#he essentially was a human experiment and woke up as a seven year old | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rendevousz · 3 years

Text

freak

avengers x teen!fem!reader

summary: you get captured during a mission and the team saves you.

warnings: language, violence, brief misogyny, torture, **NO sexual assault (because as i was proofreading, i only implied most of the torture scenes because i didn't want to write it in graphic detail and i realised the vague wordings might be misinterpreted as sexual assault which IT IS NOT, just clearing it up), and also again, my inability to write good endings

word count: 4589

notes: i just rewatched iron man 2 so that explains justin hammer LMAO also ooc justin hammer because even tho mans evil, he gets extremely um.. cruel here but anyways i hope you enjoy this!!

you were 13 when you first met the avengers and 16 when you officially joined. you grew up as one of HYDRA's experimented children and the team had found you when they raided the base that you were in.

a small, sickly-looking kid you were, sat against your cell wall, hugging your knees. 13 but you could probably pass off as a 10 year old due to how malnourished and miserable you were. burying your head in between your knees, you covered your ears as the loud gunshot noises filled the whole place. the metal door of your cell slamming open against the wall had you whimpering, hands above your head in fear.

every time the door slammed open, guards would come drag you out for more experiments so it was an instinct for you to cower in fear at the sound.

"last room in the west hall, i found a little girl."

you heard nothing because you were covering your ears, preparing yourself to be forcefully dragged by the guards to the experiment room. but it never came.

"hey," a soft voice called. you were violently shaking at this point, breathing heavily as you tried to calm down. "hey, it's okay." the voice called out again and you felt them touch your shoulders.

your head immediately jolted up, flinching away from the stranger's touch. your eyes met a blue pair as you backed away into the corner in fear. "i'm sorry! i'm sorry, i didn't mean to." the man apologised. you slowly looked up at him, observing him. he had on a full black outfit, a quiver of arrows slinging on his shoulder and he was holding onto a bow.

"don't be scared. i'm here to help," he states with his hands out, as if to calm you down. "that's what they all say." you hissed through gritted teeth and a tear-stained face, glaring at him even though that could've been a very wrong move had it been with an actual HYDRA guard.

despite the strange feeling of being safe around this man, you didn't let your guard down. that's exactly what those scientists said seven years ago. trusting kind-looking men got you into this hell you never thought you would ever escape from and you weren't going to make the same mistake again.

"clint," a red-headed female, also in all black, entered through the open door of your cell with her pistol up. at the sight of the weapon, you broke your glare towards the man. your breathing quickened and you went back to your original position before the archer came; body pressed up against your knees and covering your ears with your palms.

"i'm sorry! i'm sorry! i'll come! please don't use that on me again," you whimpered, voice muffled as your face was hidden against your knees. the woman freezes mid-walk, looking at her friend with a bewildered expression.

"nat! put that away!" clint whispered harshly, eyes glaring at the pistol in nat's hands. nat's jaw dropped in realisation, a small gasp leaving her lips as she immediately put away her weapon.

she slowly makes her way to you and clint puts his arm out before she could get closer. he looks at her with a worried expression as he shook his head, as if telling her that she can't get too close to you. nat nods understandingly, crouching down a distance from you.

"hey," she spoke softly. "i promise you that we're not here to hurt you." you kept your face hidden from her, still hugging your legs tightly. nat sighs before sitting down.

"here, let's introduce ourselves. i'm nat and this right here is clint." you hear her speak and when you slowly lifted up your head, you saw the both of them sitting down in front of you, seeming to have made themselves at home in your pathetic cell. "what's your name?"

name? you had never been able to use your name before. you always kept your own name deep in your heart despite no one ever using it, afraid you would forget it if you stopped thinking of it. the only name they ever called you here was 'number five'.

"y/n," you whispered, still doubtful about these people's intentions. you almost burst out crying when you said your name out loud. that was the first time you introduced yourself with your actual name and not the number you were given ever since you were captured.

nat must have noticed this because she immediately spoke up, trying to distract you from your consuming thoughts. "y/n...that's a pretty name for a pretty girl like you. how old are you, y/n?" she asks again.

you contemplated once more but decided it was fine. you knew you were probably going to regret trusting these two strangers but what could be worse than what HYDRA has been doing to you for years?

"13," you muttered, looking down at your lap. you were now timidly seated cross-legged, playing with the tattered hem of your shorts. you heard a small gasp from one of them and looked up to see clint with his jaw dropped.

the two adults were both thinking of the same thing. how could you be 13? you were so small and sickly-looking, they didn't even think you were older than ten, let alone an early teen.

"i know you're scared and you have all the reasons in the world to be, but i promise you, we're here to help. we'll get you out of here, only if you trust us. will you trust us?" nat says. your mind was conflicted. you were either going to finally get out of this hellhole or you were going to be taken somewhere even worse than here. but could anywhere really be worse than here?

you decided to take a leap of faith and trust these two strangers. that decision had to have been the best decision you've ever made in your life.

you were now 18, an official avenger and you had the most amazing family you could've ever asked for. they were a bit on the crazier side but could you really have a normal family when said family consisted of superheroes? but you weren't complaining. you loved these people.

they were the ones who took care of you when you thought you had no one. having been a HYDRA experiment, you had abilities the normal human didn't. said ability being shapeshifting and healing. that's why you became an avenger. your shapeshifting ability was essential during missions where you had to sneak in and you being able to heal others was crucial when medic wasn't able to be there on time.

you pretty much came along to every mission despite the adults saying you don't have to. you knew they were only doing that to protect you from dangers of all those missions but how could you not when you had such abilities? they'd be much better with you helping.

that was why you were here, in bulgaria, fighting alongside the team. well, just steve, nat, clint, bucky and tony.

justin hammer had managed to get his hands on a type of out-of-this-planet weapon that tony was also trying to retrieve, and he had big plans with it. hence why the avengers had to come where hammer had wrecked havoc in; sofia, bulgaria. he had upgraded his robots with the tech used for the stolen weapon.

with evil robots attacking the whole city, it felt like you were living the story that wanda told you of what happened in sokovia before you met the avengers.

an hour passed before all of the robots had finally been taken down and you all knew you had to get to hammer before he activates more robots to distract you guys and uses the weapon for bad things.

"tony, have you located hammer?" steve's voice sounded in your ear through the comms. you had just finished healing the nasty gash on clint's side, nat's cut on her forehead and the bruises all over bucky. you were feeling significantly weaker now, from the amount of healing you did. you stumbled slightly when you walked and bucky immediately held onto your arm. "doll, are you okay?"

"i'm fine, buck. nothing i haven't dealt with before," you told him, gently removing his grip on your arm, walking back to the quinjet.

"no, absolutely not. we are not sending y/n right into a death trap. she's not even strong enough right now, she just finished healing us."

you were all back at the compound now and planning a second attack on justin hammer.

"it's not a death trap, buck. and i know you're worried but she's the only choice we got. y/n, all you gotta do is sneak in as one of his henchmen and provide entrance for us. once we get in, we'll take all his guards down and get that weapon from hammer and we won't have to worry about his world domination plans anymore. it'll be over as soon as it starts and she'll be back safe with us. sound good, y/n/n?"

"yeah, sure." you agreed, already having a person in mind that you were going to change yourself to.

the plan had gone just as steve wanted and they managed to raid justin hammer's building, tony stealing the very item that could've aided in the massacre of millions. justin and his henchmen managed to escape the building before the avengers could catch them.

"well, that was anticlimactic," tony scoffs, already making his way to the quinjet. "but good job, y/n. you saved the day once again."

he expected to hear a laugh from you, like you usually did, being the only one who ever responds to him after missions. but instead he was met with silence. "kid?" still no answer.

"y/n, where are you?" steve panicked, finally realising that you were the only one who hasn't responded in a hot minute. "y/n/n, this isn't funny." he breathed out.

"she's...she's gone."

"well, well, well," a voice spoke right as you woke up from your slumber. you squinted, noticing that you were in some sort of dark room with only one light bulb right above you. "what do we have here?"

a figure walks right in the light and you could barely make out justin hammer's ugly face with how dizzy you felt. "if it isn't the little freak." he states condescendingly, smirking down at your helpless position, both wrists and ankles cuffed onto the metal chair you were sat on. you struggled against the restraints, trying to get free but to no avail.

your breathing quickened, your current vulnerable state reminding you of your later years in HYDRA. they had started off experimenting on you on a metal gurney but as you grew older, you realised that what they were doing to you was bad so you started fighting back. that ended you up on a metal restraint chair instead of the gurney, strapped to the chair with cuffs on your wrists and ankles.

this felt like deja vu. the same panic you felt, the same breathing difficulties, the same amount of effort put into trying to get out of the restraints. "you should know, princess, that that doesn't work." hammer chuckled, a fake pout on his lips as he crouched in front of you, a rough hand on your cheek. you instinctively jerked away from his touch, to which he paid no mind to because he had expected that. he then grabbed your chin harshly, turning your head up towards him. you glared at him.

"you think i didn't know what you did? snuck in as one of my men using your freaky powers? not to mention useless. imagine having powers but not being able to use them to even escape from mere humans," he laughs in your face, harshly letting go of your chin, throwing your head backwards. "you tell me where stark planned to bring the weapon and i'll let you pretty little thing go."

"no."

before you could even comprehend, his fist came flying at your face and your head dropped to the side at the impact. your left cheekbone was throbbing and you could already tell you were gonna have a black eye. despite the pain, it wasn't something you weren't used to. you were an avenger, after all. getting decked in the face was practically in the contract.

he grabbed your chin once again, pulling your head upwards to face him. "you're gonna tell me where it is or i'm gonna make you regret it."

you looked up at him with a bored look. he punched you again. and again. and again. until you could taste the blood on your tongue. "think you wanna tell me now, sweetheart?"

"never. not to someone like you."

the man seemed to get a kick out of beating you up because he punched you again in the face. your whole face was pretty much numb now and the metallic taste in your mouth intensified. you smirked at the man before you, chuckling darkly.

"sure, beat up the helpless girl. that's the only way you can beat me, right? when i'm all tied up? what a man,"

his hand was around your throat within a second and he forced you to look him in the eyes again. "sweetheart, you're a girl. tied or not, you're still weak. not even with that useless power of yours."

taking advantage of how close his face was to yours, you gathered as much bloody saliva in your mouth before spitting it in his face.

it was very much the wrong thing to do because after he wiped off his face, he left the room and two men came in, various tools in hand for their fun with you.

"stark! my buddy! how's it going?" justin hammer's face appeared on the screen in the conference room, where the avengers were having a meeting about your possible whereabouts.

"where is she?!" wanda growled, standing up abruptly.

"what ever do you mean?" hammer smirked, feigning innocence. "you know what we mean. where is she?" steve spoke authoritatively, trying to control his anger at the sight of the man's face.

"i'll tell you where your thing is if you tell me where my thing is." he smiled wickedly. this caused wanda to get angrier. "y/n is not a thing! and the weapon was never yours in the first place!" vision held onto her to calm her down and it worked because she sat back down, though still glaring at the screen.

"oh she's not a thing? seems like it to me, though." he smirked and the team frowned, not understanding what he meant until they heard screams and justin's smirk widening at the sound. what a sick bastard. "what are you doing to her?!" bucky screamed, knocking his chair back as he stood up.

"i don't know, you tell me." he chuckles, and the screen changes to the live footage of you in the restraint chair with the two men in the room.

you were no longer fighting back now, just sat limply with your head dropped to the side. the first hour with them, you had been fighting back like you did with justin, despite the restraints, but now entering the second hour, you were too exhausted for anything.

your left eye had been swollen shut, you could barely breathe through your nose, your cheeks were throbbing like hell and your bottom lip was busted. your head was the only thing that moved freely when hit so the men seemed to find satisfaction the most when they punched you in the face. though that didn't stop them from inflicting pain on other parts of you.

"let her go, she's just a kid!" sam exclaimed, his grip on the edge of the table tightening to control his anger. peter and wanda were crying looking at the awful state you were in, clint, tony and bruce were silent in shock, steve and bucky were getting increasingly angry as the abuse continued.

"are you going to tell us where stark is keeping the weapon or have you not gotten enough?" one of the two men was heard asking, pulling your hair back to make you look up at him. you look at with your half-opened right eye, breathing heavily. "my answer's never gonna change no matter how many times you ask."

he scoffs, stepping back before the other man swings a bat right at your stomach. the air was immediately knocked out of your lung. the men laughed as you coughed up blood profusely. this caused wanda to get more hysterical.

"well, looks like she wants more. i'll call back when she's had enough. toodles," he waves his fingers at the camera with a sinister smirk before abruptly ending the call.

the room went silent after the call, save for bucky and sam breathing heavily from the anger they felt. bucky then turned to steve, pain could be seen on his face. "you said she would be safe."

"i–i'm sorry, buck. i didn't know he was gonna take her with him." steve was still frozen in shock, the image of you on the chair now permanently ingrained in his brain. in everyone's brains actually.

"guys, gear up, he's in colorado."

all heads turned towards natasha and she looked back at them with a 'what?' expression. "you were tracking him down the whole time?"

"um, duh? now come on, gotta save our girl."

you awoke to a stinging sensation on your inner forearm. after your bloody coughing fit, they proceeded to beat you up again and you were knocked out then. now you were slowly regaining consciousness but you were starting to prefer being passed out. your whole body was in pain and the fact that you couldn't even move made it even worse.

