#anyway basically my goal between now and new years is to do things that don't require a lot of brainpower

[six-of-ravens]

Okay, I have about 100 pages left in Veniss Underground, so I'm going to shut my phone off, set a timer for an hour, and try to finish it. It's a quick read once I get into it. Might also try to read while pacing the apartment bc my neck/jaw hurt and I think sitting scrunkled up on the couch is making that worse lmao.

My goal is to finish Veniss and then have zero reading obligations for the rest of the year. I need a break. I'm so burnt out that sometimes thinking about the books I want to read makes me a little nauseous, no matter how little pressure I put on myself goal-wise (this is the Year of Burnout for sooooooo many things). I might pick up a manga or comic between now and new years, something quick and light that can be read in a few hours, and I've actually been reading fanfic again recently which is a nice change, I fell off the bandwagon with it for a while bc I didn't have any fandoms I was passionate enough about to look up fic.

But! No novels! None! Braincell Recovery Time Only!!

#*100 pages of the main book left. then theres an afterword and short story i might read or else might save for later #im liking this story a lot more from Nicola and Shadrach's perspectives #still not as brain-melting as some of his other books but pretty good #also most of the fanfic im reading is like 2k word smut. i WILL read romance in fanfic form just Not Novel Form #Don't Ask Me Why #anyway basically my goal between now and new years is to do things that don't require a lot of brainpower #probably a combo of videogames (which require brainpower but in a Different Fun Way) and housework #also im gonna make french onion soup qnd charcuterie again bc that was the BEST idea last year it was SO GOOD AND NICE AND SIMPLE #maybe i will also find a defunctland video to get drunk and cry to like the disney channel theme documentary last year #im just procrastinating now bc i have to get up and find my fitbit to set a timer so i can shut my phone off

[qqueenofhades]

One of my biggest annoyances is leftists and communists beinging up Biden’s tweets during the 2020 campaign of things he said he would do, and being like “see?? he didn’t deliver on anything and this is why you shouldn’t vote for the Dems again” Like, for all the understanding they seem to have of communist or marxist or whatever theory, the idea that the President is not a king and can’t do whatever he wants without Congress’s approval is lost on them?? He still believes in those things but if Congress won’t pass the legislation what is he supposed to do? EOs won’t solve all our problems.

Yeah. Not even to mention, the claim that "Biden hasn't done/delivered anything!!!" is a big fat lie, as people keep pointing out the things he has done, with a razor-thin House majority (until 2022) and two "Democratic" senators who torpedoed everything and one of whom has now literally left the party (Manchin and Sinema). So while Online Leftists obviously don't understand the difference between "achieving all of his campaign goals" and "achieving some," for the last frikkin time, Biden has done a lot of good things in very bad circumstances!!!!!! Using "he didn't do everything!!!!" as an excuse to not vote and so enable the open and unrepentant fascists is the stupidest fucking thing I have ever heard!!!!

Like. Take the debt deal. As in other things, Biden clearly learned from Obama's mistake (which was believing that the Republicans would ever negotiate in good faith about anything, and/or would reciprocate in kind if Biden made concessions). McCarthy whined for WEEKS that Biden wasn't listening and wasn't talking to him and wasn't entertaining his ridiculous proposals (22% cuts in ALL discretionary/non-military spending, including Social Security, Medicare, etc etc, while preserving the giant Trump tax cuts for the rich.) No matter that a full one-quarter of the national debt ($7.8 trillion of $31 trillion) was racked up under Trump and the debt ceiling involves paying bills that have already been spent. No sir, those Damn Free-Spending Democrats wanted to use your money on icky things like ~social welfare!! It was mean and it was hypocritical and it was blindingly obvious, and Biden just completely ignored it. He didn't try to negotiate in good faith with that, because there was no way it would work. He just let them whine.

Then, when it came down to it, Biden went in and got a deal that preserves pretty much all of the Democrats' major legislative priorities and expansions from the last two years. The only real change is raising the work requirement age for childless adults on SNAP food assistance from 49 to 54, but this has also been accompanied by a corresponding expansion of the definition "homeless" to make more people eligible, some for the first time ever. There's not going to be any major new spending for the next two years, but that wasn't happening anyway since the GOP controls the House and wouldn't agree to anything Biden put in the budget (and plus, none of the money that has already been allocated through the American Rescue Plan and other federal assistance is getting taken away). But more importantly, it raises the debt ceiling for the next TWO years and it won't come up again until after 2024. That is HUGE: the GOP really, REALLY wanted to hold the economy hostage again prior to the next presidential election. But Biden basically went in and told McCarthy to stfu and got what he wanted. Qevin was even forced, after months of "Sleepy Joe" GOP propaganda, to call Biden "very smart and very tough" in the negotiations. Soooo.

Anyway, this is what I mean: this isn't as sexy and/or as utterly fucking useless as spouting lukewarm rebaked "Marxist" propaganda on the Twittermachine about how Biden hasn't done anything, but it's the actual nitty-gritty work of government and flat-out beating the Republicans. They got absolutely shit-all that they wanted, because Biden didn't fall for their same old, same old dirty tricks and disingenuous squealing. He went in, got the job done, and will get way less credit for it than he deserves, from anyone. Dunno about you, but I like that guy. I plan to vote for him again.

#anonymous #ask #politics for ts

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hey Sex Witch!

I am a gay cis man, and while I don’t consider myself ace, I find it difficult to feel either romantic or sexual attraction to other men. Now, I’ve spent most of my time around straight men, and most of my queer friends are women. I also didn’t have any out queer friends at all until well into my adult life, largely through lack of access. Porn was basically the only source of sexual gratification for me.

I suspect that a fear of rejection/physical assault led me to overcorrect and just assume that all men around me were inexorably off limits during my formative years. Which, while not GREAT, did offer me some emotional and physical protection. I now live in San Francisco though, but while I’ve visited the Castro many times, I still can’t quite break out of the “everything is platonic by default” and feel the emotional sting of desire that I feel when I look at a male pornstar. (This is despite despite the fact that the men in these bars are at least as attractive as the men on the screen - I can say “This guy ticks all the boxes I find appealing” but still feel like any prospective spark is being smothered. I understand some of it is the fear of being “the creepy predatory gay” (thanks Popular Culture!) but I also just find my brain going into the platonic interaction zone before I’ve even considered making eye contact.

(For the record, I don’t blame the porn. “Porn addiction” is, ironically, quite the fresh load. I’m as sure as I can be that this is just late-stage pragmatic sexual repression refusing to die completely.)

Do you have any recommendations for normalizing (renormalizing?) sexual attraction and potential chemistry? If so, I’d love to hear!!

hi anon,

I have a question: you mention that you go to "platonic interaction zone" before you even make eye contact. what happens after that? do you ever actually talk to these men? based on your statements about growing to think of all men as off-limits and fears of coming across as predatory, I worry that maybe you don't.

it sounds like, more than anything, what you need is some practice initiating interactions with people who strike you as cool and attractive and interesting to get to know better, particularly in gay settings where the risk of hitting on someone who will respond with homophobia is very low.

