#figure is. the musician. the person that would have been in a stables if you tried to steal a horse. etc.
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forgive me if i don’t make sense bc i don’t really know how to articulate this, but taliesin talked a lot about “trying to figure out what punk means in exandria” and wondering what’s there to be angry about. and after the last string of episodes i feel like that it’s a question that he baked into ashton’s character. like yes ashton is punk and they have justified anger but the Rest of their anger is deflective to stop them from interrogating themselves and their decisions further. idk it’s really interesting to me
It is! It's something I really love about Ashton and it's something I think Taliesin was very thoughtful about in his character creation. I think Taliesin is extremely strong in character creation in general, and it's a rare person who can make a character based on a philosophical premise who also feels very real.
That really is the core of Ashton, and I think it's a great commentary. I do still intend to watch The Decline of Western Civilization Part III (winter break perhaps?) but I am broadly familiar with the gutter-punks on which Ashton was based, and again, the punk movement as a whole. There have always been politically-minded punks; but I advise you look up the backgrounds of, say, the average Fugazi/Minor Threat, Bad Religion, Dead Kennedys, or Propagandhi musician because they are, by and large, middle-class white guys with relatively stable and happy childhoods, and the idea of Ashton as someone dedicated to the Tumblr uwu kindness is punk "look at this perfect baby who doesn't steal pennies how kind and generous to only take literally everything else" archetype was always a massive projection. They've always been far more in the model of the Break Shit, Get Wasted punk than, well, the straight edge and veganism of the above.
(I also think that while it's true that a lot of punk houses did take in anyone and were something of a refuge for many a la Color In Your Cheeks, there was also a lot of Missing Stair Fallacy shit going on in the punk community even then. Ashton is in fact an example of the flaws in that sort of subculture: the Nobodies were there until they really, really weren't, and that's not unusual for that kind of punk friendship. It's found family until you're too inconvenient and dangerous to make it worth it. Taliesin explores this a lot, incidentally; that was very much what he was doing with Molly, and I would love to hear him talk about that kind of surface-level closeness that isn't strong enough to stick because as someone who both participates in fandom and loves to observe and analyze fandom as a phenomenon itself, it's a very real dynamic.)
Ashton has had an awful life. That's the premise. Nothing good has happened to them. There are plenty of valid reasons for them to be angry. Some are people who deserve it (their parents for the fucked up ritual; the Nobodies for abandoning them; Jiana Hexum for exploiting them), some are people who don't deserve their anger but to be fair haven't done anything to deserve their respect either (Percy, the gods), but many have been perfectly kind and reasonable and Ashton has rejected them because they're in a position of authority or seemed too nice. And there's plenty of stuff he's mad about that isn't easily pinned on anyone; the chronic pain is a shitty side effect of one or both of his traumas but no one person is responsible.
Ashton is an incredibly cynical person, and this extends to himself. As I've said before, I think they absolutely mean it when they say that they would have done the exact same thing the Nobodies would do, and this has been used to both cover up the intense hurt that came from their abandonment, but also, I think part of Ashton's own self-loathing comes from the fact that yeah, they are the kind of person who'd have done the same, and that isn't a very good person, and being angry at the Nobodies and Jiana and the world at large has allowed him to avoid looking that truth in the face. Ashton has always bounced between "I'll be the best broken thing I can be" and "what if I could be more? what if I could be what I could have been if things went well?" and also "who the fuck cares" and the reveal, that when the chips are down, he will make an ill-advised and self-destructive choice from that place of pain and anger has really rattled them. He can't keep just being angry and using that to shield himself from difficult questions. It won't just kill them, but it will hurt everyone around them too.
A really ugly truth of life is that even when something is completely not your fault and even when you have been dealt a rotten, unfair hand, often, you do have some degree of responsibility to deal with it ("And if it isn't my fault, I certainly didn't do anything to deal with it," as Ashton says.) The mere act of being angry is cathartic but doesn't actually solve anything. I think that's Keyleth's message to Orym, actually; it's not fair, and you're angry that it's not fair, but you need to use that anger to do things yourself instead of letting it consume you or passing the buck because it sure as hell isn't your turn. Ashton has, since the solstice, been playing tug of war with the idea that this anger has perhaps not been serving him, and he finally lost. Initially they realized a lot of this anger had been self-pity, but then, as they said, one week of thinking their parents actually were something led them to do the exact same dumb cult shit. Instead of stopping and listening to Evontra'vir and Allura, he said "no, I'm special, actually." And to be clear I think their motives were incredibly complicated and well-thought-out on Taliesin's part. It's not just because of his parents, it's not entirely selfish or out of heroics but those certainly did play a part, he did genuinely think it would help but he also ignored a number of warnings that it wouldn't. Again, I think the parallels between Ashton and FCG are glaringly obvious this episode, except Ashton hid their feelings with anger and FCG with a focus on everyone else's needs.
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You Can Start a Family (Chapter 2)
Summary: Movie night with the Rowland family shifts gears for the trio.
Thank you to everyone who read part one! I could not believe how many notes that received in just one day! If you haven't read it yet you can find chapter 1 here
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Tammy’s next two surgeries also went as planned and left her family breathing a sigh of relief. She spiked a post-op fever after the final surgery which extended her hospital stay by a few days, but once she became stable again, she was able to go home to finish recovering. She would be assessed to see if there were any more abnormal cells in her labs. If there were, she would likely begin a course of treatment but if not, she would be considered cured.
You had started to see Mitch and Sarah around more often. Once Tammy came home, they would all sit out on the front porch, since the fresh air made her feel better. Any time you were outside with Ryan you would pop over to say hi. You hadn’t met Mark and Tammy previously but were now very invested in her recovery. You would occasionally bring over more baked goods and sometimes a tray of food for their dinner. It had always been ingrained in you to help take care of the people around you.
You no longer fangirled when you saw Mitch and Sarah. After just a few quick conversations you were very comfortable with them, and they felt just like any of the other neighbors on the street. You actually felt closer to them than anyone else you had met in town. In the year you lived there you hadn’t had a lot of opportunities to meet people. Plus, the area you were in was home mostly to retirees. If you went to the center of town you were surrounded by the local college students who seemed so young. Even though Mitch and Sarah were a bit older than you and were pretty famous musicians, you felt like you got along with them quite well.
They felt the same way around you. Each time you stopped by they found themselves smiling, excited to talk to you and hear how your day has been going. They always invited you to stay for dinner when you brought them food, and after declining a couple of times you decided to take them up on the offer. While you didn’t eat with them all the time, you had been to their house on a few occasions over the past couple weeks. You enjoyed everyone’s company, and it was nice to have people to share a meal with again.
One evening about a month after first meeting Mitch and Sarah you were helping get dinner ready while Tammy and Mark were at a doctors appointment. Just as you were putting the last dish on the table they walked in the door. “I’m officially cancer free!” Tammy shouted immediately.
There was a second of processing time and the next thing you knew everyone was cheering and laughing out of pure relief. You found yourself hugging each member of the family. Each hug was fleeting, and after they ended you found yourself craving more. Aside from the occasional cuddle from baby Ryan, you rarely had any physical contact with anyone. Before that moment you hadn’t realized how starved you were for human affection.
You pushed that thought aside and focused on the conversation around you as everyone sat down for dinner. They all complimented you on the meal, as it was one you hadn’t made for them before.
“Thank you! It was always one of my favorites that my mom made. Took me a few tries to get it right, but I think I finally figured out all of the ingredients.” Sarah was watching you closely as you mentioned your mother and noticed how you once again spoke of your family in past tense. It had happened a couple of times, but Sarah had yet to ask any personal questions that would confirm her suspicions.
After dinner everyone moved into the living room to watch The Princess Bride since it was one of Tammy’s favorite movies. She and Mark sat on the loveseat and Sarah took the right end of the couch. You sat on the other cushion while Mitch set up the DVD player to start the movie. Once it was playing, he walked back to the couch, and you realized you were in the middle of the open space. You went to slide to the other edge, but Mitch sat there before you could move that way, pushing you to the middle between him and Sarah. It wasn’t exactly a large couch and you tried to make yourself as small as possible but that didn’t stop their limbs from occasionally brushing against yours.
Each point of contact sent a feeling of warmth through you that seemed to stay even after they moved away. You really thought you had gotten over your nervousness around the couple, but you were definitely feeling it again tonight. Shortly into the movie you started to think that this specific tension you were feeling had less to do with the fact that they were celebrities, and more to do with the fact that they were two people you found quite attractive.
It would be a lie to say you hadn’t formed slight crushes on both of them, even before you all had met. It was impossible not to, they’re incredibly talented and very easy on the eyes. You actively tried to squash out the crush now that they were real people in your life rather than individuals who just existed in videos on the internet. But in this moment, you simply couldn’t ignore the way they were making you feel.
Seeing you shiver, both from the feeling of Sarah’s thigh rubbing against yours and because you were legitimately a little cold, Mitch got up and grabbed a large blanket. He sat back down even closer than before in order to lay the blanket across the three of you.
In an effort to keep from freaking out about the now constant contact, you glance over at Mitch’s parents and realize Mark is very busy with something on his phone. A few minutes later the movie ends, and you immediately learn why.
Mark turns to his wife and says, “I’ve been texting with Susan and Jim. If you’re feeling up to it, they’d love for us to spend the weekend at the cabin with them. You could tell them the good news, and we can celebrate together.”
“I would absolutely love that! Thank you so much for coordinating this, dear,” Tammy replies and leans in to give her husband a kiss.
"And you're sure you feel up to it?"
"I can sit around the cabin resting just as well as I can sit around here resting. As long as you're not planning for us to hike a waterfall I'll be fine."
“Well if that's the case they'll pick us up tomorrow morning around 10.” “Oh gosh then we’d better pack and get to bed. It’s been too long since we’ve had a weekend away. And even longer since we’ve hung out with Sue and Jim. This is such a wonderful surprise.”
They walk over to the stairs and Tammy turns around saying, “Good night kids. Don’t stay up too late!”
“Mom, we're adults, I think we can handle a later bedtime on a Friday night.” Mitch replied with a smirk.
“I know, I know. A mother’s habits never go away. Y/N, feel free to stay over if it gets too late. These roads are terrible at night.”
You all finish saying good night and Mark and Tammy head upstairs. Mitch picks the remote up and starts playing Schitt’s Creek. You had seen it a couple of times before and it had quickly become one of your favorites. Upon learning that Mitch and Sarah hadn’t watched it yet you insisted that it be the next show they start.
The second episode of the night started playing and Sarah shifted next to you, putting her arm on the couch behind you. At first you thought she was just readjusting to be more comfortable, but a minute later you felt her fingers start to comb through your hair. You tensed at first but quickly relaxed, allowing yourself to enjoy the attention. After a few minutes of her fingers playing with the ends of your hair, she slid her hand to the left side of your head. You felt her put pressure on the side of your head, pushing you gently towards herself. Hoping you were guessing correctly, you leaned your head onto Sarah’s shoulder. She immediately placed her head gently on top of yours and began to scratch at your scalp. It felt heavenly and you practically melted at the attention.
Mitch was watching very carefully out of the corner of his eye to see your reactions to all of this. So far everything seemed to be accepted and welcomed. Mitch and Sarah shared a look communicating that it was time for the next test. You reacted positively to friendly touch, but what about something a little more intimate?
At the start of the next episode, Mitch slid his hand to rest on your knee as casually as he could. You again immediately tensed, first due to the surprise of the sudden contact, then because no one had ever touched you like that before, and finally because you realized this attention was coming from a married man. You had a brief moment of panic, wondering what he was doing. You looked down at your leg and realized it was a rather thin blanket, and you could easily see that his hand was resting on your knee. Which meant that Sarah could also see what was happening and chose that moment to place a soft kiss against the top of your head. It felt like a signal that everything was fine.
You once again relaxed, allowing yourself to simply be present in that moment and forced yourself not to overthink what was happening. Clearly Mitch and Sarah had some sort of agreement where this kind of physical touch with another person was okay.
You focused on the way Sarah’s head rested so gently on yours and on the shapes Mitch was drawing on your leg as he casually ran fingers back and forth. You knew this was all platonic, but you couldn’t stop the passing thought wondering what it would be like if his hand moved higher on your thigh. You tried not to think of that and instead got lost in the sensations once again.
You were no longer paying attention to the show, practically falling asleep as Mitch and Sarah lulled you into a mindset of peace, comfort, and safety. Suddenly the trumpets from the credits’ music jolted you awake, and you lifted your head off Sarah’s shoulder as Mitch’s hand slipped off of your leg. You looked at the clock on the wall and realized it had gotten quite late.
“I should probably be getting home,” you said, choosing to look at your own hands rather than at either of them yet.
“Like my mom said, you’re welcome to stay here. It's so dark on these streets and everyone drives like idiots.”
“Thanks, but if I don’t get home and feed the cats, they’ll poop on my pillow to teach me a lesson.” As much as you wanted to stay, you needed time alone to process whatever it was that just happened.
Sarah stood up from the couch first, grabbing the blanket to fold it and put it back in the basket.
As they walked you to the door Sarah asked, “Are you busy this weekend?”
“Aside from my normal weekend tasks of cleaning and going to the grocery store, my schedule is wide open.”
“Would you like to spend the weekend here with us? It’ll be pretty quiet with Tammy and Mark away,” Sarah continued. Mitch suspected what she was up to but kept his thoughts to himself for the time being, curious to see how you would respond.
After a brief pause you replied, “Yea, that sounds nice!”
“Great! Why don’t you come by around noon? We can start with lunch and see where the day takes us. Oh, and make sure to pack a bag, I’m thinking a slumber party could be quite fun.”
“Okay, but only if I get to braid Mitch’s hair,” you replied cheekily, causing Sarah to laugh and Mitch to roll his eyes with a hint of a small smile.
“Sounds like a plan,” Sarah states before pulling you in for a hug. Your arms wrap around her waist while hers tighten around your shoulders before she gently rubs your back. It was a longer hug than you were expecting, one that you had been craving since dinnertime. “Sleep well darling,” she says softly before giving a final squeeze and letting go. Mitch pulls you in next, holding you in a tight embrace that again goes on for longer than you expect. He places a kiss to the top of your head before saying a quiet “Get home safe.”
You blush and duck your head before glancing back up to say goodbye. You finally turn and walk to your car, your head full of confusing, but ultimately happy thoughts.
As they watch you leave, Mitch stands behind Sarah and wraps his arms around her waist. He leans down, pressing a kiss to her neck before leaning to her ear and saying in a low voice, “Are you plotting something?”
“You make me sound so devious Mitchell. I’m simply creating an opportunity for something to happen naturally.”
“And what exactly is this something that you hope will happen?”
“I guess we’ll have to wait until tomorrow to find out.” With that, Sarah turns around and pulls Mitch in for a deep kiss, breaking apart before they get too heated. After all, their room was directly next to his parents. That would simply have to wait until Tammy and Mark were out of town.
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A/N: Thank you for reading chapter 2! The next chapter should be out in a day or two.
I've seen other people do tag lists so readers can get notified when new chapters are out. Would anyone want that? LMK!
#sarah jones x mitch rowland x reader#mitch rowland x sarah jones x reader#mitch rowland x reader#sarah jones x reader#harry styles x reader#mitch rowland x harry styles
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HALESTORM's LZZY And AREJAY HALE Open Up About Mental Health
In a interview with Keen Eye 4 Concerts, HALESTORM frontwoman Lzzy Hale and her brother, HALESTORM drummer Arejay Hale, opened up about their personal experiences with a diverse array of mental health issues, such as depression and anxiety, and how music has helped them get through their hardest times. Arejay said in part (as transcribed by BLABBERMOUTH.NET): "My life greatly improved four years ago. Going through immense heartbreak and a terrible breakup with someone you thought was your forever person really makes you a songwriter. Immense heartbreak and tragic life things that happen really, really force you to turn to music to help you cope with it, help you to get through it. So I'm thankful that I went through all that because it made me figure out how to express my emotions in music and how much better it made me feel, how much it helped me get through it. So now that I'm at a place now where my life is more stable and I have an incredible partner, I've got an adorable little dog, I'm glad I was able to kind of bring those things that I learned to the table now and utilize them when I'm writing for either HALESTORM, [my side project] KEMIKALFIRE or myself. Yeah, I think that you can get to the point where you're more mentally balanced, but you can still keep on being creative and keep on bringing things to the table."
Lzzy, who co-founded HALESTORM in her teens and has become an advocate for women and mental health in recent years, said: "And I'm so glad to see [Arejay] happier. We've all seen each other in our lowest lows and our highest highs and helped each other work through them. Arejay has been immense in my ups and downs and healing.
"Something that I try to remind myself of, I think it's helpful to remember that we're on a seesaw," she continued. "There is immense darkness and immense light on either side and one cannot exist without the other. You can't be all one way; there has to be a balance of the two. So I think that for me, if you try to flip the rhetoric and say, 'Well, I'm very grateful for the low times, because those low times were integral in making me who I am. And I like who I am today.' If I had made the best decisions in the world, it would have led me somewhere completely different and I wouldn't appreciate the fact that I've overcome that.
