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wisteria-blooms · 2 years

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long hair & tattoos (bill weasley & reader) (9/15)

CHAPTER DIRECTORY

A/N: I AM SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY. Also, I'm going to ask for forgiveness for any errors, though I did proofread it twice... As always, your kind comments make my day. :) CHAPTER 9: A family tradition brings Bill back into your life. (5k words) TAG LIST MOVED TO THE BOTTOM. Let me know if you'd like to be tagged & if I missed you!

CHAPTER 9: ALL GROWN UP

As tolerable as the first month was, the second month of living with Fred and George was nearing unbearable. Under the layer of them being your best friends, it was easy to see that they were just boys. Boys that weren’t ready for any other roommates than themselves.

For example, on the rare occasion the two wanted a meal at home, you’d find their plates and scraps in the sink, sorely forgotten until an unforgivable scent began creeping up in the air. The living room was always littered with shirts and socks missing their other half. You did the honours of collecting them and taking them to the laundry room which was in the corridor. Every time you did try to do laundry, the machine was full of wet clothes from days ago. You couldn’t blame Fred and George for forgetting their laundered clothes, but you were getting irritated having to remove everything from their damp trousers to undergarments if you wanted your own clothes cleaned. Eventually, you gave up and sent everything to Malkin’s and would collect them the next day.

Through an unwanted discovery, you learned that the room adjacent to the laundry room was an experiment room. Though innocuous-sounding at first, it took three ruined reports for you to discover that you hated its existence. Every random and sudden explosion at all hours of the day took you by surprise, jerked your hand, and caused a jilted line that maimed whatever report you were writing. You lost countless hours re-writing them.

You discovered that Fred liked late night showers while George preferred early morning ones. You thought a silencing charm would do the trick but they were only perfectly silencing until the only things you could hear were your own thoughts. And you hated that because you couldn’t shake off Bill even in your deepest sleep at night. Yes, you had come to terms that you were infatuated with him. He’d be there, hand extended towards you, standing outside of Shell Cottage in the summer breeze. Unfortunately, this was on the tamer side of things. Sometimes, he’d be waiting on a bed when you returned home from work. There would be a smouldering expression on his face and his shirt would be halfway undone. Your dreams never got further than that, and you would wake when your head hit the one of the walls that sandwiched your bed. Regardless, one little dream was enough for Bill to linger in your head the rest of the day.

Unfortunately, there was no cold shower cure to rid yourself of Bill Weasley.

In terms of other issues, the only money you had in your bank account were your savings and the difference between your father’s stipend and Bill’s rent. Figuring out your finances combined with the downgrade in your living conditions left you sleep-deprived and demotivated. Your pride, though, kept you from going home. Residing at the manor would be admitting defeat, and Malfoys simply didn’t lose. The slightest thought of your father’s contemptuous smirk incited rage and gave you motivation to stay at the flat.

You were going to stay, no matter how thin the thread you were hanging onto was.

“Ow!”

You kicked your feet up from behind you and plucked out what looked like a sharp plastic fragment from your sock. “What is this?”

“Something we’re working on,” Fred said, running towards you and retrieving the lost piece of his invention from your hand. “Sorry, (Y/N).”

“Could you keep it off the floor?” you hissed. You limped awkwardly to your room and grabbed your purse that was hanging on the door.

“No promises,” Fred responded with a shrug.

“I’d like to see this shoved up your—,” you began, but Fred had already disappeared, likely to get back to the experiment room.

You exited the complex and out of the empty shop before it opened. Today, you decided to redirect your interests to something else. Work and reports kept your weekends at bay, but you vowed to get out of the flat today. Seriously, nothing good could come out of being around Fred and George on a Saturday.

After a walk around town, you decided on perusing the aisles of Flourish and Blotts. As you entered the store, you caught the attention of a young woman standing near the magazine rack. You swerved around who you distinctly knew as Pansy Parkinson. She was flanked by two friends, but she was quick to pick up on you.

“Well, well, well,” she said with a raise of her thin eyebrow. She lowered her magazine to get a better look at you. “If it isn’t (Y/N).”

“Stellar observation, Parkinson,” you responded.

Her eyes trailed upward to your eyes. “You’re looking tired,” she quipped.

“And you’re still looking single.”

Pansy’s face dropped. Her friends quickly turned around, concealing their laughter. She scowled at them.

Pansy had always harboured a grudge against you because your younger brother rejected her advances back in school. Pansy, being a total coward, used you as a scapegoat. You didn’t mind it because you didn’t care for her, and it took a load off Draco’s back. You reckoned she was still madly in love with him and clung onto every hope that Astoria wasn’t the one for him. But it was futile because as much as you thought your brother was a git, he was rather kind to Astoria. And you’d rather have Astoria, nice but a bit boring, over Pansy any day.

“And Draco’s doing well, if you were going to ask. Think he’ll make it official with Astoria soon enough.” You walked away quickly, looping through shelves until she was out of sight.

You naturally gravitated towards the lifestyle section of the bookstore. You were certain you’d read every Madame Millicent publication in the annals. Well, all except one. Over the weeks, you became intensely curious about what your mother’s friends were reading, that book about pleasing a husband. Though you found the concept wretched and backwards, the idea of having a lover was the ultimate temptation. You scoped your surroundings to ensure that no one was around. Then slowly, you pulled the book out from the shelf: Madame Millicent’s Guide for the Docile Witch: Pleasing the Patriarch.

You skimmed the table of contents. It was divided into different sections. Some were benign: childrearing, housekeeping, cooking, gardening, and so forth. Others were more controversial: self-preservation, subservience, and… what? You did an one-over. Sex, it read.

The three letters ignited a moral dilemma inside of you. Should you? Should you not? You shut your eyes, fighting with the devil and angel on your shoulders.

Just a peek into the ‘forbidden’ section shouldn’t hurt – you were more than of age. And you really should know more. Your mother never went over any of this with you as she assumed asking you to wait until marriage was enough. It was unjust and terrible; the men of the family were never expected to follow this backward rule. Anything you did know was through anecdotes and wildly inappropriate muggle shows and movies through a television that Fred had pilfered from his father. Your family friends and their upper-crust circle were too uptight to even broach the subject.

Really, to spare yourself the trouble, you should’ve just bought the book and read it in the comfort of your own room. But that would be putting money into Millicent’s pocket and encouraging her to write more about worshipping the patriarchy.

Quickly, your fingers flicked the pages until you were on page 289. Then, you began to read.

Your husband’s pleasure is paramount and is the key to a happy marriage. In this chapter, I will explore tried and true methods to increase his satisfaction in the bedroom. I say this can be divvied up into two categories: physical and emotional…

Heat rose to your cheeks as you skimmed through Madame Millicent’s advice, especially her advice on enhancing physical pleasure. When you realized the images she decided to incorporate were lifelike, you felt the warmth on your face intensify but you just couldn’t pull away. You wondered how Bill’s calloused hands would feel as they firmly gripped your bare waist. Or how his body would feel as you writhed underneath him—

“(Y/N)?”

You looked up so quickly that gave yourself whiplash.

It was the ever-so discernible voice of Molly Weasley. Oh, crap. You felt a part of you die as you met her kind brown eyes.

“Hello, Mrs. Weasley.” You quickly snapped the book shut and held it behind you. You weren’t sure if she’d gotten a peek of the images you were looking at. Slowly, you slid it on the shelf behind you like you’d never taken it out in the first place.

“Fancy seeing you here. Are you looking for some new books too?” she asked, gazing up at the section you were in. She had a basket looped around her arms, loaded with groceries that probably meant this was her last stop.

“You could say that, yes,” you responded.

Molly eyed the gap where you’d taken the book from.

“If you’re looking for housekeeping tips, I have better recommendations. I find that Millicent’s tips are good for immediate satisfaction, but there are better authors for quality spells. Oh, but the board you made for dinner was really lovely indeed. I could tell it was Millicent you read based off the swirl pattern of the meats.”

“I quite agree,” you responded. “It was easy to follow.”

She pursed her lips in thought and trailed her fingers over the spines of a row of books until she landed on one. “Ah, I do enjoy Viola Vickery’s Vital Tips for the Kitchen.” She gracefully pulled the book out and put it in your hands. “Roxanne Reinhart’s Rights for a Righteous Home is a fantastic one, too. But,” she paused, “only if this is what you’re looking for.”

“Exactly what I came here for,” you affirmed. “Thank you.”

A chime sounded from her watch.

“Goodness, is it three already?” she exclaimed. “I must be getting home. Bill is stopping by today.”

“Oh?” She’d certainly piqued your interest with the mention of his name.

“He says he has important news and I should be the first to know.”

Who knew Molly Weasley was so good at throwing sucker punches too?

“Then you must get going, Mrs. Weasley,” you said with a polite smile. “I’ll be sure to read your recommendations.”

“Well, feel free to stop by anytime, dear. I have most of these books at home that are yours to borrow.”

You nodded, watching as Molly paid for her book and then hastily walk out the door. It seemed that there was no escaping Bill wherever you went. Feeling mortified that Bill’s mother of all people had caught you reading about unholy acts, you sped home in record time. The overhead sun, mingled with hot embarrassment, beat down on you. You also wondered what news could be so urgent that Bill had to tell his mother first.

“Letter for you, (Y/N)!” George called from across the room when he heard the bell chime. He gestured towards the cash register.

You eyed the unfurled parchment beside you. “Did you open it already?” you asked.

“Your family’s owl sure is persistent,” Fred said, coming up from behind you. He raised his hand which had a red peck mark in front of your face as proof. “Wouldn’t go until we read it. So, I’ll do the honours of reading it again.”

Before you could protest, Fred had grabbed the letter and held it above his head. You pouted, persisting with your hands, but Fred simply laughed. It was a futile effort given his height. You gave up and prepared yourself for the inevitable.

“Dearest (Y/N).” Fred imitated your mother, a posh, uptight accent coating his voice. His smile then morphed into a scowl. “I would appreciate it if you responded to my dinner invitations. Nonetheless, I hope you and Bill will join us in our annual trip to the French Riviera. You know how important this trip is to our family. Regards, Narcissa.”

“Oh.”

“Oh?” Fred quirked an eyebrow. “That’s all?”

“I forgot,” you exhaled sharply, “about the trip.” You’d been so focussed on keeping your life and sanity together that this summer trip was the last thing on your mind.

“The one where you mysteriously disappear for weeks?” he questioned.

“I don’t mysteriously disappear!” you retorted, snatching your mother’s letter from Fred now that he had it at your level. You skimmed it over and was disheartened to find Fred had read it word-for-word. “I’ve been going to France every summer since I was born.”

Fred sniggered. “Looks like you won’t be alone this time.”

“Why’s that?”

“Aren’t you going to invite Bill?” George asked in a matter-of-fact tone.

In your eyes, you and Bill were a done deal. But Fred and George were none-the-wiser, and now Fred was eyeing you strangely.

“What’s going on with you?” Fred inquired, leaning in to inspect your person to make sure someone hadn’t taken Polyjuice Potion and had been impersonating you. “You look dreary, haven’t been yourself lately either. You’re more eager than usual to bark at me like you did this morning.”

Your tolerance for Fred was dwindling every second he stuck his face way too close to yours. What angered you the most was how little awareness he had that it was him causing you to be so dreary, as he’d put it. You wanted to scream that it was him ruining any hope of a good sleep with his late showers, singing, and random experiments.

But you bit back everything you wanted to spew. “I have to start packing.” You quickly retreated upstairs to avoid causing a scene.

When you were back in your room, you opened your closet. It dawned on you that you’d sent all your nice clothes in a suitcase for Bill to keep when you were packing with your mother. Sighing, you closed the doors and took a step back. As you turned, your reflection in the mirror caught your eye.

You felt like you were staring at a stranger. Your eyes were sullen and a deep frown pulled at your lips. You hated what you saw, too, this gloomy apparition of an usually happy girl. Despite your mother’s constant criticisms, you were always made to feel beautiful and important. You were good enough for the world, just never good enough for your family’s standards. Now you were in front of the mirror, picking apart your every feature. You even tried to straighten your back like how you saw the French woman, who you kindly dubbed as Bill’s paramour, was standing in the bank. You wondered if you looked as intelligent and graceful as she did. You mussed and ran your fingers through your hair, wondering how to get it to flow so delicately.

Normally, you spoke your mind without a care for propriety. Now, you’d lost your edge and was reduced to a stuttering fool in front of Bill and his family, all because you were worried about what they’d think of you.

You really hated feeling like this.

You waited until Tuesday to ask Bill if he was free to have a chat. Tuesday, as you deemed it, was the perfect day. Even if he said no (which you were certain he would), you could just do mindless work at the Ministry instead of simmering in embarrassment over the weekend. If Bill Weasley were a warranty then you were long past the guaranteed date.

To your surprise, Bill had written back by the evening, suggesting you stop by the penthouse tomorrow after work. Your palms turned clammy when you realized he was inviting you over. Not to the café, or the shop, but to his place where you would be alone.

On Wednesday afternoon, you found yourself cowering with apprehension at the entrance of a building erected by Lennox Gardens. Standing in the centre of a circular pavilion, you willed yourself to regain composure. You had to strut in confidently to fool the stout concierge behind the desk who was looking at you with shifty eyes.

“Excuse me!” he called out, pushing himself off a chair that was too high for him. He walked over with a slight wobble. “Where are you going?”

It took you grit to get this out. “I’m (Y/N) Malfoy, Bill Weasley’s girlfriend,” you responded.

“Haven’t seen you come in with him,” he mumbled as he pushed his round glasses up, still unimpressed with your response.

“Then you must not be doing your job well,” you remarked, looking down at him. “We live together. Most of the time I come back in the late evenings when you’re dozing off.”

Your turned to your left and pushed a button. “Bill, I forgot my keys,” you spoke into the intercom. “Would you let me in?”

Without another word, you could hear the lift coming down.

“You are aware that my father, Lucius Malfoy, owns the unit, aren’t you?” you asked before the doors closed. “Don’t make me advise him of your failing to do your job.”

You fell back on the wall of the lift when the doors finally shut. The last thing you saw was the concierge’s frightened face. Leveraging your father was only fun the first few times around, now it just felt risky, and you felt bad for the poor chap just trying to do his job. The nausea in your stomach hastened with each floor that you whizzed by. Eleven, twelve, thirteen… When you landed on the 25th floor with a smooth stop, the gated doors began to open.

Your mouth fell agape; the penthouse was spacious and breath-taking. So, this was what you could’ve had. Your eyes first landed on the kitchen island, made of tonnes of glossy white marble. The eight white leather barstools were worlds above the battered ones that Fred and George had. There was a full kitchen complete with a stocked wine closet enclosing the area. Bill had tastefully hung up some paintings to brighten up the neutral tones. There were multiple sectionals sofas on a carpet right of the island, the longest of the three facing the ceiling-high windows.

You walked closer, watching your reflection in the glass move with you. The views outside the window were shrouded by clouds. From so high above, you could see the entire city, and blurred bits of muggle London in the skyline.

“Hi, (Y/N),” Bill said as he jogged down the stairs from the second floor. He sported slacks and a loose white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up. “How are you? Haven’t seen you since the concert.”

“Right,” you responded, nerves still abundant. You withdrew your hands from your back and clapped them together. “I’m well. How was it?”

“You haven’t heard?” Bill quirked an eyebrow. “I thought Fred would’ve ratted me out already.”

“No, he hasn’t.” To be honest, you hadn’t prodded at all. You were scared that Fred would tell you that Bill hadn’t come home that night, setting your wicked imagination off.

“Charlie and I came home in quite the state,” he said with a chuckle. “Had a couple drinks too many. We were acting more like boys rather than men, and mum threw a fit, asked us if we were thirty or thirteen. Charlie said thirteen, but he was a little drunk.”

You laughed. At least there was some relief that Bill hadn’t spent the night in another woman’s bed.

“But anyway,” Bill said as he walked over to grab a glass from the rack in the kitchen. “What brings you here? Sounded urgent.”

“Well.”

You looked at him nervously.

“Do you remember when I said my family goes to France every summer?” you asked.

“Yes, I do,” Bill responded. “Drink?” he asked, holding a glass towards you.

“No, I’m fine, thank you.”

You stuck out an arm and offered him your mother’s letter instead. He took it and began to read. You tried to meet Bill’s focussed eyes, but there was a shock of heat that prickled your skin every time you tried. You couldn’t deny that he looked ever so handsome, the lights above casting shadows on his well-structured face.

“It’s almost August now, so,” you added gently. “Yearly tradition and all that.”

“I see.” Bill drummed his fingers on the marble counter while reading.

“If it’s any consolation, I’ve explored every other avenue,” you continued. “I tossed all my mother’s dinner and tea invitations. And I can tell them you’re busy, even if they’re persistent, which I know they will be.”

“That’s quite alright,” Bill consoled. He set the letter down and took a swig of ice water, as if that’d help him come to a decision. “When are you going, again?”

“The second week of August.”

“I’ll check my calendar,” he said. “It’s in my office.” He pushed himself off the chair and eyed you when you didn’t move. “Would you like a tour of the place?”

You perked up immediately. “Yes.”

“I mean, it’s half yours too, don’t forget that,” he reminded. As Bill led you out of the living room and up the stairs, he turned back to face you. “It just dawned on me that the owner of 1 Lennox doesn’t even visit her own property,” he teased with a sigh. “You’re exactly the kind of homeowner Kingsley’s new property bill would tax heavily.”

“Then he should tax my father, not me,” you said with a grin, catching up to his long strides. “I didn’t choose to live here.”

The second floor of the penthouse housed the bedrooms and the den which served as Bill’s office. You entered the room with Bill. It was a neat space kept simple with a desk, filing cabinet, bookshelf and a swivel chair. You noted that Bill kept pyramid-shaped paperweights on his desk. You could take the boy out of Egypt, but you couldn’t take the Egypt out of the boy, you supposed.

Bill picked up his calendar and traced the next few weeks with the back of a quill. He came to a stop after a few moments. He scrunched his nose and exhaled. “Got a meeting with the department head that week.”

Ah, shit.

“But I can always arrange for that to be moved to the week after,” Bill mused to himself as he scribbled on the paper. “Given our workload, it’s absurd to think we could’ve met that deadline, anyway.”

“Right.”

“So, that’ll free up the second week of August,” Bill said. He threw the calendar down on his desk and looked at you. “How’s that for an answer, (Y/N)?”

You stilled.

“What?”

“What?” Bill repeated. He leaned over the desk and took an inquisitive glance, in a similar manner Fred had last weekend, at you. It seemed he was expecting more of an enthusiastic response out of you. You quickly looked down, unable to bear the intensity of his blue eyes boring into yours.

“No, that’s wonderful,” you whispered, focussed on the sticky notes on Bill’s desk. “Thank you.”

“You were chattier when we first met,” he remarked, pulling away. “Anything on your mind?”

“Not much,” you responded. “I’m just tired.” You rubbed at your eyes and stifled a yawn.

Bill hummed in an understanding manner. “Yeah, Fred and George will cause quite the ruckus, won’t they? I don't get why they take showers at the opposite ends of the day, given they’re twins and all.”

“That’s exactly it,” you said with more vigour. “The moment I fall asleep after Fred’s shower, I’m wakened by George’s.”

“If you need somewhere to get some shut-eye, then I’ll show you to the guest room,” he suggested.

“Won’t I be bothering you?” you asked hesitantly.

“Not at all,” he affirmed. “As I’ve said, this place is too big for just myself. The only thing I can hear most days are my own thoughts.”

Well, you at least had that in common. But you were sure Bill didn’t have dirty dreams about you.

You walked down the wide hall with Bill before stopping at one of the doors. He pushed it open to reveal a modestly-sized (relative to the penthouse) room with a bed and a nightstand. Your mind went somewhere different this time. You wondered if Bill was bringing anyone, particularly women, back to this place. The idea of him being with anyone else under these pure white covers was too much to bear, and not knowing made you miserable. So, you decided to gauge, with very, very gentle pressure, where Bill stood in his romantic life.

“I know we’ve said we’d end this,” you gestured back and forth between you and him, “after two dinners, so I really do appreciate you agreeing to come along to France, but do you think anything could’ve given us away?”

Bill crossed his arms as a pensive look shadowed his face. “I don’t reckon I could’ve,” he said. “What makes you think that?”

“Percy talked to me about the penthouse last time, when I was over for dinner.” You hoped Bill wouldn’t call your bluff; it really wasn’t Percy you were concerned about.

Bill looked taken aback. “Did he?”

You weren’t looking to badmouth Percy in front of Bill, so you quelled your feelings and plainly stated, “he was surprised you’d live here.”

“Well, he wanted to help me move in,” Bill recalled. “Even assembled the bookshelf here and helped me hang some paintings. He must’ve made the connection to you somehow.”

“He didn’t sound too chuffed.”

Bill stifled a laugh into his fist. “Percy has been on the edge since years ago.”

“Hasn’t he always been like that?”

Bill shook his head. “He’ll kill me if I told you this, so don’t tell him I did.”

“What?” You unconsciously leaned in, terribly curious. Your wide eyes beckoned Bill to tell you what he knew.

“Okay.” Bill was easily persuadable, it seemed. He leaned in a little closer and lowered his voice, as if Percy was floating around to witness your conversation. “There was a security breach at the Ministry around the time he started there, and he was relaying confidential information in letters to who he thought was Barty Crouch,” Bill said with a grin. “Got in loads of trouble for it. So, he’s compensating a little,” he brought his thumb and index finger closer together, “trying to tie together things if there’s the slightest hint.”

An amused expression overtook your face. “Percy couldn’t possibly have done that.”

“But he did.” Bill’s face lightened up handsomely. “So, don’t worry about him. He means well even if it doesn’t come off that way.”

“I understand.”

Bill walked over to the closet and opened it. “I still have the suitcase you gave me here.”

“Oh, that’s perfect,” you said. There was a tingle of pleasure that jolted up from your hand to your heart as Bill’s hands met yours for the briefest of moments when he passed the suitcase to you. “I’m going to need some things in here.”

“Well, I’ve got a little more work to do, but make yourself at home.”

A sudden thought came to your mind. “Bill?” you called. “I can try to make dinner tonight, if you’re busy working.”

“Would you really?” he asked with a tone of surprise. The conversation was reminiscent of the one you had months ago when you were trying to learn every nook and cranny of each other in less than an hour.

“I’ve been reading and practicing.”

“The kitchen is all yours, then,” he said with a smile before exiting the room. “But take it easy, don’t wear yourself out.”

When Bill left, you kneeled and unzipped your suitcase. Your eyes instantly met the beautiful, neatly-folded dresses you packed months ago. Your fingers fished out a photograph tucked in between the layers and layers of pastel silk and satin. Sometime in your teenage years, you took out the family portrait in the photo frame on your nightstand and replaced it with a picture of you, Fred, and George making silly faces in front of the Big Ben. It aggravated your parents to no end; one, for the unsavoury friends you’d made; two, for perusing muggle London; and three, for losing the family portrait.

The family portrait that you thought was long gone was taken when you were three. You were standing on the front step of the manor, holding onto Draco. If you remembered clearly, he was just beginning to learn how to walk, so you were doing most of the heavy work, bracing him from behind to keep him standing. Narcissa and Lucius stood proudly with their two young children in front of their well-maintained estate.

You missed the simpler times before politics took a stronghold in your family. That wrecked everything. Not you or the friends you chose.

You supposed you’d get some shuteye before you attempted anything in Bill’s kitchen. Slowly, you lifted the white covers off the bed. As you crawled in, you sighed in relief. The mattress literally moulded to the shape of your body. It was also so lovely and quiet in this suite – no explosions, running water, singing, slamming doors, or rambunctious laughter. The only audible sounds were Bill’s quill scratching on the parchment and his inviting low hums that floated in from the other room. It was so pleasant that you felt like you could stay here forever. You were still in Bill’s good graces, and though you couldn’t ascertain if he loved anyone else, he was coming with you to France.

Things were really looking up for the better.

As you felt your body relax for the first time in weeks, you figured a short fifteen-minute nap would be enough for recuperate. Just fifteen, you promised, before drifting off to slumber.

>> NEXT CHAPTER

<<CHAPTER DIRECTORY

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#bill weasley x you #bill weasley x reader #bill weasley x y/n

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therenlover · 3 years

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Imagines - REQUESTS CLOSED

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Characters: Tate Langdon, Kit Walker, Kyle Spencer, Jimmy Darling, James Patrick March, Kai Anderson, Peter Maximoff

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Characters: Tate Langdon, Kit Walker, Kyle Spencer, Jimmy Darling, James Patrick March, Rory Monahan, Kai Anderson, Peter Maximoff

Rating: T

Would The Danny Bunch Survive A Holiday With My Family?

Characters: Laszlo Kreizler, Alex Kerner, Niki Lauda, Andrea Marowski, Ernst Schmidt, Helmut Zemo

Rating: T

Headcanons - REQUESTS CLOSED

Modern! AU Armitage Hux Boyfriend Headcanons

Zemo With A Well Dress S/O Headcanons

Zemo Getting Jealous Headcanons

Oneshots - REQUESTS CLOSED

Marvel/X-Men

Helmut Zemo

One Last Night In Madripoor

Synopsis: Baron Helmut Zemo is a lonely, wanted man looking for some fun, you’re a piss-poor bounty hunter in search of a connection before leaving your life of crime behind, and fate has brought you together at a party the likes of which has never been seen before. You only have one night left in Madripoor, so why not take a chance?

