#dumb death the dumbest death

[whinlatter]

If you could save any of the characters in the hp books who died, who would you save and why?

Ah, this is such an interesting question!

Honestly, I think the most pointless death is Fred's, and if I could save him, I would. I could write essays on it, honestly. I think it's one of the cheapest emotional shots taken in the series.

Fred's death is kind of gratuitous. It's not well foregrounded, it's not a particularly good scene or a murder that's carried out by a character with any significance or symbolism (Rookwood? Really?) But neither is Fred's death used to be a particularly sophisticated comment on the randomness of death in war or make a broader point about the nature of the conflict at hand. It's as if the Weasley twins' position as a comedic device and a source of laughter throughout the series made them prime candidates for JKR to batter them, in order to hammer home an already hammered-home point that war is tragic and costly and terrible lol (like, already in the same book, George gets his ear blasted off! Why keep coming back for shots at the twins?)

You can almost imagine JKR going down the list of Weasleys like, ok, well Bill's already been mauled, killing Charlie wouldn't do enough damage because he's such a side character, Percy needs his redemption arc, killing Ron is a bridge too far and she's already had him poisoned, killing Ginny would be plot repetitive and would polish Harry off, she'd already decided to nearly kill then save Arthur, and Molly needs her boss bitch moment - oops sorry guess it's a twin that's getting it! Why not kill one and not the other for maximum devastation! It's not like JKR was even very attentive to the twins' emotional life or made any real effort to characterise the twins separately from one another, other than giving Fred more lines than George throughout the series. So for the reader, the death of one of the twins is this horrendous awful blow, but the reader also is left with no directed tools for how to think about his death or conceptualise what this character was for the series arc. Also to end a series knowing you just robbed this beloved family of a son and a brother - robbing George of his twin - and then make no attempt to think about the impact of that death on your characters, and write an epilogue that says all was well, is just extremely poor plot detonation, imo.

I say this also because I think there are deaths in the series that are awful and tragic, but which are still narratively and symbolically important, either as ways of propelling the plot forwards or offering a kind of narrative symbolism or arc that has some payoff for the reader. James and Lily have to die to set in motion this huge plot arc for the entire series. Cedric's death is a powerful watershed moment both for the reader - things are getting serious now - and for Harry. Sirius' death, while completing devastating, does at least make some sense to strip away from this central character an important protector as he steps towards a fate no-one can shield him from. Dumbledore's death was a masterstroke, and I actually (sorry) think Hedwig and Dobby's deaths make a ton of sense, as characters that represent innocence and the uncomplicated warm friendship of childhood friends (also I think Harry digging Dobby's grave is one of the most powerful images in the series). Even Remus and Tonks' deaths do something for the arc of the series, offering the symbolism of both another baby orphaned by war, and for Harry beginning the next chapter of his life as the godfather to that orphaned child (I'm typing that out very grudgingly because obviously those deaths are horrendous). But Fred, it's like, ok, well, the only possible point for this is to make sure you see it's a war and deaths will happen and to make sure the Weasleys are grieving for the rest of their lives. Great, cool, fine! But I think it's cheap storytelling. Anyway there's my piece!

#dumb death the dumbest death #kill characters by all means but kill them and have it mean something #you're writing fiction you're making choices to make points and tell stories that hopefully mean things #so make choices that make sense! #soapbox city this week from me i see #fred weasley #thanks anon! #ask #hp meta #meta

[grimalkinmessor]

Once more frustrated by people seeing Light's various moves as stupid because they're looking at it from a point of omniscience and not from the perspective of Light himself and the information he had access to :')

#death note #yagami light #my light bias is showing but also no its not #bc im right #like honestly what would YOU have done? without the knowledge that you have from being a spectator #an audience member #i myself wouldve done some of the dumbest shit imaginable and i own that #im a dumb bastard i wouldve panicked the moment L came on screen tbh #i would attempt to leave the country and then L would arrest me bc he was monitoring the ports #also i wouldnt have been kira at all bc i wouldntve thought to use the death note worldwide but thats another story #thats also another pet peeve i have bUT THATS NOT THE POINT RN #THE POINT IS THAT FOR SOMEONE WHO KNEW AS LITTLE AS LIGHT DID ABOUT THE SITUATION HE WAS IN HE MADE THOUGHTFUL CHOICES #choices that WORKED #sure some of them might have fucked him over a bit later but AGAIN #hes not omniscient. there were things he literally had no way of knowing. why do people think hes omniscient #grim rants

[death-by-moth]

Lurmve him

#i am no longer allowed to draw past 4 am #This dumb idea for an edit popped into my head and I could not stop laughing #this is the dumbest most self-indulgent thing I have ever made #death-by-moth #tf2 spy #edit

[tacagen]

wait. did i really not make an appreciation post for the Thought Process going on on these pages??

