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wantstoflyafraidtofall · 3 years

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Go read on Ao3

“You and Cas should do something for Valentines Day.”

Sam’s words took Dean by surprise causing him to ram his shoulder into the doorframe to their motel room. Cas was still out at the car, relieving a small amount of awkwardness for Dean, but only small.

After getting Cas back from the empty, Dean had owned up to his own feelings for the now ex-angel and what started as a new, tentative relationship, became a fierce and proud love between the two. They decided that they didn’t have to do many “couple-y things'' since they had a solid twelve years of history behind them, but they share a room at the bunker and the lingering touches and stares have only become more frequent and their meanings much more known.

Jack popped by every once in a while when he wasn’t busy with his new god stuff, and Dean has to admit, he enjoys that the kid sticks around. Jack tells him that he is always there with them, even if he can’t be seen, but he has found that humans prefer physical things to talk to rather than a being “in every atom in the multiverse.”

(continues bellow cut)

Despite all under worldly and heavenly disputes on Earth being cleaned up, the supernatural word is very much alive. The treo goes on plenty of run of the mill hunts when they pop up close to the bunker, like the vamp case they’re on now.

Dean tosses his duffle on the closest bed, scoffing. “Oh sure, Sam. I’ll make sure to draw him a heart with our initials with some extra vamp blood.”

He doesn’t need to look at Sam to feel his eye roll. “Dean, we both know that this will be a quick hunt. Instead of getting wasted at a local bar you could do something nice with Cas, he would like it.”

“Fine, I’ll think about it, bitch.”

“Jerk.”

Sam did have a good point. Cas loves all that sappy, romantic crap(and Dean will never admit that he loves it too) and would be overjoyed to do something with Dean on Valentines Day. Maybe he should make some plans.

~~~~~

Almost as soon as the last vampire slumped to the floor, its decapitated head rolling to a stop a few feet away, Sam locked eyes with Dean, shoo-ing him and Cas out of the warehouse where the vamps had made their nest while assuring them he could clean everything up.

Dean helped Sam get everything he needed from the Impala’s trunk and into the rental car that had chosen to drive. Cas had already seated himself in the passenger seat of the impala and bucked in by the time Dean was ready to head out.

“Why are we… what are we doing?” Cas asked, tilting his head in confusion.

“You’ll see, but first, showers.”

~~~~~

Dean showered first(and alonse, much to Cas’s disappointment) so he could get ready while Cas took his. He rushed around the small motel room, gathering all the things he had managed to prepare when Cas wouldn’t notice and put it in the trunk. He felt like vibrating out of his skin with a mix of excitement and nervousness.

The feeling only grew when Cas stepped out of the bathroom, half naked except the towel wrapped loosely around his waist and smiling. Dean told him to hurry and get dressed, not wanting to waste any more time. Once they both were ready, Dean ushered Cas to the car, ignoring his boyfriends queries.

Cas finally had given up asking what was going on and instead hummed along to the radio, looking out the window at the small town as they passed through. Dean eventually pulled up to a park, surprisingly large for such a small town but still nice. Cas remained silent with his questions, only raising a quizzical eyebrow when Dean glanced his way.

He parked Baby, grabbing the blanket and basket from the trunk and carrying it in one hand, holding out his other for Cas to take. The way Castiel smiled at him made his nervousness fade into the background. It was filled with warmth and adoration, making Dean’s cheeks flush and his stomach flutter. He didn’t need to feel worried because Cas was going to like this. He loves Dean, he loves going to parks and being in nature, he will love this too.

Dean led them through the park until they found a nice grassy spot under the shade of a tall oak tree. He laid out the blue, plaid blanket on the ground, flattening out the wrinkles with his hands before setting the basket in the center and beconing Cas to sit with him. He opened the basket, pulling out some sandwiches and fruit, as well as half an apple pie, and spread it between them on the blanket.

“You wanted to take me on a picnic?” Cas asked.

Heat flooded Dean’s face, “Yeah, well, I-I, uh, it’s valentine's day and I just thought, you know…” He trailed off, looking down at the grass with embarrassment.

Cas reached a hand to Dean’s jaw, tipping it up to make him look him in the eyes before kissing him sweetly.

“It’s wonderful, Dean. Thank you.”

“Of course, Cas. I love you.” He replied, the words familiar on his tongue yet still bringing a new rush of warmth in his chest.

“I love you too.”

They sat under the tree, eating sandwiches, sweet fruits, and delicious apple pie, Cas telling Dean all about oak trees and the different flowers growing in the small garden beds scattered around the park. The feeling of peace and calm Dean had been getting used to seeped into his bones, letting him let go of his worries and smile at the man he loves, listening to a once powerful Angel of the Lord ramble about aster and azalea.

