#and idk man. I'm just happy.

[ceruleanfuckup]

I had a 13 hour shift today and was panicking because I was late to something after my shift, so I ran a lot and fucked up my knee pretty bad but honestly it was very worth it

#posting at 2:40 AM because he's asleep and minimal people will see this #I'm just. happy. #and a large part of me is worried that it's a ton veneer of happiness that will crack when i ask certain questions #but most of me is just happy taking it as it is #he's so much fun and i enjoy spending time with him a lot and he's charismatic and funny and facetious and egotistical and delightful #my roommate has learned that every time she catches me smirking that it's because he did something cute or he was unexpectedly kind #i just. worry. #and I'm trying to not get too hung up on that because i did a lot of my worrying early in whatever this is but it's still underlying #idk man no amount of time with him is ever enough time and he does things to me that I've never felt before #and idk man. I'm just happy. #long ass shifts don't seem anywhere near as long with him on the other end of it #he works at 5:30 AM and he stayed out with me until 1 because i was late and because i needed it and he even suggested the second bar #I really want to attach meaning to his actions but I'm so nervous to overstep #anyways if you ever look in this tag I'm going to be very proud of you. and a little shocked #i mean. maybe not as shocked as i would have been before the Twitter thing 😭 #Roman

[inkskinned]

you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.

you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.

he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.

a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.

he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.

you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.

people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.

wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.

also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.

he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."

you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.

"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."

he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.

you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.

is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?

you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.

#writeblr #this is a mashup of like 3 dates i accidentally went on lol #by that i mean that i was out with a woman on a date in 2 of these situations #and a man just. joined us. and we were too awkward to say anything while he tried to ''date'' me #& one was a longterm friend that i was like. you what???? #like he's nice he's a doctor and my mom was SO happy she was like raquel think about it #''it's a perfect love story you grew up together and reconnected as adults and like the same things and he's friends with ur brother #and his sister is one of ur close friends!!!'' #yes but alas. he is a boy . she only likes girls. can i make it any more obvious #anyway im tryna write about like the force of male attention being actually incredibly ingrained to women like we are SUPPOSED to like it #it's seen as the only important thing #even if ur gay #and it's a nuanced thing idk #and while rn i i.d. as lesbian #like .... it wouldn't be UNTRUE to say i am probably like ''cusp bisexual'' bc i CAN experience attraction to men bc like . #sexuality is fluid... #don't tell straight ppl tho bc they do not understand the concept that ppl don't necessarily need a solid everlasting label #they're like GET in the BOX #if ur gay & in boston i'm 30 and pretty please come kiss me. #(i usually only date older ppl sorry in advance tho)

[tchotchkez]

🏳️‍⚧️ luffy is the ally we all deserve* 🏳️‍🌈

#*idk how accurate this translation is bc I'm watching on a pirate site (lmao) #but I'll take it man #thanks for the questionable queer sponsorship i guess??? #one piece #luffy #monkey d. luffy #impel down #emporio ivankov #don't @ me if this is questionable it made me laugh and there is so little happiness in my life #just let me have this #also LOVE that sanji is canonically the apprentice to the queen of queers #if only we could all be so lucky

[collieii]

i really like how trimax constantly emphasizes that vash's kindness is a choice, a deliberate and powerful one. it contrasts him so well to knives, who's so disdainful towards humanity as a whole. but vash actually interacts with people and is involved in society. and, by extension, he's been hurt by it so many times. but despite this he chooses love everytime and defends humanity.

meanwhile, knives has never participated, always seems to watch people from a distance. still, he makes claims about the cruelty of humanity, and he uses the idea of human cruelty to justify his actions, despite the fact that he's likely never directly been victim to it the same way vash and the other plants have. not to understate the whole tesla situation, but he assumes that he has the authority to decide the fate of humanity, even though out of every plant he's probably not the one who's in the position to make that sort of decision. (and frankly, it's not a decision any single individual should be making)

so this moment is so poignant, though vash might not be directly talking about himself we know it applies to him, we know how much violence he's suffered. it's written on his skin (his shirtlessness in that scene is very pointed). and we know that knives hasn't really experienced that. and knives is ultimately very self absorbed, he assumes he knows what's best for the plants and what they want, so he uses them to achieve his goals without consulting them. unlike vash, who as we see in the finale, has made efforts to communicate with the plants (communication and connection is such a big thing with vash!) he's familiar with them, and they him, and that's one of the reasons they seem more willing to follow vash's path than knives.

the difference between vash and knives is that vash sees everyone as an individual with inherent value. knives is unwilling to do this and he turns groups into monoliths, refuses to see individuals or nuance.

one of the big ideas of trigun is that conflict occurs because people don't see those around them as individuals. so what really saves the day isn't guns or firepower, but understanding between people. vash helps facilitate this understanding between humans and plants because they're all familiar with him, he's put a lot of effort into getting to know everyone! and with everyone he meets he embodies the idea of love and peace, helps them believe that cooperation is possible.

