#don't ask me how that logic works. I don't know how wanting attention at 4 gets you disowned either

[struggling-to-find-home]

I still think it's extremely funny that I got disowned by my parents 17 times before I moved out

Five of which were during my year of being ten

Just

A) How the fuck do you disown a literal ten year old

B) How the fuck do you do it FIVE TIMES in a single year??

I can't even remember what I got disowned for some of the times I was but I have been keeping count since I was a child, and the reasons I do remember are so batshit insane at this point I can only laugh (hysterically) about them

Behold, a list of reasons why my full on grown ass adult parents disowned me over the years:

Wanting attention from my mother as a 4 year old

Going away after my parents screamed to get out of their sight, 5 years old

Planting a wrong flower, 7 years old

My brother abusing me, 8 years old

Getting a C in German, 9 years old

Darling to go on the internet, at 10, 12, 13 years old

Being tired, 16 years old

Not wanting to write a specific exam, 17 years old

& The rest, the reasons for which I don't even remember!

And every time came with like a week of severe abuse and me forcing to cower and grovel to earn their "forgiveness"; except for like the last two times

Actually, the being tired disownment is the first time I won a battle against my mother; aka, I never actually apologized for it, which was a gigantic step for a 16 year old timid me who was conditioned to just silently take any mistreatment & apologise for everything, including existing

#yes I literally got disowned because I was abused by my brother #don't ask me how that logic works. I don't know how wanting attention at 4 gets you disowned either #disownment #disowned😞✌🏻 #funny childhood stories #trauma processing funsies #toxic family #dysfunctional family #toxic household #toxic parents #dysfunctional parents #trauma recovery

[thesirencult]

PAC READING: YOUR DIVINE FEMININE'S AURA

Discussing your feminine's general aura and characteristics. Friendly for both men and girls/theys who like girls. You can also pick it to see how your aura is as a feminine ❤️

Book your reading by sending me a private message xoxo S.

Pile 1

7 of pentacles, 8 of pentacles, 10 of swords

Your DF has the aura of a sweet herbal witch. She lives in her little cabin in the woods and like a fairy she works on perfecting her craft. Greens and purples look great on her.

This is a slow and steady energy. This is someone who loves taking their time. She loves learning and implementing her skills. Making coffee becomes a daily ritual and same goes as washing the dishes.

Her attention to detail is immaculate and that can drive you crazy sometimes but you know that with all that good comes some bad. Very well presented, you can take her anywhere and all eyes will be on her. Very earthy, stable and focused on building a foundation for all things practical before she jumps onto commitment.

Her steady "working on myself" attitude stems from getting backstabbed one too many times. She knows that she has to build herself up and after that all her dreams will manifest. She is into self development and may love going through that tag on Tumblr. She may even be a blogger herself.

She is investing in herself and doesn't shy away from learning about accounting or law. Nothing will stand on her way to that cute fairy cottage *aggressive cute walk* 😉.

Pile 2

9 of pentacles, queen of swords, the magician

Whoever has this DF as a counterpart or has that aura, WOW. Miss Independent. A handful. We love seeing that *sprinkle, sprinkle* here. CEO. That's C-Suite energy!

This woman is someone powerful and dominant. Like a race horse you will always bet on because you KNOW, it will always come first 😉 (pun intended). She works very very hard for what she wants and similar to pile 1 she can be in accounting, finance and law. Good with numbers and her hands. I bet she has a dirty sense of humour.

From the first moment you see her you will know she is the real deal. Others blend in the background while she power walks in the room. Penetrating stare and red bottom high heels, her allure is different. She doesn't have to show dominance, others feel that she is the boss. Mami energy. Ferocious when someone comes for her loved ones. She could even be in law enforcement.

Red and brown. Symbolising high energy that's still grounded and serious. Do not cross her.

Pile 3

King Of Swords, Knight Of Wands, Ace Of Swords

Now, this one? A handful ! Try to tie her down. You just can't. A brat.

This person is very fluid. They don't care about terms and conditions. They are highly intelligent and her mind walks a thin line between spirituality and logic. The most unconventional, they will find a solution no one sees yet it's right in front of them. Highly intellectual and well versed in philosophy and math.

This reminds of a movie with James Franco where he played a start up founder who was into spirituality. A crazy genius. A party is a party and they will be there.

Partying in Ibiza? They've done that. Phuket for a Muay Thai Camp? That did that last year! Eiffel tower to try a croissant with pistachio filling? They just got back yesterday and guess what? They hate pistachios.

This person is the type to run a start up company focused on clean energy and when shit hits the fun they will call an astrologer and ask for recommendations. They respect everyone. They will listen to your mom and dad when they talk about their days and take mental notes of great ideas. They know great ideas come from the most unconventional places and fields.

Pile 4

Page Of Cups, Page Of Swords, The Fool (5 Of Swords + 8 Of Swords + 5 Of Pentacles flew out)

This can be my age difference pile. They will run you to the ground lol.

This is someone with lots of mental capacity. You ask them about World War II and they will tell you how Nazis and Churchill used astrology and why the war happened and after 5 hours you will be listening to them about Ancient Mesopotamia. "How did we get here?" You will think.

Well, it doesn't matter cause you love listening to their voice and their warm heartfelt laugh. They look innocent and pure and even if they try to intimidate you you will let them think they can but in reality they look like a cinnamon roll and they are a cinnamon roll. Their life was not the best and they have lots of trust issues. They may look innocent but their eyes hide a painful past. Like a kitten thrown out and left out in the cold they feel lost and unappreciated.

You listening to them means the world and you will be shocked at how appreciative they are and how loving with you. They are very romantic and they may have great expectations and daydreams about their love life.

I get that you might start off as friends and meet in a very random way on a daily run or while getting groceries or a tire changed. You will immediately fall in love with them and they will seem like they don't suspect a thing. Let me tell you, they know, they are just too scared to show their feelings and until you grab them and kiss em you won't know how much passion is brewing underneath this innocent and clever facade. They might turn into pile number 2 in a few years lol.

Ready for everything, you will always be a warm embrace and their home when they come back from exploration. You will love how they yawn while reading a book and how they stretch when they wake up showing revealing their tummy. They are cute to you, even if everyone else sees them differently, that's how you view them. They might be a black mysterious cat but you think of them as a tired little kitten waiting for a safe home that will accept them as they are.

#astrology #tarot reading #tarot #pick a card #pick a pile #pac reading #pick a photo #pick a picture #soulmate #future spouse

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not telling my boyfriend when I got home so I could hear him sing?

My (22m) boyfriend (23m) have been together for a few years, living together for the past 4 months. He's a singer, and an absolutely incredible one at that. He doesn't perform for a living, but doing so has definetly been a dream of his from a young age.

I tend to work later in the day than him, (he's a morning person… takes opening shifts a lot. I could never) so on the nights he does the dishes, I get home to see him washing the dishes with his headphones on, usually singing along to whatever he's listening to. He doesn't tend to hear me come in the door, so I almost always either give him a tap on the shoulder or a hug to let him know I'm home.

The thing is- he really doesn't like when people hear him practice. Vocals especially. He's talked about times he would be working on learning a new song as a young teen and one of his parents would pop their head in to ask him about something, and he would be suppressing tears for a while after. His anxiety around it has gotten a lot better than it used to be, he knows in such a small apartment I'll hear him practicing, but it's still something he usually prefers to be alone for. If he's particularly stressed I'll go out for a walk or put my own headphones in to give him a chance to work without that added anxiety. Either way, I'll usually leave the room so he can repeat whatever line keeps tripping him up without apologizing.

We both see "singing to himself while doing the dishes" and "practicing a new complex song for his band/an audition/for fun" as very different, he'll often even keep singing even if i hang out in the kitchen, (something he's mentioned not being comfortable doing around most- nearly made me cry.) but it changes. I know it does. He sings with so much more freedom when he doesn't think anyone is paying attention, switching between random harmonies and not worrying about his voice cracking if he tries to sing a note a bit too high. Once he realizes I'm home he always quiets down a little bit, or keeps his headphones on one ear so he can pay attention to his vocals with the other. He doesn't realize how much I love hearing his unpolished work. He's never been against performance, I don't think the words "stage fright" have ever been a part of his vocabulary. If I ask him to sing for me, he'll pick up his guitar or put on a backtrack and sing whatever he thinks is polished enough to perform. Onstage his voice is just heavenly, and he fucking knows it. But he just- hates letting people hear him when it's not perfect.

Cut to yesterday- I got home late, and he was washing the dishes, singing to himself, headphones covering both of his ears. He wasn't all that loud, but was so clearly just getting into what he was singing. I can't remember exactly what it was he was singing along to right as I got home, but I just- really wanted to listen. I didn't want to hear his voice get all quiet when he realized I'm there, so I just- sat down on the couch for once. I let him get through another few songs before I got up and hugged him as if I had only just gotten home. He hadn't noticed anything. I didn't tell him. Once he knew I was there, he stopped singing.

I don't think he'd be mad if he found out I waited to let him know I was home, but that doesn't stop a small part of me from worrying. Does he not want to sing around me for a reason? I know logically it's something he's always struggled with, but… I just don't want him to have to censor himself around me. I want him to feel comfortable enough to just keep singing when I get home. But since he's not- I just got home and let him sing without knowing I was there. And I could be an asshole for kind of knowingly breaking the unspoken boundary he's put up- He doesn't want to imperfectly sing around me. And since I always come let him know as soon as I'm home, he can stop himself from singing once I'm there. Maybe I'm overthinking it- but I'm really worried I broke a boundary somehow. AITA?

TL,DR: My boyfriend usually sings while doing the dishes, but always stops singing (or gets a lot quieter) as soon as he knows I'm home. I usually let him know as soon as I'm there, but yesterday I just sat on the couch and listened to him sing for a few extra minutes when I first got home without him noticing, and now I'm worried I broke a boundary.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[misciaspossessed]

How to Properly Self-Diagnose (Mental Illness)

Find the diagnostic criteria, don't look up symptoms (search eg. adhd diagnostic criteria).

a. Make sure you know what illness you mean before searching (eg. you may search for the bpd (borderline personality disorder) criteria when you meant bd (bipolar disorder), do some research of what they are first in case you have it wrong, I recommend Verywell's List Of Psychological Disorders to go over several examples at once with links to extended descriptions (not an exhaustive list, for others, use Mayo Clinic or simply look at the criteria of specific disorders)).

b. Be aware of names like SAD and ASD, both mean (1) seasonal affective disorder and social anxiety disorder, (2) autism spectrum disorder and acute stress disorder. (Tell me if I missed any others)

2. Pay attention to the diagnosis instructions (don't think you need to meet all points, or again, not enough points) (eg. must meet at least 5 of the following 9 symptoms).

