#bro i'm nearly making myself cry writing this

[aro-culture-is]

I hear we can ask questions here and uh... Ive been thinking a lot and have become thoroughly confused about what I'm wanting. Cause one one hand I find myself desperately wanting a close relationship with someone where I can hug and cuddle and say words of endearment but then in reality I'm anti-touch n find touch to be uncomfortable and also can't imagine who I would ever feel comfortable enough with to have such a strong bond as it hasn't happened yet at all and I just jump between these two states and idk what I'm wanting I just know I don't want it to be romantic.

What's worse is I can't tell if any of this is effected by my neurodivergency or abuse which I just escaped (trying to get into therapy for it)

It's been so ething on my mind for years but recently has increased and has been causing a bit of stress and idk what I'm looking for with this but maybe just knowing I'm not the only one struggling with this would be nice...

hi! this ask, in all honesty, feels pretty out of my wheelhouse, but i'll give it my best shot. first of all: i'm so glad and proud for you in escaping abuse. I'm additionally glad and proud of you for trying to get therapy. I can't downplay how important those actions are.

as a neurodivergent individual who's been abused throughout most of our life, i want to start off by saying that the touch stuff is such a mood. I can't say what will help you, but for me, this info has helped. I used to be touch averse because I was touch starved.

Contact, no matter the form, caused me to freeze - it was overwhelming for a multitude of reasons, and honestly, I don't think that I can separate out all of them. But... with time, patience, and a friend with a habit of poking people to get their attention, I slowly started to be able to handle contact and even found myself desperate for the comfort of contact. It wasn't fast. I think that process took around a year for me, and if I don't have regular physical contact I immediately begin to have those problems on a smaller scale. (disclaimer that this is my personal experience, ymmv)

As far as desiring that kind of bond, that comfortable closeness and affection... I honestly think that's a great topic to work through with a therapist. For many of us who've experienced abuse, healthy relationships are frightening. We are often taught by our abusers that we don't deserve those, and we may not have prior experience with them to even know what a healthy relationship looks like. This uncertainty and fear is a protective response from our body that tries so hard to protect us, while also being a sentient sack of flesh doing its best.

I can't tell you a magical secret to working through that fear. I can tell you that when my therapist first told me, about two years ago, that they want me to understand that not everyone is trying to hurt me, I laughed at what I perceived to be an absurd statement. I can tell you that I now look back at that and wish I could hug myself in that moment, and tell myself that the most absurd thing was how similarly charged I felt the statements "the sky is blue" and "everyone will hurt me so I should close myself off and be completely self-sufficiently alone no matter how much I wish I could trust others" were.

You don't have to focus on a distant "can I ever have that close of a bond with someone?" You can work with a therapist or even by yourself to take a step back when your trauma-informed brain is afraid, to acknowledge and respond to that fear in a healthy way. You can look at any bonds you have now, no matter how small, and slowly reassure yourself that you are safe here and now.

Healing is a process. In the moment, you'll become able to acknowledge how you feel and how to best respond to that. You will accomplish bonds with people that will bring you joy. It isn't a fast or easy journey with one easily traveled path: it's looking at the roadmap of your life and updating it. Right now your trauma informed brain is an old GPS insisting that you are, in this moment, actually lost in a cornfield - but you are on a road to a new chapter.

It will be okay, and I'm so proud of you for taking these first steps.

#Anonymous #not aro #advice #mod kee #bro i'm nearly making myself cry writing this #also excuse the midwestern gps experience lol #the sheer audacity of the GPS insisting that your road is in fact a cornfield or mystery body of water (possibly old cranberry farms?) #when you are vibing on a country road or highway... #it's weirdly reminiscent of my trauma-brain moments honestly #it's doing its best to help but sometimes i need to step back from that programmed route instruction and look around me

[zerobaseonefics]

For real VSHSBA a true gaymer. I'm now more diverse and make them straight. Sometimes 🤣 it depends on the vibes I guess?

I think... I'm having fun writing?? If you'd call my works writing 🤭 I already made 2 little posts and I have another that's probably going up today or tomorrow. They're only short ones cause they're easier for me to do right now. I've had a few likes but only one piece of feedback which made me nearly cry (in a good way, they said it was perfection 🥺). And nope I refuse, you're much sweeter than me - 🐱

AHHHHH BESTIE IM FINALLY ANSWERING TO YOU IM SO SORRY I WAS TAKING A BREAK OFF OF TUMBLR

omgggg im so happy you do!! i dont know if i read ur works yet??? i'll make sure to go by your blog today to check this myself hehe

update : i just checked and I read the first one!!! i'll read the second later today hehe. loved the little headcanons, this kind of posts are so fun and cute <3 perfect to read when u dont really have time to sit and read a whole fic

bro i underestimated the power of feedback 😧 like i dont get a lot on my writing and when i do this just make my day and make me want to write so much more??? i hope you'll receive more and more especially since it makes u happy writing!!!

#zerobaseonefics #🐱 anon<3

[petitelepus]

Yahoo ! Can I have a twisted Wonderland matchup pls 🙏

Name : Riley

Age :16

Sexuality: pan

Pronouns :they/ them

Personality : I sometimes want to go outside like go shopping and sometimes want to stay home and play video games, im an affective person I like hugging and holding hands and cheek kisses even with friends I'm a kind person and help others no matter what, I have trust issues and I don't trust people Im scared being backstabed I will do anything to make my friend comfortable and happy with me my love language is physiqual affection, sometimes people take advantage of me and I know it but I keep them because I don't want to stay alone again , I daydream alot and don't care about anything and Im night owl and Love doing shit at night, I hate looking myself in the mirror cuz I think Im ugly, I have anxiety and panic/cry when people look at me, I lie sometimes and can manipulete someone easily, Im a an INTP gemini and that one friend who has no energy, laugh at any jokes, weird, quiet and adorable, Im quite smart and can't be serious , im Shy and if you are Friends with me I will be chaotic

Likes :otome games and fanfics with gn mc sweets, Spicy, anime, Cosplay , video games and plushies

Dislikes : racists ,homophobic ,F! reader in fanfics ,bullies ,homework , my bro and my ex Friends

Hobbies cooking Cosplaying Reading writing gaming playing Violon and dancing

I match you with Idia Shroud!

Alright, you and Idia are like two peas in a pod. You both love gaming, anime, cosplay, and sweets, you both play violin and so much more. The two of you most likely met when you ventured to the Board Game Club, eager to join and find some proper friends.

Idia most likely didn't even look at you or lift his attention from his tablet, deciding to let Azul handle the new member aka you... But then you glance over Idia's shoulder and see him playing this pretty new but potential Otome game with Gacha pulling technique in it.

You commented that he had a pretty good team and Idia shrieked as he was startled by you. After that, he was pretty wary of you, fearing you and thinking that you were another "Normie"... Until you brought your own console to the next Board Game Club meeting and showed him your own team.

Idia wasn't going to do much, just glance, but then he was awed by how you had gotten the Legendary Suitor, and you even had duplicates! You offered him your extra character and a beautiful friendship was formed that day.

Idia is actually very educated and knows nearly everything there is to know about LGBTQ+ and the people who recognize themselves as one of or multiple of the given choices. He understands you very well since he also is a Pan.

Idia actually always wanted to try cosplaying, but he never had the courage to actually do so. He has costumes, some that he created himself and ones he has commissioned from professional cosplayers and had delivered to his dorm.

He has dressed in the safety of his own room, but never outside. That is until he met you. Despite being so similar and you even being younger than him, you are so brave. You even come up with a way for him to join you in some Cons he always wanted to visit! Just wear a mask! How did he not realize it sooner?

The young adult isn't a fan of physical affection, but if it's you then he doesn't mind them that badly. The tips of his blue hair turn pink whenever you smile his way, but he must remind himself that you are still a little younger than him.

Taking notice of how young you are, Idia doesn't think about dating you until you turn 18. As much as he likes you, the rules are very clear.

Besides, this way you had a way out, in case you would prefer that newbie Pomefiore student or those two troublemakers from Heartslabyul, over Idia...

When this happens you notice quickly that Idia is going to his dark place and you gently hug him and just hold him, letting him slowly know that you are there and you will wait until you are old enough for him.

Both of you have a bad habit of putting yourselves down and if you do this near each other, a light argument is sure to be born. No worries, you don't insult each other, you complement each other. It's different and leaves you both blushing at the end of the argument as you slowly take in all the sweet things you yelled at each other.

You trust Idia and he trusts you so you make a real power team in games as in real life also. Idia would never break the deep bond of respect and love you hold for each other and he has trusted his Priestest's life into your Rogue's hands more than once.

Of course, if it's PvP then get ready to have your ass whooped. You two are either the best allies there are when against someone else or the most vicious rivals when against each other... But, every time you are against each other, you are taunting each other with big smiles on your faces. The two of you know when to keep things honorable.

Last but not least, the fanfiction. Yes, Idia does not only play and cosplay, but he also has written fanfiction. What do you mean Fem!MC? Fuck no, it's Gender Neutral MC so everyone can enjoy it!

You are in love, and oh boy, how he loves you back.