#vash the stampede #millions knives #trigun maximum #happy birthday boys even though it isn't even your birthday in my time zone #i will unleash this post from my drafts in your honor #when vash says this is where the true battle is like get him girl this IS the true battle #it was never about being stronger vash doesn't care abt that...he cares abt people.... and that helps him overcome knives n save everyone.. #or smth. idk it's been a while since i've read the finale bc it gives me heartburn (feelings) #trigun #.lieii #trimax spoilers #sorry if im just saying really obvious things i'm scared to get too into it bc im like. #not sure i fully understand the mechanics of what happens in the finale #it's like vash jumps in -> plants and knives split -> plants lands on earth -> telepathy with humans ->omg you guys know vash too? ->profit #is that right #idk man shit is confusing #trigun meta #.lieii txt

[too-much-heaven-on-his-mind]

BROOOO, WHAT IF ELIAS IS JUST A NORMAL MIDDLE-OLD AGE DUDE MARRIED (FOR LOVE, NOT GREED) TO A LONELY SAILOR WHO IS NOT SO LONELY BECAUSE HE NEVER FELL TO THE TRAP OF THAT FEAR AND THROUGH LOVE ACTUALLY LEARNED TO BE VERY SOCIAL AND THEY ADOPTED A DAUGHTER AND THAT IS MOTHERFUCKING GWEN BOUCHARD-LUKAS (THE LUKAS IS SILENT)

#Tmagp #The magnus protocol #elias bouchard #peter lukas #gwen bouchard #The magnus archives #Lonely eyes #Idk man I'm just saying shit rn #I just want the horrible people from the other universe to be okay and happy here #And not even once divorced bc they're just crazy about each other!!

[fiepige]

What about Hobie bouncing off and pulling up the bus and Peter smashing the car into Tombstone? Not much of a relation besides vehicular involvement, but their movements are just so cool in those little scenes

Vehicular involvement is all I need as an excuse to make a noirpunk GIFset lol

And agreed, their movements look so cool in these scenes! (I slowed both GIFs down a bit to get a better look at them)

Please feed me more noirpunk GIF ideas I love making these 💜

#I wanted to make the noir gif longer to get more of the fight since it's just so pleasing to look at #but the converter I use didn't let me make them longer than this #which is odd cause it hasn't been an issue before #so if anyone knows a good gif converter that lets you make longer gifs please let me know <3 #idk if you're the same anon as before but still- thank you for sending these ideas in! <3<3<3 #no idea is too small #no reach is too big lol #the world needs more noirpunk gifs and I'm happy to provide! #hobie brown #spider punk #peter benjamin parker #spider man noir #noirpunk #punknoir #across the spider verse #atsv #into the spider verse #itsv #pavitr prabhakar #spider man india #gwen stacy #spider gwen #spiderverse #ask #my post #my GIF #my GIFs

[saraminia]

I just think that he + a piano (reprise)

#idk this was in my drafts #i just love him #and his hands #and the way he masters his instrument #the way playing the piano seems to come so naturally and instinctually to him #it looks easy like breathing to him #it's such a natural way for him to express himself #my man is a musician™ with the soul of a musician #and talent and skill to match #i truly believe at the piano is his happy place #i just... i'm feeling very sappy about him today #i have so much i want to say #but i'll just say that he's beautiful and charming and so generous with his kindness #at least that's my experience #now enough of waxing poetic about him #'less sap more sex' it says it right there in my blog description #so i'll end this by saying #i still want to hit that more than anything #noah reid #riikka posts

[zaphodbeeblebroxssecondhead]

queerplatonic johnlock is so important to me i don't think you understand

#like #it's what they have don't deny it #sure i like when they're romantic/sexual a lot #but i have issues and i just need them to be happy and let holmes be aroace #idk man i'm tired #sorry this doesn't make sense #but do you get it? #i want you to get it #i need to have more connection to sherlock holmes than i already do as well y'know #because i don't understand romantic/sexual relationships at all and i want him to be like that as well #idk i should just write fanfic instead of ranting in the tags #they're my boys okay #will protect them until the end of time #sherlock holmes #john watson #johnlock #acd holmes #queerplatonic

