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#but it just hurts my feelings? idk? i feel like such an afterthought all the time to people. like a ghost

anime-dreams · 2 days

Text

Idk man pt 2??? Jjk season 2 was traumatising (gege 😡) but sukuna was really hot

Anyways heres Shokos pov after ✨Gojoe✨ and 🗣️Geetoes🦶breakup (i love shoko omg shes so hot and shes savage)

I could barely recognise you after he left. Those blue eyes no longer held the familiar warmth and glow. Your mood swings were so sudden, your silence was so loud, i could not stand to be around you for too long anymore. But you know what i could not stand most? Seeing you, the supposed “strongest” wasting away, like a dimming star. What have you became? Unrecongisable.

I still keep in touch with Geto. I receive his letters twice a week, and the way he talked about you, it was like you hung stars in the sky. Each one of those letters never failed to mention your name, never failed to ask me to check up on you. And that day, i knocked softly on your door, with a bag full of your favourite snacks. You were crying. I heard it. You never cried, at least, not in front of me. But when you opened the door, you greeted me with a smile that did not reach your eyes. Why are you hiding your feelings from me? Have i also not been with you for the past 2 years? I reached out my hand to pat your back, to try to comfort you, and you flinched, taking a step back, as my hand came into contact with seemingly nothing. Oh yeah, i forgot. Your infinity has been on ever since he left. You took one more step back awkwardly, not meeting my eyes. I know that i can never replace him, but for you to act like im a complete stranger… was i not there? Your actions following his disappearance… it made me question myself if my place in your lives have ever been as meaningful as i had thought. Was i merely an afterthought in the story of our friendship? I didnt even remember how i felt, but i heard myself yell: “Can you suck it up and get the hell over him already?” and the already flickering light in your eyes went out, completely. Before i knew it, your amplification blue took away the whole ceiling and turned it into shambles. Those chipped pieces of wood and shattered pieces of glass held my gaze, as i saw, reflected in them, an image of us. Once strong, now cracked and split. It hurts, you know. Is this how it’s going to end?

We still talked, but every word you said, every smile you flashed at me, your eyes remained void. Every joke you cracked, every prank you pulled, hollowness echoed after them. I could do nothing but leave you to wallow in your misery. After all, im not him. I cant get you to open up to me like you do with him. You need to know when it’s necessary to let things go, simply for the reason that they are heavy. Deep down, i believe that you havent lost who you are, you’re just different, and that’s okay. But it was painful, to see you like that.

I stared at the image of you crouching over him, debating if i should disturb the moment. You said something, and he smiled, holding tightly onto his still bleeding shoulder. His lips moved, conveyed his last thoughts to you, then his arms slackened, and his head drooped. You remained there, saying nothing. Your blindfold was off, your shoulders were hunched, your jaw was clenched, and in those swirling shades of blue in your eyes, i could somehow only see emptiness. It wasent long before i had to step in. i was supposed to take care of his body’s disposal, after all. And before i could even touch him, you pushed me aside, with so much force that i almost fell. Your head turned, your eyes cast a piercing gaze at me, and those blue were no longer empty. In them, a whirlwind of emotions swirled, some of which i could not comprehend. How can i, anyway? When you never told me anything. I took that as my cue to leave.

You and him fit each other perfectly, like yin and yang. Then… where am I? To you and him, what have i been this whole time? In some other life, we are standing side by side, and laughing at the fact that in some other life, we are apart. Gojo, Geto, i really hope that we will meet again, that in another life, our paths will cross again, not as Gojo, Geto, or Shoko, but 3 strangers that become the best of friends. Maybe in another life, our fates won’t be sealed and our destinies won’t be so complicated. Maybe in that other life, I will no longer feel invisible.

(😭😭😭its so sad that shoko stuck by toru and sugu all those times and shes like, so damn invisible. 'theres always a duo in a trio' 😢 i love her so much)

Anyways thanks for making it here!! Im the type that only writes when i feel really emo or when im free (student life's really busy :() so im not really active here BUT i appreciate any constructive feedback/criticism if any so pls do comment and TYSMMM FOR MAKING IT HERE 😍

#shoko ieiri #jujutsu kaisen #jjk shoko #satosugu #gege when i catch you gege #kfc breakup #geto suguru #gojo satoru #what am i even doing #i cannot do this anymore #depressing shit

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yesimwriting · 2 years

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For some reason I came up with a fake scenario where Billy and Stu sneak up to Y/n's window and they open it and all they hear is music blasting through the house. They sneak downstairs confused and ya wanna know what they see? 🤣 Idk why, but I imagined Y/n just bustin it down with a bottle of vodka in her hand and Randy smoking a blunt on the couch and giggling to himself 💀🤣🤣 and Billy and Stu are so jealous cause Y/n hasn't been answering any calls and here she is, basically throwing it back in front of Randy 😭😭🤣 and dancing her little heart out.

disclaimer: if my writing is bad pls forgive me i just woke up from a drunk nap, violently hungover, there's just something about drinking in a frat that makes the alcohol hurt u more :,) pray for me

this scenario is so good tho?? as someone who is the drinking while others get high friend, i feel represented lmao (my lungs are naturally trash, they do not need the excuse to be worse!!)

also the implications? I love, like Billy and Stu casually hanging out in Y/n's house, Y/n and Randy being besties, jealousy? love!! that inspired a little drabble :))

----

Twice. Billy had called you twice. Once while waiting for Stu to come by and one more time with Stu right next to him. The long ringing rubbed them both the wrong way. That familiar pinch of panic that Billy only ever felt when it comes to you quickly struck him in the chest.

His mom had pulled away slowly at first, too, until she left completely. His hands pulled into fists so tightly his knuckles turned white. Billy was so blinded that Stu, who was dealing with one too many flashbacks of his parents ignoring his calls when he was younger, had to be the voice of reason. If our babydoll thinks she’s too busy for us, we’ll make ourselves too busy for her.

So they both spent a few hours with their girlfriends. It worked out well, Sidney and Tatum couldn’t begin to see themselves as afterthoughts, and they knew how you’d react. You never said anything when they made a point of spending time with their girlfriends, but they knew that it hurt you. The corner of your mouth would turn downwards, and you’d shrink away for a moment, nervously picking at your nails. Sometimes you’d even become a little snippy, the start of an attitude that they knew how to handle.

It was kind of cute, the way you’d get flustered, trying to convince yourself and them that you’re not jealous.

Billy had a feeling that if he said the right things, pushed you the right way, you’d be needier than usual. He could use that right now, a reminder that you need them. Stu pulled the jealousy card a little more often, but it never grows old. It was the only time he allowed himself to think that maybe he does like seeing you a little upset from time to time if it’s over him.

They called you again once they got to Stu’s house. No answer. Enough was enough.

You were home alone, you mentioned that everyone you lived with would be gone for most of the weekend on Friday during lunch. Billy and Stu had been looking forward to it. With all the murders, you’d be happy for their company...expected or otherwise.

When they get to your house, the first thing they notice is that there’s no light coming in from your bedroom window. That’s not enough reason to panic yet. Sometimes when you’re home alone at night, you like watching movies in the living room.

This is far from the first time the two of them enter your room through your window. The lack of light doesn’t inhibit them, they’ve come here more times than even you know.

Your window is cracked open slightly. Billy’s already planning on teasing you about it. There’s a killer on the loose and you’re alone and you left your window open. With all the scary movies you’ve watched together, you really should know better.

Stu wastes no time. As soon as he’s in your room, he starts looking around, noting the new arrangement of books on your shelf and the oversized shirt tossed over the chair of your desk.

“Wait a second,” Stu mumbles as Billy approaches the door to your bedroom, “She went to the mall with Tatum the other day. Tatum came back with a bag from Victoria’s secret, I want to see if she got anything new.”

Billy sighs, lingering in the space between your bed and your door. The sound of distant music is starting to get to him, ruining the normal feeling he gets from being in your room. The music isn’t exactly shaking the house, but it’s a little louder than the normal volume you set. It’s also not the kind of music you normally listen to, the base is too intense. It reminds him of the music that’s in the background of parties.

“She’s with someone,” Billy mumbles, jaw clenching.

Stu freezes, gripping the handle of your dresser drawer. “It’s almost 10:00 and she’s not with Sidney or Tatum.” The thought that the reason you weren’t answering their calls is because you’re with someone hits him straight in the chest. “If it’s that guy from her English class that’s always looking at her--”

The rational part of Billy’s mind that warns him against giving into his instincts too much is oddly quiet. That’d be too obvious, its whisper is practically drowned out by that damn feeling in his chest. She’s leaving you.

“I know where he lives,” Stu continues, “We can make it look like an accident.”

Billy partially snaps out of it. “You’d gut him, and you know it.” Stu shrugs the dismal, making a mental note to bring it up later. “Let’s just find her.”

Both of them walk down the stairs and into your living room. They round the corner, following the sound of music to your kitchen. You’re there, casually swaying to the music and badly humming along. You seem so content, so fine without them.

Billy holds out a hand, signaling to Stu to not make his presence known yet. They quietly walk further into the room, noticing someone sitting on your couch. Randy. This revelation doesn’t fully ease either of them.

You stumble in an attempt to turn to the music. Your eyes immediately lock on the two lurking trespassers. On a normal night, they might try to look apologetic. Tonight though, they have no reason to feel bad about coming here unannounced. It’s not even controlling of them, they called. Three different times. What were you and Randy doing that was so important you couldn’t even answer the phone to let them know?

Instead of expressing any sort of concern, you laugh, the bottle in your hand swaying. The clear liquid almost sloshes out as you grin. “You guys are here!”

Throwing caution to the wind, you run towards them, pulling Billy and Stu into a quick hug. You nearly trip on your own feet as you pull away, giving Billy an excuse to grab onto your arm.

Randy, rightfully confused, tilts his head back, revealing red tinted eyes. “Shit, you like summoned them.” You scoff energetically at the comment. A peacefully high Randy and an enthusiastically drunk you. It’s a combination Stu and Billy realize they don’t have to worry about in the way that they were thinking.

“Summoned us?” Billy tilts his head, already slightly amused.

You nod happily,“Yep!” You squeeze Billy’s arm gently. “Missed you two, drinking’s not that fun without you guys making fun of me.”

Stu blink, easing slightly. “We called.”

At that, your expression falls. Your eyebrows draw together, eyes widening apologetically as your lips pull into a pout. “You did?” You twist in Billy’s hold, the bottle of vodka in your hand nearly slipping from your grasp. “I must not have heard music--” You cut yourself off, your head falling to the side in confusion. A small giggle escapes you at the thought of your mistake. “No, no--I-I heard the music. That was the problem. I didn’t hear the phone over the music.” Stu bites down a smile, wondering how far he can pull at your alcohol fused guilt. “I’m sorry.”

