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alwida10 · 3 years

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The tragedy of Loki of Asgard

Or why I think the Infinity War Loki should stay dead.

TW: suicide, depression, narcissistic behavior

To understand this essay you need some basic understanding of the family dynamic in Odins family. The dynamic is one of a narcistic parent who has a golden child he projects his own awesomeness onto and a scapegoat child . The parent ensures himself the support of the golden child and makes himself the very center of attention, which is what a narcisst tribes for. The golden child longs to remain golden child and refrains from criticism of the parent. The scapegoat child strives to finally get out of the scapegoat position by pleasing the parent. To bad the child can’t do so because it gets not the blame because it did something wrong but because there must always be someone to blame. Therefore possible explanations and things the parent presented as desirable aren’t really that. Now, a golden child sooner or later gets used to blame everything on the scapegoat. It might even learn to control the scapegoat by blaming him the same way the parent did (aka the scapegoat longs for positive attention/affirmation and therefore does everything the golden child wants him to).

Now, in Thor Ragnarok Odin says ‘I love you my sons’ before he dies, placing the two of them more or less on equal positions for the first time ever. (I know there can be good arguments made, but just let’s assume it’s possition zero they start at.)

Pretty soon both end up on Sakarr, Thor in prison, Loki in the Grandmasters favors. Loki visits Thor in prison, suggesting teaming up, even though it endangers his position (the Grandmaster could hear about it, Thor would probably claim the higher position etc.) At that moment Thor doesn’t have anything to offer. Yet, he stonewalls, blaming Loki for all bad that happened. (For a much more detailed spot -on analysis please read this post where @i-dreamed-i-had-a-son even correctly predicted Loki’s death).

The whole dynamic in the prison is Thor falling back into the old family dynamic. Only that Odin is dead now, and the position of the prime narcisst is open. Now, narcissm is often correlated with abusive behavior, as written in ‘why does he do that? - inside they mind of angry and controlling men’ by Lundy Bancroft. In another post I found many of the things she describes can be observed in Thor’s actions in Thor Ragnarok.

But let’s get finally come to the elevator scene which is the heart piece of my explanation. Remember – Loki is at this point starved for any affirmation or positive reaction by his family. After Thor rejected Loki’s plan, he accepted Loki joining his plan. Thor lures Loki by claiming they should talk right before they enter the elevator. For a starving person this is huge temptation. But Loki did live with his family for eons and is certainly aware of it being a trap.

Right from his first appearance in Thor 1 (before the coronation) we learn that Loki never lowers his guard when it comes to admitting feelings. In that scene he said he loved Thor but directly glossed it over with a joke. After all what happened in Thor 1, Avengers and TDW Loki would never let himself appear weak by outright asking if Thor does still hold any positive feelings mg a for him. So he uses reverse psychology (claiming something against your own wishes, hoping the other disagrees and thereby affirms you.)

LOKI: Here's the thing. I'm probably better off staying here on Sakaar.

The problem with reverse psychology is when the other person agrees with it, it hits you right where it hurts the most.

THOR: That's exactly what I was thinking.

LOKI: ...Did you just agree with me?

THOR: This place is perfect for you. It's savage, chaotic, lawless. Brother,you're going to do GREAT here.

Thor follows up by insulting Loki and pushing him away hard. Why? Because he knows Loki has nobody else to turn to. Even after TDW Loki returned to Asgard. For one part because he’s still loyal but certainly also for the lack of alternatives. And Asgard will always include Thor. Thor knows Loki won’t be able to leave him.

LOKI: Do you truly think so little of me?

Loki is hurt, obviously and it’s very much visible on his face. To make sure no blame can be laid open him, Thor uses gaslighting.

THOR: Loki, I thought the world of you. I thought we were gonna fight side by side forever. But, at the end of the day, you're you, I'm me… I don't know, maybe there's still good in you, but let's be honest, our paths diverged a long time ago.

Loki is wounded by Thor's willingness to discard him. But he masks his feelings.

LOKI: It's probably for the best that we never see one another again.

Thor pats Loki on the shoulder, placing the obidience disk. And this action proves that the manipulation on Thor’s part was intentional. Why else would he have done it? (Everyone claiming ‘Loki betrayed Thor endless times, please read this meta). Thor knew that by pushing Loki away hard enough he would trigger a desperate act of reactive aggression. He did so to push Loki back into his place (which is beneath him, as far Thor is concerned). As soon that has happened Thor gives his little self righteous speech.

THOR: Oh brother, you're becoming predictable. I trust you, you betray me. Round and round in circles we go. See, Loki, life is about, it's about growth. It's about change.But you seem to just wanna stay the same. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you'll always be the God of Mischief, but you could be more.

Briefly summarized:

you suck, and I don’t think you’ll ever be worth my affection. If you want to try tho, here is your option.

Of course, to prove Thor wrong Loki is forced to resume his subservant position he had at the beginning of Thor 1. He can only ‘prove his worth’ by doing Thor’s bidding and supporting his plans. And that he does. He convinces kork and his crew to join him and brings them to Asgard where he receives his reward by Thor acknowledging him in a not-aggressive way. He even fulfills Thor’s plan, knowing that henceforth he will be blamed whenever someone remembers Asgard’s destruction. In Thor’s ‘coronation scene’ Loki stands at the side, behind the Valkyrie (yet, still at the right side. That surprised me, tbh. The ‘right hand of the King’ is a prestigious title and I didn’t believe TW would have allowed Loki that. But he’s still only second on Thor’s right.)

Anyway, Loki is back in the position he had in Thor 1 with a lot of added baggage and no Frigga to rant to when everything gets to bad. And then Thanos appears. Under Thanos Loki would suffer even more than under Thor (remember the Other’s ‘no barren moon..’ speach.) So basically he’s caught between two horrible fates.

Loki’s death scene itself has been criticized a lot and everyone knows the butterknive-discourse. It can only interpreted in two ways: either him being stupid or him being suicidal. Based on all written above and the fact that he already tried to commit suicide at the end of Thor 1, I can only believe the second to be true.

It has another point: Tom said Loki’s arc was finished. I was confused and unhappy about this statement, but now I am coming to piece with it. Tom loves Shakespeare, including Hamlet and Coriolanus. Those are tragedies. Tragedies are characterized by the protagonist being ruined because of a dramatic conflict that leaves him only two choices, one being death and one being worse. So perhaps this is his very own version of the tragedy of Loki of Asgard.

#Loki meta #long post #meins #MCU loki #anti thor ragnarok #anti taika waititi

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marauders-unite · 4 years

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Don´t be such a boy | part I

Summary: Sirius was sending so many mixed signals. One day he´ll be laying in your lap under a tree on a sunny day. You´d be playing with his hair and sharing life stories. Next day he would tell you he didn't want to give you false hope and he didn't want a relationship. Then the day after he´d have you pinned against the prefect bathroom door kissing you all over. Everyone is talking about how girls are supposed to be complicated but this boy was really all over the place.

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader

Warnings: Fluff and mentions of smut

Words: 1938

A/N: Inspired by the song Such a boy by Astrid S. I have loved this song for so long and listening to it I can just imagine this story unfolding in my head. For once it´s not the girl being crazy, it´s the guy. There will be multiple parts to this story so stay tuned xoxo

Masterlist | Requests are OPEN

“Mind if I join you?” You looked up from your spot under the tree. A handsome boy with brown hair was leaning against the trunk. It was Sirius. Sirius Black. You were both in your sixth year at Hogwarts. You and him had been flirting for a while. Nothing had happened yet though. Perhaps it was because you hadn't really been much alone together. He was always with his friends or you´d meet in classes or between them in the hallways. You´d met often because of your good friendship with Lily and Remus. You couldn't deny your attraction to him. Then again neither could the rest of the girls at the school.

