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#hardest ask i have ever done
steppedoffaflight · 18 days ago
56, 57, 58
56. favorite tradition?
Family-wise it's probably the annual summer trip I take with my sisters, my gf, and my mom and we go on a big shopping spree at the outlet mall! I also have a tradition of baking cookies to celebrate celebrity birthdays, and I've loved seeing how that tradition has changed throughout the years and also it's a great excuse for cookies!
57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?
Childhood trauma, getting an adhd diagnosis, and getting my degree while dealing with mental health issues!
58. four talents you’re proud of having?
Writing, some cooking basics, I'm great with money/financial stuff, and I can force myself to be a morning person hahah
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dailypronouns · a month ago
Pronouns with vines of Cross Sans please??? Mostly royal guard themes and some code hints with lots of x's
i hope this list is useful to you!! :)
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saintobio · 16 minutes ago
hello, just wanted to let you know I absolutely love the masterpiece SN is. I know at the beginning of the series there were so many people relating to sera and all but I actually wanted to thank u for bringing to light the struggles of those who are seen as they've got everything they could ever ask for and how much they can struggle with intimate relationships and love, always seeming to be the hardest thing they can ask for. Personally, I relate to yn's personality as I too am willing (and have done so) to give it all to someone I care for, especially when it comes to trying to make things work by sacrificing yourself. Not something healthy at all but this fic is so comforting to me as I've always struggled with the concept of being hard to love just like yn. I am really excited to see what you will bring next chapters and dilf aside, I love how comforting toji's character is. He's such a blessing and I just can't wait to see yn's journey on self love, self respect and self discovery. Once again, this fic is such a breathe of fresh air, and I absolutely love it for that. Hope you're doing well and taking care! Remember to rest and stay hydrated.
thank u sm 🥺 it’s rare that i hear ppl relate to y/n bc i used to defend her personality during the first two chapters lol she just loves and loves without demanding it in return. she’s not weak nor is she a pushover, she just has great compassion and understanding towards others <33 i am glad to hear from u !! take care as well bby
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moon-dust-selfships · 43 minutes ago
Based on your art I think you are a very calm and polite person most of the time; I think you might be a fan of older, "vintage"(?) things; including music,, A mix of both obscure and newer songs maybe
I think you enjoy both anime-ish and realism-like/renaissance art at the same time; I also believe you like things that make you feel nostalgic, media or music that you used to love in the past and now you're interacting with it once again
I hope these make sense,,, I wish you the sweetest day!!♡♡♡
Aww thank you for the ask <<333 you are so sweet!!
All under the cut (since I tend to prattle on, hahaha).
But before I get into me, I’ll do some for you!!
Your art is very soft in the eye and really nice to look at, so I tend to associate you with Lo-fi music! I think you may like songs that are more calming in general: the first ones that comes to mind is If I could Ride Bike by Chevy and Park Bird and I Know You’re Out There by Stephanie Mabey.
Additionally, I think you would be into pastel aesthetics. Like the really nice soft pink and baby blue ones with clouds.
I think you’re a very kind person who always tries their best for their friends ^v^ ,,, on a side note: I think you have very pretty hair — that is a solid vibe I get from you.
Ah, thank you! I try my hardest to be polite with people!! My inner monologue isn’t the most polite thing in the world though (by that I mean I would like to swear a lot, but I try very hard not to. However, it’s easier said than done where everyone rather casually swears in Australia, ahaha). I’m a tad prone to jokingly insulting things to make people laugh, but I do make it clear I’m not being serious about it,,, (normally always followed with a plentiful amount of apologies afterward, ahaha.)
As for calm? I mean if I’m being genuine (and discounting the fact I’m very sensitive jehdnejdj) that’s a yes: the energetic nature is a bit put on.
I’m a fan of a lot of Vintage things!! I do like older Jazz music. One of my favourites is The Mysterious Axman’s Jazz (Dont Scare Me Papa), which was released in 1919 proceeding the events of the Axeman murders in New Orleans: where his infamous letter published in the newspapers proposed that “every person shall be spared in whose home a jazz band is in full swing,”. On March 19th, no murders had occurred, with Jazz music blaring throughout New Orleans that Tuesday night. I genuinely like the song, but it’s definitely my favourite because of how it came to be.
Yes, yes! I really love anime art, the more detailed styles really draw me to an artwork. I hope to draw like them someday. A great example of what I mean is Psycho Pass, I haven’t watched it (yet, ahaha) but woooaahh is that style amazing. I also really love Renaissance art, honestly the technical skill behind the works is A M A Z I N G. Gosh, it’s a level far beyond incredible!
I’m a huge sucker for nostalgia, I absolutely crave it. I still cry at all the end credits for every Pokémon game, it’s very special for me to hear that music and to see all the visuals. Pokémon really helped me gain confidence with myself!! I also do enjoy this one song my dad has been putting on in the car ever since I was little; I looked it up and it’s called Franco Un-American by NOFX. I never really listened to the lyrics or the meaning though, I just was too absorbed in the familiarity of the song.
Have the a splendid day 💙💙 take care 💙💙
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anarmorofwords · 22 hours ago
here's my playlist for Alastair too
it overlaps with Artie's (check it out!) to some extent so I'm not gonna talk about the lyrics/songs they included
(some lyrics that are particularly Alastair™ below the cut)
I'll be good - My past has tasted bitter for years now// so I weild an iron fist// grace is just weakness// or so I've been told// i've been cold, I've been merciless
another love - and I wanna kiss you, make you feel alright// i'm just so tired to share my nights// i wanna cry and I wanna love// but all my tears have been used up
demons - when your dreams all fail and the ones we hail// are the worst of all, and the blood's run stale// I wanna hide the truth, I wanna shelter you// When you feel my heat, look into my eyes// it's where my demons hide, it's where my demons hide// don't get too close; it's dark inside
you don't even know me - I walk into a crowded room// everybody staring// what did I, what did I do wrong?// (...) oh, you see what you wanna see// but you don't even know me// (...) You don't know a thing at all// you don't know about the way I am when I am all alone// You don't know about the way I love so deeply to my bones
flares - did you find it hard to breathe?// did you cry so much that you could barely see?// you're in the darkness all alone// nd no one cares, there's no one there (...) did you break but never mend?// did it hurt so much you thought it was the end?// lose your heart but don't know when // and no one cares, there's no one there
requiem - Why should I play this game of pretend?// remembering through a secondhand sorrow? (...) Why should I play the grieving girl and lie// aying that I miss you// and that my world has gone dark without your light?// I will sing no requiem tonight
the village - feel the rumors follow you// from Monday all the way to Friday dinner (...) There's something wrong in the village// in the village, oh// they stare in the village// in the village, oh
heirloom - You try your hardest to leave the past alone// this crooked posture is all you've ever known (...) A million choices, though little on their own become the heirloom of the heaviness you've known // you are so much more than your father's son
broken - that you don't have to hurt, you don't have to hurt anymore?// you are broken on the floor// and you're crying, crying// he has done this all before// but you're lying, lying (...) will you leave or will you carry on? // is your love from before still strong?
in dreams - oh it's a big old place for me, yeah it's a big old world indeed// eeryone is killing me and everything conspires (...) Oh in dreams I have lain in sin// just to be the cracked and the cared for// how can I ask, ask for more?
bird set free - clipped wings, I was a broken thing// had a voice, had a voice but I could not sing (...) But there's a scream inside that we all try to hide// we hold on so tight, we cannot deny// eats us alive, oh it eats us alive, oh (...) I'll shout it out like a bird set free
fix it to break it - I've been pulling you close, but pushing me further/ i've been holding it back, that I see you different// sick of me remindin' you to love me like you say you do (...) and I've been hurting myself to keep you from leaving// i've been wonderin' whether we'll last the season// wish we could've made this work// but now I know that I need more// I wish that I was a priority
i didn't plan it - go ahead// throw your rocks at me// from your little glass house// and then take off running// you're no better than me (...) I didn't plan it// but the light turned red, and I ran it// and I'm still standing
she used to be mine - It's not simple to say// most days I don't recognize me (...) She's imperfect but she tries// she is good but she lies// she is hard on herself// she is broken and won't ask for help (...) Who be reckless just enough// who can hurt but// who learns how to toughen up when she's bruised// and gets used by a man who can't love
feel something - Need to know that this love is real// just make me feel something// Start to feel desperate when I’m with you// leaving’s the last thing I wanna do
how it all works out - Goodbye always starts with hello// that's why I don't trust anyone that walks through the door (...) Hello always ends with goodbye// how would I know this time's not different if I don't even try?// yeah, make believe is fun sometimes// so i'll just keep pretending this will end on a good note// but it's not a good note, it's never a good note// but I'll keep my eyes closed
survivor - You thought I couldn't last without you// but I'm lastin'// you thought that I would die without you// but I'm livin'// I'm a survivor// im not gon' give up
boyfriend -young heart, oh what a waste// especially for such a pretty face, now// I don't wanna be your boyfriend// when you need a little company// i don't wanna be your boyfriend, no// when there's not another phone to ring
guilty - Oh I'm a guilty one// and know what I have done// yeah, I'm a troubled one// and I won't be forgiven// I was just a kid// that you could not forgive// because it's harder
weight of the world - my mind's such a mess// I can't handle it// i'm at the end of my rope// i'm so sick of this (...) I don't like, like myself very much// despite all your kind words (...) these thoughts won't rest// ican't forgive// I overthink until I'm sick
human - I can hold my breath// I can bite my tongue// i can stay awake for days// if that's what you want// be your number one (...) And I crash and I break down/// your words in my head, knives in my heart// you build me up and then I fall apart// 'cause I'm only human
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multi-stann · 22 hours ago
“One of you will cave in eventually…”- B.B.
a/n- Please like, comment, and reblog!! It means a lot to me that i know anyone who reads my stuff, likes my work! Don’t be afraid to send me asks as well. I’m currently taking requests(for sds and main fics), and i’m always open to talk to new ppl:)
Summary: Bucky and you can’t stand each other, that is until he nearly loses you and things spill out from his mouth soon after.
Warnings n stuff: requested!!!, 18+, angst, enemies to lovers, a small paragraph about sexual things, mentions of blood & an injury, fluff, loki x reader(platonic), bucky pining for reader, cocky bucky, jealousy, reader is in denial about her liking to bucky, may be a little poor medical knowledge on my behalf
ahhhh yes yes yes yes!!! got this done so quick, been in the mood to write some angst. glad i could do this:)
Bucky fucking Barnes. You didn’t think you could possibly hate him anymore than you already did, but as soon as he came walking in with that cocky grin on his face, a woman attached to his hip and dressed to the nines, your blood was past boiling point. It’s not the first time you’ve felt this angry towards him, though.
It’s not the fact that he has a date to Tony’s little gala, it’s the fact that he made sure as soon as he stepped in, that you saw him and then he flaunted his date like a piece of expensive jewelry he owned.
You and Bucky don’t have a good past. The first moment you met him, he immediately scoffed at you, turnt his nose up, and walked away. He never gave you the second to even properly introduce yourself to him. From that day on, you swore to never become friends with such a jerk. A jerk who’s name is James Buchanan Barnes. A jerk who tries his absolute hardest to irk you and get on your bad side.
That doesn’t mean that you’ve not had to go on countless missions with said jerk; better term would be asshole. Usually they don’t go down good though, so it’s best not to even mention those.
Luckily, you didn’t come alone tonight either and oh boy….the look on Bucky’s face was priceless when he saw who you were sporting on your arm. It just so happens to be one of Bucky’s “favorite” people ever. Loki.
Loki and you are just friends. That’s it. Friends. Nothing more, no matter how much Thor tries to push it. Nothing will become of it. But you sure do like to see Bucky’s face contort into slight anger and to watch his jaw clench as if he’s jealous of the whole situation. Ah, it’s a wonderful sight it is.
As soon as he saw the two of you drinking some alcohol by the bar, talking amongst yourselves as well, he began to walk on over with his date on his arm. Your foot nudged Loki’s and his head turned in the direction you were looking. Your eyes were in a glare and the girl at Bucky’s side didn’t seem to notice where the two of them were headed as her eyes studied the lights and people within the room.
As soon as they got to you two, Bucky’s jaw clenched- seeming as if it was going to break the bone. “See you brought a date too, y/l/n.” You brought your drink up to your lips and took a sip, before you placed it back down. The girl beside him seemed confused- but who wouldn’t? You’re brought as a date and your date starts talking to one of his co-workers without introducing you to them? Seems kind of rude.