He shifts, leaning against the wall. You frown a little more at that. Where’s your hug? You turn your head, moving past Billy and wrapping your arms around Stu. You grab onto him a little too fast. “Woah,” Stu mumbles, squeezing you back, “Guess good pal Randy didn’t think to tell you to slow down.”

“I did,” Randy defends himself flatly, “She didn’t take it well.”

Stu now smiles openly. “You were mean to poor Randy?”

You shake your head against his chest. “Not mean, just didn’t listen.”

“You almost ripped my head off.”

“Yeah,” with a dramatic roll of your eyes, you pull away from Stu, “Because you’re making my living room smell like weed, not because of the drinking comment.” With a huff, you cross your arms in front of your chest, the bottle nearly slipping from your grasp again. “My family’s gone for a night, not forever.”

Randy sighs, “Light a candle.”

“Told you, doesn’t work if you smoke on the couch. It gets into the fabric and pillows and stuff.”

He shuts his eyes at your whine, “You’re just upset I wouldn’t let you smoke.”

“Because you didn’t give me a good ‘no’-reason.”

Ignoring the slurred way your words come out, Randy lazily turns, “Drunk you is fun, high you is messy.” You glare at him, unable to argue. “Face it, Stu’s the only one willing to babysit you when you smoke.”

“She’s not that bad,” Stu defends weakly, placing his hands around your waist, “Last time she didn’t even cry when she got paranoid.”

You gently elbow him, upset that they’re ganging up on you. “You two aren’t funny.”

“I’ll get high with you, babe,” Stu’s tone has taken on that slightly condescending softness as he reaches for you again. “As soon as you’re not hungover, promise.”

You let him hug you. “’M not gonna be hung over.”

“Mhm,” Stu mumbles, “Tell me that again tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Randy says as he stands, “I was supposed to leave like an hour ago, but Y/n didn’t want to be alone.”

Randy starts approaching the front door. “Bye Randy! Leave me a message when you get home so I know you didn’t get murdered.”

“Guy smoking weed, walking home late at night,” Randy muses, “Don’t love my odds.” He pauses at your frown. “Kidding, I live one street down from you. I’ll be fine and I’ll leave a message.”

You nod in acceptance. “Bye!” Randy waves you off before stepping out of your front door. The sound of the door shutting reminds you of something. “How’d you guys get in? Door was locked.”

“Your window wasn’t,” Stu replies easily.

At this point, the thought of them coming in through your window doesn’t even phase you. “You two, always with the window.”

“Maybe you’ll learn to lock it,” Billy muses, voice oddly cold, “There’s a killer on the loose.”

You frown at that. “One, I’m not high, you can’t freak me out. Two, it’s not like I want to keep you guys out.”

Billy angles his head downwards, looking at you in a way you can’t read, so you choose to focus on the way his hair falls across his face. “You don’t?”

You shake your head dramatically, “No, I like it when you’re here. I’d let you guys in through the front door.”

“Didn’t think you’d answer,” he mumbles, “You didn’t answer the phone.”

You move away from Stu to stand closer to Billy. You do feel sorry for missing the calls, but you’re not in the mood for this. You’re too tired for anything that isn’t casual and happy. “I’m sorry,” you say again.

There’s something harsh about Billy’s expression. It’s so sharp it hits you straight in the chest. You don’t like it. You want it gone. It doesn’t feel like you’re standing next to the Billy you know. You reach a hand out without thinking, your fingers cautiously brushing against his lower arm. With no warning, Billy turns his hand over in order to grab your hand. He squeezes your hand so tightly it feels uncomfortable. He takes advantage of his hold on you, tugging you forward. You stumble, catching yourself before you can fall against his chest. Billy tilts his head down, his forehead just barely touching yours. The way he’s looking at you changes slightly, but it doesn’t lose its intensity.

After a long second, you find a meeker version of your voice. “Are you mad at me?”

“Don’t leave me,” he blurts out, voice low and harsh and so close to vulnerable a chill runs through you. Despite the alcohol in your system, you know that this stray from his usual facade is significant. You just don’t understand why.

You hold his stare as long as he lets you. He breaks away from the display of neediness, turning his head to hide his gaze in your neck. His father’s voice is screaming in his head, repulsed by his own weakness. Torn between pushing you away and pulling you even closer, Billy’s grip on you tightens even more.

A more sober you would have reacted differently. You wouldn’t have pushed Billy away, not after what he said, but you might have hesitated a little more, maybe even questioned what he meant. “What?” You almost regret breaking the silence, one of your hands moving to smooth his hair. “I’m not going anywhere.” He pulls away just enough to look you in the eye. There’s an uncertainty there that exhausts you. “You know how much you guys mean to me.” When Billy still doesn’t ease, you frown, placing a hand on his cheek. “You guys want to sleep over? We can watch movies and tomorrow morning you can see how not hung over I am.”

“Adorable,” Stu hums teasingly, running a hand up and down your upper arm, “You two should kiss and makeup more often.”

You roll your eyes. “We weren’t fighting and we didn’t kiss.” Billy, feeling a tiny bit better, places a hand on the back of your head. He pulls you forward, kissing the side of your head. You smile, fondness pooling in your eyes. “Haha,” you mumble dryly, “Are you guys staying over or not?”

After a second, Billy answers, “We’ll stay since you clearly can’t be trusted to stay home alone. Leaving your window open is opening-scene-of-a-horror-movie level of a bad idea.”

You don’t glare at him the way you normally would. Maybe it’s the buzz of alcohol, or maybe it’s the warmth of their touch against your flushed skin. “As long as you guys are staying.”

#scream #scream x reader #scream 1996 #scream imagine #billy loomis #billy loomis x reader #stu macher #stu macher x reader #ghostface #ghostface x reader #poly!ghostface #poly! ghostface x reader #x reader

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ironm4n · 1 year

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wait I already asked for sum but I'm asking again — haha sorry

fem werewolf reader x garroth - my street location but after all the chaos so garroth is a werewolf too

nobody knows reader is a wolf as she got bullied for it when she was young, way before high school and she learned how to hide her ears and tail so she always did and eventually it became about of an afterthought at times although it was a topic she hates thinking abt

reader is Katelyn's best friend as they used to play volleyball together in pdh, garroth and everybody else obviously knows her too but Katelyn was closest with her. She always kept her friend group smaller than most and she was knows to be sweet, although she had an attitude and a sarcastic tone at times, which Katelyn loves most about her. tldr garroth and reader become close but he feels detached from everyone, as if he's keeping them at arms length, due to his trauma. Garroth has a breakdown in public when hanging w everyone (for reasons you can think of sorry Juliet 😭) and idk things happen and reader opens up to make him feel better and smooch they're baes

a/n this is such a fun request i LOVE this !! and tysm for requesting <3 i have a few other requests which I'll definitely get to eventually :)

not proof read !!! sorry, wrote this at half 2am and i really didn't wanna read it through😭

also the pic is from Pinterest:

Garroth Ro'meave x fem!Wolf!Reader.

Love.

A social construct made up by lonely people who find sorrow in their isolation. Yet, no matter how much versatility love had in the eyes and, most importantly, hearts of people, the pain and adrenaline and even the dependancy love can cause is seen as a fundamental process of loving and being "normal". Now, I know this sounds pessimistic and something that a typical single, and way too desperate to mingle, person would say, I adore the idea of love and the feeling it gives us. Sometimes, life feels so meaningless and unnecessary, so the feeling of love and even the hurt or happiness it can often bring can make us as people feel so much less alien.

Now, the reason i'm so fixated on the topic of romance is due to the current predicament i find myself in. In high school, my friend Aphmau fell desperately in love with Aaron Lycan, it was cute. What was even cuter was the fact they stuck it out and are even currently engaged! Sure, we lost a figurative single soldier who ended up being taken but that was fine, it was fun fos us to gossip about and hope we could have what they have. Kawaii— no, Nana got into a relationship with Zane which was... unexpected to say the least, but it was nice to know Zane had opened up to someone other than Aphmau and that Nana finally had something she had always wanted. Katelyn broke up with Jeffory in high school too, she went through a tough time but i knew my best friend was going to be okay, and soon enough she was. However, what was NOT okay was that she ended up in a relationship too! I mean, of course she's an adult and i want the best for her and i truly am happy but wow, now i have the least amount of relatability, even to my best friend, all because Travis finally wooed her. I hadn't expected to be the only one on mystreet that was single.

Well, only single female, that is. There was Dante, who still had yet to manage his own love life but he recently went on a journey of self discovery and trying to be happy with who he is and not feel as though he had to change himself in order to be loved romantically. Kim and Lucinda were also single, although they never showed much interest in getting into a relationship, well not Lucinda at least. Kim seemed like she might just be too awkward to even try. But they didn't matter, i wasn't all that close with them, even though Lucinda and Kim felt closer than Dante due to the events of what had happened at the lodge... yeah, those experiences definitely brought us closer.

There was also Garroth...

Garroth Ro'meave, what a character. He's somebody that is incredibly attractive, objectively of course - i personally don't have feelings for him. He has this gorgeous head of sandy blonde hair, long enough to tie up into a tiny ponytail but still short enough to have tendrils of a mellow gold sticking out at the front. His skin was a pretty tan colour, he went outside alot and although he put on sunscreen, he never really bothered to apply more throughout the day so especially after coming back from holiday, his skin was lovely, sunkissed even. And although i could go on and on about his muscles and peculiar yet endearing fashion sense - I've yet to mention his best feature.

His eyes.

They were Sapphires, beautiful gemstones that shone with such luminosity that only the most expensive crystals could achieve. Although, the colour of his eyes moreso resembled Aquamarines, or perhaps even Blue Agates. His eyes were even more radiant when he smiled or laughed, and oh my god was his smile charming to say the least.

Everything about him was just - wow..

But again, don't get an ill idea, I simply see him as a friend. Maybe even a close friend. After the lodge, we had all gotten closer, especially as the feeling of loneliness often felt deadly at times.. Garroth and I had gotten much closer after the lodge, especially at Starlight as many tensions had eased between everyone and people had finally relaxed. Even now, we hang out much more often as we are some of the only single ones out of our close friends so we just gravitate towards eachother.

