#exist but it will be fine and it will be over soon but im losing my mind w overwhelm and distress rn LOL but also i am normal and it’s nothi

[pepprs]

the absolutely UNBEARABLE ordeals of a) having nothing new to contribute to this intersection bc ppl already found it and all the scholars have already said everything im saying and b) knowing that on top of this my contributions are lackluster because i am stupid and profoundly mentally ill 🥰

#purrs #prof ******: this is just an undergraduate project and it’s only the beginning so don’t stress yourself out. me being besties with ***** and #**** and constantly feeling like i have to amount to their caliber and also them being my faculty mentors on this project meaning they have #to grade it and also me drawing from like 5 things they wrote to use in my own thing and also having *****’s voice in my head abt the advice #he got writing his dissertation and knowing that i am NOT writing a dissertation but also im doing something that is that big for me at this #stage of my life: 🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠 and they would be HORRIFIED if they knew i have this imposter syndrome about them specifically and this is #what prof brown warned me about in nov 2020 and i had like 5 breakdowns over it but still went on ahead and now every time i do anything i f #feel like im chaining all my limbs to the wall and splaying out my stomach and saying hi nice sharp talons you got there i sure do look very #much like prey right now jsut a thought. bc they’re supposed to be helping me fly and they are it’s just i am so deeply mentally ill about #needing to be on their level even though im an undergrad LMFAOOOO but also i am on their level but also im not. everyone who knows me irl an #is reading this post: 🤨🙄 but like yeahhhjjj naur i uhjmmmm. like it’s all gonna get better once i graduate and have at least one degree in t #this and finally get to start contributing to the literature alongside these fucking pioneers and titans of this field but right now it’s li #like how dare i even bother and i have felt that way for years and it’s kinda terrible that i still feel it. but also my entire existential #situation rn explains it so 💖 but yeah. anyway i feel like i am sticking a fork in a socket rn with this project and it makes me want to not #exist but it will be fine and it will be over soon but im losing my mind w overwhelm and distress rn LOL but also i am normal and it’s nothi #nothing to worry about bc this too shall pass and im on the verge of getting better 🙏🏻💕 #DELETE LATER #very cringe of me to post abt this stuff to all my mutuals and not like talk to the ppl directly involved in the situation to try to make it #better but i don’t have the capacity for that rn and frankly neither do they LMFSOOOOOOO

[venusbby]

being rin's roommate had its pros and cons.

he was always quiet, minding his own business. he never really brought any trouble (except the few times he came home with an injury and expected you to let him deal with it himself) and that's what made living with him easier.

but sometimes, just sometimes, it feels like he's been forced to live with you.

you wouldn't say you were overly social or a person who could be friends with anyone they like, but god, every time you talked, rin acted like you were the most uninteresting person ever. when clearly, you were the most chill person on the planet.

exaggeration, yes. but it's not wrong to say that you weren't a loud person. you preferred silence just as much as he did. so why did he look like he's living with a totally different person?

that blank expression, his lips pressed in a straight line and those undeniably pretty lashes of his- as much as you had grown to like the look he always gave you, it was so damn frustrating. always the same stupid look, the look which made your stomach flip even though he didn't smile or show amusement.

you never knew what was going on his head.

eventually, he noticed the effort you put in to be his friend (when all you did was stare at him every time he was doing something, as if to remind him, "stop ignoring me!!! stop. ignoring. me.") and your 'friendship' was finally happening. (he felt a little scared.)

it was all going quite nicely, even though rin was still not that talkative. you knew he was just.. like that. you wouldn't expect him to change his ways. all you wanted was to help him get as comfortable as you were in this apartment, and it definitely worked.

after weeks and weeks of progress, it finally came to a point where rin was so comfortable that he even asked you to join his horror movie marathon.

and it was a big mistake, he realized, when you stood in the doorway of his bedroom with a sheepish look on your face.

"what do you want."

rin's irritated voice made you huff. he was already under his covers, but hadn't slept even though it had been almost an hour after the last movie. you felt incredibly jealous of how warm he must be, shuddering and entering his room without saying a word. a new level of comfortable.

oh, how much you loved his expressions- like how was staring at you like you were a fly that wouldn't leave him alone.

"shut up," you hushed, lifting the covers and climbing into his bed, cutting him off just as he was about to complain, "and move."

now, you laid next to your roommate who had started to consider pushing you off the bed. "this is fucking ridiculous. what the- what are you doing?" he hissed, watching you shift closer and pull the covers over yourself.

you sighed, ignoring him. "that last movie was.. something."

he groaned, staring at the ceiling just like you, avoiding the way your sides touched. "you insisted on watching it all the way, not me."

"yeah, but then i kept seeing that fucking old lady from the movie in the corner of my room. so, now im here."

"we are never doing this again. you hear me?"

"whatever, just let me sleep here tonight. it's 2 AM already, i'll be out of your room by 6."

rin cursed under his breath, turning quickly so that his back was facing you. this bed wasn't even made for two people. he closed his eyes, hoping to drift off as soon as possible so that he could just forget that you were in the same bed as him. there was no way he would let you notice the reason for his frantic movements.

his peace lasted for mere seconds before it was interrupted by the sound of shuffling and the mattress slightly sinking near his side when you wrapped your arm around him.

his eyes shot open and he stilled, hearing you softly apologize, your voice closer to his ear this time.

"i have a habit, sorry."

rin was losing his mind and he wasn't sure if he'd be able to exist tomorrow.

"you're fine." he rushed his words faster than anything, breathing out when you shifted even closer with what sounded like a silent laugh. "just go to sleep, fuck's sake."

there were no more horror movie nights after this, that's for sure. but now rin's got a bigger problem and that is dealing with these stupid feelings he has for you.

he really was losing his mind.

#itoshi rin #rin itoshi #rin itoshi x reader #rin itoshi x you #rin itoshi x y/n #blue lock #blue lock x reader #blue lock fluff #blue lock headcanons #blue lock manga #itoshi brothers #itoshi rin x reader #itoshi rin x you #itoshi rin x y/n #blue lock rin #idk what this is #but anything to annoy rin? im in

[fcknstar]

,, the innocence is gone "

pairings : gf!ethanlandry x fem!reader ( vesper )

summary : what happens when history tends to repeat himself?

content warnings : violence, betrayal, obsession.

**lowercase intended**

" ghostface would be attractive if he didnt kill.. " you voiced out, in your own world when the whole group turned to face you in shock. 

" uhm.. i think thats a bit far fetch dont you think? " mindy cringed. 

how can the thought of someone with a mask pull your heartstrings, or even turn you on.

" i mean, in my opinion he could be pretty hot. " you shrugged. 

the group wasnt new on your interests in slashers, criminals. you figured that it was always the attractive ones who killed. they just found it weird considering you, mindy, the carpenter sisters and chad nearly got killed by one. 

" coping mechanisms. " quinn laughed the tension off, with the rest awkwardly nodding. 

★ 

ever since ethan joined the group, you have been nothing but attached. how did a good looking guy - a snack - be so lonely. you thought he had someone in his mind, the one you knew you couldnt occupy. but he did. you. but he soon swallowed the feeling down to focus on his mission. he knew he had to kill you, so why did your existence crumble him. making him question about his true intentions. 

" i had econ! " he defended himself as mindy analyzed ethan. 

you saw ethan leaving the apartment so you did trust him. 

" mindy, he did leave the apartment, remember? " you whispered, eyes closed as you listened to the rustling sounds around you. 

" see? " 

" vesper, you are next in my list- " 

" what? just because i defended him doesnt make me the killer. and you know for a fact i would never considering the fucking shit weve been through! " you couldnt believe your ears, your own best friend not trusting you. 

" mindy, i think you are over- analysing everything right now. " sam sighed. she trusted you, even if she knew she couldn't trust anyone. but youve been there for her and tara since day one. 

" fine, but ethan is still on the top of my list. " ethan bringing his hands up in defeat. giving him a lopsided smile, he returned a sad smile back.

everyone were starting to turn their backs on their own people, those that had to relive such traumatic moments. 

★ 

" hello? " 

" hey, ves! i was wondering if you could head down to the library? i need your help. " your friends voice begging for a yes to come out from you. instead a -

" no, im sorry. im with ethan right now, catching up on some shit i dont understand. ill try to come down as soon as possible though! " ethans eyes darting to your face. he loved the way you said his name. how sweet and soft youd say it, as if he was a fragile doll you had to take care off. 

" oh man, alright sure! just text me - update me yea! bye! " a sigh was heard from the other side. 

" bye love~ " you giggled. you were often flirtatious with your closest friends. ethan - not knowing the gender of the caller, narrowed his eyes. 

" so sorry about that- " 

" who was that? " ethan couldnt help but ask. he just had to know. if you couldnt be his, you shouldn't be anyones. 

" lana, she needed help with something. i dont know. " ethan nodded. 

★ 

ethan has yet to leave your side since the van. he needed to be with you as long as he could before he killed you, as him or as ghostface. so when gale brought you and the others down to the shrine, you realized ethans hand around your wrist. 

looking up at him, him smiled. 