#matchup #twisted wonderland matchup #twisted wonderland #twst #idia shroud #anon #ENJOY! #I'm getting tired and you can tell by the way my writing changes #Ha ha

[promenadewithme]

First of all, I want to thank all of you so much for the follows, likes, comments, reblogs and support in general! I can't believe I hit 50 followers so soon! I know it’s not much, but I actually didn’t expect any at all so I’m so happy!! Thank you ❤️

Now, this is how the celebration is going to work: first you chose a song and a character. Then send it to my requests with your pronoun of choice, along with any other specifications and I'll write you a fic based on the song! You can either send the song or specific quotes as prompts

To find the fics I will write, use the #Anastasia's 50 followers celebration

This event starts today (May 20th) and ends June 10th

Support Me on Ko-Fi - if you’re feeling generous 💕

Songs:

Fluff (Romantic)

Paper Rings - Taylor Swift

London Boy - Taylor Swift

Love Story - Taylor Swift

Lover - Taylor Swift

King of My Heart - Taylor Swift

Willow - Taylor Swift

Crazier - Taylor Swift

New Year’s Day - Taylor Swift

Daylight - Taylor Swift

Jump Then Fall - Taylor Swift

How You Get The Girl - Taylor Swift

You Are In Love - Taylor Swift

It’s Nice To Have A Friend - Taylor Swift

Today Was A Fairytale - Taylor Swift

State Of Grace - Taylor Swift

Mine - Taylor Swift

Delicate - Taylor Swift

Say You Won't Let Go - James Arthur

Naked - James Arthur

Rewrite The Stars - James Arthur + Anne-Marie

I Won't Give Up - Jason Mraz

I'm Yours - Jason Mraz

Thinking Out Loud - Ed Sheeran

Tenerife Sea - Ed Sheeran

How Would You Feel (Paean) - Ed Sheeran

Kiss Me - Ed Sheeran

Afterglow - Ed Sheeran

Lego House - Ed Sheeran

Dive - Ed Sheeran

Galway Girl - Ed Sheeran

Everything Has Changed - Ed Sheeran + Taylor Swift

I Was Made For Loving You - Tori Kelly + Ed Sheeran

Make You Feel My Love -Adele

One Call Away - Charlie Puth

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

Just The Way You Are - Bruno Mars

Count On Me - Bruno Mars

Little Things - One Direction

Night Changes - One Direction

Can't Help Falling In Love - Elvis Presley

Andante, Andante - ABBA

Waterloo - ABBA

All Of Me - John Legend

Ocean Eyes - Billie Eilish

Snowman - Sia

A Thousand Years - Christina Perri

Arms - Christina Perri

Teenage Dream - Katy Perry

Halo - Beyoncé

The Only Exception - Paramore

Dandelions - Ruth B

Someone To You - BANNERS

Would You Be So Kind - Dodie

Someone You Like - The Girl and The Dreamcatcher

If I Could Tell Her - Ben Platt 

Absolutely Smitten - Dodie

How Long Will I Love - Ellie Goulding

Angst (Romantic)

Good 4 u - Olivia Rodrigo

Drivers License - Olivia Rodrigo

Deja Vu - Olivia Rodrigo

Brutal - Olivia Rodrigo

Traitor - Olivia Rodrigo

Enough For You - Olivia Rodrigo

1 step forward, 3 steps back - Olivia Rodrigo

Happier - Olivia Rodrigo

Jealousy, Jealousy- Olivia Rodrigo

Favourite Crime - Olivia Rodrigo

Hope Ur Ok - Olivia Rodrigo

Betty - Taylor Swift

Exile - Taylor Swift

Teardrops On My Guitar - Taylor Swift

Wildest Dreams - Taylor Swift

Tolerate It - Taylor Swift

You’re Not Sorry - Taylor Swift

Should’ve Said No - Taylor Swift

White Horse - Taylor Swift

You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift

My Tears Ricochet - Taylor Swift

Back to December - Taylor Swift

Breathe - Taylor Swift

The 1 - Taylor Swift

All Too Well - Taylor Swift

Invisible String - Taylor Swift

Evermore - Taylor Swift

Lose You To Love Me - Selena Gomez

The Heart Wants What It Wants - Selena Gomez

When I Was Your Man -Bruno Mars

Someone Like You - Adele

Hello - Adele

All I Ask - Adele

Let Her Go - Passenger

Say Something - A Great Big World

Stay With Me - Sam Smith

California King Bed - Rihanna

Take a Bow - Rihanna

Broken Hearted Girl - Beyoncé

Tonight I Wanna Cry - Keith Urban

The Winner Takes It All - ABBA

SOS - ABBA

One Of Us - ABBA

Half a Heart - One Direction

Yesterday - The Beatles

If The World Was Ending - Julia Michaels

Colors - Halsey

Happier - Ed Sheeran

One Last Time - Ariana Grande

Why’d You Only Call Me When You High - Artic Monkeys

Play Date - Melanie Martinez

Just a Friend to You - Meghan Trainor

All I Want - Kodaline

Love You From A Distance - Ashley Kutcher

Potential Breakup Song - Aly & AJ

I Don’t Wanna See You With Her - Maria Mena

Let Her Go - Passenger

All My Tears - Ane Brun

Always On My Mind - Elvis Presley

Someone to you - Lewis Capaldi 

Before You Go - Lewis Capaldi

Others

Sit Still, Look Pretty - Daya

How To Be A Heartbreaker - MARINA

No Body, No Crime - Taylor Swift

Look What You Made Me Do - Taylor Swift

Blank Space - Taylor Swift

You Need To Calm Down - Taylor Swift

Getaway Car -Taylor Swift

Gorgeous - Taylor Swift

Bad Blood - Taylor Swift

The Man - Taylor Swift

22 - Taylor Swift

Dorothea - Taylor Swift

Marjorie - Taylor Swift

The Best Day - Taylor Swift

Mirrorball - Taylor Swift

I Forgot That You Existed - Taylor Swift

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things - Taylor Swift

The Lakes - Taylor Swift

The Last Great American Dynasty - Taylor Swift

Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson

When I Kissed The Teacher - ABBA

I Have A Dream - ABBA

I've Been Waiting For You - ABBA

You'll Be In My Heart - Phil Collins

Titanium - David Guetta (feat. Sia)

F**ckin' Perfect - P!nk

New Rules - Dua Lipa

IDGAF - Dua Lipa

Bad Guy - Billie Eilish

You Should See Me in A Crown - Billie Eilish

COPYCAT - Billie Eilish

Count On Me - Bruno Mars

Stand By You - Rachel Platten

Firework - Katy Perry

Because You Loved Me - Céline Dion

See You Again - Wiz Khalifa + Charlie Puth

NO - Meghan Trainor

Skyfall - Adele

Gasoline - Halsey

Castle On The Hill - Ed Sheeran

Save Myself - Ed Sheeran

Supermarket Flowers - Ed Sheeran

Small Bump - Ed Sheeran

Growing Up - Macklemore, Ryan Lewis, Ed Sheeran

7 Rings - Ariana Grande

Bad Liar - Selena Gomez

Rare - Selena Gomez

Who Says - Selena Gomez

I Turn To You - Christina Aguilera

Till There Was You - The Beatles

Sweetest Devotion - Adele

ps: sorry, I'm a Swiftie and a Sheerio <3

Characters

Character x fem! or GN! reader (ROMANTIC)

ACOTAR: Rhysand, Cassian, Azriel, Lucien, Helion, Tarquin, kallias and Tamlin.

BRIDGERTON: Anthony Bridgerton, Benedict Bridgerton, Colin Bridgerton and Simon Basset.

GRISHAVERSE: Nikolai, Mal, The Darkling, Kaz, Matthias, Jesper, Wylan and David.

THRONE OF GLASS: Dorian Havilliard and Chaol Westfall.

HARRY POTTER: Harry, Ron, Neville, Draco, George, Fred, Oliver, Cedric, Young Sirius, Young James and Young Remus.

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE: Mr Darcy and Mr Bingley.

MARVEL: Steve, Bucky, Sam, Pietro, Loki, Thor, Peter Parker, Ned, Tony, Bruce, Vision, Clint, T'Challa, Scott Lang, James Rhodes, Peter Quill and Stephen Strange.

THE HUNGER GAMES: Peeta, Gale and Finnick.

GREY'S ANATOMY: Derek Shepherd, Andrew DeLuca, Alex Karev, Jackson Avery, Mark Sloan, George O'Malley, Link, Koracick and Ben Warren.

TEEN WOLF: Scott, Stiles, Derek, Isaac, Liam and Jackson.

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES: Damon, Stefan, Matt, Klaus, Elijah and Kai.

NARNIA: Peter, Edmund and Caspian.

STAR WARS: Anakin, Obi Wan, Kylo, Han, Luke, Poe, Finn and Din Djarin.

Character x platonic!/sis!/bro!/enemy!/daughter!/son!/mentor!/or anything else platonic Reader

ACOTAR: Rhysand, Cassian, Azriel, Feure, Nesta, Elain, Mor, Amren, Nyx, Lucien, Tarquin, Helion, Kallias, Tamlin, Ianthe, Suriel and Bone Carver.

GRISHAVERSE: Nikolai, Mal, Darkling, David, Alina, Bahgra, Zoya, Tamar, Tolya, Apparat, Kaz, Matthias, Jesper, Wylan, Nina, Inej, Tantee Heleen and Pekka Rollins.

THRONE OF GLASS: Dorian, Chaol and Aelin.

BRIDGERTON: Anthony, Benedict, Colin; Daphne, Eloise, Francesca, Gregory, Hyacinth, Lady Violet, Simon, Lady Danbury, Penelope, Lady Portia Featherington, Marina, Sienna, Genevieve, Cressida and Queen Charlotte.

HARRY POTTER: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Ginny, Luna, Draco, George, Fred, Oliver, Cedric, Cho, Seamus, Fleur, Pansy, Myrtle, Sirius (old or young), James (old or young), Remus (old or young), Lily (old or young), Molly, Arthur, Bill, Percy, Charlie, Xenophilus Lovegood, Snape, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Hagrid, Moody, Flitwick, Umbridge, Bellatrix, Voldemort, Lucius, Narcissa, Peter Pettigrew, Helga Hufflepuff, Salazar Slytherin, Godric Gryffindor, Rowena Ravenclaw, Dobby and Nearly Headless Nick.

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE: Mr Darcy, Georgiana Darcy, Mr Bingley, Caroline Bingley, Elizabeth Bennet, Jane Bennet, Mary Bennet, Lydia Bennet, Catherine Bennet, Charlotte Lucas, Wickam, Mr Collins, Mr Bennet, Mrs Bennet.

