#assuming that rachel doesn’t tell me it’s terrible

[itsjustafia]

DKVday23 - Week 3: Proposal

Part 1: In Those Moments (They Knew)

Summary: While Kory is away, Dick enlists the help of his fellow Titans to plan his proposal.

Part: 1/2

Word Count: 2.4k

A/N: This took me foreeever to write. I think the cancellation news zapped my creativity. But anyway, this ended up being over 5k words long so it's gonna be a two-parter. Which ended up working because there's a tiny time skip in between. Will post the other half either tomorrow or the day after.

Tags: @escapism-through-imagination @ambeauty @ambelle @meetmeunderthestarrynight @d-grayson58

Dick has been slowly pacing back and forth for the past twenty minutes, waiting for everyone to arrive. His body filled with both anxiety and excitement to finally share the news he’s been keeping to himself these past few weeks.  

It’s been quite hard for him to hold it in for so long. For one thing, he’s a terrible liar. Despite his best efforts, he’s never been able to convince his friends and family of his lies. They see right through him. Always. Kory says it’s because he has a terrible poker face, likely due to wearing a domino mask for so many years of his life. Which he can’t help but agree with. As Nightwing, and previously Robin, he never has to worry about anyone calling his bluff from his expressions because half of his face is covered. And his voice alone is assertive enough for the common criminal to take seriously. Regular old Dick Grayson, on the other hand, just isn’t convincing enough. 

There’s also the fact that he just hates keeping things from people. Especially, Kory. Ever since their minor dispute about visions and destinies almost two years ago, they made a promise to always be honest and upfront with each other no matter how difficult the subject. They’ve both stayed true to that, and it’s only strengthened their relationship and deepened the love they have for one another. And now, even though he’s kept this secret for a very good reason, a small trace of guilt lingers in his chest for keeping her in the dark. 

Dick is taken out of his thoughts when he hears a gang of footsteps approach the training room. Donna, who had officially rejoined the team, leads the group into the room. They all gather around him, a mixture of confusion and suspicion on their faces. Which doesn’t surprise him. He had texted them all about an hour ago, right after Kory left the tower, saying they’d be having an emergency meeting at this time and attendance was absolutely mandatory. So, they all probably think something serious is going to be discussed. And that will happen. It just won’t be what they’re expecting. 

“Thank you all for coming,” Dick says as they all settle into their places. 

“Where’s Kory?” Rachel asks, looking around the large space. 

“She won’t be joining us. But she is the reason I called you all here.” 

“What did you do?” Tim inquires. 

Dick’s brows furrow as he crosses his arms over his chest. “Why do you assume I did something?”  

‘Well...because you’re you.” Donna interjects. A matter-of-fact tone to her voice. 

“What does that—you know what, never mind. I didn’t do anything. Kory and I are fine. She’s not here because I treated her to a spa day today, okay? Now can we all settle down,” Dick says, annoyance already beginning to wash over him. 

“Someone’s defensive,” Conner whispers to Krypto. 

His attempt at discreetness is clearly unsuccessful when Dick shoots them both a dirty look. “As I was saying. I called you all here because of Kory. I need your help with...some arrangements...” 

“Arrangements? What type of arrangements?” Gar asks. 

For a second, Dick wrestles with the decision to be vague or not. If he is vague, they might not want to help him at all. And the younger Titans, being some of the nosiest people he knows, might then make it their mission to find out the details to his plans. Which could indirectly spoil the surprise for Kory. On the other hand, if he does tell them what he’s planning, he’ll get the help he was seeking. But it’ll likely come with some pestering comments like the ones he’s already received not even five minutes into this meeting. And some not-so-great ideas, particularly from the boys. He goes with the latter anyway. 

“...Engagement arrangements. I’m planning to propose to Kory on our anniversary next week,” Dick explains. 

“Well, it’s about time Boy Wonder! I knew this day would come soon enough,” Donna says, a huge grin spreading across her face. 

“You did, did you? I remember telling you way back when we were kids that I had no plans to get married. So how did you know?” 

“Wait! Yes!” Rachel exclaims as she begins to poke Gar’s arm repeatedly. “This means someone owes me money!”  

“Seriously? You guy were betting on whether or not I’d propose?” Dick asks, looking between them in disbelief. 

Gar playfully smacks Rachel’s hand away. “Oh no, we knew you’d eventually do that. We just bet on when you’d do it.” 

“So, everyone just knew this was going to happen?”  

“Yes,” they all answer in unison. 

Dick tries to look and sound somewhat offended by all of this but he can’t. The fact that his entire family knew in their hearts that he and Kory would make it to this point in their relationship fills him with more joy than he thought it would.  

For a long time, he held back his feelings for Kory because he felt he’d mess things up. That his imperfections would get in the way of maintaining a successful, healthy relationship with her. But he was wrong. Being with Kory has been one of the easiest things he’s ever done. It feels as natural as breathing. Others noticing just how good they are together is an added bonus. 

“Okay. Now I’m curious. When did you all supposedly figure out I was going to marry Kory?” Dick inquires. 

“Hmmm does this ring a bell: “She’s not a killer, Donna. Has she killed people? Absolutely. Even tried to kill me, Rachel, and Gar. But Kory is nothing but an innocent, misunderstood woman”,” Donna says in her best Dick Grayson voice, making the younger Titans chuckle. 

“First of all, I do not sound like that. And second, I was not defending her that hard.”  

“Oh, please. You were down bad,” she says and then turn her attention to Tim. “I used that right, right?” 

“Perfect,” he replies, flashing her a toothy smile and two thumbs up. 

“Either way, was that really the moment you knew I’d marry her?” Dick asks, still unconvinced. 

“I guess I didn’t know you’d get married at that exact moment. But let’s just say I could tell you fell really hard and really fast. You didn’t trust a lot of people in the past, especially after you left Gotham for good. But you trusted Kory and you barely knew her. In a short amount of time, she broke down your defensive walls in a way even I wasn’t able to do. And I’ve known you for decades. So, yea, that’s when I knew you two had something special,” Donna explains. 

Dick gives her a warm smile, touched by her sincere words. He then turns his attention to the green-haired boy. “How about you? Since you were part of this whole bet situation, when did you know?” 

“Well, if I had to pick a specific moment...it’d be the time you told everyone what happened to Jericho. It felt like Kory had made up her mind to stand by you before you even revealed the secret. Like it didn’t matter what you were going to say, she’d give you the benefit of the doubt. Then when everyone left, she comforted you. And I guess...” 

The young boy trails off and Dick can see that he’s zoning out, likely distracted by another thought. 

“Gar?” he asks, a bit worried. 

“It’s just that...I lost my parents at a young age and my memories of them are a bit fuzzy now. But what I’ll always remember is the love they had for each other. The longing looks, the joking around and banter. Even when they were mad at each other it never really felt like they were. And, I don’t know, I guess you and Kory just remind me of them,” he answers honestly. 

Every once in a while, Gar surprises him in a way he doesn’t expect. He doesn’t talk about his life before the Titans much. And, honestly, Dick doesn’t remember a time where Gar has ever mentioned his parents at all. But ever since Metropolis, he’s been working on dealing with his trauma. To share his thoughts and feelings rather than keeping them all bottled up. A change that took Dick far too long to make himself. He’s proud of Gar and the progress he’s made not only recently but since they first met.  

“Wow,” Dick says, slightly taken aback. “That’s really sweet, Gar. Thank you...See this is why you’re my favorite.”  

“Hey!” Rachel exclaims, pretending to be offended. Dick simply offers her a grin and shrugged shoulders. 

“Ooh, okay my turn!” Conner interjects, ignoring Dick’s joke. “I knew you and Kory were crazy about each other and would get married when Kory was more upset with me for blowing up Blackfire’s ship than she was with you for going out on your own for, what was it the third time, and getting yourself killed.” 

“Maybe Kory really liked that ship,” Dick offers jokingly. 

“Maybe you should consider becoming a comedian.”  

“Okay, sorry. But I don’t see how that meant she and I’d get married, Conner.” 

“It’s simple. She favors you. And you, her. Which means you’ll always choose each other.” 

Dick can’t bring himself to disagree with Conner’s statement. He does have a tendency to show favor to Kory. When they first met, he always gave her the benefit of the doubt, even though she might not have deserved it at the time. Partially because he was attracted to her and partially because he just somehow knew he could trust her. And ever since then his favoritism has only gotten worse and more obvious, especially now that they’re dating. He’s not even ashamed, despite the younger Titans’ attempts to make him feel bad about it. He loves Kory, and she’ll just always be able to get her way with him. 

“Fair point,” Dick says, knowing he has no rebuttal. Finally, he turns his attention to Rachel, giving her an expectant look. 

“Oh, is it my turn? You saved the best for last,” she declares. 

“What about me?” Tim interjects. 

“I mean, you met Dick and Kory right around the time they started dating.” 

“Yea, that’s true. But I will say, when I was researching the Titans before I met any of you, I did think Nightwing and Starfire were already a couple. Lots of people did, actually. You guys have a whole subreddit dedicated to you. I could show you if you want.” 

“I’ll just take your word for it. But good to know,” Dick assures. “So, Rachel, what moment do you want to share?” 

“First of all, I’m an empath, remember? I knew how you both felt about each other from the very beginning. Although, the constant staring at each other was also a dead giveaway...Anyway, if you’re looking for a specific moment, I guess I’d go with the day we saved Gotham. But the day Kory and I went to bust you out of prison is a close second.” 

“Why the day we saved Gotham?” Donna asks, confusion in her voice. 

It only takes Dick a second to realize that that was the day Rachel saw her. His and Kory's little girl. After absorbing the Lazarus Pit, she saw and felt all that he did while he was in there. The love and adoration he had for his daughter despite not actually knowing her yet. It still surprises him sometimes how quickly he accepted the reality. Of being a father and having a family with Kory. But he knows it’s because it’s what he’s always wanted. His parents were taken from him in the most tragic way and at such a young age. And while having a family of his own will never erase that, it’s still something he’s always dreamed of. He just never thought it would happen until he met Kory.  

Dick and Rachel exchange looks, and he hopes she can sense what he’s trying to say without words. He and Kory had decided a long time ago not to tell anyone else about their visions. One, because it was special and they just wanted to keep it to themselves. And two, they didn’t want to tempt fate. To get ahead of themselves by expecting this little miracle and go around telling everyone about what they saw, only for it not to happen, would be devastating. And it would likely take away from the future they might end up having instead if things did somehow change. All that matters for now is that he and Kory want to be together and start their family in the future. 

“Let’s just say the Lazarus pit can reveal some pretty amazing things,” she says with a small smile, understanding Dick’s non-verbal cue. 

“That doesn’t really answer the question,” Tim says. 

“It’s called being enigmatic, Tim.” 

“Eni-what?” 

“Anyway!” Donna says, cutting them off before a tangent ensues. “Back to these arrangements. How can we help, Dick?” 

“Well, before we get to that, I have to say thank you. To all of you,” Dick says sincerely. 

“We didn’t do anything...” Conner replies, a little confused. 

“Maybe not intentionally. But hearing that you guys basically saw me and Kory fall in love before we even realized it ourselves was nice.”  

When he called this meeting, he didn’t expect it to turn out this way. He did expect the jokes, but the expressions from his family about his relationship really surprised him in the best way possible. Plus, it’s given him some new ideas for his upcoming proposal. 

“It may have been nice for you to hear, but it was agonizing to witness in real time,” Rachel informs. 

“Right? Watching two people clearly in love with each other but totally oblivious to it is kind of stressful,” Gar adds.  

Dick lets out a big sigh as he stuffs his hands in his pockets and shakes his head. These kids sure did know how to ruin a good thing. If he didn’t need their help, he’d definitely disown them all. Donna too, since he can see her trying to stifle a laugh in the corner of his eyes. But for now, he’s stuck with them.

THANKS FOR READING.

STAY TUNED FOR THE PROPOSAL IN PART 2!

#dkvday23 #dickkory #dickkory fanfic #prompt: proposal #titans #kory anders #starfire #koriand'r #dick grayson #nightwing

[lostin20s]

/one/

The beginning of a story is so stressful. Not that it’s actually a story – I mean it is – but this one is mainly based on my real life. Things that actually happened. I also assume that when most writers start a story, they have a vision of where they want the book to go. I don’t. I just know I need to get these words out on paper – well more like on my screen. I don’t know. It’s a burden that I carry. And there’s not necessarily a point to this story, or a real ending, or a lesson to be learned. It’s just about something terrible that happened to me. The crazy thing about it is that even though it’s real, it didn’t feel real when it was happening. And I can’t remember all the details either – the brain is crazy like that you know. It protects you from all that bad shit so you can actually function as a person instead of succumbing to the trauma. As amazing as it is it still doesn’t do its job sometimes – that’s when it gets really bad. Like taking an ambulance ride to a mental hospital in Indiana at five in the morning kinda bad. But I’ll get to that later. Or maybe I won’t. Like I said, I’m not exactly sure where this is going to go or how it will end, so for now, I guess, you’re just along for the ride.

“Shannon-Claire come on, just take it. Your dad is busy with your brothers anyways.”

“But I don’t even know how to drive. Also, I’m not sure…” I stop talking there. I can never finish what I want to say when I’m dreaming. Well, this is actually what I refer to as a “night terror”. Usually this is a sign that I need to wake up or a way to clue me in that what is happening isn’t real, but I haven’t gotten to the point where I can recognize it yet. When the night terrors happen.

I start driving it. It’s huge. It feels like it stretches across the whole street. For some reason my vision is… messed up. It’s not blurry but things keep moving around and changing sizes. I start swerving. I think this is what acid is supposed to feel like. But I need to look cool in front of these girls. I can’t remember why I’m trying to impress them, but I just can’t shake the feeling that if I look dumb, they’ll laugh at me. I need them to like me.

 I crash into the mailbox. Rachel looks at me and her eyes are popping out of her skull. There’s something in my mouth. I spit and teeth and blood start spewing everywhere. I spit again and more come out. My mouth feels so full of tiny little pebbles, but I know it’s just more teeth. At this point I have seen at least eighty come out of my mouth. But it is still full, and I must keep spitting. I want to scream but I can’t.

“Wait is that your mom? I thought you said she was dead” Lauren chokes out. She sounds surprised. I’m surprised too. I thought my mom was supposed to be dead. I’m not sure what happened but I guess she didn’t die.

“Oh yeah… Um well I just tell people she’s dead because she was in a coma and hasn’t been the same since. She’s not really alive… I don’t know how to explain it.”

She’s in the front yard next to Grandpa. Her neck is broken, and her head is on backwards. The bruises are still there from her fall. Her eyes are sunken into her head like they were while she was in the coma. I haven’t seen her since then and I can’t remember how she got out of the hospital…

She’s walking towards us but it’s so hard to watch, the way that she struggles across the yard with her knees bending the wrong way. She’s holding Grandpa’s hand, but it looks all fucked up because her wrist is mangled too. She’s trying to smile but it looks all wrong, and there’s blood dripping down her chin, and suddenly my mouth is full again, and there’s blood running down my chin too, and I start spitting teeth out but my mom is alive and I’m so happy but terrified at the same time, I spit more and I get out of the van to go talk to her, but the world is all fucky again and my vision is pulsing black at the sides, I feel like there’s water in my lungs, my legs are a thousand pounds, I can’t breathe, I can’t move, I can’t scream, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I-

wake up. Sweating. Scared. I can’t remember where I am. I frantically grab my phone to turn on the light. I’m in my room. I can��t remember if my mom is real. I can’t remember what happened. I Google her name. Her obituary is the top result. Fuck. Back to reality.

And this is how my typical night goes. At least for a few months after she died. I start crying and hugging my knees. All I want is to talk to someone. But I’m too old to wake my dad up in the middle of the night, and plus, I can’t open up to my family. I just can’t. I wasn’t raised that way. And I don’t want to seem weak either, my brothers are so much younger than me and they seem to be handling it better. In my head I imagine she’s there next to me, comforting me from the nightmare, and it makes me that much sadder. That much more alone. To know that all I want is a hug and her presence and I’ll never feel it again. It’s terrible. So fucking terrible. I feel like a baby. Like a literal baby that craves nothing more than the comfort of its mother. I want to scream but I can’t wake everyone up, so I grab the pillow and bite it. I’m sobbing so hard that my nose is unusable because there’s mucus clogging the airway. I take the pillow out of my mouth to try and catch a breath and I can’t. All I can do is try to snort back the mucus. It isn’t working. I start choking because some of the mucus has gotten into my throat. I’m panicking. I’m panicking. My face and the back of my neck are burning. I lunge for the plastic trashcan in the corner of the room and puke. It starts spewing out my nose and the smell disgust me so much I puke again. I try and find something to wipe with but there’s nothing around and besides I’m already heaving again. Fuck it, I wipe my nose and mouth on my shirt. My throat and nasal passages are on fire. I use the shirt to wipe the tears from my face, and then book it to the bathroom. I’m scared that someone’s up for a late-night piss and I don’t want them to see me like this. I look in the mirror to see the damage and then get some mouthwash. I must gargle five mouthfuls before the burning sensation starts to ease. I sit on the toilet and stare at the wall for a bit before I decide it’s time to wrap things up. I take another look at myself in the mirror to try and determine if I look hot when my face is puffy and decide that in a fucked-up-toxic-kind-of-way, I look like a model after I cry. I give myself a fake smile and head back to my bedroom. For the rest of the night, I sit in my bed with the lamp on because I’m terrified that if I fall back asleep the dream will continue. I’m going to feel like shit tomorrow…

#journaling #trauma #living with ptsd #night terrors #my writing

[actuallymollyweasley]

IT IS 2:20AM ON AUGUST 20TH, 2019 AND I HAVEN’T PUBLISHED A SINGLE WORD OF FANFICTION IN ALMOST TWO YEARS

BUT GUESS WHO JUST FINISHED A ROUGH DRAFT OF THE NEXT CHAPTER OF KOTIB

#anya rambles #kotib #that’s right kids YOU’RE GETTING A NEW CHAPTER SOON #assuming that rachel doesn’t tell me it’s terrible #bc if that happens you will definitely not be getting a new chapter soon bc i would like for it to be worth the wait lol

[blindbeta]

Blind / Low Vision Person’s Review of “Blind” by Rachel DeWoskin and Why Writers Should Not Underestimate the Benefits of a Sensitivity Reader

[Content warnings: spoilers for the book. Ableism. Brief mention of an accident involving eye trauma. Mentions of suicide. Stereotypes about blind people. Also this review, because I focused on the portrayal of blindness, comes across negatively. Please know that I have no hate for the author and might even read another book she wrote. However, I did not like the way this book portrayed blindness and, as difficult as it is, I wanted to be honest in my review.]

