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ash5monster01 · 10 months

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Perfect To Love Part 2

Pairing: Steve Harrington x FemReader!PlusSize

Warnings: fluff, mentions of bullying, body image issues, fat shaming, angst, trust issues.

Summary: Beth Walker was used to living in the shadows. She had only one friend and anyone else who paid her mind usually bullied her for her size. So she learned to keep her mouth shut, her head down, and her heart closed because she had to accept the fact that she would be nothing more than the fat girl to people. That is until Robin decides Beth needs more in life and that might just include a boy who she never would’ve thought could see her for who she truly was.

word count: 1,995

Part 1 ←→ Part 3

Masterlist

After Saturday Beth had dealt with enough excitement to last her for a while. By the time she had made it home she fell asleep instantly, not even having a second of time to read her book like she had planned. She found herself torn for actually liking most of the kids including Steve. She hadn’t expected that and the other part of her that hated the world was angry she even liked them at all. Yet surprisingly it was nice to actually have people to spend time with, laugh with, and not for a single second feel judged or bullied by them. She wasn’t sure she remembered the last time she had ever felt like that. In the end though it was only a one time thing so she tried to not dwell on it too much.

That was until Monday afternoon and the last thing Beth expected was all the kids hanging around her car waiting for her. The minute they saw her coming their eyes lit up and they all cheered her name. “What’re you guys doing here?”

“We were wondering if you could give us all rides?” Mike asked and Beth turned to Robin who only chuckled. It was very like the kids to not give Beth a choice, Robin had known that since Steve used to sneak them in the movie theater. They always got their way.

“As long as you’re not busy” Max said and Beth realized she was never busy. She was just going to go home and read a book. She wasn’t used to having friends or making plans.

Before Beth could respond the rev of an engine pulling beside them cut them off and they all turned to see Steve in his BMW, sunglasses hung low on his nose, and an accusing hand dangling out the window.

“I’ve been waiting for you guys out front for like 20 minutes” an exasperated sigh fell from his lips and Beth realized Steve Harrington was still pretty even when he was annoyed.

“We wanted to see if Beth would give us a ride in her corvette” Dustin defended and Steve sighed as he got out of the car.

“Beth is probably busy, you should’ve asked earlier” Steve said and Beth began to shake her head.

“I’m free, as long as you guys are good taking turns. The car only has two seats” all the kids turned to Steve, looking as if they were asking for permission, and Steve sighed before turning to Beth, his eyes softening.

“Are you sure?” he asked and Beth realized he was being extremely sincere. Something she never expected from the boy.

“Positive Harrington, I’ll even let you have a turn” she told him before patting his arm and walking off. Steve didn’t expect the soft flush of his cheeks as she said this.

“That means we can?” Lucas asked and Beth chuckled before nodding.

“Yes, now figure out who’s going first” she said and instantly the kids began to bicker, Max stepping forward as she clearly won the fight. Beth gestured her to get in and all the kids moved out of the way as the engine roared to life, much louder than Steve’s.

“Can I pick a tape?” Max asked and Beth nodded as she began to thumb through the cassettes in the center console. Finally she settled on the Frontiers album by Journey and slipped it into the tape player, Separate Ways buzzing through the speakers.

Beth went around the block, a short ride but just long enough to give the kids an idea. Max sang along to the songs and Beth found herself having easy conversation with everyone. As each of the kids took a turn, and Robin despite already riding in it, she didn’t find herself nervous at all until she saw Steve approaching the door. Suddenly she worried he’d think she was too big to fit in the car, notice how her stomach stuck out when she sat unlike most girls, and that despite how hard she’d try he’d never think anything of her. Yet he was still getting in so she gave him a soft smile as he slid in the front seat, his knees tucked up from how long they were in the small car. Beth let out a soft chuckle as he struggled to fit and she pulled down the road, Ask The Lonely clicking on the radio.

“This is a beautiful car Beth” Beth glanced over to see Steve looking at her and she smiled.

“It really is, too bad it can’t land me a date” Beth joke and Steve pushed his lips together, realizing even is she was making a joke she believed it all the same.

“Don’t do that, you shouldn’t have to earn a date based of possessions” Steves voice was serious and it instantly made Beth start to shift in her seat.

“Yeah you earn dates based off of looks” Beth muttered under her breath and Steve snapped his head in her direction, shocked by her words.

“Beth you get a date based off of good personality and if you’re saying you don’t have good looks that isn’t true. I thought you were gorgeous from the moment I met you” Beth wished that those words could mean something coming from him, that they would somehow fix her self image. Yet she couldn’t because Steve didn’t realize he already met her and he definitely did not think she was pretty.

“No you didn’t” she whispered and Steve looked over, trying to read her facial expressions since he didn’t hear what she had said.

“What was that?” he asked and Beth began to shake her head.

“Nothing” she told him and Steve sighed as he looked back out the front of the car, trying to wrap his mind around the girl beside her. For a moment they sat insilence as Steve tried to analyze what she had said, Ask the Lonely still playing softly on the radio.

This love is your obsession

Your heart, your past possession

Let down your defenses

Won’t be up to the one who cares

“Beth you’re a very pretty girl, anyone who told you different sucks” Steve finally said and he did not miss the roll of her eyes as he said this. He wished he could shake some sense into her. “Was that an eye roll?”

“Look Steve, I’ve been lied to about my looks for a very long time. I don’t need to hear it again” Steve was silent as he let her words sink in, the fact she had allowed herself to believe that being bigger made her less. She was still beautiful, there was just more of her to love.

“I’m not lying Beth, I’m many things but I am not a liar. Just because I used to be an asshole doesn't change the fact you're still beautiful” Steve having rest his case turned back forward in the seat, his thoughts running a mile a minute. At first he wasn't on board with Robin's plan but now, he wanted to help her. Show her she was so much more than those assholes at Hawkins high.

"Thank you" she finally said after a beat, pulling back up beside the kids who were chatting away.

"Are you free Saturday night?" Steve found himself saying without much thought.

“What?” Beth was shocked on the spot, not expecting the gorgeous boy beside her to spit words like that out. In fact she was pretty sure no boy had ever said words like that to her.

“Look there’s this party and I don’t normally like to go but if you went with me I think it would be pretty cool” Beth’s heart was pounding so hard in her chest she was sure he could her it. She wasn’t sure if she was gonna cry or throw up.

“I- uh. Um, a party? I-“ words were firing out her mouth in record time but not forming anything understandable and suddenly a hand banged on the window, her jumping high in her seat.

“Let’s go, me and the guys have a new campaign we want to try out” Mike yelled through the window and Steve rolled his eyes.

“I’ll pick you up at 7” he told Beth and slipped out the car like he didn’t just completely short circuit the girl with only a few words. Beth quickly reminded herself she was looking for reasons to dislike the boy.

Doesn’t wait for permission

He did basically assume she said yes despite saying nothing at all. She was trying so hard to be mad about it but yet she was coming up short. He took initiative where she couldn’t and she kind of liked it because no matter how much she lied to herself, she was pretty sure she would’ve said yes the moment she got her thoughts in order. So was that really any reason to dislike Steve Harrington at all.

Doesn’t wait for permission

“Why do you look like someone killed your childhood pet?” Robin asked as she clambered into her car again.

“Why are you in my car?” Beth fired back and Robin rolled her eyes, flipping the visor down just to pout when she saw it didn’t have a mirror unlike Beth’s side.

“Not enough room in Steve’s, I was going to squish in the backseat but then Dustin got annoyed because I guess Steve yelled at them about not wearing seat belts, blah blah blah. But can you give me a ride home?” Beth snorted and shook her head before starting the car back up.

“Fine, you owe me” Beth told her pulling back onto the streets of Hawkins and Robin chuckled before digging through her bag, unable to keep still.

“So are we going to talk about why you looked all dazed and confused earlier?” Robin asked, pulling out some black nail polish and applying it to her fingers.

“Steve asked me to a party Saturday night” Robin’s eyes widened, this clearly not apart of her original plan with the boy.

“Did you say yes?” Robin finally asked, trying not to give way to the shock.

“He didn’t give me a chance to, just said he’d pick me up at seven” Beth informed her, turning down a road in the direction of Robins house.

“Are you excited?” Robin asked and Beth shrugged lightly.

“Maybe, more nervous. I dunno. I don’t do parties” Beth said trying to not give away the fact she was freaking out and normally when she wished the week would pass by quickly she was wishing it would slow down.

“Well I’ll come over and help you get ready, and if the party is lame I’ll call and give you some fake emergency so you can leave” Beth laughed and a huge smile widened across her face, realizing Robin was becoming a friend made for more than just school hours.

“Sounds good to me, but if the parties going good?” Beth asked and Robin tilted her head and leaned against the door.

“Then tell me you’ll see me later, we can make a code word. Like Steves lame” Beth chuckled and pulled into Robins driveway, shifting the car into park.

“And if he’s standing next to me?” a devious smile crossed Robins face.

“Even better” Beth laughed again and Robin dropped her nail polish into her bag and pushed open the door. “Or I’ll come to the party with you and at any point you want to leave we can ditch Steve”

“I’m good with absolutely any plan you have Rob” Beth told her as she climbed out the car and Robin smiled.

“Perfect, I’ll get any information out of Steve I can and let you know” Beth nodded and Robin shut the car door before waving and skipping up the steps into her home.

Beth wasn’t sure what to think now that she was caught in the world of the unlikely pair.

Taglist: @kindablackenedsuperhero @rinarecommends @starryeyedpoet17 @crustless-toast @loverofmarsss @alexa-33 @bethanysnow @middle-of-the-earth @princessadriana4-blog

Comment if you want to be added to the tag list :))

a/n: sorry for the long wait, I hope everyone had a happy and safe holiday. I’m very excited to finally be getting this chapter out there, hope you all enjoy <3

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imfinereallyy · 10 months

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another birthday bit, unrelated to earlier, but something I wrote on my birthday. it’s a bit sad, I’m sorry.

There is an empty space on the couch.

There is an empty space on the couch between Dustin and Mike. The light from the window touches it gently. Making the Byers-Hoppers worn leather couch glow a soft brown. The house is filled with noise and chatter; a happiness that was once lost resides here.

Steve Harrington turns 24, and there is empty space on the couch.

Steve knows Max wouldn’t have sat there. That spot is not reserved for her. She would have sat on the floor between El’s legs while El brushed her hair softly with her fingers, or she would have draped herself over the edge of Lucas’ chair, teasing him with her head hooked on his shoulder.

Steve aches. He sees her in the missing pieces sometimes. A space in the car, a hand grasping at nothing, a laugh when there has only been silence. As if they are all moving in the same ways they did years before, not filling in the holes, just moving forward with gaping parts of themselves.

The house is full of noise, and love, and laughter. Robin leans her head on the tops of Steve’s knees, her hand braiding away at the new friendship bracelet she’s making him. He gets one every birthday. Will and El are drawing on a giant birthday card that Steve knows he’ll hang in his dingy apartment. Nancy and Erica are chattering away in the corner about something that will make Steve’s head spin, he’s sure. Everyone is here; everyone is safe. Steve thinks sometimes he will lose this; they will all push him away. But they come back time and time again. Except…

It’s Steve’s 24th birthday, and there is an empty space on the couch.

Steve Harrington is 24 years old, and Eddie Munson never makes it past twenty. And there is a space, that really isn’t his, but is there for him anyway.

Steve grieves.

He knows it’s unfair. Steve didn’t really know him. They were only ever sideways of each other. Paths crossed one another but never at the same time. A distance in a small place.

Steve feels bad at times, knows they could have done great things. Lead their friends on their strange journeys. Made each other better. He believes that they were more similar than they once thought. Different sure, but would have understood each other somehow.

Steve thinks they were kinda like stars in the same galaxy. Both shine brightly, both guide the way, but too far apart to say goodbye when the other burns too quickly.

When Steve had known him, it was temporary. Eddie had been a temporary person in the life of Steve Harrington. It isn’t a bad thing per se, but an unfortunate truth. Their time together was, although not very long, is held closely to Steve. It was important.

Steve thinks it’s unfair that he gets all the time; he gets all this time to waste, and be happy about it. Angry. Sad. Steve gets to feel, and Eddie gets an empty space.

Steve hears someone’s laugh from across the room. He wants to hold it in his hands and bottle it up, put it on a shelf for safekeeping. It’s not as rare as it used to be, time heals some things, but he finds it makes him want it more. Keep it close. The kids, who are not kids, shout and scream and yell, “Steve, you be the tiebreaker!”. There is never silence, only sounds, so they never really see the gaps that remain.

But Steve thinks about the smile Eddie had once sent his way. The slight tick of the lip into laugh lines. Steve craves for that moment again. Not because it meant anything, not because it held some secret. But because it was good, and Steve at the time didn’t really know much of that.

Steve knows, if the space on the couch was filled, Steve would be in love.

Their time together doesn’t prove this, he knows and is not delusional, but Steve can feel it in his gut.

At times, you meet a person and realize they are going to stick around for a while. And other moments, you meet someone and don’t notice that you were meant to know them until your chance has passed.

There are instances you meet someone, and you feel as if you should say “Hello again.” Even though you are meeting for the first time.

Steve can’t help but notice more time has passed since he left, then the the amount of time he knew him.

Steve knows it’s selfish. It’s selfish to grieve something that was never his, to grieve the idea of a person. But he can’t help the mourning that comes when he wakes. He can’t help but think there is a laugh he is supposed to know, like his favorite song. He can’t help but think, Eddie Munson should have made it to 24.

Steve can tell the rest miss him, even the ones who didn’t know him. There was a role Eddie was supposed to fill, a balance thrown off by his absence. Steve sometimes catches them all trying to put the pieces back together of a ghost. They’ll take his old clothing from Wayne, read a book left on his nightstand, and tap their fingers to the beat of a song Eddie once knew. It feels like they are all trying to build him from scratch.