MARVEL: Steve, Peggy, Sharon, Natasha, Bucky, Sam, Carol, Monica Rambeau, Pietro, Wanda, Agatha Harkness, Loki, Frigga, Odin, Hela, Thor, Heimdall, Jane Foster, Darcy Lewis, Valkyrie, Peter Parker, Ned, MJ, Tony, Pepper, Morgan, Happy, Howard, Bruce, Vision, Clint, T'Challa, Shuri, Scott, Hope, Hank, Cassie, James Rhodes, Peter Quill, Gamora, Mantis, Nebula, Groot, Rocket, Drax, Stephen Strange, Wong, Nick Fury, Phil Coulson, Maria Hill, Thanos, Ancient One, Red Skull, Ultron, John Walker and Zemo.

THE HUNGER GAMES: Katniss, Peeta, Gale, Finnick, Haymitch, Rue, President Snow, Primrose, Effie, Cinna and Johanna.

GREY'S ANATOMY: Meredith, Derek, Andrew, Alex, Jackson, Mark, Lexie, Cristina, April, Izzie, George, Callie, Owen, Addison, Arizona, Miranda, Amelia, Link, Burke, Teddy, Maggie, Richard, Carina, Ben Warren, Megan Hunt, Ellis Grey, Catherine Avery and Tom Koracick.

TEEN WOLF: Scott, Stiles, Malia, Lydia, Allison, Derek, Isaac, Liam, Jackson, Peter Hale, Chris Argent, Sheriff Stilinski, Kira, Melissa McCall and Noshiko Yukimura.

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES: Damon, Elena, Katherine, Stefan, Caroline, Bonnie, Jenna, Klaus, Elijah, Rebeka, Sheriff Forbes, Kai and Lexi.

NARNIA: Peter, Susan, Edmund, Lucy, Caspian and Aslan.

STAR WARS: Anakin, Padme, Yoda, Jarjar, Obi Wan, Kylo, Rey, Han, Leia, Luke, Poe, Finn and Din Djarin and Grogu.

No pressure tags: @venuswritesfanfic @for-bebbanburg @maggiescarborough @multifandomfix @sweetnspicysimp @lazypeachsoul @magravenwrites

#Anastasia's 50 followers celebration #bridgerton x reader #my writing #greys anatomy x reader #marvel x reader #acotar x reader #throne of glass x reader #teen wolf x reader #tvd x reader #thg x reader #pride and prejudice x reader #hp fanfic #harry potter x reader #grishaverse x reader #six of crows x reader #shadow and bone x reader #star wars x reader #star wars x you

[crown-anon]

@hearts1ck my beloved

November 1st

CW: explicit; more CWs under the cut

format: one-shot

people: GeorgeNotFound

pronouns: he/him; reader has male anatomy; more specifics under the cut

edited 14 March 2021

anonymous asked

consider. okay. CONSIDER. consider masochist george. okay?? okay. okay LISTEN.

I think I have a problem with gimmicks also. because. because. ever since strawberry milk george, I. I have not stopped thinking about strawberry flavored lube. because! listen okay hear me out.

(this is absolutely 110% a response to discovering that you share a birthday with him. what of it?)

I know everyone likes pillow princess george and. that's okay. that's FINE. these are not mutually exclusive.

george looking up at you with The LookTM wearing some pink strawberry milk lingerie. not even lingerie really! just something cute like that

& him being like. "I know you love me 👉👈 but I need you to fuck me like you don't"

so I was. thinking. that brat george is the exact kind of person to say (playfully & consensually) "but I don't wanna give you head, I just wanna fuck >:(" after you've got him worked up, maybe from teasing him throughout the day, or edging him a little. but you still need some type of lube. so you go to apply the first bottle you see and he's pink when he asks you "😳 is that ... strawberry ... ?" and you're confused like ??? bro you just asked me to fuck you into next week why're you interested in the flavored lube

but. but listen. he would get so enthusiastic about it. at first it's just "maybe I can stand to eat them out just a little bit before ..." and then after you come the first time it devolves really, really quickly into the need to just. take care of you. and it stretches on until you've come three or four times, and you're still shaking, and he's just. completely gone in subspace

hmm ... george climbing up onto your lap when he's done with you, going in to give you a kiss, and he tastes like strawberry. and he ends up moaning right into your mouth because he's been so horny but so? understimulated?? that he outright jumps as soon as his dick grazes your thigh. it would only take a couple stuttery grinds before he's finishing on both of your stomachs

and he's just so cute when comes, or when he bites down on your shoulder to keep himself quiet. and it's your birthdays. so, you decide you'll give him a reason to cry. and he'll finally get put in his place! it's a win-win for both of you!!

istg every time I send you an ask I discover something new about myself. you. you have made a dreamteam simp out of me. I am but a shell of the man I once was. I think I should thank you? [👑]

hearts1ck

i say this nearly every time you send stuff in but...... by god you own my soul. all of it. this – i – first of all, the implications of masochist george losing his fucking mind when you’re rough with him? guhhhfjklgjgf. and ,..d,,f,,, ,, ,, george in pink lingerie. i. i . a... pink satin slip maybe or .... ohghfd; oh my god those. that cat panty/bra set. im ascending im losing my brain as i type this i cannot –

okay im back on earth. he’d get into that rhythm and settle like liquid while he gets to work on you, and his subspace face is so self-satisfied and nearly smug so he’s just having the time of his life,,, and he makes such a loud noise when his dick twitches against your thigh and maybe... JUST MAYBE he whimpers extra watery when you drag his hips to grind against where you’re wet and dripping/your spent cock as if he’s the one who’d get overstimulated by it. when he finally leans away, eyelids heavy, you gently fit your hand over his jaw and ask, “did you even ask? it’s one thing to come without permission, but not even caring to ask? georgie, i might just be offended,” and he whines “green”s against your neck before you even check-in

and because u made it abt both of our birthdays ,,,, spanks for each year we’ve been alive methinks ??? and then the scratch down his ass gets him hard again and he’s so embarrassed by it, ,,, , ,, ,, ,, ,, ,

also thank god you’ve joined the george boat. i’m so proud of myself for hopefully being part of the reason you got dragged over here HJFKDHSKD

#👑 anon #(my beloved) #keep #anon thoughts: george #redsick #SHAWTY WANT THE WHOLE CREW SHAWTY BAD

as soon as you said birthday spanks I decided I had to write more about this. and I was going to leave more snippets in your askbox like the fucking gremlin creature I am, but then my thoughts started. actually having structure? and then I started writing it. and I tried to do homework and write on study breaks only but. I just kept coming back to this. this is the polar opposite of writer's block. I think I'm cursed or something. so here I am rushing to finish this so that I may rest in peace!!

yes I've been writing nonstop since I sent you that ask. what of it. what the fuck of it.

when I said I discover something new about myself every time we interact, I. I'm serious. I think I might be insane or something. I'm way too sadistic. you'll see. what the fuck is this? what the fuck did I just write??

this would have done so much critical psychic damage if I had posted it on November 1st in real life, but mental illness says I can't let my horny thoughts rattle around in my brain for that long. so!! it's you guys's problem now xoxoxo

I'm not fucking proofreading this. love you though 💗

I did end up proofreading actually. oops! looks like posting at 23:00 isn't always a good idea.

November 1st

CW: explicit, anal (kind of vague), bondage (collar + leash), corruption, domspace (I think??), edging, handjob, humiliation, masochism, oral, praise, sadism, spanking, subspace, swearing. I call George a whore and a slut at least once. and also, George calls yellow at one point. this one kind of surprised me so just. Be Careful. I cannot believe I wrote this. I don't know where this came from.

format: one-shot

people: GeorgeNotFound

pronouns: he/him; I use the word "sir;" reader has male anatomy; I use the words "cock," "dick," and "head;" reader can ejaculate

—

dawn shines through drawn curtains, illuminating the tile floor and your robed figure reflecting off it. batter sizzles in the skillet as you flip the last pancake over. this side looks golden brown, like honeycomb or caramelized sugar. that delicious, freshly-baked fragrance mingles with scented candles. it's perfect, you smile. he's going to love it.

you lift the pancake with a spatula, stacking it on top of the others on his plate. you bring it to his seat at the table, along with the butter, the syrup, the honey, the jam…and you go to pour him a drink.

"hey baby," you greet warmly to the sleepyhead rubbing his eyes in the entryway, still clinging to a pillow. his hair's a mess, only wearing socks and a sweatshirt that reaches down past his thighs. you reckon he'd only just crawled out of bed.

"morning…" he yawns, stumbling past you to take his seat.

"milk?" you ask, he only nods. "did you sleep okay?"

he hums affirmatively. "I…can we…"

one track mind, you joke inwardly. but you don't blame him. "of course," you open the fridge.

you hear him pause. "…is it too early for that?"

"no, no!" you give him a lighthearted laugh. "I kind of expected it, to be honest…I want it, too."

he's silent under the noise of you rummaging through the fridge. "I—"

"sorry—it looks like all we have is strawberry milk. is that alright?"

"yeah…yeah, that's alright. I…actually…wanted to try something new." you shut the fridge, he's fidgeting in his seat.

"hit me with it," your expression is gentle. you pass his cup off to him, but he holds his hand over yours a little too long, looking up at you.

"fuck me like you hate me."

you don't know if it's hearing him swear, or the way he said it so calmly, or how he closed his eyes and swallowed hard before his tone could dip down into something lower. but like a match in an torrent of gasoline, suddenly you're burning up.

you only realize you're staring when he bites his lip and looks down. you start to say something, but the words don't form.

he laughs nonthreateningly, covering his mouth with the back of his hand. "is that a yes?"

you laugh with him. "I…yes, absolutely yes." you turn back around to make your own stack of pancakes. "you should eat first, though."

"what?" he teases. "will I need the energy?"

you smile. "yeah. I think you will." you can practically feel him open his mouth in protest, but he stays silent after that.

and it stays mostly silent while you cook your pancakes. you hear the clinking of his fork on his plate, but it isn't very disruptive. it sounds like he's hurrying to finish his food.

when you go back to the table with your own platter, he's already done eating. he's red down to his neck, fidgeting with the hem of his sweatshirt, looking at you expectantly. you spot a pair of tassels peeking out from under it, just below his hip bones. is that…

he pulls the hem up just a bit, holding your gaze. he smiles, apparently satisfied watching your face heat up.