I'm not talking about flirting or pickup lines or waltzing right up to someone and announcing sexual interest, I just mean approaching and striking up conversation. give them a compliment, ask a question, offer to buy a drink or an appetizer, whatever. just, you know, talk to them and give them an opening to talk to you back. deepen that conversation if it's going well, and politely bail if it turns out you don't click.

the worst thing that can happen is a bit of awkward conversation, which happens to everyone all the time anyway and is more or less the price of being human, so no real loss there. the best thing that can happen is that you meet a new best friend or a great romantic love. the middle ground between those two points is a thrilling mix of potential dynamics, none of which you'll ever discover if you never put yourself out there.

back to your idea of the platonic interaction zone: I get what you're saying, but I also think a lot of unintentional hurt can come from the idea that there's anything fundamentally different about approaching someone in a platonic manner vs a sexual/romantic one. either way, the goal is to make a good impression on another person and learn more about them to assess them as potential company.

making a habit of approaching people to chat can also help dispel that sense of being creepy or predatory. every time you have a perfectly pleasant interaction with someone, boom, there's another reminder that you're not a criminal of the heart who's skeezing everyone out. hell, if anything you'll actually get better at picking up cues by regularly talking to a wider variety of people - and, if you're ever in doubt, just ask and give them the option to continue the interaction on their terms. "hey, it seems like you wanted to get back to your friends. should I go?" "you can be honest: would you rather keep sitting alone? no hard feelings!" "I'm gonna pop outside for some air, do you want to keep talking when I come back?"

now at this point you're probably saying "hey Makenzie how does this apply to sex and romance" because you still have to talk to people that you want to do sex and romance with!!! and you'd be amazed how easily striking up a friendly conversation can turn into sex and/or romance. very often the thing that makes people most attractive is getting to know more about them and finding little things that excite you and draw you to them. sure, they're good-looking, but you're never going to find out about their very cute laugh or their passion for cooking or your mutual interests unless you actually go talk to them.

and hey, listen: knowing that someone was interested enough to take the plunge and start a conversation is a great feeling. someone confessing interest right up front, that's good shit. people like to feel seen and wanted. but very few people want to be the one to take the plunge, so being bold enough to do so automatically sets you apart.

you're smothering your own spark, babe. next time a guy is ticking all your boxes, get out of your own way, tell him you're digging the vibe, and see what happens next.

#sex edventures 2023

[cooking-with-hailstones]

I’m curious, what do you think about Zelda games and continuity in general? I know one point of contention with BOTW/TOTK is the “lack” of continuity which yeah, i get it. It could be better. However the Zelda series is not known for its continuity lol. Like, take OOT and MM for example. MM is supposed to be a sequel to OOT, right? Well, tbh it’s not a very good one. Besides the fact that Link is the same one from oot, and the happy mask salesman and skull kid return, it feels really disconnected from its predecessor. I think Twilight Princess fits more as a sequel to OOT than MM. I could go on and on but what are your thoughts?

Very good question! So yeah, I know that the Zelda games give 0 craps about consistent lore or continuity, which is fine! I think they put forward a lot of different and interesting ideas. As a fandom, and especially as writers, we can treat it like a buffet of ideas to sample and play around with.

You raise an interesting point with oot/mm. I think the difference between oot/mm is the fact that they have very little in common with each other. New map, new characters, a completely different concept. There's a lot of mechanics that are the same but it really feels like you're in a new universe with the same aesthetics as the previous one, and that's about it.

I think TOTK stands out to people because it is a direct sequel with only a few years between them in-universe, but there is very little story, lore, and setting continuity between botw and totk. If it were a whole new game with a new slate of characters and a new map, I don't think the discrepancies would feel as jarring. That being said, I really love totk as a game! It's fantastic and I've sunk at least 100 hours in.

However, botw remains my favourite game because: botw is a gesamkunstwerk. TOTK is not a gesamkunstwerk.

And now here's my very long tangent about this:

I'm sure I've seen a video talking about this idea before but basically, a gesamkunstwerk is a German term for "total work of art." Coined by the composer Richard Wagner (whom we do not like, but his ideas were very influential), a gesamkunstwerk is a large scale work where everything reinforces each other. It is "a work of art that makes use of all or many art forms, or strives to do so." So in opera, for example, this would be how the orchestra, the costumes, the text, the music, the set pieces, everything comes together to tell one unified story.

I believe botw is a good example of a gesamkunstwerk: the open world setting serves the narrative framework, the Sheikah technology is incorporated seamlessly into the game mechanics, the story is scattered throughout the world for you to discover, but everything is still centered around your final goal and the narrative arc you're meant to travel. You're meant to explore, meet people, hone your skills, then face off against the final foe that you've been staring in the face for the whole game. You're meant to discover the world, to do all these things, as the player and as Link. Everything in botw reinforces everything else. It's not a perfect game by any means but it is incredibly well crafted.

And while totk improves on all the things in BOTW, it loses the cohesiveness that tied the first game together. I find that totk fights itself in a lot of ways. It didn't commit to being a linear game but it clearly has a linear path in mind (hello dragons tears...I am so glad a friend of mine told me to do them in order) The integration of zonai and Sheikah mechanics made no sense to me. The sages... Good gravy the sages...

Anyways this turned into a much longer post than I intended, but I hope this all made sense.

#Emily talks #asks #Anon #thanks for the ask! #breath of the wild #tears of the Kingdom #legend of Zelda #legend of Zelda lore #continuity #storytelling #loz #botw #TOTK #vaguely totk critical

[achubbydumpling]

I'm not sure if you ever finished the fat camp Bucky AU, but I'm curious as to what he and Steve are up to when the next summer rolls around?

Like it's summer again and this would be about the time Bucky would be getting signed up for camp, but… he's certainly outgrown the camp by now, considering how close he was the previous summer. But just how much has he outgrown it? He has def passed 600lbs, ofc, but by how much? Now that he and Steve (assumedly) live together, are they actively fattening Bucky up? If so, he's almost certainly passed 700lbs by now, possibly more

And considering how out of shape he already was, he's only gotten worse, and heavier on top of that, so is he immobile yet? Close to it? How close, close enough that a big part of their dirty talk and foreplay is talking about how fucking fat Bucky got, how just over, what, 3 years? He gained somewhere around 300lbs, how immobility is fast approaching especially since he's so sedantary and only getting bigger?

I'm just curious as to where you were picturing them that following summer and maybe even further ahead than that! Apart of the most recent part of the AU you have posted that's one of my absolute favorite parts of the AU is the shock everyone has when they see just how fat Bucky got over quarantine, so I wonder if that would be a thing after Steve and Bucky move in together?

Oh also! Just had an idea (sorry for the long ask lmao), but what if Steve has to go back this one last summer, but Bucky can't go since he's too big, so he stays home. What if he has a new goal to get as huge as possible and surprise Steve when he gets home? So he starts making weight gain shakes and chugging heavy cream, and with how sedentary he is and all the calories he's consuming, he's hitting somewhere between 25 to 30 lbs per month, and after 3 months of this… there's a noticeable difference. After all, Bucky has gained between 70 and 90 lbs since Steve last saw him!! If he thought he struggled getting around before, he and Steve will be surprised at how much he struggles once Steve gets home!

