#but also I’ve improved quite a bit in the past year

[writingquestionsanswered]

Many artists are wary of AI. I've been using Chat Gpt and come to the realization that with my kids, school and other life obligations I need to use AI in my writing process. No, I'm NOT using the AI's writing or passing it on as mine. It's for plotting, character arcs and to help me get over writers block. I'm conflicted. I just don't have the time to write that I wish I did. :( if I use AI am I not a real writer?

Using AI as a Writer

I want to preface this by saying that we are quite literally in the Wild West when it comes to AI and how it fits into the creative world. The technology is still evolving. The legalities of use are still evolving. Public sentiment and codes of ethics are still evolving... the only definitive answer I can give on the topic of using AI in writing is that you should never use it to write all or part of your story.

Using AI as a tool to help you think through plot problems, flesh out character arcs, and move past story road blocks in and of itself is something many writers and writer organizations have embraced. You're still doing the actual writing, plotting, character arc design, etc. yourself.

However, if you're using AI to generate your entire plot, characters, character arc, etc., it gets into a bit of a gray area for me. Yes, you're still doing the actual writing, but are you a landscape painter if you only do paint by number? I'm not sure. Yes, you're technically moving the brush and making the strokes, but your brain didn't imagine the imagery and your skills didn't know what colors to use or where to put the shadows. So I'm not sure where that leaves writing. And my bigger concern is that you're not putting in the work to improve your craft, so you may get stories or books out there, but you don't have the writing skills to back them up.

What I can tell you is this: people still write when they have kids, and jobs, and school, and various other responsibilities and dependents. They may only write for twenty minutes a day, or once a week for an hour, but they find the time. And some don't... some put off writing until the kids are older or the other obligations let up... either route is fine. I guess what I'm saying is I don't think not having time or energy is a good excuse for using AI or over-relying on it. But, I also don't think you should feel bad if you're simply using it as a tool to help flesh out your own thoughts and ideas. ♥

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[tropylium]

How to be More Agentic

Ask for things. Ask for things that feel unreasonable, to make sure your intuitions about what’s reasonable are accurate (of course, try not to be a jerk in the process). If you’re only asking for things you get, you’re not aiming high enough.

(We have a saying in Finnish, roughly "darers will dare", with a connotation that well someone's gotta, or else things will not get done… "Daring" is a relatively general pro-agency sentiment but the "darer" part is important also I think; once you have a thought like "oh yeah I'm an asker I will sometimes ask for stuff" about yourself, that already makes it easier to ask, even if you still feel skittlish about rejection or similar)

It’s hard to overstate how overpowered [seeking feedback] is. If you aren’t trying to get real feedback from people who know you, you’re cooking without tasting. This is, like, the lowest hanging fruit for self-improvement, but few people really try to pick it.

(Note to self yeah, I think I can function decently with relatively little social contacts but it's felt for a long time that I am nerfed by not having good sounding boards for talking ideas about my life over with)

Most subject matter is learnable, even stuff that seems really hard. But beyond that, many (most?) traits that people treat as fixed are actually quite malleable if you (1) believe they are and (2) put the same kind of work into learning them as you would anything else. As you might gather, I think agency itself is a good example (…) Many other supposedly fixed traits can likewise be altered. Some other things you can learn: confidence, charisma, warmth, tranquility, optimism. Someone recently asked me how one might go about learning charisma, and the answer was really boring: by reading a few books, watching many hours of charismatic people interacting with others, and adopting a few of their habits. This is surely a plan of action most people could come up with if they didn’t have the notion that charisma is innate lodged in their heads.

(A.k.a. "growth mindset", and crucially yes!, it is itself learnable, learn some of that first of all and it will help you with many many things)

Burnout is the ultimate agency-killer. This is so true that I’ve learned to identify a reduction in agency as one of the first signs of burnout, one that shows up even before I consciously realize what’s happening. A switch flips and I start looking for ways to rule out ideas and actions, to conclude they won’t work or aren’t necessary, rather than chasing better versions. (…) This might be the most important item on the list. It took me almost 40 years to learn it, because my instinct is to think more hours mean more productivity as long as you’re really trying to be productive -- that’s just multiplication, right? No. The reality is that grinding, even if it temporarily increases output, kills creativity and big picture thinking. My rule is never to take instructions on how hard I should work from someone who hasn’t burned out before. Very few people take this seriously enough.

(Extremely true. No amount of exerting agency helps when your issue is burning out for overexerting. Take breaks, don't expect to get miracles done by any set point in your life, learn your limitations; might be a good idea to work on them too but ignoring them doesn't get you past them one bit. "Your body will schedule maintenance for you if you don't")

#article #agency #ask culture #growth mindset #apparently popular

[frozenjokes]

Hermitdragons Masterpost (Wings of Fire x Hermitcraft/Third Life AU)

Grainshifter (Grian) was born to the Nightwings under one full moon, giving him the power to read minds. However, as fortold by Nightwing seers, he also possesses animus magic, a power that the Nightwings will use to bring their tribe into greater glory, becoming Watchers that feed off the strong emotions of the other dragon species, particularly fear. When Grainshifter attends Jade Mountain Academy in disguise as a Skywing called Grian, the Watchers take notes, and years later they surprise him with his very own death game featuring all his friends.

hello hello! this fic is on hiatus, and while I would like to finish it one day, it is my first foray into fic writing basically ever, and my writing has improved dramatically since a year ago when I started to write this. It’s been a while since I’ve reread this, but I have been told it’s good! lol. However! There’s still a lot of content (70k words and SO MUCH ART) so let’s get into it!

Fic One - Ruler of Everything

After Grian betrays Nightwatcher secrets to one of his best friends, Scar, he is punished by the Nightwatchers and placed into a death game with all of his past friends from the academy. However, there are two dragons he does not know; Scott, a Seawing who seems mostly normal, and Martyn, a dragon whose mind he can not read at all. Whose mind no one can read. Whose body can not be manipulated by animus magic. Soon, it is clear that Grian is not the only dragon here that is being punished.

Fic Two - Mechanical Hands (this fic does not exist but in theory it would after the first)

Grian comes to terms with his relationship with the Nightwatchers, finally realizing and accepting that they do not love him, and only want to use him. He teams up with Martyn in a shared goal of destroying animus magic, but a massive problem still stands; they’re both still stuck in these death games. And their friends are still under the Nightwatchers’ magical control. As the games go on, things are starting to feel hopeless, but revealing the secret of Martyn’s immunity to animus magic that he has so desperately tried to keep might just be the solution these trapped dragons need to escape.

Beyond these summaries, I’m going to try and keep these story explanations brief, however, if you’re interested is All Of The Art + commentary + more story explored through the art, then you can keep reading under the cut :) also just as a warning there is a lot of undetailed cartoon blood below

Designs

before writing, these were my first pass of most of the designs in the series! As you can probably tell from the references of the main three characters at the top, Scar, Grian, and even Martyn have changed quite a bit, and if I ever return to this series, other designs will probably change as well. Except Joel and Bdubs. Those are peak. The biggest change from these designs, is that Jimmy is not actually a dragon in this fic!(which is why I included the third picture with him, Scott, and Grian) He is super human, and he dies first for A REASON. He just looks the way canon Jimmy does, minus the wings.

Full Pieces

I made two fully rendered pieces for this fic. To the left is a scene from the academy where Pearl, Ren, and BigB are play fighting in the mountains while Grian and Scar watch. Grian is very uptight in the academy, struggling socially, and his friends, painfully aware Grian comes from a bad home situation and possibly raised in a cult, are trying to help him relax and have a nice time in school while he has the chance.

On the right is a scene from far into the death game, where Scar is overtaken by the magic of his red life, and is threatening to force Grian to kill all three Dogwarts dragons, and at the same time, blowing himself up in the process. The dragon on the left is Skizz and I hate his design, however the little tie thing is hilarious.

Chapter Headers

I made a ton of headers for the chapters of this fic, though most of them are broken on ao3 as far as I’m aware. However, you can see them here!

dragons featured in order of appearance: Scar, Pearl, BigB, Grian, Martyn, Scott, Jimmy, Ren. This isn’t actually every header but I’m going to run out of images and these cover most of them. The ones I left out aren’t anything special.

Mini Comics + Misc Art

I have literally run out of image slots. But that’s okay (most of the stuff was covered, but if you want to scroll through the hermitdragons tag then feel free). Hope you enjoyed regardless! This series is still very close to my heart, and even though I kind of lost touch with it, it’s something I still love dearly. Thanks for reading :)

#hermitcraft #life series smp #third life #life series #traffic smp #gtws #goodtimeswithscar #grian #martyn inthelittlewood #inthelittlewood #scott smajor #smajor #jimmy solidarity #solidaritygaming #desert duo #dogwarts #evo watchers #pearlecentmoon #bigbst4tz2 #bigbstatz #trafficfic #trafficblr #hermitdragons au

[racefortheironthrone]

As someone with your history of labor activism and knowledge of labor history in the U.S., do you have an opinion on the modern IWW? Quite a lot of calls for unionization I see on line include links to the IWW website. However, as a dues paying member, it's always seemed to me like the IWW could stand to do (much) more than it does currently. Do you think that they are a good part of the drive to improve labor conditions, or a distraction?

Oh man, you're just determined to get me in trouble with a very vocal group of terminally online folks, aren't you?

To be honest, I think it's a bad sign that a lot of the high profile strikes and organizing drives of the past couple years - including in areas where the IWW used to have a presence like the Starbucks campaign - have happened outside the IWW's auspices, often showing that traditional unions like SAG-AFTRA or the WGA or the UAW or UFCW (in the case of the REI organizing drive) can combine the same spirit of grassroots militancy with an actual commitment to running their unions like unions.

That's not to say that the modern IWW is a bad organization per se, but in looking through their website for recent campaigns, it all seems a bit small ball. I think they may have gotten lapped in recent years.

