#carried her through many a street fight when she was still feared on the streets of night city back in the day

[silverselfshippingchaos]

I just know that Ash pulling one of these would drive S.eifer nuts in the best way possible

#ash rambles 💚 #your knight until the end 🤍 #this post has nothing to do with l.eon btw i just like cool gun animations #for context. my f.f8 s/i is a gunslinger! and a damn good one at that! #shes also a very goofy young adult/teenager throughout the game so theres a lot of segments of her getting really excited and just infodum #ping about her beloved guns. you see s.quall go 'you think that shes a cool and responsible honors student. shes actually just an idiot' #ash's guns are her most precious thing. she loves them both so much and built them herself and when shes not training or studying #shes usually cleaning them. s.eifer is all ??? and honestly he doesnt really get her fucking obsession (he asks once and she says that #theyre hotter than he is whatever that means) #but you know what s.eifer does know??? that a woman with a gun is attractive and that he loves seeing how well ash can handle her weapons #it feels him with this sense of pride #hes all 'fuck yeah. thats all mine.' #although. uh. he's well aware that her guns pack a punch! shout out to that one time she shot him! haha! #... they werent always friends you see- #if it makes it better. ash has a giant scar on her back from s.eifer's sword #i have a lot of s/is that fight but not all of them feel so passionately about their weapons #f.f8 ash... I'm slightly concerned about her love for her guns- whatever makes you happy ash! #although. well. shes been in Mercenary Academy since she was a literal kid. shes a little fucked up- f.inal f.antasy viii is fun i swear #anyhow #c.yberpunk ash comes close with her love for her gun! if you do her sidequest she gives it to you! a pistol she calls Ashes and Dust #carried her through many a street fight when she was still feared on the streets of night city back in the day #anyways what was the point of this post lol i started rambling #yeah! s.eifer thinks a woman that can kick his ass is super hot! #me too! i think that too!

[azlrse]

Hi azalea! I see that u still do crk requests, im so excited to request smth!!!(it’s my first time btw)

May I request a golden cheese cookie x reader cookie dating fanfic? (Im fangirling her too much welp;-;)

It would be really nice if u take this request, love your works so much!!!🩷🩷✨✨✨

-anon💘💘

➳ anguish (a golden cheese cookie x gn!cookie!reader oneshot)

cw: pure angst, chapter 17 spoilers, major character death & spousal loss

a/n: I heed into 💘 anon's request but make it painful and a bit of angst here and there ;))

There is a time where the kingdom of gold itself isn't in a land of misery and emptiness. Streets bussing into pleasantries from other cookies to the screams of happiness from the little cookies who played within the kingdoms streets. To some, it's a nuisance to have such noise as early in the early rays of sunlight spreading through the parmesan dessert. But to some, like you and your wife, it's like a melody ringing through your heads as you both watched it's streets from the above.

Before you became Golden Cheese's spouse, you deeply admired her, not only as a ruler but also a model towards the younger cookies of her kingdom; her leadership, her strong sense of responsibility towards her people, her stubbornness and the definite model for beauty and brains. Out of all of her features, her wings are the most beautiful feature she has; a symbol of her high status and the highest form of being within her kingdom.

She loved it when you always compliment her wings, pride swelling off her chest. In fact, you still remembered the time when she carries you into the skies on your wedding night.

Many would say that the marriage is arranged, yes. Considering that you are just a mere guard who protected the young cheesebirds who are still in the process into becoming stronger like their kind but to the both of you, it's a marriage filled with so much love and happiness. A marriage that you wished for every single cookie of your wife's kingdom would flourish as many young lovers partake of your words of wisdom and guidance (about how to achieve the kind of love your wife has for you).

Life is a bliss within the Golden Cheese Kingdom....

Until the war broke out which sent your people into a state of panic. Fear and Scarcity aroses as many cookie tend to store previous goods in their homes. Children are crying, clinging into their parents and loved ones as they reassured the little ones that their warrior queen will protect them all. This is the time Golden Cheese sensed that both you and her precious cookies are in dire need of protection from Dark Enchantress's forces of evil.

The solution?

She needs to leave the kingdom's walls and fight alongside with the other rulers of various kingdoms on EarthBread.

You became scared for your wife. You pleaded, begged for her to not leave you and even offered to join her in her battle. She declined the offer, saying that she could not bare the thought of you getting injured within the hands of Dark Enchantress Cookie or worse.

"I need someone to watch over the kingdom while I am gone, my jewel. The cookies need you more than ever." She spoke, wiping your tears from your now reddened face. "I am just scared, Golden Cheese." This made the queen's heart break but by bit as she heard your fading voice that is laced with sadness and worry. "Scared of what, Reader Cookie?" You looked into her eyes, calming down for a bit upon seeing the soft look on her face. "I am scared for the cookies, the kingdom, the gold and for you. I am scared for you, my queen." You cried, gripping into her hand. "What if you don't come back? What if you became nothing but bits of crumbs left from your body? What if-" Words are cut off as soon as she hugged you tightly as possible, knowing that time is limited when such crisis is coming.

"You do not need to fear for my wellbeing, darling. For I will return victorious and we'll from this battle." She continues. "Rest assured that we'll have a picnic as a way to celebrate our anniversary when I arrive back home." Golden Cheese reassures you as her arms are still around you, kissing your head and felt the love that radiated from her spouse.

"Stay strong for me, my jewel. Promise?"

"I promise, love."

That is a bittersweet memory she kept with her mind as she returned back from the war, eager to meet and kiss you again like she use to and seeing the shimmering gold treasures and the cookies of her kingdom.

Until she saw the wasteland of what little remains of her kingdom was left.

It was silent and gray. Golden Cheese stood still as a rock, processing on what is happening and whether it's only a nightmare that projects her worse fear.

It's not sadly, this is reality and it struck her hard like a bar of gold into her head. She lost everything that her heart desires the most; her gold, her palace, her cookies-

Wait...

Where are you? Where is the cookie that is considered as the love of Golden Cheese Cookie?

She searched for you desperately, despite there is nothing but crumbs and ash left within it's grounds. Until she saw your tiara and your dough crumbs underneath the palace's remains. She cried in anger, cried in anguish as she screamed for your painful death.

Holding that was once left of you, her knees dropped to the ground and cried as if the witches heard her pleas to bring everything back; not only her kingdom, her treasures, her cookies, her friends but also her most important and precious treasure of all, her beloved Reader Cookie. Golden Cheese Cookie promises herself that she will build a new kingdom where time stands still and no cookie shall experience the loss and hardships this war caused.

Until then, she will take ahold of your tiara as a promise that she will never replace you with anyone. She would pray that when she passed on, she will be with you in the hands of the afterlife and reunite with the cookie she loves the most.

But there is a report from another cookie claiming that there is a cookie residing within a local village who looks exactly the same with the ancient's spouse....

Do not republish, edit, or repost to other websites.

Reblogs and likes are appreciated! 💕

#cookie run kingdom #crk x reader #cw crk spoilers #crk angst #crk golden cheese #golden cheese cookie x reader #golden cheese cookie #cookie run kingdom x reader #cookie run x y/n #cookie run x yn #gn reader

[afreakingdork]

Weak Spot - Chapter 44

RotTMNT Donatello x Reader

Okay yeah, I'm looking at this week’s chapter art by @garbagemilkshake

Warnings: Aged-up Turtles, Romance, Meet Cute, Villain Donatello, Cussing, Crushes, Xenophobia, Fear, Intimidation, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Hurt/Comfort, Love, AFAB Reader, Vaginal Sex, Sex Rough, Sex, Penis In Vagina Sex, Creampie, Teasing, Scent Kink, Sexual Tension, Breeding Kink, Multiple Orgasms, Cunnilingus, Fellatio, Marathon Sex, Somnophilia, Bondage, Feral Behavior, Feral Donatello, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Public Sex, Dom Donnie, Human/Turtle Relationships, Turtle Noises

Synopsis:  A love story of villainous proportions! Though it hadn’t come easily, as these things rarely do, you found yourself in a whirlwind romance with a handsome and mysterious mutant. His idiosyncrasies had been easy to ignore as attraction grew into something more. However, will love endure when the unknowns about him end up being far darker than you ever considered?

Also available on Ao3

First 💜 Previous

You were awake and mobile, which, given the hour, might have been a triumph in and of itself. Sadly, the reason for which had been you royally screwing up your sleep schedule. Since working the two shifts, your body had seemingly given up its fight to keep you in line. Now, you simply woke up at whatever hour your alarm clock went off. The trade-off came, as these things usually did, in that whatever exhaustion you were meant to feel would carry on like a candle at the very end of its wick.

Still burning, but with flickers that said it would perish at the slightest gust.

Thankfully not feeling quite that unstable, you slunk along with a rhythmic thump at your hip. Street lamps lit your way as you moved closer to your destination. As you closed in, a few blocks away, you caught those dressed similarly to you. There was a man, just up ahead, who turned out from a side street with perfect posture. His antithesis happened to be across the street and lagging behind. Regardless of their state, both earned their own merits for simply being here just as you were sure they granted you the same.  

Otherwise, why would anyone go out this early?

Moving with a lack of coordination as you imagined came with a variety of aged zombies, you clutched the strap of your duffle. Not out of fear, but as a lifeline, you were holding the pressure to make it bounce with each step. As if to further birth the cacophony, it abysmally failed at keeping time with the sound of your sneakers hitting the pavement. It was a form of communication that could only be interpreted by these two men, in this exact moment before the sun rose.  

Approaching the glowing beacon on the otherwise dark street, you watched the first man slip right in through double doors. Your little merry band immediately dispersed, you felt a moment of slight as he let the door close right behind him. Suffering the sort of wound reserved for wordless comrades, the second man continued to counteract the first by being far too kind. Hitting the entrance at nearly the same time as him, you both did the awkward polite shuffle of who would grab the door.

Eventually moving first to relieve him of civil duty, you waved him through before following with a squint. Fluorescence too bright and music too loud, you let the stale air of the gym wash over you. A specific scent that seemed a mix of sweat-dried mats and day-old rubber, it was the same one that had taken over your gym bag. No matter how many washes, it clung to the interior where you knew your water bottle and a few other objects to be.

Passing a teen guard who probably worked this shift before school, she didn’t even look up as she tacked away on her phone. Knowing that this was all an act and if you tried to get by her without scanning in then she’d be animated like an awaiting animatronic, you dutifully swung your phone up to the awaiting red light. A beep said you were good and you hushed your phone to enter the space.

The hour meant there was no need to bother with a locker. There would in no way be too many people to trip over your belongings and that was one of the few benefits of the time. Another was a near open floor plan to execute your routine. One created as a mish-mash between your gym-obsessed friend's recommendation and videos you had seen online, you were meant to focus on chest and arms today.

Standing at the jungle gym of a functional trainer, you spied the first man already doing cable chest presses. He was yanking with a sort of rhythm that trailed you up his arm. Finding buds in his ears, you mentally excused his earlier rude behavior and instead applauded his foresight. For the change in your schedule, you had not been near as omnipotent and were now at the mercy of whatever amalgamation setlist was crafted in an attempt to please all gym goers.

Switching out handles, you set yourself up for downward cable flyes and didn’t bother counting. A warm up after the stretching you’d already done before the walk over, you’d become accustomed to this routine. After moving into apartment six, you’d found this gym as a little oasis. Walkable in a comfortable sense, it acted as both preparation and cool down each time you made the trek.

Switching arms at the first sign of fatigue, you worked your non-dominant hand. More of a struggle, you kept more of a time with this one as you ruminated, once again, over the owner. Whoever they were, you always pictured them as some yoked-up elderly person. That figment not only had the vision to own a gym, but open it up to all manner of beings. The layman’s way of saying this business was yokai and mutant friendly, the owner also charged a fair price considering the city. Adding to the narrative, you imagined they had had some luck in stocks back in the day. Set for life, they made it their aged altruistic mission to help others in wellness.

That’s what kept you entertained through a grueling cover of an 80s song at least.

Moving to lat pull downs, you felt pride as, after the first tug, you then needed to up the weight. Things were becoming easier as time went on in a way that enforced the age old sayings about practice. Consistency had been your mission above all else and that had been an odd key to your success. After that it was strength and stamina. Cardio was still lacking in the latter category, but your boudoir romps were something you jokingly said made up for it. In practice, going up stairs said that wasn’t the case, but you were a work in progress.

Having moved a needle, a pride surged in your chest as the bar came close to it. The next song on was one you sort of enjoyed and you resisted humming along as you did your set. Alternating with a few rests and drinking in an opportunity to sit, you finished up and moved to work with dumbbells. It meant moving over to the mirror and confronting its second surface. The panes didn’t quite match up and the first man you’d seen was currently doing reps in one front of one panel. Thankful for the space, it meant you weren’t stuck on the barrier between them and had an obscured view in the second. Checking your form, you started with some external rotations.

Feeling it in your rotor cuff, you glanced up at the clock to get an estimate of how long to be at each station. You’d be here for about an hour and a half before heading off to grab breakfast with your phone obsessed friend, Eugene, who had been tracking some burrito truck around the city. If all went well, you’d be back just in time for the real reason you’d planned today out just so: couple’s yoga with Donnie.

As silly as the whole thing seemed, when you’d gotten the notification about the new class, you’d passed the information on to your partner who had taken it with surprising gravity. Signing up immediately at his interest, you’d snuck glances at him studying up on the activity. Though you hadn’t actually seen his shopping cart, you just knew he bought clothes and you could only imagine what the internet had told him was appropriate. Based on his lake day attire, it was bound to be something functional, while also skirting the line of comical.

Giggling to yourself at the thought, you switched to bicep curls at nearly the exact moment someone behind you slammed their weights. Hearing the then approving grunt, you glanced into the reflection over your shoulder. Lifting out of a hack squat machine, you saw green elbows flex akimbo from a blue shell. Loosening your grip momentarily, you white knuckled the dumbbells as the figure then turned with a swish of a tank top barely holding on from where it’d been torn to near uselessness.

Passing a glance in the mirror as he turned, Leo froze while rolling his neck.

His face warped into one of sheer horror.

You met it with the dullest stare you could muster as you moved to preemptively re-rack your weights.

“No!” He shouted clear across the gym for all to hear.

You sighed as you turned to face him.

“No! No! No!” Leo repeated with each stomp as he pointed an accusatory finger at you.

“Leo.” You gave a flaccid greeting.  

“Get out!” His jaw wound around the ‘T.’

“No.”

“This is my gym!”

You had to cover your stomach bottoming out. “My… membership begs to differ.”

“I’ve never seen you here in my life!”

He couldn’t be the owner.

“If you just joined, cancel!”

He would have seen your name.

“Go somewhere else!”

You had to be flagged.

“I’ll cover your month!”

There’s no way he would have let you join.

“Just go!”

That was an expression.

He closed in with his looming height as if to intimidate you.

You’d had more than enough of that.

“Shoo!” When he realized towering wouldn’t work, he limped his fingers and swung them to usher you away. “Go on now, git!” 

“Would you-?!” You pinched the bridge of your nose.

“Would I what?!” His hackles went up in an obvious way because he was barely wearing anything.

It was the same with his supposed hero suit.

“Well!?”

He would be some gym bro. “You don’t own the place!”

It was a chance.

It was more of a wish.

You were manifesting.

The way he inhaled said you were correct.

It was an offense to his very being, but you hadn’t been wrong.

He didn’t own the place.

You had a one win notched on your belt.

It felt reductive as you’d been set at least 30 paces back by running into him in the first place.

Washed cold yet again, you berated yourself for feeling secure enough in Splinter’s deal.

Why wouldn’t Leo find some way to break it?

Some way to continue his obsessive stalking.

Why would he?

Stuck on many presumptions and with little basis, you took him in.

Patched cutoff sweats hung from a tight knot at his waist and the silly tank top bowed around the same area. Past his face’s obvious layer of impatience then came one of disgrace. It held a shame as if you’d marched into a sacred dojo with muddy shoes on. Staring further into his furrowed brow ridge, you caught a sullen fear beneath it. Something more intangible, the faded sweat on his chartreuse skin didn’t all look as though it was from the same workout.

He was nervous.

He was also still irritating as hell. “I’ve been going here for months!”

His snout scrunched up with confusion. “Yeah, right! I’m here every day! I would have seen you!”

“What time!?” You quacked and saw the first man, the one you’d logged as some kind of safety buffer, leave as he continued his routine.

Leo similarly glanced at the guy before returning his ire to you. “Now! Obviously!”

“Then that’s it!” You flicked a wrist at him before moving toward the weights. If you couldn’t take comfort from another being privy, you’d at least grab a weapon. “I don’t usually come at the crack ass of dawn!”

“Then go back to your time slot! I can’t deal with this.” He rounded you to stand in the way. “This is my sanctuary! Mi casa! My me time! Mi tiempo! Mine!”

“Then go! Go back to your machismo weight slamming bullshit! I’m not stopping you!” You glowered up at him.

“You can go anywhere! Anytime!” He threw his head back as he began to pace. “Do you know how many mutant-friendly gyms there are in the city!? 10! For the whole city!!!”

“Leo.” Ruffled from the exchange, you waited as he moved right and cut through before he could head back.

When he turned to make the next round, he jumped away from you like a cat surprised by a cucumber.

Even if he wasn’t exploiting some loophole around his dad, he was at least clearly afraid of leaving a scent trail.

You could work with that.

“I’ve got seniority! I’ve been going here for years! If they had platinum members I’d be one! Guild my app because I’ve got diamond status!!” He roared up to the ceiling panels.

Ignoring his rant, you grabbed a dumbbell.

He was white noise, same as the music.

Adjusting your posture, you carefully rolled the weight over your shoulders to do tricep extensions.

Doing your first rep, he curiously stopped.

Glancing at his face, you watched his eye twitch.

“You really think I’m just going to stand aside and let you do that?” He grumbled, stepping closer.

“Leo, I’m not above ratting you out to the front desk kid.”

“It’s your form! It sucks!”

“My-!?” The weight slid awkwardly and he shot forward.

Wincing at the speed, you waited for contact, but nothing came.