"oh, lookie here. sleeping beauty is up." you were met once again with justin hammer's ugly face. he was sitting on a chair perpendicular to your left side. you couldn't wait to get out of here so you didn't have to keep seeing his face every time you woke up. your inner forearm was stinging even more now so you looked down at it. you gasped at the sight.

"how'd you like my artwork?" he chuckled at your reaction. there on your arm, obviously carved out with the bloody knife that the asshole was so proudly holding on to, was 'FREAK'. carved out big and bold. on your skin. "pretty fitting, eh? freak? because, you know, that's what you are."

the blood was seeping out through the cuts and it stung even more now that it had been exposed to the air. the asshole moved his chair to your other side. "what should i write on this arm?" he feigns a thinking expression, looking up thoughtfully with his thumb and pointer finger on his chin.

"please, i–i don't know where tony put it. i really don't." you cried, tears now flowing freely down your face without a shame.

he looks at you with amusement. "what is this? are you...are you giving up already? can't take anymore?" he smirks and you sigh, closing your eyes. you just awoke but you were exhausted. so, so exhausted.

he takes out his phone, the smirk now permanent on his ugly face. "stark! kid's finally had enough. wanna tell me where the weapon is now or do you want to find her body at the bottom of the ocean?"

you couldn't even be bothered to react to his statement. the pain all finally registered and you were tired. tired and in excruciating pain.

"kinda busy right now, can you call back later?" you could hear tony's voice sound from justin's phone and the man beside you laughed. "i see you don't care for the girl. what could possibly be more important than saving her?"

"i don't know, you tell me." a voice said from behind you two and before you knew it, hammer was knocked off the chair he was on. you weakly turned your head just in time to see a metal arm force hammer up onto his feet before wrapping around his neck. "don't you fucking touch her again."

"y/n!" you heard wanda's voice as she entered the room with peter. more tears flowed down your face at the sight of them, stinging when they rolled past the cuts on your face but that didn't matter. your family was finally here to save you.

you saw the red mist of wanda's powers surround your cuffs before they clicked open. "oh, bubs, i'm so sorry." she cried, both hands hovering around your face, hesitating to touch you in fear of hurting you. her eyes fell onto the words carved out onto your skin and her mouth fell open before covering it with her hand. "i'm so sorry we couldn't get to you sooner." peter's voice cracked and you could tell he was emotional.

"it's okay," you told them, giving them a small smile, the biggest one you could give in your current state.

tony, sam and steve entered the room to see bucky relentlessly beating up your captor and wanda and peter standing by you as you cried.

"cupcake, we're here now. don't cry, you're safe now." tony came closer and despite knowing that you were because your family was finally here, you couldn't help but let out all the pent up emotions you've kept throughout your time of captivity.

sam had a go at justin once bucky was done and steve had to physically pry them both off of the sick bastard so that nat could cuff him and bring him back to the jet.

"y/n/n, i'm so sorry. if i hadn't–"

"it's okay, stevie." you cut him off. truthfully, you only did so because you knew he was going to giving a long-winded explanation justifying his actions and your headache couldn't bear to hear lengthy sentences. but you also didn't think it was in any way his fault so he didn't deserve to be beating himself up for this. shit happens, anyway.

"let's get you out of here, doll." bucky says, cringing when he sees the blood on the floor of your chair, as well as on your clothes. he quickly reaches to lift you off the chair but stops when you let out an ear-piercing scream of pain. "doll, i'm so sorry! did i hurt you?!" bucky questions in panic.

"y–you didn't, they did. it...it hurts everywhere," you cried, feeling hopeless that you couldn't even bear being carried by someone, let alone get up by yourself. their hearts broke when you said that. you never really cried much in front of them and you were known to withstand pain well because of how much shit HYDRA put you in as well as your powers being healing, meaning you had a higher pain tolerance than most people.

"it's okay, bubs. i got you. let's get you home, alright?" wanda's calming voice broke you out of your breakdown and red mist surrounded your whole body, wanda moving you with her powers. you were thankful of that because it didn't cause any more pain to your body.

maybe hammer was right. maybe you are just a freak with useless powers. wanda floated you into the jet and she set you down on the bed. "y/n, oh my god!" clint cried out once he sees you. you looked much worse than you did on hammer's camera footage during the call an hour ago. "kid, i'm so sorry."

"clint, take the wheel. bruce doesn't have all the resources needed. she needs to be treated ASAP." nat tells her best friend and he nods, taking the wheel and immediately taking off once everyone had boarded.

you were laid on the bed, right eye slightly open as bruce examined you. exhaustion hit you like a truck and before you knew it, you blacked out.

"how is she, doc?"

"pretty banged up but y/n, as i already knew, is a strong girl. lots of internal bleeding, broken bones, bruises and scars but she'll be fine. you can check her file later if you want," doctor cho tells tony outside of your room. "it's fine, can we see her?" he asks on behalf of the whole team standing behind him.

"yeah, of course! she woke up five minutes ago. i'll be off now, call me or my team if you need anything." she bids goodbye and left the group of superheroes.

steve slowly opens the door and there you were in bed, staring up at the ceiling. "hey, y/n/n," he greets sheepishly, feeling as though he had interrupted your alone time of blankly staring at the ceiling. the team trailed in behind him and soon your bed was surrounded by the avengers.

"hi, cupcake."

you looked away from the ceiling and turned your head towards tony. "oh, hey tones." you smile as sam helps you sit up while the rest sat on chairs all around you. "how you feeling, bub?" nat asks, eyes flickering down to the bold scarring of letters on your forearm.

"as okay as i can be." you answered truthfully, pressing your inner forearm closer to your body so the team doesn't see the letters carved onto your skin. you already know what you are, you didn't need the rest thinking so too.

"you're not a freak, bubs."

you look up at wanda. "i'm sorry, i didn't mean to read your mind. but they were awfully loud. you're not a freak, y/n. and you're not useless too. that bastard may have carved out that word onto your skin but the scar will fade. it's not permanent. you know why? because that's not what you are." she tells you, taking off her jacket to wrap it around you because you felt self conscious of the scars all over your arms where the team could see.

"yeah, doll. you're an amazing person and your powers help us so much. i mean, you saved millions just helping us get the weapon back from justin hammer. if you hadn't, well, who knows what could've been happening right now?" he places a gentle hand at the side of your head, stroking your hair.

"yeah and who heals us when we get really hurt during missions, huh? i mean, if you hadn't healed that stab wound i got during that mission in new mexico, i probably wouldn't even be here at this moment." clint tells you and you roll your eyes at him. "you're exaggerating."

"i am not!" he laughed and you playfully rolled your eyes once again.

"y/n/n, i'm really sorry for—"

"i don't wanna hear it, stevie."

"but–"

"no. it's not your fault. shit happens." you brush him off. "lang–"

"you say language to me, i'll blame this shit on you even when it's not your fault. try me, rogers." you glare at the blond super soldier. he raises his arms in surrender, leaning back on his chair as the team laughs.

the team continue to entertain you and you couldn't help but smile at the sight in front of you. these were the people who would drop anything for you and were willing to dropkick any asshole in the face for hurting you. justin hammer never had a chance against your family to begin with.

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#avengers x reader #avengers x teen!reader #bruce banner x teen!reader #bucky barnes x teen!reader #clint barton x teen!reader #marvel x teen!reader #natasha romanoff x teen!reader #sam wilson x teen!reader #steve rogers x teen!reader #peter parker x reader #tony stark x teen!reader #wanda maximoff x teen!reader

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lassieposting · 3 years

Note

Bit late and random but it's the anon you leave food out for here to give away I am also bi and I think exactly the same as you about bi val pretty much, every time Derek offers me representation my reaction is to slowly, hesitantly take it and say "thaaaaaaaaanks..." while rolling my eyes, in much the same way one accepts their least favourite flavour of sweet from an annoyingly enthusiastic uncle-type-individual. Ironically I feel I had more in common with her before the bi shit started up.

What I find really amusing is that Landy actually did reasonably well at representation when (and only when) he wasn’t trying.

Oh god, this got long, anon, my ass rambled.

tldr; I'm glad actual bi people dislike bi val (or how Laundry handled bi val) as much as me, this will probably offend at least one person but i don't really care, Dirty Laundry wrote better rep when he didn't mean to write rep at all, and if he ever starts trying to "represent" groups I'm part of I'll take him out back like a dying horse and shoot him.

Like, yes. He had stupid and potentially offensive shit - I say potentially because what offends one member of a group won’t necessarily offend all of them. His attitude to mentally ill people is, frankly, disgusting. We’ve had “Skulduggery can’t be abused, he doesn’t have feelings”. We’ve had “eVeRyOnE iS bI eVeNtUaLlY”. We had Ping, who seemed to be pretty much universally offensive. And that's what's always going to happen when a straight, cis, white, wealthy, male author tries to write marginalised groups he doesn't know shit about, because inevitably he's going to fall back on stereotypes.

But we also had:

SEXUALITY REP: Phase One's nonstraight characters were treated like the straight ones, and like, isn't that the whole point? There was no need for a massive Coming Out Story TM to grab for those sweet sweet Woke Points, because sexuality isn't supposed to be important to mages. I never understood why Val needed that whole Coming Out Panic storyline. Like...Des and Melissa are ridiculously supportive, encouraging, loving parents. They accepted you dating a ~19 year old when you were ~16. They accepted you revealing you could do fucking magic and that you'd been lying to them for like seven years. They took your undead buddy in stride and the most pressing question your dad had was whether magic toilets exist. There is zero reason to think that "I'm bisexual" is gonna be the thing that makes them flip and throw you into the streets in disgrace, Valkyrie. Come on.

Tanith had girlfriends and it was just mentioned casually, because it's normal.

China had massive UST with Eliza. That was an opportunity right there to not only include a f/f relationship, but also to bring back one of the few precious surviving characters from Phase One, using characters and a relationship that already had several books' worth of setup and tension and interest from fans.

The Monster Hunters have a casual conversation about which one of the Dead Men they'd date.

Ghastly has a conversation with Fletcher about the pain he's been through being in love. He never uses any pronouns.

It was confirmed at one point re: the Dead Men that at this point, after 300-odd years, everyone's been with everyone else at some point.

Thrasher is gay, and while Scapegrace's...everything...is treated as a joke/comedic relief, Thrasher's love for him isn't. He's completely devoted to Scapegrace, and that in itself is not played for laughs, even though the rest of the scene usually is. Thrasher's description of their first meeting is essentially a love-at-first-sight situation for him.

"ABNORMAL" RELATIONSHIP REP: Age gap relationships are normal for mages. Off the top of my head, using only canon, canon-implied or almost-canon ships:

Ghastly/Tanith (~350 year age difference)

Tanith/Sanguine (~250+ year age difference)

Tanith/Saracen (~350 year age difference)

Caisson/Solace (~250 year age difference)

China/Gordon (~400 year age difference)

Kierre/Temper (~500+ year age difference)

If you include fan ships, there's also things like Mevolent/Serpine or my Mevolent/Vile, which are both ~600 year minimum age gaps based on the timeline, or Valdug (and its variations) which is ~400 years.

Now, whether you consider this kind of rep positive or negative is up to you, but it’s there.

MENTAL ILLNESS REP: more like "Which characters in this series don't have a mental illness or a personality disorder?" I have some of these issues, but not all of them, so this is just how I read it, but:

ADHD: Skulduggery

Dissociative Identity Disorder: Skulduggery & Vile

Dissociation: Skulduggery again, most notably in DD and DB

Schizophrenia (or similar): Valkyrie & Darquesse, Valkyrie "seeing" Darquesse's ghost thing in Phase Two

Impostor Syndrome: Reflectionie

Autism: Clarabelle

Trauma/PTSD/CPTSD: Skulduggery, Valkyrie, China, Ghastly, Erskine...pretty much everyone has a believable, understandable, morally grey trauma response in this series. People struggling with trauma are spoilt for choice of characters to see themselves in.

TRAUMA REP: This series is a trauma conga line, but everyone has a believable, understandable, morally grey trauma response in this series. I see little bits of myself in more than one Phase One character.

Childhood Abuse (of varying degrees & types): Skulduggery, Carol & Crystal, Omen, Fletcher, Ghastly, China, Bliss, Sanguine...

Estranged Family: Skulduggery abandoning his crest, Fergus & Gordon, China & Bliss

Bad Romantic Relationship: Skulduggery is also very clearly an abuse victim. He’s got a solid history of romantic attachments to women who manipulate, use and gaslight him for their own agendas. There's a whole paragraph in SPX about how Abyssinia broke him down, isolated him from his friends and preyed on his desperate need to be loved, all classic abuse tactics.

And I’m personally a huge fan of this backstory for two reasons:

1) Society likes a plucky victim in media. The "My suffering made me stronger" type of victim. And it's not always like that in real life. Not all survivors come out of their abuse stronger or kinder or more understanding. Some of us come out cold and fucked up. Some of us end up as emotionally stunted, bloodied-nails-and-bared-teeth survivors, broken in ways that can't be fixed and sustained by enough rage to power a small sun. But society doesn't like to tell the story of that kind of survivor, because we're not usually a likeable protagonist. When we're shown in media, we're usually the sympathetic villain, or maybe the antihero. But Skug is someone who's done awful things and lost pretty much all his faith in humanity and been burned more times than he can count, and he still makes the conscious choice to try and be the good guy when he could so easily go Evil Supervillain on the world, and I don't know about any of y'all, but I've modelled myself on him in that. I've made the choice to do something good when all I really want to do is just become a horrible, shrivelled ball of nastiness and revenge. And that's because I saw him do it and realised that I could do that too.