"I—you should go…go get ready," you manage. he gets up before you even finish your sentence, only stopping to give you a quick kiss on the cheek.

except it isn't quick, when he slides his hand down to rest firmly on your collar, and leans in to trail kisses down your neck. "a-and leave that on," you stutter.

he pauses, just under your jaw. "leave what on?" he murmurs.

your breath catches, you shut your eyes. "whatever the fuck it is you're wearing under there."

he's hardly grazing your skin, but you can feel how hot he is next to you. it takes all of your willpower not to shiver.

he pulls back quickly, only his hand lingering. "I don't know what you're talking about." and just like that, he disappears into your bedroom.

you reach up a hand tentatively to your collar, hot to the touch. I'm in way too deep, you decide, and force yourself to take a bite of your food despite your nerves.

—

"that," you hiss. "that fucking outfit. that."

"oh, this?" he bites his lip, hooking his thumb in the keyhole. "this's just what I went to bed in last night."

"fuck you. we both know that isn't true."

he tugs gently on his top, pulling it a little to the side. "what's the big deal? can't I wear something special for my birthday?"

"it's special, all right," and you leave it at that, opting instead to slot between his legs where he sits waiting on the edge of the bed. you bring up a hand to cup his jaw, brushing your thumb across his cheek. you'll never get enough of the way he looks at you, like you're intoxicating.

…? you frown.

"is something…missing?" he perks up instantly at "missing."

"what…?" he chooses his words carefully.

"the collar—your collar. where is it?" you turn away to start going through your bedside table, but the way his lips quirk up into a sly smile isn't lost on you.

that's lube…that's a vibrator…where the fuck is it…? "w-what collar?" he stumbles over his words.

your mind jumps to say, the collar that came with that outfit, or I know you know what I'm talking about, but you won't give him the satisfaction. you decide to speak a little darker, only a firm "George." you hear him swallow.

"w-well," his voice is shaky, "you only told me to leave on whatever I was wearing under my shirt. and…I wasn't wearing that collar at breakfast…s-so technically…"

you stop looking immediately. you turn to take him in, legs crossed, stance confident, but expression showing uncertainty. you can see the regret on his face. "get up." he takes a shallow breath. "get up."

"I'm—"

"don't I'm sorry me," you snap. "you look for your fucking collar on your own."

he slips off the bed, looking ashamed, but starts digging through the drawer all the same. "I really am sorry," he murmurs. you take his place sitting on the bed. he finds what he's looking for rather quickly: a simple white leather collar with a bell, and a leash. he hands them off to you shyly. "um, here…"

"good boy," you praise. "kneel."

he shuts his eyes and does as he's told. you can see the bliss wash over his face just at being ordered around. his lips part a little as he lets out a heavy breath. if only I knew what this would do to him, you muse, I'd have done this ages ago.

you fasten the collar, revelling in how he shivers at the gentle sensation of cold leather hanging around his neck. you leave it a little bit loose, but still comfortable, and hook the leash in its place. he sits obediently still on his knees, looking deep in thought.

"Oh, I know what I'm gonna do to you," you bait. "how old are you today?"

"mmm. twenty-five." he looks down.

you smile, holding tight onto the leash. "I'm gonna edge you. twenty-five times."

he flinches away immediately, yet hums in pleasant surprise when the leash snaps taught. the bell jingles stiffly. "no way. that's way too much."

"I think you should've thought about that before you wore that to breakfast," you decide, tugging a little. he's caught off-guard and stumbles forward, stopping himself by leaving a clumsy pair of kisses on the inside of your thigh. the metal and leather feel refreshingly cool against your feverish skin. "we've got all day, baby."

you expect to hear some kind of protest, you're crazy. or a playful taunt, I'm better off doing this by myself. but he knits his brows and openly moans at the thought. "all day…" he repeats.

he looks up at you, almost pleading, and you can hear the resignation in his voice when he whispers "alright."

"get up here," you command. "on top of me." as he climbs up into your lap, a little too eagerly, you add, "and take your dick out."

you shrug your robe off your shoulders while he's working on his panties, and without thinking, you ask, "color?"

he stops, leaving his head poking cutely over the waistband. he looks up at you again. "…what?"

"um…color," you explain. "like, how are you doing? is this okay? I don't actually want to hurt you. uhhh…green means good, yellow means slow down, and red means stop."

he stifles a laugh. "you're such a nerd. I'm okay."

"alright." you blush a little. "we can stop whenever you need to. this is for you…" you think of something horribly unsexy to say. "…birthday boy."

now he's really laughing, with his whole body. you think the way it makes his collar jingle is cute. "oh my god. shut up. just shut up," his expression turns serious, and he drops to a whisper, "and fuck me."

that got you hot again. you pull him by the leash into a kiss, you bite his lip, you eat him up. and you grab the both of you together with your other hand, you moan in tandem. you can feel how you took him by surprise in the way he twitches under your thumb, the way he leans into you with his whole body. you part from the kiss and he leans back on his heels, panting hard, holding on to your shoulders for support. you can feel him shaking a little.

when you move your hand all the way up the first time, you squeeze both of your heads gently, and he practically falls into you. muffled in the crook of your neck, he begs, "god, do that again."

so you do. again. and again. what was a string of stuttered breaths turns into a single broken moan as you jerk the both of you off. when you think you're getting close, you let go of yourself to focus all your attention on him.

"fuck, sir," he whines—hahaha, that sir made your cock leak a little. he shut his eyes tight. "I-I-I think—I think I'm—"

just like that, you stop, and he goes slack, practically laying on you. but he doesn't grind back, or even move to touch himself. that won't last very long.

you let him come back down, knowing edging takes a lot out of you; maybe even more so than actually coming does. slowly but surely, his breathing steadies. you rub between his shoulderblades affectionately, still trying to ground yourself, too.

once you've found your voice again, you question, "are you gonna count for me?"

he makes a sound against your skin, somewhere between excitement and fear. "…o-one." you revel in how fucked-out he sounds already.

"one what?" you prod.

he seems at a loss, like he's forgotten himself, what he said. after a minute or two of pondering, he catches on. "…sir."

it's your turn to moan. your dick jumps at the honorific, still mostly untouched against your stomach. "good boy." and you dive back in. twenty-four to go.

—

it's noon. you're working on nineteen. and your partner's getting much more…expressive. he's started biting his hand to keep himself quiet, but he's still…

"I-I—oh fuck, I'm—fuck, I-I'm—I'm—" he whimpers through his teeth. and he yelps, whole body shaking, bell jingling incessantly, when he comes all over your hand and stomach.

you take your hand off him immediately, and this time he does try to reach down, ride through it, but you grab both his wrists to stop him. he grinds down uselessly against your thigh and your dick. although you're still hard, and only a hairline trigger away from coming yourself, it doesn't stop you from keeping this brat in line. you only bite your lip and close your eyes.

he leans his forehead against yours, moving in to give you a kiss, but you push him away.

"did you never learn how to fucking count?" you growl.

he winces. "I-I-I-I'm…I'm sorry—"

you scowl at your hand, covered in come. "here, slut," you raise it up to his lips. "clean this off for me."

he tears up a little, but takes your fingers into his mouth all the same. pretty quickly, though, he spits them back out.

"it doesn't taste good…" he complains.

"oh? oh, it doesn't?" you mock. "but it felt good, when you came without my permission, like a cheap fucking whore."

a couple of tears spill over, roll down his cheeks, yet he says nothing, only moving back in to lap his come off your hand. you can see it in his expression that he's not very happy about it, but he doesn't protest further.

"is this good enough, sir?" he asks, when it seems that he's gotten it all. it looks clean enough, you agree. you grab him by the chin, hooking your thumb in his mouth. you don't even have to tell him to suck.

"you come without my approval again, and it's over. you can go back to playing minecraft—or what-the-fuck-ever—with your friends for your birthday. do you want to sleep on the couch, Georgie?"

if he wasn't crying before, he's definitely crying now. he doesn't shake his head, but he circles your fingertip with his tongue enthusiastically, as if to say, I'll be good, I'll be good this time, looking up at you doe-eyed.

"bend over for me," you demand. "across my lap."

he does so immediately. he slips a little bit while he's changing positions, you hear the bell ring, and he scrambles to correct himself. he settles with his ankles crossed and his head in his hands, propping himself up on his elbows. you feel a little bad, you admit, but you won't budge; he has a safeword, you trust that he'll use it.

"let's try that again," your tone softens. "I want you to count for me, okay?"

he nods.

you pull his panties to the side, pause briefly, and bring down your hand with a satisfying smack.

"ohhhhhh—" he moans, jolting a little. "—holy shit, did you just spank me?"

your stomach drops, you go to rub him gently where you just hit him. "is that okay—?"

"it's hot, it's so hot, fuck," he shifts in your lap. "um, sorry…one."

seriously, something about hearing him swear awakens something in you, every time. you're fired up. you spank him again.

"mmm—two…" is he…? "three…"

you pause to massage his ass again, and to speak. "you're…you're hard again, aren't you?"

you didn't even spank him yet, but he lets out a moan. "fuck, I—I just. I want you. I want this. so, so much."

you wonder if this is actually the same George who was fidgeting with his pillow in the dining room this morning.

"you're so bad, getting turned on by something like this," you tease. he only moans in response.

"four—five—six—seven…" he chokes out. "it's starting to sting…"

you take a break, kneading the skin where your angry red handprint is starting to take shape.

"eight…nine…but god, it hurts so good…" he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. "ten…"

at ten, you linger for a moment, holding a handful of his ass. "does it?"

"yes—yesyesyes," he buries his face in the pillow, and shivers. "fuck, eleven…twelve…"

you pull his panties down to his knees, and switch sides. he lifts his hips up, so I can reach him better, you guess. you don't miss the telltale glint of a butt plug, but you'll get to that later.