DID YOU HACK MY TUMBLR DRAFTS?!

haha I'm joking, but that's basically what I imagined for them, we're on the same wave length, nonny

I definitely think they'd move in together, I do think Steve would still work at the camp but I imagine this is the last summer he does. Just so he can focus on his degree fully in the last semesters.

While it's tempting to say Bucky would just keep gaining, I do think 700lbs is probably the upper bounds he gets to. (Which you know is still freaking huge! even if he's what? 6' in (movie) canon)

Also like everyone's weight naturally fluctuates, but Bucky's maybe a bit more? Especially after writing that Greased Watermelon Wrestling prompt, this Bucky has been cemented in my mind as loving summer and that he loves spending time outside during the summer--in a park, on the beach, maybe little walks in the woods. Nothing too far or strenuous, it's about enjoying nature, the outside.

Meeting with friends! He's a social butterfly, he loves to hang out with people. Just chatting over a cool drink and something to snack on :D haha I lowkey have this entire idea of him and why he might've struggled particularly over lockdown and self-soothed/medicated through food?

but anyway let's actually get to that idea at the end, because I love it! him and Steve apart and Bucky decides to gain as much weight as he possibly can, it's a fun challenge, he wants to see how much he can push himself but also what Steve's reaction will be (I mean obv positive haha)

they still talk every day, maybe they have video calls too? imagine Steve going crazy because he's sure Bucky's face is looking rounder, his cheeks look so plump and his double chin has gotten bigger, hasn't it?

but Bucky is super non-commital, says "oh, maybe, I mean I haven't changed anything and I usually drop a few pounds during the summer, so don't be disappointed when you come back" while he can literally feel that he's heavier, his belly feels even more vast, reaching all of it in the shower even with a reach extender (is that the right word?) is a chore and a half but he wants to surprise Steve and it's not like the added struggle isn't hot, but sometimes he just wants to take a damn shower, you know?

anywayyy, I hope you'll enjoy Part 5 of the Fat Camp AU!

#asks #Anonymous #fat camp AU

[geezmarty]

I love your art and comics, so i gotta know...

How do you create all these comics?? What is your process into making them?

I don’t really do anything fancy, as most people do I go:

outline (writing the story in just general beats without too much detail) > from here depending on how much I want to flesh out before I draw I might do a script (writing the entire dialogues/logistics out) > but sometimes if I’m feeling more confident in the outline as it is I might go from it directly into thumbnails (basically the pages themselves but drawn really really crudely, just to figure out the panelling/composition and where the balloons go, which is very important, as well as making sure there’s not too much dialogue in a single page + the pacing feels right). 

Once that’s done the skeleton of the comic is pretty much in place and all I have to do is ink and sometimes color depending on the comic. Some people have an additional sketch phase between thumbnails and inking which I also do sometimes, especially if the thumbnail is very rough, but the way I do it is panel by panel as I ink because I don’t necessarily want to go through the whole comic again when I only need to sketch out the panels that are more complex before I ink them.

This is just how I do things and if you’re just starting out I wrote some additional tips under the cut which were my initial answer before I reread the ask and figured out that’s not what you were asking lol, figured I’d share anyway!

Make comics about things you want to see. You ever get an idea and you're like "man, I wish there was something like this out there that I could read, it's bonkers that no one ever thought of this I wanna read it so bad". THAT'S the sort of stuff you want to make. No one else is going to make it like you would because each one of us has a set of unique life experiences and things we draw inspiration from.

Don't be a perfectionist. If you're just starting out there's a very real possibility that your comic is going to suck. (Or at least you'll think it does. Speaking from experience.) This is going to be true of every single comic you're going to make in your life, at some point in the process, forever, until you die. The best thing you can do to yourself as an artist is push past the feeling of "if this isn't perfect toe to tip it's not worth making or reading and I should just give up" WRONG!!! Finish it!! It's literally the only way you can learn and get better. Please for the love of god finish it.

Start small. To make sure you actually finish it you have to set realistic goals for yourself which means don’t start with an entire graphic novel because do I even need to say it. That’s so many pages please don’t do that to yourself on your very first project. As little as three or even just one page is totally fine! It will build up your confidence and you’ll start the next one by having learned a little something.

Adjacent to above: just start. Just make comics. I've been an artist for about 10 years now. I've read hundreds of advices from all kinds of more experienced artists, I've read comics with the intent to study them, I've read books, I've done my research. The SINGLE one thing that made me better at comics, the only strategy that ever really worked was to sit down and make a comic. Literally every single time I finish a comic I learn something and the next time I'm making a comic I'm faster, better, and at the same time I learn a new thing so the next time I make a comic after that I'm even faster and even better. Sit down and make a comic when you have time. Activity of the summer.

#two asks in a day is a record from me but I'm procrastinating actual work so there you go. hope this helps! #ask #art tips

[dangerously-human]

8, 9, and 18 for the new/end of year fanfic asks

8. Is there a story idea in your mental vault that you’ve never been brave enough to try writing? Is this the year? Can you tell us about it?

I guess my best answer is the great Fringe fix-it AU, which definitely feels like too much to tackle right now, so I've just been adding tiny pieces as I feel like it. Instead of a proper long-form fic, I may end up just writing snippets that connect over a given timeline - sort of like Restore the Years, I suppose - but the downside to that is that for a work that's entirely founded on the goal to force the post-S3 plot actually make sense and resonate with what came before it, I don't think skipping around and skimping on plot would actually accomplish my goal. Anyway, my idea is basically "Olivia and Peter and Olivia and Lincoln coparent across the bridge between universes," because I think Henry deserved to stay in existence and everyone should have had to actually deal with all the emotional fallout. Also because we were robbed of red!verse Lincoln and Liv falling in love while raising a baby and I'm still mad about it. This is probably not the year, but maybe I'll make some progress on it.

9. Short term goals… what do you hope to complete this week or in January?

Mostly the goal is to just keep chugging along on my WIPs. Ideally I'd like to post the next chapter of Here's a Safe Place to Lay Your Heart Down by the end of the month, but I generally try not to get my heart set on the specifics so as not to take the fun out of it. Planning to participate in at least one January Lockwood & Co flash fiction challenge, I've been really enjoying those. Also thinking of doing a WIP amnesty sort of thing to reevaluate my long-term backlog; for example, there's at least one Community fic that I think I'd be happier completing as a oneshot instead of trying to craft a plot arc around what I already have.

18. Do you typically post multi-chapters as you write, or finish it all and then start posting? Would you like to change your posting method? 

