#and for people who think it doesn't invalidate their label?

[gnometa233]

"Trans men and lesbians can date!!" "Trans men and straight men can date!!" "Lesbian includes attraction to men!!!" "Labels mean nothing just use what you want!!!" what if I threw a rock at you.

#lgbt discourse #queer discourse #queer #yes ive seen all of those things being said unironically #y'all wanna include men in lesbianism so bad #y'all wanna invalidate trans men so bad #just say you're a mysoginist and go #just say you don't see trans men as real men and go #and for people who think it doesn't invalidate their label? #why even bother? why do y'all refuse to identify as bisexual? #why do you continue to disrespect lesbians and trans men #we can be different communities and still respect and uplift each other #identify as you want but one day you'll learn that actions have consequences #and get called a transphobe #and i will LAUGH #lgbt+ #anti bi lesbians #also labels mean things and if you don't agree with it don't participate in society! #because everything and everyone has labels whether you like it or not

[sing-you-fools]

we really need to stop defining queerness by how much someone has suffered for it.

which is to say: no more "I don't claim [label] because I haven't experienced the suffering they face"

look. trans means you don't identify with the gender you were assigned at birth. it doesn't have an implicit "and people are EVIL to YOU SPECIFICALLY because of it!" attached. because if that's how we define it, then a trans woman with supportive friends and family in a generally accepting area... what? doesn't get to call herself trans? because that's what you implied.

I think this is where a lot of exclusionist discourse comes from. "they're appropriating our struggle by calling themselves queer!" they aren't. they really aren't. they're calling themselves queer because they're queer. there is no struggle inherent in being queer. the struggle is imposed on us by the cishetallo-normative world we live in and bigots in our communities. the queerness comes from within.

"what if a cishet aro man--" no. I don't care. if a cishet aro man wants to be included in queer spaces, he can be, because he's queer. aromanticism falls under the queer umbrella and we will therefore treat them the same way we treat everyone else in our community. "But what if he's lying about being aromantic to be a predator?" then we kick him out for being a creep, not because aromanticism isn't queer!

we are absolutely allowed to remove people who are making us uncomfortable from our circles! you can kick a person out of an event! you can ban a person from a space! you can block a person! there are plenty of valid reasons to do this and plenty of queer people of all identities who suck and would rightfully get kicked out of a lot of spaces! but you can't tell someone else they aren't queer! you don't get to invalidate someone like that just because you made up a scenario or defined queerness by how miserable it makes you!

as time goes on we're going to have a lot more people coming out into a world that accepts them with open arms and if your sole metric for how deserving someone is of a seat at the table is how much their life has sucked, you will be excluding a lot of people of all identities!

#queer #lgbtq+ #lgbtqia+ #lgbt #trans #aromantic #queerness is more than suffering #let's celebrate our joy instead #sing-you-fools

[bebsi-cola]

i was already chewing this over but i got some reblogs that made me consider saying my opinion out loud. to be direct: applying the dynamics of identity based politics towards disability is a far inferior social analysis than treating disability as a class [and gaining some class consciousness]

social analysis benefits from zooming out from time to time otherwise we risk focusing too much on the individual when society and culture is about groups of people.

i don't dislike discussions around identity in regards to social analysis. there's many instances where it's worthwhile. although i feel like the strength of any analysis of the sort would be linking the individual (identity) to the collective (social status). the categories that make up "identity" are made relevant by the social, cultural, and material conditions which brought them into existence. for example i am mixed race and may identify as such. but the existence of this label hinges on the global understanding and categorization of race, and that which separates white people from brown people.

in this sense when you make disabilities about identity, it sort of levels everyone into "disabled" or "not disabled" instead of looking at disability as something belonging to a class of disenfranchised people. which is why i think people get threatened by the idea that there are heavily disabled people, because they feel like it's shifting the cornerstones of the criteria for "disabled" away from them and taking that "identity" away. i also think this is why intra-community disagreements end up becoming so personal: because of the notion that someone disagreeing with you, a disabled person, on disability, is an invalidation of your legitimate claim to the disabled identity. instead of what it usually is - a difference of opinions based on either different experiences, levels of knowledge, locations, or so forth

furthermore there are people with health conditions that are not disabling. it may disadvantage them in some situations, but it largely doesn't exclude them from abled society. there are also people who are usually abled, but currently have an injury. most people i talk to would agree that they are not disabled. i think both of these groups might have overlapping experiences with the disabled community. but if you centre disability on identity, and having the experiences to justify that identity, then people with health conditions are forced to frame them as a disability to be listened to, and disabled people often dislike their experiences being related to by someone who was injured for a few months.

i think this is what leads to conflicting ideas, loopholes, and arguements. i think it is fine to say that a person who had to use crutches for 3 months will have some knowledge on the experience of using crutches. but they are not disabled like me, a full time crutch user - not because we don't share experiences (we might do!) but because our relationship to abled society, and our social status as people are different. being disabled disenfranchises you legally, socially, academically, economically, culturally, and religiously even. this makes up a large part of the disabled class experience, even though some people who are not disabled may relate to us in symptoms, and even if two people who are disabled have no common symptoms!

finally if you consider disabled people as a class then you can rightly call ableist disabled people what they are: class traitors

#bebsi posting #disability #physically disabled #chronic illness #long post

[butch-reidentified]

TRULY think we need to standardize the term "cis-identifying" in The Discourse

tired of hearing the claim that "trans-identifying" invalidates their identity etc etc & them rly just not grasping why we use it, why it isn't intended as a specific attack toward trans identity, just an incidental byproduct of us not sharing their ideology. "trans-identifying" wasn't created to invalidate, but to literally recognize their identity, as desired, while not being dishonest about our dissent from gender identity ideology.