#trade unions #labor studies #labor history #labor movement #iww

[zoekeating]

Dear Listeners,

It’s winter break here in Vermont so my son and I have been out on the slopes every day. For many years I have stayed away from fast slidey sports because I was afraid of injuring my hands. If my hands don’t work, how do I make music? But among the many bits of advice I’ve gotten in my parenting journey, “be into what your kid is into” has been one of the best. My lad needed someone to ride the lifts with and I needed to overcome my fear and learn how to fall properly, so here I am.

I found that skiing is not all that different from rollerblading, which I learned to do in Central Park the summer of my junior year. I brought the skates with me on my year abroad in Florence. On weekends there was this amazing city to explore but buses and museums and cafes cost money. And whenever I roamed the quiet streets and parks alone, I would be perpetually harassed, groped and even flashed by pathetic men. But rollerblading was free and, bonus, I am already quite tall, so with skates I was at least 6ft2in. No one ever messed with me on skates. I adapted to the cobblestones and explored all of Florence with exhilarating freedom.

One Sunday, as I was enjoying the expanses of asphalt in Parco delle Cascine, I came upon a group of folks on old-school rollerskates. They had a boombox and were dancing, just like the skaters of Central Park but without the sequined hot pants. They waved me over and exclaimed over my weird skates. They invited me to join them and for the rest of the school year, I spent every Sunday afternoon I could with the rollerskaters. We would gather, dancing and skating around obstacles, and once we had critical mass, tear off along the Arno and into the old city. We’d skate past the David, circle the Piazza della Signoria multiple times and whizz down the marble collanade along the Piazza Republica, ending in a bar, still on skates, for an espresso or aperativo. Those are some of my best memories of my year in Florence.

I continued the skating when I moved to San Francisco, zooming most days through Golden Gate Park to the beach and back again. Sometimes I’d join a similar group of mad skaters on Friday nights to roll fearlessly down hills and through tunnels. Skating was always a great source of joy. But then I moved away from the paved environment of the city and I transitioned to music full time. After acquiring a broken finger from an Evil Door and being shocked at how much that tiny injury impacted my ability to play, I quit skating.

Fast forward to Vermont. Like many people did during the pandemic, I got back on skates except this time with padding, wrist guards and a helmet. And then, as my boy learned to snowboard, I learned to ski. We still ride the lifts together but now he zips down black diamond trails while I ski carefully down the easy ones. He is mystified as to how I can bear to do the same runs over and over but I like it that way. It’s like a meditation. I focus on perfecting my technique and try to make each turn better than the last. It feels similar to one of the things I enjoy about playing the cello, which is noticing tiny details and gradually polishing them. How can I improve this one phrase that I have played thousands of times? It never gets old or boring for me.

I hope it never gets boring for you either! Next week I’ll get back to work improving my old songs and figuring out to play some of my new ones in time for my concerts in March.

March 15 - ArtYard in Frenchtown,NJ

March 16 - Underground Arts in Philadelphia, PA opening up for my old friend The Sleepytime Gorilla Museum

March 17 - Le Poisson Rouge in NYC

March 21 - St John’s Cathedral at the Big Ears Festival in Knoxville, TN

And one more

April 6 - Unitarian Univeralist Church in Burlington VT, accompanied by mesmerizing visuals by Alex Reeves

also, outside my solo work on April 7 I’ll be a part of composer Randal Pierce’s ensemble, performing his live soundtrack to George Méliès’ silent cinematic masterpiece, A Trip to the Moon

6:30 and 8:30pm shows

More about all the events happening in Burlington around the eclipse

Thank you for listening and please wear a helmet when you are going fast.

celloly yours, Z

#cello #eclipse #bigears #rollerblading #skiing

[pumpkinpaix]

*vibrating* I had too much fun at the surrealist costume party that I’m too excited to sleep so I started a project lol

This is an adorable stationery box I got as part of a zine earlier this year!!! The print is so cute it was the only piece of merch I got bc I loved it so much

But!! as cute as it is, it’s still a mass-manufactured paper box and there are a number of places where I think it could be improved

first, the square on the case (distance between tray and edge of case) is massive, like a whole 1/4 inch or something and I really dislike the size of it. It’s a little wonkily assembled, and the interior construction of the tray isn’t very elegant.

The ribbon is such a lovely idea, but it’s inconvenient and cumbersome to use. the box already has a magnetic closure, but it’s a little weak.

I don’t have a lot of thoughts so far besides: remove the tray, convert the ribbon closure to something else, maybe a bone clasp or a snap or honestly maybe just remove the ribbons and let it just be the magnets whatever the point is the ribbon has to go

Luckily the adhesive in the outer corners pops off fairly easily with a little pressure, and the inner parts are also pretty easy to detach, though they require a bit more force

Flattened with adhesive removed from the case! (I’ve folded the tabs back so they don’t accidentally stick to anything)

Now I have to think some more before I act so it’s bedtime, but here are the Thoughts so far

1. Tray flaps are adhered underneath the print which is essentially one long paste down across the case. In raking light, you can kind of see that it extends in about maybe half an inch? I am thinking of how to remove the flaps while keeping the thank you message and zine name. you can also see where removing the adhesive has warped and bubbled the paper. this is fine I expected it and am planning on removing the paste down on those areas anyways and replacing them with new material. I’d like to remove the part of the flap under the paste down too tbh because it’ll be unnecessary bulk. To keep the message visible, there are a few possibilities: a) I’m lucky and the whole paste down is easily removed without damaging it and I can just reuse it as a paste down! Yay! b) I can’t remove it without ruining it, so I just cut around it and build a window into the bottom of the inner tray (kind of insane and jobby, but I’ll do it if I have no other options lol) c) I say fuck it and cover it with the inner tray

2. How can I remove the ribbon and replace it with something that still complements the design? As it is, there are just slits cut in the board and the ribbon has been fed through and adhered under the paste down as well. The ribbon is quite wide, which isn’t my favorite. Thinking about creating a decorative bow which hides a snap closure.

ok those are the main Thoughts and now it’s past 3am and I’m getting pretty sleepy

good night! Absurdist costume party was great!!

—

djdjdjdjf I forgot to actually post this last night so anyways hi good morning

#cyanoupdates #art #my art #boxes and enclosures #bookbinding #book arts #oof okay yeah I’m falling asleep as I’m typing no bueno good night

[astarionslittlejuicebox]

The Promise of Eternity (Epilogue)

Author: @astarionslittlejuicebox

Imagine: The reader helped Astarion ascend and became his spawn. After saving the world from the Elder brain and it’s destruction, the reader and Astarion set out to take on the world together. While he promised to never forget the gifts the reader has given him, Astarion has seemed to have changed his attitude towards the reader in the last century…. After someone breaks one of  Astarion’s rules, how will this affect the reader’s fate?

Pairing: Astarion x F!Reader

Trigger warnings: potential for minor spoilers, suggestive themes, language, mentions of death, mentions of blood, abusive relationship, mention of slavery, mentions of murder

Word Count: 787

Imagine Series

Side Notes: 

This imagine series takes place 200 years after the events of Baldur’s Gate 3.  Everything you read in here is a story from my mind outside of the original BG3 character Astarion.

In this imagine series, Astarion is a bit more unemotionally unavailable, and this series will follow the decisions and consequences of that change. This is not canonically accepted and it is just an idea I’ve had in my head! (I do believe Astarion might truly care for the reader after Ascension, but that is open to individual interpretation.)

In this series, TAV is mildly based on my first character I played in BG3; she is a drow and I will make references to her in her background and knowledge as well. I do apologize that it is not 100% your own imagine, but the name for TAV is up to you as well as anything else that I can think of leaving to you, the reader, to decide.

I appreciate everyone who reads the imagines and this series, and I hope you enjoy the story!

TAV POV - 20 years later

“Extra! Extra! Read all about it! The new Duke and Duchess of Baldur’s Gate are crowned today at noon!” A newspaper boy shouted as he held up a copy of Baldur’s Mouth in the air. Astarion and I walked hand-in-hand past the newspaper boy, in disguise as a human couple. “Read more about the former Duke’s charges and scandals on page two!” We continued our leisure stroll towards Wyrm’s Crossing, where our crowning would take place in an hour. 

It had been two decades since Ahriman and Hiedra had been dealt with, and Astarion and I were flourishing. About two years ago, after Astarion landed a position on the former Duke’s council, he had implemented and begun a societal change to how the city of Baldur’s Gate operated. Under his advice, the economy and people of Baldur’s Gate began to thrive; however, before the former Duke could claim victory with Astarion’s policies, someone had revealed to a source at Baldur’s Mouth of some…misdeeds the Duke had done over his decade-long rule. (I would say thanks to whomever did such a task, but let’s just say that disguise self is quite the useful spell.) Ultimately, this information caused the citizens of Baldur’s Gate to revolt, and they elected Astarion as their new ruler.

Of course, we had done more than just improve the economy of Baldur’s Gate. I was a prominent figure in the community for funding free public education that was actually teaching the children to thrive in the world. Tutors were provided to help those who struggled, and higher education was provided with no cost to those who sought it. Vocational training for those who wanted to work in construction and other careers was also free to those interested.

Another project of mine in the city was the construction of a community based shelter, where you were provided with the necessary tools to help those in need get on their own. The shelter provided housing and food until you found a stable job and could afford a house. Part of this project entailed building affordable homes that anyone could easily buy. 

These programs, and many others Astarion and I implemented together, enabled the city to expand and thrive. Hence when the former Duke got caught using the city’s taxes to fund his own interests, the citizens decided that the couple who cared about the city deserved to rule it.

An hour later I stood proudly next to Astarion with a crown on my head as he kneeled before the former Duke’s general placed a sword on both of his shoulders.

“By the power invested in me, I name you Duke of Baldur’s Gate.” A roar erupted from the crowd as a crown was placed upon the curly white hair of my beloved vampire. He stood up tall and looked at the crowd who had gathered to see him before he looked at me. He reached a hand out to me, which I happily took and smiled back at him.