I always have the whole thing outlined (loosely) and at least a solid start at drafting all chapters before I start posting. It inhibits my creativity if I don't know where I'm going and I'm constantly stressing about making a decision I can't undo later. I used to be way more of a pantser, even as recently as my Continuum days, and it was nice for keeping motivation high but that meant plots that didn't always fit together neatly or pacing that felt clunky. Those Binary Stars was probably my first experiment with the loose outlining method - mm, I suppose I tried pieces of it with Just Once, but that was supposed to be a oneshot that wouldn't shut up and thus pacing issues were a given - and the three-act structure is probably a huge part of why I was suddenly able to bang out high-quality longfic (for me, anyway) like never before.

#personal #writer probs: fanfic edition

[callioope]

I want to scream into the void and rant about offline stuff, but I also feel this huge hesitation of posting too much detail on the internet, so, here's as short and vague as I could pare it down to:

just basically feeling super overwhelmed by "adulting" offline stuff including: buying a new house, moving but taking several months to actually pack/move/unpack, selling the old house, shopping for more furniture to fill the new house, being constantly ill since early October, researching and choosing new doctors (including primary care and OBGYN), having a rough stretch of OCD and anxiety ickiness, having to stop fencing for medical reasons (not related to fencing, i did not get injured, i just have Other stuff going on), and experiencing the general holiday fatigue of gift shopping and event hopping

I spend my free time handling the above items, on top of the usual daily chores of, you know, laundry and cleaning and "what do you mean i have to make another meal again i just ate"

and i haven't really had any time to connect with my creative outlets -- posting on tumblr, writing, playing the uke, even DND to a small extent (not enough time to put into character building between sessions) although DND has been like the ONE thing still happening

and it just sucks and I want to write but when I finally do get time I'm just so tired, so i just ended up scrolling mindlessly on tumblr or watching dumb youtube videos -- if I'm lucky instead I'll watch an actual play show but for a bit I was caught up on CR and Fantasy High and didn't know what to watch next because the next season comes out so soon so I don't want to get caught up in something else

[side bar: been working my way through one-shots, finished the amazing Escape from the Bloodkeep and I'm almost done with Mice and Murder. Mice and Murder has been super fun and entertaining and I kinda want to play a clue style rpg now -- side side bar but i collect clue variations -- and with the RO anniversary on my mind I've been wanting to read like a clue or sherlock holmes style AU but i have been having trouble finding one? like it can't have been 7 years with no sherlock holmes type rebelcaptain AU? maybe i need to try different AUs or search terms or filters? anyways. would also read a shadowgast murder mystery AU too, still mostly reading shadowgast fic anyways although EVEN FIC I haven't been reading as much either, but the RO anniversary had me thinking about Them again a little bit]

anyways i kinda felt like posting here would help me feel a little bit more connected, i guess, to the creative side of myself? since this is sort of my primary creative outlet, or used to be, if that makes sense.

also i saw a post about something called get your words out, which had some writing goals that looked attainable even for me with all the Stuff happening, and that has felt a little bit like -- something to maybe look forward to, to maybe help me get back into things... I don't know if I'll pledge yet and maybe I'd just do something for myself in that vein but yeah. something more interesting to think about than searching my insurance website or shopping for shelving or chairs or sofas...

gonna go back to watching Mice and Murder. thanks for reading this rant.

#the latest with liz #liz rants

[birlwrites]

heyyy pls can you elaborate on the sacred 28 being established/codified at the onset of the eugenics period? (you mentioned it yesterday and now i'm v curious abt it lmao)

(got another ask about this - anon i saw it, here you go!)

SO. this hit me in the middle of a lecture and i was not in a situation to pull out my laptop and start duckduckgoing, and i also have basically never checked my memory against hp canon ever, so this is all courtesy of birl's brain, BUT. i think there's a connection here worth exploring

from what i remember, the list of The Sacred Twenty-Eight was created by some dude named cantankerous nott, who excluded the potters from the list due to some quibble, and it was RECENT. like, 1920s recent. i don't remember the exact year so i'm calling it 1928 because why not. before this point, pureblood high society was a little more permeable - people with a new shitload of money (thanks industrial revolution) were able to sort of muscle their way in due to aforementioned shitloads of money, and there was less of a clear distinction between The Old Families and The New But Respectable Families. like, there was a *distinction,* but it was similar to the current distinction between the anciente families and the noble families in the sacred 28 - we're different, some of us are Better™, but we're both the Good Sort™.

so, 1928. hold that number in your head, because making a list of Twenty-Eight Sacred Families Who Are Super Important And Amazing did not spring out of cantankerous nott's head fully formed. like, that shit had to be researched and decided by someone. who was good enough to be on the list? and why was cantankerous nott in charge, anyway?

here is my argument: by the time that the list was made, the only real surprise was that the potters weren't on it.

the eugenics movement began in the late 19th century - the term was coined in 1883 by sir francis galton, a british guy. this is fact this isn't from my brain. i mean it is but i looked it up first. by the time the 20th century hit, eugenics were an established Thing in britain (not just in britain, but we're keeping a narrow focus here)

what eugenics cares a LOT about is 'breeding.' encouraging the Right Sort of people with certain Desirable Qualities to have a bunch of kids, and discouraging the Wrong Sort of people with Undesirable Qualities from doing so. that's obviously incredibly morally questionable and gets into really quite a lot of human rights abuses, which is not the point of this post so i'm going to move on. but the point is - if the Right Sort of people procreate, and the Wrong Sort don't, then eventually the Wrong Sort will all die off and society will be only composed of the Right Sort and everything will be better

now, this doesn't *perfectly* fit in with the blood purity mindset IN BRITAIN - blood purists know that muggleborns will just keep appearing (barring some very shady experimentation to figure out how to Stop them from appearing, see ttdl chapter 51 near the end, but even that's more about taking away their magic and less about preventing muggleborns from ever *being* born)

but! brief diversion into continental europe and grindelwald here - what's the way to stop muggleborns from ever being born again? kill all the muggles. okay diversion done. WAIT NO I'M NOT DONE ACTUALLY ONE MORE THOUGHT - voldemort plays into that rhetoric by having the death eaters kidnap and murder muggles, but he doesn't state it as his all-out goal because a) it's not, and b) that's a great way to unite *multiple* countries who are all working to bring you down. after grindelwald, voldemort looks... well, not great, but only moderately genocidal, so he's britain's problem as far as the rest of the world is concerned, unless things get worse/change

okay NOW the diversion is done. BACK TO EUGENICS. i said in this post that some muggle culture things do creep into magical britain relatively quickly - philosophy does, and so as a result, i think the eugenics mindset does too. big focus on purity, saving your society from degradation, that's going to appeal to a lot of the more insular families

so! eugenics, the term, coined 1883. the sacred 28 codified 1928. that gives us 45 years in the middle for eugenics to seep into magical britain, take root in the upper classes, convince them their culture will Backslide and become Depraved unless they Do Something, and there's nobody actually whipping them into a frenzy here (seeing as grindelwald is, again, focused on the continent, and also his rise is around the same time as that codification in the first place) so really what happens is that this mindset becomes normalized. they're not being *violent* about it, they're being perfectly civilized, and therefore there is no problem

but the thing about encouraging the Right Sort to reproduce is that you have to know who they are! and so i think the increased social mobility of the industrial revolution starts to decline again here. a handful of families got into the wizengamot via money, but now the old families are growing concerned. they can't just be letting *any* ruffian with money into the wizengamot or their high society events, after all. they have Manners and they have Class and being one of them is about *more* than just having a wizengamot seat - it's about who they are.

