#general anxiety and ocd? paranoid constantly about everything | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

xdevilinthechurch-blog · 6 years

Text

memes for extremes

+headcanons

Bold what applies Italicize what applies sometimes or in some verses Regular text what rarely applies or only in few verses Strikethrough what never applies

under cut for length

BELIEFS:

agrees completely with the beliefs of a single philosopher/person believes all religions are cults believes animals do not have souls believes being homosexual is a choice believes conspiracy theories about politics, historical events, etc. believes everyone goes to heaven when they die believes in aliens believes in an afterlife believes in demonic possession believes in ghosts/spirits believes in karma believes in reincarnation believes in superheroes believes in supernatural/mythical creatures (werewolves, vampires, mermaids, etc.) believes in the Illuminati believes one gender is better than the other believes one race or culture is better than another believes the moon gives him special powers believes that watching/not watching a sporting event profoundly affects the outcome believes the world will end soon carries a “lucky” item with them everywhere doesn’t believe in mental illness fights for animal rights fights for gender equality fights for human rights fights for the legalisation of marijuana/other drugs fights for marriage equlity hates conflict is a Mormon is Amish is an Atheist is always trying to recruit people to their religion/philosophical beliefs is apathetic about politics is extremely passionate about a certain political issue is extremely politically conservative is extremely politically liberal is extremely superstitious meditates practices voodoo refuses to hurt any animal including insects

CLOTHING:

always has change in their pockets always has untied shoelaces always wears a cap or hat always wears a jacket, even in summer always wears shorts, even in winter always wears sunglasses, even indoors cannot resist the urge to steal clothing whenever they go to a clothing store cannot wear a certain colour doesn’t use a wallet doesn’t wear a watch only owns one or two pairs of shoes only wears a certain colour only wears t-shirts and jeans owns an outrageous amount of shoes refuses to get rid of old clothing refuses to wear shoes wears colorful socks wears lots of bracelets wears mismatched socks wears multiple watches set to different time zones wears only clothing of the opposite sex wears only new socks

COUNTING:

counts ceiling tiles counts cracks in the sidewalk counts money in pockets once a day counts own teeth counts stairs counts steps taken while walking

DIAGNOSED DISORDERS/SYMPTOMS:

experiences anxiety when alone experiences social anxiety experiences episodes of depression experiences episodes of mania experiences panic attacks has a compulsive disorder has a learning disability has an eating disorder not otherwise specified (EDNOS) has anorexia has Asperger’s Syndrome has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) has bipolar disporder has borderline personality disorder (BPD) has bulimia has delusions of grandeur has depression has epilepsy has generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) has insomnia has narcolepsy has obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) has post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) has schizophrenia has seizures has selective mutism has senesthesia hears voices is a pathological liar uses braces/crutches uses a wheelchair self-diagnoses self-harms by bruising self-harms by burning self-harms by cutting

ENTERTAINMENT/HOBBIES:

attends over 50 concerts per year belongs to a book club belongs to a fan club blogs boxes brings camera everywhere busks (performs in public for money) can’t sleep after watching horror movies collects boxes collects business cards collects buttons collects celebrity trash collects flyers collects insects collects packs of playing cards collects postcards collects stamps collects stuffed animals collects ticket stubs to everything creates cartoons creates comics creates inventions creates short films crochets dances competitively designs cars designs clothing doodles on everything embroiders enjoys hiking enjoys plays on words enjoys jigsaw puzzles enjoys jokes with puns enjoys word puzzles fire-breathes freestyle raps gardens gets headaches while listening to a certain type/genre of music has a black belt in karate has an obsession with a particular TV show, series, film, or franchise has seen a particular musical artist live over 50 times hates the outdoors hunts animals is a hacker is always reading is in a band juggles keeps a Rubik’s cube with them at all times keeps up with the weather obsessively knits lip-synchs loves board games loves camping loves memorising lists loves playing practical jokes loves the outdoors loves to hide and scare people makes dioramas/models makes greeting cards makes podcasts makes robots mixes music only listens to a certain genre of music only listens to a certain musical artist only watches court TV only watches reality shows paints plays a musical instrument plays a team sport plays with fire practices archery practices calligraphy practices magic practices metal working practices miming practices mixed martial arts (MMA) practices taxidermy practices water sports practices wood working practices yoga plays “geeky” games that require a paid subscription such as World of Warcraft plays poker plays video games randomly wanders around/gets lost when bored reads books chapter by chapter backwards rides BMX rides horses rock climbs runs scrapbooks secretly makes graffiti on public property self-publishes a magazine sings well skateboards sketches skiis swims swordfights takes pictures of everything teaches aerobics classes teaches art classes teaches dance classes vlogs volunteers wrestles writes academic articles writes essays writes fan fiction writes novels writes to a penpal

FEARS:

is afraid of or hates a certain colour is afraid of animals is afraid of dogs is afraid of heights is afraid of house cats is afraid of insects is afraid of snakes is agoraphobic is claustrophobic is constantly paranoid

FOOD/DRINK:

always chews gum always has to be snacking on something cannot drink anything with ice in it cannot mix food cannot pour anything without spilling doesn’t drink alcohol doesn’t drink non-“diet” soft drinks doesn’t drink soft drinks doesn’t eat green things dumpster-dives eats counter-clockwise/clockwise around plate eats only cold food eats only hot food has tea in the afternoon is allergic to nuts is allergic to strawberries is lactose intolerant is vegan is vegetarian is unable to digest proteins correctly keeps kosher must be holding a cup to feel comfortable talking to strangers must chew food a certain number of times must clean plate must drink coffee or tea to “wake up” must leave some food left over obsessively loves a certain food or flavour only eats free food only drinks from paper, plastic, or styrofoam cups only drinks water saves fluid to drink after the meal

HEALTH:

brushes teeth more than 10 times a day drinks alcohol excessively when alone drinks alcohol excessively when around others drinks alcohol excessively when in public drinks lots of water doesn’t brush teeth doesn’t sweat habitually coughs/clears throat even when healthy habitually sniffles even when healthy has a large visible scar has allergies is colourblind is gassy is hearing-impaired is vision-impaired must hum while brushing teeth uses drugs recreationally smokes cigarettes smokes marijuana sneezes loudly sneezes many times in a row sweats profusely wears a retainer wears braces wears contact lenses wears glasses wears headgear works out/goes to the gym excessively

HOME:

has only white furniture has many pets is “organised chaos” lives with only required furniture (no lounge chairs or extra lamps)

MOVEMENT/PHYSICAL QUIRKS:

always feels dirty always knows what direction they are going always stands with feet apart always stands with hands behind their back always shreds random pieces of paper/napkins avoids eye contact blinks repeatedly bites lip bites nails cannot keep still cannot walk straight chews straws chews toenails constantly adjusts clothing constantly adjusts glasses constantly bumps into or knocks over things constantly checks phone constantly squints cracks neck/back cracks knuckles easily sunburned has a beard has a bouncy walk has a moustache has a noticeable birthmark has a spitting image doppleganger has a terrible sense of direction has an eye twitch has body piercings has brightly coloured hair has extremely hairy arms has facial piercings has tattoos has terrible handwriting hates being touched hates to hug is always touching their face is an extremely slow walker is bald is double-jointed is extremely clumsy is extremely flexible is extremely ticklish is late to everything picks nose picks skin plays with hair pulls on earrings regularly looks up at the sky, sun, or moon skips tiles while walking taps foot when bored or nervous taps pen on surface tends to drag feet walks in the middle of the aisle or sidewalk so others can’t get around them walks with a limp whistles winks without realizing

SLEEP:

goes to bed after 4 am goes to bed at sunrise goes to bed at sunset sleeps during the day sleeps less than 3 hours sleeps without blankets sleeps without sheets sleep-cooks sleep-talks sleep-walks takes sleeping pills wakes up at 3 am wakes up after noon

