#and i kinda liked the original but obviously wasn't too happy with the art

[wingedcorgi]

mfw i decide to remake a comic from 8 years ago

#captain america #stucky #stevebucky #bucky barnes #steve rogers #marvel #mayaart #i was looking through my old stucky stuff (don't do it) #and i kinda liked the original but obviously wasn't too happy with the art #this was an experiment but kinda fun! #comics

[lovelyladyabsinthewrites]

Darlin’, Darlin’

Pairing(s): Jacob Black x Swan!Reader, Jacob Black x Bella Swan, Edward Cullen x Bella Swan

Warnings: wolf imprinting, scenting, makeout, agedup!jacob, hurt&comfort, one night stands, changed it a little bit from the prompt, renee being a crap mom, sorry i tend to write her in a negative light but i have never been able to stand her character 😅, plus i have my own unresolved mommy issues lol 😅 , mention of alcohol consumption, reader smokes, unprotected sex just imagine reader being on birth control, flings, virgin!jacob, losing that v card, kinda bitchy reader?

Words: 4818

Stepping one foot out of your taxi, you finally take in the sight of the Cullen residence. Just to make sure, you double check the address that was on the wedding invitation.

Yup, this was the place.

Already there's festive laughter streaming out of the house. Some people lingered on the large wrap-around porch, talking amongst one another.

You weren't looking forward to the wedding but your mother called and pestered you enough to where you just gave up and sent in your RSVP despite your reservations. It wasn't that you didn't like Bella, you just never liked the idea of marriage. Your mom had failed at several before. In the end you always wondered what the point of it all was.

And a wedding in your mind was the most absurd thing to waste one's money on. Especially one as extravagant as this one. You surmise that the Cullens obviously were the ones to foot the wedding bill. Neither Charlie nor Renee would have the funds to put together a glittery wonderland like this one.

Readjusting the skirt of your dress, you walk up the steps, bombarded by the loud music and chatter. You were already regretting going through with it when you weave through the throng of people in the house. Unfamiliar faces that stare at you in your trek to find Renee. Though really you just wanted to fist a few drinks into you first. Your mom wouldn't be happy if you got drunk so early. It would definitely lighten your mood, but you shake off any thoughts of libations.

After asking around, you learn she's upstairs helping the bride get ready.

Fine paintings were displayed on the wall as you take one step at a time. They look to be originals too. Not that you knew much about art. The paintings were beautiful regardless. Everything about the Cullen house was meticulously perfect. A wonder how your clumsy sister was marrying into this atmosphere.

You follow a gaggle of female voices to a closed bedroom door. When you knock, a short pixie of a girl opens it with startling gold eyes. "You must be Bella's sister!" She's open and inviting, tugging you by the arm inside of the room.

Renee calls over to you, delighted at your presence. "You made it!" She throws her arms around you, suffocating your nose with her strong perfume. Like with most of your family, you were never close to Renee. The moment you were accepted into a university away from her, you leapt on the opportunity and never looked back.

She steers you to where Bella is standing in front of a floor length mirror that reflects her image. Her wedding gown was sleek and not as terrible as you first imagined it to be. When was the last time you'd seen her? Probably not since your own senior year in Arizona.

Her dark eyes round at your appearance, definitely not expecting you to be there.

"Hey Bella. Congratulations." Your lips quirk up in a small smile that hides your desire to not be there. This is what you had to do in front of your family. Put on a mask and pretend you were happy to see them. You felt awkward in that room, knowing your interaction was being watched by the pixie girl, your mom and an unknown blonde woman who was drop dead gorgeous.

Her thin lips part in a struggle to gather any useful words. "Th-Thanks." It was clear she didn't really know how to act around you either.

You shoot an anxious look to your mom as if to say 'See, I did what you wanted me to do now let me free.' Ridiculous how you still looked to her for any guidance even though she would offer you none. Renee merely sighs and nods her head toward the door.

Relief makes the warmth in your face cool down as you give Bella an awkward wave goodbye before hightailing it out and back down the stairs. The rest of the house was no better. Your claustrophobia starting to get the best of you as you desperately try to elbow your way to the backyard for some fresh air. It was so stuffy in there. The lack of fresh air flow was really starting to get to you.

That's when you bump into someone- well honestly you thought it was a wall by how sturdy and hard the person's body was. Wobbling backwards, you're grateful that at least the body you bumped into had faster reflexes than you. A large, tan hand grips at your wrist to pull you back up and stabilize your posture.

You stare up into a handsome face with penetrating dark eyes. His jaw slackens, whatever he was going to say. Pure shock ripples across his face.

"S-sorry about that." You apologize and brush off his hand, or at least try to. His grip on your wrist is incredibly strong. Furrowing your brows you look back up to him. "Um, excuse me. . ."

He blinks, snapping himself out of whatever stupor he'd been in. "Sorry. Sorry." His fingers reluctantly release your wrist, hovering over your skin until you pull your hand back to your chest. Cute and towering over you, you feel the anxiousness in your chest from the crowd subside. He doesn't move. Instead he introduces himself with a shallow breath. "I'm Jacob Black."

"Oh, Jacob Black. That name sounds familiar." You reply and give him your own name.

"You're Bella's sister." Jacob states but his voice still held a bit of confusion.

You awkwardly chuckle. "Yeah, that's me." The intense way he's looking at you has you slightly uneasy. "How do you know Bella?"

"We. . ." he clears his throat, finally averting his gaze from you. "We're friends. I live on the reservation. Charlie and my dad are best friends."

Trying to remember your childhood with Charlie, nothing comes up. When your parents split, initially you lived with him. But being a small kid alone at night while he was working wasn't really ideal. After a while it was decided that you should be with Renee and Bella. It must have seemed like the best option. Honestly you were screwed with either parent.

"Since you've been in the loop," from your peripheral you notice a waiter carrying around a tray of drinks (thank god they were serving alcohol before the ceremony) "what is Bella's fiancee like?"

That sours his face. Jacob doesn't bother to try and hide his dislike for this guy that was marrying your sister. His lips squirm but he couldn't conjure any positive words. "He's. . . well, I don't trust him."

"Why? Does he mistreat her?"

"Well-"

"Oh!" You smile when you connect the dots. "You like Bella, don't you?"

He's slightly loud now. "No!! No, I-I don't like her. I mean, I did, but not anymore, obviously."

Was it obvious though? The way he was yammering on made it all too obvious that he still had feelings for her. You watch him suffer, occasionally taking a sip of your champagne. When he winds himself out, he mutters one more apology. Jacob's face a beet red. You just chuckle.

"No need to apologize. Guess it was my bad. I don't know much about Bella. We've never been close. I was just curious."

Around you, the flow of guests was starting to congregate to the backyard. "I think it's time." You take one more sip and set aside your champagne flute.

At the reception, you again find yourself outside on the front porch. Her husband (and his family) were quite honestly the most beautiful people you'd ever set your gaze on. And they seemed to genuinely love Bella. You just hope that her marriage lasts longer than any of Renee's.

Next to you on the front step was another cocktail. Your fingers were occupied with holding up your cigarette. Watching the slow dance of the smoke curling upward. It was a beautiful evening, you'd give them that.

Having said hello to Charlie a few minutes ago, all of your duties here were over. You'd stay in the little rinky dink motel that Forks has tonight then head back to your actual home.

Snuffing out the stubby remnants of your cigarette, you toss back the rest of your drink and fish your phone out of your jacket pocket.

You're about to call a taxi before you hear the creaking of the porch's floorboards behind you. Twisting around to see Jacob Black leaning against the wooden column. "Heading out so soon?"

All honesty, he was cute. A year or two younger than you, Jacob was like a giant in comparison to Bella's now husband. More muscular too.

"Yeah. I have to go back to work the day after tomorrow." You won't tell him just how eager you were to return even if that meant you had to work. Anything was better than be surrounded by strangers. "I have a motel room for the night though. Gonna call a taxi."

"I can give you a ride, if you want. It'll probably take a taxi time to get up here." Jacob looks down the narrow, winding road that was the only one to lead up to the Cullen estate.

"Really?"

There's a ripple of relief in his gaze and the spreading of his smile. "Of course. You wanna go now?"

Arching a brow, you look around him to the front door where inside was the warmth of celebration. "You don't want to stay?"

His nose scrunches up. "Nah. There's nothing left for me in there."

Weird way to put it but you shrug it off and follow Jacob to a little red Volkswagen car that, while being on the older side of vehicles, appeared to be well maintained. Definitely didn't match any of the other fancy looking cars lining the Cullen's driveway. You're surprised they didn't hire a valet.

Pure magic the way Jacob maneuvers his car around all of the others without hitting any of them. Watching it made you nervous so you'd squeezed your eyes tight, listening to Jacob chuckle.

A good thing about Forks was that it wasn't a big town. And the motel was the only local one in the town.

"I appreciate this. Can I give you money for gas?" You lean back into the worn cushions of the seat.

"Don't worry about it." He just waves you off. The lightness in his voice doesn't match the anxious drumming of his fingers against the wheel. You frown at the behavior, tucking it away in the back of your mind. Your nature was to be untrustworthy of people. Especially those you've just met.

"Why did you go to Bella's wedding?"

"Because she invited me. And. . . as much as I hate him, Bella's still my friend."

That was sweet but the ceremony must have been a dagger in his heart, another reminder that the girl he loved could never be his.

'Why did you go to her wedding? You looked like the whole thing was actual torture." Jacob turns your question against yourself. "You even said that you aren't close with Bella."

"Obligation. My mother paid for a plane ticket to come to the wedding without my knowledge. Really laid that guilt heavy when she said the ticket was expensive." You roll your eyes when you remembered that phone call. "And I guess it's the least I can do as the older sister. Just show up."

A lull in conversation settles until Jacob brings up "So you probably won't be coming back any time soon. . . That's a shame. . ."

You shrug. "There really isn't a reason for me to stay. My life isn't here."

The drinks you previously consumed were beginning to make your tummy warm and your morals. . . well, loose. You start really taking in Jacob's side profile, his defined cheekbones and full lips. The muscles that are roped in his neck. Were you really entertaining the idea of sleeping with Bella's sloppy seconds?

You bite your bottom lip, fighting against the ache you feel between your legs. It had been a while since you'd last had a good rutting. But you felt that this guy, no matter how sexy he appeared, was a virgin. That was something you didn't want to deal with. You wanted a man who knew what he was doing.

Reigning in your drunk horniness, you turn your head to stare back out the window. No, you definitely didn't want to have another reason to come back here.