The party sings Steve happy birthday; they try to squeeze all the candles on it. Hopper yells at them, tells the kids it’s a fire hazard, but makes no move to stop them. The boys are yelling to wish for things they want. The girls, El, tells him to wish for love. Jonathan takes a photo of him blowing out his candles. Robin squeezes his hand.

I wish I could have known.

They cut the cake; they spread out again. This time Lucas sits on the edge of his chair, like he’s leaving space for only one person to come back and sit. No one makes a move to share with him. There is an empty space on the couch. The sun no longer touches it; only the warm lamp light reaches its corners.

Steve doesn’t think he knew Eddie Munson very well, but he likes to believe that Eddie would have liked this. He would have liked the noise. He would have liked a mismatched family. He would have liked celebrating a meaningless birthday of a friend he didn’t have. Steve likes to think they wouldn’t have been friends for long. He knows, somehow, Eddie would have loved him too.

There is an empty space on the couch. Steve doesn’t plan on filling it anytime soon.

***

Sorry for any of the tense changes or mistakes, this was more of a stream of thought piece. It’s bittersweet.

#steddie #Steve likes to sit in the bitter sweetness #hurt/no comfort #but like #also a little #hurt/comfort #angst #Steve Harrington #stranger things #Eddie Munson #max mayfield #lucas sinclair #Robin Buckley #the party stranger things #my writing #birthday blues #sad boi hours

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shuyamino · 2 years

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DID YOU JUST STEP ON ME?

characters(s) : ✒ ،، mysta rias | shu yamino | ike eveland | luca kaneshiro | vox akuma

content : ✒ ،، mostly sfw, but does get suggestive | crack | gender neutral pronouns | your foot is mentioned a lot

summary : ✒ ،، He's right there — on his knees, looking for something under the table but all you can think of is stepping on him.

notes : ✒ ،، writing this made me laugh a lil but like don't get me wrong, i would gladly step on all of these mfs whenever they ask. more under the cut!

minors + ageless blogs dni

Awakened something in him.

MYSTA loooves to joke about it but that's about it. You don't really know what came over you — you never really saw the appeal in stepping on your boyfriend before. But here you were. Your foot on top of his forehead. Stepping on him.

You open your mouth, ready to apologize and to retract your foot, but there's something about Mysta's expression that stops you completely.

His eyes have glazed over, almost dazed. Mysta's jaw slackened, just opened slightly. It took a few moments before you realized what was happening — he actually liked this.

Your earlier confusion melted away into morbid curiosity. Your lips curve to a smirk before you can help it.

"You actually like this?" You question, feeling a surge of confidence course through your body. Your question must have pulled him back to reality because Mysta blinks his eyes, his cheeks flushed red as he pulls away from your foot.

"W-What the hell! No I fucking don't!" Mysta exclaimed, lightly slapping your foot away for good measure. Though his shouts are drowned out by your incredulous laughter. "Shut up! I swear to—"

SHU is…pretty vanilla. He'd never joked about being stepped on before and it's never really crossed your mind either. But right now…

Just seeing him on his knees in front of you… The urge to step on him was way too high to ignore. Before you know it, your placing your foot on his shoulder — the contact draws his attention up to you. Curiosity etched on his face.

"Um…babe?" He tilts his head, lips quirked to a frown. Not angry or annoyed. Just confused. "...What's up?"

"I — " You freeze, watching as his expression softens just the slightest bit. The change isn't obvious and you definitely wouldn't have caught it if you weren't already looking at him. You gulp. "…I just…thought…"

Shu tilts his head to the other side; this time resting the side of his face against your foot. His frown melts away to a soft smile — big, bright eyes looking up at you from where he's kneeled. A light flush dusts his cheeks as his eyes lock with yours.

It's almost funny — he should be the flustered one in this situation, so why did your whole body feel like it was on fire?

"Hm? Thought what, babe?"

Confused — simply asks what you're doing.

IKE blinks up at you from where he was kneeling. Your bare foot was placed right on his forehead. You were stepping on him, right?

"Did you need something, love?" He asks, still blinking owlishly at you. Ike is far from grossed out, just…confused. You've never done this before, nor have you indicated anything of the sort. So this was totally out of left field for him.

You sweat under his stare before quickly pulling your foot away. Heat rises up to your cheeks — why did you do that in the first place?

"S-Sorry. I don't know why I did that." You quickly explain, hoping that he'd forget this happened. Ike is still confused, but he lets it pass. You'll talk about it with him when you're more comfortable of course.

Though, this doesn't stop his mind being plagued with the fact that you might want to step on him in the future.

LUCA smiles up at you. A confused smile, but a smile nevertheless. The heel of your foot is placed right on his forehead — pretty obvious that you meant to step on him.

"Uh… Babe...? What's up?" He finally asks after a few beats of silence. Luca doesn't seem the least bit concerned as he smiles up at you. You mentally slapped yourself for even doing such a thing. You retract your foot, your cheeks flushed as you do so.

"It's nothing Luca," You quickly answer. "Sorry — I just…felt like doing that all of the sudden."

Luca stands up just high enough to press a chaste kiss against your forehead. "It's okay babe, you just surprised me!"

You resist the urge to groan — he really is too cute. Maybe you'll gather the courage to ask him about hit more another time. He looked really good under you.

Teases you about it and enjoys it himself.

VOX loves to talk about getting stepped on and he means it seriously. It wasn't something you thought about before meeting him and as much as you'd play along with the joke, you never felt the urge to step on him.

Except today, of course.

Vox blinks up at you as your foot is placed against his shoulder. His confusion melts away with a curve of a smirk, eyes lidding as he locks eyes with you. The demon isn't the least bit flustered compared to you.

"Oh?" He questions, eyebrow cocked as he does so. You're already melting under his gaze as you feel a deep flush settle over your cheeks and the nape of your neck. Vox turns his head towards your foot, lips brushing against your ankle. "If you wanted to step on me darling, all you had to do was ask~"

Your attempt to pull your foot back fails as Vox but his hand quickly wraps around your ankle, keeping you in place. Your face burns impossibly hot as he draws himself up between your legs. You pull your hands up to cover your face, as your heart pounding against your chest.

"Aw baby, why're you suddenly so shy?" He coos at you, with a deep chuckle. His hands lightly wrap around your wrist, slowly tugging them away from your face.

You should've known this was going to happen — maybe next time you'll think your actions more thoroughly. Especially ones such as this.

#luxiem x reader #shu yamino x reader #mysta rias x reader #vox akuma x reader #ike eveland x reader #luca kaneshiro x reader #casper★writes #ive been thinking about this since i rewatched horimiya LMAOOO #i have nothing to say to this. can u tell mysta shu are self indulgent.

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luvxiem · 2 years

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through the years

word count ! ~500 pairing ! luca x gn!reader genre ! fluff summary ! relationship timeline with your favorite blonde himbo; repost bc the first one didnt show up in tags

he met you through a mutual friend

originally he wasn't interested in you romantically, but as he hung around you more and more the blonde found himself falling for you

maybe it was your witty comebacks or the way you laughed at every deez nutz or ligma joke

or maybe it was the way you sat with him on the sofa, long after the movie ended and told him he made you feel safe

somewhere along the way, his thoughts were filled with you and your lovely smile

on your first date he took you to an arcade!

this one was special though because they specialized in vr games

luca kept poking and messing with you while you had your headset on, leading to many angry cries and shrieks of "luca you ass!" and his loud laughter following

for one game you had to walk on a small beam high up in the air and luca decided to push you right when you got to the end, leaving you falling to your doom

you ripped off your headset to see luca crouching on the floor clutching his stomach after watching you frantically try and balance yourself only to trip and land on your butt

needless to say, you went on a second date

not much actually changed after the two of you got together

in reality, dating luca means you get to date your best friend

only now with kisses and cuddles included :)

before he would give you his hoodie when you were cold but now he gives it to you while also admitting he likes seeing you in his clothes (don't mention his blush please)

he likes to hold your hand a lot—when he's driving, while walking down the street, even when you're just standing in line while waiting to order food

once the initial hype of omg im actually in a relationship with someone i really like wOw dies down, you two become a lot more casual with your affections

feeling his arms wrap around your waist while cooking

laying in bed with your head on his shoulder and watching tiktoks together

silly showers with lots of soap beards and mohawks

it's enough to just exist in the same space and simply enjoy the other's presence

mundane tasks like doing the laundry or going grocery shopping is infinitely better together

domesticity <3

he says i love you first

it was really anticlimatic

the words slipped out of his mouth as he was leaving for his usual daily run

you stared at your boyfriend in shock while he had a confused look on his face

pretty boy didn't even realize he said it

once it's sunken in, however, red is creeping up luca's neck and face while he tries to laugh it off and awkwardly saying sorry

before he could talk it back though you tell him you love him too

a look of surprise flashes on his face for a moment before he beams and picks you up to spin you around and leaving a lingering kiss on your lips

you pretend you don't hear the soft "pog!" as he slips out the door

what a cutie

#luvxiem.writing #luca.txt #luca kaneshiro x reader #luca kaneshiro fluff #luxiem x reader #luxiem fluff #nijisanji en x reader #nijisanji en fluff

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moonflowerdamie · 2 years

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i’m super bored so i’m gonna rate stranger things ships! buckle in folks, let’s get into it😎

•mileven—4/10•

it’s ok ig. i’m not like a hater of it? but it’s definitely not a great ship. no hate to mileven stans, it’s just not for me. i liked them in season 1 and 2, but it got toxic and weird in season 3 and season 4 solidified my disdain for it. i think mike needs to do some self-reflection (maybe discover a few things about himself—michael wheeler i know what you are) and i think el needs to become her own person outside of her relationship with him. i wholeheartedly support the el/mike exes-to-besties agenda though!

•jopper—8/10•

they’re so cute oml, i shipped them since season 1 and their build-up and eventual payoff was immaculate! i loved their early season tension and their kiss in season 4 was so so good. they fit so well together. they don’t get 10/10 only because a) i LOVED bob and joyce in season 2 more than life and will forever mourn that joyous man and b) i kinda loved the whole single grumpy father figure/lonely teenage daughter dynamic el and hop had.

•lumax—10/10•

this ship. this goddamn ship. the hurt/comfort. the angst. the teasing. the SOULMATISM of it all. seriously, these two are meant for each other. lucas is max’s safe place, her happiest memory and her favourite escape. max is lucas’ sunshine, his wake-up call, his reason to try. i didn’t use to love them, in fact it was only since season 4 that i’ve been such an avid shipper of them but god. they really are the softest. ‘i like talking with you, mad max’ and ‘i’m still here’ and ‘lucas!’ and the notes and the snowball and holy shit i love them sm.

•byler—7/10•

this is with the exception of season 2 byler, which gets 10/10 (‘crazy together’ oh my god). apart from that, i get the hype for it, but i also want the best for my lil ball of fruity sunshine will byers. he is my baby boy and i will protect him. and i just think that mike needs to do some growing up before he’s ready to be with will. also, i’ve never loved mike as a character (again, with the exception of s1 and 2 mike, he was a sweetie) and i think he’d end up hurting will if they got together at this point. in the future, if mike can prove that he’s matured and grown into himself, i will wholeheartedly support this relationship.

•jancy—6/10•

again, it’s ok. i did love them in season 2, but season 1 jonathan was a creep, and season 3 jancy just didn’t do it for me. jonny boy has grown on me over the seasons, but i think everybody moved on from him taking nakey nakey pictures of nancy without her knowledge wayyyyy too quickly. also, they just want different things in life and that’s ok! i do prefer them over stancy, but if i’m honest, i am absolutely a lesbian nancy supporter. the comphet on that woman is insane. so again, like mileven, i am a nancy/jonathan exes-to-besties advocate!

•stancy—4/10•

they were not it in season 4. like, it made me angry that the duffers tried to push it on us again. i did sort of like them in the early seasons, but steve was a jerk and nancy needed to grow into herself and they went their separate ways for the better. steve became a good person and nancy became the strong, independent badass woman we all know and love. i love them as friends and co-babysitters of the kids, but not as lovers. their arcs wouldn’t have happened without their break-up, and they’re both so different as people that getting back together would’ve been like going backwards. steve’s speech about kids in the van made me physically ill with how a) out of character it was and b) how the duffer brothers tried to make it seem like pushing out 6 kids and living the suburban american dream (read: nightmare) was something nancy would want, when she’s spent 3 seasons displaying an obvious disgust for that kind of life. if they get back together in s5 i’ll be throwing something at the tv.

•elmax—9/10•

they. are. so. cute. i love this ship sm, it’s so wholesome and soft. it just works as well—el allows max to explore her own kindness, her own vulnerability, her own ability to care, and max allows el to explore her own identity, what makes her happy, how to be independent. season 3 elmax was superior, but that scene in s4 where they reunite is utterly breathtaking—‘if you touch her again, i will kill you again’ protective gfs!! honestly, if i wasn’t such a lumax shipper i’d be all in for them. as it is, my motto is currently this: max has two hands! one for el and one for lucas :)

•madwheeler—1/10•

no. just no. these two actively dislike each other lmao. max is perpetually annoyed by mike’s existence and mike thinks max is like, the worst. they couldn’t even do enemies to lovers because max would steal mike’s gf in a heartbeat and would probably rather eat glass than kiss michael wheeler. they only get 1 point because finn and sadie have a sweet friendship.

•eddsy—6/10•

they would’ve been cute tbh. and since it’s been discovered that chrissy is actually 18 instead of 16, it’s not a weird one either. when i thought she was 16 i was put off, but now i’m sort of neutral on it. that scene in the woods was very sweet and her and eddie totally could have had the whole popular cheerleader gf/metalhead nerdy bf thing going on. however, it was only one episode they were in together and the ship was never one i was like ‘oh my god i love this’ so. i will say that grace van dien does not deserve the hate she gets for shipping them, especially when joseph quinn gets none of it for the same thing. other than that, it’s not massively awesome but it’s pretty cute.

•willel—0/10•

if you ship this, seek help. they are siblings.

•henclair—4/10•

they could be cute ig, but i just see them as besties. add in the fact that lumax is one of my fav ships and dustin and suzie are super cute and this ship is just sort of meh to me.