#again. its like watching your dumb fuck of an orange cat son finally get his turn with the Brain Cell. look at him go. im so proud of him. #baby's first thoughts!! #man we really dont get to see him think much. especially That rationally. #like. what else do we have. narrating of his timeline changes and the processing of almost erasing himself by the dumbest action ever which #is like. the exact opposite of whats going on in dfp. + explaining his death-rebirth thing + 'private tour' in rs but those are neutral #'he can fly... look up' *insane cheering like im a man in a sports bar watching his team strike on goal* #eobard thawne #reverse flash #professor zoom #the flash #tales from the dark multiverse: flashpoint (2020)

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

putting historically inaccurate things in fanart/fanfiction/whatever and then throwing "ye olde" in front of it is truly my favorite joke in the ofmd fandom. like, the layers of comedy going here on are truly impeccable:

pretending that modern things like top surgery, crocs, or CBT (do i mean cock and ball torture or cognitive behavioral therapy? the answer is yes) can exist in 1717 if you just slap "ye olde" in front of it

the phrase "ye olde" is meant to mimic Old English, a form of english that died out before europeans started colonizing the west, meaning this joke is a fake phrase mimicking a period way before the events of ofmd

usage of the phrase "ye olde" dates back to the 1850s or earlier, making the ironic usage of this word closer to the events of ofmd than the era it's meant to be describing

which, when you think about it like that, means you could take the "ye olde" joke as the characters themselves using it ironically in an early way, like how pinocchio and phrenology didnt exist yet in 1717, using "ye olde" to sarcastically reference medieval europe. which means that technically, they're using the phrase right

which!!! implies that whatever futuristic modern thing the characters are doing or using is being ironically referred to as something from an even earlier time period.

meaning that when we talk about olu's iconic pair of Ye Olde Crocs, we're saying that his shoes are actually incredibly old-fashioned

#ofmd #our flag means death #i dont even know what to tag this as. this is some of the dumbest shit ive ever written for sure #i need to talk abt. dumb shit (complimentary) like this #instead of dumb shit (derogatory). by which i mean idiot fucking racists and their stupid takes #txt #mine #j #og #no char

[whomst-the-hell]

ok ok hear me out, follow me on a journey ok i promise i PROMISE i’m doing a thing here look:

1. there are (amongst others) two factions on mandalore, the true mandalorians and the new mandalorians

2. these factions technically oppose each other, but are more focused on combating a third, mutually hated enemy (death watch)

3. jango fett is a true mandalorian

4. jango fett is played by Temuera Morrison

5. Temuera Morrison is from NZ

6. THEREFORE i will assume that the native true mandalorians are also space kiwis

7. now lets restate again for the record: new mandalorians are a close but rival people to the true mandalorians

8. who are the close but rival people of real kiwis? aussies

9. IN CONCLUSION:

#star wars #satine kryze #jango fett #this is. so dumb #the dumbest of my star wars posts which is honestly impresive i mean the bar was on the floor #also ftr i KNOW that jango fett was adopted BUT i googled it and apparently he was actually from mandalore already so its probably fine #esp for the meme ok #this is my petition to cast margot robbie as live action satine btw #also under these parameters i think that makes death watch the US which. Well

[dollhouse-tales]

silly little thing i was thinking about......how would the others react at hero dying in differents routes?? who would be the most likely to point and laugh?/hj

Reason is bordering on losing his MIND. He told the Hero not to go that way. He told the Hero DONT go into the creepy abandoned castle. HE SAID NOT TO DO DUMB STUFF!! And yet, what does the Hero do??? She does it anyways!! He laughs at her dying!! Throws a "I told you so!" he's so bitter!!

Impulsivity laughs. He points and laughs and snickers, takes a photo and improvizes a funeral. he's a man of many chaotic talents.

RED TEXT and Innocent Princess obviously. I mean they're the ones out here doing the killing. Sometimes RED TEXT is more interested in the drowned raven in the mirror lake. if you know what this means then no you don't actually/j/lh

Cold is just like either "you bring shame to my name how dare you." or "you know what he tricked you he got you good but i know you tried your best. let's try again next time let's be better." strangely??? strangely supportive of Hero dying.

Narrator points and laughs canonically. do with that information what you will.

But most of all???

THE HERO LAUGHS AT HERSELF she just goes "woah okay that was really dumb of me to do." ITS COMEDIC

#mod ghost #ooc | mod post #magical malevolence #inbetween resets hero just reflects on what went wrong and a majority of the time she just laughs to herself. #she's died in some of the dumbest poses. accidental family guy death pose types of dumb./lh

[crayonurchin]

I have come to the realisation that the warforged I play as it just if Kronk was mormon and self-conscious

#Stencil is one of my favourite characters #she's possibly nearly 1000 years old but only has 3 months of working memory #she's literally built for a war that killed thousands #she weighs 400lbs of pure tank power #she's painted pink #she likes animals #two days ago she learned to talk to them #she's the favourite of a popular god #like #like LITERALLY the favourite #the god liked her before she knew what the god was because she's just that nice #she likes food but can't eat it so just sorta looks at it them gives it to her friend #she is #so fucking dumb #she's the dumbest character I've ever written #with the smarted emotional intelligence ever #she's responsibly for countless deaths #she really likes birda