I struggled with the title, and I’m not even sure benefits is the appropriate word. What I want to convey here is not Brought to You By Big Sensitivity Reader Company vibes, but more This Book Was Not Good and It Needed a Sensitivity Reader Very Badly vibes.

Blind is about Emma Silver, a high school student who goes blind in a traumatic accident. Here is a good summary and review by a blind person. I listened to the audiobook, which was narrated well. I’ll start by saying this will only be a review of the portrayal of blindness — I’ll try to leave my other opinions out just to keep things focused.

Unfortunately, focusing on just blindness means that it will not make this review more positive, because this book is about a blind girl recovering from going blind. In a way that is both inauthentic and swerves well out of the author’s lane. I say that because, as I hope will become apparent, this book consists of main character Emma being sad about being blind for the majority of the book. The book doesn’t simply have a character who goes blind. That is the main character’s entire arc.

This is a long review. However, I believe it will be invaluable for my readers and anyone who is interested in writing a blind character. Because this book passes most of my minimum standards for writing blind characters and was still lacking due to many factors, including stereotypes. I included many sub-headings so you can find specific topics easily.

Helpful Links

I include these links in the review. I’ll list them here for easy finding.

Here are two reviews of the book by blind readers: one and two.

Here is a video of the author talking about some of research she did for the book.

Here is my post Things I Want to See More Of / Less Of.

Here is my post about writing a blind character adjusting to being blind and being all sad about it when you aren’t blind yourself.

And finally, here is the post I shared that lists misconceptions about blind people.

The Author

The author, Rachel Dewoskin, is not blind. I did as much research as I could, but even if I hadn’t done so before reading the book, it was obvious she wasn’t blind herself. There are too many inaccuracies and offensive moments. This becomes a problem not because her MC was blind, but because she told a blind person’s story and used tropes in ways I think would be better off written by a blind person. If I’m going to read a story like this, I don’t want to read it from the perspective of a person who isn’t blind. When I get into the details of what went wrong, I hope you’ll see why.

Did the author do her research? Yes. The author met with blind people, clearly researched assistive technology and cane skills, and even taught herself contracted Braille. She talks a little about it in this video.

In fact, I wanted to say I am so impressed and grateful this author immersed herself in things like Braille and cane skills. None of my followers have shared that they went to a Lighthouse For the Blind or taught themselves to read Braille or spoken so passionately about why they loved it.

But sometimes research falls short. Or it is simply not enough.

That’s why I’m writing this review. For you writers writing blind characters when you aren’t blind. Because while the author clearly had good intentions, while the author clearly did her research and put in the time to learn and listen in ways I don’t think many of my followers have yet — the book was not authentic enough for me.

This book needed several sensitivity readers. If it had any, I would be surprised.

The Cover

The audiobook seems to have Braille on the cover, but I can’t tell if it is accessible or simply a picture of Braille. The cover features the word Blind in white print on a black background, with what seems to be Braille in rainbow colors that also spell out the title. I’ll reserve judgment here, since I don’t know the answer. If the Braille is tactile, then the cover is fantastic.

In the video I linked, the author seems to be holding the hardcover edition of the book with Braille on the cover. I can’t tell if the Braille is actually tactile or not.

What I Liked About the Book

I wanted to list a few things I liked about the book.

1. The main character is Jewish.

2. Emma has a large family full of well-developed characters and realistic portrayals of various ages. Everyone reacts uniquely to her blindness and I thought these characters were all used well. The scenes with Emma and her older sisters as well as the scenes with her mom were really great.

3. Emma gets therapy for her trauma. She also gets training to use a cane. These are annoyingly rare in stories.

4. As I said, the author clearly did her research. This is obvious when reading the book and In everything I found when researching the author after I finished it. I want to give the author praise here. I thought her explanations of technology Emma uses were the most accurate I have seen so far, both in books and when doing sensitivity reads.

What I Didn’t Like

I will start with this: Emma, after a year of learning to use her cane, is still using a cane inside her own house. After a year. This is not realistic, nor does it seem comfortable at all to use a cane in one’s own home. I don’t know anyone who does this and according to the other reviews, I am not the only one who was surprised by this.

Basically, this story would be okay with some inaccuracies. That’s to be expected. The real issue I had with this book was that it uses tropes the blind community generally hates and that the book is literally about !!! a character going blind and adapting. That’s the story. If you remove the blindness and the trauma, the story falls apart.

The author told a story that was not hers to tell and she did so badly.

If you are confused about why I dislike this, please read this post called Writing Blind Characters Accepting Being Blind When You Aren’t Blind Yourself.

What Did The Author Do Badly?

Trauma and Blindness

The story starts when main character, Emma, goes blind after a fireworks accident. Not only is this cliché, but it also tics one of my boxes in my Things I Want To See Less of post. This author wrote about a character going blind due to a traumatic accident. Link to the post.

In telling a story that was not hers to tell, here are some harmful things in the book:

The author does not do a good job of separating Emma’s trauma from her blindness. To be fair, this is difficult and most people don’t know to go about doing so with purpose. There are a lot of times in the book where the fact that Emma is traumatized leads to her saying a lot of terrible things about blindness and blind people that are never corrected or contradicted in the story. Again, if you are not sure why this is a problem, read the link I shared to my post.

Here are a few times this issue came up:

-Emma develops a habit of rocking, which myself and many reviewers know to attribute to trauma, but it isn’t clear if the author thinks blind people rock, as the stereotype indicates. Is Emma rocking as a trauma response or because she is blind? The book doesn’t make it clear. This is a time where authors need to be clear.

-Emma assumed she will never get a job, be kissed, get married, etc, after going blind.

-Emma yells about being ruined due to her blindness. The first two hours of the audiobook consist of Emma complaining about being blind. She mentions never being able to get a job a few times, assuming she won’t be able to work. While blind people do struggle with employment, this is due to discrimination, lack of transportation, lack of accommodations, lack of community support, and other systemic issues.

-Emma calls herself disfigured.

-Emma states she wanted to die. In another part of the book, when a background character we never met, Claire, completed suicide, Emma wonders if she was so focused on Claire because she wondered if she wanted to kill herself too.

-On the subject of the character, Claire, Emma states: “How easy would being gay be compared to being blind?”

This is especially damaging because some people are blind and gay. It also isn’t fair for Emma to compare them and the systemic issues that are faced by blind people and gay people. Emma not only trivializes homophobia, but also decides being blind is worse. For Emma, being blind is the worst thing ever, which is very isolating to read.

There are times where the fact that Emma is traumatized was not only grouped in with her blindness, but where the author used trauma to write ideas about blindness that are ultimately harmful.

This book, if readers of the blog want to read it, should be a lesson on why separating trauma from blindness is important. Whether that means making clear distinctions in the narrative itself or just not writing about a character going blind after a traumatic accident.

Let’s continue the overall things done badly.

Stereotypes and Tropes About Blind People

1. Rocking —

I have already mentioned the rocking thing above, but to reiterate here, not all blind people rock to orient themselves.

2. Touching Faces —

Emma and another blind character literally feel each other’s faces, one of the most hated tropes for blind people. In another scene, Emma feels another character’s face without asking.

3. Where Are the Audio Descriptions? —

Emma compares her life to a horror movie she couldn’t watch. This is a subtle reinforcement of the idea that blind people don’t watch films or television. The book makes no mention of audio descriptions. I suppose Emma and all the other blind characters simply don’t watch films or shows anymore.

4. Supposedly Fake Service Dogs —

Emma gets a dog that is specifically said to not be a guide dog. Emma brings this dog to restaurants and to school. Emma explains that she can get away with bringing her dog because no one wants to tell the blind kid no. This was, as you may be able to imagine, frustrating to read. Plenty of blind people have been denied access to transportation and buildings with a guide dog that is supposed to be able to travel freely. Emma’s blindness would absolutely not be a big help to her in bringing her dog places where it is not allowed. In showing Emma getting away with bringing her dog into restaurants when he is explicitly not a service dog, the author is contributing to a huge myth that prevents actual service dogs from traveling freely. Yes, this is only a book and it probably isn’t falling into the hands of someone powerful — however, it has probably been picked up by a business owner, a driver for public transport, a teacher, etc.

5. Avoiding words like see and look —

Emma avoids words like see and look. She also gets angry at her friends for using such words. At one point, Emma’s friend says something and Emma snaps, “I can’t see”. This prompts her friend to, according to Emma, never make that mistake again. Toward the end of the book, Emma is still avoiding such words.

Here is a list of misconceptions about blind people. Look at #6.

Here is another review of this book that also touches on this issue. The reviewer states: “The strange thing is that I’ve never known any blind person avoiding the use of words like “see” or “look.” Again, I’d hate for sighted people to read this book and think that blind folk all avoid words with visual associations; in fact, the only blind friends I talk to moan about sighted people avoiding the use of such visual words because they think we’ll be offended!”

6. All Blind People Are Apparently Totally Blind —

At one point in the story, Emma attends a school for the blind. Another character, who I think was Emma’s mother, says that the campus is beautiful. Emma makes this remark: “Why bother making a school for the blind beautiful? It’s lost on everyone anyway.”

Wow, Emma, that was rude. This is another example of where Emma’s pain and anger cause issues for readers. If they take this at face value, they may think that blind people don’t notice or appreciate beauty. More importantly, they might also assume, like Emma, that all blind people can’t see. As I have stated many times on this blog, most blind people have residual vision. Not everyone is totally blind. This is why, like beautiful grounds, schools for the blind also have things like stairs with high contrast.

7. Subtle Use of the Idea That People With Low Vision Should Rather Strain Themselves Than Be Blind —

This one was less obvious for me. However, once I thought about it again, I understood what I was reading in this character. There’s a rather outgoing character named Seb whose personality is very refreshing in this story. Seb attends the school for the blind with Emma. Seb has low vision.

So Seb wants to get a job. Remember how Emma was afraid she wouldn’t be able to get a job now that she is blind?

Instead of showing Seb getting a job to prove that idea wrong, he knows he has to conveniently not mention being blind when he applies, showing up in sunglasses and without a cane. The book states he worries he wouldn’t be able to fill out the application.

Here is what the book states:

[Quote] “He got hired without telling any of the guys who ran the place that he wasn’t sighted; I know because he had confided in me and Dee the week before that he wanted the job—if friend worked there and said they had an opening—but Seb was worried he wouldn’t be able to fill out the application. So he showed up one night before closing time, wearing sunglasses and not carrying a cane, and asked all casually if he could grab and application and bring it back the next day.

And he spent all night filling it and brought it back the next day. He didn’t mention that he was blind or that the application had taken six hours to finish with the help of his sighted brother.” [End quote]

Seb has no obligation to reveal any personal information to them. If he wants to fill out the application on his own time, in a way in which he feels comfortable, that is fine. However, the book implies he thought he would not be hired if they knew he was blind. Rather than talk about the employment discrimination that is such a huge problem for blind people, the book decides to skip over this. And rather than address Emma’s fear-based expectation that she will never get a job, presumably because she doesn’t think blind people can do anything, the book ignores it.

Seb getting a job, especially in this way, does absolutely nothing to assuage Emma’s fears. Or challenge any possible low expectations the readers may have.

Seb fills out the application by himself and it takes six hours. Six. Hours. His brother also helps him eventually and it still takes that long. No one I know, even with intense internalized ableism, would sit there for six hours doing something like that.

Seb should be using a magnifying device or a scanner app. There is tons of technology out there for people with low vision and the author chose to include absolutely none of it in the book. Instead, she chose to show a character struggling for six hours without exploring his reasons for doing so. Does he do this because of internalized ableism? If yes, how can the same character tell Emma the school will get rid of her “Poor Blind Kid bullshit”?

Now, in some families and some cultures, it would be more appropriate for a family member to help. However, the author tells us nothing more about Seb’s culture, his family life, or his motivations. I assume he did not ask for his brother’s help until later, because I can’t fathom why having a family member help from the start would take six hours.

Why is a character doing this in a story that is supposed to be about adjusting to blindness? Clinging to his remaining vision instead of using a few adaptive tools to make things easier on his eyes hardly makes him a good role model for Emma. Why is a character modeling independence in this specific way? In a way that tells Emma that it is better to struggle with a little vision than to be totally blind?

This is reinforced when Emma says some kids, including Seb, pass well. This is something that cannot be given nuance unless it is written by someone who experienced it. Otherwise, the story shows Emma over and over again that being blind is bad. Undesirable. Which is ableist.

Do people struggle with this? Absolutely. Did the author write it well? No.

And Here Are a Few Things That Could Have Been Done Better

In this section, I wanted to go over things I thought could have been done better. They aren’t necessarily harmful, but I wanted to mention them.

Sunglasses

The main character wears sunglasses when she goes out. This is likely because she has a scar she feels self-conscious about, but this is still a big stereotype that the author could have taken more care with.

O&M Issues

So Emma has someone come around to teach her orientation and mobility, which was nice. The author put in her research here as well. However, the instructor leaves after a time, which seems odd. Rather than work with her around her schools or other locations, he decides she has learned all the basics. I received O&M training until university.

Now Let’s Examine The Blind Characters vs Tropes

In this section, I want to go over the biggest tropes in the stories structure, the number of blind characters, and what I normally advise to get around these issues. We’ll see how this advice compares to how the book turned out.

So, the things to look out for are:

-tokenism

-blind characters going blind through trauma

-blind characters being sad about being blind

Examining Tokenism

Emma is not the only blind character. The blind characters include: Emma, Sebastian, Dee, and Annabelle. I normally say to have one other blind character at minimum. The book meets that requirement.

Examining Blind Characters Going Blind Through Trauma

I also normally suggest avoiding characters going blind through trauma, especially main characters. If the writer would like to go ahead with this, I normally suggest 2 or 3 other blind characters who didn’t go blind through trauma. With 2 as the minimum. I admit, I prefer the main character not to be the one going blind through trauma, simply because the main character has so much power in the perception of the reader.

Let us examine each character.

Emma - went blind through a traumatic fireworks accident

Sebastian- unknown

Dee - unknown

Annabelle- went blind through Retinitis Pigmentosa

On the topic of Dee and Seb, Emma does mention they may have better hearing, which she claims you only have if you lose your sight before the age of ten. We can guess that Dee and Seb both went blind in early childhood or were born blind, but we aren’t sure. What I want here is explicit confirmation that other characters didn’t go blind through accidents. We only get that with Annabelle and her RP.

Not only that, but the other blind characters are not in the novel as much. Annabelle only shows up at the end, seemingly as a way for Emma to help another recently blind person to show how she has developed. Seb and Dee are only in a few chapters, mostly as flashbacks. They don’t get much backstory or development either.

However, it fills my minimum requirements, so I’ll let it pass.

Examining Blind Characters Being Sad About Being Blind

This is literally Emma throughout the entire book. Until the last few chapters.

Annabelle has a similar, shorter arc, although she is only 9 at the time. Annabelle comes in near the end of the book.

It is normal for people to need an adjustment period, particularly if they are young. However, to have the entire book consist of Emma being sad and having trauma focused mostly on her blindness is not something I’m okay with. Especially because, as I wrote in this post, it can leave non-blind readers with a very negative impression of blindness. Again, why would I want to read about this arc from an author who isn’t blind? Why make the entire book about adjusting to blindness?

Anyway, then we have Seb and Dee.

There characters were refreshing in this story, which is mostly Emma being sad and angry.

Dee doesn’t seem to be sad, but we don’t know much about her. She does seem well adjusted and laidback. She and Seb go skiing, so that’s something.

Sebastian gets a little more attention in the story. He does tell Emma the school for the blind will knock the “BPK bullshit” or “Poor Blind Kid bullshit” right out of her. I thought it was funny. Sebastian also has a big personality and interests outside of moping about being blind. He enjoys skiing and, according to Emma, he would have no problem with presenting on the Lighthouse For the Blind in front of people who aren’t blind, unlike Emma, who struggles with calling attention to her blindness. Which I can understand, what with the awkward questions her sighted classmates give her.

However, Seb also has an issue with hiding or fighting against his low vision in some parts of the story. If Sebastian were the main character, I could understand some of the things he does. However, this does not go well at all with Emma’s arc.

Anyway, Seb and Dee don’t get nearly enough time in the book for me to feel 100% comfortable using them as exceptions.

How Would a Sensitivity Reader Help?

If I were doing a sensitivity read for this book, I would suggest including more about Seb and Dee and the school for the blind. I would have explained that the way the story sidelines them shows Emma is not okay associating with her blind friends. I would have asked for more backstory, more contrast between them and the main character, and possibly a few more blind characters Emma met at the school for the blind.

If the writer was insistent on having Emma go blind in an accident, I would have suggested reducing the time she spent depressed and shifting the focus from her blindness to her traumatic accident. I would have had the author work harder to separate the two, even if it took Emma a while to do so. I would have also suggested reducing Emma’s remarks or have them called out. For example, her comments about not being able to get a job or beautiful schools being lost on blind people. Sebastian would have been excellent in this role.

I would have worked with her to either get rid of or subvert the list of stereotypes. Most of them are easy fixes.

I would have told her blind people don’t use canes in their houses. I would have given suggestions for assistive technology for Seb to use. I would have helped her with the section on trauma and blindness, reducing or erasing a lot of the issues I included there. I would have suggested giving Emma an arc that isn’t entirely about adjusting to blindness, even if her story starts with going blind.

I probably would have seemed nicer about my feedback because the author still had opportunity to make changes.

The author could have done more research on stereotypes and cane usage, but I think there is an important lesson here about the benefits of sensitivity readers.

In the end, a sensitivity reader would have fixed most of the problems in this story, despite the amount of research the author did. Research cannot always teach you everything and that is where a sensually or authenticity reader comes in. Moreover, there is a certain respect in involving communities you are representing. In paying them in money or exposure. In listening to their voices and respecting what they say. If the author was willing to learn Braille and sit with blind people to learn about canes and technology, why did she stop at getting sensitivity readers? Why does it feel like she didn’t want to include the blind community in any meaningful way?

I hope this helps someone.

-BlindBeta

#blind person reviews a review tag #book talk ; let’s review published books #review #blind representation #blind #blind characters #writing blind characters #trauma narrative #stereotypes #blind tropes #eye trauma #ableism

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

always thought about this, what information do you think the kids were excluding from their records? like ptsd anxiety etc manifests itself in many ways not only in nightmares but through bad coping mechanisms maturing faster etc which wasnt realistically shown as it’s a kids book, and i’ve always wondered if they would leave out anything like that

Ehh, we’ll agree to disagree about the depiction of post-traumatic stress in the books, because it’s always seemed pretty dang realistic to me.  A few that stand out:

In the opening of #19, Cassie gives a brutally spot-on description of anhedonia: she feels little to no interest in the future, doesn’t enjoy activities like she used to, and struggles even to feel connections to her parents or her horse Nutmeg.