3. If you're confused, want to take extra precaution measures, or have questions/I missed something (which I probably did) contact me on Instagram (I won't see my Tumblr messages) (not a professional, just educated myself very much and have good discretion and logic skills (for most)).

a. Though I don't have perfect knowledge either, I have the ability to know and admit that I don't know 100% what I'm talking about if so (which some don't) and can give you instructions on what to do instead or help you go over the data personally instead of trying to translate an article just giving information, I could look at your symptoms specifically and help decode them.

b. If you said f that, I advise against asking a professional or medically diagnosed person, honestly, because it's unbelievable how often doctors don't know what they're talking about, and I wouldn't immediately ask other self diagnosed people either because of how ridiculous it can get (plenty stray far from these instructions), it's best to use good reasoning and know how to research topics, do as much research as possible, use several different sources and try to get the best answer.

4. If you don't know what you have but think you do have something you can message me directly also and I can tell you what your symptoms sound like and anything it could be.

Formatting was kinda weird but it works, hope this helps, don't hesitate to ask further or correct me.

#diagnosis #neurodivergent #self diagnosis #self diagnosis is valid #mental illness #mental health #I'm an expert #✨💅 #take care of yourself #very familiar with many disorders #autism #adhd #ocd #arfid #anxiety disorders #depressive disorders #psychotic disorders #personality disorders #did #osdd #trauma disorders #brain damage #plus others

[kookslastbutton]

Down Bad ༓ myg (m)

✑ Summary: "So all the sudden you're quiet. How about I show you what I mean then hm?"

or

You want to know why your VP Min Yoongi won't pay you any mind so you march into his office and ask him straight up.

Pairing: vice president!yoongi x fem!reader

AU/genre: smut, office au, pwp, co-workers au

Rating: M, 18+

Word Count: 1k+

Warnings: dom!yoongi, sub!reader, slight manhandling, ass grabbing, dirty talk, edging, penetration, doggy style, degredation (yoongi calls reader slut/whore)

A/N: I cannot get over the yoongi in the banner. He just so ahjjhh!! What a man...ok srry it's 1:28am and I'm loosing it. Anyway pls enjoy :) srry it's on the short side and NO logic at all lmao

There he was, vice president of your company; Min Yoongi. He was sexy, smart, sophisticated, all the works really. You've been helplessly infatuated with him for the past 4 months or so but he was clearly uninterested.

Yoongi hardly ever talked to you outside meetings or other work related functions. Many times you've tried starting up a conversation with him but he'd always find a reason to scurry back to his work. Frustrating really. You'd assume maybe he had something against you but he was a pretty direct guy. If something was pissing him off, surely he'd tell you.

You swear, if he'd show you even just a sliver of attention you'd definitely ask his fine ass out.

"Whenever you're done day dreaming about Min, I really need those files reviewed and sent back y/n," a voice cut in.

Fuck. Whipping your head around, you spot your manager. "Sorry, Joon" you shift in your seat. "I'll have them on your desk by noon."

"That would be great, thank you." Namjoon shoots a small smile and continues to his office around the corner.

Well that was a bit embarrassing.

You reach for the stack of files next to you and open the top one. You try focusing on the paragraphs of text inside but after three sentences, you're already dazing out. These reports were probably the least exciting part of your job. Endless blabbering on the same things over and over.

You're pulled out of your thoughts when you notice Yoongi's heading your way. You straighten up your posture and mentally prepare yourself before setting your eyes directly on his.

"Good morning Mr. Min. How are y—"

And he's gone. Didn't even spare you a glance.

You'd think you'd be used to this behavior by now but you weren't. Was he that oblivious to you or was he actually ignoring you? Irritated, you get up from your seat and follow him.

Yoongi had just stepped into his office when he sensed a presence behind him. The distinct perfume let him know it was you.

"Y/n, what can I help you with?"

You march in front of him, hands on your hips. "Do you have a problem with me?"

"Excuse me?" He's taken aback by your aggression but doesn't show it. His voice remains neutral and his stance is relaxed.

"I said, do you have a problem with me? I just tried saying hi to you just now and you completely bypassed me."

Yoongi sighs but says nothing. His hand grabs the edge of the door and closes it shut. "Listen," he starts. "I'm sorry I didn't greet you back but I've been a little out of it lately."

"So you did hear me?" This gorgeously annoying man.

"Yes I did."

"And all you have to say is that you're a little out of it. What kind of reason is that?"

"The only reason you're going to get because it's all I have. And I'm warning you as your superior to never talk to me in this tone again. Now, is there anything else I can do for you?"

"Yes. You can tell me why you avoid making any kind of conversation with me outside projects and budget cuts. Is that because you're out of it too?"

"Y/n—"

"And how you can't be in the room with me for more than five minutes unless someone else is there."

"Y—"

"Or how you don't even give me a half smile when I try joking with you. Am I that unbearable or something?"

"No, it's none of those things."

"Then what is it because you've been acting like I don't exist for weeks unless it's necessary. Clearly there's something you don't like about me."

Silence again. You're thinking about giving up until you see a slight parting of his lips. "Okay you wanna know what it is?" He drawls. "It's because every time I look at you I can't fucking function!"

Shocked at his outburst, you lower your hands from your waist to dangle them by your sides. "What do you mean by that?"

"What do you think I mean?" He steps towards you, eyes darkening.

You shift in place and bite the inside of your cheek.

"So all the sudden you're quiet. How about I show you what I mean then hm?"

Before you can react you feel your back instantly pressed against the door. Yoongi's got you caged between his arms, chest almost touching yours. He locks the door before gazing back at you. "Understanding yet?"

You stare up at him and shake your head in denial, "I have no idea. I think you should show me more."

"Fuck," he breathes before pulling your waist against his and grabbing your ass with his hands. "Alright, I'll show you everything babe but you're gonna need to bend over for me."

"Arghh-shit slow down!" Clinging on the arm of the couch, you take in every thrust he gives you. They're merciless but you'd be lying if you said it wasn't making you drunk with arousal.

"What?" He spits. "Now that you got what you wanted you can't take it?"

"I don't kn-"

"You think I don't see you practically burning holes through me at every opportunity you get?" He pushes into you further, hands tightening around your hips. "I'm not the only one unable to function here, sweetheart. And these fucking tight skirts you've suddenly started wearing that barely get you above dress code. Are you that needy for my attention?"

"Yoongi—"

"It's Mr. Min. Now answer me. You're a fucking whore aren't you?"

"Y-Yes Mr. Min." You groan at the pressure building in your stomach. "I think about you inside me often."

"Yeah? Where inside you?"

"In my—ahhhh! My pussy!"

"And?"

"My mouth."

"Where else?"

"My ass."

"Thought so. No way a desperate little slut like you would only want it one place, one way."

"Arghhh fuck fuck fuck!"

"That one went a little too deep huh? Got you clenching already."

"Ahh I'm gonna come soon!"

"You wish."

"What? Yoongi if you—"

And just like that, everything your body had been working up to gets ripped from you. Yoongi pulls himself out of you with a devilish smirk on his face.

"Can't have us making mess during office hours y/n. It's unprofessional." He gets up from the couch and grabs his pants off the floor.

"But we we're j—"

"Don't you have files to get to Namjoon by noon?"

Fucking hell. It's 11:05am.

You let out a huff and glare at the man standing across from you. "You're unbelievable. We're finishing this later aren't we?"

Yoongi tilts his head, smirk still on his face. "Wouldn't you like that." He picks up your panties and holds them up to you. "Mind if I keep these though?"

"No." You leap up from the couch and snatch them from him. Yoongi pulls your body into his in the process and places hot kisses along the side of your neck. He presses a deep one to your lips after.

"This isn't fair," you gasp. "You can't do this to me when you're kicking me out."

"Get those files done and I'll see if I can make it up to you."

A/N: um yes that was that. Thanks for giving this a read 💜💜 I'd really appericiate hearing your thoughts 😊

Masterlist

#yoongi #yoongi smut #yoongi x reader #bts smut #bts fanfic #bts x reader #bts imagines #bts au #bts scenarios #btswritersclub #fic:downbad #kookslastbutton

[blueepink07]

Kotoko door analysis

(slight mentions of murder and violence)

In this post, I'll try my best to analyse Kotoko's door art! It will have 4 sections! Feel free to skip to which one you want, but I can't guarantee that there aren't parts in which I correlate what I say with an earlier phrase!

1. Colours

2. Door

3. Door elements

4. Kotoko - body language and item

Colours

The predominant colour for her door is deep pink. It's interesting, because it is very similar with her song title!

This shade of pink is often associated with boldness, exitement and something alarming.

Kotoko is excited to work with us, as stated in her voice lines for the second trial. She promises to use her strength for Es in order to punish the evildoers, happy that there is someone who she thinks understands her views.

"Kotoko: To be honest, I don't know your true intentions. And I don't know whether you are a similar person with similar thoughts. Who knows, maybe it's just my delusion of wishful thinking."

Kotoko is working alone most of the time during her MV. Her desires to change the world and punish the evil, are aspects that even she knows that are very hard to achieve alone. Despite the "lone wolf" saying and association with many characters, wolves are animals that work better together, as a pack. They are loyal and care about eachother, they hunt better and protect, having a common objective of self-preservation.

Kotoko's frustration and desperation in this voice line, illustrates that people, in general, aren't very fond of her actions and wishes. She yells at them, because she's tired of having to explain her desires. On top of that, the fact that she has to work alone, means that she is hardly achieving what she wants.

"From the beginning I've never asked for your understanding! My actions, one by one, are bringing earth closer to peace. Useless Weaklings should just shut up and let me protect them!"

When she sees Es, she can't shake the oportunity of not working with them. She is hoping for a change, and thinks that maybe, just maybe, she finally found the right person, the right partner.

"Kotoko: Let's shake hands. We will be companions."

Boldness is really self-explanatory considering Kotoko's character. She is not afraid to put herself in danger, because she is confident in her skills. In order to protect people, she is overworking herself and fights untill exhaustion. By calling herself a "fang", it indicates how she has the tendecy to consider herself a weapon, an intem used to deliver justice, showing how little concern she has for her well-being.

"Good morning, Es. I’m Yuzuriha Kotoko. I’m your fangs."

Deep pink is a colour that cathes people attention. It is composed from red and white, the darker the pink, the more red used. This colour is associated with something alarming, basically danger. It is a nice parallel, considering that Kotoko attacked the guilty prisoners, and is a dangerous person in the eyes of the evildoers.

