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papabirdurskeks · 7 months

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Another headcanon post incoming as well as an added addition to my previous headcanon posts I've been working on for a few months.

This time its an introduction to fashion for the Witness's people, but also a bit of an add on to the anatomy posts from here, here, and here. I will break these headcanons up into a few parts as well to make it easier for myself and my brain, but here goes!

When it comes to clothing for the Witness's people, its something that holds some sort of importance to them especially as time goes on. From the start of an era in which was to mostly protect from the harsh conditions of their environment to growing overtime in one of overall comfort and homage to a past long gone but not forgotten, each era of clothing provides some insight to what has changed over time.

-Pre-Traveler Era-

Starting with the beginning during the time of the "Pre-Traveler Era", clothing was meant to be as practical as possible to fit such a hostile environment and ensure the best of protection at all costs. This includes large flowing robes, veils, and covers of all sorts to not only aid in protection from the sun, but also the harsh winds bellowing sand and other debris constantly around them. Most clothing is dark in color, ranging from various shades of black and gray. One would think why wear darker colors in a world that is practically radiating with heat and the answer is quite simple:

Their clothing is loose and allows for warm air to escape and be replaced by cooler air to bring a sort of natural air-conditioning for the body. Darker clothing also provides an extra layer of protection from the harsh sun(s) natural radiation, absorbing and providing extra shade from letting said lights pass through. This means better chances of not getting sunburn and overheating. This also aids in keeping the loss of one's own energy when moving out and about in a vast desert environment looking for resources. The less energy that is lost through heat, the better the chances one has in keeping themselves alive in tough times.

Headwraps are far more common in this time, once again providing the people with an extra layer of protection from the sun but also the harsh winds of blasting sands and debris from hitting them. These headcovers also give them another means of protection of keeping their "hair" safe from easy grabs from others wishing to do them harm, keeping their "hair" neatly tucked in the confines of a face cover or scarf. This scarf also helps to keep them from breathing in large amounts of sand when the winds pick up, giving them a comfortable sort of ventilated breathing until the winds die down. A third eyelid also helps in keeping sand and other debris out of their eyes when these events occur, giving the people a full advantage to venturing out without much to worry for.

Little bits of jewelry were added on as one grew older over time mostly by choice for aesthetic purposes. These pieces were often crafted from a precious stone found only on their homeworld in underground water deposits and are therefore, considered with utmost care when picked for wear. A single stone can be broken apart easily to make many smaller pieces of jewelry, depending on how much is needed for the wearer to have. But once the stones are shaped to the wearer's liking, they can be worn as they please to add a little bit of flair to their clothing/style. These pieces of jewelry are sometimes used as gifts between family and friends, exchanges especially in times when alliances and friendships were made to show one's gratitude to another. It is said in these times that the more one is gifted of this stone, the more luck and joy life will bestow upon them with many blessings.

It is during this time period that one will know how much smaller the Witness's people are during this era. Again, this was during a time in which resources were VERY limited to anyone with water and food being scarce to maintain a proper, fulfilling diet. But with such a limited diet, they had adapted fairly well to their desert environment. Larger feet help them in getting through the slippery sands with ease and darker markings around the body air in the process of cooling their bodies down during long treks of migration. Sunburn is less likely to happen because these dark markings absorb the heat of the most vulnerable spots of the body, therefore, keeping them cool and protected with a natural "sunscreen". An added feature of extra cooling also comes in their larger ears and earlobes, which much like that of an elephant or any other creature living in hotter and drying climates, gives them better circulation of cooling around the head and neck.

While times and conditions are tough, these people have triumphed and showed that they are able to endure and fight back the persistent challenges that life brings them. Only when the Traveler is discovered will things take a drastic change.

-The Golden Age Era-

It has been quite some time since the discovery of the deity known as "The Gardener". The lands have changed and so have the people, evolving over time as resources become more abundant and the fight for said control of said items has significantly died down. Gone are the times of grand migrations and the worries of finding food to ensure one's own family would be able to survive another day. Gone are the wavering dunes of sand and storms alike, the blistering dry heat of the sun(s) replaced now with tropical savannas lush with grasses and trees fed by rivers from the distant mountains. Large pyramid structures sit on the horizon surrounded by vast cities teeming with all sorts of life, replacing the quiet tones of nature for those of industrial sounds of expansion. For now, life is seemingly good and plentiful for the people who thrive during this era.

With such new advances to life, the people have changed as well. They have grown taller and thicker in size with the abundance of food and resources available to them, lifespans doubling and even at times tripling with the advances made to their lifestyles as a whole. Their large feet growing smaller as the sands are rarely ever found among their grand cities. Now they will need to trek about colder and harder stones that line the city streets, their clawed digits holding their balance firmly in place with each step made. Their ears have shrunk in size in addition to the change of climate, no longer needing the extra means of cooling that once fell on them as the sun(s) baked their world silently. Their eyes, however, have grown larger to adjust to the change of light around them, their noses larger to circulate the cooler air through their bodies. The markings on their face have receded significantly, no longer covering the vast majority of their features to protect them from the brightness of the sun(s). Yet still there remains a bit of these past markings from long ago, lining only the main portions of the body in which their nervous system grows more sensitive to its surroundings.

And now with the climate having cooled down significantly, the style of clothing has changed alongside with it. While the many layers of robes and headcovers have seemingly disappeared, traces of these still linger in their current fashion. Longer and thicker robes have become more of the norm among the people, mistaking many to think they could be wearing dresses. These robes are lined with various bits of pointed neck and shoulder pieces, helping to exaggerate the form but also add to the air of mystery and elegance to their presence before others. This style of fashion is common among all ranks and classes of people, making it impossible to distinguish between the ranks unless one is to look at their facial tattoos.

Yet, despite the change of clothing, the function remains the same. These robes still provide them enough cooling to remain comfortable in their environment while also keeping them protected. Added layers can aid during times of cooler weather that they are not used to. But one thing has for sure stayed the same. Darker colors have remained and been used for the same practicality as it had been times before. Some newer colors have been picked up every so often, deep greens and blues alike, turquoise even making a brief appearance here and there. However, these are often reserved for the elite as it is a favored color of their clan, tracing back to the times of the first Bajari and his love for these colors as signified in the robes of his portrait. However, these colors are also found on children's clothing. These colors are considered a sign of good luck, prosperity, and protection (this will be expanded upon in Part 2).

Jewelry still remains but is not as abundant as it had been in times of the past. The precious stones marked for blessing are now reserved only for those of the elite or high-ranking status, but even then, it hardly compares to the royal family that sits above all watching their world and caring for it tenderly. Such a precious gift is now given only in times by close family and friends as heirlooms, granting the individual to gain such a gift an added blessing of longevity and prosperity. Metal working has become more frequent and common in terms of jewelry making, replacing strings of stones that are now harder to come by. Yet, each bit of jewelry made from metal is treated with great regard and care as it would a stone, shaping the metal to something that would be of use to the wearer in amping their presence to others around them.

Headcovers and veils have seemingly faded out of fashion during this era save for the few in the royal family who do still choose to wear them. Without the dangers of others and outside forces to pose them a threat, the people let their "hair" loose and allow it to aid them in sensing their surroundings in better light. Greetings and get togethers of all sorts are met with a casual bow before exchanging gentle touches between parties, all which their "hair" silently slithers about the air to read the surroundings and emotions about them. Only in times of closer and intimate interactions does one allow the other to touch their "hair", the sensitive nerve endings tangling with the others to circulate a deep emotional bond between the parties that give them a full reading of their being. And while pulling and pinching one's "hair" would be considered painful, the people have taken to braiding and gently tying back their hair to avoid such circumstances, keeping these sensitive nerve tendrils safely wrapped in means to provide them extra comfort of walking about. They make sure these wrappings are loose enough to let their "hair" breathe and still make readings of their surroundings.

Overall, things seem to be on good terms for the people and life is just as good as it is prosperous. However, even with a good life settled in their grasp, the purpose of meaning and what it has for them lingers in the minds of many. What is that the Garnder wants from them? What purpose do they serve or have in this universe? Is there something more for them out there waiting to be found?

Only silence seems to be the answer they get for many more eons to come...

-Post-Traveler Era (Alternate Timeline AU)-

The Gardner has abandoned the people. Not a single word was uttered from their silent god as it was met with its other half, only the silence came and soon came forth the calamity. This formless entity that spoke to the people in promise of a purpose has also grown silent and seemingly followed after the Gardner, abandoning them just the same as it had. The world is lost in some sort of chaos now, systems failing, and resources lost, people afraid of what is to come with their blessings soon diminishing and falling apart before their very eyes. This great calamity brings forth a darkness that had not been felt since the time before the Gardner had been found, a sense of hopelessness and despair that churns into bitterness and unending grief and rage. Many people die as a result of this turn of events as cities and systems continue to fail, but those who survive are strong and bitter with resent.

The Gardner had abandoned them just the same as this formless entity that spoke to them to bring it to their deity. Their world, now nearing a husk of what its former glory days have been, is no longer suited to keeping those who remain afloat in suitable living conditions. It was time to leave and venture out elsewhere to a new home, a place in which perhaps can sustain those who survive and prosper. They will refuse to give up so easily and be conquered by this defeat and abandonment. The people have since mastered the skill of space travel, building vast ships capable of housing thousands of individuals without problem. And with many ships at hand to their disposal, the current Bajari has made the mandatory order to leave homeworld behind.

Those who are willing to go are the first to board the ships, leaving behind their homes and many memories of their ancestors behind in hopes of a better and grander future, but linger of grief and betrayal still sit fresh in their minds even hundreds of years past the day of the great calamity. However, some refuse to go and leave the home of their ancestors. The fear of what lies beyond does not hold them back but the abandonment of their home does, the memories of their families and history alike resting still in these lands with some lingering hope that maybe things can get better. The vast majority do not agree with this but allow those who wish to stay their request to stay behind. It is not much compared the vast millions that make their exodus off their world, but the few who do stay remain in this lonely world until their own dying days. Their sacrifice is a testament of the great suffering and grief the people have endured since their abandonment, an event that is never forgotten even thousands of years later down the line.

While many new worlds have been found and contact has been made with other species, home seems to be mostly abided within the confines of the cold hands of space and the ships that carry them. And in spending so much time in space, the lower gravity seems to have taken a bit of affect on evolutionary line of the people. They have grown taller now, thinner even at some points but stronger. Their active lifestyle has ensured they did not loose any of the density of their bones in the lower gravity, even if the ships have provided them a means of artificial gravity to keep them afloat within. Their eyes have grown larger to be accustomed to the vast darkness of space, but also to aid them in seeing what lingers about. Their claws have grown longer to aid in defense and their bodies stronger to fight back against the enemies they have encountered in their travels. Yet the markings remain even after all this time, lighter though in comparison to their early ancestors.

Tattoos still line their facial features with far more extravagant design, added now with piercings to the ears and nose every so often. However, this new act of fashion is seen only with the elite and royal family alike. Heirlooms of precious stones still remain closely clutched to the bodies of many who have them, a reminder of homeworld and the memories they carry. Many of the royal family still cling to these stones as precious as the memories are, adding now to the significance of added protection and blessings they bring. Metal working is still highly valued and found with many in their additional pieces of clothing, coming in the form of bracelets, anklets, necklaces and much more. It's rather rare to come across a person without some piece of metal jewelry on them now.