It fills Dean with endless euphoria to know that he can have this life, a life he never thought he would be able to have. And against all odds, he got it. He got Cas, the biggest win he could ever dream of.

~~~Tag list(feel free to ask to be added)~~~

@kinda-not-really-vibing, @i-dont-even-wanna-know , @chris-krat

#destiel #fanfic #deancas #my writing #supernatural #spn #valentines day fic #spn fic #dean winchester #castiel #fluff #cute #destiel fic #destiel fanfic #deancas fic #deancas fanfic

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tomsnovia · 4 years

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As Long As You’re Happy - G.D.

Y/N POV

It was my first flight back to LA after being with my family for just a little over three months. Spending the holidays back at home was always something that I looked forward to every year. Now that I live thousands of miles away from home I try to take times like these to my advantage to catch up with my family and finally just spend time with everyone. But at this point I was ready to go home. Back to the warm and sunny Los Angeles. Back to the little friends that I have made throughout my couple of years being there. Back to my tall, handsome, 200 pound beefy boyfriend, Grayson Dolan.

Today was Valentine’s Day. A day where everyone is supposed to celebrate their relationships with their significant others. I never really cared for this day. I mean I did spend a good portion of my life single but that is besides the point. Valentines Day was just another day for me up until last year. Last Valentines Day I finally got to experience what all the hype is about. And lucky for me it just so happened to be with someone like Grayson.

A couple of years ago I moved to LA to finally be able to pursue my dreams. Sure I was just barely getting started in the YouTube business but I felt like I was finally at a point in my career where I could potentially live off of the earnings that I made through the platform. My family supported me of course. My parents being more than willing to help aid me in anything financially if I needed (thank the lord). But I took this as an opportunity to finally live my life the way that I wanted. To finally be out in the world as a strong, independent woman (even though I am still technically a teenager).

The first few months of me being in LA went by pretty smooth. I finally met up with some fellow content creators who I have grown fairly close to in such a short amount of time. But this one day.. Whew! This one day is where everything changed for me.

*flashback*

I had gotten invited to a little celebration dinner by my friend Kyle Houck. He had been working on a project with a few of his friends for about a month or so. Kyle and I hadn’t really talked to each other for a while prior to this invitation just because he had been so busy with helping a couple of people film for their channel. So I had absolutely no idea what this celebration dinner was for or why he even invited me.

I of course accepted (mainly because I had absolutely no plans that night other than to lay in bed and watch Netflix or whatever) and found myself dressing semi formal for the occasion. Kyle kept the details very vague. He just told me to dress “kinda fancy but like not too fancy”.

As soon as Kyle picked me up we wasted no time catching up with each other. I asked him what he had been up to and what he had been working on for the past month and he very excitedly told me that it was a documentary for his friends’ father. His friends who just so happened to be The Dolan Twins.

When I heard about the big project I felt.. a lot of things. One: Stoked and proud of Kyle. Two: like an absolute idiot that I had no knowledge of his relationship with a couple of very successful creators. I mean Kyle was my best friend.. How long was it since we last talked?.. Was I really living under a rock? UGH.

Once we finally arrived we met up with everyone who took part of the documentary.

“Hi,” I said as Kyle and I approached the twins.

“Hey guys, this is Y/N. She’s my friend from back home who I’ve been talking about,” Kyle said.

“Oh right! We heard a lot about you! It’s nice to finally put a face to a name,” Ethan chuckled. “Im Ethan,” he said pulling me into a hug.

“I’m Y/N, it’s nice to meet you,” I smiled hugging him back. The moment I let go of the hug my eyes immediately laid on what I believed to be one of the most beautiful human beings I have ever seen in my entire life. You know- not to be dramatic or anything..

“I’m Grayson,” he said also pulling me into a hug.

“It’s nice to meet you both. Congratulations on the documentary!” I said as we all made our way to the table. I sat next to Kyle, Grayson immediately sitting to my left. Ethan walked over to the other side of the table and sat next to a really pretty girl.

“I’m sorry I couldn't make it to the premier.. I didn't know that was a thing,” I said fixing my vision on Kyle.

“Im sorry! I completely forgot to mention it, my mind went straight to dinner” Kyle chuckled. I smiled and shook my head.

“So how have you been? How do you like LA so far?” Kyle asked as he took a sip of his drink.

“Uh.. well you know, its going okay I guess,” I shrugged. I had only been in LA for a couple of months and this technically is my first outing. I hadn't had much time to get out there because of all the unpacking, and my new found responsibilities taking over my life.

“If Im being honest, this is my first time actually going out since I moved in,” I said as I looked at the menu.

“No kidding?” Kyle asked.

“Kyle, you’re my only friend out here and you’ve been busy this whole time,” I chuckled.

“Fair enough,” he smiled. I skimmed over the menu trying to decide what I wanted to eat. For some reason my appetite completely vanished the second Kyle and I stepped foot into the restaurant.

I’ve never really been good at the whole socializing aspect of life. Being antisocial is sorta my cup of tea.

I sat there in silence, using the menu as an excuse for me not to talk. I was actually pretty focused until Grayson spoke up.

“So where are you from?” He asked as he put his menu down looking at me. If I’m being honest, the moment I made eye contact with Grayson my heart started to beat so fucking fast. His face lit perfectly despite the dim lighting in the restaurant. The way his hair slowly fell down the sides of his face when he would run his fingers through it. Oh what I would do to run my fingers through-

“Washington State,” I said quickly snapping out of my thoughts. “I just moved here a couple of weeks ago.”

“Oh wow! So you’re pretty new to the area?” He asked.

“Yeah.. which is why I haven't really had a chance to go out until tonight. I don’t know anyone besides Kyle here,” I chuckled.

Grayson smiled and nodded. “Well now you know me!”

_______________________________

The whole dinner went smoother than I thought it would. Grayson was very outgoing and easy to talk to and having Kyle there next to me helped ease the little tension I felt occasionally. The dinner was finally coming to an end and we were all getting ready to head home.

“Hey, what're you doing tomorrow?” Grayson asked looking down at me as we both stood up. I quickly took out my phone to check the date.

“Um.. nothing I guess?” I said looking up at him. “I’m most likely gonna end up unpacking some more stuff.”

“You want some help? We can go out to get some breakfast before or something?..”

YES ARE YOU KIDDING ME? PLEASE LETS-

“Sure!” I smiled up at him. “Is 9 o’clock okay? I need to sleep in at least a little bit,” I laughed.

“Sounds perfect,” Grayson smiled and bit his bottom lip. “Can I get your number?”

“Of course,” I said taking his phone. I added my name into his contact list as “Y/N :)” just a little something quirky. idk. I’m not good at this.

__________________________________

1 New Message

Grayson: 9 AM it is! Can’t wait to bring you to THE BEST breakfast place in LA. Goodnight Y/N 😊

Me: Can’t wait! Goodnight Grayson.

Grayson: You can call me Gray

Grayson: Only if you want to

Grayson: It's not a big deal if you don’t want to. I don’t want to make you do anything you don't want to do..

Grayson: Even if it is just a little nickname..

Grayson: Okay I’m sorry for the spam

I laughed.

Me: It’s okay! 😂 See you tomorrow. Goodnight Gray ☺️

Gray: Goodnight Y/N :)

_______________________________________

[ a/n: AHHHHHH here it is! the first part to my first series ahhhhhhh. idk how I feel about it tbh lol like I feel like its bad but im going to really take my time with this series just so I dont rush things. I genuinely want it to be good. pls let me know what you guys think. I won't take anything too harsh. ily all I hope you enjoyed even the tiniest bit ♥️

#As Long As You're Happy #Grayson Dolan #Grayson Dolan series #Grayson Dolan imagine #Grayson Dolan concept #dolan twins #dt #Dolan Twins series #Dolan Twins imagine #Dolan Twins concept #ethan dolan #Ethan Dolan series #Ethan Dolan imagine #Ethan Dolan concept

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theravencawsatmidnight · 4 years

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White Day with Shinso

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

What is White Day?

White Day is every year in Japan on March 14th . One month after Valentines day . On Valentines day woman in japan give chocolates to men they have feelings for. On White Day men return the chocolates (and sometimes gifts) to the woman they have the same feelings for 🤍

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You always had a crush on Shinso , everything about him was so cool. His quirk was really interesting and he impressed you in the Sports Festival. You were in the support class so you never really got to talk to Shinso, you could only watch from the sidelines , cheering him on.

You spent an entire week trying to perfect chocolate making . You wrote down every mistake you made and spent hours correcting it . You also wanted to do something cute so you bought expensive chocolate decoration tools. Spent a full day watching decoration videos till you fell asleep. The morning of Valentines day you were staring down at the chocolates you made for him. They were round with little pointy chocolate pieces on the top . You carved a little nose into the center and two cat eyes . You had carefully added little black licorice to it for little whiskers.

Carefully you put the chocolates into a red box with thin red paper in it. You closed the box and tied some pretty red leather around the box in a neat knot. You sighed with relief . It was done. Finally.

“I can give him this.. and if he does not feel the same then .. thats okay. At least i finally told him how i feel.”

You rushed to UA as fast as you can, you needed to catch Shinsi before class started otherwise you would not see him at all. You ran up the hill out of breath spotting Monoma admiring himself in the reflection of his phone. You hurried over tapping his shoulder. He turned to you holding his arms out grinning big.

“Y/N!!! My my!! Are those for me ME? Ive already turned down so many today !! But if its from you then-“

“Do you know where Shinso is!!!”

His hands fell and his grin flattened. He gave you an uninpressed look.

“Hes in the locker area..”

“Okay thank you!” You ran off leaving the dissapointed boy

You heaved running to the lockers . Shinso was just closing his locker when you finally made it to him . Before he could say anything the bell rang. You looked at him , hot and out of breath. You were heaving so hard you could not talk. He tilted his head at you rubbing his neck .

“Yes Y/N?”

You held the box out with shaking hands. He stared at it for a minute till the smell made him realize what it was . He forgot what day it was too. Gently he took the box from you and you choked out what you were trying to say.

“Hap!!!-y!! Valentines—!!! Day!-“ you ran off into the school.

Shinso held the box close to his face inspecting it and enjoying the sweet scent coming from it. He opened the box on his way to class. When he got to class he was staring at the little cat face chocolates. They were so cute how could he eat them? Gently he put the top back on re tying it and set them in his backpack for lunch.

You got to class late and youre teacher scolded you for it. You did not really mind though, you did it. You showed Shinso you had feelings for him. Thats all that mattered. The detention you got after school did not matter, or the extra class duties. Nope. Okay maybe a little.

It was lunch time and Shinso also ate by himself on the stairs. It was not noisy there and he could relax. The chocolates were delicious. The licorice was sweet and the little cat ears were really soft. The chocolate itself was filled with melted fudge too. He leaned on the wall smiling down at the box . He was.. suppose to do something back right?

He pulled his phone out trying to search for it but he did not know what to search. Kendo was walking by and spotted the confused tired boy .

“Hey Shinso! Ya look lost you okay?”

“Hey Kendo.” He said not looking up from his phone. “Do you know anything about Valentines Day?”