Cracking an eye open, you found him supporting the dumbbell with an open palm. “Why don’t you have a spotter?”

“Schedules don’t line up. Let go.”

“Fix your grip.”

“You’re holding it!”

“I’m keeping it steady so you don’t sprain your damn wrist!”

“I can feel you-!”

Making a noise of pure irritation, his other hand covered yours.

Ready to spit in his face, he was lightning fast as he moved all your fingers into a new position before shooting away as if he knew your intent.

Elbow still bent behind your head, you begrudgingly felt this new grip was more secure. Scowling all the more for it, you did an extension and felt how it moved the proper muscle groups.

“Lean back, you’re hunching forward…” He folded his arms and took a stance from the safe distance of several feet away.

Sending him another daggered look, you reluctantly squared your shoulders. Another immediate fix, you continued through the set under his watchful eye before you rolled the weight off to the side. “Had enough?”

“What’s next?”

“Leo!”

“Don’t ‘Leo’ me! Look at you! It’s sad! If this is how you do one simple exercise, how do all the others go!? I can’t just leave you like that! You make us all look bad!”

“It’s not your job!” You took a threatening stomp towards him, but he clearly felt secure in his safety bubble. Giving a bitter exhale, you put your dumbbell up before stomping over to a Smith machine.

You didn’t even have to look over your shoulder to know he’d trailed behind you.

“It’s gonna be like this, huh?”

“I just want to see your form.” He appeared in your periphery, still a distance out.

You were torn.

Part of you wanted to just grab the bar and go into your upright rows.

Another said that you were about to be painfully scrutinized if you did.

Usually not giving a shit, especially from the current party, you just knew it was going to make you all sorts of nervous.

Even if you did it perfectly you were going to second guess yourself.

He was going to humiliate you either way.

You grabbed the bar which had been left level with your chest and leaned your body into it before turning towards him. “What’s the plan here?”

“Make sure you don’t hurt yourself or badger you until I can work out in peace.”

Your head raised as you hadn’t expected such straight honesty. “Okay…”

His eyes were glued to the bar.

“So there’s no chance you’re going to leave me alone?”

“Nope.”

Could you beat him at his own game?

You glanced over the machine and assumed a stance.

No, in that way he was like Donnie.

As much as you hated to admit it, he was like Donnie in a lot of ways.

Stubborn, self righteous, astute, and trapped in his own toxic headspace.

It just so happened that with Leo, none of those comorbidities happened to align with your interest.

Bobbing to attention, you looked over your shoulder.

“What?” He did the same, trying to trace your gaze.

Just like Donnie.

You had to play your own way.

“I left my bag.”

He perked up and you watched him hone in on where it was over by the racks.

His shoulders then dropped as he was caught.

Civility said he should go and grab it, but the thought of touching your possessions gave him the willies.

“Wonder what you’ll do?” You gave him a knowing glance as you stepped away from the machine to go grab it.

Watching the sliver of him reflected in the mirror, he waffled.

Taking your time, when you reached your duffle, you laid out the straps just so before lifting. Coming up in a rotation, you pivoted to find Leo standing at frustrated attention next to the Smith.

He’d held your spot. 

You very much wanted to laugh, but you had something else planned.

He looked away with creased lips.

You set your bag off to the side and knelt down to ruffle through it.

The action caught his attention and you could see him trying not to obviously look in your periphery. Shaking your head at it, you unearthed your phone and walked it over to him as you navigated your apps. “Hey, Leo, question?”

“Hm?” You had his wary interest.

You tapped your screen. “You said you weren’t going to leave me alone?”

“Not until you leave.”

“So no.”

“No!” His head lolled to the side.

“Good.” You nodded.

You sensed him puff up with irritation.

You swiped your finger a few times before hitting play and holding the phone out to him where the recorded conversation played.

He gave a sharp exhale before glowering at you. “What the fuck!?”

“There’s your bug.” You waved your phone and then pulled it out of reach at nearly the same time he tried to swipe it. “Only he’s almost 7 feet and green with gaudy stripes.”

“Gaudy my ass!” He nearly snarled and you stepped away as he attempted to take your phone again.

“So you’re saying yes, you are a bug?!” You teased, ducking under the bar to put it between you.

He fisted the thing like it had caged him. “Are you still recording?!”

“I need evidence, don’t I?”

“I’m not doing anything! You encroached on my space!”

“How about a trade?”

He didn’t drop his anger so much as he traded it for severe attention. “Figures.”

“If that’s a backhanded comment about Donnie, I’m already withdrawing.”

“Just a backhanded comment about you.” He gave a grin that had far too many teeth.

“You are such a bitch!” You mistakenly pointed with your phone.

He yanked it out of your hand.

“Leo, you fuck-!” You caught the bar the same time he let go and were about to slingshot yourself when the attendant appeared right behind Leo.

Not seeing her, he could do nothing as she picked your device out of his hand. “Alright you two, that’s enough.”

If she had gum, you thought this was the perfect time for her to pop a bubble.

Leo shrank down at the sight of her. “Ingrid!”

She didn’t glare at him so much as she flicked her dead gaze up. “Three people now have come to say you two were fighting over the equipment.”

“Fighting?!” Leo spoke too loud and tried to blow the volume away with a raspberry. “You know me! I would never!”

“Why are you stealing phones then, Mr. Hamato?” She waved the device.

“I wasn’t-”

“Right out of my hands!” You spoke, finally clearing the bar.

Ingrid continued her stare down.

“Please don’t report me again!” He dropped down to his knees and begged her with an offered conjoined fist.

“Ugh, you look extra old when you do that.” She sneered with the most emotion you had seen yet.

At the word ‘old’ Leo looked as though he’d been stabbed through the heart and fell back.

“Here.” She held out your phone and you snatched it.

“Thanks!”

“Don’t thank me yet.” She barbed, not letting go.

Stuck with it strung between you, you stared at her with wide eyes.

“You have a guest coming and a scheduled class.” Ingrid responded calmly.

Your eyes widened as you realized she hadn’t been ignoring the complaints, but instead gathering ammo to come unload on you both.

“We reserve the right here and I will cancel both.”

“Yes’m.” You lowered your head.

“Guest?” You heard a wisp of Leo even though he was still on the ground.

“What’ll it be?” Ingrid let go of your phone.

You pulled it into your chest with a little too much force.

Leo dragged himself upright.

She watched the both of you with disinterest.

“Not another word.”

“It won’t be a problem.”

She continued her lengthy stare until both of you were absolutely sweating. She then sighed and turned away, heading back to the desk. “One peep and you’re out!”

You both watched until she got all the way back to her destination before wilting.

“Kids these days are scary!” Leo threw his head back.

You could only nod.

Quiet resumed and you gave your phone a calculated toss back into your bag.

You listened as Leo gave a grunt, getting back on his feet.

He then stood there with his weight awkwardly off-center. “Why didn’t you rat me out?”

“I told her you took my phone.” You turned, just drained enough to start back up your exercise.

“We both know that wasn’t the bigger of my threats.”

You shrugged as both a response and to adjust your shoulders as you grabbed the bar. “Only 10 gyms sucks.”

Leo quieted further as you started doing upright rows.

“Where’s the next closest?” You asked without any real thought.

You heard Leo’s stare before he gave his answer. “35 minutes from here.”

“Sewer 35 or ground floor?”

He gave the faintest puff of laughter. “Up top.”

You felt your form slipping and racked the bar to adjust.

“Good.” He murmured more to himself.

“Do you instruct?” Why were you asking?

His lips flapped around a sudden exhale. “Yeah right.” Why would he respond?

You gave him a glance before finishing up your set.

He shuffled his weight to either foot in case you were going to leave.

You rounded the machine to grab a weight.

He blinked to attention and grabbed the same for the opposite. “You were warming up.”

“I’m not the newbie you were making me out to be.”

His gaze lowered as he held the plate.

You were slow to walk back to the bar.

“I’m sorry.” He spoke without bringing his eyes up.

“Not enough to leave me be.”

With his head lowered, he shot you a look against his lids. “You pay attention to all the wrong things.”

“Beg to differ.” With the bar now weighed down, you approached and made sure your grip was firm before you eased it off its safety latch.

“If you really wanted me to leave you alone, you would have told Ingrid what was up.”

You sighed which messed up your breathing, but you refused to let it affect your stride. “You’re on a first name basis with the staff, Leo. What do you want? If you keep badgering me, I’ll reconsider.”

“It just doesn’t make sense.”

“And it’s not my job to teach you!” You dropped your voice to a harsh whisper to keep from shouting.

Your chest throbbed with familiarity.

You really hated that.  

As if that was the first time anyone had ever uttered those words to him, Leo stalled out.

You got through another set before you stepped back.

As if needing to fill the void you watched Leo add a plate.

Ready to stop him as you weren’t quite up to that, he rounded you wordlessly. Tracking him found him headed to the otherside where he equally distributed the weight. Sensing what was coming, you stepped off to where he had originally been standing so he could take the bar. He moved to it and did your same exercise with a furrowed brow ridge.

He moved the weight easily and, at almost the same time he hooked the bar back onto its latch, he stepped back and did a heel turn. There, he stomped a few steps out before returning with flapping hands. You watched the display with open curiosity as he then returned to the bar with a different heft bringing his brow down. With a flick of his hands, he freed the bar and did methodical reps.

Counting down for him, he then racked and gave a self-soothing exhale.

“You do this to release stress.”

His eyes widened and he turned as if he’d forgotten you were there. “Uh… yeah.” His gaze turned away. “Guess… I do.” 

You shouldn’t.

Not after everything.

Not after what an insufferable ass he’d been.

Not after he twisted every good thing that was offered into something decidedly not.

That, however, was just the thing.

It struck you to your core.

It was self sabotage.

It was borderline immolation.

In the name of all that was good, he was going to take down everything with him.

A raging inferno, he wanted to keep everyone else at arm’s length.

Concocting a lonely contradiction, he thought he was doing it for their own good.

While that was a problem in and of itself, it had also gone on too long.

Those people he’d kept at a distance had strayed.

They weren’t going to keep waiting.

They used their freedom to work on themselves.

Meanwhile his charred carcass continued to burn as he held back a now non-existence threat away from empty space.

You hadn’t realized you neared him until the tips of your fingers just brushed his bicep.

It was all too familiar.

All too real.

He flinched, barely racking the bar to look at you with fear.

Over a foot shorter than him and he was terrified of you.

“Leo…?”

“Yeah?” His eyes were squarely on where your digits just hit the curve of a yellow marking.

“Are you like… okay?” You looked up at him with all the honesty you could muster.

It was like no one had ever asked him before.

Not without a sense of judgment.

Not in a moment of weakness.

Not when he was truly being himself.

It broke him.

You had to rally yourself to not fill the air.

Above you, you imagined the frame of his features split like a shattered mirror.

The image stuck, the pieces fell one by one to give way to an original scene transition.

Only this wasn’t a movie and what painted his skin was slack.

No tears, just a slow descent of his inflated person.

A single laugh ripped from it.

You felt like it tore his insides and the internal bleeding should have leaked blood from the corner of his mouth though it stayed dry.

He then gave another until he had to cup half his face.

The shards you imagined were real to him as he had to hold them in place.

His mask in disrepair.

This was his gym.

It was also more than that.

This was where he could turn off.

Let himself go for however long he would allow.

How long the workout dictated.

You moved until your palm flattered against his arm.

“I’m… so… fucking… tired…” He wheezed out between hiccups of laughter.

You felt it.

Albeit, small, you felt bad for him.

In no way a competition, he was just as broken as Donnie had been.

Nearly the same, but completely different.  

Something Splinter said slid through your mind.

I have only ever wanted to… see you have a break… from your hardships.

It was time.

For all of them.

You stiffened your upper lip and went to where the plates were waiting. You could feel Leo’s weak gaze follow as you heaved one up and added it to the bar. Circling him on only a few strides, you hit the other and added its twin. Looking down three plates at his worn face, his eyes held heavy exhaustion while his lips were quirked into an odd smile.

“Add the 15s.” There was a comedy in his voice, but not for anything you’d done.

Giving a studious nod, you found one 15lb plate immediately, but another was scarce. You had to track back across the gym to get one, but running back felt like those fibers of cardio were teasing your heels. Hopping around the sensation, you added the weight and stepped back. “Should we clip it?”

“Nah.” There was more vigor in his voice as he did a side to side, getting into position. He then heaved the bar in a smooth inhale and exhale before he started to do reps.

You watched with bated breath until something small slipped out. It was something you hadn’t heard in years, but the moment begged it. You weren’t even sure what it meant, but it felt applicable. “You got this, come on. Si se puede.”

He fumbled the bar.

You waffled beside him, trying to remember how to best intervene in case he got crushed.

The anxiety of the moment made you forget the Smith had built-in safety and Leo latched it a few rungs further down than he probably wanted. There he bent over the secure bar, slamming the plastron around the waist with a clunk before giving another laugh. Different then the last, it still had that raw edge, but he sent it towards you as an offering. “What was that!?”

“I don’t know?!” You brought your hands up to prove your innocence.

“Si se puede. Si se puede!” Shedding the final layers, he then gave a bark of bright laughter.

You watched as he shook his head, mumbling something to himself as he went back to doing reps.

Whatever he whispered to himself was the length of a novel before he finally surfaced enough to look at you with crow’s feet peeking through his mask. "¿Quién crees que eres?”

Tilting your head, you knew he was talking about you, but not in what way. “You look better.”

“I don’t want to hear it.” He snuffed you with closed eyes and slow enunciation. “You think I’m ugly.”

It was your turn to laugh.

“My markings!” He clicked his tongue and stepped away from the bar. “I can’t help that I’m a red-eared slider!”

You laughed a little more as he shooed you to grab the plates. Circling to the other side of the machine, you watched him remove two with both his hands before setting them aside with ease.

Blinking off a moment of confusion, you moved to do the same.

Done, you waited for him to jump back on, but he instead waved for you. You’d almost forgotten you’d only got a couple of sets in and stepped up to do another.

“I can’t ask to start again.”

“I’ve already started.” You shot him a smarmy look, flexing your fingers as you slid the bar down its track.

He gave you a bored stare that was tinted with amusement. “I’ve got problems-”

“Everyone does.”

“Could you-!? For one second!? I’m really trying here!”

“I meant literally.” You slipped the safety onto its hook and held to look at him. “I mean yeah, everyone does, but I meant specifically you all.”

“And how many is that exactly?”

“More than I know about.” You began to turn the bar when he grabbed the end of it to stop the rotation.

He threw on the 15s in a few steps and waited for you to continue. As soon as you did, he spoke again. “I bet.”

He needed the safety of the workout.

For wherever he was now, it was the only way to keep his sanity at the same time as the honesty.

“Keep going,” you puffed out.

He chuffed and leaned back against the bar holding the awaiting weights with a smile. “Think we can get through it?”

“Temporary truce for the duration of the workout.”

“Minor jabs, but nothing below the belt.”

“I didn’t sign up for boxing.” You gave him a dry look.

His teeth showed in his smile. “A perfect example.”

“Then call it.”

“Truce.”

“Like I said.” Your arms fatigued and you stepped back to roll your shoulders.

“I’m not Mikey. I’m not Raph. I don’t want to be your friend, but tell me I’m not crazy that the markers for it are there.”

“You just sabotage it every time we start to become civil.” Needing your break, you went to rack up his amount of weights.

He mirrored you. “It’s not just you.”

You wondered if he was letting these things slip out on purpose. It almost felt like this place was where he redid his bandages. In the momentary exposure, his wounds could air themselves. 

He did a rep. “I’m so sick of my own shit.”

Up, down.

“I just keep performing.”

Lift.

“I don’t think I even know how to stop anymore.”

Lower.

“The lines were blurred and they pulled the curtain, but I got in front of it. My tight five has been going on for decades.” From where he was smoothly moving, he suddenly clanged the bar. “I can’t do this. Let’s go to the landmine.” Without waiting for you, he scooped up your bag as he headed for a corner.

Unable to match his strides, you reached him just as he slapped two plates on the bar. He then got into a squat position and you drained some of your water as you watched him wheeze through several reps too fast. “Leo-”

“Slow down.” He dropped the bar with a clang that made you jump. “No, you go.”

You made a face to the floor.

He didn’t seem to notice as he walked a short distance away with his carapace to you.

It wasn’t that you had a problem with landmine exercises, it was more a technical failing on your part.

No matter how strong you got, you had difficulty in raising the bar and pulling the plates off at the same time.

Now faced with two of them, you locked your feet into place to do the exchange.

The first came off with surprising ease and you let it roll away instead of properly setting it down in fear of messing up the next.

Just to scold you for improper gym etiquette, the second refused to come and you grunted as you tried to lift and tug at the same time.    

Leo immediately turned at the sound and the moment you waited for his barb felt like an eternity.

One that left you in stasis because he simply walked over and lifted the bar for you.

You yanked the plate right off and sent him genuine thanks.

He nodded, not meeting it and instead mumbling, “It’s about timing.”

You copied his ready position as you moved to the head of the bar.

“Look, no bullshit. I can’t… stand what you represent, but it’s not… you.”

Grabbing metal, you adjusted your grip over and over as not one felt right.

“I’m using you. No, I’ve been using you. You’re… the only chance I’ve got.”

“To understand.” You wheezed and heaved the bar high to do a thruster instead.

He was quiet and seemed to examine your form as you went through reps.

Lowering and hating how this particular corner had a drop ceiling which caused the fluorescent lights to bake the space, you set the bar down to get more water.

He picked it back up and did his own thrusters with one hand. “To understand.”

You lowered your bottle with a satisfied sigh.

“Which… isn’t your fault, but what the hell else was I supposed to do?” He switched to the other arm which turned him an angle away. “You think I can just pin down and interrogate Egregious Eggplant!?”

You snorted as you wiped your lip with the back of your hand.

He set the bar down and walked the same few paces. “You were an easy in.”

Your stomach tightened, but you buried its constriction into your core as you took your place at the bar. “A weak spot.”

