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ldrfanatic · 18 days

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Italian Theodore Nott Headcanons

So... by popular request (I think like literally one person commented on a post from ages ago) and also because I'm still working on my most recent part to the '13' Series (linked here) here's some Italian Theo headcanons to keep you sated.

sorry if this is inaccurate it's based off of my own knowledge of italians and what I think Theo would be like

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So, unlike most, I don't think that Italian Theo would be a whore. Let me explain:

Sure Italian men like to flirt, (although Theo doesn't), but they do it because it comes so natural to them and because more than anything, they value their partner.

They're well dressed and take pride in their appearance (something Theo does do) but they don't always entertain the people of the heads that they turn

They also have a natural air of confidence that Theo has and doesn't even have to use

However, just because Theo isn't a whore doesn't mean that he doesn't have his own little clique of fangirls.

In general:

As a person, Theo is incredibly quiet. His English is not the best as he grew up in the Italian countryside and spends his breaks there. He spends most of his time observing, and the rest of his time, mentally translating sentences from English to Italian and vice versa (and yes that's exhausting).

He does however take food incredibly seriously (as most Italians do I feel). His favorite kind of pasta is Paccheri and he will die on the hill that the Italians were the first to make Pizza (who else could make bread, sauce, and cheese taste so good?). He was also incredibly shocked when he found out the drinking age in England was 18. Theo had a glass of wine with dinner every night since the age of ten.

Another thing he doesn't quite understand about England is the frequency through which they drink tea throughout the day. At most, he has a cup a day while some of his English friends have four to five cups a day and usually, one cup with every meal.

Theo also had a very strong connection to his mother. Now that she's gone, he spends a lot of time in his head with his memories of her. It's not all that shocking to anyone really that he doesn't quite have the time or the patience for girls.

Platonically:

As a friend, Theo is a little more open but not much. His two closest friends in the group are you and Lorenzo who's also Italian. He'll talk to either of you and open up a little, but only if no one else is around. He's a bit impartial to Mattheo although he does think the boy is a loose cannon and he actually secretly despises Draco and his blood purity nonsense as it reminds him too much of his father (whom he also hates). So yeah, he spends the majority of his time with Lorenzo and Blaise.

In regards to your friendship with Theo, he's a complete gentleman. He never sits too close in fear of startling or offending you. He opens all of the doors the pair of you walk through and carries your books to class when you have the same class.

In fact, despite being significantly more well mannered than any other boy in your year, the only thing that hinted to you that Theo felt anything towards you other than indifference were small smiles and shared secrets.

Romantically:

Before you even became friends you'd caught Theo's eye. The first time he'd noticed you, you were comforting a crying first year muggle-born that Draco had bullied to tears. You spoke so kindly and softly to the boy. Theo knew then that you weren't like everyone else in Hogwarts. Most people were too afraid to stand up to Draco but the next day, you punched him square in the jaw and told him to stop being such a prick.

The first person to find out about Theo's crush on you was Lorenzo of course. He didn't tease him for which Theo was grateful. Now as stated, Theo is an incredibly quiet person so it's not clear to you that Theo has crush on you.

Also, once Theo has decided that he likes you, other girls don't even approach him anymore. Not after the Ravenclaw incident. A Ravenclaw from your guys' year approached him and asked him out. He didn't even acknowledge her. Just stood up and left.

He does however, make an attempt to spend more time with you whenever her can. He sits with you at meals and during lessons, he asks you for help in charms (even though he's already receiving high marks, but you don't know that). He brings you soup when your sick.

The way that you find out Theo has a crush on you is actually really surprising for you.

Lorenzo came running up to you after Potions one day, completely out of breath. "Y/n! Come quick." He didn't give you any room to disagree as he grasped your wrist firmly and began dragging you down the corridor towards the courtyard. When you got out there, your stomach dropped.

For the first time since meeting him, you saw Theo fight. He had Addrian Pucey on the ground and was currently pummeling the poor boy. The scariest part was that he remained completely calm, cold. Mattheo and Draco were standing on the sidelines egging him on while Theo ruthlessly delivered blow after blow in dead silence. He didn't even wince as his knuckles began to split open and bleed.

Blaise was desperately trying to pull Theo away but he wouldn't budge. Finally, you snapped out of your stupor and approached the boy. As he was throwing punches with his right arm, you approached him from the left and placed a hand on his left shoulder apprehensively. "Theo."

At the sound of your voice, Theo stopped immediately. He didn't look at you immediately. Instead, he stood and kicked Adrian who was on the ground rolling in pain. "Stay away from her." The crowd dispersed as the fight ended. When Theo turned to look at you, his eyes were blazing. For the first time since you'd known him, Theo was burning with rage.

"Theo come on." He let you lead him away in complete silence. Worse than what Adrian had said to you, Theo was ashamed. He couldn't believe that he'd let his emotions take over like that. Now he may have lost you for good. When you finally stopped in a secluded corridor, Theo turned away from you.

"Theo?" He was silent and your concern grew. It wasn't Theo's usual kind of silence, it was a silence that made your heart feel heavy. "Theodore."

"Don't."

"What?"

Finally Theo turns to you and his eyes are glossy. It was startling almost, to see the normally calm and collected boy tearing up. "Don't do that tesoro. Yell, push me, hit me if you need to, but I'm not Theodore. Not to you."

"What happened?" He sighed.

"I overheard Adrian say something completely vile about... you. I couldn't let him talk about you like that. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me cuore. You are the only light in my dark life."

You reached out and grabbed Theo's hands in your own. "That's incredibly sweet of you Theo. But why would you do that for me?"

"Isn't it obvious! I am entirely and irreversibly in love with you. I cannot live without you and I will not allow anyone to say such things about you."

After that, Theo took you out on a date. Thanks to his Pureblood lineage, Theo's family was quite wealthy. And his father had always taken to making sure he was well cared for financially, perhaps out of guilt from his emotional abuse.

For your first date, Theo took you to a London shopping district with his Black Card. At first you refused to spend any of his money. That is until Theo became resigned to buy you everything that your eyes lingered on for more than five seconds despite all your protests.

To end the date, he treated you to a nice dinner and then brought the pair of you back to Hogwarts.

As your boyfriend:

As your boyfriend, Theo's go-to nickname for you is either tesoro (treasure). He spends a lot of time staring at you which Mattheo teases him endlessly for of course.

He wishes you could meet his mother, but he adamantly refuses for you to meet his father. Instead, he introduces you to his grandmother. She teaches you how to make pasta from scratch and you and Theo often sneak into the kitchens at Hogwarts to try and make it there.

He makes it pretty clear that you're the only girl for him. He even tells you one night how his mother's dying wish was for him to find someone that he loved wholeheartedly and who loved him as much. Theo knows that this person is you, and he has no shyness in telling you.

He hates to see you cry, but if for any reason you're feeling sad, he recites Italian poetry to you in a soft and devoted tone.

Questo nostro amore, vita mia

lo prospetti felice

destinato a durare per sempre.

Dei del cielo, fate voi che lei dica il vero,

che lo prometta sincera e dal cuore,

che si possa per tutta la vita

mantener questo patto inviolabile

(This love of ours my life; I predict will be happy; destined to last forever.; Gods of the sky, do what you deem to be true; that promises to be sincere and from the heart,; which can be for a lifetime,; keep this inviolable covenant.)

When Theo speaks his native tongue it makes you a little weak in the knees. The way that his lips curve around the words and his tongue effortlessly forms each syllable makes your heart swell.

Overall:

Italian Theo is a complete cutie with impeccable manners and expresses more romance in ten minutes with you than most men express in their entire lives. He sees you as a light that brightens his life that he will do anything to protect.

----

help this is so bad

#slytherin boys #slytherin #theodore nott #theo nott x reader #theodore nott x reader #theo nott #slytherin boys x reader #mattheo riddle #draco malfoy #lorenzo berkshire #blaise zabini

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eddiemunsons-missingnipple · 6 months

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eddie teaching you how to play DBD but you keep dying so you get angry and quit so he tries to make you feel better by… (you can fill in the blank bestie) 🤭

👀 so niche but also right up my alley.

Modern!Eddie munson x fem!reader

Warnings: Smut, oral (female receiving.)

A/n: short blurb for a moot. Not proofread.

18+ minors dni

"Im gonna get hooked!" You shouted at the TV screen next to your boyfriend who's currently watching you play Dead by daylight.

"Baby, you saw him coming you should have ran."

"Don't victim blame Edward." You snapped back. Your fingers going a mile a minute on the joy cons.

Eddie had been begging you to play dead by daylight for months now. It was currently his favorite game to play at the moment. You've been watching him on the game more and more recently figured if you learned this could be another way to spend quality time together.

Usually, you were off on your switch playing animal crossing while he was busy screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Yeah, well, I gotta fix the generator!" You argued, trying to wiggle out of the killers grip. "I don't understand why there are skill checks on the gens."

"Cus' they can't make it but so easy." Eddie said as he struggled to hide a laugh.

You shoot him a dirty look as you grow more and more frustrated. "Welp, I'm dead....AGAIN!"

"Jus' calm down" Eddie watched in amusement. He knows you're about two seconds away from exploding.

"Whatever, this game is stupid. I never should have let you talk me into playing it." You pouted, throwing the gaming controller in his lap. You were a sore loser and always have been.

Sounds of terror and a pained scream from your now dead character fill the silence. The more you heard her scream, the more upset you got. You didn't want to just win. You wanted to impress your boyfriend and show him you could keep up. What makes it worse is that the game isn't even complex. You just suck at it. Never mind, this is your first time playing it.

"Sweetheart." Eddie calls to you.

"Leave me alone." Your face is twisted in a scowl staring a head at the TV screen. Your character running in a field signifying you infact did not survive another round.

Eddie is trying his best not to smile. He really is. He reaches over to take your hand, but you snatch away and scoot further down the couch.

"Alright." He announces with a long sigh.

You watch him stand with the gaming controller in hand. He doesn't like the attitude you're giving him, and you know it. You wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't punish you later for it. Not that you don't deserve you because you do. You've been mouthy at him for hours now.

"Ya know any other time when you get an attitude like that I'd fuck it right out of you." Eddie squints, making you squirm.

He bends down, so he's at eye level with you."But my baby is very, very upset right now."

Eddie gets down on his knees in front of you. Gripping your hips and yanks you down, so your ass is almost hanging off the cushions.

"So here's what we're gonna do. You're gonna relax and keep practicing, and I'm going lick that pretty pussy until you feel all better." He smiled, slowly taking your pajama shorts and panties off. He tosses both of your legs over his shoulders you gasped when you felt his nose nudge at your clit.

"O-okay," you murmured.

Eddie smiles up at you. "Good girl now pay attention to the game and if you don't I won't let you cum."

You nodded rapidly, letting out a shakey breath. A small whimper escaped your mouth when his soft lips wrapped around your aching clit. Your hands are becoming clamy as you wait for the new match to begin.

"Mmhmm oh Eddie." You whispered.

He removed his mouth from your clit. His tongue pushes in your wet opening. Your slick getting all over his face. The slight stubble on his chin tickling your pussy. You almost dropped the controller on his head when you felt his tongue push in deeper.

Your eyes close for a moment, and you almost got again by the killer right when the game started. He heard the familiar sound on the tv and stopped. His tongue disappearing from inside you, leaving you feeling empty.

Eddie looks up at you, a little disappointed. "Focus honey, you' wanna cum dont you?"

"M'sorry....I-I do so bad." You whined.

"Then be my good girl and do what I asked." He spoke softly.

Reattaching his lips back to your clit and sucking hard. Your legs involuntarily squeeze around his head. You moan out his name over and over again as if it were a chant as your eyes stayed glued to the screen. Eddie lapped and sucked at your sore bud.

You focused hard on the game, trying to ignore your boyfriend who is currently between your legs with no intention of leaving anytime soon. The more his mouth worked on your pussy you felt yourself becoming more at ease. The game was getting less stressful than it was earlier.

That familiar coil in your belly tightens, and you know your release is creeping up on you.

Eddie comes up for air, his face saturated in your slick and his own spit. "You win yet?"

"A-almost." You breathed heavy.

He smiles against you proud that his little plan is working.

"You gettin' close, aren't ya baby?" Eddie cooed.

You nod and focused back on the game. Not looking down at him once.

Eddie bites his lip and goes back to what he was busy doing.

You finally won for the first time that night and many more nights after. Your boyfriends plan worked out in your favor after all. Thank God for that now you won't feel like you're a drag to play with.

This ended becoming a regular thing between the two of you. When Eddie noticed you losing focus or getting very upset. He'd sit you on his cock or bury his face between your legs. It was a good strategy.

Some nights, you and him completely disregarded the game as a whole if he got too caught up in the moment. Other times you'd return the favor and sit between his legs with his cock stuffed in your throat. Now, all you need to do is convince Eddie to play animal crossing with you.

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #joseph quinn #eddie munson fanfic #stranger things #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #eddie x reader #eddie munson x female reader #eddie x fem!reader #eddie munson blurb #modern!eddie munson #gamer!eddie munson

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mybelovedwoo · 5 months

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Can you do wooyoung as a boyfriend? :D

YESS! I've been waiting for this request for a long time, thank you so much <3 I hope you'll enjoy :)) I'm sorry it took a while to write this, but I got caught up with a busy schedule all of a sudden.

jung wooyoung as your boyfriend - headcanon

headcanon, romance, fluff, smut

reader x bf!atz

wc. ~0.9k

an: i'm weak for this man you all know

you can request headcanons if you want to!! if you want to be tagged in any of my fics you can apply here <3

masterlist

-i think we all know that wooyoung is your brat best friend type of boyfriend, who always puts you before himself and takes such good care of you, still can never stop teasing you

-he needs a lot of attention, like a lot. if your attention is not on him he will get all sulky and clingy. he would annoy you just to give him what he wants. even when you're talking to someone else he will cling to you from the back or to your arms

-but if the opposite happens, he just loves it so so much, it's one of his ways to tease you. he would play a video game or be on his phone and you would beg for his attention, he wouldn't give in so easily, but there would always be a cocky smile on his face

-gives you presents all the damn time, it's one of his love languages, he loves giving in general, especially when it comes to you. even if it's just a chocolate or a jewelry he will buy it when he thinks of you

-would even buy you pieces of clothes that he already has or buy one for himself too, so you guys could match in a cool way

-he cooks your favorite dishes every date night. loves to experiment with food, you are his taste tester and would be the happiest when he sees you love what he made just for you

-also gives you all his food from his plate, he wants you to eat well, but you want the same for him so you always fight over it

-late-night walk hand in hand by the river, watching all the night lights of the city, him giving you his jacket because you refused to bring yours, but now he freezes to death but loves it at the same time, stopping by a convenient store to buy snacks and ice cream, yeah that's just a casual friday night

-lots and lots of kisses. just gives you random kisses on your cheeks, doesn't care where or who is there it doesn't stop him (his members are already used to it)

-would kiss you passionately until you lose your breath, then he would smile to a final kiss because he feels proud of himself

-on facetime with you 24/7 when he's on tour

-he is basically best friends with your family and friends, in return, you are best friends with his mom

-has heart eyes for you, doesn't break eye contact, and flirts with you every given minute

-have cheeky nicknames for you like pookie, nugget, pumpkin (anything that he can think of at the moment), but your contact name is the sweetest "my one and only", also you are his wallpaper for sure

-brings you with him everywhere, literally you two are connected (at least that's what his members are saying). he brings you to work, you have to watch him dance and then review it or to a filming, you're always somewhere behind the cameras

-would want to move in with you as soon as he can, because he doesn't want to spend any time without you

-calls you his wife in front of the members and his family, because you will be one day, he's sure about that

-if you're dating woo it means sometimes there's a plus one on your dates, san feels a little weird about it, he thinks he interrupts your special time but loves to hang out with you guys

-he hates it when san and you are allying against him, but deep down loves to see that you get along well, his two soulmates

-you have to cuddle him so he can fall asleep at night, usually you are the big spoon because this man loves to be cuddled

-his hand is constantly on your thighs or on your ass, he's shameless about it

-he is whipped for you, would literally do anything you ask him to do

nsfw +18!!!