Heavy and long robes still remain in fashion even long after they have left homeworld as homage to their past and the meaning they have carried for them. And in the changes of worlds and climates alike upon the ships, these robes provide an excellent means of keeping one safe and comfortable at all times. Beneath the heavy robes also lies a lighter set of clothes that is worn as an underlayer, aiding the user to remove their outer robes and not be seen completely nude when changing clothes. This underlayer of clothing also acts as a layer of protection when fighting against others, a sort of light armor that keeps them protected at all costs. Many people are seemingly covered from head to toe in clothing hiding the form completely, with almost only their faces ever really being seen.

Once again, the colors remain dark with only the shades of blues and greens now being strictly reserved for the royal family. Light grays have been added on since the times of homeworld but are becoming a bit more popular in aesthetic choices of fringes and details added to one's clothing.

Headcovers and veils have made a significant comeback since the people have left homeworld, only now they are far more decorated and intricate in comparison to days long ago. These headcovers provide not only an added sense of fashion to the wearer, but also one of protection from those who wish to do them harm, keeping their "hair" tied back and protected at all costs from unwanted attackers. Heavy veils can be added beneath the headcovers for extra protection and decoration as well as intricate pieces of jewelry to the wearer's desire.

One thing is certain for the people, however. Despite all they have endured, their empire has seemingly made a grand comeback and alliances have been made with those who have also been affected by the abandonment of their once beloved deity. Their deep seeded grief and rage has fueled them for survival and prosperity, finding solace in those outside of their species and making alliances in understanding of one another. And while their search of revenge still lingers and carries them through, the people have made it their effort in fulfilling a newfound purpose they have bestowed upon themselves:

To never leave those they have come to care for and ensure they are safe as they are loyal to them.

They are now the new caretakers of this universe. They are the ones who will do right. Their purpose has been given to them and they will be sure to keep it known for every century that passes by them. The Gardner and the Formless Deity will not abandon anyone again...

And there we have it for an introduction! Long as fuck but here it is! Again, this is all 100% headcanon stuff and things for my AU in general so I know very well I can be wrong and what not. But its okay! Its all for fun and that's why I want to share it!

Anyways, new parts should be coming up soon so hoping to show those off soon!

#destiny #destiny 2 #the witness #headcanon territory #oc #sketches #Alternate Timeline AU #long post

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maya-matlin · 2 months

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Hi! It's your devoted Degrassi anon again. I just sent you my first ask since joining this site and now you're also getting my second :) I like how you analyze characters so am asking more about similar and different traits like I did about Zig x Maya in my last ask! What do you think are a few similarities and differences between...Jay and Manny? Between Spinner and Paige? Between Cam and Maya? Between JT and Liberty (good luck finding similarities!) I hope you have fun answering!

I appreciate you continuing to send me asks. I'll do my best with some of these because to be honest, I typically don't think to compare and contrast the characters.

Jay and Manny are interesting because they're both extremely different and yet oddly similar. In spite of having a questionable past involving pursuing guys and not being entirely fair to other girls in the process, Manny is overall an extremely loving, loyal, supportive person who is more likely to help someone make the right decision than destroy their own life. This is particularly true from season 5 on. Jay, on the other hand, is a chaos demon. He's rarely ever the focus of a story line, so for that reason his exact motives are unclear. Maybe he's bored. Maybe he's being malicious. Maybe he legitimately thinks that his underhanded methods are the ideal way to get the outcome he wants. Personally, I lean towards the latter. I think his entire grasp on morality is skewed. For this reason, he rarely ever gives the best advice in a situation, almost always making things worse for the people around him. At least prior to his character development, as much as you can call it that. Manny's a dreamer who is determined to make her acting dreams come true. Jay's more pessimistic and doesn't seem to aim very high. While he eventually settles down with a stable job as a mechanic, it never seems like this is his dream. He's good with cars and has developed enough as person where he's willing to work a legitimate job to make money rather than stealing or like.. being drug dealer adjacent? Whatever you want to call his involvement in JT's dealing back in season 5. But ultimately, both love life and enjoy a good scheme. They're not afraid to lie or stretch the truth to get the outcome they want. While Jay typically does this for "evil" reasons, for Manny it's mostly so that she can live her life freely without judgment or being held back. Also, in spite of everything negative I've said about Jay, he's actually a very loyal person in his own way. Once he truly cares about someone, he never gives up on them. He misses Sean after he moves back to Wasaga Beach and quickly resumes their friendship when Sean returns to town. After Alex dumps him, he repeatedly pursues her. Initially, he only wants Alex as a girlfriend and even attempts to undermine her newfound feelings for Paige so that he can get what he wants. But once Alex comes out and he accepts that there's no future for them, he seems content to be in her life as a friend. Spinner and Jay have lots of ups and downs before forming a firm friendship, but Jay consistently tries to help Spinner even it leads to toxic results. Once Manny enters Jay's life, he basically never considers another girl after that. Manny kind of speaks for herself. Manny's a consistently great friend throughout the series. We see this most notably with Emma. No matter how many periods of estrangement they go through or whatever shitty things Emma says or does to Manny, she always quickly forgives. Off the top of my head, I can't think of a single Manny friendship that she ever permanently left behind other than when she was briefly friends with Paige? Unlike Jay who has very few personal connections, Manny has several. And lastly, neither is particularly judgmental. Jay has his own moral compass, and Manny learned through multiple mistakes that everyone fucks up and deserves compassion.

As for Spinner and Paige, I think they're mostly opposites. Both wanting different things out of life is the reason things never worked out between them. Initially, Spinner and Paige had shallow similarities. Both valued popularity and kind of "ruled" over the school through fear and intimidation rather than compassion. While Spinner intimidated others by using his muscles, Paige connived and hurt others using her words. As the years went on, both eventually grew out of these traits. Paige's growth came first. Following her rape, she gradually became a kinder, wiser person. She underwent another dramatic change following her trial. Facing off against Dean and getting closure over her rape seemed to put things into perspective for Paige. Other than during her feud with Manny at the end of the season, she mostly starts looking towards her future and moving past her previous mean girl characterization in favor of being someone grown up. This is very apparent in the way Paige handles Rick following the paint and feathers humiliation in contrast to Spinner, who basically kicks Rick while he's down. We see that Paige is a very ambitious person with goals to attend Banting and later, to have some sort of role in the fashion industry. Spinner's the opposite. He doesn't seem to know what he wants for his life for a long time. We're supposed to be happy that he decides to be a cop mostly because he wants to play the hero and participate in what no one will call police brutality. Thankfully, he just sticks with running The Dot. By the end of Spinner's run on the show, he's become a much wiser, kinder person. Just not in the same way as Paige. Paige can be extremely judgmental and particular about the people around her making the "right" decisions for their lives. This is typically rooted in classism. Within reason, Spinner is very supportive of all walks of life. It's telling that unlike Paige, Spinner seems to come from a working class background. As soon as he's old enough to get a job, he finds one. Paige only gets a job specifically because she has to pay Spinner back for wrecking his car. I guess because of the differences, Spinner is fine with wanting "humbler" things? I'm not sure how else to describe it. As Spinner tells Emma in their final regular appearance, he's happy with his life. He doesn't want fame and doesn't care about being rich. He seems completely content where he is and simply wants a partner to share that with him. Paige's lack of being able to do this is the reason things didn't work out not only with Spinner, but with Alex.

Sigh. Here's the thing about Cam. I always struggle to say much of anything about Cam or the kind of person he was. I don't think he had a very well defined character. So much of Cam's personality and the way he interacted with others was wrapped up in the fact he was suicidal, depressed, anxious and overall in a miserable headspace during his time on the show. What did he want? All I really know is that he didn't want to play hockey, desired happiness, and liked being around Maya. Cam showed somewhat of a talent for singing, but nothing was ever done with that and it didn't seem to be something he took seriously. He was angry and jealous over the clear vibes between Zig and Maya and perceived Zig as a threat. That's about it? Maya was much more layered than Cam ever was, even during her own depression arc. So, I kind of feel like it's unfair for me to say things like Maya was more outgoing than Cam, was more interested in exploring a physical relationship, or that she navigated social situations better than he did. Or, even that Maya was more ambitious than Cam because she was committed to making her music happen during seven out of her eight seasons. Who's to say what Cam was like prior to arriving at Degrassi? Did he always hate and resent the thing he was best at, or did his mental health lead him there? What if he'd survived or never attempted suicide in the first place? I'd have a lot more to say. But unfortunately, it comes back to the fact Cam was a pretty straightforward character who only existed for one purpose. Sorry. I know this is a disappointing answer. What I can say is that both Cam and Maya at different points were hurt kids who were crying out for help. Their red flags weren't taken seriously or noticed until it was too late. Thankfully for Maya, she got a second chance and was able to get the happy ending she deserved. Cam was literally created and killed to be the personification of Maya's trauma. Otherwise, you could say they were both awkward, insecure kids in their first relationship just trying to figure things out.

I feel like it's going to be pretty impossible for me to come up with similarities between JT and Liberty. They're polar opposites that attract. Liberty is logical. JT thinks and acts based on emotion. Liberty aims to find a stable career. She eventually attends law school. JT wanted to go into the entertainment industry. He was happy working on a basic cable show for kids. I guess if I had to list a similarity, it's that both are willing to stand up for what's right? It's the thing that leads to their relationship upgrade in season 4. But surprisingly, Liberty is braver than JT in many ways. Even though she's the more logical one who tends to play by the rules, it's JT who backs down and is prepared to play along while Liberty is adamant that the recent tragic events shouldn't be ignored by Raditch. But honestly, it's all their very opposite traits that seem to complement one another. This allows them to meet in the middle. At their best, Liberty is happier, lighter, and more daring with JT while JT becomes more sensitive and practical (at least somewhat). It's honestly a shame that their relationship was destroyed so quickly thanks to the pregnancy. Had they been allowed to continue growing without Liberty getting pregnant, I think the rest of their relationship would have played out much differently.

#Anonymous #suicide tw #Long post #These will definitely be published late because my brain has been in a fog lately #There's no in between #Either I have a lot to say or can't string two sentences together

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zionchubby14 · 4 months

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As I sit here in this moment of annual retrospect, I reminisce about what a roller coaster 2023 was to my life.

January brought on an unusual start, as both Mom and I came down with a bout of norovirus for a week. The cause has yet to be determined, but I think we can agree that it was shitty.

February brought on a ice storm that knocked out power to my building for a week. I live in a building with a bunch of senior citizens and we had no heat or electricity for a week, and no word from management or the electric company on any progress. But I will say that the lack of internet and electricity drove me crazy, and taught me that I am a little dependent on my devices more than I thought.

March came and went, and nothing spectacular happened, so we'll move right along.

April...birthday...nothing surprising, other than random bouts of depression and anxiety.

With May, I was absorbed in Tears of the Kingdom for a good month. Whenever I was playing TotK, I was reconnecting with an old friend, who I've lost contact with again recently (I'm so terrible at staying in contact with people, unless it's a daily occurrence and I'm actively thinking of doing so). If you ever see this, Matt, I hope you are doing well.