"cis-identifying" also allows us to be more clear when we speak about believers of this ideology, bc as I find myself constantly saying, TRA is not a synonym for trans; TRA doesn't include all trans ppl or even all trans-identifying people (I differentiate bc I know gender critical transitioners who don't refer to themselves as the opposite sex or anything, ie dysphoric males whove medically transitioned and call themselves exactly that), and TRA most definitely includes a lot of cis-identifying people.

the term cis-identifying indicates what we've been told "cis" means, but limits itself to those who embrace the ideology and, resultingly, the term. someone who subscribes to gender identity ideology and believes their internal gender identity corresponds with their "agab."

using BOTH versions of these terms (trans identity and cis identity, trans-identifying and cis-identifying, etc) serves to specify that we see both of these labels equally as part of an ideological set of beliefs we simply don't subscribe to. it helps clarify that we don't believe in "cisgender" any more than we do any other gender identity.

i just think it's useful, and I've found it useful a few times since I started using it, though admittedly that was pretty recently

idk if this is gonna make sense to anyone but me. lmk gyns

#mine #radblr #gender identity ideology #GII #cis-identifying #trans-identifying #cis identity #trans identity #gender ideology #terfblr

[cakesmelons]

idk if your still gonna answer asks about the situation but as a fellow trans person i need to explain something that i'm noticing a lot of people are not understanding (don't worry this isnt at you or anyone upset with cal) i'm seeing quite a few people go "she's sticking to her beliefs and being respectful! she's not being transphobic so what's the big deal!?" and i genuinely want the people saying this to read this post and take into consideration on why this doesn't make the situation any better her belief is a very outdated and also dangerous one because believing that there can only be a male and a female invalidates so many people (trans, enby, non-binary, intersex etc) and those beliefs can cause actual harm to people to the point of literal hate crimes, i'm sorry but you guys shouldn't give her a pat on the back for "sticking to her beliefs" because her beliefs are very, very harmful and i've even seen other christens disagree with her and try to explain to her why this is bad

secondly; there's also how she called trans people a label and used the term in quotation marks, we are not a label we are living breathing human beings who want to be happy with ourselves and have a right to exists thirdly and there's the elephant in the room... the twitter likes and follows, it's proven many times that cal has liked straight up horrible transphobic and homophobic tweets and even follows people like matt walsh who want lgbtq+ people dead, if anyone defending her didn't know about the twitter stuff then that's fine but if you did and still defend her then it's clear you guys are beyond help closing statement: the reason why people are very upset with cal is that she lied to so many trans people in the community with a cut and dry example of being two-faced, you simply cannot say you respect trans people and interact with them while also going out of your way to have a low-key transphobic belief, liking transphobic stuff and following transphobic people especially when undertale and deltarune cannonicly have lgbtq+ character (cal even drawing said lgbtq+ characters like undyne for example which i find rich since i've heard she doesn't like mlm and wlw ships) and the community having SO MUCH lgbtq+ people this isn't a "lets agree to disagree" situation, this isn't drama either, this is a very serious situation also i've seen people go "she hasn't said any hate in the past!" as an defense, sorry but that doesn't change anything... i think it just makes the fact that she fooled everyone worse anyway sorry for this lengthy asks, i'm too scared to make a post but also i've been very upset about the situation and wanted to get my thoughts out because the way people are defending her without understanding why this is actually very bad is making me facepalm so hard sincerely, a very emotional trans man

I really don't have anything to add. This is a pretty good summary of this whole thing.

#and anon 🫂 #hug for you. i know a shit ton of us are in the same boat #hurt to hell and back because of her #we're all here for each other though #melons answers #anonymous

[genderkoolaid]

i'm sorry this is kinda out of your usual wheelhouse (not really a transmasc-specific thing) but I wanted to know if this is an ok opinion or not: a friend of mine found out someone who made a popular pride flag for their identity wasn't that identity anymore. They were trying to convince me that it should be "retired" because it "needed to be made by someone who was actually that identity". I said that was a horrible outlook because labels shifting doesn't invalidate your past identity but they keep hassling me about it. this is a shitty take right??? i'm not secretly bigoted?????

No thats a ridiculous take to have.

Its part of this queer-purity ideology that's big in online queer spaces, which is hyperfixated on inane shit like flags and labels following all the Queer Rules and being Morally Pure. like if you think a flag being made by someone who later changes their identity is Bad because "flags should be made by members of the community!" my friend you are theorypoisoned. you need to go talk to other people and get in touch with lived experiences and realities and realize that a flag being made by someone who used to identify with a term in good faith, and then later changed their identity, is literally a nonproblem.

theory is not law. the idea that, in general, members of a community should have the most active role in the language and representation of that community does not mean that any circumstance where someone creates something for that community without technically being a part of it is a Queer Crime.

#m. #ask box

[nunalastor]

not to get this too heavy but like - i'm genuinely so so sick of people who think they're "defending" alastor's sexuality by claiming ppl shouldn't ship him Ever and harrassing ppl who do. usually they show up more with other alastor ships, but i've seen some ppl on appleradio stuff as well. idk if any of them are stalking the radioapple tags on here or not but, from another aroacespec person, it just feels incredibly invalidating to have it be insisted again and again that aro and/or ace people must never experience ANY attraction, must not want any sexual or romantic relationship and must be repulsed by it, must not have a libido, 193921 other things that honestly just sounds like some puritan religious bs (full circle moment? full circle moment). yes absolutely there are aro/ace people who fit into that criteria, and their identity is so so so valid. however, a lot of aro/ace ppl don't. it's a wider spectrum than non-aroacespec people think. asexuality/aromanticism is experiencing little or limited attraction, as well as conditional attraction. it's not a great feeling to see so many people hold the sentiment that either you're completely turned off by romance/sex and doesn't have anything or want anything to do with it to be aro/ace. it's already hard enough to be aroacespec and deal with societal expectations. please don't make it harder. alastor being asexual (the label) and sex-repulsed, alastor being asexual and sex-favorable, alastor being grey-ace, etc. are all valid interpretations. let's not use one to erase the other; al can be completely aroace to one person and demiromantic grey ace to another and both can co-exist. all of that said - alastor is a fictional character... seriously there's a lot more to do than argue over fanfiction of a fictional character. in the wise words of ao3, don't like don't read!