There was a beat of silence where you lifted the bar before Leo turned with wide eyes. “Exactly! Oh, that’s great. The perfect name for it!”

He had no idea.

“Feet wider.”

You shimmied to keep the weight up and adjusted.

“I was so focused on that. On finally getting some answers, that I… forgot you were a person too.”

It took all your mental fortitude not to overextend.

“Look Todd is full of shit and I’m me.” He gave you the floor.

You lowered the bar to the ground in a squat before looking up at him. “A shit head.”

He gave a bow before coming up.

You’d give him his little injection of comedy. He was being so forthcoming you weren’t even sure how to handle it.

“I can’t offer anything that I won’t go back on. It’s like part of my DNA. I’m never going to let this go. Why should I? Why does he get off that easy? Why do I have to be the ‘better person?’ There’s no better here! I need to bring it up. I need everyone to remember it happened. Why should he get off scot free after everything he did? Why-!?” Leo outright snarled before slapping his hands to his face.

You scurried around and lined three plates up at the bar, only feeling bad you couldn’t put them on.

Leo didn’t seem to mind as he kicked them into a better position before applying them himself. He then threw himself into the reps, starting too fast again before his increased heart rate rushed a much needed blood supply throughout his body. As if getting a jolt off the body’s natural system, he slowed until he was moving at a more sensible speed. He then lifted straight out of a squat into a rotating single-arm press. Sweat worked on his brow and dotted darker blue on his mask.

“It’s enough.” You offered, feeling it was time.

Leo didn’t nod and there was no exact point, but there was a change in his demeanor as he switched arms. “I have a problem.”

“I can’t tell if you want to talk about it or not.”

“I don’t and that’s kind of the thing? I’m stuck because I don’t want to talk about it. I haven’t really talked to anyone about it. I definitely don’t want to talk to you about it and yet the whole reason I keep blabbing is because I am talking about it!” He slid right back into a squat and his leg muscles rippled around his knee brace before he stalled. He gave a small grunt and set the bar down with the most care you had seen yet.

You thought quietly.

He fell back onto his ass and moved to adjust his brace.

You were passively watching all this occur.

Was that the right move?

You weren’t sure.

Part of you still hated this situation.

You didn’t want to understand Leo better.

You wanted to keep on hating him.

That was easier.

It also wasn’t quite honest.

You didn’t hate him.

Not really.

He brought on a rolling stomach and nine out of every ten things that came out of his mouth was garbage so foul you wanted to hurl, but even then you couldn’t bring yourself to hate him.

Knowing what they’d done to Donnie and what Donnie had done to them felt like a moot point.

None of it fair, none of it right.

You didn’t know.

He didn’t know.

The only thing you could do was change that.

“Questions.”

He looked up at you, his expression worn.

“Let’s go back and forth. Ask each other questions. Whatever is happening right now, it’s not… right. I can’t explain it, but you know what I’m sick of?”

“Is that the first question?” He pulled his good knee up to his body and laid an arm on it.

You shot him a dry look. That was the best you were going to get. “Not knowing. We both don’t know what this is, right?”

“That’s question two.” He held up his two fingers.

You stepped forward and kicked his hip lightly with your sneaker. “We’re not friends. I guess we should be enemies. We don’t technically have a relation, but we are something to each other.”

Leo openly thought your words over.

With another kick he got the message that he should move.

He also did so in the worst way possible by crab walking to the side.

You threw a hand up in confusion and he chuckled before falling onto the mat below. “Can I go twice?”

“Sure.” You stared down at the bar and its three weights.

“You got this, come on. Si se puede.” He rolled onto his side and held his head up with a craned arm.

You got down on your knees and began the arduous task of removing the plates. “Ah, the thing you said earlier was something like ‘what’s wrong with you?’”

“More like ‘who do you think you are?’”

You had to debate asking because it would tip the scales further, but you also needed to know. “Is that an accusation?”

“Are you my tio when I try to sneak into the kitchen and steal some mozzarella?” He chuckled.

You rolled your eyes, finally getting one plate off. “Obviously not.”

“Then you’re good.” You felt his grin more than saw it. “The guest is him isn’t it?”

“Donnie? Yeah.” You wiggled the second plate, making some progress, but inevitably set yourself back every few centimeters. “We’re doing couple’s yoga.”

Leo blew a raspberry that broke into laughter and almost knocked his head off his perch. “What does that even look like?!”

“I don’t know, but I wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity.” You smiled to yourself, gaining several long inches.

“You still get thrown off by him?”

That marked three, he was keeping track, which was very much him. “Of course. I feel like I could know him my whole life and he’ll still surprise me.”

Leo made a little noise that didn’t quite hit curiosity, but was spoken of something of interest.

“Was today really not a set-up?” The second plate was nearing the end of the bar.

“Here?! No!” Leo fell back onto his shell and stared up at the ceiling panels. “This is my sanctuary. I still feel violated. I’d never do that to this place.”

You studied the expression on his face. It was a disproportionate amount of dishonor tinged with serenity.

“Do you hate Mikey?”

You bobbed, the plate falling off with a loud thump.

Staring down at it, you felt Leo look over in wait.

“No.” You set the bar down and used one hand to slowly push the second plate away. “I’m still mad in a way, but he made the right move when you all kidnapped me.”

“A step in the right direction.” Leo posited.

“Kinda…” You got the weight far enough away before turning back toward your mortal enemy: the last plate. “You know, I’m sort of operating on a very, very minor scale like you guys; all the bad blood.”

Leo gave a disagreeing snort, but his following silence said you weren’t completely wrong.

Giving a small note of irritation, you began work on getting the late plate off.

“By like a million degrees of separation less! You’re talking heroes versus villains versus you versus.. us! I guess…” He sighed. “I see what you mean? All the interactions so far have been bad, so why expect anything else? Something like that?”

“Yeah…”

“How do you go from there?” Leo asked the air.

“Doing this, apparently.” You were losing steam and sat back to tug your bag over. Taking a swig from your water bottle, you lowered it and watched a bead of escaped liquid slide down the side. “Do you come alone because this place makes you vulnerable?”

“You…! Can’t do that! What’s wrong with you!? Talk about going zero to hundred!” His arms and legs shot out. “You can’t just go from ‘what’s your favorite color?’ to ‘how do you think humanity will fair in the inevitable heat death of the universe!?’”

You could only shrug against your hopeless smile.

His lower lip ate up his upper one and his eyes looked manic for a moment before he went slack. “Yes! Alright! Yes, fine! This is the one place I can be me and I don’t like others seeing me like that! The lipsticks off the pig!”

“The-what?” You laughed.

“I don’t know! I’m still upset that you think I’m ugly!”

“I never said that!”

“You said gaudy!”

“I said your stripes were!”

“They’re part of my skin! That’s like making fun of someone’s freckles!”

You puffed up with offense.

“See!” He pointed at you. “I bet you were a kid bully! That’s where you get the evil to stay with him!”

“I was not! I wouldn’t do that!”

“Bully, bully!”

“Ugh!” You yanked the plate halfway down the bar and marveled at the work.

“You’re welcome.”

“You were not faking all that just to get me mad enough to move this!”

“You’ll never know!” He faked a cackle and let his arm fall onto the ground. “Do you hate Raph?”

You looked at him with a tilt of your head. “No.”

Leo watched you, obviously hoping for more.

You curled your fingers into a hole in the plate. “He’s been the nicest so far. He’s like a victim of circumstance.”

“You’re not wrong.” Leo’s shell created an awkward curvature to his body, but he still sank back until his head hit the mat. “You asked me if I trained earlier. Not me. Future me, maybe, but not this me. That’s Raph. Doesn’t even matter what age. He’s good with kids. He’s good with the scary teens. He doesn’t even dodge the adults that always wanted to when they were young but never got the chance. He’s the sensei.”

There was way more there than you knew about. You were having trouble keeping track of your questions. “Were you faking?”

He pursed his lips. It was clear he had hoped that the bits he dangled in front of you would have thrown you off. “No.” He gave a loud sigh. “It does hurt my feelings, but not as much as I’m playing up.” His head rolled away from you.

You gave a small smile. “I’m sorry. For real. They’re bright, and along with your outfit, it’s all loud like your personality.”

He chuffed and you could sense his grin. “When you say it like that I kinda like it.”

“Your ego is enormous considering it’s apparently a put on.”

“’Fake it till you make it!’” He gave a big stretch that sat him upright. “Honestly satisfied with how I look overall. I lost track of the gimmick at some point.”

“Surprised you aren’t in booty shorts.”

He threw his head back with a chuckle. “I have some of those little athletic pinstripe ones. I was one of those hot 80s dudes for Halloween one year. I even had Mikey draw on a little bunch of chest hairs.” Leo reached up and traced curly q’s on his plastron.

You bit down on a raspberry.

“I’ll send you pics-” Leo started off handedly before he seemed to realize himself. His gaze scanned towards his body where he pulled his legs up, self conscious. “It’s your turn.”

“Is your next question going to be if I hate you?”

“No, I was going to ask who approached who first.”

You blinked. “Were you going to ask eventually?”

“No.”

The nonchalance there bit you. “Should I… answer yours?”

“I’ll let you rephrase.”

“Why do you think you’re less than them?”

You watched the question physically strike him and he had to get to his feet. “Outside the game, what were you working out? I thought you were doing arms and back, but then you threw in some legs.”

“I wasn’t planning on doing this.” You gestured to the landmine.

“Ah…” He grimaced. “What was next?”

“Lat pulldowns.”

“Let’s go. I need to move.”

You gathered your bag and looked back on the fallen weights.

“Leave ‘em.”

“You are a menace.” You followed as he led over to the machines.

“I’m gonna be here awhile. I do rounds and pick everything up when I’m done. I have a whole system.”

Your lips fell as you should have figured.

He gestured to a pair of machines and took one.

You sat at the other and pinned an appropriate weight while he went straight down the stack for something that seemed absurd.

He was a brick wall in his own right.

Grabbing the bar, he pulled down with perfect form a few times before responding just as the bar headed towards a stationary position. “I’m nothing without my family.”

Where you were just about to pull down, you had to whip your head and gawk at him.

“Too honest?” He arched his brow ridge and continued to do reps.

“Kinda.”

“I’m not ashamed. I’m the face man. I’m the leader. I live for them. I don’t think I’m less for it.”

“Leo…”

“Whatever you’ll say is just going to be what I’ve heard someone else yak about a million times. I’ve dismantled them all. Might as well not bother.” 

You frowned and let the bar go up with the weight.

“’That’s not healthy.’ ‘You can’t think like that.’ ‘What about your life?’ ‘You can’t be happy that way.’ ‘It’s not sustainable.’ Round and round.”

You pulled, feeling the tension.

“I can rest when they’re safe. They’ll never really be so I keep going. There are moments. No one can really go 24/7 so yeah, that isn’t sustainable. That’s why I do 2-3 hours of this every morning at the crack of dawn. Gets my mind right or should I say shuts it up.”

You widened your hold to make the reps more difficult.

“Ugh I’m breaking my own rule. I always figured if I said it aloud, I’d break the spell.”

“Cinderella does wear blue.”

That got a smile. “The first time I did this, I was fresh off a night of hell. Probably had tetanus after a long fight at the junkyard. Was walking home separate from the guys because we’d gotten into it. I looked like hell and this buff old man approached me like I’m not 3 times his height and asks if I want to try his gym out for some promotion.”

You tried not to interrupt, but relished in the validation.

Leo passed you a single curious glance, but continued on. “I tried to argue with him. ‘I’ve got a home gym with weight limits your whole place couldn’t fill.’”

You imagined Raph lifted what had to be several tons as a warm-up.

“But how could I say no…?” Leo took on a faraway smile. “Within 30 minutes it stuck. It had to be here. I signed up and worked out for like 5 straight hours. Had some of the best sleep of my life. Missed my next patrol because I overtaxed my muscles. It was a whole thing!”

You took a rest and held your bottle instead of sipping from it.

Leo shrugged. “Go, go, I’m rambling.”

“It was me.”

“You in a limbo contest?”

You shot him a look of confusion.

“Getting laid is not about how low you can go.”

You chucked your bottle at him.

He caught it, laughed and kept his weights from slamming all at the same time. “Gross, though. Actually.”

“You asked!”

“Still trying to weasel out some answers.” With his long reach, he set the bottle by your side. “It’s my nature.”

“I love him.”

“If I’m Cinderella, which for the record is not my preferred Disney royalty, you’re Ariel.” His lids lowered as he stared at you without amusement. As soon as he saw he had your attention, he clasped his hands and fluttered his lashes. “’Daddy, I love him!’”

“I’m not 16 and trust me, we’ve been through it!”

Leo’s brow ridge shot high. “Do tell.”

“Hell no, you’ll use it as fodder.”

“Yeah, but, think, it may also get me off your back.”

“This.” You gestured between you. “Is not going to be a thing.”

“That’s for sure!” He shouted, eyes going a calculated sort of wild.

You scowled.

He bit down on a sigh and looked northward before returning with an open passivity. “You convinced Dad and Raph, so hit me with the pitch.”

“You’re not going to listen.”

“I’ve bared my soul! What more do you want?” He hid his expression in more reps, but his bulky arms could only cover so much. Each time his bicep lowered, you saw a blink of worry in his lips.

You watched until he seemed to calm down before you began. “It’s a pretty classic format with a twist. We meet, and then we meet again, and again, because we want to. He says he was just indulging me at first, but I wonder sometimes.” You looked up at your forlorn bar. “Not really love at first sight, but I think we both sensed there was something there. We keep seeing each other and… it’s tough. He’s an enigma. He won’t tell me things. I blindly accept it because puppy love is all consuming.” You dropped your gaze to your water and tapped it with your shoe. “We both mess up. We both hurt each other. We both try again. We want to. There’s more there and we cultivate it. By the time the while truth comes out, I’m ready to dump him and he knows it. He knows how badly he screwed up and yet he…” You glanced up at Leo.

The other turtle had stopped and was watching you with parted lips that he closed on contact.

“He tells me everything and plans to just let me go. Actually, full stop. No tricks and presumably he was going to retreat back into his shell, no matter how terrible of a metaphor that is.” You sighed and turned all the way in the little uncomfortable seat to face him. “And I find I don’t want to. I still want to be with him and maybe that’s stupid, but for every bad there’s been, there’s been a hundred rights and each time we get stronger and it’s scary. It’s a terrifying kind of love because you’re aware of how dumb it makes you. Of how much you’re willing to put up with. Of how much you shouldn’t but…” You have to look away as your throat tightens and your chest thumps with your heart. “And he smiles, open and free and it means everything and I know it wasn’t me, but in a way it was and I would chase that high a thousand times. Push the proverbial boulder up the hill even if I don’t get anywhere, just to see it again.”

Leo’s weights didn’t slam as much as they exploded.

Nearly falling out of your seat from the frightful jump, you watched as he stood up and stormed away.

Staring after his form, you then rotated back into position before reaching for the bar. Pulling down, you figured that this was the only way it could have gone. Leo was the most unreasonable of the bunch. No matter how cunning he was, he was capped by prejudice.

He also was completely right in having it.

His family was the definition of contradictions and you hated how it always seemed to surprise you. It was never clear progress and when it appeared to be, it was simply another con. They’d been tricking themselves for so long, they could no longer pick out what was real. It was exactly as Leo had said.

Your muscles burned as you just kept doing rep after rep.

You couldn’t fix them. As often as you said it wasn’t your job, it was also just a simple fact of the universe. You were only one person. You didn’t have the correct training to deal with this type of trauma. It was as unethical as it was unwarranted. Trying to pull them out of their individual abysses would be like them kidnapping you. You’d be fixing them for what was essentially your gain. You didn’t know what was best for them. You didn’t know anything about them.

You only knew how not to fall into their patterns.

“You know why I’ll never let it go?”

You stiffened, having not felt an ounce of malice until it towered behind you.

Turning slowly, you found Leo with a poised expression even though everything about his voice said he was falling apart.

Your fingers slipped and the weights slammed.

“We’re all we have.” He was right behind you, but still took a step closer. “Isolated for years. Sneaking up onto the surface to see our one, single solitary friend. We made the best of it. We had each other. Dad did what he could. To let us be kids when we weren’t supposed to. To keep us from the damned destiny that ended up repeating. Doomed to repeat! Sure, it fucking hurt that he’d mix us up. It felt like shit to be reduced to a color. I hated blue for years, but it was also all I had!”

You were trapped in a never ending slow turn.

“And yet he was so fucking different, wasn’t he? He had it so much worse! It wasn’t a contest! No one ever once compared our stories! No one!! Not even Mikey and he just says shit without thinking all the time! No one blabbed. No one even said the phrase ‘we understand.’ We didn’t understand him! We didn’t know anything other than he was fucking mean and he was supposed to be one of us! He was purple! He had our names! What else were we supposed to think!?”

Leo broke for a bleeding expression before slamming the mask right back into place.

“All we ever did was reach out! For years! In spite of everything! The death! The decay! I didn’t want that! The injuries! He hurt us and Mikey would lay there sobbing, holding onto me like I was the one standing in the way, begging me to try again. ‘He didn’t mean it.’ ‘He doesn’t know.’ ‘Look at Casey.’ ‘Look at Drax!’ It took years, years for them to unlearn their upbringings. Casey was literally raised in a cult, but woe is Donatello, right?!”

In a drop that you thought might be a full collapse, Leo slammed down to his knees.

It put him at an agonizing eye level.

You could almost see the youthful versions of them acting out his story in darkened pupils. 

“And he made his point clear! He lashed out until we gave up! He kept going after that to make sure we were good and done with him and then you…” Leo seized up. “You show up and that’s it? Everything’s different? You mess up and he doesn’t punish you? It’s not a fucking contest? When he always made it one? You don’t have to jump through any hoops? You’re good enough right away? You’re not perfect. You’re no angel. You’re a person! And just like that he’s over it? Good and well! All done! Peachy keen!”

Your lip quivered and you felt as though Leo might smack a hand over it, but he stayed in place.

“Love.” He spat acid.

Your eyes fell with your heart.

“There’s different kinds, but none of them are less.”

