#and I'm just so fucking exhausted and sad and emotional and I just want someone to fucking like and for me to believe them

[milo-is-rambling]

Oh okay I've now realized that my last group of friends has completely fucked my ability to form new close relationships or find myself worthy of interacting with people I perceive to be better than me (aka all people)

#just sitting here like :| #i know that feeling of like every time you lose someone in your life a part of you goes with them but I didn't realize how bad it was until #i got into a situation where I tried to make new friends and then it's just my brain wondering when they're gonna turn on me and I'll be #hated by a new group of people and I keep trying so hard to patch things up and make new friends and it's just like every time no one wants #to talk about anything that went wrong they simply want to leave without explanation or sympathy #i feel like I've been alone so long that I forgot how to be a person around other people #I'm wearing my person suit and just keep repeating 'be yourself' but I didn't fucking know who I am when I'm not completely alone drowning #out my thoughts with as much Pinterest music and stupid tv I can handle at once #like ugh I just wish I hadn't fucked everything up so bad with my last few groups of friends #i just want to feel like myself again and everytime i just barely start to feel like myself I find new friends and as I adapt to them they #leave and I'm alone again and I have to find who I really am all over again #why do I change for other people? i don't even realize I'm doing it until it's too late #ughhhhhhh #i am just exhausted #and my head hurts and I feel gross and tired and I want to cry and today is 75 days since my dad died and I've been thinking about him a lot #and I'm just so fucking exhausted and sad and emotional and I just want someone to fucking like and for me to believe them

[buccini555]

"𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐞..." — 𝐁𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬

Headcanons of how they would react to you wanting to end your relationship after they were rude or aggressive

H e a d c a n o n s

𝑭𝒕. Manjiro Sano, Sanzu Haruchiyo, Kakucho Hitto, Kokonoi Hajime, Rindou Haitani, Ran Haitani, Takeomi Akashi and Kanji Mochizuki

𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐣𝐢𝐫𝐨 𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐨

tw: threats, reference to emotional dependence(?), abandonment issues, manipulation and su!cide mention

Manjiro didn't mind taking out the anger he felt during his crises on you and he was very worried about ending up hurting you, despite that, he didn't want to and couldn't lose you, for that reason, he kept you under total control, even so, when you found the courage to put an end to that relationship, Manjiro was in disbelief that you really intended to leave him.

"No, you won't leave me, don't do this to me." He would shout at you while holding you by the arm, his words would become even more desperate, making the atmosphere increasingly tense between the two of you. "If you leave me... If you break up with me, I'll kill myself, do you fucking hear me?" Manjiro would say, squeezing your arm even tighter, once again, not caring that you was scaring you with such aggression.

"Don't leave me... Please... Don't leave me..." Letting go of you when he realized that he was already going beyond the limits, he would move away a little and remain begging more and more for your forgiveness and for you not to let him alone.

𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐳𝐮 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐲𝐨

tw: aggressiveness, extreme abandonment issues, victimism(?), manipulation and threats

Haruchiyo ended up being rude and aggressive most of the time because he was angry about something, despite that, in a way, he tried to maintain control because he really liked you in some way, when Sanzu realized that he was losing you when he heard you talk that he wanted to end your relationship, even though it made him angry and angry with himself for not having been good enough for you, one side of him wouldn't allow you to leave.

"I know it seems like I never cared about your love or that I don't care about anyone, but I love you, if you let me... I don't know what I'm capable of." Holding your face, he would speak as sincerely as possible while holding back as much as possible so as not to end up being aggressive towards you.

"Please do not leave me alone." Sanzu would kneel before you and insistently ask for your forgiveness, he really didn't want you to leave him, he wouldn't threaten you directly, however, Haruchiyo would fear ending up doing something against you.

𝐊𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐨 𝐇𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐨

tw: changes in behavior, kakucho continuing to be a sweetheart even though he's broken inside and indifference/coldness or silent treatment(?)

Kakucho was always kind and adorable, despite this, being part of one of the most dangerous gangs made him change almost overnight, making him colder and more impatient.

"In short, is it over between us?" Interrupting your speech, he would say when he realized that that dialogue was about ending a relationship, at that very moment, Kakucho just remained without any reaction.

"I respect your choice, since you want to leave me... Well, go ahead! But know that despite everything, I won't stop loving you..." As much as his true desire was to ask you not to giving up on your relationship, Kakucho no longer made a point of insisting on someone, he wouldn't threaten you and much less be aggressive, Kakucho would just treat you with total indifference and coldness even though he still made a point of showing his side that used to be affectionate and passionate.

"Hey..." The taller one would hold your hand. "Can I give you a hug before you go...?" Kakucho would ask, trying to look away as much as possible to hide the sadness in his eyes when he realized that he had truly lost you.

𝐊𝐨𝐤𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐢 𝐇𝐚𝐣𝐢𝐦𝐞

tw: impatience, exhaustion at work, "unintentional" aggression, extreme fear of abandonment, emotional dependence

Kokonoi was affectionate most of the time, despite this, the stress coming from his "work" really affected him, making him lose his temper with you easily on most occasions.

"What did I do wrong to make you want to leave me?" He would yell at you as soon as he listened carefully to you saying that the relationship had become unsustainable. "Wasn't I enough for you? Tell me!" For the first time, Kokonoi showed aggression at that moment when he put you against the wall, holding your shoulders while he continued speaking with a raised voice, leaving you completely scared.

"I-I'm sorry, please, I'm sorry..." Realizing what he was doing, Kokonoi immediately let go of you and hugged you, he didn't want to hurt you even though he was completely losing control.

"You can't do this... If you leave me... I, I can't let you go, I can't lose you too, you're all I have that's most valuable." Hugging you even tighter, he would say, being sincere in his somewhat desperate words, Kokonoi would beg until the last moment for you to remain by his side.

𝐑𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐮 𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐢

tw: manipulation, victimism, aggression, emotional dependence(?), threats and strong words

Rindou wasn't usually rude or aggressive except when he was angry, despite that, he didn't really care about ruining your feelings every time he was stressed about something, once he realized that you were really about to leave him, Rindou definitely didn't accept your choice, quite the opposite, he really wouldn't react well to the possible breakup.

"...What the hell do you think you're talking about?" He would turn to you with a tan lookI was as scared and would even say disbelieved in his words.

"Do you really think you can leave me like I'm nothing? Do you really think I'm going to allow that? Bitch, you don't know what I'm capable of doing for you!" Holding your arm in a way he never did, he would start yelling at you without worrying if he was scaring you or anything.

"If you leave me... I won't be able to live without you and I won't forgive myself for hurting you if you go, forgive me for everything, please." Begging for your forgiveness, Rindou would threaten you indirectly, he really wouldn't allow you to leave no matter what, he would keep you by his side at any cost.

𝐑𝐚𝐧 𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐢

tw: toxic relationship, manipulation, mention of aggression, victimism, false promises, threats and mention of dependence

It was not uncommon for Ran to end up being rude or aggressive towards you, despite this, he always ends up regretting it and going back to apologize, when you threatened to break up with him, Ran simply did not accept such a choice on your part.

"You want to leave me? After everything I did for you? I thought you loved me..." Ran would say in a dramatic way like he always used to do when you guys fought, despite that, when he realized the seriousness in his words , he would immediately change at the thought of ending up losing you.

"If you dare leave me, I won't forgive myself for what I'm going to do to you!" Putting you against the wall, he would hold your neck with force to make you look at his face, Ran would say in a tone of threat and distress, looking directly into your eyes to make you feel even worse.

"Never think about leaving me again, no one will ever love you like I do..." The taller one would kiss your cheek and start to caress your face gently, Ran would keep saying that he loved you unconditionally despite his actions.

𝐓𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐨𝐦𝐢 𝐀𝐤𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢

tw: alcohol/drugs mention, betrayal mention, strong words, petnames like "princess", aggression, victimism, threats and manipulation

Takeomi was never able to show the slightest bit of affection, only when he was drunk or drugged, most of the time, Akashi remained rude, not to mention the countless betrayals.

When you told him that you wanted to end that relationship, Takeomi simply laughed at you. "Are you kidding me? Stop talking nonsense before I lose my fucking patience with your annoying voice." He would say holding his arm, but when he realized that you really wanted to leave him, his posture would change immediately.

"I'm sorry, my love! I'll change, if you let me... Well, I won't mind punishing you, you know that, don't you, my little princess?"

Takeomi would let go of your arm and pull you into a forced hug, he would promise you that he would change to save your relationship but he would threaten you right away.

𝐊𝐚𝐧𝐣𝐢 𝐌𝐨𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐳𝐮𝐤𝐢

tw: kanji being an idiot, mention of aggression, manipulation and threats

Kanji was extremely rude to you most of the time, he rarely showed any affection, when you showed the first signs that you wanted to end your relationship, he ended up becoming even worse.

"You were the one who wanted to start this, weren't you? Now, stand by your choices." He would say as soon as he heard you asking to break up, Kanji wouldn't mind being even more aggressive with you because he was in disbelief in the fact that you wanted to leave him, at the same time that he still felt the slightest bit of feelings for you and didn't want to lose you. Mochi simply wouldn't allow you to remain in control of your own life.

"If you leave me, I won't leave you alone, so you don't want to pay to see it." He would say in a threatening tone holding your face making you look directly at him.

#bonten headcanons #bonten x reader #bonten sanzu #sanzu bonten #bonten mikey #bonten tokyo revengers #bonten #bonten ran #bonten rindou #bonten kokonoi #bonten kakucho #bonten takeomi #bonten timeline #bonten trio #tokyo revengers manjiro sano #manjiro sano headcanons #sanzu haruchiyo headcanons #ran haitani headcanons #rindou haitani headcanons #takeomi akashi #mochizuki kanji #tokyo revengers #tokyorev headcanons #tokyo rev #tokyorevengersheadcanons #tokyorev x reader #tokyorevengers #tokyo rev hcs #headcanons #tokyo rev x you

[fellthemarvelous]

Invisible scars

(TW: religious trauma)

Looking at me, you wouldn't know that I've survived religious trauma. The marks of religious trauma are seldom visible. In fact, I had no idea for the longest time that I had religious trauma (I thought it was a thing that happened to other people). I simply spent decades questioning the reasons I felt like I was so broken on in the inside. I kept trying to figure out what I was doing wrong and why I never felt happy or like I was never able to connect to anyone. I had no idea that my experience with the church as a small child is what shaped me into the anxiety-ridden, majorly depressed disaster creature I am today.

I spent 12 years learning inside of Catholic schools. It has taken me more than 20 years to process and deconstruct, and I am always going to be a work in progress. I was brainwashed into believing the very worst about myself, and I was always just beyond saving because I had the misfortune of being a woman in a church that taught us that women experience pain during childbirth as a natural consequence of Eve eating the apple, which is why they enjoy making us suffer in the first place. They taught us that Adam ate the apple because Eve seduced him, so even though Adam also ate the apple, his sin still wasn't as bad as Eve's because she did it first and used sex to get him to do the same. They placed the blame for Original Sin squarely on Eve and thus onto every single girl who entered the church. If a boy did something to me that I didn't like, it's probably because I did something to provoke him first.

Do you know what I learned to do at a very young age just to be able to cope with that?

I learned to use humor to deflect when I was struggling. I smile when I don't want people to know I'm sad. I laugh at inappropriate times, especially when I'm uncomfortable. I learned to bottle up all of my emotions because expressing anything other than happiness is bad. I learned to compartmentalize. I taught myself how to pull out the right emotion for the right occasion because I was always striving to be who I thought everyone else wanted me to be. It was exhausting.

