#dammit Theo be a bitch

[cicadas-in-the-winter]

Writing a story and trying to edit my authorial voice out is so hard. Like I wanna be SNARKY but my character is not at my level of snark yet 😣

#dammit Theo be a bitch #I know you were raised to not be but YOU DESERVE TO CLAP BACK SOMETINES. #writer things #author #novelist #My fic

[glow-wine]

OK, I watched the Rings of Power Season 2 trailer, so my Youtube recs are probably going to be full of ragebait culture warriors for a time.

Anyway, tailers are always inherently silly but I really like that this one opens with the line "An evil, ancient and powerful, has returned!" but instead of being spoken in an ominous and dark tone, it's said by Durin and sounds mostly annoyed, like his next line is going to be "... and I took that personally."

What else? Elrond had such a cozy storyline in Season 1, and now here he is with a sword, poor thing.

I'm actually shit at recognizing voices sometimes, so I don't know who says all the other stuff. I never care all that much about trailer dialogue, to be honest, like yeah, yeah, Sauron evil, he's tricked us! That sneaky son of a bitch! How dare he! Infiltrating Elf City!

There he is, disguised as an elf but actually with the same general face we know and love, just added some pointy ears and blonde long hair and I bet this actually works on most elves who probably don't pay enough attention to humans to remember their faces. This arrogance will be your downfall!! (Sorry if this is offensive to Tolkien elf aficionados, my brain is currently tuned to Dungeon Meshi elves. They'd totally fall for this.)

"Every soul in Middle-Earth is in peril" spoken over a few shots of characters in peril or at least not having a good time.

There's Arondir, still functioning as a one-man army, and it looks like he's coming to Isildur's rescue, just doing his thing helping people. That guy deserves a vacation, dammit.

I want a big eagle, too.

Theo not having a good time, Isildur not having a good time. Brief look at new Adar, aw, I am rooting for Adar, but he's made the strategic error of antagonizing EVERYONE. And where's Waldreg? :(

I forgot about Maybe-Gandalf but there he is! Where is his little friend? Too small to see.

Celebrimbor looks so done with the whole rings thing. CELEBRIMBOR CALLED THE COPS ON SAURON!! Well, I'm sure this will end with Sauron getting arrested and everyone lived happily ever after. Yaaay.

Looks fun.

#the rings of power #rings

[gabykatttt]

Espresso

Come on Aria don’t be such a baby Sonata said smirking.

Yeah sis we all know you like him Adagio said crossing her arms with a smirk on her face.

I fucking hate you guys so damn much Aria growled blushing.

Don’t be such an asshole and sing the damn song already Sonata said rolling her eyes.

Fuck you Sonata Aria said getting on the stage with rage.

With Alvin,Brittany and Theodore

Don’t shy big brother I know you like her am I right Brit Theodore said smirking.

Yeah he does Brittany said.

Shut up you two at least she’s awesome Alvin said blushing.

And plus Theo you definitely have a crush on Adagio since you first saw her Alvin said smirking.

No I d-don’t Theodore said blushing.

By the way Brit you think that Sonata is so damn hot when she’s crazy as fuck Alvin said looking at his ex girlfriend.

Brittany couldn’t help but blushed and looked down.

Alright everyone put your hands in the air and give around of applause for Aria Blaze.

Ooo Alvin you’re girlfriends here Theodore said giggling.

Alvin blushed and rolled his eyes.

The song began to play and Aria started to sing.

I fucking hate this Aria thought blushing.

Aria 🎶🎤

Now he's thinkin' 'bout me every night, oh

Is it that sweet? I guess so

Say you can't sleep, baby, I know

That's that me, espresso

Move it up, down, left, right, oh

Switch it up like Nintendo

Say you can't sleep, baby, I know

That's that me, espresso

I can't relate to desperation

My 'give a fucks' are on vacation

And I got this one boy

And he won't stop calling

When they act this way

I know I got 'em

Too bad your ex don't do it for ya

Walked in and dream came trued it for ya

Soft skin and I perfumed it for ya

I know I Mountain Dew it for ya

That morning coffee, brewed it for ya

One touch and I brand newed it for ya

Now he's thinkin' 'bout me every night, oh

Is it that sweet? I guess so

Say you can't sleep, baby, I know

That's that me, espresso

Move it up, down, left, right, oh

Switch it up like Nintendo

Say you can't sleep, baby, I know

That's that me, espresso

Is it that sweet? I guess so

I'm working late 'cause I'm a singer

Oh, he looks so cute wrapped around my finger

My twisted humor, make him laugh so often

My honey bee, come and get this pollen

Too bad your ex don't do it for ya

Walked in and dream came trued it for ya

Soft skin and I perfumed it for ya

I know I Mountain Dew it for ya

That morning coffee, brewed it for ya

One touch and I brand newed it for ya

Now he's thinkin' 'bout me every night, oh

Is it that sweet? I guess so

Say you can't sleep, baby, I know

That's that me, espresso

Move it up, down, left, right, oh

Switch it up like Nintendo

Say you can't sleep, baby, I know

That's that me, espresso

He's thinkin' 'bout me every night, oh

Is it that sweet? I guess so

Say you can't sleep, baby, I know

That's that me, espresso

Move it up, down, left, right, oh

Switch it up like Nintendo

Say you can't sleep, baby, I know

That's that me, espresso

Is it that sweet? I guess so

That's that me, espresso

The crowd clapped their hands and Aria went backstage.

God dammit he fucking saw me in the damn dress god Aria said blushing.

Aww see sis I know you like him this whole time Sonata said laughing.

Ohh Alvin you’re so damn hot come to my house for some fun Adagio said laughing as well.

Ohh Theodore you’re so cute when you get mad Aria said.

Adagio stopped and blushed angrily.

Hey I don’t have a crush on Theodore we’re fucking rivals Adagio said still blushing.

Ahh Brittany you’re so hot when you look at me like that Aria said looking at Sonata.

Hey me and Brittany were just friends what the fuck Sonata said blushing covering her face.

That’s what I fucking thought Aria said giggling at her sisters embarrassment crushes.

With Alvin,Theodore and Brittany

Damn Aria looks so hot in that dress fuck Alvin said blushing deeply red.

Looks like someone’s having true feelings for Aria Brittany said smirking.

Yep he really does Theodore said bumping into Adagio.

Ugh watch where you’re bitch Theodore said looking at Adagio.

Well look before you walk dumbass Adagio said crossing her arms.

Okay lovebirds no need to fight Alvin said smirking.

We’re not lovebirds Theodore and Adagio growled blushing to each other.

Yes you are Sonata said smirking.

Sonata shut up before I beat your ass Adagio said blushing.

Make me bitch Sonata said about to attack but Brittany stopped her.

Looks like your girlfriend’s here too Theodore said smirking.

She’s not my girlfriend for fuck sake Sonata said blushing holding on to Brittany.

Brittany blushed and looked away.

Can we go home now I feel uncomfortable wearing this fucking dress Aria said crossing her arms.

Alvin took off his hoodie and gave it to Aria.

Aria smiled and put it on.

Awwww the gang said.

Shut up Alvin and Aria said blushing with embarrassment of anger.

#the dazzlings #the chipmunks #brittany miller #alvin seville #theodore seville #crossover #adagio dazzle #aria blaze #sonata dusk

[aspenmissing]

𝙳𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚕'𝚜 𝚃𝚛𝚊𝚙 (𝙿𝚝 𝟹)

"It's you, isn’t it? We've been looking for you for a long time" Sam says.

"Well, you found me"

"But the holy water?"

"You think something like that works on something like me?" Sam tries to fight the force that has pinned him to the wall, but fails.

"I'm gonna kill you!"

"Oh, that'd be a neat trick. In fact," He puts the gun down on a table "Here. Make the gun float to you there, psychic boy" Sam looks at the gun, but nothing happens.

"Well, this is fun" He walks over to the window besides Dean and Y/N "I could've killed you a hundred times today, but this...." He sighs "This is worth the wait" Y/N struggles, but it still pinned to the wall. John looks over at her.

"Your Dad – he's in here with me. Trapped inside his own meat suit. He says "hi", by the way. He's gonna tear you apart. He's gonna taste the iron in your blood"

"Let him go, or I swear to God-" Dean says.

"What? What are you and God gonna do? You see, as far as I'm concerned, this is justice" He comes over to Dean "You know that little exorcism of yours? That was my daughter"

"Who, Meg?"

"The one in the alley? That was my boy. You understand"

"You've got to be kidding me"

"What You're the only one that can have a family? You destroyed my children. How would you feel if I killed your family?" He smiles at Dean "Oh, that's right. I forgot. I did. Still, two wrongs don't make a right"

"She died screaming...I watched her wither in pain as I finished the last verse of the exorcism" Y/N says. She suddenly feels a force and she couldn't breathe.

"Stop! Stop it, let her go you fucking bitch!" Dean shouts. The force around Y/N's neck disappears and she takes deep breaths. John smirks at her.

"You son of a bitch" she says.

"I wanna know why. Why'd you, do it?" Sam asks. John turns to him.

"You mean why did I kill Mommy and pretty, little Jess?"

"Yeah" John turns back to Dean and Y/N.

"You know, I never told you this, but Sam was going to ask her to marry him" John backs up towards Sam "Been shopping for rings and everything" He turns to Sam "You want to know why? Because they got in the way"

"In the way of what?"

"My plans for you, Sammy. You...and all the children like you"

"Listen, you mind just getting this over with, huh? Cause I really can't stand the monologuing" Dean says and Y/N nods, faking a yawn. John goes over to them.

"Funny, but that's all part of your M.O., isn't it? Masks all that nasty pain, masks the truth"

"Oh, yeah? What's that"

"You know, you fight and you fight for this family, but the truth is they don't need you. Not like you need them. Sam – he's clearly John's favourite. Even when they fight, it's more concern than he's ever shown you. And Y/N was John's princess, he would put her before you any day"

"I bet you're real proud of your kids, too, huh? Oh wait, I forgot. I wasted 'em" Dean just smiles at him and John looks at Dean. He steps back and puts his head down. When he looks back up Dean suddenly yells in pain.

"Dean! No!" Sam shouts.

"Let him go you fucking bastard!" Dean starts to bleed heavily from his chest. Sam and Y/N start to struggle against the force pinning them. Y/N is forced to look next to her and see her twin being killed.

"Dad! Dad, don't you let it kill me!" John looks at him again and smiles. Dean starts screaming in pain.

"Dean! No!" Sam shouts.

"Please! Stop!" She pleads, tears falling down her cheeks. Blood is flowing out of Dean. Sam and Y/N struggle as hard as they can to break free. Blood is running out of Dean's mouth.

"Dean, please" Dean passes out.

"Dean!"

"Dean! Dammit keep your eyes open. Please!" John then walks over to Y/N, grabbing her by her chin and looking at her.

“And you, my daughter. I don’t know what to do with you. Can’t exactly kill you…at least not yet. So, I wonder.” John then stands back as Y/N feels the pressure back in her throat as she begins choking.

“Stop! Stop! Leave her alone!” Sam shouts.” Damn it! Stop it!” Theo slowly begins to lose consequence.

"Stop" John, the real John, whispers. Sam is suddenly let go "Y/N" Y/N is then let go, the pressure around her neck too, where she falls to her knees and breaths heavily. She then goes to Dean and cradles him, keeping pressure on his wounds. Sam dives and grabs the gun off the table. John turns to him, eyes yellow once again, and Sam aims the gun at him. "You kill me, you kill Daddy"

"I know" Sam fires the gun, shooting John in the leg. He falls down and goes over to his brother and sister.

"Dean? Dean, hey? Oh God" Sam says, helping Y/N put pressure on his wound.

"He's lost a lot of blood, Sammy. So much blood" Y/N says, breaking down.

"Where's Dad?" Dean mumbles.

"He's right here. He's right here, Dean"

"Go check on him"

"Dean"

"Go check on him" Sam looks at Y/N.

"Go, I've got him. She says" Sam gets up and goes over to check on John. He is lying motionless on the floor.

"Dad? Dad?" John suddenly looks up.

"Sammy! It's still alive. It's inside me, I can feel it. You shoot me. You shoot me! You shoot me in the heart, son!" Sam aims the gun at John "Do it now!"

"Sam, don't you do it. Don't you do it" Dean says.

"You've gotta hurry! I can't hold onto it much longer! You shoot me, son! Shoot me! Son, I'm begging you! We can end this here and now! Sammy!"

"Sam, no" Y/N says.

"You do this! Sammy! Sam..." The demon suddenly leaves John in a black cloud from his mouth. It disappears through the floor. John looks at Sam accusingly.

==

Sam is driving with John by his side. Dean and Y/N is in the back seat. John gasps in pain, Y/N has her arms wrapped around Dean, who is slumped in her chest.

"Look, just hold on, alright. The hospital's only ten minutes away"

"Please hold on Dean" Y/N says, putting her head on his, tears falling down her cheeks.

"I'm surprised at you, Sammy. Why didn't you kill it? I thought we saw eye-to-eye on this? Killing this demon comes first -before me, before everything" Sam looks in the rear-view mirror at Dean and Y/N, seeing how vulnerable the two are.

"No, sir. Not before everything. Look, we've still got the Colt. We still have the one bullet left. We just have to start over, alright? I mean, we already found the demon...."

"WATCH OU-" Y/N is cut from an eighteen-wheeler that suddenly slams into the passenger side of the Impala at full speed, driving it sideways in front of it. The driver of the semi is sitting behind the wheel. His eyes are black. Dean, Sam, Y/N and John are all unconscious in the car-blood covering them all.

#supernatural #older sister winchester #oc insert #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fandom

[brendaaaa]

Dumb Russian (Boris Pavlikovsky x fem!Reader)

You stormed into the apartment building, furious with Boris. After three months, three whole fabulous months of dating, you had strong reason to believe he was cheating on you. With none other than your very best friend Theo Decker. You were practically seething as you threw open his bedroom door. “BORIS!”

He looked at you with a thoughtful expression. He was strewn across his unmade bed in just a pair of ratty jeans. A cigarette teetered between his middle and forefingers. “Woah there, принцесса (princess). What is wrong?” “Everything. Everything is wrong Boris! You stupid fucking idiot!” You kicked his bed frame. He looked at you, slightly disturbed. “What did I do?” “Oh! Play dumb, sure you asshole! You know what you did,” you scoffed, rolling your eyes. It was a painful truth you had seen written in a notebook in your boyfriend’s untidy scrawl a few days ago. Wish I had Potter instead of my любимая девушка, he’s so good В постели. (Girlfriend, In bed.) It took you three days to translate. Three goddamn days struggling through your English-Russian dictionary, three days poring over the notebook, desperately wishing for it to mean anything else. Anything but the unbearable truth. That Boris was indeed cheating with “Potter”, his stupid nickname for Theo. You spent all night crying, sobbing into your pillow. Tossing and turning and deciding whether or not to confront him. After the few restless hours that you were able to sleep, you woke up angry. And all you wanted was to know why your boyfriend “wished he had Potter.” “Oh god Boris, don’t even give me that innocent face bullSHIT,” you escalated, throwing your arms up in the air. Boris didn’t move a muscle except to take a puff on his smoke. “If it was bullshit, as you say, then why do I not know what you are talking about?” He said calmly. “You idiot!” You screamed, a tear escaping your eye. “You cheated on me!” You choked back a sob. “How could you?!”

Boris still looked confused, but there was a twinge of annoyance in his voice as he said, “Pot calling the kettle black, Y/n?” Your eyes widened in disbelief, as you sniffed, wiping a tear off your cheek. “What did you say?” Boris sat up, discarding his cigarette, “You say...I’m a cheater. But you aren’t one to talk. I know what you do.” You bitterly laughed, “I don’t know if this is some sick game of yours, trying to avoid telling me the truth, but it’s absolute bullshit. Be a fucking man, Boris. Own up to what you did.” “Own up to what? I never slept with anyone else. You are галлюцинации. Псих” (Hallucinating, crazy). “I’m what? Speak english, asshole!” He rolled his eyes to the high heavens. “Doesn’t matter. Doesn’t fucking matter. YOU are a cheater, y/n. I saw you leave his house.” You brushed him off, “No, no, no. I’m not falling for your stupid trick! Just tell me why you did it! Was I not good enough?” You said, emotion spilling out of your words. “Why don’t you tell me, сука?” (bitch) “I saw you. I wasn’t going to tell you I saw. I didn’t think it worth confrontation. But, here you are, being a Псих сука.” (crazy bitch) “So why, y/n, WHY DID YOU DO IT?” He got up, raising his voice and pointing a finger in your face. “I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!” You yelled back. “WHY DID YOU BORIS? WHY DID YOU?” You cried, tears now dripping down your face. “I...did NOTHING,” he spat. “You,” you sobbed. “You hurt me. You HURT ME!” You screamed, backing away from him. “YOU ARE CRAZY! OUT OF YOUR MIND! I DIDN’T CHEAT ON YOU, YOU CHEATED ON ME!” Boris shot back. “NO, BORIS, NO! IT’S THE OTHER FUCKING WAY AROUND! I SAW WHAT YOU WROTE ABOUT YOU AND THEO!”

Boris froze, and you thought miserably, ha, got him. But instead he tilted his head to the side, “Y/n, are you stupid? You know Theo and I used to hook up. Before you. It was probably old. Show me. What did I write?” You glared icily at him through tears, because even if he didn’t actually cheat, he had still accused you of it. Which made no sense at all, as you would never dream of seeing anyone else. But nevertheless, you reached for your backpack and pulled at the notebook, throwing at him.