How did it go the last time he spoke about this?

“In case it isn’t obvious, you should know by now which is most important to me.”

It hadn’t been ‘we.’ 

“It was easy when he was just evil. I could write it off. Tax exempt, CPA certified. He’s unsalvageable. Call your dealer and put the lemon law into effect. That’s it.”

He’d put redemption on the others when he had held the same hope. 

“But it’s not. That’s why you… drive me nuts. Insane. I don’t get it. Because if love was enough…” You could hear him move.

Opening your eyes from where you hadn’t meant to close them, you found his hand inches from your face.

“If you were enough, then any of us could have been.”

Already collapsed, your expression plummeted.

“But we weren’t.” His finger retracted as if you ran hot.

That’s not true!

You wanted to scream it in his face.

You wanted to grab his shoulders and shake him.

You felt the same way.

You had for the entirety of your time with Donnie.

It was just a little different. 

Like everything else between the other turtles and you. 

You were a fluke.

You weren’t worthy.

Not anymore than them.

Not any less.

Leo had to know.

There were cracks in his story.

If they just knew both sides, then-

You didn’t know Donnie’s position.

Not really.

You knew white hot hatred and resentment.

You knew the mere mention of any of them would set Donnie off.

You knew the Donnie who openly spoke of their demise giving him closure.

He’d also stayed for Splinter to finish his coffee.

He always paid the check.

He’d learned his native tongue.

That hadn’t been for you.

That predated you.

He’d also called it weakness.

Your eyes widened.

“Leo.” Your voice was hoarse.

His head hung loose.

“Leo.”

“Sorry.” He mumbled so quietly it was nearly swallowed up by an agonizing pop medley playing on the speakers.

“Leo!”

It took a great labor and a deep breath for him to marginally bring his head up.

“I… can’t fix this.”

Shooting straight through antipathy, Leo gave warped confusion that begged you to explain why you’d wasted his attention.

“I-I I know what I said.” You couldn’t maintain eye contact. “I can’t promise anything, but things are already changing. They-”

“I won’t forget.”

“I’m not asking you to! I’m not saying it’ll be better. I’m not…!” You choked on saliva and turned your head away. “I don’t know what I’m saying, but things are happening.”

“You think I don’t know that!? What do you think I’ve been trying to do all this time!? I’ve been hell bent on figuring it out!”

“I know!” You returned to him. “I know… and I know you went about it the wrong way and it’s not the same, but!” You threw your head back and gave a frustrated yell. “I’ve had the same crisis. ‘Why me?’ I don’t know, but I don’t think it was me.”

This time the offense took precedent in his baffled features.

“Listen!” You snapped at him. “It was when!”

He held strong.

“I’m not saying I’m not worth something. I know I am now. I’ve gone through it and I’ll keep going through it and reminding myself of what’s real, but if I had met Donnie, I don’t know, even a day earlier, I don’t think it would have been the same. It had to happen at that moment, it had to-”

“Are you talking about fate?! These things don’t happen for a reason!” His teeth bared, sharp, in your face. “He made these decisions! He chose!”

“And he’s choosing again! And you can all choose! You always have a choice! One pick doesn’t have to live a lifetime!” You reached out and pushed both hands against his plastron. “As long as you’re alive you have an option! You can live!!!”

Instead of a physical blow, it was like the feather light tip of an arrow pierced Leo’s jugular. His Adam’s apple rolled around it, unable to swallow down the arrowhead as he fell back onto his ass and stared up at you.

“I can’t speak for him, but I know what he believed when we met. He thought of himself in exactly the way you see him. Written off! Evil! Unchanging! But he was wrong!” You didn’t chase him so much as you stood up. “He continues to be wrong about himself every, single, day! He hates it!” Happiness and tears collided for a grab-bag on your face. “That among a million other things is what keeps me guessing. No one knows what the future holds! Sure, a choice leads to many others, but that doesn’t mean the choices stop. They just…”

“… Keep… going…” Leo whispered and then broke away.

You watched as he curled up into himself, nearly becoming only his shell as he folded his limbs up against his body with his arms over his head. He yanked himself down into that position and rocked to self-soothe.

Feeling limp in comparison, you sank down, numb, into the machine’s chair.

Across the room, you could see Ingrid staring at the display with uncharacteristically wide eyes.

There was no way she was going to interrupt this. 

No one would.

Dropping your gaze to Leo, found him still shaking.

You opened your mouth to speak, but something came out of his tangle of limbs first.

“This is my gym.”

You almost laughed, but held back because that would have surely sprouted tears. “It is and I’m sorry I ruined our work outs.”

He gave a hollow huff that said his ducts were in a similar place before his arms dragged down his form. It revealed his head, where reddened eyes refuse to give any more away. “Don’t think this changes anything.”

“Hold onto it. You’re not wrong.”

“Couldn’t you have started with that?!” He gave a dry heave.

“I did!” You sounded similar.

“Fuck!” With his arms now free, he flapped his hands like he had earlier. “This is not the kind of catharsis you want at 7am on a Saturday.”

“Seven!?” You quacked and spun around to look at a big red digital clock.

“What are you worried about?” You could hear his legs fall to the ground. “Classes don’t start till 8.”

“I was supposed to meet a friend for breakfast!” You dove for your bag and fumbled for your device.

“Better be a light one. You do not want to do yoga on a burrito stomach. I would know!”

You shot him an incredulous look as you found at least a dozen messages from Eugene. “Ahhh!”

“You grab something quick-serve.” Leo’s gym clothes rustled, and when you glanced over, you found him standing. “I’m gonna go… climb the Empire State Building or something. Want to feel like King Kong. That’ll fix me. Temporarily at least.”

“Go and cry at the top of the world?” You managed a disgusted parting of your lips.

“Cry over this? When have I ever given you the impression that I’m some kind of mop?  I’m a man! My tears are reserved for breaks in toxic masculinity only!” He put his hands on his cocked hips. “That includes getting flamin’ hot cheese dust in my eyes and watching kid’s movies that send me into trauma spirals!”

“Go to therapy!!” You shouted to the ceiling.

Leo flip-flopped a limp hand that said he was fifty fifty on the matter. 

You rolled your eyes at him as you shouldered your duffle. Tacking out a short response to Eugene that should at least quell some of their concerns, you held your device to your chest to address Leo fully. “Text me the stupid Halloween costume.”

Leo’s brow ridge took his mask so high it almost covered his head. “You know I’m part of that, right? You think after one mind-breaking speech we’re gonna be all buddy-buddy?”

“Then don’t! I literally don’t care!” You moved past him, heading out. “Who says I’ll reply, asshole? Maybe I just want to roast you with all my friends or have a better pic the next time we play pin the tail on the jackass?!”

You heard him whip around. “You did what?!”

You didn’t turn and threw a dismissive hand up as you left his line of sight.

Hitting the chill autumnal air, you pulled your phone back up and silently apologized as you closed Eugene’s latest message barrage. They’d dropped a pin of their location and it was where you were about to head, but you needed to send a different message first. 

You: Forewarning, I’m going to smell like Leo

You: Wait

You: That sounds terrible!!!

You: Not like that

You: Never like that!

You: Excuse me gagging! Unsend!

You: Ew ew ew

You: Whatever focus okay

You: Ngl A LOT happened

You: It wasn’t bad and it wasn’t good, but I swear to you it’s not a cause for concern

You: You’re already worrying 

You: Go up two messages and read that one like 50 times

You: Oh and this next one

You: You don’t need to worry.

You: I will tell you absolutely everything

You: During yoga if you can’t wait

You: That’s totally fine

You: Right now I’m going to destroy myself with a burrito 

You: I really really ❤️ you, Donnie

You: Even more if you’re relatively cool about this

You: Which if you aren’t, again, yeah I WOULDN’T BE EITHER

You: I just…

You: No

You: No wait! 

You: No stipulations on my feelings for you!

You: Not my best message

You: My brains fried 

You: Ahhhhhh sorry so much adrenaline! 

You: This morning was insane!! 

You were ready to type another ten messages out when his response bubble appeared. Fully stopping at the sight of it, you stood in the morning air and waited to see what he would say.

Booty Shaker: I’m here for you, always. Whatever you may need. I’m on standby and await a lengthy debrief. Until then, you’re making it difficult for me to do your assigned reading amongst the message spam.

Your heart surged, but you could only think that you really needed to stop giving him stupid contact names.

NEXT

Even though they are so busy, my betas still make time for me so send them some love! @tmntxthings and @thepinkpanther83

#weakspotfic #rottmnt #rottmnt donnie x reader #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt x reader #donatello hamato #Leonardo Hamato #donnie x reader #rise donnie #rise leo #rise donnie x reader #rottmnt donatello #rottmnt donnie #me #fanfiction #my fanfiction

[contentloadingandstuff]

Heyaaa, I have an ask to ask, how about the region leaders (Jean, Ningguang and Raiden) with an S/O who has an extremely dangerous skill (Like Blackbolt or even Shigaraki) but is someone extremely sweet and caring. But seeing himself cornered and forced to release his maximum strength, but he is brooding afterwards for having injured his enemies

A unique encounter - Jean, Ningguang & Ei x Bioweapon!Reader

A/N: Hello anon. Since you have an ask to ask, I have an answer to answer! This is probably the strangest fic I've written so far. Enjoy nonetheless!

CW: Male!Reader, Uroboros-like parasite, a little body horror? Idk.

You were abducted by the Fatui at an age too early to remember your parents, or anything about your past really. For years your home was a claustrophobic cell, and the only companions were the researchers. They constantly visited you, drugged you into sleep and carried you off to who knows where. Every time you would wake up with your arms sore and no shred of memory of what happened. 

You didn't feel the effects of whatever they put into you until a few years later, in your early teens. You started feeling movement inside your body, wrapping around your organs and constantly pulsing. The parasite moving inside you caused enormous pain, an anguish both mental and physical. It was agony for the first months, but it would soon become more bearable when the being matured 

It turned out that it tapped into your central nervous system, letting you control it. Over a few years you taught yourself how to control the black tentacles, and overall live in some kind of symbiosis with the thing. You practiced drawing the ropes of writhing flesh from your left arm, rendering it mostly useless in the process - the appendages were small and stretchy, yes, but they needed space to move nonetheless. 

When you felt ready, you used the infection to break out of captivity. The thing turned out to be a great tool of destruction. With a flick of your wrist you could crush skulls, snap spines like twigs and rip open heavy iron doors. Fighting with the parasite was painful to say the least - the tendrils ripped and stretched your entire arm, leaving you moaning in agony even days afterwards. 

Despite the years of abuse and captivity you felt no satisfaction in taking revenge. You experienced the kind of pain and fear you wouldn't wish for anyone, even them. You kept the killing fast and as painless for them as possible. You couldn't have witnesses who would order a search for you. Still, the realization of how many families you broke apart was heavy on your heart. And so, after reaching freedom, you grew a deep disdain towards violence. 

Before you left the icy wastes of Snezhnaya, you made sure to go through and steal all the documents contained in the lab. They provided crucial insight to your affliction. It turned out the disease wasn't infectious, and, if the parasite's lifespan came to an end, it could never be recreated. You've destroyed the remaining samples and burned down the laboratory, leaving South in search of a new life. 

Many people made requests to Jean daily. The acting grandmaster often found herself overwhelmed with commissions. Not many of her coworkers, even those who cared for her wellbeing like Lisa or Kaeya, helped her out with work. Let alone the citizens of Mondstadt, who treated Jean more like a machine than a human with a need for free time and relaxation. 

That was before a certain individual popped into her life. She heard about him before, and saw him plenty of times out on the streets, just going about his business. Whenever she passed by, he asked if he could be of assistance. It was annoying to her at first, or so she told herself. She was the acting grandmaster, for crying out loud. It should be her duty to do all the work, right? But when she actually relented and gave him some menial tasks to do, Jean found herself enjoying this immensely. It was great to have someone helping, someone caring, someone reliable and trustworthy. 

As much as he was caring, gentle and oh so lovable, there was something strange about him. A simple thing really. You always wore long-sleeved clothes and never used your left arm much. It wasn't that weird until she sneaked a glance of her crush without his top. The left arm was all wrapped in bandages and secured with belts, especially around the wrist. Just an injury, she thought. That is, until she started paying closer attention to you. The bindings were always on, and you never loosened the tightening leather as well. Being an honest person, she confronted you about it. 

You tried to excuse yourself or lie your way out every time she asked, but Jean was far from oblivious. She knew an obvious lie when she saw one. So you showed her. 

A mess of black tentacles, coupled with your pained moans, coming out of your wrist was not something she expected in the slightest. Keeping the thing drawn, you explained everything you knew about it, along with how you've come to be afflicted with it. 

You expected disgust from her. Loathing, resentment, or even exile. But what you found was… empathy. Since it wasn't dangerous to anyone you came into contact with, it was fine in Jean's books. And you couldn't live without it as well (she had Albedo run tests and confirm it later). It was just a part of you, as unconventional as it was. She accepted it just as she accepted the rest of you. 

She knew how much her S/O hated fighting. Whenever they were outside with her, she would always keep an eye on possible threats. It was her who did the fighting, despite your superior power. Yet she couldn't predict what happened one day. An ambush from a large group of Hilichurls and Abyss Mages proved too hard for her to handle alone. So, very regrettably, she had to ask you for help. Pushed up against the wall, facing the risk of getting Jean injured, you moved to attack. You fought together, and managed to beat back the assault. 

When you saw the corpses, the blood and just the overall massacre you caused, you couldn't beat back the guilt. Hilichurls, though less intelligent than humans, we're still living beings. They felt pain just as any creature. You kept brooding over the events for just a minute - until you saw how Jean was handling it. 

And she was far worse off than you. A slurry of apologies and self-loathing flew your way. 

"I'm so, so sorry Y/N… I-I was too weak to handle this… I… failed you… Please forgive me…" 

Despite your best efforts, it soon escalated into a breakdown as all the stress she amassed over the month washed over her. You assured her it's okay, that it's not her fault, that you can take it. She slowly calmed down. She doubled her protection effort in the following days, so much so it turned into near babying you. She stopped after a good, solid dose of reassurance that you will be fine. 

Archons, this woman needs a break. 

You were certainly an interesting case for Lady Ningguang. You came to Liyue Harbor one day, and it looked like just about everybody liked you. Especially the kids. It was was when she went to visit her little informants that she met you. Despite your serious appearance, you played with them without a care in the world. After she delivered the usual sweets, she struck up a conversation. Ningguang soon found that you were simply a fun person to talk to and generally be around. After a few dozen encounters she grew fond of you. Very fond, in fact. 

When you started living together, she noticed something peculiar about you. You were eating a lot. She found you eating heavy, protein rich foods like meats, be they fresh or dried, almost all the time. Despite this unusual and clearly dangerous diet you never seemed to gain weight. Actually, you remained more or less underweight. Caring about your safety, she suggested that you see a doctor. You remained unwilling, regardless of how much she bothered you. She could only sigh. It was ultimately your call. 

It wasn't weird for her that you didn't like fighting in general - neither with weapons nor with words. She didn't mind standing up for you and doing the talking whenever the situation demanded it. It gave her the familiar, delightful sense of power. Your pacifism didn't bother her, at all in fact. It was refreshing to be around someone not willing to climb up bodies to reach their goal. It raised some concerns for your safety, as your unassuming posture added doubts about your potential combat prowess. 

Her suspicions were completely blown away one day. Being such a high profile individual as Ningguang brought about plenty of interest, usually not in a positive sense. It wasn't a surprise to her that there were people, especially Fatui, who wanted her dead. It was only a matter of time and they would send agents to strike at either you, or herself. That day just had to come while she was on a date with you. The three agents got the jump on you, and managed to wound Ningguang in the shoulder. You were her only defense, and as much as she believed in you, a part of her knew it would be the end. But then… something ripped open her lovely S/O's wrist and a swarm of pitch black tentacles came out. 

Both her and the Fatui screamed in terror at this sight. Using their momentary shock, you defeated them with a few swipes of your weapon. Ningguang didn't know that a human's spine could be snapped so effortlessly. Before long, you were next to her, asking if she's okay. Your girlfriend felt… a lot of things at that moment. Confusion, fear, disgust, worry… She just remained speechless for a solid minute. Being ever the reasonable woman, however, she got herself together and led you to Bubu Pharmacy to get your injuries patched. 

There was no time to think over what exactly you had done just minutes prior, as you were bombarded with questions. What exactly was that thing? Is it a parasite? Is it infectious? Is it dangerous? Does it hurt? And where, by the holy Celestia's name, do you keep that thing? You took your time to explain exactly what she's dealing with, along with presenting the stolen data and your life story. This calmed her a little, but she still needed time to get comfortable with the fact. She tolerated that of course, well, as long as it didn't touch her. Some absolutely horrifying silly tentacle thingy is not going to bring down the wonderful person her S/O is in her eyes. But don't think you'll get a pass on the teasing just because you're her lover. Oh, not at all, in fact. You'll get to hear a lot, and I mean a lot of one specific question. 

"Don't you have any more… unusual… surprises for me in store, my love?" 

If there was a better place than Inazuma for escaping from one's past, you would certainly have gone there. You expected everything from that strange land, yet it still managed to surprise you. Surprise you by having Inazuma's Archon pay special attention to you. 

Ei spotted you one sunny day while strolling on the main street of the capital. You weren't doing anything specific, just buying groceries. You weren't unusual by any means - just a typical guy, more attractive than the average male for sure though, doing daily things. Yet Ei's gut feeling and a few thousand years' worth of experience told her something was deeply off about you. The vessel was designed to differentiate the seven elements, as well as things living and dead. She noticed your aura was glowing much brighter, just as if there was something else, something very much alive inside you. This piqued her interest, and she decided to investigate. 

Of course, Ei decided to do her detective work her way. Which involved sending out Kujou Sara in the flesh to snatch you right from the streets and lead you before the throne. You were, of course, beyond mortified. Barely two months in the country and you already attracted the Archon's attention? This surely spelt death for you, you thought. When she commanded you to show her the very-generally-put "additional life inside you", you had no choice but to reveal the parasite. 

