peppers kisses on your neck.

“On set for half the day. Then I’m free.” He pulls back to stroke your cheek. “Stay at my place tonight? I’ll cook you dinner.”

The implication is clear in his eyes.

✧✧

Of course you didn’t get to find out what he was going to cook for you. What is it with the universe conspiring against you having a wholesome, uninterrupted night with this man? Okay, maybe that’s why, because you’re not really aiming for wholesome. Instead of his house, you’re at Carlotta with him and a few of his celebrity friends, including Dieter and Elise. It’s been three hours and the chatter has gone cold and the wine warm.

“...maybe it’s just like a month off? I don’t know what the big deal is.”

“Apparently the other unions are considering it too.”

“What else?”

“Directors, Writers, Visual Effects, who knows what else. It’s gonna be chaotic.”

You don’t even care what’s being talked about anymore. Someone needs to get the bill before smoke comes out of your ears. You know you didn’t have to be here, of course, but you didn’t want to wait around in your room either and you were hungry. Javi had called you from set to let you know about this last minute dinner that someone arranged in the guise of business networking. Óscar still had scenes to direct and told Javi to go on his own. He knew Javi had nothing to do for the rest of the day. And Javi couldn’t exactly tell him he actually had plans with you.

You weren’t pissed initially - you were enjoying yourself, even. But the two smartly dressed thirty-something women four tables over who have been eyefucking Javi for the past half hour? The statuesque former VS model who sent him a negroni and her Ritz room key? That’s not even his drink of choice, you sneer in your head. Nice try.

You’re not jealous of them, no, Javi is going home with someone at the end of the night and it’s not with any of them. But the way he looks right now and the way that he’s wanted, turn you on so much. That pisses you off. Because this dinner couldn’t finish soon enough.

“I’m gonna drop by Loulou’s after this, you wanna come?” Elise asks next to you. “Ross is already there.”

You look over to Javi… who is signing the check, thank fucking God.

✧

Neither of you even made it to his house last night.

He’d barely parked his car, that ostentatious blue thing, in his driveway when you climbed over the console to sit on his lap.

“Thank you for dinner,” you murmured into his exquisite neck, leaving a mark with your teeth. Tacky, you knew.

“You’re the only one who’s ever said that to me,” he looked at you with a hint of wistfulness. You felt a pang in your heart at his confession.

“Of course I’m grateful, Javi.” You kissed him softly while you twisted the curls around the nape of his neck. “I’ll show you how much.”

Then his phone rang.

And it was Óscar telling Javi to go to his place for last minute rewrites, again.

So regretfully, he had to drop you at your hotel on the way. And naturally this morning you woke up really, really annoyed.

“You know what, this is ridiculous.” You call him over lunch. Room service, again.

“I agree.”

“We should clear out our schedule.”

“Let’s do that.”

“You know I mean yours, right?”

Javi sighs. “I know. I’m gonna sort that out right now. How was your sleep?”

“Eh. I’ve had better. Yours?”

“Shitty. I passed out on the floor.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah. I’m getting a massage as we speak.”

“On set?”

Javi grunts and you snort in jealousy.

“Tell you what. Book a res–”

“Absolutely not. It’s never gonna happen if we go out, Javi. There’s always… something. Like… some kind of weird divine intervention.”

He giggles from the other side. Actually giggles.

“Don’t laugh, I’m serious.”

Which makes him fully laugh. “I’ve cleared out my week. I’m all yours.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“Daphne’s or Clos Maggiore?”

“Or.”

“Baby. Come on.”

“Let’s just… have coffee or something casual. That always works for us. Right?”

✧✧

It finally works. You spend the afternoon with him watching a movie at the Electric (and he booked out the entire place) and when you both couldn’t stop fooling around in the theater anymore, you make a run for the car.

“Yours or mine?”

“Yours. You wanted me in your bed.”

Javi wastes no time speeding to his house. It’s not a long drive, but Javi makes the most of it. He snakes his hand up your dress and rubs your inner thigh, making sure his knuckles brush along your clit while he’s at it. It drives you crazy, and by the time you arrive at his house, you’re already a panting mess.

He leads you up the stairs and into his bedroom, and you realize you haven’t been in it before. It’s not much of a difference from the room you’ve slept in aesthetic-wise, but it’s much bigger. Easily twice the size, plus a balcony with a small garden and a door that you assume leads to the bathroom and you don’t care what else because his lips are on yours and his hands are all over you as he walks you to the bed, pinning you down on it.

“I had better plans than this.” He croons into your ear and sucks a spot under the lobe.

You sigh into him. “It doesn’t matter now.”

Javi kisses along your jaw and lightly nips your chin. You grasp his shirt in surprise and he presses you deeper into the bed, making you even closer to him. His weight almost suffocates you, in a good way.

“You look fuckable in this, but it has to go.” He hooks a thumb under the strap of your velvet slip dress, your jacket long forgotten in the car. You nod, giving him permission, and he slips it past your shoulder, then past your tits still covered in a lacy strapless bra, then finally past your hips while he kisses the trail of exposed skin along the way. Javi groans loudly when he’s eye level with your crotch and he sees that your matching panties are soaked and that it’s a fucking thong.

“You are so pretty.” Javi kisses your mound over the material and hooks the string of your barely-there thong between his fingers, as if he’s contemplating whether he should take it off or take you in it. He grabs your thigh and slightly angles you to the side, tracing slowly to the one string swallowed between your cheeks, and his hand lands on your ass with a smack.

“Ah!” You exclaim in surprise and Javi takes the string just to snap it back on you with another light smack.

“Fucking pretty all over.”

“You haven’t seen anything yet.” You say breathily.

“I know, baby.” Javi murmurs in between mouthing and biting on your thigh and kneading your ass. You’re too busy sighing out your pleasure that you don’t see his other hand about to palm your mound under your panties until you feel it. Javi takes his mouth off of you and sits back on his knees to watch you squirm under his touch.

“Javi…”

“Yeah, baby?”

“I need you.”

“Hmm.” Javi continues grazing his fingers down to your lips, intentionally avoiding where you need him the most.

“Javi…” You fully lie on your back and spread your legs apart. “Take it off.”

Oh, how he’d love to. “I’m gonna take my time, honey.” Javi cups you over your panties and moves his palm up and down your pussy, spreading your wetness on yourself. “You made me wait. Now you wait.”

“Please, Javi. Touch me–”

“I am touching you.”

“I need you, please–”

“Love hearing you beg, baby.”

“Please please please–”

“Please what?”

You’re reduced to whimpering and you buck up your hips to meet his grounding palm. Your arousal is dripping even more now and it drives him crazy that you, the most beautiful woman that he’s ever laid eyes on and he’s wanted since that night in November, is on his bed. Begging for him.

Frustrated, you take the initiative to undo the front clasp of your bra. Javi stops his movements the moment he sees them and you swear his mouth drops open a little.

He’s had several ideas of what they would look like but his imagination doesn’t compare to the real thing. Yours are the perfect size for his hands and so soft under his touch. He runs his hand up between your cleavage before leaning down to take a nipple in his mouth. You writhe under him, arching your back as he nibbles and laps on it and kneads the other one.

“More,” you groan.

“No,” he growls against your soft flesh.

“No?”

“Be patient.” You let out a cry when he bites your underboob. “These are so pretty, baby.”

You moan and tangle your fingers in his hair until he finally takes pity on you. He kisses the valley between your breasts before capturing your lips and you wrap your arms around his neck.

“Javi,” you whisper in between his hungry kisses. “I need t– I need to come.”

“Same here.”