high society begins to re-stratify, starting around the turn of the century. if you managed to nab a wizengamot seat recently, you can stay, but you'd better brush up on your deportment because you are on THIN ICE. and things get more exclusive - people start weeding out Certain Others from their guest lists, and so on. if you can still wrangle an invite to the rosiers' summer solstice ball, you're *respectable,* but that's the biggest event of the season - everything else has smaller, more curated guest lists. (well, the rosiers' guest list is definitely curated, but like, it's BIG.)

so the group that *becomes* the Sacred Twenty-Eight (And Also The Potters) have already become cliquey before that list is actually created. cantankerous nott has some grudging, baseline respect for the weasleys, for their tenacity in not dying out if nothing else, and they do have proof of their existence centuries ago because that was when everyone else started to hate them and it's very well-documented, so fine, cantankerous nott adds them to the list to be the designated losers so the rest of the group doesn't start turning on each other looking for targets.

and thus, the list of the sacred 28 is really a delineation of what everyone already kind of knows - it's just that it wasn't spelled out so explicitly before. but that group probably wouldn't have been as tight-knit as it is if not for the eugenics movement

(i also figure that the eugenics movement drove people to reduce their pools of marriage options, constraining the eligible people by quite a bit - earlier in the 19th century, they were somewhat more chill about marrying people who weren't aristocratic, as long as they could adapt well and fit into the aristocracy. i say 'somewhat' because, like, there was still definitely an element of judgment involved, it just was less extreme. so eugenics also contributed to the rise of inbreeding in the magical aristocracy)

as for why cantankerous nott was in charge, it was probably his idea, and many of the other aristocratic families Loved the idea of having this very distinct line creating an Us and a Them, and so they let him go ahead with it, with checking in about what exactly he was thinking and how many families he would include and what the criteria were anyway and--

#atfhv worldbuilding #dark lord wip #should i make an inbox tag

[nicholsroy]

November updates & December goals

Blog | Monthly updates

It's nearly December (which, side note, is wild - does it feel to anyone else like this year, in particular, just flew by?), a time where things tend to slow to a near-halt in terms of productivity as we prepare for various winter holidays. In terms of the personal writing schedule I maintain in my head, however, it feels a bit like things are busier than ever. Without further ado, updates and follow-up on November's goals are as follows:

November updates

NaNoWriMo: Absolutely blew this out of the water like a boss.

Nah, I'm totally kidding. I'd be lying if I said I was upset about this, though, because I "failed" for the best possible reason - I regained my full motivation for putting together LIFE IN BLACK AND WHITE's final manuscript, and have been fully focused on that for about the last 10-15 days. That being said, I did count all new words from scene editing toward the NaNoWriMo goal. Here's my (approximate) breakdown:

Warmups/drabbles: ~1,098

THE DOTTED LINE reoutline: 2,036

SUPERNOVA zero draft: 6,700

LIFE IN BLACK AND WHITE scene editing: ~3,000

I extend my encouragement and congrats to everyone else who took part, regardless of whether or not you "won". As an old curmudgeon who's participated in the challenge most years since 2008 (won five times, excluding one Camp NaNoWriMo win), my philosophy about this and similar challenges is basically: even if you don't "win," you've probably written more words this month than you would have otherwise. I know I did.

Query preparations:

I still can't believe I'm seeing this low of a chapter/WC discrepancy for this novel.

Goals for the final version of the manuscript, other than line editing/playing around with prose, fixing plot holes/inconsistencies, addressing beta comments, and fact-checking, include making the novel more marketable/more of a "typical" thriller in any way I can that doesn't affect the overall story. This has included things like restructuring the novel to make it "truly" dual timeline (ie. chapters now alternate consistently between THEN and NOW segments across both Acts), choosing strategic areas to end chapters and to split the Acts and main story arcs, and limiting individual chapters to 5,000 words maximum. This has resulted in more and shorter chapters, but it's also, weirdly enough, allowed me to more easily incorporate content about core story messages and themes, address some kind of unfinished/potentially unsatisfying plot threads, and develop parts of Gabriel's story that were previously lacking without completely obliterating the word count. I am very excited about this, especially because some of the aforementioned plot elements have been major headaches for years!

With the new structure, I've set myself a WC goal of 50,000 words per Act (bringing the total to 100,000 words). My actual goal is 110,000 words for the novel, but I want to try to leave myself as much wiggle room as possible for whatever new scenes/partial scenes/bridging scenes I need to add to close gaps with the dual timeline structure.

After this process is finished, I'll need to do a final readthrough for consistency, and then it's capital-D Done (until an agent asks me to edit it again, anyway)!

In terms of preparations for the actual querying process, I added one agent to my query list this month (and am considering adding a second).

Reading: I'm now 10 books (83%) into my reading goal for 2023!

Read this month:

The Keeper by Jessica Moor

December goals

Currently, my only writing priorities for December are:

To finish the line edit and re-assembly of LIFE IN BLACK AND WHITE, Act I;

Get at least a good chunk into the line edit and re-assembly of Act II;

Finish my query letter (finally).

I may also participate in another NYC Midnight challenge this month (a 250-word flash story this time), but this will depend on a few different factors.

I will also read at least two books in order to finish my 2023 reading challenge. These will most likely be A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara and Angels Before Man by Rafael Nicolás, unless something else comes up prior to the end of the month.

#update #blog #writeblr

[astroismypassion]

Hi!

What talents that i have with in me should be beneficial for me to put my energy in?

What paths and Careers would bring fulfilment and success to my inner and outer world? Joy in the soul

Basically what I am destined to be in this lifetime ? 🦀( the incessant question)

I going to be in junior high this year, and i have so many insterests in different things, and dilema and overwhelmed. As a classical high schooler. :)

Ik my guides and intuition will put me in right path.

Anyways, thank u for ur time precious soul.

(ik it's to much, so if u do readings of persona mc, let me know)

Love 🫶🫶🫶

Mc persona 1#photo

Natal chart 2#phto

Hi!

I do full MC Persona chart interpretation yes, you can book one.

I'm gonna try to answer these all questions in one. I like you, because you are very genuine with your message and forward.

Let's talk all about your Sun sign first... you really are more of a Cancer Leo cusp than a Gemini Sun you know to be completely honest with you. Your identity, personality, traits, ego, character is that more of a Cancer Leo cusp. You have the potential to transform a hobby into a full-time career. Research what you liked and could still enjoy doing in your free time. What did you do in your childhood, which hobbies, interests? Follow that! Also what you like to do in your time at home, bake desserts, make up, hair-styling? Talk to your family members too, they are aware of what your talents, interests, deep passions are. Aries IC and Venus, Taurus in the 4th house all point to the fact that those closest to you, your family members, close friends KNOW what your values, deepest passions, likes, dislikes and interests are, so talk to them, get advice, a new perspective of it. Since your Sun sign is at 10, Capricorn, degree beware that you will feel more stable and consistent about your career and in your career path after your first Saturn Return (ages 28, 29 and further), so don't really expect too quick results.

