#bc like i'm already struggling so much but. it's more Life and personal stuff while if anything

[sensazioneultra]

every day i thank heaven that i like my job

#or i'd literally be in unspeakable places* #(*the psychiatric ward) #bc like i'm already struggling so much but. it's more Life and personal stuff while if anything #going to work is a break from all the depression etc etc #ik that sounds insane okay i let capitalism win etc etc lol yeah i do rly like my job it's such a blessing and privilege #like it's tiring as anyone near me lately has heard me say it is #especially lately bc like i haven't had a proper holiday since starting this job (and even before lol) in may so u know. im tired #and sometimes it really is a lot like lately it's been stressful ngl #but. idk. i always do like doing it at the end of the day like as i leave our office w my coworkers im like im so glad it's done bc #im so tired. but im gonna be ready to come back tmrw and deal w this godforsaken client again!!!! #idk why im writing this here instead of like. resting my eyes bc theyre soooo fucking tired after all the data entry checking 😵‍💫 #but yeah whatever i like my job and im so glad i do bc life is hard enough already #i dont need to hate my job on top of everything else #btw going on vacation at the end of this week 🙏 #it's only 2 days + its w my family so DJVJBMSKBM praying they dont act up too much #but it's still a vacation at the end of the day like. a break from the usual routine a different place and hopefully i can rest #enough oversharing i think i need to forereal rest my eyes 😭😭

[zillychu]

woke up from a dead sleep last night realizing I could make soroku flavored pitch pearl and no one could stop me

edit: you know what? I'm feral and I won't apologize. more under the cut bc this is my house

I slammed this out all at once so I apologize for the quality but I'm having EMOTIONS

so imagine. bc of the way Danny was quickly resuscitated, his ghost only barely started forming. With the excess blast of ectoplasm from the portal being created, that little whisp was given form even after Danny's soul returned to his body.

except this ghost (Phantom) slowly comes into consciousness while trapped in Danny's body. they're separate entities sharing one body, but Phantom doesn't really have a sense of self right away. he pieces together vague fragments of Danny's memory to get a basic understanding of the world, and is mostly just observing like a backseat passenger.

Phantom starts reflexively protecting Danny, his powers and instincts bleeding through when his emotions are high. Danny doesn't really transform, and his personality doesn't totally shift that much at first because Phantom’s mind isn't complex yet. but as time goes on, and Danny has tense conversations with ghosts, Phantom realizes that's what he is. he's a ghost, somehow trapped in his old body. and even now, this early on, he already feels separate. he doesn't have all the memories Danny has.

this slowly turns into horror. into rage. sorrow, mourning a life he never got and will never get to have. forever trapped behind the eyes of someone else, never able to interact with the world. Phantom's rage eventually boils over until it allows him short bursts of taking over Danny's body. it starts out small–a stray hand moving without his consent, knees locking up, ghost abilities going awry. Danny can start feeling emotions that don't belong to him. get vague impressions, almost hears a voice inside him.

and eventually, Phantom is able to fully take over. this is when Danny “transforms". at first, Danny blacks out because his consciousness isn't used to being shoved into the back seat. but eventually, he's awake for these “episodes", trapped in the back of his mind while Phantom controls his body. this only happens when ghost stuff is happening, when Phantom feels threatened enough. he's not protecting Danny, he's protecting himself. Phantom knows instinctively that if Danny dies, he dies too. he's not a normal ghost, he wouldn't be freed. he'd simply disappear.

at one point after a fight, Phantom can feel Danny struggling to take back control. and he talks to Danny for the first time, acknowledges he's there. asks how it's fair that Danny is the one that gets to exist. but Phantom is tired and weak, he slips back into the passenger seat.

over the next few days, he's able to start talking to Danny even while he's not driving. though he's not chatty, it's only when necessary. and Danny knows, can feel it across the link between them–Phantom hates him. the ghost he created is desperate to find a way to take over completely. and as time goes on, Danny realizes with horror that it might actually be possible for Phantom to do that. he grows stronger every day, can stay transformed longer, controls Danny's body with much more ease.

it's only through a chance meeting with Frostbite that Danny and Phantom fully learn what happened to them. Danny feels sympathetic towards Phantom now. this isn't a malevolent ghost, it's a person who was never given the chance to live. who's trapped. who has to watch someone else live a life they're just as deserving of.

and Phantom feels that emotion from Danny. is so shocked by it, he doesn't know how to handle it at first. it takes him a while to contemplate, to talk to other ghosts like Frostbite. until one day, Phantom realizes… he feels sympathy for Danny, too.

neither of them asked for this. both of them deserve to live. Danny didn't do anything wrong. they're both villains to each other's story. and if anything… doesn't Phantom owe his life to Danny in the first place?

Phantom takes over less often. Danny doesn't feel hatred from him anymore. anger, yes–but not aimed at him. in fact, Phantom starts controlling their body in little ways in order to protect Danny from things that aren't even dangerous. just to avoid pain that would only affect the human tethered to him.

it isn't long before they're separated, either thanks to another ghost or Danny's parents. they're thrown apart in the middle of a horrific fight, and when Danny sees Phantom's equally shocked expression, he's terrified.

this ghost that hated him for so long–at best, Phantom would leave him defenseless. at worst, surely some part of Phantom still wants to kill him for stealing away his chance for autonomy.

and yet, when fire rains down on them, Phantom risks it all to grab Danny and get them both to safety. they're still both shaken and stunned this is even happening, but Phantom is able to nervously be like shit shit shit okay stay here don't go anywhere or I can't protect you, okay?

after the fight is over and dust settles, Phantom offers Danny his hand. they stare at each other and god if this isn't the weirdest thing. like, uh, okay, what now? they decide to go see Frostbite, who confirms that they're fully separate now. they ask if there's any chance of merging again and Frostbite assures it's impossible.

Phantom asks, even if I overshadowed Danny? or stay real close? yes, it's nothing to worry about. they leave, and back in the quiet of Danny's room, they talk. Phantom isn't sure what to do. now that opportunity is in front of him, he feels paralyzed. Danny does his best to let Phantom know that… they might be separate now, but if he ever wants help or even just a friendly ear, he's here for him.

Phantom is quiet for a while. then says maybe he just needs to rest first. he'll think about it tomorrow. they're both exhausted and injured. Phantom asks quietly… if he could rest in Danny for the night.

Danny's shocked, and–really confused. Phantom blushes and is like I don't know what my haunt is yet, I don't know where to go, but I know… you're kind of my home. now that I know I can leave whenever I want, it's not something bad anymore. I miss feeling your heart next to my core, just a little bit.

and Danny is just as surprised when Phantom overshadows him, then quietly nestles into the passenger seat again. he didn't realize how he got used to feeling Phantom with him. it's a feedback loop of contentedness, and Danny sleeps easily. (they also find out while sharing a body, Danny gets to reap the benefits of Phantom's supernatural healing)

anyway that's all I got for now thank u for coming to my ted talk

#I'll be honest. it has interested me. I've read fics. I'm just more interested in other stuff for dp #but the prospect of pitch pearl 'enemies to friends also maybe they kiss about it' has me sweating nervously #the struggle and angst of defining yourself against your progenitor. the defiant sorrowful anger funneled into misplaced hatred #only to slowly realize your progenitor is a sweet person who didn't condemn you. they even fight for you to have your own agency #so once you finally have your own body you'll do anything to protect that person you've come to truly care about #and because you shared a body for so long. because you had the same origin. you know them as well as you know yourself #you're not incomplete but you still hold half of each other #HAHA WOW anyway I'm in danger :) #don't. don't look at me #should i even tag this. yeah okay #Danny Phantom #pitch pearl

[reasonsforhope]

Upcoming Blog Thing

So I'm currently in the process of making a sideblog-for-a-sideblog for Reasons for Hope.