[diabolimeservavit666]

When you find yourself obsessed with a guy's hands (for some odd reason):

Help, my mind is unwell... Really unwell... Heaven have mercy... More like Hell have mercy. Okay, I'm going to die for that... *meep*

#excuse me while i go walk myself off a cliff #when you focus too much on his body/voice and um well uh yeah #i know i shouldnt like him but im seriously turned on right now #all of this?! all of it! even after knowing what he did to my boy? #i hate myself #why must this always happen #why tell me why #the fucker who created hormones deserves to be tortured to death #emotions in general suck #if you think i chose to like him #youre the dumbest bitch alive because i didnt #it just happened #i know that sounds like an excuse but it did #and now i cant unlike him #i know because ive tried #he aint forgiven though #hell never be #obsession is love #not that i should be saying that #you dumb fucks #asmodeus #jeffrey vincent parise #supernatural #prince of hell #when you like the guy that wasnt team free will #spn fangirl problems #fangirl confessions #im going to regret this #im going to get a lot of hate for this

[giveamadeuschohisownmovie]

#tumblr polls #ace attorney #phoenix wright #apollo justice #spirit of justice #capcom #simon blackquill #maya fey #trucy wright #godot #prosecutor godot #franziska von karma #miles edgeworth #mia fey #ace attorney polls #gyakuten saiban #phoenix wright ace attorney #aa #aa posting #ace attorney spoilers #ace attorney series #video game #gaming

[thegnomelord]

For the prompt game, maybe 7 with price and m!reader. Price gets pissed off that reader almost got themselves killed on a mission to protect him. Just some lovely old man angst

Tumblr's acting up again and it's deleted my draft like 3 times so fingers crossed this works else I will cry😓 . I saw the old man angst and immediately thought of Rodolfoparras work and this so yeah. Play the game HERE.

Prompt: “Well, I’m sorry I fell in love with you, okay? But it happened and I can’t do shit about it.” “You… What?”

CW: SFW-ish, Omega John Price, Alpha Male reader, mentions of gore, kissing, angst, omegaverse.

When your file had landed on his desk he had contemplated refusing; you were a stereotypical alpha — a loudmouthed meathead with little regard for your own health, headstrong and stupidly stubborn over the dumbest shit, and with a long list of incident reports dating back to the first day you joined the army. TF141 was your last chance before a dishonorable discharge and Price, stupidly, had taken you in like the stray you were.

Safe to say you turned out to be the leading cause of his grey hairs with all the shit you pulled. . . but. . . not to the extent he expected.

Unlike most alphas, you were surprisingly receptive to taking orders from an omega like Price, and carried yourself around the others without attempting to establish the dated hierarchy. After giving you guidance, and learning how you thought, Price had been seeing serious improvement.

'Course, all of that went down the drain when you decided to charge head first into a group of enemies when Price had gotten stabbed.

"What the fuck were you thinking lad?" Price hisses harshly under his breath, eyes boring a hole between your brows. He's standing at the foot of the medical bed, watching your chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm. "What the fuck were you thinking?" You better not die so he can kill you himself.

He doesn't expect you to answer, knocked out as you are with your chest wrapped in fresh bandages after the docs fished out who knows how many bullets from your torso— 16, his inner omega reminds him, 16 bullets he took for You.

He sighs, "You're a lucky muppet." Walking around the bed he places a hand on your thigh, slowly inching up to rest on your lower abdomen, dark red spots denoting where bullet wounds lie. "But a stupid alpha." He growls. It's a good thing military alphas are like walking tanks of fat and muscle, you can take a few hits, though the thought does little to soothe his omega when you lay unconscious.

He doesn't even notice he's making a small distressed sound in his chest until your eyes flutter open, squinting from the harshness of artificial lights before you notice him looming over you; something between a guardian angel and death itself.

"Price?" Your nose twitches, lungs expanding despite the ache in your chest to catch his scent, your alpha noticing the sharp acrid taste hiding his usual pine smell. "What happened?" You ask, achy as you are you manage to tilt your head enough to let out a low chest vibrating purr, seeking to calm your omega.

"What happened, it that you dumb muppet almost died!" He hisses, anger making his scent even harsher, hating himself how his omega swoons at the purr, at how you put him before yourself even when you're knocking on death's door. "Were you trying to get killed?"

You hand your head and look away. You can scarcely recall what happened, the drugs and adrenaline muddling your mind so any memory comes out like an abstract painting, but one detail remains — Rage.

A Deep.

—bleeding flesh neath your fingernails, painfilled screams silenced by your snarls—

Dark.

—the 'crack' of bone against stone as the strength behind your hands forced the skull to shatter, blood and brains splashing against your face—

Animalistic.

