#and that I'm not just making it up out of nowhere. Otherwise I fear I'd only come off as pettily hostile to b/sd in everything | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

clumsiestgiantess · 5 months

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I'm not sure how this works, but for the 100 prompts thing, I'd love to see what you make of #86

Got to the prompt from this list! Now I’m free for another one. If anyone wants to send a prompt, it’ll be next in line!

["If you do that, you'll be small forever!"]

It’s entirely possible that aliens exist — that somewhere out there, far far away from our own planet is another one we might not know or understand, with life we never thought possible. But not here, not now, not right outside our shit rental house in the middle of nowhere. I’d got up to get a drink in the dead of a cloudy night. Not wanting to wake up my bunkmate, I kept the lights off as I made my way to the kitchen. I could barely make out walls in front of me, and ended up colliding with a chair. “Sonofa-” Suddenly, I could see. For one blinding moment, everything was lit up as though it were day, then faded back to darkness in a strange softening afterglow.

A lightning strike. I listened intently, counting how many seconds would pass between the flash and the roar of thunder soon to follow. One one-thousand, two one-thousand… Twenty.. one.. thousand? I stopped at twenty, glancing confusedly around. “Where’s the thunder?” I whispered, stepping over to the window. Nothing but darkness greeted me. The single porch light illuminated one small part of the front yard, but that was all.

Except.. I could have sworn there wasn’t a cactus there before… they were all in the backyard. I squinted at it, adrenaline tensing in my muscles. The shape of it looked wrong somehow. As I stared, it suddenly felt like I was the one being watched. In one fluid movement, the whole silhouette pivoted towards me.

Shrieking, I stumbled backwards away from the window, scrambling over the floor as its shadow descended over the glass, covered by blinds. A semi-humanoid head cocked to the side. Two limbs pressed up against the glass, peering over the bottom of the window. I clasped a hand over my mouth to keep from crying out in fear. “Hey, what the hell are you screaming for out here? It’s the middle of the night! Did another scorpion-” Then he finally noticed me nearly pissing myself on the floor. He’s known me long enough to know that I don’t get this scared that easily. “Gavin! There’s.. There’s something outside, dude! I- I don’t-”

It was gone. The thing in the window was gone. I got up off the floor in an instant. “What was it? One of those wild boars or something?” he asked. “No, man! It- It looked like a fucked up person!” Gavin’s eyebrows scrunched together in disbelief. “I think you need to go back to sleep.” I was about to protest, but the doorbell rang. The cheery chime sent chills down my arms and back. “Don’t.. answer it.” Gavin crept up to the door. “What the hell did I just say?!” I whisper-yelled at him. “I’m just looking through the peephole, calm down,” he replied, waving a hand distractedly in my direction.

Slowly, he put his face up to the door, then laughed uneasily. “There’s no one there.” Another ring from the doorbell said otherwise. Both of us stared at eachother as it rang again. “Alright, that’s it.” He threw open the door. “What the hell is-” A blast of cooled light hit him square in the chest, instantly zapping him out of existence — nothing left behind but empty space.

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT!” I tore down the hall and towards the back door. Blasts of color spiraled and sparked as they hit the walls around me. Just as I reached for the door handle, another shadow moved outside. Ok, well fuck that. Dodging away from my escape, I threw myself into a closet and yanked the door shut, holding it closed with shaking hands.

Desperately, I tried to quiet my heavy breaths which echoed around the small space. I again pressed a hand to my mouth at the sound of footsteps on the hardwood floor right outside. Breaking the deafening silence, the sound of clicking bounced off the walls. Creak click-click-click. Creak click-click. Closer, closer, then slowly fading away. I was content to stay in there the rest of my life, however short it might be, but my plans were interrupted by Gavin’s voice, faint through the door. “What the hell did you do to me?! Let me out of here!” It was so.. frightened. I’d never heard him speak like that. However, at the very least, he was somehow alive.

I slid the closet door open hesitantly and peered into the hall. Nothing weird in sight. Sticking to the baseboards so I wouldn’t set off the creaking floor, I made my way towards the sound of his voice. It was terrifying and agonizingly slow work, but I made it around the corner to the edge of the kitchen and the doorway where I last saw him. Just barely sliding my head around the corner, I caught a glimpse at what the freaky intruders looked like. One of them stood upright like what I’d seen. It had rough greyish skin and long lanky legs with two calves and feet that were separated at the knee. It had a small thin tail and two sets of forearms — one that looked like normal arms, and a thinner set that was tucked closely around its body. Then there was its face, which was the most horrific thing about it. Large eyes with disk-like pupils googled on its head with little bony pieces sticking out of its jaw. Two small arms stretched from the sides of its mouth, hanging down by its chin.

I was so horrifyingly mesmerized by the creature’s appearance, not to mention the second one, which was creeping over the ground on all fours, that I didn’t even think to look for Gavin until I heard him yell again. “Please!” His voice was desperate, “Can you at least change me back?” That’s when I saw him. A cage about the size of a small moving box sat on the living room table between the two aliens. Inside of it stood Gavin, gripping the bars of his incredibly small prison. He couldn’t have been more than a foot tall. “Gavin?”

Both aliens’ heads snapped around to face me. “Shit!” I ran back down the hall again. The door was open wide this time and I ran through it at top speed, scrambling into a few scrubby bushes at the last second. The door banged against the house as it was thrown open, one of the aliens stepping out, clicking quickly as it scanned the ground.

Thankfully, a shred of luck was still on my side. A startled snake twined across the yard, likely kicked up by my running. The alien hissed at it, though it was louder than a hiss, more like an incredibly soft shriek. A moment later, it stepped back inside. I let out a relieved breath of air. I was so tempted to run; I knew what direction the closest town was, it would take me a bit to get there, but I- HOLY HELL. A spaceship or.. something hovered in the sky, nearly as long as three houses. Another reason to get out of there. However, I just couldn’t leave Gavin.

There was still one more option. In the house on the second floor was a room filled with taxidermied animals. Gavin and I had put funny things on them and left it at that, but I distinctly remember a few hunting rifles hanging on the wall. Edging around the snake still coiled in the yard, I crept to the side of the house where a lattice frame of dead plants sat leaning against the wall. With careful caution to make as little sound as possible, I edged up the frame to a window right above it. If I remember correctly, the room I wanted would be right there.

My heart pounded in my ears as I opened the window inch by inch, then hoisted myself up and inside. I gasped and nearly yelled when I brushed a hand over fur. Thankfully it was only a stuffed animal, well, part of one anyways. The aliens must’ve searched up here. Every creature in the place was torn apart. I’m not sure if they just hate Earth creatures in general, or if they were confused by the lifelike taxidermy and tried to attack it. Either way, the room was a mess. I made my way across it on tiptoe. A few feet from the guns, which were in fact on the wall above a ‘do not touch’ sign, a bloodcurdling scream filled the air.

Gavin?! What are they doing to him?! “Help! Please! No! No, stop! STOP!” I fumbled with the gun, quickly checking if it was loaded. It wasn’t. The yelling stopped, and I could hear something pounding up the stairs. “No, no, no, no, no, no, shit! Fuck! Where’s the ammo!?” Another strange hiss-shriek sounded to my right, and I whirled around, finding an alien in the doorway. It smiled at me — or maybe it was just baring its teeth — but either way, it looked horrifying. The thing stalked into the room, hunching down to four legs. I stood where I was, mortified. It stalked closer.. closer.. then lunged. Lifting the rifle, I clocked it over the head as it came down. I screamed and thrashed as its body crashed into me, sure I was being attacked. However, the thing lay limply on the floor.

I took a brief moment to process things, then scrambled out from beneath the unconscious creature. I tore through nearby shelves to find a box of bullets. Relief flooded through me when I at last found it, tucked away in the back of one of the drawers. I’d just tore into the packaging when another yell from downstairs made me flinch. “Owen! It’s coming upstairs!” I worked faster, clicking two shells into the barrels just as the second alien walked through. It froze, taking a double-take at the limp creature beside me. A wild shriek nearly deafened me as it recognized what I’d done. I could see all the gleaming serrated teeth in its awful armed mouth.

It reached for a weapon, but I fired first. It stumbled backwards, clutching its chest where I shot it, and fell to the ground. I reloaded and fired at both creatures a few more times, just to be sure. Purpleish-red blood pooled onto the floorboards. Finally, I sank to my knees, practically hysterical. “I just shot two fucking aliens,” I whispered in shock. My vision darkened, like the brightness had been turned down on the moon, then cleared a moment later as yelling from downstairs startled me. “Owen? O- Owen is that you?” I raced down the flight of stairs nearly three at a time, shotgun in hand, though it had no bullets left. Skidding on the wooden floor, I nearly fell on my face at the speed I was going, but I righted myself at the last second. Spotting the cage, I slowed my advance and stepped cautiously closer, lowering my weapon to the floor.

“Holy shit…” I whispered, kneeling down in front of the little cage. Gavin took a few steps backwards, unsure. “Is that really you?” He nodded uneasily, “Y- Yeah, I thought they shot me, but the weird gun thing did this to me instead.” In awe, I opened the little door in front and reached inside. He really was only the size of a ruler — a bit smaller, even. “Dude? Wh- What are you doing?” Gavin had backed all the way to the end of the cage, shying away from my outstretched hand. I didn’t even know what I was doing. Shaking off my stupor, I retreated back out of the metal trap. “Sorry. Umm.. step out of there for a second.” He hesitated, craning his neck to look up at me.

“You ok?” I asked him cautiously, “It’s just me. I’m not gonna hurt you.” With a shaking breath, he stepped up to the opening, glancing around before sliding past the cage onto the coffee table. “I’m.. I’m sorry, I-'' Gavin stuttered, unsure. “It’s just so weird seeing everything like this. They picked me up — stuffed me in here — so easily.”

“But I wouldn’t do that!” I cried, slightly hurt. “I know,” he sighed, “Sorry, man. I’m not saying that. You wouldn’t take advantage of this kind of thing.” Gavin stepped over to the table’s edge, peering up the staircase. “What happened to the aliens?” I glanced over, remembering the second alien had come close to shooting me. “Oh! Hang on! I’ll be right back!” As I raced upstairs, I couldn’t help but notice Gavin flinch at the pounding noise of my comparatively large footsteps on the stairs. Slinking through the doorway, I searched the second corpse cautiously, but came away with the strange gun.

I was much slower on my return, not only because I was worried the gun might accidentally go off, but also because I didn’t want to alarm Gavin, whose eyes widened fearfully at the sight of the weapon in my hands. “Do you think we can use this thing to get you back?” He calmed slightly, “If you can figure out how it works, sure. Just.. maybe test it on something else first.” I nodded, searching it over. The thing only had one button or switch that I could find, though — the trigger. I fired it once just to test it. Nope. Still makes things small. In the middle of fidgeting with it, that blinding flash lit up the sky. Raw fear seized my chest. I was two steps towards the closet where I hid, when I remembered Gavin. Turning to the living room, I found him trying to climb down from the top of the table.

Rushing over, I swiftly scooped him up, tucked him under my arm, and ran off, locking myself into the closet. We went extremely still as clicking started up inside the house again. Footsteps creaked — more than the first two sets. A strange call revertibrated through the walls. The thundering ruckus of several aliens climbing the stairs reached us, and I realized they must’ve found the bodies. Gavin struggled just slightly under my arm and I readjusted it, giving him a bit more room.

From then on, chatter filled the house. I sat there for hours, even long after the noises stopped. Finally, when the light of the early morning sun slid beneath the bottom of the closet door, I opened it and stepped out. The entire time, I hadn’t realized I had Gavin in my arms until he yawned and stretched, hand knocking against my side.

“Oh shit!” he yelped, yanking it back. I felt as if I’d been caught in some awful act, nearly dropping him to the floor like my cat. “Oh, I’m still here. Didn’t mean to scare you, man. I forgot where I was for a second.” Gavin reached up and hauled himself upright by the fabric of my shirt. He clung to my arm as he looked around the place, glowing in golden sunlight. “Did we survive?” “I… think so,” I replied, stepping over to the back door and chancing a look at the sky. The ship I’d seen was gone. Reaching out with my free hand, I closed and locked the door, then headed to the front.

It felt so strange, carrying Gavin in a single arm as I traversed the house. If it were like.. a really little kid under my arm, I wouldn’t think twice, but Gavin is usually a head taller than me. No wonder he’d been so freaked out by his new height. Making sure all the doors were locked tightly, I set Gavin down on the bar counter, then rushed back to the closet at the sudden realization that while the aliens had left, we still had a piece of their technology.

I placed the strange blaster down on the counter beside Gavin. He knelt down, studying the device in silence. “There's… I- I think I’m stuck like this,” he said quietly. Again I tried to see if I could switch the gun to reverse the effects, but the only thing it did was shrink things. I watched realization and dread dawn on Gavin’s face, and my own stomach churned. No matter how he wanted to move on, no matter how much I would try to help him, he would still be alone in whatever happened next. Unless he wouldn’t be…

Stepping up to the counter, I slowly slid the gun into my hands. I stared at it, deep in thought. “If.. you really are stuck like that.. I’d rather be stuck with you than watch you suffer.” My voice was met with a split second of stunned silence. “What?! I- I mean, thanks, but you really shouldn’t! If you do that, you’ll be stuck small forever! Then what are we supposed to do? Stay in here until the owner comes home and finds us?” Oh. That’s true. “So.. what do I do?” I asked him, unsure. He shrugged, “I don’t know; I’m your problem, now.” “Huh?” “What? You were gonna leave me with someone else? If this had happened to me with anyone, I’d rather it be you who finds out.” I felt a grin spread across my face. “Really?” Gavin nodded happily.

“Well.. I guess we should probably clean the place up, first. The upstairs is a mess.” A tiny gasp reached my ears. “Right! I heard a gun — a real gun, not the shrinking one — go off! Did you shoot them? Is that why they stopped hunting you?” I nodded, remembering how my heart nearly beat right out of my chest. “Yeah, I did. I had to do something to help you.” “I’m just glad it’s over. Well, the alien part, anyways.” I glanced at the door. “Do you think they’ll come back for revenge?” Gavin thought for a moment, then shook his head, stepping closer to the edge of the counter. “Not during the day. If you want to leave, I’m all for it. Let’s clean this place up and get out of here. The owner can deal with whatever happens next.”

We fumbled around for a few minutes, trying to figure out how to get him down before giving up. “Just carry me,” he sighed, “I know you were kinda worried about it before, but as long as you don’t.. like, drop me or anything, I’m fine.” I was tempted to jokingly say ‘yes you are’ — something I would usually do without thinking — but decided against it for some reason. Instead, I offered up my outstretched arms. Gavin settled in and we headed upstairs. I wasn’t quite sure what the plan was after we left, or if there even is one. Regardless, I’m just happy we made it out alive. Honestly, I feel like things aren’t really all that bad.

#prompts!#time to try new scenarios and new characters #g/t #giant tiny #(I posted alien refs earlier just for this)

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notmorbid · 1 year

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lila, pt. 2.

dialogue prompts from lila by marilynne robinson.

you still don't trust me at all.

maybe you should just tell me those things, whatever they are.

i was thinking about you all the time.

i was thinking about you, and wondering about myself.

do you still pretend to talk to me, now that i'm here?

i'm very trustworthy, so there's no need to cry.

the way we used to laugh was better than anything.

everything you tell me surprises me. it's always interesting.

you never could let anything be.

i guess it's been a while since i had dreams worth talking about.

no point making it worse than it has to be.

you shouldn't have waited up for me.

i can't go on protecting you from other people.

did i do something i shouldn't?

i'll tell you about my day if you'll tell me about yours.

i have a lot of memories, these days, and i have some pretty bad dreams.

no matter what happens, i am on your side.

there are people you seem to know the first time you see them.

i thought i'd learned not to set my heart on anything.

i did know you. i do know you.

you don't mind all the scars and scratches?

folks are their bodies, and bodies can't be trusted at all.

there's no point being scared of pain.

nobody knows what to say about sorrow like that.

it's amazing that anybody in the world can hurt your feelings, if they want to.

i've got feelings i don't know the names for, but i wouldn't wish them on a snake.

i don't want you looking at me that way.

i can talk better than this. guess i just don't want to.

you never told me what you're scared of. there must be something.

i think through things. it calms me. otherwise, i don't react as well as i might.

some things you want so much, you can't believe you have them.

sometimes i just laugh because i'm surprised.

i'll come to find you, like i always do.

how can i tell you about things i don't understand myself?

it's worse every day because it's the same, every day.

you have been a miracle.

don't hope. just wait.

how is praying different from worrying?

stealing is stealing, especially if you get caught at it.

just crawl under the covers with me until i get warm.

i won't cry if you won't.

i tried praying a couple times, and nothing came of it.

the best things that happen, i'd have never thought to pray for.

fear and comfort can be the same thing.

i think you've been playing possum.

we'll be nowhere, and it will be all right. i have friends there.

when you're scalded, touch hurts. makes no difference if it's kind or not.

you have to stay out of trouble, for the sake of your child.

that's what my heart is like sometimes, secretive and bitter and scared.

i can't love you as much as i love you. i can't feel as happy as i am.

i know you'll do the best you can, the best that can be done.

stepping back into the loneliness is a dreadful thing, like walking into cold water.

what you think, you might not have to feel.

i feel like moses on the mountain, looking out at the life he will never have.

did i ever say that? that i love you? i always thought it sounded a little foolish.

i used to read to myself out loud, just to hear a voice.

there is goodness at the center of things.

it's not fair to punish people for trying to get by.

sometimes we think terrible thoughts to blunt our own fear.