"I think that we have this misconception that we have to be these perfect beings, and we're just not going to be that way, and we shouldn't be that way, because without us failing, falling on our face every single time and trying to move forward, we wouldn't find, we wouldn't recognize our strength," Lzzy added. "And in a selfish way, on a personal level, regardless of whether we're musicians, songwriters, rodeo clowns or strippers or whatever we wanna be, I think that it's important that nobody's expecting you to be perfect, 'cause nobody is. So if you are, in fact, flawed, which we all are… So let's just get that out there — we are all flawed. We are all imperfect. We all make terrible decisions. We all have darkness in us. We all get to the deepest depths and think that we're the most terrible person in the world. We all are there. But as we recognize that and overcome that, you're going to be getting so much more from people. We get so much more from our fans, from our family by admitting to all of that and by showing all of that, because anyone who is looking at you for inspiration or looking at you, especially with us, with that imposter syndrome situation, and if they're looking at you like it's somebody that they want to be, how cool is it that you can say, 'You know what? I'm just as fucked up as you are, and I'm still here.' And that says something."
HALESTORM is currently working on a new album with producer Dave Cobb after making three records with Nick Raskulinecz.
Lzzy and Arejay formed HALESTORM in 1998 while in middle school. Guitarist Joe Hottinger joined the group in 2003, followed by bassist Josh Smith in 2004.
Last May, HALESTORM teamed up with country singer Ashley McBryde for a reimagined version of the band's song "Terrible Things", which was originally featured on HALESTORM's latest album, 2022's "Back From The Dead".
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something’s missing?
The umbrella academy x f,platonic reader
warnings : female reader, TUA!sibling, swearing
i don’t know if this should be a series, i may decide after seeing if this one does good, it’s based after the first episode of the first season, if i messed anything up constructive criticism is welcome,hope you enjoy reading it, much love 🫶
Being the eighth child that Reginald Hargreeves adopted was never easy, especially with the gift that the young lady had, her gift was cloning herself which is super cool and fun but the downside was that she never aged, so currently she’s stuck in a fourteen year olds body with the mentally of an adult.
Saying that she never got to move out of the luxurious place she calls a home because no one would sell her an apartment, they always told her ‘your to young sweetie’ ‘ you don’t have a stable income’
she never pushes it.
So here she stands in her blue cargo jeans, complemented with a lavender purple long sleeved shirt, with her black high top converse, completed with her brown leather coat that reached just above her knees, her soft brown hair was in a half up half down style to show off her pierced ears filled with golden jewelry, this day she didn’t put in her contacts so she wore her glasses to complete her ‘funeral’ look.
She looks up from the book she’s reading as she heard the door open and close, she got up to get a closer look and as she did she saw her sister, well adopted sister, Vanya. She walked up to her and said “haven’t seen you in a while musician.”
Vanya looked at her and gave her a small smile “seems like we’ve all been busy, right?”
Y/n walked to her and gave her a small hug showing how much she missed the girl. “Crazy how the old man signed out, am i right” she said while chuckling. No use of crying over someone that was a shit person.
“ya it-“ before she could continue both the lady’s saw Allison.
“you came” allison said in basically a whisper because of how low she was speaking
“ya i did, i should probably go though, i don’t think anyone wants me here” Vanga had replied in the same tone, as she said that Diego walked by and said “you don’t belong here, not after what you did” as he began his walk up the stairs.
“Your seriously doing this today?” Allison replied
Diego didn’t reply but carried on his walk upstairs “ way to dress for the occasion by the way.” Allison scolded “At least i’m wearing black” Diego responded with
“i’m sorry he’s a grumpy little bitch.” y/n said to Vanya all she got back was a ghost of a smile
y/n left the hall as Vanya and Allison continued to talk. she walked back to the library to sit down and wait for the rest of her siblings
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eventually the rest of the siblings joined her, but the atmosphere was tense it was as if everyone had knives in their throats and if they spoke it would cut their necks open, slowly but surely, everyone was doing their own things, Diego looking out the window, Allison drinking something.
Luther was the first to break the silence “um… i guess you we should get this started. So i figured we could have a sort of memorial service in the courtyard at sundown say a few words, just at dad’s favorite spot.” after that Y/n decides to zone out not wanting to hear the oncoming agrument.
——————
it’s been a few minutes until Y/n decided to tune back in just as everyone started walking out, she joined not knowing why but went to her room. locking the door and ignoring the music that started playing coming from across the hall in Luther’s room.
After a few seconds there was a bright flash of blue light that filled her room she looked out the window looking at the courtyard seeing the blue looking portal thing, she rushed out her room to get there before anyone else, soon they all joined her.
The heavy wind was making all the leaves on the floor lift and move around the area as everyone stood dumbfounded and the blue light
“What is it!?” Vanya exclaimed
“Don’t get to close.” Allison replied like the mother she is
“yeah, no shit, looks like some temporal anomaly, either that or a miniature black hole. One of the two” Diego reported to Allison
Y/n looked at him as if he was stupid and replied “black holes are only in space dipshit, we are not in space, never have been never will be. excluding Luther of course.” Diego gave her a look as if he’d just been insulted.
Klause came running out with a fire extinguisher and put it on to blow towards the blue thing, nothing happens so then he threw it into the hole, the fire extinguisher just disappearing “what is that going to do?” Allison said to him
“i don’t know, do you have a better idea” Klause said while rasing his hands in a defensive way, just as he said that a face appeared in the middle of the hole, a familiar face as he was pushing himself out of the floating thing, he managed to do so but fell from said height and landed on his stomach.
“Is it just me or do you all see a mini Five?” as Klause said that, the suspected lifted his head looked at everyone and exclaimed “Shit.”
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we’re all inside now looking at Five with looks of curiosity. wondering where he’s been all this time, Five walks around getting stuff for his famous peanut butter and marshmallow sandwich.
“what’s the date? the exact date.” Five said while sighing
“the 24th” Vanya replied
“of what?” Five said slightly annoyed
“March”
“Good.” Five said
“So are we gonna talk about what just happened?” Luther said
Five remanded quiet after what was said, Y/n didn’t think this was going anywhere so she walked out to the library and looked at Fives portrait.
a little while later five walked in and stood next to her, giving Y/n a small shove and said “Now tell me why the hell your still so young?” Y/n giggled as he said that “my gift, apparently it has a downside.” Y/n replied, she looked up a little as she was a bit shorter than the boy standing next to her. “i’ve been this age for 16 years, just after you left. Been a bitch to buy my own apartment, or getting a job, but i won’t get wrinkles anytime soon” she laugh out, Five letting out a small chuckle with her. “why do you look so young?”
“i’m actually 58 but coming back i got stuck in my 13 year old selves body, kinda a shit deal, don’t you think?” Five responded to the question, while looking at Y/n he noticed how little she’s changed, sure she was a bit taller but other than that she still had her long brown hair and the same sense of style with her gold jewelry and her outfits have barely changed too.
Y/n looked at him and pulled him into a hug which he reciprocated and she whispered in his ear “ i’m glad your back Five, missed annoying you.” Five pulled back and gave her a smile “Glad to be back”
Y/n then walked around him to go back to her bedroom as Five watching her retreating figure, he wonders how much he’s missed out on by being away.
Five shortly leaves the library after Y/n 
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The Time Is Right
Proposal
Jaxon always talked with his mother and father on a three-way telephone call. As was their custom, they talked about how things were going for him. Before the call ends, Jaxon tells them he has an announcement to make. He planned to propose to Oleò and hoped to get their blessing and that of the Aku family, as well. Marion spoke first, telling him what he was planning was a big step considering all that was going on in his life and that he had to be sure before he assumed such a commitment. Sara, after a while, interjects, saying, Jaxon, you are young, and so is Oleò. I know how you feel about her, and she is a wonderful girl, but I wouldn’t be your mother if I didn’t tell you; it concerns me because neither of you has a lot of experience in the world and how challenging life can be. With that said, you also know that your father and I support you in all you do; this is no exception.
Jaxon tells them he appreciates their concerns and hasn't taken this ask lightly. I have spent many sleepless nights thinking about the pros and cons. Every time it comes back, I choose, Oleò. I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her. Haven't you asked her yet? Marion asks. No, not directly. I hoped to get your blessing before approaching her family with the proposal request. Marion said, son, you have made us as proud as any parents could expect to be, and if this is the path you wish to pursue, I think I speak for both of us; we support you, and you have our complete blessing in this and all that you do. Sara agrees, adding that you have become the young man we hoped for, and we raised you to think critically about everything and make your own decisions. We couldn't be happier for you. We are here if you need anything. Thanks, guys. You don't know how much I appreciate it and how relieved it is to know you support me. Love you guys.
Jaxon sees Dr. Aku and Élise enter the restaurant and waves for them to come over to the table where he is sitting. He greets them with a handshake and hugs then they all sit down. The conversation is light as they ask him about his music and work in the industry. The server comes to take their orders. While they wait, Jaxon says, I asked you to come here today because I want to propose to Oleò, but I want to discuss it with you and hopefully get your blessing.
As you know, Oleò and I have been together for quite some time. Our commitment to each other has never wavered. We have discussed what a life together would look like, and although we don’t have all the answers, I would like to build a life with her if she will have me. Dr. Aku said, my only daughter, Jaxon, this is my daughter you are asking to marry. Pausing, there are reasons I feel torn about the prospect of you marrying my child, but the main one is that she is my baby, and I am her father and sworn to protect her. I understand, sir. I do, he responded. I will ensure she is happy and feels safe with me as she does with you guys. I promise, sir, that I will do my best to love her, as I know you guys have done every day of her life.
To this point, Élise has been silently listening to Jaxon. She asks pointedly, how will you take care of her? How will either of you make a living? Marriage is more than I love you and having good feelings. He answers by acknowledging that a career as a musician is not the same or as stable as having 9-5 employment. I love music. That is undoubtedly my passion, and I put an extraordinary amount of time and energy into my craft. I am an adjunct professor at a college in the bay area to supplement my music income. In addition, I have established a publishing company to market and license my compositions, which I have had some success with already. We are currently negotiating with several record companies to record and promote my work. My parents and management team have been helping me figure out the music side of my life, but on the personal side Oleò and I will figure it out together.
Sitting back, Élise said to Jaxon, that's quite impressive. It sounds like you have a lot going on. Will you have time for her? Ms. Aku, she is the center of my world, and I can't imagine that changing. Besides being a life partner, her help as a sounding board and voice of reason over these past years has been invaluable to me. She has a brilliant mind, and I depend on her opinion all the time.
Look, I know you guys have reservations, and I hope I have impressed upon you how sincere I take making this ask. I don't have all the answers, but I would like an opportunity to walk through my life with Oleò, which is why I am seeking your family's blessing. Élise spoke. Jaxon, you have been as fine a young man as we could imagine for our daughter. We notice how respectful you are towards her and how happy she is with you. Please know that we don't doubt your commitment to Oleò. As parents, we naturally only want the best for her. Yes, ma'am, I do. Jean-Michel and I were about the same age when we were married, she said, looking over at him. Our parents had reservations and cautioned us just as we are doing with you, but we were determined. You will also have to be most determined because it will take all the effort you guys have to make it work for you.
Have you talked with her about this? Dr. Aku asked. We have yet to speak about specifics, and she did not know I would ask for your blessings. I wanted to talk with you, reassure you, and then go to her with my proposal. We appreciate you seeking our blessing, and by looking at my wife, I believe you have it. Élise nods her approval tearfully. I only wish her grandmother was still with us to see this day. Dame Simone passed on a little over a year ago. She always loved you, Jaxon. She always hoped that you two would stay together. Jaxon rises, saying thank you, Dr. Aku, and shaking his hand. Please call me Jean-Michel, he insists. Perhaps, after the wedding, Jaxon says, laughing. Moving around the table, he reaches to hug Élise. He also thanks her, and she tells him he has been so good for Oleò and wishes them luck. Walking with them to their car, Dr. Aku says, now you have to ask Oleò. Good luck with that. He says I know. I'll be putting my best foot forward; he says with a laugh.
Waiting for Oleò to de-plane and exit the terminal security area, Jaxon waits at the stairs. As a stream of passengers enters and exits the escalators, he sees her strolling through the terminal. Since the day they met, he thought of her as beautiful, but especially today. She is tall like her mother. Her green eyes, olive skin, and black hair are a sight that he always welcomes. Finally seeing him, she waves excitedly. Grabbing her bag with one hand and hugging her, he says, "Hello, Oleò, and she says, "Hello, Jaxon, " with an added kiss. The couple heads back to her parent's home, but they stop for dinner before that. They talk, catch up on recent goings-on, and hold hands, which seems to comfort them both. Oleò darling, I am so happy to see you. I never thought I’d miss anyone as much as I missed you these past months. Jaxon, I missed you too, my darling. Honestly, I had a few crying moments when the loneliness became too much. Hearing your voice saved my sanity more times than I can count.
As the hour gets late, he suggests it is time to take her home to rest and see her family. Jaxon elects to wait a few days before asking her to marry him. He wanted to allow her time to settle in at home first. He walks her to the apartment and steps in, only to say hello to her parents. A quick kiss goodnight, and he departs.
Her parents are happy to see her, and she is also glad to see them. Sitting at the end of their bed, they chat for another hour until the yawns overcome her. Dr. Aku asks, sweetheart how was your experience in New York? It was good. I learned a lot and met some really interesting people. The CEO offered me a position at their firm after graduation. Élise said, sweetie that is wonderful. I thought so too mother. I would consider it but only if Jaxon moves out there as well. I missed seeing him the whole summer which was nearly unbearable. Her father said, that is the thing about life, you never know how things will turn out sweetpea. Saying goodnight, a shower and sleep beckons, but before that, she texts Jaxon to make sure he made it home alright. He responds “I made it”, adding I love you and am glad you are home. She replies, love you more. Sleep well. I am sending hugs and kisses. Goodnight, sweetheart.
Oleò is, at heart, a low-key private person, and Jaxon knows this. A big flashy proposal moment is not the thing she would want. So, he thought they could go to an exhibit at the Nelson, and he would do it there with just the two of them. He plans with Oleò to go to the Vincent Van Gogh exhibition, which she loves. He picks her up, and they have lunch before heading to the gallery. Arriving, she tells him that the walk is welcome after a full lunch. They talk about art and their life together. Strolling through the exhibit, they detour to see one of her favorite works, a Renoir.
They sit straddling the bench, his arms around her from behind as they take it in for a moment. Oleò, you are all I ever wanted in this world. My happiness starts each day when I think of you. I promise I will always love you, protect you and keep you safe from harm to the best of my ability. Leaning back into him, she says, I know you will, Jaxon. I am yours today, always, and forever. Jaxon tells her, "I wish I had a better speech prepared but hear it goes anyway," “Oleò if you will have me, I will spend the rest of my life with you.” He produces a box from his pocket, opens it, and shows her the ring. He slips the ring onto her finger. Oleò looks at it, and a slight quiver crosses her lips. He holds her hand and asks, “will you marry me?” She is in tears now, and she nods yes, pulling him close and putting her arms around his neck. Yes, I will, I will marry you, my darling, a hundred times, yes. In the shadow of Renoir, they tightly embrace. He holds her as she trembles with happy tears. A world of adventure awaits that they will face together.
They call their families to announce that the engagement is official. Congratulations and cheers ring out from the telephones. Best wishes to the happy couple, Marion offered from L.A. He hopes to see them when they return to the west coast. Jaxon and Oleò stopped by to see his mother. Sara congratulated Oleò while Jaxon beamed with pride. If I can help you guys let me know. Thank you, Ms. Jackson. I will. They all hugged again, then the two head to her parents’ house. Arriving at Oleò's, Dr. Aku and Élise have champagne ready. They toasted the couple and wished them well. Her parents have never seen her so happy.
Jaxon said his goodbyes to her parents at the night's end as the couple walked to the door. Just outside, they stopped and looked at each other. "What a day, huh." "Yes indeed…what a day”, she smiled. I knew we would marry from the first day we met. Twirling the ring on her finger, he looks at her and says, “I am so happy, Oleò, and I hope you are too." Wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him close, Jaxon, I didn't know I could be this happy. I never imagined that anyone could make me feel like this. It's all because of you. The words I love you inadequately express how much I need you. Thank you for making the day so special for me. Everything was just right. I love you now, forever, and always. They kiss passionately, embrace tightly, and haltingly, he lets her go inside. He doesn’t remember the drive home because his mind is still with Oleò and all the future has in store for them both.
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Rintaro's Thoughts on Kobe Division
Ren Nakashima
“Oh shit, it's Ren. I know he said he was in this stupid fucking tournament but I guess it didn't hit me till now. What? Confused about how Japan’s hottest musician knows Japan’s most infamous terrorist? Well, his little brother Ryōhei is best friends with Akari.” Rintaro’s face turned serious. “He has my respect for raising his siblings while being a famous musician. Raising younger siblings by yourself is not easy. I should know I was the one who raised Akari as a baby up until the accident. Besides, he’s got something dark inside of him and I kinda wanna see what he’s got buried inside him.”
Max Soukoku
“Akihisa was the first of us to be sent to prison and he was alone up until I came along. Then Touya came the following year. He’s been a surprisingly stable support for us. What I’m getting at is that for a hitman the old man isn't a bad father figure. And Max? He sorely needs one. Akihisa is used to dealing with two unhinged sons what’s one more? Besides Max is one of us now and if I learned anything in prison is that sometimes you need someone to be there for you. Me? Personally, I think of Max as a kid brother. He’s a little feral but I wouldn't change it. Heck, even Akari even thinks of him as an older brother. Max keeps an eye out for her at school not that she needs it. She takes too much after me for that.” A sharp grin appears on Rintaro’s face. “You should see his face when we're speeding on my motorcycle. I can only compare it to a dog sticking his head out a car window. I know I’m not supposed to break any laws during my “parole” but what’s wrong with taking a little joyride if it makes him happy? Even If I have to occasionally race against that Ueno leader.”