Moreover, intense pinks often creates a sense of urgency. In the MV, Kotoko is seen running almost constantly, never taking a break, and trying her hardest to find clues and take action. She is determinated to deliver justice and to pursue her work. Along with her desperate and strong singing, the urgency can be felt and seen.

Next, we have a shade of teal, which is used for the text!

Teal symbolises individuality, renewal, morality, practicality, welcoming, logical, private.

Individuality -> Kotoko is seen as an unique person due to her unusual wishes. She is not understood by many, she gave up on asking people to understand her, although she craves for support and help.

Morality -> she has a strong sense of justice and such learned to distinguish what's bad or good, right or wrong. Moreover, being a law student, means that she wants to pursue a career based on these principles.

Practicality, renewal -> Kotoko is trying her hardest to give her best, even more now that she has Es as a partner. Practicality can also mean "usefulness" or "utility". Combined with Kotoko's views about herself, in which she considers as a weapon to be used, it makes a lot of sense with her character.

"(laughs) Just as I hoped. So you want to work together with me, right? I’ll live up to your expectations and use up all of my power for you."

Welcoming -> Kotoko offered Es to work together, basically welcoming them to team up. Even now, this most likely represents her willingness to continue the deal, looking at Es with a pround grin, in a way that express her happiness that she has a partner.

Logical, private -> Kotoko, despite offering to work with Es, didn't reveal much information about herself, other than her beliefs. Although she wants to work with us, for logical reasons, she keeps details in the unfortunate event that she might be betrayed. Also, in her MV, she is shown carefully finding information, analysing it and, then, going into action. She carefully plans, and keeps her identity anonymous, the best example being Kotoko hurting the man from the alley with men boots, for the police to not suspect her.

Door

Now that we covered the colours, let's proceed to the door.

Due to medieval style that it has, and because the material used it's most likely iron, I think it looks very similar with a dungeon door.

"A dungeon is a room or cell in which prisoners are held, especially underground. Dungeons are generally associated with  medieval castles, though their association with tortue probably belongs more to the Renaissance period."

Considering the definition, I think it fits a lot with Kotoko. She sees herself as Es's companion, above the other prisoners, whom she beats up based on our judgement. The torture part isn't far fetched either, seeing the state Mahiru and Fuuta are during this trial and, who knows, maybe even in the next.

However, the appearance of the dungeons can have a bigger correlation with Kokoko's character. Dungeons are places of torture and imprisonment, therefore they correlate with deeply hidden, unconscious thoughts and fears.

It's no wonder that her VD will be pretty much Kotoko and Es discussing her current actions and the deal. Even in the song preview, she is asking why do we want to stop her? Isn't it what justice is about?

Kotoko might feel a litte betrayed by Es, who doesn't want to continue this vigilante justice in the prison. As I stated before, Kotoko is very happy, having Es as a companion, with whom her work is easier, feeling more closer to ending her mission of eradicating the evildoers. Kotoko is a logical person, so I think that deep down she will realize easily that her and Es don't have the same ideals and principales. She was alone for a long time, her wishes not being seen with good eyes by others. I don't think Kotoko doesn't fear deep down that Es will betray her, if she'll be voted guilty, although these things will surely be hidden by her tough front. She is scared of not having a purpose, a way to prove herself, and without Es, all these things will dissapear.

Moreover, the fact that this door is the most "open" in the sense that, due to the iron bars, we can see the darkness, her subconscious, it indicates that she'll probably be the most open to share her views, new details about the crime. After all, even in the first voice drama, she has no fear in letting Es see her "heart", and now, she has the same attitude.

"Kotoko: After all, Es, you can touch (access) my heart (inner world), right? Through songs and videos..

Es: That is correct.

Kotoko: Then there's no problem. People who understand will automatically do so."

Kotoko, in reality, didn't change much, but she become more confident, because now she has a reason to give justice, a new purpose. In a way, it's like an addiction for Kotoko, this feeling of being right and punishing evil. And it was even more pronounced, because of our vote and deal. An addiction it's not something that you can get rid off easily: the more you do, the more you want it and need it.

"Don't stop/ I need a good reason to give justice/ Give me my next purpose"

Now, this will be just a speculation on my part, but based on the fact that dungeons can symbolise (the deepest fears and thoughts), and that the door is the "most open", I think we will dig much deeper in Kotoko's subconscious, maybe finding more elements of her relationship with her own desires and the lack of self care, maybe even more information about why she made this decision of dedicating herself for justice. Even if these things will not happen, what I'm sure of is that Kotoko's MV will be a banger!

Door elements

Because we covered the door itself, we will continue analysing the elements from it: the wolf claw marks, the eye and the weighing scale.

The claw marks

"The imagery of the claw has long been associated with the idea of the hunter, the protector, and the warrior. The sharp edges of the claw symbolises our ability to defend ourselves and our loved ones and represents the primal force that stirs within us. Whether carved from stone or crafted from metal, the claw symbolises the strength and perseverance that lies within us all."

No wonder, claw marks symbolise Kotoko's strenght and ability to protect others, as well as her ferocity when she is giving punishments to evildoers. It's not the first time when she feels connected to the wolves, seeing herself as a part of the pack. She is determinated to achieve her goals of eradicating evil from the world.

Claw marks can symbolise passion and intense emotions. The intoxicating feeling that Kotoko has every time she manages to find a bad person, when she has a new purpose, a new utility. Also, it can illustrate Kotoko's lack of sympaty for these kind of people and how she doesn't feel any remorse, being pround of her actions.

I would also want to point out the rust:

Although ruin, most of the time, symbolises neglect and decay, further accentuating Kotoko's murder and the beatings in the prison, which resulted in Mahiru being on the brink of death, it can also represent endurance and impermanence.

"Rust is also a reminder of impermanence. It serves as a symbol of the fact that everything in life is temporary and has an expiration date. It can serve as a reminder to cherish the present moment and not take anything for granted."

In this case, Kotoko will most probably lose her power and authority that it was granted to her by Es, when accepting the deal. She exploited this new power, by punishing the guilty prisoners without Es's knowledge, being convinced that their ideals are totaly aligned. In the end, this deal will turn out to be nothing but temporary, depending on her future verdict.

Also, isn't it interesting how every claw mark has three scratch marks (Fuuta's number), and together they are six (Mahiru's number)?

Weighing scale

"The scales (specifically, a two-pan, beam balance) are one of the traditional symbols of justice, as wielded by statues of Lady Justice. This corresponds to the use in a metaphor of matters being "held in the balance"."

This one is a pretty known fact, that scales represent justice, fairness and equal treatment.

Justice is pretty much the main part of Kotoko's character, so no wonder that we have an association with the lady of justice. However, it's important to remember that we are the ones that are voting the characters, Kotoko is just following our decisions. So not only it serves as a reminder for the deal established, but also at our own hypocrisy. Our judgements are nothing but impure, they are not fair, because our biases come to play. So seeing this weighing scale, which is supposed to represent fairness, it's quite funny. To further highlight my point, the eye on the door is not covered, not even closed.

So in the end, it's an interesting way to show our hypocrisy and Kotoko's, because, she's following our judgement without bothering to find more information about their specific crimes, blindly trusting Es, in the process.

Eye

Considering that we talked about the eye, let's continue with it.

The way is shaped, and because of the big emphasis of showing more Kotoko's right eye (here, in the door art, but also, in the thumbnail), this more likely represents the eye of Ra.

What is the eye of Ra?

"The Egyptian eye is found in various amulets. The idea here is that it can help push the negative energy away while bringing harmony back into your life. It's interesting because a lot of pharaohs were using it as a way to protect themselves while also destabilizing the government. That said, you need to be careful if you choose to invoke this energy. It can sometimes become violent and out of control."

This eye represents very well the situation that we have with Kotoko. If we consider her the eye of Ra, it can easily illustrate how we "invoked" her by making this deal, in order to protect us and give us information about the life in prison, but she became too violent and went out of control, punishing the guilty prisoners without Es's acord.

What's even more interesting is that eye of Ra amulets were most of the time coloured in a dark crimson colour to ward against evil spirits. Kotoko has dark crimson eyes, the similarities between this eye and her are fascinating!

Moreover, there is a legend in which the human Ra become old and weak, so people started to disregard his laws and rules. Annoyed, he punished the people, sending his daughter Ra's lion eye, which anihilated almost all humanity!

A summary of the legend: feel free to skip!

"According to legend, the human Ra was old and frail, and because of this, his people began to disregard his laws and directives. To punish his people, he dispatched his daughter, Ra’s lion’s eye. The eye grew enraged and annihilated humanity. The gods were worried that the eye would kill everyone. Ra got his eyes drunk on red beer and passed out. The eye then calmed down and returned to Ra."

There are other myths too. For example, one of them, which is very similar with what Kotoko is doing this trial, states that the Eye of Ra is designed to acquire information. Then justice is brought based on the info accumulated by the eye.

"Kotoko: Using you, in the position of a prison guard, with information you received from the interrogations. Paired with me, in the position of a prisoner, with information I receive from my life in prison… us sharing it. What do you think?"

Anyway, I think we talked enough about this eye, let's proceed to next section, which is the last!

Kotoko - body language and item

Kotoko's shown grinning at us with a confident attitude, quite proundly, having one of her hands on her hips, and in the other holding a baton.

Grin

"Grin is defined as a facial expression that expresses the feeling of pleasure, amusement, or insincere. The body language carried out for this expression is that the person smiles in the manner that his mouth is open and the teeth are visible."

Feeling of pleasure of having found her "awaited hero" and punishing the people who have sinned.

Hand on hip

"The hand on hip pose usually means you're feeling confident and ready to take action."

Kotoko is demonstrating us that she is ready to do whatever "next purpose" or task we are giving her. She is looking at us like we are her partner, and she can't wait to take again action!

Also:" just like how the pose can make you feel more confident, placing your hands on your hips can assure you that you’re capable and know what you’re doing."

At the same time, she is also reassuring herself and her actions, probably thinking that the task ahead or "the dirty work" as she calls it in VD, will be difficult, but, at the same time, will bring her the satisfaction of knowing that she contributed more in punishing the bad people.

An interesting fact!

"Police officers often place their hands on their hips to show that they’re ready to take charge. This pose is so common in police officers that you might be able to tell that someone is a cop when they’re not in uniform!"

Further implying the new authority that it was granted to Kotoko after the deal!

Considering that we talked about police officers, let's get to the item, more precisely the baton! (btw, kind of upset, because I can't really find something else to talk about her pose, as for other characters! But her door is still one of the prettiest!)

Baton

The first time I've seen the art, I genually thought for a moment that she is holding a sword, realizing shortly after that is just the baton from her second sprite! But, because I made this correlation, I immediately thought, again, at the Lady of Justice, but this time, at her weapon!