She blinked walking over and sitting next to him, she smiled when she saw the box and cat chocolates. She elbowed him making him look over at her.

“Got some chocolates i see.”

“Yeah Y/N gave me them.”

Kendo hummed leaning on Shinso making him roll his eyes with a smile on his face. “Yeah yeah, im suppose to do something back right?”

“If you feel the same yeah! Its called White Day, its one month from today. You give them white chocolate or marshmellows and gifts “

“What kinda gifts?”

“Any! I think they have to be white though. What are you gonna do?”

Shinso rubbed his neck staring down at the chocolates for a few minutes. He knew you thought he was pretty cool, but the way classes were he never got to really talk to you. He would get the chance to now.

“ im going to give them chocolates and get them a gift. Just keep it under wraps ok Kendo?”

She gave Shinso a thumbs up hopping up to leave him be. Shinso finished up the chocolates and neatly tucked the box into his bag. He got up and continued on with his day thinking about what to do.

The rest of the month went by fast and Shinso kinda procrastinated untill a couple days before White Day. If he was not training with Aizawa he was asleep. He took his time making the chocolates though, even if it made him late for school. He put the white box in a white bag and left for UA.

He found you at the lockers when he got there but he was too late. The bell run and you ran off into the school, he rubbed his neck looking at the sky trying to think of what to do. While he was thinking he felt a tap on his shoulder. It was Kendo eyeing his bag.

“It looks so cute !” She said pointing at it

“I missed them Kendo. I might not get another chance today. “

“Hmmm. You leave it to me ok? After school wait for me at the entrance !”

“Uhm.. okay Kendo.”

The day went on and Shinso was a little paranoid. He cought himself staring down at the bag alot . His class mates teased him about it but he did not really mind. You were the only one who showed that kind of interest in him. He had to put his trust in Kendo.

Around last period Kendo busted into youre class room scaring everyone. She put a note on youre desk and left before the teacher could grab her. You blinked snatching the note hiding it fast before youre teacher turned back around.

What the heck was that about?

After class ended you left the classroom opening the note .

‘Meet me at the entrance Y/N!’

“I wonder whats up..?”

You made youre way to the main entrance not seeing Kendo anywhere. Instead you saw Shinso rubbing his neck staring at the sky . You saw his bag and youre heart jumped in youre throat.

“Cmon Y/N.. move.. move . Go over” You pushed yourself going over to the tired boy.

“H-hey Shinso..”

He turned seeing you. “Oh hey Y/N. This is for you” he held the bag out . “Happy White Day”

You stared at him for a second till you realized. You held youre hands out and he placed the strings in youre hands.

“I hope you uh .. like it. Do you want to uh.. hang out at my house.?”

“... yes.. yes that sounds really nice i..” you looked in the bag then back at Shinso.

“You can.. take the stuff out y’know.”

“Uh!! Sorry!!” You opened the bag more taking out a white cat plush. Youre face got a little red and you looked at Shinso. His cheeks were a little red to. Gently you put the cat back in the bag and took out the little white box . You opened it to see little marshmellows with chocolate ears and noses.

“Shin!!! Shinso!!! This is so cute!!!”

He grinned looking at the sky then at you. “I uh well. I thought it was a cute thing you did with the chocolates so ..” he held his hand out to you making you put the box away.

“I.. i like you Y/N.”

You took his hand very slowly .

“Shinso i .. like you too . Thats why i gave you the chocolates. I just think youre so cool and youre quirk is cool to so..”

“Aw Y/N. Thank you. Cmon.. i dont have training today so i want to take advantage of that.”

You held his hand tight following him. You were so happy and relieved right now. He liked you back. And you got to hang out with him now.

You both arrived at his house and Shinso took you to him room to watch some tv and enjoy the marshmellows together. You were sitting holding youre knees feeling a little awkward to be in his room. The marshmellows were very good and gooey , Shinso was sitting next to you looking awkward too. Should he make the first move? Should you?

Slowly you slid youre hand over to his, youre pinkie finger slid over his . Shinso looked over to see you not looking at him. He felt youre hand sliding over his more . He looked down at youre hand and turned his over so he could hold yours. You glanced over to see him rubbing his neck smiling at you.

“ i uh.. im new to this so..” he admitted

“Me..me to heh. What should we do?”

“Uhm.. well i kind of want to hold you? If thats okay?”

You felt youre cheeks flush , you scooted over to him and Shinso lifted his leg , you laid youre back against it and laid youre legs over his knee. He rested his arm on youre shoulder and held you close to him. You could hear his nervous heartbeat and giggled a bit.

“What?” He asked looking down at you

“Youre nervous to heh..”

“A nervous wreck”

You leaned into his chest talking softly.

“Me too Shinso.. i just.. i dont care if you want to take this slow. I just want to be with you”

He smiled laying his cheek on youre head squeezing you.

“I move slow anyway so i guess it works.”

You giggled squeezing him back.

“I guess it does”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

A/N. I LOVE THIS BOY SO MUCH HE DESERVES THE WORLD.

#hitoshi shinso #shinso #my hero academia fan fiction #shinso x reader #my hero academia fan fic #boku no hero fanfic #my hero academia general studies #white day #valentines day #my hero academia

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uriurijihoonie · 5 years

Text

wedding booth │ l.jc

pairing: dino/chan x reader genre: fluff, high school!au word count: 2,166 warnings: none

A/N: the scenario actually happened (but altered some parts) lol that’s it and i’m still getting the hang of writing how I used to aaaahhhh can you please send your thoughts about my writing ):

Valentine’s Day; for some, it’s a day full of excitement and expectations, especially if you’re in a relationship. The dreading moment of waiting whether you’ll be surprised by a confession from your crush who also likes you, a date by your significant other or the most-awaited yes from someone the suitor pursues.

In your case, you’re neither of the three; you don’t have a suitor, much less a boyfriend, and your crush doesn’t have any interest to you at all.

But still, you’re hoping something worth remembering will happen to you for the rest of the day.

As you entered your designated building, different booths were set up in the lobby. There’s the photo booth, an open stage for people who wants to sing or dedicate a song, a mailbox booth and even a fancy marriage booth.

The college council went all out for this day, huh.

“Chill out, Y/N, we’ve got you, you’re getting married to Chan today,” your friend whispered in your ear as she draped an arm around your shoulder, to which she also removed as soon as you nudged her by your elbow.

“Don’t do it please, and if anyone hears you I swear,” You trailed off as you start to descend the stairs, “besides, he will be pissed if you do that to him.”

“Oh come on, he isn’t a killjoy, I know it.”

“Well, he doesn’t take any interest in me at all, besides it’s so random for me to be suddenly paired up with him; he’ll get clues,” You argued, walking through the hallways of your designated floor.

“That’s the point, Y/N,” you saw your friend roll her eyes at you, in which you flicked her in the forehead, “but that’s not what I intend to do, idiot.”

You entered your classroom and as cringe-y as it may be, your eyes automatically turned to where Chan was, and as if you’re being blessed today, it was a sight where he’s laughing real hard you can hear his melodious laugh ringing like soothing bells in your ears, making you smile automatically as you reached your seat, which is just right in front of him.

“Don’t intend for him to know, huh,” you can hear sarcasm in your friend’s voice as you reached for her to smack her, which she evaded with a laugh.

Classes soon started and everything about today is going well like what a normal day is like. Soon you were given ample time to go to the lobby and check out the booths, in which you easily dragged your friend to try out the photo booth.

As soon as you finished taking the shots you bought from the booth, screams and hoots were heard and soon, a crowd of people filled the other side of the lobby.

“Someone’s getting married,” said your friend. Curiously, you tried to make your way through the crowd, immediately smiling when you saw it was your two teachers who’ve been shipped by a lot of students were getting married at the booth.

“It’s Mr. Kim and Ms. Jung,” you grinned, snapping a few photos of your teachers who clearly have interest for each other.

What would it be like if Chan and I were—

You immediately stopped your train of thoughts as you move away from the crowd, shaking your head furiously as you remove any visualization from your head.

If you were to be completely honest, there’s a slim string of hope that your friend will really sign you and Chan up for the marriage booth, and who are you to fool yourself that you don’t want it to happen.

Even if it’s just fake, I’ll take it. Sheesh Y/N, you’re embarrassing.

Feeling heat rush through your cheeks and the unstoppable grin on your face, you shake off the feeling as you made your way back to your classroom, opting to read a novel you always bring with you.

Just as you turn the novel to its next chapter, one of your classmates entered your classroom, “Yah! Chan is getting married at the lobby!”

You felt as if an ice cold bucket of water is being dumped on you, your heart beating fast as you thought of your friend actually signing you up.

But that’s impossible, she’s with me all day and—

Looking back at her seat behind you, your friend is missing and just then, she barged into the room, shouting your name. “Y/N! Come with me, quick!”

There’s no time for you to escape and as soon as she dragged you down the stairs, your screams of protests were unheard as you were being led by your friend.

You saw the crowd being your classmates and you didn’t know if you should be glad you can hear their affirmative screams and hoots towards you, but their screams cannot beat the loud thumping of your heart as you can feel how it races fast.

“Ya! I told you not to do this!” You grumbled as you were dragged on the makeshift aisle, a flower crown with a veil being put into the top of your head.

“You’re welcome, Y/N,” she giggly handed you a bouquet of paper flowers and linked your arms, as if she’s your guardian for the ‘wedding.’

“C’mon Y/N, look at your ‘groom’,” she nudged your sides as your hands got sweaty, heart beating at its fastest rate, and if it’s still possible for it to get faster, your heart still accelerated as soon as your eyes met Chan’s, and seeing his eyes turn to crescents as he grin shyly and looked down to fix his suit (provided by the booth) made you smile, too.

At least it looks like he’s fine with this.

Your friend guided you as you walked through the aisle, and if it wasn’t for your arm gripping your friend’s, you would’ve cascaded on the floor as you feel your legs giving up.

As soon as you reached the makeshift altar where Chan is waiting, all noise seemed to drain out as you focus on this moment alone; Chan going to your side as he’s smiling shyly, faint hues of red painted his cheeks, but despite his own embarrassment, he still greeted you, “Hi, Y/N.”

As much as you wanted to greet him back, all you managed to do was to give him a shy smile of yours, averting your gaze to the person in charge of the ceremony in front of you.

“Good day, family and friends, we are all gathered today to witness...” all the sound drained out once again. This is really happening.

Your thoughts cut off when Chan nudged you, making you look at him, “Are you okay? You look kinda pale, Y/N.”

You wanted to utter a sentence this time but your malfunctioning self still got your tongue tied, that you only managed to give him a nod, which made him frown the slightest, “Are you bothered by this?Is it because of me?”

“No, no, I swear, no!” You blurted out, good thing the person in front of you is still not over with his spiels. You sighed, “I’m just... I’m sorry since you’re being dragged into this chaos.”

Chan laughed at your word choices, which made you smile too because did I just managed to make him laugh?

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Chan slightly faced your direction, still sporting that smile of his which you love so much, “Because I’m actually happy that it’s you.”

Before you could say something, his hand reached for your flower crown and fixed it in place. Giving you one of his smiles again, he turned back to the front, in time for the question from the person in front.