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 4200~

Still Some Catching Up To Do

Synopsis: As a member of the criminal underworld, people walk out of your life all the time. Some are killed, others kill themselves, most get caught and only a couple get out of the life unscathed, disappearing into the world never to be seen again. Very few walk back in. So when your supposedly incarcerated ex-lover, the Winter Soldier, and the Falcon waltzed through your door and made you murder your boss, needless to say, you were surprised and more than a little bit pissed.

Rating: 16+

Word Count: 6800~

Nine Years Starved

Synopsis: It had been a little over nine years since Helmut Zemo lost his family, his country, and his sanity. Nine years since his last kiss. Nine years since he felt like a human man. Finally, he was ready to start over again, but first, he had to pay his penance back where it all began; Novi Grad. That’s when, by the grace of the fates, he met you.

Rating: G

Word Count: 7000~

Daddy Dearest

Synopsis: Not everyone gets lucky enough to go from being a broke college student in New York to being the sugar baby to literal royalty, but not everyone is you. Most people would be worried about messing things up or losing him to someone else, but you knew he would never find another baby just like you. Besides, you knew exactly what to do to keep him wrapped around your little finger. He may have been the daddy, but you pulled the reins.

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 8000~

In Fleeting Touches & Airy Sighs

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four

Synopsis: As a wanted man, Helmut Zemo spends most of his time jumping from place to place in the hopes of avoiding a trip back to prison. Unfortunately, that means he can’t always be home in your arms. When he is, though, in the rare moments of calm, you’re reminded of just how worth it it’s been to wait, even if that wait was only shortened by the arrival of your enemies.

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 35,700~

Two Bodies In The Rain

Synopsis: It was raining the day you finally had to admit your feelings to Helmut. You hated to tell him the way you did, under the grey skies as your blood pooled below you, but at least you knew, in the end, he had seen the real you, even just once. That was enough.

Rating: T

Word Count: 5600~

Rest

Synopsis: Living life on the lam with your escaped super-villain lover means things rarely slow down enough for a real rest. When the exhaustion starts to take its toll on you, though, he knows exactly what to do to ease the pain. He may not be a good man, but he’s a good husband when it counts.

Rating: T

Word Count: 3200~

American Horror Story

Jimmy Darling

Red Nights In Jupiter

Synopsis: At the end of another long day, you fall into bed with Jimmy Darling. The men you served throughout the day don’t matter then, nor do the coins in the mason jar by the door, or the women scheduled to attend Jimmy’s next Tupperware party. No, in that quiet darkness it’s just you and the man you love, bone-tired and happy to be home. Who could ask for more?

Rating: 16+

Word Count: 3000~

James Patrick March

Heartsick

Synopsis: When you fall ill, James is given a forceful awakening about how he’s been neglecting your needs and what he must do to prevent harm from befalling you again.

Rating: 16+

Word Count: 3700~

In Sickness And In Health

Synopsis: Normally people don’t have their wedding and funeral on the same day, but you and James don’t quite have a normal relationship, do you? Besides, you wouldn’t wanna go any other way.

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 5500~

Fallout 4

Currently Empty

Star Wars

Currently Empty

Assorted/Random

Currently Empty

Long Form Works/Series

Young Artist!Zemo AU

Chapter One: The Boy With The Easel

Synopsis: About a month into your first semester at Novi Grad’s top university, you finally meet the strange young man that you’ve taken to calling “easel boy” in the back of a bookshop. From a distance, he always seemed cold and aloof. As you get to know him, though, you realize things aren’t always what they seem.

Rating: T

Word Count: 7000~

Till Forever Falls Apart (A Peter Maximoff/Reader Series)

Chapter One: Welcome Home

Synopsis: As if getting thrown through the multiverse, trapped in an attic (albeit a cool one), mind-controlled to manipulate his grieving sister, and subsequently dragged out of Westview “for his own safety” by the FBI wasn’t enough, Peter Maximoff has now been shipped off to New York to live with a glorified baby sitter like some tragic orphan in a comic book until they find a way to get him back home. Things are not always as they seem, though, and this change might just be for the better.

Rating: T

Word Count: 2400~

Chapter Two: The Doctor Is In

Synopsis: Peter’s first few days in his new home are mostly uneventful, so he decides it’s the perfect time to dust off his running goggles and steal some shit. The building with the massive circular stained glass window seems like a great place to start! People with buildings that lavish are usually rich and weak, so what could possibly go wrong?

Rating: T

Word Count: 2800~

Chapter Three: It’s Always Been You

Synopsis: After a month of adapting to his new universe, Peter Maximoff can confidently say that he likes his new life more than his old one. Sure, he misses home sometimes, but he’s been far too busy flirting with his new roommate to spend time crying over the things he’s lost. Everything is smooth sailing until a strange journal in his roommate’s study leaves him with more questions than he knows what to do with. Now he’s on a mission to discover who he’s really living with before she has the chance to turn against him.

Rating: T

Word Count: 8600~

Chapter Four: Before You Go

Synopsis: Peter, after days of contemplation, has realized that part of him loves Y/N no matter what she is or what she’s been through. Unfortunately, he can’t find her anywhere. When she finally returns home with the intention of leaving again, Peter realizes it’s his last chance to tell her how he really feels. Will he succeed, or will he fail to be fast enough once again?

Rating: T

Word Count: 4000~

Chapter Four And A Half: Gimme Swayze

Synopsis: Now that the issue of Y/N leaving is out of the way, and Peter has finally kissed her, he falls into the motions of learning how to love someone for the first time. It’s easier than he thought it would be.

Rating: T

Word Count; 2600~

Cakes For The Evans: A Blogging And Baking Adventure!

Kai Anderson’s Disaster Cake

Hey you! If you’ve made it this far down the list, thanks for supporting me as an author! I’ll be linking my AO3 here. I post everything there shortly before I post it here, and there are some older fics there you might enjoy along the way! It’s also easier to drop comments over there and I keep them open for non-members, so give me a shout if you liked what I wrote!

I love you all, you make me so happy, and without you support I would never be motivated to write! Cheers!

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thewhiteroseofvermilion · 3 years

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Moving Forward

Hello everyone. It’s been a long time since I’ve last spoken to you all, and an even longer time since I’ve last updated this story. Over the months and years, my absence has saddened, frustrated, and even angered many of you. Despite my own valid feelings of how—to put it bluntly—I don’t owe any of you anything as this is something I do for free and in my own free time, I still recognize how it must feel for you all to see something you enjoy so much slowly lose momentum and eventually grind to a halt. Furthermore, my habit of making enthusiastic yet empty statements in between didn’t help either.

As such, a proper and honest explanation is due, as anything less would be unkind. This will be lengthy, but please bear with me.

For the past four years, it’s been increasingly difficult to find the time, energy, and motivation for me to properly sit down and write. Seemingly gone are the early days of this story’s life when I was able to publish a new chapter every month or so, or even every two weeks when I was at the top of my game in terms of activeness. Even though I had an immense workload due to being a double major in college, leading me to adopt the best work ethic I’ve ever had, I still led a sheltered lifestyle where I didn’t have to worry about the many looming, inevitable adult responsibilities that were ahead of me.

Those tranquil years of course came to an end when I graduated, and I soon felt immense pressure to shift my attention to finding work, living independently, and working on things that would further my career. While I received support as an aspiring writer from the majority of my family, those being my mother and sister, the both of them commented more frequently as time passed by that my “fanfiction” wasn’t something that I should be spending so much time on anymore. After all, it’s not like I could sell the work as my own, and the fact that despite fanfiction absolutely being a valid artform, it wasn’t something that the world of professional employers cared about.

Nonetheless, when I did eventually find work as a film freelancer, I still tried to persevere and write on the side. My goal back then was to work in film in order to sustain my pursuit in writing. Film was something I went to school for, greatly enjoyed, and even saw a possible future career for myself in, but it was the writing aspect of it that I was truly after, that being primarily screenwriting.

After two years of living at home, I felt the need to try and live independently as I outgrew my tiny room and my mom started dating a man that I didn’t particularly like. I knew it wasn’t financially smart of me to do so when my mom allowed me to live with her rent-free. But at the time I thought that it would help me to become more mature and productive, as I would have to force myself to work in order to put a roof over my head and food on the table—as opposed to living a sheltered life at home where everything was taken care of for me. Essentially, I was longing for the lifestyle I had in college, thinking that once I returned to it, I would be able to reacquire that once incredible work ethic I had.

So, I became roommates with a friend from college and together we rented a townhouse together. Rent wasn’t terribly expensive, but it wasn’t cheap either. Regardless, I was able to make ends meet. My greatest challenge however, was to live up to my family’s spoken and unspoken expectations. On one hand, my mother was sweet and understanding, naturally giving me her full support. My father, on the other, always thought that it’d be better for me to pursue something safer and more lucrative, and to not risk being a starving artist. But the one I had to prove myself the most to was my older sister, who was wildly more successful than I was—financially and professionally. My pay compared to hers was like a drop in a bucket, and I felt both indirect and direct pressure from her to be more “professional” like her. Therefore, I threw myself into my work, which is when things slowly began to go downhill.

As a film freelancer, my work hours usually averaged between 10-12 hours a day, and with my work taking me all over my home state of Maryland and even into neighboring Washington DC and Virginia, my commute time to and from work ranged anywhere from an additional 1-3 hours. It became incredibly common for me to wake up for work anywhere between 3-6 AM and not get home until 8-10 PM.

Unbeknownst to me at the time, I slowly slipped into a routine where when I did have the “time” to write, I had zero energy or motivation as my work was so taxing. I reached the point where I had to drink two energy drinks with 300mg of caffeine to get myself to and from work. I saw less and less of my roommate and friends. I spent an alarming amount of money and gained weight from ordering take-out so often because I hadn’t the energy to cook for myself when I got home late from work. There would even be days when I fell into what felt like comas, sleeping up to two days straight at one point. My physical, mental, and emotional health was in serious decline. And yet I didn’t see it that way, as I had become obsessed with trying to prove to my family, my sister in particular, that I wasn’t a failure and that my pursuit of writing wasn’t a hopeless one.

During the first month of COVID-19′s outbreak last year, I finally had a much-needed vacation. This was undoubtedly the best time for me to have returned to writing—but I didn’t. At this point, so much time had passed since my last proper writing session that the few times I did try to write, I found myself completely unable to write anything. I was so out of practice and so out of touch with what I had written. This honestly frightened me, and I soon began to doubt if I could ever be able continue the story with the same quality that so many readers fell in love with. Regrettably, I fled from this revelation long enough for a full month to pass by, and I soon found myself busy with yet another distraction: unemployment.

I was out of work for about 4.5 months, from the middle of March to the beginning of August. During this time, I had to rely on state unemployment, which earned me great scorn from my older sister. Our relationship had always been uneven since we were kids, but it was becoming increasingly toxic as of late since our college years. I felt so ashamed to tell her how much money I made in a year from my job as a film freelancer, and how I barely managed to move to a better position after four years of work. Riddled with guilt and disappointment in myself, when work became readily available again in August, I frantically threw myself back in harder than ever before. In the past where I had turned down the occasional job to give myself some time to relax or in order to make it to a social outing with friends, I now accepted every job thrown my way, only declining those that would make me double-book myself. I earned a lot of money during those months as a result, and I was so happy to finally distance myself from the stigma of being “unemployed.” However, I once again failed to see that I was yet again sliding back into the lifestyle that had been slowly poisoning me for the past two years.

After essentially working non-stop from August to March, my body, mind, and soul soon returned right back to the brink of collapse. It wasn’t until then at my lowest point when I finally realized how I initially went from working to sustain myself in order to write, to not writing at all and only working to sustain myself to work even more. It was truly scary to see myself fall victim to a brutal cycle of unfulfilling work that could have trapped me for years to come if I hadn’t broken free first. That’s when I realized that my lifestyle was personally unsustainable, and that something had to change.

Henceforth, I’ve made the difficult decisions to both transition out of film freelancing and to soon return home to live with my father. At the end of April, the homeowner of the townhouse my roommate and I had been living in for close to three years gave us our 30-days-notice to vacate, as they no longer wished to rent but to sell the property. As my roommate had been planning on finding a place of his own with his girlfriend for quite some time, we split amicably at the end of last month in May and I’ve since moved into a temporary apartment with a friend who has traveled back to Maryland for seasonal work.

Regarding the change in my career, I’ve been looking into applying for writing positions for something that I’ve grown to enjoy over the past few years, which is to write reviews for media such as film, anime, and videogames. This of course is not what I truly want to do in life, but I think that because it actually involves writing, it would be both good practice in terms of practicing my writing and experience in terms of resume-building. Furthermore, a stable “9-5″ job as such would be good for me, I think, as it would introduce some desperately needed structure back into my life. Being a freelancer was definitely fun as I had the power to choose my own schedule, but it unfortunately fostered a lot of laziness and procrastination when I wasn’t completely burnt out.

I’ve shared with you all this information, a great deal of it being very personal, in the hopes that it helps you better understand who I am as a person and what I’ve been going through these past four years.

I understand that my word may be difficult to trust due to my history, but I sincerely wish to let you all know from the bottom of my heart that I do plan on continuing writing The White Rose of Vermilion until it’s completed. My fears and insecurities may have alienated me from that promise, but not once did I ever entertain the idea of fully dropping the story. And I promise you, I never will. It most likely will not further my career in any way, bring any revenue in, and will continue to consume a great deal of my precious free time—yet I still choose to pursue continuing it because I can’t see a future where I don’t finish it.

It is after all my most cherished project; the reason that I was able to truly find my calling as an aspiring writer, its success also ultimately being the proof to my mother that I had some skill as a budding writer, who then gave me her full blessings to pursue it as a career. But most important of all is that it’s the reason why I was able to experience first-hand one of the most important and beautiful discoveries in my entire life. That being the incredible phenomenon of how art is like a beacon—its bright light is powerful enough to reach out and inspire others to create art of their own. From Monty Oum to Nancy Phetchareune to myself, I was blessed enough to see readers create wonderful fanart to show me or tell me in a review that reading my story had inspired them to create something of their own.

I am officially leaving behind my prolonged hiatus and returning to working on The White Rose of Vermilion. While I am extremely hesitant to even estimate when the next chapter will be published, please know that I am genuinely trying to leave behind my habits of old and returning to a more consistent schedule.

The White Rose of Vermilion will return in:

Arc II, Chapter Twenty-Seven: Stranger in the Night

#TWRoV #The White Rose of Vermilion

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everyonesannoyedwithme · 3 years

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play the role of anyone but me, i

ok so i caved and im finally writing a series on this cursed website. consider it my bday gift for yall. chapters will probably be kinda short and spread out bc motivation is a bitch. also this chapter is kinda just set up of the characters and their relationships.

idea from a post by @lydias--stiles

summary: when julie and luke are partnered together for a songwriting contest in their music class, they are determined to win. only one problem; they hate each other. julie is convinced luke is just an ambitious bastard who only cares about his career and fame, and luke is convinced julie is just a spoiled goody two shoes who gets everything handed to her. yes i am aware this is cheesy, it is meant to be.

warnings: cursing

word count: 1,083

chapter i - a force to be reckoned with

It was the first day back at school for Julie Molina, and unfortunately, the rest of the school as well. Her father’s driver dropped her off at school less than five minutes ago and Julie was already considering calling him to pick her up. It’s not that she thought herself above all the kids in her school, she just thought most of them were below her. Especially the four boys currently blocking her locker.

“Ugh - move, you’re in my way.” Julie groaned, rolling her eyes at the boys.

“Oh, damn! The princess speaks to us, guys.” Luke Patterson. The single most obnoxious boy Julie had ever met in her life. He was loud and annoying and practically married to his dumb guitar. Julie hated his stupid face.

“Just move. You’re in front of my locker.” She groaned, putting one manicured hand on her hip and leaning her weight against it. Julie eyed the other three. Two of them were talking to each other, Peters and Wilson. Those two could be decent, sometimes, but Julie hated Wilson for publicly dumping his ex the year before. She hadn't been close with the poor girl, but you didn't just do that to someone. The third boy, Mercer, was smiling at his phone. He was the most tolerable of the group. They had biology together last year and he was good at it.

“What’re you gonna do about it? Call your daddy?” Patterson asked, mocking her fathers status. It's not like it was her fault her dad just happened to be a famous photographer who insisted on only the best for his oldest child. Julie just scoffed at the boy standing in front of her.

“I can smash that pretty guitar of yours.” She said with a sweet smile, tossing her dark curls over her shoulder.

“Pshh. You wouldn’t. Don’t wanna get those hands dirty, hm?” Patterson's eyes flickered to her hand, obviously referring to her fresh French manicure. Julie just rolled her eyes a second time and shifted her weight to the other side.

“Fucking move, Patterson!” She said, finally losing any patience she previously had with the boy. The other boys looked up from what they were doing at the rising tension between the two. Peters and Wilson didn't seem too concerned. Mercer did.

“Make me.” Patterson growled, leaning in towards Julie’s shorter frame.

“Bite me!” Julie spat at him.

Patterson reeled back at that, barking out a laugh. “So the princess has some fire after all. I guess you aren't an unfeeling robot.”

“And I guess you aren't a total idiot,” Julie said, glaring at the obnoxious child of a teenager. “oh wait. Never mind!” She finished with a sweet smile.

Mercer reached out and quickly grabbed Patterson’s shoulder before the teenager could move towards Julie at the insult. To her luck, a familiar blonde came up to the group at just the perfect moment.

“Ugh, why does it smell like testosterone and axe over here? Did you try out a new perfume, Jules?” Carrie asked, approaching the hostile girl.

Julie's entire demeanor changed, her scowl turning into a bright smile that lit up her whole face.

“No, but maybe these dumbasses did. What's the new scent called, boys? Disappointing your mother?” Julie quipped, reaching out to link arms with the taller blonde.

“Nah, it's actually railing your mother.” Wilson said, looking Julie up and down with a slight smirk. “Because that's what I spent all last night doing.”

“Ew, what's my idiot brother doing here? Doesn't he know this hallway is for juniors?” Carrie asked, pretending to whisper.

“I don't know, but he and his sophomore ass need to leave.” Julie stage whispered back.

“Ha ha, very funny.” Wilson said to the two girls. He turned to his friends. “See y'all later?”

“Yeah, see you at lunch. Alex’s boyfriend is saving us a seat, so find him. We have music before lunch so we’ll probably be late.” Peters said.

They all did some sort of elaborate handshake before Wilson left and Julie and Carrie exchanged a look. Julie sighed loudly.

“Just move, assholes.” She said, already exhausted by the conversation. Julie could see Carrie raise an eyebrow at the boys in her peripheral vision.

Patterson raised his hands in surrender, a grin finally taking over his face in place of the scowl he usually aimed at Julie.

“Alright, alright, but don't say I never did anything for you, Molina. See you in music class, ladies!” He called as he finally dragged Peters and Mercer away from Julie’s locker.

“God, I hate my brother’s dumbass friends.” Carrie grumbled, moving to lean against the locker next to Julie’s.

“They always look like they just crawled out of a bar. It's gross.” Julie shuddered slightly as she opened her locker to get her books.

“I know right! But whatever, enough about them. How have you been? I haven't seen you in, like, a week. How's Carlos? He’s so much more interesting than Bobby.” Carrie asked, a much more pleasant look settling over her features.

“I’m good and so is Carlos. He was excited to get back to school. I think he has a lot of friends in his class this year, and dad agreed to let him go to a public school instead of that awful private school he was in.” Julie said.

“Oh that's great! He's been dying to go to a public school for, like, ever.”

“Yeah. I don't see the big deal though. It's not that great here.”

“That's for sure.” Carrie’s phone buzzed, and she opened it at lightning speed to see who texted her. She chuckled.

“Flynn's late. She said to meet her in class and that she's bringing you your coffee and me my tea.”

“Of course she is. Make sure mine has a-”

“A shot of hazelnut, I know. I already asked.”

“You, Carrie Wilson, are an angel.”

“I know. Now c’mon, we have to get going or we’ll be late too. And you know Levy has a reputation for dealing with late students.”

“Oh yeah, Flynn's dead when she gets here.”

“For sure.”

As Carrie walked away and Julie finished locking up her stuff again, Patterson’s smile lingered in her mind. It was so rarely aimed at her, and infuriating as it was, she did like seeing it. Julie closed her eyes momentarily and huffed out a breath, clearing any image of Patterson from her mind. She wasn't about to think about that boy any longer than necessary.

#jatp #julie and the phantoms #julie and the phantoms fic #jatp fic #juke #willex #flarrie #juke fic

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hopeymchope · 3 years

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World’s End Club demo thoughts

As a follow-up to the ask I recently responded to, I downloaded and played through the demo for World’s End Club last night. It’s just a single level/chapter, and it didn’t take much more than an hour to complete it.

Overall, I really enjoyed it - primarily for how the “Game of Fate” unfurled across the first chapter. Said “Game of Fate” is the much-publicized Fake Death Game, and it centers around a setup that’s reminiscent of Danganronpa 3′s Future Arc. I’ll get into more detail much later after a Spoiler Cut, but suffice to say that everybody starts getting suspicious of one another immediately, and many betrayals occur in short order. The exact nature of how people would get knocked out of the game and why was what kept me most intrigued by the numerous cut scenes. Many people’s wristbands have rules that are tied in with other people’s rules, so there’s a domino effect of causality whenever someone is “eliminated” that quickly became my favorite part of the first chapter’s storytelling setup. Learning the reasons why someone suddenly teams up with a character they don’t get along with or why someone is eliminated for seemingly no reason? That’s a lot of fun.

Pielope the weird floating jester-like thing will be your Monokuma for the demo.

The characters are pretty thin as they are presented in this demo, but obviously it’s WAY too early to really know much about them. There’s even an end-of-demo twist that makes the characters’ behavior in this first level retroactively be even less revealing of their natures. The good news here is that everyone is well-voiced, and that helps them to be likable. Naturally, it’s particularly easy to grow fond of the characters who serve as a lifeline of kindness and sanity while the majority are betraying you.

Unfortunately, although most of the characters are voiced, there is one who isn’t: The protagonist that the player controls, Reycho. He’s one of those “silent protagonists” who isn’t silent at all; he talks, but the player simply never hears what he says. I’ve always disliked silent protagonists in games where everybody else is talking, so this just annoyed me, but it’s hardly a deal-breaker.

Perhaps he has laryngitis, and he’s communicating with surprising effectiveness by flapping his mouth and gesturing emphatically?

The first level consists more of cut scenes than actual side-scrolling gameplay, which is fine with me. Danganronpa games are similarly structured; you spend more time on the Visual Novel elements than on the interactive gameplay side, so this kind of balance is very much in my wheelhouse. Platforming is basically a non-issue in this chapter, and there were only three puzzles to solve in the entirety of the chapter, but hey, I liked them. One was painfully obvious, but the other two took me a little bit of thought. They’re far from hard IMO, but they took enough brain usage to make me feel good for figuring them out. The latest trailer reveals that future chapters will actually include boss fights (!), so that means we’re going to see some combat elements to the gameplay that aren’t even introduced in this demo. Sounds cool.

There are also a couple of “choices” you can make in the first level that can result in early Game Overs (with unique dialogue/scenes) if you do the wrong thing. If you’re a fan of games with multiple endings, I imagine that seeing all of the unique Game Overs could prove pretty entertaining, so this was another aspect I dug.

By the time the demo ends, there is still a ton of mystery around what’s happening in the game. That’s going to be the driving factor in keeping me invested, I suspect. Well, that and the voice acting. Both of those elements are what made me immediately wish I could go on to the next area.

If you want some kind of report on the technical aspects of the game, I can say that it’s got a cool soundtrack and the art style is appealing to me, but that stuff is subjective anyway. Character animations are frequently stiff and awkward, but who cares? If you’ve ever played Zero Escape’s latter two games, you should really expect that by now. :P And hell, the Danganronpa games aren’t animated at all most of the time, so let’s not act like we’re demanding some high-quality mocap in this sort of story. We’re here for the writing and characters more than anything, correct?

Now I’ll actually explain the setup of the “Game of Fate” so that I can complain a little about it. Spoilers for the demo/first level.

Here’s how the Game of Fate works in brief: The cast is trapped in an underwater building-type construct. Each member of the cast is wearing a digital wristband that tells them the “goal” of someone else in the cast. The only way to learn your own goal is to find the person wearing the wristband that states your goal. However, as soon as any one person accomplishes their goal, that person wins and "there can only be one winner,” so it’s probably in your best interest to keep your wristband hidden... if you assume that not winning means you’re automatically a loser. (Note that this is never outright stated by Pielope, although “there can only be one winner” could be argued as implying that the rest become losers.)