"In ancient times, a guilty verdict was executed with a literal swing of the sword on the neck of the accused. The symbolism is thus used to convey the idea that justice, when enforced, should be swift and with finality.

Swords likewise symbolize authority and respect, denoting that justice stands by its every ruling and decision. However, notice that Lady Justice’s sword is unsheathed, meaning justice is always transparent and is never just an implement of fear."

The baton, in this case, is like the sword for the Lady of Justice! (so many associations with her!). Kotoko is using it to showcase her authority and to command respect. Es is the one that "rules" and makes the decisions. Kotoko is the one who is swinging her "sword" and punishes, basically doing the dirty work.

"You're too kind. You can't bear to see the prison changing due to your choices, can you? You need allies. I'll do the dirty work."

This is very long! I am tired, but also excited to see Kotoko's MV! The symbolism, the elements on the door are so fascinating... It actually makes you wonder if Kotoko sees herself as a Lady of Justice in her own way!

Thank you for reading! ~🐺

#AAAA I can't wait for Kotoko's VD! #the sad part of her being the last is that we have the least information about her right now... #I will probably take a break from these long analyses #At least until I learn to manage my time better because I will be very busy starting next week unfortunately #But I'll try to post even if they are just small things! #Also the lack of Kotoko content makes me sad that's why I decided to analyse her door! #milgram #milgram kotoko #kotoko yuzuriha #milgram theory #character analysis #thoughts

[ilovecupcakesandtea]

Chapter 1. Chapter 4

Eddie hadn’t even noticed Steve. It’s not that he was trying to be quiet, he wasn’t. The closer Steve got the more he realized how truly exhausted Eddie looked. 

“Hey Eddie.” Steve had half whispered, trying not to startle him by being too loud. It didn’t seem to matter as Eddie jumped a little anyway, putting a hand to his chest making his heavy breathing more noticeable.

“Jesus Steve. Scared the shit out of me man.” Eddie sighed, leaning against the cart in an attempt to collect himself.

“Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s ok, just tired i guess” Eddie said, yawning as if his body needed to show proof of how tired he actually was. The red eyes he had and the dark circles under them apparently didn't show it enough. 

"Everything alright? Working a lot or something?" 

“Yeah, I’m working a lot, I’m erm,” Eddie stopped himself, how could he tell Steve why he was exhausted without revealing Nova? “Looking to move out as soon as I can, you know, working hard and saving harder, want to be out of Wayne's hair as soon as I can” He hoped his rambling stopped Steve asking too many questions.

"Well I can understand that. Look it's been awhile and knowing you plus how much you've clearly been working, I know you haven't had a decent meal in awhile. Why don't you come over tonight for dinner?"

He needed to think of something quickly. Logically he knew he should just tell the truth, but there was an issue with that. Not that he didn't think Steve would be understanding, no it was a different issue. Eddie had nursed a long distance crush on the jock during his ‘king Steve’ days and even after that before Steve graduated. Being thrown into the same friendship group had made sure this crush did not stay long distance and did not remain a simple crush. Telling Steve about Nova felt like ending anything that could potentially develop between the two of them. 

“I’d love to but Wayne’s working tonight and I need to be at home” Eddie replied nervously. The last thing he wanted was Steve thinking he didn't want to spend time with him.

"Oh ok. Well, uh, maybe another time then." Steve replied, looking down at his feet. 

“Fuck” Eddie sighed, looking at Steve's disappointed face. “Look, I haven't been honest with you. I’ve become the guardian of my half sister in the last few weeks, I can't leave her at home when Waynes is at work, she's like 7 months old.” Eddie confessed, not meeting Steve's eyes. 

"That explains a lot then. My offer still stands, you can bring her with you. I don't mind." Steve was feeling better now about how long it has been since they last talked. He'd always tried to give Eddie the benefit of the doubt but he'd be lying if he said he hadn't thought that maybe Eddie just didn't want anything to do with him anymore.

"You don't mind? Like if I brought her with me tonight that would be ok?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah of course! I love kids. Used to babysit the Wheeler's youngest."

"Ok then, if you're sure?" Eddie questioned. 

"No, I've just said that for nothing." Steve replied, pausing for a moment. "Yes I'm sure. Really, I promise it's fine."

"Alright then, you're on. Me and the tiny terror will be round later. Be warned though, she's teething and hates every second of it" Eddie nervously laughed.

"I'm looking forward to it. See you at five if that works?"

"Yeah 5 works for us, see you then" Eddie smiled "I'd best pick up the groceries and head out, Wayne's been left with her and he was working last night" he gestured to his cart.

"Best hurry up then. See you later Munson." Steve called as he turned around to continue his grocery shopping and waving goodbye.

"Catch you later Harrington." Eddie said, walking away. Dinner with Steve Harrington, how did Eddie get this lucky he wondered. 

Steve had walked down three aisles before realizing he hadn’t been paying attention or grabbed anything that he had actually needed. Instead he couldn’t stop worrying about what he would make. What could he make that all three of them could have? It had been awhile since he’d watched Holly when she was a baby which was making it hard to remember what a seven month old could have.

He rolled his eyes at Robin’s last message before switching to his notes app to add to his grocery list. She wasn’t going to leave him alone but it still didn’t feel like the right time. Eddie clearly has so much going on right now. He didn’t want Eddie to have to worry about trying to make time for a relationship too, that is if he even would want one with Steve.

The rest of the time spent grocery shopping and the drive home flew by with Steve’s mind somewhere else. By the time he got home he couldn’t even remember what really happened after seeing Eddie. Once all of the groceries were put away, leaving what he’d need for dinner tonight out by the stove, he went upstairs to change. Standing in front of his closet he wasn’t sure if he should change anymore. Would Eddie think Steve was trying to impress him? Would he think Steve meant it to be more than just dinner? He decided to just change out of his t-shirt and into a polo, feeling that was a good middle ground. He glanced at his alarm clock by his bed to see if he had time to fix his hair a little, the only way he could was if he rushed his cooking. It wasn’t a hard decision to make. Sure he liked to look nice but this was about trying to do something nice for Eddie. He’d rather take his time to make sure the pasta and garlic bread came out perfect. It felt like Steve had been doing ok on time when he heard a knock on his door.

"Come on in, the door is unlocked and I'm in the kitchen!" Steve yelled.

“Hey Harrington, trouble one and two are here” Eddie said loudly as he opened the door and walked in. 

"Hey! I'm just finishing up. Dinner should be ready in about five minutes."

"Is it cool if I set little miss up in the living room whilst you're finishing up?" 

"Of course! You do whatever you need to. I have an old portable high chair attached to a kitchen chair for her. I still had it left from babysitting Holly. Let me know if you need anything at all while you set up!"

Eddie left Nova in her carseat and proceeded to open the pack and play up. Each time he did this it became easier. Open, pull, pull, push down and place the mat. Less than a couple of minutes later the pack and play was set up with a few toys in it. 

"Look at Stevie being all fancy with a fancy chair for you ay squirrel" Eddie said to Nova "Thanks, was just going to pop her into her pack and play for the evening but this is better" 

"No problem! I'll be in there in just a second with everything."   

"You cool with a couple soft toys on the table? She's already eaten and she won't give me a moment to eat if she isn't occupied" Eddie shouted through to Steve as he took Nova out of her seat and took her coat off. 

"Of course!"

"There you go then little miss, you sit there and behave" Eddie said to Nova as he placed her in her seat and then sat next to her. “So you know what's been going on with me. What about you? What’s the heartbreaker of Hawkins been up to recently?"

"Not a whole lot really. Just working and a few dates here and there but that's about it really."

“No one catching your fancy to keep around?” Eddie questioned, looking over at Nova and playing with her toy with her and he tried to eat. 

"Yes and no. Just not really any of the dates I've been on lately."

“That sucks man, I’m sorry” 

"It's fine really. Just gotta wait for the right time with the right one. It'll happen eventually. I'm not in a rush."

“That’s good then, just enjoy it then I guess” Eddie shrugged.

"How's work going?"

“Busy but that’s not always a bad thing” Eddie answered, moving Nova's hand away from his hair without even really looking at her. 

"Well good."

After their meal had been finished and they had caught up on everything they made their way through to the living room. Eddie placed Nova in her pack and play before going and sitting on the couch. 

"So, you don't have to answer if you don't want to but how did you end up as her guardian?"

“My sperm donor decided he didn't want her, she was going to end up in the system if I didn’t take her in.” Eddie shrugged. 

"Oh damn. That's great that you aren't letting her end up in the system though. How long have you had her?"

“Only like 5 weeks.” Eddie answered, "somehow feels like longer and so much shorter though" 

"How's that going? It's gotta be a big adjustment."   

“Yeah it really has been. I’m so lucky she’s a good baby overall, people in the park have been really good and gave us a load of things for her. There's a mom, Aimee, that helps me to look after her when I'm working.”

"That's good. I'm glad you have people helping you. You know you can ask me for help too, right?" 

“Missing being the babysitter are you?” Eddie joked.

"Maybe a little. Don't you dare tell the kids though. They bother me enough."

“Secrets safe with me dude.” Eddie laughed.

"Good! You're welcome to hangout for a little while if you'd like. We could watch a movie."

“Yeah sounds good to me, lay a film on me”.  

They decided on Captain America and The Winter Soldier to watch and they carried on talking.

They had just got past the part in the movie where The Winter Soldier had attacked Steve and Natasha before being revealed to be Bucky when Eddie's eyes started to droop. Being filled with good food, tired from looking after a baby and working meant that once it started there was no stopping it. Eddie was asleep a couple of minutes later. 

"Alright Nova, looks like it's just you and me now." Steve said softly as he got up to retrieve some of the toys she had been playing with earlier. "I just have a phone call I need to make. I'll be there where I can see you ok?" He told her as he pointed towards the doorway to the kitchen. Thankfully the phone was right next to the door of the kitchen so he could easily see Nova while on the phone. It was just past seven so hopefully he wouldn't be interrupting dinner or calling too late. 

"Hello?" A familiar voice answered. 

"Hey Nancy. Hope I'm not calling at a bad time but I'd actually like to talk to your mom if she's not too busy." Steve tried to hide how awkward it felt talking to Nancy. They had broken up ages ago but now they just remained civil, not having a conversation much past 'how are you' when they had to see each other because of her brother. 

"Just a second. I'll go get her." Nancy replied before he heard the sound of the receiver being placed on the counter. 

"Steve, what a lovely surprise. How have you been, dear?" Mrs. Wheeler asked after a few moments of muffled conversation.