Kaiji Sano
“Touya adores this guy. Two psychotic peas in a pod are what they are. He’s over all the time to see Touya. They dress up, do each other’s hair and their makeup stuff like that.” Rintaro sighs. “Our first meeting could've gone better tho. Akari got into a fight with his younger brother Nagisa. Apparently, it took their teachers Mizutori and Wakaba to break them apart. So then they called me down to the principal’s office to discuss her punishment. Akari had failed to mention to her teachers that she changed the number on her file to mine. So I also had to deal with a bunch of teachers nearly pissing their pants when they recognized me. Anyway, neither Akari nor Nagisa wanted to mention what started the fight or who threw the first punch. I’m pretty sure they both wanted to start another fight in the principal’s office. Then the principal had the audacity to say “what else can you expect from the siblings of a mass murderer and a tranny.” Next thing you know Kaiji and I are on the principal’s ass verbally ripping him apart. Man is lucky we didn't end him right there. I had to set a small fire after that. I guess it wasn't all in vain Akari is well I wouldn't say friends more like frenemies with Nagisa now. I’m pretty sure she’s dragging him into some of her crimes. As for me and Kaiji? We occasionally talk over a smoke when he visits. He ain’t too bad if you ask me even if we don't have much in common. I wish he would stop asking me to cosplay with him. My answer won't change.”
Lovesick
“I know we're supposed to be enemies and all but a part of me thinks it would be a shame to go against them. That being said this is probably one of the few divisions in this hell of a tournament I would have fun going against. I gotta say where did the name Lovesick come from? I guess we can't say much about names Death Row Block is a little too on the nose.”
#hypnosis microphone#hypnosis mic#hypmic#hypmic oc#hypnosis mic oc#katsushika division#death row block#rintaro himura#kobe division#lovesick#ren nakashima#max soukoku#kaiji sano
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And this is exactly why I adorable Gun and Jin, they have this bromance between them that no one can ever break apart. They are two halves of one while.
My baby boys! I love them so much.
I don't know what type of characters I'll have for the Bloodhounds fandom.. I'm trying to figure that out.
Why do I always torment myself like this every time.
My preference for ships are OC/Character and even Reader/Character. Not really Character/Character.
Everyone has their preferences.
But yeah.. I've seen only just a few stories on for BH on here and AO3. Like less than ten stories, but any stories I can find are just one shot. Not full stories.
These boys really do need more love.
Have you finally been introduced to Choi's friends? The two assassins. Like Hyeon's surrogate father.. I don't mean that literally. They aren't related. But the way their appearances are, they're basically twins in my eyes. So I'm happy that was mentioned though.
~
For Hometown Cha-Cha-Cha... I am only interested in Sangyi. Maybe I should find out the episodes he's in before watching, to see if it's worth watching.
But at least I have a couple shows for those actors, at least for right now. I'm only watching for them.
Between Do-hwan, Sangyi and Joong-ki.. I'm really finding what I can of these actors at the moment so I can enjoy them more. Preferably major roles, since I know they've had lots of cameo roles in their work.
~
Yeah. I don't know why I wasted my time asking the question. I end up using whoever I want for my face claims anyway. And besides.. Most celebrities really end up working throughout the entertainment jobs.
Especially Asian celebrities.
Many of them are actors, models and musicians. At least it seems they way. Miyavi, Exile Tribe and a lot of Japanese and Korean pop musicians too.
So it's not really that unusual to begin with.
Like the female (and sometimes male) celebrities I'll use for my own characters.. Majority are musicians.
~
Maybe. If they are police who do make any attempt, Daruma might either bribe them or fight them. That depends on the type of police they are. Like the cop Saiga, I thought he was going to be corrupt but was actually one of the good characters. Not the actor.
Yeah.. Like in Bloodhounds and High&Low for some examples. The antagonist wants to own the casinos to launder money but they can only have the casino is a foreigners only casino. Minus the corrupt elites.
Foreigners only casino are the casinos in Korea, not sure about the other Asian countries like Japan and China. But I have seen foreigners only casinos been mentioned a lot in Asian shows and movies though.
When the SWORD gangs have a better relationship with one another, and even the Amamiya brothers, I could see them helping Rude Boys with jobs if any of them are willing to take help from everyone else.. I don't want them to think they're being charitable a lot of the time. They're just trying to help them.
So we agree on that.
Takeru's the most serious as the eldest brother, but, at the same time.. he's also the one everyone is very comfortable around. And his a caring brother too.
Hiroto's serious in an intense way, definitely a really angry violent person in his younger years before his personality became more stable in the present time now. But is more serious than Masaki is though.
Masaki's the middle brother. I love every one of the brothers. But seriously though.. He's completely an unlucky man. He tries but fails to get a girlfriend on multiple occasions, his motorcycle was towed, even Hiroto doesn't respect him as the older brother a lot of the time but they do love each other though.
Everyone of these guys has amazing voices to me.
I would like to try involving the Amamiya brothers in my story. I don't know how yet. But they need some friends who they have things in common with since it would be nice that they had real friends besides a brother. I'm gonna have to try figuring this out.
Half the things you tell me, I've told you before.. You have to start remembering. Just try remembering.
Maybe I should keep bonking you on the head with a rolled newspapers until you can remember again.
But yes.. Rocky does enjoy his woman wearing a lot of different lingerie. And if that lingerie accentuates her body, I can see them having sex while she is still wearing the lingerie because of how large her chest is in that bra. Because of how shapely her body is.
But that is only sometimes though, since Rocky is a man who can appreciate his woman with or without clothes. Because this is Rocky we're talking about.
When it comes to his affections toward his parter.. I would say that it depends on the affections though.
That explains some things.
Like.. I know these are Rocky's businesses, and that Kizzy and Kaito are the founders (with Rocky) when they started these businesses. But no Kizzy. She's a worst person to run a business, any businesses, like Club Heaven. She's not responsible. Anyone but her is able to take care of Rocky's businesses. And even if they ask Kaito, Kizzy's more in charge than him in these situations. So they can't ask Kaito either.
~
Are you happy they officially announced the season two of Squid Games? New season is in November.
episode 4 down! and i’m sick of all my boys being beaten by metal poles in literally everything i watch! first cobra in the final mission, then reo’s character in the episode of informa i watched last night, then gun woo and woo jin immediately after informa. no more! leave my boys alone!
just met yang jung and du yeong last night! they’re cool! hate/love the achilles cutting scene. like hate because it’s one of my squicky gore things, just eughehghew yucky. love tho because that’s so cool, get his ass.
and to nobody’s surprise, i considered making an oc that yang jung’s daughter because ‘knife girl’ is one of my top fav oc tropes; except she wouldn’t be an assassin/knifer, i have other thoughts for her occupation. maybe.
~
i’m already watching do many shows so i’m trying to not add anything new until i get through some of this stuff ahsjdkdls
pretty people stay out of my eye-line, i’m trying to focus.
~
yea when i was looking at which asian countries gambling was illegal in, apparently korean citizens aren’t allowed to gamble at all iirc. so casinos are probably foreigners only for that reason. tho i dont know why you’d go to a ‘gambling is illegal’ country to … gamble??? that seems weird. i don’t get it.
takeru’s the cool, calm one that people feel comfortable around (unless they’ve pissed him off). hiroto is the serious, intense one (who’s a lil dense when it comes to flirting), and masaki’s the goof with bad luck (who’s also happens to be a badass in a fight). love them, excellent family dynamics.
i think i might end up making shizuka a worker at the bar, because i do wanna explore masaki and hiroto’s characters and it seems like the easiest way. plus it pads out shizuka’s character a bit more beyond just being ‘yui’s second-in-command’.
if it’s any consolation, i also do it real life with my actual real mouth. just saying shit i’ve already said. the brain in my head does not work.
kizzy can not be trusted with being in command. she’s gonna throw a wild party and blow all the money. and then she’s not going to clean up. she’s just having fun, not y’know. acting like the boss of a club. kaito’s chilling and letting kizzy have her fun, and kind of ignoring rocky/koo’s texts. he’s replying with random emojis. can’t tell them what kizzy’s doing because they’ll be mad.
~
it’s coming in november!??! hell yeah!!!!!!!! my boy’s coming back!!!!!!!!!! wi ha joon!!!!! and gong yoo!!! i’m excited to see the new cast of characters and find out what’s going to happen in the next season.
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Chaconne (Agatha Harkness x Reader)
Summary: You are an aspiring concert violinist who attends an audition for the Manhattan Symphony Orchestra, under the new direction of famous conductor Agatha Harkness
Word Count: 4.2K
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBNquKkKcF4
A/N: Hello! This is an AU fic heavily inspired by one of my favorite tv shows Mozart In The Jungle. This is going to be at least 3 more chapters, and I already have the second part done so it should be uploaded by the weekend. Also, I added a link to the piece that is heavily mentioned throughout this fic. It’s not necessary to listen to it before reading (or at all haha), I just thought I’d add it in for anyone curious :) Hope y’all enjoy! Please let me know what you think, and my inbox is always open for any questions. Also: I do not own Mozart In The Jungle...Jeff Bezos please do not sue me.
You rushed through the bustling streets of Manhattan, silently cursing yourself for not getting a cab. Not that it would’ve made much of a difference; rush hour in the city was horrendous no matter what form of transportation you chose. But at least you would have been sitting in an air conditioned car and not running through the crowded streets. You tightened your grip on your violin case as you hurried across the street, destination clear in your mind.
You had been finishing up your final private lesson of the day when you received a call from one of your old college friends. They informed you to drop everything you were doing, not literally because that would include your very expensive and very fragile violin, and hurry down to symphony hall because one of the first violinists in the Manhattan Symphony had sprained her wrist and they were holding open auditions.
A part of you knew the odds of being selected from hundreds of the best violinists in one of the most affluent cities for music was slim to none, but you also knew you had to take this chance. It’s what you had been working so hard towards during undergrad and grad school, and it would be nice to have a more...stable job. The Manhattan Symphony Orchestra was one of the greatest and well respected orchestras in the world, and you would kill to earn a chair.
You ran faster than you had in months, and made a mental note to add more cardio to your basically nonexistent workout regime because wow, you were out of shape. Rounding the corner, you quickly dodged running into other pedestrians and could see symphony hall a block away. Despite the burning in your lungs begging you to stop running like a mad woman, you picked up the pace and sprinted to the building.
Ever since you started playing the violin you swore to anyone who would listen that you would play in the Manhattan Symphony Orchestra. Your siblings would always ask for concert tickets to see their favorite band, or sporting tickets, but you always begged your parents to take you to the symphony. While your siblings hated it and complained how long and boring it was (and the outrage that they weren’t allowed to bring food inside), you were enraptured by the entire experience.
You fell in love with the sounds of Dvorak, Beethoven, Brahms, and Tchaikovsky. Sitting in the concert hall you waited in anticipation to watch the musicians who had spent their entire lives preparing for that moment; to pour every ounce of their soul into their instruments. Ever since the moment you stepped inside your first concert hall at the young age of five, you knew this is where you wanted to spend the rest of your life.
Shaking those thoughts aside you hurried through the building to where the blind auditions were being held. You silently thanked whatever genius came up with the idea of a blind audition, because you were a mess after running over twelve blocks from your apartment. Following the signs on the walls, you found the warm up room, but was surprised to find everyone packing up.
There were over a dozen people of various ages, and you noticed one of them crying. A woman around your age noticed your disheveled appearance and sighed. “If you’re here for the blind auditions, they were cancelled.”
You felt your heart drop. “What? Did they already find someone?”
“No, because the new conductor is a total psycho,” Someone else said angrily. “She kept yelling about how we’re all wasting her time and she’d rather have her pet rabbit play New World Symphony.” He motioned to the girl who was sobbing. “And she told Megan her tone was so bad that she would personally throw her violin into a wood chipper so no one would have to suffer through her performing again.”
The new conductor he was referring to was one of your favorites. Agatha Harkness. She was beloved throughout the music community and had many fans, but you had heard rumors of her hard work ethic and ability to make people cry in under a minute. You thought back to your undergrad violin lessons where one of your professors told you that your tone while playing Mendelssohn sounded like a dying donkey. Musicians were often times very blunt.
“That’s a bit harsh.”
“A bit?” The guy rolled his eyes. “This job isn’t worth it. I’m going to audition for the second violin chair in Iowa. It might not be as great of an orchestra but at least their conductor isn’t the devil incarnate.”
As the others continued to pack up, you still felt your gut twisting at what could have been. Feeling rejected, you left the room and saw the back entrance to the stage open. From a quick glance around it appeared the hallway was deserted, so you quickly ran through the door, violin case still in hand.
Time came to a stand still as you walked on stage and stared into the seemingly empty concert hall. You dreamt about this moment more times than you cared to admit. There was something so peaceful about being on stage. Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes and pictured a scene you had spent years dreaming about. Realizing the opportunity to play in this hall wouldn’t likely come again, you made the split decision to open your violin case.
Staring at your violin, you briefly wondered if this was a good idea. But, you silently argued that no one else was around, and besides, you did run half a mile to get here. It would be a waste to not play and appreciate the gorgeous acoustics. Plus you could feel your fingers aching to play something, anything, to let out the feelings of disappointment from missing the auditions.
Gently pulling out your bow, you applied a generous amount of rosin before grabbing your violin. You took a few minutes to tune, and the moment your bow hit the strings you felt a shiver at how the sound bounced off the walls. You went through a condensed version of your normal warm up and played a few different scales before debating on what piece to play.
Although your friend had briefly explained the audition would be sight reading and then playing excerpts from Dvorak’s New World Symphony, the auditions were over and you wanted to play something else. It wasn’t the flashiest piece, or one of the better known violin concertos, but it felt right. Vitali’s Chaconne arranged by Charlier. You had originally learned the gorgeous piece during your junior year of undergrad for a concerto competition and it had quickly become a favorite.
Clearing your mind of everything but the music, you closed your eyes and began to play. Your bow swept across the string, producing the opening g-minor chord. The melodic sound rang through the empty hall and you felt your heart ache at how good this felt. It had been a while since you had the time to play this piece, but it was like it had been no time at all. Your fingers danced across the strings and you felt all the uneasiness leave your body.
While this wasn’t the most complex piece you had ever played, it required your full attention. The chaconne was structured as a simple sixteen bar phrase that was rephrased and dallied up with different techniques and melodies which made it easy enough to memorize, but hard enough that you needed to focus on the pattern your fingers made.
With every movement of your bow, every run you made up and down the fingerboard, you were letting out the pain and sadness you felt radiating through your body. It was hard to put into words how playing the violin made you feel, but the best explanation you had come up with was that it was your salvation. There was no sweeter medicine than performing. No matter how out of control life was, how bad things got, your solution was turning to music. It saved you.
As you neared the end of the piece, you felt your bow arm gently ache and you knew you had to have complete focus if you were going to hit the upcoming octave slides that led to the double stops of doom. Octaves were never a violinist’s favorite technique, and they were your own personal kryptonite. You had rather tiny hands, which made the stretch from your index to your pinky rather difficult on a good day. You changed the position of your hand to make the reach to hit the upper octave, but briefly winced when you realized you had fallen flat on the lower note.
You ended with a flourish of your bow on the final g-minor chord and let out the breath you had been holding in. You stood there for a moment, soaking in the afterglow of your performance and enjoying the quiet that radiated throughout the spacious room. Just as you went to clean off your violin and leave before you got kicked out, you heard the sound of slow clapping from within the hall. The hall was dimmed and you saw a figure sitting far up in the upper rows. The mystery figure continued clapping and they stood up and walked down the steps towards the stage. There in all her glory stood Agatha Harkness, the newest conductor of the Manhattan Symphony Orchestra.
“Not bad, but your octave slides could use some touching up,” Agatha offered as she stood at the bottom of the stage. “You tend to go flat on the lower notes.”
You felt your breath hitch as you saw the famous, and apparently very scary, conductor staring at you. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize anyone was still here.”
“Ah so you aren’t here for the auditions?” Agatha questioned, arching an eyebrow up at you. “What are you doing here then, breaking and entering? I’d hate to have to call security on you.”
“What? No, no I’m not...” You stammered, feeling your cheeks turn red. “I came for the auditions but I was told they were cancelled.”
Agatha laughed, and you noticed how it was more of a cackle. “They were. But believe me dear, I’m sure you would have done the same if you were in my shoes.”
“One of them said you threatened to throw their violin in a wood chipper. Isn’t that a little mean?” You pointed out.
“You did not have to listen to that imbecile butcher the opening of Mendelssohn,” Agatha argued, folding her hands across her chest. “Throwing her violin in a wood chipper would be the least I could do to ensure no one else suffers hearing that disgrace of a sound ever again.”
You stifled a giggle that threatened to escape. “I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.”
Agatha waved her hand in the air. “Maybe. But you,” she pointed a finger at you, intrigue colored her features. “You were good. Vitali’s Chaconne is a personal favorite of mine. Everyone always chooses to play Tchaikovsky’s Violin Concerto in D Major, or Mendelssohn, or Brahms, or something big and flashy. I’ve always preferred a more subdued piece like Vitali. Violinists don’t take enough time to appreciate the beauty of a chaconne.”
You stared at her in disbelief. Almost no one had even heard of Vitali’s Chaconne, but she did and it was her favorite. “Thank you, Miss Harkness. I-“
“Ah ah ah,” Agatha waved a finger to silence you. “I’m not finished. You were good, but not great. Your octave slides were flat. Your bow hold is giving me a headache, you need to relax more. Your vibrato is too fast, we need to work on slowing it down. Didn’t your teacher ever tell you that? And don’t even get me started on your opening chord.” She eyed the younger woman before continuing. “But despite all that, you have promise.”
You were speechless. She wasn’t yelling at you? “You think I have promise?”