The idea is to use it to post mostly links/info on direct action (how to's, petitions, official government calls for comment on proposed policies, protests, info about cool things other activists are doing, etc. etc.) that doesn't fit on a good news blog. Plus informational/awareness posts, and my own activism and thoughts and takes about things that sometimes really, really do not belong on a good news blog. Or that half belong on a good news blog and half really don't, and the like.

The idea is also to create an official "format" for submissions so that people can send in posts without me having to take the time/spoons to make new posts out of ppl's asks and dms (this takes sooo much time sometimes). Then, if successful, do a similar thing for submissions on Reasons for Hope, bc I do want to make posts about lots of things ppl send me, but it would be way too much to do myself all the time.

I'd still be verifying everything and applying editorial standards, in both cases. I actually already wrote up most of an editorial standards policy for the new sideblog, too. It would include verifying and listing the sources and dates for everything, at a minimum.

I've been thinking about going ahead and doing this for quite a while now, but I finally decided I needed to go for it because uh. I just found out about something absolutely, completely fucked up that happened to my grandparents (and a lot of other people). And while I am planning to get involved in organizing about it in real life around the relevant issues (or at least flyer the shit out of relevant neighborhoods), I really need to be able to use what platform I have to talk about this - along with other issues - so I have somewhere to channel my rage and grief into activism

(You will hear more about what happened when the sideblog goes up, if you want to see know. For now, let's just say that it's been a really intense 48 hours.)

Also you know I actually have a small-to-moderate platform here and that's a hell of a lot more ability to reach people than I tend to have in person, esp with ~life~ and ~working~ and my disability shit

So yeah, heads up you have that to look forward to (if you want to engage). And there will be unique tags to filter for people who want to see the links to actions and organizing info without seeing the info about fucked up stuff.

Because I am firmly of the opinion that people can and should be able to engage with that kind of content only where and when they feel up for it, if they want, and especially if they're really struggling with spiraling over the state of things.

Anyway, let me know in the notes if there's anything you would particularly like to see from the upcoming sideblog. (I make no promises but would value information on this!) And if you have any thoughts on what I should call it because I haven't been able to figure out something satisfying yet.

#not news #me #direct action #activism

[suzukiblu]

May I ask how you got people interested in your works? You have so many people who love your writing (rightfully so bc you're awesome) and I just want to find some people who like my writing like you did

ik that I should be writing for myself and everything, and for the most part I am! I write bc I like writing and it makes me happy! But it's just so so discouraging to see my little silly posts that take me 5 minutes to make do fantastic, meanwhile the works that take me weeks of effort get like 3 notes yk?

How do you do it? Did you ever deal with something similar? Any words of wisdom for the struggling noobs?

(This is a genuine question, I'm not trying to be rude in any way shape or form and I'm very sorry if it came off like that) (Also sorry to bother you)

You’re good, I’m not bothered by questions and I don’t think you’re asking anything rude either! I especially don’t mind the “please explain this thing I don’t know much about to me” type of questions, there’s just some shit you can’t effectively google or things that just make more sense coming from someone with direct experience. 

First and foremost: the two cakes meme is law!! No one will ever complain about getting two cakes, no matter if you think someone else already did it better! 

Second and second-most: as a newbie, before you read any of my advice at all, remember that you're currently comparing yourself to someone who’s been writing fic for their entire writing experience and has also been in fandom on and off for pretty much all of that time on multiple sites and through at least a couple major migrations of fandom hubs, and that time has been about twenty-five years now. Like, it has very much been a long-term process, me learning how to find a receptive audience for my stuff. Also I am a grown-ass adult who is currently pushing forty and am pretty self-aware of who I am as a person due to a WHOLE lot of personal introspection and therapy and general life experience. Like, I know how I work at this point in my life, if nothing else.

The long-form answer of my personal fandom process will definitely require a cut at this point, though, haha. Like, this got kind of involved, ngl, but since you’re asking I figure it’s reasonable to go into detail.

So anyway, the “how to find your audience” answer is obviously gonna be different for everybody, but PERSONALLY, I've been in fandom for a long-ass time and just about always been pretty prolific and consistently communicative and available during the times I was around. I have a ton of different fandoms and fics in my history and have run into a lot of different people and written a lot of different things over the years, so I've cast a pretty wide net of options for people to find me through. I've got readers who've followed me through multiple fandoms and even deliberately gotten into new ones because of me just because they like how I write and know me well enough from my other writing to trust that I’ll be respectful of certain things (or at least put in a good-faith effort to be). Your kink is not my kink, but I’m not gonna hate on it; your thing is not my thing, but you have fun over there, you DO your thing!

Being prolific is super-helpful, of course, because that gets people in the habit of checking in on you regularly and keeps you fresh in their minds, but one of the most effective ways I’ve gotten people long-term interested in my work is by being very responsive to readers and very open about what I’m currently working on. Taking requests has helped, asking who wants to see more of what has helped, talking to people in general has helped, and definitely playing “yes, and?” with ideas I’ve been offered has helped. Also I had the benefit of LiveJournal being one of my main fandom hubs for a while, where I met a lot of people and got in the habit of talking to them in a way Tumblr does not necessarily intuitively facilitate, so that’s just a habit for me. 

I definitely still produce stuff that comparatively flops and get bummed about it, it’s just a thing I’ve gotten used to over the years and so I either kill my darlings and move on to the next thing or I decide “naw, I’m still into this idea, I’mma work on it more anyway”. That’s obviously much easier when at least a couple other people are also into said idea, but still, it’s a thing you just gotta decide for yourself either way. Like I’ve DEFINITELY had stuff I slaved over get just about totally ignored while things I only tossed up on a whim off the top of my head or just intended as jokes people adored and resonated with way more, which is part of why I do so many WIP memes where I’m drip-feeding bits and pieces of content more regularly. One of my recent fics didn’t get near as much of a reception or interest on AO3 as I’d hoped it would, but when I was writing it on Tumblr people DID get excited for and enjoy it during the process, so that helped soothe that particular indignity/frustration for me.

Also, I’ve gotten enough people invested in my writing at this point that it’s much easier for me than it is for some writers, because I can do things like ask “hey what do you guys like/want to see more of?” and I’ll pretty much always get an answer, simply because so many people are in the habit of regularly checking on my blog and talking to me now. Polls are very helpful that way too, because it’s a functionally anonymous way for shyer people or people who are just casually scrolling their dash to give you an idea of what they’re enjoying from you without having to disrupt their flow or psych themselves up or anything like that. Like, it’s low-pressure, you know? I have done a LOT of polls since I found out Tumblr has those now.