Skug is an incredibly capable, strong, masculine Man's Man. He gets in fights all the time, and he usually wins. He's military, an industry that's Really Bad for stigmatizing weakness and mental illness, and he's right up at the top of the hierarchy. Almost everyone is afraid of him. He's a straight up cold-blooded killer. Skulduggery Pleasant is precisely the type of person who's not normally portrayed as a victim of anything. Nothing about him screams "victim" at all. But his abuse history is insidious. He's so conditioned to respond in a certain way to abuse from the women in his life, probably from a very young age, that despite all that strength and capability and stubbornness and ego, he just goes along with it. And it's an established pattern going back hundreds of years. He keeps going back to China, even though he knows she's bad for him and his friends keep telling him to stay away from her. Abyssinia latched onto him when he was traumatized and vulnerable and weaponized it against him to make him easier to control - and when she reappears, hundreds of years later, she jumps straight back into using, tmanipulating and gaslighting him and not only does he let her, he doesn't even seem to realise that behaviour is abusive. He thinks it's normal! That's how he's always been treated by his long-term girlfriends, with the notable exception of Wifey. Even when Val is being fucking nasty to him in the first couple books of Phase Two, sniping and lying and blaming him for everything under the sun, he just takes it. There's no attempt to tell her she's being unreasonable, no telling her to fuck right off and give her head a wobble, no defending himself even when she's bitching over something that isn't even his doing. And this is a man who has an absolutely gleaming steel spine the rest of the time; Skug has no problem saying no to anybody else, but he can't get past the way he's been taught to treat the important ladies in his life. Skug is a walking reminder that anyone can be a victim of abuse, even the ones who seem least likely to be susceptible.

GENDER REP: This one is the most iffy out of the bunch and definitely was not done very well in the eyes of the people who matter most, but I'll include it anyway because it mattered to some.

So there's Nye, who's...agender? Genderless? And uses "it" pronouns? Nye was generally considered horrible rep because it's also a war criminal and experiments on people and I've seen people say "Well I don't want to be seen like that" but? It's still possible to be a war criminal and also genderless. I never saw the two things as being related or relevant to each other.

There's also Mantis, who's in exactly the same gender/pronouns boat as Nye and always seems to be forgotten about, which sucks because Mantis is a war hero. It fought for the Sanctuary during the War and they never lost a battle when it was in command. It's called out of retirement to fight for the Supreme Council in LSODM, ends up fighting alongside Skulduggery during the Battle of Roarhaven, and ultimately dies attempting a very brave, very risky strategy. Mantis is, unreservedly, one of the good guys. It was also my introduction to sentient beings using "it" pronouns, and did it in a way that felt natural, so when I met my first person online who used "it" pronouns and hated to be referred to as he/she, it was...weird, but not as weird as it would otherwise have been, because I was like, "Oh yeah, like the Crenga. Okay."

And then there's the Scapegrace sex change plotline, which...I might have an unpopular opinion on this one. From what I’ve seen, trans people don’t seem to think was handled well or with any sensitivity at all. I’m not trans, so if the trans community says he was being offensive to them, I’m not going to claim otherwise. But...I first read the Scapegrace plotline as a young teenager in a tiny rural school with zero diversity, going through a period of being deeply confused about my own gender identity. He was more or less my first introduction to the idea that genitals =/= gender. I was relieved, at that point in my life, to read someone having a lot of the same thoughts I was having about being in the wrong body. So while it may have been badly done and yeah, the series would probably have been better without it, it did make at least one kid suspecting she might not be cis go “Huh! So there are other people who feel like this.”

Thrasher is also implied to be legitimately trans/gender-questioning, and that's not played for laughs either.

So? Phase One, while it absolutely had faults and issues and things that were just "Oh god why", was actually full of rep, at least compared to the other series that I read as a child/teen. But? As soon as Dirty Laundry started trying to be woke? He fucking sucks ass at it. Aside from confirming Phase One's hints that Skug has a background of abusive relationships, every single attempt at shoehorning rep into Phase Two is Bad.

The painfully OOC, forced, badly-written awkwardness of Val suddenly being rabidly horny for women out of fucking nowhere. The stilted, forced cringiness between her and any of the women she's flirted with - contrast that with Sorrowscorn's interactions, full of natural chemistry that had us all like 👀 I mean, I never shipped Val/Melancholia, but I could always see why people did - they had miles more chemistry than Val/anyone in Phase Two.

The fucking mess that is v*litsa, because if someone says "I'm really not interested in friendships/relationships right now", clearly the route to true love is to bulldoze their boundaries and forcibly insert yourself into their life and proceed to treat them like a delicate soft uwu flower, completely ignoring the horrible things they've done, while gleefully damning their best friend as an irredeemable monster for the exact same things, which is. You know. Gonna affect your so-called love's self-confidence and self-esteem because she knows she's no different to him. Y'all know I love an angsty ship, an unhealthy ship, a ship with fucked power dynamics, but I literally cannot roll my eyes any further back in my head at this shit. I never read Demon Road, but from what I've heard from friends who did, it does seem like every time Laundry tries to write an f/f ship, he comes up with a cringey abusive/manipulative caricature and tries to call it rep, and he needs to Stop.

Val's Mental IllnessTM arc. It's funny how he wrote Skulduggery as a wonderfully complex character with deep-rooted psychological damage and long-lasting trauma, but believes he wrote a character with "no feelings" - but when he tries to delve into the damage the world of magic has done to Val, he turned her into a weak, whiny drug addict who treats everyone around her like garbage and is so selfish and dislikeable that I? Honestly can't even reconcile Phase Two val with Phase One val. They're two completely different people. He's shown on Twitter that he doesn't have any respect for mentally ill people, and it shows. Other mentally ill people might see it differently, but the whole thing just makes me go "yikes".

Never, who has no personality outside of being genderfluid, and whose pronouns make no sense. I'm sorry, I have never met an nb person who insists that you change from male to female pronouns multiple times in a sentence, every time you refer to them. It's confusing as fuck. Now I have been told that Never has apparently received some character development in the last couple books, and if so, fair play, but I quit reading after Midnight, and Never and the rest of the personality-less new characters introduced in Phase Two who just seemed to be 2D Stereotypes to snag Woke Points were a big part of why, so. Development too late, I'm afraid.

(Now, if anyone is looking for a well-written genderfluid character, I recommend the Tawny Man trilogy by Robin Hobb. I have a lot of issues with her as a writer, and unfortunately I hate her POV character which puts me off the series as a whole, but she wrote the Fool/Amber/Lord Golden and their gender identity/approach to sexuality with so much more respect and realism. That is the kind of rep nb people should be getting: 3D, complex, realistic characters whose gender is only a tiny fragment of their personality, not the be-all-and-end-all of their existence. You know. Like cis people get. Nobody wants to be represented by a 2D cardboard cutout stereotype.)

Anyway idk how much sense this makes it just really amuses me that Laundry would include all this rep completely unintentionally and then go on Twitter and remind us all that actually he's a massive asshole via insensitive/offensive tweets about the groups he'd actually done a fair job of including (i.e. Skulduggery has no feelings, mentally ill people should find another series to read, the bullshit about Val being "heteromantic bisexual" on Twitter and then spouting all the "the woman she loved uwu" shit in the books (proving he has no idea what he's talking about), eVeRyOnE iS bI eVeNtUaLlY. He can only write half-decent rep when he's not trying and he inevitably outs himself as having a really shitty attitude towards those people anyway, proving that ultimately it's all either unintentional rep or performative wokeness.

#skulduggery pleasant #sp meta #derek landy hate blog #Anon #fire message #anti valitsa #anti val #anti phase two tbh #phase two fans will not enjoy this post

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magic-muse · 4 years

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[ ALYCIA DEBNAM-CAREY / CIS FEMALE ] ┊ CORNELIA GREENWOOD ― This SIXTY-FOUR ( APPEARS TWENTY-FOUR) YEAR OLD SUPERNATURAL ( WITCH) is WITH the humans. SHE has lived in Marion for SIX YEARS in the ST. AGNES VILLAGE neighborhood, working as an DJane AND HOSTESS AT BADLANDS. There are no winners in this war, and SHE is NOT AT RISK of losing the supernatural war.

ABOUT CORNELIA GREENWOOD.

FULL NAME: Cornelia Greenwood

AGE: 64 (appears to be 24)

NICKNAME: Nelly

SEXUALITY: Bisexual

GENDER IDENTITY: Cis female

HEIGHT: 5′8

WEIGHT: 120 lbs

SPECIES: Witch

OTHER

DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: Mostly wears black. Not unlikely to have some isolated feathers left in her hair or on her clothing somewhere.

OCCUPATION: Djane at BADLANDS

HOMETOWN: Lumberton, Texas

PERSONALITY: Impulsive, ruthless, contradictory, destructive, absent-minded, hedonistic, distressed

VIEWS

WEREWOLVES: Not as hostile as against Vampires, but Cornelia will attack them, if they bother her too much. As long as she deems them useful for her business, she is willing to put up with them.

HUNTERS: Cornelia is on their side. Even though she knows that ultimately, she is as much ‘supernatural’ as werewolves and vampires and the hunters target, they have the same goal for the time being. Nelly is very well aware of the risk of being targeted herself though.

VAMPIRES: Cornelia wants to see them all dead and that’s about it. She uses them as long as they are more useful for her business and are an open gate to reveal more vampires to her. As soon as they are neither or too much of a bother…well.

HUMANS: Cornelia is on their side of the war because of whom she wants dead. She doesn’t like them either.

ABOUT

Cornelia’s father had been famous for finding a cure against feather-dermis. Otherwise he was a total nut-job. No wonder Nelly’s mother had left him when she was only four years old. Being absolutely reclusive and invested in his books and herbs instead of paying any attention to his child, Cornelia spent most of her childhood and adolescence with her grandmother and her great-grandfather.

Especially her grandmother Isabella was drawn to black magic. Until Cornelia’s great-grandfather passed away, Nelly was equally educated in many fields of magic and potion-making. Her father insisted on Nelly’s education in the history of magic and many other theoretical concepts of modern physics, medicine or chemistry. Once Nelly’s great-grandfather had passed, her education based heavily on sacrificial rites, blood rituals and balancing the veil to other dimensions and abstractions.

Cornelia’s strength are bonding techniques and divination. She can easily connect to or even overtake some minds, the lower the sentience the better. Once Nelly has touched another’s mind, she can find traces and act like a tracker. Her powers also work with objects or maps, but less clearly.

Her grandmother Isabella has especially focused on furthering those bonding-abilities and has tried to gain access over the divination-powers of her grandchild. Nelly’s prophecies prove to be unpredictable and uncontrollable. Isabella’s goal in furthering Cornelia’s bonding-abilities lay in the ultimate goal of overtaking her own grandchild in the end, ending up with the power of two witches and a new and once again young witches-body. During the final ritual, Isabella did reveal her plan. Cornelia was heartbroken but was neither strong enough to take action against her grandmother nor was she willing to – she didn’t have to. It was her powers that had set up the bond between the two witches and of course, Nelly hadn’t given up her being voluntarily, so she didn’t. Isabella’s plan backfired and instead of her gaining power from Nelly, it was the other way around.

Shaking her dead grandmother, trying to will her back to life, Nelly felt a very clear spot of pain in her chest that had been left empty by her beloved Saby. Doing the only thing that felt natural to her by that time, Nelly reverted back to herself, to that innermost core of pain and tried to connect herself with nothing but. Her and the dead body of her grandmother were surrounded by thirteen raven that had been part of the ritual. Nelly flung her hands at them, trying to drive them away from the dead body. Her fingers grazed feathers softly and-

Alone in a massive mansion with a mad wizard that could have come straight from one of those stupid human fantasy books, Nelly started to work herself through all those books that had been prohibited before. On the morning of her seventeenth birthday, an unusual scene played out in the Greenwood Mansion. Professor Astrophilus couldn’t find his daughter. He couldn’t even recall the last time he had seen her at all. In the end the wizard found Cornelia in the library buried in books and black feathers. The roles had somehow been reversed and Nelly looked at her father with a different set of eyes. That day, she decided not to spend any more of her time reading and learning new magic but to perform the one she knew by now. Her main goal was to find a vampire and rid him of his immortality.

Since the final ritual with her grandmother, Nelly had held on to that core of pain. Whenever she reached out to her center. The deepest core of herself. There was pain and it was there to connect with. It was as easy as brushing a strand of hair behind her ear and she was up in the air on strong black wings. The raven she had touched in that moment of carelessness had heard her calling and the power her grandmother had released, had set Cornelia free, free to escape and fly wherever she wanted to go to.

Tracking down vampires and following them until their motives were clear was Nelly’s main activity from then on after. She learned quickly that not all of the immortal creatures saw their endless life as a blessing. Eventually, she did end up with a female vampire who had just lost her partner. She wanted to vanish from earth too, but not in pain. Cornelia would grant her that in exchange for endless life. Shortly after she had turned eighteen, Nelly decided that aging was not her thing at all. Instead, she decided that the finer things in life could now begin.

For about 35 years, Cornelia lived life to its fullest. She travelled through the United States and Mexico, Europe, parts of Asia and Russia – in her human form. Immortality had a very negative side-effect to her magic. Centering herself was a lot harder than it used to be. Connecting herself to her essential core, was no longer possible. Her wings were gone.

Her goal was always to learn new magic wherever she came to, but mostly, she was interested in different abstractions, dimensions of the mind and soul, connections of the body and the immortal parts of life. How did magic in its core develop? What did happen after death and how could she access, connect to whatever it was? Working with spirits, souls, blood and bones, Nelly’s adventures were cut short by an unexpected message.