He managed to catch it before it dropped to the ground after hitting him squarely in the chest, and opened it to the dog-eared page. He scanned it for a moment, then snorted, tossing it on the bed.

“Girlfriend. You thought that was you?”

You nodded, very confused.

“No. Kotku, my ex girlfriend. A real сука,” Boris sucked in his teeth and continued, “I cheated on her. Yes, with Theo. But Theo doesn’t want to be with me. I don’t want to be with him. I’ve been faithful the whole time we are together. You,” he shook his head. “You have not been.”

“Lies,” you wiped your face with your sleeve. “I never ever would’ve cheated on you, Boris. Not in a million years. I don’t know what you saw. But I promise.”

He sneered at you, shaking your head, “Like I’ll believe you. I saw you leave Theo’s house. You probably staged this to try and cover up what you did. Didn’t you?”

“But-Boris, what?” you sputtered, trying to understand. “You friggin’ saw me leave Theo’s house? Well, OKAY! He’s my best friend, I didn’t know hanging out with friends was incriminating evidence all of the sudden,” you said, exasperated.

Boris glared, crossing his arms.

“Dumb russian,” you added for good measure.

“Uh, guys? What’s going on?” A voice asked, and you spun around to see Theo, holding his coat and looking perplexed.

“Oh, thank god!” You exclaimed. “Theo, tell Boris we never slept together!”

Theo made a face, “Excuse me? Boris, what the hell? Why would I sleep with your girlfriend?”

Boris didn’t respond, he actually seemed kind of embarrassed that he was wrong, so you filled Theo in on the fierce argument you just had.

When you were done explaining, he only shook his head, a slight smile on his face.

“What?” you asked, rather defensively.

“Only you two,” he grinned. “Well, go on.”

“What?” Boris raised an eyebrow.

“Apologize to each other, dammit!” Theo exclaimed, and you begrudgingly stuck out your hand.

“Boris, I’m really sorry for assuming the worst. Forgive me?”

He shook it, saying, “I forgive, принцесса” (princess)

“I’m sorry too.” he said. “Want a beer?” He pointed towards the kitchen.

You grinned, “yeah,” and just like that, things were back to the way they always were.

“Come on,” Theo complained. “I came here to hang out, not to babysit you two.”

“Then don’t,” you said sassily.

“Get wasted with us,” Boris suggested.

Theo swore under his breath, then grabbed a bottle.

“Fine. But only a little.”

You and Boris turned, made eye contact, and laughed, knowing that Theo would get plenty drunk in no time. You kissed his cheek, so relieved that you had screwed up, and Boris still loved you.

As if reading your mind, he muttered, “I love you, принцесса,” under his breath, so that you and only you could hear.

Word Count: 1120

#boris pavlikovsky #Boris Pavlikovsky x reader #russian polish australian guys amiright #misunderstandings #angst before the fluff #somewhat toxic relations #ruining your lungs for fun #the goldfinch #theo decker

[ayalablack]

Everyone out there talking about ship and whatever when I am like : FRIENDSHIPS PEOPLE. PACK AS FAMILY.

Like??? We NEED Stiles and Scott acting like baby Liam parents ??? Because?? They're ?? Just them being tired with their children (Stiles: and Theo. Scott: Stiles !!) Shenaningans.

Derek being like haha now feel my pain and being the cool uncle

Stiles and him sassing each other and just being them BECAUSE YES BITCH. Y'ALL WRITERS BETTER NOT FORGET THEIR CHEMISTRY.

Lydia sweet smart and wonderful Lydia being as awesome as always and now conniving with both Malia and Kira (what do you mean Arden isn't confirmed being back? Obviously she'll be there.)

Isaac (again i can't hear you Daniel will be there) and Stiles finally developing a friendship based on snark. All the snark. And threatening people to tear their throat out if they so much as look at the other wrong.

Mason and Corey still being happy together.

Jackson and Ethan still being happy together.(with more contacts with the pack in Beacon because they are friends dammit.)

Malia and Stiles.

Isaac and Derek. Because they deserved it dammit.

Isaac and Scott (Need I say more?)

Scott and Derek. (NEED I SAY MORE?)

CORA BEING IN CONTACT WITH THEM.

Cora + Stiles friendship. Because they both live for making Derek suffer and mock him. (They're also his biggest protector)

Derek is always scowling and complaining about them. He loves it.

Malia and Cora friendship because duh.

FBI agent Stilinski being awesome.

Future Vet Scott McCall being awesome.

Doctor Lydia Martin being awesome.

Parc ranger Malia Tate being awesome.

Deputy / Librarian Derek being awesome

Melissa and the Sheriff being awesome as always.

Daddy- I mean Papa Argent.

Creepy uncle Peter because we love him.

Peter + Stiles + Lydia being the absolute smartest (as always) and watching the trainwreck their pack is.

COACH FINSTOCK.

Greenberg is probably the threat. (It would be fucking hilarious. And terrifying)

#teen wolf the movie #teen wolf #stiles stilinski #scott mccall #lydia martin #derek hale #issac lahey #jackson whittemore #malia tate #cora hale #liam dunbar #theo raeken #i just want them to be happy #thanks for coming to my ted yell

[lollily]

I had to-

Chapter 84: night of the end night of the disastrous family dinner.

I just couldn't take most of the ep seriously so wrt that, here's a modern au fluff/crack fic of how I actually viewed the episode. Tw: strong language.

The silence was overbearing. No one spoke a word but the air was loud with unspoken jibe. This was not how Hange had expected to spend her weekend. Everything seemed to be going well just day before yesterday, why did things have to go tense? Oh. Right. Eren has been locked up. Not a big deal, honestly, just typical violent behaviour. Punching, kicking, broken bones, beating someone to the brink of death. Ah, youth.

Eren could've been bailed out last night itself, but unfortunately it was Levi's duty at the station that day. "You're going to stay here and reflect on your actions. Getting Grounded doesn't affect you anymore." is what he had said. Connie wishes it was him instead that had been locked up, atleast he could've skipped this God awful dinner.

Now don't get him wrong, he loved having the monthly family dinner, but not having Sasha around was a little boring, specially with how the atmosphere was looking. Connie wasn't mad at her for leaving him though, afterall she was visiting her parents after long.

What's this monthly dinner you ask? Well, it's not exactly a "family" dinner but more of a "we've known each other for so long that we're like a big family!" dinner. Which by Hange's proposal was held every month. It was a night for the adults to relax and catch up, the kids to have some home-cooked food after only having cafeteria meals, and the even younger ones to finally hear the exciting stories of college shenanigans.

What a contradiction to Hange's original plan was today's situation!

"All right! Can anyone help me with this?" Hange says in an attempt to distract the kids from the daggers being thrown from Grandpa Theo's direction.

"So we're just going to begin the dinner without addressing the elephant in the room?" Dammit. That old man just had to start. Hange wouldn't go as far as calling Theo Magath a son of a bitch, but in the 3 months her girlfriend's Uncle has spent with them, she can say, he was a real pain in the ass. She would often say this to pieck too, but never took any step to throw that man out. He was a guest and Hanji, even with how she was, was a good host.

"Because there isn't one." Great. It was Jean. Everyone else got to taking their own share of food, already digging in, looking down at their plates. Knowing well what was going to unfold.

"ignorant brats."

"I'm not being ignorant. I'm trying to not talk about a heavy topic in front of kids. It's a family dinner."

"why? Let them listen to deeds of their elders! They'll know what not to turn into. Can't keep your temper under control. Little demons picking up fights for no damn reason."

"We're the demons?! Have you ever tried to talk to Eren about how he feels? The reason behind his violent outbursts?" Jean disliked Eren. Yup, totally. But he hated how Theo would turn everything into talk about the horse and buggy days. "And for the record this time he was defending himself. 6 vs 1. A few broken noses are not a big deal. You just like to fucking lecture us, you don't even care."

"JEAN! Language!" "I don't think broken noses are not big deals" Onyankopon and Armin say at the same time. More like, Armin whispered quietly to himself but was heard by Mikasa who elbowed his side so as to say "now's not the time"

"Disrespectful" Theo muttered before making a loud slurping sound, downing the little left of his soup.

"Well to be honest it's just you we don't respect. We have plenty elders we respect. Levi-san, Hange-san, surprisingly even Yelena. It's just..you ig." Connie says nonchalantly, stuffing his mouth with chicken right after.

Theo's eyes seemed so close to falling out of the sockets with the way he was glaring at the buzzhead boy. The said boy busy asking Yelena for seconds who was now smiling at him probably because of the newly found information. The kids liking her was beneficial. She had been trying to get closer to the elder Yeager brother you see. The kids could be of some help.

Theo huffs and decides to continue on with his dinner and try not to make any conversation for the time being.

Pieck suppressed a laugh at the scene in front of her. Really, the head's seat has the best view. Falco and Gabi were having their own silent conversation, thinking if they should laugh or try to bring up a new topic. They glance towards Reiner who was.. well he was doing what he does best. Looking depressed like he's contemplating life. She needs to find a psychiatrist for her brother, Gabi makes a mental note.

"Hey Mikasa" Annie spoke and one could almost see shoulders relaxing. That is, until they froze up again, almost reflexively. Annie wasn't one to make conversation, more so with Mikasa. They weren't on bad terms, but they weren't on great terms either. Unknown to the boys, the two girls had actually been bonding over some talk. Curious ears perked up to catch her next words. Mikasa paled. Annie wouldn't. "Didn't you say you were helping Eren with his anger issues? He promised you about not getting into anymore fights right?"

Mikasa let out a rather big sigh of relief, internally obviously. Ofc Annie wouldn't, she's not that crude. "This time was self defense so he didn't really break the promise." Mikasa replies and ingests a spoonful of food. Making eye-contact with Annie.

"ehh~ he didn't listen to his girlfriend? even after you sealed the promise with a kiss?" The last syllable was unnecessarily dragged. Annie totally would.

And there goes Mikasa's eye-contact. All the blood rushed to her face and her shaky pupils were avoiding meeting anyone's.

Mikasa liked Eren, everyone knew that. Eren was not so subtle about his feelings either. These were well known facts. But there was only one question in everyone's mind-

"EHH?!? YOU TWO STARTED DATING?!??" Gabi exclaimed standing up in her seat, hands slamming down on the table, and just with that, all hell broke loose. Questions were being thrown around here and there and Mikasa was getting redder by the moment. She was swaying (?) Armin trying his best to calm her down. Falco's pleas for Gabi to get seated back down were probably not even reaching her. Or she was ignoring them on purpose.

Even Reiner seemed interested. "Were you peeping on them?" He asked Annie. "Ew no. I just happened to see it. Blame them for doing it by the bleachers on the football field." Falco heard that. He now has an image in his head he wished he never did.

"Okay but how long has it been???" Pieck asks.

"It has just been 2 months..." Mikasa tries to answer in a clear voice. Still avoiding eyes.

"2 months?! And you didn't tell us?!?" Hange threw her arms up in the air. Pieck just rolled her eyes at her girlfriend's reaction who most of the time sometimes didn't act her age, a fond smile on her face.

"well Armin knew"

"you mean to say I found out. I've been with you guys for long enough to get the hints" Armin giggled as he thought back at how his friends had been acting around each other in his presence back when he was yet to call them out. Annie side eyed him. She liked that sound. She thinks that's what bellflowers would sound like if they could emit tunes. She curtly covers her mouth in an attempt to hide the blush creeping onto her cheeks.

"I'm happy for you two" Onyankopon smiles at her. In the short time he has spent with the kids, he has grown quite attached to them. And it was same the other way around. First it was "Hange-san's colleague" now, he's the favourite Uncle.

"can we not talk about this. I don't want to picture that horse face." Jean makes a disgusted expression which earns him a "you're just lonely" and suggestive smirk from Connie.

"Right Right. Let's not talk about romance in front of Jean for now." Yelena says. Insincere smile and tightly shut eyes. This stops Jean from going for Connie's neck. He raises an eyebrow. He's about to say something when Yelena continues. "He's still not over Marco right? Talking about romance in front of him is like rubbing salt on the wound." Yelena needed the kids' favour, yes. But pulling their leg isn't something she'll miss out on.

Now it was Annie's turn to stiffen. In a strained attempt she voices, "you know how about we talk about something else-"

"it was a mutual break-up." Jean hisses.

The scowl wasn't directed at him yet Reiner found it appropriate to speak up, "I'm sorry it was my fault.." a low but remorseful apology.

"OH WILL YOU EVER FUCKING STUP UP WITH THAT!"

"hit a nerve there" Mikasa says to no one in particular, back to her snarky self now that she was no longer the centre of attention.

"But I really am sorry! I didn't mean to!"

"listen here you chicken dick. I don't fucking care what happened, just don't bring it up again."

"or maybe you should clear this out right now. Some of us don't know the whole thing." Yelena suggests, signature cheshire smile on those lips.

"but whyyy??? Why do I have to listen to this ball-less shit-bag fucking dimwit's lame excuses" Jean was wildly gesticulating.

Maybe it was the string of curses but the two young ones felt a laugh rising up their throats and immediately hid their faces. Their bodies were shaking with the suppressed laughter. Pieck shot them a knowing look but chose not to say anything.

Armin said in his kind diplomatic tone, "how about you hear it out for once and calm down okay? You're cursing way too much in front of the kids."

When Jean didn't say anything Annie started, "when we were nearing highschool graduation, Marco was talking about his college choices with Bertholto, which Reiner overhead and told Jean about." She looked over to Jean as if asking for permission to continue. He just looked away with arms crossed in front of him. Gabi could sense the heavy tension which only made the expecting glimmer in her eyes shine brighter. Annie knew Gabi was going to be let down so she just wrapped it up.

"yeah so Loverboy Jean here decided be a good boyfriend and applied to the same college but lo behold every love story has thorns." She said in a impassionate tone turning her hand about the wrist. "Apparently just a day before Jean's act of love, Marco's father had asked him to apply to a nearby college. So yeah, they ended up going separate ways."

"he broke things off because he didn't want a long distance relationship to hamper my studies" a small sniff came from Jean.

"I thought you said it was mutual. You did get dumped lol" Yelena chuckles.

"Not now!" Onyankopon whisper yells.

"wait. That's it? I thought Reiner slept with Marco or something" Gabi raises an eyebrow.

"you've been watching too many soap operas" Falco was embarassed.

"how can you say "that's it" Gabi? He's gay and stupid, cut him some slack" Connie snickers.

"oh fuck you too" Jean was sooo close to ringing Marco up.

"Actually that's not all of it." Heads turn towards Annie. "I knew about Marco's change in college plans but I didn't think Jean was serious about it so I didn't tell him" She simply shrugs. 'Old news is Old, we cannot change it' was her policy.

Few seconds of silence.

"See! I told you! Talking about it did clear the air right?!" Yelena was full on laughing now.

"I'm so so sorry" Reiner at it again. "OMG STFU IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU RN" Jean was ready to pounce but thankfully Armin caught him, "Jean!! Calm down okay calm down!" Mikasa was surprisingly undisturbed, continuing with her dinner inspite of being caught between the two struggling boys. She looked up at Annie. The blonde giving her a knowing smirk and then continuing with the dinner herself.

"Dude you literally still keep in contact with him and even meet him every now and then. I don't see a problem?" Connie was already done with the food and was rocking the chair with his feet.

"They still meet up?! Is that even a breakup?!? WHY ARE YOU EVEN SAD???"

"YOU WON'T GET IT!!" Jean's face made him look like a wailing baby to be honest. But he didn't care. He was totally going to rant to Marco tonight.

"GABI I TOLD YOU IT'S JUST HIM BEING GAY"

"CAN YOU LITERALLY STOP BEING HOMOPHOBIC RN?!"

"What?!? I SUPPORTED REINER AND BERTHOLTO! HOW CAN YOU SAY I'M HOMOPHOBIC?!"

"WE WEREN'T DATING?!?"

"...huh really? Then what were you guys?"

"friends??? I literally had a crush on Historia."

"Dude she's gay and taken." Armin pipes. "God your historia obsession gave me PTSD."

"I think you look great in a wig Armin"

"Thanks pieck-san but I don't know if it's really a compliment" Armin sweatdrops. Poor boy wore a wig during a play in highschool and since then has had Reiner telling him how similar he looked to Historia, far too often for his liking. It doesn't happen anymore.

By now, a lot of different conversations were going on at the table. Laughter and squeals reverberating around the room. (Theo didn't say much and still had a scowl but even he was too caught in all the various new topics that he wasn't angry about what he was earlier). If you were to remind them how tense they were not even 30mins ago, they'd probably laugh. Hange was happy with how things turned out.

"You guys are so damn noisy..." Everyone turned to see Levi standing with his arms crossed, looking at the table bubbling with life with his usual unimpressed face.

"Just came to drop off something." before he could welcome any curious questions, comes out into view, a sheepish Eren. A round of hollering. Huge grins spread across faces, one grumpy but nevertheless happy that the crowd was together.

"Packed dinner for two?" Hange walks over to the shorter man.

"Yeah. Sorry we couldn't join. Erwin has a lot of tests to correct it seems." He says grabbing the already prepared package of food. He gives one final look to the rowdy dinner table. "Quite the disastrous family dinner I'll say?"

Hange chuckles, "Quite the disastrous family dinner indeed."

-----------

Wohoooo looks like it's done. It was self indulgent tbh but if you enjoyed it, leave comments and feel free to reblog!