“Citizens of Baldur’s Gate,” Astarion’s voice echoed in the hall with authority, and the room fell silent. His eyes twinkled with amusement as he looked at me, and I knew he was enjoying every minute of this moment. “I am beyond proud to be the one you have all voted to be your Duke. But, I would not be where I am today without the help of my gorgeous wife, (TAV’s name), who is now your Duchess.” The crowd erupted into cheers, which were silenced when Astarion raised a hand. “Shall we hear a speech from our Duchess?” He raised an eyebrow at me as the crowd began to chant.

“Speech! Speech! Speech!” I raised a hand and rolled my eyes at Astarion.

“Citizens of Baldur’s Gate, I am deeply honored to bear such a title as Duchess. I vow to each and every one of you that my work here in the city will continue as before: I will continue to improve the education system, provide housing and job opportunities to all, and—most importantly—I will continue to be a humble and gracious leader to you all. Thank you for placing your faith in us.” Astarion and I bowed to the crowd, who erupted in celebration. 

“Now, who is ready to celebrate?” Astarion and I asked as we straightened up. Sharing a knowing smile between us, Astarion led me by the arm into the crowd as we took our first steps as Duke and Duchess of Baldur’s Gate.

There is nothing in this world that we can’t do and no one who can stop us. Astarion’s words echoed in my head as we mingled with the crowd. We are truly the most powerful people in the world.

#astarion imagine #astarion x reader #baldursgate3 #baldursgate3imagine #ascended astarion #the promise of eternity

[cheri-translates]

[CN] 5th Anniversary - Well Wishes from the VAs

🍒 English translation under the cut 🍒

Bian Jiang (Kiro’s VA)

Hi everyone, I’m Voice Actor Bian Jiang. 

Without realising it, it’s the fifth year that I’ve known Kiro. Mm... I still remember that when we first met, Kiro was a sunshine-like and dashing big boy who always wanted to eat snacks behind his agent’s back. Now that I think about it, he was exceptionally cute. 

Well, in these five years, I feel like I’ve witnessed Kiro’s growth. Even after experiencing many many heart-gripping moments, Kiro continued to be the brightest star in the night, bringing with him an inextinguishable light to illuminate the darkness. It seems like he never needs others to worry about him. More importantly, I’ve also witnessed how Kiro and the Producer met to the moment their hearts were linked. And now, they’re each other’s suns. 

Even though I feel some gnawing pain when the both of you brush past each other, what heartens me is every moment of happiness that the both of you share. I’m very happy to accompany everyone to the fifth year. 

Here’s wishing MLQC a happy fifth anniversary. Aside from looking forward to these five years with the Producer and Kiro, I’m also looking forward to many more “five years”, and the many stories that will take place in the future. 

A Jie (Gavin’s VA)

Hello to all the Producers. I’m A Jie. 

I was looking at the dates a while ago and suddenly realised that it’s been five years since I’ve known Officer Gavin. It’s about time for me to ask Officer Gavin out for a meal again and talk about the past. 

Eh, as compared to five years ago, Officer Gavin has changed quite a lot. Of course, these changes are mostly due to the Producer. Ever since he met the Producer, he changed from a fearless and righteous special agent to having a most important worry in his heart. He started to feel anxious and frantic on your behalf, and would also display the cuteness of a big boy without realising it. He’s also finally taking care of his own safety because of you. I would say that this is his biggest improvement.

As his friend, seeing the Producer fulfil his dreams from his youth and continue keeping him company till this day makes me feel sincerely happy on his behalf.

May the Producer and Gavin experience more wonderful things in the world in the future. Finally, I wish MLQC a happy fifth anniversary!

Xia Lei (Lucien’s VA)

Hello everyone, I’m Voice Actor Xia Lei. Time tends to pass by incredibly quickly. In the blink of an eye, it’s been five years since we met. Whenever it’s this time of the year, Lucien and I would reach a tacit agreement and hope to give the Producer a special and meaningful anniversary. 

Many rich memories have been left in these five years. Lucien and the Producer have experienced many things together. Releasing fireflies in the forest, capturing the most beautiful sight beneath the aurora, watching old movies on rainy days, and Garda flourishing on the windowsill under meticulous care.

To Lucien, I believe the time he’s spent with the Producer are the most beautiful colours in his heart.

To me, I’ve always been very happy to keep Old Lu company like the Producer, and watch him become a better version of himself bit by bit.

Let me tell you a secret - as compared to the Old Lu from five years ago, the current Old Lu has improved greatly. This is all thanks to our Producer.

Finally, I wish MLQC a happy fifth anniversary. I’d also like to wish our Producer and Lucien happier times together in the future that go beyond five years.

Wu Lei (Victor’s VA)

Hello everyone, I’m Voice Actor Wu Lei. This is my fifth year of knowing Victor. It feels like these precious and memorable five years have gone by in the blink of an eye.

In these five years, I’ve seen many sides of Victor. Because you stepped into his life, you’ve enabled me to discover the more mature and tender side of the “Unsmiling King”. Aside being someone who takes his work seriously, someone who’s filled with passion for life, CEO Victor can also act coy and is a good learner when he’s by the Producer’s side. I can’t help but want to tease him.

I feel that every year is more interesting and meaningful because of CEO Victor and the Producer. I believe that CEO Victor feels the same way as I do.

I truly look forward to the future where the Producer and Victor will create even more miracles. I’m grateful to everyone for these five years.

Finally, I wish MLQC a happy fifth anniversary.

Zhao Lu (Shaw’s VA)

Hello everyone, I’m Voice Actor Zhao Lu.

It’s finally December. I’m really happy to celebrate this memorable day with everyone. From the time I met Shaw, he’s always been a free and brave person. When I’m with him, I’d often run into all sorts of mishaps. But at the same time, I’d receive surprises that go beyond my imagination. I’m really happy to be his friend. 

In the time of knowing Shaw, he’s always bringing me along in experiencing the boundless possibilities in life. As compared to me, this is something the Producer is more familiar with. I trust that with him beside the Producer, the Producer would experience many things that are interesting and filled with happiness. Although he isn’t used to saying mushy things, I believe that you can definitely sense that he’s incredibly, incredibly happy to have met you, kept you company, and barge into limitless and unknown adventures.

Ok. Finally, I wish MLQC a happy fifth anniversary. I’d also like to wish all the Producers happiness every day, and that you may create even more possibilities belonging only to the both of you with Shaw in Loveland City.

#mlqc #mlqc cn #Zhao Lu my beloved

[bellaxgiornata]

I wasn’t sure if you were still doing the questions for author—but I wanted to inquire about #2 and #11 🤗🤗🤗

Also I hope that your weekend helped you recharge my friend 🤘🏻

Ahhh yes! Hi, friend!! Anyone can feel free to ask me more questions from that post here! It's fun to still focus on these fics in some way even if my brain just doesn't want to write this weekend. And thank you! 💕 It was a bit more relaxing than my weekdays go fortunately, but it was unfortunately a short and busy weekend for me. Though next weekend shows a promising outlook for me to focus and relax at least! 😆 And as I've been doing with these since my responses are always so damn long, my answers are below the cut for those interested!

2. Do you consider yourself a writer? Why or not?

It’s funny because I used to view writing fanfic as something that technically was writing, but I didn’t necessarily view myself as a writer back in the day (like years ago when I first began writing fic). But I think that’s just because there’s generally been this negative view around writing fanfiction as opposed to writing entirely original content that you’re trying to publish. But looking back on that viewpoint now, it makes no sense. I definitely consider myself–and everyone else who writes fanfic–writers. We might be playing in a sandbox with some tools that others have given to us to play with, but we’re all crafting something different with those tools. Making our own unique content from it–which is the beauty of fanfic. There is literally so much creativity and love in fanfiction and I’ve read vastly better fics than I have published works, personally. And I also believe writing fanfiction is a fantastic way to improve writing and story-telling skills. I’ve certainly grown in my plot-writing, character development, dialogue and descriptions, etc. through writing fanfic. 

And I’ve written and published almost 1.1 million words over on AO3 in just over a year. So yeah, I’d tell younger me that I am in fact a writer 😆

11. What attracted you to the fandom(s)/media you write in?

This question is a bit more difficult for me to put into words an answer to, but I was drawn to Matt’s character as a whole when it comes to the Daredevil fandom. Like yes, the man is attractive and the whole wounded puppy thing gets to me, but there’s so much depth to Matt and I really love exploring that. He’s often struggling with so much internal conflict and past trauma, even struggling with letting people get and stay close to him. Though honestly, a lot of that’s also true of Michael Kinsella in Kin and Frank Castle from Punisher, too.

So besides finding them physically attractive (I mean obviously), I think I was pulled to these fandoms for the characters. I'm drawn to that internal struggle/battle within themselves and the individual traumatic pasts that all three of these men have gone through. Because I’ve experienced quite a bit of trauma in my past, too, and I feel like I can deeply relate to these three characters and their pain in my own way, especially when it comes to trying to navigate life under the weight of these things that still hang over you. But at the same time, deep down and at their core, they're all good men desperate to stay ‘good’ despite what they’ve endured and what they do. Which is just something that personally resonates with me. Though I will admit that there's just something about Matt Murdock and his inability to take care of himself for the sake of helping others that I also connect with and that I think plays a bigger role in why he's my comfort character and why I write so much for him. I see a lot of myself in Matt–his flaws especially.

#Bella answers for the ask game #I love my traumatized fictional men #what can i say

[lyon-amore]

What if...? Duskwood Chapter 31

Chapter 30

*Macie POV*

 I've gone over everything we've talked about in the chat. It all seems to indicate that Hannah and Amy had something in common, but it bothers me that I can't figure out what it is yet. What happened to them? What did they see ten years ago? Did they know each other just like I think?    "Jaaaake…." I call him boring. I need to do something "Have you found anything?"     I don't want to be annoying, but I feel that my hands are tied, I want to investigate a little bit even if it is.    "I was just going to tell you to come closer" I hear him say after laughing. ". I have found something."     I jump up, walking towards him.