Marco has multiple moments in #5 and #15 with just knowing, whether he likes it or not, that his personality is changing as a result of the war and that all of his friends are going through the same thing.  In #5 he’s got a whole meditation about how it’s only a matter of time before the four human Animorphs can’t maintain functioning enough to go to school.  In #15 he asks Jake (knowing he won’t get a real answer) whether the damage they’ve survived is already irreparable.

In #34, Cassie nearly attacks Jara, because she assumes that any stranger in her parents’ barn must be a threat.

#54 states outright that Jake is dealing with clinical depression, and tells us that he has a trauma-induced flashback while trying to testify at Visser Three’s trial.

Rachel body-slams a girl into a table for bumping into her in #5, and stabs a knife through a different girl’s shirt sleeve in #32 after the other girl says something rude.  Rachel herself recognizes that she’s always had a temper, but also that she’s struggling more and more with uncontrollable rage.

Tobias expresses apathy about his own death in #41 and #43, and his struggle against intrusive cognitions is a major part of #43.  It’s not so much full suicidal ideation (like in #3) as it is reckless and self-destructive behavior.

The kids also each have their own personal NOPE morphs as a direct result of individual experience: Cassie says “We don’t morph ants anymore because they scared all of us, but mostly Marco... We don’t ever talk about morphing termites anymore because of my problems with them. Why is this [not morphing fly for Jake’s sake] any different?” (#16).  Later we learn that Rachel’s NOPE morph is mole, Tobias’s is whale, and Ax’s is anything blind like yeerk.  With the partial exceptions of Tobias and Ax, these are the direct result of past bad experiences.

Jake’s, Marco’s, and Cassie’s grades all drop way off during the war, and Tobias mentions that they all become a lot less good at focusing in class (#23, #49).

The human Animorphs all lose friendships over the series, to the point where Jake doesn’t know the names of several classmates who know him in #29 and #33.  Rachel mentions that she hasn’t spoken to Melissa Chapman in months as of #49.

As far as “bad coping mechanisms” go, I’d like to mention Tobias preferring to starve to death over inconveniencing anyone (#23), Ax desperately latching onto authority figures in a way that verges on regression (#8, #18), Jake retreating to his childhood bedroom and straight-up not leaving it for months at a time after the war (#54), Rachel blowing up at Jordan over minor slights and feeling like a terrible person afterward (#12, #22), Cassie being apathetic about her own near-miss with nothlitization because she doesn’t think her own continued survival is all that great (#9), and Marco manipulating his parents into getting back together because he’s sick of having to parent his own dad for all of those years (#45).

Anyway: I’m not that kind of psychologist, but that still seems to be a fairly comprehensive portrait of childhood trauma.  It’s true the series doesn’t use terms like anhedonia, hypervigilance, depersonalization, intrusive cognition, social withdrawal, or maladaptive avoidance.  However, all of that is still in the series, and I didn’t list anywhere close to all of the examples.

One other thing I’d mention: fans have discussed how ongoing research on wolves and whales has later rendered major parts of the series inaccurate.  The same is true of research on humans.  If you look at the DSM-IV (1994) vs. DSM-5 (2013) entries for PTSD, differences leap out — most obviously that it’s not even classified as the same type of disorder.  So anything you’re expecting to see about trauma but not spotting in Animorphs might also be an effect of the fact that trauma research has also come a long way in the quarter-century since the series began.

#animorphs #animorphs meta #trauma #ptsd #post traumatic stress #suicide mention #self harm mention #part of the issue is that most of them don't get to grow up at all #but also there's no such thing as a 'correct' experience with mental illness #the classifications only continue to exist for insurance purposes #your symptoms are your symptoms and the actual therapist usually doesn't give a flying fucknugget what's statistically average #only what you're feeling right now and how to get you feeling better #wisewinnerpalacemonger #ask

[barbarianprncess]

did you mean it?

read on ao3.

It’s a total of 3 significant events that led to this, her forehead knocked against his, breaths heavy and mingled, eyes wide and hearts bleeding.

It’s a total of 3 significant events that led to this, her forehead knocked against his, breaths heavy and mingled, eyes wide and hearts bleeding.

The first event isn’t really an event at all. It’s a prologue, necessary context to truly understand the monumentalism of this moment. It’s the memory of her eyes, piercing and reproachful, being the first thing that he saw after losing his mother. It’s shared trauma and oreos while they’re young and naive. It’s truces and training and growing up too soon together. It’s stargazing and stupid jokes saving eachother in every possible way. It's the culmination of the years Percy spent growing, learning, and being with Annabeth, and the unknown and therefore repressed feelings that came with it. Feelings are like the sea in that way, they don’t take well to being restrained. Percy has found that you cannot box in oceans or sentiments, they always find a way to spill over and out, with no regard for the destruction left in its wake.

The second event is Dionysus deciding on a whim that the inhabitants of his camp are ‘uncultured pests’ and taking it upon himself to set up a field trip for campers to the Ancient Greek Cultural Center in New York. (Percy thinks it’s really just to distract kids that were still shaken up about the battle at camp and the losses it caused. But, Dionysus would never say so. He’s far too proud to admit to caring for the children he’s been assigned to look after.) Argus loaded all the kids he could fit into the strawberry vans, as Chiron listed all the reasons this was a terrible idea. As it turns out, his worries were in vain as miraculously, no monsters attacked, and no mortal asked too many questions. No, instead, the only hitch in his plan was the glaring inaccuracies of the Center sending Dionysus into a fit of rage. He ranted for so long, their 2 hour long field trip ended up lasting until the place closed.

Event the third is the ridiculously long line leading to the mens room at the rundown gas station they’ve stopped at, causing Percy to traipse into the woods, deep enough to know that no one other than the squirrels were watching, and pee there. Unbeknownst to him, Annabeth had decided to take a quick walk in the forest as well, (in the opposite direction of his peeing endeavor) with the purpose of clearing her head. Both returned to the parking lot after 10 minutes, with no truck in sight. The gas station lights are turned off on the inside and the door sign has switched decidedly to closed. They look at each other in disbelief.

“Percy?”

“Yeah?”

“Uh...did they…”    

“They didn’t. They wouldn’t.”

“I think they would.”

“They would never-”

“I have pretty solid evidence to the contrary.” Annabeth deadpans, casually letting her hair loose and hopping on top of the miniature gas machine for motorcycles.

“But, how did-”

“No Argus.” Which means, no all-seeing eyes to double check the headcount. Percy begins to pace.

“Okay, but-”

“Two trucks.” Both of which are probably assuming Percy and Annabeth are on the other.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, gods.”

“Leave them out of this.”

“Those fuckers.”

“Which ones?” She asks. He looks up and she’s fighting a smile. He pointedly doesn’t notice the way her mouth curls up, or the way her hair falls around her shoulders and down her back, or how pretty she looks lit up by the neon red lights of the gas stations prices, which apparently doesn’t turn off when they close.

“Do you know something I don’t?”

“I know lots of things you don’t.”

“Ha-ha. I mean about how to get out of here.”

“Ohhhhh, let me think.” She wrinkles her nose in faux concentration, tilting her chin up towards  the sky. Percy is too annoyed to think it’s adorable. “Nope, not a clue.”

“Your phone?”

“Left it on the truck.”

“Iris message?”

“Percy, it’s dark as shit.” The laughter she’s been holding in comes pouring out. Nevermind that he feels his chest sigh in relief at hearing it for the first time since their quest, this is serious.

“You’re laughing.”

“Just a little.”

“You’re telling me, you don’t have a brilliant plan to get us on a truck.”

“Yes.”

“So, we’re stuck here.”

“Yes.”

“And you’re laughing?”

“You’re just really funny when you’re stressed.” She giggles. He can’t remember the last time she giggled. He missed it. He hates her.

“Oh my gods.”

“Okay, okay, look, I’m sorry. We’re halfway to camp right?” He nods. “I’m sure they’ll figure out we’re missing before they get all the way back to camp, but let's say, worst case scenario, they don’t-”

“Not helping-”

“And they make it the rest of the way back to camp. It took us four hours to get to the center, which means camp is two hours away, so if they make it the two hours back to camp before they realize we’re missing, and they drive back up-”

“C’mon ‘Beth, you know I suck at math.”

“We’re stuck here for five hours at most.”

“Five hours?”

“And that's if no passing cars let us use their phones to hurry the process up.”

“Five hours.”

She’s laughing again. “Seriously, what is so funny?”

“It’s just-” Her cheeks are red and she’s very poorly attempting to suppress her smile. “You’ve been calm in so many life or death situations, and being stuck at a gas station is what finally breaks through.”

“It’s nighttime.” She stares at him for a moment and then she’s laughing again, full bodied real laughter, and he's laughing too.

And it’s as if this gas station became their own personal Ogygia, an oasis, a resting place for them to be stupid kids again. And they don’t talk about the battle, or Rachel, or the volcano, or any of the million things set on tearing them apart. They talked about his mom getting serious about his new boyfriend, about Tyson’s underwater adventures and Grover’s searching shenanigans.

They smack talk with no real heat about who the better fighter is (Oh please, Seaweed Brain, I've been training since before you could tie your own shoes.), and argue about which ancient hero had the greatest journey (Hercules, are you kidding? Did you even read the myth?). They break into the gas station for snacks (What the fuck, Annabeth, where’d you learn to pick a lock? No, I wouldn’t prefer you break the glass, you psycho. Oh my gods, can you really break the glass?), and dissolve into giggles as they try to fit five drachma into the cash register.

They end up back outside sitting on the gas machines facing one another from three feet away.

“Your mom called me the other day.”

Percy, who’d been lazily squinting up at the murky sky, searching for any sign of stars, whipped his head to look at her. “What?”

“She called me on the phone. We talked for a bit. She said she wanted to make sure I was alright.”

“That sounds like something she would do.” He sighs and hops down from the machine, turning away from her, hoping to hide his blush from the dim light. “She cornered me on one of my off weekends, asked what was going on with us.”

“Oh.” He hears the shifting of fabric and assumes she followed him in sliding off the gas machine.

“Yeah.” It’s silent for a long time before she responds.

“What did you say?” She asks, her voice smaller than it was moments ago. He hears her scratching at the flat metal top of the machine. “When she asked, what did you say?”

He runs his finger through his hair, and one gets caught in a particularly large snarl. “Doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me.” She whispers and gods he’s terrified but he really doesn’t have a choice when her voice wavers like that. Her words shake and every ounce of his being tells him to do whatever it takes to soothe it.

“I said we were fighting. That there wasn’t one sole reason for it, just a bunch of little reasons. I told her that I scared you when I….went away for two weeks last summer. And that you didn’t like bringing Rachel on your quest. I told her that we….. disagree about how to best handle Luke. That I probably wanted to protect you more than I wanted to listen to you.” She laughs softly and he blames what he says next on her laugh. It is the catalyst for everything that follows.

“I told her that we’d be okay. Because no matter what happens I’m always gonna love you.”

He hears her breath catch. He doesn’t have to look back to know she’s turned to face him fully. “Did you mean it?” She calls. He doesn’t answer. The words haven’t caught in his throat, they’ve spontaneously combusted in his vocal chords and he doesn’t think he’ll ever speak again.

The sound of gravel crunching gets closer until suddenly she's beside him, and he didn’t tell his torso to twist toward her, he thinks she might just be his center of gravity.

“Did you mean it?”

She’s looking up at him, and her hair smells like lemons, and her cheeks are pink, and her eyelashes go on for miles, and her sunspots are better than stars. And it’s as if she pulls the words right out of him, he’s hypnotized by everything about her.

“Of course I meant it.”

She exhales and closes her eyes and while he mourns the loss of the sight, his body moves on it’s own accord again and he’s edging closer and closer and she opens her eyes and here they are.

Their noses brush, and this time he closes his eyes, and their noses brush just so, and…

Whoa.

He was wrong, it wasn't just those three significant events that to her forehead knocked against his, breaths heavy and mingled, eyes wide and hearts positively bleeding. It’s clear he’s been waiting his entire life for this moment at this shitty gas station.

Waiting for this. Waiting for her.  

They kiss for a moment or an eternity, and they fit. His hands are on her hips and hers clutch at his shirt before sliding up to his throat, and it’s like his soul is whispering, oh there you are.

And then she’s pulling back, so she has just enough space to shake her head without disconnecting from his forehead.

She's breathless when she whispers, “This is a bad idea.”

His hands trail up and down her forearm of their own accord, and when he whispers back he’s breathless too. “Yeah, really bad idea.”

Her hands slide up from his chest to his shoulders, and then she’s kissing him again, with purpose, and he’s kissing back like his life depends on it because he thinks it might, thinks if he lets go of her he’d die on the spot.

It seems his theory might get tested when she pulls back again just far enough to whisper against his lips, “Is it always like that?”

He kisses her again, once, twice, because he can’t help it and whispers back, “I don’t know, you were my first kiss.”

He’d released any serious hold he had on her the moment she hesitated, but then she’s rocking back up to meet him halfway and his entire body thinks thank the gods. He actually sighs his relief into her mouth, as his hands desperately reach for her face, some fingers tangling in her hair, and their lips are magnets, opposites that don’t have a choice but to pull together. Despite how much he wants to keep doing this forever, he has to tell her.

“I don’t wanna lose you, again.” He means not ever, but he figures she understands the severity in his voice. She’s running her hand through his hair, and his slide up and down her back, and she knocks her nose against his as she answers, “I know, me either. I’m confused, this is confusing me.” And she tilts her chin just so, like she did a million years ago, and this time he kisses her.

They kiss for an infinity, he gets to taste her laughter when she giggles at the absurdness of it all, and it’s better than ambrosia. He kisses her until he doesn’t know anything else, until his entire universe is Annabeth Chase, with her cheeks and her curls and her lips. She is everything.

And then headlights penetrate their universe, voices bring an end to their infinity, and Chiron is speaking but it’s nothing, it’s all white noise because she’s no longer in his arms, and his center of gravity is being ripped away and he hears someone ask, “What’d you guys do?”

He’s still looking at her face when she answers, “You know, tried not to strangle each other mostly.”

But, she looks back before she turns all the way around and her gaze is charged and her lips quirk with the secret they share.

He is so screwed.

#so i wrote this in like two hours and its probably a mess but. here you go ig. #aoah ch 3 will be out soon but in the meantime #heres this lol #percabeth #percabeth fic #my fic #my writing #if you comment or rb i will die for you

[spaceorphan18]

99 Perspectives on a Single Love Story #57

A/N: The Story of Kurt and Blaine told through the eyes of everyone else but them. Each chapter is a different perspective in the ongoing tale of their love story.

I started something like this a while back - and now I’m taking the idea and really running with it. Each chapter is a ficlet of a different character at a different point in Kurt and Blaine’s life - documenting their love story. This starts in Audition, and each chapter will be paired with a different episode until reaching Dreams Come True.

[Ao3]

***

The Sycophants (Diva) 

“Guess what I just found out.” Patrick sets his venti extra shot, white chocolate mocha made with oat milk, with sweet cream, whipped cream, and extra caramel drizzle down on the cafe table.  NYADA’s Corner Cafe is quieter than usual, leaving it a nice place for him to gossip with his BFF and on-again, off-again boyfriend, Bernard.  “Looks like Turtle-Face has actually, and O.M.G. did he actually, challenge Rachel Berry, the Rachel Berry to a Midnight Madness Duel.”

“What, no?!” Bernard looks scandalized as Patrick takes his seat opposite him.  “Does he really think that since he wowed a few people at Winter Showcase he can just waltz right in here and take the place over? She will eat him alive.”

“Totally eat him alive.  I cannot wait to see her demolish him.”  

“It’ll do his inflated ego some good.”

Patrick nods, as he takes a long sip of his drink, over to the counter where their current subject, one Kurt Hummel is chatting away with Adam Crawford as they order.  Their backs are turned, no reason not to continue their little conversation.  

“Looks like someone’s getting a little chummy there,” Patrick notes as they watch Adam hand over a coffee to Kurt.  “And it didn’t take Kurt very long to join the Apples.  They have got to be fucking.  I mean, you just know Kurt Hummel probably gives head to get ahead.”  He laughs at his own joke.  

Bernard hand waves at him.  “Oh, please, Adam is so pathetic to get people to join his little club, he probably put out just to get Kurt to join.”

“It’s terribly pathetic any way you look at it,” Patrick says, with an air of disgust.  “My god, the people they let into this school.  You’d think as legendary as Carmen Tibideaux is, she’d be better at picking her students.  But this year’s batch of freshmen, besides the fully overqualified Rachel Berry, are just a bunch of duds.”

“Oh, exactly,” Bernard says.  Then something strikes him.  “Oh, I just realized -- I have some actual hot goss concerning Kurt Hummel that I’d bet you’d love to hear!”

Bernard is such a tease.  “Please, do tell,” Patrick says.  “You know how I love a titillating story.”

“So,” Bernard says, “I was doing a little digging on the social meeds, whatever don’t judge me for this I happened to be congratulating Rachel Berry on her flying remarks for one of her vocal technique classes, and I ended up going down a rabbit hole of Kurt Hummel’s instagram.  Mostly, it’s pictures of his tacky and, frankly, quite ridiculous fashion choices, but I did find out that before he was sticking it to Adam he had a very serious boyfriend.”

“I knew he was just using Adam,” Patrick rolls his eyes.  “Clearly, he’s trying to better his prospects for whatever limited career he’s trying to achieve.”

“Clearly,” Bernard easily agrees. “But there’s more.  I recognized the boyfriend’s name.  Blaine Anderson.”

Patrick gives him a confused look.  “Am I supposed to know who that is?”

“Not yet,” Bernard says, excitedly.  “But you probably will in about a year.  Remember when I had to go talk with Carmen Tibideaux about a class conflict? Well, while I was in her office, she got called away.  And on her desk were applicants for next year.  And one of them was from a Blaine Anderson.  That’s, like, god to be the same person.  I mean, what are the chances?”

Patrick’s eyes light up with delight.  “Nooooooo.”

“Yeeeeesss, honey, we are gonna have ourselves some kind of love triangle drama next year, and my god is it gonna get good,” Bernard snaps his fingers.  “I mean, that’s assuming Adam doesn’t graduate, and sticks around another year cause he so sadly has no other prospects than his lame show choir.”

“I am totally looking this guy up,” Patrick says, whipping out his phone in record time.  It doesn’t take much of a Google search to find Blaine Anderson from nowhere Ohio.  “What the hell is a Warbler?” he asks, as he pushes play on a video - setting the phone in the center of the table so they can both watch.  

What they see is astounding - a group of prep school boys dancing around in blazers.  Patrick can only guess that the guy singing lead is Blaine Anderson.  Oh this became delicious.  

“Are they jumping on furniture?” Bernard asks, in awe as they watch.