👏

#hazbin hotel #nunalastor asks #alastor #hazbin discourse

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

I came out as transfem to my friends a couple months ago, but every now and then I feel like I'm faking it. But when I'm called by my preferred name, my heart starts racing and I get a little smile.

Is this a normal thing?

Lee says:

Experiencing feelings of doubt or questioning like you're "faking it" can be part of the process for many people as they explore their gender identity.

This doesn't invalidate your experiences or your identity; sometimes it's a reflection of navigating a complex personal journey within a society that has rigid norms about gender.

Having doubts is normal, and many people who come out as trans continue to identify as trans throughout their lives, even if they initially had some discomfort getting used to their new identity and occasionally felt like they were faking it.

There are also some folks who feel like they're faking it and while they may not be intentionally faking an identity, that kernel of discomfort and wrongness may be a clue that something isn't quite right yet, whether it's their particular label, their gender expression, their pronouns, or their feelings about the gender roles they feel pressure to inhabit. I'm not saying that this is the case for you-- it seems like it likely isn't-- but I do feel that it's also important to acknowledge that not everyone who questions their gender will ultimately identify as transgender.

There should be no shame in questioning your gender, trying on new labels for a while, even coming out to friends to see how it feels to use the new label/pronouns/name, etc but ultimately reidentifying. The process of exploring one's gender identity is deeply personal and unique to each individual and there's nothing wrong with someone realizing that they aren't trans after all.

I'm writing all of that because I think this type of ask is often sent by folks wanting to know whether what they're feeling is normal because they're seeking reassurance that they're trans.

But we're not really here to reassure you that you're trans. We don't know you! Only you know your gender. If I tried to reassure you by saying "oh yeah I know for sure that you're trans, don't worry!" it would be beyond my scope as someone who is not-you.

I can tell you that it's normal to feel that way, that many other trans folks have felt that way, and that you will find your path eventually. It can be hard to figure it all out, but don't stress! Everyone always seems to have this super big sense of internal urgency, but it's okay to not be 100% certain of your gender identity, and to feel that way for months or even years.

Be patient with yourself. Understanding your gender identity is a journey, and it's okay to take your time. There's no rush to figure everything out immediately or to fit into any particular box. Trust yourself, and allow your journey to unfold in a way that feels authentic to you. All that being said, your current identity is valid, regardless of whether it shifts over time.

It's super common to have feelings of doubt and wrongness and feelings of faking it at the start of a transition, and that doesn't necessarily have to overshadow the joy and happiness that you experience when you're called by your preferred name. That gender euphoria you described is super real!

Seeking support can be incredibly helpful. This might include talking to friends who understand and support your journey, joining support groups for people exploring their gender identity, or finding a therapist who specializes in gender identity issues. These resources can provide a space to discuss your feelings, explore your identity, and receive support from others who have had similar experiences. Your feelings and experiences are real, and they deserve acknowledgment and respect.

Anons say:

(See follow-up post here!)

#Lee says #trans #questioning #faking it #identity

[arotechno]

the way the aro community talks about attraction is inadequate

Disclaimer: The following is in no way intended to invalidate, shame, or "call out" anyone for using whatever language or terminology they see fit to describe their own experiences. This is about community-wide trends and pressures, rather than individual choices.

As an aroace, I've never felt a particular desire to label other types of attraction I may or may not feel. Identifying as aroace is a way for me to express my disconnect with what society at large views as healthy, normal, valuable, and aspirational; that is, a committed, monogamous, sexual and romantic relationship. I don't want those things. I'm not able to even understand them. But by and large, beyond that, I don't find the framework of different types of attraction very useful at all.

This is the fatal flaw of the split-attraction model in its most advanced form: it's predicated on the idea that there are distinct types of attraction that can be qualified and quantified in neat and tidy boxes. Just as there are people for whom romantic and sexual attraction cannot be separated, there are many (like myself) for whom the very concept of attraction breaks down more and more the more you try to categorize it.

Here's the thing: relationships (of any kind) aren't inherently predicated on attraction, just as they aren't necessarily predicated on love. We can understand, as a community, why an aro person might have a successful romantic relationship despite not feeling romantic attraction, or why an ace person might enjoy engaging in sex even if they are not sexually attracted to their partner. Attraction does not equal action. So why, then, must we make the assumption that everyone must categorize their feelings in terms of attraction at all? This is how we end up with terms like queerplatonic attraction, which warps the original definition of queerplatonic such that a QPR becomes something predicated on a separate kind of attraction that is more unique and special than "regular" platonic feelings, rather than being a broad type of non-romantic relationship that is deliberately built and developed by the people in it based on their own personal needs and desires, and not necessarily based on some ephemeral type of attraction.

This sort of trend towards hyper-categorization is extremely frustrating to someone like me, who doesn't view their relationships or their feelings for others in terms of attraction at all. I'm not platonically "attracted" to my friends, I don't think. I love them platonically (deeply, unconditionally, almost like family), but naming it as attraction makes me almost uncomfortable. Others may not feel that way and that's fine. It's no skin off my nose how people choose to talk about their own feelings. But the implicit expectation in a lot of aro spaces is that you will label your attraction, your feelings, your experiences, your desires, your orientations according to such-and-such paradigms, as if we can wordsmith our way out of simply understanding one another. As if the diversity of aromantic experiences were something we need to break down and quantify.

All of these things are socially constructed. Sex, romance, love, relationships, attraction. That doesn't make them not real, but they are not divinely granted concepts with their own inherent, easy-to-understand taxonomy. We make up the language necessary to describe complex and diverse human experiences as best we can, because it's the only way. But what is absolutely crucial to remember, as a crucial tenet of aro activism and beyond, is that none of these models work for every single person, and needn't be prescriptive.

#not putting this under a readmore. read my post lol #aro #aromantic #aro community #intracommunity #qpr #queerplatonic #aro terminology #long post #op #i'm doing hot girl shit (posting hot takes about models of attraction)

[pissditching]

I've noticed something in the discussion around Gerard Way and trans identity that I am officially fed the fuck up with. While talking about Gerard's outfits from the second leg of the tour, people love to use use the line "clothes ≠ gender" as a gotcha for those of us who are keen to the fact that they aren't cis. This pisses me off for three main reason plus a fourth mini reason that's more of a history blurb than anything else.