SPEECH/CONVERSING:

accidentally makes innuendos without realizing it always answers a question with a question always gives the vaguest possible answer to questions always laughs at own jokes always lets out a nervous laugh before speaking always quotes things incorrectly brings up/uses Internet memes/lingo constantly quotes favorite movies corrects others’ grammar curses constantly doesn’t talk much doesn’t understand sarcasm easily distracted in conversation ends declarative sentences with interrogative inflection flirts with everyone gets angry when someone mispronounces a word or pronounces it differently than them gossips constantly has a catchphrase they use whenever possible has a distinct accent has a lisp has a stutter has an unusually high-pitched laugh has an unusually low-pitched laugh has an unusually high-pitched voice has an unusually low-pitched voice has to touch whoever they are speaking to hates quiet pauses in conversation hates slang hesitates before speaking interrupts is a terrible listener is easily impressed is extremely gullible and falls for even the most obvious sarcasm is extremely sarcastic knows a foreign language laughs at everything laughs to self randomly or for no reason makes conversations always turn to a peculiar topic mutters things under their breath narrates their life aloud never speaks unless spoken to never uses contractions pauses a lot while speaking plays dumb puts others down constantly randomly bursts into song reacts exaggeratedly to everything regularly mispronounces words refuses to curse says “like” a lot says “right?” a lot SAYS “UM” OR “UH” A LOT says “you know” a lot sees a dirty/sexual reference in everything spaces out and stares when someone is talking for a while speaks in third person speaks out of the corner of their mouth speaks with poetic flair talks to animals tells “stories” with no point or conclusion tells the truth/is brutally honest no matter what uses abbreviations whenever possible uses bad puns whenever possible uses big words to impress others uses lots of metaphors uses pet names for everyone uses poor grammar uses slang whenever possible yawns a lot

SURROUNDINGS:

claustrophobic easily cold easily overheated gets uncomfortable in a place with little to no places to sit down gets uncomfortable in a place with no windows must sit next to a wall prefers to sit on the arm of chairs or couches rather than the seat

TALENTS:

can identify any plant can quote nearly any movie or TV show can solve a difficult sudoku in under 5 minutes can solve a Rubik’s cube in under a minute can speak in a cartoon voice that sounds nothing like their real voice can talk with their mouth closed dances well generally lucky good at card games good at card tricks good at hair-braiding is an expert with a certain type of film is an expert with a certain type of music knows how to code websites knows how to shoot a gun accurately knows how to sew knows lots of useless trivia sings well

TRAVELING:

does not drive must sit in a window seat on cars/trains/airplanes won’t fly won’t take public transportation

#headcanon

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starkdissembled-arc · 6 years

Text

+headcanons

Bold what applies Italicize what applies sometimes or in some verses Regular text what rarely applies or only in few verses Strikethrough what never applies

under cut for length

BELIEFS:

CLOTHING:

COUNTING:

counts ceiling tiles counts cracks in the sidewalk counts money in pockets once a day counts own teeth counts stairs counts steps taken while walking

DIAGNOSED DISORDERS/SYMPTOMS:

ENTERTAINMENT/HOBBIES:

attends over 50 concerts per year belongs to a book club belongs to a fan club blogs boxes brings camera everywhere (phone) busks (performs in public for money) can’t sleep after watching horror movies collects boxes collects business cards collects buttons collects celebrity trash collects flyers collects insects collects packs of playing cards collects postcards collects stamps collects stuffed animals collects ticket stubs to everything creates cartoons creates comics creates inventions creates short films crochets dances competitively designs cars designs clothing doodles on everything embroiders enjoys hiking enjoys plays on words enjoys jigsaw puzzles enjoys jokes with puns enjoys word puzzles fire-breathes freestyle raps gardens gets headaches while listening to a certain type/genre of music has a black belt in karate has an obsession with a particular TV show, series, film, or franchise has seen a particular musical artist live over 50 times hates the outdoors hunts animals is a hacker is always reading is in a band juggles keeps a Rubik’s cube with them at all times keeps up with the weather obsessively knits lip-synchs loves board games loves camping loves memorising lists loves playing practical jokes loves the outdoors loves to hide and scare people makes dioramas/models makes greeting cards makes podcasts makes robots mixes music only listens to a certain genre of music only listens to a certain musical artist only watches court TV only watches reality shows paints plays a musical instrument plays a team sport plays with fire practices archery practices calligraphy practices magic practices metal working practices miming practices mixed martial arts (MMA) practices taxidermy practices water sports practices wood working practices yoga plays a team sport plays “geeky” games that require a paid subscription such as World of Warcraft plays poker plays video games randomly wanders around/gets lost when bored reads books chapter by chapter backwards rides BMX rides horses rock climbs runs scrapbooks secretly makes graffiti on public property self-publishes a magazine sings well skateboards sketches skiis swims swordfights takes pictures of everything teaches aerobics classes teaches art classes teaches dance classes vlogs volunteers wrestles writes academic articles writes essays writes fan fiction writes novels writes to a penpal

FEARS:

FOOD/DRINK:

HEALTH:

HOME:

has only white furniture has many pets is “organised chaos” lives with only required furniture (no lounge chairs or extra lamps)

MOVEMENT/PHYSICAL QUIRKS:

SLEEP:

SPEECH/CONVERSING:

SURROUNDINGS:

TALENTS:

TRAVELING:

does not drive must sit in a window seat on cars/trains/airplanes won’t fly won’t take public transportation

#※ ‹ mama put my guns in the ground › headcanon #※ ‹ i am iron man › character reference #※ ‹ i’m a wanted man › queue

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ronaldmrashid · 5 years

Text

Mental Illness Deserves A Sick Day Just Like A Physical Illness

What’s great about America is that we’ve got a highly productive workforce that grinds like no other. We invent some of the greatest products and consistently build some of the largest companies in the world.

What’s sad about America is that we’re working ourselves to an early death. We pride ourselves on working double digit work hours a day. We pack our schedules to the brim and never give ourselves a break.

I’m guilty of adopting the “always be grinding” mentality because I landed a a dream job in New York City after college and then migrated to San Francisco, another hyper-competitive city. I didn’t want to take my luck for granted, so I tended to constantly push myself to the limit.

Even after I left full-time work in 2012 after 13 years of 60-80-hour work weeks, I still wanted to keep the intensity up with my writing on Financial Samurai. I was free to kick back and do whatever thanks to passive income, but I refused to live a life of leisure after the first six months of freedom.

Needless self-imposed pressures are why so many of us aren’t as happy as we should be. As soon as I let go of my perennial goals of outperforming the S&P and reaching ever higher website growth, I started to feel happier.

Accept Your Mental Illness

Nobody bats an eye if you tell them you’re planning on taking several days off because you’ve come down with the flu or some nasty bacteria. Falling physically ill is normal, especially if you’ve got little ones running around.

But nobody comes out and admits they have a mental illness that’s keeping them down. Yet I argue we all experience some sort of mental illness at some point in our lives.

I come down with a mental illness at least once a year.

Sometimes I get depressed about how unfair life is. My depression always focuses on why some people have so much opportunity, while other people have so little opportunity.

I go through a guilt phase where I often ask, why me? During this time period, I have no desire to hang out with anyone. I start thinking wild ideas like relocating to Virginia over Hawaii because I need a certain amount of suffering to feel more worthy.

While living in Malaysia, one of my friend’s died in a car accident at age 15. He lost control and rammed into a tree off the highway. Yes, he legally wasn’t allowed to drive, but we were irreverent in Kuala Lumpur. The passenger in the front seat didn’t survive either.

We were skateboard buddies from different schools who would hang out over the weekend. He was one of the coolest kids around and I wanted to go out with him to the club that night, but he ignored me because I was only 13.

The next day, I called Mark to ask whether he wanted to hang out. I will always remember his mother’s voice telling me he had passed away.

I have survivor’s guilt. I’ve learned that one of the best ways of overcoming this mental condition is to journal my thoughts and be useful to others. Over the years, no other activity has helps me more.

