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after-nine-at-the-oasis · 4 months

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Abbott Elementary Episode 4: Smoking!! I lowkey forgot Abbott aired last night till I saw a clip of it on YouTube earlier, I believe lol. I watched it earlier today and did not liveblog it, but I'm here to talk about it a bit now!

Not much though, because it's late and I had a show tonight, and more tomorrow and Saturday lol.

The fact that they were discouraging substances while all actively using substances is hilarious xDDD It's not where I was expecting that to go lol! Idk what I was expecting, but not that xD

I'm glad it really talked about how broken the system is. I hope that kid doesn't get suspended <3.

Also the jokes the kids made about their vices were wild 💀. That dust bowl was out of control XDD Iconic all around though lol

I'm glad Jacob decided to give up vaping lol, good for him :') <3. Out of all of them his was honestly the most actually harmful lol.

Even though I don't love the detail that he vapes (mostly because you'd think being against it would be one of his many liberal policies lol), I really love that it brought back that smoking comment from the pilot!! Also I can totally spin this into a vices from deep anxiety thing which is lovely lol. Also the air bit was hilarious xD

Anyway they're all idiots but I do love them all lol <33

Also Janine was wild with that teacher lol 💀. I do think there were some things she was right about (like. the literal education parts lol) but dang girl xD love that the sub did not care at all lol

Unrelated but I love Jacob immediately blaming Morton for the smoking lol xD

Anyway seeing them all being chill at the end was great xD. Like Barbara trying the oil, Jacob quitting, etc lol. Good for them :).

This episode caught me off guard a bit, especially since I don't use substances, but I kinda like that, once again! This season is really throwing me off my game in the best way possible - we all need to be made uncomfortable sometimes to learn stuff :). This episode it wasn't too much, because I don't disrespect anyone who uses drugs (of the safe kind), but since I don't it's still a view into the other side.

Also Gregory's was so him xD. Honestly all of them lol - Janine's makes so much sense in hindsight (also Gregory's comment to her about like "Did you smoke last night" 💀 XDD iconic lol), Melissa's (and her smoking background - which by the way, the comments about that were funny too lol) made sense, Barbara's was- yeah xD, her lol, we basically already knew about Ava xD. And of course Jacob's is a callback lol! And it does kinda make sense for him, even if I thought he would know. I mean hey, we do things we know are bad all the time lol, and nobody can resist everything. Also I think I'm in partial denial because I don't want him to have gone through what it puts you through lol xD. Anyway, they were all super accurate :D.

I loved this episode!! I thought it was really great and I'm so excited for the next one :D. I am also utterly terrified :). Help me please :'). The title and description are scaring me and I swear to goodness they better be a mislead. I think they probably are but still xD.

Don't break them up please I need them lol

Also I'll just pretend it never happened anyway xD

Oh dang I probably won't be able to see that episode live either- eh we'll deal with that later.

So yeah! I loved the episode :D. I thought it was really great and super interesting :). I'm excited for the next one!

This has been my review for. . .

Abbott Elementary, Season 3, Episode 4: Smoking

It was really good :)). I'm really excited to see the next one but y'all I am so scared lol.

I'll be back next week for my review of. . .

Abbott Elementary, Season 3, Episode 5: Breakup

See you guys then!!!

#abbott elementary #ae #oasis's ae chatter #abbott elementary 3x04 #it's gonna be the choir it's gonna be the choir it's gonna be the choir it's gon-#xD #anyway!!#as I said I just did a show (like two hours ago lol) and I have two more ahead soon so I'm gonna head out xD #gonna eat and then go to bed lol #get some rest y'all :))#I love you all :DD ❤️❤️❤️❤️!!!#byeeee :))) 🥰🥰🥰🥰 <33!!!!

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one-abuse-survivor · 3 months

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Hi ! i'm the anon with the abusive triangle fecta made of my mom, my father and my step-father and who should probably get a nickname because that's a looooooong thing to type. let's go with ballerina anon, but i can change it if you've already got a ballerina here ;). this isn't even really about my family life but more of a rant on how mistreatment is so normalized at my job idk??

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i work with 6-8yo children in summer camps and i'm also a "teacher" to form people who will work at summer camp with children. As such, i have learned the main 7 ways to mistreat children outside of the big three types of abuse (making the child follow a rhythm that's not adapted to them, or making them do activities they don't want to for example). I love what i do so much but it is so terrible to see that most animators (that's what we call my job here and i don't know the word in english) willingly mistreat the children or abuse them. I can't even report them to our superior because when i do, i get told i'm too sensitive or looking too much into things. i try to do what i can to make it better for the children, but there’s only so much i can do and my positive comments and attitude don't hold that much weight in front of the other animator constantly degrading them… My directors told me i was obviously a reference and trusted adult figure for the kids but that i should let the others have a bigger chance at connecting with the children, but what can i do ? of course children would rather give me their drawings rather than to the boy they know will make fun of it.

It's true I'm hyper protective of my kids and it probably has to do with my own history of abuse but I can't stand seeing an 18yo picking on a 6yo because she felt tired and chose to lay down calmly on the padded carpet instead of playing ball. It goes against everything I stand for. I hate that I sometimes have to choose between mistreating one child or another because my colleagues can’t be bothered to do their jobs. I shouldn’t be told i’m too sensitive because i want those kids to be treated like actual people. i shouldn’t be told i’m overreacting when i cry because this boy a whole lot bigger than me comes into my room and yells at me because i refused to let a 6yo roam around unsupervised.

i love my job, there’s no question about that. i love taking care of my kids and there’s nothing that makes me feel more useful and gratified than a 6yo looking me in the eyes on the last day going, “you know, i’m not going tonight. I’m not leaving you. Even in 200 years i’m not leaving you” or a 7yo giving me a letter so that i would not forget about her and to tell me that she loved me a lot lot lot and i’m the best teacher she’s ever had anyway. i wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world but at the same time, i’m so tired of seeing how they are treated by some other animators. At this point, i don’t even care if that’s caused by my own trauma because the kids i work with usually don’t come from a very comfortable family background and they deserve someone to actually care for them. I’m so grateful that i can help make their holidays just a little bit brighter and distract them from their problems but i wish i could do so much more.

Hey! I haven't got a ballerina anon, I'll add the tag :) I'll try to find your other post, but if you happen to have a link you could send me I'd appreciate it!

Gosh, this hits so close to home. I feel you so, so much, nonnie. Feeling helpless in the face of another adult mistreating a kid is a horrible, horrible feeling, especially when you've already done everything you can to stop it from happening and the mistreatment is not "bad"/overt enough that you can get authorities involved. It's just bad enough to make kids feel awful and scared while adults dismiss it and sometimes actively encourage it.

I know you wish you could do more, nonnie, but please never forget all that you've already done for these kids. Do you remember what it felt like to have a teacher or trusted adult who treated you with kindness and appreciation when you were a little kid going through trauma? Because I do, and it sticks with you. Years and years into the future. Even into adulthood. I still remember some of the adults that were around me when I was 6-10 and who always showed me kindness and patience. I've held on to the memory of them because they've always been living proof that those kinds of people exist and I can find them again, and be one of them myself.

You can't change a system from the inside. You can't control other people's actions. But everything you can do, you're already doing, and so much more than that. Remember to be proud of yourself for that, because you deserve to be. And who knows, maybe one of the kids who have been in your care will grow up someday and know that they want to be like you.

I hope you can find ways to take care of yourself when you're feeling burnt out from dealing with all of this.

Sending a virtual hug ❤️

#Ask #Ballerina anon #Trauma mention #Abuse tw #Child abuse tw

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shadowsong26fic · 8 months

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Coming Attractions!

First Monday of the month, so here we go.

As per usual, this also means an open question night--my askbox is always open, but I'll be actively keeping an eye on it tonight. I do take prompts, but am not necessarily fast in filling them. Any fandom I've posted about here or on AO3 is fair game, as is any of my original stuff.

Short one this month, because I didn't get much done last month, whoops...a big work project took up more brainmeats than I expected it would, ah well.

Mostly moved, mostly everything is sorted; a few things I still need to finish organizing/putting away/etc. But that should also free up some brainspace hopefully!

Anyway. Actual updates.

Star Wars:

Pretty much the same as last week--need to catch up on OTP meme fills; poking back at my original plan for last year's SWBB so I can use it for this year. Not a lot of progress, but hopefully this month will be better!

BSG:

Big Bang matches have gone out! I'm excited to see how everything turns out. And hopefully get actually back into writing the many plotlines that are floating around in my head, lol...particularly The Other Battlestar which still needs an Official title and has been waiting to come out of my head and get Shared for like. over a year. even discounting the like 8-10 year gap when I wandered away from the fandom...

I should be picking up my rewatch soon, too! I have the back half of season 3, plus season 4, and maybe the webisodes (I have access to Face of the Enemy but not Resistance, so we'll see if I actually watch those). Which does mean we're coming up on my absolute least favorite episode in the entire series, haha. I haven't even gotten to it yet and I'm already mad about it (and have found an Additional Reason to be mad about it that I hadn't had before! Yay!) But also after that I get Lampkin, who I love, and while season 4 is a mess in terms of cohesion/continuity it has some of my very favorite episodes in the entire series, So.