In the midst of all of this, I'm trying to figure out which parts of me are really me and which parts of me are things that were put into my head. If you've experienced indoctrination, you know what I'm talking about. They pulled us apart as small children and placed us in specific boxes and told us that deviating from the norm was bad.

Crowley is a fallen angel. His change from angel to demon is drastic on the outside.

You know he fell and that his wings turned black and he ended up in a pool of boiling sulfur. It's the reason Crowley is so easy to sympathize with. He suffered unfairly because of arbitrary rules that deemed him unforgivable. He's accepted that part of himself. He's clever and creative and it has helped him find ways to get out of doing his job for centuries. Hell doesn't care how jobs get done just as long as someone does them, and at this point humanity is doing more to damn themselves than the demons are able to keep up with. They're tired and overworked. Hell is overpopulated even though it should be infinite in size. Crowley wants no part of that system because he sees it for what it is, just as he sees Heaven for what it is. He has the marks to prove that he is one of the damned, but that has given him all the perspective he needs to see that both sides are fucked up and toxic and "irredeemable" (just like him). He has yet to fully let go of the hold Heaven has over him because of how badly he got hurt.

Aziraphale is still an angel.

He never fell, and he doesn't know why. He has lied to God. He has lied to Gabriel repeatedly. He lies to protect Crowley. He lies to protect humanity.

Remember, Crowley and Aziraphale started off in the same place.

They both started off as angels who were created to do God's bidding. Aziraphale is the one who told Crowley what he'd heard about everything shutting down in 6,000 years. He was simply trying to make conversation. He didn't think it was something Crowley would object to. Angels were just supposed to go along with God's plans, but Crowley had a different opinion and was vocal about it. Where did Aziraphale get his information in the first place? Why does nobody ever ask this question?

Aziraphale knows Heaven is toxic. He's not blind. We need to move past this idea that because he still has love for God that he doesn't know Heaven is fucked up. He never fell, and it's something he still fears because who the hell doesn't fear the thought of eternal torment, especially if you know it's real? God has never cast him out of Heaven though and he doesn't know why. It's probably something that hangs over his head like the Sword of Damocles.

Letting go is not an easy task. Aziraphale has always been an angel. He didn't have his identity ripped from him the same way that Crowley did. Crowley had to adapt to a brand new way of existing because he was cast out of Heaven.

Crowley's trauma is evident on the outside. Aziraphale's trauma is hidden on the inside. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't there.

Crowley was an angel and then he was a demon, but he doesn't want to be labeled as either.

Aziraphale has only ever known how to be an angel. He's only ever known the ways of Heaven.

I'm only in my early 40s. It has taken me 20+ years to undo 12 years of religious abuse. Aziraphale is immortal. He and Crowley have abandoned their jobs, but four years in the space of millions isn't a lot. No one overcomes indoctrination in four years. Especially when you had millions of years of blind obedience indoctrinated into you. It simply does not work that way no matter how much you want to believe it can.

It has taken me more than two decades to learn how to stop hating myself. I still have no idea how to love myself, but it's something I'm trying to learn.

My entire identity was wrapped up in what the church told me it would be. Once I fully denounced it and all organized religion, I found out I had no idea who I was. No one had prepared me for a life outside of this one very specific identity and role that I was expected to fill based on a very specific box I was placed into.

I still struggle with black and white concepts. It's hard to unlearn when you have no other basis for comparison, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. It means that these changes do not and will not ever happen overnight.

The fall didn't just affect the demons though. It affected the angels as well. Look at how tightly wound the angels are. They're always trying to do the good thing, but they have no idea what that actually means, and you realize this when Uriel asks The Metatron if they had done something wrong. They are scared of making mistakes, but none of them know what they are supposed to be doing since Gabriel disrupted the status quo. You can see they are unsure of themselves and of each other. The concept of free will is so foreign to them, but Aziraphale showed all of them that it was in their grasp when he allowed Gabriel and Beelzebub to decide where to go so they could be together.

It takes a lot of audacity (and sheer ignorance) to dismiss Aziraphale as power-hungry and abusive.

Aziraphale did nothing to punish Gabriel and Beelzebub. He allowed them to leave because they were in love with each other, and he knows what that feels like. He thought he was about to get the same fate with Crowley until The Metatron showed up and refused to take no for an answer.

He doesn't want to fix Heaven because he thinks it's perfect. If he thought it was perfect he wouldn't want to fix it.

Aziraphale is going back into the Lion's Den. He knows what he's going up against. He's been humiliated and belittled and abused by Heaven for thousands of years.

His scars are there even though you can't see them, and he hides his pain with humor and silliness.

When I see people advocating for Aziraphale to suffer even more because they don't think he has suffered enough, I find myself sitting back in one of those classrooms in Catholic school being told that I deserve the bad things that happen to me because I somehow failed to measure up to some impossible metric. The cruelty of that mindset aimed at Aziraphale is kinda the reason Crowley hates Heaven in the first place because he's been there too.

And as someone who is processing religious trauma, it's disheartening to see people say that because Aziraphale has yet to fully let go of Heaven that he deserves harsher treatment. Crowley would definitely not agree with that sentiment.

#good omens #crowley #aziraphale #religious trauma #ex catholic #i don't know if this makes sense #i know the discourse on religious trauma is already another thing in this fandom #but this is how i process #deconstructing isn't fucking easy

[presidentlokis-hornyhelmet]

Pavitr x reader

Reader having her period PLEASE 😚

My Little Heat Pack

Summary: It's that time of the month for you. Cue mood swings, cramps... and misunderstandings. Tags: Misunderstandings, Mood Swings, period, Pre Menstrual syndrome (PMS), menstrual cramps, Pav being a sweetiepie A/N: Sanam means smth like sweetheart or lover idk: Meri jaan = my life (pet name)

Also read on AO3

"I hate it, i hate it, I hate everything!", you snap. 

It's been like that for a week now; you've been all snappy and angry and sobbing at something someone said for no reason. It was petty and you hated it but you couldn't control your emotions. It was a fucking mess.

And then, there's your stomach, cramping at the most inopportune times. It was that fucking time of the month. It didn't help you had PMS either, which made it all the more worse.

Pain flares in your lower abdomen, joining the one in your knees. You curl on the bed hugging the pillow with a heat pack on your tummy, hoping the pain goes away. The bloating and the blood flow throw your mental peace into a blender, skin feeling annoyingly hotter. The bra hurts your sore breasts and to add insult to injury, pimples had shown up! 

With your lower back killing you, you just want to roll over and sleep, feeling exhausted. Moaning in pain, you reach for your phone and put on some music. At least that will make you feel better. 

________

Pavitr sat on his bed pouting like a sad puppy.

Since last week you've been behaving weird and even though he only began to date you a month ago, he feels he should at least know if you were mad at him. 

Were you mad at him? He had no clue what he'd done to make you upset, worried that he somehow fucked this up. 

It began last Monday when he threw his arms around you in greeting.

"Sanam!", he'd yelled in your ear, trying to lift you up for a spin. 

You squirmed in his arms and removed yourself with a polite smile, leaving him with a lame excuse to walk with Gayatri.

Since then you two have been sticking together. You usually do, but now it seems like you don't want him around, finding excuses to run away from him and it made him sad. 

He decided to give you space, thinking you were in a bad mood. (And, in a bad mood you were). Either way, he was sure you'd feel better by the end of day. 

His hope wilted when Pavitr found you looking increasingly irritated as the day progressed, as if you were annoyed with anything and everything. You were cursing more than ever! You had been lying down the whole day, occasionally clutching your stomach and when he asked, you replied you were fine, which made him more worried. 

Alarms went off in his head and he grew all the more concerned when you won't hang out with him. 

Why were you avoiding him? What did he do wrong?

He thought back to the last week and what he did that might've upset you, in vain. He got up, pacing in his room as a hundred scenarios ran in his head -nothing helpful. It was frustrating.

Lost, he went to find Maya aunty for advice.

_______

Music had started off good enough but right now you were in "I hate being a girl" mood, and the song currently playing wasn't much help. Rain splattering against your window managed to calm you down a little, though; you've always loved the rain. 

"Knock knock." 

You startle as you see Pavitr sitting on your window pane, surprisingly not wet. "Pav?", you sniff, eyes watery, "how did you-" 

"Magic", he says, stepping into your room. He tenses seeing your tears tracks. "Sanam, are you crying?" 

"Arcade", you explain, "That song is so sad.."

Pavitr smiles in relief and hands you a tissue, kissing your forehead after. You watch him, curious as he takes off his hoodie and reveals a grocery bag from inside it. 

"I come bearing gifts!"

Gifts? Vaguely, you recall snapping at him earlier and an apology is on the tip of your tongue when the cramps come again. Fuck fuck fuck! 

"Shh, it's okay, I'm here", he says in a soft tone, running his hand over your tummy. His touch is like magic and you instantly feel better. 

"Wow.. my cramps stopped!" 

Pavitr blushes hard at that, words abandoning him as he tries to speak. Giving up, he reaches into the bag instead.

"Chocolate? I read it makes you feel better during these times." 

Just like that, your mood soars as you eye the sweets. All types -milk, coconut, strawberry, dark chocolate, a couple of snickers' and mars bars. Beneath it you find a tub of ice cream, assorted sweets and then some.

Pavitr just chuckles as you greedily munch on the candy and refuse to share. 

"How did you know what to bring?", you ask when you've had your fill. 

He rubs his neck shyly, "I thought I did something to upset you and that's why you won't talk to me. So I asked Maya aunty and she said about.. this... I did some googling to find out what would help." 

Your heart practically melts, eyes tearing up in joy. "Aww, you're such a sweetiepie, Pav. I'm sorry to make you think that way. I didn't realize it." 

"No need to apologize, meri jaan. I just want to help you. Speaking of..", he trailed, looking hesitant, "may I cuddle you? I heard it helps ease the pain."

You grin nodding and lie down in a spooning position, welcoming him. Pavitr is more than happy to oblige and wraps his arm from behind, rubbing your tummy in soothing circles. The pain in your abdomen and private parts rapidly becomes more bearable with his presence. 

"Stay like this?", you plead and he grins his approval. You snuggle closer, sighing as your body finally relaxes. He really is what you need!

"Mmm.. you're my little heat pack." 

Pavitr smiles seeing you slowly nod off in his arm, not ceasing his rubs when you shuffle in your sleep. He places a soft kiss on your cheek and tucks a loose strand behind your ear, amused when your lips twitch up slightly. 

Pavitr smiles as his extra sensitive hearing catches you mumble his name in your sleep, cooing over you. 

"You're little heat pack." 

_____

Hope you enjoyed it! Reblogs & comments appreciated <3

#pavitr prabhakar x reader #pavitr prabhakar x you #pavitr x you #pavitr x reader #spider-man: across the spiderverse #pavitr fluff #spiderman india

[qsphyxias]

Nightwing x Male! Reader (hurt/comfort)

if you fetishize mlm/nblm relationships, get the fuck out of here!

synopsis ; you just broke up with ur bf bc he cheated on u and Nightwing comes to make u feel better.

warnings ; swearing, break ups, venting (not traumatic or too deep) about relationship, manhandle joke, angst? its topic is sad but I think I made it too nice and fluffy

note ; i wanna add more, esp. with pillow talk or whatever but I'm too tired and maybe ill just make another part or smth or edit it

words ; 1.3k+

Your face burned, and your lips trembled against the hand you held up against your moth. You sighed shakily, dropping your head atop your arm leaned up against the railing of your balcony. That was the end of another relationship.