June brought on more lows than highs (unless it was the fucking heat, in which case, I just wanted to lock myself in a freezer). July was more of the same, and so was August. I'm guessing that Summer is my depression period and I need to prepare for that blue period in the future.

September actually brought me good news because I met an absolute sweetheart of a person who kinda broke me out of those moody blues (upon double checking my past notes, we actually started talking in August, but whatever. Close enough). It will take me a couple more months for us to finally meet, but I am so happy to have him in my life now.

October: More of the same; more lows than highs.

November, I finally met the second love of my life a week and a half before Thanksgiving. I never thought I would miss being in close human contact, but apart from Joey, I miss cuddling with Greg. It was a wonderful time that I cherish and am looking forward to the next time we meet. Also Thanksgiving happened.

And finally, December: the frantic of finding the money to give to our capitalism overlords so we can buy our loved ones gifts that we think they will love. Also, the aggravation of dealing with depression, stress, and anxiety while trying to put up a brave face to decorate the Christmas tree. I will say, though, that it was actually pretty good this month. I reconnected with my older brother at Christmas (went over to his house for dinner and frivolities) and had a good time. Money hasn't been much of an issue as it has been in months previous and I haven't been too depressed or stressed out as I have been (I'll jinx myself for that).

In terms of my weight, I haven't made it a priority, like usual. I have noticed that I'm lighter than I expect to be, and I credit that to overall stress and anxiety. I really need to see somebody to help me find better distractions/coping mechanisms to deal with it all. Maybe that's my resolutions for the year.

Overall, 2023 is done and I hope that whatever 2024 brings around is far better. So Happy New Year, everyone!

#happy new year #annual reflecting

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strawberrisoulmate · 8 months

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✍️🌦️💞☕️💘 for your ace attorney insert!! <3

wahhh yay, thank you!!! I've been on an ace attorney kick lately, so I'd be happy to talk more about my insert!! ♡

✍️: Overall, how does the fandom treat you? Are you a beloved character, or hated? Are you popular, or a minor side character? Anything in between?

I feel like my insert would be pretty looked-over in the grand scheme of things, honestly. She wouldn't be a major main character like Phoenix or Maya or Edgeworth, and would only show up as the defendant in one case and a witness in another. Some people might dislike her, for whatever reasons (I can also see her being compared to someone like Maggey a lot), but I think the general consensus would be fairly neutral.

🌦️: Would you be accompanied by mostly fluff or angst fanfics? Both? Explain why.

Hmmm, I suppose that depends. I think there'd be a lot of angst surrounding my insert's relationship with Godot and how she fits into his narrative (initially reminding him of Dahlia/prosecuting her trial despite her being innocent/him later being convicted guilty of his own crime and being imprisoned for it/etc). But I think whatever angst that would come out of our ship would be accompanied by a lot of comfort fics. I think our main genres in the fandom would be "angst with a happy ending" and "hurt/comfort".

💞: Aside from with your f/o, who else would you commonly be shipped with? Why?

I really can't imagine her being shipped with anyone else, tbh. Not necessarily because I'm only interested in Godot, but because I don't think she'd be a major enough character to warrant shipping her with anyone else. There might be a couple rarepairs and crack-ships out there involving slightly-related characters like Mia or Dahlia (or maybe even Larry if you take into consideration his role in Bridge to Turnabout, but that's a stretch imo), but I don't think there'd be anything outside of shipping her with Godot.

☕️: What are the most common plots of shipping fics between you and your f/o?

Post-canon coffee shop AUs, for sure. I have it established in my canon that we do open up a coffee shop together a while after Godot is released from prison and makes a small cameo later down the line (probably in one of the Apollo Justice games tbh), so I can imagine a lot of fics centering around that. Also, I'm sure a lot of fics would probably dive deeper into the time period where Godot is still in prison that would otherwise be offscreen.

💘: Why would people love your ship? Why would people dislike your ship? How might it start debates?

Oh, the Mia vs Hannah debates would be horrendous, I can already tell. There would be a lot of people who would really hate our ship because 1) my self insert is pretty vastly different from Mia and therefore doesn't "suit his type" and 2) because showing Godot actively moving on from his previous relationship and finding someone new after Mia's death would make a ton of people mad.

I do imagine that there would be people who really like our ship, however, because having Godot move forward with his life and find someone new to love is a pretty blatant display of his character growth and shows that he is finally learning to not cling so desperately to a past he can't change and instead start creating a new future for himself. It's what Mia would have wanted for him — to move forward and be happy — and it makes me glad to think that some people would recognize that and want that for him as well.

#i found the button to make my text small! i've been trying to figure that out for ages and its been right in front of me this whole time lol #anyways!! thank you for asking!!#this was really fun to answer!!#🌸 asks #🌸 mutuals | koda #🌸 self insert | ace attorney #waiting for you ☕

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coruscantiscribbler · 1 year

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Hello there! It’s been a while since we have sat down for a discussion here at the Asker’s Studio™️

A few days ago, a discussion arose, regarding the redemption of Agent Kallus (a story arc from the TV show Rebels)

You took a moment and weighed in:

It's why I never bought the happily-ever-after-on-Lira-San. If Zeb took him there (briefly) I think was only an act of grace on Zeb's part to show Kallus that not all the Lasat were gone. Kallus can never atone for his actions. All he can do is try.

I would like to revisit an old topic - the redemption of Agent Kallus - from a different angle. In our past discussions, you have been very clear about the direction that you would take your fic, We Regret. There would be no Kalluzeb, no happily-ever-after-on-Lira-San, and quite frankly: no happy Kallus, period. I fully embrace this vision for your fic.

I was recently reminded that Rebels was a children’s show, thus, many of the high order concepts, morals and story arcs that I hoped for may not have been feasible for that audience/age group. I staunchly begged to differ, as other children’s shows such as Gargoyles willfully waded into moral territory.

My question(s) to you are:

If you were the head writer for Rebels, how similar would you have addressed the story to your fic? (absent the smut, folks 😈)

Would you have addressed the deaths of the Stormtroopers with more compassion/emphasis?

Overall, are we doing children a disservice by glossing over all of the above: Genocide, instant redemption, casual death

As usual, I greatly appreciate the time and effort that you apply to your fic, and my questions in general.

Aaargh, I had written a lot of this and then managed to erase it all. Trying again, and thank you so much for the Ask.

If I could have been in charge of Rebels I would not have dropped Kallus playing Cat & Mouse with Thrawn. I know the writers wanted it to be a surprise that Kallus has become Fulcrum, but as Andor has shown us there is great drama to be mined from a person moving from total loyalty, to questioning and then to betrayal. And when you have an actor as good as David Oyelowo why on earth would you waste him? (The fact Kallus was wasted in season 4 is criminal.)

I think Thrawn and Kallus admired and respected each other and then Kallus came to fear those all too discerning eyes. Rightly so because Thrawn did unmask him.

The way the stormtroopers were treated in Rebels is part of the reason I started my fic. (apart from finding Kallus a fascinating character). The Clone War series showed such compassion to the Clones, their hopes, dreams, loyalty and devotion to each other, the pain when one of them died. It was beautiful.

Well, the troopers are also human beings and the fact they were killed as casually as if they were droids truly bothered me. After the devastation of the Clone wars, I figured a lot of people would have joined just to have 3 hots and a cot, but there would also be some who were patriots and wanted to see peace and order restored to the galaxy. That was Kallus.

I've never bought the idea that people in the Empire had no relationships. There would be romances, weddings, friendships would form. Soldiers fight for each other, they rarely fight for causes. I wanted to show those connections and relationships.

And of course funerals. The title of my big Kallus Fic is from the opening line of the condolence letters he writes to the families of the fallen troopers. Behind those faceless people in white armor were parents, spouses, children who would grieve at the loss of someone they loved.

It's also why I gave the people in the Lothal Dome and even aboard the Star Destroyer's some sense of a social life. There would book clubs and chess clubs and gaming groups, and I even threw in a glee club. Humans crave and need contact, you can't take that out of them in the few short years the Empire actually existed.

Yes, death should have weight and meaning. It's one of the reasons I never really enjoyed comics. My friend Len Wein used to say "Nobody's dead in the comics until you see the body and not even then." And I would argue that debases and trivializes death. I think it's unfair to ask a reader or a viewer for an emotional reaction to a character's death and then smirk and say -- "Never Mind" a la Emily Litella from Saturday Night live.

I think it's important to be clear eyed about what was being described in Rebels. Genocide should never be glossed over, and I don't see how a person who took part in such actions gets to have a happily-ever-after ending even after devoting five or six years to a more worthy cause. I plan to take my story past the end of the war, and I know what Kallus will be doing after he pays his debt to society. I think if the New Republic had any hope of succeeding it would be because it honored the rule of law. Kallus has to face some punishment.

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noblechaton · 6 months

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on October 16th, 2020, I started playing Persona 5 Royal

on October 16th, 2023, I finished playing Persona 5 Royal

here's some thoughts I have on the game and the inbetween. spoiler warning btw - gonna talk about a lot

I picked up Persona 5 a few Christmases ago for myself while it was on sale at Gamestop because while I'd seen very little from the game I had grown pretty interested - I'd had an interest in Persona 4 and plenty of friends who enjoyed the series in various ways, too, so I figured it'd make for a good like. "in", as it were. but then I never really got around to playing it and eventually found out that a Royal version was coming, one that would have changes and additions and such and decided to just outright wait and get that one since like. it'd be better, presumably

and while I can't really speak to the vanilla experience as I hadn't played it and probably won't I will say that based on what little I know about the game as a whole I'm kinda glad I waited because Royal was an experience