"thirteen—fourteen—fifteen—sixteen," he moans between slaps. he's gripping the pillowcase so hard his knuckles are white.

in this new position, the way he jumps with every hit makes his cock brush against yours just right. fuck, you're still hard from earlier. this time you're the one who whimpers.

"seventeen, eighteen," he pauses, breathless. you pull gently on his leash, he arches his back and moans, "n-nineteen." his bell jingles.

he grinds down, just for a moment, and the friction is delicious. you're a little dizzy, you think you might've thrust back. you both sigh at the feeling.

"…t-twenty…see? I-I can count…I'm a good boy…I'm good for you…aren't I?"

"you are," you murmur, but you aren't sure he hears you. "you're so good…"

"twenty-one—twenty-two…I-I feel like I haven't done anything right today…twenty-three…"

"…George…?" you hear a muffled sob.

"twenty-four…" he mumbles.

"George?" you start to get concerned. he just keeps crying. "hey…" you whisper. you gently prompt him to turn him over; the pillow's a little wet. you pull the panties off all the way, and get him out of the bra, which had a little stray come on it. you help him sit up in your lap, and pull him into a hug.

"am I really just a whore…?" he asks brokenly.

"you've been so good for me, baby. you've done everything I've asked." you wipe his tears away with your thumb. "are you okay?"

"but I—" he coughs. "—I came too soon, I came without your permission…"

you kiss his hair, and hold him to your chest. "you've been so patient. I'm proud of you."

he finally wraps his arms around you. "I-I'm sorry."

"nonsense," you reassure. "your comfort takes priority. are you okay? color?"

"I…" he searches for the words. "I dunno. yellow? I…that hurt, I think. being…degraded?"

you comb through his hair with your fingers. "I understand. thank you for telling me. I love you."

—

you stay like that for a minute. you grab him a snack and a drink, but for the most part, you just enjoy each other's company, tangled-up together. you don't bother putting your clothes back on.

it's later in the evening. you're straddling him, peppering his shoulders with kisses, and he's giggling underneath you. he turns over to give you a short and sweet kiss.

"baby?" he says, looking expectantly.

"what is it?" you sit back on your heels.

he hesitates. "…I wanna keep going. from earlier."

you're serious again. "are you sure you're okay?" you grab his hand, bringing it up to kiss his fingertips. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I'm alright," he assures. "I remember you promising me an all-day thing, though."

you blush, a little surprised by his forwardness. "of course. I think…I…" you laugh. "I wanna fuck you."

"yeah?" he smiles, leaning up close. "show me how much."

you hold his jaw while you kiss him, biting his bottom lip between your teeth. he tastes like the coffee and cream you made him earlier. you feel his breath hitch. he reaches up to hold your shoulders.

you pull back. "hey, blow me first."

"what? why?" he giggled.

"it's been a couple hours, I'm not hard anymore," you coax. "I thought you liked taking orders?"

he cringed. "but come tastes gross!"

you slid off him and hopped off the bed, opening the drawer. "suit yourself. you get to watch me jack off, then."

"fine by me, I think you look good when you masturbate."

"ohhh, I forget, you're too blissed-out to pay attention to how I look when you're getting fucking owned."

"I am not!"

"you are too!" he sticks his tongue out at you.

you open the lid, pouring a little on your hand, a little on your cock. it's translucent pink, seems a little fragrant. you give yourself a couple of strokes with a sigh.

he's quiet for a second, then, shyly, "um…is that…strawberry flavored…?"

you bite your lip. "I thought you weren't gonna give me head?"

"I was just curious." it's a weak lie, but you say nothing.

your eyes are shut, but you can feel him moving around a bit on the bed, you hear his bell ring a couple times. you feel a hand on your thigh, so you decide to peek. and holy shit.

your partner's made his way to the floor, on his knees between your legs, holding his leash in his mouth, his fucking mouth, what the fuck. his thumb's rubbing circles on the inside of your thigh. the half-lidded look he's giving you should be criminal.

"you—I thought you said you wouldn't…" you can't find the words. you reach out and take the leash from his mouth. you see your hand shake in front of you.

"I'm just watching…" he whispers, looking up at you, mesmerized.

you're only able to get a couple of pumps in before he's joining you, hand over yours as you get yourself off. just the extra sensation of somebody else's touch is enough to make you bite back a moan.

"fuck—!" you jolt when he licks a stripe up the underside. he mouths over the head, jerking you off on his own now. you move to grip the sheets in one hand, his leash in the other. and you come without warning. you see it end up on his hand and your stomach before you shut your eyes tight.

he's quiet while you're coming down, just helping you ride it out, giving you kisses on your thighs. when you look back down at him, he's got two of his fingertips in his mouth, licking them clean. he stands up abruptly, it startles you a little. you see his bell ring. and he grabs you by the hips and leans down to your midriff.

"…I don't think I cleaned you off all the way earlier…" he breathes, and he starts to lap up the mess of his and your come that's been on you since this afternoon.

what the fuck. why is this so hot? why is he so hot? all too soon, your spent cock twitches in interest at your lover. he cups it with a hand, smiling against your tummy. you're so sensitive it hurts. you think you mean to say something, but nothing comes out.

"hmm…?" he bites his lip. "you still want some more?" all you can do is whine. at this point, you don't know if it's in protest or invitation.

you don't get the chance to find out either, because fuck, he's really going down on you now. you don't know what the fuck he's doing with his tongue, or where his gag reflex went, but at this rate you're gonna come again.

"George—George, baby, I—slow down, I-I'm—" you plead. his leash slips out of your hand, you tip your head back.

he swallows.

—

the last thing you remember is coming harder than you ever have in your life. you think you held him by his hair. you might've fucked his mouth a little. he's never let you come in his mouth before…fuck…

it's nighttime now. he's riding your thigh, got one of his legs slotted between yours. the friction between his knee and your overstimulated cock feels embarrassingly good. you're so dizzy, all you can articulate is a loud moan. you don't sound at all like you remember. his bell keeps ringing and ringing and ringing as he grinds against you.

he leans down, one arm holding your hip, the other keeping himself propped up. he bites your shoulder, hard, hard enough to bruise. he comes on both of your stomachs.

"George," you beg. you're losing your voice.

"mmmmmmsir," he slurs. "fuck me."

"George, I…" you don't know what you're saying. the end of your sentence turns into a whimper.

"you need me to get you hard again? you need me to rile you up?" he turns to kiss your jaw, feeling around for your dick. "like this?"

"George," you sound urgent, until he squeezes right around the head, and you forget what you were saying. you're pretty fucking close to forgetting who you are entirely.

he sits up on top of you, grinning. "love the way you say my name, sir."

that name. all it takes is the way he says that fucking name and you're ready to go again. you flip the two of you over, so that you're towering over him instead. "you still didn't. fucking. ask me. if you could come."

he giggles, a little crazed. he hooks his arms around his knees, hugging them to his chest.. "so what? so what? you gonna fuck me 'till I behave?"

"yes," you reach down, "I think I will." and you pull out the butt plug he (probably forgot he) had in all day.

"fuck—" he sobs. you watch his dick bob. precome drips into a pool on his stomach. "—green—green—so fucking green."

you're still sensitive from coming twice—you're pretty sure he is too. you lean down to give him a kiss, you moan into each other's mouths. he tastes like strawberries and his and your come. it is a little gross, you admit. but he's so tight and so fucking cute that you can't bring yourself to care. you part, and there's a line of salvia connecting the two of you.

"wait—" you say, but it comes out like a growl. "roll over."

he gets on his hands and knees, reaching back and spreading himself open for you. fuck.

you fuck him like that, holding the leash tight, loving the way he arches his back into the bed. the bell on his collar jingles incessantly.

you spank him, one last time.

"th-that's twenty-f-five—oh, fuck, sir," he growls, clinging on to the blankets for dear life.

you pin one of his hands in place and reach down to touch him. he starts laughing again.

"mmmmmmay I please come, sir? I—fuck—I'm so close, soclosesoclose," his breath stutters, you can hear the breaks in his voice. he buries his face in the blankets.

I'm close, you think, but the words don't make it out. "you're so good—you're so fucking good—come for me—fuck, come for me."

—

you're a mess. there's some drying solution of come and lube on your stomach. not to mention whatever the fuck's going on with your hair. your robe is discarded haphazardly on the floor. you think you've got a hickey, but you can't remember where.

actually, you're both a mess. he's also covered in come, sweat, and lube. he's got a red ring around his neck where you pulled him by the leash a little too hard. he's just covered in bruises. he clings to your arm, still fast asleep. you both passed out pretty quickly after…whatever that was, but you got back up a couple hours later. it doesn't look like he did, though.

actually, your whole bedroom is a mess. a blanket or two ended up discarded on the floor. there's an empty bottle of edible lube somewhere around here. your kitty lingerie set, still dirty, somehow ended up hanging in the closet. the first time you woke up you were both cuddling with a butt plug that you misplaced in the heat of the moment.

you don't think you've ever seen him like that. you can't even put it into words. you've never spanked him. he's never called you sir. you've never come in his mouth. he's never…begged for you like that before. you've never been so exhausted after coming that you both just, just fainted.

you feel lightheaded, and dead tired. you know you both must have gotten back up and gone at it at least a couple more times, but it's blurry, you can't remember. all you know is your vibrator's missing, and you feel…unusually empty, like you do the morning-after getting railed a little too hard.

last night…what the fuck happened last night?

you contemplate getting up, slipping your arm out of his embrace, pulling the covers back up around him, leaving to make breakfast. you're kind of disgusting, several hours after sex without cleaning up properly. you want to get yourselves some washcloths, maybe take shower together, or run him a bath. you know he's gotta be way more sore than you are.

you catch yourself staring, lost in thought; he just looks too cute when he's very clearly roughed up, but still sleeping soundly. and with the way he wanted…the way he needed you yesterday, you don't think he would want to wake up alone.

maybe it's okay if we sleep in a little longer.

you stroke his hair and whisper, "happy birthday, baby boy."