#sentence starters #rp memes #rp prompts #ask memes #inbox memes #historical meme

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casspurrjoybell-17 · 10 days

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Hart and Hunter - Chapter 4- Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

Dane Hunter

Latte in hand, Julian wanders off to browse, leaving me to deal with Ms. Wong.

I guess he figures the 'cop talk' is my shtick but sometimes I wish he'd stick around for it.

Women relate to him better.

He says most of them would rather talk to 'tall, dark and handsome' than 'pale and wispy' any day but experience says otherwise.

My height doesn't help and my neutral expression gets read as a scowl.

I try not to loom and do my best to appear 'non-threatening' as Stephanie frowns up at me.

"I'm afraid we didn't find much," I begin.

"This thief's no amateur. He knows how to leave a clean scene. Best get the police in here and let them do their thing."

Her expression pinches with disappointment and displeasure.

"So, you're telling me this has been a complete waste of time and now your prints are over everything, so the real cops won't find anything, either? Great. Jeffrey was right, we should have saved our money and invested in better security, instead of hiring the Hardy Boys."

"Who's Jeffrey?" I ask, ignoring the minor outburst.

No one's at their best after being victimized.

She winces and sighs, rubbing her brow.

"I'm sorry. I know you've done your best. Jeffrey owns the bike shop at the end of the block."

I nod and make a note of this.

Most of the shop owners had joined forces to hire us but there'd been a few holdouts.

If memory served, Jeffrey was the most vocal of these.

"If it's any consolation, the police won't dust for prints, anyway," I say, pocketing my notebook.

"They'll assume the thief wore gloves. They'll probably just take your statement and write up a report."

"How do you know that?" she asks, a hint of suspicion edging her tone, as if it's just occurred to her that I know an awful lot about burglaries.

I check my cell-phone, signaling that I'm done with her.

"Because I carried a badge once and cops don't waste resources or time. Just tell them what you told us and don't mention we were here first. If they ask..."

A soft thud interrupts me and I turn.

Julian is nowhere in sight.

"Jules?" I call, moving towards the spot I'd seen him last.

I round the corner of the aisle and see him sprawled on the floor.

"Shit. Julian?"

In two strides, I fall at his side and turn him over to look at his face.

His eyes are closed, features relaxed and his skin is paler than usual, stark white with a blue undertone.

He isn't breathing.

"Julian," I shout and shake him and then... just as fear is about to scatter my senses... my training kicks in.

The problem is, I don't know how much of my training applies.

I know what to do if someone faints, I'm less sure what to do if that someone is Fae.

Then again, Julian lived 29 years thinking he was human, his physiology can't be that different.

Quickly, I straighten his arms and legs and check that none of his clothing is too tight.

All the while, my mind races at full tilt.

I've seen him react badly to readings, but he's never passed out before.

Stephanie Wong hovers at my back.

"What happened?" she asks, panic edging her voice.

"Is he okay? Should I call 911?"

If Julian were human, it would be the right thing to do but he's not and some instinct tells me an ambulance isn't what he needs.

"Not yet," I tell her.

"Give him a minute."

"A minute for what?" she asks shrilly.

"Is he even breathing? I really think I should..."

Just wait," I say, and put a hint of Alpha in my tone.

She listens and hangs back while I work over Julian, rubbing his chest and arms and calling his name, all while praying I'm not making a terrible mistake.

Ten torturous seconds later, he stirs and draws a shallow breath and I nearly sob with relief as he comes around.

His eyelids flicker and open and he blinks up at me.

"Dane? What...?"

Wincing, he presses his hands to his eyes.

"Oh, fuck. My head."

"Take it easy, sweetheart," I say, gently prying one hand away from his face so I can take his pulse.

"What happened?"

"I dunno," he mumbles, keeping his eyes shut.

"I was just looking around. Then..."

Abruptly more alert, he struggles to rise and I help him to sit up.

"Slow and easy, Julian Take your time."

Still wincing with pain, he points at the wall.

"There's a mark... a rune of some kind. I touched it and... Shit."

He hunches over and rubs his temples.

"Feels like someone Tased me between the fucking eyes."

"Is it electrified?" Stephanie asks, studying the wall.

"I don't see any wires."

"I think he's confused," I say.

"Can you get him some water?"

She nods and scurries away.

Once she's out of earshot, I lean closer to Julian.

"Impressions?"

He shakes his head, keeping his eyes closed.

"No. Just a bright light and a bolt of pain."

I squeeze the back of his neck.

"Sometimes you take a while to process things, right? Maybe it'll make sense later. For now, put these on."

I take my dark glasses from my back pocket and slip them on his face, knowing he'll be sensitive to light.

"I'll get some pictures of the mark, then we'll split. Sound good?" I ask and Julian nods.

Stephanie returns with a bottle of water and hands it to him.

I get to my feet and inspect the wall, taking a series of pictures with my phone.

"Is this new?" I ask, studying the strange symbol.

It looks like a tall H with a double middle bar, drawn at a slant and two smaller lines coming off the side, all enclosed in a circle the size of a large coin.

Stephanie joins me, leaning close to peer at the mark.

"It wasn't here yesterday. I'm pretty sure I'd have noticed it."

"How sure is 'pretty sure?' " I ask.

"If you're certain, that means the thief may have left it."

She frowns.

"It definitely wasn't here on Monday. That's when I put out this table and lamp."

I pull my notebook out and record this information.

Stephanie seems observant enough I'm willing to take her at her word.

"Do you recognize it?" I nod at the mark.

"It's not Chinese, if that's what you're getting at. Not that I could read it if it was. You think it's connected to the burglary?"

I lift a shoulder.

"Could be. Point it out to the police, anyway. We'll be in touch if we learn anything more."

Returning to Julian, I help him to his feet.

"Come on, baby. Let's get you out of here."

He groans and leans against me and I kiss the side of his head.

We keep it strictly professional around clients but at the moment, I don't care what Stephanie sees.

I needn't have worried.

In fact, as it dawns on her that Julian is much more than my work partner, her demeanor warms considerably.

She holds the door for us and recommends I take Julian straight to 'Urgent Care' just to be safe.

It's not a bad idea but as I get him settled in my car, he brushes off my ministrations.

"Dane, stop fussing," he grumbles.

"I'm fine."

With his head leaned back and his eyes shut, I study him.

His delicate appearance and unusual beauty make people assume he's weak just because he doesn't fit the usual mold of masculinity.

I know better but I fall into that trap, too, sometimes.

I look at him and see something precious... something I need to guard and protect... instead of someone as fierce as any Wolf, in his own way.

At the moment, however, I feel my concern is justified.

"You're strong, Julian," I say, reaching over to press my hand to his brow.

"But you're also my mate and I love you. Let me fuss."

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jacobkrin · 1 year

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i just want to have consistent good self-esteem but noooo

my brain keeps deciding otherwise, even now

i have no clue why it happens, but it does, and i wish it'd happen less

i get that being happy all of the time's an impossibility, but man i wish it'd happen to me more, like i was around 10 years ago, i remember being happier then but that all changed in year 9 or 10, i kept having panic attacks outta nowhere then

or at least fear, maybe they were panic attacks? those have stopped now either way

i have no idea if i have depression or not but sometimes i sure as hell feel like i do

i was playing a game of mafia recently and got disguised as which happens every so often, and someone could tell i was disguised because i have low self-esteem, and i've gotta agree

sure, i can TRY to like myself more, but there's no way it'd be at a point where i'm narcissistic as these feelings would just come back to knock me down

i did end up confessing to someone that i had feelings for them a few days ago though, so i guess i got a bit of confidence? well, at least enough to confess to someone. sure, the feelings weren't mutual and i don't blame anyone for that, and i didn't feel hurt for too long bc i appreciate our friendship

but a few days after that it made me think about myself being single for my entire life and all

ngl, at times it feels like it's gonna continue to be that way, and i'd say that it's one of my biggest fears, being alone for the rest of my life

sure, i doubt that it'll stay that way forever, but a huge part of me disagrees and thinks that i'll never be in a relationship for the rest of my life

sure, i KNOW that i should just focus on myself and go about with my life until someone comes along, but the despair i'm feeling about that doesn't help much, especially as it doesn't motivate me to do some stuff in my day-to-day life, and i really wanna do more stuff again

i've had people say stuff like i'm a catch and that i'm a great person and that some people are surprised i'm not dating anyone yet, and while they were probably being serious about it part of me feels like they were all saying it just to be polite. idk. i mean, i'd hope it's true but i can't tell

i want self-esteem but it doesn't come out of nowhere. talking to people does make me feel happier and distracts me from these feelings at least, so that's better than nothing

but i definitely can't talk to people or have people talk to me all the time, there'll be times like now where i'm not talking to anyone because of the time

i guess it'll always be a part of me that i just have to accept, and i've tried to but a huge part of me doesn't want these feelings bc of how painful they are

writing this does make me feel somewhat better at least. maybe sleeping'll make me feel better as well? i hope it does, otherwise there'll be problems when i wake up

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mattsvn · 3 years

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CHANCE BALL LOVE!

Pairing: Ushijima Wakatoshi x gn!reader

Genre: Meet ugly! strangers to lovers! Getting hit in the head with a volleyball!

Warnings: Blood, head injury, concussion, did I mention getting hit in the head with a volleyball? Food hehe, that's all.

WC: 2.4K

Summary: After being hit with a volleyball by the ace and U19 athlete, Ushijima Wakatoshi, you find yourself laying in the nurse's office, with a bag of ice on your head and a boy apologizing every two minutes for that terrible accident. As the times goes by, you realize that not only you were hit by a ball, but by destiny, and more important, love.

A/N: I'm so excited for this piece! This is a collab for HQHQ (now Anilysium!) The masterlist is here! I hope you like this piece! Reblogs are appreciated!

Life is made up of 90% causality and 10% coincidence.

That was what your mother used to say, with her hands covered with flour up to her elbows, while she prepared one of those delicious desserts. Possibly as a result of all her years perfecting her technique as a pastry chef, but, as in that, she considered that everything had to be planned, measured, and calculated.

On the other hand, your father was always talking about how fate made everything line up perfectly for things in his life to come in abundance, he would happily tell about the coincidences in his life, although the answer was always the same, a debate between the two of them as to what was the truth.

A skeptical pastry chef and a dreamy lawyer, a match made in heaven.

Whatever it had been, causality or causality, you never thought a hit of luck would be so...literal.

It was unusual for you to be in Shiratorizawa's volleyball gymnasium, if you had managed to get into such a prestigious high school it was because of the impeccable grades you always had, sports were not a priority.

You weren't afraid of balls, but, the way everyone was spiking the ball was about to cause you a headache, especially Ushijima Wakatoshi, the school's ace, one of the best athletes in the country.

"Why are we here, again?" you asked, your gaze wandering between the various players and the sound of balls hitting everywhere making the conversation feel distorted.

"Because they" one pointed out, to the rest of the girls looking around the court excitedly "want to see Semi Eita, the pretty boy with the grey hair" she gestured to the boy in the corner, slamming the ball to the ground unaware that they were watching.

"Ah" you replied, somewhat bored, grabbing your backpack and standing up. "Good luck with that, I have to get home early" you said, waving goodbye to everyone.

To leave, or at least, to do it in a faster way, the door that led out of the building, and through which you had to go through the court, was the best option, as it took longer to take the way inside the corridors. The only option as you made your way down the bleachers.

The only thing you heard, with your eyes glued to the ground, trying to go completely unnoticed was a "WATCH OUT!" that made you look up before you saw nothing but darkness.

"I don't know, Wakatoshi-kun, looks like you did kill her" a voice was heard in the distance, the light irritating your eyes if you tried to open them. Still, only because of your stubbornness, you tried to get up without anyone else's help.

"I don't think it's best if you stand up now" you heard a deeper voice, but you didn't know exactly where it was coming from.

"I'm fine" you whispered, placing a hand on where you assumed you had been hit with the volleyball, feeling a warm liquid staining it. It wasn't possible that a spike had cracked your forehead open, right?

Right?

"I'm fine, I have to go" as you stood up, opening your eyes, everything was spinning. An arm went around your shoulders, stopping you from falling back to the ground, firm, but at the same time gentle.

"You need to go to the infirmary, you're bleeding" the voice now seemed to be closer, a little more stable, but, no way did you feel you could even move without throwing up or passing out again, what the fuck had that hit been? Could someone hit someone that hard just with a serve?

The answer was yes, and the name, Ushijima Wakatoshi.

You barely felt it when, just like that, he lifted you off the ground, although it seemed that your body felt it. A piece of something, probably cloth or gauze stopped the bleeding. You kept repeating that at least they let you walk, that you were okay, even though, clearly, you had the symptoms of a concussion.

"Are you all right, can you tell me where you are?" questioned Ushijima, entering a room. You had finally managed to open your eyes and recover from the dizziness.

"I'm fine, we're at the high school" you whispered, looking at Ushijima for the first time.

Even if you had gone to games before, you had never seen that look on Wakatoshi's face, a mixture of fear and worry, accompanied by his pale face and a barely noticeable bloodstain on his shirt.

"You can wait outside, dear boy," said the nurse, slightly terrified by what had happened.

A couple of hours passed before they managed to let you go, after calling your parents and making sure you didn't leave the building unless you were accompanied. You didn't need stitches, and that was a huge plus, but still, you left the infirmary with a gauze pad on your forehead, some candy, and a chance to take the rest of the week off to rest, which wasn't such a bad outcome.

You closed the door behind you, looking sideways at Wakatoshi on the floor, who got up almost immediately, still looking scared, even his gaze lingered for a few seconds on the patch on your forehead, which reminded him of the fact that he had accidentally hit you with a volleyball while practicing his serves.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, looking disheveled, and as if he had done nothing more than wait in the hallway until everything was in order.

"Oh, don't worry, Ushijima-san, I'm fine" you assured, but it didn't seem to be enough for him.

"I'm so sorry, let me take you home to be sure you arrive safely" he asked, with his hands behind his back and his head slightly bent down, like a child discovered stealing the candy from the counter.

"My parents are here to take me home, don't worry" you assured, glancing sideways at the door, somewhat far away. "You can walk me to the car, if you like."

"Of course" he nodded, walking beside you. Up close he looked even taller than he was, his expression calm and his gaze fixed straight ahead, though, he seemed to have a doubt that would leave his lips at any moment "Would you allow me to walk you to school tomorrow?"

You looked at him with raised eyebrows, somehow, the sound of just both of your footsteps in the hallway was comforting, soothing. It wasn't awkward, or uncomfortable. Ushijma didn't believe in awkward silences, because to him actions said more than words, and, that a question shouldn't be answered right away. So, the way to the entrance was nothing more than waiting for an honest, and safe, answer.

"I got permission to miss classes for the rest of the week, in case the concussion gets complicated, because I have to rest" you began, letting again the calm silence take center stage for a couple of seconds. "Then I won't be back until Monday, but maybe you can come for dinner tomorrow?"

"If you accept that as my apology for hurting you, then by all means" he took the door, allowing you to leave before him, there was still a bit of a walk to the main entrance. "Although, I would like to cook"

"Oh, I didn't know you cooked," you smiled, looking up at him. Ushijima looked down, and, you could swear he was smiling too. "If that's what you prefer, I'd love to."

The rest of the walk was quiet, and calm. Ushijima said goodbye to you after introducing himself to your parents, and apologizing again. In the rearview mirror you saw him standing there, waiting until he didn't see the car to go home.

He was really worried, and it would probably take him a few days to stop being scared about what had just happened. He was even willing to be scolded by the coach for missing two days of practice, just to make sure everything was in order.

Likewise, even if it would be a whole day before you saw Ushijima, he decided to call you just before he went to bed. And at lunchtime, because doing it earlier would surely have woken you up. He didn't talk too much, he let you talk about how annoying the doctors at the hospital had been when you went to check that everything was okay, and all the boring time you spent there.

He called back as soon as he got out of school, to make sure the details of the dinner were ready, he would bring the food, and some dessert, and, you would bring the drinks. You had to convince him though, otherwise he would have bought everything, he would have even brought plates and silverware from his own house.

Wakatoshi took the job of bringing the food seriously, as much as he could buy anything on the way home, he decided to make something himself. The menu was simple, yakisoba, yukari rice balls with an egg on top of each dish. As for dessert, he decided not to risk it, and preferred to buy those box cakes that had been quite popular lately, and, some condensed milk truffles that Tendou gave him as a gift as, he assured, you would love them.

Your parents could be quite reluctant to invite a boy to the house, but, after proposing the idea that you could clean up the picnic table you had in the backyard, where there was a space convenient enough for them to peek in just a little to feel safe, they agreed almost immediately.

During the afternoon, the question you wanted to ignore came out of nowhere, could that be considered a date, and should you dress for the occasion? It didn't seem like anything would match a forehead injury, or that anything would hide it. The result ended up being something you would wear if you were going out with friends, simple, and appropriate for the sunny day out.

Ushijima arrived exactly at the appointed time, and, reluctantly from your parents, you opened the door without them intruding. Looking at him, you failed to understand the nervous feeling that traveled from your heart to the tips of your fingers, making them tremble. Standing with a bag in his left hand, his hair slightly tousled and a bouquet of flowers in the other. Yet another gesture of apology, right?