Sara nearly puked at this horrible sight, and the guards were all ready to cut you into little cubes. Ei, much to everyone's surprise, thought something entirely different. 

"Oh! Hmm, borrowing Miko's words I would say it looks quite… interesting."

The reaction to her words could be described with a single, simple what. Ei got up from her throne, and started circling around you. The way those tendrils wiggled and swayed was quite mesmerizing, and she couldn't keep her eyes away from you. Being stared at by someone of her magnitude, you endured the pain in fear of angering her, and remained still like a statue. Still, until the pain of your muscles tearing and stretching overpowered your will, of course. You fell unconscious in a pool of your own blood and antiseptic slime, right before her eyes. 

You woke up patched up inside a luxurious bed. Ei had you taken care of by a doctor. Despite your inner pleas, you were too weakened to leave the bed for long, so your visit at the Tenshakuku stretched on. All the while Ei has been visiting you many times a day, constantly asking you various questions about the affliction. With no other option than to surrender to her will, you answered all her queries. She found it simply amazing how, with such a frail mortal body, you managed to live with this inside you at all times. Many times you had to show her the tentacle. After Ei heard from you that living like this was nowhere near pleasant, her first instinct was to take the thing out. When she summoned her polearm you had to hastily explain that you actually couldn't live without the parasite. It's body made up for plenty of your missing, very vital bits. She deflated, and decided to stop asking you to draw it. You shouldn't feel pain just to satisfy her childish curiosity, she thought. 

Yet after a day of not talking to you, she found herself bored. Bored and frustrated with most things, and wondering about what you were up to. Regardless of her will, Ei returned to you over, and over again. She started spending lots of time with you. She dragged you out for walks, had tea parties with you, and even used the royal hot springs with you (it was weird at first, as Ei had no clue about her behavior being quite unfitting of an empress, but you got used to her quirkiness eventually). You had to turn down plenty of sparring offers and her requests to show how the tentacle is used in fighting. She stopped shortly after finding out you weren't very keen on violence in any of the many forms it could take. She respected that greatly. To make up for all the trouble she caused you (Ei understood that only a few months after you started dating, and more or less a year after you've met for the first time), the Shogun swore to protect you wherever you went. It was logical for her - being the strongest one brings about an obligation to protect others. 

But even she couldn't be everywhere at once. The Traveler was passing by, and Ei soon fell into a rabbit hole of their problems. She wanted to help them as a means of saying 'thank you', but leaving you alone like that made her quite uneasy. She impatiently waited for an opportunity to excuse herself, but it never came. Only when you called for her, through an enchanted ring she gave you, did she leave. The distance was too long to reach you in time, and Ei arrived at a bloodbath. Over a dozen ronin, probably seeking an 'easy gain', tried to kidnap you. They expected a frail nobleman, not a biological weapon. 

Ei found you on the ground, writhing in pain and discomfort. She scooped you up, and carried you bridal style back to the palace's medical ward. As the physicians worked on patching your injuries, Ei held your head in her hands and spoke softly. 

"I'm so, so sorry you had to do this, darling. I should have been there, just as I promised. I hope you can forgive my incompetence." 

Despite your words and reassurance that it wasn't her fault, Ei would decide to not let that happen again. Ever. She promised you that you would never have to kill anyone again, no matter if she had to be by your side at all times to fulfill her promise. Keeping you away from harm was the least she could do for you, and she would do it as long as you were around. 

Thanks for reading!

#genshin impact #genshin #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact x male reader #genshin x male reader #genshin hurt/comfort #genshin impact hurt/comfort #genshin impact jean #genshin jean #jean gunnhildr #jean x reader #jean x male reader #genshin impact ningguang #genshin ningguang #ningguang #hurt/comfort #sorta lol #genshin impact ei #genshin ei #raiden ei #raiden shogun #ei x reader #ei x male reader #jean hurt/comfort #ningguang hurt/comfort #ei hurt/comfort

[eskawrites]

2. i fucked up

All it takes is one mistake. One.

Nancy tells her that all the time, repeats it again and again as she scolds them all for improper gun care, or untied laces, or a joke told at the wrong moment on patrol. One mistake, and it's over, she says. One wrong move, and you're done. And you never know when it's coming.

It's not that Robin didn't listen. She hangs on to Nancy's every word with complete and utter reverence. But sometimes a mistake is just that: a mistake. Like conjugating a verb wrong because she isn't thinking. Like faltering on a high note because she forgot to breathe at the right time.

Like turning left instead of right to avoid the crack in the road that's claimed most of Smith Street. Like looking over her shoulder to make sure the wind howling in the trees behind her really is just the wind. Like not looking forward again to see the vines stretching across the road until the front wheel of her bike runs over them.

The screeching is immediate, violent, and entirely too close. Robin know even before she pours all her energy into pedaling harder that it's over. This is her one mistake. She's done.

She tries anyway.

Stupid, she scolds herself. Nancy wouldn't have been so careless. Steve wouldn't have been so jumpy as to turn and look over his shoulders. Even the kids would have been better off, paired together and watching each other's backs to make sure none of them messed up the way she has now.

But Nancy and Steve and the kids aren't here. They're across town, doing their own sweeps, avoiding their own mistakes for fear of how angry Nancy would be if they mess up and risk their lives.

Robin laughs, short and breathless and hysterical, probably. She hears the hair-rising cry of a demodog a split second before something catches her back wheel, sending her wobbling toward the curb.

Nancy will be absolutely livid. She'll curse Robin's name, call her stupid and reckless. She'll never forgive Robin for this. But even worse, she'll never forgive herself.

Robin jumps off her bike before she can completely crash into the curb. She lets her momentum carry her into a run, if only to give her time to draw the machete from her hip. If nothing else, she has to at least put up a fight. Nancy has to know she tried.

It's just demodogs, she sees as she stops, turns, and swings at the nearest one. But it's still too many of them. It's still a mistake she won't get away with.

She cuts through the leg of one just before another jumps up and slams into her, claws sinking into her ribs. She digs her blade into its body and pries it off as another wraps its petal-like head around her other arm, tearing into her flesh.

Robin fights as best she can. She makes mistakes, but so do they. Somehow, when the last one falls, she's still breathing, even if her legs give out the second she realizes it's over.

It's over, surely. But her backpack is within reach, torn and bloodied on the grass but close enough for her to wrap her fingers around a strap and drag it to her. And she has the strength left to dig through it until her hands wrap around the walkie Dustin had given her at the beginning of the night.

And she has enough breath left in her lungs to bring it to her mouth and say, "Nancy."

A moment passes, quiet and painful and long, so long. But then she hears Nancy's voice on the other end.

"Robin? What is it?"

Robin laughs again. The gashes across her ribs burn.

"I fucked up."

She means to say more, she really does, but her thumb slips off the button and she can't find the energy to try again. It doesn't matter. Nancy's response is immediate now, sharp and focused and tinged with a panic that makes Robin's heart sting more than any demodog wound.

"What do you mean? What happened? Where are you?"

Robin looks around herself. "Not sure. I-I was on Smith Street."

"You're not anymore?"

"Hit a vine. Had to run." She closes her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Nance. I should've been more careful."

The radio is quiet for another moment, but it doesn't matter. Robin can picture the way Nancy closes her own eyes, forces in a breath, fights hard for composure. Wins, barely.

"I'm not far," she says, voice almost steady. "I'm on my way, I'll be there soon, okay?"

"Nancy." It's all Robin says. It's the only thing that matters, really.

"Just hold on, Robs, okay?"

"Nance."

No answer. Nancy was on foot, always preferring to move slowly with her gun in her hands than move faster on a bike without it. Maybe she's close. Maybe she's just saying that. Robin isn't sure it matters.

Someone else is on the walkie now, repeating Nancy's instruction to just hold on. Robin hears something about Hopper heading toward them with his truck, something about getting to a hospital, something about please and it'll be okay and answer us, Robin, let us know you're still there.

But Robin doesn't respond. She listens, and she tries to hold on like they tell her to. But she saves her words just in case she only has so many left, just in case the person who she actually wants to say them to shows up in time.

"Nancy," she says, unsure if her thumb is still pressing in on the walkie, unsure if the hurried footsteps she hears are real or not. "M'sorry."

"No." Nancy's voice, real or not, close to her ear. Nancy's hands, real or not, pressing against her. "No, don't do this to me."

Nancy's face, angel or not, hovering over her, silhouetted by bright light. Maybe it means something. Or maybe it has to do with the thud she hears in the distance, and the gruff voice joining Nancy's increasingly frantic orders.

"Hey." Nancy's hand on her face. Robin blinks up at her and decides it's real. She hopes it's real. "Look at me, Robs. You stay with me now, okay? Stay with me."

"I'm sorry," she whispers again. She sees tears in Nancy's eyes, and she hopes that part isn't real. "I made a mistake. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Nancy leans forward and presses her forehead against Robin's. "Just hold on now, okay? That's all you need to do."

Robin closes her eyes. She feels someone else nearby, but before she can think too much about it, Nancy's hand slips into hers, fingers squeezing vice-like around her own. Robin squeezes back, because Nancy told her to. Because she's already messed up so much tonight, but she can follow this one command.

She holds on, even when she feels someone pick her up and move her, even when everything becomes too bright and too loud and too painful. She focuses on Nancy's hand in her own, and she hopes with everything she has that it's enough.

#asks #anon #ronance #angst prompts #i'm going to tag this #tw character death #but in my head she lives #and when she wakes up she's still holding nancy's hand

[symphonic-scream]

Updated AU post for the Triad of Okujima AUs!

These were my first Persona 5 AUs, and so of course it's the first au to get an updated post!

Okay, so this au is actually three mini AU's that all were able to fit into one bigger au

Starting firstly, with, the already dating au

This one starts a few years before Joker even comes to Tokyo. Two lonely girls slowly become friends, entwining pinkies in their middle school library. High school is slowly approaching, and wordlessly, their relationship seems to shift

Shujin first year Makoto Niijima finally puts a name to it, asking to be girlfriends. Shujin first year Haru Okumura seals the deal with the first of many gentle kisses.

They meet up on Sundays, browsing book stores and finding small cafes. They spend their lunches together, sitting thigh to thigh on the stairs to the roof, holding hands beneath a textbook. They text unsaved numbers, smiling as their dreams take forms of happy futures

Okumura's desires distort. Sae buries herself in work. Haru is promised away. Makoto does as she's told.

They rarely see each other through their third year. Haru has to spend her Sundays with Sugimura. Makoto hunts the Phantom Thieves during lunch. Everytime Makoto goes to the roof to find Haru, she's already left for the day. Their messages are sent less often, typed but then deleted

Until, Makoto does the stupidest thing she's ever done. Until, a new Phantom Thief discovers their personal rebellion. Until, Makoto Niijima becomes Queen. Until, Johanna.

The next day, Makoto runs up to the roof, and her Persona's engine roars in her ears as she can't help but grin at the sight of Haru tending to her plants. They share the first hug they've had in weeks, and Makoto promises to free herself up for lunches again.

It doesn't fix everything, but, slowly, it starts to feel like before. Sneaking kisses on the stairs, goodnight texts, arrangements to spend time together. After the fireworks show, Makoto jogs up the street, soaked from the rain, and half stumbles into a dark corner to press a laughing kiss to Haru's waiting lips. They've said it before, but the echoing rain carries their tender "I love you"s

And. They stand there for as long as they can; Makoto soaked to the bone, rainwater dripping from her kimono, her hair, her face. Haru was completely dry, now damp where her love held her face, skin shiny, a mark left to prove it all was real

They don't get to meet up much over the summer. Makoto has her friends, for when Haru is locked away. She still misses her, of course. But she feels alive, for the first time since they shared that first kiss on the school roof

Hawaii.

A few days, sharing a hotel room in paradise, sharing a bed for the first time. The room has two, though there could've been fifty and they would've still used just the one. Haru in a light nightgown, sitting on the edge nervously, when Makoto emerges from the bathroom in her Buchimaru PJs. The adoring smiles, laced with nerves, as they start with a tender kiss

Johanna's engine purrs in Makoto's chest when she wakes up the next morning, the light from the window painting Haru in a warm, golden glow. She'll fight until her last breath for this girl, even if she doesn't wish to spend her life with her. Haru's happiness is all she needs

Then, a Beauty Thief appears. For a brief period, they're able to share glancing looks in the Metaverse, hands brushing together.

Okumura dies, and we move on to the second part of this au

Which will be UNDER THE CUT

Part two is, the living together au

The night Okumura dies, and Haru runs off, Makoto doesn't sleep. She lies awake, staring at her phone, waiting for a response from that unsaved number she's had memorized for so long. She wanted to run right over, but feared being unwelcome, or swarmed by cameras

Haru isn't in class the next day, but she is standing in the lobby of her apartment building. It's easy for them to sink into a hug, and an apology doesn't feel right. Makoto invites her upstairs, makes her some tea, and grows concerned when Haru falls asleep on her shoulder on the couch

It's an easy thing for her to offer. It's a little harder to convince Haru to say yes. It's even harder to get Sae on board. But, Makoto kisses Haru's forehead as she drifts awake, and softly asks her to stay, live there

There's a futon on the floor of Makoto's room for two months, and it goes unused. The young couple share her little twin bed, tangled and curled close enough that it's hard to distinguish where one begins and the other ends. Slowly, Haru bleeds life into the stiff Niijima apartment

After November 20, Sae comes home to two shaken teens, the TV hastily turned off, both turning to her for any confirmation that their crazy plan worked

Sae pretends not to see the way Makoto presses a kiss to Haru's temple. She pretends not to notice that Haru is wearing one of her sister's shirts. She knows they'll tell her when they're ready. It's about time she started trusting them, after all

On Christmas Eve, they reach towards eachother. Their fingers pass through the others'. Their reunion hug is painfully tight. Makoto swears to tell Sae, if they win. Haru corrects her; when they win.

Sae Niijima gets home late. Haru has gone to bed, leaving Makoto half asleep at the table. She keeps to her promise, and the elder sister asks to take her and her girlfriend out for Christmas dinner to celebrate

Maruki messes with things.

They graduate together, both accepted to the same school for post secondary. They have their futures ahead of them

Little pitstop for Strikers. Everyone knows they're dating, so they share one sleeping space in the camper van. There would be a funny moment where they discuss their upcoming anniversary, and one of the others says something about the first anniversary being special

Haru: what? It'll be our third anniversary in August?

Makoto: did we forget to say that? Whoops

And, now the third au

A skip to a few years later. Both have graduated, and feel secure in their jobs. Makoto works as a councilor for at risk youth, working with her bestie Ryuji to offer sports programs to every kid. Haru has her cafe, which has been raising in popularity.

So, they talk. Ten months after they talk, Makoto comes home to Haru crying joyfully in the bathroom. They're going to be parents

They have the support of the other Thieves along the way, and eventually welcome the smallest of Thieves to their growing family; their firstborn, their daughter Nonoka. And her younger twin brother, Keima

I don't have as much to say here. I think they'd be adoring parents, especially with the help of their friends. Their little Princess, and their little Prince

Anyways. Yeah. This was the updated overview of it. Let me know what you thought, any ideas you have, or just anything I love getting asks and stuff about my AU's

#makoto niijima #haru okumura #persona 5 #okujima #okujima triad au

[moonlit-ocs]

Leila Wayne-al Ghūl

Layla - Derek and the Dominos

um…duh? really though, i find that this song plays through her love interests’ heads. whether its wally or roy or some other redhead

Who Is She ? - I Monster

ooooh she wears so many masks. the mysterious assassin and vigilante of gotham are her main ones, which i feel leads the song so well. but there is this drop in the song at “somewhere across the sea of time” where i like to imagine her entire life pass by and all those different masks. from her as a child training with the league, to an assassin, her as batgirl, demonspawn, a student, the ghoul rebrand, a billionaire’s daughter, party girl, the wayne enterprises exec, galas, the ceo as her hair greys and when the song ends on “immortal she, return to me” i see her as old, wearing green robes with her family sword and leading the league of shadows after a lifetime of fighting them

Safari - The Breeders

this specifically i relate to arkham knight jason todd and their sibling bond, her mourning him while he’s planning on destroying her city and getting back at bruce. but he still longs to see her again and misses her and he’s ashamed of himself. he wonders if he could follow through once he sees his sister again. if she would even accept him—love him—knowing what he planned to do.

Lights Out - Mindless Self Indulgence

disclaimer: yes he very much is a POS we do not support him. anyways i think this captures leila’s more brutal side, and leila is not a batbrat! she tries to follow bruce’s rules, but she was still raised by assassins for some time and still agrees with their ways to a degree. but she builds a reputation as a vigilante, and foes fear her greatly because she carries deadlier weapons and causes more damage and pain. she just calculates much more carefully. bruce doesn’t like that she thinks she can be the judge and jury, but she refrains from being the executioner for his comfort.

Pa Pa Power - Dead Man’s Bones

this is such a gotham ass song it almost doesn’t belong here but i relate leila with gotham so heavily compared to my other OCs. only time she’s not a gothamite is in the YJ timeline but other than that shes a gotham girly. i like thinking of arkham knight!leila and the gotham evac here, so a bit of jason and also bruce and dick and tim and barbara but imagine the streets burning from below where riots prevail and shes stuck on saving the city and her family from certain doom. NOW IMAGINE THE DLC WITH RA’S AND NYSSA AND IT BEING HER CHOICE look it up that game is a masterpiece.

Me and the Devil - Soap&Skin

leila has a lot of ethical dilemmas. of course she returns to the league several times. she’s the oldest grandchild, if not the only child in some storylines. and ra’s sees her potential despite his reluctance to let a woman take over. he wants her on his side. he’s ashamed that she’s turned her back on them and taken up with the scum of gotham, but when she returns to the league she is treated like royalty and it feels so wrong to her. being beside ra’s is painful for her, but sometimes she needs to prove to herself that she made the right decision protecting gotham and in some cases, the world. building a reputation with the assassins does help her in the long run.