" cant let you leave my sight knowing youd go crazy over this stuff. might lose you on the way. " you chuckled. 

looking over the items, you couldn't help but wonder how did someone collect items that was about six years ago - or even more. walking up on stage, you grazed every piece of black robe that could be filled with blood. this was a new feeling and you liked it. 

" remember how you said that ghostface was attractive, i get how someone might like him. " ethan blurted out. 

" haha very funny eth. " rolling your eyes, knowing that he's just trying to annoy you. 

" i mean look at amber freeman. she was hot. quite literally. "

you stopped at amber freemans robe, such events replaying. 

" welcome to act three. " you stumbled backwards watching as she aimed the gun at you.

" its sad that that pretty face will be gone to waste. " amber made a pouty face. you liked amber, maybe more than just a friend. of course you found her attractive, even with her reveal. but you couldnt.

it felt as if someone took your heart out, squeezed it and pushed it back in. you had to digest so many information and your dumb brain couldnt handle it. you didnt want it to happen again, knowing you couldnt take another heart break.

" ves? " ethan placed an arm on your shoulder. 

" sorry? " 

" you alright? " you nodded, afraid that your voice might crack. 

you coped up with everything by searching on slashers, even learning their tactics. it was interesting to say the least. you soon became obsessed with one you didnt even acknowledge. you should have known.

★

sam and tara pulled you behind them as ghostface removed his mask, revealing ethan. 

his gloomy face was replaced with a menacing smile. you tuned everything out, realizing that everything this happening again. fuck, you thought. ethan was a shy dorky guy, and now standing in front of you is a killer that you liked. oddly enough, you didn't feel betrayed or even hurt. he looked hot, with his hair sticking to his forehead and his breathing heavy. thoughts of blood on his face couldnt help but flood your mind. you just didnt want to die. not yet. 

you didn't even realize when ethans rounding the corner, near the glass display you and sam were standing at. 

you being the closest one, he pulled you, placing the knife against your neck. 

" fuck, eth- " your voice died down in your throat when you felt him press the knife further into your neck. 

" no- " sam and tara wanted to run towards you when quinn stopped them. 

" no, no you little fuckers, you aren't going anywhere. " before walking towards them, ethan walked with you, following quinns steps. your back against his front, you felt his heart thumping hard. probably due to adrenaline. you were going to die. tonight. in the hands of ethan. 

quinn lunged forwards before tara smacked quinn with a brick, knocking her out. 

that was when bailey aimed the gun towards the sisters. 

" you brought a brick to a gun fight.. quite sad isnt it. that you have to die this way. "

" sam- " out of instinct, you jolted forward, forgetting the knife against your neck. you had cut your neck slightly, as you pushed yourself further behind against ethan. 

" you sweet dumb thing. too stupid to not realize that you may cut yourself. " ethan pouted before pulling you away from the others. 

sam and tara saw ethan pushing you forward with the knife against your back. shit, they thought. 

before you could even ask him where he was bringing you, he stabbed you in the arm. 

" ive always wanted to stick something in you, ves! " he smiled victoriously.

" fuck you, eth! " you breathed.

" is that an offer? " shaking his head, he continued, "since i like you, ill spare you. " 

he has made up his mind.

a.n : have been vv obsessed lately, requests coming soon <3

#imagines #oneshots #ethan landry x reader #ethan landry #ethan landry imagine #ethan landry x you #ethan landry x y/n #ethan landry x oc #jack champion #jack champion x reader #jack champion x y/n #scream #scream 6

[yuken-gf]

spending a day with sword leaders ♡

amamiya kyōdai here

cobra

are we even going to elaborate this, it's obvious

Harleys in Hawaii😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

YOU AND I RIDING HARLEYS IN HAWAII I'M ON THE BACK I'M HOLDING TIGHT WANT YOU TO TAKE ME FOR A RIDE

he would half-planned it

he knew the big picture of where he wants to go with you

but if you request any destination, that's okay too! he would be more than happy to grant your wish

meals at some local diner (because we love the vibe)

would be something that start with the beach and ended on the hills to see the sunset‼️

he always make sure you hug him tight while riding his motorbike

((shit bro i'm going to die))

loves it if you vlog about the whole day

fixes‼️your‼️hair‼️after‼️every‼️ride‼️

you wouldn't even ask it

always helps you put on your helmet

randomly stares at you while you're at the beach and/or hills

and when you asked him what's wrong

he just said "nothing"

of course you want revenge

you stare at him until he asked "what's wrong"

you answered with something like "just admiring my boyfriend"

watch him FLEW

he would be so flustered, you caught him off guard😝

when you parted ways because you need to go home

he would kiss your forehead

"see you tomorrow, my love"

he loves it when you say "text me when you arrived"

he feels loved

rocky

this is so basic but

breakfast, lunch, dinner in 5 stars restaurant

shopping in between

he would be mad if you don't want to buy anything

"please spend my money or i will buy everything for you"

"no buts"

you buy little things that are pretty cheap

and he would be so done like

"fine, i'll choose for you"

walk out from every store with a big shopping bag

"rocky, it's enough"

he wouldn't listen because you didn't listen to him too

get that bag sis🤑🤑🤑🤑

"fine, ill pay you back later"

"go ahead and i'll spoil you more"

he would ask for your opinion when he wants to buy something for himself

"do you think this suits me?"

"which one do you like most for me?"

he knows that you always know the best

your small and shy thank you would make him sigh

"i'd give you the whole planet and it would be still not enough to appreciate your precious presence"

bye he has all 5 love languages

((remind me to make rocky fic))

the dinner would be extraordinary

3 course meal and in the vip seat

he would go for the best seat for city viewing sunset omsgsiahshsu ((blushing))

he holds your hand and thank you for the day and how he's so thankful that he has you by his side

he would also reminds you that he makes money FOR YOU

you would be "isn't that wife privilege"

"we're getting married anytime soon, what's your point"

goofy ahh argument about the money he spent on you again

murayama

café and resto hunting

i assume you ran out of place to date like

murayama gets bored easily

so you have an idea

and he's excited!

you two would look like some food critics because you bring your notes

would be so funny when the café give you some bonuses because they thought you're a food critics😭😭😭😭😭

he's judgyyyy

murayama ramsay

"write down broken aircon babe"

"also the fries are bland as hell, add that to the list"

"the coffee is a joke. i'm way better"

so unserious

you go to the arcade to wait for the next meal time

killing time by competing with your boyfriend

he's pouty but proud at you whenever he loses

so freaking cute

he would consider to take food critics as a job seriously because he feels like he's doing good at it

LITERALLY THE MOST UNSERIOUS BUT SERIOUS AT THE SAME TIME

smokey

all i can think about is dog/cat café date

((bury me in red casket plz))

he will melt when you play with the puppies

but he DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU MELT TOO WHEN HE PLAYS WITH THE PUPPIES GAYT DAYUM

bro is smiley and cute

got you blushing over nothing😭😭😭

im not sorry, because me too😭😭😭😔

cute pics‼️

anti PDA does not exist for a day

he would be so touchy with you

reason: you're adorable and make him want to die so he feels like he need to be clingy

waiting for your snack and drink?

he grabs you by the waist and pull you to his chest so he can lean his head on your shoulders

you would be 😧🤨

"what's wrong, baby?"

he would just hums and snuggle into your neck

😧😧😧😧

shit bro im going to faint don't do that

enjoying the foods while watching puppies n kittens😻😻😻

he would feed you cause he can

so lovey dovey bye

hyuga

listen

sleeping all day

and then a night ride with one of his vintage cars

you can choose your favorite color

both of you don't know where to go, but you just spend the night driving

just enjoying each other's company

some accidently deep talks along the way

late night meals at some random restaurant

y'all joking around so cute

he's in his smiley mood <3

stops somewhere to watch the stars😮‍💨‼️

but you know

watching the stars in your eyes make him feels something

like he would burn the world for you

drive back home at around 4a.m.

if you fell asleep when you arrived at home. he'll carry you to the bedroom😮‍💨😢

kiss your whole face before he joined you to sleep

"i love you"

if you're fake sleeping and said "i love you too"

he would be so flustered

"why are you tricking me?"

he's a big spoon

and he loves give your nape a kiss before he really dozes off

only you know this side of daruma ikka's leader

#high&low #high&low x reader #high&low fluff #murayama x reader #murayama high&low #rocky high&low #rocky x reader #cobra high&low #cobra x reader #smokey high&low #smokey x reader #smoky high&low #smoky x reader #hyuga x reader #hyuga high&low #hyuga norihisa #murayama yoshiki #sword leaders #sword leaders x reader #sword leaders fluff

[heartfullofleeches]

I am a sucker for tension, imagine Evil! Deity and Dea just constantly playing tug of war with this stoic little reader who just trying to go about their day to day life 😭😭 im obsessed w it

"I could destroy your reality in the blink of an eye. Billions- possibly trillions gone to satisfy the hunger of the unsatisfiable. I've done it before, and I'll do it again as much as I pleas. The only thing stopping me is-"

The forgien creature grabs you by the neck.