“Touch me.”

“Where?”

You guide his hand and let it rest between your legs, grinding onto his hand again.

“Use your words, baby.”

“Just make me come, Javi. Do whatever you want with me.”

Desperation drips from your words and not only does it make him harder than before, it makes him smug too. He sits up on his knees, taking you in spread out on his bed with a hazy fucked out look on your face. And he technically hasn’t done anything yet.

He undoes his cufflinks and pushes his sleeves up his veiny forearms. There’s something about the motion that makes him even sexier to you - and it makes you feel that way too. He pries open your thighs further and lowers his gaze down to your still covered pussy. You’ve dripped down onto his bed and he groans at the sight. He takes the strings between his fingers and slowly peels your thong off, much to your relief. He chucks it over his shoulder and drops onto his elbows.

“You are the most fucking gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen.”

You’re about to raise your head to see his face but before you manage to, you feel his tongue on your pussy.

“Oh, FUCK! Oh my god. Javi–” You grab a fistful of sheets under you as he slowly runs his tongue from your clit down to your entrance, and licks around your opening and tries to stick it into you. No one’s ever eaten you out like this before. It was usually one or two pathetic kitten licks before they get up and dangle their dicks in front of your face. No one is as thorough as Javi, who makes you feel his mouth and whiskers in spots of you that you didn’t know existed.

You don’t realize that you said it out loud until Javi suddenly stops and looks up at you with glistening lips… and mustache. You feel a fresh wave of wetness flooding at the sight. This is what you’ve been imagining every previous night before.

“Seriously?”

You don’t know if he’s confused or upset by what you said. Either way, you need him to go back to what he was doing. “Yes, Javi, please don’t stop.”

“You’re telling me you don’t usually get eaten out?”

“No, uh, not like this. Never like–” Your own moans cut you off as he goes back to pleasuring you and you cry out when you feel his nose bumps your clit. You’re lost in this new feeling. It’s true. Never like this.

But with Javi? Javi is enjoying himself. He eats you out like he can’t get enough and he can’t get to all parts of you that he wants to taste. He’s slow enough for you to feel every movement his tongue is making, but he picks it up at the right pace when he feels that you need more. You feel his hand slowly squeezing your right boob, and then your eyes fly open when he suddenly puts a thick finger in you. You let out a high pitched moan and buck up to his lips.

“Fuck yeah. Be as loud as you want. You perfect little thing.” Javi shallowly thrusts it in and out of you. “Yours really didn’t fill you enough, huh?”

No. No, they didn’t. Javi’s one finger fills you so well you wonder how you’re gonna even be satisfied with yourself ever again after this. He hits the spots you never reached and makes you beg, and beg, and beg for more.

So he gives you more. He starts sucking your clit at the same time that he adds another finger into you. You don’t know what kind of noises you’re making anymore but it’s deprived enough that Javi groans into your pussy and the vibration and his hot breath make you keen even more.

“Javi… faster, baby.”

“You’re not gonna come from my hand.” Javi says as he rolls your clit with his tongue.

“But I’m close.” You whimper.

“I know. You’re so tight, fuck.” Javi raises his head to look at his fingers going in and out of you. They’re slick with your juices and he feels you pulsating around them whenever he drags them out, as if to keep him from not being inside you. “Think you can take my cock? Hmm?”

You gasp out a moan and he retracts his fingers completely. You’re getting too close to the edge and he doesn’t want you to come like this, no. Not by fingers or his mouth. He wants to feel you around him when you do. But that doesn’t stop him from tonguing you again and massaging your clit with his thumb until you’re panting and tugging hard on his hair that it hurts. Before you could go over the edge, he climbs over you and cages you in his arms, his mouth once again on your tits and smearing them with your wetness from his lips.

“Javi,” you grab his face in your hands and stroke his patchy, graying beard. “Please.”

You claw at his shirt, trying to open his buttons with trembling hands. He’s still fully clothed and it’s not fair. You manage to get the top two but then he untangles himself from you to stand at the foot of the bed… to rummage through his drawers.

“Fuck, uh… um… fuck.” Javi reaches into another one, turning it inside out, and starts rifling through a spare wallet he finds inside. “I don’t have condoms. Wait here. I might have some downstairs.”

You crawl over to him and stand on your knees, continuing to open his buttons. “I’m on birth control, Javi. And I haven’t been with anyone, so…”

Javi looks at you with his doe eyes, filled with lust, while you shrug his shirt off him. Are you saying…?

“I want you bare.”

Well, fuck me. If Javi weren’t already hard as rock before, then he doesn’t know what this is now. He’s never been bare with anyone since… who cares. It doesn’t matter. Nothing else matters except you asking him to fuck you raw and now you’re palming him over his pants and literally, the world could be burning at this moment and Javi wouldn’t give a shit about it.

“Want you in my mouth, daddy.”

“No,” Javi groans painfully. There is no way he’s surviving tonight. “I’ll come on your face if you do that now.”

“Want that too.” You pepper him with kisses across his chest while you undo his belt and unzip his trousers. When you finally lower his pants along with his boxer briefs, your mouth waters. He’s bigger than you thought he’d be when you grabbed him in his car last week. You need him in you, right fucking now.

But first thing first… he’s gonna pay for not making you come. You’ve been so desperate since the theater and by the looks of it, he’s no different. The head of his cock is an angry red and leaking with precum. You swipe it clean with your tongue and Javi’s hand immediately finds the back of your neck. You take his hard erection in your hand and start to jerk him off slowly, building a pace that you know will drive him mad. Javi has his eyes closed and his eyebrows furrowed deep, holding back from thrusting into your hand.

You lick a long stripe from his balls to his tip and elicit a low moan from him. It’s addicting, listening to him. You do it a few more times until you feel his fingers curling on you.

“Javi…” You let go of him and kiss your way up his stomach instead. He involuntarily sucks in and opens his eyes to you slipping his cock past your lips. He doesn’t stop you. The groan that comes out of him is so sinful it’s going to be permanently etched in your brain. His hand on your neck finds your ass and kneads it when you start working him slowly with your mouth. You gag a little when he hits the back of your throat. He’s a lot to take in; you don’t even get to the hilt, and you count your blessings for that.

You’re suddenly pulled away with a pop. He’s throbbing and from his breathing, he doesn’t look like he’s going to last long.

“You’re so big, Javi. Does it feel as good as it tastes?”

You start to take him into your mouth again but he grabs your arm to haul you to the center of the bed. He settles himself on you, rubbing up and down your opening with his cock. You start to meet his movement but he pins your hips down, restricting you.

“Come on, we’ve waited long enough,” you whine.

He lets his weight fall on you completely and hums his answer with his face pressed against the crook of your neck. He keeps thrusting on your pussy and you’re so, so, so close to sobbing from need.

“Javi,” you whine again into his ear, arms clinging to his broad form.

Javi sits on his knees, watching you writhe underneath him. If he doesn’t come within one minute of being inside you, he’ll consider it a miracle. It’s his own fault for dragging it out this long and now he’s the one moments away from exploding. It’s worth it because you’re so fucking beautiful being all needy for him.

He grabs you closer by your calves and wraps your legs around his waist, cock notched right at your entrance. Javi pushes forward and the sound he makes when he enters you is the hottest thing you’ve ever heard. He works his way in slowly, letting you accommodate his girth. It’s a painful yet exquisite stretch.

