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extremelyblackandwhite · 10 months

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pairing: dad!bucky barnes x au pair!reader

warnings: age gap (reader is 10 years younger than bucky), smut (18+, dni if under 18)

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'cause when emma falls in love, she's in it for keeps she won't walk away unless she knows she absolutely has to leave

Y/N knew she shouldn’t care if Bucky wanted to introduce Sadie to her mother or not - after all, she had better and more important things to do such as trying to fix her apparently “unfixable” thesis. Nevertheless, she was worried. Sadie wasn’t her daughter but she cared for her and she couldn’t imagine how confusing things may be in her head, how she could cope with the question of why her mother was only appearing now. Yet again, as Bucky had made it abundantly clear, it wasn’t her place to give an opinion. So, she put it in the back of her head and focused on fixing the unfixable.

Maybe she hadn’t been clear enough. After all, she tended to go round and round to try to make a point and was know to get lost in narration. Or maybe she hadn’t used enough thousand dollar words, after all, she was at Columbia, a prestigious university, they required those thousand dollar words. Maybe she hadn’t put in the best references or ... or maybe her whole theory was just bullshit and she was about to become a street psychologist. So long dreams of being part of the academic board of a good university.

She sighed, burying her hands in her hair as she continued to re-read her thesis from the fake brightness of her laptop which was close to dying from the amount of times she had destroyed the battery with the continuous plugging and unplugging. Just as she was about to start crying due to pure desperation - not a first as a PhD student - her phone started buzzing against her pocket. Everyone in the library turned to stare at her, giving her gazes and side eyes which she couldn’t stand and followed by a string of mumbled apologies and hitting her hip against the table on the way out, she found herself a secluded place in the garden outside the library to pick up the phone.

- Stan? - she thought to herself as she answered the phone, holding her laptop and things on the other hand. - Hello?

- Miss? - his voice came from the other end of the call. - I am so sorry to be bothering you.

- That’s alright. Is everything ok? Is James okay?

- I think so, I’m not sure. Sadie is asking for you and I know it’s your day off but she’s insistent.

- Okay. - she sighed. There was no point putting another hour towards the 5 she’d already spent. Actually, if she spent another hour trying to decipher what was wrong with it, she may actually go insane. - Send me an address and I’ll be there.

Had Sadie gotten into trouble at school? Had Bucky gotten into trouble himself? She tended to lean towards the latter as Stan sent him an address to a law firm. Maybe they were meeting Anna there and Sadie was making a fit. She didn’t seem too keen on meeting her mother this morning and while Y/N believed she shouldn’t be forced to do so, if Sadie needed her then she was gonna be there. She got a taxi to the address, making a mental memo to charge Bucky for it as there was no way in hell she was going to pay for a taxi at midday in New York. She soon was dropped in front of a law firm, staring at the big glass doors for a while before Stan called for her attention from the car.

- What happened? - she asked as she got inside the car, Sadie immediately making a grabbing motion towards her.

- Daddy is sad. - she said as Y/N undid her seat belt to put her on her lap.

- She didn’t show. - Stan mumbled from the driver’s seat and Y/N didn’t know what to feel.

Part of her had to admit she thought it may happen, after all no one makes a complicated decision that fast and actually sticks with it. Not one as hard as meeting one’s estranged daughter at least. She had told Bucky just that and he chose not to listen and while her ego would like to say she’d told him so, truth was her heart was clenching at the mere idea of it. Sure she knew she was probably in the right but she wished she wasn’t. She wished Sadie’s mum had come despite Sadie’s objections. She couldn’t even fantom what Sadie was thinking or feeling at the moment. She didn’t think she would tell her either. She was too young to be able to articulate what it felt like and, maybe, too young the understand the situation in its entirety. She hoped the latter was true but she knew how observant children were.

- You’re okay, baby? - she caressed her face, moving her ginger hair away from her face. She didn’t looked to bothered, holding her Bingo toy against her chest. - Hm? Just squeeze my hand if you’re ok, yeah?