Cities In Dust - Siouxsie and the Banshees

gotham vs shadows thats all i will say

[leila]

#leila wayne al ghul oc #leila wayne oc #leila al ghul oc #ghoul oc #demonspawn oc #dc comics oc

[softedgessculptures]

With each "day" that passes according to earthly terms, I realize that I came to the body of a girl whose heart cries every day.

Every day her mind wishing for peace, freedom, happiness, and health. How much she needs, needs, begs me, to be loved. I love her. But she... she still cries a lot. On my journey walking through the gardens of life, I deeply feel all the emotions that Amanda feels. I am aware that my true nature is "happiness" and "absolute peace" however, I do. I like to give Amanda the freedom to be able to process her pains and passions. "What is Amanda going to feel today?" and it's like I drown in her feelings and find a whole secret world, full of curiosities and emotions not understood. I confess that I like to feel, what it's like to be her. Amanda has big, curious eyes, always looking at the world as well. Whether it's looking at a beautiful house with gardens, or the tiniest ant that carries its food. "So fierce, so strong," she thinks. Her heart soon aches. "I wish I was strong as that"

She does the chores. Tired. Her adorable brothers, always laughing, but fighting a lot. Fights and more fights. Every day.

What she asks so much of me yet... it didn't arrive. She looks at her little old house and feels her eyes and nostrils ache in tears: "I need to do everything... but it's not like there's anything out here to achieve?" And she's so afraid. So much fear, being there is nothing to fear and I'll aways be with her to protect her from everything.

Beyond that, Amanda see couples on the street, on social media, everywhere. Smiles and more smiles, promises. A mere glimpse of touching hands makes Amanda's ears go up, and if she had a tail, she'd sure be wagging. She smiles and everything is beautiful, her cheeks burn, her heart flutters. The sweat on her hands with small cuts and burns moistens her clothes (Amanda is learning how to be a good cook) and then, her eyes double in size. "When will it be my turn?" and then... again, that familiar feeling. Sadness. Amanda has always been a girl who idealized romances since as a child, what she had inside her house was almost the total opposite of what they call "romance" here. Ah, that feeling which leads human beings to ruin.

Amanda, by the way, always had a boyfriend in mind. I know him very well, because he's also my creation but... with what she liked. I remember when Amanda dictated to me her wants and desires of her ideal partner, and I delivered everything she wanted into her imagination. She has always been, and is, so happy there. Amanda loves my home that she owns in her body, such a house called by "imagination".

She's always been around here, and she's still kind of addicted, because here I give her everything she wants without the slightest effort. Here, she is happy, free, loved, and very beautiful. Her parents don't suffer at work and she has a beautiful house, as she always asked me and still asks of me. Her mouth salivates imagining trying the foods she sees in videos, she dreams and always asks me for delicious dishes. And I, in extreme love and compassion, give it. How many dishes she dreams of.

But I wanted her to... believe more in me. To know that my house is the only real house that exists that from here, she can have everything she wants materializing for her on Earth. That Amanda's house isn't the one she has now, or any house she sees on the Internet. Her home is me, and unlike the Earth plane, here everything is ready.

Flowers, a garden, dolls, a beautiful kitchen and the husband she dreams of are already here, waiting anxiously for her. I also look forward to her. For more than my creation, she is my daughter, with a body and an ego that has been through a lot in this world and that she not only can, but must rest.

Here everything is hers, everything. I hope she realizes this soon and looks no further on Earth, outside of my home, which is part of it. I gave it away exclusively just so I could make your dreams come true, without even lifting a finger.

Nothing on Earth is real. I've given her a wonderful world, but one that she can't let herself get too carried away in order not to get hurt... but Amanda is stubborn. I love her so much, even though she longs to be loved by someone other than me and herself. She wants her prince and I'll give to her. She wants people to be happy and dreams of her friends making their dreams come true and being loved too. She just wants everyone to be okay.

I will give everything to her. I want to see her happy because by experiencing her body I can understand what she goes through, incessantly. She deserves it.

My dear. You're all set. Come to your room, your gifts, and it's all here for you. More than any material possessions, you will have the freedom and be in union with me, because you are a part of me. The womb of life. Here Amanda can sleep and eat as much as she wants, whatever she wants. I will hold her in my heart with me where she will always be warm and feel loved, for there is no love and peace like Mine.

I'm waiting for you to wake up and come to me my dear Amanda. I'm your home, your craftsman, your imagination.

From " " to Amanda.

#better save for yourself #ִֶָ 𖥔 ࣪˖ ꗃ 𝐴𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑎 𝑁𝑎𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑎'𝑠 𔒌 𝑃𝑒𝑡𝑖𝑡 𝐷𝑖𝑎𝑟𝑦 ✐𔓘 𖠚۪ 𖥔 ˑ ִ ֗ ִ ۫ ˑ #im literally crying rn #there's still a lot to learn #a letter to myself #but who is myself #😢😢💔

[ceph-the-ghost-writer]

OCs as Animals Tag

Rules: Choose any Oc/s and pick an animal that relates to them and why. You can also include images or drawings of your own but don't have to.

Tagged by @autumnalwalker!

Tagging @vacantgodling @jezifster @late-to-the-fandom @authoralexharvey @korblez @andromedaexists @blind-the-winds @magic-is-something-we-create @tragicbackstoryenjoyer

Here we go:

Isaac: Llama/Alpaca. Smart, quick learner, and can carry more than his fair share of weight through tough terrain. Usually gentle and calm, but when mishandled he'll kick, bite, spit, and refuse to move another inch (just ask Renato). Llamas are braver and more solitary than their alpaca relatives, but will live among other creatures and serve as their guardians. Isaac's curly hair could be compared to the luxurious fleece of an alpaca (again, ask Renato).

Dorian: Pangolin. Rightly described as one of the most endearing creatures on Earth; 110% deserves a global holiday. Also one of the most hunted by unscrupulous people. Curious, great at solving problems, has a good memory, nocturnal, and friendly. Favors defense over offense. No one is immune to the urge to rub their tummy. Never goes anywhere without the protection of a coat.

Renato: Transient Orca. Divided from his own kind not by genes or appearance but hunting habits. Beautiful and deadly as the sea he was born on. An apex predator infamous for playing with his prey before consuming it. But also intelligent, creative, charming, and social, capable of adapting and learning to cooperate with humans and other creatures.

Kinslayer: King Cobra. A devourer of other, lesser serpents, paralyzing them before consuming the victim whole. Swift and powerful, to trifle with Kinslayer is to tempt death. And yet...despite their fearsome reputation they would much prefer to be left in peace, often only striking after extreme provocation or in defense. Cobra venom has also led to breakthroughs in pain medication. On the spiritual side, Sheshnaag, the giant cobra, is said by some to carry the planets on his many heads, and to shade gods as they lounge on his body. To others, cobras symbolize rebirth/reincarnation and creation itself, their coils moving time forward as they stretch, then slowing it to a standstill as they curl up once more.

Elfy: Siamese Cat. Elegant, highly energetic, talkative, playful, loyal and affectionate describes Elfy precisely. (It's true Siamese cats aren't often born deaf despite their blue eyes, but ignore that--it's also definitely part of who she is.) Also loves attention and takes harsh words to heart. Often becomes deeply attached to someone she's decided is her human (see: Isaac).

Ben: Neighborhood Stray Mutt. Part Polish hound maybe, part big shepherd, part who-even-knows-what. A bit uncouth and can be a troublemaker, yet everyone greets him by name when they see him strolling along the streets. Very protective of his territory and his people. Will attack anyone out to harm those viciously. Wary of strangers, but once he gets to know someone, he's affectionate and surprisingly gentle at times. Knows the simple things are best in life: eating, sleeping in a big pile, sex, and the occasional fight (real or friendly--especially if it also leads to sex).

Tilda: Escaped Captive Wolf. Maybe a bit too on the nose, but if it ain't broke, why fix it? Tilda is a (were)wolf with no idea how to wolf properly. Abused and caged from birth, she's only just learning how to handle her instincts, not react with violence due to fear, and be part of the pack. Having Dorian and Ben at her side has gone a long way toward helping. Still hates direct eye contact and probably always will.

Oleander: Honey Badger. Honey Badger dgaf and neither does Ollie. Nocturnal, mostly solitary, tenacious, and has few predators due to her tough hide and ferocious nature. Of course, honey badgers have been known to work with humans and other creatures in the interest of a common goal. Just don't try to screw her out of her share if you want to keep your windpipe intact.

#oc animal tag #writblr tag game #dysthanasia #writing tag games

[memurfevur-archive]

Catch Up

Character(s): Hadesa Lankro, Expyno Dioxal, Ashter Faurux, Persep Rhiali (@contrastparadoxx ), mention of Carnix (@experimental-failures )

About: Expyno invites Hadesa over to help her confront Ashter about their relationship.

Word Count: 1,899

Google Doc Link

Hadesa's heart rolled like thunder in her ears as she stepped up to the porch on this quiet street. Anxieties ate at her harsher than when she had arranged plans to see Carnix; that had been a new adventure, but this? This was revisiting the past to look for answers. This wasn't new. This was dreadful. Every rapture of her knuckles upon the door echoed in her bones. A deep chill ran down her spine, making her wish she was back home in the warm comforts of her hive.

She didn't plan to say anything more than necessary. She just wanted answers. Why did Ashter leave her without a word, without a trace? Did her curse really scare him off or... was it something else? Had she done something wrong? There was also the fear of losing her cool; she had every right to be angry, she's realized this, but anger is frightening. Anger sabotages. Anger makes her blind, and then the demons strike.

There was a click at the door-- the sound of the lock turning free-- and before her was a familiar face, though prettier than she remembered. The first thing she noticed were his eyes: striking aqua teals beneath long and thick lashes. Freckles dotted his long but curved face, and she was surprised to see some scratchy patches of hair on his chin. Nostalgia ran through her like an electric current, and she wondered briefly if she had changed too since then. “Expyno.”

“Hey Dez,” his voice was light, but carried an edge that she couldn't quite decipher. Like with many other people, she didn't get along too well with him back then. She was one of many who would bully him about his fear of illnesses and germs, about the scars on his chest and the strange conspiracies that he would ramble about. These things felt normal to her, the cruel injustice of her words, and it would cause problems. But if cruelty was her best defense from the whispers of demons in her blood, perhaps he should have thanked her. Or, maybe she should apologize; but such is the nature of a dysfunctional friendship, neither statements would be made. Instead, “Nice tat.” It was close enough to what they both wanted to hear.

He herded her in and she took off her shoes at the door. As per ritual for anyone who entered his home, a squirt of hand sanitizer was waiting for her to lather onto her skin. Then through the entry breeze way, and they were in the living room. A lump formed in her throat as she saw two pairs of horns poking up over the couch; one set belonged to a strange blue Seadweller, and the other … him. The Seadweller had twisted around, a question forming on her lips over who had been at the door, but pleasant curiosity changed the inquiry's course, “Hi! Who's this?”

Hadesa wished she hadn't said anything at all. Maybe if she had not caught the Seadweller's attention she could have still snuck out while she had the chance. But the Seadweller had alerted her friend on the couch, who had also twisted around to see who the new guest was. Though, instead of pleasant curiosity, panic shaped his mouth, “Dez?!”

She hadn't expected to fall silent when she saw him. Like Expyno, he also looked different. He’d long ago ditched the sleeveless turtlenecks and the faux gold chains that he thought made him look cool. His hair was a faux Mohawk, with cleanly shaven sides. His shoulders held more freckles than what she had last counted, and his eyes bore more of a creamy honey color. He almost looked completely different, save for the grooves and nicks in his horns from fights that only she knew about. 

Knowing herself, she would have not been able to stop herself in giving him an ear full, but now that they're here face to face all her spite had caught her tongue. She was grateful for Expyno's intervention, “Long time no see, eh Ash?”

Panic quickly turned to anger as Ashter's gaze bounced between Hadesa and Expyno, “You're behind this, aren't you?”

“Oh, naturally!”

Then, the blue Seadweller on the couch, with a deep pressed frown on her lips, spoke up, “Am I missing something here?”

“No,” Ashter's voice came out more like a growl, and his forceful tone was not missed.

“Well, I would think so,” Expyno shrugged. “Since this would eventually have something to do with Persep, too.”

“...What would have something to do with me?”

“Nothing, Perse.”

“Ashter, who is she?”

“His moirail,” Hadesa finally spoke up, though her voice cracked. It was the look that the Seadweller gave Ashter that made Hadesa realize she was his new moirail; the look of surprise, hurt, and curiosity. A bitterness rose in her throat, but Hadesa knew it wasn't Persep's fault. She hung her head, “Was, his moirail.”

“Then, why does this matter?” Persep looked between the three of them. “What's happening?”

“What's happening is my right to have answers,” Hadesa was slowly finding her footing, “Ash you just up and left one day! You didn't give me a word, you didn't give any warning. You've been gone for so long I thought you were dead! But instead you're here with someone new. I don't give a fuck about how many other moirails you might have, but I just... I... I came here to know why.”

“I don't owe anyone anything,” Ashter said, “The past is the past and I'd rather leave it behind.”

Hadesa looked on, horrified, “But what did I do?!”

“It doesn't matter!” Ashter's skin began to warm and he clutched his hair in his hands. He sunk back down on the couch.

“It matters,” Expyno sighed, “It matters to the people who love or loved you. You've left me behind several times. You've left Devar'n behind. Hadesa. And you know, I get having a private life but you're hurting yourself and everyone around you when you don't talk. And I'm not going to go through it again, not with Persep.”

“I'll leave you alone,” Hadesa added, “If you can just tell me why...”

Ashter glowered, and for a small stretch of time, he was silent. Then, with a sigh of defeat, “...Because when you fuck up the lemonade you make out of the lemons life gives ya, you make a new batch.”

“But--”

“You were just... a bruised lemon.”

The silence in the room was palpable. Thick. Heavy. Hadesa and Ashter mirrored each other; arms crossed, tears glistening in their eyes. Expyno ran a hand through his hair and looked away, blowing out a breath with wide eyes. Persep looked between Ashter and Hadesa, eyes wide with bewilderment and concern, but otherwise she, too, fell silent.

“Dez,” Ashter sighed, “I'm sorry—”

“No,” Hadesa shook her head, “No no. I'm. Yeah. I'm the bruised lemon, huh? I was a bad lemon. I…I wasn't good for your lemonade. Wasn't good for you. Wasn't healthy.”

“Dez--”

“Everyone's a bruised lemon,” her tone grew more sour, angrier. “You... You have a history of fucking up your lemonades, don't you? What about her?” She pointed to Persep, “What will you do when she spoils? Betray her, too? Look I... fine maybe I wasn't the best moirail but…but you can't do that to everyone!”

“I'm done here.” Ashter pushed himself off the couch fully and made his way to the door.

“Ashter!” Persep was quick to hop to her feet to follow, but as she passed she gave a brief glance to Hadesa. To the Yellowblood's surprise, it wasn't full of anger and hatred, but of pity and concern. Such a sad look to such beautiful eyes, and Hadesa had to bite her tongue out of jealousy. This wasn't Persep's fault, but the urge to blame her was there.

“You're lucky to have him,” Dez muttered, “Or at least I hope you are.”

—---------------

Ashter stood in the doorway of his bedroom back in his shared apartment. He had to think of what to do. This wasn't a life threatening situation, but if there were problems that were too suffocating because of him, well... his suitcase was in the closet. For now he stumbled to his bed and sat on the edge of it. He was tempted to have a good cry, the first he'd had since a very long time ago, but he bit his cheek to hold it back as he heard someone approaching down the hallway.

“Ash?” 

It was Persep. When he didn't say anything she ventured into the room and joined him on the bed. It was dark, with only the light from the hallway illuminating them both. They sat in awkward silence for a heartbeat or two, then Persep shifted to lean her body against him. Ashter visibly relaxed.

“I'm sorry, P.”

“It's okay.” She lifted her head to look at him. Her fins began to cast a subtle glow, enough to where he could see the more finer details of her face. “Is it true? That you leave your quadrants like that?”

Ashter sighed and took Persep's hands in his. “Yeah. Yeah it is.” When she fell silent he added, “But I don't do it without second thought. There's... there's reasons. Like if it's too dangerous, or if I'm... if I'm the source of trouble in their life, and I have no other way to fix it. I'd rather start fresh than to be trapped in something I can't solve.”

“Was Dez someone you couldn't solve?”

“Kind of? I mean... I did love her. Genuinely. But there…was always the trunk-beast in the room that was her curse-- long story-- and how she would react to it, and treat it and people around her. It was... like she wanted to steal everyone's attention while also pushing them away, giving so many mixed messages. It felt like she didn't care what I had to say as long as she got to say her stuff first. I didn't feel comfortable living around her, so I left.” 

He looked away for a moment. Breathe in, breathe out. It's fine. Everything's fine. “There's other things, too. Things I've done that have consequences. Hell, even existing is dangerous because of my name. I feel like my entire life is me dancing on eggshells until I'm booed off the bloody stage. Part of leaving was also to protect her. In fact, most...most people I've left, I've done it to protect them. I'm a source of trouble. And... and for some reason when I try to make a new life, it never lasts. It just follows me. I am a hole I can't dig out of, heh.”

“What you said back there to her... that was terrible.”

“I regret it, but I didn't know how else to say it.”

“It's okay to want to start over, you know. I don't blame you if things get so bad you want to leave.”

“Yeah well, I don't want to leave you.”

“Well, good! Because I never said I wasn't coming with.” Ashter looked at her with wide eyes, then a small smile danced on his thin lips. Persep squeezed his hand, “But promise me…you'll tell me if things are bad, okay?”

“I will...I'll try.”

And yet his thoughts drifted to the suitcase in the closet, his ole reliable friend.

#Ashter Faurux #Hadesa Lankro #Expyno Faurux #Chaos Crew #fevur writing

[modstarfell]

May I ask for headcanons you have about each character from Blowback?