“Oh they most definitely are,” Patrick says. “And look at that face as he sings.  Good luck getting gigs with that face! Anyway, Kurt Hummel has a type - and clearly it’s male divas who have to be the center of their own show choirs.”

“No wonder the relationship didn’t work out,” Bernard snipes.  “Probably couldn’t agree as to who would be the bottom.”  

“Oh, c'mon, Turtle-Face is clearly the bottom,” Patrick says, with a cackle.  “Oh, I cannot wait for next year. I’ll have my popcorn bucket ready for what’s going to be a soapier ride than any daytime television show.”  

The two of them throw their heads back in maniacal laughter.  

#99 perspectives #s.o. writes things #klaine #klaine fic #these guys are the worst

[slipping-through-my-fingertips]

Guess I Misunderstood

Part 2 of Not the One series. 

Summary: Kurt's trying a find a way to end things with Adam and Blaine Anderson is one of the reasons why. 

Notes:  Open for more prompts in this 'verse but I only intended it to be 2 parts of a two-sided story. I hope you enjoy.

Read Part 1 here

AO3

The first time Kurt saw Blaine Anderson, he was spying on the bulletin boards. He, like every other Apple, was worried about how many freshmen they could pull this semester. With a majority of the current Adam’s Apples being seniors, they needed to fill those spots with freshmen. Better to round them up this year so they’ll already have a year of acapella under their belts.

He's just standing there reading all the flyers. Kurt’s trying to look busy with his phone to not draw attention. But he can’t help but access this man. 

Firstly, Kurt doesn't recognize him so he assumes this is a freshman, exactly the demographic their flyers are trying to bring in. The second thing that makes this man stand out among the others Kurt’s observed thus far is how nicely dressed he is. It is the first day of school so one would think a little effort would be put in but some boys their age won’t even put on a stain-free shirt to come to school. Luckily, most NYADA students care about their appearances, this freshman is no exception. 

He’s wearing tightly fitted, dark green, capri pants and a crisp, white, collared polo. 

Then his hand is reaching up to the green flyer Kurt designed. 

He takes it. 

YES!

Kurt tries to collect himself when he walks over to the boards. Don’t scare him away is his new mantra.

“The Apples?” He asks. 

The freshman was shy at first probably because he didn’t expect to be approached. Before he answers Kurt, he does manage to meet his eyes. 

Well, Kurt thought, if he sings as well as he looks the Apples could make Nationals. 

In the past, Kurt would’ve berated himself for checking out guys while being in a relationship but he’s becoming less sure about Adam lately. His boyfriend is becoming a bit pushy about things like this. But Kurt isn’t about to stop doing it. If Adam really trusted him, he could see all of this was harmless. 

The guy was gorgeous, no one should really blame Kurt for staring. His bowtie added a dash of adorableness, which would only draw Kurt in closer if he was single. Which he is decidedly not. 

“I love to sing.” 

Kurt could certainly relate. That’s how he got involved with glee clubs in the first place. Hell, that’s what got him to New York. 

“Me too,” he said, “I’ll see you at auditions, break a leg.” 

Only while he was walking away did Kurt curse himself for not catching the man’s name. 

Before he knew it, they reached the point in the school year—day two—where Rachel was would start harassing him about “getting his name out there” and listing off all the auditions she had lined up. The only way Kurt could hear another word of this was over coffee so he dragged Rachel there before his class. This meant she had exactly 35 minutes to talk at him about it until he inevitably came home for the night and had to share the loft with her. Halfway through the conversation, he notices a finely dressed young man in line.

 He’s not ashamed to admit the man’s best asset drew his attention. Though it wasn’t a difficult feat considering Power-Hungry Rachel was his other option. 

Thankfully, her time was running out, “Rach, I’ll see you at home, I have Tibideaux.” 

With one last look at the man, Kurt rushes off to class. 

When Adam’s Apples auditions are up and running, Kurt is fuming. His boyfriend thought the perfect time to discuss their future as a couple was directly before they had to sit on their asses for 3 hours listening to a bunch of freshmen sing their hearts out. 

Of course, they fought over it. Kurt was pissed about the timing, Adam thought he was being careless about their future plans because he refused to talk about it. 

“I’m refusing to do it publicly when we have obligations!” Kurt had told him. 

He had stormed into the empty auditorium at that point, casting aside Adam’s idea to move away after graduation for the moment, and sat in the third row. Unable to take a hint, Adam sat beside him. 

Kurt was barely able to pay attention to the singers until Blaine. Once again, the man was pleasantly dressed. This time in bright yellow capris and a lovely yellow and blue bowtie. Kurt wondered if he had an affinity for them. 

Adam coughed next to him, Kurt reverted his eyes. For the rest of the song, he was trying not to stare because Adam didn’t need another reason to blame Kurt for their relationship problems. When Blaine was finished, they clapped, Adam leaned in, “I’m sorry, you’re right.” In reply, Kurt kissed his cheek. 

Knowing a simple kiss could smooth things over for now. They obviously had a lot to discuss. 

As school picked up, Kurt mostly forgot about his little soft spot for Blaine until he was pulling a tipsy Adam off of the Lion’s Den dance floor Saturday night. 

They knew their potential new recruits would be at Callbacks, Kurt wanted none of that. If they were going to celebrate the first week of classes as a couple, he wasn’t about to be interrupted by a drunk NYADA student begging to know how their glee audition went. So he was here and apparently so was Blaine. 

He almost turned right around wanting to ignore the man. This is the exact situation he was trying to avoid. But Adam pulled him forward, slurring “bar’s this way.” 

Kurt tried to catch his eye from across the bar but instead watched as Blaine slung his drink back and paid his tab. By the time Adam was finished ordering, Blaine was gone. 

The fourth time Kurt thought he’d see Blaine never came. 

Kurt had posted the Adam’s Apples list of new recruits himself. Blaine Anderson was at the top. Alphabetically speaking. Yet, he never showed up to their first rehearsal. Everyone else had come. It was difficult to listen to Adam’s introductory speech when he kept waiting for Blaine to walk through the auditorium doors. 

He never did. Did Tuesdays at 7 not work for his schedule? 

They sat in a circle on stage playing ice breakers, learning each other’s names and special interests in regards to their studies at NYADA. 

When rehearsal ends, Adam tapped his shoulder, “you seem distracted, what’s up?” 

Kurt remembers what Drunk Adam told him on Saturday and lies, “nothing, I’m fine. Just something Rachel said.” 

“Well,” Adam helped him up, “don’t worry too much about her. Before you know it, you and I will be taking on the West End.” 

He smiles until Adam turns away. 

When Adam had first said they should move, Kurt thought he meant out of the heart of the city. Which was something he could understand. If Kurt’s dreams of starting a family someday were to be met, he saw the appeal of a move. It never crossed his mind that Adam meant to move across the ocean. 

When they first started talking, Kurt loved the allure of an older man. Being a freshman at the time, Kurt had been desperate to fit in in ways he never could at McKinley. So when Adam took him under his wing, showed him the ropes of NYADA and New York, it was only a matter of time before Kurt had a crush on him. Initially, Adam was too busy for a relationship, he had told Kurt as much so Kurt keep the crush to himself...and Rachel. 

When NYADA’s spring formal rolled around, Kurt was already planning on going with his roommate. Rachel had been trying him to match in a terrible shade of pink. It didn’t go well with either of their complexions. The text came in mid-argument about their outfits.

Adam: wanna go to formal?

Kurt dropped his phone. Luckily, he was sitting on the couch and it fell onto the cushion. Rachel, of course, knew something was wrong because Kurt paused in the middle of yelling at her about the tackiness of matching when they could complement each other instead. 

“What’s up?” she asked, leaning in to glance at his phone, “it’s not your dad, right?” 

“No, no, no,” Kurt assured her, tilting his screen so she could read the message. 

“OH!” she squealed, jumping up. “Tell him yes!” 

“He probably isn’t asking me, just wants to know if I’ll be there.”

Rachel rolled her eyes, “don’t stupid, Kurt.” 

Ignoring her, Kurt texted back and slumped down. 

Kurt: Rachel and I are going to go together, yes

Instantly, another text came in. 

Adam: Would Rachel be upset if I took you instead?

Rachel was biting her lip excitedly. Practically dancing as she sat on the couch next to him. 

Kurt: I think she’d be delighted. As would I.

The two of them did some jumping up and down together before Kurt settled back onto the couch, holding his phone to his chest. 

 “Guess that means I can wear pink if I want to,” Rachel said before disappearing into her bedroom. 

But that was then. It had been a long time since Kurt felt butterflies in his stomach when he thought about Adam. He never thought they’d completely disappear but these last few months he felt stagnant. When he expressed these concerns to his boyfriend, Adam’s solution was, once again, to move across the pond. 

Like that would solve their issues. 

That wasn’t what Kurt had meant by stagnant but Adam kept going on and on about how New York may be the city that never sleeps but he couldn’t wait to get back to the excitement of London. 

Kurt could never see himself moving so far away from his dad or his friends. New York had become his home these last three years. Maybe Adam always dreamed of going back to the UK but he had never told Kurt that explicitly until the start of this semester. Dating for 2 years and it never came up. 

By the time they were having their fifth fight about this, Kurt knew they were going to have to break up. It was just a matter of when. 

The actual fourth time Kurt saw Blaine Anderson was two weeks before Thanksgiving break. 

He was sitting in a corner of the library. Sheets of music spread across his lap. Titling his head so a single black curl dangled in his face. Blaine keeps blowing the curl away to no avail. It took everything in Kurt to not laugh. 

Adorable. 

Kurt wasn’t really here to study. He finished up his assignments for the weekend. There was a major test next week for one of Rachel’s classes. She was in a study group and forgot her yellow notebook so Kurt offered to bring it to her. 

Wasn’t it just his luck that Blaine Anderson was here? Right in his line of sight. The universe must be having fun with him tonight. He was about to go home to an empty apartment and write a breakup speech for Adam. 

Kurt had plans to talk with his day over Thanksgiving break—Burt insisted on planning for his flight. He just needed someone, not Rachel, to tell him it was the right choice. For so long, Adam, being his first boyfriend, made Kurt feel like he owed it to Adam to continue this. Kurt had just reached the end of his rope. 

He did end up talking to his dad about everything other than the impending breakup. In fact, Kurt couldn’t seem to get Blaine’s name out of his mouth. 

“We had this really talented singer come in for auditions, dad,” Kurt said. “Blaine Anderson, he’s a freshman.” 

“Oh yeah?” 

This was the second time Kurt had brought this up. 

“He’s going to do big things someday.” 

By the fourth time, Blaine’s name was mentioned, which was a lot of times for a man Kurt had only spoken to once, Burt had something to say about it. 

“You gonna ask him out, bud, or just keep talking to me?”

Kurt paused, blushed, and stumbled out a “no.” 

“No what? You won’t ask him or he won’t go out with you.” 

“Dad,” Kurt said, “both of those imply, I do ask him out.” 

“Well, you should.” Burt shrugged. “You clearly like him.” 

His dad did always know how to read him. This wasn’t the time to remind Burt of his boyfriend. Of whom, Burt was indifferent. Dating for years and Adam couldn’t seem to break down Burt’s overprotective walls. 

Now that Kurt was alone in their apartment thinking of those conversations. All of them. Every single time he had asked Burt about Adam or called his dad after a ridiculous fight. How many of those conversations contain happy stories? 

Kurt and Adam had loads of good times but none that he ever shared with his dad, no memories that become inside jokes, nothing like that. 

It was the Monday after Thanksgiving, Rachel was in class, Adam’s professor had let them out earlier, and Kurt had an empty apartment. 

Kurt: let’s get coffee

Adam: Be there in ten

When Kurt came back, he was a single man in New York once again. 

The fifth time, Kurt saw Blaine Anderson was on purpose. He meant to run into him in the NYADA auditorium. Kurt had asked around and found out Blaine had joined a different glee club. Amy said they rehearsed on Wednesdays and Blaine was always there a half-hour earlier to warm-up alone. 

Sure enough, Blaine was center stage pacing in a circle doing one of Rachel’s favorite scales. Kurt is creeping in from one of the back entrances. Slowly, he makes his way up to the stage unsure if he wants Blaine to notice him or not. 

Eventually, he reaches a moment when he has to say something. About fifteen feet from the stage, Kurt speaks up, “you’re very talented, you know?” 

Blaine looks down at him, a quick smile, and blushes, “thanks.” 

“We were sad to not see you at rehearsals but The Singsations benefit greatly.” 

“Yeah, I felt bad about it…” he said, rubbing the back of his neck, “but it just wasn’t going to work.” 

“Well,” Kurt replied, “acapella isn’t for everyone.” 

“Funny enough, it wasn’t the acapella part.” 

At that, Kurt’s not sure what to say. He wants to ask what the problem was then.

“Sorry, did you just come here to ask why I didn’t join the Apples?” Blaine asked. 

“Um no, Amy said you warm up here before rehearsals.” Which was Kurt’s way of stalling. “I…”

This is exactly why Kurt hadn’t had a boyfriend before Adam: he was too nervous to make the first move. 

Blaine is sitting on the edge of the stage now so they’re almost level. Kurt could just push his legs apart, stand between them, and kiss him. That’s all he wants to do. 

“I’ve seen you around campus a lot.” Four times.

“Me too,” Blaine said, which has Kurt smirking slightly. So he did notice him too. Then Blaine continues and knocks that smirk right off his face, “how’s your boyfriend?” 

Well, Kurt should’ve expected that blow. His and Adam’s relationship was pretty well-known. In just two weeks since the breakup, Kurt’s surprised more people aren’t gossiping about it. 

Honesty is the best policy, right? 

“We broke up.”

“Oh,” Blaine replied, “I’m sorry to hear that.” 

“Are you?” Kurt asked, “because I’m not sorry at all. I should’ve done it sooner. We weren’t meant to be together as long as we were.” 

“You broke up with him?” Blaine asked, confused. “But you seemed so in love.” 

“A year ago, I would’ve agreed with you but one too many problems later it was never going to work,” Kurt told him, “but that’s not why I’m here either.” 

“So, why are you here? I was pretty sure you didn’t know I existed.” 

“I definitely do,” Kurt said, “and now it’s my turn to ask if you’re single.” 

Blaine blushed again, “Not sure that’s what I meant earlier.” 

“It’s what I meant.” 

“I’m not seeing anyone right now, I’ve been pining after this upperclassman who was with someone.” 

“Oh yeah?” Kurt asked. 

“Yeah.” 

Kurt took a step closer and placed his palms on Blaine’s knees. 

“Well, I think he likes you too.” 

Then, he pushes his legs open with no resistance from Blaine. It isn’t Kurt who leans in first though. 

#klaine fanfiction #klaine fanfic #klaine #my fics #not the one

[pricemarshfield]

i dig you

A fluffy, angsty Amberprice fic. Chapter 2/2. Read the chapter on AO3 here, or the full fic here.

It's hard to drive with only one hand, especially a truck as big and old and clunky as this one, but Rachel doesn't plan on letting go of Chloe's hand for anything short of divine fucking intervention right now. Right now, Chloe's happy--definitely still drunk, which means definitely still a little volatile, a little quick to anger, but smiling right now, looking out the window like Arcadia Bay's not such a terrible thing to look at, here on the way out.

Out. God, it feels like the whole world's opening up, and that's exciting, that's wonderful, unless Rachel missteps and it'll just expand until they're nothing, just someone on the side of the road.

But that's not important. She's not gonna think like that right now. She can get into a big crazy anxiety freak-out in her own head, later, once Chloe's fallen asleep. For now, she squeezes her hand again. Chloe squeezes back immediately.

The drive to her house takes awhile longer than the drive from Blackwell to Chloe's place. Chloe lives on the--not the bad side of town, because she's through falling for her dad's smug, self-assured way of seeing the world, but definitely the...less wealthy one. It's not something Rachel likes to think about, especially not once Chloe had confessed to giving away a couple hundred they could've used to get out of here so that her mom wouldn't have to pawn her wedding ring, something Rachel had gotten angry about for a minute, something that had led to a full-on screaming fight in the junkyard.

Rachel had basically had to grovel for forgiveness. It's one of the times she's had to that she thinks was actually justified.

You can see the difference between their two parts of town as Rachel drives. She crosses one intersection, and the houses stand taller, colors brighter, more uniform, no chipped paint or cracked windows in sight.

There's also plenty of campaign signs scattered about here, her dad's annoying face peppered everywhere. Chloe must catch Rachel's face, because she leans in conspiratorially, like someone else is here that could hear them, and says, "If I were driving, I'd run it over."

Rachel laughs, startled out of her confusing mood, and says, "Keep an eye out for one that isn't above a curb. I don't think your truck could take it."

"My truck can take anything," Chloe says, then snickers at it. "Take anything, that's what she said."

"You dork," Rachel says. They're getting close to her house, now, and the houses are all second-story, all have wide, pretty lawns with flowers, all have stained-glass windows. She'd used to love those, especially the ones in her house. They're not there anymore. She'd gotten drunk and angry and didn't have Chloe's lighter that time, so she took her anger out by throwing a rock through the glass in the front of the house.

It shattered really, really satisfyingly, but now, when she pulls up, there's just a single pane of glass, tinted so that no one can see through. She'd lied and said she was looking for the spare key and just dropped the rock and it had fallen just in the wrong way, that she wasn't fucking drunk, God, why does James have to be so fucking paranoid?

Neither of them had believed her. Rose pretended to, at least.

Rachel has the art of sneaking into her or Chloe's house down to a science, and Chloe's muscle memory makes up for her being drunk, and they're up the stairs and in Rachel's room without making a creak or anything. She taps her hand against Chloe's in a silent high-five, back to excited. Chloe's all bright eyes and excitement, grabbing a duffel bag that's been underneath Rachel's bed for "when they're ready" for almost a year now and shoving random things in there.

"Chloe, c'mon, I don't need all that crap," Rachel says, kneeling down next to her. "I mean, this is--my Theater 1 textbook, are you trying to tell me something about my acting skills, Price?"

Chloe giggles, a sound she doesn't think she's heard ever, and Rachel can't help but beam at her. This, this is what it should be, this is what she wants! She wants Chloe to keep looking at her like that, happy and ready to take on the world and at Rachel's side forever. "No! You know I think you're--I mean, you're good at acting, you know that."

"I do," Rachel says, and risks a quick kiss to Chloe's cheek, because she can't not kiss her. Chloe actually puts a hand to her face, which is just about the sweetest thing, even if it makes Rachel feel bad about the fact that Chloe's so taken aback by it. "Want to help me pick what clothes to bring?"

Chloe sighs, but she's still smiling. "Sure. But we're not doing full fashion show, I want to be out of here before sun-up."

