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greenygreenland · 3 years

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What I'd Do For You:

-imagine Roy as your adoptive father

-he'd be so flawed but he'd try his hardest

-I write for females because that's what I'm most comfortable with, but it's not too prominent (please don't be offended! It's only what I'm comfortable with!)

Summary: You're feeling down. Roy's here to help.

Today was nothing short of a bad day. It poured as soon as you stepped out of the house, and before you could grab your umbrella, you realised you were going to be late. Not long after, you ran straight into Ed and Al, who both ignored you in favour of chasing some guy down the street.

Whatever, you told yourself. Not like I needed a 'hi' from my best friends anyway.

Not long after, a car zoomed by and splashed muddy water at you. If it weren't for the rain, you'd be caked in the stuff. As you continued down the street, some guy thought it would be fun to mug you. Of course, when he found out you were a state alchemist, he made a run for it. But that didn't make you feel better, not when there were people staring at you like you were a nuisance.

What did you ever do to them anyway? Maybe it was just the fact today was a terrible Monday afternoon.

When you got to Roy's office, your clothes were sopping wet, your hair a matted mess, and your heart, very much hardened and cold. You softly closed the door behind you. There was no point in slamming it when you didn't have the energy to be angry in the first place.

"(Y/n)?" Roy stared at you incredulously. "What happened to you?" You pointed to the window.. The pouring rain and gray clouds were enough of an answer. "Everything happened, that's what." He raised a brow with a short sigh. "'Everything' is quite vague, don't you think?" He stood and made his way to a cabinet. From seemingly nowhere, he found a towel and threw it at you.

"Thanks Roy." You ran it through your hair and placed it on the couch to sit on. It was just as wet as your clothes, but it wasn't like anyone had a blow dryer on hand. Roy took a seat across from you on the opposing couch. "Care to tell me what happened today?"

You thought back to the Elric brothers, then the mugging and everything else you had to go through today. Roy listened intently. "Why did you leave the house so late?" he inquired. "You could have been here at eight o'clock sharp if you hadn't been up all night reading. Then you could have avoided that mugger, the rain, and everything in between." You huffed. "So what? Changing one thing wouldn’t change the day. And besides, it was a good book. What else was I supposed to do?"

"Put it down." Roy plainly offered. "Save that 'last page' for tomorrow, or better yet, sleep before three in the morning." You didn't like the way he was looking at you, as if he were deciding on whether he should be disappointed, frustrated, or annoyed with you. But bad habits died hard. It wasn't easy to break out of those cycles.

You leaned back into the couch. Defeat crossed your eyes, and that was when Roy realized how tired you looked. It wasn't because of your constant travels, or the fact that Edward and Alphonse ignored you completely (he'd give them a piece of his mind later on), but because you were burnt out.

And maybe feeling a bit down.

"You've been studying a lot." Roy stated. You didn't need him to point out the obvious. It was no secret you were doing your best to help the Elric brothers on their journey towards finding their bodies. "Have you found anything useful?" You shook your head with a tight frown. There was so much you needed to work out, so many variables that didn't add up, and so many frauds you needed to uncover.

"Whenever we're close," you mumbled, "our goal keeps getting farther away. Sometimes I feel so useless while Ed and Al go off on their own accord. I just...I don't know." Your shoulders slumped and Roy's heart began to ache. "It's so hard, and I'm really..." A sigh escaped your lips.

"Tired?" Roy finished. He knew that look well, the one where your eyes darkened with clouds and you looked like you wanted to scream when you couldn't. Long ago, he had the same look. Silently, he swore he'd never do it again. At least, not when you were around.

Seeing that same look on your face made him sick to the stomach. "Take a day off," he started. "The Lieutenant is here so don't worry. As for the Elric brothers, I don't think they'll need your help now. They’re fine as is if you ask me." Roy winced at his words. He didn't mean to make it sound like you were unwanted. In fact, he wouldn't do that even if he was paid.

"Maybe I'm not needed by them anymore.” you concluded. “They're busy anyway, so they won't miss me. It’s been weeks since we last talked actually. And besides, Ed’s really great at everything he does. Same with Al. They’re skilled, smart, everything I’m not." You smiled and it was a bit watery.

Roy's lips parted. No, no, no, that wasn't what he meant. The urge to punch himself in the face was overwhelming. Why was he so bad at wording things?

You stood and folded the wet towel. "I'll take the day off. I'm not sure what I'll do though."

"Wait--"

"If you need me, I'll be around the block somewhere." You looked like you were about to cry, and all Roy could do was watch. He wanted to say something, but what if he made it worse? Saying 'Don't cry!' wasn't exactly comforting, and by the looks of it, you weren't in the mood to talk anything through.

A forced smile made its way to your lips. "I'll be back later Roy."

And just like that, you were gone. The door closed shut with a small click, leaving Roy alone in the quiet office. He stared at the phone on his desk tensely. Hughes was good with people, and he knew how to talk to (Y/n) better than most. If Roy called then maybe...

No. Why should he have to rely on Maes? This was (Y/n). He could deal with his daughter just fine. "Teenagers." He found himself making his way to the phone "Why are they so hard to understand?” The familiar beeping sounded on the other end as he dialed the number.

“Hello, could you connect me to Maes Hughes?”

-----

The lone bench you took refuge on was lonely. But you were fine with that. Here, no one could see you through all the pouring rain and darkened clouds. As your tears mixed in with the cold droplets, you stared into the far off distance. The trees swayed in the occasional breeze and you shivered.

Maybe you should have brought a coat.

Suddenly, the rain stopped pounding against your head. Your dampened hair had rivers flowing down it, and the tears that quietly came to a stop left your cheeks with stains.

“So this is where you’ve been,” a voice calmly said. You didn’t need to look up to know who it was. Why, after an hour, did he come looking for you in the rain? It wasn’t like it mattered. Roy settled by your side, the umbrella hovering above. “Here,” he handed you your coat, “you’re shivering.”

You pushed the coat away with a shake of your head. “I don’t need it.” There was a crack in your voice you covered with a cough. If Roy noticed or not, he didn’t show it. Instead, he helped you put on the coat. “It would be inconvenient if you were sick,” he decided. “How are you supposed to help the Elrics with a cold?”

That didn’t matter. The Elrics were busy for all you cared, and it wasn’t like they needed you anyway. “I’m dead weight, dad.” The words made your eyes sting again. “They don’t-t-they don’t need me.”

“And why is that?” Roy’s gentle tone made the tears fall fast. “Because, dad, I’m useless. Edward’s so much better at everything. He--he’s always saving the day and figuring out all of this country’s problem’s. And...and when I try to help, I always mess it up.”

You thought back to earlier today, where you bumped into the boys spontaneously. They might’ve been busy, but they blatantly ignored you. And the fact that they hadn’t called all week made you worry. Had you done something wrong? No, maybe they didn’t care for you anymore because you were so useless.

“I...I don’t know what to do.” With the umbrella over your head, Roy saw every tear as clear as day. He watched your shoulders tense and your fists clench into tight fists. You were trying to stop crying, but the tears kept coming and coming like a river.

How useless of you.

“Come here.” You didn't want Roy to see your face. “Come here,” he repeated. You hesitantly scooted closer to him on the soaking bench. He held the umbrella in his left hand and pulled you close with his other. When was the last time he actually hugged you like this? He couldn’t remember, and that made him feel guilty.

Was it his fault that you thought so lowly of yourself? Maybe he should have been more adamant on showing how proud he was of your accomplishments. Becoming a State Alchemist at this age was more than a simple privilege. It was a precedent that no generation had ever seen in their lives.

“Why do you compare yourself to Fullmetal?” he inquired, rubbing your arm comfortingly. “He’s not you.”

“But he’s better than me and I can’t measure up to him.” Roy shook his head dismissively. For a moment, you wondered you disappointed him. “It doesn’t matter what Fullmetal is, (Y/n). He’s strong, I admit, but the most hot-headed kid I’ve ever met. Unlike him out, you never let emotions blind your choices. That’s something Fullmetal can’t do. As for strength, you don’t need that.”

He smiled a little and it was so warm. It wasn’t everyday you got to see this side of Roy. He was always caught up in paperwork, plans, and looking after what he worked so hard to accomplish. “You have enough wits to outsmart me. Remember that time Fullmetal challenged me to a match?”

You nodded. “I joined because I didn’t think he could handle it. Ed didn’t want my help, but I ended up coming along anyway.” A smug smirk made its way up Roy’s lips. “And who lasted the longest?”

“Me.”

“And why was that?”

"Because I read your attack patterns?" You uncertainly replied. Roy frowned. "Say it like you mean it."

"Because I read your attack patterns." you repeated. An approving look made its way up your dad's face. "Exactly. Fullmetal has wit, but you are a much more terrifying opponent." You sniffled with a huff. "I'm not--I'm not even close to your level."

"You don't have to be." Roy turned his gaze to the pouring rain, as if he were thinking about how useless his alchemy would be. "If you believed in yourself more, then you will advance farther than you've already come."

That wasn't true. How could you believe in yourself when you felt like an absolute failure? It didn't matter how many successes you've had in the past, because what if they were all flukes? Some day, your luck would run out. Then you'd let your dad down, along with Ed and Al and Hawkeye and Uncle Maes and everyone else you knew.

"You're not a failure, if that's what you're thinking." Roy blurted out. "I couldn't be more proud of how far you've come. The day I met you, I thought I'd fail you. Look where we are now." He laughed a little and it made you relax in his hold. "If you were a failure, you wouldn't have become a reowned State Alchemist. You wouldn't have survived in the most dire times either, and you wouldn't have made me so proud of you."

Your eyes widened. Had you heard him right? You had to be hearing things. Roy met your gaze and smiled warmly. "Yes, I'm proud of you. Why wouldn't I be?" For a moment, you remained still. The gears in your head churned like clockwork, dissecting and rewinding the words Roy had spoken. You tentatively wrapped your arms around Roy's middle.

Yes, I'm proud of you.

You buried your head into his shoulder.

Why wouldn't I be?

And then you cried. Today was nothing short of a bad day, but if you hadn't forgotten your umbrella, gotten ignored by the Elrics, nearly mugged, or showed up late, then you wouldn't have been able to hear those words and the silent I love you's.

IF YOU LIKE THIS, PLEASE REBLOG (IT HELPS ME OUT SOOOO MUCH AS A WRITER!)

#fullmetal alchemist #fullmetal alchimist brotherhood #fullmetal alchemist x reader #roy mustang #roy mustang x reader #platonic #fmab roy #fmab fanfiction #fma fanfiction #fma #fmab #anime x reader #anime fanfic #sorry i'm on mobile #forgive me

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mimzy-writing-online · 4 years

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Writing A Blind/Visually Impaired Character: Canes, Guide Dogs, O&M

Wow, back in June I decided to take a few months break from blogging to recharge and focus on my mental health. About a month ago I began writing this specific post, slowly and in stages because of how demanding, detailed, and long it is.

I’m not sure when I planned to come back. I have about 200 posts with tags and image description in my drafts folder, waiting to be queued, but I wanted to finish this guide before I fully came back.

Come back with a bang, right?

But this blog, and specifically, my Writing a Blind or Visually Impaired Character guide, has gotten so much traffic and support that I felt incredibly motivated to come back now.

So I finished the guide, and now here it is. It’s been a year+ in the making. Since the very beginning of this writing advice series about writing blind characters, I’ve promised to write a guide specifically about canes, guide dogs, O&M, and other accessibility measures the blind community relies on.

In fact, if you look at my master post for this guide (now pinned at the first post on my blog) you’ll find that it was reserved as Part Four, even as other guides and additions were added over the last year.

In this post I’ll be explaining

What Orientation and Mobility (O&M) is

How one learns O&M

About canes, from different types of canes and their parts, as well as how to use a cane.

I will be explaining the sensory experiences of using a cane and how to describe it in narrative.

I will include small mannerisms long-time cane uses might develop.

At the very end will be a section on guide dogs, but this will be limited to research because I have no personal experience with guide dogs, being a cane user.

Disclaimer: I am an actual visually impaired person who has been using a cane for nearly three years and has been experiencing vision loss symptoms for a few years longer than that. This guide is based on both my experiences and my research. My experiences are not universal however because every blind person has a unique experience with their blindness

What Is Orientation & Mobility

Orientation and Mobility (O&M) is the specific skill of understanding and navigating the world safely and confidently with vision loss.

I’m going to quote Vision Aware’s specific definition [link]

"Orientation" refers to the ability to know where you are and where you want to go, whether you're moving from one room to another or walking downtown for a shopping trip.

"Mobility" refers to the ability to move safely, efficiently, and effectively from one place to another, such as being able to walk without tripping or falling on steps or elevation changes, crossing streets, and using public transportation

O&M can involve :

-learning how to use a cane, as well as what cane works best for you

-safely navigating obstacles with your cane, including stairs, ramps, elevators, uneven or curved sidewalks, through crowds, around furniture

-learning safe strategies for crossing the street

-planning routes to new or recurring locations

-using technology enroute, including GPS and apps like Uber and Lyft

-safely accessing public transportation

-how to ask for help when needed

-working with human sighted guides

A Note on the Blind Community and Their Relationship with Canes

The Perkins School for the Blind estimates that only 2-8% of the blind community rely on canes for navigation. The rest rely on remaining vision, guide dogs, and sighted guides. Only about 2% of the blind community relies on guide dogs however, and to get a guide dog in the first place, a person must go through O&M classes and use a cane for six months before they can sign up for a guide dog.

What this means is that 90% of the blind community don’t use a cane.

I didn’t know this fact until I begun research for this guide, and that number astounds me.

Truth be told, while I have navigated my life without a cane before, I can’t imagine going back to the way it was before I got it. Even if I only need my cane some of the time, I can’t bear to not use it in the situations I need it. Having a cane made my life a lot easier, a lot safer.

I don’t know what to attribute this number to.

I might attribute it to the concepts of invisible vs. visible disability, internalized ableism, or the feeling of ‘not being blind enough’ for a cane, as well as accessibility to the blind community and knowledge, and access to buying a cane in the first place. I could write a thing about it, but if I try it’s gonna be its own post.

Onward~

How Do You Learn O&M? How Will My Character Learn?

You will have to find an Orientation and Mobility instructor and have them personally teach you O&M skills.

The O&M Instructor is a sighted adult who has gone to school for a bachelor’s degree and gone through O&M training themselves while blindfolded, usually fulfilling a certain requirement of hours (one program required 400 hours of O&M practice blindfolded before you could become certified), and apply for certification to teach O&M.

(Or, as is the process to become an instructor in the United States, where I am from. Becoming an instructor would vary in other countries, I’m sure)

To find an O&M instructor, you would reach out to your local school or foundation for the blind. Finding your nearest school for the blind could be done through…

Google search

Your Ophthalmologist (eye doctor) referring you to a school for the blind

A Social Service Worker reaching out to you and helping you contact the school

Possibly your school (as in grade/primary school, high school, university) reaching out to the nearest school for the blind on your behalf.

Unfortunately, there is not an abundance of schools and foundations, so your nearest might still be a far travel distance. My local school is a 45 minute drive away. For some it might a few hours away.

This is, again, a U.S. experience, because our land mass is spaced out, and something like a six hour drive feels like nothing to most people (although is highly impractical and very difficult to a blind person who cannot drive themselves), but in other countries a six hour drive would mean crossing several borders, and other countries have different social programs.

There is not a full and complete database of every available school for the blind either, no one website to find every possible option. For example, the school I went to wasn’t listed in most of the website resources I found, even though it has seven branches and locations.

This is more a complaint at the real life struggle to find disabled services, that there are few comprehensive resources out there. If you ask me, it should be made significantly easier to find and access your local blind communities. Accessibility and disabled services should be easily available everywhere.

If your story is based in a real world location, googling ‘school for the blind (city/county/country)’ should suffice in finding the one most local to your setting.

What might a school for the blind provide for your character?

Well, on top of helping your character connect to an O&M instructor, a school for the blind might provide other rehabilitation classes and access to additional resources.

Those rehabilitation classes could include lessons on:

-Reading/Writing Braille & using brailling machines

-Technology classes for screen readers, magnifiers, etc on your computer and smart phone.

My local school has separate classes specific to Andriod, iOS, JAWS, Zoomtext Fusion

-Independent Living skills (cooking, cleaning, organizing, planning how to get groceries and medications)

-Self Improvement (dancing, art, music, self defense. These were classes my school taught)

The additional resources form these schools might include-

Referrals to counselors for coping with vision loss

Access to their audio-book and braille library

Access to magnifier devices, brailler machines (think of a typewriter for writing braille)

Some schools also offer grade-school or high-school education, meaning blind children/teens learn there instead of a mainstream school.

Some schools have lodgings for clients to stay at while going through rehabilitation, especially if the vision loss is sudden and severe. They live on-campus and take part in classes. Other schools only have day classes offered and you need to find transportation for every visit. Many schools might have a rehabilitation specialist or O&M instructor visit you in your home.

My local school did the last two. They had on site classes, but the school is a 45 minute drive from me, so I only visited a few times. They were able to send an O&M instructor to me.

On Wednesdays at 3 pm she would drive to my house and give me lessons on using my cane. Those included her driving me to different locations to practice certain skills (like using stairs and escalators at the mall, or crossing a moderately busy intersection, or visiting a bus station to practice boarding a bus safely and communication with a bus driver where my stop was).

She also brought multiple different types of canes for new students to try out and determine which felt best for them.

The Many Types of Canes

Long Canes are used to sweep the immediate area in front of the cane user as they’re walking. This is the cane type that the general public is most familiar with seeing. There are several sub-types of long canes. They can also be called white canes or probing canes.

[Image Description: Man in business clothes traveling on the side walk with a white and red cane. End Image Description]

White cane can be a misnomer for two reasons: One, the concept of the standard cane for the blind can look different in different countries. In America, the standard is white with a red tip. In some countries the standard is an all-white cane. In some countries an all white cane might mean the user is blind while a white cane with a red tip means the user is deaf-blind.

Two, some companies like Ambutech allow customers to customize their cane colors and tips. Example: Molly Burke’s hot pink cane. My white cane with a purple tip. An all black or all sky blue or all red or all purple cane. A black cane with a blue or purple tip. Ambutech also allows customers to request neon-colored reflective tape to make their canes more visible at night.

Probing cane is not a term I’ve personally heard before, but it is a term Vision Aware uses on their website.

There are three main types of long canes:

Non-folding Canes: a cane that has no sections, cannot be folded or collapsed.

[Image Description: stock photo of man in business suit with a non-folding all white cane. End Image Description]

Folding Canes: The cane has 3-6 sections depending on its height. The taller the cane, the more sections it has. The sections are separate pieces that are made to snap together and are held together by a strong elastic rope inside the sections.

[Image Description: a folding cane with four sections, white with a red tip, and a rolling marshmallow tip. End Image Description]

Telescopic Canes: in which the sections slide into each other, similar to a telescope/spyglass, rather than pulling apart and folding. The handle is the widest section, and the tip section is the thinnest.

[Image Description: Three stacked images of a blue telescopic cane. First is of the cane completely collapsed. Second is of the sections partially sliding out. Third is the cane sections completely out and locked.]

Beyond that is also the Identification Cane. The function of this cane is to visibly identify the user as blind. It’s not used for O&M the way long canes are, there is no sweeping out the next two steps. It can be used as a support cane, however.

It’s appeals most to the elderly who not only make up a huge percentage of the blind community, but might also benefit most from having both a support cane and an identifier for their blindness, in case they need assistance.

[Image Description: identification cane with curved handle. All white with red tip. End Image Description]

A note: From what I’ve heard in the blind community, some people prefer solid/non-folding canes over folding or telescopic canes. The reason for this is that solid canes transfer vibration better than folding or telescopic canes. It’s said that the more sections a cane has, the less precise the vibrations are.

Some cane users train themselves to understand the vibrations of the surfaces their canes are touching. It tells them what kind of surface they’re on (wood vs. marble vs. concrete), if there are nearby objects to their cane. While I rely somewhat on cane vibrations to tell me what surface I’m walking on (more on that later), it is beyond my current O&M abilities to use cane vibrations to sense nearby walls or objects.

Cane vibrations are just an additional information-sense to add to the others in use, and extra bit of data input.