[pseudophan]

i just lost two followers and it's making me laugh because judging by my most recent posts i assume they were diehard royalists? or at least people holding the british royal family in an unusually high regard? cry about it i guess idk, i do find it funny that you give a fuck though

on this note though of my followers holding different beliefs than me - if you're a terf? please kill yourself! i don't usually give a fuck because i just don't have it in me to start a war with everyone i disagree with but like. truly. if you hold any kind of prejudice against trans people whatsoever. fuck off from my blog lol i don't want you here

#ive got the shinigami eyes extension right #and sometimes i see people in my notes flagging up red #but i hate blocking people is the thing like i just don't do that #if someone who flags red reblogs me more than twice i'll block them though #but mostly i'm like. i don't want to block people. so i don't #but it's still like ohhhh my god. how are you reblogging my posts about dan and phil as a full on transphobe!!!!! #and dont be worried cause i vet all of these blogs #bc i know shinigami eyes isnt fool proof #sometimes someone gets marked red and they aren't actually a terf they just said one thing at one time that got misconstrued #like the bot isnt all that moderated #so any time i see a red url i will investigate to make sure they are in fact a terf #but man. MANNNNNN #my main point is like #do yall know dnp would fucking hate you lmfao #even if you somehow ignore the part where dan doesnt give a fuck about gender and none of it is real #and hes happy with all pronouns #like u can refer to her by he she they #doesnt matter #even if you ignore that #and all of the rest of it #how do you hear the things dnp say. frequently. all the time. and go. yeah i think me. a transphobe. should keep watching them #MAN IDK #youre all fucking weird

[elv-arts]

Redraw time! Nearly a decade between these.

The first one is the first art I posted on the internet, as soon as my parents let me make a deviantart account. I was thirteen and used to draw this kind of thing a lot.

The second I drew last night at 2am because I wanted to make 13yr old me happy and also i got possessed by the sleepy art demon.

[ID: Image 1 - a coloured pencil drawing of an "anime style" girl taking a selfie with takanuva from bionicle. The girl has pale freckled skin, long brown hair in a low ponytail, and a slim green vest top. One arm holds up the camera, and the girl and takanuva each have one arm around the other's back. They're smiling with their eyes closed and the background is a sunny view of the sea and a beach with a sand castle. There's some sun glare in the corner of the picture, wispy clouds, and the sea has sparkles on it.

Image 2 - a digital drawing of a person taking a selfie with takanuva. The person has pale freckled skin, an underbite, long brown hair with growing out buzzed sides tied in a ponytail, and a black tshirt with the sleeves cut off. They have chipped black nails, an ear cuff and a couple bracelets including a rainbow one. They are grinning and are making a peace sign. Takanuva's eyes are making a happy expression and he is also making a peace sign (or perhaps failed bunny ears) behind the person. The background is a blue sky with wispy clouds and a beach. End ID]

My art has changed a lot, and I've grown so much, but some things have certainly stayed the same lol

#bionicle #redraw #takanuva #kid me put so much effort into figuring out drawing bionicle #I think they'd be so happy to see how I draw them now #not to get too deep on silly bonkle selfie drawing #but kid me couldn't picture how i could ever be me and an adult #I didn't know i was allowed to be like any of the things i am now #i couldn't imagine being a woman and i'm not #i couldn't imagine growing out of the things i adored and i haven't #i couldn't imagine myself being happy as an adult and even though a lot of things do suck I am #idk man looking at them side by side experiencing feelings i wanna give that kid a hug #life is fleeting and ever changing but bonkles are forever lol #anyway yeah this isn't a masterpiece or anything i just figured it'd be nice to put it here #please excuse text mistakes i am very tired as usual

