#god i can’t believe 2015 was 9 years ago

[whimswonders]

Just crying in the corner alone about a movie that came out almost 10 years ago

#it’s #Room 2015 #god i can’t believe 2015 was 9 years ago #it’s just so good #ahrhsjsksg #brie larson #jacob tremblay

[weepingfromacedartree]

Ten Milestones (Interlude): Voicemails

Hi friends!

Another interlude chapter is ready for ya. It's quite different than our standard chapters, so... enjoy :)

Two quick notes:

1. This interlude spans the first five-ish years of Colin’s travels abroad. It starts after the events of Chapter 5 and will lead directly into next chapter.

2. Anytime “…” appears between paragraphs, it’s to indicate that the speaker is pausing for a few seconds.

June 9th, 2015 - 3:23 PM

To: colin ✈️

From: pen ✨✨

Hey! I wanted to call and make sure you landed safely. But I, uh —

[Laughter.]

I think I got the timing wrong. I think you’re still in the air. So just call me back whenever you do land.

…

I still can’t believe you’re really doing this. I mean —

[Nervous laughter.]

Obviously, I can believe it. I just — I can’t wait to hear all about it. 

Bye, Colin. 

~~~~~~~~~~

June 29th, 2015 - 7:07 AM

To: pen ✨✨

From: colin ✈️

Hey, Pen. I just emailed you a few pictures, but um —

[Laughter.]

Did you know there are like a million stray cats roaming around Athens? I swear, there’s at least one on every corner, popping his head out looking for food or attention. But I was just going for a run and — I swear to god — I saw the reincarnation of Mr. Whiskers pissing on an olive tree. This tiny grey fur ball looked up at me and —

…

Wait. Is Mr. Whiskers dead? He would be like twelve now, right? I —

…

Well… In the case that he’s still alive, I think I just saw his long lost Greek cousin. Professor Whiskers, maybe.

[Laughter.]

Alright, Pen. Talk soon. 

~~~~~~~~~~

August 27th, 2015 - 2:13 PM

To: pen ✨✨

From: colin ✈️

Hey, Pen. Just saw your text. Yes, I landed safely. Yes, Madrid is beautiful. No, I have yet to try the paella — but I promise you’ll be the first to receive my review. 

[Laughter.]

I’ll call you later once I get a bit more settled. Bye Pen. 

~~~~~~~~~~

October 18th, 2015 - 9:20 PM

To: colin ✈️

From: pen ✨✨

Hey. I just finished reading over the Italy piece. It was good. Like, really good… But perhaps one too many cheese puns? 

…

Anyway… Call me back when you have the chance. You still haven’t told me about Caffè Florian. [Laughter.] Do they even stock enough sugar for your tea? 

…

Okay, well… Goodnight Colin. 

~~~~~~~~~~

November 23rd, 2015 - 7:39 AM

To: pen ✨✨

From: colin ✈️

Hey, Pen. 

Sorry. I know it’s early. But I also know today is gonna be shit so, uh…

…

Call me later, if you can. 

~~~~~~~~~~

December 16th, 2015 - 10:01 PM

To: pen ✨✨

From: colin ✈️

Hey, Pen. I’m calling from Paris and —

I don’t know why I said that. [Laughter.] Obviously you know I’m in Paris. But, I — I was just watching the tower light up and I had a sudden memory of you telling me you wanted to come here once and I…

…

I could be misremembering. [Faint laughter.] It was a while ago, I think. But I think you’d like it here. I’ll tell you all about it at that surprise Welcome Home/Birthday/Christmas Eve Party that I know absolutely nothing about. 

Night, Pen. See you soon.

~~~~~~~~~~

February 14th, 2016 - 9:27 PM

To: pen ✨✨

From: colin ✈️

Hey, Pen. I hate to admit it, but I am only just now realising that time zones exist and that if it’s 9:30 in New York, it’s…

…

Shit. 2:30 in London.

I apologise for ringing you in the middle of the night —

Actually — no I don’t. If I recall correctly, you’re up writing or reading or procrastinating until at least 3 AM every night anyway. Please call me back ASAP with your own apology for dodging this very important phone call. 

~~~~~~~~~~

April 7th, 2016 - 8:08 PM

To: pen ✨✨

From: colin ✈️

Hey, Pen. I’m on the train heading into Chicago. My computer just died, so I apologise in advance for the stream of consciousness bullshit I’m about to leave for you in this message. But, um…

There’s something about being on this train that has me thinking about travel and distance and —

Good god, this already sounds corny. Sorry. Bear with me a moment. 

…

It wasn’t until I landed in New York that I realised just how far away from home I was. I looked it up, and the city was about five and a half thousand kilometres away from London. I mean — god. I remember being at Eton and thinking 35 kilometres was an insane distance. 

In January, New York was the furthest place I had ever been from home. Then I went to Toronto, and that became the furthest place I had ever been from home. Now I’m heading into Chicago and —

I don’t know. There’s something about being on a train that’s making me hyper-aware of just how fast I’m hurdling forward. How, every second, I’m travelling even further and further away from the pinpoint where I’ll always measure my distances from. I —

[Tired laughter.]

I’m not sure where I’m going with this, honestly. Nonetheless, thank you for lending me your future ear — assuming you actually made it this far. I —

…

Oh ��� I see the city up ahead. Once I get to my hotel, perhaps I can try to turn this bullshit into something a bit less corny. 

I’ll call you tomorrow. Night, Pen. 

~~~~~~~~~~

June 6th, 2016 - 6:15 PM

To: pen ✨✨

From: colin ✈️

Hey, Pen. 

Guess who’s flight just took off without him? I know — shocking, coming from such an experienced traveller such as myself. But my connecting flight was delayed so I really can’t take any of the blame.

…

Anyway… I’m stuck in Terminal E of Logan International, where I’ll likely be spending the next several hours dying from boredom and eating as many bags of crisps as I can get my hands on. If you aren’t too busy, maybe you can call me back and help with the boredom bit. 

Talk soon. 

~~~~~~~~~~

August 7th, 2016 - 12:49 PM

To: colin ✈️

From: pen ✨✨

Hi! I was just looking at your pictures from Cyprus and I —

[Distant clap of thunder.]

Oh. [Laughter.] I was wondering what it’s like to be in beautiful, sunny weather in the middle of the summer. Must be devastating. 

~~~~~~~~~~

September 21st, 2016 - 8:30 AM

To: pen ✨✨

From: colin ✈️

Hey, Pen. I was just reading back your notes on my piece and I’m a little confused about the last one. 

What the fuck does “too many food puns” mean? The only reason I came to Hungary was to capitalise on its pun potential. 

Please call me back ASAP so we can get this sorted.

~~~~~~~~~~

December 24th, 2016 - 12:02 AM

To: pen ✨✨

From: colin ✈️

Hey, Pen. 

Sorry, I know it’s late. But I’m also waiting around doing absolutely nothing, so I thought I would check in. 

I’m still in Sweden. But we’ll, uh — we’ll probably take off in the morning once the snow lets up. I —

…

I can’t believe it’s been six months since I’ve seen you. Since I’ve seen anyone at home. I’m a little worried that I’ll get home tomorrow and find that Greg now towers over me. Hyacinth called me last week just to complain about his latest growth spurt, so…

… 

Oh shit. Sorry — I knew it was late, but I didn’t realise it's already midnight. 

Merry Christmas Eve, then. I suppose it’s still technically the 23rd in London — but I suppose that doesn’t matter much when it comes to voicemails. 

I feel like there’s another commemoration on this date that I’m forgetting. It’s on the tip of my tongue, but it’s so late and I’m just so bloody tired…

…

Oh well. It’ll come back to me. 

Night, Pen. See you soon.  

~~~~~~~~~~

May 3rd, 2017 - 11:50 PM

To: pen ✨✨

From: colin ✈️

Hey, Pen. Sorry. I didn’t realise how late it was. I —

…

Did you know that you can’t sink in the Dead Sea? The water is so dense with salt that your body will just pop up if you try to go under. You could try your absolute hardest to sink to the bottom, and it just wouldn’t let you. 

I think there’s a metaphor in there somewhere. But it’s also very late and I just spent half the night staring at a Word doc and I’m starting to lose my ability to process complex thought. 

…

Fuck it. I’m sending you the first draft now. It’s shit, but if you’re not too busy tomorrow, maybe you can send me your thoughts. And prayers.

…

Alright. Night Pen. 

~~~~~~~~~~

August 24th, 2017 - 10:17 PM

To: colin ✈️

From: pen ✨✨

Hey! Um… 

Daphne wanted me to call and remind you all not to get the groom too drunk the night before his wedding. Fair warning: if you don’t call me back within five minutes to confirm that Simon is still standing upright, she’s prepared to send Eloise in to break up the party. 

~~~~~~~~~~

October 10th, 2017 - 7:54 PM

To: pen ✨✨

From: colin ✈️

Hey, Pen. Just calling ‘cause I wanted to ask if you’ve ever tried pickle soup. It sounds kind of strange but —

[Slurp.]

Good god. It’s bloody delicious. Absolutely recommend. 

[Slurp.]

Talk soon. 

~~~~~~~~~~

December 31st, 2017 - 10:58 PM

To: pen ✨✨

From: colin ✈️

Hey, Pen. At the risk of sounding extremely needy… 

You’re still coming tonight, right? God knows who invited her, but Cressida Cowper is here and she keeps handing me tequila shots and I really don’t —

…

Oh shit! There you a—

~~~~~~~~~~

January 19th, 2018 - 2:30 PM

To: colin ✈️

From: pen ✨✨

Hi! Just wanted to call and see how Sydney’s treating you so far. Is it weird to be experiencing summer in the middle of January? 

[Laughter.] 

Anyway… Call me back when you have the chance. 

~~~~~~~~~~

April 20th, 2018 - 5:58 PM

To: pen ✨✨

From: colin ✈️

Hey! Good news — the baby’s here! In worse, but also extremely funny news…

Apparently El walked in while Daphne was pushing. Mum said her face literally went white before doubling over onto the floor. I —

…

Actually, I should probably go and check on her. I think they’re treating her for a concussion as we speak. 

See you soon. 

~~~~~~~~~~

May 24th, 2018 - 4:44 PM

To: colin ✈️

From: pen ✨✨

Hey! Sorry — can you call me back when you have the chance? I know we’re supposed to get lunch tomorrow, but Danbury just called and asked if I could come in tomorrow about the columnist position and I know we already had to postpone, but I’m worried I —

[Sigh.]

Sorry. 

[Nervous laughter.] 

I’m rambling. Call me back so we can discuss.

~~~~~~~~~~

June 25th, 2018 - 6:21 PM

To: pen 💛 

From: colin 🤡

Hey, Pen. Just wanted to call and see how your first day on the job was. And, of course, to complain about having to travel by myself again. I almost forgot how bloody boring these layovers can be without someone there to complain about them with. 

[Faint laughter.] 

In person, I mean. 

…

Anyway, call me when you’re free. I can’t wait to, uh — 

[Cough.]

To hear about your day. Talk soon. 

~~~~~~~~~~

August 22nd, 2018 - 9:09 PM

To: pen 💛 

From: colin 🤡

Hey, Pen. Just calling because, uh — 

Because I wanted to say hi, really. 

…

Venice is good. It’s quite nice, this time of year. The weather’s starting to cool a bit. The water is calm. The food is the best in the world — but that’s not really time sensitive. 

…

I really cannot stress this enough. I believe it to be a great tragedy that you have yet to eat real Italian pasta. I know you’re extremely busy with work, but if you happen to have a free weekend over the next few weeks, the door is always open. 

…

Alright. Night, Pen.

~~~~~~~~~~

September 21st, 2018 - 11:51 PM

To: pen 💛 

From: colin 🤡

Hey, Pen. Sorry for the late call. But I, uh —

[Faint laughter.]

I forgot how warm it is in Greece this time of year. I’m currently sitting by a river at midnight and it’s actually quite pleasant. Disturbingly so, if you ask me. 

There are a few dozen other people here enjoying the weather — smoking and talking and wearing sandals, or all things. I can’t imagine anyone wearing sandals in London tonight. 

…

There’s a lot I’ve forgotten about Greece. Like the cats. It’s insane, Pen. I can see three right now without even having to turn my head. I —

…

It’s just strange. I stayed here for nearly three months. That was three years ago, but still… Nothing fundamental has changed during that time. And yet…

…

And yet it feels unfamiliar to me now. But I suppose that has more to do with me — and perhaps time — than the country itself. 

…

God. I sound like somebody’s grandfather. I think that’s my cue to head back to my hotel.

Night, Pen. Talk soon. 

~~~~~~~~~~

December 19th, 2018 - 11:12 PM

To: pen 💛 

From: colin 🤡

Hey, Pen. Sorry — I know it’s late. 

I just sent you the first draft of my piece and…

I don’t know. There’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot. I tried to weave it into the story, but my readers don’t come to me for Bridgerton family history lessons, so —

[Laughter.]

Suffice to say, I left it out. 

But I don’t know. I just — I keep thinking about it.

…

Did you know my grandfather was stationed here at the end of World War II? He came here in ‘44, about a year before it all went shit for the Germans. And when it did, he was given the option to leave Vienna and immediately return to London. At the time, he hadn’t been home — hadn’t seen my gran — in over three years. They wrote hundreds of letters to each other during that time — all of which are stashed in a box at Aubrey Hall, in case you were wondering. But anyway…

When the war ended, as much as my grandfather wanted to go home and see my gran’s face again, he wrote to her and asked if she would be willing to wait a little while longer. If she could stand it if he stayed here. If he remained in Vienna while the allied forces first occupied the city — to continue carrying out his duty. 

She said yes. He stayed here another two years. He arrived back on English shores on April 6th, 1947. Two days later, they got married. They did at a courthouse, just the two of them together. Like they were the last two people in the world. 

…

I, uh — I didn’t piece this all together through the letters alone. My dad actually told me about it a few weeks before he died. I remember asking him why granddad stayed in Vienna for so long after the war technically ended. How he could stand to stay away from the woman he seemed so desperate to return to.

I remember my dad telling me: “There are times when duty surmounts passion.” Which I didn’t understand. Mainly because I was eight and had no fucking clue what the word “surmounts” meant, but…

Now, I understand what he was trying to say. That duty and passion are separate. That my grandfather’s duty lied in war, while his passion lied with his love. That his duty went beyond his required deployment period. That he stayed in Vienna those extra two years because that’s what he felt was right, even if he would have preferred to go home and be with the love of his life. 

Now, I —

…

I think my dad was wrong. He described my grandfather’s duty to his country as passionless — as if it was something he had to do when he wanted to be elsewhere. But I’ve read my grandfather’s journals from that time, and he never wrote about his life like he was carrying the weight of the world on his back. He may have been homesick and distressed at times — it was a bloody war, for god’s sake. But he — he was also proud of what he was doing. He was fulfilled. He was not drowning in a lack of passion. 

I think we —

[Cough.]

I think some people, at least, have multiple passions. Passions that are at war with one another. That make it impossible to achieve everything we want all at once. Some that beg us to go home, some that beg us to stay. 

I think my grandfather made a choice. I think he chose one passion for a while, and one forever. I think he knew that once they married, he wouldn’t be able to bear living without my nan ever again. 

…

[Awkward laughter.]

I guess he was lucky that she was willing to wait for him.

…

[Sigh.]

Well… I believe I’ve taken up enough of your time. If you somehow managed to listen all the way to the end, I sincerely apologise for the rambling. I promise I’ll wait until Sunday to share the rest of my travel epiphanies with you. 

Take care, Pen.

~~~~~~~~~~

December 20th, 2018 - 12:11 AM

To: colin 🤡 

From: pen 💛

I always listen until the end. 

I’ll see you on Sunday. Goodnight, Colin. 

~~~~~~~~~~

January 31st, 2019 - 3:45 PM

To: pen 💛 

From: colin 🤡

You know, Pen, I’m starting to suspect that you purposely ‘miss’ my calls just so you can listen back to these wonderful voice messages whenever it pleases you. And while I can understand your desire to have these recordings stashed away forever, I would selfishly prefer some actual back-and-forth between us. 

I’m currently sitting outside one of the seven wonders of the world. Call me back and I’ll tell you all about it.

~~~~~~~~~~

March 21st, 2019 - 5:17 PM

To: colin 🤡 

From: pen 💛

Hey! Thank you so much for your insights on my story. Danbury loved it. 

Call me back when you have the chance. Thanks again!

~~~~~~~~~~

April 29th, 2019 - 7:57 PM

To: pen 💛 

From: colin 🤡

Hey, Pen. Just wanted to give you a head’s up that I just sent you a draft and it’s absolute bollocks. If you can manage to turn it into something vaguely readable, I will literally fly you out here just to say thanks. And I know how much you love Thai food. 

~~~~~~~~~~

June 29th, 2019 - 10:20 PM

To: colin 🤡 

From: pen 💛

Hey! Sorry, I just saw that you called! And I am now remembering that you’re in Dubai and probably — hopefully — fast asleep by now so…

[Laughter.]

…

[Indecipherable noise.]

We’re, uh — We’re still out for Kate’s birthday. We’re on our way to karaoke, actually.

[Laughter.]

Thank god El is here, or else I would be worried about being the worst singer in the pub. I —

[Indecipherable noise.]

Sorry! I have to go. Call me when we’re both awake. 

Lo—

[Cough.]

Um… Goodnight!