Sadie looked at her for a few seconds before squeezing her hand and leaning her head against her chest. She sighed, relief slightly taking over her worry which was quickly replaced by anger as she watched Bucky make his way to the door. She got out of the car angrily, holding Sadie against her chest like a wounded mother bear ready to claw anyone. How dare he? How dare he screw up like this and then just leave Sadie in the car with the driver? Was he insane?

Her blood boiled and she was ready to shout something that was sure to get her fired, but something stopped her. His eyes were rimmed red and he looked on the verge of crying, strongly holding it to continue showing his unbothered nature. The clothes which were always perfectly ironed and tucked were untucked and the tie which always sat well against his neck, tied to perfection, was loose and hanging from the side. For a split second, she wanted to comfort him, she wanted to cup his face, dry his tears and hold him as close as she was holding his daughter. For a split second, she wanted to tell him she understood where he was coming from, that the pain he was feeling wasn’t a punishment for his actions. But that was only a split second, he’d made it perfectly clear where they stood - she was his employee and he was the boss.

- You’re here.

- She needed me.

She needed her and Bucky needed her, he needed her badly. However, she merely got back into the car, buckling Sadie’s seat belt and turning her face away from his. Silence filled the car and Bucky swore that in all his years of running a company, of his years in the army, he’d never heard a silence quite this loud.

(...)

It was clear she wasn’t speaking to him. The drive back home was unbearable and even as they got back home, she continued as if he wasn’t there, instead devoting all her time to looking after Sadie from bathing her and feeding her. Bucky merely stood back, an observer in his own house. He wanted to be angry, he so much wanted to go and tell her he didn’t deserve this treatment, that she no place being angry. Except she did, and Bucky knew this. He knew she was perhaps waiting an apology but he’d been in his right as well. Sadie was his daughter, decisions regarding her first came to him. She didn’t make those for him. He made them and he didn’t care if she liked it or not.

At least he thought so. Truth was, he found himself outside his daughter’s bedroom, waiting for Y/N to be finished reading all her stories. She would have to eventually talk to him but if she wanted to be a brat, he could deal with it. At least he had ideas of how to deal with it, ideas which he probably couldn’t put to fruition - unprofessional ideas.

- Is she down yet? - he asked as she stepped out of the bedroom.

Y/N looked at him up and down as if he were nothing but a maggot, before shrugging and walking off to her bedroom. It made both his heart break and his blood boil. What did she even have to be mad about? She should be happy about being right. Yet, right now he had to look after Sadie. Opening her bedroom door, he found his two year old tucked into her sheets, Bluey playing lowly from the TV in her bedroom which was often turned off. He took a seat on the side of the mattress, leaning his arm over the bed rest.

- Are you okay, Sadie? - the two year old didn’t reply, too invested on the hijinks of Bluey. - I’m so sorry that you had to go through that, Sisi. I didn’t want it to go like that.

How does someone even explain to a two year old what had just happened? He could barely explain it to himself more less to Sadie who only saw things still in black and white. Y/N had said so herself, she understands who shows up and who doesn’t, not the nuances behind it. His lips pursed in a tense line as he moved a bit closer to his daughter.

- I love you, Sadie. - he kissed the top of her head. - So so much.

She cuddled next to her dad, her shining eyes which mirrored his, a permanent reminder she was part of him, looking at the low almost soothing sound coming from the TV. Bucky was sure he couldn’t do anything purer than her, anything better than her. She was his little miracle.

(...)

Y/N was still angry at him. She acted as if he didn’t exist, continuing on with her life as if he was merely a spectre she didn’t care much for. He had tried to make things better, sending her flowers and chocolates only to find them all delivered right back to him. She didn’t even complain when he purposely only sent her pay check a day late, instead finding an angry e-mail from her written in the most professional writing he’d ever witnessed. She wasn’t budging, stubborn as ever.

- Good evening, Y/N. - he said as he saw her the first time today, busy cleaning up the dishes from her and Sadie’s dinner. - Your hair looks different, you did something to it?