You’ve never felt this full in your life. You’re not without experience, but the way Javi is filling you is something else. It’s not just his size, although that is a big part of it. It’s the way he’s gazing at you with so much tenderness. The way he’s moving as if he’s worshiping you with every stroke. The way he’s savoring this moment that you two have been waiting a ridiculously long time for. Your heart is full of–

“Baby. I don’t think I’ll last long.” Javi says with a strain in his voice. He’s holding back, with this languid (honestly, lazy) pace and he’s clenching his hands so hard you can see the veins in his forearms protruding.

“I don’t care, Javi, just fuck me.”

He groans and starts to build a pace, gripping your thighs open. You throw your head back and hold on to the pillow closest to you. Javi’s eyes are glued to your tits bouncing by the impact of his thrusts and he tries to think of something, anything, except for the way your perfect body is responding to him right now.

He remembers what you said about being essentially celibate since your last relationship and he doesn’t fight his curiosity. There’s a primal side of him that needs to know and the thought of your pathetic past conquests should buy him a couple more minutes, right?

“How long has it been for you, honey?”

“Mmmmm…” You roll your head back in pleasure, seemingly not hearing his question.

”When I ask something, I want an answer, sweetheart.”

“Two years? Mor–”

“Fucking unbelievable. This pussy should be fucked everyday, fuck.”

He curses between hard thrusts. Your mouth drops at his dirty talk and his pace increases to full on pounding. It doesn’t work. The thought of nothing having been inside you except for your own fingers and now him for that long is awakening something feral in him.

You yelp. “Oh fuck yes, Javi…”

“Yeah? You’re gonna let me fuck this everyday?”

“Whenever you want. Please.”

“You’re so needy.” He looks down to where you’re joined before grabbing your ass and driving into you even harder. “So needy and sloppy and so. fucking. tight.”

The moan you let out is downright the filthiest thing he’s ever heard. And you? You barely hear his deep, delicious voice over your own moans and the sounds your bodies make. You can’t do anything but take, take, and take. You wish you could reciprocate but what leaves your mouth is only a blabber of cries and whines.

“You want to come?” Javi’s question snaps you out of your daze.

“Please, baby.”

“Then touch yourself and come.”

Javi pulls out of you and you gasp from the sudden emptiness. You sit up to reach for him but he moves further to the edge of the bed, his hand fisting his cock and pinching the end slowly, trying not to lose it.

“Javi, what the fuck?” You exclaim in despair.

“Let me see you touch yourself, babe. Come like that or not at all.”

“Oh my God, Javi.” You fall back on the bed in frustration. There is no way this is happening. “No…”

“Come, and I’ll fuck you again.”

You start reluctantly touching yourself slowly, hoping he’ll take pity on you and take over again. But he stays where he is, looking at your face, not even your body.

“If that’s how you touch yourself, no wonder you’re unsatisfied. Come on, make yourself feel good.”

You groan in defeat and he chuckles at you amusingly. Fine. You dip two fingers into your pussy and start moving them the way you usually do, and your other hand drops to your clit to rub it with your index finger. Your peak is approaching in no time, between your own familiar movements and watching Javi watching you. You start to arch off the bed when you’re close and suddenly your hands are taken off you and you’re flipped onto your hands and knees.

Javi thrusts back inside you from behind without warning and resumes pounding you in earnest. “That’s right baby, take it… like you wanted… so fucking good for me…”

You come with a silent scream and Javi lets out a pained moan from you fluttering and spasming around his cock. His hands grip your waist to the point of almost hurting and he keeps steadily thrusting into you to seek his own release while you ride yours out.

He pulls you up against his chest by wrapping his arm around your tits and keeps hitting that devastatingly delicious spot inside you. With a few thrusts it starts you up again and you grind back on him, feeling the bump of his stomach on the small of your back with each contact. You look over your shoulder at his face and see that he’s in absolute bliss, but there’s something else there that’s a little bit… off. You don’t get to think too much about it once his fingers reach down to your clit and you start to tighten around his cock again, your hand reaching back to grab at his curls.

“I’m coming, sweetheart. Fuck. Come with me. Come with me, honey.” Javi’s pace grows desperate and he’s so deep, so right inside you that you beat him to it. You shudder in his arms, going limp, but he doesn’t let up. “Tell me where.”

You sigh dreamily while you catch your breath. “Anywhere you want, daddy.”

He pulls out and pushes you lightly to get back on your hands and knees and spills himself on the small of your back and between your cheeks. You lay down flat on your stomach, evening out your breaths, inhaling in the mixed scent of the two of you.

It takes Javi a couple of minutes to collect himself before he kisses along your shoulder, up to your neck, your jaw, and finally your lips.

“You’re so fucking good, babe. Tightest pussy I’ve ever fucked.”

You giggle tiredly and lean onto him, welcoming his kisses while he cleans you up with his discarded shirt. “I need a drink. Then I want to ride you.”

✧

For the next four days, you barely leave the bed except to eat or use the bathroom. Just like Javi had promised. He didn’t get to cook dinner for you yet, because it’ll take too much time away from being inside of you. Everyday it’s like clockwork: one of you wakes the other up with your mouth, followed by breakfast in bed, or vice versa. Then shower, where he eats you out - he insists that he’s making up for your lost time. In the afternoons, Javi does some work while you read scripts or his books or nap. Then dinner, followed by fucking each other to sleep. Sometimes you interrupt him mid-task or wake him up in the middle of the night just because. And repeat.

It’s pure fucking bliss.

✧✧

“Javi. Fuck.”

“What’s up?”

“Everything is shutting down. Everything. Where the fuck are you?” Óscar’s voice sounds panicked through the phone.

“I’m on leave, remember? What do you mean?”

“Strike, Javi. It’s all over the news. We gotta reschedule everything. We’re not even allowed to do anything.”

Javi swiftly opens his news app and sure enough, Óscar’s right. How did he miss this? Oh, right.

“Javi!!!”

“I’m here.”

“What do we do?”

Javi thinks for a moment but absolutely nothing comes to mind. This is completely novel for him. “We’ll figure it out. How long is this supposed to go on?”

“Two weeks. A month tops.”

“So there’s nothing to do. Keep everyone around, keep everyone updated, the usual.”

“We can’t, Javi. We’re not allowed to. We should just let them go for now, go see their families. They can’t be employed right now, same for us, by the way.”

“Dammit,” Javi runs a hand over his face. He’s only ever shut down production once, during The Last Sicario, when a rival family member felt misrepresented by his depiction of them and sent death threats to him and the crew. “Call it. Keep me posted.”

“Sure. One more thing, have you heard from our little starlet? I tried calling her all day, and her PA couldn’t reach her either. Her hotel said she’s not there.”

“Staying with a friend, maybe?” Javi feigns cluelessness.

“Can you try her? Let her know we’ll help her figure it out while this is going on.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Thanks, hermano.”

Guilt overcomes him once he hangs up and looks at you sleeping soundly, and naked, next to him. He’s betraying the closest friend he ever had and there would be no coming back from this if he found out.

✧✧✧

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cheemscakecat · 17 days

Text

Y’know, I don’t usually talk about ships I dislike, but this is one I haven’t seen criticized.

So the Gravity Falls fandom is riddled with bad ships, ranging from “Ah yes, let’s ship the victim with the demon that abused them” to “Incest between 12 year old twins is so great”.

Which would explain why all the effort of criticizing ships is going to those infamous ones and not any others that might be less ugly by comparison.

Heck, that note to Mabel in journal 3, saying Bill would have thrown Dipper’s body off the water tower was probably the creator’s way of saying “Stop shipping Dipper with the demon Dorito.” She’s terrified of that thing from trying to get Stan over his fear of heights, and Bill ended the letter by asking if she wanted to join Dipper at the bottom.