~~~~~~~~~~

October 18th, 2019 - 8:08 PM

To: colin 🤡 

From: pen 💛

Did you really just send me an SOS text from Los Angeles? I admire your creativity, but this is not how you convince someone to drop everything and take an impromptu holiday with you. 

…

In the event that you are in an actual emergency, please contact the proper authorities. I appreciate your commitment to the bit, but I ask that you please not sacrifice your life for it. 

~~~~~~~~~~

December 9th, 2019 - 8:30 AM

To: pen 💛 

From: colin 🤡

Hey, Pen.

I just finished reading your new column. Phenomenal, as always… But how the hell did you manage to sneak a pun in there? I thought Danbury had a strict policy against “superfluous literary devices.”

However you managed it… Congratulations. I couldn’t be prouder. 

~~~~~~~~~~

December 19th, 2019 - 4:41 PM

To: colin 🤡 

From: pen 💛

Hey! I had a work thing tonight but it just got cancelled. Any chance you want to meet at Mondrich’s? 

Let me know. I’ll, um, hopefully see you soon. 

~~~~~~~~~~

January 29th, 2020 - 9:22 PM

To: pen 💛 

From: colin 🤡

Hey, Pen. 

…

You’re the closest thing I have to a manager, right? In your professional opinion…

Would it be crazy to bail on this trip early? Give myself, uh… 48 hours to go home and grab some proper fish and chips. See Auggie and Blair. See mum. See you — obviously. London isn’t the most logical pit stop between Berlin and Prague but…

…

Yeah — you know what? It was a dumb idea. I’ve got plenty of those, so… 

Call me back when you’re not too busy. Maybe I can share some more. 

~~~~~~~~~~

February 14th, 2020 - 10:00 AM

To: colin 🤡 

From: pen 💛

Good morning!

Is it still morning in Prague? I —

[Faint laughter.]

I suppose that doesn’t matter much when it comes to voicemails. I, um — 

I’m doing some research on old churches. Which — don’t ask. But I’m currently sitting on the steps outside St. Bride’s Church. I don’t know if you’d recognise it, but it’s the one downtown that, um —

[Laughter.]

The one that looks like a wedding cake. 

I think you’d like it. And not just because of its food-shaped exterior. 

It’s actually considered a church for writers. And for publishers. It got that reputation back in the 17th century, when the publishing industry was booming here on Fleet Street. But, regardless of all that…

It’s really quite an interesting building. I can see why it’s attracted and inspired so many great writers over the years. 

Maybe we can check it out the next time you’re in town. Which is…

God. June, I think? 

…

Anyway… I’m still at the very beginning stages of my research, so I barely know what it is I want to write about yet. But one thing that’s stuck out to me so far is how old these buildings feel. How the architecture, the acoustics, the artwork, the — 

…

Honestly? I’m not sure exactly what does it, but something makes these buildings feel as though they’ve stood here forever. This particular church has only been here about 350 years. But still… You feel all that time when you walk through its halls. 

It’s a good reminder, I think. To know how long things last. 

…

Wow. So this is how it feels to be on the other side of these long, rambling, stream of consciousness voicemails. 

[Faint laughter.]