-lots of people think he is a tease in bed too, but I think he is quite the opposite. wooyoung is a very impatient person, he cannot wait for long, especially when he wants you so bad

-I think I don't have to say it, but he is a sub in bed. likes to be taken care of and likes to be on the bottom

-there are times when he wants to take care of you tho, so he would switch and make you feel good all night long

-his hands all over your body, would touch everywhere he can reach, just can't get enough of you

-loves it when you kiss his neck, that's something he gets turned on immediately, also just compliment his body and this man is done right there

-very noisy, lots of whimpers and moans, doesn't really care if someone hears it

-i think he gets worked up pretty easily, so you guys would have sex every single time you meet or you sleep over at each other's place

-for positions, I would say cowgirl is the most common, but he likes everything where you are on the top and he can see you well

-blowjob is a must, even if you don't have sex, at a random bathroom of a restaurant or at the dance studio

-he needs cuddles after, just wants to hold you close to him and would praise you for such a good work you did, would definitely take good care of you after, brings you food and clean clothes, would feel very grateful and sentimental at these moments

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ghostlykeyes · 2 months

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dw abt crazy detailed posts, just have fun writing!! i like reading all of them, short or long :D besides goth gfs 🔛🔝

what abt kayn when his goth gf, who‘s usually confident abt her style, suddenly starts questioning herself bc of her parents? n she spiraling, barely participating in band stuff, and even wanting to avoid kayn bc of it all

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

HEARTSTEEL KAYN/ SELF-CONSCIOUS GOTH READER ♡ Gender Neutral ♡ SFW ♡ No TW's

KAYN

At first, Kayn assumes you're just feeling a little off. Who doesn't, every now and then? He tries to help you cheer up the only way he knows how—bothering you. Kayn blows up your phone even more than normal, shows up at your house at all hours to take you out "because he's bored", and is practically glued to your skin whenever you're together. Maybe he's not the best at all that conversation stuff, but his antics will be enough to get you back to your old self...right?

When that doesn't work, Kayn's attitude takes a turn for the worse. He assumes that the reason you're withdrawing is because you're finally fed up with his shit and can't handle him anymore. It's a slap in the face, and he's more upset than he'd like to admit. After all, you were supposed to be different! He would never have let you in if he thought you'd just ditch him.

Kayn does a little spiraling of his own, which obviously makes the situation ten times worse. Surprisingly, he doesn't immediately lash out at you. He's too confused about his emotions to do much other than give you an uncharacteristic cold shoulder. But his bad attitude during rehearsals, general irritability, and the scowl that darkens his face whenever anyone drops your name clues his friends in that something definitely happened between you two.

Thank god for Ezreal, because he just gets it and takes it upon himself to talk some sense into Kayn. He approaches Kayn bringing his favorite energy drink, hoping to give his sulking friend a reality check without getting something thrown at his head. Ezreal listens as Kayn gripes that you must be sick of him or something, but it's whatever, he's totally fine—

"Kayn," Ezreal cuts him off, not bothering to hide his eyes rolling behind his candy-pink sunglasses. "Talk. to. them. You're crazy about each other and it honestly just sounds like they're going through something. You need to be there for them instead of doing this whole hot-and-cold asshole routine."

Kayn grudgingly considers Ezreal's words. Yeah, maybe you could be going through something. But why wouldn't you just talk to him, then? He's still not convinced, and he's still a bit pissy, and he's still dodging your phone calls.

But then you show up to his apartment wearing a beige t-shirt and Kayn knows something is up. The goth baddie he knows wouldn't be caught dead in neutral tones. He snags your hand in his, makes a pit stop at the fridge to grab a can of your favorite drink (he writes it on the grocery list every week to make sure Yone keeps it in stock for you), and drags you into his room.

"Okay, my lil' batty," he sighs, sitting you down on his bed. He squishes your hand reassuringly. "No more acting weird, it stresses me the fuck out. What's up with you?"

Kayn's fuming when he finds out that your parents are putting you down. In his own strange, aggressive way, he gives you a pep-talk about not giving a fuck what anyone thinks. You're awesome and hot, why should you let anyone make you doubt that? He bumps your shoulder with his arm and gives you his signature cocky smirk. "I'm supposed to be the problem, remember? Don't ever let any-fuckin'-body convince you that you're less than perfect."

From then on it's Kayn's life mission to piss the hell out of your parents. Whenever he picks you up from your house, he shows up ten minutes early so he can smoke in the driveway and blast his music so loud it makes the front door rattle in place. He "sneaks in" at night, but always leaves the toilet seat up and muddy boot-prints in the hall so your parents know he doesn't give a shit about your curfew. And, if they have the nerve to confront him about it? Oh, boy... let's just say he has no issues making his opinions known, and he tells them exactly how fucking stupid it is of them to put you down.

Knowing that you're struggling with your confidence right now, Kayn makes extra effort to lift you up. He demands a selfie every day, and blasts you with a hundred drooling emojis and thirsty comments when you flash a peace sign in the mirror and show off your outfit. If he notices makeup or clothes you might like, he doesn't even stop to look at the price tag—straight into his bag it goes. Most of all, he tries to get you to stay with him as much as possible. If your parents are going to pressure you, well then, fuck your parents. You can sleepover at his place whenever you want. If it's privacy you want? He doesn't mind splurging on a studio apartment for you, just so you can have your own space away from your parents' negativity. (Just be warned—if he does pay for your apartment, he's gonna be crashing the place all the time. Make sure you've got his favorite snacks and an extra set of sweatpants on hand, because your couch is basically his second home.)

#heartsteel #heartsteel headcanons #heartsteel x reader #heartsteel kayn #kayn x reader #kayn #kayn/reader #sheida kayn #heartsteel kayn x reader #heartsteel kayn/reader

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eustasskidagenda · 7 months

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I'm bored and my head is full of One Piece stuff. So I decided to join the old N$FW alphabet trend, with my beloved, Eustass Kid. English is not my first language, so sorry for the mistakes.

WC : 3869

A: Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

If you’re just a one night stand, Kid’s aftercare is nonexistent. He will just tell if your session was nice or shitty (with his usual brutal honesty, so sorry not sorry if it hurts your feelings), he’ll maybe make a comment about how good your ass was and then, he’ll bark you to leave his room, or if he’s at your place, he’ll leave without any more word. Do not expect any form of kindness from him, this man is rough by nature after all.

However, if you too are engaged into a relationship, he’ll need some time to cool and calm down, so don’t talk to him or try to cuddle with him during this time, it’ll only annoys him. After that, he’ll get up and bring you a glass of water and something to clean you up. He knows he’s rough during sex and wants to make sure you’re doing okay, so feel free to ask him anything else. Once you’re comfortable and all your needs are fulfilled, he’ll lay next to you and give you his honest opinion regarding your session. He’ll let you rest your head on his chest, while he runs his fingers through your hair. Kid is not good with pillow talk (and with any talk in general), I think he’s more the type of guy to quickly fall asleep (and snore loudly). If you’re in a talkative mood, he’ll try to keep his eyes open but end up falling asleep quickly anyway.

B: Body Part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

On himself, bro is a fan of his own dick, I think everyone in the fandom agree with this fact. He knows it huge and he’s proud of it. I mean, he makes women cum all around it or gag on, of course he’s proud. Actually, you know how to boost his ego? When he undresses in front of you for the first time, ask him if his cock will fit into you with a worried face. He will be so fucking proud.

Another objective fact, this man is a fan of his torso. I mean, the shirts he’s wearing are useless as fuck, bro just wants to flex with his muscles.

With his partner, Kid is in love with their ass. The whole Eustass Kid agenda agrees with this headcanon. He wants to see your booty all the time : spank it, grab it, makes it jiggle, even bites on those juicy cheeks. Damn, his hand(s) is/are always glued to your glute.

C: Cum (Anything to do with cum)

Well, regarding his cum itself, it’s on the thicker side and there’s quite a lot of it. Definitely not really tasty, but overall, it’s not the worst taste.

Kid loves to see his partner covered in his cum, its fuel his ego immensely. His favorite spot are your ass, your stomach and your face. If he cum during a blowjob, he asks you to pull your tongue out and will cum on It before making sure you swallow every drop.

With a one night stand, Kid will NEVER cum inside. He’s already a Kid lol, having another one kiddo is not in his plans. Actually, if you ask him to cum inside, he’ll get mad at you and starts to think you want to have a child with him, so the mood is totally ruined.

If you’re his lover, he’ll maybe cum inside you, depending to your menstruation cycle. He just loves seeing his seed slowly flowing out of your pussy and stuffed his fingers to put every drop right back inside of you.

D:Dirty Secret

Well it’s not a dirty secret but considering how cocky and arrogant he always acts, it is for him. The fact is, sometime, Kid likes when you take all the initiatives and do all the work. Yeah, I know, at the first look it doesn’t match his energy, but sometimes, Kid can get pretty tired, especially since he lost his arm. He rarely use his metal arm in bed because he’s afraid of hurting you. And doing everything with one arm can be exhausting from time to time. So please, offer him some relieve, be a good girl and ride him.

Plus, of course, Kid loves anal sex. Fucking, fingering or licking that ass is a major turn on for him. Maybe some people find anal sex dirty, but not him. He LOVES how naughty it is, how tight an asshole is and how flustered his partner is when he spreads their ass cheek to lick their hole.

And, since Kid is a punk, you CAN’T convince me this man have a single heterosexual bone in his body. Kid is not straight, I can smell it. I think he’s bisexual.So he often has fantasies regarding a threesome with a man. If you’re a one night stand, he doesn’t mind sharing because he just doesn’t care about you. If you’re his lover, he’ll maybe try if you insist on a lot, but will fix a lot of rules, like the other man can’t kiss you or put their dick inside your pussy. Your pussy is his and only his.

E: Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Considering how much Kid cares about his reputation, he knows what he’s into doing in bed. Sure, during his first times, it was a bit messy, but he’s a fast learner and good at following his instincts.

He also has no shame to ask you to touch yourself, so he knows what you like and how to make you cum as many times at possible.

Overall, Kid doesn’t have a lot of experience, I mean, he didn’t fuck with hundred of guys/women. But he’s not a virgin. He’s just really focused on his goal of becoming the PK and one night stand only happens from time to time. Considering how asocial he’s, I think he needs to feel a kind of connexion to have sex with someone, even if it’s just for one night.

F: Favorite Position

Literally, any variation of doggy style. Kid is an ass man, so he wants and needs to see the ass he’s fucking. Plus, he’s a rough guy, with wild instincts and seeing someone all helpless, on all four awake his carnal desires.

The more helpless you are in front of him, the more he’s turned on. He likes to see your pussy and asshole clenching desperately, waiting to be filled. While he thrusts into you, he just loves seeing your ass giggled and leave some hand prints when he spank you. If he can tie your wrists or pull on your hair, then, it’s even better. Seeing you, your chest against the mattress and your ass up in the sky is his favorite view. Plus, he can see his cock thrusting inside of you, coat of your juice. What a delight.

With his lover, he also likes matting press. Just because you always cry out, complaining about how big he’s and how deep he’s fucking you in this position. He’ll never stop looking at you and your flustered expression.

As I said in the dirty secret, Kid also likes to leave all the work for you sometime. In this case, he’ll go with reverse cowgirl. He can see your ass, hold your hips with one hand, or just lay back and watch you bounce up and down desperately on his cock. Seeing his dick buried deep inside of you will make him growl of satisfaction.

G: Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc.)

Not goofy at all. Sex isn’t supposed to be funny for Kid. I think he can laugh, like while he’s teasing you, he’ll make fun of you, like "look at you, crying for my cock, you’re such a crybaby" but that’s all. Never, lord, never, you’ll hear Kid joking during sex.

If someone laughs at him during sex, then, he’s pissed off. With a night one stand, the mood is just ruined and he’ll leave. With his lover, he’ll get mad too, and also kinda hurt in his pride. He wants to make you feel good and cum at least once, so if you laugh at him, he'll think he’s not doing a good work. It will take a lot of time to reassure him after laughing at him.

H: Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Lol, I don’t think someone will live after asking him such a question.

But the carpet matches the drapes.

Honestly, I don’t see Kid as a very hairy guy.

And it’s maybe an unpopular opinion, but I think Kid takes care of himself. I mean, his manicure and make-up are always nailed. So when it’s starting to be hairy down there, he’ll trim it and cursed during the whole process, but that’s just Kid, always cursing.

I: Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

With a one night stand ? Zero intimacy. Just rough sex and two people trying to reach ecstasy.

With his lover, Kid is still not a romantic. For him, sex is not a way to express his love, it’s just a way to make the both of you feels good. He doesn’t understand the making love, lovey lovey dovey, crappy stuff. Having sex with his s/o means something to him, but the romantic side of it just fly over his head.

J: Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Considering his huge sex drive, Kid masturbate a lot.

If you’re around and in the mood, then, he’d rather fuck with you than jack off. But if you’re not there, or not willing to have sex, he’ll just use his hand.

Everytime he sneaks around alone, you can be sure he’s jacking off and his crew already walk in while he was giving himself a little self-care time.

K: Kinks (One or more of their kinks)

Humiliation/Praises : Calling his partner a whore, a slut and feeling them tightening around his cock. He likes to see how flustered he can makes you with his words. But if you’re not into degrading stuff, he doesn’t mind using praises, like "look at you, taking all of my cock so well, that’s my girl", "that’s it, just take it all", "you feel so good around my cock" , "your pussy tighten around my cock, it won’t let me go, you like my dick that much?", "be a good girl and stay still" Etc

And he expects you to praise him as well. Tell him how good he’s fucking you, how good his cock feels inside you. And call him Captain in bed and you will have a lot of orgasms. He’ll make sure of it.

Anal sex : As I said in his dirty secret, Kid likes how tight anal sex feels. It always makes you flustered and he needs a s/o willingly to do anal sex from time to time.

Pain : Well, Kid likes rough sex, everyone will agree with this fact. He likes to slap your cheeks, your ass, biting your neck, choking you lightly, pulling your hair. And he also loves when you scratch his back, pull on his hair and even bite him. It will make his cock throbbing inside you.

Public sex : Kid likes to fuck you in a public place, the risk of being caught is a turn on for him. It’s just so naughty and sexy in his mind. But let’s be honest, if someone caught the two of you fucking, he wouldn’t give two flying fucks and just continues to thrust inside you. Feeling you tightening your walls around his cock because of the embarrassment will even make him growl and pound harder.

L: Location (Favorite places to do the do)

As long as he can fuck you, the place doesn’t matter. Most of the time, he’ll fuck you in the bedroom or in his workshop, with you bending over his desk.

He also likes fucking you on the deck, it matches his public sex kink. He’ll bend you over the railing, so hey, it’s quite romantic, to watch the sunset and the ocean while he’s plowing into you like the wild animal he’s.

But let’s be honest, Kid will fuck you anywhere, anytime. This boy isn’t picky. As long as you give him your consent, the place doesn’t matter.

M: Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

The rush of adrenaline after a hard battle. He’s just so horny after a fight

Whenever he needs to release some anger or frustration

If you tease him, especially around of people

If he watches you fight. It’s hot, to watch his lover fighting and it always makes blood rush down to his cock.

If you wear his red coat. It flustered him, but also makes him horny. Same if you’re wearing one of his shirts.

If you want to have the ride of your night, just wait for him in the bedroom, wearing nothing but one of his shirts wide open on your bare chest. Or wait, naked, with his coat on your shoulders. Damn, it will drive him crazy.

Seeing his lipsticks smeared on your face or neck.

N: No (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anything involving piss or shit.

Sharing is caring, but if he ever accept to have a threesome, the guy will never have the right to fuck you. Your pussy belongs to him, and only him.

Being tied up. Kid hates feeling inferior or weak. If you’re his lover, he’ll only accept to be tied with something in metal, so he can take it off whenever he wants and take back the lead.

Anything involving waters. He feels weak in it, even in the shower. He needs to feel powerful.

Pegging is not a total no, but it will only happen with his lover and when the relationship is stable and long enough. He knows where his G point is, and please, he’s a punk, he LOVES non-conformism. But being vulnerable, laying on his back with his legs spreads or on all fours, his muscular ass up, chest against the mattress while you’re pegging him ? He really needs to trust his partner, because he’s afraid to ruin his reputation. Probably a bit overwhelmed and embarrassed at the end of the experience, but it was good. Please, reassure him than having that kind of experience has nothing to do with virility and that he’s still the dangerous and well-known Eustass Captain Kid.

Roleplay : it’s so ridiculous and humiliating for him, he can’t.