Unfortunately, I had grown a bit more distant from Katelyn, my ultimate best friend. After coming back from the lodge, we all spoke of course but there was so much.. uncertainty and lack of trust. It was as if we needed to reevaluate our friendships and see if they were genuine and not just Ein somehow hurting us again. We were broken. And of course the others that were not at the lodge didn't understand the change. Katelyn was never truly in touch with her emotions nor how to handle them, let alone other people's emotions. Of course she had realised there was a slight shift in my behaviour, especially as it wasn't just me. Everybody had noticed Aphmau's depression, and Katelyn was growing more confused. She wasn't able to speak to me as seriously as she wanted to or as deeply as she wanted to, so i managed to undermine how i was feeling each time she had asked. But, we both knew that a lack of much needed communication can cause cracks or gaps in friendships. Although it was obvious she felt guilty for not "getting through to me", I knew i was at fault.

Katelyn hasn't tried asking about the lodge or anything else about the time period of which we all came back from there since. She must realise how much of a sensitive topic it is. And, although I sometimes feel lonely knowing she's out having fun not missing me and instead replacing our hangouts with dates with Travis, I'm happy she's happy and I'm happy i have Garroth now too.

Truth be told, Garroth went through unforgettable things, specifically being turned into a werewolf via excruciating pain and suffering. He doesn't like talking about it, and while his ears and tail are always out, he doesn't like people mentioning them or bringing them to everybody's attention. He wasn't ready for the kinds of conversations he knew he was bound to have with everybody if he allowed them to talk about them or even just acknowledge them.

He just wanted to be Garroth, it seemed. And he was never not Garroth to me. I wish he realised that I of all people would understand.

I, too, am a werewolf - well, a wolf at least, but I've always hidden it. Nobody knows, I always intended to tell everybody but i was so so scared.. I was bullied relentlessly in my younger years for being a wolf.

I never had it easy, I was adopted by humans that didn't know i was a pup right away, so when my ears and tails had been shown after they had already signed the adoption papers, they kept me. They didn't know how to raise a pup so they brought me up like they would a human and unfortunately sent me to a human school.

I went to human schools up until high school, so until i was 14. Needless to say, it was the worst. I got beaten physically and verbally, jumped, stolen from and some people even tried to light my fur on fire, so i forever have had a burn scar on my left ear. Although i seemed brave and string after those experiences, i never got over them. Sure, i moved forward, but i dont think i ever truly moved on. Yes, Garroth and I have different experiences but I so desperately sympathise with him as i understand the pain these transitions can cause, and even just what being a wolf can cause. I want him to let me in, but there's no way in hell I'll force him into that. So for now, my friendship with him is enough.

I care for him deeply, and although i said i didn't have any interest in him, it was a pretty obvious lie.. I don't know if i would say i love him yet as its incredibly early to say such rash things but I definitely like him more than anybody should be able to like someone. But after what he's been through, I doubt romance is even on his mind, let alone me.

~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆

I turned on my side, staring aimlessly out of my window that resided next to my bed. The sky was an endless sea of midnight blue which was littered with glimmering stars.

I sighed.

I checked my phone around 10 minutes ago, so it was currently around 04:48 am if i had remembered correctly. It was getting harder and harder to sleep, and it didnt help that i kept thinking of Garroth.

Helping Garroth. Hanging out with Garroth. Liking Garroth. The beauty of Garroth. Just Garroth.

It was like a fever dream, only thinking of one person in millions of separate scenarios, i sound like an obsessed fan. I cringed, knowing i had to get up at about 11am tomorrow at the latest as I had to be at Aphmau's house by 12. She was having a hangout with everybody on mystreet as she felt like everybody had been so tense after recent events, she was always so sweet and looked out for everyone.

Well, I guess I need to at least try to sleep.

~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆

Yawning, my clenched my fists and rubbed my eyes with them, i looked beside me at my bedside table where my digital alarm clock was.

10:13.

I was kinda proud of myself for getting up at a somewhat reasonable time and getting at least 5 hours of sleep. I had some pretty bad eyebags from having sleepless nights often, but i always hid it with makeup.

I got ready within around an hour and a half leaving around 20 minutes to walk to Aphmau and Aaron's place. I was actually really pleased, i felt nice today. I sprayed myself with my favourite perfume and left my place, grabbing my phone and keys before i left. I saw Zane ans Nana holding hands as they walked into Aphmau's house a few houses down, they were super adorable to be honest.

I walked to her house and hugged Aph as she greeted me. I sat down and glanced around the room, immediately realising i had been the last to arrive. I sat down next to Garroth which was one of the only seats not occupied by a couple. Everybody was chatting loudly in a fun light hearted manner, clearly happy to feel free of any tension towards one another. I turned to Garroth, wondering why he had kept so quiet.

Immediately, I had a good idea of why.

His normally honey toned skin looked pastey and blotchy, his eyes were red and tearful and his hair was unkempt. Had nobody else noticed the support he clearly needed??

"Garroth.."

He turned to me and attempted to give me a sweet smile and whilst he looked pretty like usual, it was disingenuine and full of melancholy.

"Yes, Y/N?"

I just looked at him, and my sympathy must have been misunderstood as pity as he suddenly stood up and spoke, "Don't do that."

"Do what?" I got up too, wanting to be on the same level as him.

"Give me that look o-of pity! Don't pity me, Y/N. I'm strong."

"I know that Garroth I just—"

"Just stop!" He exclaimed and although it wasn't loud enough for many other to hear, thank god, it had left me feeling scared for him. I just wanted him to be okay, dammit.

He left Aphmau's house, i quickly ran to the kitchen to say goodbye to Aphmau. I felt no need to expose Garroth to her so i came up with the classic "family emergency" excuse. Somehow, it worked and she allowed me to leave in my hurried state. Assuming Garroth went to his house, I ran over there as quickly as I could, which wasnt too hard considering I was a wolf, and knocked on the door. Unfortunately, it had been left open anyways so I peered in, seeing Garroth curled up on the couch, his ears drooping.

I walked in quietly and closed the door, although his long distance hearning abilities due to his new werewolf attachments heard me.

"Y/N please, i don't want your pity." I sat down on the floor just below him so i could see him face, although his eyes were looking at anything but myself, "Good thing I'm not here to give you pity, then."

His gaze softened and he spoke in a murmer, "Sorry for raising my voice." Tears were threatening to fall down his face, something he unfortunately looked like he was used to. I held his hands in mine, "Don't apologise. You're allowed to be upset, hell it would be abit odd if you weren't. No matter what ears you have, human or otherwise, or if you have a tail or not, you're always going to be my Garroth. This hasn't changed a thing."

His face tensed as tears cascaded down his cheecks, "You're too sweet to me... but no matter what you say, i know you don't understand. Not as well as you think you do. I'm never going to be the same Garroth i was because nobody will see me the same way. But i cannot handle the looks of pity i get..."

I kissed the backs of his hands, rubbing my thumbs soothingly against them, trying to add some sort of comfort that wasn't too invasive or overwhelming. The last thing i wanted was to drive him away. "Garroth, i understand more than you think i do."

He was still refusing to look at me, closing his eyes as he tried to prevent more tears from spilling. I allowed my ears and tail so show, I don't do it often so it felt foreign and hinestly, it was uncomfortable and way too vulnerable for my liking. But i knew it might help Garroth, and i was willing to take the chance.

"Look at me Garroth."

He didn't reply and instead jjst kept his eyes closed, "I said look at me." I tried to command, although it came out quietly and softly as I didn't want to add fuel to Garroth's fire.

He opened his eyes and — "what is this?"

"I.. am a werewolf. Well, a wolf. I was born one."

He was in a state of shock, "I didn't know.." I laughed uncomfortablely, "Yeah.. nobody does. I was ashamed, i got bullied by humans as a kid so much that my fear was domineering and I never really showed them. Having human parents adopt me didn't help either and they didn't understand me."

Garroth looked at me with a look that finally meant he understood, "You understand me because...you went through the lonliness and shame too." I nodded, "Garroth, I care so much about yoy to the point I can't sleep sometimes because of worry or out of happiness knowing I'll see you the next day or even just staying up thinking about how cute your stupid goofy smile is but—"

He gasped and I had thought i said too much and overstepped a boundary, "You think my smile is stupid and goofy?" He inquired dramatically and for the first time in a while, I laughed wholeheartedly, "Shut up, you know thats not what i meant!" "Well thats what you said!"

I smiled at his as our bickering dulled, "But seriously. I like you Garroth, more than a friend should, and you had me worrying so much but in reality, you're always going to be my Garroth to me, ears and a tail aren't gonna change that. Although they are devilishly cute."

He blushed and I removed my hands from his and wiped the tears off of his face. I kissed his cheek as he stuttered in response and merely kissed mine back. We didn't speak after, because words were not needed, the only thing were needed in that moment was eachother.

#garroth romeave #aphmau #mystreet #minecraft #x reader

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frogsare-friends · 7 months

Text

i've said it so many times before. but i'll say it again. conrad was fucking evil in the car scene. and if jere had done that he'd be murdered. i just don't get how anyone can see that as him being hot or funny. i can admit petty conrad is alright "sounds like an aunt julia problem" "i'm sorry my grandpa didn't love you as much as he loved my mom but i'm not surprised (idk the exact quote)" and i like julia. it has nothing to do with being team conrad or team jeremiah. he's legit just a fucking dick.

he's a dick to belly obviously, but i'm specifically talking abt jeremiah here bc belly is an afterthought. he didn't wanna yell at her, he already did that. he wanted to make jeremiah feel worthless, and like he didn't deserve to be chosen. and he did. "jeremiah just too insecure, he can't believe belly chose him" BC CONRAD WAS MAKING HIM FEEL THAT WAY. "but... finch is fun" knowing that that's a huge insecurity for jere wasn't funny and it wasn't just petty. it was genuinely horrible for him to say. he wanted jeremiah to know that everyone else thought conrad was better, and conrad knows (thinks) he's better. he wants to remind jeremiah that belly loved the idea of amazing, smart, strong, emotional, mysterious conrad, and (even though this isn't true, it's jeremiah's insecurities bc of adam and susannah and the fact everyone fucking worships conrad) he's not amazing and smart and strong and emotional and mysterious. "i remember last year it was seven" bc he wants to tell jeremiah that he wasn't serious about those people so how can he be serious about belly. he wants him to think that belly doesn't want something serious with him bc she knows his history and knows he hasn't been in serious relationships before her. "who's the better kisser" (which, bffr you do not want the answer to that question conrad) bc he wants jeremiah to know that he's better than him. in all the ways that matter and don't, he wants him to know he's better and belly knows it too. and obviously those things aren't true. conrad doesn't even think these things. he's literally just a manipulative dick. like i don't think he's terrible or unredeemable, but he is manipulative. he always pulls out insecurities or stuff he knows will hurt the other person in fights. in this one it hurt bc jeremiah thought all of that was true and that conrad really thought that. in the party fight it hurt bc even though jeremiah knew it wasn't true, he knew conrad wanted to hurt him. someone that he has had to pick up the pieces after his entire life, someone he looks up to and most of all cares about, wants to hurt him. that's fucked.

anyway, lots of words to say fuck conrad for the car scene, it's so much deeper than some petty stuff. also, conrad is a shitty brother. i don't care. he is. the fisher family dynamic is that adam fucks it all up. susannah refuses to acknowledge that things are fucked up. conrad carries the burden of it being fucked up. jeremiah has to cheer everyone up, pick up the pieces when conrad drops them (which isn't his fault he shouldn't be carrying that burden but just bc it's not his fault doesn't mean it can't hurt jeremiah) and glue them back together, put on a happy face, and deal with everyone neglecting him. let's not pretend conrad has excuses jeremiah doesn't. "conrad had to carry this burden" and jeremiah had to do fucking everything else.