—

edited 14 March 2021

#limeade-zest #georgenotfound x reader #george x reader #george davidson x reader

[chimisart]

I'm thinking of posting a LU fic I wrote but there's like two reasons I'm not sure if I should.

1) I only wrote the fic because I'm still learning English and when it comes to writing I need to improve (a lot lol). I'm ok with normal messaging but stories I make in English are baaaad. So I'm worried if people do read it they'll get frustrated with my work because of grammar errors, bad pacing etc. Other people I follow are so amazing at writing I wish I could English as good as you bro. Give me your skills please I'm hungry for talent.

2) it's not even finished yet on AO3 so I'll just be posting an unfinished thing here so that's could be frustrating for someone I guess. People on AO3 were nice and they were telling me how to improve my writing so maybe if I do post it even unfinished maybe I'll get more helpful tips. ( Ngl people were so kind the LU community is so positive)

The story itself isn't good because it's just English practice for me. But at the same time EVERYONE IS SO NICE?! LIKE DAMN YOU MAKE ME CRY HAPPY TEARS :)))

Right now I am rewriting it from the beginning because I have improved my English since last time like frfr look at me go (English is so hard to write what the hell type of bullshit is they're their there UGGHH) writing casually like this is really easy for me because it's just casual and I do it literally every day but then as soon as I'm writing a story my brain has to translate nearly every word and I find myself writing some words in my first language. This part is just a side rant about my brain sorry about that.

In my language there's a way to say I'll be there soon but when translated literally we say I'll be there now in a minute. No pause no comma's just I'LL BE THERE NOW IN A MINUTE. And my English friends get confused lol.

Should I post my fic and actually finish it? I mean I have no others fics besides this one maybe this is my origin story or something. Like maybe one day I'll write an amazing LU fic or something. Hmmmmm.

#linked universe #lu wild #lu fanfic #help plez #oh wow #lol #imma go cartwheel out of my moving vehicle into the ocean

[imekitty]

Because I'm sadistic, I have a Prompt: Danny has incredibly slowed age. He looks about twenty, when he's almost sixty, and his mind is as sharp as ever. He's attending Sam's funeral

This was exceptionally hard to write.

———–

Tucker parked his car in the cemetery’s front parking lot. Past the gate, Danny could see a large crowd of people gathered, every single one of them dressed in black. Exactly the way Sam would’ve wanted it.

Or maybe not. Maybe she wouldn’t have liked how everyone was dressed in her signature color. She did like to be as unique and different as possible.

Danny unbuckled his seat belt and gave Tucker a weak smile. “Need help getting out?”

“You really haven’t aged,” muttered Tucker. His smile was also weak but still deepened all of the lines in his face. “You just can’t help being a brat even now at a funeral.”

“Look, I just know your knee gives you trouble.”

“Yeah, it does, but I’m not decrepit yet.”

Danny hopped out of the car and walked to the other side just in time to see Tucker groan as he put weight on his leg.

“Here.” Danny held out an arm to help, an arm still strong and taut.

Tucker shook his head and shut the door. “Thanks, but I’m okay.” He stretched his back and looked up at the sky. “It’s sunny. I’m not sure Sam would’ve liked this.”

Tucker squinted in the bright light, his eyes crinkling, skin sagging. Creases and jowls that Danny did not have.

“You gonna let everyone see you?” asked Tucker.

Danny looked down at himself. “Oh.” He turned invisible so that no one could see him. Because there were people at this funeral who might recognize him. People who would wonder why his hair was still so dark, his skin tone still so even and smooth, why there were no spots or wrinkles anywhere on his face.

The price of keeping his youth for longer than he was supposed to.

Danny walked alongside Tucker past the gate into the cemetery, kept his pace slow and synced with Tucker’s. Tucker stared straight ahead, acting as if there weren’t an invisible man by his side.

When they reached the gravesite, the oldest woman there approached Tucker. Pam Manson, Sam’s mother. At eighty-two years old, she had outlived both her husband and now her daughter.

“Tucker. So wonderful you could make it.” Pam directed him to a seat.

“Of course,” said Tucker. “Wouldn’t miss it.”

“But it seems Danny would.”

Danny rubbed his thumbs over his knuckles in an attempt to keep calm.

Tucker smiled, the corners of his mouth and eyes twitching. “Danny really wanted to be here, Pam. But he unfortunately had some family matters to take care of.”

“Of course, I understand. I wouldn’t expect him to put one of his oldest childhood friends above his family.”

Danny’s lips thinned. Sam’s mother never did like him, and after more than fifty years, that apparently hadn’t changed.

Well. At least Danny didn’t have to pretend to smile. He could make faces at her all he wanted and she’d never know.

Danny stood silently next to Tucker and only listened to the conversation he was carrying with the family beside him. This was fine, really. He was always so shy anyway and bad at making good impressions. It was just fine that no one could see him so he didn’t have to interact with anyone.

Just… Just fine.

The funeral conductor began addressing the crowd. Danny did not recognize him. In fact, he did not recognize most of the people here. When he and Sam were younger, he knew everything about her and the people in her life, but after high school, she moved pretty far from Amity Park to attend a more prestigious university, and then she just…never returned. She met a guy in one of her classes who was also a goth in his high school years, and they married shortly after graduating. Danny remembered opening the wedding invitation, smiling at how not at all surprising it was that she’d marry a guy named Lucien.

And now her children were all grown up. He could see them in the front row, all four of them. They even had small children of their own now.

During the funeral, throughout the eulogies and speeches, no one mentioned her cause of death even once. No, of course not, they all wanted to focus on her life, her strong moments, not her weakest.

But Danny’s mind kept drifting to how this all started, to that first phone call from Sam just a little under five years earlier when she told him she had been diagnosed with leukemia. She posted frequently on social media about her journey through chemotherapy, remission, recurrence, more chemo, a second remission, another recurrence, more chemo and experimental treatments, a third remission.

And throughout it all, Danny talked to her on the phone as often as he could and used rips in the Ghost Zone to visit her in the hospital when needed.

After the fourth recurrence, when the cancer spread to her brain, the doctors sent her home to die. And Danny visited her every single time she informed him that her husband and children weren’t around. He had to keep his half-ghost secret even from them.

“You look good, Danny,” Sam remarked during one of their final times together.

She had been lying on a hospital bed that had been set up in her home. The left side of her face drooped as she looked at him out of only her right eye; the cancer in her brain had caused irreparable nerve damage. Danny sat beside her and held her nearly translucent hand riddled with veins.

“It’s incredible how young you still look; I keep forgetting you’re sixty like me. You look like you could still be in college,” said Sam feebly but with humor. “Maybe I should’ve zapped myself in that portal with you.”

Danny studied her pale face, the sparse patches of hair on her head, her loose skin.

“You look beautiful, Sam,” said Danny.

Sam gave him her familiar smirk, the one he loved so much even if it was slightly lopsided now. “You don’t have to lie to me.”

Danny wished he could make her believe he absolutely meant it with all his heart.

“I don’t think I’m going to become a ghost,” said Sam the very last time he visited her. “If you’re worried.”

Danny furrowed his brow.

“I’ve had five years to prepare for this,” said Sam. “I’m okay with it now. I feel ready. I’m not going to die with any intense regrets or unfinished business. So don’t worry; I won’t be making your life as a ghost fighter harder when I go.”

She gave him one last smile, one last memory for him to cherish.

“There’s just no longer a call for me to stay.”

Danny stifled a sob and put a hand over his mouth even though no one at this funeral could see him anyway.

“You okay?” whispered Tucker.

“Yeah,” Danny replied as breathlessly as he could. He looked forward again at the current speaker, one of Sam’s sons. His eyes were dry but bloodshot.

One of them had to die first. Of him, Sam, and Tucker, one of them had to be the first to go. Danny didn’t expect it to happen quite this soon, but it was always inevitable. And then the next friend would die, and one would outlive the others.

But he and Tucker both already knew who would be attending whose funeral in the future. It was only a question of when Tucker would die and how old Danny would appear at that time.

And Jazz, well, he knew he’d be outliving her, too. And that was normal. Him, Sam, Tucker, Jazz, they were all about the same age. It was supposed to be that way.

And it was also normal for him to attend his parents’ funerals. They were both gone now. He had expected them to die first and was at peace with it.

He again looked at the speaker, Sam’s son, speaking at his mother’s funeral because that was how it was meant to be, children burying their parents and then moving on until their own children buried them.

In the front row, Pam cried into her hands.

And Danny realized that would one day be him.

He clutched at his chest but kept his shuddering breaths quiet. His children already looked older than he did, which could only mean—

They would get old before he did.

They would die before he did.

And for all he knew, his grandchildren might surpass him in age as well, and then he’d be attending their funerals, too.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. This wasn’t how he was supposed to be. He wasn’t supposed to be half ghost. He was born human and he was supposed to stay that way.

Was this God punishing him for bastardizing the body he was given? Forcing him to watch everyone he loved die before he could finally leave, too?

Pam was still crying. If only Danny could ask her what it was like to bury her child. Maybe she could help him prepare for when he would have to bury all of his.

Danny sniffled as a couple tears slid down his face. Tucker glanced up in his direction but said nothing. For once, Danny was glad to be invisible. He hated crying with other people around, but here, he could cry as much as he wanted and no one would ever know.

He was supposed to grow old with his wife. Supposed to grow old with Tucker. It was hard to even think of Tucker as his “bro” these days, not with this difference in appearance and abilities. Tucker was once full of energy, and now he was just tired all the time and unable to walk or run for long without triggering inflammation in his knee. Hanging out with Tucker now was mostly just watching TV or talking or maybe playing a video game if Tucker was up for it. Nothing like the adventures they used to have, the adventures Danny still had energy for. It had been years since Tucker even joined Danny on ghost patrol.

And that should’ve been fine. That should’ve been normal. Danny should’ve been right there with him, advanced in years and down on energy, the two of them enjoying the remainder of their lives while watching their kids take on new adventures.