"I've been good, thanks. I was actually calling to see if you possibly still had any of Holly's old baby stuff that you might be willing to part with?" Steve asked hesitantly. 

"Of course I do! When is the baby due? I'm sure I can have Ted and Mike pull the stuff down from the attic." 

"Oh actually, she's already here. I just found out that a friend has a baby now. I know he's already got some stuff but I remember how quickly Holly out grew her stuff and figured he could probably use some more if you don't mind." Steve knew Mrs. Wheeler would be likely to help but he didn't want to sound like he expected it. 

"I don't mind one bit! I'll have the boys pull stuff down in the morning and you can stop by in the afternoon if you're free." 

"That would be great! I don't have work tomorrow and can stop by. Thank you so much Mrs. Wheeler. I really appreciate it." 

"Stop it, you know you can call me Karen. It's not a problem at all. You did plenty for us with Holly anyway."

"I didn't mind. Holly was great. Thanks again Karen! I'll see you tomorrow!" He knew Eddie hadn't asked for help but seeing how quickly Eddie had fallen asleep and how stressed he probably was just made Steve want to do whatever he could to make things even a little easier on his friend. 

As he walked back to Nova he could see how tired she was. He carefully lifted her up and grabbed the bag Eddie had brought with her stuff. It had been a while since he'd watched a kid so young but he found it easy to remember everything as he got Nova changed and ready to go to sleep. Steve didn't know what Eddie usually did to help her sleep but figured gently rocking her while he sat on the couch was a good enough place to start. He had wanted to be a little upset when she reached up and tightly held on to a lock of his hair but looking down at her, he just couldn't be mad at the adorable little girl in his arms. Once she was fast asleep and back in her pack and play, he grabbed a blanket from a closet in the hallway and covered Eddie with it. He couldn't help but smile looking over at the two of them. Steve had to push down the thoughts of wanting to tell Eddie how much he cared for him, he had enough going on. He might not be able to tell him but if Eddie was committed to giving Nova the best life he could then Steve would be right there with him as much as Eddie would allow. 

Steve was just about to head upstairs to get himself ready for bed when a loud bangs had started coming from his front door. He opened the door just enough for him to be visible as he leaned against the door frame. 

“Why are you kids here so late?” Steve demanded.

“Are you going to let us in or not?” Dustin asked. One of these days he was going to get this kid to understand that he needed to work on his tone.

“Absolutely not!” Steve scoffed.

“Why not? Is it because your kid is asleep? Why didn’t you tell us Steve!” Dustin yelled. 

“I swear to god Henderson if you wake them up I’m not taking you anywhere or letting you use the pool for at least two weeks.” Steve grumbled.

“So I was right then! Why didn’t you tell us? Why did we have to find out through Mrs. Wheeler?” 

“There’s nothing to tell you.”

“Are you kidding me? You having a kid is definitely something you should have told us. I mean we all knew you slept around so it was bound to happen.”

“Did you just call me a slut?”

“That’s not the point Steve. The kid. Tell me.”

“She’s not mine dude.” 

“You don’t have to lie to me.”

“I’m not lying. She’s really not mine. It’s just not my place to talk about it, ok? Now get the hell out of here because if you wake Eddie or the baby up it really will be two weeks.” Steve said as he shut the door before Dustin had the chance to respond. Heard a muffled Dustin ask if it was Eddie’s from the other side of the door but he wasn’t willing to open it again to answer him. Dustin could ask Eddie when he got the chance. He had enough going on and didn’t need Dustin or the others bothering him on top of that. For now Steve just hoped that no one else showed up so Eddie could get an obviously very much needed good night’s sleep.

#eddie munson #steve harrington #stranger things #steddie #steddie fic #steddie fan fic #steddie fanfiction #steddie dads

[bigskydreaming]

Okay, having a rare high spoons and no specific plans day, so want to try working through some Logic Snarls in one of my original projects by the time-tested method of Babbling at People About Them Until It Makes Sense In My Head. Anyone who remembers me talking about one of these before (and even if you don't), ask away to Unleash the Babbles. It'll be helpful to me, and possibly interesting for you? That's what Management said anyway. Idk, I just work here

Changelings (modern urban fantasy, check my #changelings 'verse tag for more details)

2. Waveriders (one of the focal planets in my big space opera universe, this one's about a bunch of people living on a gas giant in floating cities with sky pirates, cyborg ghost dragons and chaos angels. Title comes from people being born with the ability to mentally hack one of nine different kinds of wavelengths/energy....think like how ATLA has airbenders, firebenders, etc.....this universe - well, planet - has echoriders, who can hack or manipulate sound wavelengths with their minds, brightriders, who can hack light wavelengths, shockriders manipulate electricity, boomriders kinetic energy, etc. There's no One Avatar To Rule Them All though, nobody can hack all nine kinds of energy, its not ACTUALLY Avatar, that was just the closest association) - more here

3. Patron and Muse (from the same space opera universe as the above, just a different solar system, its a closed solar system that's kinda like the mysterious Bermuda Triangle of space....none of the other civilizations know what's in there cuz their ships vanish into it and pop out the other side without ever crossing the space in between, and meanwhile all the people on the planets inside the solar system have never left their bubble even though they travel between their planets & have no idea what goes on outside their system. Title comes from mysterious god-like psychic entities the people in-system call 'patrons' who are assumed to be a species that transcended their physicality eons ago and are only stirred to show interest in the affairs of mortal beings when art - or more accurately the emotions & thoughts that inspire it, and that it inspires in turn - attract their curiosity. There's a kind of symbiotic relationship between patrons and muses - artists who attract the attention of a patron - as art is the lever that can literally move planets in this system.....as muses can inspire patrons to invest the art that interests them with supernatural qualities or powers. Paintings can act as portals that transport between worlds, songs can heal, dances can show the future, sculptures can be brought to life, architecture can warp space and time, etc).

4. Me being a cheater who cheats and saying 'eh anything related to my Citadel shared fantasy universe, as though that isn't an umbrella covering multiple projects, like so and also so and also so so.' (The Citadel is a high fantasy universe based on the premise that a pantheon of gods with their own unique attributes all had a civil war, were banished from the One Prime World and scattered across the void that was the as yet unmade rest of the universe and all created their own worlds, peoples and magic systems utilizing just their own divine nature. So there's a world and magic created by the God of Time, a radically different water world created by the God of Dreams, a physics-defying one created by the Goddess of the Forge, etc, etc. The God of Memory created his world out of his memories of the old one but its a chaotic, half-formed place of unreality due to the fact that he's a narcissist who only remembers the stuff he bothered to pay attention to, so his world is full of holes in reality and natural laws that don't make sense because he doesn't remember how things are supposed to work and lacked the imagination - or failed to prioritize - bothering to fill in the gaps himself. The Goddess of Vengeance created a moving planet that drifts through the universe stalking her prey, the other gods who betrayed her in their civil war and sends her legions of followers forth to sow chaos on the other gods' worlds whenever her planet drifts within reach of one of theirs, eclipsing their suns. Etc, etc)

[tadpolesonalgae]

After reading Please... part 4, is it weird that i want to see more interaction between Mor and reader? like even more than i want to see interaction between Az and reader??? i think it's just such an interesting dynamic,, their situation lowkey resembles one of siblings that grew up in an abusive household but the older sibling went to college/moved out first and the younger sibling feels abandoned. like, no one is really in the wrong because the older one is just as much of a victim as the younger one, but feelings and emotions don't necessarily work as strict and logically as you'd like them to. plus in the case of the fic, reader wasn't even born when the whole ordeal of Mor being traded off to the Autumn Court and eventually saved by Rhys, but there's still the underlying current of "i know what you're probably going through bc i've gone through it too but i also barely saved myself from it so i don't know how to save you"....... even if Keir & his wife's abuse is not Mor's fault nor responsibility.

and with the unbothered demeanor that reader seems to have, she probably doesn't hold too strong of a resentment towards Mor (tbh reader seems like she doesn't hold Any type of strong feelings towards anyone or anything both negative and positive.. other than like being touch starved and the occasional fear of pain which only further solidifies my theory that she's probably physically abused in some capacity to the point that she has an insane disinterest in her own safety and it made her numb to most emotions as a defense mechanism but i feel like now this is just me projecting 💀💀) but there's got to be Something.... right..?????? like, the part where reader mentions Velaris and asks about how the world is like outside of hewn city to keep egging Mor, i wonder if Mor's agitation was purely because she felt her safe haven being threatened or if it's also because she somewhat feels,, guilt that she got to escape from her parents and hewn city but reader didn't. and i wonder if reader chose that particular topic because she's subconsciously aware of that. or at least she can tell it makes Mor uncomfortable even if she can pinpoint exactly why.

anyways, im just happy and thriving that this series is back on the roll 🎉 it's honestly been my roman empire ever since i first read it lol

I’d say she’s probably just focusing on surviving in her court and keeping herself as far away from her parents as she can without bringing attention to her deliberate absence? And while it’s definitely been awful for her growing up with them, she has managed to find an escape of sorts—that being her interest in ancient artefacts and the Things Kier keeps locked away which is how she’s kept herself together.

In terms of reader’s relationship with Mor, and being interested in some more details, given what can occur in the next couple of parts, that might happen? I only say might because please… isn’t planned out or anything, so while I know where the story can go, there aren’t any set Moments that are going to be written :)

It would be nice to write some things with them though, as well as with Az :)

‘anyways, im just happy and thriving that this series is back on the roll 🎉 it's honestly been my roman empire ever since i first read it lol’

Thank you so much 🧡💛 I’m honestly really happy to be writing it again (as well as the other fics I’d maybe forgotten about) so it’s lovely to hear that you’re enjoying it 🧡💛🫂

#anons <3 #please… #thank you ☹️🧡💛 #🫂

[mint-yooxgi]

Everybody is talking about adding joong and jongho but i think we're missing a key member..... 👀

Can we talk about Song Mingi?!! Naurrr my man was peeping on her since the plane ride 😭 also he did not so subtly confess that he would also like to be added to the two hours between readers thighs squad!! And even Wooyoung outed mingi for wanting to ask reader out! Not to mention mingi's birthchart has major possesive yandere vibes. I can just tell that when they put him next to reader to even out the heights for the paparazzi pics, mingi was like 'manner hands, manner hands, don't touch the booty'. I think those 4 make the most sense for the love interests because they have the best chemistry. Wooyoung is just a little flirt and horny happy for attention hahah Maybe even Yunho? I feel like he's be subtly showing more attention to the reader but in a subconscious way. Who knows, one day mans might snap and be like damn wait i keep teasing everyone else about how fine she is but she actually is really fine, i want her myself 😎 but i think reader x yeosang, jongho, joong and mingi ft. horny wooyoung are my top ateez pics rn

I just voted in the poll but will you please tell us who you're adding for sure 🥺 i need to knowwwe hehe, just a little spoiler since im obsessed with the series plss?.