Parts of the Cane: Materials, Handle, Tips, Sections, Elastic Band

Material

The three most common types of materials used to make canes are aluminum, carbon-fiber, and fiberglass. Each material has some drawbacks and benefits.

The ideal cane is lightweight and durable. It should be strong enough to withstand hitting something solid without bending or splintering.

Aluminum is strong and durable, but heavy. If it’s damage, it’s more likely to bend than break entirely. A bend can be straightened out, but it takes considerable strength.

Carbon-fiber is lightweight and durable. It’s stronger than fiberglass, and it can bend out of shape rather than splintering.

Fiberglass is lightweight but a bit rigid. If it breaks, it splinters.

Handles and Elastic Bands

While some canes can have specialized grips (plastic, wood, corkboard) the most common handle material is a black rubber handle that is about ten inches long, give or take. In the previous photos you’ve seen, the canes have had black rubber handles.

Here is an example of a cane with a wood-mesh material used as the handle.

[Image Description: a four section white cane with a red tip and a orange wood mesh handle, with black elastic band attached. End Image Description]

The benefits of black rubber handles over others are that it’s easier to hold onto, especially if your palms are wet or sweaty, than a plastic or polished wood handle. It also wouldn’t show the indents or scratches from wear and tear daily use. I’m guessing that is cheaper to make on the manufacturing standpoint, and thus is conveniently the standard.

Pay attention to the black elastic band attached to the handle in the above photo. Notice how it has a tied off loop? That is so that when the cane is folded, that loop can be stretched over the folded sections to hold it together.

[Image Description: a four section folding cane folded up with the black band around them. End Image Description]

Additional benefits or functions of the elastic could be to use it as a wrist strap while using the cane, or hanging it up on a hook while not in use. I tend to have my cane folded up and tuck my wrist under the strap to hold it more securely while carrying it. Images of that ahead in my cane-isms section.

Cane Height

Ideal cane heights depend on the user. For most users, you want your cane height to be to your shoulder, give or take a few inches. You might need a longer cane if you are a fast walker with long strides, or a shorter cane if you prefer to hold your cane at a lower angle than is traditional.

What I mean when I talk about holding your cane at a certain angle is that the standard is to hold your cane handle in your dominant hand and position it in front of your belly button, moving it side to side with each step. Traditional grip methods are holding your hand palm side up with your cane in hand, or to hold the cane at the section joint closest to the handle with what is called the pencil grip, holding the cane like a fat pencil.

Depending on the height, a cane can have anywhere between three and six sections. Longer canes have more sections. The top section includes the handle, and the last section includes the stripe color (traditionally red, unless customized) and the tip.

The sections of the cane are generally slightly reflective, regardless of color. If you hold a cane up to the light you’ll see tiny specks of light reflected back, almost like very fine, tiny particle glitter paint. This detail is important in cane production because it makes the cane more visible at night, especially if something like car headlights reflect off it while someone is crossing.

Additional visibility at night can be added by wrapping stripes of reflective tape along the shaft.

Cane Tips

There are several different tip options for canes.

[Image Description: four different types of cane tips on a blue background with labels. From left to right: marshmallow tip, ball tip, pencil tip, glide tip.]

[Image Description: a rolling marshmallow tip with a blue background. End Image Description]

[Image Description: Bandu basher tip with a white background. For anyone not familiar with the name, the long, curved cane tip that looks like a hockey stick. End Image Description]

Some of these tips are better for the tap-tap method of cane travel, as in tapping the spots where you plan to step. They can also be used to feel out the shapes of objects, stairs, etc.

marshmallow tip, pencil tip,

They should not be scraped over surfaces, the tips will wear down much faster than they should. There are better tips for rolling over surface

Some tips are better for the rolling method of cane travel, which is the method I use. They aren’t great for tapping, but it can be done in a pinch.

rolling marshmallow tip, ball tip, glide tip

The Bandu Basher tip, the hockey stick shaped tip, is best for hovering an inch off the ground and lightly tapping objects. It could be tapped. It should not be scraped over the ground like a rolling tip. It hovers.

After enough use, the tips will wear down and need to be replaced. The part of the tip that has the most contact with the ground, usually the edge of the shape, gets scrapes, sands down, and eventually begins to look like it was shaved off while still having bits of plastic still gripped to it.

Never fear, cane tips can be removed and replaced when they wear out, replacing the whole cane is not necessary.

Some tips slip on or twist on. Others hook on. By hook on I mean that the elastic that keeps the cane sections together also has a loop at the tip end that a hook onto and stay held into place. Look back at the photo of the rolling marshmallow tip and you will see the hook that attaches to the black elastic.

Cane tips sell for about 5 - 10 U.S. dollars, plus shipping, so it’s advised to buy several back up tips with your cane. I replace my rolling marshmallow tips once every six to twelve months. I don’t know if that’s considered too much or too often. The last time I needed to replace mine was June 2019 (It’s July 2020 at the date of writing this, but I’ve hardly left my home for the last six months because of COVID-virus related quarantine/social distancing.)

Sensory Details/Describing What Using a Cane Feels Like

Every surface type feels and sounds different when tapping or rolling a cane over it. It’s this difference that tells us a lot about our environment.

It tells us when we stepped off the side walk onto the grass, when we’ve walked inside because the concrete changes to wood or carpet flooring. These little details become trail markers too, useful for places we anticipate traveling to a lot.

Example: A week before every semester in college, I would travel to each of the classrooms and learn necessary routes. I learned that certain paths had giant cracks in the sidewalk that would be distinct enough to use as a trail marker to where I was on a path, or that certain paths went from cement to gravel, or cement to brick.

Carpet: The sound is very soft, and if you’re rolling your cane across carpet it sounds like a quiet swish-swish-swish. Tapping sounds depend on how thick the carpet padding underneath is, the thicker the carpet the softer the sound. If there’s a lot of padding then taps don’t make much sound, but if the padding is thin or underneath the carpet is tile or concrete then you hear a louder thudding tap. It’s still pretty quiet. If you’re rolling the cane you would feel a little bit of drag, the cane moves slower over the carpet. The thicker or shaggier the carpet is, the more drag it has.

Wood floor: Cane tips make rumbling sounds when rolling over wood floors. The smoother the wood, the less it rumbles. There’s a little vibration moving from the cane tip, through the cane and into your hand as you roll over wood planks. Very small. The more sensitive you are to vibrations, the more you feel it. Tapping makes hallow, thudding sounds on the wood. Sometimes they sound a little snappish if you’re tapping harshly. You feel stronger vibrations when tapping. Older wood feels softer, with more give. New wood is stronger, more vibrations in the cane.

Tile:It depends on the size of the tiles and the wideness of the grout lines, but it’s not a pleasant feeling. Tiles have grout lines, which are little divets between the tiles. The smaller the tiles or rougher the grout lines are, the more the cane vibrates in your hands. Every bump is felt running from the cane to your hand. The sound is a little grating too. Imagine fifty sets of stiletto shoes walking on tile, that’s what it sounds like when you roll your cane over rough, small tiles. Larger tiles with smoother grout lines aren’t so bad. Tapping the tile with your cane sounds like one really loud step of a stiletto heal, one step for each tap. Tile floors are usually found in bathrooms, kitchens, and industrial locations where the room is going to have harder walls (more tile, concrete, etc) and few furniture, so the room echoes more.

Linoleum: is a smooth even surface. It feels like your cane is gliding when you roll it, barely feeling any vibrations. The rolling sounds are very soft because of the lack of bumps, however tapping sounds are a bit louder. Not as snappish as tile or marble, but almost.

Marble: is similar to linoleum in its smoothness. Your cane glides when rolling. Tapping sounds are sharp. Because marble floors are common in high end malls, luxury homes, and fancy office building entries, places that usually have high ceilings and hard walls with minimal decorations and minimalist furnishing, those sharp tapping sounds may echo. Assuming there isn’t too much noise and the environment is relatively quiet.

Concrete: (I’m referring to concrete found in parking garages and industrial buildings, not sidewalk) It depends on the age of the concrete and how it’s maintained. Old concrete with lots of cracks and mini-craters feels very different from smooth concrete that was set less than a year ago. With old concrete there’s a rattling sound as your cane tip rolls over the bumps and those vibrations travel up your cane. New concrete can feel similar to marble or linoleum. The taps are loud thuds on dull concrete and sharper on new concrete.

Sidewalks: are made of concrete, but in my experience they feel a little different than the above example. Sidewalks have a grittier surface, they’re slightly rougher, more dry. There’s a bit more rolling cane vibration with sidewalks and the taps have more of a thud sound. And because they’re outside, you’re unlikely to hear any echoes unless you’re walking in an alley or between buildings.

Asphalt: is one of the worst surfaces in my personal opinion. Asphalt is the material used in roads and it’s made to be rough and gritty so that car tires can grip onto it and not lose traction while driving. The older and more damaged it is, the rougher it is. Because it’s rough the vibrations are much stronger, sometimes irritatingly so. I can’t roll my cane over asphalt because the bones in my hand can’t handle those kinds of vibrations, so I almost always use the tapping method instead. The sounds are gritty and dull. Unfortunately, asphalt is an unavoidable surface, unless you can find a way to never need to cross a street or walk through a parking lot.

Note: the white or yellow lines that have been painted into asphalt sometimes feel smoother because of the material they’re made of and because they’re added after the asphalt has been laid down.

Note: There’s something called tarmac which is similar to asphalt, used for a similar purpose, and more common in the U.K. (I believe) but I can’t say that I’ve ever knowingly walked on it so I have no personal experience to give you.

Gravel: Another one of those evil surfaces. Gravel is just loose rocks and they’re common in rural roads, driveways, some landscaping. The looseness of them is what makes them untrustworthy. It makes a crunching sound. If you roll your cane, you’re likely to end up tossing small bits of rock and dust here and there. If you tap, you’ll hear the crunch but your brain might not translate that into “it’s gravel” until you’re walking on it and only realize when you walk over it and the sharp rocks begin digging into your shoes.

Wood Chips: I don’t have any experience with this since vision loss and getting a cane, so I’m using my memories of being on the playground in grade school because the surface on the playground was wood chips. I’d say wood ships are a love child between gravel and wood floors. The surface is loose and rolling your cane over it would kick up loose chips and dust. It would probably sound similar to walking on sand I think, because wood chips are much softer than gravel but not as consistent as wood. If it’s rained recently, then the waterlogged wood chips sound even softer.

Hard Dirt: I’m thinking dirt roads here, which are a lesser evil to asphalt and gravel. They can be rough like all roads, but the material isn’t has hard and solid. Rolling your cane will kick up dust on a dry day, but if it rained a few days ago you might hear a soft crunch as you roll over wet dirt. Tapping will have a very soft thud.

Soft Dirt: Think gardening dirt. Because it’s so soft, it makes very little sound and is easily kicked up. There’s a bit of drag, about the same or slightly more drag than grass or sand. Tapping has almost no sound but you might feel a slight give as your tip lands in the dirt, a slight resistance as it sinks in.

Mud: Yuck. I’m imagining this getting in my cane tip and how gross it would be after. Sound and feeling depend on how wet the mud is. Wet mud sounds slurpy. There’s more squish if you roll or tap your cane. Your character might not identify it right away until their shoes begin slipping as they walk over the mud. This is a personal experience. Drier mud sounds soft and feels almost solid underneath your cane. Wetter mud has more drag for a rolling cane. Muddy areas are also generally uneven because top soil has been displaced, so muddy hills and fields have unexpected but usually subtle changes in elevation.

Puddles: have both a slurpy and splash-splash sound. The slurpy sound is more common with rolling cane techniques. The splash sound is more common with tapping. The deeper the puddle, the louder is sounds and the more drag you experience. I am not fond of this texture/experience.

Snow: I have zero experience with snow since the development of blindness. So no experience of what it’s like to walk through with a cane. This is something I hope a blind reader can inform me on so I can edit this at a later date. My best guess is that it has a soft crunch, softer than the crunch of shoes in snow. A lot of drag too. Rolling through snow would probably be near impossible, especially if it’s deep snow or hard packed. Again, my best guess. The last time I experienced snow was when I was twelve.

Grass: One of my least favorites personally. Too much drag. Worse than shag carpeting. It’s very soft and doesn’t make much sound either. Like a crisp crunch you can barely hear. If the grass is wet or frosty you hear it a bit more crunch.

Surface with fallen Autumn leaves: Leaves everywhere! This is a bit dependant on whatever surface the leaves are on. It would soften the sound of cement, but there would be a louder crunch on grass. If the leaves are big and very curvy/pocketed then they’re easy to push aside. Smaller, flatter leaves don’t push as easily. The driest ones will crunch under your cane. It’s fun sometimes, if you’re the kind of person who likes stepping on leaves on purpose, but if you can’t see the leaves it might lose some of its fun and be more unexpected.

Sand: I’ve never personally taken my cane to the beach, despite living so close to the coast. The reason is because beach sand is so squishy and loose that it’s already impossible to stay steady on your feet. The sand is always sinking under your feet, unless you’re next to the water line and the dampness has made it firmer. So a cane isn’t very useful to me at the beach. Not to mention that sand isn’t something you want inside your cane joints if you want the cane to last. Sand will erode and damage the joints, regardless of if they’re metal or plastic. If I were to take my cane to the beach, it would make the softest crunching-swishy noise of sand sliding over sand, similar to what your footsteps sound like on sand, but possibly even quieter because canes are lighter.

Side Note: My mother sarcastically asked about rolling your cane through dog poop or gum left on the floor. Can’t say I’ve ever rolled through it, so couldn’t tell you. Use your imagination I guess, Mum

The Invention of Tactile Paving

These are amazing! Tactile Paving are those yellow (or sometimes grey) bumpy squares you see on ramps leading into parking lots or when crossing the street. In 1965, Japanese engineer Seiichi Miyake used his own money to develop a tactile brick that you could feel even when walking over it with shoes, and he designed this because a friend of his was losing their vision and he wanted to help. These are amazing, and accessible to everyone, even the blind who don’t have a cane or guide dog. These are literal life savers. Before I got my cane, if I felt those bumps under my shoes I knew to immediately stop because I was about to walk into the road. Because less than 10% of the blind community uses canes or guide dogs, this is the most accessible form of blind aide available.

[Image Description: a yellow rectangle of tactile paving in front of a ramp leading into a parking lot. End Image Description]

Note: similar detail, most doors in commercial buildings (in my localized experience) have a metal plate on the threshold to hold the door in place so there are no cracks underneath. The metal scraping sound when you roll or tap your cane on it is distinct but temporary and non-repeating, so it’s a good indication that you’ve reached and passed the threshold.

Blind-isms

I have a section in this guide about blind-isms, but these ones are focused specifically on cane use.

-Do. Not. Touch. My. Cane. Don’t. Just fucking don’t.

-The above ism comes from the fact that our cane is our safety net, an extension of our body, our eyes, the one thing that makes sure we’ll get somewhere safely. For that reason, blind people hate having their canes (or their on duty guide dogs) touched by strangers, acquaintances, friends we’re not very close to, some family members.

Important Note: That is a universal thing for disabled people. Don’t. Touch. Their. Mobility Aides. It’s assault. Touching someone’s wheelchair or pushing them around without their expressed permission is assault. Moving their wheelchair while the user is currently standing is assault. (Most wheelchair users are not paralyzed, but they still need the wheelchair because of their medical condition, which is not your business to know). It doesn’t matter if the wheelchair is in the way, the disabled person needs it right there, do not touch it. Touching or grabbing someone’s support cane or their long cane is assault. Touching or moving someone’s walker is assault. Touching, poking at, or tampering with someone’s hearing aids is assault. Touching their oxygen tank or cannula is assault.

Back on topic-

-Idle motions with your cane while waiting in line. I often rest my chin on my cane or lean on it

-twirl my cane like a staff when I’m alone and no one can see. I would not ever do this in front of anyone because I don’t want anyone thinking it’s a toy or they can just touch or grab it. I’m just a little childish and bored sometimes and idle motions are a common thing for people with ADHD.

-When carrying my folded cane inside (like say a store) I hang it from my wrist by the strap.

-Keeping my cane within arms reach at all times, even in situations where I don’t need it currently. Example: if we’re doing a classroom assignment where I need to leave my desk, I know the classroom well enough to not use my cane, but I won’t leave it at my desk, ever. (This does not apply at home. And in the homes of a very few, very trusted friends I will leave it somewhere I deem safe.)

-Having a set, specific place in my home (living with my immediate family, who almost never have guests) for my cane. In my case, it’s the top of an antique dresser in the living room, across from the door. It has a little bowl for my sunglasses as well. If I move out and have roommates, my cane will be in my room.

-Love me a bag or backpack that has enough space to discretely store your cane, but most of my bags cannot do that.

-People with folding canes develop a muscle memory for folding and unfolding their cane, so they can do it without really thinking about it.

-Unfolding my cane: I hold the black handle between my thumb and palm with my other fingers folded over the remaining three sections, cane tip pointing up. I slide the elastic over the tip, loosen my four fingers and roll my wrist to the side. The red colored section unfolds first and snaps into place with its neighboring section. I roll my wrist in the opposite direction so the next white section can unfold and snap into place with it’s neighboring section. Roll it back in the first direction and the third section snaps into place with the handle. My four section cane is now unfolded and straight.

-Sometimes I just grab the black handle and let the sections fall and unfold as they will, but this is less controlled and risks your cane bumping into something or someone.

-Folding my cane: I start with the black handle, lifting it up so the joints unlock. I fold it down, grab both sections in my hand and lift the second section away from the third and fold it over. Wrap my hand over all three sections and unlock it from the red section.

-Because I have a four section folding cane, the cane tip and the handle are on the same side while the metal joints are on the opposite side. Those metal joints are what my elastic slips over.

-A three or five folding cane will have the head of the handle (and its elastic) on the opposite side of the cane tip, and you will be folding the elastic over the cane joints and tip.

-A six section cane has the tip and handle facing the same direction like the four section cane.

-People with non-folding canes like leaning their canes up against walls and other objects when not in use. Corners are popular, the corner of a desk up against a wall too.

-But oh god the frustration when the cane randomly rolls out of place and hits the floor, it’s a combination of “Not again” and “did that really just happen” and “you had one job. one job.”

-Sitting with our cane tucked between our legs. Picture a bit of man spreading, the cane tip leaned against the side of our foot to keep it stable and the cane leaning against our shoulder or opposite knee, possibly also held securely with our fingers too.

-The no-manspreading alternative of that is with the cane leaning against our shoulder, cane tip resting on the toe of our shoe or the outside of it, held securely with our fingers or our arm wrapped around it, elbow hooking it.

(Okay, a while back I was looking for photos of someone using a cane to use as a reference for drawing Ulric. I only found three, and two of them were Daredevil promo photos. Which, no offense to Charlie Cox, but he is not blind and he does not use a cane in his daily life, he does not have that relationship a blind person has with a cane and the concept of a fifth limb, and it shows. So the photos were stiff and unusable, so I had to like use several photo references of different poses and Frankenstein them together to get what I wanted.

And I still haven’t finished the painting... fuck)

-In a car with a non-folding cane:

-Right passenger seat- The cane tip goes all the way into the corner of the foot well to the right of my feet, with the handle resting over my right shoulder or on the seatbelt. It pokes a bit past my headrest. The longer the cane, the harder it is to tuck into a car.

-The U.K. / Austrailian / New Zealand / Japan version of this (because they drive on the left side of the road with their drivers seats on the right side of the car) it’s like this: Cane tip in the foot well to the left of my feet, handle on my left shoulder or on the seatbelt.

Backseat: the absolute worst. There’s less foot well room, and if you’re in a sedan there is almost no room behind your shoulder for the handle. I position my cane diagonally with the handle on the shoulder closest to the door and the tip next to the foot closest to the middle.

-For this reason, no one with a non-folding cane will want to be sitting in the backseat.

About Guide Dogs

While my knowledge of guide dogs is limited only to what I can research and not personal, I will give you some basic facts and practical knowledge from said research.

Guiding Eyes for the Blind estimates that there are 10,000 guide dog teams out there in the world. That makes up 2% of the blind and visually impaired community.

Guide Dog Training

Becoming a guide dog is the most difficult form of dog training there is. The majority of dogs who enter guide dog training wash out and either become family dogs or go into a different type of service dog training, like medical response or PTSD/anxiety response, or possibly become therapy dogs, which is a career altogether different from being a service dog.