The winner gets a “magic key” that can unlock any lock, but it can only be used on a single lock before it “disappears.” Given that they are all trapped in this underwater prison, the obvious place to use the key is the exit door that leads to the surface. As for the losers who get eliminated by failing their goals or rendering them impossible, the cast is told that anyone who “loses” will die. But of course, the creators of the game have already spoiled us on the fact that this is a fake-out. In terms of in-universe logic, however, it makes for a frightening motivator for the kids.

The kids might have been too scared to spot them, but of course I, the player, immediately saw the loopholes here. 1) No one ever says or even implies that only one person can pass through the exit or anything. 2) People who simply don’t reach their goals first (but don’t render them impossible to complete) aren’t automatically called “losers.” Ergo, there is little reason why everybody wouldn’t immediately help one person to complete their goal so that they can all survive and unlock the exit, right? Just walk out the door together! Nobody manages to think of this, though. Alas.

In fairness... near the end of the level/demo, we are given some information hat could be seen as a retroactive explanation for why this didn’t just happen, and I was grateful for it.

#world's end club #world's end club demo #demos #tookyo games #video games #Kotaro Uchikoshi #kazutaka kodaka

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andorwhore · 3 years

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Saudade - IV of VII

Chapter IV of VII: Care

summary: A year in the life of a rebel with a cause and a rebel in search of one… chapter four: Lose has a tendency to bring people close, and that can be daunting.

author’s note: Who hasn’t updated since October? I guess it’s me, the resident asshole author. I took a very long and unexpected break from writing due to school and work, and I still haven’t written any new content unfortunately. But I thought it would be a shame to let this complete chapter sit around unpublished. So, I’m hoping that this will motivate me to finish up this story (and potentially add that new chapter I’ve been considering). And if I never get around to wrapping this fic up, at the very least this is the perfect chapter to leave it on.

pairing: Cassian Andor x OC word count: 11,465 (longest one yet babey) rating: T, eventual R warnings: is ~*~intimacy~*~ something that requires a warning lol

chapter one || chapter two || chapter three || chapter four

[ff.net] [ao3]

taglist: @justanotherblonde23

The Festival of Stars was a celebration Jai was quite familiar with, or at least as familiar as the average person could be. She didn't know the exact origin of the festival week, though she knew it had something to do with interstellar space travel; what she did know with certainty is that every year, the Ring of Kafrene became overloaded with travelers during the holiday, en route to destinations all across the galaxy. On Kafrene, the people took to celebrating it as well, though as Jai got older she realized it was a means of ripping off all the gullible tourists that made pit stops on the colony. Residents of Kafrene were smart to jump on the opportunity, Jai's friends and family included, and ironically enough, because of the locals' investment in playing travelers for fools, the festival in its own way became a part of what little culture Kafrene had.

Jai hadn't expected to hear anything about the festival on Yavin 4. Hell, she all but forgot about the holiday week, the last six months of her life having been all consumed by Alliance business. She first heard someone mention the Festival of Stars just as they were heading back to the base after a mission to a planet called Naator (this being yet another world Jai had no prior knowledge of). She was brought along on the mission as tech support, though Jai was fairly certain she wouldn't be needed.

She had ended up spending a whole day on Naator just sitting in the ship and waiting for her team to return. The most thrilling thing that happened to Jai was when some local animal spooked her as she did an engine check in the morning, and she nearly fried the creature with her blaster. Her team returned successful, and they were off of the planet just as quickly as they had arrived.

As they started on their few hours journey to return back to Yavin 4, one of the team members reminded everyone that the holiday was going on that week, and that they should make a pit stop to pick up a few things to celebrate. Jai listened with intrigue as the group excitedly discussed the festivity, curious to hear about it from the perspective of those that didn't grow up trying to find ways to profit off of the holiday.

Apparently, quite a number of the rebels celebrated it every year, along with the other two Fete Weeks. Jai, of course, didn't know about these other weeks - they had their own dumb holidays back on the Ring of Kafrene, and the Festival of Stars was the only one she knew of that was celebrated in all corners of the galaxy. Rebels, no matter what planet they came from, all seemed to love the holiday, saw it as an opportunity to relax and forget their responsibilities for a while.

Although the festival was traditionally celebrated over the course of five days, the Rebellion only had two evenings unofficially dedicated to it - after all, it wouldn't be very practical if they spent an entire week partying. The "unofficial" part, someone explained to Jai, was because the council of superiors didn't recognize it as any kind of reprieve from work - they were happy to allow their rebels to celebrate, and even happy to take part in the festivities if time allowed, but the Festival of Stars wasn't something marked on everyone's calendars as time off. In the Rebellion, there was no such thing as time off. If someone was lucky enough to have one of the two evenings free, then they were welcome to join in the party.

Jai's team were all planning to attend once they got back to Yavin 4, encouraging the slicer to join them - and Jai was never one to turn down a party.

The Naator mission team ended up going a little crazy during their pit stop on one of the planets in the nearest trading belt - apparently, Jai observed, the Festival of Stars was more like the Festival of Drinking among the rebels. They grabbed everything from spicebrew to malts to drinks that Jai had never even heard of; and, of course, she made sure they grabbed as much Merenzane Gold as they could manage. Jai could only wonder just how much alcohol there would be at base once the other rebels returned from their missions as well, all surely having the same idea as her team.

By the time they returned to Yavin 4, evening was slowly closing in, and the hangar seemed far more crowded than usual - it would seem the partying was far too big for the confines of the mess hall, as the rebels took to setting up out here instead. The Naator team was already buzzing with impatience as the gunship settled on the tarmac, everyone waiting to jump out and join the party that had just begun over on the west side of the hangar. Everyone grabbed up the boxes of alcohol scattered across the ship - Jai made sure she grabbed at least one of the crates of Merenzane.

As she stepped off of the ship, Jai felt a warmth swelling in her chest, hearing her teammates chattering excitedly and the carefree voices of their fellow rebels drifting towards them from the west side. Back home, Jai and her brothers loved the Festival of Stars, and they almost always managed to convince Tillian and Vinis to let them run off amongst the crowds each evening rather than have them work at Vinis' shop in the market (or have them take advantage of the tourists' guards being down). When the three of them were out together, watching the performances other locals put on, hearing the excited chatter of people on the streets, climbing up on rooftops to watch the crowd with interest and awe, they were unstoppable. They always ended those evenings on the roof of their home, staying up into the wee hours of the mornings to watch all of the excitement - up there, they felt as if they were on top of the entire world.

Those were simpler times, before Tillian passed, before Jai's brother ran off with some unscrupulous stranger, when they were still young and hopeful and without a care in the world. Jai missed those days and missed what her family used to be. The holiday didn't feel the same after they lost Tillian, and by the time her brother left, the festival was practically nonexistent to her - they could never go back to the dream of their childhood, and Jai had come to accept that. But as she walked through the hangar with her excited teammates, each with a bit of a skip in their steps, Jai felt as if this could start a new festival tradition for her, one that, though not the same as that of her past, would be just as good. This was the next chapter of her life, and with the next chapter came new things to love and be excited about.

Another half a dozen or so ships had pulled into the hangar after the Naator team, all landing on the opposite end of the hangar from where the enlivened rebels were setting up drinks and tables. Jai was about halfway to her destination when she looked back towards the new ships, but they were too far off for her to immediately identify any of them. Beside her, the team leader, Kinall, asked Jai if she felt steady enough to take another box of alcohol on top of the one she already had - Kinall had to head up to Command to report to her superior about the mission. Jai gave a histrionic sigh, but agreed to take the second crate, readjusting her grip on the box of Merenzane Gold before Kinall set the second box atop it. The captain spun around to head towards the turbolift, Jai watching her walk off while she ensured her grip was steady before continuing towards the party.

"I think you have a drinking problem." a voice teased noncommittally from somewhere behind Jai, causing a smile to pull across her face as she rolled her eyes. Turning around carefully so as not to drop anything, she spotted Cassian and K-2SO approaching her, looking as if they, too, had just returned from a mission. Cassian had a teasing smirk on his lips, and yet the expression didn't even remotely reach his eyes; and, though Kay was expressionless, he still somehow seemed eternally judgmental.

"My only drinking problem is that I haven't had enough yet to deal with you." Jai retorted, looking past Cassian at all the other rebels that had come back from their various missions, wondering briefly if Cassian had gone with a team or if his job had been solo.

Nearly everyone returned with something in hand, most of which Jai was sure had to be booze, though unsurprisingly, Cassian was empty handed.

For another moment, Jai watched the other rebels as most of them walked in her direction, though she noted the few that quickly made their way for the turbolift instead, heads down and expressions distraught. Must have been a sour mission that dampened their mood.

Jai looked between Cassian and the two crates she carried as they began to feel even heavier, "Help a girl out, would you?"

Cassian glanced with disinterest at the boxes in her arms, though Jai could now recognize the waggish glint on his face that, once again, didn't quite seem to reach his eyes, "You look like you've got a handle on it."

She gave him a small glare before turning her eyes up towards K-2SO, but before Jai could say anything, the droid spoke, "Don't assume I'll help you with it."

Jai scoffed, "Such gentlemen…"

She and Cassian met eyes again as he gave a tired, agreeing grin, stepping up to take the top box from her, Jai's arms immediately feeling relieved at the lightened load. As she turned back around for them to head toward the tables, she eyed Cassian curiously, noticing that his posture seemed exhausted and his face worn.

"What, didn't bring anything for the party?" The man looked back at her, his expression a little less amused than before. His lips seemed to press tightly together for a slight second. There was something on his mind, that much Jai could discern, but she was certain that Cassian would avoid mentioning it.

"I have no interest in parties."

Jai shouldn't have been at all surprised by the answer. Of course Cassian wasn't the party going type - he preferred his brooding to having a good time. Ever since their night of drinking two months back, Jai hadn't been able to get him to do so since. Sure, Cassian had a drink here or there that she knew of, but the two haven't since sat down and dedicated a couple of hours to simply drinking and chatting as freely and carelessly as they had back then. That evening caused a shift in their relationship, even if by this point they couldn't exactly remember all of that night.

They were friends now, even if Cassian refused to ever say so out loud. That didn't mean they saw each other everyday nor did they have the chances to make great efforts to spend time together, however, they could both feel it in the way they talked, the way they seemed to feel more at ease with one another, the way they simply seemed to fit together.

Jai had somehow convinced Cassian to spend meals with her and her other friends in the mess hall on a few rare occasions, and when she wasn't busy with something Jai wandered her way to Cassian's ship or up to the control room to take some time to chat with him if she knew he was around base. Neither had been back to the other's dorm, however - that evening months ago was a strange exception, and without saying so they both had a feeling that the next time that happened, it'd be very different from that time before.

Jai liked Cassian - most of the time, she was pretty sure she knew it was just as a friend, but every now and again she caught herself looking at him a certain way, looking at him with a warmth in her chest that she didn't feel often enough to be able to surely identify it. It didn't linger all too often, but when it did it wasn't easy to ignore; Jai could tell herself it was the kind of warmth one felt for a friend, but then she'd catch herself admiring him too closely or getting lost somewhere in her head if someone mentioned his name, and she knew there was no way this warmth was simply one of friendship.

It wasn't a crush - that word certainly felt too juvenile to describe whatever this was. Jai simply saw it as the part of her that got caught up in the "what ifs" - what if we met in a different way in a different place, what if we weren't in this rebellion, what if he wasn't so guarded and distant? The "what ifs" were casual and non committal - they weren't real wants or desires, Jai told herself. They were simple considerations that passed through her mind as if they were foolish impulses, like those pesky voices that asked "what if you just shocked yourself with one of your tools to see what would happen" or "what if you went and jumped out of a ship without taking any precautions?"

And this was a ship that Jai had no intention of jumping out of - it was better if it all just stayed up in her head. She didn't dare let herself wonder if Cassian ever had those random intrusive thoughts - he struck her as the kind of guy who simply didn't have the time for intrusive thoughts. Even when he wasn't busy, his mind was at work, and there was no room for useless thinking as far as she could tell.

So, the fact that Cassian didn't do parties was something Jai could have guessed about him - just like useless thoughts, Cassian didn't seem to have time for useless events either. Though, it was still disappointing to hear from him, because Jai saw Cassian as someone that was in desperate need of some lighthearted fun every now and again.

Jai hummed as they set the crates atop a table full of alcohol of all varieties, other rebels already swarming to grab some for themselves, "That's a shame, I really could use someone to help me drink all this Merenzane."

As she grinned at Cassian, Jai snagged a bottle of her favorite drink before they could all disappear. Cassian glanced at the bottle before his eyes flicked back up to meet Jai's for a moment with a raised brow; he looked behind himself at Kay as if he could get Cassian out of this party, but the damned droid had already retreated with disinterest.

"You'll have to find another drinking partner, Jai." He replied plainly… no, it wasn't plain, he sounded exhausted; he knew, though, that the woman almost surely wasn't going to accept his answer. Jai was persistent when she wanted to be, and something about Cassian always seemed to make her more tenacious than she usually was. Cassian discovered that, apparently, after making some passing comment to someone about Jai's persistence, she was never so stubborn with others, as his comment surprised the rebel he was talking to. She must have reserved all of that tiresome stubbornness for him and him alone. Upon discovering that, Cassian repeatedly had to stop himself from overthinking what that meant.

Cassian could tell from the look in Jai's eyes that she was about to attempt to persuade him to stay for a little while, and he could also see that she was hoping that she'd succeed. Giving her his own resolute look, Cassian turned his shoulder and started walking out of the crowd of other rebels.

"You know you can relax every now and again." Jai's voice chimed up from right alongside him; she sounded caring, as if she wasn't simply asking for his company, but asking for him to be at ease for once, "Maybe a party would be good for you."

"I think not." He glanced down at her. His tone nor his expression were either harsh or dismissive, but that weariness Jai spotted earlier seemed almost more present in his eyes, "I have to go debrief with Draven."

Jai couldn't argue with that particular point, knowing it to be true, though she was sure a debriefing couldn't take up much of his time. She sighed a little through her nose as she looked down at the Merenzane she was carrying. Something seemed to be bothering Cassian, or maybe this last mission was just so draining that he couldn't commit himself to socializing.

"Come back down for one drink?" She tried one final time, seeing the consideration on Cassian's face when she looked back toward him.

A part of Cassian wanted to say yes. Despite how awful he felt, and despite his complete lack of interest in the Festival of Stars, a part of him wanted to agree to a drink with some good company. He began to consider that maybe a drink is exactly what his drained heart needed right now, what his weathered mind could use. Though he wasn't keen on joining a pointless party, Cassian felt some kind of pull towards spending time with Jai, especially given the way she looked at him with such hopefulness. Whether that be because he was fond of her or because he knew he had something important to say to her, he wasn't sure.

After all these months, Jai had become a friend, though her tactics were relatively new ones to him - any time she was told "Cassian doesn't do this" or "Cassian doesn't like that," she blatantly did whatever those things were to challenge them, to test them and see if they were true or if simply no one else dared to try to get any closer to him.

Cassian would have expected himself to become annoyed by Jai's persistence, but despite himself he found that he respected it, found that he even came to genuinely like it - because he kept so many people at arm's length, he was refreshed by Jai's resolve to get to know him, to be his friend and to see him open up. Sure, Jai's disregard for his space could occasionally be a pain in his ass, but more often than not it turned out to be exactly what Cassian needed in a companion, in a friend, in… well, he didn't want to consider what she could be beyond a friend.

Jai raised one brow as a grin spread across her lips - Cassian's silent consideration was a promising reaction, she had come to learn. The silence meant he was interested in her offer, at least to some degree, he just simply didn't want to admit so. As he recognized the look on Jai's face, Cassian sighed with an indignant roll of his eyes.

He lifted his index finger between them for emphasis, "One drink."

Jai's smile grew wider as she motioned with her head towards the turbolift, hoping her smile would help lift some of that obvious stress off of his shoulders, "Go take care of your debriefing, captain."

The trace of a sad smile pulled at Cassian's face as he turned away from the woman to make his retreat. Jai watched him go with a content expression, eyeing her friend closely until finally the doors of the lift closed, only catching at the very last second that there appeared to be some kind of a sadness in his eyes.

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Jai had a feeling Cassian was going to flake on her.

Captain Kinall from Jai's mission already returned to the hangar, and the woman had gone up to command only a few minutes before Cassian. She'd been back long enough to finish one drink, and Jai found herself wondering if Cassian's debriefing had run over, or if he changed his mind and went back to his dorm without telling her.

She shouldn't be upset at him. It felt childish, this anxiety that bubbled in Jai's chest as she considered why Cassian didn't show. If he didn't want to join her for a drink, then so be it - she shouldn't let herself get upset over that, it was far too out of character.

But a small, nagging part of Jai was, at the very least, disappointed - despite how uneventful their conversations could be sometimes, she nonetheless was looking forward to getting some time with Cassian tonight. She always looked forward to even the briefest of minutes she got to see him.

Jai sat at one of the tables dragged out for the party, Abe and Miona across from her, and beside her another doctor named Pek. For what felt like the hundredth time, Miona was encouraging Abe to talk to another rebel that he fancied, and Pek was telling Miona and Jai to stop pestering him about it.

Of all the twi'leks Jai had met through the years, Abe was by far the most peculiar - the twi'leks back on Kafrene always seemed bold, fearless, and without any hesitation, but Abe was constantly getting caught up in his own head, always questioning and calculating everything before coming to any decision. It's what Jai found charming about him; the fact that he shared that quality with her younger brother is what drew her to Abe in the first place.

"Jai," Miona's voice stressed, drawing her friend from her daze - stupidly, Jai had been staring at the turbolift and once more got caught up wondering where Cassian was. Jai quickly collected herself, looking around the table, "Tell Abe he just needs to go talk to Chiri."

Jai could see Pek and Abe both roll their eyes, and the slicer gave a half-assed grin, "Abe, tonight is kind of the perfect night to go for it, what could go wrong?"

"I'm not going to make an idiot of myself trying to flirt with anyone." Abe argued nervously, looking tired to be having this conversation yet again.

Jai shrugged noncommittally, lifting her glass to her lips, "Then stop ogling her every time you see her - she might start to notice you."

Miona laughed good-naturedly, setting her hand on Abe's forearm as reassurance.

"Leave him alone, you guys." Pek rolled her eyes at them, giving Jai a little jab with her elbow, "We've had this conversation a thousand times already."

Jai gave her friend a nudge back, the corner of her mouth pulled up slightly, "Fine, fine, I promise no more talking about Chiri."

"You don't make promises." Miona scoffed around the rim of her glass.

Jai paused before nodding in agreement, raising her glass, "You got me there."

Jai's eyes drifted back toward the turbolift, and she mentally reprimanded herself for it - she shouldn't let Cassian trouble her. It was a stupid thing to keep focusing on; she was here with her friends, so why let one man's disinterested agreement to make an appearance linger in her thoughts?

A minute later, the turbolift doors opened, and dumbly Jai perked up a little, only to be immediately let down when she saw it wasn't Cassian. She hoped the others didn't notice her.

She sighed a little through her nose, knocking back the rest of the Merenzane in her glass in one swift swig before she started chewing on the inside of her lip, her brows pulled into a slight glare as she started down at her empty glass.

This was stupid. Why did she get herself excited for Cassian in the first place? They were friends, but they weren't that close. And yet, Jai felt a distinct fondness, a feeling of closeness despite knowing they weren't that. It was that draw she felt to him, the one stirred up when she started thinking "what if" again - it was the things in her head overriding what was going on in reality. She just needed to relax and have another drink, and the rebel captain would be forgotten for the remainder of the evening.

And yet… Jai felt some distinct pull to the man this evening, something she couldn't shake. It had to have been that look in his eyes earlier - Cassian looked exhausted despite putting up at least a decent front of impassivity, he looked downcast despite trying to make jokes to keep Jai off his scent. Maybe she should have read his body language better - he was probably so drained from whatever his latest job was, both emotionally and physically, that there was no way he could try to take part in socializing tonight.

'I don't think he's okay.' The thought suddenly struck Jai, though she tried to dismiss it as being her own anxiety just creating extra worry. Cassian was probably as fine as one could be after a rough mission, he just didn't care about this party. But then again, he seemed more off than usual earlier, like he was not entirely there despite trying to pretend he was.

Jai came back to reality again, looking around the table at her friends, wondering if they had noticed just how long she'd been silent. Miona seemed to give her a look of at least recognition that she had zoned out, but it wasn't a knowing expression as if she could figure out what was on Jai's mind. Jai sighed a little, glancing at her glass again before pushing up from the table without entirely thinking about it.

"I need another drink." The group's eyes drew toward her, and Abe lifted his own glass and shook it a little.

"Grab another for me, too?"

Jai nodded, though she wasn't entirely sure she'd be back to the table any time soon; but she didn't want them being suspicious about her disappearance, at least not from the get-go. As her friends returned to their discussion, Jai glanced back towards the turbolift as she started walking away - she knew she had herself convinced that something wasn't right, and now there was no shaking that though. Her legs carried her toward one of the tables full of drinks, but as she glanced down at it, she had no interest in refilling her glass.

Jai sighed - it looked like she was going to search for the rebel captain after all.

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Cassian wasn't sure when he had zoned out or how long he had been sitting still as a statue on the edge of his bed, but a knock at his door drew him out of his daze. As he blinked rapidly a few times, the knocking sounded again - how long had someone been at his door? Cassian's eyes drifted toward it, staring weakly - he was too exhausted to deal with anyone right now, and there wasn't anything that could be that important right now.

"Cassian." A voice sounded from the other side, causing his brows to perk and his back to straighten in recognition - Jai. She came looking for him, much to his own surprise.

When he agreed to return to the hangar, he was still on the fence about whether or not he'd even show, about whether or not he wanted to tell Jai what was on his mind. When he returned to his room to clean up after his meeting with Draven, Cassian knew he didn't have the emotional energy to put up with a crowd, even if it were just for a few minutes. He figured Jai would be content with her friends and forget all about asking him to show up, but evidently his assumption was false.

Cassian pushed his elbows off of his bare knees, staring at the door again as he sighed, deciding whether or not he even wanted to get up. Jai's knocking had stopped - did she give up? Despite himself, Cassian felt a certain disappointment, imagining Jai sighing on the opposite side of his door and walking away in defeat - maybe he wanted to talk to her, maybe he wanted some company. No, he wasn't the type that ever wanted someone around, especially not when he felt like shit as he was feeling tonight. Yet, something in him wanted to let Jai in.

Cassian rose to his feet while pushing his damp hair off of his forehead, hurrying to his small closet to dig out a pair of sweatpants, which he stumbled his legs into as he made for the door. As one hand finished pulling them up, the other snatched his discarded jacket from where he'd dropped it onto the floor.

He stuck his head out the door, seeing that Jai had, in fact, begun to retreat down the hall. For a moment, he simply stared at the back of her head, wondering what exactly he wanted - should he let her go, or should he call out to her? Why did he even go to his door to begin with? And why did he feel this craving for company somewhere in his chest, a craving for Jai's company?

"Jai?" His voice was quieter than he expected, and Cassian wondered if the slicer even heard him. But she paused and turned back, a small grin on her face as her eyes fell on the man that was halfway out in the hall. Upon spotting his damn hair and semi-bare chest, Jai looked Cassian up and down while he finished jerking the jacket over his shoulders; she quirked a brow slightly before looking back at his face while approaching.

"I thought you were gonna stand me up." She teased, making a joke out of the very real disappointment that she had been feeling earlier. As she paused in front of him, though, Jai noticed the conflict in Cassian's expression that had been there all night.

"… I thought about it." He admitted while looking into his room, silently leading Jai back inside. Just like before, she looked around the space, noticing this time though that there was a trail of discarded clothes leading towards the refresher. Her eyes turned back up toward Cassian, who stood between his bed and his closet, his head turned in consideration, as if deciding whether to face her or turn away, whether to remain on his feet or sit down. Despite the man giving no real clues, Jai knew there was something off about Cassian tonight, she just couldn't put her finger on why that was.

The two were quiet for a nearly uncomfortable length of time, Cassian's back still turned to her as they both stood dumbly in the middle of the room. So, Jai thought, she had been right to come looking for him, though she felt bad for her immature worry over why he didn't show.

"So, I take it you don't want that drink tonight." Jai finally said in a somewhat serious tone, though the answer was already obvious. She moved to take a seat on the couch, eyes still watching Cassian attentively as he finally turned to face her. He didn't have to say anything, Jai saw in his expression the confirmation she needed - it wasn't a good night. He was no longer putting up the front he had on down in the hangar as the two stared at each other for another long beat, Cassian hoping that he simply looked tired rather than distraught. But the observant shine in Jai's eyes made it clear to Cassian that he had been figured out.

Jai bit the inside of her cheek, wondering what she should say next - she never was one for serious conversations, especially when she knew the topic was something unideal. She especially wasn't prepared to have one with Cassian, and she wondered why the hell the man let her into his room - he wasn't the type who'd want to share an upsetting conversation with just anyone. Should she just go and leave him be?

"What happened?" Jai heard herself ask without thinking, her brow furrowed in worry. Another long silence stretched out between them; Cassian stared into Jai's eyes for a moment, but eventually looked down at his bare feet, hands resting on his hips as he let out a small sigh.