I had few expectations given how unfamiliar with the series I was but I knew it'd be long and that there were sim elements to some degree, though I was surprised by just how engrossing it all was. it really does come across as a life simulator at times, with how much stuff you can do being kind of ridiculous in both good and bad ways imo. I loved the confidants (tho I still think there's one or two too many - Ohya literally never made it past level 1 for me lol) and the minigames like darts, baseball and such. every activity was at least amusing for the most part, though the job elements felt kinda shallow and there were some things I was surprised weren't more involved like the arcades

there's just so much here though, all the same, it's overwhelming but ultimately worth it to try and do at least a little of everything by the time the final credits hit. there's so much going on that it's why I stopped playing at times, because I'd stop for a day or two and then think about all I had going on in the game and all I had to do and just sort of groaned to myself lmao. it borders on a chore at times, but it's always fun. there's a flow to things, where you chat up confidants and play pool and do laundry and go to Mementos to do requests and then go to school the next day and answer questions so you can chat up confidants and play darts and go to the bathhouse. etc. etc. there's a cycle to things that's really addicting when it gets its claws in you, though things are at times kinda mundane and your interest in something can vary pretty heavily depending on the character(s) you interact with

which is to say that I really enjoyed it overall. just about everything up Futaba's palace was some of the most fun, engrossing and immersive stuff I've played in a game, snappy and addictive and so fun. I was having a blast, despite health and personal issues alike, and feel that period of the game is definitely the strongest as far as what I assume the base game was like, and it definitely lived up to whatever hype I'd seen up to that point. I loved the introduction with Ryuji and Ann and the buildup of the concepts and themes, I loved the gameplay and how it genuinely wanted me to think and consider my moves in a way I haven't in most other games, I loved the core cast and how despite some shallow stuff here and there they all got endeared to some level, the music, the style, the story. Yusuke was a great addition, Makoto was even better and Futaba's entire substory felt so impactful and strong, it really resonated with me, and how it connected to the larger narrative was great

and then I hit Okumura's palace and my opinions fucking nosedived lmao. it's not so much that I didn't like the place - the aesthetic was fun, the music and style were still great too. it's more so that Haru had been alluded to or otherwise had a slight presence to that point and then the payoff to her was. Ryuji and Morgana getting into some melodramatic fight over nothing? huh? I genuinely still don't really get it. I don't know why they couldn't do that story earlier on, when it would have made more sense for the characters - nor do I know why it basically assassinated Ryuji's character and likely Morgana's too

it doesn't help that Okumura wasn't at all interesting like the previous palace rulers were - which, granted, was probably intentional given that he wasn't really a natural target in the narrative - and that Haru stayed in the backseat for the duration. she didn't even get that big a moment prior to the boss fight, which was also maybe the single worst boss fight I've ever subjected myself to in a video game, one so bad and frustrating that I almost outright dropped the game as a whole before I took some time and learned how the max difficulty actually makes it easier lmao. the fight sucked, the writing jumped off a cliff, whole place was just nightmare fiction

things rebounded a fair bit with Sae's palace and Akechi taking a more serious role in things and it all kinda smoothed out again through the rest of what I assume was the base game. which I'll say - I loved Akechi. the guy was so much fun, from his social mask that hid the insanity beneath to everything he does in the third semester. easily one of my favorite rival characters in anything at this point, and his relationship with Ren Nobility was a total treat

but yeah. Okumura's palace definitely sucked a lot of fun out of the experience, enough that I took another long break lmao. but a short while back I came back around and knocked out the end of the "vanilla" story, as it were, and found it pretty okay. I think I would have been fine with it had I played that version, but since I unlocked the third semester and got the more Royal portion of the game I will say I don't think I was satisfied with the original ending in comparison

a lot of this stems I think from how much fun I found Maruki I as a character and then as an antagonist. Shido didn't really leave much a mark, the God of Control also didn't do much for me despite the Mementos palace being really neat in design/aesthetic. going from like, realistic, street-level shit people to a girl in desperate need for help to a guy who kinda didn't deserve it to someone who kinda didn't need it to a boring corrupt and shitty politician was kind of lame honestly. I know he technically jump started the game but Shido just left me with very little impact throughout - a guy that needed to go down, but that I wouldn't have flinched at being the third or fourth target lmao. I definitely would have preferred Akechi as the final boss, or something like that

but Maruki was a breath of fresh air honestly. I went into the game with relatively few spoilers or expectations but then it felt kinda obvious that his side of things was both new - an issue with Royal implementation in general imo, it all felt kinda obviously new though I'd say Maruki himself felt the most well fitted - and that whatever he was going on about would impact the end of the game

and boy did it fucking whip

I love antagonists like him. people that you get to know and see and understand as a good person trying to do good for others that's constantly stepped on and shoved around by people with less than good intentions, that finally break and try to take matters into their own hands and become somewhat twisted and corrupted by their own still respectable, upstanding morals and goals. Maruki wanted to help ease pain, to erase it from people and help them, and his intent never shifts wildly nor does he ever come across as some suddenly crazy guy and I really appreciated that. he believes what he's doing is right and, in some way, you could argue that it is - or at least that his goals are in the right place, while his means ultimately aren't

his palace and that entire third semester are sort of highlights for me and I can't really imagine a version of the game without that now. I found it all so strong for the most part that it probably stopped me from ever playing vanilla or at least from playing it for a while

this also brings me around to Sumire - I quite enjoyed her as a character and her story I thought was really solid and given some recent events a fair bit impactful but, as I mentioned, I wish the Royal stuff was better integrated. you go into the endgame and there's a meeting of the Thieves and they basically look at the camera and go "Jeez, sorry, Yoshizawa, you can't come along because you didn't exist when this portion of the game was made :/" and I think that's pretty detrimental. she kind of isn't much of a character throughout the majority of the game, she's rarely acknowledged by the rest of the cast (save Akechi, who I think had his role adjusted in Royal too fwiw) and it really shows, though nothing barring a proper remake of the game could really amend that I imagine and what is there is still good, just sorta nailed into the preexisting structure, as it were

as far as the more general game goes. yeah. this is the one, honestly. I dunno if I can classify it a masterpiece both because I haven't played the others and because there is plenty I didn't like - I found that the romance routes were all pretty hollow for the most part given how most of them end with a sudden turn towards the romantic lol, a good few side characters weren't all that engaging to me and only seemed to exist to give me something to do, Okumura's palace is genuinely that bad, Shido could have felt more important, the twist near the end of the base game was kinda whatever, etc. - but it's definitely really good and has certainly left a mark on me, enough that I keep wanting to play it even now with the game finished. I gave it a 9 when I put it in my media thread and that opinion hasn't really shifted much in the days since. maybe a replay at a faster pace would lower it, or raise it, dunno

above all else though, Persona 5 was an experience, and I feel that word is the best I have to describe it

it reflects a lot of my best and worst days from the last two years, it holds a lot of warmth for me. it's a comfort game, it's fun to play, it's engaging and immersive unlike most any other game I've ever played. there's a lot to it, a lot of gears and a lot of things, it's long as hell even despite my gaps in playing. there's downsides and low points, but there's also some of the rawest shit in a game too. it's got a killer soundtrack, amazing presentation, endearing characters and plenty of stories that gripped me. it ends with an exhausted fist fight against the biggest and yet more understandable antagonist you've faced while one of the coolest tracks in the game plays

it took me three years, to the day, to beat

and I'm glad I saw it through

#noble p5 tag #this post is how i found out i didnt even touch the game in 2022. what the fuck #I THOUGHT IT WAS TWO YEARS. IT WAS THREE

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girinma · 9 months

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i've been lazy with posting this but finished two books on my last boat trip so my thoughts on Kraken by China Miéville and Under Ground by Megan Marsnik.

Kraken

another jacob geller recc and my least favorite of the 3 i've read. Museum specimen collection boy Billy gets his giant squid stolen and enters a world of urban fantasy. It's a fun romp though really good worldbuilding but the central plot ultimately falls flat. 7/10

I don’t understand where breaks between paragraphs are. The scene won’t change nor will the POV character. Why is there a blank line. It feels like it was a web serial and these were breaks from that but if so why maintain them in the print version? Also there will be an indent for dialogue when both lines are by the same person. Why????

Also while I liked the realism of the dialogue it was sometimes difficult to read because of the way things were written as if someone literally said them combined with the accents. Sorry for being anglophobic.

Under Ground

I don’t understand how this book came to a Charleston used book thing when it is so Minnesota regional? A mystery. Anyway it's the 1910s, Katya leaves Slovenia because her parents die and she moves in with her aunt and uncle in Minnesota. but uh oh! the iron mines fucking suck so the miners are going to go on strike. surely the management will be willing to negotiate. right? it's based on an actual strike which is neat. 6/10

In general it's very easy to read and reminded me of grapes of wrath. This is obviously not an Author Author so I cut her slack but there are multiple points where you can tell she’s basically recounting a real thing because it does not fully mesh with the narrative sections. Forrest Gump esque scenes.

I would have appreciated a map of Minnesota because I ain’t been there but also I don’t know how this book escaped Minnesota so ?

For a book about unions, it was Not Socialist Enough. I wanted more vitriol. It tries to paint a happy ending at the end but I think it should be more call to action. “These people will kill you and nothing will ever happen and they keep getting away with it.”

Loved the focus on women, very good. Yes comment on the unpaid household labor the girlies are doing so their husband can work twelve hours in the mine. A shift that long and in that time period? Couldn’t survive without a woman doing everything else in your life.

Boardinghouse is such a good setting. It had a great cast of characters and was very natural to have everyone around. I know they were real but I think it worked really well for the story.

I’ve realized I’m pretentious and don’t really like historical fiction. Like yeah I’ll read it but if I want to read a book set in the past I’ll just read a book from the time period…

Overall it was fine. Not super memorable but it was obviously a passion project so yay Megan happy you finished it and got published :)

AND spoilers under the cut as usual

KRAKEN

The ending is… I don’t know. I like it in some ways and not in others. It did a good job calling back to the beginning and I think it’s very funny to bring The Christian God into this polytheistic world. That being said, I don’t think Vardy’s plan was foreshadowed enough in the middle? As soon as he disappears it’s obvious what’s happening but before that it wasn’t really there beyond the beginning. Also I don’t get it. Ok, he pushed the squid apocalypse forward as cover for his actions? But how did he get Griz to want to steal the squid? I think Vardy giving him the idea should have been made explicit.

I wish the author went more meta with the Griz fight. Like, the book is printed in ink and he is ink! Use that! The author already has some fun with page breaks and italics n such, so put some strikethroughs when Griz is editing reality to delete things and have Billy use footnotes to put things back in. House of Leaves this. Also if he did this he could add like a scene that’s partially destroyed by the memory fire. Literally just add a REDACTED or something.

The little epilogue/finale sucked. Just pairing off characters in straight pairings as if billy and saira or collingswood had anywhere near the relationship of billy and Dane. make it gay. Dane also got a shit ending he should have died with more fanfare. I think the book should have just ended after the cops came and arrested people.

As I said before the worldbuilding is wonderful I love every little concept he comes up with. The gunfarmers are my favorite but it’s all very fun yet aware of the eccentricity. yes everyone has themes weapons and yes people complain about it to their leaders because guns would be more effective BUT NO. The familiar strike and Wati in general was also very fun. Leftist king.

I really dislike Billy’s arc? He starts out interesting - refusing the call, he’s a funny little academic thrust into the world of fantasy. I like how long he’s sad that Leon died but I wished he had more to say about him. Like little things reminding him of Leon and not just reliving the moment he died. But as he comes to accept his role he becomes very much a vehicle of the plot. He becomes simply Hero without ever really using his skills (no preserving no squid knowledge no biology knowledge) and even though yes he lies a bit he isn’t A Liar. He does a little taxonomy at the end with Griz but I want more. He gets a phaser and then he just does what other people tell him. It’s like the author forgot Billy could have any knowledge from before the story started.

Under Ground

Everything after the bar shoot out is rushed but doesn’t go straight to epilogue? Like there was a struggle to wrap things up when the strike fails in real life and nothing good happens ever.

The romance was cuuuuute very cheesy in a This is a Book for Women ;) way but overall it was good. I will take Katka’s “this guy is sooo hot I’m immediately in love with him and will fantasize about him for years before he comes back from prison for being anti-American” over Billy’s “I need to fuck a magician let me call all the women I know.” I did wish there was more of a honeymoon period and not just Paul coming back and being like “I’m also madly in love with you yayayay” because if he got to know her he would have loved her. She is not just some Slovenian girl but she also works on an independent newspaper and does journalism!! His union leader ass would love her pro-labor reporting.