“No, go ahead.” you told him with a smile. His shoulder brushing against yours. “Wonderful day isn´t it?” he asked with a childlike smile on his lips. You closed the book you were reading and put it next to you. You looked out towards the lake. “It really is.” you answered calmly. Taking in the beautiful day as you sat there next to him. “So how´ve you been? How was your summer?” This was the first time you´d really spent alone with Sirius. He was just as funny as usual, maybe even more flirtatious. After an hour or more of sharing your summers and catching up you looked at each other. He brought his hand to your face and tucked a stray hair behind your your ear and left his hand resting on your cheek then leaned forward. The tension between the two of you building. You eyes looked to his then his lip. Meeting him half you felt your lips on his. It was at first soft and delicate. Then turning deep and passionate. You knew his track record, he had been around. Then again you looked at it like this. Many people might have claimed Mount Everest but the experience is still breathtaking. And you wanted to see the view. As he pulled away he looked at you and smiled then a little more serious he said “Just so we´re clear I´m not looking for a relationship”. You just smiled at him and met his eyes. “I´m okay with that, but then we should probably not make this sitting alone together under a tree together a habit. It´s kind of a couple thing to do.” you told him half mocking him. And you meant it. You wanted either something casual or the real thing. Nothing in between so you were glad when he sat the record straight. He gave a little laugh and looked down before meeting your eyes again. “We could certainly arrange for some other activities” he told you with a low voice and biting his lower lip. You leant forwards and put your mouth close to his ear. “I look forward to it.” you said in a low sultry whisper. As you leant back you gave him one last deep kiss. Then just as he started to kiss you back you pulled back quickly picked up your book and walked away not looking back. Leaving the boy under the tree. He watched as you walked away. God she´s good he taught.

The next day you found Sirius sending you longing glances throughout the day though you did not talk. You were determinant to not make the first move. As you sat with Lily in the library that evening she noticed how Sirius kept looking at you from over at the boys table. Located on the other side of the room. “Okay what is up with Sirius? He keeps looking over here at you.” she asked leaning closer to you. You looked at her with a slight smirk. “We might have kissed the other day.” you told her with a smile. She hit you playfully with the scroll she had in her hand. “y/n! have you completely lost your head over the summer?” She tried to be serious but you could see her smile. “You know me. I´m always up for new experiences.” You told her giving her a mischievous wink. “But it´s Sirius, you know what he´s like. He´ll never commit to anyone” “And I´m not asking him to! He´ll get to have his fun and I´ll get to have mine! it´s a win win. You know I still have a slight thing going on with William. You know the guy in the seventh year. He plays with James on the quidditch team as one of the chasers.” It was true. Will had showed interest before the end of last term and the two of you had been corresponding over the summer. He handsome and nice enough. She looked at you with a slight concern. “Okay y/n I hope you know what you are doing.”

You were on you way back from library alone, because James had manage to make lily agree to help him with the last of his homework. As you walked through the empty hallways you heard someone from behind. “Hey, wait up.” You turned to see Sirius coming towards you in a slight jog. “Come with me.” He told you with a smirk then before you could protest he grabbed your arm pulling you with him. After a few minutes you arrived at the prefects bathroom. You looked at him curiously. “Remus not able to keep things from you and James I presume?” you asked raising an eyebrow. “Well what kind of a friend would he be if he kept this from us?” he said gesturing to the big room. It really was an amazing bathroom. You walked close to him so there was only a few inches left between you. “This were you take every girl?” “Only the special ones.” He really was smooth. You could see how he easily had the girls wrapped around his fingers. You stood there for a second memorizing his handsome face, getting lost in those grey eyes of his. Sirius lit a spark in you that you didn't know you had. Being with him alone like this gave you an excitement like no other. He looked back at you with the same admiration and then he kissed you, pushing you against the wall. The kisses were hungry and desperate. He had waited for this moment for so long. You both starting to undress, hands roaming all over his toned muscles. He bent slightly down, hand moved to the back of your thighs. Taking the hint you jumped up and carried you to the bath. Your lips not leaving his.

You lay there in the bath for a while after. Him holding around you while you rested your head on his chest, admiring the glass mural of the of the mermaid. He usually didn't cuddle after but your presence gave him a sense of calm. He just wanted to stay in this moment forever. You were the one to speak first. “We should probably get back soon” You said softly. Not really wanting to go but you felt you couldn't stay like this for longer. You hadn’t excepted it. But you really enjoyed Sirius company. Not just the sex, but him. “Mhm” he murmured with a low voice while starting to play with your hair. After laying there a little longer you manage to make yourself get up, much to Sirius dismay. He continued to sit in the bath as you walked to your clothes which was spread around the floor. He took you in, memorizing the curves of your body. You were to him utterly perfection. When you had gotten yourself fully dressed you walked over to where Sirius were and sat on the side of the bath. You leaned down and lifted his chin with your hand and kissed him gently. When you sat up straight again and looked at him. “I know I don’t really have to ask but this stays between us right?” You asked just to make sure you knew what this was. Set the record straight. Miscommunication was always what led to drama. A little taken aback by this Sirius shook his head then nodded. “No, I mean of course. It stays between us.» he was a little hurt by this though didn’t want to show it. He know he said he didn’t want anything serious and he wanted to believe that, but you were just so different. A good different. He felt at ease with you. He’d never felt like that with anyone else. Then you left saying good night and leaving him alone with his thoughts.

The day after you were talking to lily, remus and Peter out in the courtyard, soon also joined by James, Sirius and Peter. “You won´t believe what we just did” James told the group slightly out of breath and shared a childlike gleam with Sirius. As they told us their latest mischief you felt a hand grab around your waist and turned to see Will smiling at you with that dashingly handsome smile. "Hello there beautiful” He said letting go of your waist and taking your hand giving it a kiss. You playfully pushed him a little. “Gosh you´re so cheesy.” you said with a little laugh. As you turned back to the group with William now at your side you noticed Sirius giving you a scowl. You ignored it but it stuck in your head. What was his problem?

The rest of the day Sirius kept snapping at you. Cutting you off when you talked and not meeting your eyes. If he did he didn't´t look happy. Enduring a whole day with this ridiculous beveiour you couldn´t take it anymore. That evening you saw him on his way back to the common room with his friends. You stood up and told Lily you´d be back soon and followed them out of the library. As you caught up you grabbed Sirius´s hand and dragged him with you despite his protests. You told the guys you´d bring him back soon just needed to talk to him for a second as you walked away. You opened an door to an empty classroom and gestured for him to get in. Thank god Flitwick always forgot to lock his classroom. “Why are you so upset with me?” You asked loudly as the door shut behind you. “I´m not” He said firmly standing with his arms crossed. He looked like a little boy forced to be somewhere he didn't want to be. “Oh so snapping at everything I say and scowling at me the whole day is just the new normal for you?” You asked getting more and more annoyed at him for pretending nothing was bothering him when it clearly was. After a few seconds of no response he finally answered. “I just don´t like you talking to William okay?” He said not meeting your eyes. You could see he was straining himself to not raise his voice at you. “Why?” you asked simply looking at him confused. How was who you were talking to none of his business. “I just don´t like it” He told you now looking down. “Sirius you said it loud and clear you didn't want a relationship so I don´t think you have any right to tell me who I can and cannot talk to. And you certainly don´t have the right to be angry with me for who I decide to engage with.” You told him now feeling angry at how he taught he could tell you what to do. He looked at you, looking like he wanted to say something then he just turned muttering and fine and walked away. Leaving you more confused than ever.