Agatha nodded. “Which is why I’m offering you a job.”
“I got the position?” You smiled. “I can’t believe it.”
Agatha’s eyebrows furrowed. “What? No, don’t be ridiculous. You’re not ready to play with the Manhattan Symphony.”
“But you said you were offering me a job,” you repeated the words of the older woman.
“And I am. As my personal assistant,” Agatha explained as if it was the most obvious answer.
“You want me to be your assistant?” You said in disbelief. “Miss Harkness I’m not so sure if I’m qualified-“
Agatha cut you off again. “If you’re serious about being a violinist, especially being a violinist in my orchestra, we need to work on your technique. Natural talent only gets you so far my dear.” She shrugged. “And I may have just fired my newest assistant for being entirely incompetent.”
“I don’t know what to say,” You admitted. This certainly isn’t how you expected your day to go.
���I’m not going to force you to work for me, dear,” Agatha drawled out. “You can walk right out that door and continue on with your presumably simple and boring life.”
“And if I stay?” You prompted, already knowing what you were going to choose.
Agatha slowly walked up the steps of the stage and approached you. “Well then I’ll have my work cut out for me. As will you, darling. I’ll be working you quite hard.” You blushed at her suggestive tone and she smirked at your reaction. “Blushing already? I’ve barely even started.”
You cleared you throat before nodding. “Alright. I’ll do it.”
“Then let’s get started.” Agatha smirked. “This is going to be fun. Now, let’s take it from the top.”
Working for Agatha was interesting. She was very hard to read, and you could never tell if she was mad at you or if she was just in a mood. You had spent the past few weeks helping her prepare for the first symphony rehearsal of the season. Granted you weren’t doing much to help, all she was asking you to do was make copies of parts and to organize folders for each section.
Today was different. You entered the mostly empty building with a drink holder containing two cups of coffee in one hand and your violin case in the other when the sound of Agatha’s heels came click-clacking down the hallway. From the moment she rounded the corner, you could tell she was in a foul mood.
She was mumbling something incoherent but she stopped when she spotted you. “You’re late.”
You chose to not comment on the fact you were an hour early and instead carefully set down your violin case to hand her one of the cups of coffee. “Bad morning?”
“Hayward is an asshole,” Agatha seethed. “I had the entire season planned out but he thinks I’m not appealing to our investors.”
Well that explained it. Tyler Hayward was CFO of the Manhattan Symphony Orchestra and was a Grade-A asshole. You only had a few interactions with the man but they had all been quite unpleasant. He was less than pleased to discover Agatha had fired the assistant he hired and chose to hire you without consulting him. Luckily Agatha had all but kicked him out of her office and told you to come to her if he gave you a hard time.
“How is Dvorak’s Symphony No. 9 not appealing to investors?” You asked in confusion. “Everyone loves The New World Symphony.”
“That’s not the problem. He thinks I’m playing it too safe with the soloists,” Agatha explained and you thought of the soloists selected thus far. You could see how they would be safe options, but who doesn’t love Joshua Bell?
“But it’s too late to get out of those contracts without losing money,” You pointed out. “Does Hayward not know that?”
“Oh believe me, Hayward always gets his way,” Agatha spat out, and you noticed she appeared to be growing angrier. “He’s still mad I was voted in as music director by the board instead of his choice for the position, so he’s punishing me. And now I have to deal with Maximoff.”
You made a mental note to address the first part about Hayward later when Agatha wasn’t as grumpy, but grinned at the mention of the famous pianist. “Maximoff as in the Wanda Maximoff? She’s-“
“A wild card and not the soloist I envisioned having,” Agatha finished for you, glaring at the mere thought of the woman as you both walked towards her office.
“But she’s an amazing pianist,” You argued, remembering the one time you had the opportunity to watch her perform live with the Royal Philharmonic. “The way she plays is beautiful, and magical, and-“
Agatha growled and glared at you, picking up the speed she was walking at. “And she has no control. She doesn’t listen to direction and thinks she’s always right. Her ego is her downfall.”
You arched an eyebrow. “Wow, that sounds absolutely nothing like you.”
Agatha let out a laugh but still sent you another glare. “Don’t push it, darling,” Agatha warned you as she unlocked the door to her office. “I am nothing like Wanda Maximoff.”
You rolled your eyes after she turned around. “Right. So I’ll take the Beethoven parts out to make room for Wanda’s piece?”
Agatha sighed and combed her fingers through her wildly curly hair. “Well I’d rather just tell the little Sokovian princess she’s not allowed anywhere near my orchestra. But since that would be frowned upon, yes put the Beethoven back. Her agent should be emailing us the parts later today.”
You set off to prepare the dreadful task of reorganizing each folder while Agatha studied different scores. She had her baton out and was mindlessly conducting as she went through the fourth movement of the Dvorak. Over the past few weeks you had started to fall in love with watching her conduct. There was something so mesmerizing by the way she could bring different pieces to life with the mere movement of her hands. You watched her right hand lightly grip the baton and noticed the position of her fingers lightly grasping the silver object while her blue eyes scanned the score.
She felt your staring and smirked as she continued conducting. “See something you like, dear?”
Blushing furiously you went back to your task of sorting music, but every once in a while you allowed yourself to take a break to watch Agatha conduct, and although she smirked whenever she noticed, she didn’t make any more comments. Eventually you finished the work and put the folders away while filing the Beethoven in the cabinet.
“Good, you’re done,” Agatha said as she stood up. “Now it’s time for my favorite part of the day.”
You internally groaned and realized what she wanted. “Where you make one of the interns cry and go get lunch?”
“Close, dear. But no.” She motioned to your violin case. “Come.”
This was your least favorite part of the day. Now, you were used to receiving constructive criticism, and even just good old fashioned criticism. Over the years you had less than kind violin teachers, and you shuddered at the memory of Stefan throwing a chair across the room when you only had three pages of Mendelssohn fully memorized two months before your recital preview. He kept yelling in Russian that he would not be the first faculty member to have a student fail a preview. Or the time Jacqueline caused you to have a panic attack right before your sophomore year concerto competition because she didn’t ‘like your stage presence’ and went on some insane rant, and then yelled at you more while you were sobbing. Ah, the fond memories you had of college.
But there was something so intensely nerve wracking about performing in front of Agatha that it made all of those encounters seem like fun and games. You weren’t sure what it was about the woman, but there was just something about her presence that constantly had you on edge. What made it ten times worse was that Agatha seemed to be aware of the effect she had on you, and did whatever she could to make you blush.
You took a few moments to tune your violin and roll your shoulders back while Agatha made herself comfortable in the audience, but you both knew she wouldn’t stay out there for long.
“Now darling,” Agatha called out from her seat. “I want you to remember what we’ve been working on. The first impression you set when your bow hits the string needs to be dominating. I want to feel like you’re pinning me down on the stage. Make me want it.”
You stared at her incredulously and shook your head, trying not to visualize what she just said to you. “Right...pinning...dominating,” You murmured as you straightened your stance and took a deep breath. Setting your bow on the string, you made sure it was positioned at the frog.
“I can see you tensing from all the way out here,” Agatha said in a mocking tone. “Do I need to come up there and help you relax?”
You knew her coming anywhere near you would do the opposite to relax you. “Nope. Just stay where you are!”
“Oh, are you the one giving orders now, my dear?” Agatha teased as she slowly got out of her seat and made her way towards the stage. “I’m just trying to help. You need to relax your shoulders, otherwise you’re going to end up with a hunchback.”
“I like the Hunchback of Notre Dame,” You offered weakly as you watched her stalk her way up the stairs, her heels clicking up each step.
Agatha rolled her eyes. “Of course you do.” She closed the distance between you and put her hands on your shoulders. “You need to relax.” She examined you closer and arched an eyebrow. “And breathe, my dear. Unless you want to fall in my arms.” You had taken to staring at the floor of the stage until you felt her hand gently cup your chin, forcing you to gaze at her. “Am I that hideous to look at that?”
“Ha, you’re so funny,” You managed to get out before taking a deep breath, and once again tried to relax your shoulders.
Despite your best efforts, you still felt tense, and Agatha noticed it as well. Letting out a gentle huff she moved behind you and began to rub your upper back. “Jeez, have you ever had a massage? It seems like you need one.”
“That’s a bit above my current pay check,” You quipped and blushed when you heard her responding chuckle.
“If you’re asking for a raise, you’re going to have to do better than that,” Agatha replied, her breath tickling your ear and sending delightful shivers down your spine. “You need to let go, darling. This much tension in your shoulders will do too much damage to your posture.”
She hit a particularly hard knot and you couldn’t help but moan at the sensation. You thought you heard Agatha mumble something under her breath but you were so lost in the sensation you didn’t ask her what she said. Agatha continued rubbing your shoulders and you slowly felt yourself relax into her touch.
“That’s it,” Agatha murmured. “Good girl.” Your eyes shot open at the praise and you heard her lightly chuckle. “Relax, dear. I could do this all day.”
Your shoulders eventually loosened up and you couldn’t help but groan when Agatha took a step away from you. “Quit your whining and play that chord,” Agatha demanded as she turned away from you, clapping her hands loudly. “I want to be wowed.”
Taking a deep breath, you fixed your stance before setting your bow back on the string. You were hesitating, and Agatha knew it too.
“Any day now. It’s not like I have anything else to do,” Agatha’s words were sharp but you knew she meant it as encouragement.
You let go of any fears you had of what would come next as you positioned your fingers on the string and rolled your bow to produce the g-minor chord. Your left wrist was loose enough to slow down your vibrato and you went through the first section without any interruptions from Agatha. As you began the next phrase you remembered what Agatha had told you about making it bigger and better than before.
“Always leave them wanting more,” Agatha had instructed her. “Make each phrase slightly different. No one wants to suffer through ten minutes of the same few notes.”
You added more vibrato for this phrase and changed the dynamics so you were growing in sound until you heard her calling for you to stop.
“Stop! Stop, that’s enough,” Agatha yelled as she walked back towards you. “That was...better.”
“Dare I say you sound surprised?” You joked causing her to glare at you.
“Fishing for compliments, are we?” She questioned, but eventually relented. “You’re getting better.”
You grinned wildly at her praise. “That was the nicest thing you’ve said to me so far today.”
“Keeping score?” Agatha mused, a smile threatening to tug at her lips at your enthusiasm. “Like I said, you’re getting better, but there’s a lot of work to do. I want to hear those octave slides and not feel like my ears are bleeding from your intonation. Chop chop.”
#agatha harkness x reader#agatha harkness imagine#agatha wandavision#wandavision#agnes x reader#agatha harkness x you#marvel au#wandavision au#orchestra au#Agatha Harkness
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On tvN’s You Quiz on the Block, SUGA told stories from before his debut. The period of his life when he struggled with how to live off his music. SUGA and BTS have kept going and going for eight years, and now he’s on their grounds, where he can do anything he wants musically. What began with that long journey is the story of SUGA holding his head up higher and staring at the future, reaching for it.
How are you feeling after your shoulder surgery? You’re doing physical therapy in parallel with work.
SUGA: I’m all right. I’m keeping up with the physical therapy, too. I had surgery last year because I wanted to be able to go back to work sooner. I have nothing else to do except music.
You said that there’s nothing for you to do other than music in the “BE-hind Story” interview on YouTube, too.
SUGA: It’s true. I tried gaming, but I have no talent for it. The people I play with online get so frustrated if I do. I mean, I’m working hard and got some recognition in my life, and yet people bash me so hard in games. (laughs)
I wonder if there’s a game you can do better in than you do in your career. You’re currently at your sixth week at number one on the Billboard Hot 100 [with “Butter, at the time of this interview]. (laughs) How are you feeling these days?
SUGA: When we were at number one for two weeks straight, I was like, Wow, this is so amazing! But after the fifth or sixth week, we really started to talk about it between ourselves: I really can’t believe this. Anyway, I feel like I have a responsibility. And I think I’ll end up thinking much, much more when we get ready for the next promotion. Even if I just try to enjoy this situation, it hasn’t sunk in. We can’t leave the country, plus there’s lots of issues in the world right now that are much more important than how well we perform on the charts.
As you say, it’s a tough situation, all over the world. How do you feel about releasing “Permission to Dance,” with its positive message, at this point in time?
SUGA: It seems like everyone around the world is really tired of this situation dragging out. I wanted to convey a message that tells people to keep hanging on to hope until the very end. Whereas we released the album BE in this situation, seemingly without any certainty, I believe things will slowly get better now. I don’t know if we can go back to the way things were before, but I’m still working with the hope that we can return to a situation that resembles what we had before.
Aren’t you tired of the pandemic being in this prolonged state?
SUGA: I look at it as, when you lose one thing, you gain another. I ended up being able to see my family more since I’m in Korea. In that sense, I feel more stable, so I’m not so much tired as hoping each day that things will become okay soon. I keep moving back and forth between work and home, and I’ve started to reflect on parts of myself I didn’t know about before. Like that I feel somewhat comfortable when I start and finish work at a certain time. While I used to have to go to bed at a certain time for work the next day or else I had a hard time getting up early, now I know I’ve figured out what time I should wake up at to make sure I feel good all day. What I pursue in life is emotional stability, and I don’t think there’s really anything too exciting or sad happening these days.
What effect do those emotions have when you work on music?
SUGA: They don’t have a big effect on it. I think it affects the way I write lyrics a bit, but I’m not working on any lyrics at the moment. I’ve been making music for a long time, so I think it’s possible for me to express emotions I’m not feeling in the moment. And it’s good that we released “Permission to Dance” in this kind of situation.
You sing rather than rap in “Permission to Dance.” In addition to rapping, you started singing more both before and after BE. What did you learn about your voice?
SUGA: “Permission to Dance” was a little bit difficult. I don’t draw a line between singing and rapping or anything, but it was different from our usual style, and the vocals were a bit high, too. So even though it took a while to prepare for it, I worked hard, and even when I asked some older musicians for their opinions, they all said, “It’s good the way you’re doing it. Don’t try to sing better—just sing more.” I think my only option is to sing more, like they suggested.
As far as style goes, you’ve been doing a smoother kind of pop music. Did any differences arise as a result of these changes?
SUGA: All things considered, the English was the hardest part. I paid close attention to my pronunciation in “Butter” and “Permission to Dance.” It wasn’t easy to capture that smooth feeling in the songs, so I practiced my pronunciation quite a bit. And I end up breathing a lot when I’m doing an English song, but the rap parts were a bit hard for that reason. There’s a clear difference from Korean songs, since English has so many syllables. But I don’t have any one method I stick with for my vocals yet, so I tend to try lots of different things out.
What do you make of BTS’s achievements over the past year with “Permission to Dance” and “Butter,” as well as the group’s change in style? In the space of a year, you’ve released songs in a style different from MAP OF THE SOUL: 7 or BE.
SUGA: As a producer, I think reactions are important to an artist who works within the field of popular music. With that in mind, speaking as a producer, “Dynamite,” “Butter” and “Permission to Dance” were the best choices. And musical tastes are different from country to country, and the cultures are different, too. Given that situation, I think it’s important that we’re a group who can send such a universal message out into the world.
BTS has really grown and changed a lot, starting with “No More Dream” and all the way to “Permission to Dance.”
SUGA: I think it’s a natural course of event for those of us who make pop music. Artists mix and match different genres as they grow, and the music develops as the people of its time listen to it. I’ve been listening to a ton of music lately, and thanks to the times we live in, if I listen to a song a few times, they recommend me more songs in a similar style. And after listening to them, I realized the style of hip hop is also changing and is splitting off into different offshoots. Other than hip hop, I also listen to a lot of instrumental music. I’ve always liked Hans Zimmer’s music. There have been many times where a movie I like turns out to have music by Hans Zimmer.
What is it about Hans Zimmer’s music that draws you in?
SUGA: I like orchestral music. There’s a lot of pop songs that are under the three-minute mark now, and whereas it’s sort of predetermined that they’re always written with intros that are four bars long, orchestral music can do a lot within its framework.
But, as can be seen in IU’s song “eight,” which you both produced and featured on, you broke out of pop music’s typical composition style and tried out a highly condensed progression. The composition of the chorus is very straightforward.
SUGA: Yes. I insisted that the flow be roughly cut in half from that of a typical song, and I expect more pop music will be like that in the future. And maybe even shorter as time goes on. I mean, these days there’s songs that are under two minutes, even.
Regardless, I felt the chorus in “eight” is extremely dramatic with its structure and the melody of the chorus. I thought it was rather grand in scale as well. Would you say that you’re attempting to mix your tastes and things you want to do into the structure of pop music?
SUGA: As you know, I love hip hop, so when I was first making music I thought it had to be hip hop no matter what and that I had to take pride in my own ideas and not accept any compromise. But while getting some experience at the forefront of pop music, I figured out that you can keep being stubborn or inflexible because there are people listening to you. There was a time I made music without any listeners before I became a member of BTS. But if someone were to ask if I stopped being stubborn about the music I’m making these days, the answer’s no. As I grew up and became an adult, I came to realize that I have to negotiate between what I want to do and the kind of music the public wants without compromising anything. When I give up on something I wanted to do, I ask myself, What will I get out of this? And conversely, when I want to do something, I ask myself, What can I get out of this? That’s how I keep my balance to make it to where I am now.
You have no choice but to think about those things when you work on other artists’ songs, especially when you’re a producer.