—desperate hands scrambling against your head, the frantic pulse beneath your tongue rapidly dwindling once your teeth dug deep enough to tear through the jugular—

Rage.

You don't remember ever being as angry as you'd been when you'd seen Price clutching his side, the bloodied blade of a knife clenched between his fingers, unknown hostiles encroaching towards him. Your omega had been injured. Your omega had been injured. And you didn't think twice, vision turned as red as his blood with a singular thought of Kill Kill Kill banging on your skull you didn't even notice you were bleeding.

Like a proper animal. Like something you've been trying to prove you're not.

"I'm-" You swallow, though cleaned, you can still taste the blood of the enemy whose throat you'd torn out, your teeth still stained red. "-sorry. I'm sorry."

"'I'm sorry' he says, is'at the best you've got?" Price presses on, coming closer and bracing a hand on your chest, his limb vibrating from your purr. It's hard to stay mad at you when you're doing this, his omega wanting nothing more but curl next to you, to share warmth and protect you while you recover. "What was going through your thick skull? Wait, let me guess: Nothing." Still he persists, not showing what he's feeling.

You hang your shoulders low and head lower still, chewing on your lip as you listen him chew you out. Something sits heavy in your chest, growing bigger with every word he says like a snowball, his anger leaving your alpha —dumb creature that it is— confused and hurt; why is your omega angry, when you protected him? When you nearly died for him? When you love him—

“Well, I’m sorry I fell in love with you, okay?" You snap, rough and angry, your gaze fixed on his. You stop purring, leaving the room too cold and silent without it. "But it happened and I can’t do shit about it.”

“You… What?”

You flinch and suck in a breath as pain flares across your body. You expected a lot of different responses, from anger to indifference to being told you're out of the taskforce. . . not that.

"Lad." Price's voice is unnervingly calm, one hand on your scruff, the other holding your chin, the sudden contact of his skin on yours fooling your alpha into letting him tilt your head to meet his eyes. "Repeat that. Slowly."

You gaze into his eyes, so many things swirling in the blue yet you're unable to tell any of it. Slowly you breathe in, "I. . . I love you." You say, open and honest and too vulnerable for an old omega like him.

". . .oh, you stupid alpha." Price almost laughs, dimples around his mouth as he smiles. Like puzzle pieces something clicks in his head.

Before his words can feel like a slap to your face he leans in, your foreheads bonking together before you find the right angle for his lips to meet yours. He tastes like his cigars and black coffee and everything you thought he would, your body melting into his, your nose full of his scent, your brain full of him.

"Could have told me without nearly dying." You separate to catch your breaths, foreheads resting against each other, breathing the same air and only now do you notice Price is purring. It's not the same bone rattling purr alphas can produce, but just as soothing, and you can't help but giggle when your own purr causes his to become louder.

You think, maybe, everything will be alright—

"After you get better." He whispers against your lips, soft and sweet, saccharine pine scent sticking to your nose like amber. "You and I will have a long talk about safety."

Maybe not.

#Gnome's Prompt Game #gnome correspondence #cod mw2 #x reader #trinkets from the hoard #male reader #top male reader #captain john price #abo dynamics #omegaverse #alpha reader #captain john price x reader #captain john price x male reader

[noneorother]

would you care for a very stupid GO2 meta?

I would like to explain for you, the really dumb joke at the heart of the title Chapter 2: The clue featuring the minisode A Companion to Owls.

A companion to owls seems like a strange choice for a title to this episode, there are absolutely no owls mentioned in the episode, and besides birds being referenced everywhere in season two, why specifically a “companion” to them?

Well for one, these two very specific actors are acting as heroes to this episode.

Why have Peter Davison on “this” episode instead of say, being the bartender in the pub, or a Whickeber street trader?

Because then you don’t get to make this joke in the title of your episode : Aziraphale acts as a helper to both the fifth and tenth Doctors, basically making him a DOUBLE COMPANION. (Companion being the title of the sidekick in DrWho).

But don’t worry they are both BIBLICAL doctors as well.As we all know, Bildaddy the Shuite here is an OBSTETRICIAN/shoemaker.

And if you read the book of job, where the quote “a companion to owls.” comes from in the book of job, you will find that it’s usually interpreted as a metaphor for a doctor’s account of dealing with patients illnesses and death.

A(ziraphale) : Companion2Owls

But to OWLS? Here it is: the dumbest joke in the series. “What do you call two Doctors standing next to each other? Who Who.”

okay you can cart me away now.