"It's nothing." He said, his tone nearly convincing - it would have convinced someone else to drop the subject, but Jai could see that this wasn't nothing, and she was never one to immediately give up, especially not with Cassian. Jai nodded while looking away, though she didn't accept his answer. Her eyes fell on the trail of clothes again as she considered.

"Look, I'm shit at this, but… do you need to talk about it?" She turned her gaze back toward Cassian, who was motionless as his tired eyes continued to look at her with reservation. Cassian knew he needed to tell her. Sure, Jai would have heard about this eventually, he already knew the information would make its rounds tomorrow - she should just wait till then. But something about it still nagged at him, something that felt as if it were important for him to discuss it with her now before it was too late. He had to be the one to tell her. it wouldn't be right if she heard it from anyone else, but he didn't know how he'd do it.

Finally, he shook his head slowly, his jaw tight as practiced authority briefly lit his eyes, though it only lingered for a moment. Jai in return gave a disheartened nod, pushing herself back up to her feet as her eyes continued to search Cassian's doleful face, her own worry evident in her expression.

As she took one defeated step towards the door, though, Cassian found himself taking a step forward as well, causing Jai to pause and look back at him. For a moment, Cassian sucked in his lips as he studied the woman's expression. There was yet again another long silence between them as they stared into each other's eyes unblinking.

Finally, Cassian took a deep breath, his voice quiet, "It's Gar."

Immediately, Jai's eyes widened with worry, nearly gasping as she inhaled through her nose - once she started to realize how dire Cassian's mood was, she feared that this was something she wouldn't want to hear, and the dread of that suddenly weighed heavily in her stomach.

If Gar was… Jai didn't even want to think the word. If he was, then that would be the first Rebellion casualty that would leave a mark on her heart. Jai knew others had passed in her six months as a rebel technician, but none of them she knew - though Jai tried to be at the very least friendly with each person that crossed her path, she knew only a sliver of the people on Yavin 4.

She wasn't like Cassian - she didn't feel connected to every single person here, she didn't feel weighed down every time another rebel didn't return home, she didn't let those losses linger. So many had been lost and Jai simply accepted it while moving on, knowing it came with the territory and finding it hard to feel anything when she didn't even know the person.

But Gar? A man who had been a boss and a mentor to her, who had been nearly a brotherly figure as of recent? She almost didn't want to hear what Cassian would say next.

Jai didn't even feel her feet move beneath her as she closed the distance between her and Cassian, pausing only a few inches in front of him as her wide eyes stared up into his. Those dark eyes were practically begging him to not utter what she feared, begging him to say he was just pulling her leg. But Cassian's downcast expression didn't change as he stared back at her.

"We got separated," Cassian started, his voice a dismal monotone, "The Empire got to him and Halu before we could."

Jai's next breath came out shaky, her wide eyes dropping to stare at Cassian's chest, afraid to look into his eyes for fear of losing her composure. Her mouth hung open slightly as she tried to process the information, but she could feel herself trembling as the grief started to creep in. Her hands began to wring at her sides, eyes slowly beginning to water. But tears didn't fall as she tried to blink them away - no, even in her worst moments, Jai had always been good about holding them back, about reeling herself in before she became a complete mess. The last time she cried in front of anyone was the day Tillian died. And just like what happened that day, what happened to Gar was completely out of Jai's control, and that silent mantra is what kept her even slightly stable as she stood here now, even if she knew that stability was only temporary.

Jai found herself warily looking up into Cassian's face again, a part of her desperate to reach out to him, but she continued to stand there stiffly, feeling her body ache suddenly as if she'd just run a marathon, exhausted and ready to collapse.

Cassian, though still obviously feeling that deep disappointment, had had at least some time to accept what happened - the ship ride back to Yavin 4 gave him and his team some time to mourn. As a captain, he had to be the grounding strength for everyone else whenever missions went awry, and having to do that through the years helped him develop his own means of coping with distress. But staring down at Jai as she tried to process the information, dealing with the emotions of a loss one-on-one rather than with a team, threatened to turn his exhaustion back into grief.

Silently, Cassian reached out to set a light hand on Jai's wrist, his pinky barely resting in her palm, but his touch caused her to start in surprise and jerk back from him. Her eyes widened a little as she met his stare, taking in another deep, shuttered breath as she tried to calm herself, holding her arm in her other hand as if Cassian's delicate touch had burned her. Slowly, she turned away and dropped down to sit on Cassian's bed as if she couldn't hold herself up any longer, her shoulders sagging and her head hanging lowly to hide her face from Cassian.

Jai never liked to be touched when she was emotional, ever since she was a kid she shied from it - if someone ever tried to offer her comfort, it often opened up the floodgates, and the last thing she wanted was to be blubbering in anyone's arms. Before she could even think about letting someone comfort her or talk to her about what she was feeling, Jai first had to deal with the pain herself, and if that meant running from the comfort of others, then so be it. And despite that part of her that wanted to reach out, that wanted to cling to the person nearest to her, Jai couldn't bring herself to do it - being so raw and vulnerable in front of anyone else terrified her.

Cassian stared at Jai knowingly, studying her pained expression as he felt his own fatigue from the day rising up again. He hesitated to move, even if it was to walk to his couch or to the seat in his kitchen - he didn't want to startle Jai again. So, once more, he stood stock-still, watching and waiting patiently.

A few long minutes passed in thick silence before Jai suddenly stood and darted into Cassian's refresher with barely any time for him to process that she had jumped up. His concerned eyes lingered on the closed door briefly before he finally started moving again, his knees feeling stiff as he walked to his kitchenette for a glass of water. He sighed as he chugged it down, having not realized how dry his mouth was beginning to feel.

He couldn't have anticipated that he'd feel so awful having to tell Jai what happened - Cassian had dealt with loss through the years, and had dealt with telling others about loss more times than he could count. Though it never necessarily got any easier, Cassian had grown accustomed to being the bearer of bad news, to seeing his fellow rebels mourn. And yet, something about this last time hurt more than it should have, something in Jai's eyes stung unexpectedly when she pulled away from him.

Jai had done something to him, though Cassian couldn't quite say what that was. Some time between their last night alone together and this one, Cassian started to feel something unfamiliar for the woman, and that something made it so much harder to see her broken and despairing, retreating from his touch and hiding on the opposite side of the door from him. Cassian was surprised to find that he wished he could be right there by Jai's side and consoling her as she mourned.

Despite himself, Cassian hated that he had to tell Jai, though he also couldn't have allowed anyone else to tell her. It had to be him, that much he knew, but that only made it somehow hurt more when he watched her face crumble.

Cassian refilled his glass and shuffled back towards his bed, taking a long sip of water once he sat down. His eyes drifted back towards the refresher door as he set the cup aside, feeling a pull to rise back to his feet and check on Jai. But he knew better than to try - he had to leave her be. For all he cared, Jai could keep herself locked up in his refresher all damn night, and he still wouldn't disturb her.

Once Cassian had finished his second glass of water, he looked down at the jacket he had quickly thrown on when Jai knocked at his door, slowly pulling it off of himself and dropping it in the pile of dirty clothes he stripped off earlier, wanting to simply lie back, let out a deep sigh, and close his eyes for a while. But as his gaze lingered on the pile that sat just before the refresher door, he tiredly pushed himself to his feet, knowing he shouldn't leave it there for Jai to accidentally trip over on her way out. He quickly hid all his dirty clothes away and retrieved a fresh tank top, hearing the door open behind him just as he had pulled it over his head.

Cassian turned to look at Jai as he pulled the shirt down his torso, noticing immediately that she wasn't looking at his face but rather at his chest, even if for a split second. Though there were bags under her tired eyes, Jai looked a little more refreshed - he could tell she had been crying and that she tried to clean herself up to hide the evidence of it. Her face and hairline were damp from splashing water onto her skin, and her eyes even had a different quality to them now. Through their tiredness, her eyes looked a little brighter and clearer - maybe she was trying to shove away any pain she was feeling. But her energy, too, had shifted, and Cassian felt a little less rigid than before - he was reminded that this wasn't the first loss Jai had dealt with, and it looked as if she had found a way of coping with the pain life threw at her.

The two stared at one another once more, studying the other's expression thoughtfully. Jai gave Cassian a weak, cagey smile, one that made the sadness in her eyes a touch more obvious - he suspected the look was to reassure herself rather than him. She let out a slight sigh and finally stepped back into the room, slowly approaching Cassian, once more coming to a pause only about a foot in front of him. She looked down while licking her dry lips, her eyes darting back and forth as if she were searching for the words that clearly wanted to leave her mouth.

Her eyes finally met his again through her lashes, "… Thanks for telling me." Her voice was quiet, and Cassian's brows rose a little at the words, "I wouldn't want to hear it from anyone else."

Cassian felt an unexpected stutter in his chest before he spoke slowly, his tone as quiet as hers, "I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to tell you."

Jai gave a slight nod in understanding as she looked down again, her eyes falling onto one of Cassian's hands as his thumb slid across the pads of his fingers edgily. She reached out and grabbed his hand firmly, drawing Cassian's surprised eyes down to their point of contact as well. Neither of them moved for a few long moments until finally Cassian gave Jai's fingers a reassuring squeeze. A faint sad smile ghosted across her lips again as she looked back up at his face, studying his features fondly, and despite how emotional they both were, Cassian nonetheless felt a warmth stir in his chest thanks to the look Jai was giving him.

"Draven wants me to tell your department tomorrow." Cassian started as his eyes returned to linger on their joined hands, "Chase is going to take over as supervisor."

Jai nodded, pushing down the lump that dared to rise in her throat again, "Chase'll be great, Gar trained her well."

Cassian turned his warm eyes back up to Jai's face, surveying her expression carefully as he thought, "Do you want to take tomorrow off?"

"No," she gave him a quick, reassuring smile and a shake of her head, and Cassian wasn't sure if he was imagining it or if Jai did move a touch closer, "I'll be better if I keep busy. I don't need you treating me any different than the rest of the hangar techs."

Her words weren't accusatory but thankful and appreciative that Cassian even asked her the question - if Jai needed evidence that Cassian had any interest in her, that was it. Cassian showing that kind of care to her eliminated any doubt Jai had regarding their friendship.

Jai squeezed Cassian's hand before slowly pulling away, her fingers gliding across his almost as if she didn't want to let go. Cassian's fingers clenched slightly, finding that he suddenly missed her touch. Jai took a single step back, sighing as she looked around the room while in thought.

"I should go." Her tone nearly contradicted her words, as if she disdained to even say them. But she was drained from the news about Gar, and she was certain that Cassian was as well - they both could use some good rest. She took another couple of steps before turning on her heel, and once more Cassian found himself taking a step forward.

"You could stay." Jai's eyes turned back to meet his, a questioning look in them. Cassian's expression was softer than she'd ever seen it, "Maybe we could both use the company."

A contented smile spread across Jai's lips, a warmth rising in her chest that helped to ease some of the pain that had been weighing on her just minutes prior.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Cassian awoke to the sound of blankets ruffling and Jai breathing unevenly. He wasn’t sure what time it was or what time the two had finally fallen asleep, but without checking the clock he was almost certain it was very early morning. Cassian had been a light sleeper almost his entire life, so although Jai’s movements probably would not have disturbed most people, she was just loud enough for his ears to prick up and notice.

Though the room was nearly pitch black, when he turned his head Cassian could tell Jai was still on the couch where he had left her, having not heard her rise from it. He insisted, once he started to see how tired Jai was, that she take his bed, but she just as adamantly argued that his cramped little couch would be fine, seeing as she was shorter so it would be less uncomfortable for her. Though Cassian tried to argue, he knew Jai wouldn’t budge, so at the very least he gave her his good blanket, hoping it would be some comfort to her.

For a minute, he simply lied still listening -- after Jai’s initial movement, which must have been her sitting up and rearranging, she hardly made a sound. If it weren’t for her uneven breathing, Cassian would have suspected that she had fallen back asleep; but those uneven breaths were shaky, as if the loss of Gar was coming right back up and threatening to wear so deeply at her mind that she couldn’t sleep again.

Cassian debated whether or not to say something, whether or not he should sit up and ask if she wanted to talk, wanted some kind of comfort. Maybe she had a nightmare that roused her, and maybe she’d simply want to be left alone; but maybe this time she’d want to talk to him.

As he heard Jai shift around again, as if fighting to find a comfortable position but to no avail, Cassian finally spoke up, his voice thick with sleep, “Jai.”

He heard the slightest of surprised noises escape her, and if he were looking Cassian was sure the startled look on Jai’s face might be mildly comical.

“I’m sorry,” Jai whispered, “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Cassian propped himself onto his elbows to look in her direction, though because of the darkness he still could only just make out Jai’s silhouette, “I’m a light sleeper. You alright?”

“Fine…” Her tone wasn’t entirely convincing, but at least she didn’t sound as sad as Cassian feared she would -- she just sounded tired, “Just woke up suddenly. Must’ve been something in my dream, I guess.”

Cassian could see the way Jai slumped down a little, again making a feeble attempt at getting comfortable, “Or maybe your body’s protesting against the couch.”

Jai let out a huffed laugh, rolling her eyes, “My back does suddenly feel like it’s aged a couple of decades.”

Cassian sat upright, and he could feel Jai’s eyes trying to make out his silhouette in the darkness as well. As he grinned at Jai’s response, he stared in her general direction for a couple of moments, “Let’s trade.”

“You think your back will manage any better on this thing?” Her voice sounded humored by the suggestion, “Stay put, Andor.”

Cassian nearly laughed as he started to push himself out of the bed, retrieving his glass from the bedside table while shuffling towards the kitchen, which supplied the one small bit of light into the room from an emergency light that sat on the wall above the bar between the kitchen and the rest of the living space.

“I don’t think I’ll be falling asleep again too soon.” He said while refilling his cup. Turning back to the room, he could make Jai out a little better now that he was closer, and he held the glass in her direction, “Thirsty?”

Without answering, Jai lifted herself off the couch and padded over towards Cassian, circling the bar to retrieve the glass from his outstretched hand while leaning her hip against the counter. Cassian mirrored her position, though he rested some of his weight on his palm atop the bar as well as he stared into her face. Cassian could now make out her features just a little thanks to the faint light and their proximity to one another -- the outlines of her nose and lips, the slight glint of the light reflecting in her eyes. He looked down at her throat as he heard her swallow back nearly the entire glass of water.

Jai felt Cassian watching her far too closely, and yet she didn’t feel as uncomfortable under his gaze as she normally would have. As she set the cup carefully on the counter, she, too, stared up at him, trying to make out as much of his face as possible in the minimal lighting. Silence lingered between them as they stood there, neither having anything to say.

Though he could see her arm move from where it was crossed with the other, Cassian still jumped just slightly when he felt Jai’s hand slide over his, her thumb faintly rubbing circles on the outside of his wrist. He glanced down at their connected hands before finding the glint of her eyes again.

“Thank you, again, Cass.” Just like the first time, the gentle delivery of the unexpected nickname caused a shiver to work it’s way up Cassian’s spine. He hoped Jai didn’t notice.

“There’s nothing to thank me for.” He answered in a similarly quiet tone, tilting his head down slightly; he couldn’t help but feel guilty about what happened to Gar. The expert technician rarely went into the field anymore, but Cassian allowed him to go on this mission because the man showed interest. If Cassian had just told him no, Gar would still be here. Jai had no reason to thank him a second time, let alone the first time from earlier in the evening.

All of Cassian’s attention briefly focused on where Jai’s thumb still brushed delicately against his skin -- how was it possible that the touch simultaneously calmed him and made his heart beat just a little louder in his ears?

Jai shrugged, attempting to speak jocularly, “You didn’t give me shit about crying in your ‘fresher and you let me stay here -- that’s worth some thanks.”

Cassian couldn’t help the small step forward he took, moving in even closer to Jai than he already was -- something about the dismissiveness of her earlier upset bothered him, “Your feelings are not a joke, Jai.”

The seriousness of his tone took Jai by surprise, causing her to look up at him curiously, though Cassian couldn’t quite make out the expression in the darkness. He could tell her eyes were burning into him, and he stared right back with just as much weight. He found his mind focusing back on her hand atop his -- Jai’s thumb had already stopped moving, but it felt as if her grip tightened just slightly. In that same moment, Cassian became acutely aware of how close he had moved to her, how he felt an almost static energy bouncing between them. Without her saying so, Cassian knew Jai felt it as well.

Jai lightly exhaled through her nose, her next words taking Cassian by surprise, “If someone asked me six months ago if I’d ever care about you, Cassian, I would have laughed in their face.”

Jai could see the faint light bounce off of Cassian’s teeth as he smiled unexpectedly at the remark, causing a grin to pull across her own lips. Cassian considered her for just a moment with fondness, “If someone had asked me, I would have done the same thing.”

The admissions caused them both to laugh smally, but it also felt like another spark of static surged between them. They stared at each other for another brief beat before Jai dropped her gaze to the darkness between them, feeling her heart beating far too heavily against her chest. Little did she know that Cassian’s heart was pounding just as quickly.

Did he understand the full weight of the meaning in her confession? Did she? Jai was surprised by her own admission, by the way her heart drummed in her ears, by this sudden need to lean into the man before her. The pull she felt towards Cassian seemed so much more palpable then it had been before, as if she could no longer keep it at bay; Jai knew she was doomed to succumb to that unfamiliar fluttery sensation in her stomach.

She called on her courage that felt as if it were trying to evade her, her voice coming out quieter and even hesitant as she looked up through her lashes, though thanks to the dark Cassian didn’t notice, “… I probably care about you more than I should.”

A weight felt as if it dropped in Cassian’s stomach, the confession seeming to echo between his ears as his heart drummed off-rhythm against his rib cage. His eyes widened in surprise and he stared intensely and unblinkingly at Jai, feeling his free hand twitch with some unfamiliar need to reach towards her, as if he still had to search for something to clarify what her words meant.

He realized then exactly what it was that had been building up inside of him, what these nerves were that only seemed to pop up when Jai was around. Cassian had had an understanding of what he was beginning to feel towards Jai, but in the past he was able to suppress it and shove it aside, to pretend it was unimportant, that it would pass. With the woman in question standing here mere inches before him, owning up to her own feelings, his weren’t quite as easy to ignore.

Cassian dipped his head, hoping it would draw Jai to look back up towards him as he leaned a little closer in search of her gaze. He understood exactly what Jai had meant, and yet he wanted to ask her, to hear the explanation exactly as she meant it to be understood. He wanted to hear it straight from her lips.

Jai continued to stare up at Cassian through her lashes, her stomach knotting when he moved in closer to her. If either of them moved any further, she would be leaning into him, her forehead pressed to his cheek, losing all traces of distance between their bodies. Despite trying to keep herself together, Jai’s breath came out in a waver that she tried to control, and she knew there was no way Cassian could have missed it.

In a brief moment of confidence, Jai slid her hand from it’s spot atop Cassian’s, fingertips slowly gliding over his forearm and securing a grip on his bicep. In the same second that she gave his upper arm a slight squeeze, as if to assure herself that he was really right there in front of her and that this conversation was really happening, Cassian’s hand steadily reached up and found a secure hold at the nape of her neck, his fingers twisting delicately in her dark locks and pulling her head back. For a beat, they breathed in unison, a shared look of yearning in their eyes as Cassian briefly pressed his forehead to Jai’s, giving them both one last moment to consider what was about to happen.

And then their lips met frantically, noses bumping and teeth nearly clashing together, neither certain who moved first as their need for one another took charge. Cassian’s lips were rough against her own, but the sharp taste of him drew a sigh from Jai’s throat, her free hand moving to grip the front of his t-shirt, pulling herself even closer as if he was her oxygen supply. Cassian’s tongue licked across her lower lip in a frenzied response, the heat of her body seeming to engulf him as she drew him nearer, her other hand jumping up to securely rest against his cheek.

Cassian’s arm wrapped around Jai’s narrow waist desperately, his palm pressing her flush against him while the fingers in her hair tightening their grip, twisting a little. An eager sound rumbled in his chest as he slipped his tongue between her lips, tangling with her own heatedly, feeling Jai grab at him with urgency, the scratch of her nails along his torso stirring a second moan from his throat.

As their kiss grew deeper, each feeling drunk off of the other, Cassian pressed forward until he had Jai’s back pinned against the bar, his hands snaking down her body with groping fingers that needed to feel every inch of her, his lips not straying from hers for even a second. When he found a secure grip on her ass, Cassian swiftly lifted Jai up onto the counter, causing a slight moan to escape her as he pressed himself against the warmth between her legs.

Jai’s fingers threaded messily into Cassian’s hair, nails scratching against his scalp as he finally pulled his mouth from hers, Jai gasping for air as he hardly paused for breath before starting to leave open-mouthed kisses along her jaw and down her neck, his teeth scraping hungrily against warm skin. He bit down lightly on the side of Jai’s neck, causing her to gasp and arch her back, the press of her breasts against his chest encouraging Cassian to nibble at her skin again before sucking it between his lips to leave a faint bruise. Jai let out another clipped moan as Cassian’s wandering hands squeezed her ass and pressed her forward against him as he gave a firm roll of his hips. His own shuddered groan muffled against Jai’s collarbone, his breath fiery hot on her skin.

Cassian worked his way back up to Jai’s mouth, nipping at her skin before finally crashing onto Jai’s waiting lips again. One of his hands trailed up her side, giving extra care to press firmly against her breast before continuing up to settle against her cheek, desperate to somehow pull her closer than she already was. Cassian pressed forward hungrily as Jai slipped her slick tongue back into his mouth with a smile pulling at her lips, leaning back under him until she finally let her weight fall onto her elbow. Cassian braced himself on his forearm as he continued to urge Jai down onto her back, the two moaning in unison as he gave another slow roll of his hips against her. As Jai lay flat on the counter, Cassian’s hand pulled away from her cheek, the delicate trailing of his fingers causing a shiver to travel up Jai’s spine as his hand found its way to her own. Jai desperately deepened the kiss as they laced their fingers together, slowly moving their joined hands above Jai’s head.

Their hands bumped into something that they didn’t spare a second thought for until it suddenly crashed down onto the floor, causing Jai to jolt up with a gasp, bumping into Cassian’s forehead before he could pull back from her.

“Shit.” He hissed in surprise, the hand that had been laced with Jai’s now pressed to his forehead. He continued to linger over Jai, the both of them trying to collect themselves and catch their breath, the air red hot between them. They met eyes, their breath mingling, and gently Cassian lowered his forehead to rest against Jai’s delicately, his hand finding a new resting place at the base of her neck.

Despite herself, a pure laugh sprang out of Jai, her amused smile wide as she closed her eyes, nearly embarrassed, “We broke your glass.”

A beaming smile crossed Cassian’s lips as well as he laughed, his nose brushing against Jai’s as he answered breathily, his accent thicker, “Doesn’t matter.”

He leaned forward to brush his lips against Jai’s briefly, pulling back far enough to look into her eyes again, his chest still heaving against hers. Slowly, he pushed himself up, his hands finding a resting place atop Jai’s thighs, his thumbs rubbing slow circles into the fabric of the sweatpants he let her borrow. For a moment longer, Jai stayed on her back, her hands sliding their way up Cassian’s forearms, fingertips pressing firmly into his skin as an eased smile tugged at her lips.

“Come here.” Cassian’s gentle yet commanding tone caused Jai’s middle to tighten with need, just the timbre of his voice alone causing her to let out a yearning sigh. Her hands secured around Cassian’s biceps again and used him as leverage to pull herself up, bringing her nose within centimeters of his as she sat up.

Cassian sighed contentedly, his breath brushing against Jai’s skin as he thought for a few long moments; he couldn’t find the words for any of his thoughts, so instead he pressed his lips tenderly to hers, one of his hands rising to cup her cheek affectionately. Once more, they pressed their foreheads together, mindlessly grazing their fingers along one another’s skin as they tried to collect themselves.

The longer Jai sat here and considered her current position, the more unexpected yet warming it became -- here she was, wrapped around Cassian Andor and feeling so completely at peace enveloped in his touch. She had considered in the past what this would be like, to be close to him and out of breath, to feel his lips against hers, to feel a heat twisting in her abdomen, but those daydreams were nothing like the reality. She had thought they would always remain daydreams, thoughts that passed her by not to be taken too seriously. Getting close to Cassian like this didn’t seem possible, and yet somehow here she was, high on his touch, drunk on his passionate eyes. Cassian, the man who didn’t like to get too close to anyone, whose best friend was a droid, who six months ago had vowed to distrust her… and he was standing here between her legs, his hold on her possessive and in want of more.

She wouldn’t say lucky was the right word, but Jai certainly felt satisfied as she and Cassian remained wrapped around one another.

Cassian finally took a step back from her, his fingers gliding along the top of Jai’s thighs and making her shiver. Her eyes had to readjust to the lack of lighting in the room, but she was sure she could see Cassian grinning fondly at her response to his touch.

His hands found hers as he took another step back, whispering, “Come on,” as he helped Jai hop down from the counter, the broken glass that had fallen to the floor somewhere completely forgotten -- he didn’t care enough to deal with it right now, he’d come back to it in the morning.