"Hi, I brought some flowers" he pointed out, extending them. Your hand gently brushing his as you took them, white roses with green accents that made the bouquet look incredibly elegant.

"I already told you that you didn't have to keep apologizing, Ushijima" you mentioned, taking the flowers. "We'll eat outside then you don't need to take off your shoes, but let me go get a vase."

"You look good today" he spoke out of nowhere, making you look at him even though you were already halfway down the aisle. "You look good in those clothes" he seemed to be trying to smile, but you weren't sure. You smiled anyway, grateful for the compliment.

You returned with the bouquet, which would now serve as a decoration for the picnic. You could feel the intense gaze of your parents even if they tried to hide when they peeked, or, according to them, "watched" that everything was in order.

"Are you feeling better then?" he asked, looking at how simply decorated the picnic table was but somehow looked incredibly cozy, with perfect tree shade.

As was now usual, Wakatoshi didn't talk more than usual, at least not at first, he wanted to hear about how you were feeling, and how many days you would be out of school, although you assured him that you would be back to your activities by next Monday, and that, your friends would take care of sending you the homework you needed. Then the questions about him began.

You learned a lot, how he learned to play volleyball at a young age, his interest in cooking but his almost zero ability to make desserts. My mother could make some, you laughed, drinking some cranberry juice in a wine glass, your father's idea. He told you about his new interest in plants, and his father's work out of the country. Even some good anecdotes about the volleyball team.

Dessert was something completely different, by that time, she started to excitedly explain his last game, and what it was like to be in the Olympics. Although it wasn't as noticeable, you could tell in the way his lips curved into a slight smile as he tried to find the right words to define how he felt.

Reluctantly, and after offering to do the dishes, you said no, keeping the bento boxes with the promise that you would bring lunch on Monday for both of you, and now a wide smile on his face, even when he had to go home.

The following Monday came terribly slow, with the only thing that made it better being that Ushijima had not stopped her constant calls, the day possibly delayed by dark clouds heralding torrential rain.

"You don't have to keep apologizing anymore, look, even the wound has healed" you said, to Ushijima who was standing at the entrance, now with a box of the truffles you had liked so much, and which he had now made.

"I know. But I'd really like to walk with you at school" he smiled. "If you'll let me.

"I'd love to."

Life is made up of 80% causality and 20% chance, and, although you wouldn't want to repeat the literal hit of luck you received, you hadn't wanted it any other way.

Going to the gym because your friends wanted to see a cute boy on the volleyball team, having to leave early because you had things to do at home, leaving through the door you had to walk through on the court, getting hit in the head with a volleyball, only to end up walking to school with him, fingers barely brushing, a tender kiss on the cheek before he left.

Eating now inside the house, holding hands, a kiss on the corner of the lips. Waiting in the bleachers for practice to end, a number one jacket covering you from the rain.

The worst way to get to know each other, and, somehow, it seemed you were made for one another.

#ushijima wakatoshi x reader #ushijima x reader #ushijima x you #ushijima x y/n #wakatoshi x reader #wakatoshi icons #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu x you #hqhq server collab #hqhq server collab meet ugly

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arlertwifey · 2 years

Text

chapter 05. hometown ghosts

☾—parings: levi x fem!reader · genre: modern!AU, mystery, action · word count: 3.4k

☾—chapter summary: You and Levi say farewell to Trost.

☾—warnings: blackmail/threatening, knives, ideation of violence & murder, long-term illness of a parent, (discussion of) murder, (discussion of) kidnapping, brief violence, terrible service industry work

☾—notice: 18+ ONLY. MINORS & AGELESS BLOGS = BLOCKED.

☾—taglist: @cherrykamado, @lacheri, @atinyarmyx1, @midaribaby, @ackeruser, @araveticazx

☾—a/n: I hope you enjoy this instalment! please let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist

series masterlist ☾ writing masterlist ☾ prev. chapter ☾ next chapter [tba]

Despite the frailness of her arm, Kuchel's grip is strong when her hand closes around your wrist, her neatly painted fingernails digging into your skin. You wonder if Levi was the one to paint the little daisy designs on them: it seems like something he'd be good at.

"Just who the hell are you? And who sent you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," you reply, jerking your arm from her grasp. "Perhaps you're feeling unwell—"

"Bullshit." Her lip curls, looking at you with more disgust than fear. "Levi might not have figured out exactly what you are, but I'd know someone like you from a mile away. You all move the same way."

Clearly, she isn't going to be convinced otherwise. You let out a sigh, straightening your shoulders. Really, when you think about it, this'll make your job easier. Though Levi’s not going to like it.

"No one sent me."

Kuchel snorts. "So I'm just supposed to believe that your kind waltzed back into my son's life by chance?"

"It's a coincidence."

"If that's true then you'll have no problem leaving then," Kuchel says, icily. "Whatever you two have, leave it and get out of here. Assuming you actually give a shit about him and aren't just here to hurt us."

"If I wanted you and your son dead, you'd already be buried in a ditch somewhere," you snap, irritation rising. "Or maybe I'd dump your bodies in the quarry, like that little girl. Fitting for you, huh?"

Kuchel's face goes pale, jaw slack in shock. "Don't talk about that."

"Why not?" Maybe it's cruel to back her into a corner in this way, but it'll be easier without Levi here. “Isn’t that what happened?”

Besides, you're certain he'll only be content with waiting outside in the hall and listening in for so long. Soon he'll come galavanting in to save his poor, frail mother.

But for now there's nowhere for her to run.

"Are you really worried about me hurting you, or are you just worried that I'll dig up things you want gone?"

Kuchel swallows. "You have no idea what you're talking about."

"I think I do." You fold your arms over your chest, leaning back in your chair. "In fact, I think I probably know more about it than you do. But I want to hear it from you all the same. Got it?"

You cross your legs, making your long skirt slide up your calf. Her eyes catch on the sharp plastic shiv taped against your leg. At this angle, Levi shouldn't be able to see it, even if he were to look in through the doorway. Good. This threat isn't for him anyway.

"What do you want?" Kuchel asks slowly, the gears in her mind turning.

"Tell me a story." You drum your fingertips against your arm. "Tell me everything you know about what happened to Mikasa Ackerman."

Kuchel shudders as you speak her name.

What is surprising is the level tone of her voice as she begins speaking:

"My brother-in-law—or whatever you want to call him—Kenny, was never a very nice man. In fact, calling him a complete monster is more accurate. I did my best to keep Levi away from him, but back then he practically ran this town. All the bad things that happened here always seemed to circle back to Kenny. Like shit running down hill."

"What about her parents?"

A sad smile graces Kuchel's face. "Scientists. College sweethearts. She was a botanist and he studied chemistry. Mikasa was a happy little girl with them."

"Until Kenny darkened their doorstep."

There's something vacant in her eye now, like she's being dragged into long-pushed away memories. "No one ever said it. It was always just brushed off as a random robbery gone wrong. They were cut to pieces. And Mikasa disappeared."

"But you thought it was Kenny?"

"I knew it was him. I knew they argued—Kenny and Mikasa's father. You couldn't find two men that were more different. But he had something that Kenny wanted—or maybe Kenny just thought that he did—and that was never a good position to be in."

"And so he killed them all. And dumped Mikasa in the quarry."

“And then he left. No one around here’s heard from him since.” She falls silent, clearly intending to end the conversation there.

"So that's the half of it, but what about the rest of the story?" You prompt.

Her head jerks up. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the part where someone had to identify the shoe. In fact, someone had to put it there in the first place. He must have asked you to do that when the town started getting antsy after her body never appeared. I suppose, I just want to know what exactly you gained from helping with this?"

Kuchel's head falls forward, shaking. "You're a bitch."

"How original. Answer my question."

"I had Levi," her voice shakes. "Who was going to help us? Everyone else under his thumb? The cops on his payroll? Do you have any idea what would have happened to us if I didn't go through with it?"

Her skin’s gone pale, eyes frantic as they bore into yours—like an animal with its leg in a trap.

You look at her evenly. "Yeah, I know exactly what would have happened to you."

"Then you understand why I helped him. What Kenny wanted he got: whether it was killing her parents or taking Mikasa with him. I couldn't... I couldn't let him get Levi too." Her eyes drag over to the doorway, where Levi's no doubt still hidden. "My precious baby. I swore that I was never going to let anything happen to him." She laughs bitterly. "So much for that. You're here, so I guess that I did a pretty shit job."

"I don't know about that." You don't know why you feel the need to assure her. "I'm not here because of anything you did or didn't do."

"Then why are you here?"

"I'm just getting by."

Kuchel snorts and wipes away the tears forming at the corners of her eyes. "Ain't that the truth."

She lets out a long breath, back straightening.

"Feels kind of good to tell someone about what happened. Guess that whole 'getting it off your chest' thing is true."

"I wouldn't know."

That gets a proper laugh out of her. "Is this why he likes you?" she draws a circle around your deadpan face. "Like a stone cold gambler. Levi's been the same way since he was a little kid."

"No need to worry," you say, tugging the hem of your dress down, so that it covers the blade on your leg. "Your son doesn't have any fondness for me." You turn, looking over your shoulder toward the doorway.

Kuchel examines your face for a long moment. “I guess a better question is: what’s so special about him to you?”

You swallow, turning over the question in your mind. It would be easy to brush off but for some reason, pinned beneath her grey-eyed gaze, find that you don’t want to.

Instead shift forward in your seat, leaning close to her. Her eyes go wide, breath shuddering as she expects you to close your hand around her throat instead of merely resting it on her blankets.

When you speak, you do so softly, so that Levi can’t catch your words from where he’s no doubt listening in from the hall door (you heard his footsteps halt, the idiot).

“The stupid bastard helped me,” you breathe into her ear. “When anyone with common sense would have known to keep their head down and stay out of trouble. But clearly, there’s something very wrong with him. With both of us.” Your laugh surprises both Kuchel and yourself. “So now—for some fucking reason—I’m going to stick my neck out for him. And you too.”

She swallows. “Am I supposed to believe that all this is just to ‘help’ Levi and me? How the hell could someone like you help us?”

“I’ll need you to trust me.”

“Are you joking?”

“Unfortunately, no,” you reply, dryly. “We both know that so long as you’re in danger, Levi’s hands are tied. He’d do anything for you.”

“What are you saying?”

“You said that you know exactly what kind of person I am. I’m sure that’s correct. You probably have a far better understanding of the situation than your son. Which means that you also understand that this kind of offer doesn’t happen twice.”

Kuchel nods. “So make it.”

“You’ll be safe. Levi will bring Mikasa back to you, along with enough money to cover any remaining expenses you have. You’ll be a healthy, happy family once again.” You sit back, putting distance between the two of you again. “Levi helps me get what I want.” You snap your fingers. “Simple as that.”

“And what is it you want?”

“I haven’t figured all of it out yet.” You reply. “But for starters: I want Kenny Ackerman face down in a puddle of his own blood. After that... I don’t know. Maybe nothing at all.”

Her eyes widened. “What’s your business with Kenny?”

“That’s between me and him.” You tap your finger against your lips. “It won’t involve Levi, so don’t worry. I promise, I’ll be long out of your hair by then.”

You hold out your hand to her. After a long moment, she clasps it in hers. “You better keep up your end of this.”

“If I don’t, I’m dead,” you promise her.

Dropping your hand you look back over your shoulder.

“We should probably just call him back in,” Kuchel huffs. “So we’re all on the same page.”

As if he hasn’t been listening to every word, pulling out his hair to decipher your intentions.

“Levi, get in here and stop lurking in the hall,” you say, cupping your hand so that your voice carries.

There’s a beat of silence before the door swings open, revealing an enraged Levi.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He snaps, stopping to stand beside his mother’s bed.

You shrug. "She started it."

Levi gives you an incredulous look.

Kuchel reaches out, taking one of his fists in her hand and making his fingers to go slack. “Don’t worry, Levi, she didn’t do anything.”

“Is that supposed to be comforting?” He doesn’t look away from your face, glaring daggers. “I don’t like this.”

You look at Kuchel, watching as she glances between you and her son. There’s fear in her face that wasn’t there before: not of you, but rather directed toward Levi. As though she’s afraid to meet his eyes after he no doubt heard her confession.

“You’re mother has agreed to work with me… with us,” You tell him. “We can move forward now and we should do so quickly.”

Levi turns, facing his mother for the first time, as if to ask if you’re speaking the truth. She gives him a weak smile and nods.

Levi’s shoulders go slack in surrender and he sighs. He appears defeated when he looks at your once more. “Alright. What do you have in mind?”

You take a deep breath and lay out your plan.

Even though you don’t see much of it, the glimpses you get of Levi’s departure are undoubtedly depressing. He doesn’t give you rides home from work any longer, both due to your suggestion that you distance yourselves from one another, as well as because he needs the time to drive his meagre possessions to a storage unit.

That was your suggestion. Though he said there wasn’t much he wanted to keep, he’d changed his tune when you informed him that you’d bet your life his house won’t be standing by the end of this mess.

That had gotten his ass in gear.

You only stop by his home one more time over the span of the two weeks, to drop off two cellphones.

He greets you at the door, circles beneath his eyes tinged purple, hair rumpled. You walk past him into the house, not bothering with a greeting.

The place has been gutted. Now you're certain that there’s nothing of interest for you to dig up. All that’s left in the living room is a sleeping bag beside a few piles of taped shut boxes. The once-locked door to Kuchel’s room is open now, empty like the rest of the building.

“You and your mother can use these.” You toss two cell phone boxes onto the sleeping bag. “Use them to contact one another exclusively. Don’t use names. If you have to speak in specifics, use pseudonyms, got it?”

“Should I be writing this down?” He asks, dryly. It doesn’t hold any of the acrid humor it usually does.

A small part of you wants to comfort him, but the rest of you knows that even if you tried it wouldn’t come out right. It never does.

The two of you had agreed on the moving day for his mother. Really, it was child’s play. A called in favor earned her a spot in Saint Maria General Hospital, a day's travel away from Rose City. Levi had pressed you, wanting to know just who exactly would be involved with his mother’s transfer to another state, her care listened under a fake identity.

In response, you’d curled your fingers into a faux-pistol shape, tapping the end of your index finger against your temple. “Think, Levi. Isn’t it better that you don’t know?”

Your answer had shut him up for a little while.

Now though, watching his grim expression as he turns over the cellphone in his hand, you're filled with a compulsion to explain. “Dr. Hanji owes me a favor from a long time ago. They’ve insisted that I repay them for years now. Seemed like a good enough favor to ask. They’re… odd, but practically a medical genius.”

He swallows hard and nods. “Good to know.”

She’ll be okay. You want to promise him that. Somehow, though, you know it won’t do anything more for him. So instead you leave, let Levi sit with his fears and grief as you return to your silent apartment to finish the preparations for the two of your departure from Trost.

You’ve never been good at goodbyes anyway.

When the day of your departure rolls around, you’re glad to see that Levi’s on time (not that he's ever been late before).

It’s a Tuesday, the air cold again. It’s getting darker earlier now, the sun dipping toward the horizon despite it only being late afternoon.

The Legion is as warm and oil-scented as ever, the chatter of customers forming and endless static in your ears. It doesn’t faze you though—like you’re miles away already.

Maybe you already are.

Your mind is on the move, tracing its way along the path you chartered. It’s stuffed away below the insole in your sneaker, lest you lose track of it. Not that you’ll need to look at it. By this point, the route is burned into your memory.

Still, you’re certain that seeing your journey sketched out on paper will put Levi at ease.

Kitz notices of course. Sees it reflected in the tips that he pockets, or the lack thereof.

He pulls you aside after you’ve changed out of your uniform and back into your usual clothing. Really, you’d needed to talk to him anyhow, not that it’ll make the experience anymore pleasant. In fact, you’d been heading toward the office to clock out for the final time. Your ears caught the rumble of Levi’s bike minutes before, signifying the end of your shift.

“Seriously, what the hell has gotten into you?” He snarls, breath warm against your face in the cramped office. “You show up today with a piss-poor attitude and decide that’s how you’re going to deal with the customers?”

He’s not wrong per se. This is your last day—you’d have ditched if the extra money wouldn’t come in handy. Unlike the past months that you worked, you hadn’t bothered with the candy sweet smile and voice reserved for customers and the meek, wide-eyed look used to appease Kitz.

You drag your eyes down from the bulging vein on his forehead to meet his gaze. “So what? You get less of my tips?”

Maybe something else has grated on his last nerve today as well and that’s why he snaps.

Unfortunately for him, you don’t feel anything but a grim sense of satisfaction watching the shock and subsequent rage wash over his features.

“That’s it, bitch—” You see his hand rise out of your peripheral vision.

He’s too slow.

Your fist and crumpled up uniform slam into his gut, making him double over. “You were saying?”

He chokes, desperately trying to breathe. You crouch, fingers curling in his hair to jerk back his head and make him look at you.

“Pick on someone your own size next time, okay?” You say, sweetly. “‘Cause next time you try and mess with me, I’m gonna fucking bury you.”

He nods, wheezing. You stand up and toss the dress and apron at his feet. “See you around, Kitz.”

Clearly, he’s got some sense, because he doesn’t even attempt to follow after you when you leave.