The reason why I started Financial Samurai in July 2009 was due to extreme anxiety and fear that I was going to lose everything I spent 10 years building up until the financial crisis.

I had nightmares of having to go back to work flipping burgers at McDonald’s for a tyrant manager. As a result, perhaps I am more sensitive to financial loss than the average person.

Through my posts and now through the Financial Samurai Forum, I’ve found a supportive community that acts as my supplemental mental health care system. Over the years, so many folks have reached out to share similar thoughts.

Take Sick Days For Your Mental Health

When I advised employees to take sick days instead of PTO in my post, Using Vacation Days Before A Severance Negotiation, I expected some readers to question my advice given our grinding society.

Here are a couple negative responses,

“Your suggestion of using sick days in lieu of vacation days is a gray area. Some companies have policies which theoretically forbid that. Or, if you use a certain amount of sick days in a row (say 3 or more) you have to get a doctors note. Personally, I wouldn’t want to be relaxing on the beach in Hawaii having to call my boss each day pretending to be sick.“

“Taking a sick day when I am not sick? Sorry, my moral code won’t let me go there. A day’s pay used to be worth a couple of grand, that is significant, but the price of my word, that is nonnegotiable, or priceless, if it is a Visa commercial. And if the company is being evil, well, that’s on them, I’m fine with fighting but I only fight fair regardless of how someone else fights. What anyone else does, not my problem, what I do, I have to live with that guy.“

To a manager or CEO, these responses are music to their ears. Their goal is to have employees be max loyal to the firm, while they enrich themselves with max reward.

What the commenters don’t recognize is the importance of taking sick days to improve one’s mental health. Their automatic assumption is that sick days are only for physical illnesses, which is a big blind spot.

I used to work at a firm that allowed a three-month sabbatical for every five years of work. Unfortunately, no manager ever took a sabbatical, which meant that nobody else took a sabbatical out of fear of getting a crap bonus or worse.

But after my 8th year at the firm, I decided to take a step towards living a more balanced life by taking all my vacation days. For the last three years at my old firm, I took six weeks off a year and loved it. I stopped giving a crap about what others thought.

Interestingly, while I took six weeks off a year, my production improved. Unfortunately, my firm didn’t properly compensate me for my production. But instead of complaining, I negotiated a severance.

Types Of Mental Illnesses

Perhaps you still have doubts about how common mental illness really is. Well here is an infographic that puts together many mental health issues. I’ve written most of them out since there are so many and the graph is so small.

Types Of Anxiety

Agora

PTSD

OCD

Acute Stress Disorder

Adjustment Disorder

Substance Induced

Separation Anxiety

Selective Mutism

Caffeine Induced

Androphobia (fear of men)

Panic

Social

Generalized

Types Of Schizophrenia

Schizoaffective

Paranoid

Brief Psychotic

Schizophrenium

Delusional

Shared Psychotic

Disorganized/ Hebephrenia

Cenesthopathic

Types Of Eating Disorders

Anorexia Nervosa

Bulimia Nervosa

Binge Eating

Eating Disorder Not Other Specified (EDNOS)

Atypical

Purging

Night/Nocturnal

Orthorexia

Pica

Types Of Self Harm

Cutting

Carving

Using Objects (kicking or punching a wall)

Scratching

Picking

Ripping Skin off

Promiscuity

Burning

Hair Pulling

Rubbing objects on the skin

Misusing or Abusing Alcohol or drugs

Eating Disorders

Suicide Attempt

Law Breaking

Poisoning with toxic chemicals

Excessive exercise

Multiple piercings and/or tattoos

Overspending money

Types of ADD/ADHD

Inattentive

Hyperactive-Impulsive

Classic ADD

Overfocused ADD

Temporal Lobe ADD

Limbic ADD

Ring of Fire ADD

Anxious ADD

Types of Addiction

Alcoholism

Drugs

Nicotine

Food

Gambling

Internet

Sexual

Shopping

Work

Video Games

Plastic Surgery

OTC Medications

Arson

People Pleasing

Perfectionism

Sick Days Are Built Into Your Compensation Package

Not utilizing your sick days or PTO or not taking unemployment benefits is foolish because they are part of your compensation package. Your employer pays unemployment insurance, which directly affects your compensation.

Don’t be a proud ignoramus like me who only took maybe 15 sick days after 11 years of service, when I was allotted 77 sick days. Definitely don’t be one of those people who hoard their PTO and actually lose some of their days because they exceeded the carryover limit.

Take your sick days, take your vacation days, use short-term disability and long-term disability when needed.

You don’t feel bad about your employer subsidizing most of your healthcare costs. So why should you feel bad about taking sick days?

If your employer gets around the unpaid PTO issue by offering unlimited PTO, your mission is to take more PTO, especially if you are planning to do something else. Test the the word “unlimited.” So long as you’re hitting your performance metrics, you should be fine.

We’re in a tight labor market folks. The very least you can do is take advantage of all your benefits. And for goodness sake, let’s all accept that mental illness affects us all in some way.

Once you embrace the ubiquity of mental illness, you will develop more empathy for those whom you find uncomfortable.

Related: Using The Family Medical Leave Act To Negotiate A Severance

Readers, why doesn’t society do a better job at recognizing mental illnesses? Why do some people feel embarrassed or conflicted about taking sick days or PTO? Have people been conditioned this badly to not recognize their benefits?

The post Mental Illness Deserves A Sick Day Just Like A Physical Illness appeared first on Financial Samurai.

from https://www.financialsamurai.com/mental-illness-deserves-a-sick-day-just-like-a-physical-illness/

#Financial Samurai

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indyflanery · 6 years

Text

personality quirks

BELIEFS:

agrees completely with the beliefs of a single philosopher/person

believes all religions are cults

believes animals do not have souls

believes being homosexual is a choice

believes conspiracy theories about politics, historical events, etc.

believes everyone goes to heaven when they die

believes in aliens

believes in an afterlife

believes in demonic possession

believes in ghosts/spirits

believes in karma

believes in reincarnation

believes in superheroes

believes in supernatural/mythical creatures (werewolves, vampires, mermaids, etc.)

believes in the Illuminati

believes one gender is better than the other

believes one race or culture is better than another

believes the moon gives him special powers

believes that watching/not watching a sporting event profoundly affects the outcome

believes the world will end soon

carries a “lucky” item with them everywhere

doesn’t believe in mental illness

fights for animal rights

fights for gender equality

fights for human rights

fights for the legalisation of marijuana/other drugs

fights for marriage equality

hates conflict

is a Mormon

is Amish

is an atheist/agnostic

is always trying to recruit people to their religion/philosophical beliefs

is apathetic about politics

is extremely passionate about a certain political issue

is extremely politically conservative

is extremely politically liberal

is extremely superstitious

meditates

practices voodoo

refuses to hurt any animal, including insects

CLOTHING:

always has change in their pockets

always has untied shoelaces

always wears a cap or hat

always wears a jacket, even in summer

always wears shorts, even in winter

always wears sunglasses, even indoors

cannot resist the urge to steal clothing whenever they go to a clothing store

cannot wear a certain colour

doesn’t use a wallet

doesn’t wear a watch

only owns one or two pairs of shoes

only wears a certain colour

only wears t-shirts and jeans

owns an outrageous amount of shoes

refuses to get rid of old clothing

refuses to wear shoes

wears colorful socks

wears lots of bracelets

wears mismatched socks

wears multiple watches set to different time zones

wears only clothing of the opposite sex

wears only new socks

COUNTING:

counts ceiling tiles

counts cracks in the sidewalk

counts money in pockets once a day

counts own teeth

counts stairs

counts steps taken while walking

DIAGNOSED DISORDERS/SYMPTOMS:

experiences anxiety when alone

experiences anxiety when in social situations

experiences episodes of depression

experiences episodes of mania

experiences panic attacks

has a compulsive disorder

has a learning disability

has an eating disorder not otherwise specified (EDNOS)

