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#harry potter and the chamber of secrets
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Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Chapter Four

At Flourish and Blotts

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The Weasley and Harry get their Hogwarts letters and are going over the book list (featuring a lot of Lockhart); Harry and Ron hear from Hermione and they plan to meet up in Diagon Alley; Harry takes a wrong turn using Floo powder and ends up in a sketchy shop; Draco Malfoy and his father walk in so Harry hides but he can still hear Malfoy Senior (who will not be winning any Father of the Year awards anytime soon); Mini Malfoy goes on about Harry and Malfoy Senior tells him to tone it down, Senior wants to sell some items because the Ministry has been going on raids, Senior blames and insults Mr. Weasley, Mini is looking around at all the things he wants and Senior says that he should be ashamed that he’s not doing better in school because Hermione beat him on every test, Senior finishes his deal just as Mini is closing in on Harry; Harry gets out of the store and is feeling like he’s not in Kansas anymore when Hagrid sees him and they go to Diagon Alley; Hermione sees Harry and Hagrid and the Weasleys catch up with them so they head into Gringotts; the Golden Trio end up in Flourish and Blotts where Lockhart is signing autographs; Lockhart sees Harry and puts on a big show but the real entertainment starts when Mini starts messing with Harry, Ginny defends Harry and Ron joins in and Mr. Weasley goes after Senior, Hagrid is there and breaks them up and everyone leaves the store to go home.

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Remember when Dumbledore told Harry: “Unless I’m much mistaken, he transferred some of his own powers to you the night he gave you that scar. Not something he intended to do, I’m sure…”, in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets?

Cause I think about that a lot.

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harry potter books as clickbait titles except that it’s actually true

philosophers stone: ‘I’M A WIHAT? STORYTIME: Got sent to a WIZARD SCHOOL and KILLED a teacher!’

chamber of secrets: 'THE HEIR OF WHAT? STORYTIME: My best friend got petrified so I went down a toilet to kill a SNAKE and a HANDSOME BOY?’

prisoner of azkaban: 'HE WAS THEIR FRIEND! STORYTIME: My teacher is a WEREWOLF?? A murderer that escaped from prison claims to be my GODFATHER!’

goblet of fire: 'I DIDN’T PUT MY NAME IN THAT CUP OK? STORYTIME: Got put in a DEADLY TOURNAMENT! (BI AWAKENING) VOLDEMORT IS BACK AND HE KILLED MY CRUSH! (EMOTIONAL)’

order of the phoenix: 'NEW PRINCIPLE? STORYTIME: Dumbledore wouldn’t talk to me! NEW PRINCIPLE MADE A LOCKDOWN?? My GODFATHER is DEAD! (EMOTIONAL)’

half blood prince: 'I TOLD YOU HE’S A DEATH EATER MIONE! STORYTIME: Draco Malfoy was CRYING IN THE BATHROOM so I almost KILLED HIM! HORCRUX HUNTING WITH DUMBLEDORE(HE DIED!!!)’

deathly hallows (pt.1 cuz its too long): 'DROPPED OUT OF SCHOOL! STORYTIME: Searching for horcruxes! I stole DRACO MALFOY’S WAND?? IT WORKS PERFECT WTF! Dobby is DEAD! (EMOTIONAL)’

deathly hallows (pt.2): 'BROKE INTO A BANK! STORYTIME: Freed a BLIND DRAGON and sneaked into HOGWARTS! (STARTED A WAR) Saved MALFOY from the FIENDFYRE! EVERYONE STOP FUCKING DYING! (Snape is ACTUALLY GOOD) KILLED TOM WITH AN 'EXPELLIARMUS’! (VERY EMOTIONAL)

cursed child: 'MIONE WHY DIDN’T YOU DESTROY THAT DAMN TIME TURNER! STORYTIME: Voldemort has a DAUGHTER? DRACO’S child and MY CHILD are BEST FRIENDS??? They travel in TIME! Almost died (AGAIN)’

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Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Chapter Three

The Burrow

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Ron, Fred and George are outside Harry’s window ready to bust him out because they heard from Mr. Weasley that Harry got in trouble for using magic and Harry hasn’t responded to Ron all summer; the Dursleys somehow sleep through the bars being ripped off the window; George uses a good old fashioned hairpin to pick the lock on Harry’s door so they can collect his school things; the Dursleys somehow sleep through the boys loading up a flying car and just as Harry is about to go Hedwig screeches because she was momentarily forgotten; Uncle Vernon finally wakes up and tries to grab Harry as he’s going out the window but Fred floors it; Harry fills in the Weasleys about Dobby and suspects Malfoy is behind it; they arrive at the Burrow and have a plan to sneak in but Mrs. Weasley catches them; after breakfast the boys are sent to de-gnome the garden and Mrs. Weasley is about to read off some tips and tricks from Lockhart but they boys are not about it; Mr. Weasley arrives home and Mrs. Weasley is like so what about that car, and Mr. Weasley is like well it’s legal, but Mrs. Weasley is like yeah because you wrote the loophole in the law by the way Harry is here and Mr. Weasley is like Harry who and woah how was the car ride oops I mean that wasn’t very good of you to do; Ron is over listening to his parents so he takes Harry up to his bedroom and Harry absolutely loves the Burrow.

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Rewatching Harry Potter is so crazy because you see a Hermione paranoid about rules with her ’or worse, expelled’ and all, and then exactly one year later she’s tricking a professor to get a book to brew a forbidden potion at school to go undercover and interrogate fellow students, and I call that growth™

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Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Chapter Two

Dobby’s Warning

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Harry discovers what was watching him from the hedge as we are introduced to Dobby the house-elf (!!!); Harry asks Dobby to sit down and Dobby promptly loses his mind and is overcome with emotion because he is being treated as an equal (my heart broke for the little guy); Dobby punishes himself and he plans to do more back home (my heart is still breaking); Dobby tells Harry that he’s heard gossip about how great Harry is and all Harry is thinking about is how much he misses Ron and Hermione; Dobby tells Harry he can’t go back to Hogwarts and warns that terrible things will happen; Harry asks Dobby a few questions trying to figure out what’s going on (Voldemort does not have a brother for anyone wondering); Uncle Vernon comes to check on Harry because Dobby is quite noisy and, oh yeah, the big dinner deal is going on; Harry’s like see I can’t live like this, I need to go back to Hogwarts; Dobby accidently shows all his cards and Harry finds out that Ron and Hermione have been writing to him all summer, Dobby has just been intercepting them so Harry wouldn’t want to go back to school; Dobby decides drastic times call for drastic measures and destroys the pudding dessert, Harry of course gets blamed; an owl arrives with a letter and the dinner guests are out faster than you can say “boggart”; the letter reminds Harry that he can’t use magic outside of school so now he has nothing over the Dursleys; Uncle Vernon has bars put on Harry’s window and his door is locked almost 24/7 (again, does anyone ever report anything???); Harry is starving and miserable when Ron appears outside Harry’s window!!!

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