Instead, he was watching everyone slowing down and dying while he was stuck here and unable to follow them. Even if he wanted to join them all sooner in death, his ghostly obsession would never allow it. He had to stay here for as long as his supernatural body and health allowed him to.

You’re so lucky, Sam, Tucker, Jazz, his wife, and even his kids kept telling him. So lucky to not have to deal with wrinkles and thinning hair, straining eyes and aching joints, discolored skin spots and bulging veins.

Well, someday he was gonna be all alone. Then how lucky would he be?

A cloud covered the sun as a new speaker moved to the front. Danny shivered in the new cold shade. He wished he could say a few words, let everyone know just how amazing Sam was and how much he missed her and how much he still loved her.

But he couldn’t. He was stuck right here.

#danny phantom #danny fenton #tucker foley #sam manson #angst #major character death #imekitty writes #prompt writing #honorable-asshole #i write every day i swear

[mercyxkilling]

If I remember rightly, I'm sure I followed you first, I believe I saw an interaction between you and another mutual (don't ask who... I have a terrible memory lol). But it was when I was going through your verse list that made the decision for me to follow (we both know what I found there xD)

I'm not usually one to reach out first, because I'm shy as all hell but for whatever reason I decided to bite the bullet and sent you an IM requesting a thread. And we just... hit it off, like instantly!!

There was a period where the communication kinda dried up, but that happens sometimes, but like, your writing was just amazing! And I was actually a lil bit intimidated by you and your talent for a bit tbh. Just kinda like, "Oh wow... why does this amazing writer even give me a second glance...?" kind of thing? Dumb I know, but it's a thing I experience more often than I care to admit.

Still, no regrets at all, and what made me stick around was the sheer amount of open communication we've had since then, the development of our muses relationship even before we'd gotten to the juicy parts. Like... I love OC's man, I haven't the imagination to be able to make one of my own to rp with, but with Mercy, fuck... I love her. I love how complex she is, that she isn't a stereotype in any which way; she's gorgeous, hella strong, bitch is a fucking badass! But she has her faults, her flaws, her insecurities which make her so damn relatable and it shows just how much work and love has gone into her creation just by the way you write for her.

I love her, and I love you too, man. You're the best and I hope this ship just keeps on sailing~ <3

this is honestly so sweet and i just... kind of want to cry. you’re one of my most favorite people i’ve had the privilege of meeting on this hell site and i’m so happy that we did!

i remember when you first messaged me and how taken aback i was by it; it isn’t often that folks reach out to me, and i hadn’t expected anyone to actually look at anything i had put up on my pages. i also hadn’t ever had anyone interested in mass effect verses, so it was doubly surprising when you reached out to me! i remember being flattered that you wanted to talk to me at all, for thinking that i might have something interesting to offer you in terms of plots, scenarios, character development, and all that other writing stuff that i’m not nearly as confident in as i should be.

i am, unfortunately, not very good at keeping up with communication. sorry for the radio silence that we had for that short period of time! i just worry that i’m boring or that i have nothing worthwhile to say. i also sometimes just... withdraw on occasion as my mood takes a sick roller coaster ride through my brain. D: it’s awful.

i am simultaneously flattered and baffled at the idea that anyone would ever be intimidated by me or my writing because, like, idk i just don’t consider myself to be that good. i’ve learned to see my work and say, “that’s pretty okay,” but that’s about it, y’know? there’s also the fact that, bruh, you’re much better with prose than i am. your word choice is really just like... top fuckin’ notch and i really enjoy the way your writing flows as i read it. it’s very fucking lovely and i think you should be very proud of that if you aren’t already.

and bro! if you ever wanna talk about these babies with me you can guaran-goddamn-tee that i’ll be VERY happy to do so. headcanons? share them with me. random silly scenarios they’d find themselves in? tell me! doofy pet names they’d give each other? go ooooooon~ like you could never ever bother me with anything when it comes to these two so tag me in everything, send me all the asks you can think of, hit me up on discord at any hour to tell me what’s on your mind! and honestly hit me up any time even if it doesn’t have to do with our babies. i want to talk to you about any and every thing. because you’re my fwiend. 🥺

and... yo. it means A LOT to hear (well... to READ) those kind words about my baby. i have tried so hard to develop and shape her into someone that could be as real as you or me, someone you could imagine meeting on the street or something. but i also wanted to make sure that she’d make a lasting impact if you passed by her irl. with what you’ve said i feel like i may have hit all those marks and that’s pretty validating and it makes me super happy.

not that i’ll get complacent! i can always keep growing and molding this dumpster fire of a human being into an even better character as time goes by. i’m just glad you’re with me for the journey!

you’re a mfing delight, and i’m very happy to have you here. can’t wait to write even more fantastic things with you. can’t wait to see what other AUs we could come up with and how those versions of our babes will interact and how they’ll grow.

#azure-steel #meme #i’ll have to format this later #because i am moooobile atm #but omg thank u this was so fucking SWEET

[crownin-thestars]

Same request by Wattpadder

This is the part 2

Part one

Also giving myself a small throwback to when I played Minecraft with my cousins

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This trio had started hanging out together a lot more, and yes Skeppy is allowed to hangout with them after school(cuz apparently they go to the same school), but he has to be back home before 5pm because again reasons.

Mega has started to speak broken sentences when he's with them and they're super proud of him considering he's pretty much unable to talk. Just because they're broken doesn't mean he can't roast them tho.~

It turned out that they weren't the same age, with Skeppy as the youngest and Mega the oldest. The age gap wasn't extremely huge, Zelk had a one year age difference from the both of them.

Isn't it amazing how they have the privelage of having elemtry to high school in the same location? All good things however, must come to an end. Mega being the oldest had to graduate from Grassblock High first, meaning leaving the two, then eventually one, on their own.

Very soon, Zelk had to graduate from high school as well, leaving Skeppy alone. Without an excuse to leave the house, he's been living through hell on Earth. Now, I won't be going too deep into what happened because I'm assuming you're not here for that.

~Timeskip brought to you by the iDots SMP~

Mega laid in bed. It was the middle of the afternoon and he hadn't planned to do anything that day. A noise emitted from his phone, gaining his attention. That noise was for when he got a text from one of his old friends. It had been forever since they last talked to each other, so it confused it.

He flipped over to grab his phone from the bedside table, checking the notification. It was indeed from an old friend. The mute smiled, remembering the memories he had with the both of them.

Yo guys, you wanna

hang today?

It's been way too

long

Lmao duh Zelk

Mega sat up from the bed, going over to his closet to change out. After changing, he went to check his messages again to see if Skeppy had replied. He didn't even read the message

Just us?

I guess yeah

He reached for his green scarf before leaving, telling his caretakers goodbye.

What happened to Skeppy you're asking? He went for a walk, and his mom took away his hand phone privileges because of grades.

Hate to hear that, yeah.

The moment the two saw each other, a wave of nostalgia came over them. They gave each other a tight hug.

"Dude I've missed you." Zelk told him. Mega nodded in agreement. They quickly broke up the hug before anyone around thought they were a thing. Because, y'know, homophobs are a thing for some reason.

Walking over to the pizza place they planned to go to, they bypassed a little wired fence. That is until something caught Mega's eye. He stopped to take a look, Zelk almost walking off without him. There was a blue piece of cloth sort of stuck on it. It seemed to be ripped of by it. He recognised it from somewhere, but where?

"Please no!! Someone help!!" Their attention was diverted to the direction of the cry. That's when the realisation hit him. The cloth was ripped off from him.

"That kinda sounds like Skeppy, doesn't it?" Zelk pointed out. Mega didn't even acknowledge the question, quickly running off in that direction. The cries were right outside the pizza place they were going to. He halted right at the alleyway next to it.

Another scream escaped from the child's throat as the man in there with him raised his arm. Mega's eyes widened. Zelk just managed to catch up to Mega, not even knowing why he ran off. "Get a staff." He said surprisingly clearly. Despite the shock, Zelk obliged.

Mega sprinted over to the man and gripped his arm just before it managed to swing down on the boy. He had a knife in hand, making it obvious of what his motives were.

"Skeppy, stay away!" He yelled, trying to snatch the weapon from him. Before he could reach it, the man swapped hands and slashed at Mega. Skeppy squealed in fear, tears streaming down. The knife cut his face, but it wasn't deep.

Right on cue, out came Zelk with a staff member. The man's eyes widened, dropping his knife and attempting to run away. Mega, being the little jackass he is inside, attempted to trip him. It didn't really work but it did slow him down. The employee quickly stopped the murderous man from leaving, dragging him out of the alleyway, possibly to keep an eye on him while he calls the cops.

As Mega was processing what had just happened, Skeppy tackled him into a hug.

"BRO I THOUGHT I WAS A GONER!!" He yelled, still sobbing from the traumatic event he had just been through. "ALSO YOU TALKED NORMALLY!!" He decided to add.

"Snapped, I guess." He chuckled slightly, returning the hug. Zelk smiled at the little scene as Skeppy and Mega's bond was never as close as he was with Mega(oh god that sounds confusing I really hope you understood that). "Still as giggly as last time?" He teased, giving the younger a small tickle. He squirmed away, giggling lighty.

"Yes! It still hurts though!" Skeppy wrapped his arms around his abdomen, as if it was going to protect him. "It's not like you're any different!" He clapped back.

"Shut up, Skep." He hid his face in the scarf he was wearing to hide his embarrassment. Both yelped in surprise when they were both pulled into another hug session initiated by Zelk.

"You guys were nearly murdered and this is what you talk about?" They all shared a small laugh at the statement.

"It's not illegal to lighten the mood a bit." Mega replied, pulling out of the hug. He walked over to the knife and used his scarf to pick it up.

"Dude why are you taking that with you people are gonna think you're the murderer here." Skeppy questioned, joking about the situation a bit at the same time. Ah it seems he knows nothing about evidence in court.