“Yeah, kind of figured i could use the company. He does make very good company.” You then turned to Loki and he smirked- him catching onto the plan you were throwing out into thin air-, his drink was placed at his lips as he took a sip after. “She makes great company as well. Such a firecracker when you get her alone.” He winked at Bucky and you swore if this wasn’t some formal event for Stark, Loki and Bucky would be in a brawl and there would be blood, seeing as to how hard Bucky’s left hand was fisted and his jaw was clenched.
All Bucky could do was clench his jaw and tighten his grip on the girls arm that he was holding. “Mm, she’s not on missions, kind of a nuisance if you ask me.” Bucky takes the time to admire you as you smirk devilishly into your glass while drinking some. Loki’s eyes concentrated on you. He definitely loves her.
Bucky’s eyes roamed over the dress you’re wearing. He remembered seeing Natasha toting it up to your room a couple of days ago. It’s a silky gown with real sequins that adorn the four inch shoulder straps. The color is a dark coral and it has a slit right in the middle of your leg. The back is low, but white lace is covering it, you can still see your skin. The shoes you’re wearing are strappy, white heels that show your white painted toes. He can see the tattoo on your ankle that’s of a hibiscus flower and the one on your lower thigh of an important date you wouldn’t tell him about.
Bucky swallowed harshly, then his eyes snapped back up to your face. Your attention then turned to him- you didn’t notice the brief checking out he did of you.
He could then see into your eyes, the color he’s come to love so much. There’s a wicked gleam, and that snapped him out of his trance. “James? Shouldn’t you introduce me to Steve?” The woman beside him asked suddenly with a small smile. He then turned his attention to her, “Oh, yeah….right this way.” He gritted his teeth before leaving, then sent you and Loki another glare. They then walked off in the direction of Steve and Sam who were on the opposite side of the room.
Yeah, Loki may just be your friend, but that doesn’t mean he’s not up for a little….game. He knows how much you despise Bucky, well, despise is a heavy and rough word to use. It’s not that you despise him, you hate him for being so…..cocky, stubborn, and rude. Yet, I find him a bit attractive when the light reflects in his eyes just the right way, and when he’s holding his gun- stalking around corners on stressful missions. Especially when he’s laughing at some stupid joke that- no….he’s an asshole. His looks aren’t even enough to cover up his cockiness and bad attitude. That’s why Loki was more than glad to come with you tonight, so he could see the facial expression on Bucky’s face- handsome face, no no…ew- and get underneath his skin along with you.
The night went on, and you and Loki never once separated, unless it was for the bathroom. You saw Bucky and his little date jog out with smitten smiles on their faces around an hour ago, probably went back to his room to make the headboard ram into the wall for the tenth time within the past two weeks, but whatever….don’t care anyways. You’re glad you don’t share the floor with him- you’ve heard too many stories from Sam about how loud him and the women he brings home can be. You want no part of….that.
Tony gave his grand speech around forty minutes earlier and then things went back to normal. You know, his speech was only around two minutes long, nothing too drawn out. Now, you and Loki are just chatting in the common room- away from the noisy room, music, and everyone else.
“It can’t stay like that forever, you know?” Loki asks before he takes another sip from his glass. “What?” “You and him….one of you will cave in eventually and then-.” “Loki, no. He’s an ass. All he ever cares about is himself. He doesn’t care about anything or anyone- ‘specially not me. Have i mentioned the numerous amount of times i’ve gotten hurt on missions where he’s not even watching my back? It’s staying just how it is.” You take a sip from your glass- actually, you finish drinking it all- then you sit it back down.
Loki sighs, “he can be a pain.” Is all he says, leaving your ramble of complaints hanging in the air.
Back in Bucky’s room, he kicked the woman out about thirty minutes ago. She was too drunk for him to actually get a consensual statement from her for sex. He didn’t mind, that didn’t upset him of course, he just made sure she had some water and a ride home before he sent her on her way. Now he’s laying in bed, thinking about what you and Loki could possibly be doing right now.
Are you two more than just friends? Are you…dating? How could he not know that you two are more than just friends, if you are? Well, she doesn’t like me…that’s for one so of course she wouldn’t tell me. He runs his fingers through his hair before he gets up from his bed. He lets out a big puff of air before grabbing a bottle of water from his mini fridge.
Maybe if i would’ve actually talked to her and not walked away the first time we met, things wouldn’t be so….so shit. Not so confusing, maybe we wouldn’t argue or fight. Maybe we would be friends…or possibly even more.
Bucky takes a sip of water and then closes his eyes. He needs sleep, and he’s planning on getting plenty of it. They’re off tomorrow, and the day after, for something Tony is celebrating- he wasn’t listening so he’s not sure what it is. But as soon as work starts back, he knows you two have a mission together. What fun that’s going to be.
“You never have my- fuck- my back!” You groan out as Bucky helps you hobble down the corridor to the nearest exit. “Just shut up! I’ve always got your back, and i’ve got it right now!” “This could’ve been prevented, Bucky.” The pain’s intensity is increasing with every hop you take, and you’re gritting your teeth. “How much further?” “Not much, hang tight.” He replies shortly.
Bullets start flying by your head and that’s when Bucky suddenly picks you up- probably to save his ass a bit quicker because i’m slowing him down. He picks up speed, now at a jog with you in his arms. It doesn’t take him long to bust through the door and run outside. The bullets stop for just a few seconds, before they’re being sprayed at you two again. Luckily, Bucky hasn’t gotten hurt or you’d be totally fucked.
But you? You’re bleeding profusely. The bullet entered through your side or somewhere along that area and didn’t make an exit. Bucky knows he needs to hurry and get you to the jet before things get worse. Before he loses you. He can’t lose you. No, i fucking can’t lose you.
Your eyes are starting to get blurry and your head is getting woozy. You want to sleep. Bucky notices the way your eye lids drift open and then shut again- lingering a little too long for his liking. “Hey, y/n! Keep your eyes open for me, okay?” He’s loud, a little too loud, and you hate it. “Shut up….you’re damn screaming.” Bucky huffs as he runs faster to the jet, bullets whirling past him. It’s at moments like this he wants to sock you in the face, but he knows now isn’t the time- he might even be thankful to hear your smart remarks later; if you two make it out of this. “I wonder why, you’re fucking bleeding out on me!” Is the last thing you hear, concern and worry in his voice as it breaks and he knows you’re tittering on the fence of life in his arms- something you never thought would be happening. Something Bucky wishes wouldn’t have even happened as much as it may seem like he hates you. The last thing you feel is Bucky handing you over to someone else on the jet, his hand lingering on yours as they pull you away.
You wake up, pain immediately hits you. A headache also takes its place because of the bright lights, and then the steady beeping chimes in of your heart rate monitor. Once your eyes adjust, you look over to your right and see Natasha in a very uncomfortable chair. Her eyes snap open at the sudden noise you make on the bed, and she’s up and over to you within seconds. “Hey, hey. Take it easy. Quite a wound you got there.” Her voice is soothing, but for some reason you find yourself wishing that it were Bucky’s, but of course you’d never admit that out loud- not even out loud to yourself.
“Where’s Bucky?” Natasha gives you a soft smile, “he knows you’re fine, but he didn’t want to intrude.” You nod, “did he- what did he say?” Nat let’s out a sigh, “he said that you lost lots of blood. I mean, it was evident you had. You’re going to be out for a while, y/n. He also mentioned that it was his-.” Before she can finish speaking, the door busts open and in comes Tony. “Glad to see you’re up. We were all worried, but we knew you’d make it.” He gives you a big smile and you smile the best you can back. “Yeah, i just- i’m a bit light headed. Is it possible for me to change these myself or?” You ask Nat while motioning to your back and side area, and she shakes her head, “once you’re out it’s going to be hard to change those bandages. Better ask someone to do it for you. The wound is more on your back than your side unlike Bucky thought, and the bullet was hard to get out. So pain meds will be needed.” Of course Bucky described the wound wrong, well to be fair i also thought it was more near my side….and he was just trying to help, y/n….chill out. “Okay, thanks Nat. Tony, where’s he at?” “Oh, the metal armed doofus? He’s in his room, think Steve’s in there with him.” “How long was i out for?” You don’t direct the question to either of them, you just wait for an answer.
“For about twenty-four hours.” Tony finally replies, and you nod. “They should let you out in a day or two. Then you can be back in the comfort of your own room. But i’m serious, get someone to change those bandages every day.” Nat gives you a warning look and you raise your hands in defense. “Okay, okay. I will, mom.”
The first day, you asked Loki to change the bandage for you. He didn’t mind not one bit and the whole time he was making you laugh at some dumb story- as always. He was careful not to hurt you as well and if he did, well, he apologized. You’re nearly the only person he’d ever apologize to.
But what you didn’t know was that Bucky was at your door about to knock until he heard Loki’s voice. He briefly stayed, debating if he should still knock or not, but he soon left with a sliver of doubt on his mind when he heard you laugh at something Loki said.
The second day, you asked Nat to change it. She happily said yes, because she was glad to see you following her- and the doctor’s- orders, and then she proceeded to ask you how your day had been as she changed it. Her touch was even more delicate than Loki’s, and she even took you out for some ice cream after at your favorite place.
The third day, you asked Wanda to change it. She also said yes and used her powers to change the bandage so she wouldn’t hurt you at all. Let’s say, she’s the best bandage changer ever. She talked to you about her upcoming plans with Vision- dates specifically- and she asked you what outfits she should wear.
Today, the fourth day, you’re attempting to change them yourself. Nat would be pissed if she saw you looking in the mirror, trying to wrap the still fresh wound. It’s nearly impossible and your skills aren’t showing right now. Just as you’re about to huff and give up, there’s a knock at your door. You mumble a small “come in” and the person slips the door open quietly.
You don’t look over, as you’re still trying to wrap the stupid white medical wrap on your wound, but you then hear them close the door. They don’t say a word though, and you’re beginning to think that you’re alone, that is until he speaks. “Sorry i’ve not come around, just figured you needed some time. You- you need help?” You turn to look at Bucky once you drop the wrap again, and you sigh. You see that he’s holding some purple flowers in a small bouquet along with a card.
You nod, annoyed at your failed attempts, then he places the flowers along with the card down onto one of the small tables within your room. He then pads on over to you and picks up the wrap. He makes sure it’s not dirty and then flips it over so the side that hit the floor isn’t on your lightly covered wound. “Should’ve just asked some one, genius.” Bucky mumbles as he gently begins to wrap the medical cloth around your wound, unlike the others he wraps it around your waist. “I have for the past three days, didn’t want anyone’s help today, dumbass.” You reply shortly.
You hear him scoff, then you look at him. His hands are working delicately on your wound- he’s being as careful as he can be, even when he’s being a dick- and his eyes are focused on what he’s doing. His tongue slips out and wets his lips every now and then, and his brows are furrowed in concentration. This, this is another time where he looks absolutely breathtaking. His hair looks like it’s been neatly brushed right before he came into your room, and his stubble isn’t as heavy as it was the last time you saw him- nearly a week ago. He must’ve shaved recently, but why do you care…????
He leans a bit closer as he wraps it around your waist once more, then he takes some medical tape and tapes down the wrap. “That okay? Not too tight, right?” His voice brings you back to reality, out of your thoughts, and you nod, “yeah, it’s good. Thank you. Flowers for me, Romeo?” You ask with a point of your index finger and a small chuckle before you slip your shirt back on over your head. “Yeah, uh…Nat told me you liked purple best so….” Bucky rushes to pick them up, then he’s pushing them to you with a slightly shaky hand.
If you weren’t studying him so much, you wouldn’t have noticed the way his other hand becomes stuffed into his pocket, or the way his hand slightly shakes, or the way his eyes will not make contact with yours. “Thank you, again. Why’re you here though?” You ask a bit bitterly. “Just wanted to check in on you, came by the other day but i heard you busy with….Loki, so i decided to wait a little longer. This was all my fault anyways so….” He trails off his words again and you nod, “I mean, maybe if you start watching my back shit like this wouldn’t happen.” He let out a dry laugh and Bucky gives you one of those fake quick smiles.