#jeremiah fisher #tsitp #the summer i turned pretty #tsitp jeremiah #belly conklin #conrad fisher #belly x jeremiah #tsitp belly #tsitp conrad #belly x conrad #ik i said fuck a lot in this post #“intelligent people...” fuck off.#i'm very intelligent #hence why i know ways to add emphasis #italics or capitalization or even bold wasn't enough #“being a fisher is a closed door affair”#- an amazing fantastic glorious made me cry fanfic i read

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ganondoodle · 8 months

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Hello! I hope you are doing well. I have been following your concepts on [cursed bird app] for a while now and find your stance on the totk rewrite intruiging. Since twitter ofc is never a good place to elaborate on anything lmao, I figured I would ask on here after finding out about your tumblr.

You are welcome to take as much time as you need for this, but I was very curious to hear more about why you feel totk 'fails as a sequel' in terms of writing. I can agree that the whole zonai thing did come out of left field a little, and I never did like the whole "zelda is once again separated from you for 90% of the game," bit (bc c'mon Nintendo again? Really??) but I was curious about what else you found dissatisfaction in and sought to redo

If your plan though is to do so gradually as you go with the new rewrite concepts you piece together and post, that is fine too. I just get more curious about your opinion bc you always seem to have a *lot* you want to say outside of just tag ramblings xD

Thank you for your time, ik this is a rather long ask, but your view is very vast and different, and I wish to understand the development of it more as I find it on my timeline

Thank you for this ask!

i have talked alot about the things i dislike about totk, all my general talking (not just about totk tho) is tagged with "ganondoodles talks" and all my longer rants should be tagged with "ganondoodles rants" (tho that tag is new idk if i remembered to put it everywhere) so i think it might be easier if you searched for these on my blog bc thats were all my ramblings go and, with no ill intent, have talked about it so much already i kinda dont want to spend hours writing out something that just ends up repeating myself really

somethign i can say that the main thing on why it fails as a sequel to me is .. bc its not .. a sequel really, it reuses map and models but doesnt elaborate on anything from botw (the zonau were barely even a thing in botw and now in totk their stuff looks way different and they have been here all along actually(tm) ) the shiekah stuff is basically erased despite it having been so build into the world of botw (and you could have just .. explored them more bc theres lots of cool stuff to do with them still), characters act weirdly off, stuff that was seemingly build up and was a perfect slide into a sequel either gets ignored or just straight up erased, themes dont match up at all and more

it just feels like they tested the glue mechanic for 3 years and everything else was an afterthought, i felt empty at the end, in a bad way, it felt like the game was actively mocking me for caring so much about botw at times and totk actively hurts botw too imo (with some reveals etc)

they should have just called it an alternative dimension thing like majora and half my complaints could be dismissed, but its not so im super frustrated bc i love botw a ton

if there are more specific questions you are free to ask about it again of course! this is not meant to sound dismissive but me typing out stuff can take a long time and im behind on so much work already qnq

also all development both visual and writing concepts for my rewrite are tagged with "ganondoodles rewrites totk" so you can find everything with that too :D

#ganondoodles answers #ganondoodles talks #i am ... very frustrated about alot of stuff both nitpicky and huge problems #so i could spent hours talking about just one thing if it bothers me enough #but do note that all of this is coming from a place of love #i love this franchise #and i was so let down despite my low expecations out of fear of being let down #and yet here i am #and do note that when im passioantely talking about sth i both misstype and sound agressive at times #but im as dangerous as a limp salad leaf lol

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eijxn · 2 years

Text

who do you take me for?

with… kunigami rensuke

cw… gn!reader, established relationship, a lot of cussing, almost break up, arguing/fighting, spoilers like for… ch 160+? idk somewhere around there, not proofread

synopsis… kunigami comes home after being in blue lock for a hot minute and isn’t the same. 0.8k words

note… was catching up with blue lock and kunigami is pissing me off especially bc he’s just not the same :$ this was wrote on impulse at 2am so yea…

Your phone shouldn’t be this dry.

I mean, it was never dry when Kunigami was home.

After Kunigami left for blue lock, you were living a pretty boring life. It was the same as it was before, just without your big oaf clinging to you wherever you went. But a little birdie— also known as Kunigami’s older sister— sent you a text that Kunigami had finally come home for a break. Excited, you wanted to ask if you could come over, but quickly learned that something about him had changed.

You waited. Waited for days for a text from your boyfriend saying that he wanted to meet up to talk, play a game, to catch up, anything really. Yeah, something was wrong. Your usually affectionate boyfriend wasn’t texting you at all. Sure, he was a bit shy in the relationship, but he would never neglect your feelings like this. He’s supposed to be taking this time off to get a break from soccer, so why weren’t you on the list of things he’d want to be with?

You didn’t like it. You didn’t like waiting, and you for sure as hell didn’t like being an afterthought. If he truly forgot about you, you wanted to know now. And if he did, this relationship was over.

Without thinking it over, you made your way to Kunigami’s house, knocked on the door, and waited for a response.

The door swung open, and there stood your very different boyfriend. Appearance wise, he looked pretty much the same, except terrible bags were layered under his eyes and his hair was more tousled than usual. What caught your attention was his expression; he looked displeased, as if whatever he was looking at fulfilled his meter bar of boredom.

“What?”

Immediately, you felt your face morphing into a scowl. You were upset, angry, and even embarrassed that you pushed yourself to come over just to greet him. You hadn’t seen your boyfriend in months and this is how he greets you?

“What? Oh, so I just don’t exist anymore? Is this what this is?” You spat, crossing your arms. Kunigami scoffs and rolls his eyes before taking a step back and tries to shut the door. You stop the door before he could close it and invited yourself in, shutting the door behind you.

“I don’t appreciate the attitude, soccer superhero.”

“Don’t call me that lame ass fucking name, it pisses me off,” chided Kunigami. You clicked your tongue.

“Listen, I don’t know what the hell happened in Blue Lock over there, but don’t bring whatever nasty resentment you have back here because I won’t fucking stand for it,” you warned with a piercing glare.

It was subtle, but you could’ve sworn you saw him gulp. You’ve never been this mad before, and more importantly, you’d never been mad at him. He has listened to both his sisters complain about their past relationships and the things their significant others did wrong, so he always made sure he did the right thing and made up for the things he did wrong. His little personality change was not working on you and he wasn’t too sure how to react. Panic flashed over Kunigami’s face and you could almost see the cogs moving above his head. What was he thinking about? You didn’t have time to wait.

“Look, I just came home and all I wanna do is rest a little before going back to that hell hole. I don’t want to deal with you right now so just go back—,”

You placed a finger on Kunigami’s chest and took a step closer to him. He took a step back as you said, “If I go back home right now, just delete my number off your phone.”

It hurt. The last thing you wanted was to break up with your boyfriend but if he wasn’t going to let up on this stupid little persona he had going on you were through.

“You’re joking,” Kunigami said as his back finally reached the wall.

“Do I look like I’m joking, Rensuke? If you truly think you can get away with acting like this you can say goodbye to this relationship.”

You never say his full first name.

“I—,”

“Tell me. Tell me you want me to go home.”

You waited. Waited for an answer.

“I— no. Don’t go, please,” Kunigami said after what felt like an eternity.

You took in a deep breath and dropped your hand, letting your head rest on Kunigami.

“I did not like getting mad at you, Ren,” you said softly. Kunigami wrapped his arms around you tightly, almost as if he was afraid you’d run away.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have let my stress get the best of me and I shouldn’t have tried to take it out on you,” Kunigami apologized.

“It’s okay, just remember that you can talk to me about anything. You can rant, cry, whatever, but don’t try to act like someone else around me.”

Kunigami snorted, “I don’t cry.”

“Yea yea, big boy. Just tell me what happened and I’ll listen.”

#blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #kunigami rensuke x reader #kunigami x reader #rensuke x reader #blue lock fanfic

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angy-mouse · 10 months

Text

Puck Bunny Part 3

5.7k, no smut but definite M-rated banter and important plot (unless you're just here for the foursomes in which case you can skip this chapter ig but its pretty integral for the finale)

do you wanna go on a date?

Read 5 Minutes Ago

You stared at the message, sent directly instead of through the group chat. As if that wasn't weird enough, you'd just gone on a date (with heavy air quotes) with the three of them and you had yet to get your panties back, thank you very much. You started drifting down memory lane and forced yourself to snap out of it. This was not lecture appropriate thinking.

You get another text.

with me, idk if that was obvious lol. sap + sam are stuck running drills all afternoon bc they suck

Okay, so not a group thing. That was good, at least. You might be able to walk after all. Except…

Honestly, you don't feel like sex. Not even mind-blowing, four-orgasms-in-a-row, written-by-a-woman sex. You were tired, and still sore, and really craving something fruity but also sweet? Maybe a chocolate orange. Point being you did not feel sexy and imagining a naked man only stirred thoughts of needing to buy lotion.

i was thinking shopping and dinner - my treat ofc - but whatever you want is cool too x

Fuck, you do need a sweater. Damn changing seasons making your sundress collection obsolete.

You flipped your phone over and closed your eyes, taking a deep breath and rolling your shoulders back. Fuck the rest of the lecture hall, you were aceing this class anyway and you needed to check in.

Do you want to see Punz today?

You didn't even have to think about it. Of course you did, you wanted to see all three of them and maybe shove your face in their perfectly perky pecs, but so far seeing them entailed sex, which you were not up for. You didn't think for a second that Punz wouldn't accept a no, but you were 50/50 on whether you would cave at the first touch just to experience that intimacy.

Call yourself a slut, but it was kinda hard to deny a man who acted like you were a literal goddess.

Next question: do you want to go on a date today?

As long as it was a date-date and not their last idea of a date, that would actually be nice. You were past the awkward small talk stage with Punz, so no fumbling or awkward silences should happen. Plus you already knew he would compliment you to the high heavens, which certainly couldn't hurt your mood.