“Do you, Lee Chan, take Y/L/N Y/F/N, to be your wedded wife, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, ‘til death do you part?”

The person gestured for the ring that laid on the table. Looking down, you saw Chan taking one, as his other hand gestured for yours. Shaking, you held his palm, taking in just how soft his hands are and the gentleness of his hold on yours.

Leaning closer to the mic, you heard Chan say, “I do,” before he slipped in the ring on your ring finger.

The fast thumping on your heart returned. Taking deep breaths to compose yourself, you focused on looking at the ring left as you heard the person say his question, “Do you, Y/L/N, take Lee Chan, to be your wedded husband, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, ‘til death do you part?”

You can see your hands trembling as you take the ring, and you lost count how much you’ve been breathing deeply. But when you look at Chan, who’s smiling at you, everything felt at ease.

This was definitely a moment to remember.

Leaning into the mic, you said, “I do” as it’s now your turn to slip the ring in his finger.

Afterwards, the cheers you drowned out became louder once more, and as the person in front finally said the words “you may now kiss the bride,” all the nervousness and trembling came in to you all at once, and tripled when Chan carefully lifted the veil covering your face.

“Ya, what do you think you’re doing?” All your reservations for Chan escaped you when he finally lifted the veil off, but he just smiled at you. “Just trust me.”

With wide eyes, he carefully tucked some loose strands of your hair behind your ear. Is he serious? What the heck is he really serious about--

It was all cut off when he gently pulled you close to him by your arms and engulfed you in the warmest of hugs.

Taking this as an opportunity, you hugged him back, the grin forming on your face becoming wide as ever. Hoping he wouldn’t feel it, you snuggled in his chest for the tiniest bit before letting go.

Signing your supposed “marriage certificates,” you were then led into the photo booth for remembrance of your “marriage.” You didn’t know how it went but you’re sure you’re giving the most flustered look you can give. After giving you your claim stubs for the photo, Chan was about to approach you...

but then you felt the continuous vibration of your phone close to your head.

Opening your eyes, you glanced around to your surroundings. I slept at the library? You wondered. Sitting up, you reached for your phone, and all the continuous vibrations were made by the messages and missed calls from your worried boyfriend.

Opening his recent message which contained “Please tell me that you just fell asleep in the library again, baby. I’m worried,” you sighed guiltily.

You were about to reply when a familiar figure sat in front of you, and a sheepish smile went on your face as you saw Chan’s pouting face, “You could at least text me that you’re in the library.”

“I’m sorry, Channie,” you gave him one of your pouts too, as you reached for his hand across the table. “I was planning to send you a text but I got engrossed into reading.”

Ah, really,” he sighed exasperatedly, but then gave you a relieved smile as he brushed his thumb on your knuckles, “Just don’t make me worry again, baby.”

“Of course, baby. I love you,” you cooed, taking your intertwined hands close to your cheeks, but yelped when both the cold band around your fingers came into contact with your skin.

Looking at your hands, you laughed at how you’re still wearing the silver rings you got from your high school’s marriage booth three years ago, and how you just dreamed of it a while ago, “You’re still wearing this?”

“Of course, I tell the girls who try to flirt with me that I’m married-- hey! What’s wrong?!” Chan laughed as he avoided the crumpled paper you threw at him.

After you both calmed down, you intertwined your hands once again, brushing your thumb on the cold metal band. “Tell you what, I dreamed of our wedding on that booth three years ago...”

Clearly, it was how your relationship started and bloomed. You didn’t forget how Chan also confessed to you that he likes you when he overheard you and your friend talking, and how you thought of escaping as soon as you knew he was listening, but you were glad he caught up to you..

“Someday, Y/N, maybe in another three or four year’s time...” Chan mumbled, making you hum. “What is it?”

“I’ll change these rings into real ones.” Your smile faltered for a bit, seeing how the glint in Chan’s eyes are nothing but seriousness and something you’re really grown to seeing; love.

“You’ll... say yes, right?” His eyes now hinted that of fear and nervousness. You wanted to take those emotions away from him.

And seeing how you smiled and squeezed his hand, Chan never felt more reassured than before.

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mahbonesmccoy · 5 years

Text

Valentine's surprise (Severus/reader one shot)

So sorry. I know Valentine's day is over but naaah. Better late than nothing. Here's my one shot of Sevy the bean queen.

In February 14, 2012, I forced myself to work during midnight. I am a professor and I sadly have no time for Valentine's day. I dont even have a partner anyway! During that time, I risked my health just so I could finish my unchecked papers. I've been procrastinating for the past few weeks because of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows! I was sort of... Not satisfied. Voldemort's death is rendered differently and it frustrates me but Snape's death made me weep like a babe.

As I finally finished my work in 2 A.M, there's an odd noise coming from my Garden. I suddenly felt strange and scared and so I grabbed a kitchen knife and sneaked out to my garden. To my surprise, I saw a figure laying down on the grassy ground. He was clad in black and... So familiar. I immediately dropped my knife elsewhere and rushes towards the man to help him.

I accidentally touched his neck and I heard a little noise coming out from his mouth. "Sorry." I muttered and I suddenly realised that my hand was stainted with blood! Panicking, I slowly roll the man to lay him down on his back properly for me to check his wounds and.... I went silent. Am I dreaming? What is this?! I slapped myself so hard that it hurts so much and enough to wake me up but I didn't!

After my self-realization, I immediately and carefully guide him inside my house and put him down on the couch. I can't believe it's Alan Rickman in my Garden dressed as Snape! I rushed to my bathroom and took my medical kit to tend his wounds on his neck. Again, with sudden realisation, he was bitten by a snake. His chances might be thin and I'm no doctor. But I also can't risk to let anyone or the public, in general, see him!

I crossed my fingers during the days I took care of him and hopefully he will be fine. He slept well after 3 days of suffering yet he was still pale and sick. 4 days later, I decided to abandon my sleep schedule again so he can rest on my bed and I can do my work all night long. Unfortunately, I was very sleepy and I nearly slept on my desk if Mr. Rickman or Snape didn't appear behind me, pointing his wand at me with a threatening look.

"Who are you. I dont wish to sound ungrateful but I want answers." He said with his usual deep voice. Panicking, I jumped out of my chair and raised both of my hands.

"Im no threat, believe me. You just suddenly appeared at my Garden!"

"... I see. But you haven't answered my question yet."

"(y/n)"

"Interesting... A muggle. Where's my cloak? I need to go back to Hogwarts." He rushed back to my room and then headed towards my garden and before he could even set foot outside, I immediately put myself in front of him and pushed him away gently.

"Nope. You are not going outside. Besides, the war is over and you can't go back! Everyone thinks you're dead."

"...." He went silent and pointed his wand at me again. "How.. Did.. You.. Know.. About... Me being... Dead?"

Oh fuck.

"Look I have so many things to explain and please.. Dont avada Kedavra me. Im telling the truth. You can even use Legilimens on me!"

"And how in Merlin's beard did you know all about this.. When you're a... Muggle?"

"I told you I have lots of things to explain.. Sit down."

And so I told him that night and he was... Utterly silent. He was trying so hard to let everything sink in. I showed him the movies and the books and I can see he was very angry, but then he bottled it all up.

"It make sense." He said.

"Make sense what?"

"I can't see what's inside your head and its completely black."

He stayed in my home for a year. I enjoyed his company and he surprisingly enjoyed mine too. I was blushing secretly every night time, remembering how he looks good on a white shirt and pants. March 15, 2012, we were sitting together on my couch whilst he was reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows. Meanwhile, I was reading a textbook about histories of Russia. I still need to study more of it..

Snape dropped the book harshly on the table and he suddenly.... Snapped. His emotions devoured him and he cried in front of me. Quickly, I sat beside him and gave him a tight hug which he gladly took it and sobbed on my shoulder. He repressed many emotions and I couldn't comprehend how much it hurts to be isolated and abused.

"It's okay now.. You're fine." I whispered, caressing his jet black hair with my hand as I held his head gently.

"That damn author. She made my life miserable... " He mumbled.

"Shhh. Despite all of it... Harry Potter appreciates you in the end. All is well."

After his outburst, he doesn't look like stressed anymore. Instead, he looked well and finally at peace. He actually smiled at me everyday whenever I talked about theaters, history and what ever interests me. I even convinced him to let me tie his hair and he surprisngly loved it. He didn't really mind staying all day at my house while I was at work. We read and eat together as well and I suddenly had a mission every day to make him laugh which I did successfully. And during christmas eve, we were enjoying our moment together by singing along with christmas songs!

I could not forget the smile on his face while we sing. Then the music changed into a slow, melancholic tone version of 'Let it snow'

"May I?" He said, offering his hand.

"Thought you hate to dance?"

"Not with you at least." He smiled.

I bit my cheek inside as I took his hand and then we start to dance slowly. Goodness, he's out of character and I'm kinda proud that I'm the reason of his sudden change. Out of height difference, we were embracing eachother instead of doing the proper position of waltz. We just danced together as silence engulfs us.

Little did I know... It would be our last moment.

Next day, 10:00 PM, he was standing in front of me, fidgeting his fingers.

"My neck wounds are reopening itself."

"What?! Since when? I can heal it!"

"No need... Im going to be fine. I'm sick of living but you taught me how to live my life rightly. But now... We must part for I dont belong in this world."

"No.. No no no.. You're staying here.. I dont want you to die." I said, standing so close to him that I can feel his breath.

"I will always die in the end. It's what the book says. I know you hate it so much but you can just... Open the book and read all over again. And I will be with you. Not in front of you.. But here." He said, pointing my heart. "And you have Alan Rickman." He chuckled.

"Oh for god's sake, he doesn't know me." I giggled but I still can't repress my sadness.

"Well at least he will remind you of me."

I'm on the edge and his words are pushing me off. Without hesitation, I wrapped my arms around him and sobbed on his chest. "Please don't go... "

"I have to.. " He whispered weakly, his jaw resting upon my head and his arms protectively wrapped around me.

We sat down together on my couch for the last time while I leaned against his shoulder. I felt like I'm such a sissy for being silent but I still managed to say something to him one last time.

"Leave a souvenir for me.. Will you?" And I, sadly, fell asleep. And the last thing I heared from him is,

"Sleep well.. "

In the morning, I was cuddling a pillow on the couch and I was holding something, tightly and unconciously. Slowly, I sat up and look around. He's definetly not here anymore and it's probably a very long dream of mine. I look at the thing that I was holding and... My heart skipped a beat. So he's real.

His wand.

Fin.

#harry potter #severus snape #alan rickman #fanfic #x reader #muggle #reader #valentine's day

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the-fiction-witch · 6 years

Text

Valentines: From

MOVIE: MAZE RUNNER COUPLE: NEWT X READER RATING: SWEET + SMUT

Y/N POV:

I sat on the bench nibbling at my lunch just having my nice sandwich I got a little tap on my shoulder so I turned to see nothing know one there I heard a little sound on the table so I turned and saw a little thing wrapped in red tissue paper so I got it and it was a little chocolate with a note “Hello, Love From Your secret Admire” it made me giggle eating the sweet chocolate once I had my lunch I went back to work doing some gardening picking out strawberries and such as I finished planting a little cutting I looked up and spotting another little red present so I grabbed it and read the note “You Look cute when you work, Love from your secret admirer” it made me blush like crazy looking around trying to see if anyone was looking at me but know one was looking so I open it and it was another little chocolate so I happily ate it Once I was finished with work I went off to have a bath in the little swimming pond out towards the deadheads as soon as I stripped off and jumped in I felt so nice I ducked under the water for a moment to wet my hair and when I came back up there was another cute little red present on the side of the Pond I swam over and saw the note “For You Beautiful, Have fun Meet me tonight on the tower <3 Your secret admirer” It made me laugh I opened it and it was strange thing i was very puzzled and i accidentally dropped it in the water and it began fizzing like crazy turning the whole pond purple with glitter and little hearts floating in it it felt so nice on my skin to sweet and pretty Once I was done I got dressed and went up to the tower it was now dark the top of the tower where a bunch of candles everywhere and a little present on the tower it was a huge present it looked beautiful.

NEWT’S POV:

I sighed not wanting to get out of my hammock, till I felt a little tap on my head

“Uhh What?” I ask opening my eyes but know one was there but there was a little red present on me so I sat up having a read of it

“You look cute today X From your secret admirer” it read making me laugh a little but kinda worried...I live in the glade...full of boys? I kinda hope it’s the one girl doing this and opening it Ohh a chocolate so i had it and went to the garden’s it is my day off sitting in the gardens on the grass while other’s worked I sighed laying back and almost falling asleep again till I felt someone tap me I turned and looking but know one so I sighed turning back but this way there was another little red present so I read the note “Sleepy Boy today newtie, Love From your secret admirer” It made me laugh opening at this was another chocolate so I happily ate it laying back on the soft grass trying to sleep again I looked around and I could see know one really about to much except y/n across the way I smile at her and she smiles back blushing a little putting her head down to work once I has had a very long nap I went to dinner sitting on my own still kinda yawning a bit having to have a very long yawn when I opened my eyes another little present was sat on the table I looked around and there was know one even close so I read the little note “For you, Meet me tonight on the tower Love from your secret admirer” so I quickly opened it, it was another sweet little chocolate so I quickly ate it rushing off to the tower once I got up there I saw a huge present on the tower and candles and flowers everywhere and Y/n sat she turned and smiled as she saw me

“It was you?” she giggles

“What do you mean?” I ask her

“You where the one leaving me little presents?” she blushes

“ thought you where, You said to meet you here” I laugh showing her the note

“But I thought you brought me here” she says very puzzled showing a note she also had same hand writing same everything “thats odd” she says a little worried sitting and getting the big present it had two little notes on it one saying Newt the other saying Y/n so we each got our own note

“You two are perfect for each other its high time you both told each other how you feel” mine read

“what does your say?” I ask her and she handed me her’s and I handed her mine her’s said exactly the same

“so...something you want to tell me?” she giggles blushing hard

“something you want to tell me?” I laugh both of us a little nervous before we met and kissed her lips so soft and heavenly why did I wait so long to kiss her...

Y/N POV:

when He kissed me my heart skipped a beat I was so happy he felt this way about me, why did we wait so long to meet and do this, so long I have had a crush on the cute British boy, to think I’m actually kissing him till we both pulled away

“How long?” I ask

“since I got you out the box” he smiles “what about you?” he asks

“since you got me out” I giggle shuffling close to him resting my head on his shoulder he smiles wrapping his arm around me we sat snuggling in the starlight for what felt like forever “Oh what was in the present?” I ask remembering we didn't open it so he got it sitting it between us and opening it up it was a box so newt opened it and quickly shut it again before I could even see inside “what?” i giggle

“I dont think you want to see” he laughs

“Yes i do” I giggle opening it was full to the brim with condoms, regular, XXL, sensitive, warming, cooling, ribbed you name a condom it was in here “Oh god” I say in shock newt blushed digging though the huge mess of condoms and under them was something else a ring with some odd little bits “whats that?” i ask

“You dont wanna know” he laughs

“Yes I do newt tell me” I giggle

“Okay,, this goes like on ....lets say hypothetically if we where too....have sex” he blushed “it would go on my dick, and vibrate and make me super hard as fuck and also at the same time when i was inside you it would touch and vibrate on your clit” he explains

“How did someone even get that?” I ask

“I’m not sure I wanna know” he sighs so I put my hand in though the condoms and found something else a bottle of something it said WCKD on it so I was a little worried before he took it out my hand “Oh okay, this is like-” he begins

“Lube?” I ask “Just going on everything else in the box of smut” I laugh

“Not exactly It’s lube yeah but...its meant to like make us both more sensitive” He explains

“who the hell did all this?” i ask “Leading us here and doing this?” I ask

“I have a pretty educated guess” he sighs as I found a bit of folded paper at the bottom of the box it read

“Happy Valentines day Ya Shanks, Have Fun ;) X thomas and Minho”

“I hate those two sometimes” I laugh “Bloody Idiots” he sighs

“Well I dont have any other plans tonight” I smirk

“Wait so you-” he begins getting a little excited and I just nod

“My place?” I giggle grabbing the little ring and holding on the crotch of his trousers and having it vibrate

“Uhhh!Okay!” He moans kissing me hard before we packed everything into the box climbed down with it and ran off to my room....

“Ummm Oh newt” I moan between his harsh lustful kisses as we laid on our sides in my bed his hands on my waist often running his fingertips across my skin mine tightly holding his vest and he threw his hoodie across the room a moment ago his little groans and grunts into our kiss getting deeper and louder the more we kissed “Newtie come on dont you wanna have sex with me” i giggle pulling away from kissing him letting him press soft tickely kisses on my neck

“Oh I do, I do, I do Y/n” He groans between kisses pulling up my shirt and undoing my jeans pushing them down my legs so I push them of all the way with my feet and he smirks at me laying i bed in my underwear his eyes checking me out rather aggressively before his lips attached to my neck again his hands sliding up to un clip my bra which he did on the first try it hanging so loss only just covering my chest his hands quickly threw it away across the room his hands shyly stroking under my breasts before moving up taking hold fully of my tits one in each of his large hands “Uhh Oh God!” He moans sucking on my neck as he squeezed them gently I chuckled at his reaction smirking trying to pull up his vest and he smirks pulling away from my neck throwing off his vest and I smirked running my hands up and down his slender form and he smirked against my skin as I undid his pants and he pulled back looking at me “where really gonna do this?” he asks a little scared and I nod blushing a little pushing his pants down revealing his boxers and the large bulge there ever growing as we kiss before he sat up and smirked at me getting the box of stuff “you pick” he smirks so I giggle grabbing a sensitive condom and he got the other bits butting the box on the floor sitting up on top of me and smiling at me so I slip my panties off leaving me naked under him and he smirks his bulge growing even more as he saw me naked

“come on newt” I giggle running my hands down from his shoulders down to his V very prominent now and he smirks giving me a little kiss as he slips off his boxers “SHUCKING HELL!” I laugh

“what?” he asks

“Its shucking huge newt” I laugh

“Really? I didn't think it was that big” he laughs “well, Its all yours sweetheart” he smirks kissing me before he sat up again putting the liquid stuff from the bottle on his cock and he shuddered his eyes rolling back a little “shuck thats good” he groans before slipping the condom on and putting a little liquid on the condom too “thats so you get some in there too” he smirks before putting the little ring on and smirking at me “You want to turn it on” he smirks and I nod sitting up a little pressing the little button turning it on I could see his cock get harder if that was possible as it started and the little sound of her vering a little funny to me “Okay I’m gonna have to fuck you else Im gonna cum” he groans before smirking down at me “a little for your cit too” he smirks putting some off the liquid just the amount still on his fingers on my clit it felt so good so cold but like it heightened me so much making my little clit feel like it was begging for his touch but I was no to get it as he slipped inside me “UHHH! Y/N Your...Your so tight baby” he smirks pushing so he was hilt deep inside me the little vibrator taking good care of my clit almost teasing it as my pussy stretched around newt huge cock he smirks leaning forward on top of me his elbows keeping him up as he gave my lips a sweet kiss before starting his slow thrusts but they didn't last very long as he was within seconds pounding into me hard and fast I moaned like crazy in reaction to every tiny thing he did to me he kept groaning and grunting almost angry getting frustrated trying to get to his release getting desperate for it I was getting close I felt myself nearing the edge till I felt his hand move down to the toy and turn it up one more speed sending me over the edge my orgasm rushing over me pleasure going everywhere like a wave from my pussy out to my brain and down to my toes making them curl in reaction my pussy clenching tight around him even squirting on him a little as I grabbed him tightly screaming repeating his name like a prayer over and over as his thrusts kept going keeping me in the wonderful fuzzy visioned world of climax till I felt him shudder his hips bucking widely no rhythm like before as he grabbed me tight biting my shoulder hard I felt his eyes even water as he came collapsing on me “I love you so much” he moaned

“i love you too” I giggle between breaths till he pulled out of me it felt awful having him leave and he laid beside me in my bed resting his head on my tits as he breathed “are you okay?” I ask

“Yeah...Yeah....just uh...a bit....tried” he groans

“aww poor newtie, maybe we do more tomorrow?” I giggle giving his head a kiss and playing with his soft hair

“Okay” He smirks giving my breast a kiss where he was

“Knock knock” a little voice laughs on the other side of the room I looked around my room a moment things knocked over newt’s clothes all over my floor and a few things from under my bed now out in the middle of the floor my bra somehow got hung over the door handle on this side

“yeah?” I ask

“Hi guys” minho smirks opening my door along with thomas “Whoa! it worked” he smirked as he saw me and newt in bed

“Oh god, the sex smell is so strong its making my eyes water” Thomas complained

“why did you guys do this?” I ask as newt snuggled closer to em almost asleep

“because you two needed to get together and if we had to trick you into admitting it then we did, arnt you happy it worked ?” Minho smirked

and I just looked at my mostly wrecked room, my naked body under the covers off my bed and a naked newt cuddling into my side “Yeah I am” i giggle hugging him tightly and he kissed me our kiss deepening like crazy still a little horny

“dont you guys wanna know how we did it?” thomas asks

“Dont know and dont care” Newt answers between kisses “Guys shuck off” he told them pulling me close to him

“why?” Minho smirked

“cause Its valentines day and oddly enough I wanna have fun with my girlfriend” he smirks so they happily left letting us get back to our sweet little cuddle

“so you wanna fool around again” I giggle

“Late sweetheart, I need a nap after destroying your pussy” he smirks kissing me so I happily kissed him back cuddling closer and we happily feel asleep.

134 notes · View notes

phandomsecretvalentines · 6 years

Text

Love; not wrong (brave)

Happy valentines day 💞💞 i hope u have a great day, where ever you are and whatever you do.