#Sirius Black #sirius black imagine #sirius black x reader #Sirius black fanfiction #sirius black x y/n #Harry Potter #harry potter fanfiction #hp #hp imagine #harry potter imagine #hp fanfiction #marauders imagine #marauders #marauders era #Remus Lupin #James Sirius Potter #peter petigrew

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the-enamorando-deity · 4 years

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Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love For You by George Benson, Natasha x Reader But in Natasha POV

this was definitely the most interesting submission I’ve gotten! I hope this is what you were looking for :) I used the first few lines of the song for the basis of the story

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love For You

If I had to live my life without you near me

The days would all be empty

The nights would seem so long

With you I see forever, oh, so clearly

I might have been in love before

But it never felt this strong

You might be known as the fearsome Black Widow, renowned assassin/worldwide hero and one of the six founding Avengers, but you would do anything for your girlfriend. She had her own reputation, and yes she could hold her own, but you would commit atrocities in every country in the world if she so much as hinted at it.

You would catch yourself staring at her, usually when she was stuffing her face in the kitchen, or when she was doing her hair in the bathroom and you would peek around the corner. She always caught your reflection and grinned at you, more often than not pulling a face to make you laugh.

Steve often came to you, asking if you wanted to go on the next mission together again. It was something you had both agreed to, along with swearing you wouldn’t get in the other’s way by being overprotective or ridiculously overbearing, (your words, not hers). He usually went along with it, but sometimes you saw his hesitation.

The harder missions often made him question your ability to compartmentalise, but you promised to uphold his stupid values and morals, and in turn, you would overlook him doing the same thing for Bucky and Sam.

‘Fine,’ he sighed, as usual regarding you as his counsel.

Your approval was the first he sought in every situation, getting to the point where he started doing it for the most meaningless tasks. You, of course encouraged by your mischief making girlfriend and best friend, tended to lead him to idiotic decisions like agreeing to do the dishes for Y/N whenever she was tired, or roping him into supermarket shopping when it was Clint’s turn.

Maybe you abused the power, but you knew he would trust your judgement when it was necessary. That was unfortunately quiet a lot recently, your missions becoming more frequent and strenuous. Being Captain America’s right hand was a hard job, but your reward was seeing everyone you cared about (mostly Y/N) fighting and doing their part.

Your decisions had never backfired. The one Steve ignored was when he asked you to put Y/N on your team for the next mission, but you knew it wasn’t in her field of expertise, and it wasn’t the right kind of mission. Something felt wrong, but he insisted the Fury and Hill recommended her for the job.

It was thirty minutes until evac, and the three of you were cornered in the Snowy Mountains, pinned down, a third of you unconscious, another third bleeding out, and you the only one left majorly unscathed.

You held your own fair share of wounds, none of which you tried to tend to as Steve lay as unconscious as he was when he was frozen, and Y/N losing more blood than you knew was safe. Panicking, freezing to death, no reception, everything was bleak, and you cursed Steve for not listening to you.

You were sure he felt bad enough on his own, but you were bored out of your mind as Y/N slipped in and out of consciousness, all of you awaiting the evac to notice your lack of arrival and come searching.

It was a mystery how the strange black markings resembling curse words in every language you knew covered what showed of Steve’s skin, especially since the only person who was allowed sharpie out of the whole team was you.

Steve would later remove that privilege, but until then, you tried to keep the cave you’d dragged them both to as dry and shut off as you could. The mission had been a success until Steve got a little too cocky with his shield, throwing it and missing by a quarter inch, setting off your carefully placed bomb three minutes early.

You were all captured in the blast, but you were the closest to a pillar, barely getting behind it in time to avoid a spear of split metal shooting past your head and severing some of your hair.

The trail you’d left to the cave was decipherable by SHIELD equipment only, not that AIM could possess the actual brainpower to solve any puzzle created by a madman such as Clint Barton. The code was embarrassingly easy, almost childlike, and in it’s simplicity it was completely unreadable to anyone but you and Clint.

SHIELD had made an entire system to decode it, but the only person other than you that could even use the program was Clint. He was so worried when you vanished from the face of the earth, on purpose or not, but you always let him know somehow. He would spend hours poring over footage, anything to make sure you were safe.

At least Steve had the insight to attach him to the emergency rescue team, even though he would have been just as good at what he’d sent your girlfriend to do instead. You knew she and Clint had a war going on with their similar skills, each more proficient in specific areas, but with their own spunk.

Clint loved caveman weaponry, whereas Y/N just really loved blowing shit up. Tony had taken her on as a protege in blowing shit up, but everyone decided you and Steve were probably better equipped, that or Tony was still mad she tried to blow up DUM-E and eight of his suits, almost succeeding.

You held her close as her blood spread across the stone and snow, shaking and clinging to life, if not for you, then for spite. You mumbled softly into her hair, knowing she could barely hold onto consciousness as it was, but praying to gods you’d never known to save her.

When the cold hit you, your trio was left to the ability of Clint to save your lives. While he loved you and Steve and Y/N, the panic started to set in as the snow fell, obscuring the clues that led to your hiding place, and your chances of survival in the long night dwindled.

You didn’t want to close your eyes until you heard someone, anyone, you didn’t even care if it was AIM at this point. Clint would find you all eventually, whether it be dead or alive. Your eyes flickered shut, the cold taking over the last part of your body that held on to any hope. You were alone, no idea if help was ever coming, but you were with her, and that was all you ever needed.

@marvelfansince08love @mymarvelwomen @imnotasuperhero

#asks #anon #songfic #request complete #natasha x reader #nat x reader #natasha romanoff #black widow #natasha pov #oops #fanfiction #marvel #avengers

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spell406 · 5 years

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So, a friend of mine basically forced me to watch at least one episode of Netflix Castlevania.

(Disc - I am new to tumblr and had a little problems with posting this thing correctly. Sorry for spam)

So I watched one. And then another. And another… When I finished it was 3 a.m., my eyes were burned out, my brain fried, and my soul forever forfeited, but whatever, who need it anyway.

I am new to the universe, and I know that I am something like 10 months late to the review party, so instead I decided to just share a bunch of thoughts of mine. [UPDATE – Because I am extremely heavy procrastinator and it took me almost two weeks to write this thing I am already at 50% of SoTN right now I’ve finished SoTN by now]

First of all – Castlevania looks like anime, but shares almost nothing common with it. It was a relief, to be honest, as I was a little afraid of show being just another shounen with specific set of clichés and similarities that might quite not bad (or even enjoyable), but I’ve seen them too many times before – better or worse executed – to watch without a mild nausea another Bleach/Naruto in a darker scenario.

I would never demand a fantasy world to be realistic. Like, who would do, fantasy world is supposed to be… fantasy, right? I am fine with lack of realism but I can’t say the same about lack of common sense, and there is a matter of logic that I personally find quite funny. When you are about to fight in close quarters with someone, with both of you lives on stake you’ll want to use every possible advantage. In general there are two kinds of battle armors – first one is focused on providing maximum protection (like typical medieval plate armor) and second one designed to grant freedom of movement especially critical in usually legwork-heavy duels. And here are our “battle” priests in gowns. Gowns, that manage to provide neither aforementioned advantage and downsides of both. Heh. It just bothers me too much, honestly.