So what were you waiting for?

You thought, but you couldn't find an answer. A handsome, fit guy who treated you amazing and was great in bed wanted to take you shopping and treat you to dinner. You'd have to be a fucking idiot not to.

You flipped your phone back over and found another text.

no pressure ofc, but id be a fucking idiot not to try spending time with you without the peanut gallery

You snorted, thumbs gliding over the screen to save him from his nerves. Even if he was cute when he rambled.

tbh shopping and dinner sounds exactly what I need rn

A beat where you thought too much and got lost for just a moment. You bit the bullet, putting a heart on the end and hitting send. Then, as an afterthought:

should I change?

what are you wearing?

For a moment you considered telling him you forgot about a lecture you can't miss, and you actually can't go and you're so sorry but maybe next time-

omg wait not like THAT

i just mean last two times i saw you you were wearing a cute asf dress and then that nice shirt with big sleeves and the black skirt so as far as im concerned anything you wear is perfect

He's talking about your lantern sleeve blouse. Something about the way he fumbles, not knowing anything about what things are called and only knowing that he liked them enough to remember makes you just melt.

oh lol well thank you. Did you wanna meet somewhere or…

The response is instant.

ill come pick you up! whens your last class get out?

You tell him and get a thumbs up and heart emoji pairing, then a gif of snoopy doing his happy dance that makes you laugh under your breath.

"Stop sexting in class,"

You flinch and clutch your phone to your chest before recognition kicks in and you glare at Niki. "I'm not sexting," you hiss. "Punz is picking me up for a date." She rolls her eyes. "An actual date." You didn't know why you needed her to be happy for you so badly. Maybe with both your long term best friend and slightly less long term boyfriend both kicked out of your life, you were just craving companionship. It would certainly explain your current disaster of a dating life.

"Okay," she says but it doesn't sound like she means it. "Just so you know, I only have one romcom binge weekend in me a year, so if this harem breaks your heart, too, you're on your own."

"I appreciated that, you know." She blinks like she wasn't expecting anything less than snark, but you meant it. You came into your dorm with eyes so full of tears you didn't even realize she was there until she was coaxing you into your PJs and shoving a carton of Ben & Jerry's into your lap. Suddenly your mysterious roommate you only saw once in a blue moon when your schedules rarely overlapped was the shoulder you were crying on, voice ringing through your ears promising you were still the baddest bitch and he was the loser here.

"It's no big deal," she finally decided. "You need to learn people don't deserve praise for not treating you like crap."

You didn't have a comeback for that, so you finished class in silence.

"Do I get to meet this one, too?"

You can't fight your smile. "You want to?"

"Gotta make sure you're not dropping your standards. Again."

"I changed my mind: fuck off." She curled her hands into a heart with a grin before you turned away, hearing her chase after you. 'Chase' very loosely translated to 'took four quick steps to easily catch up because she's a lot fitter than you.' Damn skinny people.

"If he just pulls up and honks, you are not getting in the car. Date ends there."

"Any particular reason?"

"A man who can't wait to get out of the car to greet you can't wait long enough for you to come."

You grinned over your shoulder as you walked into the afternoon sun. "Oh, believe me: not a concern."

"Ew,"

"You started it."

"And I'm finishing it."

Tires screeching on pavement caught your attention, just in time to watch two students nearly get run over by a cherry red Challenger. You bit your cheek. "You don't think…"

The car came to a stop right in front of the stairs (only because it was physically incapable of climbing them, you were sure) showing off the VAL-U sticker on the back window.

"I do think," Niki said solemnly. A single honk came from the car. "Oh, fuck no-"

"Niki, please," you begged as you watched Punz climb out of the driver's seat in a crisp collared shirt, buttoned only enough to be appropriate in public. You practically melted as he gave you that sparkling grin, running a hand through his blond locks as he climbed the stairs two at a time to join you.

"I had one rule for you-"

"Sorry," Punz breathed out, pressing a tender kiss to your cheek, close enough you could feel the faint heat rushing through his face. "I slammed my elbow on the horn trying to unplug my phone."

You'd be embarrassed by the loud snort that left you if you weren't so grateful it drowned out Niki's, "you're lucky, valley."

"You look beautiful." It was hard to believe when you'd just sounded like a literal pig. At least, it would be if he wasn't looking at you like you hung the stars, hands sliding back on either side of your waist until he was holding you gently against him. His lips ghosted over yours. "I missed you, bunny."

You missed him, too. “You saw me two days ago,” you say instead, but you let your hands link against the nape of his neck as he gives you a soft kiss. Something more than a peck, but nothing you were embarrassed to do in front of Niki. Something just right.

“And it was painful,” he announced, squeezing you tighter against him like he knew it would make you giggle into his neck. “Forty-eight hours with Big and Rich for company.”

“Are you ever going to run out of demeaning nicknames for them?”

“Haven’t yet. Hi-” It takes you a second to realize he’s talking to Niki over your head. “Friend?”

That one was directed at you, so you hum an affirmative and gently peel yourself away to run through introductions. Punz only lets you get out of one arm, the other moving to hang over your shoulders with a squeeze that clearly said ‘that one stays.’ “This is my roommate, Niki. Niki-”

“Punz,” she mused, offering her hand. “I know all about you.”

“Is this a shovel talk?”

“No. I don’t talk before shoveling.”

“Niki,” you beg, but Punz gives her a firm shake.

“Big fan of that,” he declared with a grin. “I’ve got a buddy with a truck, we should get you two in contact.”

She nodded solemnly. “Alright,” she directed at you, “you can go on the date.”

“Niki!”

She took your keys off your bag. “I’ll take your car back to the dorm. Don’t get pregnant.”

“NIKI!”

“Bye, Niki,” Punz cheered with a cackle, arm around your shoulders keeping you from chasing after her to commit some mild manslaughter. “Nice to meet you!”

“Don’t say, ‘nice to meet you,’ when she’s humiliating me.” You got a kiss pressed to the side of your head instead of an apology as he started down the steps, dragging you along with. The gentle pressure of his arm on your neck solidified your feeling like a yappy chihuahua being tugged along by the leash. It all felt a stark difference to the usual sultry air that followed you around these three. This actually felt like a… date. Not a sex on the nearest surface date, but a proper meet the parents soon date.

You tried not to think about how scary that was.

Instead, you thanked Punz as he held open your door, your hand in his as he helped you climb in. You held in a giggle as he shut the door behind you and raced around the hood like he was worried you’d leave without him. “What are we shopping for,” he asked as he threw himself into his seat, but you were distracted.

“Why do you have a suicide knob?”

He grinned, wide and toothy, tongue poking out as he used the knob to wiggle the steering wheel. “Because it’s fun.”

You buckled your seatbelt.

“Oh, come on,” he huffed, pulling out of the parking lot. “I’ve never gotten into so much as a fender bender with this car.”

“This car?”

“Don’t say it like that! I haven’t gotten into an accident since I was a teenager, is that better?”

“Yeah, and what are you now, twenty?”

“Twenty-five,”

“Oh my god, you’re old.”

You regretted it as soon as you said it. You were so not at the stage where you could make fun of each other and especially not something as potentially sensitive as his age and why he's still at University-

"Well, you're a brat, so I thought we made a good pair." There's a beat where your mind races, but Punz reaches over to take your hand off your lap and cuts it short. "That was a joke. I know you're not a brat."

"Only a little bit," you admit, and squeeze him back, a little promise that you didn't take it harshly. "If you were serious about taking me shopping, I could use some warm clothes for fall.”

The car pulled to a smooth stop at the light, and he fixed you with a look like you’ve accused him of secretly kicking puppies. “Dead serious. I love shopping.”

“You’re clearly very passionate about this.”

He took his stare off you to pull through the light, bringing your joined hands up to his lips. “Well, I have an addictive personality, a great credit score, and excellent fashion sense.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Hey, what’s with the doubt?!”

“Don’t get me wrong,” you promise, using your joined hands to gesture to his open shirt, “today’s pirate-with-no-inhibitions look is super sexy, and I’m a big fan of the pleather pants, but every other time I’ve seen you, you wore a hoodie and basketball shorts.”

“That’s not fair: you always see me after practice! I can't squeeze into these pants while I’m still sweaty.”

“Well, I’m very appreciative of your sacrifice.” You wait until he’s looking at you to pointedly eye up his thick thighs, practically seran-wrapped in black fabric. “Very appreciative.”

“Bunny’s secretly a pervert,” he accused, “God, I’m not a slab of meat.”

“Really?”

He finally broke, laughing so hard he hit the rumble strips and had to swerve back into the lane. “You’re such a little shit! You’re lucky it makes you lovable instead of annoying.”

“You three practically snap me in half every time I see you: I’m allowed some eye candy!”

“I’ll be your eye candy,” he promised, and flicked open another button on his shirt. “Boom.”

“Whoa, now,”

“Too hot?”

“I nearly creamed.”

“I hate you,” he wheezed, shoving the gearshift into park. “Get the fuck out of my car.”

“Rudeness!”

His hand snatched yours when you reached for the door. “Wait, I wasn’t serious!”

“I’m getting out!”

“No, wait for me!”

“I’m getting out, and I’m telling Sam you let me open my own door!”

“No, he’ll kill me!”

“Good!” Despite the snap, you can’t pry the smile off your face and you find yourself staying perfectly still in your seat as Punz races around the hood again. “Oh, Merci,” you chirped, taking his offered hand as you stepped out.

“De nada, my little bunny."

His arm laid across your shoulders again like you were boyfriend-girlfriend on an average date. He even reached out to open the door for you as you walked into the mall. But you weren't boyfriend-girlfriend, you were a puck bunny brat. "Every time I think you're kinda sweet, you call me that."

"It's a talent of mine: making an ass of myself. Where do you wanna look first?"

“I usually go to Salvation Army.”

Punz started walking towards the Aeropostale, dragging you along with. “I’m offended you think I’d offer to take you shopping and take you to Salvation Army.”

You started struggling, grabbing a fistful of his shirt to try and curb him. Your heels tried to find purchase on the tile, but he slid you across the floor like dragging a sled. “I’m a college student! And so are you, for that! I’m not letting you spend your food cash for the week on clothes for me- Jesus Christ, how are you this strong?!”

He stopped, but it had nothing to do with your attempts. He spun you in his arms as if you were nothing more than a doll to him, something he could carry with him and arrange however he wanted. The thought made you feel equal parts small and bratty, but his hands on your hips made you bite your tongue as he held you close. His eyes were stern, a slight tremble in his features betraying his nerves.