“I do watch your back, all the fucking time. I just- i didn’t have time to warn you.” He shrugs and hangs his head down. “Oh, be a bit quicker next time then.” You give him a shrug this time along with your snarky remark and then you turn around, beginning to walk to the small kitchen within your room so you can place the flowers away. “You know, can you not be an ass for five god damn seconds? I’m really trying here.” You stop in your tracks and immediately place the flowers, along with the card, down onto the small, granite counter. “Me? Me being an ass? What about you, huh??? The first day we fucking met you were so fucking rude to me for no reason! You didn’t even give me a chance to talk to you, to introduce myself, nothing! What did i do to you, Bucky!? What did i fucking do?!?” You yell the last sentence and Bucky’s jaw clenches. “You didn’t do anything.” “Exactly, i didn’t do shit!” “Let me finish, please.”
You stay quiet, hands by your side as you wait. “You didn’t do anything, that was all me. That was all my fault. But i learned very quickly that i regretted my decision and i still do today. We probably could’ve gotten along so fucking well, but i messed that up the day i locked eyes with you and then walked away. I thought i would be better off not getting close to you, but it has hurt us both in the end worse than i ever could have imagined. You’re hurt physically and me, emotionally.” You glare at Bucky, not seeming to understand him. “What are saying, Bucky?” Your voice echoes through your room with question, yet bitterness. “I’m saying i’ve been a dick because i knew that if i didn’t keep the god damn act up, then you’d be pissed. You’d probably be so confused as well and not want anything to do with me once you’d found out i didn’t have a real reason for walking away and treating you so poorly. I know it doesn’t make it any better right now, but i’m sorry. I tried to make you jealous with all the girls and the date at the gala, even a couple of months ago when i lied and said i’d found a girl that i really liked. They were all just to get to you, to maybe have you come to me. It’s wrong i know, again i’m sorry. I just- the other night at the gala, i didn’t even know the girl, didn’t do anything with her. All i could think about was you, but then you and Loki- I saw you two, and talked to the two of you. It got me, jealous. I knew i needed to fix things soon, but i didn’t expect all of this to fucking happen. Because I’ve seen the way you two look at each other, then i heard him in here the other day, and my heart dropped because he made you laugh and i’ve never been able to do that because i’m an idiot- and an asshole. But i’m so fucking sorry. I love you, and the whole situation scared me the other day when you were bleeding out in my arms against my chest. It scared the fucking shit out of me. I’ve not felt fear like that in a long fucking time, y/n. I thought i was going to lose you.”
It takes you a minute to process all of what Bucky’s saying, but you finally get it. “Bucky, i wouldn’t have been pissed- where is your damn mind at?” “How could i have been so sure?” “You could’ve just asked?!” It goes quiet within the room, but you speak up again. “And Loki and i are just friends. I wanted to make you jealous too. It worked by the way, the girls. Yeah, it worked. But him and i are just friends; really good friends. The way we look at each other is nothing, i can assure you that.” You walk closer to Bucky, a slight pain shooting in your side makes you groan.
“Hey, you okay? Here, sit down. I knew i shouldn’t have started this. Damn it, i’ve got you too worked up.” Bucky rambles out. “Bucky, shut up. It’s fine. It’s just a little pain, it’s nothing you did.” You do sit down on your bed with him beside you to help ease his worries, but you continue afterwards. “I wish you would’ve just told me. I could tell it in your face that day that you cared, just didn’t want to say anything about it. Figured it might’ve just been a silly little realization that you’d never want to talk about. But….” You take his hand in yours and squeeze it, “I love you too, Bucky. I think i’ve been in denial for a while about it, but i’m ready if you are?” You smile at him and he returns it. We’re talking about an ear to ear muscle hurting grin on his beautiful face. “Of course i’m ready, doll. Please, you call the shot. Where to first? Or do you just want to rest? I understand if you-.” “Bucky?” “Yea?” “Please, for the love of Thor, shut up. I’m okay.” You chuckle a bit and a deep blush crosses his cheeks.
“If you’re still willing, i’d love to go for some Chinese food?” Bucky looks at you again, and a gleam appears in his eyes. “Of course i’m willing, but you have to let me tote you to the car.” You huff out in fake annoyance, your eyes rolling a bit too at his words. “Okay, Bucky. You can tote me.” He then gets a bit giddy, almost like a toddler that’s just received a new toy, and he presses a small kiss to your forehead. “Okay, good….can i carry you into the restaurant too?” You laugh at that, “sure Bucky, but you better place me down as soon as we get into the doorway. I don’t want attention on me, i don’t like that type of stuff.” “It’s a deal, doll.”
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justanoffalygirl · a day ago
Never the Right Time
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Summary: Set between 5x09 - 6x18. Emily Prentiss has never been willing to cross that line with Aaron. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to, but she can’t. Mostly bribery for @gilbxrt-blythe​, and if you thought you saw this last night, no you didn’t.
Words: 2.6k
Warnings: canon accurate injuries and death, pining, angst.
It had been two years since Emily and Aaron had reached their tentative friendship. But it hadn’t taken long for it to turn into a genuine enjoyment of each other’s company. They were both problem solving workaholics, with an enjoyment of good alcohol, movie musicals, and reading psychology textbooks as light reading for work. But Emily didn’t know how to solve this.
Aaron had gone from being a divorced father of one, with custody of his son two weekends a month and who called him to say goodnight every night, to being the sole provider for Jack. Jack Hotchner, who’d gone through more than any child should have. Emily still had nightmares of the boy being taken outside, so proud of following his dad’s instructions and working the case. They’d hidden the worst of what had happened to Haley from him, she’d been at the funeral when they talked about how brave Haley was. Never being willing to admit exactly the indignities she’d suffered, because Haley Brooks (formerly Hotchner) had deserved to be remembered as more than just a victim.
They’d gotten home from Rhode Island that day, and if this had been before Foyet had killed Haley she would have gone to Hotch’s apartment with a bottle of good red wine for her and a bottle of decent scotch for him. They’d put something on tv that they didn’t need to pay attention to, have a couple of drinks, and she’d leave in a cab a few hours later. Slightly tipsy, but her head lighter. She’d done this job for three years, and every time she looked at herself in the mirror she wondered how. It was the hardest job she’d ever had, including being Lauren Reynolds for eighteen months and pretending to love a war criminal. But she’d never give up the BAU.
It was six, the sun still shining and she decided screw it, she’d go over. Worst case scenario he’d tell her to leave, but she missed their moments. She missed Aaron. She missed those nights when they were Aaron and Emily, the connection between them flying before they finished for the evening, turning back into Hotch and Prentiss. Nothing would ever happen between them - Strauss’s constant presence made that clear - but there was always that undercurrent of what if. What if Hotch wasn’t her boss. What if she wasn’t on the A team. What if, what if, what if.
She refused to call her feelings love. As the Ambassador had reminded her countless times, a Prentiss did not fall in love. A Prentiss nodded, and was a society darling, did her job well ,and never caused a scandal. At least Emily had one of five going for her?
It wasn’t until the cab dropped her off that she realised this could have been a terrible idea. Not even calling, what if she was intruding? But she was here and if she didn’t at least ring the bell she’d regret it. So she walked up the path, knocking twice and standing back to wait. It didn’t take long for Aaron to open the door, his face quickly settling into Hotch instead of Aaron. When had she learned that difference?
“Prentiss. Is everything ok?” He asked, peering around her to see if she was alone.
“I’m ok. I just thought that after today you could do with some unwinding. I know Jack is here, I thought we could watch a movie or something?” She in fact hadn’t thought about that. But she missed being around children, missed their innocence and the beauty they saw in the world. Maybe spending time with Hotch’s son would help.
“Come in.” He opened the door fully, letting her enter. She heard the door close behind her, locks being flipped and the chain being secured. If anyone in the world should be paranoid about security, it was Aaron Hotchner.
Jack was in pjs, smiling as he saw them come into the room. “Hi Miss ‘Mily. Why’re you here?” He asked, and Emily let his father respond.
“She’s gonna watch a movie with us. How does Cars sound?” The four year old cheered, and Hotch put the dvd in. Jack sat between both of them, curled into his father’s side watching the movie. By the time it was half finished, however, he’d moved positions and fallen asleep on Emily’s lap. 
“He usually refuses to fall asleep on Jessica, insists on being in bed or on me. Let me lift him up,” Hotch whispered, grabbing his son and hoisting him up. Emily could see him turning back to Aaron. Hotch was the man who ran a highly specialised FBI unit, and was serious and cool. He cared, and he’d even smile on occasion, but his main aim was always to get his team home safe from the horrors they saw on a near daily basis.
Aaron, on the other hand, was her drinking partner. They’d joke and they’d laugh and they’d flirt, going right up to but not crossing the line they both left there. There was too much at stake for both of them to even consider crossing it. And it hurt, but they both put their jobs ahead of nearly anything else.
When he came back in he was Aaron, a glass of wine in each hand. He passed hers over, a nod in return.
“You are fantastic, thank you.” Emily took a sip, putting it on the coffee table. “How’re you doing with everything? I know you’ve told everyone you’re fine, but it’s me, Aaron. You can open up.”
She watched the older man almost drain his glass, the warring emotions on his face. They had a rule not to profile anyone on the team, but even a civilian could tell he was trying to decide what to say.
“I got Haley’s will last week. Everything went to Jack, with Jessica and I as the trustees until he turns twenty one. When they went into Witness Protection she wrote a letter for every single one of his birthdays until he turns twenty one, plus his wedding day. She wanted to make sure he had it all.” Aaron let out a hollow laugh. “It should be me in that grave, not her. Foyet only went after her to punish me.”
“Don’t you get it, Aaron?” He lifted his head and turned to her. “Foyet stabbed you, killed Haley, tried to traumatise your son because he wants to win. And as long as you’re thinking like that he has won. Don’t let him live rent free in your head. He doesn’t get the win. You’re alive. Jack’s alive. You’ve got a future. He doesn’t get to take that from you. And if you keep thinking like this, blaming yourself, then he wins.”
They sat in silence for a few moments before Emily spoke again. “I blame myself anyway. I think the entire unit blames themselves in their own way.”
“None of you did anything wrong.”
“But we didn’t do anything right. That’s the point. If we’d worked it out, if we’d gotten to the Marshals in time. Everyone has that worry, Aaron. But we put it behind us because if we don’t…the demons that haunt us in this job will eat us alive if we don’t put them behind us.” She drained her glass, standing up, the atmosphere between them heavy. “I’m gonna call a cab and go home. I’ll call next time before I come over.”
Aaron walked her to the door, and as they were about to separate she turned and hugged him. He had almost six inches on her, but they both melted into the contact, a reminder that they were alive and there, and it was more than they could have hoped for before.
The next day in work he actually had a smile when people went into his office with files for his signature, and it was remarked on by everyone that he was in a better mood. It became their routine, after a particularly bad case they’d go to his home and watch a Pixar film with Jack, putting him to bed before sitting with a glass of wine.
That line was still firmly between them, and no matter what Pen and JJ would say when they had girls night, Emily refused to cross it. Jack had graduated from calling her Miss ‘Mily to ‘Mily, and it warmed her heart every time he did. She cared about him so much, and she wouldn’t do anything to jeopardise his family. 
So it was looks across case files, keeping herself satisfied with his friendship. Trying to remind herself that it was for the best. That someone with her history couldn’t love someone, couldn’t publicly be with someone. Every time she even considered breaking her promise to herself she forced herself to remember that there was still a chance the IRA wanted her. There was still a chance her CIA days and her different undercover ops could come back to bite her. 
It was the day JJ was transferred out, and by mutual agreement she and Aaron met. It was the kind of case they usually wouldn’t, it was a happy ending as far as they were concerned. But JJ was gone, transferred to the Pentagon. 
Jess had Jack for the night, they’d arrived back too late for him to be brought home. It felt like the days Emily thought of as pre-Foyet. Pre Haley’s death. Pre everything that had happened that led to where they were right then.
She was getting ready to leave, tipsier than she’d been in a long time in his presence. They’d laughed and had fun, The Sound of Music on tv as they’d drank. She was relaxed, waiting for her cab to appear outside. She opened the door to leave, turning back to say goodbye when Aaron’s lips were on hers, his hands settling on her waist. She wanted to kiss him back, wanted to kiss him deeply and be kissed by him, make it oh so clear she wanted more and more. But she couldn’t. Emily stepped back, breaking the connection.
“We can’t, Aaron. I’m sorry.”
The car horn beeped just outside, and she turned and left, very deliberately not looking back. She couldn’t do that to herself.
In work their relationship barely changed, but they were very firmly Hotch and Prentiss. She nodded at the right moments, made it clear she was paying attention to her job and what she needed to do. But at night in the hotel rooms she slept in more often than her own bed she just wanted to cry. But Emily Prentiss didn’t focus on feelings and emotions. She pulled on her teenage training as an Ambassador’s daughter to get her through, her mask up and hard around everyone. Until she got the news Doyle was out.