Bye, Colin. Thank you for lending me your future ear. 

~~~~~~~~~~

March 11th, 2020 - 5:55 PM

To: colin 🤡 

From: pen 💛

Hi! I just got off my train. I assume you’re still in the air, so just text me whenever you land. 

Hopefully the airport wasn’t too chaotic, but um…

…

I’ll meet you at the hotel. I — 

I can’t wait to see you. 

#bridgerton #polin #fanfiction #weepingfromacedartree #fanfic #ao3 #ten milestones #penelope x colin #penelope featherington #colin bridgerton

[recklessheart92]

I ended up back in Benbrook.

I never seem to be able to stay in one place too long. How long will it last this time?

We are officially moving out of Albuquerque by the end of May. I thought being there would do so much for me… but I’m just chasing some other high, hoping that next time it will work; next time I will be happy.

Almost 2 years in and there doesn’t seem to be anything there for me. Like I’ve squeezed out any last drop of dopamine I can from the entire city.

I’m sitting on a park bench at Timbercreek park. This place used to be my solitude. I would frequently walk down across the bridge and just… be. The city removed the picnic tables that used to be under the huge cottonwood trees in the back section. It felt like my own little grove. Alas, nothing lasts forever. So here I am sitting on this bench across from the community garden. I’ve been visiting this place for so long that I remember when there was no garden, only sprawling green grass. There wasn’t a huge parking lot, just a tiny little asphalt patch. I wish it was like that still.

It doesn’t even feel like a safe place. I turned off my location settings so I could just be free, and of course Marc has already texted that he knows where I will be. Had I been in a better mood, it might’ve made me smile to realize he knows me so well. But right now I feel violated. I don’t have anywhere.

Nothing is my own.

I will never be truly alone.

That’s the ironic bit, isn’t it? I’m so scared of being alone, that everyone will leave me eventually, and yet here I am pissed off that I can’t be alone. I’m sure it won’t be long before he rolls up to come take me back to the house. I dread that moment :(

The last time I sat on this bench it was 9 years ago… 2015. God what a fucking awful year for my personal life. Speaking of, it reminds me that I had past trauma thrown back in my face—the first time I had ever found another woman’s clothing in my house. It had completely slipped my mind. It was March of 2014 and Facebook just had to remind me… but then I put together the puzzle pieces and it just killed me even more.

In March of 2014 I had found a size 8 pair of slacks from Banana Republic in my laundry. I know they weren’t mine because, a) I was too poor to shop there; b) I wasn’t a size 8 at the time; and c) they were in the top of the laundry so they had just been put/left there. In 2014 Marc was off fucking someone else. He swears to this day that he never touched her and that she was never at the house. He swore a lot of things… and every single one of them I proved him wrong. It was almost too easy. He used to be a very good liar, but I knew what to look for the longer it happened.

“No, I’m not cheating.” Then I found the texts.

“No, there was never anything other than some flirting.” Then I found the nudes.

“No, she never came here.” Then I found her pants.

I hate that this has all come back up. It wrecked me all over again. The pain I had buried spilled over like it had just been waiting to be discovered again. It made too much sense.

He still swears nothing happened. Honestly, he could swear that until the day he dies and I still wouldn’t believe it. How sad is that? It’s been 10 years and I can still feel the stab of betrayal.

Today should’ve been a good day. The boys are on spring break, we finally have a house in the city that feels like home, we went to see the hundreds of butterflies flitting about in the conservatory at the FWBG. But this morning before I could even get out of bed, it was ruined.

Marc had gotten up before the sun when his alarm went off. I’ve been quite the insomniac recently, so of course I was awake. He didn’t know that, though.

I heard him open the front door. I have no idea why he did.

I asked him about it this morning and he hesitated and then came up with, “I thought I saw a cat out there and I wanted to scare it off before I took out Zelda.”

The sun wasn’t up. He couldn’t see.

He was trying to make sure Zelda didn’t see it, yet opened the door and she came running.

There wasn’t actually a cat there because he even said he didn’t see one, but maybe it was just a bush.

The more he talked about it, the more it felt like bullshit. It’s really hard to ignore those gut feelings. I’ve been around liars my entire life and I know when to listen when those red flags go up. He stopped talking to me about it later, of course. Maybe because the more he spoke, the more bullshit came out.

Goddammit it’s getting cold out here now that the sun is down. I do NOT want to go back to the house. I wish this fucking wind would stop.

I’ve spent the entire time here typing on my phone and do not feel any better. In fact, I almost feel worse.

Today has been awful. The boys have been awful. I feel that Marc is lying to me.

He told me that he is addicted to sex.

I have a terribly low libido. Probably due to past trauma, extreme stress and depression, and the general hate I have for how my life has gone. But guess what? Last time I didn’t fuck him enough, he found someone else. Two or three someones. No wonder I keep seeing the signs.

I already feel like a failure, but here’s another reason to feel like one.

I can’t think straight.

[feelingofcontent]

DNP Rewatch: Dan and Tyler play NEVER HAVE I EVER!

Date video was published: 08/17/2015 (X)

DNP Main Channel Rewatch: 278

Another Dan and Tyler collab! Tyler was in the UK back in May as part of a tour he was doing, and I believe this (and the video with Phil, next) were filmed then. Tyler and Dan tweeted about hanging out.

0:01 - Dan is already blushing and the video hasn’t even started. Also Dan again sitting on his “usual” DNP side of the screen. And Tyler is SO red from bending over like that.

0:16 - that was awful 😂

0:25 - love Tyler mocking himself as a YouTuber, lol

0:31 - “I was thinking about what we have in common.” oh my god. Tyler’s expression says it all. 😳 

0:37 - Dan is still regretting his last Tyler collab

0:47 - “or anything these guys had in mind” ...right.

0:58 - something else Dan and Tyler have in common, hatred of their old branding

1:20 - love Tyler’s offended look at the implication that he’s old. Tyler’s only a couple years older than Dan; not even as old as Phil.

1:28 - wtf was that smirk and eyebrow raise by Tyler 😳

1:40 - Tyler’s confusion over “forfeit.” That is not what we call that in the US.

1:43 - Tyler just randomly having that in his bag 😂

1:59 - this whole random interlude

2:12 - I don’t think I want to know. Although it can’t be worse then DNP getting the shock-y things for Interactive Introverts from a fetish shop.

2:19 - “Phil...handy guy” why did Dan Zoom in on his own face in editing when he said that?! Dan had done something similar for Phil for Phil’s video with Connor

2:29 - Tyler’s hands look SO TINY compared to Dan’s

2:35 - jesus christ Dan. Another amazing Tyler expression.

2:45 - Tyler’s like...”of course.” And Dan trying to act all righteous about it when he just had a creepshot war with Casper a few months ago...fantastic.

3:03 - Phil is being a lot more personal with these than Dan was in what he wrote for Phil and Connor. I love it.

3:08 - love Dan’s immediate laughter when he notices Tyler’s finger is down

3:17 - “not you! fuck off.” I’m dying.

3:27 - and Tyler just telling everyone who it was 😂

3:48 - “you were enjoying that wet...” annnnnd jump-cut.

3:59 - Tyler’s like “that’s not weird” No shame for that one. Tyler is down to two fingers here...

4:01 - ...and now Tyler is back up to three fingers so they’re tied. They tweeted about Tyler cheating afterwards when people pointed it out!

4:16 - this is the most Dan ever talks about other YouTubers on his channel

4:31 - Phil handwriting! And Dan acting so appalled by what Phil wrote.

4:49 - “Phil you little shit.” I love Phil attempting to embarrass Dan (and it working!) so much.

4:59 - this JUST happened too

5:06 - Dan seems like he was actually uncomfortable with that 🙁

5:15 - Tyler looks puzzled by Dan’s description of trying to sneak past people. That’s definitely an introvert thing.

5:18 - whoops. Poor Dan. And John, lol. I love that Dan just ran away.

5:41 - “a cheeky squeeze” 😂

5:46 - “not accidentally” This whole video is fantastic.

6:04 - what kind of “research” involves reading fanfiction?!

6:16 - the fact that Tyler admitted to who he had a dream about but won’t admit to this one...

6:38 - I was gonna say...Dan definitely has to put a finger down on that one

7:18 - the agreement that “a shrine” involves candles

7:35 - Dan really doesn’t do a lot of collabs

7:44 - I’m not sure the finger stroking is comforting...

7:50 - off-camera secrets!

8:22 - Phil was VERY purposeful with these

8:55 - awww, poor younger Dan. Wonder if that was the meet up Dan went to by himself when Phil was apartment hunting in Manchester.

9:09 - Tyler’s “that is so precious” is sweet

9:23 - oooo, burn! Tyler is so good natured though.

10:10 - Tyler should have lost if he hadn’t added a finger back in part way through...although Dan should have had another finger down from the creepshot war, so maybe it really was a tie.

10:23 - “level 10″ sounds intense

10:30 - this seems MUCH worse than the little lie detector shocking thing Phil had

10:42 - Dan is VERY red after that. Not sure I want to know what Tyler had that for.

11:11 - that does not seem like it would be good for you... 

11:24 - Dan not knowing how to turn it off 😂

11:33 - thanks for that moral Dan?

11:44 - “is banana our safeword?” and then Dan with the John Green quote. oh my god.

11:59 - Tyler and Dan’s 7 second challenge video is still up!

I love this video so much. It still makes me actually laugh out loud. Dan and Tyler’s collabs are great; they seem to get on so well! Love Tyler commenting on the video too.

Also obsessed with Phil being a little shit with the things he wrote and trying to catch Dan out. And that if Dan counted Phil as a “YouTuber” as referenced in the statements, he would have had to say yes to probably all of them. 😂

#dan and phil #dnp #dnpRewatch #daniel howell #danisnotonfire #dan howell #daniel howell videos #Dan and Tyler play NEVER HAVE I EVER!

[bts-spnlvr12]

Falling in Love with Arthur Morgan

Pairing: Modern!Arthur Morgan x Reader

Summary: A while ago you met an extremely handsome man by the name of Arthur Morgan, he was the sweetest guy ever, you want to be more with him...how will he react when he can’t stop thinking about you?

Warnings: Arthur being a sweetheart, crushing like a high school girl, smut, cursing, angst, minor anxiety, fluff, requited feelings, death of pet mentioned,  (I believe that’s it...)

WC: 2015

Credit to mrskrazy for the AMAZING artwork!!

You were sitting down near your favorite café, having a latte and reading the news for the day...

You didn’t notice the figure in front of you until your computer was suddenly slammed shut, “Hey- Arthur?”

“Hey Y/n...” He smiles softly...

“How are you, and sorry I didn’t see you...” You put your laptop in your bag and drank your latte...

“I’m doing good, was just walking around town when I saw you here, figured I’d say hi...” Arthur sits back a bit more...

You smile and start having a conversation with Arthur; you remember when you met him about 9 months ago, he was helping you load your dog into the truck as you we’re struggling to get her inside...

The warmth from his touch, the soft smile he gave before he left and gave you his name and number; you remember that day like the back of your hand, that was the day you fell for the man, but you didn’t know if he liked you back, which made you a bit anxious to think about it...

“Y/n? Y/n? You alright?” Arthur tries to get your attention...

“Huh? Oh, sorry, was just thinking about something...” You blushed and looked down, trying to hide it...

“Thinking about what? Something on your mind?” You look up at him, sighing softly...

“Just the day I met you, you helping my elderly Newfoundland into the back of my truck....” Arthur smiles softly...

“I remember that day, I was lucky I was there to help out. Speaking of your dog, how is she?”

You looked down, sighing sadly, “She went over the rainbow bridge about a month ago, her battle with cancer ended, I couldn’t let her suffer so I did an at-home euthanasia for her...” You feel a tear roll down your tear, Arthur moved forward and wiped it away with his thumb gently...

You sniffle and smile sadly, “I’m sorry Y/n...”

“It’s alright, she was in bad shape anyway, I figured it was time to let her go...” You voice wavered a bit...

Arthur got up and walked over to you and hugs you tightly, and kissed your cheek, “You should've called me and I would’ve come over and comforted you...”

“I know, but I wanted to be alone to process it...” You admit, you look up at the sky to see the oranges, pinks and purples appear...

“It’s getting late, we should head home...” Arthur nods and hold your hand as you stand up, you we’re confused on the way he’s acting but you just decided to ignore it as you know he’s that person to not say how he feels...

He walks with you to your truck and you talk a little bit more, “It was nice talking to you again Arthur, it always is...”

“You too Y/n, take care...” You nod and get into your truck and drive back home...

Arthur makes his way home, he’s had you on his mind a ton recently, about his future with you, and things he probably shouldn’t have thought about but he couldn’t help it; he believed you were the most beautiful woman in the world...

Arthur sighs as he gets up from his bed and puts on a t-shirt and blue jeans, and drives over to your place, once he arrives he knocks on your door...

You looked up as slowly headed to the door and looked through the peep-hole to see Arthur, you open the door, confused as to why he’s here...

“Arthur what are you-” Arthur slams his lips onto yours suddenly, you start kissing back almost instantly when you pull away...

“Arthur, what the hell was that?” Arthur shuts the door once he’s further inside, “I can’t stop thinking about you, Y/n...”

“What the hell are you talking about Arthur?” You say breathlessly...

“What I’m tryna say is that...is that...I love you, Y/n...” Arthur finally says...

“W-w-what?” You were shocked...

“I love you Y/n, it started sometime after we met, I couldn’t get you out of my head...” You started to blush a ton...

“I...I love you too, Arthur, I’ve loved you for a while now...” Arthur smiles and gently kisses you...

You kiss him back as it starts to get heated, he carries you upstairs and gently sets you down, clothes are stripped off and thrown everywhere in the room...

He gently lays you down on your bed and kisses down your body, you whimpers softly from his soft kisses and soft touch, “A-Arthur, p-please be gentle, I’m still a virgin...”

“I will darlin’, I will I promise...” You smiled softly as he kisses your inner thigh softly and nips gently, causing you to yelp...

He smirks and positions your knees over his shoulder and lightly sucks on your clit, you buck your hips while he slips his tongue in your entrance and eats you out like a starving man...

You moan loudly and tangle your fingers in his hair and tug, causing him to groan and keep going...

“Oh...oh god Arthur, that’s feels so good, please don’t stop...” You moan breathlessly...

He keeps going until you reach your orgasm which came within a matter of seconds, you buck your hips and shake as you come down from the first orgasm of the night...

He moves up your body and kisses you on passionately, you moan at the taste of yourself on his lips, sighing deeply and lovingly...

He kisses your cheek and positions himself and looks up at you, “You ready sweetheart? Tell me stop if you don’t want this or if it hurts too much, alright?” You nod, he was always a caring guy despite him looking tough on the outside...

He pushes in slowly and gently, you wince as he does so, keeping the same speed, you squeeze his bicep, “A-Arthur, w-wait...”

He stops pushing in and lets you adjust, “I gotta keep going darlin’, I’m almost there...” You whimper from the stretch...

“I-it just hurts, Arthur, please, but I’m also a bit nervous and scared...” Arthur gently lays his hand on your cheek and caresses it with his thumb, “Just look at me sweetheart, I know this scares you but once the pain goes away it’ll make you feel amazing...” You sigh and nod...

He pushes in deeper, blood surrounding his member, signaling he’s popped your cherry which made you tear up from the pain, he kisses your tears away and stays still so you can adjust to his size...

“You’re doing great darlin’, let me know when you’re ready...” You nod and try to ease up how tense you are, which dissipates after about 5 minutes...

“I’m ready, Arthur...” Arthur nods and pulls out almost all the way then thrusts back in again, you arch your back from the sensation and moan loudly as he keeps the same rhythm...

You wrap your arms around his neck, “Oh fuck, Arthur, this feels so good...” You moan loudly once again, Arthur smirks and makes passionate love to you, but soon turns into a bit of a faster and rough pace which you absolutely love...

You feels Arthur’s member twitch while your walls start clenching around him, which starts causing his movements and pace to falter a bit, “Y-You close baby?” 

Arthur nods, “Are you darlin’?” You nod and move your finger onto your clit and rub it as the same pace as Arthur’s thrusts, “O-Oh fuck, I’m cumming...” You breathlessly moan...

“M-Me too sweetheart, me t-too...” He grunts as he releases his seed inside of you as you orgasm for your second time that night...

After riding out your highs, Arthur pulls out and lays beside you, and pulls you close, both breathing heavily...

“That...was amazing Arthur, thank you...” You look up at him, he looks at you and smiles, kissing you passionately...

“I love you, Y/n...always have, always will...” You smile softly, “I love you too Arthur...” He kisses the top of your head as you both drift off into dreamland...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning you wake up, feeling warmth against your back and smiled softly, you slowly and gently gets out of his embrace and go downstairs and start making some eggs and bacon while making coffee...

You we’re cooking some eggs on the stove when you feel a pair of arms wrap around your waist, and feel a gentle kiss pressed in the junction between your neck and shoulder, causing you to lean against him with content sigh...

“Mornin’ darlin’, food smells delicious...” He mumbles against your skin, you smile softly, “Morning Arthur...”

You finish up the eggs and bacon within 10 minutes and plate them, fixing drinks then going to sit at the table and eat, sitting next to each other...

There was a long silence, but it was a comfortable silence, he looks at you and gently takes your hand and kisses your knuckles softly, then rubs his thumb over them, which caused you to smile softly...

“What....what are we now, Arthur?” You suddenly ask, “What’d you mean?” Arthur’s eyebrows furrowed...

“After last night, I know we said ‘I love you’ to one another but...I don’t know if you’ll stay...” You look down, thinking back to the previous night...

“Y/n, look at me...” You look up at him slowly, “There’s those pretty (e/c) eyes, you know damn well that I meant every word I said last night, every word, I know you meant the same, I want to be with you, for the rest of my life, if you’ll have me?”

You smile softly and kiss him softly yet passionately, “Hell yes, I’ll have you for the rest of my life as well...”

He pulls you onto his lap gently and holds you close and rubs your back as you straddle his hips, knees bent in the chair...

~2 years later...~

You were sitting on the couch in the living room, reading some cheesy romance novel, when suddenly you hear the stereo in the same room playing a slow dance type of song, which you recognized fairly quickly and look up to see Arthur standing in front of you, holding his hand out for you...