Katka is kind of a bland character though. I KNOW it’s 1915 but she literally is only an individual because she 1. Can type and 2. Likes guns. Could she have a fucking flaw? She needed inner conflict - have her be against the strike and come to view it as necessary, or maybe she’s depressed due to her parents dying and doesn’t see why she should care about the future. She needed something going on Internally beyond “paul <3”

#thoughts on

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tetrisfinished · 1 year

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trigger warning: miscarriage

please heed the warning. if this is something that triggers you...put yourself first and move past this post.

normally i'd make a deprecating joke here about how no one ever does read this but for this post, just the mention of the joke will have to do...given the subject matter.

okay so if you haven't already guessed it - here it is: i've had a miscarriage. and as far as the "process" of a miscarriage goes...i'm almsot done. i will speak to my doctor next week and she will send me an ultrasound and bloodwork req just to ensure everything's "cleared out" and that should be the book end to that chapter of my life.

before i go any farther or begin from the beginning; i do want to say and be very clear that i am not now or have so far accepted any personal responsibility for this miscarriage. and i'm lucky that i've only had ONE person hint at how i have to be more careful. ie that it might have been my own negligence that caused my miscarriage. but i'm here to say...i know how i was and i know i could have been better. but in this particular instance - what has happened has happened and while i have maybe some learnings from it...i refuse to carry the burden of blame on my shoulders for this life event that was written for me, i guess. that's all.

so let's rewind to the beginning of this chapter. i was on the fence for a looong time about whether or not i wanted a second kid.

or i guess, if i'm being really honest - i didn't want a second kid. i was pretty content (and AM STILL) with esa and calling it. but one day, esa was home during a weekday (daycare closure etc) and yasir was busy with his work and i was busy with mine.

still esa came upstairs and asked me to come play with him. even as i type this now, recalling that moment, i want to kill myself and i'm getting teary eyed.

i was just finishing up something that was due (important deadline) and i had an upcoming meeting and it was an overall busy time for me. so i told esa sorry baby i can't play, mama has to work.

and esa has and had heard this statement before. and he understands what it means. normally his reaction is to push and push and say "mama not working" or "mama play" or "make a ground mama" (come sit with me and play on the ground).

but that day...i don't know what it was. maybe he sensed the urgency in my voice? maybe he sensed that i felt trapped too....or maybe his own brain decided to take him somewhere else to do something else.

but he turned around with his toys in his hands and he quietly walked away.

didn't say another word, didn't protest or argue....just walked away.

i sat there bawling for the next 20 minutes trying to re-gain whatever focus i had had for the work i was doing. somehow i think i managed to half ass finish it, but the quality of work was such that it might just have been worthwhile for me to abandon it and play with my kid for 20 minutes.

all this to say that...at that point, i realized the value in having a sibling. the value that i would provide to my kid (maybe....given that they don't end up hating each other anyway) by giving him a sibling.

that was sort of what was the deciding factor for me. so come november, we started trying. and when i say started trying - i mean we just stopped trying NOT to (got rid of our condoms lol). and come december i had a positive pregnancy test lol. so the journey began....

the first thing you do when you get pregnant is a bunch of bloodwork and the dating ultrasound that would tell you how far along you are and a due date. so i went for it. now, i want to preface this with the fact that i never track my period (i'm an idiot, i know, i know, but i just never truly understood the value....obviously i know the value, but i figured there's an ultrasound to tell me so why bother tracking).

so when i went for my first ultrasound, it looked like it was too early for them to even get a heartbeat so the ultrasound tech recommended that i book another one.

at the second one, it looked like the fetus was measuring 7 weeks, 4 days but even then the tech was unable to get a clear heartbeat and so once again she recommended another one.

at the third ultrasound, almost a month after the second one, the fetus was measuring at 7 weeks. so it had even shrunk from where it was the previous time. and actually my third ultrasound was on a monday and i had started seeing blood on the toilet paper on the saturday just prior to it.

so i was fairly certain of what was happening and after my ultrasound, my doctor confirmed it as well. unviable pregnancy, and i should be having a miscarriage (the process of it) within the next week or so.

which i then proceeded to have.

the worst of it was the day and especially evening/night of jan 25th, 2023. for roughly 6 hours that evening from 4 pm to 10 pm i was just more or less on the toilet passing a bloodbath. and cramping. REALLY HARD.

maybe it wasn't as hard to anyone else, but as someone who's been blessed most of her life with super chill periods (little to NO cramping) and a VERY chill pregnancy and delivery....it was tough for me.

and luckily we were out of advil. and luckily it was a wild crazy winter storm night. and luckily my neighbours were also out of advil. but anyway, around 10 pm that night i finally relaxed and fell asleep because it instantly felt like the worst of it had passed and the cramping eased almost immediately.

at that point i think my body was so super tired that i just fell into bed and probably was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

over the next days, i continued to bleed and even today i have TINY little specks of red. but i do believe that i'm either at the end or SUPER NEAR it. and i'm also happy and relieved to say that after that night the intense cramping never came back.

so that was that. and i guess that was that for the physical aspect of my pain.

as far as the emotional aspect...i won't lie (despite the truth making me feel like some level of psychopathic....) - i'm okay. i had one quick little slump (perhaps brought on by the movie i watched called "a man called otto") this past monday but more or less...i guess i had a feeling about this pregnancy from the beginning.

and i was almost prepared for it. SubhanAllah for whatever i was being protected from and whatever pain Allah masked from me so that i can move on so "scot-free" from this pregnancy/miscarriage.

according to my mother - Allah did not protect me from anything, but rather showed me the consequence of my ungrateful behaviour at moaning about not actually wanting a second kid (after having gotten pregnant and having actively tried for it lol). she's not wrong - it was probably that too. but maybe Allah also did it because He knew i was ill prepared for it.

who knows what He has planned. all we know is that His is the best of plans and that He plans perfectly.

so SubhanAllah and Alhumdulillah for everything.

that's it for my miscarriage....

i think we will try again, because despite having gone through a miscarriage that moment with esa hasn't left my memory yet. and the pain of the miscarriage hasn't overwritten it yet.

so i most likely will still try again for a second kid, because i want my kid to have someone the way i have my sister. and maybe they'll realize much later in life that they like each other, and maybe they'll become friends much later...but there is no denying the natural closeness that comes of living together under the same set of parents for the MOST formative years of your life.

this is the end of this post.

much love!

-k

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acsaville · 1 year

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2022 Roundup

As of yesterday I sent in my last submission of the year! It feels a little eleventh hour because the deadline is today for the call, but it's done and I'm giving myself a little break before launching into the new year. Looking back at what I accomplished, I'm pretty proud of myself!

In 2022 I...

--Did 29 submissions. There was a long period in the middle of the year where I didn't complete much, most of which I think was related to work (including a big chunk of the year where my lab was in the process of moving to a new building and all that took a lot of my brainpower). --Got 3 pieces published. Two flash and one longer piece! --Completed 7 pieces, which honestly feels like a LOT. On the other hand, four were flash pieces, so that balances things out a little. --Completed 1 nonfiction essay. My first!

There's a lot more in there, like number of times I revised something (a lot) or trashed a whole section of a story (whee!) or completely rethought the concept for a story (ahahahaha), but I don't really have a good way to quantify those.

Overall I feel pretty proud of myself for the year. I would love to have written more, but I also try to give myself a little bit of leniency, between the aforementioned lab move and work and life in general. I have to work with what's in my spoon drawer.

Having said that, I'm going to try something new in the new year. Some folks in Cat Rambo's community are organizing a group story-a-week challenge, and I'm going to try participating in it!

I admit this feels REALLY daunting (points to number of completed pieces above). I'm trying to give myself a lot of leeway with it, though - only a first draft needs to be completed, the draft can be completed over multiple weeks (so I could bang out a flash and then work on a longer piece the rest of the week, which would be the official story for a week later in the year), and length is not a concern. One thing I've learned about myself over the past year is I'm actually usually pretty good at first drafts. I can get into a sort of free flowing state where I'm just picking things out of the ether and working them into something vaguely resembling a story. It's REVISING that I struggle mightily with. Maybe that will be 2024's challenge. In either case, it will be nice to be part of a group doing this. I'm hoping it will help me to be better motivated.

Happy 2023! May it be better than 2022.

#2022 retrospective #writings

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honey-tea-and-cookies · 2 years

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hey what does it mean if my venus (scorpio) is in retrograde? is it a bad placement?

Hi baby! I'm sorry it took so long to answer this. Honestly Scorpio Venus is a very very good placement when used correctly. I understand why you may be nervous about the retrograde though, so I will clear that up. No, it is not a bad placement. There is no such thing as a bad placement. Some can be difficult, but they all exist to teach us lessons. I will explain what retrograde in the birth chart, and what Venus in retrograde actually means. I would also like to say that once I get to the Venus in retrograde part way down below, there are some trigger warnings. Please read the warnings, and if you are sensitive to those topics, do not read those parts of the post. Stay safe <3

Retrograde In The Birth Chart

Retrograde is when a planet (except for the Sun or Moon) moves backwards. Now, the planet does not actually move backwards. It just appears that way. Basically it's whichever planet's orbit aligns with our orbit (Earth's orbit) just right, so it looks like it's moving backwards.

In astrology, this is exactly what it signifies. It's when issues from the past, or lessons you haven't quite learned resurface. It can also act as a period of time where you must review whichever aspect of your life that planet rules. This can cause disruptions, complications and stress on these issues for us in regular life.

A retrograde in the birth chart basically means this is going on for you all of the time. It means there are more lessons in this area you must learn. Some plus sides to this are the fact that when that planet goes into retrograde for everyone else, you aren't really affected because that is your norm. It also means you learn to master the lessons of that planet. You've got constant issues with it, so in order to get through life and grow as a person, you would have been forced to learn and work through that retrograde. This means you conquer and take control of this planet and it's lessons. Go you!!

Venus In Retrograde

Venus in retrograde means all of these things in reference to love/relationships/partnerships, design/fashion/aesthetics and finance.

- It could indicate being a 'late bloomer' in terms of romance or sexuality, maybe not finding that part of yourself for a while. Or possibly not being interested in that side of life for a long time.

- It could also indicate having issues with money. Maybe you spend too much and end up with not enough money when you need it, or the opposite, save too much and don't let yourself have things you enjoy.

- TW: Divorce, bad marriages, all that sort of stuff. You go through divorce in some way, or have an overall negative experience with marriage (divorced parents, just icks you out, whatever it is).

- A lot of Venus retrograde natives are huge feminists, and really hate female gender roles (or any gender roles). This is not a bad thing!! It is one of the good things that comes with Venus retrograde!!

- TW: toxic masculinity, gender stuff. Sometimes this can go quite bad, and have the native reject any femininity whatsoever. Obviously this is very harmful, and makes for a lot of toxic masculinity or women who are not remotely comfortable in themselves in that way (unsure how it would affect non-binary people. Maybe just immune?? I'm kidding they'd just reject femininity dw y'all I see you. Btw if I have any non-binary followers lemme know!! I feel like I've never specifically mentioned y'all, but I see you and love you <3).