SUGA: I’m BTS’s SUGA, and I’m Agust D, and when I’m producing, I go by “by SUGA.” But when it comes to by SUGA, I make perfectly commercial music. I’m the producer for those songs, sure, but the owner is someone else, you know? In that case, they’re commissioning my work. But they wouldn’t think about just leaving it all with SUGA. The artist’s label has to think carefully about whether to commission me for producing and consider my situation, too, and those people must be hoping for something commercial. That’s the most important part of working with outside people. Actually, that kind of work isn’t much of a benefit to me, to be honest. Oh, he can write this kind of song, too. That’s all. The more valuable thing I can get from it is the recognition and records the artist or the company will get with the song instead.
As you noted in your previous Weverse Magazine interview, when you discussed your “interest in the music industry in the US,” you seem to constantly think about the things artists can do within the framework of the music industry.
SUGA: I don’t know. It’s just that I’ve become more certain since the pandemic started that I’m the kind of person who always has to be doing music. That much I know for sure, so I want to keep on making good music. And the pop music market is something that came about because there were people listening, and there’s a long history to the US music market, and it possesses the most influential charts in the whole word. So then I thought, Wouldn’t they have gone through all the same things that we have? And really, whenever I talk to other pop stars, the situation is always similar. The US is also more realistic about commercial results than any other country. I wanted an accurate picture of how those people work. Right now, Korean pop music’s spread is in full swing and we need more good artists to keep popping up. From a producer’s standpoint, if that’s going to happen, I think the key is how well we can mix our music and the characteristics of overseas music industries overall.
How did it feel to be in the lineup for the Grammy Awards, one of the icons of the US music industry?
SUGA: The feeling was less immediate because we couldn’t be there in person, and it wasn’t a huge distinction, but the performance made me think, This is different, because it’s the Grammys. What changed my view from the first time I went to an American music awards ceremony was, the first time I went, I was really scared of the world’s biggest music market. But when I look back now, I don’t think I had any reason to feel that intimidated. To be honest, I have only now begun to enjoy the awards ceremonies; I wasn’t able to then.
It’s no exaggeration to say that you’ve achieved most of the things that you can as an artist in the music industry. What steps do you think are necessary for the artists who follow after BTS?
SUGA: The way artists work seems so difficult. They make an appearance on a different music show every day once the promotional period begins, meaning the exhaustion artists face is enormous, and that fatigue often results in injuries as it adds up. That kind of music show is for promotional purposes, so it’s not like the artists can earn a proper income from them. On top of that, despite all the promoting, there’s no visible outcome, so they inevitably lose morale. If possible, it’d be nice to have one of the performances be really high-quality, even if it’s just the one, but in this environment I’d say that’s pretty difficult. And since our job doesn’t fit the common conception of work, there’s ambiguous boundaries when it comes to issues of legal protection as well. We need a lot of improvements to be made to the industry and its system.
They demand a lot of things as collateral for success, yet success is extremely difficult to attain.
SUGA: The great thing about the label I’m with is they listen to the artists’ opinions. I think both we and the label know to a certain degree what kinds of activities would be best commercially speaking. But the question is whether the body can endure it or not. If the fatigue builds up as you continuously do those promotional activities, it’s hard to do them the way you did when you first debuted. In that case, I think the label ought to actively accommodate the artist’s views about what they can and cannot do. An attitude that’s just like, Oh, we made you kids, and as long as you just do what we tell you to it’ll all work out, so just do it—I think that really doesn’t make any sense. Of course, there could still be situations where the label has to be pushy like that, obviously. But I heard there’s been times where a label will just say, Do it, without any explanation to the artist, or, Why are you talking so much? I think that’s the biggest issue and it’s destroying the industry. If you just see the artist as a product, how can they do anything creative? I really think it’s very contradictory to ask the people on stage to put on an enjoyable performance when they’re experiencing neither fun nor enjoyment.
That reminds me of the music video for “Daechwita” somehow. You appear onscreen as both a rebel character and a king, looking as different as your situation when you first debuted with BTS and your situation now.
SUGA: There was a lot I wanted to do in “Daechwita,” not just musically but also visually, and a lot of ideas came to me as I came to reflect on who I am as a person while working on the music video. It naturally occurred to me to separate SUGA, by SUGA and Agust D. The character I played in that video who wasn’t the king was a stranger. It takes place during the Joseon era, but then there’s cars and guns, which of course don’t belong in that era. I think we’ve been living our lives that way. Right from our debut, a portion of the hip hop lovers criticized us by saying, They’re idols. But at the same time, we heard things like, They’re not idols. I didn’t know which drumbeat to march to, so I think that’s why each of our albums took a different direction than people were expecting. But I don’t think I can call myself a stranger in this situation anymore. So these days my main goal is to keep going with BTS for a long time. Having a huge audience show up at our concerts is nice, but I think the goal for all of us is to make sure the group can keep making music even as we get older. I think right now we’re thinking a lot about how we can have fun and be happy on stage.
What do you mean when you say fun and happy music?
SUGA: I think people are happier the busier I am, so lately I’ve been thinking that I need to focus a little more. I figure we should do as much as we can for ARMY since they feel happy watching us. We’ll continue to try our best, so I hope they believe in BTS and keep their eyes on us.
So that’s why you do music.
SUGA: This is the only thing I know how to really do. Other than music and BTS, there’s nothing special about me when I look at this 28-year-old Min Yoongi. That’s why I want to keep doing this.
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“I’ve seen religion from Jesus to Paul” I always thought that line wasn’t about John worshipping Paul, but about other people worshipping Paul. I mean, John is criticising religion in this song, he’s criticising worship. He didn’t believe in Jesus, so “from Jesus to Paul” doesn’t seem like it’s supposed to be about himself and his religions imo. I always thought it was about beatlemania and how people worship Paul like a god when in reality he’s just as flawed as any of us. It’d fit with John being mad at Paul.
I might be wrong of course! I never thought about it as John saying he worshipped Paul, so my point of view isn’t really well thought out or anything. It’s just what goes through my head when I listen to the song. I hope you don’t think I disagree with you or anything 🥺 I just love discussing mclennon
No, I think you’re right, but I also believe it’s more complicated than that.
I found something, and I find it really interesting:
“In this angry and bitter song Lennon attacks a number of falsehoods such as the idolatry of the Beatles and how he is the focus for many of those involved in the peace movement.” [x]
It’s incredibly curious how John went with using only Paul’s name, if that’s what this song is supposed to be about. If it’s supposed to be about the whole band itself, why only use Paul’s name in it? Why be so direct as that? We know why—
“The lyrics are some of Lennon’s most vitriolic, taking shots at religion, his parents, drugs, and even his former songwriting partner (“I seen religion from Jesus to Paul”). It presents a clear perspective on the past, a theme he would revisit on the Imagine album’s ‘Oh My Love’ the following year.” [x]
Now that make’s better sense, since I don’t believe this was taking a shot directly at The Beatles and the period of idolatry (Beatlemania), but taking direct shots at Paul.
It’s hypocritical for him to basically claim people were worshipping Paul like some God or religion, when John was being no better in basically being quite obsessive about the man. The opposite of love isn’t hate, but indifference.
And again, if this song is supposed to be about criticizing the worship and idolatry of The Beatles, why is he only directly referencing Paul McCartney?
Doesn’t add up.
To me this song is not only for John to “air out” his supposed grievances, and emotions/feelings towards Paul, but to be petty, and lash out at his ex-partner.
This song screams scorned lover to me, someone who’s clearly hurt, deeply hurt, and is lashing out and using music to convey how he feels. I don’t agree that it presents a clear perspective on the past, because it’s John in the 70s and we all must acknowledge that 70s John is not at all a reliable narrator, and often contradicted himself in interviews and double backed on what he’d say about the past, and what he had to say or feel about Paul. It’s his perspective, that’s true, but more-so a skewed perspective on not only the past, but of his feelings at the time and heat of the moment, towards Paul.
John was probably not only envious (To John, Paul is stable, he’s put together, and John recognized and acknowledged that Paul was extraordinarily talented and could very well succeed without him), but hurt that Paul, it seemed, didn’t need him to get along. A fear that most likely rooted and became a nagging insecurity, after Paul unleashed Yesterday in 1965, and then came the questions of whether Paul would leave The Beatles (John) and start a solo career.
It’s obvious that the band broke up because of what was going on between John and Paul, their falling out due to John’s growing lack of involvement due to his use of heroin, which made him unapproachable and testy, his unhealthy escapism into Yoko and her influence/presence. In the end, it’s no real surprise that Paul left. John resented it, even if it was his fault, his doing and behavior that left Paul with no other choice then to abandon ship.
So, Paul left him, and was planning on going solo, and launching his own band in the next year.
Now let me point something out put on your tinfoil hats let’s see if I don’t lose any of you here lol—
Now that I showed you what I been through
Don't take nobody's word what you can do
There ain't no Jesus gonna come from the sky
Now that I found out I know I can cry
I, I found out
I, I found out
Okay, so I’m reading the two lyrics “There ain’t no Jesus gonna come from the sky,” and “Now that I found out I know I can cry,” as connected. While yes John didn’t seem to believe in Jesus, he was still spiritual. Now, take those two lyrics, of some messiah not going to come and how the realization of it, of the fact this religion or ‘God’ isn’t going to come down and save you— and finding this out, of course you’re going to cry.
What you believed was going to somehow save you, save you from the miseries of life and save you from yourself, wasn’t actually going to come, or happen, that can really break person who was relying on such faith.
I seen through junkies, I been through it all
I've seen religion from Jesus to Paul
Don't let them fool you with dope and cocaine
No one harm you feel your own pain
I, I found out
I, I found this out
I, I found out
Now, I do agree that John is knocking religion and idolatry worship, but also taking shots at Paul.
But I just think John’s outing himself here, because, okay look. John’s seen through junkies— John was a junkie when writing this, let’s be real. He can say he isn’t fooled by them, but he clearly is— he was fooling himself.
So let’s just go with John is apparently attacking The Beatles here— we all know John loved The Beatles, and had just as much faith and passion for it as Paul did. He put all his eggs in that theoretical basket.
And throughout the height of The Beatles, who were the two always together? Who had plans about sticking together and growing old together still making music? Who two had ideas to write a musical together, one day?
John and Paul were John and Paul, and both believed it was always going to be that way. They’d mentioned running off to Scotland to escape a potential draft, Paul had said that after The Beatles he and John would still continue making music together, that as they got older they’d even make music for other, younger musicians to play. It was ALWAYS John and Paul, like, always.
So imagine you have all this faith in someone, all this love, you see them as a stable structure in your life, someone who rarely let’s you down, who’s ALWAYS going to be there for you, who has shared so many intimate experiences with, who knows you and has seen you without your armor on, seen the good the bad and the ugly and still wants to be with you, who you’ve shared similar, vivid dreams with, who would experience misery and fear with you (the LSD trip), who seemingly shares a secret and unspoken language with you— only for all of it, to fall flat, for it to go horribly wrong, for them to (unintentionally) reject you, to hurt you and leave you feeling abandoned and alone. That perhaps they don’t love you in the way you’d come to the realization that you wanted them too.
For you to realize, or feel, like they can’t save you, that they can’t fix you. Because, like you said, Paul isn’t perfect, he doesn’t always have it together, he wasn’t as stable as John believed him to be naturally— Paul’s just as flawed as any of us. He was struggling too, and simply couldn’t always meet John’s sometimes unrealistic expectations and desires.
I think in some way, The Beatles, and thus Paul, were somewhat of a religion to John. He believed in them unlike anything else. Even if partially satirical, the comment of them becoming Bigger than Jesus, I think that in itself is worship (even if that’s unintentional, or perhaps a Freudian slip) of what they all created together— what John and Paul created together. That they could become more popular than Jesus Christ himself, and the religions he’s attached too.
So I honestly believe John was just telling on himself throughout this song. How John wrote his songs, they were personal, they had something to do with him, how he felt and perceived things, his desires and fears— even when attacking or criticizing someone, or something else.
Cor I could be 100% completely wrong in my interpretation and analysis, and I’m just a biased McLennoner who needs to shaddup.
Now a side tangent real quick because I found this and I have something to say:
“This song includes the line: "The freaks on the phone won't leave me alone, so don't give me that brother, brother." Lennon explained the lyric to the January edition of Rolling Stone. He said: "I'm sick of all these aggressive hippies or whatever they are, the "Now Generation," being very up-tight with me. Either on the street or anywhere, or on the phone, demanding my attention, as if I owed them something." [x]
In 1969 he and Yoko did that performative, elitist Bed In For Peace for two whole bloody weeks. Not to mention spreading all that “War is over if you want it to be,” sloganeering. Of course they (the hippie Now Generation) expected something from him, he’d been playing political activist with Yoko for attention, and he got it. So for him to be bitching about suddenly being looked too as some leading figure for these movements, I think is pretty telling.
Like how it mentioned up there, that John had an issue being part of the main focus for those in the ‘Peace movement’, I think it’s funny, or at most annoying, how people claim John was some hippie or commie when, I think it was clear, he didn’t want anything to do with those individuals or whatever they were selling (I mean John was materialistic and a capitalist, all the boys were) John wasn’t political, he wasn’t very interested in all that, and like with most things, his fascination and interest in it faded quickly and he became bored and disillusioned by the ideologies and political figures, and dropped them.
I’m not saying John didn’t care, like anyone he had opinions and thoughts, feelings on subjects— he wasn’t seriously into politics. He wasn’t a political leader, he didn’t want to become a political figure or martyr, he wasn’t a radical of any sorts, and had admitted later on about being embarrassed about who he was during the Imagine period of his life, and regretted a lot of what he’d said or done.
Anyway... I know this was supposed to be about dissecting the lyrical and personal(mclennon) meaning too “I’ve seen religion from Jesus to Paul,” but it really is all over the place. Sorry about that.
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SUGA: “This is the only thing I know how to really do”
On tvN’s You Quiz on the Block, SUGA told stories from before his debut. The period of his life when he struggled with how to live off his music. SUGA and BTS have kept going and going for eight years, and now he’s on their grounds, where he can do anything he wants musically. What began with that long journey is the story of SUGA holding his head up higher and staring at the future, reaching for it.
How are you feeling after your shoulder surgery? You’re doing physical therapy in parallel with work.
SUGA: I’m all right. I’m keeping up with the physical therapy, too. I had surgery last year because I wanted to be able to go back to work sooner. I have nothing else to do except music.
You said that there’s nothing for you to do other than music in the “BE-hind Story” interview on YouTube, too.
SUGA: It’s true. I tried gaming, but I have no talent for it. The people I play with online get so frustrated if I do. I mean, I’m working hard and got some recognition in my life, and yet people bash me so hard in games. (laughs)
I wonder if there’s a game you can do better in than you do in your career. You’re currently at your sixth week at number one on the Billboard Hot 100 [with “Butter, at the time of this interview]. (laughs) How are you feeling these days?
SUGA: When we were at number one for two weeks straight, I was like, Wow, this is so amazing! But after the fifth or sixth week, we really started to talk about it between ourselves: I really can’t believe this. Anyway, I feel like I have a responsibility. And I think I’ll end up thinking much, much more when we get ready for the next promotion. Even if I just try to enjoy this situation, it hasn’t sunk in. We can’t leave the country, plus there’s lots of issues in the world right now that are much more important than how well we perform on the charts.
As you say, it’s a tough situation, all over the world. How do you feel about releasing “Permission to Dance,” with its positive message, at this point in time?
SUGA: It seems like everyone around the world is really tired of this situation dragging out. I wanted to convey a message that tells people to keep hanging on to hope until the very end. Whereas we released the album BE in this situation, seemingly without any certainty, I believe things will slowly get better now. I don’t know if we can go back to the way things were before, but I’m still working with the hope that we can return to a situation that resembles what we had before.
Aren’t you tired of the pandemic being in this prolonged state?
SUGA: I look at it as, when you lose one thing, you gain another. I ended up being able to see my family more since I’m in Korea. In that sense, I feel more stable, so I’m not so much tired as hoping each day that things will become okay soon. I keep moving back and forth between work and home, and I’ve started to reflect on parts of myself I didn’t know about before. Like that I feel somewhat comfortable when I start and finish work at a certain time. While I used to have to go to bed at a certain time for work the next day or else I had a hard time getting up early, now I know I’ve figured out what time I should wake up at to make sure I feel good all day. What I pursue in life is emotional stability, and I don’t think there’s really anything too exciting or sad happening these days.
What effect do those emotions have when you work on music?
SUGA: They don’t have a big effect on it. I think it affects the way I write lyrics a bit, but I’m not working on any lyrics at the moment. I’ve been making music for a long time, so I think it’s possible for me to express emotions I’m not feeling in the moment. And it’s good that we released “Permission to Dance” in this kind of situation.
You sing rather than rap in “Permission to Dance.” In addition to rapping, you started singing more both before and after BE. What did you learn about your voice?
SUGA: “Permission to Dance” was a little bit difficult. I don’t draw a line between singing and rapping or anything, but it was different from our usual style, and the vocals were a bit high, too. So even though it took a while to prepare for it, I worked hard, and even when I asked some older musicians for their opinions, they all said, “It’s good the way you’re doing it. Don’t try to sing better—just sing more.” I think my only option is to sing more, like they suggested.
As far as style goes, you’ve been doing a smoother kind of pop music. Did any differences arise as a result of these changes?
SUGA: All things considered, the English was the hardest part. I paid close attention to my pronunciation in “Butter” and “Permission to Dance.” It wasn’t easy to capture that smooth feeling in the songs, so I practiced my pronunciation quite a bit. And I end up breathing a lot when I’m doing an English song, but the rap parts were a bit hard for that reason. There’s a clear difference from Korean songs, since English has so many syllables. But I don’t have any one method I stick with for my vocals yet, so I tend to try lots of different things out.