Before we start anything, Gerard has been out as not cis for the better part of 8(!) years now. To not acknowledge that is doing them a disservice. Some of you have purposely chosen to ignore that fact. Right out the gate that's fucked up. Ok now we can proceed.

First off, you're right. Clothes do not, in fact, equal gender. I know this, and it sounds like you'd like me to believe that you know this. So forgive me for being a little confused when you go on anon after they're photographed wearing what you dub to be "masculine clothing" (i.e. anything that's not a skirt/dress with heels) and tell me I'm an idiot for implying that they aren't a cisgender man.

Secondly, the concept that clothes don't equal gender in only true to us very recently. If you think that Gerard Way, a 45 year old ex-Catholic Gen-X'er who grew up in an wildly conservative suburb of north New Jersey doesn't have a different relationship between clothing and gender than you, a 14-to-20-something year old who hasn't closed tiktok in three days and averages 0.3 minutes of critical thinking per week, then you're extremely delusional and self-centered. People are socialized in entirely different ways. As humans, our experiences are not in any way universal. What doesn't mean anything to you means everything to someone else. Maybe you don't equate femininity with skirts and dresses, but I guarantee you a 45 year old who has openly struggled with gender identity their entire life does in some capacity. This is not a bad thing.

Thirdly is that in your attempt to sound as woke and morally upright as possible, you're unintentionally (or intentionally, seeing as a considerable number of you are terfs,) discrediting and invalidating the way someone experiences gender euphoria because you personally don't get it. Gerard Way has only ever said "I don't use labels" in response to people implying that they're cishet. If your first reaction to seeing someone who could even potentially identify under the transfem umbrella experiencing visible gender euphoria in a dress is to say "oh well clothes don't equal gender, so I'm going to assume that he's a man in a dress until he explicitly outs himself", then congratulations! You're transphobic. Because that's the thing. When you use the rhetoric of clothes ≠ gender in that context, it becomes crystal clear you don't actually care about trans people. You just want to sound like the smartest person in the room. And you're willing to throw GNC trans people under the bus in order to achieve that goal.

I think people have forgotten big time that "don't assume my gender" originally meant "don't assume I'm cis", because now the way people interpret the rhetoric (don't assume my gender, clothes ≠ gender, I don't use labels, etc.,) and use it to prove a point only use it as if to say "it's inherently wrong and creepy to identify and acknowledge when people aren't cis. Cis is the default and the only safe assumption. Anything else is offensive and crossing a major boundary" and you can tell it's because they view transness as an insult to someone's character. We have to, collectively, stop viewing transness as an allegation you either have to beat or bear with. Alongside that, we have to stop assuming cisness.

#mcr #gerard way #gerard gender wars #Gerard gender wars ii #I could say more and get meaner but I won't. for now.

[they-them-that]

Light trigger warning: gender roles, misogyny, transphobia

I love Ouran Highschool Host Club and with the Shoujo classic that it is, I adopted the general consensus that the show was "ahead of its time" with how it portrayed gender. Haruhi will always be a non-binary icon but upon rewatching it, especially after my own trans awakening, I remembered something that never sat right with me and that was how Tamaki treated Haruhi. My two cisgender friends didn't seem to pick up on the same problems even though they also consider Haruhi to be non-binary which made me think I was just projecting onto the anime. But another friend of mine later told me how it was much more "heterosexual" than she remembered that helped validate the feeling I had.

Although Haruhi doesn't like to make a fuss about gender, the anime does and it constantly reminds us that no matter what Haruhi feels, she is still a "girl". Tamaki is the worst offender of this mentality where even his entire perspective on Haruhi changes as soon as he finds out she's afab. A huge part of Tamaki's character is that he dotes on Haruhi "like a father" where his actions are actually founded on the authoritative, patriarchal belief that he needs to "protect" her because she is a woman. Not just protect her from actual harm either but from things like kissing someone and wearing a swimsuit...

Although in certain ways, we're supposed to laugh at Tamaki's overbearing nature, he's never actually taught to respect Haruhi's autonomy. In what felt like every episode, Tamaki fixates on Haruhi's assigned sex much to her annoyance. Yet rather than learning to look at Haruhi as a person regardless of gender, we're expected to see his obsession with upholding gender roles as a sign of affection. This felt clearest in episode 8, "The Sun, the Sea, and the Host Club!" where Haruhi confronts two men for harassing her female peers. She gets shoved into the water where Tamaki saves her but the conflict arises when he scolds Haruhi for standing up to men at all. The message emphasizes to us that "Haruhi is a girl" and it's something that she has to accept for her own well being while Tamaki's anger is meant to be perceived as chivalrous rather than patriarchal and heteronormative. The reality is, even if Haruhi was in danger, that isn't actually her fault but the fault of the men who felt entitled to women's bodies (something Tamaki is guilty of, even if not to the same level of aggression).

I still cherish OHSHC but it hasn't fully stood the test of time as I've been led to believe. That's not to rob gender queer people the comfort they feel from the show but that for myself, it's a bit hard to look past the cishet energy that the anime exudes. Although I see Haruhi as non-binary, the show doesn't seem to agree and goes great lengths to invalidate Haruhi's gender indifference. It's tragically common in anime and manga where trans-coded afab characters are reminded that they're still women and it's usually "proven" to them through patriarchal scenarios that put CIS men in a role of dominance. A lot of the time, these women are only gender nonconforming out of happenstance or circumstance rather than by choice, which even includes Haruhi Fujioka (she only cut her hair because there was gum in it). That's not to conflate gender expression with identity but it does feel like we're only being met half way, especially when the anime still romanticizes the gender dichotomy with Haruhi and Tamaki's relationship. I would've loved to see Tamaki be able to toss the notion of gender the same way Haruhi is able to and have that be the groundwork in which their mutual feelings blossom. Instead, it just felt like we got a man who stubbornly wants someone who grew up without gender labels to visualize herself the way he does, as a "woman".