O: Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

A receiver, not a giver. Watching someone kneeling before him, sucking his cock, even gagging on it, damn, it’s just feel so good.

He bucks his hips, fucking your mouth. If you drool all over his cock, it’s even better.

If you can deep throating him, it will make him cum really fast. His cock is big, not everyone is able to take his full length and girth. Just imagine this man losing his mind, cursing and throwing his head back while you deep throat him.

He, unfortunately, doesn’t go down on you often. But have you seen how this guy likes to show his tongue and lick his lips ? He knows how to use it, I can smell it. If you’re a one night stand, you’ll have to ask for having you pussy ate.

If you’re in a relationship, especially if it’s the first time you two are fucking together, he’ll go down on you, lick your pussy and drink your juice, making sure you’re wet and ready for him. Go ahead, grab his head, pull on his hair, he likes it. Considering how stubborn he’s, he will keep going and only stop after you cum at least once against his lips.

P: Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual?)

Fast and rough. This man is a beast.

He always needs to release some anger or stress, so he’s always rough while fucking you. Even more with a one night stand.

He doesn’t want to hurt you, still. But his pace will never be gentle and sensual. But he’ll adapt to whatever you’re able to take it.

He likes hearing skin slapping against skin, sounds of your wet pussy, leaving bites on your body. For him, sex is messy and rough.

I can only see two ways to force Kid to have slow sex :

If you’re a virgin and a one night stand : he’s pissed off. He wants to have fun, not to be anyone first time and all the craps it involves. So just take your clothes and get out of here. Yeah, he’s mean.

However, if you two are in a relationship, he doesn’t want to hurt you and knows his pace is not adapted for a virgin. He will do his best to take you slowly, in missionary, holding back himself. He wants to make you feel good and as you continue to fuck together, progressively, your sessions will be more and more rough and messy. His strokes would be really long and deep, hitting all the right spots. Imagine him, with his jaw clenched, sweats dripping from his forehead, growling huskily, the muscles of his arms all tensed as he’s trying his best to not slam roughly inside your tight pussy. Damn.

If you challenge him, like, betting he’s not able to fuck you slowly, this man will have the slowest pace ever, just to prove you’re wrong. At the end, he won the game and you’ll be frustrated by how slow and torturing his thrusts are.

Q: Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He likes quickie, but not that much. Let’s be honest, if you ask him a quickie, the answer will always be yes.

But he prefers proper sex, because he’s always 100% implicating in what he’s doing, so he wants to fuck your properly.

During quickie, Kid will bend you over something or carry you against a wall, skip any foreplay and just slams himself into you, his lips against yours to muffle your screams.

R: Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Kid likes to experiment, but only with his lover. With a one night stand, he wants to be in control and proves how good he’s. If you ask him to do something he has never done, then, he’s not willingly trying.

If you’re in a relationship, he can try some stuff and fantasies, but don’t you dare laugh at him if he’s not doing great the first times you two tries something new. It will really hurt is pride, he gets pissed off and less inclined to try new stuff.

Concerning the risk of being caught, well, Kid doesn’t give two flying fuck.

S: Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

His stamina is perfect, he can last for a while. Good luck.

Even with his rough pace, he can last easily 20 minutes of intense pounding.

You’ll be tired before him. He’s quite observant with you and will notice when you really can’t take much more.

His sessions are intense and you always end up breathing harshly and sweating, with your legs shaking.

Kid knows how to hold back, but you can make him cum quickly with anal sex or deep-throating.

T: Toys (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He hates toys. Are you saying he’s doing the job so poorly, you need a toy to cum ? Okay, he’s pissed off.

If you want to have a toy during your solo masturbation session, then, feel free, he will gladly create any toy you want with his DF. But when you two are fucking, no toy.

It hurts his pride.

The poor baby has a lot of pride.

Maybe he can have some fantasies, like a handmade vibrator. He’ll ask you to keep it inside you during the day and from time to time, he’ll use his DF and watch you trying to keep a cold face in front of others while the toy tease your G point.

U: Unfair (How much they like to tease)

He likes to tease you, especially with dirty talk. Just because it always makes you tighten around his cock.

He will also tease you a bit during foreplay. He loves when you beg for his cock.

But due to his lack of patience, Kid is not the kind of guy to tease during hours.

In public, if he can’t fuck you, he gets frustrated and tease you as a way to release some frustration.

If you want to tease him, feel free, but he’ll show you absolutely no mercy later, pounding into you like a fucking beast and growling about how naughty you were earlier. And if you try to squirm, he’ll hold your hips and growls to stay still. You earned this, so shut up and take it. (But of course he’s not a total dick, if you need him to slow down or even stop, he’ll listen.)

V: Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

This man can’t do anything in silence. Of course he’s loud.

He grunts a lot, talk dirty, spank your ass, all of the time.

He doesn’t scream. Just grunt and curse a lot. Just imagine him, with his low, husky voice, grunting close to your ear.

He likes to hear you scream or moan for him. So please, do it. The louder, the better.

Tell him how good he's fucking you, how huge his cock is stretching your walls and Kid will be more than happy. He's a simple man, overall.

W: Wild Card (Random headcanon)

After sex, if you’re in a relationship, he falls asleep really fast… and even if he’ll never admit it, he likes to be the little spoon. Just hold him firmly and tenderly from behind and let him be the little spoon, please.

X: X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants)

Pale dick, pink sensitive head. A few veins along the shaft, but not that much.

Kid is a big and large guy, and considering how bold and cocky he acts, his cock is long and thick af, he needs the right back-up lol. He knows he’s big and he’s hella proud of his own cock.

Length around 17/20cm (7/8 inch). And the girth is scary. Good luck if it’s your first time.

A shower, not a grower.

His balls are proportioned to his cock size and heavy.

When he takes off his pants down for the first time in front of you, he’ll probably grins while watching your scared or excited face.

Y: Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

High. Really high.

Kid is kinda always angry at something and he needs to release his frustration with sex.

He can fuck you multiple times in the same day and still be ready for more. And his refractory period is really short, too. So good luck.

In a relationship, Kid needs someone with a huge sex drive too.

Z: ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Will snore 5 minutes after collapsing on top of you.

After fucking you like a beast, he feels relaxed, his anger is gone (at least for now), same for his stress or frustration, so he’s sleepy. He’ll just clean himself quickly, or not, and fall asleep.

He doesn’t like pillow talk, but if you’re in a relationship, he’ll try to make an effort.

If it’s a one night stand and not at home, he’ll leave and fall asleep once he’s back to his ship.

#kid x reader #eustass kid x reader #eustass kid smut #eustass kid headcanons #kidd x reader #eustass kid #eustass kid imagine #eustass x reader #eustass kid x you #eustass kid x y/n #kid pirates #one piece smut #one piece x reader #one piece headcanons #kid pirates headcanons

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starrclown · 6 days

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I've see ALOT of LMK angst and I have nothing better to do (cause it's late at night) and I'm not working on my LMK apocalypse au right now sooo-

LMK ANGST HEADCANNONS

Triggerwarning for Violence, Blood, Suicidal thoughts, and other general upsetting topics.

(Feel free to leave yours below. Let's make these characters sad together!)

Pigsy gets upset when people joke about Wukong being Mk's dad. It's insulting to him, the one that raises Mk since he was so little.

Wukong is someone that craves physically touch but also can't stand it. It stems from all the violence he's been apart of + the crown messed him up alot. He was SUPER uncomfortable with Mk touching him in the beginning. It has to be on his terms if you wanna touch him.

Macaque doesn't have a heart beat anymore.

Because of Macaque never coming back when Wukong needed him, Wukong had no trust that Macaque will come back if they have a argument. He assumes that Macaque is just gone and gets upset about it. Eventually Macaque comes back and realizes Wukong's upset but he doesn't bring it up cause he doesn't know how.

Redson doesn't really understand why his father doesn't seem to like him. He assumed that his dad would be overjoyed to see him again, not how he's acting now.

Mei had many breakdowns because of her grades and the pressure to be a spectacular student.

Pigsy got bullied alot in school for being a pig demon. It wasn't everyone, most people liked him, just a specific group of kids.

To add on to #7, Tang used to beat himself up over not being able to help Pigsy. He HATED seeing Pigsy getting bullied but he knew that if he tried to start a fight he would either get beat because he can't fight or get himself kicked out of school.

Mk gets nightmares of Wukong getting forced into the scroll. Sometimes he wonders what would of happened if Wukong never got out. He usually ends up crying.

The closest thing Sandy ever got to being violent is when one of his cats scared him and he accidently dropped Mo. He cried. Alot. (Mo was fine but he just hates his cats being hurt.)

Sandy still doesn't know Hunstman is dead. He just thinks that Huntsman was scared of him so he never came back. (Guess Hunstmans my favorite and he's dead and i hate it here god dammit.)

No one can say anything about Azure or Azure's death around Wukong because he will get upset. Macaque made a joke one time and Wukong lost his shit. He's still kinda shooken up about it.

Some of the baby monkies recognize Macaque as the one disguised as Wukong that ate the monkey and passed it around. Those monkies REFUSE to be around him. They get violent if they have to be around him.

Nezha wants to see Wukong, Redson, and the others more but his job is so demanding he barely gets to leave.

Wukong physically couldn't be around Tang for long periods of time when they first met. He got more comfortable with him over time but Tang reminded him to much of Tripitaka and he couldn't handle it.

Mei doesn't yell out of anger, like serious anger alot. When she finally yelled at Wukong because of the fire, all Wukong saw was Ao Lie screaming at him. (Stole that headcannon from a friend of mine. Thanks Ainnur you ruined my life.)

Mk brought up the fact that Wukong was willing to put the fire into himself and sacrifice himself, almost certainly killing himself in the process one time. Wukong kinda laughed and just said "Yeah, had to save the world bud. It's a shame Macaque messed up my plan, the world woulda been a little bit more peaceful if me AND Lady Bone Demon died." He wasn't even trying to admit suicidal feelings, he was just being honest. This scared the SHIT out of Mk because Wukong just admitted that he can and will kill himself if he feel he needs too.

Sandy often feels left out of the group and not as important but he doesn't wanna ruin everyone's fun so he stays quiet.

Bai he was ready to die when she was found by the Monkie Gang. She wasn't scared of death anymore.

Bai he was scared of Wukong when they first met face to face. Wukong apologized and explained himself. Over time she got a little more comfortable with him. She understands why he's apologizing but at that point she was so ready to die she didn't care who did it.

Redson wants to be around Sun Wukong again but he doesn't know how to start the relationship again. Same on Wukongs part but he's a bit more forward.

Macaque gets physical in fights fast. Partly cause his fights with Peng, Partly cause of his life before Wukong, Partly cause of Lady Bone Demon. If Macaque thinks a situation will get rough, he'll try to fight but if he thinks he'll lose he'll dip.

Princess Iron Fan unintentionally critiques Redsons's looks all the time. It messes with him alot so he's quite insecure.

Mei feels the need to always be upbeat and cheerful so Mk doesn't sink to far into depression. She can tell when he does this for her but she doesn't bring it up.

Pigsy's worst fear is that Mk won't come back home. The nightmares he's had of this is brutal.

I could make more but I'm sleeeeepppy. I'll make a part two one day though. Leave your own headcannons cause seeing other people break down these characters is so fun.

(How some people think Mk will be in season 5)

- ⭐️StarClown⭐️

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sincerelystesichorus · 1 month

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me becoming a gortash apologist apparently

i never thought i'd say this. i am thinking about Enver Gortash. i'm usually not one of his apologists but... i've had brain rot for my Durge lately, and i think a big moment of developing your Durge is how you react to meeting Gortash again, yeah? you may or may not be close with Karlach but the party and Durge especially have all faced similar trauma of betrayal and exploitation nonetheless (and so has Gortash), he's already been introduced vaguely at the end of Act 2 as a threat/main villain, he worships Bane, he has general edge lord vibes (remember that bit where I'm usually not a Gortash apologist djdjdjd); what i'm trying to spit out, is there's a lot to sway you against Gortash in that first meeting. and I'd argue even a little further, as someone that followed Orin's plans of betrayal against him in my first Tav run, (just because her audacity is so damn funny.)

But anyway. Meeting Gortash. Finding out you used to be close. Perhaps homoerotically, perhaps in a strange platonic manner, or some other third thing, but nonetheless, Durge is assumably the only person Gortash has ever truly liked. He just really goes out of his way with praise at meeting again, the use of the word favorite is notable, and if Gortash had anyone worth elevating, he would, right? That was how Ketheric got here, Orin wants more credibility for herself and the Bhaalists, and Gortash... just enslaves his parents in their old home/business. But he liked you. He's really so similar to Astarion (it's nothing, you're just the only person I've ever truly cared for); he's just already a touch too far gone in his power hungry search for security. He's already repeated the cycle, years and years ago with Karlach as the main example and just the inevitability of being Bane's Chosen. And yet - Durge comes marching through the door again with this band of misfits and his old lackey he wronged, and he's willing to make a true bargain.

And I know it's just in Gortash's character to scheme, but l think playing as reformed Durge makes Gortash's potential deal all the more devastating, since he will truly follow through on his word (or, at least he would.)

It's so funny to show up dating Astarion or Shadowheart, and imagine them teasing you later that night, saying they thought you'd have better taste. Or the bitterness of being with Karlach, knowing that you seemed to be in such deep kahoots. And so on. The point is not valuing that past relationship with Gortash. Focusing on the shiny and new.

And like whatever. Gortash isn't ever going to publicly present that his feelings are hurt but like... wouldn't they? Your past lover or at the very least, only close friend struts in, now thinking they're some big shot, so beyond everything you two had ever done... when you always lived in their shadow beforehand, frankly. Gortash adores how this flawless plan was majorly Durge's, critiques Orin's sloppy manner of filling your place, how Ketheric was just a means to an end. But he liked you. The person who helped him raid Mephistopheles' vault, in turn helping him spit not only in the arch devil's face, but his past captor, Raphael's too (since Raph lives chronically in the shadow of his father, imo.) The person who thought they could formulate and enact this whole plot, and the only one he was willing to follow, to be an equal with, now coming to tell him what everyone always does, inevitably.

A final fuck you, or some form of betrayal, the same thing that caused his mess all those years ago when sold off to that warlock.

It would have to hurt, and while it's funny to imagine my little gnome Durge dying inside and cackling to the party about sleeping with an enemy and technically being the enemy... a little obssessed at the angst you could perceive of Gortash somehow falling for any crazy Bhaalspawn, nonetheless Durge, who was never one for morals, coming back renewed and not to come get him or work things out... but to slay him or turn against him. I'd send the Steelwatchers after our asses too.

In conclusion, Gortash, probably:

sigh. my bias against greasy little guys could never truly make me hate you, enver gortash. look at you, the man that you are.

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roseharpermaxwell · 4 months

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RWRB FirstPrince AU Recs - Part Two

I'm such a fan of an AU, and I love how many there are in FirstPrince. Any situation you can put Alex and Henry in, I'm here for it.

Here are many of my favorites so far, 10k+ words. Give the authors some love and let me know if you find something you adore!

And they call it— by @clottedcreamfudge. T, 10k. "You're late, but at least you're wearing a more interesting tie this time," The Dog Sitter says as he opens the door, leaning against the doorframe like he's a GQ model and not a law student slash dog whisperer. Henry's mouth feels incredibly dry.

"Mishap with my socks," he says, then immediately wants to throw himself into oncoming traffic. "I mean, I didn't have any trouble getting them on or anything — I'm perfectly capable of dressing myself."

"Good to know," The Dog Sitter says, looking amused and devastatingly attractive, as always. "David get ahold of them again? He looks at mine like I look at freshly-brewed coffee."

"Yes," Henry says, relieved. "Yes, exactly that."

Creative Differences by @sparklepocalypse. E, 10k. Zahra tilts her head at him, a contemplative expression on her face. “How attached are you to the notion of being a solo artist?”

(AU; Alex is a failed solo musician and Henry's band needs a lead singer.)

Dick, Dick, Dick (You Down) by @everwitch-magiks. E, 10k. It is a truth universally acknowledged that Henry Fox is an absolute dick.

Henry Fox is an A-list movie star, Alex is in charge of the craft services trailer on Henry’s new romcom, and Alex just might be the only person on the crew who has his doubts about the world’s unfavorable assumptions about Henry. Why would Henry be a dick just because he doesn’t stop to talk to his fans every time they crowd him? Henry Fox is probably like most people: not his best self every second of his goddamn life, but decent on the whole.