Levi’s waiting in the same spot as always, leaning against his bike. There’s a backpack on his back, same with you. It doesn’t look particularly full—clearly he took your instruction to ‘pack the bare necessities’ to heart. He’s wearing a grey knitted hat you haven’t seen before., face tucked away behind his collar.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” He looks up and watches as you put on your helmet. “What’s got you in such a good mood?”

You think of Kitz’s gasping, reddened face and smile. “Would you believe me if I said I was just happy to see you?”

He snorts, stuffs his hat in his pocket, and puts on his helmet. “Are you joking?”

The bike roars to life, cutting through the quiet. He nods at you and you slip on behind him, not hesitating to hold onto him.

“So, where to?”

“The interstate. We’re heading south east.”

“South East?”

“Let’s head toward Route 29. We’ll need to stop along the way, but that’ll get us started.”

You can already tell the directions are far too vague for his taste. Surprisingly though, he doesn’t protest, instead saying, “You’ve already got our whole route chartered haven’t you?”

When you don't answer, he shakes his head. “Hold on.”

It feels like a weight is lifted off your shoulders as you watch the lights of the Legion fade out into the distance as you drive down the road. You aren't in a hurry to return to Trost. Hell, you doubt you’ll even get the chance to if you wanted to.

No, your sights are set on far bigger things than a burned out town.

Escaping with Levi at your side is… surreal to say the least. How long has it been since a life other than your own was your responsibility? Not long enough it feels like. Everything’s harder when you need to keep someone else from getting fucking murdered. You feel the comforting weight of your backpack against you—packed with all the tools you could get your hands on to ensure that your plans come to fruition.

It’ll go smoothly, you tell yourself. So long as Levi sticks to his word and actually trusts you, everything will be fine… in theory.

It’s about two and a half hours before you tap Levi on the shoulder twice and he nods before pulling off to the side of the road. The sun has dipped fully below the horizon line, lighting up the distant mountains and endless dusty land in red and orange. No one’s around for miles, aside from a gas station just visible in the distance—nothing more than a speck of glowing green-white light.

He kills the engine resting a foot on the ground to balance the bike. “What is it?”

“We need to stop here and get ready. Let's roll the bike away from the road, by those rocks.” You point to a cluster of boulders not far from the road, where the motorcycle will be shadowed.

He stares at you incredulous. “Are we seriously about to camp out here or something?”

You can’t help but laugh at his startled expression.

“No, that comes later. First, we’re going to commit a robbery.”

#levi ackerman x reader #levi x reader #levi ackerman series #levi x y/n #levi ackerman x fem!reader #levi ackerman x y/n #levi ackerman #snk x reader #snk x y/n #aot x y/n #aot x reader #snk #levi ackerman fanfiction #my writing #tw.flashing #ch—levi 💕#series: no saints

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emma-nation · 3 years

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The Devil In I - Bela x OC (Resident Evil Village AU)

“Step inside, see the Devil in I”

Summary: Aleena Novak is a 19 years old orphan who desired more than living in a village in the middle of nowhere. A talented artist with a big future ahead, she gets the scholarship of her dreams in United States. But everything changes when her twin brother, Auryk, steals an important artifact from Castle Dimitrescu.

In this adventure, Aleena will find way more than she expected.

“You’ll realize I’m not your Devil anymore”

Pairing: Bela Dimitrescu x OC

Genre: Between T and M (Trigger warning for violence, blood, abuse and eventual smut)

Tag List: @nydeiri

Notes: This is my first RES fic, so I'm sorry if I mess it up a bit. English is also not my main language, so a mistake or two may happen. I hope you enjoy it :)

Trigger Warning: Language, abuse, blood and violence.

Eastern Europe - July, 2009

"If he could learn to love another and earn her love in return by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time. As the years passed he fell into despair and lost all hope. For who could ever learn to love a beast?"

Mother closed the book, placing it on the bedside table between Auryk's bed and mine. Then, she lowered herself and kissed my forehead like she did every night. Her long, blonde hair tickled my face and left a trace of her sweet lavender fragrance in the air. I giggled.

"Good night, sweetheart," she spoke.

"Good night, momma."

"Cherish your last night as a six years old. Tomorrow you will become a..."

"Princess?!"

"A seven years old girl. The prettiest girl in the village."

"Pffft," Auryk let out a displeased grunt from his bed, covering his head with the pillow to avoid listening another word from the conversation.

"And you too," mother sat by his side on the bed and repeated her nightly ritual of kissing his forehead to wish him a good night too. "You'll become the most handsome and brave warrior in this village. Do you understand?"

"I hope so. Good night, mom."

"Good night, buddy."

Mother left the room, leaving us both in the dark. However, we couldn't sleep. Not because we were thrilled about our incoming birthday party as any regular child, but because we knew our lives were about to change. Seven years old was the age every child from our village was introduced to the truth and started being trained to fight the evil that haunted our lands. Auryk and I spent minutes, or maybe hours, in silence, staring at the ceiling.

"Leena?" He was the first one to speak. "Do you believe a spell can broken? I mean, like a curse?"

"I don't know, Ryk," I answered, feeling my thoughts starting to drift away. "Maybe we're doomed after all. Or... we could learn how to love the beasts."

The birthday parties always happened during the daytime, rules of the village. We could no longer be outside after 6 PM. Mother got help from the other women to prepare the treats and organize the decorations. Auryk was disguised as a pirate and I... I was Belle, from the Beauty and the Beast.

"So, what do you think you will be getting this year?" My best friend Elena asked while we were playing with our dolls. She was about two years older than us.

"I don't know," I shrugged. Being a merchant, my father always returned home with the most unusual gifts: a magical music box, a voodoo doll that had a life on its own or a fragrance that chased away the monsters - and everybody else too. "A new book. I'm hoping for a new book."

It was only by the end of the party Adrian Novak made his entrance. That was the mystery about him. Nobody knew when he would show up, or if he would show up at all. He still had that same annoying smirk on his face. The corner of his mouth holding a cigarette. The months away made his beard grow longer, as well as his dark hair. In the sunlight, the scar above his eye was even more visible.

"Auryk," he shouted, "come here, son. I've got something for ya."

My twin brother, who had been climbing trees with his friends stop frozen in spot for a second. I couldn't tell if he hated or feared that man. Maybe both. He slowly followed father's command, approaching him cautiously.

"Hi, dad."

"Happy birthday, son," father ruffled his dark straight hair with his strong and calloused hand. "It's about time you grow up."

He handed my brother a large package. From our experience, we knew exactly what it was, a shotgun.

"T-Thank you, dad."

"I'll be spending some time at home. Tomorrow we'll start practicing."

Auryk consented. He shot me a quick glance. From our twin bond I could tell my brother was far from happy. When he blew his candles that afternoon, he didn't wish for a weapon. We wished to be a normal child.

"What did you get, Leena?" He asked once we were locked in the safety of our bedroom.

"Pencils and a drawing book. Dad thinks I'm talented."

Not really. Adrian Novak would never allow his daughter to hold a shotgun. That was, according to him, 'a man thing'.

"Good, at least one of us got what they wanted. Happy birthday, sister."

"Happy birthday, brother."

4 Years Later - October, 2013

It wasn't easy to be the weakest of the twins. Although he was born first, Auryk was the tinniest. The one who was always getting sick or getting injured. The one who couldn't hit a single fucking target when he had the alcoholic breath of his father on his neck.

He aimed for a crow, sitting still on a fence. How hard could it be? Even the eldest man from the village could do any better than that.

BANG! He shot again. And missed.

"Again?!" Adrian angered, shoving him hard on the shoulder. "What the hell is your problem, kid?"

"I don't know, okay? This gun... it's heavy!"

"Heavy? And why do you think we've been exercising for all these years, huh?! We do not live in Disneyland, Auryk. We need to fight monsters, abominations. Someday I won't be home and you need to be prepared to protect our people. Do you understand?"

Tears started forming in the corners of the boy's blue eyes. He couldn't cry. Not in front of him. Crying was a sign of weakness and he couldn't be weak. Not right now. Auryk started to think about all the things he could be doing. He thought about the ocean, as he had seen on TV and books. He could feel the warmness of the sun on his skin. The sand between his toes. His mom and sister were also there, of course - they'd carry them with him everywhere. And he would study Math and Physics. There would be no guns, no monsters, no blood, only numbers, only formulas, only theories. He smiled. He no longer felt like crying.

"I'm sorry, dad," kindness was always the answer, his mother said. "But this isn't for me, you know? I don't like it. I... Remember that boarding school my teacher mentioned? I thought maybe I..."

His words were interrupted by a hard slap on his face. Auryk could taste a small amount of blood coming out from his lower lip.

"So that's what you want? To become one of those little fancy fags? Maybe you're not my son after all."

Adrian started walking away, leaving his son alone, sitting on the floor.

"I AM!" Auryk yelled, enraged. "I am your son."

"Then prove it."

"You shouldn't take so hard on him," Savannah poured her husband a cup of tea. "He's just a boy."

"He's eleven years old, for god's sake," the husband punched the table strong enough to make it shake. "He needs to man up a bit. You should stop spoiling him."

As I left my bedroom I found my brother sitting on the stairs. He didn't have to be so close to listen to the conversation between our parents, father's voice was loud enough to echo through every wall of our small and cozy home.

I sat down by his side, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

"Maybe you should do it, Leena. You'd do it better, I know."

"I'm not so sure. Remember when I tried to shoot a scarecrow and almost shot that old witch?"

"Come on, you aimed on purpose! I know."

Auryk finally let out a small laugh at the memory.

"You're good at everything, Leena," he spoke fondly. "You're an extrovert, you're everybody's friend, you can cook, you can draw and paint... you're a true artist. I'm a mistake."

"You're not a mistake, Ryk," I pulled my brother closer, resting my cheek against the side of his face. "We're only at the wrong place and you know it."

Going back to our bedroom, we pulled from the drawers the postcards our grandma Louise sent us from San Diego. Mom had been born in California and lived there her entire life, until she met father during one of his trips. God knows what made her fall in love with that man. Adventure? Danger? I expected better from myself when I turned eighteen. Otherwise, I'd never want to fall in love. Love could be my ruin, just like my mom's.

"Leena..." Auryk held the postcard tightly, "do you think... if he died... do you think mom would take us to nana's home?"

"I don't know, Ryk," I didn't want to think of my father's possible death. But I also dreamed of a better life. "Maybe."

"What the hell?" Father's voice in the kitchen made me jump in fear. I knew that tone. I grew up used to that. Something was wrong in the village. We had to hide.

"To the basement, now!" He emerged at the bedroom, holding a rifle. "Lycans were seen surrounding the area."

We barely had any time to react, mom came and dragged us both to the basement. Father left, carrying his arsenal of weapons as usual. There were other hunters in the village but we always knew how badly it could end. Somebody could always get seriously hurt. Or worse.

The basement had been carefully prepared for that kind of situation years before. It had a big bed, two armchairs, a heating source, some stored food and a shelf. Mom sighed and forced a smile.

"So," she walked to the shelf, "what is it going to be today?"

"Frankenstein," Auryk suggested. My brother loved mystery and horror. As if his life hadn't enough of it.

"Romeo and Juliet," I spoke. There was something about forbidden romance that always caught my interest.

"Okay. I... I'm gonna say a prayer and you two can read the books you picked by yourselves. What do you think?"

"Great!"

Mom kneeled down by the bed's side, holding a crucifix. I could join her if I wanted to, but I'd rather watch in silence. I grabbed my book, sitting on one of the armchairs and pretending to pay attention, while I tried to distract myself from the fact my father could be the Lycans' next prey. Or all of us, if they managed to break into our house.

"Leena?" I woke up hours later with my mom shaking me. "Leena?! Where's Auryk? Where's your brother, Leena?"

I had no idea. I had fallen asleep and apparently, so did mom. She checked for the basement's door, it had been locked from outside.

"No..." she tried to force it open. "No! I can't be..."

All Auryk had to do was to successfully kill and take a Lycan's carcass as a trophy to his father, right? That was what that old douchebag wanted him to do, to prove his courage, his manhood. We had his shotgun, a binoculars and a knife, that should be enough, but first, he needed a good plan.

Looking down to his hands, he had the most perfect idea. Without thinking twice, he sliced a cut through his palm, letting some blood pour on the ground. Then, he found a tall tree. He climbed it and observed. The smell of blood his trail left behind should be enough to attract a creature.

"Come on... come on..."

From a distance, Auryk could hear the sound of destruction and death. There was a battle going on somewhere nearby. Once again Lycans should have found a family or a group of hunters.

And then, he could hear it. The heavy footsteps, the screeching sounds, the sniffing. The mutant creature was only a few meters away from the tree. He aimed, but it was still too distant. He needed to move to a closer branch.

It all happened in one second. He was almost there, reaching for the spot he had picked, but his weight was too much for the tree's branch. In a blink of an eye, he was lying on the ground. His vision was blurred. His head hurt intensely, as well as his arm. It was broken for sure. He possibly had a concussion too. He tried to stand up and run but his legs wouldn't follow his commands. The Lycan was coming straight at him.

"AURYK!" His mother screamed behind him. "NO!"

Time seemed to freeze in that fraction of second. How did she manage to escape the basement? How could she have found him?

But without hesitation, Savannah threw herself on top of her son, protecting him from the jaws and claws of the monster. Auryk couldn't see much, but he could smell it. He could feel it. Blood. There was blood everywhere. He couldn't tell who it belonged to, he or his mom's.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

A fast sequence of shots suggested the hunters had found them. The creature stopped moving, stopped howling. It was finally dead.

"M-Mom... it's dead. We... We're safe."

She didn't answer. Instead, he heard another familiar voice.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!" It was from his father. "Savannah! Savannah!"

"D-Dad..." Auryk tried to speak, but the words got lost along the way. "I... I..."

Adrian lifted him by his jacket, holding him inches above the ground.

"YOU KILLED HER! YOU KILLED YOUR MOM, YOUR STUPID BASTARD!"

"I..." tears streamed down the boy's face, his injured brain trying to process what had just happened. "I'm sorry.'

After he was thrown back to the ground, he was hit with a hard kick on his stomach. He turned his head around to notice a small figure hiding behind a tree, watching the whole scene in pure horror.

"L-Leena..." he muttered.

"This is all your fault, Auryk. You're a disgrace to this family."

And then, he passed out. Rumors said he was unconscious for days or maybe weeks. When he woke up, he wished everything had been a nightmare.

Present Days - July, 2021

Nobody mourned Adrian Novak when he died. Not his children. Not his village mates. No human being would ever feel any sympathy for a man who abused and blamed his eleven years old son for his mother's death. It had been two years since Adrian left this world and I couldn't feel any more free.

"Hey," I left another message on my brother's voicemail, "in case you've forgotten it's our birthday today. I'd like to have my twin home, you know? Call me when you get this message."

It was useless, I knew. Auryk would only pick up his phone when he wanted to. Or when he was too drunk. God knew where that guy would be at that time, probably waking up at some girl's bed or getting some rest from... working.

After grabbing myself a cup of coffee, I checked the door's mat. Bills, bills, newspaper and... California Institute Of Arts? I remember having an argument with Auryk about this matter at some point. He wanted me to fill the application and send them my portfolio. I insisted we had no money, not even to pay for the tuition. I won - I always win every argument by the way.

"Your damn son of a..." I placed the envelope on the kitchen's table. I was a coward, I confess. However, I didn't know which pain was worse - to be sure I wasn't good enough or to be sure I was, indeed, but I'd never have money to leave that hellhole. Anyways, I decided to leave it alone. I had more important things to do.

My morning routine: to go to the middle of the woods and do some training. My father used to say fighting wasn't a girl thing, but I was no regular girl. And never in this life I'd allow someone to tell me what to do.

After running, climbing and doing a set of push-ups, it was time for combat training. Travelers from abroad taught me some different set of moves, I'd like to think I created my own fighting style. I was also very good with knifes, daggers or any kinds of short blades, they were useful during a close distance combat. My shooting was a work in progress, once or twice I'd miss the center of my handmade targets.

Then, like everyday, I'd go back home, shower and follow to my shift at the village's pub.

"Hiya, Leena," Gustav greeted me when I arrived. "I heard today is a special day... the day a little girl..."

"NO!" I stopped him. Gustav was my best friend. We had known each other since we were children and somehow, he liked to make my birthday a special - and embarrassing - event.

He placed a handmade fairytale-like book on the table. There were some edited pictures, mixed with some messed up drawings about my birth and childhood. He called it 'The Princess Who Carried The Light'.

"God, you're soooo stupid..." I rolled my eyes and moaned, before wrapping him into a very tight hug. "I love you, you know that?"

"I know. You'd probably marry me, if you weren't into girls."

We laughed together, as Olga, our boss emerged from the kitchen, bringing a cake with nineteen candles.

"Here's to another year," the older woman opened a wrinkled smile, "make a wish, my darling."

I fell pensive for a moment, besides having my twin brother back home, safe and sound, what else could I wish for? California, that scholarship, a new life... that's for sure.

"I wish for... a new life, a new adventure," I pronounced aloud while blowing the candles.

"Careful," a male voice spoke behind me, "words have power, little sister. You may get what you want."

"Ryk!"

I jumped straight to my brother's arms. I could swear that in only a few weeks he had gotten a little bit taller, and stronger too.

"I wouldn't miss my own birthday, right?" He smirked. "So, where's the cake? Please, chocolate... tell me it's chocolate."

"Your silly boy," Olga spread some icing on his nose. "Of course it's chocolate, as you love. And with cherries too."