StanChez is the lesser evil ship I’m talking about specifically. But keep in mind, I’m a Gravity Falls fan, not a Rick and Morty fan, so my knowledge of that show is from video essays and osmosis.

It’s not on the same level of awful as saying Ford and Bill should be a couple after watching the man get chained and electrocuted.

Or well drawn incest between the two main characters, who are based on the show creator and his sister.

But StanChez is toxic. And I’d like to explain why on Stan Pines’ behalf, because he deserves better. And I also don’t think they’d get along for more than a few days.

Reason 1: Rick is a different level of Criminal

People seem to gravitate towards this ship because Stan and Rick are both criminals and bad influences on those around them, but it’s more surface level than you’d think.

The most we know about Stan’s kill count is that he killed a llama and Bill. And in his words “that llama had it coming”. Other than that, his main crimes are swindling and conning, with tax evasion through false identities.

But if a state full of angry people goes after him, his response is to run away and start a new fake identity. Not attack the people he conned or the police. And even though his bad products gave people rashes, they never crossed over into something truly heinous.

youtube

He also tries to befriend other criminals and attacks them out of self defense, and not intent to kill. Stan knows how to fight, but his intention is very rarely to kill, and that’s a healthier mindset to have.

Rick is in the habit of ruining versions of earth with his experiments, and then running off to take his own place in another dimension instead of staying to try and help. That’s not running away from a minor con like Stan, that’s leaving billions of people to die, over and over again.

Rick is also in the habit of killing people who are an inconvenience to him, whether they pose a real threat or not. He’s so used to killing on sight that he doesn’t bat an eye at making Morty take someone’s life.

Stan is a different kind of bad influence than Rick that isn’t as heinous. Not by a long shot. Dipper and Mabel may have to go on a character arc where they stop swindling people, but they’ve never been taught to kill or maim. They’ve never watched Stan murder people and ignore their distress when he does it. Or been forced to bury a body.

Dipper and Mabel may become worse because of Stan, but it’s nothing so serious that they’ll never recover. But Morty? Morty is in a very toxic situation where he’s been traumatized and started to go numb inside.

Reason 2: Stan’s self esteem

Stan has a lot more in common with Morty than you’d think. He was always “the dumb twin” and “the screw up”. Sure, his Ma tried to negate his father’s terrible words, but one of his parents still made him feel hated and useless.

For goodness sakes, it was Filbrick kicking him out as a high schooler, telling him to come back when he made a fortune, that set him on the path of greed!

It’s also Filbrick’s terrible parenting that made Stan try to be tough with Dipper and favor Mabel, the way Ford was favored.

Stan’s self esteem is much lower than it looks on the surface, and prolonged exposure to Rick would only make it worse.

You see, Rick doesn’t explain what dimension they’re going to, what to look out for, and what’s safe before bringing Morty on an “adventure”. They’ll get there, Morty will start asking because he doesn’t know, and Rick will drunkenly call him an idiot and barely explain. But Morty is supposed to be the stupid one for it.

Rick also favors Summer, Morty’s sister over him. Even though he’s been dragged along on these traumatic adventures much longer.

Say what you will about Stan being a bad influence, but at least we know he does it out of generational trauma and still cares about Dipper. Instead of being harsher on him for no reason, Stan sees it as teaching him to be tougher by making him do chores.

Rick is just playing favorites. And he’s also well known for talking down to Morty’s dad Jerry for being stupid. To the point fans only recently started to see through it and respect Jerry as an embarrassing but happy normal person.

If Stan started hanging around Rick, he’d be talked down to and compared to his smarter twin once again, but this time by the “smartest man in the multiverse”. He doesn’t need another toxic influence to stomp on his self worth.

Reason 3: Think of the children

Stan never replaced anybody. Yes, he had the wax Stan, but he wasn’t calling it Ford. My theory is he was practicing what he’d do with Ford once he brought him back, and the wax funeral was him remembering that Ford might have died.

Stan is known for letting the kids go off on their own, but he also tried to convince them that the supernatural wasn’t real to protect them.

And when he saw they were in danger, he fought the undead to protect them. Most of the time, he just doesn’t see that they’re in danger because they’re off on their own.

He cares about Dipper and Mabel and Soos and Wendy. Heck, he even gave Gideon a pep talk in the shrink ray episode. Do you honestly think he’d be okay with cloning one of them if they died? Or worse, stealing some other Stan’s family in another dimension?

He was looking for his Ford, not a random one from some other timeline. If Dipper was thrown off the water tower, or Mabel snapped away by Bill, Stan wouldn’t be able to forgive himself. And he wouldn’t be able to replace them. The same goes for Ford, Soos, and Wendy.

So imagine him finding the Morty cloning facilities at Rick’s Citadel. And Rick trying to gaslight him into thinking it’s better to leave the evil Ricks to clone and kill as many Morty’s as they want, because it keeps them distracted. Or finding out about Rick replacing himself in other dimensions without telling the family?

Y’all remember that Dipper asked Ford how he knew Bill, and he said:

“I’ve encountered many dark beings in my time, Dipper.”

I bet the reason why Ford was erased with other memory tubes is because he found out about the cloning and got angry with Rick. Because despite his issues with Stan, he still remembers the little boy getting mistreated by his father.

Needless to say, Stanley wouldn’t be approving of all this either, once he knew Rick was a monster. But if Rick wouldn’t listen to “the smart” twin and erased the interaction, he’s way less likely to listen to poor Stan. Because he’s well used to talking down to people when they confront him or disagree with him. And if he’d do it to his own family, he’d sure as heck do it to Stanley.

So yeah, those are my reasons why StanChez is a bad idea/doesn't work. This isn’t going to become a series or anything, I just thought it was worth explaining.

#Gravity falls #shipping critique #weird ships #character analysis #Stanley Pines #This is NOT a Stancest post. Or a pro-StanChez post #Youtube

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espresseo-cafe · 2 months

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life is still beautiful | johnny | ch.10

genre: cappucino, romance, angst, university!au, dad!au, drama, slice of life

pairing: collegestudent!johnny x fem!reader

bean count: 4.4k+

a/n: back with another update 😗🤎 note: this is only a work of fiction, it doesn’t reflect the artists’ personalities in any way.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

repetitive, humiliated, hurt. all the negative emotions you had back in june after your parents ghosted you that night all came back after five minutes of conversation. you thought you had it all under control, confident that you could face them without breaking down.

it backfired so bad.

the cafeteria doors opened as you stormed out, startling johnny and your friends. you ignored their calls for you, running away from your problems once again. johnny turned to them, pressing his lips. “sorry guys, movie time will have to wait. we can schedule it another time.”

taeyong and kun knew what their friend wanted to do, yet told him that it was best to leave you alone for a while. however the thought of how much you mean to him outweighed it. yeri and sana also knew some parts of your life and how you wouldn’t open up on something very serious to anyone, but to yoohyeon and recently to johnny.

they all knew of johnny’s situation with minji- how complicated it was getting but reminded him to not prolong it and talk to you about where your relationship was actually going to.

it’s funny how johnny was the eldest one among them and still asked for his friends’ views on his current indecisive self. when they gave a nod, he sprinted right behind you.

“i hope she’s okay.” mark said, and his eyes just fell to yeri, who was holding her tears. “hey, you good?”

yeri blinked her eyes, “y-yeah, i wish i could do something for her. i feel useless.” her back suddenly felt warm, the warmth from mark’s hand caught her off guard. “m-mark! not here.”