Castlevania:

I haven't actually sat down and watched Nocturne yet (mostly because of the aforementioned work stuff), so I haven't quite fallen back into this fandom yet. I do want to get back to Incinctus, and I had one other plot thread idea for another fic based on the first series (essentially, shifting Alucard's S3 timeline by six weeks so the night Sumi and Taka plan to attack him is the same night Greta's messenger gets there, and then see where things go from there).

It's kind of interesting--I have approximately zero knowledge of the games, apart from a few bits and pieces I've picked up from reading fics and/or hanging out on a discord server. Which, of course, has been talking a lot about Nocturne...but almost entirely in the context of how it relates to the game characters/plotlines it's drawing from. Which means I'm both...more and less hyped for it? I don't know, I'm not sure how to word how it's impacted my interest/excitement/etc. for the followup series, because a lot of the comments about certain characters/choices completely fly over my head but they Dominate the server and I'm like "...okay?"

Anyway, we'll see how I feel about it when I watch the series. And if I do end up building a VC crossover in my head (because like. armand and the theatre are right there and while I was able to confine myself to a quick Easter Egg reference in Incinctus...lol.)

Les Mis:

The next chapter of P&J is coming, I swear. Also planning to debut Acheron this month because...I mean I know it's technically a Groundhog Day AU set in June, but it feels appropriate to start posting it around Halloween? IDK XD

Original Fic:

Again I do need to catch up on OTP memes. I do like the one piece I put out this month, which was about the Horsemen in Lux. They're a Delight and I love them.

...yeah, that's about it. Like I said, short post this month because I didn't get much actual writing done last month. Hopefully October will be better for me (if nothing else, hopefully I actually will catch up on all the backlogged OTP Meme fills, lol...)

#miscellania #coming attractions #open question night

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topconfessions · 11 months

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so can we all agree top got squid game because of connections and connections only

Dude, I deadass said this on a private Instagram that spills tea about him when I found out. He really is moving up through connects and networking. He got squid game cause of Jae and the moon project clout.

I'm happy he got the gig but also peeved cause he legit gave up on acting and hasn't seriously even did his due dieglience with acting for years now, so him getting squid game is a huge shocker to me cause just keeping it real here, why couldn't he have worked hard and consistently with subtle networking via staying active in the acting world. We were sort of pushed to believe through the fan base that top was so inconsolable emotionally from the weed incident w/ seo hee that he wasn't fit nor ready to ever return back to acting. He's done everything else but show passion towards acting or at least take small roles to get his feet wet again to earnestly work his way back up. This is a very Hollywood type of move that I usually expect here in America. Not saying politics don't exist in overseas, but this is really bold. Abruptly bold.

It's just annoying that other for that identifying himself for projects like the wine products and dear moon as an actor, he put no effort forth on it. These are opportunities that could have been given to an unknown who really needs it. That model who won everyone over in the first season, she became an international star and success overnight because of her striking looks and performance. The show had big names in korean in it but still some new blood and lesser names like the hot cop who is now a big star. Squid Game is very successful cause they picked the right people who star power didn't overshadow and water down the show. I think Lee Byunghyun was the villain that the cop had to deal with if I remember correctly?

Either way, this was handed to top and it feels very adverse and strange if not off putting to me that he is just jumping into a major project like this which is a 2nd globally renowned thing that many Korean actors seasoned, popular and new won't ever get the chance at. Something is off here.

Later on today or this weekend maybe Sunday, I know before 4th of July, I'm changing the name of this blog and working on it Finally! Cause I don't want my opinions conflicting the subject matter of the blog anymore. This will be a general celebrity and Asian confessions blog.

Maybe If you guys have discord, we can make a small group chat / server and talk further about this. I wish Tumblr had group option or something. I'll have to figure out something where we can do that or stay here but make selective hidden posts for discussion.

Anyways, I have a conspiracy theory about this but I'm not going to say it openly cause again, I'm not gonna listen to nor entertain people saying I'm an Anti when I point out the obvious. But I think aside from connections he got it a different way.

Take a minute to think about it and you'll know what I mean. You'll know exactly what I mean.

He better act his ass off and cool that bizarre behavior down cause this is it. He is chosen and his popularity depending on which role they give him and how long his character lasts, will make him BLOW UP in popularity. He may shoot up to 17-22 million followers (I don't follow him anymore so idk how many followers he has now).

I won't go back and bandwagon if he blows up cause I remember who he used to be in big bang then who he was when bigbang was aging out then who he was during his brief acting stint then who he was when he acted out after the weed seo hee scandal.

So I'm officially over it guys.

I'll think of a name tonight.

I know we can't control nor dictate how people bounce back as a comeback and all the blessings to him but to me, something about it isn't sitting right with me. I'm over it. I'm exhausted and this was too much of a wild Rollercoaster for me just to see him finally get back out there becoming who I'd like to see him be in such a random and disingenuous way.

He's the Pete Davison of Korea now minus not being ugly. I was going to watch squid game regardless but now I'll have to pretend like I know about thing about him so I can get through it unless his acting blows me away.

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porcelainlost · 5 years

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#anyway my activity could be lower for like the next week?#idk how much i can be on tonight i have my last strike to go to which i wont get back until midnight #and then i'm going back up to my cabin with my friend for the week!#and it'll be chill and i'll bring my computer #but it might just be bullshit posts like over the 4th !#just a heads up!#but also i'm on discord for easy chatting too!

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aquafinha · 2 years

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buddie have u been watching UK v The World? thots on that and/or S14?? (I've got my faves on each but don't wanna put in the ask in case it might be spoilery since it's technically mid-season for both)

Hi!! I've been watching both and I DEFINITELY have thoughts but I've been lazy about expressing them here more than vaguely. I have time, so let's get into it :) Sticking it behind a read more obviously due to spoilers!

OK, UK vs the World first....before it started I wanted Lemon to win...well lol, back to the drawing board I guess. (for the record I think her being in the bottom was BS, but I am biased, so...)

As of now I'm pulling hard for Pangina, I love her, she's a gem. Please don't send her home anytime soon, y'all...

I just want Baga to go home, tbh - I don't have a problem with anyone else but her. I remember on her season, I thought she was funny....now I'm wondering why I thought that. The "Oh, it's totally ok for me to pay someone from a foreign country to do my work for me" thing was...really super cringe to me.

I'm wondering if Jujubee is playing the long game or what? (not that the show is too long, but you know...) I love her, I don't want her to go home but I feel like it might happen soon (no, I haven't read any spoilers for today yet so IDK who goes home this week lol we watch it at 9 PM on Tuesdays).

Mo has been stunning (obligatory to use that word for her, hello) and I hope she finishes high!

The only UK girl I was really pulling for was Cheryl and now she's gone too :( (nothing against Blu, I just wasn't actively rooting for her)

I didn't watch any of the Holland seasons so I hadn't seen Janey before, but....idk. She's beautiful! But the attitude...I dunno.

And Jimbo is...well, Jimbo is Jimbo. I never know what to expect, lol.

As for S14....ok! I have ✨opinions✨I don't completely understand the "send people home the first two episodes and then bring them back" concept but whatever... I get wanting to show everyone off in smaller groups, though.

I'm not doing the greatest with my favorites! I love Alyssa, she's gone, I love Kornbread, she's out, I love Maddy, she's gone too...I hate to ask who's next, lol (also I would never ask because I hate spoilers!! Thanks to the person who replied to Maddy's Instagram post and let me know a week ahead that she would be going home, ugh.)

Willow is my absolute favorite though and I feel like she really has a good chance of winning! Angeria is amazing too and I'll support anyone from my state (well...except for Tamisha Iman last season...anyway) so I hope she keeps up the pace she's at! She's amazing.

I like Daya (more than her sister...sorry, unpopular opinion, I know) but I don't get getting upset because you asked for critique and got it??? I completely understand wanting to hear some critique if you're safe a lot, but don't be upset when you don't hear what you want to hear.

Still baffled that Lady Camden didn't win the challenge this past week because her look was gorgeous! And she sold it so well in my opinion! I like Jorgeous but I wouldn't have picked her as the winner.

I don't get why things got so...whatever between Maddy and Jasmine on Untucked, but it appeased the people who hate when the girls get along, so good for them I guess 😐

I know there's more I could talk about but my brain is fried from all that thinking, lol! We'll see how much of this is invalid after watching UK vs the World tonight...

#ask #answered #talking about drag race #drag race spoilers #uk vs the world #rpdr season 14

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drabbleoclock · 3 years

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Subtlety (Toya Todoroki AU P1)

Ok so this is an AU where Endeavor convinces Toya to give up his dream of becoming a hero so Dabi is never created. Also this is gonna be a two parter because I was inspired by this tik tok but I have not gotten to the part that actually inspired it yet, but this is getting kinda long so i'm just gonna make it a second part.