What do you make of BTS’s achievements over the past year with “Permission to Dance” and “Butter,” as well as the group’s change in style? In the space of a year, you’ve released songs in a style different from MAP OF THE SOUL: 7 or BE.
SUGA: As a producer, I think reactions are important to an artist who works within the field of popular music. With that in mind, speaking as a producer, “Dynamite,” “Butter” and “Permission to Dance” were the best choices. And musical tastes are different from country to country, and the cultures are different, too. Given that situation, I think it’s important that we’re a group who can send such a universal message out into the world.
BTS has really grown and changed a lot, starting with “No More Dream” and all the way to “Permission to Dance.”
SUGA: I think it’s a natural course of event for those of us who make pop music. Artists mix and match different genres as they grow, and the music develops as the people of its time listen to it. I’ve been listening to a ton of music lately, and thanks to the times we live in, if I listen to a song a few times, they recommend me more songs in a similar style. And after listening to them, I realized the style of hip hop is also changing and is splitting off into different offshoots. Other than hip hop, I also listen to a lot of instrumental music. I’ve always liked Hans Zimmer’s music. There have been many times where a movie I like turns out to have music by Hans Zimmer.
What is it about Hans Zimmer’s music that draws you in?
SUGA: I like orchestral music. There’s a lot of pop songs that are under the three-minute mark now, and whereas it’s sort of predetermined that they’re always written with intros that are four bars long, orchestral music can do a lot within its framework.
But, as can be seen in IU’s song “eight,” which you both produced and featured on, you broke out of pop music’s typical composition style and tried out a highly condensed progression. The composition of the chorus is very straightforward.
SUGA: Yes. I insisted that the flow be roughly cut in half from that of a typical song, and I expect more pop music will be like that in the future. And maybe even shorter as time goes on. I mean, these days there’s songs that are under two minutes, even.
Regardless, I felt the chorus in “eight” is extremely dramatic with its structure and the melody of the chorus. I thought it was rather grand in scale as well. Would you say that you’re attempting to mix your tastes and things you want to do into the structure of pop music?
SUGA: As you know, I love hip hop, so when I was first making music I thought it had to be hip hop no matter what and that I had to take pride in my own ideas and not accept any compromise. But while getting some experience at the forefront of pop music, I figured out that you can keep being stubborn or inflexible because there are people listening to you. There was a time I made music without any listeners before I became a member of BTS. But if someone were to ask if I stopped being stubborn about the music I’m making these days, the answer’s no. As I grew up and became an adult, I came to realize that I have to negotiate between what I want to do and the kind of music the public wants without compromising anything. When I give up on something I wanted to do, I ask myself, What will I get out of this? And conversely, when I want to do something, I ask myself, What can I get out of this? That’s how I keep my balance to make it to where I am now.
You have no choice but to think about those things when you work on other artists’ songs, especially when you’re a producer.
SUGA: I’m BTS’s SUGA, and I’m Agust D, and when I’m producing, I go by “by SUGA.” But when it comes to by SUGA, I make perfectly commercial music. I’m the producer for those songs, sure, but the owner is someone else, you know? In that case, they’re commissioning my work. But they wouldn’t think about just leaving it all with SUGA. The artist’s label has to think carefully about whether to commission me for producing and consider my situation, too, and those people must be hoping for something commercial. That’s the most important part of working with outside people. Actually, that kind of work isn’t much of a benefit to me, to be honest. Oh, he can write this kind of song, too. That’s all. The more valuable thing I can get from it is the recognition and records the artist or the company will get with the song instead.
As you noted in your previous Weverse Magazine interview, when you discussed your “interest in the music industry in the US,” you seem to constantly think about the things artists can do within the framework of the music industry.
SUGA: I don’t know. It’s just that I’ve become more certain since the pandemic started that I’m the kind of person who always has to be doing music. That much I know for sure, so I want to keep on making good music. And the pop music market is something that came about because there were people listening, and there’s a long history to the US music market, and it possesses the most influential charts in the whole word. So then I thought, Wouldn’t they have gone through all the same things that we have? And really, whenever I talk to other pop stars, the situation is always similar. The US is also more realistic about commercial results than any other country. I wanted an accurate picture of how those people work. Right now, Korean pop music’s spread is in full swing and we need more good artists to keep popping up. From a producer’s standpoint, if that’s going to happen, I think the key is how well we can mix our music and the characteristics of overseas music industries overall.
How did it feel to be in the lineup for the Grammy Awards, one of the icons of the US music industry?
SUGA: The feeling was less immediate because we couldn’t be there in person, and it wasn’t a huge distinction, but the performance made me think, This is different, because it’s the Grammys. What changed my view from the first time I went to an American music awards ceremony was, the first time I went, I was really scared of the world’s biggest music market. But when I look back now, I don’t think I had any reason to feel that intimidated. To be honest, I have only now begun to enjoy the awards ceremonies; I wasn’t able to then.
It’s no exaggeration to say that you’ve achieved most of the things that you can as an artist in the music industry. What steps do you think are necessary for the artists who follow after BTS?
SUGA: The way artists work seems so difficult. They make an appearance on a different music show every day once the promotional period begins, meaning the exhaustion artists face is enormous, and that fatigue often results in injuries as it adds up. That kind of music show is for promotional purposes, so it’s not like the artists can earn a proper income from them. On top of that, despite all the promoting, there’s no visible outcome, so they inevitably lose morale. If possible, it’d be nice to have one of the performances be really high-quality, even if it’s just the one, but in this environment I’d say that’s pretty difficult. And since our job doesn’t fit the common conception of work, there’s ambiguous boundaries when it comes to issues of legal protection as well. We need a lot of improvements to be made to the industry and its system.
They demand a lot of things as collateral for success, yet success is extremely difficult to attain.
SUGA: The great thing about the label I’m with is they listen to the artists’ opinions. I think both we and the label know to a certain degree what kinds of activities would be best commercially speaking. But the question is whether the body can endure it or not. If the fatigue builds up as you continuously do those promotional activities, it’s hard to do them the way you did when you first debuted. In that case, I think the label ought to actively accommodate the artist’s views about what they can and cannot do. An attitude that’s just like, Oh, we made you kids, and as long as you just do what we tell you to it’ll all work out, so just do it—I think that really doesn’t make any sense. Of course, there could still be situations where the label has to be pushy like that, obviously. But I heard there’s been times where a label will just say, Do it, without any explanation to the artist, or, Why are you talking so much? I think that’s the biggest issue and it’s destroying the industry. If you just see the artist as a product, how can they do anything creative? I really think it’s very contradictory to ask the people on stage to put on an enjoyable performance when they’re experiencing neither fun nor enjoyment.
That reminds me of the music video for “Daechwita” somehow. You appear onscreen as both a rebel character and a king, looking as different as your situation when you first debuted with BTS and your situation now.
SUGA: There was a lot I wanted to do in “Daechwita,” not just musically but also visually, and a lot of ideas came to me as I came to reflect on who I am as a person while working on the music video. It naturally occurred to me to separate SUGA, by SUGA and Agust D. The character I played in that video who wasn’t the king was a stranger. It takes place during the Joseon era, but then there’s cars and guns, which of course don’t belong in that era. I think we’ve been living our lives that way. Right from our debut, a portion of the hip hop lovers criticized us by saying, They’re idols. But at the same time, we heard things like, They’re not idols. I didn’t know which drumbeat to march to, so I think that’s why each of our albums took a different direction than people were expecting. But I don’t think I can call myself a stranger in this situation anymore. So these days my main goal is to keep going with BTS for a long time. Having a huge audience show up at our concerts is nice, but I think the goal for all of us is to make sure the group can keep making music even as we get older. I think right now we’re thinking a lot about how we can have fun and be happy on stage.
What do you mean when you say fun and happy music?
SUGA: I think people are happier the busier I am, so lately I’ve been thinking that I need to focus a little more. I figure we should do as much as we can for ARMY since they feel happy watching us. We’ll continue to try our best, so I hope they believe in BTS and keep their eyes on us.
So that’s why you do music.
SUGA: This is the only thing I know how to really do. Other than music and BTS, there’s nothing special about me when I look at this 28-year-old Min Yoongi. That’s why I want to keep doing this.
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ROUGH ROAD TO TOP
August 16, 1953
(1)
One of the more famous CBS-TV shows is “I Love Lucy.”
Its two chief characters - Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz - have had a rocky road to their present status as one of the top comedy teams in the country.
At the end of Lucille's first year in dramatic school she was told by her teachers that she was wasting her time and money, that she would never become an actress. She was fired from all four of her first jobs as a chorus girl. Later, as a model, she almost lost her life in an automobile accident and was told she would never walk again.
Revolution Factor
It was a revolution in Cuba and a mishap in World War II which were fateful turns in Arnaz’ trip to stardom. The Cuban revolution destroyed his family’s wealth, drove them to the United States. World War II got him a broken kneecap in basic training, and since he had been a professional entertainer, he was placed in limited service and assigned to entertain hospitalized G.I.s'.
Columbia Pictures gave Lucille a contract as a stock player, and, convinced that her luck finally had turned, she sent for mother, grandfather, and sister to join her in California. But, the morning after she wired her family, the studio decided to dissolve its stock company. When the family arrived, Lucille was working as an extra at Paramount.
Bit parts and extra roles in a number of pictures kept Lucille busy, but not prosperous, until she was cast in ’"Roberta.” RKO officials, impressed by her work, gave her a contract. When not busy before the cameras, she was a mainstay of the studio's Little Theater. (2)
Offered Stage Lead
Her performance in the second lead in “The Girl from Paris" (3) drew Broadway's attention to Miss Ball and she was offered a lead in the musical "Hey Diddle Diddle.” After satisfying her yen to perform on the Great White Way (4), she returned to Hollywood for "Stage Door” and “Too Many Girls.” In the latter picture, she was costarred with Desi Arnaz. They were married Nov. 30 1940 in Greenwich, Conn.
Back from her honeymoon, Lucille walked into her first really big break a role in "The Big Street,” based on a story by Damon Runyon (5). Overnight it made her a star.
Her first assignment at M.G.M. in 1942 was the title role in the Technicolor production "Du Barry Was a Lady” (6). Stellar roles followed in "Best Foot Forward” and "Meet the People" (7). After completing "Easy to Wed” with Van Johnson (8), she headed for New York to be with her husband, then out of the army and on his way to success in the orchestra business.
Starred on Tour
Shortly after completing "Her Husband’s Affairs,” (9) Miss Ball went on tour as star of Elmer Rice's play "Dream Girl” (10) then worked with Sonny Tufts and Victor Mature in "Interference” for R.K.O. (11)
Lucille, Desi, arid their year-old daughter Lucy Desiree, live at Desilu, their five-acre ranch at Chatsworth, Calif. They raise cattle, chickens, dogs, and cats and dabble in farming. Enthusiastic fishermen they spend a lot of time on their boat.
Desiderio Alberto Arnaz y de Acha was born in Santiago, Cuba, son of the mayor. Desi’s mother, Dolores de Acha, was considered among the 10 most beautiful women In Latin America.
Three ranches totaling 100,000 acres, a palatial home in the city, a private island in Santiago Bay, speedboats, a fleet of motor cars, and a racing stable were all at the command of the youthful Desi during the pre-revolutionary days. His father, after eight years as mayor of Santiago, was made a member of the Cuban congress In 1932.
On Aug. 12, 1933, came the revolution. Congress was dissolved. Its members jailed. The Arnaz property was confiscated, the homes burned to the ground. In 24 hours everything was gone except $500 Desi's mother had hidden. Desi and mother fled to Miami, devoted the next six months to efforts to free Papa Arnaz. from prison. They were finally reunited in Florida.
For Desi, life in these United States for several years was hard but interesting: he worked at truck driving, train yard checking, taxi driving, bookkeeping, and, of all things, bird cage cleaning. Desi’s father managed to launch an importing business. It went broke when a shipment of fruit spoiled in transit.
Show business at this point finally caught up with Desi. His first job was playing guitar and singing with a seven-piece rhumba band at Miami’s Roney-Plaza Hotel (12). Xavier Cugat (13) spotted him, was impressed with this Cuban boy who was to be dubbed "The Tempo” by critics of modem music. After a year as featured vocalist with the Cugat band, Desi organized his own group of musicians and moved into the swank La Conga Café in Miami (14).
George Abbott's Broadway hit "Too Many Girls” (15) was Desi’s next step up the ladder, in 1939. He played a Cuban football player, one of the leads, and played tropical drums. RKO bought the film rights and signed Desi to play his stage role. When the shooting was over Desi married the leading lady, Lucille Ball.
He spent from Feb. 1943 to Nov. 1945 in the Army, after which he toured the nation with his band playing theaters, dances, night clubs. He hasn’t been without a band since. In 1948, Desi made the Columbia film "Holiday in Havana.” (16)
He made a vaudeville tour with Lucille Ball and that convinced them they’d do well as a husband-and-wife team on television. The tour inspired the CBS-TV show “I Love Lucy,” which has been highly rated since it started. (17)
Desi Arnaz’s personality is as vibrant as the music he makes. He is friendly, direct in manner, has flashing dark brown eyes and brown hair. He’s an avid fisherman, rides and swims expertly: his tennis is the envy of his San Fernando Valley neighbors, Sue and Alan Ladd, Francis Lederer, Jackie Oakie, and the Andrews Sisters. (18) A good cook, he specializes in such tempting dishes as Ginger Beef and Bouillabaisse.
# # #
FOOTNOTES FROM THE FUTURE
(1) The photo is from “Be a Pal” (ILL S1;E2) aired on October 22, 1951, nearly two years earlier. There’s one thing missing from this file photo: Vivian Vance. The success of the show was its foursome, not threesome! If you look closely you can see the hands of the other poker players, Richard Reeves (Hank, left) and Tony Michaels (Charlie, right).
(2) Lucille did several plays at the RKO Little Theatre under the direction of Lela Rogers (above), Ginger’s mom. When Lucille later bought RKO, she dubbed it the Desilu Playhouse, a training ground for new young performers, often hand selected by Ball herself.
(3) “That Girl from Paris” (not “The” as the article states) was Lucille’s 33rd film. The light-hearted musical romance earned an Oscar nomination for Sound Recording. It was released on the first day of 1937.
(4) Lucille was indeed cast in the Broadway-bound comedy (it was not a musical, however) “Hey Diddle Diddle!” It opened in Princeton, New Jersey, the first of several out-of-town stops on the way to Broadway. What Lucille’s publicity omits is that the show never got further than Washington DC due to the serious illness of its leading man, Conway Tearle. So Lucy’s Broadway debut would have to wait - until 1960!
(5) “The Big Street” opened on September 4, 1942. It was based on a Damon Runyan short story about a night club singer (Lucille) embittered by an accident that left her in a wheelchair and her romance with a naïve admirer (Henry Fonda) named Pinks. Lucy later said it was her favorite of the many films she made. It was her 55th film.
(6) “Du Barry Was A Lady” premiered in August 1943. It was Lucille’s 57th film, but her first for MGM. She nabbed the role from her friend Ethel Merman, who had done the Cole Porter musical comedy on Broadway. It was filmed in color, and was the film that earned her the nickname “Technicolor Tessie” because of her bright orange hair - a color she committed to from then on, despite her roots! This is the film that introduced Lucy to the song “Friendship”, which she would also sing on “I Love Lucy.”
(7) In the musical comedy “Best Foot Forward” (1943) Lucille Ball played herself. It was her 58th film. “Meet The People” (1944) was a romantic comedy for MGM, Ball’s 60th film.
(8) In 1946 she released her 63rd film, “Easy To Wed” co-starring Van Johnson and Esther Williams. Lucille and Van had appeared together in “Too Many Girls” and he would appear on Lucy’s television shows.
(9) “Her Husband’s Affairs” (1947) was a romantic farce with Lucy teamed with Franchot Tone. It was her 69th film.
(10) Back to the stage, Lucille accepted the leading role in a revival tour of “Dream Girl” a fantasy comedy by Elmer Rice. Once again, the play launched in Princeton, but this time Broadway was not the goal. It had already played the Great White Way two years earlier. The play toured the country at select cities, landing Lucille back in California in late 1947. In one SoCal gig she was appearing simultaneously with Desi and his band just a few blocks away. No doubt this was by design.
(11) RKO’s “Interference” was re-named “Easy Living” (1949) and dealt with the world of professional sports, namely football. It co-starred Victor Mature and Sonny Tufts. It was Ball’s 71st film.
(12) The luxurious Roney Plaza Hotel in Miami Beach was located on the corner of Collins Avenue and 23rd Street. It opened in 1925 and was demolished in 1968. The resort attracted a who's who that included Hollywood stars and even the Duke and Duchess of Windsor. The hotel's Bamboo Room & Restaurant was the place to be seen on the Beach for decades.
(13) Xaviar Cugat (1900-1990) was a Spanish musician and bandleader who spent his formative years in Havana, Cuba. A trained violinist and arranger, he was a leading figure in the spread of Latin music. In New York City he was the leader of the resident orchestra at the Waldorf–Astoria before and after World War II. He was a mentor and friend to Desi Arnaz, who kept his name before the public by making him a rival of Ricky Ricardo on “I Love Lucy” where his name became a punchline. In reality, Desi was grateful to Cugat, not jealous of him!
“I learned a lot from Xavier Cugat” ~ Desi Arnaz
(14) La Conga Café was located in New York City, not Miami, although the article may be referring to a different, lesser known establishment where Desi Arnaz performed. He became a regular headliner at La Conga, even issuing a record titled “La Conga” in 1939.