You looked at the wet cement down below, over the thin, black iron railing, your eyes couldn't focus on anything because of the fat tears that obstructed most of your vision. Gravity pulled your tears to the ground, almost pulling you entirely over the rails — you just felt so tired.

The day you've had was just about enough for you to bear. You found out your boyfriend of three years was cheating on you for two of those three years. But the worst part was that you hadn't even found out yourself; he had told you, and he had been the one to break up with you. As if, you were the problem.

You were in the way.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" You murmured under your breath, rage began to well up, and you could feel it in your throat — strangling you, taking your breath and turning it into steam. "I wasted three years on him. Three fucking years of my life!" You backed away from the ledge, looking up at the sky as if it represented the entire world before you. "And for what?"

Despite it all, a part of you wanted him back. Not because you loved him, but because, where else will you find someone? You knew everything about him, and you... well, you hoped he knew just about everything to know about you. But now, all that information is useless. You were scared and alone; how much time did you really have? It's not like some handsome, piece of ass is going to come around and save you.

You slid down on the cold surface of the balcony, sitting down and tucking your knees in as you watched your fingers fidget in front of you. You stopped crying, but now it felt worse than before. Your heart had no means to release all that raw emotion because your body couldn't take the exhaustion.

"Hey, are... you alright?" A gentle hand grabs your shoulder, and your head shoots up to see dark blue eyes, staring at you with nothing but hopeful concern. His hope to somehow make you feel better, and his concern that you are currently sitting on the ground, eyes, nose, and mouth red and swollen.

You don't push away, not at all — in fact, that's the last thing on your mind. Even when it hits you that Nightwing is leaning over you, a knee on the ground and his arm on your shoulder. You're too drained to react properly, you just stare at him.

You pressed your hand on your cheek, murmuring your speech. "Give me a fucking break." Had he arrived at a time — literally any other time — less inconvenient, you probably would have asked him for an autograph and fawned over his arms. He chuckled at your reply, not at all offended by your display of disdain at his appearance. He took a seat next to you on the cold hard ground.

For a couple of minutes, you both just sat there, and you stared off into space as you silently fought with your inner demons to not lash out at him. With an apologetic sigh, withdrawing your attitude from before. "I'm sorry, it's been a rough night- I just found out my boyfriend was cheating on me for two years." Nightwing glanced over as you mentioned a boyfriend, so you weren't straight, huh? That totally won't affect how he sees you.

The man beside you sucked in a sharp breath as you mentioned your situation, immediately feeling terrible as he put himself in your shoes. "Don't worry about it; you deserve a little lashing out." You scoffed affectionately as you wiped your remaining tears away with your sleeve, he was friendly, wasn't he?

"That's nice of you to say." Suddenly, the floor looked much more interesting than looking at the attractive man beside you. He noticed the averted gaze and brought you back to reality by placing his hand on yours. "I'm serious, lash out at me! Whatever you wanna say to him, say to me." He was serious, grinning at his great idea.

"I mean I heard you wailing from miles away; I'm sure you don't have a shortage of things to say." He looked proud of himself. "Dear god — you heard that?" You stood up and backed away from him, with him following you closely. "I think half of Gotham heard that." He teased, watching your ashamed expression with a smile.

"You're kind of an asshole, aren't you?" You said, standing your ground as you taunted him right back. His smile only grew, "I have mixed reviews."

"Alright, Nightwing. I'll take you up on your offer." You crossed your arms and stepped closer to him, "I'll vent."

He rubbed his hands together in response, beckoning you towards him. "Give it to me."

Your face turned beet-red at the sudden conspicuous innuendo, and you paused. Hoping he hadn't noticed, you got back in the zone and tried to imagine your ex's face in place of Nightwing's. "Okay, alright. Well. You're... You're a dick."

Dick laughed, for more reasons than one. "That's it? Have at me! Don't be shy." You frowned, "Fine then, you're not just a dick. You're also cruel." You looked into his eyes, seeing your ex's face before you instead of Nightwing's.

To fuel the fire, you channeled all those feelings into your speech. "You broke my heart for no reason when you could have left me when you met him. And- Instead, you wasted my time, thinking I was in this... This loving relationship with a man I was going to marry — " Before you could keep rambling on, you felt strong arms around you, grounding you. You hadn't noticed you were trembling from the emotion until you felt the calm, still body against yours.

You also hadn't noticed how much you absolutely needed that hug.

Hesitating, your arms hovered over his back before you tenderly hugged him back, sinking into his body knowing he could still hold you from his already tight grip. You wondered if you'd ever be hugged like this again now that you didn't have a boyfriend. Whenever your ex did decide to hold you like this, it wasn't often.

Sleep took over your body as his warmth may have reminded you too much of your sheets, and the comfort of your bed. Maybe he reminded you of home.

"... Was that too much?" You murmured against the chestpiece of his suit. He shook his head, not wanting to see your expression just yet. Your frown and your trembling lips broke his heart.

"I think I'm tired." Dick took that to heart and picked you up with ease, walking over to your balcony door and stepping in. "Oh- so you're just gonna manhandle me then?" You declared eyes half-lidded from exhaustion. For a second, he was worried he had crossed a boundary. "Well, I'm okay with that." Now he wasn't so worried.

Dick chuckled as he placed you down on your bed, turning off the light beside you and moving to exit your apartment. He stopped in his tracks as he heard you groan. "Wait, come back..! Stay with me. Please?" He turned around to see you pouting on your bed, knowing you were trying your absolute best to extract pity out of him to make him stay.

"It'll be my first night in three years without a warm body sleeping next to me; you're really gonna leave a guy hanging?" He rolled his eyes as you played the break-up card, waltzing over with a defeated look on his face. You on the other hand, had adorned an expression of joy.

"You regret stopping by my balcony, don't you?"

"... Far from it, actually."

#male reader blog #fanfiction #male reader fluff #male reader #nightwing x y/n #nightwing x you #nightwing x reader #nightwing x male reader #nightwing #dick grayson x y/n #dick grayson #dick grayson x you #dick grayson x male reader #dick grayson x reader #dc x reader #dc dick grayson #dc fanfic #dc #dcu #night wing

[helsensm]

HEHEHE im glad you liked my butterfly effect idea ask regarding kung lao! i love him being the center of attention cuz i think he deserves it, even if it means getting the whole timeline doomed LOL just silly things about wanting to be champion that’s all ^_^

but yes omg i love talking about what ifs, it makes me crazy and rip my hair out (positive af) xD

ohh man i can just imagine the dominos of fate falling over the more things get fucked up… oh man i can’t believe what would lao’s reaction would be if he found out things were crumbling bc of him… one au filled with dread and sadness coming right up!

apparantely I got several asks in one day and tumblr showed me only the last one so I missed yours?? I'm sorry I left you hanging 😫😭

fr, the butterfly effect of this “should-never-be-a-champion” au opens up so many possibilities (literally XD) for angst! Like… I think it would be a devastating discovery for Kung Lao. Not only he was the reason for all the disastrous things that came after his victory, but the realization that apparently even the Universe itself is against his success. Someone would say it’s the perfect scenario for a character to start his villain arc, I’d say it’s time for an existential crisis. “What’s the point then”, emotional exhaustion and thoughts about ending this meaningless life. So someone would have to help him go through this… or it all goes to shit, tons of characters die and the whole timeline literally crumbles THE END 😈

my reaction when you deanoned yourself because it’s always exiting to talk pfp to pfp with someone you mostly saw only in your notifs before

#my asks #kung lao #mortal kombat #mortal kombat 1 #mk1 #non art post

[m00nlight-ramblings]

A Friend

Astarion is not one to get close to people - friendship or otherwise. So when you are kind to him with no ulterior motive, he is...taken aback.

The sunlight dipped behind the trees as the air became colder - a brisk breeze that was very welcomed by the party, especially after the long battle you had found yourselves in for most of the day. Bloodied and exhausted, thankfully you all left with your lives, but it was still hard to calm yourselves nonetheless. Gale was tending the dinner he was cooking over the open flame of the pit in the middle of camp, while Wyll and Karlach sous-cheffed around him. Halsin was deep in meditation at the entrance of his tent, Shadowheart was reading, and Lae'zel was...well, being Lae'zel inside of her tent (probably angry about the way a squirrel looked at her on the trail or something).

And then...there was Astarion.

He was reading outside of his tent, his hand absentmindedly just...waving in the air down by his hip, as if in a trance. There was something about this vampire spawn that was confusing to you - entrapped and slaved for 200 years probably didn't leave a lot of room for self-discovery, so his confusing emotional tendencies left you intrigued. A man who was so charismatic, yet didn't accept friendship. You sipped on your wine and poured some in another goblet near you, instantly deciding to stand and walk over to him. You stood in front of him and silently held out the cup.

It took a beat, but Astarion noticed you and looked up from his seat, his eyes moving from the cup to your face. He smiled quickly, "Hello, darling. What can I help you with?"

"I figured you could use a glass of wine after the day we had. We wouldn't have gotten out of there alive thanks to your handywork," You paused for a moment, "Or...can you...not drink before hunting tonight?"

He chuckled and raised an eyebrow, accepting the goblet and standing, "Why wouldn't I be enjoy a glass of wine before hunting? You think I'd be too drunk to see a boar running in my path?"

You shrugged and tilted your head, "You never know. Need to keep your senses sharp."

He sipped the wine and eyed you cautiously, "Y/N....darling, may I ask what you need?"

There was an uncomfortable silence in the air as you tried to find your words carefully. You knew Astarion was much more sensitive than he led on, and you didn't want to upset him, "Can I not...spend some time with you? Unless you're really into your book? Then I can come back later-"

"Yes, you said that, but what I'm asking is why you are wanting to spend time with me. What do you need?" He cut you off, taking another sip of wine.

You were...confused. Stuttering, you tried to explain yourself, "Because I...want to spend time...with someone who I'm...adventuring with? That I enjoy spending time with? You know, beginnings of a friendship thing...?" Your voice trailed off as you looked at your feet. You remembered the fun moments you shared around the campfire, or in transportation, or at Inns, almost always in a group. You even remember making Astarion laugh on a few occasions. Was it possible that you had been reading the situations wrong?

"Friend?" Astarion nearly spat out, his eyes narrowing, "You think we're...'friends'?"

You felt a blush rise to your cheeks and you shook your head, embarrassed, "You know what? Forget it. Just...never mind. When you're done with your wine, drop it off at my tent later-" You turned to leave and could feel embarrassed tears spring to your eyes - a sad feeling, akin to a little girl being rejected by a group on the schoolyard - filled your stomach. You knew he has lived in darkness and sadness for 200 years but fuck, he was rude sometimes.

"W-wait! Y/N, wait," He gently grabbed your wrist, causing your wine to spill a little. You waited before you turned, afraid Astarion would say something about your tears. He didn't, but instead, he tilted his head. His eyes were soft, "I'm...sorry. That was not kind of me. Forgive me, I..." His voice trailed off, a hint of nervousness rising in his inflection, "The word 'friend' is...foreign to me. And I didn't mean..." He gestures to the flat rock he was sitting on previously, "Please, sit? I'd like to enjoy this wine together."

You're a bit taken aback as you sit slowly, watching him as he does the same. "Friendship is a new...concept to you." I state, taking a small sip. I imagine just what kind of company he kept while enslaved, and had a suspicion that it wasn't any kind close to a friend.

"Yes, it is," He stared out at the fire, 20 feet away from us. Wyll laughed at something Karlach said and I noticed that Astarion had a look on his face I hadn't seen before. I stayed silent, making space for him to speak, "I was only 39 when I was taken. A mere...child. The idea of having any friends hasn't crossed my mind in...years," He paused and looked at you, a soft smile appearing, "Even now, as we go through this journey together...laughter is but a brief moment. I've had many - many lovers-" He punctuates this with a change of inflection, "But friends? Not my style."