   "What is it?" I ask excited to get new information.    “A forum post, made by Amy” I see him hit my chat and send me a message ". It would be best if you took at look for yourself."     I get the notification and look at the name of the link: Dark Mystery Forum.    "My goodness!" I exclaim recognizing the name "I mean… A forum?"     I haven't seen this forum since I was sixteen. Memories are coming back and I don't know if it's good or bad. I hit the link and see that they have even changed the cover image. A television with a ghostly hand and the title of 'Dark' alone. Before there was the full name. I suppose that in ten years, things change.    "But Jake, this is only accessible to members." I explain, is not a forum you could watch without having an account first.    "Sorry, I have already created an account for us" he tells me as he writes everything to me in the chat, so I can save it ", the name is Nymos and the password is this."     I read the password and I don't know whether to be surprised or think it's exaggerated: 'm$w_33D(izX4?wLL77?<aMWm>'    "Really good password, our account is definitely safe" I let out a laugh and he rolls his eyes ". Wait, I’ss just log in."     I try to double screen on my phone, but the forum won't let me. Great… Ok, I'll try to copy and paste.    "Oh really?" I frown a little annoyed "Have they improved security so much that I can't even paste the password?"    "What have they improved? Jake asks, and I blanch.    "Eh... Don't you have anything to do?"     I see him look at me curiously. But he doesn't ask me why I know that.    "Okay" he steps aside to show me the chat screen "I'll let you watch from here if it's hard to enter."    “Okay…Nymos…and…all those nonsense symbols, numbers and letters.” Jake laughs as I type.     I manage to access the forum. Everything has changed! I wonder if my old posts will continue.    "What do I have to look for exactly?" I sit on the bed, looking at a lot of interesting topics.    "There must be a post from the man without a face."   I nod and look for it. I get the title of: ‘Looking for infos: the man without a face'. The one who published it was Avali.

In it, she was looking for information about… Well, the man with no face. A user named WetTowelDancer names a certain Darkness to help her. Also another user names him. This Darkness must be important in this forum.    "I've read the post." I announced, looking at him.    "Good." Jake turns in his chair, to talk to me "There is no doubt that it was actually Amy Bell Lewis who was behind that psudonym. And she was occupying herself with the legend of the man without a face"    "How did you manage to find this?" I ask curious, wanting to know how he could have spun Amy's name with Avali's.    "Well" he scratches the back of his neck, in a modest way ", to put it simply, I found out about her artistic pseudonym ‘Avali’. From then on, it was easy."    "Not bad." I smile at him.     He smiles proudly at me and I see how his eyes shine.    "Good, back to the forum post" he returns to the screen, reading it, while I use my phone "It is truly unfortunate that the conversation did not continue in the public forum” he sighs "This user appears to have sent Amy a direct message."    "You mean this 'Darkness' guy? He seems quite popular on the forum."    "Yeah."     As I read, I start to think about everything that I have obtained until I arrive at this forum. I look a little sadly at the screen.    "Was she being followed too?" I ask sadly, thinking about what he must have done to poor Amy.    "My answers would merely be speculation." Jake's tone calms me down, he must have noticed my tone of voice that has gone from excited to empathetic. "I think you should mingle in with the people in this forum" he turns a little and I look at him excitedly. Finally! Job! ". If you can get the attention of this 'Darkness' and he tells you what he discussed with Amy, then we would be one big step further."    "I’ve been waiting for a new job to do." I can't hide my excitement. After Richy, I haven't been able to do anything. "I know my way around  forums."    "That's certainly an advantage in this matter," he crosses his arms looking at me proudly now. "I suspect your chances will be highest if you post directly in the thread made by Amy."    "Understood."    "However" he holds up his finger, as if he were giving me an explanation ", you should be cautious. This appears to be a tightly-knit community" Don’t you say? ", and the fact that this Darkness does not just publicly reveal information says a lot about him."     He must be someone discreet enough and curious to know why Amy wanted to know about that legend, knowing that there is not much to explain about it, it’s a normal legend.    "I'll get it." I tell him determined.    "I know" he looks at me proudly again, with that smile that makes me feel important to him... "You can also find the forum in your applications."    "Thanks, it will be easier to find."    "Then I'll wait for new news."     I nod without taking my eyes off my phone, starting with my homework.

 I put a post naming Whitecollar first, so he can tell me what else is known. While I wait, I browse the forum a bit, with a smile reading my old posts. In truth, I was very involved in urban legends and there were even my investigations that I did with 'him'. And just now his comments were replaced with Darkness's name… Wait… Is it 'he'?! Jessy snaps me out of my wait to text me. Well, I can also talk to her while I wait. She thanks me that Jake and I shared all the information we had. She was more relieved. But the most interesting thing was when the second news came from her while she was going through the car files.   ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Macie Did you find the owner of the Gremlin?

 Jessy Not yet But something else I have the file of a certain ‘Michael Hanson’ here

 Macie Jennifer's father?

 Jessy I think so Would you like to find out? His phone number is in the file 🙃

 Macie Is my name Macie?

 Jessy Hehe 😄 So his number is 93844   ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 I call but they tell me that the number no longer exists. Too bad, I thought I could give us information on Jennifer.  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Macie This number is not in service

 Jessy Ah, danr 😤 The file is really old, too And they probably never updated the number Too bad 😑

 Macie Welcome to my reality 😋

 Jessy Poor Macie 😅 Hmm Well… There’s an address in the file, too 

Macie Could you give it to me?

 Jessy Sure Brunenweg 4 I'm thinking about going there... But the address probably isn’t current any more, either And Michael will probably only tell me the same thing Iris told me Would you accompany me if I go?

 Macie It would be nice to go, but...   ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 I look at Jake with doubt, would he let me out of here after what happened with Richy? I don't think anything bad would happen if he knew that I was with someone and he knows that Jessy is my friend and that I don't want to leave her alone in these hard times.

 I'm getting texts from Alan while I'm talking to Jessy. Great. Jake's not going to like this. He insisted that I speak to him at the Duskwood police station. Will he know I'm here? The only ones who know at the moment are the mayor and my boss... I hope word hasn't spread that I'm here, at the moment, only my friends know.   ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Macie You know? Ok If you end up going, let me know ☺️

 Jessy Yeah! Macie Holmes and Jessy Watson in action! 🕵️♀️ 🕵️♀️

 Macie 😆

 Jessy You know what? I’ll just continue with these files Finding the owner of the Gremlin is much more important And thanks to you, I had a nice little break 🙂

 Macie Then let me know if you find something out…

 Jessy Sure 😄   ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 I read the messages again a bit and sigh. Jessy doesn’t’ feel good... I ask her if she wants her to talk to me, like Jake did when I let off steam with everything I was feeling at that moment. For a moment I was blinded by my feelings towards what I felt for Richy, confused... Wanting to be wrong just because I didn't want to know if my friend was to blame. She tells me about a dream in which hers childhood friends ignored her and had fun and no matter how much she called them, she didn't look at them. She felt just as alone as she did in her dream when she arrived at Duskwood. It's funny... The feeling of loneliness I asked for a long time ago, when I met them and Jake. I had Lian, of course, but… How can I put it? It is as if I have filled the hole that I left. I smile thinking that now I feel better.   ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Macie Because you were all alone in your dreams

 Jessy Yes 😔 And now it’s happening again

 Macie You've lost a lot of people in a short time You know, when Jake suddenly disappeared... Something was suddenly missing from my life   ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 I look at Jake and remember the months I haven't heard from him. I never thought I would miss someone again, but this time more intensely. No… I don't want him to disappear again. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Jessy Oh There’s one more thing I wanted to  say to you Maybe I understand a bit more now why you like Jake so much

 Macie What?!

 Jessy I mean You got along well when you explained everything to us Almost as if you were in the same room Although I suppose that would be impossible Because something tells me that you would be quite distracted 😉

 Macie JESSY HAWKINS!!! 😤 😳

 Jessy 🙃 😋 🤭 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 I blush when I read her words. Has it been so noticeable what I feel for how I have defended him? For how he has said that he would do it for me? But what did she mean that she understands? Did she like him too? No, no… Jessy is a good friend and she would never do that to me. And more knowing that she went through a deception, she wouldn’t be able to do the same.    "How are you getting along in the forum?" I hear Jake say, snapping me out of my thoughts.    "Great" I replied, relaxing a bit. I'm replying to a response I just received from Amy's post, saying that it's annoying when people crash the forum without reappearing. It's horrible to say, but it gives them confidence. "The topics are super interesting." I feel my voice rise with joy. Ah… The feeling of returning to the place where you were once happy…    "I love to hear that" I can tell from his voice that he's smiling. ". Then I do not wish to distract you any longer."    “There’s something important I want to tell you” I say quickly, before he focuses back on the computer. ". This Alan messaged me." Jake turns to look at me nervously.    "What?" He gets up approaching me "I didn’t see that."     I show him Alan's chat and he picks up my phone, looking at them with concentration.    "He is purposefully shielding himself from me" he says, handing me back the phone. ". He must be using an encryption" I see a smile appear on his lips, as if he found that interesting ". Not a bad job, I have to hand it to him "  "You seem to enjoy it." I commented as I watched him excited.  “I love it when a challenge is put in front of me” he replies enthusiastically "Sorry, that ins’t of any interest to you" he stands up to me, looking at me now seriously. "Please do not respond to him. Even if it might be hard for you."     I look at him worried. It is easy for him that he can hide behind the computer.    "What if he threatens to report me?" I ask worried.    "Then you tell me." He caresses my cheek gently, calming me down. "I will try breaking his encryption anyway, so that I can see messages he send you.” I nod and caress his hand. "Please continue taking care of the forum, which tells me you know it pretty well."    "That's a lie-"    "You've never been so excited about anything before." He smiles at me amused and sits up. "Let me know if you need me."    "Ok."     Great, the guy I like must now think I'm a geek… Has I really shown that much? I think is the only thing I like about my teenage days, the forum.

I continued browsing the forum and replying to the post. I even let a fortune teller tell me the future. Anything so I don't get bored while I wait for them to let me know.