Anyway, I don't think there are any TWs in here, there are implied spicy times but nothing explicit. It's honestly just cute fluffy Toya.

Ok so I just went back and edited this and Idk why it keeps changing he to I in certain spots?? When I go to edit it and fix it, it is correct so I guess we just gotta live with it.

There were a few times Nozomi thought Toya might really like her. Of course she would never admit that she knew. She recalled his teasing when they had first started seeing each other, his taunts of "Don't fall in love with me now doll." ringing in her head as she caught the way he would look at her when she left after their first few nights together, a look of hidden disappointment.

The first time Nozomi questioned how he felt was when she first met his sister.

She had fallen against his chest, panting lightly, her fingers absentmindedly tracing the light burn marks on his arms. He chuckled, letting his head fall back against the pillows.

"You're way to good at that." He said, notably not taking his hands off of her hips.

"Well practice makes perfect right." She smirked back at him, lifting herself off of the bed and grabbing her clothes off of the floor.

"Hmm, I suppose so. When should we... practice again?" He asked, bending over her to grab his shirt from the floor, brushing his fingers over her hips. She smiled brightly making his heartbeat quicken. He willed it to slow, brushing it off as a result of their previous activity.

"Hmm, my roommate is going out of town next week, maybe you could pay me a visit?" Nozomi suggested pulling her shirt over her head and fixing her hair in the small mirror he had by his door.

"Can't wait, I'll walk you out." Toya smiled, holding the door open for the girl he thought was such a bad ass to walk through.

He had met Nozomi at a concert he had gone to see with some friends that ended up ditching him for some chicks that were smoking outside.

He had seen her across the room, her piercings glinting in the stage lights. She had tattoos up and down her arms that seemed to dance on their own as the girl moved. This confused and intrigued Toya greatly, he had never seen anything like it. He later found out this was an effect of her quirk, letting her tattoos move around her body freely. He gravitated toward the girl all night, not being able to stop himself from looking at her, imagining what she would be like with him. Eventually, after some crafty flirting, he found out.

Then found out a few more times.

"What a gentleman tonight." Nozomi teased placing a hand gently above her heart, pulling Toya out of his memory and walking through the door into the dark hallway.

"I do my best." Toya quipped back, resting his hand on her lower back as they walked to his front door. It was supposed to be a clear shot there, but Fuyumi had other plans.

She had seen the girl with her older brother a few times, more than he had brought any other girl around, and wanted to see what made this girl special to her brother, so she hid in the kitchen until she heard Toya try to sneak her out of the house.

Pretending she had just finished making her almost empty cup of tea, she walked out, feigning surprise as she "accidentally" bumped into the couple.

"Oh hello, you must be Nozomi, Toya has told me about you." Fuyumi said brightly, bowing slightly at the woman in front of her.

Toya groaned in annoyance as he tried to push his fling toward the door.

"Really?" She questioned, holding her ground intrigued by the statement. "All good things I hope."

"Oh yes, he talks about how 'surprisingly cool' you are." Fuyumi told her, quoting the words Toya had shared the other night when asked about the girl.

"You make it sound like I talk about her all the time. I don't." He cut in, pushing the girl harder now, trying to hide his pink cheeks in the dark of the hallway. "And I don't appreciate this ambush Yumi."

"Come on T, I wanna find out just how surprisingly cool I am." Nozomi teased, giving in and let herself be pushed to the door, waving at Fuyumi and laughing at his annoyed face as she went, the door closing quickly behind her with just a quick "see ya" from Toya who refused to let her see his flushed face.

That was the first time she suspected Toya might be catching feelings. Though admittedly a little pissed at the word surprisingly before the word cool in his description of her, she overlooked it not really caring too much what he thought of her. Not yet anyway.

The next time she suspected was a surprise to both of them. Nozomi's roommate had kicked her out of their shared apartment with only her backpack of personal belongings. She would have been fine with this had it not been for the group of thugs hanging around the building. They had taken her bag, wallet, phone, everything she had on her. Everything she had. Plus, to pour salt on the wound, had roughed her up a little when she tried to fight for her belongings.

She had put up a good fight but she was simply outnumbered and the heroes had long forgotten about her little corner of the city, deeming it beyond saving.

Not knowing where else to go, with no family or friends nearby, she went to the Todoroki household. She knocked on the front door, trying her best to get rid of any evidence of tears from her face. Shivering from the cold autumn night, she stood there waiting for anybody to answer the door.

Not much to her surprise, the girl she had met a few weeks ago stood before her. The woman, Fuyumi she remembered, was in a dressing gown, her white hair falling around her shoulders, the streaks of red popping in the moonlight.

Fuyumi was surprised to see the girl, especially in the state she was in. Her hair was a tangled mess, despite her attempts to comb out the knots as she walked, scraps and bruises littering her arms, and a few scraps on her face, a small trail of blood coming from where the small bit of metal went through her eyebrow. Nozomi loved every one of her piercings, but she did have to admit they were a bit of a disadvantage in a fight.

"Oh dear, are you alright? Come in, I'll go get Toya." She said, leading the girl to the living room, guiding her to sit on one of the pillows on the floor. "I'll get the first aid kit as well." Fuyumi muttered already headed down the hall to Toya's bedroom.

Toya had thought Fuyumi was messing with him, telling him his girlfriend was hurt in the living room. He laughed when she had said it, telling her he did not have a girlfriend, that he wasn't the type, but his sister just sighed and put on her best mom voice, demanding that he go into the living room.

So he did, strolling into the living room with his hands in the pockets of his pajama pants, not quite sure what to expect.

It certainly wasn't what he found. While she was definitely not his girlfriend, she was the closest thing he has ever had to one.

"What the hell happened to you?" He asked nonchalantly, taking his hand out of his pocket to motion to her face, an anger forming in his chest that contradicted the calmness of his voice.

"A lot." Nozomi answered, trying to swallow the sobs that threatened the back of her throat. "Let's run through my night. First, Kita kicked me out and I don't she her letting me back in. Then, some assholes tried to take my bag. When I fought back for it they took my phone and smashed it up, leaving me with absolutely nothing to my name, and nowhere to go. And now I'm here, unexpectedly dropping all of this shit on you, someone who has no reason to deal with all of my shit," Nozomi hickuped, letting the tears and the sobs she had been holding in all night out. "I'm so sorry, I just didn't know where else to go." She finished putting her head in her hands, trying not to let him see her in such a fragile state.

Toya didn't know what to do. He wanted to tell her it was fine, that she could stay as long as she needed to, but he knew that if his father found out she was here it... Wouldn't be good. He wanted to hug her, tell her that he would help her figure it out, but his body just stood there unmoving.

Thankfully Fuyumi was back, carrying the first aid kit that was usually stashed in the bathroom. She stopped by Toya, pushing the first aid kit into his hands and giving him a small push toward the crying woman.

"She's your friend so you can clean her up. I'm going back to bed." She said, already walking down the hallway to her room before there could be any protests.

"Right, lets get you cleaned up then." He said, kneeling beside the woman he had seen just a few nights ago. He remembered her smile then, how it made the corners of his own mouth twitch up. It was completely contagious, he wanted to see it now, he imagined how beautiful it would look in the moonlight.

He mentally cursed himself for the thought. Maybe Fuyumi was right, maybe he did like this girl, but now was far from the time to dwell on that.

"I hope you at least got a few good licks in." He joked ,desperate to make her stop crying. He moved her hands from her face and wiped the tears that were falling before bringing a soft, wet cloth to her brow, washing away the blood that had dried there.

"I think I at least broke one nose." Nozomi replied, a playful smile dancing on the corner of her lips. Her face was still sad but there it was, as beautiful as he knew it would be. Toya's cheeks warmed as he tried to focus on cleaning Nozomi's wounds.

"You can stay here, at least for a few days. Endeavor is out of town so it shouldn't be too much of a problem." Was his reply, returning to reality and turning his face into an uncaring mask, the one he always hid behind when faced with new feelings.

"Thank you." Was the only reply he got, Nozomi trying to read why he had suddenly dropped his own beautiful smile as she wrapped herself in a hug, trying to warm herself up.

Nozomi thought she might know why. She knew she was breaking down his walls, knew that he was trying to put them back up around himself, she just didn't know why, not for sure anyway. She figured, in the way he called his father Endeavor, in the way his voice grew darker and more stern when talking about him. It was the way she referenced her own family.

She didn't really want to think about it, and knew he certainly didn't want to talk about it so she just left it alone. It wasn't really her place to poke into his personal life anyway. She was just a booty call after all, well that's what her mind told her anyway. Deep down she knew, knew that something was growing, a bond that would soon be stronger than anything the two of them had ever had.

"Here." Toya said stripping his sweatshirt off (an Endeavor hoodie with crude sharpie marks) and pushing it into her arms. "You're shivering."

"Thank you. For everything." She whispered, bringing the sweatshirt over her head.

"Don't mention it. Now, I'm going to bed. You're welcome to join me of course." He said, getting up and walking back towards his room, Nozomi hot on his heels.