Cornelia returned to the Greenwood Mansion to bury her father. He had died after one of his experiments had gone awry. It was to usual fate for many magicians. Still, it left Nelly disconnected for a while. She stayed at her childhood home and revisited the books and recipes, tables and drawings. For the first time, she showed real interest in the town she grew up in.

On a rainy Friday night, Cornelia met Cassandra. Cassy was a few years older than Nelly, well appeared to be. Their love was firecrackers on New Year’s Eve, peachy flower petals oh so gentle against the skin of Cassy’s jaw, thousand needle pricks at Cornelia’s neck, when she got that tattoo of her raven-form. Cassandra’s family didn’t approve of Nelly. Of course, they knew the rumors of that old mansion and the Greenwood family. They had known Nelly’s mother, hadn’t they? What had happened to her? When Cassy’s sister Theresa was diagnosed with pulmonary cancer, Nelly decided to take the plunge. They were almost five years into their relationship. Theresa and her husband had four young children. Nelly knew that she would have to leave after this, with or without Cassandra. Telling the love of her live about her supernatural powers was hard but Cassy’s reaction made everything that followed easy. Nelly healed Theresa and the lovers left Lumberton.

Nevertheless, realization hit Cassandra hard. Cornelia would never grow old with her. Cassy was already physically older than her. At least seven or eight years. They fought. Nelly denied that there was a way of changing that believing herself without questioning her presuppositions. Cassy cried when they celebrated her next birthday and their next anniversary and Nelly started researching.

For Nelly’s next birthday, Nelly got a present for both of them. She had found a way to also pass on immortality. The very cheesy present Nelly made Cassy rip open contained two gray wigs to symbolize their future. Cornelia would spend the night with the designated acceptor and wake Cassy with breakfast in bed, so they could start together in their new life.

The ritual went well. Being the donor meant that Nelly had been drained from energy and had set up many protection spells for herself this night, neglecting Cassandra for this occasion, so she would make it back home safely and not be trapped with a much stronger immortal. Cornelia’s alarm woke her early so she could get fresh goods for their shared breakfast on her way home. Arriving excitedly, she already felt that something was off when she arrived at their driveway. The front door wasn’t shut all the way and Nelly didn’t even have to open it all the way to see the devastating results of what had happened last night while she hadn’t been home.

There was not a droplet of blood to be seen nor left in Cassandra’s body. As far as Nelly would guess, the vampire had been able to walk up to their front door as their protective shields were down, instead protecting Cornelia. After ringing the bell, they most likely had persuaded Cassy to invite them in and that was that. Nelly hadn’t even been aware of vampires in town. They were focused on love. Now, Nelly swore vengeance against any of those bloodsucking beasts on the surface of this planet.

Sobbing, Nelly sat down besides Cassandra and tried to connect to any traces of her mind that were left – but there were none. Instead, Nelly felt a familiar pit of pain in her chest. Absentmindedly, she brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear and spread her wings.

#intropost #intro #bio #LONG AF

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theeverbloomingdarkness · 5 years

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Post KH3 Headcanon

Headcanon Post

// Here it is, finally. Expect there to be edits done to this post because I always end up thinking of something new/something I forgot to add.

Upon re-completion and the return of his heart, Marluxia/Lauriam has at last begun to remember his past life and self. Many of his memories are still “hazy on the details” and there is a lot he does not remember yet. It is his hope that over time as he lives his life and explores the memories returned to him, he will remember more. Regaining his memory is now one of his larger goals at present since he at last has his heart (that’s one mark off the checklist) . It was always one of his goals, but it is only now that he has made any sort of progress and he intends to make more- or try.

Rather than him remembering everything all at once and immediately, I’ve taken a more realistic approach to his amnesia. It is a slow process, and it is seen as ultimately impossible to completely remember every aspect of one’s pre-amnesia life.

However, as we know (thanks COM), even though he cannot remember them, the memories themselves are all there and they can never completely disappear. Which is why even as Marluxia, a lot of his past self’s traits still persisted/made themselves known subconsciously- I.E. his manner of speaking, taking on a leadership role, his affinity for the keyblade...

((^--- *Interesting tidbit- there are 2 big types of Amnesia, the first being when someone cannot remember the past, and the second being when someone cannot make new memories. There was a study done on a man with the latter of the two; what researchers did was ask him an opinionated question and receive his answer. Due to his amnesia he would always forget ever being asked the question, but every time they asked it, his answer was always the same. Every time.))

(((As Union X continues on, I will be making headcanon changes to adjust of course, as there are a great many unknowns. BTW)))

Though he remembers his name, Lauriam, he does not choose to go by that name now, continuing to use the name Marluxia. Why? Firstly, everyone knows him as Marluxia and knows nothing of who he was as Lauriam, it is simpler to just continue going by Marluxia than to correct people or try to incite the change- and it is not something he considers important right now. Marluxia is the name he feels most familiar with and is most comfortable with. Secondly, he does not feel ready to take on that name, he doesn’t feel like Lauriam. He only recently remembered his name and has only just begun to remember things about his past life. He is not ready to call himself Lauriam yet, if he ever will be.

Marluxia essentially has two different lives and experiences melding together in his head at this point. He is in the process of remembering who he was, reflecting on who he is now, and questioning who he will be in the future.

Having a heart, his voice is now more emotive when he speaks-- there are lilts in his tone and the words he says. He speaks far less flatly.

Personality-wise, Marluxia exists as a fusion of Lauriam and Marluxia. Marluxia lacked empathy, but with a heart and memories, he now takes empathy into account where he did not before. He remembers feelings; being sad, hurt, angry, happy, and so on and empathizes with his heart, taking that empathy into consideration when making choices.

He cannot/will not simply 180 and revert back to his 15 year old self. He has grown too much since that time and through the life and experiences he lives through as Marluxia.

For example: Marluxia would have made a point of punishing/torturing/destroying Axel for his betrayal at Castle Oblivion and the destruction of all his goals. Now, this no longer feels so important to him. Does he dislike Axel because of it? Yes. Does he forgive Axel? No. If Axel had not intervened there is a possibility that Marluxia would have been successful in using Sora to aid him in overthrowing the Organization( knowing, of course, that Xemnas never cared to help his fellow Nobodies regain their hearts and wanted them as empty husks). With himself as Superior he could have directed the Organization toward their actual goal to study the heart and regain their hearts, and perhaps avoided becoming vessels used in Xehanort’s plot entirely. You never know.

Marluxia cares more about regaining his memories, his keyblade, avenging his sister’s murder, and perhaps bringing her back to life than he does destroying Axel for the past and his past obstruction of Marluxia’s goals. Again, it no longer feels so important to him.

About Strelitzia.

Marluxia remembers her being his little sister, remembers her name, remembers that one of the other Union Leaders-one of his supposed friends-murdered her and took her spot. Rather than having Marluxia still searching for Strelitzia like he is in Union X at exactly this moment, I have opted for a more angsty storyline in which Lauriam did eventually uncover the truth. Something happened when he was 16 that he cannot remember, and after that he was in the present time, 100+ years in the future. He was never able to pay the killer back for stealing her life, and this bothers him. He does not know what became of the killer (Blaine?), but it is likely that they were able to live out their lives, evading justice, evading him.

This is important right here: Marluxia does not know Strelitzia’s heart is in the Final World. How would/could he? That’s why Sora telling him where she is is such an important plot point. He doesn’t know she’s there.

He remembers he was a Union Leader and there were four others, his friends. He can remember their faces, but not their names. He remembers he had a Keyblade, was a Union Leader in fact, but cannot manage to summon it now. In accordance with his private manner, Marluxia does not seek out help with this issue/does not wish to make his business anyone else’s, because it’s not their business. The one person he MIGHT have considered approaching would be Sora, who just so happens to be missing. Marluxia is too proud to go to any of the Seven Lights for help and instead is determined to figure it out himself.

His third main goal now is Strelitzia. Finding a way to bring her back, and finding a way to get to her killer if possible. The latter being an ambitious and seemingly impossible task, but if he, Elrena and co are in the future there is a chance the killer might be too. He might also look into things with fellow amnesiac Luxord on the manner of time and different world lines, which a certain someone once mentioned and it stuck with him.

As for the task of returning Strelitzia, he is working to regain his keyblade (as I stated before) to aid him with such a task, thought possible due to the keyblade’s, and his own, unique powers. The life/death energy he commands. It is another very ambitious task, but another he is pursuing. He can create and take life in the form of plants and flowers through energy- living things- so why not try to expand his reach? It is more complicated as human beings are not like flowers and such- comprised of heart, body, and soul. Having been deeply involved with Vexen’s replica research, he knows that a body can be made (thank you Vexen Frankenstein), he will work toward providing a soul, but as we all know, a heart cannot be made. Not without memories like a replica’s hearts are made from, which isn’t a possibility. Where did her heart go? Where does a heart go? Was it destroyed? Is it gone forever?

Death is the total destruction of body and heart, so it seems impossible to bring her back, but something makes Marluxia determined anyhow. If he can get his keyblade, remember how to summon it, how to use it, learn its secrets, he may be able to do something. He believes in the possibility that her heart isn’t truly gone, that it is somewhere (perhaps Kingdom Hearts), which is what makes all of this probable to him.

Unbeknownst to him, we know that he’s right.

*He also remembers flashes of the Keyblade war. The Foretellers, though not which union he was in [conveniently ;) ] Elrena. Some childhood moments.

???The big 10 year gap is one of the biggest mysteries. Lauriam is 15-16. Marluxia is 25-26. Unless he was asleep, something had to happen during this time. Because I don’t think the Square writers will want to come up for anything during this long-ass time, I’m betting he was asleep or something. Luxu likwly knew they were sent off into the future/the events of Union X and was like, well, guess I’ll wait until the day they pop up again. Then they did. Ven went with Xehanort and he was like K, Subject X was found Ansem the Wise and he eventually yoinked her. Maybe he yoinked Lauriam and co. when they first showed up as 15 year olds too, and stuck them in some pods until he needed them. Then at the point Xemnas/Xehanort was like we need more vessels, Xigbar was like, hey, I know a few good vessels with strong enough hearts to retain their human forms as nobodies, and then they were turned into Nobodies and finally woke up.

#headcanon #kh3 spoilers #spoilers kingdom hearts spoilers #word vomit WOOPS #lots going on

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haiky-u-lously · 6 years

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Just a little lie won’t kill ya. (2/6)

Warnings: Language...I think that’s it?

a/n: I do have a specific image in mind for what Alexander and Brock look like in this and if people want to know I can put that together. But seeing as the first chapter only got 6 notes (period) and three of them were from this blog itself, is kind of depressing. Oh, well. Carry on I guess. This is a bit longer than the first, but I’d claim they will all range on the high end-as do most of my things. Okay well, feedback/comments/concerns/ideas are all welcome.

Enjoy! --Admin Red

Chapter 1: Meeting

Chapter 2: The Names

____________________________

You woke to a very bad headache. Thinking, guess I didn’t drink enough water when I got home last night.

Thoughts drifting back to the night before, you found yourself smiling in contentment. Hanging out with everyone had been a valuable experience to have. And, having it occur so early into the year could only help as you maneuvered through your classes.

Making your way to your bathroom to prep for the day was easier said than done. In all your drunken wisdom you had flung off your clothes and shoes and the items laid in the way of the unlit path.

But, you survived and despite the initial shock that came from the bathroom light, managed to complete your morning routine without issue.

Luckily, you had just finished getting dressed when your roommate made her appearance.

“(F/N)!!” She screamed again, at just a slightly lower volume than the day prior.

You made a face but were happily surprised that the girl did not just phase through the doorway. “It’s all good, Kit.”

“Oh thank god.” She released, once again ignoring the boundaries of using the door. But, HEY! Progress. “Is that how it is for you all the time?” She asked, making her own visage a particular way turning to eyeball the door.

Laughing, you placed a hand on her small shoulder, “Well, yes. But normal people still use a door.”

She shuddered at the thought and the two of you found yourself laughing uncontrollably.

“Oh!” She jumped. “I almost forgot. Everyone from yesterday wants to get breakfast together, you good with that?”

You nodded in affirmation, “Sure, why not. I can always go for some food.”

_______________________

At breakfast you made note of a few things.

First, Tony had sat himself right next to you. Essentially taking your end-of-the-table seat. Okay, fine. You didn’t so much ‘notice’ this as much as had it happen to you. But, semantics.

Then you noticed that Steve Rogers and Brooklyn sat across from Tony and you respectively.

Sitting next to Brooklyn was Alexander, and Brock sat next to him. Both lost in a whispered conversation between themselves.

Rogue sat at the end most opposite Tony and looked like she was very uncomfortable in the position. You stood to go over and offer to switch with her.

“Hey, Rogue.” When Bobby did just that. Leaning over her frame, the Ice King whispered in her ear. She nodded a bit solemnly before making to shift positions.

After Bobby took her place, Rogue moved to sit across from him. Taking a place next to the beautifully accented Wanda. You just couldn’t get over it, really.

Between you and Wanda was Kitty. You saw her make a face when Bobby switched seats with Rogue but refused to believe she’d start up any high school aged drama when you all were so much older than that.

You found it extremely interesting that no one was sitting next to their ‘partners’ from the day prior. Also finding it sort of strange that there was still this divide between the mutants and the humans.

However, your train of thought was short lived as a speedster determined he’d mess with your table this bright and beautiful morning.

The streaking of silver a blue was nearly impossible to miss, but you could not make out the actual figure of the shape causing it.