#neil gaiman i see what you did there and i love it #art director talks good omens #good omens season two #good omens meta #go season 2 #go meta #good omens season 2 #good omens 2 #crowley x aziraphale #bildad the shuhite #bildaddy #bildad brainrot

[mysterycitrus]

This may be nothing, or a dumb thought, but I'm curious as your thoughts on Dick (despite being with Bruce for most of life) keeping the name Grayson as an homage to his parents and where he came from, and what might change for him with that name being a reference to Talon/the prophecy he was bred for instead?

beloved anon im gonna be so expeditiously for real with u right now and say i am the number one court of owls hater. the “gray son” is one of the dumbest retcons ive ever read. william cobb sounds like a frozen food mascot. everything about it on a metatexual level super sucks. tying dicks destiny to a preplanned prophecy by a sewer death cult completely delegitimatises the connection bruce makes that night at the circus — that anyone, rich or poor, can experience profound loss in an unjust system. the only thing i hate more is the joker being the one who killed the waynes. i simply do not see it 😌

anyway wrt the grayson name i like the idea that it was anglicised when they crossed the atlantic and then just stuck that way. dicks position in gotham vs the other wayne kids is thee most isolating and foreign — he’s lost every connection to his life and family, and he’s stuck in an unfamiliar city with a bunch of strangers in a big house on the hill. the same as with robin, it makes sense he’d cling to what he had left. he’d be stuck under a new spotlight, with a different audience, and to keep himself safe he’d hold onto the name grayson, protecting the memory of his parents, with both hands and never let go.

do i think he’d ever take the wayne name? eh, probably not. out of bruces kids (excluding duke for obvious reasons) i think neither dick or jason would ever change their names. if jason hadn’t died? maybe. but not now, and never again. the little dance dick and bruce have been doing round each other for twenty or so years where they are both father and son and best friends and brothers is so difficult to untangle that they don’t even try. bruce has nightmares in canon of being confronted by the graysons for taking their son from them. i imagine that while he’d never say it, whenever bruce hears dick referred to by paps as “richard wayne” there’s some deeply buried, burning pride. but he would never dare to speak it aloud.

#i can’t remember where i read it but the idea of dick purposely hiding sincerity to put on a performance in gotham….. That Speaks 2 Me #dick grayson #bruce wayne #nightwing #batman #dc comics #the ask and the answer

[louebel]

— [ 𝐑𝐄𝐉𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐄 .ᐟ ]

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: g5 luffy × gn!reader 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨/𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: 1717 wc, spoilers for wano... kinda? sfw, fluff, all fluff. a lil' goofy, plot is kinda w a c k y, kaido almost kills you but not in the way you think — and i can't he just looks so silly 'n lovely. i wanna hug him so bad 'n swing him around like a whip. look at him, LOOK. and dripping divider by @ benkeibear !! 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: as the fight continues, you can't help but worry for luffy. you decide to reach him... and you realize it was stupid of you to think he'd be in trouble.

"Luffy!"

Specks of dust littered everywhere. Debris replaced what were once massive boulders, crumbling beneath the force of one of the Emperors of the Sea and the man who would one day become the King of Pirates; your captain.

Your eyes widened at just how battered the top of Onigashima was. You shouldn't expect any less from them, but it still baffled you. They were so unbelievably strong. So strong you couldn't help but be worried.

You believed in Luffy, of course, you did. But when fighting such monsters... even he could have a hard time. So you made it your job to reach the top floor and get to him, the same medicine Zoro was infused with resting in your hands (you stole it) — it was no easy task and probably the dumbest thing you could ever think of, but somehow, you managed to do it. Surprise overtook you before as guards were taken out by a surge of haki coming from above; one that managed to shake you too. It was tremendous. You felt a little light-headed from it, but thankfully you handled it well.

As tremendous as it was, you could tell who it was from. It wasn't from Kaido, no. Some of the shockwaves you felt before had violence, brutality, and bloodthirsty intent oozing from them. This one, however, was very different; almost... warm.

Then, you reached the top. And here you are.

Other than the landscape, the air around you was rather chilly. Distinct from inside, another dimension altogether. Too cold, somehow refreshing. A shudder traveled down your spine, goosebumps all over your skin. The moon above was lustrous, the sky limpid and not as bleak as before. You felt at peace.

Which was weird considering...

"OOOOH!"

There was a dragon coming right towards you.

"... H—huh?"

Jaw slackened, eyes widening — your expression morphed from concerned to straight-up comical in less than a second. There was Kaido, in all of his glory, flying in your direction at probably a thousand kilometres per second and you remained still, not even running because whether you did sprint away from him or not the outcome was still the same. Death.

That one time you do something dumb you regret it. How could you possibly dodge that gargantuan lizard? You were an ant compared to him — wait, were you dreaming or he looked as shocked as you? — you were done for.

"AAAAAAAH!!"

Screams tore from both of your lungs in unison. Then, the ground beneath you turned... malleable, making you lose your balance and fall — the long blue dragon right above you crashing in a nearby pillar, pebbles and rocks scattering like fireworks. You, on the other hand, were sent in the air thanks to the elastic pavement.

Boing, boing, boing.