I also constantly encourage people to both talk to me about and also play with my interpretations and AUs as they so please, and I deliberately cultivate responsive relationships with as many readers as I can. I don’t always have the spoons to answer every ask, but I always try to answer the majority of them and try not to ignore questions. A significant chunk of people have told me that they read tropes and AUs from me that they hate from other writers because they just trust that I’ll write it in a way that they can enjoy. I will include certain things and a certain level of respect that they just would not be comfortable without, and if I don’t have those things in there or there’s a common trigger, I’ll at least have done my best to tag for it. And I listen to people who tell me when I’m fucking up and I either take reasonable accommodations or change my behavior where appropriate. I tag for common triggers, I don’t use terms I’ve been told are insults or slurs, I try not to associate negative connotations with physical characteristics or things people can’t change about themselves, and when I have a reflexive “squick” reaction, I try not to assume shit and try to examine my biases. Or I just back-button and move on, if it comes to it. I also do my best to assume the best of people until they prove that I should not be. I am very much going to de-escalate when and wherever I can. 

I generally consider myself a low-drama blog and a low-drama person to follow, and put in effort to be that as best I can, and at this point I think (or at least hope) people feel relatively confident that they can talk to me without having to worry about immediately getting their head bitten off, which seems to be an increasing fear/concern that some people have in fandom. Therefore, I get people talking to me pretty regularly, because I’ve gone to the effort to be as approachable as I know how to make myself.

Also, yeah: above all else, write what you wanna write! Write your weird and niche dreams! Trust me, somebody out there LOVES your weird and niche dreams and wants all the deets on ‘em. I get the most engagement and interest when I just write what I really wanna see and don’t particularly worry about how goddamn weird I think I’m being. People are actually gonna be EXCITED about how goddamn weird I think I’m being, because a lot of them want it too and they’re not finding it as easily as a lot of the more popular stuff. 

So like . . . hope at least some of that was helpful, feel free to ask follow-up questions if you have any, hah.

#anonymous #rintalk

[ironladders]

so i had a thought about ashrah and syzoth and i really dont know how to feel about it so i want your input. and keep in mind i am still new to MK lore and dont understand the ins and outs of it like most other people do. but i read that in past timelines at least, demons of the netherrealm were dead bodies reanimated by quan chi. so i was wondering, how do you feel about the idea of ashrah having been syzoths wife in her past life, probably unbeknownst to her. does it make sense, the implications of it, etc.

hi sorry i was in figure drawing when i got this ask & that class lasts 6 hours 🫠 art school was a mistake

anyways: this is so good and yet evil oh my god??????? it probably wouldn't work in canon unless stuff got retconned, but the implications here are so interesting to me regardless and you could do so much stuff character-wise (especially for ashrah) with this concept.....

first off, don't worry about not knowing extensive details about mk lore. it's bound to be confusing for someone new to the franchise, and even then plenty of us who've been here for a while don't entirely know what's going on either. i had to look up half the shit i mention in this post just to make sure i'm not off by a bunch

syzoth would have the biggest mental breakdown ever if this were a thing. poor guy can't catch a break

this would be a lot for ashrah, if she were to find out or otherwise put the pieces together. i mean, her whole thing is wanting to be fully human, and yet in this idea, she's not aware that she once already was human. that would be absolutely wild and 100% turn her entire world upside-down if she were to ever find out that truth.

the angst in this idea would go crazy. I LOVE IT. i think that syzoth would be reluctant to get close in any way with ashrah (at least initially) because, even if he doesn't know about how some demons are dead people brought back to life, ashrah physically resembling + sounding like his dead wife would mess with his head SO much.

poor ashrah, too; she's trying to learn what it means to be human and make friends with all these new people, and everyone in the good-guys group seems to be willing to be open with her--except for syzoth. and she has zero clue why. of course, because of their similar pasts and common struggles, they'd probably be drawn to each other anyways, but it'd be 10x more depressing than in canon

i imagine in this concept, shang killed her and then gave her corpse to quan chi. i don't think shang tsung would've given syzoth's family the dignity of dying in the living forest, tbh, i personally believe he dragged them off somewhere far away to die (which is also how i imagine syzoth went so long without knowing they were dead in the first place. easier to keep him in the dark about his family's fate if he's not aware of where they are). alternatively, ashrah could be put in a similar boat to old-timeline hanzo, who was a vengeful spirit of the netherrealm after being killed by bi-han, and then continuously manipulated by quan chi. i guess she would have to be somehow turned from a spectre to a demon, but i'm sure they can figure it out with magic lmfao

you're sort of right about the reanimated/reincarnation thing, it just doesn't apply to every type of demon. (more lore explanation under the cut bc i rambled a lot and it got a bit long oops) (if you read up on all this already and this information is useless to you i sincerely apologize in advance)

the lots of different demon types in mortal kombat: imps, oni, the enenera, cambions, and other miscellaneous ones. iirc there was also gonna be another class called "elder demons" (like elder gods but not really???? i guess???) in an older game but that was scrapped.

there’s technically a difference between the oni and other demons, because quan chi in the old timeline was an oni before he turned into a demon after mastering sorcery. so i guess oni are like… lower than demons??? or something?????? i’m not actually sure what the difference is between the two tbh 😓

we know that the enenra are created from the souls of slain mortals, so they'd be an example of an undead person coming back as a demon, as mentioned in this very sad scenario. the only enenra that we've actually met in canon is smoke, who was explained to be one after dying as a child via his mk9 ending

it's really fucked up lol, some cult kidnapped & sacrificed him when he just a kid

so that would be one example of how in this au/scenario/thing, ashrah could've had a human life once and not be aware of it. this tracks pretty well with mk9 smoke not remembering his previous life or death, until his early memories came back to him after so long.

the only issue is that smoke was reborn as an enenra right after he was killed, and after he took out his revenge on the cultists, he woke back up in his human body with no memories of his previous life. so i assume this would apply to any other enenra: they die, come back and do their thing, then go back to their original bodies right where they died with no memories of their old lives. they don't minecraft respawn in the netherrealm, which is where ashrah is from. but if pre-death ashrah in this au was dragged to the netherrealm and then killed, then brought back as a demon that's further manipulated by quan chi's dark magic, i guess it could work?????

(speaking of the enenra: in one of his mk1 intros with ashrah, smoke mentions dreaming of the enenra. so either tomas already died in this new timeline & just isn't aware of it, OR he's gonna kick the bucket soon and come back as an enenra. either way, we should probably prepare his funeral in advance lmfao).

there have also been demons that aren’t enenra, but are still dead people reincarnated by quan chi, as you mentioned. they're really obscure characters -- i had to look them up to make sure i wasn't making this up in my head lmfao -- but in the show mortal kombat: conquest there's siann, mika, and sora. they're undead corpses of the netherrealm that were brought back to life as demons via quan chi's magic

they lived they served cunt they died

from my understanding (i haven't watched mk:c, i just read their wiki page) they were basically being forced to work for quan chi otherwise he threatened take away their living forms, which sucks. also mika might have a crush on quan chi….. for some reason???