#ouran high school host club #ohshc #haruhi fujioka #tamaki suoh #tw transphobes

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

I'm just gonna throw it out there cuz idk how many people have given you crap about this:

1). Solar labeled himself a "cousin" at EARTHS INSISTENCE. He straight up says that thinking about it in a "familial relationship" way doesnt work and is confusing see KC Eclipse Lunar Bloodmoon etc and hes only told that to Earth. Frankly, I think he, Moon and Sun think of Solar as "member of this family". Also, robots.

2). Moon can still develop feelings for someone, even if he's still aro/ace. I cant see Moon as EVER being the romantic type, and pretty much everyone in THIS show finds any sort of "physical" relationship weird and/or gross. Frankly, I read Solar as aro/ace too, cuz while the dude is CLEARLY capable of pining he really doesn't seem like the romantic type. So shipping Moon and Solar doesnt invalidate anyone's identity, especially since falling in love doesn't have to be romantic or physical *glares judgingly at society*

Also, imagine Solar and Moon going on non-romantic dates. Like they go to an anime convention or something and Moons completely needing out and Solars just like "you're a loser *heart eyes*"

WAIT NO BETTER IDEA!

Sun, who IS a romantic type, is like "I want my brother to have the best so I'm gonna help you guys get together" and Solars just like "pls no" and Sun tries to help make the perfect date, but both members are AGGRESSIVELY romantic and by the end Solar and Moon ditch Sun and like go play God of War or something X3

AH!

Surprisingly, no one has been giving me crap about much. I'm actually surprised with how chill everyone has been and how much on board they are with my silly little ship train idea. I'm actually happy everyone has been really cool and accepting so far.

And yes, this is true, and I went into a few posts about it. One post I went into specifics on the flexibility and "subject to change" nature about relationships in Robots. But agreed.

2. And yeah! Exactly. Back in the Early days of the show, Sun tried to pair Moon up on dates all the time, so it could have been a possibility that the old Moon was Romantic, or he wasn't, and Sun was just misreading the situation.... Also I never got his goal in trying to ship his brother with Roxanne other then to just be a voyeur because he's the one who liked her

And the only reason in my shipping Scenarios why Solar doesn't test his boundaries isn't cause he's acephobic in a majority of my scenarios. but moreso he doesn't want to violate Moon's trust or test his limits. Moon has given him so much, he doesn't want to ruin his friendship or the only home he's ever known.

Also NewMoon said he's "Questioning" right now, and that's also fine. And most likely i'll just draw from my own demi/ace experiences in a lot of ships I like/portray. Because I only know how to write my own experiences. It's not to invalidate others. I'm not every ace person in existence and it's such a wide spectrum so I can't account for everyone. I just write and brainstorm what feels right to me.

And. 3. gehaoghawefh Cute idea.

#danachan's replies #danachan's asks #tsams au #solarmoon #solar x moon

[sirenium]

So cringe how there's TERF shit on the AFAB trans woman/AFAB transfem tag/s. So, to cleanse the palette, this post aims to celebrate my fellow AFAB transfems who aren't just TERF-y trans men in denial.

Oh, and AMAB transmascs are cool asf too.

Perisex or intersex, your identity is valid; people have made 'intersex exclusive' terms for the same experience already, so don't let people discourage you from using AFAB transfem/AMAB transmasc labels if you're perisex. -an intersex person who also struggles with feelings of invalidity surrounding this topic

Gender is fucking weird; if there is an AFAB girl and they feel like a girl in a trans way, what the fuck are you gonna say to that person? 'Oh you're just cis lol' ? Fuck that. Of course though, that individual is perfectly allowed to use 'cis' as a descriptor if they so desire, that's the beauty of minding our own business when it comes to the identities of others.

You — and I cannot emphasize this enough — are VALID, and it doesn't even matter if others think you're valid, either. Your identity is not up for debate, identities don't have to be seen as 'valid' in order for someone to identify with them. I hope you can remember that when you have some fucker in your DMs or what have you crying about how your existence 'harms' the community (cuz they're wrong).

#queer #lgbtq #lgbt #trans #transgender #transfem #transmasc #trans woman #trans man #afab transfem #amab transmasc #queer positivity #queer inclusion

[acorpsecalledcorva]

*Maladaptive Daydreaming is the disordered form of Immersive Daydreaming/Dissociative Absorption (which I believe is the foundation of endogenic plurality experiences), therefore would only really apply to "disordered plurals" that don't have a CDD, similarly not all pwMD would identify as plural the same as most pwCDDs don't use that label

*"Plural Dissociative Disorder" is used here as the best phrase I can come up with to communicate disorders that involve systems of parts/alters/headmates as it wouldn't be a CDD. Although I recognise many do not like this term, everyone hopefully understands what I mean by it

This is the best summary I can find that I feel argues for why it should be included as such:

Arguments against: As a concept it may err ever so slightly too closely to the fantasy model of DID or give credibility to many aspects that the community has worked very hard to move away from.

Overlap: Early reports put comorbidity of MD and DID at only 12.8% but more recent reports have it at more like 40-50%. Prevalence of MD, that is the disordered utilisation of immersive daydreaming/dissociative absorption as a form of escapism, increases dramatically during periods of global unrest, the COVID 19 pandemic saw a marked increase in communities seemingly built around utilising Immersive Daydreaming/Dissociative Absorption such as the reality shifting communities which used guides very very similar to switching and imposition guides shared by the Willo/paragenic communities

Possible explanation for rift in community: many people simply do not have the ability to immersive daydream, and it would seem that the majority of DID research and literature has been written about and focuses on pwDID that don't have this innate ability. A lack of inner world and phobia of the inner experience such as no knowledge and access to parts are commonly described in literature but are at odds with the majority of online presentations of CDDs. It may be that more CDD systems are utilising an immersive daydreaming capability in a more (mostly)positive way thanks to community sharing of experiences, while those who do not have this ability are left dumbfounded by how much the online community doesn't match their experience. Similarly, those with CDDs who can and do utilise this ability would find more shared experiences with the wider plural community including identifying as mixedorigin because immersive daydreaming would be an ability that predates trauma development of a CDD or becoming disordered due to later trauma

Personal experience: I have both DID parts/alters and Immersive Daydreaming headmates. I find this a very useful framework to understand my experience as it allows me to differentiate the needs of both and ensure that one doesn't negatively impact the other. I also believe it's very important to differentiate between them in form and function, while not viewing one as more valid than the other. Treating all ID headmates as alters can quickly become overwhelming if healing is a goal while treating alters as ID headmates can be very damaging and make them feel like they're being exposed and need to retreat further or have protectors and persecutors lash out. I don't think it's wrong to acknowledge that right now there are pwCDDs who mistakenly believe they're endogenic plurals and disordered plurals that mistakenly believe they have CDDs (and potentially therapists misdiagnosing as well).

