#even if you're good at it and don't totally hate it never fully being yourself is just draining

[vaporwavewitchbitch]

I'm dismantling Steve Harrington in my mind btw also projecting on to him but that's to be expected

#every single one of his actions contradicts who he is set up to be in the first season and I literally cannot get enough of it #the idea that he was just going through the motions until his ex gf's kid brother and friends were like you're our mom now #the fuckin turn around on this guy I swear #anyway to me he was only ever popular because of his parents expectations + the looks + left alone with the big house combo #this guy is hot and throws the best ragers so obviously he's popular but then he doesn't know a single movie #and he can't walk without tripping half the time and almost never wins a fight #he's adopted all the outcast kids he's soulmates with the lesbian band geek #I can just imagine him getting past the fear of losing his reputation and then immediately being like oh thank god that's over actually #it's so exhausting to pretend to be what you're not for other people #even if you're good at it and don't totally hate it never fully being yourself is just draining #i said I was projecting didn't I

[letterlitter]

Pacify Her

Lando Norris x reader

•Tags: smut, toxic Lando, hate-fuck, makeup sex

•Loosely based on a song by Melanie Martinez with the same title.

•Wordcount: 1.6k

It was unbearable how Lando squeezed this new girl's thigh and whispered in her ear. You knew it was to make you jealous, he was a tease even more when you two were in a relationship. You had really bad arguments that let to the decision of splitting, but since you didn't want to break up the friend group, you agreed to just say the relationship ended on good terms and decided to be friends which was a total lie and both of you knew it.

Now, only a couple months after everything, Lando had shown up with a new "girlfriend" which drove you absolutely mad how uncouth he could be. Bringing this girl in your group out of the blue fully knowing that neither you nor himself had moved on from that deep, long term thing you had.

She looked at you like she wanted to be your friend and get your validation so bad. You didn't know if Lando had told her you were his ex. He didn't even dare mention it when he was introducing her. You automatically hated her, although her big brown eyes seemed lovely and innocent. She didn't have a clue what she had gotten herself into. You pitied her cluelessness.

You noticed Lando's griny glances at you, he kept making sure you were looking before each kiss he left on her cheek. The bastard had all his moves coordinated and planned but you had been with him for too long not to see right through his facade.

You were at your limit, who was he to inflict this hurt on you after all that he had done?

Rage made your body dense as you walked towards Lando's house the night after, when you made sure nobody else was with him. His Friday nights had always been free on purpose to sleep until noon, game, and sleep again. You remember trying to wake him up for lunch and he was dead asleep because he had stayed awake to play with friends.

You rang and he buzzed the door open without asking. Walking towards the stairs you noticed the rose garden you had planted in a corner. The thought of Lando's face after a thorn had poked him in the arm and how he treated the flowers as his enemies forced your lips into a fainted smile. You hated that his memories made you happy. You hated it was him you had those memories with.

You pushed the thoughts away and tried to focus on why you were here. Lando opened the door, a confused look on his face, "y/n? What is it why are you here?"

"We need to talk." And you stormed in.

"Please come in, make yourself comfortable." The sarcasm in his voice was familiar, and now that you weren't in love with him, infuriating.

"Want to talk about what?"

"About how you're being such an asshole."

"Excuse me?"

"Don't act like this Lando I know you did those things on purpose."

"Damn I don't know what you're talking about." He kept his sarcastic tone. You hated it.

You pushed his chest back in anger, "stop playing with me. You know damn well this girl you keep bringing is just a doll to mess with my head."

Lando smiled as if he had been expecting these words from you.

"This is way too low, even for you Lando."

"Everyone thinks we're friends, why can't friends introduce their new girlfriends to their other friends?"

"I'm not everyone. I know this is a lie stop trying to make it sound casual."

"What do you expect me to do? Stay single until you're over me?"

"Yes!" The loud sound that exited your mouth surprised you as it did Lando. You never planned to sound weak or needy. You just wanted to get closure, "look. I'm not trying to control your life or whatever, but what you're doing to make me jealous is messy and fucking pathetic. Fix it. Goodbye." And you started walking towards the door.

"Well did it work?" Lando's voice stopped you. He sounded sort of genuine for the first time in months.

You kept silent and still, wondering what to answer. Turning around to face him you said, "well do you love her?"

"Of course I do. She's very real."

You took one step closer, "stop lying."

Lando took a step closer to you, "stop being jealous."

You took one more step, "she looks way too innocent for you. I pity her."

Lando took another step , "I can teach her."

-"Funny."

-"I know."

-"You're insufferable."

-"I know."

Silence.

Now you were only one step away from eachother. Only one breath. You were mad at him and the tension felt heavy in the air as the sun was halfway set. His eyes looked crazy blue in the last golden rays of sunshine coming in fron his big windows. His face stingy and lips so soft it made you even more angry at him.

Your self control was getting shaky and you felt it shatter when Lando swinged his arms up to hold your face to kiss you deeply on the lips.

You squeezed your hand on his arm in protest to rip him off of you before it was too late but he was desperate.

He kept kissing you harder and harder like you gave him air to breathe.

You hated this. You hated the way his body pulled you in and you hated how it felt so good. He knew his way with you. Every single button, all the nooks and crannies.

You finally eased into the kiss, letting go of Lando's hoodie that was balled up in your fist and started to kiss him back.

His hands unzipped your sweatshirt and pulled it off your arms as soon as he felt that you wanted this as well. You let him. He slipped his hand under your tshirt, pinching your belly, messaging your back.

You let out a heavy exhale.

"I missed you." He whispered into your mouth, putting his lips on yours before you could say anything back.

Lando's hands moved down to your jeans but you held onto his hand to prevent him from going on. He stopped kissing you.

It was all too much for you and you hated him for being so good at this. You stared dead into his eyes, knowing full well that you were helpless, and said, "you fucking bastard."

He giggled when you pressed your debating lips on his again.

You let him kiss your lips, your neck, your collarbone, your breasts, your belly. You let him get down on his knees for you, between your legs.

His wet tongue on you made you jump in a surprising pleasure. The tip of his tongue moving in circular motions, in search of the place that made you moan the loudest. You tried fighting the sensation but failed miserably when he raised his finger to your entrance, messaging and warning about what's to come.

The moan that left your lips after he pushed his finger inside you was involuntary. You could feel Lando smiling on your pussy with the sound. He kept moving his tongue with your hand in his curls; pumping his finger and pulling moans out of you until you felt like you could take it no more. That's when Lando pulled his now soaked finger out and stood up, Leaving you clenching around nothing.

He faced you again to continue his kisses; you could taste yourself on his lips as he took off your tshirt and your bra, leaving you completely naked in the middle of the house. He looked at you once more before taking off his own hoodie you've been pulling on to get rid of since the start, he turned you around and got closer. His bulge rubbing against your butt from under his sweatpants.

"You're so pretty." He whispered into your ear, "wait here okay?"

You turned around to see him almost run to his bedroom to get condoms and you got a chance to take a look at his smooth, tan skin as he walked back.

Lando kissed you shoulder and your back as he slowly bent you over the handle of the couch. Messaging your body as he bent on you to let you feel his skin, his pants were off, your could feel his hard dick against the back of your leg. He adjusted himself on you and pushed in. You weren't hesitant to moan anymore. His length inside you was a familiar sensation of pleasure after this long. He was all you needed.

Lando started pumping deeper into you, making you feel fully stretched. You could hear his little groans and exhales when he grabbed your neck to make you arch your back more, pulling your head towards his mouth. "I bet nobody fucked you like this since I was gone." And he started moving faster. You pushed back your body into his, blurring the lines infront of your eyes.

You came within seconds after that.

He pulled out of you. You turned around quickly, grabbed his shoulders and lead him to the couch to sit down.

"Could you ever teach her this?"

And you climbed on top of him, each leg on each side. Leading his still erect dick to your hole and pushing down on him. Lando threw his head back with a moan. You took his hands and put them on your ass. He squeezed his hands with every movement you made.

You started kissing under his ear, where you knew he was sensitive. Moans started turning into whimpers and he started pushing up his legs towards you. You both moved faster as you reached your high. You nails dug into Lando's shoulder and his hands tight around your back when you both came and you collapsed into his arms.

****

"What a stupid decision." You said through your panting and you both giggled since you knew you were going to make more.

(This is the first time I'm posting a smut one shot online sorry if it's short or lacking♡)

#lando norris #lando norris x reader #lando x reader #f1 x female reader #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic #lando norris smut #f1 smut

[bumblebeesfromvenus]

Simon Riley NSFW hcs ♡

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Two lovely people asked for my NSFW Simon headcannons and I'm happy to provide!!

Just a disclaimer, these are my headcannons. If you have ones that are totally different, that's okay!

He's fictional and can be whatever you want him to be <3 (except a rapist. We don't do that here.)

If you have any COD thoughts or requests, my inbox is open!!

~ Fi 🐝

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ────── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ────── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

I'm a soft!Simon truther until death.

There's not a single reality in which I can see him ever being too rough with you, let alone hurting you.

First of all, he has no fucking clue what he's doing. He's maybe had sex 2-3 times in his life and I don't think any of them were memorable or good.

I'd wager that all of them were hookups, encouraged by other soldiers to "let off steam". But Simon just can't do it, it feels so wrong. To give himself so fully to someone he doesn't even know.

There needs to be an emotional connection in order for him to feel comfortable and good. He needs to trust and love this person before he can do anything with them.

It's gonna take a while for him to open up, but once he does everything is smooth sailing.

(I also don't think he masturbated excessively. He probably jerked off, everyone gets horny, but especially if we say he's on antidepressants, his sex drive is pretty low. He's either too tired or just doesn't care)

Your first time together was fueled by a, not so uncommon, make-out session on his couch. It'd usually end with you grinding on his thigh or rubbing yourself over his clothed cock until you both reached a satisfactory end.

Simon thinks he could live an entire relationship with only sticking to dry humping, but in reality he's just terrified of the intimacy of real sex.

It's not too romantic, none of that rose petals lit candle stuff. It's not that Simon hates all of that, but I just think it'd be too much for the first time.

He's already so nervous (so are you probably if we're honest) and all that extra stuff would overwhelm the fuck out of him.

(He will spoil you with rose petals and candles another night, even if it just ends you with you falling asleep in eachother's arms <3)

Eventhough it's soft and sweet, you're both still very horny and basically rip the clothes off of the other.

Foreplay is important!!! (For all my girlies who don't drip down their thighs)

Not only for you but for him too. Even if he's rock hard already, he wants to enjoy himself, maybe be a tease. He will always make sure that you're okay and ready (and so will you bc he deserves it).

Would literally eat you out to calm himself down. He probably has fallen asleep while licking your pussy, it's his personal meditation.

Your taste, the way you feel on his tongue and the fact that he was two perfectly good pillows wrapped around his head made it easy for him to nod off.

Also, he prefers it hairy. (Fight me.) (pls don't)

I know it's cliche but he's like 2 seconds away from just coming inside of you the second he pushes in. Not only does he feel good but when he looks down he sees you and he could cry from how happy he is. He just loves you so much.

Can we please put the "You only take half of him" bullshit to rest??? Thank you. We all know Simon as BDE but let's keep it on the real side okay. He couldn't give less of a shit if you can take him to the hilt or not.

(Some gals physically can't bc if your vaginal canal is too short, then it's impossible. You don't want a bruised cervix, so don't be stupid) I do think when he's more comfortable about it and a little more desperate and rough, he'll play into the size kink.

He probably has a huge size kink anyway but he would never make you feel bad if you couldn't take all of him. (Especially if you're giving him head bc let's be real that thing is not going down no one's throat okay)

He has the prettiest moans. I JUST KNOW IT. they're more throaty and deep but they sound good. I honestly don't think this man is capable of whimpering (like physically. Not with that smoker lung) sorry babes.