“Alright, I’m gonna tell you something, and I don’t want you to freak out.”

Oh, you were totally going to freak out.

“I didn’t want to say this so soon because it totally changes how people think of me, but you’re clearly going to fight me on this, so here it is.” He took a deep breath, eyes screwed shut in a wince. “I’m a trust fund kid. My parents are loaded.”

It didn’t click at first. Not until you blinked. “... oh my god?”

He nodded solemnly. “I know.”

It was a shock, the same way any new information about someone you knew was a shock: mild brain buffer as your mental file was updated. Other than that, though… You couldn’t seem to care. Other than, of course, another chance to mouth off. “Oh my god,” you performed, shaking his shoulders. “Eat the rich, Punz!”

“I’m not into butt stuff,”

“I hate you,” you lied, trying to push away. “I hate you and your gated mansion community-”

“I live in the frat house, it’s practically a homeless shelter.”

“You and your diamond studded underwear-”

“Where are you getting your information on rich people: Richie Rich?”

“You’re an old rich guy, too!” You gasped, clapping your hands on either of his cheeks. He gave a minor wince from the impact, but it was swept away just as quickly by rapt attention as you pressed your forehead to his. “Am I a sugar baby?”

“Well, you haven’t actually let me buy you anything yet-”

“Wrong answer.”

He shook his head between your hands, essentially making you slap him repeatedly. “No, bunny, you’re not a sugar baby, not in the slightest. Now, can I buy you more clothes than you can ever wear?”

Your gaze narrowed, but it probably wasn’t as intimidating as you hoped when you had to cross your eyes to look at him. “You swear your wallet won’t feel it?”

“May lightning strike me down.”

It took a moment, but with not even a rumble of thunder, you supposed you had to believe him. “Alright,” you conceded, “but we’re going somewhere that actually carries my size.”

<3E>

“I’ve never been in a Torrid,” Punz admits to you as you walk in.

“Really? You don’t lurk in the lingerie section hunting for big women?”

“There’s a lingerie section?” He’s too excited at the prospect to entertain your sass, but evidently not too excited to take the pants you were looking at right out of your hands. “You’ll have to try everything on for me. Even though I’m adamantly opposed to anything that covers your legs.”

You tried to take them back and he casually moved out of reach, adding a blazer to his haul. “Just because I’m built like an elephant seal doesn’t mean I’m actually insulated-”

“Hey-” You jump at the sudden appearance of a sales associate, a beautiful woman with an undercut and dangly earrings, and flush at the reminder that you were in public. She points an empty hanger at you sternly. “We don’t do self deprecation in here.” The hanger tip shifted over to Punz. “Are you not telling her how beautiful she is enough?”

You can feel your face turning purple as Punz claims, "I can't: I need to eat and sleep sometimes," and starts plucking one of everything off the racks without bothering to check sizes.

"Wha- Punz! Stop that! I don't need-"

"What you need is to let me love you!"

Undercut woman has a giant grin as she turns to walk away. "I'll get a dressing room open for you. Name for the door?"

"I don't need-"

If Punz wasn't trying to smother you in twisted affection, you might've started to get pissed off at the way he interrupted you again. "Bunny!"

"You're gonna get a foot up your ass in a minute here!"

"She don't bite," he insists, wrapping a thick arm around your neck to yank you against him. He starts pressing fat kisses to your hair, the kind where he just puckers his lips ridiculously and smacks them against you. The first few are gross. The next annoying. Then he starts cooing about she's just a sweet little thing and your attitude crumbles like a wall, entire body melting against him like a stray that's finally caving into affection.

You can feel his lips curl into a wide grin against your head, but you can't make yourself rebuild that wall when he's nosing your hair away from your ear so he can whisper, "are we done being a brat, baby?"

“...yeah,”

His finger crooked under your chin, gently lifting your lips to his for a soft kiss. “Yeah? My sweet girl’s gonna let me dress her up?”

My girl.

You stole another kiss, dropping one on Punz’s jaw as you pulled away for good measure. “At least grab the right size, you big lug.”

You may as well have promised him a puppy. His grin stretched wide across his face, bottom lip pulled between his teeth before he ducked his head, hiding from you. He nuzzled into your neck, puckering his lips so they just barely grazed your jugular, feeling your pulse race. “Yay,” he murmured, arm around your shoulders sliding down your back until he could grip your soft waist. “Because as hot as you look in this dress, I don’t approve of how the leggings hide away our tummy.”

“You mean my tummy?”

“I’m filing for joint custody. You don’t appreciate her enough.”

“I appreciate her just fine. It- fuck me, now I’m doing it! Give me something to put on!”

He cackled, tugging your collar aside to check the tag and leaving you to rifle through the racks. “I’m gonna build you some outfits,” he promised, flicking through some camisoles to add to his armful. “And I wanna see every single one.”

“I thought you wanted to make it to dinner at some point.”

He found one in your size and handed you the completed stack. “Then you’d better run that cute ass into a stall for me. Ooh, swimsuit sale!”

You huffed and rolled your eyes all the way to the back of the store and all the way into the dressing room until the door was shut behind you. You only allowed yourself the time it took to strip and redress to think about how warm you felt inside. How nice it felt to have someone who wanted to drape you in silks and pouted when you made him settle for overpriced plus-size fashion. Someone who was ready to watch you try on one of everything, knowing full well how long it’d take.

You settled the blazer over your shoulders and turned to the mirror, lips pressing together.

By no means were you ashamed of your body… but you leaned more towards ‘screw the world I don’t owe it to you to fit your beauty standards’ and less towards ‘I’m fat and fuckable.’

The flared pants sat just too low to tuck away your muffin top. No matter how you tugged on the camisole, it couldn’t cover that inch of skin- unless you wanted to walk around with your bra out.

“Shoppin’ for my baby!” Your gaze snapped to the door, hearing the rhythmic shuffle of feet. “Shoppin’ for my bunny!” You slapped a hand over your mouth to keep from laughing- if he heard you, he might stop singing. “Shop ‘til you drop! Bop-bop-bop! Gonna get a crop- top! Yeah, I could’a been a rapper. Fuckin’ missed my calling.”

“You so did,” you called out, threading the buttons on your blazer as you bumped the door open. “What would your rapper name be?”

“Lil’ Pucky,” he called back without hesitation as he turned. Blood rushed through your ears as his jaw dropped open, eyes cruising up and down your form so intensely you worried you’d forgotten to put clothes on at all. “Hello, bunny.”

“Hi,” you giggled. You gave a twirl and laughed when a swoon of “oh, ass,” passed his lips. “You like?”

“I love.” He groped for your waist, pulling you into his chest until you could feel his heartbeat through your right tit. “I changed my mind: you can wear pants, but only these.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yup.”

“These are better than the leggings?”

“Leggings are too tight. Anything that delays me from getting in your guts for more than six seconds is going in the bonfire.”

Your hand came down on his shoulder and he pretended it hurt, stumbling into one of the plush chairs. “That’s why you wanted to take me shopping! You figure if you buy me enough, you can get rid of everything you don’t like!”

He couldn’t even pretend to feel guilty, a grin wider than a fucking canyon stretching across his face. “It’s gonna be short dresses and tight pants if I have my way.”

“And what makes you think you’ll get your way?”

He held out his hand, a silky two-piece bathing suit with a halter strap top and a skirt layered with frills dangling from his fingers. “Because I found this in your size-” his other hand revealed a mesh shopping bag half full, “and enough panties for Sam to steal as many as he wants.”

You accepted the swimsuit to try on, but gave an apologetic smile. “I’m very picky about my underwear: I don’t want you to be upset if I don’t wear what you pick out for me, okay?”

“Don’t worry, I’m working off a reference.”

There’s two beats where you process his words before you’re beating him with the swimsuit. “You’re the one who ended up with my panties?!”

Punz didn’t even move to block your hits, hand coming up to lay over his heart. “I pledge my allegiance every morning, first thing.”

“Where did you hang them?!”

<3E>

“I can carry something, you know.”

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.” Punz piled the bags all onto one arm as if he took your offer as a personal offense to his strength and very manhood, looping the other around your waist. “Taking a fine lady out and making her carry her own bags- who do you think I am?”

You’re getting used to his dramatics: you barely acknowledge him as a stall catches your eye. “Ooh, boba!”

His arm doesn’t budge around you, but it doesn’t keep you in place like you’ve experienced before. Your path shifts towards the drink shop and his elbow pulls straight for barely a second before he shifts right with you, letting you lead him wherever you desired. “That milky stuff with the gross balls?”

“Yes, but no.” There’s laminated menus on the tables so you pick one up and scan the flavors. “You’re thinking milk tea with tapioca pearls. I get fruity tea with popping pearls.”

“You’re really cute, but I don’t know what you’re saying.”

“I’m gonna blow your mind right now.” You slipped your card out of your purse as you walked up to the counter to make sure Punz knew you were buying this time. “Hi, can I get a large strawberry fruit tea with green apple pearls?”

He barely gets out the total and asks for a name for the order before Punz slaps his card on the machine from the side. "'Punz': exactly how it sounds, but with a 'Z'."

"I was gonna pay for it, asshole!" The only response you get from him is his signature on the pad- which is nothing more than a colon and a 'P'. You stuck your tongue out right back, skipping out of reach to snatch up a straw from the pick-up counter. "You're gonna let your guard down sooner or later."

"You make it sound like you're gonna kill me." You drag the straw across your throat. "Wow," he snorted, pecking the tip of your nose, "total savage."

“I know. I’m totawy scawy.”

“Fwightening.”

“You’re a dork,” you informed him with a huff of laughter, stabbing your drink as soon as it arrived. “Poison check,” you claimed, taking the first sip. You skewered a pearl for him before handing it over. “Alright, taste that thang.”

You waited eagerly as the straw passed his soft lips, on the edge of your nonexistent seat as he took his first sip.

He shrugged. “Yeah, it’s alright.”

You rescued your drink before smacking his arm. “No taste!”

“It’s about as good as fruit can get, but it still tastes like fruit. Give me a burger any day.”

“I’ve never met such a dumb man,” you huffed, sipping for yourself.… Okay, so it had too much ice, but it was still delicious!

“Liar,” Punz accused as you started your walk again. “You’ve met Sapnap.”

You bumped into him with purpose. “Yeah, but it’s cute on him.”

“Ouch, you’re really wounding my pride there, bunny,” he drawled, making sure his sarcasm seeped through every word. “As if I could be jealous of Sappy.”

You could feel your lips curling into an evil grin around your fat straw before the thought of what to say even formed. “I don’t know: he’s cute, and strong, and a gentleman, and he’s great with his tongue-”

“Alright, you’re pushing it!” A cry left your lips as he snatched your cheek, pinching only hard enough to pull it around a bit. “Talking about another freaking guy this much, even if he is my teammate-”

“Leggo uh meee!”