Yeosang is in major denial rn but he's a smart boy, im sure he'll know whats up soon 😏 i cant wait to see him fight for readers attention because she's got some srs simps hehe. Also this is a humble request but even if you don't add him as a full on love interest, if you could somehow fit in jeonghan i will be eternally grateful 💖 he's my ult but im also rooting for jihoon x tall reader because DUH lol. His whole shy thing and the way they greeted eachother in pt 2 backstage was sooo cute 😭 and the way he kept her collab to himself ugh

Nah, cause anon, you've got me smiling like a maniac right now omg you are SO RIGHT about MINGI!!! I was honestly thinking he'd be really subtle about it at first but now I'm rethinking EVERYTHING

Every time I think of this au, I'm like, but what about adding... this idol could also work.... but I'm also like, it's SO full of crack now but it works???? I can't stop????

As for who I'm adding for sure, I know it's definitely going to be Joong and Jongho cause they're just the most logical, and Hyunjin also just feels right, but I'm toeing the line on everyone else. I have plans for all of ateez and most, if not all of skz, but it just honestly depends on if people would be cool with that/want to see it.

I contemplated adding a few other members from different groups, but I'm still not sure yet...

#ask #much to think about #oof

[edenjohansson]

chapter 1

fifty shades of Red

summary: What if the Avengers meet Vampires? Two univers, one famous and the other strictly secret. Belladonna alias the Queen of America's vampires is single thanks to her immortality but when she meets her everything falls apart. Natasha Romanoff alias Black Widow works with the Avengers but when she meets her she wants to leave everything behind for her.

Bella's pov :

When my car stopped in front of my house I went through my garden and got inside my living room. Everythings looks the same. Nothing change.

My bay windows were open on my swimming pool and on the forest beside. The sunset looks so peaceful right now.

My place is away from everything, the portal at the beginning never let anyone inside. I live alone here and my family never understands why and ever less why I'm single.

With my long white hair and my grey eyes I have a lot of people's attention.

But It's quite simple for me. How can I get attached to anyone when I'm immortal? I saw all my friends die and I can't feel this again. Becoming a vampire was never a good option to have friends and ever less girlfriends.

Now I have to assume my place and my crown because I'm now the most powerful vampire of the continent and trust me it's the worst thing ever.

That's also why I live alone, I need space. I need land and forest to hunt and a large room for blood bottles. Quite scary for humans when they see this place.

"Mylady?"

My hand maid was pretty quiet but I heard her heartbeat from her room.

"Yes Clara?" I ask her calmly. I don't turn myself to her, I want to see the sun disappear behind the woods.

"Here's your drink. Your favorite."

I finally turned and faced her. She's pretty with her brown hair and eyes. She worked for me for the last 4 years. She always seems scared of me and I understand her. I let her have the space she needs and hold out my hand to grab the glass. It's warm. Perfect.

"Thanks you."

"I wanted to tell you that Mr Stark called a few times. He wants to see you to discuss the contract for your investments."

"You can call him back and say that I'll call him in 30 minutes."

She nods her head and leaves. If Stark is interested in my money, I have to find something in exchange. It's about time that I need a new assistant and after my research he has one that I might be interested in. She's called Romanoff. Natalia Alianovna Romanov. She seems to have a mysterious past but I have ressources and I will find who she is.

I raise my glass to my lips and start drinking. It's AB+ type blood, it's the sweetest one but the hardest to find. My teeth grew longer as I continued to drink. Without seeing myself in a mirror I know that my eyes turned red. I have a better vision when they turn red. I saw more little things like some crows in the middle of the woods or my cat hiding at the bottom of my garden. A human can't even know that there are crows on branches. With my overdeveloped eyesight and hearing nothing can pass through me.

I decided to go change in my room to meet Stark. Not like I'm going to meet him in reality but I have to be prepared for the videoconference. I leave my glass in the kitchen and I climb the stairs to find my closet. My clothes are either red or black. I never wear another color.

I chose a black corset and a black blazer. My pants are already black so I'm not gonna change. I take a quick shower and redo my makeup. I concentrate to let my eyes become grey again and get my teeth back to normal.

I look at myself in my mirror and let my hair behind my back. I look confident in these clothes. It's what I have to be if I want to work with Stark.

I make my way to my office. This place is my favorite. It has large windows with a view on my front garden and all of my flowers. Red roses. Pretty logical.

I start my computer and all of the high tech that I need. The light dashboard is for now the only source of light of the room. I can see in the dark but I'm not sure Tony Stark does the same.

The different screens are now on and the office is very bright. I still turned on some leds around me. I placed myself in front of my camera and I started to strum on my virtual keyboard.

I called Clara over and heard her quickly running. Her heartbeat starts to go faster and she enters my office without an expression on her face. I rolled my eyes on her.

"You didn't have to run so fast" I said to her.

"I don't want you to wait when you call me"

She said that with her little voice, she looks like a child when she speaks like this.

"It's okay if I wait, I have plenty of times"

Bad jokes on my immortality makes her smile, that's all I wanted.

"I need to know if Stark is ready for our meeting" I said when I heard my alarm "I think I have my answer now, you can leave Clara. No disturbances during the meeting."

"Of course Mylady"

As she walked away and closed the doors behind her I sat and answered the video. 

"Miss Von Ellshy. A pleasure to finally meet you. Even if it's not in person"

Tony Stark is how we described it to me, black short hair, a short beard and a light heart on his chest. I know he's kind and respectful to the people he likes, that's why, for once, I have a real interest in him and his company.

"It's a pleasure for me too Mr Stark. I heard so much about you lately"

"In good I hope"

No one has something bad to say about him. He saved the world so many times.

"Of course in good. I hope you receive my email with the contract that I sent you"

"Yes I received it and it's quite complete. I only have one question tho"

"I'm listening"

What is it about? I wrote every single part on this and I don't talk about my interest in his assistant yet. But I'm listening because maybe it's really important.

"You don't write down the amount of money you want to give to my industry"

"I give you the sum you want Mr Stark"

Money is the only thing that I can't count in my bank account. Over the years I have accumulated an amount of money, enough not to be counted. If he wants a billion I would give him a billion. If he wants more I give him more.

"I can't decide for you about your money" Tony accentuated the fact that this was my money.

"How much do you need then? I gladly give you one billion if you need it. It's been a long time since I invested in a company and I don't know now how much people needs to create great thing like you"

"This is a huge sum but I can't deny it. I'll never be so thankful for that Miss Von Ellshy"

His face is really sincere. I'm glad he agreed with me.

"Please call me Belladonna. It's really a pleasure to help you Mrs Stark"

"Call me Tony then. I will organize an evening tomorrow night. It would be a pleasure to see you there"

"Yes of course I can be there. What time?"

"Whenever you want. It will start around 8p.m"

I nod my head and say goodbye to Tony. I rang up the videoconference and stood up. My hands are still on the board as I replay the scene in my head.

I did it. I accomplished the dream of my daughter. She loved space and everything about it. And now I invested in one of the biggest company of superheroes.

I did it for you Juniper.

#fanfic #marvel #natasha romanoff #belladonna #vampire #smut

[changingplumbob]

Chopra Household: Chapter 4, Part 4

Final part of the Chopra household is done! Highlights include Rahul catching someone playing where they shouldn't, both toddlers revealing new quirks, Alexander Goth visiting and a vampire that burns without burning…

Savannah can talk now but Mercedes is still getting there. Cassandra is working on gaining a promotion for her New Years resolution. I switched off animal aging to help my chickens but when turning it back on havoc has struck.

TW: Death of sims chicken because the game code hates me

Cassandra still hasn't completed her resolution of getting a promotion. She needs to increase her charisma and fame level so today she'll be spending plenty of time with the mirror.

Mercedes: Sa see mama

Savannah: Mama in bedroom

Mercedes: papa

Savannah: Papa in garden

Mercedes: Mama soon we see

The twins go to Cassandra who is closer (not sooner Mercedes). Mercedes is fascinated by all the words her mama is using but Savannah used her diaper in the night and needs a bath. Rahul leaves the garden half done to come help. Mercedes sits down and plays with the blocks where she can see mama.

Mercedes enjoys spending time with Cassandra, being clingy she feels safest when a parent is near. Too soon Savannah has finished her bath and Rahul comes to get Mercedes for hers. Cassandra doesn't have work so when Mercedes is convinced she's not going away today she lets her papa pick her up.

Savannah Loves Sounds and has been drawn to the lounge to listen to kids radio. She might dance later but now enjoys listening. Mercedes having finished her bath goes to ask Cassandra for attention. Rahul has headed outside to finish tending the garden so there's no one to stop her.

Grimm: Floofy?

Floofy: Are you sure you're not looking for my mother, Mrs Feathers

Grimm: Says Floofy here

Floofy: But I hatched at the end of last rotation, this can't be right!

Grimm: Sorry, take it up with the bug report team

Floofy: You serious?

Grimm: Come along, we'll get lettuce

Floofy: Fine, but only because these sims can't grow lettuce

Cassandra decides to have a quick break from working on her charisma to help Mercedes learn some new words. She learns words such as love, hug and snuggle which she starts using immediately. Cassandra also helps her practice saying her sisters name properly, as well as Uncle Alexander and Milton.

Exciting news, Savannah has discovered a new toy. A bowl of splishy splashy water located at perfect height for a toddler. She goes to town splashing around and giggling when she hears

Rahul: What the heck are you doing

Savannah: Fun papa. I go splash spalsh. Fun. You join

Rahul: Not in the toilet

Savannah: Why

Rahul: It's disgusting. That's where mama and I potty. You'll get covered in germs

Savannah: Germs

Rahul: You'll be yuck and ew

Savannah: *grumpy* I not want be yuck papa

Rahul: Then stop playing in the toilet honeybee

Savannah: *whines* But it fun

Rahul: Savannah, don't do it again

The girls spend the afternoon playing with more appropriate things, books and toys. Rahul spends some time with the remaining chickens. We still have Cluckton, Feathers, Squidge and Snuggles who has grown into a brown hen. I won't switch off animal aging again considering how much trouble I've had with it restarting.

Cassandra levels up her charisma shortly after dinner. Working with both twins at potty time she helps them reach level 2, meaning they'll be able to try by themselves now! She gets them o bed while Rahul continues working on the puzzle. I'm happy to see it's improving his logic as well as his mood.