Quiet the rest of the way to the motel, you watch the neon sign grow closer as Jacob pulled into the pebbly parking lot. You stretch and grab your bag from between your feet.

"Thanks again for the ride. Are you sure you don't want any money for gas?"

Why did he look like a sad puppy?

"Like I said, it's alright. But. . . Can I get your number instead?"

You feel your brows shoot up and you know you must have a ridiculous expression. "My number? What for?"

His cheeks tinge with warmth as Jacob peels his eyes away from you. Yup, definitely a virgin.

"I'd. . . I'd like to get to know you." Was all he could mumble out.

Damn he was making it too easy for you.

An impish curl to your lips. "You can still get to know me. Want to come inside for a little bit?" The implication was too obvious that even Jacob was able to catch on your meaning.

Poor thing is stammering, conflicted with saying yes but the sweet part of him wanted to reject your offer. You really didn't think he would agree but enjoyed the shock he got from your words.

Letting him sit in the car perplexed, you open the car door and bid him goodnight.

It only took a second before you heard footsteps right behind you. You felt his body heat at your back when you open your motel room door. The lights were still on, the way you left them, at least casting a warm glow over the meager furniture in the room. You set your bag down on the chair and finally turn around to face Jacob.

He's blushing terribly, unable to hide his nerves and you take pity on him.

"You can sit down, ya know." you chuckle and he obediently sits on the edge. "You said you wanted to get to know me more, right?" Crouching down, you open the mini fridge that the motel offered. Having already stashed away some items you bought at the liquor store. Fingers crack open the can.

Jacob's gaze fires something inside of you. His blush was intense but it didn't compare to the heat in his eyes. A small blush of your own actually tinges your face. "Yeah. I did. Like what's your favorite color or your favorite food?" His smile would flood any girl's panties.

You hide your giggle by taking a sip from your can. "Hmm, those are real stumpers." The more the both of you joked around, the more tension that leaves Jacob's frame. Sitting next to him he's now comfortable enough to scoot closer to you so that your bodies are pressed together.

In a rather sneaky way, Jacob had stolen your can of beer and was drinking from it too. Well, now you couldn't have him driving back home tonight with a good conscious.

And just as the alcohol was starting to warm him too, his hands grew bold and traveled from resting on your thigh to your waist and higher until you were pressed against his chest. Jacob's kiss overflows with passion and lust that completely takes your breath away. He's definitely kissed before, that much was certain.

His skin nearly scalds under your fingers as they find themselves gripping the soft cotton material of his button up.

This was a new Jacob that you hadn't seen. Was he keeping this part hidden deep down all along?

Hot hands hike up the hem of your dress, impatient to rove the skin of your upper thighs. He palms the soft, squishy flesh of the insides of your thighs before pausing near the elastic band of your panties. He's groaning to himself, knowing what lay beyond the flimsy fabric. Just to verify for yourself, you grind yourself against the tent of his pants. Jacob shivers and given your unvoiced permission, his fingers pull aside your underwear.

His face is hidden in the crook of your neck, lips nipping at the juncture of your jaw. It makes your head tilt back to give him more access. Jacob growls in appreciation, thick fingers playing with your wet pussy lips. You squirm, wanting him inside of you but he was strong and kept you at bay. If this was indeed his first time then Jacob was in no rush. Like he wanted to memorize through the touch of his fingers each intimate part of you.

Nose nuzzling the soft skin of your throat, inhaling deeply. A finger grazes over your swollen clit making you jump from the sudden contact. Your little whine just makes his cock harder. Jacob chokes on his own moan and glides over your clit again.

Most men wouldn't even know where the clit is. Especially virgins. Jacob seemed to find it right away and liked how this small button of nerves could send you into a spasming fit.

As much as you want to regain control, your head is swimming from the attention he's giving your body. Eager hands and lips.

Jacob becomes slack jawed when he finally inserts a finger past your sopping folds. "Oh fuck"

He keeps whispering 'fuck fuck fuck' as his finger slides in and out, helped by your pooling arousal coating it. Your mewling is cut short though and turns into a cry of dismay when he removes his hand completely to examine his glistening digits. Bringing it up his lips, he sniffs it and you swear a dark possessiveness seizes his expression. Jacob licks his fingers and thumb clean.

While he's distracted, you scramble to fling your clothes off; skin burning up with desire. When you look back at him, his eyes are now glued to your naked form.

"Come on. You're turn." You grin and lean back against the pillows on the bed.

So obedient, Jacob nearly rips his shirt to shreds. The buttons were but an obstacle to him now.

Boy were you delighted to see his sculpted body. His abs and cum gutters that were oh so prominent. And once his pants were removed-

How was this guy still a virgin??

You've been with your share of men, but none of them had a cock as thick as a beer can. Damn near hypnotized watching it as he crawls on the bed and slots himself in between your open legs. Something animalistic on his face as he grabs your legs and throws them over his broad shoulders. Going by pure instinct, the bulb of Jacob's cock is dragged along your begging slit, experimentally bullying the tip inside.

Once he had the tip in, he snaps his hips harshly, piercing you and stretching out the walls of your pussy with his thick cock.

Now you're the one chanting 'fuck fuck fuck' repeatedly as he gives you no time to adjust. Now that he's inside of you, Jacob can't help but devour you entirely. Fingers digging into your plush skin as he holds onto you tightly. The tight squeeze your pussy offered his cock was driving him inside so that he mercilessly pounded into you. You enjoy every second, every ram his cock tip dealt your cervix. It was impossible for a virgin to fuck you this good and this dumb but there you were just a screaming mess. Absolutely no thoughts in your head, only focusing on the stretch the width of his cock gives you.

You try your best to buck against him, to reciprocate every pleasure he gave you but it was laborious to keep up with him. So you just let him use you as a fuck doll.

You wanted to be fucked into oblivion.

Jacob had a rude awakening the following morning, not just due to the slight headache that was ringing in his brain, but because when he reached over for the warm body he thought was next to him there was only cold bed sheets.

He peels his eyes open to find the bed completely empty besides himself. There was a piece of paper with black inked writing. It had an apology. You were running late to your flight and apologized.

But no number.

Staring at it for a moment, Jacob sighs, running a hand over his face. He just couldn't believe what he'd done last night. Worse was you'd left no number.

Really, he couldn't help himself once he'd imprinted on you. That was sealing the fate of the night. Especially when he smelled your arousal. Fuck, he was just hoping to be invited to stay with you. Though he didn't quite believe it at first when you'd offered him to come inside your room. He would've done anything in the moment to stay a little longer with you.

The alcohol wasn't what really urged him on once he got going, it was the wolf in him. To claim and. . . Jacob blushes to admit it, but to breed too. All instinctual, of course. He wasn't ready for kids and clearly you weren't either. But that's what his wolf was howling at him to do.

It was embarrassing to admit that at the end of the day, his wolf really did control him.

He runs away from his own thoughts by reading your note again, overly focusing on the lack of number. Anxious thoughts sweep him up in a smashing wave.

Pressure upon his chest makes him feel like he can't breathe. Repressing the urge to shapeshift into a stronger form that would allow him to really express the anguish he was feeling. It hurt when Bella rejected him. The hurt had stayed with him up until he'd spotted you.

He thought it cruel kismet that you turned out to be Bella's sister. Who would blame him though? No one has seen you in Forks since you were small. And Bella never spoke of you either. To him, you'd only been an urban legend with only a handful of pictures as shaky evidence.

This explains everything though. Why he was drawn to Bella. She would eventually lead him to who he really belonged with. You.

The animal in him gnashes it's teeth together, growling for it's imprintee, it's mate.

If only Jacob knew.

Find her.

Find her.

Find her.

A constant bark in his mind until he leapt from the bed and got dressed. He couldn't silence it until he obeyed. Finding his cellphone drained of battery. Jacob curses his past self for not charging it prior to the wedding. He'd have to wait to call Bella and hopefully she would answer on her honeymoon.

You frown at the unknown number that had your phone ringing. Since you were at work, you ignore it.

At first.

Four more calls sets you at your limit until you excuse yourself and go into the hall to answer it. "Hello?"

"You're a piece of work, you know that?! Showing up to my wedding without speaking to me for years?!"

"You invited me! And mom made me!" You snap, knowing who it was. Bella. What was she doing calling you? She was supposed to be on her honeymoon with her perfect husband. Renee must have given her your number. "What is it? What's so important that you pulled me away from work?"

"How could you do that to Jacob? You fuck him a-and then just leave without anything?!" You remember that stutter from childhood. It always got worse when Bella was upset.

Grinding your molars, you make sure to lower your voice so you weren't heard from your coworkers. "I left a note explaining that I would be late to my flight."

You hear her derisive scoff "But no contact information! Was he just a fling to you? A-A boy toy?!!"

The laugh left you before you could stop it.

"You think this is funny?!"

Cackling now, you have to take a deep breath to settle yourself. "Oh my god I don't think I've heard anyone say that in years!"

That adds heat to her tone. "You can't use people like that!!"

"I didn't use him. For god's sake Bella, we had a good time and that was that. I told him I didn't have anything left in Forks. Gave him plenty of opportunities to leave. I didn't force-"

"He-he REALLY likes you. And you just tossed him aside! That night meant more to him than you could possibly know!"

Maybe you should have been more considerate. But your jaded side was strong, having been fucked over by guys one too many times before. Some of them virgins too. Fuck you didn't want to say Bella was right.

"He can't be that upset that I dashed without leaving him a number. We hardly know each other. He'll find someone else now that he has the confidence that he could even get a girl."

Bella goes silent for a moment. You hear soft whispers in the background, most likely Edward. She returns to you with a frustrated huff. "Look, just- please call him or better yet go see him. I've never expected much from you, but you have to see him again. Please."

This was the only thing she's really asked for from you.

You called him when you got home, heavily apologizing because it was most possibly the best sex of your life if you were being completely honest. And he deserved an explanation on why you'd left without giving him your number. "It wasn't anything you did, really. I'm just kinda a shitty person. I'm really sorry. . . I should've been more empathetic. I remember when I lost my virginity-"

"Oh god. Th-that's not the reason why I wanted your number. I didn't just want to screw you. I. . ." You listen to him gulp. Jacob takes a deep breath. On the other end, unbeknownst to you, was Jacob pacing back and forth at a rest stop near where your city was in. He'd never meant for it to sound like he was tattling to Bella and butt-hurt. All he asked was for your number before she countered demanding a reason why. He was completely honest with her. She blew up at him over the phone to the point he had to hold his cellphone at arm's length. Bella hung up immediately once she was done. Probably to call you. Apparently she hadn't told you about the whole wolves and imprinting thing.