"Style?" You ask, genuinely curious.

He nods, "When your whole life is either enemies or lovers, with no in between, it becomes very hard to imagine the concept of a 'friend'."

"Oh, so you just need someone to be a friend to you to understand." You stated, matter-of-factly. You smiled and started to count the group, "You have 5.5 right here. I'm not counting Lae'zel because I don't think she wants friends, and I'm only counting half of Shadowheart because sometimes she's so grumpy she doesn't seem like a friend. But you have us! Me, and Wyll...Gale, Karlach, and Halsin."

Astarion chuckles softly and looks at the ground, "Friendships just don't appear out of thin air."

"Yeah, well, tadpoles generally don't get shoved behind our eyeballs either but look what happened to us." I tentatively put a hand on his shoulder, gently. When he doesn't shrug away, I leave it there, "Astarion...I'm sorry about what has happened to you. What you've gone through...I can't imagine. But the gods have brought us all together under these, well...odd...circumstances, to say the least. And I don't want to push you, but just know I'm here for you, okay?"

He doesn't speak but looks at you. You notice him fiddling with the wine goblet.

"And in due time, between the 'brief moments of laughter', and the late night talks around the campfire, and the saving-each-others-asses-from-Goblins, and the stories of our past...that's when friendship appears. Not out of thin air...but out of cultivation. And love. Only if you want it."

"You would not want to be my friend." He says quietly, to the ground more than to you. You heart sinks a bit - most of the time Astarion can be a dramatic man-child who is prone to temper tantrums if he doesn't get his way. Or, the horniest being in all of the land - no in between. But in his vulnerable and sensitive moments, you can see the pieces of him add up.

"I think that's for me to decide," You gently touch his shoulder with yours and stand, taking his goblet from him. Yes, maybe his past was sordid, even if he had no control over it, but the world seemed to be upside down now. And people can grow. You would have never been friends with someone who had an infernal engine put into their body either, but sometimes life doesn't go according to plan. "I am going to get more wine. And I will pour you a glass. I'll be over by the fire having dinner if you'd like to join me," You look him in his eyes, trying to show how sincere you were, "I will never push you to be a friend, especially if you don't want it. But I also want you to know that I will be a friend waiting for you if you want it. And either way, I will always show you kindness...unless you try to secretly bite me in the middle of the night without asking me first, because then I'll beat the shit out of you."

Astarion smiled and a slight chuckle escaped his lips, sounding almost like a melodic purr. You could've sworn you saw the beginnings of tears in his eyes.

"The disgusting things you were put through are not who you are. And it will take time, but we will help you escape that past. But in the meantime, I will get more wine. I'll see you by the fire pit." You smiled and walked to your tent, grabbing the wine carafe.

Astarion stared after you, his heart soaring. After so many years, he had never looked at anyone as more than an enemy, prey, or a throw-away lover, either wanting their presence to be gone as soon as he gotten what he wanted from them, or terrified of their presence. The idea that someone could stay in his life and he would enjoy it was terrifying - let alone multiple people all at once. His anxiety spiked as he thought of it, but when he looked out to the group, he felt a sense of peace. Slowly, he got up and made his way over to the fire pit, sitting next to Wyll who was doling out plates of dinner.

And there, he waited for his friend to get him a glass of wine.

------

Just a little drabble I wanted to put into writing! I hope you all enjoyed!

Please remember my inbox is open and I'm accepting requests, and I'd love to get writing!!

#balders gate 3 #astarion fanfic #astarion headcanon #bg3 astarion #astarion bg3 #astarion #astarion fan fiction #astarion x you #astarion x tav #astarion x reader

[curatoroffiction]

Overprotective Part 2

The first post of this story can be found here. The post this story was based off of can be found here.

Your words hit Lucifer like a truck. He grabs your arm, stopping you, and when you turn to yell at him, you pause when you see the visible fear and pain in his expression.

You two are soon joined by Mammon and Beelzebub standing in the doorway, having followed you in your frustration. The two arrive just in time to hear Lucifer ask you "What do you mean you hope you die?"

You didn't really mean it, you were just SO tired. So fucking tired. So done with having every little thing in your life softened and controlled.

Before you can answer, Mammon blurts out "WHAT D'YA MEAN YOU WANNA DIE!?" while Beelzebub quietly stares at you, trying to understand.

Mammon's outburst attracts everyone in the house. It's hard not to hear him.

Soon the brothers are all spilling out the door, and you think you can even see Belphegor somewhere hidden in the background.

You sigh. "… I can't keep doing this thing where you guys control every part of my life. I can barely deal with you controlling ANY part of my life." You shrug Lucifer's grip off your arm, and you finally begin to address the issue head-on.

You look to Levi; "I want to be able to watch sad movies and sad shows. I want to enjoy the angst. I want to be able to cry. It's good! It's healthy! What ISN'T healthy, is avoiding sad things all the time, like they're going to kill me!"

Levi cuts in; "But they COULD kill you!" before quickly getting quiet again, not meaning to talk over you.

You stare at him in frustration and confusion. "… What do you MEAN they can kill me?"

"Humans who watch more sad shows tend to live shorter lives.."

"…" It begins to click for you. But you also have to rectify this misinformation; "Levi, those statistics don't imply causality. If they're even real, they'd imply correlation. People who only watch sad things that are painful probably aren't living very happy lives to begin with. They're probably trying to cope through a tough reality, which would likely be the REAL cause of their shortened lifespan, in conjunction with a HUGE number of other factors."

"…"

"Watching sad shows is good, and can even help with test-running sad scenarios before they happen in a low-stakes environment, which is GOOD for emotional health and wellbeing."

"…"

"If all I ever do is watch sad shows, then yeah, maybe I need help. But that's not the same as watching a few in a rotation of other medias."

Leviathan looks rather embarrassed.

"And you!" You turn your attention towards Asmodeus. "Asmo, you can't keep trying to destress me all the time! Stop giving me creams and tinctures and your new balm of the week! I want to stay up! I want to live a little messy!"

"But those things are GOOD for you! I never push anything on you that I didn't already use myself!"

"That works FOR YOU - It's not going to work for everyone! It makes my stress WORSE when I have to adhere to your strict regimen! It's exhausting and frustrating, and it takes any joy I got out of sharing those bonding moments with you, and sucks the life out of it!"

Asmodeus realizes he never considered that you weren't enjoying being doted on. He LOVES being doted on, so he thought you would want the same thing. Looking at you now though, and realizing his behavior contributed to this stress and this problem that's coming to a head now, he feels… Not great.

As Asmodeus gets quiet, you look to Satan, who is surprised. "Satan, I get that you're worried about my health, but when you treat me like I'm not doing enough? It's so fucking insulting. Telling me to take care of my health like I'm not already doing that. Telling me the statistics of illnesses and injuries isn't useful, it's fear-mongering at best."

"I just thought that someone in this house should be wary of what can befall a human - You're all so delicate."

"But when you treat me like I'm paper, all I want to do is just tear myself apart! If I can't walk down a set of stairs without you telling me the statistics of stair-related injuries and trying to hold my hand, I'm never going to feel like I can live my life! Imagine if YOU had someone constantly walking through your room, telling you the statistics of book avalanche-related injuries, while touching all your stuff and changing everything so you can't live the way you want to!"

The contrast to his own life makes Satan double-take. He never realized he was being controlling and invasive, but your comparison brings light to how his behavior could damage your relationship. "… It would be rage-inducing."

"Exactly! And Belphegor!" Belphegor tries to hide himself, but the brothers part under your frustrated gaze, and you can see the sleep demon anxiously shifting under your scrutiny. "Belphegor, why are you avoiding me??"

"….." He's quiet, struggling to put words to everything. Beelzebub realizes his brother's been hurting, and he hasn't realized because he was so concerned with your wellbeing. Beelzebub gently rubs Belphegor's back, and Belphegor covers his face, looking away as he finally is able to get out the words; ".. I didn't want to hurt you."

His reasoning is different from everyone else's. It's reasonable in the fact that it's already happened.

Though, what DOES make it unreasonable, you have no problem telling him; "If you don't want to kill me, you're not going to! You don't kill people you don't want to! And besides, if it's a fear of accidentally hurting me, that's normal! People accidentally hurt the people they love all the time! People don't accidentally KILL the people they love all the time, and what you did to me when I first arrived in Devildom WASN'T AN ACCIDENT!"

Belphegor is silent, soaking in your explanation.

Your voice softens as you become a little less frustrated, being able to voice everything that's been bottled up inside; "SO- As long as you don't want to kill me, you're not going to. And if you accidentally hurt me? I'll heal. We'll work through it together-"

"What if I hurt you in a way you can't heal from? Demons are strong and- …" It chokes on the edge of his tongue, threatening to come out. He tries to hold it back, but he can't. "And.. I know better than anyone how easy it is to snap your neck. It was like a toothpick. Do you know how terrifying it is to realize that I have to control my strength to that level around you? All it takes is one playful shove, and you could end up in the hospital- Or worse. You're so much more delicate than you realize, and we have to be so much more careful than you realize."

It's here that a silence comes over everyone as you soak in his explanation. You never really realized how difficult it was for the demons to reign in their strength to keep you safe. You thought it was fairly breezy, since everyone else seemed so relaxed until recently.

It's your turn to feel sheepish.

".. I'm.. Sorry. I didn't know. But there has to be a middleground. You avoiding me makes me feel awful. I feel unloved and unwanted and ignored. I don't want to be safe at the cost of our relationship. And my safety shouldn't be an ultimatum."

"…." Belphegor's eyes are sad, and he's been trying to hold back the tears, but he can't. Beelzebub holds him and tries to comfort his brother.

The demon of gluttony realizes he too has been trying to control your life too, which has probably been causing you undue stress, which is probably why you ran out here in the first place. ".. I'm sorry for making your life more stressful, _. I want to keep you safe, but it's obvious that I should have talked with you about it."

The apologies start spilling as one by one, the brothers begin apologizing for controlling your life and making you feel ostracized.

Mammon doesn't apologize as he doesn't feel like he crossed any boundaries, and makes it known when Asmodeus elbows him. "Hey, I didn't cross any boundaries!"

"… I mean, trying to feed me shady vitamins out of a bag is hilarious, but also probably not exactly healthy."

"But I've been making you better food too! Packin' the nutrients in!"

"Is THAT why you learned to cook all these new dishes??"

"YEAH!"

"…" His kindness and effort were sweet, and the least invasive of the brothers' attempts to help you and prolong your life.

But those weren't the only things he was doing. "I need you to stop trying to give me protein shakes and vitamins and whatever 'health supplement' you find on the shelf. The health supplement market is really messed up. I've lowkey been avoiding most of what you give me, because there's no regulation in that market, and it actually COULD hurt me."

He's stunned. He figured some of his methods might've been a bit harmful, but he also figured he would get enough right that it would cancel all the bad stuff out.

You continue; "Can we all find a middleground? Why are you all so scared of me dying right now? Did something happen?"

Lucifer nods, having been listening; "I think a middle-ground would be better. If you're feeling stifled, that's not healthy either. And it's obvious we need to take better care of you-"

"Why do you NEED to take care of me?" You turn to Lucifer, exhaustively. It stops him in his tracks and he stares at you, confused.

"… Because you're precious to us."

"But I'm not helpless. Do you not trust me to reach out when things are getting difficult? I can advocate for myself, Lucifer! It's so demeaning when you treat me like you know better, and like I'm just some bumbling idiot who you have to keep from dying!"