Psychs: Nijenhuis, Ross, Dell, and Somer all seem to be dancing around this issue from slightly different angles right now, Nijenhuis trying to differentiate purely trauma based pathological dissociative experiences, while Ross has explored a proneness to dissociation, Dell has explored a proneness to hypnotisability, and Somer first identified maladaptive daydreaming whilst also being one of the key researchers into trauma and dissociation over the last few decades. Outside of these there are many psychs that have noticed a marked shift in presentations of patients that supposedly have CDDs resulting in increased research into things like Imitative DID and Malingering/factitious disorder as it relates to DID. Identifying immersive daydreaming as a contributing factor to this change in presentation may help reduce the number of false negatives AND false positives.

I can also very much understand why some might find the particular language of "daydreaming" and "character" to be invalidating towards their headmates, there are cultural connotations to those words. This may largely be due to the research being done into non plural patients but that is clearly changing. There certainly seems to be acknowledgement of the autonomy that can be found when analysing MD through a plural lens though so this language may certainly change as endogenic plurality is brought into the literature more.

#syscourse #dissociative identity disorder #system community #plural community #endogenic #pro endo #maladaptive daydreaming

[bittersweetresilience]

Adrien Agreste and Borderline Personality Disorder

DISCLAIMER: I've been a bit low on spoons this week, so I haven't gathered as much evidence as I probably could have. Also, I am but a humble student in clinical psychology. This is mainly a thought compilation for @moonieratty!

To introduce the topic, without going into it too much, personality is described by features and behavioral patterns, or traits, consistent across situations and across time. Personality disorders are therefore enduring patterns of highly maladaptive traits evaluated in personal and sociocultural context (Dozois, 2019, p. 290).

Like other disorders, personality disorders have diagnostic criteria. The DSM is used primarily for diagnosis in the US and Canada while the ICD is used more widely in Europe and other places. I'm more familiar with the DSM, but I've included a brief section on the ICD to be comprehensive. It ended up a bit longer than anticipated, so let's go below the cut. Warning for discussions of abuse, self harm, and suicide, and a brief mention of substance use.

Overview of Borderline Personality Disorder

BPD is prevalent in a small percentage of the population, about 1-2% by varying estimates, and is characterized by instability across domains of emotions, identity, interpersonal relationships, and behavior. Its onset is usually in late adolescence or early adulthood and symptoms may diminish with age, after one's thirties or forties, especially with therapeutic intervention. Along with ASPD, it has been the focus of a lot of clinical research; it is unfortunately associated with high rates of non-suicidal self-injury and suicide (APA, 2022, pp. 754–755; Dozois, 2019, pp. 308–309).

Etiological factors for BPD include both biological and environmental disturbances. Of note to our discussion is the heightened risk for BPD in cases of child abuse or neglect, as well as growing up with another family member with a serious mental health condition (NHS, 2022). It's been well established that Gabriel is emotionally neglectful if not outright abusive toward Adrien in multiple ways, so this is a clear risk factor. In addition, although I won't argue definitively for Gabriel having a psychological condition, he did keep Emilie's body in the basement, so there is clearly some kind of disturbance going on.

From a cognitive-behavioral perspective, Linehan argues that BPD stems from families who consistently invalidate childhood emotional experiences and "oversimplify the ease with which life's problems can be solved," which may cause children to learn to seek attention and communicate with others through emotional outbursts (Dozois, 2019, p. 297). This rings true for Adrien and Gabriel as well.

I have to apologize for my son, Ladybug, he's like his mother. Way too overly dramatic. (Jackady)

It doesn't seem like this is the first time Gabriel has thought this, and labeling an emotional reaction as being overly dramatic is very much invalidation of it. As for emotional outbursts, Adrien has had quite a few, mostly as Chat Noir. More on this later.

To round out this first section, attachment theory proposes a connection between poor parent-child attachments and BPD relationship difficulties. Specifically, maladaptive behavior in relationships may stem from childhood development of an anxious-ambivalent attachment style, where intense fears of abandonment interfere with a strong desire for intimacy (Dozois, 2019, p. 310). You can clearly see this in Chat Noir's relationship with Ladybug, and I'm sure other people have discussed Adrien's attachment style more in depth, but suffice to say I think this is an apt description.

Argument from DSM-5-TR

In the DSM, personality disorders are primarily diagnosed on a categorical model. There are a few general criteria which I won't be going into, but I will highlight that personality disorders are stable and pervasive, and would be diagnosed only if they were leading to significant distress or dysfunction. Adrien's mental state is not great, so the latter shouldn't be a problem, but this show does not always pay attention to consistency, so I'm going to be speculating some. Everything in this section is cited to the relevant DSM entry unless otherwise stated.

The DSM characterizes BPD with instability in relationships, self image, and affects, as well as marked impulsivity. It has no exclusion criteria, so BPD can be and frequently is comorbid with other disorders like mood disorders, PTSD, and ADHD. Of the below criteria, five need to be met in order for a diagnosis to be made.

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

Hey, where're you going? . . . So you're allowed to know her true identity, but I'm not? (Syren)

You're not really replacing me with a turtle, are you? (Anansi)

A lot of people have delved into Adrien's abandonment issues, which feature most prominently in his relationship with Ladybug. His fears of being replaced result in him seeking reassurance from Ladybug, and he can lash out if he does not receive the response he hopes for. Ladybug is his world, and he wants to be hers, so anything infringing on that feels to him like a threat of being abandoned, and he does not like it very much.