Using what scent was left on his shirt, he'd strapped his shorts and shirt to his leg and shifted to his wolf to track you down. It may have been extreme, but by the time he'd gotten Bella to answer her phone he was already at his wit's end. He knew he may have come off as a creep by doing this. This was an itch he desperately needed to satisfy. The wolf in him demands to know where you'd gone.

He couldn't say that to you. That would make him sound downright demented.

"I would just really like to know you. For real. Not just your favorite color or food. I want to know that too, but I want to really know you." God did he sound lame? Jacob thought what he just said was totally lame.

"You sure? You may not like what you find." There's a hint of sadness.

"I'm positive."

Setting up another date, you put down your phone with a tender smile. Maybe. . . Maybe this wouldn't be like all the other times. He sounded sincere. And no one else has gone to the trouble of getting your number from anyone.

You just hope you weren't making a big mistake.

Grabbing your cigarette and lighter, you head outside onto your small porch.

You put it between your lips while your thumb fumbles with the lighter's sparkwheel. A crunching sound a few feet away from you makes you pause. The cigarette falls from your lips as you stare into large brown eyes stare at you from a break of trees. Russet fur was highlighted by the street light that was near. You didn't think wolves were capable of growing to such a size. This thing was gargantuan.

There's not an air of danger around it. The wolf merely wags it's tail, snout shaping into what you could only describe as a grin before it pads back off into the night.

You smile to yourself. "Wow."

It was the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen.

Perhaps a good omen.

Tags:

@enchantingcupcakecollectionfan

@bakugospartner

#reader insert #reader insert fanfiction #twilight fandom #twilight fanfiction #the twilight saga #twilight saga #twilight #jacob black #jacob black x reader #jacob black fanfic #jacob black fanfictions #jacob black fanfiction

[shima-draws]

Tell us about the AU! I know you want to!!

WAUGHHH. AGHHH. OKAY. OKAY SO. I've been watching one of my favorite content creators play through the DLC. Early on in the playthrough he was tossing around theories and said "Maybe KIERAN is Ogerpon??" and that gave me a BRILLIANT THOUGHT.

Ogerpon Kieran AU.......

I've already thought of a very long and complex backstory for this LOL but to simplify it. Before the ogre and its human companion came to Kitakami, said companion was actually living a very happy life with his child. However, they were caught up in the midst of a great war that ended up taking the child's life. The man was so overcome with grief that it summoned a great being (I'm thinking Xerneas), who blessed his dead child with new life. And that child was reborn as Ogerpon!! So kinda like how children who get lost in the woods and die are reborn as Phantump.

Fast forward to many many years later. A long chain of events leads to Carmine's grandfather's...father (so, her great-grandpa?) meeting Ogerpon and vowing to make it a new mask, a mystical and powerful mask that could grant wishes. Sadly, Carmine's great-grandpa wasn't able to complete the mask before he died. This project was eventually picked up by Carmine's father (and I have a whole other thing about him but I'm not gonna get into it right now lol). Carmine's father forms a very close bond with Ogerpon as he continues to gather materials to finish the wish mask. He expresses his desire for Ogerpon to finally be able to walk among the villagers with its name cleared, and for Ogerpon to meet his only daughter. He leaves for a journey to find the last material for the mask...and never returns 😔

Carmine's grandfather has a whole complex about the wish mask, but after seeing both his father and his son dedicate so much time and care into completing it, he takes the last material, imbued with the hopes and dreams of his family, and finally finishes the mask. When he presents it to Ogerpon, Ogerpon dons the mask and its wish is granted...it becomes human :") So it becomes Kieran, basically!! Kieran's wish was to be able to say thank you to all of the generations of mask makers that had helped him, and. To be part of their family 🥺 What he doesn't know is that his wish to be human stems from the fact that he already was human, once. But he doesn't remember his life before he was reborn as a Pokemon.

So, Carmine's grandfather happily accepts Kieran and his desire, and takes him home to live with him and Carmine. Note that Kieran is probably around 5-6 at the time, so he's BABY. And Carmine is only about a year or two older. She isn't sure what to think about suddenly getting a new brother, but she's happy to have someone to boss around lmao.

And once a year, during the festival of masks, Kieran lets his facade fall and wanders around as Ogerpon again. Just to keep in touch with his roots haha

So obviously with Kieran being Ogerpon the events of the DLC will play out differently than canon. Kieran slyly compliments the ogre in front of the player and mentions that maybe it's just misunderstood. He's been trying for a while to change the villagers' minds about what happened to him and the Loyal Three all those years ago, but it hasn't been going...too well lol. So when the player shows up, and things start to shift, Kieran gets really excited bc he realizes he finally might be able to clear his name :")

Is this AU silly and dumb as hell? Yes. Does it not really make sense with canon and is full of plot holes? Yes. Am I brainrotting over it anyway? Also yes.

Take a little edit I did of Kieran's official art to fit what I had in mind for the AU ;) I wanted to draw it but I'm at work rn lmao RIP

ALSO LITTLE DOODLE OF THE BOY

ALSO bc of Ogerpon's original gender Kieran probably goes by he/they pronouns in the AU

#Listen I know this AU is stupid as hell but it means SO much to me #Shima answers questions #Pokemon #The Teal Mask #Pokemon Kieran #Pokemon Carmine #Ogerpon #Kieranpon AU #Shima's AUs #I'm brainrotting SO hard. HELP #Long post

[dduane]

...So I was noodling around with the above image as preliminary work for a piece of Middle Kingdoms concept art that's going to illustrate a chapter-heading rubric from The Door Into Sunset. And while working on it, I belatedly realized that to correctly set up that scene, I was first going to have to tear up the entire left-hand side of the image (and the space beyond it), because the new covered fish market I had in mind wasn't going to fit in the space.

So I rolled my eyes at myself (I should have seen this coming...), got busy tearing it up, and then built the fish market. It's very loosely based, as I think I mentioned somewhere here earlier, on the famous Vismarkt, the covered fishmarket in the center of Brugge in Belgium (a.k.a. Bruges). (Image via Carto.net.)

Back in medieval times, right through to the Renaissance and beyond, fish was originally sold in Bruges in the open, from wooden pallets. But other stallholders in the main market complained about the smell, and the fish-sellers themselves weren't happy with the venue: selling such perishable goods out in the broad (and often hot) daylight was suboptimal. A permanent, covered place for the fishmongers' stalls makes more sense. Yet at the same time, you want decent light on what you're selling or buying... just not direct sun.

Choosing the architecture for a market like this in Darthis city was also going to be an issue. The Vismarkt was installed in a new dedicated market square in 1821, with the architect opting for a Victorian-cum-Classical look: not something that would make sense in this alternate Earth—if I was seriously considering a straightforward copy, which I wasn't. However, the Darthene architectural aesthetic does contain both building styles very like our Romanesque style, and elements similarly reminiscent of Gothic. (Though in the Middle Kingdoms the AU-Romanesque wasn't abandoned when the kinda-Gothic came in, but coexists with it).

After I'd given the situation some thought, I found myself wanting something that drew on those two traditions... or would maybe kind of split the difference between them: a building open on all sides that would be relatively light and airy, recalling a tent or canopy. This kind of design's unquestionably made a lot easier in that universe by the availability of magic-workers able to pull stone out of the ground without excavation, and also able to fashion it into the desired shapes without the use of physical tools. So finally I settled on a broad, vaguely Gothic-styled cross or groined vault as the preferred shape for the roofs: then rummaged around to see what I could find in the local toolkit that would enable me to build it.

Semi-plan view:

Diagonal side view:

(Please note that all of these images are the result of the digital version of kitbashing, as I don’t currently have anything like the skills to create shapes like these in Blender.)

Better lighting in this case is fortunately a materials-technology issue, long since solved on our own Earth. The stone of the roof segments is what architects now would refer to as an "alabastrite marble", about an inch thick—light enough to need relatively little in the way of external supports, and thin enough to transmit light readily. This marble's name comes (probably obviously enough) from alabaster, which has been used on and off in European church windows since medieval times as an affordable alternative to glass, in times and places where that’s been expensive.

This approach has had occasional revivals in modern our-Earth architecture. However, since alabaster is only useful in relatively small pieces, and is vulnerable to heat and moisture, it's often replaced by thin-cut marble set in metal frameworks. One good example of this would be the Beinecke Rare Book and Manuscript Library at Yale. (image via Amusing Planet)

The thin-cut Vermont marble transmits light safely without endangering the documents. But sometimes genuine alabaster has been used, too: the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels in Los Angeles features tens of thousands of panes of it. (image via Expedia)

The equivalent use of marble in the royal Arlene library rr'Virendir, in Prydon city—replacing much ancient glass destroyed during the earthquakes accompanying the last battle of the Great War—is probably where the Darthene authorities got the idea for this implementation. And since the marble used in this construction would almost certainly have come from Arlen, light-colored marble being the country’s “vernacular" stone due to it being quarried all over the place there, it makes perfect sense for this marble to have been a gift of the Arlene Throne to the city of Darthis. And would also account for the presence of his grace the King over there by the market stall up against the wall, pretending to check out the produce while he also checks out the nearly-finished construction (and, idly, two of his spouses).

The Queen is after all very picky about making sure her contractors are getting things right. Yes, she jokes a lot about having lots of room in the dungeons if things go wrong... but sometimes, if you don't know her, it's hard to be sure she's joking.

Meanwhile, so far, it doesn't look too bad.

Things learned over the past couple of weeks, in between also doing other work:

Translucence is a bitch to master in Daz Studio

Certain aspects of Blender are conspiring with one another to make me scream

My rendering computer is displaying a tendency toward quirkiness in the memory department that would register as nearly endearing if I could figure out what was causing it

...But at least now that the set I need is pretty much done (except for some minor tightening, straightening, and tweaking of materials and color temperatures), I can turn my attention to the question of how to produce the rather specialized VFX required for the two shot I'm setting up. ...Yeah, all this work has been for a two shot. But that shot needs people in the background, and the right street furniture. And nature abhors an undressed set. ...See also: "the backs of the melons."

Next challenge: track down a source for heaps of digitized prawns. :)

#Middle Kingdoms #Darthis #fishmarket #Middle Kingdoms meta #Freelorn #Herewiss #Eftgan #and a cast of tens #also #Blender #argh

[carsontumbleweed]

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Spoilers yeah duh

I liked alot more than just the bleacher creatures I honestly loved the first episodes it was bliss. I don't view s1 characters as the same anymore so its kinda an au in a way to me??