Guide dogs go through two or three years of training, which includes puppy training, basic socialization, proper behavior when on duty and actual guide training. Most service dogs only go through a year to a year and a half of training before they are partnered with a disabled handler.

Between the cost of training, the cost of housing and feeding the dog and the cost of vet bills from birth until being partnered with a blind handler, the overall cost of a guide dog is something like 30k to 40k. While most service dog training organizations require handlers to fundraise and pay for the cost of training (usually something like 15-30k), guide dog organizations give their dogs to qualified blind clients for free. These organizations pay for the dog costs through their own fundraising and charities. Fortunately for these organizations, guide dogs are a highly respected field and have a lot more charity directed their way, while other service dog types have less public interest when it comes to charity.

Guide Dog organizations have an application process, requirements, and a wait-list before you can be partnered with a guide dog.

Requirements to get a guide dog are (usually) as follows:

Must be legally blind (as in not visually impaired, but legally blind) and have had at least six months of O&M with a cane and demonstrate enough O&M stills to navigate by oneself. They also require you to be responsible enough to independently care for a dog, able to keep up with training and retraining of the dog, as well as financially able to handle food and vet bills (which are at least a few thousand dollars every year).

The reason for cane training before getting a guide dog is because the dog cannot do everything for you. You, the dog handler, are responsible for knowing where you are and how to get where you need to be.

The dog can’t read stop signs or tell when a light is green or red, nor do they have GPS to find a brand new location nor can they learn that route on the first try, nor will they know exactly where you want to go when you say “Starbucks” or “library” or “school” or “mom’s house” and guide you all by themselves. That falls on you, the dog handler, having enough orientation and mobility skills to know when a street is safe to cross and knowing how to learn new routes and how to keep on route and make sure you make the correct turns. A guide dog can’t communicate with bus drivers for you either, they don’t know which number bus to use or what stop to choose. That falls on the blind person’s own skill.

Other Guide Dog Resources

Molly Burke is a guide dog user and has made several videos about what kind of work guide dogs do, her personal experience being a guide dog user for over ten years, how she got a guide dog, specific commands, unique experiences with things like travel, etc. She has a playlist all about guide dogs, but here are some of my favorite videos.

How Guide Dogs Guide A Blind Person

Guide Dog User Answers the Most Googled Questions about Guide Dogs

How I Met My First Guide Dog

Final Thoughts:

There is a lot more to be said about Orientation and Mobility, such as:

How do you safely cross the street with a cane?

How do you learn new routes?

How does getting a cane significantly change your life?

How do family, friends, and strangers react to you “suddenly” having a cane?

I could also write a ton on other tools the blind community relies on so strongly, such as screen readers, magnifiers, etc. In fact, I originally promised to include those in my master post when Part Four was titled Part Four: What Your Blind Character Needs to Survive and Not Die. However, this guide is ages long and it feels better to focus on this specific topic for here.

Did you like this guide?

Consider checking out my other guides, links of which can be found on the master post here.

Follow my blog, I write and curate writing advice guides outside of blindness, I reblog writing memes with image descriptions, reblog soothing aesthetic photos with image descriptions, talk about disability, lgbtqa+ issues, ableism, and mental health.

If you want to further support me, this is the link to my ko-fi (however there is no such requirement nor pressure to do so, and please don’t worry about it, especially if you are in a financial situation that can’t afford it)

#writing advice #writeblr #writing community #writing tips #blind character #character crafting

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caspia-writes · 3 years

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Summer of Whump #3 — Drowning

Summary: A college student is accused of having been involved in a pro-democratic riot. After he holds out for several days, the men interrogating him grow impatient and decide to use some "coercive measures" to move things along.

Content warnings: Torture, foul language

“It’s a shame that we’re even having this conversation,” the officer said, his footsteps echoing as he walked circles around the cold, hard board where Karl lay naked and shivering. “You were such a promising young man until all this. Excellent grades in your university classes, almost impeccable attendance to the party rallies, you even had a nice girlfriend. The very last person any of us would have expected to do something like this.

“So what did they tell you? What could anyone have said to turn a respectable, loyal citizen such as yourself into a traitor?”

It had been a lot of things, Karl thought. Things like not stripping and interrogating him for days, not starving him, not pounding into his head every waking moment that his only value was as a number on a party roster, not treating him as an expendable piece of machinery. All that had certainly helped their case more than the officer was helping his.

But none of that had mattered much even last week, before he’d been arrested. What had convinced him to join that damn club at all had been the idea that maybe, one day, someone like him would be able to make a decision. A real decision! Not only little things like what to eat for breakfast or which government newspaper to read, but whether government newspapers should exist at all, or who should be in charge of them. Something that could change the course of the whole country.

Which was nothing that someone in the Staatspolizei could appreciate.

“No one told me anything.” As best as he could, Karl tried to glare at the officer questioning him. “I already told you, I didn’t do anything!”

“You’re still lying.” The officer sighed and threw his pen down. “Do you not understand that I’m trying to help you here? That you and your associates were trying to destroy Großsachsen is not the question. The question is why you, or they, would ever do this. If your reason is sufficiently sympathetic, perhaps we don’t have to kill you.”

“You don’t have to kill me,” Karl growled, “because I didn’t do anything!”

That answer wasn’t what the interrogator wanted. He sighed and put a gloved hand on Karl’s shoulder. “I didn’t want to have to do this to you, Herr Adler. It was much nicer to believe that you were simply confused. Confused is easy enough to straighten out. But in the case of such blatant disloyalty and treachery....”

Karl quickly realized there was more than one other person in the room. The first officer kept his hand on Karl’s shoulder, but the board began to move, and move more than he thought was possible without someone else shaking it around. Not enough to make him sick either, but enough that he gasped and tried to grab at the leather holding him down.

There was another sound, too. The sound of something metal being set down not too far away from his head, and of water sloshing around.

He smirked towards the light. That was what they were threatening him with? The Staatspolizei, the horror of Großsachsen, were trying to scare him with a bucket of water? What were they going to do with that, dump it on him? That would be almost as good as a shower, and Karl wouldn’t mind that too much. Not even if they left him to shiver and dry slowly. Weren’t the Staatspolizei supposed to know how to actually torture people?

But then the board inverted, and Karl stopped smirking.

Every muscle in his body went rigid as he began to drown. He looked up through the water at the light, dark shadows looming over him as he strained to lift his head. It had never occurred to him that the bucket could be big enough for the board to fit into, or that he would be left upside down in it. Much less long enough for his heart to begin pounding against his ribs and his vision to begin to fade.

No sooner had Karl come to accept that the figures above him were a kaleidoscope of death did the board rotate again. The air against his face was sweet, sweeter than anything else he’d ever felt. To say nothing of the feeling of getting another breath in! For the first time in his life, Karl couldn’t be happier to have the dank scent of mold and stale sweat flooding his nostrils.

It was also the first time that thinking of a pail of water made Karl want to vomit.

“Now that I have your attention, let’s try this again.” The officer’s voice grinned. Sick bastard. “We’ll begin with a simple question first: what is your mother’s name?”

“What?” Karl blinked, as though he would somehow be able to see through the lights still shining in his eyes. That question—his mother’s name—that couldn’t have been right, could it? His mother was innocent. The Staatspolizei were rough, yes, but wouldn’t ask him to incriminate her... would they? “T-the question—what was the question?”

“You mother’s name, Herr Adler. What is it?”

So that really had been the question. He couldn’t believe his ears, but he’d heard it twice. The Staatspolizei really expected him to incriminate his own mother.

“No!” It took everything he had left, but Karl managed to scream in defiance. “You can’t—she didn’t do anything!”

Once more, the world tilted around him. His throat spasmed and his stomach lurched in protest. Karl was barely cognizant of his limbs straining against the leather as the water bubbled around his chin. Only his chin—some of it must’ve splashed out.

Out.

He had to get out.

He was dying. He could feel it. He going to die if he didn’t get out of the water. But the leather wouldn’t break. He couldn’t get out.

As fast as he’d gone underwater, he was upright. Out. Free. The air wasn’t coming smoothly, but he could gasp and sputter and cough.

Water poured out of his mouth and splashed on the floor. Karl hoped some of it splattered whoever kept drowning him. Right in their face, too.

Yet no matter how much came out, his sinuses still felt waterlogged, his throat still burned, and he thought he felt some of the water creeping into his bronchi.

A faucet squeaked open and the sound of water splashing into a metal bucket filled Karl’s ears. This wasn’t over. It was going to happen again. He was still coughing and gagging from last time, and already they were getting ready to put him underwater again.

His coughs dissolved into sobs. He was going to drown. The Staatspolizei were going to drown him here. They were going to drown him and his mom too. His mom, and who else?

It didn’t matter now. The board was beginning to sway. In another context, it might’ve been comforting. Almost motherly. But here it meant that his time to breathe was almost up.

“If you want this to stop, Herr Adler, all you have to do is tell us your mother’s name.”

With that, the board inverted again. Another splash, cold water against his shoulders. The water boiled as Karl screamed into it and thrashed against the restraints.

It was only the bubbles that heard him cry out Charlotte.

#writing #writeblr #summerofwhump #summerofwhump3 #drowning #tw torture #tw cursing #tw swearing

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officialyourdailyinspiration · 3 years

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Devotional Hours Within the Bible

by J.R. Miller

The Wise Men Led by the Star (Matthew 2)

Matthew does not tell us much of the infancy of Jesus. There is something very beautiful, however, in the little we have in this first Gospel. It gives us a glimpse of the way the world, outside of His own country, received Him. There was no room for Him in the inn, and He was born in a stable; but Matthew shows the Far East waiting for Him and honoring Him. A little later, too, it shows Egypt sheltering Him. Jerusalem was the place where naturally the Messiah should have been first and most highly honored - but Jerusalem heard of the great event of His coming, from the Eastern Magi.

The coming of the wise men to the cradle of Jesus is an intensely interesting incident. The time was probably soon after the presentation in the temple. Paintings often wrongly represent the wise men and the shepherds together in the cave-stable, adoring the Christ-child. As the flight into Egypt came immediately after the visit of the wise men, and the Holy Child probably kept for many months away from the country, it is evident that their appearance was not at the beginning of the life of Jesus, and that they could not have been present with the shepherds.

Who the wise men were - we do not know with certainty. The historian speaks of the Magi as a priestly caste of the Medes. They were known as interpreters of dreams. They were also reputed to be observers of the heavens, students of the secret things of nature. Whatever the place of these Magi or wise men was, they were highly honored of God in this reception of Jesus Christ.

The birth of Jesus took place at Bethlehem. This was the most wonderful event of human history - the coming of the Son of God in human flesh into the world. Love was born that night. True, there was love in the world before. Mothers loved their children. Friend loved friend. Natural affection was common. But the love which we know as Christian love had its beginning in the birth of Jesus Christ. It is well for us to note, however, that the historical fact of Christ's birth, is not that which saves us. He must be born again in us. The wise men came many hundreds of miles to find the newborn King. The journey was long, difficult, perilous, and very costly. If these men endured so much toil and danger in seeking Jesus - we should count no obstacle too great to overcome in our quest of Him. We should be ready to go thousands of miles, if need be, in seeking for Him. No search for Christ, however costly, will be without avail. He is the pearl of great price (see Matthew 13:46), and we shall be well paid for our search, though it costs us the sacrifice of all other things, and though we even have to lay down our life to find Him.

Surprisingly, this greatest event of history - made little stir in the world. A few humble shepherds came to look with wonder on the newborn Babe that lay in the young mother's arms - but that was all. The Jews had been looking for their Messiah - but did not recognize Him when He came. Their books foretold His coming; but when He came it was not known by His people that He had appeared. His advent was quiet. There was no blare of trumpets. Noise and show are not necessary accompaniments of true power. The mightiest energies in this world - are often the quietest. The grace of God always comes without observation. Angels minister noiselessly. The most useful Christians are not those who make the most ado at their work - but those who in humility and simplicity, unconscious of any splendor shining in their faces, go daily about their work for their Master.

For another thing, we do not always know when Christ actually comes to us. He had been born many months, had been welcomed by angels, had been presented in the temple and received with joy there; but Jerusalem had not known that He was there. He was in the world, and the world was made by Him - but the world knew Him not. We speak severely of the treatment accorded to Him by His own people, who were so indifferent to the coming of their Messiah. Yet, why should we complain so of the Jews? Our King is in our midst these very days - do we recognize Him?

We cannot understand just how the wise men were led to Palestine. They said they saw a star in the east, the star of the newborn King, and were led by it. There had been a great deal of speculation as to the nature of the star, whether it was a natural or supernatural appearance. But it does not matter; whatever it was - it led these men unmistakably to the feet of the Christ. Even the faintest glimmerings of spiritual light should be welcomed by us and their guidance accepted. We should not wait to know all about Christ, and to see Him in all His glory - before we set out to seek Him. We should follow the first faint gleams, and then, as we go on - the light will become brighter and we shall see more and more of Him, see Him more and more clearly, until at length we behold Him in all His blessed beauty, face to face. Certainly there is no one in Christian lands in these days that does not have a great deal more light to guide him to the Christ, than these wise men had.

The Herods have an unenviable record in New Testament history. Their hands are stained with crime. When this Herod, Herod the Great, heard the inquiries of the wise men, he was much troubled. He thought that he himself was king of the Jews, and it terrified him to hear of another King of the Jews, whom these strangers from the East had come so far to see. Hearing of Christ does not always bring joy. It brought gladness to the humble shepherds and to the wise men - but to Herod it brought great distress. His name makes bad men think of their sins - and then of the judgment. It is only when we love Christ and want to have Him for our friend - that the thought of Him is sweet and pleasant. "Unto you therefore who believe - He is precious!" Those whose faith is fixed upon Him are never terrified by thoughts of Him. There is nothing to fear - but everything to give joy and confidence to those whose trust is in Him.

Herod, himself unable to answer the question of the wise men, turned to the scribes. The wise men wanted to know where they could find the King who had been born in Judea. "We have seen His star," they said. Whatever it was that led them, we know that there was no illusion, and they were not deceived. They had been led, and they had come to the right place.

Herod could not answer their question - but he could easily learn what the Jewish books said about where the Christ would be born, so he called the priests and scribes and asked them where their Messiah should be born. It did not take them long to give the answer. They knew their Bible well. They could even give chapter and verse, and could tell the name of the town in which the Messiah was to be born. These facts were all down in their books.

Yet we do not see that they had made any use of their knowledge. They could tell the wise men where the Christ was to be born - but they had not themselves taken one step toward Bethlehem to seek for Him, nor did they become eager to see their King, when they were so close to Him. We must be careful not to repeat the mistake of these ancient teachers. Most of us know our Bible fairly well, and can tell others glibly enough where and how to find the Christ. But have we gone to the place where He is, to search for Him and to worship Him?

The scene when the wise men found the Child-king, was very beautiful. They were very glad. They saw now the child-king they had journeyed so far to find. They did not doubt for a moment that this was the object of their quest. When they saw Him, they fell down and worshiped Him. They saw only a baby lying in a young mother's arms. There was no crown on His head. No glory gleamed from His face. His surroundings were most unkingly, without pomp or brilliance. The child did nothing before them to show His royalty - spoke no word, wrought no kingly act of power. Yet the wise men believed and worshiped Him. Think of how much more we know about the Christ, than they did. We see Him in all his glory of His life, death, resurrection, and ascension. We see Him sitting at the right hand of God as King of kings, wearing many crowns. It is easy for us to find kingly marks in Him. Shall we be behind the wise men in our adoration?

The wise men did more than adore - they opened their treasures and offered the gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh, which they had brought all the way from their own home. The sincerity of their worship was thus attested, by the costliness of their gifts. The treasures they had brought were of great value - the most costly things they could find, the best they had to give. It is not enough to sing praise to Christ and give Him an homage that costs nothing. He asks for our gifts the offerings of our love, our service, the consecration of our lives. We need to guard against the worship that is only mere sentiment. Love that will not give and sacrifice, is neither deep or true. Giving is the test of loving. The measure of our love is what we are willing to give and sacrifice. Some people sing missionary hymns with great zest, and when the collection plate is passed - they have nothing for it. The wise men not only gave gifts - but gifts that were rich and costly. Some people give - but with such a pitiful attitude that it must pain the Master to receive their offerings. These Magi gave with gladness.

There are many ways of laying our offerings at the feet of Jesus Christ. He Himself does not need our money - but His cause needs it. The extension of His Kingdom in this world, at home and abroad, requires money; and this must be brought by His followers. Those who have no interest in the saving of others, in the sending of the gospel to those who have it not - have not themselves really tasted the love of Christ. Then we may give to Christ also in ministering to His needy ones. The latter part of the twenty-fifth chapter of Matthew reveals to us this wonderful truth that those who serve the needy, the suffering, the troubled, in Christ's name - are serving Him.

#Devotional Hours Within the Bible #J.R. Miller #The Wise Men Led by the Star #Matthew 2 #May 27 #2021

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kissandmxkeup · 3 years

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Royal Guard!Johnny

here for the obligatory annual “yes i’m still around and yes i know where my computer keyboard is” post, may do more but probably not tbh. if you’re still here and reading, i love you and also highly question why you’re so dedicated. not that i mind, i truly appreciate it, but still.

also, this is female!reader because i had so much trouble writing this in a gender-neutral manner. if you want a gender-neutral/male!reader version, let me know and i’ll do my best!

Always cordial and polite, not just with you but anyone he comes across

So many of the guards tend to have this air of superiority, talking down to those that aren’t within their ranks or of a higher status, but Johnny has the same level of manners for the elderly shopkeeper in town as he does for you, the crown princess of the country

Not only that, he’s also extremely attentive to your needs, even the ones that he isn’t necessarily responsible for

He always has a bag with first-aid supplies, snacks, water, and even portable chargers and a Game-Boy somewhere within reach

And he’s always willing to have a conversation with you, listen to your concerns and worries and sorrows

You actually came to know Johnny when he was guarding your brother, a seven year old who was incredibly funny and also insanely gross

After your brother turned ten he was sent off to a private school with their own security teams, so Johnny was moved over to you

You loved being around him; his positivity and kindness could melt even the toughest of moods, something your mother had noticed when she was looking for his new assignment

You remember when she called Johnny to the throne room; he’d still been just barely an adult then, looking young and boyish in armor slightly too big for him He had bowed deeply to her, so much that the weight of the heavy metal chainmail nearly tipped him over, and she smiled back as she informed him that he was being removed from his position with your brother, that he would now be tasked with being in your guard. He had given her a nod and an “as you wish” that was almost too wavering with forced professionalism before turning to you with a nervous little grin, asking what you needed of him in a way that had melted your heart.

Over time, the two of you had grown into a rhythm; you would walk the gardens in the morning, him following like a shadow as you chatted with the gardeners and groundskeepers. After that you would tend to your schoolwork, and then the minor royal duties you were given after you’d finished your education, occasionally letting him distract you with stories of the younger guards’ antics as you tried to pass time until dinner, and then at the end of the day you would always sit and talk together about the country.

Even when you were young, you were always looking to improve the life of the commoners of the land, and given his background, Johnny was much more connected to them than you could ever be. He had influenced policies you’d drafted on education, social welfare programs, and even some of your first quality-of-life recommendations like repairing historical sites and landmarks in the smaller villages of the country, such as the town he had visited often as a child. You were beloved in your country, and had become lauded as the “princess of the people,” always pushing for your constituents to be represented and thought of at every turn, but you always made sure that Johnny knew that you couldn’t do any of it without him by your side.

However, those outside of your borders tended to see you as much less kind and gentle, but rather stubborn and almost bitchy. You wouldn’t let your country’s people be used or walked over, refusing to give in to the demands of others that saw you as small and weak and risk your citizens’ wellbeing in the process. You sat in meeting with lawmakers, voice steady as you refused to even consider letting your constituents have their taxes raised in the name of increasing their own salaries, clashed with conglomerates that wanted you to turn a blind eye to pollution and mistreatment of their workers, even going as far as pressuring officials into dissolving royal contracts with major companies that relied on unfair practices, and you had even notably walked out of a meeting with a royal from another family after they had insinuated that perhaps you had let your public persona blind you to what was truly good for your country (in this case, letting their country use your resources without regard to the needs of the the common folk of yours).