That night they shared a bed together, for the first time just sleeping. Her arms wrapped tightly around him as her head rested on his shoulder. His arm wrapped around her shoulders, his other hand resting under his head.

He hardly slept that night. He kept getting distracted by her, the way her mouth fell open slightly, the way she moved when she breathed, everything about her was intoxicating to him, and honestly it terrified him.

#toya todoroki #soft toya #original character #fuyumi todoroki #mha au #bnha au #mha fic #Toya deserves better #get my mans some help #toya fluff #fluff #soft

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thedoctor1002 · 4 years

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Idk, I never posted one of my fics here but guess I'll try ~

Also, English is not my first language so feel free to correct me QwQ

Fandom: Psycho-Pass -season 1- (is this still a thing?)

Characters: Kogami Shinya, Sasayama Mitsuru, OC

Prompt (it was in Italian, so I'll translate): write a story using three among these words: cloud, dusk, thunderstorm, storm, hull, bay, shelter, sail, night

Title: Log date: 2110/02/28 (Friday) 22:04

---

The lights of the bay flicker dynamically before your eyes.

They dance hypnotically, of the same cyan colour of your office’s walls, but with a whole different beat. They drink the red and white trails from the traffic, they shatter and multiply in the tears of an inclement rain. I know how much you hate it, you just can’t stand going on recon with an umbrella. On the other hand, I love it.

Rain brings us close together under the waterproof cloth and I manage to observe details that neon lights often hide from me: the precise way you part your hair, the last few drops of the jasmine perfume on your jacket, your long lashes. Shion thinks they’re fake. We always fight over it, can you believe me?

After all, you’ve never been the kind of woman to wear such frills.

A notification arrives, the acid light of your impalpable PC breaks through the sacred dark from where you pretend you don’t see me. It digs your silhouette and paints you like a ghost on the huge windows of the Public Safety Bureau.

Your jet-black hair lay on your back like varnish pouring over the white silk of your blouse.

“Pulling an all-nighter, Inspector Matou?” I ask casually, exposed. With you, after all, I always am: you’re the only one that can shush my shitty jokes.

But this time you laugh slightly: nothing more than a spike, a trembling breath that shakes your ribs and lips.

“The forecasts say that the storm won’t stop until tomorrow morning,” you tell me, sitting at your desk, “also, I’ve been delaying this paperwork through all week, it's about time I get it done. Might as well do some overtime and get rid of it, don’t you think?”

“You’re such a workaholic.” I label you, realizing how lucky I am being allowed to do it: Ginoza, that prude, would have never let it slide “You should leave some for the rest of the precinct: make 'em earn their wages.”

A tired smile crosses your face as you tap your fingers on the keyboard. It’s so clear you’re trying to avoid my glance.

You used to look for it.

You looked for my eyes at briefings, in that discrete way that eventually shocked everyone. You looked for them among alleys, as soon as you heard a gunshot or the chocked sound of a fight.

And when you found me, it felt like a 7 miles free fall.

“How are the legs going?” I dare to ask. I see the hollow structure of your new shins below the hem of your pencil skirt. They swing a bit underneath the glass of your desk. You didn’t lose your damn tic, your right heel shakes like the needle of a sewing machine even when you seem calm.

You shrug and drink the bottom of an already empty glass of water.

I shouldn’t have asked. It breaks my heart, to see you like this.

You don’t give me an answer and massage the back of your knee with a sigh. Lately, I feel like you’re avoiding me.

You’re turning back into the one you were before: uncompromising, cold and distant. I wonder if the bunch of ingrates downstairs have been calling you Dobermann again. I wonder if you’re still as relentless.

You worry me: your stress level is getting darker and darker. You don’t want old Kasei to take issues with you, not again.

I can imagine how you must have felt, the night when this mess happened.

You most likely got pissed, if I do know you.

I mean, did they really think I got away on my own? I bet you never doubted me: no one knows an Enforcer better than its Inspector.

“Runaway?! Have you lost your minds?” Sasayama?!”

Those were the first words you said when they rescued you. You spoke them way before cleansing your lungs from the rotten water of the river, way before asking Masaoka if you’d have ever got back to feeling your lower legs. They hurt like hell and you had to pull them around like sandbags.

“They got him” you panted, holding tight on your mentor’s coat “They took him away, I tell you!” The one that kidnapped him wasn’t a latent criminal. The Dominator didn’t activate, not even when they shot me. Please, believe me. Check on the log files, please.”

Crime coefficient: 0.

I know that bug still haunts you.

Cause, after all, it’s can’t be anything else: who on earth is that Makishima to fly under the Sibyl Sistem’s radar? Who can fool a network that knows your crimes before you do? And how is it possible that the silhouette that kneecapped you and threw you into a river could possibly be innocent?

You haven’t lost your mind, Inspector: the Dominator betrayed me, too.

Don’t think I don’t know how pitiful must have been, the next three days.

Makishima isn’t real. Forget it, it was just a delirium. You were in shock.

It was the trauma, dear. It was a breakdown. It was burnout syndrome.

You’d use some holiday, darling. Take a week. Take two. Go somewhere far, no, better: just stay at home. Go to therapy. Keep yourself busy, don’t think about it. Work. Also, don’t work: it wears you out!

They put you back on your feet in less than six hours, but nobody allowed you to join search parties. Heaven forbid your stress level getting any darker. Heaven forbid that yet another good Inspector gets demoted among those damn Enforcers. But, still, in the whole IT section, there wasn’t a single nerd that could get that night's logs. That's one funny thing, ain't it?

Woman, sometimes I wish your damn head wasn't that hard. I wish you didn't follow the Forensics to get a lift, so soon after the deed.

At least, you could have listened to Kogami. Shit, didn't you see how pale he was? You didn't even need the Dominator to read him, his stress level was mindblowing!

You should have believed him when he told you you didn't want to enter that alley. First off, it was already full of other detectives and analysts. I have no idea what kind of business you had to do in there. Second thing second, Kogami has an eye for certain matters. Do you think he didn't notice I’ve always been all over you? Not gonna lie, maybe I told him about you, once or twice.

But no, of course, you had to get in.

The software that taught you how to walk on those carbon stilts made you stand your ground and bark a "For fuck's sake, Shinya, move!" worthy of the Dobermann’s reputation. Even those who hadn't been called out made way.

But your new legs didn't hold you, when you saw what they had made of my corpse.

I'm sorry, Katsumi, I never wanted to upset you like that.

You know how much I would have rather have a more heroic death. I don't know, like, in the middle of a shooting, saving the day. It would have been much classier, less tacky, less trash. I think I deserved it, that's all.

You stop typing and rub your temples. You shelter what’s left of your lipstick behind your hand. I wish I could kiss it off, instead of watching you consume it in a ruby red halo in the notch between your thumb and your index.

You lift your eyes only for Kogami, who’s passing by your office like a nurse in its night shift.

“So?” he asks in a whisper, putting more care in that question than I could have ever done. More than anybody could have ever done, because he’s the only one that gets you, right now. You two seem like the only ones who lost something.

You shake your head slowly, staring at the monitor and the dangerously high Crime Coefficient on the display.

“It's not working” you wail softly, misty-eyed. I can’t believe it, is it still you?

“They’re gonna kick me out anyway, if it doesn’t lower quickly” you continue, with that realism of yours. I used to call you a jinx for that but, at the end of the day, you always got our backs. “It’s for the best if I just resign. I’m gonna keep what's left of my dignity, at least.”

The dark profile of my best friend looks through me, as he sits on the armchair next to mine. He would like to say something, a word of encouragement maybe, we all know it in this damn room, but numbers shut our mouths.

“You could become an Enforcer” he proposes.

Goddammit, Shinya, did we work with the same person? Katsumi as an Enforcer?

And there you go, shaking your head. You hold your face in your hands and let your raven hair hide your visage.

“Can you imagine me, following orders? I do know how to work, I can do it better than three-quarters of our colleagues and I’ve never had problems remarking it. They’d eat me alive if they had the chance. Dogs celebrate on the corpses of lions.”

“But lions remain lions and dogs stay dogs.” Kogami finishes, stealing my lines.

I notice the slight trembling of your finger, as you tap your touchpad to send that last confirm.

In a few moments, the system will have your resignation registered. Your profile won’t unlock your Dominator anymore and in a few days time, just enough for you to collect your belongings, you won’t even manage to enter the office.

Who’s gonna explain to old Kasei that there's more of your stuff here than in your apartment?

I’d ask you what do you plan on doing with your life, but tonight’s decision seems definitely brave enough to call it a day.

I look at the tabs you open in your browser, they mirror in the windows behind you.

Air travel.

Argentina, Cuba, States, New Zealand, Germany, Kenya. You go around the world in 80 seconds flat, you multiply your chances and spread them all through the air in front of you, in a complex diagram that doesn’t lead anywhere.

I never wanted to take you away from your home, you don’t deserve this.

You cover your eyes with a hand and use the other one to pick a random selection from your atlas.

Greece.