But man I loved the bleacher creatures they were fun and terrible and I loved them. God I wish they had shown how they got together cause oh my gosh??? THE ROLL CALL THING WAS SPECIFICALLY FOR ME OH MY GOD OH MY GODDDD. Topher looks alot happier this season I don't know before I saw him as a loser who brought people down with him. Who didn't have friends. But I don't know? They're actually really cute(and terrible mwahaha I'd hate them irl) and I wasn't expecting topher to get along with them. Just the way he looks at them and they love schemeing just as much as he does. Im just so used to topher frowning and stuff but his eyes were dilated alot this season not just for being bitten by snakes. I don't know I'm just surprised he has friends.(he obviously didn't have them before he mentions he only had limited social interactions I think they all got together during that summer or whatever?? Maybe over text??)

Theyre all terrible and I love that love the weird evil friend group. perfect parody thing of those kinds of friend groups. Snorkeling episode was my favorite I just love how they made fridas art more obscure!!!! I love that! Was worried with this episode

I love jackée holy shit more of her!! And lizzie!!and ivan! That one scene where they're so stupid is fun to me silly. And later topher wasn't even worried he was going to die he just looked happy looking at his friends after they wrre waiting to get on the submarine what the fuckkkk.

I think he likes being the leader the voting thing was probably fun for him. He's into that sort of stuff I suppose.

Okay enough about them I really enjoyed that this season was more fun than the last. At least for the most part? I enjoyed it when it let itself be wacky and I found it enjoyable. Still not the original but it's not going to be clone high reboot is its own show with lets face it completely different characters.

The only ones I didn't enjoy was 8-10 I guess didn't have too much time to watch it ill habe to rewatch again they weren't bad though.

Joan confucius Harriet should polycule sick of this shit. Its funny in a parody aspect their drama and Harriet sent her hearts! Hearts!

Joan and Confucius are cute. I hate to say I hate joanabe this season its fine if you like them I suppose I've never really liked them that much cause its a parody and abe literally thought of her like a sister before? Its a parody so I don't really care what anyone ships (edit: I realize I gotta clarify for this, not proshipping obviously I hate that shit)

Speaking of which jfk and abe qpr literally canon

#clone high

[prismarine-dungeon]

okay hi

so recently I've been in a bit of an art block, mostly with designing. this lead to me deciding I wanted to design concepts based on skins I know nothing about, and what better than lifesteal? i think I've watched at most One video from someone from that, so it meant I'd have no bias or fanon ideas

I had asked @aroaceacacia for some skins on anon, so here's a leowook and ashswagg

explanations and thoughts below the cut, since this'll be a bit rambly

okay so leowook

I decided to start with sketching the symbol on the face over and over in a notebook until I got something I could work with, and that landed me with the eye. It's slightly tilted on the face, as to match the symbol better. I went with a nice yellow to make it stand out, but I didn't plan that initially. I didn't intend it at first, but the eyebrow and mouth also help to make a shape with the pupil of the eye reminiscent of the symbol :D

In that early sketching phase, I also kept making him fluffy. I'm not really sure why, but it kept reoccurring, so I ran with it. I ended up giving him more animal-like legs and paw feet to keep the appearance. Though subtle, there's a gradient and freckles on the legs, as well as freckles on the face and a gradiant on the bang. I ended up messing with the colors on those a lot, since originally he looked too yellow. He was going to get a tail as well, tbh, but I felt like he didn't really need that, he worked better as a completely ambiguous fluffy guy.

On clothing, he and ashswagg are kinda, unintentionally, influenced by the different series I've been into lately- dishonored, assassins creed, and thief, but most notably the former. For leowook, I looked up suits on pinterest until I found this interesting one with a similar top piece, though it had a longer tailcoat with pockets on the sides. I was going to keep those, but I wasn't happy with how it was coming out, so I kept the parts I liked. I also made the pants into shorts, so I could show off the legs more. The suit in the image also had an ascot, so I decided to get a little silly with it and turn his tie into one. I know it likely doesn't make sense, but I don't care. Last things of note are the fact that I turned the buttons gold as to match the skin and added some onto the pants. There's also the belt with the pouch, but it was kinda an afterthought, so if I were to ever come back and reevaluate these concepts, this is something I'd completely redo

After I finished him, I was having fun and doodled him a little. Nothing too clean or anything, just things for fun

ashwagg

ashswagg ashswagg ashswagg. this guy gave me so many troubles. I'm not happy with how he turned out, but i think i shouldnt do anymore work on him.

initially, I wanted to go with something more galaxy/space inspired. I'm not sure what it is, but the silver and gold in there made me think of stars. however, I couldn't settle on a way to execute it. I wanted to make him space, but I also wanted to make his clothes space, but I also wanted him to just be a fuckign guy, but like make him very obviously not human in such a subtle way. I wanted to give him long hair, but also long hair just felt wrong somehow. eventually i just ended up getting to a point where I just put something on the canvas and I'd work with it.

with his hair and face, I wanted to obscure any face he could have. all I wanted visible was his mouth, partially because I kept playing with the idea in my head that he doesn't have a face under there, only a void or glitch or just an uncomprehensible darkness over where eyes should be. I tried to make the hair resemble his face, but I had trouble balancing that effect with the desire to cover his face how I wanted. one of my favorite concepts I played with was greasy emo punk kid who's bangs are so long they obscure his line of site, but I feel like it got a but lost.

if I were to reattempt him, I'd give him that greasy hair, but instead of the long bangs, a mask that covers most of his face or something. play with a weird balance of teenage menace and cool minecraft oc design.

with the outfit, I veered away from suits to coats and jackets. I just knew I wanted to go with something long (which, as you can see, didn't stay). I had saved a few different references, but the ones of note were this cool sleeveless coat thing and, essentially, the little hood he has on. attempt after attempt lead me to nix the first image and just use the hood for ideas. another concept I played with was a shoulder cape, like the ones ezio auditore wears in most of his games, but I wasn't feeling it.

with the colors, I wanted to make his skin a shade of purple, because I thought it'd be something fun to play with. his hair ended up, by process of elimination, this almost black color with a brighter purple on the tips. the rest of the outfit ended up being a similar palette, with barely thought out pattern concepts thrown on to try to grasp onto the color balance present on the skin. I think it could have worked if I had managed to get a glitch effect to work, especially if the glitch effect was a more purple-toned one, but as is it kinda just falls flat.

a fun detail, his kneepads were intended to be made out of a material like crying obsidian. I just thought it'd be neat. also, the hood on the cape I ended up giving the beak shape we see on assassins from ac, because it's silly to me and I thought itd fit. I was also planning on doing after doodles, but I ended up deciding against that by the time I finished

overall ashswagg ended up being an underbaked concept with too many things thrown in. hes the vanilla extract design of these two, if you will. in typing this, I did consider the idea of 'okay but what if I made him a kinda fucked up wizard thing with greasy emo hair' and that's an interesting avenue.

this was a lot of fun to do, despite some unhappiness here and there. that's the nature of concept designs and stuff, not every one is gonna be a winner. just means that you can eventually work out what you don't like later on.

and honestly, this experiment has given me a good perspective for future endeavors like this with my mcyt ocs. it's interesting to think about how a fandom would interpret them, and this'll give me a neat perspective on that. maybe I'll do similar studies and post those some day

#my art #lifesteal #mcyt concept art #leowook #ashswagg #while typing this i also considered ash with way too many eyes #so many possibilities #so little attempted #maybe if i feel like it ill try again with him #also to anyone who read all that #hi #i hope you enjoyed my 1 or so am thoughts

[iwillgiveyoumyhappiness]

Sincerely, Your Fellow Choi

@yyxgin Happy birthday, my beloved! I know this is way too late to be justifiable, and I have no real excuse. Just life and oversights, but never once do I want you to think I forgot about celebrating your birthday <3 It was literally on the list of things I most wanted to do this year—celebrate an amazing friend like you. So I hope you enjoy!

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April 16th, Saturday 11:55 PM

For the past couple of weeks, I've been getting an email every Sunday at 12AM exactly, like it's scheduled.

Taehyun kept telling me not to open them 'cause they could be viruses, but I'm dumb (as he likes to playfully remind me), so I didn't listen to him.

I opened one a few weeks ago, which led to opening all the ones I'd received up to that point. And now I'm sitting here, anxiously scrawling down whatever I can while waiting for the next one to show up. My leg is shaking like crazy.

They weren't spam like I originally thought. They're very well thought-out and written with love. Each email is an instruction manual of how to fall in love with (Y/F/N).

I wouldn't say we're friends, but we know each other from high school (which is something I've tried to leave far, far behind me), and we talk sometimes.

We have one or two overlapping classes, but we're not lunch buddies by any means necessary. She's nice enough. I remember her making chocolates for me once for a school-wide Secret Santa thing we did.

They were pretty good. Nothing to write home about, though.

But for some reason, someone out there who signs off all their emails with the phrase "sincerely, your fellow Choi", seems to want me to think that she's got a massive crush on me and we're a match made in heaven.

At first, I thought it was silly—maybe a prank from one of her friends or something. But y'know how you just get vibes sometimes? It just feels too absurd not to be true.

I'm not saying I've fallen for her just because of a few emails, but I am saying I've learned a lot about her through these email, and I can't really tell if that's creepy or not.

How is it that I've never once noticed her before reading these emails? She's been walking in and out of my life for well over 6 years, yet I've never given her a second thought.

She was always just there, doing her own thing. She had her friends, and I had mine—if you could really call them that. None of them cared enough to keep in touch with me after high school.

I don't know why this random Choi is trying to get me interested in this girl from a past that I'm trying to forget, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't working.

Oh! Hold up.

The new email just came. Gotta go—I'll try to write more tomorrow.

April 18th, Monday 10:31 PM

Okay, so obviously, I forgot to write more yesterday. My bad. But no one's ever gonna see this anyway, so it's okay.

This works out though, 'cause I did something kinda crazy today. I decided to join the art club, 'cause (Y/N)'s a part of it. Taehyun thinks I'm insane, and Kai kindly reminded me that I can barely draw a stick figure, but I think this will be good for me in the long-run.

I can get closer to her in my own time, and I can see what she's actually like—not just what the emails want me to believe.

And maybe I can finally face high school again in a new light. Maybe now that I'm an adult, I won't be so scared.