Now, another pointer to career discussion in the natal chart first, is believe it or not THE MOON. People often choose a major/higher education based on their Moon sign. You have Leo Moon in the 7th house at 8 (Scorpio) degree. Go into a creative field, definitely not science field since you could end up detesting it. You have three the most creative, artistic signs on your Moon. Moon is what fulfills you the most, your basic self, what you feel emotionally satisfied with. So here I would suggest leaning toward Leo, Libra, Scorpio fields: performance, politics, international relations, law, psychology, anthropology, sociology, culinary arts, tourism and hospitality, even design, hair styling, make up, history and geography, even languages, performing arts, any artistic field really.

Now we look at your Ascendant, which is Capricorn at Sagittarius degree (21), but also you have Aquarius over the 1st house. So don't set goals so hard you will find it unrealistic to achieve them. Step by step and stay grounded about it, there could be limitations, restrictions, but you will need to stay resilient. Also, don't get discouraged and try to not have too idealistic goals, hopes. When a dream is too big, you could get discouraged of ever even trying to a start it and work towards it. You get intimidated. You could do well by starting your own business (Capricorn Ascendant), something where you have full control over it. You also want to passionate about it an in charge. You also like balance between work and play. Did you travel a lot when younger, to foreign countries? You like exchange students? I think your calling is also connecting with foreigners and people who live in distant lands. Due to your Ascendant at Sagittarius and Chiron in the 1st house being at 9 (Sagittarius). You literally get healed when you travel and connect with foreign cultures. You also have Jupiter in the 10th house, so you could be intersted in travelling, tourism, work in a hotel, speaking foreign languages, learning on a daily basis. You have Libra MC with 8, Scorpio degree, you are very interested in other people and their culture, habits, lifestyle.

You could start a jewellery business or do something that you see you don't get in stores, but you always wanted that, so invent it! You are forward-thinking due to Aquarius over the 1st. You get to understand and grasp trends.

Another indicator Leo Saturn at 7 (Libra) degree in the 7th house, you will need to heal your creativity and creative self-expression during this life time. And it will be a reoccuring lesson until you learn it. If you don't learn it by 1st Saturn Return, you will need to at 2nd (so after 45). Also, don't be hard on yourself that you need to have it all figured out as much as your peers. You are a late bloomer, but the lessons you will get with time and life experiences will stick forever with you. You will grow to understand yourself better than your average peer.

Mars in Cancer in the 7th house at 28 (Cancer degree): this also talks about your career, the job that you might end up doing. You could work with children, families, in urgent situations (health field), with women, young adults. You will love to learn from younger people. You could also enjoy working from home.

And lastly, life purpose: Aries North Node at 1 (Aries degree) in the 9th house. Travel, langauges, lifestyle, leadership, foreign lands, philosophy, athletics, health field, business, sports these will all be your points of interest at some period in life.

@astroismypassion

#cancer mars #cancer #astrology #gemini sun #astroblr #astro note #astroismypassion #astrology blog #astro community #leo moon #aries ic

[tamagosandesu]

SSMonth 2022

Title: these rare times of indulging

Prompt: genin days (day 2)

Summary: There are also times that he allows himself peace from his road of vengeance, but rarely. And even much more rare times that he thinks of her, and silently thank her for everything she's done for him

Author's Notes: pretty short (since i didn't have time) and also doesn't contain any dialogues just like the 1st day fic. somehow, i find it hard to create conversation content nowadays. before it used to be something that i did greatly in my fanfics. times change, i guess. anyways enjoy!

_____________________________

There are times when Sasuke is too blinded by his hatred that he tends to miss simple things.

They are officially Genin now—full-fledged shinobis to the Hidden Leaf Village under the third Hokage. And somehow, because of that, everyday training was almost a given, the gradual income of missions are welcome, and the urge to become stronger was now intensified ten-fold. Sasuke's days were spent on training grounds, either honing his shuriken techniques, or trying out new tricks to improve his battle stances.

He can't risk to waste his time now. He only has 2 goals in mind; restore his clan, and kill a certain man. And in order to fulfill these, he needs to get stronger. He needs more power. There's nothing in between those that allows him leisure and rest after a long, tiring day of a mission.

Don't get him wrong, he still fulfills his responsibilities as a shinobi of Konoha—finishing his required tasks and protecting the citizens of the village he grew up in, completing missions and carrying the name of the Hidden Leaf with pride and duty.

But of course, there are also times that he begrudgingly allows himself peace from all his road of vengeance. He takes breaks when his body absolutely cannot take his rough schedule anymore and practically begs him to rest. He has times where he actually enjoys mission without too much seriousness, and there are times where he delves into simple things that are most of time trivial matters for him.

For example, he joins Naruto's invitation for weekly ramen meetings quiet a lot of times that he likes to admit. Sasuke pretends to be annoyed beyond comprehension when he gets dragged into meals with his teammates, when in reality, he's just as ecstatic as they are to be able to spend time with each other outside of genin obligations. There are times where he allows some self-treatment as he goes into markets to buy himself new thing—clothes, food that he wants to try, books, and unnecessary things that catches his eye.

It's basically like a cheat day—where he sets aside all his priorities and allows himself to loosen up. Because aside from his name, his duties, and his plans, he's just a teenager. Though these things rarely happen nowadays—especially that the Chunin exams are coming—he still finds himself sub-consciously doing it. Long days of training alone leads to visit at the market, times of improving his Sharingan ultimately leads to self-meditation before going to sleep, and unused time of his day are spent on sitting on a tree branch and catching up on a book that he picked-up.

And then there's the events that he doesn't even try to remember.

Take Valentine's day for example. It's the event of the year that he dreads, hates more than anything. It isn't hidden knowledge that Sasuke Uchiha dislikes unwanted attention, and especially sweets.

And oh, how perfect was Valentine's day? It's like, that pathetic, stupid event was created just to annoy him to the end of the world. Girls from the academy, older ones—even ones that he's not even sure are from Konoha—come to him to bow oh-so-politely, while clutching a small paper bag between their hands and confess their undying 'love' over him through the art of making him homemade chocolates—done with care and effort.

He resists the strong urge to roll his eyes whenever this happens.

But somehow, despite Sasuke being completely aware of his hatred over Valentine's day and the homemade chocolate crap, there's a still a persistent side of him that awaits a certain someone's chocolate above anyone else's. He denies this, of course, all the time whenever it happens. But he can't really stop the way his heart aches, and however he reacts whenever he actually receives that chocolate that he awaits, finally.

Whenever Sakura hands him her creation, he tries his very best to maintain an air of indifference, and tries to emit the feeling of nonchalance while his pink-haired teammate bows with resolve and blushes a deep shade of red like his favorite food. When deep inside his very core, he's actually excited to open that gift that Sakura would give him.