Ian Doyle was looking for her. But not her. Lauren Reynolds, the woman she’d become for eighteen months. The woman who’d warmed his bed, worn his ring, raised his child. Lauren had loved Doyle fiercely, and a part of Emily had loved him too. She knew he was a cruel man, knew the depravity he’d sank to for his cause of a united Ireland, but when you’re that deep undercover you have to believe in it all. And part of her, deep down, had believed in him.
She should have told her coworkers. Her family. They were the people who trusted her, who believed in her, but she hid from them and she ran. It was to keep them safe, but after everything she’d told Hotch after Foyet, she should have known they’d come looking for her. That they’d come back to Boston, the city filled with so much pain for Aaron, to find her. To try rescue her. Emily remembered the pain. The deep, searing pain of blood leaving her body. The pain of Derek putting pressure on her, begging her to just stay awake for him, that he was proud of her. And then the blissful darkness pulling her under.
Emily Prentiss didn’t make it off the table that day in Boston. She was pronounced dead, and due to her injuries she had to have a closed casket funeral. Three weeks after Emily died, Alicia Jenkins was discharged from Massachussetts General, barely surviving a brutal beating from her ex boyfriend who had tracked her down after nearly a decade. Three days later she was given clearance to get on a Delta flight from Boston to Berlin, before getting the train from Berlin Hauptbanhof to Paris, via Amsterdam Centraal. It was enough doubling back, speaking perfect German and French that nobody realised what she was actually doing.
The night before her flight there was a knock at her hotel room door, two long, three short, one long. Alicia held her gun beside her as she carefully padded to the door, making no noise. Aaron was standing there, his hair mussed and the beginnings of a beard on his face. She opened the door, looking at him.
“Why are you here?”
“Can I come in?”
She wanted to say no. That she’d never met him before. Because Alicia had never met him before. But no matter what her name was, he was still her Aaron. So she opened the door fully and let him in.
“Why are you here, Aaron? JJ’s the only one I’m supposed to have contact with. Why are you even up here anyway?”
“I took the weekend off, said I was spending it with Jack. I needed to see you one last time. I don’t know if I’ll get to again, but I need to. I miss you.” She shrugged, short dark hair hitting her shoulders as she did.
“She doesn’t exist anymore. I’m not her anymore. I can’t be. If I’m her, I’m dead. That’s the way this has to be.” Her words cut him, and she saw when it hit.
“I know. I’m sorry.” He turned to leave, and she stood and watched him reach the door and stop for a moment.
“I’ll never forget Emily Prentiss, never. You changed my world in so many ways.” She nodded, watching him open the hotel room door and leave, closing it firmly behind him.
That memory of him stuck with her. Through the long flight to Berlin, in a premium economy seat she was ill-equipped to sit in now that she was so used to private jets. Through two days in a hotel in Berlin, too sore to do much sightseeing, just going to nearby restaurants and ordering food. Through the seven hours it took to get from Berlin to Amsterdam, and the one and a half it took to get to Paris. Through seeing the woman who was Emily’s best friend for the last time, not even being able to hug when she was passed her new identities, along with credit cards and enough euros to get her new life started.
And that night, when she got to her rented apartment in the Sixteenth Arondissemont, carefully walking up the stairs to make it to the cramped space, she just looked out the window at the people congregating. And every time she saw a tall, dark haired man with a crooked smile her heart ached just a little bit more for all the love she could have had but lost anyway.
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so, i’ve been mentally unwell
for maybe my whole life
trauma does that to a person.
things have been harder over the last few years.
i’ve been quite low on several
and i’ve come close to
completing suicide.
i was not vocal about this with anyone.
not my partner
not my friends
certainly not my family
def not my therapist.
you see
i was raised in a household where
“out of sight, out of mind”
“don’t ask, don’t tell”
were the standard.
if i could pretend it wasn’t that bad
it wasn’t, right?
along with serious anxiety from
25 years of gaslighting
where i was not allowed
to have any emotional or
physical feelings.
it was safer to be
away where he could
not hurt me.
i could not stop his hands
and then i could not stop his
and that smug fucking smile
playing at the edge of his lips
under d(e)ad eyes.
so anyways
i was living in denial
my favorite of all of the planes of
because ignorance really
r e a l l y
is bliss, when reality is unbearable.
i kept a lot of the bigger pieces to myself
the more emotionally messy pieces.
replaced them with gallows humor
self depreciation
sex , drugs, rock n roll
really any vice would do
anything to take the edge off
give me my power back
distract me
or anything to feel like how i did
when i was daddies special little girl
i’ve been fighting this fight for a long time
silent and alone
and brimming with rage and a very deep
and no way to actually know how to
process this
or ask for what i need.
so when i did finally
take a video of a particularly bad panic attack
where i wanted to die
but i didn’t want to kill myself
and self harm felt like the only
way to acknowledge the pain
and i know
that is not healthy
but i was afraid
i might actually follow through this time
because last time was
c l o s e.
i reached out to a select amount of friends
and maybe i didn’t have the list i needed
and in the moment i thought i chose the right
friends to lean on for support
but only 2 of 5 of them have spoken
with me
in the several weeks since
no one bothering to follow up on
how fucking alone and scared and
i am
so honeslty?
i don’t ever want to hear
any of you bitches say
you’d stay up all night
just to comfort a depressed person
to prevent
a suicide.
every single one of you
jumped fucking ship
and honestly?
i’ve had my fill of people filling in
placeholders of characters
in my life.
fuck all of you.
that was the hardest thing i’ve
ever done
and none of you stood by me.
every single one of you
made it about yourself
and that is how i really know
everyone is very fucking a l o n e.
0 notes
vibraniumphoenix · a day ago
only girl in the world [ s.w ]
a sam wilson x fem!reader wherein the reader cleans the apartment due to jealousy.
WARNING: NSFW (18+, minors DNI. ), praise kink, oral stimulation (f receiving), fingering, vaginal penetration (wrap it before you tap it lovelies), light choking, swearing, the setting is set somewhere in between AoU and CACW so like around the time in Ant-Man ?? also slight au ( i think )
A/N: so this is for @anchoeritic’s 3k writing challenge! seeing that she’s a fellow sam wilson simp, i chose him for this fic (and we are seriously lacking in sam wilson content i hate this) and because it’s sam’s birthday we’re gonna celebrate >:)))) icb he’s an aries though. uGh
updated a/n: hi bestie @angeloniaa brining this back for you <3
prompt/scenario: character A catching character B singing
word count: 3.7k
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Dating a superhero meant there was a lot of restrictions; cuddles and movie dates with them are fleeting moments since you never know when they would get a call about a grape-headed alien terrorizing the planet and you couldn’t flaunt them as much as you wanted to because your safety would be greatly affected if their arch nemesis finds out about your existence.
But regardless of it all, you were thankful because Sam never made you feel less of what you really are to him. A lot of your friends who know about your relationship with The Falcon were envious about how mature the both of you are, managing to balance both of your work lives and your personal ones at home; none of them really knowing how immature the both of you are behind closed doors.
Making this another reason why you loved the privacy being hidden from the public eye; you felt like you were in your own coming-of-age, rom-com movie with Sam with all the hidden rendezvous at The Washington Mall at midnight and drive around the empty streets of the city just until the crack of dawn or just stay at home and cook countless of meals, teaching each other recipes from both sides of your families
It was the relationship anyone could have ever dreamed of.
“You’re not making this any easier for me, baby girl.” Sam said, sighing inwardly as he stuffed his duffel. He was going over to New York for a few days, probably on another mission with the Avengers (or training with them) and you weren’t having any of it; wanting nothing more than to have him home and with you for a few more days一 possibly forever if that was even possible.
You groaned softly at his response, sitting on the bed with your knees hugged to your chest as you watch him ready his things for yet another mission. “Then don’t go” You simply told him, face holding the same sad expression as your lower lip was jutted out in a small pout as you looked away, not waiting to tear up once again; him leaving for missions was always the hardest.
A chuckle left his lips, setting the suitcase down on the carpeted floor of your shared room before claiming his spot next to you; the dip of the bed from his weight caused you to look at him. “You know I wouldn’t dare to leave if I had the chance to, right?” He asked, his scooting closer to you and pressed a kiss to your shoulder. “But I always come back, right? Because you’re my home.”
You relaxed under his touch, stretching your legs unto the bed and wrapped your arms around his muscular frame, hugging him close to you in fear that he might disappear all of a sudden. “I know, but do you really have to go?” You murmur, hiding your face against his neck, the way your breath falls on his skin causes goosebumps to rise on his own.
“I have to, they need me, sweets.” He explains, wrapping his arms around your own frame and squeezes gently, enough to convey that he’ll be fine; that he’ll be safe and unharmed after all of the fighting he has due.
“I’ll be back in no time.” His reassurance made you sigh inwardly, knowing that you can’t convince him otherwise. Sam was always just like that, once something is set on his mind on something, he won’t stop until he gets it done. He rarely second guesses what he wants and he does, you’re the person he talks to.
You didn’t speak anymore, opting to let the warmth from his body consume you and lull you into sleep, his hand tracing small shapes into your back as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “Go to sleep, baby. I love you.”
The sunlight that peeked in through the sheer fabric of the curtains was enough to wake you up, reaching over to Sam’s side, expecting to feel him there but instead you were greeted with the sound of paper crumpling from the side of your hand. Stirring awake, you sat up and grabbed the note that was folded neatly.
“I’ll be back soon, baby girl. Don’t miss me too much, I love you.” You read outloud, adoring how neat his handwriting was, hugging the paper to your chest before whispering, “I love you too” before placing the note by your bedside table, rolling out of bed to get on with your day when your phone dinged. Looking at the lit up screen, you smiled at the message from Sam.
[ from: birdman lover ]
- It hasn’t even been a day and I already miss you.
- This’ll be a long week.
- Have a great day though.
- I love you.
- Steve’s still clueless on how phones work but he’s getting there. He “greets you a hello”.
The rest of the week was your normal routine, aside from the occasional texts and calls you would get from Sam whenever he had the chance to check his phone; telling you how much he missed you and sharing stories of what’s going on inside the compound. It was like he never left, the only difference being he wasn’t physically there to give you the affection.
Saturday morning soon rolled around and you were bouncing off the walls excited that you had to wait just one more day before Sam could come back home; come back to you. You practically bounced off the walls as you did all your errands一 mainly you getting your car cleaned and your weekly Target run一 and your day was all rainbows and sunshines.
Until it wasn’t. You were scrolling through your Instagram when you saw a picture that made your blood boil immensely. It was a photo of an actress (who was extremely good looking) in the arms of The Falcon. You had to take a few moments in to fully register the fact that the woman had managed to snag a photo with him, “He’s even hotter in person.” You read the caption out loud, eyes rolling in irritation, even replying to some comments from her fanbase, making it seem like they were dating.
You rarely get jealous about anything with Sam, being so secure with your relationship with him but seeing someone who has a platform freely post him made you writhe in your seat about how you should be the one flexing him like that, not her or anyone else.
You opted to call your lover to tell him how you feel but there was this side of you that didn’t want to go through a whole discourse with him through the phone so you went with the better option, cleaning the fuck out of your apartment until your agression washes away.
Plugging your phone to the sound system, you started off with Rihanna’s Only Girl in the World before grabbing the broom from the small closet in your apartment’s kitchen, starting to sweep the floor. “You’re a bad bitch, Y/N. Now go clean,” You hyped yourself up in the mirror before strutting back to the living room to sweep your emotions away.
Unbeknownst to you however was the fact that Sam was well on his way home. He got to go back home earlier than expected and he didn’t tell you, wanting to give you a surprise. Jogging up the stairs of your apartment complex, he was practically rushing to make it your door so he can finally kiss you.
Finally finding the keys to your shared apartment, he opened the door and slowly creeped in, expecting to see you seated on the couch but what he saw was something else. He was stunned beyond words to see you clad nothing but his shirt and a messy bun while holding a broom, singing your heart out.
“Want you to make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world” you sang out loud, holding onto the broom as if it was a mic while you danced, awkwardly body rolling to the beat. “Like I’m the only one that you’ll ever love, like I’m the only one who knows your heart” You continued, starting to “sweep” the floor again while grooving to the beat of the song, not noticing Sam who was silently watching you.
“Like I’m the only one who’s in command” Your voice blending into the music as you rocked around the room, singing your heart out to the chorus. “Cause I’m the only one who understands how to make you feel like a ma一 Sam!”