As filming gets underway, Alex learns both how right and how wrong he is. Henry Fox, much like Alex’s well-stocked buffet at crafty, is a goddamn snack — but he’s definitely not like most people.

(Alex doesn’t feel this specific way about most people.)

You Came Out of Nowhere (And You Cut through All the Noise) by @affectionatelyrs. E, 10k. Alex starts to feel worse about how he reacted to the man earlier — he’s usually all bark and no bite, but how is the bartender supposed to know that? Alex can be snarky, but he’s never cruel.

Allowing his lips to quirk up into a small smile, he replies “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Thank you, really.”

“Well,” he says with a smirk, “in the event that you are lying to me simply to placate our earlier interaction, my shift ends in 15 minutes. I don’t suppose you’d be willing to stick around to chat with a perfect stranger?”

Alex’s brain stutters for a moment at his facade being so transparent that it's all he can do to stutter out a “Yeah—um, yeah. Okay, sure.” Maybe he also gets stuck on the words perfect stranger, and the immediate thought of mmmm, perfect indeed that pops up in his brain as a result. He chooses to ignore that as well.

Or, Alex is feeling insecure after a bad date - Henry shows him that he doesn't have to be

Controlled Experiment by clottedcreamfudge. E, 10k. Basically, what it boils down to is this; Alex is mostly sober when he says - to a group of people he barely knows - "Yeah, I might be a little queer, but who knows? I'd kinda like to experiment though, y'know?"

This statement, which is actually something he's thought about a lot, is met by general bobbing of heads, in the kind of bros-trying-to-be-chill way that usually happens when a bunch of straight guys are trying very hard to be non-toxic. That is to say, it's kind of awkward, but they get mad props for trying.

The only person who isn't nodding is Henry, Pez's best friend and the only known gay man in this circle of people. Alex has no clue about the others, but he knows Henry's gay because Pez once introduced him as, "the most handsome man in all of Christendom — and before you ask, no we've never shagged, which is a damn shame. Not for lack of trying on my part, of course, but Henry's one of those gays who thinks it's bad manners to get drunk and have an inadvisable fumble with your best friend for larks."

kiss my collarbone, found my archetype by uptownwarblerr5. E, 10k. English literature teacher Henry starts a new job, and immediately meets law teacher Alex (and in the process, becomes a little bit obsessed). Alex is a clueless bisexual disaster as per usual. Nora and Pez love their stupid friends. Zahra wants to go home.

Arts and Minds by @orchidscript. T, 11k. Henry felt like he was holding the shreds of his career and dignity all in one. The most profound interaction between Henry and the colleague he respected the most – had respected and looked up to since beginning his master’s degree – was now posted online, trending across Twitter, and was now up to 23 million views. Alex showing off and Henry standing there, mouth open like a fish. He wanted to throw up. He wished he had argued back, had said anything. Instead, he had all but swallowed his tongue and sunk back to his laptop, floundering for how to push forward.

23 million views.

Henry should be angry. He wasn’t.

He was going to die of embarrassment. Zahra would make sure of it.

Art history professors go viral, then go to a conference... and there was only one bed ;)

Fox Repairs (and Basic Construction) by floatingaway4. T, 11k. “Yes, so let me get your details and I’ll come over whenever it’s convenient for you,” says the voice. It’s dark and soft at the same time, kind of...velvety...and Alex curses his brain that can’t ask a simple question but can come up with a thousand adjectives for this guy’s voice.

“My details,” Alex repeats, while his brain is busy flipping through a list of similes that would get him fired if he ever put them into anything official. ‘Like honey...like molasses….like sunshine on a cloudy day…’ Nope, that’s a song lyric. He’d get charged with plagiarism for that one.

All Booked Up by @three-drink-amy. E, 11k. A book tearing up the Bestseller’s List is quickly shoved into Alex’s hands via June and Nora. Despite his resistance, he’s taken in by the book and its whirlwind romance. When Nora insists they all go to a reading with the mysterious author, Alex is drawn in by H. G. Fox, hanging on his every word. When they meet after the signing, it sets him on a path he’d thought was impossible.

Try Me On For Size by everwitch. E, 11k. "Yeah, I might be a little queer, but who knows? I'd kinda like to experiment though, y'know?"

Henry’s carefully orchestrated nonchalance melts away in an instant.

He’d been about to do what he always does at these shindigs when the topic of hypothetical queerness is brought up; come out. In this strange little pocket of humanity — this full-volume version of reality filled with red solo cups and many a youth exploring their sexuality — making his preferences known has always been Henry’s most successful first step on his path towards getting laid. And Henry does, truly, want to get laid tonight; he didn’t spend well over fifteen minutes on his hair for bloody Instagram clout. His discreet but unmistakable rainbow wristband isn’t meant to signify allyship.

The thing is, though, that Henry’s personal gay agenda for the night may just have taken an interesting turn; Alex wants to experiment.

In which Alex does experiment, and Henry is a most willing participant.

we've been here forever (here's the frozen proof) by @onward--upward. T, 12k. Objectively, I am aware that you – a stranger – cannot tell me my own sexuality any better than I can, however... Can you, please? Tell me? It’s 4am and I have been thinking about this for hours, and I can’t sleep.

Warmest regards,

ACD

It’s four in the morning, and Alex Claremont-Diaz has managed to follow a research spiral straight down into a personal crisis. It isn’t the first time.

Kinda think that I might be his type by @kiwiana-writes. E, 12k. “Bea.” He clambers onto his knees, grabbing her hands in his own. “Bea, take me to Thanksgiving with you.”

Bea blinks. Blinks again. “What?”

“Bea, I could terrorise your gran until she’s begging you to stay single forever.”

Or, Alex agrees to be his friend's fake boyfriend for a weekend. He is not prepared for his friend's brother.

Countermelody by @omgcmere. E, 12k. On an old tour bus, tucked into the corner of a bunk bed, there's a bit of wood that gets covered up when the particleboard shifts back and forth on the road. If you catch it just after the bus has gone over the right kind of bump, you can shine a light up and find a message etched there, with the tip of a key or maybe a Swiss Army knife.

Alex discovered it within his first week of the tour. He's never told anyone about it. It says:

RULE #1: DON'T FUCK YOUR BANDMATE

Luckily for him, as a solo artist, he doesn't really have to worry about it.

Alex is opening for Henry on tour and, uh, hates him. A lot.

Elevator buttons and morning air by dollarstoreannabethchase. E, 12k. Last night, Alex hooked up with the most attractive man to ever exist after getting stuck together in the elevator of his apartment complex. He's incredible, but the second day of the job that will make or break his career is not the time to be starting a relationship; even if he kind of wants to scream every time he thinks about Henry. So you can imagine his fucking surprise when he walks into the office the next day and sees none other than his Henry—elevator Henry, blue-eyed, British, dreamy, with thighs for days Henry—standing and talking to Pez. It’s in that moment that it all clicks, and Alex realizes. He’s Henry, as in, Henry, his other boss. Henry, his boss, a.k.a. the man who was on his knees in Alex’s bedroom last night. He is so fucked.

Or: Alex and Henry get stuck in an elevator together; Chaos ensues.

coyote ugly series by @smc-27. E, 12k. The bartender, in his mesh tank top, towel tucked into the back pocket of a pair of jeans, leans on the bar, eyes twinkling, and asks, “What can I get you, sweetheart?”

You Are the Wave I Could Never Tame by bleedingballroomfloor. E, 12k. That should be it. Henry is doing his job; the pool is getting cleaned, and Alex shouldn’t think anything more of it. Then why does he feel the slightest bit of disappointment when he walks back to the pool house and Henry isn’t there?

Or, the pool boy Henry AU that I couldn't stop thinking about until I wrote it.

Count The Stars And Constellations by everwitch. E, 14k. Alex and Henry meet at their first Partner Summit. After a single night of warm smiles and intriguing conversation, Henry is more than ready to follow his heart and enter a Match with Alex. But Alex is not.

Meet Your Match by allmylovesatonce. E, 14k. Alex had first learned about soulmarks when he was 10. June had just turned 13 and had woken up that morning with her soulmark. The two of them sat at the dinner table, in awe of the mark on her wrist. It was delicate and pretty. Three hearts intertwined like a triple infinity sign. Alex was almost envious. He wanted to know who his soulmate was so badly and he wouldn't get his mark for another 3 years.

Everybody needs good neighbours by @rmd-writes. E, 14k. To nora(9.37pm):

So a funny thing happened

My hot neighbour brought me the mcflurry i ordered and we fucked

From nora (9.38pm):

WHAT

DETAILS NOW

Which neighbour?

Wait, you only have one hot neighbour. Alex, did you fuck a guy?!?!?!

ALEX

Alex meets a hot new neighbour. Shenanigans ensue.

Captious (calculated to confuse, entrap or entangle in argument) by lucky (revolutionbarbie). M, 14k. “I’m so sorry I’m late.”

Alex hadn't intended to be 45-minutes late to his blind date, he really hadn't.

Thankfully Henry - broad-shouldered, blond, British and downright beautiful - didn't seem to mind.

written in the stars by @indomitable-love. G, 15k. Henry has always been entranced by the transformative power of stories; the way a happy ending can heal an ache better than any medicine.

He never set out to run a bookshop, but when he’d ended up with an obscenely large inheritance and an expanding cavity in his chest before he was even old enough to drink, there was only one thing that he wanted to do, only one way he wanted to fill the void: he wanted to be surrounded by the one place that had always felt like home – between the covers of a book. No matter the time period or genre, Henry has always found a home in books.

falling in love (in the cruelest way) by @coffeecatsme. M, 15k. “Alex?”

The name makes Alex stop halfway to the register and look back. Henry is standing in the same spot, shifting from foot to foot, before he juts his chin out. He meets Alex’s eyes.

“Where are you traveling to?”

Or, Alex picks up a stranger on a road trip, only to realize too late he's the missing Prince of Wales.

Financial and Other Instruments by clottedcreamfudge. E, 15k. “I’m Alex,” Alex says quietly, and something in Henry’s stomach jolts. “I’m a trainee financial adviser — I think you know my mom?”

***

Financial instruments are assets that can be traded, or they can also be seen as packages of capital that may be traded... These assets can be cash, a contractual right to deliver or receive cash or another type of financial instrument, or evidence of one's ownership of an entity.

Alex has owned Henry since the second he laid eyes on him, whether Alex knows it or not.

maybe take me into your room by smc_27. T, 15k. “This is kinda boring, ma.”

She pats him on the cheek, leans in a little closer, and says, “Find something to do, darlin’. You live here. You can’t leave.”

She’s not exactly right, but he isn’t going to argue. Plus, her main advisor, Zahra, comes over. Alex is already a little afraid of her, so he doesn’t feel the need to draw attention to himself by smarting off at the mouth.

She’s still talking to him when he spots this really beautiful guy about his age, and fuck, wow. Okay.

“Not him,” his mom says into his ear, and he doesn’t even… Look, if she knows about the few guys he made out with at parties in Madrid last year when the opportunity arose, this is the first he’s hearing of it. “His dad is the British ambassador. I can’t have you breaking hearts and causing an international incident.”

OR: Ellen Claremont is the US ambassador to Canada. Arthur Fox is the British Ambassador to Canada.

When The Time Is Right by everwitch. E, 16k. “Maybe I could challenge you more,” Henry suggests, his eyes carefully trained on Alex. “And hold you accountable for longer. How does that sound?”

“That sounds fucking amazing,” Alex tells him, the words coming out in a rush. “Yes. That. Please.”

“Alright, then.” Henry offers him a sly grin. “Alex, love. You just gave me a wonderful idea.”

It’s really something, how quickly Alex’s heartbeat picks up. “Oh? Do tell.”

Henry’s grin widens. He looks alarmingly pleased with himself. “How would you feel about a staycation?”

When Alex asks Henry for something a little more intense in the bedroom, they end up taking more than just their sex life to the next level.

you'll be right where i left you by smc_27. M, 17k. He wakes up to a weird noise and - once he realizes he’s not dreaming it - starts trying to figure out where it’s coming from.

He takes a steadying breath and opens the closet door, and the scream he lets out is like, practically not human at all.

He did not fucking expect there to be a man in his closet. A man who is also yelling. Who’s tall, and hot, and wearing what seems like a wool suit, some kind of medal around his neck, and a sash.

OR, a time traveling Henry AU

Tell Me All Your Secrets by everwitch. E, 17k. When Henry dates Liam, he inadvertently learns about June’s brother Alex’s not-so-heterosexual tendencies of the past. But Alex has explicitly told Henry he’s straight. If Alex had the slightest interest in being with Henry, he'd definitely have set the record straight (ha) in regards to his sexuality. Except with pride month just around the corner and Alex making another trip to New York, Henry finds himself reexamining parts of their friendship. Perhaps there is more to their connection than he's ever dared hope for?

Or: the one where Alex and Henry go to New York Pride.

Fate Marks the Spot by @preppymayhem. T, 17k. Alex Claremont-Diaz wants absolutely nothing to do with Prince Henry of Wales and would be completely happy to never speak or be in the same room with him again.

Except for the tiny fact that Henry bears his mark.

A/K/A: What if Alex and Henry were soulmates, literally.

The Art of Falling in Love by floatingaway4. M, 17k. Alex Claremont-Diaz is a struggling actor, but his next role might be his big break. To research the role, his agent connects him with her friend at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. The employee assigned to show him around annoys Alex before they even meet.

Will they ever learn to get along?

(Spoiler alert: Yes. Yes they will.)

Cursed is a State of Mind by @dustratcentral and @welcometololaland. E, 17k. Alex Claremont-Diaz is well aware that he’s an absolute catch. He’s intelligent and quick witted, has an ass that absolutely refuses to quit and was once voted ‘most attractive law student’ in a slightly irresponsible and probably unethical NYU student magazine poll.

Which is why he finds it super fucking weird that his new roommate, Henry, thinks his caffeine consumption habits are a bit off-putting. So what if he has some unconventional drink choices? It’s not like Alex can’t vehemently defend all of them.

5 times Henry has something to say about Alex’s coffee choices and 1 time he says nothing at all.

team henesmee series by @coffeecatsme. E, 18k. Henry isn’t home when Alex returns from his weeklong trip to his father’s lakehouse in Texas.

There is, however, a bat hanging from their fan, wings curled around its little body, a drop of drool clinging to his lips. Sleeping.

“Huh,” Alex says, tilting his head. “I didn’t know vampires could actually turn into bats.”

Or, 5 times Alex learns something new about Henry and 1 time Henry learns something new about Alex.

Luck of the Draw by LolaLand (Lola_di_Penates). T, 19k. Henry isn’t an artist, but he runs an art studio. Alex isn’t in a bridal party, but he’s arranging a bachelorette.

Neither of them are looking for love, but when life gives you lemons, you throw them in the fruit bowl and find yourself the man of your dreams.

The Beginner's Guide to Floristry by clottedcreamfudge. E, 19k. As if there's anything romantic about it; as if it's not the most humiliating death Alex can imagine. This is why he doesn't do relationships. This is why he never will. The risk, as far as he fucking sees it, is too great.

Hanahaki Disease is a fictional disease where the victim of unrequited or one-sided love begins to vomit or cough up the petals and flowers of a flowering plant growing in their lungs, which will eventually grow large enough to render breathing impossible.

Route 11 by LolaLand (Lola_di_Penates). E, 19k. Alex thought the New York City subway was a cursed public transport system. That was before he moved across the Atlantic and took the route 11 bus every day.

A public transport love story told in 11 parts.

My Songs Know Secrets You're Sick of Keeping by ma_lark_ey, paythe_piper. T, 19k. "How about this," Alex offered, "If I win AOTY, I announce Henry and I in my acceptance speech. If I don't, we do it your way."

OR: Alex is a world famous pop punk star, Henry is still the Prince of England, and the public is onto them.

A Practical Arrangement by @kiwiana-writes. E, 19k. “I know.” In fairness, he didn’t ask his mom to delay the wedding after the betrothal was made official when he turned eighteen. It wasn’t that she expected another option to materialise—he’s pretty sure she was trying to give him and Henry more time to get to know each other, maybe move past their open animosity a little. They’ve been pushed together every few months for the last three years, their marriage an inevitability. “I just… I still can’t quite get my head around it, you know? Married. To Henry.”