Some other players in larger, wealthier countries had even decided that you were too much of an inconvenience, made too much noise, and wanted to eliminate you from your country’s line of succession by any means necessary. Because of this you had come to be assigned more guards over time, generally keeping a rotating team that you had jokingly nicknamed the 127 Squad because they seemed to have an endless supply of members. Some members like Ten, or Lucas rotated in during special occasions like state visits, and you occasionally had a knight-in-training such as the quiet Renjun or the child-like Jeno in addition to the usual two or three full-time guards.

There were eight other consistent members that you had come to be familiar with, though; Haechan was loud and boisterous in a manner quite similar to your brother, while his best friend Mark was quiet, shy, and a little nervous with a sword despite all of his experience. Taeyong, Taeil, and Doyoung treated you like their child in different ways, and Jungwoo was dreamy and often in his own head (although you weren’t sure if maybe that was just a facade, since he was one of the first to act if you felt in danger). Your favorite story was how poor Jaehyun and Yuta had been banned from attending public events after they went unintentionally viral for their handsome looks during a press conference about a new retirement plan you had orchestrated.

Johnny was always the constant, though; he was at every event, every meeting, always directly to your right in a manner that had started more than one rumor about your professional relationship and how it was more than just professional after all. And as much as you would never admit it, you hated the rumors because of their semi-truth; sure, you weren’t in a relationship, but it’s not like you would be opposed to that at all.

He was just as kind and funny as ever, but more mature and elegant now; he would help you out of your car even if there was a chauffer that was supposed to fill that role, lift children on his shoulders during your usual visits to local schools and smile with pride as they giggled and screamed. He would even sit next to you and run his hand between your shoulder blades when you had panic attacks about whether you were really fit to lead the country, reassuring you that your people loved you for a reason; not to mention that he had become very attractive over time; the boyish smiles were now replaced with kind grins, his armor now fit him like a glove, and every time he sowed the protective nature that he had developed toward you, you would swoon a little on the inside.

But there were strict rules about romance between royals and staff, if anyone found out that you even had a crush on him he would be moved out of your team and possibly out of your family entirely, which you couldn’t stand the idea of. So you kept your mouth shut, never letting your inhibitions take over you when he called your name with a kindness that made your knees weak, or when he would step in front of you in a protective manner at a rare threat made directly to your face. You had done well with it too, up until you had gone on your first state visit to another country without your parents or any other major officials.

You had been sent out to visit a country run by a set of princes almost double your age, with nobody but five members of your guard (Taeyong, Doyoung, Mark, Jaehyun, Ten, and of course Johnny) alongside you. The men were all openly uncomfortable with your presence at times; sometimes this was shown by you being excluded from conversations about “grown-up matters that didn’t concern you,” as you had once overheard the crown prince Leeteuk commenting, to even pressuring you with questions and comments that were bizarre at best and outright offensive at worst. You had tried to brush it off, since the visit was less than a week and very important, but it was hard to do so when you felt like you were having the life sucked out of you.

It wasn’t until the last day when you had finally had enough; Leeteuk had sat across from you, flanked by all of his fellow princes, and pushed a document that looked way too official to be presented in such a way to your side of the table with an expectant glare.

“What is this?”

“It’s the resolution that we’ve all been working on this week, I expect you to sign it for us now.”

“I’m sorry, I won’t sign something unless I know its contents. If you give me some time to look over it, I’d be happy to come back with my concerns and a signature if I feel it’s mutually beneficial.”

“I’m sorry?”

One of the other princes, Shindong, looked down at you with a glance of something resembling anger, and you could almost hear Johnny and Taeyong tensing at your sides, preparing to step in should the princes show signs of being a threat to your well-being.

“I mean, you say that it’s the resolution we’ve been working on, but I’ve been constantly shuttered out of any meaningful conversation about this legislature since I arrived. I don’t know what’s been done in front of me, let alone without me present, and by signing it I could be agreeing to any number of measures I don’t agree with or understand. I will not sign this unless I am given an adequate chance to look over it and bring my own concerns forward as a representative of my country.”

“See, I don’t think you understand how this works. You are in our country, under our roof, and we fully expect you to comply with our expectations while here. So you will sign this document.”

“Or what?”

You straightened yourself out, glaring daggers at the youngest prince (Kyuhyun, you believe) that had been so demanding to you. You could feel Johnny resting a hand on your shoulder, reassuring but warning, as Taeyong stepped out to certainly inform the other guards of the situation and have them start collecting your things to go home.

“If you force me to sign it, I and my guards will both bring the manner forward publicly that it was signed under duress. Any measure that you believe you could take to force me, such as physical punishment or holding me hostage, is an act of war by your government against a foreign diplomat on your soil and will be treated as such. I will not be threatened, forced, or coerced into giving my consent in a matter I do not understand, and the idea that I would do such a thing is actively preposterous at best and offensive at worst. So if you don’t mind, I will be leaving your country at the earliest opportunity, since it’s clear that you have no intent of cooperating with me and I will not stay in a place where I feel unwelcome and endangered. If this is an issue, please feel free to take it up with my guards or any citizen of my country, who will happily inform you of my stance on public policy that would affect them.”

You stood to leave, and Siwon matched your movement, grabbing your wrist with such force that you audibly hissed.

“Little girl, this is no business for you to be fighting against. Sign the papers and then you can go whenever you please.”

“My princess has stated that she intends to leave,” you were surprised by Johnny, stepping forward, forcing Siwon’s hand off of you before carefully pushing you behind him with one arm to shelter you from the men in front of you, “and as far as I am concerned, she gets what she wants when it’s her well-being at risk. Please stand down and allow her to leave, since we mean no harm. I’m sure that if this legislature is as important as you state it to be that she would need to blindly sign onto it, the king and queen would happily do instead, so I implore you to speak to them about the matter.”

Johnny walked you out, a hand around your waist with a stern expression as he kept looking back to the room of bewildered and infuriated princes. It wasn’t until he had accompanied you back to your room, firmly shutting and locking the door behind him, that he let the cold demeanor slip away. He asked how you were, a nervous expression on his face at the situation you had found yourselves in.

“I just...I want to go home. I want to go home and rest, and be with my family and friends again. I don’t feel safe here.”

He nodded solemnly, fingers dancing across your wrist as he lifted it to the level of your chest, scowling at the already-deepening purples and yellows where you’d been held.

“I’m sorry, I should have stepped in sooner.”

“You did everything right. You tried to let me handle it, and protected me when I couldn’t do it anymore.”

You leaned into his touch, and he seemed almost surprised as you let yourself fall completely into his arms, barely catching you. He held you upright for a moment, only pulling back when he noticed that you had started to cry.

“Princess...”

“Please, call me by my name. We’re friends, you deserve that much.”

He did so, gently taking you back into his grasp and reassuring you with a gentle swaying as you awaited the word of Taeyong that you could leave.

“I’m sorry, I can’t keep doing this anymore.”

He pulled back, concern and worry apparent in his expression at your bizarre change in tone.

“Can’t do what?”

“I..look, I love you. Not as my guard, not as my friend, but in a way that’s so much more than that. And I’ve been so scared to tell you because I knew it could get you taken from me, but you deserve to know. You’ve been nothing but kind and wonderful and hell, you’re perfect, but I can’t keep standing here, falling in love a little more every time you so much as look at me without telling you about it.”

He looked confused for a moment, but surprised you with a large, almost goofy smile that reminded you of your younger days with him.

“Don’t act like that, like it’s the end of it. I know it’s not allowed, just as much as you do, but I love you too and I’ve wanted to tell you forever.”

You laughed, almost bitter with the threat of separation between you two.

“How is it not the end of it?”

“I...I’ve been talking with your mother about...us. About how I feel. She’s going to remove me from the guard altogether, and I was going to move into an advising role for you where I’d be able to ask you out. I was planning on telling you after we returned form the visit, since it was only finalized after we arrived, but then...”

It took a moment to register what he had said, but as soon as it had clicked you threw your arms around him with an almost childlike excitement.

“I’ll be here for you until you don’t want me anymore, okay? I promise. Me and you, just like it’s been since you were sixteen.”

The words were gentle, kind, and you couldn’t help but relax at the truthfulness he carried in his tone. You wanted to stay like this forever, but it was all too soon that there was a knock on the door as Taeyong informed you that your car was waiting out front and the princes had finally agreed to stand down and let you leave in peace. You took a moment to collect yourself before heading to the door, and Johnny gave your hand a reassuring squeeze before opening it.

“Would you like me to ride with you today, your highness?”

“Actually, if it’s okay, I’d rather have Johnny with me. I’ve been under a lot of stress during this trip, and I find him rather comforting to have around.”

He stifled a laugh behind his hand, and you couldn’t help but grin at the almost knowing glance Taeyong spared you. You walked past the princes in uncomfortable silence, only sparing a small bow before you stepped into your car, Johnny following and moving to sit next to you as the door closed.

“So, we’ve got six hours until we’re back in our kingdom, do you want to play Super Mario Land or something?”

You burst out laughing, head falling back against his shoulder as you gave him a small nod through the rhythm of your breathing. He smiled as he gave you the old lime Game Boy, shifting to move an arm around you so he could watch you play, and you couldn’t help but notice how this felt just like home.

#johnny seo imagine #johnny seo fluff #nct johnny fluff #nct johnny imagine #not to lowkey villainize suju but i needed a villain for this and google picked them so

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honeyhellsbells · 4 years

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First love - Jumin Han fluff

This isn’t anything requested, but I liked the Jumin first date headcanons quite a lot and decided to write a little something about it. I hope you guys like it :)

Jumin was head over heels, utterly in love. Admittedly, everything seemed a little rushed but it had not taken much to make him certain when it came to his feelings. He was a serious man that demanded respect whether or not he outright said it, from the way he dressed to his posture, everything screamed dominance. And there she was, his precious little sweetheart, who never hesitated to reprimand him if he was too harsh, guided him when he did not now how to cope with his emotions and also didn't hesitate to jump up on his back when they were in private to be carried around.

If commoner life was confusing to him, she was nothing short of an enigma. How she was so well versed in aspects of his life he never thought about and absolutely couldn't understand aspect that were clearly obvious to him, it never ceased to amaze him. She enjoyed some luxuries he was happy to provide, and some she vehemently rejected, things like jewelry she didn't deem necessary or spontaneous trips to another country which he was rather fond of.

But they always managed to find a compromise, still always trudging around the more expensive side of life. Tonight things were supposed to be different though. With his measurements and credit card in hand she had gone out shopping for the day with the goal to make him blend in with her world. With the colorful and sometimes dirty world that smelled of cotton candy, greasy food, bad movies, spilled drinks and freedom.

Having been contained to his secure, comfortable and suffocating bubble all of his life, he was practically bouncing on his heels, checking his clock minute after minute, counting down the seconds until she would finally return to him. Elizabeth the 3rd twitched awake on her pillow next to him and raised her head towards the noise as the elevator pinged and opened, revealing his beloved partner. She was carrying several bags, most of them plastic unlike the sturdy paper he was used to and beaming from ear to ear.

„I cannot wait to see you in the things I got for you. I'm sure you're gonna love it.“ Knowing her, he would either look incredible by the end of this little fashion show, or would just want to throw himself head first into the fireplace. She revealed clothing item after clothing item, having made sure to give him a variety of things to chose from, most of them in muted and dark colors, some of them outrageously colorful. „You just need to try them on so I can see if I need to take something back. And so I can make sure that we match when we go out tomorrow.“

Her thoughts often mesmerized him for the simplest reasons. Was it common for people to just buy things that might not fit only to bring them back if they don't? Did couples often match their outfits? He was shook out of his train of thought when she just straddled his lap where he was sitting, realizing that he wasn't paying attention to her anymore. His hands instinctively flew to her backside where her skirt had slipped up a dangerous amount to make sure she didn't somehow fall off the sofa again.

He chuckled a little when she began to press kiss after kiss to his face, purposefully missing his lips and asking if he was listening to her between each of them. „You just never cease to amaze me. I'm sure that I will love whatever garment you have chosen for me.“ He doubted that the moment his eyes fell on a borderline neon pink polo shirt but he still trusted her decision. „How about you help me put together some outfits to try on?“

In the end they picked three separate outfits they were both happy with, all three of them with jeans in different shades of blue, one of them even distressed to the point of being ripped, paired with either a shirt and cardigan or a dress shirt. „My my...I might not be able to let you go out like that.“ She was on her tip toes, looking at him from over his shoulder as he observed himself in the mirror. „What do you mean?“ He jumped a little as her hands went straight to his butt, giving him a pat before wrapping her arms around his middle, pressing herself against his back as closely as she could. „The ladies and gentleman out there might just jump your bones if they see you looking like that. You're just too handsome I'm afraid.“ He let out a little chuckle at that before turning in her embrace to hug her against him.

„And yet I would not have anyone by my side except for you.“ They shared a chaste kiss, Jumin was still a little hesitant when it came to showing affection that went beyond hugs and cuddles, but slowly and surely they worked their way forward to get him more comfortable in their relationship. After a relatively simple dinner for Jumins standards and a few glasses of wine, he called his personal chauffeur Driver Kim to escort her home. While he had an interior designer prepare a guest room just for her, most nights she spent over when it had gotten too late, she had ended up in his bed anyway. He never really minded and found himself feeling far more rested than if he slept alone.

This night however they were bound to sleep in their own beds, only to spend the entire next day together. As the CEO in line it wasn't as easy for him to take a day off and if he did, he did intend to enjoy it to it's fullest. And tomorrow that would mean to spend a day as a commoner, roaming the shopping districts, eating cheap food from street vendors and maybe go to some sort of club to end the night, whatever tickled her fancy he would endure.

Jumin woke up feeling giddy like he never had before and when he usually dreaded leaving his bed on his days off, today he couldn't get out and into the shower fast enough. Sure, they had set a specific time at which they would meet, but keeping himself busy made the time fly by much faster. He choked down a small breakfast, texted her about his outfit choice, got some work done and finally he could head to the elevator to where she was already waiting in the lobby.

His heart skipped a beat when he laid eyes on her, dressed in a feminine version of his own outfit, with a skirt instead of pants, the same sweater in another the contrasting color and with the same beanie that was resting on his own head. „You look so cute!“ She gushed when she rushed towards him, taking a quick around his form to look at him from all sides. He grinned as she nearly bounced on her heels in excitement, much like he was feeling and pinched her cheek before taking her hand to lead her outside. „Not as cute as you.“

His excitement soon dampened a little when they approached the subway station. He had heard many things about the subway and none of them were good, causing a slight nervous ache in his stomach to build. Sure he knew that two of his personal bodyguards were not too far away, so perfectly blending into the crowd that not even his girlfriend, who knew the two men personally, had noticed them, but the feeling persisted.

„I take the subway almost every day. You're gonna be fine Jumin.“ She quickly pecked him on the cheek before she turned back to the ticket machine, feeding it a few bills for two small paper rectangles that she pocketed for him. They spent the few minutes of wait time studying the subway map, something he had never really paid attention to.

The actual train ride was almost worse than he had imagined. The smell of too many people in too little space made him wrinkle his nose, he didn't want to know what kind of diseases the pole he was forced to hold onto was carrying and he was quite sure that some of the hands that had pressed against his butt were NOT accidental.

A plus side however was that he had every excuse to hold onto his companion, who had to stand very close because of the limited space and had nothing but him to hold onto. The public cuddle time was new but not unwelcome and yet both of them were more than happy to finally leave the cramped metal contraption.

„Hm, what are we going to do first...“ She clearly wasn't in any hurry, strolling about with his hand back in hers until she had an idea, gently tugging him along. „There's some stalls around the shopping district where I live, I think you might like that!“ He sure did like it, the tiny crowded booths, filled to the brim with odds and ends, cheap jewelry and decorative pieces, to clothing and even food.

They walked up and down the street, looking at the booths with less people and returned to the others on the way back. „What about this one?“ She held a delicate bracelet in her hands, braided strings with beads and tiny bells. They jingled softly as she shook it even a little. „They have different colors so we could both get one!“ He wasn't too sure about wearing a bracelet with bells but decided to humor her and allowed her to purchase two of them.

It was an odd feeling around his wrist but watching her delight as he copied her shaking her wrist to make the bells ring made it worth it. They strolled around for about two more hours before resting a little at a small café for some much needed food and drink and by the time they had decided to leave, it was already dark outside.

„Oh we have to hurry now, I wasn't watching the time!“ She urgently tugged at his sweater as he put his jacket on, back to bouncing on her heels in impatience. They rushed by the many people heading to the nearest bar and club, almost losing his bodyguards in the throng, but soon the crowd thinned out and he saw her destination.

Once they had made their way into the park, the crowd became more dense again, but they were not heading to the center of attention anyway. The further away they got the darker it became and he quickly gave his bodyguards a sign that they would be fine for now as they climbed a hill that oversaw most of the park. „I've been coming here for a while now, they have concerts every weekend and from here you have the best vantage point and still nobody is ever here.“

They stopped at a large tree with some flat ground in front of it. She produced a blanket from her backpack, spreading it out on the ground for them to sit on. „Let's get comfortable, the band should start soon. I really like them, they play here rather often too.“ It just seemed so surreal to him, having grown up with everything he could wish for, never having to ask for anything and yet here he was, cuddling with the love of his life sitting on the ground of a park to listen to a band play in the center of it. And it was the happiest he had been in a long time, if not at all.

He had often wondered how his life would turn out, would he marry the daughter of another rich businessman, never really feeling loved despite ending up fathering an heir or two? Would he end up like his father, marrying woman after woman to get the affection he so craved but never received?

No.

He had made his decision weeks, if not months ago, but never quite sure when the right moment would present itself. Even now he felt the hard little box digging into his chest in his jacket pocket, screaming at him to finally overcome his nerves. Having her cuddling into him, her legs thrown over his to get as close as possible, he finally made up his mind. There was no need for grand gestures, not with her, nothing about their relationship was as traditional as he was taught to idolize and he was quite content with that. She looked up in confusion as he shifted and he couldn't contain his smile as her eyes grew large the moment she saw the small box in his hand.

„I have been thinking long about how I would go about this, I am so used to grand proposals that I kept thinking up occasions most fitting, writing up speeches in my mind but no scenario really felt right when I thought about you, about us. It didn't took long into our relationship for me to know that you are the one I want to spend my life with, no matter what my family or society might say.“

Her breath hitched a little and he tilted her chin up, wiping away one of the tears that had already started to fall from her lashes.

„But being with you made me realize that their opinion is not important in any thing that concerns our relationship. I was told all my life that I would end up like my father, but you showed me that even I am not only capable of loving someone but being loved as well. I intend to give you many more gifts than this ring, but I don't think there is anything greater you could ever give me than your love. I know that this relationship is not perfect, nor will it ever be but if it means that I get to be with you even a moment longer I will move heaven or hell to make you happy. I cannot think of anything that would make me happier than sharing not only everything I own with you but my name as well. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?“

He had barely finished his question when she suddenly brought him in for a kiss, her cheeks still wet from happy tears, portraying all the emotions she didn't trust her voice to carry. „Of course. Of course I will!“ They shared some more kisses, more passionate than ever before until their lips were swollen and their cheeks red. The ring fit perfectly, of course it did. It was a simple ring, gold with a small diamond in the middle, engraved with both of their names. They both marveled at the thin band for a few more moments, sharing the occasional kiss when the band announced their final song for the evening.

„May I have this dance?“ They helped each other up and embraced each other for the slow song until Jumin lifted her a little to stand on his feet, swaying and spinning the both of them along to the melody until the last chords faded into the night.