You set the novel down and take his hand as he leads you to the moderately sized space in the room to spin you and start slow dancing to the song...

You never thought this would happen, never in a million years you would’ve thought you’d be with your future man in your shared house, in the living room, slow dancing in his strong tatted arms, sharing long and sweet kisses with one another as you stare into his bright blue eyes...

After sometime the song ends, Arthur steps back and slowly gets down on one knee and pulls out a dark red maroon velvet box and opens it up, revealing a rose gold band with a light blue diamond in the center, you covered your mouth and started tearing up...

“Don’t start tearing up darlin’, you’ll make me tear up as well...” Arthur smiles softly then continues, “Y/n, for these past couple of years, you have made me the happiest man on this earth with seeing you everyday, watching you doing the things that make you happy, I want to keep seeing that for the rest of my life... What I’m asking is, will you marry me, (Y/F/N)?”

You started crying a bit during his speech, words wouldn’t come out of you so all you did was nod and held out your left hand, Arthur stood up and slipped the ring onto your ring finger and kisses you passionately and pulls you against him, which makes your smile widely...

“I love you so much, Arthur Morgan...” You finally say...

“I love you to, darlin’...” He holds you tightly against him as he starts to sway a little bit to another slow song...

~A year later, you and Arthur get married around friends and family who are glad you two finally got together, and had a son named Ben and a daughter named Julia, and lived out the rest of your days until you we’re old and grey...~

#arthur morgan x y/n #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 #smut #arthur morgan x female oc #fluff #modern!arthur morgan

[hopetofantasy]

‘HUMO’s big youth survey - Politics, society and religion’ - With Nora Dari (part 1)

- TW: corona pandemic, mental health, sickness, religion, islamophobia, racism, cancel culture -

Who better to test out the results of HUMO’s brand new ‘youth survey’ than a trio of three young gods? Bouba Kalala (23) made the switch between ‘Studio Brussel’ and the social media-team of the ‘SP.A’ - sorry, ‘Vooruit’. Céleste Cockmartin (21), daughter of sexologist and politician Goedele Liekens, just started her third year of neuropsychology in Maastricht. Nora Dari (19) portrays the beautiful Yasmina in the wildly popular ‘wtFOCK’. ‘If we don’t rise up to the streets, a lot of things will remain the same.’

- Note from hopetofantasy: ‘SP.A’, soon to be rebranded as ‘Vooruit’, is a social democratic political party -

For the past quarter of the century, HUMO surveyed every new batch of youngsters, but never before did we had to include a pandemic in our questionnaire. It’s a first! And even though the youth isn’t the most popular target of the virus, they’ll emerge from the corona crisis with scars on them too.

Half of young people thinks life will never return to what it was before. The girls are even more pessimistic than the boys. Nora Dari: “I wouldn’t call us pessimistic: we weren’t on the right track at all. This is one big wake-up call. I’ve never felt as alone yet together as during lockdown. On social media, we were already used to our own bubble. Then suddenly, all these bubbles began to look the same and everyone kept talking about the same thing.”

Bouba Kalala: “For one moment, the crisis showed us how good the world could be. I even started to cry at the drone images of VTM. I think we’ll bring that unity with us to the post-corona era.” Nora Dari: “When my mom stepped on the bus with her hijab before this, she would have gotten the side-eye. Now people scowl at those without mouth-masks. Weird how fast everything can change.” Bouba Kalala: “My grandpa experienced the war, we lived through a pandemic. Shit happens. When the Germans threw bombs on England, everyone re-emerged after the bombardments, re-opened their shops and even made jokes about it - ‘Everything at explosive prices!’. That’s what we should do now: we have to take corona seriously and follow the measures, but being scared won’t help us more forward.”

Do young people have to give up too much, because of the corona crisis? Almost one out of three think they do. Céleste Cockmartin: “I don’t have the feeling I’m giving up on a lot. But young people really do try and avoid infecting the elderly. When I’m in Maastricht and only see my peers for weeks at a time, then I’ll be less restrained. But when visiting my parents, I’m very careful. It’s just a matter of not being selfish. What’s so difficult about wearing a mask and disinfecting your hands?” Nora Dari: “Quite a lot of people don’t believe in masks.” Bouba Kalala: “Really? I don’t know anyone who dismisses the rules and says: ‘I’m going to go anywhere and do what I want.’ But those that do, get a story in the news. As if every young person doesn’t give a fuck.” You do? Bouba Kalala: “I have to: my grandpa who’s 84, is staying with us. I did sin once, though. Going to a friend’s house for some drinks, other friends come over and suddenly you’re with ten people.” Nora Dari: “I’ve had corona and I was scared to death that I’d infect my parents. So I locked myself up in my bedroom for two weeks.” Céleste Cockmartin: “Seriously? I wouldn't be able to handle it mentally if I couldn't go out.” Nora Dari: “But I was incredibly sick, so the solitary confinement didn’t bother me. I’ve binged all there was to binge on Netflix.” Bouba Kalala: “And your sense of smell and taste?” Nora Dari: “Still gone! I can’t taste anything. Us, Moroccans, drink mint tea every day. Now, a month later, it still tastes like water.” Did the virus change you? Nora Dari: “I’m pretty religious. Corona has given me even more the understanding that everything is in God’s hands.” Faith is on the rise again: the number of young people claiming they’re atheist or non-religious declined from 50 to 41 percent. Céleste Cockmartin: “Everyone is looking for meaning and answers. I search these answers in science.” Bouba Kalala: “For me, science and God have the same worth. Believers can’t prove there is something, but science can’t disprove it either.” You believe there’s something? Bouba Kalala: “Yes, but what? I believe in the universe, the force of attraction, the power of positive thinking... I don’t want to sound too much like a hippie, but I also believe in the paranormal and UFOs. (*Céleste and Nora laugh out loud*) What? UFOs are my hobby. Even the American army admits there is something, so there must be something (*laughs*).” Nora Dari: “I often hear it: young people believe in something, but they don’t know (yet) in what they believe.” It’s all clear to you. Nora Dari: “Yes. I’m lucky to be born in a muslim family, but even then, there’s a moment where you think: is this the religion that really defines me? I’ve done research and began reading books, but my heart truly connected with the Islam. It feels like true love.” Céleste Cockmartin: “I can be jealous about that. I think it’s a shame sometimes, that I don’t have that faith. It seems to be a good solace during the hard times. For a lot of people, faith isn’t much more than a form of meditation.” Bouba Kalala: “The grandma from a friend of mine passed away recently. I found it hard to comfort her. I don’t have that issue with my Moroccan or Turkish friends, because we know she’s with God. The idea that she isn’t gone, brings peace.” In 2015, when we were still discussing the imminent terror attacks, 9 percent called themselves muslim. Now it’s 17 percent. Nora Dari: “I think it’s related to the terrorists. Because of them, muslims and non-muslims started asking questions about Islam. People studied the religion and concluded that it’s actually really beautiful.” When you were 13, you wore a hijab for a while. Nora Dari: “As a young girl, I often visited the community center in Winterslag. It closed down by the time I went to high school. From a tiny school with only two Belgians without an immigration background, to a school with a handful of muslims. Suddenly the world seemed bigger. I needed something familiar, something I could join and where I felt included. That was the Islam. After two years, I realized that my choice to wear the hijab, was too hasty. I wore it so I wouldn’t feel alone, but when I got older, I understood: I’m not alone. With or without hijab, God’s always with me.” Will you wear it again some day? Nora Dari: “I hope so. If someone asks me why I don’t wear it, I don’t have an excuse. It’s something so beautiful. Yet, right now, it doesn’t feel as if it’s something I need to do.”  Do you feel, as a muslim, that you’re less of a target than a few years ago? Nora Dari: “Yes. That’s connected with the trend of being woke, being aware of everything and refusing to think anything is bad. Due to this, a lot of youngsters are becoming less critical. Which is a shame.” And here I thought, young people were only positive about being woke? Nora Dari: “But what is the meaning of ‘being woke’?” I was hoping you could tell me. Nora Dari: “No one knows. Everyone pretends to know (*laughs*).” Bouba Kalala: “That’s being woke, I think: not knowing everything, stop pretending like you have all the answers.” Nora Dari: “You know what bothers me? That we live in such a cancel culture. One bad tweet and you’re cancelled for life. There’s nothing woke about that?” Bouba Kalala: “Without social media, we wouldn’t have cancel culture: every brain fart continues to exist on the internet. Years later, someone will dig up a wrong statement and use it to take you down.” Nora Dari: “Young people would do well, if they followed the people they don’t agree with on social media.” Bouba Kalala: “Yes!” Nora Dari: “If I'd follow Dries Van Langenhove (= extreme right politician / activist) tomorrow, my followers would throw a fit: ‘Do you agree with him?’ No, the exact opposite! But how can I understand how he thinks, if I don’t follow him? If I only followed people whom I agree with, I’ll get tangled up into my own truths. The world doesn’t stop with my own Insta page.” Céleste Cockmartin: “That’s being woke: talking with your opponents. I once started a conversation with Dries Van Langenhove. I ran into him in Ghent, at the time of the ‘Schild & Vrienden’ TV report. I had to know: what’s the deal with that group? Unfortunately the conversation wasn’t very clear - it was the nightlife neighborhood. But I’ll stick with my statement: start a conversation with dissendents.” And the youth of today doesn’t do that? Nora Dari: “Not at all. We rather cancel each other.” Bouba Kalala: “I already know that I’ll get racist bullshit hurled at me after this interview. I've learned not to care. Hate posts are good for my algorithm.” You don’t reply to them? Bouba Kalala: “I do, every time. One time, I argued for hours with someone who sent a racist tweet. I kept going: ‘Why do you say that, Arno? Do you realize this hurts?’. In the end, he even thanked me. I went to my mom, showed her the conversation and we’ve high-fived each other. I know that Arno will vote for Vlaams Belang (= extreme right political party) again, but he did say ‘thank you’, while he started with that sick tweet.”

#wtfock #wtfam #part 1 of ... #because my Tumblr keeps glitching #I'm dropping part one already #nora dari

[sregurb]

tagged by: @wilbdhm​ thank you 🥰

rules: answer these questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better!

1. name/nickname: mia/meezy. only two or three people call me that but i’ll count it anyway

2. gender: female? who knows!

3. star sign: leo sun, scorpio moon, aries rising

4. height: 5′5″ / 165 cm

5. time: 3.51pm

6. birthday: august 15th

7. favorite bands: blondie, arctic monkeys, little mix, the 1975, cage the elephant and i can’t believe i’m saying this but girls aloud

8. favorite solo artists: amy winehouse, sza, kehlani, megan thee stalion, nicki minaj, jessie reyez, rihanna, doja cat, dua lipa

9. song stuck in your head: rake it up by yo gotti and nicki minaj. kate sent me a tiktok this morning with that audio and now i can’t stop singing nicki’s verse 😌

10. last movie: i tried to watch i’m thinking of ending things because a friend recommended it but i got like. not even a quarter of the way through and gave up. the last movie before that in my netflix history was mamma mia which i watched at the beginning of september 😀 can you tell i’m not much of a movie person

11. last show: i got a new tv for christmas so i’ve been binge watching still game from the first season again

12. when did i create this blog: 23rd of february 2015 😳

13. what do i post: anything. i have two other blogs for fandom stuff but this blog is a bit of everything

14. last thing i googled: “netflix watch history” so i could try to find the last movie i watched

15. other blogs: runningandcrying and satrinadia :)

16. do i get asks: yes but only from kate

17. why i chose my url: i hated my url at the time so i was desperate to change it and i found an old facebook message from my friend saying ‘Burgers spelled backwards is sregurb and that is mighty close to God’. i thought it was hilarious because burgers backwards is sregrub and also what the fuck

18. following: 218

19. followers: 185

20. average hours of sleep: idk like 8?

21. lucky number: i used to say 7 but i think maybe 27

22. instruments: i played violin, percussion, guitar and bass(ish) at different points in my life but now i play nothing 😔

23. what am i wearing: joggies and a tshirt and some funky socks i got for christmas :)

24. dream job: i guess something to do with CAD draughting? idk i don’t want a job i want to live in the woods

25. dream trip: i’ve wanted to go back to paris for the longest time now but recently michigan’s been sounding pretty nice idk why though it’s not like there’s anyone that lives there that i desperately want to see in person or anything haha 🙂

26. nationality: scottish

27. favorite song: atm it’s she got a donkey by nicki minaj

28. last book read: i haven’t read a book in ages but i’ve been trying to get back into a spot of bother by mark haddon. i started reading it two years ago so i’ve reread what i got through and now i really want to finish it but my brain says no

29. top three fictional universes i‘d like to live in: harry potter’s the obvious one, avatar (i want to be a water bender so bad don’t talk to me), and supergirl but only because i want lena luthor and kara danvers to be real 

30. tagging: @lilithlibrxa, @sapphic-squid and @venetia-kvalic if you want to :)

#tagged

[disneywizard]

Disney Wizard Top 10 Animated Series for 2020

And here I thought that 2016 was as bad as a year can get.  Boy was I wrong.  From Australian Wildfires to a Global Pandemic this.  Year. Sucked.  

Personally, I lost my job of 7 years.  (Don’t worry, I got a new one) and I know so many people who had it so much worse than I did.  

But Animation thrived this year.  I basically only come to Tumblr once a year to make this list, and it has been hard this year.  Seriously, I’ve never struggled with making a list this much.  Ever.  I could make a second list for the fantastic animated shows that I’m leaving off the list this year.  For example, DUCKTALES, didn’t make my list this year.  FREAKING DUCKTALES.  And this wasn’t because of a dip in Quality for Ducktales, it’s still as good as it ever was, possibly even better.  It was just a testament to how much good Animated Television we’ve had this year.  

We’ll start things off with my honorable mentions: 

The Adventure Time Distant Lands special on HBO Max

Miraculous Ladybug: New York special on Disney+

Both were closer to movie events, rather than episodes of their respective shows.  Still good though.  

Also Wolfwalkers on Apple+

Which was never in any way connected to a tv series of any kind, it’s just an amazing movie from Cartoon Saloon, and that studio never gets enough attention, so I figured I’d give them some.  It’s an amazing movie.  

And now...the list.

10) The Owl House

This quirky show debuted back in January (Oh God, January feels like a decade ago...) and it quickly showed how special it was.  Unsurprising given the creative talent working on it, including Gravity Falls Creator Alex Hirsch (In fact, the showrunner for the series is his Girlfriend Dana Terrace) The show was best described by my friend as such: “It’s like Little Witch Academia if instead of going to Magic School, Akko was trained by a crazy old lady in the woods.”

Available on Disney+

9) Hilda

After two years!  HIlda’s back!  This gorgeous little Netflix original series, based on a graphic novel has returned, and oh boy the two year wait was worth it.  She’s just as much fun, but just like last season, she’s terrible at learning from her mistakes and it catches up with her this season, and HOW.  

Available on Netflix

8)  The Hollow

After the first season ending, I couldn’t possibly see how they could do another season, it seems so closed and Self-Contained, but...WOW.  They came back and they blew my mind.  Season 2 was even better than season one.  In season one, all of the characters had amnesia, but in season 2, we got to know who they really were.  Just in time for it to get even darker and for the show to ask the truly existential questions.  

Available on Netflix

7) Star Wars; The Clone Wars

This is the first time this show has ever made my list.  I didn’t think much of the earlier seasons of the show, and I make no secret of the fact that I love Star Wars: Rebels more.  But this season, short as it was, blew my mind, and actually significantly made the movie “Revenge of the Sith” better.  Weirdly enough this isn’t the only animated series on this list that takes place during the events of a live action movie...but more on that later.

Available on Disney+ 

6) Tales of Arcadia: Wizards

Almost didn’t make the list, despite it being in the number six spot.  It had a serious problem, being that it focused heavily on resolving and tying up several old Trollhunters plot threads instead of being its own thing and focusing on it’s own characters.  It’s definitely the weakest of the Tales of Arcadia series, but still isn’t bad, and taken in the context of the Trollhunters plots it resolves, it serves as an amazing conclusion to the three shows.  (A Netflix Original Movie will air in 2021 to  close out everything)

Available on Netflix

5) She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

I almost forgot about this show, since it concluded very early on in the year. (And sweet Aslan this has been a very loooooooooong year) The final season was probably the best season.  It scratched a lot of itches, and surprised me by making a certain character’s personal redemption arc believable...

Available on Netflix

4) Glitch Techs

This show is just FUN.  No other way to describe it.  If you’re a fan of animation, or video games, or especially both, go watch it, you’ll like it.  

Available on Netflix

3) Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous 

Anyone who knows me knows that Jurassic Park is actually my favorite live action movie franchise.  I’m with Chris Pratt, JP is MY Star Wars.  And JP fans have been waiting for an animated series for a LONG time.  (I still can’t believe we never got one in the 90s, when nearly every movie from Beetlejuice, to the Mask got their own animated series.  We almost got one, THREE times, and they fell through every time.) I was very tempted to put this at the top of my list, because it was my favorite show of the year, but I do try to be objective about my super subjective list.  This show takes place DURING the events of the 2015 movie on the other side of the island, and it EARNS its spot as a Jurassic Movie, having probably the highest kill count of any show on this list except Clone Wars.  Season 2 lands in late January, and I can’t freaking wait.  

Available on Netflix

2) Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts

All three seasons of this show aired over the course of this year.  

However, because this year was, you know...THIS YEAR, it didn’t feel like it all dropped over the course of a year, it felt spread out and earned.  This show has some drop dead gorgeous animation as well as a wonderfully creative story set in a Post-Apocalyptic World (Lion alive!...it’s TOPICAL TOO)  I cannot praise this show enough.  

Available on Netflix