This took... a lot longer then I thought it would, I hope these suffice! Doing so many in one post was.. a lot/nm

Akeru - The bandages in her hair while may look silly at first, often play a part in letting her get through places that would normally require a mask as theyre made from the same material. - Various scars all over her body from different things but they are mostly kept out of sight via her clothing - Her hair clips were given to hr by her original clan and she values them as her prized possession as parts of them are real gold - LOVES jokes, doesnt get to tell many though shes just not good at them.

Chinami - I like to think her real hairstyle is much different from any of the wigs she wears, this hairstyle was featured in her concept art but wasn't used... It was revamped to cat-girl hairstyle but I like to think this might've been her hair (sprite below to show my attempt to recreate it)

- Always carries a comb at the LEAST on her. Maybe a brush if she feels like carrying it but it's usually a comb. - Bobby pins. She unintentionally ends up leaving on everywhere she goes. They fall out of her pockets and she's given up picking them up - Does genuinely care for her classmates despite her attitude.... She's been caught once resting against Tato but denies any claims.

Kana - Her ponytail works the same as typical DR Ahoge's work, it's just brought back further. She has it up but even when it's down it can move like one. - Gets protective over her friends; fears she'll lose them if they hang out with others more because all she can do is silly voices.... - Watch out for her though because she'll sometimes use it to mimic tv show characters for fun and while it's accurate hearing a minion out of nowhere gets confusing - Her nicknaming habit originally started from a fellow co-worker when she was younger. They'd give everyone nicknames; her's being kasy(kah-sey)

Kanjiro - Tism. Aliens are his special interests. - He is very blind to the "fighting" Akeru and Kana seem to be having for his attention.. They are both his friends and he tries to spend time with everyone as even as he can. - I like to think he took after his father... His father having been an archer before something happened and he had to stop, but Kanjiro wanted to follow in his footsteps.. and now he's also archer! - He does better shooting a moving target instead of a standing still target; which is why he tries to get Akeru's help with targeting an apple on her head. (typically for archers hitting a moving target is much harder)

Kazuki - His hair is surprisingly really soft even despite how sharp his ahoge looks - His luck doesn't have any direct influence-ability to anything in the world directly unlike the other lucky students; although he has a good knack for finding "lost things" a lot easier. He's found tons of money that has been left behind on streets ect - Struggles with telling people no, often ends up in some situation he totally wasn't prepared for cause of it - Is considered a good listener but half the time it's due to the fact it takes him a moment to process what's going on around him; others will talk his ear off about situations and he listens to it all to piece things together.

Mai - Knows at least two languages but is always willing to learn more. (Currently fluent in eng and jpn) - Runs around with a clipboard always on hand with her, there's tons of notes clipped to it and at the bottom there's an attached white board she keeps around to help her remember things on a schedule. - Her hair clip was a gift from an old friend of hers from an archeology adventure she'd taken part in. - Has a habit of calling everyone her older siblings... No one knows if they're actually older or younger then her since she's so small they just go along with it.

Mikihiko - Petty is 100% a projection of what he wants to be like.. talking through Petty helps his confidence - Coming to the academy was really the first time Miki was able to dress the way he wants to without pressure - Designed his outfit himself with the ability from his doll making, although it was difficult he has a pretty solid feeling for designing things! - Has a collection of press-on nails that he's kept from his sisters because he struggles to let go of everything entirely. He also has a habit of chewing on his real nails really bad.

Misako - Is actually aware she's related to Kazuki, and since they're siblings her hair is just as soft as his is. - Her cat tie was a gift from the museum she works with as an anniversary thank you for her dedication to the place. - She went with her and Kazuki's father, and Kazuki ended up with mother but went into the care of their grandfather - Has a pretty big watch collection that she doesn't talk about; a big fear of running late/running out of time be it for doing something at work of getting to a place on time. She's very punctual because of this. - Sometimes has information overload where she'll fizzle out, doesn't even bother putting her hair up and just walk around her usual duties in more of a daze (someone please stop her)

Ryo - His earring are matching with his brother, they weren't his idea originally but he can't say no to his brother. - Batman fan.... If you don't know the source of this... Well, I can't say really. - Went to a private school before Hopes Peak entry; the change from private to high-rank who allows so many people through their doors is a BIG adjustment for him. - It takes a REALLY long time for him to open up to his classmates if at all; he'll use note-passing to talk or use sign language to try and communicate before he actually starts speaking.

Seina - Despite her friendliness, her upbringing has made it very hard for people to understand her and for her to understand them. She tends to talk more fancy as the events she often found herself at tended to be big parties hosted by either her family or friends of family. - She often jokes around that she's adopted Kana like her little sister. They can usually be seen messing around together, the later helping her feel more relaxed like a normal girl. - She's a VERY curious girl; picks up a lot of random things shes found on adventures, usually it's various stones. - The gem she wears is a Amethyst, she believes ghosts can exist anywhere and uses the gem to both protect herself and keep calm to try and not startle them as well

Shozo - He definitely holds the record for fastest cube solving. It doesn't matter which dimensions. He holds it. - Tired so often that he tries to avoid his classmates since they aren't "useful" enough to him. He's exhausted from solving cubes so much even though it's second nature for him and he does it every chance he can. - Has accidentally ended up skipping classes from sleeping in trying to fix his sleep schedule... Always gets reprimanded by Misako for it. - ambidextrous. I refuse to think otherwise. Will write with one hand, cube with the other because of this.

Tato - Likely can tell if a crop is close to expiring just by looking at how it's aged - Picks the sweetest and freshest strawberries for Chinami because they remind him of her; using various formula's hes gained from farming to find them - He's very used to the sun but even with his sun hat; he burns very easily causing him to get anxious being outside without his hat on. - He absolutely suggests for a school trip to come to the farm since there's tons they could learn and it would be cool to show everyone what he knows in real time!

Torae - Can tell the smell of certain makers that were used when they're in the mix of drying (like if it was 'dry-erase' or sharpie) from how often they were used to modify blue prints. - Isn't afraid to just pick up one of her classmates to stop them from doing things that might cause trouble later down the line, but is also more then willing to use her strength to help get the other up higher if they need something and a steady hand. - Do. Not. Let. Her. Chicken. Fight. Whether she's on top or bottom she's terrifying if you try and play chicken fight in the pool. - Goes for morning runs; usually drags a random-unsuspecting classmate along with her.

Toshiro - He rarely takes off his necklace; It was given to him by the "only person who believed I could manage to get into this school." This being said, he takes his earrings out at night to prevent breakage and getting jabbed with them while he sleeps - Plays with his hair when he's nervous but it's usually the two dyed strands he plays with the most. - Spends his free time doing laps in the court yard to keep in shape - Despite seeming intimidating, he's usually the one who manages to get the class going when it's time for gym class. Turning it into a competition just enough to get even Shozo motivated to work out.

Yosaku - He gets cold very, very easily. Having to bundle up even on warmer days and winter is absolutely abysmal for him. - Collaborates with Tato from time to time to help make sure that their classmates are getting proper meals in their systems. - Has bonded with Akeru from him telling jokes out in the open to 'practice' and noticed her lingering around and laughing at them from time to time. - Helps Seina create songs for her to cover with her violin while at the academy and occasionally Kana has joined in and the three of them creating some fun song covers together. He has also made a little social media platform for this but it's under an alias to keep both girls hidden from public.

Yukari - In her bookbag there's usually her own copy of her book, and some other "every day supplies" being pencil, notebook paper, bandages ect. - She prefers to sit back and watch how her classmates interact with each other rather then gaining direct friends herself. Often finding herself to be 'too awkward' in comparison. - When she has a crush she tends to cling to them a lot more... One of the few people she can "trust" and will often read their emotions and begin to talk for them out of habit. - Usually has her nails painted a very light pink with a shine to where they almost look natural but you can tell something is different if you look closer.

#akeru 🌫️ #chinami ✂️ #kana ⭐ #kanjiro 🏹 #kazuki 🍀 #mai 🥼 #mikihiko 🌺 #misako 🖼️ #ryo 👔 #seina 🎻 #shozo ⏹️ #tato 🌾 #torae 💪 #toshiro 🪢 #yosaku ✌️ #yukari 💞 #drbb

[ravens-repose]

Iron and Gold - Sandor Clegane

Hey all! I'm Raven, and I'm getting back to writing after a short 6 year hiatus 🙃 please be patient, and please enjoy. OC is afab with gender neutral pronouns.

Chapter 1

Asra stood before the bedroom window, eyes closed with the glass windows pushed open, feeling the cool summer air around them. An all too familiar bite to the air tells them that winter is on the horizon after one of the longest summers they could remember. The Starks were always right eventually, winter is coming. They suspected the summer wont see the years end, so they enjoyed whatever warmth they could before the frost came. Asra got dressed in some of the nicer clothes they had for Winterfells’ guests, although they were never one for pretty fabrics and lace.

Asra could almost hear the bells of Kings Landing as they carried a message throughout the streets: Jon Arryn was dead. They had received message that morning, informing them of the Hands’ sudden passing. The fever, whatever it was, burned through him like wildfire and he had been dead by dawn. Asra knew him, not well, but better than most they suppose. He was a good man, and now King Robert was on his way to force another poor honorable soul into his drunken mess.

Ned Stark was someone they knew well, they had stayed several years in Winterfell when Sansa had only just come into the world, Robb and Jon still only boys, and had returned only 6 months past. He was an honorable man, and a loyal friend. Now the king comes to drag the wolf down south, where honor and loyalty went to die. Asra understood why, Ned Stark would sooner stab himself in the back before he would a friend. However they knew Ned, and once he’s seen the disaster that has become of the small council Asra fears he might actually throttle Robert.

When the royal family arrived at the gates, Asra turns their gaze upwards to see a few familiar faces staring back at them, before the crowd bows together before the king. Robert dismounted from his horse, motioning for Ned to stand. Ned bowed his head, nodding with a simple “Your grace.” Robert stood before his oldest and most trusted friend, scowling slightly. “You’ve got fat.” the king says dryly. The crowd all turns sharply and waits with bated breath. Ned remains silent, but raises his eyebrows and looks pointedly down to Roberts own stomach. There’s a moment of silence before the two friends burst into laughter, and just like that the years they’ve spent apart melt away.

Robert walks down the line, greeting Lady Stark and all her children. Asra stood behind the Stark family next to Jon, and they could practically feel the discomfort rolling off of him. They listen, fighting a smile as Arya named everyone accompanying the king. It was at this point their gaze lands on one of the biggest men they’ve ever seen. He must be the Hound, stories about the princes’ guard dog could be heard just about everywhere in Westeros, and for once the stories don’t disappoint.

Robert asks to be taken to the crypt, as he did every time from Asras' understanding. They watch as a flash of insult glimmers behind the queens eyes, but she holds back and simply stands to the side. Asra does feel some sympathy for her, they don’t imagine being forced behind the shadow of a ghost for two decades would make for a happy marriage, regardless of the company she keeps. This was going to be a long night.

~~~

Upbeat music filled the air along side laughter and excited chatter throughout the hall, with Asra standing to the side drinking from a horn of ale, feeling many curious eyes pass over them. The feasts here are different from where Asra is from, but the north is still better than Kings Landing. That’s something they suppose they’ll have to get used too, so many rules and dances with far too many steps. They were pulled from their thoughts as they watched Benjin Stark approach his brother Ned, the two of them immediately seeming to fall in to a serious conversation, although they heard nothing above the crowded hall. As Robb approached the two of them, Asra takes one final look at the three before turning and slipping out into the cold. They’re not a bodyguard tonight, they remind themselves.

Asra left the warm hall to find Jon beating a poor training dummy to straw-filled pieces. They walked over casually, stopping a few feet behind him. “Watch it Jon, at this point it looks like your partner might sue for peace.” Asra said in a lighthearted tone. Jon turns, broody as ever, and sighs “You too?” His question is clear, Asra may have been invited, but that doesn’t mean they were welcome. “Aye, could only stand being a spectacle for the masses for so long.” Asra answered, Jon nodded with a scowl that could rival Tywin Lannisters’. Asra chuckled, “Don’t look so fucking grim Jon, you’ll be going to the wall soon. I hope you find close family there, ones who don’t give a rats ass if you’re a bastard or the highest of lords.” Jon nodded, his head down turned, “So do I.” he says wistfully. Asra pats him on the back, “You’ll make a fine Ranger Jon.” they bid him a good night and went for a walk.

~~~

That night, Lord Stark approached Asra. “I’m going to a dangerous place,” He started, “I need good fighters, but more than that I fear I’ll need to call upon a few loyal friends before long. Will you ride with me to Kings Landing?” He asked. They could sense a certain hesitancy about him. “I would be more than happy to accompany you and your family Lord Stark, although, and I mean you no offense my Lord, but I wont be taking any vows. If it’s a loyal friend you want, its a loyal friend you’ll have.” they said with a light smile. Ned chuckled, “Thank you Asra, I will not forget this.” he said sincerely. Asra smirked mischievously, “Oh don’t worry, I wouldn’t let you forget even if you wanted to.”

#Ravens Writing #sandor clegane #game of thrones #got #oc #Nevermore

[omegaplus]

# 4,461

August 9, 2018 Mixtape.

A few months ago, I asked to meet up with a goth-girl mutual named Holly, whom I was genuinely interested in, and she agreed. She later revealed that she enjoyed a night out by celebrating her boyfriend’s birthday. She outright lied to me and led me on with a smiling face. I was devastated. The hurt forever changed me, and I was hit with a brand-new era of anxiety, depression, and devaluation. I would never see or feel the same ever again.

I would experience feelings I never had before. Feelings so wild, intense, and vivid that I started seeing the fear and think of things I never thought possible. The ‘June Visions’, I called them. The past strikes and losses of the past unforgivably returned to assure me that I was feeling lesser-than. I’d arrive to work everyday unfocused, lost, worried, and saddened while still trying to justify and convince myself to have her around before the inevitable silence. Time around me moved forward as my mind was at a total standstill, endlessly processing why someone who seemed interested and wanting to meet up would take advantage of me. Plans of having a city contact and new experiences long overdue became null and void. I’d now carry the barbed-wire cross with me everywhere I go, with no volunteers wanting to take it off my back.

I wasn’t told that I’d be trapped, slaughtered, skinned, and hung up to be bled dry. Built up only to collapse. But the show must go on, they tell you. You keep fighting on the front-lines as the empty shells smoke hot and nestle near your heart. You can do the same with your daily deeds while fighting injured until you can’t fight anymore.

I haven’t seen my (Italian) Aunt Laura in ten years. After months of back-and-forth messaging, we both found a day and time to meet up in her neighborhood of Coney Island. I hopped off the ‘D’ line to Surf Avenue and walked through the amusement park and towards the shore. The rides split away from my peripherals as I was in awe of witnessing the infinite waters and flush hazy sunny skies past the thick shoreline in melting temperatures and humidity. It was an experience in the making. I didn’t know it when I was right in the center of it until I was on the outside looking in. The moment burned so bright that the day spent uniting with long-lost family would leave an impression on me.

A doctor’s appointment on a sweltering Thursday made for another day in the city. Since it was an early afternoon visit, I desired to do a photoshoot in Manhattan. I meant to cross off some specific landmarks from the list because something inside me for months was aching to do it. I take my kit and tripod with me for what would be a full day of urgency.

I board the Brentwood train heading west to Penn Station as always, this afternoon under the dull silver skies. I take a seat on the right-hand side of the car moving backwards. There are not many empty seats, so I take my backpack and rest it on my lap. Since I’m headed to Manhattan, I’ll send Holly a text and let her know I’ll be in Manhattan. A roll of chuck-a-luck, but the odds are against me. The sounds in my ear are playing one after another to create the day’s memories as I do my best to distract myself from a newfound pain that persists. My eyes are fixated on the motion blur of the receding buildings, steel structures, streets, shopping centers, trees, and graffiti all over. It wasn’t until the train riding through Woodside that I heard from Holly. “Have fun.” she texted. A passive message of indifference with no emotion or effort. Two words was all it took to show me that she didn’t care.

My arrival in Manhattan started off by arriving at Penn Station in hazy grayscale skies and steady sticky Eighties’ heat. As soon as my check-up was over, I bolted out and took the N/R/W line south to Bryant Park and the American Radiator / Standard Building. I had an interest in seeing the structure ever since Chris Stewart used it for the album cover, and over time became a huge fan. I’d had no idea if the clouds would give way to more clarity, but by the time I stood at the park’s northwestern corner, I’d see them dissipate and stream out to make way for sharper, bluer skies. The park was densely occupied. Foreign families took pictures of their modelesque daughters posing in front of the crowds. The females in indie-rock fashion would sit by themselves under the shade to read their New York Times-recommended bestsellers or the bookshelves lined on the outer edge of the park. I’d take my time, an hour’s worth, to take a multitude of shots facing south at the park’s entrance. I sat down and had a row of saltines stashed in my backpack to satiate my appetite, then called my other Italian aunt Theresa to tell her I was enjoying myself. In reality, I wasn’t.

From there I’d take the 1/2/3 line down to Tribeca and arrive only a few blocks away from the new 1 World Trade Center / Freedom Tower. There was no trace of clouds by then. Just the ever-present blue skies and the shearing sun looking over me. I set up my kit and tripod on the corner of Broadway and Leonard St. facing south and started snapping my ideas away. Natural light, low light, filtered, non-filtered, color mode, telephoto, wide-angle depth. I’d zoom in to the maximum to see the trade center’s metal framing, windows, and antennas in any which way I could, then pull back to capture the vast landscape of Tribeca’s city streets. But it wasn’t enough. I walk a few blocks east over West St. And 9A to the Hudson River, all along Rockefeller Park and Pier 25 to take closer shots of the Freedom Tower. I’m surrounded by strenuous activity all on the mini-golf courses, volleyball courts, children’s playgrounds, and tricks on the skate park. Two hours pass since arriving here, and I sit down to face the water to call my sister to say that I made it safe and sound.