Impulsive behaviors like giving up his ring can be interpreted under this lens: he can avoid abandonment by doing the abandoning first. Then it will be him leaving, and not the other way around.

I also interpret Adrien's nightmare (Le Marchand de Sable) as being a fear of being alone as much as it is a fear of being trapped.

Unstable and intense interpersonal relationships alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation

We'll be united, more powerful and free. We'll defeat Hawk Moth, then we can both run away to an island! Far away from everything. We will live off nothing but fruits, and we will have a little pet hamster and we will name it— (Le Patineur)

I just can't do this anymore. I give up… on everything. Even you . . . If I become Chat Noir again, Ladybug will just end up rejecting me, over and over. (Kuro Neko)

Even though Adrien mostly keeps his head on straight regarding what he's owed and not owed by other people, his relationship with Ladybug is full of highs and lows. He thinks Ladybug is the most amazing girl, but this can recoil quickly into feeling as though Ladybug doesn't care about him enough or isn't meeting his needs.

Furthermore, he developed this idealization of Ladybug as a potential lover or caregiver at one of their first meetings (Cœur de Pierre), and continually sought to spend time together and share the intimate details of their secret identities early on. These are all common to individuals with BPD, as is the switch from idealization to feeling as if the other person "does not care enough, does not give enough, or is not 'there' enough." Ladybug is the only person Adrien consistently projects this instability and intensity on, which might be something interesting to explore.

Identity disturbance: unstable self image or sense of self

When I was a kid, I always wanted to be what my parents wanted me to be! (Exauceur)

But, does that mean Chat Noir is who I really am? Deep down inside? (Kuro Neko)

With all the secret identities, it isn't surprising that Adrien fits this criterion, but canon even explicitly draws a link between Adrien's unstable sense of self and his childhood experiences. He doesn't know who he is, and he distracts from this by being Chat Noir, only to struggle even more when he feels useless and underlooked as his hero self. His behavior shifts dramatically between trying to prove himself with grand gestures and refusing to participate or lashing out. There is definitely something to discuss on this front.

Impulsivity in at least two potentially self-damaging areas

Giving you some extra time . . . I trust you to bring me back, m'lady. (Gamer 2.0)

There are only two liars left in Paris and one of them knows the ultimate way to catch her attention . . . Crazy about you, m'lady. (Mensonge)

This is walking a thin line between impulsivity and suicidal behavior, which would be excluded from this criterion, but I'll list self sacrifice here because I can see an argument for Chat Noir's impulsive behaviors being out of love or the desire to be useful. There may still be some self injurious intent or euphoria, but Chat Noir does have faith in Ladybug to bring him back eventually. Nevertheless, this is impulsive and unhealthy. Chat Noir jumps too quickly to this option to have thought it through.

I can't think of another area, because Adrien isn't old enough for reckless driving, spending, substance use, or sex. This is also a kids' show. Just presenting these options for fanfiction writers out there.

Recurrent suicidal or self mutilating behavior, gestures, or threats

I... I don't know what to do! (Chat Blanc)

This is all our fault . . . Cataclysm. (Culpabysse)

By itself, what happened in Chat Blanc would not be solid evidence, as that was an unprecedentedly traumatic situation. Combined with Culpabysse, though, there is a strong case to be made for at least passive suicidality for this to be able to come up as an option.

You could also interpret the self sacrifice in this category. Suicidal behavior in individuals with BPD is often preempted by fears of rejection or abandonment, so an interesting analysis could be made on this front.

Affective instability due to marked reactivity of mood

He's still only thinking of himself! I just want this terrible day to be over and done with! I hate Christmas! (Pire Noël)

Sorry! Sorry! I didn't mean to make you so mad. I get it. You're sick of me . . . No one can help me, Kagami. (Glaciator 2)

Adrien's prolonged episodes of anger and despair reflect a high reactivity to emotional stressors, especially interpersonal ones. In general, he just doesn't feel very well unless something is actively bringing him joy. Most of his outbursts are brief, though, and I will discuss them as part of a later criterion.

Chronic feelings of emptiness

I'm not Adrien, so I wouldn't know if this is the case, but I can say he has experienced at least one depressive episode (Kuro Neko) and emptiness would not be unfamiliar. You can look at him and decide.

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger

How was your amazing evening with your "friends"? . . . What do you think? (Glaciator)

Why not? No one'll know if I quit. No one'll care! (Syren)

A two-person plan?! There's only one two-person plan, and that's Ladybug and me! (Sentibulleur)

Give me a break, Miss "I can't even come up with a superhero name"! (Hack-San)

Anger in individuals with BPD can manifest as bitterness, sarcasm, or recurrent verbal outbursts, which Chat Noir absolutely exemplifies. These outbursts are often followed by feelings of shame or guilt and contribute to a feeling of being bad. Chat Noir apologizes after being harsh in Glaciator, and I wouldn't be surprised if he felt badly about the other times. Again, these outbursts are often precipitated by interpersonal fears and perceived threats of abandonment. Unlike other symptoms, this specific one tends to be unique to BPD.

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociation

I cannot recall any evidence for this but headcanon away, my friends.

All in all, I think Adrien has a strong case for BPD presentation according to the DSM. Canon is not always consistent, but I think it presents an interesting and mostly coherent narrative for this lens. From this perspective, Adrien's behavior reflects a deep intolerance of being alone and a dependence on other people to define the self.

As a corollary, BPD behavioral patterns are frequently linked to self sabotage and self undermining right when a goal is about to be realized, which could manifest as dropping out of school right before graduating or ending a relationship when it seems to be going well. Food for thought. Individuals with BPD may also feel more secure with transitional objects like pets than with interpersonal relationships, which could reflect in Adrien's relationship with Plagg.

To add some subjective understanding to this clinical mumbo jumbo, I've added a source of genuine BPD experiences below (Mind, 2022).