Cassandra: I think I'll be in line for promotion if I can just get my fame up

Rahul: And then

Cassandra: Another kid? I know the girls were just born but-

Rahul: They're 3

Cassandra: Wow that went fast

Rahul: So we can woohoo without protection again

Cassandra: YES! Let's do it

Cassandra is awoken by a notification that a new chick is ready to hatch. She goes and shoos the hens off the nests so she can help the chick. Ta da! It's a hen chick that I've named Floofy jr. Pictures cannot accurately portray how much she jumps and flaps around the yard, it's so cute!

Rahul: You're having cake for breakfast

Cassandra: I'm appreciating how hard you and the bees worked to make it, and then I'll do yoga

Rahul: The foodie in me approves of cake

Cassandra: Oh Alexander said he might come visit but I'm not sure if it'll be before my shift

Rahul: No worries, the girls will love it whenever

The twins sleep in and have a later potty time and breakfast. Savannah is a Heavy Sleeper, content to sleep forever. Mercedes Loves Wakeup Time so she wakes happy.

Mercedes: Mama

Cassandra: Yes little ladybug

Mercedes: We play fun

Cassandra: With dolls

Mercedes: No. Mama pin me round hi hi fass

Roughhouse play jumps in the action queue as it is revealed Mecedes final quirk is aggressive! Apparently, she can bite and hit without being angry, but is unlikely to do it to her friends. She only has friends so we might need to meet new sims to test. Rahul helps Savannah learn basic needs

After Rahul is satisfied Savannah understands what a toilet is and why you don't play with them there's a noise outside, Alexander is here! Savannah is first to greet him, if a little nervously. He's not seen them since they aged up to toddlers but she can still recognise him. After babbling, hugs.

Next Mercedes comes out to greet her Uncle. Savannah leaves and goes to play on their outdoor toys. Seeing an opportunity Mercedes asks Alexander if he'll play. After a bit of ruff and tumble play he figures she's just enthusiastic, very enthusiastic. Uncomfortable hurt moodlet anyone?

Rahul: You good buddy

Alexander: Not really. I miss mum and my brother is with-

Rahul: Dina

Alexander: She called the boy Mortimer

Rahul: Creepy

Alexander: She sends baby pics to show the lawyers she's keeping contact, I'm getting sick of it

Rahul: Come help me finish this puzzle, it's Whalebert

Alexander leaves and Rahul makes cottage pie for dinner. The girls bob away to the radio happily before having dinner and an early night. Cassandra arrives home exhausted but has reached B-lister status. With all requirements met will she get that desired promotion before the rotation ends? Hope so

Mr Cluckton welcomes everyone to Friday bright and early, much to the annoyance of his coop family. While Cassandra jogs, Rahul gardens and the twins play. An odd thought bubble catches my attention. Far away this vampire is standing burning in the sun. She doesn't die. She doesn't flee. The heck?

The day carries on normally while I periodically check in on the burning vampire who doesn't die. Alexander pops round again and helps Mercedes reach level 2 thinking. Savannah reaches level 3 thinking and movement. Cassandra heads off for work confident and determined to get that promotion.

Both girls get bubble baths before Rahul gets stuck in on dinner. Sir you have two toddlers, STOP throwing the KNIFE! Rahul is low on some things so he orders a delivery. This time it's not Urszula, it's a teen. Rahul gives him a tip remembering his past job fondly.

Mercedes and Savannah are busy playing when Rahul calls them for dinner. Thankfully Mercedes is sensible and does use the chair that's right beside the table. Savannah still prefers to travel to the lounge to eat, best not argue with a fussy toddler. When they're in bed Rahul starts a new puzzle.

All toddlers, chickens and adults are asleep. Spring nears its end and the Chopra rotation closes. Cassandra did get that promotion though, now officially an Instrumental Wonder.

Previous Part ... Next Part (Pancakes)

#sims 4 #the sims 4 #the sims #Roatation7 #ChangingPlumbobStorytime #CassandraChopra #RahulChopra #SavannahChopra #MercedesChopra #AlexanderGoth #R0704

[eclipsewxtch]

Hello, it's me again! But this time, I'm just asking questions about things that I noticed in Kill of the Night, it's okay if you can't answer!

1.Do the boys will also have backstories? (Billy, Vance and Robin) or we'll be more focused on the other boys?

2. Bruce has mommy issues in this fic? In chapter 8:

Finney walks in after, rushing to Bruce’s side, “Oh Brucie— are you okay?” Bruce inhales after the first pump, and licks his dry lips. “Not really.” “What happened?” “Nightmare.” “A case? Your mom?” “Red.” Bruce snorts, “I dreamed I was the bird in the box. All flayed alive, and empty blood and no muscles and just a skin cage with a tiny little heart inside.”

3. About Evan, I think I'll wait a little more until I make an atual theory, he's only been mentioned like 3 times. But I just want to say that it's giving me Betty/James/Augustine (Evan/Griffin/Billy), and if Evan and Griffin are dating (highly doubt it) I'll feel bad for shipping Showstagg and start questioning Griffy's fidelity because damn this is the second time Griffin cheats (flirting can be count as cheating right?) in your fics to be with Billy. Griffin is either incapable of staying loyal or Billy is just that hot. But either way Griffin is just to bbg for me to clearly judge anything he do

4. We'll see more of Charlie? Like in the present, not just possible flashbacks from other past. I'm just so curious about him and the relationship he has with each of the angels. He seems like a sweetheart

5. You said in one of the replys in the comments that Donna would be more important on the second part of the story. Is this about her thing with Finney or she's going to be important to other thing?

6. Gwen and Finn relationship seems a bit rocky, or is just me? Anyway they still seems to be ride or die for each other which is good.

7. If you could go with emotion, balances and logic to describe the ghost boys, how would you categorized? (For me it's Griffy and Billy logic, Robin and Bruce balanced and Finney and Vance emotion)

8. Will Bruce have a second possible pairing? Like for Griffin we have Evan and for Finney we have Donna

9. It's rare the moments that we got from the others boys perspective (Vance, Robin and Billy), do we ever will get a chapter that's fully just the boys perspective? I don't really mind either way

10. Could you give a tiny bitty spoiler about when the other boys (Vance, Billy and Robin) will figured it out that the Angels know each other and live together, like, if they are gossiping about Billy's life occurrences how did Billy didn't mention that one time that he took Dylan home? Vance is literally STALKING Bruce how they did not connect the dots? When are they going to start suspecting each other (but well, 22 is a rather young age to be in the FBI so I can let they pass this one)?

11. This one is rather silly, but what are Lenny's intention? Like does he like Griffin? Was he physically attracted to him and then later realized they were better off as friends? What does he think of Billy? He just seems like a very mature person to me, and I would like to see more of him.

Really sorry about the long ask, it wasn't suposed to be this long, but I got worked up. Take your time to update! And feel free to not answer this questions if you don't feel like it! I can understand that my questions can be a little overwhelming.

(Ps: You literally made me start seeing Griffin as a siren, like if he were a mythological being I would chose mermaid because in your fics he's just so artistic and attractive - not just appearance - that he must be a siren or something like that. He sings, he loves attention and having people on his finger, and the general headcanon that the fandom has about him only made me headcanon even more)

wowowow!! hi again!! i’m gonna answer this one by one lol

1. the boys all have backstories!

2. Bruce has mommy issues in every fic of mine😭 sorry in advance

3. Evan is semi-important later on, and make as many theories as u want! one of them might be right ;)

4. Definitely more Charlie! (There’s a Charlie POV coming up way later in the story) he’s more important to Griffin’s storyline. And the overall plot.

5. Another thing

6. They’re rocky but def ride-or-die. Siblings are strange.

7. in this fic: ur correct! bruce and robin are more balanced — finney and vance are more emotional — griffin and billy are more logic based.

8. bruce won’t have a second pairing and neither does finney technically. donna isn’t a love interest for finney at any point except for like that offhand mention in chapter one? i think it was.

9. yes yes yes — there will be chapters that are primarily from ONE person’s pov i just tend to switch it around so no one is bored.

10. the other boys will figure it out around chapter 15-16? OUR boys figure it out around 17-19. and chapters 20-?? are the aftermath of that discovery. vance is straight up stalking bruce but from his perspective bruce is alex — and alex has an entirely new identity (created by donna) so vance knows NOTHING abt bruce-bruce if that makes sense? billy has mentioned it (this comes up later sorry for the spoiler) but vance straight up doesn’t care😭 robin is the only one that paid attention to the detail but billy didn’t exactly give out addresses. just that he dropped “dylan” off (but to be fair— billy mostly talked abt him getting to touch “dylan’s” thigh)

11. lenny has good intentions. or does he? no i’m kidding he does…. maybe. he and griffin/dylan aren’t romantically involved but lenny is very enthralled by griff (who wouldn’t be that man is so attractive) and thinks of him fondly.

12. griffin is TOTALLY a siren

#the black phone #tbpfics #eclipse gets a hold of tumblr and doesn’t know when to shut the fuck up

[dojae-huh]

A snack track for Jaehyun's solo song

220805 - Jaehyun is shooting an MV for his upcoming solo song (NCT Lab project) and gets a coffee truck from Sabujak - DoWoo.

The upper banner reads 도도한 재현이 정말 귀여워

(Chic/dashing Jaehyun is really cute)

The first syllables make 도재정 - DoJaeJung

The picture used is of Jaehyun hugging Doyoung and Jungwoo for NR photoshoot.

A Korean fan noted that the same truck was rented to support Hee Soo (Doyoung's co-star of "To X who doesn't love me"). The actress is not from SM.

It's clear that it was Doyoung who ordered the truck.

He is the neo who always knows who does what, everyone's schedule. It's him who sends fruit baskets to sick members and drink/food support to MCing or performing neos.

He is the neo who was present on the set of "To X who doesn't love me to try the snacks" from Caferun food truck and write down the site of the company.

Jungwoo isn't a person to remember about contacting others and keeping promises (without a set date) when he is busy. Many neos complained he offers to eat together and never invites them later.

From the story about the first two foodtruck for Jaehyun we know that Jungwoo was, perhaps, the only neo who actually contributed. He helped Doyoung to choose pictures and come up with a funny message. I feel like the message this time is also his creation, but it was Doyoung who wanted to incorporate DoJaeJung (It is Doyoung who used this abbreviation for the trio in lives, and he likes to use first syllables of names in general. Koreans make abbreviations for everything).

"Forever only, one and only, Jeong Jaehyun" - that's very Doyoung style. It's not the first time he assures Jaehyun that he is "the one".

Did Jungwoo contribute money? Probably not. Jaehyun is a hyung to him. Plus Doyoung "Young money" always pays for everyone and everything.