has anorexia

has Asperger’s Syndrome

has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)

has bipolar disporder

has borderline personality disorder (BPD)

has bulimia

has delusions of grandeur

has depression

has epilepsy

has generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)

has insomnia

has narcolepsy

has obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)

has post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

has schizophrenia

has seizures

has selective mutism

has senesthesia

hears voices

is a pathological liar

uses braces/crutches

uses a wheelchair

self-diagnoses

self-harms by bruising

self-harms by burning

self-harms by cutting

ENTERTAINMENT/HOBBIES:

attends over 50 concerts per year

belongs to a book club

belongs to a fan club

blogs

boxes

brings camera everywhere

busks (performs in public for money)

can’t sleep after watching horror movies

collects boxes

collects business cards

collects buttons

collects celebrity trash

collects flyers

collects insects

collects packs of playing cards

collects postcards

collects stamps

collects stuffed animals

collects ticket stubs to everything

creates cartoons

creates comics

creates inventions

creates short films

crochets

dances competitively

designs cars

designs clothing

doodles on everything

embroiders

enjoys hiking

enjoys plays on words

enjoys jigsaw puzzles

enjoys jokes with puns

enjoys word puzzles

fire-breathes

freestyle raps

gardens

gets headaches while listening to a certain type/genre of music

has a black belt in karate

has an obsession with a particular TV show, series, film, or franchise

has seen a particular musical artist live over 50 times

hates the outdoors

hunts animals

is a hacker

is always reading

is in a band

juggles

keeps a Rubik’s cube with them at all times

keeps up with the weather obsessively

knits

lip-synchs

loves board games

loves camping

loves memorising lists

loves playing practical jokes

loves the outdoors

loves to hide and scare people

makes dioramas/models

makes greeting cards

makes podcasts

makes robots

mixes music

only listens to a certain genre of music

only listens to a certain musical artist

only watches court TV

only watches reality shows

paints

plays a musical instrument

plays a team sport

plays with fire

practices archery

practices calligraphy

practices magic

practices metal working

practices miming

practices mixed martial arts (MMA)

practices taxidermy

practices water sports

practices wood working

practices yoga

plays a team sport

plays “geeky” games that require a paid subscription such as World of Warcraft

plays poker

plays video games

randomly wanders around/gets lost when bored

reads books chapter by chapter backwards

rides BMX

rides horses

rock climbs

runs

scrapbooks

secretly makes graffiti on public property

self-publishes a magazine

sings well

skateboards

sketches

skiis

swims

swordfights

takes pictures of everything

teaches aerobics classes

teaches art classes

teaches dance classes

vlogs

volunteers

wrestles

writes academic articles

writes essays

writes fan fiction

writes novels

writes to a penpal

FEARS:

has a miscellaneous phobia

is afraid of or hates a certain colour

is afraid of animals

is afraid of dogs

is afraid of heights

is afraid of house cats

is afraid of insects

is afraid of snakes

is agoraphobic

is claustrophobic

is constantly paranoid

FOOD/DRINK:

always chews gum

always has to be snacking on something

cannot drink anything with ice in it

cannot mix food

cannot pour anything without spilling

doesn’t drink alcohol

doesn’t drink non-“diet” soft drinks

doesn’t drink soft drinks

doesn’t eat green things

dumpster-dives

eats counter-clockwise/clockwise around plate

eats only cold food

eats only hot food

has tea in the afternoon

is allergic to nuts

is allergic to strawberries

is lactose intolerant

is strongly susceptible to ‘brain freeze’

is vegan

is vegetarian

is unable to digest proteins correctly

keeps kosher

must be holding a cup to feel comfortable talking to strangers

must chew food a certain number of times

must clean plate

must drink coffee or tea to “wake up”

must leave some food left over

obsessively loves a certain food or flavour

only eats free food

only drinks from paper, plastic, or styrofoam cups

only drinks water

saves fluid to drink after the meal

then dining out, always tidies up the table, lines up the silverware, and resets the condiments

HEALTH:

brushes teeth more than 10 times a day

drinks alcohol excessively when alone

drinks alcohol excessively when around others

drinks alcohol excessively when in public

drinks a lot of water

doesn’t brush teeth

doesn’t sweat

habitually coughs/clears throat even when healthy

habitually sniffles even when healthy

has a large visible scar

has allergies

is colourblind

is gassy

is hearing-impaired

is vision-impaired

must hum while brushing teeth

uses drugs recreationally

smokes cigarettes

smokes marijuana

sneezes loudly

sneezes many times in a row

sweats profusely

wears a retainer

wears braces

wears contact lenses

wears glasses (will soon)

wears headgear

works out/goes to the gym excessively

HOME:

has only white furniture

has many pets

is “organised chaos”

lives with only required furniture (no lounge chairs or extra lamps)

MOVEMENT/PHYSICAL QUIRKS:

always feels dirty

always knows what direction they are going

always stands with feet apart

always stands with hands behind their back

always shreds random pieces of paper/napkins

avoids eye contact

blinks repeatedly

bites lip

bites nails

cannot keep still

cannot walk straight

chews straws

chews toenails

constantly adjusts clothing

constantly adjusts glasses

constantly bumps into or knocks over things

constantly checks phone

constantly squints

cracks neck/back

cracks knuckles

easily sunburned

fidgets constantly

has a beard

has a bouncy walk

has a moustache

has a noticeable birthmark

has a spitting image doppleganger

has a terrible sense of direction

has an eye twitch

has body piercings

has brightly coloured hair

has extremely hairy arms

has facial piercings

has tatoos

has terrible handwriting

hates being touched

hates to hug

is always touching their face

is an extremely fast walked

is an extremely slow walker

is bald

is double-jointed

is early to everything

is left-handed

is extremely clumsy

is extremely flexible

is extremely ticklish

is late to everything

loves to hug

must avoid all cracks in the sidewalk

must step on all cracks in the sidewalk

picks nose

picks skin

plays with hair

pulls on earrings

regularly looks up at the sky, sun, or moon

shifts weight from foot to foot

skips tiles while walking

taps foot when bored or nervous

taps pen on surface

tends to drag feet

tips head when listening/thinking

walks in the middle of the aisle or sidewalk so others can’t get around them

walks with a limp

whistles

winks without realising

SLEEP:

goes to bed after 4 am

goes to bed at sunrise

goes to bed at sunset

sleeps during the day

sleeps less than 3 hours

sleeps without blankets

sleeps without sheets

sleep-cooks

sleep-talks

sleep-walks

takes sleeping pills

wakes up at 3 am

wakes up after noon

SPEECH/CONVERSING:

accidentally makes innuendoes without realising it

always answers a question with a question

always gives the vaguest possible answer to questions

always laughs at own jokes

always lets out a nervous laugh before speaking

always quotes things incorrectly

brings up/uses Internet memes/lingo

constantly quotes favourite movies

corrects others’ grammar

curses constantly

doesn’t talk much

doesn’t understand sarcasm

easily distracted in conversation

ends declarative sentences with interrogative inflection

flirts with everyone

gets angry when someone mispronounces a word or pronounces it differently than them

goes off on tangents

gossips constantly

has a catchphrase they use whenever possible

has a distinct accent

has a lisp

has a stutter

has an unusually high-pitched laugh

has an unusually low-pitched laugh

has an unusually high-pitched voice

has an unusually low-pitched voice

has to touch whoever they are speaking to

hates quiet pauses in conversation

hates slang

hesitates before speaking

interrupts

is a terrible listener

is easily impressed

is extremely gullible and falls for even the most obvious sarcasm

is extremely sarcastic

knows a foreign language

laughs at everything

laughs to self randomly or for no reason

makes conversations always turn to a peculiar topic

mutters things under their breath

narrates their life aloud

never speaks unless spoken to

never uses contractions

pauses a lot while speaking

plays dumb

puts others down constantly

randomly bursts into song

reacts exaggeratedly to everything

regularly mispronounces words

refuses to curse

says “like” a lot

says “right?” a lot

says ‘um’ or ‘uh’ a lot

says “you know” a lot

sees a dirty/sexual reference in everything

spaces out and stares when someone is talking for a while

speaks in third person

speaks out of the corner of their mouth

speaks with poetic flair

talks to animals

talks to inanimate objects

talks to self

talks very loudly

talks very quietly

tells “stories” with no point or conclusion

tells the truth/is brutally honest no matter what

uses abbreviations whenever possible

uses bad puns whenever possible

uses big words to impress others

uses lots of metaphors

uses pet names for everyone

uses poor grammar

uses slang whenever possible

yawns a lot

SURROUNDINGS:

claustrophobic

easily cold

easily overheated

gets uncomfortable in a place with little to no places to sit down

gets uncomfortable in a place with no windows

must sit next to a wall

prefers to sit on the arm of chairs or couches rather than the seat

TALENTS:

can identify any plant

can quote nearly any movie or TV show

can solve a difficult sudoku in under 5 minutes

can solve a Rubik’s cube in under a minute

can speak in a cartoon voice that sounds nothing like their real voice

can talk with their mouth closed

dances well

draws well

generally lucky

good at card games

good at card tricks

good at hair-braiding

is an expert with a certain type of film

is an expert with a certain type of music

knows how to code websites

knows how to shoot a gun accurately

knows how to sew

knows lots of useless trivia

sings well

TRAVELING:

does not drive

must sit in a window seat on cars/trains/airplanes

won’t fly

won’t take public transportation

#headcanon #my op compiled a crazy list #but thorough

0 notes

scvietassassin · 6 years

Text

memes for extremes

+headcanons

Bold what applies Italicize what applies sometimes or in some verses Regular text what rarely applies or only in few verses Strikethrough what never applies

under cut for length

BELIEFS:

agrees completely with the beliefs of a single philosopher/person believes all religions are cults believes animals do not have souls believes being homosexual is a choice believes conspiracy theories about politics, historical events, etc. believes everyone goes to heaven when they die believes in aliens believes in an afterlife believes in demonic possession believes in ghosts/spirits believes in karma believes in reincarnation believes in superheroes believes in supernatural/mythical creatures (werewolves, vampires, mermaids, etc.) believes in the Illuminati believes one gender is better than the other believes one race or culture is better than another believes the moon gives him special powers believes that watching/not watching a sporting event profoundly affects the outcome believes the world will end soon carries a “lucky” item with them everywhere doesn’t believe in mental illness fights for animal rights fights for gender equality fights for human rights fights for the legalisation of marijuana/other drugs fights for marriage equality hates conflict is a Mormon is Amish is an Atheist is always trying to recruit people to their religion/philosophical beliefs is apathetic about politics is extremely passionate about a certain political issue is extremely politically conservative is extremely politically liberal is extremely superstitious meditates practices voodoo refuses to hurt any animal including insects

CLOTHING:

COUNTING:

counts ceiling tiles counts cracks in the sidewalk counts money in pockets once a day counts own teeth counts stairs counts steps taken while walking

DIAGNOSED DISORDERS/SYMPTOMS:

ENTERTAINMENT/HOBBIES:

attends over 50 concerts per year belongs to a book club belongs to a fan club blogs boxes brings camera everywhere busks (performs in public for money) can’t sleep after watching horror movies collects boxes collects business cards collects buttons collects celebrity trash collects flyers collects insects collects packs of playing cards collects postcards collects stamps collects stuffed animals collects ticket stubs to everything creates cartoons creates comics creates inventions creates short films crochets dances competitively designs cars designs clothing doodles on everything embroiders enjoys hiking enjoys plays on words enjoys jigsaw puzzles enjoys jokes with puns enjoys word puzzles fire-breathes freestyle raps gardens gets headaches while listening to a certain type/genre of music has a black belt in karate has an obsession with a particular TV show, series, film, or franchise has seen a particular musical artist live over 50 times hates the outdoors hunts animals is a hacker is always reading is in a band juggles keeps a Rubik’s cube with them at all times keeps up with the weather obsessively knits lip-syncs loves board games loves camping loves memorising lists loves playing practical jokes loves the outdoors loves to hide and scare people makes dioramas/models makes greeting cards makes podcasts makes robots mixes music only listens to a certain genre of music only listens to a certain musical artist only watches court TV only watches reality shows paints plays a musical instrument plays a team sport plays with fire practices archery practices calligraphy practices magic practices metal working practices miming practices mixed martial arts (MMA) practices taxidermy practices water sports practices wood working practices yoga plays “geeky” games that require a paid subscription such as World of Warcraft plays poker plays video games randomly wanders around/gets lost when bored reads books chapter by chapter backwards rides BMX rides horses rock climbs runs scrapbooks secretly makes graffiti on public property self-publishes a magazine sings well skateboards sketches skiis swims swordfights takes pictures of everything teaches aerobics classes teaches art classes teaches dance classes vlogs volunteers wrestles writes academic articles writes essays writes fan fiction writes novels writes to a penpal

FEARS:

FOOD/DRINK:

HEALTH:

HOME:

has only white furniture has many pets is “organised chaos” lives with only required furniture (no lounge chairs or extra lamps)

MOVEMENT/PHYSICAL QUIRKS:

SLEEP:

SPEECH/CONVERSING:

SURROUNDINGS:

TALENTS:

TRAVELING:

does not drive must sit in a window seat on cars/trains/airplanes won’t fly won’t take public transportation

#headcanons.#{ this was helpful today }

0 notes

anything-advice-blog · 6 years

Text

[TIME SENSITIVE / URGENT] toxic friend

i kno u guys must get like thousands of messages and im so sorry for cluttering ur inbox and pushing this to the front of the line but im just. desperate and really scared and i need to know what 2 do abt this as soon as possible!!! also as a preface i apologize in advance if some of the way i word things in this come off as offensive or incorrect, etc - i truly, genuinely do not mean any harm so please feel free to correct me if i say something that isnt okay!!! also this is REALLY scattered and mega long so bear with me im really sorry! (also im so. so scared the person in question is gonna see this o H MY GOD so i may need to message this blog again asking for this post to be taken down maybe bc im really paranoid im so sorry!! i hope thats ok but i just dont want to risk her seeing this if this all blows up in my face ohrkjdghkjghfdgj!!!) (TW: SUICIDE MENTION, SELF HARM MENTION)

ok so. almost 2 years ago in early 2016 this girl i’d never met before drew me this incredible gift art for my birthday. we started talking and we found out we have a lot of things in common - we both draw and write, we’re just a few months apart from each other in age, we have similar interests and fandoms, n we live less than an hour away from each other and are one state away from one another - so we immediately hit it off n became super close friends. she was amazingly talented n super friendly and nice n stuff so i wanted 2 be friends w her anyways!!!!! @ the time she was in an online relationship with someone several years older than her who lived across the country, and she mentioned a few times she was feeling unhappy and insecure in that relationship and that long distance was really difficult but she was too devoted to her partner to break it off. the most important thing 2 note is that my friend has several severe untreated mental illnesses (depression, anxiety, ocd among others), regularly self harms, and is suicidal. im pretty sure im neurotypical (or at least i definitely am not suicidal / depressed, etc), so while i couldnt relate to a lot of the things she was going through, i always tried to be a listening ear to her and give her advice / support when i could because i knew she was going through a lot of rough stuff. she told me she doesnt have any friends in real life, her parents are separated and her family does not support her or even really know / care about her mental health, and she can’t access any professional help from teachers / counselors / therapists due to her severe anxiety and financial issues for some of the latter options listed. as her relationship with her partner began to crumble, i started bearing a lot of the weight of her struggles - she would vent to me and i would always have to be there for her to support her. i told myself that because she was mentally ill and didnt have any support i would take on that role so she wouldnt have to suffer. over the summer of 2016 she almost attempted suicide like…. twice??? and i talked her out of it and it was terrifying and really exhaustimg to constantly be worried about her.