She rolled her eyes, turning the tap and putting on the bright pink gloves he always poked fun of. He had to give it to her, she would’ve been great in the army with that poker face.

- I have a charity dinner tomorrow and my mum’s watching over Sadie. I was thinking maybe you’d like to go as my plus one. A lot of Columbia alumni and staff tend to go, it’d be a great opportunity for you.

- No, thank you.

- You’d be doing me a favour if you went.

- Then definitely no. Thank you, Sergeant Barnes.

- What if I pay you?

- I am your daughter’s au pair, not your escort neither do I wish to become one. So once again, no thank you.

- Just let me do this for you. - he sighed, going after her as she continued with her nightly tasks. - Please. You were really great with Sadie when Anna didn’t show up and those people at that charity dinner can get you a job or something published in a good journal. I’m trying to repay you.

- I don’t need charity to know my value, Sergeant Barnes, neither do I need you to pay me back for doing a good job with your daughter as that is part of my job description.

- Just how many jobs do you think are in academia? In New York or a good college that can actually pay you a liveable wage? Or enough of a wage to even rent here?

- I’ll figure out a way.

- I’m trying to offer you a way to prove your value to someone face to face and not by a CV which will lay dormant on someone’s desk. You don’t even have to speak to me the whole night.

- Yes because what picture perfect that would be. Your plus one not talking to you, then they’d definitely think you picked the lowest price escort.

- I don’t need escorts. I can ask anyone in my office and they’d say yes. Being in my favour pays off either you like it or not and I know people at Columbia, Harvard, Yale and all those Ivys because I donate there.

- So does every rich person to get their kid in there someday.

- Point is, everyone will listen to you, to your opinions, if you go. It’s not an even playing field and you, cynical as you are, should know.

- I am not cynical, I am a realist. I’m sorry if I don’t believe that great things happen to good people.

- And what are you gonna do tonight, then? You gonna re-read your thesis for the 500th time? You don’t particularly have an active social life.

She crossed her arms, glaring at him. She really didn’t want to be next to Bucky, neither did she want to forgive him. She needed time to work through her anger and come face to face with the fact that someone who she thought was her friend threatened her job so easily. She knew Bucky was a hard pill to swallow, but she’d never had it directly thrown at her. Yet again, he did present a good bargain and she needed to figure out something if she failed her viva.

- What time is it?

- Starts at 9 but we leave at 8.

- Dress code?

- Black tie.

- What colour bow tie are you wearing?

- Why does it matter?

- It’s customary for someone’s plus one outfit to match but you’d know that if you actually took someone to these things.

- It’s black. Do you need to buy a dress?

- I have a dress.

- It was great negotiating with you, Y/N. - he winked, leaving victorious.

- Fucker. - she mumbled to herself and returned to doing the dishes.

(...)

Y/N knew this wasn’t Bucky being charitable. Not that he wasn’t charitable, he was, but he was also a master manipulator and usually did things with a purpose. He’d been educated in that manner, he knew how to behave and how to get people to like him, even though he didn’t particularly care if they did or not. For Bucky, it was all about the ability to do so. She knew this whole dinner invite was a ploy to try and soften her up but if he thought he would slip by without even a sorry, he was dead wrong.

Yet again, Y/N knew when to grab an opportunity so she did was she did best, look her best with the little she had. She had a black dress she’d worn for her graduation and with a bit of help from youtube she’d managed to slick her hair back in a bun, gold hoop earrings being the only thing that adorned her jewellery wise and Bucky swore he’d never seen such display of elegance as he saw her for the first time. Her dress cut was low, displaying the top of her cleavage and her collarbones which were sure to have been dusted with some sort of illuminating powder. She looked exactly like the type of person who’d sit next to a powerful one, equally magnetic and miles away from the cardigans she usually wore, sometimes stained with pen and markers due to Sadie getting to them. He almost forgot she was mad at him, gawking at her like a teenage boy.

- It’s 8. - she reminded him, effectively bursting him out of his bubble. - Are we leaving or not?