Cassian’s fingers lazily tangled with one of Jai’s hands, his eyes straining to find the glass shards on the floor so that neither of them stepped on something sharp. He carefully led Jai out of the kitchen, pausing in his cramped living space with the bed just a step behind him to look back at Jai with a tired smirk. Despite how close they were earlier, she felt her cheeks heat up, feeling the power of his gaze though she could no longer see it in the near-darkness. Cassian lightly tugged on Jai’s hand until she stepped closer, and she could feel Cassian’s free hand just hovering over her face until finally he set it on the base of her neck.

Cassian’s past fears and concerns about Jai crossed his mind as he held her in a comfortable and intimate silence -- he recalled their evening of drinking, when she first managed to send some kind of electric spark through him, when she first made him question the feelings going on inside of him. He had been so afraid to consider them and acknowledge them, because he knew what they meant -- he wanted to get close to someone, get close to her, despite all of his precautions through the years to avoid ever wanting that.

He realized that night two months ago that Jai would be trouble for him, but a completely different kind of trouble than what he had originally projected when they met. She was persistent with him, familiar with him, always making efforts with him -- no one had ever shown that exact combination of traits to him before. Jai had been throwing him for a loop for months now, and somehow she managed to wiggle her way into his heart, somehow slipping past all the emotional safeguards he built up through the years.

Cassian used to be afraid of this feeling. In many ways he still was. And yet, once his lips were on Jai’s, that fear dissolved away, at least temporarily. He wanted -- needed -- to be close to her, yet something in him continued to fear what would happen if he got too close. It was a habit that held him back, the habit of keeping people at arm’s length. But Jai… as much as it scared him, Jai made him want to break the habit and start a new one.

If anyone asked Cassian prior to this evening if he found himself attracted to Jai Tillian, he would have fervently denied it to the point of suspicion.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Care [kair]

noun

a cause or object of concern; serious attention

provision of what is needed for the well-being or protection of a person

verb

to be concerned; have thought or regard; to have a special preference

to wish; desire; like

#cassian andor #cassian andor x original character #cassian andor x oc #cassian andor x reader #diego luna #rogue one #star wars #star wars fic #rogue one fic #rouge one fanfiction #ca #fics #fics*#saudade

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statusquoergo · 3 years

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Hi! I was wondering if I might ask for some advice? A few days ago, this idea for a Marvey fic came to me randomly and it's been running circles in my mind ever since. It's gotten to the point where I even started to rewatch the show after three years. I've got certain scenes in my head too! The problem is that I'm quite terrible at seeing projects through. I don't really have the time lately to put a lot of my effort into this story unfortunately, but I also have a track record of giving up on stories I'm super passionate about halfway through. I was wondering if you had any tips or advice? You're one of my favorite writers and I hoped you might be able to help. Thank you!

Hi! Wow, am I really? Wow. I never think of myself as being one of anyone's favorite anything, that's really sweet of you to say, thank you so much! And of course you're more than welcome to ask, I'll do my best to be helpful!

Oh boy, I've been there... Having scenes already playing out in your head sounds like a good start, though! Better than having a vague premise with no concrete ideas, anyway. But seeing projects through can be tough, for sure, and the inherently fickle nature of fanfiction's feedback loop doesn't make it easier. So! Tips and advice!

A lot of people, especially those with little free time, benefit from a schedule, blocking out time in the day to dedicate to writing without distractions. If that works for you, great! But if it doesn't, that's cool too. It doesn't for me. Forcing myself to sit down and write at any given moment is one thing, but making it an appointment is something else entirely, and it messes really badly with my productivity. I guess the point of this is, don't feel bad if you don't stick to a strict schedule, but also don't let yourself totally off the hook; if you want your story to get written, you'll probably occasionally have to make yourself write it, even if you don't think you want to. Moments of vivid inspiration are amazing, yeah, but they aren't all that common; sometimes you've just gotta sit down and crank out a few paragraphs. A shitty first draft is better than no draft at all, and you can always go back and edit it into something you love!

When I'm not actively writing, I do my best conceptualizing while I'm doing other fairly low-energy things, like going for a walk or watching television or something, and then writing down parts of scenes, or even just thematic ideas I want to include somewhere in the piece, as they come to me. (I have also been known to force myself out of bed as I'm trying to fall asleep to write down snatches of dialogue that have just occurred to me... I recommend keeping a notepad and pen close by, it's much less hassle.) Whenever I can find the time, I'll turn them into a chapter, or part of one, but this method allows me to keep engaged with the story even when I'm not actually drafting it.

Lack of inspiration strikes us all, though, and in that case, it's totally fine to leave a story alone for a little while. The key there being "a little while"; give it a good night's sleep or a day off, but then, even if you don't get right back into writing, at least start thinking about it again until you're ready. Or maybe do get back to writing first thing! Sitting at your computer and making progress, even if it's progress you ultimately delete, at least puts you back in the writing mindset and gets you back into the world you're creating.

This is partially specific to the world of fanfiction, but don't be afraid to vary your chapter length. If you like to get your chapters up to 5000 words before you post, great, that's a fine baseline, but if you've managed to put together a few scenes that only get to 1500 words and still tell a cohesive story, or part of one, it's perfectly okay to post that, too. Getting feedback on new material can be a great motivator, but it can also be really motivating just to have that sense of accomplishment of putting more of your writing out into the world and seeing that word counter go up. Not to mention, updating the Last Updated date can make a fic seem more current, and maybe help get it back to the front of your mind!

I think the main theme here is, do what you can to keep yourself immersed in the story you're working on, even when you're not working on it. And I know this sucks to hear and nobody wants to think about it, but sometimes you do have to force yourself to write. If you haven't worked on your story at all for the past two weeks, ask yourself what's holding you back. Did you lose your passion for the material, or are you just frustrated? Did you even realize it had been that long? What made you want to write the story in the first place? What's the ending you want to get to, and what's keeping you from getting there? Remember that even writing a little bit is better than writing nothing! It's fine to take a break, but don't give up!

These tips aren't universal, of course, no advice works for everybody, but I hope at least one thing I've said can be helpful to you! Best of luck!

#writing #fanfiction #anonymous

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antihero-writings · 3 years

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Undead Memory (Ch1)

Fandom: Castlevania (Netflix) (Season 2)

Character Focus: Alucard

Summary: What happened during that month in which Alucard was alone in the castle?

Alucard dealing with the aftermath of S2, and trying to cope with the death—or, more accurately, the ghosts—of his parents.

Notes: First of all, spoilers for season 2!

Another Alucard-centric fic, but actually about the show this time!! Whoo!! I'm excited to finally start posting this one.

Believe it or not, I started this idea a while before S3 started, wanting to write something for the time after S2 of Alucard being alone in the castle. Then after S3 I wanted to write it both more and less XD The idea of Alucard seeing ghosts brought up at the end of S2 is an interesting one, and one I thought deserved more exploration. As well as just that month where he's alone being something interesting to write about.

This is one of those fics I wanted to post as a long one-shot, but ultimately got stuck and decided it would be better to break it up into chapters to make it more manageable for both reading and writing. I said it'd be 4 chapters above, but I'm not quite sure exactly how many it'll be. It just helps me to jot down a manageable ballpark number.

That being said, one of the reasons I hesitate to break things up into chapters, is because if people don't seem interested it severely inhibits my desire to keep writing that fic. So, it really does help my motivation a LOT when you comment and say you want to read more!! So just know that when you comment, you're helping more of this fic get written!!

Shoutout to @it-burns-when-i-pee for giving me the clock idea!

Chapter 1: Reminders

There were no graves. Dracula and Lisa didn’t get graves. The rest of the world would have said they didn’t deserve to rest in peace.

Antigone would say Polynices deserved to sing in Olympus all the same.

The only grave they got was a castle. And many would say it was better than most—that they’d take a castle over a headstone, a mausoleum, or the ground any day. They’d say a castle was a hell of a lot better than being dumped down the sewage grate.

And all that’s fair, but perhaps the bigger problem was this: there were no remains.

They both burned. One in holy fire, one in hell. (And who could say where they truly ended up, if there was a heaven and hell after all?)

All that was left of Lisa Tepes was a pile of charcoal on an altar to a priests own pride.

And all that was left of Vlad Tepes was a ring, and a soot stain on the carpet.

Most would say they got what they deserved; to die without chance at Olympus.

Adrian doesn’t know where to put his flowers.

Most children bury their parents eventually, but usually this is when they have children of their own to keep them company, and their parents have been bouncing grandchildren on their knees for at least a year or two, with white hair and crinkled smiles, barely able to walk, or see: sick and ready to greet the gods.

Adrian may look old enough to settle down, but he’s younger than most would surmise. And while he can certainly handle himself, he was not prepared for his parents to die within a year of each other…especially considering that the parent who was meant to be immortal died by his own hand.

He would have liked to have some respite in his own home.

But perhaps, more important than where to put flowers, there was most unfortunate side effect of the lack of remains, and the castle grave:

Ghosts.

And this isn’t the pearly white wraiths wandering around saying ‘boo’, or skulls that float about the head gnashing their teeth. Not even a chained apparition to remind one of their sins.

This is something much worse. Worse because they belong to the house’s owner. Worse because their true grave is his head.

—(And that place never rested)—

Their ghosts wander the castle, not just a graveyard. This castle seems to have an affinity for the undead.

Maybe not everyone could see them. He tries not to indulge the thought that maybe there’s nothing there at all, and they’re nothing more than undead memory.

Alucard has been seeing ghosts since the moment he was left alone in this place.

He’d rather have a grave to mourn them at, and converse with the memories, than watch their ghosts keep him up at night, unable to touch, or to talk to them.

He should remind himself to look up the definition of ‘torment’ later.

At first it was his father’s steps when he walked up the stairs. His mother’s smiles, his own young laughter when he sat in the study. When he sat at the table to eat, he watched the vampire king tossing a young boy into the air, both laughing like fairy wing beats, as Lisa watched on from the table. Alucard tried not to lose his appetite.

Then they were given voice: it was Father’s lessons when he looked for a book in the library. Mother’s stories as he sat reading, making him incapable of concentrating to his own book all the while. Baking cookies together in the kitchen. Father allowing him his first drink—(of wine or blood? Take a guess. He only needed one of them, after all)—as he walked through the cellar. Mother decorating the castle, making it look a little nicer, a little more alive. Not all of them were positive. Their arguing voices down the hallway. His own tears.

Father’s claws against his chest.

And he wouldn’t dare get close to that room. Because whenever he walks past the door, he can still hear his father speak to him like he did when he was still a child dressed in sunlight, and there was nothing but love.

Mother, father and…himself. As if he died long ago with them. As if the happy child he was within them is gone. As if he’s no longer the Adrian who sat with his parents, read with them, baked cookies, and laughed with them…but the Alucard who killed them.

And, well, maybe he didn’t kill his mother, but sometimes he didn’t know what else to think but to blame himself for the thought that he could have saved her.

And he did kill his father.

He still feels that stake in his hand when he walks by that room—(But it wasn’t a stake was it? It was the bedpost of his childhood bed, as if ripping his childhood at the seams and denying everything he was born as). He still feels its splinters in his fingers, the smell of pine, the feeling of it piercing his father’s chest, the way his heartbeat refused to stop—(he rested his head on his chest once, the constancy of the rhythm was comforting then). The warmth of his father’s blood draining over his fingers. The sound of his father’s ripping voice. The unearthly, ungodly howling of the souls trapped inside him—(was he really so bad?). He could still smell his flesh burning.

He still wakes up in the middle of the night with the image of his fathers face melting off its bones as it came closer to him, reaching out as if to to caress his son’s cheek, seared onto his eyes—(is this how Victor Frankenstein felt when the creature smiled at his window?)

But when the morning came, he took that ring and he wore it on a chain around his neck all the same, to remind him of a few things:

One: that love is one of those things that is free, but comes at a high price. If you take it lightly, it will leave you heavily.

Two, an addendum to one: that love is not soft. Love is not flowery words, or even the insatiable desires the romance novels say it is. Love is an insidious fire, when you have it, it rages, and you know what warmth is. When the fireplace is empty it aches, and when your heart breaks your chest gets cut on all the pieces. And underestimating it, calling it weakness, will always be your undoing.

Three—(one that was beginning to weigh heaviest): that living and immortality are not the same thing. Vlad may have been immortal, but he was only ever alive with Lisa.

Four: to always know where he came from…and where he didn’t want to end up.

Five, and final: that though he had saved lives, though it was noble, and the stories and songs would say he was brave, and though Trevor and Sypha would say it was for the greater good…he would always be the son who loved his father…and the son who drove the stake into his father’s heart.

All for love.

He can find respite from the memories sometimes. He finds himself spending too much time down in the Belmont hold, reading, organizing, putting away ancestors—(ancestors not of his, ones that didn’t come back). Learning, pursing his lip in disapproval, or laughing to himself at the thought of some of the things Trevor’s relatives did (making a mental note to use the story against Trevor when he next saw him). Thinking of his friends…and trying not to think of them, lest they become ghosts too.

He likes going out into the woods to get food, and water, and fresh air. He wavers there at times, wondering if maybe he could just… leave. He spends more time out there than is strictly necessary.

Sometimes he runs out into the woods—well, more precisely padding, cantering on paws—and other times flies—trying to make sure his tongue can taste freedom, and his wings can snare sunlight, before he turns back.

But he always has to return. Return to the stuffy, putrefied remains of the castle. The air where he hears his parents whisper sweet words that are gone, where memory reconstructed from fairy castles sweet worlds he’s ripped away.

Would it be so hard to just leave?

Surely we can let the poor wandering souls in the woods find refuge. It was a grave after all. Just let the lost rest against the headstones, though they know not whose skeletons lie beneath them.

He leans against Trevor’s tree, and sees a young boy playing on the branches—laughing, free—and smiles…before it becomes gasp and grimace, and he shakes his head, returning to the castle.

Not them too.

He thought he could take it. The grief. The ghosts. The wrath of the gods

But he can’t stay.

Not forever. That is to say, he can’t leave for long. Just to visit town, to see another person or two, to get out of his head, and pray the specters won’t follow him.

He slings his bag over his shoulder, along with the coat he always wore—the one that smells like the campfires he sat at with Trevor and Sypha—and sighs as he walks out the door.

He has another grave to visit.

#castlevania #netflix castlevania #castlevania fanfiction #castlevania fanfic #castlevania fic #castlevania netflix #alucard #alucard castlevania #castlevania alucard #adrian tepes #adrian fahrenheit tepes #castlevania season 2 #dracula #Lisa Tepes #Vlad Tepes #Vlad Dracula Tepes #castlevania fandom

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aboveallarescuer · 4 years

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Daenerys Targaryen in A Storm of Swords vs Game of Thrones - Episode 3.10: Mhysa (& 5 things to understand why Dany's character and storyline matter)

In this series of posts, I intend to analyze precisely how the show writers downplayed or erased several key aspects of Daenerys Targaryen’s characterization, even when they had the books to help them write her as the compelling, intelligent, compassionate, frugal, open-minded and self-critical character that GRRM created.

I want to make it clear that these posts are not primarily meant to offer a better alternative to what the show writers gave us. I understand that they had many constraints (e.g. other storylines to handle, a limited amount of time to write the scripts, budget, actors who may have asked for a certain number of lines, etc) working against them. However, considering how disrespectful the show’s ending was to Daenerys Targaryen and how the book material that they left out makes it even more ludicrous to think that she will also become a villain in A Song of Ice and Fire, I believe that these reviews are more than warranted. They are meant to dissect everything about Dany’s characterization that was lost in translation, with a lot of book evidence to corroborate my statements.

Since these reviews will dissect scene by scene, I recommend taking a look at this post because I will use its sequence to order Dany’s scenes.

This post is relevant in case you want to know which chapters were adapted in which GoT episodes (however, I didn’t make the list myself, all the information comes from the GoT Wiki, so I can’t guarantee that it’s 100% reliable).

In general, I will call the Dany from the books “Dany” and the Dany from the TV series “show!Dany”.

Because I'm about to review one of the most controversial scenes in show!Dany's journey, I think it's important to take a holistic look into her character and storyline first. So, before I start talking about what happens in the episode itself, I am going to address five key things that need to be understood in order to fully appreciate Dany's character and storyline in the books:

Dany's abolitionist crusade's humanitarian importance.

Dany's character motivations.

Dany's background and identity.

Dany's storyline's historical inspirations.

A holistic view of ASOIAF in order to avoid double standards against Dany.

Ultimately, the show writers didn't understand any of these points, which informs their mistakes in their adaptation of Dany's storyline in this episode and beyond.

1) Dany's abolitionist crusade's humanitarian importance

Time and again in the books (particularly in ASOS and ADWD), GRRM reinforces that slavery is wrong by displaying what became normalized during the thousands of years it persisted. Examples include:

Astapori slavers thinking that it's okay to say that the Unsullied aren't men and to take measures to dehumanize them.

Astapori slavers thinking that it's okay to force five-year-old children to train every day from dawn to dusk, to the point of only one in three surviving such harsh conditions.

Astapori slavers thinking that it's okay to force the Unsullied to stand for a day with no food or water to prove their discipline and strength.

Astapori slavers thinking that it's okay to change the Unsullied's names every day so that they lose their sense of individuality.

Astapori slavers thinking that it's okay to force the Unsullied to go to the slave marts to kill a baby before its mother's eyes to prove that they are not weak.

Astapori slavers thinking that it's okay to make the Unsullied drink the wine of courage to feel less pain and endure any torture, such as having their nipples cut off.

Astapori slavers thinking that it's okay to give the Unsullied puppies only to kill them a year later (and, if they don't, they are fed to the surviving dogs).

Astapori slavers thinking that it's okay to casually whip people when they mildly annoy them.

Astapori slavers thinking that it's okay to send a girl of nine to kill bulls and to send three small boys (one rolled in honey, the other in blood and the other in rotting fish) to confront a bear in the fighting pits.

Yunkish slavers thinking that it's okay to leave the Astapori starving, which led them to eat cats, rats and leather.

Yunkish slavers thinking that it's okay to hunt down the Astapori and burn the entire city.

Yunkish slavers thinking that it's okay to open a slave market.

Yunkish slavers thinking that it's okay to whip people until there is only "blood and raw meat" in their backs.

Yunkish slavers thinking that it's okay to command two dwarves to breed.

Yunkish slavers thinking that it's okay to force a teenage girl to be naked publicly so that they can sell her at a better price.

Yunkish slavers thinking that it's okay to actively spread the bloody flux through Meereen by throwing infected corpses.

Meereenese slavers thinking that it's okay to burn the fields and crucify one hundred and sixty-three children to intimidate Dany.

Meereenese slavers thinking that it's okay to target and murder freedmen to intimidate Dany.

Meereenese slavers thinking that it's okay to pay freedmen low wages and then complain a) about how there are too many beggars, thieves and whores in the city or b) about how the rights and customs of the craftsmen's guilds should be respected.

Meereenese slavers thinking that it's okay to reopen the fighting pits and abuse the freedmen for the nobility's entertainment.

Meereenese slavers thinking that it's okay to send two dwarfs to "fight" against a lion.

Meereenese nobles thinking that it's okay to scourge and rip out the tongues of people who disagree with or know something that it's convenient for them.

And this list only covers human rights abuses that take place in Slaver's Bay (which was the center of slave trade until Dany's arrival). Unfortunately, slavery is so widespread that it helped to build almost the entire continent's economy. The Dothraki and the corsairs of the Basilisk Isles enslave and sell people from different lands to Slaver's Bay. In Volantis, it's estimated that four of every five men are slaves. People from multiple places of Essos are sold into slavery, from Slaver's Bay itself to Qarth to the Dothraki Sea to Lhazar to the Free Cities.

In such an oppressive and devastating scenario, Dany's abolitionist campaign is essential to guarantee that people are no longer desensitized to and systematically allowed to dehumanize others. In-universe, that's why the vast majority of the former slaves love her and why later we get an entire storyline showing what the slavers would do if Dany chose not to be as forceful as she was in ASOS. Doylistically speaking, that's why her actions against the slavers are linked to her upcoming part in the War for the Dawn and to her messianic role as Azor Ahai (as this edit and its quotes excellently illustrate): Dany's war is one that should also involve all of humanity.

Are the show writers aware of this?

Nope.

They may have succeeded in depicting the amount of brutality and suffering that comes with the training of the Unsullied, but, in light of the show's ending, I think that was accomplished mostly because they were interested in shock value rather than in making the audience recognize that show!Dany's crusade was altruistic at its core. This was clear in their interviews: instead of focusing on how vital Dany's actions were to promoting human warfare, Benioff focused on her so-called ruthlessness and ambition when he talked about why she sought an army in Astapor and Weiss focused on her capacity for cruelty when he talked about her attack against the Astapori masters. I've already addressed in which ways these statements about Dany are inaccurate (and detrimental to the understanding of her storyline) in my reviews of episodes 3.3 and 3.4, so I won't belabor the point; instead, I'm only bringing them up here to emphasize that D&D were never (fully) aware of the humanitarian importance of Dany's crusade. That's why they didn't add the moment where Dany says she remembers what it was like to be sold and feel afraid. That's why they didn't show the Unsullied choosing not to side with the slavers when Dany gave them another option. That's why they didn't include the Astapori freedmen who chose to follow Dany in their adaptation. That's why they didn't remember that Dany's main problem prior to the battle of Yunkai was to find a way to take the city and spare freedmen's lives at the same time. That's why, on season four, they will only bother to depict political decisions that paint show!Dany in a negative light (and leave out all of her successful ones). That's why, on season five, they will make her storyline's lesson be about the need to conform to the Meereenese (i.e. slavers') traditions rather than about the need to carry on with her revolution like in the books. That's why, by the end of the show, they will say that Dany burning of King's Landing and its citizens was "a natural outcome of that [...] willingness to go forth and conquer all your enemies" and how "her brand of revolution" stems from her "not seeing the cost". That's why they think there isn't any negative implication in arguing that burning slavers is a slippery slope to burning innocent people: they completely missed the point of her storyline and turned it into slavery apologism. Dany conquered these cities because there was no other way to free the slaves (as ADWD reinforces). Dany conquered these cities precisely because she saw the cost, even in the show (but then, they are such bad writers that they often misunderstand the implications of what they depicted).

And what I said above doesn't even take into account that they completely ignored (and I suspect probably never realized in the first place) the connection between her crusade in Slaver's Bay and her messianic destiny. It's no secret that they've always downplayed the magical elements of the books in the show as a whole. When it comes to Dany, that removal was particularly detrimental because the magic was used by GRRM to emphasize that Dany's actions were righteous.

2) Dany's character motivations

Here, I want to explain why Dany a) fought against the Ghiscari slavers and b) will fight for the Iron Throne in Westeros. This will only cover what's necessary to make my point clear; for more on Dany's intentions, see here and here and here and here and here.

a) Why Dany fought against the Ghiscari slavers

I've argued before that Dany is an accident revolutionary for a couple of reasons. She went to Slaver's Bay because she wanted an army (something that her detractors often use to harshly criticize her), yes, but what was primarily driving Dany was not self-interest/ambition (and it wouldn't matter if it were in the grand scheme of things, considering what other Westerosi feudal lords have done in the name of power), but rather her previous experiences with poverty, which understandably enhanced her desire to have agency. Additionally (and perhaps most importantly), she didn't know how the slaves were being mistreated; if she did, she most likely wouldn't have chosen to turn to Astapor in the first place. But that's partly why her storyline resonates with so many readers: as she gathers more information about the world and its problems, her moral and political values change along the way too. In this case, after finally witnessing the Unsullied's training and being confronted with the dilemma of buying them or leaving them, Dany chose another option: freeing the Unsullied and fighting against the masters instead.

Afterwards, Dany stayed in Slaver's Bay solely because she wants to abolish slavery. If her intentions weren't selfless, she wouldn't have questioned on what grounds should a monarch rule. If her intentions weren't selfless, she would have taken the Yunkish masters' wealth for herself rather than just demanded that the slaves were compensated for their unpaid labor. If her intentions weren't selfless, she wouldn't have been so hard on herself for her mistakes on Astapor. If her intentions weren't selfless, she wouldn't have given the nobility and the freedmen equal voice at court (and her desire for equality was pointed out by GRRM himself). If her intentions weren't selfless, she wouldn't be so insistent on reforming Meereen (which is an expensive endeavor). If her intentions weren't selfless, she wouldn't have provided medical aid to the Astapori refugees. If her intentions weren't selfless, she wouldn't have given food to the poor. If her intentions weren't selfless, she wouldn't have sacrificed her own personal happiness and bodily autonomy. And so on. Again, I'm not trying to be thorough here, I'm just offering key examples that prove that Dany's campaign is driven by genuine compassion.

b) Why Dany will fight for the Iron Throne

I've said before that Dany doesn't want power for its own sake, but rather because it's a mean to the ends that she actually desires: home and duty. These two essential goals aptly inform why she wants to take back the Seven Kingdoms.