#Not me mentioning Erwin just because #it turned out too long #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #attack on Titan fanfiction #eren yeager #Mikasa Ackerman #hange zoë #levi ackerman #armin arlert #theo magath #Pieck finger #jean kristen #connie springer #Gabi aot #Reiner #Falco #Yelena #Onyankopon #Erwin Smith mentioned #familial fluff #crack/fluff #attack on Titan funny #aot crack

[emeraldtawny]

IkeVam Headcanons: Angry Vampires (Mild Crack)

Hello and welcome to “Let Them Say Fuck”, a crack headcanon piece for each vampire and how they would react in a situation when shit hits the fan and the only possible answer is to word vomit profanities or punch the nearest wall~ ^w^

I checked with many people who actually speak these languages to confirm its accuracy. However, if I do get anything wrong, I do apologise. It’s all fun at the end of the day anyway, right? Anyway, profanity ahead. Let’s go~!

~

Napo

Reason for anger: MC got kidnapped and was almost stabbed before he rescued her, barely subduing his rage.

Response: “Brûle en l’enfer, connard.” before taking her home and taking out the rest of his anger in combat training.

Translation: Burn in hell, bastard.

~

Mozart

Reason for anger: The piano tuner was a day late and didn’t seem repentant for his misdeed in the slightest.

Response: [muttered under his breath] “Geh staub fressen, du hurensohn. Leck mich im arsch.”

Translation: Go eat dust, you son of a bitch. Kiss my arse. (I had to include ‘kiss my arse’ since he kinda did make a composition of the same name bfuxkgjfxngx.)

~

Leonardo

Reason for anger: A tower of books collapses over him when he pulls one loose in his mess of a bedroom.

Response: Throws his hands in the air as he proclaims, “Vai all’inferno, pompinara. Porco Dio!”

Translation: Go to hell, cock sucker. Fucking God!

~

Arthur

Reason for anger: A bird stood him up...but it got him in enough of a rut to make him lose a chess match to Theo.

Response: “Fucking vazey wagtail making me look like death’s head upon a mop stick. Fuckin’ Theo, that fuckin’ wanker.”

Translation: Fucking stupid whore making me look like a miserable man. (Second part is self-explanatory.)

~

Vincent

Reason for anger: Someone thought that it was a good idea to grope MC without her consent.

Response: No words. Just the cleanest, most back-breaking suplex that you have ever witnessed upon another person.

~

Theodorus

Reason for anger: Just as a successful art trade was about to occur, the museum director ‘accidentally’ ripped the canvas and had to throw it away for no longer being suitable.

Response: “Vieze zakkenwasser. Krijg de klere! Pleur op!” and punches the doorframe on the way out.

Translation: Dirty douchebag. I hope you get cholera! Fuck off!

~

Dazai

Reason for anger: On an awful gambling streak. And today of all days is when everyone wants to talk to him when all he wants is to seethe privately.

Response: “エヘヘヘ... 死ね。”

Translation: Ehehehe...die. (うわ, 怖いよ〜)

~

Isaac

Reason for anger: He was just about to have a breakthrough in his work but he went to grab some coffee...and came back to all of the paper around the archive gone, likely thrown away by someone who thought it was trash.

Response: Clenching his fists until they turn white and punching the bookshelf as he exclaims, “Lord, so help me before I take your name in vain and run to the Devil himself! Bloody Nora…”

Translation: ...not needed? (Given how religious irl Isaac was, it seemed fitting to give him something like this.)

~

Jean

Reason for anger: He just…..remembers why he’s here. Remembers that Comte brought him back as a vampire.

Response: “Sacre bleu...fais chier.”

Translation: Good God...this pisses me off. (He’s a man of the church, so his swears are relatively tame….relatively.)

~

Shakespeare

Reason for anger: A self-proclaimed ‘critic’ thought they could give Shakes some helpful ‘tips’ for his ‘eyesore of a play’.

Response: [spoken with a deadly calm tone and the brightest smile] “Without beating ‘round the bush, more of your conversation would infect my brain. Away, you quailing, flat-mouthed miscreant.”

Translation: … yup.

~

Comte de Saint-Germain

Reason for anger: Will is being a piece of shit, so much so that MC’s life is put in grave danger because of it.

Response: [spoken in a calm and measured voice] “Putain, fuck, cazzo, mierda, scheiße, foda, kut, blyat, منيك.”

Translation: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. (Languages are French, English, Italian, Spanish, German, Portuguese, Dutch, Russian and Arabic respectively. Leo says the last time Comte spoke Arabic, an entire organisation of aristocrats ceased to be known again, so be wary.)

~

Sebastian

Reason for anger: Someone stole his precious notebook and the residents discovered his ‘pastime’.

Response: “くそー! この野郎。Je vais les tuer.”

Translation: Dammit! This bastard. I’m going to kill them. (Poor Sebastian...and poor guy coughArthurcough who will be receiving his punishment.)

#ikevamp #ikevam #ikevam headcanons #ikevam napoleon #ikevam mozart #ikevam leonardo #ikevam arthur #ikevam vincent #ikevam theo #ikevam dazai #ikevam isaac #ikevam jean #ikevam shakespeare #ikevam comte #ikevam sebastian #let these vampires say fuck! #I also put...way more effort into this than I should have bgiudfxkgd #didn't wanna disrespect their languages...but being monolingual does not help gbisdxf #anyway hey...been a while #hope you're all doing well...keep hanging in there :3

[bobasheebaby]

50 Gotham Quotes

Some of my favorite Gotham quotes. Many are perfect for our more villainous characters.

1 James Gordon: “Fear doesn’t need conquering. Fear tells you where the edge is.”

2 Jerome Valeska :  “There’s nothing more contagious than laughter.”

3 Bruce Wayne: “I don’t want revenge. I want to understand how it all works.”

4 Carmine Falcone: “For the first time in a long time, I feel alive. I remember who I am. I remember why I’m here.”

5 Oswald Cobblepot :  “Please don’t think too badly of me. We are what we are.”

6 Alfred Pennyworth: “Haven’t I told you to stop creeping up on people like that, it’s bloody rude!”

7 Selina Kyle : “It’s good you’re changing. Just don’t change too much.”

8 James Gordon :  “I promise you, however dark and scary the world might be right now, there will be light. There will be light, NAME.”

9 Oswald Cobblepot: “Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.”

10 Leslie Thompkins :  “We can’t change the past, but there’s a difference between moving on and letting go.”

11 Fish Mooney : “You have a little danger in your eye. I wonder what you plan to do with that.”

12 Fish Mooney: “We have one simple choice. We die here alone on our knees or we stand up, and we fight with our family.”

13 Theo Galavan: “Desperate times call for a strong measure.”

14 Theo Galavan: “To family. In the end, it’s all that matters.”

15 Bruce Wayne: “Bad dream.”

Alfred Pennyworth: “Oh. Was I in it?”

Bruce Wayne: “Not this time.”

16 Sarah Essen: “You don't bend, you'll get broke.”

17 Barbara Keane: “Aren’t all the best guys a little scary?”

18 Alfred Pennyworth: “Pick your battles. Don’t let them pick you.”

19 Fish Mooney: “Hope is a carrot easily dangled in front of the desperate.”

20 Alfred Pennyworth: “Taking a punch is just as important as throwing one.”

21 Jerome Valeska: “Everybody has to start somewhere.”

22 Fish Mooney: “NAME, you’re back. I’m starting to think you enjoy being hurt.”

23 Fish Mooney: “We’re family. We sink or swim together.”

24 Fish Mooney: “Family is built on trust, and that’s what we are. A family.”

25 Fish Mooney: “A lie with a heart of truth is a powerful thing.”

26 Fish Mooney: “My name is NAME, bitch. And you better tell me what the hell is going on.”

27 Selina Kyle: “The best liars always tell the truth.”

28 Selina Kyle: “Out there on the streets, it’s not enough to be strong. You gotta be mean. Gotta be ruthless.”

29 Carmine Falcone: “I never lose sleep over my enemies, Its my friends that keep me awake.”

30 James Gordon: “You coming?”

Harvey Bullock: “Let me say it in Spanish. No.”

31 Oswald Cobblepot: “You owe me a favour, NAME. You owe me!”

James Gordon: “Dammit.”

32 Bridgit Pike: “Why are you helping me?”

Selina Kyle: “Maybe you remind me of me. If I was a doofus.”

33 Jerome Valeska: “We all could go insane with just one bad day.”

34 Jerome Valeska: “To truly build something, you must first tear down what is already there.”

35 Edward Nygma: “A man with nothing that he loves … is a man who cannot be bargained. A man that cannot be betrayed. A man who answers to no one … but himself.”

36 Jeremiah Valeska: “ It’s the ones who are closest to you that you have to keep your eye on.”

37 Edward Nygma: “This is who I am. It was just finally admitting the truth to myself. Well, that and murdering some people.”

38 Edward Nygma: “The less you have, the more they’re worth. To friends.”

39 Jerome Valeska: “Good ol’ NAME. Always playing by the rules. That’s why I’ll outlive you. That’s why I’m loved, ’cause I don’t give a damn about the rules.”

40 Oswald Cobblepot: “When you know what a man loves, you know what can kill him.”

41 Edward Nygma: “The cupcake is sweet, the bullet is deadly. A beautiful woman’s a dangerous thing.”

42 Jerome Valeska: “That’s the spirit, boys. Think big, and kinky.”

43 Alfred Pennyworth: “There is no life, there is no love without pain.”

44 Edward Nygma: “The heart keeps its own time.”

45 Oswald Cobblepot: “Perhaps it’s not our friends but … our enemies that define us.”

46 Bruce Wayne: “I’m not afraid to die. Not if it means doing the right thing.”

47 Barbra Keane: “Your appearance can be a weapon, as powerful as any knife or gun.”

48 Bruce Wayne: “You’re either with me or you’re against me.”

49 James Gordon: “You think you know who I am. What I’m capable of. You have no idea.”

50 Harvey Bullock: “Don’t worry, discretion is my middle name.”

#gotham prompts #gotham quotes #bruce wayne #alfred pennyworth #oswald cobblepot #edward nygma #harvey bullock #james gordon #fish mooney #barbra keane #selena kyle #jerome valeska #writing prompts #dialogue prompts #drabble prompts #quaratine sucks and making these keeps my mind busy #i live in covid 19 hell

[gingerwritess]

SWEET JESUS THEO YOU'VE KILLED ME GOD I NEED MORE HAPPY LOKI LIKE THIS GOD I WANNA SMOOCH HIM AND I WANNA TAKE AN ASGARDIAN BATH SIGN ME TF UP AND FRIGGA GOD I LOVE FRIGGA AND LOKI BEING HAMMERED AND SWITCHING FORMS BECAUSE OF IT OH MY GOD I DIED LAUGHING AND TURNING HIS TONGUE INTO A SNAKE O H M Y G O D 😂😂AND DAMMIT I SAW THE SILVERTONGUE BIT COMING AND IT STILL GOT ME I CAN DIE HAPPY READING THIS THEO BLESS YOUR SOUL THANK YOU FOR THIS 😍💖😍💖😍💖😍👏👏👏👏👍👌👍👍👌👌💖💖😍😍😍💖😍💖😍💖😍

AKSJDJDJSJAJD YAY IM SO SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT it was a bitch to write but i actually thought it was pretty fun all finished :’)

so THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SAYING THIS, YOU MAKE MY HEART GO BOOM

#ask #gwanswers

[yharnamopossum]

okay i’m gonna go off abt netta before bed cus i am POSITIVE i will never give her an actual bio (and her actual full involvement with theo’s fam/story goes wayyy beyond what i’m actually including in my big writing thing lmfao) but she’s still a really. interesting person. so.

her ties to theo begin with his parents actually (and are strongest there), and it’s really just a complete fluke he himself ever actually met her tbh. hand of fate or smthn. she knew theo’s mom sara growing up and always had a huge crush on her but never said a damn thing about it, then she eventually joined the army where she met durante (theo’s dad), who then met sara, who then won sara’s heart, aaand then theo happened LOL. but still, netta just kinda. had to deal??

i mean it’s her fault she never said anything to sara abt her lil crush pfft but still. durante knew abt it, she admitted it to him, and he and netta were still friends (frienemies, maybe?? closer to the friend spectrum lol) despite that, but they still definitely had a little rivalry of like “lol i’m gonna steal your girl” “lol i’ll break your fucking kneecaps if u try bitch” or whatever. innocent (at first ooohhhhh.....)

after a while of fighting together in the army netta discovered that, hey! mercenaries make way more money than foot soldiers!! and she split, and then a rift kinda came between her and durante morally, which then shifted into just... a rift in general? and eventually things turned kinda (very) sour. esp since being a mercenary meant netta could go/stay wherever she wanted, including her (& sara’s) hometown, meaning she saw sara way more than durante ever did and could very clearly see that sara’s already terrible depression was worsening like crazy since her husband was gone so goddamn much (ESPECIALLY after she got pregnant + had theo since she ended up raising him more or less alone)

but netta kept her distance!! from sara i mean, like she’s not the kind to try to hook up with a vulnerable person when their spouse is away or smthn lmfao, so she offered sara support from a safe distance, but it still was just. it didn’t really help. esp since netta wasn’t there TOO terribly much since she didn’t want to step on durante’s toes, which... is a good idea on paper, i guess, but in execution it really just meant that sara’s husband AND her childhood friend were both suddenly distant asf and the poor thing had no idea why

then durante came back for a while to meet his bby son, and... everything went to shit. netta tried to convince durante to join her little mercenary troop so he could stay in the area, but he refused, which made netta even more upset since she saw that as him neglecting his wife, and things just. kept getting worse and worse. in the end netta was the one who [REDACTED] and it was just. bad. like, not her fault!! not really, durante was off the shits, but her fkin rivalry with + bitterness towards him really didn’t help with fkin like. second thoughts in the moment or w/e lmfao.

but that ended up being what more or less led to sara’s death, kinda?? just the whole Being Totally Alone thing. and netta pretty much knew that, so she just fuckin. peaced!! guilt and shame for letting things get out of hand, she couldn’t face sara afterwards and just. tried to forget (tried!! didn’t work!!!) and eventually heard of sara’s death like, not too terribly long after. which she still blamed on durante for just up and fkin abandoning his wife (buuut also somewhat on herself). bad bad bad.

slash cut to like, sixteen-or-so years later!! whomst the fuck does netta find trying to steal money from her camp?? fuckin. big-ass undead armadillo bitch boy who looks a little too similar to sara. guess who!!!!!

but this is kinda where netta’s involvement gets. weird?? cus she like... she pretty much pulled an anti-snape LMFAO cus rather than be like, “ohhh this is the kid sara had with that motherfucker durante who stole and then killed the love of my life and also is intrinsically partly to blame for her death himself since her being pregnant + having a child made everything worse... i’m gonna fucking torture him!!” she got like. WILDLY protective over theo, like immediately, like “i failed sara but i’m gonna keep her fucking kid safe mark my damn words.”

but she also fucking SUCKS as a person, on top of!! being a fuckin. lunatic?? she genuinely has no goddamn sight for distinguishing good and bad, right and wrong, etc etc. she sees an outcome that she deems as good and then ignores the morality of all middleman to GET to that outcome. it’s why she turned to mercenary work without any sort of second thought at all tbh (”money is good, and killing people makes money, therefore... killing people is good?🤔”), absolutely no moral compass. so she finds sara’s kid, she goes “i’m gonna protect him!!” and then her logic for HOW to do said protecting is “i know! i’ll manipulate him into joining my mercenary troop + make him more or less depend on me so i can keep an eye on him :)” like!! bitch!!!! no!!!!!!!!!!!!

but it WORKED!! theo is JUST like his father, so she knew EXACTLY what to say & do to get him to join her. and honestly?? she DID protect him -- force him to do some horrible things under the guise of “that’s just what we do fam,” sure, but protect him nonetheless -- and it wouldn’t have been all too fucking terrible if it weren’t for FUCKING theo’s shitty (second) ex oslo coming in and spilling the goddamn beans about [REDACTED] and throwing a wrench into goddamn everything (Everything Is Oslo’s Fault CANON™). theo said fuck you to netta and left her troop to join oslo’s and she just. she weirdly tends to just drop a subject once the other party has made up their mind, so she didn’t do anything to try to convince him to stay. she just said, “well, i’ll be here if you change your mind or want to talk about it :/” and that was that. peace.

regardless, she like. was never really a good person, but her heart was in the right place, kinda???? like, she really genuinely did/does care about theo and hopes to god he’s alright wherever he is (which ofc once theo ditched oslo that fucker had the nerve to tell netta “oh he died (:” cus he didn’t want to just admit he got broken up with but tbh netta knows better) but i mean. who tf knows i...... am kinda thinking of having her and theo meet again in the far far future to talk things out tho tbh...... hmph

idk man she’s just... weird. very well-meaning, somewhat, but also horribly manipulative and cold. her way of dealing with things not going her way is an immediate “welp! guess that’s just how things be!” quickly followed by a sudden and utter fucking off, which... honestly does more harm than good most of the time. like, if netta had stayed close to sara after durante’s death rather than going “welp! that’s that!” then, let’s be real, sara probably wouldn’t have died cus she would have had someone keeping her healthy. likewise, if netta had fought a bit more to keep theo with her rather than going “welp!” and letting him run off with oslo (who she KNEW would just use and abuse him), then!! theo never would have had to deal with all the bullshit he went through with that asshole!!! (in fact, come to think of it, if she hadn’t just gone “welp!” when theo FIRST declined her offer and had tried to convince him, he wouldn’t have had to go through any of the bullshit with his FIRST ex boyfriend EITHER smh dammit sis), but she’s just too fucking impassive + sociopathic. like, the biggest blow her heart ever had to endure was finding out that sara had died (+ the knowing that she herself had played an undeniable part in sara’s neglecting herself to death), and yet, know what her reaction was after .0003secs when the shock of it all had worn off??? “welp!”