They have, like, six hours before sunrise, but Rachel doesn't actually want to do a fashion show, either. It's just--something, Chloe picking what she'll wear. Rachel's closet isn't that big, but she's packed so many clothes in there that a few fall over onto the floor when she opens the door. The first shirt she pulls out is Firewalk, which she shoves in the duffel bag right away.

"Aw, sentimental," Chloe teases, poking her cheek. Rachel bats her hand away. The next shirts are all boring, discarded without a conversation. Next is her costume for one of her first plays. It doesn't fit her, and it makes no sense to bring it, but she holds onto it for a long moment anyway, the bright red and completely historically inaccurate dress that she wore the first time she stood in front of a crowd and knew they were all watching her.

"You wanna do cosplay?" Chloe asks, voice gentler than the words would imply, and Rachel puts it firmly in the do not bring pile.

"We'll get it back when we get a place," Rachel says, and Chloe nods. "I'll ask them not to touch any of my stuff."

"That'll just make them think you're coming back," Chloe says, voice dull.

Rachel shrugs. "Not my fault what they assume."

That fixes it; Chloe's back to smiling. She vetoes one shirt, approves most of the rest, and then the bag's half-full and Rachel realizes that she's got so many other things to get through. Her tarot decks take up room, and then her flashlight is huge, but they can carry that one, and Chloe's face goes bright pink when she makes a beeline for it, so.

The bag fills up fast, and Rachel's left thinking...she wants more. They have a whole truck, they can fit a second bag, right? But deciding what to bring: she wants her bullet journal, she wants her pipes, not just the weed left in a little baggie, she wants she wants she wants.

"I know that look on your face," Chloe says, and it comes out bitter and mean, and Rachel's already prepping to defend herself. "You're chickening out?"

"I don't want to leave all this behind," she says, and sounds very young and very stupid.

"It's just--stuff! Who gives a shit!" Chloe says, loud enough that Rachel instinctively shushes her, which just pisses off Chloe more, even though she quiets down. "I knew you'd do this. I can't believe I got my fucking hopes up, you want to leave me, not Arcadia Bay, where are my goddamn keys--"

"Chloe, no," Rachel says, because Chloe is still drunk enough that Rachel can picture her in some fiery wreck of a fucked-up cycle that Rachel would never forgive herself for. "Chloe, come on, we just need to plan more, I still want to leave Arcadia Bay with you--"

"Fucking Bigfootville, I hate this fucking place, and I hate--"

Rachel doesn't want to hear another rant about this place, doesn't want Chloe to be pissed at her, really doesn't want her behind the wheel, and she just wants Chloe to be happy like she was not twenty fucking minutes ago, so she does the only thing she can think of, and kisses her.

Chloe doesn't step back, leans right into it, hungry for the kiss in a way that has Rachel's toes curling, a little. This isn't anything like Frank; it's better and sweeter and feels like something she could do forever. Minutes later, or maybe hours, Rachel eventually pulls back. Chloe's not smiling like she was earlier, but there's a raw hope on her face that's so much better, that hurts so much worse.

"Oh," Chloe says.

"Of course I wanna leave with you," Rachel whispers, right against Chloe's lips, and she shivers. "I just wanna do it right. We need more money, for one."

"Okay," Chloe says with a nod. "I can do that."

When Rachel leaves Arcadia Bay with Chloe, it'll be a victory march, the start of a grand new adventure. But for now, this: Chloe's hand in hers, a bag under the bed with all her favorite things...it's enough.

#amberprice #rachel amber #chloe price #life is strange #my fics #fic: i dig you

[hopevalley]

Season 8, Episode 7: Before My Very Eyes

This episode sure was a rollercoaster, wasn’t it?

Let’s dive right on in. :)

Plotlines:

The Love Triangle & Allie’s Adoption

Ned & The Canfields

Christopher’s Performance

Clara and Jesse

I guess you could say the plotlines were better written together/integrated in this episode than in previous ones. There’s a lot going on but most of the filming and plots just...rolled together?

For example, the saloon as the “gathering place” where multiple plot points take place simultaneously was really cool IMO. It helps the town feel livelier. 

The Love Triangle & Allie’s Adoption

The love triangle is...an enigma. I’m probably in the minority of not really being that invested in who Elizabeth ends up with, but I doubt I’m in the minority regarding my general feelings on the love triangle: I want it to end.

I think we’re at a point where it’s just super frustrating for everyone involved, and we’re stretching the limits of suspension of disbelief when it comes to the audience. 

I don’t think we’d be as harsh on the triangle if we had double the episodes a season. We get a whopping 12 this season, more than we’ve gotten in a long time, so space is limited, and time is limited, and we know she’ll reach a decision toward the end of this season, so there’s that...I don’t know...pressure I guess, on the characters and the episodes to showcase things in a manner that feels natural and moves well.

For what it’s worth I’m fine with Elizabeth’s turtle-pace, but with only 6 episodes left (5 after this episode aired), knowing she’ll pick someone soon (and it will probably be Nathan)... It makes it really difficult to stomach the Lucas scenes—not because I don’t want to see her with Lucas if she won’t end up with him, but because I feel really bad for Lucas!

Especially with the intense fourth-wall-breaking level of awareness Lucas seems to have regarding the situation. Yes, I’m talking about the line he quoted.

“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not.” 

That’s only half the quote. This is the full quote:

“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”

—Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Sure, it’s applied to Henry, but it seems almost...too knowledgeable to me? 

So, the quote is from the novel Hyperion: A Romance, published in 1839. Longfellow’s wife Mary died in 1836 after a miscarriage. Overwhelmed by grief Longfellow took trips to Europe and spent seven years trying to woo Frances Appleton. She eventually agreed to marry him.

Hyperion was inspired by this. Paul is the main character. He travels through Germany after the death of a friend, and falls in love with an Englishwoman named Mary Ashburton. She rejects him.

To say this was a thinly-veiled autobiography of sorts is, uh, an understatement. To have Lucas quoting it in When Calls the Heart feels...odd. It wouldn’t surprise me if this was an omen of sorts, but...we can’t forget Lucas’s parents’ history: his mother refused to marry his father for years, just like Frances refused to marry Longfellow.

It’s not a bad quote or anything...it’s just...frustratingly on the nose.

I did appreciate Elizabeth’s admission of not wanting to be one of Lucas’s “secret sorrows.” They’re courting publicly anyway, everyone knows it. It’s time for them to be a little more open about it, at least in little ways. Him squeezing her hand on the saloon table shouldn’t be a big deal at this point.

If this was the storyline we were getting for Elizabeth (her slowly working her way toward something with Lucas) I’d be happy with it. I’m still Team Nathan but I like Lucas a lot this season and would be content with a storyline for him.

THE THING IS...I don’t think that is going to happen, and it makes me feel terrible to see him getting strung along like this. Elizabeth doesn’t come off as “has feelings for Lucas and is just nervous about showcasing it” for multiple reasons. First, she was very PDA-like with Jack, and secondly, that’s just...not how the scenes seem to be written. You can assume her reasoning but she never once is the one initiating and then backing off. He always initiates. She always backs off. It’s unbalanced and makes me feel bad for Lucas.

I really hope we get to sit inside his head a bit longer/more seriously at some point. Maybe he’s aware of her feelings for Nathan and is willing to try anyway because he believes that to some extent love is a choice? That would be really interesting tbh.

As it is, I just feel sorry for Lucas. Not that I think Elizabeth wouldn’t have hangups with Nathan, too, but I just feel like Elizabeth’s hangups with Nathan are more fear of what she is feeling/fear of what could happen to him in the future/fear of her heart being broken again, whereas with Lucas it’s almost like she’s not feeling it and trying to force that kind of affection with him makes her feel weird/gross/bad. 

I definitely think she has a good friendship base with Lucas, but if the feelings aren’t there, they aren’t there. 

Sorry, my thoughts are muddled. There wasn’t a lot going on with the triangle in this episode in terms of...triangley things. I just wish Elizabeth would choose so that the plotline could go away. I’m tired of seeing people strung along.

Nathan was pretty good in this episode. I appreciated his talk with Allie a lot; choosing to be kind and want good things for someone you like is a good example to set. I feel like in the café Allie’s dialogue about Elizabeth smiling at him was off; she probably should have said something more like, “If she doesn’t like you like that, then why does she smile at you that way?” might have sounded better. (He could have said “what way?” and she could have batted her eyes at him lmao.) Allie already knows Elizabeth is courting Lucas...and if we’re to believe the smile directed at Nathan is what tips Allie’s invite consideration to her adoption ceremony, then that would have been a better way to approach it (instead of “Did you see the way she smiled at you?!”).

I really loved that Lucas got Nathan and Allie a little gift. Honestly I just want Lucas and Nathan to be friends or something because the actors have good chemistry together and there’s a shortage of good male friendships in the show that feel Good. I wonder if we’ll find out what the gift was at any point?

The end with Allie only inviting Elizabeth to the ceremony was hilarious. I wanted to actually see the ceremony (because Nathan promising not to leave her was SUCH a good line, I almost got emotional over that and I wanted to see it put into play again) but the imagery it left us with (it looks like a wedding...) was clear enough haha.

Poor Bill, stuck in the middle of that.

Speaking of Bill, the adoption being “on him” was really sweet. And then of course Bill can’t keep the moment tender because he’s always so Uncomfortable with Feelings, but it’s still very sweet.

--

Ned & The Canfields

I don’t have a whole lot to say here, but I really appreciated this storyline. It wasn’t the best-written surgery-medical-wise, but it felt heartfelt and that’s what matters. 

Florence running around trying to do everything herself while also stressing out about Ned really felt...real. And then of course Rosemary getting appointed to the phones and gossiping forever...hahah.

I’m glad I saw the writing on the wall with Joseph; of course he’s a former pastor! I really am intrigued by what his “plans” are that are not church-related. I like that they tried not to make him exactly like Frank, but boy what I wouldn’t give to see them both pastoring in Hope Valley. Then Joseph could pursue his dream while also pastoring a bit, and so could Frank. It’d be nice, and they’d probably get along swell.

Seeing more faith/prayer in the show has been great. Also, Joseph and Minnie are so cute together... I adore them.

--

Christopher’s Performance

And here we are, talking about the man of the hour... Christopher. Henry’s “secret sorrow” or the product of Henry’s secret sorrow? It almost makes me think he got over Nora with Christopher’s mother and she cut off ties with him and married Jerry the banker.

Henry’s opinion of Jerry is obviously not great, but he’s respectful enough to not talk badly about him. It makes me wonder if Jerry is a worse man than Henry is, though. Maybe so? I wonder if we’ll get more information about it.

They really did a good casting job with Christopher; he manages to look similar enough to Henry and kind of...mimic his way of smiling and movement that’s almost uncanny. 

Of course...as Rosemary says, she knows a performance when she sees one.

I’m wondering if Bill feels similarly...

But boy do we know how Lucas feels! Lee tells Lucas that his pocketwatch has been missing “about a week now.”

Lucas confronts Christopher and instead of Christopher being like, “Oh no! I’ll keep my eyes open in case he dropped it somewhere or maybe the chain broke!” he’s really sarcastic about it?

He then tries for the second time to control Lucas (treats him like...he can order him around/bully him) by asking if Lucas found him a bigger room yet. This dude has a serious ego. The sound of Lucas intentionally shutting the door after this was delicious, though.

“If I find that you’re picking pockets, I don’t care who you are or why you’re here. You’ll be on the next stage out of town.”

Christopher just...almost smiles and stands up. “I didn’t steal any watch.”

Lucas says, “And I should believe you?”

Christopher responds with, “That’s your choice.” 

Lucas leaves, and then Christopher pulls the watch out of his pocket.

He seems to feel a little guilty when he reads the inscription...but still. He’s so skeevy. 

And then he takes the flowers Jesse drops off the ground...to give to...Rachel... Honey, you got a big storm comin’... She knows he’s bad news but I guess she’s into it. Yikes.

And then we have the scene where Mike comes to Henry with a great idea he has, and is interrupted by the arrival of Christopher. Henry tells him he wants him to teach Christopher everything he knows. Mike’s enthusiasm dries up right away.

I think Mike also realizes Christopher is bad news.

And Henry’s just so excited to be “looked up to” and “seen as a father of sorts” that he can’t see what’s right in front of him. Normally he’d be attuned to bullshit just as clearly as Bill and Rosemary and the rest, but...his bias is in the way. He wants to fix his past so bad he doesn’t realize it might not be worth it...

I hope Mike keeps his idea to himself but I have a super bad awful feeling he’ll admit it to Christopher and then Christopher will pitch it to Henry as his own idea. I feel sick just thinking of it!

--

Clara and Jesse

Clara and Jesse were starting to repair things juuust every so slightly and then he gets mad that she’s shortening her skirt and...it all goes to hell.

It’s not that I don’t love a little drama but this is just...I don’t know. Maybe too much? I liked Clara’s discussion with Joseph because he tells her the honest truth (and he’s full of advice, for better or worse, just like me HAHA): you can’t repair your marriage if you’re not around one another to even begin to heal the wounds/talk about things.

I’m not very invested in these two as characters these days, and I’m not sure what would fix it, but this spat being dragged out for ages ain’t it right now. I’m keeping an open mind, though; it could go somewhere interesting...and at least it didn’t get resolved in one episode.

Also, I appreciated Clara venting to Bill in that “I still care about him very much way” while Bill tries (somewhat awkwardly) to support her choice(s). He’s in a bit of a tough spot; he can’t offer advice freely because not many people are going to take marriage advice from a divorced man who didn’t marry for love in the first place anyway. It’s just good to see him trying to act supportive for Clara.

--

Other thoughts:

I see we’re getting more of the plotline where Bill has to give up his uniform, but he actually made a really good point in this episode about that. He did earn it! And then insult to injury...trying to make him give up his horse, too? 

It’s cute that his horse’s name is Hero; I feel like that was stated much earlier in the show (maybe S3 or S4?) but I’d forgotten it, tbh. How wholesome.

“Am I being prideful?” I think this was a good question for Bill to ask, and honestly it probably took a bit of courage for him to even ask Lee about it/admit that maybe he was being a bit prideful. But like, it’s okay to take pride in your work/the work you’ve done. He did earn all of it and it’s not really fair to ask for him to give it all up. The jacket is one thing (it’s a physical item; yes it shows all the hard work he put in but it’s just an object), but the horse? That’s an emotional bond and it’s rather cruel to break it.

Lee excited to try on the jacket was literally the cutest thing, and I loved that Bill folded and let him try it on. Honestly? Lee looked pretty good in it!

That scene was the definition of BOYS WILL BE BOYS, hahaha.

Also, Elizabeth’s line: “Haven’t you ever lost someone so close to your heart that it tears you apart?” was SO CRINGEY. I don’t know how that made it into the finished episode. Please, writers... read this shit aloud before you film the show. READ ALL YOUR WRITING ALOUD TO HEAR THE CADANCE. I’m literally begging you. 

But also, the whole concept is still cringe. You don’t know Dylan, Elizabeth. You didn’t know Colleen. You don’t know if he loved Colleen or not. You don’t know why he ran out on Allie. You’re projecting? Maybe? But even if he did fall to pieces over Colleen’s death, that was no reason to hurt poor Allie who had nothing to do with it and did nothing wrong.

They should have edited the line to say something slightly different. “Tears you to pieces” would have sufficed. And not rhymed on accident.

Last thing for now...the lack of Carson and Faith in this episode was amazing. I know the surgery with Ned will push Carson to either take the fellowship and return to Hope Valley to be of more use there and/or push him to just stay where he is because there’s no one else in the area with his skill level.

I think I’ll be happy with it if he becomes an area surgeon more than a regular doctor... it would help him and Faith both feel necessary for different reasons. And also, he was a surgeon when he arrived in Hope Valley in S4, so it’s clearly his strongest point (and best training/experience).

--

So uh, how ‘bout that preview for next episode, though? WHOA.

Hopefully this isn’t too scattered; work has gotten a lot busier since the weather got nicer, so I have less time to write without interruption lmao. 

#when calls the heart #season 8 spoilers #season 8 shenanigans #analysis and meta discussion #character studies and information

[rays-animorphs]

Book 8 Part 4: Cousin Phillip, from out of town.

I wonder what freedom means to Andalites.

I’m really glad we’re getting some Andalite culture here!

Like seriously, how do you reconcile “freedom” with “obedience to authority”?

And I really do wonder how deeply embedded the warrior thing is in Andalite culture, and how they handle times of peace.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, proud warriors and destruction of enemies and so on are classic story-telling tropes and very romantic in the, you know, highly dramatic sense as opposed to the “hearts and flowers” sense … Ax, what would you be if you were not a warrior? What would the great hero Elfangor be? What would Captain Hoof be?

“youths”. I suppose “teenager” would seem terribly out of place.

Huh. Not just any law. The law.

…rattlesnakes don’t generally attack for no reason.

Oh yes rattlesnake morph! Excellent! Woot! Go Ax!

Or, Ax could try repeatedly exposing himself to flavors while morphed into human but also while not around other humans until he gets sufficiently used to the taste that he doesn’t…ok, it’s a story, it’s meant to be fun…

…is Ax nomming down everything in sight “fun”? For like…other readers who are very much not me? Strange.

And now we know how Ax eats as an Andalite.

Sort of.

How is Ax going to go to school? He can only stay in morph for two Earth hours.

Awwww Ax and Tobias are bonding, I love it.

(Ax reflecting on friendship and interspecies relations) What. The. Heck. Happened. With. The. Yeerks?

Ax hasn’t mentioned smell. Do Andalites have a sense of smell?

“I like the sound ‘p’ makes” but… but phillip … oh, the end p, ok, got it.

Ax likes the hard consonants, yeah? P. K. G.

How is that a chapter? That’s a page and a half.

“One of the humans, Marco, has said they “creep him out big time.” I believe this is a compliment.” Dying.

Hmm. Ax observing that in human morphs he sees Rachel as beautiful but doesn’t see Marco as cute.

So, the easy interpretation is that human-Ax is straight. But, Ax finding it notable that he sees Rachel as beautiful and doesn’t see Marco as cute perhaps implies that he’s not assuming that of course as a boy he would be attracted to girls and not boys. Which is, in a way, interesting. Andalite society seems pretty gendered, or at least it seems that warriors are primarily or exclusively male. And Ax very much has concepts of male and female/ boy and girl.

“Yes, I am Prince Jake’s cousin.” Ax. Ax my boy. Ax. Do Andalite warriors not get trained in “being under cover”? Surely it’s not only the humans who have realized the espionage potential in morphing.

Awww Cassie has a picture of Jake in her locker.

Apparently that’s how 13 year olds do the “like like” thing. They keep pictures of of each other in their lockers.

They really should have given him a fake name closer to Ax. Although… huh. Maybe there aren’t any. Max. That’s close.