- TW: Self esteem issues, self doubt, mental illness, body dysmorphia, eating disorders. There can be some serious self esteem or self doubt issues. If negatively aspected, it could indicate body dysmorphia or eating disorder tendencies. Being unhappy with yourself and how you look in particular, although it could be self esteem issues for any reason. Please look after yourself my love. Remember to eat if you can, drink water, and remember that we all want you here. You are stronger than you think and you can get through anything (I promise). I've struggled with all this stuff myself, so I understand. My DM's are open if anyone needs to talk <3

- Clashing fashion sense </3

- Cannot choose an aesthetic </3

The last two were jokes, but you get it. Now, because it is a retrograde, this means you will eventually master all of these things! If they are issues you struggle with now, you will one day learn all of the necessary lessons and be an expert on this planet. I know a lot of negative things were listed, but I promise there are no bad placements.

Okay everybody, this is all I have today!! Thank you so much for reading. If you have this placement, let me know how it affects you!! If anything in this post triggered you in any way, feel free to DM me if you would like to. I am here for all of you. Please take care of yourselves, my pretties. Sending you all so so so so so so much love <33

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arthurmorganwateringhole · 2 years

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Hello! I love your post about Arthur's intelligence. Overall, I think people underrate his talent. The man is an amazing artist!

Oh I completely agree, and his artistry is not divorced from his intelligence. @papauue and I have privately discussed how Arthur is a Western 'Renaissance Man,' but before I get ahead of myself, I want to elaborate a bit on his artistry, his journal, and why that pertains to his intelligence.

I mentioned in my original post that Arthur's 2 books are works of natural history. This isn't a coincidence when you look at his journal. Here are examples of works of natural history where the scientist themselves drew their subject matter and observations:

1. Maria Sibylla Merian - Metamorphosis insectorum Surinamensium (1705)

-Merian was a remarkable woman for her time; she was taught art by her family and formally through apprenticeship, but apart from that is a self-taught scientist. Upon moving to the Americas, she published her findings on Surinam plant life and entomology. Just take a look at these:

2. Mark Catesby - The Natural History of Carolina (1734-47, repub 1754)

Not much is known of Catesby's personal life. We have no record of him having attended university or having been formally trained, yet his work shows he can write in English and Latin, not to mention draw. The 2nd image shown here is his drawing of the American Bald Eagle. If you look closely, you can see a pencilled sketch embedded within the illustration! Fascinating stuff. Like Merian, Catesby drew these from his own observations while traveling the Carolinas.

3. Perhaps the most famous work of natural history, Hans Sloane's Voyage to Jamaica (1705-1725)

Unlike the prior examples, Sloane was not only university educated but a scientist and physician with an institutional appointment (not to mention wealth).

All of these examples date from what scholars call the 'long 18th century' (a period roughly bookended as 1665-1818) -- well before Arthur's time in 1899. I mention these examples to show what a rich cultural tradition Arthur is partaking in when he owns books of natural history and emulates their example. By the late 1800s, photography will soon displace the need for these 'Renaissance Men/Women' who sought to replicate on print their findings and observations for an audience who would never travel or leave their homes to observe flora and fauna.

I should also note that the examples I show here are of naturalists who wrote their natural histories before widespread settlement of the Americas. In other words, they were traveling the East Coast as an American frontier. By embedding Arthur (a fictional cowboy) in this rich tradition, I believe RDR2 writers are doing their best to evoke this past age of wonder and discovery (which btw is MIRED in theft and violence against indigenous populations). We play as Arthur in the East, after all -- not the West. The American 'East' is a non-entity, a land we all consider settled and the nest of civilization compared to the 'Wild West.' By making Arthur be an artist and frontier Renaissance Man, we are brought back to a time when the East was once thought of as a wilderness yet to be explored and tamed by colonization. It's a fantastic narrative device that seamlessly helps us forget prior preconceptions about where civilization is and how stable it must be.

To go back to Arthur, I have a feeling that once Dutch and Hosea taught Arthur to read, he pursued these interests in natural history on his own. As someone said in the reblogs to my post, he is a curious man, and curiosity is the prerequisite to intelligence imo. As a trained researcher and historian, I've always been told that the relentless pursuit of knowledge is what makes us great scholars. To find such a humble form of curiosity in Arthur is nothing short of amazing, so I get genuinely upset when people depict him as unintelligent or unable to pronounce big words when we're given such an intimate view of his hobbies and propensities.

#Arthur Morgan #RDR2 #Lia RDR2 meta #omg im so sorry i WENT OFF

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slaapkat · 2 years

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do you have a hal Jordan reading list? Also he's a character that's been around for agesss so I wanted to ask you about your favourite storylines/comic runs with him

WELL it's both a simple and complicated answer. the simple answer: read all of it! the complicated answer: still read all of it but technically not actually :/

1. Green Lantern (1960)

The Beginning. I personally recommend starting from #76 (the beginning of the famed Hard Traveling Heroes arc) and then just reading the whole rest of the run from there, and maybe going back to start from the actual very beginning later. Not that it's bad, per se, just... very notably from the time in both writing and art style and imo takes a little time to get used to. I will admit it's been a couple years since I read this run all the way through so I can't recommend any specific arcs, but as a whole I found it genuinely interesting to read and provides a nice chill way to get comfortable with the lore.

2. Action Comics (1938)

regrettably at the end of his original run gl does get canceled and hal gets booted to having a spot in Action Comics Weekly from #601-635. these are some of my favorites, though! hal's living in hotels, breaks up with arisia, and gets on oprah! a little sillier in places than his original run but overall entertaining and a nice bit of characterization.

INTERLUDE: THE HAL-OLLIE GOOD OL DAYS SPECTACTULAR

-Action Comics Weekly #606

-Green Arrow (1988) #20

-Secret Origins (1990) #50

-Green Arrow (1988) #69

-Green Arrow (1988) #96

YOU WANT THE PAIN OF LOST FRIENDSHIP? THE HURT OF WHAT MAYBE NEVER WAS AND DEFINITELY WILL NEVER BE AGAIN? TRY THIS ON FOR SIZE BABEYYYYY

3. Green Lantern (1990)

the end of acw happens to lead directly and nicely into the 90s gl run. hal's a bit older, a bit more abrasive, and clearly heading somewhere no one wants to go. #1-50 is all hal, and thereafter switches to kyle. i really enjoy this run because if you pay attention, hal's decent into parallax isn't nearly as much of a surprise as you might think. I may be a bit biased due to emerald twilight being one of my favorite arcs of all time, but what can you do.

for more specific recommendations regarding parallax, @ufonaut does have this handy dandy list available which I myself wholeheartedly recommend. It includes Zero Hour as well as Final Night, two major comic events whish are among my absolute favorites as well.

ADDENDUM: Day of Judgment (1999)

here is where hal jordan becomes the spectre. while he doesn't show up until about halfway through, i still find it to be a pretty good read. plus you get this

from here on out hal see's being the spectre solely as a punishment and never truly moves on from that, which contributes to his struggles of accepting his new identity and role.

ADDITIONALLY: I personally find DeMatteis' run on The Spectre to be pretty boring compared to the likes of Ostrander and even Moench, HOWEVER following his demise in Final Night and becoming the Spectre following the events of Day of Judgment, hal's initial period as the spirit of vengeance is.... tumultuous, to say the least. JLA (1997) #35, Green Lantern (1990) #119, and Legends of the DC Universe #33-36 detail that journey spectacularly. hal struggles hard with both becoming the spectre and with the guilt he still carries from parallax. It ultimately culminates in the arc Redemption Lost from JSA (1999) #60-62 in which all those struggles come to a head at once and force hal to give up his attempts at turning the spectre into a spirit of redemption and finally accept his ultimate purpose as the spirit of vengeance.

however! do not fret, as that last story came out in 2004, thus setting the stage for the next part of hal's life.

4. Green Lantern: Rebirth and Green Lantern (2005)

listed together because one is the prequel for the other. yes, I've come to really dislike geoff john and his work in the past year or so, but I unfortunately can't deny that his gl run is. good in places. yes geoff objectively reduces hal to boring space cop and absolves him of all guilt by blaming parallax on a whole separate entity all together. HOWEVER. the main three arcs, Sinestro Corps War (alternating Green Lantern #21–25, #26 and Green Lantern Corps #14–18), Blackest Night (primarily #43-52, but uhhh go here for absolutely everything it's insane), and War of the Green Lanterns (Green Lantern #63-67, Green Lantern Corps #58-60, Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors #8-10). while hal isn't necessarily the main focus in some of these crossover issues, I included them anyhow so you have the full story. if nothing else geoff manages to develop hal and sinestro's relationship EXTREMELY well throughout these arcs, a small favorite of mine being Rage of the Red Lanterns (Green Lantern #28, #36-38) and I regrettably must thank him for that.

5. Green Lantern (2011)

Main focus here is geoff's run, from #1-20. not that vendetti is a bad writer, just..... nothing really interesting happens after geoff leaves, imo. not bad, just not as exciting. hal ended the last run getting kicked out of the glc and has to deal with sinestro getting invited back in. Wrath of the First Lantern is all the more unfortunately probably one of my favorite arcs of all time, a lot of it dealing with how hal and sinestro are sooooo close to being friends yet still on opposite sides of a war. like fellas!!!

FELLAS!!!!!

reading after that is optional, everything in new52 is honestly unreadable and the rest of this run comes pretty close to it.

6. Hal Jordan and the Green Lantern Corps (2016)

honestly no real opinion unfortunately. vendetti is one of those writers who feels like he takes no risks and so most of his work comes off as a little too "safe". again, not bad. just. mostly boring. I can't remember anything of real note happening other than the beginning of it coming fresh off the heels of Cullen Bunn's Sinestro run and immediately throwing away and subsequently butchering any and all characterization made there for the sole purpose of making sinestro a one-note villain again.

7. The Green Lantern S1 (2018)/S2(2020)

Starts off great, ends kinda eh. I can appreciate morrison for tying in all the references to the classics but ultimately falls short. Fine for what it is, though. the Blackstars interlude is honestly the best part of it.

8. Green Lantern (2021)

YES it just started YES it's still REALLY good. you may say it's too early to tell but geoffery thorne is already starting to shine. admittedly hal IS taking a back seat to it all BUT I'm hardcore hoping all of thorne's ranting about how much hal sucks when he's not parallax goes. somewhere.

OPTIONAL: Green Lantern: Sleepers is a surprisingly good novel series by Christopher Priest. unfortunately while no digital copies exist (to my immediate knowledge) you can find the audiobook version on youtube here. book three is the one that focuses on hal specifically, but there are interludes in the first two books which include him still. they all can usually be found pretty cheap on thriftbooks and the like if you ever want a physical copy.

sorry this got so long, but unfortunately I'm.... just not a Specific Rec List sort of person. I find a character I like and consume content until there's absolutely nothing left. Here's hoping this at least gives you a good idea of what's in store for each chunk of hal's history. thank you!

#ask #green lantern #hal jordan #parallax #rec list #this more or less turned into an abstract review of gl/hal history but. it's what i got.

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anarmorofwords · 3 years

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Hi! You're probably not going to like this ask, but before getting into it I'd just like to say that this isn't meant as Kamala hate or anything, and I don't really want to offend.

Having said that, wouldn't it make sense that we get to see how Kamala treated Anna after she came out? It's in all likelihood one of the things that's weighing on Anna the most.

Obviously Kamala had her valid reasons: her parents aren't as liberal as the Lightwoods, she believes (knows?) their love is conditional as she's adopted, she's not white and not being heterosexual could further any treatment she's suffered from being different... Her reasons have already been listed multiple times by multiple people. Kamala has the right to stay in the closet and fear coming out. And while that shouldn't be villianised, we can't forget that closeted people can harm those around them.