wack

#oc nonsense #long post #netta [writing] #netta #oof this got long soz but she's weird #i stayed up way later than i should have writing this LOL oh well #i think i'm gonna have things be happier in modern stuff tbh #like i know she and sara will probably never actually get together even tho sara is still alive in modern shit #but at the very least netta can like. actually keep her fkin safe #esp in ballet au n stuff like that where theo eventually does exchange student type stuff and sara is left alone #she needs someone to watch after her :c #hh i lov sara sm i'll write about her eventually too lmfao #but! for now!! christ a bitch needs sleep!!!!!! goodnight lmfao

[bellamyblak]

also, some theo/thiam headcanons: theo choosing to go back to school to finish senior year with liam is completely voluntary. as in, he has enough credits to graduate, he just wants an excuse to stay in beacon hills that isn't 'liam dunbar'. liam finds out in the middle of lacrosse practice; theo is a little shit and likes to commentate liam's practices bc it riles liam up, and one day coach gets really annoyed and yells at him to just GRADUATE ALREADY (1/5)

STOP EJDHEFJREF I’M LAUGHING SO HARD. i totally can picture coach yelling for him so graduate. like ‘u bitch ass out here being a shithead like it’s y’alls foreplay but not on my field NOT with my team captain. u heard me raeken’.

also theo wanting an excuse that isn’t ‘liam dunbar’ is so petty. love love love that. my lungs JEHEJFF.

obviously, liam corners theo after practice and demands to know what coach meant, and theo knows that the cat’s out of the bag – liam already knows, and he’s just asking for confirmation so theo gives it to him. and liam is PISSED. he doesn’t speak to theo for a week, and honestly it’s the worst week ever for both of them (and for mason and corey, who are tired of dealing with their shit). on day 7, liam comes home to an empty house after lacrosse practice (2/5) 

listen i’m only reading one at the time, i’m doing my commentary as i go and the tension god. help. they are truly so extra. one wek of silence bc they cant be honest about how they feel.

no one’s home, theo’s truck isn’t in the driveway, and when he runs up to their shared room, theo’s clothes are gone. he’s two seconds away from a full blown panic attack when he hears the familiar hum of theo’s truck. it takes him a few moments to register that theo’s here, that theo hasn’t left, and then he’s running down the stairs, almost bumping into theo who’s carrying a load of fresh laundry, frowning when he spots liam’s mildly-panicked expression (3/5)

JHDWEFHERF STOP. he went out to do his laundry and liam was planning a rescue mission already. u could hear his heart break. liam’s life flashed before his eyes.

“what’s wrong?” “i thought you’d left” “i went to the laundromat. your washer’s broken, remember?” “oh” there’s silence for a moment, and then theo sets the laundry basket down, never once taking his eyes off liam. “why would you think i’d leave?” liam finds he can’t meet theo’s gaze, opting to stare at his feet instead. “thought you finally realised how dumb it was to stick around” “without saying goodbye?” “i’ve been a dick to you the past week” (4/5)

THESE PINING FOOLS. ‘without saying goodbye’ stop im crying.

bh my ‘theo goes back to school bc he can and not bc he has to’ hc stems from the fact that if malia, who spent half her life as a coyote, can graduate then so can theo dammit. also, theo’s always given off the vibe of being smart, not exactly gifted like lydia, but he’s just really well-read. books were probably the only constant companion in his life, growing up with the dread doctors and all. basically, what i’m saying is that theo is a closet nerd.

listen i never thought about theo going back even knowing he could graduate already. i always thought about him going back bc i love he idea of him and liam finishing school at the same time, but now i wholeheartedly take this as my hc. 

also i 100% agree. he really gives off the smart vibe. and it makes me so sad bc you are probably right, books were probably the only thing the dread doctos had laying around. some bio books about mutations and dna. others about species. and theo would grab the books when the doctors were done with them pretending he wanted to be in on what they were doing, , and not bc he wanted to learn more for the sake of it  but he was in fact looking for an escape and books were the only company he had.

now im sad. i love our closet nerd.

#anonymous #ask #thiam anon

[phoenixpinks]

TEAM LAZARUS 1001 NAMES

40 pages you crazies, it’s been a fun year as record keeper. 

Let’s try and reach 2,000 for next year!

Note: There are some spots where the emojis just didn’t register for me in the chat title. 

1) Team Lazarus

2) Team Adorable

3) Team Laz-R-Us

4) a FUCKING glass

5) SHEER MASTERMINDS

6) THE ANSWER IS NUN (STRIKE 2? WE’RE HAVING NUN OF THAT!)

7) FUCK CHUCK

8) Dream Team Lazy-R-Us

9) Dream Team Meme Team Laz👏R👏Us

10) Dream Team Meme Team Laz👏R👏Us Groupies

11) Hello welcome to Lazarus how can we cry with you

12) WHATS NEW LAZAROO (WOOOAH WOAH WOAH WWWWWOOAH)

13) Team Lazarus Team Mom

14) Team Lazarus Team Mom Team Rosebush

15) Team Lazarus - Thorn Edition

16) Team Lazarus - Thorn Mom Edition

17) “Take that funky butt and shake it all around…” - Edward Nygma

18) Jonathan Crane brutally murders a bitch

19) Jonathan Crane is our Murder Senpai

20) The Monarch returns to haunt us

21) un Patrol team Lazarus

22) Two Pun or not Two pun, that is the question

23) Hi my name is jim ichabod fear stork rance and i have short stork borwn hair

24) FUCK MONARCH

25) FUCK MONARCH (He’s fine…yup)

26) Jonathan Crane is totally fine there is aboslutly nothing wrong

27) Great Googly Moogly Everything’s Gone to Shit

28) @SkypeOfficial please remove this group there’s been a terrible mispunderstanding

29) endgame: jonathan slapping edward’s ass

30) Team Lazarus, Weakpoint: Hydration

31) Team Lazarus Momobile Beep Beep

32) Team Firewood

33) 847-bOI

34) The Doctor is In!

35) Mom Squad Roll Out

36) The Nyma Sass

37) The Nygma Sass

38) Sass Machine

39) CRANE LIVES HROO HRAA

40) CRANE LIVES CALLOOH CALLAY

41) Mission: Save Riddler’s sassy ass

42) Dr. Crane, master of Hardcore self medical treament

43) Dr. Crane, master of Hardcore self medical treatment

44) Dr. Crane, Master of Hardcore Self Medical Treatment ™

45) *football team chant* G👏C👏P👏D

46) Beep Beep here comes spooky

47) doot doot here comes spooky

48) Beep Beep here comes spooky

49) NOOT NOOT HERE COMES SPOOPY

50) Beepy Boopy here comes the spoop lord

51) here comes a sexy spooky

52) Our Lord and Saviour Jonathan Crane, hallowed be thine burlap,

53) Cult of Burlap and Riddles

54) DJ JC as the lead show with Rapper E.Nygma as backup

55) 55

56) Codot don’t do it oH MY GOD

57) Brb pizza

58) I wanted a turn to change the title sorry guys

59) SO IT IS TO BE WAR BETWEEN US

60) You don’t control me

61) You never leave. Not really.

62) Save the pupper

63) Save the Riddler

64) Be there in a sec sanna

65) Ya’ll are horrible

66) STOP THIS MADNESS

67) NEVER

68) Please don’t go

69) boys with fractured femurs who break into asylums for you 😍😍😭😭💋💋💦💦👏👏👏👌👌👌👀👀👀👅👅👅

70) Great googly moogly it’s all gone to shit… AGAIN

71) Trust a GCPD officer who makes bad puns in high stress times

72) Blessed by Scarepai

73) Welcome back

74) DID SOMEONE SAY MONARCH

75) I imagine when Jonathan saves Edward and the rogues see him again Jonathan’ll grab Edward, pull him in front of him, look dead ahead, and then someone’ll put on the opening theme of lion king while a lone spotlight shines down on edward

76) wE’rE aLl MaD HeRe

77) scarecrow the science bro (CRANE CRANE CRANE CRANE)

78) #PrayForCodotChords2k16

79) Rip GCPD 2k16 never forget 🙏🙏🙏

80) Crane deserves better than this

81) Pish Posh you’ve turned the Hatter into a Hater!

82) The Mad Hater Needs His Fucking Alice

83) The Mad Hater Needs A Fucking Life

84) Y'all need a fucking life more

85) Stop being mean to Jervis

86) being mean to jervis gives me life

87) Y u hatin on Jervis

88) leave my mad bby alone

89) Jervis did nothing wrong

90) Jervis did EVERYTHING WRONG WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN ABOUT

91) JERVIS DID NOTHING WRONG

92) RIDDLE 9 BOI

93) Half-Past Alfred

94) SPOOKY SCARY sceletus

95) Y'all need help

96) RIP Codot

97) Too Smart for the Plans to Find the Smartest 98) BREAK A LEG JON

99) BREAK BOLTON’S LEG JON

100) FUZZ IS A TEACHER’S PET (AND PROUD)

101) We befriended murder sempai

102) We befriended murder sempai

103) Make a bff bracelet with murder senpai

104) “Shake the Box to See if it Complains

105) "What a SPOOKtacular occasion” - Jonathan Crane at some point

106) Ra’s League of Legends

107) Riddler’s Label Pen

108) Can THEY get Edward’s cup of hot cocoa right???

109) Have fun storming the castle

110) GET 👏 OUR 👏 BBYS 👏 THERAPY 👏 PETS 👏

111) clayface!hannah confirmed 2k16

112) SQUAD WITH TAX BENEFITS

113) More annoying and pretentious than Edward

114) MOON MOON

115) Oh. My. God.

116) DAMMIT HANNAH

117) WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

118) Hannah Killed Crane!!

119) “tgis chat changes names faster than the captor changes his rules”

120) Moon Moon, Prince of Prose

121) Books-R-Us 2k16

122) angst, puns and ocs

123) Codot as Theo Saurus 2k16"

124) Ready for pain

125) #kingtheo2k16

126) A-TEAM BADA BING BADA BOOM

127) *faux french accent* A-TEAM BADA BING BADA BOOM

128) YOU GET A CAT, YOU GET A CAT, EVERYBODY GETS A CAT!!!

129) Story Planners Inc.

130) M O N A R C H

131) E D W A R D ’ S  A S S

132) What the heckle deckle did you just diddly done say about me, you little nerd? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Meme Team, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on The Captor, and I have over 3 confirmed riddle solves. I am trained in online research and I’m the top blogger in the entire codot army. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you clean out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my diddly words. You think you can get away with saying that lie to me over the Internet? Think again, meanie. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across Team Lazarus and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your riddleS. You’re dead, Hush. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can out meme you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in internrt combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of Google and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable hints off the face of the continent, you little twerp.  If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” kidnapping was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your undank memes.. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you snake.  I will rain puns all over you and you will drown in it. You’re dead, you viper.

133) Hello Arkham, I have 23 more patients to be admitted

134) Team Lazarus

135) Good 👏 Luck 👏 Brown 👏

136) Morals What Morals

137) Crane confirmed Pyro main in TF2

138) INTO THE KILN

139)  SAVE JONATHAN CRANE 2K16

140) Thomas more like ThomASS

141) INTO THE KILN

142) doting ignorami

143) LET JON USE HIS SCYTHE 2K16

144) Spoopy Scary Skeletor 💀

145) HROO HRAA 🎃👻💀

146) TEAM CRANE 2K16

147) TEAM MEME 2K16

148) FREE EDWARD NYGMA 2K16

149) FREE EDWARD NYGMA’S UNGRATEFUL ASS 2K16

150) Meaningful

151) Murder Sempai and the Ungrateful Kid in Time-Out

152)  What the heckle deckle did you just diddly done say about me, you little nerd? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Meme Team, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on The Captor, and I have over 3 confirmed riddle solves. I am trained in online research and I’m the top blogger in the entire rids army. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you clean out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my diddly words. You think you can get away with saying that lie to me over the Internet? Think again, meanie. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across Team Lazarus and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your riddleS. You’re dead, Hush. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can out meme you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in internrt combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of Google and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable hints off the face of the continent, you little twerp.  If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” kidnapping was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your undank memes.. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you snake.  I will rain puns all over you and you will drown in it. You’re dead, you viper.

153) Thank you, Codot

154) AFTER PARTY

155) AFTER PARTY (Thank you, Codot)

156) Hush: I finally have it, the brightest of minds…. *taps into followers minds* // Followers: nEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP, NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWNNNN // Hush: what the f-

157) 4311791161/174743432/17237911/974773/7353

158) Happy Birthday, Bill!

159) #GiveCrocaDuckling2k16

160) Password: M O N A R C H

161) #GiveJonathanCraneHisRingBack2k17

162) #GiveAllTheRougesBetterChildhoods2kforver

163) SaveZsasz2k16

164) #ChangeTheEducationSystem2k16

165) #IbelieveinZsazs

166) Clayface is at it again

167) Team Blanket Fort

168) Sionis’s Poor Mini Golf Score

169) Recollective Music Box

170) TEAM BERET

171) #TeamMimikyu

172) FUCK U TEAM BOARDGAME HAT

173) wow

174) screw you guys i’m going home

175) MASQUERADE PAPER FACES ON PARADE

176) a disaster beyond imagination

177) BRING DOWN THE CHANDELIER

178) paaaast the point of no return

179) Riddler’s butt club

180) IM NOT CLAYFACE OMF

181) Riddler’s peanut gallery

182) And how does that make you feel?

183) Codot save us from the math

184) Codot, Challenger Of Trig 2k16

185) THE MIDDLE FINGET

186) Monarch

187) How to train your fly trap by Pamela Isley

188) How to train your fly trap by Pamela Isley (Illustrated by Harley)

189) How to train your fly trap by Pamela Isley (Illustrated by Harley) And brought to life by Edward Nygma (narrator) and Jonathan Crane (fly trap)

190) Team Lazarus: Study Group

191) Riddle me this

192) It’s Sad O’ Clock

193) FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

194) Team Lazarus is breaking down Arkham’s door!

195) Monarch

196) New Title

197) Bookworm did nothing wrong and is precious

198) Asshole McAsshole Nashton: Edward’s father

199) Ashton Nashton Strikes Again

200) Team Lazarus: So extra

201) Protect Query from gross men

202) ANARCHY

203) “I am vengeance. I am the night. I AM MONARCH OF MENACE!

204) COME ON AND SLAM! AND WELCOME TO THE JAM!

205) Hannah’s at it again

206) Roman mcasshole Sionis

207) LetAlfredoBeHappy2k16

208) Pasta Shame

209) Team Lazarus’s Civil War: Don’t Cry Over Spilled Spaghetti

210) MASS SEND HROO HRAA

211) Hroo Hraa Secured

212) Operation: Make Edward Trust Us

213) #MakeEddieTrustUs2k17

214) Team Tiny Hroos

215) Detective Wayne- it’s me, Edward!

216) Indy’s Cane Thighs 👀

217) Nightmares and hell spawn

218) Leo got that dank fear toxin 👀👀👀

219) Den of Snakes

220) Den of Snakes

221) Den of Sneks (and one fox)

222) Dat Snort Tho

223) Haroo haraa

224) Snek snek snek snek snek

225) Get that stanky broken bond stuff away from me

226) Brown my lord and savior

227) Meet Zsaszarus Pit in the Lazarus Pit where its Lazarus Lit

228) MEET ME IN THE COURT, THOMAS

229) Sinister Memes

239) Hannah is Clayface. Must elminate Hannah.

240) I AM NOT CLAYFACE

241) ProtectStrawChild2k16

242) Don’t talk to me or my children about that 3D Batman cartoon EVER AGAIN

243) Alfredo Pennyworth 2k16

244) IT’S RAINING FURRIES

245) Mom Squad

246) Crane Spank

247) Crane Spank - Rated G for everyone

248) I will not embrace that man - Jonathan Crane

249) Swiggity swooty comin’ for that booty

250) Jervis is a smol bun bun

251) I AM NAUGHT CLAYFACE

252) I AM NAUGHT CLAYFACE (She lies)

253) I AM NAUGHT CLAYFACE (She lies) SO, NEGATIVE CLAYFACE?

254) CodotisaGift2k16

245) [7:15:18 AM]  Make like a Crane and burn him down

246) #Rogues!LittleShopOfHorrors

247) Dig Dug Dimmadome

248) Jello Crane

249) Support Sanna 2k16

250) Jon Crane the Science Train

251) The Scarecrow and his Tiny Hroos

252) The Scarecrow and his Tiny Hroos

253) Crane save us from the angry cheeto man

254) Alpacutie255) #KingCodot

256) Francesco the tap dancing cocktail shrimp

257) LetVictorAndNoraBeHappy2k16

258) Indy the cutest (snek)

259) 🎉Happy Birthday, Indy the cutest (snek) 🎉

260) Support Bookworm 2k16

261) Codot Is Our King, He Should V/O Everything

262) Jon, Jon, Jon, TITS, cats

263) #KingSkeletor

264) Give your bae the FLIPPER

265) Ahem... TITTYSPRINKLES AWAAAAAAAAAAY!