#scenario #imagine #headcanon #mystic messenger #mysme #jumin han #jumin

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esabri · 4 years

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instant Markt market Grad degree besiedeln populate küken chick liebe dear Feind enemy antworten reply Getränk drink auftreten occur Unterstützung support Rede speech Natur nature Angebot range Dampf steam Bewegung motion Weg path Flüssigkeit liquid protokollieren log gemeint meant Quotient quotient Gebiss teeth Schale shell Hals neck Sauerstoff oxygen Zucker sugar Tod death ziemlich pretty Geschicklichkeit skill Frauen women Saison season Lösung solution Magnet magnet Silber silver danken thank Zweig branch Spiel match Suffix suffix insbesondere especially Feige fig ängstlich afraid riesig huge Schwester sister Stahl steel diskutieren discuss vorwärts forward ähnlich similar führen guide Erfahrung experience Partitur score apfel apple gekauft bought geführt led Tonhöhe pitch Mantel coat Masse mass Karte card Band band Seil rope Rutsch slip gewinnen win träumen dream Abend evening Zustand condition Futtermittel feed Werkzeug tool gesamt total Basis basic Geruch smell Tal valley noch nor doppelt double Sitz seat fortsetzen continue Block block Tabelle chart Hut hat verkaufen sell Erfolg success Firma company subtrahieren subtract Veranstaltung event besondere particular viel deal schwimmen swim Begriff term Gegenteil opposite Frau wife Schuh shoe Schulter shoulder Verbreitung spread arrangieren arrange Lager camp erfinden invent Baumwolle cotton geboren born bestimmen determine Quart quart neun nine Lastwagen truck Lärm noise Ebene level Chance chance sammeln gather Geschäft shop Stretch stretch werfen throw Glanz shine Immobilien property Spalte column Molekül molecule wählen select falsch wrong grau gray Wiederholung repeat erfordern require breit broad vorbereiten prepare Salz salt Nase nose mehreren plural Zorn anger Anspruch claim Kontinent continent

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gregorio-r-j · 3 years

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ECQ THROUGH THE LENS OF A STUDENT

Today my tumbler entry will be filled with my insight of the COVID Life from the perspective of a not so privileged student dealing with academics and early twenties life crisis.

That’s it? It’s been a year already? Where have my 2020 gone? – This question summarizes the whole 2020 journey of almost every one of us. Don’t you all agree that this is one of the worst years this generation has faced? I mean, just look at the left and right tragedies, disasters, war, human hostilities, global pandemic, and the number of unfortunate events that 2020 has brought. Could it be worse? Who would’ve thought that we can lose everything we love and enjoy in our daily life in just a blink of an eye? Looking back to March last year, when the first wave of COVID19 hit our country and ECQ was first implemented, we never have imagined that things will only get worse and this ECQ life will continue up to this day.

Honestly, setting aside the fear of facing the unknown virus and uncertain effects it may impose on our lives, I think the first few months of our ECQ and COVID life is so much lighter and better than how it is today. Whether we admit it or not, I think last year we all expect to be freed from ECQ at this point and be back to our normal life but the opposite happened. Back then we don't have many worries and all we are troubled about is not contracting the disease and how to cope up with being stuck at home with nothing to do and away from our normal and daily life. A lot of us discovered our ways to cope with the quarantine life and boredom. Trends are arising successively and people are sharing their love for diverse things such as Korean dramas, plants, American series, and other common interests. In my case, I found my simple joy in cooking and watching dramas too.

For some, it was a good time to reflect on themselves and return to their long-forgotten passion that they set aside to cope up with the busy daily life but for others, this was not the case. Well, if we look at it from a different perspective, these are just things people do to distract themselves from the continuous rise of the daily number of covid cases that leave everyone with fear and anxiety. This phase only lasts for a few months because the succeeding months are just too much to handle. Aside from the actual health crisis and economic problems the world is facing, we also have household matters such as financial issues, bonds, and individuality, and personal concerns such as academics, individual responsibility, etc. And this pandemic has further shown us the true nature of humanity and how it is like to live with privilege.

Most of the measures the government has implemented in its fight against the pandemic can be considered pro-privileged and anti-poor. The ECQ, MECQ, GCQ or whatever type of lockdowns and quarantine they implemented to contain the spread of the virus made the people on the low level of society suffer from financial issues as many have lost their jobs and source of income. Yes, this is with good intention and they give financial support but this is not enough to sustain a family’s needs but this move neglect the life and sufferings of some people. Moreover, not everyone received financial support and some officials even have the audacity to corrupt the money that is intended for the people. Even the government’s solution to the continuance of education and academic are not accessible or affordable by anyone. The online class setup is only effective for those who are privileged and have the means to engage in it. Not everyone has access to the internet, has gadgets they can use to attend their classes, and has a healthy environment at home where they can focus on their academics and education. These kinds of solution that only benefits those who are privileged and are unfair to those who have less in life only widens the gaps in education forcing many to even consider giving up on their education.

On a personal view, upon reflecting on my ECQ experience and journey, I don’t think I will ever be able to describe how the past year has been for me. I think the closest way to describe it is that it was a mixture of anxiousness, anger, loneliness, failures, disappointment, realizations, and a whole lot of mess with tiny dust of sparkles and sunshine. It was so much more than just a roller coaster ride. During lockdown I found myself asking questions about every single thing about life that doesn’t enter my mind and concern me before. As a 3rd-year college student dealing with one of the hardest phases in my life. I'm honestly exhausted with academics and I do no longer love it the same way that I used to. I haven't exactly moved on yet with the implementation of the k-12 program and now we are faced with a global pandemic and are forced to continue our education in a virtual setting.

At first, I thought it was actually for the better since I can save a lot of expenses and time and save myself from the hassle of traveling to university and dealing with traffic as well as other people. But in a bigger picture, I have realized that we students lose so much more than what we gain from this online academic setup. I used to just smirk when people say college is only bearable when you have your circle of people to bear it with and a healthy learning environment otherwise it can eat you up alive but today I'm seeing what they meant by that. College truly is only bearable when you have people to bear it with and I regret taking that for granted.

During my 1st-2nd year in college, I remember how I was always looking forward to going home and waiting for class suspensions because all I care about was to rest in the comfort of our home. I always think that staying extra longer on campus after class is a waste of time if it is not for organization stuff and university events but now I have realized that the simple joy of spending time with your friends in the field after a long tiring day, eating out with them to enjoy their company, classroom jamming, rehearsals and going out on short trips to manila after exams is a big part of our college life and are some of the most memorable and important parts of surviving college. If only I have foreseen this pandemic to last I would have spent more time with them, eat out in different eateries and restaurants near campus, watching movies, or just simply lay in the field side by side with them complaining about how tiring academics was. I would have enjoyed and attended more events from councils and would have been more active in joining organizations. I miss Odiba days, Christmas tree lighting, and concerts, and even outreach programs we used to attend back on our normal student days.

Sad to say those days have all gone by and we're never really sure if we can go back to how it was before we leave the university a year from now. Everything I have mentioned so far is just a glimpse of our college life that we cannot enjoy in today's online classes but aside from losing all these fun and bright side of being college students, we are also struggling with a lot of setbacks and challenges dealing with the new normal not so friendly and pro-privileged online classes. Honestly, at this point, I don’t know anymore if I have learned from the past semesters we spent through the online setup and if it’s all worth it. The online class is so much more demanding than face-to-face setups in terms of workloads and stress. It’s like a constant chase of deadlines, procrastination, submissions, exams, and nothing else but a survival game that we need to finish to reach our goal and graduate. I have never feared Mondays and 11:59 p.m as much as I do now. Exhausting and draining are not enough to describe how online classes are for students and professors especially if you are enrolled in a university wherein wishing for an academic break to breathe a little from all the stress and hardship of online classes is considered as an excused for laziness. Seems like even university administrators forgot that we are humans and not machines or robot, but even these things malfunction and fail if it’s overused.

This online academic setup has taken its toll on me both in physical and mental aspects. I used to sacrifice sleep, family time, going out, self-enjoyment and my health for the sake of academics but today I cannot afford to sacrifice these because I’m barely making it through and now all I care and focus about is passing and getting works done, I’m no longer thriving but surviving instead. I cannot even bother to break down and crumble when I receive low scores even though I’m used to receiving competent grades because I would rather finish another work that has been piling up on canvas instead of crying over what can’t be changed. It is true when they say that the line between academic and personal time is becoming blurred. In the online class setup, we are no longer students for 6-8 hours like in face-to-face classes but we are becoming 24 hours available students who need to cope up with all the works in every hour of our day available, it is so serious that even sleeping made us feel guilty most of the time. I’m at this point where I’m wondering if all of these sacrifices are worth it.

My quarantine life revolves mostly around fighting my demons. It's like a constant fight against monsters my mind has created. Aside from the constant stress and pressure on my academics, I have also been dealing with life pressures. As a woman in her early twenties stuck in college and juggling academics, family responsibilities, and life progress, and personal growth, I have faced challenges and problems that I have never imagined would cross my path and I had to deal with the consequences of my past decisions and the responsibilities that comes with it. What keeps me going throughout these hard times are my family and friends. Honestly, I would have gone insane or depressed if it's not for them. The academic pressure and all the problems arising in our society is just too much to handle on one’s own and I’m happy that I am blessed enough to be surrounded by people who supports me and believes in me so much sometimes even more than I believe in myself knowing that it is not the case for everyone.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the real meaning of life and how I choose to live it. What’s there to value and give importance to and how we are so blinded and focus on living the life that society tells us to live instead of making a life of our own? Honestly, I just can’t see what comes next after all of this because as of today all I care about is to survive. I am anxious about what the future will hold and where life will lead me someday. Dealing with the pandemic which forced me to stop working towards my goals and plans and losing almost one and a half year of my life that I could have used to focus on my goals and achieving my dreams is truly regretful and depressing. It’s like I’m getting older and older and I haven’t achieved much which makes me think that I am taking longer in life than my peers. Some of them are getting married and having families, some are already working, some are building their own business, and here I am in my room dealing with deadlines and looking forward to an uncertain future. I wish I will soon figure things out and find motivation again, or at least know where it is that I want to go and what is it really that I wanted to achieve.

@bertongbigtime

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disillusioned41 · 3 years

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In the United States, every season is campaign season. Four months after America last went to the polls, Democrats are still refining their autopsies of the 2020 race and already governing with an eye toward the 2022 midterms. Meanwhile, on the other side of the aisle, Republicans are trying to figure out just how firm Donald Trump’s grip on their party really is — and debating whether that grip should be stronger or weaker.

To gain some insight into these matters, Intelligencer turned to our favorite socialist proponent of ruthlessly poll-driven campaigning, David Shor. A veteran of the 2012 Obama campaign, Shor is currently head of data science at OpenLabs, a progressive nonprofit. We spoke with him last week about how his analysis of the 2020 election has changed since November, what Democrats need to do to keep Congress after 2022, and why he thinks the Trump era was great for the Republican Party (in strictly electoral terms).

What are the most important things you’ve learned about the 2020 election between the last time we spoke and today?

What’s changed since November is that we now have individual-level vote-history data in a bunch of states. And we also have a lot more precinct-level data. And people have had more time to run surveys. So the picture has gotten clearer.

One high-level takeaway is that the 2020 electorate had a very similar partisan composition to the 2016 electorate. When the polls turned out to be wrong — and Trump turned out to be much stronger than they predicted — a lot of people concluded that turnout models must have been off: Trump must have inspired higher Republican turnout than expected. But that looks wrong. It really seems like the electorate was slightly more Democratic than it had been in 2016, largely due to demographic change (because there’s such a large partisan gap between younger and older voters, every four years the electorate gets something like 0.4 percent more Democratic just through generational churn). So Trump didn’t exceed expectations by inspiring higher-than-anticipated Republican turnout. He exceeded them mostly through persuasion. A lot of voters changed their minds between 2016 and 2020.

At the subgroup level, Democrats gained somewhere between half a percent to one percent among non-college whites and roughly 7 percent among white college graduates (which is kind of crazy). Our support among African Americans declined by something like one to 2 percent. And then Hispanic support dropped by 8 to 9 percent. The jury is still out on Asian Americans. We’re waiting on data from California before we say anything. But there’s evidence that there was something like a 5 percent decline in Asian American support for Democrats, likely with a lot of variance among subgroups. There were really big declines in Vietnamese areas, for example. Anyway, one implication of these shifts is that education polarization went up and racial polarization went down.

In other words, a voter’s level of educational attainment — whether they had a college degree — became more predictive of which party they voted for in 2020 than it had been in 2016, while a voter’s racial identity became less predictive?

Yeah. White voters as a whole trended toward the Democratic Party, and nonwhite voters trended away from us. So we’re now somewhere between 2004 and 2008 in terms of racial polarization. Which is interesting. I don’t think a lot of people expected Donald Trump’s GOP to have a much more diverse support base than Mitt Romney’s did in 2012. But that’s what happened.

Does the available data give us any insight into why? Do you have any sense what was behind the large rightward shift among Hispanic voters?

One important thing to know about the decline in Hispanic support for Democrats is that it was pretty broad. This isn’t just about Cubans in South Florida. It happened in New York and California and Arizona and Texas. Really, we saw large drops all over the country. But it was notably larger in some places than others. In the precinct-level data, one of the things that jumps out is that places where a lot of voters have Venezuelan or Colombian ancestry saw much larger swings to the GOP than basically anywhere else in the country. The Colombian and Venezuelan shifts were huge.

One of my favorite examples is Doral, which is a predominantly Venezuelan and Colombian neighborhood in South Florida. One precinct in that neighborhood went for Hillary Clinton by 40 points in 2016 and for Trump by ten points in 2020. One thing that makes Colombia and Venezuela different from much of Latin America is that socialism as a brand has a very specific, very high salience meaning in those countries. It’s associated with FARC paramilitaries in Colombia and the experience with President Maduro in Venezuela. So I think one natural inference is that the increased salience of socialism in 2020 — with the rise of AOC and the prominence of anti-socialist messaging from the GOP — had something to do with the shift among those groups.

As for the story with Hispanics overall, one thing that really comes out very clearly in survey data that we’ve done is that it really comes down to ideology. So when you look at self-reported ideology — just asking people, “Do you identify as liberal, moderate, or conservative” — you find that there aren’t very big racial divides. Roughly the same proportion of African American, Hispanic, and white voters identify as conservative. But white voters are polarized on ideology, while nonwhite voters haven’t been. Something like 80 percent of white conservatives vote for Republicans. But historically, Democrats have won nonwhite conservatives, often by very large margins. What happened in 2020 is that nonwhite conservatives voted for Republicans at higher rates; they started voting more like white conservatives.

And so this leads to a question of why. Why did nonwhite voters start sorting more by ideology? And that’s a hard thing to know. But my organization, and our partner organizations, have done extensive post-election surveys of 2020 voters. And we looked specifically at those voters who switched from supporting Hillary Clinton in 2016 to Donald Trump in 2020 to see whether anything distinguishes this subgroup in terms of their policy opinions. What we found is that Clinton voters with conservative views on crime, policing, and public safety were far more likely to switch to Trump than voters with less conservative views on those issues. And having conservative views on those issues was more predictive of switching from Clinton to Trump than having conservative views on any other issue-set was.

This lines up pretty well with trends we saw during the campaign. In the summer, following the emergence of “defund the police” as a nationally salient issue, support for Biden among Hispanic voters declined. So I think you can tell this microstory: We raised the salience of an ideologically charged issue that millions of nonwhite voters disagreed with us on. And then, as a result, these conservative Hispanic voters who’d been voting for us despite their ideological inclinations started voting more like conservative whites.

Are these problems with Democratic positioning or with “disinformation”? Obviously, Joe Biden didn’t campaign on police abolition and worker control of the means of production. So there was a disconnect between the reality of the party’s platform and how it was perceived. Closing that gap, through a “Latino Anti-Disinformation Lab,” appears to be a focus of Democrats’ postelection efforts to fix their problem with Hispanic voters. Does that make sense as a path forward?

I’d say this: The decline that we saw was very large. Nine percent or so nationwide, up to 14 or 15 percent in Florida. Roughly one in ten Hispanic voters switched their vote from Clinton to Trump. That is beyond the margin of what can plausibly be changed by investing more in Spanish media. And I don’t think a shift that large can be plausibly attributed to what was said in WhatsApp groups or not buying enough in YouTube ads. I think the problem is more fundamental.

Over the last four years, white liberals have become a larger and larger share of the Democratic Party. There’s a narrative on the left that the Democrats’ growing reliance on college-educated whites is pulling the party to the right (Matt Karp had an essay on this recently). But I think that’s wrong. Highly educated people tend to have more ideologically coherent and extreme views than working-class ones. We see this in issue polling and ideological self-identification. College-educated voters are way less likely to identify as moderate. So as Democrats have traded non-college-educated voters for college-educated ones, white liberals’ share of voice and clout in the Democratic Party has gone up. And since white voters are sorting on ideology more than nonwhite voters, we’ve ended up in a situation where white liberals are more left wing than Black and Hispanic Democrats on pretty much every issue: taxes, health care, policing, and even on racial issues or various measures of “racial resentment.” So as white liberals increasingly define the party’s image and messaging, that’s going to turn off nonwhite conservative Democrats and push them against us.

When you say that white liberals are to the left of the typical Black Democrat on racial issues, how much does that depend on the definition of a racial issue? For example, one policy fight that often pits the interests of white liberal Democrats against those of the Black working class is housing and school integration. There are a lot of highly educated, white, liberal areas — full of “Black Lives Matter” lawn signs — which nevertheless oppose affordable-housing projects or school-redistricting plans that would bring less wealthy, less white students to their kids’ classrooms. The white liberals who oppose efforts to end de facto segregation may know the enlightened answer to abstract questions about the nature of racial inequality, but I’m not sure that puts them to the left of nonwhite voters on racial issues, properly defined.

Yeah, no, absolutely. White liberals do give more progressive responses across a wide battery of traditional racial resentment questions like, “Do you believe that the reason why African Americans can’t get ahead is due to discrimination or due to other factors?” But I think it’s important to put “racial resentment” in quotes whenever you talk about it. I’m not claiming that white liberals are somehow less racist than people of color, to the extent that question even makes sense. And I do think if you asked about affirmative action and inclusionary zoning, rather than these more abstract questions that political scientists use for measuring racial resentment, you could find a different breakdown.

But I think the split on those abstract questions captures something real. In liberal circles, racism has been defined in highly ideological terms. And this theoretical perspective on what racism means and the nature of racial inequality have become a big part of the group identity of college-educated Democrats, white and nonwhite. But it’s not necessarily how most nonwhite, working-class people understand racism.

How do they differ?

I don’t think I can answer that comprehensively. But if you look at the concrete questions, white liberals are to the left of Hispanic Democrats, but also of Black Democrats, on defunding the police and those ideological questions about the source of racial inequity.

Regardless, even if a majority of nonwhite people agreed with liberals on all of these issues, the fundamental problem is that Democrats have been relying on the support of roughly 90 percent of Black voters and 70 percent of Hispanic voters. So if Democrats elevate issues or theories that a large minority of nonwhite voters reject, it’s going to be hard to keep those margins. Because these issues are strongly correlated with ideology. And Black conservatives and Hispanic conservatives don’t actually buy into a lot of these intellectual theories of racism. They often have a very different conception of how to help the Black or Hispanic community than liberals do. And I don’t think we can buy our way out of this trade-off. Most voters are not liberals. If we polarize the electorate on ideology — or if nationally prominent Democrats raise the salience of issues that polarize the electorate on ideology — we’re going to lose a lot of votes.

Don’t these ideological self-descriptions carry similar definitional problems as “racial resentment”? Most voters may not identify as liberals. But judging from opinion polls, most voters do reject the lion’s share of the conservative movement’s governing priorities. In Congress, a “conservative” is typically a lawmaker who supports tax cuts for the rich and funding cuts for Medicaid, while opposing a higher minimum wage and another round of stimulus checks. Those are all extremely unpopular positions.

Absolutely.

It seems important then to get clarity on what these ideological labels do and don’t mean. If taken at face value, the data looks pretty ominous for Democrats: They’ve built a coalition premised on overwhelming support from these nonwhite groups, but that support was rooted in historically contingent social conditions — not substantive agreement — and now those conditions are eroding, clearing the way for an emerging “conservative” majority. On the other hand, if you look at the polling of the biggest policy debates in Congress over the past eight years, you might conclude that there’s a natural liberal majority in this country and that the GOP is the party whose coalition is an “unnatural” agglomeration of groups held together by accidents of history.

I agree with everything you said. I do think that liberals sometimes take the ambiguities of ideology too far. A lot of progressives insist that ideological self-identification means nothing. And we know that isn’t true. One of the big patterns of the last 40 years is that ideological self-description has become increasingly correlated with partisanship and increasingly correlated to views on issues.