- Don’t be icy. - he offered her his arm but she refused, instead holding onto her heart shaped white clutch. - Car’s downstairs, you sure you don’t need help wearing those heels?

- I can walk in heels perfectly fine, Sergeant Barnes. Do you need help?

- I feel there’s an old man joke in there somewhere. - he helped her put on her coat, a tiny white chiffon bolero. - Shall we?

He wasn’t getting any close to her being any less detached from him, but he couldn’t help but admire her. She was a beautiful woman, that he knew, and she was definitely magnetic although she’d prefer to hide it. Yet, there was something about the way she looked tonight, so confident.

- You do look beautiful, Y/N. - he broke the silence that had been filling the car for the past ten minutes and for the first time in weeks, she finally looked him in the eye, a light dusting of heat covering her cheeks. - You do.

- You don’t look bad yourself. Except for the crooked tie.

- My tie is not crooked. - he fought back.

- Yes it is. - she turned her body to face him, her hands moving to undo his tie before she started to re-do it again. It was such a small action, such a simple and almost worthless action yet it reminded Bucky of some hopeless romantic notions he used to have. It was so simple, such a soft touch. - You can’t tie a tie to save your life. You never did.

- You’d been letting me walk around with crooked ties and you didn’t say anything? That’s cold, Y/N.

- That’s why you can’t braid Sadie’s hair to save your life.

- What are you talking about? She loves it when I braid her hair.

- If that’s what helps you sleep at night. - she smirked. - Do they have good food?

- Pardon?

- Do they have good food at the charity ball or is this an entree and champagne sort of event?

- Why? Are you hungry? Want us to drive by Five Guys and get you a burger or something?

- I know you’re joking but I actually would like that very much.

- They will be serving dinner at the charity dinner, Y/N.

- Won’t be as good as a Five Guys burger.

- Wouldn’t know.

- What do you mean you wouldn’t know?

- I’ve never had one. Not a fast food kinda guy.

- Urgh, you’re such a man. - she rolled her eyes in a playful manner. - Tell you what, after this is done I’ll buy you a Five Guys burger.

Bucky left the conversation there, happy to have gotten some smiles and smirks from her. At least he knew there was a chance for reconciliation whenever the time came for him to massively screw up in a way which made her forget the events which had made her mad currently.

He liked her company, she was never trying to suck up to him or sweet talk him into bed. She just talked to him as if he were anybody else on the street, as if he were someone she’d known forever, not caring for formalities or conduct. However, she knew how to be the right one for this kind of event. Bucky found that immediately as they walked in and he introduced her. Everyone was enchanted by her, complimenting her and questioning more and more about what she did. She hid from most of it, replying politely yet refusing to share more than surface level information but even so, Bucky had to admit she even managed to steal the spotlight for a bit, while she had to admit she wasn’t hating this as much as she expected to hate it. At least as long as he stuck by her side. His touch on her naked shoulder as he helped her take off her jacket, his hand resting against her hip as he introduced her to CEOs and CFOs as if she were more than just the nanny. It lulled her almost in a fantasy like state.

- Y/N, this is Delia. She works at marketing down at Saks.

- You didn’t tell me you were bringing a date, Barnes. - she smiled. - I wouldn’t have bothered coming if you were bringing a date.

- Y/N’s my plus one. - Bucky said. He wasn’t wrong, she said she’d be his plus one, but did he have to say it so fast.

- You’re still trying to impress her then. - she playfully put her hand on his arm making Y/N uncomfortable. She clearly wasn’t meant to be in the middle of whatever this is. She didn’t want to be in the middle of whatever this is. - You know, he can be very ... persuasive.

- Will you excuse me?