Before I get to my number one spot, I’m just gonna disclaimer again, if a show you loved isn’t on this list this year it was not because I didn’t consider placing it on the list. *Cough* CarmenSandiegoDuckTalesTheLastKidsOnEarthAmphibiaCentralParkTooManyOtherShowsToName*Cough* simply it was...because there was so much good this year.  Even as write this finalized list, I’m still wavering on some of these...but...here we are.

1) Infinity Train

I might have waffled on the previous 9 entries for the list...but from the moment that both seasons that aired this year, I never questioned that this show would be number 1.  AGAIN!  Two years in a row, this is my number 1 choice for my list.  This show is a masterpiece of animation, full of amazing writing on grief, death, consequences, denial...I can’t even begin to describe how damn good this show is.  Just watch it.  I promise you won’t regret it.  

Available on HBO Max

#Best Animated Series of 2020 #miraculous new york #Wolfwalkers #The Owl House #Hilda #The Hollow #Star Wars The Clone Wars #Tales of Arcadia #Wizards #She-Ra and the Princesses of Power #Glitch Techs #Jurassic World Camp Cretaceous #Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts #Infinity Train

[paraclete0407]

1.

That my favorite JLC novel was ‘Call for the Dead’ - a reference for the Black Death

2.

Nora Roberts’ ‘Holding the Dream’ - ‘Project 521′

3.

‘[Japanese word for bouquet] super-cruise

4.

‘Afterburner’ - hands on shoulders

5.

‘Disbelief in math’ - you [stole presence of breast]

6.

‘Why am I so dumb’

7.

Drinking boiling tea on empty stomach till fly, leap weightlessly

8.

‘Mariposa 2016′ - why not be ‘wheeled out’ 

9.

‘Speak while breathing in’

10.

Oxygen from outside not needed; breathing is crutch

11.

Do backflip; test of will

12.

‘Germantown Lake’

13.

Instant respect University School of Milwaukee

14.

‘UW-Milwaukee (once) respected me’

15.

‘The infliction

16.

‘H3B’ - ‘Mutt Riley’ drug-dealer w/ heart of gold (fake stock character) ‘Malaysian Camille,’ fingers intercostal, ‘Liesl,’ point to books w/ furry boot-toes, ‘I want to kick that cat.’  Some kind of gov’t agency.  Girl w/ marmalade hair,

17.

‘Gangster Opera’ - ‘__-ya what _ _ _ _’ - ‘penalty life’ 

18.

‘Flamenco dance-hall poison gas massacre’ - ‘First Love’

19.

‘The Persian Girl’ - NYC container-ship nuclear terrorism

20.

‘Oxygen Girl and Lithium Boy’ - W. Allen ‘Jupiter Symphony’ - Green R-33  - ‘Yeppeo Harkke’ - ‘I’m not Allen; don’t want to know everything; I groom no one; I expect not to live forever; IDC abt ‘sexual awakening’  + doesn’t need to be taught.  Unoriginal sinner, un-special sophistication, ‘nubile’ - well f--- you and praise God f---face

21.

Distributing the apple-baskets to the poor

22.

‘Epipen’ hostess-bar; [fake name spoken by munch-crumple-idiot].  

23.

‘The Coalminer’s Wife.’  Rutgers is Pyongyang; Mason Gross School of the Arts is Pyongyang; spiral staircase, why am I so dumb.  ‘Poetry-writing is like _ _ but novel-writing is like coal-mining.’  The small room, loom / weave.  Sleep in uniform apron / visor.  Blindness.  Hairband.  ‘If you wear this shirt on college 1st day will meet fut. husband.’  

Sitting in subterranean culvert, bride, pink silver white, orange light.  Kneeling in matte white in coal-hill.  ‘The village headman’s daughter.’  Candle.  Roman Catholicism implied.  

24.

Legalistic, fat on health-foods.  Friend is skinny always burning self down, love of pizza.  ‘Sungjin.’  

25.

‘Minister of the Right’ - ‘Scholar Jin and Lady Periwinkle’

26.

‘Eternal Protector YSS his face was white to blacks black to whites spoke breathing in, racist in immutable divine capacity, picking up valuables from ground even if stolen property =/- smashing store-window to steal.  Terrible elephant-trumpet, sinking, PCH will burn me w/ cigarette-tip in Eternity.  

27.

‘Sospira’ - mandatory euthanasia for piano-teacher after ‘genius student’ graduates

28.

‘Man is woman and woman is b _ _.’  ‘Women are floors.’  

29.

The bird says ‘laoshi.’  The rabbit approaches me; my son.  Little kids w/ armored lower legs will crush me.  

30.

‘So tired from writing strip-club accounts by hand shoulder fatigue the RU Aryan Nation (inc. blonde Jewesses) easily bent her arm to make it look like suicide.’    

31.

‘I caused WW3 due to collective hallucination and/or CCP deepfake; casus belli

32.

‘We’ll give you a five-course meal then f--- you up + also plant bomb in stomach

33.

‘I f---ig TOLD YOU

34.

Mom trusted me with absolute trust-ness as we walked; Jew ‘Take your family _____!’  ‘Carlos Park,’ ‘I HATE Jews; they think they’re the only humans.’  ‘At least we can all agree about Obergefell(?!).’

35.

Why Episcopalians sing about Socrates?

36.

Tell parents, ‘Don’t you know how easy it is to generate deepfakes and say anyone did anything?’  They drove away leaving me outside Best Buy.

37.

‘He’s like the Palestinians.’  ‘I really like you.’  Black boy in pom-pom-hat, tooth-smile, tinfoil.’  My Tibetan bracelet, Diamond Gym Maplewood

38.

‘Meta-wolf.’  Painterly resolution of cinema.  Die at piano.  Stab self in right thigh.  

39.

Looking in to the PC screen 2003 I saw the future; at the very end of the _ _ vid the katana right through her mouth and head / brain / skull.  Dads to plan Covid ultra-vengeance.  YSS, ‘I killed my sons to _ _ _.’  

40.

St. Peter in sky

41.

‘Delight of bread; it befits Man’s dignity... Xi Jinping likes _... delight stomach nursing school, orange sherbert, all ight getting beaten

42.

The Black PhD woman wants me to apply lip-gloss(?!), will not expand on educational philosophy of institution - ‘I blah blah blah Harvard, middle class can’t live within means - Shanghai novel ‘What We Were Not Promised’ - ‘

43.

Guidance counselor you f----- it up - incompetent reprobate self-hypermasculinizing crop-hair Jewess man up Derek Chauvin

43.

‘The neural math Yuki Katakura, mirror neurons, decoupling, cannot ride the vestibule, Matt Chai, “Correspondence and Correlation’  Berkeley CA, ‘Catherine Chai’ emerald dress, McDonalds in the days when seats were fixed outside.  Michelle WAi funeral; she played guitar; commanded submarine, assassinated by RPG Arab terrorist.  G-36.  ‘Fantail.’

44.

‘What’s Myeong Hyeongeso up to?’ - I really love my friend Cunningham whose heartrate spikes probably b/c he knows there’s CCP Yakuza assassins somewhere al the time thinking of murdering him

45.

Daejin McDonald’s one night, I start singing ’Star Spangled Banner.’  Kim Jong Un launches missile arcing over cereal grain fields, I start singing ‘Star Spangled Banner.’

46.

Literally 2015, ‘Trinity of Happiness.’  Later ‘finally enter.’  Gold label lite cigarette, ‘I’m gonna have my day!’

47.

I gave the little kid money + he flipped out; he later tried to freeze himself to death as Texas Bill is manning up worried about magazine cliches, contributions to ROKA(?).  Kid quit due to voice but he’s still better than me!  Fire all these people, CDF, ‘Charles David Framingham,’ nuke Milwaukee, I don’t trust his data.  ‘I had so much sex before marriage’ - just die I read your magazine 3,0000 years ago.  I can’t believe anyone wants to be you; my grandfather was B-24 co-pilot, main pilot KIA, landed without landing-training, grapefruit morning, infinite wrist-strength.  I smashed up his house but he didn’t get mad, just stutter.  Dead-eyed f---face shooting every animal in Texas.  

48. 

Very much fear of P2 holiness but holiness-shyness even worse than love-shyness even more blasphemous, I sincerely hope he strangles me very soon

49.

The evillest thing I ever thought, the ‘death of deaths,’ Kim Jong Il, what was he thinking?  I used to toy with TW-1, say word ‘zombie’  ‘How could you do that?!’  I didn’t liquefy girls’ skeletons or sth; it’s like Schindler’s List soundtrack; I just don’t know words for it.  ‘Final Gesture’ - Jesus to Judas ‘friend?’

50.

Iraq War Day trail-running, later cognizance of Noam Chomsky Hiroshima Day.  Wanted to say Op. Olympic noble but in retrospect ‘Bells of Nagasaki’ + ‘swamp of Japan.’  My grandfather’s funeral, dad is, ‘We have all drunk from wells we did not dig.’  Chinese chicken eat, nap, I can run all the way up of the hill w/ African chat.  I like YooA ‘Bon Voyage,’ check CNS high reps, atrial fibrillation.

51.

SHINEE fangirl ‘Stella(?)’ - noli me tangerine I know that stuff is ‘little stars.’  Awed at my gait  ‘If only they had stayed in hot pursuit.’  I wanna believe in all that stuff as well; I am also a dead-ender or last-chancer or last-caller; I admire Mari Iijima, ‘’Uncompromising Innocence.’  ‘Little Heaven’ but that’s Kim Jongilism or I’m worse than Kim Jong Il for thinking about ‘Agents Running in the Field.’  Timothy Keller, ‘I don’t like broccoli.’  I felt it was an innuendo and it made me think of HJ that gave me her number but I didn’t call b/c I’m against prostitution and I felt it’s fake number b/c everything is the Shadowplay.  I made stupid lewd stuff for years despite ‘Anointment’ and ‘When To Care’ - ‘toucan, macaw, demi-bra.’  Everyone thinks I’m a rapist but I’m not pressing my case; I don’t mouth-breath; I don’t spit.  I read ‘Sentimental Education’ and pre-targeted; I gave up; I wish Gen. McChrystal could be President or GWB 3rd term, conscience of Moon Jaein, ‘Weary Head.’  Thought I was ‘all hard’ for reading Natsume Soseki’s ‘Meian’ with ex-girlfriend’s smile at the end but he as dying then I started seeing kisses + wife-smiles and stuff; what’s Francis Chan up to?, does Mike Pompeo know I am real?  I liked 2nd Inuyasha movie, that song was about Mochida Kaori’s unborn niece or nephew, Kinokuniya Edgewater Mitsuwa.  The ‘Many Pieces’ live version ended with bass-note - ‘cantus firmus’ - instead of fadeout and wail.  Stone Lake NK Mountain morning.  Fav. Bible book 2 Timothy - ‘grievous wolves.’  & I used to listen to ‘Arirang’ and hear the Latin, ‘Respondemus’ - my favorite person said that Latin’s ‘quaint’ but it’s the lingua franca of the Roman Empire and that’s the final empire of this world that never went away; but this is a specific era, the great wave Delta and it’s not even the last iteration If I know anything about biological war or Satan.  Unironically fall on your face; ten billion jewel-souls tonight and this terrible fire rolling over.  I just simply pray for mercy on Milwaukee + somebody suspend their infinity-war-dueling over all the ills of yesterday back to Original Sin nd the Fall of Lucifer.  I’m unhappy that I know all this pop-culture; ‘worlds are swaying / someone is praying / please let us come home to stay’ or Kahi’s ‘One Love’ where at the end it uses the word for ‘I’ in the subjective case which is ‘arm confirmed identity’ 

[eamonwhalen]

Rap I Liked 2020

An attempt at an omnivorous list of rap songs from the year 2020 that undoubtedly missed many good songs. 

In a Spotify Playlist

In an Apple Music Playlist

If you’d like to read what I wrote this year click here. 

1. Quelle Chris and Chris Keys featuring Earl Sweatshirt, Denmark Vesey, Merill Garbus and Big Sen - Mirage

2.   Mozzy featuring Blxst - I Ain’t Perfect

3. Jay Electronica featuring Jay-Z - A.P.I.D.T.A

Sleep well Lately, I haven't been sleepin' well I even hit the beach to soak my feet and skip some seashells Sleep well The lump inside my throat sometimes it towers like the Eiffel Sometimes I wonder do the trees get sad when they see leaves fell Sleep well The last time that I kissed you, you felt cold but you looked peaceful I read our message thread when I get low and need a refill Sleep well

4. Shabazz Palaces - Fast Learner

5. G-Herbo featuring Juice WRLD, Chance The Rapper and Lil Uzi Vert - PTSD

“People judge people from my city, or people who go through what we go through. It’s just the way you’re brought up and different situations that you experience that change your life and make you who you are. There’s a lot of people who would come to my city and not make it. There’s certain survival skills that you learn in Chicago from just naturally adapting to your environment. People judge us and outcast us from what they see on the outside but they really don’t know what’s going on on the inside. We’re making rational decisions because what we go through forces us to make those decisions. Just the older I get, the more serious I look at it. When I was younger I had my family taking care of me, and I was just living life like a kid. But by 14-15, there’s a lot of kids in my city who are living the lives of adults at that age. Other places people don’t live like that. When I was 16 I started to see people die around me. In my city theres so little to depend on, so people take other options to survive and make a way for themselves. At a young age you start learning this,” - G-Herbo, from an interview I did with him a few years ago. 

6. 21 Savage and Metro Boomin’ featuring Young Thug - Rich N***a Shit

the sounds of luxury

7. Sada Baby - Slide

8. Megan Thee Stallion - Circles

https://youtu.be/TwZl9WCHjnc

9. Polo G - Martin & Gina

10. Gunna - Skybox

11. Pop Smoke - Yea Yea

Rest in Peace Pop Smoke

https://pitchfork.com/thepitch/pop-smoke-dior-protest-music/

12. Bfb Da Packman featuring Sada Baby - Free Joe Exotic

13. NBA Youngboy - The Story of OJ (Top Version)

14. Bris - Me Important

Rest In Peace Tricky Dance Moves

15. Playboi Carti - @ MEH

16. Navy Blue featuring Ka - In Good Hands

“Even friends in a frenzy became ravenous

Brothers named universal, wise, supreme became savages

It's said the common thread with our enemies

Is we was all men in need with no amenities

Couldn't sit in peace, we each hit the streets for remedies

Through the hatred accumulate a hundred arms we was centipedes

The stress of empty pantries kept us antsy

No lie, essentials essentially in a shanty

Could give scripture but that big picture is what you can't see

Every grain I spelt is what helped enhance me

Went from gun waving to saving lives

I give sight to the blind just for the 85

That's what I was in the line of scrimmage

Lost some folks of course, that growth redefined percentage

Doomed in the womb, surprised I ain't see a hanger

Start questioning affection when all you see is anger,

But now I’m in good hands, surrounded by good women, good babies, good mans,”

-Ka

17. Lil Uzi Vert - Chrome Heart Tags

18. SahBabii - Double Dick

19. Rezcoast Grizz - Water

20. Future featuring Drake, Da Baby and Lil Baby - Life Is Good Remix

21. Drakeo The Ruler featuring Icewear Vezzo and ALLBLACK - We Know The Truth

The Ruler’s home. Read Jeff Weiss on Drakeo’s trial and release, and the book Rap On Trial for an underreported and understudied phenomenon. 

22. Future and Lil Uzi Vert - That’s It 

23. Shordie Shordie - Save A Little

coolest new voice in Rap

24. Busta Rhymes featuring Kendrick Lamar - Look Over Your Shoulder

25. Cam & China - Know What I’m Saying

https://youtu.be/H1JSWy9lxuk

26. Ovrkast featuring Navy Blue - Face

27. J Hus featuring icee tgm - Helicopter

Shaitan in police uniform Feds in a helicopter I seen pigs fly but I never seen a unicorn Tryna find cover on somebody's front lawn I see an undercover and he had his gun drawn Didn't like me 'cause I'll never conform Man want beef, but they'll never come forth Like CB, all I need is one corn You see me alone but I got a strong force No man can ever put my life on pause They enslaved my ancestor, no remorse I bring knowledge to Europe, just like the Moors The knowledge, they need it, they cravin' for more Left the yard before the jakes kicked in the door Have you seen a lengman drop his stick on the floor? Say you wanna bang, you don't look like you're sure

28. Demahjiae featuring Mejiwahn, Michael Sneed and Pink Siifu - Wild & Fireflies

29. Lil Baby featuring 42 Dugg - We Paid

No choice but to respect someone who is not only still rockin’ with the Detroit Lions in 2020 but says so much on the biggest song of his career thus far. 

30. Ka - Patron Saints

31. Benny The Butcher - Famous

32. Key! - Spend One Night

33. Smino featuring JID and Kenny Beats - Baguetti

34. Open Mike Eagle - Death Parade 

35. OMB Peezy - Sleep At Night

36. Mick Jenkins - “Carefree”

read me on Mick Jenkins circa 2016.

37. Chris Brown and Young Thug featuring Lil Duke and Gunna - Big Slimes

38. Freddie Gibbs and Alchemist - God Is Perfect

39. Chester Watson - Life Wrote Itself

40. Denzel Curry and Kenny Beats - DIET

read me on Denzel Curry circa 2015

41. Young Dolph - Hold Up Hold Up Hold Up

Still probably the coolest thing any rapper has done in years. 

42. Dua Saleh - Hellbound

43. Rod Wave - Fuck The World

44. Young Nudy - Deeper Than Rap

45. Bobby Raps - Believe The Lie

Alex Howard, more like Alex Garland!

46. Saba - So and So

47. 2 Chainz featuring TyDollaSign - Can’t Go For That

https://youtu.be/ccenFp_3kq8

48. Blu and Exile - The Feeling

49. astralblak - Out In The Woods

50. Key Glock - Word On the Streets

51. Black Thought featuring Portugal. The Man & The Last Artful, Dodgr - Nature of the Beast

I feel like Phillip Seymour Hoffman, less Denzel Washington When people are watching me If the right amount of likes and follows can make me less hollow I'd somehow be more complete But people tend to be more toxic so we see more gossip And there's tension on the streets

52. Flo Milli - Not Friendly

53. Shootergang Kony - Still Kony 2

54. Homeboy Sandman - Trauma

55. Kevin Gates - Weeks

56. Pink Siifu and Fly Anakin - Open Up Shop

57. P Will aka Prince Williams - Survival 

58. Cupcakke - Discounts

59. Nas - Ultra Black

60. Spillage Village - End Of Daze

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/11/04/magazine/societal-collapse.html

What I listened to most besides songs by artists on this list:

Jazmine Sullivan’s live performances of Lost One and Pick Up Your Feelings

Other stuff that doesn’t really belong on a Rap list:

Liv.e, Brent Faiyaz, Helado Negro, Slauson Malone, Chronixx, Contour, King Krule, Kehlani, Moses Sumney, Thundercat, Soccer Mommy. 

Best books I read that were published in 2020: The Jakarta Method by Vincent Bevins and I Got A Monster by Brandon Soderberg and Baynard Woods

[callsignbaphomet]

30 Questions Tag

Thanks for the tag, @lordfenric! You’re an absolute darling!

Rules: Answer 30 questions about yourself and tag 20 others you wanna know more about 😊

1. Name/Nickname: Jace

2. Gender: enby

3. Star Sign: Aquarius

4. Height: 5,7

5. Time: 22:32

6. Birthday: February 16

7. Favorite bands/groups: Xandria,

8. Favorite solo artist: Weird Al Yankovic (can’t think of any others off top of my head)

9. Song stuck in my head: None, thank the gods. I always have something stuck in my head and it’s annoying as fuck.

10. Last Movie: John Wick: Chapter 3

11. Last Show: Lovecraft Country (but that was like mooooonths ago)

12. When did I create this blog: This one was in 2015. Previous one was made around late 2007/2008 but got hacked in 2015.

13. What do I post: Literally a mess of personal and reblogs with a lot of OC content. 

14. Last thing I Googled: anyway DuckDuckGo is King. But was looking for a way to get the Poser Hotkey for Skyrim SE to work bc the uploader decided to not really give clear instructions and I can’t remember how I got it to work last year.

15. Other blogs: @/codenamebaphomet (art blog), @/razzcherryjam (for just cute aesthetic stuff.) There are two more which are RP blogs but probably gonna delete the content in them. Not sure.

16. Do I get asks: Not often but I do appreciate the bit I get.

17. Why I chose my URL: Baphomet is Jelani’s code name/call sign.

18. Following: 230

19. Followers: 295

20. Average hours of sleep: Depends. 5 to 8.

21. Lucky number: 3 and 9

22. Instruments: None

23. What am I wearing: navy shorts, dark gray shirt.

24. Dream job: cryptid that publishes a banger every 3 years but nobody knows what I look like.

25. Dream trip: Norway and Russia

26. Favorite food: steamed dumplings.

27. Nationality: Puerto Rican

28. Favorite song: I’ve far too many to list, my dude.

29. Last book I read: Been way too long. I think it was a Dan Brown or a Tom Clancy book.

30. Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in: - John Wick universe. Believe it or not, not so much an assassin but within the network. - The Elder Scrolls universe. Mage werewolf! - Fallout universe. Totally would be a merc, come on.

Tagging: No one. If you saw this and wanna do it go right ahead!

#tag game

[unofficialkfamtranscripts]

King Falls AM - Episode 9: Jack in the Box Jesus

View on Google Docs