“what?” he chuckled and looked to the others, “i think we should let them know.”

yeri clicked her tongue, they’ve been dating since the confrontation they had with their bullies, “you and your wrong sense of time. ah my waterworks are suddenly gone. let’s go for dessert.” pushing him away, walking towards the campus entrance.

“aw but you’re so cute like this.” mark winked.

“shut up.”

johnny wasn’t sure how long you were running after to you turned to a corner, a dead end. his arm reaching for your hand, tugging you closer to him. “y/n! talk to me.”

“leave me alone, johnny.” you said, trying to break off his hold on you. “please.”

“not when you’re like this..” his voice had a little crack. he held your shoulder, turning you to face him gently. he fixed the hairstrands off of your view so you could see him clearly.

he noticed how you were heaving again because of your parents, a scene he dreaded to see so soon. he gripped the inhaler pump that was in his pocket, bringing it out. you took it from his hold, used it and you felt slightly better.

you cried, your arms already damp from your tears. never had you expected to be crying again. “i didn’t expect to have an outburst like that, i’m sorry.”

“don’t be.” he squeezed your shoulder, “you said what you to had to say. it’s hard to keep it in.”

“i’m tired of running, johnny..” you sniffed, “i feel so numb..”

“i know, you can feel numb at times like this, it’s hard to put up a front..” never had you heard someone encourage you to be vulnerable. “can i say something?” you nodded at his question, “don’t let it be; don’t allow it to be your norm.”

hearing him say that made your lips uncontrollably quiver.

“that’s the point, johnny. i’ve been jumping through numbness and feeling that i’m getting so tired of not knowing on how i should view them as.” wiping your eyes, looking at him that listened to your cries. “parents are meant to be my home. but the times where i have to face them, it’s like i have nothing to return to. how can they just let me go like that? i wanted them to call out for me..”

johnny hugged you, and his perfume weirdly calmed you down. he placed his hand on the back of your head, pulling your figure closer to him. “if i were the place you return to, then i’ll never let you go.”

he probably didn’t notice and unconsiously so, you felt like his lips touched the top of your forehead. you had a lot in your mind to be thinking something out of this. you just appreciated johnny for being here at your lowest moment.

“then.. can you hold me like this for a while?” you say, your arms wrapping his warm body tighter.

“mm, i will..” his thumb felt damp from the touch of your tears, wiping away any sadness evident from your face before enveloping you into his arms one again. “i’m here.”

he felt like home.

he felt like a fresh breeze of wind on a hot summer’s day. he felt like a warm cup of coffee on a cold winter’s night. he felt like drizzles of rain on dry land. he felt like a zap of lightning that awakened something your chest.

it was one that made your heart beat erratically, and you didn’t know how to deal with it.

———

johnny’s parents insisted you stay the night after having dinner at their place. you politely declined and said it’d be a hassle to even have an extra person.

knowing johnny’s mom, she was irresistable and very convincing that it was difficult not to reject. a trait johnny inherited and it was obviously working when he playfully did puppy eyes at you. “please? we’ll have movie night?”

chewing on the last bits of food, you wiped your mouth, then drinking your glass of coffee empty. “and you think that’ll work on me?” referring to his attempt of a cute convincing.

“ok if that didn’t work..,” he carried youngmin and placed him on his lap, “youngmin, on three. one, two, three.”

youngmin giggled at his dad when he pouted, his upper cheek dimples showing before the child looked at you as well, his lower lip coming out into a pout. “please stay.”

you snorted and struggled to swallow your drink, the water backfired and went straight to your nostrils. youngmin was funnier than johnny. the chair you sat on got pushed back that you coughed, though some of your drink got to your shirt and jeans.

“(auntie) spray nose.” youngmin laughed while pointing at you, making johnny and his parents laugh their asses off.

johnny patted your back, chuckling yet he felt bad for you. “you okay, y/n?” drinking his glass of soda.

youngmin leaned to johnny’s ear and cupped his hands in a whisper.

“daddy, auntie y/n is your babe.”

johnny’s eyes widened, coughing on his fizzling drink. “where did you learn that from, youngmin?” he whispered back in between coughs.

“auntie yewi, uncle mork.” he effortlessly said, and johnny’s eyes blinked in confusion, but he was so impressed to hear that this little toddler would probably be a heartthrob when he grows up.

“when did you hear them say.. ‘babe’?” he poked the small nose, clearing his throat.

“my birthday.”

johnny smiled in realisation, no wonder they stuck like glue recently. “uh huh.”

his attention changed from his son to you, who was wiping your eyes as it got teary. “i got an extra tshirt and basketball shorts that you can borrow. go get changed and we’ll watch a movie after.”

you hummed, also giggling at the funny situation earlier, “okay i give in.”

mrs. suh came out of the guest room; handing you a towel. “here, have a bath as well while you’re at it.” she turned to johnny when you walked towards the bathroom, “oh right john, we’re heading to your uncle’s place, we’ll be playing billards.”

“don’t tell me you both aren’t coming home again?” johnny asked in a shocking tone, though he knew very well his parents’ frequent night outs.

“yup, maybe.” his dad took his polo shirt that hung on his chair. “might have some beer pong too.”

johnny whined like a little kid, “man, you guys have it so easy. so unfair!” he then laughed, “i’m kidding, you guys have your fun. we’ll be having fun over here as well.”

you submerged yourself in the bath mrs. suh prepared before she left. the white tiled room slowly felt like a sauna, the windows and mirror fogging up as steam travelled around to empty spaces. this could open up your pores and the feeling was more than relaxing.

your eyes glanced at the sink, two cups filled with two toothbrushes each perked your attention. one cup had a larger toothbrush and one much smaller. it wasn’t hard to think it belonged to johnny and youngmin, a small smile creeping up your face.

it came across your mind, wondering how different johnny would be if he hadn’t had youngmin. would he still be the same johnny you knew? how was he like then? how his life was when it consisted just of.. him and minji? thinking too hard about it made you feel ridiculous for doing so.

you stood up and finished your bath, using the towel that was offered to you to pat yourself dry, and wearing the clothes johnny gave you. putting it on, it was then you realised: this was something couples.. would do.. slapping your cheeks lightly, you didn’t like how you thought things would mean something tonight. it just so happened you got your clothes dirty.

johnny’s ears twitched when he heard the bathroom door opening. the steam coming out and later your figure did. he swallowed his saliva in nervousness, why was he though? he shouldn’t be, but seeing you drying your hair with the towel and wearing his clothes that were obviously large on you made his ears heat up, shuffling on his seat on the sofa.

what is she being cute for?

“oh you got the area all prepared for movie night, nice.” you walked towards the living room that was filled with pillows and a few stuffed toys of youngmin’s on the sofa bed.

sitting down beside him, johnny stared at you making yourself comfortable, giving attention to youngmin who wanted to hug your arm. johnny didn’t mean to, but he again stared at how you wore his clothes and looked attractive in it. then his nostrils inhaled the familiar scent that made him hitch his breath.

she used my shampoo and shower gel.

johnny coughed to not make himself awkward. even if having realised his a gradual feelings towards you, he didn’t want to do anything to make you feel uncomfortable.

you looked at him, then you realised water droplets were dripping onto the sofa. “wait i’ll blow dry my hair, then we can watch movies.” fetching yourself to stand up, youngmin called your name and jumped on you like he wanted to do a piggyback. “ah youngmin!-“

you let out a shriek at the sudden weight and inconveniently lose your balance. it made you lean foward to johnny and he caught you on time- his hands on your waist and shoulder, which was good until you saw that your faces were inches away from each other’s. again.

the position was awkward, the gesture made it look like you were trying to make a move. you thought that johnny would be in discomfort that you were almost on top of him. that was the opposite when you noticed he didn’t break eye contact and held it longer than you expected.

johnny knew how you affected him since crossing paths at the dean’s camp. and that he meant it in a good way. though his friends meant the world to him as well, he was happy that you were also a part of it.

he didn’t know he was staring at you for a while until he felt his arm receive droplets from your wet hair. “t-the hair blower’s under the sink. we’ll wait for you to finish.”