•duzie—7/10•

very sweet. nerd gf/geek bf. ‘never-ending story’ was a cultural reset and they’re both icons for it. honestly, not a ship that rocked my world but they are super cute so. 7 points.

•rockie—7/10•

at this point i just want robin to have a gf. just let maya hawke kiss a woman on this show. at first, i was super excited for these 2, but then i saw the way miss buckley looked at nancy wheeler and i was like ‘vickie who?’ (i see you duffer brothers). also, vickie’s whole character felt like a diversity box tick. like she had no originality whatsoever, they just made her a carbon copy of robin which pissed me off. however, i see the potential. i would not be unhappy if they had a fleshed out, well-developed relationship in s5. especially since vickie, a bi girl, is being played by amybeth mcnulty, a bi queen.

•steddie—5/10•

ok. so. i don’t hate this ship. i really don’t. in fact, i’ve written them in some of my ronance fics. i think they could’ve been cute. however. they hype for these two was so overdone and the way people treated them in comparison to more fleshed out, developed dynamics like ronance was really annoying. especially because the majority of steddie shippers are straight women who then deny that ronance could ever happen. the ship itself was ok, but if i’m being realistic, they didn’t have that many scenes together and the fandom of this ship ruined it for me. the fact that the majority of fics in the ronance tag on ao3 are steddie with background ronance really grinds my fucking gears, and the amount of people who are fetishising steddie because they’re both attractive men is just so fucking irritating. overall, not a bad ship but a fairly toxic fandom (not all of you, of course—chill steddie shippers are cool, but some of y’all, jesus christ)

•harringrove—1/10•

awful, awful ship. no. don’t ship steve with the racist abuser just because they’re both semi-attractive white men. only gets a point because of joe keery’s fruity (not assuming his sexuality, just joking about his actions) behaviour towards dacre montgomery.

•stobin—0/10•

robin buckley. is. a LESBIAN. she’s GAY. SHE LIKES WOMEN AND WOMEN ONLY. if you ship these two romantically, i can only assume you’re a homophobic asshole who deserves sand thrown in their eyes. unapologetically, if you ship steve and robin as a couple, i hope you slip in the shower, motherfucker.

•stonathan—2/10•

i mean, it’s not the worst??? but again, i think it’s people shipping them just because they’re two white men who talked to each other. like, did y’all forget that steve literally called jonathan a slur? and that they tried to beat the shit out of each other? i don’t hate it the way i hate harringrove, but it’s so so unlikely and i’d be so puzzled if it ever was even hinted at.

•murray/alexei—6/10•

these two would’ve been cute. and i do think murray is gay, and probably did have a little thing for alexei. i don’t know about alexei but they were definitely cute friends. and i was so betrayed and upset by his death. a fairly good ship, no complaints from me.

and finally…

•ronance—1284028/10😌🥹😍•

the best ship. for nancy, for robin, for the show, for ever. they mean the world to me. they are the world to me. if i had one wish, it would be for ronance to be canon. they make me so fucking emotional because i want what they have. as someone who so heavily relates to robin (chaotic lonely lesbian who is desperate for love but feels she may never be loved as much as she loves, possibly autistic and feels destined to be an annoyance to those around her) i want a nancy. i want to be loved in my entirety. and those two, they get each other. sure, robin irritated nancy at first and they didn’t get on, but they grew. nancy, who’s never had anyone listen to her and believe in her with such intent, finds robin, who is more than willing to, who thinks ‘nancy’s a genius’ and would follow her anywhere. robin, who thinks all she can ever be is helpless and annoying, finds nancy, who trusts her with her life, who picks her and picks her and keeps picking her, who thinks she’s just as smart as she actually is, who understands her needs and her vulnerabilities and validates her, tells her ‘it’s ok’ and ‘you got this’. these two work in a way no other ship does and they are so undeniably soulmates. they need each other. they want each other. they deserve each other. there’s a reason i write about them so much—holy shit honestly i love them so fucking much.

anyways, that got a lot longer than i thought it would! i hope you guys enjoyed my ramblings haha :)

#stranger things #ronance #robin buckley #nancy wheeler #stranger things s4 #robin buckley x nancy wheeler #robin x nancy #stancy #jancy #mileven #byler #lumax #elmax #jopper #steddie #rockie #eddsy

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khaleesiofalicante · 1 year

Note

I am so interested and invested in that Malec fighting after second marriage prompt.

I think the way Alec behaves in those moments of avoiding conflict is such an interesting arc cause we saw at the start of Tlnd how expressive he could get when angry. Whereas now it’s him holding himself back when certain things concern him and sort of going with the flow more. Which in hindsight can be a good thing but I think Magnus is very perceptive and would pick up on it very quickly. Like ‘oh, I thought you’d be more bothered that I’m taking Minnie to London for a month??’. Especially knowing how passionate and protective Alec usually is, I think the tempo shift would spark a very deep and emotionally open conversation.

Ngl my inner angst hoe was like: what if Magnus found Alec teary eyed on his office couch after coming back to the loft cause he forgot his phone. I kinda like seeing Aled being soft and vulnerable cause he’s normally the one who ‘holds it in until the job is done’. He wants to be strong for everyone but sometimes forgets he can let people be strong for him too.

Imagine if Max was the one to pick up on it too. Like ‘dad is so calm these days’ and Magnus is like ‘right?!?! what is with that!?’

Lots of questions in my head! I’m sure if you decide to explore this further it will reveal a lot of how we often revisit wounds is different forms until we sorta of find peace within them.

Thank you to the person who brought this one to your ask box!! It had my head working overtime!

100% agreed that Magnus would pick up on it and it would certainly lead to a conversation. I also see this happening a year or so after they get back together (not so immediate) and that prompts a conversation about divorce ptsd (which is rather real - especially for alec) and i think it might be something they'll address with Luca (since he is a trauma specialist) - to be a fly on the wall during this session.

To be very honest, this scene is definitely stuck in my head if i want to write something tlnd-related again.

Another possibility stuck in head is Alec's third term and the election. Because we know Magnus didn't get to vote the first (in london) or second (had an episode) time. So, imagine all the feels surrounding the third election. magnus being extra cautious so he doesn't get sick or doesn't get run over by a car (ha!) or just doing everything he can to make sure he doesn't miss it this time. oof. the possibilities.

i got off track but i shan't apologize.

#tlnd

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ladylooch · 8 months

Text

Letters in Your Last Name - Chapter 30

A/N: Oof. This one has all the feels 🥺 Our lil babies are going through it.

Word Count: 3.7k

Warnings: Infertility struggles, angsty

Negative

I purse my lips in frustration at the word I see on the pregnancy test in my hands. Beyond the bathroom door of our master suite, I can hear Luca squealing at CoComelon as Kevin, presumably, tries to drown out the madness of the toddler TV show for a few more moments of shut eye. It’s an off day, but his return flight from Arizona was late taking off after last night’s win. I glance at the white door, then focus back on the test.

Shit. I really thought this was it.

Kevin and I have been actively trying to conceive for the last three months. We decided to start trying on his birthday. His celebration in Switzerland included way too much wine, sweetness, and wandering hands from my husband to resist. But so far, we haven’t been successful. It all seemed like it would be so easy. Luca was conceived in one cycle. It never crossed my mind that it wouldn’t be the same with the second. After the first negative test, I shook it off- no big deal. The second negative made me angry. And now this third one just feels like the beginning of a black hole opening up beneath my feet. I don’t know how I’m going to go out there and tell Kevin it’s a no… again.

I gently rest the test back onto the counter and sit on the closed toilet lid. Maybe the test is faulty? I grab the directions, looking for what I should see if the test was inconclusive or defective. After a quick re-read, I know it's not. I grip my hands together and lean forward to stretch out my lower back. While I hang in the stretch, I think about all the things we have been trying. We have been having sex every other day. I’ve lightened my work outs. I’ve tracked ovulation down to the hour with every app and test I can find. This last month, I stopped drinking completely, even while my toddler has descended deeply into the terrible twos.

What gives?

As I sit back up, I feel the frustrated tears building in my eyes. This sucks. I stand, grabbing the test and chucking it into the garbage under the sink. It lands face up so that damn word mocks me and my empty womb. So I reach in and flip it over, then wash my hands. I look at myself in the mirror while I dry off. I look and feel perfectly healthy- glowing skin, bright eyes, and shiny hair from the extra vitamins. Why isn’t any of this working?

I open the bathroom door, causing both my boys to look at me. Luca because he is looking for the snack I promised him before I went in there and Kevin because he wants to know the results. My husband’s eyes are hopeful and expectant on me. I just shake my head in the negative at him and focus on our son.

“Are you ready for some yogurt!?” I ask Luca as I swoop him up into my arms and onto my hip.

“Yuh!” He squeals, bouncing excitedly and reaching towards the door that leads out of our bedroom.

“Sam.” Kevin calls to me from the bed as he sits up. His chest is bare as he scratches at the dark hairs there. “Are you okay?” His voice is soft as he picks up on my obvious mood change.

“Yep!” I exclaim, smooching our son’s soft cheek loudly. I turn and head out of the bedroom without another word to my husband. I don’t have to see Kevin to know his face is dripping with concern.

Luca and I enter the kitchen, feet quietly padding across the wood floor. I place him in his high chair then go to the fridge to grab his yogurt.

“Mmm!” He says, bringing his fingers to his lips to indicate his hunger.

“Yes, I know you’re hungry.” I say to him, watching as he fidgets in the chair. His impatience is growing by the second. So I go to the pantry and grab a few Gerber puffs, shaking them onto his tray to occupy him while I get the rest of his snack ready.

I carefully spoon out the vanilla yogurt into his green, plastic bowl. As I do so, I make a mental note to add yogurt to the list of groceries I am going to order for today. I didn’t get to the store yesterday because Luca was having a rough day. I didn’t trust that he wouldn’t reach a stage 5 freak out having to sit in the cart while I shopped. As I reach for the small spoon for our son, Kevin’s hands come to my hips. I resist the urge to pull away, recognizing he’s trying to help.

“Can you talk to me?” He holds me in place against the counter, hips pressing into my butt in a gentle pin.

“No.” I respond immediately.

“Babe, I know you’re disappointed-" He begins. I whirl around, tugging myself out of his grip.

“What did I just say?” I snap. My eyes are filled with fire as I stare back at him. His shoulders deflate in defeat as he grabs Luca’s bowl to bring him the snack. I watch with my fierce gaze fixed on his broad shoulders.

“Mama hat Joghurt für dich gemacht.” Kevin says to Luca in German. “Fressen.” He sets the bowl in front of him, then turns back to look at me across the kitchen. Our eyes meet but I look away, trying to mask my shame with anger.

“When it’s the right time for us… it will happen.” He finally says to me.

I chomp down on my bottom lip. My tears betray me, falling over my lashes and down my cheeks. Kevin hesitantly walks over to me. Our son watches our exchange curiously as he smears white yogurt across his lips. I stare at Luca as Kevin wraps me into his arms, holding me to his bare chest. My tears fall against his warm skin as he runs his fingers though my pony tail.

“I’m not disappointed.” I finally whisper, voice wavering with my tears. “I’m devastated.” The last word comes out as a squeak.

“We haven’t been trying that long, bubba.”

“Compared to Luca we have.”

“Well.. maybe that’s the first lesson here. Our kids won’t be the same and now neither are their creations.”

“Damn, that’s insightful.” I murmur with a slight laugh. Between the tears and speaking my feelings out loud to him, I already feel a bit lighter.

“Please look at me.” I shyly tilt my face up to his. His hands come to my cheeks, wiping at my tears in the way only he is good at. Each swipe of his thumbs soothes the ache in my chest.

“I just want to do this for us.”

“Baby, you already have. And you will again. I feel it. But you gotta relax.” His eyes widen a bit at the way his words come out. He knows that’s risky but he continues. “You being this stressed and having it all down to a science… it’s not working. You need to be loose.”

I know he is right. The last few times we have had sex, it’s been difficult for me to enjoy it. I’ve been so focused on flipping to my back immediately and holding all of him in me that I can’t let go enough to be in the moment. Last time, Kevin actually asked me if I came. I did, but it wasn’t anything earth shattering. I’m not sure that he believed me in the end. When I tried to initiate sex with him the next night, he gripped my wrist to stop my stroking and pushed me away, claiming he was exhausted from practice.

“Mama.” Luca calls to me as he lifts his bowl and begins to tilt it over his head.

“Ah, Luca!” Kevin and I sputter out at the same time to try and stop him. It’s way too late. The goopy, white yogurt drips down from his dark hair as he giggles. “Oops!” I close my eyes, chest shaking with quiet laughter.

“You sure you want more of this?” Kevin jokes as we go closer to our son. Both of us stare at him, not sure how to proceed with cleaning up this mess. Luca reaches his hands up, scraping some of the yogurt from his hair and eating it. “Ew.” Kevin grimaces, picking him up and bringing him to the kitchen sink.

We work together to rinse the yogurt from his hair with the sprayer. Luca hates every second of it, fighting Kevin’s grip with all the strength he can muster. It’s not a match for his professional athlete father.

“Tatínek.” He moans at Kevin in Czech. I know that means dad.

“Yaya. Jen trochu déle. máma je skoro hotová. Buď dobrý, prosím.” I watch as Luca completely comprehends the Czech and relaxes.

“What did you say?” I ask Kevin.

“Just a little longer. Mama is almost done and please be good.” He translates as I turn the faucet off and place the sprayer back in the holder. I shake my head.

“One day he’s going to speak to me in Czech or German and I’m going to just stare at him slack jawed while he’s telling me to F off.” I grab a fresh, fluffy towel from the kitchen drawer and work it over our son’s wet hair. Luca closes his eyes and waits patiently.

“No.” Kevin shakes his head at me. “He knows only to speak English with you.”

“He’s not even two. What do you mean he knows?”

“He just does.” Kevin insists. “Plus I won’t teach him any bad words.” Kevin smirks at the end, completely full of shit. He works our baby’s now wet t-shirt over his head. “I’ll go get a new one.” I grab Luca from his hands as he walks to the stairs.