Auryk responded with a satisfied smile. Olga and her husband, Kristoff, were those responsible for taking care of him after the Lycan attack, years ago. They sort of adopted him like one of their biological children.

"Oh!" The woman exclaimed taking a closer look at Ryk's forearm. He had gotten a tattoo. I hadn't been informed of those news either. Apparently, my brother had more secrets than I could even start to imagine. "This is... new. It seems like my kids are really growing up."

"And only now you noticed that, Olga?" Gustav joked.

Olga shook her head, grinning at herself and returned to the kitchen. The customers were starting to fill the pub. I stared at Ryk again, wondering what other secrets my brother could be keeping.

"So, what does that mean?" I pointed to his newly gotten tattoo, a strange and ancient symbol it seemed.

"Protection from the evil. This is what we need the most in our lives, especially in a place like this. What reminds me -" we turned around, taking a small box from the pocket of his jacket. "Your gift."

I took the black velvet box from his hands, it contained a golden necklace with a magenta gemstone as pendant. My blue eyes drowned themselves in the stone. It had a mysterious glow. Something hypnotizing. Something magical.

"Whoa..." was everything my mouth could pronounce. "And I bought you an Astronomy book."

Auryk stood up from his chair and went behind me, taking the necklace from my hands to wear it around my neck himself.

"This is supposed to protect you from any supernatural and inhumane beings. I won't lose you to them, Aleena. Not like I lost mom."

"Ryk, I... I can't even thank you enough."

"You don't have to. Just... stay alive."

First, I was overflowing with happiness. It either had to do with the fact my brother was home, alcohol, or both. Also, Olga should thank me. Most of the costumers of the day only stopped by the bar because of me. They absolutely loved me and knowing it was my birthday, they had to come and see me. A few of them even gave me some extra tips or a small gift, which was even greater.

"Okay, party girl..." Auryk helped me to get inside of the house as I tripped over the door mat. "Time to go to bed now. Don't you think?"

"Come on, Ryk! Have some spirit! You're home, Olga gave me the day off tomorrow, I earned some money..."

"You told Mrs. Hansen you secretly had a crush on her daughter during Middle School, you danced on top of a table, you're gonna get a hangover..."

"Party pooper!"

I threw myself at the couch. Auryk stood in front of me with arms crossed, looking like a father about to give his child a lecture.

"What?!" I yelled. "It's not like you've never been drunk before. Remember when you stole Adrian's..." I started to laugh, remembering the episode.

"When you were going to tell me about this, Leena?" He showed me the envelope. The Art Institute envelope. The one I had been struggling to open.

"Oh! I forgot. My bad, I didn't open it myself yet. I probably didn't get in anyways."

"You did."

I did?

"It's not like we have money to pay for my tuition. Also, how are we supposed to move to California, Ryk? I work at a pub and you..."

"I've gotten more than enough for that. You know that getting out of this place has always been the plan, since we were children. Leena, I've done some big jobs those last few months. I have the money to grant us a comfortable life in California."

"Smuggling, Ryk!" I raised my voice, saying aloud the information that was supposed to be a secret or not. "You've been stealing to grant us this life."

My brother stared at me in silence. I couldn't tell if he felt offended or embarrassed about my words.

"I'm getting out of here, whatever it takes," he ran a hand through his dark hair. "And you are coming with me. In two weeks, we move to United States for your enrollment."

"But..."

What I was trying to protest against? Leaving the village and starting a new life with my brother was everything I always dreamed.

"Look, I promise you," Auryk placed both of his firm hands on my shoulders, "once we settle down, no more smuggling."

"Okay," I sighed. "We leave in two weeks then."

There was a loud knock on the door. Being drunk as I was, I figured out I should have forgotten my purse at the pub. Or it could be a neighbor with some very stupid emergency.

Auryk opened the door and there was a strange looking man standing there. We wore sunglasses and a hat, behind his back he was carrying a giant hammer. According to the rumors and stories I heard from my parents, that was one of the Lords of The Four Houses, Karl Heisenberg.

"Auryk Novak?" He asked.

"Yes, sir."

"Come with me, kid. You've gotten yourself in big trouble."

#resident evil village #resident evil 8 #bela dimitrescu #lady dimitrescu #alcina dimitrescu #bela x oc #resident evil fanfiction #the devil in i

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masterprocrastiwriter · 2 years

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confessions in the meditation room.

ghostbur x reader au.

tw // mentions of mental health issues.

"Y/n, what do you like to eat?"

Y/n doesn't answer Wilbur. They remain silent, and it's been like that a few minutes ago.

Wilbur puts down the plate he was holding, and walks near to y/n. "Hey, you okay?" He asks.

Y/n looks up to him. Their eyes look lifeless—expression unpaintable. Or probably because it's blank. Not just blank.

They sigh deeply before answering. "I-I'm not...sorry," they mutter.

Wilbur nods and sits down a chair beside them. "Would you like to tell me whatever is bothering you?"

"Won't be something worth it to confess." Y/n responds.

"But...I might help you with that. You must be having problems lately—your constant state of bad moods says so."

Y/n fixes their seat and turns to Wilbur. "You know what?"

He raises both his eyebrows.

"Before this meditation room existed, I was mentally insane."

Y/n anticipates a reaction from him, but there was nothing. He doesn't look surprised.

They shake their head. "You know, when I was way younger, I used to be prone to anxiety. I used to be vulnerable in freaking out at almost every single thing that makes me uncomfortable, and I would avoid those things like, every single day. I once hope that I will ge through this—I did, though."

"And...is it hitting you again?"

"Probably returned..." Y/n trails off. "...returned to another form."

Wilbur remains silent as he waits for the next part of the confession, but at this moment, silence is the only thing he hears now. He feels nothing, but y/n is otherwise. They open their mouth to continue when a tight feeling on their chest appears out of nowhere.

Y/n takes deep breaths to get rid of the feeling away, but the tightness isn't letting them go. Wilbur notices a change in their expression and he starts to feel concerned. "Y/n, is there something wrong?"

"I need to breathe." Y/n says between their breaths. "Get me the inhaler."

"W-Where?"

"Near the sink!" The voice heightens and Wilbur walks quick towards the sink to find some the inhaler. However, he doesn't really know what an inhaler actually looks like.

He then hears a sudden sound of a hit table.

"What's taking you so long?" He turns to y/n, who's looking at him with a glare.

"U-Uhh..." He trails off and frantically looks around before quickly picking a what he thinks is an obscure-shaped object. "I found it!"

A split second, he realizes that the weird object is out of his hold and is now on y/n's hand gripped. Y/n sucks the air in the inhaler for a few times until their breathing pace eventually becomes normal. They then exhale deeply before looking at Wilbur's eyes.

They then shake their head. "I'm s-sorry, Wilbur, I can't tell you the whole story."

"W-Wait—" Wilbur says as they walk away towards the meditation room. "Y/n, hold on!" he says and follows them there.

Y/n is now sitting with almost the same blank face as Wilbur enters the room.

"What is going on? Why can't you tell me everything?"

"Do you think I'd just let it all out?" He gets startled by y/n's sudden loud voice.

Y/n then looks at him. "Wilbur, I have been facing this difficulty for a couple years, I don't want to be going on more years for this battle! My life has been affected by my ruminations, anxieties, and other certain fears that keep bugging me for almost a half decade! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK A STORY ABOUT HOW I WAS CRAZY THAT EASY TO TELL?!?!"

He stands there, mouth slightly agape. Words are snatched from his mouth and has nothing to say on how loud it is. Deep inside him, the emotions from that voice hits him like a hammer. The anger and sadness hits him sober—it's like he's back to life when he felt it.

Y/n takes a few deep breaths before sighing. "Look, I'm really sorry, okay? I didn't mean to freak you out like that."

"No, don't apologize." He immediately says. They look at him in confusion, "W-What?"

"You let it all out. You told me what happened." Wilbur pauses and speaks again, "And I don't think you should be embarrassed."

"I should be." They say. "Couldn't believe I'm confessing to a...a transparent being. But then again, I really apologize." Y/n sighs before looking away from him. "It's that, I've been through the same old things a lot of times now. I want to let go of all that."

"But you can."

"If only I moved on completely in the first place, maybe things wouldn't have happened like that." They chuckle humorlessly, "Isn't that crazy?"

"It's not at all." Y/n lazily looks at Wilbur, who's now sitting beside them again. "How so?" They ask with a raised eyebrow.

"I was the same as you when I was in that limbo months ago," he answers. "My sanity feels lost and I couldn't find where it is. My head would hurt sometimes, but if it does, it's always hard like I got hit by a ton of bricks."

"Pretty much like a hangover," they mutter. He nods, "Yes, I agree. But y/n..."

Wilbur then places his hand over y/n's. They look up at him, to his seemingly lifeless eyes. "Remember that you are not alone. Many people are probably battling with the same thing your facing with right now, at this moment. And while I am here, I will help you—the same way you help me."

Y/n's lips slowly form into a smile. "T-Thanks..." they trail off, and he opens his arms to welcome them in a hug. Y/n opens their arms as well and leans to hug him, but they only almost fall on the floor. They look at Wilbur, whose expression denotes awkwardness.

They shake their head with a sigh. "You really are a transparent being."

#ghostbur x reader #ghostbur x y/n #dsmp #ghostbur

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swordofpevensie · 3 years

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As I've seen it again, here are my favorite things about Prince Caspian (2008):

warnings: It is a very long post and I can't help but swear sometimes.

• How Caspian is confused all the time.

• Prefossor: “Don't use that until you really need to use it.”

Caspian: *Uses it the first time he is in danger.* Good job boy, good job.

• “Phyllis.” “SUSAN!” (Lucy does the same thing in tvodt *emotional voices*)

• That disappinted look in Susan's eyes when she sees Peter fighting, and they way she doesn't do anything to help him. Like girl they are beating your brother??

• Edmund comes and saves Peter by simply jumping on everyone who is trying to hurt Peter. We love a clever and quick boi™

• Lucy's little comfort to Peter. *sniffing*

• Peter's iconic hair, that rebel and sassy hair.

• “I'm not touching you!” “I'M NOT HOLDING YOUR HAND!”

• How happy they are at the beach and the way they finally can have pure fun. *more sniffing*

• Narnia is so beautiful in summer and Pevensies look so beautiful too.

• And for my own please, I'll mention how beautiful Peter looks when he is playing in the sea and walking among the ruins.

• The way Lucy holds Peter's hand to show him the way and THE TORCH SCENE GETS ME EVERYTIME.

• Everyone is like where the hell are we and Lucy is just enjoying her apple.

• And again for my own pleasure, I'll mention how beautiful Susan looks.

• “wHiCh cHeSs sEt?” “whOt?” We love a one confused king.

• That shot when they all stand in their places in the ruins and Peter says “Cair Paravel.” I'm like YES SIR I'M READY TO SACRIFICE MY WHOLE LIFE FOR YOU.

• I'm lowkey attracted to General Glozelle. (shameful sniffing)

• I like it that Edmund is the first one to figure out what might have happened to Cair Paravel. And our confused king is again like “whOt?”

• C'mon Peter is very committed to make a torch and it is SO CUTE. And Edmund watching him is so funny, he is like ‘I'm about to end this man's whole career.’

• I'll not tell my thoughts on the time Peter takes his sword. I'm trying to be a good. *choughs*

• Boom! “Drop him!” YOUR QUEEN IS BACK YOU IDIOTS! OOOH HOW I LOVE SUSAN.

• Peter jumping to the water and Lucy using his dagger to cut the ropes.

• “High King Peter, the Magnificent.” I mean if I were magnificent just like him, I'd tell it loud very frequently too.

• Edmund using sword... 10/10 His final pose 20/10. *chefs kiss and sniffing*

• “Or do I have to sit on your head again?” Narnians and humor? Count me in!

• Caspian's accent... YES SIR.

• “I'm Prince Caspian... The tenth.” and “High King Peter, The Magnificent.” are cousins and you can't tell me otherwise.

• “Running away.” Oh just come into my arms you sad and broken boi. *too many sniffings*

• Proffesor inside: Eheheh they are back. You are a dead man now Miraz.

• That underwater shot... 10/10. Peter paddling... 10/10. All of them sitting in silent, sadly... Okay this one hurts A LOT.

• “We didn't mean to leave you know.” *no more sniffing i'm crying*

• Lucy greeting and trusting in a bear is me vs. life. Susan saying a bear to stay away from Lucy is me vs. life again.

• Peter helping Lucy to stand up and her hugging Peter for comfort.

• And that bear scene is very clever to me. It shows that those bad times have an effect on everyone. How even Narnians, kind, gentle, happy Narnians turned into wild creatures because of bad times. Also Susan not killing the bear immediately shows how gentle she is and she always gives a chance.

• “I can hear you.” We love a done™ prince. And him asking questions about Narnia is so cute!

• That zoom to Caspian's face is kiLLING ME.

• AND REEPICHEEP I'd kill and die for him unless he kills and dies for me first.

• CENTAURS ARE BACK!!! Oh I love them so much.

• “You can't carry a map in your heads.” “That's because we have something in them.” LUCY DIDN'T STUTTER.

• “i'M nOt lOst.” My baby tries so hard I love him bye.

• “OH SHUT UP!” is one of my favorite Peter lines. Also he is very sassy and why is no one talking about it?? (I'll talk about it later btw, eheh)

• IF SOMEONE BELIEVED AND LISTENED TO LUCY THE FIRST TIME SHE SPEAKS, THINGS WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER AND EASIER FOR ASLAN'S SAKE.

• And Edmund supporting Lucy? We love a supportive and cute brother.

• Caspian is so brave and the speech he gives... *CHEFS KISS* I mean I would fight and die for him too. And when Narnians believe in him, I cry even more. (++Ben Barnes' voice in that accent... Gets me every freaking time).

• The look in Peter's face when he sees the making of the bridge. He is like “Not my kingdom, you bitches!”

• The conversaion between Lucy and Susan... I hate to think their struggles, adjusting to Narnia, adjusting to England.

• Lucy telling a tree to wake up is me vs. life, again.

• The way Peter just comes and hides her out of nowhere... WE LOVE A PROTECTIVE BROTHER.

• When Caspian and Peter fights... Okay, for your safety I'll shut up but the way Peter is ready to hit him with a rock is both funny and shows how a quick and smart fighter he is.

• “PETAH!” Okay Susan, we get it honey.

• “Well if you like, we can come back in a few years.” LIKE WHY IS NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT HIS SASS??

• “You were right to fear the woods.” IS. EXCELLENT.

• Caspian and Peter walking in the front and talking casually. My heart goes *butterlifes* *looove*

• When the papa centaur rises baby centaur's sword... *a loud sniff* .

• I love that there are pictures of Pevensies and Golden Age on the walls. It makes me feel so majestic.

• Caspian: *dramatically lights fire*

• They are looking at The Stone Table and Caspian in the back is like look at the mess you made.

• When Peter and Caspian talk at the same time.

• “There is always a first time.” THAT. SASS. AND CONFIDENCE.

• “We could collect nuts!” “Yes, and throw them at Telmarines!” Reepicheep... Love you babe.

• Okay the whole castle stuff is so freaking cool until the last minutes. Like Edmund and his torch, Susan and THE WAY HE KILLS A MAN BY THROWING AN ARROW.

• But... Caspian babe, kill your bastard uncle anyways.

• And it just should be said: I love how Narnians are always ready to sacrifice themselves because freedom is much more important than their lives. They are not afraid of death as long as it means to get freedom back.

• That poor cat... I don't know what to say.

• You are attacking a castle and your baby Caspian just casually knocks the window.

• Professor doing his best to help Caspian escape and then seeing him back in the castle again... I mean a disappointment level I can relate.

• I wish I could be woken up at night by Caspian, with a sword on my throat? Depends on my mood.

• Miraz being so done is a mood.

• They all are in Miraz's bedroom like:

• Edmund literally headbutts a man wearing a metal helmet. I am speechless.

• You don't have sword? Don't worry you have a torch... just don't break it.

• Reepicheep and his friends pushing that thing makes me cry and scream.

• “Who exactly are you doing this for Peter?” THE LOOK ON PETER'S FACE.

• When Peter screams “FOR NARNIA!”

• My Queen Susan throwing an arrow to man and killing him despite his armour. I. LOVE. ONE. POWERFUL. QUEEN.

• Sometimes I wish I was an minatour.

• Edmund kicking that dude's head by sliding. A simple and powerful move.

• OKAY SO MIRAZ PUSHING THIS MINATOUR IS VERY PERSONAL TO ME. AND I AM VERY PISSED OF.

• And that minatour holding the door. I love you, you strong and scary baby. And I always will.

• When Edmund casually jumps back, I hear Blow Your Mind by Dua Lipa playing.

• That moment when other Narnians are trapped inside and Peter and Susan watch them... MY BABY PETER HAVE HAD ENOUGH PLEASE LET HIM REST. And Edmund seeing the dead bodies...

• That agressive “HEY!” from Caspian and the way Peter and him just scream at each other, idk what to say but it is sort of funny.

• When mama centaur cries, you know I'm dead on the floor.

• King Miraz getting on his throne... Sassy and majestic af. He is a psycho but you know he has taste.

• “What do you want? Congratulations?” Okay Caspian put that sarcasm down babe.

• When my mom watched the scene where The White Witch sort of comes back for the first time, she was like “Not that bitch witch again.”