"You're so cute."

It throws you into its chest, stroking its fingers through your hair as it squeals in delight. "Such an adorable thing you are! The perfect love, the best pet. Oh, for creating something so precious I'll always this waste of a universe to exist a little longer."

You squirm out of their embrace, keeping them at arms distance while using all of your strength to push them away. "Leave me alone, I have to go to work."

"You won't have to if I take care of your every need."

"Not interested. Plus there's already one of you that tries."

As if on cue, Dea walks out of the kitchen holding a tray of muffins. "My grace, I've made you a snack to eat while on your way to work. Would you like me to pack you extra so-"

The tray clatters to the floor as their eyes fall upon the scene. Strength exhausted, you fall victim to the other god's hold; shielding your face from their onslaught of kisses. Dea forces a smile.

"My grace... Who's your um... friend?"

"They aren't my friend. I don't even know they got in."

The other deity turns to face Dea, lips quirked in an amused smile. "Oh? Are you cheating on me already, pup? It's no surpise that you've gotten the eye of another creator. I'll forgive you this once if you allow me a single kiss."

"Piss off."

Dea's eyes grow dark. Your head starts to ache as their skin crackles with the anger flowing through them; tearing as they lose control of their self and form. "If you are not acquainted with them - then leave."

The god laughs. "My, you have a bit of a temper problem, don't you? If you want me to leave, I'll take my prize with me."

"No."

Dea rips you from their grasp, shielding you with their body. As the writing above their cheeks glows, the other god scoffs.

"Fine. I'll leave for now, but I'll be back for what I've claimed. See you soon, darling."

Just as they appeared, the deity is gone without a trace. The haze over your mind clears as Dea looks down at you with a bright smile.

"Are you alright, my grace?'

"Yea.. My boss is kinda kill me though, because I'm quitting."

#Dea my oc #yandere oc #yandere #yandere x reader #yandere scenarios #yandere headcanons #yandere imagines #yandere x you #yandere insert #yandere blurb #yandere god #yandere teratophilia #yandere x darling #yandere x y/n #tw yandere #yandere drabble

[marvelwhore2023]

BLACK WIDOW SERIES AU

Natasha Romanoff x GN Reader

Summary - natasha is the ceo of a designer fashion brand Black Widow , you are her Creative Director and apparently the bane of her existence. She bullies you on the daily and makes you slowly loathe her to the point you break and have a full blown argument with her in her office

---------------

Natasha sat in her thoughts all morning, debating wether to just walk down the hall to your office . She would be lying if she said she didn't feel some relief from confessing her feelings last night, but she also knows her behaviour wasn't the best course of action and she was prepared to apologise everyday until you forgave her but she couldn't move from her chair so instead she called for Maria .

"do you need something ?" Maria questioned, entering the office "yes will you drop this down to y/n's office for me please she needs to sign off on a few things" Maria knew Natasha didn't just want you to sign a few things ..she could've just made Maria email you "sureeee but I don't think she's in yet" Natasha checked the clock and it was ten past when you would normally arrive "but she is usually early ?" It wasn't so much a question more of a worry to which Maria just shrugged and left the office .

You were late..in fact you didn't bother showing up today . You asked Wanda to collect a few bits from your desk that evening and drop them over to your place .

"Hey , thanks for grabbing these for me , I appreciate it" you thanked as soon as you opened the door to the shorter brunette "you know I don't mind doing it , how are you ?" She asked, giving you her best sympathetic smile she usually gives you when she knows you are having a hard time.

"Ah, I'm fine , I just couldn't face the office today," you replied , plopping down onto your couch and waiting for Wanda to join, which she did. "You mean her ?" you nodded "she came by your office you know" Wanda commented "to scold me for how I spoke to her I'm sure" you scoffed "actually no" Wanda interrupted "she came when I was gathering your things and asked where you were and if you were sick"

Natasha suddenly being nice to you was a shock for sure, but you had a feeling it was only so she could keep you on as creative director for the show seems as you practically organised it all yourself

"what did you say" Wanda smirked "I told her you were taking a well deserved day off and left her standing at your office door like a lost puppy" Wanda was proud when she told you what she said to your boss and you laughed along with her "ill probably get fired but I don't care" Wanda shrugged , you shook your head and replied "no she won't fire you , she can't afford to lose her best receptionist slash model" you teased "it was ONE cover shoot y/n let it go !" You laughed when Wanda dramatically slapped your arm "hey I'm just saying your a sight for sore eyes we could use your bone structure on the cover more" Wanda did her signature dramatic bow and giggled "right well I better go , Vis will be waiting for me" you nodded and showed your friend to the door .

The next morning, you knew you would have to go to work because you had a shoot with one of the models , Yelena ... who just so happened to be Natashas, much nicer sister .

Walking down the corridor you passed Natashas office , you locked eyes for a second before looking away and ignoring her stare , when you entered the room you use for shoots Yelena was in the chair getting her hair and make up done "heyyy" Yelena greeted with a smile "my favorite little Russian,  how are you" You smiled and replied "good , ready for this shoot im looking forward to it"

Halfway through the shoot , Natasha showed up . You groaned internally and just tried to ignore her presence until she was standing right beside you "are you going to try ignore me for forever ? we work together that's not exactly possible y/n" she whisper spoke so not to interrupt the people working "yes actually that's the plan" you replied shortly , Natasha sighed heavily "Look I know I deserve the cold shoulder but there's still a level of professionalism I'd like to maintain so it's not exactly peachy when staff see the way you behave towards me" you scoffed and shook your head

Unbelievable

"maybe you should have thought about that before you behaved like a child" you snapped and moved away from her , otherwise your sure you would've punched her in her pretty face

Yelena watched your encounter with her sister carefully and when you approached her while she was changing into the next outfit she questioned you "she's trying her best to apologise you know" you sighed but didn't reply . You hated the fact people in work knew and even talked about your very clear tension with Natasha "I know she is a bitch trust me , I'm her sister I can say that but she isn't great with emotion , our family wasn't exactly all loving"

"you turned out alright" you shot back teasingly and yelena chuckled "yeah well I didn't work for our step father for ten years so I wasn't molded into a cold heartless-sister! I was just telling y/n here that I'm going to be joining you at the show at the end of the month" your not exactly sure Natasha believed yelena wasn't talking about her but she didn't question it "yes , I left the guest list on her desk but she didn't show up to work yesterday " you rolled your eyes "I read it this morning" Yelena looked between the two of you and could feel the tension burning and not the hot kind. 

Over the next two weeks Natasha tried her best to be kind and understanding of your snappy and cold demeanour towards her but you couldn't care less for her new personality change , you despised her and even more so now that she was trying to be nice .

"this is great team thank you and you can all go home early this evening and enjoy your weekends" Natasha said at the end of the meeting , people were happily chatting while leaving the room where as you just went straight back to your office .

You lifted your head when you noticed someone out of the corner of your eye standing at your office door "hey , coffee" Maria said holding up the to go cup and placing it on your desk "thanks Maria" she nodded "don't thank me , Natasha got it for you" You stopped mid sip "like she physically went to an actual coffee shop and bought me a coffee " you asked surprised and Maria nodded "she did ..she also went out of her way to ask the barista your usual" you knew what Maria was trying to do and you weren't falling for it "are you trying to soften the blow as her friend or mine" Maria shrugged "how about both? , ill see you later heading off for the night" you said goodbye to Maria and began packing up yourself to go home , you refused to do anymore late nights for the sake of Natasha doing less work.

On your way out you could hear Natasha on the phone , you would be lying if you said you didn't stand and listen in for a couple of seconds .

"I understand your a shareholder but this is my company , I'm not letting you come in and change things just because you threw a little money at it Dreykov ! No ! NO, I'm doing things my way, and if you don't like that, then pull out. I refuse to be controlled by you any longer !" You quickly left before she noticed you were standing there listening .

Dreykov ..that must be her stepfather .

*time skip two weeks*

Spain was the option Natasha chose for the show and you can't say your complaining . Although it was a winter collection, you were enjoying the sun on your face as you walked from the car to your hotel .

You , Wanda , Maria and Natasha were staying in the hotel closest to the venue and of course it was one of the more expensive ones ...billed to the company .

Natasha had you orgainse a make up and hair team for you all but you passed on that group activity , you didn't want to spend anymore time with that woman than you had to so you just got ready in your hotel room .

Once you were finished and ready you went to check on the progress of the women , entering the room the sting of hairspray hit your eyes and you could smell several different types of perfume and products floating around the room .

"are you all nearly finished , we have an hour until we have to be at the venue" you asked , walking around to face the three women "woah y/n you look so good!!" Wanda fangirled , spinning you around to get a good look , you decided to go all out as much as you hate dressing fancy you loved this black tailored suit Tony made and it went perfect with your blonde hair .