To my surprise, this Darkness guy answers me. I sit up in bed, I had stretched out to be more comfortable. His number was '28749' Finally! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Darkness Greetings

 Macie Thank you for your message

 Darkness It's not often that someone is  interested in the man with no face And it’s never happened before that two people come to me in such a short space of time Who are you, Nymos?

 Macie You can call me Macie ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 I see that it takes him then to answer a few seconds. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Darkness Good to meet you Macie Tell me something about you ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 This is secure? I mean I don't want to tell him but… Ugh… We need to continue with the investigation. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Macie I've had a really bad months And I mean like really bad.

 Darkness That happens to all of us some times Tell me more

 Macie If I had to describe myself with one word... Then it would be… Loyal

 Darkness Superficial. But that's enough to go on ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Superficial? Oh really?    <<I guess you don't trust loyalty much anymore...>>

 I ask him to tell me about what he told Avali. But he tells me what I already know. That the man without a face takes away the sinners, which is like all the stories that exist of those who punish people who have done something. I haven't got anything new. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Darkness Why are you interested in such an old story?

 Macie Because it's real ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    <<Maybe I'll convince him with this.>> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Darkness He is? There are people who have seen the devil And there are people who would not recognize him if he stood right in front of them... I wonder what category you belong to... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 I think about everything that has happened so far, what that the man without a face has done. I think about his smile and how he fools everyone. How he lied on me. He hurt Jessy and threatened Cleo. He rigged evidence so we wouldn't notice him. Someone normal is not capable of doing that... Or maybe my instincts of justice speak. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Macie I have seen him Is that enough?

 Darkness Did it change you? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 If it has changed me? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Macie Of course it changed me ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Because I'm not going to let my feelings get in the way. I plan to catch him. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Darkness I appear to have struck a nerve with that question Have I not?

 Macie Yes, you have

 Darkness Nymos What does the name stand for? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 What does stand for? I look at Jake and my heart races. I don't know what it must mean to him, but I do know what it means to me. On the road that we have traveled together. How we have met and how I feel complete with him. Something I've always wanted. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Macie A lot For two souls that are coincidentally but eternally connected ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Ah… I can't help it… I get nervous reading my words. I hope one day I can tell him too. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Macie And what does 'Darkness' stand for?

 Darkness For the world’s all-encompassing darkness

 Macie That sound very sad

 Darkness Just like the world ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 I tell Darkness that Avali has died after complaining that she didn't show up again. And when he asks me the cause of death, I'm completely honest with him. That he was the man without a face. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Darkness She claimed to only be asking about the faceless man for a friend…

 Macie Did she told you her friend’s name?

 Darkness No And I didn't believe her Come now, a friend? You always say that when you ask about something that you’re embarrassed about

 Macie In her case I think it was the truth though

 Darkness Was it? I still don't know the name though ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 For someone who likes to ask questions, he asked pretty little. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Macie Can you give me Avali's number?

 Darkness You want dead person’s number? You will feel right at home in our community… I will send you her contact info

 Macie Thank you By the way I've been looking at the forum some posts from a girl called Miss Skeleton What happened to her? Why aren't there more posts?

 Darkness Why do you ask? Is she also dead?

 Macie No, I was just asking

 Darkness Don't ask about her again

 Macie OK… ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 We said goodbye after a while and I sigh sadly. He seems like he's pretty mad at me...

 I add Amy's contact and exclaim when I see it. It was the phone number we are missing! *Jake POV*

 As soon as Macie adds Amy, I get up from my chair, pushing it back. The number! It's that number! She was right!    “Macie!" I exclaim calling her, even moving my hand to get her closer.    "Jake!" She says my name at the same time I call her and she comes over quickly.    "Amy's number!" I look at the contact on the screen, without looking away "It's the last number on Hannah's telephone list!"     I look at Macie who looks at me proudly. She's really  done a great job talking to Darkness that… Admittedly, he's a bit of a weird guy.    "Like I suspected." I sit down calmer again and she leans on my shoulder "So, we could have just added her number?"    "No, of course, I already tried that" I replied, rubbing my chin, remembering that I couldn't do too much to risk too much either. "Amy's profile automatically declines any requests."    "Just like Poke."    "Correct" I release the charged air from my chest "This is a great discovery for us. Hannah had her last call with Amy. "    "Conclusive evidence that the two cases are connected" I then notice how she squeezes my shoulder nervously ".Jake, you called Amy's multiple times.” I look at her and see how worried she is about me "Tell me you did it with a throwaway phone."    "Of course." I asked Ashley to buy me one, using the excuse that I needed to make urgent calls. I couldn't just do nothing, so from time to time, I would call to find out who was behind that number. "The calls cannot be traced back to me."    "Shit…    "What's wrong? Macie looks worriedly at the screen, watching Amy's chat.    "I called a few times…" I look at her worried now "Since I didn't know what to do these months, I decided to call at least once a week."    "I'll take care of removing your number from the registry then, don't worry."    "You're the best."     I smile a little proud. I love that she tells me, anything positive that she tells me makes me feel important in her life.    "Okay, check Amy's profile while I delete your calls, if you see any clues let me know."    "Ok."     She goes back to bed and I'm left doing the job of looking up her number in the records.

 As I do so, I focus on keeping her only in mind. Before, I thought about her a lot because she was far from me, now that we are in the same room, I do it in a much different way. This morning, seeing her cry, I really wanted to leave everything. I didn't want it to continue like this. I want… I want to have a normal life with her… What is it like to feel that again but with someone you really appreciate? I finish the list and stare at her over my shoulder, concentrating on finding clues. She's not just the one who got me out of being alone, but she's the first person in a long time who hasn't judged me. Trust me just like I trust her. Macie makes me feel like it's the beginning of everything I want to do with a person. With someone who... 

My face burns when I think that I want to say that she is someone I love... She has become my support, what I want to protect the most. On the other hand, I still don't know what I can offer her.

I get up from the chair, moving closer to her. My hands are sweaty and I'm nervous. I had never felt this way before. I want my heart to stop beating fast because I can't even focus my thoughts.    “Macie, I would like to ask you something.” I say, standing up straight as a stick.    "What is it?"     Macie smiles at me. She's smiled at me so many times I could count and yet she still makes me just as nervous as the first time. The image of her happily eating in that restaurant when I got here comes to mind. The truth is that I didn't think about seeing her, I wanted to not put her in danger by entering the restaurant, I thought it was better to keep her away from me for now, until things were over. But hearing her call me, scared by the hacking of her cell phone... I couldn't just stay in that room. I had to see her and comfort her. Let her feel safe.    "Do you like Chinese food?" I hope I don't sound suspicious with this question.    "Yes, I love it!" She exclaimed, with a happy face.     Agh... I have to sit down or I'll fall right here...    "There's a Chinese restaurant Across the street from the motel " I sit next to her, looking into her eyes. Macie looks at me closely. ", when I saw it, I had to think of you." She lets out a little shy laugh. "It would be rude to invite you to a restaurant where you do not like the food."    <<Please, don't think I really know…>>    "You think of stuff like that?" she asks, as she tucks her hair behind her ear. I can clearly see how her eyes shine.    "You know I think about you a lot." I take her hand and caress it. I've always thought her hands are soft compared to mine and if she ever minded my touch, she'd feel a little bad "And sometimes thoughts like that one cross my mind."     She caresses my face as if she is touching something delicate. If we take away a mother's love, I don't think anyone has ever treated me like this. Someone who would look at me as if I were the most important thing for that person. With Macie, I feel that way.    "I've also been thinking about what it would be like to be together, out of any room that keeps us hidden." I can hear the sadness in her voice, but she smiles at me. "They are very nice thoughts..."    "Would you like to tell me about it?" I ask curious, but excited at the same time.    "Yes, if you're interested."    "Yes, I'm interested." I admit.     Macie sighs and begins to think. The look is lost for a second until she looks at me again.    “In my mind, you're close to me” she says as she steps closer to me and I closer to her "It doesn't really matter where we are, as long as we have the sky above us, watching us.” Her words show emotion, she even looks up at the ceiling as he says it, almost as if she's acting it out. But she means it. "You… take me into your arms.” I place my hands on her back and notice that she gets nervous. "It is a moment when everything is finally over and we just want silence, we don't need words" she sighs and I see where she directs her eyes. To my lips. ". You... You kiss me... And time stops... No one... There is no one to stop us, we are alone in the world... All that matters in that moment is only us..."    "Macie…" I smile as I run my hand up her back and watch her bite her lip nervously. "That is a very nive thought” I admit, and she sighs. ". I really want to be free one day without having to hide from anyone and let them see how happy we are. I want to try to make it real." She wraps her arms around my neck, moving closer to me. A chill runs through my body when she speaks.    "That would mean a lot to me..."     As I brushed against her lips, Macie's phone rings. She has a call.

 We stop for a moment. I don't recognize the number. A bit upset, we broke that rapprochement we had. Macie puts the speakerphone on, worried.    "This is a call from the Maydol penitentiary." We looked at each other somewhat confused. Who was the call from? ". You will not be charged for this call, as the inmate will bear covered cost. If you would like to accepts this call, please stay on the line…"    "Who can be?" I whisper, avoiding being heard.    “I don't know.” Macie says with a shrug.    "Hey, it’s Phil" When I hear his voice, I feel uneasy. It's not just for Macie, but for Hannah as well ". You know, from Duskwood."     I get out of bed, going to the chair leaving Macie on call with him.    "How are you princess? Better than me I hope." I roll my eyes when I hear him say that with a sad voice. Even when he's in jail, he can't stop flirting with her.    “Hello Phil” Macie says, friendly, but her voice sounds a little annoyed. Probably for having called at the most inopportune moment. "Let's just say… It's been quite a difficult morning."    "Ah, so we're the same" please… Shut up and get to the point…. "Sorry for disturbing you, but I just don’t to turn to."    "No, don't worry" There's the nice Macie ". The truth is, I’m glad you called."      I cross my arms, not wanting to get angry or jealous. But I cannot. She speaks naturally knowing that they are being heard. People who might think they are a couple. That they could see them hand in hand in the streets. Someone without problems. Like me.    "I'd stay longer talking about how much you missed me" he continues, still his with that damn flirtation ", because I think I made a good impression of myself."    "Yeah, well" Macie looks at me, almost apologetic with her eyes ", actually it's nice to have a bar owner as a friend." She drags the word 'friend', as if she wants to make it clear.    “Of course,” he finally admits, or I hope so ". Listen, I'm innocent."    "I know" Macie gets up and starts talking walking in the room "But why did they arrest you?    "They arrest me because my connections to Michael Hanson. You hear me? Michael Hanson."     She stops walking and she looks at me when she hears that name. Michael Hanson. Same last name as Jennifer.    "And what does that have to do with everything that is happening?"    "I don't know, the police don't even listen what I have to say" Phil says annoyed on the other end of the line, "they already have it-" the voice cuts off with the warning that the call is going to end ". I running of time” He sounds totally desperate. ". You have to prove that I'm innocent."    "Alright."    "I'm counting on you, Princess."     I get annoyed again when I hear the nickname he has for her. That guy never gets tired of knowing that Macie told him to stop calling her that.