• The way Peter pushes Caspian is skcjskfsj MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY

• And Edmund killing the wolfish thing is so cool, he is a very talented warrior. Also him stabbing Jadis, he gives like zero fucks.

• And when the ice is broken, they see Aslan on the wall and it is such a strong scene!!

• Can someone please explain me why Miraz and his men wear those freaking helmets?

• “And she won't be alone.” WE. LOVE. ONE. SUPPORTIVE. AND PROTECTIVE. SISTER.

• No, Caspian you may not, no matter how hot you say Miraz.

• Edmund in Miraz's place... Just perfect. That sass, that confidence, that intelligence. THAT look on his face.

• “Your brother's sword is sharper than his pen.” It is an adage in Turkish btw: “A pen is sharper than a sword.”

• “Or hooves.” Lucy, was that joke really necessary honey?

• THE LOVE OF MY LOVE AND MY ONE TRUE LOVE PETER SAYING “WELL, FEEL FREE.” AND “JUST. ONE.” WITH A BRAVE LOOK ON HIS FACE IS THE CAUSE OF MY DEATH.

• Queen Susan standing on her own, holding her bow to hunt men... YES. QUEEN.

• Proud brother™ Edmund.

• The way Peter snarls at Miraz. I mean I WOULD SURRENDER TO HIM.

• AND MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION FOR PRAISING WILLIAM'S ACTING? He fights amazing and his expressions are both beautiful and real. He makes you feel what Peter feels. I just love the way he portrays Peter.

• “Keep smiling.” King Edmund just knows things.

• And the way he just doesn't listen Peter and fixes his arm... 10/10

• When he hits Miraz's wound. He is a smart fighter, and I'll not even bring up how he stabs Miraz.

• “It's not mine to take.” Me inside: *MINE IS YOURS TO TAKE.*

• Caspian just stop screaming and kill this bitch for Aslan's sake.

• “Not one like you.” WITH TEARS ON HIS BEAUTIFUL BLACK EYES. I HATE HIM SOMETIMES.

• Although I hate that they have to fight again, what the Lord did was really smart, I have to admit.

• Have I told you that I hate that ball-throwing-machines?

• Queen Susan telling archers to get ready and Prince Caspian telling “Narnians, attack!” while riding his horse. ALSO WHAT THEY DID WAS SO CLEVER. PETER COUNTING WITH THAT BRAVE FACE.

• My baby Peter fighting again. And Caspian coming out of the underground. *CHEFS KISSES*

• KING EDMUND RIDING A HORSE AND ARROWING PEOPLE?? MORE CHEFS KISSES.

• Reepicheep's tiny armour OMG

• I HATE THAT BALL-THROWING-MACHINES.

• When they all run again (Not to mention Peter has to attack and fight like for like the hundredth time) THEY LOOK FREAKING GOOD AND MAJESTIC AND KING EDMUND CUTTING MEN IS PER.FECT.

• I AM IN STRONG NEED OF HUGHING AN ASLAN.

• THE TREES ARE COMING BACK HELL FREAKING YESSS!!!

• Queen Susan killing with this bows and arrow is just perfect. I love her. Like so much.

• Ooh there is shield wall? Don't worry Narnians will jump on it.

• Peter proudly saying “Lucy,” and looking at Caspian like “Hehe did you expect that?”

• And my baby yells “For Aslan!” and goes to fight. AGAIN.

• Lucy and her dagger? FREAKING DANGEROUS. RUN AWAY.

• Welcome water grandpa, you are very cute!!!

• Aslan is like hehe this is my friend. He is very proud of his friend.

• The guilt on their faces when they see Aslan is so cute.

• “All of you.” SHUT UP YOU MADE ME CRY AGAIN.

• OH AND REEPICHEEP. PLEASE I LOVE HIM SOOO MUCH. HE'S HAD ENOUGH.

• Aslan calling him “Small one.” awWWW

• “Do you see him now?” QUEEN LUCY NEVER STUTTERS.

• Okay but the way they all look perfect during the parade. Caspian's crown and Susan's dress are my favs.

• AND THAT LOOK ON SUSAN'S FACE. IT KILLS ME.

• What the hell is Caspian wearing when Telmars go back?

• There is a talking lion in front of them and Telmarines still are amazed by a turning tree.

• Peter looks so good in blue and him giving his sword to Caspian is awwww again.

• Peter and Susan are the ones who'll not come back again and they both wear blue while Lucy and Ed wears green.

• Peter shaking hands with the centaur is an another awwww.

• The kiss makes me feel weird but I'm alright with that.

• “I'm 1300 years older than you.” is CUTE TO ME.

• Peter's proud brother smile. 10/10

• The way Lucy looks back at Aslan breaks my heart.

• THE ENDING KILLS ME. DESTROYS ME. VANISHES MY EXISTENCE. THAT LION ROAR. THAT SONG. OH HOW I LOVE THIS MOVIE AND NARNIA MOVIES... I AM CRYING AGAIN.

oooh okay, thank you for sharing this emotional roller-coaster with me. i hope you enjoy it.

love, andrea.♡

#narnia #the chronicles of narnia #peter pevensie #edmund pevensie #lucy pevensie #susan pevensie #peterpevensie #edmundpevensie #lucypevensie #susanpevensie #high king peter the magnificent #king edmund the just #queen lucy the valiant #queen susan the gentle #prince caspian #princecaspian #caspian #caspian the tenth #prince caspian movie

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iammarylastar · 3 years

Text

9. FAREWELL

"So, you're leaving without saying goodbye?"

She said, her voice like a ghost.

Shit.

Cal leaned his hand on the door frame, his forehead followed and he closed his eyes. He could feel Jess trembling behind his back, he could foresee her face soaked in tears, her sobs stuck in her chest.

Shit.

Leaving her was the hardest thing he had ever done, he doubted he could gather the strength to walk out the door, but now she was awake, crying, he knew it would be impossible.

Yet, he had to.

"Chris?" She begged.

He had planned everything, every little detail, like he already had, to break Oyster out.

He got all his stuff ready: a car fueled up, the maps with all the secondary roads highlighted, 4 different options to cross the Canadian border. His backpack, enough military rations to survive for 2 weeks, in case he'd have to ditch the car and cover the distance by foot. A compass. An extra pair of trekking shoes, just in case. Water. Lighter. Headlamp. Emergency kit. US dollars. Canadian dollars.

No phone.

No pics, not even one of Jessica. He wouldn't risk to get caught and have her involved. Beside it would be too painful to look at her beautiful face. Dealing with her memory would be hard enough.

But he had no choice. More than 3 years he hadn't see his brother. 3 fucking long years he hadn't heard his voice. Teddy, his little brother, the reason he had kept living after their mom died, the one he had fought for. And kept fighting for.

He'd all planned in his head, playing every scenario again and again at night, all those sleepless nights, Jess cuddled against his chest. Looking blankly at the ceiling, on the hunt for what could happen, what could turn wrong, and come what may: keep walking.

Until he reaches Lac-Sainte-Marie, Quebec, 260 miles from here. Until he meets his brother again.

"Chris!" She yelped, like she was drowning.

For a millisecond, he thought he could just give up: forget his little ass of a brother, forget his oath to his mother, forget his responsibilities, drop on his knees and beg Jess to marry him, give her 3 kids, get a pet and live happily ever after. Why not? He deserved a little of happiness, didn't he?

"What is happening?" she whispered, her voice torn by sobs, like stabs in his back.

What the fuck was happening, good question. He was happening. That fucking deceiving Cal was freaking out and ruining everything again. Like it was meant to be.

Like he was meant to screw up every chance of happiness.

"I have to see him. Jess, he got back in touch with me. Those postcards. There must be a reason." He said under his breath, not daring to glance at her.

"Chris, you're still in probation! A single step out of the State and you're in parole violation! You're going to get caught and thrown into jail again!" She knew this argument wouldn't work with him, but she was a lawyer, well almost, she had to plead for her case.

"I know..." Chris whispered. The next words would be excruciating to pronounce.

"That's why I won't come back..."

"Noooo!" She totally broke down.

As he listened to her heart shattering into pieces, taking his own heart down, he couldn't help thinking about time.

It took her days to tame his fears, weeks to heal him for his trauma, months to forge deep, trustful ties between their hearts.

Ties they both thought were unbreakable.

And as it took a heartbeat to fall in love with her, he'd been quick to break her heart.

Now he was running out of time. With her. For Oyster. Fuck.

"At least wait for your probation period to be over! You'll be a free man and you could go wherever you want!" She begged.

Like he didn't know. Like he hadn't spent the last days counting how many days it would take to be reunited. Like he hadn't thought of it from top to bottom. Like he hadn't been obsessed and torn about that fucking choice he had to make.

"Three more years! Jess, I can't leave him alone for 3 more fucking years! He needs me!" He let his anger flow out of his chest.

"What about me????" She thundered, gripping her nightie where her heart ached, then pointing a furious index finger out.

"He's not a kid anymore! He made his choice! You don't owe him anything anymore! When are you going to start thinking about yourself? About us?"

Touché.

Cal wavered at her words. The more she spoke, the more his determination weakened. He had no choice but cling to his same old song.

"I'm his legal guardian, I promised mom I'd take care of him. I can't break my oath. Not again..."

It would have been easier if Chris was the selfish type. But he didn't choose Marine corps and law enforcement by mistake. He was a man of principle, loyal, honest, trustful. A man with Semper Fidelis inked in his flesh forever.

"Chris!!" Jess was burning with rage and desperation. She was fed up with his sempiternal lame excuses.

She would have slapped his face full force if she could have moved, again and again until he got it, but violence never fixed anything, she was dead certain of this.

Chris’ childhood to adulthood, his former job in the Marine corps, his time in jail, his whole damn life had been nothing but violence, he deserved better from her.

She breathed in and out slowly to calm her nerves down and regain control of her thoughts.

Give him what he needs, that's the only way...

"You're strong Chris. You're a good man! Why can't you see it?"

Cal shook his head, tears threatening again behind his lids.

"I failed. I failed to keep my mom alive. I failed to protect my brother. To serve my country... To make you happy. I don't deserve you..."

"When are you going to stop punishing yourself for things, you're not responsible for? Jesus, your mom died, who's to blame? Not you! You struggled to provide for your brother though you were barely an adult, Chris, you did your best! Oyster made some bad choices, his choices, he fucked up but it was not your fault!"

Gone his sweetheart of a girlfriend, he was facing a new, fierce, unstoppable soldier ready for anything for her love.

Anything. Maybe, even ready to throw everything away for him.

Cal slowly extended his hand to a trembling Jess. This gesture was a dangerous step back, he had promised himself not to touch her, not to smell her nor to get too close. No way he could leave this place without her if their hands were linked.

Jess nearly jumped forward to take it, intertwined her fingers so tightly with his, their knuckles turned white. She closed her other hand over their clasped ones, then pulled them against her cheek, nuzzling against the slightest piece of his skin she could.

The contact of her skin against his made him jolt. His plea slipped through his lips before his brain realized their impact.

"Come with me. I hate to put that on you but... Jess, come with me. I don't want to lose you..."

His words were like slaps in her face. Her jaw dropped down and the look she threw at him slapped him back.

Shit.

She thought she had won. She thought he had heard her words. She thought he would stay. Why would he have offered his hand otherwise?

"Wh..? But... Cal, what are you doing?"

"Come with me Jessica. Let's start a new life in Canada. I love you. I love you!"

His turn to wrap his hand around hers and pull her closer, so his gaze pierced hers, his taut body hovering over her. This could fix everything.

Say yes! Say yes! Say yes!!

Jessica froze in shock, her pupils widened. She would have left all she had behind to follow him. The solution was easy: just go with him!

Just go with him, and become an outlaw. Say goodbye to your family, your career, your dreams, your life. On the run forever with the man she loved. With no future but hiding and lying.

"And you saved your first 'I love you' for the day you leave me..." Jess whispered under her breath, defeated. He killed her hope the second before, and kept doing an excellent job to trample on her heart.

Her whole body slumped down; Cal had to tighten his grip on her hands to get her upright.

Her pale complexion and her trembling voice made her look like a ghost.

"No. I can't. You can't... do that. You can't drag me into a runaway and make me a fugitive. I... I'm... My family is here, my career is here, my life is here... with you!

If you really love me, STAY!"

Chris wobbled, his knees weak under him. She was right, he knew it. He was wrong, doing all wrong, as he always had done. Jessica saw her chance in his hesitation, and played her last card. Faithfulness, Chris' obsession.

"That's not what you promised me. Chris, you promised me..." she burst into tears again, clinging onto him like he was a lifeline. Their love was like the Titanic, they thought it beautiful and in submersible, but it was irremediably sinking in the middle of nowhere and will end up broken shipwreck.

Hold on Rose, you have a chance.

Sorry Jack, you're screwed.

Shit.

He promised her, that day he talked his heart out, in the wee hours of a beautiful day, lying in bed, slowly brushing her delicate face with his fingertips. That day he told her about his plans for the future, their future. Openly daydreaming of his will to marry her, build her a house, have kids with her, three he said, if she agreed. Plus, a dog. One day, he promised, when she would graduate and he would have a better job.

He solemnly promised her to make her happy, happy ever after.

"You deserve to be happy, Chris. We've been so happy together. For fuck sake, why couldn't we just be happy?"

Because happiness is not meant for me.

"Jess, I miss him so much... I have no choice."

"There's always a choice... Let me help!" She begged a last time, squeezing his hands even tightly.

Chris closed his eyes, his sigh shaky through his tight throat. Just do it. Say it.

Now.

"No. Not this time... Let me go, Jess, please..." Chris grudgingly untied their fingers but Jess kept gripping at him, his wrists, his arms, his hoodie. He patiently unhooked each of her attempt, gently but firmly holding her wrists together.

It was so hard, Jesus, to see her face, desperate and drowned in tears, to hear a plea, to hurt her so deeply. But it had to be done. Like ripping off a band-aid. Just do it.

"No, no, no, no, Chris, please, nooo!" She begged, she would have given anything, everything to have him think, find another way, change his fucking mind. To have him stay. Choose her.

All her expectations vanished when Cal took her hands in his large palms, bent to kiss them but just leant his forehead on them, shaken by both their sobs and cries. He knew he couldn't leave if his lips touched her skin again. She knew it too.

Slowly, too slowly, he extended his arms until her fists laid on her chest, her fingers writhing in pain, and stepped back. Unable to look a last time in her eyes, Cal turned his heels and grabbed the doorknob.

"What if I'm pregnant?"

He froze, like punched in his guts.

"What?" His world collapsed. He had all the scenarios figured out, even the worst, but not this one.

He had made love to her earlier that night, knowing it'd be the last time. He made it last long, savoring each second with her, kissing each piece of her body, learning each of her curves by heart with his fingertips. He made it sensual, passionate, beautiful. He had given her all, all of him.

He had laid on his back for hours, his love cuddled on his side, her arms around his chest, like to keep him from running away. Like she felt it.

He had stayed like this forever, staring at the ceiling, listening to her deep breathing, feeling her, smelling her, until he was drunk from her.

"I said, what if I'm pregnant." She stated again, interrupting his thoughts.

"Are you?" He blankly asked.

She might be. From tonight.

She could be. They've been careless for a couple of weeks, their desire so strong they skipped to put a condom on. They both silently agreed, since they had a talk about it: they wanted to spend their lives together and grow a family, one day or another...

Jess had tried the pill, but it hadn't fit her. She tried 3 different brands but every time something went wrong. Cal hated seeing her with cramps or moody and IUD was a big no no due to her young age, so he decided to take the responsibility of the birth control, and simply pulled out at the right time.

Which was, according to Jess, like a firework without the final. Several times, half of the time in fact, she trapped Cal between her legs so he came inside of her. She found it so sexy and powerful.

Sexy but likely give rise to a baby.

Their baby. His.

"You won't stay for me. Would you stay for your child?"

Bitch. She knew how push his button, where it hurt the most. Given what he was doing to her, it was fair.

His guts twisted painfully and nausea invaded his throat at the thought. His deepest nightmare resurfaced: a kid with no father to take care of them, ruffle their hair, tickle them until they're breathless from laughing, play football with them, hug them tight when they're scared or sad. A kid with no dad to love them. A kid like he'd been, grown up before his childhood even had started.

A missing father. That was what he would become if he left now. The worst of the worst. A man he promised himself to never be. Fucking never hurt someone like he'd been hurt.

He unsuccessfully was trying to clear his mind from sadness and anger to redo his math and remember when was her last period. Calculate the odds of a pregnancy. Rate his chance to stay.

Zero.

He sucked. He wasn’t worth anything.

Maybe living was the best he could do to save this child from himself. He was no better father than his own, unable to make a good decision.

Chris dropped his head, his hands tightened in fists, his eyes closed in a frown. He stopped breathing for a long time, until he made his decision.

"I'm sorry." He muttered, grabbing the doorknob.

That was it. She couldn't go, he couldn't stay. I guess that's just the way the story goes.

Such a waste.

Chris pushed the door open, wiped his tears with his sleeve and walked out, without a last glance at her.

#jai courtney #semper fi #fanfiction

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acruska · 3 years

Text

The huge problem I have with Ku'damm - a few words about depiction of rape

Since I’m living in Germany now, I’m trying to watch as much as possible in German. Shows, movies, romance, sci-fi, I watch it all. After all, that was how I learned most of my English.