The words cut deep. The last thing he ever wanted to do was to make you feel like he looked down on you. You are one of the most important people in his life, and he adores you. The fact that you haven't been able to see that causes Lucifer to become quiet as he reflects on his own behavior.

He should have reigned in his brothers. He should have given you space. He should have advocated more for giving you your own voice, not talking over you with what you should have been doing.

It all seems so clear and so obvious, but it took you speaking up for him to realize how much he's been ignoring your emotional needs in care of your physical health.

And with this whole meltdown, he's realizing that it was the breaking point.

"I too, am sorry, _. I never meant to make things more difficult for you. I love you dearly. I will be better, going forward."

You finally seem to relax as he apologizes.

But he continues; "Can we please talk about your mortality, though?"

Everyone can see it's not exactly a conversation you WANT to have. But you know it's one you need to have. ".. Okay."

Levi sputters out with his frustration first; "If you die, then I won't be able to share the rest of my life with you. There's so much that can happen when you're gone. I know you're not going to live long, and it scares me. I don't want to reach a day where I want to knock on your door to ask you to hang out, but I know you'll never answer." He's tearing up as he says this, his body physically shaking.

Asmodeus gently rests a hand on Leviathan's shoulder, looking to you, a sad expression on his face. ".. I think a lot of us share that sentiment. We want to get in as many good memories as we can, because you are such a precious, amazing, wonderful person. You are a once-in-eternity kind of person, and we will never be able to fill the hole you'll leave when you die. It's so hard to think of moving on when we've barely gotten to share a life with you."

Satan fidgets with his fingers against his leg, but he can't keep himself contained any longer, cutting in; "Solomon's here to stay forever, why can't you be too? We know it's possible. We know you could stay alive forever. The bastard says he doesn't remember what he did to curse himself with immortality, and every immortality curse I've found comes at a great cost…" He finally looks to you directly. "But all of that aside, it's hard to even broach the topic with you. Do you WANT to live forever? It would be selfish for us to ask you to carry the pain of watching every one of us die, just because we can't bear the sight of losing you. I can't bear the sight of losing you.. But it feels so selfish. And I don't want you to ever reach a point where that sorcerer is the only friend you still have left that hasn't died. …" His voice trails off in frustration, losing his train of thought to the idea of you living eternity alone with Solomon. You can see Satan's grappled with this issue for a while.

Belphegor picks up where Satan left off; "It's hard to imagine a world without you. You came into our lives, and it was like breathing for the first time in a long time. We love who we are because of you.. And I think we're all scared of who we'll become when you're gone. Losing you will be right up there with losing Lilith as the worst things we've ever experienced, and we won't have another you who can help us through it. We wouldn't WANT another you. …. But we simultaneously recognize that it's not your responsibility to help us through it."

Seeing his brothers going back and forth about their feelings, Mammon can't help but be grounded in the moment. ".. I think we wanna take responsibility for it now, because when you're gone, we're gonna hafta take responsibility for it anyways, yeah? …" He looks anywhere but directly at you. "…" His silence is hard as he chokes back the tears, trying not to fall apart in front of his brothers, but between Levi's crying and Asmo's sniffling and everyone else's pain, it's hard for Mammon to keep strong.

So Lucifer steps up to the plate. "We're sorry for pushing all of this on you, _. It shouldn't be your responsibility to help us through the pain and loss that hasn't even afflicted us yet. It's hard to talk about this without accidentally putting pressure on you to choose an eternity that could hurt you so much worse in the long run, just to keep our own heads on straight. Do you understand? We promise, it was never meant to make you feel belittled, we just.. We've never dealt with something like this before; A slow attrition of loss that we either have to accept, or find a way to fight.." He gently rubs your back, looking you in the eyes. ".. And we've never really been the kind of people to back down from a fight."

"…" It all makes sense. And hearing their hearts laid bear like this clutches at your heart. You never wanted them to feel like they couldn't come to you about this, but you understand how it got this bad. It would take facing all of their fears and letting you come to an answer at your own pace, without pressuring you. THAT'S why they tried to prolong your life without saying anything. THAT'S why they kept talking about your health. THAT'S why they kept trying to circumvent the issue.

You continue; ".. I appreciate the honesty, guys. I love you all too. I don't want to leave you guys all alone, but.. You're right. Immortality would be a huge decision. If it's even achievable. … And I understand why this all happened. I understand why you guys pushed the way you did. I think we should keep talking about this, but, taking it a little slower. That way, you guys aren't completely holding back the floodgates, but I also don't get overwhelmed. Whatever happened, whatever fate I choose for myself, I do want it to be my own decision. But I think I NEED to make that decision. I've put it off because I didn't really want to think about it, but.. I don't want to put it off until it's out of our hands."

Lucifer rubs into your back, listening. All the brothers listen.

"Until then, until I figure out if I want eternity or not, can we please go back to how things used to be? I'll do my best to take good care of myself, and advocate my needs, but I need you guys to trust me that I'm going to take care of myself and let me live a little, even if it's risky. I promise, I'm not going to be diving off the roof, but I want to be able to play games that make me sad, eat junk food that gives me pimples and might not be GREAT for my heart. I want to hang out with you guys, even if I could get hurt. I want to not be reminded of my mortality constantly, and be able to make my own choices about my own limits. I promise to be good to myself and reach out if I'm struggling, but you guys gotta promise to be willing to let me take more responsibility for my life again."

"You need some good things in your life though." Levi doesn't want his efforts to get lost in the shuffle.

"I'll make sure to set aside time to enjoy good shows with you that are happy and show how good life can be. Can you sit with me through the sad ones and help me pick up the pieces?"

Levi nods, wiping his eyes.

Asmodeus takes this chance to add; "You also need to be gentler with yourself. You can't be up at all hours of the night every night."

"I'll be good about my self-care, making sure I'm getting good sleep and relaxation. Can you love on me when I don't want to be presentable and good and I want to just throw caution to the wind sometimes when it comes to the littler self-care things? I don't want every minute I spend with you guys to be an exercise in avoiding death. I want to LIVE a little, which means we'll get messy and make some bad decisions sometimes."

"Of course. But only if you're not letting yourself fall to ruin. I don't want to watch you waste away.."

"I promise I'll reach out if I start to struggle, and I'll accept your help if that time comes."

"Thank you."

"And your health-" Satan adds, a little embarrassed, but not wanting it to go unaddressed. "You need to be wary of how dangerous this world is, and how fragile a human body is."

"I won't go throwing myself down the stairs or taking wildly unnecessary risks - So long as you let me take risks and get hurt sometimes. I'd rather you help me patch myself up after getting burned or cut than to live my life constantly cushioned." You look to him so earnestly that Satan is flustered, but he understands. Life without risk isn't exactly living.

"I think I can do that."

You look to Belphegor, who has been quiet this whole time. ".. And Belphegor, can you please be in my life again? I miss you."

"… What if I hurt you again?"

"We'll figure it out together."

"What if I can't control myself?"

"You have 6 brothers who will happily kick your entire ass if you go Human Murderer on me again. You should rely on your support system. Don't be afraid of fighting with me. We need to be able to have fights and disagree and have bad days sometimes. What matters is coming back together and making things right, and relying on our support systems so it doesn't get out of hand. Alright?"

Upon mention, his brothers quickly crowd him and hug him and hold him, reminding him that he's not alone in this. He's not alone in learning how to be better to you.

"…." Belphegor nods, tearing up again, soaking in everyone's love.

Mammon scratches his cheek as he looks to the side and adds "Since we're all talkin' about ways you can stay alive longer.. Can we come to you when we find stuff that could be an option? There's gotta be more options than forever immortality an' death, yeah? Witches stay alive for ages!"

"… Only if you don't pressure me to take it, and you let me be the ultimate decider, and you don't bombard me with stuff all the time. I don't want you coming at me with 'Prolong your life now' schemes every other day. I want to be able to live with you guys, and live the life I have, however long it's going to be. Alright?"

".. Alright." Mammon seems more comforted in the idea that he can keep looking for ways to give you more options.

Beelzebub slowly moves towards you, silently wrapping his arms around you in a hug. You hug him back. The brothers begin all coming close to hug you. Beelzebub apologizes once more; ".. We're sorry for stressing you out. Thank you for listening to us and our concerns. You're important to us. We love you."

Hugging as many of them back as you can as you're squeezed softly into the fold, you respond; "Thank you guys for talking to me about it instead of continuing to be weird and stand-offish. We'll figure it out as we go. In the meanwhile, let's make good memories."

The brothers begin heading inside, you following them.

Lucifer lags behind a little, tugging a trinket out of his pocket. It's a pendant which would keep you from aging which he picked up thinking you might like it - But considering the conversation and the boundaries you've just set, he thinks it would be best to just.. Be in the moment with you.

He stuffs it back into his pocket and comes to join the group in the house, and he opens the door just in time to hear Levi cry out "NO BUT THAT IS THE SADDEST ANIME EVER-" followed by your hallowed cackling of 'making up for lost time'. Lucifer smiles to himself.

However long they have with you, it's the greatest treasure of all.

#Angst #Angst fic #Angst with comfort #Fic #Fanfic #Fanfiction #Obey Me #Obey Me! #Obey Me SWD #Obey Me! SWD #MC's Mortality

[ctitan98official]

@alexander-23 : Hi hi! I love your writing! I'm wondering if you could write an Alcina Dimitrescu x reader fic for me? Something like the reader who usually is so amazing at hiding their feelings and hates showing their vulnerable side is on the verge of a mental breakdown. Maybe Alcina clears the room or takes reader somewhere to be alone and holds them while also closing her wings around them (closing the wings around them is like an Uber important detail to me. Sorry). Reader just breaks down and becomes Uber vulnerable and needs the softest affection. Alcina naturally cares for the reader, maybe giving them extra attention for the night to ensure they feel heard and loved. Like I want to happy cry from the safety of her embrace and sense of security she gives me. I have a tendency to bottle up my emotions so the comfort of someone I don't have to hide myself from like this would mean the world. Ik it doesn't give much room for creativity since I have like that specific request and I'm sorry about that, I just trust you with the request and always love your writing. I hope this is ok. Don't feel like you have to write it though. If it's not something you're interested in, just let me know. Thank you.

Sure! I need some Alcina comfort. I NEVER let people irl know how sad or upset I am (Unless I deck a motherfucker) So I can relate. I’m honored to have been entrusted with this. Let’s get into it!

You know how much Alcina has been through. You want to protect her, no matter what. Even if it’s from… Yourself.

Lately, though… Your mind has been a dark place. Haunting memories from what feels like a lifetime ago have begun plaguing you again. Traumas you never really let yourself heal from.

You have never allowed Alcina to see this side of you. You’re convinced that once she does, she’ll realize how broken you are…

No.

You’re not going to lose her. You just have to hold on a little longer. Maybe these feelings will pass.

Alcina is currently hosting a summer soiree at the castle. Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves… Except you.

Your mask of polite stoicism is cracking. Someone’s going to see. You just need a minute to compose yourself, but people keep coming and trying to mingle with you. It’s like a fucking nightmare. It won’t end. You give clipped and tight answers, trying to get people to back off. Thankfully, most people have taken the hint that you are in no mood to talk and hastily give you space.

However, Alcina is coming this way. Quick! Fix your hair, make sure you look presentable! As you attempt to groom a bit, you realize that tears are streaming down your cheeks. Damn, when did that happen? Wipe them off now! Here she comes.

“Well, hello again, my love.” Alcina purrs, happy to be with you once more. “Some of the guests are so chatty.” She quips lightly and looks to you.