This is litteraly just 4k words of fluffy stuff (although phil’s lowkey drunk in one of the prompts, nothing happens other than him ranting about how perfect dan is, but if you dont like that stuff its the 14th. Theres also a few loose mentions of depression and feelings of anxiety but nothing dan and phil dont say themselves. Also swearing bcuz dan. Happy endings thoo, i mean its just oneshots lmao). I hope you like it tho it was v fun to write. All the prompts are from @inlovesuggest (i got their permisson).

(Also the numbers at the begining of some of them like “[10]” are what year it takes place in, if i think its important to include. If thats not there it can take place whenever makes sense but probably 2017/18)

Yeahhh hope you enjoy! @dan-matian (from @butterscotchwithwhitemalteasers)

(I’ll stop overexplaining now) ———- ———- ❝ i have a feeling im gonna love you for a long long time ❞ ———- [09] ———- It was the day after when Phil realised he might be in love.

After the anticipation, after the endless butterflies, after the sunset Skybar dates.

They were lying on Phil’s family sofa together, rewatching episodes of Buffy in comfortable silence. Dan’s head was laying on Phil’s chest as Phil ran his fingers through Dan’s hair, it was curling at the tips now.

Dan started giggling at some cheesy joke, and hid his smile in his hands. His red patch flared up, his dimples grew, eyes crinkled. He did have a pretty laugh.

Phil titled his head and gave Dan a look.

“I’m not laughing! Shut up.” Dan’s face turned red-rose as he pushed it inside Phil’s shirt.

Phil couldn’t help the huge grin that spread across his face.

“You were. But I was just thinking.”

“About what?”

“You’re kinda cute,”

“Oh.”

Dan’s face got even more rosy, if that was possible.

“And I think I might love you.” ———- ❝ The sound of your voice makes me realize everything is ok, as long as I’m by your side. ❞ ———- [16] ———- Even after years of doing tours and books, Phil still felt nervous on stage.

Thousands of people watching him live, expecting, hoping.

He knew they loved him, but that didn’t console the pit in his stomach whenever he was about to step on.

What did help, however, was Dan.

Dan being there. His slightly posh voice, his half-confident-half-slacking posture. His arm, brushing against Phil’s, as he rushed off to go do something; or just so they could touch for a brief moment.

It was almost time to head on. Phil could hear the audience and the pre-show music Dan set, he could feel the anticipation in the air.

Unlike Dan, Phil was a shy kid. He didn’t do drama, he didn’t preform. This wasn’t him.

Dan’s fingers loosely touched against Phil’s arm, pulling him out of his thoughts.

“We go on in five.”

Phil smiled nervously.

“Okay.”

“We’ll be fine.”

As long as they’re together. ———- ❝ when it works out, love is incredible. it’s not overrated; there’s a reason for all the songs ❞ ———- [16] ———- Before the past years, Dan had never cared for love songs.

It’s not that he thought they were bad, or that he wouldn’t listen to them, he just found them rather unrelatable and boring. How many times does one have to listen to someone sing about the touch of another person?

But then he fell in love.

Truly, truly fell in love. Not teenage romance, not a Saturday night hookup, not an unrequited crush. True, mutual, comfortable love.

And he found himself relating to the songs he found so boring.

Suddenly, every overplayed radio song was about Phil.

Every ‘his lips tasted like candy’ was about the specific sweet-sour wine of Phil’s lips on a loud Friday night and a calm Wednesday morning.

Every 'I could spend forever with you’ was not an over exaggeration, but rather, true.

Why wouldn’t he spend forever with Phil? It just made sense.

Every love song made sense.

He had girlfriends before, and a boyfriend too. But Phil was the first one to ever make him realise why people wished to be in love. ———- ❝ when i say “i love you” it’s not out of habit, it’s to remind you that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me ❞ ———- Compared to other people, maybe Dan and Phil didn’t say 'I love you’ much.

They decided, after a while, they’d rather show it.

So maybe Phil wouldn’t always say 'I love you’ before bed, but he would cook dinner more days a week than Dan.

He would take care of Dan when Dan couldn’t take care of himself. Phil would always cover anything for Dan, because he knew sometimes he needed it, even if he didn’t say.

He would make sure Dan got home safe, even when he only went out for milk. He’d even go out and get milk for Dan, if he was feeling far too overwhelmed to leave home that day.

And yeah, Dan might not always whisper 'I love you’ during early morning breakfasts, but he would take care of Phil when he was feeling poorly.

He would do more editing for the gaming channel, and he cleaned up the house far more. He tried to do most of their paperwork, because it often stressed Phil.

He would put his cereal in the same place every time, even when Phil always stole it.

But sometimes they would say I love you.

Sometimes, they would wake up and breathe it into each other’s ear.

Sometimes, they would make dinner and hum, in a tone, “I lovvveeee youuuuuuuu,” while putting it on the table.

Sometimes, they would sneak up behind each other while they edited, and scream it so loud that the other jumped off the sofa.

Sometimes, Phil would whisper it to Dan when Dan was too depressed to care.

Sometimes, Dan would mutter it to Phil when he was already far past asleep.

But they both always knew. ———- ❝ those knowing looks you give me from across the room are enough to make me want to stay in this place ❞ ———- Dan hated business meetings.

He hated going outside, he hated going into a building full of near-strangers, he hated talking to said strangers, he hated trying to understand complicated business concepts at far-too-early o'clock.

He wanted to leave.

Phil insisted, always, that he could go alone. It would be fine. Dan didn’t need to be there, and he didn’t mind.

Dan never took him up on the offer, he wasn’t that selfish.

So there he was, a Monday afternoon, looking out the window and bored out of his mind. He felt like he was in secondary school again; complicated concepts, boring statistics, and an unfocused mind. What was even so much better as an adult?

Dan felt Phil nudge his knee with a foot.

“You okay?” He whispered.

Right. That’s what was better. He had Phil.

“Yeah, just bored.”

“Me too, but there’s only fourty minutes left. You’ll be fine.”

Not for the first time, Dan admired Phil’s sensibility to always bring a watch to meetings.

They had both agreed that checking your phone looked quite rude, but checking a £3 Hello Kitty watch was a lot more subtle.

“Thanks.”

Phil gave Dan a small smile from across the table, and suddenly, maybe business meetings with Phil weren’t the worst place he could be. ———- ❝ we were dancing like idiots in the parking lot to our favourite bands people were staring but your dumb smile was enough to make me not care. ❞ ———- [10] ———- //“Change, Everything you are And everything you were”//

Dan never thought he would be the one slow-dancing in a parking lot at one in the morning, but apparently love mixed with sleepless nights is a hell of a drug.

//“Your number has been called Fights, battles have begun Revenge will surely come Your hard times are ahead”//

'Butterflies and Hurricanes’ played in the background, music surrounding them. It wasn’t a favourite Muse song for either of them, but it was perfect for the night.

Phil wasn’t the best dancer, Dan could admit. But neither was he, really. And it didn’t matter. They were together.

//“Best, You’ve got to be the best You’ve got to change the world”//

People were watching them, judging, or just confused. He was sure.

But when he looked up and saw Phil’s tired smile, and felt a soft kiss press his lips, he couldn’t bring himself to care.

And so they danced, a Saturday night, in a parking lot, to a Muse song.

//“And you use this chance to be heard Your time is now”//

And Dan had never felt so content. ———- ❝ maybe i could become a morning person if my mornings started next to you ❞ ———- [11] ———- It was no secret that Phil wasn’t a morning person.

Usually, he needed at least two cups of coffee and a bowl of cereal before you could even think about talking to him.

However, when he woke up with a sleeping Dan next to him, he found it hard to feel annoyed.

Dan was wrapped all around Phil, hand clutching his shirt tightly, their legs intertwined. His mouth was slightly opened, and although he didn’t snore, Phil could hear his soft breath.

He looked so young sometimes.

Dan started to open his eyes, having felt Phil’s body move.

“Mhmm?”

“Dan, I can’t reach my phone.”

Dan’s face scrunched up in distaste, “Don’t need it. 'Have me.”

Dan pulled Phil tightly into a half-hug, pinning him back down under the blankets.

He nuzzled his head into Phil’s neck, closing his eyes as his breathing steadied out again.

Maybe Phil didn’t actually mind mornings that much. ———- ❝ your laugh reminds me of all the good in the world ❞ ———- [15] ———- Dan had always loved Phil’s laugh.

From old videos, to Skype, to in person, to on the sofa next to him at three in the afternoon.

They were playing Mario Cart 8, and Dan wasn’t having the best luck. Despite being arguably worse, Phil had won every round so far, or at least gotten ahead of Dan.

Dan had managed to fling himself off the track entirely— for the fifteenth time that day— and Phil was laughing so hard Dan worried he might burst.

Dan’s favourite laugh of Phil’s.

His tounge-through-teeth laugh, where he tried to cover it with his hands but always gave in, ending up with smile lines and blushed cheeks.

Dan couldn’t stop staring. He had caused that.

He knew it was just a game of Mario Cart, that he made Phil laugh an endless amount of times, but occasionally it just hit him.

Not to romanticize, but Dan swore Phil’s laugh sounded like actual angels. It sounded like young children playing while their parents looked on; like every good thing to ever have existed, all at once. It reminded him of what happiness felt like.

“You okay Dan?”

Dan hadn’t realised how long he’d been staring for.

“Yeah. By the way, I like your laugh. Sounds nice.”

“Odd compliment, but thanks.” ———- ❝ wrapped in your arms, I feel so safe and calm. ❞ ———- Today had been a day.

Paperwork got mixed up, a venue had a miscommunication and lost a row of seats, and Phil’s birthday was in less than a week.

It was a lot for Dan at once, and he was so fucking tired.

“Phil! I need your help looking this over.”

Phil was on the phone, ordering dinner.

'Can it wait?’ He mouthed silently.

Dan shook his head violently. He was just about fed up.

Phil rolled his eyes, and muttered 'Be right back, emergency.’ into his phone.

“Alright, what?”

Dan squeezed his eyes shut tightly, shaking his head.

“I don’t know. Wait— Yes. I do know. It just is a bit blurry, in my head. Since I’m tired. Can you just explain what they said to call them for I’m really tired.”

Phil looked softly at Dan.

“It’s okay to take a break, Dan. It’s late. We can have dinner and go to bed or watch a movie.”

“No, I need this done tonight. You don’t understand. I need it perfect.”

“Not everything needs to be perfect.”

“Yes! Shit, yes. It does—”

Dan was exhausted.

Phil hugged Dan.

Dan eased into Phil’s embrace, hot tears rolling down his cheeks.

“I’m tired,”

“I know.”

“And so stressed.”

Phil kissed Dan’s forehead.

“I know, let’s lie down.”

Phil grabbed his phone, finished ordering their food, and lay on the sofa with Dan.

Dan nudged into Phil’s arms, closing his eyes.

Phil lightly kissed him, and held him closer.

“You can nap for a bit, if you want. The food is fourty minutes away. I’ll be here.”

Dan sighed contently.

“Thank you.” ———- ❝ my hands are cold, would you mind holding them? ❞ ———- [11] ———- “It’s snowing.”

Dan and Phil were sitting on Phil’s balcony, sipping hot coco.

“It is,”

“It’s cold.” Dan smiled innocently at Phil.

“Yes? Do you need mittens? I think I have a pair—”

“Can you hold my hand?”

“Oh-” Phil went bright pink, “Sure, yeah, okay.”

He reached out and tapped his fingers nervously against Dan’s free hand, before interlocking them.

“Thanks.”

“No problem. It is really cold, actually.”

Dan laughed, “Yeah, I know! It actually is snowing out, it wasn’t all a ploy.”

Phil smiled warmly.

“I like holding your hand.”

“We are doing this for warmth and survival only, you dork. But, I like holding your hand too.” ———- ❝ Just the two of us, cuddling at late night. Enjoying the silence, and the presence of each other. I fall asleep in your chest, hearing your heartbeats ❞ ———- It was 2am, they’re watching a Studio Ghibli movie.

Or at least, they were, until the credits rolled and they were too lazy to pick another one.

So now, they were lying on the sofa, listening to the silence and the others heartbeat.

Dan’s head was on Phil’s chest, a grin as he heard Phil’s soft breathing.

Phil was running his fingers through Dan’s curls, twirling each one.

Dan’s eyelids slowly difted closed, and his breathing evened out.

“Goodnight, Danny.” Phil whispered, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

Dan smiled within his sleep. ———- ❝ i never want to know what life is like without you again ❞ ———- [17] ———- In more ways than one, Dan and Phil ran on parallel tracks.