I started watching a German show titled Ku’damm 56 on Netflix expecting it to be more or less a Dirty Dancing redo. A girl from a good family is fighting with a very proper mother and doing lots of improper dancing. That melody has been played before, but it's fun, so why not? Generally, I enjoy the show, watched all three seasons in less than a week, and cried like a baby throughout the last episode. I’ll probably share at some point all the things I love about it, but that’s a different post.

What I have a HUGE problem with, is the depiction of violence in the show, especially sexual violence and violence against women. Most of all, Ku'damm 56 is romanticizing rape. I believe that to be a pretty serious issue for an award-winning show produced by public TV.

This post will mention rape a lot and contain spoilers, so read at your own risk.

Ku'damm is narrated mostly from a female point of few, following the lives of three sisters, who are in dire need of a husband (at least according to their mother). The very premise of the show is that the 50's were a man's world where even a flawed husband was better than no husband. Because of the time the show is set in, violence against women and diffent kinds of discrimination are more or less accepted as period-appropriate and just the way things used to be. Hence, each of the husbands the three sisters end up marrying is occasionally violent, and only in one case it becomes a major plot-point. The protagonist, Monika Schöllack, is portrayed as a (growingly) strong woman, who is independent and breaks social norms and who would marry only for the deepest love. And yet her marriage is the most problematic of them all.

To put it plainly, her husband and love, Joachim Franck, is a rapist. He rapes Monika in the first half of the first episode and then victim-blames her for it, which leads to a suicide attempt (BTW, the writers also have an unhealthy relationship with suicide). And it's never mentioned afterwards and actually turns up to be the beginning of a romantic relationship that lasts throught the series and is shown as the only happy and loving marriage of a Schöllack sister.

No woman wants it. So? They all do it.

The rape scene looks like the writers were not quite certain what consitutes rape, so they pulled all the stops, just to be sure. Monika is sober and proper, says "no" loudly and clearly and tries to fight him. The situation is pretty straight-forward, but Joachim tells her that no woman wants it and all do it anyway - and procedes to do what he wants. He will later say that she asked for it, and her own mother will accept that explanation based on her earlier inappropriate behaviour.

Your daughter downright propositioned me.

In the later part of the episode we observe a wide collection of victimizing behaviors, including victim-blaming and forcing a clearly scared victim to go out with her rapist in order to orchestrate a marriage between them. Monika, who already has poor self-esteem and is bullied by her mother, attempts suicide. In the end, the traumatic experience starts her on the way towards self-acceptance and finding her inner strength.

Somehow in this turbulent aftermath it becomes clear that Joachim is going to be her love interest. He refuses to have sex with another woman (by leaving her alone in the middle of nowhere, like that's okay), admits that what happened with Monika may not have been consensual (by calling it a misunderstanding!) and all is forgiven.

About this story at the wedding... It is completely within the realm of the possiblity, that there really was a misunderstanding.

From then the show plays on a standard romantic sequence: they don't like each other - he thinks of her but she can't stand him - she starts to like him too - the are broken up by circumstances - they come together and live happily ever after (or not). This is a great recipe for a romantic story - when it's not based on sexual assault. What the creators completely miss is that Joachim raping Monika is not comparabale to Mr Darcy calling Elizabeth Bennet "barely tolerable". The gravity is just different.

The problem is, Joachim is written as a likable character. He's portrayed as a good and generous man, who tries to save the world by getting his company out of arms production (I'm looking at you, Tony). Not to mention the gift to humanity that is the lanky form and beautiful face of Sabin Tambrea.

I must admit I really like Joachim Franck of Ku'damm '59 and '63. I used to consider this whole rape sub-plot completely out-of-character for him, which is why I allowed myself to like him later on. After the third season, it all makes so much more sense. Still, that is not the last time he's violent and there is no excuse for rape.

I'd forgive those cheeckbones a lot, but maybe not rape.

According to Wikipedia, the editor-in-chief of the public TV station ZDF, which produced the show, stated: "With Ku’damm 56 we continue our tradition of narrating history in a contemporary way. […] Ku’damm 56 shows women on their path to self-determined sexuality and equal rights."

What the show really does is romanticize rape. In the character of Joachim Franck it gives us a somewhat remorseful rapist, who is otherwise a good guy. It expects us to like him and to believe in the love he shares with his victim and our protagonist, the strong girl who literally writes songs titled "Standing Tall" and "Strong Woman", as if the show was worried we wouldn't get it. The audience is asked to completely forget the rape and accept that the guilt and the fear is how a beautiful love is born.

What I find shocking is that audience did exactly that. Ku'damm '56 is critically acclaimed, it won German Television Award for best writing and was nominated for best miniseries. I found exactly one article and one tumblr post about the rape issue, and the latter was trying to justify rape romanticization with character development. Maybe there's more discussion on the German-language web (which would make sense, since I have no idea if Ku'damm is even available with English subtitles). I just wish we didn't need to have this kind of discussion about shows produced in the last decade, especially the ones centered on female-empowerement.

#ku'damm 56 #ku'damm 59 #ku'damm 63 #Joachim Franck #ku'damm filme #triggering themes #mentions of rape #meta #wandering thought of a wandering mind #issues i have a problem with #rant #I'm happy to start a discussion

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theramseyloft · 4 years

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You probably already get this question alot, but could I have some care tips (Cage requirements, food, basic care) and anything that might repel me from them? (Especially for a racing Homer - which is what I'm assuming they have here since pigeon racing is quite a big industry in my country) (I'd love to adopt but sadly that's not an option here since there's barely even dog rescues here) Thanks so much in advance!

I’ll start with what might repel you, starting with things inherent to the species, and then to potential effects of their personal history.

First thing’s first; DUST!!!

If you, or any one in your house hold, has dust related allergies or any respiratory issues at all, pigeons are not the pet for you.

They are dust monsters! For their size, the Columbidae produce more dust that any other domestic bird.

It is also a much finer dust. It floats in the air like thin smoke and takes a long time to settle, so you will breathe more of it with a group of pet pigeons than you would with parrots, chickens, quail, or song birds.

Definitely more than any mammalian dander that I know of.

Pigeons are only really territorial over what they consider a nest space. Away from their nests, they are social and quite friendly, but the fiercely defend their nest from all comers.

If they are in a loft, or have free flight of a room, that aggression is constrained to the actual nest itself and anything with in about half a body length from the lip of it.

But if they are in a cage, the entire cage is space that they feel a powerful instinctive drive to defend.

Any uninvited entry is seen as an intrusion either by a predator or a rival, so I usually advise people not to attempt to physically interact at all with the pigeon in their cage.

Talking to the birds is fine, but all physical intrusion is seen as aggression that they have to defend against.

So, when you want to begin physically interacting with them, it’s best to invite them out into your room in the evening.

I’ll go into coop and home interaction training after the basic housing part.

Unless they are out of a sex linked pair, or you get them as fully mature adults, pigeons are absolute hell to sex.

Homers do become dimorphic as they age.

Karen is an adult racing homer cock.

Bird-bird is an adult hen of the same breed.

Look at Karen’s wattle (The thick skin above his nasal slits, at the base of his beak)

Now look at Bird-Bird’s.

His wattle is much bigger and more intricately developed than hers.

Her face is much finer featured than his.

He stands more upright.

She stands more horizontal.

But as peeps, they are nearly impossible to differentiate.

This is important, because the social behavior of cocks and hens and how it translates to humans tends to be VERY different.

Hens are VERY cuddly! Even into adulthood.

But adult cocks are platonically touch repulsed.

A flock mate is likely to make physical contact with a cock for one of two reasons: Another cock starting a fight, or a hen asking for sex.

They even make friends with flock mates through combat.

Until it sinks in otherwise, all attempts at physical contact with a cock is perceived as a challenge to a fight.

Non-aggressive contact with a cock is seen as an invitation for him to be your mate, and cock love is VERY pinchy!

Pigeon courtship consists of a three part ritual called Driving.

In the Chase trial, A cock will harass and bite a hen until she flees. If she was interested first, she’ll flirt to get his attention, and then fly off.

He HAS to chase her, keep up with her, and out maneuver her, all while herding her towards his nest so that she dives in when she’s too exhausted to continue to fly.

If he cannot out maneuver her, fly faster, and stay in the air longer than her, then her peeps will be more likely than her to be caught and eaten by a predator, and she will refuse that cock the opportunity to fill her eggs.

After she inspects the nest and has rested, she will try to leave. The second courtship trial revolves around blocking her exit and physically wrestling her back in until she is too exhausted to keep fighting him.

If he cannot block the generally smaller, weaker hen from leaving and fight her to a stand still, then he can’t hope to block another cock trying to force his way in, throw him out if he manages to pop in by surprise, or keep fighting him until he gives up.

Only after proving his stamina and strength to the Hen directly may he offer her a sample of the contents of his crop.

This is the sweet kissing part of courtship, after which they preen and cuddle and he’s allowed to step up onto her back and tread her.

This translates very poorly with a human partner, and if you have a cock as a companion, you have to be ok with a LOT of love bites before you can get to the soft cuddly part of the relationship.

Suddenly running up to you and biting out of nowhere is NOT aggression. They give LOTS of warning when they are upset.

Running up to attack you out of nowhere is a misguided attempt to begin Driving you, and he will go WAY over the top with it, because he is trying to impress a COLOSSUS with his physical strength, stamina, and tenacity.

You can understand how this could translate poorly to a human partner!

There are ways to respond to minimize the bitey bit, but we’ll get to those in another ask. This one is going to be VERY long as is.

Now, what we have just discussed is base line pigeon, with no outside components making anything more difficult.

Racers old enough to fly have been through daily training tosses; where they are grabbed, put in a basket, and released every day at increasing distances from the loft.

The best case scenario is a strong fear of hands from being grabbed and stuffed into the basket and occasionally restrained and injected with a vaccine.

The luckiest individuals have only had to navigate for miles every day to return to safety, food, and family.

Racing birds can also have to dodge hawks, or fly through inclement weather during training flights.

Some can even make it home severely injured.

Understandably, adult racers of either sex will need to be patiently worked through a STRONGLY reinforced fear of hands.

We have lots of posts discussing how to work with fearful pigeons, and I’ll be happy to go into it again in more detail, but that’s another for a different post.

Basics of care for pigeons are very simple.

They are strict granivores. Seeds are all they can digest, but they can eat a very wide variety of seeds. The more variation, the better.

Pigeons do not hull their seeds. They swallow them whole, and depend on the hulls as vital dietary fiber, so don’t give them seed that is already hulled.

Their diet should involve as much variety of seed, grains, and legumes as you can get your hands on, the size of an unpopped kernel of popcorn or smaller (Most breeds can;t swallow seeds much bigger than that) with some source of calcium available.

You can have a separate dish of oyster shell, or you can sprinkle powder in a single birds daily meal, or add liquid calcium to their water dish.

NOT all of those at once! Calcium can be overdosed!

Which ever method works most easily for you and your bird.

Pigeons are intensely social birds that get most of their enrichment from interaction.

They are happiest as free roaming house pets, like a cat or dog, that can come see you or go do their own thing as they choose.

Pigeons are smart enough to learn house rules.

Understandably, that is not an option for every one, and free roaming unsupervised before they learn the house rules can be dangerous.

If you cannot let the bird free roam their own room, you can easily modify a dog crate to house them comfortably.

They need square perches. Because they are cliff nesters, round perches put painful pressure on the ball of their feet, making walking painful.

I like to cut garden stakes to length and wire them into place.

A corner bunny litter pan is a decent nest box, but not necessary. They will nest just as happily in a cheap dog food dish.

Pigeons are ground foragers, so they prefer a shallow dish of food on the floor of their enclosure.

Ideally, the modified crate cage for the pigeon should be used like it would be for a pet dog; That is not where the animal lives full time. That is where it sleeps at night or hangs out when you aren’t home to supervise it, until it learns the house rules.

Toys are very simple, because their interaction tools are very limited.

Pigeons can recognize themselves in mirrors and love to play with them.

They enjoy bathing in a dish of water about hip-deep.

They can have sand or straw filled forage boxes to hunt for treats like safflower seeds in.

Stick-shaped, Shiny, and Jingly is their holy trinity of toy characteristics.

q-tips with the cotton tips cut off, tooth picks with the points clipped, wicker kitty balls with jingle bells inside, bread ties with jingle bells that are too big to accidentally swallow twisted to either side, or made into a jingly ring, are all cheap, simple toys that a single pet bird will have fun playing with.

I mentioned coop training earlier, and it’s super simple.

Starting in the evening, open the door to the cage and invite the bird out.

Don’t hang around waiting for it to come. Go settle in to do something quiet and sedentary, like reading a book or surfing the net.

Pigeons are naturally curious, and the best way to work then through the fear of people they may have developed is to be as nonthreatening as possible and reward their curiosity.

Talk to them to desensitize them to your voice and start teaching them how you communicate.

They will eventually grow brave enough to come explore you yourself.

A quiet, pleased greeting will reward them by not startling them.

Have safflower seeds available, but don’t try to reach out to give it to the birds.

Let them discover that you have them, and be still and non-reactive when they take some. Offer verbal praise, but don’t start trying to move until they ease away from automatic flightiness.

I specify beginning this process in the evening because trying to get a bird back into the crate before it trusts you is very difficult and your best bet to avoid making it afraid of you despite your friend-making efforts is to avoid having to chase it back into its pen at the end of flight time.

Starting these in the evening allows you the option to avoid chasing entirely just by turning off the lights.

At the end of out time, give a verbal warning like “Lights out” or “Bed Time”, and then wait a minute or two before actually turning off the light.

Pick the bird up in the dark, and return it gently to its enclosure.

It will begin to associate the “Lights out” or “Bed time” warning with the lights going out, and eventually learn to fly back to the pen in the space of time before the lights actually go out.

That’s about the skin and bone basics of care.

Please, by all means, send more asks for more information on any aspect or detail of pet pigeon keeping.

I am always happy to answer. ^v^

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masked-buffoon · 3 years

Text

Chapter 7: An oxidising world of a dream (Part 5)

Warnings: angst

Author notes: yes, I do consider that this part is heartbreaking enough to put angst as a warning... Do tell me if you think otherwise! (or another smart way to ask for feedback...)

I waited behind the door of the familiar infirmary, my arms crossed and my look focused onto the carpet beneath my feet. I had been ordered to stay there until Dazai came out, while he had sent men and Akutagawa to the art museum of Yokohama for a mission. If at first I had wondered if he was punishing me for my previous failure during the casino mission, I had soon realised that this raid to the museum was pointless, and clearly a trap Mimic had set for us. However, the squadron had been getting impatient, lately, and their desire to fight overcame any trace of reason their consciousness held. The most stupid of all had to be the "dog". He exposed himself to danger without further questioning, only to prove our superior he was worth his praises. He could not understand that the executive did not expect such things from him... And he would never listen to my advice.

"Odasaku is awake." The door opened behind me.

"It is good." I cracked a discreet smile "Do you need me to do anything?"

"Come in, and try to convince him." Dazai sighed "He wants to go and save Akutagawa..."

"Akutagawa...?" I narrowed my eyes, following him inside the infirmary "Well, he is an asset for the Mafia, after all... And you will not pretend you are ready to toss his power aside, will you?"

"So you agree, Ogawa?" Oda asked me upon seeing me.

"I am glad to see you are better, Oda." I smiled "And I do agree that helping Akutagawa out would be better. However... I could go myself. You have just woken up and many things occurred. You need to rest."

"Resting..." He hummed "I don't need it. I feel as though I owe someone, so I can't stay there doing nothing."

"Owing..." Dazai sighed "The one you owe doesn't even remember what he'd lent you..."

"But I do." He shrugged "Besides, it is absolutely out of question that you go, Ogawa."

"I have not been ordered not to go." I defended.

"Dazai, order her."

"Why would he...?" I frowned "I can —"

"A consequent amount of shops and warehouses of the Port Mafia has been bombed while Odasaku was asleep." My superior cut me "And you took care of every single case without my assistance. You too, need to rest."

"You'd rather send your sick friend off than your lieutenant...?" I argued, holding onto Oda's sleeve so he would not leave "I am your subordinate, I appreciate that you care about my safety but... It is my duty. Oda needs to rest, he was poisoned heavily and no matter how strong he is, he is still weakened from the —"

The executive grabbed my wrist and pulled me closer to him, until my forehead rested onto his shoulder. The effects of No Longer Human were immediate; the thoughts of my surroundings faded away, and my eyelids felt heavy with the need to sleep.

"You can't..." I protested, trying to pull away but finding myself too weak to do so "You can't..."

"You haven't slept, the other night... I order you to rest now..." He said, rather softly.

"But your friend... He... Will..."

"Odasaku will be alright." He reassured me "I trust him, I know he will not put himself in danger."

I heard footsteps getting away and deduced the man had left. He had resolved himself to let Oda go... Fatigue took over and my knees buckled under my weight, brusquely. His arms wrapped around my waist to support me and my hands gripped onto Dazai's coat as I fought not to fall asleep just yet, but I could not deny my body needed to doze off, for at least a few hours. I hated being so useless...

"I... Am of no use to you..." I murmured, my voice muffled by his coat.

"Being exhausted makes you say idiotic things." He retorted, suddenly picking me up to lay me down on the bed "Why are you still trying not to fall asleep...?"

"I heard you... Praising Akutagawa..." I refused to let go of him "Even if he is dumb... He has power... Everyone... Around you is so strong... And I..."