266) Zsasz vs Codot meme battle

267) Jonathan Crane's Rent is Too Damn High

268) "IF YOU DIE IN THE GAME YOU DIE FOR REAL

269) FUCKING DOUSE ME IN FEAR TOXIN IDGAF I AM WILLING I AM READY

270) Aesthetic: Edward paired with Que Sera Sera

271) Aesthetic: Edward Nygma Kinkshaming Jonathan Crane

272) Jonathan Crane Loves The Sideboob

273) Lego Batman Voice: I'M BATMAN

274) Zsasz will fight your bullies for free

275) Drumpf The Sith Lord

276) Please no political stuff thank you

277) Oh my god Codot (TM)

278) "Oh my Godot

279) RIP Leo the Viper, October 2016-November 2016 🙏🙏🙏

280) RIP Leo the PENGUIN, October 2016-November 2016 🙏🙏🙏

281) #IBelieveInBookworm

282) #ICan'tBelieveZsazsisBookworm

283) _removed conversation name_

284) BLANK

285) SIX MILLION TONS OF WHITE BULLSHIT ON MY DRIVEWAY

286) Everyone Boop Zsasz's nose

287) Psyche

288) Hannah's teachers are crazy

289) CODOT: QUEEN OF FRANCE

290) Spats on Cats

291) The Great Gaysby

292) Alfredo is the parent they deserve #SaveThem

293) Scarecrows Long Leggies

294) Give Edward His Glasses Back 2K16

295) Never Forget

296) Zsasz your local gentle farmerer just wants to tend to her goats

297) Zsasz your local gentle farmemer just wants to tend to her goats

298) Jonathan Crane: The Point Hoarder

299) Spats Over Spandex, Fashions By Leo

300) "Riddle meme this, Batman!"

301) Spoopy Jono

302) Save me from the bad sci-fi

303) Scarebeast vs. Riddlebot

304) _removed conversation name_

305) 1 v 1 me mate

306) Fight Club: Team Lazarus Edition

307) Law and Order: Team Lazarus edition

308) FUZZ WILL RISE AGAIN

309) It's your local Scarebro and his spooky sales

310) All hail Brown, Keeper of the Lazarus Records

311) All hail Sanna, keeper of the AUs

312) Wayne!Rouges headcanon HQ

313) Do not let the dank city fall

314) DO IIIIIT

315) Crane: They're so goddamn stupid

316) Team Lazarus Is Torn Apart By Overwatch

317) Team Lazarus: a bunch of gleeful homewreckers.

318) Pyro marries Team Lazarus

319) Short people vs tall people: The Codot Wars

320) Question Mark Codpiece. Yep.

321) Yes Glitter

322) NO GLITTER

323) Things heating up in the glitter fandom

324) Pray for Zsasz

325) We are all Tesla

326) *FIGHT HANNAH'S TEACHER*

327) *FIGHT HANNAH'S TEACHER AND CLASSMATES*

328) Law and Order: Team Lazarus Edition episode 2

329) The Fashion Police: Team Lazarus Edition

330) "Emerald colored - he's so pretentious. It's GREEN." - Jonathan about Edward @ some point

331) Jon's crows and various corvids

332) Wanna know how I got these scars?

333) probably got them scars from a drunk dare dude

334) AIN'T NO PARTY LIKE A CODOT PARTY 'CAUSE A CODOT PARTY DON'T STOP

335) codot pls voice morgan freeman in gotham. not as lucius, just morgan freeman.

336) leo vs edward nygma

337) Hello Naughty Children It's Sad Time)

338) Hi Diddle Diddle It's Dr Riddle

339) Codot was here, but he was sent to bed. YOLO.

340) Smol Rids in Space *NYOOM*

341) RAH RAH RAH MASTER OF FEAR)

342) HRAA HRAA HRAA MASTER OF FEAR

343) Au central

344) Don't mention Edward's 500+ issues to him or he'll have a meltdown and likely recluse to a shell of his former self

345) Sanna go to bed

346) Sanna went to bed

347) Sanna went to bed (at last)

348) N E V E R  F O R G E T

349) Waiting For Alfredo to snatch us

350) No One Expects the Boop-quisition

351) PIANO IS MY PARAMOUR

352) Cause he's a primadonna girl, yeah /all he ever wanted was batmans id

353) Happy Birthday Spoopy

354) Doctor Crane and His Horde of Interns

355) Doctor Crane and His Horde of Interns (Also Molly is my #queen support her 2k16)

356) Do Not Send Crane Bee Movie Quotes

357) According to all known laws of aviation...

358) Alex no. You're grounded.

359) there is no way a bee should be able to fly.

360) Go home, Alex.

361) Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.

362) COME ON AND SLAM

363) IF I GO OUT IT'S GOING TO BE BY FEAR TOXIN NOT SOME ORANGE CHEETO MAN

364) okay but have you seen trump's caterpillar

365) Killer croc is awesome

366) PROFESSOR CRANE MY KING (emojis removed)

367) LET RALPH HAVE HIS PEN 2k16

368) Let scarecrow have his classic origin in rebirth 2016

369) Let Jon have a scythe again 2k16

370) Hannah is still Clayface, BEWARE

371) Ban Lindsey 5ever

372) #LetIvySing2k16

373) Harvey Dent: Matchmaker Extraordinaire. :D

374) Our Lord and Saviour Jonathan Crane can handle trashy students. Unfortunately, Thomas Elliot is a SUPER trashy student

375)  Ferret Lord Jonathan Crane 2k16

376) Jon is no longer ferret lord worthy

377) Make Crane love ferrets 2k16

378) Slenderman Only Fears Jonathan Crane

379) Me, banging my cooking pots outside of DC headquarters: LET FEMALE VILLAINS BE VILLAINOUS

380) CONFIRMED

381) Promote the garbage man to garbage boss

382) Everything Changed When the Boop Nation Attacked

383) Blessed by the spoopy presence of detective

384) ProtectIkky2k16

385) rip doctor spooky

386) DON'T HATE ON OTHERS BECAUSE YOU MADE A POOR GUESS

387) RIP HANNAH

388) Trigonometry more like trigoNOmetry

389) Mother Nature can take her frozen tears and throw them into the sun

390) A Rainbow of Bullshit

391) Ames deserves better 2k16

392) Bolton confirmed republican

393) Dollar Store Bane

394) Indy still needs to fight me in the pit

395) Ames V Indy: FIGHT ACROSS CANADA

396) Here I go, here I go, here I go again! Gotham, What's my weakness? Riddles!

397) fuck you

398) The power of puns compels you!

399) i've ascended good and evil fuck you all

400) Lego my fuckin eggo

401) Leo's corner

402) CONFIRMED

403) NOT CONFIRMED

404) C ON F I R M E D

405) DOUBLE C ON F I R M E D

406) DOUBLE C O N F I R M E D

407) FIGHTFIGHT

408) The coin says you're a punk-ass bitch -Harvey Dent, 2016

409) Becky deserves better 2k16

410) Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow

411) Who wants to date this Riddle Cutie?

412) DO YOUR HOMEWORK, TEAM LAZARUS

413) Eddie, you're one clever S.O.B.

414) Codot is the Spanish Inquisition

415) Home work more like n o.

416) FEARBREEZE

417) Gotta go spray the room with my fearbreeze

418) Why is Codot ass deep in medical notes?

419) codoot did the noot noot

420) Leo & Codot Sitting in a Tree…

421) Team Lazarus > Codot

422) eam Lazarus = Codot

423) ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD

424) Leo is pretty cool

425) Hickory Dickory Doc

426) You can't just marry everyone Pyro

427) Jervis is a weeb, Edward is a weeb, hell, we're all weebs

428) “Retreat, retreat! It’s all a part of my cunning plan, really!”

429) #LetEdwardPlayPiano2k16

430) Im gonna name my mimikkyu "Eddie" because they both just want to be loved

431) Professional Chicken Holder

432) _removed conversation name_

433) http://lankybrunettepartdeux.tumblr.com/private/153587955220/tumblr_oh4qhizCiE1u7xkfs

434) (turkey) (turkey) (turkey)

435) #codootdoot

436) Jon didn't do anything wrong

437) Jon did a lot fo things wrong but not all of them

438) Riddler does not get drunk, children. The Riddler just has fun.

439) STUCK IN THE FEAR JEANS FOREVER

440) Fear Jeans

441) STUCK IN THE FEAR JEANS FOREVERZ

442) rankled

443) rankled fear jeans

444) WRITING IDEAS FUCK YEAH

445) They are all here...in the Twilight Zone *doo doo doo doo doo doo doo*

446) RIDDLER'S LABEL PEN RETURNS

447) Clayface is my hero

448) King COdot

449)  King Codot

450)King Codootdoot

451) KINGshame Codoot

452) Tea Time w Hannah

453) Cake Wars

454) This chat title will now change every one minute

455) Hello mtv welcome to my crib *points at sinkhole in ground*

456) HUMPSUIT

457) END OF DAYS: A Telltale Games Series

458) "THANKS DAD" IM SCREAMINF

459) Jonathan Cr-EH-ne

460) TWO F-EH-CE

461) Memeobile, Codotcycle, and 2013 toyota corolla

462) FEED ME

463) what the frick frack paddywhack is this fucking cat

464) YOU'RE UNDER ARREST CUTIE

465) HANNAH'S SISTER CONFIRMS, HANNAH IS CLAYFACE

467) HANNAH IS THE ALPHA TWIN

468) HANNAH IS THE ALPHA TWIN

469) Hannah is Clayface, sister confirms

470) THE DAD MOM

471) s top with monarch i am tIRED

472) ikky licky his dicky

473) ikky licky his sTICKY NOTES JOKES

474) “jack call me jackie nashton”

475) KATIE WON THE HUNGER GAMES

476) SO PROUD OF LEO WINNING THE HUNGER GAMES

477) WAYLON DESERVES TO WIN THE HUNGRY GAMES

478) WAYLON WON THE HUNGER GAMES IN MY HEART

479) The coin says you're a punk ass bitch

480) KILLER COCK

481) hi diddle, cockzilla fucked my riddle

482) hi diddle diddle, cockzilla fucked my riddle

483) Ames and Indy official OTP

484) Codot dies from thirst

485) Indy dies from Programmer Dad Thirst

486) Gotham Thugs: The Musical!

487) This is discrimination against farmers and i have several pages of objections ranging from hatred on hay to blasphemy against my beans

488) Zsasz vs Zsasz Dad

489) Go to bed Sanna

490) Zsasz Vs the 21 other people in this chat pt 2

491) "We talked, we drowned people, we told our life stories!!!" -Emma 2016

492) Batman is judging you

493) Team Lazarus: Fire and friendship

494) CROC WITH PUPPIES

495) #Let DCCharactersHaveNiceThings2KForever

496) Almost 500 tittles

497) C'mon guys, we can make it! :D

498) My hotline isn't bling rn -Zsasz

499) Team Lazarus, blasting off again!

500) FIVE HUNDRED 500NER THAN EXPECTED

501) HAMBURGER MAN CONFIRMED TWO FACE

502) Codot is the oldest twin #Confirmed

503) Crane (singing and prepping a fear toxin injection): Granny got run over by a reindeer…

504) Crane (singing and prepping fear toxin): Granny got run over by a reindeer...

505) Batdad would like to have a word in the Batcave

506) endgame: edward kinkshaming jonathan for slapping his ass

507) CODOR

508) CODOR (Translation: "YOU SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP IN A CAGE WITHOUT A KEY!")

509) 2016: so bad the waynes might as well be murdered again

510) MITHRA MEOW

511) Knock Ivy and Jervis out with Dr. Spoop

512) HAPPY HOLIDAYS Y'ALL

513) AMES QUEEN OF KICKASS OCS

514) Hi my name is ethan darkness dementia raven cobblepot and i have peroxide blonde hair and blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me i look like dick grayson

515) RIP Jonathan Crane was fucking destroyed by Becky Albright

516) Tempting Fate

517) Pray 4 Leo

518) Pray That Leo’s Tablet Clears Customs

519) THE JELLO CUP STRIKES BACK

520) KING CODOT STRIKES AGAIN

521) Codot is a peach

522) time to shove a scythe up hIS ASS

523) Codot is a strange mutant adult child #Confirmed

524) LetRiddlerCry#2k16

525) The Riddler People Vs Codot

526) Codot's Cross-Ocean Speedo

527) We are assholes team lazarus

528) We are (assholes) team lazarus

529) Sarah's explosive flatulence

530) Codot the mediocre skype god

531) Codot the magnificent skype god

532) Riddler's Depressed Combat Bots

533) LetJonathanSayWhoopAss2k17

534) Give us the Red Hood/Rogues Kill Bill Joker hunt

535) Pray circle for Indy

536) SEXY LEXI LUTHOR

537) GOTHAM PRINCESS BRIDE GOTHAM PRINCESS BRIDE

538) Deathstroke the Strokedeath

539) Team Lazarus is breaking down, that's it. Nothing new here.

540) CODOT IS THE NUMBER ONE FOLKS

541) you got 2 leggies get walkin

542) WHERE'S MY MONEY YOU DIRTY BAGUETTE

543) LEO'S GOT A TABLET AGAIN

544) Leo and Ames: Defenders of the Gecko

545) Spoopy Birb

546) GIVE ME JESTER HARLEY OR GIVE ME DEATH

547) "I'll LEAF you to your thoughts."

548) because uncly Clayface is my friend

549) lizards are magic fuck you steve

550) Team Lazarus calls are magic

551) Happy Holidays ya memer

552) england sucks

553) MERRY CHRISTMAS YA FILTHY ANIMALS!!

554) well i just listened and my icy heart is now a furnace

555) Sad oclock is always on the horizon

556) Shine bright like dick graysons 90's suit

557) INDY MADE A PUNNY

558) CODOT RUINS CHRISTMAS 2016

559) CODOT RUINS BOXING DAY

560) FUCK 2016 SIDEWAYS WITH A CROWBAR

561) Death Titties

562) Codot's Pointy Death Titties

563) Indy was a Canadian before it was cool

564) ZSAZS PARLE LE FUCKING FRANÇAIS

565) CANADIAN DEATH MATCH

566)  Is the sun a giant space heater

567) the fresh thane of scotland

568) Indy is a meme

569) FAREWELL 2016

570) Better step up your game the bis are your greatest hurdle

571) We are all sned

572) #LetEddiebe5'1 2k17

573) TOLS VS SMOLS 2K17

574) Dear Sylvester: Please don't kill clayface

575) Oops

576) Is that a challenge?

577) Purple Cauliflower is beautiful and should not be hated on 2k17

578) OSCAR ISAAC AS HARVEY DENT 2k17

579) MARK HAMILL MVP

580) KING DRURY MOTHMAN CONFIRMED

581) LEOOOOOOOOOOOOO

582) Ivy and the horrible baguette

583) Zsasz failed

584) #IBelieveInZsasz

585) Lep

586) EXPOSE ZSASZ 2K17

587) Tis I, the frenchiest fry

588) I will keep this title until Leo returns to symbolize how much I miss his absence

589) Riddler can't grow a beard so he just grows everything else instead

590) "Riddler can't grow a beard so he just grows everything else instead" - Indy, 01/13/2017

591) Operation: Leo Punches All The Riddlers

592) Operation: Leo Punches All The Riddlers, starting with Ames

593) YOOOOOU'RE HERE, THE FRENCHIEST FRY IS NEEEEAR,

594) ROGUES MUSICAL

595) "It's Gotham, reasonably wears spandex" -Hayden Ayala

596) SWEET SMELL OF SUCC

597) There's no 'I' in team but there is an 'I' in pizza

598) #IbelieveinHannah

599) Operation: "Fight Shitty Teachers" is underway

600) My brain is an intricate ecosystem which is on fire

601) DREAM TEAM MEME TEAM- RALPH, HAYDEN, AND AMIR

602) SYLVESTER SURPRISE

603) THERE'S A GUN TO YOUR HEAD AND DEATH IN HIS EYES

604) CLUB PENGUIN

605) Sucant Dehydrogenase more like SUCCant dehydrogenase

606) George Orwell can fight me

607) Mr Freeze studies CRY-ogenics

608) CODOT'S A DORK

609) MONARCH THEATRE

610) The perfume is a lie

611) We're never going to make it to 1,000 names at this rate

612) WE CAN DAMN WELL TRY

613) An epic quest of name-changing begins

614) WE GOTTA

615) Forgive my memeing sins

616) Chat name that's the entirety of the Bee Movie script

617) Chat name that's- NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP

618) the size of riddler size of riddler's mASSIVE EGO

620) his peen's much smaller than his ego

621) Team flirt with almost all mols and their bosses

622) HROO HRAA SECURED

623) LICKY

624) Reasonably Priced Sarcasm

625) Reasonably Priced Sarcasm (Roll back on that attitude)

636) Whomst'd've'lu'yaint'nt'ed'ies's'y'es'nt't're'ing'able'tic'ive'al'nt'ne'm'll'ble'al'ny'less'w'ck'k'ly'py'nd'idy'ety'st'ged'ful'ish'ng'my'ous

637) Explain your misery in terms of how much you hate chem and fuck yous

638) Crazy Quilt is our new mascot sorry jon

639) Ta-dah! Sard broken

640) Team Lazarus goes to McDonald's

641) (งಠ_ಠ)ง

642) YAINT

643) BLOCKED DELETED UNFOLLOWED

644) Hannan

645) Arkham's newest inmate: The Monarch Theater

646) Codot is a teasing bastard

647) THE MEMEWORM STRIKES

648) STOPHENCHMENBULLYING2K17

649) STOPHENCHMENBULLYING2K17 (ALSO STOPSNAKESNAMEDKATIE2K17)

650) TEAM LAZARUS IN A TRENCHCOAT

651) Zsasz is the meme snake

652) #TEAMLAZARUSFIGHTSTHEEDUCATIONALSYSTEM

653) #memesoutfotzsasz

654) In this house we appreciate Codot

655) AMES IS A CUTE, DISCUSS

656) BROWN IS A CUTE, DISCUSS

657) Team Lazarus is filled with cuties: Discuss

658) Eddie and Ozzie: BrOTP For Life

659) Beware the Ides of March.