I really love the flow of narration; the way that every character including antagonists has its own set of motives and reasons, even Carmilla has her own background that is convicting to justify her bitchery (Well, she has seen it before, right? And Dracula wasn’t even trying to hide his apathy, so why would she like to watch as dead man wages his hollow war)(Is it only me or Dracula shows typical signs of severe depression? Apathy, lack of strength to take any decision, not taking care of himself, loss of interest – even in his own war – well, to be honest he has a good reason to do so).

Animations. Ah, that one is unquestionably excellent, although you Powerhouse Animation guys could have make use of an additional 4-5 fps – from time to time I had a feeling that there is a cat sitting on my keyboard’s space bar, pausing and starting show over and over - it happened something like two or three times. If it comes to favorite scenes – for me, it would be first meeting and fight between Trevor and Alucard. The dialogue and music is so good at reflecting rising pressure and tension between those two – let put oneself in Trevor’s boots – just day before he was rather concerned about getting some food/drink and move on and now he is standing against something that he now considers to be last boss of his life, or perhaps not, he doesn’t even know how does Dracula looks like and he doesn’t seem to be openly aggressive, or perhaps yes, he is obviously vampire and he seems to doesn’t like Belmont name, on the other hand even lesser vampire might be not so easy foe and he is kinda out of practice, and Sypha doesn’t feel like helping out, at least for now… It is all just perfect, and the sound track alone is stuff of legends. (Season 2 OST on Spotify WHEN??”)

Second best would be first phase of Dracula fight – the way which they are team working fluently to not let eachother get killed pleases my inner maniac in best possible way, although the 1 vs 1 part is kinda downgrade - but still ok.

But there is one thing that really stands out in best possible way from things I’ve seen before and that’s utilization of facial expression and body language. Like seriously, this combined with really outstanding voice acting bring interactions between characters to another damned level. (Unfortunately, national translation and voice acting is so awful that I couldn’t bear myself to finish even first season). There are few thing I consider more important in creating credible character than combining overall expressiveness and voice acting, the ability to tell words without actually using any (Finding Ciri cinematic in Witcher 3 is perhaps best known to me example) - and Castlevania does it just soooo good.

Dracula generals. When they were shown for the first time I was like “oh boy he has summoned generals, (Generals! Master tactician, the artists of war!) the oldest, most cunning and powerful beasts from entire world, now things are going to get rough.” And how did it turned out? I can understand that Dracula tasked his forge masters with overseeing the war (Although his reasoning was kind of ok, good job Dracula for nominating for executives two people, that knew least about proceeding war) Did they were incompetent so much? Then how did they managed to get their titles, if they were just a bunch of endlessly whining mischief-makers? They were supposed to know how war looks like, and how to do one, but instead they did literally nothing for war effort! If you ask me, that is at least one risen eyebrow. Excluding Godbrand, the only member of council that did anything more than grate his teeth in silent anger, killed some civilians and got taken care of quite effortlessly. Also, Godbrand wasn’t made to be the sharpest knife in a closet, but he still was bright enough to ask himself “What will we do when we’ll win a war?” Also, he managed to notice that there were no real plan to follow... That is +1 to you Godbrand, I’ll miss you my vikingy boi. In the end, if they were meant to be just a background, they did get a little too much of screen time, and if they were not, they got faaaaaar from enough of it.

By the way – not sure if it’s only me but I personally think that Trevor might be keenest (or – at least – not dumbest) of protagonist trio. He might lack classic education, but he is careful watcher (he noticed fresh oil in torch and overall state of Alucard’s hideout), he correctly chosen and quite successfully executed strategy at Gresit square (isolate, divide and destroy) and quite steadfastly shrugged off Alucard bickering (well, most of times). Also, his plan for battle with vampire generals was quite logical – avoid close quarter cause humans are in general more fragile than vampires, and Alucard as frontline. My inner maniac was most pleased.

As I said before, I really enjoy Castlevania’s overall character design but with an exception of bishop of Gresit. There is no reason for his work, I know that he is insane and reasoning usually does not apply to those like him but I feel like there is no reason in villainy (this entire talking about making a God’s own country – well, I don’t buy it), aside of being genuinely baaaaad, which kinda stands out in negative way in comparison to the rest of characters.

To highlight the issue, lets do some roleplaying here:

The night creatures are ravaging the land that you had sworn to protect in unholy war against humanity, killing women, men even your subordinates alike. The citizens are growing restless, and demand taking an action. How do you proceed?

a) Find the last descendant of family known for their prowess in fighting those beasts; but be wary – he doesn’t seem to like you very much after you branded him as heretic, exterminated his entire family and burned down his home (probably with some of aforementioned family still inside it). However, if you nicely ask for help, reverse the curse, apology for making mistake and return the estate it actually might work. (to be honest that could be quite interesting moral choice for Trevor, to help people of Wallachia and let bishop take all glory or decline the bishop proposition and screw people over in the process)

b) You can fight them, you are the Holy Church after all. You have access to unlimited supply of holy water, relics, you have enough money and authority to arm and train people’s militia properly. Your knowledge of those beasts might be as wide as Belmont family, but at least should be sufficient to minimalize the damage. Killing the Dracula, however, might be impossible for you.

c) You spent most of your time on biting, trashing, or looking for anyone to cast entire blame upon; it doesn’t matter who is that poor bastard as long as it is not you. In addition, you…

AAAAARGH I CAN’T CONTAIN MYSELF ANY LONGER! BROTHER, I DON’T FEEL LIKE I AM WICKED ENOUGH! I REQUIRE TO SEE SOME SUFFERING OF INNOCENT TO FEAST UPON! WHAT DO YOU SAY, BROTHER? I CANT HEAR YOU OVER RAGE BOILING IN MY VEINS! WHAT, SPEAKERS? OF COURSE THEY WILL DO RAAAAAARRGARGAJGIOGJIHKBYIUOL

Oh well.

Well, looks like I am done here. By the way, sorry for my English, I am not a native speaker (If I’ve commited any spectacular crime against vocabulary/grammar let me know on priv).

Now I’m going back to rewatching show and torturing SoTN

No TL:DR, just read it if you want, it is not an entire book, you know.

#castlevania #trevor belmont #sypha belnades #alucard

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mercedesnameinlights-blog · 6 years

Text

Para: Samcedes Thanksgiving

Who: Mercedes and Sam

When: Afternoon, 23 Nov 2017

Where: Granny Truitt’s Farm, Hohenwald, TN

What: Thanksgiving with the Truitt’s

The hour and a half drive to Sam’s grandmother’s house was filled with singing and chatter as Sam caught Mercedes up on life at his job and her about school and work, and all of the crazy things she and Santana seemed to get up to. His feelings about her aside, Sam was genuinely happy that she seemed to have bounced back completely from almost getting married just a few short months ago, and that things seemed to be on an upswing otherwise for her. Her happiness had always been the priority over his own feelings for her, and that hadn’t changed in the last few years. If anything, it just reaffirmed his commitment to being the very best friend to her that he could be.

Mercedes loved hearing about Sam’s work and all the things he and his team had to do for clients. Sometimes they asked for some of the most ridiculous things to be put on their websites. As they talked about school, she mentioned the senior project she had done with her friend Todd, who was a musical theater major. She promised him that she would give him a sneak peak of it once they got back home later. Home. Mercedes needed to get her mind right and remember that Tennessee and Sam’s apartment were not home. No matter how much it felt like it, and no matter how much she found herself wanting it to be true. She was about to meet some of his family and she needed to make a great impression as his best friend.