Dany's sole aim that can be considered selfish (i.e. that only focuses on her own benefits) is her desire to find a home, be it somewhere to belong to or someone to rely on. Even then, though, that's more than understandable considering a) that she is an exile who never got to stay on one place or trust her caregiver, b) that everyone in the continent where she was born believes in birthright and c) that every feudal lord is willing to wage war to retain their influence and wealth (more on that in item 5).

Dany's duty, on the other hand, refers not only to her (self-imposed) duty to the helpless (already laid out above), but to her ancestors too. So, even if her upcoming war in Westeros won't be primarily motivated to help the underprivileged (though she still has them in mind), it is still largely self-sacrificing as well (and far from being enough to describe her as power hungry like her detractors do).

Are the show writers aware of this?

Nope.

When it comes to her fight against the Ghiscari masters, Weiss did say that Dany "is driven by a kind of a deep empathy, a much deeper empathy than probably anybody else in the show" back in season four. On the other hand, that statement is rendered moot by the fact that D&D dismiss her actions in Slaver's Bay as a "willingness to go forth and conquer all your enemies" and as a "brand of revolution" that stems from her "not seeing the cost" by the end of the show. In other words, they a) made her anti-slavery crusade about her so-called ambition, b) downplayed her selfless goals and its humanitarian importance (failure in item 1) and c) turned her storyline into slavery apologism.

When it comes to her fight for the Iron Throne, there's never any interview where they focus on her desire for home and belonging or on her duty towards her ancestors, which also explains why these motivations were rarely shown onscreen. That they villainize her for pursuing the Seven Kingdoms displays their failure to understand item 5 (below).

3) Dany's background and identity

Dany isn't a typical queen. She is the only one who lived in poverty, began the story as a sex slave and then turned into a revolutionary thanks to her own choices. She is the only female character whose power isn't derived from her male relatives; in fact, she is specifically set apart for overcoming hardships that they didn't. She is the only queen whose political power is intertwined with her magical destiny (which is partly realized thanks to her actions). She is the only she-king/queen regnant/independent female ruler of the story. She is the only female ruler a) who received an arc that we got to see unfold through her perspective and b) who was depicted as politically savvy, despite having been thrown in the hardest political scenario of the series.

In relation to the Dothraki, Dany is not just a white woman among people of color. She was a child bride forcefully married to and raped by a Dothraki khal. She, like Irri and Jhiqui, was part of a family that was displaced, which led to their enslavement. She assimilated to Dothraki culture and was able to discern the good (the bond between bloodriders and a lifestyle that allows for a stronger sense of equality) and the bad (rape and human trafficking being normalized in their culture). She was the first example of female leadership to her bloodriders and khalasar and the one who set a precedent that men and women can be equals. She genuinely cares about her khalasar's well-being. She is poised to unite all the khalasars in the future. It's important to discern her character from GRRM's and D&D's writing (more on that in item 4).

In relation to the Ghiscari slavers (and not to the Westerosi nobles), Dany is viewed as a foreign monarch.

In relation to the freedmen, however, there's more to it. Like them, Dany is a former slave who was forcefully exiled from her homeland and now belongs nowhere. Unlike the slavers (who are united by Ghiscari heritage), the actual oppressed group come from many places and have different ethnicities and traveled extensively. Similarly, Dany was born in Westeros, grew up in the Free Cities, spent a significant time in the Dothraki sea and ruled in Slaver's Bay. Dany may be considered a foreigner by the slavers, but not by the freedmen, because they are all displaced people. Their connection (which the author emphasizes in both AGOT and ASOS) further shows that slavery in ASOIAF is not based on race and ethnicity (more on that in item 4).

The reasons above also explain why it is meaningful that Dany is AA/TPTWP/TSWMTW: many men (Aerys, Rhaegar, Aegon, Viserys, Drogo, Rhaego) had to die so she could become who she was meant to be, which further emphasizes that, as much as certain people want to pretend otherwise, Dany being the chosen one is not what the readership tends to expect.

I would argue that it's very important to have a basic understanding of various forms of oppression and acknowledge the multiple social groups that Dany belongs to in order to recognize her character's and storyline's significance. By being aware of them, one can understand, for example,

a) why Dany is not "too obvious" a glorified savior for her story not to have a twist by the end (That tends to happen because these detractors only see her as a white noblewoman, but, considering her identity as a whole, she is exactly someone who the readership wouldn't think of as the hero) or

b) why the story would be offensive on many levels if it ended with Dany going mad and/or becoming a villain (Why would GRRM do that to the one character who was exiled and enslaved and who, thanks to her own intelligence and compassion, got to fight against systemic oppression because she herself knows "how it felt to be afraid"?) or

c) why the theory that Dany burns King's Landing is offensive regardless of whether she does it accidentally or not (Why would GRRM have his sole queen regnant, i.e. the only woman whose power isn't derived from a man and who gets to make decisions concerning warfare like men usually do, be overly defined by violence in a way that his kings don't have to be? Why would he use her anti-slavery crusade as a device to make her care less about collateral damage and then be responsible for atrocities of such magnitude? It may still happen, but it definitely warrants criticism if it does)

Are the show writers aware of this?

Nope.

On the one hand, Weiss did previously acknowledge that Dany's past experiences inform her current attitude ("She's always been very negatively predisposed towards slavery because she knows what it feels like to be property, I mean, she was a very fancy slave for all intents and purposes, she was somebody who was sold to another man, taken against her will and I think that her feelings about slavery have started to really inform her reasons for wanting the Iron Throne").

On the other hand, if they really understood the significance of her background, they wouldn't have made the northmen hate her for being a foreigner and portrayed her being in the wrong. If they really understood the significance of her background, they wouldn't have thought that show!Arya killing the Night King (which wasn't supposed to have happened) or show!Sansa becoming queen (which made no sense since that would motivate other regions to demand independence from the crown as well) would be interchangeable with show!Dany's downfall and prevent them from receiving criticism regarding the misogyny in their writing.

4) Dany's storyline's historical inspirations

In the words of the author himself,

The Targaryens have heavily interbred, like the Ptolemys of Egypt. As any horse or dog breeder can tell you, interbreeding accentuates both flaws and virtues, and pushes a lineage toward the extremes. (x)

The Dothraki are partially based on the Huns and the Mongols, some extent the steppe tribes like the Alvars and Magyars. I put in a few elements of the Amerindian plains tribes and those peoples, and then I threw in some purely fantasy elements. It’s fantasy.

Are they barbaric? Yeah, but the Mongols were, too. Genghis Khan — I just saw an interesting movie about Ghengis Khan, recently. I’ve read books about Genghis Khan, and he’s one of history’s more fascinating, charismatic characters. The Mongols became very sophisticated at certain points, but they were certainly not sophisticated when they started out, and even at the height of their sophistication they were fond of doing things like giant piles of heads. “Surrender your city to me, or we will come in and kill all the men, rape all the women and make a giant pile of heads.” They did that a few times, and other cities said, “Surrender is good. We’ll surrender. We’ll pay the taxes. No pile of heads, please.” (x)

And meanwhile, you've got Daenerys visiting more Eurasian and Middle Eastern cultures.

And that has generated its controversy too. I answer that one to in my blog. I know some of the people who are coming at this from a political or racial angle just seem to completely disregard the logistics of the thing here. I talk about what's in the books. The books are what I write. What I’m responsible for.

Slavery in the ancient world, and slavery in the medieval world, was not race-based. You could lose a war if you were a Spartan, and if you lost a war you could end up a slave in Athens, or vice versa. You could get in debt, and wind up a slave. And that’s what I tried to depict, in my books, that kind of slavery. (x)

These interviews show that Dany's storyline's historical parallels are mainly ancient civilizations (which explains her parallels with Cleopatra or the Ghiscari pyramids' closeness to Egyptian pyramids or how the duels in the fighting pits resemble the Roman gladiatorial games or the similarities between the Unsullied's training with Sparta's training of young boys or why tokars are togas), which, in turn, prove that GRRM is not attempting to write a critique of white saviorism. Indeed, that he reduces the Dothraki and the Mongols to being "barbaric" and refuses to give any individuality to his Dothraki characters confirm that he's the racist one here. Even the parallels that he draws between Dany's storyline and the American Civil War and Reconstruction are non-racialized in nature.

Also, even if GRRM and D&D weren't racists, the racist imagery in Dany's storyline (especially show!Dany's) doesn't make Dany herself a white savior; as @yendany explained before, white saviorism is about:

a) glorifying whiteness/western culture or an individual white person at the expense of people of color. Neither version of Dany fulfill this requirement because Dany was raised in Essos and doesn't force Ghiscari people into adhering to Westerosi or Valyrian culture and slavery, again, isn't race-based (which is why the Dothraki are portrayed as oppressors). The show ending only reinforces the latter point (more on that later).

and/or

b) a white person providing help to people of color in order to serve their own interests. Neither version of Dany fulfill this requirement because their compassion and humanitarianism are genuine (and necessary), as shown in items 1 and 2 above.

Are the show writers aware of this?

For the most part, nope.

On the one hand, they were involved in the show's production, so they had to be aware of the obvious parallels between Dany's storyline and the Ancient Mediterranean world (though not enough to hire extras of multiple races and ethnicities or to let show!Dany wear togas). Also, Benioff once stated that "there always seemed to be this sense of manifest destiny with Dany", which implies that they were aware of the white savior criticism surrounding her character and storyline (though probably not enough to question its validity based on her characterization).

On the other hand, they never cared about making any improvements from the racism in the books, and the ending is clear proof of that. Before season eight, I'd seen many people argue that the Unsullied and the Dothraki were used as show!Dany's props to emphasize her "goodness". Instead, it's the other way around: they were never meant to be "good" on their own, in fact, they were only portrayed as "good" because of show!Dany; by the end, when show!Dany was villainized, they were as well. Indeed, people of color like show!Missandei and show!Grey Worm suddenly became more aggressive while the white men in show!Dany's team (show!Jon, show!Tyrion and show!Varys) were portrayed as the rational/pacifist ones, reinforcing that there was never any attempt to provide race-related social commentary in the show (or in the books, for that matter). If there had been an attempt (poor and offensive as it would still be), the Unsullied and the Dothraki would have been depicted as the Mad Queen's victims (which only the Westerosi smallfolk and the Lannister armies (i.e. white people) got to be) rather than the Mad Queen's evil army.

5) A holistic view of ASOIAF in order to avoid double standards against Dany

I could mention more double standards than the four below, but my intention here is not to be comprehensive, but rather to provide some of the key examples of double standards used to criticize Dany's eventual campaign in Westeros and to accuse her of white saviorism.

Yes, Dany wants to wage a war to take back her homeland, but so did Robb when Winterfell was taken. (Unfortunately, Stannis may do the dirty work for the Starks in TWOW.)

Yes, Dany wants to take the Seven Kingdoms and the Starks "only" want Winterfell, but what matters is not the size of the area they are claiming, but rather the fact that the system that they are all working under (i.e. pseudofeudal monarchy) rewards birthright, exploits the labor of the peasants, encourages wars for petty reasons and perpetuates social inequality.

Yes, Dany will eventually be willing to use dragonfire to accomplish her goals, but fire was used by several parties against their enemies. The Ghiscari slavers used it. Stannis Baratheon used it. Tyrion Lannister used it. Jon Snow used it. The brotherhood without banners used it. If they had dragons, you can bet that they would have used them (and probably would have been less reluctant about it than Dany).

Yes, Dany's storyline has racist elements, but so does the Starks' origin story and Tyrion's storyline and the Martells' creation. In fact, if we're talking about racism, it can't be overlooked that Dany is the only white main character who interacts with, cares about and fights for people of color, while the other white characters remain isolated in Westeros and ignorant of their struggles. It can't be overlooked that GRRM wishes he had made Dany (and none of the other main characters) a Black woman. That people of color aren't given more prominence in the narrative is GRRM's fault (see item 4), not Dany's.

When all's said and done, Dany is not doing anything that could be considered morally wrong that other people didn't do, but she is taking large-scale actions solely due to her compassion that no one else is. That's because GRRM chose to set her apart from the other claimants by placing her in a storyline where she gets to advocate for the oppressed and have larger concerns than her claim or how her family was wronged. Does that make her look "too good"? Well, you just have to look at Jon to see that that's not true; both are flawed and imperfect, but still compassionate, intelligent and, ultimately, not as morally grey as most of the other characters of the series.

Are the show writers aware of this?

Nope.

I would say that the root of the problem in the show writers' depiction of show!Dany stems from the fact that they don't look at the events from the perspective of the lowborn.

If they would look at her actions in Slaver's Bay from the point of view of a freedman, they would understand why they were righteous (failure to comprehend item 1); instead, they talk about how her cruelty "grows" because she hurt people who hadn't done anything to her personally (which shows how easily they empathize with the slavers) and focus on how she is becoming a threat.

If they would look at her actions in Westeros from the point of view of a peasant, they would understand that a) every single lord exploits their labor, b) that Dany is not doing anything that the the lords wouldn't do (which is why the kingdoms constantly warred with their neighbors before Aegon's Conquest) and c) that the lords never waged war specifically to protect the oppressed like Dany did (see items 1 and 2), which is why Northern independence (or Robert's Rebellion) is not morally superior to Dany's campaign for the Iron Throne.

Because they couldn't understand any of this, they portrayed show!Dany's war effort as worse than the other characters' and ended up villainizing her for her ambition and use of violence when they never did so with the other characters, which creates offensive double standards and highlights the misogyny (i.e. controlling and punishing women who challenge male dominance) in their writing.

Now I'm going to go to the scene itself in order to demonstrate how it particularly exemplifies the show writers' failure to understand these five key things about Dany's character and storyline.

Scene 13

BARRISTAN: They will come, Your Grace. When they’re ready.

DAENERYS: Perhaps they didn’t want to be conquered.

JORAH: You didn’t conquer them. You liberated them.

DAENERYS: People learn to love their chains.

In the books, there's never any suspense about whether the newly freedmen will come out or not:

On the morning of the third day, the city gates swung open and a line of slaves began to emerge. Dany mounted her silver to greet them. As they passed, little Missandei told them that they owed their freedom to Daenerys Stormborn, the Unburnt, Queen of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros and Mother of Dragons.

“Mhysa!” a brown-skinned man shouted out at her. He had a child on his shoulder, a little girl, and she screamed the same word in her thin voice. “Mhysa! Mhysa!” (ASOS Daenerys IV)

As we can see in the quote above, not only there's no suspense, Dany is mounted on her silver and doesn't have to make a speech to make sure that the former slaves can trust her and hail her as mhysa. Indeed, that's my biggest issue with the speech: it's built on the show writers' assumption that show!Dany needs to "[wait] to see if she is a conqueror or a liberator" in the eyes of the former slaves.

Now, don't get me wrong, there are people who dismiss Dany as a violent conqueror in the books. The Meereenese slavers (i.e., the ones who think they have the right to sell people and exploit their free labor and who suffered a major blow when Dany challenged their way of life, which doesn't exactly make them a reliable viewpoint in a storyline with something meaningful to say) do so:

“...When my people look at you, they see a conqueror from across the seas, come to murder us and make slaves of our children. A king could change that. A highborn king of pure Ghiscari blood could reconcile the city to your rule. Elsewise, I fear, your reign must end as it began, in blood and fire.” (ADWD Daenerys IV)

The Yunkish slavers (i.e., the ones who think they have the right to sell people and exploit their free labor and who suffered a major blow when Dany challenged their way of life, which doesn't exactly make them a reliable viewpoint in a storyline with something meaningful to say) do so:

“If even half the stories coming back from Slaver’s Bay are true, this child is a monster. They say that she is blood-thirsty, that those who speak against her are impaled on spikes to die lingering deaths. They say she is a sorceress who feeds her dragons on the flesh of newborn babes, an oathbreaker who mocks the gods, breaks truces, threatens envoys, and turns on those who have served her loyally. They say her lust cannot be sated, that she mates with men, women, eunuchs, even dogs and children, and woe betide the lover who fails to satisfy her. She gives her body to men to take their souls in thrall.” (ADWD Tyrion VI)

Dany herself (who, we shouldn't forget, has a tendency to be self-deprecating) also does so. It's the reason why she thinks it's her duty to stay and rule Meereen:

“Aegon the Conqueror brought fire and blood to Westeros, but afterward he gave them peace, prosperity, and justice. But all I have brought to Slaver’s Bay is death and ruin. I have been more khal than queen, smashing and plundering, then moving on.” (ASOS Daenerys VI)

However, the Yunkish envoy's vicious reaction (in both canons) to Dany's request that the Yunkish nobles free their slaves shows that Dany couldn't have freed the slaves (and become a liberator) if she hadn't taken the city (and become a conqueror). She is both conqueror and liberator and these titles don't contradict each other, they inform each other (just like mhysa and mother of dragons). That's something that the former slaves are aware of, because the vast majority of them do want freedom and are grateful that Dany intervened - we see it in Astapor, where the Unsullied chose not to obey their former masters while they were attacked because Dany gave them a choice to fight for their freedom, which they took (and the show didn't depict); we see it in Yunkai, where the former slaves embraced and hailed Dany as their mother right after they met her (and she didn't have to make a speech to prove that they should be freed because they themselves wanted to be freed); we see it in Meereen, where "the fighting slaves [...] led the uprising that won the city for her" and "cheering slaves lifted bloodstained hands to her as she went by"; we see it on Tyrion's POV, where many slaves doubt that Dany would make peace with the slavers and want her to smash the Yunkai'i. To portray them as gullible and dependent on show!Dany's speech in order to embrace freedom (when, again, that was never a question for them in the books) means:

Overlooking their motivations in the books.

Giving them less agency in comparison to the books.

Downplaying the level of human destruction that the slavers perpetrated (and which led the slaves to want to rebel), which shows their failure to understand item 1.

Equating show!Dany to the slavers as a foreign monarch in the former slaves' eyes when, in the books, she became a cult figure right from the first moment that they saw her. This also shows their failure to understand item 3; as I said above, she is not just a ruler, she is also a former slave who was banished from her homeland and doesn't belong anywhere. That makes it all the more meaningful that she, thanks to her own actions and principles, ended up becoming a revolutionary. Failing to understand this is why the show writers felt that she had to make a speech so that she could "compensate" for her actions as a conqueror (which were righteous to begin with).

Now, one might argue that I'm being too nitpicky here, but I didn't make it a secret in the introduction to these books vs show reviews that they are being written with the hindsight knowledge that the show writers will attempt to vilify show!Dany. One way that they will do so is to turn the freedmen against her in the later seasons, which is something that never happens in the books (which is why I'm wary of how her speech here already indicates that her connection to the freedmen is being downplayed). As I just said above and will reiterate: the show writers never really grasped the humanitarian importance of her crusade (item 1) or why she's seeking the Iron Throne in the first place (item 2). The show writers never really understood that the former slaves weren't united by culture or race or nationality and that they still had a connection with Dany as exiles sold into slavery (item 3). This is why they thought it was okay to make her the final villain of their series.

JORAH: You didn’t conquer them. You liberated them.

DAENERYS: People learn to love their chains.

First, show!Jorah being the one shown explaining to show!Dany that she is a liberator is really annoying since she is the former sex slave who chose to become an abolitionist and he is a slaver himself who is an apologist even in show canon.

Second, there are different ways to interpret show!Dany's line above. @daenerys-targaryen interpreted it as show!Dany referring to herself and how she fell in love with Drogo while she was his slave. @queenaryastark interpreted it as a way to express Tyrion's thoughts about how it's easy to grow accustomed to being a slave in ADWD. These are all valid readings that can coexist with my own: that the show writers only added this line in order to make show!Dany's storyline "more complex" (in their eyes). We see show!Dany having to "[wait] to see if she is a conqueror or a liberator", after all, which is a question about her "internal struggle" (which, again, makes no sense to overfocus on since Dany wouldn't be a liberator if she weren't also a conqueror) that the show chooses to hammer home in comparison to the books (where it's made clear that most of the former slaves know that they want to be freed). This added question a) undermines how significant it is that Dany is an active hero who chose to fight for the slaves when she didn't have to in a time and place where no one else cared about their plea and there was no conception of universal human rights (failure to understand items 2 and 5), b) downplays the message that the use of violence can be morally righteous (because it creates a false dichotomy between conqueror and liberator, like the fandom does with mhysa and mother of dragons; unfortunately, both showrunners miss the point - Weiss thinks that show!Dany's empathy and cruelty grow in Astapor and Benioff focuses on how she's becoming a threat; failure to understand items 1 and 2) and c) equates show!Dany to the slavers as another foreign monarch in the slaves' perspective (failure to understand item 3), which, in turn, portrays slavery as if it was merely a typical cultural practice rather than a crime against humanity like how it's portrayed in the books (failure to understand item 1). Things are definitely going to get worse in the next seasons (e.g. "mhysa is a master", the addition of a prostitute who hates show!Dany because she's "ruining" Meereenese "traditions", etc), but the cracks were already apparent in season three, which is arguably show!Dany's best season.

MISSANDEI: This is Daenerys Targaryen, the Stormborn, the Unburnt, the Queen of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros, the Mother of Dragons. It is to her you owe your freedom.

DAENERYS: No. You do not owe me your freedom. I cannot give it to you. Your freedom is not mine to give. It belongs to you and you alone. If you want it back, you must take it for yourselves. Each and every one of you.

This scene plays out differently in the books:

“Mhysa!” a brown-skinned man shouted out at her. He had a child on his shoulder, a little girl, and she screamed the same word in her thin voice. “Mhysa! Mhysa!” (ASOS Daenerys IV)

As we can see, a) Dany is not shown correcting Missandei on what freedom entails like it happens in the show and b) Dany never has to give the former slaves a speech in the first place.

I'm of two minds about this speech. On the one hand, show!Dany's speech does highlight her humanitarian intentions in this endeavor: instead of seeing the freedmen as things to be sold like the slavers did, she views them as people who are able to make their own judgments and choices.

On the other hand, a number of issues were caused by the show writers' inability to be faithful to the books. The intentions behind this speech are distasteful since it seems like (the show writers think that) she needs to persuade the former slaves to follow her, which takes away their agency in comparison to the books (where, as I've repeated numerous times by now, they wanted to be freed; failure to understand item 1) and holds show!Dany to a higher standard than the other characters of the series (who, either in Westeros or Slaver's Bay, all believe in and live under an absolute monarchy, with the only difference being that their dominance over the lowborn became normalized over time in a way that show!Dany's didn't, which causes her to be judged by today's moral standards by the show writers; this failure to understand item 5 will only get worse over time, as we all know), which is particularly aggravating because it undercuts the fact that show!Dany is the only one who cares about and fights for the former slaves (failure to understand items 2, 3 and 5).

Another thing that makes me bitter about this speech is that, despite portraying show!Dany positively, it will be used (alongside all of her other speeches), in retrospect, as evidence that she was always set up to burn thousands of innocents in King's Landing:

BENIOFF: What's interesting about it is that she's been making similar kinds of speeches for a long time and we've always been rooting for her and this is kind of a natural outcome of that philosophy and that willingness to go forth and conquer all your enemies and it's just not quite as fun anymore. (x)

Much has been said about how the show fell right into slavery apologism by supposing that burning slavers is a slippery slope to burning noncombatants (failure to understand items 1 and 2) and about how offensive it was that it villainized the one queen who had a particular place in the narrative due to being an exile, a former sex slave, a revolutionary and the only independent female ruler who wasn't depicted as evil (failure to understand item 3). I would also add that the vast majority of the evidence about show!Dany's "villainy" (which betrays a failure to understand item 5) was either exaggerated or invented. For example, aside from the speech that she gave to her khalasar in the first season, all of show!Dany's speeches were added by the show writers, including this one. In fact, it's ironic that, throughout the course of AFFC/ADWD, Dany was the only one of the three main political leaders who was not shown by GRRM giving speeches to the unprivileged:

Jon waited until the last echoes had faded, then spurred his palfrey forward where everyone could see him. “We’re feeding you as best we can, as much as we can spare. Apples, onions, neeps, carrots … there’s a long winter ahead for all of us, and our stores are not inexhaustible.”

“You crows eat good enough.” Halleck shoved forward.

For now. “We hold the Wall. The Wall protects the realm … and you now. You know the foe we face. You know what’s coming down on us. Some of you have faced them before. Wights and white walkers, dead things with blue eyes and black hands. I’ve seen them too, fought them, sent one to hell. They kill, then they send your dead against you. The giants were not able to stand against them, nor you Thenns, the ice-river clans, the Hornfoots, the free folk … and as the days grow shorter and the nights colder, they are growing stronger. You left your homes and came south in your hundreds and your thousands … why, but to escape them? To be safe. Well, it’s the Wall that keeps you safe. It’s us that keeps you safe, the black crows you despise.”

“Safe and starved,” said a squat woman with a windburned face, a spearwife by the look of her.

“You want more food?” asked Jon. “The food’s for fighters. Help us hold the Wall, and you’ll eat as well as any crow.” Or as poorly, when the food runs short. (ADWD Jon V)

“What is the meaning of this?” Cersei demanded of the crowd. “Do you mean to bury Blessed Baelor in a mountain of carrion?”