660) -pation

661) What is human

662) #IBelieveInLeo

663) BUTTS, GEORGIA

664) YAY EMMA

665) fuckin ninja nibs

666) Schemer is Poison Ivy! Spread the word!!!

667) Spoopy Dorito

668) Professor Spoopy Dorito PhD-MD

669) SNES

670) WAYLON MY BOY

671) Time for Jon to be a Major Asshole™

672) We Are All Clayface

673) I want you and your windows xp level memes out of my h OUSE

674) GIVE ME ALL YOUR SNOW

675) All's fair in love and mario kart

676) Happy Ides of March

677) KLARION THE BITCH BOY

678) Do you wanna kink or the fic -Zsasz

679) Katie Unwittingly Interrupts Serious Time in the Chat With Stupid Link

680) Leo needs to go to the SHAME CUBE

681) Ames is a beautiful Canadian princess and I love her

682) Lemme just jot that down in my "Big List Of Manipulative Dick Moves For Jon To Make"

683) Zsasz, please do not fight the Penguin.  For your own safety.

684) Zsasz, please do not fight the Penguin. For your own safety. -Amie, 2017

685) The Great Soprano-Alto War

686) We Do Not, Leo.

687) i aint capullo

688) leo is capullo

689) Leo's art is dank

690) either cannibal or gay -Leo 2k17

691) My what a guy that Baaaaaaane

692) dark katies blog show me the hidden memes

693) uncovers batman's chest, revealing dem nipples behold

694) Tobias Whale can eat from the bag of infinite dicks.

695) AMES IS A CUTE

696) Codot could be lured to his death by Ames

697) Ames, please just visit the poor man!

698) Ames will visit the poor man when she gets the motivation and chance

699) 👀

700) Ames is the dankest meme

701) Ames is banned from 1v1-ing people

702) Edward Nygma is Nerd: discuss

703) Like 'I just mixed meth with crack and a splash of heroin and drank the thing like it was water in a desert'

704) We are drowning in the bred. Lik the bred.

705) I refuse to get verbally frisky with myself

706) I refuse to get verbally frisky with myself -Codot, 2017

707) I Believe in Jonathan Crane

708) And the SAD RP AWARD goes to ... Slyv

709) And the SAD RP AWARD goes to ... Sylvester stallone

710) OUR LORD AND SAVIOR DORITO CRANE

711) Leo gonna roast clayface so hard clayface'll become pottery

712) 19v1 everyone in this chat v ames

713) Zsasz 👏 Did 👏 No 👏 Wrong

714) #StopZsaszBullying2K17 715) #StopZsaszBullying2K17 (katie is innocent)

716) #StopKatieBullying2K17

717) http://lankybrunettepartdeux.tumblr.com/post/158985611430/when-theres-trouble-who-you-gonna-call-not

718) when there's trouble, who you gonna call? not edward because he's probably there anyway

719) President OSWALD 2020

720) leo and codot sITTIN IN A TREE

721) UKK YSE CREATIVITEA

722) I pray at my altar of sluts

723) ames more like aMESS

724) ProtectAmes2k17

725) Leo's Career Pseudonym: Not Greg Capullo

726) You gotta keep up to date on all the hot Team Lazarus memes

727) #TeamCondimentKing

728) #TeamCrazyQuilt

729) #TeamKiteMan

730) #TeamEgghead

731) #TeamKillerMoth

732) #TeamKingCobra

733) #TeamKillerCroc

734) #TeamKingCodot

735) #TeamLazarus

736) E G G

737) PYRO'S PROFESSOR IS CRANE #CONFIRMED

738) ALL CANADIANS ARE VIPERS

739) ALL CANADIANS (except amy ofc what an angel) ARE VIPERS

740) ALL CANADIANS (specially amy ofc) ARE VIPERS

741) Go the fuck to sleep, Brown! - Samuel L. Jackson

742) Think on your sins Lindsey

743) aH FUCMED IP

744) Leo stop looking @ the skype group and go nap gdi

745) HANZO IS TITTY ARCHER MAN

746) AMES NO

747) "Birds have nipples!"

748) oswald: imma suck the ornithonipnops

749) Katie the cyberbully

750) Katie n the Heelies sounds like a great band name

751) Chungus Humongous

752) Draw me like one of your sexy Jim Gordon's

753) Someone cure Katie's thirst for Jim Gordon

754) Judge Leo is now in court

755) Let Leo use a british accent 2k17

756) AMES' EMBARASSING PAST

757) y'all'd've g'dabbed

758) Rip amy killed by leo 2k17

759) I never stop. I MUST NEVER STOP. -Codot 2k17

760) #IkkyProtectionSquad

761) Leo spreads fake informaion like butter 2k17

762) Scaring Ames 2k17

763) why do you son

764) special memes for special ppl

765) Team Lazarus: Obsessed with the Zsaszarus

766) Zsasz is the new young god confirmed

767) *record scratch* so you're probably wondering how i became a cult idol 768) The Riddler Who Can't Solve Riddles

769) M'AIDER Stranded Frisk

770) BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL

771) Ames, please explain WTF Canada is.

772) War of the heights

773) Little oyster

774) Amie has done nothing wrong.

775) #giveamescoffee2k17

776) Wow I can't believe Leo is the fucking pope

777) Wow I can't believe (amy) is the fucking pope

778) Wow can't believe Leo is actually Cthulhu

779) Leo should go to bed instead of eating doritos on a burger :):):)

780) Ames was an scene kid, discuss.

781) Believe in the nipple priest

782) Believe in the Nipple Priests

783) Clayface stop changing this without context or I will rip off your eye

784) Clayface stop changing this without context or I will rip off your eyelids

785) LONG LIVE THE NIPPLE PRIESTS

786) GO BACK TO BE POTTERY, CLAYFACE

787) Que sera sera, binch

788) Ikky is best birb

789) Everybody sue leo

790) I’ll fight you, strawman

791) There is a Strawman waiting in the sky

792) I <3 Amie

793) I LOVE ALPACA

794) I swim with dolphins at my own pace - Alpaca for president 2020

795) ames is a cute, confirmed

796) The things this chat makes me read

797) IM A CTUALLY CALLING THE RCMP

798) Jonathan and Oswald attend furrycon together

799) Jonathan, Oswald, and Selina attend furrycon together

800) hello my name is ebony darkness dementia raven way I have long black f

801) hello my name is ebony darkness dementia raven way I have long black fur and blood red eyes and i n'ya a lot

802) I can't believe Cluemaster is from Ames' town

803) Y'ALL'RE DIRTY SINNERS

804) ZSASZ WE'RE SORRY PLEASE COME BACK

805) Katie hecked up so badly we are gonna see a shitpost of the shitpost

806) KATIE IS PURE AND IS VOID OF LEO'S SIN

807) Leo is my confirmed memer in crime

808) PYGMALION MORE LIKE PYGMALINO

809) ames wants a trudeau body pillow, don't believe her lies

810) cant believe katie encourages leos bad habits smh dead 2 me

811) #GiveCraneAYellowRing2k17

812) Katie 4 president (of my  ❤ if i have one)

813) ames secretly loves the pyg

814) MY QUEEN AMES

815) Are you a chouchou person or a moonmoon person

816) we are Bros or Foes no inbetween

817) Wow I can't believe the dirty baguette is responsible for Jon's Arkham asylum outfit

818) Leo is a snek #confirmed

819) HES A FILTHY FEAR BOY

820)  I prefer my clowns without legs

821) Thou hath me shooketh

822) MIEF

823) A DEN OF MIEFS

824) When u gotta carve that pig bc bae is coming but u feed ur victims to ur pigs???? (Emojies removed bc they fucked with the document)

825) When bae says he didnt poison ur wine 😍😍😍❤❤❤❤👅👅👅👅👅👅✊✊✊✊💦💦💦💦💦

826)Can't believe Katie wants to marry Lucenzo Daddy-tino 😧😧😧

827) Katie just wants to live with Harvey Bullock and his cats, thank u very much

828) LET 👏 DADDY-TINO 👏 LIVE 👏

829) Katie cheated Luncenzo with Bullock and thats why Bullock is dead

830)Can't believe Bullock got decked my Katies THOT 😭😭😭😭

831) Can't believe Katies THOT tried to seduce Jonathan Crane via pork dinner and expensive wine 😭📞🚔🚔🚔🚔

832) i can't believe oswald cobblepot is taller than ames (insert a million emoji's here)

833) i can't believe oswald cobblepot is taller than ames 😭😭😭✊✊✊💦💦💦👅👅👅👀👀👀

834) Famemely of Meifs

835) Memebers of the Mief Famemely

836) EVERYTHING THREATENS TO GO TO SHIT...AGAIN

837) LET EDWARD NYGMA HAVE A THICC BOOTY 2K17

838) RIDDLER HAS NO BUTT

839) ur'e

840) B O I

841) According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign..

842) According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're 👏gonna👏 take👏 him 👏up👏. Really? 👏Feeling..

843) CRASHIN MY SKYPE YA GODLESS HEATHEN

844) According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign..

845) NOOOOOOOO

846) According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign..

847) IM PUTTIN MY FOOT DOWN

848) According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign..

849) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

850) Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. (laughs) Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of - (toilet flush)  Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go after the ogre.                 NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME                                     MAN1Think it's in there?                                      MAN2All right. Let's get it!                                      MAN1Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?                                       MAN3Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread.  Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs.                                      SHREKYes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.                                       MENNo!                                      SHREKThey'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast.                                       MAN1Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! (waves the torch at Shrek.)  Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the men are in the dark.                                       SHREKThis is the part where you run away. (The men scramble to get away. He laughs.) And stay out! (looks down and picks up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and throws the paper over his shoulder.)                                          THE NEXT DAYThere is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures to him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto who's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three little pigs.                                       GUARDAll right. This one's full. Take it away! Move it along. Come on! Get up!                                                                HEAD GUARDNext!                                      GUARD(taking the witch's broom) Give me that! Your flying days are over. (breaks the broom in half)                                       HEAD GUARDThat's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!                                       GUARDGet up! Come on!                                      HEAD GUARDTwenty pieces.                                      LITTLE BEAR(crying) This cage is too small.                                      DONKEYPlease, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance!                                       OLD WOMANOh, shut up. (jerks his rope)                                      DONKEYOh!                                      HEAD GUARDNext! What have you got?                                      GIPETTOThis little wooden puppet.                                      PINOCCHIOI'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. (his nose grows)                                       HEAD GUARDFive shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.                                       PINOCCHIOFather, please! Don't let them do this! Help me!  Gipetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up to the table.                                       HEAD GUARDNext! What have you got?                                      OLD WOMANWell, I've got a talking donkey.                                      HEAD GUARDRight. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.                                       OLD WOMANOh, go ahead, little fella. Donkey just looks up at her.                                      HEAD GUARDWell?                                      OLD WOMANOh, oh, he's just...he's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt...                                       HEAD GUARDThat's it. I've heard enough. Guards!                                                                OLD WOMANNo, no, he talks! He does. (pretends to be Donkey) I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.                                       HEAD GUARDGet her out of my sight.                                      OLD WOMANNo, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan's hands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled with fairy dust and he's able to fly.                                       DONKEYHey! I can fly!                                      PETER PANHe can fly!                                      3 LITTLE PIGSHe can fly!                                      HEAD GUARDHe can talk!                                      DONKEYHa, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! (the pixie dust begins to wear off) Uh-oh. (he begins to sink to the ground.)  He hits the ground with a thud.                                      HEAD GUARDSeize him! (Donkey takes of running.) After him!                                       GUARDSHe's getting away! Get him! This way! Turn!  Donkey keeps running and he eventually runs into Shrek. Literally. Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him. Donkey looks scared for a moment then he spots the guards coming up the path. He quickly hides behind Shrek.                                       HEAD GUARDYou there. Ogre!                                      SHREKAye?                                      HEAD GUARDBy the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated resettlement facility.                                                                SHREKOh, really? You and what army? He looks behind the guard and the guard turns to look as well and we see that the other men have run off. The guard tucks tail and runs off. Shrek laughs and goes back about his business and begins walking back to his cottage.                                       DONKEYCan I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible!                                       SHREKAre you talkin' to...(he turns around and Donkey is gone) me? (he turns back around and Donkey is right in front of him.) Whoa!                                       DONKEYYes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that.                                       SHREKOh, that's great. Really.                                      DONKEYMan, it's good to be free.                                      SHREKNow, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm?                                                                DONKEYBut, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us.  Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before roaring very loudly..

851) SCREAMS OUT OF FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN

852) Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. (laughs) Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of - (toilet flush)  Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go after the ogre.                 NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME                                     MAN1Think it's in there?                                      MAN2All right. Let's get it!                                      MAN1Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?                                       MAN3Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread.  Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs.                                      SHREKYes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.                                       MENNo!                                      SHREKThey'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast.                                       MAN1Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! (waves the torch at Shrek.)  Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the men are in the dark.                                       SHREKThis is the part where you run away. (The men scramble to get away. He laughs.) And stay out! (looks down and picks up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and throws the paper over his shoulder.)                                          THE NEXT DAYThere is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures to him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto who's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three little pigs.                                       GUARDAll right. This one's full. Take it away! Move it along. Come on! Get up!                                                                HEAD GUARDNext!                                      GUARD(taking the witch's broom) Give me that! Your flying days are over. (breaks the broom in half)                                       HEAD GUARDThat's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!                                       GUARDGet up! Come on!                                      HEAD GUARDTwenty pieces.                                      LITTLE BEAR(crying) This cage is too small.                                      DONKEYPlease, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance!                                       OLD WOMANOh, shut up. (jerks his rope)                                      DONKEYOh!                                      HEAD GUARDNext! What have you got?                                      GIPETTOThis little wooden puppet.                                      PINOCCHIOI'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. (his nose grows)                                       HEAD GUARDFive shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.                                       PINOCCHIOFather, please! Don't let them do this! Help me!  Gipetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up to the table.                                       HEAD GUARDNext! What have you got?                                      OLD WOMANWell, I've got a talking donkey.                                      HEAD GUARDRight. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.                                       OLD WOMANOh, go ahead, little fella. Donkey just looks up at her.                                      HEAD GUARDWell?                                      OLD WOMANOh, oh, he's just...he's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt...                                       HEAD GUARDThat's it. I've heard enough. Guards!                                                                OLD WOMANNo, no, he talks! He does. (pretends to be Donkey) I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.                                       HEAD GUARDGet her out of my sight.                                      OLD WOMANNo, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan's hands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled with fairy dust and he's able to fly.                                       DONKEYHey! I can fly!                                      PETER PANHe can fly!                                      3 LITTLE PIGSHe can fly!                                      HEAD GUARDHe can talk!                                      DONKEYHa, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! (the pixie dust begins to wear off) Uh-oh. (he begins to sink to the ground.)  He hits the ground with a thud.                                      HEAD GUARDSeize him! (Donkey takes of running.) After him!                                       GUARDSHe's getting away! Get him! This way! Turn!  Donkey keeps running and he eventually runs into Shrek. Literally. Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him. Donkey looks scared for a moment then he spots the guards coming up the path. He quickly hides behind Shrek.                                       HEAD GUARDYou there. Ogre!                                      SHREKAye?                                      HEAD GUARDBy the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated resettlement facility.                                                                SHREKOh, really? You and what army? He looks behind the guard and the guard turns to look as well and we see that the other men have run off. The guard tucks tail and runs off. Shrek laughs and goes back about his business and begins walking back to his cottage.                                       DONKEYCan I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible!                                       SHREKAre you talkin' to...(he turns around and Donkey is gone) me? (he turns back around and Donkey is right in front of him.) Whoa!                                       DONKEYYes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that.                                       SHREKOh, that's great. Really.                                      DONKEYMan, it's good to be free.                                      SHREKNow, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm?                                                                DONKEYBut, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us.  Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before roaring very loudly.." ***

853) jESUS CHRIST ON A CROSS

854) Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. (laughs) Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of - (toilet flush)  Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go after the ogre.                 NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME                                     MAN1Think it's in there?                                      MAN2All right. Let's get it!                                      MAN1Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?                                       MAN3Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread.  Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs.                                      SHREKYes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.                                       MENNo!                                      SHREKThey'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast.                                       MAN1Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! (waves the torch at Shrek.)  Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the men are in the dark.                                       SHREKThis is the part where you run away. (The men scramble to get away. He laughs.) And stay out! (looks down and picks up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and throws the paper over his shoulder.)                                          THE NEXT DAYThere is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures to him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto who's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three little pigs.                                       GUARDAll right. This one's full. Take it away! Move it along. Come on! Get up!                                                                HEAD GUARDNext!                                      GUARD(taking the witch's broom) Give me that! Your flying days are over. (breaks the broom in half)                                       HEAD GUARDThat's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!                                       GUARDGet up! Come on!                                      HEAD GUARDTwenty pieces.                                      LITTLE BEAR(crying) This cage is too small.                                      DONKEYPlease, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance!                                       OLD WOMANOh, shut up. (jerks his rope)                                      DONKEYOh!                                      HEAD GUARDNext! What have you got?                                      GIPETTOThis little wooden puppet.                                      PINOCCHIOI'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. (his nose grows)                                       HEAD GUARDFive shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.                                       PINOCCHIOFather, please! Don't let them do this! Help me!  Gipetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up to the table.                                       HEAD GUARDNext! What have you got?                                      OLD WOMANWell, I've got a talking donkey.                                      HEAD GUARDRight. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.                                       OLD WOMANOh, go ahead, little fella. Donkey just looks up at her.                                      HEAD GUARDWell?                                      OLD WOMANOh, oh, he's just...he's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt...                                       HEAD GUARDThat's it. I've heard enough. Guards!                                                                OLD WOMANNo, no, he talks! He does. (pretends to be Donkey) I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.                                       HEAD GUARDGet her out of my sight.                                      OLD WOMANNo, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan's hands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled with fairy dust and he's able to fly.                                       DONKEYHey! I can fly!                                      PETER PANHe can fly!                                      3 LITTLE PIGSHe can fly!                                      HEAD GUARDHe can talk!                                      DONKEYHa, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! (the pixie dust begins to wear off) Uh-oh. (he begins to sink to the ground.)  He hits the ground with a thud.                                      HEAD GUARDSeize him! (Donkey takes of running.) After him!                                       GUARDSHe's getting away! Get him! This way! Turn!  Donkey keeps running and he eventually runs into Shrek. Literally. Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him. Donkey looks scared for a moment then he spots the guards coming up the path. He quickly hides behind Shrek.                                       HEAD GUARDYou there. Ogre!                                      SHREKAye?                                      HEAD GUARDBy the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated resettlement facility.                                                                SHREKOh, really? You and what army? He looks behind the guard and the guard turns to look as well and we see that the other men have run off. The guard tucks tail and runs off. Shrek laughs and goes back about his business and begins walking back to his cottage.                                       DONKEYCan I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible!                                       SHREKAre you talkin' to...(he turns around and Donkey is gone) me? (he turns back around and Donkey is right in front of him.) Whoa!                                       DONKEYYes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that.                                       SHREKOh, that's great. Really.                                      DONKEYMan, it's good to be free.                                      SHREKNow, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm?                                                                DONKEYBut, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us.  Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before roaring very loudly..