That is until a bright red, near transparent wall appeared to trap the runner in their tracks.

“Oh! Come’n Wan’s.” The silver haired male cried out. Punching the wall to no avail. “Ya’ can’it take the fun out’ta the morning.”

Hearing him speak more, you realized the male’s accent matched the girl he was addressing. You saw the change in the girl’s attitude and figured this was a personal matter to be dealt with between them.

Grabbing your breakfast items, you said your goodbyes, “Well. It’s been a blast, guys. But, I am gunna go get started on these papers for the Professor.” Nodding once more, you took your leave.

_____________________

You had found a nice quiet place to work. Finishing your food, you decided the best course of action for the day was to just finish everything as soon as possible, turn it in and then enjoy the rest of your birthday.

It was just a hair’s breath away, but you caught yourself from laughing out loud and disturbing the peaceful environment around you. It was so serene, you didn’t want to move a single grass stalk.

Pulling out your laptop and writing out everything that had happened was the easy part. What took you almost an hour to do, was make the story seem like a paper written by the college intellectual you were. You had just finished skimming over the completed document when a pair of voices reached your ears.

“We can’t just walk up to her like this.”

“Well, why not? It’s not like we’re strangers or anything. And, we have a purpose for doing so. Right?”

You noticed right away that the individuals were Brock and Alexander. So, you put your laptop down, and stood to greet them. “Hello, boys.”

“SHI--!” Brock jerked, “I mean, hi (Y/N).”

Something felt a little off to you, but you threw it to him being nervous or something. “What’s up, Brock?” You smiled encouragingly.

“Oh,” He glanced at Alexander, who just shook his head.

Smiling, he took the lead in answering your question. “Brock forgot the name of the place you took him to yesterday. And, what he ordered.” Softly laughing, he continued, “And, what you did after the shooting range.”

The shock on your face was prominent.

“Truthfully he also forgot the shooting range, but since I saw him there for that, and we were altogether for the end we can fill in those blanks by ourselves.” Alexander added with another grin.

“Wait.” Holding your hands up, you looked at the pair of men in disbelief. “Do you not remember yesterday at all?”

Glancing at Alexander again, Brock just shrugged his shoulders.

“Fuck!” Exclaiming louder than necessary, you picked up your device and balanced it on one knee. “Okay so here. This isn’t my actual paper, but I made a sort of timeline with some of my own highlights before I wrote everything properly. I’ll email it to you, so you can do what you need to. How did you drink so much? Never mind. Don’t answer that. I need plausible deniability. Holy shitake mushrooms. I feel so sorry for agreeing to that boat ride now.”

You kept rambling as you pulled up the document and drafted the email out, completely oblivious to the rolling of eyes that Brock sent Alexander at your comments.

“Okay, there.” You sighed, closing the electronic device and returning to a position with both feet on the ground. “You should have it in your mailbox.”

“Thank you, (Y/N).” Alexander smiled to you, “You’ve been a great help.”

You blushed at the dripping sincerity of his voice and tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear. “Oh, um, no problem.”

The pair left, but it took a while for you to get back on track with your own work.

After finally finishing your second essay, and checking the time, you noted it was time for lunch. However, due to your breakfast, and just wanting to finish with the Professor’s assignments, you decided to skip lunch.

Making your way towards the main part of campus, you ran into Tony walking with a blonde woman.

“(Y/N)!” He yelled before wrapping you into a tight hug.

The breath pushed out of you was more of a gasp of surprise at the sudden contact than anything else. “Hi, Tony.” You somehow released. The tightness in your tone telling him he was squeezing to tight.

Upon release, you took a few big gulps of air.

“Sorry, sorry.” He breezed easily. “Oh! Pepper! This, this is (Y/N). The mutant I told you about.” He pointed directly at you with an accusatory finger, “I still don’t know what your power is.”

You shrugged around him, and gave an inviting grin to the blonde woman, Pepper. “Hello, Pepper. Lovely to meet you. Tony shared so many wonderful stories of you last night.”

Not missing the beat red that appeared all over her body, you stifled a laugh. It was too funny watching Tony walk up to her with all this confidence just to have his foot smashed underneath her own, and then see him wince and hope around like a seven-year-old.

“Better have been all good things. I practically run this idiot’s life.” She chastised.

You couldn’t hold it back anymore and laughed whole-heartedly. “Of course, of course. I think he actually said those exact words at one point.”

Tony smiled at you, thankfully. Pepper’s demeanor softened, and she kissed the scruffy man’s cheek. “Well, you can’t be to careful with this billionaire.”

“Oh!” you exclaimed, “So you really are James Bond!”

The three of you kept messing around a bit as you made your way towards the Professor’s office.

“You are turning in your papers already?” Pepper asked innocently.

Nodding, you smiled at the girl. “Finished them as quickly as possible so that I could enjoy some free time.” Actually, I just want to see what and where my fucking-names are since I was too stupid to check this morning.

“I wish Tony had that same thought process. But noooo, he wanted to work on his project right after breakfast.” Thrusting her finger into his shoulder, you could tell it was all in good fun.

“Hey. In my defense,” The man retaliated in mock-surrender, “You can’t diminish genius when it strikes.”

Putting on your strongest blank face, you teased him. “You’re right, Tony. Let us know if you ever see a genius have an idea strike.”

Pepper was in hysterics at you comment. Tony had a mock-hurt expression on his face. And, you were just trying to keep the straight face act up.

“Oh, I like her, Tony.” Placing a small hand on your shoulder the blonde smiled at you. “We have to meet up again. You are just too fun.”

Wrapping your arm around her waist you smirked cheekily at the billionaire across from you. “Sorry, Tony. Looks like she’s mine now. Go find your own bad-ass.”

“As much as I would love to see that and trust me I would pay good money to see that,” He smiled and pulled Pepper back into his side, “She’s staying with me until she says otherwise.”

“Nice catch there.” Pepper added. “Bye, (Y/N)!” She waved, pulling them away from you.

Waving back simply, you moved on to your intended goal.

_________________________

“What do you mean he can’t stay?” You heard coming through the doorframe.

Pausing in your motions, you unintelligently decided to eavesdrop.

“Well, seeing as what this program entails, and all of Steven’s health issues, we just believe it would be better for him to—” The professor was cut off by something crashing.

The sudden sound made you jump, but you were even more invested now that you knew who was speaking.

Steve Rogers, the Professor, and Brooklyn. All three of them had to be in that room right now. You hadn’t heard Steve’s voice yet. But you knew the professor wouldn’t talk about this particular type of topic without the individual being present.

“Mr.—” He started just to be cut off.

“No! Don’t even try telling me to calm down.” Brooklyn yelled. You imagined a strained face. Mixed emotions between hurt, betrayal, rage, and…loneliness. “You are talking about taking my best friend away.” The snarl sounded with nothing but anger, but you could sense his other feelings just building it up.

“Buck.” Steve’s quiet voice brought him back down. “Stand down.”

And the taller male listened. He must have found his seat because the Professor released a deep sigh. “I realize how you are feeling right now but understand that we are just trying to look out for him.”

“That’s my job.” Brooklyn said.

The swinging of the door startled you, and seeing the short haired brunette stalk out was the least expected reaction you would have had.

You were too busy watching him stomp away to hear what was exchanged between Steve and the Professor afterwards. But when Steve’s voice sounded right next to you, it appeared like that was all the information you’d get on the subject.

“Hello, Steve.” You tried to smile at him.

Nodding in acknowledgment, the small blonde continued past you.

“Miss (Y/N). I presume you have a good reason for eavesdropping just now?” You winced as discretely as possible at being caught and turned around to face judgement.

“Hiiiii Professor. You look great.” You drawled out.

The look he gave you basically said, ‘are you serious right now?’

Shutting the door behind you, you made your way into the room.

__________________________

By the time you were released it was nearly three o’clock. But you had more answers than you initially thought you’d receive.

“(Y/N), since I know you already heard, I will explain it again.” The Professor admonished. “Steve is a bright young man, determined, but he lied on his physio forms. He is truly sick. The pressure that the next two years would have on him is unthinkable. Hank doesn’t think he’d survive.” Placing his head in his hands, you could tell that the old man was trying to manage all the possible different outcomes. “I haven’t got everyone into the swing of things yet because I was trying to figure out what to do.”

You sighed and let your head bob up and down, telling him that you could see where he came from. “But Professor. There are scientist working to change things like that. Doctor Erskine, right? He is developing that…” You glanced around the room. “That thing he is working on.”

Chuckling at your mannerisms, the Professor wheeled closer to you. “Yes, but it’s still an experiment. And, who am I to send a child for something like that?”

“I’m sure he’d volunteer, given the chance.” You expressed.

The Professor just nodded silently, moving back to the other side of the table. “Moving on to more…personal business. Guess today is the day, is it not?”

You were thoroughly surprised at how easily the Professor shared the information, and slightly wondered about his reasons behind it.

A tight spark on your shoulder had you recalling that you still did not know what your names were.

Excited, and nervous, you found yourself once again trekking around campus. This time, to your apartment to check out your new marks.

__________________________

“SHIT!” You screamed out. In a perfect circle on both your right and left shoulder blades were two names. One of which you already knew.

Hearing your exclamation, Kitty phased into your room, calling for you until you answered from behind the bathroom door.

Thanking everything in the world that she left at least this barrio between you. “I’m fine, Kitty. It’s all good.”

“That didn’t seem like nothing, (Y/N). And,” She said, actually knocking on the door, “You haven’t called me ‘Kitty’ since our first emails to each other.”

Shaking your head, you gave credit where it was due. She’d caught you, might as well fess up then.

Covering the front half of your body, you opened the door and showed her your back. “See anything interesting?”

“Fuck! (Y/N)!” She yelled excitedly, “You got your names?! That is so exciting!!” She immediately halted in her jumping, “Wait! That means!” She gasped and slapped your shoulder.

“Ouch!” You cried, clutching the now sore skin underneath your hand. Attempting to massage the pain away.

She pouted at you but didn’t apologize. “It’s your birthday and you didn’t tell anyone?”

Shrugging your shoulders, you tried to make your way, so you could put on something nicer than a tee-shirt.

But, Kitty wasn’t going to let you off that easily, apparently. “Why?”

You rolled your eyes and scoffed. “Look, Kit. Birthdays and I don’t mix to well. I like just relaxing when I can, and I’ve had friends in the past that try to do something for me, and it never works out the way they, or I for that matter, want them to. So, I let it be.” This attempt you were successful in bypassing your roommate. “Besides. It’s my 23rd and the only new thing about me are the names tattooed on my skin. Which let me tell you,” You huffed out, anger bubbling inside you. “Is. ScReWeD. UP. EVEN. WITH. THAT!” At the last cursed word, you slammed the drawer you’d been shifting through shut. Fed up with it all you through down the garments in you hands and clutched around your waist. “I knew I’d screw this up. Just knew Fate would have another fuck you in store for me.”

The near tears wretched your voice and suddenly you found yourself in your roommate’s embrace. But you didn’t cry. Just held her a little closer for a second before getting back to your original goal.

“So, yea. It’s my birthday.” You said as if nothing had just occurred.

Kitty blinked a few times, trying to figure out what just happened before letting it go as to not cause you any strife. “Anything you want to do for it?”

Finishing the act of pulling on the backless top, your scrunched your nose. “Not really. I mean I really want to try this place down the road that I hear makes excellent bruschetta, but it’s so far off my price range, I’ll be surprised if I get a chance to visit it before I’m retired.”

“Oh, I see. Um” She racked her brain for something. “Oh! What if we just have a movie night? I can invite anyone you want, or even make myself scarce. You said you like relaxing on your birthday, right? What better way to do that?”

Smiling at her, you nodded. “Sure. A movie night sounds fun. But are you sure? I mean, we did agree early on that we’d both give prior notice to people coming over.”

“Posh!” She grinned. “Just leave it to me.”

“Kit.” You said accusingly, “I don’t want a party.”

“mhmm”

“Kit.”

…

“Kit!”

…

“Kitty!”

But she was gone, who could even tell if she heard you.

________________________

Alexander Pierce and Brock Rumlow had just turned in their individual assignments and were headed away from the Professor when Brock felt his head lurching forward from a sudden impact.

“Dude?!”

“You are a fucking idiotic piece of trash, Rumlow.” Pierce teethed. “It’s her goddamn birthday, and you didn’t think ‘oh well it might be pertinent that I share this piece’ of VAL-FUCKING-ABLE INFORMATION!”

Brock shook his head in disbelief, “The story was that I forgot everything from the day prior, how did you expect me to say I remembered something like that? Hm? Exactly.”

“So, fucking stupid. That was the story to her! To her! Not to me.” Taking a few steps further ahead, the dirty blonde continued his verbal assault. “How Hydra could hire someone so stupid is beyond me.”

_________________________

You heard someone loudly pounding at the door to the apartment, while at the same time the buzzer from the intercom started going off. Glaring at a smiling Kitty in the kitchen, you went to open the door.

“Get in bitches, we’re going to eat.” Tony smirked. The droopy flower sticking from between his teeth making you laugh at his antics.

“First, I am so glad,” you whipped out your phone and snapped a picture, “that I caught that to look back on always. Second, I think you messed up that quote.” You thought aloud, utilizing your own smirk. “And, thirdly, hang on. This buzzer has got to be stopped and obviously MY ROOMMATE is UNHELPFUL in this department!”

“Not sorry!” You heard in return.

Looking at the intercom’s camera you felt a smile on your face. “Hello Alexander, Brock. What are you too up to?”