“Well, at least it’s on the sea.” you wrap up, condensing in a handful of words the only satisfaction you can find in starting a brand new life.

You two stare at the transparent screenshot of your flight, the countdown on the web page seems way too joyful.

“It’s so exciting, Katsumi Matou! Check-in your luggage. Your journey will begin in: 06 days: 17 hours: 34 minutes: 21 seconds”

20.

19.

18.

Seconds pass by, in complete silence.

“Do you think it would be a burden to him?” you ask Shinya, “Do you think he’d understand?”

Who would have guessed that a cynic one like yourself could believe in the afterlife? I wish I were here to ask you. I wish we could have spoken about life, death, sex, about things long gone and things yet to be.

His hand squeezes yours gently, as he looks at you in the eye, hoping to stop the train to Paranoidland from setting off.

“It’s not your fault” he reassures you as he can: the both of you wouldn’t make the average person’s empathy.

But he’s right, though, it really isn’t: I know you’ve done anything you could. It’s always been like that.

“Maybe I owe him” you draft “Even if they don’t believe in Makishima, maybe one day I could have proved he exists.”

The teal of your Psycho-Pass would suit you wonderfully, if it wasn’t a description of your mental health.

What could you possibly do in these conditions? You’d have ended up in a cubicle, filing loss and theft reports. You would have never made it to the dossiers, surely not to those of such a controversial case. Making you end up in a study room would have been my final bullshit. I’m happy with your choice, really. I would have loved visiting Europe someday.

“Don’t talk nonsense.” Kogami rebukes you, externalizing what I’ve been thinking all along: “I’m going to look out for your man: your team has already given way too much. I’m gonna find him, Matou, cold case or not.”

You nod, but it’s clear you don’t believe him. I can read through you, you’re a terrible liar.

I don’t think you don’t trust him, most likely you’ve done the math and figured that working on an independent case is far too difficult for an Inspector, let alone for an Enforcer.

And there it is, my fall. After an exhausting chase, you finally look into my eyes, even though -according to Shinya- you’re most likely staring at the void.

Despite being used to such races, believe me, I’ve missed you.

“I’m just so sorry.” you finally whisper, giving me a bitter smile.

Try and stop me, Ginoza, tell me once again how inappropriate it is: I don’t mind anymore. I get up and I don’t hesitate while holding you and leaving a kiss on your hair, shamelessly.

“I’m going to grab some coffee” I announce, walking backwards to the door like a shrimp, just to look at my dearest friends a bit longer. “I’d get you one, but I’m short on coins. Maybe next time.”

“See you, Inspector.”, Kogami greets you, leaving alongside me.

“Be good.” you wave back, as we were all to meet again tomorrow.

Walking through the dark alley, I can hear an excerpt from our last conversation through the opaque glass of your office.

“You’re jerk, Sasayama!”

I can hear you laughing out loud, through the crackly recording. You laughed at my gall, with that warm, strong, sweet voice of yours, mocking me. Admit it: mine, after all, were the only compliments that could make you blush.

It’s incredible how we managed to joke even inside a car that was taking us on a crime scene. To an external eye, we might have looked disrespectful. Truth is I’ve always feared death so much I just had to laugh at the reaper.

“Oh, come on, what would it take? Come with me to the Precinct’s New Year’s dinner, the 17th is around the corner!” I kept annoying you, as you were too busy driving to mind my dumb flirt attempts. I still can’t get how we never had an accident. “Be good, Katsumi, give me a joy to live for!”

“You could always ask Shion, you know? You always give her more attention, after all.”

I hear the subtle sound of the wheels stopping, the parking brake cracking and it’s like Ogishima’s outskirts appear before my eyes, in that same January night. That place gave me goosebumps, but I would have hated if you understood it.

“Here we are” you announced, with still a bit of resentment in your voice. You unlocked the passenger’s door and I remember I left your Dominator in the car’s trunk: I didn’t want you to follow me. Not that time.

“You scare me when you pay so much attention” you commented, noticing how serious I got “will you tell me why are you insisting so much to keep on searching? Kogami got the guy. Tomorrow we go, we arrest him and it's thank you, next.”

My answer has been recorded as a distant and muffled noise, but I still can trace it: “He’s not the one, I tell you. I have another suspect, but I need a more solid base. And you’re staying, Inspector.”

“Staying?! You’ve gone crazy!” you laughed, locking the corporate sedan behind you “If something were to happen to you, or worse if you didn’t come back, Kasei would…”

“I said you’re staying: it’s dangerous.”

“Sasayama, our work is dangerous,” you replied, contemptuous, understanding that clearly among the gear I brought I didn’t count yours and going back to the car to get it “One more risk won’t make a difference: if I have to drop dead, it can either be here, at home or god knows where.”

“Will you join me for the precinct’s dinner, though?”

And here is a sequence that the voice recorder surely can’t have grasped, but that I could remember even in a thousand years. You cast an outraged glance over me from above the trunk’s door, panting through a half-smile. You shook your head, tucking your hair behind your ear. And finally, after refusing my invitations since 17th November, during lunch break, you smiled shrugging.

“Deal, come on, just make way” you sighed, as your heels echoed on the wet concrete “Still, you’re a jerk.”

“I recorded it: you have no excu-”

The audio file interrupts.

End of recording.