855) CHAOS IS THE NATURAL STATE OF THE UNIVERSE

856) hannah is ruining amys meme

857) AMES I RUINING BROWN'S GOOGLE DOC

858) Ames how the fuck did I miss that script mess how dare you not keep it

859) my professor is jonathan crane aND I ASKED HIM TO TEACH PSYCHOLOGY NEXT WEEK I HOPE I DIDN'T MAKE A MISTAKE -pyro sea

860) "It's like a cape, but for my legs!" -Hannah, talking about her skirt

861) "You can't just quote me on everything!" -Lexi, 2017

862) 2472

863) canya pawnya yer anya

864) ames is a babe, confirmed

865) Schemer confirmed Two-Face

866) Disco Crane will haunt your dreams

867) Some Katies just want to watch the world burn

868) Schemer is a pure bean

869) Rip Jervi Colony 2k17

870) Dark Leo show us the forbidden pimp oswald

871) COTTON EYE JONNO

872) sameo leo - Ames, definitely

873) S K I N R I M

874) Team Lazarus; The Support group that came out of nowhere

875) Team Lazarus; Support Group

876) Lame Senior Pranks

877) why are cats meow so small

878) GET RIGGETY RIGGETY REKT, SPOOP LORD

879) Team Lazarus, Home of the Mysterious Cryptidrew

880) Green Man Yells at Drop Bears

881) #freethetiddy

882) YELLOW LANTERN DISCO CRANE

883) HE SQUEAK

884) MOTHERFUCKING DUCKLINGS

885) One Gay Family

886) We Are All Shook

887) Everyones moving to Earth 24 to join the JLC sorry

888) LET ME ADOPT UR CATS BROWN OR @ LEAST TELL EM I LOVE EM

889) SEVEN NATION AMY

890) SPLOOTING

891) WHERE'S OS-WALDO

892) Avacado Bears

893) Avacado Bears or Thunder Whales

894) o canada, our home and native land, true patriot love, w fear gas in our hand

895) "It's tiptoe time bicth"

886) "Feels good feels organic"

887) Ralph The Hero We Need But Don't Deserve

888) Team Lazarus Team Mom

889) Ames, this is an intervention

890) When your alter ego calls you daddy 🤔🤔🤔🤔👅?👅?👀👀👀👀👊👊👊💦💦💦¿¿¿¿

891) KNOCK KNOC FUCKERS EGGHEAD IS HERE

892) PROTECT RIDDLER AT ALL COST

893) Episode 3 of Season 9 - Zsasz Accidentally Joins A Cult

894) sppok

895) FUCK FATHER

896) Team Dank Meh-mehs

897) Frying Pan Padre

898) frying pan pa

899) frying pan pad

900) frying pan padre

901) Running Start

902) Media Murderer

903) Nut of the Tree

904) Time to Kinkshame Canada

905) Team Lazarus Contemplate Dating

906) Eleka Nahmen Nahmen Ah Tum Ah Tum Eleka Nahmen

907) ILLUMINABEE CONFIRMED

908) dream daddy has ruined my life.

909) sure thing Brown

910) EGG BABE

911) Dorkham Asylum

912) Just Gods, being Bros

913) take a goddamn bath, Sylvester

914) no

915) the gang

916) "On April 19th, I made bread."

917) Leeroy Jyingkins

918) bllaahhhh

919) #ProtectFemaleCharactersInDraculaAndItsAdaptations2K17

920) And then we see Lindsey screaming because this is so fucking awesome

921) What the heckle deckle did you just diddly done say about me, you little nerd? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Meme Team, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on The Captor, and I have over 3 confirmed riddle solves. I am trained in online research and I’m the top blogger in the entire codot army. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you clean out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my diddly words. You think you can get away with saying that lie to me over the Internet? Think again, meanie. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across Team Lazarus and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your riddleS. You’re dead, Hush. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can out meme you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in internrt combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of Google and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable hints off the face of the continent, you little twerp.  If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” kidnapping was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your undank memes.. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you snake.  I will rain puns all over you and you will drown in it. You’re dead, you viper.

922) Y'ALL'RE KILLIN' MY POOR PHONE

923) Are we at tittle 1000 yet?

924) Plz watch young pope so i can talk abt it

925) *OFFENDED BAND KID NOISES*

926) *OFFENDED BAND KID NOISES AND CLARINET SQUEAKING*

927) *OFFENDED BAND KID NOISES AND CLARINET SQUEAKING AND SPIT VALVE GURGLING*

928) 'My room smells like fresh linens and Jesus' - My sister, 2k17

929)The question for some fucking Tim Hortons

930) The quest for some fucking Tim Hortons

931) Send a healer to Ames b4 she dies

932) Education Conversion Class

933) Shhhh he's sleeping

934) "Murder probably"

935) orf chumps

936) orc chumps

937) Protect the Orcs, their doing their best

938) Protect the Orc chumps, their doing their best

939) Protect the Orc chumps, they're doing their best

940) Team Lazarus; The Fellowship of the Riddle

941) awkward potato club

942) WORSHIP HIM FOOLS

943) Puzzle Me Like One of You French Boys

944) Puzzle Me Like One of Your French Boys

945) Make Amy the Wine Aunt 2k17

946) The Homeowners Guide to Homicide by Zsasz

947) Fre Sha Vaca Drew

948)  all i want is pizza and tea

949) diggy dig

950) rip NON's teeth

951) IT's thE FINAL COUNTDOWNNN

952) Spooky Scary Kaitons

953) Aardvark v Anteater: Battle of the Cute

954) Compromise: Red Panda

955) WOOHOO YEAH EMMA LOOK AT THIS TALENTED BEAN

956) What the fuck are vampire laws?

957) AMES IS A CRYPTID BORN IN A FIELD

958) SHIA SURPRISE

959) TODAY NON WAS BORN

960) Everyone check put Emma's art!

961) Everyone check out Emma's art!

962) We all Love Ames

963) It's The Scarecrow, not The Grim Dino Bunny!!!

964) Let Jon be what he wnats 2k17

965) Jonathan can do better than reaping bunny dinosaur! 2k17

966) If Jonathan wants to be a reaping bunny dinosaur he can

967) Jonathan can't be both the God of Fear and a Reaping Bunny Raptor!

968) LET HIM DREAM

969) THIS AIN'T A DREAM!!!

970) Remember! Reality's an illusion, the universe is a hologram, buy gold!

971) Let's make it 9 closer, shall we!

972) 👀👀👀👀

973) Teacher Ames

974) Hello darkness my old friend

975) 🙏🏼🙏🏼 Bless this mess 🙏🏼🙏🏼

976) Friskuella 4 lyfe

977) Young just ass

978) time for tea

979) Happy Spooptober!

980) Codot is back at it again 👀👀

981) It's October and shit's bout to go down, but I want to scream about DuckTales

982) Update: Ames is as cute as ever! 👌

983) Ames expands her meme kingdom

984) Ames the hallowmeme queen

985) Meme Queen Amemes

986) Jon and Sylv #goals 😍

987) T^T Emma fails Jervis - 10/6

988) Canada is a cult #confirmed

989) Nasty Boys™

990) Celery

991) World War Tea

992) Farmer Ames vs. Poison Ivy

993) Canada is already clean

994) Frisk, liberate us from the assignments

995) I snort the gas so I can pass

996) Brown breaks down over a deleted art folder but by magic gets it back

997) #GiveScarecrowHugs2k17

998) PLEASE SAVE AMY

999) How close are we, Sassy??

1000) Operation recover pom pom

1001) TEAM LAZARUS 1001 NAMES

#CONGRATS YOU GUYS #PROUD OF YOU

[shakespearedidnothavecumsh0ts]

Time is On My Side

Collab between my lovely mom @lilshitwayne and I. It's still day one so we're not late.

Malia rolled on the bed. Blood singing in her ears.  She had fought for her life the night before.  Again. Sank her claws on Desert Wolf's stomach - her mom - and saw the power and life vanish from her eyes. And then blackness.... 

Then there was light? And children giggling. Malia let out a groan and pulled herself from the large bed. She had a huge headache. What the hell did that bitch do to her?

She splashed some water on her face in the bathroom and let out a small gasp at her reflection. Her hair was no longer in its bob but instead in long curls and she had a wedding ring with a huge diamond. What the hell did that bitch do to her?

"Scott!? Stiles?! Lydia...?" Malia rushed back to her room. She heard noise downstairs and grabbed the first pointy object she could find. A... walk talkie?

She tiptoed to the stairs, flashbacks from the previous night flashing before her eyes.

Then arms grabbed her and she tried to fight only to hear a familiar voice.

"Easy girl..."                        

"Theo?!" Malia gasped shoving him off.

"Don't yell" he grinned,  giving her a peck "You'll wake up Ellie and I just got her down. You overslept, but I figured you earned it..."

"What the fuck?!" Malia spoke in a hushed yell. Not exactly sure why she was complying with his wishes.

"What exactly were you planning to do with the baby monitor?" Theo chuckled,  pulling her downstairs.  Sitting at the kitchen table were two toddlers,  swinging legs and blabbing.                        

"Baby monitor?" Malia gaped staring at the toddlers. She had no idea what was going on.                        

"Uhm yeah?" Theo mumbled, walking past her "Leo stop poking your sister"                        

"What the hell is going on here?" Malia growled lowly.                        

"Mommy!  You growled! " the little boy - Leo - whined "Daddy told us not to growl!"                        

"Mommy? Daddy?" Malia gaped looking between Theo and- Leo?                        

"Mommy? Are you okay?" The little girl asked, looking up from her pancakes.  Malia frowned, taking a step back. Her back hit the fridge.

"Uhm.... I'm fine- sweetie?" Malia shrugged, not knowing the little girl's name.

Theo let out a sigh "kids, you know how grumpy mommy gets in the mornings.  Let her be" he kissed her cheek and walked past her "Come eat Malia, I made bacon"

"Wait," Malia said pulling Theo aside. "What kind of game are you playing?" she asked eyeing his wedding band.

"Game? What the hell Lia?" He scoffed "and keep your voice low, the kids have super hearing remember? "

"Whose kids?" she whispered.

"Ours?" Theo scoffed, offended "Malia, what's wrong? You're scaring us!"

"Why would I have kids with you after all the shit you've done to me?" Malia scoffed, crossing her arms. "How could I anyway we haven't even- look, I have no idea what's going on right now."

"Alright. It's been years. Decades even.  I don't know why you're trying to pick a fight at 10 AM-"

"Because I don't know what I'm doing here!" Malia snapped before running a hand through her hair. "Last I remember, my mother was attacking me and now I'm here."

"Alright...." he looked skeptical,  but also concerned "kids,  finish your breakfast. I'll go talk to mommy..."

Theo pulled her to the living room.

"Mind filling me in?" Malia scoffed.

"We... you really don't remember? " Theo asked softly "When your mom died and the whole beast thing went down, I redeemed myself helping Scott find the doctor's lair and... then I left town"

"Okay.... Go on. How did we get- married," Malia scoffed, glaring at the wedding picture.

"Uhm- we met again in college. You were doing education,  I was doing law... there was no one else from Beacon Hills, no other wolf and I guess we just bonded?  We became friends and then more and then I proposed when we finished college and you were teaching at the local gym" "That sounds- oddly normal... I- are those our kids? Like really?" Malia asked with a sigh.

"Yeah" Theo smiled "We had Amber first, she's seven.  Then Leo, he's five and about to turn six. And Izzy last, she's one" he pointed upstairs "They're all coyotes,  except for Izzy"

"That's.... Wow," Malia breathed out. She never saw herself as the maternal type and really- how could she? She lost the only mother she'd ever known at nine and her biological mother hated her for being born, she didn't have much examples. "Am I a good mother?" she asked, curious

"You're a great mom. We both struggled at first, Amber was a surprise. But a nice surprise" Theo smiled "Are you okay, Tate?"

"I don't know... I just... I don't remember anything. I just blacked out and then woke up here."

"We call Deaton then- Dammit" Theo sighed,  looking at the ceiling "Izzy is awake"

"Is she? What's she like?"

Malia was admittedly more curious about her children now more than anything.

"Come with me" Theo pulled her up and guided her upstairs. He carefully opened the door of a nursery and picked up a crying baby.

"She- she has my eyes," Malia smiled, trying to hide how choked up she was.

"She does" Theo smiled bouncing her "I just changed you Iz, why are you crying now?" He cooed.

"Maybe she's hungry?" Malia suggested."She shouldn't be for another hour" Theo frowned, turning to look at Malia. The baby whined and threw her hands to her mother's direction,  wanting to be picked up.

"Why's she stretching her hands out like that?" Malia asked with a raised brow.

"Pick her up" Theo chuckled "she wants her mommy..."

"I've never held a baby in my life," Malia gaped. "What if I drop her?" she asked, horrified.

"Malia- of course you have.  Its your daughter"

"I don't know..." she sighed, nervously.

"Sit down" Theo sighed. Malia sat down and looked up,  anxiously.

Gently, Theo put the baby on her arms                        

"She's so beautiful," Malia smiled as she sat in the rocking chair with Izzy.

"I'll be downstairs with the kids" Theo smiled "and call Deaton"

"Wait...Maybe don't call him just yet." Malia smiled.

#maleoweek #maleo #malia tate #theo raeken

[fantastic-fandom-imagines]

Mistakes

Fandom: Hamilton

Character: Phillip Hamilton

Warnings: Character death, angst, family problems, violence

Summary: You and Eliza plan on visiting Phillip for the first time in a while... while in the market, an armed robbery puts a stop to your plans.

Word Count: 2360

“Y/N, how do you feel about going to visit him today? I’m sure the flowers could use replacing… and it’d probably do us some good to get out of the house some.”

           You glanced up from your book and were met with the concerned eyes of Eliza, Phillip’s mother. You sighed, but otherwise put on a soft smile. You really didn’t want to go, honestly. Then again, you would absolutely have to, no matter what. You couldn’t say no to the woman; she wouldn’t accept it. But at the same time, you knew that she was right. It had been forever since you’d visited, though you were sure you had good reason for not showing up. You just couldn’t bring yourself to. It hurt to see it – his grave, that is. It brought up too many memories, both good and bad.

           “Eliza, I’m in the middle of a book!” You whined, holding the book in the air for her to see. Eliza, however, wasn’t going to be taking any excuses.

           “And I want to visit my son, Y/N. But we both know that I wouldn’t be able to go alone… and Alexander…” she glanced out your bedroom door and down the hall, where she could see his office door. It was closed – and locked – like usual. He rarely left his office, except for when dinner was ready or for church or something along the lines of that.

           It broke your heart, honestly, knowing how distant Alexander had been since his son’s death. You had – obviously – been taking things fairly hard after the loss of your husband, but you knew that Eliza had it worse. Alexander’s distance from the rest of his family had cause a small rift in their marriage. Eliza hadn’t just lost her son; she had practically lost her husband, too. Because of this, you and Eliza had soon found comfort in each other, and very soon after Phillip’s funeral, she asked you to move in with them. At first you had refused; you didn’t want to impose. But then you began visiting each other every day, and you slowly realized that it would be much better for you to be with Phillip’s family than to be alone. To this day, you’re still happy that you had made that decision.

           “Please, Y/N, I’d like to see the grave.”

           You bit your lip and then sighed in defeat. “Y-Yeah, Eliza. Let’s go.”

           About a half hour later, you and Eliza were at the market to pick up flowers for Phillip’s grave. Unfortunately, you had decided to go to the flower shop closest to the gravesite, which happened to be in a sketchy side of town. You and Eliza had just finished paying for the flowers when you suddenly heard a scream from outside. Quickly, the two of you raced outside to figure out what was going on.