“Who am I?” I wonder to our son.

“Mama!” He grins at me.

“Who is that?” I ask, pointing to where Kevin is walking back into the room.

“Tatínek.” He looks at Kevin, who nods in encouragement.

“Dobrá práce kamaráde.” Good job, buddy.

“What even is my life..” I laugh, handing our baby to Kevin.

“It’s just normal to me. I’ve always spoken multiple languages at home. It’s great. More ways to say I love you.” My husband reminds me. He easily slips Luca’s new shirt on. It’s a Minnesota Wild shirt we got early on in my pregnancy. Seeing it fit now makes my heart ache a bit more in my chest.

“Tell me in all of them.” I murmur, winding my hands around his hips, remembering his vows, wanting to hear it all from his lips again. Kevin smiles, squeezing me tighter as he settles Luca to the other side of his chest. Luca pats at my face as Kevin begins to speak. “Miluji tě. Ich liebe dich. Je’taime. Jag älskar dig. I love you.”

Luca, who recognizes several of those words, squeals in delight and leans down for a wet smooch on my lips.

I close my eyes as Kevin sways the three of us together.

He is right. This is enough. For now. Until it’s our time again.

_ _ _

The consistent pattering of the water against the shower glass is a soothing noise as I swipe the finishing touches of mascara onto my lashes. I lean back from the mirror, taking in the full look of my dark, event make up. I look like a star player’s wife, which is good as tonight is the annual Wild About Children gala. It’s important for me to look the part that is expected of me. But more so than that, I’m looking to tease my husband all night. It’s rare for us to have a night this fancy and I’m ready to take full advantage of it.

My make up is almost there. I just need to fix a smudge of eyeliner then I’m ready for setting spray. I open the closet in the bathroom, rummaging around for a Q-tip. I reach around the pregnancy tests, a slight smile tilting at my lips.

I’ll be using one of those tomorrow. My tracking app has been warning me of my lateness the last couple of days. But, truthfully, fear has been holding me back. I’ve already been playing the part of a pregnant woman the last few months. I’ve forgone drinking, been taking vitamins, and avoiding foods known to be hazardous. Yet, I’ve been struggling to get the courage to take the test. The devastation has been choking each time I haven’t seen the answer we want. Plus, with Kevin being on the road earlier this week, it felt too daunting to do alone.

The shower stops as I shut the door. I wet the Q- tip and carefully swipe off the excess black. My eyes drift beyond my face in the mirror to my husband. Water runs down the sculpted ridges of his body. The view is goosebump inducing. If my parents weren’t already here for Luca, I’d be bending over this counter, ass in the air, begging for him to fill me. Kevin’s eyes meet mine in the mirror where he gives me a knowing grin. We’ve been here before after all. He doesn’t provoke me, awareness of our guests and the time holding his thoughts in.

“Later.” He promises instead. I nod my head in agreement.

“Sure, but just so you know…” I tell him as he towels off his hair. “I’m late.”

“Yeah?” He grins at me in the mirror.

“Yeah.” I reciprocate his grin.

“You gonna take a test?”

“I will, but not tonight. It can wait until tomorrow.” Kevin nods because he understands the disappointment from the previous times. This is our first night out together in awhile and with it being a team and fan event, we both need to be on.

“I love you.” He says to me as he puts the used towel back on his hook. He leans forward and kisses the side of my head, careful of the make up I have been diligently working on for a half hour.

“Love you.” I murmur back to him, eyes trailing generously over his body as he walks to the closet. His firm ass bounces with each of his steps. “Is this what you’re wearing?” He asks, holding up my long, emerald dress.

“Yes.”

“Okay.” He nods. “I have to wear black.” He murmurs mostly to himself, beginning to grab the pieces of his outfit together.

I fluff my hair briefly then join him in the closet. I undress before working the zipper of the dress down. My arms glide into the long sleeves then I pull the fabric up my body. I turn my back towards Kevin and he pauses from buckling his belt to zip me up. The dress exposes my skin with a V that goes to my mid-back. Kevin places his lips along that bare skin before allowing my hair to fall back down my shoulders.

I move from the closet and re-enter the bathroom to fasten my earrings and necklace on. I re-adjust my wedding rings to be centered on my finger, then give an approving nod at my reflection.

“Are you almost ready?” Kevin asks as he tightens his tie. I walk back into the closet, searching for my black, strappy heals. I grab them in my hands, tossing them into our bedroom by my clutch.

“Yes, I just need to use the bathroom then we are out the door.” I press my lips to his in a quick peck before starting to dash out of the closet.

“Hey.” He murmurs to me, grabbing my hand to stop me for a moment.

“Hm?” My green eyes find his. My lips break into a huge grin at the look he’s giving me.

“You look so damn sexy.” His eyes trail along all his favorite places, perfectly accented by the velvet fabric. He lingers at the slit going up my left thigh. I can already imagine the sinister thoughts he has involving that slice of my skin. “I can’t wait to walk in tonight with your hand in mine… everyone knowing who you belong to.” The possessiveness in his voice and touch has a shiver of pleasure rolling through my body.

“If you don’t let me go, we might not make it.” I tease him, dropping his fingers and returning to my quest for the bathroom.

“Not sure that would be a bad thing.” He calls to me. My light laughter echos in the bathroom as I shut the door.

I carefully move my dress around and sit. Once I’m finished, I stand, then go to push down on the lever. I pause when I look down at the surprise that awaits me. I have my period. I place my hand over my lower stomach, recognizing the dull cramping beneath. I was so rushed getting ready that I didn’t notice anything until now.

An overwhelming sadness descends on my body. I grab a tampon, putting it in place. I press my palms flat against the cool counter of the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror. I look beautiful, perfectly put together, dark make up accenting my winter skin and chocolate brown hair. But the pain in my green eyes radiates obviously over the rest of my figure. My lips begin to crumple into a sob, but I press them hard together to stop the impending tears.

I don’t have time to do this right now. We need to leave.

I reach into the drawer, grabbing a handful of tampons and heading back into the bedroom. Kevin is sitting on our bed, finishing sliding into dress shoes. My small clutch is next to his thigh, heels next to his feet. He greets me with a smile briefly before it slides off when he sees what’s in my hand. His eyes go to my face, but I can’t return his gaze. I stuff the tampons in my clutch and snap it shut decidedly.

“I guess we don’t need a test. It’s a no.” I say, shrugging my shoulders. “I want to be done trying.” I blurt, tears evident in my voice with each word dropping from my lips. The words are surprising to me when they hit the air but after they are out, I’m glad. I know this is the right decision. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“Okay.” He answers, grabbing my hand and giving it a squeeze. He looks like he wants to say more, but the misery on my face stops him.

“Let’s go say goodnight to our baby.”

Kevin and I walk silently downstairs to where my parents are sitting with Luca in the kitchen. He is happily snacking on a piece of pizza and a cheese stick. My eyes blur for a brief moment when I look at him. I love this kid so damn much. I love being a mom. I love having Kevin as my co-parent. I want to add to our family so badly. Why isn’t it in our cards right now?

“Bye sweet boy.” I gently press my nose into Luca’s hair, not kissing him to avoid transferring my dark lipstick to his face. “Thank you for taking care of him tonight.” I say to my parents as Kevin says goodbye next.

“Of course.” My mom murmurs. Her eyes are inquisitive as she studies me. “That green is the perfect color for you, honey.” I smile politely at her, not able to respond. Kevin’s hand on the small of my back saves me from further scrutiny.

“We should be back by 10:30.” Kevin says to them.

“No worries. Take your time.” She waves us off. “We will have plenty of fun here.”

Kevin and I wave goodbye then head out to the garage to get into the car. The Porsche roars to life under Kevin’s foot as we pull out of the driveway and head west to the city. It’s a quick ten miles down Interstate 94 before Kevin is pulling off and beginning the twists and turns to the venue. He rubs at the skin of his jaw as he drives, eyes focused on the road but mind obviously elsewhere.

“Maybe it’s me?” Kevin breaks the silence as we wait for a red light. “Maybe something is wrong with my part?” I shrug my shoulders, shaking my head.

“At this point, it doesn’t really matter, Kev. I just can’t keep feeling this way every month.”

“Babe, we have options. We can go to a specialist and see what might be the issue.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Are you sure?” His hand releases from the wheel and he laces our fingers together. “We might get answers or suggestions.”

“I’m sure.” My tone is final as Kevin drives forward, continuing to bring us deeper into St. Paul.

The silence descends on us again. Once we reach the venue, we pull into the valet line. The attendant tells us we need to wait for a minute as the next valet is dashing back from the parking ramp. Kevin’s hand is still in mine as the music from my Spotify wraps around us. I fidget with the clip on my YSL clutch. I can feel his gaze on me as we wait. I have nothing left to say or do or convey about this decision. Only the knowing that I can’t keep subjecting myself to this heartbreak month after month.

“I love you, baby.” His tender tone is instantly soothing to me. It wraps around my heart, easing into the cracks and chips there from this entire experience. In this moment, where I struggle to love me, my husband shows up unconditionally. Kevin’s voice is holding me up while the hurtful thoughts want to consume me until I don’t resurface. My green eyes meet his in a glance that speaks a million words all at once. All I can speak to him is four:

“I love you too.”

Yet, in the end it’s enough because what else is there to say but that?

#letters in your last name au #kevin fiala #Kevin Fiala Fic #los angeles kings #my writing #hockey fan fiction #hockey writing #NHL writing

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needleanddead · 2 years

Note

"No longer being allowed to sleep or shower or bathe alone,"

Now I spent my whole day daydreaming about that. Just Lucas bathing his relatively new love, one he's not had sex with yet. just washing them roughly at first, they were bad, he's a little angry, scrubbing a little too hard. But then it dawns on him what he's doing, washing his love. Them all naked and wet, skin flush and soft, and his touch turns softer, gentler, maybe using his fingers to wash off the soap suds instead of the cloth. Just feeling them up, gentle touches down the chest, over nipples, fluttering between their thighs. Clicking his tongue and grabbing a little too tight when they get squirmy or complain.

Maybe he leaves it at that, or maybe he gets too overwhelmed and mc finds themselves forced to cum around his fingers, or Lucas cant take it anymore and drags them to the bedroom!

cw: forced intimacy, not sfw, non-con, victim-blame mindset

One of my favourite yandere things is the absolute stripping of any agency; being able to take away things that you didn't realise you took for granted, until you pushed their patience a little too far and proved that you needed to be kept on a tighter leash. Lucas excels in this - and he does it all (mostly) genuinely, because he does see danger in everything and if he can't trust them, that makes them all the more likely to walk into it head-first!

They cannot brush your own hair; cannot dress themselves (his hands are warm, palms calloused, an obvious swallow in the bob of his throat as he brushes their bare skin and picks out their clothes for them. How utterly humiliating, to not even be allowed to do up their own buttons, or tell him that they've never liked wearing this shade of blue - but they're aware of what he could do, if he wanted, and they're unwilling to argue). Perhaps he will have to cut up their food for them. Perhaps he might even have to feed them himself.

(That's not to mention how, if he has needed to resort to physical violence and broken bones, they'll require him to do those things. Lucas would never hurt them in a way that lasted, of course, but perhaps it might plant the seed of fear into their minds that perhaps if Lucas enjoys their helplessness so much, a broken bone is not too far off from one crushed beyond all repair and removed).

So, no. You cannot shower or bathe yourself. What if you were to drown yourself? What if you were to slip on wet tiles, cut yourself? So it's his responsibility to do that. And . . . yes, anon. You've hit the nail on the head, almost. He sometimes doesn't think things through all that much - he's a man of simple needs and simple desires, and so it might take a little while for him to realise just how vulnerable they are. But once he does . . . He may very well find himself getting carried away. Where do they have to squirm away to, when there's six foot two of scar and muscle blocking the nearest door, with hands that are capable of more than they would like to think on.

If he does feel kind, and they do end up coming on his fingers (or in his palm), he's murmuring soft reassurances the whole time; passing comment on how wet or how hard they are for him, how much he adores them too. He's the kind of man who sees their coming as a profession of their equal desire for him - if they did not want him, if they didn't like it, why would they have trembled so nicely under his touch?

It won't be enough. Perhaps they can sniffle and tremble and tell him they're overwhelmed and they can't go any further yet, but all that does is delay what is now the inevitable.

#lucas tag #non con cw #not sfw

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strangerthingsfanfics · 2 years

Text

Take it from me they will break

Saving Him

Pair: Eddie X reader

Warning: spoilers

Summary: Can Y/N and Dustin, save Eddie, before it’s too late?

A/N: requested by @reader-fangirl

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Since the start of Spring break and finding out the Eddie, got into tied up with cops and Vecna, you would help but think what if everything goes wrong. You knew sooner or later one day the group won’t be able to win without losing a couple of friends. You felt this weird gut feeling that something was gonna go wrong. You didn’t tell anyone because you didn’t want to freak anyone.

“WE NEED MUSIC!”

“THIS IS MUSIC!!”

You finally got back to reality when you heard Eddie and Robin, arguing over what music to play for Nancy. You couldn’t help but laugh on how Eddie, was passionate about Metal. Once Nancy, got out of Venca’s trance, she talked about everything she saw from his past to how he told her to warn El.

“We need a plan.”.

“We need weapons. Let’s go to down that store, that’s on the outskirts of town. Nobody will be there.”

“You mean were the angry hicks are?”

“Nobody will be there. Now we need a car.”

Eddie jumped up and said he has a perfect car, but he can’t be seen. Max, gave him, her Halloween mask. While sneaking to the van, you couldn’t help laugh and smile. It felt good for once this couple of weeks that something finally felt somewhat normal. Like nothing could ruin this moment. To you it felt like a bunch of friends that are going away from the hectic town. While in the van, Eddie, hot wired it and made Steve, drive. You knew right away to sit down because you didn’t trust Steve, or anyone to drive it. Eddie, came to you and sat by you and gave your thighs a small squeeze while giving you a small kiss on your lips and forehead.