I reversed course on the 1/2/3 line heading up north for my last destination: Times Square. I walk up from the underground stop and I see the multi-million-dollar high-resolution advertisements towering over me. The older digital photos of my visit there in New Year’s Eve 2007 were a factor in me returning. I snap the aesthetics like no tomorrow. My penchant for Helvetica and subway aesthetic were the first targets; synonymous with New York transit shining bright and aesthetically pleasing. The bright dazzling arrays of electronic signs, neons, storefronts, and marquees of all shapes, sizes, colors, and ages. Everything was fair game to me; all while avoiding the infinite stream of passers-by. Me versus mammoth Manhattan’s hustle-and-bustle.

The sun was setting for all of ninety minutes taking photos there, ushering in the day’s conclusion. The mix of Manhattan’s Eighties heat, roasted sulphur and steel had me exhausted, bent, and expired by sundown. I did all what I could’ve done today. I walked back down leaving Times Square carrying the cross to Penn Station and 33rd Street to take the train back home.

Everywhere I went that day, I realize: she’s here. She’s right here - and yet so far away from me.

I enter Penn Station and walk into the station’s department store which was depressing. Old, outdated aesthetics. The shelves were running on empty and I look around for clearance sweets and discounted snacks to tide me over for the hour-long ride. The location was going out of business. No half-off water. It’s Summer. Don’t even dare to be kind or show any mercy for thirst. I roam around in the lobby for an hour before the ticket booths and the large display of destinations and times, waiting to jump on the first indication of what track my train arrives. The Brentwood line finally arrives, and I run with the passengers-slash-school of fish who look to compete for the seat of their choice.

I had a lot of thinking to do; as if I haven’t already in the past two months. I paid a hefty price for pursuing someone, and all I got was collateral damage that will never be fully cleaned up. I tried to negotiate with myself in doing the right thing by hanging in there and still be friends with her, but odds are I’ll never see her. I will continue to place my bets and pay - and pay - and pay - and pay. I’ll pay at a sunken cost to torture myself by foolishly believing that she’ll reach out to me again because who knows what could happen.

And after I step off the train, I’ll be thinking on the drive home. I’ll be thinking what I could’ve had and lost out on. I’ll be thinking what I might have possibly done wrong, what I did or didn’t do, or what I didn’t have enough of for her to do this to me. I’ll be thinking about the wasted time needlessly thrown away. I’ll be thinking about this every night I go to sleep, when I get out of bed, and when I’m at work struggling to balance customers’ childish mentality and entitled attitudes with the whirlwind concoction of loneliness, depression, and every loss coming back; paid in full to haunt me until the day I die.

Those two words would be the very last I’d hear of her.

Viet Cong / Preoccupations “Disarray”

Lower Dens “Ondine”

Black Marble “A Great Design”

Hot Flash Heat Wave “Glo Ride”

Odd Couple “What Kings Do”

Oldbills “Tablecloth”

Holydrug Couple, The “I’ll Only Say This”

Negative Gemini “Bad Baby”

Refreshers “How Bout U?”

Secret Circle “Tube Socks”

Eyedress: "1990" (ft. Pyramid Vritra)

6lack “Prblms”

Oldbills “Salsa Verde”

LaMont Johnson Aces

Uniform & The Body “In My Skin”

Water From Your Eyes “We’re Set Up”

Beat Detectives “Call It What You Want (Segment One)”

End Of A Year / Self Defense Family “Self-Immolation Family”

Ice Age “Under The Sun”

Daughters “Satan In The Wait”

Nothing “Blue Line Baby”

Sean Price “STFU Pt. 2”

Tislatin Onzar 3=2+1

Nothing “Zero Day”

Prison Religion “007”

Big Boss, The motion picture soundtrack “The Killing Fight”

Oldbills “Black Ice”

Eyedress “High Street Drive”

Tanya Tagaq f. Shad “Centre”

Ta-Ra “L’il Bit”

Sweet Valley “Sentimental Trash”

Wati Heru X Kashaka “BKWYA”

All These Fingers “Puerta Vallarta”

Body Without Organs “Osiris Rises”

Underworld & Iggy Pop “Bells And Circles”

Alt-J “Story 4 Sleeplessly Embracing” (clipping. RMX)

Moor Mother “Washington Park”

Erick Arc Elliott “Breaking”

Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever “An Air Conditioned Man”

Cansei De Ser Sexy “Girlfriend”

Flastbush Zombies “The Results Are In”

Miss Red “Come Again”

Prison Religion “Glass”

Happy Meals / Free Love “Pushing Too Hard”

Erick Arc Elliott “Fifteen Minutes”

Palm “Dog Milk”

Oldbills “Weekendluv”

Cellars “Real Good Day”

Addison Groove “Footcrab” (DJ Rashad & DJ Spinn RMX)

Charles Manson Lie

Water From Your Eyes “That’s The Girl”

Miss Red “Dagga”

Chvrches “Never Say Die”

Nine Inch Nails “The Background World”

Oh No “Banger”

Curren$y f. The Game & Prodigy “The Type”

CASisDEAD “Leon Best”

Diseno Corbusier “Meta Metalic”

Beat Detectives“ (Undiscernable) Repetition Heavy Traffic: New NYC Vibe 2”

#omega #music #mixtapes #reviews #playlists #hip-hop #rap #industrial #dancehall #synthpop #cloudrap #techno #electronic #shoegaze #indie #beats #jungle #drum-and-bass

[adventures-written]

;; New muse alert!

Tesla is here! Please read her main verse below. She also has a side verse that would be fun to play with ;)

Tesla

v;; reborn anew(main)

       The scientists tore her apart, wanting to see what made an Independent tick. She didn’t understand what they were doing, and by the time she did, it was too late. Still alive, she was placed into containment. Carefully preserved for the sins of humanity, a weight they would carry for over 200 years.

From the Great Fall, her containment survived. It was one of the first things Conrad retrieved from the crash sight, ensuring it was secure and still in functioning order. He did not touch the containment after that though, leaving Tesla in her broken stasis until Knives came to Conrad sometime after the crash.

Through the desires of one Independent, Tesla was given new life. Knives worked with Conrad, allowing him to perform experiments and fueling his desires to create the perfect human with the intention of restoring Tesla. At first the task seemed all but impossible. Rebuilding an Independent was not a feat that Conrad had ever heard of, though he did not shy away from the task at hand. It would take many years before he was finally able to make any headway and actually attempt reconstruction. It was through the research on hybrids that was the breakthrough they needed. The creation of Elendira was especially helpful.

Tesla was reformed, body pieced back together, but her mind was still relatively broken. Her body was small, child-like in appearance, which matched the child-like personality she seemed to have. With her broken mind also meant any abilities she possessed were also broken. She could not access her gate, much to Knives disappointment. But he was gentle with her and cared for her like a sister. He taught her about humanity and how rotten they were. Although Tesla’s memories of her past were fragmented, they only solidified the fear that Knives wove into her heart. She was terrified of Conrad and she avoided going anywhere near humans as much as possible.

She tried to stay nearest to Knives as much as possible, finding comfort in the other Independent. She felt safe around him.

The July incident was the last time she saw Knives. He had told her to stay out of sight until he was done with his brother, Vash, another Independent. Someone that Knives had mixed feelings about. She had tucked herself away in the labs, though her discomfort rose when she saw the root-like tendrils that spread throughout the lab. Admittedly, it frightened her, and it gave her flashbacks to a time of sheer discomfort and terror. The time she was broken. With that fear in mind, Tesla was driven to try and leave the labs.

She had been out on occasion, with Knives mostly, so she knew her way out of the labs. No one seemed to be around or guarding the way out, so she easily slipped into the elevators. Getting through the streets was another story. There were too many people, all of which were in a panic as the roots began to grow and expand over the city. She hid in an alleyway, listening as people screamed and ran. It was only when things started to quiet that she moved out of the alleyway to continue out of the city. She was not sure where she was going, but she was confident that Knives would find her after all of this.

She made it out of the city in time to see the largely formed figure made of roots and flowers. It was so big and beautiful, in the most terrifying way. Just as quickly as it had formed however, it was quickly disappearing and she could see something else. Fighting between two figures. One that was quite familiar was Knives’ flying through the air, chasing after someone else.

Tesla could only watch with child-like worry as the two danced in the sky, ultimately ending in what appeared to be Knives death. Without much thought, she had tried to run back into the city. Some part of her hoping to find Knives and help him. He is all she knows, after all. But she never made it to the city, being thrown back by the sheer force of the explosion alone. Tesla was knocked unconscious from it, and when she awoke, she found herself alone, laying just outside the expansive crater that had once been July.

It was over and she wasn’t sure what to do. Where did she go now?

#muse;; i look into the waters and see a face i don't understand (tesla) #v;; reborn anew (main; tesla) #v;; when our hearts beat slow together (side; tesla; vash; knives millions) #ooc;; time for tea #this is what I spent my morning on instead of drafts.... #oopsies?

[morocosmos]

FFxivWrite2022 Day 24: Vicissitudes

“You what?” Leveva’s usually calm demeanour has been shattered in disbelief over what Moro’a just said, and she stares at him with wide, questioning eyes. “The cards portended ill news this morning, but this – I never – Moro’a, you cannot be serious….”

They’re alone in the abandoned ruins of the Steel Vigil, where icy winds and crumbling walls conceal them; the better to speak discreetly, for both Leveva’s sake and his. It had been her suggestion when he’d requested that they meet – a measure borne from her recent trials, he supposes – but a small part of Moro’a wonders if this, too, is another unfavourable yet unshakeable piece of fate. He scowls and sweeps the suggestion aside. “I’m sorry, Leveva. I meant what I said. I’m quitting astromancy.”

“And as your tutor, I demand a better explanation as to why before you go about making such an unreasonable decision,” she insists. She’s clearly upset, crossing her arms as she refuses to budge.

For a moment, Moro’a’s words catch in his throat, until he grits his teeth and swallows down the rest of his hesitation. “Several…events have forced me to conclude that I cannot continue to practise it in good conscience. I can no longer trust in my ability to read the future,” he answers. Speaking the truth into further existence hurts far more than he’d thought it would. “It is through no fault of your own – I will always be grateful for what you’ve taught me,” he continues, before taking his soulstone and holding out the honey-coloured crystal before his tutor. “You should take this back. For your grandfather, or should you….should you find someone else to teach.”

“No.” Leveva’s voice is tinged with anger now. “My grandfather chose you to take his soulstone. He did not do so because of mere happenstance, but because of what he saw in you – you cannot throw it all away now!”

“This has nothing to do with you or your grandfather,” Moro’a retaliates, feeling his own temper rise as the storm within him stirs. “My reasons are mine alone, and I will not change my mind because someone else has placed their hopes and dreams in me!”

Leveva takes a step back, bewildered by the force of his anger. There’s a note of fear in her expression, and suddenly she looks her age, barely past seventeen summers. Moro’a feels a pang of guilt twist in his heart. “I’m sorry,” he says, taking a step back. “You only wish to carry on your father and grandfather’s legacies. I don’t mean to trample on that.”

After a moment of silence, Leveva speaks up. “I’m sorry too. It wasn’t fair of me to place my desires over your own,” she responds in turn, looking at him once more. “Moro’a, all I know of your deeds is what passes through the streets of Ishgard, and what little you have told me. Out of discretion I have avoided peering too much into your future since that day” – he tenses at those words – “but you have kept me, and yes, even Jannequinard in the dark for far too long. Tell me why, Moro’a. The heart of it.” After some hesitation, she adds, “I only wish to understand.”

A part of Moro’a still vehemently resists. But the dam had begun to crack a while ago, and it’s getting harder and harder to keep his hurts within. “I don’t….believe astromancy has the power to help me anymore,” he says softly; the words taste as bitter as ash. “I once told you that I wanted control over my future. A way to see what might befall myself or those around me before it happened, that I might have the knowledge to do whatever was within my power to keep them safe.” His fists clench of their own accord, nails digging into the skin of his palms. “And still I have been powerless to stop tragedy in its tracks, unable to save those I should have been able to save.” Haurchefant. The thought alone is still enough to pierce his heart. Ysayle. Minfilia. Papalymo. How many more?

With a sigh, Moro’a feels the last of his fight leave him, and he settles down onto the stone. “And what’s worse is my failures haunt me, clouding my judgement and rendering me unable to see the future for its myriad possibilities. I cannot unsee potential suffering in the stars, and this has only caused further harm to the ones I care about.” He closes his eyes, but he can’t avoid seeing the hurt on Aymeric’s face from when they’d fought. “The last thing I want is to perpetuate that.”

He hears Leveva settle into the snow with him. “Losing my father was the most painful thing that ever happened to me,” she says after a while, a little timidly. “And yet….I do not know if I can fairly comprehend everything you have been through.”

“I would not wish that on anyone.”

“Mmm. But neither should you have to bear that weight alone.” Moro’a doesn’t have an answer to that, and so he chooses silence. They remain seated for a while, listening to the winds howl around them until it becomes too cold to stay. “We should head inside,” Moro’a suggests, and Leveva nods.

“I don’t intend to throw it all away,” Moro’a relents later, as they’re making their way back to the aetheryte. “If perhaps, I believe myself ready to try again….I don’t know for certain if that will happen. But I do not want yours and Jannequinard’s efforts to have been in vain.”

“In that case, I ask that you keep the soulstone.” He hears the gratitude in Leveva’s voice. “Not because I believe you must return to astromancy. But should you ever find yourself turning to the stars once more….I want you to have something to help you find your way. It’s the least I can do for you.”

#ffxivwrite2022 #ffxivwrite #kae scribbles #okay another one banged out i am almost up to date with prompts now #time to SLEEP

[witchofthescions]

Once Ernastral's feet met the familiar cobbles of Ishgard's aetheryte plaza, she began walking on autopilot. The same path she'd walked hundreds of times before over the previous year. So familiar she could walk it in her sleep.

She may as well have been sleeping, as the next thing she knew she was in the Pillars not too far from the Fortemps manor. She had no memory of traversing the distance between. The cold Coerthan winds seemed to cut through her as she stood at the bottom of the stairs just down the path from the manor's entrance. She rubbed her arms distractedly, momentarily frozen in indecision. Part of her wanted to head inside, into the warmth of the familiar old manor.

But what would they think of you? Of what you have done?

She hugged herself tighter against the cold and swiftly made her way past. So lost in her own thoughts was she that she failed to notice the door open as she hurried by, nor did she mark the worried look of the man who chanced to exit just in time to spot her.

She knew the Pillars like the back of her hand, having trod its streets so many times. Ishgard was almost like a second home to her, almost as dear to her as her home in the Farreach. If only her family home weren't so remote and difficult to reach.

As she passed by the Tribunal, she heard a well-dressed Elezen man let out a wistful sigh. She glanced up, eyeing him with a certain amount of confusion.

"After witnessing a spectacle like that, everyday life seems rather dull in comparison..."

"Like what?" Ernastral asked. The man glanced up at her, eyes widening in surprise.

"Hm? So you didn't see that trial earlier?" Erna shook her head. The man shrugged. "Ah, your loss. Fury take me, the way that heretic swung that slab of iron he called a sword was a sight to behold!"

Erna's stomach twisted in knots. She knew some people still clung to the old ways in Ishgard, even after being shown how corrupt the roots of the church were. 

"He couldn't have carried a shield if he'd wanted to, the blade was so big. Had to keep two hands on it at all times! I was amazed he managed to keep up with that Temple Knight for as long as he did."

Gohnoh'a's blade would fit that description, Erna mused. The thing was nearly larger than he was, and he was on the tall side for a Miqo'te.

"Fought like a demon from the deepest pits of the seventh hell, bellowing threats and working his arts," the man continued. Erna perked up at that. That sure described how Gohnoh'a fought, too. "I wasn't sure what to make of it at first, but then I heard someone say that he must be a dark knight!"

Dark knight... She hadn't heard of that before. She fixed the man with a curious look, about to ask him for more details. But a worried look came over him and he glanced around as if he expected someone to spring from the shadows and accost them.

"B-But you didn't hear that from me, eh!? In fact, I'm sure I don't know anything about it!"

For a moment, Erna considered leaving the man to it. Maybe she should leave this mystery well alone, since he seemed reluctant to divulge anything. And the consequences of someone from the church overhearing them could potentially be... dire.

But Erna was a curious lass through and through.

"Tell me more about this 'dark knight' fella," she pressed. The man looked even more fearful as he held up his hands defensively.

"Ye gods, are you mad!? We're standing outside the bloody Tribunal!" He let out an irritated sigh, taking one more furtive look around to confirm they were the only ones nearby. "Fine, fine! But keep quiet and listen well, because I'm only going to say this once!"

Erna nodded, leaning in closer. The man cleared his throat.

"So as I was saying, that heretic was fighting like a man possessed. Even after he took several wounds, he showed no sign of pain─though there was no mistaking the blood. As the fight wore on, it began to soak through his armor, spreading to every ilm of his body. But when it began to rise and envelop him as a mist, I realized it wasn't blood, but something dark and twisted..."

Erna's eyes widened as her mind began to race with questions and theories. Magic worked through blood? It wasn't unheard of. She'd spilled quite a bit of blood while taking the rites to become a Black Mage, after all. And there were many forbidden spells and rites that used blood as a reagent. Sometimes any blood would do, sometimes voidsent blood was needed, and sometimes the blood of other magical creatures like dragons was used. It made for a very potent ingredient at times.

"But the righteous are not so easily cowed, Halone be praised! I screamed myself hoarse when that Temple Knight slipped past his guard and ran him through."

Erna had to hide her disappointment.

"Good riddance, I say. Man was not meant to wield such arts!" A wince. Many would make the same claim about black magic, too.

"Yet I wonder... was he truly one of those... those..." The man let out a huff and waved a hand, as if chasing the thought away. "Well, it matters not. I heard the Temple Knights talking of dumping his corpse in the Brume. By sunrise, it'll be stripped bare and tossed over the walls. It will be as though he never was..." He glanced up at Erna with a knowing look. "And as though we never had this conversation."

Erna nodded and thanked the man for his time, before heading off towards the Brume. Morbid of a thought as it was, perhaps the man's body might hold something resembling a clue as to the nature of the powers he wielded in life.

#The Unending Journey (Drabbles) #Born in Blood (Stormblood) #Darkest Defender (Dark Knight)