           Mistake number one.

           Once the two of you had poked your heads out the door, you were both shoved back inside, as a rather large man burst through the door, a gun in one hand and struggling woman in his grip. She screamed and kicked and flailed, but to no avail. Her captor was much too strong. Your heart began to race, but your first instinct was to get Eliza to safety. Praying that the man hadn’t seen her yet, you grabbed her and ran to the other side of the store. You managed to dodge behind other bookshelves and found a place where she would be perfectly hidden. She tried whispering something to you, but you shushed her quickly. Then, before the man could notice you were gone, you hurried back up front with the rest of the customers and the owners.

           Mistake number two.

           When you made it back, you heard the man yelling at everyone to get down to the ground. You all lowered yourselves, your hands up in the air to show that none of you had weapons. The man threw the woman he had with him to the ground, and you immediately rushed to her side. The moment you were able to see her face, you were shocked as to who it was. Theodosia, Aaron Burr’s daughter and your husband’s best friend. Well, when he was alive, that is.

           “Are you alright?” You asked her quietly, gently helping her up into a sitting position. The woman’s bright green eyes were wide, swirling with fear. She quickly shushed you and warned you to stay away from her.

           “He’ll get angry,” she said quietly, “Act like you don’t know me, Y/N. Please.”

           “Where is the money?” The man demanded, suddenly stepping in front of the small shop’s owner.

The woman shivered in fear. “We- we don’t have much. Please, sir, I have children… it’s the only thing we have-“

The man cocked his gun and aimed it at the store owner. “Let me rephrase this, bitch. I don’t care if your fucking family goes hungry. Where. Is. The. Money.”

“It- It’s over there, just- just under the counter. Pl-please, don’t shoot me. Please.”

Satisfied with the clerk’s answer, the man circled the counter and found the stash of money from before. As he thumbed through the money and counted it, you used the chance to talk to Theodosia. Unbeknown to you, Eliza had also taken note of her chance and managed to slip out of the shop, effectively escaping to safety.

“Theo, who is that? How do you know him?”

Theodosia nodded and bit her lip in worry. “He’s my… well, he’s my fiancé. But Y/N, I don’t know what’s happened to him. He’s never acted this way… he told me we were going to the market, and he was fine. Then I was talking to the carriage driver and he just… he pulled me out of the wagon and he was so rough and so angry. I don’t…”

The man suddenly growled looked back toward his hostages. “There isn’t as much here as I think there should be. Where is it, bitch?” He aimed the gun at the woman once more.

“There is no more,” she cried, “that’s all we have! I swear!”

Theodosia bit her nail as she anxiously watched the scene unfold. She glanced between the two customers there, and then toward the isle you had hidden Eliza in. Then, she broke. “Matthew, please, they’ve done nothing wrong. Please, stop this.” She begged.

The man – Matthew – circled the counter once more and glared at Theodosia. “Who the hell do you think you are, telling me what to do?” He screamed. Theo visibly flinched at the man’s tone. “You think you’re in charge, bitch?”

You were taken back by the way Matthew was speaking to Theodosia, his “fiancé”. Wasn’t he supposed to love her? What was going on, here? You glared at the man and, suddenly feeling a burst of bravery, you decided to defend your friend.

“Leave her alone! She didn’t try to order you around, she was trying to ask you something politely.”

“And who the hell are you?” He inquired, his gun suddenly turning on you. “Why are you so close to my wife? Get away from her.” You didn’t move, and instead placed your arm around Theodosia protectively.  “I said get away from her, dammit!”

“You’re screaming at my friend for absolutely nothing,” you challenged, “I’m not going to move.”

He growled and began to walk toward you, but he was stopped in his tracks by the sound of screaming outside the door.

“Come out with your hands up,” a man yelled, “We can talk things out, but we currently have the building surrounded.”

Without warning, the man grabbed you with one arm. You let out a scream of fear and immediately began to struggle to free yourself. That is, until you felt the cold metal of a gun touching your temple. Almost immediately, you froze. The intruder then led you through the door. His grip on you tightened as soon as he caught sight of multiple armed members of the militia. Not far behind them stood Eliza. The woman’s face paled as soon as she saw you in the man’s arms.

“Y/N!”

“Put the guns down, gentlemen,” the man ordered, his head gesturing to the gun pointed at your temple. “I don’t think we want to make this situation… messy.”

The militia glanced toward each other and unanimously lowered their guns, but not by much. “Let the girl go,” one man, likely the leader, ordered. “She’s no part of this.”

Another man stepped forward. “What do you want?”

Matthew paused for a moment. “One grand.” He decided. Then, he shoved the gun closer to your hear. You gulped in fear, your mind racing as you tried finding an escape route. “One grand, or this meddlesome bit-”

You abruptly interrupted the man and leapt forward. Catching him off guard, you elbowed him in his gut and managed to free yourself. Before the man could reach out and pull you back, you ran toward the safety of the militia.

Mistake number three.

You hadn’t thought it through. You were halfway to the militia when you heard Eliza’s screams. Just as you turned back to see what was happening, you heard the unmistakable sound of a gunshot. You stopped running, your eyes wide in shock. Your body felt numb, and time seemed to slow dramatically. You heard more gunshots, and then the ‘thump’ of a body hitting the ground behind you. Your mouth felt unbearably dry. You glanced up toward Eliza, who was bolting toward you, shoving militia members out of the way. Her mouth was wide in a silent scream, eyes almost as wide as yours. Slowly, you glanced down to your abdomen to see red covering your lavender colored dress.            “What?” You whispered in shock.

Just before Eliza reached you, you began to feel pain exploding in your abdomen. You cradled your stomach as you fell to the ground, crying out in agony. Tears formed in the corner of you E/C eyes. You… had you been shot? Had you actually been shot?

Eliza dropped to her knees by your side. She grabbed your wrist, and began yelling for a doctor. She was shaking – nearly as bad as you were. She ripped the hem of her dress and pressed it onto your stomach in an attempt to help stop the bleeding, but she somehow knew that it wouldn’t work.

You were crying now. Tears fell down your paling cheeks and mixed with blood and the dirt road below you.

“Is… is that my blood?” You whispered. “Am I… oh, God, Eliza, am I going to die?”

“No,” Eliza placed her hand on your cheek and used her thumb to wipe your tears, “you’re going to be just fine, you hear me? Y/N, everything is going to be okay.”

You choked back a sob and groaned as a new wave of pain burst throughout your body from the gunshot wound. Your chest rose and fell with much difficulty. “I- I can’t breathe, Eliza, I can’t breathe.” You cried. “It hurts.” Eliza shushed you, and told you to save your strength.

In that moment, you could practically see it all. You saw yourself lying on the ground, broken and bleeding. Sobbing, shaking. You saw Eliza as she struggled to comfort you, though she desperately needed comfort herself. You even saw one of the militia who had bolted from the scene to find a doctor, but you knew they wouldn’t get there in time. In that moment, you knew – you just knew that you were going to die.

Just like him.

Just like Phillip.

The pain was so intense that your body was going between being numb and being on fire. Your mind drifted to your late husband. How ironic, you realized, that you were destined to die in a way so similar to your husband. You were on your way to see him. You were so close to his grave. To him. In a twisted way, you were still going to visit him. Permanently, it seemed.

Was this what he felt?

“Y/N, keep your eyes open. Please. Help is on the way, just hang on.”

“Eliza, I’m… I…” You could hardly bring yourself to speak at this point. You were so tired. You felt as though you hadn’t slept a day in your life. Your eyes slowly began to close, and you struggled to keep them open. “Phillip.” You gasped, seeing his familiar figure standing behind his mother.

He was dead. Phillip Hamilton was dead, but he wasn’t. He was right there, standing in front of you, giving you a heartbreaking smile.

“Y/N… You’re…Damn it, I told you to take your time.”

You tried apologizing, but barely had the strength to. Phillip shook his head, gently shushing you. He knelt down on your other side, one hand burying itself in your hair, and the other one holding onto your hands tightly. You hissed in pain as Eliza ripped another piece of fabric from the hem of her dress to cover the wound on your dress. She threw the bloody one behind her. Your body suddenly felt much heavier than before, and you began to gasp for air.

“Y/N! No, honey, it’ll be alright. Come on, count with me? One, two, three…” Eliza’s voice grew distant, and you focused your eyes on Phillip.

“It’s almost over, love,” he whispered, gently rubbing his thumb over your knuckles. You visibly relaxed at his touch. When Eliza noticed, she began muttering to herself in a panic and begging you to stay with her. “Just close your eyes, darling. We’ll be together again, and this agony will be over, I promised. Nothing will hurt you again.”

Finally, your eyes began closing almost of their own will. Your chest became still, unmoving. Your head rolled gently to the side, into Eliza’s hand.

“No, no, no. Y/N, please. God, don’t… don’t take her…”

Eliza brought two fingers to your neck and then froze as terror ripped through her. You were gone.

Eliza screamed, feeling as though she had been the one that had been shot.

She had lost another child.

#Hamilton #Phillip #Phillip Hamilton #Anthony Ramos #Eliza Schyler #Eliza #Alexander #Imagines #Angst #No fluff whatsoever #pain #suffering #im sad now but fuck it #mistakes #reader insert #x reader #phillip x reader #hamilton x reader #phillilp hamilton x reader #guns #ouch

[dkarchives-blog]

Jacklynn’s Fight | Theolynn

Theo rolled his eyes, not really caring. "I don't care what she says, she's the one that can't handle rejection. I'm with my girlfriend, someone will point out that I'm not doing anything wrong at some point." He said with a small shrug but it was too late, before he knew it, Jacklynn was out of his grasp and walking past him. "Dammit." Knowing the temper that Jacklynn had and how much of a both the other girl was being, he could only imagine how this would go. "Jack..." He called out after her, hoping that he could get to her somehow.

"Hey!" Jacklynn yelled to get the girls attention, stopping right before her. "Do you have a goddamn problem? Because ever since I got back to my /boyfriend/, all I've heard is some bitter bitch running her mouth about being rejected." Jacklynn spat, looking the girl up and down. The girl seemed bewildered, but clearly, being around her friends was a boost to her ego. "Oh, get the hell away from me." She replied bitterly. Jacklynn opened her mouth to reply, never being one to back down but she didn't even have the chance to do so before the girl had thrown her drink at Jacklynn. Now she was just asking for it. And clearly, she didn't know who she was messing with. And not a second passed that Jacklynn was now wearing the girls drink before she lunged at her. Jacklynn's reflexes had always been quick in situations like these, as soon as she saw the girl raising her arm Jacklynn knew it was over. Now, Jacklynn wasn't one of those girls who just grabbed onto the others hair and pulled. That got her nowhere. Jacklynn hit. Hard. The girl didn't stand a chance, really, not in comparison to just how experienced Jacklynn was. And as far as she was concerned, the girl deserved it. Which meant Jacklynn had no problem hitting the girl anywhere she could, knowing it would only be a matter of seconds before someone could pull her away.

Theo was trying to catch up when Jacklynn and the girl began yelling at each other, which meant that a small circle formed around them and it was easier for Theo to get  there. He stood behind Jacklynn, trying I figure out how he could pull her away but before he could do anything else, the girl threw her drink at Jacklynn. And he knew there was no going back from that. "Fuck." As soon as he saw that the girl tried to keep up with Jacklynn but failed to do so and because he knew how his girlfriend got when she was like this, he took off towards them and wrapped his arms around Jacklynn as tightly as he could, pulling her away from the girl. "Jacklynn! Stop! That's enough!" He yelled over all the noise as he tried his hardest to keep her away. "Stop! We're leaving. Let's get out of here."

"Get the fu--" Jacklynn's first initial instinct was to resist whoever the hell grabbed onto her to pull her away, but she slowed down a little once she realized it was Theo. She squirmed a little in his hold to try and get back at her, but stopped once he saw she had left the girl with a bloody nose as well as a black eye. In addition to several other injuries, of course. "I don't play that shit, bitch." Jacklynn spat at the girl as final parting words before Theo pulled her out of the circle and eventually, out of the venue. Jacklynn huffed, pushing her dark hair from her face and shaking her head a little. She took a few breaths to calm herself down, shaking out her hands since they were definitely hurting after how many times she had hit he girl. She then looked up at Theo, shaking her head a little. "She deserved it." Jacklynn told him, no regret evident in her voice what so ever

Theo let go of Jacklynn only when he was sure that she wouldn't go back in there and sighed loudly, hugging at her words. "She /deserved/ it? That's what you have to say? Seriously?" Theo said, pacing back and forth a little as he tried my to snap at her. "Look at you. And did you see how dm you left her? Jack...you could have hurt her really badly." Theo said pushin his hair off his face and sighing.  "Look at your damn hands...they're almost shaking are you serious right now?"

"Seriously." Jacklynn replied easily, not even hesitating before replying to him. Jacklynn rolled her eyes as Theo said she could have been seriously injured. Jacklynn didn't give a single shit. "Good. The bitch threw her drink at me after talking continuous shit about you. She had it coming." She replied, leaning against the wall of the venue. Sure, she had blood over her hands and they hurt like hell but it was worth it. It was so worth it. "Serious as ever." She replied, nodding a little while she searched her pockets for cigarettes.

Theo crossed his arms over his chest when he saw that she really didn't give a flying fuck about all of this. In truth Jacklynn manner, she didn't regret it or even acted like she had done something wrong. He was far too tired to start another argument that would surely end up being blown out of proportion anyway because she was far too angry. "I can't...I'm going to get something to clean you up. Stay where you are or wait in the van, I'm not in the mood to get you out of another damn fight." Theo said, trying not to be too harsh on her.

Jacklynn nodded a little at his words, taking out her pack of cigarettes and lifting one into her mouth. After tucking the pack away once again, she took out her lighter and lit it to take a single drag from it. She leaned against the nearest wall, leaning her head back against the wall and closing her eyes. She didn't see why Theo was so annoyed with her. She didn't see the big deal, honestly. The girl deserved it.

Theo was honestly walking from her at that moment to avoid getting into anger argument with her because he knew that she needed his support. She had done it for him in a crazy, very Jacklynn way. So he just kept to buying some bottled water and told the guys to please load everything that they needed to load into his van because he was leaving as soon as he could. After getting a small towel for her knuckles and any other would that she could have and then made his way out of the bar to get back to Jacklynn. "You okay?" He asked softly as he let his eyes go up and down her frame to figure out where else she was hurt.

Jacklynn finished off the cigarette and flicked the bud aside, sighing softly. It wasn't long after that that she saw Theo again. She nodded easily at his words, pushing herself off the wall and wincing a little since her hands were hurting. "I'm fine." She assured him, nodding a little as she did so.

"I don't want you to be better for me. Honestly, you thinking that I deserve better and that you aren't good enough for anything is what bothers me. Because you do all these things because you don't think you're enough or some shit." Theo replied softly, shaking his head but not looking away. He swallowed hard and took a moment to say what he wanted to say. "I knew that you got into fights when I decided to be with you. I knew that you weren't going to take my shit and I knew that we would argue and hate each other sometimes...and I knew that you were into shit that I wasn't into but that doesn't mean I don't want you. I want you. For good. Even if I have to get mad at you for getting into fights, even if I had to clean up your knuckles or any other wound every night for getting into another stupid fight. And I don't like it. I don't like the possibility of you getting hurt or into trouble. I could lose you, Jack. That's what really kisses me off. Here are more to fights than this what if someone hurt you for good? What-what the hell would I do? I'm no asking you to change. I just-I don't want you to regret all of this later. I don't want you to think that this is all there is to you...because there's so much more to you and you dot even know it." Theo said softly, his eyes not moving from hers as he grabbed her hands again.

Jacklynn looked at Theo intently and listened to every word that left his mouth. How had she of all people managed to find someone who loved and adored her as much as Theo did? It was insane. And while she felt like she didn't deserve it or that she wasn't worthy enough of his love, she was entirely too selfish to push him away. Because she loved him. She loved him so damn much. She just wanted to be the girlfriend he deserved. But maybe she was enough as she was. He dated her for a reason after all. "Fuck," Jack muttered, wiping at her eyes before shaking her head a little in disbelief. "I love you, Shakespeare. So fucking much, you know. I'm sorry. Fucking hell. I'm sorry. and I wish I was better with words to let you know how sorry I am but I hope this is enough.."

Theo didn't even know what to do when he saw her wiping at her eyes because she never cried. He had only ever seen her cry once and it was related to her mother. He placed the towel and the empty bottle of water on the drivers seat and wrapped his arm around her neck to pull her closer. "You're stuck with me, Jacklynn Holt. Whether you like it or not." Theo said softly against her, his head leaning against the side of hers. He didn't even care that the guys started loading up some of their instruments into the back of the van and that they could see them, he just focused on his girlfriend. He lifted his hand up to wipe her tears with his thumb, sniffing a little. "Stop apologizing, please. I love you, okay? That's not gonna change. No matter how many fights you get into or how you think that you don't deserve me. You deserve me. You want good things and you're not a bad person." Theo said softly, kissing her temple.

"I do like it, though." Jack replied gently, wrapping her arms tightly around his middle when he pulled her closer. She nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck and closed her eyes, breathing him in to calm himself down. Jacklynn didn't care that anyone saw. She never did. Theo was he only person who's opinion she cared about. The only one. "You made me cry, you fucker." Jacklynn told him playfully, never being able to stay serious for too long. "I love you, too. So fucking much you have no idea." Jacklynn whispered, rubbing her hand up and down his back slowly.

#para: theolynn