Macie approaches, cell phone in hand, sad look on her face.    "Jake?"    "Yes, I've heard everything." I replied, ignoring her gaze.    "Michael Hanson..."     I sigh and can't help but sound annoyed when I speak.    "So you're supposed to prove his innocence." I want to be calm, but it's weird. Neither with Aiden, nor Richy or Dan has this happened to me, only with Phil. Because I know he's not like the others, because I think that guy would be the only one who would really hurt her "How does he want you do that?"    “He knows that I'm investigating in Hannah’s case” she says, but I still don't look at her. It doesn't make equally sense that he called her, he could have called Jessica because she's his sister "At least he gave us a name.” I remain silent. "Unfortunately, that automatic voice message drowned out something he said" it might as well have drowned his flirtatious too ". I know that Michael lives in Duskwood. His number isn’t current any more but this address might be."     I stop thinking about the case for a second and focus on Macie and those thoughts that lead me to her, thinking that she is wasting her time with someone like me. That I could make her life hell while she was always worried about the government coming after me.    “Jake, I need you to help me looking” Macie squats down, leaning into my lap. I look at her and slowly calm down. ". I know you don't like him..."    "No, and you know exactly why..."    "But proving his innocence is in our interest" she huffed and she took my hand, wanting to calm me down. "You’re annoyed that he called me, aren’t you?"     Am I that obvious? I think it's clear that Phil doesn't deserve someone like Macie. She deserves even better. 

Shit… I didn't want to interject my feelings like this.    "Yeah" I sit up a little in my chair, ruffling my hair ". Sorry, this isn’t usually my style."    “You need to stay professional.” she tells me, patting my leg, letting out a small laugh.     I nod. She is right. I would have to worry more about the new information we have.    "Of course, you're right" I nod, offering my hand for her to stand up. Macie gets up off the floor and sits on my lap. I try to control myself not to get nervous, the previous time it was quite difficult. ". I will concentrate on Michael Hanson from now on."    "One last question." Macie's mouth twists awkwardly. She frowns and I can see her swallow hard. "Will the police know that Phil called me?"    I caress her cheek gently.    "You're afraid of becoming a more prominent target for the police, aren't you?" I ask, worrying about her now and forgetting about my jealousy.    "Yes..." her eyes search for me. Seeking understanding "You should know what that feels like..."    "Yu don’t need to be afraid of the police." I take her hand from her and she intertwines our fingers.     I have thought that if something goes wrong, I will go out to support her. I won't let anything bad happen to her. Not while I'm here.    "I can sense you’re keeping something from me again…" she says annoyed.     I know I promised her no more secrets, but in this case, I have to put her aside.    "I have one more ace up my sleeve" I explained as I looked at our hands. United. Inseparable "You will understand when the time come to use it."    "Jake-"    "Until then, it is not important."     Macie sighs and nods. She curls up sitting up, hugging me. I stroked her hair carefully.    "You know I have to find something useful on Michael Hanson, don't you?" I ask, smiling.    "Yeah…"    "And that being like this, I can't concentrate."      Macie looks at me and smiles.    “Good luck my hacker.” she says as she gives me a kiss on her cheek, before getting up off of me.     I try to calm down a bit after everything that has happened.

 So it's a pleasure to work with this encouragement that she give me.

Chapter 32

#duskwood #duskwood jake #duskwood mc #duskwood jake x mc #duskwood fanfic #duskwood everbyte #everbyte #everbyte studio

[midnightrings]

So after Tumblr finally allowed me to post my recent santhony gifset, I want to take a moment to give myself a short pat on the shoulder here and celebrate my gif-making process^^

I always wanted to learn how to make gifs, but I just never had the patience nor a good program to work with. A bit more than a year ago, I saw a post mentioning photopea as a great alternative to photoshop – and as I always wanted to create gifs, I decided to look up some tutorials on how to make gifs with photopea. My first attempts weren’t that great, but I’m glad that I still chose to share most of my gifs - because now I can look back at them and see the process I made, plus I still received a lot of love on my older gifs.

At the same time, I started watching Bridgerton – and as I became obsessed with that show, I used it to practice my gifmaking skills.

Recently, I saw someone like a gifset I made of that scene where Anthony asks Siena to go to the ball with him. When I first started creating gifs, I often made several gifsets in one day and then just scheduled them – which meant that by the time I opened photopea again, I basically forgot how everything worked lol. But the past months I’ve made gifs more regularly and as I felt that I’ve definitely improved, I thought I could redo that santhony gifset again.

So here’s the same shot from my first attempt a year ago, and below my most recent gif.

I really love how smooth the new one looks. I’ve never been a fan of grainy gifs, but I often had to use a noise-filter to make the quality appear somewhat better. I’m glad I found a way to make them look less pixelated but not super grainy either.

Also adore the difference in coloring. The second one looks way richer and warmer. I’m not sure whether I even colored the first gif tbh. I was super careful with coloring and lighting in the beginning, because I didn’t want the gifs to look too saturated. And making them too bright usually just showed how awful the quality was lol

So yeah, I’m really happy with the process I made. Also, I feel like learning to create gifs made me appreciate gif-makers more. I mean, I was always impressed by it, but I also always assumed that once they learned how to do it, it must be quite easy – now I know that every gifset is its own struggle lmao

So that’s also a good reminder to always show support to your favorite gifmakers (and gifmakers in general, of course). And if anyone read all that and also always wanted to make gifs: just give it a shot and keep practicing. I’m so glad I gave this a try – not only because I always wanted to, but also because this is just so much fun :D

#at this point i just want to gif *everything* #i know my 15-year-old self would be so happy i can make gifs now :D

[trigun-manga-overhaul]

Trigun Ultimate Overhaul Update - Unreleased Promotional Material and Origin Story.

OVERHAUL FRIDAY 12/23/22 - PROMOTIONAL MATERIAL AND ORIGIN STORY.

It's been four years since the project started and the goal has never changed. The only thing that really changed was the scope of it and how much material was needed to keep people interested and all the edits made in connection with that. It started as a single man undertaking but eventually grew to have a consistent team of three, along with a few guest helpers here and there.

In this post we'll share the story of how the project came to be and then a few iterations of these edits we've made.

(Above: Early Overhaul promotional edit.)

THE STORY

To briefly tell the story of how we got here, we've got to go back to 2018.

It started with me, the project leader, D, getting into Trigun in November of 2018. Being a relatively new fan, I have learned a lot in the brief time I've been in this fandom and community, actually, it was pretty dead when I came around. I had no intention of being alone in my newfound interest, so I wanted to start get things going and wrote up a plan for how I wanted to revive the fandom as a whole.

At the same time, I started checking up on the history of the fandom in every corner it existed, learning more and more about what has happened in the past and where everyone went. During that dive I learned about people's displeasure over the manga and how there were two translations. I realized quickly afterwards that I had seen both in my desire to read the manga back at the start, and that I had found the Scanlation first but immediately dropped it due to the horrible quality and went on to find the Dark Horse Comics translation.

But what I few from fans of the past, a repeated notion between more dedicated fans, was that the Dark Horse Comics translation was also subpar and that the writing was off, something I agreed with.

I've always been a very determined person and a perfectionist, so it was just a matter of time before I decided to be the one to make that new translation. I got all the files I needed and started working on a method for preparing them, planning out everything I needed done before I really could get to work. I was doing all of this in the background while I made daily content for the subreddit in early 2019, back when there were only about 2000 people. I also started a Trigun Discord server, TriCord, at the time, wanting to connect with as many people as possible.

(Above: The thumbnail for the Spotify playlist "Dancing Revolver.")

I spent the next months cleaning pages. I was removing text and redrawing bubbles and backgrounds as needed, as well as removing compression from the downloaded pages to make them clear and crisp. Some would see it as tedious work but I personally quite enjoyed it. It was pretty therapeutic and a nice way to unwind after coming home from work.

On a more personal note, it was also really nice to have this project on the side when things went a little sideways. Within the span of a single week both my parents were suddenly hospitalized and I had to temporarily move into a room at their house, so that I could look after them when they came back from hospital, as they required care. My mom was wheelchair bound for a month and then used crutches for a while afterwards, and my dad was very ill. With all that worry, it was vital to be able to clear my mind with a bit of creative work. My dad was diagnosed with cancer then, but through a successful operation, he made a full recovery and has been cancer free since.

A month or so later, I finished the entire cleaning process, allowing me to tackle the translation finally.

(Above: A black background variation of the 10/29/21 release.)

In retrospective, there's a ton about the earliest translations that I want to change in the new version, as my skill have vastly improved since. I have more experience and the tools I have have grown, so I would be able to do a better job today than back then, another reason why 2.0 is needed before I'm satisfied with the work done.

In late 2019 I had some help looking over pages I've already translated and typeset, just to get a better sense for what I need to look out for. This is the first time I'm actually working with anyone on the project, having been handling the planning and work alone before this. However, those who were kind to help me out didn't have all the time in the world to help out whenever it was needed, and they weren't as deeply into the process I was, so it was difficult for a few people to get a feel for what I wanted exactly.