Seriously mad at these kids for not giving Ax a basic what to expect briefing. He didn’t know what bells are.

It really is a horrible noise. Frikking crime against humanity. I do not miss being in school.

Well. Maybe a little.

“I understood sitting. I was getting pretty good at passing for human.” Funny. But also. No self-awareness. It’s hard to acquire evidence for or against Ax being ND by Andalite standards with no other Andalites around. But limited self-awareness is an ADHD trait.

(the teacher spontaneously de-Yeerk-ifying) Cool, but probably not great for Ax learning how to fake being a normal human.

#animorphs read through #animorphs book 8 #good thing I decided after last book I didn’t have to do an entire book’s worth of responses in one go

[ghost-in-the-hella]

93. amberprice

“Are you cold?”

Chloe shakes herself awake at the sound of Rachel’s voice. She’s drunk enough still that she doesn’t particularly feel the cold, but as she props herself up and rubs her eyes - flinching when she grazes the barely crusted-over cut on her eyebrow - she notices that the wet spots on her face she’d assumed were tears are in fact melted snowflakes. “‘M fine,” she croaks, squinting at the shadowy impression of Rachel standing in the open doorway of the junk shack as if that will lessen the darkness.

The world dips dangerously to the left as she tries to prop herself up, and if she weren’t already on the ground she’d certainly fall to it. Her hand lands on a crushed out cigarette butt, still a bit warm. Lucky she didn’t burn down the shack; Rach would be bummed if her fashion magazines got wrecked.

“Easy, easy,” Rachel says, and suddenly she’s right up in Chloe’s face, helping to steady her. She brushes the hair back from Chloe’s face and studies her in the moonlight. Sorrow creases her forehead and softens her eyes. It hurts when her fingers graze Chloe’s eyebrow, but Chloe doesn’t pull away. “Okay,” Rachel says as though she’s coming to a decision. She slips an arm under Chloe’s armpits and starts tugging Chloe to her feet. 

Chloe isn’t fully sure if she’s actually awake right now, but Rachel’s warm and solid and Chloe’s colder than she realized under the warm buzz of a six-pack of stolen beer and most of Rachel’s whipped cream flavored vodka, so she does her best to not be a total deadweight when the world moves beneath her feet like pudding. “Where’re we goin’?” she asks, or tries to. Her lips are numb and she’s not sure if it’s from alcohol poisoning or the snow falling lightly through the total lack of roof on the junk shack.

“To get you warm. This isn’t okay.”

“I tol’ you, ‘m fine.”

“And you’re a terrible liar. C’mon. Easy does it.”

Chloe stumbles through the darkness half-blind with drunkenness and is only spared from faceplanting multiple times by Rachel’s careful steering. The mess in the junk shack is worse than usual, since she blew off some steam wrecking shit up before (and during) her drinking binge. She’d have trouble navigating it sober, but Rachel walks through the mess with catlike grace.

It isn’t snowing hard, but it’s enough that there’s a light dusting coating the junkyard. Chloe opens her mouth as they emerge into the open night and tries to catch the falling flakes on her tongue. It tastes like her childhood, and that makes her heart hurt.

“Up,” Rachel instructs her, and Chloe does her best to follow her guidance. She slips and smacks her chin on Rachel’s knee as she’s tugged up into the bed of her truck, tastes blood and it’s almost a comfort; that kind of hurt is the one that she can handle. “You’re a mess,” Rachel tells her using her kind voice, the one she only uses when she’s really worried. Chloe curls up with her head in Rachel’s lap. Rachel pulls a heavy blanket over her, one of the ones they usually use for camping on the beach, one that smells like wood smoke and Rachel’s perfume, and Chloe tries to remember if she had actually thought to grab any blankets when she stormed out of the house. “You’re freezing,” Rachel scolds her gently, tucking her in and brushing snow-damp hair from her forehead once again.

“I’m imperf-- oblivious?-- impervious to the cold,” Chloe assures her, nuzzling into the shredded denim of Rachel’s jeans. 

“You’re something, alright.” Rachel strokes the side of Chloe’s face until Chloe feels consciousness starting to slip mercifully away again. “If he ever touches you again,” Rachel says quietly in a tone that means violence, “I’m going to destroy him.”

“Jus’ make sure I don’ get blamed f’r it,” Chloe mumbles drowsily into her thigh. She peers up with one eye at Rachel and sees her staring into the middle distance like she’s planning Step-dick’s murder as they speak. “Hey. Are you cold?”

Rachel shakes her head. “I don’t get cold anymore,” she says. Her eyelashes are freckled with melting snowflakes. She’s only wearing a t-shirt and shorts, a completely ridiculous outfit for the weather even by Chloe’s standards. Chloe peels back the blanket, letting her stored body heat escape in a rush. Rachel scowls down at her. “What’re you doing?” she asks. “You’re all goosebumps. Don’t take the blanket off.”

“Get in here,” Chloe insists. “We c’n both be warm,” she slurs reasonably, hoping that the words are making it out of her mouth intact.

Rachel blurs and wobbles in her double vision, incandescent in the starlight and Chloe’s beer goggles. “Fine, you big baby.” She crawls under the blanket and Chloe snuggles into her. She smells good, like she always does. Jasmine and the faint scent of her sweat under it, plus something earthy and unfamiliar but not entirely unpleasant. Chloe suspects that she herself smells awful, but she’s used to that by now. 

“You’re pretty,” Chloe mumbles as she burrows into the safety of Rachel’s neck.

“You’re drunk,” Rachel answers with an indulgent and bittersweet smile. “Go to sleep.”

Chloe passes out drunk before she can say any more of the stupid things that rattle around in her head 24/7, and that amounts to pretty much the same thing.

When Chloe wakes in the morning she’s got a raging hangover, a stiff neck from sleeping in her truck bed, and a mouth that tastes like bad decisions. Her eyebrow is throbbing faintly. It’s warm under the blanket but cold outside: she can see her breath rising from her lips like ghosts. The snow must have melted overnight; there’s nothing left but occasional damp patches on the ground.

She fumbles her dying phone out of her pocket and checks for messages. There’re half a dozen from Joyce, some of which seem concerned but none of which actually admit that her shitbag second husband was in the wrong. No new messages from Rachel, which isn’t a surprise anymore but still hurts. She thumbs open their text history and scrolls through the sea of unanswered messages she’s sent Rachel over the last five months until she finds Rachel’s last messages to her.

Rach: Hey srry I was a bitch earlier

Rach: Come pick me up? I”ll make it up 2 u ;)

Chloe does the dumb thing that she’s been promising herself she wouldn’t do anymore: she calls her. It goes straight to voicemail, the same way it has ever since that first week of silence. She listens to Rachel’s voice telling her to leave a message at the tone, then the now-familiar robotic voice telling her that this mailbox is full before the call disconnects. Chloe crawls back under the blanket with her half-dead phone and her half-dead hopes, and she talks to her anyway.

---

Someday I’ll fill an amberprice prompt without having Rachel be a ghost. Someday.

#prompt fill #prompt fic #fanfic #amberprice #life is strange #rachel amber #chloe price #explosionshark #prompt ghost

[whereflowersbloom]

I liked you first

Part 4

Fuck. She was getting closer, he could hear the echo of her footsteps walking across the hall. He was positive she was on her way to his table. This had to be a fucking joke. Damian looked around and tried to convince himself it was his mind playing tricks on him. Perhaps it was the wine. Definitely he’d blame the wine. However he knew it wasn’t possible. He had only had one glass. Furthermore he developed a high tolerance for alcohol. There was no way he was drunk. At all. Damian has met beautiful women the past years. Attending Galas, charity events, and suchlike, as a Wayne. He did what was expected of him. Some were dates, others one night stands to satisfy his carnal needs as any other man. Every single one meaningless. Yet, they were nothing compared to this dazzling beauty before his sharp eyes. Pure and innocent as beautiful. Delicate as porcelain. This couldn’t be Rachel Kent. Jonathan’s sister. His date tonight. The simple idea seemed inconceivable.

He felt a warmth rising from within, a low gentle burn starting at his core, and stretching out into his limbs. He doesn’t recognize it, or possibly his logical mind refused to acknowledge it. He tenses, the sound around him mutes.

Rachel was too nervous to interpret the expression on his handsome face. She took a few deep breaths to slow down her racing heart. The unsettling feeling that's been building up in her since she entered the restaurant takes on new edges. An uncomfortable awareness of something she can’t quite put words to gnawing at the back of her mind. His penetrating gaze probably. There she was, standing in front of him. The man that stole her heart when she was a timid, troubled child, covering her affection with indifference. She longed to run her fingers through his dark hair. It looked so silky. His lips seemed to beckon to her to be kissed. Oh the dream of her teenage years.

“Damian.” She breathed torn between joy and agitation at seeing him for the first time in over ten years.

Fucking Richard Grayson. Damian swears in his head. She’s there. She’s right in front of him and he’s paralyzed, stunned. She was moving her rosy lips. God, he’d beg for a taste, those full lips were made for his. To be kissed properly. He found himself unable to hear a sound. His surroundings, her voice, nothing. His attention and thoughts too focused on those electric blue eyes. How intense and beautiful they are. All of her. She embodied the essence of everything that was supremely, exquisitely, unbelievably stunning. Becoming a beauty incarnate. Say something he commanded his body. It didn’t respond. Her expression showed concern, confusion, she must think he was ignoring her. Fuck.

“Oh.” Was all he managed to mutter. Seven hells. Is that all he can come up with? What in the world was happening to him? Facing a gorgeous woman and suddenly he was speechless, behaving like an inexperienced teenager. It was unacceptable.

He tried to focus again. Damn it. She folded her arms, her forehead shifting. It became immediately obvious to Damian that his staring wasn’t as subtle as he’d been hoping and he gave her the impression he was giving her the cold shoulder. How wrong she was. “Damian?” His hearing was finally back. He snapped out of it.

He cleared his throat, he was a complete mess. “Rachel?” He asked in disbelief. He wasn’t himself. All kind of thoughts swirling around his head. She nodded, smiling at him. He took a deep breath. It had to be a joke. He had to be sure it wasn’t an hallucination. “Rachel Kent?” He asked again, blinking incredulous. What was that in his voice? Was he stumbling over his words?

“Well, unless you were expecting another Rachel Kent.” She raised her eyebrows, blue eyes twinkling with humor, mildly puzzled by his actions.

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear innocently and stretched her hand, offering it to him. It took him a whole minute to process what was happening and react. He shook his head and hesitantly took her tiny, pale hand. Damian was acutely aware of the exact moment their hands touched. He tried not to get caught up in the way her palm, her skin was so soft. He was touching her, even if it went in the places he wished to. Then he felt annoyed at himself for noticing it. The little jolt warming his skin beneath their joined hands. It was just a handshake. Nothing, Something he did on daily basis with dozens a of people.

“So, mind if I sit down now?” She gestured the chair, asking shyly. A smile tugs at her lips.

He wanted to punch himself. Where were his manners. Alfred would be utterly disappointed and tell him he should be ashamed of his behavior. He attempted to stand up but his feet failed him and lost balance at the last minute. He avoided the fall, grabbing the edge of the table. Thanks to his quick reflexes. He was terribly embarrassed and furious. He cursed in his mind again. A waiter approached him and asked him if he was alright or needed anything. He dismissed him cordially, saying he was fine and it wasn’t necessary. He regained composure and helped his date sit in her chair. Tsk. He was infinitely grateful his siblings weren’t there to witness it.

He sat down again, shifting in his chair, trying to find a comfortable position. He was angry at himself, his ridiculous actions, lack of self-control. It infuriates him.

Rachel covered her mouth with her hand, suppressing a giggle. It was the first time in a long time she’s seen Damian Wayne being clumsy. Even when they were kids, he was a natural leader, a prodigy, genius. Always doing everything flawlessly, mastering every activity or task. Growing up she couldn’t help but feel inadequate. She was eager to see new sides of him. He appeared to be so perfect, it pained her at times. This was so human. Was he okay though?

Rachel was looking at him worried. “Are you alright?” She reaches out to touch his hand, it was her first instinct, but he instantly moved his arm away, avoiding her touch. It was a reflex. He didn’t mean to. Their eyes lock, hers full of emotion, was that disappointment, sadness in those shinning eyes? He loses himself in those clear, deep blue wells.a part of him wants to look away, hide his embarrassed at his reaction to her touch. But there it was this foreign feeling. It was killing him, annihilating his sanity, slowly. Without mercy.

“I’m sorry.” He exhaled. Guilt. He felt guilt. He was trying to regain control of his actions and emotions.

“No apology necessary.” She sighed, did her best to smile sincerely. But anyone could see the truth through her eyes. Those weren’t the words she'd been hoping he'd say, but she it was her mistake for assuming she could touch him. This was better than fighting. And she had promised herself she wouldn't hold him to her selfish expectations? It was nobody’s fault Damian didn’t want her. Wasn't even his, if she was being honest with herself. Just because she harbors romantic feelings for him...it didn't mean he was obligated to reciprocate those feelings.

Damian’s senses were reeling. He tried to speak but found words has scattered from his mind. Never in his life had the sight of a woman affected him to this point. Not even remotely. He was so taken taken aback by her unadorned beauty, that he was undeniably drunk in her loveliness. This strange, sick feeling was making him lose his cool, his control.

Words bubbles up in his throat, he swallowed them down, gulping air like fish out of the water. For the very first time in his life he felt like a fish out of water. He didn’t know what words to pronounce, dominate his emotions or actions. He was Damian Wayne, he wasn’t supposed to feel this way. He was raised to achieve success and excellence. One look at her and he loses it. Shit. His head was throbbing.

“I know it’s been a long time.” She says quietly, looking down, avoiding eye contact with him.

This encounter had fractured his composure, and with the floodgates broken, Damian was struggling not to drown in his emotions. There she was again, avoiding him, like when they were children. It was irritating, not knowing the reason she despise him, or what in the seven hells did he do? He let out a pained snarl, struggling to overpower a foreign sensation clawing up his chest that was making it difficult to breathe.

“Why? Why did you agree to this date with me?” He asked coldly, frustrated, agitated. He needed answers now.

This caught her attention, getting back to reality. Rachel’s eyes open wide. “I thought it was an opportunity to get to know each other.” She said in a quiet tone, almost in a whisper. She was biting her lower lip.

“Oh really? Because 10 years ago if I recall correctly you didn’t seem interested. You hated me.” He bit out, eyes narrowed falling on her figure. Hurt battling with anger, but anger was easier to cling to. He was releasing all his frustration but he didn’t care at the moment. He started clenching and unclenching his left fist. He needed to hit something. Or better yet, someone.

“I never hated you, Damian. It’s complicated, if you let me explain.” She panicked, tried to come up with an explanation, make him understand. She was a immature and naive child back then. If only he knew how she truly felt about him. He interrupted her

“What game are you playing, Rachel? I’m not a fucking toy or chess piece?” He snarled loudly. They weren’t kids anymore. She couldn’t treat him this way. He wouldn’t allow it. He was breathing heavily. He lost his temper in a public place. Oh no.

“You don’t have to be an asshole. If you didn’t want to come, you should’ve said it.” She countered. She felt broken, shaken, hurt, she held her gaze with his own hard, furious eyes. The pain nearly ripped her heart out. This was obviously a mistake. She gaved a whine of anger and frustration, eyes growing glassy.she couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. She stamped her foot, more tears falling.

“Damn you, Damian Wayne!” With those last words she rose from her sit, and walked away from him. She couldn’t look at him. Wiping her eyes as she retreated, leaving behind Damian and that disaster.

Fuck. He did it this time. He wants to slam his fist down on to the table. Realization of what he had caused. She was right. He didn’t comprehend why he had been an asshole. There had to be other ways to keep her at arms length. It wasn’t fair to her to behave like this. He could be nice to her, considerate and it didn’t have to mean anything. Except it did.

It hurts so bad to want a woman so much. To have her right in front of you, her alluring eyes, full cheeks, delicate features, this glorious creature, and they were so far away. In mind, personality, perspective. In every possible way he could think of. And he was disrespectful, rude, nasty. Because he didn’t understand his own feelings.

It was desire. He wanted Rachel, had wanted her the moment he laid his eyes on her as he’d listened to his newly-revived heart pounding hot blood into his ears, he didn’t know how to deal with the need to have her, mind, body, and soul. It was all new to him. But he wanted her. Dick could kick his ass after all. He deserved it. Except he had to fix this. He had to apologize, plead for another opportunity.

“Rachel! Rachel wait!” Abruptly, his feet started obeying, rushing off to chase after his date. His heart pounding, as he ran across the hall. He could catch up to her still. He had to. He regretted his words before. This date meant everything. Fucking Richard Grayson. If he managed to get Rachel to forgive him. He’d have to genuinely thank him.

Notes: don’t worry it’s the first part of the date 😂😂😂🥺🥺🙈🙈🙈😭😭❤️❤️

#im sorry not sorry #blind date au #i liked yiu first #damirae #demon birds #damian x raven #damian wayne #raven is a kent #raven roth #dick grayson #alfred pennyworth #jon kent #clark kent #eventual smut #writing #dc universe #dc fandom #teen titans

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

All right, more writing advice has occurred to me, as promised, so here it is.

Writing Advice #2: Find a scene you like in a story you enjoy and dissect it.

I say a scene you like, not a scene you love, because honestly you’re probably never going to enjoy the scene again by the time you’re done.  BUT.

Find a good scene in a good book, and list as many observations about the scene as you possibly can.  Figure out: what does that scene accomplish?  How does it follow on from past scenes?  How does it set up future scenes?  What does it do for the characters and/or plot?  Most importantly, how did the author make it do that?  Do it in a macro level, for plot and character and theme.  Do it on a micro level, for individual word choices.

I’ll use an example from #22: The Solution, because this is me and I never shut up about Animorphs.  And I’m gonna do just a macro-level breakdown, to see how that scene fits within the book to understand why I like it so much.

One of my favorite scenes from #22 involves the entire extended Berenson family crowding into a hospital room to witness the “miraculous” “recovery” of “Saddler” — really David using Saddler’s DNA to sneak into Saddler’s family — before Jake and Rachel, the only two Berensons in the know, step out into the hallway.  In classic Berenson style they deal with their feelings by shouting and nearly coming to blows... but they gradually open up to each other about the fact that they’re both feeling scared and helpless right now.  They actually hug, the only time we ever see Jake and Rachel show that much affection, and resolve to handle this David-Saddler situation together.  The Hallway Scene (as Cates and I call it) is p. 107 - 113 in #22, most of Chapter 21.

So how does Applegate set that scene up?