They drove up the long drive of Sam’s grandmother’s 10-acre farm and parked among one of the many cars always parked outside. Kids came running from around the back of the house, sporting their Sunday best as they chased each other loudly before stopping to look and see who’s arrived. Once they realized who it was, they all came rushing over, throwing their arms eagerly around Sam with excited greetings and questions.

Mercedes just looked at the vast acreage with wide eyes like a kid. It was beautiful land, and the trees that still had leaves were full of red and gold colors. When she saw Sam get swarmed by a team of kids she couldn’t keep herself from giggling at how cute it was, it reminded her of the way the twins would always greet him when he came home from school. She made sure she was dressed church appropriate, opting for a simple teal colored dress that complimented her full figure. She was wearing her hair natural (because Sam would sweat out any other style she wore except braids), so her curls were on full display. She let Sam introduce her and made sure she greeted each child by name once they gave it, so she would remember.

Sam made sure to take a moment to chat with his younger cousins before they were off again. They’d given Mercedes a few shy replies when he introduced her, but then they were gone, leaving Sam to shake his head before he led the way to his grandmother’s front door. The moment he opened the door, the delicious smell of his grandmother’s home cooking wafting as they walked in. “Granny, your favorite grandson is here,” he called out.

The closer they got to the front door, the more nervous Mercedes felt. She shook her head in amusement however at Sam’s words as they entered the house. “Just wait until I tell Stevie you said that,” she joked softly. She was not surprised at the immediate aroma of good food that hit her senses, and contrary to her big brother’s foolishness, she knew Granny Truitt had major cooking skills. Mrs. Evans was as amazing in the kitchen as her own mom, and she knew a lot of those recipes had been passed down through family. She could hear the football game playing nearby, as well as the distinct sound of a busy kitchen.

The sounds of his uncles and cousins cheering and jeering at the game on in the other room drew Sam’s attention and he stopped when his mom’s oldest brother came out of the family room. “Well, well, look what the cat dragged in,” his Uncle Vernon drawled, a huge smirk on his face as he eyed up Mercedes. “And he brought a lady friend. Look at this, boys,” he said, glancing over his shoulder.

The next to make an appearance was Sam’s uncle, Rhett. “Hi there, welcome. Sammy didn’t tell us that the friend he was bringing along was a lady. Must be special. I’m his Uncle Rhett, and this here is Uncle Vern. It’s nice to meet you…” His blue eyes turned to Sam expectantly.

Welp, Sam thought. He should’ve known that his uncles would be in rare form. He shook his head. “This is Mercedes...Mercedes, these are my mom’s brothers, Uncle Vern and Uncle Rhett.”

“Oh...this is the famous Mercedes. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you,” Vernon said, holding out his hand for her to shake.

Rhett offered her his hand next. “All this time we figured that he’d made you up when he moved to Ohio. “ He was joking because, of course, they’d all seen pictures of her and heard stories from his parents and siblings, but Sam had never brought her home before and now they figured that meant things were finally official.

“Hi, nice to meet you both,” she said as she shook each uncle’s hand. She could already tell this was going to be an interesting evening and that Mrs. Evans was going to get all kinds of calls and texts from the family. She also could start to see the hints of family traits that were running through the family as well. Truitts had some mighty fine genes from what she had seen so far. And even though she knew that he may have mentioned her before, it had been forever ago! At least since they would’ve really heard about her from him. It was kinda cute how Vernon said it like she was a big deal. She looked over at Sam discreetly, wondering if he was thinking this was a colossal mistake.

By now, his cousins had started to gather around, and Sam almost rolled his eyes. He hadn’t expected them to remember Mercedes at all. It had been years. So a part of him suspected that his mom may have let it slip or one of his siblings. Which was just peachy. Not. Though he had known that people might make assumptions since he’d brought her along to meet the family. It was just that now they wouldn’t believe him when he said that they were just friends. He took the time to introduce her to the other cousins, ignoring his uncles’ constant poking. “Come on, ‘Cedes, let’s go find my granny,” he said, ushering her away towards the kitchen.

She waved politely at the posse of relatives, her nerves coming back tenfold now that they were off to find the matriarch. She knew it was silly to be this worked up, especially since she and Sam were just very close friends, but she knew how much he loved his granny, and she wanted her to know that she loved her grandson, as a friend of course, very much. “Your uncles are hilarious,” she said softly as they made their way towards the kitchen. “I bet they gave your dad hell for his first few visits.”

“Still do. My mom said she never had to fear bringing anyone home to her daddy. It was her big brothers that were likely to threaten the guy within an inch of his life,” Sam replied with a laugh. He walked into the kitchen, spotting his grandmother, Aunt Patty, and his cousin, Connie, working on dinner. “Well, Granny, your favorite has finally arrived,” he announced with a grin.

Turning, Ruby Truitt let out a happy scream and rushed over to her grandson, throwing her arms around him. She had a close relationship with all of her grandchildren, but she and Sam had always had a special kind of bond. She squeezed him tightly and kissed all over his face until he was squirming away and made her laugh. “You know I have to give you a kiss for every month I don’t see ya. I still owe you five.”

Sam hugged his aunt and cousin and then turned to Mercedes. “Everyone, this is Mercedes. Mercedes, this is my Granny, my Aunt Patty, she’s married to Uncle Rhett. And this is my cousin, Connie. She’s married to Brady. Uncle Vern is her dad.”

“But don’t hold either one against me,” Connie teased.

Walking around the counter, Ruby approached Mercedes. “It’s great to finally meet you, Mercedes.” She hugged the young woman to her. “You can call me Granny or Miss Ruby.”

Mercedes had to cover her mouth to keep her giggles in check when she saw Granny Truitt love up on her grandbaby. It was the most adorable sight. He looked more like one of the little kids running around outside than a grown man for those few moments. She greeted his aunt and cousin, a soft laugh coming out at Connie’s words. She wondered if Uncle Vern put the fear of everything in Brady when they started dating.

“Oh my goodness, you too,” she smiled brightly as she hugged the older woman back. “I’ve heard stories about you for quite awhile now. And yes, they were all good, especially when they involved your legendary cooking. Although, he always seems to leave out the ones where he probably got in trouble for stuff.” She could only imagine the kind of mischief little Sam probably got into. “Thank you so much for letting me come visit and spend Thanksgiving with y’all.” Hanging around Sam had caused her to pick up certain words and use them. She wasn’t as twangy as Sam could get at times, but it was obvious that some of her words had started to get a bit of an accent to them.

She let out a hearty chuckle. “Oh honey, do I have some tales to tell about that one over there. After dinner I’ll get out the photo albums. It isn’t a proper Truitt Thanksgiving if someone isn’t getting just a bit embarrassed, and I think our Sammy is way overdue.” She gave her grandson a wink before she moved back around the counter. “Now we’ll be ready to eat in about fifteen or twenty minutes tops.” That meant it was time for parents to wrangle up the kids and get their hands washed and get them seated so they weren’t running under anyone as they brought the food to the table. “Sam, why don’t you give Mercedes a little tour and also make sure none of your cousins are upstairs.”

Sam had to bite back his groan, knowing his granny would have his backside if he didn’t. He’d never brought a love interest home to meet his family. So he had actually escaped the baby picture embarrassment. There was no way anyone was gonna let him live it down either. So he nodded for Mercedes to follow him and started on his was to show her around.