"yeah y/n you look smoking , don't they Nat" Maria added , elbowing Natasha who was blushing a little too much for her liking while she tried to focus on her phone "yeah , y-you look lovely y/n" Nat stuttered. You cleared your throat awkwardly and changed the subject "Hurry up or ill leave without you all" you warned .

Walking through the floods of paparazzi and into the venue you could see a sea full of famous faces , you greeted some you were familiar with and organised for the waiters to begin bringing out beverages and such to the guests .

"it seems a bit weird to have a winter collection presented in one of the hottest countries" you heard from someone behind you and you couldn't help but scoff in agreement you just hoped it didn't put too much of a downer on the show .

As the show began you were back stage making sure eveything ran smoothly , Tony had the models dressed and lined up ready to begin the walk . The music started and the first set of models were sent out . Eveything running as smooth as pie until ...

"what the hell is dreykov doing here!?" Natasha whisper shouted at Maria who just shrugged confused "I have no idea!" Natasha looked around with a panicked expression as Dreykov found his way backstage , Natasha hot on his tail .

"Ah , look at all these beautiful models , hello sexy girl" Dreykov spoke , his Russian accent flowing freely from his mouth "excuse me , this area is restricted" you spoke , standing infront of him so he couldn't come any further as models were changing clothes freely backstage "relax your pretty little head , I'm an investor" he replied , trying to cop a look at a half dressed model

"Dreykov!" Natasha snapped , finally making her way backstage."You are not supposed to be here" Dreykov waved his hand infront of Natashas face in an attempt to shut her up "no I've had enough , security! Remove this man now" you demanded "get your hands off of me!" He shouted causing heads to turn , you shushed him , getting into his face "Dreykov is it ? so your going to get the fuck out of my event and if you don't leave I'm going to have you dragged out of here by the stitches of your very expensive suit , got it ?"

Dreykov was about to protest until he spotted the two very muscular security guards behind you and the crowd of all his peers behind the curtain who would just love a scandal to converse about , he nodded and held his hands up in surrender , taking his pose with him "make sure they leave the building" you told the security who followed the older man .

Natasha hadn't got the courage to confront Dreykov and watching you do it made her heart beat ten times faster "thank you" she whispered and you gave her a small nod of acknowledgement before turning your attention back to the models .

Three hours later the show was coming to an end and the only thing left was for Natasha to give her usual end of show speech and thank the many faces she invited , the music was lowered and Natasha took the stage , after an audience of applause she spoke

"Thank you all for coming , I hope to see some of your names on our books this coming winter" she teased making the crowd laugh "I won't hold you all long I just want to thank everyone involved , the designers , our beautiful models and most importantly" she paused and caught your eyes , you couldn't read her expression but she cleared her throat and smiled softly then continued

"Most importantly I want to thank my creative director , Y/N Y/L/N . They have done a better job at basically running the brand than I ever could have , their determination and creativity surprises me everyday and without them none of this would have been possible so please , a round of applause for Y/N and their hard work" Natasha herself began to clap for you , you blushed from all the attention on you but plucked up enough courage to give a little bow and wave to the crowd .

Once you got back to the hotel with the four women you decided a drink at the bar was more than deserved but when you seen your red headed boss sitting there alone you hesitated for a second .

fuck it

You approached and sat on a seat one away from her and ordered your drink , she looked up from her phone to acknowledge you "hi" you thanked the bartender for your drink "hi" you replied , sipping your drink .

"I'm sorry if my speech made you uncomfortable but it was the truth ..all of it" Natasha confessed

You couldn't help the awkward feeling in the pit of your stomach , Natasha was getting good at confessing her thoughts and feelings and to be honest it didn't so much upset you anymore than it did confuse you

"No i-it , it was a nice speech" you stuttered , you turned to her "but why" you questioned , secretly dying to know why she's suddenly changed overnight and it can't just be because of her so called crush on you .

"I'm sure Yelena has told you about our step father - well he - I let him control my life for a long time and it wasn't until you called me out on my shit that I realised I had turned into the person he wanted and that is not the person I want to be anymore"

you nodded , showing Natasha you were listening . you wanted to tell her that it's too late for apologises and she's a grown ass adult but you knew better and if you were honest you were sick of being petty towards her, you still didn't like her but being hateful isn't who you are .

"I just really want you to know how sorry I am and I understand if you want to leave , I will give you whatever recommendations you need and i-" you interrupted Natasha before she could finish "I'm not leaving , I love my job at this company . Yes my boss is an ass ..was an ass" Nat chuckled a little "but if I was going to leave because of your behaviour I would've left a long time ago" you assured "plus I think you would all fall apart without me" you joked to break the ice "that is very true" Natasha laughed "can we at least be civil?" She practically beg .

"we can be civil if you can work as a team player" she smiled at you fondly "I can do that" you clicked glasses and continued to drink your drink , sitting next to each other in a sort of comfortable silence .

Taglist - @marvelogic @marvelwomen-simp

#marvelau #natasha romanoff x reader #black widow #natasha romanoff

[haitaniapologist]

TR 268, THE FIRST TIMELINE, AND OTHER THOUGHTS 

i’m not one of doing theories because i’m dumb to do such things, but today seems to be a day where god decided to light my head and i had some good thoughts about what currently is happening in tokyo revengers. most of this probably doesn’t even make sense, but hey! tokrev isn’t either. warnings for spoilers of both tokyo revengers and the netflix german show “dark”. 

i’ll divide this theory (idk if i can call this a theory djhsgdja) in four parts! 

shinichiro, mikey and the first timeline. 

the black dragons

what might happen 

more questions i had

that being said, let’s go!! 

SHINICHIRO, MIKEY AND THE FIRST TIMELINE

wakasa’s line really fucked up my head when i first read it. what the hell did he mean with first timeline? the og timeline that takemichi died after being pushed in the train tracks, where draken, hina and naoto died too? it’s probably this one he’s referencing, but this timeline being known as the first one, implies that we have an original timeline — which is quite confusing, because to us, this one wakasa was talking about was the original timeline. 

to me, our original timeline was the timeline shinichiro was trying to create, but he died before he could make sure everything would be fine. 

since he’s now confirmed to be another time-leaper and was time leaping to save mikey, just like takemichi, also implies that something happened to mikey — maybe he died or even went insane because of his dark impulses, but i doubt that. i reached the conclusion that mikey’s dark impulses were born due to shinichiro’s time leaps, even if he didn’t know he was their reason to exist (idk how, though). 

i think mikey died in shinichiro’s original timeline. 

maybe in the car accident that killed papa sano, or in a gang war (i’ll elaborate this, i promise). but i’m sure og’s mikey died as a child/pre-teen, and shinichiro couldn’t get over it. as to how he gained his powers, i think something similar to takemichi must’ve happened to him, or the “deity” (hanma shuji im looking at you rn) of such powers approached him and offered him the chance to save his brother. of course he couldn’t say no. we know how much of a caring older brother shin was, and his death probably affected the other members of his family as well — grandpa sano, emma, and probably even mama sano. shinichiro wanted to save everyone from the sadness of losing such a bright kid. 

shinichiro managed to do it — idk in how many tries, but at least a few — which resulted in takemichi’s original timeline. 

but as i said, shinichiro died before he could make sure mikey would be saved, in which resulted in everything we know from our og timeline — draken dying in the moebius fight, kisaki using this to be toman’s top two and mikey losing himself to his darkness. 

and then takemichi came into the picture. we know akkun was the one who pushed in on takemichi’s first timeline, but who did on his og one? we know it was someone wearing a black and long t-shirt or jacket — sanzu was wearing a black t-shirt on his volume’s undercover, but the black dragons’ uniform is black, too.

THE BLACK DRAGONS

i’m sure shinichiro created the black dragons to save mikey. 

remember when i said i think mikey died in a gang war? and i think i know which one it was — the one between waka’s and benkei’s former gangs, kodo rengo and ragnarok. we don’t know if there was really a gang war between them, but from takeomi’s flashback, we can understand that they at least fought with each other a lot. to the sake of my thoughts, i think mikey must’ve died in a fight between the two gangs, being caught in the crossfire by accident. baji and sanzu were probably with him, too, and perhaps even died alongside their friend. 

anyways. as soon as shinichiro got his timeleaping powers, i’m sure he did exactly what takemichi did — become the top one of a gang, to prevent his beloved one from dying, and he succeeded. we always thought about how shin managed to become the black dragons’ president and stop the war between benkei and wakasa, because we knew he didn’t have fighting skills — and charisma doesn’t win a war. since he’s a time leaper, i’m sure he did what takemichi and naoto were doing, aka searching for things to help him to change the timeline. he was getting the help of someone else if he was doing that, and it probably was takeomi. i’ll not elaborate on this because i'm still waiting for him to come back. 

the main thing is: shinichiro created the black dragons to unite benkei and wakasa, and prevent the battle that killed mikey from happening, gathering info that would help him achieve it. and he did, successfully, and he saved his little brother! but he didn’t know he was going to die, because he didn’t time leaped to make sure things would be fine for him and his family, or if something was going to happen that he needed to prevent — but kazutora was ready to kill god or become god, and shin died before seeing what would happen with mikey’s dark impulses.

WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN 

be aware that this section will contain spoilers of the third season of “dark” 

we have two directions the story can follow: 

takemichi prevents shinichiro’s death, preserving the future he tried so hard to have.

takemichi prevents mikey’s death from the og timeline, preventing shin to become a time leaper. 

the first one is a theory that everyone knows about, but i don’t think it’s the only correct answer for what takemichi needs to do. mikey would still have the dark impulses, and we don’t know if shinichiro being alive would prevent everything from happening — if mikey fell to his darkness, which i think it's a creation of shin’s time leaping without him knowing, i don’t think his brother would be able to take him from it. 

the key is to save mikey, but not this mikey. 

“dark” is a german show that deals with time travel, too. i love it and watched it twice, and i think its ending might have some clues about what will happen in tokyo revengers. to not spoil too much people that didn’t watch it, i’ll just say that jonas, the main character, was trying to prevent himself from becoming the big bad, by doing everything he could after being caught in the madness of time traveling — but he was already falling in the same circle his past/future self did, and he needed to break it. and to break it, he couldn’t save his timeline, but prevent a trigger from happening. that trigger was the death of the son of the creator of the time travel machine, who created it to save his son, but something bad happened when he was creating it, which resulted in the birth of jonas’ timeline. so jonas saved the creator’s son and the time travel machine wasn’t built.

the main thing is: to save mikey, takemichi can’t try to save what is already rotten. he needs to prevent the trigger of shinichiro’s time leaping from happening, which is og mikey’s death. 

saving mikey is still the goal, but not in the way we’re thinking. 

how takemichi will do it? only wakui knows (if that’s his plan).

MORE QUESTIONS 

this section will be just a few thoughts i had during the day and when i thought about this post

who was shinichiro’s trigger? wakasa knew about the time leaping, but i don’t see why he could be shin’s trigger. maybe takeomi? especially if haruchiyo died with mikey in the og timeline. 

if wakasa knew about it, it means takeomi and benkei did too. but why didn't they look after mikey after shin passed away? did they think shin knew he was going to die or something and thought mikey’s future was already what shinichiro wanted? 

where the scar incident fit in? and how sanzu knows about the time leaping? did he hear shinichiro talking about it with takeomi on the day of the incident, or do we have another time leaper? 

how the fuck hanma fits in all of this. we have so many clues about him being a time leaper too, i’ll kill wakui if that was just misleading things. 

how the dark impulses were created. mikey said it was because of shinichiro’s love and i interpreted it as the result of his time leapings. but i could still be wrong. 

who pushed takemichi on the train tracks on his original timeline and why they did it. it was wakasa, benkei or takeomi, trying to find someone who could save shinichiro? was it sanzu? hanma?

anyways, thank you for reading all of this!!! i don’t have nothing to support my thoughts, just the voices in my head.

#tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers theory #tokyo revengers spoilers #tokyo revengers 268 #tr spoilers #tr 268

[makasdisaster]

so i did it OAO, here’s the plushie small fic i was thinking about, lets call it-

Teasing  (Katsuki Bakugou x reader)

(i’m not the best at writing so let me know if there’s anything i should fix, i did try tho ><‘, please DONT take my work or repost it as yours) {minors don’t interact you’ll be blocked}

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

its the afternoon and you're tired but you force yourself to slip out of your boyfriends arms that are too preoccupied holing up his phone to keep a firm enough grip on you to keep you laying in place beside him, "oi, where you goin'?" Katsuki asks shifting his eyes lazily from the screen just as you start garbing your things from his side table "I'm gonna run to the store real quick, i need to get a few thing before they close" you finish zipping up your bag slinging it over your shoulder opening his bedroom door "now you be a good boy and stay here, I'll be right back k? good doggie, try not to miss me too much~"

you're such a tease but that what he loves about you the most, that you can mess with him just as much he does to you and not have to worry because you both don't take any of it too heart “hah~, not the fuck alone you don't-" almost dropping his phone Katsuki practically jumps off his bed grabbing his wallet stuffing his things in his pockets chasing after you down the stairs

after a short car ride to the closes target with some fun toons of your choosing you both make your way inside and to the back getting the things you came for

"i think that's about everything we needed but before we go can we go look at one more thing?" holding the list you made on the car ride closer to yourself, you slightly lean closer into Katsu's personal bubble then he'd like in public with a big smile waiting for his approval "fine, but make that shit fast go it? i don't want to be here any longer that they end up escorting us out" roiling his eyes softly Katsu' continues to push the cart following your now existed form towards the toys

"gaasp, they have it" rushing into the Ille of stuffies you grab a medium sized scruffy looking cream bear that oddly has a few of the same colors as Katsuki"s hearo costume worked into the robin around its neck, it even looks upset just like his signature frowned expression "Isn't it just the cutest ever?" confused with a grossed gaze, Katsuki pushes it gently out of his face looking at you like you've just waisted his time "what are you five? you don't need that crap" with a pout you put it in the baby seat of the cart "oh hush, its the only one im gettin' an plus its a limited edition, they only made five so i gotta'"

you both start walking to the regsters to pay "ya' know, if you wanted something that looked like me to sleep with, we could've skip this lil' trip an' stayed in bed" you blush softly almost stopping in your tracks "i.i dont know what you're talkin' about" he knows you know he figured it out so that means he's going to keep this over you for as long as he can "whatever you say princess, ill just have to make you get the rest then~"

----

when packing up the car Katsu' makes sure the teasing starts as soon as posable, setting the bear in the drivers seat before you get in the passenger side "wa-" you swear you can here him laughing to himself from outside the car.

- - - -

once you both get back to his place you put down the bear paying it no mind as you have to put away all the food an other essentials before you can make your way back towards his room wanting to chill,

after all the work you've just done you make it up the stairs to Katsu’s room only to open the door an find the bear once again sitting in his place but this time on the bed wearing his boxers an holding his phone just like how he would be once returning home "! REALLY KATSUK!?" and just like that right on cue Katsuki's down stairs losing his shit, oh he's going to make this a habit and you're going to suffer finding this thing allover the place till he gets bored but seeing as he didn't make you leave it back at the store means out of all the plushies you've left at his place he minds this one the least because unlike the others, it’s of your favorite person.

#how we feelin? #my first fic #bakugou x reader #short fic #hope it doesn’t seem rushed #bakugou fic #fluff #katsuki bakugou x reader #mha x reader #bnha x reader #bakugou fluff #katsuki fluff #x reader fluff #makabe’s_fic #mdi #baku!plushie abuse

[dapperrokyuu]

I personally do think that the music portion of Project Voltage shouldve been typing themed because not just because thats what the art did, but itd ascertain each song being unique and creative in terms of sound and message.

As neat as its been, I get the sense that every song is just going to say "Pokemon is and was cool, huh?" which is, like, "Yeah...thats why this collab exists. Can we talk about anything else-" Like, that message is fine and dandy as a one off song (e.g. Gotcha by Bump of Chicken; I definitely thought there was another MV before it but I cant find it so I guess that was my imagination, haha)! But for 18 songs in a row...its gonna get old, lol.

[THIS ENDED UP LONGER THAN I ANTICIPATED, CLICK FOR MORE BUT IM SAVING YOU SCROLLING!!!!!!!!!]

I was gonna say Volt Tackle is the only one that says anything beyond "Pokemon is cool!" in a very classically Deco*27 fashion of making electricity/Volt Tackle/battling a love metaphor in general and Miku's pursuits in relationships, but that actually does Inubakumori a disservice since they also focus more on the experience of a being behind a screen trying to connect with the you beyond it (admittedly still need to ponder this a bit more, tbh) AND is genuinely the most unique in terms of OST choices.

MitchieM's music isnt really my thing in the first place, but it being composed of puns--while endearing--also feels like it doesnt say much else other than "Pokemon is cool, huh?" heavily depending on the Pokemon presence (tho Miku's design is real cute in it, hehe). With PinocchioP, as sentimental and heartfelt to the point it made me cry, it also conveyed pretty much the same thing (MV was most visually impressive to me tho; the little Miku's dressed as Pokemon, ahhh!!!).

Like, to an extent, I can accept the choice to not do a typing theme in favor of emphasizing each producer's style without restraint, but the kicker is using the same OST. Like, not only is the message going to be the same, Im kind of futilely hoping to see anything more than battle and Pokemon Center themes in the future songs! Its gonna be predictable and lose its luster, unfortunately!