"Stop saying things you know I have never thought about, Ogawa... Comparing you with Akutagawa is impossible, comparing you with Odasaku is unbelievable as well." Dazai stated.

"... Am I an incompetent...?"

"The one who said that must be blind."

"Akutagawa has a good sight..." I closed my eyes, but opened them before surrendering to sleep "I am... Incompetent... Unsuited to be by your side... I don't want to sleep and be useless..."

His hand landed onto my forehead, pushing my bangs away from my eyes and making contact with my skin.

"Being useless is the last thing I think about you..." He assured me "I'd appreciate it if you had some sleep before going back to work."

"I'll leave you alone..."

"I'll bring you to the office as soon as you close your eyes, then. I swear, so now, do not torment your mind with such thoughts anymore and only think about resting well, to assist me afterwards." He cracked a smile, clumsily running his hand across my head.

"Alright, then... If it is not a bother..." My eyelids fell and my body went numb.

"... How could that ever be a bother...?"

Dazai had gone out with Oda. The two had some business to take care about, and my superior had insisted for me not to go. After the incident at the art museum, Akutagawa had come back safely, as well as Oda, and the matter was settled within hours. I leaned my head onto the bay of the executive's office. The sun had disappeared behind the horizon for a moment now, leaving only the darkness and a few stars to light it up. I noticed it was a night without a moon, and did not like it. When the world was too immersed in shadows, nothing good would ever occur. I feared this night was ominous.

"Come back safe, Dazai..." I whispered, looking away from the lights of the town.

Humankind had always hated complete darkness. Electricity had allowed us to tame the night and its fictional monsters so we could prolong our day as much as possible. But whether it was under the sun or a neon light, we could never run away from our own shadows, and I liked to think the evilness laying still within us was the origin of our tales about the night. The true monsters often — not to say always — had a human face.

Slowly, I walked across the office to take my coat before exiting it, without forgetting to close the door behind me. It felt so lonely, being away from his side... Everything seemed completely worthless if Dazai was nowhere around me, as if the reason I could live had been taken away from me. In a way, I was aware of the dangerous truth; I depended on my superior as much as I was addicted to morphine, perhaps even more, and I could not imagine once that we could be apart. He had given me a reason to be in this world which had casted me away mercilessly, and striving to stay alive was a feeling I had just started to embrace. I could go as far as stating it was a glimpse of happiness I was experiencing... I wanted to cling onto it with my whole being, sometimes forgetting that nothing was more ephemeral than human joy. There was nothing which would not be lost... And I did not remember.

"Ogawa-kun...!"

I turned around upon hearing a voice calling my name. The second in command, Yamada-san... After how badly he had tried to take advantage of me, we had rarely interacted with each other. In front of Dazai, he acted friendly, but I knew he wanted to be ridden of me after I had humiliated him, the day I had killed my parents.

"What can I do for you?" I asked, poised.

"Actually..." He sighed "I have a pile of paperwork awaiting me, but... Today is my wife's and my anniversary so I did not want to go back late..."

"You are married...!" I exclaimed, astonished.

"I never wear my ring when in the headquarters... Not to trouble her, right? But I am. We even have the most adorable son." He smiled "I met her after that incident... I still can't apologise enough for that day."

"It is too late, now. But I can overlook it, for once."

For the first time, I felt sympathy toward this man I would usually be annoyed about.

"I'll take care of it for you." I smiled back "Please have fun."

"I'll make sure to." He nodded excitedly "Thanks a bunch, Ogawa-kun!"

A bunch...? Well... I watched his back walking away a moment before going into his office. The pile of paperwork was, indeed, a pile, threatening to wither and crash onto the ground at any moment, and I sighed heavily, bringing the documents to Dazai's office where I felt more comfortable. I had been supposed to wait for his return; he would kill me when he would discover I was working overtime... Oh, well... It had been a moment I had not had a warm cup of coffee, anyway.

It was well-past midnight when the door of the office opened. The headquarters were most likely empty, except for the Boss and a few guards doing their night shift. On this floor, this room was the only one where the light was still on. I smiled at my superior, who visibly did not expect seeing me there, and took a sip of my fifth cup of coffee.

"Welcome back, Dazai." I stood up to take his coat off of his shoulders.

"Ogawa...? No wonder you were not at your place..."

He had stopped by, thinking I was waiting for him...? I almost regretted stubbornly staying there to help the second in command out...

"Forgive me for not telling you beforehand..." I apologised "There was still work to do..."

"This is not your job." He stated, taking a look at the papers.

"He..." I paused, thinking I could not reveal the truth about the marriage "... Had important things to take care of."

"Important enough for you to comply?" Dazai raised his two eyebrows "He surely lied to you to leave and have a drink with his friends."

"... Is that so...? My, I'm so stupid..." I did not want to argue and attempted to avoid the subject "Thinking I could have easily read his thoughts..."

"Whatever you are hiding, I'm not going to ask about it if you don't want to talk about it..." He sighed, resigned, and let himself fall onto a couch "To think you'd help him after what he has done to you... That disgusting jerk..."

I was dumb to think he would not find out I was lying...

"You seem especially exhausted, tonight." I noted, taking a seat in front of him "What happened...?"

"Nothing." He dodged the matter "Do you still have a lot to do?"

"There isn't much left..." I told him "I'll hurry so you can cancel my ability and have some sleep yourself."

"Please, do so..." He grumbled lowly.

I sat back at his desk and started reading the different reports. Dazai was not usually so grumpy and tired. Definitely, something was wrong about him, but I knew better than asking him directly. If only I could read his thoughts... I would have been able to tell what bothered him.

Minutes after, his breathing was regular, and I looked up at him, only to see he was gone in deep slumber. Soundlessly, I took his coat from the hanger and draped it over his body to protect him from the cold. Summer had installed itself in Japan, but the nights were still chilly, especially in an office freshened up by air conditioning. Many people had a peaceful face when sleeping, but he... He did not look appeased at all. On the contrary, it appeared sleeping brought his own monsters to the surface of his consciousness and tormented him... I decided not to do anything, judging he, no matter what, did need a good night of rest too. And if nightmares disturbed him, I would act accordingly to the situation. He had often made sure I was sleeping correctly before leaving — I could have felt it — so it was my turn to protect his rest.

I stared at him, leaning my chin onto the back of my hand. He had not budged at all and my paperwork had long been over. I did not believe Dazai could sleep so well; he was more the type to suffer from insomnia. I often wondered, when waking up, what he had been up to during the night. After granting me sleep, did he go back to his impersonal apartment? Or did he wander around Yokohama to have a few drinks? Did he bring women back to his place? The thought coated my cheeks in red and I quickly banned it from my mind. Whatever he did, I was certain he did not get much sleep. I shut off the lights, only to turn on the small lamp on the desk. The sieved light was more relaxing than the main one, and it bathed the room in a comfortable atmosphere. While my superior was soundly asleep, I took a random book from the shelf and started reading it. How to prevent accidental casualties. So this book did exist and he had truly read it. He had not lied, the other day... I felt bad for doubting him, but one had to admit discerning between his acts and his true words was a challenge. When was he serious and when was he playing around? Oda easily understood the shifts in the mood, but I... No, I could not think about his friend anymore. I always ended up frustrated when looking up to this amazing person. I had embarrassingly ranted about my uselessness again, earlier, I could not afford to ridicule myself anymore. I did not want him to look at me like a pitiful thing...

Suddenly, the coat fell from Dazai and landed onto the floor with a muffled noise. I put the book aside to readjust it over his body, but, as I did so, he forcefully grabbed my wrist and pulled me toward him. His one eye was wide opened onto me.

"D-Dazai, you are going to cancel my ability..." I broke the silence, trying to free myself from his grip.

"... Isn't that what I am supposed to do...?" He asked, rather tiredly.

"You fell asleep, I was not going to take advantage of your ability while you were defenceless..." I said "Well, that's what I thought, but you are actually always vigilant about your surroundings..."

"Obviously..." He let me go to rub his face "How long have I been sleeping?"

"Two to three hours, roughly. You should close your eyes again; you were resting so well..."

"What about you? Are you done?"

"I am, don't worry..."

"Then, let's —"

I gently pushed him back to the couch and put his coat back onto him with a slight smile.

"I had some sleep in the afternoon... It's your turn, Dazai..." I declared.

"But your ability... Won't it be a bother?"

"I'll be fine, just think about yourself... Please rest. There are people counting on you to lead them tomorrow..." I told him.

His expression was unreadable, but he adjusted his position so he would be laying on the couch instead of sleeping in a sitting position. His fingers held onto his coat and brought it around his upper body, as though he felt cold, and his eyes closed.

"Goodnight..." I whispered.

"I saw Ango, tonight. We went to the bar." He interrupted my moves.

"Dazai, you should —"

"He was an undercover agent for the government, you know...? And a spy in Mimic for the Port Mafia too..." He chuckled, a bit bitterly "He betrayed us... He betrayed me..."

"I'm sorry..." I had no clue what to say "The three of you were so close as friends..."

"... Come there a bit..." He demanded.

I decided to sit down on the edge of the couch.

"I lost him..." He finally muttered, his voice muffled by the heavy black cloth "I lost Ango... I lost our friendship... I said I was prepared to lose everything I once owned... But I'm not... His loss left a hole somewhere in me... I don't know how to fill it... Am I not pathetic, showing you such a sight...?"

"Not at all..." I hesitatingly patted his shoulder "If anything, I am glad that you could tell me such a thing..."

"You are there... Odasaku is still there too, but for some reasons, I feel so lonely..." He confessed.

What could I do or say to soothe his pain? I did not know... I did not want to pretend I understood the gap he experienced, nor could I come up with classic lines; Dazai did not need them. Dazai did not want me to say "don't worry."

"... I'll always be there..." I reminded him.

But I was not enough.

#bsd #bsd oc #bsd fanfic #bsd dazai #bsd imagines #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs oc #dazai osamu

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tolkien-reader · 4 years

Text

I got you. Sweetpea/OC

Hi! Here's another dark one shot w/ Sweetpea from Riverdale. It involves sensitive content, such as mentions of abuse and it's a long one, so please enjoy and don't read if your easily triggered by this type of thing.

My OC comes face to face with her abuser after 12 years and doesn't handle the situation, at all. She's kept the secret from everybody, including Sweetpea. But she no longer has the strength to keep it from him, so the truth comes out, pulling them closer than ever.

I saw him, for the first time since I was 12 years old. My heart sank to my stomach and then started beating so fast, that it made my head spin.

My whole body froze in place, unable to move from the fear I thought I got over. I thought I was over it- but somehow I knew that maybe, if and when, I finally saw him again, It would all come rushing back.. and it did.

It hit me so hard, that my stomach twisted in knots, making me feel so nauseated, that I tried desperately not to throw up the burger I had earlier, so I didn't talk. I instead tried desperately to get my friend Jen, to notice my fear and get me walking out the door, but she was too preoccupied with waiting for her turn in line.

I just gulped down the lump that was in my throat, he then finally noticed me. His dark eyes looked at my figure, and I thought for a second that he didn't have the heart to come and talk to me- but of course; he had no heart. How could he after what he did to me? Ripping away my innocence without so much of a second thought.

I suddenly wished Sweetpea would walk in, but how can I be so stupid and tell him that I would meet up with him after me and Jen finished at the convenience store.

"Y/N, wow, it's good to see you after all these years-" Jen finally noticed him after he spoke up, my eyes looked up at him and I let out a shaky breathe, and my fists balled up, the voice that haunted my dreams for years, finally spoke up and he smiled menacingly, and continued, "- I didn't think i'd see you again after me and your aunt broke up. You've grown up, haven't you."

Jen, suddenly stepped infront of me, blocking his view of me, and I finally felt like I can move. "Get away from her, you sick fuck!" She exclaimed, making everyone turn their eyes to us. But I didn't care as I immediately bolted out the door, not being able to hold in my puke anymore, and ran till I got as far away as I can, till the burger I ate earlier came flying out of my mouth.

I stood up and tried so hard to get myself to stop shaking, and tears started pooling out of my eyes. "Hey, y/n! Sweetpea said you two would be here." Fangs, walked up to me and with a smile- but it immediately went down when he noticed my face. "What happened?" He asked.

"Y/N! Everything's gonna be okay." Jen threw her arms around me, but I couldn't take feeling smothered, so I pushed her off me.

"Don't! Please- I'm sorry." I said, backing up a little.

"Okay, I'm sorry." She said, understanding how I must be feeling. She's the only one who knows what happened to me. I never told anyone else. Not even Sweetpea. I was scared to tell him. Scared of what he'll do. He's already so protective of me, that he might try do something stupid and heroic, that may take him away from me forever. He'd lose his mind, if he ever found out.

"Y/N. Jen. What's the hells going on?" Fangs asked again, getting worried about me.

"Nothing. Let's just go, Sweetpea must be waiting for us." I said walking away, not letting him ask again.

I was walking up ahead, trying so hard to get myself to calm down before I got to Sweetpea, otherwise he'd see right through me and know there was something wrong, I heard Fangs and Jen whispering behind me. Fangs was trying to get Jen to tell him what happened.

"Its not mine to tell, Fangs. So drop it." She stated, he sighed letting it go.

I round the corner to the white worm and my eyes connected with Sweetpea's. Of course he was waiting outside for me.

I thought I had pushed it down, I thought I was okay again, but seeing Sweetpea, I felt all of it again and couldn't hide it from him anymore. I started hyperventilating and tears started forming in my eyes and my legs felt like jelly- almost giving up on me.

His eyes lit up when he saw me- but changed to concern as he immediately jumped toward me, catching me before I fell to the ground.

"Y/N! Hey!"

I broke down in his arms, burying my face into his chest. "Shit- baby! What happened?!" He said as I held onto him for dear life, because I needed to feel safe again, he made me feel safe, wrapped up in his big arms. "I got you. I got you." He muttered, while holding me close.

We were sitting at the bar, after I calmed down and then Sweetpea brought me inside and sat me down, waiting for me to give him some answers, I was sitting and wondering how can I even begin to tell him?

He was pacing in front of me, patiently waiting for me. "Y/N. You need to give me something. I'm freaking out over here." Toni walked up and pour a shot into my glass.

"Here. Maybe this'll help." She said, offering me a shot of tequila. I immediately downed it and sighed.

It was a quiet afternoon, so there wasn't many people in the bar. So I figured, I might as well get this over with now and I finally looked at him and he stopped pacing to stand in front of me, knowing I was finally ready to talk.

"...I saw someone-" I began, looking up and away from his eyes, and continued, "-from my past. Someone who-" I paused again, my voice breaking. "- Did something to me, when I was a kid." I finally confessed my deepest darkest secret to the love of my life.

His eyes went dark, and his fist clenched, hearing my confession. "...what?" He whispered to me. "Where?" He said, I finally locked eyes with him, and had a look of worry as I Immediately said "That doesn't matter, pea." He, then lost it and turned around as his fist collided with a pole, not being able to contain his anger and he looked back at me.

"Where is he? I'll fucking kill him, y/n!" He yelled and I flinched- then his face went soft when he saw how scared I got, I wasn't scared of him though, I was used to him getting unnecessarily angry at things. I was just still jumpy from the encounter I had with my abuser.

He closed his eyes and sighed to calm himself down and then he took a couple steps toward me to close the gap between us, putting his hands on each side of my face.

I looked up at him and trying not to break down again.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, his own voice breaking.

I shrugged my shoulders. "The same reason, I was scared to tell my dad. I was scared of what you might do, Pea- I mean, you get angry when a guy looks at me the wrong way." He shook his head, angrily and his hands left my face. I stood up from the stool and kept the close distance between us. "You're already threatened to kill him, Pea!" I yelled at him.

"Yeah, cause he hurt you, y/n!" He yelled back, I sighed in defeat, our eyes never leaving each other's. Fangs, Jen, and Toni stayed silent, watching our intense moment unfold.

"...Look at you." He began, "Look how fucking perfect you are. How can anyone want to hurt you.-" He said, tears threatening to leave his eyes, I finally let myself cry, he loved me so much. "-Everytime I think about it, it makes my blood boil." He spat out. "You should've fucking told me, Y/N. You should've fucking told me."

I was a closed book, I always have been. It was hard for Sweetpea to get me to open up about things- I mean he thought he was hard to trust, but he was wrong. He never thought he would meet a person so closed off- let alone to fall in love with one; until he met me. It took him along time to finally break through my hard exterior shell that I had around me, and now he understood why.

"I know. I'm sorry- I just thought it would cause more harm than good... so, I kept it to myself." I said, he got angry all over again.

"...Why do you insist on hurting by yourself, y/n? I want you to fucking tell me things! Even if you think I'll get angry-" He stepped closer, to make me look up at him "- You don't have to go though things by yourself anymore, baby, because I'm right here and I ain't going nowhere."

I broke down, and then buried my head into his chest, he's right, I wasn't alone anymore and he made damn sure that I knew that. I felt him slowly wrapped his arms around me, while he kissed my forehead softly.

"I love you, Pea-" I muttered into his chest and looked up at him, "-I'll try to be more honest with you about things from now on, Okay? I promise."

He, then leaned down and captured my lips with his and held his forehead against mine, our eyes holding each other's loving gaze and he nodded.

"You better. Because your past is my past and your secrets are my secrets. It's us, y/n. Against the whole fucking world."

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!

I own nothing but my OC.

#sweetpea #OC #riverdale #oneshot #mature #content

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