If Kamala had kept treating Anna like a good friend, rumour would've sparked, and even if it was denied, she'd have been harmed by merely associating with Anna. Especially with the life Anna began leading; she could have been labelled as one of Anna's 'conquests' by the Clave. That, as we've established, is detrimental for her safety.

But at the same time, it would create a breach between Anna and Kamala. And Anna had the right to be hurt by it and weary of it when Kamala said she wanted a relationship.

If we look at it from that perspective, Anna's actions (though inexcusable in how they treated Kamala --who was also at fault for not accepting a negative for four months) make sense. Kamala wasn't only a fling of a week*, but also the girl she lost her virginity with, who asked her to be her secret (until she married Charles, after which Anna's affections would be discarded), who hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna suffered from homophobic commentary, and who now wants a relationship hidden from most of the people that know her.

Kamala shouldn't be forced to come out; but the harm that can do to the women she may engage with is reflective of what happens nowadays. I can mostly think of examples with gay men, so my apologies in advance. But how many women have seen their marriages ruined by their husband having affairs with men?

Creating characters that reflect a toxic part of the 'hidden' LGBT community shouldn't be seen as hating or villinifying. Thomas isn't out and he isn't labelled a villain by the narrative --because his actions don't harm anyone. The hate Alastair gets in-universe is because of his past as a bully, not because he's gay. Matthew's not fully out and he isn't villianised --like Thomas, because the decisions he makes to keep his sexuality hidden don't impact anyone negatively.

I'll even go as far as saying that not even the narrative villianises characters like Kamala and Charles. If it were, they'd be seen more like Grace in Chain of Gold. We'd see how Kamala's actions are affecting Anna's in more ways than anger (that in itself put the fandom against Anna), and the characters would note so. We wouldn't see scenes were Cordelia empathised with Charles, nor Matthew said he loved him.

Be it as it may, Kamala and Charles represent ugly parts of being closeted that can naturally occur when someone is in their position. LGBT people are human. Humans, when put into very difficult situations (and Charles risks his career; Kamala her safety), can make decisions that harm those around them. Consequently, the people they're harming have a right to feel, well, harmed in whatever range of ways --this goes mostly for Alastair, and very partly for Anna, whose treatment of Kamala was horrible.

Readers need to understand what is pushing these 'villianised' characters to harm (again, mostly for Alastair) the more prominent characters and go beyond how they are instantly depicted. Because these are complex characters based on complex real people influenced by very ugly realities we will move on from someday, but sadly not yet.

By the way, Charles and Kamala's situations aren't that similar beyond the closeted thing, but I crammed them together because of a post I saw you reblog.

Please understand I'm not justifying Charles's actions; that I understand the pain he's put Alastair through, and know that he shouldn't ever be near Alastair. Nor am I trying to justify Anna's actions nor hate on Kamala.

I'll just finish my pointless rant by adding that I do think cc has sensitivity readers. I think she asked a gay man to go through tec (I don't know if he still revised her other books, though), and know she asked POC's input when writing someone for their culture. I don't know much beyond that, but I doubt who revises her stuff is up to her. Wouldn't that be something the publisher is responsible for (honest question)?

*I've also noticed people using the argument that they didn't know each other long enough for Anna to harbour such ugly emotions towards Kamala, but Kamala also remembered Anna pretty deeply and is 'in love' with her. I just wanted to say that considering cc writes (fantastical) romance where someone can ask a woman they met two months ago marriage, stressing over time spaces doesn't make much sense. Just my take.

hi!!

alright, where do I start? probably would be best with stating that while I can analyse Kamala's situation with what I know/see/read about racism and discrimination and reasonably apply things I've read/heard from PoC to the discussion, as well as try to be as sensitive about it as possible, I'm still a white woman, so not a person that's best qualified to talk about this.

that being said - if someone wants to add something to this conversation, you're obviously more than welcome to, and if there's something in my answer that you don't agree with or find in some way insensitive or offensive - please don't hesitate to call me out on that.

back to your points though: (this turned into a whole ass essay, so under the cut)

I don't think Anna shouldn't be able to reminiscent on Kamala's behaviour/reaction to her coming out, or be hurt by it. what bothers me is the way CC talks about it - I can't remember the exact phrasing, but the post where she mentioned this suggested something along the lines of "you'll see how Kamala sided with the Clave and didn't defend Anna after her coming out", therefore putting the blame on Kamala and completely disregarding the fact that Kamala wasn't in position to do much at all. It suggest that their situation was "poor Anna being mistreated by Kamala". therefore I'm afraid Kamanna's main problem/conflict will remain to be portrayed as "Anna having to allow themselves to love again and forgive Kamala", while Anna's shortcomings - and Kamala's vulnerable position - are never discussed. I think it would be possible to acknowledge both Kamala's difficult situation and the possible hurt her behaviour caused Anna without being insensitive towards Kamala's character, but it would take a really skilled - and caring - author to do both of the perspectives justice. CC would have to find a balance between being aware of the racism/prejudice Kamala faced/ writing her with lots of awareness and empathy, and still allowing her to make mistakes and acknowledging them. As it is however, I'm under impression that she's just treating it as a plot device, a relationship drama.

I'd say no one expects characters of color to be written as flawless or never making mistakes, it's mostly the way these mistakes are written and what things these characters are judged/shamed/

And that's - at least in my understanding and opinion - where the problem is. it's that the narrative never even addresses Anna's faults, and portrays Kamala as the one that caused all - or most of - the pain, without ever even acknowledging her problems and background.

White characters in TLH make mistakes and fuck up - because they're human and they're absolutely allowed to - but the thing is, non-white characters aren't afforded that privilege. Anna's behaviour is never questioned - none of it, shaming Kamala for not being able to come out, dismissing her desire to be a mother, or any of the questionable things she did in ChoI. Same with Matthew, James, Thomas. Alastair and Kamala however? they're constantly viewed through their past mistakes, and forced to apologize for them over and over, forced to almost beg for forgiveness. Moreover, those past mistakes are used as a justification of all and any shitty behaviour the other characters exhibit towards them now, which is simply unfair and cruel. They're held to a much higher standard.

So I'd like to say that yes, Kamala was in the wrong to keep nagging Anna after numerous rejections, and she was in the wrong to not inform Anna about Charles prior to them having sex - but that doesn't give Anna a free pass to constantly mistreat Kamala. And let's be real, Anna isn't stupid - while at 17 she could be naive and uninformed, I can't imagine how after years of hanging out with the Downworlders and numerous affairs and being out and judged by the Clave she's still so ignorant about Kamala's situation. I definitely think she's allowed to be hurt, but to still not understand why Kamala did what she did? Anna isn't blaming her for not telling her about Charles earlier - which would be fair - but instead for refusing to engage in an outright romance with her. She's being ignorant - and consciously so, I think.

Overall, I think you're definitely right about how coming out - or staying closeted - can be messy and hurt people in the process, especially in unaccepting environments/time periods, and I've seen enough discourse online to know there will never be a verdict/stance on this that will satisfy everyone. I, for one, would really like to refrain from putting all the blame on a single person - but, at least the way I see it, CC is pointing fingers. maybe not directly, but she is. Kamala, Alastair and Charles have no friends or support systems, and the only people in the narrative that defend them are themselves (ok, Cordelia does defend Alastair from Charles, but not from shitty takes about him and his "sins"). Also, sorry, but I don't like how you say "hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna experienced homophobic comments" - it sounds very much judgemental. Kamala had every right to do that? The fact that she slept with Anna doesn't means she owed her something, and certainly not coming out and most probably destroying her life, or even defending her at the - again - expense of her own reputation, or more possibly safety.

As for Charles - it's a different issue here, at least imo - I fear that it'll be implied that his refusing to come out will is his main "sin", and therefore not something he can be judged for, which ironically, will be villainizing, but mostly will mean his actual sins are dismissed. This is where the scene with Cordelia feeling a pang of sympathy for him comes into play, and it worries me. I've never hated Charles for not wanting to come out, but rather for, let's see - grooming Alastair, disregarding Alastair's needs and feelings, disrespecting his mother, being a sexist prick, being low-key far-right coded "make Shadowhunters great again" etc.

As for sensitivity readers - I'm no expert, so I don't think my input is worth much. From what I've gathered from multiple threads/discussions on twitter, tho it is probably consulted/approved by the publisher, many authors push for that - and authors less famous and "powerful" than her. I'm not a hater, but seeing fandoms' opinions on much of her rep, I think she could do better. Because if she does have sensitivity readers, then they don't seem to be doing a great job - maybe they're friends who don't wanna hurt her feelings? Or maybe she thinks a gay guy's feedback will be enough for any queer content - which, judging by the opinions I've seen from the fans, doesn't seem to be true.

Again, these are mostly my thoughts and I'm more than open to reading other opinions, because *sigh* I really don't know how to handle this.

Bottom line - I really really don't want to be hating on the characters in general, playing God in regards to judging the struggles of minorities, or even criticising the characters too harshly for being human, flawed etc. What my main issue is is how CC handles those complex and heavy topics.

I hope I make sense and this answer satisfies you somehow - I also hope someone better equipped to answer might wanna join this conversation.

* I desperately need a reread of TLH before I engage in any more conversations like this, but I didn't wanna leave you hanging. So yeah, I might be remembering things wrong. Again, let me know, I'm very much open to being corrected as well as to further discussion.

* I use she/her pronouns for Anna because that's what she uses in canon

#the last hours #tlh #alastair carstairs #shadowhunters #the shadowhunter chronicles #anti charles fairchild #is this anti anna?#kamala joshi #ariadne bridgestock #chain of iron #chain of gold #spilling the tea

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scripttorture · 3 years

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Hello! I have a few questions related to your most recent post and the definition of torture. You said:

"A trained person who was never tortured will always out perform someone whose training involved torture."

According to everything else I have seen on your blog, this makes sense - the mental and physical trauma from being tortured have lasting effects which make certain tasks more difficult.

However, this seems to juxtapose certain tropes I've seen in US military training advertisements. For example, "Hell Week" in the Navy SEAL training seems like it would be torture if it was forced upon someone (like if the soldiers didn't sign up for it and didn't have the option to quit.). *Hell Week is when soldiers are training continuously for 5 days in freezing, wet conditions, with little more than 4 hours of sleep for the entire week, under insane amounts of physical and mental stress.

- If someone chose to be tested both mentally and physically, I feel like it wouldn't be torture. However, if the same exact conditions were forced upon someone else (testing their mental and physical limits without their consent or understanding), does your quote above mean that the person who did not have a choice would not reap the benefits of the training/testing? Or would the Navy SEALs be better soldiers if they didn't have to go through 'torturous conditions' during Hell Week, regardless of their choice to do so?

(I used Hell Week as an example, but I meant this question generally. I'm trying to figure out how to best train an elite soldier and avoid any harmful torture apologia tropes, while also making sure that they are able to handle insanely challenging situations)

- My other question has more to do with the definition of torture that you quoted from the UN in one of your master posts. If someone is being seriously injured (pulled fingernails, whipping, starvation etc), but not for the purposes of interrogation, punishment, or intimidation, is that still torture, or is that just abuse? And, regardless of what we call it, would the effects be the same as if it were torture for any of the three motives above?