“r-right, yeah.” you brought yourself up to your feet, “be back in a bit.” leaving and holding your cheeks together.

youngmin ran across the sofa towards johnny, “daddy kiss y/n?”

johnny actually smiled at that, and he was so glad he didn’t. you were too precious to him, besides, the feelings weren’t mutual. he stood up and walked towards the refrigerator, grabbing a bottle of his favourite red wine and two wine glasses.

“nice, i like red wine too.” he heard you say, walking to get one from him. “you good with your liquor tolerance? i know i am.”

he snickered at you, “i can hold my liquor, watch me.” he smirked at you, challenging a drink off.

“dad i want juice too.” youngmin reached his hands up. “me too please.”

the three of you sat and watched a kid friendly movie, youngmin choosing lion king as his favourite because he sang with most of it. obviously, he watched it a number of times.

“cheers?” he held his glass out to you, while you returned the gesture.

“i like how we’re casually having wine in the presence of a two year old, it’s fancy.” you twirled your glass, looking at youngmin watching the musical segment of ‘i just can’t wait to be king.’

“yeah but he’s so much fancier, he’s got a grape juice bottle from his favourite snack store. guess what? it’s limited edition.” johnny chuckled when youngmin raised his plastic glass cup as well.

“you’re kidding.” you feigned a gasp, “no wonder he’s all smug tonight.”

it took about two more movies until youngmin fell asleep on the large bean bag halfway through the incredibles. you and johnny were on your fourth or fifth glass of wine, seated on the carpet by the coffee table. still challenging each other on wine tolerance.

“think you handle one more bottle? ‘cause i know i can.” your face all hot but can still form a stable sentence, doing a bunny smile.

“nah you’re just a show off. i bet you can’t last this glass i’m pouring for you.” johnny’s eyes all droopy, cheeks red and words slightly slurring. “you can’t beat me.”

“wanna bet?” you shrieked, pointing at him, drinking the half filled glass in one go. johnny laughed stupidly at how you nearly choked and he followed suit to race you.

he caught up to finish his own glass, the two of you placing the glasses on the coffee table. “ha! told ya i’m a good drinker!”

“and i’m the show off??” you snorted, licking your lips, laughing at the irony. “they say if you’re a good drinker, you’re a better kisser~”

johnny did his signature monotonous laugh, his cheek dimples appearing just under his eyes. “are you inviting me, y/n? are you saying you’re good at making out??”

your sleepy eyes just blinked at him, you couldn’t make out what he said because your hearing was getting muffled. and you hated to admit that he was right, that you couldn’t last after the last drink.

johnny knew the both of you were already tipsy, just borderline sober and not close to being drunk. well, he couldn’t even think straight at the moment. he heard you mumble something but he himself couldn’t understand a single word you said.

he figured he needed to go closer to you, and he heard you mumble incoherent words. “can you say it clearly, y/n?”

“ha?” you bubbled your lips, looking at him. “speak louder, johnny.”

johnny leaned closer to hear you properly. he held your face with his hand, your lips puckering up at the pressure of his hold on your cheeks. “i said say it clearly-“ his eyes were at eye level with yours but he stared at your lips instead: all plumped and kissable-

“but i am saying clearly-” your sentence cut short when you fell forwards, all knocked out. and johnny’s tipsy self suddenly became sober in a second.

he was certain he wasn’t imagining it, he felt it. he felt your lips brushed onto his before you leaned on his chest, asleep. though he couldn’t move a muscle because youngmin’s beanbag was next to him and you were by his other side: a sandwich in between two precious beings. so he slowly closed the wine bottles and put the glasses under the drawer so it couldn’t break.

johnny thanked the heavens you weren’t the type to vomit when drunk as he adjusted his position, as well as making you comfortable on his chest/ shoulder. managing to stretch his legs and placed a pillow behind his head, leaning on the sofa as the sandman finally worked his magic to put him in dreamland.

keys jingled and the door slowly opened, johnny’s parents chuckled in amusement seeing the three figures in front of them, all cuddled up and sleeping soundly.

———

johnny’s been mindful than before. you knew he has been, and likewise, you were to him as well. he had always felt like warm fuzzy blanket. he was that comfortable to be with.

you could consider him as a best friend given with how close you both became. despite the fact you had a crush on him, you kept that space between you two as to not make things shift quickly.

the following days have been busy, your schedule’s been packed with projects, meetings with several professors, and other dean lister’s duties. final year had never been so stressful. you, johnny, taeyong, sana, and kun would be wrapping up your university life next spring.

meeting up with the rest was nearly impossible, and when you did, it was only during lunch or short tea breaks. one of you would leave earlier than the others for the next class.

you had accepted that things were changing rather quickly. though something at the back of your mind was knocking your head into the stress line. it was needle in a haystack at this point to find out why.

it was evident that everyone was busy. especially johnny, you thought. holding two different majors was challenging already. but you knew johnny and the way he did things. he was smart and handled his responsibilities really well that tripping over wasn’t even on his list.

maybe you expected so much from him? because all you could make out was that johnny felt distant, he rarely texts you good mornings, coffee later’s, or even all the best’s (if there were any quizzes and projects involved). you wanted to get to the bottom of it by asking him directly, and every single time you wanted to, the timing was just too off.

the only thing you could do was to just wait. you weren’t the type to put your nose into someone’s else business. you weren’t the type to feel entitled to anything- maybe except to your estranged relationship towards your parents.

speaking of them either way, they’ve been at the campus premises since your breakdown, according to the stuff you’ve been hearing from sana and yeri. you were in doubt until you actually saw your dad suddenly being a guest professor on economics. the other time your mom being a requested thesis evaluator or judge, if you will, at some of the pushed back seniors from the year prior.

you’ve made eye contact with them, and something in them felt different as well. you didn’t want to get ahead of yourself and think that all is becoming well. you also hoped that they weren’t doing all that just to get on your good side and then it was all actually just a front.

so you gave it sometime to think long and hard about. what if your cries were finally heard? what if their walls were finally broken down? what if you reached their heartstrings and tugged it down to soften their tough demeanours?

were all of your feelings and heavy words that day? you prayed that they were.

you then checked your calendar and journal for any outstanding tasks left undone. a smile you did only clarified that you finished everything on the list.

your phone lit up, seeing a text message from someone you never thought of receiving from. the partner you were matched with on loveclick.

[ dudekuma ] : “Hi @dandeliondreams! How’s it going?”

your eyes blinked at your phone, pulling a face at it as well. the heck is this username yoohyeon made for you? the app’s been iffy since you started using it. at least you didn’t have to download unnecessary updates anymore.

[ dudekuma ] : “i know we’ve been matched a few months back, but i was hoping we could talk properly now after the app’s not jammed.”

you carefully took your phone to unlock it, replying to this guy. it had been a few months since you last used it and you still found this weird.

[ you ] : “hi. actually.. i’m available. just finished studying.”

[ dudekuma ] : “studying? is the early childhood course that demanding?”

snickering a laugh, you thought this guy was very on point. he wasn’t wrong though.

[ you ] : “i guess you could say that. you’re a business major, @dudekuma? you’re really putting your major into use.”