“You okay?”

“I am.”

Before you knew if you were at the store. While everyone got down Eddie, stood behind for his safety reasons. Once in the store you saw it was packed. You knew it was a bad idea on going but you needed stuff to fight Venca and the bats. Everyone went on their own to go get different things. While looking at some of the weapons you heard someone who sounded familiar. It was Jason.

“Where’s your satanic boyfriend at?”

“No clue.”

“Why are you buying a weapon?”

“For safety, this town is full of unimaginable thing. You can never be too careful.”

Jason gave you a weird looked and pulled your weapon to him. He tried to scare you, and you got somewhat scared because what if Jason and his friends mess up the plan? Jason kept looking you up and down and trying to find a reaction from you.

“You’re hiding your freak of a boyfriend and I will find him and hurt him.”

“I’m not hiding, but if you find him, let me know.”

Everyone got what they needed and ran to the van and drove as fast as they can to a field. While getting everything set up. You heard Steve and Robin, talk about how about if this time doesn’t go as planned. You couldn’t help but get the weird gut feeling again.

“You okay, sweetheart?”

“Yes I am, I’m just ready to get this over with.”

“So am I, after this it’s graduation and we’re running the hell out of there!”

Everyone was happy and for once nobody seemed stressed. Maybe everyone was? But them talking made it seem so normal. While getting lost in thought you heard Eddie and Dustin, jack around. You knew deep down Eddie, had a soft place for Dustin and Mike. Eddie, saw himself in them and how they were bullied. They were just like him in one way or another. Once everyone was ready everyone back into the van for once last time. While back at the gate everyone looked at each other and gave a reassuring smile. Everyone got into their places and just wanted for Erica, Lucas, and Max, to give the signal. When they did everyone got ready. You, Eddie, and Dustin, for ready for the bats to come while Eddie, played Master Of Puppets by Metallic, you and Dustin, looked at Eddie in awe. You always loved it when Eddie, played the guitar for you. He would alway okay your favorite songs whenever you needed something to pick you up.

“30 seconds!”

“20 seconds!”

“10 seconds! Let’s go!”. You and Dustin, screaming while hurting to get off the van.

Once inside the van, you felt the gut feeling again. You knew something was gonna happen. The bats were trying to get in and a couple did from the bedroom vents. It happened with a couple of seconds you and Dustin were back the world whole Eddie, was in the upside down. Eddie, cut the sheets and moved the mattress. Your heart started to jump out of your chest from the anxiety. You and Dustin, rushed to get something to jump into the gate. Dustin was first and ended up hurting himself. He put the mattress for you so you didn’t get hurt. Both of you saw him on a bike. You picked up your weapons and ran for him. While running you saw him get knocked down by the bats.

“Eddie!!” You and Dustin screamed.

It was like out of nowhere the bats just dropped. You and Dustin ran to Eddie, and saw that he was badly hurt. You knew it was life or death for him. You weren’t gonna let him die. You picked up Eddie, gently and made your way to the trailer.

“Stay with me Eddie!”

“Let me go! It’s okay to let me go Y/N!”

“No!!” You and Dustin screamed.

Once in the trailer you went first and gently helped Eddie, into the world. You ran for the van and put Eddie in.

“Dustin, put pressure on the wounds and Eddie, stay awake!”. Dude gave you a nod.

“I didn’t run this time.”

“It was my year dude. I love you man.”

“I love you too man!”

“Y/N, I’m losing him, do chest compressions. Push down and up on his chest if he passes out! You gotta do it on beat. Think of a fast song in your head and follow along with the beat! Im driving as fast as I can to the next town!”

While driving you couldn’t help but looking back in the mirror and cry. You knew something was gonna go wrong. You didn’t think you might lose the love of your life. Memories of you and him kept flashing your head and before you knew it you were at the hospital.

“We need help! Some animals attacked him!”. You screamed for nurses and doctors to rush over to Eddie. While they rolled Eddie, into the ER, you pulled Dustin, close and both you cried into each other arms. Both you waited hours for the doctors to come back.

“He’s gonna be okay. We wanna keep him in the hospital for a week or two to make sure he doesn’t have rabies.”. “You can go see him now, he isn’t awake, so be quiet.”

You and Dustin, basically ran for his room and whole running you felt the ground shake you. Both you gave each other a concerning looking. While entering Eddie’s room, you saw his state and broke down crying. Dustin and you stood in his room for awhile and decided it was best to head him and go find everyone else. Within a week Eddie, was better. He was hiding out at some abounded house in the forest. You and Dustin thought about running to give him food weekly, till many portals opened and destroyed half of the town.

Everyone in the group went down to either help at the school or help El, with Hooper’s cabin. While at the school, you saw Eddie’s uncle. You and Dustin walked over and broke them news to him. You just told his uncle that Eddie, alive but hiding and you can take him to Eddie. When you heard he was nearly half way out the door. While driving you couple notice weird looking clouds and felt the gut feeling again. You knew something was coming and it was bigger. You push those feelings to the side and just rushed to Eddie.

When Eddie, saw his uncle he just ran for him.

“I didn’t kill those people!”

“I know you didn’t. You should stay hiding and change your name and stay away from Hawkins.”

“I nearly died for that town and they painted me as a killer.”

“They did, but turn your back on them like they did to you.”

While watching them you felt ash fall on you and you noticed it wasn’t ash but those particles from the upside down. Eddie, Dustin, and his uncle noticed. You gave everyone a look of concern. Eddie pulled you in for some comfort. You pulled Dustin in and have him a look of sadness. You just got back Eddie, and you’re not gonna lose him or Dustin.

#eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x reader #stranger things #eddie munson

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surrealsunday · 1 year

Note

i hate that it took me too long to do it but i FINALLY read chapter 8! just saw you posted chapter 9 a few hours ago and i’m abt to read it but i just wanted to send you my thoughts of this chapter bfr i forget ahahah 😭

gooosh the pain at first was unbearable, like imagining both of them being such a mess, lack of sleep and sm tears…wanted to give them a tight hug and never let go 🥺 (also idriss’ story mentioning eliott with “your bags have bags bro” is so relatable sbsjdb)

also the fact that he’s slowly realizing and it actually hits him that his feelings for lucas are stronger than he thought, that he’s slowing falling in love with him, wether with the others comments or his own thoughts 🥺 then basile and arthur saying they decided to tell lucas everything, wow!

but the moment lucas stepped surprisingly into the studio, seeing that painting (i SCREAMED seeing the pic of the painting btw, i mean 🤌🏻🔥) and letting all his feelings out, his insecurities MY BOY JUST PROTECT HIM AT ALL COST!! (also just the image of lucas wearing a sweater a bit too large for him 🥺🥺), AND THE “i hate…” SCENE PLS, i love the og sm and here just picturing lucas saying all of this to eliott with tears in his eyes, wow! sm chills!

then the second ‘grand gesture’ of eliott…THE WAY I EXPECTED HIM TO DO IT AHAHAHHA 🤣 that moment when he shows it to lucas was so sweet (and emotional too obviously), they both love eo so deeply it’s insane! the way lucas never let go of eliott’s arm throughout the entire thing 🥺 eliott not quite saying “i love you”, but admitting he fell for him, the tattoo’s explanations, him loving the tattooed flowers as soon as lucas entered his life, basically that everything’s worth it as long as it’s lucas, for him…MY HEART! (also lucas making sure eliott is his with the “ever again, indirectly admitting he, too, sees a future w/ eliott 🥺) then they finally kissed again and the way i felt so soft, i love them so so much 💗 i couldn’t stop giggling and smiling so big, like they found one another again, my babies <33 lucas’ “you trying to eat me?” BYE IBOL he’s so unserious lmaoo, but then the “we take it one step at a time” + “we have time”…yeah they clearly have all the time in the world, their entire life actually ✨

aaah that giddy, soft and happy state they radiate every time, no matter the pain we and they had before, will never not hit me big ngl, their power 🔥

still cant believe we’ll soon have to say goodbye to them, again… 😔

btw i hope you had a great week and that getting back to work went great and wasn’t too harsh ♥️

Ahhhh but I love reading your comments!

I liked the idea that Eliott slowly realizes how strong his feelings are. It's not so much that they surprise him but that he just hesitates to accept them because they happened so fast. But then once he does... he's all in. That felt very Eliott to me.

Ah yes, the studio moment. I had wondered for a while when I was writing how I would go about that moment. I knew I didn't want it to be a public setting. Not when the Charles reveal had been a public humiliation. Lucas deserved to have that moment in private. And yes omg the image of Lucas. I always see the scenes perfectly in my head and him standing there in a big sweater with his eyes filling with tears and just looking so vulnerable... I had to inflict it on all of you too lol.

I'm so glad you liked the scene with Eliott's gesture and the making up. I really wanted to get across how much they both WANT to make up. Like Lucas was betrayed and he has all the reason to still be very angry but at the end of the day, he's falling in love and he doesn't want to lose Eliott anymore than Eliott wants to lose him. So it's not so much a 'and now things are fixed' moment, as it is a 'we care enough to move past this and try' moment.

I can't believe it's ending soon either! I think that's while I'll take some time this week just to work on the next chapter a little more slowly. Gotta savour those last moments with them!

#10 things fic

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pretty-emo-dad · 1 year

Text

I posted 511 times in 2022

101 posts created (20%)

410 posts reblogged (80%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@madwheelerz

@aemiron-main

@kidovna

@knightl1ng

@no-ordinary-demigirl

I tagged 440 of my posts in 2022

Only 14% of my posts had no tags

#stranger things - 287 posts

#mike wheeler - 198 posts

#byler - 144 posts

#will byers - 90 posts

#lucas sinclair - 58 posts

#el hopper - 53 posts

#max mayfield - 48 posts

#eleven hopper - 47 posts

#jane hopper - 43 posts

#dustin henderson - 29 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#spurred on by my heart aching and wanting to cry inside everytime one of my friends say “i think i left my beanie at [other persons] house’

My Top Posts in 2022:

Thinking about everyone in the party just stealing Lucas’ clothes and everyone has their favorites. Like with Erica of course it’s just their laundry getting mixed or the first jacket she sees before getting the mail but she loves taking the expensive sunglasses he never wears out places with her bc it makes him mad. And then Max mixes up the matching stuff they bought all the time but also steals shirts she likes. Dustin wears Lucas’ bandannas and his hat from season one actually used to be Lucas’. Will hates the cold ever since the MF so Lucas will just give him hoodies and flannels that aren’t his style, Will loves the jacket with the fuzzy collar. El is a chronic shirt stealer with both Lucas and Will, and her favorite is the shirt she wore before the piggyback. Mike claims to hate sports (and he does) but has taken Lucas’ windbreaker hostage and wears his letterman every chance he gets

128 notes - Posted November 15, 2022

What I say: I’m fine

What I mean: Mike wheeler has been established as a caring,supportive, and protective friend from very early on in the story. The only time he ever has outburst of anger/moodiness are in times when he’s under emotional distress. The entirety of season 3 Mike is acting out towards Will. Its established that Mike often takes his anger out on other people (“what is wrong with you” to El in season 1, punching hopper in season 2) Most of these times he’s angry at himself for his own shortcomings, he’s projecting. The big Mike Wheeler argument of season three isn’t him breaking up with his girlfriend, it’s him and will’s fight, where he says “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls”. Why would Mike, a caring devoted friend, someone who’s seen Will be bullied and been bullied himself, say that to his closest friend. In this context the argument doesn’t make any sense, unless mike is projecting his internalized homophobia onto Will. In this essay I will-

203 notes - Posted June 22, 2022

Dustin being all “it’s so funny that you all have types” and everyone immediately being like “NO I DONT???”

And Dustin is just like “….Lucas, you like brooding people that have a special soft side, max and mike are mean as fuck but you still love them, and will is a quiet brooder but broody nonetheless”

“Eleven Hopper I love you so much but me and max are the biggest dorks around you, you like girls who’s brains go dumb at the sight of you. And I know Mike was your beard but him and max are literally the same person different font”

“Speaking of mike- El being your beard HAD to be projection because there’s no fucking way you found the nicest person in the party that WASNT Lucas or Will on accident. You did that shit subconsciously and you need to know it. Also will and Lucas are buff as shit”

“Will you like guys who are nice to and would die for you, but you can also bicker with like an old married couple. I think you knew this already tho, love u”

“Max ur literally dating Lucas and El, who cant be too close without me actually tearing up because they are so Nice. They’re also super protective and you act like you don’t like it but you do. I know this cuz we’re besties”

And everyone is just like stunned into silence

301 notes - Posted September 24, 2022

Wait actually I’m thinking about how if Will and mike are stuck in the upside down in s5 the lighting will be mainly blue for them… and this season the lighting was mainly yellow. Yellow means wills pov and blue means mikes are u picking up what I am putting down

355 notes - Posted September 25, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Elmike breaking up bc they’re both gay only to be in love v the opposite gender versions of each other is so

462 notes - Posted August 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #This is so silly goofy of me #Also hella shocked mike wasn’t my number one tag

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moonctzeny · 3 years

Note

Can I request WayV reaction to you suddenly avoiding skinship/intimacy because you don't feel attractive anymore after they rejected you once? (they were tired or just not in the mood at that time)

WayV reaction - you avoid intimacy out of insecurity after they rejected your skinship

warnings: WinWin's gets a tiny bit suggestive, alcohol consumption

▪️Kun

He looked so good when he cooked. You couldn’t stop your eyes from following the veins on his arms as he cut the various vegetables in the smallest of pieces. Your fingers ached to run across their length so you let them, stroking the little hairs in the opposite direction from their growth in the meantime.

“Y/n, not now”, he whines with a strictness in his voice that has you withering away from him.

You stayed quiet for the rest of the cooking, watching Kun in silence until he finally put the dish in the oven to cook. He walks over to your seat on the countertop, fitting himself between your legs. His hands find their place on each of your shoulders, making their way down to your elbows lovingly, yet you go rigid at the feeling and back away from his touch.