All the Old Showstoppers by @cha-melodius. E, 20k. “Dunno, kinda looks like you know what you’re doing. Are those macarons?” Alex asks incredulously after a little while, and a moment later Henry sees him start slowly approaching out of the corner of his eye. “I didn’t know princes could bake.”

“I’d wager not many of them can,” Henry replies as he works, letting one corner of his mouth tug upward.

(In a universe where Alex didn’t go to the royal wedding, three years later Alex and Henry find themselves both competing on an episode of The Great Celebrity Bake Off. Will old hostilities lead to disaster, or is there something else causing all that tension in the tent?)

i told myself don't get attached (but in my mind i play it back) by coffeecatsme. E, 20k. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Claremont-Diaz,” the woman behind the counter says, eyes wide and apologetic. Alex grits his teeth so he doesn’t say something inappropriate in a lobby full of scared families, crying kids, and the obscenely tall British guy that’s currently giving him a fucking migraine. “Due to the snowstorm warning, all the flights are cancelled, and unfortunately the room you’ve booked is currently occupied.”

“Occupied,” Alex repeats dumbly, nails digging into his palm. “I booked this room three months ago.”

“Yes, well, the previous occupant—”

“Should’ve been out of here by now.” Alex knows he sounds harsh, he knows the stupid blond is hovering somewhere behind him listening to the whole conversation, but he can’t help it. He’s not spending what’s supposed to be his vacation alone with another guy in his room.

Or, Alex and Henry are stuck in the same room in a hotel during a sudden blizzard

For all the world to see by everwitch. E, 20k. Henry Fox — bestselling author, mystery millionaire and infamous recluse — never gives interviews. So when June is tasked with writing a profile on Henry, Alex agrees to help her. How? By posing as Henry’s next-door neighbor, charming his way into Henry’s life for the purpose of obtaining some real substance for June’s article. Eat the rich, right? What could possibly go wrong?

i wake with your memory over me (that's a real fucking legacy) by coffeecatsme. E, 21k. The ski instructor stops in front of him, takes off his goggles, and Henry about stops breathing for another reason. “Hey,” Alexander says with a grin, his face distinctly lacking in wrinkles Henry was expecting from a renowned instructor. There’s a bright grin on his face that rivals the sun, rich brown curls spilling out of a red beanie, and Henry realizes he’s absolutely fucked for a whole other reason than his inability to figure out how to stay upright in skis.

Or, the one in which Henry is hopeless at skiing despite his family's aspirations, and Mary hires Alex as an instructor to amend that.

we might just get away with it by smc_27. E, 21k. Henry is the most gorgeous man Alex has ever seen. And Alex has seen a lot of gorgeous men. He’s a fucking model.

“This is Henry Fox-Mountchristen,” Prada’s current PR lead says, and Alex smiles and pushes his hand out. “He’s a journalist covering the merger.”

Alex doesn’t know what merger or what it would have to do with Paris Fashion Week. But he does know that Henry holding a glass of champagne as he shakes Alex’s hand is maybe the sexiest thing ever, and there is just no explanation for that.

“Hi. I’m Alex.”

Henry says, “I know,” and then does this weird, forced smile at Bianca and walks away.

Alex doesn’t know how to like, not be completely obsessed with things he wants.

OR, Alex is a model. Henry is a journalist, and a bit of an asshole. Alex wants him anyway, even when it doesn’t feel good.

Fractured by clottedcreamfudge. E, 23k. Alex has been in the New York PPC for seven years, and it's seven years too long. He's not looking for his Half, because he isn't half a person. The Algorithm can kiss his sweet, Texan ass.

He doesn't need anyone - leggy, blond, or otherwise - trying to change that.

The Snow Prince by @orchidscript. M, 24k. Two little boys meet in a dream that isn't quite a dream.

Years later, two young men dance at a ball without touching.

A governor's son falls in love with an isolated prince who cannot be held.

A winter fairytale inspired by folktales, fairytales, and other stories. Alex and Henry meet twice, then fall in love a decades-old curse. When the threatened effects begin to come true, Alex endeavors to break it.

in summer air series by Standinginmoonlight. M, 25k. There’s something magnetic about Henry, though, and his feet feel like they’re rooted to the spot. He opens his mouth again and decides to just go with it. He’s on vacation, after all. Whatever fucking goes.

Or: the one Alex Claremont-Diaz flies halfway around the world to find himself and ends up finding Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor instead.

One Wild and Precious Life by @sprigsofviolets. T, 26k. In 2015, Arthur Fox was diagnosed with cancer. He went into surgery to have a tumor removed from his brain, and fell into a coma.

Nine years later, he wakes up.

Clue Me In by bleedingballroomfloor. E, 27k. Henry and Pez’s new shelter is opening in Brooklyn, and Henry is determined to spend the entire night avoiding Alex, while Alex is determined to do the exact opposite of that.

Cracked Heart by @absoluteaudacitywrites. E, 28k. Liam takes a deep breath in and out. “I’m so sorry, Alex. I’ve thought a lot about this and I don’t want to hurt you but it’s the right thing to do.” He pauses, taking another deep breath. “We need to break up.”

after hours by @dumbpeachjuice. M, 28k. “Spend the night with me. I’ll show you around the city, take you to all my favourite haunts. Give you a sample of what the real New York is like,” Alex explains, altogether far too casually to excuse the speed with which Henry’s heart has set off galloping. “Maybe you’ll even change your opinion that we Americans have no taste.”

Henry’s mouth feels sort of dry, so he swallows a large gulp of his new martini down and immediately chews through both olives to stall for time. “Why on earth would I do that?”

Alex shrugs. “It’ll be fun. I’m an excellent tour guide. I have references.”

The Byline by @rosetintednerdglasses. M, 28k. Press Secretary Alex Claremont-Diaz serves at the pleasure of the President, and he does it excellently until a new White House correspondent darkens his press room: Henry Fox, The Guardian.

Every Star That's Ever Fallen Knows the Way to Where We're Going by @dracowillhearaboutthis. G, 29k. When Henry’s family moved in next door when Alex was four years old, Alex was not a fan.

In Your Orbit by everwitch. E, 30k. Alex, a third year student at the pilot academy — and more importantly the son of the First Commander of the Unified Systems — finds himself kidnapped by a duo of interstellar smugglers, Henry and Pez. The two space fugitives soon turn out to have a plethora of problems; between a severe illness, a freighter that keeps falling apart, and a meteoroid storm raging outside, they're in quite a pinch. Alex reluctantly comes to their aid, if only to make sure they all get out of this alive.

The thing about Henry, though, is that despite everything, he doesn’t actually seem cruel. He seems the exact opposite of cruel.

muscle memory by stutteringpeach. E, 30k. It's been ten years since Alex was in London to stage a PR friendship with Henry after ruining the royal wedding. It's also been ten years since Alex dropped to his knees in front of Henry in a Kensington Palace kitchen.

But now Henry's in the Hamptons for the summer, and who should he bump into? None other than Alex Claremont-Diaz, who happens to be working in New York all summer long.

Double, Double, Acting Trouble by @welcometololaland. E, 30k. Due to no fault of his own, Alex Claremont-Diaz winds up in a theatre class.

Due to every fault of Percy Okonjo, Henry Fox Mountchristen-Windsor finds himself roped into the very last thing he ever wanted to do - following in his father’s footsteps by being thrust onto the stage. OR

Confusion now hath made his masterpiece as Alex and Henry fall in love while performing the Tragedy of Macfish.

Be Worthy Love, and Love Will Come by @sparklepocalypse. E, 30k. "For Christmas this year, all I would like is a best friend who doesn’t mind too much that I’m a prince. Most of my classmates poke fun because of who I am, or treat me like I’m too special to be their friend. I want a best friend who knows me as much as my family does and still likes me. I know that you can’t wrap a best friend up in a box and put it under the tree, but you’re magic so you know the best way to bring one."

(Movieverse canon divergence; Prince Henry, age 8, writes to Father Christmas wishing for a best friend. A few weeks later, he finds one.)

it's you and me by smc_27. M, 31k. He can’t fucking wait to see everyone. To hug Bea. To have Catherine tell him he’s handsome and tap his nose with her index finger like she’s always done. For Arthur to make some inevitably fucking terrible joke about Alex bringing two duffels and a carryon. He also honestly can’t wait to see his mom and Arthur together.

Alex just really needs this summer. He needs time away, outside of Texas, with his family and the people outside his family who know him best.

or, an indulgent summer fic in which Arthur and Ellen are best friends and their families summer together in California

Nebuchad-never had a friend like me by clottedcreamfudge. E, 32k. When the dragons came, it was like nothing the world had ever seen before – and it hadn’t been anything like the movies either. There weren’t great, leathery wings beating up hurricanes and pinpricks growing larger on the horizon until sharp, white teeth became visible; there were no screaming citizens or calls to arms; nobody saw them coming, because they didn’t come the way Hollywood had expected them to.

The dragons had, instead, crawled out of the earth, just hatched and hiccupping smoke, barely old enough to support their own heads.

The world had fallen in love in an instant.

Waiting in the Wings by DracoWillHearAboutThis. M, 33k. Henry had always known he would end up in an arranged marriage.

He had not expected, though, to end up in an arranged marriage with Prince Alex Claremont-Diaz, who he'd secretly been in love with for the past fifteen years.

when i need to get home by smc_27. E, 35k. He drives the car he’s rented up the lane and half wonders if he’s just exhausted or if the place actually looks as bad as it does.

Oh. Oh god. Christ. What’s he gotten himself into?

He can’t help thinking if Jean knew her home had fallen this far, she would’ve been heartbroken. He’s not going to let her home sit like this. He’s going to fix it. For her, yeah, but for him, too.

or: Alex inherits an English country home, and Henry lives in the cottage next door.

Seven Years by @welcometololaland. E, 35k. Seven different places, seven different timelines, seven different meetings, seven different Decembers.

And still, Alex and Henry find each other in every universe.

Take me where I cannot stand by clottedcreamfudge. E, 36k. Henry blinks at him. “Galactapol?”

“Yeah, you know – the Intergalactic Peace Force?”

“Yes, I know them,” Henry says drily, “but you said—”

“We don't have a lot of respect for them around here,” Alex informs him succinctly. “If that's the kind of line you wanna take, then maybe—”

“No, no,” Henry says hurriedly, straightening up. “Galactapol. I like it. Catchy, even.”

“Read the contract or don't, Fox,” Alex says firmly, pressing his own hand to the line of studs between the engine room and the lower corridor. “I can find another engineer if I need to, but you'll never – and I mean never – find a ship like this again in your life. Jackie's one of a kind.”

Space, smuggling, and a ship called Applejack. Everything's shiny.

Before This, After That by @orchidscript. M, 37k. Henry Fox is lost. After suffering a serious injury from horseback, he struggles through the pain, depression, and frustration inherent with long term healing. Giving up is easier.

Discontent to leave him so unmotivated, the Fox siblings go in on a new solution: a private, personal physical therapist. Enter Alex Claremont-Diaz. He comes with glowing referrals, top of his class in all his degree programs, a sparkling personality and dug-in stubbornness to match. If anyone could light a fire in Henry again, it would be him. Right?

Most People Exist by SprigsofViolets. T, 40k. Henry Fox is a nurse at the New York Cancer Center. He’s happy with his job, content enough with his life, but it all gets turned on its head when he connects with a patient with a brain tumor—Alex Claremont-Diaz.

into the spotlight by indomitablelove. E, 40k. Alex Claremont-Diaz is a star on the rise.

A wildcard up-and-coming new actor who finds himself thrust into the Hollywood limelight when he’s nominated for a Golden Globe for Best Actor for his small-budget indie movie. It’s his more than he could have imagined in his wildest dreams. That is, until he discovers that also in his category is his mortal enemy: Henry Fox – generically attractive, completely boring and part of an acting dynasty that stretches back generations. In short, everything Alex hates about Hollywood.

So when a comment Alex makes about Henry in an interview goes viral, and the two find themselves thrust together through awards season, Alex can’t help but think his dream has become his worst nightmare.

Except, maybe – just maybe – Henry isn’t quite what he seems.

Down For the Count by LolaLand (Lola_di_Penates). E, 40k. Alex came to Las Vegas to count cards, not feelings. Henry came to win it all.

Is it possible to find something real in Sin City, where nearly everything isn’t as it seems?

Goodbye reality, hello Vegas (the blackjack/poker AU).

What's Up, Danger? series by @cultofsappho. E, 41k. “How thick do you think I am, exactly?”

Alex mumbles something under his breath that sounds like, “Got away with it this long, didn’t I?”

Henry’s eyebrows shoot to his hairline. “I’m sorry, are you bragging about lying to me?”

After a long pause, Alex says, “...No.” slowly.

“Hm. Thought not.”

In which Henry can’t recognise the sound of his own boyfriend’s voice, Alex isn’t as good of a liar as he thinks he is, and living with a superhero is both exactly, and not at all, what Henry thought it would be.

In Any Universe by SprigsofViolets. T, 54k. Boy Meets Boy.

Boys Become Friends.

Boys Fall in Love.

The Red White and Royal Blue Heartstopper AU that no one asked for.

Camp Llwynywermod by bleedingballroomfloor. E, 56k. The first night of camp with Henry is always weird. Weird in the sense that they haven’t seen each other in nearly eleven months, but Alex knows that Henry has been thinking about him in the months leading up to camp. Alex is guilty of it too; often the first thing he thinks of after applying to be a counselor is seeing Henry, Henry and his stupid blond hair and stupid English accent and stupidly gorgeous face, and thinking about just how he could outdo him in pranks this year.

Alternatively, the camp counselor AU that nobody asked for.

Fall Into You by lucy_in_the_sky. E, 56k. Alex is smart and witty and kind and clever and driven…but graceful, he is not. Several stints in the ER within one semester can confirm this unfortunate fact. The only good thing to come out of wracking up his out of pocket co-pay is the gorgeous nurse with beautiful eyes and a killer smile. Maybe breaking several bones is kinda worth it.

Basically: several times Alex was a clumsy wreck and Henry had to patch him up.

The Arrangement by cmere. E, 58k. “Gran sat me down the day I finished my A levels and made it abundantly clear I was not to let anyone know about any deviant desires I might be beginning to harbor that might reflect poorly upon the crown, and there were appropriate channels to maintain appearances if necessary.”

Shaan approaches Henry with a deal from the Queen: agree to an arranged marriage with a woman to flaunt in public, and he can enjoy the services of a male escort in private. Alex comes storming into Henry’s life with sparkling brown eyes, a mischievous smirk, and a challenge, and Henry struggles to maintain control of his emotions as boundaries begin to blur.

Alex doesn’t actually care about him; it’s just a job. Right?

Down By The Water, I Saw You by @myheartalivewrites. E, 63k. “Henry straightens up, head snapping over to look at the new arrivals. Then there’s the sound of a voice he’s not heard in ten years, a voice he never thought he’d hear again.

“Fuck, I can’t cook tonight. I think I’d rather starve.”

Henry stares, mouth dropped open. A head of curly brown hair turns slowly his way and his heart explodes.

“Henry?” Alex says, and Henry can’t bring himself to reply, so he just keeps staring. Alex looks at him for a few more seconds, eyes wide, blinking furiously, before swiftly turning on the spot and walking away from him and into the woods, but not before Henry can see the distraught look on his face.”

Henry and Alex first met and fell in love as teenagers, while on holiday in Jamaica. Ten years later, they run into each other again, and have to deal with the emotional fallout of how things ended last time. And fall in love again along the way, of course.

With so much of my heart (that none is left to protest) by @kiwiana-writes. E, 65k. Alex is a former child star struggling to make the transition into being seen as a serious actor. He jumps at an opportunity to perform on stage in the UK, seeing it as a way to break free from the typecasting and show what he can really do. But he wasn’t prepared to star alongside someone he hates.

Henry is a recent theatre graduate who accepts an amazing role in a queer reimagining of Much Ado About Nothing. And then it turns out his co-star is none other than the man he’s been hopelessly pining after for years—even though Henry made a terrible first impression when they met.

It’s… well, it’s practically Shakespearean.