A one-legged man stepped forward, leaning on a wooden crutch. “Your Grace, these are the bones of holy men and women, murdered for their faith. Septons, septas, brothers brown and dun and green, sisters white and blue and grey. Some were hanged, some disemboweled. Septs have been despoiled, maidens and mothers raped by godless men and demon worshipers. Even silent sisters have been molested. The Mother Above cries out in her anguish. We have brought their bones here from all over the realm, to bear witness to the agony of the Holy Faith.”

Cersei could feel the weight of eyes upon her. “The king shall know of these atrocities,” she answered solemnly. “Tommen will share your outrage. This is the work of Stannis and his red witch, and the savage northmen who worship trees and wolves.” She raised her voice. “Good people, your dead shall be avenged!”

A few cheered, but only a few. “We ask no vengeance for our dead,” said the one-legged man, “only protection for the living. For the septs and holy places.” (AFFC Cersei VI)

In fact, the Dany of the books is never shown giving a speech after AGOT. This is not to say, of course, that making speeches on its own makes show!Dany "darker" (indeed, the show writers were often unaware of what they were writing) than Dany, I'm only pointing out that they never existed in the books.

Mhysa!

DAENERYS: What does it mean?

MISSANDEI: It is old Ghiscari, Khaleesi. It means “mother.”

First, unlike in the show (where the freedmen only shout "mhysa!"), the freedmen of the books call Dany "mother" in lots of different languages:

“Mhysa!” they called. “Mhysa! MHYSA!” They were all smiling at her, reaching for her, kneeling before her. “Maela,” some called her, while others cried “Aelalla” or “Qathei” or “Tato,” but whatever the tongue it all meant the same thing. Mother. They are calling me Mother. (ASOS Daenerys IV)

It's only fitting that the freedmen of the books come from different places and have different races and ethnicities (which the scene above reinforces); not only that connects them to their mhysa (in that they are all people exiled from their homelands and forced into slavery), it is a culmination of Dany's tendency to culturally assimilate, which was already noticeable with the Dothraki. Unfortunately, this doesn't come across in the show because they hired local extras from Morocco (failure to understand/depict items 3 and 4).

Second, as @rainhadaenerys pointed out to me in a conversation, show!Dany makes a speech (which, again, was added by the show writers) in Valyrian in this scene and all the freedmen understand it, which can make sense since most modern Ghiscari continued to speak in the language of their conquerors and the former slaves all probably stayed in Yunkai long enough to learn the language. On the other hand, this will later be contradicted in episode 4.6 when show!Dany will need show!Missandei in order to communicate with a goatherd. In the books, she interacts directly with all of the freedmen, to give some examples:

In the afternoon a sculptor came, proposing to replace the head of the great bronze harpy in the Plaza of Purification with one cast in Dany’s image. She denied him with as much courtesy as she could muster. A pike of unprecedented size had been caught in the Skahazadhan, and the fisherman wished to give it to the queen. She admired the fish extravagantly, rewarded the fisherman with a purse of silver, and sent the pike to her kitchens. A coppersmith had fashioned her a suit of burnished rings to wear to war. She accepted it with fulsome thanks; it was lovely to behold, and all that burnished copper would flash prettily in the sun, though if actual battle threatened, she would sooner be clad in steel. (ADWD Daenerys I)

So, while here she and her people are at least connected by the fact that they understand what she is saying, even this will be undermined later (and they don't have the budget as an excuse for this one; failure to understand items 3 and 4).

Third, as I noted in episode 3.5, why the heck do they have show!Missandei call show!Dany "khaleesi"? It makes no sense since she's not familiar with Dothraki culture and never knew Dany when she was Khal Drogo's wife.

DAENERYS: It’s all right. These people won’t hurt me.

DAENERYS: Fly. Let me pass.

There are differences in the execution of Dany's meeting with the freedmen of Yunkai from books to show. She mounted her silver to meet them and the crowdsurfing never happens:

On the morning of the third day, the city gates swung open and a line of slaves began to emerge. Dany mounted her silver to greet them. [...]

The chant grew, spread, swelled. It swelled so loud that it frightened her horse, and the mare backed and shook her head and lashed her silver-grey tail. It swelled until it seemed to shake the yellow walls of Yunkai. More slaves were streaming from the gates every moment, and as they came they took up the call. They were running toward her now, pushing, stumbling, wanting to touch her hand, to stroke her horse’s mane, to kiss her feet. [...]

She laughed, put her heels into her horse, and rode to them, the bells in her hair ringing sweet victory. She trotted, then cantered, then broke into a gallop, her braid streaming behind. (ASOS Daenerys IV)

What we also miss onscreen is that, onpage, Dany sees the freedmen as her found family and realizes that the moment fulfills a prophecy that she saw in the House of the Undying. I'm going to talk more about this moment later in the section where I comment on D&D's Inside the Episode, though.

Now, we get to this moment, which was (and still is) heavily criticized due to its racism.

An in-depth discussion of the racism in Dany's storyline and in ASOIAF in general goes beyond the scope of this meta; I recommend that you read @yendany's metas instead. It must be acknowledged, of course, that this is a racist scene for employing Moroccan extras as former slaves in order to prop up a British woman and being completely insensitive to Africa's colonial history. However, that's the show's production's fault, which continued to be tone-deaf about race-related issues and diversity in general through the years.

That being said, my main purpose here is to address in which ways the TV series diverged from Dany's character in the books and, consequently, undermined show!Dany. So, instead of talking specifically about the racism in Dany's character and storyline (about which people have already discussed a lot elsewhere), I want to focus, instead, on the ways that the discussion centered around the racism in Dany's character and storyline tends to be uninterested in analyzing the merits of Dany's character and storyline. This reinforces that these detractors' problems most often relate to a) either GRRM and the show's writers and producers rather than to Dany's character herself or b) their own biases:

Dany's abolitionist crusade's humanitarian importance: Do they remember in which ways the slaves were being mistreated, exploited and dehumanized before Dany's interventions?

Dany's character motivations: Do they know that Dany conquered cities just so that she could end slavery rather than because she wanted to exploit Slaver's Bay in any way? Are they aware of the many sacrifices that Dany made in order to free the slaves and rule in Meereen? Do they know that Dany doesn't want the Iron Throne for its own sake, but rather that she wants it so that she can find a home and fulfill her duty towards her ancestors?

Dany's background and identity: Do they take into account that Dany is not just a white woman, but also a former sex slave and a refugee who was forced to culturally assimilate in order to survive and who now belongs nowhere just like the people that she's freed?

Dany's storyline's historical inspirations: Do they know that the slavery that GRRM wrote is primarily inspired by the ancient world and, therefore, is not race-based? Do they know that GRRM himself is tone-deaf about race-related issues and that this is apparent in all of his story?

A holistic view of ASOIAF in order to avoid double standards against Dany: Do they take prevailing cultural norms and other characters' actions into account when they judge Dany's ambition and use of violence negatively? Do they also take into account how Dany's selfless deeds compare to most of the other characters'? Do they also acknowledge and criticize the racism in other characters' storylines?

The vast majority of Dany's detractors (which include D&D) don't take these questions (which do not exhaustively cover all of the misconceptions surrounding her character by any means) into account and/or don't know the text well enough to answer them properly, which means that they are prone to grossly distorting her motivations and/or her storyline's thematic messages in order to address racial issues that should not be used to judge Dany's character because the author himself is unaware of them and does not intend for them to come across. As a result, people lose track of Dany's actual characterization and her storyline's intended social commentary and forget that she is a part of several marginalized groups herself, leading to pretty nonsensical takes in the fandom, such as "Rhaenys should have been Dany".

So, because a) the issue of racism in Dany's storyline was already well-covered elsewhere and b) fandom climate has proven that many people who talk about this issue tend to do so in bad faith, I consciously decided to focus on these five things that should also be remembered in this discussion (and that have more to do with the purpose of this meta anyway).

My comments on the Inside the Episode 3.10

Benioff: We see her get an army in episode four, and here in the finale you see her get her people, really, because she's got, she has her Dothraki followers that don't number very many, and she's got the people she's freed from the other cities, but now she is, it's not just - it's something even more, something almost even more religious about it than just a queen, I mean, she's the mother of these people.

Weiss: And it creates a whole new dynamic between her and the people that she's fighting for that she's gonna have to deal with in the future.

Benioff: The way they treat her, the way they lift her up and she is... something that has its... A revelation from a prophecy and that glorious destiny is coming true.

Weiss: Here it seemed like it was really important to let us know just how many people were counting on her to see the full extent of, mostly, the full extent of her army and the tens of thousands of people who flooded out of these gates to pay tribute to her. And then, keeping the dragons in play because they're always such an important part of her identity, we just want to tie all of that together in one great shot.

There's a lot of wrong here, so let's unpack this statement by statement.

We see her get an army in episode four, and here in the finale you see her get her people, really,

As I already noted in episodes 3.4 and 3.5 and will repeat: the show writers seem to have forgotten that thousands of refugees from Astapor chose to follow her to Yunkai, so she had already "[gotten] her people":

Yet even so, tens of thousands preferred to follow her to Yunkai, rather than remain behind in Astapor.

[...] Dany could not bring herself to abandon them as Ser Jorah and her bloodriders urged. I told them they were free. I cannot tell them now they are not free to join me. (ASOS Daenerys IV)

Indeed, her main struggle during the battle of Yunkai was to find a way to take the city and free its slaves and prevent too many of her freedmen from becoming casualties:

Dany considered. The slaver host seemed small compared to her own numbers, but the sellswords were ahorse. She’d ridden too long with Dothraki not to have a healthy respect for what mounted warriors could do to foot. The Unsullied could withstand their charge, but my freedmen will be slaughtered. (ASOS Daenerys IV)

she's got, she has her Dothraki followers that don't number very many,

Dany still considers her Dothraki followers a khalasar in the books and finds their support invaluable despite its small number and what the show writers had her think in the S3 premiere (i.e. that she doesn't have a true khalasar):

Her khalasar was tiny, some thirty-odd mounted warriors, and most of them braidless boys and bentback old men. Yet they were all the horse she had, and she dared not go without them. The Unsullied might be the finest infantry in all the world, as Ser Jorah claimed, but she needed scouts and outriders as well. (ASOS Daenerys IV)

she is, it's not just - it's something even more, something almost even more religious about it than just a queen, I mean, she's the mother of these people.

And it creates a whole new dynamic between her and the people that she's fighting for that she's gonna have to deal with in the future.

Dany was already acting as mhysa way before she was considered one, which we saw from the way she cared about the Lhazareen women to her bloodriders to the slaves in Astapor:

“You heard my words,” she said. “Stop them.” She spoke to her khas in the harsh accents of Dothraki. “Jhogo, Quaro, you will aid Ser Jorah. I want no rape.” (AGOT Daenerys VII)

“Sheath your steel, blood of my blood,” said Dany, “this man comes to serve me. Belwas, you will accord all respect to my people, or you will leave my service sooner than you’d wish, and with more scars than when you came.” (ACOK Daenerys V)

“...Why do the gods make kings and queens, if not to protect the ones who can’t protect themselves?”

“Some kings make themselves. Robert did.”

“He was no true king,” Dany said scornfully. “He did no justice. Justice ... that’s what kings are for.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

One might argue that this event strengthens the sense of responsibility that she already had for these people, but it's not true that there was a radical change in their dynamic after this moment... In the books, it was simply a culmination of what Dany was already doing the whole time.

The way they treat her, the way they lift her up and she is... something that has its... A revelation from a prophecy and that glorious destiny is coming true.

The way that Benioff puts it makes it seem like show!Dany expected the devotion of these people (in a way that seems related to what they assume to be her self-interest and entitlement), which irks me in hindsight knowing that a) they will use this assumption to tear her apart in the last season (after all, one reason why they had show!Dany fall was that she found no love in the North) and b) it's not accurate for her book counterpart.

Is it true that she notices that one prophecy was realized in this moment in the books? Yes.

Ten thousand slaves lifted bloodstained hands as she raced by on her silver, riding like the wind. “Mother!” they cried. “Mother, mother!” They were reaching for her, touching her, tugging at her cloak, the hem of her skirt, her foot, her leg, her breast. They wanted her, needed her, the fire, the life, and Dany gasped and opened her arms to give herself to them ... (ACOK Daenerys IV)

Ser Jorah urged her to go, but Dany remembered a dream she had dreamed in the House of the Undying. (ASOS Daenerys IV)

When it comes to Dany's motivations, though, one must take into account that a) Dany herself is not aware that she has a great destiny (nor does she want to have one) and b) the prophecies are most often intertwined with her desire to find a home, a family, companionship, belonging. This scene is no exception; before it happened, Dany had reflected on how her House would end with her due to her infertility:

She felt very lonely all of a sudden. Mirri Maz Duur had promised that she would never bear a living child. House Targaryen will end with me. That made her sad. “You must be my children,” she told the dragons, “my three fierce children. Arstan says dragons live longer than men, so you will go on after I am dead.” (ASOS Daenerys IV)

Fittingly, then, the chapter ends on a more positive note: her found family is now not only composed of dragons, but of thousands of people who she is delighted to meet:

“What are they shouting?”

“It is Ghiscari, the old pure tongue. It means ‘Mother.’”

Dany felt a lightness in her chest. I will never bear a living child, she remembered. Her hand trembled as she raised it. Perhaps she smiled. She must have, because the man grinned and shouted again, and others took up the cry. [...]

Ser Jorah urged her to go, but Dany remembered a dream she had dreamed in the House of the Undying. “They will not hurt me,” she told him. “They are my children, Jorah.” She laughed, put her heels into her horse, and rode to them, the bells in her hair ringing sweet victory. She trotted, then cantered, then broke into a gallop, her braid streaming behind. The freed slaves parted before her. “Mother,” they called from a hundred throats, a thousand, ten thousand. “Mother,” they sang, their fingers brushing her legs as she flew by. “Mother, Mother, Mother!” (ASOS Daenerys IV)

As I said before, this scene is interesting because it associates Dany's role as a queen to her role as a mother. This connection arguably not only relates to gender issues, but also to how Dany's empathy runs so deep that she goes as far as to consider all of the ones who can't protect themselves her children: because she knows what it is like to be in their position, she will be the one who, instead of focusing on heritage and feudal ties and lands, empowers them and keeps them safe as best as she can.

Unfortunately, the show writers never understood any of this because of a) their lack of knowledge of the source material and, in particular, Dany's character, and b) their misogynistic assumption that a powerful and revolutionary woman must be, deep down, vain, selfish, unhinged and reliant on the men around her (even while they're unable to depict her as one).

And then, keeping the dragons in play because they're always such an important part of her identity, we just want to tie all of that together in one great shot.

While it's not untrue that the dragons are an important part of Dany's identity, I can't help but look askance at this statement. D&D thought that it was important to portray show!Dany as helpless without her dragons in season two, after all:

Benioff: Dany is so defined by her dragons, they're so much a part at this point, they define her so much that when they're taken from her, it's almost like she reverts to the pre-dragon Daenerys, you know, everyone is a bit defined by who they were when they were an adolescent, you know, no matter how old you get, no matter how powerful you get, and Daenerys was a scared, timid, abused adolescent and I think when her dragons are taken for her, all those feelings, all those memories and emotions are triggered and come back and all the confidence that she's won over the last several months, it's as if that just evaporates and she's back to being a really frightened little girl. (x)

In the books, Dany doesn't need to be humbled by having her dragons taken from her. Her lesson is the opposite one: she learns that, despite having dragons (which are never taken from her), they are not going to be of help if she wants to gain people's loyalty. Instead, she is going to have to earn people's loyalty, which is why GRRM has Dany's perspective front and center in the books - she is the one who deeply empathizes with the slaves based on her past experiences, she is the one who chooses to start an anti-slavery campaign, she is the one who concocts the battle plans to conquer the cities, she is the one who decides to stay and rule Meereen and so on. The dragons served as the bait to deceive the Astapori masters, but her plan went way beyond the dragons, as well as the ones she made in Yunkai and Meereen.

On HBO, they think that show!Dany is "so defined by her dragons" and that "they're such an important part of her identity" to the point of portraying her as incompetent without them, which they will do again in seasons four and five with their poor adaptation of her ADWD arc (where the dragons were shown as a hindrance and Dany still held things together really well considering the huge problems that she was dealing with). And then, in the end, as we know, they will turn the draconic imagery that once meant freedom in the books (and arguably in this scene as well) into another sign of her villainy in a wing shot that, iconic as it has become, is as subtle as adding devil horns in her head.

Show!Dany's clothes

Does anyone know why is show!Dany using this accessory with her dress? I assume it's a chest pad, but I'm not sure. If anyone has any ideas, please share them with me.

#daenerys targaryen #asoiaf meta #asoiaf vs got #asos vs got #a storm of swords #s3

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daraanna · 3 years

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“Arranged Love”- Part seven „Snowflake”

To his despair, training with Sarada meant going back to the basics with the wooden sword. His wife forbade him to use katana until he learns the correct technique and how to care for his weapons. As a result, he only had it in his hand when he was cleaning it. Still, he couldn't complain. In couple of weeks, he had learned more than in his entire life. He didn't know if it was a matter of the Uchiha's unusual training methods or his new motivation. Defeating the black-haired girl in sparring turned out to be much more difficult than he thought, despite his progress, the girl continued to surprise him. It was obvious that she enjoyed the fighting a lot, which additionally distracted him during their exercises. He liked her smile and he loved her laugh. Exercising together gave them more time to get to know each other. The more time they spent, the more Sarada opened up to him. She told him about her childhood, about the history of the Uchiha clan and the whole Naka, but she still spent a lot of time in the clinic, and he always felt uncomfortable when she was away from him. He especially disliked her spending time with Kawaki. Although she dealt with him professionally, Boruto felt a twinge of jealousy every time. Therefore, when one day the boy wandered to their exercise room, at first he wanted to pounce on him.

“I never saw a girl fight like this” stranger entered the room and grabbed one of the wooden swords as if it belonged to him ”I want to spar with you ...”

“If you want to fight someone, fight me!” Uzumaki could not believe how disrespectful this guy is. This time, he would teach him good manners.

The boy looked at him with a mean smile.

“Okay ... if you want to get lose so much”

Before Sarada could stop him, blond attacked. Unfortunately, it quickly turned out that Kawaki was not bragging. After several strong blows, the heir to the throne was on the ground. He wasn't sure what hurt more his kicked ass or his hurt pride.

"Could I fight someone who can hold a sword?" He heard his opponent hoarse voice.

“Laugh as much as you want, my wife will kick your ass!”

“Boruto I'm not sure if it's a good idea ...” brunette replied, grabbing her sword.

“Relax, it's just a sparring. I wouldn't compromise your hospitality by hurting you” the boy with the mohawk took a fighting pose.

“Sarada, I'm sure you will defeat him!” He cheered but that fight turn out to be on a completely different level. Kawaki fought very aggressively and his wife quickly found herself on the defensive. Nevertheless, it took a long time before duel come to the end. To his despair this bastard won.

"I haven't fought someone as good as you for a long time" he said, pulling the sword away from her neck. “ I would be honoured to train with you until I get better”

To the despair of the future lord of Fire, his wife agreed. So their workouts for two turned into workouts for three. Which made him distracted even more. Now he was only thinking how to defeat this asshole. To make his humour worse, winter was coming. The nights grew colder and colder, and the heating in Naka was in no way as good as one the palace had made him used to. That’s while lying in bed, he was shivering with cold. It was like that until he felt someone embrace it around the waist. He turned to find himself close to Sarada's face. He held his breath.

"Normally in winter I slept with my parents, it was warmer together ..." she whispered, pressing her head against his torso. She was tense, and her heart was beating so fast he could hear her pulse. Or maybe it was his? But her body felt pleasantly warm. Even though her nose and hands were icy cold. It's not like they never cuddle before. However, it usually happened unintentionally. As if looking for the most comfortable position in sleep they always end up tangled together, but they both pretended nothing had happened. Now they were both aware of how close they were to each other. Boruto was almost hyper aware of her every touch and breath. Pretty soon he was no longer cold. He slowly embraced her and adjusted the duvet aroud them. The girl let out a small sigh and make herself comfortable in his arms.

"What do you thing about having horse ride trip tomorrow?" he asked.

“t will be cold, the stones will surely be covered with ice. These will not be good conditions for horses.”

He sighed. He had had enough of training since Kawaki joined them, he would do anything to not see that guy tomorrow.

“What about walk?”

“Hn. Sounds good ...” her voice was calm and sleepy. She yawned softly.

He smiled, sometimes she was so cute. Not long after, she fell asleep, leaving him with his thoughts.

.................................

The next day the whole area was covered with snow, which still fell from the sky in large flakes. For some reason, it got Sarada really excited as she tried to catch as many snowflakes as possible.

"Maybe we'll build a snowman?" She asked, running to the middle of the clearing. Boruto did not expect that she was capable of acting so childish. But he liked it. Watching as the girl tries to form balls from the snow, he got a devilish idea. Picking up some white fluff, he made a snowball and threw an unsuspecting brunette in the back. She let out a sigh, gave him a murderous glare, and immediately launched the bullet that struck a meter away from him. He couldn't help but laugh. Unfortunately, another snowball hit his face. Before he managed to collect snow to respond to her attack, two more hit him. A great battle began, at one point he was forced to hide behind a tree. Considering all the options he had left, he decided to attack frontally. Unfortunately, he did not predict that there was a frozen puddle under the snow layer. So, instead of stopping in front of the girl, he slipped, knocking them both into a snowdrift. His face landed in the snow next to her neck, his body half crushing hers. To his surprise, she reacted with laugh. It was a wonderful sound, and he couldn't help but smile himself. Leaning on his shoulders, he looked at her.

"You're an absolute idiot," she choked out, but he couldn't get upset about it. She looked lovely with her cheeks pink from the frost and with snowflakes in her hair. He gently brushed a strand of hair from her face. Their eyes met, and the girl stopped laughing.

"Can I kiss you?" He asked softly, he didn't want to scare her again.

She looked at him for a long time before she let out a soft "Hn". He hesitated for a moment how to interpret it, but decided to take the risk. He lightly brushed her lips with his, and Sarada kissed him back. It was quite clumsy, but very nice at the same time. He felt as if he had butterflies in his stomach, but as soon as he pulled away from her, embarrassment flooded him. He didn't know what to say, and the girl also looked self-conscious. Rising from snowdrifts gave her his arm. She accepted his help. On the way back both of them avoided talking about what had happened, but till they reached the palace, Sarada had never let go his hand.

....................................................................

I am I proud of this chapter... No. Can I write it better? I don’t thing so... But I hope you like it even if I’m terrible at describe kissing scenes... Also I think about ask someone to beta-read my works, but I have no idea how to find someone who would like to do it >.<

Anyone can help?

<<first part next part>

#borusara #boruto uzumaki #sarada uchiha #arranged love #kawaki

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maariarogers · 3 years

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How They Steal Seojun’s Scenes and Ruin A Tiny Essence of Seojun and Suho’s Character(s) in the K-Drama: A Study

Hi everybody!

First and foremost, I’m not online a lot, and whenever I do lately, I mostly try to spend it by fixating on a certain fandom — which, this time, happened to be the latest K-Drama “True Beauty”. I’ve written about two other study / analysis / meta which you could find here:

Thoughts On True Beauty and Why I’m On Team Suho

Why Webtoon!Suho is Superior and K-Drama!Suho Needs To Catch Up 👏

I’ve recently noticed during my scrolling that there has been a lot of tension between Team Seojun and Team Suho, which... broke my heart a little bit, because for the last eight episodes, I wasn’t really aware of it. I just thought everybody was having as much fun as I was just watching the K-Drama, but you know, we still have our favourites and we still have times when we disagree with the direction of the show, but by the end of the day, it was still something fun to watch, to distress with, and to share with like-minded fans.

Regardless, this is a warning that I don’t write with any intention to specifically target any characters or storyline, whether it be webtoon or the K-Drama. I do equally adore all of the cast, the production; the characters in the webtoon — and I will forever be thankful that I was fortunate enough to stumble upon the story as I did.

To add some context: I am a film student graduate, and I’ve always been interested in objectively dissecting characters, especially from a franchise, or things that came from a raw materials like True Beauty is. For your reference, I am currently at Chapter 128 of the webtoon series, although I am aware of spoilers beyond the chapters. As for the drama, I am at Episode 10 while I’m writing this. (Started at episode 9, continuing after episode 10.)

This is purely an in-depth analysis, if you’re into those sort of things, mainly discussing the major differences between webtoon representation of characters Lee Suho and Han Seojun in particular, and their mirrored selves in the K-Drama. Under the category, I will be touching on:

What the K-Drama changed the characters specifically

How They Stole Seojun Webtoon’s Scene and Character

Why Some of It Worked, Some of It Will Never

How They Highkey Ruined Seojun and Suho’s Dynamics

Why They Didn’t Need to Change the Characters At All, really

Another warning, just so any readers are aware, I am primarily a Suho x Jugeyong fan, but I’ve never really minded Seojun’s relationship with Jugyeong, either in Webtoon and K-Drama. Again, this mostly has a lot to do with how excellent the execution for Seojun was in the webtoon particularly — but I believe we’ll be getting into that.