April 19th, Tuesday 6:22 PM

Art is way harder than expected. I thought I'd pick it up pretty fast, but nah. I was wrong. This looks like chicken scratch.

On the upside, I talked to (Y/N) today. She could tell I was struggling, so she scooched over and whispered some shading tips while the team leader went over the assignment. She even offered to give me some drawing lessons on the weekends.

She didn't ask why I joined an art club, even though I'm a terrible artist.

It was nice. She was nice.

And she wasn't like how I remembered. I remembered someone more rambunctious and self-assured, and I guess that's why she always intimidated me.

Not to say she's not self-assured now, just more quiet about it. I can't tell if she's grown up, or if she's changed.

I also can't figure out why I haven't done either of those things yet.

April 23th, Saturday 3:00 PM

I had my first drawing lesson with (Y/N) today. She's such a good artist—it's kind of scary.

The emails keep talking about this hidden crush she's got on me, but I don't know if I fully believe it. I don't think I make her nervous at all.

She just smiles and talks and hums while she sketches. I don't seem to have an affect on her. She's just nice to me, like she is to everyone else.

And for some reason, that upsets me. The emails have been so accurate about everything else—her favorite colors, her hobbies, her favorite song, her allergies—yet it feels like they got her feelings for me all wrong.

I don't know why I'm upset about this. I've already told myself I'm not catching feelings, just seeing for myself what all the fuss is about. But still... I'm a little disappointed.

I guess I just expected more.

May 24th, Tuesday 8:01 PM

Wow, I kinda forgot about this. It's been a while since my last entry, but don't worry—it's for a good reason. (Y/N) and I have actually been hanging out a lot these days, and it's been fun.

Most of the time, it's for club things or art lessons, but sometimes we walk to class together or grab some coffee. And remember how I said we weren't lunch buddies? Well, we are now.

And we get along pretty well! She's funny. And I'm starting to think the crush thing might be more accurate than I thought.

I don't have any solid proof, but sometimes I swear I can feel her staring at me when she thinks I'm not paying attention. And she's always respectful of my personal bubble, yet tries to sit as close to me as possible without touching.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, or maybe it's my man brain trying to convince me, "oh yeah, dude. She's for sure into you", but either way, I'm kinda hoping I'm right.

In these few weeks I've spent truly noticing her and having her in the forefront of my life instead of on the sidelines, I've realized that I wouldn't hate it if she had a crush on me.

In fact, I'd be honored. She's cool.

May 30th, Monday 7:45 AM

This is gonna be a short entry 'cause I'm already late for class, but I just had to jot this down real quick in case I forget.

I think I figured out who the 'fellow Choi' is. The emails reminded me that (Y/N)'s close to that jock guy, Choi Yeonjun. They've been friends and neighbors since they were little, and he went to the same high school as us, just a year ahead.

I vaguely remember him as one of the hooligans she used to skateboard around with, but the memory's fuzzy.

I've seen them hanging out before, but I didn't realize they were that tight. If there's anyone who would know that much about her, it'd be him. I'm gonna confront him tomorrow, so we'll see what happens.

May 31st, Tuesday 5:53 PM

Yeah, so that whole confronting thing? It didn't go so well. I now have confirmation that he's not the fellow Choi, but I also have a bloody nose, so I don't know if I've accomplished anything.

It was a real 'one step forward, two steps back' kind of situation. From what I've seen of him around campus, he seems like a very chill, friendly guy, and you can tell he cares for (Y/N) like a brother.

So you can imagine my surprise when I said 'hi' and his first reaction was to grab me by the collar, shove me against a brick wall, and sock me in the nose.

What I hate most was the eyes it attracted. I just know there's gonna be rumors about us fighting for (Y/N)'s hand or some crap.

All in all, something tells me he doesn't like me. He told me to stay away from (Y/N) if I didn't have the 'right intentions'.

His exact words were, "The Chois in her life have already given her enough shit, and if you add on to that, I swear to God, I'll break so much more than your nose."

It was definitely a change from the guy I'd seen ruffling (Y/N)'s hair and giving her noogies while complimenting her latest artwork and calling her a nerd.

I'm scared and angry, for sure, but also just confused. I feel like there's more to this story that I'm not getting or hasn't been revealed to me yet. I feel left behind.

And also, I wish he'd been more clear as he threatened me. What are my intentions supposed to be?

'Cause I think I'm falling for her. And if that's not Choi Yeonjun approved, how am I just supposed to just stop these feelings from growing?

Would it even be possible at this point?

June 2nd, Thursday 9:10 PM

I emailed back the fellow Choi the other day. I wanted to see if they knew what I did to hurt (Y/N) and Yeonjun in the past.

They never answered.

June 13th, Monday 11:11 AM

(Y/N) made Yeonjun apologize to me. Not gonna lie, it was a little gratifying to see that tough guy all humbled and grumbly while she glared up at him and demanded an apology.

All-in-all, even though it was forced, he seemed pretty genuine. He even asked how my nose was doing. I told him it wasn't broken, and I think (for the most part) there are no lingering hard feelings between us.

Except for the ones he's hiding from me—the ones that I assume have been there for a long time. And he must've said something to (Y/N), 'cause she's been weird too. Not mean or cold, just distant. Lost in her thoughts, even when we're together.

I wonder if he brought up some memories from the past that she'd forgotten or repressed. I kind of resent him for that a little, 'cause things were going well between us, and now I don't know what to do with my feelings.

They're getting too strong to keep inside, but would it be insensitive to confess now? I don't even know anymore. I'm so confused.

More than anything, I just wanna know what I did. I must've been either really self-absorbed or incredibly insecure in high school, because I'm coming to realize that I never really noticed anyone.

It was always just me in my little bubble, and even with my friends, I never let them get too close. As I'm writing this, I also kinda realize that I'm the only person stopping myself from making genuine connections with others.

And that pretty much decides it for me. I'm gonna confess to her this weekend—just you watch.

June 19th, Sunday 10:30 PM

Today might be one of my favorite days ever. I spent the whole day with (Y/N), and for the first time in a while, it didn't feel awkward.

I would kind of consider this our first date. We went out for breakfast, then we talked for hours and realized, "Oh, we should probably get lunch." And after lunch, we didn't wanna say goodbye, so we decided to go for a walk. "Work off the calories," she said.

By that time, we were hungry again, so she invited me to her dorm for an improvised snack dinner. It certainly wasn't gourmet, but it was tasty, and it was fun to make it together.

She looked so pretty. She didn't even do anything special—she just looked nice. So I told her. Then one thing led to another, and I was rambling and going on and on, and then I finally got it out.

Those three words I'd been trying to spit out all day. "I like you."

And guess what? She likes me too. She actually, genuinely likes me. And before I left, you know that she did? She gave me a kiss on the hand.

Not on the cheek, not on the lips, but on my hand. I've never gotten butterflies like that before. It's so weird to think that now... I have a girlfriend. It's wild.

It was really cool seeing her place, too. I remembered her skateboarding back in high school (hard to forget with the emails proudly remind me every five seconds), but she actually has medals and stuff from competitions she entered in with her old team.

Yeonjun was on that team too, apparently. She had a framed picture of them proudly showing off their second place trophy with their arms slung over each other's shoulders.

Cute picture. A little small for the frame, though. Maybe I should get her a new one.

July 10th, Sunday 12:15 AM

I think I just got the last email. It felt ominous, like a permanent goodbye. "I can't have her back anymore, so I'm leaving it up to you. If you haven't fallen for her at this point, please at least just be her friend. I'm sure Yeonjun's all she's got. Be good to her."

And as always, signed off with that 'sincerely, your fellow Choi'. I'm not sure why, but when I read it this time, I got goosebumps all over my body.

It was like I'd been talking to a ghost. They were there, and then they were gone—like a cool breeze or a puff of smoke.

It feels empty.

September 3rd, Saturday 9:45 PM

(Y/N) got mad at me for the first time today. We were doing some studying at her place, and I was admiring the pictures and medals on her wall while she was in the bathroom.

But I'm a klutz, so of course, I ended up knocking something over. It was that framed picture of her and Yeonjun. The glass shattered and the back fell out, and I swear I felt my heart drop into my stomach.

All I could think was 'shit, shit, I just broke the important thing', and like a little kid, my first thought was to get rid of the evidence.

Now, realistically, there was nothing I could do about the glass in such a short time, but I thought if I could just pop the panel back on and make sure the framing wasn't damaged...

But that's when I noticed the picture, slightly peeking out from the broken frame. It was too small because it had been folded.

I wasn't trying to pry. I wasn't trying to look at it.

But it was there, unfolded right in front of me. And I could see that in the previously folded up corner, (Y/N) had her arm wrapped another guy. A guy with longish black hair, his nose scrunched up by a big, toothy grin, and a skateboard pinned under his arm.

The three of them looked so happy together. A perfect little trio. And when I looked at the guy, I couldn't help but feel a sense of familiarity.

When (Y/N) finally came out, she blew up at me. I couldn't tell if it was because of the fact that I broke her frame, or because I saw the other half of that picture.

Now, (Y/N)'s not a petty person, so if I had to guess... I'd say it was the latter. I wanna know who he is. I wanna know why he feels so familiar. And I wanna know why he hurts her so much.

So much so that she would fold him out of a picture, but not find it within herself too throw it away.

But I'm dumb, so I didn't say any of those things. We just argued. I stormed out.

I regret it.

September 7th, Wednesday 4:32 PM

We've made up. That's what we say, anyway. But it's awkward, with just a hint of tension.

I've tried talking it out with her, asking about that guy, but she says she doesn't want to talk about it.

I'm not experienced enough for this. I don't know what's right. I don't know when to push and when to let it lie.

I'm scared to mess this up.

Soobin laid dead asleep in his room, disturbed by an incessant tap-tap-tap.

With a groan, he rolled over in bed, flipping on his bedside lamp and instinctively checking the time on his phone. Two in the morning. He groaned again as the tapping only became more insistent.

In his bleary daze, he managed to glance at the window, doing a double-take as he saw a shadowy figure outside of it. His eyes widened, pulling the sheets up and over his nose as slowly as possible. The tapping stopped, and he could’ve sworn he saw the figure sigh.

Moments later, his phone buzzed with a notification.

“It’s me, coward,” the notification read.

With a start, he jumped up, swinging his window open with expert speed, successfully shocking the person on the other side of the glass. “(Y/N)!” he gasped, grabbing her wrists and pulling her back towards him as she lost her balance.