All the other sweets he would receive are put in his living room, if not forgotten, then are given away to his teammates, sometimes teachers, and his classmates from the academy. He honestly doesn't care where it goes, or whatever the gift actually is.

But there's the one that he doesn't dare to throw away. Doesn't dare to waste, and he doesn't dare to forget opening later the night he received it.

A lot of times, Sakura's Valentine's gifts aren't sweets—since she's very much aware of his dislike to it—and are actually materials that he finds oddly useful. But this time around, she did give him chocolates, which was somehow disappointing since he knows he'll probably won't enjoy it.

Sasuke just sighs and plops down completely on his bad, Sakura's gift just beside him while he contemplates whether he should just ignore it or eat it. He then looks at the bag where it was placed—a plain, beige bag with a note attached to it.

Sasuke didn't notice it earlier, so he sits up again and reads it.

The raven's eyes widen as he realizes that instead of giving him milk chocolate, Sakura made him dark chocolate nuggets. The note even said how she knew he didn't like sweet chocolates one bit so she opted for a dark chocolate recipe—not too much sweet, but not too bitter either.

Suddenly, Sasuke's mouth unconsciously turned up to a smile, and warmth coursed through his chest as he appreciates Sakura's consideration. She thought through this seriously, Sasuke thinks as he opens the bag and tries one.

And just as expected, the chocolate didn't disappoint. It wasn't too sweet, nor was it too bitter for his liking. It was honestly perfect.

He didn't care if he was already in his pajamas, ready for bed with only his lamp on as his source of light. Sasuke didn't care if he's already brushed his teeth—and that he's currently munching on a sugary treat on his bed past dinnertime.

He didn't care. Because after all, there are rare times that he allows himself this type of enjoyment. It's rare that he indulges in late night snacks from his pink-haired teammate.

It's rare that he allows himself to think of her, and silently thank her for everything she's done for him.

#fanfiction #naruto fanfiction #naruto #anime fanfic #Sasuke Uchiha #Sakura Haruno #sasusaku fanfiction #sausaku #ssmonth2022 #day2

[morkofday]

I tried to format this with a comma and a capital letter to show where a new line is in these songs/quotes bc tumblr hates formatting!

"Don't you ever, Tame your demons, But always keep them on a leash" - Arsonist's Lullabye, Hozier (maybe vegaspete or beyond evil?)

"And from these rooftops, I'll scream your name, Bravely to the dark" - Tyler Knott Gregson (rooftops always give me patpran vibes but anyone else if good too)

"How much should my longing fall like snow, Before the days of spring return, friend?, Snowflakes fall down, And fall apart little by little, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you" - Spring Day, BTS

Also basically any of Do I Wanna Know by the Arctic Monkeys gives me patpran vibes but idk if this is a basic choice? It could be overused but im not sure but anyway!! "I dreamt about you nearly every night this week, How many secrets can you keep?, 'Cause there's this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow and I play it on repeat, Until I fall asleep, Ever thought of calling when you've had a few? Because I always do, Maybe I'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new."

Also I'm happy to take literally anything for The Eclipse (I feel like I really dont see many edits of it? But I feel like its difficult to pin down a specific vibe because it was so much grief but it is maybe my favourite right now!) or Between Us/Not Me/Bad Buddy/Vice Versa/Beyond Evil!

hello lizzie ^^ i hope you've been well!

this is for you!

i hope you like what i came up with even when i took some liberties with the prompt. you gave me so many options to choose from, so many good options, but ever since i first got this ask, i was fixated on that hozier line. it just seemed to fit beyond evil so perfectly and i was so excited to make something for that drama bc i never did back when i watched it. thank you so much for it! (and also special love for throwing spring day at me, it made me smile fondly ♥ maybe i'll end up using it when i find something fitting to use it for)

(more blabberings under the cut bc this edit made me think some thoughts!)

first of all, i have to admit that i have almost forgotten everything that happened in beyond evil. it's been over a year since i binged through it and it never stuck with me the same way as, let's say, the devil judge did. but i still found it super interesting and with this prompt, i came to think about the themes in it once more. i came to think about the story, and the world, and the people. most of all, the people.

bc, second of all, i am obsessed with the dynamic of our two main characters. they are like fire and ice, and they struggle to understand each other bc of it. joowon is young, righteous, hopeful, and naive. dongsik is older, has already seen the cruelty of the world, and knows how much it can hurt. but he has not given up, and instead, there is this plan and then –

well. joowon comes and messes it up. kind of. tho he also becomes dongsik's ally, and then comes to see how unfair the world can be, and watching all of this happen hurts dongsik who, until then, has not shied away from sacrifice. he has let the people around him be hurt. he has been selfish in that sense. and then this one person more threatens to tip him over.

so, i had thoughts. and then i somehow tried to put all of them into this edit: the differences between joowon and dongsik, their individual journeys, their joined moments. there's dongsik with his undying fire, the only thing left pushing him through as he loses, and loses, and loses again and again. there's joowon with his one goal: to serve justice. he's willing to try and reach this goal by any means necessary. he almost becomes blind to how impossible reaching it can be.

they both have their demons. dongsik's are vengeful, full of years-old rage. they're simmering somewhere behind his smiles and in his stern eyes and under the tears he so unwillingly sheds. he cannot tame them despite all the time that has passed. he doesn't want to.

and then there's joowon with his newly found demons, the ones that are out of his control, the ones that would like to drive a bullet into his father's chest or smash a golf club into his head. the demons that turn the calm and collected detective han into someone he didn't know he could be. the demons that are born out of his old and new grief.

the caption seemed to put all of this so nicely. it's one of dongsik's lines said to joowon. there's something scary about how far ppl are willing to go out of love and attachment. we're terrifying creatures once someone takes something we care about away from us.

i hope you didn't find my ramblings or the edit itself boring. i personally love the simplicity of it all. i haven't done anything black and white in a long while so this felt refreshing and fun.

thank you once more for your prompt and have a good weekend ♥

#thank you ♥ #promptrambles #makeavish2023

[ascuteascherryblossom]

I really wanna know if any long term ED sufferers feel the same way as me.

I developed my ED 7 years ago at just 12 years old and am now 19 and still here. I have barely any recollection of life before 12 so it really feels like my life is only my ED as it's all I've really known tbh... my whole puberty and all of time I can remember. Because of this, I cannot even imagine my life without an ED. I cannot imagine myself any other way than how I am at this moment.

I feel envy for those who've had EDs for shorter periods or from older ages and can recall a life without this disorder and imagine what a life without it in the future could be like even if they don't want to make the move towards it.

I don't fear my ED, I'm not scared of it nor is it something I dislike. It doesn't feel like hell because it's all my life has ever been. It's just normal... I feel weird when I have my small faux recovery periods of time and even uncomfortable, not in a 'cant let go of my ED' way but in a wtf is this way of living and why am I supposed to be this way?