Sorry if this is long and hard to understand, I can clarify if needed!

It’s not the longest I’ve gotten and it’s perfectly clear, duck*. :) Honestly this is a difficult topic with a lot of nuance, it’s better to take a longer and more thoughtful approach.

From the stand point of the legal definition and what we study/understand as torture any consensual activity, however extreme, is not torture.

But here’s where it gets interesting: consent and our attitude to an activity actually changes our response to pain. It may even change how much pain we feel.

I’m going to take a slightly different example to yours. There are a lot of cultures globally that have practiced scarification, ritual cutting to deliberately form scars. And this can be done for a lot of reasons: membership of a family or clan, coming of age, traditional medicine, religion, you get the idea.

A lot of people in these cultures describe their scars as incredibly important and the process of getting them as a moving, deep and positive process.

This does not mean they wouldn’t be traumatised if they were attacked by someone with a knife.

Being able to approach something painful and see it as positive really changes our perspective. It makes trauma and mental illness a lot less likely. And being able to back out, even if it’s just for a little while to take a breather, seems to make us able to withstand more pain then we would have otherwise.

The simplest and most famous experiment that dealt with this relationship between our mindset and pain asked people to keep their hands in ice cold water. They timed how long people could do it when they were told to stay silent and how long they could do it when they were allowed to swear. If they swore they could hold their hands under for longer. An average of forty seconds longer.

Looking back over O’Mara (Why Torture Doesn’t Work, a very good intro to how pain works and what it does to the brain) the way he describes it as by thinking of the experience of pain as a collection of three things. There’s the physical sensation itself, the nerves firing. But there’s also an affective component, how we feel emotionally about the experience and a cognitive component, how we think about it.

Did you ever play that game as a kid where you stuff as many chilis as possible in your mouth to see who would spit them out first? I… might have done. And from what I remember it hurts an awful lot. But those memories to me are mostly about messing about with my friends, I remember trying to be stubborn about it and I remember us laughing at each other.

This is a completely different experience to someone being held down and having chili stuff up their nose. But the difference isn’t necessarily in the physical damage done or the physical sensation of pain. It’s in the other components, the emotional response and the rationalisation.

I also had a filling drilled in my tooth without painkillers as a kid. I don’t know how common this is in the West? It happened in Saudi. Honestly my biggest memory of it is the language barrier between myself and the dentist.

These are anecdotes obviously but I’m trying to show that you probably also have experiences in your own life that back up the experiments too. The way we think about a painful experience really does make a huge amount of difference. And that means consent matters enormously.

These soldiers are going into this experience knowing what to expect, how long it will last and that they can stop at any time. That makes a huge amount of difference. Those same factors have drastically increased the time volunteers will spend in solitary confinement for research. I’m pretty sure if I dug even a little I’d find pain studies with similar findings.

Here’s the flip side: the physical factors are still in play.

Sleep is an important physiological process that’s essential to normal functioning. Studies on consensual sleep deprivation have shown massive negative impacts on memory along with a host of other things that you can read about here.

Let’s take a non torture example. A student who stays up all night cramming for an exam is not going to develop the symptoms of trauma that a torture survivors who was sleep deprived would. But the effect sleep deprivation has on memory is due to sleep playing an essential role in preserving memory (and learning more generally.) So they’re both likely to have difficulty remembering things in days just before and just after sleep deprivation. They’re also both more likely to have false memories and catch a bad cold.

As a result of this memory impairment I question the educational value of anything involving sleep deprivation: you can’t learn while messing up the processes that let your brain remember things.

There have been cases in the UK of people dying during training for the armed forces. Because while consent makes a huge difference, mindset makes a huge difference- our bodies still have limits. We can choose to push ourselves past those limits and, whatever our motivation or feelings, it can do real harm.

Personally? I’m unsure of the benefit of these kinds of exercises. As in I’m unsure there is a benefit. Learning is going to be shot, chances of injury are going to be a lot higher- I don’t see anything that could be improved by these sorts of exercises.

Anecdotally people do report feeling like a closer unit after going through these sorts of routines. That might be the benefit: moral and unit cohesion, possibly self-esteem too.

If you’re making up something for your story I think it’d be helpful for me to mention a little statistical effect that gets used to justify punishment pretty regularly. Get some dice out if you’ve got them and roll one. Let’s say the number represents performance in some kind of test (because effort and learning matter but our performance also varies because of things we can’t control.) A roll of 1 gets punished, a roll of 6 gets praised.

Now after you roll that first 1 statistically speaking the chances are your next roll will be better. And if you roll a 6 then statistically speaking the chances are your next roll will be worse. People observe this effect in real life and they often conclude that there’s no point in praising someone but that punishment leads to improvement. Really it’s just a statistical effect, after a particularly, noticeably bad day the chances are things will be better next and vice versa.

This effect can make it difficult for people to recognise overall, long term progress. Which is the kind of progress you should be paying attention to when designing a training program.

If you want good performance from people, whatever the metric, the most efficient thing to do is ensure that those people are; well fed, have access to clean water, get plenty of sleep, have breaks and have access to medical treatment when they need it.

I’d say the main things to keep in mind when designing this fictional training regime are:

Being honest about the effects you describe, ie if they’re spending long periods without shelter are they at risk from exposure? If they’re standing in cold water are they going to get hypothermia?

Remember that even if something is damaging or causes lasting trauma it would not necessarily prevent someone from doing their job. Torture survivors have serious, lasting symptoms but many of them still work.

I think I’m going to leave that there because I’m not an expert in militaries or training people. And keep in mind that I am a pacifist, read this with my biases in mind.

Getting to the second question, there is a little more to the UN definition then that. The primary factor is still who the abuser is. For it to be torture (legally speaking) the abuser has to be (or be ordered by) an on-duty government employee, part of a group that controls territory (ie an occupying force). Some countries also count international organised criminal gangs in this definition.

It’s also important to note that torture can be targetted at someone other then the victim. So if the police arrest the brother of a political opponent and beat him in order to intimidate the politician, that is still torture.

Basically there are a lot of factors in the legal definition of torture and it’s that way by design. The hope is that you end up with a framework that captures as much government abuse as possible.

But it also means that there’s a pretty high barrier when it comes to proving torture. Which means that things which are legally torture can be prosecuted as assault, bodily harm or equivalents to these, because it’s easier to get a conviction for those charges.

Technically you are correct: if abuse done by a government official doesn’t have one of the four motivations in the legal definition (attempts to obtain information, forcing a confession, intimidation or punishment) then it doesn’t meet the definition.

However in practice I’ve not heard of a case failing because of the motive.

I’m not a lawyer and I’m not an expert in international law. I won’t say it’s never happened. But it’s much more common for cases to fail for other reasons. Off the top of my head I’d say the most common reason is difficulty proving the abuse took place.

The most common types of torture today are ‘clean’, a term we use to indicate that they don’t leave obvious marks. If someone turns up with fingernails torn out or the skin of their back lacerated by a whip that is clear physical evidence of abuse. Nothing else causes similar injuries. But if someone turns up at a doctor’s with swollen feet or reddened skin, if they’ve lost a lot of weight or they’re so tired they’re struggling to stand… Well all of those things can be caused by common tortures. But they can also be caused by common illnesses.

A lot of the deaths from torture today are similarly hard to prove. Beatings and stress positions ultimately cause death by kidney failure. Which can mean that prosecutors are asked to prove a victim didn’t have an underlying health condition. Or take drugs.

Honestly my instinct is that the motive is the easiest thing to prove. It’s often harder to bring charges against people in positions of authority, regardless of the country we’re talking about. Bringing those charges, proving abuse took place and proving it was done by the person in question, those are usually the tricky parts.

The difference between torture and abuse is scale. Torture is industrial scale abuse.

The law doesn’t define that scale but that’s what we’re talking about when we talk about abuse from organised authority. Abusers might have dozens of victims. Torturers have thousands, tens of thousands.

If you want to explore a different motivation in your story, something outside the legal framework, consider the scale at which this abuse is taking place. Consider how organised it is. If it’s organised and large scale, with multiple abusers, with no prior relationship between the abuser and victims then torture will probably be a better model then abuse. If it’s smaller scale with a more personal relationship and if it isn’t supported by a legal framework/organisation then abuse might be a better model.

For victims and survivors the difference isn’t so much about the symptoms they personally experience as the… side effect of that scale. Abuse victims are often very isolated and may not know anyone who has had a similar experience. Torture implies a community of survivors and possibly generational trauma. There are also effects to do with access to support, access to medical care and how likely it is that someone will be believed.

Torture survivors are often systematically disenfranchised in a way that abuse victims are not. Torture survivors are often forced to leave their home country. Anecdotally, based on what I’ve seen globally over the last few years, I think that struggling to get citizenship is increasingly an issue for torture survivors. And without citizenship there’s difficulty finding legal work, getting accommodation, accessing medical care, accessing the legal system etc.

I do not know whether torture survivors are more or less likely to be believed by their community compared to survivors of abuse. I do not think any one has attempted a comparative study. I do know that the prevalence of clean torture means that many torture survivors are not believed and this puts up a further barrier, making it harder to access medical treatment and bring charges.

Rejali’s book was published in 2009, so things may have changed a tad. At the time he was writing the average wait for a torture survivor to see a specialist doctor was about 10 years.

Abuse is to torture what murder is to genocide. And there are difference on a wider social scale as a result.

I mention all that because I feel it’s relevant but the impression I get is you’re mostly interested in the long term symptoms? In which case, yes the legal definition makes very little difference. The physical injuries caused by particular kinds of abuse don’t change depending on whether it’s a private individual or a police officer holding the Taser.

The lasting psychological symptoms are not particular to torture; they’re what the human brain does when traumatised. The same symptoms can manifest in people who witness traumatic events but weren’t actually hurt themselves. They can manifest in people who were injured in accidents and they manifest in people who were neglected or abused. Hell, I have a couple of them, though no where near the severity a torture survivors would experience. A sufficient amount of stress is enough for these symptoms to start developing in anybody.

You can find the general list of symptoms here. There’s also a post specifically about memory problems over here.

The pattern I describe; that these symptoms are a list of possibilities not ‘every torture victim will get all of these’ holds true for trauma survivors generally. Anecdotally there is some variability with chronic pain being reported more often with some kinds of abuse. That might be because it can have physical causes, psychological causes or a mix of the two.

Whether it’s torture or abuse there isn’t any way to predict a survivor’s symptoms in advance. Much of the advice I have about writing torture survivors and their symptoms holds true for trauma survivors generally. Which is why I’ll still take a crack at some questions that aren’t about torture.

Pick the symptoms that you feel fit the character and serve the story. We can’t predict symptoms and that means that there’s no reason why you shouldn’t pick the things that appeal to you.

And I think I’m going to leave it there. I hope that helps :)

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Disclaimer

*This is a weird English endearment. I had someone ask if this was me trying not to swear.

#orphicphosphenes #writing advice #tw torture #torture as training #legal definition of torture #clean torture #military abuse #trauma #trauma and consent #pain #pain and memory #sleep deprivation #attitudes towards clean tortures #writing survivors #abuse within the military

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