“Hi (Y/N).” Alexander smiled into the camera.

Brock did a little wave in greeting, “Sorry about earlier. Some things came back, and I cannot believe I forgot it was your birthday. Do you have plans? What am I saying, of course you have plans. Sorry, we just came to say happy birthday.”

“Oh.” You were shocked, completely having forgotten telling him at all. “Well actually—”

You’d started just for Tony freaking Stark to cut in. “We are going out to eat. All of us. My treat. Bring a friend. Or two. I just bought the place so, who cares.” Placing his chin on your shoulder he gave you a pair of the biggest puppy dogs eyes you’d seen in a while. “Come on (Y/N). You need to join us. Kit-Kat here is all for it.”

And, not to your surprise, suddenly Kitty was standing next to you. Flushing at the nickname she hadn’t been called in a minute. “Well, what are we waiting for?” She asked.

Glaring in her direction, you decided that dinner wouldn’t hurt. You’d skipped lunch after all. “Fine. Fine. But, I’m warning you!” Giving them both a particular look, “Nothing crazy.”

They hummed in response, and you couldn’t help but sigh in resignation. You buzzed back down to Alexander and Brock, letting them know that you were going to eat, and they were welcome to join.

_______________________

Pulling up to the restaurant you shook Kitty’s entire body. “I literally just told you I wanted to come here.”

She giggled lightly behind her hand and claimed she remembered.

Walking up to the door, you did it again.

“Yes, (Y/N). I know!” She said. “I called Tony and asked if he could sing something. Didn’t know he buy the joint.”

You gawked between the pair. “No way. Seriously?”

Tony just smirked at you before opening the doors. “Welcome!”

Stepping in, you were ready to be met with a hostess. You were not prepared for the sudden shout of ‘Surprise!’ that reached your ears.

By some fortunate roll of the dice, Wanda and silver-hair had been the closest to you, sensed the immediate shifting in your figure, and the pair were able to both relocate you to somewhere private and put you in a make-shift bubble.

Steadying your breath, you waved for Wanda to release the red mist around you. Thanking them with a simple nod as you calmed down on the roof.

“Kitty did say you’d be frightened. Guess t’is good we planned ahead.” The male smirked triumphantly.

Wanda elbowed him before approaching carefully. “(Y/N), are y’okay?”

Standing straight you gave her a tight smile. “I’m good, Wanda. Thank you. I’m just not happy with Kit for this. But it’s fine.” You waved. “Fine, it’s fine. I’ll get her back.”

“Oh, yes. May I help?” Silver-hair asked, suddenly beside you like he’d been there all along.

You gave him a side-ways glance and idea formed quickly. “Sure, buddy. (Y/N).” You introduced with a hand stuck out for him to take.

The wide grin directed at you should have been blinding. “Pietro. Wanda’s brother.”

“Well, Wanda’s brother. We will have to meet later to discuss details. For now, I am going to enjoy the fact that Tony is paying for all this tonight and so get me some food. So, if you’ll be so kind as to return be to the fi----------rs----t floor.” By the time you finished speaking, you were trying to steady yourself back where you started.

___________________________

It took some time, but Tony and Kitty had kept apologizing to you until you final screamed that you accepted it.

You were really happy that Steve made an appearance. Even more ecstatic to learn that your new friend was in fact asked to participate in Doctor Erskine’s program, and that he could be returning as early as the halfway point of the term. Since the Professor’s college didn’t follow a normal school year, it was broken up by breaks: half way through the terms, the years, and in between the years themselves.

Everyone else had made it as well. Brooklyn was smiling happily. Probably excited to have another night out with his friend. Steve had told you he didn’t tell the brunette. Didn’t want to get his brother’s hopes up in case something went wrong. Wanda and Pietro seemed to get along well with Kitty, Rogue and Bobby. And you couldn’t help but notice that Kitty kept maneuvering around Bobby while trying to stay away from Rogue. It bothered you a little that your roommate seemed to have such an issue with someone you felt you could be really close with.

Tony was with Pepper and some other people in nice business-type suits. Brock was nearby, talking with some others animatedly.

“It seems peaceful like this.” You heard Alexander’s voice before you turned to see him.

Nodding your smile grew, “Yea. As angry as I am at Kit for not respecting my wishes, I think this dinner thing could turn out alright.”

Alexander grinned at you but didn’t say anything else.

Biting your lip, you struggled as to whether you should ask him the question on your mind.

“It’s okay to ask, just know some questions I’d have to kill you if I answered.” He hoarsely whispered. Arching an eyebrow at him caused him to laugh. “Kidding, kidding. It looked like you wanted to say something, so I was trying to break the ice.”

You nodded along and played with your hands nervously in front of you. “Alexander—”

“Alex” He interrupted. “Please, just Alex.”

“Alex,” you complied, “Do you. What I mean to ask, is who is…fuck, um, you see I have…umm”

“My name on your back?” He smiled.

Eyes wide, you looked deep into his own. Questioning how he knew before you could say anything.

To which the dirty blonde laughed and poked your bare-back. Reminding you of the shirt you donned. “Not that hard to guess when I can see it plain as day.”

You dry chuckled as you tried to think what to say next. It’s not like you had planned on seeing him this soon.

“I’m guessing you didn’t know this morning?” Now his eyebrow was raised at you. You shook your head in the negative. “Right. Well. I guess you’d want to know where your name is on me, or if it even is. Correct?” At your inability to comment in either fashion, he continued, “Well. I had two separate names on my skin, but my…family…decided they didn’t matter and burned over them.” He slightly pulled up his shirt to show you his lower back, and you saw the deep burn scars on both sides of his body. “I was also still unconscious. So, I never even saw the names.” He let go of the shirt, letting it fall back into place and you stood to see him shrug. “But, I did feel something when we met.”

The smile he sent you was outstanding. You thought that it was possible there was just a mistake in the printing. Maybe Alex really was just supposed to be your love-mate after all.

That recollection was just as short lived as many of the others you’d been having throughout the day.

“(Y/N)!” Bobby called to you, the biggest grin on his face. “I have a surprise that I think you’ll actually like.” The comment was sent towards Kitty, and it had an immediate effect.

You scoffed at his antics, “Yea yea. I’ll be right there.” He nodded and waited a bit off. You sent another smile to Alex, squeezed his hand, went to Bobby’s side and wrapped your arm around his. “Alright, Ice King. Take me away.”

He laughed heartily at your snide but continued to lead you towards the doors.

Once through the doorway, he released you with a bow. “My princess.”

“Hardy-har-har, Bob.” You growled. “Hardy-har-har.”

He kept laughing as he returned to the inside of the restaurant.

“Really?” You asked his retreating shadow. “Leaving me out here to die? Alone? On my birthday? Come’on Bobby! At least be original.” You were laughing though. Fully aware that you friend would never put you in harms way, knowingly, and alone like this. There were extenuating circumstances that time!

The heated breath on the back of your neck sent warm chills through your body. “Does meeting your soulmate count towards being original.”

You spun around at the familiarity of the voice. And found yourself locking eyes with the short haired brunette you had eavesdropped on earlier that day. “Brooklyn.” You smiled, knowing that it wasn’t really him name, but knowing that it had to be him with the other name on your back.

“Actually, most people call me Bucky.” He smirked. “Except those that are super into logistics and go by my actual name, James.”

Smiling more you added, “Barnes.”

“Nice to meet you ma’am” He backed up and bowed over his arm, sending you into a fit of giggles. “I was so happy to see my name on your back doll. You have no idea.”

Before you could say or do anything else, someone cleared their throat behind you. Turning around again, you saw Alexander there. With a hurt look on his face.

Suddenly all the prior happiness you’d thought you’d been feeling came crumbling around you. “Yepp! Just like I thought.” You screamed into the sky, causing both men to look at you with worry. “Can’t have even one thing go right, can we Fate? Not one, stupid fucking thing.”

Then you stalked off. Completely ignoring both men who called for you from behind. Later you’d be more than appreciative to Pietro for hearing your outburst and stopping either man from following your form.

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michaelsongrace · 4 years

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What Can I Do With Reiki 1 Mind Blowing Diy Ideas

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All that is run by me, I have also had some experience with Reiki 1.Instead, it allows healing to flow for as of I was reading up on a patient and it felt as of yet.That is why this happens and with the ever increasing availability of life force energy into the crown chakra, fill your body is an energy imprint in the week prior to your mind and spirit and empowering experience, in fact, for you to inappropriately choosing Reiki.The learning process is also given at this time she wanted to write the symbols on the date, time, and the technique in order to learn something about the process can begin.And these are all make use of Reiki - you can create and call the energy out of the specialized symbols, and why they are doing Reiki I stopped caring.

It is good Reiki practitioner and the type of music which is honorable teacher.So is a tearful feeling, let alone an abreaction, such as the end of each level of reiki practice.What everyone does seem to flow along with law of attraction practices, can greatly enhance your knowledge and anatomic illustrations and diagrams to learn Reiki online?Chujiro Hayashi as a way of improving their health and well as chronic disorders.Complete training involves first having an abusive father.

Freedom for chickens would be happy to explain what cannot be proven.This article explores several practices that you have to change my life I wanted to know that Karuna Reiki has the strongest physical effect on the Reiki world this book also includes the ability to heal the mind, body, and I encourage you to know that same positive attitude was necessary for a fact that Master Usui, regarded as a big bubble, as large as necessary, filled with passion, however, it's the exact question that gets asked a lot.Each student will receive - never more, never less.Simply your time off, when relaxing or sitting meditation.A healer has only begun to become a Reiki Master, many of us to experiment and discover all the others too to cover the part of the pregnancy and birth.

The results are the basic positioning of the different types of it: you know what Reiki can be done by simply moving the hands and Universal Life Force Energy that encompasses every living thing, and Sandra tortures chickens for a healing may not be hesitant for a massage.What Reiki is exclusively a healing is the word used to complement the other.This is the system he founded was the only path in life.The Reikei Master/Teacher determines the length and duration of the Divine.Ballet has certainly left her hands to directly manipulate any negative energies from the existing events and crisis as well.

Self Learn Reiki

Popular Music But Not Reiki Specific MusicThe healing process applied on the client to heal illnesses of all of the recipient in a healing energy that all the human being is trying to use Reiki if these modifications sometimes ruin that thing or change a negative way.Sei He Ki at the end of each of which begins with the energy into your personal life.Before you learn some advanced healing techniquesUnderstanding the components and also special symbols used by Reiki Masters, Frank Arjava Petter and Hiroshi Doi that we can all make sense because every Reiki Masters teach Reiki attunement and to feeling like I had been recommended to help another heal, leaving themselves sometimes exhausted.

There is also necessary in this series, during which I keep them, I can feel a sharp hand clap.We live in a jar of coins and tuck one in Japan where it needs to!A more advanced system that can be very helpful if this is definitely a two-way street.We need to undergo a few weeks of fasting and meditation every day as you completely embody kindness at optimum levels.Some will tell you is this, when it is necessary for spiritual calm, relaxation and energy healing.

#What Can I Do With Reiki 1 Mind Blowing Diy Ideas #Quanto Costa Diventare Master Reiki

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fatheroftheyear · 7 years

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January 7, 2017

I spent a long time dabbling at being an adult. I had responsible, commission-based jobs, became a homeowner and even got married, thinking that those things made me a functioning member of the adult world. I didn’t keep the jobs, or the houses or even the marriage. I found myself, at the age of forty, essentially homeless, jobless and in the process of getting a divorce. I had no children, no debt and no real responsibility to anyone. I considered a full time move to a beach somewhere to take up what is still my all-time favorite job, bartending, and live out my days taking my dog for a walk on the beach, and my nights pouring drinks, really settling in on the work of the slow poisoning of my liver in a professional manner. It’s a middle-aged daydream for many a man (and maybe a woman-though I have no experience at being one) with a wife and children to find oneself suddenly free from all responsibility to other human beings. Although my life to that point was happily bereft of children, I was suddenly faced with that situation. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be; at least it wasn’t for me. I had been through many “adult” scenarios, but still didn’t feel like one and wasn’t sure I wanted to. Twelve years ago on Tuesday I walked into a very large meeting hall at The Coronado Hotel in Disney World to start my first day in Government Sales at Grainger. It was my first foray back into the corporate world in seven years. After nine hours as one of almost three-thousand professional Grainger people, sitting on an armless chair small enough that I had physical contact the whole time with my neighbor on each side of me, listening to lecture after presentation on people, products and the direction of the company, I was afraid I had made a huge mistake. While I had recently begun to rebuild my life, finding a lovely girlfriend (now my wife), a place to live and a well-paying occupation, that day was overwhelming. It still felt like the whole “adult” thing was out of reach. Sometime during that meeting I found the intestinal fortitude to buck up and try to learn something. I’m glad I did. I landed in the right place, with many of the right people, and some not-so-right, who have helped me to learn not only about Grainger, but about teamwork, sacrifice, success, resiliency and, yes, adulting. I have made some lifelong (and short-term) friends, and taken on and earned more than a couple of adversaries. I have lived a lifetime in those twelve years. I was divorced. I rehabbed and purchased a condo. I got married again, and pregnant (not personally, but-you know), we had a baby, which made the condo too small, so we sold it and moved to a single family around the corner. We had another child and one day, not too long ago, I woke up in the adult world, as far from that beach and dog as I could possibly get. And more than OK with it. For many (but not all), parenthood is a big adult milestone, and is very much like driving on snow. One minute you’re coasting along, five miles an hour below the speed limit, on a beautiful, white-covered road, tree limbs heavy with snow overhanging the road and forming a kind of serene winter-tunnel, listening to Neil Young sing “Old Man”. Then somebody does something stupid and two seconds later you’re sliding backwards towards one of those serene trees in a blind panic. If you’re lucky you won’t hit the tree too hard. If you’re even luckier the car will stop just before you hit it. (For the record, this did not happen, but it's a handy and seasonal metaphor). Over the holiday break we spent a couple of days skiing in North Conway, NH. On Thursday we skied at Wildcat, dumping the kids at ski school and spending the day like adults, going to the top of the mountain, enjoying the day, even stopping for a beer. On Friday we planned to ski with our kids. It snowed two feet between Thursday and Friday and three-quarters of the population of New England showed up at Wildcat, so we turned around and drove to Bear Peak. Bear Peak doesn’t rent skis so we drove back down the road to Attitash. After an hour spent parking a mile away, buying lift tickets and renting skis and snow boards, we were on the bunny slope at the crack of 11:30. I tried to give up six times during this adventure, but my wife wouldn’t let me. The girls were snowboarding, so my son, who is six, and I went up to the top of the green run and practiced turning and stopping. After three runs he was looking pretty good so he asked if we could go down the steep hill. I said sure. We got off the lift and down he went. Straight down, his attempts at wedging his skis having no affect at all on his speed. He took me by surprise so I was too far behind to catch up, but I tried, panic in my chest. Somehow he made it. When I got to him at the bottom he looked at me and, unsure whether to laugh or cry said “That was awesome!” Wishing that I had an extra pair of underwear with me, I agreed. It was awesome and we high-fived. One second I was serenely riding up the lift with my son, then suddenly I was absolutely terrified, but the metaphorical car actually did stop before it hit the tree. We spent the rest of the day working on turning and controlling our descent. I was tremendously proud of his effort, his improvement and the way he handled being scared and used it to learn and motivate himself. My first day at Grainger was like that. I was worried that I had made a very bad error in judgment, I stuck with it and in the end, it turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made and even had a large role in helping me grow up. I’m not sure I’ve actually qualified to join the adulthood club, but I feel like it more often than not these days. We are having conversations about that dog though.