[meitanteisachi]

watching ATLA live action and i am reliving my zuko loving, zutara shipping era

#hello HAHAH #actually more of zuko loving #i'm reminded of how much i love zuko's entire story idk man #it's giving todoroki (not updated with bn/ha sadly) #a child who saw the cruelty of the world at such young age #his journey to regain his honor sure but also for his father's attention #he didnt know better he just wanted to be happy with his family ugh huhu #but its hard when spite runs deep in the blood of ppl closest to u #inadvertently you adopt it too #nevertheless he had uncle iroh #his relationship with uncle iroh is damn precious ;w; #uncle iroh one of the best characters in atla tbh #antagonist displaying empathy and morality = chef's kiss <3 #anw the zutara thing is just minor BUT #i saw this twitter post showing zutara and p&p parallels #HAHAHA I LOVE #enemies-to-lovers trope superior in this house amirite #gisa rants #gisa's fandom life

[penofwildfire]

I stand by my claim that the best and funniest way for Christmas to exist in Ninjago is by being introduced by another realm. I'm serious. Christians love sharing their holiday (or forcing it on others just a bit) so if there was a realm with something resembling Christianity they'd popularize that shit within the first year of the Merge.

#listen man. it's the first year of the merge. everything's in total chaos. governments are freaking out. #so what do the christian/christian-adjacent people do? they brighten everything up with some christmas cheer! #and even though the religion itself doesn't gain much traction everyone's just happy to celebrate and have a good time #cuz things have been scary and dark for a while #idk man it's just fun #cuz I'm a firm believer that Christmas did NOT exist in Ninjago previously #despite what Kai on drugs and that one cop said #but I can have my cake and eat it too #ninjago #christmas #ninjago dr #dragons rising

[trashmammal-7]

Passing tips for trans guys will be like:

No sitting with your legs crossed

No dying your hair/ having any fun hairstyles

Dress in the most boring outfits you can think of

No makeup EXCEPT if you're using it to look more masculine

No jewelery

No having fun

No self expression whatsoever

Like shut the fuck up I'm gonna dye my hair, do my makeup and put on jewelry while wearing the silliest little outfit AND be a trans guy at the same time.

#trans #transgender #ftm #like I know this stuff actually helps people and that's great and I'm happy for those people #but that doesn't mean that everyone wants to see this all the time #maybe this is just me being cynical about seeing “passing tips” all the time idk #I care more about having fun and having the people around me respect me than having every person I encounter see me as a cis man

[annaofaza]

I love how in this manga that asks "what makes someone human or a monster?," Vash is able to call back the human into a monster.

#Emilio jumps in after his dead love and FORCES vash to not save him and then is taken out by wolfwood #I'm betting he was ready to die and join his love in the grave before wolfwood hit him #vash recalled the humanity and idk if emilio would have reformed or whatever but that's... something to chew oj #trigun maximum spoilers #my post #trigunbookclub #also my heart aches thinking of vash telling others to seize the day reach for your happiness #and then just ignoring himself #you all know my vashwood bias so vash encouraging someone to go confess his love! do it soon! and... yeah #because if someone said that to him he'd just laugh it off and like VASH YOU NEED AND WANT LOVE GO GET IT LIFE IS SHORT #ALSO: Knives must have been THRILLED to send this man who has a connection with vash and this place to destroy his past home #poetic and all that crap

[aroacewolfic]

Have you ever enjoyed a book or book series so much that it takes a good week for you to be able to read a new book without hating it.

#like honestly #six of crows is sitting there waiting for me to read it but I'm still stuck in queen of air and darkness #help #tda was too good #shadowhunters overall is just amazing #the dark artifices has given me life #tda #the dark artifices #why didnt kit and ty get their happy ending #twp #the wicked powers #kit and ty better be happy again in twp #six of crows is staring at me rn #six of crows #AHHHHHHHHH #idk man

[hotcheetohatredwastaken]

what do you think the links favorite memes are?

I gotta be honest, I've left this sitting in my ask box for like a few days now because I have /no/ idea. I vaguely think that Wild is the "we back at it at Krispy Kreme" vine, but that's just because of those old videos of "Linked Universe as Vines" on YouTube. I mean I could regurgitate those if you wanted. "Hey, how you doing well I'm doing just fine I lied I'm dying inside" Time and stuff.

#linked universe #lu #linkeduniverse #cheetoanswers #somer i'm sorry man #i just don't know #does one usually have a favorite meme? #I can't say that I personally do #Maybe I should link (heh) the video to this answer #it is quite funny #or at least it was when I first found the fandom #which given that i was like 15 I sure hope that my humor has evolved since then #oh well #probably not giving my writing is stil #absolute edgelord garbage #but hey ya'll like that stuff ig #idk what I'm rambling about down here #HAPPY NEW YEARS SOMER