then almost a year ago, in the winter of 2016, she started getting… clingy? we started talking a lot more and i didnt really get like any bad vibes from her but we were pretty much joined @ the hip and stuff and we started telling each other all of our secrets (so this is when i found out her relationship with her girlfriend was starting to crumble, which i didnt previously know) also she started constantly drawing me stuff??? like Drowning me in gift art and i felt really bad for not being able to reciprocate but she told me not to worry and that she used art as a coping method and stuff. at this time, i was going through some stuff too - obviously not as severe as depression / self harming, etc, but i had just gotten out of an almost-relationship with someone i knew from school, and i was doing my best to distance myself from romance in general since i didnt feel mature or confident enough to be in a romantic relationship yet. i told my friend that i was uncomfortable about the prospect of being in a romantic relationship and she seemed to understand.

anyways right around my birthday this year she revealed to me that she was madly in love with me (???!!?!?!?!?!!?!!?). mind you we had never even talked to each other / video called or ANything like that and we had only sent each other One (1) selfie and. it made me really uncomfortable because she said that like i was her moon and stars and her whole world and everything and she constantly dreamed of me??? and that she had been secretly like writing me love poetry and drawing me Even More Art i didnt even know about and…… it was. really overwhelming. it bothered me for so many reasons besides the fact that we had never communicated outside of like chatting / sending messages back nd forth like…. ok she was still in that long distance relationship at the time even though it was crumbling, and she KNEW!!! that i was uncomfortable about romance but she told me anyways and stuff!!!!!! and AHHH it was just really bad. so i panicked over it for a day or two because i was scared that if i Firmly Said No that she would spiral into a depressive episode and actually fatally harm this time but i wrote her this huge long letter letting her down very, very, VERY gently and apologizing for ever leading her on and stuff. and. she never actually wrote back to that letter or told me that it was okay???? which….. should have been a red flag 2 me but. we moved on as friends even though we did this conscious of the fact that she still loved me like that and i didnt feel the same way. looking back on it i regret it so much because i told her that like i would Always Be There For Her Forever and stuff and??? gfkjhgk yeah it wasnt a good time.

its been almost a year since then. in the spring i got my first smartphone and we added each other on a lot of social media stuff including snapchat and moved all our conversations there, then we decided to call each other and exchange phone numbers and see how that worked. i didnt really think much of it and was excited to hear her voice and have a conversation with her but…….. suddenly that one call turned into two and two turned into three and within a few weeks we were calling each other like All The Time (at least once a week if not more) and like making these really fucking elaborate schedules to call each other????? WHICH LIKE i dont think is a normal thing friends do idk if im wrong but!!!!! i literally call None of my other friends except for her, and a lot of that is bc i actually get really anxious and uncomfortable talking on the phone?? (also not to mention my mom doesnt really like me talking on the phone either….) but i never really told her that it made me uncomf or that it was difficult to mnge like i guess it just kinda.. Happened and became the norm. so now on top of constantly messaging each other multiple times a day now we were calling frequently too and there was suddenly a lot more pressure in our relationship because i had to stress out over making a large amount of time in my day to talk to her. i graduated high school this spring and having to balance the extreme emotional load of that major change with like… suddenly having to fall all over myself to make time to talk to this girl i didnt even really know?? was just really bad and i regret it so much because i feel like i missed out on fully experiencing it i guess. im really really passive and im TERRIFIED of confrontation and i dont like saying no to people or telling them if im uncomfortable because They Will Get Mad At Me and it was especially worse bc of my friend’s mental health and so she and i would talk for hours on end because i was afraid that if i got tired and ended the conversation without a legitimate excuse she would get mad at me and hurt herself. since we could fit way more conversation into like… long long hours of talking and talking, we ended up like. just telling each other literally Everything and she “eventually” fell out of love with me and started trying to meet people who she actually knew irl to date!! which was. kinda good bc she met this one girl and they hit it off but then it turns out she was just….. queerbaiting my friend??? which Sucked so that obviously didnt work out. and then she met another girl on this dating app and they started going out and my friend started talking to me less for a little while. it turns out though……. that my friend’s new girlfriend lives in my town??? like i dont know her but bc of that my friend and i almost met in person bc the two of them met up and went out together and stuff and they were gonna drop by and see me but that didnt work out. im getting off topic here but my point is……… she told me she wasnt in love with me anymore and she started seeing other people.

sadly she and her gf recently broke up. their relationship was also really unhealthy just like…… All Of Her Relationships and that other girl broke up with my friend because she said she needed space (she was depressed too and needed to recover and my friend was being too clingy and attention seeking and stuff so she just ended it in the middle of the night over text.) ofc ive stuck around for all of this and my friend has vented about every tiny detail of this relationship to me and its…. been So Stressful. now that shes single again she’s more depressed than ever - over the summer when she was dating that other girl she stopped self harming but she started again when their relationship started going south and now im really scared she’s gonna hurt herself, esp bc she tried to commit suicide again a few months ago which was terrifying. also another thing thats made me REALLY uncomfortable!!!!!!!! is that she Keeps Bringing Up the fact that she was in love with me whenever we talk on the phone??? like Every Single Time We Talk, Without Fail. even when she was talking abt her new gf with me sh was like. comparing her attraction to her gf to her attraction to Me and talking abt how they were similar and different and. i never had the guts to tell her it bothered me but god it just does So So Much!!!!! because we were never in a real relationship and she doesnt even really know me KDSJFHKHGAHHH im rambling so much this makes no sense at all and this is so long im so sorry ahhhh but im… Stressed!

so….. we’re running up on two years since we’ve met and one year since she told me she loved me. im in college now and she’s still in high school, and she’ll be i college next year too. again, i dont think that im depressed or mentally ill, but ive been struggling a LOT with the adjustment from hs to college and its been really really rough on me emotionally. now that my friend is single she’s been solely relying on me and trying to get me to call her multiple times a week because she needs the extra support now that she doesnt have her girlfriend anymore… but she doesnt seem to understand that i i just dont have enough time or energy to give all of myself to her and fall all over myself to make her feel better, especially when i already feel suffocated by her to begin with AND when im suppposed to be starting this new life and putting all of my focus into that. we’re mutuals on every single social media i have and i feel like im constantly being crushed by guilt whenever i do anything for myself or post stuff bc she can see what im doing constantly. and like she asked me to turn my read receipts on when we started moving from snapchat to texting and i have them turned off regularly so i did and it was really uncomfortable. i keep bending myself over backwards to mke sure im making her happy bc im all she has left.

neither of us have good relationships with our moms and so we’re always sneaking around to call each other and lately ive been calling her at school because obviously my mom isnt there and its less of a hassle to sneak around her and and talk……. but its a double edged sword bc i keep having to isolate myself and skip clubs / studying / hanging out with friends and socializing to talk to her and listen to her vent and its just so exhausting and i feel like im starting to seriously fall behind in other areas of my life im supposed to be getting better in. its hard enough adjusting to this and missing high school and stuff and trying to learn how to be an adult and be independent, and having her weight over my shoulders just is making things so much worse. but if i tell her that she’s choking me she’ll hurt herself (she’s literally said to me, Multiple Times (and recently!!!) that if it werent for me she’d be dead by now or she would kill herself and stuff and im the only thing she’s living for at this point. which. i dont know how to feel about that). i feel so trapped and i can’t say or do anything that indicates that im uncomfortable because she’ll get mad at me and make these passive agressive little side comments or do these alarmed emoticons and stuff or give me the silent treatment for a day or two (which is always scary bc like its Good when she’s not talking to me but when she doesnt im scared that something horrible happened to her!!!!!) and its just. god. ive started lying to her and coming up with fake excuses to get out of calling her because the thought of having to go isolate myself in these empty courtyards or nooks and crannies of my college campus is growing more and more uncomfortable and terrifying to me and i just cant fucking be honest about it because i suck. when i talk on the phone with her i have to be really fake and smiley and stuff and all she does is ramble about how horrible things are going for her and then i have to try and give advice when i just am so bad at talking and socializing already and im dealing w my own stuff and its… Awful. im so so weighed down by this nd i know that if she knew she’s being a…. b*rden to me right now she would be devastated and harm herself and stuff so i cant say anything and im spiraling out of control with THI s but you get the point im just really uncomfortable Always!!!! and i feel like my own emotions are completely 100000% inferior to hers because she’s gone through so much more than me and stuff???? and idk if thats True or if its just the way i feel but i just cant do anything around her bc shes like a ticking time bomb and anything i feel or try to do to protect myself from getting hurt will be selfish bc shes hurting way mre than me!!!!!!!!