Their thoughts, but their actions too. Their daily lives so delicately intertwined.

They would wake up together, one kissing the other or just the sound of an aggressively loud alarm.

They would get dressed, take showers, brush their teeth, fix their hair, in turns. Perfectly in sync. A well oiled machine.

One of them would make breakfast, or they both would. Coffee, tea, cereal. A petty argument about stolen cereal, sometimes, then a slice of toast.

They would watch TV, or an anime, but today they watched Undercover Cops. Phil wanted to spice it up a bit.

After that, they’d sit in the lounge, doing nothing, editing, or any mix of the two.

Eventually, one of them would get hungry, and they would order or cook. Today it was order, burritos from a local mexican place and salads.

After they ate, Dan would take off somewhere else to do something else. Piano, games, or random things around the house. Phil might join him, but not always. This was as much space as they needed.

After that, Dan would return in exercise clothes with yoga mats. Phil would go off to change, and would return. Either yoga or some standard workout, nothing too much, but enough to make Dan okay. Phil never minded it.

After that, they would return to the lounge and relax for a while. Maybe catch up on a show. Other times, they might film a gaming video, or even a main channel video if one was prepared.

Then one would be hungry again, and they would make dinner. Sometimes they ordered, but less and less, since Dan’s therapist recommended healthy home-cooked meals. They decided on Indian food, Tandoori Chicken and Rice, with a Stir-Fry.

After dinner, Dan would go play games, and Phil might too. Or maybe watch a show Dan didn’t care for. Maybe clean up a bit more. Always something, though. Unless it was a nothing day.

Sometime at night, they would get tired. They’d head off to bed, maybe Dan would want to shower again. They would just lay with each other, until the comfort of the other persons presence lulled them both to sleep.

They worked well together, and had done for years. It was hard to remember a time before they were each others lives.

Rarely ever alone. ———- ❝ a concept: holding hands while walking along the beach as the sun sets next to us and we kiss and we kiss and we kiss and mmmaybe kiss ❞ ———- [10] ———- After four hours, Dan and Phil had finally managed to escape from the rest of the group.

Now they were walking down the sandy beach, awkwardly watching the sunset, side by side.

Neither one really knew what they were doing, neither really cared.

The sky had just reached that violet-red-orange ice-creamed mix when Phil intertwined his fingers with Dan’s.

Dan looked up at him, pink cheeks.

They glanced at each other for a second longer, then continued walking.

“You do realise we’re literally doing that romantic-walk-on-the-beach cliché thing?”

“Yeah, but it’s nice.”

“It is,”

Dan looked into Phil’s eyes a moment, then softly pressed their lips together. ———- ❝ i love the way you sound at 3am and how you look when you smile. it’s addicting ❞ ———- [09] ———- It was three in the morning, and Phil had decided that Dan was pretty.

And not the flowy-hair-model pretty, but the timeless one. The one where your features are just— perfect.

Phil couldn’t even think of a proper describing word; although that may be the three glasses of wine he had earlier.

He looked at Dan’s fuzzy image through his laptop, admiring. Dan had been attempting to play piano, but gave up and was just lying on his bed now.

“You’re pretty.” Phil whispered.

Dan blushed. How adorable.

“Thanks?”

“Really. Timelessly beautiful. And sexy, and handsome and hot and gorgeous and every other good word. You’re— Dan. That’s perfect. Dan is a good word.”

Dan grinned wide at Phil’s drunken rambles.

“I–”

“And your voice, it’s just nice. Calming. You think it’s too posh or whatever but it’s not. It’s great Dan. It’s Dan! That’s a good thing. I love it. One day I wanna fall asleep to it and wake up to it and—”

Phil teared up at this. He wanted to be with Dan forever, and he knew it.

“Dan, I,”

Dan was looking a bit confused now.

“Yeah, Phil? Are you okay?”

“You’re pretty, Dan. That’s all. But that’s not all at all.” ———- ❝ being old doesn’t seem too awful when i think about growing old with you ❞ ———- [18] ———- Phil sighed, rolling over in bed.

“I’m thirty-one now.”

Dan smiled, “Yeah?”

“That’s pretty old.”

“Not that old, honestly.” Dan laughed quietly, “You’re barely over your twenties.”

“People my age have families,” Phil stares at the ceiling, unblinking. “They’re married with a house.”

“Kids don’t make you old, Phil. People have kids at sixteen, my mum had me at ninteen for God’s sake. And anyone can buy a house, anyone can get married.”

Phil leaned on his side to look at Dan. “You know what I mean—I could. I haven’t done that much, I’m getting old. I could die tommorow.”

Dan’s turn to sigh.

“You could’ve died yesterday, Philly.” He smiles fondly, “And you have done so, so, much. Really. You’ve gone to University, had three homes, have four million fans, gone on tour—there’s more to life than just domestic stuff. And if you want domestic stuff, we can do that too. Forever home, dog, eventually marriage and kids.”

“I know,”

“What’s the issue?”

“I dunno. I just don’t wanna die. I don’t want to be old, really. I don’t know.”

Dan glanced at him.

“You’re gonna be old. We’ll be old together. Like the great poet Ed Sheeran once said, 'I’ll be loving you 'till we’re seventy,’”

Phil giggles, “Maybe you’re right. It’ll be fun with you. You make things fun.”

“Yup. I’ll always love you, even when you have grey hair that you still dye black, and wrinkles, and smell like bad cologne.”

“Always.” ———- ❝ when it works out, love is incredible. it’s not overrated; there’s a reason for all the songs ❞ ———- [16] ———- Before the past years, Dan had never cared for love songs.

But then he fell in love.

Truly, truly fell in love. Not teenage romance, not a Saturday night hookup, not an unrequited crush. True, mutual, comfortable love.

And he found himself relating to the songs he found so boring.

Suddenly, every overplayed radio song was about Phil.

Every 'his lips tasted like candy’ was about the specific sweet-sour wine of Phil’s lips on a loud Friday night and a calm Wednesday morning.

Every 'I could spend forever with you’ was not an over exaggeration, but rather, true.

Why wouldn’t he spend forever with Phil? It just made sense.

Every love song made sense.

He had girlfriends before, and a boyfriend too. But Phil was the first one to ever make him realise why people wished to be in love. ———- ❝ How dare you make me smile so hard that my face hurts when you’re so far away? ❞ ———- “Well this feels like déjà vu.”

Dan was sitting on their bed, laptop opened to Skype, smiling at Phil.

Phil was at his parent’s house, sitting on a guest bed, smiling back.

“You’re right. I have too many memories of nights like these.” Phil laughs half-heartedly.

“I probably would’ve just come with you, if I didn’t have a video to film.”

“I know. And remember to send me the file when you’re done so I can watch over it.”

“Yes, Dad.” Dan rolled his eyes fondly.

“It’s your regret, Daniel.”

Dan sighed, “I miss you.”

Phil smiled back, sadly, “I miss you too. But it’s only a few days, don’t worry. Just edit.”

“I remember a lot of nights back then, saying how one day we would never have to Skype again, yet here we are.”

“Stop being melodramatic Dan, it’s only a weekend for my mum’s birthday. We’ll live.”

“Will we? Because I swear I’m dddddyyyinnngggg!” Dan flopped down on the bed, pretending to faint, and they both fall into a fit of giggles.

“Noooo Danny! Don’t go into the light!”

“It’s too late… I can—see God… she’s coming for me…”

“Dannnnnnn! Nooo!” Phil put his hand over his heart and sobbed dramatically.

“God is Ribena Phil, but you didn’t hear that from me.”

They both burst into uncontrollable laughter at this, tears streaming down Dan’s face, struggling to catch their breath.

“Oh my god, Dan!”

“Oh my—Oh my Ribena, you mean!—”

They both gasped for air, Dan’s cheeks hurt from smiling so hard.

“Of course, how dare I!?”

Once the laughter had settled down and they were both softly smiling again, Dan sighed.

“I still wish you weren’t so far. I want to be with you.”

Phil smirked, “Don’t you mean 'I wonder how biology can explain the physical pain you feel in your chest when all you want to do is be with someone’?”

“Shut up! Why do you even remember that?” Dan blushed and hid his face in a pillow.

Old feelings, old love. ———- ❝ in your kiss, I felt at peace ❞ ———- [09] ———- Butterflies.

Dan looks at Phil, Phil looks at Dan.

Dan tilts his head to the side.

His head is beating fast, but his heart is beating faster.

Phil is beautiful.

Now or never.

Butterflies.

Two lips, just two lips.

Soft. Phil’s lips are very soft. And sweet like honey.

Butterflies and honey.

A winning combination for your butterflies to get all sticky and trapped, and for you to feel brave.

Honey is sweet, like Phil’s lips.

Phil’s lips are better than honey.

This isn’t Dan’s first kiss, but it might as well be. This feels more important.

Honey.

Butterflies.

Honey is sweet.

Phil’s lips are sweeter.

“Thank you.” ———-

#submission

8 notes · View notes

sapphicscholar · 6 years

Note

your fics are helping me get through the shittiest breakup right now, so thank you. I know you probably have a million prompts but would you be interested in writing a story where maggie is having a really dark day and feeling really depressed/worthless within herself (either because of internalised homophobia, past trauma etc) and alex takes care of her? maybe even some soft tearful smut later?

Hey, I hope you’re doing alright! I’m sorry it’s taken me a little while to get to this prompt (I didn’t want to do a shitty job when my focus was so divided with work and applications). Sending all the best thoughts your way! It’s now posted to AO3.

Author notes:

CW on homophobia, abusive families, anxiety/depression, etc.

A/N: Now that we’re in the thick of the holiday season, I’ve gotten a few asks for chosen family and hurt/comfort. I know it can be really hard dealing with family (or making the perfectly legitimate choice not to but seeing posts on social media that make it seem like everyone else has a loving, supportive biological family). No matter what choice you make (and I know sometimes there really isn’t a choice, depending on the situation), I’m sending you all the best thoughts. I hope you’re able to make time for yourself, even if it just means finding a quiet room to be alone for a little bit, maybe some wifi to catch up on gay af fanfic or cute puppy gifs, which I’ll try to post in spades over the break when I have time to be on my phone or computer. There are links to resources here as well.

A/N 2: Regarding a few lines in this fic: Obviously not all religion is inherently homophobic, nor do I think anyone smart and scientific (e.g. Alex) must necessarily be an atheist. But I think for so many of us who were raised Catholic (fun foreshadowing here for the nerd notes at the end today), religion was something that shaped our upbringing in an often profound way and was then thrown back in our faces when we came out. Are there Catholics who don’t follow the Church on its teachings about LGBTQ issues? Of course. But, for instance, the fact that my family happened to be supportive of LGBTQ rights in a general way didn’t mean that I wasn’t terrified of coming out to them; it didn’t exempt me from years of internalized shame after hearing priests and religion teachers teaching that homosexuality was an intrinsic disorder of the soul; and it certainly didn’t save me from the humiliation of having to write that gay sexuality was a sin on a test to get an A, of knowing that I put the jobs of my family members who worked for the Church at risk just by being out, of being forced back into the closet to serve as a teacher at a Catholic high school. And even with all of that, I had it easy (and I certainly had it much easier than my fiancée), which I say not to guilt anyone who is still religious, but to explain the perspective from which I’m writing in advance.

Resources:National Domestic Abuse Hotline (online and phone options): http://www.thehotline.org/

US and International Hotlines for a variety of causes: https://sapphicscholarwrites.tumblr.com/post/167199297270/dont-ever-hesitate-reblog-this-tumblr-rule

Self-Harm Resources:http://myresourcemasterlist.tumblr.com/selfharmhttp://self-care-club.tumblr.com/post/139740925552/giant-self-help-masterposthttp://chooserecovery.tumblr.com/post/64162912692/ultimate-self-injury-recovery-masterpost

Suicide-specific resources:https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/https://themighty.com/suicide-prevention-resources/(For ones that link outside of the US):https://sapphicscholarwrites.tumblr.com/post/164643935260/selfharm-surviver-holybadbitch98https://sapphicscholarwrites.tumblr.com/post/164329606770/uie-fuwaprince-us-helplines-depression

Chapter Text:

“Are you and Maggie doing anything for Christmas?” Kara asked, popping another handful of popcorn into her mouth as she nudged Alex, who had started to nod off during the last episode of The Walking Dead.

“Hmm?”

“Christmas—what are you doing?”

“Oh,” Alex sighed, pulling herself up and rubbing at her eyes. “I don’t know. I mean…I know Maggie used to celebrate it with her family, but obviously that hasn’t been the case in years.”

“Right, right.”

“And it’s not like she goes to church at all these days.”

“I mean…you’re not exactly religious, but we still do Hanukkah with Eliza.”

Alex shook her head. “It’s different, I think. I was never religious; it was always more about…I don’t know, being with family and having something in common. I thought mom might be disappointed in me for being gay, but I never thought her reasoning would be that God said it was bad or anything like that.”

“Right,” Kara conceded. “But it might still be nice to celebrate together—you know, build new traditions.”

“I kinda fucked up with that whole thing on Valentine’s Day,” Alex sighed. Sure, they’d talked eventually and found a way to celebrate, to reclaim memories that had hurt Maggie for so many years. But Alex didn’t want to try to surprise Maggie this time and risk dredging up buried trauma once more. “I don’t know. I’ll talk to her.”

Closing her eyes, Maggie blinked back hot tears that threatened to fall. She focused on her breathing: Breathe in—1, 2, 3, 4, 5—hold—1, 2, 3—exhale—1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. She fumbled to take off her watch, finding her pulse and focusing on its too fast beat, waiting for it to slow in time with her deep breathing. She ignored the clock, ignored the reminders of how soon Alex would be home, how weak she would look sitting at the kitchen counter and crying over a piece of paper—a stupid Hallmark greeting card with some trite bullshit scrawled across it in fake cursive.

Of course, the card itself hadn’t set her off. It was the hand-written note inside. The sight of the same handwriting that had adorned the rare note in her lunchbox in kindergarten was what had left her eyes stinging, not the vague platitudes about having a very merry Christmas and an even happier New Year. As she read, she was overcome with surges of anger and sorrow and a guilt that she had never quite been able to shake, no matter how much “pride” she claimed.

She tried to seize on the anger—the rage and frustration that she’d used as motivation to succeed: to do well enough in school to get herself out of that small Nebraska town; to do well enough in college to keep her scholarship; to do well enough in the academy to guarantee her a job, even as a non-straight, non-white woman. And there was plenty of it. Anger at her father’s suggestion that her family had always been there for her, as though they hadn’t left her alone at her aunt’s house with barely enough clothing for the week. Rage at this idea that she had been the one to wrong the family simply by living her life honestly and authentically, that she had ruined something otherwise perfect by being herself. Frustration at the phrase, “your friend,” as though her father hadn’t stormed out of their bridal shower precisely because Alex was so much more than just a friend, as though he hadn’t forced her out of her home and family as a mere child because her feelings for Eliza exceeded the bounds of friendship.

But then there was the photo of all of the cousins and nieces and nephews she’d never met. There were sentences about just how much older everyone had gotten, the sickness and bad times they’d been through without her there, the deaths she’d never known about, let alone mourned. Because she’d already done that—mourning the loss of a family that still existed—but not for her. Not with her.

It still got to her, still struck her with a guilt that felt like it could wrench her open, could undo everything she’d worked for, could tear down every inch of progress and confidence and sense of self she’d fought to build for herself.

Maybe he was right. Maybe they were all right. Maybe she was selfish—selfish for putting herself and her desires above her family, the people who had raised her, who had sacrificed their lives to try to make hers better.

And there was another voice—much quieter, harder to hear, harder to believe—that seemed to call back, to tell her that she was worth it, that her life wasn’t worth sacrificing on the altar of bigoted beliefs, no matter who else worshiped there. She thought the voice sounded an awful lot like Alex’s, and its echoes, the voices of her new family: M’gann and J’onn and James and Kara and Eliza and Winn and everyone else who had come together to prove to her that she had people in her corner even when she felt most alone and least worthy of love.

But they were just that: voices. And in the face of the letter, its words right there, her fingers able to trace over them, feel the indents where her father had pressed down just a little harder, those marks and proof of a family that existed in reality—a family she could barely even think of as family anymore—those voices advocating for her faded to the background, drowned out in a chorus of self-loathing so overpowering she could barely manage to stagger toward the bed, her deep breathing long forgotten.

—

Alex found her there nearly an hour later. Her body was rigid, trembling every so often but otherwise catatonic. She looked as pale as Alex had ever seen her, and there were tear tracks streaked across her cheeks, her eyes puffy and rubbed raw from the harsh swipe of her shirt sleeves. Her fingers were clenched into fists, and her short nails were leaving deep moon-shaped imprints in her palms.

“Maggie!” Alex called out, rushing forward. She’d seen her like this once before—just once—and it had terrified her as much then as it did now. Remembering her DEO training, she forced herself to stay calm, to detach herself from the situation and let her medical instincts take over.

“Hey, Maggie, it’s me, Alex,” she said, her voice low and even as she knelt down on the ground next to her, pulling out the bottle of water she carried with her in her bag and putting it beside Maggie on the bedside table. “You okay if I sit here?”

Maggie managed to get herself to nod.

“Great. And if that changes, I can move, okay? I’m going to stay with you, but I can be a little farther away, or I can get closer if you want.” She paused to let Maggie process. “Do you think you can breathe with me?”

“It’s not helping,” Maggie forced out, her teeth chattering shut.

“Maybe if we do it together, it’ll help a little, okay?” Alex murmured. “Can I put a blanket on you?” Seeing the nod of assent, Alex pulled out the fluffiest blanket they had—the one with no tags, no rough patches or odd seams, the one that Maggie had wrapped around her after everything with her dad and Cadmus—and carefully draped it over Maggie, taking care not to tuck it under her, lest she feel trapped. Feeling how cold Maggie was to the touch, she slipped over to the edge of the room and turned up the thermostat before making her way back over to the bed.

She knelt next to Maggie, helping her to slow her breathing, holding her hand once she told her it was okay to touch, checking her pulse and smiling broadly as it came down to close to normal levels, telling Maggie just how proud she was when she was able to unclench her muscles and relax slightly into the mattress. Once the worst of it seemed to be over, she got Maggie to drink water and stretch out her stiff muscles.

“What do you say to a hot bath together? It’ll warm you up, and we can light the nice candles.”

“Even the cookie one?”

“Definitely the cookie one,” Alex agreed, smiling at the signs of Maggie returning. A few moments later, she came back into the bedroom, having lit the candles and begun filling the bath. “You good to walk?”

“Yeah,” Maggie nodded, standing up and rolling her neck to work out the cricks that had developed in it. She still let Alex take her by the hand and walk her to the bathroom, cracked a joke or two when Alex asked to help take off her clothes, grinned when Alex pulled out the extra fluffy towels they had picked up a few weekends ago and set them on the radiator to warm while they were in the bath.

For a while they relaxed in silence, Maggie sitting between Alex’s legs, her head resting on Alex’s shoulders while Alex ran her fingers through Maggie’s hair.

“My dad wrote,” Maggie said, her voice quiet.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Do you think I’m a bad person?”

“What? No, Maggie, never. You’re—god, you’re one of the best people I know.”

“That’s not true. You know Supergirl.”

“Yeah, well Supergirl never gives me the last slice of pizza, and you always offer to share.”

Maggie snorted, shaking her head against Alex’s shoulder. “That’s not what I mean.”

“What do you mean? Because honestly, Maggie, you are one of the most caring people I know. I—you’ve made me better. And not just by helping me to come out,” she clarified, anticipating Maggie’s objection that anyone could’ve done that with enough perseverance or bluntness. “You’ve made me rethink some of those things I assumed I knew. You helped me to see aliens who weren’t just like my sister as people who needed protection, not just prosecution or imprisonment. You showed me possibilities for a life I never thought I’d have.”

“But you didn’t say anything about my family. People have died, Alex—people I loved, people who loved me. They died, and I didn’t know.”

“There’s a difference between choosing not to know and never having been told.”

“Is there? Phones exist. Hell, mail exists. I never tried reaching out.”

“You did nothing wrong!” Alex tried to bite back her anger, knowing that wasn’t what Maggie needed. “Look, I get where you’re coming from. But self-preservation, knowing to take care of yourself—that matters too. You had no way of knowing how they would react if you tried to reach out. They had already hurt you, Maggie.”

“Still. They’re family.”

“And so am I, but if I hurt you—god, Maggie, if I hurt you that way, I wouldn’t want you to feel like you owed me anything. You don’t owe anyone your forgiveness.” Trying to find words, Alex let out a sigh of frustration. “You did try, Maggie. Think about it that way. You tried—you invited your dad to our bridal shower, in part because I wasn’t thinking quite clearly. I thought…I could only think in terms of my own relationship with my mother. And we went through some rough, rough periods, but it was different. I didn’t see that clearly then. But you gave him a chance he didn’t deserve—a chance you were good and pure and kind enough to give him—and he threw it away.”

“He came.”

“Yes, and he left.”

“I know,” Maggie huffed. “And I thought that would be it! And if it was…well, maybe this would all be easier, you know? God, I just—he said no! He doesn’t want me the way I am. So why won’t he stop acting like it’s my fault?”

“I don’t know,” Alex admitted, her voice barely a whisper as she wrapped her arms around Maggie. “I really don’t. And I don’t—I don’t have the perfect advice to offer. I’m happy to call him and yell at him, or get a restraining order, or burn the letter, or ignore it entirely and hold you, or kiss you until you can’t think about anything else. I mean, whatever you want, you know? I’m here for you, and I’ll support you no matter what you choose.”

“Even if I choose vegan ice cream and a whole night of Rizzoli and Isles?” Maggie teased, opting to ignore the tears prickling the corners of her eyes.

“Even both of those terrible choices.”

“You love Rizzles just as much as I do.”

“You’re a cop! How do you deal with all the procedural violations?”

“I watch for the hot ladies with delightful romantic chemistry on my screen and put up with the rest.”

“Yeah, yeah. They don’t even get to make out, though.”

“Neither do half of the actual gay couples on television!”

“Fine,” Alex whined, though she kissed Maggie’s cheek anyway, which led Maggie to turn around, finding Alex’s lips with her own and letting herself be held, letting herself be cared for.

Eventually they got out of the tub, the water having grown lukewarm. Wrapped up in a fuzzy towel, Maggie nudged Alex with her shoulder. “You think it’s okay that I don’t try to reach out to him for Christmas?”

“I think that’s your decision, and you are allowed to celebrate however you want.”

“I mean…I want to celebrate by going sledding and destroying you in a snowball fight.”

“Whatever you want within reason,” Alex clarified, laughing at Maggie’s pout. “And maybe, just maybe, we can think about traveling somewhere cold for a vacation. Don’t see why we’d want to, though,” she added, winking at her fiancée.

“So cheesy movies and as much junk food as Kara can bring over? And maybe when she leaves you and I can find our own way to celebrate…”

“I think that sounds perfect.”

#ask me #anon #prompt fill #fanfic #cw homophobia #cw family abuse #cw depression #angst #hurt/comfort #sanvers #supergirl #maggie sawyer #alex danvers #kara danvers #holidays #maggie-centric #ao3feed

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