Summary: September 1, 2015 - An alleged sighting of the Lord & Savior at a downtown fast food restaurant has the residents of King Falls ready for deliverance, meanwhile Sammy & Ben try to navigate the flood waters of this revelation.

[podcast intro music]

Mayor Grisham Ladies and gentlemen, I promise you that while it is a terrible inconvenience that our modern electronics are out— this is not the end of the world. It could be a refreshing change of pace! Instead of reading, on your tablet, go down to the King Falls library, and check out the real thing! Instead of texting your BFF, go enjoy some pancake puppies at Rose’s! and have a face-to-face chat. This isn’t as bad as it seems— and it could be a blessing in disguise.

[KFAM intro music]

Sammy Good morning guys and dolls, you’re listening to King Falls AM—

Ben —That’s 660 on the radio dial.

Sammy And this is day 13 of what has been dubbed the King Falls Electrolocaust.

Ben This has easily been the hardest two weeks of my professional career.

Sammy It has been tough, but Ben and I want to thank you, and everyone out there listening, for the continuing support of the show.

Ben We got another doozy of a show for you tonight, King Falls. During hour two, we’ll be interviewing Maria Chandler, manager of the King Falls Apple store, and speaking about the effects the shut down has had on business.

Sammy As well as fielding your calls and talking about whatever’s clever this evening.

Ben I miss computers, Sammy. I miss the schedule. Our automated systems, my alarm clock. I’ve went through three the legal pads in two weeks!

Sammy [sympathetic] I know, buddy.

Ben I would literally watch Channel 13 if given the chance.

Sammy Wow. That’s saying a lot.

Ben [softly] I need my life back.

Sammy King Falls, how are you taking the modern electronic shut down of 2015? Are you refreshed? Reliving the mid-90s? Or— are you falling apart like our dear Ben Arnold?

Ben I’d listen to boy bands, to have a working smartphone. I’d wear, puka shell necklaces and sell my pog collection,[1] if you give me five minutes with my email.

Sammy Look on the bright side, Ben. You’re spending all your free time down at the library, and I haven’t called you out on it!

Ben That’s calling me out on it.

Sammy Eh-Well- and you know it’s nice hearing the birds tweeting instead of @kingfallsam. I’m not saying I don’t miss it but, I’m enjoying this a little bit.

Ben ♫It’s tearing up my heart when I’m with yoouu♫[2]

Sammy The references are not gonna bring back your goods.

Ben [hurt] Dammit Sammy, let’s just take a call from our jury-rigged phone system.

[bg music being provided by Chet’s record player]

Sammy You’re live with Sammy and Ben.

Cynthia Yeeaah, I wanna talk about the outages.

Sammy Cynthia Higgenbaum, ladies and gents. How are you doing during this electronic crisis?

Cynthia [blissful] I feel the warm embrace of the chastity belt that’s been placed on society. I’m relieved, de-stressed, marvelous!

Ben *chuckling* Whoa, heh, that’s- that’s a heck of a change!

Cynthia [suddenly aggressive] What are you trying to say, Ben?

Sammy It’s just you’re usually- you’ve been a little… pessimistic in the past.

Cynthia [mostly calm again] Ohhh, I still have problems; I’m full up with issues. But right now, I don’t have to worry about what websites my husband is perusing, what brain-dead TV my kids are watching— I’m at peace! It’s just me and my harlequin novels. Plus, with Jesus back and all—

Ben [jokingly suggestive] 50 Shades of Cynthia

Cynthia [angrily] Don’t be filthy Ben Arnold! I Know Your Mother!

Sammy I-I’m sorry, Cynthia— did you just say that Jesus is back?

Cynthia [gossipy tone] Have you guys not heard the news?

Ben Is she talking about Jesus Jesus?

Cynthia There’s only one.

Sammy Wellll, I think Mexico would disagree, but please tell us why you think Jesus—

Cynthia [snappy] I don’t think Sammy, I know! [softer] Earlier this evening, he was spotted glowing and speaking in tongues at Jack in the Box.[3]

Ben The one off Main Street or Red Oak Avenue?

Cynthia Ew, nobody does to Red Oak.

Sammy [softly] Jack-in-the-Box-Jesus.

Cynthia Oh, Hell no! I will not participate in that blasphemy. You’re gonna get smited—

Sammy Oh, I- I mean- I wasn’t- I’m sorry, I’m not meaning to, uh—

Cynthia Tell it to Satan! In Hell, Sammy! [hangs up forcefully]

[dial tone]

Ben This is big.

Sammy [slightly reluctant] If you or someone you know has had a sighting of *clears throat, Ben laughs* Jack in the Box Jesus please give us a call. Uh, 424-279-3858

Ben You’re on King Falls AM.

Deputy Troy Now I know what you’re thinking: how could the second coming of God’s only son happen and ol’ Troy here didn’t clue you in.

Ben Not what I was thinking.

Sammy What do you know Troy?

Deputy Troy Well I got a suspicious persons call out at ol’ Yack[sic] in the Box around 9. So, I hit the lights and cruised over to see what the fuss was about. And lo and behold, back by the dumpster with a mess of people looking on— there he was.

Sammy Now, are you really telling us that— [still reluctant] you saw, or, you believe you saw the son of God and the King of Kings bangin around outside the Jack In The Box?

Deputy Troy Well, he was a man. Somebody’s son, no doubt. Bearded. Good lookin’, if-if you’re into that sort of thing. He had a robe on—

Ben [cutting in]We can solve this right now. Was he white or was he black?

Deputy Troy He was more of a greenish color. Like a glow really.

Sammy The man had an aura around him.

Deputy Troy It was shinier than a damn Fukushima foxhound, fellas. Like, I felt a need to put on the old aviators, but I- I didn’t want to be cliché.

Sammy Alright, Troy. So, work with us here; you’re in the back of the Jack in the Box, there’s a uh, a Jesus-type guy—

Deputy Troy Just-a-ramblin’ on.

Ben Speaking in— tongues?

Deputy Troy Speaking in somethin. The last time I heard gibberish like that was comin’ from the back of my Chevy with Shell Snyder’s daughter.

Sammy So what happened next?

Deputy Troy Well a group of looky-loos had descended, as I said, and since it was only me, there was no perimeter set up yet. So I start ta approach this glowing Christ and somebody— Roy Higgins if you gotta know/— hollered out “It’s Jesus!” and the whole parking lot just went bonkers!

Ben Well, di-did you speak to the guy?

Deputy Troy Damn skippy. I told Roy that this was official police biz. And he shouldn’t be squawling around like a little baby.

Ben No, Jack in the Box Jesus.

Deputy Troy Oh, well no. I- I turned around and he was gone. Split right off into the woods, I suspect.

Sammy Did you follow him?

Deputy Troy Sammy. So you’re tellin me that you’d follow a 6-foot-tall and glowing perp into the woods??

Sammy [muttered] Point taken.

Ben So any other sightings?

Deputy Troy Well, not as of yet. But there were so many people they could’a had a revival in that parkin’ lot. So I’m guessin’ that’s how word spread so quickly. And without internet, too? That’s pretty damn impressive.

Sammy Is there an APB out or anything?

Deputy Troy For what, dilly-dallying around with a jumbo jack? He wasn’t doin nothin bad. Just acting a fool— Lord forgive me— where he shouldn’t’a been.

Ben And glowing.

Deputy Troy That’s right.

Sammy Well, please let us know if get any more info on this, Troy. We’d appreciate it.

Deputy Troy You bet. I’ll be sure to keep you boys and the listenin’ public informed. But if you should happen to stumble upon Jesus? Do not approach, bother or pester. You just call up Ol’ Deputy Troy.

[hangs up]

Ben …or your local church. [dial tone]

Sammy Deputy Troy, ladies and gents. Now we’re just going to take a quick break and hear from one of our new sponsors: Carl’s Candy!

Ben Yeah I don- I don’t think we should play this

Sammy What? Ads pay the bills remember?

Ben Folks, as a workaround with all the tech issues, uh, I went out and recorded a few spots of some of our sponsors- uh, new and old. Emphasis on Old, after this one.

Sammy Okay, so the audio is bad.

Ben *sucks in breath* You could say that.

Sammy This company’s paid up! They’re scheduled in one of your many notebooks. Let’s do this. We’ll be right back folks.

[slow, creepy xylophone music]

Carl [voice is soft and creepy, like you expect from a guy who offers kids candy from the back of a van] Do you know why they call it a blow pop? I sure do. And if you come on down to Creepy Carl’s Candy, I’ll fill ya up! I mean in. [whispering] It’ll be our little secret.- A sweet tooth is a terrible thing to waste. Come find a new sugar daddy to butter your fingers at Creepy Carl’s! Come in and grab a sack of Carl’s Boston baked beans while you’re at it. Oops, one fell in my pocket. Free if you can find it! *Ben groaning “oh no”* Every child’s welcome at Creepy Carl’s, big mouths, small mouths, white mouths and brown mouths. We’re equal opportunity! And just cause they shut down the ol’ brick and mortar doe’n’t mean you can’t buy it from my van. Be sure to ask your parents’ permission first, kids. Creepy Carl’s Candy, where the suckers don’t suck themselves. [Police sirens]

Deputy Troy [through megaphone] Carl, turn off your ignition. You are too close to the school zone.

Carl I gotta go! Catch ya later [tires squealing]

Ben [desperate, in bg] The mic!

[sirens fade out]

Sammy … Never again.

Ben I tried to tell you.

Sammy I know. Let’s never speak about this.

Ben [whispering] I need a shower.

Sammy *sigh* …Moving forward, we were just talking about a sighting that happened a few hours ago around the 9 o’clock hour, just off Main Street. It seems quite a few people believe that we may be experiencing a religious phenomenon. Perhaps the second coming of–

Ben [slightly gruff impression] “Don’t call it a comeback, I’ve been here for years!”[4]

Sammy *chuckles* Right, let’s go to the phone lines.

Ben [happily] That was good though right?

Sammy It was good. Good evening, you’re live on King Falls AM.

Reverend Hawthorne Ask and ye shall receive! King Falls-uh. It is the gooD Reverend Xavier “Right. With. Gaawwd-uh” Hawthorne.

Ben Reverend Hawthorne? Are you back in town?

Reverend Hawthorne [speaking over Ben] The One and Only, and we are turnin’ the wagons arounD as we speaK-uh. And we’re headin’ back to my flocK-uh. How’re y’all feelin’ tonighT, King Falls- I said How are you, Feelin’!

Sammy [softly] We’re feeling alright.

Reverend Hawthorne Praise GoD-uh! Hallelujah! Now a little birdie, uh-just chirp’n on my shoulder, told me there was a SighTing. A Vision. Dare I say it, eyeballs were laid on our Lord and Saviour at a burger joint in our fair city.

Sammy Yeah, about 9 o’clock here.

Reverend Hawthorne Could it Be-uh! that our 5-week-revival worked. Could it Be-uh! that our prayers have been brought forth the lamb of God-uh. Can I get an amen!

Ben Reverend Hawthorne we—

Reverend Hawthorne Amen! This miracle-uh, this sight from our God-uh, perched on a Mountain of Sanctity, says that he is ready to lead-uh, his most Highly Favored, Congregation bacK to the promised land. Gimme some organ, Deacon Reggie [organ music begins playing in bg]

Sammy [aside] Do you think Reggie has to wheel that thing around just in case?

Ben This is getting good.

Reverend Hawthorne Play it dirty, brother. We are going Home-uh. Take us back to Calvary, take us BACK-uh! … Samuel, Benjamin may I ask you gentlemen if you have a relationship-uh with the Author of the E-ternal Sal-vation; [organ goes silent] [softly] are ya saved?

Sammy I’m—

Reverend Hawthorne Then let me tell y’all, [organ starts again] because if you aren’t-uh, I’m coming back to town. One weekend only, the Xavier “Right with GoD-uh” Hawthorne Experience will be wheelin’ bacK into King Falls Fairgrounds this very night-uh. We are hoping to get One- On- One with the Risen Christ and start preparin’ for Kingdom Come. But just like old Xavier, you gotta come on down-uh so we can get you TurnT uP With GoD-uh. [click, dial tone]

Sammy Xavier? Hello?

Ben He’s, gone. Sammy.

Sammy Well, you heard it here first folks. Xavier Hawthorn’s Travelling Roadshow is coming back to town. Will Jack in the Box Jesus make his stage debut?

Ben [muttering] Tch- Jesus.

Sammy Literally.

Ben Do you think we could get an interview? Would it be Mr. Christ? Or-

Sammy Something tells me that there is something more to the story than what we’ve heard so far, Ben.

Ben Tsk. I get that, but this is King Falls, Sammy.

Sammy What a perfect place to make a return: a rinky-dink town with no internet.

Ben Line- [muttered] dammit, there’s only one line. Uh, you’re on with Sammy and Ben.

Archie Good evenin’ fellas!

[small dogs barking in bg]

Sammy Is thi-

Archie It’s Archie Simmons!

Ben He-ey Archie, how’s Princess Von Barktooth?

Archie Well, I do have news concernin’ the princess, and I just want to possibly recant some info from our previous call a few weeks back.

Sammy About the werewolves?

Archie Correct.

Sammy Wow. I mean, you sounded pretty convinced that you saw a werewolf.

Archie And now I’m saying that maybe I was misinformed.

Sammy I think you should probably tell Troy and the Sheriff’s Office, Archie.

Archie *giggles* You silly Sally, Troy’s on his way over now

Ben Why the change of heart, Archie?

Archie Well, new information has come to light boys, I mean with the Divine One making his triumphant, and let’s be honest, dramatic return to King Falls.

Sammy You’re talking about the glowing man at the Jack in the Box?

Archie [softly] Let’s be real here, it’s the J-Man, of course a heavenly carpenter would pick King Falls. So many projects to keep busy with.

Sammy [dryly] Uh-huh.

Archie Plus, with the princess and this new information, we have to believe this.

Ben You keep saying that, what’s going on with the princess Archie?

Archie She’s in a delicate condition.

Sammy Oh, of course. I mean she’s been through a lot.

Archie *giggles* No Sammy, I mean she’s with child. Ch-children. Puppies? There’s a bun in my $2400 oven boys!

Sammy Wait. She’s pregnant? From the werewolf attack?!

Archie [softly again] Well, that’s the thing. While I believed in my heart of hearts that the hillbilly beast from the trailer park had gotten to the princess, I think…

Ben What. What do you think Archie?

Archie I mean it was dark, I know it was a full moon but I was scared and recently awakened, sleep in my eyes etc. and so on.

Sammy You don’t think it was the werewolves.

Archie I’m thinking with this new evidence and the fact that I saw a long-haired, bearded man in a Biblical Act— Yeah I-I- I think- there’s a chance it could have been [whispering] the man upstairs.

Ben [stern] Upstairs from whom?

Archie Mankind! Come on Ben, get with the picture!

Sammy He’s saying that because there’s been a holy sighting tonight- which we should all be a little bit doubtful of- then maybe it wasn’t the werewolves, but the Alpha and the Omega.

Ben No! NO WA- That’s too much, Archie. You saw the werewolf. He looked you in the eye and howled at the moon.

Archie I don’t know what kind of weird things Jesus is into.

Ben No way. This is ludicrous.

Archie You just wait and see Ben! The princess may have lost her Westminster dreams, but it was all part of God’s plan.

Ben We’ve got to go Archie *laughs* you’re crossing a line that we cannot cross at King Falls AM.

Archie Judge Not, lest ye be judged boys. Kardashians[sic] 3:16 or a Psalm or something. I think Troy’s coming around the bend anyways boys, laters!

[click, dial tone]

Sammy You know? When I walk in the door every night I say to myself, “Nothing’s gonna surprise me tonight” And more times than not, I am just Dead Wrong.

Ben Let’s give the phone a rest for a moment, Sammy, the record player is just begging to be used.

Sammy *chuckles* Not a bad idea Ben.

[phone pings]

Ben What? *gasps* My phone! [several pings] OHH it’s back baby!

Sammy Me too! What’s going on?

[pinging continues]

Ben What’s up! Oh my God, I could literally kiss the apparition of Steve Jobs.

Sammy Hey, I’ve got a text here, Unknown Number.

Ben Okay, what does it say?

Sammy “I- I know why this happened. I know how to stop it. We need to talk“

Ben What?

Sammy No, that’s what the text said.

Ben You don’t think this has anything to do with… Thank You, Jesus.

[KFAM outro]

[CREDITS]

References:

[1] Pogs - Pogs, generically called milk caps, is a game that was popular among children during the early-mid 1990s. The name pog originates from POG, a brand of juice made from passionfruit, orange, and guava; the use of POG bottle caps to play the game preceded the game's commercialization.

[2] “It’s tearin’ up my heart when I’m with you” - Lyrics to the song “Tearin’ Up My Heart” by NSYNC, an American boy band from the mid-90s

[3] Jack in the Box - American fast food chain, primarily along the west coast and southern states.

[4] “Don’t call it a comeback, I’ve been here for years” - lyrics to the song “Mama Said Don’t Knock You Out” by LL COOL J (also came out in the 90s)

#king falls am #king falls #kfam #sammy stevens #ben arnold #kfam transcripts #kfam ep9 #cynthia higgenbaum #mayor grisham #troy krieghauser #archie simmons #jack in the box jesus #reverend hawthorne

[ranger-kellyn]

11 Favorite Excerpts

In honor if it being the 11 year anniversary of the first fic I ever posted, Platinum Bound, I thought I’d list out 10 of my favorite excerpts from everything I’ve posted so far, 1 from something I haven’t posted yet, and then kind of just. Talk about it~

As always, feel free to talk to me about any of my fics, no matter how old or new~ I’m very vain~<3

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1 - Come With Me - Prologue - 03/02/2015 - Completed

A day that was supposed to be filled with sorrow and mourning had turned out to be very lovely. The cold that had long persisted since November had decided to lighten its icy grip on this one day in particular. It was almost a tragedy in itself that the weather failed to match the mood by pouring a relentless downpour. Rain was fit for a funeral. Not sunshine.

The opening to Come With Me has always had a special place in my heart, and while I know my writing has gotten better since then, I always hold up this opening as like...my premium brand, I suppose.  I love the mood the prologue sets up for Siebold’s side of the story.  Mismatched weather.  His parents having the same death date.  A sense of odd relationship dynamics with them.  Clear indication that there’s going to be a lot of conflict with Jean as shown by Diantha, Siebold’d childhood friend, who has a clear disdain towards him.  CWM may not be my BEST WORK, but it’s probably one of my favorites.  ALSO....come on...the restaurant’s name is Apple of The Earth, which is a direct translation of pomme de terre, which is French for potato.  And like???? i just get a little kick out of it every time

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2 - It Takes Two - 12/16/2014 - Oneshot

Siebold chuckled.  “A water dark type?  My, my.  You’ve already put yourself at a disadvantage. Cress shook his head.  “Don’t give away your secret ingredient just yet, Siebold.  Leave something to the imagination, please,” he teased.

If there is ONE THING I LOVE it’s writing flirty banter for these two, and this fic if full of it.  My first fic for Cress/Siebold, staking my claim on the pool noodle that is this ship.  I AM the captain of this pool noodle

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3 - Second Chances - Chapter 7 - 06/14/2017 - Ongoing

“It was supposed to be me!” . . . Shaking, she stopped herself in the front hallway.  Looking over the large, glass-famed map, she felt as though she was leaving her own body as she slammed herself against it in a last ditch effort to feel something other than emotional pain.  In an effort to put a physical wound to her emotional one. 

There’s plenty of happier lines from this fic I could choose.  Ch 10 had a section I was considering instead, but I think this emotionally charged section has always stood out for me. I like to generally characterize Cynthia as someone who is in control of her emotions, or at the very least, is very good at compartmentalizing things, but here, she absolutely loses it.  No rationality.  No seeking help.  Just raw pain.  It was supposed to be me. Because it was!  It absolutely was!  In the previous chapter you learn that Diantha had fully intended to propose to her!  But was instead manipulated by her mother and manager into leaving Cynthia.  While Cynthia didn’t know that, we do, and that makes that line so much more painful to me.  I swear.  ONE DAY.  I’ll actually finish this fic.