the difference between these three and the enenra, though, is that they seem to actually be aware that they're undead lol. but maybe that's just because quan chi keeps threatening them with being corpses again if they don't follow his orders (again, haven't watched mk:c). who knows! their wiki page isn’t that long and doesn’t give me much info so i don’t have much to go off of 🤷🏻‍♂️

ashrah in mk1 does have a canonical demon type; she mentions that her and her sisters are cambions in an intro with kitana, hence how sareena can seamlessly change between her human-ish and demon form. i don’t thiiiink cambions are “reborn”/undead the same way the enenra would be? in irl folklore “cambion” is used to refer to either a changeling — which makes sense given sareena — or a demon-human hybrid. i really doubt ashrah’s the latter, though, so i suppose she just... spawned into existence as a cambion one day. or maybe she has demon parents running around somewhere. idk bro

i guess what i’m trying to tie together here is that in the “ashrah is a reborn dead person but doesnt know it and unfortunately said dead person is syzoth’s dead wife” nightmare scenario you’ve presented to my inbox, it could go a few ways:

she’s an enenra

same situation as the mk:c girls

hanzo-esque situation (although he's not a demon so. idk)

the second one is probably more in line with what you're thinking of, except that unlike the mk:c girls, ashrah would be kept in the dark that she's a reanimated corpse of a human woman.

and, i said this earlier, but i'll say it again: this would be a wild twist for ashrah character-wise. imagine: she’s fighting for her absolution, fighting to be a human and rid herself of her demonic nature, and then it turns out all along that at one point, there was a time ashrah was human. she had a human life and appearance once, and it was all ripped from her one day and she had no idea. even if her previous life wasn’t related to syzoth or anyone else on the roster, that would still suck. but on the other hand, i think it would give her even more incentive to purify her soul & finally kill quan chi. she'd be hurt, angry, want vengeance for the human woman she once was. the woman that was wrongfully murdered for a sorcerer's selfish gains. the possibilities are endless!!!

i dunno what else to put here or how to end this off, but i've got so many thoughts now... oughh

#not art #ask #ashzoth #angelscales #ashrah #syzoth #iiii am too tired to tag the rest of the ppl mentioned here LOL

[eff-plays]

Not exactly a dadstarion truther either (mostly bc it took me a while to actually warm up to the idea and also hes NEVER having kids with my durge, only my tav (can you imagine this man parenting a Bhaalspawn? A dhampir Bhaalspawn?? Nonono.)) But I do find something a little compelling about the thought of this man who a) has had absolutely nothing of his own for as long as he can remember and b) sees himself as worthless and irreparably fucked up creating this tiny new person? Like, they're part of him, he made this precious little creature (with the person he already loves most)? This soft and innocent thing? (Which he would waffle awfully between wanting to keep innocent for as long as possible but also making sure they know about life's horrors so they can avoid them) Like sure the baby version is annoyingly loud and can't do anything and also gross and smells but he can teach the toddler to bite people. He is the absolute worst enabler, spoils the kid rotten. Teaches them to steal and pick locks and just lets them get away with murder. Parent #2 has to do all the actual parenting part cuz damn he's not doing the discipline thing at all.

Also the vain part of him likes looking at his kid and sort of seeing some of his face in them, since he can't use an actual mirror.

Well he'd be cured by the time he has the kid or soon after in my canon, so that last part wouldn't apply for me.

And yeah, when I say that I'm not a dadstarion truther I don't mean that I don't see it happening ever, but more that to me, that first step in itself is the one that I see as least likely.

Because I can accept that he would learn to love the kid, that he would care about it and spoil it. I can also accept (and would gladly explore) him having a complicated relationship with the kid, either early on in a postpartum depression sort of way, or further down the line in a "I can't find common ground with my teen/young adult" sort of way (or both lbr).

The problem, to me, is that I don't see Astarion going "let's have a kid!" I don't see him genuinely wanting one, and I don't see him finding any reason to lie about wanting one, and I don't see Hira believing any of those lies even if he does try. It's really the initial hurdle. The rest I'm happy to make as dysfunctional and weird as it would realistically be when a guy who shouldn't be a dad becomes a dad. One of the reasons I came up with Critter is because I find it compelling how much Astarion is not a dad guy, and how that would fuck up a person like Critter. That's juicy stuff. And also a way for me to work out my own daddy issues I guess lmao.

But getting that started? Actually inventing a reason for how Astarion would even agree to it? That's where I struggle. And that's why I'm torn. Cuz I do want to stay true to my own interpretation of a character, while also wanting to create a new character and put them both (and also Hira) in situations.

Like I'm happy for all the dadstarion peeps who have cool dhampir girlies running around on adventures and I'd love to join them, but I also think that if I were true to Astarion's characterization, that kid would have issues. Like maybe a lot of them.

#bg3 #i'm not in it for the squee of omg cute baby!! #i do not care about babies or kids in general it's not why i'm here #i have no parental instincts and do not personally plan to ever reproduce #nor am i in it for the nuclear faerûnian family fantasy #i'm in it for the 'my traumatized parents love me but couldn't help but traumatize me in small ways just by being themselves' #'cuz parents are also people and maybe they regret having me and maybe i made their lives worse' #'but they also can't imagine it without me because i'm part of them and they're part of me' #ya feel me??? #like yeah i imagine most of the kid's life is excellent and both parents love them v much #but having astarion as a parent would defo do things to your brain that maybe shouldn't be done #hira would be passable if paired with a normal person but they wouldn't tolerate anything but complete devotion to their child #(which astarion fundamentally can't provide imo) #which is also bad cuz bby ur shutting down all communication and compromise and making asty feel like shit #like it would be very dysfunctional for a long while until the kid was like older toddler-age maybe #until the point where astarion would realize there's a person in there and not just a weird crying shitting bag of meat that his partner #inexplicably values over him #once that realization hits him i think he'd do way better #but until then he's fucked

[charmedreincarnation]

Hi Charmᵕ̈,

I wanted to dm and ask but then thought more people could benefit from your answer so my question is...

How do you feel in your day to day life knowing something your peers don't? Or rather, having done something most people will die without ever experiencing (getting into the void and waking up somewhere completely different)

I'm just really curious what it must feel like! Seeing people struggle in day to day activities when you know, experientially, you could change your life just like that 🫰🏻; I'm imagining there must be a general ease with which you live now that wasn't there prior void?

PS. Your blog is lovely, thank you so much for all the involvement and the fact that you're still here to give advice 🕊🏹🤍💌

Hi bb ty for this ask, bc this is something I struggled with for a while. I used to feel so bad and it was so unhealthy for me. I felt like I was some beholding omnipotent being and I could help so many people and that was my job. But the truth is even if you spoke the law from the rooftops in every city and home , no one would care unless they had the will to.

1. I talk about the law to everyone who meets me tbh. It’s not a secret trust me. Maybe not the same way I talk to people here but everyone knows me as the manifesting astrology delulu girl. When people ask me how I have straight As without studying, I straight up tell them I manifest it. I tell people I use to practice driving while lucid dreaming and that’s how I overcame my fear. When people ask how I don’t have a job in college, but spend a lot, I tell them money always come into my account and it never hits 0, so I don’t worry about that. I straight up tell tell them how I write all my desires down and they come to life just because I say so. Most people either don’t care, don’t believe me, or assume i was just born privileged even if I explain I wasn’t.

2.you’re not special. And not the way you think. You are a special bright star, as a person and I love you of course, but you’re not special about knowing the law. Most people know about the law whether they know what it’s called or not. Some people even know about the law and still don’t care or apply it differently to their lives than now we do, and that’s okay.