Perhaps luck was on your side... strangely enough. The floor felt oddly comfortable; soft yet stiff, the texture not at all feeling like dirt and rocks. Groaning, you pushed yourself up, shaking your pulsing head, the ache faintly going away.

"Heeeeey!"

Then, a call; one that made you snap your neck with how swiftly you looked up. Not just a sound. It's him.

Your pupils dilated at the sight — he was so... different. And yet, it was still him.

"Oh? Oooh? Is that you? It's you! It's you!"

How sweet his voice,

"It's youu~ it, is, you!"

how warm his presence,

"Look at me, look at me! Heeeey! Look at me!"

how lovely he himself.

"Ah..."

"Shishishi! You're looking!"

Your heart might've stopped at that moment. Did he know? He seemed to know. Grinning, laughing, ah, he's coming closer and closer. Luffy, Luffy...

The little mantra in your head replayed in your mouth, his name slipping out unconsciously — the corners of his lips curving up; broad, glowing, and so so familiar, so comforting. His hair seemed velvetlike to the touch... Perhaps it resembled rubber? No, marshmallows. He was a big marshmallow right now. Was he even real?

"Yeah! That's me! It's me!" twirling, bouncing, flailing around; he did not stop at all. Oh, no, he didn't — not until he saw you laugh. Not until he heard that precious sound. He had to do it now that you were here. You were worried, weren't you? He could tell. That slight inclination of your brows — He had to ease you!

There was nothing to worry about.

... If only he knew you were just analysing him with extreme concentration.

"See? See?"

He spread wider and wider, his arms suddenly changing course and going straight towards you — at the speed of light. He's so, so energetic for no reason. But he always was, wasn't he? And you've always loved it.

"Luffy..."

You wanted to ask what happened to him. How he felt, how he was, what he was, what was going on. But nothing left your lips, other than a breathless, inaudible mumble of his name. It made him laugh, and with that same buoyant tone, he shouted yours. You could not help but melt further.

"Yeah! It's me, it's me!"

It's him. Luffy. The tottery wobble of your knees quickly became a full-on quake, you couldn't move, you just couldn't. He seemed to — no, he knew. Your brief struggle, your sudden hypnosis.

At that moment, something, in the back of his mind, called to him,

"Come to me. Please come to me."

And it oddly resembled your voice. It came from his heart. Instinct, perhaps — plain as that. Who was he to not follow it, he who always did? It was alright. You didn't have to move at all. He'll come to you.

"I'm coming there! I'm right there!"

His hands finally grasped your shoulders after he yelled. So precious, so... silly. Yes, it's him. He hurled himself like a rocket, just to briskly stop right before you, his face now smashed against yours. His appearance was so different... so adorable. He will always, and inevitably, be him,

"Luffy."

"Shishishi! Hey! Hello!"

Not even Heaven could compare to him. Nothing could compare to him.

The biggest grin on the planet — his cheeks, faintly pink and so warm under your palms, were crinkled as he showed all the rows of his teeth. Dazzling, rotund vermilion eyes met yours, twinkling moreso at the sight of you. You looked so pretty right now. Did you know? He always thought you looked pretty. But you had something different now, something he couldn't describe with words. Though his tongue wouldn't collaborate, he could tell it was positive. You... you're—

"You look weird!" ironic how he spurted out those words when he's the one that metamorphosed. Even his clothes... once a vibrant red, now a blinding white.

"Ah... it's just — you're..."

"Me?"

Luffy tilted his head, his grin remaining. "You're wonderful, lovely, ethereal," is what you wanted to say if only your voice hadn't failed you, stuck in your throat, struggling to be liberated. A few moments passed, your mouth agape and your captain happily waiting. Then,

"You're..." something came out, "so, so...  beautiful, Luffy. I can't... you know?"

Ah, there it is.

See, he knew! And so, he laughed. And laughed, and laughed, and laughed; boisterous, contagious laughter that never, ever ends, the one you could hear every time you were down, for he would always bolt there where you sat, no matter what. A constant reminder that you were never alone. He will always be with you.

"Hehehe. I do!" chuckles and giggles seeped from his sentences, rending them clipped and broken. So warm, so warm — your chest mimicked his soon enough, sweet laughter bubbling from your throat too, lighting him up. If a fire was in his heart, now there was a whole festival. Your voice was so, so..! You know?

"You, pff, you do?"

"Yeah! Hahaha, I do! I do!"

If anyone were to see you both, they'd probably think you were out of your minds. You could picture it, your friends scolding you both, just to laugh after too. It was, so normal, so simple, yet it made you smile even more, and that caused him to do so too.

And then, then, he couldn't help himself; please forgive him, okay? He really couldn't help it! Those limbs that stretched so far to grab you, were now enveloping you both like a cute little present — hehe, a cute little present! — getting tighter and tighter, but not too much, just perfectly. Torso heaving up and down, his curious, rough yet tender hands coming to rest on your cheeks, his chortles fortissimo as he poked, pressed, squished them; nimble fingers pinching and pulling the skin, making you giggle even more. It did nothing to ease the heat within you, oh no it didn't. There was only more. More, more and more.