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

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Janis & Grace

Janis: What's this I hear about a bitch fight, like? Grace: ugh can you NOT please Janis: Is it true though Grace: it wasn't a fight okay I just lost my chill like Grace: moving on Janis: 💔 Janis: shame Janis: what happened then Grace: I don't wanna talk about it Janis: I mean I'd ask her but she ain't responding either Janis: very unlike Mia Grace: I didn't hit her that hard but sure Grace: she'll be watching a tutorial for like fake bruises or whatever obvs Grace: make me look worse Janis: again, gutted Janis: but seriously Janis: why'd you finally lose it with the bitch Grace: ask Pablo Janis: ? Janis: what's he got to do with it Grace: while you were getting with barista boy on the school trip they were also hooking up at some party Janis: no way Janis: what the fuck Grace: he didn't even try & deny it Grace: I literally can't with either of them Janis: Jesus Janis: kinda wish I didn't know now Janis: 🤢 Grace: UM yeah same Grace: but she just had to tell me cos I was dealing with a lot that wasn't about her Janis: well yeah Janis: sitting on that one 'til the best time Janis: cow Janis: should've hit her hard, I'd have shown you Grace: I'm not trying to get sued babes Grace: & it wasn't like I decided to hit her or anything Janis: wouldn't waste a court's time with that shite Janis: daddy not trying to get done for wasting resources really Janis: did think Pablo had better taste, tbh Janis: well, not really but you know Grace: Ew don't call him daddy Grace: I can't even be angry right Grace: I should've just kept crying like I always do Janis: Come on Janis: smacking her ones the best thing you ever did Janis: felt good, yeah? Grace: you'd have done it better Janis: still can, like Janis: have to be a decent apology for that Janis: 💰💰💰 at least Grace: if you do, vlog it & send me the footage Grace: I can't be here Grace: I literally have to leave Janis: where are you gonna go? Grace: idk Grace: I can't think rn Janis: You at home? Grace: obvs not they all think I'm mental there Grace: this isn't gonna help Janis: Hardly Janis: she deserved it Janis: how long do you need Janis: away, like Grace: if I'm freaking out now it'll be worse when she retaliates so ????? Grace: & when school starts Grace: OMG LITERALLY WHAT AM I GONNA DO? Janis: Calm down Janis: okay, you'll be fine Janis: contrary to her word being law in your circle, no one actually gives a fuck what she says Janis: anyway Janis: you said you have loads of shit on her, right? Grace: everyone needs to stop telling me to calm down Grace: you don't even understand Grace: she knows as much about me Grace: this is so bad Janis: exactly Janis: so if she's got any brains, she won't be spreading it Janis: if you don't move, she can't, yeah Grace: but I did Grace: I literally hit her Janis: you don't do things like that, you lot Janis: you didn't post anything about her or her and Pablo, did you Grace: I don't want anyone knowing that ever happened, why would I? Janis: see, wouldn't that be much worse Janis: to her Janis: how you lot operate Janis: she'll make up some story about why you hit her, if she chooses to go for that angle Janis: but she knows you've got all the real shit if she's gonna try anything else Janis: stalemate Grace: Yeah, I guess Janis: I'm sure Janis: school'll be fine Grace: UM how?? it's already rubbish & now I've got no one Janis: join the club Janis: just show up, do your lessons Janis: go town on your lunch break Janis: easy Grace: You've got your bf Grace: don't do him like that Janis: I didn't before, did I Janis: never mind just last term Grace: you didn't want one before Janis: no lad at that school, maybe Grace: I'm gonna have to get one now Grace: ugh Grace: 🙏🙏 there's some party tonight or something Janis: how's that the solution Grace: to not being alone? well duh Grace: who's single rn? 🤔🤔🤔 Janis: 🙄 honestly Grace Grace: excuse you Grace: I'm trying to be pro-active here Janis: you've lost your friend not girlfriend Janis: that's what you should be aiming for Grace: she was my friend for like 10 years, most of my relationships don't last 10 days Grace: I obvs can't just find a new bestie Janis: you can try Janis: that's what you want Janis: what boyfriend has ever been good company Grace: yeah cos she was so good for me Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: not the kind of good I meant Janis: a lad ain't gonna chat about reality telly with you and reapply lippy in the loos Grace: a gay one maybe Janis: if you want a gay bff you go for it Janis: bit problematic but sure we can let it slide Grace: all I actually need is someone whose arm I can be on in the halls & whatever Grace: boys are easy to get Grace: easier than friends anyway Janis: alright Janis: if you say so Grace: duh then I can say I dumped my friends for my man Janis: well they are your friends Janis: so they'll know you haven't Grace: no-one else will tho Janis: I'm not sure anyone else will be too concerned Grace: rude Janis: why? Janis: it's the truth Janis: not like the entire school is on the edge of their seat every time you two fall out Grace: obvs they are too busy watching you & your boy Grace: that doesn't make me utterly irrelevant thank you Janis: why are you getting offended Janis: it's not a performance Janis: just do what you want Grace: Oh sure Grace: I told you idk how to be different Janis: it's a good chance Janis: you've got a couple of days Janis: don't be rash, like Grace: I'm so not ready to just like overhaul my life excuse me Janis: it's shit, right Janis: what do you actually have to lose Grace: I told you on that school trip, if I try & I'm still the worst, what then? Janis: go back to faking it with vigor Janis: no one will know, like Grace: I will Grace: & you since it's your suggestion Janis: who am I telling Janis: not even a good secret Grace: ugh Grace: I'm freaking out, I can't commit to anything if it's not a detox, babes Grace: & even then Janis: boyfriend probably ain't the one then Janis: it's what Janis: 7 weeks if you wanna survive the first term Janis: maybe more? Grace: OMG don't Janis: Hell that's only half term, even Janis: then that'll end and it's more drama Janis: don't need that Grace: that's like 7 boys I need to find Janis: you can't just line 'em all up Grace: tragically Janis: could always transfer Grace: do you think mum and dad will let me? Janis: I wasn't being serious but they probably would Janis: just say Mias shoved your head down the bog Grace: EW Grace: did work for Nancy though so Grace: devastated I can't go to Chelsea Janis: mm did it Janis: she did try to fuck her special ed teacher Grace: Oh yeah Grace: & she wasn't even cute Grace: awks Janis: 🙄 Janis: and her twin has ended up inbreeding so don't reckon much to his fine education tbh Grace: Maybe I should hook up with Mia's dad Janis: don't be grim Grace: He's not hot but he is rich Janis: only relevant if you marry him Janis: and her mum is still very much alive and you'd have to last a while to be written in Janis: if ever Grace: I probably look too young for him to be 😍😍😍 anyway Grace: I'll hit him up post surgery if I'm still bitter Janis: you know people have surgery to look younger Janis: what kind of surgeon you found that's gonna make you a grandma Grace: 😂😂 Janis: I mean you will anyway Janis: your desired aesthetic ends up looking Donatella Versace when the filler starts to drop out Grace: gross Janis: He'll defs have a secretary he's banging, they always do Janis: just send a confession to her house and watch the fireworks, like Grace: that's a secret I already know, babes Grace: Mia caught him forever ago Janis: awh Janis: she does have a 💘 Grace: she has an even bigger allowance cos of too Janis: 'course Janis: got that to look forward to, Venus Janis: pretend to be her and tell then, even more trouble Grace: Do you want me to change or not? Janis: no one said you need to be a nun about it Janis: and if you ain't up for round 2 Grace: Yeah okay Janis: Seriously Janis: you don't need to worry Grace: it's fine for you, you don't care what anyone says or thinks or does Janis: yeah Janis: well she's a cunt Janis: why let her get to you Grace: it's not like I want her to Grace: she just does Janis: had 10 years to perfect it, I guess Grace: mhmmm Janis: don't mean you need another 10 Janis: fake that it doesn't get to you, like you said Grace: idk if I even can but sure Janis: why not Janis: you fake everything else, right Grace: & everyone's seeing through it rn Janis: doesn't have to be a bad thing Grace: Pablo called me mental & he got with Mia Janis: Pablo calls everyone and everything mental Janis: his vocab is lacking along with his brain, like Grace: 😂 Janis: doubt he was aiming for a soul-reaching read Janis: just a moody twat, yeah Grace: it's so okay for boys to have moods like it just makes them look hotter if anything but if a girl our age does anything she's mental Grace: is anyone in this fam calling him out for sleeping with girls at parties he says he doesn't know, no just me getting slutshamed Janis: that's misogyny, kid Janis: and I'm sure we're all very disappointed with him for it, like Janis: but as you said, everyone's seeing through you rn so Grace: my feet hurt I can't even run away Grace: I'm putting my coffee cup on the ground & giving up Grace: throw some euros in it if you come this way Janis: if you come here you can earn 'em and think about something else for a bit Grace: ?? Janis: we wanna go out Janis: the kid already knows you so come watch him for a few hours, yeah Janis: better hiding place than wherever you've got to Grace: before I say yeah, is his sister there too? Janis: I can assure you she'll be out as soon as she gets the chance Grace: Okay Janis: she's like Gus' age Janis: she can take care of herself Grace: as long as that's the only way she's like Gus Janis: 😏 Janis: bit rude but yeah Grace: oh come on, he's a lot Janis: 😂 and you're not Grace: that's why I can say it duh Janis: so is that a yeah or what Grace: I'm omw Janis: good stuff Grace: I need to fix my makeup first so Janis: so you'll be five hours Janis: come on Grace: Shut up Grace: I can't do it in a moving car, I'll look worse than I do now Janis: as long as you aren't rocking a 🤡 look I don't think the kid will mind Grace: you and the love of your life will still have to let me in Grace: what are you wearing? am I gonna have to be fake nice about it Janis: it's cool, he doesn't think you're nice, like Janis: told him what a bitch you are, obvs Grace: thanks babes Janis: any time 🖤 Grace: 💜 Janis: anyway, you'd be here for it Grace: Yeah? Janis: it's stupid Janis: had to dress up 'cos not fully sure where we're going so Grace: that's soooo cute Janis: alright Janis: that's enough Grace: I didn't even start Grace: so mean Janis: I know Grace: Do you want me to do your makeup? Janis: I don't think we'll have time Janis: takes an age don't it Grace: for me cos I have problem areas Grace: it wouldn't take like any time to do yours Janis: okay go on Janis: but we can't make him wait forever so it really does have to be speedy Grace: OMG really?? Grace: I promise, like 10 mins Janis: 👌 Janis: why not Grace: yay Janis: love the enthusiasm, babe Grace: Babes, if you could see me rn Grace: 🙌💜🙌 Grace: but if I get too excited I'll never get there Janis: I know it's shit Janis: but she's been shit for a long time Grace: & I know that Janis: yeah Janis: well Bobby will be happy to see you Grace: duh it's totally mutual Grace: he's a babe Janis: shame you can't take him to school 💕 Grace: he isn't a 🐶 I can't just put him in my 👜 hun Janis: think this one is too big for that and all Janis: 'less you're going really hard Grace: OMG has he got a big scary dog! 😱😱 Grace: one of my exes had one that was like Grace: so evil Janis: no Janis: it's just not a rat dog Janis: and it's nice just a bit excitable, only a puppy, like Grace: 🙏🙏 Grace: thank god Janis: just walked it so it should be chill-ish Janis: [sends pic 'cos god knows I have enough] Grace: ask him if I can steal it for school 😍 Janis: 😏 probably say yes Grace: that's so happening then Janis: you so don't need these bad influences in your life Janis: do you reckon mum used to put Ri in her school bag Grace: obvs have her strapped to the front & all her books in a backpack Grace: if I had a baby I could get away with leaving school though, I'll think about it Janis: behave Grace: I need to find the hottest boy ever first Grace: so it'd be cute Janis: shut up Janis: anyway Janis: don't always work Janis: look at Drew and Ro's kid Janis: weird looking thing, they're both attractive enough Grace: is she though? Janis: thought you'd tell me off for being mean Janis: she could be, if she wasn't dying, like Grace: never seen her when she wasn't so it's too hard to tell Janis: 💔 Janis: must be Mia's GP Janis: doling out the advice Grace: I'll book myself in ASAP Janis: like you said Janis: not a look, is it Grace: neither's this Grace: whatever I don't have the commitment Grace: stopped making myself throw up forever ago Janis: did you? Grace: it's like really hard to do Grace: someone should PSA that Janis: along with all the reasons not to, yeah Janis: reckon there's been a couple of films and docs on it Grace: it has its upsides too obvs, how I get any lads to date me Janis: you can shut up now Janis: didn't need to hear about Pablo jumping Mia's bones Janis: don't need to hear about you Grace: you just wanna hear about my bulimic past instead Grace: 🙄🙄 Janis: um I didn't ask you about that either Grace: you literally just did Grace: but fine Janis: what did you want me to say Grace: whatever I don't need an intervention for that so Janis: alright Grace: where's his dad? He's not gonna like come back & freak out that I'm watching his kid, like who am I, is he? Janis: nah he's on a date of his own Janis: if he came back early, just give me a call, like Grace: Gross Grace: 👌👌 Janis: he is Grace: I bet he's hot though, son like that Janis: old men are so not your thing Janis: don't need to go down that route, tah Janis: and he's not Janis: like he could've been but he's well past it Grace: tragic Grace: I wonder if his mum is pretty Grace: they could've been like couple goals forever ago Janis: long as you keep your speculating to yourself Grace: obvs I'm not that stupid Grace: or mean Janis: just saying Janis: it is really messed up Janis: wonder where she is Grace: did he tell you anything? Janis: they don't know anything Grace: Oh Grace: poor Bobby Janis: I know Janis: still Janis: Jim looks after him really well Grace: yeah he talked about him like non-stop at the fair Grace: it's nice that they have each other Janis: it is Janis: hard for him sometimes though Grace: obvs he can't just do whatever he wants Grace: unless I'm babysitting Janis: and with his job Janis: we're spoilt brats, like Grace: maybe I'll get one Grace: keep me busy Janis: I'd like one Janis: but I'd definitely throw coffee over people like you so Janis: gotta think Grace: rude but v true Grace: there's like lots of stuff at the sports centre you could do Janis: 😏 Janis: yeah maybe Janis: not the worst idea Grace: I'm mostly fake stupid Janis: leave that off the job applications Grace: idk what I'd even apply for anyway so Janis: you could do anything retail Grace: they want girls who look good in the clothes Janis: you do, you daft cow Grace: on like 1 day out of 7 Grace: I can't maintain that much gym time Janis: 🙄 Janis: alright, you could be a teasgirl in a salon or something Grace: maybe but lots of girls wanna do that Janis: yeah but every job gets more applicants than it needs Janis: worth a shot, if you wanna Grace: sure Janis: work on your resume later though, yeah Janis: on the clock here Grace: I'll make dad do it Janis: hasn't he got catering to be planning Grace: okay fine mum then Janis: surely she has a lovely big 👒 to buy Grace: yeah but we'll fit it around the shopping trips duh Janis: 🙄 Janis: gross Grace: you don't have to come, babes Janis: made it pretty clear I won't be Grace: yeah Janis: you know anyone who'd want some meth, like Grace: that's not funny thank you Janis: it ain't Janis: made a right dent in my back pocket, like Grace: so you better start job hunting Janis: I'll find a buyer Grace: Janis Janis: what Grace: you can't sell drugs Janis: not gonna make it my career Grace: just throw it away Grace: it's freaking me out that you even still have it Janis: not gonna waste it Janis: it's fine Grace: OMG how is it fine??! Grace: you could get murdered Janis: not for this much Janis: didn't go that crazy Grace: people get killed for their phones Janis: alright after school special Janis: worry 'bout yourself then, never off yours, you'd be fucked Grace: excuse me for not wanting you dead Grace: & I dropped mine so it is Janis: unlucky Janis: excuse to say you've lost all their numbers though Grace: that was obvs my plan not just a clumsy bitch 🙄🙄 Janis: 👌 Janis: less believeable than you getting a boy to stick for 7 weeks but we'll roll with it Grace: UM rude Grace: it's 7 boys, lasting a week Janis: 😏 7 dickheads for the price of 1, whatever Grace: even I can keep a boy for a week Janis: the real questions Grace: it's not a q, I can Janis: LOL Grace: stop being a bitch & let me in Janis: finally Grace: ILY too babes Janis: yeah yeah Grace: & you're so welcome 💜 Janis: shut up I'm coming as fast as I can alright Grace: it's literally raining btw Janis: let's hope dickhead ain't planned a picnic Grace: 😂😂 Grace: 💔