He reared backward, pulling her into the room and landing them both on the bed with a thump, Soobin splayed flat on his back and (Y/N) nestled somewhat comfortably into his shoulder. “What were you doing on the roof, you idiot?” he asked, hands instinctively going to rub up and down her back.

“I didn’t wanna wake your roommates...” she said sheepishly. “They probably heard me scream, though.”

Soobin shook his head, biting back the chuckle that rose in his throat. “Nah, don’t worry too much,” he said. “They sleep like rocks.” He took a moment to bask in the silence between them. This was the most carefree they’d been together in a while. “So what brings you here this cold evening?”

She propped herself up a little, examining his face with a hint of something in her eyes. He didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but maybe guilt? She cupped his cheek. 

“Have I ever told you why I like you?” she asked softly. Soobin only shook his head. “It’s ‘cause you care so much more than you think you do. You’re so humble, and you always underestimate yourself, but you’re the coolest, most kindest guy out there.” He felt butterflies whirl up in his stomach like the first time she kissed his hand. “I just needed to tell you that.”

Soobin could feel himself tearing up, but he willed himself to suck it in. “Well... Thank you,” he said. He wanted to say anything else. He wanted to list all the reasons he liked her and how he’d started finding peace and self-acceptance through her, but no words came out—like a blubbering fish out of water.

“Can I introduce you to someone?” (Y/N) asked, seemingly to instinctively know that he wouldn’t be able to get anything out.

Soobin blinked in confusion. “What, like... right now?” he asked.

She nodded. “If we don’t do this now, I’m worried I’ll get too scared again.”

Now, he could give a million viable excuses on why he couldn’t go. He’s tired, he has early morning classes, it’s nearly freezing—but none of that mattered. He wanted to do whatever she wanted to do.

It’d easily been an hour, and they were only getting further from the familiar territory of their campus grounds. Soobin could feel himself dozing off again, but he urged himself not to. Even if he felt like shit in the morning, he was gonna stay awake for this.

“Where are we goin’?” he asked from the passenger seat of (Y/N)’s dumpy old car that stubbornly refused not to die, like a spiteful great-aunt.

“We’re almost there,” she said cryptically, gripping the steering wheel ever so slightly tighter. “Just give it a sec. It’s on the left.”

Soobin blinked hard and mussed up his hair, trying to make himself more presentable. He was still in his pajamas, so the least he could do would be to look awake. He glance at all the signs as they passed by buildings, each one of them not likely to be their stop.

When she finally slowed down and flicked on her blinker, Soobin’s heart dropped, the words ‘columbarium’ staring him in the face like the barrel of a gun. “(Y/N)—” he started.

She shook her head. “Don’t say anything yet,” she instructed gently. “Just wait till we get inside.” She took a pause while she put the car in park. “And hold my hand. I haven’t been here in a while.”

With her hand tightly grasped in his and the car locked behind them, they made their way into the building. Already, it was a sad, humbling atmosphere—seeing all the urns, photos, bouquets, and letters from family pinned up on the wall. There was so much love and sorrow, all contained in one place.

Finally, (Y/N) stopped in front of one specific niche. ”Meet Beomgyu,” she said, a slight tremor in her voice. “One of my best friends, and your fellow Choi.” In the picture frame behind the cage of glass stood a very familiar boy with longish black hair, a toothy grin, and a crinkled nose.

Soobin looked at her with wide eyes. “How did you—?”

“You left your diary at my place,” she said. “I’m sorry I was nosy, but I couldn’t help but read it. And by doing that, I realized how much I’ve been making you suffer on your own, and I’m so sorry.” She gripped his hand tighter, making eye contact with him. “Will you forgive me?”

His heart ached. “There’s nothing to forgive, honestly...” he said, voice barely above a whisper. It felt rude to speak any louder in a place full of the deceased.

“You don’t have to lie to make me feel better, y’know,” she said. “It’s not a fair relationship if we’re always walking on eggshells around each other. So I’ll share some of my scars with you tonight, and you can share yours when you’re ready. I might not get all your questions answered, but I'll start.”

He felt his chest tighten. He couldn’t help but feel grateful to Choi Beomgyu for leading him to such a great girl.

He nodded. “Okay,” he said. “I promise I'll do the same for you later.” He looked back at Beomgyu’s picture. The longer he looked at it, the more bits and pieces of memories from high school came flooding back in.

(Y/N), Yeonjun, and Beomgyu. The kids who always rode into school on their skateboards, zooming past everyone on the way through the front gates while laughing and shouting jokes at each other. Soobin was pretty separate from their friend group, but out of all of them, he was most familiar with Beomgyu.

He was the class clown. Everyone loved him, and he loved making everyone laugh—even at his own expense. Yeonjun was always the one to back him up with a smile on his face, even when he called him a dumbass. And (Y/N) was always the one following quietly behind them, cleaning up thier messes.

But she never seemed to mind. She didn’t even care that as they walked down the halls, people would call out “Hey, Beomgyu!” or “Hey, Yeonjun!”, but no one ever called out for her.

“Tell me about him,” Soobin said.

She took a deep breath. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“How’d you become friends?”

She cracked a little smile, though he could still see the pain lacing it from the scabbed over wound on her heart that had yet to fully heal. “Yeonjun and Beomgyu were nextdoor neighbors, I lived across the street,” she said. “Their mom’s were best friends, and I moved to the neighborhood with my folks later on. Y’know how moms always want you be comfortable and have friends you can count on?”

Soobin chuckled. “For sure,” he said. “Even if I got a terrible report card, my mom’s first instinct was still to scold me on how I didn’t put in enough effort to make friends.”

“My mom was the same,” she said. “So about a week after we moved in, she said, ‘C’mon! Let’s go say hi to the neighbors’ sons!’ I was shy and I didn’t wanna go, but God, am I glad I did. They were both at Beomgyu's place, and as soon as I got through the front door, they dragged me upstairs to play Mario Kart and then outside to shoot each other with nerf guns.”

Her smile grew, more genuine this time. “I didn’t have time to be nervous, not with their hyper-active asses. From that point on, we basically grew up together. They were like my big brothers. Whatever they did, I wanted to do it too. That’s why I started skating, y’know.”

“Now, Beomgyu... I don’t even know how to describe him. He was like a whirlwind, y’know? He was crazy, confident, a little overzealous at times, but sweet. He always remembered the little things about you, and even though his loudness could be a little annoying at first, once he went quiet with you, you felt like something was missing."

She sighed through her nose. "I miss his voice," she said rawly, as if she hadn't allowed herself to admit that for the past couple of years.

“The three of us went through life, did everything together, talked about how we were gonna get matching tattoos once we graduated, and then one day, we were all skating—practicing for a competition, actually—and Beomgyu fell.” Her voice grew quieter at the end. 

“Beomgyu never fell. He said he felt dizzy and his head hurt. We thought he must’ve hit it on the way down, so we rushed him off the the hospital—a bunch of scared teenagers. And that’s where they discovered it. A weird hybrid type of acute myeloid leukemia.”

Soobin squeezed her hand tighter. She appreciated it. “Most people live at least 5 years after being diagnosed, but Beomgyu didn’t have that time. It was too late and too developed. He had a little under a year.”

Soobin’s heart ached. No wonder it was  painful memory. She lost her best friend when she was just a kid. “That must’ve been awful for you,” he whispered, stepping a little closer to her, just to let her feel his warmth.

“It was,” she agreed softly. “What’s worse though is that I spent those last 6 months lying straight to his face.”

 Soobin gave her a questioning look.

“Yeonjun cornered me one day. Told me that Beomgyu had been in love with me for a few years, but I never even noticed,” she said. In Soobin’s head, that made sense. And it explained the affection behind the emails’ tone. “And he never confessed ‘cause he didn’t wanna mess up our friendship, and then he thought he’d lost his shot, ‘cause I started crushing on you.”

“But Yeonjun looked me straight in the eyes as we stood by a vending machine in the hospital at almost 11:30 one night and said, ‘Beomgyu’s gonna confess to you tonight. Please accept him’.” 

She let out a dry laugh at the memory. “I didn’t know what to say. It’s not that I was disgusted by the thought of being with him or that I was particularly hung up on you—I just thought you were cute at that point—but I just didn’t feel... anything. No sparks. And that’s not how love’s supposed to be.”

“So I though I’d turn him down gently,” she continued. “Knowing Beomgyu, I thought he’d be happy to just get it off his chest, and then we could spend his last few months as we always had. The unbeatable trio.”

She leaned her head on Soobin’s shoulder, feeling drained and tired. “But when I got into his room, he’d prepared flowers, and balloons, and a handwritten letter, and a big romantic speech, and I just... 

She nuzzled closer into his shoulder. "I didn’t have the heart. He’d never had a girlfriend before, and I couldn’t help but feel like it was all my fault. Maybe he was waiting for me and I just never got to that point. So I accepted him. I’ve never seen him look so relieved. He almost cried.”

“So I went six months... Pretending to be in love with him. But I think he knew. I think he knew my heart wasn’t in it, and that’s what made it even worse. He would apologize all the time with that sad smile on his face, and it just made me feel even worse.”

“So I tried harder to be a good girlfriend, made myself feel even worse, argued with Yeonjun all the time ‘cause I felt like he was only thinking about Beomgyu, and overall, I just screwed everything up. He had less than a year left with us and I wasted it lying to him. I didn’t even do it well. It all felt pointless.”

“Especially when I knew for sure he knew. He told me he was gonna repay me someday for helping him live out his short dream, even though it was hard for me. I guess he held up his end.” 

She looked up, meeting eyes with Soobin, his dark orbs damp with sympathy. “He gave me you, the crazy bastard. Guess he knew five years would probably be enough for me not to totally hate myself anymore,” she chuckled. “That way, I could love properly again.”

She looked back at the niche, staring intently at Beomgyu’s portrait, as well as the smaller pictures laid out around it. Pretty much all of them had herself and Yeonjun inside of them, right next to Beomgyu and his dopey grin.

“He never let me kiss him,” she said. “I tried, but he never let me. He always joked and said ‘cooties’, but I know it’s ‘cause he didn’t want me to waste my first kiss on a lie. He was good like that.”

Without him realizing it, Soobin had started crying. Not a harsh sob or a broken whimper, just thick tears pouring out of his stinging, red eyes. He couldn’t tell if he was saddened by the story or thankful for the gesture.

Wordlessly, he faced the niche, giving a deep bow. “Thank you,” he whispered, “for giving me your best friend. I can tell how much you love her.”