Simon isn't too loud, but just enough to make you that much hotter. He will try to pull more moans out of you, like a little challenge for himself.

NONE OF THAT "10 rounds Riley" SHIT. (Have any of y'all ever had an orgasm before like?? Who the fuck is going ten rounds??? Not me that's for sure lmao) it really all depends on your guys' mood and neediness on that day.

I do think he can and wants to go a couple of rounds but it's probably more on the rare side and never more than 4.

He knocks out immediately. He's always tired anyways.

I think his favorite positions are missionary, prone bone, and cow girl. He likes the closeness, wants to feel every part of you and kiss it like his life depends on it.

The further you are into your relationship, the more new stuff you can try out. He's always gonna be hesitant at first but if it's not too out there he'll try it.

Simon will tell you if something is a hard no for him and he expects you to respect, just as he would for you.

Would 100% make you ride his face. Wants to he smothered in it okay. (Simon said sit, so sit.)

Simon would be down to tying you up (one condition; you're never tied to anything. In case of emergencies)

You won't get him to be tied up though, that's a real hard no.

I think the closest you'd get to a submissive Simon is if you order him around.

He's sitting on his knees before you and you tell him exactly what you want him to do (one thing Simon Riley can do is follow orders) and he'll pretend to let you be in control and maybe you are for a while, but deep down he's always in control (not necessarily sexual or possessively, he just needs the security)

He loves to get head (not as much as giving it tho) but he will never ever force his cock down your throat, even if you begged him.

He can't do it, won't do it. Has he had the urge and fantasies?? Sure, but it goes against everything he promised when you got into a relationship.

Sweetly suck on his tip and stroke the rest of his length and he's happy as a clam <3

His absolutely favorite thing is when you ride him in the morning. Just lazy and sloppy circles of your hips while you sit on top of him. He loves the sight.

Simon'll gently hold onto your hips and guide you if need be. It's even better if you're laying flush against his chest and the both of you are snuggled under the blanket.

Bonus; he loves to make-out with you. It's an unhealthy obsession that has led to too much lipgloss/lipstick ingested just bc the fucker couldn't wait 2 minutes for you to take it off.

Kissing you is his number 1 way to show you how much he loves you since words aren't his strong suit.

Needless to say, he's head over heels for you, and the sex is great. <3

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ────── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

I hope you lovelies enjoyed it!

More of my works --> 💫

#bumblebeesfromvenus #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley #simon ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley #simon riley x you #ghost cod #ghost call of duty

[bell4lan]

Nightclub

Genre: Smut

DNI: NON-MLM/NBLM, fujoshis, mlm/nblm fetishizers, trans fetishizers

CW: Semi-public sex, bathroom sex, feminine words used for privates (cunt, pussy), words like t-dick, dick, and folds are used to describe reader's privates too, unprotected sex, creampie, fingering, reader is called "good boy", "baby boy", and "whore", age difference (6 years), alcohol use, they're not too intoxicated to consent I promise

Character(s)/Reader: Top Wriothesley x Bottom Trans Male Reader

You slammed the door as you stormed out of your apartment. Your boyfriend was being a total ass, trying to gaslight and manipulate you into thinking he never cheated on you with one of his friends. Although you didn't explicitly say the words "we're done", you both knew it was over, and he hated that. You still had to get your stuff out of the shared apartment, but you were far too hurt and angry to even see him or anything he owns. Archons, you needed a drink.

You found yourself in a nightclub surrounded by intoxicated college students having the night of their lives. You wish you were in their position. Instead you're a sober college student having the worst night of your life. You scanned the room for the bar and quickly pushed through the crowd once you found it.

"3 shots of tequila please." You said tiredly as you sat down. The bartender nodded and quickly grabbed the shot glasses and filled them with the alcohol. You downed one, face contorting as it burned your throat, it was a good burn.

"Bad night?" A man to your right asked as he watched you down the second shot. You nodded, and then downed the third and ordered 3 more. "What's on your mind?" He asked before sipping his drink. You glanced over at the man expecting some desperate and tired looking college student, but no. The man was older, definitely out of college but definitely not 10 years older than you. He was muscular and tall, dressed in a button down that wasn't fully buttoned up with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and some slacks. He was sexy as fuck.

"My boyfriend cheated on me." You replied flatly and grabbed a fourth shot. The man shook his head disapprovingly as he sipped his drink again, waiting for you to continue. "At first he tried to deny it and say it was all in my head and that I was overthinking, but once I showed him the proof I had he started blaming me for it." You scoffed before downing the fourth shot. You didn't know why you were telling your dirty laundry to a man you started talking to maybe 5 minutes ago, but you needed to get this anger out of your system somehow.

"What a prick." He said, all you did was nod and stare at him.

"So, why are you here? Waiting for someone?" You asked, not wanting to get any angrier from the topic of your ex boyfriend. The man shook his head and sipped his drink again.

"Just relaxing after a long day at work." He said. That explained the outfit he was wearing. You continued the conversation from there, wanting to get to know the sexy man beside you. You barely understood what exactly he did for a living, but you did know he was a powerful man with a powerful position.

"You're a very interesting man (Name), so far the only interesting one i've met here." He chuckled after you told him more about you, making you smile.

"You know, i've learned so much about you and yet I don't even know your name." You pointed out. The man smiled at you before properly introducing himself.

"My name is Wriothesley." He said. His name was unusual, but it suited him well.

"My name is (Name). How old are you Wriothesley?" You asked.

"30. You?"

"24." You responded. He nodded, a little shocked from the age difference. He was expecting you to be at least 26. You smiled at his look of shock and decided to tease him.

"What? Too young for you?" You said, playfully nudging him.

"Not at all, it's only 6 years." He chuckled. Fuck his laugh was hot. This man was the sexiest man you had ever seen in your entire life. It wasn't just his looks. His personality, sense of style, voice, they were all enough to make you squeeze your thighs together in an attempt to calm down.

"I don't think you'd be able to keep up with me old man." You teased.

"You'd be surprised as to what I can do." He replied, smirk growing from your words. The sexual tension between you two was so thick it could be cut with a knife. You wanted him, he wanted you, but you both were hesitating to make the first move.

"Oh yeah? And what can you do?" You asked, moving closer to him. His left hand moved to your thigh and gripped it firmly.

"How about I show you?" He smirked. Your breath hitched and you quickly nodded, not wanting to pass up sex with such a fine man. You both got up and he led you to the bathroom, closing the door once you both were in. The moment you heard the door click closed you kissed him, pushing him against the door as you desperately moved your lips against his. His strong hands gripped your waist and pulled you against him, the both of you moving your hips to grind on each other. He started walking you toward the sink, pushing you up against it as he kissed you. His hands unbuttoned your pants and pulled them down along with your underwear, breaking the kiss to get a good look at you. You realized you never told him you were trans and instantly felt insecure.

"Shit- sorry I should've told you. I was too caught up in the moment and-" You were cut off with a passionate kiss. He pulled away again and cupped your cheek with one hand, the other one on your hip.

"It's fine, don't worry. There's no need to apologize." He said calmly. His words were so kind that you didn't know what to say, so you just nodded. His hand moved from your cheek down to your cunt and felt up your folds and t-dick.

"You're so fucking wet for me. How long have you been thinking about this hm? Be a good boy and tell me." He commanded, voice dripping with seduction. His thumb went to your t-dick and stroked it as he waited for a response.

"S-Since I saw you." You breathed out, trying your hardest to not moan as you spoke. He chuckled, and ran his middle and ring finger along your folds to get them lubed up. He ran them down to your hole and pushed his middle finger in. You moaned quietly at the intrusion, not used to such a thick and long finger inside you. He thrusted it in and out a few times before pushing his ring finger in, biting his lip as you squeezed him.

"You're so tight, I think you'll be the one unable to keep up with me." He whispered as he thrusted the two fingers in and out. Your moans got louder as he sped up, your hands gripping onto his shoulders to help you keep your balance.

Before you could cum, he pulled his fingers out and sucked on them, humming at the taste of you. He unbuttoned his pants and pulled out his cock. Your eyes widened at the size, he was thick and long, longer than your ex that's for sure. He chuckled at your reaction and told you to turn around and bend over the sink. Once you did, you felt his tip rub against your pussy and nudge your t-dick before going back to your hole. Slowly, he pushed himself in, hissing slightly at the tightness. You moaned loudly as your pussy stretched around his cock, getting fuller and fuller and he pushed in.

It wasn't long before he started thrusting into you, thick cock destroying your hole. You held onto the sink as tightly as you could as he pounded you, legs shaking as he fucked into the spot that made you see stars.

"Wr-Wriothesley- Wrio- fuck~." You whined, trying to get his attention. He slowed down a bit so you could speak properly.

"What is it baby boy? Everything alright?" He asked gently. Although he treated you roughly and said the filthiest things to you, he was worried about harming you. All he wanted was to make you feel good.

"U-Uncomfortable- ngh." You stuttered as he slowly thrusted into you. You didn't know how much longer you could stand like this, and the sink pushing against you with every thrust was starting to hurt. He pulled out and turned you around, picking you up so your legs would wrap around his waist. He pushed you against the wall and carefully inserted his cock into you again, biting his lip when you moaned out his name. His pace picked up and soon you were screaming out his name again as he fucked you against the wall.

"Wrio-th-thesley i-i'm so cl-ose!" You whimpered, bucking your hips trying to get him to give your dick some attention. He got your hint, and held you in one hand as the other stroked your t-dick, still thrusting into you.

"Yeah? Y-You gonna cum all over my cock baby boy? How does it feel getting- f-fucked like a whore by a man you met two hours ago h-huh?" He stuttered, feeling himself get closer as your pussy clenched around him, faces just inches apart.

"F-Feels so g-good Wriothesley!" You responded, voice breaking from how close you were. Your thighs tensed as he kept thrusting into you and stroking your t-dick. The thing that pushed you over the edge was him whimpering your name into your ear. You came hard all over his cock, squirting a little bit as he kept fucking you.

"Fuck i'm gonna cum." He whispered as he kept fucking you.

"C-Cum inside me." You whined, tears streaming down your face from the overstimulation. He looked at you a bit worried.

"A-Are you sure?" He asked, dick twitching at the thought of finishing inside you. You nodded quickly and squeezed your cunt around him. Soon after, he came with a groan, hot cum spilling inside of you. His thrusts came to a stop as he softened inside you, both of you trying to catch your breath. He kissed you passionately as you both recovered from your orgasms, tongues intertwining and hands gripping onto each other.

"Fuck i've never met a man as sexy as you (Name). You're fucking perfect." He panted as his thumb ran across your bottom lip. Carefully, he pulled out and grabbed you since you couldn't stand on your own. He looked down and saw as his cum dripped down your leg. You heard him whisper "fuck" before he kissed you again. You couldn't believe you had found such a man, one that showed you more love and care in 2 hours than your ex had in 2 years. You didn't know what kind of relationship you wanted with him, but you knew for sure you wanted to fuck him again.

You broke the kiss to catch your breath and tell him you both should clean up. He nodded, but didn't move. He swallowed heavily as he looked into your eyes, seemingly nervous.

"Would you like to spend the night at my place?" He asked politely, his hand cupping your cheek. You smiled at him and nodded, moving your hand up to hold his.

"Of course, but if you don't clean me up soon I'll change my mind." You said, making him laugh. He quickly yet carefully cleaned you up and helped you get dressed. He held onto you as he led you to the exit, but before you got there you stopped.

"Shit I didn't pay for my drinks. We need to go-"

"Don't worry about it." He cut you off. You looked up at him confused.

"What? Wriothesley i'm not going to leave without paying." You said firmly.