You dropped the broom, jumping up in the air as you turned around to see your boyfriend leaning by the wall, watching you with an amused expression while holding his arms out to you. “Are you just gonna stand there or come here and give me a hug?” He questioned, raising up an eyebrow at you.
Wasting no time, you paused the song before making your way over to him and jumped into his arms, wrapping your legs around his waist as you hugged him. “How long have you been here? Why are you here already? Shouldn’t you be coming home tomorrow?” Your bombardment with questions made him chuckle, his arms going under your thighs to support your weight, walking towards the couch and settling the both of you on there.
“I wanted to surprise you, baby. We finished a little bit earlier than expected so the moment we got back to the compound I was well on my way home.” He answered, one of his hands retreating from your backside to sneak up and cup your jaw, thumb tracing it gently. His eyes were locked with yours, filled with adoration and love as he continued, “turns out you have a surprise of your own for me. What’s got you cleaning so aggressively?”
You laughed, the anger you had just moments ago melting away as you lean into his touch, “It’s nothing, Sammy. Just me being a little jealous, is all.” You explained, finding it easy to admit your feelings. Your relationship with him was just like that; centered on honesty, understanding, and love. The reason why you’re so assured with him.
“Jealous? What’s got my baby jealous?” His brows were furrowed at the answer, mind trying to remember his actions prior to this conversation to see if he had done anything wrong but came up with nothing. “Did I do something?” He questioned, sitting up a bit as the conversation got more serious.
“I just saw this picture of this you and this actress posted on her instagram and一” you paused, finding it silly now that you’ve even been this jealous about this in the first place. “一I just got jealous that she could post you on their social media so freely. Kind of made me realize that I’m still not existent in the eyes of others; I should be the one posting you like that. Kind of made me realize that I’m not the only girl in the world that wants you.” you finished, not wanting to look into his eyes anymore at the sudden sadness from being hidden.
Normally, you wouldn’t even bat an eye on it but seeing how broken you were, Sam was shattered that you had to go through that thought. “There’s no need to feel ashamed that you got jealous, Y/N.” He said, the hand that was on your jaw now going under your chin to make you look at him again. “I know I insisted that I hide you from the public eye so you can be safe from harm and I’m sorry that because of it makes you feel like this.”
He sighed softly, leaning in to press a chaste kiss against your lips. “But if you’re ready to be introduced to everyone, even to the team, then I’ll be more than glad to show you to the world.” Sam said, his lips just millimeters away from yours, “The only girl I’ll ever love.” He finished, locking his lips with yours.
You swore on the fact that Sam’s lips were made for your own, the pace slow and sensual, enough to relay that he was sticking to his words and that you didn’t need to worry about anything. His plush tiers felt soft against yours, his teeth sinking into your bottom one, nibbling against it softly before swiping his tongue against it.
“Does my angel want me to show her how much she really means to me?” He whispers, pressing one more kiss to your lips before pulling back, locking his gaze with yours, pupils blown with love and adoration clouded with a hint of lust over the thought of seeing you squirm under him.
Given the fact that you were sitting on his lap, you could feel how hard he was under you. “You feel that, darling? You do that to me.” He groans as you shift, the friction causing his dick to twitch inside his tight jeans. “Be a good girl and use your words, baby.”
“Want you, Sam.” You say, mind too aroused and clouded with perverse thoughts due to the lack of touch you had from him this week to make a concise sentence. “Want you to make me feel good, please.” You beg, brows furrowing lightly in need as you watch him study your expression, a small smile forming on his lips as he easily hoists you up, arms gripping your thighs.
“How can I resist such a good girl begging for me to make her feel good?” He questions, gracing your lips with another chaste kiss as he carries you into your shared bedroom, placing you on the bed as he hovers above you. “I’ll make you feel so good tonight, sweets.”
His lips are then on yours again, his lower half grinding on yours a few times to rile you up, making you elicit a few moans that caused him to go overdrive. He grunts, taking in the scandalous sounds you make before sitting back up, taking the shirt off from your body, throwing his head back at the sight of you clad in only your underwear. “You do know how to make me go wild, baby doll.”
You smiled at him, happy that you were able to make him go haywire at just the sight of you not even fully naked. “My clothes never seem to stay on with you around anyways.” You answer, making him chuckle lightly as he started to attack your neck with kisses, nipping at the skin quite harshly making you hiss in pleasurable pain.
“You look better naked” was all he said before taking in one of your breasts, tongue swirling around the hard nub as his hand teased the other, fingers pinching on it lightly making you take a sharp gasp. He did this for a few moments before kissing his way from the valley of your breasts all the way down to the top of your panties.
Sam looked up at you with a devilish grin upon the realization of what lingerie you were wearing, “My angel looks so good.” he praises, taking a moment to admire your already fucked out appearance with lips swollen and hickey littered skin. He was quick to take off your underwear, eyes filled with hunger at the sight of your soaking cunt.
This feeded his ego to no ends, seeing you so needy for him. “I haven’t even touched you yet you’re already so wet for me, baby girl.” he commented, hands caressing your inner thighs teasingly as he took a moment to drink in the sight of you.
The way his rough and slightly calloused hands were in juxtaposition to the smoothness of your skin granted goosebumps to run along your skin, the cold air of the room adding on to your arousal. “Sam, please. Need you.” You begged once more, attempting to close your legs for some needed friction but his sudden grip on it making you think otherwise.
“Almost there, baby. Patience.” He said, bringing two digits to very lightly graze upon your slit before bringing it up to your lips, his thumb tapping your bottom lip, “Open up, sweets. Wanna see you taste yourself first.” He ordered, wanting to see you suck on his fingers.
Wanting nothing more than his touch, you easily obliged and took his fingers in without him prying them open. Your eyes were locked with his as you sucked on it, setting a blaze inside his eyes that you haven’t seen before, that lone making your stomach twist in knots.
As soon as Sam was satisfied at how wet you made his fingers, he finally gave your throbbing pussy the attention it yearned for. Inserting the two digits inside of you with ease as he slowly started to pump it in and out of your heat while his thumb rubbed circles on your sensitive bundle of nerves.
You were a moaning mess under his touch, back arching at the slightest touch he would do to your clit. You were overwhelmed with the pleasure he was providing you. “F-fuck!” You breathlessly moan, hips bucking up as you wanted more of his touch.
Sam then leaned, tongue lapping up your sweet juices as he sucked on your aching clit, the gentle suckling was sinful to your ears. He moaned at the taste of you, its vibrations against you making you whine at the contact. He curled his fingers inside you, easily finding your sweet spot upon seeing how you writhed under his touch.
With Sam’s tongue abusing your clit to no end and his digits mercilessly pumping in and out of you, the tension was all too much to handle that the knot that was in your stomach finally broke. “Go on, baby. Come for me, why don’t you.” He said, feeling how your walls were clamping up around him. The euphoria that followed made your legs tremble as you reached your high, shamelessly moaning Sam’s name mixed with profanities as he continued to finger you through your orgasm.
“Such a good girl for me” Was his words, rising up from his position. You watched as he licked up every last drop of your cum off his fingers, rolling off the bed to rid himself off from his own clothes, your mouth practically watering at the sight of his rock hard length that sprung out from the tight confinements of his boxers.
You were gonna reach out to feel him when he stopped you, “No, baby. Tonight, it’s all about you, remember?” he said, stroking his length a few times, thumb circling around his tip that was glistening with pre-cum as he got back on the bed, positioning himself on top of you. “You ready?”
“Y-yes, Sam.” and upon hearing your answer, he eased into you. Both moaning at the longing of feeling each other intimately. No matter how many times the two of you would fuck, you still couldn’t get used to his size. He filled you up quite easily, his hips meeting yours as he filled you in deep.
Ever the gentleman, he waited for you to give the signal that you were ready and upon your nod, he started to move slowly, wanting to ease you into the pace.. Sam’s groans were music to your ear, “So fucking tight, angel.” He said, one of his hands reaching up to wrap around your neck, pressing against its sides lightly.
“F-faster, Sam. Please” You said and he complied, like your words were pressed a switch in him, he started to relentlessly slam into you, fucking you into the bed and into oblivion. His other hand was on the headboard, palm spread out to gain some support, the bed shaking violently as he continued.
“Let me hear those moans, angel. Let everyone know who you belong to.” Sam said, the hold around your neck tightening slightly, wanting to see you slowly gasp out for air as you let out those heavenly yet sinful sounds, “Who do you belong to, baby?”
“Y-You, Sam!” You answer, feeling your body writhe as another orgasm was already brewing at the pit of your stomach. “F-fuck, I-i’m yours!” You continued, eyes practically rolling to the back at the immense amount of pleasure you got from him drilling you into the mattress.
With those words that left your lips, he started to pound to you even rougher, not caring if the neighbouring apartments heard your cries of pleasure or the squeaking of the bed. You were his and it was his very intention to let everyone know that. “That’s right, doll. You belong to me.” he said, his eyes on your fucked out face. “Mine to fuck and mine to love.”
Feeling the knot in your stomach about to burst, your hands were gripping the bed sheets as you cried out in pleasure, “I’m gonna cum!” body unable to handle the amount of pleasure being handed to you as Sam continued to fuck you out, riding out your high until his own climax hit with one final slam, moaning as he filled you up with his own cum.
Pulling out slowly, Sam took the time to admire his own cum mixed with your drip down from your cunt, a feeling of satisfaction spread through his chest at the sight of you. He leaned in to kiss you once again, this time it was soft and just filled with love, hand running along your sides gently, “Such a good girl for me.” he whispered, pressing one last kiss before he stood up and walked over to the bathroom.
You attempted to follow him, but ultimately failed as your legs were shaking too much from your recent orgasm. You could hear Sam chuckle as he re-emerged from the other room, a wet washcloth in his hand as he approached you. “Let me take care of it, alright princess?” He said softly.
He then started to clean you up, making sure to whisper soft praises about how you took him so well and of how you were so good for him. The moment he was done, he mindlessly threw the cloth into the hamper, collapsing on the bed and took you in his arms, eager to cuddle you. Sam pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, “I love you, Y/N. You’re the only girl I’ll ever love.”
You hummed softly, making yourself comfortable in his arms, reaching up to steal a kiss from him, “I love you too, Sammy. I’ll always love you.”
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lilhawkeye3 · a day ago
Almost Lost You
Jango Fett x gender neutral Reader
Rating: K+ |||| Word Count: 1.1k |||| Set during Episode II: Attack of the Clones |||| AO3 Link
Kiss Prompts, #11: “I almost lost you” kiss, AU where Jango doesn’t die on Geonosis, requested by @any59
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You’d done what he’d asked the moment things went south: get Boba out and get off that karking desert planet. It was the hardest thing you’ve ever done, leaving him behind, but you couldn’t leave Boba there in that hellhole. He’d kicked and screamed for his buir when you lifted him up and carried him away, something made all the more difficult by the tears that streamed down your face. The fact that Boba hadn’t actually fought your grasp was the only reassuring thing that had happened in the past week.
Now, several days later, the young boy was curled up into your side as you two lay on his father’s bunk in Slave I. You weren’t on a specific course for anywhere, instead anchored off of an uninhabited Mid Rim planet. He’d been inconsolable ever since, and you’d been moments away from breaking down as well, so this seemed to be a good idea at the time. The two of you had curled up under a mountain of blankets on Jango’s cot while you regaled Boba with stories of his father, all while stroking his hair. It served as a calming gesture for both of you until Boba had fallen asleep against your side.
You left him as steathily as you could, heading back to the cockpit to take a moment to yourself. You’d been good so far at not letting Boba see you cry, so the pilot’s seat has become your place of solace. You’d spent so many hours with Jango in this space, helping return fire from the co-pilot’s chair or even curled up in his lap as he guided you through hyperspace.
All you had left of him was an emergency comm code, a beskar vambrace, and your memories.
The memories tide you over as you let yourself into a weary sleep.
You wake up to a beeping sound echoing through the cockpit. At first, it seems to be coming from somewhere on the console. Several sluggish moments pass before you pinpoint the location as under your seat, emitting from the vambrace you’d stashed out of sight the first night without Jango.
No one had that chain code. No one but a dead man.
You fall out of the chair and onto the floor in your haste to get it.
You’re answered with static for the longest seconds of your life.
“Ner kar’ta.” The voice is rough and exhausted, but it’s owner is unmistakable. “Good.”