——

The Truitt Thanksgiving meal was a spread worthy of Bon Appetit magazine it looked so good, and it tasted even better. After Uncle Rhett said grace, the turkey was carved and the plates began getting prepared. As the sides and bread began to pass around, the talking picked up. Kerrianne wanted to know all about New York, so she and Mercedes fell into an easy conversation about the pros and cons of living there. The fact that Mercedes told her Tennessee was way safer and just an all around better place in comparison did not miss Granny Truitt’s ears.

The nerves that had been eating at Mercedes all morning had faded away for the most part. Everyone was so nice, and there were some hilarious people in this family on top of it. And the best part of it all, at least in her opinion, was watching Sam interact with his family. There was an ease and almost childlike demeanor to him when he joked with his cousins or playfully got into it with his uncles on who was the best quarterback playing. She’d catch herself every now and then just smiling at how happy he was in this environment.

What she was also grateful for was that no one questioned their relationship as being anything other than friends. She knew that some were wondering, but they never brought it up, which she appreciated greatly. Once bellies were full, the table was cleared and the family dispersed to different areas of the house. Some to the den to resume football watching, others went outside to enjoy the back deck or go play out in the yard. For some unknown reason, baby Mason had taken to Mercedes and she was currently holding him as Granny Truitt showed her old pictures of Sam. There was one of him buck naked except for a pair of cowboy boots and a cowboy hat, running out the front door. He couldn’t have been more than two. Apparently he was going through an au naturale phase she told her. Mercedes couldn’t stop laughing, which made Mason laugh, and that only made her laugh even more. Tears were in her eyes and was glorious.

“You’re pretty good with the little ones,” Ruby smiled. “Sam is too. He could get the twins to sleep even when I wanted to pull out my hair. Twins run in our family too.” She liked Mercedes. She fit in with the family and all their antics, and she didn’t even bat an eye to help out with the cleaning, even though she didn’t have to. She also saw the way she looked at Sam when she thought no one was watching her. She wasn’t sure what the two of them were trying to prove, but they weren’t fooling her in the least bit.

Mercedes shifted Mason so he was laying against her, his head on her shoulder. He looked like he was getting tired so she was rubbing his little back. “I used to babysit a lot in high school, even help Sam with the twins at times.” She smiled, thinking back on those times fondly. “He’s an amazing big brother.”

“I agree. He can be a bit stubborn at times though, set in his ways when he makes up his mind about something. He gets that from his grandaddy. He’s still young so he hasn’t fully learned that bending a little isn’t a bad thing. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.” She smiled as she put away the photo album. “You two look at each other like no one else is in the room, did you know that?”

“No ma’am,” Mercedes replied softly, not sure if she was going to get a stern talking to or an interrogation about her intentions with Sam, but she hoped she wouldn’t be asked any questions, because lying to a grandmother to her face is probably an unwritten 11th commandment, separate from just the plain thou shall not bear false witness one.

Ruby chuckled, noticing the worried look on her face as she sat back down. “Oh hun, it’s not a bad thing as far as I’m concerned. I’m glad he has someone that cares about him that deeply. But y’all do need to talk about your feelings, because you’re not really fooling anyone with the whole friends thing. And I know I’m just being a meddling ol’ woman, but you make that sweet grandson of mine smile like you hung the moon just for him. And I’ve never seen anyone get all his corny jokes and think they’re funny too. So I’m not sure if the timing isn’t right or maybe something else is going on that’s keeping y’all from saying you’re together, but let’s just say I wouldn’t mind having you back for some more family gatherings.” She got up and gave Mercedes a wink. “Looks like Mason is passed right on out, I can go put him in the crib if you want.”

“That’s okay, Miss Ruby, I’ve got him,” Mercedes said softly. “Thank you for sharing those pictures and stories with me. And for the talk.” It meant a lot to her that she knew how much she cared about Sam without her having to say it. She made her way toward the room where Mason’s travel crib was set up so she could lay him down.

Sam had had his own talking to by his uncles and grandfather. He hadn’t stopped to examine too closely why he’d thought it would be a good idea to bring Mercedes to meet his family, but at the time, he’d just wanted her to meet them because she was important to him and so was his family. However, as his Grampa had pointed out, bringing someone to meet your family was the opposite of cooling things off, especially when it was so apparent to everyone else that he had feelings for Mercedes. So he hadn’t bothered to deny that part. He’d just pointed out that having feelings for someone didn’t mean that they should be together when their lives weren’t compatible. They’d argued with him about it, but no amount of counterpoints were going to make him think differently. So he’d excused himself and went in search of Mercedes, whom he’d found putting Mason down for a nap.

He stood in the doorway and just watched her with the baby, his love for her growing even stronger as he thought of what she’d one day be like with her own children. She’d always been so good with the twins. He had no doubt she’d excel at being a mother. It just really sucked that it wouldn’t be with him. He pushed the thoughts away and cleared his throat to announce his presence. “There you are. I came to see if you wanted to take a little walk with me before the sun sets and we get back on the road.”

She looked at the cute little boy as he slept, and it made her think about how much she wanted her own little family someday. How she wouldn’t mind having a house just outside of a big city, with land for kids to run and play and climb trees. But the problem is that she kept wanting Sam in that family, and she knew that wasn’t an option. Miss Ruby meant well, and as wonderful as her words had been, she knew where she stood with Sam. She was the ride or die bestie, and she’d probably end up in his wedding party with Blaine and Stevie. She turned her head when she heard him, smiling slightly. “Sure, let me turn on the baby monitor and we’ll go, okay?” She was glad he showed up before her brain went any further down the rabbit hole it was tumbling down. She turned on the monitor sitting on the nightstand and then followed him out the room.

He waited as she turned on the monitor then led the way down to the back door. He told his Aunt, Patty, that he was going to show Mercedes around the farm before the sunset then he headed out the door with Mercedes behind him. “I hope you tell your brother that I didn’t feed you unseasoned, nasty food,” he joked after the peaceful quiet of their walk had stretched between them.

Mercedes laughed, her head shaking slightly,”He is a fool for sending you that. But believe me, by the time I finish telling him about all the delicious food, he’s going to want to come down here and meet Miss Ruby.” It was so peaceful out here. She had always thought she was a city girl, and she did like the city, but there was something so relaxing and nice about being away from all the buzzing and lights.

“That was probably one of the nicer things he’s ever sent me, if I’m honest,” Sam replied with a chuckle. It was weird to think that, even though his relationship and friendship with Mercedes was completely separate, he’d managed to get close to her brother in the years where they’d lost touch. It probably had to do with the fact that, until recently, she was a subject they avoided altogether. Sam didn’t ask any questions, and Royce didn’t volunteer any information. Once he didn’t have to fall into the protective older brother role, the older guy and Sam had just kind of reached a natural flow in their friendship. It was really something Sam had come to cherish. And if things were different, and he could end up with Mercedes for the long run, having that bond with her brother would make it all the better. “If he came to visit, I think he’d never leave. Plus, I don’t trust him with any of the Truitt women. He’d probably end up trying to sweet talk one, then I’d have to be the protective family member, and I don’t reckon I’d like that kind of role reversal.”