3. Some people know the law and don’t care, simply because they don’t. Maybe they already like their life, maybe they don’t believe it, maybe they prefer to follow their religious practices. Idk but a lot of time I tell friends about the manifesting practice I’ve been using and it’s not like they make fun of me.. but they’re just not into that stuff like I am, and they don’t care. I will go on rambles about how we can have whatever we want in this life, and they’re just like “okay nice .. anyways I hate matthew so much” That’s okay! it doesn’t make you special or enlightened nor does it make them dull and ignorant. Just makes them, them, and you, you. We are god. If they wanted to utilize the law like you have, they would have already. Maybe not today or tomorrow, maybe in another life time, or maybe never idk but that’s not my reality or problem.

4.we as a community gotta drop the hero complex. Trust me I had to work through this in therapy. (Void/manifesting or not, therapy has benefited me in so many ways guys! Get therapy no matter how good your life is. If I were president therapy would be mandated for everyone that’s how hard I ride for it!) but anyways, you’re not going to save the world. Accept that now, it’ll save you the trouble, guilt, and doubt later. Just trust me I could elaborate all day but we all know it’s not realistic or mentally healthy for us. Btw anon this is a shot at myself. not you or anyone else who feels the same 💗

But thank you for your kind words. The point Is don’t compare yourself to other people or try to see your past self in them! It’s not healthy and most people given the chance won’t care or want your delulu advice. In fact most people will make fun of you, it’s just the life we’re in. But I believe the law finds.. well Moreso your will find whatever you need, given who you are. Which is even more of a reason to not give up. Not only did you find the law, you’re still here even with your trials and tribulations, even with the doubt and uncertainty you know it’s real, so that’s really the only thing you should take from the given situation you asked!

But yes life is on easy mode for the most part. But generally it feels the same because I keep myself fulfilled even here! Especially as a shifter it’s easy to feel more grounded here remembering it’s also a reality with amazing people, foods and things to explore. And I will make the most out of it otherwise what’s the point.

*also I use delulu as a positive adjective towards myself everyday. I have reclaimed it in a cute slay way. Being delulu has gotten me my dream life, so yea I’m gonna use that word happily contrary to societies perception of that world <3! Just clarifying bc I know how people get with that word

#law of assumption #manifesation #void state #manifesting #reality shifting #law of attraction

[cyronite]

hi cy!!!! 🎵 Tell me about 5 songs you actually listen to. Proceed and send this to 5 people 😌🎵

ZIP!! Hello my beloved friend. ❤️❤️ A lot of songs I listen to are in oc or fic playlists lol. Bc I listen to music a lot when writing or working on art. Also so sorry for rambling, I just really enjoy listening to music.

Glitter & Gold by Barns Courtney Love this song. I don't know how to describe it but it gives me such cowboy walking through life kinda vibes lol. It's in Ann's playlist because I think it suits her very well during the era of after order 66 and her being a bounty hunter while finding her Jedi path again. Always loved and listen to this song before Ann too, it just suits her well.

The Mystic by Adam Jensen I like this song a lot. The beat is awesome and very in your face. I love that about it. The song's about the singer's struggles while growing up and living in Boston. A very heart filled and powerful song with a catchy beat. It's also in Ann's playlist.

"i'm yours" by Isabel LaRosa This song is in my Ann & Boba playlist. So I listen to it a lot when writing and working on their fic. It gives such pinning vibes in general. But I like picturing Ann and Boba to it during their "we're a thing but also not" phase. Where they so obviously want each other and where their souls are already intertwined together beyond belief, but are still just crossing that boundary line of being something more. Wanting that deeper connection.

God Must Hate Me by Catie Turner As someone with religious trauma this song really hits it in the feels for me, and the singer just delivers it in such a beautiful and heart wrenching way. The song is about the singers insecurities and how they felt god hated them. I related to the song similarly but more in a queer and trans person with religious trauma way to be more specific, which is how I actually found it because it went around trans tiktok for a bit lol. I was actually Christian growing up. I'm not religious now. I'd consider myself atheist I think. I don't believe in an god or any spiritual being. I just kind of think we were a creation of the natural world and meant to be apart of its life cycle just like any other living creature. But of course even though I don't believe in god now, there's still that little girl in me who never understand why god couldn't make her normal like everyone else. And this song really hits those feelings in me deeply.

The Good Life by Three Days Grace I wasn't sure what song to pick by Three Days Grace because I listen to a lot of their music. I have pretty much all their CDS and have most of their stuff saved to my Spotify. They were one of my favourite bands growing up because there was never I song I disliked from them. Even when they switched singers. I still listen to a lot of their songs, both new and old.

#mailbox #sorry for being sad with the 4th one #:')

[healingheartdogs]

CW for ideation, just ranting a bit about psych stuff

When you tell your psychiatrist that you've never been so depressed in your life and have never struggled with ideation and wanting to self harm so much and you don't know if it's just because of your current life situation (poverty and the looming threat of homelessness is so fun) or if it's because of the meds you're on now (which have a black box warning for increase in suicidal thoughts and suicide risk) and instead of addressing either of those two very realistic possibilities she just asks if I'm expecting my period soon and when my last one was instead. I have PMDD but it's never been suicidal PMDD, and I'm on BC to manage it rn that stops me from having periods so it's not relevant anyway.

When I told her my BC stops my period so I don't have them she asked me if I was still tracking them to make sure it wasn't possibly PMDD... There's nothing to track lady, I DON'T HAVE THEM. And then she moved on to asking me how else the meds were making me feel and told me I should keep trying them for longer to see if they actually work because it can take up to two months to see benefits without ever going back to address the extreme depression and ideation. Like... dude the strattera clearly does not like my brain since it is making me extremely depressed, COULD YOU LISTEN TO ME PLEASE??? It also is not actually helping with any of my ADHD symptoms besides making my head a little bit quieter instead of constant random ping-ponging thoughts.

I told the nurse before my first visit with this psych that I was worried about seeing a new psychiatrist because my last one didn't listen to me and focused on irrelevant things that I would mention in passing a lot instead of what was actually important to me to deal with, and she told me this new psych is SUCH a good listener that she even talks to her about her problems a lot so she hopes I felt the same while seeing her. I can only conclude that this nurse must be mentally healthy because this lady does not listen any better than the last one and does the exact same shit, acting like all my problems are just because I don't sleep "normally" and focusing more on managing my anxiety (which is a symptom not its own problem and is already being managed fairly well by my beta blockers) and low self worth rather than solving the issues causing my anxiety and low self worth like my extreme executive dysfunction that makes me feel like I'm trapped in my unresponsive body and a useless POS all the time.

I s2g I am so over getting lectures on sleep hygiene and needing to "fix" my sleep schedule from doctors when I am not complaining about sleep at all just because they personally don't like my sleep habits. Yes, I have a sleep disorder. Yes, my sleep schedule frequently shifts because I'm not on a 24 hour cycle. NO, I do NOT have a problem with that and I do NOT struggle with getting to sleep, staying asleep, or getting enough sleep!!! STOP FOCUSING ON MY SLEEP!!!! THE UNMANAGED ADHD IS MUCH MORE SERIOUS!!! But my sleep schedule isn't "correct" for capitalism and working normal jobs so they prioritize that "issue" instead, even though I wouldn't be able to work even if it was normal because of my EXTREME ADHD and physical disability.

I hate healthcare in this country.