When Alcina sees the tortured look on your face… She is shocked. She’s never seen you so upset. “Draga?” She asks softly and turns your chin gently to her. She gasps as she sees your tears.

You break from her stare and look away. “I’m fine, Alcina. Please enjoy the party, don’t worry about me.” You choke out and wave at her dismissively.

“Y/N.” Alcina says, voice firmer this time. She places her hand on your shoulder, not letting you move away.

Fuck. You ruined everything. She’s seen who you really are and… She hates you for it. As you think, you begin to spiral.

However, Alcina surprises you. She places a kiss on the side of your head. “Wait for me here, my darling.” She tells you and moves to the center of the room.

“Hello, dear guests.” She says, earning everyone’s attention. She is ever the picture of elegance. “I’m afraid that I am absolutely exhausted and… The wine’s almost out.” Alcina playfully gasps which causes everyone to chuckle. Her smile is brilliant as she charms everyone. She’s so good at this type of thing. “I would like to bid you all good night and thank you for coming.” She says graciously.

Light applause and pleasantries made in parting start filling the room. One by one, each guest leaves and you feel your heart pound faster. Alcina is probably pissed that she had to end the party. You fucked everything up.

When it is just the two of you left, Alcina quietly walks toward you. Her eyes hold pain as she sees how upset you are. “Baby…” She says softly and cups your cheek with her hand.

The warmth of Alcina’s touch breaks any walls that you were hoping to put up. You can’t lie to her anymore. It’s not fair, and right now… You aren’t okay. You break down and start to weep.

Alcina coos softly and holds you to her front. She realizes that you have never cried in front of her. You’ve never… Been this open with her at all. While she is so heartbroken to see you miserable, it is refreshing to see under all of the layers you have built to protect yourself. Alcina doesn’t care that you’re not perfect. She just wants to see you.

She picks you up and carries you to her study. This is where the two of you spend the most time together, and the familiar atmosphere comforts you a bit.

Alcina hums gently and places kisses on your head as you cry.

As warm as Alcina’s hold is… You are suddenly blanketed in the most soothing embrace you’ve ever experienced. You look up for a moment and your eyes grow wide. Alcina’s dragon wings are holding you securely. You didn’t know she could form her wings without fully mutating.

Alcina chuckles at the shocked look on your face and nuzzles her face on your head. “I’ve got you, draga. You’re safe.” She tells you before she wraps her wings tighter around you.

You’ve never felt safer. The velvety texture of Alcina’s wings is like the softest blanket you’ve ever been wrapped up in.

“Do you want to tell me what’s going on?” She asks quietly.

Your first instinct is to say no… But, you trust Alcina. You’ve never trusted anyone before. It’s… A bit overwhelming. But, you decide to open up to her. It’s both the scariest and easiest thing you’ve ever done. Alcina listens to you fully. She doesn’t offer advice or interrupt you while you talk. It’s like… She’s the only person you would ever bare your soul too. You’ve just fallen more in love with her (If that’s even possible.)

It feels nice to get everything out in the open. Your fears of Alcina seeing you as broken were unfounded. She still loves you. All of you. It makes you so happy.

Alcina truly is your soulmate. You don’t know what you would do without her.

Masterlist

#alcina dimitrescu #lady dimitrescu #re8 #re8 village #re8 lady dimitrescu #alcina dimitriscu x reader #lady dimitrescu x reader #alcina dimitrescu x y/n #alcina dimitrescu x reader #resident evil village #resident evil 8 #resident evil #resident evil imagines #lady dimitrescu x y/n

[thetopichot]

•°♤ Angst Prompts III ♤°•

Okay, so we got some fluff. NOW SOME PAIN‼️‼️ 😈😈 *Hits you with the sad beam*

"What if they don't feel the same, then what?"

"I've put so many people through my own bullshit over someone who I'm not sure that they might like me back."

"I'm scared that they won't love me because of who I am."

"It's funny that I preach so much about how I don't need anyone to love me, but here I am crying over someone that I can not have."

"Why does it hurt so much? Why can't it just stop?"

Being in a situationship with someone that you can not have because you don't fit in their standards but you still feel that need to be with them.

Just screaming in emotional pain. All of that built-up rage that you've been holding in for so long just comes out because you had enough.

Being so exhausted by everything happening that you just want to cry.

Shaking. Your body is shaking & tired.

Yearning for love, but in the end, you're all alone this winter.

☆ミ Author's Notes Underneath 👇 ☆ミ

CW: Venting

🩷 - Being in a situationship fucking sucks so, I used this angst prompts as a way to release my feelings. Writing always makes me feel better whenever I'm sad or angry. I just want my feelings to get out of my system & I use it as an advantage for my writing.

Being in love with someone & being a nonbinary boy sucks because you're like too scared to tell someone the truth about who you are. It's not only the fear of rejection but the fear of not being accepted for your identity because now they know who you are & they could use that against you. Like they force you to out yourself, which is scary. It's not just love. It's about trusting someone & trusting someone is love.

Maybe I might build up the courage to tell him that, but if I do, at least it's off my back.

#the cat speaks #writing prompt #writing #writing prompts #angst prompts #angsty prompts #angst prompt #angst #situationships #angsty prompt #sad prompts #sad prompt #winter heartbreak #prompts #winter writing prompts #winter writing #feeling sad #emotional pain #situationship

[betasquads]

Unexpected heartbreaks just happen.

witch!kai parker x femalewitch!reader

A/N: I like to do some hella sad one-shots, so enjoy because I'm going to do some more, maybe even more than smut. If anyone wants part 2, let me know. (this imagine is also apart of a book I'm currently working on in wattpad but with less details.)

▪︎ warning: gets heated but no smut

—

The surroundings of Y/N was never really supportive towards her studying for college. What I mean by surroundings, is the supernatural world revolving around her, her powers being used for. It was terrific that she should be worried about dying any second instead of being at her dorm and studying.

Most of the time it was like that for her.

She was a witch, a newbie witch, but she came from a strong family line that made her easily do spells that were used by her friends. What I mean, is that each one of her friends asks her but never let's her accept the offer or not. They always assume it's a yes.

It was tiring, better yet, exhausting. But one siphon witch was keeping Y/N going, and that was Malachai Parker.

He was an individual whom she hated at first, but slowly and slowly, their friendship began, but a burning desire was hidden in their own minds.

Laughter was all you could hear when you left these two in the same room, he was happy he had someone who truly gave him a chance without neglecting him.

They could always feel the tension whenever they were in the same room, him staring at her with parted lips and dark blue eyes, as if he has never seen a woman in his life. It was intimidating that he made her feel like the only woman alive.

Maybe they did have a sexual desire for one another, but they still had a friendship like no other.

Although, the tension had been going on for a year, none of them uttered a word but they both knew they wanted each other. The perfect Y/N always pretended she never liked him and he would play along, but he knew.

That was until one day Y/N was trying to find him to speak to him since no one figured where he was after the merge, just to find him swirled with emotions, mostly it being sadness. Feelings were exposed, hearts were spilled, and two souls have finally found each other.

Now they're together, the both of them being very relatable on some specific things. And that made them addicted to the other, because they understood each other in a way no one could.

"Can you at least state 2 facts about mesopotamia?" Y/N's all time favorite person asks her, interrupting her thoughts.

They were both in her dorm studying for an upcoming exam, he decided to join in and help her.

"The Babylonian law created by King Hammurabi, the Code of Hammurabi, may be the oldest written law in the world." she smiles, victorious when Kai nods in a way to praise her as she tries to find another fact that is buried deep inside of her thoughts.

Kai suddenly began giving her kisses across her neck and her jaw, making sure it was slow so she could feel every nerve hitting her with every kind of feelings. His lips was finally nibbling and making sure to leave a mark while waiting for her next answer.

"Fuck, Kai." She let's out a whimper at the sudden action. She immediately grabbed his other free hand for support, the cold rings giving it an immaculate feeling.

He tuts in disappointment but inside of him he felt his stomach churn at her words, "That's not the answer, sweetheart. I don't think your professor would be very fond of that. It's very inappropriate." He tries to stiffen his chuckles as he speaks against her skin, sending waves through her entire body. She turns to give him a glare, and that erupted the laughter that he wanted to stiffen so badly, his body shaking with laughter.

After a few seconds he stops laughing, his eyes darkens from his thoughts. He bites his lip as he eyes her entire body and begans running his finger slowly on her thigh, the cold metal rings sending a huge amount of pleasure that was unexpected. She gasps, trying to focus.

He then starts nibbling on her skin again, and that made Y/N grips his other hand even tighter, "Go on." He mumbles against her skin.

"T–The Sumerians are often credi–credited with inventing the wheel. At the center of each m-major city was a temple to the city's god c-called a ziggurat, shit–" She moans when he hits a sensitive spot.

He let's out a chuckle, "Shit? I don't think that should be in the answer." He wonders and she gives him a half–hearted glare.

"Joking. Im proud of my nerd." She turns around, almost offended by his remark.

"Shut up." She places her hand on the nape of neck and adjusts herself by hugging her legs around his waist before pulling him into a languid, heated kiss.

They pull away after, their forehead resting on the other. She plays with his hair and he hums silently, "I'm so glad you're here. I was really stressed." Y/N admits, which makes Kai grin widely.

"I'm always here for my girl." He smiles at her, tucking her hair behind her ears.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

My thoughts were interrupted by Caroline, her adorable innocent tone cutting the depths of the memory that had happened 2 days ago.

"You've been staring at the floor for 45 minutes, which leads me to believe that something is wrong." Caroline immediately brings a shot up to her lips and drinks it like nothing.

"Just a little upset." I shrug, the upsetting apart was a huge emphasis on the upcoming exams.

"Is it because Kai is speaking to that girl over there?" She points towards the left and I roll my eyes. I forgot I was at a party.

"Kai speaking to another girl? I don't think so–" I turn around with the widest smile ever expecting that Caroline saw someone else or was playing around.

But she didn't see someone else and she wasn't playing around. She was telling the truth.

My smile quickly disappears and I place my cup of coffee on the table, upset. I knew Kai wouldn't do anything to me, but it wasn't a sight I'd see everyday. I place a hair strand behind my ear and lean to hear them but I couldn't.

"exauditum eos." I whisper and look down to make it not obvious that I'm overhearing them.

"What are you doing–" I immediately hold my index finger to Caroline to signal her that I was using a spell that could overhear them.

"You caught my eyes two weeks ago when I saw you in town, but I've never seen such a gorgeous guy like you. Are you even from here?" The woman asks kai as her breasts almost touch him.

I bite my inside lip to stop myself from crying, wondering why he was accepting that behavior from a woman, especially a very attractive one. I could feel jealousy running through my blood. One feeling that I couldn't really push, was sadness. She had the face of a model, her tight black dress showing her figure that I always dreamed of having. She was everything I wasn't and that made me furious because I knew I could never give Kai what she had.

He chuckles as if he didn't have a problem with how close they were. They were too close and he was accepting it. "Gorgeous guys come and go, sweetheart. So no, not from here." He bites his lip as he looks at woman with no interest. I still felt jealousy although he was not interested at all.

I clench my teeth as I cringed at what he had said. Sweetheart. He always calls me that ironically.

She looks at him through her eyelashes with a lip bite, "I feel very connected to you."

I felt like I was going crazy once I saw that she was leaning. How could Kai not see that she was trying to kiss him? Was he okay with it?

Her lips met his, and I could see that his eyes widened and that his body froze. My heart shatters at the sight as I heard Caroline slightly gasp, "Are you okay?" She grabs my hand, concerned. I nod and let out tears but I quickly wipe them away, my hand grasping the coffee angrily.

