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kitsunesfandomtime · 2 months

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Hated by Life Itself (Rough Draft/Concept)

Summary: A young AFO wonders why he is still alive and his purpose for his continued existence. He decides to try and figure it out despite everything else saying he should die.

Inspired by: @tengoku-izumi, @kstbj and song this is a rough draft and not the completed fic. I just like sharing since it might change so enjoy~

Completed Version: Link

Since he was born it felt as if life itself abhorred his very existence. Blood and death followed his every path as nightmares of the dead sneered and screamed at him. There are times he wondered if he should listen to their words, grab his own spike and ram it into his throat. To end it all as there is only more death in this world.

Only to remember that Yoichi is still there.

He would die without him, unable to fight or defend himself. While he didn’t care about his own life, always eating second and prioritizing the other, he can’t bring himself to abandon Yoichi. It was a selfish thought, he is sure, that he didn’t care much about himself and yet can’t let go of his little brother. As the only reason he could think of if Yoichi died is, he wouldn’t like it.

Little brother. It was Yoichi that learned that term after he brought all those books. It was also when he chose to name his little brother. As the only kindness the world has ever gifted him despite everything else wishing for his death. Yet he still hasn’t chosen a name for himself, even refusing his little brother's attempt to name him.

He didn’t need one.

A name is something for those that have an identity, a dream, or actually have some light to look forward to. His brother says live peacefully, be kind, even to his own detriment and while at times have gotten annoyed enough to roughly shove or hurt his brother. He admired it, that naivety was in a weird sense sweet because he wished he could live peacefully. What a wonderful thing it would be if he could just live like that, but he knows he can’t.

Every radio talks about a new death, every TV they find has another riot and chaos of people fighting those with powers. There are marches of people who sneer at the paranormal, looking at him and implying if has power they will kill him. Living Peacefully was never an option for them, but he can at least let Yoichi believe in that. It not like he cares what strangers think only that Yoichi lives and is at his side, then its enough.

Though he notes they both have been growing. Yoichi has more comics now after they found a bookstore to hide in. He goes to his side and reads.

And in that moment also realized, like the hero, if they died there would be no one there to mourn them. No one would care about their existence and for once the thought did bother him because it was unfair. Unsure of what to think of these feelings he keeps it close to his chest listening and trying to learn more of the world. Only to learn of the ‘Glowing baby’.

…He was loved. He was born with mutant powers but everyone loved him. They adored him and he made changes. Everyone would care if he died, he would be a martyr.

He saw red, wanting to scream why everyone loves him? Why didn’t anyone help him or his little brother? What made them so different!? His hands trembling as he stared at the screen as this ‘baby’ was actually his age if anything a bit younger. Wanting to ask why he was born so loved while he is in the streets with scraps barely surviving.

Because you’re a monster!

He flinches. Somehow a voice echoed in his head causing him to stumble awat from the TV, knowing he was getting a few looks. His head was pounding, able to hear the jeers and sneers, they were so loud… He just wanted to live for his little brother. He just wants what everyone else has so won’t feel so terrible and is only trying to survive while people keep trying to kill him. Is that so wrong? Was he that terrible?

Why was he even alive?

“...It’s all pointless isn’t it?” He whispers more to himself as he just listens to those voices. A deep breath and a sigh as he looks at the TV screen. Thinking about the comic book they read reminded him of the villain. The villain wasn’t alone. If he's already been a monster since birth then he should embrace that role. Then everyone would have to look at him then when they have nothing, he can show he can care for them.

No one will be able to ignore him. He won’t feel lonely anymore.

He needs to return to Yoichi. Before he does this he wants to be with him, he won’t tell him his plans might fail. If he dies because of failure at least he wants to be sure that Yoichi will be fine for a while. Because in the end if Yoichi dies, no one would even know or even care that he existed either.

________

“Yoichi I brought back food,” The unnamed young man called out with a grocery bag. Of course he had to mug some drunks for the money since no one wants to hire some rats off the street. One of the food though was a nice donation from that kind restaurant, the man always left nice food in the back. He wishes he could pay him back somehow, but if he succeeds then he will try his best to repay him back.

“And not all of it from stolen money. The guy that puts out free food in the back had a full meal out today he must be doing well,” He notes as he takes out that first since is sure Yoichi already making a face at the idea of food obtained dubiously. But the moment he mentioned that specific man his eyes lit up already eagerly holding his hand out to snatch the food. Opening and devouring it with his hand.