#tw suicidal ideation #suicidal ideation #tw self harm #self harm

[1d1195]

Hey Queen! You have done it again, constantly raising the bar for us all, and doing it flawlessly! I'd say I'm surprised but I know who you are!!

I HAVE FINALLY HAD TIME TO READ THE NEWEST PIECE AND YOU DID NOT DISAPPOINT!!! I’m so glad I caught up bc My life is hell rn and I am in the trenches lol but I’m fine lol

Anyways AHHHHHH IM VERRY EXCITED!!!! It’s so cute how they are meeting in such a mundane place and how he is just so grumpy on the outside and she over there just actually enjoying laundry! ALSO HE CALLED HER SUNSHINE!!?!? How cute honestly to give her a pet name so quickly and just mesmerized by her! And the fact that we got to read his little thoughts and how he’s like second guessing himself around a sweet girl omg 😩 I loved it and he was kinda funny ngl lol also he he so down bad for he already and I love it!

I genuinely can’t wait for more of them and learning about their characters!

Also sorry if this wasn’t the best feedback:( I’m just very excited!!!

OMG tell me about the trenches!!! I'm sorry you're going through it :( don't worry about reading or chatting with me; you and your mental health are so much more important than this silly little website.

This is more than enough feedback so don't feel bad about that either. I'm so glad you liked it, I feel like there are a few surprises in store for this one 😉💕

I am a very boring person so I imagine a lot of my little stories in the most mundane things. I would love to meet Harry while doing laundry (I *do* love laundry a lot). He is kinda funny! Sometimes I think I make him a little boring in my stories but I think Harry is actually hysterical (especially circa Narry interviews in like 2012/2013). But I also hear in other celebrities interviews and stuff that he's very shy and quiet and I think that's so adorable I could scream.

I am struggling with nicknames so I thought Sunshine was kinda lame and also on the nose since he's being so grumpy. I have a different nickname planned out for another story but we might just be going back to kitten, angel, love for now unless the story lends itself to a new nickname (like Miss Wildflower did, ya know?) ANYWAY

I hope things get a little better every minute for you and always feel free to vent if you need it! Thank you for sending a message but please don't feel obligated, especially if you have a lot going on 💕

xoxo

#💜 #you didn't put the emoji #but i'm assuming #if you're not you #just let me know and i'll take the tag away hehee #love and dryer sheets

[16-jarrah]

Hey Sinaya! Seeing you talk about BrBa and BCS has definitely intrigued for a good while now and I have been considering watching a few episodes to see if I like it. However, the topic of cancer is A Lot for me and I was wondering how deep that is entertwined with both shows. I know that's why Walter decides to start making meth, so does it fade in time or is it constantly mentioned? Thanks! (you can answer publicly if u want for other ppl to know what to expect I don't personally mind :>)

i can answer this a bit more easily with BCS. in BCS, it's hardly mentioned—really only once very late in the show, and not super touched upon. (in a more script analysis way i think it was just want to illustrate a connection from the character who has it to walter + to illustrate another major character's "humanity" with how they react to this information.)

in BRBA it's mainly used more as a narrative device. in earlier episodes of the show walter is shown getting his diagnosis, and then later episodes show him getting treatment (chemo), and there's some talks about/relating his cancer, but it's mostly used to be the ticking time bomb element to the story.

(less vague/more spoilery/detailed kind of explanation below the cut, but i'll try not to spoil anything irrelevant)

cancer is usually brought up in three main ways in the show in relation to walter: 1) as the actual condition he's diagnosed with, 2) as a driving/motivational force for him, and 3) as, to quote someone else, a device that puts him in imminent death.

i've already mentioned #1 but they don't go much in detail with this aspect, i think. if your concern is about the more medical side of the experience, walter gets his diagnosis, and after he decides to get chemo, there's a few doctors' appointments here and there and some moments of him getting his treatment. but nothing too detailed nor medical procedures-heavy imo. 'course i'm not the best person to ask how much it hits close to home since i've not had to deal with it myself, but from what i've seen other people say it's like. the usual stuff where they've clearly paid enough attention but it's still not really a serious deep dive into what living with cancer or someone with cancer is like. the most we see of walter's struggle with it is his coughing fits, and some moments during the earlier episodes when he starts taking his treatment. (some people have commented on how unrealistic his energy levels are.)

and it's because it's treated more of a narrative device, like i said. #2 and i guess #3 too are the basic premise of the show—walter mentions his cancer multiple times in terms of how he's realized he's probably gonna die soon and HAS to figure out a way to make sure he doesn't leave his family with nothing when he does. there's more of a talk about walter's morality here than the cancer itself. (idk where to put this extra info but i wanna add that walter's cancer is put into remission and he no longer has a life sentence hanging over his head, at least for the moment, it becomes a way to illustrate how much walter is being driven by forces other than his need to provide for his family. aka his ego and shit.)

another important thing i have to mention is the way they "moralize" cancer in the show. ofc in real life anyone can be diagnosed with it and it has no bearing on whether or not a person is "bad" and "deserves" it. the show mostly doesn't try to moralize cancer, either. the only times it might come off like it does is when other characters around walt are being negatively affected by him and wish for him to just die already, or wish for "the cancer to come back". i don't think we're meant to take this as the show's thesis statement about how cancer is a punishment or something, since these remarks were made by characters in stressful, emotionally heightened situations. i don't think it happens often enough outside of this context to be treated like a core theme of the show. morality, like i mentioned, maybe. but themes about terminal illness being a sort of karmic punishment? nah, not really.

i hope this is helpful and clear and not just word vomit!

#this is ok to rb in case someone else disagrees or wants to expand on what i said here #putting this in the brba tag also in case someone might wanna add their two cents #breaking bad #brba #cancer #op #asks #goldieclaws #not super helpful just me rambling but ive been thinking abt that last point i brought up for a while actually. #one of the posts i wanted to make after finishing brba was an analysis of if and possibly how the show treated walter's cancer in terms #of moralizing it but i never got around to it #but yeah i don't think they really do that. at least‚ it didn't come off like that to me.

[potatopossums]

my platonic polyamory

polyamory as an aroace is fuckin wild

(i say this as someone who fluctuates in and out of their ace label. some days I'm ace, other days I'm allo. it's confusing and wild and probably has a lot to do with medication rn. anyhow, i have a lot of empathy and personal understanding for each side of that spectrum.)

i made a post a while back that was something along the lines of "my version of polyamory is just holding hands w all my friends"

and like, yes

to expand upon that, bc that definition is still pretty loose, i think I'm coming to better terms with the word "platonic."

not every aro person is alloplatonic and i probably am alloplatonic but I'm also a recovering people pleaser and i think that contributed a ton to my struggle to feel close to friends (not the only struggle by a longshot but still)

somehow my closest friends have also been people who are neurodivergent, which says a lot for my own neurodivergency: an aspect i often overlook or forget bc i was diagnosed as an adult, so i spent forever framing my life that way, so ofc I'd forget i have ADHD and "oh that's why I do that!!!" happens a lot.

but like. back to "platonic."

i never understood platonic attraction when i first heard of it. i heard the term squish and was like "wut." i understood what it meant for other people and I respected that but i never ever felt like i had a friend crush on anyone. i had crushes that were aesthetic and sexual but never platonic that i was aware of. maybe i wanted platonic things to come along naturally but idk. i don't recall ever looking at someone and thinking "ah yes i want to be their friend so badly!" i don't think i experience that, and if i do, it's demiplatonic, which is hilarious if you think about it, because that requires that I'm ALREADY FRIENDS with someone before i realize how much i want to be friends with them. and that's if that happens at all.