"I own the place baby boy, you don't have to pay." He whispered into your ear. Your eyes widened, a smile forming on your face as you looked at him.

"Do you say that to every guy you take home?" You joked.

"Only the ones that really peak my interest." He said smoothly.

"But you said I was the only interesting guy you've met here?"

"I know." He replied, not looking at you as he led you to his car. You could feel butterflies erupt in your stomach as you realized what that meant. You were the only guy he's taken home? Were you really that special?

Maybe you do want something more with this man. You hoped he felt the same, little did you know he's felt that way since he saw you.

---------------------------------------------------

I was not expecting to start and finish a story today but I really hope you guys enjoy it! I really like this story and am quite proud of it ^^

#genshin impact x male reader #genshin x male reader #ftm reader #wriothesley x male reader

[d10nyx]

sneaking out of heaven pt.2

ft. leon kennedy x fem!reader

part one, part two

cw: parental abuse, religious themes, slight guilt, some fluff n some mean dad stuff :(( leon's a sweetheart, tho <3

a/n: omg a sfw drop from me that's... crazy... um... i'm not sure fluff is my strong suit ngl... was trying something new w this series but uh... yeah there's a reason i'm a smut writer i think lol... smut next chap tho maybe depends on if i make this three or four parts!!

word count: 1.4k words

You've always hated Sundays. It's not God's fault. It wasn't the praying or devotion. It all came from one thing, and one thing alone - your father. The wooden pews made your back ache, and your thighs go numb, but he'd never let you miss a day. Broken limb, head cold… it didn't matter. Appearances were everything, so unless you were dead, you had to be there, and you had to be working hard to make the family look good.

You've never felt like you belonged in the Church, not really. Being the Pastor's daughter meant you were constantly under a watchful eye. Everyone knew your every move, and you couldn't afford to mess up. Your mistakes reflected poorly on your father, and your father didn't take kindly to being made to look a fool.

You haven't really felt like you belonged anywhere, not even in your own home.

But you found somewhere to belong now. You feel like you can fully relax and be yourself when you're with Leon. Growing up, you'd always been alone… but now? You spent more time in Leon's bedroom than you spent in your own house.

That's where you find yourself now, sitting cross-legged on his bed as you struggle to figure out how to work an Xbox. He's doing his best to teach you, trying not to laugh at the confusion gracing your features.

“Come on, princess. You can't be serious.” He says with a laugh as you send the camera spinning midway through another gunfight in COD. “Dude - just… just nudge the right stick. If you hold it, of course it's gonna do that.”

“I'm just… ugh, I don't get how you play this.” You huff, your head thumping lightly against the wall as you let it drop backwards. You don't realise Leon is moving until you can feel his warmth, his breath brushing your ear as he leans in.

“Look, lemme help you. I'll aim, and you shoot. Easy.” He whispers in your ear, tilting his head and resting his chin on your shoulder. His hand rests over one of yours on the controller, his thumb guiding the right stick.

You're not even paying attention to the screen anymore - you just hold down the right trigger and hope for the best as your eyes are locked onto Leon's pretty blue ones.

“See, princess? Your first kill.” He says with a grin, and you quickly snap out of your little staring session, your breaths coming out a little heavier than usual.

“Oh… oh, yeah! Cool, um… thank you.” You manage to force out, trying to calm the rapid beating of your heart.

“What's got you all flustered, huh?” He says with a teasing grin - why is he still so close to you? His hand reaches out to touch your cheek and tilt your head gently to face him when you attempt to look away, his thumb brushing your cheekbone lightly. “Is it me?”

You let out a short, nervous laugh, your eyes flickering to the side for a moment. All you can focus on is the heat of his palm, the way his calluses feel against your smooth skin. “You? No, come on. Don't be ridiculous.”

He blinks a few times as he looks at you, and then his grin widens. His eyes practically sparkle with excitement, his gaze flicking over your features. “Aww, it totally is me!”

You open your mouth to deny it, but then he's brushing his lips against your cheek, and you're sure your heart is about to burst. Looks like you'd be meeting God a lot earlier than you thought. Always thought dad would be the one to send you to Heaven.

“You're real pretty, you know that?” He breathes out, then he's leaning forward to kiss you. It's just a peck, but a whine builds up in your throat as he tries to pull away from you. Your lips chase his, and he's laughing again before he leans down to give you another kiss.

Your lips are clumsy as they move with his. Inexperienced. It's not your first kiss(only because the peck was), but your inexperience is clear. Your hands twitch, wanting to explore his body, but you're too scared to touch him. Too much, too fast.

So you settle for kissing him, but you are 90% sure you're about to go into cardiac arrest when his tongue brushes your lower lip. It feels dirty. Brings the same feelings of guilt to the surface that touching yourself does, and the same kind of feeling, too, because slick is building up in your panties, making them stick to your pussy.

Not that you have the courage to do anything about that though. You just shift awkwardly, uncrossing your legs and squeezing your thighs together as his hands slip down to your waist, tugging your body closer to his. His tongue brushes yours, and you try to meet it halfway, only to be a little too eager.

“Feels like you're trying to eat me.” He says with a chuckle as he pulls away, pressing his lips to your jawline. “Slower. A little less tongue. Otherwise, you're doing great.”

His lips are on you again a second later, and his tongue makes another appearance. You try to follow his instructions, your hands finally finding the strength to reach out and touch his arms. Wow. You didn't realise muscles like that were real. He's hard to the touch, making you shudder. Your hands wrap around his biceps almost curiously as you kiss him.

You lose track of time as you make out with him. Neither of you seem to want to pull away, and it's only the sound of his mom's footsteps coming up the stairs that has you both hastily scrambling to the opposite sides of his bed - especially considering she makes him leave his door open when you're there.

She offers to let you stay for dinner, and you really can't refuse. Not if it means more time with her son.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

When you come home from the Kennedy's house, the kitchen light is on. But it's past 6pm, so the light shouldn't be on. You've always had dinner at the same time every night for your entire life. You feel a sense of unease as you attempt to sneak past the doorway.

“Where do you think you're going?” A harsh voice calls out. Your father. You turn to walk into the kitchen, your head hanging in shame. A strong grip settles on your jaw, fingers digging in hard enough to hurt, but not enough to bruise.

He's smarter than marking you where it's visible.

“Where have you been?” He growls, dragging your face up to meet his eyes. Your mom is upstairs. You know she's awake, because you heard the creaky floorboard in her bedroom as you shut the front door. You also know she won't come downstairs, because she likes to pretend your dad is nice to you.

“The Kennedy's, sir. I didn't mean to come home so late, I… Mrs. Kennedy offered me dinner, and I just… I didn't think it would hurt. I'm sorry. It won't happen again.”

“Yeah, you're damn right, it won't. Don't you think you're a bit close to that boy?”

Your mind goes to the kiss, and you quickly avert eye contact. “Who? Leon? We're just friends, sir… I…”

“I don't believe that for a second.” He interrupts, his grip dropping from your jaw before he smacks you hard across the face, sending your head jolting to the side as tears spring to your eyes. “Proverbs 19:9.”

You swallow the lump in your throat, speaking up with a shaky voice. “A false witness will not go unpunished, and whoever pours out lies will perish.”

“Good. The boy hasn't knocked all sense out of you. Go to your room. I'm dealing with you tomorrow.”

A sinking feeling settles in your chest at his threat, and you slowly climb the steps that lead to your room. You don't even bother changing out of your clothes before flopping into bed, pulling the covers up to your chin.

Your cheek still stings, and you take a few deep breaths to stop yourself from crying. Your father hadn't stopped you from seeing Leon again, but it seemed he wasn't far from it. You'd have to tread carefully. You could sense another one of your father's blow ups building, and you didn't want to be on the receiving end.

Despite everything, as Leon's kiss comes to mind, your lips tug up into a small smile.

#leon s kennedy #leon s kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x you #leon s kennedy x you

[noaltbruh]

Saw requests open. May I request Giorno, Narancia and Fugo with a short petite girlfriend who’s self conscious about her height? So no short nicknames. I’d like to see how they’d like having a short gf 💗 Maybe their reactions to her standing on her tip toes to kiss them or asking them to reach something for her on the top shelf.