“Jango?” Under normal circumstances, you’d be embarrassed over how your voice breaks on his name. “Jango, I swear if that’s you, I’ll–”
His tired laugh filters through the speaker. “Kill me? Get in line, love.”
He’s… he’s never called you that. If you weren’t still reeling from hearing his voice, you’d be freaking over this.
“I have Boba with me,” you blurt out. “He’s safe, we’re both safe.” His sigh of relief is audible. “Where are you? We’ll come and get you.”
“No!” He snapped. “The galaxy’s at war, and I won’t have either of you flying into this mess.” A pause. “Send your coordinates over this signal only. If I’m not there in two days, leave.”
You nod despite knowing he can’t see you. “Got it. Come home safely, cyare.”
Another pause. “Always, ner kar’ta.”
The radio cut out and you sobbed for the first time in days.
You can’t hold Boba back even if you tried when the stolen GAR ship docks with Slave I. He races for the bay doors the moment you give him the all clear and into the other ship, hollering for his buir the entire time. You follow at a slower pace, wanting to give them ample time to have a private reunion of their own.
You come upon them in one of the corridors, Jango on his knees as he hugged his son close to him. Boba’s head was cradled in Jango’s larger hand as he stroked his curls just like you had.
You’re surprised Jango was still awake. From the looks of it, he hadn’t slept in days. When he looks up from Boba’s shoulder, you can further see how filthy he looked… oh stars, he’d come right from the battlefield back to you both.
“You were good for your buir?” You hear him rumble when you finally approach. The term nearly sends you stumbling, but you try to continue on normally.
Boba glances back at you with teary eyes but a smile that you haven’t seen in days. “Yeah. I was good.”
You stop right behind him and place your hands on his shoulders. “We were worried about you, Jango,” you add, stifling a laugh when Boba nods readily. Now that you’re close, you can see that your need for worrying was well-founded: his right arm is strapped to his chest… and his hand is gone. Your eyes go wide and flicker up to his face.
“Went up against a Jedi,” he answers simply.
You stiffen more, if that’s even possible. “Boba, can you get the go-kit from the medbay? Bring it to the bed and we’ll meet you there.” The boy shoots you a sly grin, taps his forehead against Jango, and scurries back off the way you came. With him gone, you turn back to Jango.
“I thought we’d lost you,” you say after the silence stretches thin between you. You slowly drop to your knees so you’re on the same level. Your Mandalorian watches you with raptor-like precision.
“Not that easily,” he replies, good hand coming up to cup your jaw. You let your eyes flutter shut as his thumb sweeps over your cheek.
You can’t take it any longer. “I’m going to kiss you.”
He chuckles softly. “What’re you waiting for, love?”
The affectionate term finally gets your self-control to snap and you practically throw yourself at Jango, knocking him flat onto his back. Your fingers bury in his hair to hold him steady for you to kiss, licking along his lower lip until he allows you entrance. It’s rare that Jango doesn’t control one of your kisses, but you refuse to let him assert his dominance now. You’d thought him dead. You’d thought your love gone somewhere you couldn’t follow, but now he’s here before you and tasting of whiskey and smoke something else distinctly Jango, and you think you could cry– or maybe you already are crying.
You pull away with a stressed giggle before you begin peppering his face with kisses, wanting to ensure that he understands how much you treasure him. Reverent whispers in Mando’a spill from him as he remains trapped under you, and while you’re unable to catch most of it, you do recognize when he says “cyare.”
“I’m not letting you out of my sight,” you declare when you finally pause for a breath.
Jango grins up at you, and it’s the most radiant thing you’ve seen in all your life. “Whatever you say, cyare.”
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lemoncubejelly · a day ago
Yan!Kazuha Prompt
You may not know this, but I like yandere- a lot- like too much 😳 ask me to make yandere headcanons i dare you </3 Ty for reading and have a lovely week 🌸 also kazuha come home pls im doing this for good omens
This was supposed to be like one paragraph but i got way too invested lolol 😔
Saying goodbye to Kazuha was the hardest thing you'd ever had to do
As his beloved, you two had agreed to never be apart from one another. Engagement had been on the top of both of your minds for a while, and you were excited to spend the rest of your life with him
However, fate is often cruel to those who don't deserve it, and the Electro Archon announced the vision hunt
You, normal and visionless, had no issues, but your beloved Kazuha, with a beautiful Anemo vision on his back, was not fortunate enough to say the same
You'd cried, and you'd wailed for him to turn himself in and be safe, or at least to take you with him, until your eyes were red and puffy. Alas, all of your efforts were in vain, and Kazuha refused, insisting you had to stay in Inazuma
When you had begged him to at least promise to you that he would stay alive, he had only averted your gaze
The following morning, Kazuha was gone
For months, you were inconsolable. Sleep didn't come easy, and neither anything else. You repeatedly found yourself gravitating towards the ocean, hoping that one day you might just see him out of the corner of your eye. But you never did
Years passed, and life went on. You decided to follow its lead You'd never forget his gentle smile, but you had found it in yourself to move forward. In fact, you'd even gotten engaged recently Life had been peaceful lately, and you were enjoying yourself
But when the announcement from the Inazuma Bakufu arrived, your breath caught in your throat
No one knew what had caused this sudden reversal. Perhaps Baal underwent a change of heart, or maybe she'd found another way to succeed in obtaining the true immortality that she so coveted
Whatever the reason, you could only wonder if it meant Kazuha would return
You couldn't bring yourself to search for him, but it turns out you didn't have to. Kazuha did the work himself, placing his hand on your shoulder and turning you around
Your heart was beating and expanding too large for your chest. All of those forgotten emotions had suddenly come flooding back, and your legs were hardly doing their job of keeping you standing
But as happy as you were to see him, you knew you had to let the other shoe drop
You updated him about the things that had happened in your life since he'd escaped the islands. You let him know where you were living now and anxiously informed him of your engagement
Kazuha stayed quiet, that familiar gentle smile masking anything that could be running through his mind. Though you could've sworn it broke for just one second, shattered by deep hurt. He congratulated you and quickly took his leave
As you walked home, you didn't quite know how to feel. You may have been cold to him, but what else could you have done? It's not as if you could just blow off your engagement now that Kazuha had returned
You thought that perhaps everything would be settled once you got some rest
Once you reached your residence, the first thing that seemed off was the quiet. You may not live in a loud area, but this was something far more uncanny than usual
You stepped inside and froze
Standing by the entryway and splattered in blood, Kazuha glanced over at you, that same gentle smile gracing his features. You screamed in horror, demanding him to tell you why he had done such a thing. He looked sorrowful for a moment, before reaching for your trembling hand,
"I'm sorry it had to come to this, my love. But we made a promise, and that must be upheld."
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mrs-salvawhore · a day ago
What the night leads too... {D.S}
Pairing: Damon Salvatore x Fem!reader
Summary: Prompts #32 "I've never wanted to fuck you more than I do now." #45 "I'm gonna fuck you so hard you forget you even met that asshole" #54 "I'll make you feel good." #57 "Oh god yes, just like that." #63 "what you gonna do about it, stud" #65 "come on. I want the neighbours to hear you scream"
Warnings: Name calling like slut, rough sex, well smut, bad written smut, unprotected sex, oral [f/m receiving].
Authors note: This was requested by @vintagebishx hope you like it!
Fandom: Vampire Diaries / Word count: 927
Vampire Diaries/Originals Masterlist
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*Not my GIF
Sitting at the bar in the Grill you were enjoying a drink when a man appoched you with a dirty smirk. "Hello beautiful."
You made a disguted face at that not only was he ugly but he also smelled out of his mouth. "Hey man! Hitting on my girlfriend?" You heard Damon's voice behind you.
It made you sigh in relief as the vampire showed up behind you to scare the man away, sure you weren't defenceless but that didn’t mean you could take him.
"Sorry man didn’t know that chick was taken." The guy backed away with raised hands making Damon smirk, that man was clearly scared of him.
"As if that is an excuse, even if I wasn't taken you still don't have to hit on me." You snapped at him and then stood from the bar stool, Damon looked impressed and followed behind you.
You saw Damon's car parking outside and promptly decided to get in it and wait for him to drive you either home or to the Salvatore' ended up being your home.
"You not gonna say thank you?" He joked when you stood on your porch making you chuckle. "Why would I?"
You took a step closer to him which he copied. "Oh because I saved you from the creep..." One step closer.
"I had it handled." Another one.
"Sure you did..." Damon stood now before you, your faces only inches away from one another.
In a split of a second you were pressed against Damon's chest, your hands on his chest steading yourself while his were on you ass to pull you close.
"I've never wanted to fuck you more than I do now." He whispered into your ear making a shiver run down your spine. "Then why don't you do it?" You whispered back with an innocent smile.
"I'm gonna fuck you so hard you forget you even met that asshole" He growled and had you inside your house and bend over the kitchen counter in no time.
His lips wandered down from your neck to the black flannel you wore which he ripped of, well at least he destroyed his own shirt.
His eyes stayed on your blood red bra - as if you had known what was about to happen tonight which you didn’t - before he could pull it off you cupped his cheeks and brought his face back up to your, needing to feel his lips on yours.
It was a rough but passionate kiss, he bit in your bottom lip drawing not only a little bit of blood but also a moan from you.
His hands wandered down you belly, down to your clothed core, his hand stroked over it and he already felt how drenched you were.
"Did I get my little baby that wet?" He asked with smirk while you could only nod.
That was when he grabbed your face roughly. "Use your words slut." God if you had known Sex with Damon was like that you would have already done it.
"I'll make you feel good." He promised you and didn't have any doubts he wouldn't.
He pulled down your pants ass he got on his knees to lick your cunt something none of your boyfriend's have ever done for you.
And it felt incredible. You moaned out his name servile times. "Oh god Damon! Please don't, please...please."
"Ohhhh I'm not planning on stopping until you come over and over again...first on my tounge, then my fingers and then my thick cock..." He said while speeding up his pace, was he using his super speed?
Either way your were coming right now and it was the hardest orgasm you ever had.
You laid there panting as Damon started to tease your sensitive clit with his fingers. "Come on. I want the neighbours to hear you scream" He told when he started to pump his fingers in and out of you two at a time at first.
Then he added a third finger, a fourth and when he was about to make it the fifth you started crying. "Damon it's much." Damon knew you could go further and that he didn't have to stop. "What you gonna do about it, stud." He asked with a glare.
He began to rub your clit which made you come in a matter of seconds. Now it was time for him to fuck you.
He zipped his pants open and pulled them down. His cock sprang free and hit his stomache. You couldn't believe how big he was...
"You ready princess?" With that he slides into your cunt causing you to loudly moan, Damon groaned at the feeling how tight you felt around him.
He pounded into you merciless. "Da...Damon...I'm gonna-" "Do it." He demanded and you had your third orgasm for the night.
Damon pulled out of you and of from the table onto your knees, you knew what was going go happen, he was going to fuck your face.
You kitten licked his tip and then began to take him further in, he grabbed your hair, rocking his hips into you.
"Oh god yes, just like that." He breathed out and came down your throat. "Swallow it slut." He said which you.
He picked you up and walked you up to you room and in your bed, he laid next to as he pulled up the blankets.
"I love you..." You mumbled into his neck as you cuddled up to him but your words left him with wide eyes as you fell asleep.
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It's been over a half year since my last post.
I have found love again, this time I actually feel and believe I have found a good man. He treats me right, he loves me, he care about me, he's with me.
But somehow damage and broke things, hunts me. Follows me. Everytime things is good in my life, i am holding my breath, looking over my shoulder, trying to look for and prepare for the bad things coming. And just when I take a breath again and stop being on guard. It happens. It comes crushing. Breaking me once again.
Half year ago, my boyfriend and I got "titles", i have been holding off with it because i was scared. Even though we acted like we were in a relationship, and had been for a long time at that point. A few days later, my best friend, the best friend i have ever had, left me. All i got was a few sentences, no explanation and she blocked me. I cried and cried. All i eventually got after "fighting" for it, was my things she had. I only got them because i was persistent, and she had forgot to blocked me on email..
Whole asking for my stuff i wrote a sweet email, and thanked her for all she had done for. How she was there, when no one was. And that she took me in when I needed someone the most. I got nothing. No answer too it. She only answered to what was about me asking for my stuff back.
I was absolutely heartbroken. I referred to her as the "safe one". The one I never would have thought would leave me. And i could never imagine her leaving me like that. Like i was nothing. That our friendship was worth nothing to her. I cried and cried. I was more heartbroken than I have ever been my whole life. She was my friend, my family and she was a part of who I had become. And she took all of that with her. I can never bescribe how much her leaving have broken me and how much it hurt and still hurts every day.