I had a stable work partner from November 2019 and to July 2020 but then that partnership went silent. It wasn't before the summer of 2020 that I ended up with one of my current stable partners for the project, someone who really brought the quality of the writing to a whole new level. That partner being Vulpana. With our combined set of skills, I personally feel like the final results of our writing that improved greatly.

Later the second work partner, Arth, would join. With a sharp eye for all the technicalities of writing, as well as a much less constantly tired eye on all the work, we have reached as good as the text can get. I am very happy with the work we're doing together, the feel of it and the coherency. We work really well together and our communication is professional and fantastic.

(Above: The first version of the credit page for Trigul Vol 2.)

It was also through encouragement from various parties that I decided to list the Overhaul project on my CV while looking for another job. As I personally didn't see the point in listing a nerdy project, others insisted it couldn't hurt and that the project in of itself is impressive.

I had to eat my own words in late 2021 though, as I ended up getting offered a job as a professional translator for a respected international theater anthropology organization. They expressed their interest in my project, noting that they were impressed by the personal dedication to translate and formulate for fun. I gladly accepted the position, of course, and it became my dream job. Been working that position since and it has both helped my project and my project has helped it.

As there's not much else to say, I'll share a few more images as promised! Enjoy!

(Above: Early idea for the credit page for Trigun Vol 2.)

(Above: Spotify thumbnail for the upcoming Overhaul work theme playlist.)

MORE INFO NEXT WEEK!

#trigun #trigun maximum #trimax #fan project #manga #trigun overhaul #trigun ultimate #trigun ultimate overhaul #infodump

[aashiquidreams]

A year ago today I was happy working in a new work field. A place I thought was the right fit for me, even though it was a stressful job. For me it was the fruit of my labor, since I had worked so hard on healing throughout the years. I even managed to earn certificates through it all and change my career path. This was it! I felt like I was finally going somewhere with my life. Money struggles were over and I started to have dreams and new goals for myself again.

A few months later (March) it all came crumbling down due to health issues and two months later I lost my job. Here I was.. feeling like I had failed again. Looking back I no longer look at it that way. I was forced on a different path and had to put in the work to get better. I now see it as something that was necessary to bring me to the point where I am today. A redirection I might say. I’ve changed so much this past year. I managed to build healthy habits and let go of unhealthy ones. This includes unhealthy relationships with family and friends, resulting in removing some of them from my life. I became both mentally and physically stronger. My self worth, self esteem and self love improved. I got somewhat calmer, especially once I surrendered to the transformation, which initially felt like a curse. Along the way I met some inspiring people. People who reminded me of parts of myself I had completely forgotten about. Someone even helped me discover a side of myself I didn’t know I had in me. I’m so thankful for these people.

This past year I also learned about trauma and its effects on our bodies. I came to realize that I still have some work to do there. And I will! I just have to find the right way for me and the money to do this. Losing my job hasn’t exactly been easy financially, but I trust that everything will work out as it should. Working out like I have been these past 10 months is a good start, I believe.

I’m getting ready to go back to work. This time I really hope and pray it’s more in alignment with the path that I’m supposed to be on. I’m now fully aware that last year when I started my new job the warning signs were there. I ignored them and then my body forced me to stop. One of the many lessons learned this past year! Lessons I clearly needed to make the necessary changes in my life.

Astrology played a huge part in this transformation, and although my knowledge in Human Design is minimal, both made me understand and trust this journey a bit better.

This is the first time I’m open about what I’ve been through this past year. Even the people close to me don’t know what it’s been like for me. It’s been quite lonely, but God never left my side. Even though I’m not practicing any religion I firmly believe He always watches over me and takes care of me.

I don’t know what more life has in store for me, but I’m positive that I’m on the right path. I am confident that this will help me attract better opportunities and better people. Maybe down the line even a healthy, loving relationship. More importantly, I’m working on an improved version of myself and I love that for me!

#personal #letter to myself #self love #self care #note to self #healing #trauma #mental health #health #thankful #God #blessings #human design #astrology #psychology #0123 #0323 #160124 #0124

[jade-04]

Dove (Part 2)

first part | part 3

Eddie Munson x fem!Henderson!reader and Steve Harrington x fem!Henderson!reader

Summary: Dustin Henderson’s older sister finds herself in a predicament having to choose between Steve “the Hair” Harrington and Eddie “the Freak” Munson

a/n: Hi! This is the first fic I’ve ever written so let me know what I can improve on. I'm somewhat proud of the second part, I like it but I feel like there could've been more. I feel like this fic is gonna be very dialogue-heavy for a while so on that note here's the second part. Also, message me if you want to be on the tag list for the next part.

warnings: possibly swearing (?) I can't remember

----------

You’d recognize that voice anywhere. Eddie was always subtly flirting with you whenever you would come to pick up Dustin from the Hellfire club meetings, especially if they were running late. He would also come into the record shop to browse or buy a new record. Your interactions with eachother never really went past that, until now. 

“No Eddie, your eyes dont deceive you.” You rolled your eyes, turning around to look at him. 

Now, you didnt hate him, but you also didnt like him. You thought he was a bit of a bad influence as he was held back in senior year twice and was a drug dealer, you just didnt like the idea of him being around your brother, but you knew you had no control of Dustin and that he was capable of making his own decisions. 

“So, sweetheart, you here to audition?” He said with a smug smirk on his face meeting your eyes.

“Why else would I be here?”You responded crossing your arms.

“Oh, well I just thought that maybe you finally gave in to my advances and wanted to see me, but I guess that isnt the case. Breaks my heart.” He jokingly clutched his chest pretending like he was actually in pain.

You rolled your eyes, giggling a little. You had to admit, the man was both attractive and funny, but you didnt want to fall for him. Really, you didnt want to fall for anyone right now. 

“Sorry to break your heart, Eds, but maybe, you’d be a doll and not break mine by letting me be lead singer in your band.” You stared up at him with puppy dog eyes stepping a bit closer. You knew it was wrong to fake flirt to try and get your way, but you really wanted this and were hoping Eddie couldnt resist you.

“Now, as much as I would love to just give you that title, you’re gonna have to go against these guys first, but maybe-” He was interrupted when Gareth yelled at him sounding a little irritated.

“Eddie! Stop flirting and get your ass over here so we can start auditions!” Gareth shot him a look and was probably ready to just start auditions without Eddie.

You and the other two guys sat down on some crates in front of the band as Eddie began his speech about his band and how important it was to be committed to this. He got interrupted by Gareth again though because he was taking a long time to finish his speech. 

“Okay Okay,” He shot Gareth a look “ Last, but not least, you all need to understand that I am also a lead singer in this band with you, you wont get only solos, and sometimes you wont sing at all. Now,” He put that signature smirk on his face “who wants to go first?” 

You noticed both of the guys auditioning with you get up.

“Yea… I’m not gonna sing duets with a guy.” One of the guys said grabbing his bag and starting to head to his car.

“I’m with him on this one” The second guy says crossing his arms “Thats not really..uh..me.” He started walking away as well.

“Well that’s both of your losses!” Eddie yelled after them.

You raised your hand sheepishly, but also quite confidently “So.. does this mean I still have to audition?” You questioned with a smirk.

Eddies eyes landed on you and he chuckled a little. “Before we can let you in, Henderson, we need to hear you sing.” He turned around and grabbed the microphone from behind him, handing it to you with a raised eyebrow.

You got up out of your seat, taking the microphone. “Do you guys know Stevie Nicks?” You looked around awaiting an answer and were pleased to see nodding heads. 

“Henderson,” Eddie said putting a hand on your shoulder “Are you seriously gonna sing Fleetwood Mac at this audition?” You could feel the judgement in his words, but you didnt care, you wanted to make him realize you were good enough for his band.

“Nope. Edge of Seventeen, boys.” You looked up at Eddie with a smirk. 

Edge of Seventeen was by far one of your favorite songs, your voice also sounded amazing while singing it and you knew it would give you a chance of not being rejected from being the lead singer. You shrugged off your jacket and through it onto the crate you were sitting at earlier. It was a bit chilly, but you wanted to give a full performance hoping it would guarantee a spot. You waited for the guys to start playing the entrance to the song before taking a deep breath.

“Just like the white-winged dove

 sings a song

Sounds like shes singin’

Ooh, ooh, ooh” 

Your voice sounded great. Silky smooth with just a hint of raspiness, almost sultry. You repeated those lyrics to the chorus again, starting to feel more comfortable. You were ready to really start performing. You started tapping your foot and kind of swaying your body to the beat. 

“And the days go by

Like a strand in the wind

In the web that is my own

I begin again

Said to my friend, baby 

Nothin' else mattered”

From here you really started to get into it. You were walking around. singing the song towards the band members and dancing, then eventually you came back to the mic stand replacing the mic as you got to the bridge near the end of the song.

“Well, I hear you 

In the morning 

And I hear you 

At nightfall 

Sometimes to be near you

Is to be unable to hear you

My love

I'm a few years older than you, my love”

Before you knew it the song was over. You were breathing fairly heavily as you were moving a lot while singing, but you knew it paid off when you heard the claps from the band members. You placed the mic back down and turned around with a huge smile on your face.

“So?” You asked scrunching your nose a bit.

“Oh she’s awesome.” Jeff said looking over to Eddie.

“Yeah, we gotta let her in, man.” Gareth said also looking to Eddie for approval.

You also looked at Eddie with hopeful eyes.

“My god, Henderson. That was great.” Eddie said smirking “Welcome to the band.” He unfolded his arms looking like he was presenting the band to you. “First rehearsal is Tuesday.”

“SERIOUSLY!” You jumped up and down “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Before you knew it you were hugging Eddie out of pure excitement, it wasnt until he said your name that you realized and backed up. “Sorry,” You coughed a little nervously “but…uh.. Thank you.” You shot the band a smile before grabbing your jacket and heading to your car. 

-------

As you walked away you couldnt hear the conversation the band members were having. 