But there is still a large universe of policy questions — mostly economic but not exclusively — where a large majority of the public agrees with us. A $15 minimum wage polls above 60 percent; that couldn’t happen without a lot of “moderates” and “conservatives” supporting the policy. What I take from that is: Ideological polarization is a dead end. If we divide the electorate on self-described ideology, we lose — both because there are more conservatives than liberals and because conservatives are structurally overrepresented in the House, Senate, and Electoral College. So the way we get around that is by talking a lot about progressive goals that are not ideologically polarizing, goals that we share with self-described conservatives and moderates. Even among nonwhite voters, those tend to be economic issues. In test after test that we’ve done with Hispanic voters, talking about immigration commonly sparks backlash: Asking voters whether they lean toward Biden and Trump, and then emphasizing the Democratic position on immigration, often caused Biden’s share of support among Latino respondents to decline. Meanwhile, Democratic messaging about investing in schools and jobs tended to move Latino voters away from Trump.

Is that primarily a function of the fact that the marginal Hispanic voter — the one who’s least attached to the Democratic Party — is to the right of the typical Hispanic voter? Like, it isn’t the case that a majority of Hispanic voters respond negatively to immigration messaging, is it?

No. I mean, Hispanic voters are more liberal on immigration than white voters. But I think that, for one thing, the extent to which Hispanic voters have liberal views on immigration is exaggerated. If you look at, for example, decriminalizing border crossings, that’s not something that a majority of Hispanic voters support. Pew’s done a lot of polling on immigration reform, and if you ask things like, “Should we deport the undocumented population, should we give them a path to permanent residency, or should we give them a path to citizenship?” citizenship only gets a little over 50 percent support among Hispanic voters. So I think liberals really essentialize Hispanic voters and project views about immigration onto them that the data just doesn’t support.

Now, how we should campaign and what we should do once in office are different questions. Our immigration system is a humanitarian crisis, and we should do something about that. But the point of public communication should be to win votes. And the way that you do that is to not trigger ideological polarization.

What’s your (way too early) assessment of Democrats’ odds of retaining Congress after the midterm? What do they need to achieve, in statistical terms, to pull that off? And then, from a substantive point of view, are there things that they can do in office to make hitting those marks easier?

As a baseline, midterms are usually very bad for the party in power. In the past 70 years, the incumbent party has gained seats in the House and Senate maybe once or twice. The last one was in 2002. The regularity of how bad midterm environments are for the president’s party is one of the most striking findings in political science. Generally speaking, over the last 30 to 40 years, the party that controls the presidency gets about 47 percent of the vote nationwide. Add in the fact that the House already has a fairly substantial pro-Republican bias — the median House seat is something like three points to the right of the country overall — it means that in the base scenario, Democrats are headed for near-certain doom. If we replicate the GOP’s post-9/11, 2002 midterm performance, we have a chance. If we replicate the second-best presidential-party midterm from the past 40 years, we lose.

The good news is that there’s a strong case for thinking this time might be different. I’m not a macroeconomist, but it seems like Joe Biden might preside over a post-corona economic boom. Already, Biden’s approval rating is very strong. The best predictor of how a midterm is going to shake out is how popular the president is. So, for now, everything looks about as good as you could hope for.

But we have no margin for error. If we conduct ourselves the way we did after 2008, we’re definitely going to lose. And due to the way that our electoral system works, we really could be locked out of power for a very long time, just like we were after 2010. So that means the need for messaging discipline is stronger than ever. But keeping the national conversation focused around popular economic issues probably won’t be enough. Since the maps in the House of Representatives are so biased against us, if we don’t pass a redistricting reform, our chance of keeping the House is very low. And then the Senate is even more biased against us than the House. So, it’s also very important that we add as many states as we can. Currently, even if we have an exceptionally good midterm, the most likely outcome is that we lose one or two Senate seats. And then, going into 2024, we have something like seven or eight Democrats who are in states that are more Republican than the country overall. Basically, we have this small window right now to pass redistricting reform and create states. And if we don’t use this window, we will almost certainly lose control of the federal government and not be in a position to pass laws again potentially for a decade. In terms of putting numbers on things, I think that if we implemented D.C. and Puerto Rican statehood and passed redistricting reform, that would roughly triple our chance of holding the House in 2022 and roughly the same in the Senate. The fact that it’s possible to triple those odds is a testament to how bleak the baseline case is. So we need to pass those reforms and we need Biden to remain popular. If his approval rating is below 50 by the end of the year, we’re probably fucked.

Is there a tension between those two imperatives? In the past, I’ve heard you talk a lot about “thermostatic” public opinion — how voters tend to move right when Democrats are in power, and left when Republicans are in power, and generally display a bias toward the status quo and against policy change. Could adding multiple states to the Union, and changing the way that we go about allocating House representation — specifically in a manner that diminishes the influence of white, rural voters — spur thermostatic backlash? And if so, could maintaining Biden’s current approval, and implementing the reforms necessary for Democrats to stay competitive at the congressional level, present an irresolvable dilemma?

I can’t claim to know exactly what the electoral effects would be of doing these things. But all of the polling I’ve seen suggests that things like HR 1 and adding states are above water. They’re not as popular as a lot of economic issues, but they’re above 50 percent. Electoral backlash doesn’t typically come from doing things that poll at 53 or 54 percent. It comes from doing things that poll at 30 or 40 percent. And so I think that the downside of this stuff is low. I think the level of voter interest in procedural issues is low. If we lived in a world where voters punished politicians for playing procedural hardball, we would have a lot fewer Republicans in office.

And actually, in some ways, pursuing procedural reforms that don’t concern voters much — but which do get the other party all worked up — could be electorally beneficial. If you can get the other party to talk about something that voters don’t care about, that’s good. People don’t always think about media attention as a fixed quantity. But it is. To the extent that the coronavirus impacted the 2020 election, I think one positive political effect it had for Democrats was that whenever the media was talking about the coronavirus, they weren’t talking about Hunter Biden or immigration. And I think that kind of blocked Republicans from creating and inserting wedge issues. If Republicans decide to make 2022 into a referendum on independent redistricting, that will eat up space that could have otherwise gone to effective attacks. We should dare them to do it.

We talked a lot about the rightward drift of Hispanic voters in 2020. But the other big change was a leftward shift among college-educated whites. Understanding the cause of that shift seems pretty important. If these college-educated voters were primarily rejecting Donald Trump, Democrats might not be able to count on their support in 2022 and beyond.

Yeah, it’s a great question. Let’s start with numbers: In 2016, non-college-educated whites swung roughly 10 percent against the Democratic Party. And then, in 2018, roughly 30 percent of those Obama-Trump voters ended up supporting Democrats down ballot. In 2020, only 10 percent of Obama-Trump voters came home for Biden.

So I think what this shows: There is a long-term trend of increasing education polarization here and in every other country in the West. But the fact that education polarization declined significantly in 2018 — when Trump wasn’t on the ballot — and picked up again in 2020 suggests that Trump is personally responsible for a significant portion of America’s education polarization. I think that there’s a really strong case that this transition was specifically about Donald Trump.

A lot of people theorized that we first alienated Obama-Trump voters during the fight over comprehensive immigration reform and that their rightward movement was already apparent in 2014. But if you actually look at panel data, it seems really clear that these people didn’t start identifying as Republicans until Trump won the GOP nomination. I think there’s a very strong empirical argument that Donald Trump was the main driver of the polarization we’ve seen since 2016. He just personally embodies this large cultural divide between cosmopolitan college-educated voters and a large portion of non-college-educated voters. Those divides take a lot of different forms: attitudes toward race, attitudes toward gender, opinions on what kinds of things you’re allowed to say, or how you should conduct yourself. And you know, as Trump became the nominee, and as the media made politics the Donald Trump Show for the last four years, that led to increasing political polarization on attitudes toward Donald Trump specifically. I think the reason why we saw less education-based voting in 2018 is that Trump was a smaller part of the media environment than he had been in 2016 or would be in 2020.

Looking ahead to 2022, and just thinking about the next four years, the big question is how much is Donald Trump going to shape media coverage of the Republican Party or the Republican Party’s own branding? And I don’t know the answer to that question. If Trump fades out of the spotlight, I’d expect some level of education depolarization, particularly if Democrats show ideological discipline.

That speaks to a question I’ve been mulling for a while. During the 2016 campaign, Vox developed this concept of “the Trump Tax,” which was a measure of the electoral penalty that Republicans were paying for picking the most unpopular nominee in polling history. Basically, it took a “fundamentals” model of how one would expect a Republican presidential candidate to perform, given economic conditions and other background factors, and then measured how much lower Trump’s support was than that. And yet, while Trump remained historically unpopular in office, he also helped the GOP increase its structural advantages at every level of government. So I’ve long wondered: Was Donald Trump’s unpopularity with the general public more detrimental to the Republican Party than his gift for deepening education polarization was valuable?

So, in 2016, Hillary Clinton got 51.1 percent of the two-party vote. Obama got 52 percent in 2012. In just about any other country, retaining 51.1 percent support would have been enough to keep power. But in this country, between 2012 and 2016, the Electoral College bias changed from being one percent biased toward Democrats to 3 percent biased toward Republicans, mainly because of education polarization. So Donald Trump is unpopular. And he does pay a penalty for that relative to a generic Republican. But the voters he’s popular with happen to be extremely efficiently distributed in political-geography terms.

Imagine Hillary Clinton had run against Marco Rubio in 2016. Rubio is a less toxic figure to the public as a whole, so let’s say he performed as a generic Republican would have been expected to, and Hillary Clinton’s share of the two-party vote fell to 49.6 percent. If she had maintained Obama’s coalition — if her 49.6 percent had the same ratio of college-to-non-college-educated voters as Obama had in 2012 — she would have won that election. And then, if you look at the implications that would have had down-ballot, especially in the Senate, Republicans would have been a lot worse off with a narrow majority coalition — that had a Romney-esque split between college and non-college voters — than they were with the Trump coalition.

So I think the Trump era has been very good for the Republican Party, even if they now, momentarily, have to accept this very, very, very thin Democratic trifecta. Because if these coalition changes are durable, the GOP has very rosy long-term prospects for dominating America’s federal institutions.

The question is: Can they get all of the good parts of Trumpism without the bad parts? And I don’t know the answer to that question. But when I look at the 2020 election, I see that we ran against the most unpopular Republican ever to run for president — and we ran literally the most popular figure in our party whose last name is not Obama — and we only narrowly won the Electoral College. If Biden had done 0.3 percent worse, then Donald Trump would have won reelection with just 48 percent of the two-party vote. We can’t control what Trump or Republicans do. But we can add states, we can ban partisan redistricting, and we can elevate issues that appeal to both college-educated liberals and a lot of working-class “conservatives.” If we don’t, things could get very bleak, very fast.

#just asking questions #david shor #q&a #2022 midterms #vision 2020 #New York Magazine #opinion #analysis #us politics

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justadram · 5 years

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Fic: Beach Week, pt 3

Parts 1 & 2; Jon x Sansa

Beach Week: You drink. You hook up. And it’s so good. Your brother will just have to deal.

Sansa wants to tell Jon to wait a few minutes to follow her, so no one suspects anything. A little discretion--more than they displayed on the back porch--is probably a good idea around his annoying teammates. It would give her some time to pull herself together too. Not a terrible thing, considering the smell of Jon’s soap has her feeling her pulse in embarrassing places.

But they don’t make it around the beer pong table without the team’s goalie snagging Jon’s attention.

“Can I ask you something?”

“I’m a little busy, Edd,” Jon says with his fingertips hovering above the waistband of her shorts.

“Have you seen the bathroom down here?” his reed thin friend asks, completely undeterred. “Or smelled it?”

Sansa wrinkles her nose. She really hopes he doesn’t mean to ask her to clean it. That’s the kind of thing some of her brother’s friends think is okay to ask her or Jeyne to do. But Edd has this shot of grey hair at his part that makes him look more mature than the rest of them. She’d inadvertently put him in a different category of guys, who don’t treat girls like servants.

He jerks his thumb towards the bathroom. “I’m realizing that putting my name on the rental contract is going to end as badly as it did last year. I’m never getting that deposit back.”

His point seems amply proven by a clang from the kitchen only he wheels around to acknowledge.

“Shit. That sounded bad.”

“Maybe not,” she says with a shrug.

“Might as well enjoy the destruction, I guess,” he says, lifting his cup at them. “Since I’ll be paying for it either way.”

“Sure, I’ll um... play a round with you later,” Jon says like he hasn’t followed a word his teammate and fraternity brother has said.

“Are you drunk?” she asks, bumping him with her hip.

“What?” he asks, eyes slicing to hers. She’s about to repeat herself, but he understood. “No. I’m fine.”

He seemed into it on the porch. Okay, he felt into it--that was unmistakable--but these days, there’s always that gnawing self-doubt ready ready to creep in. Having your boyfriend cheat on you does wonders for your self-confidence apparently. But, there’s probably no point in worrying whether Jon really wants her, when he can’t even focus on what Edd’s saying.

She rakes her teeth over her bottom lip. Jon is downright cute all dumbly aroused like this. How did she never notice how sexy he was?

For God’s sake, one time, she rode the team bus back from a game, when Harry disappeared on her, totally stranding her without a ride, and she fell asleep on Jon’s shoulder. He’d been the safe choice of a seatmate, and it’d been so comfortable rocking along in the dark, her shoulder leaned into his, that she passed right out. Probably drooled on him and didn’t give it a second thought, because it was just Jon Snow.

“You?” he asks, eyes skimming over her as if that might aid in his assessment of her sobriety.

“Nope.”

She’s never dated a guy that would have bothered to check. How messed up is that?

No, he definitely doesn’t have country club manners, but Jon’s an actual good guy. It makes her want him more if that’s possible. Screw doing the casual thing: Jon should be hers.

“Judging by the bathroom, you two are the only ones who aren’t. But there’s a fresh Pony Keg they just tapped if you want to contribute to the draining of my bank account through drunken mayhem.”

She runs her hand down the length of Jon’s arm, tracing the ridges of ropy muscle, until their fingers are linked. Just a firm squeeze, a silent message to hurry this up, and he taps Edd’s cup with his own.

“Later, man.”

Edd’s mouth opens and closes, fish-like, as he looks between the two of them and then squints over his cup. “Sans, if you’re that bored, you can always use my Netflix password.”

“Text it to me,” she says, as Jon gives her a sideways stare that makes her stomach flip.

“You’re an asshole, Tollett.” He tugs on her hand. “Come on.”

“I’m just trying to help,” Edd says loudly enough that she can hear him over the din, as they weave through the living room. “That’s how they stuck me with the rental contract.”

There’s a spilled beer soaking the corner of the rug, so he’s probably right about the deposit. Poor Edd.

Except, he’ll find a way to tell at least four people about them tonight in that matter of fact way of his, managing not to seem like a gossip, when he absolutely is. So, she doesn’t feel all that bad for him. Not when she’ll be lucky if her phone doesn’t blow up with angry texts from Harry before the night is over.

He’s that guy. The guy who screws you over and then has the nerve to get pissed when you let someone else screw you. Pure ego.

So, there’s Edd, and Asha of course, and Sam knows what’s up based on how he stares, eyes glued to the ceiling like he’s trying really hard not to react, as they brush past him at the bottom of the stairs with their hands clasped. Robb probably knows. Even if she won’t glance back towards the kitchen to see if he’s watching them, when Jon steers her around the banister, he’s got to have noticed.

This isn’t the low-key hookup she planned out.

Well, her brother is just going to have to deal. Because when the bedroom door shuts behind them and Jon backs her into it with his thigh between her legs and his hands sliding up underneath her sweatshirt, she thinks she deserves this.

Marg really wasn’t off-base: this is precisely what she needs.

Forehead pressed to hers, his hands still. “I’ve been wanting to kiss you... ”

“All week?” she teases, wrapping a hand around one of those solid arms.

“Hey,” he says, running his thumb along the band of her bra.

She tips her face up, inviting him to kiss her again like on the porch. He doesn’t take the bait.

"I want you to know something.”

She has to swallow to answer. “Okay.”

She toys with the hem of his softly worn t-shirt sleeve, waiting. The silence that stretches out between them makes her want to chew the inside of her cheek, but she wears her most practiced, cool expression.

Something flickers across his eyes. They’re so dark they’re almost black in the dimly lit, musty beach house bedroom, but whatever it is, it’s gone, when he hikes her thigh up around his hip.

“You are such a menace in these shorts.”

She’s pretty sure that’s not what he was going to say, but his fingers depressing her flesh is almost all she can concentrate on. “Trouble?”

“You have no idea.”

He kisses her with the same gentle assault that drove her crazy outside.

First kisses aren’t like this. As far as she knows, they’re either bad sloppy or tentatively unsure, but never this tender. Like they have forever. Like he wants to take forever with her. It feels like he’s been thinking about kissing her for much longer than a week.

A sharp breath at the feather-light brush of his lips on hers and her lips part, but instead of taking advantage, he continues to linger.

The kisses he presses to her lips--her lower lip, full, off-center, and back--aren’t gentle like this from lack of certainty. He knows exactly what he’s doing: this is purposeful and deliberate, winding her up for something. His soft, thrummingly erotic kisses build with such slow promise that she can’t help but dig her nails into the muscle of his arm.

God, what could he do to the rest of her?

Her pulse thuds in her ears, she feels it between her legs, her whole body focused on him with a drugged kind of pull. His scent, every point where their bodies touch, even the sound of his breathing and the creak of the floor under his shifting weight--she can’t get enough of it. His arm must hurt with the vice-like grip she’s got him in, but he gives no sign of it with this measured testing of her mouth.

She nips his lower lip, tugging, asking for more, and he smiles into another soft kiss. His steady breathing brings his firm chest against hers with every inhale, the sort of contact she wants more of, as much as she wants to taste his mouth and roll around in sheets washed in whatever laundry detergent he uses. He smells so damn good.

While she paws at him helplessly, he’s going to kill her, drive up her blood pressure until she has a heart attack with her back pushed against a cheap slab door. Lingering longer with every kiss, the anticipation coiling in her belly will end her.

And he knows it. Smiling against her mouth, she’s convinced he knows it.

Bastard.

She says his name like she’s begging, because she is.

He takes pity on her.

No, worse. So much worse, she realizes, arching her back, as a callous on the palm of his hand snags on the soft lace of her bra. It a flimsy unlined thing, the prettiest one she packed, and it does nothing to keep her from feeling the warmth of his hand. His warm hands at her waist and breast and the puff of his breath against her neck, drives a needy sound from her throat, as he kisses from her jawline down.

Looping her arms behind his neck, she tilts her pelvis, straining towards him for more. Her head thuds against the hollow door, as he lifts her off the floor, two hands gripping her ass. If the dull contact hurts, she doesn’t feel it. All she feels, when she wraps both legs around him and he shifts her--just so--is the length of him hard against her. Right where she’s sensitive.

“Fuck.” His curse vibrates against her chest, while the thrill of the power shift between them sends tendrils of pleasure up her back and down her limbs.

Finally, he kisses her hard, lips parting and tongue sweeping over hers with a demanding heaviness that mimics the thrust of him against her. It pushes her up the door. Just an inch, so he has to chase her mouth. It’s more desperate, the good kind of wet that feels like sex. And again her back slides up the door, when he thrusts once more, head tilting, as he deepens the kiss.

As good as this is, and it really, really is, she’s not going to be able to just kiss him: she wants to do a lot more than that. He does too based on that thick erection pressing into her stomach.

One-handedly fumbling with the doorknob that locks with a click, he walk-stumbles back the three steps to the bed, turns, and deposits her atop the sheets. Toeing off his sneakers, the way you shouldn’t because it ruins the heels, he grabs the back of his t-shirt and pulls.

The only light in the room filters in through the closed plastic blinds. She’s seen him shirtless before, dozens of times. So, when he throws his t-shirt to the side and steps towards her, she shouldn’t suffer this Pavlovian response, mouth filling with saliva like he’s a damn meal. But she does. Her heart practically knocks against her chest at the thought of touching him.

The bed sags under his weight, as he crawls over her, easing her down into the pillows and caging her in with his arms.

“You good?” he asks.

“Yeah.” I am now, she thinks, since his mass pushes her into the mattress, satisfying some of that ache he’s triggered inside her.

Proximity is good too. It gives her the opportunity to run her hands over his chest down to where he narrows. His muscles twitch. His jeans are just low enough on his hips that she can see the v, the one that is practically an adult advertisement, she thinks with a lick of her bottom lip. He was skinnier back when she clung to him in the Lannister’s pool, and he didn’t have this path of hair above the fly of his jeans.