yeah, no, most of the time i just enjoy hanging out with my friends and doing normal friend stuff but once I'm done doing that I'm done and I'm off to my own stuff again. i enjoy being out in public and i have a social job so i like being in social environments to get my people time indirectly, and friend time can be a nice way to relax and explore, but often times I'm just meh? like it's cool but also mm ok. i just do things with people based on how interested they seem in hanging out with me and how much i enjoy hanging out around them and whether we get along during our planned hangouts. seems weird to type it out that way, but that's how my brain operates. kind of how my mind works for sex as well, but that's a different post.

but platonic used to be kind of a dull word for me. like, it really lacked the excitement that romantic held for me, especially in terms of the books I'd read or the movies I'd watch. they were so much more exciting and always filled with some kind of fantasy adventure if i could manage to find that genre. i loved that stuff. it was about people who came to really know and understand and care about each other through their journey and they overcame things together, or they overcame things by applying what they learned from each other. i thought that was the best damn thing ever.

fast forward to me learning I'm aro. and now I'm looking back at all those relationship dynamics in the stories and movies i enjoyed, minus the unearned, not priorly verbally discussed romantic elements, and I'm like OH SO THAT'S WHAT PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS ARE.

like sure I have friends who are very much acquaintances, work friends, etc. people i don't see outside of work often, people who i don't talk to very much, but people i still care about. and then there are my Friends who just AGH i will go on a whole expedition with them if they're up for it. and i love that. and some of my friendships didn't really have that foundation but have it now, some of them are still developing that, and some were like that from the start (shout out to my aro friends we are INSANE and go on adventures every damn day somehow).

but to me, Platonic is when your people go with you on quests and Tolkien-esque adventures. u can't change my mind.

#aromantic #queer #alterous #agender #personal #friendship #gynephile #platonic #queerplatonic

[aronarchy]

in your opinion, what should an anarchist and post-carceral society do about dyed-in-the-wool wrongdoers who *will* make the active choice to hurt people *deliberately* regardless of the societal conditions or measures taken to prevent harm?

(i'm not meaning to sealion here, i am just genuinely thinking about this question myself)

not really sure what you’re counting under “measures”—for example, taking a measure such as “killing them” would, obviously, ensure they stop hurting people. other things like (hypothetically) “isolating them w/no resources & no way out” would, also, drastically reduce to likelihood of them hurting people—no matter how much they want to & are willing to, if they don’t have the physical means, they can’t

though, I’m not in favor of things like imprisonment, bc to be able to lock up & hold someone like that already means you have some degree of disproportionate power and other things built and set up in place, and also it would be way overkill causing vastly more harm than needed which is bad

I struggle to imagine a world without any more prisons, bc I’ve never lived in one & our entire lives are saturated w/prison culture, tho there are some pre-carceral societies you could study; & personally tho I find it easier to think abt these things thru “what can I do right now,” bc it’s already a similar issue—trying to stop harm (a lot of harm happens in my life even rn), but w/o carceral apparatuses (also knowing that those can’t really help us with anything and are the harm, in similar ways)—and really anything we would do once we get to something that could be called a “post-prison” point is already what we’re doing now—or trying to do, tho the carceral state tries to prevent those things

& a key point abt that is that “harm” (esp in the form of abusive relationships) tends to not really follow a “community is in a position to stop it while it’s happening” in the first place, bc of how the entire society has a culture of silence built into it, & how tons of factors go into making these situations hard to escape or resist. & also how communities tend to suck at handling abusers even after they find out (lots of victim-blaming, not understanding how this stuff works, not understanding the risk etc). so w/, like, close interpersonal violence I’m very focused on improving the ability for victims to use self-defense, to escape, to cut contact w/abusers & decreasing the consequences for that, & helping us retake control of our narratives and decreasing tolerance for abuse & abuse apologia in general

there are also people, for example, I might come across near spaces I orbit rn & who are obviously not safe to be around (determined bigots, harassers, abuse supporters, etc) and a lot of the time I’m not in a position to do anything about that directly, but I try to spread knowledge abt right-to-not-interact-with-people-you-dont-want-to (for example), and awareness of how bigots & abusers/supporters use platforms and positions of power to enact harm, and making it easier for ppl to fuck off from them if they’re being toxic (think antifascist tactics, but including how they're applied on a smaller scale—focusing on preventing fascists from building power, denying fascism a platform from which to promote itself, interrupting the problem in its tracks before it can escalate to assaults or state takeovers)

every situation of harm/victimization is different, every manipulative/exploitative/abusive person is different, the treatment each gets from surrounding communities is different—but in general (if these things can even be said to be generalizable) whatever they are using to be able to cause the harm, whatever’s preventing ppl from doing effective self-protection, etc etc take care of that (& no one size fits all ofc but if it’s, like, a person who targets ppl in certain types of communities for attacks then a great first step would be removing them from their projects and disassociating from them and informing other at risk communities abt them)

#ask #profiction-monika #proship-kai #ramble

[yoiku]

Just feeling like unpacking and sorting out some thoughts on this wonderfully rainy morning (begone, roadside dust!!)

Now, I've always been the type to post new art the moment it's done. Posting stuff only on Patreon has still proven easier than I expected. Perhaps since i am still posting stuff -somewhere- it doesn't feel as weird, even though I do miss the interaction from posting on socials. But that'll be back once I have a buffer big enough to keep Patreon relevant. It's also getting easier on letting posting on social wait as time goes by, lol. Actually thought that what if I make the publish gap with the comic even bigger, like several months between Patreon/other sites. But aaaah, I really do want to get it out. It might create more of a gap with time anyway. And the best way to get new people interested in my Patreon is to have interesting stuff out there in the wild. And I'll be honest, it feels validating af to see even a few people willing to spend money to access my Patreon.

It's still conflicting sometimes, because I would really want to keep my stuff available to everyone without paywalls. Art in general is meant to be shared and should be accessible to everyone, this is something I feel on a larger scale. Things like commissioned, unique pieces are luxurious though. They are after all often personal as well. Artists don't live on grants and stipends, hell, even those are usually available for artists who have already made a name for themselves on a larger scale/are well connected. Majority I know struggle with part time jobs, unemployment, studying or are disabled, barely scraping by what they can get in terms of welfare etc. I'm no different. I'm on welfare due to health reasons + in debt, so basically I don't have any "extra" money at the end of each month left for nice things™. And if I do, it usually goes to paying a larger portion of debt away. Sometimes I spend and always regret it later, lol. But if you -never- get to treat yourself even a little, life starts to feel quite depressing. I know so many people are in the same kind of position, where it's just not possible to pay for more than 1-2 subscription services monthly, or none. So having my art behind a Patreon paywall of any kind feels bad, knowing I would likely not be able to afford it myself, lol. Will it ever be easy to combine the thought of art + money without having dreadful crapitalism thoughts creep in? Probably not.