Hii Abella! 😊 Always happy to write for you :)

~~~~

Giorno, Fugo and Narancia with a petite S/O

Giorno 🐞

I think that Giorno knows he was supposed to be taller/more muscular, but being malnourished by his mother as a child, he failed to properly develop.

Which means that the idea of making fun of you for your height doesn't even cross his mind from afar. It's not like it's something you can control anyway.

I feel like he'd understand your self-consciousness about your body without you really needing to tell him. The way you look at yourself in the mirror or the comments you make about yourself already clarify everything for him.

Just know that if you ever felt insecure, this boy is ready to fill you with compliments and sweet words until those thoughts go away. He hates to see you criticise yourself, especially for something as insignificant as your height.

He actually thinks that your appearance makes you look cuter than you already are, and it reflects your sweet nature very well. He couldn't imagine you with any other way, he just thinks you're perfect as you are.

He makes you to constantly remind you this, he knows you may still doubt his words from time to time.

Buddy, you won't even have to ask him to get something for you. It's almost as if he has a sixth sense for this sort of thing. Once he thinks you're going to need a book or such, he'll take it down from the shelf and leave it on a table for you.

He doesn't want to see you struggle and figured you might get a bit embarrassed from always asking for help, he prefers to quietly help you as subtly as he can.

Also, I can see him avoiding putting stuff on high shelves in general unless it's absolutely necessary, he knows it must be a pain for you not to be able to do this sort of thing alone.

Definitely likes to take advantage of your figure when it comes to cuddles. Expect a lot of head pats from him, it's one of his favorite ways to show appreciation for you :)

This is a bit extra, but I can totally see him getting down on his knees to kiss your hand or flirt with you, just to make you feel above him, in a sense, and show that he's always at you full service.

He already knew you were going to get on tip toes to kiss him, but he didn't expect you to look so adorable. He'll smile at you softly before gently lowering his head in order to assist you.

He'll definitely pick you up bridal style quite often, so you don't have to struggle every time you try to reach his lips.

Fugo 🍓

Okay, to be frank with you, I don't think Fugo had thought about you possibly being insecure about your height until you hypothetically brought it up yourself.

Not because he doesn't care or he's neglectful to the point of not noticing. It's simply due to the fact that he's never been someone who focused a lot on physical appearance and considers it completely unimportant.

You can basically see hearts in his eyes everytime he looks at you, he could never criticise or believe there was anything wrong with your appearance. He thinks that would be incredibly superficial and hypocritical, considering his own...Fashion sense.

So, when you tell him about this, Fugo is just...Confused. He doesn't get it at first glance, but he's not stupid and can tell it makes you uncomfortable. He'd probably even ask you if anyone ever made you feel bad about your appearance, since it's the only logical explanation to him as to why you'd dislike this aspect of yourself.

Either way, although he doesn't fully grasp this idea, he'll still try his best to make you appreciate yourself like he does.

He's not as good with compliments as Giorno though, so he may sound a bit awkward lol. But I promise he does mean what he's saying and genuinely believes you have no reason to doubt your beauty.

I can even see him writing down what he thinks on paper so that he doesn't come off as extremely embarrassing like he does through words lol.

Whenever he's feeling stressed, Fugo will actually use your appearance for his advantage. In fact, he loves the feeling of leaning on you, specifically your shoulder, when he wants to relax. Your height difference makes it easier for him to do so.

Something similar would happen if the two of your were to read together. He'd shyly ask you if you want to sit on his legs, as he'd let his chin comfortably fall between your shoulder and your neck while you hold the book.

If you ask him to get something for you on a high shelf, he'll just do so without making a big deal out of it. He secretly thinks it's kind of cute and loves to do so, he feels like he's doing something useful.

Do not try to get on a chair to reach it yourself, however, because he WILL get mad. Don't take this the wrong way, he gets that you don't want to bother him, he's just worried you're going to fall off and get hurt.

He's a bit surprised when you get on tip toes, he hadn't realized you had no other choice if you wanted to kiss him. I can see him being conflicted on whether he should lean down on your level or not.

On one hand, he can see that you're struggling a bit and doesn't want to see you like that. On the other, he's afraid he's going to come off as condescending or male even more self conscious.

So he just stands there for a moment contemplating his next move, but you kiss him by the time he actually chooses what to do.

Moreover, your petite body only makes him want to kiss your forehead and the top of your head more than he already would.

Narancia 🍊

Buddy, I don't think you realize how happy Narancia is to have you.

Personally, I think that he was never supposed to be supet tall, but living on the streets only worsened the situation, as he either had very little or no food at all, which caused him to remain...Well, shorter than average, let's say.

Because of this, he's just as self-conscious, if not even more than you are about this. I wouldn't be surprised if someone had made fun of him in the past too.

Which means that, even though he's not usually the brightest, you won't have to say anything to him either before he realizes you struggle with this insecurity too.

Needles to say, it really pains him to see you doubt yourself like this. He's very emphatic and will tell you that he knows what's it like to look at yourself in the mirror and not like what you see.

Nonetheless, he has begun to feel more confident in his appearance ever since you got together, and he wants you to feel the same way.

He would never dare to call you shortie or anything alongside those lines, since he'd be very uncomfortable with it himself.

Instead, he'll always be ready to fill you with praises, compliments and hype you up anytime he gets the chance to. Like- maybe you weren't even feeling bad in that moment, he just thinks you're beautiful either way and wants to let you know.

And he doesn't say this just to make you feel better. He genuinely means every word he speaks, and there's nothing that matters more to him than to make you feel validated no matter what. He wants you to love yourself and your body as it is in its natural beauty, and if you can't do that, he's got enough love himself to make up for it.

Your height is one more reason for him to hug and snuggle you in literally any moment. He loves the feeling of holding you in your entirety, without leaving a single part of your body out.

He loves to piggy back ride you on his shoulders, that way you can feel tall together! And the others can't make fun of the two of you anymore.

Is it partially an excuse just to carry you around? Yes, yes it is, but does it really matter anyway? You're both having a good time and can even triumph over Abbacchio and his bad bitch high heels.

Similarly, the two of you would also use this technique to get something from a high shelf if both of you were too short to reach it...Although you have fallen off a couple of times because of this-

If he's tall enough, however, he'll help you out without a single moment of hesitation, you can tell something as simple as this makes him happy. He has the hugest grin on his face, and he hands it to you like he had just delivered some legendary object after a dangerous quest.

He's just glad his height can actually be useful for once and you don't consider it a flaw, it makes him very grateful to have you by his side.

When he sees you get on tip toes to kiss him, Narancia literally can't contain his excitement nor can wait for you to actually reach his lips. He'll just pick you up, hug you and swirl you around before kissing you himself.

No, he will not let you go after this either.

#bucci gang x reader #bucci gang headcanons #jjba x reader #jojo x reader #vento aureo x reader #golden wind x reader #giorno x y/n #giorno x reader #giorno giovanna x reader #giorno giovanna x you #pannacotta fugo x reader #fugo x reader #fugo pannacotta x reader #narancia x reader #narancia ghirga x reader #narancia ghirga #jjba giorno #jjba fugo #jjba narancia #jjba fluff #passione x reader #bucci gang

[lavender-z-love]

In Denial | Koga

───—･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. —───

Genre | Black.FemReader X Koga, Demon X Demon, Mature (Nothing crazy you'll see), Cat x Dog, Nakedness, 'Tsundere'? (The reader), arranged marriage.

Content warning | Nudity, spelling errors.

A/n | This was supposed to be a Halloween Special but I got busy so, here you go ♡

Wordcount | About 1.2k

—♡

Cat demon Tribe and the Wolf demon tribe. The both weren't on good terms which is why a arrangement was set. The marriage between Y/n and Kouga was to be set, the two leaders to destroy what disagreements they had and stop this ridiculous rivalry.

Kouga, had nothing but the up most respect for you. So did some of the wolf demon tribe members. Those 'Some' being the few you grew up with as a child. You'd never thought in a million years your parents would force you to marry.

Kouga, willing to wait. A total gentleman, not to mention beautiful and agile. Though, you...not with any of it. More like you hated Kouga. Dispite your uncooperative-ness Kouga loved you anyway.

Avoiding him at all costs because you wouldn't deny you were attracted to him, you just wanted to live in denial.

A warm evening you decided to go for a bathe in a nearby pond. Bringing soaps and shampoos, which a human friend of yours 'Kagome' gave to you as a gift. You set your items down and began to strip. Neatly folding your clothes, you jump into the water; fully submerging yourself.

You relaxed completely under water, enjoying the way the mini current felt on your face. That was until, you sensed something..rather someone. Quickly bringing your head above water you turn around to see who it was. Your fiancé sat at the edge of the pond.

"Hey Y/n." He said softly,"I didn't know cats loved water." You stared at him blankly.."Mm, delightful.."

Kouga chuckled,"Is it okay if I hop in?"

"Yes, I was getting out anyway", You say with a tinge of annoyance in your voice. Going to the opposite end of the body of water to get out.

Kouga raised a brow,"Getting out? Oh come on, I saw you just get in." Oh, you'd been caught, like a deer in headlights.

You feel your cheeks burn, realizing what he had said. You turned to face him before scolding him, "Y-You watched me?! So you're a pervert! I knew I-". Stopping mid sentence as he was fully naked and getting in the pond. You were visibly flustered as the sight before you. "O-Oh my god!" Quickly turning around, your mouth gaped as you looked at the picture in your mind.

Kouga slowly making his way to you,"Y/n I don't mind if you look at me...". Still stunned, you fan yourself with your hand and whisper, "Be gone bad thoughts be gone.."

"Oh? I thought I was a pervert.."

You turned around to face him,"Look here you– Im-!.." Is he doing this on purpose?! Its like he's trying to get you to see his body. You turned around and because of how much taller he was than you; your eyes meet at his chest. Sculpted abs, toned biceps, his curved collar bone– then up to his neck, that delicious adam's apple. His jawline was well-defined and sharply angled, like it could cut anything with a simple touch. Then, his face. Handsomely majestic–

You knew you were staring, you were checking him out and it was plain as day. He didn't say anything, he just watched you do so as you day dreamed. When you snapped out of it, you took a deep breathe before turning away.

Kouga wouldn't let you, he pulled your arm back. "Hey..Why avoid me again? It's not going to stop you from marrying me you know."

I laugh,"So far its worked–"

Kouga sighed,"Thats because I let you be. I could bug you like I am now, but I didn't." He reaches for your hand, he guides it to his chest. Sliding your hand along his torso. Pulling you in close, his free hand looping around your body and placed on your waist.

Kouga's voice, whispering: "You can't run from me forever"

You whisper back,"I will..watch me."

Kouga sighs,"What do I have to do to get you to love me?"

"Nothing, because it's not happening."

Kouga narrows his eyes, raising a brow. He smirks,"Sweetheart, you've been feeling me up for the past 5 minutes.."

"You started it..", you hissed.

"You're right, but I let your hand go. So, A: it seems like your hand has a mind of it's own..or B: You're the pervert."

You look at your hand and, its migrated up to his bicep...You retracted your hand and walked around him with annoyance. "You're starting to get on my nerves!" You couldn't stay any longer or you were for sure to give in to your desires.

You should've known, nothing would get past him. "Y/n, will you please stop avoiding me." He follows after you, "I don't understand why you don't like me so much. I can assure you we can come to an agreement– I promise to treat you like a goddess." You turn around facing him.

"You hardly know me, why are you okay with this marriage?"

"I just want to stop this useless fighting"

"So you admit you're using me to get my tribe to side with yours? Hm? What tired of having so many enemies?",you smirk.

"No! I'd never do that Y/n..I just want all this ridiculous rivalry to come to an end. I want everyone to be happy."

You fold your arms. Kouga reaches his arms out to you,"You know, Im more than willing to protect and cherish you."

You back up, and Kouga walks forward with an soft empathic smile. "W-What if I dont want to." You continue to back up, Kouga persistent, he continued in your direction. "We'll come to a conclusion, help me understand."

Your back hits the edge of the pond, Kouga stops in front of you. "Help you understand huh.."

You scoffed,"Understand this..I dislike you..." Kouga caged you against the pond wall, both hands on each side of you. "Is that so..do you..dislike me as a man? Or as a person?"