Was he greedy? (He was,) Look at you — you were so happy! You're enjoying it! You're laughing! He wanted to see you happy, always. The crew, his friends, you, you...

Maybe he was a little greedy (so greedy.) But for you, he'd gladly be.

"Oh, Lulu... Luffy!"

"Yeah!! Yes! Heheeheh!"

You both managed to pepper each other with some kisses — his giggles so cute and mellow — before the reality of the situation struck you both. The enemy's sluggish roar rang in both of your ears,

"Oi, Strawhat! What the hell are you doing, getting all kissy-kissy with your partner? I thought we were fighting!"

Right. Your captain was supposed to free this country. You both forgot.

"Oh, right! Kaido!" he perked up, untangling himself from you and shifting his attention to the enormous blue reptile, "Sorry, I got distracted. It'll take no time, just watch!" he tenaciously said, though a noticeable pout was on your lover's face.

"Y—yes, Lu... Go kick his ass." you muttered dreamily, a dumb dopey grin on your face, as you watched your boyfriend building a weird-looking cage with the floor to "protect" you before goofily walking up to Kaido, bouncing around in a frenzy like a spring.

All that was left was the show. And boy... did you have fun watching him beat that overgrown reptile up — your cackles fuelling the Warrior of Liberation. Soon, he'll hear the others, too. Soon, everyone's laughter will echo in this land, free from torment. He'll have a big, delicious banquet with you...

And all will certainly rejoice.

#one piece imagine #one piece scenario #one piece x reader #one piece x you #luffy x reader #luffy x y/n #luffy x you #monkey d luffy x reader

[doki-doki-imagines]

Hello! I came up with an idea for bi-han and Tomas. What would your reaction be like waking up naked next to your secret crush? As if they had a dinner with more friends the night before and they overindulged in alcohol, which led them to this situation. You don't have to do it if you don't want to ;)

bonus at the end!

Bi-Han: -Waking up with a headache pounding in your head is already terrible. -But also turning around and having your crush face at one inch of distance, nose already brushing against each other, is a heart attack inducing experience. -You don't scream, soul already left your body long ago, but you stop breathing, worried you may wake up the grumpy grandmaster. -You don't remember anything about the previous night, but you still have clothes on. -But these aren't yours. -This is gonna be remembered as the day you grew more than one lock of white hair. -You spot your clothes on a chair, so you lift up slowly as you can, trying to regain your clothes and possibly disappear without leaving any trace. Forever. -"What do you think you are doing?" It's a voice you recognize way too well. The clearness of it not matching the owner face, tho. Eyes half closed and hair perfect as a nest. His very cold hand grabbed your ankle, stopping you in your place. "Home? Under the ground? Disappear?" -Now he looks better at you, onyx eyes piercing your body, mouth slightly open trying to elaborate your words, like you just said the dumbest thing on the planet. -"Nothing happened yesterday night, go back to sleep." "Can you elaborate a bit more?" You politely ask, still not feeling same. -"Yesterday you got drunk like a some dumb teenager and never stopped clinging to me. I just helped you." He groans, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. "Why am I wearing your clothes then?" "You poured your nth drink on yourself, and I didn't want your dirty and sticky clothes in my bed." "Oh." A few seconds of silence, his hand now pulling your ankle towards the bed, getting more forceful. -"So, you took care of me! You have a soft spot for me!" You shout in excitement, making Bi-Han groan again "Ohhh do you have a crush for me, Grandmaster?" His pillow hit you straight in the face. -There must still be alcohol running in your blood because you would never be so brave in daily life. -"Don't worry, it's the same for me!" And something clicks in Bi-Han's mind, you see it in his eyes, now awake, mouth slightly open; he almost looks awestruck. -"Go back. It's too early now." He grumbles back, eyes close again and head on his pillow, yours thrown somewhere in the room after hitting your face. -You plop next to him immediately. After all those trainings, you are sure he wouldn't mind if you use his biceps as a pillow.