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survivor-ingary · 3 years

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Episode 3 - "RIP tribe Jenkins we were too powerful" - Riley

The 3 tribes of Pendragon, Hatter, and Jenkins have been reorganized and condensed into 2 new Hatter and Pendragon Tribes. Tribal immunity is Scavenger Hunt.

The fact I have Brayden and Toph in my merged tribe boosts my serotonin. i have a feeling colin may be someone to keep an eye out for in the future now...

RIP tribe Jenkins we were too powerful. I guess we'll see how Pendragon pans out.

yall doin me dirty putting me with brayden i just hope that by some miracle me him anastasia and ellie can work together? like i still dont know if theyre plotting on my ass vdshibshj i know brayden told anastasia to take me out when this game started oop but lemme see if dis works. i hope riley follows the logic of the old tribe sticking together and thatll be 5 votes. im kinda obsessed with toph like since the beginning of the game he looks like someone i could totally play with so def wanna work on that relationship. ava and nya? i believe? lets say hello and work on those relationships as well. dis is a bit overwhelming but we shall see how it goes

uh... well... i am SCREWED. me and ginny were the only ones separated from the Jenkins tribe... RIP. 4 pendragons, 2 hatters, and 2 jenkins... the main things i see here are pendragon yoinking one of the hatters / jenkins and voting the other off... OR a 4-4 tie... OR they're gonna target one of me or ginny cuz none of us have gone to tribal council yet. this is really dicey, and I need to tread very, very carefully from hereon. (ALSO GINNY BARELY TALKS PLS I NEED YOUR HELP GIRL)

This swap actually turned out pretty amazing for me. I still have Keith and Moth who I worked semi-close with in the pre-swap. Additionally, I've met up with Colin and Babs. A little Raffy magic could keep me very safe on this tribe. I think Kenneth is super fun as he is a newbie AND active. He will definitely make it far in this game. I hope, at the very least, that I can be by his side to make that happen. However, I am wary he might just be making these strong social connections with everyone. As a final note, OG Pendragons have this tribe 4 to 8. That's both good and bad. Good because we have numbers. Bad because that may make people target me very early on just for being a part of it. So, I have decided that if I were to throw any of my OG Pendragons to the wolves it would be Jonathan as I haven't been able to connect with them as well as Keith and Moth. Other than that, I hope this tribe doesn't have to go to tribal all that often between now and the next swap/merge. These people are lovely.

I'm getting a bad feeling about this... Since most of my Jenkins tribemates are on the other tribe, I KNOW they're good cuz we just keep getting W's... so I think there is a good chance we might lose the challenge. I contributed a good amount, so I hope that the target won't be on me if ever we lose the challenge :( I really don't wanna go, and I wanna reunite with Dennis/Ellie and maybe Anastasia and get further in the game.

youtube

i worked hard on this confessional

Our tribe did our absolute best in this challenge. I have no idea who is getting targeted if we go to tribal as everyone is so quiet. All I know is that I want to keep Colin, Kenneth, and Keith close to me for this stage of the game. They are the only ones who consistently talk to me. Challenge results: Pendragon wins due to a 10% advantage, Hatter Tribe must go to tribal council the following day.

THANK GOD I FINALLY GET TO GO TO A TRIBAL, ITS BEEN TOO LONG!!!!

Look, before you go to tribal with a group of people it feels like there’s a barrier of game socialization because you haven’t been able to go to tribal with them. But leading up to tribal and after it, a whole new can of worms is available for game talk. Unfortunately it’s an extremely simple vote because Nya has ghosted all of us, but at least we still get to go to tribal so I can talk game with more people even if it’s only a small amount with this easy vote. But who knows, someone might decide to switch shit up!

And also I absolutely love this tribe (Minus Nya cause I haven’t met them) so I’m glad that I get to go forward with this group although I won’t be nearly as happy if we go to tribal again because as I said, I do enjoy this group of people a lot

Moth (Tumblr will only allow me 10 images so player banners stop now, whoops) I believe the only reason I will make it to the next round is because of Raffys advantage. I’d be so screwed otherwise

I like Babs. They got good vibes.