It’s sexy. Really sexy.

Her fingers curl into his waistband on either side of his fly. His pale skin is velvety. If she pops the button, she can find out what the rest of him feels like.

She frowns at the dip of his head, disappearing down her body and putting that brassy button out of her reach. It puts nearly all of him out of her reach, she realizes, letting her head rock back in frustration.

“What are you doing?”

Pushing her sweatshirt up around her armpits, he kisses above her navel. “Kissing you.”

The light rasp of the shadow of his beard on her skin and his lazy kisses paired with the tense hold he has on her hips sends waves of sensation out from between her restless legs. His mouth marks a path over her stomach--lower--and her hips cant.

She screws up her face. This isn’t like her. She’s a little actress in bed, but in her most enthusiastic, male ego boosting performances, she’s always been more reserved.

“What should I be doing?”

“Oh my God,” she says, twining her fingers in his hair.

Like she could actually bring herself to say? She can picture a couple. His head between her legs, for one, but she doesn’t say stuff like that out loud.

“Sans,” he says, all raspy and low, his breath ghosting over her damp skin. “What did Asha say to you?”

She chokes on a laugh, because that’s not something she really wants to admit, as he works his way up her body to kiss over her bra. All she can see is the mop of his faintly curling hair, as his mouth closes over her nipple, hot and wet through the lace. Her knees bend, drawing up at the spike of pleasure.

“Hmmm?” he hums, peeling back the cup of her bra with his teeth.

Giddiness bubbles up in her chest. Oh, what the hell. “Uh, that you’d rock my world actually.”

He raises his head enough for his eyes to meet hers. His gaze is oddly dull before he rubs his chin between the valley of her breasts. “No pressure, huh?”

“Seems promising so far.” She ruffles his hair and bites back a grin.

There’s just a glint of white at the crooked upturn of his mouth, as he twists his head and scrubs the back of his neck. She’s always teased Jon a little, but this kind of teasing is so much better.

“There are condoms in the pink bag over there,” she says with a lift of her chin towards the cracked veneer dresser on the far wall.

She saw them in Jeyne’s cosmetic bag, when it tipped over, spilling its contents, as she was fiddling with her charger in the outlet.

“Yeah?” His brows draw together. The furrows make him look more like the Jon she’s accustomed to, all guarded and sullen. You’d think she’d offended him, instead of suggesting they have sex.

Yes, she’s really suggesting they steal Robb’s girlfriend’s condoms.

“Look, I don’t want you to think we have to.”

“I know.” She reaches up to smooth her fingertips over those dark brows. Whatever niggling uncertainty, she can erase it. “Don’t you want to?”

If he’d pull back, she would die right here of mortification, but he shifts his weight up and over her, not away. He cradles her cheek in his hand. “Sans.”

She turns her face, bringing herself nose to nose with him. It makes his eyes look huge. “Okay, well, I do too.” Seductive might be the better choice, but all she can manage is a light little chirp. “You don’t like... think I’m a virgin, right?”

A red flush spreads up his neck and he looks over at some spot beyond her ear. After a long pause, he huffs against her forehead, presses a kiss that’s painfully sweet there, and swings off the bed to pad over to the dresser. It’s a small bag, so there’s not much searching necessary to retrieve the silver foil square, which he brings back and tosses on the bed beside her.

"In case,” he says, as she sits up in the bed and reaches for his jeans.

Right. In case, Sansa thinks, as she pops that button.

Other people in her family are known for being stubborn, but she’s just as stubborn as any of them. She’s just more adept at persuasion, which means she’s going to turn this beach week thing into something more. Turn it into a summer. Turn it into whatever she wants.

She wants him.

When he kicks free of his jeans and boxers, there’s no denying he looks good. He’s got the kind of cock Marg would wax poetic about, which makes her cheeks go pink too, because she’s staring, fully dressed at Jon’s naked body like a pervert.

Only one way to fix that, she figures, but he stops her when her hands go for the ribbing at the bottom of her sweatshirt. “Let me.”

Her head and arms pull free of the sweatshirt, and once he’s nudged her back into the bed, she lifts her hips to shimmy her shorts down.

“Cold?” he asks, snatching up the sheet and ballooning it up over them before she can respond.

The goosebumps are partly from the cool night air, partly his hand skimming her side. That and the slow way he kisses her again, teasing her lips apart and licking into her mouth. She spreads her legs, letting him settle into the cradle of her hips. The pressure of him there heightens her impatience, and she urges him in closer with a hand to the small of his back.

He rubs against her and she answers back with a matching roll of her hips. The head of his cock doesn’t hit where she needs, but she chases the feeling, rocking with him, following his rhythm.

His hand slides down her side again, pausing at her hip, as she shifts, trying to rub against him again.

“I want to touch you.”

She nods. Yes, she wants those long fingers on her, in her.

He pushes the thin cotton of her panties aside. There’s no fumbling, no awkward game of seek and find. The air leaves her chest in a rush at the wet slide of his fingers over her and then to the center of all her spiraling need.

“Christ,” he curses. His elbow slips on the pillow and he makes a low, urgent sound. “I wish I’d asked you out before.”

“Before?” she says, trying hard not to whine, as his thumb tightens its circle and one and then two fingers curl into her.

Bracing himself alongside her, the sheet slides down his back, and his eyes go from hers to what he’s doing like he can’t decide what he wants to watch most.

Before. Before. Before Harry?

Her thighs squeeze around his hand, trembling. If he keeps this up, she’s going to come around his fingers.

“Why didn’t you?”

Why? When they could have been doing this?

It’s a bit of a pretzel, but she tries to work her hand around his arm to reach him, so he can feel like this too. He blocks her with a nudge of his elbow.

“I will come all over you if you do that,” he warns, and her heart skips hard.

Slipping his hand free of her, he grabs for the discarded condom packet.

She instantly misses his touch, throbs with the absence, and her legs fidget purposelessly on either side of where he sits back on his haunches. She has to actually bite back a command to hurry up.

It’s not the first time she’s been eager to get to this point--with a boyfriend. Sex is easy to romanticize. The problem is, it’s never turned out so great in practice.

Please let this be different, because all she can think about is Jon moving inside her. Now.

He tears the packet open with his eyeteeth. Well, he’s hurrying, but that’s not the safest thing to do, smoothly accomplished or not. Really smooth, almost practiced.

No, she won’t think about Asha or that other girlfriend of his--the redhead--as he pinches the tip and rolls it down. What was her name? Yvette?

His eyes find hers. “Would you have said yes?” he asks, brows raised and mouth in a flat line, as he grabs himself at the base of his bobbing cock.

Dear God. “I don’t know.”

She’s not sure if that’s an honest answer or just what came out given the circumstances. Her brain is seriously scrambled right now.

But it doesn’t much matter, when he grips her hips and drags her half a foot down the bed towards him. The tip of his cock brushes where she’s slick and ready and he bears down. Just the head, and then more, working his way inside of her.

A warm flush starts low on her belly and spreads up her chest with the steady stretch of her body. His jaw is tense, breathing tight with restraint. Watching him like this, holding back and framed by the slatted light from the window, it’s not what she needs.

He’s too far away. Stretching out an arm, she clutches at his shoulder and hauls him down. Falling forward, the angle where their bodies meet changes. He bottoms out inside her.

He freezes at the hitch in her breathing.

“Oh, fuck.” Weight supported by his one forearm, the fingers of his other hand go taut, flexing against her thigh. “I hurt you?” he asks.

Her hands map his shoulders, down his side to grip his ass. “No. It’s good,” she says, rocking up into him.

Intimacy didn’t sound appealing at all, when Marg suggested a harmless little hookup. Sansa didn’t trust guys; didn’t trust herself.

But Jon wouldn’t hurt her. He’s not built like that. She’s safe and wanted and he’s moving inside of her so slow and deep that she can’t help her head lifting off the pillow.

“Oh God,” she repeats endlessly in whispery pants.

His hand threads into her hair, anchoring at the base of her skull. “You feel so good,” he puffs out in agreement.

And then he’s kissing her again along her neck, behind her ear, taking her earlobe in his mouth and between his teeth. Tingly swells of pleasure build in her belly at each long stroke and meeting of their bodies.

She wants to tell him it’s okay, that he can lose control--it would make her feel powerful to make him lose control--but she’s lost to speech, when his hand fits between them. The slippery tension he builds is too good. She pulls her leg up higher, shifting him inside of her and making more room for the play of his fingers over her.

His mouth misses hers, his hips breaking rhythm, as she scrapes her nails over his ass. “Don’t stop,” she manages to whimper, circling her hips, trying to fight against his shallow, erratic movements. He can’t come before she does; she needs this.

“I won’t. I’m not. Just... fuck,” he says, rolling his hips harder. His eyes lock with hers, pupils blown wide, lips parted. “I want you to come. With me inside you.”

Almost. Almost.

She comes hard. It’s blinding, it roars in her ears and bows her body around him. She wants to croak out something--oh my God would be appropriate--but she can’t form words, only groan as he drives into her and she comes around him. All she can do is cling to him, as he swallows her noises with a sloppy kiss and fucks her in shallow quick, slow deep pumps.

Peeling one arm from around him, he knits their fingers and stretches their clasped hands above her head. He says her name, face contorted and the tendons in his neck strung tight. His last thrust slams into her, and he collapses.

She can feel his heart, pounding, and his labored breath stirs the damp hair at her temples. He feels good, sinking her into the mattress. She doesn’t want him to move. Maybe ever.

She squeezes his hand, a silent message; he squeezes back.

Part 4

#jonsa #jon x sansa #actually jonsa #gotfic #fanfic #game of thrones

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changeling-rin · 4 years

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It's fairly easy to tell with most of the guys, but I've been wondering: what kinds of things are Lore afraid of? How does he react when he's forced to face those things?

Oh! @ask-the-dimensional-links did a thing on this! Give me a minute, I’ll go and dig up that post-

Click Here To Read It

Also, I went back through my message history and found the original thoughts I sent them regarding that Ask in the first place. However, it is long, and I have recently figured out how to stop spamming people with novel-length posts, so! The LONG answer shall be under the cut ;)

(But if you don’t want to read the whole thing I’ll put Lore’s in bold so you can just skip to it)

((For greatest fears… well, honestly I’ve only addressed this a couple times, because most of my interpretation of being the Holder of Courage means that said Holder isn’t afraid of a ton of stuff. That said, I have tried to give each Link something that they ARE afraid of, if only because Courage also means overcoming your fear and doing the thing anyway. I probably haven’t mentioned them all in-story because not all of them came up through natural events or dialogue, but hey, now I can! Gen is afraid of spiders. I did this because, in his game, they’re freaking enormous and have a nasty habit of dropping out of absolutely flipping nowhere, landing on his head, and proceeding to try and eat him then and there. Granted, the spiders in Twilight Princess can be equally large, but you can usually see them coming. Plus, Dusk has very sharp teeth and that quick-time event thing with Midna and her magic, so he’s much better equipped to take them out swiftly whereas Gen has to stab the thing and usually get spider guts on himself too.Speck worries about getting stepped on. One of the very first things he learned about being small is that almost nobody pays attention to you, and they certainly don’t pay attention to where they’re walking. Most of the time he uses this to his advantage, like his fighting style. But he always makes sure to keep to corners and to walk in places where he can’t easily be spotted, because getting crushed to death by an unobservant human sounds absolutely terrifying.The Four don’t like being alone. It’s something that’s developed more in relation to the more time they spend together; there’s something really intimate about sharing thoughts the way they do, and they’re a little bit worried about how they’re going to handle it all when they have to put the Four Sword back. To them, noise means people and people mean life and warmth and laughter and a bunch of other good stuff. Their hive-mind means that they’ve always got each other, but especially now that they’ve gotten used to having ten-plus siblings around, being alone just sounds so… lonely.Ocarina is scared that he can’t measure up. It’s a lot of pressure, to take a nine-year-old boy and tell him, “Hey, you gotta save the world.” Now, though, he’s in a body that he’s still getting used to (he never had the opportunity to grow into it, after all), and there’s a future version of himself hanging around who’s confident and cocky and everything Ocarina’s not. He’s afraid that Mask might look at him one day and say, ‘You’ll never be me. You’re not enough.’ Common sense, of course, tells him that this is obviously never going to happen, because otherwise that would be a massive paradox and plus Mask just isn’t that kind of person, but fear isn’t exactly rational.Mask got over that whole inferiority thing a looooong time ago, but now he’s got a new issue: he can’t stand being left behind. Not in the kind of ‘You’re too slow’ way, but in the 'people move on without him’ way. It started when Princess Zelda sent him back to his child years (without actually consulting him on it, might I add), and suddenly here he is with all these memories surrounded by all these people who have no idea what he’s been through. Mask would have much rather continued as he was, with the people who shared the experience with him. Then Navi left, for reasons he’s still trying to figure out, and he literally left the country and went to a new one searching for her. This is part of the reason why he resonates with the Skull Kid; they’ve both got the same fear.Neither of them are very fond of Dead Hands, though. Dusk doesn’t like losing people - at all. He’s so protective that the idea of one of the people he values getting hurt terrifies him. After all, what did he do when his adoptive brother got kidnapped? (That’s Colin, by the way.) And what did he do when Colin nearly got tossed off a bridge by King Bulblin? He went nuts on the guy. Same thing when Speck almost got crushed. He’s a wolf, and the pack means everything to him. He’s going to fight until he literally can’t anymore to keep anything from happening to his family.Vio, Blue, Red, and Green each have a diluted version of Link’s original fear, because they’re one personality split across four bodies. Basically, Link hates being the person who screwed up. The reason that Vaati is free in the first place was because he drew the Four Sword, breaking the seal and letting the sorcerer loose. (If you’d like, the Blue in him outweighed the Vio and instead of thinking of other ways to rescue the Princess, he went for the immediate option.) In a roundabout way, the whole mess is his fault (or at least he thinks it’s his fault), and he’ll do anything to make sure it doesn’t happen again. For his four split selves, this manifests into a general desire to not be the person in the group to botch the timing on a combat plan and to have their teamwork, at least, be smoothly-running.Lore, for a while, didn’t think he had a fear. Then he met the group and he abruptly realized, that, yes, he actually does. Lore’s afraid of rejection, that one day these people that he’d come to regard as family will say 'That’s it, we’re done, you’re too weird and we can’t cope with it.’ He actually reigned himself in, at first, just a little bit, because he liked these people and he wanted to stick around and for some reason, the idea of them looking at him in apprehension and confusion the way most other people did bothered him. He’s let loose by now, obviously, because he knows that none of them are going anywhere and neither is he, but it’s just one of those things that comes up in a bad dream every once in a while and always ends with him spending the rest of the night awake.Sketch has a straight-up phobia of water. I’ve covered this one fairly in-depth in the story, I believe, so I won’t reiterate it too much. But Sketch is always going to look at the ocean differently than the rest of the group will, because The Rain Incident is never too far in his mind.Realm is secretly afraid that one day, he’s going to get lost on his way to save somebody and by the time he finally gets there it’ll be too late. Or, that he’ll lose his sword and be unable to fend off an attack, or lose his shield and be unable to defend someone. This is why he never stops trying to find whichever item he misplaced or whichever location he lost track of this time. He’s going to get there whether it takes him two weeks or not, because the alternative isn’t an option. He’s better nowadays, because somehow hanging with the group cuts his travel time by about eighty percent and he still can’t believe that it’s normal for people to get where they’re going in less than a week, but it’s awesome and he’s not complaining one bit.Wind is afraid to lose. Not exactly in the traditional sense, but more like he’s terrified of what will happen if he fails. What would have happened to Aryll if he’d failed to save her after she’d gotten kidnapped? What would have happened to Tetra if he’d failed to get her out of Ganondorf’s hands? What would happen to her now if he fails to find Bellum? And, the current one, what will happen to existence if they fail to stop Demise? (I guess he’s afraid of the Game Over scenario, heh.)Steam never says anything about it, but he sometimes sees things that nobody else does and they freak the living daylights out of him. He’s started suspecting that there’s some form of spirit world sharing the space with their physical one. He’s learned to ignore it, for the most part, although being able to see it did come in really handy when Zelda lost her body. Unfortunately, that led him to think that he’s seeing the afterlife, and that was just uncomfortable.

Shadow likes to pretend that he doesn’t have a fear and he gets away with it too, because what he’s actually afraid of never actually occurred to anybody else. Which is funny, because he’s actually really obvious about it. He doesn’t like sunlight. Kinda like Sketch and his water phobia, Shadow’s afraid of sunlight because it hurts. He’s never tempted fate to see what would happen, but judging by the smoke that starts coming off his hair he doesn’t think he wants to find out. Hence the cloak he wears, and why he’s always under a shady tree somewhere.Oni dislikes the idea of losing his legacy. He’s the very first Hero, after all, he’s gotta protect his kids. Plus, if they’re gone, who’s gonna beat up the evil that pops up all the time? He’s like the formal older brother/father who’s actually an enraged momma bear if you manage to trigger his fear.))

#Changeling Answers #Greatest Fears #Whoo boy it's a long one again #The DL Links #Dimensional Links

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aplaceforthesoul · 4 years

Text

Anonymous submitted:

for tash again pls from https://aplaceforthesoul.tumblr.com/post/620183874016870400/anonymous-submitted-from

i’m really sorry that i keep hammering on about this but some days im ok and i thought im getting over it but sometimes like today it all comes in waves and i’m overwhelmed with sadness and cry about it again and i dont know where else to turn because i dont really have friends and my family expected me to be over it.

i used to have a friend who is still working there (lets call her C). we bonded bcs we’re from the same country, on the same visa, and the same age, although she’s been working there longer than i have. our visas expire around the same time, and we both had spent a lot of time together worried about what to do about it (we wanted permanent residency, but it’s not easy) so we talked about maybe going to regional australia and study something else, maybe we’ll just return home, and we can live together. we bonded over how we were not getting paid, our toxic employers, etc.

C came to australia as a student, on her own, and started working at this restaurant years ago, when it once was a small takeaway shop, before it reopened in a bigger place - thats when i joined the team. in some way, the original boss had acted as a sort of maternal figure to C, who is obviously far away from her family, and she is also epileptic. so the boss had done things like fetch her to and from the airport, the clinic, advice for living in the country, etc. and somehow, in this employer’s twisted mind, she thinks it is then ok to treat C like free help for her shop rather than an employee because she had done all this for her. so instead of paying C properly, as well as paying her super and everything else an employer should do, she finds it ok to abuse C by paying her whenever she likes, screaming at her for not answering her phone, overworking her, etc.

and C has on numerous occasions complained to me about the abuse she went through. she clearly doesnt like the boss, as on numerous occasions she had brought up the idea of reporting the business, she complains about the work, not being paid and the difficulty it had caused her and flat out said doesnt like the working conditions. BUT. if u were to ask her about the NICE things the boss has done for her, she changes her tone. she boasts about the GOOD things the boss has done for her like the flowers for her birthday - the pictures of her holding the bouquet is her profile pic everywhere, and how the boss takes care of her during an epilepsy episode - (and then put her to work the next night.) i’ve always thought it was weird , but never questioned her more about it. soon after the fallout with the two bosses, i was on the phone with her. i was crying bc i was distressed about the change, and she said: “we are the children, and they are the adults. if the business fails, it fails. let them deal with it. we’ll just carry on our work."

we were talking everyday after that just before i realised i had gotten fired. our last conversation was in february, on the phone, when we were talking about hanging out after work. and suddenly, everything dropped. i realised i had been let go from work, and suspect that the boss had told C not to talk to me anymore. i know C had extended her visa by changing to a student visa, to study cooking, because the boss said she would sponsor her if she did that. she went to study with borrowed money from her family (since she isnt getting paid nearly enough to even pay her rent smh) which is something she told me she didnt want to do. like i dont understand that at all.

what a shit show huh.

now C is not returning my messages. in fact i saw her at the shopping mall just last week. my first instinct was to go up and speak to her, until she spotted me, stopped in her tracks, and went the other direction. i truly did not expect her to be the one to turn her back on me, after everything we’ve been through.

my visa is supposed to expire next month, but after the lockdown my family and i decided that it is the best decision to stay put in australia for the time being. so i applied for a visitor’s visa for a year. the form asked for proof that i had stopped working, in the form of payslips or contract, both of which i dont have, obviously. but i submitted it anyway so now im still waiting on my application.

it just baffles me how one bad employment and two incompetent bosses had fucked up my life this bad. i cant apply for anymore work in australia, so i have no income, the only other person who understood my situation is now gone, now im just waiting until its safe to leave the country. sitting at home, doing nothing but mulling over how i had lost my job, lost my best friend, lost the opportunity to do my masters, and leave the country i had lived in for this long.

im trying not to think about it anymore but its like half a year later and its still causing me grief but nobody knows or gets it.

anyway. sorry that this is long winded i just need to vent. you’re amazing tash, if only i could borrow your residency while you’re in the uk.

hey again <3 yeah getting permanent residency in australia is a nightmare, australia’s government is mostly anti-immigration which makes me sad.