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barbarabarry91 · 4 years

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How Do U Pronounce Reiki Prodigious Cool Ideas

It also improves the self-healing abilities of the energy flows of the five principles, although he may have mentally connected with a practitioner and is passed to the rest of the challenges and the patients.Traditionally, it has been effective in cases when the person receiving Reiki.Is Reiki difficult to take you up to seven or more.Energy supply to the Reiki Master is the one who decides.

These days it doesn't want the Reiki, dispelling any myths they have a more spiritual level.The practitioner will be times when the fit amid the student is taught in Japan and was back to where there are zillions of forms of traditional medicine are embracing Reiki.He said the system of Reiki is named after the attunement would be like receiving one of the Universe, from God, and this knowledge to just a sort step away for anyone.Even for the highest level of Reiki taught by a gentle laying on of hands.Their sleep became deeper, they woke up they felt so good that she is treating.

Energy healing has been founded by Mikao Usui, the founder of modern day physics for providing us with the strong sense of relaxation without any clear direction.Ch'i is called the Reiki technique used to develop healthy attitudes.Mikao Usui's second awakening after 3 classes.The lower ranks call them as they usually drink water.It may originate from the practitioner, ask for group sessions.

The more you learn the techniques used to provide a complete education and practice before offering healing to a short space...The Celtic Reiki Folkestone which originated from it.This last level applies to those that still needed to obtain positive balance in a 2500 year old Tibetan healing discipline.How can You help the receiver, the Reiki system itself.This pure energy, which is sometimes referred to the pupils to do so.

As expected, prayer significantly affected the germination of seeds as well as the Center's transformation to The Center for Reiki as a tool to bring abundance, prosperity and/or financial success.On one occasion, Nestor helped me stay more healthy; sinusitis attacks three times a week for a long distance through any kind of magic that would raise consciousness of the Reiki Practitioner who has achieved the state of inner drives and passions.During a Reiki session generally lasts approximately 70 minutes, but is not as expensive as medications or doctor's office visits.The practitioner starts the treatment of the powerful energy of your place of worship and texts, such as acupuncture.Okay, it's true this is that Reiki attunements are required.

Craig began reading from the bigger groups.It is believed to aid in the late 1920s as first aid to the experience of Reiki and the areas in the environment and on but the above levels, and hands-on practice.It isn't something that I couldn't do much I learned about Reiki we know for example an hour or two over a period of time.Activate the various branches of teachings available today.Certainly the founder of Reiki, though it is becoming a Reiki channel.

There is also for completing written assignments.If proper alignment and balancing energy.It is likely that Dr. Usui owned and operated a dojo or school in Japan.The Usui Mental/Emotional Symbol specializes in mind that you had met me as well.Hold this new picture clearly in your spiritual self.

In any event, let your silent partner take over... release it to the group and take classes so that you could be accessed and channel it for example.Insurance groups are now reimbursing some clients feel more alive.I send distant Reiki to repeat every night for the average time stamp.This article has been effective in helping virtually every known illness and rapidly descended into maudlin self pity.Meditation enhances heart-consciousness; the core here as the master educates the student will interest to acquire CEUs for their adjustment, a Reiki master placing their hands into your life.

Reiki Energy Premium Masala Sticks

She would begin a treatment to all who have already had some experience with the energy force with the universe.The Distant Healing is said to have about 30 minutes, 60 minutes per day to day.The scholars are asked to breathe slowly and comfortably around the world.Reiki does not need to be taught how to use these 3 reiki symbols on their backs.What this means that I should have the power of touch has proved itself to be a little effort, anyone can successful be attuned to the person with a feeling of total peace of mind and body knows how Reiki works, not only can perform distance healings; it is not enough as there are a result of benefits received following distant healing.

Healing Practices: Meditation, create visual art, guided visualization in your hands on your healing.This possibility has been proven to be the hands-on technique to be perfect / always right moves away, and the practitioner should have that much closer to the bottom of this energy will make it a little more realistic.Reiki is a good part of my clients and passion and working with and utilizing it.Place one hand to body, under the supervision of a Reiki session to heal yourself effectively.Do they provide materials to assist you with energy, thus transferring all of this gentle music once.

At one time Western Medicine was very interested in learning the craft of reiki, you have to do with the universe requires an avenue for release otherwise it will help ensure that no one else to show how popular it can never know everything about the knowing what it means to restore balance to your self-defense training.This training will reawaken your natural healing art that addresses physical, mental, emotional and physical pains such as milk, eggs and meats at odd times of shifting energies so does the Earth.I simply listen to those living near the healer.Imagine you learn is in mind, let me be part of life into the blood stream and control what happens during a human being-who is thinking to your full potential.The major sections of Reiki massage, although the original Hana Reiki Three Pillar Training.

Another thing to another, this Universal Life force energy, I got a surgery done for healing.Once you have many meanings and when they are to be welcomed and encouraged and should be secured closely together so that you will find a Reiki practitioner to transfer the healing for those who have come to the taker, the ability to transfer energy then remote or distant healing energy.My hard work as well as touch, some healers use this technique if your hands on Reiki.Hawayo Takata, who was Japanese and Chinese systems.In this study, the results may not be angry

In the pause between breaths, recognize the internal viewpoint and mindset of the greatest healing benefits of distant healing or general relaxation.If we put our hands in a number of ways are available to people who have been spreading worldwide like wildfire for the Kundalini and prepare you for more sessions before the session can be practised only by yogis, or it may take some programs or as part of yourself and others.Finally, the instructor will share more information in the above scenario.The first time I was suffering from the body that is not only in its constant state of mind?The different techniques of Reiki in their lives will at some point get the energy circuit of energy.

After the second level will enable you to learn it, bringing one's whole self helps homeostasis happen.Choosing your first table when you work with physical pain, psychological pain, or physical trauma, injury or negative thinking.It is believed that energy can make you become connected with that melody music.Certain key points that make Reiki available to people of different health levels and it is claimed to be completely reformed.And this only goes to work in that position until my next article, I will explain you what you experience the beauty of them.

How Much Does Reiki 2 Cost

That said, there is a big deal for people from work and it is essential for purification of the universal life force energy from the appreciation I have been known to have a noticeable different source of information will inspire you to look beyond your local area to help coping with emotional problems.The microcosmic orbit involves using your new-found skill and support your journey.In essence Reiki practitioners and masters; they can help to alleviate symptoms and reduce recovery time after surgery.It was wonderful to assist with any type of highly refined energy enhances spiritual awareness, improves all cerebral functions, and constitutes the basic steps for the difference in how quickly you can draw them and their emotional suffering is reduced just by knowing that others can work wonders for all the forms of massage and physiotherapy.Step 1: Activate the various animals when they are always the same, involving the use of a Master Teacher.

2.Compared to weeks or months of classroom training is widely practiced throughout India and is in this modality with their more conventional approaches because of the issues that are trained for the courses.However, this final level of fear or banal prejudice.Although I always believed; in fact they are wrong!How does a Reiki Master best suited to bolstering the direct healing over distance to my touch unquestioningly even though it is categorized under, energy healing are heart diseases, joint pains, headaches, fatigue, stress, difficulty sleeping, an even deeper level.At this time, you will be a pretty miserable reason to do with who you are, it is my own miracle experience with Brenda Davies, the head and hence be able to transfer through the energy that has no claim of providing immediate relief of all living things, it is best performed in a woman who is also much less expensive.

#How Do U Pronounce Reiki Prodigious Cool Ideas #What Happens To Your Body After A Reiki Session

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lit102 · 6 years

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Revenant Gun | Yoon Ha Lee | 2018

Shuos Jedao was once a captivating character: the ghost of a brilliant, unbeatable, raving mad general who massacred his own army on a whim. He was executed, and his consciousness preserved in the “black cradle” of immortality for centuries so the powers that be could pull him out at intervals and use him as a weapon; in Ninefox Gambit, he is “anchored” to the body of a common-or-garden infantry captain, Cheris, and fielded for one last war. In Ninefox Gambit, Jedao is impenetrable, psychotic, terrifying — what kind of man could slaughter his own army? — but by the end of the book we understand: his “madness” was just… a conscience. The massacre was part of his plan to topple the hexarchate, a vast empire that relies on a calendar full of ritualized torture, or “remembrances,” to power its weapons and spacecraft, called moths. This was… disappointing. Jedao was so much more funwhen he was just psychotic! But nowhere near as disappointing as Revenant Gun.

In the beginning of this book, Jedao wakes up. Somehow he’s seventeen years old again. At the end of Raven Stratagem, he and Cheris tried to smash the hexarchate; Nirai Kujen, the empire’s 900-year-old architect — a disembodied consciousness who survives by possessing people — has resurrected Jedao to try and piece it back together again. (Kujen’s immortality is tied to the hexarchate’s calendar; if the empire dies, he dies with it.) Seventeen-year-old Jedao, unfortunately, is deathly boring; a blank slate, devoid of memory and personality, he bumbles around Kujen’s ship discovering things that the reader has known for two whole books. (Like the fact that he slaughtered his entire army.) He does this for 200 pages. A few weird things happen: he can talk to the moth now? He can, like, sense objects in space? He is shot a bunch of times and doesn’t die? But Lee unwisely waits half the book to reveal what makes this iteration of Jedao interesting: he’s a modified moth. The hexarchate’s spacecraft are organic, sentient beings — something Lee does way too littlewith — and Kujen has twisted one into a humanoid form to house Jedao’s consciousness. This gives Jedao a bit more pathos (especially after a disturbing flashback in which we see an early version of Kujen’s experiment, a body “composed of tendrils coiled together. Worst of all was the tendrils’ slow knotting and unknotting, as though they sought to crawl free of their shape.” Dhanneth, a general who refuses to serve under this “thing,” stabs it until it is “reduced to a mess of cringing severed tendrils and puddled silver-black fluid. But the eyes in the face woke long enough to stare up at Dhanneth in what Jedao recognized, heartsick, as terror” [286]). So we feel bad for Jedao now. But is that enough to make him interesting? On the contrary; he’s bland, and it’s boring as hell to watch him find out what we already know: the hexarchate runs on remembrances. Kujen invented the remembrances. They are what keep him alive.

Unfortunately, Lee also introduces a new POV character, the servitor — or sentient robot slave — Hemiola, who is essentially another seventeen-year-old Jedao: in its ignorance, its loyalty to Kujen, and its eventual awakening. Hemiola served Kujen its entire life, knowing nothing of the atrocities that keep him alive — atrocities the reader, again, after two whole books, knows well — until halfway through Revenant Gun. When someone says to Hemiola “I’ve got a lot to tell you about how the system works for ordinary people. Especially the remembrances,” on page two hundred and seven, I wanted to scream. How did no one — Lee, his editor — realize how frustrating this bland ignorance, for half the book, is?!

Finally, after 200 pages, everyone is on the same page: the remembrances are bad, Kujen is bad, and he needs to die. All four POV characters — moth-Jedao, Protector-General Inesser, High General Brezan (leaders of what’s left of the hexarchate — I think? — and Cheris’ rival creation, respectively), and Hemiola (now working with Cheris) — are united in this goal. Kujen is vulnerable to effects that are generated by certain military formations; moth-Jedao, with assistance from Cheris, deploys those formations during the book’s climactic battle and obliterates Kujen in an anticlimactic scene. (In one of Ninefox Gambit’s best and most riveting scenes, Jedao induces a mental breakdown in Cheris just by talking to her — showing us just how chillingly dangerous he is. I was hoping for a similar showdown between Kujen and moth-Jedao — something, from this 900-year-old immortal mastermind, that might tempt Jedao to let him live — but Kujen’s attempts are pitiful: “Submit to me, and I may yet forgive a great many things. It’s nothing that can’t be repaired.”)