I didnt even like Inabakumori's Electric Forecast that much at first because Im more into fast paced energetic music (Volt Tackle is probably my fave), but it ranks, stands out, and impresses me over the other two because it used SO MANY different themes, arguably probably the most out of all the released songs so far? Im being easily impressed because Electric Forecast used BURGH'S GYM THEME and the DIVING THEME and the Viridian Forest theme and the Kimono Girl's theme- Inabakumori is relatively new compared to the other 3 and they blew me away not because they somehow have more passion than the others but they...I guess, were experimental! Didnt play it safe! Actually took a deeper look into this 27 year old franchise's IMMENSE collection of music than just sticking to the basics! Not to say they DIDNT used the Pokemon Center theme or a battle theme, but they also did SO MUCH MORE than that in comparison to the others.

Theres was just so much opportunity in the typing theme, I dont think its too big of an ask considering, again, Pokemon's gigantic library of music. A town/route that had environments suitable for a specific type, a notable trainer who used a specific type, miscellaneous themes that give the vibe of a certain type, there was just so much they could do...!

I dunno, its incredibly too soon to be disappointed with this project, but Im just...airing out my feelings, I guess? Id love to be proven wrong, so looking forward to future releases! In the meantime, I point towards Polkadot Stingray's entry in the Pokemon Music Collective, "Ghost Dive," which I think is incredibly impressive and what I had in mind for Project Voltage if they committed to the typing theme. The way it incorporates the themes, the sound effects, the lyrics referring to Ghost-type/adjacent abilities, its also about someone who's a Ghost type fan, so it couldve been the best of all worlds...! And they didnt have to do that at all. Such a good job and banger, truly.

#dee p thoughts #pokemon #vocaloid #project voltage #Im just going bonkers here okay I like pokemon and I like music lol #Youtube

[majorbaby]

im poc and i have a hard time watching mash at points when it comes to the treatment of klinger and the korean characters. not bashing it — it’s a favorite and it was a product of its period — but i wish people cared about issues like that like they cared about the mash shipping discourse of the week — the scope just seems very narrow and from a place of … idk ignorance. sorry for this rant rip :(

my short response to this is: unfortunately shit's hitting the fan right now because of the creation of some version of the trapper vs BJ poll once on the hour, which i maintain, just makes everyone unhappy. there's one going around (you know the one) that is a major upset because the frontrunner is losing and the few who delight in repeated confirmation of the same information are experiencing what it's like to lose (in a highly scientific tumblr poll), for the first time, and therefore things are getting even uglier.

i hope we all come to our senses soon but tbh, so many fandoms have been ruined by ship wars, i'm not confident that we shouldn't be bracing for impact...

no worries about the vent. i'm especially interested in racialized voices in fandom, provided people are willing to put themselves out there. i'll take any opportunity to talk about race on MASH, usually at length. long answer below:

i’m gonna take this apart a little:

im poc and i have a hard time watching mash at points when it comes to the treatment of klinger and the korean characters

i can sympathize with this. it’s one thing to watch something that is racist and another thing to be in a fandom environment where that stuff tends to go largely over peoples heads, and not always maliciously, but because if you’re not affected by something and you haven’t idk, gone to film school, then you may not blink.  it can be very un-fun in a smaller fandom.

i’ve talked at length about how the “S1-3 = immoral and unwatchable, S4-11 = good and pure” is just about the whitest thing i’ve ever heard, but i’ve recently also been thinking a lot about how sex, women and marriage are treated in the early years and… i don’t agree that the later years treat women better, as an overarching statement.  

i maintain that the most egregious narrative crime that MASH committed was having its pro-army moments in the later years, and that’s my opinion. but no era of the show is free from instances of astounding racism and additionally, it does set itself up to stumble into these moments that aren’t “racism” against any one individual but are still prioritizing the experiences of the white main cast over the korean people, in a show about the korean war. 

additionally, some of the casting quirks/lack of continuity are distasteful in some instances and completely fine in others depending on who’s involved. white guy playing multiple generals across different episodes? a non-issue, or potentially a comment on the hivemind of army drones, carrying out their duties without a second thought of the impact they’re having on others. a handful of non-korean, east asian actors playing 100 korean characters across the entire show? hard for me to see how this doesn’t reinforce the idea of the asian monolith, which was another factor in the brutal slaughter of korean civilians during the korean war. 

you have to ask yourself, is it worth it? am i getting something of value from this show that outweighs the parts you’re gritting your teeth to get through? i’ve decided that i do and it sounds like you have too, but there are still a few moments i find completely unwatchable – not many, but they exist. the last five minutes (not including the epilogue) of S03E01 The General Flipped at Dawn is one example – I was so uncomfortable with the minstrelsy at the end and the idea that they had to go that far for everyone to believe that steele was unwell was too much for me to ever rewatch. henry and hawk are appropriately disgusted, and the MP seems to be as well, but I just can't stand to look at the expression of officer williams’ face when it happens. it’s not worth it! i feel similarly about the scene in S06E21 when winchester refers to finding the right woman to marry to be about finding the right kind of “breeding stock” after margaret confides in him about her troubles with her in-laws. it was unnecessary. 

but i wish people cared about issues like that like they cared about the mash shipping discourse of the week 

you can do both. i’ve definitely done both. i try to stay out of it because i think shipping wars are a net negative for fandom communities, but the thing is, shipping biases are also not free of our personally held biases, and it grinds my gears when those personal biases take precedence over what is being said in the narrative. i’m hearing “it’s just a headcanon” a lot but more and more it is unclear to me what being asserted as a headcanon and what is being asserted as intentional messaging within a narrative. i am not saying anyone needs to give a shit about the canon, that’s not really my thing. but i do think we need to be able recognize what the canon is saying. 

for example, it’s important i be able to point out that episodes like the Kids, Kim and Yessir that’s our baby are saying “our white heroes care so deeply about these nameless korean orphans, aww isn’t that sweet” so that i can talk about why the non-korean writers can be so sure it will evoke a certain emotional response in a largely white, American audience. perhaps that is annoying to people but i think it is far more annoying to watch tv while brown and see people who look like you being orphaned or brutalized or what have you without any agency, so that they can be rescued by a white person. 

i appreciate that you might need to vent about how you feel and that’s completely justified, but i’ve also found that those who feel they are targeted by such complaints just feel antagonized and “called out” and become even less responsive to your perspective. i’ve tried to deal with it another way by caring about the things that i wish more people cared about (#race on MASH) and i’ve generally found that the response to that work has been positive. 

fandom is never going to be a place where shipping isn’t the dominant activity. every once in awhile a post floats around about how someone wishes there was more genfic, or more fics about women characters or racialized characters, or that xyz racist thing wasn’t turned into an uwu shipping moment for the nearest couple of bland ass white dudes. and as someone who does love a good uwu shipping moment, when i see posts like that, i mostly look the other way. in my mind, there’s enough work out there that is meant for me, so i don’t take it personally when someone else out there is venting about their experience, which happens to be in the minority. it’s in poor taste for the winning side to gripe about the 1% of time we have to see something that isn’t for us. 

there could be some value though, in talking about the intersection of “shipping discourse” and “race issues” rather than seeing them as two opposing sides. i have a whole post about it i’m working on, but it’s interesting to me that the canonical romantic plot at the forefront of GFA (Klinger and Soon-Lee) is largely untouched in discussions about romance in GFA. 

I have eyes and ears, I know what “I’ll never be able to shake you” sounds like and I’m not trying to take that from anyone – I’m gonna ask for some grace here as a brown gay man myself and tell you that I’m not trying to pit gay love against love between two racialized characters. but it’s important that a character like Klinger, a Lebanese man played by a Lebanese actor, on the most-watched series finale of all time, got to be the romantic hero of the episode. That was a hell of a choice, and it was done intentionally, in a good way. I’m here in 2023 and asian men are still routinely emasculated or otherwise seen as “not an option” wrt sex and romance – to echo a similar statement delivered by Nurse Kellye in s11e01 Hey look me over!. And this is without even really talking about Soon-Lee for now, because I’m going to save that for my “Klinger and Soon-Lee are the romantic leads of GFA” essay. 

I’d also say that i don’t need anyone to care “as much” about xyz as they do about shipping, because as i mentioned before, you’re gonna be in for a bad time if you have that expectation - i say that with love! but it would be nice if people cared at all and didn’t go around shouting down or vagueing at anyone who dares to point out that MASH, like any other thing, isn’t free from criticism. i’ve used h*rry p*tter as an example before because not everyone was shocked that JKR is a massive TERF and a racist and antisemite. people have been talking about her bullshit since the books were published, and some fans are still even willing to separate JKR the person from her books, as though they didn’t come out of her, and as though there aren’t clear examples of her various biases against marginalized people woven all throughout her books. 

so while i wouldn’t say people are ignoring race in favour of shipping discourse, i do think it’s fair to say that race is largely ignored and when it does get talked about, i feel a sort of… resistance. i am frustrated right now by a post i saw that seemed to take a shot at people who try to talk about the real war that happened in korea on a show that is set during the korean war because i don’t know what to make of it. i’m not encouraging anyone to go around yelling at people who are having fun with their lil fanfics and posts and stuff, but i also don’t think it’s an epidemic that is worth vagueing about, and then that post getting quite popular rubs me the wrong way, which perhaps it shouldn’t, i just don’t know what it’s in reaction to because to be honest with you i don’t see a lot of people talking about the war in this fandom? 

for me it comes down to having some level of self-awareness, which we’re called to do in the real world in any communal space, and i wish would apply more to fandoms. like, we recognize the social status and privilege of the “BNF” right? so who’s on the other side of that? who’s at the table, who isn’t etc, all conversations that should be had in all spaces. respectfully, if possible. 

thanks for the ask. i hope you can seek out some people who are supportive of your views and willing to chat with you about them. 