Doesn't help that my faux recovery months are always because my depression hits new extremes and my suicidal, self loathing, world hating feelings become so overwhelming I become bed ridden, mindlessly scrolling tiktok AITA videos just to pass time because everything is tiresome and I hate everyone and everything. But I eat fine as food is the only positive thing cause it tastes good (don't cook though).

But ED periods I shower, brush my teeth, dress nicely, put an effort into myself and I actually do things, I can finally enjoy dancing again without it being exhausting to stand. It's like bringing life back into me so I love it...

Plus I love how I look physically when I'm thinner no matter my mindset over my current weight at the time. So it all combines to feeling good plus it's my usual, I've spent more days like this than that faux recovery crap and I feel like an actual human.

I'm always happier when I'm actively participating in my ED, it's better than the other state I feel. It's one or the other. I can't imagine a third.

And honestly... I don't want to. I'm comfortable here. I'm in therapy but I haven't even spoken to her for over a month because I don't feel the need. In my depression eras I NEED therapy just to vent and function, have a person I can say just how badly I wish I could punch s hole in my chest and rip my besting heart out until it stops beating and everything can be over...

But when I'm like I am now I don't feel that. I don't feel I wanna live long either, never have done, even as a kid. But I do feel like I have a goal in life.

My goal is to step on that scale and see that number that traumatised little 12 year old me until now. Finally reach 39.7kg and tell my inner child 'see, you made it, you didn't become fat and die from obesity at 30, you didn't become unattractive and unloveable. You made it just as you said you would. And now we can die, or live in peace, a chapter closed forever. You made it'

And before u say anything about that weight being 172cm, I have no plans to maintain it, I want to maintain between 43-48kgs, om the way down I'll see what I look like at all them weights and choose the range I prefer and go back up and stick there. I look way better at 50kgs than 55 anyways so like I know I'll look amazing then too.

Anyways I needed this rant and wanted to know if I'm the only one who feels like their ED is basically a part of them now especially after so long.

I'm mentally prepared to become that one older lady with an ED people look at with sad eyes on the street as their old and skeletal figures walk to the store. I've seen them, I know how people react and I'm not afraid to become her. Even if I'm not THAT skeletal. It doesn't scare me...

And if it kills me before then well whatever, I could die tomorrow anyways from a fatal accident anyways. I don't care for life nor death anymore, whatever happens, happens idgaf. Life's good but crap at the same time so staying is good and crap and leaving is good and equally crap so who gives a shit.

Anyways see u bye

take care

#tw ed relapse #tw ed rant #tw ed vent #enduring ed #i wish i was thinner #restrictive ed #tw ana thoughts

[thebadascetic]

Psalm 21:15

Starting this post has been honestly very difficult for me but here goes nothing.

Last Tuesday was my fiance's birthday so now we're both 21 instead of it being just me. I've ordered him four books but even now, they still haven't arrived. I haven't even heard where they are in the shipping process. Both of us are struggling financially at the moment so we weren't able to do much. He does have a voucher for movie tickets but none of the movies at the cinemas really caught our attention.

Last Friday was Australia Day. It was a pretty quiet day all things considered. My fiance and I visited my parents house so I got to see my brothers, two of my cousins, and one of my uncles. I had ordered and received a dress that I've been wanting for a while this week so I was able to wear that today.

On this past Sunday, the Sunday of the Prodigal Son, we went to St. Andrew's in Lidcombe for Divine Liturgy. After Liturgy, I had a lovely chat with one of the women from the choir. I've always been shy and struggled socially but going to church and our young adult group is slowly helping me come out of my shell. I would love to make some friends who are Catholic this year and I celebrate every successful interaction I have to that end. I'm also hoping to join the choir this year. I don't believe I have the greatest voice but I'm going to try anyway. I'll need to relearn the basics of music theory and practise a great deal before I do anything else though.

This week has been a lot less pleasant. Without going into detail, I've been caught in the middle of a conflict between my fiance and my friends which has reached a new level of bad as of last night. I'm honestly so anxious to see my friends again this week and have been avoiding messages from them like the plague. I don't know what to do and I'm so scared of losing my closest friends.

My goal is to make Sunday or Monday the day that I post on this blog each week. We'll see how well I hold to it but that is my plan for now. I have my brother's birthday and my driver knowledge test coming up this week so hopefully my next post will be a less melancholic life update.

Christ is Born! Glorify Him!

#catholic #catholic women #christian faith #christian living #christian women #christianity #eastern orthodoxy #jesus #jesus christ #eastern catholic #orthodoxy #catholicism

[saheira-dreams]

22/01/2024

Happy belated new year!!!

So I was abroad this holiday and basically FORGOT that Tumblr existed and that I had even started a blog which, now that I think about it, really annoys me. Like, how do I forget about something like that?

Anyway, school started a couple weeks ago and I'M WRITING MY IGCSEs THIS YEAR. I have like 8 months left which actually seems like such a short time and I'm not JUST a science student so if you put together bio + chem + physics + comp sci + HISTORY (there's an actual shit load of content there) + all that french VOCAB + those 15 poems for literature which I haven't touched since last year along with a novel, and two other plays we'll be doing this year, all for literature, I get a TON of stuff of study.

And because it's our IGCSE year, our teachers are taking things really seriously-- we've got afternoon lessons and Saturday classes. This is all really hectic and tiring but you know what?

I actually enjoy it.

I feel like, we're making valuable memories which I may think back to a decade later. Who knows where I'll be?! My friends and I try to be there for each other, make jokes, chat in between (and sometimes during) classes, pass notes and just have a good time together through the dreary lessons. Honestly, when I think back on it now, the events of today, of Saturday, of Friday last week, my heart feels...warm?

I don't know if it's like 2024 energy or something but I think I decided to better myself, for myself. I started journalling, I think. I made a pretty cover for the month and a habit tracker to track my daily goals like drinking more water, studying and reading every day etc. And honestly, I'm not doing too bad. I was pretty consistent in recording during the week and only did none of them on Sunday which is now my only weekend day so I shall forgive myself for missing Sundays.

I've been obsessed with green and stem academia more (I even edited my intro). I don't know why, green academia kind of just resonates with me and STEM academia just gives me motivation. For the longest time, I just didn't know what I wanted to do, despite taking quizzes and stuff, but finally decided that I would be a doctor or somewhere near to that. But I didn't know what kind of doctor I wanted to be, nor did I have any motivation, and STEM academia just gives me an insight into the life I may lead by pursuing medicine which gives me motivation to work hard now rather than to regret it later and get a life I will be proud of. Chaotic academia is still a part of me, no question! I'm generally chaotic so my lifestyle just has chaos integrated into it. I can't get rid of it anytime soon XD

Anyway, that was a long rant. I'll try to post more often so that my posts will be shorter and not as long as this XD

To all the students out there, good luck with your studies, exams, homework and school life in general!!

#academia #studyblr #student life #green academia #chaotic academia #stem academia #stem student #science student #first post of the year!! #long post #i should be studying #sorry for the rant #oh well #good luck on achieving your goals!!! #chaotic