In that moment, the air changed. It felt warmer.

Maybe somewhere out there, in a different timeline or dimension, Beomgyu was flashing his dopey smile, happy that another one of his hair-brained schemes worked out. 

#kpop #kpop fluff #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop angst #kpop drabbles #kpopidol #txt #tomorrow x together #soobin #choi soobin #beomgyu #choi beomgyu

[the-blind-geisha]

holy eff, that was 2 years ago? im so sorry, im absolutely unaware of the passage of time XD but yep! that's me! it wasn't very hard to find you tbh, i went to overlord tag one day and i found your art. this time i simply searched for demiurge and was pleasantly surprised that you changed your blog again (more like returned to your old one but yeah). don't worry tho, no need to hide from me! im a good anon, and a person you knew quite good (and also a person who, i think, triggered you once? with some depressing themes. im so deeply sorry for that) glad to hear you have everything under control now! but im more glad that you're enjoying yourself and grow the fandom. overlord is really amazing, both anime and light novel (that's it, if i ever decide to watch the new season or catch up with the novel). you did a very fine choice, dear, to get into it! (and, especially, to get into demiurge hehe) don't mention it truly! i've been wondering for a few weeks now how you're doing and all. and i'm really, really happy to see you're enjoying yourself and having fun.

I also wanted to say that, uh, i know how ac fandom treated you and please take no offence, but, i really appreciate that you didn't delete the responds to people's asks or the gifts that are ac themed. i know it wasn't an easy choice, and i really appreciate it. it sounds stupid but it means a lot as it brought some pleasant memories. so, yeah, thanks for that! <3 (also: your emmett is forever in our hearts) i hope you won't mind me being here from time to time (and not like, appearing after 2 years XD). you were always so lovely to talk to! you still are, of course, but yeah! lovely to talk to and you're lovely too! as always <3 - P

LOL to be fair, I think the pandemic really threw us all for a loop. X”D Heck, it being 2022 hasn't really come to my realization yet. I still keep thinking 2020 was just last year.

Haha, that is very fair. ♥ If you were able to hunt through the Demiurge tag, that is indeed where I kinda live now. ♥ Though I am working more and more on drifting my version of him out of the fandom and into my original works. But we'll see! I do love the character a lot!

Oof, I gotta be honest, anon. My memory got a bit scattered no thanks to anemia causing me a bit of brain fog/damage. So if you did anything that triggered me, it's quite alright. ♥ I've obviously gone past whatever may have happened now, and it is all water under the bridge as they say.

I adore Overlord, but my poor Albedo and Demiurge... I wish they were given more time to develop. ;~; They are my treasures next to Yuri Alpha. ♥ But I do hope you enjoy the new season! I love the animation has really been upped in quality! I'm still eagerly waiting for the movie!

Thank you! I have a lovely group of readers and friends who support me like yourself, and I appreciate every single one of them. I especially love the readers who have been with me since the AC days. The fact you guys will still follow me from one thing to the next is sweet, and I am always happy to see reoccurring names pop up now and again!

I will be honest, hon, in that I did delete a few things in my desire to heal away from the fandom years back, but not all of it is gone, no. ♥ The Fall is still on AO3, I just removed my name from it, and the Prostitute Series, while removed from AO3, is still on here too. I know those were the main stories people would have been upset to be removed from the net completely. I do still have the others on my hard drive (like certain love letters and The Dove Effect, Daddy Dearest, etc), but I just don't feel comfortable releasing them again to the public. Maybe one day. ♥

Aww, thank you! I actually did plan on bringing Emmett back into a Victorian setting but away from AC: S. ♥ I had a werewolf story in London kinda idea that I wanted him to be apart of, so he will return just—in a new way and away from Jacob being his dad. (He's gonna have an adopted dad/mentor instead.)

Awww, I adore when folks drop in to say hi every now and again! I still get people DMing me saying 'thank you for writing this super old fic from 2005' ever so often, and it's great! I hope people never think it's weird or annoying to talk to me about old times or just say hello. I promise, it's okay to do so. ♥

It's kind of why I never really ever change my name or at least, try not to. ♥ I want it to be easier for folks to find me.

It's always great to hear from you, anon! ♥

#and soon 2023 will be here... lol #who's ready for that? #i know i'm not X"D #thanks again hon! #mod answers #anon #anon: P

[falsebooles123]

Dairy of a Horror Buff 8.20.22

CW: Horrors beyond your mortal ken. nah we're watching some fucked up shit today so maybe sit this one out if you don't want to see that.

UGH BITCHES BUT LIKE IN A GOOD WAY.

I was looking for a gif from there Shiny Happy People Short were there like Happiness more like Hap-penis lmoa gottum but apparently you whores can't appreciate fine art.

I got over that period of self doubt have formulated an action plan and I'll be OK. I just needed some time to emotional process shit which I think is like a good thing. Like is nature healing, like is daddy not repressing his emotions anymore???

I love that tumblr is 50% nihlistic goth mood boards. Keep up the good work ladies, gents, and assorted gentry.

so I was watching Betty Boop cartoons yesterday and I was like hey I haven't seen a lot of animated horror. Surely it exists maybe I should pop some of that shit in my gullet so today lets watch a bunch of fucked up shit online.

but first I kinda have to tell you about what I watched last night.

Stigma (1977) dir. Lawrence Gordon Clark

ok so this and the next one are a diversion from the original format of AGSFC. the last two of the original series are acutally original screenplays. This one was written by Clive Exton. This is also the last film of the series to be directed by Clark.

so the film is pretty basic plot wise. It involves a mother moving to a cottage out on the moors??? the heath??? whatever the fuck its called. one of those british prairie things shes there. and guess what else is there spoopy stones. specifically a stone circle along with what the discription calls a menhir. which is like a stone circle but its just like a single rock.

anyway there like

UWU LETS UNBUWWY THE ANCIENT EWWIL.

the momma gets hella cursed, starts spontanious bleeding, serving us titane realness.

I'm obviously talking about the whole body horror bathroom scenes but this is the only gifs on tumblr for what I feel is obvious reasons.

this film was actually pretty refreshing it gives us this 1970s banality horror vibes which I love. The plot is vague and ambiguious which is what a good ghost story should be. I really liked this.

The Ice House (1978) dir. Derek Lister

Ok so this is the last AGSFC episode of the original series and was also the only one not directed by Clark. Who the fuck is Derek Lister? Apparently he was a theater director who branched into television dramas I imagine hes a famalier name in certain circles but if your not into 80s british theater you like myself have no recollection of him.

Now am I horrible impressed by this film but lets be honest this is television movies meant to appeal to old stodgers. This stuff probably had no budget.

That being said Lister wasn't a poor sport at all, I like the sort of uncanny vibe of this. We have a health spa, creepy incestious siblings, and an ailing protaganist whose convinced theres something spooky in the old ice house.

This honestly gives me poe vibes, (might be the incest), it definetly feels like a classic ghost story in a lot of ways, the way that the horror is slowly metered out, the questioning of sanity, the sort of vague lore thats never spelt out.

Most people find this film to be a poor send off of this series and sure its not creepy and gothic but I honestly did love them trying new things out.

Ok so that was the end of the orginal AGSFC. Might watch the reboot might not now lets watch something fucked up.

The Scuzzies (2019) dir. Jimmy ScreamerClauz

so what got me on this path was rewatching Nyxfears Disturbing Movies megacut and she mentioned this creator. and I'm like this is the exact shit I'm looking for when it comes to horror shorts.

so one thing that fascinates me is that kind of uncanny 3d animation. I've never been the biggest fan of 3d animation, (through I unirionically like RYBY so take it with a grawn of salt), so that sort of early 2000s look where everything low poly and badly lit is never something I was exposed too.

HIs style feels like a low letter to that sort of thing.

The Scuzzies are what I am assuming are a reace of brownies or similer house sprites who live in some sort of fucked up crack house.

The owner has set up traps and the scuzzies are murdered brutally through a variety of methods that I don't want to describe.

The scuzzies then proceed to go back to their nest, sacrifice an elde3r to create a eldritch hivemind??? who proceeds to seduce the owner of the house and then brutally murder him.

This shit is like an acid trip. everything is disguisting and hard to look at and its feeled with blood and cum and shit, and a bunch of things that are also some combination of that. It's captivating in a really messed up way but I also could never show this to my family.

ok lets move onto something that doesn't involve bloody ejaculate.

Muse (2022) dir. Lunely

Ok I love how Letterboxd will literally not have some random B-Movie but will absolutely have a random animated youtube short. This is not tea nor shade I just love finding stuff like this on Letterboxd. It gives a kind of validity to a lot of smaller works out there in a weird way.

Anyway there are so many horror animations on youtube that they could never show them all but this one was cute. A young artist wakes up in the middle of the night and walks downstairs to her studio, she sharpens her sketching pencil as her muses silolette is cast by the flash of lightening.

it was cute I like this I need to watch more Calarts Short Films.

I Live In The Woods (2011) dir. Max Winston

Ok but is this a regular show character or a jojo character asking for a friend. This was horrifric. it starts out so cute until it goes entirely insane and is like how realistic do you want your stop motion gore and viscera.

Down To The Bone (2009) dir. Peter Ahern

Ok so this gives me big Don't Starve Energy.

Michael is a boy with really bad allergies. when his shitty babysitter kicks him outside he manages to sneeze so badly that he flips inside out. bloody nonsense ensues.

Who's Hungry? (2009) dir. David Ochs.

No little german boy don't get icecream.

oh mein gott zis haus es full of kinder-munchen.

so this is another calarts film and also one that I have seen before a couple years ago. Essentially two little kids are stolen by a ice cream man who turns out to be a cannibal. its definetly one that I recommend.

The Backwater Gospel dir. Bo Mathorne

OK so I'm not sure who Bo Mathorne is but I am obsessed. we're being served dark western which is one of my favorite genres/aestetics. Essentially we watch the townspeple of backwater get ready for church as the local tramp plays his guitar.

The Underaker comes to town, a shade that comes to take one life before he leaves. the local preacher rips the town into a fury to kill the tramp who he sees to be the cause of the harbringer. As you can imagine its a monster are do on mulberry street moment and thre is carnage bloody carnage.

Absolutely iconic we stan.

Felix the Ghost Breaker (1923) dir. Otto Messmer

so felix the cat actually has a really interesting history. It was made by either Pat Sullivan or Otto Messmer and was acutally rather big in the silent film era. At his point in 1923 it was beggining to lose relevency since fleischer and disney were having there pissing contest at this point and that urinating was captured in stunning surround sound.