(15) Speaking of 1939 New York, Desi appeared in his only Broadway show in 1939, Rogers and Hart’s “Too Many Girls.” When the film rights were purchased by RKO, Desi was hired by director George Abbott to recreate his role. It was while filming this movie that he met Lucille Ball.
(16) “Holiday in Havana” was a Columbia picture released in October 1949. The film is about a Cuban hotel busboy (Arnaz) who dreams of becoming a composer. His love interest was not Lucy, but Mary Hatcher.
(17) The Tour incorporated some of the same routines seen in the “I Love Lucy” pilot as well as early episodes of the series, most notably the “Cuban Pete / Sally Sweet” duet. The tour culminated at the Roxy in New York City, where Desi was playing when he married Lucille in 1940.
(18) Before moving to their Beverly Hills mansion, Lucy and Desi lived on a ranch in Chatsworth in San Fernando Valley. They dubbed their ranch home Desilu. About their neighbors:
Alan Ladd (1913-64) was a chorus boy when Lucille was an Earl Carroll showgirl in Murder at the Vanities (1934). He was married to Sue Carol (1906-82) from 1942 until his death. Carol’s name was mentioned on “I Love Lucy” in “The Fashion Show” when Lucy selects the same Don Loper original that Carol has chosen to wear in the fashion show. She does not appear on screen.
Francis Lederer (1899-2000) was a Hungarian-born actor. In 1960 he did an episode of Desilu’s “The Untouchables”. From 1941 until his death he was married to Marion Irvine.
Jackie Oakie (1903-78) did four films with Lucille Ball between 1934 and 1938, including both “Annabell” movies.
The Andrews Sisters were the pre-eliminant close-harmony girl group of their time. The consisted of Patty, Maxine, and LaVerne. They were mentioned on “I Love Lucy” in “Be a Pal” in the same scene that the photo at the top of the article came from. In 1969, Patty Andrews guest-starred as herself on “Here’s Lucy”. Lucy and Lucie played the other two Andrews sisters.
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Marshmallow
Dream come true
Book: The Royal Romance AU
Word count: 1559
Pairing: Drake x Hana
Disclaimer: All characters belong to pixelberry.
Rating: Mature
Warning: None.
A/N: I am participating in @flashfictionfridayofficial prompt "dipped in silver" appearing in bold.
For the story till now: Catch up here
LeoOlivia stand in front of me beaming at each other and I keep giving confused looks to both of them.
I don’t realise my mouth is gaping in surprise till Livy speaks. “Chin up Drake or you may drool your whiskey.”
“Since when?” I fumble over my words. “You… you never said anything.”
“You never asked.” She replies calmly.
“When did this happen?”
“When you were busy being a doting commoner to the court and running away from me.”
Leo laughs at her comment and adds, “You could have done better as her best friend Drakey.”
“My apologies to the Duchess.”
Olivia swats me on my arm. A royal guard approaches Leo, “The king is asking for you, sir.”
“Excuse me, dearies.” Leo places a kiss on Livy’s cheek and walks away with the guard. I watch Livy gazing at his retrieving figure.
“So, why now?” I ask her.
“Huh?”
“I understand that you have been meeting in secret, till now.”
“Leo didn’t want to create any more problems for Liam. He stayed at Lythikos, maintaining a low profile and preferred we wait till the social season gets over.”
“Why did you plan it today, on the coronation ball?”
“You may say I wanted the right waltz partner today.” She gives a carefree smirk.
“I am really sorry. I was not there for you.”
“Its fine. I guess that was how we were supposed to find our paths.” She then says, her eyes pointing at Hana. “How are things between you?”
“She is leaving for Shanghai tomorrow. Her parents want her back.”
“And you plan to just sit and watch her go?”
I shrug my shoulders. “Not much that I can do amongst the powerful nobles. I promised her, we will find a solution but I don’t have a clue.”
“In the end she will leave heartbroken from here.” There is hurt in her eyes.
“ Why do you say that?”
“Why do you you do that?” she questions me instead.
“What?”
Livy shakes her head, “Nothing. Go enjoy the time you are left with, with her.” She leaves me alone and I keep staring at her back, thinking about what she meant.
The musicians start playing the Cordonian waltz, and the eager one pair up twirling around on the dance floor. There are many smiling faces, Liam and Riley, Olivia with Leo, happy in each other’s arms. I watch them moving swiftly across when a gentle tap on my shoulder distracts me.
“Hana?” I turn to find her behind me.
“Dance with me?”
“You know I can’t.” I shy away.
“Follow my steps. You have tried once. Remember?” she insists.
“How can I forget? That was the best birthday I had.” The sweet memories of the autumn night, bring a smile on my face.
“Shh. Don’t. Someone doesn’t like to talk about birthdays.” She teases me.
I laugh at her sarcasm, as she pulls me to the dance floor. I follow her steps and pick up the pattern of movements, in few steps.
“See, that was easy.” Hana whispers, her hand in mine and her body flush with mine. I am going to miss her voice, her smell, her touch. The thought upsets me.
“Hana, what am I going to do without you.”
“Liam will need you around a lot with his new role as a king.” She tries to reason.
“I am a vet, not a royal advisor, that he would need me.”
“It’s not always about your qualifications. It’s about who you are as a person to him. You are his best friend, his confidante, his pillar of strength in his difficult times. You are that commoner who keeps him grounded amongst the high headed royals.”
“And who will keep me sane in the throng of these high headed nobles?”
“Don’t make it more difficult for me, please. You know how much I want to be with you. You will have all of them, Liam, Max, Riley. I am going to be all alone back home.”
“Then stay back. Don’t go.” I try to convince in vain.
“You know I can’t stay. Liam has promised us he will find a solution. When we are away, maybe we will be able to find a way through.”
I let out a sigh in defeat. “You are stronger than I had thought. But I am scared. Scared that I will lose you. Just like…”
She places her finger on my lips, “No, you will always be in my thoughts. I will call you.”
“How? We will be in different time zones.”
“It’s just a 6 hours’ time difference. We can catch up.”
“I don’t want to catch up. It want to be with you.”
“Don’t be so tough.”
“Don’t go away.”
“ I am always here.” She gently places her hand on my chest.
I don’t care if my steps are falling right as we waltz. I wish to absorb all that I have for the rest of the evening. I won’t leave Hana’s side till the night gets over.
*************
Early next morning, Hana is ready for her journey. Liam and Riley stand beside her bidding her farewell. Max roams around aimlessly. Hana says her good-byes to them all and walks to the door where I stand with a sullen face.
They all walk out one by one leaving just the two of us alone. She leans in and I take the whiff of her perfume as I hug her.
She cups my face. “Don’t be grumpy.”
“You too? I hate Riley for teaching you all her unwanted vocabulary.”
She smiles through her glistening eyes. “I love you.”
“I love you more.” She hugs me again.
“Now I need to leave. Wait for my call.”
And just like that, she is gone. Hours turn into days and days into a week. She never calls up. I keep waiting. I try asking Riley but nothing comes up except reassurances.
Liam has kept busy with his plans for the engagement tour and setting up his new council. I try to keep myself busy at the stables and on the farms until after a week when Livy visits.
“How are you?” She asks, tilting her head, judging with her piercing green eyes.
“As always.” I give a casual shrug.
“How is Hana?”
“I don’t know.” I avoid her gaze.
“What do you mean you don’t know?”
“I kept waiting but she never called back.” I say as a matter of fact.
“You are an idiot.” She says in a raised voice.
“What? What did I do?” I give her a puzzled look.
“That is the problem. You don’t do anything. You know her circumstances.”
I leash out my frustration at the situation. “For all we know she must be having her precious fingers dipped in silver wares, busy, throwing away parties and bragging about her Cordonian expedition.”
“How can you say that for her?”
“Because I am a fool. After all, she is a noble like you all. Why would she care about some commoner she had a fling with?”
Livy snarls at me. “You moron! Are you out of your senses? You know the conservative culture where she comes from. And yet you sit here waiting for her call?” She smacks me hard on my bottom. “Get your ass up and act.”
“Gawd! Lady, have you forgotten your manners?” I rub my hurt part and stare at her offensively. “Where do I call? Her old number is invalid. I don’t have any alternate number. I can’t call up at her estate and say that I am the royal vet and want to speak to their daughter because I am in love with her. I don’t know what repercussions she will face for that. What can I do?”
She thinks for a moment and then speaks. “Meet me in Liam’s study after two hours.”
“But?”
“Just do what I am telling you.”
“Okay.” I throw my hands up in the air and walk away.
************
Three hours later I am sitting in front of Liam’s desk. Riley is standing next to him smiling widely.
I look at Livy, who is sitting next to me handing me some documents. I have read them carefully and I can’t believe what I am getting myself into.
“Do you think this will work.” I ask Livy
“I don’t do half cooked job. I have covered up all loopholes. It definitely will work.” She says firmly.
“Why didn’t it strike me all these days?”
“Not everyone has the prowess of the scarlet Duchess.” Liam beams looking in approval at Olivia.
“Thank you for doing this for me.” I have said that almost ten times in last half an hour.
Olivia stands up and I follow suite. “You are a nuisance to handle Mr Walker. It’s rare to find a match for a stubborn stag like you. Now that we have found one, it’s better you don’t lose your chance at it. Go, get her!”
I hug Livy. “You are the best!”
“I know.” She says with a smirk.
I pick up my air tickets and the official documents addressed to Mr Lee with the royal seal from the king of Cordonia. I walk out of the study with a spring in my gait.
I grin thinking about seeing Hana soon and that too in Shanghai. Dreams do come true!
Tags: @ao719 @annekebbphotography @anjanettexcordonia @bebepac @charlotteg234 @choicesficwriterscreations @cordonia-gothqueen @drakewalker04 @eadanga @gkittylove99 @glaimtruelovealways @krsnlove @hopefulmoonobject @hopelessromanticmonie @iam-the-kind-and-thoughtful @idontknowwhysblog @jessiembruno @jovialyouthmusic @jaxsmutsuo @kat-tia801 @kingliam2019 @khoicesbyk @shewillreadyou @lisha1valecha @lovablegranny @mrswalkers-blog @mom2000aggie @neotericthemis @no-one-u-know @ntoraplayschoices @princessleac1 @ritachacha @secretaryunpaid @sirbeepsalot @speedyoperarascalparty @shanzay44 @texaskitten30 @txemrn @queenrileyrose @sanchita012 @sfb123 @sweatyrysconnoisseur @theroyalheirshadowhunter @aestheticartsx @yourmajesty09
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Strengths
I wanted to touch on how Aerith is different across her many worlds and I figured showcasing her strengths is a nice way to convey that while she has the same name and same attitude she isn’t necessarily a carbon copy each time she is placed somewhere different. This isn’t including A Song of Ice and Fire or Resident Evil (villager) as those strengths are leaning more towards the life of a domestic housewife or living a life around serving someone wholly without autonomy and I didn’t have the will or the want to champion those qualities (still interesting to write, but personal opinions clashing over holding that up as strengths etc etc.).
FFVII: Aerith’s power really is her magic. She is the last remaining Cetra and her skill when it comes to casting spells is further reaching than simply being the healer type, she is a glass canon and can devastate with offensive spells (thank-you Remake Aerith for blasting Sephiroth and giving me the satisfaction of having a long-standing headcanon being showcased). This is a woman who can cast even when she has crossed into the lifestream which isn’t something to sneeze at. In any world where she breaks out of Midgar or is given any form of mentor / opportunity to study you better watch out you better watch out YOU BETTER WATCH OUT. @starswhispercd‘s Scarlet in particular having the desire to empower Aerith and flat out paying for her to study science and materia at a university level will mean a game changer.
FFXV (ancient): With thanks owing entirely to @somnus-lucis-caelum‘s Somnus, she finds her footing as a shieldmaiden. Before they reunite Aerith has lived a life of hard work in a time when even simple tasks could be quite physically demanding and time consuming. Though she has to be trained for combat she already carries a lot more strength than in any other verse. Seeing potential in her, Som simply builds on that... and this Aerith is a god challenger, which speaks volumes about the impulsiveness and the confidence propping up her strength.
FFXV (present): 🌱 P L A N T S 🌱 There is no fighter here, with consideration to where she might fit in a modern setting I am comfortable with her skillset being completely out of battle and her playing a part in sustained agriculture both leading up to the years of darkness and during.
I am heavily leaning towards any splintered verse where she traveled to Lucis instead of remaining in Tenebrae she is permitted a refugee visa into Insomnia as a student (have touched on how difficult it is to enter through their refugee program with others, so she would be living and studying agriculture alone during that time) she will have already graduated and left the city before Insomnia’s fall.
DmC5: Honestly, I should list her strength here as @lostsonofsparda‘s Vergil and call it a day. Not only has he taken on a role as her protector but he navigates the gray area of soul corruption and somehow keeps her both alive and stable. She is very much a human starting back at square 1 in life with small touches of demonic corruption granting her some spell-casting abilities, but this is far less sustained and not as powerful as her FFVII-self. This magic comes at a cost that has the potential to be quite dangerous to herself.
Modern: Fame and fortune are her biggest strengths here. Had Aerith never found her lucky break with AVALANCHE, she would still be considered a good musician but the industry is so inconsistent and unforgiving that those skills wouldn’t have mattered much at all. She has a name and face that people recognise which has opened up far more business opportunities than being a good guitarist and singer. Though this has been a double-edged sword. The pressure to perform at her best and to keep contributing to the band instead of riding on their coattails has been a downfall (concerning her dependence on some prescription medications not prescribed to her), and the loss of freedom has also fostered dangerous escapism habits in the form of illegal motorbike racing.
#headcanon#Sometimes you just have to think about your own characters#apologies if that isn't everyone's cup of tea but#I love growing different versions of Aerith#makes alternate worlds feel so fresh and fun to tackle
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Here are some brief thoughts on kdrama that started airing in 2020 that I've watched. I said brief, but those who have been following me would appreciate that this is indeed, brief.
The list is in alphabetical order.
1. 365: Repeat the Year (MBC)
Disclosure: I am a HUGE Lee Joon Hyuk stan. He is second only to Hyun Bin on my list. The fact that this drama is on the top of this list is a happy coincidence 🥰🥰
I was soooooooo excited when I knew Lee Joon Hyuk was to star in a new drama. MBC made the announcement of the drama late last year, and I was literally walking to the office when I saw the announcement on ig.
The premise of the drama was pretty straightforward. 10 people were given the chance to travel back in time exactly one year prior. Mysterious things kept happening to the people who took the trip, so our Detective Ji “Fluffy-Hair” Hyung Joo and webtoon writer Shin “Self-Hater” Ga Hyun joined hands to figure out what exactly happened.
Once they finally figured out what caused the mysterious cases, they faced a great dilemma on what to do, with our Fluffy Hair detective running as a fugitive.
The ending was really sad, and I really wished it ended differently, but the main character of the story was our Fluffy Hair detective, and him having to live on and reset the whole thing from the new past was a nice touch to the ending.
This drama was full of surprises, twist and turn, and it is certainly a drama I would consider rewatching in the future.
2. Do You Like Brahms? (SBS)
Many people criticised the second half of this drama. Apparently the year 2020 is the year when kdramaland keeps being a disappointment, and many people are quick to include this drama in the list of disappointing drama, despite having a good beginning.
I beg to differ though. To me this drama feels more of a healing drama, wherein the characters are forced to deal with their issues. And anyone who has had to go through any form of therapy knows how hard healing process is.
TL;DR: The main leads are both people who have been mentally abused by the people around them, except for Cha Young In, because she was the only reason I did not throw my remote control at my 50-inch TV.
Park Joon Young is your classic example of a ‘gifted kid’ struggle. He was seen as a young, talented pianist who had a bright future ahead of him. But people started to treat him more like a trophy than a human being, so he decided to take a sabbatical, much to the criticism of people in the music industry. Park Joon Young realised that his passion in playing the piano has faded away, no thanks to his abusive piano professor who belittled him again and again, and practically brainwashed him into being a people pleaser. You could see how Park Joon Young was not himself in the beginning of the drama once you finish the drama.
Chae Song Ah took interest in violin at a later age (much later than professional musicians) and decided to pursue her dream by enrolling into a music programme. Her classmates were all younger than her, and it didn’t help that they all learnt music since much younger. I love how Song Ah did not give up on her dream easily and gave it her all, before she finally decided to let go of her dream to become a musician. The metaphor of her love for violin and Joon Young hurting her again and again and she just endured it though.. I cried like a mess well I am a mess but that’s a separate issue
Special shout out to Cha Young In who was there for both of them.
3. Flower of Evil (tvN)
If thriller is your thing, consider this drama. If you are one of those people who like to see your characters being tortured (physically and mentally), this drama is a MUST WATCH. And if you enjoy watching Lee Joon Ki playing a character who is put at a great distress because he is trying to run from his past, go watch this drama.
More importantly, if you enjoy a drama where your ML is sexy, attends to house chores and takes care of his bright young daughter while his wife goes crazy for solving violent crimes, a devoted husband who is attentive and a tender person but also a freak in the sheets, you are wasting every single of your breath not watching this drama.
I mean look at this man teasing his wife about his stamina.
Flower of Evil did not feel draggy at all. Everything that happened within the first 6 episodes could have been an entire drama if this was written by someone else. Seriously, this drama kept me at the edge of my couch!
The dynamic of HS and JW screams POWER COUPLE but at the same time it broke my heart how they were pushed into corners too many times by the people around them I do hope they had some sexy times while they were in the corners though
The focus on their wedding rings throughout the drama symbolised their unbreakable bond. The wedding rings were literally the very last thing that kept them together when JW stumbled upon evidences that pointed against HS.