[ dudekuma ] : “we’re getting to know each other, it’s normal hahah. listen, i could really use some advise right now.”

[ you ] : “sure, i hope i could help?”

[ dudekuma ] : “there’s this girl my friend really likes, but he’s not sure how to tell her because there’s someone in the way. he’s not really in good terms with that ‘someone’, so he’s kinda stuck with that.”

raising a brow, you questioned this person. what was he, a high schooler who never dated? but how could you say that when you yourself never dated as well? guess same feathers flock together. so you just went with what your guts felt.

[ you ] : “if your friend really likes her, then he shouldn’t care about that other someone and just tell her straight away. if he’s affected by that someone, then he’s not ready at all to face obstacles if he’s in a relationship. maybe there will be someone else better.”

it took a while for your phone to beep again.

[ dudekuma ] : “straight on. you’re good at this, experienced?”

[ you ] : “not really, it’s common sense tho.”

[ dudekuma ] : “ahaha, gotcha! well it’s nice talking to you for a bit. i gotta go for classes. if you’re ready to meet in person or for a date, just hmu here!”

[ you ] : “yeah, sure.”

exiting the application, your placed your phone on your chest and stared at the ceiling.

that was weird.

———

yeri stared at you texting away at your phone, like you’ve been using it more often than she was used to seeing. even if she was doing her facial routine with a face mask, she could see you smiling at your phone like an idiot through the bathroom mirror.

she hesitantly reached for her phone, shooting a text message to mark.

[🐢] : “babe? is johnny busy? 👀”

[🦁] : “babe, we’re dating and you’re asking for johnny hyung? my heart 💔”

[🐢] : “just.. answer the question, is johnny using his phone? 🤔”

[🦁] : “nope, he’s giving youngmin a bath. why? 👀”

[🐢] : “okay, ‘cause i think y/n’s using loveclick, like i see her on it all the time 🥲 did something happen between them?”

[🦁] : “not that i know of, i don’t stay here at their dorms, only if i need to babysit 🤗. maybe she’s just watching a movie or something.”

[🐢]: “ok, then. i hope she is though.”

[🦁]: “hey, we got nothing to worry about. for all i know, they’re in good terms. they’re just busy with their final year. we can’t assume anything.”

you giggled at your phone for rewatching friends, the show was such a stress reliever. you started season 1 just earlier this week and now you’re hooked to season 3. never gets old, you told yourself.

taking peek at yeri who officially decided to move in your and yoohyeon’s dorm, she was sure taking her time on her morning routine since the school’s on holiday for a few days due to staff development day. fall was closing in so they wanted to have time before midterms come along for the underclassmen.

a tab appeared on the top of your screen, a text message from johnny made you sit up, your stomach churning.

[ johnny ] : “hi y/n, i know we haven’t been meeting up much but i was hoping if you could babysit youngmin again this coming week? i’m kinda busy.”

[ you ] : “yeah sure, i could do that.”

[ you ] : “are you okay?

it took sometime for him to reply you.

[ johnny ] : “yeah, just a lot going on this school year🥲”

[ you ] : “okay. i hope you can get through it, besides, we’re graduating next year. a penny for thoughts? 👀”

[ johnny ] : “i’m good, thank you. i’ll drop youngmin off on wednesday morning, okay? 🙇🏻‍♂️”

[ you ] : “okay! i’ll see you both then 🤗”

johnny stared at his phone all blank. with all the things that was on his mind, he didn’t know why guilt was building in his chest. he didn’t deserve you at all. he was the type to convey his feelings through communication and he found that ideal to do in any relationship.

somehow, for the first time, he was left tongue-tied. he couldn’t find the right words to say. for the first time, he was stuck in a quicksand not knowing how to lift himself up. and he had never experienced something like this before.

“mr. suh? we’re about to do the ultrasound, the image will show on the monitor in a bit.” the ob-gyn’s voice entered his hearing, smiling as she held the transducer, placing it on minji’s stomach.

“baby’s all healthy.. and-” the ob-gyn continued to explain.

minji gave a small smile as she looked on the screen, looking foward to the baby’s image, listening to the heartbeat heard when it was spotted. she held johnny’s hand while at it, the action he hadn’t felt in a long time.

his eyes trailed to the person who initiated it. it made him clench his jaw, expressionless. he didn’t know what to feel, at least, at the moment.

it was bittersweet.

it was vague.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

taglist: @titanmaknae29 @joepomonerof @lovesuhng @studyingthemind @cheyehc @kyeomooniee @geysuuuuh @mrkleelvr

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sirenjose · 6 months

Text

Melly Backstory Analysis

Melly started out as a “commoner” according to her social status, as well as the talk about Melly’s home village in her 1st letter and the lack of money her family has. It is because of this need that her parents placed “such pressure” on her and called her an “old maiden”.

Calling someone an “old maiden” basically means Melly’s parents were commenting about her not having a husband. At least today, it’s usually derogatory (especially in a way as if they don’t think the person will ever get married).

Her parents though seem a bit… out of touch with Melly. They comment “but I cannot remember a single time anything ever caused you to become upset, ever since you were a child” while the villagers apparently better knew Melly, which was she was unhappy about what they were doing (the pressure and “old maiden” comment). If she’s been like this since she was a child, it seems there’s a good chance this is how they’ve always acted with her. This may mean her parents may have been fairly strict with Melly as she was growing up, not understanding her own interests and likes, prioritizing themselves, and at least not spending enough time asking or thinking about how she may feel or what she may want or think.

This is further emphasized with how they say “we just hope that you can marry well”. Their focus is having enough money and making sure Melly gets married. They don’t seem to have even asked her input on this, or even if they did, probably not in a super understanding way. There really isn’t any mention of what Melly may want. It seems she has to do whatever her parents ask or want of her.

So off Melly goes and becomes a maid at a manor. Once again we see further emphasis on how her parents are with how their first line in the letter is “Your father and I have been waiting anxiously for whatever you can spare this month”. This is before they ask for a word from her or to hear how she is. It shows what their priorities are.

I do wonder about “you can also send along a word or two as you did before”. She at least wrote back about going to marry the lord, but how often does she write otherwise? Makes me wonder if that’s how it’s usually been, even when she was growing up. She must’ve been a fairly quiet, lonely child, unless she spent most of her time away from her parents with the other villagers or outside of their home, which still implies stuff about her.

In any case, she tells her parents that she’s going to marry the lord of the manor (I wonder if this was the 1st time she’d spoken to them in awhile? If she doesn’t talk or write to them much I mean). Her parents, who did want her to marry well, were still shocked after hearing them. So it seems they didn’t expect her to marry *that* well. I doubt that means they didn’t have faith in her to do that well, but the thought did cross my mind anyways.

Melly says she’s been researching insects to have something to talk to him about. We know from Melly’s brief story in the first part of Ashes of Memory Episode 2 that her husband was a “renowned biologist” himself. So in that way, it makes sense for Melly to study insects to be able to have something to talk to him about and get closer to him. The fact her parents don’t understand how this should help shows the didn’t know anything about the lord of the manor Melly works under, even though “the other girls” from the village are implied to go work at the manor as well. Her parents did say they have “never set foot out side the village”, which sort of like with Melly kind of shows how they’re primarily focused on themselves, doing what they need to, and just keeping doing whatever works.

1 thought I had is, maybe Melly was already semi interested in insects before now, but even if she wasn’t, it was during this time when she really started wanting to be an entomologist. Having to study to be able to talk to the lord of the manor about something he also studied, as well as her conversations with him about the subject, probably helped grow this desire over time. It may have been because of this Melly finally discovered something that she enjoyed doing, not just something she had to do for her parents.