Also I’d kill to know how the other tribe reacted

Dennis in a perfect world i would try to not vote out nya but bdksksksoksks theyve done it to themselves. no need to make waves. unless someone else is secretly plotting on me i think this is about to be an easy tribal. damn one point. miss ellie had her name down on stuff that she didnt do. also overslept that first challenge is she purposey trying to sabotage and play the villain? who knowssss also ive broken my streak of never going to tribe tribal sigh

Toph So what’s happening, I can’t remember the last time I made a confession but the tea yall ?! Soooo the tribe swap happened and my gut was right soooo okay intuition work ! I feel like I really like everyone from the merge and nya as remained inactive since, after losing the challenge it seems like an easy vote but you can never be to safe, I have my little allinnce with Brayden and Ava which is wig and I really dig Ellie , Anastasia, and Dennis too, I’m gonna be so nervous if we have to go to tribal agian because it could be me ! I’m not to sure about Reilly but they seem nice ! I feel pretty good with Anastasia as well and feel we could rope her into an alliance easily, I’m just gonna due my best right now to play the middle, keep my head down and speak positively. I really need to find an idol or something even better just so I don’t have to worry as super much and just plain worry then lol. If anything I’m gonna stay loyal to brayden and Ava the most since there my day one homies. Brayden seems to be close with Anastasia which could definitely help in are favor of having the numbers on are side. But could mean he would easily cut me for her if needed, so that mean I need to get closer with Ava, just to gaurnetee my safety, I have to look out for me this game and only me, making sure the numbers are kn my side I’m constantly on the right side of the vote should help me strageticly float to the end and win my crown thank you very much. I’m also lowkey worried about alliance’s being made right now without me! Everyone seems to be online but my chats are a bit quite but this could be me overthinking things mmmhmm I’m not sure, we’ll anyways it was nice to vent to y’all. :)

Riley Nooooooo I can't believe we lost by just one point. Damn the Hatter tribe's secret bonus point boost >:(

Kenneth I am honestly in such a shock that we won that challenge... Raffy really came in clutch and helped us win AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Now I don't have to worry about being randomly blindsided or targeted for at least a couple more days now pls I just hope we get lucky again and another swap happens where I would be on the right side of the numbers, all prepared for merge domination >:) Raffy Oof. I know the other tribe is MAD because I would be too. Like, we only won because of my advantage giving us a 1 POINT LEAD. That's crazy! Honestly, this works for me as I can still focus o n making strong social connections within this tribe. By the time we go to tribal, I will be so integrated with this tribe that voting me out would do a lot more short-term harm than long-term good. I want to see if Kenneth would start an alliance with me as that is someone I want to work closely with. In this alliance? I have no idea. I'll probably let Kenneth take the lead on that since I want him to feel like he is in charge. Dennis nothing is real

if i go tonight i would applaud it bc i am so sure nya is going. it would be a goop if the vote really wasnt nya but everyone is more or less trying to do the easy thing i think. i just hope she is okay and just too busy for dis.

some time has gone by and im just chilling. im not chilling because i feel safe, im chilling because i dont know what else to do. i cant be all game talk 24/7 because then im an outcast and would get targeted. besides the obvi alliances like a+b and maybe(?!?!??) an e(?!) in there, idk what alliances there are. like there has to be something but i dont have the picture yet. as yall know im not in any alliances in my current tribe besides i guess ellie who i fear is a saboteur lol and most likely working with a+b. a+b are such a double edged sword for me ugh. am i really in their best interests???????????????? am i really in ellies best interest???? do they know about her idol too?????????? likeeeee thats the issue. if im not really in their best interests then im the next to go after nya. i am probs very low if not the lowest on this tribe if dats true. i mean what if i really am in their best interests and theyre all genuinely trying to work with me? idk! if not then im next to go efuhijdhvbf and i fear im probably not.

i really like toph. taurus sun (in the 12th!) gemini everything else king. hes got social game on lock like who wouldnt wanna work with him ?! and hes a cutie ?! ?! ?! but i seen the chart -.- i know what hes doin. i think hes working with ellie. but he reaches out to me and probably others but i like our conversations. (but im sure everyone loves their conversations with toph!! hes great!!!!! friendly ol toph wont harm a fly ?!) i hope he likes me and sees i actually would wanna work with him above all the gorls and chooses me over them too.

ava also knows what theyre doing. saturnian legend. we barely talk but little short bits here and there. i hope its bc theyre busy but im sure ellie is talking to them more than me amongst others too. oop also possible alliance, brayden toph ava who all swapped together. so gotta keep that in mind. but yeah i dont really think im much of their priority esp if theyre on vacay they would hear a name and not stress too much if its mine bc we dont have ties like that.

riley and i talk here and there, had a lil chat today

someone once told me that i just look like someone you cant trust but you can :( sometimes :)

so yeah here i am having lots of thoughts over the last few days.

maybe im not super super invested just yet bc i feel like the rug is gonna get swept out right from under me again :))) also back on my bs telling people im a leo moon. i shouldnt weaponize astrology but hey.

#episodes

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tylerwritez · 3 years

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3:38 p.m. Wednesday June 30 2021

Song reccomendation:

Hey guys. We went to the mall again because it's too hot to go outside. I l1fted a bit but I did buy a blue and purple tie dyed tank top for summer and a Slayer shirt from the hot topic.

We had funsies, me and my friend were chatting and stuff. Not much to say.

I'm feeling sucky now cos we got lunch at the italianos store and I wanted to get Dulce De Leche because what's the point of going to the italianos if ur leaving with NO dulce de leche....?? Its so yummy. My mom said yes but my 11 YEAR OLD SISTER LIKE FLIPPED OVER THE CAN AND READ OFF THE GRAMS OF SUGAR AND CALORIES!!!!! liKE WHAT??? ITS NONE OF UR BUSINESS JESUS!!!!!! thanks for triggering my uh disordered eating... cos after that I wanted to cry and I just put the can back and remembered how fat I am and I ALMSOT HAD A BREAKDOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STORE LIKE IT WAS THE WORST FEELING...

Now I'm worried about my CaLoRieS and jesus it's the worst feeling... thanks sister who is eleven and REALLY MEAN?? she literally calls me short fat and ugly all the time... I think my mom and sister make me the most insecure. My mom is always ragging on what I eat how much I eat what time I eat it's the WORST PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE???? like I'm trying. You think I don't ALREADY feel bad??? Like okay way to shame your HEALTHY BMI (bmi 22) child for... eating a sandwich for lunch? I can't even. Like YEAH IM A BIT CHUBBY BUT IT HURTS MY FEELINGS FOR Y'ALL TO POINT IT OUT COS IVE BEEN INSECURE MY WHOLE LIFE AND I JUST CAN'T EVEN. I CAN'T.

.... but we had fun at the mall. So yeah.

I think I ended up l1fting like, a choker, some masks (for covid), fake nails (for my sister), and some hair bands (since my hair is crazy in the morning and always gets in my eyes)

Also some mentos XD but I won't be eating those since I feel like shitttt thanks family ily ♡ /s no I don't

Also that stuff I was talking about being upset over the divorce? Last night? I'm better now so dw.

.... I'm ravenously hungry right nowwww but. We are going to ignore that. Because hungry is good. Itz good to be hungry it means you're on the right track and if you stay hungry long enough you DO lose weight. You just gotta stay hungry. ALSO, ALSO IM TRYING TO AVOID BLOATING because if I bloat then I get insecure with no top on,,, and it's hot out, so what I wanna do is keep my tummy flat ALL DAY so I can wear like just my sports bra or smthn... i hate saying that I'm wearing a bra but like thAt's what it is if I called it anything else I'd confuse you.

If you're on this blog for the first time,,, I'm MALE, so like don't just assume I'm a girl.

I feel like I dont pass enough but also I dont really mind? Like people keep calling me a girl but I dont see it? I personally dont think I look feminine??

.... I guess when I'm naked... JAY.

and when I dont bind, and my voice, but that's about it.

Also uhm. I'm kinda a kleptomaniac. I'm gonna check the diagnostic criteria for that because... I sorta l1ft every time I go out. Even if I dont NEED anything. It's not a problem, since I'm not getting caught, but it's still a CRIME and I should try and slow it down a bit.

At least I'm not HAULING as much as I used to.... I would FILL my mfing backpack, bro. I would go nuts. So I gotta try n be more careful so I don't get caught. I take too many risks... sex!!!!, theivery!!!!, and light drugs.

But isnt that what being 15 is about? Idk. I'll post pics of what I l1fted to my l1fting blog after I remove the metadata/exit data (location data) so I don't get doxxed...

Also I dont know if I told yall this but I might get contact lenses :) I think glasses make me look ugly so i dont wanna wear em. Also i hate having em on my face all the time it's just plain annoying.

4:18 p.m. update: okay so we're going home.

My mom is being kinda annoying shes like mocking me... Whateverrrrrrrrr idc. Jay is at his friends house rn, Eden is busy and Erin proabably won't come if Eden doesn't come so I guess I'm resigned to biking alone tonight.... probabaly after I pack all my shit of course.

11:20 a.m. update:

I didn't end up going biking... we took the bottles to the bottle depot, I got 20 bucks, and so did my sister even though she didnt even come :P

I got home and just went online. I was scouring Encyclopedia Metallum for any good active local metal bands that I could potentially see live in a concert in my city!

I ate okay today, kinda ate more than I intended to before I slept because I was so hungry :| willpower 0 (zero)

Anyways I ate to maintain today :/ which is okay I guess.

I'm a bit upset since my dad was crying about the divorce and like I tried to comfort him and said it's okay to cry and stuff but... MAN THATS PAINFUL.... and like... shouldnt it be the other way around? I hate this. I hate everyone feeling bad. And I hate having to be so grown up.

Oh well... I was always the hound of hell, not the lamb of god.

4:15 a.m. update

Everyone wants to hang out with me XD so I gotta ask about that

Roadtrip soon.

Idk, not much to say.

I'm uh, listening to MUSIC right now. I love music and I wanna play bass again. I also feel very insecure and want to cut my junk off so that's fun.

Goodnight ig

#Spotify #JudeJournals #judejournals #jude shepard

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