Tomas Vrbada: -You wake up in his arms, trapped in his hold. Not because he is actually holding you, his arms are simply heavy, and you are too tired to move them. -You want to die, worm your way out of his bed, and pop away in a cloud of smoke. -Maybe your thoughts are too loud, and soon you hear a groan, greyish eyes now open, looking straight into yours. -"Oh! Eheh. Seems like we got closer again while sleeping." You gulp, your mouth still dry. "What happened yesterday?" -You sit up, and he follows you, trying to keep the same eye level. "It was an…intense night. Maybe it's better if we talk in the kitchen." You nod. "The? Coffee?" You tell him your choice, now you are standing up, noticing that you aren't wearing the clothes of yesterday night, but what it seems a layer of Tomas' usual suit. -"Yesterday you drank too much, and kept clinging on me." "…" "Then when I brang you to my house, you poured on your clothes the water I gave you." "Wow I was a fucking mess." "Well I can't say the opposite. That's why you are wearing a part of my suit." Tomas says, turning sideways. There a fat red hickey catches your attention. -"I must have ruined your fun." You say, chuckling with death in your heart. "What do you mean?" He replies, furrowing his eyebrows. You point at your neck, where his hickey should be. His eyes widened before looking down bashfully, making you feel even worse. -"This…you made this." -WHAT. It's the turn of your eyes to widen. "You were a bit touchy-feely yesterday." -You felt like barfing, and not for the alcohol. "This is terrible Tomas! I'm so sorry." You say, voice full of sorrow for your actions. "D-Don't worry. But you need to promise me this-" "I swear I'll never drink again, I'll never bother youo, I-" "No, please listen. I think we need a bit of distance between us." -Straight to your heart. Hit and sunk. -"Don't misunderstand. I-I have a crush on you." Tomas says holding your hand, but eyes still on the ground. "Yesterday hurt like nothing else. I wanted to kiss you back and love you. But I didn't want to take advantage of you. It just isn't right." Now his grey eyes look back into yours, expression serious. -"I don't want our friendship to be ruined because of my feelings-" "I like you back." Tomas' mouth hangs open. You don't give him the time to reply. "I have been for a long time. That must be why I kept clinging to you yesterday. Now, if you want distance because I did something wrong I agree with you. But if you want distance because your crush may not be reciprocated, I have to deny your request." Your head still hurts like crazy and you don't know with which strength you are able to talk with such determination in your voice. -Now both your hands holding. Heart beating in unison. -"N-No, I mean. It's the second case. Like…do you really have a crush on me?" Tomas's cheeks get more and more red each second going by. His voice a bit higher than usual. "I do." -He releases your hands, now covering his face. "I can't believe this. You really have a crush on me?" "If you ask again I may change my mind." "No! Okay, you have a crush on me." "I do. You too?" "Absolutely." -"So…don't I look cute?" You say twirling around, his suit fluttering when you twirl on your place. "Yes, you do." He finally looks at you, but looks at you for real. Your bedhair, makeup smudged and his suit makes you look absurdly cute. -"Don't you think cute things should be kissed?" He nods. "Tomas?" "Mh?" He replies, mind clearly elsewhere. "Kiss me." This time the message was delivered. -Thankfully you both forgot to have morning breath.

bonus under the read more!

I know that with "you" you meant the reader, not my opinion in waking up in such a scenario, so I'm gonna write down here what I would do LOL.

Bi-Han: I can't believe that I would sleep with him even if intoxicated. But if it happeend I'll just crawl away and hope to never see him again. If he notices me I'd say something along the "I thought you were Johnny Cage". At that point I'm sure that I would be able to exit his house, dead or alive. Probably dead.

Tomas: Oh-I forgot what happened, maybe we should remake what happened yesterday night *twirling hair*. Maybe once won't be enough? Let's go for twice. You know what? Three is the perfect number, are you ready. 1-2-3 go!

#mk x reader #mk1 x reader #mortal kombat x reader #bi han x reader #bi han #bi han sub zero #tomas vrbada #tomas x reader #smoke x you #mk smoke #mk headcanons #mk1 headcanons #mortal kombat headcanons

[is-the-snake-video-cute]

Who is the dumbest snake you’ve ever met? Like I’m-not-even-sure-how-you’re-alive level dumb. Absolutely brainless. The lights are on but nobody has ever been home. I say all of this with love, and with the knowledge that it’s probably a hognose.

So, I love my sweet hognose Sirius with my entire heart. He's one of the best snakes in the world and I love him so so much. But, like, the lights aren't even on up there. He has never had a thought in his entire life.

For the complete first year of his life he insisted on eating every single pinky mouse I gave him sideways. Every week he folded those things into his mouth like a taco and just...forced 'em down like that. He did not learn until he was like a year old and it suddenly clicked that it would be easier to eat them from any other direction. When you hold him, he'll spend a while trying to burrow between your fingers and just be completely clueless why that isn't working out for him. He tries to eat the walls of his enclosure on a very regular basis.

Also, honorable mention to my Trans Pecos ratsnake Stede, who is completely brainless but in a way that makes it seem he's like this by choice. He's not a dumb snake. He's an ambassador in training and he's legit one of the most polite, easiest snakes I've ever had the pleasure of working with. He picks things up quickly and he has a great attitude, I love him to death.

But. He makes the worst choices. He's so clumsy I legitimately gave him neurological evaluations because he was falling off things so much it concerned me. I've seen him, multiple times, climb up to the top of his branches, try to support his weight on the skinniest branch he can find, fall down, and then immediately try again. He's gotten stuck inside the door to his hides by trying to wedge his entire body through at once. Sirius is dumb; with Stede it's like he's intentionally putting his braincells aside and saying "I don't need those right now."

#not a rating #my snakes