Remember when I said I stayed up all night writing an entire Alastor version of Poor Unfortunate Souls?
Well, I originally intended to just switch up the lyrics, but now there are a lot more stage directions and some additional dialogue in there too.
It’s in the same format as the song lyric site I got the original lyrics from, because I did not expect to be doing all this, lol. It was just supposed to be a lyric swap.
More actions will probably be added when I translate this into my usual format, as well as better descriptions, but I swear, this was just meant to be lyrics and a little but of dialogue!
[Alastor, spoken]
The only way to get what you want is to become an angel, yourself.
[Charlie, spoken]
And you can do that? Just turn a demon into an angel?
[Alastor, spoken]
Why of course! Provided the demon in question is you.
The transformation would be impossible for a Sinner, but biologically speaking, you’re halfway there already!
[Charlie, spoken]
But… why? Why would you help me?
[Alastor, spoken]
Because, my dear – this is what I do. It’s what I live for.
Well, as much as any Sinner can live, hahaha!
[Alastor turns to Husk and Niffty, Niffty laughs with him while Husk rolls his eyes; Alastor turns his attention back to Charlie]
[Sung]
I admit that in the past I’ve been quite nasty
They weren’t kidding when they called me, well, a witch
But you’ll find that nowadays
I’ve mended all my ways
Repented, seen the light, and made a switch
[Spoken]
True?
[Husk shakes his head in the background; Alastor ignores him]
Yes.
I won’t deny my decades of terrorizing the masses, but my work became mundane, aimless… Who knew death upon death upon death could get so damn boring!
So, here I am! With a new lease on my Afterlife.
Helping unfortunate demons such as yourself in an effort to keep myself from slipping further into the bottomless pit that is boredom.
And truly, it is quite rewarding! Offering hope to those poor Souls with no one else to turn to.
[Sung]
Oh, I fortunately know a little magic
It’s a talent that I always have possessed
And here lately, for a laugh
I use it on behalf
[Alastor conjures up silhouettes representing Husk and Niffty; Husk’s silhouette is of his demon form, with a shadow that looks suspiciously like Alastor’s looming over it; meanwhile Niffty’s is human]
Of the miserable, the lonely, and depressed
[Spoken, as an aside to the real Husk and Niffty]
Pathetic
[Husk narrows his eyes and deepens his frown but says nothing; Niffty seems unbothered]
[Sung]
Poor unfortunate Souls
In pain, in need
[Referencing the silhouette of Husk]
This one needs to be a winner
[Referencing the silhouette of Niffty]
That one wants to get a man
And do I help them?
[Alastor snaps his fingers, and the silhouettes change; Husk’s is surrounded by poker chips and celebrating with other people while Alastor’s shadow lurks in the crowd; Niffty’s is in a wedding dress and veil, standing at the altar with a groom]
Yes, indeed!
Those poor unfortunate Souls
So sad, so true
They come flocking to my tower
Crying, “Spells, Alastor, please!”
And I help them!
Yes I do
Now it's happened once or twice
[Alastor gives the ‘pay up’ gesture to Husk and Niffty’s silhouettes]
Someone couldn't pay the price
[Both silhouettes both shake their heads]
And I'm afraid I had to rake them ‘cross the coals
[The poker chips, party-goers, and Niffty’s husband disappear; Niffty’s silhouette is transformed into her demon form, and both silhouettes are collared with green chains around their necks]
Yes I've had the odd complaint
[Husk flips Alastor off from just offscreen]
[Brief Alastor nun outfit appearance]
But on the whole I've been a saint!
[Alastor returns to his usual outfit]
To those poor unfortunate Souls
[Alastor, spoken]
Now, here’s the Deal. I’ll make you a potion that will turn you into an angel – wings, halo, all that jazz – for three days. Do you hear me?
[Spoken, with increased radio static]
Three days.
[Spoken, normally]
Now listen closely, my dear, because part this is important. Before the sun sets on the third day, you’ve got to get your precious angel to fall in love with you.
That is to say, she has to kiss you.
[Alastor pauses, as if trying to remember something]
That’s an appropriate measurement for romantic love, right?
[Charlie, spoken]
Uh, sort of?
[Angel Dust, spoken]
Not really.
[Husk stifles a laugh; Alastor waves his hand dismissively]
[Alastor, spoken]
Well, I’m sure you two can hash out the details later! For the sake of our Deal, you only need her to kiss you. But she needs to be the one to initiate it! No cheating!
If she does kiss you before the sun sets on the third day, you can keep the halo, permanently.
But! If she doesn’t, then you turn back into a demon, and…
[Spoken, sinisterly with increased radio static]
You belong to me.
[Angel Dust makes an aborted movement as if to grab Charlie and run, but freezes; Sir Pentious raises a hand]
[Sir Pentious, spoken hesitantly]
Um, Princessssss-
[Niffty tackles Sir Pentious; Angel Dust startles at the movement; Husk comes and sits next to Angel Dust]
[Husk, spoken to Angel Dust]
Sorry, kid. It’s up to your friend whether or not she falls for his bleeding heart bullshit.