Felix was also apparently a comic strip before this and it definetly shows, the animation isn't as fluid as I'm use to with 30s cartoons and the way that the style and the word bubbles are written are vary reminscent of early comic strips. Its almost an animated comic strip in that sense.

I can't say Iove this film but it is a cool part of film history.

Ok one more.

The Haunted House (1929) dir. Walt Disney

ok so this is pretty much the same vibe as the last couple classic animation shorts. Mickey Mouse goes to a house thats super fucking haunted sweetheart and the ghosts and skeletons and shit are like nobody leaves without singing the blues.

what an iconic movie. directors don't be afraid to put an entire fucking music number in your fucking movie.

so yeah theres some dancing skeletons bois and mickey mouse does a couple sight gags.

OK bitches I'm gonna simp for Elisabeth Shue in Adventures in Babysitting (1987) and watch Salad Fingers while bullet journaling.

#diary #horror #letterboxchallenge #letterboxd #horrormovies #horror shorts #Youtube #Vimeo

[kisari]

ramblings on my personal feelings about my GG fave

i have such mixed feelings about testament's redesign. before i get too much into it. this is the internet so in case any rando sees this and doesnt know me: there is no wrong or right way to be nonbinary. there is no wrong or right way to present or feel yourself. i am against binary completely. i do not believe in transa/ndrophobia garbage.

i also wanna state i am a long time testament fangirlie. i love testament. i am happy testament was added. im happy they came out and said testament is x-gender/nb. testament in the old GG games partially helped me realize i was transmasc/nb. i think maybe thats why the redesign makes me feel a bit strange. first, a comparison.

Testament's general goth vibe and outfit basically never changed until Strive. I do think it's very interesting that from GG-->GGIsuka, Testament gained a six pack and yet also somehow became much skinnier and looks almost emaciated. Original GG Testament was very much a softer type build with no abs. I'd even say in Strive, their body shape became closer to how it was in the original GG.

Along with that, a lot of the design elements are still there, which I think is really impressive. The boots, the skirt, the gloves, and their new corset has the same arm flairs/wraps as their old tube top did. Really, they did a great job keeping the same vibe but showing that Testament has changed. So what's my problem? I've been trying to figure it out for a while. And seeing this concept art for Strive I think kinda cemented my feelings.

It was clear from the beginning they wanted Testament to have a more "fancy" look(lol the hat). In fact the one on the right is almost the exact same outfit but their body is drastically different... And I think this might be why I feel so mixed. GG creator has said Testament was always X-gender, and I think this comes through from their design from the very start. Back in ye olden days, before the Strive redesign, Testament 100% received transphobic comments that I shant repeat. But I'm sure you can imagine the sort of hatred and slurs a transfem would receive. having testament's redesign be clearly, much much more feminine isn't necessarily a bad thing- in fact i dont think its bad. again... being nb doesnt mean someone has to look any certain way. but testament isnt a real person. testament is a character designed by people. how would people have reacted if Testament was more masculine, but they still came out and said they were nb? The poses, the voice... it was all the same but Testament wasn't clearly much more fem? the way nb feels like something only allowed to more fem presenting people i guess makes me a bit concerned. go to any post about testament and look at the comments. its all "SEXY MOMMY THIGHS THEY SLAYIN" type shit. testament p much never received this attention beforehand. testament was also just... not as popular as other chars such as brisket who received the majority of attention in this way.

where am i going with this... idk. in a way, i have a lot of not clear thoughts and no where to put them. again maybe its just because i saw testament as gender goals before strive. and as someone that is nb but wants to be more masc it makes me a bit upset. there is absolutely a pattern of what is acceptable for a nb person to look like(especially when you are transfem), and i guess it just sucks that it happened to testament who i thought was perfect in the beginning. ngl i do also miss their edgier parts also. they def moved away from edgy to a fancy/posh vibe. testament's scythe used to be made of their own blood, and they'd cut off their body parts and remove skin for attacks. i can, obviously accept that this can be a reflection of them growing as a person and no longer self harming now that they are happy... or maybe it was too hard to animate in 3D... teehee....

this walk cycle literally cannot be beat it is the best.

i wanna be them so bad again tho i wanna reiterate. testament is my #1 fave guilty gear char forever i love them. this will not change. i just have many thots and feelings

#literally this post is super long #if you wanna see my autism rant feel free to click

[totallynotreadingatwork]

Mini Book Review Dump

Ahahaha so as with all things I'm hopeless at keeping up with updating stuff. Too busy reading to blog about reading, you know how it is. In the time I've been forgetting to post I've read the following books:

The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern - I really really liked it; it felt (now bear with me here) like a kind of spiritual successor to Alice in Wonderland. Not with the plot or the characters, but just in the sense of wonder and exploration it evoked.

Slither's Tale by Joseph Delaney, book 12 of The Wardstone Chronicles - It was weird to follow a completely different character to the ones the rest of the series focuses on, but it was interesting to see a new place and meet new species of dark creature. And Grimalkin showed up so I'm a happy gal.

The Sisters of Reckoning by Charlotte Nicole Davis, book 2 of The Good Luck Girls duology - I cannot actually express how much I loved this book without giving away the plot in major ways. Just know that it was a perfect sequel in that all the things that you wish would have happened in the previous book happened in this one, and it was glorious. I love it. I'm going to have to actually buy myself copies of these so I can have them forever (I got both from the library so don't own them... yet)

The Lost Hero by Rick Riordan, book 1 of the Heroes of Olympus series - This one is a re-read; I originally read them as they were coming out and just kinda felt like revisiting them since I only read them through the once. I, like everyone else, just adore Riordan's writing and characters, and you don't need me to tell you it was good.

Near the Bone by Christina Henry - Honestly not her best work. I was kind of disappointed; the characters felt a bit flat, there was a lot of repetitiveness to the writing that was more annoying than anything, and the ending was very sudden and didn't really give much closure or any answers. If you're new to Henry's books, don't start with this one (start with Lost Boy).

The Fever Code by James Dashner, book 5 (or 0.5, or 2, depending on how you like to order series) of The Maze Runner series - I would say this is the worst book in the series, but that's only because all the others are so good. This one was decent, but we ultimately knew the fate of the characters and WICKED from the previous books so a lot of the stakes just didn't feel real. We knew Thomas couldn't be harmed or die because he needs to survive for book 1 to happen. Still, it was very enjoyable, and I think if you read it before The Maze Runner then you'd enjoy it a lot more.

The Foundling by Stacy Halls - There was so much nothing that happened in this book oh my goodness. Bess's parts were good, because things actually happened in them, like her working and trying to get her daughter back, and then obviously the escape and all that jazz, but when it's Alexandra's pov you may as well just nap through it honestly that woman was so boring.

Fair Rosaline by Natasha Solomons - Another letdown honestly; I know people are entitled to interpret literature however they want, but 'Romeo is a paedo' is... a bit of a stretch to me. Thing is, I don't think I would have minded if it was done well, but it just... wasn't. I spent most of the book counting the pages until it'd be over.

So yeah, I've been busy, just not busy posting lol. Also work has been a bit manic because it's the summer holidays so I'm running children's arts and crafts groups and those are very mentally draining to me. Hopefully I can post more now though if I put my mind to it!

#books & reading #mini book review #the starless sea #slither's tale #the sisters of reckoning #the lost hero #near the bone #the fever code #the foundling #fair rosaline #I'll do more full book reviews for these eventually I promise

[frogsandfries]

It feels like everything sucks

It feels like my art means nothing even to the one person other than myself that it should mean some small thing. Like, I've got the job. We wouldn't have the apartment if I didn't have the job. If I didn't have the job, we wouldn't have the apartment.

Apartment=Job.

Job=Apartment.

Keeping this apartment, nevermind keeping the job, hinges on me. Getting evicted is not nbd.

But I'm not doing enough because I figured, fuck it, the paperwork is done. Everything else will kinda take care of itself. Eventually, I'll figure out how to organize the kitchen, the laundry will get picked up and put away. We've got like a week to get things out of the storage bin and hand over the keys.

I get that we live in the desert. I get that it's hot. That's no reason to get fucking heat stroke. That's no reason to get a sunburn and worse. We may only have until nine in the evening, but we could arrange to move things much earlier, in the cool hours of the evening.

My partner also likes to walk with traffic, in the road when there's no sidewalk. With his, er, creative logic, his tunnel-visioned ways of perceiving situations and trying to solve problems, I guess I shouldn't be surprised. But I'm absolutely annoyed.

And I'm not sorry that, yes, in my uncertainty at how long we're actually staying, existing in a state of limbo on the job situation, I want to be absolutely, extremely careful. I don't know how much each check is going to be. I don't know how much electric, gas, internet, and rent are going to take up. This whole thing wasn't originally meant to hinge on having two incomes, but I guess I should just go get a second job. I mean, after all, the art is useless. I'm never going to have a career revolving around my art, I'm never going to get a booth anywhere selling merchandise featuring my illustrations. I obviously need to just trade my art time so that I can make money.

Clearly, this is what I've been doing wrong since I quit college. Clearly, if, when I had to drop out, I'd taken up eighty hours of work each week, instead of just forty; clearly if I'd just kept those two jobs to this day, obviously I wouldn't have struggled these last five years. Clearly if I hadn't wasted time on making any kind of art, today, I still wouldn't have an art career, but I'd finally be financially better off than my dad.

That's all that matters.

My happiness doesn't matter. Striving to build some kind of portfolio. Striving to build a body of work that I'm consistently happy with. Art doesn't matter. The only art that matters is the watered down shit that corporations deign to pass down to the masses. If I'm not getting every dollar sunk, every hour sunk, back double in the first quarter, obviously I should just trade it out for a second job. Obviously I'm not doing enough, least of all if I work from the time I get out of bed until I go back to work.

I'm exhausted. Maybe when things even out, things will be better. But I dunno........ I'm kinda sick of all of this....... I've got a week and a half to find out whether or not I actually have the job............ I just want to focus on some more designs before I go back to working fulltime. I wouldn't have chosen fulltime ever again. It's too much for me. Maybe there's just something wrong with me.

Maybe I just have no interest in wasting my life away for someone else when I have so much to contribute. But maybe it should matter that no one wants to hear me. Maybe it should cause me to fail silent and give my whole, entire life over fully to the rat race. After all, only men get to waste their lives in front of video games. Women should waste their lives working four jobs.

Don't mind me, I'm just rambling bitterly.