Also, this is mostly to address the differences of webtoon vs. k-drama (and why some scene worked, why some scene didn’t work), and while I’ll be touching on the issues underlying the characters a bit, for a more thorough analysis or thoughts on the mental health represented by the characters, I would recommend reading:

By Tumblr User imjukyung (speaking about post-episode 10, specifically for Suho)

True Beauty: True Trauma and Unsettling Regression by tumblr user life-rewritten

Last Warning: This is about 5,000+ words. I... yeah. I have nothing to say except it’s written.

1. What Changed Specifically

I think the massive change an audience could probably observe — or if you can’t observe, you would find yourself being annoyed by it at certain point — would be in Suho. Yes, we’re starting with him.

I’ve been noticing a lot that people do heatedly comment that Suho’s “boring” — which, to an extent, I agree. (I mentioned this too in the first meta.) He is a massive play on the “cold and distant” trope, which, in my head, I’d like to call, a massive Edward Cullen case. That trope is often repetitive, most of the time it’s horribly executed, and it’s just, yeah, I’m not a big fan of them.

But again, I’ve mentioned this before, it works for Suho. I think this was what he was meant to be. As reference, in the webtoon even, Sua was never impressed with Suho, and she did repetitively say that the only “good thing that was going for him” was his good looks, and that he’s “boring” (in fact, I believe this is a fact since high school towards their adulthood). So yes, I think he was written like that on purpose.

On top of that, in the webtoon, compare to the K-Drama, Suho really does — nothing.

I’ll circle back to this specific characteristic because it relates to Seojun again, but I do wanted to point out that it is actually a prominent thing that’s to do with Suho. All he does in the webtoon, really, is study. Some of the things we learn later while we read would be that: he reads horror comic books as a sense of escapism, and he’s a good cook.

That’s it.

We would learn later, of course, that it is more than that. This personality is intentional and, most importantly, purposeful. What we’ve perceived as “boring” was used right against Suho — especially in the Prince of Princes arc, where the influencer called Suho out for “never trying his best” when the other contestants, Seojun and Aiden if we’re being specific, truly had something to lose while they were doing the show.

So, it wasn’t just, something the webtoon author decided Suho to be and held him no responsibility over, no — she crafted Suho like that from the beginning, she made us get used to it, and then, slowly, we see cracks of Suho’s “perfect” image and how that backfired. And Suho? He paid for it.

More than the simple cold and distant trope, his continuously monotone exterior actually did raise important questions in the long-run: For someone so smart with such a solid background, why does he seemed the most lost out of the Seojun-Jugeyong-Suho trio?

In my second meta, I wrote this:

It felt like the writers were desperate to fill the gaps for Suho possibly being “dull” [while playing] this typical cool and distant character — when, in reality, Suho’s existence as is was quite enough. He didn’t need to steal Seojun’s fighting ability, and he especially didn’t need to rob Seyeon’s musical passion too, to be interesting and have depths of his own [...]

Which I feel unfortunate about when it comes to K-Drama!Suho, and I still stand by it now. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy the K-Drama, because it could really hold up as its own separate storyline and timeline, but if we start to critically compare, we do see that, in reality, Suho could carry his “boring” character well and the K-Drama probably just didn’t know how to do this well, or thought the reception would be bad, so they added all of these unnecessarily profile traits to have him stand out.

To add, even when all he really does is study and read comic books, Jugyeong still likes him. To Jugyeong, Suho doesn’t really need to be more than what he is - their shared interest and their strong loyalty in ensuring they’re each other’s safe haven when it comes to emotional struggles were already enough for her; and for Suho, Jugyeong’s company as is had been sufficient to make him happy, or have a better outlook in life.

2. How They Stole Seojun Webtoon’s Scene and Character

This is quite a sensitive topic for Seojun’s fans, so I will try addressing this very, very carefully. If you have anymore to add and discuss, feel free — I’d love to know what else I’ve missed or might have overlooked.

In this specific section, I think I’d like to focus on three (3) major Seojun scene that was stolen. The band-aid, the wallet, and the spicy food. Of course, I’ll be touching on things they’ve stolen beyond those scenes because they did incorporate a lot of what Seojun should be experiencing to Suho, or other characters, and why this wasn’t okay — or it couldn’t be held up. But let’s start with the scene first and we’ll slowly walk to what other aspects of Seojun the writers think we wouldn’t notice being stolen.

The Band Aid Scene

In the webtoon (spoilers to those who haven’t read) in Chapter 34, Suho got into an accident in an attempt to save Jugyeong. This led her to be injured on the knees, which, after Seojun was called in, he helped treated.

In the K-Drama, Suho was the one who treated Jugyeong’s knees – but this happened very early in the series and it was specifically triggered because Jugyeong tripped on her way to run Suho’s errands.

Personally, for me, I didn’t really mind this scene was “stolen”. Now, okay, before anybody comes at me, allow me to explain why: I didn’t think it mattered? Which probably didn’t help my case in fending a lot of you off lol but — I just didn’t think it mattered because in either scenes, it was still an in-character thing for them to do. Each boy would still assist Jugyeong and treated her knees even if they’ve switched places.

What I really meant was though, the scene didn’t really take any of Seojun’s important and/or core personality away from him — which you’ll find what I mean more as we delve on soon — it was just an act which anybody would’ve done for Jugyeong in that moment.

Especially in the webtoon, the bigger focus was more towards Suho who just got into an accident. There wasn’t really any fundamental value or any obvious motivation towards the scene unless you counted Seojun finding out that Heegyeong was Jugyeong’s sister - which, even then, it was brushed over quickly because, of course, we focus heavily on Suho’s state towards the end, and we’re stirring into what really happened between the three S (Seojun-Suho-Seyeon).

In the K-Drama, it was set up in such a way with a clear motivation: Suho apologising for pushing Jugyeong to such a limit and therefore elevating their statuses in comradeship, and for Seojun to notice and took an important interest in Jugyeong after seeing Suho and her together, triggering his consecutive contacts with her afterwards.

Each of them could really hold up as their own separate acts, and both boys are still heavily in-character.

The Wallet

In Chapter 32, Jugyeong (bare-faced) met with her bullies and they had a quick confrontation in WcDonalds. We realise the bullies didn’t really think they were responsible for how they acted, and didn’t apologise. This left Jugyeong devastated, so she left the restaurant premises and went home without realising she dropped her wallet. At the restaurant, Seojun’s friends picked it up — but Seojun was the one who identified the wallet’s owner, and came back just as Jugyeong, now fully in make-up, came to get it. Despite probably having eaten, Seojun invited Jugyeong to eat, noticing she’s in a bad mood.

In the K-Drama, Episode 6 if I’m not mistaken, Jugyeong stumbled upon her former bullies bare-faced. She managed to run out of the restaurant premises before shortly realising that she dropped her wallet. When she turned, she saw Suho was with her bullies, grasping the wallet from them. She ran away, he chased after, and they had their mini confrontation and Suho shielded Jugyeong from being recognised by their schoolmates.

Again, like the first, I didn’t really hold up any grudge over the scenes? Mostly because the difference in context between them?

Allow me to explain: in the webtoon, it was clearly placed that way to show the slow elevation of friendship between Jugyeong and Seojun; that scene also progressed to Jugyeong meeting Seojun’s group of friends later, which triggers to more scenes of them in the future i.e. Jugyeong trying out clothes at the request of Seojun’s friend’s girlfriend and Seojun obviously falling hard during the whole process.

(I also think like these are the first few instances where we’re established a place Seojun and Jugyeong bonded over most besides school, i.e. the shopping street background, because them shopping together in that group, or just the two of them, are relatively mentioned or brought up again and again.)

But that can’t realistically work for K-Drama.

In the webtoon, we’re allowed for a slow-paced friendship between Jugyeong and Seojun to form, which was important, because it was meant to bring us to the tipping point wherein Seojun transformed from being that best male friend (and why he stayed being the male best friend), to her boyfriend. The why, of course, is important — but we’ll get to that soon.

In the K-Drama, we’re not allowed the amount of pace. And, more than that, all of Seojun’s friends in the webtoon, who are high school dropouts or older (and therefore were not attending school) I believe, are replaced by the massive group Seojun has in their shared high school. So, the opportunity as is wasn’t really there, and it was later restricted by the time frame of a sixteen-episodes.

I’ll be touching on the fact that they do make up for this with various scenes, various new opportunities, but you can still see how Seojun falls a little short still to compare with his webtoon counterpart.

Speaking of the context further, technically I don’t think Suho “stole” the scene. The act, yes, I’ll admit to that, but not the scene, nor the core of what bonded Jugyeong and Seojun together — Suho didn’t have an external group of friends which he brought Jugyeong to meet, and he certainly didn’t share the street-shopping backgrounds and have a comforting meeting place with Jugyeong there.

I would’ve been more upset if Seojun confronted the bullies himself and returned the wallet to Jugyeong in the webtoon, only for Suho to obviously rob this scene from him in the K-Drama, when it was obviously Seojun’s highlighted moment. But as is, it happened differently.

Suho’s acts could held up as his own, especially since, different than the webtoon, he already saw bare-faced Jugyeong and knew the owner of the wallet [as he’s watched the scene unfold], while Seojun happened to find the wallet and Jugyeong thankfully had her ID, the one with make-up on her face, which led to Seojun keeping it and giving it back to her when they bump into each other later.

They weren’t really any confrontations about insecurities, past mistakes or the truth to be had; for Seojun and Jugyeong, that scene was only a “beginning” (the first of many events to come, the trigger point on how the rest starts), while for Suho, it was a “conclusion” (scenes triggered by other events first, ending with a specific decision).

The Spicy Food

Now, this is where I get a bit iffy? I wasn’t happy with it, simply put. I understand they amended it in episode 9, but — it still happened. And hoo-boy, they weren’t sneaky about it at all.

In the webtoon, Episode 33, Seojun invited Jugyeong to eat tteokbokki with him. Jugyeong wasn’t really feeling up to eat, but she accepted because she likes spicy food. Later, while having the meal together, Seojun is obviously having a hard time eating the spicy food, which Jugyeong internally questioned about.

In the K-Drama, Heegyeong and Mr. Han went on a date, and then we later find out that Mr. Han couldn’t withstand spicy food. He didn’t want to return the meal though, thinking that he would’ve burdened the staff.

Again, one can obviously just argue that, it happened in different context too, just like it did in the Wallet Scene. Or, better yet, that it’s fine, since they did include this in episode 9 in the end. But — the reason I had a problem with this choice of writing was because, unlike the other two examples, not beiong able to handle spicy food is a major, if not a constant, Seojun’s characteristics and behaviour.

That’s a Seojun thing, rather than a simple action, and taking that from him, or basing it off of him, feels a little... lazy.

Mr Han in the webtoon, while he didn’t play a major part and Heegyeong eventually lost interest in him, was a messy eater. They could’ve gone with that route easily. That he’s a messy eater, and Heegyeong finds herself liking it anyway — that is, if, like how I’ve been viewing the direction of the show, they really do want them to be together.

That’s already been apart of Mr. Han’s already-established behaviour, why take it from Seojun?

Which led us to the few bits of how Seojun is stolen beyond simple scenes.

Seojun’s Character

Now, “stolen” is such a big word. It’s right, to an extent, but it’s still such a big word. More than that, I’d say it’s “chipped”? As in, the true essence of what made Seojun so remarkable and strong as a second male lead in the webtoon is taken apart to have it lend to other characters or, equally worse, downplayed in the drama.

I’ve always had such a problem and it’s a MAJOR problem when Seojun, in the K-Drama, told Suho, “You don’t deserve to be happy.”

Straight-up, honest to god? That isn’t Seojun at all.

Yes, he’s upset. And yes, he’s irritated by what he perceived as Suho not coming to his expectation when it came to their shared loss regarding Seyeon and/or what he thought Suho failed to do. These are all true. Seojun is angry, and he’s consistently angry at Suho until they reach their resolution together — but he would never wish that on Suho.

What drove his anger was disappointment, was a sense of hopelessness, was the loss, but it never came from hatred. Seojun felt a lot towards Suho, but hate to the point of wishing someone’s unhappiness was never one of them.

Just having that spoken by Seojun contradicted a lot to how he behaves in the webtoon — which was honestly this upstanding, responsible and caring guy. And he is!

And while I adore Suho and he has a special place in my heart, I do see a stark difference to how Seojun operates if we compare to Suho: Seojun’s always been straightforward with his actions, countlessly working hard once he sets his mind to something (either that by choice, or otherwise i.e. helping his mom pay the bills, and then pursuing a career in being an idol) — he’s a go-getter.

Suho isn’t, not so directly at least. He’s quiet, and he keeps things to himself, and he doesn’t like a show. Which was why a lot of him “helping out” Jugyeong — mostly driving off weird men or confronting them — happened behind the scenes and without anybody’s knowledge. He doesn’t even really wanna acknowledge it after.

Seojun’s direction in life is clear, too. He wants to work right after school, and he does. He wants to treat Jugyeong properly as her romantic partner, and he does. He wants to be an idol and succeed, and he works hard on it.

Suho, on the other hand, not so much. A lot of the major things that did happen to Suho, it happened externally. Something else was pushing him to do an action. Him flying out to Japan due to his father, him returning to Korea etc. Again, this is a lot to do with his mental health as well, which is a separate post altogether, but I just wanted to point this out as comparison.

Rambling over — yes, if you’re not an avid webtoon reader, just know that, that specific line from Seojun? He would never. That was already so out-of-character of him because, as I’ve said and I will say it again, whatever anger Seojun harboured for Suho, it never came from such ugly or raw hatred. He didn’t understand Suho’s motivation after and/or during Seyeon’s death, and I do believe he could lash out from that - but he never held any extreme grudges.

To add, in the webtoon, that line was actually spoken by Suho when he admitted to his therapist that he think he doesn’t deserves to be happy.

This is also a big thing in my opinion, because it shows how differently Seojun and Suho coped — either with Seyeon, or whatever that comes after. Seojun has always been more prone to anger while Suho, either that added by his fluctuating mental health or otherwise, is prone to sadness.

Now, these are two extremely big negative emotions to be associated with our ever-favourite boys, but it’s true. It’s consistent throughout their characters all-through the story (in the webtoon, at least). And it does play a role, because, again, it showcases the difference of characters between Seojun and Suho, and how they react to situations differently. Seojun with his quick-temper, and Suho, easily feeling hopeless.

So, why is it important to know this?

Because a lot of Seojun’s anger, a lot of that deep-rooted aggression — that was transferred to Suho in the K-Drama. And no cap? It shouldn’t have.

3. Why It Worked, Why It Will Never

Let’s go back to the broader subject briefly.

At this point of the K-Drama, which is ten episodes in, I felt a little moot comparing scenes specifically to what had happened in the webtoon. It’s always nice, of course, to critically analyse any form of entertainment so we could always better our watching experiences or give the proper feedbacks to the creative industry, and while I like delving in deep too, I also have to remind myself a lot to not .... take it too seriously, essentially.

Because at this point, obviously the K-Drama has adapted many of the plot points from the webtoon, and re-arranged it to fit into what they deemed to be necessary to work in that timeline. And that’s okay!

For example, while Seojun’s scene was borrowed to other characters, we do get the opportunity to see Seojun being presented slightly differently. We have that new arc regarding his mother, and we see a whole loveable cast of group Seojun has acquired during his time schooling, and Seojun gets a ton more interactive chances with Jugyeong to make up for what they couldn’t do — that is, the slow progress of them becoming truly close friends till they’re in their young adult years — and every scene of them could still hold up as a magnifying and incredible moment as its own.

For example, that scene when Seojun took care of a sick Jugyeong in the bus, and he said (although I’m recalling only from memory), “I don’t like it when people get sick.” Which I think was super sweet and super impactful at the same time. This didn’t happen in the webtoon, but in the K-Drama, among the first scenes they’ve introduced Seojun in was when he was in the hospital visiting his mother; we also learn later that he actually time off from school to do help his parent.

So obviously Seojun’s cautious on anything that’s to do with somebody contracting an illness etc — and not only it showed in that one dialogue, it’s made more brilliant when Seojun, who can’t really afford any expensive jewellery, made Jugyeong a flower-braid bracelet. I think that was such a nice contrast, a nice touch and ugh!!!!!

That really punched me straight into my Seojun x Jugyeong heart.

We also see a different way of them interpreting and putting Sujin brilliantly into the story. I really want to go deeper into this, but I don’t believe I have sufficient enough thoughts beyond the fact that I much prefer the way the K-Drama built up Sujin to compare with how the webtoon placed Sujin. She has more motivation, she has more leverage, and last but not least, she has much more flexibility to become a serious second female lead and rival.

I do have a problem with how they decided to go with Suho, because again, I think all of the extra personality traits are not necessary. Suho doesn’t need to be a good fighter like Seojun had been established to be, and he doesn’t need to be musically passionate, like Seyeon was, because his own personality and character should’ve been enough. He could carry that personality well; he doesn’t need to be “more”.

Which brought us to this: Seojun’s aggressiveness taken by Suho.

To make this short - it just doesn’t work. It didn’t... really feel out of character, per se, but I'm not the biggest fan of it. I felt like, personally, the writers sort of missed the point of what truly made Suho Suho — which was this guy who was more prone to melancholy-based emotion than anything else �� and, in return, (again, I’ll be using the word) they “chipped” away at Seojun because of it.

So, what should’ve been Seojun’s distinctive reaction carried specifically by his character, it was shared by Suho.

Suho isn’t unpredictable, he isn’t quick-tempered, and he isn’t fast on his feet. These are all Seojun’s major personality traits. He’s opinionated, yes, and he isn’t afraid to set his boundaries — but mostly, only his own. One of the more primary example I could give from the K-Drama that I think sorta worked at first glance, but didn’t really when you think twice about it, in regards to this, was Suho chasing after Seojun and Jugyeong after a gang of people were running towards them. (This is after the karaoke scene.)

Honestly, rather than just wasting his energy, it’d be more appropriate if Suho calls the cop.

Suho’s incredibly logical, and furiously straightforward. He doesn’t precisely need to be running around for — what? What was he achieving anyways in the K-Drama by running after the gang? See how it sorta doesn’t make sense? So, yes, if it doesn’t make sense - Suho wouldn’t.

Again, this circles back to how the different way the boys coped or react, as I mentioned earlier, and it’s important to be distinctive with these because both boys are two separate individuals with two different ways of seeing the world and taking them in, and, cheesy as I may, representation matters.

And when it isn’t represented properly, and I’ll be repeating this over and over: Seojun’s character seems like it’s “chipped away”. Not stolen, no, because it’s still there but — what should’ve been an emotion his specific character should harbour, it feels ... lacklustre, almost. Like a joke: what makes Seojun’s anger so “special” compared to the obvious internalised rage Suho seems to have [in the K-Drama]?

4. How Is Seojun and Suho Dynamic Ruined?

Simply put: observe the way the writers put Seojun and Suho when it comes to Jugyeong.

In the K-Drama, it’s constant rivalry between the boys — driven, of course, by Suho’s possibly deteriorating mental health and the insecurity that came with. But it was also easily flamed by Seojun making jabs and/or crossing the boundaries by being there when he shouldn’t have been.

Now, I’m not into the whole Team Seojun vs. Team Suho thing because the real tea is, that just isn’t Seojun and Suho.

And when the K-Drama writers failed to incorporate how exactly Seojun and Suho had been when both boys clearly shared an affection towards the same person, Jugyeong, I feel like — out of everything, that’s when they lost the biggest essence of what made these two men who they are.

Because Seojun and Suho? They were mad respectful towards each other.

I think one of the most memorable and important scene, and I carry this in my heart, was when Jugyeong was supposed to go out on that date with Suho, and they promised each other — but then Suho’s father got into an accident, and Jugyeong wasn’t reachable because she broke her phone.

You know who showed up to that date to inform Jugyeong? It was Seojun.

And it was Seojun again who came to pick Jugyeong up and got into the taxi to the airport to see Suho off. Seojun was the one who gave Jugyeong and Suho some time to say goodbye between themselves, tapping Jugyeong on the back when he walks away. That’s how far Seojun really cared for the girl he loves: he was willing to let her love the person she likes.

He was supportive, without being discriminating.

And it was the same again when it’s reversed. During the whole time Seojun and Jugyeong were dating, Suho never once showcased that he was dissatisfied or he wasn’t happy with the development. In fact, again and again, he was supportive. He put in good words for Seojun, he encouraged Jugyeong to always work it out between her and Seojun.

Of course, there are hiccups here and there — but that was the true essence, I believe, of the Seojun-and-Suho dynamic.

Even despite the misunderstanding, even through the romantic interest coming in between them, there will always have this big respect to not go behind one another and put the other down, I think. They would confront, and have their clashing moments face-to-face (but never too aggressively because Suho’s weak and often pulls back lol), but very rarely does it go further than that.

Even when they’re driven with anger, jealousy, or disappointment — you could tell that the bond they’ve shared from their middle school and with Seyeon were always somehow stronger.

And yes, you could argue that maybe, in this point of the K-Drama, they aren’t reconciled yet, which is why they acted the way they did. But I feel like? That didn’t matter? Because, in episode 10, we could clearly see Seojun having the capability of being supportive and putting his good faith in Suho, despite not being on good terms with the guy (e.g. when he advised, “Suho would never do that to you.”) even though that’s quickly tarnished when Seojun, in the same breath, quickly suggest for a break-up.

I don’t really have any defence for Suho because I already felt like him expressing constant aggression towards Seojun is already wrong, misplaced, or poorly written — so whatever action that came after always came a bit off for me. For example, rather than putting the blame for his own jealousy towards Seojun or Jugyeong (i.e. episode eight in its entirety), Suho is the kind of person to blame himself. He would feel that he lacked something, that it was him that wasn’t enough, that it must be him that’s done something to push Jugyeong, or anybody, away.

(Again, echoing his admittance: “I don’t think I deserve to be happy.” or, if we’re going with the K-Drama route, from Seojun’s accusation.)

5. Why They Didn’t Need To Change At All

The worst part of knowing or realising these small details is that, the story could still work. It could still move the characters forward, and have the relatively same outcome i.e. Suho lashing out by the end, threatened by his own insecurity that Jugyeong might prefer Seojun after all etc — but instead, we have these amazing characters that came off at 90% in the drama adaptation, but the 10% that really mattered to their characters weren’t mixed in well enough.

So, the question comes: how exactly should they be acting?

First, Suho’s often more calm — the calmest, in fact, between the Suho-Jugyeong-Seojun trio. This still doesn’t mean he doesn’t have any pent-up guilt, or sadness, or even aggression, but it rarely ever comes out violently. Even if it does, in any shape or form, mostly the emotions are fired back towards himself i.e. experiencing massive self-loathing, self-doubt, which, of course, may in return affect his interpersonal relationships.

Episode 10 played this out nicely, in fact: because we do have a scene where Suho’s being incredibly understanding and respectful in the beginning, but then little things and mistimed events built up (without proper explanations from the other party, to add) and he essentially imploded on himself i.e. lashing out, spiralling, having a mental breakdown, and by the end of it, (trigger warning ahead) committing suicide and/or self-harming himself by walking freely and stopping in the middle of traffic.

Secondly, Seojun could’ve still held so much anger at Suho for what happened with Seyeon and had fallen for Jugyeong all the while, but he could still stay in-character by never explicitly trying to constantly put Suho down. It just goes against a character so substantial for putting his all towards the people he loves, or have loved. And Seojun have loved Suho as a best friend - so for him to act the way he did, to say that line ( “You don’t deserve to be happy” ) especially, that makes me sad.

6. Conclusion

True Beauty, on the surface, will always be a light-hearted romance comedy that honestly has very interesting and well thought-of characters that... don’t necessarily stand out, I don’t think, among other high school K-Drama, but it does represent young adults or teens who seemed to “look like they’re doing well” but a lot of us really aren’t. We’re just figuring things out as we go along, and that’s what Suho, Seojun and Jugyeong seemed to be doing with us: they’re figuring things out as they go along, too.

In the end, there really isn’t much of a point expressing these thoughts except that it gives me simple pleasures, and if it can attract a few people who loves True Beauty too, I would simply die of appreciation. I hope a lot of the K-Drama audience can have a slight knowledge that, yes, Seojun is absolutely super kind, way kinder than he’s been portrayed on screen, and yes, Suho isn’t normally that possessive - protective, yes - he never stalks or particularly demands anything out of Jugyeong though.

Okay, before this got too long again, I thank you for reading!

Feel Free To Ask Me Anything

#True Beauty #Lee Suho #Han Seojun #i did this over three days like.....#why #why must i? but i must #i think its mostly triggered by seojun's ''you dont deserve to be happy'' line #like..... he did that man dirty #and i am here to TELL IT LIKE IT IS!#i feel like... its one thing to make a typical two men in rivalry over the same lady trope #but its another when.... its canon that these two men #are actually very astounding and very good people #i dont know #its just been in my head #since episode 8 i think #and i need this OUT #True Beauty Meta

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