“Y/n, are you okay?”

“Do I annoy you sometimes?”

Kun’s eyebrows shoot up at your question, dropping his hands immediately to wrap them around your wrists instead.

“Never. What makes you think that?”

“You seemed pretty annoyed at me when you were cooking earlier”

His face stays frozen for a second, trying to figure out what exactly you were talking about. You’re taken aback when he starts to laugh light-heartedly, planting a kiss on your pouty lips.

“I didn’t tell you to stop because I didn’t like you touching me, baby. I needed you to stop because I liked it too much”

▪️Ten

You avoided his kisses like the plague. He wasn’t sure what had gotten into you, usually your nights visiting his dorm consisted of the both of you cuddling each other to death, napping in sheets that smelled of him and inviting the cats that snuggled between you. However now, the more he tried to approach you, the more you scooted away from him, and your excuses were starting to run out.

“Are you avoiding me or something?”

You shake your head negatively, avoiding eye contact so that he doesn’t see through you. But Ten is intuitive, especially when it comes to you, so he repeats the question again until he gets a sigh as an answer.

“You told me off pretty badly when I tried to kiss you an hour ago you know…”

“When I was drawing? You pushed my hand on accident and I missed like, half of my work!”

When he sees you continuing to be visibly upset at him, despite his light and teasing tone, he lifts your hand from your lap to his lips, kissing your wrist, then your palm, then your ring finger.

“I’m sorry if I said something I shouldn’t”, he leans over to peck your lips mid-sentence, and his voice is too soothing for you to resist him, “You know how much I love to kiss you.”

As if to prove his point he brings you closer again, and he smiles into the kiss when he feels you deepening it.

“I could taste your lips forever”

▪️WinWin

Your boyfriend was never big on skinship and you knew. You understood his paranoia of holding hands in public, even with sunglasses and a big mask covering half of his handsome face. Being a celebrity isn’t easy and you had come to terms with that, but you didn’t know he would react so coldly to you in this private party with his members being the only ones invited.

You were a little tipsy, holding on to Sicheng’s arm for stability, and admittedly you just wanted a little love from your boyfriend. Pulling his hair out of his eyes, you pucker your lips at him, waiting for a kiss that never came.

“What is up with you today? You’re all over me!”

The drive home was quiet, your whole body facing away from him, eyes staring outside the window or anywhere else but him. You weren’t angry, just sad if anything else, and Sicheng felt he had enough when you started to storm off to your shared bedroom without him. A hand on your wrist stops you abruptly.

“Why are you like this? You’ve been quiet ever since we left the party”

“Do you not find me attractive anymore?”

The filter between your brain and mouth had vanished from the alcohol, shocking Sicheng with your candor.

“What on earth makes you think that?”

“You never kiss me in front of your friends. It’s like you're embarrassed of being seen with me…”

Your boyfriend’s eyebrows furrow, almost meeting on the base of his forehead before he pushes you up against the entrance door. The kiss he initiates is full of passion and something animalistic that you’ve always thought looks good on him. It isn't long before the hands that you so desperately needed on your body before formed bruises on the skin over your hipbones.

“The reason why I don’t kiss you in public is because I won’t be able to stop, not when you always look so pretty. And then I will make you look needy and breathless and messy, just like you do right now. I don’t want anyone else to see you like this. You’re too damn beautiful. You’re mine.”

▪️Lucas

Skinship and Lucas were synonyms when it came to your relationship. He loved getting to touch you at all times, whether it was a big, suffocating hug or just his large hands on the small of your back. You were barely awake when your boyfriend came back to your apartment, his busy schedule with SuperM keeping his side of the bed colder than you’d like. He didn’t even bother to wash up, just took his clothes off and covered himself up with your shared duvet and his chest facing your own. Satisfied with his mere presence, you scoot over, and lay one arm over his waist, bringing yourself closer. It was a shock to you when he turned to the other side, unwrapping your arm in the process and letting it fall in the space between you.

You decided not to address the incident that left a sting to your heart the next morning, spending the whole day with Lucas since it was rare for him to be free of any schedules. It was absolutely lovely, from the movie you watched to the homemade food you prepared for the both of you. Until the sun set again.

“Are you going back to your dorm now?”, you ask him while doing the dishes, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.

“Why would I do that?”

“I don’t know, maybe you prefer sleeping in your own bed. Alone.”

Your back is facing him but you can sense the pout forming on his handsome features. You feel his body heat as he comes closer to you and wraps his arms around you, only for you to squirm away from his hold and pat your hands dry, leaving the sink.

“What’s wrong?”, Lucas asks quietly, his eyes doubling in size.

“It’s just that last night when I tried to cuddle you to sleep you avoided me… It’s okay if you don’t want to crash here you know-”

“Babe, babe”, he starts, taking your hands in his, “I was dirty and sweaty last night. I didn’t have the energy to shower and I felt gross. I would never reject a night with you”

“Really?”

“Really. Now how about we go to bed and I give you those cuddles that I owe you?”

▪️Xiaojun

It was rare to see Xiaojun be so frustrated with anything. He’d been sitting on that same spot of the bed for hours now, guitar propped up on his lap and a blank sheet of paper in front of him. You tried to relieve his stress anyway you could, massaging his shoulders, kissing his cheek every time he sighed. And while your boyfriend accepted them at first, soon you saw him bend away from your acts of affection, so much so that you were worried about whether you have angered him.

An icky feeling weighed you down when he kept ignoring you as time went by, realizing that today was not the day you’d get the quality time you craved from your boyfriend. Quiet so as not to bother him, you start to collect your things and pack them back into your bag, the sound of the zipper finally catching Xiaojun’s attention.

“Where are you going?”

“You seem busy. I’ll come by another day”

“No no no!”, he exclaims, swiftly pulling his guitar aside, “I was looking forward to seeing you”

“Well you don’t seem to want any love from me right now. We can reschedule our date night for another time”

You didn’t expect him to jump up on his feet so quickly, neither to pull you into a hug as tight. His words come out muffled from your hair that is covering his mouth as he kisses it.

“Don’t leave, please. I’m sorry I was ignoring you”

“No, I’m sorry if I overstepped your personal space”

You soothe out the wrinkles that have formed between his pretty eyebrows with your thumb, taking a moment to appreciate his warm smile before he brings you into a long kiss.

“I’m stuck on this song that I’m writing. Maybe I just need inspiration”

▪️Hendery

“Why are you looking in the mirror so much?”

In the span of the last hour you managed to feel insecure over your hair, your skin, your choice of clothing. You thought you were being subtle when checking out yourself, the reflection only making you wanna shrink even more with every quick glance.

“Do you still find me as attractive as you did when we first met? Like do you ever get butterflies on your stomach anymore?”

“Why are you asking me this all of a sudden?”

You sigh, rubbing your face in embarrassment. Being content in yourself was a challenge on its own, even more so when your boyfriend looked like that.

“When we first started dating we were all over each other. I wouldn’t even make it past your bedroom door before you kissed me everywhere. Ten called us disgusting all the time.”

“And?”

“And now it’s been an hour since I came here and you haven’t even touched me...”

Hendery sighs, and runs his fingers through his hair defeatedly. With a soft hand motion he encourages you to come lie next to him on his bed, cupping your face before leaving a kiss on your lips.

“When we first started dating I couldn’t believe you were mine. I had this urgency in me like I had to taste as much of you as I could. Like you would slip away from my fingers, but-”

“But?”

Hendery takes your hand in his, and starts a trail of shiver-inducing kisses from your wrist up to your shoulder, so slow that you thought he’d never finish his sentence.

“But I realized that it wasn’t fair to you. I want to love you like we have a lifetime ahead, not like our time is running out. I want to love you like you deserve, and I want to take my time”

▪️Yangyang

He was playing that damn video game again. Yangyang always looked so cute when he was concentrating so heavily, lips pursed in a pout and eyes following the different players on the screen. Desperate to feel the softness of his hoodie and comfort on his embrace you come closer to him, attempting to sit on his lap.

“He’s behind you! Shoot! Shoot!” You jump up from your seat along with him, wrapping your hands around his neck to keep your balance. “Babe not now! You made me miss the screen!”

Hurt by his sharp tone and volume of his voice you start to get up, hating the burning feeling of the fresh tears that begged to escape the corners of your eyes.

Yangyang’s grip on your elbow stops you before you leave his lap, a worried look painted on his face.

“What’s wrong? Are you crying?”

“You know sometimes you get so into your games that you yell at me over nothing…”

His pretty face falls into a frown, whole body rigid and focused on your sad expression.

“Baby, come here”

Throwing one leg over his lap, Yangyang turns you around in his hold so that you’re facing him. His fingers pet your hair until you close your eyes in bliss, your breath slowing down until it matches his.

“You’re right. I’m so, so sorry if I said something that hurt you. Will you please stay here? You’re my lucky charm. My beautiful, lucky charm that fits right into my lap”

You smile at his sweet words, letting your head rest against his neck and enjoying the little backrubs he gave you until he felt you were fully relaxed. You easily fell asleep in his arms, your sweet dreams interrupted only from the kisses he left on your temples.

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hxt1b · 3 years

Text

Know Your Type

Jaehyun x Reader

Requested Prompt 21 "you want me to go out with him"

Genre: Angst, College AU

Warning: Swearing, Smut

WC: 2.3k

Masterlist

Prompt List, for any requests you guys may have. I'm currently taking them again!

A/N: I apologize for the grammatical issues I did read it over but some things may have still slipped through.

I hope you guys like this, please let me know what you think! Feedback is appreciated.

"I know what type of guys you like." Jaehyun boasted. You scoffed at him, he most definitely did not.

"Fine then point at a guy you want me to go out with. Since you know my type so well. If you guess right I'll ask him out." You challenged. It wasn't that Jaehyun didn't know you. He did, he just didn't know who you liked because you couldn't look at him and tell him it was, in fact, him.

Too many thoughts would go through your head every time you thought about telling him. The fact that he could reject you and then you'd lose a friend was terrifying to you. So you stayed quiet.

"Him," Jaehyun said and pointed at a boy across the room, he was tucked into the corner an unlit cigarette hanging from his lips as he tapped away at his phone.

You knew him, Lucas was a great guy. A great guy with a girlfriend.

"You want me to go out with him?" You couldn't help but laugh, your shoulder bumped into his as you did.

"He has a girlfriend." You said, "Plus he's not the guy I like." Jaehyun froze next to you.

"You like someone?"

Suddenly the couch you were sitting on wasn't big enough for the two of you. You didn't realize you'd said that, he'd just been trying to demonstrate your type.

"No."

"But you said you did."

You couldn't reply to that. So you just stared at him as his face lit up.

"Tell me who." He said his face getting closer to yours.

"No." You deadpanned, and he frowned.

"I bet you I can get you to tell if you have enough shots." You narrowed your eyes at his challenge again. Before you let him know that it was game on.

This was how you and Jaehyun worked. Playful bets placed practically all the time, every little aspect of life was a game, and honestly, you liked it that way. You liked the way he laughed when he won, the dimply smiles that would adorn his face for the rest of the day. You liked the way he pouted when he lost, the complaining that would ensue was also something you wouldn't change. You liked the way he answered your phone and if he missed the call he called back within seconds. You liked that he called you randomly sometimes, a random 'I bet…' followed by something insane would leave his mouth and you'd always play into it. You liked him, everything about him and you loved your friendship. It was hard but you wouldn't ever tell him you liked him. Because you couldn't give him up.

Jaehyun and you sat in a random room in the house, a huge bottle of vodka in-between you. The bottle was once full, you'd and Jaehyun had drank a considerable amount.

"So Y/N, who do you like?" Jaehyun asked his words slightly slurred, the effects of the alcohol in full force. You stared at him, taking in the lift of his mouth as he smirked at you, the way his left dimple appeared as he did so.

You unconsciously were leaning into him.

"And if I tell you what do I get?" You asked your hand digging into the carpet in between you as your weight settled onto it.

Jaehyun lowered his head to yours so that his nose was almost brushing yours.

"You get to know that your best friend in the whole wide world will wingman you."

"And what if that meant you'd be wing manning me for yourself?" You asked, your voice soft as the words left you.

Jaehyun looked at you slowly registering the words that left you. Anxiety rolled in your stomach as you watched him blink at you.

Fuck.

You knew you shouldn't have told him.

Jaehyun cleared his throat as leaned away from him.

"You like me?" He asked, you turned your head away from him. Suddenly all the alcohol in your system was gone. You slowly nodded, not being able to look back at him.

He cleared his throat again, the silence was drowning you as the discomfort in the room grew. Eventually, Jaehyun pulled his phone out of his pocket. Tapping at his screen a few times as he got up.

"So I- I just got a text from Jungwoo he needs me." You closed your eyes.

Fuck vodka.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

But you didn't.

You didn't see him for a week. The first day you left him alone, the second day you thought maybe something had happened considering Jungwoo had called him that night. So you texted him, he didn't reply. You texted him again only to be left on read. The third day you tried calling him, that failed as well. You very quickly realized he was ignoring you.

He came into your shared class on Wednesday followed by Jungwoo, and they sat with you. But Jungwoo sat in the middle and Jaehyun left halfway through the class. You didn't try after that, you didn't know how.

Your head hurt that day because you couldn't help but cry. You knew you were right not to tell him, you knew you were right about the fact that the moment you told him you'd lose him.

The opening of your apartment door drew you from your thoughts. Doyoung walked in holding a bag of takeout in his hand.

"You look like shit." He said as his eyes swept over you. You laughed at his words.

"Thanks."

Doyoung set the takeout on the coffee table before heading into your kitchen to grab cutlery.

"He ignored me in class on Wednesday." You said as you looked down at your hands. Your eyes stinging again.

"You'd think that he would know how to act like an adult. If he doesn't like you back he doesn't have to cut you off."

You nodded, but he had. Because that was how Jaehyun was.

"Every girl I become friends with always ruins it by falling in love with me," Jaehyun grumbled as he sat across from you.

"Humble." You muttered.