You Know I Love a London Boy series by @three-drink-amy. E, 66k. When Alex has a break off of work, he decides to get away and spend that time in London. On his first day there, he meets Henry and sparks immediately fly between them. As they spend the summer together, touring the city and enjoying each other, Alex continues to keep a very big secret about himself: who he really is.

Nova, Baby by chamel. E, 66k. Agent Henry Fox-Mountchristen is an asshole.

Alex is 90% sure those exact words are going in this mission report. Yeah, they’re supposed to be objective when writing this shit up, but that isn’t his opinion. It’s a fact.

(CIA agent Alex Claremont-Diaz and MI6 agent Henry Fox-Mountchristen don’t exactly get along, but that doesn’t keep their respective agencies from insisting they work together as partners. Then a mission in Colombia changes everything, and their relationship begins to shift and grow into something that neither of them ever expected… and something that could have deadly consequences.)

Shatter Me by @historicallysam. M, 67k. Henry is resigned to the life he's meant to lead until he meets a man so full of happiness and life that he's got no choice but to confront the secret he's been keeping for years.

Deep Blue by myheartalive. E, 76k. “I picture myself in a small house by the sea, overlooking the water. Writing and reading all day and taking David on long walks and swimming everyday. Somewhere really quiet, where there’s not a lot of people. And where nobody thinks of me as Henry Mountchristen.”

Fed up of working under his grandmother, Henry quits his job in London, dropping everything for a writer’s life by the sea. He’s desperate to focus on his work and produce something worthy, but a mouthy American with a beautiful smile and a chin dimple has other plans.

But I love him, whether or no. by @leaves-of-laurelin. E, 77k. Henry moves to New York City to help Pez with the opening of his new bar in the East Village. The location—fortunately for business, but unfortunately for Henry’s sanity—is directly across the street from a fire station. The sound of sirens is bad, Alex the gorgeous firefighter is worse. But when Alex helps Henry avoid a near catastrophe the night of the bar’s opening, the two form a tentative friendship that starts to develop into something more.

I'm Taking A Ride With My Best Friend by @cultofsappho. M, 79k. When Zahra, the leader of the Fireflies, makes a deal with Alex to smuggle some guy outside of the D.C. Quarantine Zone’s walls, Alex immediately says no. He doesn’t move people, not anymore. Not since his ridiculous, and definitely past-tense, savior complex got him into hot water with June.

What could possibly be so special about some scrawny refugee? When he had his gun pointed at Henry, the expression on Zahra’s face was not one he’d ever seen on her before. She desperately needs him alive. For once, just this once, Zahra isn’t the savior today. It’s Henry.

“What’s so important about him?”

“Nothing you need to worry about. He’s just cargo, Alex.”

Alternate Universe - The Last of Us

Never a Guarantee by clottedcreamfudge. E, 87k. Henry – Prince Henry, third in line for the throne of Windsor and Alex's goddamn betrothed – has very soft hands. Alex knows this because he is literally holding them in his, both of them standing in front of just about everyone with a title in either of their two kingdoms, while a man in an extremely large hat has them repeat oaths and other things Alex has been learning by heart since he got engaged.

Looking back on their time at the altar, Alex should maybe have read a little more into the way Henry kissed him like it was the last time.

the poem you make of me by cmere. E, 91k. "Just, you know," Henry says. "If your mum weren't the president and you were just a normal bloke living a normal life, what things might be like? What you'd be doing instead?"

After being discovered on Instagram as a teenager, Alex Diaz is thriving as a social media influencer and model who just landed a high profile, high fashion contract with Calvin Klein. Alex can get any girl he wants, and he’s loving it. Meanwhile, British poet Henry Fox has just arrived in L.A. to kick off a North American tour promoting his new, steamy book of gay erotic poetry, and he’s attracting a lot of attention.

Bad blood is immediately sparked between them when Henry blows Alex off at their first meeting. Several tabloid rumors and an Instagram tantrum later, Alex and Henry are reluctantly thrust together to make nice, resulting in a grudging friendship and a magnetism between them that Alex can't explain. Why is Henry's poetry making Alex feel like this? And just what is it about Henry Fox that gets to him so much?

(our last summer) memories that remain by bleedingballroomfloor. E, 91k. Fresh out of law school and fresh out of a relationship, what Alex Claremont-Diaz needs most is a goddamn vacation. He plans to spend his summer on a small island off the coast of Wales, three months of peace and relaxation and figuring out what the hell he actually wants to do with his life. But all that is thrown out the window when he runs into his ex-fling, Henry Fox, who just so happens to be running the hotel he's staying in for the next three months.

Four years prior, Henry Fox meets the most beautiful boy he's ever seen at an NYU party: Alex Claremont-Diaz. Henry soon finds himself whisked away to Texas with Alex, a summer full of poetry and skinny dipping and stolen kisses, and everything is perfect. Almost too perfect for a summer fling. Yet Henry can't stop himself from falling in love with Alex, falling for the lake house and everything Alex loves, even when he knows it's too good to last.

Two summers, two places of falling in love, one filled with memories of the last. It leaves Alex and Henry wondering: is this summer truly going to be their last one together?

A Long Way From the Playground by allmylovesatonce. E, 96k. Henry and Alex were best friends growing up until they went to separate colleges and they grew apart. When they see each other again as adults, against the odds, both living in the same city again, will it be a joyful reunion or will the pain of the years apart get in the way? How do you become friends again when there is so much of the past in the way?

Peaches and Cream do Sexy Murder series by @dumbpeachjuice and @clottedcreamfudge. E, 103k. There are precisely three things Henry knows for absolute certain:

1. There is nothing that can’t be solved by a good cup of tea.

2. His dog, David, is probably the person who loves him most in the world, and that is because Henry is the provider of sausages.

3. His sister would do anything for him, including, but not limited to, murdering his wanker of an ex-boyfriend.

Or, Henry is a witch with a slew of dead ex-boyfriends, and Alex has a badge and a gun.

The Consequences (Of our Actions) series by @anchoredarchangel. E, 135k. "I sort of came out as bisexual to both Nora and myself when we were watching that fucking snoozefest of a Royal Wedding years ago, and I told her with no hesitation that you were on my list.”

Suddenly, Henry looks very present in this previously one-sided conversation, eyes boring into him even if he sounds a little choked as he clarifies, “I was on-”

“My No Consequences sex list,” Alex confirms brazenly, “Yeah."

Or: During an inadvisable spot of dating years back, Alex and Nora made a game out of making extensive lists of celebrities they could hook up with without it being cheating. One breakup and several years later, Alex meets someone on his list for the very first time at a charity gala and decides it's appropriate to tell him all about it.

I only tag an author once per post, but I'm still figuring out firstprince author handles. If you see one I may not know or find a broken link, please give me a heads up!

RWRB FirstPrince AU Recs Part One

RWRB FirstPrince AU Recs Part Three

Master List of RWRB FirstPrince Recs

Master List of Recommendations

#firstprince #rwrb fic recs #rwrb #alex x henry #red white & royal blue

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kisses4lao · 11 months

Text

Wiggity wack yo(🍋Crewel x Fem! Reader x Sam🍋)

Real not click bait

OKAY AHHHHH so I was told by my boyfriend that tumblr is gonna think im a bot for a bit I can assure you I'm not so im offering this for peace

Okay uhm now back to the fic LOLO

♧CW!! Fem reader, fem pronouns, fem descriptions for body parts, sex with older sexy men yummy, READER IS NOT YUU!!!, reader is like staff or some shit idk make your own shit up i dont care, penis stuff, what stuff? Idk yet your guess is as good as mine, anal AND vagina sex, at the same time btw, threesome or however you spell it M/M/F, yeah you're getting them both at the same time crazy shit ik, I can take them both, what? In a fight? Who said anything about a fight? We get praised, bc my biggest kink is being loved, I love these two, im used to Ao3 im so sorry for how this is formatted, also I hella ship crewel x sam and they will be together in this fic dont you dare think they won't.

Okay so yeah the CW does have a lot of jokes in it but im nervous bc this is my first fic thats like this but it does have actual warnings btw so please read them

NOT PROOFREAD!!!

Okay now onto the fic. Enjoy, you horny goblin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~♧♧~~~~~~~~~~~~

♧It had been two months since you came to NRC for the first time.

Crowley hired you to be a counselor for the boys in the school. He decided that having a housewarden overbolt every so often wasn't worth the trouble and they needed a shoulder to cry on. And that just so happened to be you.

Crowley had made it apparent he wanted you, telling the agency you worked with that it had something to do with "women being better at comprehending emotion." You didn't mind, the pay was generous and the students were sweet enough to make you want to stay.

You already met most of the students by now, having all the housewardens in every other day just to express their family issues was something you had to deal with. Having the vice housewardens in afterwards wasn't very pleasurable either, but you had to make do. Sometimes Crowley would come in just to see how things were going, he'd say it was to "be generous", he brought you food Sometimes too.

You found yourself getting very close to the married couple of the school, Sam and Crewel. They were very sweet to you, complementing your style when you'd come in, hang out with you during break, Crewel would even bring you snacks from Sam's shop when he had the chance. You would hang out with them a lot, and though you didn't want to admit it, you did find both of them attractive, but you would never hurt their marriage.

Every once in a while, Crewel and Sam invited you over to their house. You'd have drinks, play games, get into really deep conversations about how Crowley sucked, the things friends do.

You didn't want to admit your feelings. You didn't want to admit how you'd slightly blushing when they were being nicer than usual. You didn't want to admit how your heart would beat out of its chest when Crewel would stand behind you, snaking his hands over yours to guide them to teach you how to make a margarita. You didn't want to admit how you'd get so excited when Sam would willingly buy your favorite snacks and have Crewel deliver them to you. It wasn't worth losing two amazing friends over two simple crushes.

You had just gotten done a long day of counseling all the first years, Ace and Deuce to get their counseling together. It was just as hectic as it sounded, taking up almost 4 hours of your time with other students coming and leaving when they realized how long the wait would be. You needed a way to relax and get your mind off this job. Luckily, Crewel came into your office at the end of the day and invited you over for drinks.

This was the perfect stress reliever, hanging out with your two amazing friends and having drinks sounded perfect after a long day. Crewel quickly noticed how tired you were, your disheveled appearance quaking from the little sleep you had. He decided to schedule the meet up for later in the day so you'd get some sleep beforehand. "We don't want you falling asleep on us, now do we?" Crewel gives you a small chuckle and a wink before bidding his goodbye and leaving.

Getting up from your chair with an exhausted sigh, you pack your notes into your bag and leave your office, locking the door behind you. Crowley said to always lock your office when you aren't there, something about the students being nosy and may snoop around. It didn't matter though, it was the end of the school day and the start of the weekend, who would spend their Friday snooping around in a counselors office?

Finally getting to the chamber room and walking through the mirror, you're at the part of campus where all the staff lives. Medium sized houses in a nice circle with Treins house being the biggest and in the middle. Unlocking your front door, you sigh and take off your jacket while laying your keys down on the table next to the door. Going upstairs and into your room, you take your bra and skirt off, climbing into bed after setting an alarm.

Crewel was nice enough to set the meet up back a few hours, scheduling it for 10. Giving you a nice 4 and a half hours to catch up on much needed sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~♧♧~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After being asleep for around 4 hours, you awoke to your alarm going off. It was 9:25, giving you 30 minutes to get ready.

Getting out of bed you hop into the shower to get washed up. Using the lovely sugar scrubs you usually do and washing your (H/L) (H/C) hair with a wonderful smelling shampoo and conditioner. Getting out of the shower, blow drying your hair and figuring out what to wear.

You finally decided on a nice (F/C) dress, not too skin tight, but leaving enough to the imagination to make it desirable. Luckily it wasn't out of the ordinary for you to wear something like this, so they wouldn't think anything of it.

It was getting to the time of leaving, so you quickly pack your things and head out. Closing the door behind you, you walk across the empty street and make it to their door. Since they lived in the same house, you would often catch them walking out early in the morning. It was convenient to say the least.

Knocking three times before the door opens with enthusiasm, you're greeted with Crewels smiling face as he greets you. He holds the door open as you walk in, taking your bag and coat off and putting them on the hangers near the door. Sam greets you from the kitchen, beckoning you to come and see him.

When you do, he has a bunch of machinery on the counter. "Sam used to be a barista before he started working here. He stopped a long time ago, but his love for coffee didn't. We decided to invest in some machinery to indulge in his hobby. Expensive, but worth it to see him happy." Crewel says as he walks behind you and gives you a smile.

"I've always loved working with coffee, the pure smell alone is enough to drive a man, me, wild. Come here, I'll show you have to work an expresso machine!" Sam says with a huge smile on his face. Something tells you alcohol isn't being involved tonight, perhaps its for the better.

Walking over to Sam he steps behind you and guides your hands to the different cups and powders to make a shot of expresso. Did Crewel and Sam always have similar ways of teaching? They aren't like this to the other staff..

After making the expresso, Sam grabs some coffee he brewed earlier. Pouring it into a mug and the expresso on top, he starts the foam art. Watching him pour the foam in different directions was almost mesmerizing, and soon enough, you had a little foam kitty! How cute!

Sam had finished his and Crewels coffee and you sat down at the coffee table with them. They were silent, more than usual. Their eyes would dart across the room, occasionally landing on you but quickly shifting focus. It seemed as though they wanted to say something, but couldn't figure out how to put it.

"Is something wrong? You guys are awfully silent tonight, I hope I didn't upset you in anyway-" you trailed off, trying to figure out what was going on.

"No, no! Its not you at all!" They both practically shouted while jumping from their chairs, spilling some coffee in the process. Grabbing some tissues and sitting down, they clean themselves up.

"Look, we've been meaning to ask you something- its just- we don't know how to exactly ask about it." Sam says, Crewel still trying to dab some coffee off of the vest hes wearing.

"We think that, maybe, we can open our marriage, but, just to you. We want to try things with you, see what we like, experiment a little." Crewel adds with flushed cheeks. He must be pretty nervous about this.

Sam takes a nervous sip of his coffee before continuing on what Crewel had just stated. "We trust you. We think that you're the only person that could be fit for this, and we're willing to help you explore that side of you. The 'nastier' side, so I've heard the kids say."

Well that was a lot to take in, a bit too much actually. You had felt your entire face heat up as you realized what they meant. A sort of rush of adrenaline creep in. Was this actually happening? You've wanted it bad since you first met them, but you never thought it would actually happen.

Sam and Crewel looked at you as you completely space out. You could feel the tension in the air, their stares getting impatient as their cheeks formed new colors you'd never seen on them.

"We completely understand if you don't want to do this, we won't force you into anyth-" Crewel chimed in after deciding the silence was too much, but was then swiftly cut off.

"I'll do it. I mean- I want to, that is. I've been wanting to, I just didn't want to make you guys uncomfortable. I mean, you're always so sweet to me, I thought we just had something platonic going on, but I had no clue you guys felt the same." You say while practically being out of breath. Pressing your thighs together as an instinct, Crewel quickly switches his gaze to a lovely house plant as his cheeks heat up more.

"Are you sure you want to do this? We'd never force you into anything, but we do want your full consent." Sam practically sighs out. Crewel is still red, but now is occasionally sparing glances at you.

"Yes, im sure. You may do whatever you please." Chuckling, you say with a smile directed to them. Sam gives you a soft smile while Crewel stands up from his chair.

"I'll get everything situated. Sam, if you want to take her into the bedroom and get her situated, that would be appreciated, I'll be in as soon as I'm done getting everything ready." Crewel says while walking out of the room, giving you both a wink on the way out.

"Alrighty then! Let's get you ready!" Sam yells while taking your hand and leading you to the bedroom. When you walk in, you take in the beautiful scenery. Large king sized bed, beautiful red curtains, their bedroom is huge! "Dont be intimidated, Crowley decided to give us extra space. He says we're his 'little gay friends.' We're not even completely gay! Wiggity wack, yo!"

You were so grateful that Sam knew how to break the silence and make you comfortable you didn't even notice he had left your side to go to one of their personal cabinets. "We had been planning this for awhile, we just didn't want to scare you away is all. Crewel and I had picked up a few sets of lingerie for you. You can try them on while we wait for him to get back! No pressure of course. I just figured you may not have expected something like this to happen and you wanted to change into something more... fitting... for the occasion."

Then, it hit you. You were wearing such normal panties, it hurt! Shame on you, shame on you!