He gave another yank before releasing you with a huff. “Such a little brat…”

His tone changed. It was slight, but there was a definite change- enough to make you stop and backtrack. Did you push too far? Was he actually insecure and being compared to Sapnap was a jab in the gut? Or maybe he was just getting sick of your attitude when he was treating you like a princess.

“I’m sorry.” Punz let out a small noise from the back of his throat that you took as prompting to continue. “I don’t know why I even said that, but I’ll try not to be such a- such a brat.”

“It’s okay,”

“It’s not-”

“Why are you upset?” He turned to look at you properly, pulling you to a stop once he saw your expression.

You huffed, frustrated that you had to say it out loud, but more frustrated at yourself. “Because you’re wonderful to me-” His hand came up to your cheek, warm and soft, and suddenly your eyes were clouding up. “And you don’t deserve all the snapping I do-” There’s a lump growing in your throat. “And I don’t even know why I say that kind of shit because I’m having a great time with you-”

“Oh, honey bunny.” You caught a glimpse of his handsome face twisted into concern before he was pulling you into a nook for some semblance of privacy, setting your bags on the floor before hauling you tight against his chest. “Oh, you’ve really worked yourself up over this, huh?” You know it’s not really a question, but you find you’re nodding into his shoulder anyway. You don’t even feel like you’re crying: there are tears streaming out of your eyes, but that’s it. Almost like someone’s left the faucet on and forgot about it.

Punz’s lips press firmly against your head, hands rubbing circles against the tense muscles in your back, like he was trying to find the button that would make it all better. “Can I tell you something, bunny?” His lips briefly twitch into a tiny smile when you nod mindlessly against his shirt. “I know you’re having a good time. And I am, too. And I know you just like chatting shit. Makes you feel strong, huh? Like you’re big and in charge?” You didn’t even realize it before he put it into words, but he was exactly right, earning another nod. “And you wanna know something else?

“I like chatting shit, too.” You pull back as you realize the tears have stopped, and he only lets you go a few inches before he’s holding you still with warm hands on your waist. “The boys told me all about your drive before our movie night. You know how Sammy threw his little tantrum over your seatbelt?” His choice of words pulls a throaty laugh from you that makes him grin. “We all want different things when we’re with you, bunny. Sam wants to make sure you’re taken care of, so when you brat, he’s gonna nod and take it until you run out of steam and ask him nicely, then he’ll give you anything you want.

“But I kinda like to fight, bunny. Nothing mean, but when you poke me, I wanna poke back. I think it’s fun just like you do, and I think we could have a good time pushing each other to the limit to see who gives.” His lips twitched. “Now, Sappy: I think that boy just wants to die under a big woman, so you gotta watch out for him, make sure he’s still breathing when you sit on him-”

You try to smother your laughter because this is serious, but then you’re imagining a headline that says, ‘Local Man Attempts Suicide By Pussy,’ and you break into manic giggles that send you right back into Punz’s chest as he laughs with you. His hand rubbed up and down your back, slow and soft, melting your form against his.

You turned your head once the giggles calmed down, taking a deep breath of his cologne while you listened to his heart. “I still feel bad,” you admitted. “Like I pushed too far.”

“I promise you didn’t, baby.” The speed of his answer makes you melt just a bit more. “I get being worried about it, though, because I do, too…” He hummed as he thought. “Sappy said you guys decided on a safe word?”

You nodded against him. “Pineapple,”

“Pineapple. Okay, so how about we both promise that if the other crosses a line, we say ‘pineapple.’ Then we know it’s an actual ‘no’ and not just more playing. How’s that sound?” You give another nod that he returns with a squeeze. “You want me to take you home, baby?” You’re shaking your head without a second thought, pressing yourself deeper against him. You get another squeeze in response, a silent, ‘I won’t leave you.’ “You wanna get some dinner?”

You forced yourself to pull away, his fingertips trailing over your body as long as they can until they hook onto yours. You beamed at him. “That sounds really nice, old man.”

Punz laughed. “Let’s go, then, brat.”

#angymouse #puckbunny #punnysqueaks #minors dni #mcyt smut

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genderkoolaid · 2 years

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not sure where to start with this kinda thing but *sigh* here goes.

(gonna preface this by saying i don't want to 'take away' attention to this starting topic. it's very important for Black trans masc voices to be heard. just using this as an example.)

in conversations of POC trans men and how their transmasculinity intersects with their race, i usually hear about Black trans mascs and how their masculinity is weaponised against them. i have heard nothing about Asian trans men which kinda surprises me? it's very very important to hear Black trans mascs, of course. i wonder why there is little to no talk of other POC trans mascs, though.

i am a South East Asian genderqueer trans man and i have not seen any other SEA trans men talk about their experiences of race and transmasculinity intersecting. literally nothing lol. idk if i've been looking in the wrong places or something.

i have darker skin than what most White people would think of when they hear 'Asian' but people assume based on my eye shape that i'm East Asian. i'm already invisible to most people. i'm just an afterthought of an Asian (even in activism), an Asian man who is just grouped under the general assumption that all Asians are from East Asia. nobody cares much about my culture. to them, i'm 'just Asian'. i'm the type of Asian that is both fetishised and oversexualised and called 'dirty' for being darker skinned, having a flatter nose, having a culture that isn't 'cool'.

(South East Asian men who are cis also struggle with being emasculated in White countries, so cheers to my transness introducing me to that horrible intersection of racism and masculinity).

i've been feminised my entire life even though i've been perceived as pretty boyish before i figured out my transness. like, even when people 'mistook' me for a boy when i was younger, girls would still exclude me from their playground gossip. 'who do you think is the prettiest guy in class?' 'between all the boys, who's the cutest?'. i remember hearing '(my nickname) is handsome!' replied to with, 'really? that guy? the Asian? he's pretty girly for a guy'.

that hurt me so bad at the time, because i did everything in my power to play with boy toys, play with boy things, do boy things, dress in boy clothes. what did i do that was girly? everyone thought i was a boy. i did the exact same things my White classmates did. what did i do differently from my White peers that made me girly? it hurt me so bad.

i feel so feminised even when people view me as cis. i feel so undesirable because i'm never going to be masculine enough, even if i was the most masculine Asian man. i am never measuring up to the White cis standard in gay dating pools. i feel invisible. even if i was the most Masculine Asian Man, i would never been seen as masculine as the average cis White man. it's so distressing.

i feel like i'm not worthy enough to date a cis boy. and i feel like White trans mascs can't understand my frustration at this forced feminisation; it is not the same (not saying this in any bad way or trying to imply i 'go through worse', i just..can't relate to them. and it hurts when most trans masc people i see online are White. i never see myself in that trans experience and i want to so badly).

hell, i'm emasculated in the way that East Asian men are, but i'm not fucking East Asian. i'm still treated like i'm a 'dirty Asian' because i'm brown. i'm undesirable and so desirable that people fetishise me at the same time. i'm so invisible. as a man and as an Asian. (South East Asians are fetishised in such a weird grey area that's it's hard to talk about tbh.)

trans men in general already suffering from invisibility doesn't help anything. i am so much more invisible because i am South East Asian. i am invisible even to well-meaning anti-racist allies. i am so, so invisible. because nobody thinks much about South East Asia. that a trans man can be South East Asian, even.

not sure where i am getting with this. but i hope to just..put this here and hope it makes a lick of sense to you. your blog has given me such affirmation and joy i've never really felt in a while. i don't even care if you don't reply. it's cathartic to even talk about this.

i wonder if people really even stop to think about South East Asian trans mascs. i've had such a problem with invisibility that when people claim that invisibility is a 'privilege', it makes me break down. i live my life invisible to communities i am a part of. it's debilitating seeing nobody like you. to feel like a ghost, like some weird anomaly that doesn't deserve to be a man. i am an invisible Asian, and an invisible man. i am an invisible Asian man. it's so tiring.

^^^ I'm glad you wrote this. I really value hearing other people's experiences and perspectives.

I think part of the problem is that the transandrophobia discussion is, especially in comparison to other spaces in queer discourse, pretty young & small, so I think a lot of groups aren't represented because not enough people from those groups have actually heard about it enough to give their opinions. But I'm really glad you did; we definitely need to hear more from transmascs of color on the unique ways they deal with transandrophobia and race.

#m.#ask box #race and transandrophobia #< thats gonna be a tag now #im partially west asian but i dont have enough. experience? connection? to rlly comment on how that intersects w transandrophobia

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tired-twili · 11 months

Text

This is totally a rant post bcs I don't have a sane voice of reason in my life that I can go to for advice :) this is just me having strange "friends"

So yeah, if u didn't know I just graduated hs and yeah, teenagers can be pretty crazy. Most of these freinds I've had since young or early high school and they've been my "close freinds" the past couple of years. Ofc my fam loves them and all hence why I don't feel comfortable talking abt this to them, bcs they'll say I'm overreacting, which maybe I'm am 💀 I just can't take much more of this.

Anyways, it's not that I don't get a long with them, it's just I never rlly had much in common with them. Over the summer they all really want to go to concerts, festivals, ect ect together. I was on the fence abt these things bcs I often have anxiety attacks in crowded places, but I decided that maybe I'd go to one or something. Yeah no, for the concert they were trying to get me to go to it was abt 200 buck and I wasn't abt to pay that much just to have a miserable time. Ofc they were upset abt it but I felt embarrassed and didn't want to explain that I didn't want to go bcs of anxiety (which was on me tbh) but this is only one example but it rlly made me think that it's just not worth it to hang out with them?

I also got added to a snap group, with them in it and they were sending a bunch of vids hanging out. I wasn't rlly offended that I wasn't invited since it happens a lot, but I wasn't exactly happy to be spammed of notifs from them. Maybe this is just me but I don't rlly care to added to chats just to have to watch you all hang out without me? There was other girl in the chat that wasn't with them which makes me feel like it's less wierd, but?? Idk. It's complelty fine that they are, cus like I said, they like to go out and do stuff and it's not really my thing.

All in all I just,,,rlly don't like hanging out with them 💀 half the time it's not rlly fun and I end up going home with anxiety. I've tried to share some of my interests and it rlly hasn't gone over well haha. I introduced them to RE 8 on Halloween since they wanted to play a scary game. One of the girls said it was lame compared to the other game I showed them a differnt time (little nightmares 2 lamo) and they were on thier phones chatting ect for the rest of the night. Which I complelty understand that video games aren't for everyone and in no world do they have to enjoy it, but it still kinda hurt my feelings listening to her make fun of a game I rlly like and then them compellty do thier own thing (I had a blast tho I just played while they talked or whatever lmao). My one super nice freind tho said we should get together a differnt time and she genuinely seemd a bit interested but fjdjjsjs idk.