#mash #mashblr #race on mash #ship wars #fandom fandom #replies #re: mash

[cybermeep]

stood out in the rain a bit to see if that would help my current state.. all it did was have cold water hit my pajamas and hair. somewhat relaxing, if not for the bucket of emotions festering in my stomach— feeling like hot magma and ice are injected into my veins, eventually going to mix together and come to a standstill. but not right now. right now both of them are only somewhat starting to mix, the head on collision of two such contrasting forces feeling like a face plant into concrete. or like skinning your knee so bad in a race you know you’re going to lose, but volunteered for anyway; knowing you would be last no matter what you did.

…yeah, the last part did happen to me when i was younger, unsurprisingly. as soon as i fell i felt hot tears run down my face in a mix of both shame and embarrassment. i knew i wouldn’t get far, but i did it anyway. almost nobody even knew i was gone, or volunteered at the last second in the first place.

when i was younger, i hated that fact. hated nobody even realized i was there in the first place, but also simultaneously didn’t want to stay on the field with a knee gushing with blood and dirt either. looking back on it, i think i just wanted somebody to realize i was gone and say they hoped i was okay.

now things are difficult, confusing. the friends i had as a little girl aren’t the same ones i have today. i still wish for people to hope im okay, but i don’t say it; don’t really ask for it.

life is.. a lot. im having to process new things (new things which are so common and easy for other people, but extremely new to me) and i don’t know what to do about it. i can’t do anything about it. and you’re gonna say “no, you can! you can do this!” but it isn’t that simple. nothing is ever simple, really.

i guess its as myhouse.wad said in its diary section of the mod— “happiness has to be fought for.” which is true! i’ve fought tons of awful shit just to be where i am right now. i mean, im not perfect, but i’m here! i still exist! that has to mean something to someone, right? if not to anyone else, then to me!

…but even then, it’s not like i’m fighting for just my own happiness. i always wanna do whatever it is in my power to make sure everyone around me is okay, too; and doing that makes me realize that i’m not.. well. to put it in gentler terms, i’m never going to be my happiest. letting others be happy, or helping them achieve that goal, is great! its what i want to do, really. seeing other people light up is worth it to me. all i want is for the people i care about to be happy, whether i’m apart of it or not.. which hurts. the part of not being apart of it, i mean. it stings, feeling akin to being burnt alive to then being frozen over— (dramatic, i know..) but i’d rather i be the one to go through that than for anyone else to endure a fate as of that nature.

…granted, theres no exact reason why i should be the one to be put through that. i realize im a decent person all around, and a fate as that would make more sense for someone else of more cruel personality and actions.. but i don’t really mind. i can take that placement— because i know i can still see the good in things, regardless of how shitty the situation is. all in all, i won’t get the future or life i know i want.. and that’s okay. i’m fine with it. of course, not really— as i want more than anything to achieve the things i so desperately strive for— but soon enough i’ll be fine with it. if not now, soon i’ll be okay.

#sorry for a depressing post on a saturday morning. it may happen again #ill probably delete this later #i will be fine in. uh. exactly 11 hours and 48 minutes. and a day. #cybers tangents

[goldambitious]

4am 3/10/23

Maybe it’s the music, maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s the piercing sober thoughts

But tonight feels heavy, the anxiety feels heavy, and the darkness feels consuming

The guilt is heavy

The pressure is heavy

I’m okay, but it’s been a while since I’ve written, and tonight I would like to release — here on this app that appears abandoned — where I hope nobody I know will read

I feel this darkness inside of me, it surfaces from time to time — straight up angst, melancholy, and shame

I’ve let so many people down, and I’ve picked so many up

My sober-self-sabotaging brain tends to focus on the ones I’ve failed—mostly failed due to my bad habits

I’ve loved, and I’ve lost — and Im talking about that “the notebook” type love…

I think I truly wear my heart on my sleeve, when I love romantically — it is … hard-furious-passionate and you will feel it; it tends to consume me… and almost everytime it translates into jealousy, and I let my insecurities win, and it gets truly ugly

Nonetheless, 2 long relationships have forever shaped and changed my perspective on life, and yeah I do feel deeply depressed and ashamed when I think of how terribly I fucked it all up..

I wish I could apologize to those two women I gave my heart too in the past, but it would do no justice, all the sins I committed cannot be absolved by a simple “I’m sorry” — nothing can change my mistakes, and I truly think that those two people — they know my heart — it’s not black, it’s not empty — more-so.. misguided, maybe I’ll even say jaded.. — I let my pride and ego ruin me . . .

Well, my heart and my mind feel really heavy thinking of the beautiful / terrible memories I shared with the 2 people I romantically fell in love with — I’m terrified of love, I think it is my biggest fear — I realize now, how easily I can lose myself, how I love so hard, how i can be suffocating ..

I don’t know if I’ll ever feel that type of love again — I don’t know if I’ll ever let myself love like that again — my last love was “the one that got away” — my best friend - turned love of my life — and I ruined that — if I’m being honest with myself, I don’t want to love anyone else like I loved her — I refuse — I don’t think anyone on this planet exists like her — all I can say is I’m grateful I got to experience that — it was a beautiful disaster — she was beautiful - I was the disaster - it was magic

Now that I let that part out…

I miss my cousin, I miss you so fuckin crazy brother, I hope you’re spirit is watching over me — I hope you’re not suffering — I hope you give me the strength I need to succeed and keep it pushin gangsta — I love you — no savès cuanto me haces falta loco

Why god took you from us so soon? I don’t know & I don’t think I’m supposed to ask

But FUCK, I can’t help it, the relationship that existed and still exists between me and you.. that was a one of a kind, you listened to me — you opened up to me — and everyone in that varrio knew what it was wit you n me — straight up dos pocos pero locos vatos, desde morritos primo, bien locos — peleando como hermanos pero Al fin del dia hermanos firmè

I miss your laugh, I miss our inside jokes, I miss your presence when I had to cry about my hyna & we downed a couple 40s wit some firmè ass music on, smokin on sumthin nice n fine ahaaaa

I love you Alexis, until we meet again cousin.

————————————————————————

And to end this journal entry, it’s for you mom and dad, Erika, all of my family.

I feel stagnant, I achieved my first generation Bachelors degree, but I’ve been too intimidated to apply for a real job.. is it my anxiety? Is it my depression? — I think it’s a mixture of all the darkness I’ve endured — situations I’ve let impact me and mentally block me — emotionally block me — physically block me — I’m exhausted … I’m stuck. — but I can feel my time is coming, I am evolving .. I will prove to myself… I can do it.

I am sorry I haven’t been the man you all raised me to be

— I know I said, a simple apology will never absolve me of my sins, but it goes without saying, that apology is from the bottom of my heart.

I wish I could give you guys the life I know you deserve.

I’m 27, and I want to give you all the world.

Including my sister and my aunt and my brother in law.

I want to give you all the world

You deserve it all and more.

And I won’t stop until I’ve righted all my wrongs.

God willing:

I won’t stop until I prove it to myself — for myself.

I am the man they raised me to be.

I love myself.

I deserve it.

Until next time 🤞🏾

#justathought #venting #journal entry #tristeza #pensamientos #fuck #heavy angst #deep thoughts #just breathe #anxiety

[darkchocolatedimples]

i finished lover too!!

i forgot that you existed - linh

me when she gets over her parental trauma 😻

cruel summer - fitz

i actually feel very strongly about this even though i didn't expect to

lover - linh

the man - biana

the younger sister of 2 older brothers and keefe i refuse to believe this song ISNT her

the archer - sophie

i feel like this song really fits her, the lyrics the production everything.

i think he knows - fitz

ITS SO PERFECT HES SO LYRICAL SMILE INDIGO EYES HAND ON MY THIGH WE CAN FOLLOW THE SPARKS ILL DRIVE

miss americana & the heartbreak prince - sophie

aka sophie and keefe

paper rings - biana

i like shiny things but i'd marry you with paper rings SHE WOULD LOVE THIS SONG

cornelia street - tam

i have a gut feeling he would just enjoy this song so much

death by a thousand cuts - dex

trying to find a part of me you didn’t take up!!! gave you too much but it wasn’t enough!!!

london boy - dex

this song is about him and he knows it. DEX DIMPLES SUPREMACY

soon you'll get better - tam

who am i supposed to talk to? what am i supposed to do? if there's no u.

false god - linh

you need to calm down - sophie

give my girl a break

afterglow - fitz

tell me that your still mine. tell me that we’ll be just fine. even when i lose my mind. tell me it’s not my fault. tell me that im all you want. even when i break your heart.