"Both..", you said unsure. Kouga's not dumb, he's far from it. He can read you like a book. He leans in, his face now in front of yours. "Tell me..what you dislike about me, and I'll fix it for you."

His gorgeous face a few inches away from yours. 'H-He's gotta be doing this on purpose', you think to yourself.

"I'm sick of you, and your pretty face. Your attractive body too. It's– Annoying." You admitted embarrassed. Kouga chuckles,"Oh..You want me to fix your attraction towards me?" He said with a large smile.

You stand there flustered not knowing what to say.. but definitely enticed by his lips as he was enticed by yours. "So?..Do you want to consider loving me someday? Or keep living in denial, hm?"

A finger under your chin, making you look at him; your arranged fiancé. His blue eyes look back into your orange eyes. "...You're really pushing for this huh?" You whisper as you gaze at his lips. Have they always looked so bite-able, so kiss-able like that?

"I am, if you let me. I will give everything you want and more." Kouga looked down at you with a gentle smile, his k-9's peaking past his lips. Kouga leans in, still using his finger to keep your eyes on him.

Your dark cheeks tented a slight red, you shut your eyes closed tight. Expecting to be kissed by Kouga. Though when you felt nothing you opened one eye looking back at him confused. Both eyes opened, batting your eyelashes at him. "I thought you were.."

"Hm? Gonna kiss you?"

You nod, this making Koga smile. Maybe he was getting some progress from you. "You mean you want me to kiss you?" Feeling bashful you nod just a tiny bit, realizing what you'd just admitted to wanting to kiss him. Once again, it was obvious you were attracted to Koga. Even to him, he could see it from a mile away.

"Thats..not what I ment to say–"

Koga smirks,"Then what?~ hm..I'll kiss you, if you want me too."

You scowl,"I did but no! You're pissing me off. If you haven't realized, this is inappropriate! We've been so close together, naked in this springs and now you're trying to get me to admit I want to ki-"

You went silent, with a pair of lips pressed to yours. Your hand instinctively going to his shoulder, as Koga pulls you in close. You sighed into his lips, finally giving in to some sort of affection from him. Koga pulls away, leaving you a breathless, heart-fluttery mess.. "See what happens when we come to an agreement and talk like adults?"

"Shut up..", you rolled your eyes, tugging at his arm. He took your subtle hint.

Koga smiles, leaning close,"Yes ma'am". Once again kissing you, and you gladly kissed back. Letting him lead, you followed his fluid like motions. Your eyes closing, pulling him in close and him doing the same.

Giving into to Koga felt wonderful. Being able to melt into his touch..could I feel like this all the time Im with him? His left hand on your waist and right on your cheek. Your hands on his chest, the both of you fit together like a steamy puzzle piece. When it seemed like the two of you were about to get carried away–

"Koga! Koga! We've got some trouble with the Northern Wolf Demon tribe."

Another voice,"Hey Sis!"

You yelp as you pull away, mid kiss– hiding behind Koga. "Ginta? Hakkaku?" You peak from Kouga's shoulder. The wolf demon with a spikey white mohawk spoke,"Wow! You're finally getting along?"

You visibly flustered,"We are Not!" You scowled. Hakkaku tilts his head in confusion,"Really? Because to me it looked like the two of you were a bout to-

Koga clears his throat, interruption Hakkaku. "E-Enough...now you two can head that way..I'll be right behind you."

The boys nod then take off. Hakkaku waves,"Bye sis! Glad to see you're finally coming along!"

Your eye twitches,"Don't call me that–"

Koga smiles,"You should probably stop denying it." You stare at him blankly, and scoff. Kouga gets out of the pond, shaking off what water he can before putting his clothes back on.

He smiles brightly at you,"Its okay, I know you love me. Its only a matter of time before you accept it, and when you do. I'll be waiting."

You fold your arms, embarrassed you look away. "As if! go run off to your tribe." Kouga, fixes his last clothing needed. "I'll catch you later, okay? Next time we meet I'll be sure to do something sweet for you!" He says starting his light jog.

"Stop being so nice to me!" You shout as he gets farther and farther away.

You hear a light laughter from his direction. "Just trying to help you chose beautiful ♡!" He shouts from what now is a cyclone zipping away.

....You sit in the pond..shivering..

"Sheesh. Some fiancé...he could've helped me wash my hair before he left...", you mumble. Smiling to yourself as you place your fingers on your lips..

.."I cant stand him ♡"

Written and posted on Nov 8/23

#koga x reader #Koga x you #koga x y/n #koga x black reader #koga inuyasha #inuyasha x reader #inuyasha x you #inuyasha x y/n #inuyasha x black reader #inuyasha scenarios #inuyasha imagines #inuyasha ff #kinktober #halloween x reader #kinktober ff

[astroprompts]

✧ —𝐁𝐎𝐉𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐌𝐀𝐍 𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒 [𝐒𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝟸]

“Why do we even have saucers? We don't drink tea!”

“Do you have a thousand dollars? Because each minute I spend talking to you, that's how much money I'm wasting.”

“You're the only one in this building who isn't a total snooze-cooze.”

“No one watches this show to feel feelings. Life is depressing enough already!”

“All this time, I assumed there was more to me than everyone thought. But maybe there isn't.”

“I don't care if you are happy or not. You have a job to do.”

“Look who finally decided to pick up the phone.”

“You must think I'm a real monster.”

“You were born broken, that's your birthright.”

“Can't say I'll miss it, but we did have some crazy adventures together these last few weeks.”

“Sometimes you wanna go where no one knows your name.”

“Is that name supposed to mean something to me?”

“I want to do things with you. Fully clothed, sober, in daylight hours.”

“Look, you obviously really care about this girl and that scares you, so you sabotage yourself.”

“How about you just stop sulking and go win her back, dummy?”

“I'm cynical, and I'm possessive, and I can sometimes fly off the handle. I'm not always the best at being not terrible. But I want to be better, I'm trying to be better.”

“Why do I always do this? I push away everyone I care about.”

“No matter what, we're going to stick together.”

“I'm no good with funerals. When I cry, it messes up my makeup and then I get really bummed out.”

“Okay, you're clearly in one of your moods.”

“Why serve dates and not have a place to put the pits? You know, some people just have no class.”

“There's so much to hate about what you just said.”

“Shove it up your ass with a spoonful of sugar, you supercalifragilisticexpiali-bitch!”

“You know, maybe it's for the best we don't get together that often. We'd most likely drive each other mad.”

“No one knows how to get under your skin like family.”

“You wanna check out this cool new game I got?”

“I know there's no accounting for taste, but come on.”

“There is no shame in dying for nothing. That's why most people die.”

“Quick, jump out the window, shimmy down the drainpipe and wait in the car.”

“When you don't regret the tattoo in the morning, that's how you know it's love.”

“I guess I was just foolish enough to believe this dumb world still had a little spark of romance in it.”

“Look, what happened back there is not your fault.”

“If you wanna go for a walk in the woods at night, go crazy, but I'm not going anywhere.”

“Look, pal, I'll pay the bill, just-- Just let us get you to a damn hospital.”

“Um, do you wanna talk about what happened?”

“Any time someone tries to love you, you shove them away.”

“I was this badass overachiever that had these big plans to change the world.”

“So, now you're just gonna do whatever a teenage girl says?”

“I don't need you to like me. It would be fun if you liked me, because I'd prove my parents were wrong to never support me, because I earned the admiration of an authority figure, proving I have intrinsic worth, but it's not a big deal or anything. Jeez.”

“You know, sometimes I feel like my whole life is just a series of loosely-related wacky misadventures.”

“When you think something isn't about you, you find a way to save the day and realize that it was, all along, all about you.”

“Oh, is that that thing where you strangle yourself in an attempt to heighten sexual arousal?”

“So, noose-wise, what are we talking? You use a standard sailor's knot or more like your average birthday-present bow?”

“I don't know if I want your jack-off kit at my house.”

“This is the part of the movie where you get your heart broken. Where the world tests you, and people treat you like shit. But it has to happen this way. Otherwise, the end of the movie, when you get everything you want, won't feel as rewarding.”

“Jesus, why does cantaloupe think every time it gets invited to a party, it can bring along its dumb friend honeydew?”

“When we know what we know about a monster like that and we still put him on TV every week, we're teaching a generation of young boys and girls that a man's reputation is more important than the lives of the women he's ruined.”

“I don't understand why you can't be on my side about this.”

“I asked you, really nicely, not to make a big thing out of this.”

“Why does it suddenly matter what I want?”

“All I ever wanted was to be your friend.”

“Stop kidding yourself. If you really wanted the simple life, you'd have a simple life.”

“Love is an illusion, and happiness is fleeting, no such thing as God, and all your favorite musicians beat their wives.”

“Well, I'm sorry that things have been so hard for you, but that doesn't give you the right to be shitty to me.”

“I can't be around someone who's just fueled by bitterness and negativity.”

“You know, it's funny. When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.”

“I wish I could just go home right now and crawl into bed and not have to talk about anything or explain anything.”

“I'm sorry I'm not the person I thought I was.”

“Hey, you wanna climb up on the water tower?”

“I'm really glad we left that stupid prom, but I'm kind of bummed we didn't get to dance.”

“Look, sometimes when you're an adult, the right thing isn't always the best thing.”

“You're the first grown-up I've ever met who actually treats me like... You know, a person.”

“I said so many things when I was young. I thought I was so deep.”

“It doesn't matter where you are, it's who you are.”

“So many times in my life I've done the wrong thing, but this is the right thing, and I have never been more sure of anything.”

“I've wasted so much time sitting on my hands and imagining what could have been.”

“If you are not out of my driveway in 30 minutes, I will call the police.”

“If you ever try to contact me or my family again, I will fucking kill you.”

“Wake up, captain dumbshit.”

“Now let's get out there and tell all those garbage rat bastard sons of bastards what we really think of them, once and for all.”

“If you're holding out for something better, well, I hate to break it to you, but you're gonna be alone for a long time.”

“Every day, it gets a little easier. But you gotta do it every day, that's the hard part.”

#rp meme #ask meme #dialogue prompt #sentence starters #bojack horseman

[annoyangle]

I'm being pathetic these days. Wasting time in bed, wallowing in self pity because shit feels hopeless.

I would really appreciate it if I could get some words that feel like a hard slap in the face to knock some sense into me from Bill Cipher himself. Or just scramble my brain, either way should bring about some kind of change.

It's totally okay if no, feel free to ignore this ask. I don't mean to be awkward or to pressure you.

KID, IF YOU WANT 'PICK YOURSELF UP AND KEEP FIGHTING' ADVICE HOHOHO BOY DID YOU COME DOWN THE WRONG POORLY LIT ALLEY! DON'T FORGET, I'M SUPPLY-SIDE EVIL HERE! WATCHING HUMANS FLAIL AROUND BROILING IN THEIR OWN MISERABLE BRAIN-SOUP IS GOOD EATS FOR THE LIKES OF ME! YUM YUM! THAT SAID, I AM NOT A MALICIOUS OVERLORD. YOUR GRUNKLE BILL UNDERSTANDS THE PAIN AND SUFFERING OF YOU LITTLE BEINGS. I HAVE GIVEN SOME GENERAL ADVICE IN THE PAST AS TO HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS CRAPPY TEMPORAL REALITY AS IT CURRENTLY EXISTS. WE'RE ALL IN BASIC AGREEMENT THAT THE STATE OF THINGS IS JUST PLAINLY UNACCEPTABLE. THAT CREATED REALITY COULD USE A LOT OF IMPROVEMENTS ON PRETTY MUCH EVERY LEVEL. SO WHAT, THOUGH? TOUGH BREAKS, KID! THIS IS THE REALITY YOU'RE STUCK IN! YOU HAVE CHOICES (SEE ABOVE) - AND AS LONG AS YOU'RE CAPABLE OF MAKING A CHOICE, YOU CAN ALWAYS MAKE THE WRONG CHOICE. IN OTHER WORDS, A CHOICE THAT I DON'T LIKE! LOOK, WE ALL HAVE THOSE DAYS WHERE GETTING UP FOR CONQUEST AND RUIN JUST FEELS LIKE TOO MUCH OF A HASSLE. EVEN I SOMETIMES JUST WANNA PUT MY MANY FEET UP ON ONE OR SEVERAL MINIONS, LAY AROUND, WATCH MY DIMENSION'S HORRIFIC EQUIVALENT OF CARTOONS AND SET THE WHOLE "RESHAPE REALITY TO MY UNBENDING WILL" THING ON THE BACKBURNER FOR A BIT! THAT'S OKAY! SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA TAKE THAT TIME TO LET THE PLOTS AND POTS BUBBLE. BUT IT'S ONLY ACTUALLY APPROPRIATE TO FULLY STOP MOVING WHEN YOU'RE DEAD. AND SOMETIMES NOT EVEN THEN! THE UNDERGROUND ECONOMY OF WORMS AND MICROBES HAS A JOB FOR YOU TOO! YOUR WORK IS NEVER DONE! IF YOU'RE NOT YET EAGER TO JOIN THE UNDERGROUND ECONOMY, THEN GET UP OUTTA BED AND GO FIND SOMETHING ABOVE GROUND TO DO! IT CAN PRETTY MUCH BE ANYTHING, SO LONG AS IT'S AMUSING TO WATCH FROM SOME OTHER PERSPECTIVE (AND BASICALLY EVERYTHING YOU GUYS DO IS DEEPLY FUNNY FROM MY PERSPECTIVE.) NOW, IF YOU WANT TO MAKE ME REALLY UNHAPPY, IF YOU WANT TO MAKE ME MISERABLE, AND DO SOMETHING I'M REALLY GONNA HATE TO SEE, THEN THE FIRST THING TO DO IS GET THE HECK OUTTA BED, TAKE A SHOWER, TAKE WHATEVER CURRENT PILLS/FOOD/WATER/NUTRIENTS YOU LACK AND PUT ON SOME CLEAN CLOTHES. IF YOU DON'T HAVE SOME OR ANY OF THOSE THINGS, GO GET THEM. STEALING THEM IS FINE, YOU HAVE MY BLESSING! STAND UP AND ENACT YOUR WILL ON THE WORLD! I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE WHO AREN'T ME DO THAT!

REMEMBER: IF YOU DON'T MAKE CHOICES, SOMEONE ELSE WILL MAKE THEM FOR YOU.

THAT SOMEONE ELSE MIGHT WELL BE ME. OR IT MIGHT BE SOMEONE OR SOMETHING EVEN WORSE. NOBODY'S GONNA KNOW WHAT YOUR CHOICES ARE UNLESS YOU ACT ON THEM. AND IF YOU DON'T CHOOSE ANYTHING, YOU'RE BASICALLY SAYING IT'S FINE FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO CHOOSE FOR YOU. MOST PEOPLE DON'T ACTUALLY LIKE THAT. THE ONES THAT DO ARE USUALLY MINIONS TO GUYS LIKE ME!

#ask bill cipher #the muse muses #inbox reply #//hope ya feel better kid!