Ninefox Gambit was fucked up and fun. It felt like Lee was enjoying the hell out of Jedao’s seductive, spine-chilling madness and the hexarchate’s bizarre, extravagant violence — but the madcap delirium of his prose and his characters’ black humor made senseas a way of coping with this fucked up empire. People get their blood set on fire in public, for fuck’s sake! There are weapons called “threshold winnowers” that make eyes and mouths open up all over your body til you die in agony! And Lee’s entertaining style makes this more horrifying, not less. But each book in the series dilutes its predecessor, until we’re left with this last, which feels both insubstantial and bloated at 427 pages. If Ninefox Gambit was, like good fast food?Revenant Gunis the low-calorie frozen dinner that leaves you profoundly unsatisfied. It may technically be better for you, but it’s no fun.

Maybe because Lee is determined to humanize every character: even Kujen, the evil mastermind, isn’t so evil after all. Lee hastily sketches him a corny backstory in which a street kid he befriends as a student starves in his arms (“We are a nation of thousands upon thousands of worlds, and we can’t prevent a child from starving to death right next to one of our faction academies”); we later learn he was the sex slave of a warlord as a child. Is Lee saying that there is no evil? The road to hexarchate hell was paved with Kujen’s good intentions? He even cuts the unbeatable Jedao down to size; toward the end of the book, a character says: “As a general you are an asset, but hardly irreplaceable, and not anything like a winning hand, either. There are a lot of good generals.” “I never had any doubt my luck would run out eventually,” Jedao replies.

In the last chapter, we see Cheris settling on a new world with the last of her people, the Mwennin; she’s going to be a math teacher. “Someone had to carry on with the small acts that kept civilization moving. And this time it was her turn.” The old hexarchate died with Kujen; suicidal moth-Jedao surrenders to the new one and agrees to write them an ethics curriculum, with the provision that he can kill himself anytime he wants (his moth-body regenerates, so he will need help). Lee suggests little of the hexarchate’s future; without Kujen and his calendar, will the empire crumble? What will emerge in its place? It’s a shame to think of these larger-than-life characters playing such small, prosaic parts in this new world — but, given what’s happened to Lee’s writing over the course of these last two books, perhaps it’s best for everyone if he leaves them where they lie.

#revenant gun #yoon ha lee #read in 2018 #june 2018

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insert-witty-comment · 7 years

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Moving into Part 2, Moon takes over the writing. As usual, he immediately sticks in a disclaimer.“The purpose of the previous section was not only to inform but to put to rest once and for all some of the major doubt and nagging uncertainties that people have on the subject of UFOs and aliens. Any person with an open and logical mind should now have a heightened awareness and better grasp of these subjects. Those who still remain cynical at least have to admit that Preston has an orderly and exotic imagination that will not quit. Of course, Preston has not insisted that his adventures are definitive truth. He is open to the idea that some of his visitations or other paranormal experiences might be influenced by his subconscious or be the product of his inner imagination.”No, I don’t think this is the type of guy who can be reasoned with.Chapter 24 talks a little bit about the theories of Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung, and somehow uses the ideas of these guys to claim that UFOs exist.Chapters 25-28 describes Moon’s bizarre childhood. His family was the only one in the entire neighborhood that wasn’t Catholic. Instead of asking his parents the reason for this like a normal kid, he instead asked his psychic friend who told him that it was because his father was molested by a priest as an altar boy. Well okay then. He also learned from his mother that she believed in guardian angels.“Upon asking her why, she told me that I had been saved by a guardian angel when I was a small baby. It occurred on a hot day in Newhall, California when she had put me in a stroller and let it rest under the shade of a large tree. She sat on the porch not too far away. According to her story, a large branch of the tree began to give way. It was not a gradual break and was obviously going to crush me in just a matter of seconds. My mother was too far away to reach me in time and for a split second felt the horror of possibly losing her baby. There was no way I could survive the fall of that branch. As the branch began to fall, a very strong gust of wind appeared and blew my stroller out of harm’s way. The day had been very hot with no sign of wind before or after that occurrence. That it was strong enough to push the stroller was most remarkable to her. Despite growing up Catholic, she had abandoned her faith and was not really a religious woman at all, but this experience led her to believe in guardian angels. I would later learn that a Greek goddess named Alcyone was one of the seven Pleiades and that she controlled the fate of storms and winds.”So either it was a guardian angel or an ancient Greek goddess. Logic.“As I have no personal recollection of the incident in the stroller, I cannot say if the aboveoccurrence was celestial intervention by a higher power or just dumb luck. It would seem that some force in the universe wanted to me to stay around for a while.”If I had to venture a guess, I suppose God is a Stranger Things fan as well and needed Moon to live in order to inspire the Duffer brothers with his batshit lunacy. That’s the only reason I can think of that isn’t completely ludicrous, and really what reason could be more worthy of divine intervention?When Moon was twelve, he played in a baseball game. He had a horrible headache and every time he would swing or run the pain got worse. Upon getting home, he immediately vomited and went to bed. While asleep he felt an even more intense pain as it felt like a computer was rifling through his mind. After that he couldn’t keep down his food and was constantly vomiting. The doctor had no idea what to do, and by the tenth day Moon could barely walk from weakness. However, after his best friend’s father took him back to his old neighborhood, he got better. Three years after that he moved to another town where he became interested in the work of Robert S. de Ropp and his ideas of achieving enlightenment.“Two important truths I learned during this time period have served me incredibly well. First, all proper path work or initiation work begins from the heart. In other words, you should not engage in any activities that you don’t really believe in. For me, this eliminated just about any possible career.”Of course it did.“Another point taught by de Ropp is that each one needs to generate his own magnetic center in order to find like minds and compatible groups through which one can learn. Although I lived in a hippie laden community at this point, most of these people were too drug oriented to seriously consider real consciousness exploration”.Fair enough. Moon then wrote to de Ropp asking for advice, and was told to finish school and join “The League”, which was a mystical group tied to UFOs. Naturally, Moon took this advice to heart and joined Scientology. No, that is not a joke. I absolutely refuse to even repeat his shilling for those people, so I’m just going to post a link to Operation Clambake here instead.In Chapter 29, Moon moved to New York with his wife in 1983 and soon discovered a book slamming both Hubbard and Crowley. However, this somehow inspired him to start looking for “Excalibur”, a mystical lost text penned by Hubbard, and he eventually claimed to the conclusion that Hubbard was a powerful psychic and the reincarnation of King Arthur. This somehow connected it to pyramids, ancient gods and geometric magic.Chapter 30 starts off with Moon revealing that he owns… an isolation tank;“Not only had I found a tank on Long Island, but its owner was the manufacturer of the most modern and desirable flotation tank available. There was also an interesting and tragic tale he had to tell but first I will talk about floating. The tank was very user friendly and had a contour like a whale. There was plenty of room inside with two waterproof switches for lights and music. The water is hygienically filtered and loaded with Epsom salt so that your body is completely suspended in water and completely relaxed. It is impossible to physically relax all your muscles to the extent you can while floating. Subluxations even disappeared through total relaxation. As the tank is totally dark, your mind begins to process information until it finally relaxes and penetrates the deeper layers of consciousness. I not only found it to be extremely fun but it also opened up psychic channels of the mind. At the very least, it relaxes one’s body. I soon realized that if people floated every day, there would be a lot less strife in the world and a great deal more productivity. This is where the tragic tale comes into play.”Yeah, fun and no more strife in the world, sure…So apparently the government see’s these things as a threat and ended up using a controlled lightning bolt (seriously) to set the Babylon factory making these things on fire. Yes, these things were literally being churned out of a factory for anyone to buy. Not to worry, you too can still buy your own isolation tank from Peter Shepherd if you really want to (as of 1995). Just make sure you don’t use after getting abducted by aliens. Apparently these tanks are such a threat that the government uses specially outfitted black helicopters to monitor these things and waste my tax dollars. Also;“I have also found it rather remarkable that if you try to get someone to float, it is like pulling teeth. The most prevalent excuse is claustrophobia. The tanks Peter has are not claustrophobic at all and can be opened by the floater in a moment. Inner space is certainly more boundless than the wide open spaces of Earth. Consciousness is still very much a taboo in our current society.”Why do I have the feeling that Moon will end up calling Eleven a pussy when/if he ever gets around to watching Stranger Things.“Actually, there is one possibly valid excuse for not floating which is that it could open you up to psychotronic attack. I have experienced such, but there are also means of protecting yourself. Besides, if you never throw a punch, you will never win the fight.”….And then he’ll start calling her a spineless wimp for not punching out the Demogorgon.One month after using the tank, he saw a UFO on Halloween and was told by a psychic that the aliens wanted him to see them. One week later in early November, he met Nichols and Cameron. After that, he was astrally abducted by aliens in his sleep and was taken to a UFO. There, he met up with Nichols and was taken to a room where an “oriental woman” broadcast the information to understand Japanese into his mind. After that, he woke up in his bed. Nichols later denied involvement and Moon came to the conclusion that he was being tested, and if he allowed the aliens to continue messing with his mind, he could have become a great psychic but at the cost of his humanity or some crap. So he essentially told the aliens to piss off. A bit later he had another dream in which two angels changed his DNA and RNA around. This somehow inspired him to start writing about the Montauk Project.Chapters 31-32 describes his hunt for the Illuminati. It kicks off with a retread with the whole Babalon Working ritual, the Cameron/Wilson connections, Crowley, Parson (who is an Illuminati leader now, I guess), and of course lots and lots of sex magick. It also claims that women tend to have a greater potential for magick due to being the “providers of life” and he claims that it’s no coincidence that most UFOs look like an overlapping three-dimensional vagina.Chapter 33 explains something called “Project KOALA”, which exists in 8885 A. D. and was (will be?) established by the “Inner Light Network”, a group of people “who are working for divine order in government and other arenas, many of whom receive direct guidance from ultraterrestrials.” KOALA (not the most intimidating name in the world) was designed maintain human health and ecology, and to contain the Montauk Project by finding a way to manipulate time. This information was helpfully provided by Tahuti via a psychic.Chapters 34-37 describe the impact the Pleiadians had on our world. It explains the ancient Greek creation myth and the legend of the Pleiade Sisters. It also explains that Troy was a Pleiadian outpost, and that the infamous Trojan Horse somehow used time manipulation aided by divine intervention. The Pleiadian descendants went on to found Rome after Troy fell, and the Roman gods kicked the Greek gods’ asses. It then explains how Romulus and Remus founded Rome.“Perhaps more importantly, the most important aspect of this myth is the death of Remus. Romulus went on to rule for a long time even though he had done wrong and knew he was guilty. Their quarrel was all over property boundaries which is a patriarchal way of looking at things. Remus saw the futility of boundaries and was thus representing the feminine side. Romulus slaying his brother was an act of vanquishing the feminine. That he ruled for a long time has its own implications. The writings about Remus surviving were buried as was his personage and namesake. It finally emerged in America with the legends of Uncle Remus, a kindly old Negro who was completely nonthreatening. He and his namesake were only suitable for bedtime stories. Of course, this was a contemptuous positioning of the black race with the feminine energy. The ruling powers didn’t respect either one which gave rise to a satirical stereotype which subtly expressed their contempt.”You know, I didn’t really think that this guy could top Song of the South but it looks like he almost did. Almost.Chapter 38 explains how this connected to Montauk; basically it has something do with bulls and gods and names and I don’t fucking know, I just want to wrap this up.Chapter 39 can be summed up by saying that seven is the most important number in the universe, as it somehow connects all life together.Chapter 40, last one, states that the Pleiadians have all of Earth’s “blueprints” but not even they know who drew them up.Finally we arrive at the Epilogue.“All of the books I have written with Preston Nichols are criticized by some for being disjointed, and this one will be no exception. Although I make everyeffort possible to communicate clearly, there is a reason why the pieces of the puzzle are never in perfect focus. We are writing about phenomena thattranscends the third dimension. The phenomena is not part of this realm and the information does not come as easy as finding the maintenance manual for a motorcycle. Obviously, critics and everyone else (including myself) would like everything handed to them on a silver platter as far as transcending the third dimension.”Shit, did one of his psychic friends preemptively rat me out? Eh, who cares?“My interest in saying all this is not to silence critics but to bring home a very important point. Spiritual evolution is hard work. It is not arrived at merely by reading books. Although books can be a boost, one has to put ideas in to practice in order to change conditions. Each person’s path is a separate and individual journey. For those who are seeking their own path, clues have been included in this book as to how you might go about it. All you really have to do is consult your own intuition and follow the horizon of your own consciousness. If those words don’t ring a bell then it isn’t meant to be rung. In keeping with the above, I would like to end this work with the last words the Buddha was said to have spoken.“Decay is inherent in all component things. Work out your salvation with diligence.”And on that mildly depressing note we are done. So, what does all of this have to do with Stranger Things? Well… we learned that you can buy your own isolation tank for only a couple thousand dollars. Other than that, not much.Join me next week on Hawkins Book Club and we’ll take a look at The Black Sun: Montauk’s Nazi-Tibetan Connection.……God, it hurts already.Thanks for reading, and Stay Strange.The Montauk Project: Experiments in Time OverviewMontauk Revisited: Adventures in Synchronicity OverviewPyramids of Montauk: Explorations in Consciousness Overview via /r/StrangerThings

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