“Hallelujah” Eddie said with a genuine smile. “I’m so glad my plan worked out.” He chuckled.

“Eddie,” Gareth set his instrument down “You know you could’ve just asked her to join rather than holding fake auditions just to get her to join the band.” 

“Nah” He shook his head “I liked seeing her nervous, made her look pretty cute.” His signature smirk appearing.

You had no idea that Eddie had a crush on you. You always thought the times he would flirt with you was just his personality, so you just brushed it off. You thought he was attractive, but you never really felt anything towards him. Eddie always joked with his bandmates how oblivious you were to his flirting, but you brushing him off only made him want you more. Though, he knew it was a risk as you were Dustin’s older sister making you “off-limits.” Yet, he knew his plan to get you into the band to spend more time with you would work and he was ecstatic.

#eddie munson #corroded coffin #henderson!reader #eddie x reader #stranger things s4 #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson x reader #eddie stranger things #steve x reader #steve harrington x henderson!reader #stranger things

[blackandwhiteandrose]

5 4 3 2 1

Thanks for the tag @mostlyinthemorning!

Rules: post the top 5 works you’re most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular), your top 4 current WIPs that you’re excited to release in the new year, your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year, your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year, and your number 1 favorite line you’ve written this year!

*   *   *

5 works I’m proudest of:

Rose Tattoo (series) - I went from saying I’d never write a tattoo AU to having written one in like, three weeks. It’s now one of my all-time faves.

Gamechanger (series) - Also never thought I’d attempt a sports AU, but I am so very proud of hockey!Patrick.

Until I set him free - I always wanted to write artist!David and I was never quite sure how until this happened. And I love it.

Some kind of alchemy - I’d never tried writing Rachel before and I’m still really happy with the way this one turned out - telling Rachel, Patrick, and David’s stories together.

Gathered here today - I was so excited to write with @dinnfameron, and tell this story that was literally everything my little fangirl heart could ever want. Swoony David & Patrick moments, wisdom and love from Marcy & Clint, with a little fandom crossover action.

4 current WIPS I’m excited about:

I, uh, only have one WIP?

The sequel to beloved is my next project.

3 improvements in my writing: * I’ve just about broken my ellipsis addiction (unless I want to show a legit pause in conversation, but even then I’m trying to be conservative).

* I have been managing to keep the tense consistent all the way through my drafts, which is awesome.

* I feel like I do something a little bit better each time I write. Whether it’s word choice or imagery or whatever, I think the more words we write, the better we will be. Also, taking notes from betas = improvements.

2 writing resolutions:

* Engagement is what it is. I’ve been better about staying zen when I could get disappointed, but it’s an ongoing struggle.

* Write when I want to, not because I feel like I have to.

Number 1 favorite line:

“How dare Patrick tell him differently.” (one hundred words) In context, I think this might be one of the most devastating lines I’ve ever written.

tagging: @stereopticons, @hippolotamus, @rmd-writes, @smallumbrella369, @smblmn, @beaiola.

#tag game #5 4 3 2 1 #writer memes #2022 in writing #BWR reflects

[vampsquerade]

Can I request a story? A Oryx x male reader when Oryx is coming to terms with the fact that he likes other man and confessing to the reader? (Maybe angst with a shit ton of fluff)

yeah of course!! ty for requesting sm anon :D i rlly appreciate it and you for being specific, i promise it’ll be a hopeful transition between angst to fluff

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Oryx x Male!Reader: Together and Closer

Trigger Warnings: Self-discovery (sexuality), comfort

Saif had come to enjoy working alongside you since you became a part of Rainbow a year ago, and he admired you quite a bit. You’d come from a harsh background, like many of your fellow operators did, and Saif found it admirable that you managed to get through what you did and turned yourself around. But what he didn’t realize was that it would also come with having romantic feelings for you.

At first, he was confused as to why his heart would practically beat out of your chest whenever you said hello to him, or when you’d train alongside him in scenarios to improve everyone’s strategies. Every time you pat his back to celebrate training gone well, he has to turn away to hide his blush. You two discussed your shared love for poetry, even writing your own for each other whenever you had the chance. Saif didn’t even know why he felt these feelings, he had never even felt them with a woman or a man that he could have possibly been interested in before. But you? You were different from anybody he should have had feelings for, and he liked different. You had similar upcomings, those of levels of brutality inflicted upon the two of you, but turning them into wills of peace and stoicism.

However, Saif believed he didn’t need the distraction. He had much bigger things to focus on than some man he’d only known for a year. He had a whole other army to train with Jalal, and had to focus on his work with Rainbow as well. Saif also didn’t want to deal with the pain of a possible rejection or the conclusion of his feelings for you. So, he decided to begin to distance himself from you to get his feelings in order. He didn’t care how difficult it was or how much it would hurt him, Saif needed to get himself in check.

You would prove to be his most difficult challenge.

Upon entering the weight room, he caught you in there alone. It was early in the morning, and you only ever came in this early if your memories of the past tormented you enough to wake you up. He wanted to strike up a conversation, but settled with a gentle wave instead. You wave back and beckon for him to come over to you, but Saif just shook his head. “Just dropping in to say hey and work out?” you ask, stopping your set. “Yes, I just came to say hello to you as you start the day. Don’t exert yourself.” Saif said, walking over to the stretching area. You nod and give him a warm smile before continuing your set.

Saif blushed, but since he was much further away from you, he didn’t have to hide it. He patted his face and began his stretches, getting his muscles ready for his usual workouts. As he stretched, he watched you generously wiping down each piece of equipment you used, and felt himself falling further for you. “A gentle, kind force. Forged from the fires of hell, flames that match my own.” Saif recited softly, sighing. He wiped down the mat he used for his stretches before going and getting to his sets.

He caught you staring at him for just a moment, before you turned away and went to the stretching area. “How long have you been here?” Saif asked, looking at you as he did his bicep curls. “Uh…I won’t lie, but I’ve been here for three hours. I just didn’t work out until two hours ago though.” you say, spreading your mat out to stretch. “So you’ve been here since three in the morning.” Saif asked. “Yep. Nightmares were terrible, so now my insomnia is keeping me up.” you said, sighing softly as you stretched. “Just keep yourself busy as you do.” Saif said, looking away from you. You nod and continue your stretches until you finish, watching Saif as you did so.

You then wipe down your mat and walk towards him, “Want to go out drinking with me and a few other operators later tonight? We planned this yesterday and I wanted to ask you then, but I couldn’t find you.” you say, smiling softly. “Ah, no but thank you for the offer Y/N. I’ll have much to do today.” Saif said. You give him a nod, “No worries, keep up your work.” you say, then walk out of the weights room. Once you were gone, Saif sucked his teeth out of frustration, “He’s going to be hard to detach from.” he said to himself.

Months would then come to pass after this, and you and Saif had grown much more distant with each other. It hurt you greatly, as you didn’t know if you did something to make him push himself away. Not only was it hurting you, it was hurting Saif. The feelings had manifested in him long enough to wrap around his heart tightly like thorny vines, where every other beat would cause the thorns to dig in deeper.

You had tried before to get him to speak with you, via slipping little poems in envelopes under his door, but it seemed to never get you a response. The two of you, respectively, went to Harry for advice without knowing. Harry told you to keep yourself open and available just in case he wanted to talk, with Harry telling Saif to find the best time to tell you how he felt. With both of this in your minds, the two of you would spend your days finding the right words before eventually stumbling into each other. “Oh, Y/N…I was actually looking for you. Are you…free to talk?” Saif asked. “I was doing the same if I’m going to be honest...” you mumble, keeping your eyes on him. “Let’s go to my room to have a quick chat then, yes?” he suggested.

Nodding, the two of you then make your way to his room in a tense silence. Once inside, Saif shut the door behind you and had you sit on his bed. As you looked into his little temporary room in the barracks, you saw all the poems you had written him on his nightstand. It gave your heart a slight twinge of pain, seeing that he had read them but never responded. “Thank you for the poems, by the way. I’m sorry I never responded to them, or ever gave you an explanation for my distance.” Saif said, sitting right next to you. You simply shrug, looking down at your hands.

Saif gently wrapped an arm around your shoulders, bringing you close to his chest, “But now you deserve that explanation. I spoke to Harry about this…and now I believe I’ve found the right time to let you know.” he said. You glance up at him, and see the worry in his face. In an attempt to comfort him, you carefully put your hand onto his lap and gently pat it. Saif glanced down at you and sighed, “The reason for my sudden distance was because I needed to sort my feelings for you out. I just…I had never been in love before, especially over a man. You caught my eye once we finally became closer, and I did nothing but push you back away and hurt the both of us.” he confessed.

Your eyes went wide, “You…you actually have feelings for me?” you ask, stunned. “I do, yes. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anyone as much as I wanted you. It’s strange for a man like me to fall in love, as my stoicism tends to push people away. But not you, and it instead brought you closer to me. If you do not share these feelings, I can understand.” Saif said. You frowned, pushing off him a bit, “I do share those same feelings, Saif. I wish you could have just…told me. I can understand your confusion, however, when it comes to realizing you’re in love with another man. I was like that when I was much younger, but embracing it made me happier in this life. And it could do the same for you, I hope.” you reassure, patting his lap once again.

Feeling a bit calmer now, Saif gave you a soft smile, “I needed to hear that, thank you…would you like to be together, then..?” he asked shyly. You had never seen the stoic and imposing Jordanian man so timid before, but it was a rather endearing thing to see. “I’d be more than happy to. And, let’s use this as a way to brush aside the distance. I forgive you wholeheartedly.” you said, smiling warmly. “Yes, brush that aside and work to make each other happy.” Saif said, gripping your shoulder gently. The silence that surrounded the two of you wasn’t tense or awkward anymore, a calmer and more peaceful silence was what the two of you were left with.

#r6s #rainbow six siege #r6s x reader #rainbow six siege x reader #r6s oryx #saif al hadid #oryx x reader #male reader #hurt/comfort #comfort #angst #angst with a happy ending