[Alastor snaps his head 180 degrees to face Husk; his eyes briefly turn to radio dials as he flashes Husk a warning look; Alastor turns his attention back to Charlie, looking only his normal amount of creepy]
[Alastor, spoken]
So, do we have a Deal?
[Charlie, spoken]
If I become an angel… If I stay up in Heaven… I might never see my parents or my friends again.
[Alastor, spoken]
But you will have your lady love. Haha, existence is full of tough decisions, isn’t it? It looks like you’ve got one hell of a choice to make, sweetheart! Ha!
Oh, and there is one more thing.
We have yet to discuss the subject of payment. You can’t get something from nothing, you know.
[Charlie opens her mouth to speak, only to be interrupted by Alastor before she can get a word out]
I’m not asking much, just a token really, a trifle!
[Charlie, spoken]
You... You want my soul?
[Alastor, spoken sinisterly with increased radio static]
Your Soul?
[Alastor, spoken normally]
Heavens, no.
What I want from you, my dear, is…
[Alastor hooks his microphone under Charlie’s chin]
[Spoken darkly with almost no radio static]
Your voice.
[Charlie, spoken confused]
My voice?
[Alastor, spoken]
Yes indeedy, sweetheart!
[Alastor counts out each point on his fingers]
No talking, no singing
[Alastor boops Charlie on the nose]
Not one single peep out of you during your Heavenly courtship.
[Charlie, spoken]
But without my voice, how can I-
[Alastor, sung]
You’ll have your looks.
[Alastor pinches Charlie’s cheeks]
That charming smile!
[Spoken]
And if all else fails…
[Alastor spins Charlie around, reminiscent of the way he did in the pilot during his ‘I want to watch the scum of the Earth struggle’ speech]
You could always try interpretive dance!
[Angel Dust, spoken]
Or you could write shit down.
[Alastor, spoken]
Well, that’s a lot less fun. But sure! Why not?
Just keep in mind…
[Sung]
The folks Upstairs don’t like a lot of blabber
They think a girl who gossips is a bore!
[Alastor starts gathering ingredients for the potion]
Yes, in Heaven it’s preferred for ladies not to say a word
And after all dear, what is idle prattle for?
[Alastor starts throwing bottles over his shoulder and into the cauldron]
Haha! Angels aren’t all that impressed with conversation
[Alastor bends backwards so that his head is upside-down and facing Charlie; for a moment his deathmark is visible]
It passes right between their Holy ears
[Alastor puts himself in a more normal position and his deathmark disappears; he batts his eyes and poses, flicking his ear on the word ‘fawn’]
But they dote and swoon and fawn
[Alastor briefly turns away and rolls his eyes while Charlie can’t see]
On a lady who's withdrawn
[Alastor takes out what appears to be a human tongue and throws it into the cauldron]
It’s she who holds her tongue who perseveres.
Come on you poor unfortunate Soul
Go ahead!
Make your choice!
[Alastor conjures an illusion of Vaggie, staring lovingly at Charlie]
I'm a very busy demon and I haven't got all day
It won't cost much
[Alastor bursts through the illusion, smiling maniacally]
Just your voice!
You poor unfortunate Soul
It's sad but true
[Alastor wraps one arm around Charlie]
Nothing comes without a price, my dear
I’m sure you understand
[Alastor spins Charlie again, this time throwing her off balance and almost causing her to fall into the potion; she braces herself on the edges of the cauldron]
Take a gulp and take a breath
[Alastor offers his hand, which is glowing ominously green; his antlers are grown out]
And go ahead and take my hand
[Alastor watches Charlie’s reflection in the cauldron as she visibly steels herself to accept the Deal]
[Spoken as an aside]
Husker, Niffty, now I've got her, ha!
[Sung]
The boss is on a roll
[Charlie picks herself up, turns to Alastor, and shakes his hand]
This poor unfortunate Soul!
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Romione Fic Preview: Virgo's Groove
My first snippet!!
When I first heard "Virgo's Groove" on Beyonce's Renaissance album, it was screaming to be turned into a Romione fic. Dedicating this to @comradekarin, who is hopefully not the only person on this damn app to fully appreciate that with me lol.
Fic takes place in Deathly Hallows when Lupin comes to Shell Cottage to share the news of Teddy's birth. Originally written for the @romione-trope-fest (lol guess which trope) but I didn't get my shit together in time 🙃
Beyonce stan or not, if you like what you see, please follow and reblog and subscribe to me on AO3! The more engagement I get, the faster I'll be able to finish it 😚 Hoping to get it out while it's still Pisces season in honor of my blorbo 🙌🏽 ♓
***
"A boy!" exclaimed Fleur to Ron and Hermione as Lupin made a beeline towards Harry. "A Taurus boy! 'Zis community needs more earth signs. Can you believe 'zere are nine Weasleys but no earth signs?"