JW, whose compass was only trusting what she saw, and not what she heard, tried to break the stigma of women being at a disadvantage in the police force. Heck, she was better than her entire team when it came to solving cases, her being the only woman in the team. Who said women cannot make good cops?
The plot twist though.. And the climax.. To this day, I still listen to this soundtrack from the drama and cry just thinking of the climax.
4. Into the Ring (also known as Memorials) (KBS2)
I didn’t even plan on watching this drama. I was channel surfing and saw Park Sung Hoon looking all depressed in the first episode and ran into Koo Se Ra. Girl was UNHINGED and determined to fight for her way.
Her motivation was initially on getting a stable pay check from being a district representative (it was only 60 million won which is like USD55k so it’s not that much) but she eventually became the district representative who fought for the benefit of the people and did not care for the political warfare that took place.
Came along Seo Gong Myung, a government officer in the local government office who was demoted from planning unit of the accounting department or something to be a secretariat to the district assembly. Seo Gong Myung sticks to his principle no matter what, which surprise surprise, is HATED by everyone in the district government.
Turns out our main leads were friends when they were kids so Se Ra kept teasing him and dragging him into her scheme of fighting for the people, which Gong Myung agreed to, not so much because he was a community-loving person, but because he was afraid Se Ra would get into trouble since she was as straight as a ruler.
Long story short, our leads fell for each other, and their relationship was HILAIROUS to watch. I think I speak for everyone who watched the drama that we had no reason to believe Se Ra did not peg Gong Myung for fun 😝😝
They were so cute together awwww
5. Kairos (MBC)
This is another drama that I stumbled into. Only this time, I saw Nam Gyu Ri and I remember seeing her ig post on a new drama so I decided to give it a go. She wrecked my heart in 49 Days so I decided to check this out for funsies. Hooo boy was I in for a major surprise.
The first two episodes got me hooketh!! I still cannot believe how the drama managed to keep me on my edge especially during the last 5 minutes of every episode. The pacing is even faster than Flower of Evil, and since this drama went back and forth between past and future, it keeps me guessing whether their efforts would bear fruit.
Will Kim “Sexy Brain” Seo Jin and Han “I-Know-No-Fear” Ae Ri succeed in fighting the evil, who at this point in time remains unknown? I know Chairman Yoo Seo Il is currently being hinted as the culprit behind everything but I know better that he is just a puppet who sold his soul to the real devil who most likely is in the higher ranks in politics. I mean he even hinted at his remorse for what happened with Taejung Town 19 years prior. My suspicion is he is trying to cover up whatever happened because otherwise his own family would be at risk, so his only option is to redeem himself by doing something about the Taejung Town. I could be wrong, but regardless of who turns out to be the real villain in the story, I can say I am so satisfied by how the story has progressed so far.
The time paradox still hurts my brain, but I am choosing that this drama does not assume that time is linear.
There is still not enough people watching this drama and I’m begging you all to go and catch up before it ends in two weeks time.
6. More than Friends (JTBC)
A little trivia: I reblog most of the posts from @kdramastuff even if I am not watching the show at the point of reblogging the posts. I had been following her posts on this drama for 3 weeks, and I finally decided to marathon all 6 episodes and joined the watching party.
More than Friends was another drama that many people called a disappointment but I had a different opinion on it. Yes, I used to be the nerd who had different opinions on many things in high school sue me
The drama is premised on Kyung Woo Yeon who is said to have a crush on her high school friend, Lee Soo for 10 years. Lee Soo is nowhere near to be the perfect boyfriend material. He is selfish, does not care about other people’s feelings, and was always a lone ranger.
BUUUUUUT, Lee Soo seemed to show signs of care and affection (even though it was not at all for a normal person’s standard) for Woo Yeon. Surprisingly, he seemed to only do it for Woo Yeon and gave attention to Woo Yeon alone, even though he could practically pick and choose anyone he liked from the swarm of girls who were chasing him.
One day, he told Woo Yeon that he had to leave to the US to study, which made our girl sad. She decided to confess at the airport, but he outright turned her down, saying he only wanted to be friends with her. Over the time, they kept running into each other by coincidence (note: her name Woo Yeon is a wordplay on coincidence in Korean). Later, it was revealed that he wanted her to always be by his side, but he has built a wall as tall as the Great Wall of China before the idea of love so he didn’t realise what his true feeling for Woo Yeon was all along.
Woo Yeon, who felt sick of the ten-year crush, decided to end the “curse” and kissed him by the beach, thinking of getting a closure on her crush.
Long story short, Lee Soo finally realised his feeling for her and decided to confess, but by that time, a young, handsome, rich CEO of a conglomerate has entered into the picture. Cue the game of cat and mouse between Lee Soo and Woo Yeon about resentment, regret and relationship.
This drama was promoted as a romcom, but it feels more like a slice-of-life drama with a mix of melo and romcom in there. Seriously, I cried buckets watching this drama, not something you’d expect from a romcom. The dialogues were well-written, with each episode revolving around a specific theme. This was such a good drama coming from a rookie writer.
This drama did not have that many viewers to begin with, and many of those few people dropped it along the way, including the one who was responsible in getting me hooked into this drama :p By the end of it, there were so few people talking about this drama in the tag (shout out to @dohyunsoo @have-yet-to-decide @starfire-s @thbn-anything for keeping me company to the very end of this drama)
This drama broke my record of screenshots per episode and total screenshots for any show. Until now, I have yet to finish posting them. I should probably upload more screenshots later tonight.
This drama had some AMAZING shots in the first half, with beautiful sceneries mostly in Seoul. It’s like what they said, “a daily occurrence for you, a trip for me”.
7. Oh My Baby (tvN)
I did not even remember watching this drama!! It was only after scrolling through my gallery that I saw I had shared some posts on my ig story about the drama.
It was in the middle of a lockdown when this drama aired and many of my memories from back then feel so distant to me.
The plot was not THAT good, but this drama is something you may consider if you like torturing yourself about the struggle of wanting to have a baby.
8. Once Again (KBS2)
Arguably one of the weekend family drama KBS2 in a while that kept me waiting for new episodes in front of my TV. Some people are turned off by weekend family drama because they tend to have slow pacing which makes viewers feel like they are being dragged to one of those boring corporate events that you would rather miss and wish you could be literally anywhere else.
Because this drama had more pairing than the typical weekend family drama, the story did take some time before it was on full momentum. It did feel like the drama could have been better with even one less sibling to worry about, but it was a fun watch in the middle of lockdown.
Will I watch it again? I’d rather rewatch House of Bluebird (starring Lee Joon Hyuk and Lee Sang Yeob as friends to enemies to friends again) because that drama spoke to me in a way that was more relatable. No hate to Once Again though. I just prefer House of Bluebird better.
Note: Justice for Song Ga Hee and her lovely son, Kim Ji Hoon. He had to grow up so much because of what happened to his mother, that it broke Ga Hee’s heart. And mine of course
9. Secret Forest 2 (tvN)
I watched Secret Forest once it has finished and I fell in love with the drama! Imagine my excitement when they announced Secret Forest 2 with my three main characters reprising their roles. No hate to Yoon Se Ah, I love her, but her screen time in Secret Forest was not enough to make me excited about her return. But I was pleased with her role in Secret Forest 2 and I hope if there is a third season, her character gets the redemption arc that she yearns for.
Secret Forest 2 was not as intense as the brilliant original, but I understood that it had to do with the overall theme of the season, and the theme required the script to be as such. Some people may argue me on this, but I still think what they pulled off was brilliant.
Too bad there was a severe lack of Lee Joon Hyuk on my screen though.
10. Tale of the Nine-Tailed (tvN)
Well. This drama went far beyond my expectation. The OTP was to die for. No such thing as miscommunication trope. This drama did not waste time on unnecessary drama. The pacing was incredibly fast, even faster than Kairos. Although to be fair, Kairos had to play with two different timelines and required time to establish the setting.
I’m sad about what happened to Lee Rang, but he did what he did, and he would never be able to erase that much pain from his memory even if the deities decided to be lenient on him because of his roles in killing off Imoogi. A fresh start as a human seemed like a fair reset to his life, and I hope he lives well, surrounded by people who love him.
I was never a fan of Jo Bo Ah (no hate on her, I was just indifferent) but this drama opened my eyes to what an incredible actress she is. I wish her a successful career ahead.
#365 repeat the year#365: repeat the year#do you like brahms#do you like brahms?#flower of evil#into the ring#kbs memorials#mbc kairos#more than friends#oh my baby#kbs once again#secret forest 2#tale of the nine tailed#kdrama#kdrama review#kdrama opinion#personal#annual drama recap
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Most people know to anticipate some degree of change when they’re in a committed, long-term romantic relationship: a desire for more nights in with Netflix instead of drunken ragers on the dance floor; the inevitable shift of physical appearances; the unexpected transformation of a side gig into a career. But many people assume sexual orientation is fairly stable—that whether you’re gay or straight, you’re “born this way,” and that’s what you’ll be forever.
That definitely isn’t always the case. But even though coming out as queer or bisexual in a committed straight relationship isn’t unheard of, a change in sexual identity is not something that many people anticipate happening within a long-term partnership, nor is it widely discussed. Despite the advancements in broader social understanding of LGBTQ issues made in the past decade, therapists Jared Anderson and Tamala Poljak told VICE that many of their patients fear that being bi or queer when straight-partnered could doom their relationship. There’s also a pervasive idea that a person in a hetero relationship can’t be LGBTQ because they have chosen to commit, and are presumably attracted to, a member of the opposite sex. But bisexuality is a valid orientation, and while it may feel intimidating to embrace this discovery and stay hetero-partnered, it’s by no means impossible.
“I believe both gender and sexuality [are] fluid, meaning we change throughout a lifespan,” Poljak said, adding that recent cultural shifts have likely led to light bulb moments for some individuals who has been denying or simply not recognizing their queer feelings.
Sexuality doula Isabella Frappier, whose work includes helping clients own and define their sexual expression, said that a person doesn’t need to have acted on any same-sex-attracted feelings in order to label themselves as queer or bisexual, and that bisexuality can be explored while still honoring an extant relationship, especially since everyone has different definitions of what it means to explore.
Bisexuality is often dismissed as a phase, and the idea that bisexual people are "just confused" persists. This is especially true for men; while bisexuality among women is slightly more socially acceptable (albeit because it’s fetishized and often viewed as an "experiment"), men often have to contend with the belief that bisexuality, as Carrie once put it on Sex and the City, is “a pit stop on the way to gay town.”
These myths stem from our society’s historically rigid approach to sexual expression. Experts are adamant that a person's bisexuality does not invalidate the love they have for their opposite-sex partner. According to Poljak, an associate marriage and family therapist, the idea that a person needs to “pick a side” is a rooted in heteronormative expectations.
The question, “Am I queer or bi enough?” can also weigh heavily on people who think they might not be all the way straight, as though there is a certain amount of "proof" that could confirm their sexuality. As much as those questioning might like to think there’s a litmus test that will tell them whether or not they’re truly bi, that’s simply not the case.
“For queer folks, it just isn’t so cut and dry,” Poljak said. “The hope to ‘figure it out’ and/or find ‘an answer’ is a pretty rigid idea steeped in heteronormative expectations. It also puts a lot of pressure on a person to have to declare one thing and stick to it. If you know you are attracted to one or more genders, then it’s really that simple.”
A journey into one’s queerness doesn’t have to involve sex outside of the relationship, or even sex in general. Just noticing that you’re attracted to other genders can be the extent of this exploration. The act of coming out to yourself, or maybe saying, “I’m bi. I don’t know what that looks like yet, and that’s OK,” has the potential to be extremely affirming.
You might find comfort in connecting with other queer folks, especially since identifying as queer might otherwise make you feel vulnerable or isolated. Some people are validated by coming out to friends and family, or by getting involved with the queer community. Frappier encouraged people exploring their bi/queer identity to go to LGBTQ events, read books about sexuality or written by queer authors, support bisexual artists and musicians, or join queer groups. Online, Reddit’s r/bisexual subreddit is a funny and informative space for bi folks to ask questions or simply discuss their experiences, while the Fluid Arizona resource page and Autostraddle's events and meet-ups can help queer folks build an IRL community.
If you decide you want to connect more physically with your queer sexual desires, but aren’t sure where to begin, start small. “I’d first encourage a person in this situation to start by considering the multiple ways they can explore their queerness on their own,” Frappier said. “That can be through watching ethical same-sex porn, or writing your own erotica.”
Experts strongly encouraged discussing your queerness with your partner eventually, as the secrecy can ultimately strain the relationship. (It can also contribute to the harmful idea that your queerness is somehow scandalous, or something to be ashamed of.) If you’re worried that your partner will react poorly, or you aren’t ready to share your feelings with them yet, consider talking to a professional, a trusted friend or loved one, or a queer friend who may relate a bit to what you are going through. Poljak, who is trained as an LGBTQ-affirmative therapist, said it’s crucial for people questioning their sexuality to have a solid support system. Studies show that bisexual people are at a higher risk of depression, anxiety, and experiencing violence than their gay, lesbian, and heterosexual counterparts. While staying in the closet can be a necessary choice for a myriad of reasons, research shows that the stress of concealment contributes to disrupted relationships, feelings of shame and guilt, and symptoms of anxiety and depression.
If you feel ready to talk with your significant other, avoid starting the conversation when either of you are tired or distracted, in the middle of a fight, or in any situation where tensions are high. Instead, choose a time when you both feel relaxed and won’t be rushed, like over coffee on a Saturday morning.
You don’t have to have everything figured out before you talk to your partner. Frappier said that it’s perfectly fine to tell them you’re in a questioning, exploratory phase, and then communicate what you’d like that to look like. There’s no need to choose a label unless you’d like to.
“Explain to [your partner] how you’ve been feeling, what you’re desiring to explore, and how you imagine that could look within your relationship,” Frappier said. She advised that it’s wise to let your partner know that your sexual expression is not a reflection of the relationship, but more about exploring a new part of yourself.
“Once you’re finished speaking, it’s important to give them space to share, and to really listen to how they are feeling,” Frappier said. “They may take it in stride, or need a little time to process it.”
Don’t stress if the first conversation doesn’t go as well as you’d hoped; this will likely be the first of many discussions. Anderson, who specializes in trauma and relationships, said that if any of these conversations get heated or overly emotional, it’s a good idea to press pause and revisit the topic once both partners have had a chance to cool off.
Couples therapy can also be extremely beneficial. “Ideally, both the person coming out and the partner of that person would be in individual therapy with a therapist who is trained in LGBTQ-affirmative therapy,” Poljak said. “The same is true if [you're] deciding to open your marriage, explore polyamory or emotional monogamy, and/or redefine your marital contract. The therapist needs to have more than just general knowledge of alternative, queer lifestyles, and understand the multiple systems at play.”
Psychology Today is the most thorough national network for finding mental health professionals, and allows users to search using various classifications, including sexuality and type of therapy (the “compassion-based” and “culturally sensitive” filters are good options for LGTBQ folks). Some health insurance plans allow users to filter for therapists who specialize in LGBTQ issues when searching for in-network providers. For POC-specific options, the National Queer and and Trans Therapists of Color Network is a good resource. For those struggling to find an in-person therapist, Pride Counseling offers digital therapy sessions via phone, messaging, and video call.
After your initial conversations and once you've sought any additional support you might find helpful, you and your partner may want to formulate an action plan. If you want to include your partner in your sexual exploration (and they are comfortable with that), the plan might include attending queer events, watching queer porn together, role-playing, engaging in threesomes, and/or swinging. If you’d prefer to explore your sexuality without your partner, but with other people, you may need to discuss opening up your relationship.
“Some folks find it exciting or even sexy, and perhaps a discussion unfolds about opening up the marriage or exploring poly or engaging in new kinds of play and fantasy with their partners,” Poljak said. “Maybe it even inspires their partner to share with honesty some queerness of their own that is emerging. Ideally, there is space for people’s differences and otherness to be expressed without having to lose the relationship, or having to abandon or sacrifice yourself.”
This sort of exploration is not one-size-fits-all. Regardless of the route you take, Frappier stresses the importance of discussing boundaries and safety throughout. If the two of you are struggling to find some sort of consensus when it comes to boundaries, that doesn’t mean the discussion regarding exploration is over forever. It’s very common for couples to have multiple conversations surrounding this topic, especially if one partner is asking to renegotiate the marital contract in some way.
Just as it’s reasonable for a person to want to explore their burgeoning sexuality outside of the relationship, it’s also reasonable for the other partner to say, “I’m not cool with that.” In some instances, it might be in the interest of both individuals to go their separate ways… and that’s OK, too.
“A marriage is a partnership that lasts as long as it’s right,” writer Nadia Rawls said after coming out to, and, later, ending things with her now–ex-husband. Rawls said she tried to make it work with her husband for six months, but ultimately realized that separating was the best option. “It takes a hell of a partner to help their spouse grow into the person they really are,” Rawls wrote. “Even if that means losing them.”
Rawls’s story is just one of many—Frappier and Poljak said that many couples make it work, too. It’s hard to predict how your partner might react, or how you’ll feel or what you’ll want, once you start exploring your queerness or bisexuality. That uncertainty is part of what makes the process of coming out in a straight relationship so intimidating. But the reward of being honest—both with yourself and with your partner—is the gift of a more authentic life. Regardless of the outcome, that is worth pursuing.
#queer#queer education#queer pride#queer representation#queer community#queer stuff#queer positivity#bisexuality#lgbtq community#bi#support bisexuality#bisexuality is valid#pride#bi tumblr#bi pride#lgbtq pride#lgbtq#bisexual community#bisexual nation#queer identity#queer is not a slur#queer is beautiful
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