When they left the alleyway, police cars could be seen. The man that had just attempted to kill Skeppy was now in cuffs and was being led to one of the cars. Before they left, Mega quickly ran over to one of the cops, showing him the weapon of choice.

When he gave the object to the officer, he rejoined the two waiting up for him. "Still having pizza?" Zelk asked.

"YOU GUYS WERE GETTING PIZZA WITHOUT ME??" Skeppy yelled, causing the two to crack up.

Ever since this whole ordeal, the three have been keeping in close touch with each other, making sure to check on Skeppy's health from then on. It's safe to say that friendship really can last forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Word count: 1179 words

Hope I did okay with this part! Been watching EnchantedMob's Disconnected movie a lot and then while writing this I just kinda wanted to implement it in here.

Also, if you're wondering, yes Mega is still a mute. It was just that in that very moment, he didn't remember anything from before because his main and only thought at that time was 'Save Skeppy'. After he processed everything he became himself again tho.

Edit: Jfc I also lost a fair bit of sleep from writing this lmao

#minecraft #mcyt #skeppy #megapvp #zelkam #zelktheelk #fanfic #request

[demyrie]

I'm curious but why did you delete JAM? It was one of my favorite JxD fics and I never got to finish reading it.

ahhhh oh dear, yeah, that happened.

So, for everyone arriving, I wrote a fic called Just Another Mission for the Jak and Daxter game series, and Jak/Daxter pairing. Yes, the green haired elf protag with the fuzzy orange thing, which btw used to be a human and was a human in fic. I think I started it when I was maybe 14 (yikes omg) and a few years ago, I deleted it, and I don’t delete fics.

Rant and personal history ahead, but tldr; i deleted this particular fic because:

1) I became more and more uncomfortable with the way I’d treated certain characters without giving them respect or resolution (throwing around things like domestic abuse while being too young to properly understand What I Was Doing or How to Answer Very Triggered Friends Who Had the Misfortune of Reading This I’m So Goddamn Sorry, as well as falling into that Not Like Other Girls slash fan ditch of treating female characters like shit/obstacles to the main pairing WHICH IS JUST ******) as well as personally uncomfortable portrayals of obsession and taking advantage of people that turn my stomach to this day (see reason 4)

2) i got way in over my head with my own writing/style which was so obtuse and self-indulgent that I felt a great amount of shame over it, including the attention it had gotten, and the way it went to my head and turned me into an egotistic little shit. I was an asshole peacock and I regret it. There was a break where I got waylaid before the final confrontation in the fic (see reason 4, also a very bad time to get held up in any narrative) and when I returned to the story, i nearly cried because it was such a mess and I didn’t know what I was saying anymore. Finishing it was a struggle and I even remember one JnD fan friend being like “hey this chapter seemed really curt??? short?? not like you” and I was like YEAH THATS NOT ME ANYMORE god i hope

3) there was a sort of ... anti-JxD surge in my little pool from people I really respected and it made me think i was doing something wrong even just remembering it, so I cut off that memory.

4) it coincided with two ugly relationships in my life that marred it, and I just wanted it gone for my own mental health.

So anon, I’m very sorry that you never got to finish it. I had good intentions in mind and gave them a happy ending where they realized they loved each other, even if the journey there was difficult. 

It both touched me and broke a piece of my heart when someone came to me years ago and asked me why I had deleted it, saying the story had given them the courage to come out as gay to their family. In that moment, overwhelmed with how ProblematicTM the whole story was, I was really struck with just ... how subjective our world experience is, and how so many things can mean so many different things to every single soul and how terrifyingly VALID peoples experiences are, no matter how they come by them. We’re all so unique and convoluted, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure -- and one man’s trigger is another man’s key to Becoming. But no matter how inspiring, I couldn’t bring myself to repost it. 

Hopefully this will be the only fic i ever delete with relish. Jak and Daxter will always be a good memory for me, regardless. Thanks for the ask, anon.

(even more) personal stuff below the cut. tw for stalking, harassment, manipulation and emotional abuse.

So.

Im a firm believer in stories living beyond their authors (something that JK rowling doesnt seem to understand iykwim). I don’t normally delete past works, because while I wrote them, I also know that they’ve outgrown me as most narratives do: people are absolutely allowed to enjoy what they want to or need to, not just because I think said thing is reflective of my current work or jives with my current stage of life. 

However, JAM was a particular Thing that Had to Go.

The timeline is hella fuzzy to me because I’ve blocked a lot of it out, but I was coming out of middle school and struggling with my mental health. On the real life side, I was stuck in a situation with a close friend of mine who was very fixated on us being in a relationship and the pining was loud enough to hear from the other side of the country. Wounded people pleaser that I was, I flipped (exhaustingly) back and forth between “i dont like you like that” and “but I want you to be happy so what if I tried liking you like that?” and there was massive amounts of hidden hurt and resentment and tension and abandonment complex activation and just ... a strangling of anything that made our friendship good for either of us. 

Also she was a she. So. Yannoe, gay is difficult.

This definitely burnt me out on the “best friends pining” trope and is probably legit the ONLY reason I’m not equally in the erasermic and erasermight camp haha. That trope feels claustrophobic and draining to me, so I leave it for others to enjoy.

It also coincided with a married 45yo adult man luring me into a “platonic, ecstatic, boundary-breaking, you-are-my-beautiful-young-muse, words cannot express how much I love you” creative type relationship that inevitably turned possessive, domineering and manipulative. Within the bounds of the Renaissance Faire community, I thought he was a safe person and he was not, and his constant reassurance that I wasn’t like other women my age was absolutely hypnotizing to a undeveloped soul who really, really wanted to be special.

We traded poetry and tarot card readings over email. He bought me manga and shared stories about his time overseas and in the service. He made me props to go with my renaissance faire character and showed me where to find cheap leather so I could piece things together myself.

He also stalked me and owned me for the better part of a year and I only realized it once he started harassing a dear friend of mine overseas, whom I was visiting, about a package that he’d sent, which apparently he’d covered in original poetry to let me know how much he loved me But Not In a Hetero or Sexual Way Bro, so of course he didn’t want it to get lost in the postal system. So what is he going to do? Note my friend twice a day asking if its arrived until she inevitably, tearfully spills that this guy is stressing her out and who is he anyway?

My horrible secret was out, which only sounded horrible when I explained it to someone else. I realized this man was trying to follow me wherever i went and I got so fucking angry that he was messing with my friend that I had to stop it.

(He called me a cunt when I broke it off with him on the phone in the dark on the floor of my bedroom in the middle of the night so my parents wouldn’t hear, then sobbed and said he was sorry. I was so dissociated from the rush of anger and helplessness that it took for me to actually MAKE the call that all I could do was wiggle my foot and watch it in the reflection of the mirror on the back of my door, and think maybe I was a cunt but I wasn’t his cunt anymore. So there. 

Afterward I slammed my forehead into the mirror a few times to make sure I’d actually done it and it wasn’t a dream.)

During all of this, I was writing this stupid fic. I think. Honestly, I don’t fucking know, but I can’t think of it without thinking of him and how i was devoured.

The stress of hiding this “totally wonderful but NORMAL PEOPLE DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT WE HAVE!!!!” grooming shit from my parents was gutting me alive, and I was so far gone RE: worthiness/autonomy that I didn’t even consider why I BOTHERED diffusing his petulant accusations over notes on deviantArt again and again as he baited me into shit just to explode over how I didn’t love him and I figured out another way to soothe his engorged and tarry ego without explicitly lying that I loved him too. 

He made me regret my silver tongue and way with words as I used it to defend myself again and again, and crushed my love of writing. I would pace the neighborhood for almost an hour several times a week, claiming I was ‘exercising’ but really trying to understand why i felt so trapped, or where the lines between love and hate lay, or why I wanted to cry all the time, as i low key tried to get hit by a car just to force something to change in my life and jolt me out of his smothering, needy nightmare of constant texting and emails and notes. I couldn’t fucking flinch without him knowing about it, and asking me if I was okay. For this reason, I react very poorly to people fretting over me at length, and loudly. I get angry and feel violated, or just pinned to the floor by someone Performing their love on me with no real regard for my health.

This whole time, I was escaping into fandom. It probably saved my life, in one way or another, because I found friends who supported me and made me laugh in the JnD sphere. Especially the friend whose distress caused me to snap and realize This Couldn’t Continue.

This terrible man was the first one outside of my friend group that I showed my writing to, the first adult as well. It was on the dark side even then, but he said it was wonderful and amazing. He teased me for being stuck up in my authors notes on JAM (one of the reasons I’m just getting over ... talking ...) but said it inspired him to start writing as well. He used that writing to imagine hokey sprawling stories of him being a hot rod racer and me being his sexy girlfriend, Very Totally in Love. Why Couldn’t We have Just Met in a Different Lifetime??? not that its a relevant question for my young 16yo friend lol just something dreamers wonder lol lol here why don’t you take this traditional irish engagement ring aka claddagh i bought for you, lie to your parents and say I bought one for everyone in our renfaire group, and turn it toward your heart, to imply that you’re in love, so that I can keep your heart safe for you until you find a boyfriend?

FUCKER YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKER ok I’m done. Fuck.

JAM was a project of mine that spanned a year or two and is intrinsically tangled in those very bad relationships and very bad lessons. I deleted it because I needed to, for purely personal reasons beyond the fact that it was generally bombastic, over-long, tone-deaf and dealt with very serious issues poorly. Due to these experiences, you won’t catch me in a hot minute writing either best-friends-pining or heavy jealousy/possessiveness fic, but everyone else? Go crazy just tag your shit.

so. anyway. isn’t subjectivity actually terrifying? You never know what something can mean to someone else. So just ask, maybe.

Damn, son. Some fics you just can’t repost.

#just another mission #jam #demyrie writes #personal #abuse #stalking #emotional manipulation #i would say p/edophilia but this site doesnt know what that means and this isnt it either so how about abuse of a minor #recovery #mental health #suicidal ideation #triggers #Anonymous