"I'm not joking like I don't mean it as a prick. I just mean I want someone I can be friends with, without them wanting to suck my dick." You looked at him your eyebrows raising.

Eventually, you rolled your eyes, a chuckle leaving you. "You want a girl to not want you for sex. How ironic."

"Listen I sleep with girls," He started.

"A lot go girls," You interjected

"But I don't pretend to be their friend." He finished.

"Such a saint you are Jaehyun."

You weren't close back then, you grew close though over the year since then. To the point that you were inseparable. Until now.

"Whatever forget him, let's drown in food," Doyoung said, he didn't make it to the couch before the apartment door was opening again.

Only two people besides you had a key, one of them was already in the apartment.

You stared at Jaehyun as he looked at Doyoung.

"Oh, you're here." He said.

"Yes, I'm here," Doyoung replied.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have just shown up I guess." He said and retreated out of the apartment. You stared at Doyoung, who let out a loud sigh.

"Okay fine, go after him. I'm going to start eating though." You nodded as you shot out of your spot on the couch.

Slipping into a pair of flip flips you charged out the door. The elevator closed as you rounded the corner. So you settled for the stairs.

You looked crazy, you knew you did. You were wearing an oversized t-shirt with stains on it, you weren't wearing any pants you just had on your underwear. Your eyes were swollen from the crying earlier, and your hair was up in a messy bun. Well, half of it was.

You stopped to breathe as you hit the main floor, your throat hurting from your lack of air. Somewhere in your brain, you were looking at yourself wondering what the fuck you were doing. But at the forefront of your mind was Jaehyun.

You pushed out the doors seeing him walking to his car.

"Hey!" You called running down the few steps as he stopped right beside his car.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" You asked loudly, as you charged towards him.

"I-" You cut him off before he could even truly start.

"No actually, fuck you. You ignored me for a week. Then you chose to show up without a text, let alone a call. So what I told you I liked you and that's it? You forced me to tell you!"

You were frantic, and angry and needed to yell at him because if you weren't yelling you would cry. You didn't even care if the people sitting in their apartments heard the commotion and looked out.

Jaehyun stood silently in front of you fiddling with his keys.

"Am I really that awful, that if I did like you the only option you'd have is; run away?" You asked, finally letting your voice quiet down as your confidence faded. Your brain being hit with the fact that he may have come to grab his things. The few things he'd left around your apartment. Like his hoodie, his many pairs of socks, the t-shirt you were in right now.

"No," He finally answered. His eyes finally coming up to your face.

"Then why have you been ignoring me?" You asked, your eyes stinging again as you tried not to cry.

Jaehyun took a step towards you, grabbing your arm and pulling you into him. You let him.

"I had to think. I needed to think about what you said." He said, his head resting on top of yours. You thought about pushing him away. You thought about storming back into your apartment and leaving him here, but you wanted to be in his arms you couldn't push away. So instead you grabbed his t-shirt tightly and pulled him closer to you.

"I like you too, Y/N." He spoke softly, "I was just shocked when you said it to me at the party. I didn't know how to react so I ran. I'm so sorry for ignoring you. I know I'm a dick. I know I'll have to make it up to you and I will."

"You were shocked so you decided that not talking to me was the way to go?" You asked, your voice muffled into his chest.

"I never said I was smart." He said making you softly giggle.

"You like me?" You asked turning your head up and looking at him. He nodded down at you.

"Yes."

Maybe you were too quick to give in, maybe you weren't. All you knew was that a week's worth of trouble boiled down to a few words and you weren't willing to draw it out any longer. You could talk about it more later if you wanted to right now you just wanted him to hold you. You hadn't seen him for a week and you hated it.

He pressed his lips to yours gently, cautiously. But you quickly deepened the kiss, letting your tongue move across his bottom lip before letting him push his tongue against yours.

You moaned softly against him, your arms snaking around his neck as you pulled him closer to you. Jaehyun hit the side of the car as you two continued to kiss, his hands moving to your ass and pulling you flush against him. You could feel him hardening between you both. Your hips moving on their own grinding against him.

His lips left your mouth leaving hot kisses down the side of your jaw.

"It's cold." You whined as the cold air hit the trail of saliva he was leaving in his wake. Pulling his face away from you he unlocked his car.

"Doy-"

"He can wait." He said as he pulled open the back door and ushered you in. He scrambled in after you pulling you onto his lap as he did so.

"Fuck your so hot." He said. You giggled down at him.

"I'm in a stained t-shirt." You said as Jaehyun's hands crawled underneath it finding your boobs. You moaned when his cold fingers pinched at your nipples.

Your hands went to his crotch, palming him through his sweats drawing soft grunts from him. You looked up at his face as he moved his hands to your face bringing your mouth back down to his.

You pulled his erection out of his sweats bringing him to your clothed core and rubbing the head of his cock against yourself. Jaehyun hissed at your actions, his hand moving to the nape of your neck.

Jaehyun's other hand moved towards your core, pushing your underwear aside so that he could feel you on his cock. He bucked his hips up towards you. You moaned against him as he began to move between your folds coating his cock in your slick.

The tip of his dick hitting your clit with every move he made. Your mouth moved away from his, panting you looked down at where he was moving against you.

"Fuck." You muttered. Your head spinning with each of his movements.

A loud knocking on his car window scared you, your hands pulling Jaehyun to you as you both look out the car window.

Doyoung was staring down at you both.

"I'm going home." He said loud enough for you both to hear. "You two can move upstairs."

You laughed down at Jaehyun as Doyoung walked away.

"Were you going to leave after you fucked me?" You asked as you moved off him. Your brain going back to thinking in overdrive. Jaehyun grabbed your wrist pulling your hand to him and forcing you to look at him. His cock tucked away now.

"I'm sorry I ignored you. I do not plan on doing it again. I swear." You nodded at him and got out of the car, waiting for him to follow you.

"So you know what type of guys I like huh?" You asked as he used his key to get into your building.

"Yeah babe, you like douche bags." He said and smiled down at you, dimples and all. You bit the corner of your lip to try to not laugh. Yet you laughed anyway.

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angelguk · 3 years

Text

so much happens in this it’s such a huge mess omg. the return of the angst plot line of jock!jk (aka pretty boy universe please check ml for the other parts). this time featuring: Angst (with a capital A), miscommunication that makes you want to scream, chayoung’s true nature, namjoon catching stray bullets (figuratively), and lucas being a gem. also jungkook is somewhat semi-violent in this one (in terms of thoughts and some actions but no one gets hurt) so please don’t read this if that makes you uncomfortable. in general just an angry heartbroken boy. also oc is finally doing something good. listen to mess it up by gracie abrams + if we were made of water by banks + i will by mitksi + save room for us by tinashe. roughly 4.2k

titled — old friends, new foes

The spring scavenger hunt is an enormous success, all thanks to your careful planning and Bina’s much needed support. While you excelled at organising, you heavily lacked in the social aspect, something Bina fulfilled with smart marketing and a bright personality that drew in a larger crowd than you thought would appear. It's partially expected–she was head of the Events Committee for a reason–but it felt a little strange to lean onto her instead of Jeongguk. He was the one who usually spearheaded that side of your event plans, more than anyone else, and while planning this one you felt his absence tenfold. Like a gigantic gaping hole excavating through your chest and leaving behind a lonely hollow.

That hollowness surges when you spot him meandering towards the third location at the university courtyard, his fingers tangled with Hyeri’s. You slowly turn away from them, heart aching with each thud against your ribs, hoping they haven’t seen you. Maybe Bina sees the fall on your features because she’s gently tapping your arm, leaning in with a graceful brush of her amber locks over her shoulder.

“Are you okay?” Her voice is soft, feathering through the late afternoon breeze to reach your ear.

You’re about to say it, the pained ‘I’m fine' that had become a part of your routine. But then you hear him, loud effervescent laugh hitting the air, the sound striking your false demeanour down. Your vision blurs before you could choke the word out and suddenly Bina’s arm is firmly around you, guiding your heavy feet far away from the presence evoking your pain.

“I’m fine,” you finally manage to choke up, folding into yourself in the middle of a bench. She stares at you for a moment, before taking a deep breath and sharply clicking her tongue.

“You’re not.” Her eyes are gentle despite the harshness of her words. “I know this isn’t my place, but I do know why you stopped coming to committee meetings.”

The scoff you let out is instinctive. The jarring sound is a stark contrast to the action of your hand hurriedly wiping away the stray tears staining your cheeks. Of course, you’d avoided committee meetings – why the hell would you go when the president was your ex?

“And,” Bina continues, pointedly ignoring your reaction. Her hand reaches out moving to intertwine your fingers. You focus on the image of her sharp stiletto shaped nails that glitter under the glow of the sun settling on your lap instead of the thumping of your heart as she speaks. “Judging from what I’ve seen, it hasn’t been easy for him either. I know you’re probably thinking that you were the only one who cared about him–about your relationship, but I’m pretty sure he did too. So it’s perfectly okay for you to feel like this, no matter how long it’s been.”

Two months and three weeks, you mentally add. A lifetime and a single blink simultaneously.

“I didn’t need to know that,” you say, hoping to kill the hope fluttering in your heart. Bina squeezes your hand instead and gives it wings.

“You did. Also, Jeongguk’s kind of an asshole. Sorry if it’s too soon.”

It’s not, and you can’t help the tiny laugh that escapes from your throat. You glance up at her then, suddenly glad for the dazzling glossed coated smile that greets you.

“But,” she continues. “You’re doing the wrong thing too. I know you’re dating Lucas and it’s not fair to him when you’re still hung up on Jeongguk.”

“I know,” you admit. “And I’m going to fix that.”

She beams. “I hope you do. Don’t let him make you pick the wrong choices. You deserve better than that.”

Perhaps it was her words of reassurance that aided in getting you out of the house tonight. (Or it was Bina gingerly whacking your arm and insisting you needed to reward yourself for working hard). But a minuscule part of you is glad you heeded her advice. The music is louder than the words bouncing around your head, sound shoving your sorrow down as Chayoung hands you another drink. Everything is fast, bodies shifting wildly around you and the faint sound of a beer pong game capturing everyone’s attention. For a moment, you begin to forget. But then Lucas’s looming head materializes before you and guilt swarms your heart.

“Hey,” he offers, deep timbre sinking into your bones. You might just throw up.

You haven’t told him about Namjoon. You can’t bear to. But there’s something else more urgent that you need to say to him first.

Chayoung watches through narrow eyes when he leans forward to brush a light kiss on your cheek. He’s so sweet it makes your mouth turn sour.

“Haven’t seen you around,” Lucas continues, slipping beside you. A steady hand settles at the base of your back. You almost jolt away.

Chayoung’s face is hard, expression carved out of marble as she stares you down. You know she’s mad at you, rightfully so. Even Sieun hadn’t said anything for a few days after you’d told them about Namjoon. You were mad at yourself too. For what you did–for what you need to do to fix it.

“Been busy. Planning the scavenger hunt and all,” you say, gaze glued to a random lamp at the opposite side of the room. It’s easier than staring at Lucas, who’s still so warm and bright. Practically glowing like he’s got the Sun living in his chest.

You hope you don’t leave him cloudy.

He weaves his hand into yours, a pleasant noise escaping past his lips. “I know. Great job, by the way. You should be proud.”

Chayoung slinks away at that, the glower on her features burning your blood. You haven’t told anybody yet because you don’t want their advice on this. But you do need to end things with Lucas. It wasn’t fair to him. Yet, it feels nearly impossible when you tear your eyes off the fading figure of your friend and glance up to find him staring at you with the softest smile.

All you do is hurt good people.

It’s a terrible realisation but it forces you to croak out the words, a rip forming inside of you when that soft smile slips off his face at the sound of them.

“We need to talk.”

But the second they are out you feel something in the world click into place like you’re finally making the right steps toward the correct path even though you need to step on the hearts of others to get there.

Lucas lets you lead him in silence, the weight of it sinking onto your shoulders when he closes the door behind him, the music giving way to the noise in your head. When he turns to face you, watching apprehensively as you perch yourself at the edge of the bed in the room, it all begins to feel like deja vu. Except you’re on the other side.

“So,” you start, eyes on the wall. The feeling of the mattress dipping as Lucas descends beside you pulls your gaze back to him, heartstrings thrumming when the moonlight leaking through the opened curtains pools into his eyes.

How could Jeongguk have done this?

“We need to end this,” you say, realising as the air leaves your lungs that he did it like this. Like he needed to breath. It feels like cutting an anchor off your ankle, head breaking through furious waters to finally find air.

Lucas pauses, blinking slow. You don’t fill the emptiness with more words, afraid you’ll pour salt into an open wound. He lets what you said ruminate, eyes shifting to the scene around you. A random room, bathed by the glow of the room, and two hearts opposing each other–one already poised to leave. One that was never really there.

“Why?” It’s said lowly. You know why. You owe him this admission, after dragging him around on a sinking ship. But the words refuse to part from your throat.

“I’m not right for you,” you say instead, hoping he understands. By the flicker across his eyes, he doesn’t. “Like,” you try, your eyes dropping to where his heart lies. “You’ve got a lot of good in you and I don’t. We don’t match.”

Lucas cocks his head, staring at the ceiling. And this his gaze careens to you.

“You don’t think you’re a good person?”

“Well–” you splutter. But Lucas isn’t having it.

“You’re a lovely person, Y/N. With a lot of good in you too. You are kind of shitty for this though but every good person does shitty things.” It’s said factually like he needs you to understand this.

“I know that–”

“You don’t. You put yourself down too much. Why do you think Jeongguk loved you?”

Oh. That seizes that air from your chest, Lucas’s gaze slamming into your own with a surety that stings.

“Why do you think I like you?” He adds. You don’t know what to do, nervous system spazzing at this information assault. “And I know why you want to end this. You could have said it. I understand, though. The two of you did fight together so well.” He gets up then, towering like a God dictating judgment. “I didn’t expect you to stop loving him immediately, you know.” He’s near the door now, not fleeing but parting a new path. There’s a weird smile on his lips, like the forging of his steps hurts as much yours does. It’s like it’s been hung there, not pulled from his heart like you’d grown used to seeing.