First of all, we get exposition on the Saddler situation.  It comes up twice earlier in the book — once in the form of Naomi giving Rachel an update while Rachel staggers off to bed after fighting David all night, once in the form of Jordan seeking Rachel’s big-sister comfort about the situation in a conversation Rachel later realizes David overheard.  Both of those moments mean it makes sense when Rachel’s struggle against David gets interrupted by her mom bringing her to the hospital to visit an injured cousin.  That moment with Jordan also sets up David’s decision to kill and replace Saddler, while on the surface being a tough-but-sweet moment between sisters.  So the reader understands the Saddler situation pretty well, and thus it’s equipped to drive the plot.  We also don’t need exposition about it during The Hallway Scene, and can thus focus on just the characters there.

Second, we get Jake and Rachel’s dynamic.  The book opens with Rachel going into a rage and promising to murder David when she discovers Jake lying on the floor of the mall.  Through the planning and execution of the Hulk Smash the team does on the G8 summit, we see that Jake and Rachel work together seamlessly during emergencies — and that they fall into bickering once the emergency ends.  Later, we get Rachel’s first attempt to confront Jake about his willingness to use her as a weapon against David as they’re on Jake’s front porch, only to have Jake cut Rachel off with a reminder that Tom is inside the house.  All of these scenes build up the tension between Jake and Rachel but allow it no release until The Hallway Scene.

Third, we get the mood.  Rachel misses her first night of sleep in the opening sequence, when Ax gets her out of bed and she ends up hunting David clear until dawn.  Rachel misses her second night of sleep when the Animorphs resort to a smash ‘n’ burn on the G8 summit.  Rachel misses her ability to catch up on sleep when Jordan comes into her room, and then David reveals he’s been in her room as well for an unknown amount of time.  Not only has she been without rest for the past three days, she’s been unable to relax anywhere: David might be in her house, David might be in her school, David might be in Cassie’s barn, David might be Marco, David might be crawling on her skin.  Rachel and Jake’s confrontation is dangerously close to being public — they’re in a hallway of a hospital — but they’re exhausted and have nowhere else to go.

Fourth, the book sets up the contrast between appearance and reality within the Berenson family.  Obviously the whole series is about how appearances are misleading, but this book has several moments with Rachel reflecting on her mall-rat past self and realizing that that girl is a killer now.  There’s also the moment where she says “[Jake] was sitting there, looking like any other kid stuck in any other boring minivan.  If you saw him walk down the street you might think, Oh, there’s a nice-looking guy... /But then, I guess that’s true of everyone.  You can never be sure whether the pretty blond lugging a pair of bulging Express bags through the mall is just another sweet, ditzy, harmless mall rat.  /Or me.”  Rachel is conscious that the Berenson family is simultaneously the most “nice-looking” (white, upper-class, close, mostly nuclear) and in some ways the messiest family even on their whole team of messy families.

Their very closeness is what makes Tom’s yeerk so capable of hurting Jake and Steve — as Tobias points out in #31, any yeerk in his family could just tell his guardians to fuck off and that’d be the end of it.  Their very closeness is what enables Jake to trust Rachel up to the point of asking her to commit murder, and what enables Rachel to trust Jake up to the point of committing murder on his say-so.  But it’s not until The Hallway Scene that we see Rachel’s understanding of “appearances are deceiving, especially in this family” and her understanding of “I’m a lot more scared of myself than anyone realizes” coalesce onto the epiphany of “oh wait, Jake feels the same way I do.”

So how does that scene set up the rest of the book?

This breakdown’s a little simpler, because this scene is 75% of the way through the book and 95% of the way through the trilogy.

First, it takes away a lot of David’s power, because being vulnerable with each other allows Rachel and Jake bring the team dynamic back in line.  All of a sudden David’s attempts to sow discord — calling Rachel a monster, gloating about killing Tobias, pretending to be Marco — shift from being terrifying and heartbreaking to being... there.  Rachel has all the power in that scene in the Taco Bell, even though David continues to think that he has the power, and part of the reason that’s true is that she has her team at her back now.

Second, it sets up the resolution.  The Hallway Scene allows Jake and Rachel to confront their own brutality, and to a certain extent they choose to embrace that brutality because they see no other way out of the situation.  Thus Jake green-lights Cassie’s plan to trap David as a rat, and Rachel does the dirty work of executing that plan.

Third, it prepares several other moments of uniquely brutal vulnerability between these two later on in the series.  Jake morphs howler for the first time while cradled between Rachel’s grizzly-bear paws, because she’s the one he trusts to kill him instantly if he can’t control the morph (#26).  Rachel spends the entirety of #37 denying that she got a civilian killed until the moment she can finally talk to Jake about it, and Jake all-but confesses to having done the same.  Jake can’t bring himself to ask Rachel directly to kill Tom in a suicide mission, but Rachel understands what he’s saying all the same, and makes him agree in exchange not to blame himself for their deaths (#53).

Fourth, it shifts the mood away from the kids feeling more and more trapped in their ever-shrinking corner, toward the kids realizing they’ve all got each other in that corner.  David’s fate is a terrible secret binding the team together, and it’s the reason that these six never really trust anyone but each other ever again in the series.  Jake’s scared of himself, Rachel’s scared of herself, but at least from here on out they can be scared together.

Why’s The Hallway Scene so impactful?

Contrast, mostly.  For instance, Applegate could’ve written a scene where Rachel reacts to finding out that Michelle’s and the other vets’ intervention kept Jake alive long enough for him to demorph and survive David’s attack.  There could’ve even been a scene with Rachel hugging Jake in a thank-god-you’re-alive way, processing the earlier emotion of having found him dying on the floor of the mall.  However, if we had gotten that moment, then it wouldn’t be nearly as surprising or as bittersweet when Jake and Rachel hug in the hospital hallway.  In canon, we get told-not-shown about the aftermath of Jake being rescued, and Rachel just assumes that neither she nor Jake needs a hug after all that because they’re Built Berenson Tough and must be fine.

Another hypothetical: Applegate could’ve set that same scene somewhere safe for them to talk freely, like the clock tower or another location David doesn’t know.  Or she could’ve set the scene somewhere completely unsafe, like Saddler’s hospital room where both Tom and David are within earshot.  However, setting it somewhere completely safe would raise the possibility that Jake and Rachel morph and attempt to do real violence to each other.  The scene wouldn’t work as well if they had quite that much freedom of expression, and quite that little urgency about talking things out right now.  Setting it somewhere unsafe might have interesting implications if they’re forced to use doublespeak the whole time (as we see them doing on the phone) but wouldn’t allow them enough space to be as emotionally vulnerable as we see them being in canon.  Forcing them to have the appearance of a normal conversation from a distance, while also allowing them to say what they will without fear of eavesdroppers, gives us exactly the right balance of tension.

How’d Applegate to it?

Not in the first draft, I guarantee you.  Attempting to fit a scene that well into a book that doesn’t yet fully exist is quite simply impossible.  Maybe there was a scene where Rachel gave Jake a thank-god-you’re-not-dead hug after Michelle fixed him, and it got taken out later.  Maybe the Saddler situation was originally explained as Rachel was already on her way to the hospital, and the exposition got deliberately moved to an earlier and less-tense moment in the plot.  Point being, it took writing and rewriting and rerewriting to get the book to fit together that well, and the same is true of any book that flows well in its entirety.

My other guess about what went on behind the scenes: lots of prewriting.  Lots of outlining the whole series, lots of “what would Rachel do?”, lots of research on elephants and rats and dolphins and eagles.

All of that is work.  All of that is a pain.  All of that is returning to a project even after the glow of initial excitement is gone.  All of that is fighting the urge to scream and yeet the draft after getting criticism.  But books don’t function if you don’t put that much work into them.

#animorphs #writing #writing advice #animorphs meta #22 #the solution #berenson feels #rachel berenson #animorphs spoilers #asks #anonymous

[tfw-no-tennis]

ani....morphs.....

ok so picking up after the david trilogy, which hit hard as FUCK, we have book 23, which basically was a semi truck that ran over my corpse, jesus christ, they really followed up the david trilogy w/all that....

23 was so so good and also painful. its the culmination of a lot of tobias’s characterization in the series thus far and also we finally get the reveal we’ve been waiting for about elfangor....ooooh man 

and there was a lot of painful stuff in this book but the worst imo was tobias wondering if it were possible that somebody wanted him and would take care of him, only to have it all come crashing down in the worst way when it turned out aria was visser three in morph, ouch. 

that was so brutal augh. and when he figured it out and just crash landed and kept thinking about how he wanted to die and how he was stupid to think he could have a home...bro get these kids some THERAPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

so yeah that book was absolutely brutal but also so good...and it further fleshed out the animorphs working as a near-flawless team, w/the whole setup of tobias meeting w/the lawyer being so airtight and well-planned 

also more free hork bajir!! its cool that there's stuff happening w/them offscreen, I like that 

I literally had to take a break from reading the books bc the david triology + 23 was like so much, and also bc the olympics were on and all my time got dedicated to watching those, but then I opened 24, not sure what to expect, and BAM it was the helmacrons lmaoooo

I don't even remember the helmacrons but ig a lot of people hate them? lmao so that whole reputation preceded the book and I was like oh wow time for a change in tone

which wasn't wrong but also I liked that book?? I was never bored, even tho the whole thing was patently ridiculous and also had very little bearing on the overarching story

but I think it would be a standout if it were a TV episode w/a good budget - the visuals were amazing even in text, and I can imagine all the cool shrinking/growing/cellular stuff would be WICKED cool visually (ideally 2d animation but an ant man-esque live action adaptation wouldn't be terrible if they had the budget for it)

whatever let me dream. so yeah I didn't hate the helmacron book even tho the helmacrons themselves were...sure something. lmao I think they come back? that should be interesting

next book is the arctic one, we have yet another alien of the week style adventure - I liked this one too, it felt like more plot-y stuff happened since they destroyed the base, and marco’s POV is always fun 

I do find it funny/interesting how sometimes when the animorphs do something - like in this book, destroying that base in the arctic - it doesn't really seem to impact the yeerks much/it doesn't get brought up much after that. and then other things like them destroying the ground-based kandrona get mentioned a lot (that example is understandable tho bc that WAS a big deal). its just hilarious to me how blowing up entire building complexes has become so routine that it isn’t even worth mentioning at this point

Also I adore when they meet other random people/kids and are chill w/them, like w/that kid they met in the rain forest earlier on w/the time travel 

the descriptions of the brutally cold weather were great. I hate the cold so I was like oof this is a nightmare lmao

also ig that was the first ghostwritten book and I did kinda notice it was slightly different than usual? maybe? I could be imagining it tho 

okay but book 26 tho...BOOK 26. bruh 

that was SO good and I really didn’t know what to expect - but when we finally revisited Jake’s dream w/crayak I knew it was gonna be good (but I didn’t expect it to be a chess game war epic..!)

basically I loved it. SUCH a good Jake book - I really appreciate his character now as opposed to when I was 10 and often overlooked him (sorry jake).

similarly, when I was a kid and read these I sympathized a lot w/the chee and felt bad for them towards the end of the series when they had to get more involved in the war (genuinely don’t remember what they even do but ik I felt bad) 

but now I've basically 180′d and I'm like damn those chee sure are hypocrites huh. 

like they could solve So many of the animorphs problems but their stringent adherence to nonviolence leads to them actively getting in the animorphs way sometimes? and obviously pacifism is a complicated topic, but in this case it also intersect w/the whole ‘child soldier’ thing, and as beings who are insanely old and wise, the chee probably shouldn't just leave all the dirty work to a bunch of literal middle schoolers

aaaaanyways. there’s so much I love about this book. the iskoort! they were sure something. and the ‘plot twist’ that they are actually 2 beings, the Isk and the Yoort - and the Yoort are essentially Yeerks - that slapped. the symbiosis of it all! 

I loved the part where they all realize what this means, that this is why Crayak wants the iskoort destoryed - because someday the yeerks might come across them and realize parasitism is not the only way. I love it! 

alas I don’t recall the iskoort returning in the story (but also my memory is terrible so who knows?) but still that would be cool

basically I feel like this is the book where Jake Truly comes into his own as a leader, in every sense. he outmaneuvers Crayak, and even the ellimist, who’s yanking them around in his own way

the scene where jake shoves the howler off the cliff and jumps off and morphs and acquires the howler...that was fantastic and tense. 

also the murder is definitely becoming more overt. I mean, it has been for a while, but it isn’t really pointed out as much anymore. oof

more on the chee - as Jake points out in this book, and other characters point out in other books - the chee could have saved the pemalites, but instead just stood by while their creators were slaughtered. on the other hand, jake says, what do the chee do AFTER they’ve killed the howlers - where to point them next? when is the end of their violence? 

buuuuut also standing by while atrocities occur is pretty damning, as is frequently mentioned in this series - from the very beginning, when marco initially doesn’t want to get involved in the war at all, and the other animorphs basically tell him that turning his back on the war and acting like he doesn’t even know it’s happening would be immoral and cowardly (which imo this reaction helps to push marco in the direction he ends up going, but I digress) - this topic comes up again in 19 when cassie quits the team and rachel is upset bc she sees it as cassie elevating her own feelings above the greater good (as in, as long as cassie feels good about how she acts, it doesn’t matter how much preventable evil the yeerks are committing while she turns away). etc etc. but that’s essentially what’s happening w/the chee - even tho they help w/intel, the lack of any sort of Action on their part means that they’re essentially allowing awful things to happen when they could prevent them. this is rambly but basically...animorphs deals so much in grey areas, and the chee are noticeably black and white in their actions, despite falling, in a meta sense, in an extremely grey area. its such good, thought provoking writing!

anywayssss I keep talking about the chee lmao what else was there. oh YEAH jake and cassie kissed for the first time awww that was super cute 

and ofc immediately marco teases them as asks jake if he’s gonna kiss him next, and all I can say is...marco is a bicon 

also I love the background worldbuilding w/the iskoort, how they have all these groups and guilds and stuff - its not dwelled on much, which actually works really well to give the world/species a sense of lived-in realness 

okay oh man and the reveal at the end that the howlers were just like...children who thought the whole thing was a game...AUGHH man that’s sooo fucked 

like, when jake morphs the howler and has rachel ready to knock him down in grizzly morph if he gets out of control due to the howler’s murderous instincts, and he morphs to find that the howler is...playful, like a dolphin morph. SUCH a good fucked up sense of dawning horror there 

and the fact that as far as I can tell the chee KNEW this, but wanted revenge anyways, so they let the animorphs assume that the howlers were Evil On Purpose

also I love smaller moments, like jake seeing that ax is ashamed for briefly running away during one battle w/the howlers, and then entrusts him w/an important task bc he knows that ax will see that as redemption - and when everyone thought jake was dead and were so happy when he wasn't (they all love each other so much im gonna cry about these child soldiers augh)

basically that book was so good

man one thing I absolutely love is that the longer the series goes on the more obvious it is that andalites, despite inventing morphing technology, barely use it themselves 

like, most of the andalite characters we see barely morph. its kind of a last resort to them, as they’re already plenty dangerous in their regular forms 

meanwhile for the animorphs, that’s all they have to fight with. that’s their only weapons against the yeerks, and its so fun to see them use the power in so many varied ways, and so creatively, while the andalites have barely scratched the surface of their own technology

its also interesting to contrast against the yeerks who start out w/absolutely no technology, and the andalites share some but not all of their technology w/them...its too bad that morphing technology was just starting out cause that would’ve been interesting

like imo a lot of the conflict w/the yeerks could’ve been avoided if they could just nothlit into better forms - of course, there’d still be plenty of yeerks who want to go start wars or w/e, just like pretty much any species in the series, but a lot of yeerks would probably be like ‘yeah I'm good’ and just chill out as nothlits

also people online love to talk about how humans are alienfuckers and would definitely have sex w/sentient aliens and whatnot, and while I'm not saying that's untrue, its just funny bc in animorphs the truest alienfuckers are definitely the andalites

as of the hork-bajir chronicles, we now have a second instance of an andalite morphing another species to be in an inter-species alien romance (and eventually have kids) 

speaking of, I don’t think I’ve talked abt the hork bajir chronicles yet??? even tho I read it a while ago lmao 

HBC was great...I honestly haven’t really run into an animorphs book I’ve actually disliked at this point, I’m sure it’ll come w/all the ghostwriting and whatnot, but I’ve liked at least some aspects of every book

anyways HBC was great, and it’s funny bc I remember that I read this book as a kid, and yet rereading it now I didn’t remember a single bit of it lmaooo

I really liked the framing device of the free hork bajir telling this story to tobias. I also liked how we know from the beginning that this story wont have a happy ending - we know all the hork bajir end up enslaved by the yeerks, but it’s still somehow hopeful at the end? I think this is largely due to the framing device tbh. 

also I love toby, and I love that the First free hork bajir named their kid after tobias ;_; 

and oooh mannn I LOVED the different POVs from this book. all the characters were so interesting! aldrea was fascinating - I really like the increasingly negative view of the andalites that the readers are getting, all while maintaining the sense that they aren’t like, actively evil, just that they have their issues - like aldrea’s arrogance, and the general andalite arrogance which lead to the loss of the hork bajir. also, who knew andalites had their own brand of sexism? Ls

I did like getting a female andalite tho, that was cool. and dak was really cool, he was such a good, compassionate character who was able to maintain his morals in an interesting way throughout the story

and VISSER THREE...or should I say esplin 9466, because he’s not visser 3 yet...getting his ‘origin story’ was excellent - I really like how we’re learning about visser 3 backwards - we start off the series w/him as the main villain, and he’s campy and menacing, and then we see him in the andalite chronicles as a power-hungry sub-visser trying to climb the ranks and eventually getting alloran as a host, and then back even further here, w/the start of his focus on the andalites and the beginning of his ambition. its been very cool and interesting to see

plus, the beginning of the yeerks as we know them! seerow! alloran! it’s a party and nobody is having a good time, except for some of the yeerks. 