ME! - keefe

it's nice to have a friend - dex

chokes on tears

daylight - tam

today i took a turn and decided to be on my kam shit

#taylor swift #lover album #kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #kotlc stellarlune #keefe sencen #fitz vacker #sophie foster #biana vacker #dex dizznee #tam song #linh song #keeper of the lost cities (taylor's version)

[munsons-maiden]

now that summer has started again and my usual responsibilities for uni have just ceased to exist i am struggling so hard with daydreaming and just being in my delulu era making up scenarios rather than actually living my life and going after what i want irl and i hate it sm but cant actually stop and i hate that instead of making memories that ill be able to tell my future kids im just wasting away in my bed making up scenarios like wth am i supposed to do

Hi love!

First of all, I can relate to the first half of your ask. I'm a daydreamer, too. 80% of my free time is dedicated to writing and dreaming up stories.

There is nothing wrong with staying at home, with creating stories and worlds in your own mind and with daydreaming. The world needs daydreamers and stargazers, and it sounds like that's a part of yourself so you shouldn't per se try to change it. I think what's important is to find a balance. I feel like first making time to do my chores and do what I have to do to get where I want to get in real life (carreer-wise, uni-stuff-wise) is the way to go for me (for example, I'm setting timers and plan when to do that stuff so I'll be able to focus on that instead of getting caught in my daydreams) and as soon as that set time is over, I'm free to go back to writing (and daydreaming, which at least for me walk hand in hand). Maybe that's something you could try to find for yourself as well, a structure to balance it out? As for the real life stuff, I have set days at which I spend time with my friends (works best for them, too). For example, I meet my best friend every Wednesday night, and so on. I'm not a social butterfly, I got few but very close friends so that kind of structure works perfect for me and I can still be spontaneous (but it might not work if you got a bigger social circle) and do sports. This way, it won't feel like you're caught between two worlds and have to decide for one, because you don't have to decide for one.

It's perfectly fine to lose yourself in daydreams as long as you make sure you got a red thread to still tie you to real life, to your irl goals and friendships (those are important, too, for your mental health!)

You should make memories for yourself and not just to tell your future kids about. Your future kids, if you decide to have any, will have their own memories to make, and memories to make with you.

I hope I was able to help 🖤

#kiki answers #advice

[commander-gloryforge]

😭 ☀️ 🌏 for astrid :3

YUPPIEE THANKS! might be answered a bit nonsensical/chaotically because im a bit tired but HEEERE WE GO my daily dose of astrid thoughts! i love sharing astrid thoughts!!!

😭 CRYING - what makes them cry? do they cry easily?

Astrid doesn’t cry easily at all, in fact, it’s incredibly rare for her to cry even when let’s say someone dies. She’s lost people dear to her very early on in life and even when her fathers died, she didn’t cry, because she didn’t understand death when it happened the first time a father was taken from her, and she already had experienced it once before and was “used to it” so to say when her other dad died. She also tends to hide grief through anger and aggression, like when Forgal died. She did tear up, but it wasn’t really crying in that sense i guess.

She doesn’t cry of happiness either, nor does physical pain make her cry, and right now I can’t think of an instance that made her cry truly.. However, she and her character development are still stuck in LW1, and things might change later on… especially with the happenings of HoT. I’m not too sure yet but I can see how certain events there could break her for good.

☀️ SUN - are they a morning person? what is the first thing they do in the morning?

honestly ?? i don’t think astrid has a normal sleep schedule so morning is just another random time of day like any other?? she doesn’t sleep when “it’s time to sleep” but rather when she feels the need to sleep. day and night mean nothing to her. oh i haven’t slept for 30 hours because i wasn’t tired but i guess i am now. so i’ll sleep. [and it’s 3pm or something] oh there’s a big battle coming soon and i need to be rested. for how long? 7 hours i guess. so i’ll sleep now and wake up in 7 hours. time doesn’t matter.

it’s probably always been like this and it’ll only get worse once we hit HoT where there are important things happening at night so Astrid will simply rest once she believes that it is safe for her to rest. Everything’s fine in the camp as soon as the sun goes up? She’ll sleep then. There are still dangers? She can stay up a few more hours then. I think one of her OP Traits is that she isn’t as affected by sleep deprivation. Of course she can (and will) suffer from exhaustion but generally it’s not much of a problem for her to stay up over long periods of time.

To answer the question: “morning” doesn’t exist. and when she wakes up, she does whatever needs to be done. and if there’s nothing to be done she’ll just go to sleep again 👍

🌏 EARTH - will they give up the world for someone they love? is this decision easy for them?

for this one i have to think a bit which isn’t my specialty tbh. i think. hm. i think right now, Astrid hasn’t had the opportunity to give up someone, or give up the world for someone. i think right now, people only gave up themselves for her. and i think if you asked her this question, she’d say that she would always act for the greater good and to preserve the world instead of saving someone close to her. but is that so true…? i don’t know yet.

again, her character is kind of stuck in LW1 still and though i have ideas on how to develop her in the future, it hasn’t really.., happened yet? there are times where she will be giving up someone she loves for the world, but the other way around? well, she probably will be sick of losing someone she loves one day. not sure when that day will come but it’s kind of inevitable.

im not gonna proofread any of this sorry if nothings making sense i’m just saying shit atp because if i think about it too long i’ll forget to post it again and then there are 100 unanswered asks again 😭

#i forgot to tag this wait #astrid gloryforge #dio answers

[buspolaris]

Yuris revenge cant go into network

I have to do this now, though I dont know if this is related to the problem. back then I never needed to modify the shortcut to "emulate Win98" for the game to work. I have played Yuri's Revenge on SP3 in the past (though it was on a different motherboard). I lose *all* internet connectivity, I can't surf, IM doesnt work, I can't even ping my DSL modem. This is more than just losing the ability to go back into the chat room and find (or create) a new game to play. Everything is fine *except*, after each online game, as soon as it ends (whether I win or lose), my internet connection completely freezes. I went on a several-month haitus and recently began playing again on my WinXP SP3 machine. Hi there, not sure if it's appropriate to make this a response to the existing thread or start a new one. For each of these, right click on the executable, select Properties, go to the Compatibility Tab, and under Compatibility Mode, check the box that says Run this program in compatibility for:, then Select Windows 98 / Windows Me in the drop down menu and hit OK. If you are using XP and you receive an error when booting up Yuri's Revenge, try going to the directory with the Yuri's Revenge executables in it (they're named Yuri.exe and/or RA2MD.exe). I've heard 802.3 isn't made for a wireless connection. It could also be the case, of course, that switching to a wired connection is all we had to do to fix it. To fix this, we had to switch the wireless computer to a wired network connection served off of the switch, not the router, and once we did that the other two computers were able to see that computer in the Yuri's Revenge Lobby. The other two were connected to the switch, so they were further down the hierarchy than the wireless computer, and neither of the wired computers could see the wireless one in the lobby, but the wireless could see both of the others. One of the computers was connected wirelessly on the network, so it was connected directly to the router. In our case, we had the internet feeding a wireless router which was feeding a switch. We had issues keeping Network Threat Protection in SEP disabled, so we uninstalled Symantec altogether just to test if it was blocking the game, and as soon as we uninstalled in we could see each other in the Yuri's Revenge Lobby.Ĭheck your physical network hierarchy for the computers you want to play with. In our case, any player with Symantec Endpoint Protection was unable to see other players in the Lobby, and vice versa. Some antivirus programs block computers trying to play Yuri's Revenge. The correct network card will be the Physical Address listed for whatever device connects you to the internet (Typically Local Area Connection 3, and typically this is the only device listed). Type in cmd and hit enter, a command prompt will show up. You can tell which number is correct by going to your start menu in Windows and selecting Run. Select the correct network card in Yuri's Revenge by running the game and going to Options: Network. Ours were already installed, but if you have trouble getting that set up just Google "Install IPX Protocol". Get an IPX protocol installed on your network drive, make sure the Frame type is set to 802.3 and the Network Number and Internal Network Number are set to 00000000. Hope this helps anybody struggling with it. By the time all the dialogue is done and a couple minutes of waiting between people talking, the nuke is ready to launch and I'm pretty much buggered for that mission as my power plants are destroyed and therefore cant use the weather control device.K, so, I just spent a day and a half sorting through forums and working on getting YR networked, and I made a checklist of all the things we had to fix to get it working. Mission starts with the nuke timer at around 3 mins and your own weather control device at around 1 min 30 s. After someone is done talking, I'll be stuck hovering over the area they just explained for 30 seconds to a minute before the next dialogue sequence kicks inįor ex, there is an allied mission where Yuri has a nuke silo built and you have to destroy it. I'm not sure if they are considered 'cutscenes' or not, but when I'm playing campaign in Yuri's Revenge the scenes that explain a mission once you can start to see the map (that show the person talking in the map screen in the top right) are veerryy slow to finish/kick in.

#Yuris revenge cant go into network