[khaleesiofalicante]

hi Dani !

hope you're having a good day!

I need to rant (you can just delete this if you want that's totally fine)

I did something bad 😬 RATATATATA

basically I confronted someone who has been giving me a lot of trouble for a long long time like it's not all her fault it's my fault too but like I didn't know that something I was doing had that effect on her? Wtvr it is it happened a loooong time ago and we've talked about it a lot after it and anytime I confront her she keeps bringing that one thing up, she did things too but she never apologized for them still didn't last night but somehow I still feel bad about the confrontation?

Basically she always felt excluded because of me but I never intended that I was just being myself but she always compared herself to me and then felt bad about herself it lowered her self esteem by a lot and she blames me for it even though I never compared us or tried to make her feel inferior, when I saw that my accomplishments or happiness was bringing pain to someone I cared about I tried diminish myself, I started brushing off everything good that happened to me and just feeling guilty for being myself and being happy when I'd try to be honest and tell her that I have a life and problems of my own she would just start comparing it to her own problems and be like "but you have it better than me so you're fine" so I started not sharing anything cuz talking about my problems with her just made me feel like a burden when I brought this up last night her response was "I never asked you to not rant to people you did that to yourself" I'm just tired at this point, tired of apologizing, tired at being at the receiving end of her anger cuz she does and has in the past taken out her anger on me and she fully knows this

I always try to be nice because idk why wouldn't you be nice but she's making me so angry and I hate being angry so it's like fucking me up that combined with the school stress but that's a constant so 🤷‍♀️

Thanks for listening if you're reading this

Sending a lotta love your way

Hellooooo.

Sometimes writing things down (or saying them out loud) helps us understand the thing better. Ranting is a good thing, in that sense, and I'm glad you shared this with me.

I know you didn't necessarily ask for advice or support. But just a couple of quick things:

Trauma or pain or stress or grief - all of this, any of this, is not competitive. It's not about who has it worse. Someone, somewhere, always has it worse than us. But that doesn't erase our pain. Someone else's pain shouldn't make us feel better (even to soothe our own). If your friend expects you to disregard your pain (or underplay it) because she thinks she has it worse, she is invalidating your feelings. No one is allowed to do that. Especially someone who cares about you.

It's important to be aware of the people around you and the energy they consume. When we feel tired (physically and emotionally) around certain people, that's not a good thing. It's because talking to those and maintaining our relationship with them consumes more energy (and requires more effort) than it should. And most often, these people don't appreciate the effort you make. Be aware of them. Be mindful of them. Know your worth. Prioritize your energy and share it with people who value it and cherish you.

People who refuse to apologize are assholes.

Take it easy with the school stuff. That shit should not be as stressful as they make it be. Sending love x

#support

[fairycosmos]

its soo weird to me how someone can just like. love themselves. and not just their appearance just like them as an existing person. like i walk around feeling ashamed almost to be breathing air and existing and i hate everything about me and i know thats wrong like i know thats just Mentally Ill brain talking but god. it feels so so real sometimes

honestly i totally get what u mean! i always wonder what it would be like to be able to navigate life while comfortable in my own skin. i think self loathing feels like the only real narrative because we learn to harbour those beliefs very young, and we quite literally have never experienced reality without them. for me it's like - i can internalise all the coping strategies in the world, all the information about self hatred and how it ties into trauma and misogyny and capitalism, and yet i still feel like i'm a genuinely disgusting embarrassment to be around. i wish mental illness wasn't so........Loud lmfao. i wish i could take other thought processes as seriously as i take the bad ones, you know? anyway, i just wanted to let you know you're a 100% not alone in this, and i'm sorry you have to deal with such vitriol from yourself. i know it's absolutely hellish at the best of times. i think adulthood is a very very slow unlearning of that pain. maybe it never goes away fully, but you can still move forward despite it. that's why i sometimes try to feed myself a neutral perspective on who i am, rather than a loving one, because i don't think i'll ever love myself but like. sometimes just thinking "i'm no better or worse than anyone else, i am a person existing in human form" feels a little freeing, even if it also feels like bullshit. lately i'm getting so tired of being absorbed with myself in this way, with my own flaws, sick of so many of my own thoughts centring on me etc etc. so the whole neutral thing helps with that as well a little bit. i really hope you can find some peace with this eventually, even if it takes years of conscious work. you are good. sending sm love your way. x

#anon

[butmakeitgayblog]

Would UTI's the same then? I've never had either so I don't know what is and isn't uncomfortable.

What about lights on/lights off? Obviously that is a choice communicated between partners and varies, but does it like *say* something about you if you prefer it one way or the other? I've heard women complain about their partners like, "oh my god Brian wore socks to bed the other night and it was disgusting" "you too?! Greg does the same thing and it's the worst". Do gay ladies do that kind of thing? Like, "I got with this girl last night and she only wanted a small amount of light in the room, what a weirdo"

What if I get with someone and either they or I have trouble getting the other off? Obvs again, communication, reading your partner, etc etc etc, but how do you go about it? Again, different people, different types, everything, I'm not looking for a hard-and-fast rule, maybe just a little life experience?

I know these are totally non-sequitur. But that's the thing is it's hard to find a fully serious answer because either the question is so trivial it doesn't matter or people already know and I don't, and I really hate feeling stupid.

Ok just as a broad stroke here, my advice for anything wrong going on in the downtown is to get it cleared up before having sex. UTIs can be painful af and if left untreated can cause a w i d e range of issues including death (if left long enough that it goes to your kidneys. And it will.). So just know my answer will always be don't have sex when you're dealing with an undercarriage issue cuz you're probably 1. Not gonna feel comfortable and 2. Gonna make it worse 🧐

As for the lights thing, I mean, I think it's just a comfort issue. Maybe they have body issues or being fully seen feels too intimate. Maybe it's just over stimulating and they feel like they can focus more in the dark. I don't think it says anything particularly bad or good either way tbh. I've always done it with the lights on or candles but tbh it's never even been a question that's been brought up 🤷‍♀️ it's just kinda like... they're on. We're not stopping to shut them off. Or if they're off when we go in the room I flip them on like normal cuz ya girl is blind and I will knock into something. So. I assume it's the same with everyone. I never really got much why that was like A Thing with straight people. No shade, just being honest on my part

Also, I know this isn't what you meant but the socks thing just gave me this mental image of like,,, getting ready to fuck and then the girl walks in butt ass naked with just a strap and a gleaming white pair of socks on 🥴😂😂😂 yeah that'd I'd lose my shit over lol like wtf girl you took everything else off but not the socks?? So for something like that i wouldn't be mad but they better not get mad when we have to wait 10 minutes for me to stop laughing

Here's the thing, what I'm getting from all these asks isn't at all that you're stupid, it's just that you're way overthinking it. You're trying to plan ahead or envision so many what ifs so that on the off chance they happen you'll be prepared. But the fact is, you can't do that. Not really. You'll never be 100% prepared for anything in life. You're gonna make missteps and get surprised by stuff and yeah sometimes you'll do something that'll make you look back and cringe at yourself (but also hopefully laugh). But you'll learn from all of it too and in doing that you'll figure what's right for you. My experiences will never be your experiences and no matter how much advice I give you, there will be curveballs. And that's ok. You're gonna figure who you are as a queer person and what you do and don't like. Who knows, maybe you'll turn out to be the one who ends up liking to have sex with socks on 👀 and if so, I guarantee there's someone out there with cold toes who would love it 💕

#anon

[theharpermovieblog]

#HARPERSMOVIECOLLECTION

2024 MOVIE LIST

www.tumblr.com/theharpermovieblog

BAD MOVIE TRIPLE FEATURE pt.1

I re-watched Event Horizon (1997)

Ugh, this movie sucks. I'm only watching it to remind myself why I truly hate it.

A spaceship crew, along with a scientist, are sent out to recover another lost ship.

Director Paul W.S. Anderson is, in my opinion, one of the worst directors to have ever had success in hollywood. His only talent is his consistent ability to underwhelm and bore his audience, while poorly Frankenstein-ing ideas from far better films. Whether it be through meandering go-nowhere stories or his lifeless action sequences, he has little more to offer than movies that are too bland to be "so bad they're good".

Anderson was handed the Resident Evil film franchise and chose to make some of the worst horror/action films in history. But it's here, with Event Horizon, that we get something far more disappointing than a lackluster cash-grab series of films. Here, Anderson takes his obvious love for the Alien franchise and admiration for Lovecraftian horror and he delivers a slap-in-the-face to both of those inspirations. (Not to mention, he wastes an excellent cast.)

Event Horizon starts well enough. As I've said, this film is straight from the Alien-franchise playbook. Especially as far as aesthetic and character are concerned. That's ok though. It's not a total rip-off and we'll call it a "loving tribute".

The beginning has "scary" dream sequences and general exposition, during which we mildly get to know a generic spaceship crew. The movie looks pretty good and, admittedly, Event Horizon starts out like a well made, if basic, Alien-clone.

The film goes on to slightly intrigue the audience more than most Alien-clones however. As it's story begins unfolding there is a promise made. A promise involving a ghost-ship floating out in space, seemingly leading to a wild hellraiser-esque bit of cosmic-horror. A promise to scare us with visuals, but also with deep existential dread. A promise of an intelligent horror film. A promise, which sadly, this movie never lives up to.

And, that's the main issue here.

The movie offers decent special effects (for the time and budget), and some great makeup effects. A lot of it's imagery is cool-enough and interesting. I fully admit that, for a movie I hate, there are things here that I very much like. The problem is, as soon as it finishes it's set up of a frightening otherworldly experience, Event Horizon then delivers nothing but the most generic and stale horror tropes. The movie devolves into countless lame jump scares and characters dying off one by one in poorly paced suspense sequences. The predictability factor goes off the charts, and the thought of the film's promise being fufilled is dashed immediately.

Well, at least we get interesting characters to carry us through this very cliche film, right? Nope. This cast of characters are a hollow one dimensional group. As basic as basic can be. We don't care about them. They're the crew from Alien, but with no real personality of their own. Just faded photocopies of characters other people have written, only on screen to die in boring ways. Even the ones with backstory feel untethered to their own stories.

If you're not bored by this movie, you've either tricked yourself into believing a few cool images can make a good movie, or you just truly enjoy terrible writing. And, I'll be the first to say that that's ok. We all occasionally like shit movies, shit books, shit music. It happens. But, just because you like something shitty, that doesn't make it a good movie. It makes it a shitty movie you like.

For me though, there is nothing worse than a film that uses pre-fabricated cool ideas and concepts to trick you into believing it's unique or interesting or worth a damn, despite adding nothing of value. This movie is the promise of steak and then receiving plain white toast cut into the shape of steak. Sure, it's food, but it's the farthest thing from what you were told you were getting. Event Horizon devolves from a cool cosmic horror concept into obvious cookie-cutter Hollywood trash, while completely ignoring what made it's "inspirations" so good. This movie is unoriginal, uninteresting and it's only value is in it's occasional pretty sets and makeup.

Basic Hollywood is ok sometimes. Basic slashers, basic tropes, basic films. They're all ok, but not at the expense of a great concept. And, for that matter, Event Horizon doesn't even do "Basic Hollywood" well. Anderson's direction is stale and lifeless. He has no personal style. It's all just attempts at copying what he believes is good or cool, and rather than spicing it up with his own signature, he regurgitates what he's consumed. The most simple and cliche moments in this film have been done far better somewhere else.

With the understanding that this film fails at examining it's higher concept and simultaneously fails at its more basic aspects (like character and engaging writing) I have to ask, what's left to like? What's here other than a pile of vaguely familiar vomit?

As an audience member you're being lied to, and the work of better artists is being used to prop up that lie.

Fuck this movie.

#event horizon

[poppywriter]

✿❀✿