I do get a bit tired of being the "afterthought friend" but at this point I don't rlly care. I'm going to be heading off to college soon and I honestly don't want to keep in contact with them. They're have been a lot of other things like one of them not having respect for other people's time and stuff but that's a whole different topic.

By no extent are they toxic or anything, we just don't rlly get a long that we'll, ya know. I guess I'm just wondering if I'm being too quick abt wanting to distance myself from them?? Idk man

#twili speaketh nonsense #rant #me not making sence for 2k #dont read all this lmao #I just dont know how to human #tldr

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antiradqueer · 9 months

Note

i left the rq community for a lot of reasons but i keep seeing anti-rqs post stuff like "if you're proud of your paras or like them or are okay with them AT ALL or pursue ANY form of recovery besides being silent about it forever + not ever telling anyone or curing your paras and becoming ~pure and morally correct~ you're literally a radqueer and are just as bad as people who support csa and bestiality"

i've also seen a lot of "all groomers are pedos and should be murdered and killed for being pedos and if you don't want all pedos to be murdered and killed then kys you're literally pro-c pro-abuse pro-grooming pro-radqueer" which like... idk it feels weird to be so supportive of hating someone exclusively for having a disorder and treating the actual abuse as an afterthought that doesn't matter compared to them being a ~scary pedo~, especially when it comes across as treating all MAPs as inherently disgusting and horrible and ~impure~ and ~sinful~. a lot of MAPs are victims of grooming/csa themselves so it feels especially weird, like it's a repeat of "narc abuse" shit (demonizing traumatized people and acting like they're forever doomed to be the worst people on earth because of a disorder they can't control - i've even seen people word for word repeat all the "don't control how survivors talk about their trauma!! if they want to demonize innocent people, let them or you're a horrible person!!!" bullshit "narc abuse" truthers spread)

i'd be more active in the anti-radqueer community but i feel extremely unsafe knowing that if i ever mention i'm a map and i'm proud of myself for not acting on my attraction and not hurting anyone, i'll be treated as just as bad as people who groomed me into believing that abuse is okay and i'll be sent death threats and harassed just like they are

i don't want to go back to the radqueer community because it's awful and i don't support the majority of the shit they see as acceptable but it's literally the only place where i won't get told to die because i don't absolutely hate myself and hide my attraction every second of every day if that makes sense? i hate how the community is so predominantly pro-c/pro-grooming because i'm not any of that but what am i even supposed to do if i can't go *anywhere* without being hated and outcasted for something that doesn't hurt anyone and i can't control

i dont have a response for this one

#anti radqueer

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whore-for-murdock · 7 months

Text

Been struggling a bit lately, and wanted to vent.

I hope this doesn’t upset or trigger anyone. If anyone needs to talk i’m here.

Warnings: Self h*rm (indirectly mentioned), skin picking (technically self h*rm, but it’s cause of my OCD so idk), depression, self doubt, body obsessing, self hate, idk what else lmk what i missed.

Word Count: 916

glances, stares,

hoping for something to grow

while my efforts may be noticed,

the ending doesn’t seem fair

feelings, emotions,

growing endlessly

can’t tell if you’re getting there,

or if this is is all a game to you

lie told, assurance given

chances are you didn’t mean it

time and time again

efforts unnoticed

unwanted

yet i try and try

only to be let down

to fall

fall from the expectations

the height i reached

full of hope, care, feelings

too quick do they grow

faster and faster

climbing up and up

only to fall infinitely

until passing another beautiful dot on the night sky

climbing to reach it, hold it

see it for what it truly is

more than a dot,

more than a speck

amongst the millions lights, twinkling,

one that catches your eye,

your attention, shining brighter than the others

conversations start and stopped,

a tedious cycles, while necessary

information shared, bonds formed

broken, fake, brief entertainment at best

dry, dry response

when the dry one steps up

out of comfort, accommodating always

others first, others first, others first

make everyone comfortable

everyone happy

nothing is anyone’s fault, but your own

you are wrong, they are right

you are gross, desperate,

anxious, stupid,

weak, irresponsible,

they are perfect

your are beautiful and perfect,

flawed and wrong,

“you’re too pretty for that”

“just stop”

people say they love you, you’re gorgeous

then tell you to change,

stop ruining what they expect of you

what you should be to them

never ask why, never offer help

just stop being you

stop struggling, stop being human

be an object of their affections until they find a new toy

be everything but…

but what happens to you

when you’re cut up

spit out

expected to piece yourself to get the way they want

doesn’t matter if the pieces don’t match

we’ll get rid of those

leave only the good parts

the pretty parts

only what’s acceptable

imagine struggling

like your a person

like you have feelings

don’t struggle

you can’t struggle

you don’t know struggle

you haven’t experienced racism

youre not black enough

not really anyways

you are not black enough

say the n-word, come on, your black right

you’re not black enough

enough

rips though a person with doubt

whether they are enough

kenough

unrequited love

happens to everyone

more time than i can count

always put the effort

never sought out

never the first choice

always an afterthought

always blamed

always flawed

always forced to smile pretty

act like everything is fine,

while i cry myself to sleep

night after night

voice too loud

listen to everyone

they are right and you are wrong

their opinion matters

don’t be happy with yourself

change

change for them

they matter

everyone matter except for you

you should calm down

you should be less loud

you should

everyone has an opinion

always have something to say

you should

you should be ashamed

hide things, hide yourself

don’t make mistakes,

and if you do

don’t move on, don’t learn

dwell

dwell on it

because you were wrong and they were right

never forget

they are always right

but never ask for help

don’t struggle

don’t make mistakes

always know things

always understand

you’re supposed to be smart

but you’re always wrong

never right

wrong for being sad

wrong for hurting

wrong for feeling pain

so you hide, feel a different type of pain

feel something other than numb

wrong

you’re wrong

don’t hurt yourself

we care

we want to help

share, we want you too

pain, unbearable and consuming,

stop

what are you doing

why can’t you be happy

you’ve got it so good

it’s too much, you’re too sad

your make us sad

hide

hide everything

don’t share, don’t hurt, don’t feel numb

wear a mask

be happy

please everyone

everyone matters and you don’t

unconditional

but they don’t love you, not for who you are

change

conditional

scars negate beauty

conditional

hide them

change them

change

stop, being you stop struggling

stop your brain from working against you

stop your skin from itching so intensely,

until scabs are gone

and red coat once beautiful milk chocolate colored skin

stop having OCD

stop letting a disorder ruin your beauty

youre gorgeous until you move,

until you speak

until you bleed and struggle and feel and breathe and simple exist

you are perfect until you aren’t

and you’re never perfect

until you fit the microscopic box of expectation everyone makes go you

you never try

wasting time

if they don’t see it it didn’t happen

you do everything to make other happy

to avoid conflict

to be perfect

to stop being compared to

the amazing, perfect, successful 27 year old

that you idolize

that haunts you

compared

you aren’t compared

you’d have to matter to be compared

and you don’t matter

you don’t matter

selfish because they don’t see

selfish for wanting to do one thing for yourself

disgusting

they raised you

did everything for you

but you’re wrong, they’re right

you don’t enjoy this, they do

they always have

now you can never enjoy it

how dare you

how selfish of you

this was their thing, not yours

it’s not for you

you don’t deserve

people can only deserve things if they matter

you don’t matter

you will never matter.

#self h@rm #tw ocd #living with ocd #skin picking #depresión #tw selfhate #i love you all #struggle #koifics #original post #original poem #original poetry #real life #poets on tumblr #poetry #sad poem #poem #long poem

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caelumsnuff · 11 months

Note

genuinely curious! can you explain why you think sam and darlin’s personality got nuked? thanks!

Thank you for the ask!

I don't know how to order this so it may end up being a little word soupy, and a lot of this may be repetitive and reminiscent of things ive said before.

TLDR; The amount of fluff that has been inserted into their story line did not and has not provided optimal chance to display uniqueness of their personalities because a lot of Erik’s fluff is generic comfort content. Cuddling, sleep aids, along with some Spicy audios here or there doesn’t provide enough room for personalization to differentiate them from other characters. Plus both of them seeming pretty OOC in some parts of these most recent videos. You gotta Put Those Guys in Situations, ones in which their personalities have more room to bloom.

word soup below the cut

I think the basis of their personalities in the beginning are actually really good. I find them towards the beginning to be interesting and complex, but as the "story" went along i feel like they lost of what made them interesting in the first place.

Sam was this distant member of the Solaire clan who knew healing magic, southern cowboy with the typical southern sass and stubbornness. Darlin started out as very mysterious, very stubborn also, estranged lone wolf searching for an old blood vampire who hurt a human friend of theirs, and what do ya know! It's the same vampire that attacked Fred and Bright, Sam's progeny, they're intertwined in this really wild way. We start uncovering a little bit about them, Sam's turning, more about Darlin's history all that. And for a slow burn romance, their relationship moves forward really fast, which in itself isn't the worst thing in the world! That's chill, they're bonding over shit.

But the whole meeting thing, the reason they really bonded in the first place, is Quinn. And we saw what happened with him, pushed aside, solved as an afterthought. Like, Darlin's stubbornness was written away very quickly (which i've complained about a lot here, the whole "friendship heals all" speeches and all) as well as Sam's own stubbornness and sass. The way that they were done makes it seems like it's because they got in a relationship, but your personality doesn't tone down when you get in a relationship. You don't stop being so sassy or stubborn bc of a relationship, and if you do it doesn't happen that quickly. Nor does it happen because of other people ranting to you.

A major part of the reason it comes off that way is because of the amount of fluff that was inserted into their story. Which isn't in itself a bad thing, but redacted's fluff tends to be stereotypical comfort content, which gets a little.... formulaic and repetitive. It's not that it's bad, but its all his fluff is very much the same, just with different characters. And when you write the same thing over and over with very little changes, you kinda erase a lot of what makes these character's unique.

Like idk, i feel there's ways to make fluffy content that shows off a character's personality. I think Vincent's recent date video and Gavin's recent studying video are really good examples! They had so much personality in those videos! And there were ways to do this with Sam and Darlin, and honestly the Quinn arc ending like this was a major missed opportunity to show off their characters even if it's not necessarily fluff content.

Idk, i really hope this makes sense?? I'm sorry if this is incomprehensible word soup, but if you go look in my pinned at the sam and darlin links you should find more of what i've said about them.

#ask #anon #god this is kinda a mess asdfads

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