Now, was Jungwoo invited for a cover up only or did he ask to be included? I'd say the first, but let's wait for the story, how Woo will explain it. I don't think he'll boast at length about it unless he genuinely was involved.

Here is a thing, DoWoo are a working unit, they don't plan stuff together. JaeWoo can prepare something for fun (6:44), but not DoWoo. If Doyoung wanted to send a joined food truck for his maknae, it would have been more logical to ask the hyung line, especially Taeyong who wants to pamper Jaehyun-ie. Jungwoo, however, is the number one neo who helps JaeDo with cover ups. The cucumber challenge, the roommates lore, DoWoo and JaeWoo on a date, hyping DoTae as a married couple, etc - Jungwoo is ready to help.

When Jungwoo joined, it wasn't only Doyoung who helped Jungwoo. Jaehyun did it less, but he tried (he bothered because he is Do's vice, he pays attention to those to whom Do pays attention first). Jack&Rose helped Woo's popularity very well. DoJaeJung had a lot of joined photosets and joined content. The popular members attracted attention to the newcomer. Their welcoming of him and praise helped fans to like him as well.

"Sabujak brothers" name was invented by fans, but it was Doyoung who turned it into a brand. Not all neos advertise their good relationship (Taeil andTaeyong (2Tae as they call themselves), for example, or Taeil and Yuta the forever roommates (the married couple of 30 years as neos call them)).

Yes, Doyoung isn't ready to send support to Jaehyun solo yet. But you can't deny his wittiness and effectiveness. With one truck he: 1) told Jaehyun "you are one and only", 2) showed what a great attentive friend Jungwoo is, 3) showed how loved Jaehyun is by other members (a food truck from all neos the first time, a food truck from two neos the second time), 4) strenghtened Sabujak and DoJaeJung brands.

As MCs DoWoo don't work well together, Jaehyun can't really do fanservice with Jungwoo, Jungwoo gets irritated with both, but in the eyes of the fans they make a great unit.

Fans don't ask for TaeDoHyuk, despite both hyungs spoiling the maknae with expensive gifts (ipad, sneakers) and Hyuk cooking for the hyungs and playing video-games with Tae. 2Dongs tell they are brothers and many still believe they really dislike each other because they routinely bicker on camera. 2Dongs is about frenemies, it's not sweet Sabujak.

#JHDY2022 #I'll be your morning star #just give it give it give it #foggy green

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi Charity! I was wondering if some of these things could be explained/caused by certain cognitive functions and enneagram:

1. (This happened not once but this incident stood out to me and kind of explains how I approach a lot of this in real life, not only games) Some time ago, I was playing a game with a friend where he was holding around 4 or 5 cards, and my objective was to either draw a card of which he was thinking of. Instead of "going with the gut feeling", I analyzed the position of the cards - usually three steps ahead - an obvious decoy card, a card which falls second under suspicion, the one which is "hidden" (and draws attention to itself the most, just like the first "decoy" card that is right in your face) and one/two seemingly "normal positioned" ones. It was like I was testing multiple theories of assigning each card the designated role, and then picking out the scenario which seemed more plausible and made the most sense. In the end, I won all the rounds in this game and my friend was amazed about how I managed to do it, and I still don't know if it was just pure luck (maybe to a degree?). I was thinking if it could be a result of some cognitive function showing off their skills, haha.

2. I often operate on the same "scheme" in my everyday life, if it makes sense - taking in something new, seeing what it presents to me and what valuable information I can draw out of it to act in a situation or to jist have something available to me. Sometimes I ask my friends and acquaintances some bold/controversial questions it's not that I am interested in *just* what they say - I look to how they say it and how their words conflict with what they actually mean/want to say. My friend once asked if I really expect them to answer them in full honesty - and I really don't, I just want to see their reaction, id they would lie or tell the truth, what emotion they would visibly express to me. Still, I tend to hold people accountable for their words alone, no "sparing" people from their words and actions just because I have a logical understanding why they said/did something. Sometimes people says that I come across as someone very indifferent. 

3. I can't stand when people complain that they aren't going to be able to get through something (like a task) or panic that something might happen even if there is no basis for this fear. It feels like people drown themselves in that negativity and excuse it as being "realistic", and in the end they succumb to their negativity and have this "told you I'd fail" attitude. Honestly, sometimes I think that you need to lie to yourself to get through something difficult. When I am working on a difficult project, I usually tell myself that I am the coolest and everything will be okay, and I can't let myself rest until I am finished, because I feel like if I take a break, I might also fall into those negative thoughts about maybe not being able to do it, and that I don't have the abilities to make sure that my work is done perfectly etc. I really don't see the point of constantly mentioning that you are going to fail to other people. I get if someone needs reassurance and support but I think that moping about it in holes that someone will notice your sadness and comfort you is very weird yet extremely common.

Thank you! I hope you have a good day! :)

Sounds like ISTP and a positive Enneagram type, or at least one who has an adjacent tendency toward self doubt (maybe 7w6?). You're analyzing, breaking things down, processing, but also looking for sensory reactions and living in the moment. You like to stay in motion to avoid negativity and self-doubt -- running toward doing things to avoid the thoughts that come upon you when you are sitting still.

#question #mbti

[aaliawrites]

Circling and Contact and meditation, as practices for amplifying what's there.

An observation ; after spending 4 months this year living in village / a small town island populations, at simplicity and community and kindness and back-to-earth realities taking precedence

There is a difference in the warmth of connection upon meeting strangers.

#1 . City folks live / speak from their heads. And they love a good fight.

(I call them this because this is where I see this behavior / mode the most. But I mean those in any locale who live their days planned in their phones, are caught up in the importance of work, who do not know how to slow down, who don't reflect or meditate, who watch news, movies, who gossip over celebrities, politicians, those who are engrossed in everyday dramas and thereby waste their life force).

They like for there to be an "other" to be against, to blame, to formulate a black and white story, for why they are uncomfortable with an inner tension that needs to be sat with and acknowledged and released.

I watched in circling today as a woman beside me went from attention seeker to smiling while saying harmful things "it feels good saying it", "digging to fight" energy, claiming she liked the sensation, that she wants to "drop deep" and can't do that if she doesn't know me, the newcomer / outsider to the circle.

Yet, fighting doesn't equal connection.

It can uproot towards an eventual truth revealed, but it isn't cause to want to establish this.

I saw in her a mirror, where others, myself included, have craved connection and instead of reaching out with soft hands, perhaps sad eyes, and an open heart, chose anger to deflect.

Without having opening to me, my once curiousity in her shut down. Her guardedness threw up my guardedness, and the energy formulated as I watched us both rail at misunderstanding one oher, missing the boats.

I spoke to how her angry cut to my aquantaince beside me about her disconnection from him was soothed by his simple question, "would you like to connect more later?" Him, a connection and repair break up coach.

How simple it really is, when we allow ourselves to just ask for what we desire, rather than make up stories and dismiss the other as "not for me," avoiding the nuance of inner shadow.

I and others could feel incongruence between her sweet smile, "I don't care" attitude and assumptions she was throwing like knives at others (her earring on my side, was a knife), a slippery slope energy, nothing to hold on to.

Two other men, in a second round, opened up beautifully, emotionally, somatically, with presence, and I wanted to explore their worlds a lot more.

Instant connection and trust built by revealing themselves ~ A Contact Facilitator and a zen meditator.

A vibe that shifted waves in my head, of resonance from the truth and sweetness of what was shared.

Deep, going somewhere. Worlds to explore.

Nuanced in what it means to be with, and to be.

A woman interrupted their flow for a side track on perception of another. The next few minutes a divergence that felt annoying, like someone making small talk in an important moment.

Zen guy and I made eye contact and spoke to her about it, "I couldn't quite follow any of what you were saying".

I wanted to burst, the compulsion from my throat and body leaning forward.

I do say it.

"There's levels I am noticing from being in contact and circling, and I have noticed it before.

#1. There's head speak - city person, logical, facts, observations, (small talk vibe that doesn't go much anywhere and feels "up here" mental).

(My body resists this and I notice I start wanting to stretch, yawn, look away, or meditate. It happens more and more these days, which is also why I avoid most groups. Perhaps this is a realm of why I feel to diagnose Add. The deep drop doesn't often happen in listening quality in most everyday intractions.)

#2. Then there's connection in presence - allowing what is, between two or more people, emotions, uncovering, a viel pulled away to reveal a truth.

This feels like landing in your body. My heart opens in compassion hearing something. A nod.

It feels like truth. I want more.

#3. Then there's the unity of the field - in contact, in meditation, in circling - it's what's being created together by us in the now.

It needs guidance and leading as a soft nudge to carry on, but it doesn't need controlling.

It's part magic, part spiritual, and it needs our engagement to be a full phenomenon.

Usually followed by a silence of being.

Beyond comprehension, beyond describable words after.

Rare.

What we ultimately are living and looking for.

Depth of being."

__

I said this in some messier way that didn't quite land with the entire group.

A humanly effort to articulate the meaning.

Truth doesn't have to be heard by all at once, only those in the field ready for it to sink in, if only, for a moment.

I was called judgemental.

Yes, I greed.

I don't wish want to foster head-speak connections for too long these days.

I am interested in connecting with others on level 2 & 3.

(Exception is humour. Silly humour always).

Our time and head space are some of the most valuable real estate we own.

In material world that real estate is land.

In spiritual world it's freedom and quality of precense.

In mental world it's your attention and wisdom (not knowledge).

At these levels, great compassion, resilience, and universality of the human experience reigns.

Some got it (the contact facilitator asked questions and zen meditator, who physically shook it off).

Other women told me their inner dragon wanted to come out, some part of them triggered by my use of the words "city person", and that I wasn't "owning it".

"What is there to own?" I replied.

A witch hunt over articulation, them missing the point.

The truth doesn't need owning.

It just is.

It requires setting fire to what's no longer working.

In women (often, not the rule), it requires feeling and seeing the unseen.

In men (often, not the rule) it requires eagle-like witnessing, stability in precense.

Both are magnetic to be around and don't require us to "do" so much, as it's felt.

This requires somatic embodiment and attunment to the instrument that you are, to subtle energetic shifts in yourself and others, ready to name the un-nameable, regardless of acquiescing others fight or flight responses.

Calling us deeper into connection with ourselves, and perhaps, hopefully, with others.

To see it for what it is, the skin of it.

Acceptance of what is here and allowing it to be.

You do not have to speak to be understood by everyone in the room.

You speak to have the present expression shared through you, and the right people who are present in the room, will get it.

You speak to come home to yourself.

(Circling, Canada, August 2023)

#circling #authenticrelating