Under a month later, i had an appointment at the hospital. Long story short, i had to get brain surgery. Because of the pandemic, we (the surgeon and I) would postpone it as long as possible. Fast forward a little under 2 months, i got worse and i had to get surgery fast. The monitor was broken when i should have used it a month later. 2 and a half month after first surgery, i had to get surgery again. At this point I had gotten so bad physically that i almost couldn't do anything. After surgery i was even worse. I had to get on morphine on daily basis to even manage to be alive. My mental health had taken a big swing as well. It is now 2 1/2 weeks since my last surgery, and most days I don't even get out of bed. I am in too much pain and extremely exhausted. All deseases have gotten worse. Physically and mentally. My boyfriend have done pretty much everything lately. He has now reached his breaking point. He can't keep doing everything, and i totally understand. I feel guilty. So damn guilty for what i have been putting him through.
He have had to take care of me and my dogs. He didn't choose this. And today, he said the words I have dreaded, he didn't choose the dogs. And he is right, they were just a part of the package that came with me. I know he loves me, they love him and he takes such good care of them. But I am so hurt by hearing those words. Eventhough i know I shouldn't be. But I have been so afraid of him thinking those things. And now he did. I know he didn't mean them bad, and he said them in the end of a conversation where he told me, he had done more than he could handle. I am proud of him telling me that, because i know it is hard for him to say. But i also feel like i can react how i feel or say what i fear because i have to be supportive and react positive to him telling me that because i know how hard it is for him to tell me because of his own past.
The deal we made, that i suggested after hearing what was hardest for him to do, i am scared of. Because I know i have to hold my end of the deal. But I'm not sure I can, at least not without hurting myself. But i don't feel like i can say that, or ask for more help, because i know he would help me and do more, again, eventhough he will break because of it.
I just wanna run away, free him from the burden that is me and my dogs.
I have an appointment with my surgeon in less than 2 weeks, she will probably recommend surgery, a bigger one this time. Longer recovery, longer healing, longer time i will need help. But it would be my only and last chance to get better. I have fought for this surgery, fought for a way to get better.
I have to decline the surgery. I have to say no. I can't do that to my boyfriend. I can't put more of a burden on him.
But if i say no, my boyfriend will feel guilty for me not accepting the surgery. But if i say yes, he would have to push himself too hard again. It is a dead end.
My last option is to lie.. lie to him about the surgeon not offering me a surgery. Lie about they can't help me. Last resort we thought and hoped for was there, is not there. But the truth being i said no to the surgery. And if i do say no to the surgery, it would be so damn hard to get it offered again.
I have no one to talk to about this. I don't know what to do. No one to tell this. No one who can listen and not judge. No one who won't be affected by this and would know i just needed to talk about it. No one that would understand.
I am a burden. My wonderful, loving dogs, are a burden. My life feels like a burden. My life don't feel like a life anyone. And i don't know how to live a life, that is not a life.
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icy-spicy · 3 days ago
Kuai Liang x Reader, Bi Han x Reader (platonic)
You’re suspicious of Bi Han when he returns to the Lin Kuei.
No warnings apply…I don’t think.
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Found image on google! Shout out to the original creator
Each swing you took at the cryomancer before you was effortlessly dodged. Breathing heavily, you groaned as he landed a kick to your side. His brown eyes never left your form as you dropped to one knee clutching your aching side. This should have been the end of your fighting, but you were so angry with him that you would push through the pain. Standing up and resuming your fighting stance, you continue glaring at him. Kuai Liang sighed before assuming his fighting stance. He took the bait as you moved to run in his direction. Throwing his weight forward to run at you, he was taken off-guard by you doing a black flip and landing a ferocious kick to his chin. The grandmaster cut his eyes at you as he spat blood to the ground. That was the hardest hit you had landed on him during your time of knowing him.
"That is enough," he said, "I will not continue to fight with you like this. I made my decision. As Grandmaster of the Lin Kuei, my say is final."
"I have stood by you for years! I witnessed you reshape our clan into a force far greater than it had ever been. Am I not your most trusted ally," you questioned him.
Kuai Liang frowned at the pain he could hear in your voice. Had he known you would take the news so harshly, he would have kept it to himself for just a little while longer.
"You are indeed my most trusted ally. That is why I have told you before anyone else. It would be foolish of me to leave my wife out of such a plan," he said.
"He will be the end of everything that you have built. I know that he was once your...,"
"DO NOT PRESUME TO SPEAK TO ME AS IF I AM A CHILD," Kuai Liang yelled," You do not know what it is like to lose a brother. To have him brought back to you as a wraith. He suffered greater pain than you could ever imagine. Bi-Han is back in our world as a reborn man. It is the best thing to come out of Kronika's time disruption. He will be a joint grandmaster of this clan. That is the end of this conversation."
Your eyes were practically the size of saucers as you looked at him. He never raised his voice. Then again, the two of you never disagree as harshly as you do at the moment. His words cut into your heart deeper than any blade ever could.
"I do not know what it's like to lose a brother? Kuai Liang, Tomas was the only family I had. Just as Bi-Han was to you. He was your best brother...or does that escape your selfish memory," you seethed, "My brother is gone forever."
Massaging his forehead, he turned his regret-filled eyes to yours. Perhaps he was being selfish. Bi-Han being brought back to him after so many years surpassed any rational thought that he could have formed. His brother deserved forgiveness. Bi-Han had never been a perfect man, but had there ever been a perfect man? You did not dislike Bi-Han. You loved him very much. He was never cruel to you. Surprisingly, he was the only nice man in the Lin Kuei other than your brother and Kuai Liang. His years as Noob Saibot had to be trapped within him still. You did not want to risk your husband being hurt by some evil trickery. Bi-Han had always been his one weakness.
"Forgive me. Tomas was my greatest friend, and I would never forget him. I am only frustrated. Bi-Han has been isolated in his hut for a week. You have made no effort to see him. If I recall, he saved you from multiple cruel fates when we were all younger. Why can you not give him a chance," Kuai asked.
"I am done with this talk," you said before rolling your eyes and leaving him alone in the training room.
The cold was nipping at your skin instantly as you began your trek to the isolated area of the Lin Kuei grounds. It was rare that anyone visited the eastern grounds due to Kuai Liang advising against such a thing. It was where the memories of your shared childhood remained. As you walked through towering archways and looked around the snow-covered buildings, you felt as if someone was following you. Looking around, you decided that it was only your nerves as the coast was clear of any signs of life. It would be five more minutes before you reached your destination, and you could not shake the eerie feeling that you were not alone. You came to a complete stop and assessed your surroundings once more. There were no fresh footprints or any other indicator of another person. It was your mind playing tricks on you for sure. With a hastened pace, you cut your five-minute walk in half. You emitted a huff of reassurance to yourself as you knocked on the large wooden door of the only home that had light coming from within.
Moments went by before the door opened to reveal the man of the hour. Bi-Han stared down at you as you looked up at him. He reminded you so much of Kuai Liang.
"May I come in," you asked.
"Of course," he said while stepping aside.
You entered the hut that he had been assigned to during his time as Sub-Zero for the Lin Kuei. Back then, he was favored by the grandmaster. Bi-Han was afforded luxuries that other members of the clan only dreamt of. Many nights you had found solace in his home along with Tomas and Kuai Liang. It was the only place that you felt safe. It was not easy being the only woman, and Bi-Han had taken pity on his little brother's friends.
"Is it just as you remember, " you asked referring to his home.
"Yes. Many things have changed, but this place remains the same," Bi-Han said as he took a seat on one of the two chairs in the room.
He motioned for you to have a seat in the empty chair across from him. Instead, your eyes searched the place. Candles were lit everywhere. The shadows that came from the flicker of the flames made you wonder even more. Smiling at the man watching you cautiously, you sat across from him.
"I am sorry that I did not come to see you sooner," you told him.
"I did not expect to see you at all. At least not for a very long time," he responded.
"Kuai Liang has told me the plan of you both sharing the title of Grandmaster," you said.
Bi-Han sat up straighter at your words. His ice-like eyes immediately locked with your orbs.
"Is that what brought you here? I had hoped that you only came to see your brother in law," he cockily smirked.
You rolled your eyes as you noted that he is still as arrogant as ever.
"Your brother has a soft spot for you," you said," It has been his greatest dream that the two of you would be reunited. He wants nothing more than to have his brother at his side."
"I always told Kuai Liang to never trust anyone, least of all family," Bi-Han said.
"Where he is fully devoted to you, I have my suspicions. Bi-Han, if you were to hurt him...I would not hesitate to kill you," you said as you stood up, "I have not forgotten your ways."
During his time as Noob Saibot, Bi-Han had managed to best your husband on a few occasions due to Kuai Liang holding back. When you were confronted by him during his wraith days, he bested you as well. He was always conniving. Even before death, he used your fears and even the things you loved to control you. However, upon maturing, you realized that he did those things to strengthen you.
"I know that you would do anything to protect my brother, (Y/n). I assure you, I am not here to hurt him, you, or any part of this clan," he explained, "The Lin Kuei that I knew was a difficult place to grow. It made me seem heartless, but everything that I did...I did it for myself and Kuai Liang. If I seemed harder on him, Smoke, and you, it was because the three of you were all that I had. Make no mistake, I am not a good man, but I am not evil."
There was absolute truth in his words. You were the warrior you are today largely due to Kuai Liang and Tomas, but also with the help of Bi-Han.
"The Lin Kuei is not at all as you remember. Your brother has allowed the clan to flourish. I will not see it be undone. Are we clear on this understanding," you asked with your head held high.
Bi-Han chuckled as stood up and towered over you.
"I am proud to see the woman that you have become. Tomas would be proud of his baby sister as well," he said, "We have a clear understanding. Should I betray Kuai Liang, my head is yours."
He held his hand out for you to shake, but you wrapped your arms around him instead. Unaccustomed to such gentleness, Bi-Han stood motionless before wrapping his arms around you in return. With an agreement struck, both of you sat back down and you told him of things that had transpired in his absence. You filled in the gaps for him with anything he brought up from his time as Noob Saibot. Hours had gone by as the two of you talked. The last thing discussed was him living at the temple. He promised that in time, he would join the rest of you on the main grounds. There was promise in having he and Kuai Liang both as grandmasters. Your worry of him turning against his brother had somewhat vanished after talking to the man. Bi-Han insisted on walking you back to the main grounds, and you let him. He kept laughing to himself on the journey. Meanwhile, you still felt that nagging feeling of being watched. You gave the elder brother a bow of appreciation before watching him turn back with shoulders shaking from laughter. Perhaps his mind was not as together as you believed.
Upon reaching your chambers, realization had hit you. When you entered the room, Kuai Liang was seated at his desk as he read a scroll. You walked over to him and wrapped your arms around his cold shoulders before pressing a kiss to his ear. He reached back and gripped your thigh tightly. Kuai Liang turned in his chair and allowed you to sit on his lap. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders while you snuggled against him.
"I take it you are not angry anymore," he said.
"Do not act as if you are innocent, Grandmaster."
"What do you mean?"
You pecked his lips and earned an arched eyebrow in response.
"You followed me when I went to visit Bi-Han. You were silent, but I can feel when you are near," you told him.
He hugged you against him tighter.
"I wanted to make sure that you two could see eye to eye. I wanted you to see my brother. He is not evil, (Y/n). He will not betray us," Kuai said.
"I care not for him betraying me, it is you that I worry for. Your love for him is immense Kuai Liang. Love blinds us at times. I will not stand by and watch you be hurt."
"You know that I can fight my own battles, but it is nice to have a wife that cares so much for me."
His finger tilted your chin up as he captured your lips in a loving kiss. Yes, you would always protect him. You chased his lips with yours as he broke away from you.
"There is something that I must ask of you," he said while pressing a finger to your lips stopping you from kissing him.
"Anything, Kuai Liang."
"Earlier when we were at the training grounds. That move when you kicked me...I nor Tomas taught you that. Where did you learn it?"
"When the grandmaster assigned you and Tomas on a training mission with Sektor and Cyrax, Bi-Han took time to teach me a few things. That was one of the moves he showed me," you said.
There was a tiny flicker of jealousy behind those eyes. He did not take kindly to a man other than him and Tomas showing you things. You pressed your lips to his neck drawing his attention back to the present.
"Do you know that Bi-Han once told me that you and I would end up together," you asked.