I can honestly understand why you’re still thinking about this and being negatively impacted by it all, the job gave you hope of completing your masters and staying longer in the country? and hope is a very powerful emotion! to then have it all taken away in such a brutal and unfair and cruel way...well that would affect anyone pretty badly. add in the fact that the ending of the job has created a lot of other negative situations and distress? it makes a lot of sense about why you’re still upset over this.

this business needs to be reported, honestly what they’re doing is cruel and illegal. it’s quite clear that they are using the promise of sponsoring study as a way to manipulate vulnerable people into underpaid work, it’s also now very clear that they have no intention of following through on that promise -- it’s now become a pattern of behaviour if they did it with C as well as you. they shouldn’t be allowed to continue to operate and to profit off the backs of immigrants and illegal wages. you’re the one who’s suffered, it’s up to you whether you do want to do this? but I would think a lot about it -- I know you mentioned that your parents are close with the owners, but this isn’t ok.

I think all you can do now is put this behind you, accept the reality of the situation and try to be as kind to yourself as you can. spend time looking after yourself, practising self care, prioritising you and your well-being. maybe that means daily exercise and walks, or creating art (clay, painting, drawing?), or spending time gardening, or practising yoga / meditation, whatever works for you. as long as it’s calming and relaxing for you, and you find some measure of peace? then that’s what matters.

know that what happened to you wasn’t right, it wasn’t your fault at all. you were exploited and taken advantage of, and you didn’t deserve that. try to keep yourself busy as best as you can, take it one day at a time. make a conscious decision to work on letting this go and looking forward, see how things go. I think right now is the hardest bit, because you’re kinda stuck in limbo and there’s lockdown / social distancing measures to deal with too? but once you get moving again and things change, it may have a more positive impact on your mental health when you’re being kept busy again and you have a change of environment.

I’m glad you were able to vent and get this off your chest, I hope you’re able to find some peace and acceptance moving forward xxx

- tash

#advice #submission #australia #workplace #abuse #exploitation #stress

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famedroleplayarchive · 4 years

Photo

KANG SUNGHEE is the LEAD RAPPER of UNITY under DIMENSIONS ENTERTAINMENT. He was born on MARCH 5, 1998. He looks a little like HAN JISUNG (HAN) OF STRAY KIDS.

CHARACTER INFORMATION

faceclaim: han jisung (han), member of stray kids

legal name: kang sunghee

stage name: n/a

pronouns: he/him & they/them

birth date: march 5, 1998

hometown: shanghai, china

position: lead rapper and vocal of unity

claims: feature ; feeling - dimensions soloist 2

BIOGRAPHY

triggers: ableism

kang hyejin moves from busan to seoul with the sole intention of attending one of the countries’ best universities. it’s not just anyone who succeeds at getting a spot in the seoul national university, and she does so with praise and honors. her parents are reluctant to let her go, reluctant to allow their youngest daughter to be far from them for such a long time, but they know it’s the best they can do for her, the best future they can offer her. and so hyejin goes, with goals set in mind, with a big hope for what her career is going to become.

things don’t really go as planned.

for the first year, yes, she manages to keep her track record as clean as possible. her grades are high, her academic accomplishments higher, and, in a majorly male field, she manages to succeed. that is, until she meets kim sungki, on her second year at the university. he’s the very stereotype of the men parents warn their daughters against. older but not at all responsible, she falls for his charms, for his looks and for his words, faster than she thought it’d be possible. from there, her studies go downhill. hyejin starts skipping classes, something she had never done, and accepts recklessness into her life without caring for the consequences. she fights with her parents and gets invited to leave university as she stops bothering to attend anything whatsoever. moving in with sungki, hyejin is forced to take odd jobs here and there, but she’s in love – or at least she believes this is love – and that’s all that matters to her.

getting pregnant was not in her plans, but very little things were and they ended up happening anyway. hyejin is scared but excited – sungki seems happy enough for her not to question the glances he’ll throw her way, his reluctance whenever he’s supposed to follow her somewhere. those are all easy to ignore once she falls in love with her baby boy at the first ultrasound consult. she spends months lost in the bubble of happiness she’s created for herself, one that only grows bigger and stronger as soon as sunghee is brought into the world. he’s so small in her arms, even more so in his father’s arms, and hyejin is nothing but content as she lies down on the hospital bed.

the bubble bursts, eventually. at first, it’s when sunghee’s baek-il arrives and he still hasn’t met his grandparents or either of his uncles. alongside that, she notices the way sungki distances himself. she has to ask for him to give their child the time of day, and his fuse gets shorter and shorter. they fight, sunghee’s piercing scream a match for their loud tones as they shout angry words at each other. the frustration only builds and the moments of reprieve are almost non-existent. the bills are, too, much bigger than either of them can pay with their odd jobs, especially with how hyejin can’t work as much because of sunghee. she goes to sleep with tears in her eyes more often than not, exhausted beyond measure, only to be awoken by a fragile child who doesn’t know any better.

it all comes to an end when hyejin wakes up and sungki is nowhere to be found. she thinks to wait until the end of the day to get worried, hoping it’s because he’s found a well paying job, but those thoughts are erased upon she notices the lack of his clothes. every small belong of his is gone, and there’s not a single note left. the father of her child abandons her on a tuesday morning and it takes her until the evening to muster the courage to call her parents.

hyejin’s father as well as one of her brothers drive up to seoul the next morning. there’s not much they can do other than help her pack all the essentials and shove them into the truck of their respective cars. they can’t hide the shock at meeting sunghee, neither of them even being aware of his existence, but much like hyejin, they fall in love immediately with the blabbering child who’s, at the same time, overjoyed and shy, hiding his face on his mother’s neck as she carries him around.

she doesn’t look back as they leave behind all the dreams she’s ever had and the place where she was forced to let them go.

ii.

for the first three years of his life, sunghee spends most of his time with his grandmother.

his uncle owns a bookstore where his mother starts working at once they move to busan. she takes the most shifts out of anyone who works there, her subtle way of trying to compensate for leaving them behind the way she had. it means she has less time with sunghee, but considering they spend their evenings together, the two of them sharing hyejin’s childhood bedroom, she considers the sacrifice worth it.

at first, sunghee is reluctant to let anyone of the family other than his mom to so much as touch him. he’s fussy, which is not something hyejin had expected, since he had always been such a happy and cuddly baby. eventually he takes to his grandmother, who’s filled with so much patience and care for him that it’s inevitable he’d love her as much as she loves him. and happy he is, a small ball of energy that learns how to speak fast and run faster. he babbles, tries to join conversations even when he doesn’t have the words or the understanding for it. sunghee is their sunshine, the most precious aspect of their lives, and hyejin finds that she doesn’t regret her choices as much, not when she has him.

she doesn’t expect to find love again, but she does. this time, it’s by accident. just another client at the bookstore – one that was, admittedly, pretty handsome, in a way that had her and her sister in law whispering as he walks around. when she goes to help him, he has an accent, one that lets her know he’s not from south korea, but he pronounces his words elegantly. hyejin wouldn’t have to be smarter than she is to know he comes from money. she had expected him to treat her flippantly, or at the very least with some form of disdain, but he’s nothing but charming and sweet. he leaves with a promise of coming back.

and coming back he does. conveniently, whenever hyejin is working. he introduces himself to her as yao jiongmin, indeed a rich business man from shanghai, who’s spending a year in busan working at their local office. the more he visits her, the more she’s charmed by him. inevitably, jiongmin invites her out on a date and hyejin is only a little bit reluctant to accept. she’s been down this road before, she knows, but she’s still a romantic at heart and it’s hard to tell him no when he looks at her the way he does.

they fall in love. he doesn’t seem to mind she has a son, even when sunghee spends most of their first meeting hidden behind his mother’s legs and refusing to say a word to the man.

they get married less than a year later. hyejin’s parents, even more so than her, are at first scared that it’s going to be a repeat of sungki. that she’s going to leave only to have her heart broken by this older man. however, there’s some reassurance to be found at the fact that not only is jiongmin accomplished and successful in a way sungki never was, he’s offering marriage, not just a unstable relationship.

yet again, hyejin moves away from her childhood home to a place where her future lays. a different one, yeah, but one she looks forward to nonetheless.

iii.

after being taken care of by his family until his current age of four, sunghee, going by shengxi, is put in kindergarten within months of their move. it’s not hyejin’s first option, but since jiongmin works and her husband had insisted she went back to studying, she’d rather have her son learning how to socialize than to keep him at home with people looking after him. it’s expected the sunghee would feel reluctant to speak to others at first, especially since he barely knows the language, but jiongmin had assured her they’d find a place where at least one of the carers spoke korean, to make the language learning easier to him.

still, months pass and sunghee retreats further into himself. hyejin’s told about it but is reassured that it’s normal behavior and he’ll feel more comfortable once communicating becomes easier to him. when sunghee’s fifth birthday comes and goes and his behavior doesn’t seem to change, concerns are raised. not only he refuses to socialize with others around him, he takes to playing with himself completely, quickly getting tired of everything he starts, and seems to have lost some of the skills he had already learned by the time they moved to shanghai. at home, he’s impulsive and prone to random bursts of emotions that leave both hyejin and jiongmin confused. after one too many days of sunghee playing silently with one single toy, to the point of crying whenever it’s taken away from him, the caretakers suggest hyejin takes him to see a specialized doctor. with jiongmin busy as he always is during the day, hyejin has no other option but to take her month old daughter with her.

terrified that there’s something wrong with her child, hyejin watches as the doctor speaks to sunghee quietly, having handed him some crayons and papers that he happily draws on. his answers are short hums, as if he’s only half paying attention to the woman, who’s kind to him. it takes a couple of exams and a few more visits to the doctor for a diagnosis to be offered. jiongmin is with her when they are told sunghee most likely has both adhd and asd. they are reassured of their concerns when it comes to whether those are consequences of how he was raised, as well as the best course of treatment. since he’s young, they are told, sunghee can test out the best course of treatment in order to make life as easy for him to deal with as possible, and that he’ll grow up well, especially if his parents try their best to be supportive of him.

as it’s suggested, sunghee tries out several different types of therapies and therapists until they find one that is just right for him, one that helps with the vast majority of the symptoms. slowly, he goes back to speaking, learning mandarin and shanghainese with as much ease as he had learned korean. he regains the basic skills he had started losing, learns mechanisms to better handle his emotions as well as conversations and social interactions. sunghee had surprisingly taken to his sister well and, when his brother is born, their connection comes even faster. he’s deeply attached to both his siblings, working the role of the older brother like it was meant for him. with other kids and strangers, his reluctance to get close is visible and transparent, and he still struggles with making friends, but he learns way to make it easier.

music helps. it’s a suggestion by one of the therapists, that maybe learning an instrument will be good to him. there’s half the chance that sunghee won’t be interested at all and, thus, it would be a pointless pursuit, but they can try. he’s given a handful of options, paths he can follow, instruments to choose. they are surprised when he picks the guzheng, even more so when he takes to it as if he was born to do it. they were warned of the possibility of hyperfixation to a level of it being unhealthy to him, but sunghee practices it because he loves it and stops when he must. it’s added to his square routine, eventually joined by the liuqin as well as the guitar.

iv.

sunghee grows as he’s supposed to, the mechanisms from therapy indeed making life that bit easier to him, to the point where he’s back to being the joyful child he was as a baby. as much support as he’s given, hyejin doesn’t fail to notice when jiongmin grows distant from sunghee. there are two younger children for him to care about – kids he wasn’t even supposed to have, in the first place, but money hadn’t been an issue and there’s a lot you can get away with when you have as much as he does – so hyejin tries not to mind. she knows sunghee is everything jiongmin does not want for an heir, starting from his average grades. every moment he should spend studying is instead spent practicing, or with his siblings. jiongmin tries to forbid sunghee from playing his instruments until his grades are better but hyejin sets her foot down and reminds him that sunghee needs it more than he needs grades.

it’s a given that sunghee is not in the run to be the future owner of the family’s real estate business. even he notices it, at one point, how the expectations slowly go from him to his younger brother, even when the boy is nothing but a small child. having become fiercely protective of both his siblings, sunghee reaches the point of fighting with his step father about it when he’s only ten, which serves to only push them further away from each other. hyejin watches not knowing what to do, refusing to fight her husband or her child over this and knowing she’d have to eventually suffer the consequences of this choice.

the strained relationship with his step father has sunghee finding forms of escapism. he’s already prone to those but he ends up searching for more, ones that go beyond the instruments he plays and the anime he watches relentlessly. it’s how sunghee stumbles upon kpop. inevitably being raised tri-lingual, sunghee easily learns what to search for. decipher’s replay is one of the first music videos he watches and from there he looks further and further, until he’s using his mother’s credit card to buy albums from the most various kpop groups and artists. he goes from kpop to korean hip hop artists and from there to western hip hop. sunghee falls in love with all of those, some more than the others, but all of them in their own way.

up until then, he had been floating, knowing there wasn’t anything in particular he wishes to do with his life eventually other than be around for his siblings and playing his instruments. even though the thought has crossed his mind in the past, auditioning for companies comes as a most definitely impulsive decision.

the summer after sunghee turns fourteen, he sees a few announcements for auditions to the big three companies that would be happening in shanghai. it doesn’t matter that he is perhaps too young for it because he’s already set on going. sunghee can’t walk in without someone responsible and he knows very well that neither of his parents would want to accompany him. instead, sunghee elects the help of an older cousin, someone who understands sunghee’s passion for music better than anyone else. and off he goes, his cousin driving him to and from the auditions, taking the guzheng, the liuqin and the guitar with him because sunghee knows he’d need to have something extra to offer. he tries for bc and gold star first, rapping in both his auditions. even though there is some degree of them being impressed with his skills in all three instruments and his not at all bad rapping, bc doesn’t think his visuals were quite up to their standards and gold star fails at finding any type of star power in him. discouraged, sunghee stills goes to dimensions’ audition. neither of the facts that had stopped him from joining bc and gold star come up, and dimensions seems interested enough in his rapping and his skills with instruments to give him a chance.

sunghee is… surprised, to say the least. as much as he had hoped, he doesn’t expect to actually get in, especially after being easily dismissed by the two companies before dimensions. he’s overjoyed but his happiness simmers when he realizes this mean he’s going to have to tell his parents. it’s inevitable, he had known that, if by some miracle he had gotten in, he’d have to talk to them about it.

hyejin says no, as sunghee knew she would. jiongmin says nothing, as sunghee had also known he would, yet sunghee reckons his step father disapproves of his decision, much like he’d have disapproved of anything that didn’t align exactly with the expectations jiongmin has of him. sunghee cries, sobs, begs, for once letting go of all the restraint he had to learn, and throws the mother of all tempter tantrums. it’s not even purposeful – sunghee is not used to be told no because there’s not much he asks for in the first place, his parents jumping in to give him what he needs before he so much as has to think about it.

there’s only so much of her son crying that hyejin can take and, after an entire day of it, she goes from no to how are we going to do this? if jiongmin disapproves, he doesn’t voice his opinion and sunghee can’t read his expressions or understand the nuances of his tone when he speaks to know the overall idea of what his step father is thinking. hyejin calls sunghee’s doctors – that had since been reduced from a team to only two – and is reassured that, wherever he goes, he can still consult with them through video and phone calls. they also let her know that, if he needs someone in person, there are always people they can recommend who would be happy to treat him.

another concern that arises is who sunghee is going to stay with, as hyejin refuses to let him live in a dorm with people he doesn’t know. it’s already going to be stressful enough as it is, she knows, and if he’s set on doing this, she doesn’t want it to be worse. she calls her brother, the one who had moved to seoul only five years prior, and he’s more than eager to receive sunghee for as long as he needs to stay around.

just like that, the matter is resolved. sunghee cries before he leaves, arms wrapped tightly around his siblings. the love he has for them is not one he understands, and there’s a never ending ache in his heart when he realizes that he’s not going to be able to see them as often as he’d like to. the hug he gets from his step-father doesn’t last long and that on itself manages to break his heart a bit. his mother flies with him to seoul, sticks around for almost two weeks when she originally was only going in order to sign the papers for his contract. sunghee cries the hardest when she leaves as he’s still in the process of getting settled and everything still feels foreign enough that it terrifies him a lot.

vi.

training is… it’s hard. sunghee is thrown completely out of his axis and the only saving grace is that trainee life has a routine even more strict than the one he had in the past. it still takes him a while to adjust to it and, wasn’t for his uncle and aunt, he knows it would’ve been impossible for him to settle properly. within the first month sunghee manages to make three different trainers mad at him, for various reasons, and words are thrown at him that sunghee is glad he doesn’t understand. after the third time, his aunt convinces sunghee to be honest to the company about his diagnosis. the boy is reluctant because he doesn’t want to either be defined by it or have them going easy on him because of it, but she insists that they are going to need to find out eventually.

his aunt goes with him when he tells them and whereas he’s worried they might kick him out because of it, he’s only asked about his treatment. the woman does most of the talking, explaining the details of his diagnosis and insisting that none of them make it impossible for sunghee to be a good trainee, but that there are still things to be taken into consideration with their treatment of him.

notes are taken and given to his trainers. the majority of them change the way they treat him, in subtle ways that sunghee doesn’t even notice beyond his trainee life becoming slightly easier to deal with. whoever doesn’t, at least avoids yelling at him as much as they do everybody else. it helps that sunghee is genuinely dedicated to what he’s doing. on his worst days, he’s not willing to talk much and his attention span is even more out of it than usual, but sunghee still tries. for once he’s allowed himself to have a dream, to hope for something, to want to become better at things he hadn’t even thought about before, and he puts in the necessary effort.

vii.

sunghee doesn’t expect to be offered a spot in unity when he does. he’s barely turned seventeen and he knows there are other trainees who are better than him, especially when it comes to dancing. definitely not one to question a decision that will be beneficial to him, sunghee takes it gladly. he’s even more surprised when they offer for him to contribute with the lyrics for unity’s debut song, the 7th sense. sunghee is thrilled to be able to do something he loves, to be given opportunities when he thought he wouldn’t get them at all.

an introvert at heart, the actual debut is a bigger challenge than what he had expected but one he faces head high. surrounded by members he’s known long enough to feel comfortable, sunghee allows for his excitable personality to shine through whenever unity attends variety shows and he gains a considerable fanbase because of that.

overall, sunghee is content with where unity is. their ever growing fanbase and international appeal terrifies him a bit, as none of them are certain of what can come from it.

#fmdfollow #dimensionsentertainment #unity #champion

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eirian-houpe · 4 years

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What the Actual Fuck! - Chapter 4

Fandom: Cobra (TV 2019), Once Upon a Time (TV)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Relationships: Belle (Once Upon a Time)/Robert Sutherland (Cobra)

Characters: Robert Sutherland (Cobra), Belle (Once Upon a Time), Neville (OC) Anna Marshall (Cobra)

Additional Tags: Angst, Betrayal, Extramarital Affairs, Politics, Drama, Eventual Smut, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Violence, Explicit Language, UST, Adding to this list when necessary

Summary: Prime Minister Robert Sutherland is feeling pressured, and isn't prepared to acquiesce to the repeated challenges from within his cabinet nor the wider circle of those around him. He resorts to drastic measures to ascertain who can be trusted, turning to an 'old friend' to help him separate the wheat from the chaff. Said friend promises to send in his best operative to assist the PM, the trouble is the operative finds out more than Robert necessarily wants to know, and all this just as all hell is breaking loose around him; people hurt, Britain in chao and multiple deaths push him into making some hard hitting decisions in order to safeguard himself, the country, and the people he cares about.