She was happy that Sam and Royce had stayed really good friends all these years. That was a positive outcome of their mutual and amiable breakup, that friendships could remain intact and that there was no drama or bad blood between them. “I am not surprised at all. He has sent me some ridiculous stuff, and he tends to censor things with me like I’m still a teenager.” Which made her laugh softly. “He definitely can’t be trusted around the women in your family, that’s a given. I think Miss Ruby would get a kick out of him though.” She looked at him with a slightly worried look, mirth in her eyes. “Oh no, he’d probably get along with your uncles way too well. That could be dangerous.” It wasn’t lost on her that this was a talk that would happen if they were going to be together. Blending families and who would get along with the other. The impeccable battle of the grandmas that would happen via delicious baked goods. A massive flag football game with all the cousins. It was nice to think about, but she knew it was unrealistic and selfish to hope.

“Definitely, my Granny would love him, and I can’t have anyone else vying for the spot of her favorite. I already have a gajillion cousins doing that. Beau is the closest on account of him and my granddaddy having the same name, but she loves us all ‘equally’ as she likes to say, but I know I’m up there at the top because my mama’s the baby of the family, and she was spoiled to hear the other’s tell it.” He chuckled and shook his head. “Royce would mess that right on up with his good looks and his flirtin nature.” He wasn’t even aware that as he spoke, his southern accent had become even more pronounced. It tended to happen whenever he was around his family for a long time. It was even worse when he was with the other Evanses. “Stevie already looks up to him way too much for my likin. So, I don’t need anymore competition.” He gave her a little grin and led the way over to the stables. He missed getting to take care of the horses even if he didn’t miss having to wake up before the sun to do it. “But I think everyone took a shine to you today, not just little Mason. You didn’t show fear. That was good,” he teased, but he was happy she fit in so well. If they were different people in a different life, he’d probably be proposing right now.

“Stevie is trying to be a thot in training, and I’ve told Royce he needs to stop influencing him. However, I am thrilled that he has a girlfriend now, so he can stop trying to be my man.” She laughed and just shook her head as she remembered the last time she talked to Stevie. That boy was too much. “And don’t tell Royce he’s good looking, he will start posing and primping around like a dang peacock.” She followed behind him to the stables, marveling at the pretty horses that were there. “Your family is amazing, Sam. Everyone was so nice and welcoming. And I don’t know why Mason likes me so much, maybe it’s the boobs.” She teased. “And you’re right, Beau might come for your number one spot with Miss Ruby, better stay on your toes.” She could spend every night of her life like this, just walking and talking with him. It was so natural and easy, and she just felt happy. “Which horse is yours?” She asked.

Her comments about his little brother made him laugh. He wanted to be annoyed with Stevie, but all in all, he and Stacy were pretty great siblings. “Well, I’d be mad, but the boy has good taste in ladies. My mom said his girlfriend is from a good family and very polite and sweet.” He looked out into the distance for a moment then turned back to her. “I love my family. It was why I missed Tennessee so much when I moved to Lima. I mean, you...and the others helped, but I knew I had to come back.” He glanced at her for a long moment then looked at the stables again. “If you were here...and like Blaine, it would be the most perfect place. I keep trying to talk my parents into moving back, but they don’t wanna move the twins. I get that, but I still wish they would.” He paused when they got to the doors and opened. “I don’t have one that’s just mine, but I’m pretty fond of that little filly over there. Her name is Ruby-Jean. My grandpa took one look at her and said she was as beautiful as the first time he seen my Granny. So they named her Ruby-Jean. She’s really gentle and sweet, but she’d got a stubborn streak. Just like my Granny...and you.” He said the last bit with a sly grin before he went over to the aforementioned horse.

She couldn’t look away from him when he mentioned how perfect it would be if she and Blaine were here too. It felt like her heart had dropped and then slowly made its way back into her chest. That wonderful feeling of awesomeness before reality snatched the dream away. She couldn’t even entertain that idea for several reasons, one of them being she was going to be out of the country soon, and then graduating college, and who knew where she would be after that. Maybe another tour? Maybe she’d finally get signed? There were so many maybes in her life, and Sam did not like maybes. She was about to comment on how his grandpa Beau had to have mad game to get Miss Ruby, but then he had to throw in that last bit. “Wait. Me? Stubborn? Surely you’re joking.” She said as she put her hands on her hips. Yes, she knew she was stubborn, but she didn’t want him pointing it out!

Sam laughed loudly at how incredulous she was. “Yes, you. You are one of the most stubborn women I have ever met. It would actually be frustrating if you weren’t so dang nice and beautiful, and you know it. So you can wipe that surprised look off your gorgeous face and come meet the other stubborn filly in my life.” He whistled and called Ruby-Jean over to them, letting her nibble some of the oats he’d grabbed from nearby. “She’s a beauty isn’t she? She was born three summers ago. She’s nearly a full blown mare, but she’s still got a lot of filly in her.” He smiled and looked at Mercedes. “RJ, this here is MJ...no relation to the famous one,” he joked. “She’s gonna be famous one day and we’re gonna listen to her songs on the radio.”

He may not have known it, but her entire day was made by getting him to laugh like that. She rolled her eyes at him, but was smirking the entire time as she moved closer to meet Ruby-Jean. “She is gorgeous, Sam.” Her voice was soft as she gazed at the chestnut hued mare. She nudged him gently with her elbow, laughing at him. “The famous part isn’t really important, I just want to share my music with people. Also, we’re not stubborn women, we’re just determined and headstrong, right RJ?” She gave the horse a wink.

“I don’t know how anyone could hear you sing and not fall in love, Cedes. You have such an amazing gift, and it’s only gotten better with time,” he said sincerely. He could listen to her sing anything. He’d never met anyone as good as she was. “I just can’t believe a voice like that comes from anyone who isn’t like...some kind of weird half-angel/half-mythical creature hybrid.” He’d thought about making a graphic novel about a siren that bore a striking resemblance to Mercedes, but he just hadn’t gotten around to it. Maybe he should, though. It was the perfect storm for graphic novels that were more diverse.

She couldn’t say anything for almost a minute. She just stood there and looked at RJ, gently combing through her mane, until the burning from the tears that wanted to fall went away. “You know you hype me up way too much, right.” She finally whispered out. “You’re going to have me thinking I’m all that and Miss Ruby’s cornbread dressing when I go back to New York.” Which she had been repeatedly reminded over the last several years that she was not. Her voice wasn’t marketable enough on it’s own, she wasn’t what they were looking for, or the usual was check back after she lost 50 pounds. She wanted to be accepted as she was, and even though it wasn’t happening the way she wanted career wise, she knew her friends and family, the people that knew and loved her, they did. “Sounds like another character you can add to your king and queen from different kingdoms novel.” She loved the way Sam’s brain worked, his imagination and the way he could create some of the most beautiful characters and art she had ever seen.

Sam smiled when he looked at her again. “I’m saying it because it’s true! I know it takes a long time for some people to really get into the music business, but I know when it happens, it’s gonna be huge,” he said, jokingly mimicking Donald Trump’s favorite saying. “But seriously, what’s up with the people in New York? In Nashville, you’d be on your third album. I’m sure of it.” He paused a moment and wondered why, in all of this time, he’d never considered that she could get her break in Nashville. It was just really random that neither of them had ever mentioned the possibility. Now he was certain that that had more to do with the fact that neither of them had truly wanted to “make it work.” “Though, going on tour with PMJ is like hella impressive. So, someone must have ears.”