“Hey! He brought us forks we should at least try to eat it,” he laughs just a bit and Yoichi stops himself. Looking a bit embarrassed but to be fair they didn’t know manners they only learned by watching other people. Usually through a window and that's how they even learned about utensils, regardless Yoichi did accept the plastic fork and knife to eat his noodles a bit more cleanly. While the older brother sat beside to eat the leftover Katsudon enjoying the meal a bit he thinks about how could set his little brother up.

“Honestly, you can probably visit that guy sometimes too. He usually has a consistent schedule and thankfully not too many people cause trouble there,” He noted. Watching Yoichi look up in surprise as this was the first time he ever suggested Yoichi do anything by himself. “It's just a thought. Eventually I might die so it's good to know how to care for yourself.”

Yoichi suddenly sputtered and choked, looking shocked. Was it really that surprising? There were tons of attempts on their life-

“You aren’t going to die! Don’t just say stuff like that, you don’t want to die do you?” Yoichi questioned with concern and honestly… The older brother was a bit dumbfounded. Staring at his little brother confused at what he means about how he doesn’t want to die. Slowly tilting his head he thinks about how he doesn’t care if he does die but guessed it not like he is actively trying.

“I mean if I obtained an immortal body I guess that wouldn’t be an issue,” he answers quite bluntly. Yoichi’s concern turns to annoyance as he leans over and smacks his shoulder as if had just been tricked.

“You’re an ass! That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it. Are you just messing with me by talking about death?” Yoichi questions and he honestly just shrugs. Likely only frustrating his little brother more but he didn’t exactly know how to explain it. Thinking a bit more carefully about how he is supposed to communicate his words.

“I am serious. If I was immortal it would be nice, I would be able to take care of you forever without any issues. I’m sure you like being immortal as you could read all the comics and books in the world,” He informed him, though his little brother seemed annoyed. At least he wasn’t saying he wanted to die or anything. He’s just indifferent to the idea if he was honest but he would avoid it if he could. So that should be satisfactory.

“But honestly… If either of us died, the world itself likely wouldn’t care.” The unnamed teen muses and Yoichi freezes. He doesn’t say anything, just a long moment of silence because honestly it's the truth. Yoichi may be smart and probably get along well in society but it won’t allow him in unless something huge happens. They see his white hair and they steer clear of him right away just on the possibility he’s a paranormal.

“...But I don’t really care about the dying part.” He finally admits watching his little brother freeze, “I wouldn’t pursue it of course, you still need me and I would do anything to avoid it as there are things I still want to do. But at the same time, I would rather you live over me if given a chance that’s all it is.”

“Shut up! What is wrong with you!?” Yoichi screams and the anger did surprise him. It was rare to see his little brother so riled up and when examines his face he was trembling. As if hadn’t expected this at all, his words came out of nowhere. “You’re always selfish and demanding the hell you mean you rather I live over you!?”

Selfish…? Demanding…? What does that have to do with this conversation?

Oh! Likely because he ignores Yoichi whenever he tries to stop him from killing their enemies or any of his demands to be ‘good’. He is quite stubborn like that but he didn’t see anything wrong with what he said, not like he has any issues with Yoichi personally either. He’s known that his brother is just like this and he accepts him he isn’t going to stop caring about him. He continues eating like Yoichi isn’t looking on the brink of crying. Honestly confused at why he is making such a big deal about his statement.

“Well, I just wouldn’t like living without you alive.” It was blunt and to the point. To show he is still the same and selfish brother that he always knew. Watching those green eyes widened as tries to register his words. Then they filled with tears and a broken laugh escaped him as if had said something funny.

“The hell is that supposed to mean? That doesn’t make sense… You don’t make sense,” Yoichi whispers and in the end he guessed it was true if he said it didn’t. But in the end he was selfish and didn’t care about what was the correct way to care about someone. Some might think he is being selfless but it is not as if he wants to die for his little brother. He just prefers not to entertain the idea of being completely alone.

“You don’t need to understand it just how I feel. But you probably shouldn’t cry over your ramen. It 's going to end up extra salty,” He points out. Watching his little brother snort as wipes his eyes then goes to eat the remaining ramen. At the least they talked it out even if his brother started yelling at him and getting emotional suddenly. But in a weird way, he did feel closer and he was happy at that moment.

He hopes he can succeed and eventually they no longer have to live off of scraps.

#All for One MHA #All for One BNHA #yoichi shigaraki #First One for All User #Yoly's Rough Draft #Yoly's fanfics

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