I like how it’s pretty obvious that the andalites are well-meaning with their interactions w/the yeerks, but go about it the wrong way - they give them enough technology that the yeerks realize there’s a whole world out there to experience, and then they blockade the yeerks on their planet and tell them they can’t leave. nnnnot the best approach imo

again, as I said above, I’m interested in how things could’ve gone if the andalites had given the yeerks morphing technology early on - could a lot of the conflict have been avoided, or would it have been worse? the yeerks seem pretty evil in this book, immediately jumping to enslave anyone they can. otoh we hear from esplin that not all yeerks like having host bodies, and find it overwhelming, preferring to swim around in the yeerk pool as a slug - I assume as host bodies became more available this type of thinking was probably stamped out in yeerk society or w/e, but there are a lot of interesting what-ifs in the situation 

I loved the scene where esplin first experiences having a host, and immediately knows he can’t go back. there are a bunch of great sensory descriptions, and it’s a nice scene to pinpoint as a foundational moment for the visser three in the current story, who spent a lot of time and energy getting what he sees as the best possible host body, an andalite

I find it interesting how much visser three clearly respects the andalites, even while constantly deriding them. and you can see the origins of that here as he immediately focuses in on the andalites, working to become an expert on them in order to make himself useful enough to move thru the ranks

another thing I like is how esplin seems a lot more crafty and ambitious than the visser three from modern times - I would guess that reaching his goal (andalite host body) and being given all that power was detrimental, playing on his weaknesses instead of his strengths. basically, I don’t think it’s ooc or anything, I can see how HBC-esplin became animorphs-esplin, especially w/TAC in between

as for seerow...poor dude. you really do have to feel for him, because you get the sense he really did just want to be kind to the yeerks, but it was borne from a place of pity, and he (and the other andalites) consistently held too much power over the yeerks for the species relations to ever be truly equal and functional 

AUGH I have so many thoughts about alien space politics. omg. I need to talk about the actual story lmao

so yeah I also feel for aldrea, she had a rough time, watching her entire family die and being thrown into a hopeless war

and then the andalite council or w/e not listening to her bc she's a girl AND seerow’s daughter...oof

also, I really really liked the running theme of the andalites - specifically aldrea - looking down on the hork bajir as ‘simple’ and constantly underestimating them, especially dak

and I like how this is portrayed as a bad attitude for aldrea to have, and she still remains and interesting and sympathetic character even while having obvious flaws. it’s about being 3-dimensional baby!

and oh man I love that dak realizes that aldrea looks down on him, and his entire species, but he can see that that’s how the andalites are, and it all connects back to the beginning of the story w/the yeerks, bc the andalites looked down on the yeerks and treated them with pity and kept them pinned under their proverbial thumb ‘for their own good’ and look how that turned out 

but dak is wise and kind enough to not hate aldrea for this, even acknowledging when she’s using him, but not pushing her away because he recognizes good in her too - and she ends up changing, partially because of his faith in her

and I feel like it can all be compared to that scenario of like - a hypothetical creature that lives in a 2D world suddenly being thrust into a 3D world, and comprehending what its seeing, and understanding that there’s so much more out there outside of the flat lines of its world - and then its dropped back into 2D-land with the knowledge of all the stuff its missing out on, and no way to get back to it or explain it to anybody else

I loooove that ‘trope’ or w/e you wanna call it, and it’s done beautifully here w/the yeerks - whos the say they wouldn't have been fine in their pool swimming around; as esplin said, a lot of the yeerks were terrified of having a host, it was only from the andalites’ perspective that their lives were sad and pitiful, and the andalites showed them what the world could be like, and then said ‘no, you can’t travel the stars like we do, you have to stay here on your planet and do what we say.’

and then again, w/the hork bajir - dak talks about how, even though he drinks up the knowledge that aldrea gives him, in the end it might have been better to just have lived peacefully, not knowing what was in the sky or the Deep - as aldrea says: “It was too late for Dak: he knew that the stars were not flowers.” 

plus the hork bajir having to go from a completely peaceful species who don’t even understand the concept of violence, to a bunch of soldiers fighting a war...oof 

basically everyone in this story uses the hork bajir. the yeerks use them as hosts, the andalites use their planet as a convenient place to dump seerow and then take their sweet time coming to help, and the arn created them as means to stabilize the planet, but block them off from their society and refuse to help when the yeerks come

like, the arn modifying themselves to be un-infestable by the yeerks and then being enslaved for physical labor instead? oof guys. if they had teamed up w/the hork bajir resistance things might have gone better, but probably not 

more on aldrea - throughout the story I was always thinking ‘how am I supposed to see her? as a good person, or as a bad person?’ 

as a POV character, especially a ‘good guy’ andalite, you just start off automatically thinking of her as a good person, but as the story goes on, she starts getting lost in revenge and begins using dak and the hork bajir, and you’re left wondering if this is a story about her slide into darkness, and then towards the end of the story her character development culminates in her making the decision to stay w/the hork bajir, and the be with dak, and that’s about when I went ‘ohhh right this is animorphs so every character is pretty much gonna be grey’

I feel like that moral grey-ness was on full display w/aldrea, and I really enjoyed that. I love so much when characters who are good do bad things, for good or bad reasons, especially in media like animorphs that’s aimed at kids. it’s so compelling. 

oof, and the ending when aldrea convinces dak to mobilize the hork bajir and teach them violence...and dak asks her if she’s ever killed another andalite, and she’s horrified, and says of course she hasn’t, and he says that that’s what she’s asking him, and all the hork bajir, to do - to kill their own people, even if they are being controlled by the yeerks. biiiig oof. I love that dak can keep up w/aldrea and her andalite supremacy attitude - it seems that the non-andalite characters who get along best w/the andalites are the ones who wont take their bs 

what else happened....oh my god how could I forget about alloran, and his quantum virus. oooof. I like how we find out about alloran in parallel to visser three, in the same backwards way - in animorphs he’s the tragic host of visser three, in TAC he’s the disgraced but still semi-respected war-prince who becomes the first ever andalite controller, and here he’s the guy who decides to commit some war crimes because, hey, we haven’t tried that yet 

but yeah that was fucked up, I love it. I’ve said it before I think but I like that alloran isn’t some perfect martyr tragically taken by the yeerks - it’s a lot more compelling that he’s a very flawed person who was taken as a controller partially due to his own bloodthirstiness. 

but yeah, the part where aldrea morphs alloran and ‘sneaks’ into that room was great. aldrea’s dedication to disposing of the virus is a great indicator of her character development - it really feels like the straw that broke the camels back w/re: to the andalites not being what she thought they were, w/their tardiness coming to help the hork bajir planet and the way her father was treated being the precursors to this realization. it all culminates nicely in aldrea saying ‘fuck this actually’ and nothlit-ing into a hork bajir.

and it’s really tragic but realistic that even though aldrea and dak end up seeing eye to eye at the end and getting together, the virus ends up being released anyways (and fails in its objective to stop the yeerks from using the hork bajir - the whole thing was p much a lose-lose situation oof), and aldrea and dak still die fighting a hopeless war 

but then we have the free hork bajir on earth, including toby, who, like tobias, has andalite ancestry, but no DNA to show for it - I like that they have that connection as well as tobias being her namesake

so yeah I enjoyed that one and its many-layered themes

WOW this got long uuuuuhhh ok I think i’ll leave this one off here. at the time I’m actually finishing the writing and editing, I’m on book 35 lol so I have some backlogging to do. never fear, I have a lot to say....

#lj reads animorphs #animorphs

[leigh-kelly]

The Nanny-Chapter 2

Defeated by her inability to sell any makeup, and her total failure at faking her way into a job as a nanny, Brittany returns to her parents’ apartment in Flushing. Her mother is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and she feels exactly twelve years old as she sinks down onto the couch. This definitely isn’t where she saw herself at nearly thirty, and when she looks at her phone to see text messages from Sugar complaining about working with Quinn, she just throws it to the side. Her life is in total shambles, and all she needs is some dose of good luck to turn it around.

“Ma, what am I supposed to do? I dropped out of college to work in Dani’s stupid bridal shop, I have no real skills, no girlfriend, and I’m living with my mother.”

“It’s no picnic living with you either, kid.” Whitney Piece opens the doorway between the kitchen and the living room and holds a raw chicken in her hands. “You’re really butting in on mine and your father’s private time.”

“Ew, Mom, gross. I don’t need to hear about that. I’m having enough of a terrible day.”

“I say you march back down to that Ms. Lopez’s mansion and give her a piece of your mind.”

“What’s that even going to do? She didn’t do anything to me. If I’m going to give anyone a piece of my mind, it’s going to be Dani Fucking Harper for cheating on me and firing me. She’s the one that got me into this situation.”

“You’re the one that got yourself into this situation. I warned you about Dani when you started dating her. You wouldn’t let me look you up with Jeannie’s nice son Artie who would have married you and made you a millionaire. A millionaire, you hear me? He just sold his first tech company for five-hundred million dollars. But instead, you chose Dani with the bridal shop.”

“Why do you have to make everything worse? I went on a date with Artie, and he so wasn’t into reenacting my Lady and the Tramp fantasy and kept talking to me like he was some kind of rapper. It’s not like I expected Dani to cheat on me.”

“She was shifty, I would have expected it.”

“Gee, thanks Mom.” Brittany rolls her eyes, and then, from where it landed under the couch when she tossed it, Brittany’s phone begins to ring. She stoops down to pick it up, and she furrows her brow when she sees a strange 212 area code light up the screen. “I guess I should take this, it’s probably someone calling to tell me that I have to sell my kidneys in order to survive the next month.”

“Only sell one, or else you’ll die, and your father and I will be responsible for paying back that ten thousand dollars in student loans you took out.”

“You’re just full of hope today, aren’t you?” Brittany sighs and presses the accept call button on her phone. “Hello?”

“Hello, is this Miss Pierce?”

“Um, yeah, who’s this?”

“Santana Lopez, we met earlier.”

“Right, how could I forget the gorgeous millionaire with the big mansion?”

“Gorgeous millionaire, I’m listening.” Whitney sits down next to Brittany, and she shoos her away.

“I’ve reconsidered what I said earlier. You seemed to have a way with Tyler, and I’d like to hire you on a trial basis, assuming you can move in today and start immediately.”

“Move in? It’s a live-in position?”

“Well yes, is that going to be a problem?”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can pack my bags. Oh, thank you, Ms. Lopez, thank you! You won’t regret this.”

“I have some reason to believe that I will…but I’ll see you this afternoon.”

In less than an hour, Brittany packs up everything she owns and is in the back of a cab headed toward Manhattan. She thinks she probably should be nervous, but she’s not, she’s totally got this and she’s going to show Ms. Lopez that she’s totally wrong about thinking she’s going to regret hiring her. Kids absolutely love her, she’s sure that she’ll win over Tyler with his fake blood, Abigail with her whining and Valerie with her sad eyes. It’s going to be a total piece of cake, she just knows it.

“Miss Pierce.” The butler opens the door when she gets there and hurries out to the cab to go help her with her things. Most of the stuff in the apartment she shared with Dani wasn’t hers, so she really just has four suitcases chock full of clothes and a big Rubbermaid bin full of shoes.

Brittany looks around the house and it’s surprisingly quiet. Something about it reminds her of The Sound of Music, her absolute favorite comfort movie when she was a kid, and she eyes the drapes, hoping she doesn’t have to teach herself how to sew in order to make the kids play clothes. Shaking her head, she moves over to the side table and reaches out to touch what is probably a very expensive crystal vase when she hears footsteps and then retracts her hand.

“I’d appreciate if you didn’t touch the antiques.” Santana puts her hand on her hip and cocks her head to the side. “And I expect I won’t have to watch over you while you’re watching the children.”

“Why do you have antiques in a house full of kids anyway?”

“We taught them from a young age what was theirs to touch and what wasn’t. I’ve never had a problem before.”

“Even with Tyler?”

“Well—” Santana begins and then is stopped by the sound of screeching coming into the room.

“Mommy! Look at my dolly! Tyler ripped her head right off and put it in the toilet bowl!” Abigail cried.

“I did not!” Tyler tumbles into the room. “She’s a big fat liar. She did it herself just to get me in trouble.”

“A new doll for Abigail will be coming right out of your allowance, young man.” Santana furrows her brow and looks between the children. “Both of you, say hello to Miss Pierce.”

“Miss Pierce? No way, I’m just Brittany.”

“I’d prefer if the children called you Miss Pierce.”

“And I’d prefer if they called me Brittany.” Brittany challenges. “Listen, Abigail, I’m an expert doll fixer. Why don’t you come upstairs with me and we’ll get her all taken care of?”

An hour later, Abigail’s doll is fixed, Tyler is distracted with a new bucket of Legos that Kurt—the butler, now that Brittany has learned his name—brought out and Brittany is almost finished unpacking. She’s not sure where Valerie is, though she thinks she should probably be aware of that, and she wonders exactly how one nannies a fifteen-year-old. It’s not like she needs dolls fixed or lessons in not using ketchup as fake blood, but Brittany is sure she’ll learn on the job.

“Miss Pierce.” Kurt knocks on the door to her bedroom and Brittany cringes a little at everyone in this house and their formalities. “Dinner is served.”

Brittany makes her way down the stairs and into the dining room, but when she gets there, she realizes that there are only four places set. She wrinkles her nose a little and looks to Kurt, who is puzzled by her expression. He holds out his hand toward the kitchen, apparently assuming that’s where she’ll eat and Brittany’s eyebrows raise.

“The nanny normally eats in there on her own while Ms. Lopez has meals with the children.”

“Well that’s ridiculous.” Brittany goes into the kitchen and picks up the plate set for her, carrying into the dining room. “Isn’t a nanny supposed to be part of the family? I’ll be eating with them.”

Valerie comes into the dining room first and gives Brittany the same strange look that Kurt did. Brittany is in utter shock that any other nanny put up with this and she simply unfolds her napkin and puts it on her lap like she’s seen people do in movies. At home, she mostly used paper towels as napkins and can’t really understand why anyone would think cloth napkins were a better idea, but she guesses she may as well learn how to fit in with these rich people.

“You know you’re supposed to eat in the kitchen.” Valerie tells her, standing behind her own chair.

“Maybe that’s how it used to be, but if I’m going to spend all my time with you, I think I should at least be able to eat with you.”

“Miss Pierce.” Santana comes in, followed by Abigail and Tyler. “You’re—”

“Supposed to eat in the kitchen, I know. I—” Brittany tries to think of the most appropriate response to her new boss. “I think it’s better for the kids to see me eating with the family, then they know they should respect me.”

“Well. Alright then.” Santana sits down.

Dinner is the weirdest thing Brittany has ever experienced. Not a single one of them talk. She keeps trying to start a conversation, get everyone to at least pretend they’re at the table with other people, but no one takes the bait. She watches Tyler hide his broccoli in his napkin, watches Abigail obsessively sort her food, watches Valerie eat more slowly than she’s ever seen a human being eat and watches Santana look down at her phone every thirty seconds. Then, just when she feels like she’s about to explode, Rachel Berry barges into the dining room with a flourish.

“I just got off the phone with Brody Weston, he wants to have dinner with us tonight.” She shrieks. “This could be our chance to land Broadway’s biggest star. Lin Manuel Miranda doesn’t stand a chance against us if we get him!”

“Let’s go.” Santana stands up, pushing her plate away. “Miss Pierce, I expect you’ll be alright getting the children to bed?”

“You’ve got it. What, like ten o’clock?”

“No. More like eight o’clock. Valerie can stay up until nine-thirty.”

“Right…” Brittany shakes her head, thinking maybe Valerie is way too old to have a nine-thirty bedtime, but she’s not going to argue with her boss. “Uh, have fun.”

“Miss Pierce.” Rachel’s voice gets high and shrill. “We are not doing this for fun.”

They leave the dining room and Brittany looks around at the three kids. Abigail looks crestfallen, Tyler looks like he’s planning something and Valerie just looks completely aloof to the entire situation. Maybe it’s weird, but Brittany wants to know more about Ms. Lopez. She’s living in her house after all and if feels weird that they’ve exchanged maybe one-hundred words. But she’s not exactly about to ask, the woman was weird enough about her sitting at the dinner table with them and even weirder about the kids calling her Brittany, so she thinks if she actually asks something personal her head will explode.

“So…what’s up guys?” Brittany asks. “You know there’s no law that you have to be quiet at the dinner table, right?”

“Mom would rather we are.” Abigail pipes up. “She’s usually really busy doing work on her phone.”

“Well guess what, she’s not here, so talk away.”

Brittany isn’t surprised that she’s still met with utter silence, but she rolls her eyes a little. It’s clear that these kids have no idea how to just be kids and she thinks of The Sound of Music again. Maybe she does need to learn how to saw so she can make them play clothes out of the curtains, bring them to Central Park and let them run around and scream. It seems like it would do each of them good, probably Tyler, especially, since he seems to need to get into mischief to actually express himself.

After dinner is done, all three kids go to their rooms. Brittany is pretty sure that she hears Valerie’s door slam, but she can’t be sure. Figuring this is just what they do, Brittany goes into the kitchen to try and get some dirt out of Kurt. She could see a gleam in his eye when she met him earlier in the day and she just knows he’ll be willing to spill some gossip.

“So, what’s the deal Kurt? Tell me all about these people.”

“Miss Pierce—”

“Okay, let’s just put an end to that right now. Brittany, okay?”

“Brittany. Fine. But seriously, you’ve been here like three hours and you already want me to gossip?”

“I know you live for it.” Brittany laughs a little. “So, tell me everything there is to know about Ms. Lopez.”

“You got me.” Kurt rolls his eyes at himself. “Thank God I finally have someone to talk to, I wait all month for my butler’s association meetings to just gab about everything.”

“I knew it! So, what’s her deal?”

“She’s trying to be this big-time producer, she’s like, insanely jealous of Lin Manuel Miranda, you can’t even bring him up around her, she’ll go absolutely apeshit.”

“But Ms. Berry—”

“Yeah, she does it all the time, I think she thinks it motivates her, which, honestly, it probably does. But basically, they’re always having these investors fall through every time they think they’re going to have this big hit. They passed on Dear Evan Hansen, so, there’s that.”

“And Ms. Berry? Are they like…together?”

“Oh my God, disgusting.” Kurt feigns a gag. “But actually, Ms. Berry wishes. She follows Ms. Lopez around like a little puppy dog and is basically ready to throw herself in her arms at any given second. It’s so gross to watch, but it’s like a car wreck, I can’t look away.”

“And what about the kids’ dad?”

“Mama, actually. Do you have like no gaydar? I could sense you were one of us from a mile away.”

“Hey…I’m bi.” Brittany crosses her arms over her chest.

“Still one of us. And she died two years ago, she was hit by a car and it destroyed Ms. Lopez. Miss Abigail was only three, she doesn’t remember her at all and Mr. Tyler was four so he has a few memories. Miss Valerie is still angry.”

“I can see that. She has barely said two words to me.”

“She doesn’t want to get attached, you don’t even know how many nannies we’ve gone through around here.”

“So why did Ms. Lopez decide to hire me anyway?”

“Desperation?” Kurt chuckles. “And also, I may have planted the seed in her head.”

“Why?”

“Because you looked like a kicked puppy when you showed up here. So now that I’ve told you about her, what’s your deal.”

“I mean, I got dumped and fired on the same day…by the same person, so that’s pretty much how I ended up here. The only thing I know about kids is from hanging out with my little cousins, my mom is desperate for me to get married, that’s about it.”

“Hmm.” Kurt looks off into the distance and Brittany furrows her brow.

“What?”

“Huh? No, nothing, I was just thinking about something.”

“C’mon, you have to tell me!”

“You’ll find out in due time, I just know it.”

#the nanny #brittana