So much so she continued researching it even after her husband’s death.

Once again we see more of her parents’ personality when they talk about a good woman being 1 who does all the housework, manages the manor, and is from a good family. They want her to focus on her work, not on what they see is a risk to her losing her job.

To them, they just want Melly to keep doing her job, don’t step out of line, and don’t do anything that she isn’t told to do. I wonder, could we say Melly’s parents are the type who believe in “following the crowd” and “jumping on the bandwagon”? Doing what others are doing, not really trying something different or taking risks. Melly on the other hand seems the opposite. She wants to do her own thing, she wants more freedom, wants to follow her interests if she can, even if that means taking a risk.

Her parents seem to confirm this when they say they are “afraid that if you aim too high, we won't be able to catch you when you fall”. Though earlier before this they did also say they “do not have much to offer you”, which to me feels like they rely pretty heavily on Melly to do stuff for them.

I do still think they do love Melly, as they do say “we hope you can live the best life you can” and to not “sacrifice yourself for the sake of marriage”, but like I said earlier, they seem a bit out of touch with Melly’s interests and also want to play it safe.

It’s from here we get into Melly’s deductions. She does eventually marry the lord of the manor, who we learn is named Joshua Plinius, but it doesn’t remain a happy marriage. We know it ends with his death due to a rare but deadly species of bees.

Before then, we see her deductions mention “sleeping pills” (though we don’t know for sure who they were for. Melly is highly likely, if she wanted it to help her sleep if she was having an unhappy time with him, or maybe she wanted to sleep as a way to avoid him, or it’s possible she used it on him, if not the other way around), Joshua complains of her being “stuck in her own ways” (considering the title of this deduction mentions “individuality”, he may literally mean in her ways, as in her trying to do what she wants then let him tell her what to do, potentially if she wanted him to see her as an equal rather than beneath him. Maybe that’s also why she studied insects. To potentially prove herself, or maybe as she was studying and talking with him, she got the idea of trying to be his equal or just as good as him and have him acknowledge that), they get divorced, she’s seemingly invited to be a teacher, then we get into the lead up to her husband’s death.

Based on her thinking “How will I face the rest of my years with so much missing in my life?”, it seems to be Melly was tired of not being able to do more of what she wanted, of being restricted by those around her, and of being restricted. It’s soon after this she’s mentioned surrounded by bees (which could tie to the 1 that killed her husband) and then her stating “I know what will grant me eternal joy within my mind”. This, combined with her last deduction, should mean she likely made up her mind to kill her husband.

She did say her husband was “extremely meticulous” to his research and even “toward people”. If he showed a lot of attention to details, that could imply he was very particular about various aspects about Melly. He may have been demanding about the things he didn’t like, which potentially eventually wore Melly down until she felt she had to do something.

It is never explicitly stated that she killed him, but this seems the most likely option. Melly says she came her to find out about the bee that killed her husband, as the manor delivered to her a bee specimen that matched with the 1 that killed him. She says she came here to play the game in exchange for the manor owner giving info about that bee species and what caused her husband’s death. But it’s also possible that may not be entirely true.

She said her husband was “meticulous” and ergo that means being very careful. Maybe he was the type not willing to research something so risky or dangerous. Or maybe she in general researched stuff he wasn’t comfortable with, which then irritated him as we see in his deductions, but she refused to stop.

If we go with the idea she caused her husband’s death, and thus she’s the 1 who used the bee on him, rather than to learn about the bee and how her husband died, which she already knows, maybe she came because the manor knowing about that rare bee species implies someone else may have known what she did.

In Orfeo, Melly will leave if she learns you’re a detective or likes to reveal the truth of cold cases. She doesn’t want people to learn she murdered her husband. So, she’s coming to find out who knows and potentially silence them, or to do something for that person in order to guarantee that person won’t reveal what she did to the police.

Melly’s newest B-tier has the description: “With each passing day, the face beneath the veil became more and more unfamiliar, even to herself”. I don’t think she wants people to learn what she did, but I also think Melly is guilty to some degree about killing her husband.

She did start out as a poor but normal village girl, before becoming a maid and then wife of the manor owner. Her parents weren’t very understanding of her and were likely fairly restrictive. She couldn’t show if she was upset or unhappy, she just did whatever her parents wanted her to do. But based on her interest in entomology, I think to some extent she would’ve been happy as a regular villager. Which I think is reflected partially by how she hides her face. She doesn’t care if people think she’s beautiful. She just wants to focus on her research (which I think also partially developed due to growing up as a quiet, fairly lonely child due to who her parents were, so in a sense she’s also always been alone and this is just what she’s always known. That but it’s also likely she’s just the type to prefer the quiet and away from crowds.

Like Norton, I think she was mainly only interested in ensuring she had enough to provide for herself, but after that, she didn’t care about moving up to be the lady of a manor. What she’s wanted even more was freedom to do what she wanted and to follow her own interests and dreams (which is also funny as how that is just like Norton too, who we know only became a miner because his father was one. But similar to Melly, at least he did have an interest in precious ores and metals, which he has a chance to pursue as a “prospector” rather than “miner”, though that was only at the end after everything else). But she’s never been able to do so, first because of her parents, and then because of her husband. Like with Norton, she’s eventually worn down until she stops and thinks about how she’ll be able to live with herself after having missed out on so much and doing so little of what she’s always wanted to do. Everyone wants something from her, but she can never want something herself. Even when she’s finally found something she enjoys, entomology, her husband continues to not want her to have and individuality or restricts what she can do. Eventually she reaches her breaking point, when she decides to go through with a plan to kill her husband and achieve the freedom she’s always wanted.

But she’s very different from who she used to be. She’s no longer just a simple village girl. She’s also lost her innocence now that she’s killed her husband, even if it was because she felt she had no choice. She’s gained her freedom (both from her parents via the money by marrying her husband, and from her husband by killing him), but is she completely happy with herself?

I think like Norton, where he says “they were just unlucky” in his last deduction, in a way she may be trying to justify her actions to herself to help her deal.

As we see with her recent B-tier “Everyday Life”, she sees to hint towards this idea, considering she Is finding it hard to recognize herself, after how much she’s changed, both for good and bad. I wonder if another part of the reason she hides her face is because she’s not happy with who she sees in the mirror? She did want freedom from her husband and parents, so even if she doesn’t regret killing him, I do think she may have preferred it happen a different way. Like if they’d just given her some control, some ability to be an individual. But this isn’t a perfect world and people don’t always get what they want, just like Norton didn’t find gold even after going through 13 different mines.

As I said before, maybe it’s just me, but it feels like Norton and Melly have several similarities. Both didn’t have a choice with the life or environment they got, where they ended up, or what they had to do. In a way, it is both their parents faults for this happening. Then over time, they become so desperate they did something they maybe regret. In some part of their mind, they acknowledge what they did and that it was wrong, which is why we see both of them trying to justify their actions, which implies they both feel some amount of guilt, especially with Melly avoiding people and Norton avoiding the mine and being a miner completely (and both don’t want to talk to detectives).

If Melly has some feelings of guilt, I wonder if for now she’s trying to cope by avoiding thinking about it. Such as by immersing herself in her work, to give herself no time to think, and going out into nature, versus being in the manor where her husband died or even around people. Then there’s the veil she wears, which both may serve as a way to hide from people as well as herself and the person she sees in the mirror.

#idv #identity v #melly plinius #entomologist #idv melly #identity v melly #idv entomologist #identity v entomologist #sirenjose analyses and theories

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