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4 - Fortune and Fame - Chapter 1 - 03/23/2016 - Completed

“The best part of that outfit would be taking it off.” Her mouth turns into a smile. “I should think so,” she tells you.

Second person POV is a HUGE pain in the ass, but I still love this silly little fic, and I love this silly little moment EVEN MORE.  What can I say.  I love flirty banter. This whole fic was an absolute experiment, and while it certainly could be better, considering 2POV is not something I regularly work with, I’ve never been too upset with it.

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5 - Stockholm - Chapter 4 - 06/20/2016 - Ongoing

“You’re my mission and my mission alone.  I don’t need outside help,” he tells me. I catch myself about to laugh.  “Figured you would welcome it seeing as whatever you think you’re doing to me clearly isn’t working.” He moves closer, enough for me to feel the warmth of his body, but it’s only when I think he’s looking at my lips do I come to my senses, pulling my legs up to my person, and pushing back up against the wall. “I would say it’s working just fine.”

i like to think of this fic as me playing in a sandbox.  i don’t REALLY know what i’m doing, but i’m having fun, and that’s all that matters. This is a fic I had been thinking about for the longest time.  I abandoned it back in 2016.  I don’t really remember why, but I posted the first update early this year, and I just.  I’ve been loving it since.  I haven’t played in first person in SUCH a long time, it’s just nice to play in the space, and explore a darker emotion I guess.  Game verse Commander Saturn/Dawn is always a weakness of mine

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6 - Shadows of My Heart - Chapter 4 - 02/22/2011 - Completed

Looking at Kellyn, I notice that he has taken his jacket off and is now offering it to me. Shaking my head, I tell him that I can't take it, even though I would love nothing more than to take him up on his offer. He walks closer, smiling as he places his jacket over me. Now, the only thing I hear is the sound of the rain bouncing off of Kellyn's jacket, and the sound my own heartbeat. I'd have to be crazy or dead to not be blushing right now, and obviously my pulse is still going…

if you’ve followed me for a few years, you might think this is a weird pick for me.  i complain about it a lot.  i experience a lot of visceral cringe whenever i reread it (Like i did just now searching for a section i liked) But that’s why I like it.  I love having this visible benchmark of where I’ve come from, and where my ideals have shifted to.  I’ve always written Kellyn as my Ideal Man™© and in this fic he is suCH A “NICE GUY” AND IT’S JUST. SO BAD. I’M SO GLAD I’M NOT WITH THE KIND OF PERSON I USED TO WISH I WAS WITH. This fic is, at best, clumsy.  Younger me was venting a LOT of stuff. Everything I put Rhythmi through in the fic, I was dealing with irl, and NOT handling them well.  I never recommend this for reading, but I list it here because it’s like looking in a time capsule.  

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7 - Washington Blues - Chapter 2 - 04/30/2012 - Abandoned Work

Looking back up at me, the afternoon sun shines on her face.  As if I needed to be reminded that she is very pretty.  “I believe that it is too soon to be giving a definite answer, but,” she pauses to brush some hair behind her ear, “I do believe I am going to like it here.” I nod, liking the answer she has provided.  I put my pink bag over my shoulder, and step down the stairs.  “That’s good to hear.  I do hope you come to love our little band,” I say, putting a little emphasis on “our”.  Hopefully she will start using that term as well.

This fic has been abandoned since 2012, but as I was rereading it just now, I...felt a weird urge to give it a second chance?  Marching band was my EVERYTHING in high school.  It was basically my personality.  It and Homestuck.  If nothing else, I think I might give this fic a redo, because it’s something my younger self would have loved.  I had so many ideas I wanted to explore and I think it would be a fun space to explore. Just reading it I got the most tactile memories of band camp, from the sounds, all the way down to the god awful smells.  One day I’ll give this fic another go, but probably in 3rd person lmao.  Also, it’s kind of funny.  I remember holding this fic up as like.  My Magnum Opus.  I considered chapter 1 to be the BEST thing I had written up to that point. Now? It’s so fucking D RY......and no real person talks like they all do l m a o I love being able to see how far I’ve come. 

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8 - Hindsight - Sometime Feb 2014?  - Oneshot for an old RP group

This question led him to placing both of his hands in his lap.  “I would never describe her as winter.  It’s the season she hates the most.  From what I’ve gathered during our travels together, understandably so,” he answered, not meeting her eyes. 

While this fic is OLD it holds a very special place in my heart.  I had stopped writing for a while.  For about 2 years nothing I wrote ever really panned out, and joining that RP group was literally the best thing I could have done for my creativity.  It was so much fun, and I met some truly incredible people thanks to it.  Literally, everything I’ve written since I attribute to that group.  <3 I may not talk to most of them anymore, but I have some of the best memories of that time, and I just.  Genuinely don’t think I would have HALF of what I have written now if it hadn’t been for their support.  <3

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9 - Ours For The Taking - Chapter 2 - 01/28/2012 - Abandoned Work

Killing is in the nature of almost every Pokémon, but we humans have inhibited that out for the most part. It doesn't take much to trigger the instinct though. A couple kills and then they thirst for blood.

Now i know this looks like a WACK ASS PICK.  It’s been abandoned since 2012.  It’s bad.  It’s gore.  It’s bad.  But that’s exactly why I picked it.  That, and I know it would chap Farla’s ass bc she told me years ago how awful this fic was. The whole reason my writing confidence took a blow.  I can look back and know that this fic wasn’t great, but I hate for my younger self that they were knocked down like that.  You can’t learn the boundaries of your writing until you try to push them.  Maybe I could have turned into a great gore/horror writer if I hadn’t been knocked down?  Who knows?  But because of that negative experience, I now approach all comments I leave on fics with “unconditional positive regard”.  I firmly believe if someone wants con-crit they’ll ask for it, and even then, I’m not someone who is going to offer up that criticism.  That’s not my jam.  I’m just here for a good time.  This fic may be bad, but that’s why I love it.  I love how over the top, 2Edgy4me the two chapters are. 

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10 - Getaway Car - Chapter 5 - 01/01/2019 - Ongoing

Pulling away just enough to make them look at one another, Cynthia looked her over.  She was getting more drunk admissions than she ever thought she would, and she was in no frame of mind to worry about pushing her luck.  “How did that make you feel?” she asked. She let her hand trail down her arm as she spoke.  “Grounded.  Like nothing else in the world mattered except us in that moment.  I wasn’t worried about filming, deadlines, what people might say or think, or– anything, really.  All that mattered was the calm you brought me, and how without meaning to you’ve made me feel like the most important person in the room.”

It’s no secret that Getaway Car is like.  MY BABY.  This is MY FIC.  MY BABY.  I CHERISH THIS FIC FOR SO MANY REASONS. I like venting through characters, and this fic is no exception.  But I loved writing this moment specifically, because it just...I think it encapsulates everything Diantha has been looking for.  She lives a charmed, chaotic life.  Up to that point in the fic, she’s with a man who can’t really be bothered to give her the time of day, but also can’t handle the idea of letting her go.  Without meaning to, without necessarily trying to, Cynthia makes her feel like the most important person in the room.  She grounds her, and someone who lives a star-studded life needs that.  This fic is my baby.  My everything.  It’s probably what I’m known for at this point, and I’m A-OK with that because these two are my everything.  (ALSO, I specifically posted this fic when I did to get Farla to leave me a review, and had a good laugh about it when she did.  My “bat shit crazy” plot device has ended up being my most popular fic~)

--

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11 - Namtaflu - Chapter _ - Draft from NaNoWriMo 2019

The sound of something rising to the surface of the water attracted everyone’s attention.  Turning their eyes towards the water, one by one, countless Starmie and Staryu began to surface, floating atop the water, their bright gem center’s shining in the moonlight.  “Oh, wow,” Bianca said, holding the Audino closer to herself.  "What are they doing?” Hilbert asked, turning himself so he wasn’t having to strain to look at them.  Cheren shrugged.  “They’ve always done this.” "They’re looking at the stars,” Hilda added.  “It’s what Nona would always tell me.  She said she read it in a book somewhere.  They surface at night to look at the stars, and they’ll even start blinking here soon.”  As she said it, from out in the distance, quick flashes of red began to move along the waves, reminding both her and Cheren of fireflies from further south.  Soon enough, the entire shoreline was filled with the water pokémon blinking away at the stars, almost as if they were communicating with each other, or even something else.  A few Audino continued to sit with them, everyone moved to silence by the display, afraid to make a single noise, not wanting to scare them at all and make them stop.  The display moved in waves, like a heartbeat, ebbing and flowing.  At times they were bright enough to cast a glow onto the shore, and at others it seemed like they had collectively stopped for the night. Once Broadway and Manhattan had decided to retire for the night, the group came to an agreement that it was time they retired for the night as well.  They had stayed up long past sundown, but it had been worth every second.   

I won’t be posting this fic WELL until my three current ongoing fics are completed, but this fic is pretty much everything to me.  I first got the idea for this fic back in 2013, my senior year of high school.  I wrote the first draft my first NaNoWriMo in 2014, and did a second draft of it last year.  This fic has evolved SO MUCH, but this last draft is where I’m REALLY happy with it.  I firmly believe there’s never a “right time” to write a fic, but I also believe this fic absolutely benefited from me not posting it after that first draft.  They’re almost two entirely different stories.  The original had a lot of unhealthy relationship dynamics, and this time, i decided, FUCK THAT, and now it’s a hilda/hilbert/cheren/bianca poly fic ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ I can’t wait for the day when I actually get to share this fic with the world. 

#writing tag #my fics #i spENT ALL DANG DAY ON THIS

[ackermancurse]

OOH I'm happy to hear about blurb night cause I'm so so SUPER excited for Far From Love!!! Can you expand on a little idea I have? I think peter would be the kind of guy to save every little memento he can of his girl. Like every receipt/ticket, every flower shes ever given, a keychain she bought him, etc. Like his bedroom is FULL of her things because it makes him so happy to see them and think of the great memory each item is attached to! I just love a whipped Peter Parker for his girl xx

omg i’m so happy that you’re excited!!! also this idea is absolutely ADORABLE 

.

Peter Parker was a helpless romantic who just so happened to get the girl of his dreams in high school and was able to keep her to now, their last year of college. 

You made Peter’s day. You were one of the main reasons he got out of bed every morning for the past 8 years. You were the one.

One day while the two of you were getting ready for your 8 year anniversary dinner you were looking for one of your gold bracelets that Peter had bought you for your 5 year anniversary.

“Ugh Peter do you know where it is? I’ve looked everywhere!” you yell from your shared bedroom. It was a complete mess. 

Dropping to the floor you thought maybe it had fallen under the bed from the last time you wore it and left it on your bedside table.

Your hand stretched out as far as it was able to and you felt it, “Found it!” you touched something else as well. Something that felt hard.

Huh that’s weird. You never put anything under the bed.

You pull out the bracelet and place it on your wrist but look underneath the bed to see a big black box. You manage to drag the box out despite its weight. 

Seriously what the hell was in this?

You sit cross-legged on the floor and place the box in front of you opening the lid. A bunch of random things were stacked to the brim.

A Delmar’s receipt dated 8 years back. Two packs of sour gummy worms. Two number 5′s with pickles (smashed down real flat). $10 total. Your first date with Peter. It was at a park and he brought you what he called “The best sandwiches in Queens.”

You smile.

A plastic sandwich bag filled with sand and a few seashells. Coney Island November 2015 was labeled on it in black sharpie. That’s the day Peter asked you to be his girlfriend. You laughed when he started to fill this bag, “I wanna remember this!” You didn’t think he actually kept it.

A bunch of pressed flowers in individually laminated sheets. Each with random dates. Each was from a bouquet of flowers that Peter bought for you on the most random occasions. “Sorry one of the flowers got smushed on the way here so there’s only 1.”

A movie ticket to see Star Wars The Last Jedi. You treated Peter for his birthday and he kept kissing you the whole movie. “Babe you’re not even watching the movie!” “How can I when the best girl in the world is sitting next to me?”

A dollar bill with a sticky note, ‘Y/n lent me $5 so I could buy a bagel and this was the change 3/9/20′ You laughed. Peter hadn’t eaten anything that day so you gave $5 so he could buy something small while you went to lecture. “The bagels are ridiculously pricey here sorry babe.”

A plastic spoon in another sandwich bad from your favorite ice cream place. This one was labeled, ‘When I finally told y/n I’m Spiderman.’ He took you guys out for ice cream and you sat on a random rooftop. “I can’t believe you actually kept this from me this long!” “Guess I am pretty good with secrets.”

A parking ticket labeled ‘Got caught making out in my car… 5 houses down from y/n’s parent’s house.’ Oh god you remember being so embarrassed. “Peter I told you to read the No Parking sign!” “Well if I did then we wouldn’t have gotten to make out tonight would we?”

A stack of birthday cards you have given to Peter over the last 8 years. You made sure to always get him the funniest ones. “Who would’ve thought that I have the funniest girlfriend in the world? These never get old.”

A copy of your signed apartment papers from 3 years ago. You guys wanted to live together so bad that when Peter was able to get a loan from the bank you immediately bought this place. “Living with my favorite girl and waking up to her every morning? What else could I ask for?”

A receipt for a jewelers dated to a couple months ago. It was a few thousand dollars. Huh you never got a piece of jewelry. You kept reading it and that’s when you see ‘engagement ring.’

“Hey babe sorry I– Oh gosh you weren’t supposed to see this,” Peter starts rushing to place everything back into the box. You continued looking at the receipt and your heart was pounding in your ears. Engagement ring.

Peter noticed you quiet and finally looked to see you holding a piece of paper. He grabs it gently from your fingertips and you stare at him wide-eyed. He reads the paper and his body goes numb. Good job you idiot. You blew your cover. It all came down to this. He wanted to do this after dinner but nothing can ever really be planned for.

“D-Did I read that right?” you ask and Peter grabs your hands and stands the two of you up. He sighs and his hands are shaking like crazy.

“So I guess the cat’s out of the bag… I wanted to do this after dinner but um…” He takes another deep breath, “Y/n you have made me the best version of myself possible. Every day for the past 8 years I wondered why I was the guy that you fell for? Why was I the guy who was lucky to call you his girlfriend? Why was I the guy who had someone who made loving so damn easy? Y/n you are everything and more that I have ever wanted in a girl. I am so grateful we have been able to journey life with you by my side but I was kind of hoping that you’d want to stick around and journey it with me for the rest of our lives?”

Peter got down on one knee and pulled a small black velvet box from his pocket, “Y/n Y/l/n will you marry me?”

To say that there wasn’t a dry eye between the both of you is an absolute lie. You two were crying like babies.

8 years now turned to infinite.

“Peter Parker I would love to marry you,” You reply and he springs upwards smashing his lips onto yours.

Peter Parker was the man you dreamt of since you were a little girl reading about the knight in shining armor. 

Your foreheads rested against one another’s, “Wow we actually did it,” Peter whispered and you laughed.

He pulled away from you and placed the beautiful ring on your left finger.

Peter Parker was yours forever. Many more memories to make. Many more things for him to collect. Looks like he was gonna need a bigger box.

#peter parker #tom holland #spiderman #marvel #spiderman ffh #ffh #far from home #spiderman far from home #mcu #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #peter parker x y/n #spiderman x reader #spiderman x you #spiderman x y/n #tom holland fanfiction #peter parker fanfiction #tom holland smut #peter parker smut #blurb

[huahsu]

YEAR OF THE BUTTERFLY

previous years: A SONG THAT DEGRADES EACH TIME YOU PLAY IT :: 2018 A CHURCH AND JOHN LENNON’S “IMAGINE” :: 2017 SIKH DEVOTIONAL MUSIC :: 2016 SPOOKY BLACK :: 2015 this year: I’ve spent the past few months working on a book that I’ve always wanted to write but never figured I’d make the time for. At a really basic level, it’s about listening to music with friends. A couple weeks ago, I devoted a few days to reading a stack of books and articles about the emotional experience of music. They were written by philosophers, critics, cognitive scientists, historians. I took from them two overarching questions. First, what does it mean to assign a piece of music a feeling, like “happy” or “sad?” Is the song itself “sad,” or does it just model a kind of sadness proximate to how we feel? What elements of a song do this? The fraying of a voice? Minor keys? Tempo? Is it all a trick of memory? None of the answers really satisfied me, since music is such an intimate thing. A song makes us feel a way for reasons that are often either blindingly obvious or remote and mysterious. An expert can tell you that humans are wired to feel joy when a certain configuration of notes are struck in tandem, but maybe it just reminds you of looking at the front door.

The other question was whether music itself facilitates any unique emotional possibilities--a mode of feeling that we can’t get anywhere else. Music doesn’t mimic the real world, it doesn’t make arguments. One writer suggested that the thrill of music was its capacity to remind you, foremost, that music can thrill you. In essence, each time we hear something new and feel something, we are being reminded of all the times we’ve felt this way before. We’re living in the echo of a former enchantment. Maybe you’ll hear it again, process it, assign it a genre or context, and the mystique evaporates. But music is one of those things that doesn’t happen on our time. We don’t stand in front of it and train our gaze on this quadrant or that. We don’t flip back to make sure we didn’t miss something. You can’t slow it down as it is happening, you merely let it happen. 