anyways her birthday just happened a couple weeks ago and i bought her a tiny present and drew her somehting (i felt super guilty about not doing More for it though because shes done so much for me and also literally nobody except me remembered her birthday, not even really her own family). i havent mailed it to her yet (i told her i would send it this weekend, which is why this is marked as urgent) but we just exchanged addresses for the first time so now she not only knows my name, my age, what i look like, my Entire Backstory Ft. My Deepest Darkest Secrets, and how to reach me whenever she wants wherever she wants, but now she knows Exactly where i live and where i go to school too lol yay!!! anyways im getting really really anxious because i just had my midterms for college and didnt talk to her for an entire week last week but this happened right after her gf broke up with her and i think shes mad at me for taking a week off of talking to her. we were gonna call again today but i weaseled my way out of it bc it was so overwhelming and now i have to mail her this gift this weekend and my mom and other fmily members are all yelling at me about it and demanding that i just like…. Not Send It To Her because i dont owe her anything and tht i should just cut her off but if i do she’ll hurt herself nd she follows me everywhere and knows all of my secrets and stuff and idk im just scared that if i end our friendship she’ll try to ruin my life!!!! Like i dont think she would be petty like that or turn people against me or anything but she’s so obsessed with giving all of herself to other people nd she’s literally said she cant function without being 100000% devoted to somebody and like even after she’s broken up with all these other girls she still…. is obsessed with them and angsts over them and stuff and she does that with me even though i never even dated her or anything aND ITS JUST bad

like. idk i just really needed to get all of that out and im sorry it was so so so long and i dont even know what to do but i guess i marked this urgent because like. do i send her the present???? should i try to just like quietly distance myself from her real subtly so she wont notice or should i just straight up tell her that i cant breathe around her anymore and i just. really need space??? or like to not be friends anymore even though we know everything about each other??? am i being manipulated or is it jsut All In My Head that our relationship is toxic??? like idk if i shoud even cut her off completely or aNYTHING or if we could like even go on being just acquaintances from now on and saying hi to each other from time to time. and i feel so mean and bad for writin all of thisstuff about her when i know shses so vulnerable and i havent concretely communicated Any discomfort around her so if she saw this she would immediately know it was about her and do something Terrible to herself nd she constantly spams me with memes about depression and wanting to die and like…. blows up my phone with like 50 text messages at once and its just so so so much to worry about and i!!! just!!!!!! cant function like this anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHH!!

anyways that was a huge disorganized mess and im kinda shaking and i dont even think i got all of it down or communicated how trapped and helpless i feel. ive never been in any situation like this before and i hate that she’s…. yeah. she’s really like manipulated me and stuff and i dont know how to get out of it. every time i think about it i feel like bursting into tears because im just so stuck and i dont even know if the way im feeling is even valid or if its all just lke. in my head or something and this is how friends really are Supposed to be because ive never really had a great social life either and my best friends are honestly my brother and sister and they mean everything to me and so i have friends outside of my family but like idk i never like. really was that close with any of them nad stuff nad idk this isnt about me BUT i just uhhh. am kinda crying a little bit and im sorry fo rbeig a big baby about all of this its all my fault for being a Human Doormat and letting people walk all over me nd tellin myself that i can bear that weight when i really have never taken good care of myself before Ever In My Life and stuff. but anyways im gonna stop rambling now and just… to whoever reads this or responds to this or whatever just thank you for hearing me out even if you think im wrong / crazy / Terrible for feeling this way because it just has been so much and i dont know what to do.

Hey there!

There's a lot going on here, but the bottom line seems to be this; you're in a friendship that you don't want to be in, and that you feel is unhealthy for you.

You are not her therapist. You can't fix her, you can't treat her, you can support her, but that's it. You aren't responsible for her. You're forcing yourself to put all this time and energy into something that you're super uncomfortable with, and don't want to be doing, and it's draining you and destroying your own mental health. You have to put yourself first. It's okay to want to help people, but you HAVE to put yourself first, or else you'll burn out and you won't be able to help anybody.

At the very least, you need to talk to her about how you're feeling, and tell her you need to tone down your relationship. What's happening absolutely isn't fair to you. All you can do to help her is your best, and right now, you're not doing your best because you're not taking care of yourself.

I know you're concerned about her hurting herself or killing herself, but you have to understand that you are not responsible for her. If she does something to herself, it's not as a result of your actions. She's traumatized and mentally ill, and those factors are what causes her to hurt herself. Not you. You are not and can not be responsible for her. Period. If she tells you she's going to kill herself or severely hurt herself, you have her address. Call 911 and ask them to dispatch help to her house. She might hate you for it, but an angry person is far, far better than a dead person. That action very well might save her life, and get her the help that she needs, so don't be afraid to do it.

As for the present, it's totally up to you. You did promise it to her, and fulfilling that promise might help you let her down a little bit more gently. At the same time, giving her a permanent reminder of you could hurt her. Maybe you should ask her? Tell her about how you're feeling and that you can't keep going with this intense of a relationship, and have a conversation about that. During that conversation, you could ask if she still wants the present. She might get angry, or it could help soothe her, or maybe she'll have a totally different reaction. It's hard to know.

This conversation is going to be super, super hard. It's going to be hell, quite frankly. She's a super sensitive person, and she's probably not going to take it well. So remember what I said before, about her not being your responsibility, and do a LOT of self care working up to the conversation and after the conversation. I'd recommend making a self care kit, and putting things in it that help calm you down. My personal self care kit contains nice smelling lotion, soft fabric, stuff to play with, gum, tea bags, and notes from friends reminding me that they love me. You could also be texting a friend during the conversation, so that they can reassure you and help talk you through it.

You may not be going through the same things she is, but your feelings and your struggles are valid. You don't need to destroy yourself to help someone that's "worse" than you are. You need to take care of yourself, and keep yourself as healthy as possible. You aren't any less valuable simply because you're not traumatized or self harming. Your mental health is important, and you need to do what's right for you.

I hope this helps!