Argument from ICD-11

With the release of the ICD-11, a dimensional model for diagnosis of personality disorders became the new standard. What this means is that individuals are no longer labeled as having 'histrionic' or 'dependent' or, indeed, 'borderline' personality disorders, but are rather assessed as having any form of personality disorder on a sliding scale of severity and with trait domain specifiers (Swales, 2022). To put it more simply, people are diagnosed only with a general personality disorder or personality difficulty which can be optionally specified as deviating on one of the personality traits in the Big Five model, which is well established in personality psychology.

This move has several benefits. Stigmatization related to particular personality disorders can be reduced, and differential diagnosis and comorbidity between personality disorders becomes irrelevant. However, people retain access to treatment and support. Evidence-based treatments like dialectical behavior therapy are particularly well established and crucial for BPD; for this pragmatic purpose, the ICD contains one additional specifier for borderline pattern personality disorder (Bach et al., 2022; Swales, 2022).

The DSM and ICD are designed to be compatible with each other in many ways, and in this case, the borderline specifier in the ICD is directly lifted from the criterion of the DSM (WHO, 2023, 6D11.5). Based on our previous discussion, Adrien would be equally qualified for a diagnosis in France. I would likely describe his personality disorder with moderate severity, where multiple areas of functioning are affected and self harming behaviors may be present, but not all areas or relationships may be equally impacted and traits are not as rigid and inflexible (WHO, 2023, 6D10.0–6D10.2).

Interestingly, the ICD includes three additional manifestations of borderline pattern which are optional and may vary across time (WHO, 2023, 6D11.5).

A view of the self as inadequate, bad, guilty, disgusting, and contemptible

An experience of the self as profoundly different and isolated from other people; a painful sense of alienation and pervasive loneliness

Proneness to rejection hypersensitivity; problems in establishing and maintaining appropriate levels of trust in relationships; frequent misinterpretation of social signals

I'm fascinated by the number of adjectives in here. I simplified very slightly, as I did with the DSM criteria, but I had to keep all these adjectives. Anyway, I won't elaborate for too many more paragraphs, so let's say sentimonster moment and leave it at that. I will spare you my mirrored Félix essay. For now.

Qualifications and Limitations

First of all, Adrien is a teenager. The distinguishing factor between a personality disorder and regular adolescent difficulties would be longevity and identity concerns beyond his developmental phase (APA, 2022, p. 758). Second of all, Adrien has a uniquely terrible home life and magical problems. Some of his behaviors could be normal considering his experiences and sociocultural context, and this matters when it comes to psychological evaluation. Take everything with a grain of salt!

More generally, the categorical model of the DSM has several issues, not to mention diagnostic issues related to culture, gender, and stigma. Some but not all of these issues are addressed by the dimensional model it includes in a later section, which shares theoretical foundations with the model of personality disorders in the ICD. Even so, issues remain. Diagnosis, access to treatment, and political statements are intrinsically linked in complex ways. I won't get into all of the nuances, but be safe, remember this is a fictional character, and keep an open mind.

REFERENCES:

American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.). https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425787

Bach, B., Kramer, U., Doering, S., di Giacomo, E., Hutsebaut, J., Kaera, A., De Panfilis, C., Schmahl, C., Swales, M., Taubner, S., & Renneberg, B. (2022). The ICD-11 classification of personality disorders: A European perspective on challenges and opportunities. Borderline Personality Disorder and Emotion Dysregulation, 9(1). https://doi.org/10.1186/s40479-022-00182-0

Dozois, D. J. A. (2019). Abnormal psychology: Perspectives (6th ed.). Pearson.

Mind. (2022, September). What does BPD feel like? https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/borderline-personality-disorder-bpd/experiences-of-bpd/

National Health Service. (2022, November 4). Causes - Borderline personality disorder. https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/causes/

Swales, M. A. (2022). Personality disorder diagnoses in ICD-11: Transforming conceptualisations and practice. Clinical Psychology in Europe, 4(Special Issue). https://doi.org/10.32872/cpe.9635

World Health Organization. (2023). International statistical classification of diseases and related health problems (11th ed.). https://icd.who.int/

#miraculous ladybug #adrien agreste #ml meta #don't worry i read through far more sources than listed here #it's just standard citation procedure to include only in-text references and not readings for general subject comprehension #🌃 #🌖 #i'm using a hybrid parenthetical citation model which i think is most efficient and informative so just note this down #i can't believe i referenced kuro neko three times... what an episode #ml simon says #ml syren #ml anansi #ml sandboy #ml frozer #ml kuro neko #ml stoneheart #ml wishmaker #ml gamer 2.0 #ml lies #ml chat blanc #ml guiltrip #ml santa claws #ml glaciator 2 #ml glaciator #ml sentibubbler #ml hack san

[i-cant-sing]

Aren't innocent people dying on both sides? I'm a bit confused...

Yes, but so far, Palestine has suffered far more in ratios and in severity, and while this does not INVALIDATE the suffering of Israelis, it certainly does not compare.

Israel is saying that they're targeting Hamas...

So why tf is the Israeli government bombing hospitals and mosques and churches?

Doesn't Israel get a whole lot of money from Uncle Sam for the military budget and cool High tech surveillance?😍 So, they can't see that they're bombing innocent civilians, who they claim that Hamas is using as "human sheilds", so... does that give Israel the absolute right to bomb the children, literal BABIES who are "human shields"?

Plus, you'd think that Israel as a nation who has and shouldn't forget about something s horrible as Holocaust, wouldn't actually start commiting the ethnic cleansing, the same horrible thing that happened to them, they're doing it to the very people who welcomed them into their homes with open arms?

I'm not saying that all of Israel is responsible for this... definitely, its the evil government of Israel who's doing all this, but shouldn't the people of Israel start a fucking protest, even at the cost of being labelled as "terrorist" or "Hamas sympathisers" or "anti semitic"??? Would your ancestors, victims of Hollocaust, would they have remained silent?

Oh and not to mention, since Israel is the occupying force, according to the fucking international law, the natives aka Palestinians have the right to defend themselves against the occupying force?

#free palestine