Kai stood there awkwardly as I see that he gulped, his apple bone bouncing as he does so.

Kai was a heretic so I assumed he heard Caroline, because he disconnects the kiss, wipes his lips, and turns to look our way.

He sees my teary eyes and vulnerable soul in pain. I knew it was also his fault for even leading the woman that was infront of him. I felt like a foul at the moment for trying to justify that he wasn't interested, when clearly he could've avoided it if he never flirted back.

I shake my head in disbelief, "Hey it's okay Y/N–" Caroline begins to speak.

I turn around to look at the floor, "uri venis." I mutter as tears fall down my face, Caroline frowning and placing her thumb up to remove the tear.

The girl standing with him started clenching her teeth and shut her eyes, whining in pain from the spell i had just said. The sounds she let out bought me satisfaction, although I was still angry. It wasn't even her fault, she doesn't know he has a girlfriend. Yet, I wanted to take my anger out on anyone, because this wasn't the first time this happened. It was the second time. Maybe because I wasn't good enough or pretty enough. Either ways, Jealousy and hurt was all that was coursing through my blood.

I turn around with teary eyes to see Kai concerned for her, grabbing her before she could fall to the floor. He turns around to me as he pleads with his eyes for me to stop.

I stop the spell because I felt pity at the moment. I grabbed the purse that was on the table, as I heard Caroline say something.

"Hey don't leave–"

I angrily storm out as tears fell, my heels clicking on the floor as I walk too fast. My breathing increased and the sobs were louder, all I could feel was the walls getting tighter around me.

I hear the door swing very fast, and I knew who it was.

"Hey Y/N–" I still walk fast towards my car, not acknowledging him at all.

"Even when you're wearing heels you're veryyyyy fast. Please wait up my feet is cramping. Did you put a spell on my feet?" I hear Kai once again but I avoid him.

I quickly open the door to the front car seat, about to get in but Kai slams it, "I–"

"How could you let her kiss you?" I turn around to look at him with my puffy red eyes. I swore he let her get too close.

He gulps and sighs, "I didn't kiss her, she kissed me."

"This is the second time, Kai! If this was me in your place, I wouldn't talk to any guy because it's always going to be you." I give him a pointed glare, not done with my words.

"And you let her get close to you. As much as i would love to defend you, God, I can't! I can't just excuse your actions in all times because I'm in love with you!"

I've never expected myself to say the L word although I just did, I could see that he froze once I said it, but I didn't care if he says it back or doesn't, cause this was the last time i was going to be having a conversation with him. I look down as I back away, I felt ashamed for no reason.

"Hey..." He starts as he tries to get close to me but I felt weak at this moment.

I knew Kai wasn't capable of love, so at this point I had to push him away because I was afraid of rejection.

"No don't even start, Kai. The same thing happened a month ago, and I don't want it to happen again." I try to stop myself from breaking down, reffering to another girl kissing him and the exact thing happening, "You could've avoided this."

His eyes were teared up, a sight you wouldn't see on the Malachai Parker which truly hurt me so much, "Please don't say it."

My breathing increases and so does tears, "You think I want this? I don't. Because believe it or not, you're the only one who I truly felt connected with."

His hands goes to my cheeks and I wanted so badly to stand my ground, because I didn't wanna break especially infront of him, but all that was heard from me was the sobs the elected out of my throat painfully.

"I'm so sorry. I am so sorry." He chokes from the tears, "But you're the only one who never gave up on me. You made me feel." His lips quiver, my hands immediately goes up to the hands that was holding my cheeks so delicately, a touch that electrified me in every way.

I sigh deeply, looking up at his blue eyes that were light more than ever, yet, the emotions that swirled in there was pain that made him want to fall until he reached the ground, the only person that could save him was me.

"You hurt me, twice. My jealousy isn't going to do you any better, Kai." My voice wasn't audible at the moment.

"I-I will never hurt you again. I would rather sit by your side and never leave you. I care about you, I–" He stops for a second, his eyes going back and forth to my right and left eye, "I love you. I love you so much. You taught me what that was."

My eyes widen and my lips part, like I was relieved that he had finally told me that loved me, but another feeling overpowered every feeling I had towards him. I was hurt, really hurt that Kai was finally capable of feeling towards someone but I was the one to break him, because truly, I don't wanna get hurt again. Seeing a woman truly beautiful twice kissing him, made my heart ache. I knew truly I could never offer the beauty that they had.

I shake my head, "You don't mean that." I whisper. I wanted him to do anything, like laugh at my face and say that he actually didn't mean that and then he leaves for good, I wanted it to be false so leaving him wouldn't hurt. I wanted to believe that it was a lie.

"But I do. I would kill for you. Hell– I would die for you. What does this mean to you, Y/N?" He gulps as he waits for my answer, but I truly don't know how to answer to this.

His eyes searches mine deeply like he wanted to find the answers but also wanted them locked away.

I was going to say it either ways, although I could hear my heart shatter everytime I repeated the words in my mind.

"I'm sorry, but it's over." It was like a huge meteor had hit me right in the chest, because I could see Kai looking down in defeat. Although I couldn't see him, I heard him so vividly. Silent sobs escaped his throat, and I take his hands off of my face.

"I need you in my life." It was as if he was trying to give me a message that he'd fall without me.

"I'm sorry– I'm so sorry but I can't do this. I can't get hurt again." I immediately open the door to my car, shutting it after.

I start the engine as angry tears stung my cheeks, but looking at him in the rear view of the car, he looks like he had lost something so valuable.

It was the first time I had put myself first. No one deserves having a person as their only happiness either ways.

#kaiparkersmut #kai parker #kaiparker #kai parker smut #kai #kai parker imagine #legacies #parker #the originals #tvd #kaiparkeroneshot #kaiparkerimagine #sadkaiparker imagine #sad kai parker imagine #sad kai parker #sad kai parker one-shot #sad kai parker oneshot #kaiparkerxreader #kai parker x reader #malachai imagine #malachai parker #malachaiparker #malachai x reader #malachaixfemalereader #malachai x female reader #coven leader #covenleader #gemini coven #tvdu #tvdu universe

[ech0schamber]

I am STARVED for akutagawa angst. I am begging!! I need a fic, where reader and aku know each other through the port mafia. Right? They get close 🤭 BOOM?! One day she leaves like dazaii?!!! 🤯 (omg) he is obviously betrayed. BUT THEN (drumroll) CONFRONTATION. He finds her again. How will it end up? Could he ever forgive her?? 🤔

ahhh, i really hope that you don't mind that i'm sticking to the bulleted headcanon list like my other posts! i'm really bad at writing drabbles (is that what it's called?)

☆you had worked for the port mafia for quite some time, slowly working yourself up the ranks

☆during that process, you had become close friends with this emo cat. akutagawa had actually started to admire you after a while. it seemed like no matter how hard the job, or how injured you got, you always got right back up with a cheery smile on your face

☆he would eventually become fascinated by you, but who wouldn't? you seemed too nice to be a part of the port mafia, a little too happy as well. it's like nothing in the world could actually get you down

☆let's pretend that was all a façade tho! it's exhausting to work for mori, especially since it doesn't seem like he cares about the members of the port mafia unless they are a higher up

☆you never let it show, but it was really starting to wear you down. each scar you got was just another reminder of what hell you were put through everyday

☆i'd like to think that even akutagawa never noticed this. the two of you had become really close friends, he'd even fight to keep you safe if you got too badly injured during a mission, something he doesn't do for anyone (besides gin)

☆it was kinda obvious to everyone else that aku liked you. but you were an oblivious fuck /affecationate

☆it got to the point that people started to take bets on who would ask out who first, when you guys would actually get together, or if you guys would get together at all

☆don't judge them, it can boring at work sometimes

☆but of course, some stories don't get a happy ending :]

☆you had grown too exhausted from the work you had to endure everyday, tired of the scars that litter your body, and just tired of dealing with mori. you had run away, left everything behind. you wanted a new life for yourself

☆of course, you wanted to explain to akutagawa first. you had debating telling him for a full week before you decided against it. it was going to hurt, but you had to leave. akutagawa would for sure try to keep you in the port mafia, he saw no point in leaving this life style

☆so instead, you had packed the bare necessities and ran away like a dog running away from a scolding. you didn't have too much money, so you couldn't leave yokohama. you didn't think too much of it, yokohama is pretty big right? there's no way that the port mafia has power over all of it

☆and your plan had worked. you actually managed to get away from the port mafia, you had settled down and found a job at a small shop near your place. it wasn't the best work in the world, but it made you happy. you had finally found peace through the raging storm

☆it had actually been a couple of years before you ran into any members of the port mafia. you had probably changed the way you look now, but not drastic enough that no one would recognize you

☆and of course, it was akutagawa that you ran into :]

☆the port mafia had been informed that someone who looked like you was working for the same small shop. of course someone was gonna rat you out, you don't exactly get to just leave the mafia without some conflict!

☆mori had decided to send akutagawa for this as he'd be more likely to recognize it it was actually you or not

☆so there he was, casually strolling into the shop you worked at. he immediately recognized you, and was filled with a bad mix of emotions. fury, betrayal, sadness. he almost started a fight with you before you even noticed that he was there

☆thankfully you had noticed before and shooed him out of the shop before the owner started to question things. he oh so casually threatened you, stating that you better explain everything before he used roshomon on you

☆while you didn't explain all of it, you did tell him that you were tired of the life style that came with being part of the port mafia. you had grown tired of the constant fighting, of constantly worrying about your life, tired of the scars, just tired of it all. you were shaking by the time you were finished speaking, you added that you just wanted to move on and make something good out of your life. you only life once, yeah?

☆you also told him that you wanted to tell him. you didn't want to leave him in the dark like that, but it wasn't safe to do that. if someone had found out that he knew where you were, they would torture him until he finally let up. you were too scared to tell him, and it still hurt like hell that you had to do that to him

☆little did you know that aku had finally managed to gather his feelings up, and was about to ask you out before you left :,]

☆he didn't speak much during this confrontation. it hurt to find this out, it hurt to see you again. all those emotions he managed to bury came flooding back, except for the love he once carried for you.

☆you had finally managed to ask if he would forgive you. you were met with a simple "no"

☆it hurt, but you could understand why. you were more shocked when he talked again.

"But I won't tell the boss where you are."

☆he, of course, didn't let you respond to this before he turned and walked away. you couldn't help but smile at that. maybe some stories have a bittersweet ending

☆and he kept true to his word, he reported back that it was just a misunderstanding, that it was simply just someone that looked like you

☆but now you two avoid each other in public, not wanting to stir those emotions back up. let's hope that mori never sees you. im pretty sure he will kill you if he does

-------

i hope this is angsty enough :']

#bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #akutagawa x reader

[dareactions]

I just have a few requests x3

How about the companions react to a Young!Inquisitor reacting to solas's betrayal by saying this: "I dont know why I was surpprised, everyone I have ever loved has either left me,died,betrayed me somehow,or given me copious amounts of trauma. I'm kinda numb to it all at this point" and they stop hiding their emotions and they just look....so old? Like almost broken old?

I return just to hit y'all w the angst hammer im so sorry. (I'm not <3)

Solas goes first bcs he is a big meanie and should feel bad for hurting poor young!inquisitor smh

Solas: It's not the answer he expects or the response he wants. There's no doubt that he knew from the beginning that he'd hurt them, that no matter what happened they would look at him as if he'd lit their entire life on fire and watched it burn down but not once had he even considered that they'd look so- aged. There's a horrifyingly burning feeling in his chest and he wants to grab their shoulders and beg for them to be angry, kick, scream- do anything a normal person would. But instead, they're just staring at him so exhausted and for once Solas feels dread.