In the spring, the Museum of Chinese in America in Manhattan showed “The Moon Represents My Heart,” an exhibition I worked on with MOCA’s curators, Herb and Andrew. The basic idea was to look at all the ways music had enriched immigrant life, from early opera troupes touring America’s Chinatowns to karaoke bars, church choirs, and after-school violin lessons, fifties doo-wop trios to garage punks and self-taught dance music producers. There’s no legible tradition of Chinese American music so we just wanted to present it as a textured and everyday thing--the experience of the fan could be as legitimate as that of a Mando-pop superstar. While working on the show, people would often ask me for a playlist, but I didn’t really have any to share. It wasn’t really about the music itself, which could sound derivative or amateur to some. It was about the fact that they sought to express themselves through music, in contexts that made them outliers and oddballs. I came to love all the music in our show because of that second-hand thrill--that sense that these moments had been deeply meaningful to everyone in the room. 

You can hear it in the voice of Stephen Cheng, who ended up being the show’s most memorable star. He put out a rocksteady gem in the sixties and then spent the next decade in New York trying to get the Dragon Seeds, his Chinese “folk-rock” band, off the ground. Cheng died years ago, but Andrew found his children, who brought some reels of unreleased music to the museum. I remember staring at them, wondering what was on them. It was a kind of anticipation and wonder that I often miss, when the operative feeling I associate with music-listening on the internet is the frenzy of opening and closing windows, clicking links, proving my humanity to a captcha.

Stephen’s singing wasn’t great, but it was perfect. His version of “Yesterday,” all warbly and over-the-top, has now supplanted the original for me. Somehow, we played some of Stephen’s songs on the radio, including one about butterflies and love. Somehow, one of the people listening was a butterfly expert, and he was about to marry another butterfly expert. Who knew such a song was possible, the groom-to-be told me. Stephen was too obscure to be properly forgotten. Or maybe his song was just dormant all these years. It awaited just the right listener, and now, over forty years later, he would get his propers, sandwiched somewhere between the vows and Kool and the Gang, a couple minutes of people scratching their heads, searching for the right smile, saying Can you believe this? to one another.

### TEENAGE DREAM

Warren Defever/His Name is Alive, All the Mirrors in the House

EXCELLENT USE OF “P.S.K.” Kindness feat. Robyn, “Warning” EXCELLENT USE OF A TELEPHONE Mavi, “Guernica” TECHNICALLY 2018, BUT TAIWAN’S ANSWER TO COIL, JOY DIVISION, ETC SEN, “The Cicada” SAME (2018) BUT TAIWANESE DREAMBOAT VIBES Linion, “Can’t Find” ANOTHER, KINDA BILLY BRAGG-Y Wayne’s So Sad, “Wanderer’s Guide to Taipei” SUMMER IN TAIWAN, AND SO I BOUGHT A LOT OF CDs, INCLUDING THE LIMITED EDITION SIGNED 9M88 DEBUT 9m88, “Love Rain” THEY ARE VERY INTO THE “FUTURE SOUL” THING Andrea, “You Better Kiss Me” THIS GUY HAS THE SAME NAME AS MY COUSIN Yo Lee demos LOTS OF BACKPACKS Hsien, Lately AMAZED TO SEE LIM GIONG REISSUES THERE, THIS IS THE DANCE ALBUM HE RECORDED IN 1994 IN THE UK BEFORE BRINGING RAVE CULTURE BACK TO TAIWAN Lim Giong, Entertainment World (IF YOU ARE UNFAMILIAR WITH LIM GIONG, THIS IS THE GREATEST SONG EVER Lim Giong, “A Pure Person) AND HERE’S 9m88 COVERING “PLASTIC LOVE” 9m88, “Plastic Love” AIR SUPPLYERS Oso Leone, Gallery Love Sunset Rollercoaster, Vanilla Villa I ENJOYED THIS WHEN IT CAME OUT BUT HONESTLY FORGOT IT CAME OUT THIS YEAR, OR THAT I ENJOYED, BUT FOR THE LONGEST TIME MY “2019″ EMAIL DRAFT JUST READ “CHIEF KEEF HNIA KAIL MALONE (sic)” Chief Keef and Zaytoven, GloToven

ANOTHER DEVASTATING DUO Pink Siifu and Akai Solo, Black Sand

MYSTIC CHORDS OF MEMORY Kali Malone, The Sacrificial Code Clarice Jensen, Drone Studies I AM A SLOW WALKER, BUT I NEVER WALK BACKWARDS Michael Vincent Waller, Moments ana roxane - ~~~ A THOUSAND POINTS OF LIGHT Caleb Giles, Under the Shade Medhane, Own Pace WE ARE THE ONES WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR Angel Bat Dawid, The Oracle Art Ensemble of Chicago, We are on the Edge READ JOSEPH JARMAN Joseph Jarman, Black Case I and II RESPECT YOURSELF Helado Negro, This is How You Smile Deb Never, “Swimming” LET’S DO IT AGAIN Tommy Holohan & Casper Hastings- RVE001 Eris Drew, Raving Disco Breaks LET’S DO IT AGAIN AGAIN, BUT SMEARED Burial, Tunes 2011-2019 OR PERHAPS YOU WERE THERE Callisto, Guidance is Eternal, Part I PERHAPS YOU WERE THERE FOR MICROHOUSE AND PEAK MEGO AND BLOGS Barker, Debiasing AT A WAREHOUSE PARTY, ABLE TO HEAR TOO MANY FLOORS, ROOMS, SOUNDS AT ONCE, IN A GOOD WAY Dies Smely, “Neptune Rises” AT A WAREHOUSE PARTY, BUT THINKING ABOUT PLUNDER, THE TRAIL OF TEARS, THE SANCTITY OF EARTH Kelman Duran, 13 Month A KIND OF BLUE Steve Hiett, Down on the Road by the Beach POSSIBLY MY MOST PLAYED ALBUM, 2019 Galcher Lustwerk, Information R.I.P. PRINCE, FOREVER AND ALWAYS Serpente, Parada Moodymann, Sinner Nelson Bandela, Purprain THE OPPOSITE OF “I AM A GOD” Nelson Bandela - “i'm mortal” YOU GOT ME Shane Eagle feat. Santi and Bas, “Vanya” HARD TO BELIEVE JAZMINE SULLIVAN REMAINS SO OVERLOOKED Kindness feat Jazmine Sullivan, “Hard to Believe” WATCH FOR THE HOOK Quando Rondo, “Gun Powder”

ANTE UP Polo G feat Lil Tjay, “Pop Out” “PANTS GON BE SAGGIN TIL I’M FORTY” Freddie Gibbs and Madlib, “Thuggin”

“WHY THEY LET THE TERMINATOR WIN THE ELECTION?” Sault, “Why Why Why Why Why”

HOLLOW BONES Showbiz and Milano, “Guillotine” LADI LUV, “GOOD TO THE LAST DUB” City Girls, “Act Up” MONEY BOSS PLAYERS Benny the Butcher feat 38 Spesh and Jadakiss, “Sunday School” Roc Marciano, “Richard Gear” WARP 30 (1989-2019) Droop-E, “The Droop-E Way” INTERSTELLAR SPACE, PROBABLY KILLER LIVE Blacks’ Myths, Blacks Myths II ALICE NEVER WENT ANYWHERE Sam Wilkes, “Sivaya” Alice Coltrane, Live at the Berkeley Community Theater 1972 RIYL: LYRICHORD, EFFECTS PEDALS Seungmin Cha, Nuunmuun RIYL: EFFICIENCY, INTERLUDES Solange, “Binz” “WHO HERE IS STILL LISTENING TO JOHNNY MAY CASH’S “DRUGS” IN 2019?” Playboi Carti, “Molly” “MOLLY” CZ Wang and Neo Image, “Just Off Wave”

YOU’VE SUBSCRIBED TO “UK STREETSOUL YOUTUBE PLAYLIST” Apiento feat Harriet Brown, “Down That Road” WHERE WERE U IN 2092? Jai Paul, “He”

LIL B, INNIT Voldy Moyo, Paper World SCREAMADELICA Vampire Weekend, “Harmony Hall” Humeysha, Nusrat on the Beach FOLKTRONICA Aldous Harding, “The Barrel” TOO PURE Springfields, Singles 1986-1991 MY AQUARIUM Rod Modell, Captagon ANOTHER WORLD IS POSSIBLE Vagabon, Vagabon 4-TRACK TWEE BEDROOM COVERS OF BLINK-182′S DUDE RANCH Colleen Green, Blink-182′s “Dude Ranch” as Played by Colleen Green

KINDA AS THOUGH A PART OF MY 2016-19 LP PURCHASES FORMED THEIR OWN BANDS Anunaku, Whities 024 75 Dollar Bill, I Was Real Joshua Abrams and Natural Information Society, Mandatory Reality

JUST 30 OR SO GECS Cool Fang, Sparring I’M A DEADHEAD BUT FOR STANDING ON THE CORNER SOTC Art Ensemble, SOTC Double Bass Ensemble * Merciful Allah Black Hole Theater * 4/24/19 SOTC Art Ensemble, Variation 9 * Merciful Allah Black Hole Theater * 4/27/19

SONG OF THE SPRING, SUMMER, WINTER, YEAR, STILL UNDEFEATED

[oltnews]

They really don't say anything to Scarlett Johansson. She may be the star of "Black Widow", but that doesn't mean that she has any idea when the movie trailer will be released. You may remember that we had a first surprise glimpse of "Black Widow" earlier this week. And when we say early, we mean early. Tuesday, our story was published just before 2 a.m. The trailer fell late Monday without fanfare or advance warning, and Johansson told Stephen Colbert Thursday evening that even she didn't know it was going to happen. "I woke up and received a text from Chris Evans saying," The trailer is superb. "I don't know what he was doing at 5 a.m. It's another story. Yeah, getting up, of course," she said, responding to Colbert's joke. haven't said it! They hide everything from me. " Also read: 'Black Widow': Natasha Romanoff has a family reunion and kicks ass in the first trailer for Marvel Prequel (Video) Johansson was on "The Late Show" to promote "Marriage Story", which she performed with Adam Driver, aka Kylo Ren from the "Star Wars" trilogy. So Colbert asked if she had any idea who would win a fight between Kylo and Natasha. She didn't have a lot of response, nor about the details she was allowed to say about "Black Widow", other than the fact that it was between "Captain America: Civil War" and "Avengers: Infinity War ". Johansson says the film is a "homecoming" in which Natasha must now face some of her guilt over the things she did before becoming revenge. However, fans wondered why a solo film, Black Widow is not an origin story that goes back to its training beginnings in Russia, and she explained why this story was better. "I could never have made this film 10 years ago when we had just started our journey with Marvel. It’s a film that speaks so much… the character informed this film. My trip with Natasha informed this film. She’s a character who’s a fully recognized woman. It has a complexity that it is delicious, "said Johansson. "Not to say it would have been something else or totally entertaining in 10 years, but we can do things that are good." Also read: Review of the film 'Marriage Story': Scarlett Johansson and Adam Driver split up in the devastating drama of Noah Baumbach Colbert also had another theory to direct by her: that it was Johansson's last go-around as "Black Widow". Here is why: it is his eighth appearance because the character and the spiders have eight legs. Can't it be a coincidence? Of course, Stephen. Check out Johansson's appearance on CBS "The Late Show" above. All 23 Marvel Cinematic Universe movies ranked, from worst to best (Photos) No one on the Internet wants to talk about the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but it's something we simply can't continue to ignore. But seriously: even if this seemingly unstoppable franchise has rabid fans around the world, nobody can agree on those they prefer (or at least, for that matter). TheWrap film editor-in-chief Alonso Duralde gets into the subject - and no, he's not paid by anyone at Disney to love (or hate, for that matter) any of these films. wonder 23. "The Incredible Hulk" (2008) Released just five years after Ang Lee's "Hulk", this second attempt to make a man a leader in the great green creature radiated by Gamma proved just as disappointing. If we've learned anything from the Avengers movies, it's that Bruce Banner works best when he's a supporting character (and when he's played by Mark Ruffalo). wonder 22. "Ant-Man" (2015) Although this film deserves to be rewarded for not having put the fate of humanity at stake - the stakes are more than the size of a child's train - the stabs to the humor of the film seem to be overestimated , and little natural charm from Paul Rudd comes to the fore in what should be a breezy caper. We can only wonder what the original version of Edgar Wright might have looked like. Disney / Marvel 21. "Thor" (2011) Director Kenneth Branagh tackles the the-and-thou of Asgard's segments, but the little town where the pinnacle is played out has been one of the most cheesy fake towns on the screen since the terrible movie "Supergirl" in years 80. On the positive side, actor Chris Hemsworth shows a scintillating spirit in this adventure of the god of thunder, coupled with an impressive musculature. wonder 20. "Iron Man 2" (2010) The best MCU movies do a good job of distracting you from all the setup of future franchise entries; this one offers so much empire building that it might as well have a "Pardon Our Dust" sign on it. Still, Scarlett Johansson's first appearance as Black Widow, dispatching opponents down the hall, made an unforgettable impression. Disney / Marvel 19. "Captain America: the first avenger" (2011) Just like he did in "The Rocketeer", director Joe Johnston excels at portraying the brilliance of the 1940s, although the characters are not as vivid as the USO sparrow. But fear not, true believers - the screen adventures of Cap have improved a lot in his later solo and team movies. wonder 18. "Thor: The Dark World" (2013) Firmly average, yes, but an improvement over its predecessor and a good time, skillfully balancing superheroes, second bananas, entertaining villains and the occasional killer one-liner. In no way a cornerstone of the MCU, but this one, mainly, works. Disney / Marvel 17. "Iron Man 3" (2013) Director and co-writer Shane Black doesn't always have the narrowest understanding of history - what is the infamous Extremis still doing, and why? - but he shows his skill in witty jokes (which Robert Downey, Jr. can make within an inch of his life) and breathtaking action (a flight rescue of a dozen passengers who have just fallen from Air Force One). Disney / Marvel 16. "The Avengers: Age of Ultron" (2015) It's always fun when the group comes together, but it's also hard to rediscover the magic of this first time. This sequel offers a lot of excitement and banter scripted by Joss Whedon, but it's also a bit overloaded with characters and support setups for the next MCU movie series. Both fans and enemies of superhero movies can find arguments for their arguments here. Disney / Marvel 15. "Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2" (2017) The group is back together, and they are as hilarious as when they first came out, but overall, this sequel gives the impression that it is only vamping (entertaining) until the next major change of the intrigue in the MCU. Kurt Russell appears as Ego the Living Planet, who claims to be the long-lost father of Peter Quill / Star-Lord (Chris Pratt), and although the film is more concerned with character and emotion than intrigue , not all the movement the moments ring true. Disney / Marvel 14. Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018) This sequel has a better idea of ​​his own stupidity than his predecessor, as Ant-Man (Paul Rudd) and The Wasp (Evangeline Lilly) flee the Feds, fight the phased-in ghost (Hannah John-Kamen) and thwart plans of a gangster (Walton Goggins), while planning a rescue of the mother of The Wasp (Michelle Pfeiffer) from another dimension. Feels more Disney - in the sense of Kurt-Russell-as-Dexter-Riley - than Marvel, but still fun. Disney / Marvel 13. Captain Marvel (2019) Both the personal development and the retro of the 1990s are played with a fairly heavy hand, but it's a lot of fun to have here, Brie Larson's heroine, both bubbling and haunted - nothing like amnesia to spice up another story of origin - to one of the biggest feline bananas in the history of cinema. 12. "Avengers: Infinity War" (2018) It's a little difficult to judge this one on its own merits, because it is clearly a half-film; we will not really know how this film will materialize until we have the sequel. But in the meantime, he does a pretty impressive job of juggling some 25 major MCU characters and keeping his sense of humor even in the face of mass destruction (and intense scenes involving torture and genocide). Disney / Marvel 11. "Avengers: Endgame" (2019) You get all the T-crossing and I-dotting required at this point in the game, but the capper for the first piece of the MCU saga is a mostly satisfying season finale that offers rare moments of catharsis among moments of entertaining characters. which will cause laughter and maybe even a few tears. Disney / Marvel 10. "Spider-Man: Far From Home" (2019) This second outing from director Jon Watts and leader Tom Holland maintains the lark tone and focus on the characters that make these films feel like such a unique corner of the MCU. This time, the post-snap (or "blip", as the film says) Peter Parker and his friends are heading to Europe in a film that looks like a road comedy that sometimes blows up some superheroes. Disney / Marvel 9. "Thor: Ragnarok" (2017) Director Taika Waititi ("Hunt for the Wilderpeople") strikes a delicate balance between breathless action and the fate of the universe on the one hand and ironic stupidity and catchy jokes on the other. Fortunately, he has Chris Hemsworth, who excels in both, surrounded by spirit like Tom Hiddleston, Mark Ruffalo and franchise beginners Tessa Thompson, Jeff Goldblum and a glorious Cate Blanchett. Disney / Marvel 8. "Captain America: Civil War" (2016) The plot and the pace aren't as tight as in "Winter Soldier", but if you're looking for somber human conflict and exciting superhero-on-superhero action, this movie does a lot of good as "Batman v. Superman : Dawn of Justice "did wrong. Disney / Marvel 7. "Iron Man" (2008) It all starts here - a story of superhero origins for literalists who cannot hide behind explosive planets or radioactive spiders. Jon Favreau, then most famous for directing "Elf" and writing and co-starring in "Swingers", seemed a strange choice for the material, but he knows how to give us the two characters (played by Downey and Gwyneth Paltrow with plume) and ka-blam. wonder 6. "Black Panther" (2018) While the titular African superhero king of Chadwick Boseman takes something from a back seat to a troika of fascinating female characters - played by Lupita Nyong'o, Danai Gurira and Letitia Wright - the film nevertheless overflows with excitement and of a rich history. (And Michael B. Jordan's Killmonger ranks among the franchise's biggest villains.) Disney / Marvel 5. "Spider-Man: Homecoming" (2017) Less motivated by guilt and haunted than previous versions of the character (on the page or screen), Tom Holland's Spider-Man has enough on his plate to manage his superhero growing pains. Hungry to join The Avengers but still struggling with everything he has to learn - he's only 15 years old after all - our hero faces the evil blue collar The Vulture (well Michael Keaton, Birdman) in a funny adventure all by presenting real challenges, formidable characterizations and a wonderfully detailed cast. (You must love a teen movie that works for Zendaya, Tony Revolori, Abraham Attah and Josie Totah, as well as scene-robber newcomer Jacob Batalon.) Sony / Marvel 4. "Doctor Strange" (2016) It would be too easy to ridicule the master of the mystical arts on the big screen, but director Scott Derrickson and his team somehow gave us a version of the surgeon-turned-magician, Dr. Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch), who seems at ease in the real world, rubbing shoulders with the Avengers and crossing tripping and dazzling dimensions where no one else could go. 3. "Guardians of the Galaxy" (2014) Pleasant, casual and steeped in the super hits of the 70s, this comic adventure is something of an outlier - both tonal and geographic - in the Marvel universe. Yet whether Rocket Raccoon and Black Widow intersect or not, this saga that covers the stars reminded us that there is more than one way to tell a story about superheroes. Disney / Marvel 2. "Captain America: The Winter Soldier" (2014) Aggressive patriotism meets anti-government paranoia in this fascinating tale that pits the captain against labyrinthine plots. It also turns out that Steve Rogers is much more interesting in time travel in the 2000s than firmly at home in the 1940s. And you will believe that the Falcon can fly. Disney / Marvel 1. "The Avengers" (2012) Still the gold standard of the MCU, this film reveals that Joss Whedon gets comics in their DNA, in the same way that Steven Spielberg and George Lucas were fluent in the language of serials in the "Indiana Jones" movies. Putting all of these heroes in one room (or helicopter, anyway) has produced tremendous results, although the success of the film has led to the all-superhero-all-time ethos of contemporary Hollywood. Disney / Marvel Previous slide Next slide TheWrap reviewer Alonso Duralde orders the MCU, including "Spider-Man: Far From Home" No one on the Internet wants to talk about the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but it's something we simply can't continue to ignore. But seriously: even if this seemingly unstoppable franchise has rabid fans around the world, nobody can agree on those they prefer (or at least, for that matter). TheWrap film editor-in-chief Alonso Duralde gets into the subject - and no, he's not paid by anyone at Disney to love (or hate, for that matter) any of these films. https://oltnews.com/even-scarlett-johansson-didnt-know-black-widow-trailer-was-falling-video-thewrap?_unique_id=5ea1a7409999e