She made her way away from the two who were more interested in each other, at least as she saw it. She knew Bucky was a bit of a ladies’ man but it didn’t mean she wanted to experience it, or see it for any matter. It always made her somewhat uncomfortable, like her heart stopped for a second. Instead she just leaned against a wall, watching as the people walked by and stopped to chat to each other. When she was little, this was exactly what she expected these sort of events to be like - beautiful women and handsome men just walking hand in hand in expensive clothing, talking of the world and its affairs. She just never expected to be looking at it, instead of being part of it. Not that she wanted it, at least that’s what she told herself as she nursed a glass of expensive champagne. It was as if a dark cloud descended upon her as she watched from the outside, doing the best of her ability not to look at Bucky still in high talks with Delia. Why he bothered with Anna when he could easily find anyone else was beyond her.

- I thought it was you, Miss Y/N.

- Professor Anderson. - she straightened her back as if her mother had scolded her. - How was your holiday?

- It was great yet here I am back to work with a load of work on my desk. Yours being one of them. I have to say, I am very excited to see what you came up with.

- I wouldn’t be too keen. My other supervisor doesn’t seem to have taken a big interest but I’m working on another version. Making it a bit more succinct, easier to digest.

- But that has never been your forte, has it Miss Y/N? - she wasn’t sure if it was a compliment or an insult, either way it was a correct observation, so she merely smiled nervously. Supervisors didn’t tend to disagree to a degree where she could just relax and not consider another year of expenses.

- Well, thank you for taking the time in advance.

- It’s what I work for. Bright people, new ideas. - she slightly raised her glass in a cheering manner. - Actually, I must introduce you to someone.

- It’s really not necessary. - last thing she wanted was to make a fool of herself in front of someone important or see Bucky yet in another flirtatious conversation. His sex habits didn’t really interest her ... not right now, at least.

- Mr. Davis. - she approached a man who had equally found solace in the quietness of a corner. - May I introduce you to my PhD student, Miss Y/N?

- It’s nice to put a name to a face. - he extended his hand towards hers, smiling with an ease that made him look as if he had come straight of a fairytale book.

- Mr. Davis graduated top of his masters’ class in Psychology just a few years before you started at Columbia. It is a shame he didn’t stick with us for graduate school.

- Alas, I wanted to experience the real world.

- I should leave you two to discuss things. I’m sure you’ll find you have much in common.

She felt nervous around this man. He was attractive, attractive in a way which usually made her believe he’d want nothing with her. Attractive men usually didn’t yet he was eyeing her as if he’d never seen nothing like her. Perhaps he’d discovered that her dress was bought at a TJ Maxx for 70% the original asking price or maybe he’d noticed a scuff on her shoes.

- I saw you come in with Sergeant Barnes, I was hoping he’d introduce you.

- You know Sergeant Barnes?

- I work for him. - the poor thing. - Marketing division.

- What is a psychology graduate doing working in the marketing division?

- I believe you should understand your customer before you try to sell them anything.

- What? Like the colour pink makes people believe things are sweeter?

- You can’t sell someone something by portraying it as a fantasy. People turn against it eventually. - he quipped. - But you’d know that, considering you’re every males’ fantasy right now and every woman has made you the enemy.

- I hardly believe that’s true.

- You walked in by the side of New York’s most eligible bachelor, I’d say that’s true. Yet again, who can blame him? Smart and beautiful? I too would be parading you by my side.

- Would you?

- Actually, if you were my date I would’ve kept you home. God knows the things these men would actually do to get your attention.

- Like being a psychology graduate? - she smirked. - Sergeant Barnes is my boss. I look after his daughter Sadie. Helps pay for graduate school and it’s a rent free place to live. Besides, Sadie is just the most adorable girl I’ve ever seen.

- You mean to tell me I’m the first one to know that you are available?

- I wouldn’t say I’m available. Maybe just browsing.

- I do work in marketing, beautiful. I can sell myself pretty well, if you’d ask me.

- Huh, and how would you do that?

- You’re a Columbia student. I could maybe take you to the riverside park, we’d go on a walk, I’d woe you with my distaste of Freud’s theories and methods, and then we’d finish with a picnic.

- Maybe I like Freud’s theories, have you considered that?

- Nonsense, no smart woman would.

- I’m free Sunday night.

- So am I.

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