This chapter tackles subjects that can be sensitive to some readers, please do not interact if you are uncomfortable. And it's about my personnal life, though I feel comfortable sharing those facts. Of course, don't read if you're not interested :)

⚠️ Warnings : depiction of mental health (depressive thoughts, suicidal thoughts, self harm, self hate,…).

Read at your own risk. - Beaucoup d’amour, Poppy.

✿❀✿

❀ Pansy n°4 = A little catch-up.

*sigh* So ! There’s a lot to say…

I didn’t plan to make this book, or whatever this is, so personal but I feel like this could do me some good and that it could actually be interesting to share a bit more of my struggles.

I mean, I think this book makes it pretty clear - especially with what I write and think of writing in it - but I suffer from chronic anxiety, ‘masked’ depression and a bit of ADHD. First and foremost, ‘masked’ depression is a bad translation from my native language but basically it means that I try - or at least tried - to hide it from others, to keep up appearances. Which is… Way too true. But anyways.

To start from the beginning, it has been more than a year since I got “diagnosed” with chronic anxiety by my first therapist. He told me it was most likely hereditary - which is true, I got f*cking anxious parents especially my dad. I started therapy in January 2022, after years of mental distress. I always remember being anxious, sleeping badly and feeling lonely as well as inexistant, useless, transparent. It is like, most of what I remember from my teenage years (and I have massive blackouts from my childhood somehow :/). I am constantly struggling with my feelings, thoughts and place in life. It is as if my entire life revolves around internal conflict. I was - and still am a bit - used to dealing with all of it on my own, because I am convinced that you can count on nobody but yourself, but mostly that I shouldn’t burden people with it especially when they won’t care anyway.

Adding to that, the fact that I am the youngest of three siblings, I grew up thinking that I was too much in my family. Like my parents had already too much to deal with and just hadn’t the capacity to fully care for me. Moreover, on my dad’s side of the family I was also the younger cousin. So when my cousins and siblings became teenagers and young adults, I was very clearly put aside. The worst was that everyone was aware of it. I mean they literally gently threw me out of each room they were in when they wanted to talk about more “adult themed” subjects, always promising to call me back when they were done which obviously never happened. At the time, I complained to my parents and relatives about it, saying that I was tired of being rejected and just wanted to spend time with my cousins. But everyone just told me to wait it out, that it was normal as I was younger but with time it’ll change and it ended with people not even caring anymore if I was saddened about the situation. From this experience I think I just came to the conclusion that older people would always look at me as a less valuable being just because I was younger than them and theoretically couldn’t understand their “grown up and experienced” mind. As well as the fact that nobody - not even my family - cares about my feelings even if I communicate them.

I think that is when my difficulty communicating started to grow. I totally closed off from everyone, trapping myself in a never ending feeling of loneliness, even sometimes feeling like I am a spectator to my own life.

So I grew resentful towards my family, always wishing to stray away from them, to flee the country and build a new and better life. Away from everything. Then, I started thinking - very firmly - that without me, things would stay exactly the same. My family wouldn’t be impacted at all as I was only an unwanted nuisance that took too much care and money. I did not feel important, nor truly loved. I felt I just couldn’t be loved as I wasn’t interesting and had nothing for myself to make people appreciate me, just because I craved for attention I was not given by my family. 

Furthermore, when I had just started middle school, I found out I had scoliosis. And a pretty bad one at that. After three months of observation, my spine ended up forming a perfect S shape. It was so bad that I had to wear a medical corset, in order to keep my back in check. That is how I ended up wearing a plastic made medical corset 23 hours a day every day. All of that, just a few weeks before my 12th birthday… Yes, it was an amazing gift :).

So, I found myself being sort of disabled. Wearing something totally new to every single one of my classmates and even my school’s administration. Find a way to feel more left out and alienated. Yet, I was not truly bullied for it. People were kind and curious, often offering me to carry my bag or things like that. Still, I was faced with the fact that a majority of people just wouldn’t understand how hard it could be on someone’s body and mind. People just thought of aesthetic corsets when I had to explain what I had, and didn’t understand why I made the choice to wear one as well as why it handicapped me. 

In fact, it was truly a burden. It was not only painful, it was also truly incapacitating. I couldn’t bend down, I couldn’t sit without having my thighs being compressed and cut by the plastic, I couldn’t breathe or eat properly. At first I couldn’t even go to the bathroom with it. Plus, you are taught to get it on while laying down so I had authorized access to the nurse office - even when she wasn’t there - to take it off and pee. Only once was I refused the access to it, and my mom was so mad she made sure to call the school and report how it was unacceptable as I literally had a PCP (Personalized Care Project) which granted me special rights like access to the nurse office or even prioritized access to the cafeteria to not risk me being pushed and falling in the middle of a crowd. I actually got crushed by someone once. I was kneeling near my locker and someone fell on me. My breath cut short and I had trouble recovering. I only remember one of my friends opening my corset but nothing after that… Weird. But knowing how much I forget traumatic events I’m not even surprised :). 

Aside from that, the corset also took away my dream career of becoming a ballerina. It was a harsh reality check for a 12 year-old who already had a lot going on. So to sum it up, the corset physically blocked me, woke up unbearable back pains, made me feel even more abnormal, broke my dreams, ruined my birthday and made my nights even worse. Nice.

And it is only the beginning.

At the same time I also had a really sh*tty friend group. You know this type of friend circle in which everyone swears they’re best friends but spit on each others’ back? Well it was exactly like that. Adding the fact that they truly enjoyed putting only some people aside. I only have one friend from this group to which I still talk to this day. She is the only one who was honest with me, cared and liked me. And she changed schools during our second year, so she clearly got away from all the drama. But we kept contact and we are still really close.

Yet, I lost my best friend of 7 years to this group. She preferred to stay with them even if they were making fun of her behind her back, while I decided to leave and find other friends. Still, I was fairly traumatized by this friendship as one of the girls very clearly confessed in secret that she thought I was nonexistent, invisible and that without me things would be the same… So yeah, trusting people after that was especially hard.

Man, teenage years s*ck…

Eventually I found new friends with whom I felt a bit more like myself - whoever I was at that age. I got closer to this one girl I met at the very beginning of middle school and who is, today, still my beautiful and amazing best friend <3. That year I remember not having so many dark thoughts, but they became a bit too normal. Now that I had new people around me and felt I could express myself, it became really hard for me to repress my feelings. I was so used to bottling everything up, put on a straight face and feeling numb that once I felt a bit more at ease, it was impossible for me to go back.

I felt better with my friends and started questioning myself. Who I was. Who I wanted to become. Who I liked… I was around 14 years-old when I came out to my friends as Bisexual. I had this huge crush on one of my friends and even if I got - kindly - rejected, I knew where I stood. Everyone accepted me, I wasn’t judged by any of them. My siblings didn’t know yet at the time - as we didn’t share the close bond we have today. And my parents still don’t know to this day…

Nevertheless, this new discovery about myself made me question my attraction towards this one female friend of my friend group (just to bring precision, I didn’t and still don’t really hang out with boys much. Idk why lol). And this questioning ended up with me being in my first ever serious relationship, and it was with a girl behind my parents back.

I won’t go into details about this relationship or how catastrophic my middle sister’s first reaction was. But even if I should have known by now, things didn’t go according to plan… LOL.

I started this relationship thinking I had nothing to lose but in the end I lost my sanity and will to live, is that okay with you ? No but seriously, this girl ruined my life. She was what we call a ‘narcissistic pervert’. Literally made me lose any closeness I had to other people, wanting me to care only about her - even at my own expense. She constantly wanted to make me jealous with weird fantasies she had with her former crushes, making me feel like I clearly wasn’t the only one on her mind or even a tiny bit special. Once she even told me that before we got together she also had a crush on another girl, and that if we didn’t start something she might’ve not chosen me… B*tch. She even made me feel guilty for any little thing I could do or say when I tried to communicate - yes, it is called guilt tripping :). She was weirdly sexist, like she took on the ‘stereotypical role of the man’ in the relationship and wanted to be the one to lead the relationship in everything, even when it was uncalled for. She didn’t value my feelings, many times gaslighting me. Towards the end of our relationship, she often made me feel forced to engage in foreplay and sexual acts…

I know that, in a way, it was also my responsibility as I didn’t communicate much, always putting her first but I also felt like I couldn’t because whatever I said or did she put herself in the victim position while I was made the culprit. You know, she even got mad at me once because I fell asleep texting her - I took plant based pills, and they worked really well at the time. And she was aware of how much I struggled sleeping! Everything just had to revolve around her, all the time. It was clearly a one way relationship.

For other anecdotes - because I ended up going into details… :/. Even when I broke up with her, she couldn’t help but guilt trip me. She was literally telling me how cruel I was not to think about the situation she found herself in when I asked her for a break. (Yes, I needed a break first to see if I was better alone and to prepare myself to break up with someone… Oopsies.) Because of our relationship, I lost a friend who sided with her and it completely broke our friend group as no one wanted to hang out with the two of us when we were together. Yes we were f*cking cringe middle schoolers… Yikes.

One of the worst memories I have, concerning her lack of real care for me, was when I harmed myself… I was wallowing in self pity, hating myself and my life when everything was supposed to be better. I was dying with anxiety as important exams were coming up and as usual my feelings were minimized at home, and in my relationship. Even if it was the year I grew closer to my sisters, our relationships were still rocky - especially with my middle sister. I felt like all of my problems were meaningless, and I was the problem, the one to blame. So for an entire week I harmed myself. It was the simplest way I found to prove myself I had a reason to hurt. What better way to prove you’re in pain than having physical wounds ? That was my reasoning. It was also a clear cry for help as I did nothing to hide it. I constantly thought “the bigger it is, people would see it less.” And it always proved to be true.

One evening, I was having dinner with my two sisters and my mom. Simply wearing a tank top, my scarred wrists in plain sight. When my mom asked me what happened to them. I lied, saying that I simply scratched myself too hard with my long nails. And it was never tackled again. My sisters never caught up with it, my mom never asked more. It just went unseen. But, as I said earlier, my ex did even better. I literally showed her and after arguing a bit I just told her it was my way to cope and she answered “if it helps you, I’ll learn to live with it.” What a caring significant other am I right ?

Then after a week of only being able to think about doing it. I stopped because two of my friends found out and made me promise to never start again. But to be honest, I think I never really stopped. I learned that chewing the insides of your mouth (like really aggressively) is also a way to self-harm. I also used to scratch myself really hard when I felt mad at myself. And I happened to try and use a blade once more a few times, but felt extremely pathetic afterwards. I have been quite clean since then, especially since I don’t deny my own feelings and let myself have breakdowns lol.

During highschool I slowly started healing from this amazing relationship. Sadly, my anxiety grew because of school and just as I thought things could still go better… Boom. World wide pandemic. We had to stay focused on school while being stuck at home. It was really hard on me especially because my dad had to work from home while my mom - who takes care of kids at home - didn’t stop working. The cohabitation was less than pleasant. Anyway, I don’t have anything interesting to say about the period, just that it helped me go down the rabbit hole even faster :). A pleasure.

For my last year of highschool, teachers and adults expected us to go back to normal and be perfect students as if Covid never happened. They expected us to be okay. And it was just not possible. My anxiety went haywire as we had really important final exams at the end of the year that I couldn’t fail. All my friends were feeling down, I was feeling suicidal and just wanted to end the pain. I also lost my great-grandmother and a month later - literally two days before Christmas - my dog also passed away. It was a very difficult time for my family. Then came January and I felt more than ever like dying.