Cassandra: Her first initial feeling, is anger. Cassandra always responds to things with that first burst of fiery rage and need for justice, but once that passes it's just the need to protect. She finally understands her own brother, a bit. Cassandra helps in the only ways she knows, holding the Inquisitor until they finally let themself cry, and after that, she makes it her own personal life goal to cave in the skull of anyone who ever makes them make that expression again. She considers for just a moment if maybe she is part of the problem (she knows she is, she remembers the first time they met in that cell), but she can't bring herself to think about it.

Blackwall: He knows he is part of the problem, of that long list of people who have lied and turned tail when it came down to it. And fuck if he doesn't feel bad. Blackwall hates to admit that he is an expert in self-pity but he really can't help the wave of self-hatred that seeing the Inquisitor like that brings. He has never seen someone young seem so old but then he remembers young soldiers, young mages, and templars all with that same dead look in their eyes. Blackwall turns away, he might make them small trinkets and keep an eye on them but he is nowhere near brave enough to look them in the face for nearly a week after that.

Dorian: So, he is adopting them- everyone shut up, you don't get to pick. It's his younger sibling now and as their new legal guardian, he would want everyone to back the fuck off. Dorian is the most likely I think to fall into the attempts of regaining normalcy for the Inquisitor. He treats them the same, doesn't matter what horrifying piece of information they may have dropped he keeps the same level of jest and care between them. But he is more keen-eyed on making sure nobody gets too close, that nobody says something that no teenager or child should year. Nothing is more horrifying than a Pavus with protective habits, let me tell you that much.

Sera: I love Sera, but she is fucking horrid with the emotional support and she knows it. Sera will step around like she is walking on glass shards, get annoyed and say something bordering on insensitive and then realize what she has done- and try her best to mend things. Sera forgot their age, she said and had them help with things that maybe a child shouldn't deal with but no child in Ferelden isn't broken a little bit, so she isn't entirely sure how to navigate someone so numb to it all. Sera of course suggests crime, that always makes her feel better and it'll make them feel better for sure.

Iron Bull: See, the Inquisitor is a member of the Bull's Chargers. That means they're family and they're looking so fucking miserable and sad right now that it just means that he kicks into that need to protect. Bull knows better than to lean onto his past mistakes and regrets, think about everything he could've done better at this point to protect them. He just is more weary, more aware of their age- he does his best to keep some semblance of childhood in their life even if its far too late. And if things get too hard he pats their shoulder, leans down and reminds them 'horns pointed up, chin high' because nobody can take them down and if they are too numb to go on then he'll just have to re-ignite their flame.

Varric: Oh, he has seen that look before. Hawke carried it like a horrifying shadow of dread after their mom, after everything. He remembers the glazed over look, the empty tone of voice and the exhaustion. The way nothing is hidden on their face and he hates it. A part of Varric had promised himself to not let it get to this point, and he failed miserably. Varric never saw himself as much of a parental figure but somehow he falls into one pretty easily after that reveal, he is far less willing to let things slide. Varric is the first to admit he will put a bolt through Solas throat if he sees him again though.

Vivienne: She sees that expression, hears those words and she sees red. If you've ever seen this woman mad you've never seen her mad like this and it's like watching a mother lion with its cub. It's almost laughable when people try to get too close to do something after this, it's as if the Inquisitor has their own personal mom to freeze people at will now. She can't undo that hurt, she knows she can't, but she sure as hell can help them in the future.

Cole: Oh this poor lad, he feels that pain into his very core and it makes him feel like he will shatter and break himself. Cole is hovering, but not in the way that Cass of Vivienne is- he hovers in a surprisingly...helpful way. Cole whispers words of comfort, reminds them of the good and is well aware of when to be quiet. Sometimes he can help, not with everything, but this he can help with and he does so the only way he knows- words of truth and letting the Inquisitor wear his hat and hug him, obviously.

#its my comeback tour #cole #dragon age writing #dragon age inquisiton #cassandra pentaghast #vivienne de fer #blackwall #solas #iron bull #the iron bull #sera #dorian pavus #young!inquisitor #dragon age reacts

[minalblood]

I'm back and I'm so sorry! I won't make any promises for the last 2 ep of the Winchesters, but I will be reviewing/rewatching them anyways just ... who knows when, I dont!

But let's get started on You've got a Friend 1x11.

I hopefully will be a bit less rambly since O have a draft of my thoughts already written for this and its less... as Im watching (i can post that too if yall wanna but dunno if ull understand my handwriting)

We begin where we left off and I love that we have this scene of them needing to clean up, adds realism, adds dimension to the world. Love also that we begin with Lata being the Lata we all love - dejected in this case about her chimera paw was ruined. Queue Carlos with the teasing. The 2 of em banter a bit before Mary redirects us all to the matter at hand.

And Mary has come a long way in these episodes, because she may not join the banter (still closed off somewhat as opposed to Carlos and Lata's easy repartee) but she is going off of it and adding them into her area of interest.

But all stops when John come in blood soaked and in shock - Mary instantly worried he might be hurt, but nope, not this time.

I am so happy to see them portray the actual shock and numbness John is feeling, then the guilt and sadness, just all the reaction to Kyle's death really. And considering the survivor's guilt John is lugging around, it makes it even more heartbreaking. I also love seeing that Mary is the level headed one here - she,.imo, is clearly pushing down the grief to focus on John's issues here, hell we see very little of her grieving in this episode and everytime we do, she's quick to redirect that feeling into action - sometimes into violence point blank. She does it here, asking what the Akrida could want, she does it even moreso with Millie, where she does open up a bit since Millie is offering comfort, but then it turns into Millie coming with a plan which directly leads to Mary wanting to storm the police station guns blazing and the ep ends with Mary and John discussing Kyle (also god Mary looks absolutely exhausted here, fuck) but Mary derails it by saying they need to find Dean instead. She's def not allowing herself the moment to deal with Kyle's death which may prove relevant when discussing next episode.

I'd forgotten this ep was the Lata episode. Like ep 8 was Carlos', this one is Lata's. And god does it hurt.

1st, move the feather boa, Carlos!

2nd, I do genuinely believe Lata and Maggie were together. Everything in this episode points that way to me (but especialy the sweetpea nickname) We'll round back to this though.

The other thing we note in the sequence in Maggie's room is how close Carlos and Lata are to each other. Which we knew, but I always love seeing it again in action.

Before we continue with the emotional core of this ep, we have to get back to plot with Betty! I love Betty..I also can't blame her for being ....hesitant to say the least. Like imagine what she's seen so far: the guy who, before leaving to the marines illegally, proposed to her, is suddently interacting with, apparently, imfamous Mary Campbell, who is seen at several murder/investigation scenes suddenly appears ro have killed someone? And she already knows John had anger issues before hand. Like i get her here. And still shes trying to be nice while doing her job.

Which leads me to the next part, her job. So the detective... he's wording (even with him being really Akrida) echoes a lot of corrupt cop rethoric which only gets further emphasized when he later threatens to have John... killed 'accidently'. And, on top of them, speaking pf policw corruption even a 'good cop' like Betty becomes complicit simply because of the power the Akrida gained via the detective role cuz she was unwittingly helping them throughout.

But god, was John a bit too cocky here. (My notes have this marked as "this is why you let villains monologue, John!"). Especially since he actually doesn't have any info on Dean. (Love that we see the pic of Dean, missed him) l.

Meanwhile Lata and Carlos have found the bracelet and it's fucked them over. Also, I fucking hate the shadows thing, very creepy. Also also it reminds me of the daeva that Meg uses in s1 of SPN. I'm also reminded of SPN with the story the detective tells John about how they'll get rid of him - SPN's own crooked cop ep featured exactly this sorta plan too, but in killing Dean.

Really though, the main thing I found interesting upon rewatch is just how much Lata is our Dean mirror in this one. Specifically, in getting targeted by the bracelet she's forced to relive a trauma (Sania's death) via Carlos acting as substitute, only this time she succeeds where prior she thought she failed (which lemme make clear, no, Lata was at no point and in no way at fault, but she did internalize that guilt - much like Dean tends to internalize guilt) . Which Dean, much like Lata ends up doing when getting involved with this universe, ends up reliving a trauma (his parents death - Mary especially) of something he failed, in his mind, to prevent/save via rescuing this universe's Mary. And much like Lata, who can't undo what happened to Sania, but can "begin to make it better" (the Hey Jude line just hit me so I had to use it), so too can Dean. It won't change what happened in his life, wont save his mom, but it will help him heal nonetheless.

Adding to this Maggie? Who opperates as a Cas parallel here - she was Lata's person, who shared everything with Lata but Lata couldn't in turn for fear of judgement/shame, who notably is dead and thus Lata can't ever reveal her secret to. Well, it hurts is what it does.

But watching this I noticed another interesting thing though, for all that the bracelet seems to work like Osiris (pulling on the guilt the person feels is most agregious), the bracelet actually seems to want the wearer to get out. Carlos is taken just as Lata begins wondering which secret it's trying to make her face and is sent to Sania's room - direct answer. Then later,.even more blatant, using Maggie's face, tries to get Lata to disclose the secret, but Lata talks around it instead til the creature takes her too.

It seems like Erebus had a test for his warriors, one he wanted them to win.

Throughout all of Lata's story, I was seething. I truly hate her family and Carlos was 100% saying exactly what I was thinking.

Another thing I appreciated though, about Carlos, is the emotional maturity. Yes they were dying and yes it was urgent that Lata disclose her secret but Carlos made certain to reassure her throughout. Tried to give her as much space as possible.

In other thoughts, Lata's mom making that "vs family" distinction, uuuh it rattled sth in me only to them have Lata say "my parents would never look at m the same way"? In the Dean Winchester show? God, the echoes of John's shitty parenting were deafening. Bur yes to eveything Carlos said. It truly wasnt Lata's fault.

And I adore also the ending conversation between Lata and Carlos (both wearing blue and god I want Carlos' coat) because yes, this kind of stuff shouldn't be forced out on anither persons whim. Lata doesn't have to tell John and Mary anything, it is her story to tell, but also yes, Carlos is right to reassure her that if she wants to share it with them, they'll likely react well like he did. And yes the reason this particular scene hit so hard is partially personal, but because of that it drove me insane in SPN where there was a tendency for people to push other to open up at their own whim (and yes, Sam did it often to mutiple people, hounding them until they cracked and spilled whatever trauma they were trying to deal with but then have nothing to give in return, no comfort or even really reaction, and yes he most of all did it to Dean a lot and it did puss me off) So yea, love this episode for the Lata and Carlos of it all!

Also I have a few questions, when Millie was trying to convince Betty about the supernatural, at one point she said "it's not like-" and cut off. She was trying to defend against the accusation of 'playing make believe). Also, Betty says sth like "Mary, I expected.this from" with relation once more to her not believing in monsters soooo.... has Mary ever been taken in under suspicion of being delusional? Was Millie? Or John?! I've questions ok i need y'alls opinions on this one.

Also, I would've soo cracked if the Akrida asked about Dean, cuz I def miss him a lot and id fucking gush about him at that point.

Anyways, that's it for this one. See you guys next time where we'll be clowning (have I mentioned I hate clowns?)

@noybusiness thanks for push earlier this month, i needed that a lot and thanks for the support for this rewatch ❤

@shallowseeker thanks the new posts, been inspiring me to get back to writing this ❤

#spnwin #spnwin rewatch #spnwin 1x11 #also yea it wasnt much shorter than my usual #which is a problem since it fucking 3.30am here and ive work tomorrow #oh well #it was fun tho