"No. I did not know that. What else did my brother teach or tell you?"
You groaned in annoyance at his possessive behavior.
"You are more like him than I remember," you said as you stood up and pulled him to his feet, "It is cute that you are jealous, but stop it. I want my husband. Right. Now."
"I think I should visit Bi-Han. It seems that there is much he forgot to tell me," Kuai Liang joked.
He grasped your hips before he lifted you into his arms. The joy flowing from his was positively contagious. You had not agreed with him altering time before, but if Bi-Han made him this happy then you could live with the outcome.
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phenomenal1500 · 3 days ago
~Charles Vane~ (One Shots)
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Chapter 14: Love Overdose
For Chapter 13: L'amour Pas La Guerre click here.
A/N: From now on I will only update if there are requests.... I've kind of lost all my inspiration and I don't want the stories to look alike.
Summary: Reader has an on-off relationship with Charles Vane and he ends up at her doorstep one last time before he has to set sail to complete a very dangerous journey.
Charles Vane x Fem! Reader Warnings: Quickie! Smut!
"What the fuck are you doing here?" You snarled the question Charles' way as if it was an blade thrown towards him at the death of night and he simply just ignored it. He had let himself into your small chamber, pushing the door open and stepping past you without your consent. You had tried to stop the cocky man, but knew his strength was way greater than your own and you couldn't do much except for letting out a huge sigh and closing the door behind his ass. "Hey, asshole? I asked you something!"
"Don't you ever disrespect me like that!" He snapped back, grabbing your wrists and pinning them above your head against the cold wall that hit your back roughly, making you cough a bit because of the blow.
"Excuse me.... I disrespect you? You just bursted into my fucking house without permission." You yelled after you had steadied your voice, not caring who of those curious neighbours of you listened along this time. They always were interested in your privacy and normally you would be careful with what you said towards others, however, this time you were done with his bullshit and you wished to be done with all this. "And I'm the one that's disrespectful." You scoffed, rolling your eyes in the meantime. For several beats you two stayed in this position, his force grip crushing your wrists and you struggling to get free, not that you would succeed though.
"Listen, because I'm going to say this only once. I miss you, Y/N, and I'm done breaking what we have off and then making it up with you again."
"Look who actually has an heart under all the blackness. Unfortunate for you.... we are done and if you every come near me again, I will knock you so far into the further that you would meet your own great-grandkids." Your voice had a cold tone to it that could cut through the hardest kind of metal.
Unpredictably, the man pressed his leg between your thighs and slammed his cloven lips against yours. You first wasn't certain of answering his kiss, the anger still consumed you, but soon you melted into it and bit his lip, begging to intrude his mouth. Saliva was passed on and he tasted like cigars and rum. Just the way you remembered it. You had no idea why he was truly here. Perhaps he was honest and truly missed you or perhaps it was another trick he came up with, although you doubted it this time. He would do anything to get you into his sheets once more, but he would never use his feelings to do so. He never wanted to come over as weak and therefore would never put his emotions on display, well, that is what you thought. Maybe those fantasies only roamed around your head just because you wanted to surrender to him one more time.
His left hand lowered itself to your belt, doing it undone quickly. The pleasure that happened within you was fed by the feeling of his manly hand sliding down into your leather pants as the other one was still holding your wrists together. There was something about the handsome man's way of being mad that made you want to fuck him. For Charles it was the same thing. You both appeared to be unstoppable in those moments. The palm of his hand rubbed against your hardened clit, the sensation that came with it sending waves through your body. Not being able to resist the feeling to move against him, you rocked your hips against his flat hand to speed up the motions he made.
"Fuck, Charles...." You moaned softly, embarrassed by the squawk that left your dry throat. He was still your ex and you weren't comfortable with the idea of being vulnerable for him right after you two ended it all for the thousandths time. It made you think weak of yourself and you were afraid he would use you. However, your bodies thought different. No matter what you two were to one another, this always seemed to happen. It was like your mind told you to keep your distance, but your desires demanded you to give in and so you did. Your pants started to feel like an obstacle that locked you away from the satisfaction that your body urged for. It had to be removed fast. Melting into his kiss once more, Charles in the mean time pulled your pants down so it was unpleasant resting on your ankles.
You clumsily kicked your boots off so you could remove your leather pants fully and it made the broad man chuckle to see you struggle. Although, what were you suppose to do without your hands?
He had let go of them afterwards and your hands then worked up his bare arms, finally able to explore his well-build body. His arm muscles moved and tensed up as you ran your fingers over them. They were strong. He could crush someone's head with using just his arms and the danger turned you on a bit more, the ocean between your legs not managing to wait any longer. He tore his own shirt, and you tried the same but failed.
"Goddammit." You cursed under your breath. It wasn't going fast enough for you.
"Come here." He purred in your ear with a smirk on his face as he grabbed the fabric, ripping it open and making the buttons fall to the floor. "That's how it's done.... Now." He stopped a second, admiring your swollen breasts and cupping them both. His thumbs went over your sensitive nipples and then his mouth followed, his lips closing around your left one, sucking and worshipping it. His tongue left a hot trail behind across your breast while the other one was worked at with his right hand, pinching the peak carefully to provoke another gasp from you. "Turn around for me, will you?"
You did as you were told, enjoying his dominance and letting you submissive side take over. Your bare body was held tightly by the hands of the man behind you and you felt his blue cold eyes burn through your soul. Your soft cheek felt the cold wall as Charles pushed you against it and brushed his cock against your dripping entrance. You were wet and stretched enough for him. You were ready to receive him. His hand ran through your wild hair before he grabbed a fist full of it and pulled your head back, making your back automatically arch. His cock made you feel whole as he fully pressed inside, leaving no inch outside of you. The air started to become stuffy and you had to catch your breath as he pressed his muscular chest against your back, shoving his cock even further to hit that deep spot.
The animalistic pace soon increased and you couldn't do anything but clench and stretch around him. It felt as if he tried to fuck you through the wall, but the deep and hard thrusts hit every pleasurable spot inside your walls so good that it made you grow weak at your knees. The satisfying knot that formed in your lower stomach was closer and closer to bursting and turning into the heavenly storm you so desperately wished for. "That's.... that's it." You gasped.... That last thrust did it for you. Your hand searched for something you could dig your nails into and that was the arms behind you who held your hips bones tightly. The moans and gasped for air sounding from your mouth filled the chamber surrounding you both as the tight knot exploded.
The handsome man behind quickly followed with a savage growl by the tightness wrapping around him and you felt the heat of his release as it shoots through you. you both kept quiet and tried to calm your heart. You felt tired, but calm and Charles retreated himself, quietly tucking his cock back into his pants before he stepped back. You rotated yourself, covering your naked body with a long elegant bathrobe with open sides at the hips.
"I promise you I won't bother you anymore." The man panted, his rough and lustful voice more low than normal.
"You can't promise something you don't have the power over, Captain Vane."
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g0thjeno · 3 days ago
I think the hardest part about y/n fanfic..
Well 1 of course is avoiding ever using a name, especially when you don’t use “y/n”
BUT READER DESCRIPTIONS!! God I wrote something about “pink cheeks” in my first fanfic here and immediately got an anon about that dnwndnwnd like it was my first story- note I have never done that again. I took that into account and I try my best to avoid anything too specific about reader. I’m like hey go easy on me I do not read much y/n to begin with, only fanfic I ever wrote was over a decade ago when I was a literal child, not even a preteen but a CHILD good lord. It was probably trash omg. I don’t want to think about it. Alas! Everyone is a critic so, if you want to share anything you work on- don’t expect anyone to like it lmao.
(I have faint memory of writing wwe fluffy het fanfic one time when I was 10 years old. Major cringe, I do recall it was well received though but looking back I can’t believe I did that🤨 Now here I am writing smut on tumblr- yea.)
That’s the major thing I think y/n fanfic lacks and why I do read idol/idol, the descriptions of character🤤 literally make me fall in love. It’s something I need to work on myself, it’s not easy imo. Only time I think I did good with this is Jungwoo cause I’m in love with him.
I won’t ever do request for writing y/n as *insert some type of specific person here*. I don’t think I’ll do requests ever in general.
I throw in “wide eyes/big/large eyes” here and there. I’m always like “is that...too much”😭 this is probably the only time I get stressed out about what I’m writing vnejxkwk CAUSE I DON’T WANT TO OFFEND ANY READER😣
Like when I received an anon about homophobia in hot sauce. What, this is nct dream- they’re all a little(I mean a lot) gay please🤨 that peeved me for awhile oooo yes, I am human, I lack maturity often. BUT I did not engage- I deleted the message and tried to move on from my annoyance.
New fear unlocked: “that wasn’t dubcon, what you wrote was complete noncon.” The stress comes more from negative opinions readers choose to share with you unprovoked(I don’t ask anyone for criticism on my writing, as I’ve stated I am not looking to improve much. I don’t take it serious, I don’t think of myself as an actual writer lmao. A little self deprecating but this is a stress relieving hobby for me. I don’t want to ruin my fun by treating it like a job.)
While I don’t care to improve like say- My run on sentences, things that don’t make sense much, over usage of apostrophe. I don’t intend to harm or offend anyone either. I don’t think most people sharing their writings are trying to!! PLEASE BE MINDFUL OF TAGS- They are there for a reason.
The only job you have as a reader is not to support all work within the fandom you partake it, no- IT’S TO MAKE SURE YOU READ TO YOUR LEVEL OF COMFORT! Yes smut is great- but some people hate it and should avoid it. Tagging is very important for this reason. Just like tagging self harm, mental disorders, unhealthy behaviors, drug use especially if heavily depicted, etc etc! I really worry about tagging my stuff properly because I don’t want anyone to read it and wish there had been a better warning to avoid *insert something I really did not like here*
I am the type of person that reads almost anything. I think intense boredom and curiosity still has me clicking open things under tags I’d avoid other wise. Never has that prompted me to attack a writer though. That was my choice to read, no one held a gun to my head until I did! So as readers- just mind the tags, support whatever you want to support because you enjoyed it. Don’t be mean- fanfic writers are not getting paid(usually), and you don’t have to read it. Point blank.
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carvemyownpath · 3 days ago
@vengeanceburns asked:
“ he’s poisoned you against us. ”
“ That’s not true! ”
She felt like a child again. Like a frightened, helpless child---screaming at nothing, desperate to be heard.
Everything she had learned over the past several months---everything that had toughened her, disciplined her---she could feel it all slipping away, right through her fingers.
She could feel herself reverting---deteriorating, and perhaps worst of all---she wasn’t even sure that it would have made any difference.
They couldn’t really see her---none of them could. Not even Kael. 
She’d done this for them, for him---especially for him---to become stronger, smarter. To feel like she was actually doing something to save her people. 
There had been personal reasons, too---reasons that she’d wanted to escape, to become more powerful, to push back, but---in the end, it had always been for them. 
For him.
She never would’ve left them. Not ever.
Not even for Illidan. And he---he meant a lot to her. She believed in him. Leaving him had---been one of the hardest things she’d ever done. 
It’d left her guilty. It’d broken her heart. 
But, she’d known what she had to do. She’d always known that.
Until right now. 
Because none of them believed her. She was here, she wanted to help, but---they thought she was a traitor---a monster.
It had left her stricken just to hear any of them spit venom at her, but---she’d been sure---so sure, that if she just talked to Kael, explained it all to him---everything would be all right. 
He would understand.
She’d been foolish. 
He was looking at her like he didn’t even know her anymore.
Under his eyes, she felt repulsive---shameful. Grotesque. She felt like she wanted to twist up inside herself and disappear. 
Her lips trembled, squeezing together. 
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And what if he was right---? What if she had gone too far, sacrificed too much---? What if she couldn’t be trusted anymore---?
That doubt gnawed at her heart, her resolve, but---even if it was true, even if there was something terribly wrong with her now---there was something terribly wrong with him, too---with all of them. 
Maybe she’d chosen the wrong path, but---they were heading down one that would bring ruin to them all. And someway, somehow---she had to stop them. 
But, what could she do---? What could one stupid, naive person do---?
“ Please--- ” A sharp breath hitched in her lungs, and she fell to her knees---begging him, pleading with him. 
“ You know me, please---you have to believe me. Lord Illidan never meant to abandon us. I want to help. I came back to help, just---just listen to me, please. ”
She wanted to be the child that he’d saved again. 
The one he’d taken under his wing. She wanted him to see her like that again. 
She didn’t want to be this thing that he couldn’t even bear to look at. 
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