“What did you expect?” You can’t help but ask.

He pauses, the door half-open. You could tell him to shut it, you could tell him to stay.

You don’t want to.

“That maybe one day you would love me more than you loved him,” Lucas whispers. He sees the fall on your features, knows the answer on your lips instantly. “But it’s okay that you never could.”

And then he’s gone, honey blonde hair swallowed by the crowd even with his impossible height. He leaves the door ajar, the music seeping into the room. But this time your head is louder, surer. Because Lucas just let you know something you weren’t even aware of yourself. There was no room for anybody else except Jeongguk. And it truly wasn’t fair to offer him your heart when it was half a world away.

—

Half a world away is apparently glaring at the shrubs flanking the back garden. Jeongguk doesn’t know who’s house this is. He doesn’t care either because at the moment he’s considering burning it down. He’d just seen you amble into a room, Lucas trailing behind like a stupid dog and his heart clenching hard in his chest. It took two seconds after the door shut for him to shove Hyeri off his lap and mumble something about needing air.

(What he needed was you).

The coolness of the night ebbed at his boiling blood, but nothing could ease the ache.

“You look like you need a drink,” Chayoung’s voice feels alien, creeping up his back. He turns to look at her, a polite comment on how he’d like to be left alone hanging on his lips. She interrupts it by handing him a cup, a tender smile gracing her lips. Jeongguk accepts it with a shrug, hoping the burn in his throat will be a distraction. It isn’t. But he forces another sip down as Chayoung slithers outside too, the room behind her glowing as if the building was on fire.

What store sells matches and lighter fluid in the middle of the night? And won’t ask incriminating questions?

“Why the long face?” She asks, peering at him from the corner of her eye.

Jeongguk shrugs, the words in his head refusing to form into understandable sounds.

“Hyeri not cutting it?” Chayoung murmurs. His eyes snap to her, but she’s not staring at him, her gaze fixed on the dark sky.

“What do you mean?” Jeongguk is baffled say the least. He thought his act with Hyeri was a little bit more solid proof. He liked her–somewhat.

Chayoung turns slow, almost sinisterly, a glint in her brown eyes that unsettles him. “I just don’t think she’s in your league.”

The scoff that leaves Jeongguk’s throat burns. He hated that stupid idea of leagues. You should like a person for who they are, not where they stand in foolish social hierarchies. But Chayoung reads his response wrong, suddenly impossibly close, a stray finger trailing along his shoulder. Her nails are talons. He shudders, trying to hide it by leaning away. Chayoung just leans closer, alcohol tainted breath grazing his own. For a moment, Jeongguk considers fleeing back inside to come ask you to collect your drunk friend (a perfect excuse to finally say something to you after months of radio silence) but then he remembers that might potentially end with him walking into the room and finding you with Lucas’s tongue down your throat.

And that would suck. A lot.

But before he can think of another solution Chayoung’s fingernails are scrapping his neck, leaving his skin prickled.

“But then again, do you seem to always pick the wrong ones.” That bristles him and his eyes are suddenly hard and narrow.

“What do you mean by that?” He spits it out, a spark igniting in his chest when Chayoung shrugs. The smile on her face disgusts him.

“You know what I mean.” Her finger is sliding down his shirt and Jeongguk feels branded even through the material. “When you look like this, running around girls like that is honestly a little sad.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” He’s hoping he’s hearing this all wrong. That she’s just drunk and acting stupid. But when her eyes lift to him he knows she means it. Every word of it.

“You could do better, Jeongguk. So much better.”

“Chayoung you need to shut the fuc–”

Her lips taste like vodka and cherry lip balm, which is sickening because that’s what you taste like–sans the vodka. Cherry lip balm was your brand. It always was, you’ve got like five of them scattered around your room and a couple more hidden in Jeongguk’s. He recoils instantly, acid climbing up his throat as his hands find something–anything to push away. What he finds are Chayoung’s shoulders and when he pushes he pushes hard. They break apart and the floor beneath Jeongguk cracks wide open, his head spinning violently.

“What the fuck is your problem?” He doesn’t know what else to say, the circuits in his brain frying. Chayoung’s tongue skips over her lips, now wet and a little plush from the force she used to slam her mouth into his.

“Showing you that you can do better.”

He blinks, taken a large step back when Chayoung moves forward, a little sway in her feet.

“You’re drunk and acting crazy. I think I should call Y/N to com–”

“Oh fuck Y/N. Such a whiny bitch. Do you really think she deserves you? After all the shit she’s put you through?” Chayoung’s eyes feel like knives, sharp and striking deep with every word.

“Aren't you her friend? What the hell is wrong with you?” Jeongguk needs this to de-escalate. Chayoung wants to throw gasoline on an open flame instead.

“No–what’s wrong with you, Jeongguk? Moping around for a girl who never realised what she had when it was right in front of her? C’mon now.”

“You seriously need to shut the fuck up. You’re not gonna talk about her like that in front of me.”

“Why not? Cause you still love her? Even when she’s fucking Lucas?”

That stings, his heart bursting in his chest because Jeongguk didn’t know you were sleeping with him. He thought it would just be kisses or something. Not that–not Lucas touching you like he used to. But then Hyeri’s face flashes in before his eyes and he wilts. He can’t blame you for anything, not when he’s been doing the same horrible shit to you. And that makes him pause, the sudden realisation that he’s been hurting you smashing into his head. He didn’t want to hurt you–never. Not even if you were hurting him. He just needed a distraction, something to ease you off his mind. And maybe you did too, but all left you both with was gaping wounds that would never heal. And with other people hurt too.

God, this was a mess. And it dawns on Jeongguk that’s he’s made the worst mistake he’s ever made in his life.

“You should hate her,” Chayoung continues, venomous.

“I don’t,” Jeongguk returns, voice levelled. All he hates right now is himself. And Lucas (which is fair). Chayoung blanches, shaken by his firmness. “I really don’t, in fact, I need to talk to her. Right now.”

He moves fast, foot already past the threshold when Chayoung speaks again, her words aimed with intent to kill.

“She kissed Namjoon.”

He feels the nerves in his legs still instantly, before they nearly give way entirely, his grip on the door frame the only thing holding him up as his heart tears out of his chest.

“I thought you should know,” Chayoung adds. And he hears it then, that vile smugness in her voice. She’s lying. She has to be. You wouldn’t do that to him. And he says that, storming back to Chayoung with his chest ripped open, his body thrumming with barely concealed rage. And fear. Jeongguk feels so scared right now because if you did that means everything he felt–everything he feared–could be true.

“She did.” Chayoung is immovable, standing tall and staring him down. “I’m not lying to you. Go ask Namjoon if you don’t believe me.”

Which, Jeongguk realises as his eyes fall shut that is going to absolutely do. And possibly break a nose in the process. He turns, trying to blink away the blurriness in his eyes, before Chayoung stops him with a single sentence again, this one said a little softer.

“Jeongguk,” she starts, eyeing him down, her brown eyes aflame under the moonlight. “I mean it when I say she doesn’t deserve you.”

—

Someone is attempting to break down Namjoon’s door. Which is bizarre considering it’s almost three in the morning. He has to drag himself out of the comfort of his warm sheets to figure out which maniac is attempting to smash through solid wood with only their fists because it seems like they’re almost succeeding.

The maniac in question is Jeon Jeongguk, standing rigid when Namjoon swings the door open, moonlight bleeding over his features. He’s mad, staring at Namjoon like he wished his head was rolling on the ground instead of stationed square on his shoulders. But there’s something else there, doe eyes glossy.

“Jeongguk? What the hell are–”

“You kissed her.”

Everything stills, the two men fixated on each other. Jeongguk is so still he could have been mistaken for a statue. Almost as if he was waiting for the words that would break this moment, ease the tension seizing his muscles, tell him what he wants to hear. Namjoon can’t do any of that. Instead, he sighs, a muted, “Oh”, floating from his lips.

Jeongguk snaps the second he realises it’s true.

“Oh? You kissed her and all you have to say is oh?” Hands are digging into the soft cotton of his nightshirt and Namjoon’s feet are no longer on the ground. He’s apparently levitating, lifted solely by this hurt angry boy invading his apartment. His back hits the nearest wall with a thud that vibrates through his bones. When the hell did Jeongguk get this strong?”

“Whoa–relax,” Namjoon wheezes, his strong fingers guiding Jeongguk off him. But heartbreak tends to be enough fuel because Jeongguk pushes back with an ease that unnerves him. “Jeongguk, you seriously need to relax. Let go of me and we can talk about this.”

“Why did you do it?” That is what he gets in return. Jeongguk’s voice wavers, coloured a violent red in the velvet of the night.

“I didn’t do anything,” Namjoon returns, the words delivered gingerly.

“No–no you did. You kissed her. You–”

“She kissed me, Jeongguk. And I can seriously explain all of it if you just relaxed and we talked about it–”

“No, she didn’t. She wouldn’t do that to me–she wouldn’t.” And Oh God No, Namjoon thinks he just heard the sound of a heart breaking. It sounds like a weird mangled bird collapsing from the sky and its wing hitting the ground with a funny wet smash, fragile bones snapping like twigs.

Jeongguk’s fingers peel from his shirt and bury themselves in his hair, yanking at the cropped strands as his face twists.

This is far too much emotion for a single person to deal with in the middle of the bloody night.

“Hey–hey, calm down. It was a mistake, I promise you. She was just feeling a little all over the place and made a bad choice–”

“No–that’s the fucking point! She made a choice. She chose you.” Jeongguk’s staring at him in a way that hurts, like he’s attempting to transfer all the pain that’s writhing through his body into Namjoon’s from sight alone.

“What? What are you talking about?”

Jeongguk is frantic, almost like he’s trying to stop himself from pouring out onto the floor. A flood barely contained. “She chose you first. I was there–I was always there. But then you waltzed in and she saw something in you that she didn’t find in me and she chose you.”

Namjoon cocks his head, staring hard at Jeongguk’s round wide eyes, slowly coming to realisations that he was surrounded by idiotic people.

“I still have no idea what you are talking about, but I have to ask, don’t you remember a single thing I told you the last time we spoke about Y/N? You’re the reason we broke up.” That halts him and Namjoon takes that as a moment to press onward, somewhat tired of being dragged into this awkward mess. “And I’ll say this in the nicest way possible but you’re an idiot if you think Y/N wouldn’t pick you over me any day–over anyone really. I could be drowning and you could have a scrapped knee and she’d check on you first. We broke up because I realised I was just a placeholder until she felt brave enough to tell you she liked you. You were rather intimidating for her to approach. Or have you forgotten your track record of girls? It wasn’t easy for her–especially when she was risking losing her best friend.”

The silence that follows aches, Jeongguk’s eyes flashing like he never considered that in the first place.

“But why the other guys then? Why not just tell me after you?”

Namjoon’s going to bang his head into the wall. “You’re her best friend–what about that are you not getting? What if you didn’t like her back and it ruined the most important relationship in her life?”

“But I did–I always liked her.”

“No,” Namjoon nearly groans out loud. “You didn’t. If you liked her you wouldn’t have fucked Chaerin in the back of your car and then gone to report it to Y/N with a grin on your face.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Namjoon returns. “Oh. That’s the exact day we broke up too. Such a stupid fight because she was crying and that’s when I put two and two together and realised I was never going to take precedence over you.”

“I didn’t know I was hurting her,” Jeongguk murmurs, almost distraught.

A strangled noise erupts from Namjoon’s throat. “You’ve hurt her a lot more than you’ll realise.” But the second he says that and Jeongguk’s face twists into something unrecognisable he wants to take them back.

“She’s too good for me. Maybe we are better off apart.”

“No, no. You’re so wrong actually. This break-up thing has been miserable to watch and I’m not even in the centre of it. I’ve just caught a bunch of stray bullets.”

“You’re not getting me,” Jeongguk’s eyes swing to him. “She came to you at the end of it all. Maybe we are better with other people. Maybe you’re better for her.”

“She came to me because she missed you. She just needed someone to lean on during your absence. I wouldn’t have to do that if you were there. You know, you should just talk about this with Y/N.”

“I can’t, she’s happy with Lucas. I think.”

Namjoon wants to bang both your heads together so bad. Maybe finally the fact that you love each other would get through your thick skulls then.

“She doesn’t,” he says, instead. “And I know that for a fact. You should really go talk to her. Figure this whole mess out. And also finally get out of my apartment.” Jeongguk’s gaze withers. Namjoon shrugs in return. “It’s the middle of the night and I have a meeting in the morning. I really need to sleep.”

“Oh, fuck, I’m sorry.” He’s so meek like this, nursing a shattered heart and a confused head. It’s slightly jarring to the image he usually presents, so self-assured and unfazed by whatever gets thrown at him. Never exposed like this, every emotion he holds inside displayed across his face.

“It’s alright. Just think about what I said and talk to her. Honestly. Not skirting over shit like the two of you tend to do. Okay?”

“Yeah,” he says, trailing towards the open door. Namjoon had registered a breeze billowing in, but he’d completely missed the fact that the door of his apartment was swung wide open. Jeongguk abruptly stops just as Namjoon’s sense of bearing returns, turning to face him with his face pulled down by shame. “I’m really sorry. For this whole thing. I shouldn’t have grabbed you like that I was just–”

“I get it. You love her and it feels like she’s slipping from your fingers. Just don’t do that shit again and stop trying to push her away. I’ll say it again–you were always her first choice.” He sees it then, a slight flutter through Jeongguk’s chest. A broken bird mending.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk breathes. “Thanks.”

Namjoon sighs, offering a tight smile and shutting the door firmly when Jeongguk finally drifts out. He needs a drink before he hits the sheets again. A strong one.

#jungkook x reader #jungkook angst #bts x reader #jungkook drabble #jungkook fanfic #jungkook scenario #jungkook scenarios #i hope this redeems jj!jk in your eyes #i might rewrite this who knows

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