Going to the cabinet, you skimmed through the sets of lingerie. None really caught your eye, until you landed on a lacy white two peice with pearly accents. Sexy, baby!

"Oh, you like that one? Thats Crewels favorite. Hes gonna go batshit crazy if he sees you in that! Personally I dont give a shit what you're wearing, you'll be naked and in my arms by the end of the night so it doesn't matter." He says with a smug look on his face. Was that... a threat? Why was it sexy for him to say if it was? He was leaning with his arms crossed on the cabinet, looking for any sign that you were uncomfortable. They really were putting your needs above theirs.

"Go! Try it on! I wanna see Crewels face when he comes back!" He lightly shooshes you away with a hearty laugh that made your cheeks red. After showing you to the bathroom, he leaves you to the privacy of the semi cold, hard floor room. Getting changed, you heard the door open and Crewel walk in. Sam and him were talking about something you just couldn't hear what. Putting the panties to the lingerie set on, you had realized they untied at the sides. How convenient! Stepping outside, you felt their eyes practically rip you apart.

"Hot diggity dog! I'm so sorry, that sounded so weird oh my god." Sam slaps his face before cupping his eyes in embarrassment. Crewel sent him a death glare before looking back at you with wide eyes and completely red cheeks.

"Uhm.. we should uh.. go over safety precautions. Our safeword is going to be, 'blue', understood?" Crewels voice was shaky and he was clearly avoiding your gaze, but he did sound serious. Shaking your head yes, he continues. "Alright. Remember, any time you get uncomfortable, or you want to stop, or anything, just say the safeword and we'll stop immediately. As for everything else, I got some things for us. Just to make everything a smoother process is all. Lube, vibrators, simply just things to have your body relax. As for protection, both Sam and I can't have kids. In our defense we didn't think something like this would happen."

"In short, you're gonna be fine. We'll make sure you're treated nice and good, don't worry. Crewel and I are, as the kids would say, 'freaks in the sheets', but we'll wait until later dates to actually try those things with you. If you're comfortable, that is." Sam smiles at you. It was comforting to see all the precautions they're taking.

"I'm okay with anything really, I mean, I dont have very much experience but im willing to try things out! It's just, im a bit nervous is all.." Sam looks at you as though he's seen something so otherworldly gorgeous he can't explain it, and he gently takes your hands.

"Hey, dont be scared, okay? We'll go as slow as you want, and if at anytime you want to stop we will. We just want you to have a good time." Sam winks as he gives your hands a gently squeeze of reassurance. Crewel was silently taking off his coat all the while looking at the way the lingerie was hugging your body. Blush was covering your cheeks as you take your hands out of sams grasp and cup them together in a nervous fashion.

"Thanks.. its just this outfit im wearing is starting to be a bit uncomfortable." You say while looking away from their prying eyes.

"Well let's take it off then." Crewel says with a grin on his face while making eye contact.

"Mhm. I agree. If its making you so uncomfortable we should take it off." Sam says while giving you his signature grin. He takes your hand and leads you to their shared bed, sitting you on his lap in the middle of the comfortable mattress. Crewel followed and crawled towards the two of you, while landing front of you and spreading your legs gently.

Sam slowly leans into the crook of your neck, "I'm gonna take these off, okay?" He whispers in your ear as he places the strings of your panties in his fingers. Nodding in agreement, he gives the shell of your ear a soft nip, earning a small yelp from you, making the men giggle.

He slowly takes his fingers and pulls on the drawstrings, Crewel in front of you, watching in anticipation. Shyness taking over, you instinctively shut your legs close when Sam begins to take the peice of loose fabric off.

Crewel places one hand on your inner thigh and pries them open, clicking his tongue while shaking his head in light hearted dissapointment. "Ah-ah, no hiding sweetheart, cmon, you'll be begging to be touched more by the end of the night, we have to start somewhere, dont we?" Crewels voice was laced with last, you had never heard him act like this before, but God you wanted more.

You you began to crawl up Sams lap in a stroke of nervousness, to which he only gave a soft smile at. "You'll be a good girl for Divus, wont you? You'll be so good for him, let him eat you out, right?" Sam says from behind you in a teasing tone, while Crewel waited patiently for your response. Nodding yes, Crewel dove between your legs like a starved man.

A loud moan escapes your lips from the sudden burst of pleasure, earning a chuckle from the man behind you. Placing both hands on Sam's thighs in an attempt to keep your balance, you only ended up digging your fingernails into his skin. Leaving harsh, painful nail marks on his legs, Sam groans at the sudden pain. He takes his hand, interlocking it in Crewels hair and pulling him forward so he can reach deeper parts of you. You moan loudly at Crewel being able to hit spots no one else could, and Sam takes his hand out of Crewels hair and places two fingers on your clit, making circular motions with light pressure.

With all the stimulation, it doesn't take long for you to cum, which you do with a loud moan. Crewel licks all of your juices up and swallow them in a single motion. "Delicious, as expected." He says as he softly caresses your cheek for comfort. Sam begins to rub slow circles into the flesh of your thigh, giving them light pinches every word often.

Crewel begins to unbuckle his belt with one hand, the other still stroking your cheek. "Are you alright with taking us both at the same time? Its alright if not, we can take turns if you'd like." Crewel makes eye contact with you as he asks, making you swallow hard in anxiety. As you begin to think, Sam lays his head in the crook of your neck in anticipation.

"I'm alright with taking you both at the same time, its just please be slow, im a little scared is all... this is my first time doing something like this..." you say as a small chuckle comes from them both. "Of course we'd be slow silly! You're our main priority, so we just want to make you comfortable." Sam says as he kisses your neck and slowly retreats from his resting place on your shoulder.

"I'd suggest you prepare her for... well, anal. You're alright with that, right?" Crewel asks with concern in his eyes. Now THIS was something you didn't expect tonight, but not unwelcome.

"I'm okay with it! But please, please be gentle, I've never done this before." You say as you look behind you at Sam. He gives you a smile before ruffling your hair. "I know I know, I'll be gentle I swear." He says as he begins to let his slender fingers roam to you ass. "Get ready, okay? This is gonna feel weird and possibly hurt for a minute, but it'll get better."

Taking a deep breath, you nod your head. Sam takes one finger and begins to slowly inch his way in, letting you stretch out. You slowly grown out at the alien feeling, gripping Sam's thighs harder than you were before.

He begins to curl his finger in you, slipping in another one as you start to loosen up more. Crewel could sense the way it hurt, he leaned down and started kissing and rubbing your thighs gently, hoping it would help you ease.

Sam could feel you loosen from this, to the point he was able to slip a third finger in, earning a moan from you. He began to curl his fingers upwards as he kissed and sucked on the sensitive skin of your neck. With the stimulation, you ended up cumming after a few minutes.

As Crewel lapped up your juices again, but gently this time as to not overstimulate you, Sam began to praise you more. "Look at you, doing so good for us, taking us so well. I cant wait to have you coming undone on us." Sam said as he placed a light kiss on your cheek.

Crewel took the rest of his clothes off, leaving him in just his boxers, letting you stare in awe at how well built he was. He took your hand and let you sit in his lap. "Just a second doll, Sam needs to undress himself." He says as he buries his face in the crook of your neck, placing sweet kisses on it. After a minute, Sam was done and was also in just his boxers, guiding you back onto his lap.

"Which hole ya wanna take? Rock paper scissors? No, thats too cliche.." Sam rambles on. "I'm fine with whatever, what do you want, y/n?" Crewel tags into the conversation as he scoots closer to the two of you, holding your waist in the process.

"I'm okay with the position we're in right now, with you being in the front, Sam in the back.. it seems fine like this." The men smile at how genuine you're being, voicing your concerns, ect. Its cute to them. They nod and hum in agreement as Crewel grabs a bottle of lube.

"I reckon I won't have to use this as much as you will, Sam. Take it slow, hurt her and I'll beat the shit out of you." Crewel says with a smile on his face, sort of whispering that last part.

"I am gentle! I'm always gentle, some would even call me a gentleman!" Sam says with a playful scowl, taking the bottle from him. You begin to giggle as you see Crewel slowly take off his boxers, reveling his already, very hard member.

"Sorry love, you looked too cute, couldn't help it, yknow?" He says, giving you a wink as his breath speeds up. You feel Sam shifting under you and you feel him take off his boxers, throwing them to the side.

Oh no, they're both huge! Crewels is long, around 7-8.5 with reasonable girth, while Sams is 6.5 and a lot thicker. How are you gonna take them both at once?

"I know what you're thinking, you'll be alright. We'll take it slow, build up speed with time." Sam says as he places a quick kiss on your temple. He squeezes the lube on his hand, rubbing it together to warm it up before putting it on his cock. Earning a hiss from him, he sighs and places both hands on your waist. Lifting your body up, both him and Crewel line themselves with your holes, and wait for your confirmation.

Placing both hands on Crewels shoulders, you nod your head before they begin to slowly sink themselves into you, stretching you out more in the process. Moans from all three of you fill the room as they lower you down more and more.

Once they are fully in, they both huddle close to your body, singing you praise after praise as they wait for you to let them move. After a few minutes pf being out of breath and simply just panting you give them the go ahead.

"You can move, I'm okay now." And with that, they pull their torsos away from you and place their hands on your waist. Starting at a slow pace for you to get used to it, they slowly and gradually add more speed as they both bounce you on their cocks.

Sam rests his head on your shoulder, panting in your ear as his grip on you tighten and his muscles tense. Crewel doing the same, but while bouncing you, he begins to thrust upwards when you come down to make a larger impact, earning a loud moan that makes you tense around them.

Ssm gets jealous of how Crewel seems to be fucking you better, so he starts to do the same, meeting his thrusts with your timing. You were all moaning messes and by the looks of it, none of you could last very long.

Sam grits his teeth as his hands make their way to your tits, softly squeezing and pinching them. Crewel let's his hands wander to your pussy, taking his thumb and rubbing circles on your clit. You dont last long after they begin to do this, and cum for the third time this night, riding out your high as Sam and Crewel chase theirs.

You can feel Sams breath speed up and grow more hoarse as his grip on your thighs and breast slightly tighten. "Shit shit shi-" a loud groan erupted from his chest as he spills his seed in you. Crewel falling seconds after, cumming in you as he thrusts upwards, keeping it in.

You all lay on the bed for a few seconds, basking in eachothers presence while catching your breath. Crewel slowly pulls out, earning a whince from you. He walks into the bathroom and comes back seconds later with a wash cloth.

"Cmon Sam, you gotta get out." Crewel says as he looks at him, with a whine Sam pulls out too, letting both their juices spill out of you. "Such a good girl for us, keeping all our cum in her. You did so well for us dear." Crewel says as he cleans you up. Lightly dabbing the cloth on your now sensitive areas, he softly chuckles at the way your body reacts.

Sam walks to the other side of the room, going into a small fridge and grabbing three waters and a few snacks. "I've got waters for all of us and some chocolates for the girl of the hour." He says with a wink. Crewel is done cleaning you and goes to throw the soiled towel in a wash basket as Sam opens your water and chocolates.

Replenishing your thirst and munching on the surprisingly delicious chocolates, Sam picks you up unexpectedly and moves you to the front of the bed. "What, you didn't think we were gonna kick you out after this, did you?" Crewel says chuckling as he comes back from being in the bathroom.

"Honestly, im not sure what to expect from you guys anymore." You say with a chuckle. Both men chuckle aswell as they make it into bed with you, sandwiching you between them. Shifting the pillows and blankets around until you're all comfortable, you lay in a comfortable silence.

As you all say your goodnights as the lights in the room turn off, you can't help but think of what situation you're in. Having two men who just fucked you into oblivion now cuddling you goodnight? You could get used to this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~♧♧~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: im lorde yaya im lorde yaya

#twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland smut #twst crewel #twst divus #divus crewel #crewel x reader #divus x reader #sam twst #sam twisted wonderland #twst smut #crewel smut #twst sam smut #need these men so bad wow #im down so bad for them #crying screaming rolling on the floor

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yanderelovlies · 18 days

Note

Could you possibly write a fanfic with Joseph and the reader going on a coffee date? Or something related to a coffee shop in general? Thank you lol-

Note: I think this is a really cute idea ngl

let me know if you want a part 2 👀

Fandom: SWWSDJ

Character: Joseph

Pairing: Joseph x gn!Reader

Being an actor is hectic, especially if you're an actor for a popular kids TV show. Between shooting for shows, meet and greets, guests appearances, and much more, Joseph hardly had time for himself. Luckily for him, he found solace in a little corner coffee shop not too far from his apartment.

He loved this shop not only for coffee and convenience but because no one recognized him here. Because there were never children here, he never had to worry about some kid coming up to him and asking questions some mostly about his change in appearance. Instead, he got to sit down and take a moment for himself while drinking coffee. It was nice and relaxing.

Joseph had been going to the coffee shop for so long that not only did he notice when someone new came. So when you walked in business attire looking frazzled and rushed, it caught his attention. From the occasional glares he gathered, you worked in some office and were running late. However, probably much like himself, you could start a shift without coffee so you can to closest one you could find.

He shrugged it off, not thinking much of it before looking back out the window. You were cute and definitely looked his type, but he didn't think he would see you again.

He seemed to be wrong as you slowly became a regular in the little coffee shop. Sometimes, you came in like you did that morning. Other times, you came in happy and ready to take on the day.

He also began to notice little things about you. Like how you would style your hair when you're not rushed or how your face would light up as soon as the coffee hit your hands. The more he witnessed, the more tempted he was to approach you, but he always remembered his work life and kept to himself.

Once again, he was proven wrong when one day, on one of his rare days off, he decided to go to his favorite coffee shop again. When he got there he was surprised to see how busy the place was. It was unusual for such a hole in the wall place to be so busy, but he didn't mind too much since his usual table was free, and still no one seemed to recognize him.

He sat at his table, sipping his coffee while watching the world outside continue to move and exist. It almost felt surreal to Joseph when a light cough caught his attention. now startled, he turns his head to see you nervously holding your coffee cup while standing in front of his table.

"Excuse me? I'm sorry to bother you b-but this place is full. Would you mind if I sat with you? I-I promise not to say a word!" You looked nervous, and the blush on your cheek only solidified it.

"Oh... uh..." He looked around before looking back at you."Yeah....sure."

You seemed to perk up as you gave him a quick. "Thank you so much!" Before sitting across from him.

You kept to your word as silence fell over the table. Joseph tried to resume just staring outside and waiting for you to leave, but your presence was more than he could handle, so he finally spoke. "You're a regular here, too, huh?"

You looked up at him with a smile. "Yeah! their Carmel frappe is my favorite! I prefer it over strawbucks. You're a regular, too, right?"

Joseph nodded. "I just get their black coffee then sweeten it to my taste. Sometimes, i feel like if i order anything else, it's too sweet for me."

You smiled and nodded. "I can see that. I guess I just have more of a sweet tooth than I thought."

Conversation between the two of you flowed easily after that. It felt like he was talking to an old friend. When you finally had to leave, Joseph could feel a rush of sadness wash over him. "Will.....you come back?" he asked

You looked surprised at the question before that surprised turned into another radiant smile. "Of course! I wanna come back and talk to my favorite fellow regualr.

Joseph really liked that sound of that, and to your credit, you did just that. Every day after, you would greet him and have a conversation with him while you waited on your coffee. He learned of your office job, how you loved to stay up late to read, and how you never seem to hear your alarm on time after late night reads.In return, he gave you a little glimpse into his life. The hectic shooting days, silly interviews, and the bright smiles of the children.

Joseph enjoyed sharing happy memories with you, and by the smile on your face, he could tell you enjoyed it too.

Eventually, the two of you exchange numbers, and it was on that day that Joseph decided he was going to make you his. Even planning the first date at that little coffee shop.

#sunny day jack #swwsdj #something's wrong with sunny day jack #x reader #sdj joseph #joseph x reader #sunny day jack joseph #sdj joseph x reader

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factual-fantasy · 5 months

Text

I have 25 Asksskssks :0000

No one in the group can pacify, no. <:/

But this just made me imagine Seam pulling up with a Ralsei and he's just like "Ok do it now-" Ralsei pacifies Jevil and he falls flat on his face. Totally asleep, just- dead to the world.