I still want to do my best to pick up some commissions as well, I need to create some sort of hidden stash of money now that I have the cat. Because when (inevitably at some point) a trip to the vet happens, that's going to be at least a hundo no matter what. And when the last trip to the vet arrives, that's gonna be closer to 300-400 with all the cheapest options. (hopefully not anytime soon, but something i have to take into account) I am currently working on a painting comm and might have another one coming up as well, which is giving me much joy. Watercolours are a lot of work, but they're less taxing in the sense that there's only so much detail you can do compared to digital, and tradi allows the happy little accidents with the medium. So it's easier to feel like I did my best wihtout having the thought "ah... i should've kept fixing it"(without asking for more money bc I gotta do better ad infinitum) So I'm really happy peeps have shown interest in tradi comms, even though I'm not very well versed in techniques with those. Learning tho!

My head's been in a relatively good place for a good while now, all things considered. But I have to pull the brakes on myself every now and then because I know it only takes one hard hit in the old mental health for all of it going to shit in the blink of an eye. So I'm trying to tread carefully, prep and plan while keeping the bar set low enough.

Mom has moved to hospice care, which also means that getting the phonecall about her passing can also be any day now. I feel like I've made my peace with it, but even if it doesn't initially hit hard, I'm pretty sure it will bring some mental struggle later. And there will be the whole episode of handling her stuff afterwards. Thankfully there won't be any wealth to distribute, so likely all the mandatory/legal expenses will be handled by welfare. How dreadful that even in that, money is the first thing to have to worry about, huh.

At least the sun has returned from the winter jail, bright days lighten the mind.

#behind a cut just because i think it might get long #shut up yoi #mostly just art thoughts #some mom updates at the end

[nameification]

🌈💞💌 for the fic writer asks?

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

this one applies to both polaroids and the taken fic but like. for the taken one specifically I am so disappointed bc. I only did the chapter for ren and I really wanted to add the grian chapter but I just couldn't bring myself to do it and there's an entire scene where I use my knowledge abt 19th century clockworks and also what I've been told abt menory illnesses and just 19th century knowledge but I cannot bring myself to work on it no matter what. I also remember planning the etho chapter because I had Ideas for that. for polaroids I had like. a sort of corkboard in my mind abt just what to do and I wanna rewrite it and then ALSO This Place Is Not A Place Of Honor and I have like. one chapter written and a few illustrations already when I just. gave up

💞what's the most important part of the story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammer etc), the figurative language

OKAY SO when reading, it is always to me character and/or grammar. I've clicked off so many fics i thought would be interesting bc the characters were just Wrong. I can excuse grammar sometimes and if I can tell a fic will just have shit grammar I might click on it out of morbid curiosity (ahem that one time I liveblogged a fic in class) but I've built up enough resilience against subpar grammar to be. fine with it as a reader

as a writer, what I said above but also the figurative language because there's something about using a metaphor that hits just right for that specific character in that specific moment that feels so satisfying. when writing characters you don't want them to feel Off in a way that would make a reader unsatisfied and its okay to have a few grammar errors in fic (especially common ones, fic is free and beta readers are hard to come by) but just. be careful

💌share something about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited

OKAY so I actually have plans for some star rail fics but they're not fully realized yet and they're going to be infinitely more planned than what I have planned as fics for poor alhaitham but for now I wanna do clara & svarog fics where its just slice of life (and then a fic of when clara is grown up bc I write angst for a reason. robodad and his human child give me so much joy I love them So Much), a luocha and welt fic, a welt and void archives fic (copius amounts of Gay. old men yaoi. I have to finish apho 2 before this one because I still haven't done that) and also a fic with kafka (and maybe elio) in it (the heavens knows I'll be able to finish... one of those. maybe two)

anyways here's some snippets from wips wherein I hurt alhaitham the one on the left like. half-scrapped but only half-scrapped cause I still wanna work on it. it'll just take A While to do so

(I actually really like the writing style I chose for the one on the left cause its like. dottore's thought process and inner mind and. actually I want to show more I love how I wrote the first part so much and technically I can call it done but it would be injustice to the hurt part of hurt/comfort if I just stopped there)

I need to write in this style mor. it works best when the character is acting-to the beat of my vocabulary-Out There and Wild but a "softer" scene has been laid out by past me and I think I can utilize the way I write him to turn him into a threat even if 3rd person limited only limits us to outsider reactions of his character

actually just. about this fic in general is that I plan for it to have 3 really long chapters with the third being the longest (because thats where all the comfort will take place) and the first two are gonna be strictly in third person limited while the third one will also probs be 3pl except I change which character that perspective belongs to but I'm gonna try to limit myself to as few pov shifts as possible

oh god its 130am here. I like to ramble don't I. If I feel it I might ramble in the morning

#viv.txt #the mailbox #ask game #WHERE DID MY TAGS GO ???? #anyways I was rambling abt the fic and rmabled abt how its low on my priority list #because the two other fics I am currently working on either just need one more chapter #or they're oneshots of a larger series #seriously where did my tags go

[astralsweetness]

Hi Luna!! Writing updates? Life updates? It's been a while since we heard from you, is this blog still active?

Hi! I'd love to write again, I'm just struggling to find things that capture my interest for it that I think you guys would also like to see. It's a delicate line between writing for myself and writing for others' enjoyment, and I've kind of burned out on writing for Pentagon, just like I burned out on writing for Seventeen, most likely because I hyper-fixated on them so intensely for such a long period of time. I can't think of anything to write for them that I haven't already done - and I can only do so much with requests that are like "so-and-so and thigh riding" when I've already written that once or twice or more. If there were newer prompts, then I might be able to find some inspiration there. There are some more popular groups I'd like to try writing like Stray Kids, or older groups like specific members of Super Junior or Shinee, but the latter doesn't seem popular on here and the former didn't get any interest when I brought it up before. I want to find something I both would like to do and that you guys would like to see as well.

I've been having a really tough time lately, both with mental and physical health and college [I'm enrolled in two right now] so I've kind of ended up reverting back to comfort singers of mine, which are a lot of 2nd gen idols. Eunhyuk, Minho, Donghae, Hanhae, Tei, Key, etc, and I haven't really said anything about them on here bcs I know no one really cares about them when it comes to fics on Tumblr, and even less when they're written as sub. I did have a thing I wrote that I was going to post on here, but I had a mental breakdown shortly after finishing it and ended up deleting it entirely lol. @funkywinkyboy got to experience what the mental breakdown was like, it wasn't pretty.

In the mean time, I'll give a suuuper short recommended list since I am a failure as a writer, so maybe you can get your fic-fix through them instead:

@euphoricsunflowers Venus is a very lovely person who runs a very nice sub!idol blog. I think she's got sub!svt on the brain rn, so if you wanna go fill her inbox with that stuff.. 👀

@blu-joons Chloe is pretty much well-known for having a blog with every damn fandom that exists on it.. you sort of can’t go wrong with perusing her masterlist. pls go appreciate her and what she does

@pinkchubbiebunnie Tanisha isn’t a kpop blog but she’s kept me afloat this last month without really even knowing I was grasping onto her blog and our interactions to keep my head above water. If you’re into Stranger Things or The Walking Dead go check her out. She’s doing a cute lil Halloween event rn too so.. prime time to go

#i feel literally awful lately #i know i go through these periods of inactivity so it isn't NEW but... sigh #i have written a few tiny things like headcanons or INCREDIBLY short drabbles for donghae and eunhyuk but idk if they're worth posting lol