"Hermione's an earth sign," Ron piped up. "I reckon you both have the same sign actually."
Fleur cast wide eyes at Hermione. "'Ermione, you are a Virgo as well? But of course you are!"
"Why 'of course?'" asked Hermione, brow furrowed.
"You 'ave all 'ze Virgo traits. 'Ardworking, perfectionist—"
"Controlling," added Ron, snickering. Hermione glared at him. Fleur watched the interaction with a knowing smile.
"Sensual." Fleur winked at Ron. "Especially when it comes to our opposite sign."
That got Ron to stop smiling.
"How about some wine to celebrate?" Bill announced.
"Oh yes!" Fleur exclaimed with a clap of her hands. "'Zere is much to celebrate," she added, throwing Ron and Hermione another impish look. "Beel, why don't you fetch 'ze '82 Bordeaux my parents gave us for Christmas? Remus, you must stay for a drink or three…"
Hermione never took her eyes off Ron.
"What?"
She pursed her lips. "Lavender seems to have taught you much about astrology."
Ron scratched the back of his head nervously. "Most of what I know about astrology I remember from Divination actually."
"What else do you remember from Divination?"
"About Virgos? Fleur covered the basics, I reckon."
Hermione hesitated before asking in a quiet voice, "Do you know what she meant about the opposite sign?"
Ron's cheeks lit on fire. The corner of the dining room table suddenly seemed fascinating. "Yeah, er, o-opposite signs of the Zodiac tend to have, er, r-really strong compatibility…in that area…"
"You learned that in Divination?" she questioned, voice sharp.
"That, ah…" Ron traced the groove of the table. "That I did learn from, er, Lavender… It was in some stupid Witch Weekly article."
Ron waited with bated breath for a scathing remark, but nothing came. He finally looked up. Hermione was staring at him with an inscrutable expression.
"So…" she eventually said slowly, taking a step forward. Her hand, too, aimlessly traced the groove of the table, but her eyes remained on Ron. "My opposite sign is…Pisces?"
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Another sneak peek ;
Music drifted up from below as the silence extended, the confession thick like the fog in the air. Steve couldn’t see his face, but the way Kas inclined his head, the tension that bled into his shoulders… he was expressive, and, while he couldn’t see behind the helm, Steve knew his eyes were distant, sad.
He wondered what colour they were.
“Who’s to say you’re anything like the lich?”
Kas snapped his head upwards, and his shock was visible even with the helm. “What?” he asked, his voice quiet like a soft gasp.
“I don’t think the lich would be having this kind of conversation,” Steve began with a small smirk. He drifted closer, only a pace or so, but enough that their toes nearly touched. When had the space between them grown so small? The prince wasn’t sure.
“That weight you bear, holding the lives of so many in your hands… it is not an easy burden,” Steve continued softly. “Ever since I was a child, I was expected to lead a kingdom. Having to do that while I had a connection to them all? Knowing each time one of them got hurt, everytime they were happy or mad, when each of them died?” Steve shook his head, once again finding the reverence he’d held for years build in his chest. “I haven’t met a single man who could do that and not grow mad or hungry with power.” Then Steve paused, and, before he could stop himself, his hand migrated to Kas’ helm. He rested his hand against the metal, along the line of scratches carved across one cheek, and he felt the creature still under his touch. “I think I may have met him now.”
This close, he could hear Kas gasp, and feel the cold wisps of magic that licked out from the helm. Steve traced his thumb along one of the grooves, recalling the moment Kas had carved them on the field filled with corpses and snow. He wondered how scared he’d been, slowly coming back into a body that had committed the acts it had.
He knew Kas could read his expression easily, he’d never been good at hiding his emotions when his guard slipped, and he was vaguely jealous that the creature could hide behind his helm. Steve knew his own face was lax, his eyes drowning in awe. Steve wondered if Kas could see the yearning he so desperately felt, the need for connection. A connection to someone else who understood the pain of having the world on their shoulders.
“I’m not deserving of that praise,” Kas finally said, his voice tight. Steve wondered if he was holding back tears, if his eyes were misty behind the black fog.
Inexplicitly, Steve felt himself lean closer. “It’s not praise, it’s the truth,” he said, like it was just that simple. “I don’t understand how you can be so humble.”
“Humble?” Kas objected, his voice raspy, a touch breathless.
Steve’s hand trailed from his helm to one of his wings, touching the one that bore the scars he’d left behind with his sword. It was soft like leather, smooth as bone, and he could feel Kas tremble under his bare touch. “You know, you’re not anything like I thought you’d be like,” Steve murmured. He could feel Kas shudder, hear the weak exhale escape his lips as his fingers mapped out the dip of his wings, entranced. “You’re good, albeit a little foolish if you don’t have half a mind to see it.”
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