“When has anyone signed with a record label from Nashville and put out a soul or R & B album though? I could probably get signed with a gospel label, but I’m not really trying to be the next Yolanda Adams. I’ve got way too many songs that have nothing to do with praising the Lord.” She chuckled softly. “Even though y’all are getting more famous folks living here. Justin Timberlake. And did you know Jill Scott lives in Nashville?” She probably shouldn’t have shared that info, Sam loved him some Jill Scott. “But who knows really, the New York angle isn’t working at all. I am so lucky that the PMJ tour worked out, and I’m really hoping one of the songs Kelly put on the album gets radio play. Once I graduate, there isn’t much keeping me in New York. I feel that Santana is going to move to be closer to Finn once she’s done with this semester. Maybe not back to Lima, but there are some good schools that are close. I’m sure Puck isn’t going to care, he’ll probably be relieved.”

Sam’s brow furrowed. “I don’t know much about the music scene around here, but I know there are some R&B artists and like some other soul type music I hear a lot but don’t know the name for.” He scratched at his chin. “Yeah, I did know. I’ve resisted looking her up though. I wanna give her time to heal from her divorce then I’ll slide on in there like ‘hey, you ever think about dating a younger man?’ Think that’ll work?” he joked, shaking his head. “I’m sure that your shot’s coming. Next year is gonna be your year. Mark my words.” He didn’t like the idea of her being alone in New York, but he had no idea what she should do. “Blaine might be there next year. Then you’ll be in one place, and I can get some besties’ time in all at one time.”

“Boy if you do that, I need to have screen caps so I can see what she says. I mean, you a fine looking man, Jill might take you up on the offer.” She chuckled and then tilted her head, making a face. “So 2018 is going to be my year, huh? I’m going to hold you to it too. If it ends up sucking, I’m moving into your guest room on January 1, 2019.” She turned to look at RJ. “You have my permission to kick him in the butt if next year ends up being anything less than amazing, okay? Not too hard though, he doesn’t have a lot of padding back there.”

“I’ll show you if...she doesn’t turn me down.” He tilted his head back and laughed again. “No way am I gonna show you proof that she shot me down like a hurt deer needing to be put out of his misery.” He sobered a little and shook his head as he looked at her. “If I’m wrong, you can move in...rent-free.” He liked the idea of her living with him, and he knew that was just a terrible idea. “Hell, if you’re still in New York, and Santana does actually move, then you should just come be my roommate anyway. How fun would that be?”

“Aww, my poor Sammy. If she turns you down I promise I will tell her that she’s missing out on being with the most amazing man and it is her loss.” She raised her eyebrow, amused slightly. “One, you know I’d never stay with you rent free. Two, I think your neighbors would move out if I moved in,” she laughed, keeping the mood light, even though her heart was nearly doing somersaults and screaming ‘do it’ in her chest. Her brain, ever the buzzkill, was reminding her of all the reasons that would be a bad idea. She could only imagine how their parents would chew them out if they were living together but no ring or commitment on the table. “It would be fun though, we’d have the best Titans watch parties for away games. Ooh, I wonder if they’d let me sing the national anthem? Maybe we could get season tickets?”

“Maybe I should have you write me a letter of recommendation. You can tell her how funny and sexy I am, and how good I am at laying it down.” He paused and started doing body rolls as a demonstration. “Tell her about my sweet moves,” he joked with a laugh. “Nah, it’d be totally fine...especially if you can get us some season tickets.”

She just shook her head at him, doing her best to hide a giggle. “Okay now you’re asking me to do too much, sir.” She was grinning though, so he knew she was teasing. “I’ll let her know you have a thing for thick thighs, and that your public dance moves have nothing to do with your private skills.” She gave RJ a few more loving scratches around her face before she moved to see the sun as it started to lower into the horizon. Even though they were joking around, the idea of Sam being with someone else put a knot in her stomach. She thought back on the evening of girl talk she and Quinn had not long ago, how she had told the gorgeous blonde that she knew Sam would find his perfect girl someday, and she’d be happy and supportive. Smile even though your heart is breaking, right? “It’s so beautiful here,” she said softly.

“Oh am I? I don’t think so. You’re the one that would know best.” He grinned at her, shaking his head. He wished it could just be her and that this was another time where they could just be together, but he also reminded himself she’d never even brought up being together, and she’d just almost married someone else not five months ago. It was great to reconnect and all, but she could’ve easily been Mrs. Puckerman right now. It was just that easy. He didn’t think that she still had feelings for Puck, but he was sure she wasn’t even thinking about settling down right now. For one, she was about to go on a tour. Plus, he knew her. She wasn’t one to just hop from relationship to relationship. She was probably just having a bit of fun or something. It didn’t upset him because this wasn’t something either of them planned. It was just something that had kind of occurred. It was nice, and sometimes it felt like they were just drawn to one another no matter how hard he tried to resist. Only the truth of the matter was that he didn’t try to resist her at all. He’d probably given up on that the second she’d shown up at his door in that UPS outfit, and he hadn’t even bothered to wait until they got his room to be inside of her. So, it was kind of a lost cause. “Yeah, I used to want to own this place someday, but it’s not really a functioning farm anymore. It’s just been in my family for three generations, and my Uncle Rhett’s gonna take it over because Uncle Vern doesn’t want it.”

She wished that she could bare her heart and soul to him, confess all her fears, hopes, and dreams. But to open herself up that way would leave her with no protection when he had to say that they just wouldn’t work. At least with her keeping part of herself to herself, she could save him from having to go through that talk with her again. Once had been more than enough. “That’s good that it will stay in the family.” She looked at him and smiled. He was so unbelievably handsome, and she really wanted to kiss him, but that would be very inappropriate. “We should probably head back to the house before they send out a search party.” Or before she said or did something she shouldn’t.

Looking at her with the sun setting behind her at his grandparents’ farm was kind of breathtaking. It was kind of something he’d always dreamed about when they’d been in high school, bringing her here to meet his family. He’d always imagined he’d have a big ol’ ring, and he drop to his knee and ask her to be his wife. It kind of made the pit of his stomach knot nervously because for a moment, he worried he’d just blurt out his thoughts, and that was trouble. He reminded himself to calm down because he didn’t want to ruin the moment. It was just so intimate, and he couldn’t tear himself away. He moved closer to her, telling himself in his mind that he shouldn’t want to kiss her right now, especially after he told himself that they weren’t meant to be. But she was standing there before him, and she was just so beautiful. “Yeah, probably...but hang on. I just wanna…” He didn’t finish the sentence in favor of pressing his lips to hers.

Had he been thinking the same thing she was? It wouldn’t be the first time. She would’ve laughed about it if she wasn’t so caught up in kissing him back. This wasn’t a hot and heavy kiss that would lead to intense sex. This was a tender, sweet, full of a lot of unspoken emotions kiss. All the words that she knew she couldn’t say to him, she mentally said them in that moment. Everything about today, meeting his family, talking to Miss Ruby, being loved on by Mason, and meeting RJ was so perfect and amazing, she felt like she was seeing a glimpse of what she wanted her future to be, and it was beautifully overwhelming. She let her hand find his, threading her fingers between his own.

The kiss transported him for a moment to the land where this was real, and she was his. They were happy and had a future so bright before them that they needed shades. He kissed her with all of the emotions he felt in that make believe world, relaying to her feelings that he couldn’t speak into existence for fear of shattering the fragile bubble they’d carefully constructed around themselves. He felt her hand in his, and he gentled the kiss, pulling back. He brushed her hair back from her face and ran his thumb over her full lips before he tugged slightly at her hand. “Come on, let’s get inside,” he said softly, leading her back towards the house.

#para #r:sam

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