"Thank you, I can never get him to sleep. What a stubborn jester he is." Seam picks Jevil up and just walks away with him XDD

@dragonlover123456

Whenever I feel like drawing it. Heck, I might not draw another series at all 🤷‍♂️

Yeah! I figured it would be restricting if the clothes on the animatronics were real <XD

Also THANK YOU! :DDD I'm usually not so sure about that part of my comics, so I'm glad to hear that you like it! :}}}

Oh! No no, Sunny and Moony are the same person. The daycare attendant is 1 animatronic, with 1 personality. He is 1 person.

In the true swap, DA swaps with DJMM.

In the partial swap, DA doesn't swap with anyone. Him and DJ's theme both just get changed up a bit.

@scrimbly-mc-scrombly-iii

AAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH!! :DDDD 💖💖💖

@kaiserdarken

I don't think the animatronics would understand the significance of Christmas like we do..

To them, Christmas is just that time of year where the Pizzaplex gets decorated with trees and shiny things. Their cued songs change and they get temporary redesigns for about a month or so. Then suddenly all the decorations get torn down and everything goes back to normal. :/

I can see Freddy liking just a simple Pepperoni. :) Same with Bonnie!

Chica probably likes all pizzas, but maybe her favorite is a pizza with absolutely all the toppings. Spinach, Black olives, Sausage, extra cheese, Mushrooms, onions- just put everything on there! XD

I'd like to think that Foxy is surprisingly a bit picky with his pizza and prefers a plain cheese. :00

Monty probably likes most pizza's but maybe he openly prefers Hawaiian pizza?

Roxy probably also likes Hawaiian pizza but is afraid of being judged so never eats it :(

@thelocalbadartistta

I DO love slime rancher! :DD I "beat" the first game and I forgot to play the second one- :x

Also thank you! :DD

Thank you!! :DD I'm glad you like what you see! :}}

@insanityislife101

I have seen that episode but I don't remember much of it... what headcannon are you referring to..?

Jevil would probably see all these people who are trapped and losing their minds and offer to take them all with him. Out into the multiverse to find freedom and a new home..

Although I wonder if he could even do that. Their digital nature might prevent them from traversing into the multiverse <XD

@badlyblurry

Those penguins look like they live an a tropical environment.. Which Peso's family does not... :((

Also my Peso isn't an Emperor, he's a Royal! :)

AWWWW I LOVE THAT IDEA!! I think I've seen the comic you're talking about! :DD

@trainer-sean

@itsgemystic

In the edn..

In the... eden...

In.. the...... e d e n

Google seems to say that male calico cats are possible. They're just extremely rare (1 in 3,000 up to 1 in 10,000) and they have an XXY chromosome which can cause Klinefelter's Syndrome.

After all the googling I did I decided to add this fact to my Calico Jack lore XDD

SO my new canon is, on Kwazii's mom's side of the family there are generation after generation of Calico daughters. Having a male calico is extremely rare so most of his moms family are all female calicos. BUT, his great, great, great, etc- Grandfather was a rare male calico. His name was Jackson something Calico. He was pirate legend and all that stuff.

Jackson had some daughters and then generations later the second male would be born to the calico line. Kwazii's grandfather! They named him Jackson too after the first male Calico in their bloodline. Jack is aware of his rarity and is very proud to bear the name Jackson.

Now Kwazii's dad was an orange tabby. So he was born male and has most all the fur patterns his dad did. Say for there being a little more white than is usually seen in tabby's coat. Maybe he got a bit of that from his Calico mom.?

@yeetmysoulintothevoid

SKLSKASJN WAAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! THAT MEANS THE WORLD TO MEEEEE!!! 😭😭😭💖💖😭✨✨

Also I actually haven't heard of that game.. it sounds interesting though! 👀

Bash would probably take all the clay, make it into a ball, and then add spikes to it. Wait till it hardens, and then through it at people XDD

@dovelylittlebird

WAAA THANK YOU VERY MUCHH!! THAT'S SO KIND OF YOU TO SAYYY WAAAA💖💖💖

I don't recall making a post like that.. anyhow, my algorithm now is "I post whatever I want, whenever I want" <XDD

I don't have a schedule or an algorithm I'm trying to follow. I just draw whatever I want and post them whenever I want to.

The ask posts though, those are dependent on my followers. Usually when I get to 30-40 askes stored up I compile as many as I can and answer them in one go. :0

I don't take any requests, no. But if someone asks about my AU's and wants more insight on something, that usually interests me enough to want to draw something for it. Like just now I have two asks stored away because I'd like to draw something for them..👀

But that doesn't mean that every ask like that will get a drawing. A lot of the time those asks just make me think and I type out a response instead. I'm always open for those asks though and would read all of your suggestions! Just don't ask them expecting me to draw them because 9 times out of 10 they wont get a drawing-

@skellacant

My advice would be to base your OC on an already existing animatronic. That way it looks related to the other animatronics and fits in a little better :0

So in my opinion your options are animatronics like Ballora, Circus Baby, Puppet, Ennard, Balloon boy.. you know, the "human" characters. You could use one of them as a reference and make something similar but with a skeleton theme.

For example, the Puppet. You could make your own puppet with maybe different proportions, and a skull mask instead of a clown(?) one. Maybe instead of stripes on the arms it could be a cartoony bone pattern. Instead of buttons on the chest it could be 2-3 ribs on each side. Stuff like that! :}

Oh no no- The partial and true swap follow the formula of the classic AU.

So in the partial swap, Foxy was sane and helped guide Gregory through the pizzaplex. Gregory escapes with Foxy's help, but later returns. Foxy takes him to the basement where Gregory snoops around and finds Chica. Later on Chica and Gregory snoop around and find Freddy. Monty, Roxy and Bonnie don't remember Gregory and they're not aware that he's in the basement.

Now in the true swap, Bonnie was sane and helped guide little Vanessa through the pizzaplex. She escapes with Bonnie's help, but later returns. Bonnie takes her to the basement where she snoops around and finds Chica. Later on Chica and Vanessa snoop around and find Freddy. Monty, Roxy and Foxy don't remember Vanessa and they're not aware that she's in the basement.

Seam is currently collapsed in the snow somewhere having big old man sleepy time✨

@beryl-shade

Actually, in the most recent FNAF comic that I made, that's exactly what Gregory was doing! :00 He was trying to take the arm off to hopefully tape it onto Bonnie and give him a new arm <XD

Who's to say it would have worked-

#my response #fnaf security breach #octonauts #deltarune #undertale #transformer ocs

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immaturityofthomasastruc · 10 months

Text

IOTA Reviews: Migration

You know, for a while, I thought Luka was one of the smartest characters in the show, and the fact that he's hightailing it out of Paris in this episode only continues to prove my point.

Let's get into the thirteenth episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fifth season: Migration

We start off with Marinette running over to the Liberty (with her friends laughing behind her back like the supportive people they are) and tries to talk with Luka about her relationship with Adrien once they're in private. Luka is pretty supportive, and it's a nice scene. Marinette then bumps into Adrien, who also wants to talk with Luka, and while the two try to get unstuck, we get a nice visual of Luka seeing the two as Ladybug and Cat Noir, which is there to remind the audience that he's known who both of them are ever since “Wishmaker”.

Adrien then talks to Luka about how he's worried something is keeping Marinette from being honest about her feelings. Luka gives him some advice on how just because he doesn't know everything about Marinette, it doesn't make her feelings for him less valid, and vice versa.

After Adrien leaves, we get an appearance from everyone's favorite deadbeat dad, Jagged Stone. He asks Luka how he can be a better father like he didn't miss years of child support, but all Luka really says is that he needs to spend time with his damn family. Of course, what I like about this scene is that it avoids the usual narrative pitfall of trying to say that Jagged and Anarka, Luka's mom, should get back together, and instead shows Jagged developing feelings for his agent, Penny.

Speaking of, after Jagged leaves, Penny comes in to come to Luka for advice. Okay, is Luka just the Dr. Phil of this show's universe? Penny talks to Luka about her sudden feelings for Jagged Stone.

Penny: No, I don't know why I'm in love with your father. He's disorganized, childish, selfish, and musically speaking, he's no David Bowie. Truth be told, your dad's a walking disaster. So why do I love him?

Luka: Does he make you happy, Penny?

Penny: Yeah. I just can't figure out why!

It's almost like this show will randomly pair people up at the drop of a hat. But hey, at least Luka hasn't asked if Kagami is single yet.

Before Penny leaves, Bob Roth, Jagged's producer, demands to know where he is, as he needs to record a new album. Bob learns that Jagged had children with Anarka (ignoring the potential scandal it could create), so Anarka promptly throws him out of the boat in a scene that I'm pretty sure is meant to be a reference to that one running gag from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

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Either way, Jazz's scream was funnier.

Kitty Section then practices their latest song about how you don't have to be rich, because even the songs in this show aren't exactly subtle with their messages. Bob somehow gets back on the Liberty completely dry, and offers the band a contract.

Bob: How would you like to sign a contract with me?

Luka: Actually, Bob, you already offered to sign us... Marinette: And you never followed up. Did you forget?

Bob: Huh? Uh... of course! I remember! I was just waiting for the right reason—uh, I mean, the right time! I was waiting for the right time to have you guys sign the contract!

My God, even the characters in this show want to forget it used to have good episodes.

Anarka throws Bob off again, where she and Luka talk about how everyone deserves a second chance and that change is possible.

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Yeah, funny how that message almost never came up with Chloe, Lila, and Felix last season, isn't it? And given that they're going to use Bob as an example of this lesson, I don't think it's going to be a positive one. So right after Luka generously decided to give Bob a second chance, Bob offers them a new contract to sign... and as soon as he does, he screws them all over thanks to a lot of fine print they didn't stop to read.

Ivan: He can fire us whenever he wants?

Bob: Yep, and I just did, by the way.

Rose: The name Kitty Section belongs to him?!

Bob: Yep. It’s ugly, but it’s mine. Marinette: He owns everything you’ve made and will make over the next thousand years!? Bob: Gotta cover all bases.

Zoe: Marinette's costumes, the music video Nino shot, the website Mylene runs...

Bob: All mine!

Adrien: And you can’t even start another band together?

Bob: Course not, that’d be unfair competition! EVERYTHING belongs to me! Everything you are, everything you say, everything that’s in your hearts belongs to me!

See, kids? This is why you should never trust bad people. It doesn't matter if they say they want to improve. They just want to trick you and ruin your life, so if you're ever wronged by anyone, that person is never able to redeem themselves, especially if they're rich. As we all know, rich people are far worse than insane supervillains who want to rewrite reality. Just ask the biggest monster in the show, Chloe Bourgeois.

So yeah, Luka's optimism being taken advantage of is enough to attract the attention of Monarch, who attempts to akumatize him into Silencer again. Monarch realizes that Luka knows Ladybug and Cat Noir's identities (why he didn't think to look into it, given Viperion's powers, is left unanswered), and angrily smashes his guitar to free himself of Monarch's influence.

So not only did he stop himself from getting akumatized, he's also one step closer to becoming a true rock star.

Somehow, Bob thinks only keeping Luka on board would mean he wouldn't hate him, but Luka isn't buying it. Bob is shocked that Luka wouldn't want to work for an asshole like him as Luka tears the contract in half, but Bob has backups. Monarch decides to settle on Bob instead, akumatizing him into Gold Record.

Gold Record's design is... okay. It's still better than Sole Destroyer, and it's definitely better than Moolak. The gold coloring looks nice, and the euro symbol on the record is a nice visual. His powers are pretty much just a combination of Pixelator, the Collector, and Truth's powers, transforming people into records who sing their true feelings while using the Horse Miraculous' Voyage to throw the records into space. Nothing too original there, but it's a good metaphor for sleazy music producers, and it works for this story.

Rose and Anarka are the first of Gold Record's victims, and in a hurry, Luka lets Adrien know he knows he's Cat Noir, giving him a place to hide. Just as Juleka is hit by Gold Record, Ladybug and Cat Noir arrive on the scene. While Cat Noir holds off Gold Record, Ladybug tries to come up with a plan.

Ladybug summons her Lucky Charm, getting a knitting needle. She realizes her plan will need to involve using Luka as bait. Luka is forced to reveal that he knows who Ladybug and Cat Noir are, and what will happen if Gold Record gets him, setting up a tough choice that will force Ladybug to rethink her plan... and then the next scene happens, where Luka lets himself get hit, where Ladybug manages send Gold Record's record flying with a makeshift bow and arrow created from the knitting needle and a nearby fiddle, which Cat Noir immediately Cataclysms.

Ladybug de-evilizes the Akuma, uses Miraculous Ladybug to fix the damage, and gives Bob Roth a Magical Charm that even he knows is useless at this point. Ladybug and Cat Noir decide to call it a day and let Anarka throw Bob Roth out again.

Luka reveals that he knows Ladybug and Cat Noir's identities (because once again, sharing that information with your friends is totally fine for some reason), and that he can't stay in Paris. After revealing that he had Fang eat all of Bob's contracts so Luka isn't bound by them anymore, Jagged offers to take Luka around the world to finally make up for years of absence while Luka makes Juleka the new leader of Kitty Section. And so the episode ends with the Couffaine family sharing a hug while Luka gives one last look to his friends Marinette and Adrien.

This episode was just average, all things considered. The plot and the lesson it was setting out to teach, while not terrible, felt a little tacked on. It was if the writers were trying to acknowledge the stuff that happened with Chloe and wanted to show an example of redemption arc done right in the case of Jagged. It falls flat because once again, more focus is given to showing how easy it is to be screwed over trusting someone than showing the benefits to trusting someone, especially since Bob is already an outlandish villain we already have a lot of reasons to hate.

I'm also mixed on the handling of Luka here. While I'm glad Marinette isn't being forced to learn a lesson here, I don't get why Luka had to be the one to be taken advantage of. He's already aware of how easy it is for Monarch to learn his secrets, so it feels weird that he lets himself and his friends get taken advantage of so easily. Outside of the scene with Ladybug's Lucky Charm, I don't get why he needed to tell the others the stuff he knew. I can sort of see why he'd tell Adrien, but why would he think telling his friends he knows who Ladybug and Cat Noir are wouldn't endanger them too?

Speaking of that, despite being established for almost an entire season, we really don't see enough of Marinette and Adrien reacting to Luka revealing that he knows who they are. Marinette only gets a few lines, and Adrien doesn't even get to say anything. While I am glad that Marinette and Adrien aren't dominating the plot for once, it feels weird that we don't get to see their reactions to something so shocking, especially with how often the identity rule has been enforced.

On the other hand, the writing is still handled a lot better than usual. I like how Monarch chooses to change his strategy to focus on Luka halfway through the episode, and the idea of the risk using Luka for Ladybug's plan brings is an interesting one, even if they don't really go anywhere with it. The running gag with Bob constantly getting thrown off the Liberty is a funny one, and it proves you can actually write slapstick that doesn't involve humiliating Marinette. Who knew?

As a whole, while I think this is the best episode of the season so far, this episode still has its fair share of problems.

THE BIGGEST IDIOT OF THE EPISODE IS... LUKA

Not counting the time Marinette got the award in my review of the Shanghai Special, we have the first character this season to get the Biggest Idiot Award twice. For someone who is usually smarter than the other characters, Luka made quite a few bad choices this episode. He decided to trust Bob Roth after he screwed him and his friends over in “Silencer”, he didn't think to read the contract he was offered, and after being endangered by what Monarch knows now, he decided to tell his friends and family that he knows who Ladybug and Cat Noir are, potentially putting them all in danger too. Yeah, the next few episodes will probably just ignore it, but there's always a chance Monarch could try another Optigami, even if he doesn't have the Peacock Miraculous anymore.

And with that, I'm officially done with the first half of Season 5. What do I think of it? Well, I think Immortan Joe said it best:

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Yeah, this season was pretty boring, all things considered. To be perfectly honest, I struggled here more than I did last season because I wasn't sure what to say about half of the episodes I watched. There was almost nothing of substance these past thirteen episodes, and I could barely say anything other than “this episode is okay” or “this episode is bad”. Whenever I had ideas, they were usually extensions to things I've already talked about, like the Marinette angst, the historical and cultural inaccuracies, and the villains genuinely being incompetent. If you showed someone a few episodes of Season 1 and this season, outside of Monarch's new appearance, it'd be pretty hard for them to tell the difference.

But hey, maybe things will pick up in the second half of the season. Hell, maybe the next episode will be even better than this one, and... huh. Does anyone else hear an ominous whistling in the background?

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