Each passing day I was only feeling like life was just a burden. Why did I have to suffer so much just from living ? I had to take the train every day, always thinking of just jumping on the rails. I had to fake a smile every day, to try and forget. To take care of my own friends who were too feeling horrible. I was just so tired…

Then my savior came. One of my close friends went to express their worries about me to one teacher with whom I was very close. She was a PE teacher and my dance option teacher for two years already. One day she asked me to talk after a class and as I exceptionally had finished class early I accepted.

It was the most intense and emotional discussion I ever had.

We both cried - a lot - I confessed everything. I was honest and she brought so much help. Thanks to her my parents became aware of the situation and I got help. She made my mom call a therapist she had heard only good things about and talked to me about what I could do and take to sleep better. I missed her class to go to my first ever therapy session and she often checked up on me. I could never thank her enough for everything. 

She saved my life. Literally.

This therapist was special but not bad. He talked a lot and I didn’t always feel heard, but he diagnosed me with chronic anxiety and slight ADHD. Therapy didn’t really help for my inner conflicts but I started to manage my stress a bit better. I passed my exams with less stress and excelled. But I still felt like it wasn’t a good match so I stopped seeing him. I let summer pass, trying to get my mind off of things. Went on vacation with my bestfriend and just tried to feel better.

Things went okay, but I was still bothered by anxiety as I was to start university. And it didn’t miss. Uni is a literal hell. Like what the f*ck ?? Why does it have to be so hard and stress inducing ? September was my way to hell…

I found a new therapist not far from my house. Since then I haven’t changed. My therapist is just amazing. I feel so much at ease with her, I have real conversations and I can freely express myself. I truly feel like it is helping me. Still, it was not enough for me to feel at least a little better on a daily basis so I started taking anxiolytics. It helped a bit but after a month it was clear that I had to take stronger medicine if I wanted to go through it day by day. So after being diagnosed with depression by a first psychiatrist I got prescribed antidepressant and sleeping pills. It was really hard at first as I had a LOT of side effects.

It did not help me sleep at all. The first night I literally did not sleep and had a mental breakdown just as I got up. I got really shaky and I was constantly nauseous. I missed some classes to rest at home but I couldn’t allow myself to miss more. I went on and even if we add to rise the dosage of my medicine I am feeling a bit better today.

I am still on my way towards healing but I think I am on the right path. I am surrounded by amazing people. My sisters and I are closer than ever, best trio ever <3 And I even grew closer to my mom. I express myself way more and try to be positive. It is not easy everyday but I start to finally believe that it might not be that impossible to heal. Right now school is almost finished for me and I never felt better. I am working on myself, trying to improve the person I am in order to become the person I want to be. I take good care of myself, try to change my mind and go out more. I do things I want and do not force myself if I don’t feel like it. 

I feel like I am in my healing era. B*tch I’m gonna glow up ;)

Anyway, if you ever went through difficult things I cannot tell you how important it is to surround yourself with good people and get help. It is really hard to ask for yourself, so if you see friends struggling do not hesitate to get them help. Believe me when I say I know how hard it is to accept the fact that things aren’t going well and that you have to do something about it. It is not going to be easy, it asks for a lot of effort but you are not alone. We can get through this. And… I think it is going to be worth it.

It’s going to be 5 months since I started being medicated, and 7 months since I restarted therapy. Things are looking good right now. I know I might still face some hard times but I am going to continue trying to feel better. I promise, if you promise to try too, dear reader. <3

✿❀✿

🔺Original work please do not steal or copy, Thanks.🔺

#aspiring writer #diary #journal #my diary #my thoughts #self expression #self growth #thoughts #aspiring author #english #mental health #depression #anxiety #adhd #adhd things #adhd brain #chronic anxiety #tw depressive #tw: sucidal thoughts #sucidial #tw sucidal ideation #tw selfhate #tw selfharm #self healing #self help #personal #healing journey #healing journal #hope #life story

[a-weird-cryptid]

Chapter two: Time

This one's rather easy to explain. That's why this chapter won't be that long as the previous one.

If you're an artist, busy with other things like work, school, family or friends related things, as well as other hobbies, you know how hard it can be to find time to draw. Especially if making a drawing or similar takes a lot of time and effort.

Another thing you should keep in mind is that just 10min of practice per day, can change your art and make you better. You most likely won't see any huge changes after doing this for only two or three days. But after a month? A year? I'm pretty sure you will. Meaning that you should try to dedicate 10-30min per day to doing just art and really focuse on it, if possible.

Advice:

Since many struggle with finding the time to practice, I'd recommend to do at least a few quick sketches and doodles per day. Since you can easily do them on the side or in just a few seconds to minutes with pretty much and kind of paper and pen. They don't have to be perfect, they don't have to be fully rendered, they don't have to be detailed or complicated, nor proportionally correct. All they're suppose to do is "keeping you in the rhythm".

Try to find a good balance between work/school, life, friends, family, other hobbies, art, etc. I know it's easier said than done, but it's not an impossible task, if you try to find some kind of rhythm or routine.

During the time you dedicate to your art, you should try not to distract yourself. Don't get me wrong, listening to music or watching a movie or show on the side can really help to spark your creativity. And it's totally alright to do so. I hate drawing in complete silence too. But maybe put your phone away and put it on "silence mode", or at least ignore all of those (social media) notifications. Reading them 10min later will prob not change anything, except that you finally found the time to draw.

Don't forget to take breaks. If you realize that you can't really focus on what you're drawing or you just get frustrated, it's ok to take a break. This break can last for minutes or hours, but also for weeks or even months. If you realize that doing art now only feels like another chore, pressuring you, you should always take some time off. Of course this won't be possible for all artists, especially those who do it as a full time job, but if you can, then do it. The only important thing is that you get back to drawing eventually, if getting better is still a goal you want to achieve.

You could also try to make some kind of "daily plan". Try to set yourself one goal at the time, planning when to do what, how much you want to do and maybe even what exactly to draw/work on. This way, you don't "waste" time having to search for something that you want to draw and you can immediately go to work. Try to achieve your daily goal. If you can't, work on it the next time. And if still have some time left, you can use it to start a new project.

That's all I could think abt when it comes to that point, but I'd love if you guys would add a few things or similar!

Don't try to do multiple huge projects at once. This will most likely lead to you being overwhelmed and feel even more pressured. Which is never a good thing when you're struggling with time limits. If you want to work on multiple projects at once, either work on many small and simple ones or one larger project and just a few smaller ones. Focusing mainly on the larger project.

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Summary:

do at least a few quick sketches and doodles per day

try to dedicate 10-30min per day to doing just art

Try to find a good balance between all the things you have to do

try not to distract yourself

Don't forget to take breaks

try to make some kind of "daily plan"

Don't try to do multiple huge projects at once, instead work on many small and simple ones or one larger project and just a few smaller ones

Introduction

Chapter 1: Practice

Chapter 3: Inspiration

Chapter 4: Passion/Motivation

For more original series, as well as reviews, discussions and similar, check out my master list of series.

#art obstacles and how to overcome them #time #art tips #hope this helps

[rolling-restart]

Oh good Lord, big guy Toto and you never fail to amaze me (in different ways!)

My need to over-analyze with my accidental relatability with most of these characters. I could be wrong but fuck it, seeing a little of me in them is the kinda twisted that feels good.

Nico's promiscuity seems like both self-harming and Toto-harming. He seems convinced that he is fully playing mind games with the big guy, torturing him by sleeping with other people. But he's practicing unprotected sex which could result very very badly.

After therapy, I understood that impulsively having sex just for the sake of having sex, not because you feel real attraction for the sexual partner, can be considered self-harm. You get in a situation you'll possibly hate or not enjoy, but you have to do it. Like Nico having sex for the sake of fucking with Toto's mind, even if he actually feels attracted to Jenson.

You have a reason or "excuse" to hate your body, and hate yourself for experiences you don't like enjoy. I think Nico ends up sleeping with other people to justify why things go bad, even if he does it subconsciously. If you're bad, it makes sense that bad things happen to you. That's the way I saw things after periods of promiscuity, so it's just my experience.

On another note, I can't believe Toto used classical conditioning on Nico. THAT'S GENIUS. LIKE ACTUALLY EVIL GENIUS.

Also, Nico and Toto's relationship in this stage seems like a power struggle where both think the other has the upper hand no matter what mind games they play and therefore try to act like THEY are one step forward. We know Toto has the last word anyway, but seeing him trying to stay calm and rational while Nico is smugly being fucked by JENSON FUCKING BUTTON. God. I love to see it.

Any part of this sickening act could be explained by impulse but all of them together was definitely planned in the twisted little mind of Nico and Toto wasn’t going to let him get away with it.

Game reconigzes game. I don't think this is the exact moment when he realizes it, but there's a moment when he clicks that Nico is not that sweet manipulable thing Toto has painted in his own mind. He decides to keep a blind eye and act like Nico is innocent and deserving of punishment at the same time. Abusers' minds never make total sense, but Toto somehow is totally collected and a hot mess of contradictions; at the same time.

Also, I love the little detail of infantilizing Nico and diminishing him while putting him on a pedestal like…

Toto knew he couldn’t live without his little baby / touching and marking Toto’s precious little treasure / just the right amount to make his little darling beg for more / Every thrust was pushing his dainty little body further towards where Toto sat. / in the twisted little mind of Nico

Chef kiss. That detail is wonderful. From now on, Nico is baptized as little Nico. Little Nico and big guy Toto feel like the personification of entering a church and spontaneously combusting on fire. In my mind, it makes sense.

It was going to be fine. He didn't know what set off this behaviour in Nico but he was more than sure he could get this under control. He just needed to calm down and plan his next move.

Unfortunately, Toto is way too intelligent and quite a mastermind. He uses that intelligence doing disgusting things. It means his plans end up being well executed. He's the perfect villain.

-🌻

Hi there dear, 🌻. I’m so glad you liked it. Honestly, I am surprised why I didn’t yet receive an ask if I am actually evil and/or manipulative irl to be able to write those things.

I agree with you regarding the theme of promiscuity and I wanted to express the theme in the exact way you described. Nico isn’t overpowering Toto by sleeping around, he is just hurting himself and pushing himself in a worse state of mind. He tried to use his body as a vessel of punishment instead of protecting it. He just wants to break Toto’s toy out of frustration while also trying to transcend to a level where he actually doesn’t feel like he belongs in his own body,

It is obvious when Toto mentions that he gets blackout drunk and has sex. He doesn’t care about the experience, he probably doesn’t even remember it. He just tries to turn himself into something hate-worthy to upset Toto and harm his ego.

They are both playing mind games but Nico always has the lower hand because he also gets hurt while trying to hurt Toto. He ends up becoming the broken traumatised person we read in desecration.

There is a duality in the way that Toto perceives Nico. One moment he is the purest thing in the existence, the other he is the most contemptuous thing ever. It doesn’t make sense but Toto is also addicted to him so it doesn’t even matter.

I wanted the way Toto describes Nico to be uncomfortable, belittling while also worshipping. He doesn’t want to accept that he is a living breathing human being. He just wants to see him something that belongs to him on which he cannot establish the full control. It’s almost like the sexist ideal of animalising women to strip their subject from having their own mind and personality, regarding them as an exotic thing whose only function is to evoke desire in men.

I understand your description very well but it is also very hard to put it into words.

Regarding the last sentences, it was a deliberate parallel with “I need to calm down.” in chapter 11. To show that this is the way he operates. Running away from the mess when it gets too much to regroup and attack even more violently.

Thank you so much for your input! I read it again and again to see what you found out that I missed in my story! I appreciate it a lot!

#answered asks #🌻 #tw #nr