♥ - Fawn

0 notes

insideoutreflections-blog1 · 7 years

Text

a little background

I guess you can say my story begins all the way back to childhood. I wasn’t always a positive, health conscious person. My diet growing up was highly influenced by fast, processed and sugary foods. This is not to say my parents deprived me the opportunity of a balanced diet, my mom made home cooked meals every day. However, I was a very picky child and most of the time you’d find me sneaking into the kitchen to pour that soup back into the pot, feeding my dog under the table, then over indulging on a box of Toaster Stroodles, Oreos, Pixie Sticks and begging for McDonald’s within the same day. As more obvious consequences now, I suffered with frequent infections, a severely pale/yellow/sick complexion, shifts from extreme fatigue to hyperactivity and digestive upsets. Only later did I come to realize how much this affected both mental and psychical health. Looking back from the earliest memories I can recall, I’ve always struggled with anxiety, paranoia, OCD and self-esteem issues. I remember times where I wouldn’t want to wash my hair for days because I convinced myself the good luck would come out. Then there was the extreme panic attacks whenever my parents left home and the time I pulled out all my eyelashes. My self-esteem was non-existent too, I remember comparing my breathing to others because the way I breathed might’ve been “wrong”. Basically I felt everything I was, was wrong, not good enough and needed to be fixated to the behaviour/characteristics I noticed in others. When it came to my teen year’s diet, psychical and mental health only continued to suffer. I had such a bad addiction to sugar at this point. I would sell my healthy homemade lunches to friends in order to get money for candy in the vending machines at school. I thought of myself as stupid since my grades were low and concentrating in class was extremely difficult, but it never occurred to me I was just facing crashes from my sugar highs. In the winter I would always catch whatever cold was going around too. Socializing was also difficult and I mainly associated with a small group of friends. I felt I needed to hold on to people in my life even if they weren’t necessarily healthy influences, because I found no worth in being myself…my worth was associated to the people I latched onto. I also didn’t feel completely capable making new friends on my own since I always questioned what they saw in me, more often than not I assumed the worst. On January 1st 2012 my dad had a heart attack and from there I slipped into a deeper depression. I felt the world was constantly working against me and I had no control over my own life. I developed a heavy sense of guilt believing his health was a result of my doing, and stronger sense of anxiety for worse to come. As a means to find control I looked to obsessing over my weight, essentially I developed an eating disorder. I started depriving myself of food, over exercising and beginning to isolate myself from things that might’ve interfered with this. I weighed myself almost 20 times a day, before, after and in-between meals. If the weight on the scale was more than expected I would wait hours to eat. My mind was constantly consumed with thoughts of food and weight, it made it easy to block out the rest of my underlying emotions and life circumstances. My lowest weight was 103lbs, you could see the bones in my chest and rib cage, at night I had bad heart palpitations, my hair was starting to fall out and my period stopped too. I remember crying in my room asking myself when will this end, when will I be okay, but having fear tell me this obsession keeps me safe. It took a friends gentle conversation and my mother’s support to really push me into changing. I never sought out professional help, I don’t think I was willing to give up all my sense of control.. so I was kind of just determined in changing by myself. I started to do a lot of basic research on food itself when recovering. I believe this is where my interest in nutrition began. I learned the positive impact it had on our body, especially after implementing it into my life and noticing new hair growth, stronger energy and mental alertness. This is a full story on it’s own. However, something happened a little before the summer of 2013 that set me back. I started to notice my energy gradually dropping from fatigue to extreme exhaustion just walking room to room, I frequently caught infections, my hair was falling out in chunks again, and I was losing weight without trying. My blood test showed I was severely anemic, I regularly got blood transfusions but my body wasn’t absorbing anything. My self-esteem went from a stable 5 percent to 0. I thought I was doing everything right to be healthy. What was happening to me now? What was I doing wrong? Why does the world hate? Shame, Guilt, Fear all these negative emotions amplified in my body. I felt like I was going crazy, I didn’t know what to tell people…let alone what to tell myself. I wanted an answer and solution so bad, but at the same time I was on the verge of giving up completely. On October 19th I got my answer, Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia…in other words cancer. At this point in my life I was ready to die anyways so having something that might potentially kill me didn’t feel like the scariest news, in fact I felt more liberated I had an answer at all. An answer meant hope and that’s all I really needed. I think the state of shock I was in the first few months also made processing the actual situation easy to surpass. Of course, this part of my life isn't something I can fully explain in just a paragraph or two so I’ll give you a glimpse of my experience and its connection to where I am now. Now to say I wasn't at first scared, does not mean this shit was "easy". I had to undergo some radiation and chemotherapy every week, sometimes even twice a week for 2 and 1/2 years. I remember having sores in my mouth making it hard to eat/swallow anything, sometimes my legs burning as though a fire was crawling up my skin, bad digestion and even needing a hip replacement. I think I was used to my body being in a constant sick/tired state so that part felt normal, just a tad more intense. However the hardest part was not the treatments themselves but the emotional roller coaster it put me through, with and without the steroids. Though taking steroids was like having the devil inside me. It not only forced me to push my insecurities through living with a swollen face for months, it really messed with my emotions. The best way to describe this is that I felt everything at once, or I would switch from intense anger, sadness and happiness in a second. But even after getting off them I remember feeling anger as I watched my friends, family and people on social media continue to live what seemed normal, healthy and easy lives. Some days I would feel blessed to have a 2 year "pause" and other times I felt robbed. Sometimes I would get really bad anxiety about the chemicals flooding my body too, I felt like a rat in a lab experiment. Along with support from family, friends and fantastic medical staff what I truly believe helped me get through treatment itself was my growing passion for nutrition. I think going through an eating disorder and recovering from one put me first on the path to pursuing such interest, but this experience really set the stage. I decided to enroll at The Canadian School of Natural Nutrition, where I've now graduated as a Registered Holistic Nutritionist. I learned there is far more than just switching to whole grain bread or adding vegetables to your diet that makes you healthy. I was taught the importance of biochemical individuality, connection between gut and brain, our environments effects on our food and how to support each organ/bodily system…to say the least. I’m so blessed to of had this education because the deeper I dove in the more I implemented into my own life, and I noticed an enormous difference. I ended up with enough energy throughout treatment that I worked 2 jobs at one point while also attending school. My period even came back DURING undergoing chemotherapy, after not having had it for almost 3 years. I was also able to get my protein levels elevated, stopped needing blood transfusions, got off laxatives, and had extremely less symptoms in general. This enhanced state of well-being gave me the motivation to part take in life again, become more social and feel “normal”. When I was 3-4 months from finishing my treatment I was set back again, not psychically but mentally. My mind started throwing up the “what ifs” and “this is too good to be true”. I began feeling overwhelmingly anxious/paranoid about every little sign that might confirm my minds analogue. I thought a headache might indicate a tumour and pimple might mean lupus. I began over analyzing/obsessing over my health, my diet felt like a burden again and I started going crazy with supplements. I felt myself slipping back into my old self. Instead of feeling excited or proud of my strength, I felt terrified. Around this time I started taking a class called “Mind, Body and Spirit” with a teacher named Alla (forever grateful). It truly awakened the process for higher healing, plus deeper understanding of self and health. Basically we learned about different pyscho-spiritual connections to our body and how our mind activity plays a role in well-being. I really resonated with what I was being taught. I realized that though I was putting in a lot of work towards my psychical health with nutrition I was still to a certain degree avoiding the root causes to my mental/emotional stress. There was still a scared little girl from different stages of my life inside me, terrified that the world might turn happiness into disappointment. From there I promised myself to take the next year diving into nurturing my mental health. I didn’t want my limiting beliefs, thoughts and fears stop me from enjoying life. I’ve gone through enough shit and I owed it to myself. Aside from implementing more nutrition geared toward this, I focused a lot on lifestyle. I started reading multiple books on psychology, enlightenment, spirituality and self-help. Instead of resisting my emotions I allowed myself to feel. I found healthy coping mechanisms and tools for self-reflection like writing, drawing and embracing nature. I also put myself through a lot of situations that pushed my comfort zone, I knew the only way towards self-growth was by facing fear head on. It’s been a roller coaster ride of ups and downs to say the least. By doing so I have grown an immense amount of respect for mental health and self-care. There’s definitely more I need to work on I still have my down days and I still get anxious at times, but I know how to pick myself up when I do. I’ve learned to become more patient, loving, forgiving, accepting and present with myself, others and life in general. Some days I feel so much gratitude towards life and joy within myself I just cry or burst into dance, something I wouldn’t have imagined years ago. If I can get to this point in my life, then I know positive change is possible within anyone, anywhere. I really want this website to be a place where I can promote wellness at a holistic perspective. I want to share my experiences, reflections and anything that’s helped me become stronger, healthier and more positive in order to possibly spark the same in anyone else. Remember you are not your life circumstances, appearance, mental/psychical illness, opinions from others, career or material possessions. You are love at your core and deserve to be obnoxiously happy. No matter what life throws at you, you can choose to make light out of it. Love, yo girl viq

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