#honestly him and my mom are both fucking master emotional manipulators

[muteflames]

my mom kicked my little sister out 😶

#. #the cycle fucking continues. i think it’s only temporary but still… she’s only 13 #she’s gonna be w her dad (my abusive stepfather) but i don’t think he’ll be too bad bc emotional abuse and manipulation is his thing w the #kids that are actually his (w his step kids it’s that + physical abuse) #honestly him and my mom are both fucking master emotional manipulators #truly a match made in fucking hell lol #but anyways #my mom #kicks all of her kids out (or starts threatening too) at like 11… she kicked my other younger sister out when she was 12 and sent her to #live in texas w my grandpa (abusive) and his wife (also abusive) and his wife ended up choking my little sister and then my sister tried to #ride a bike back from texas to our house which is two (three? idk i don’t feel like looking at a map) states away #the first time she kicked me out i was 15 and the second time was a month before i turned 18 #and she left my sister in downtown one time and told her to find her way to my dads who lives in east los and she didn’t even give her any #money for a bus… she went back for her but only bc i was in the car and begged her too for like 15 minutes… and my #sister also didn’t have a phone so she could’nt call anyone to get her

[genoc1d3r]

my turn to cry - thoughts on 3-1b

ok this has actually gotta be my favorite chapter cause holy shit so much stuff happened.

I played the Alice/kanna route and afterwards I watched a vod with the reko/shin route in which ranmaru and naomichi died before the banquet, so BIG SPOILER WARNING FOR BOTH ROUTES

Mafia Princess Sara??: Ok so first off, back in the beginning of 2020, I had a theory that Sara was a mafia heiress and that the death game was supposed to be something to “prepare” her. And that her memories were wiped or she was initially supposed to be kept blind to this whole thing (In 3-1a when everybody saw the consent form for the very first time everybody felt a sense of deja vu, except for Sara. Because why would they need her consent when she is the sole focus of the game and it’s all for her) This theory was mainly supplied by my confusion surrounding the hiring of Kai, cause why would mr Chidouin hire a former assassin to protect her?? How did he even know Kai??? But yeah, the whole thing with Shinobu Gokujo and deciding a new don through a death game just adds a lil more validity to this theory.

Sara’s real father: I also had a mini theory that Gashu Satou was her real father, but that was mostly cause of their hair color and how it would def make Sara’s hair color make more sense genetics-wise (but kai has black hair, so its most likely that his mother had black hair, which would also disprove this mini-theory but yk im not here to prove it just talk about it). And that Gashu knew of Mr. Chidouin and gave Sara to him, and it would also explain why mr Chidouin chose Kai of all people to look after her and why Kai could only watch her from a distance, in case she realized the truth that he was her brother/half-brother or something. 

GREENBLINGS CANON AAAAAAAA: I love this, I love this so much oh my god. Now I can replay and cry after 2-2 cause nankidai hates us :’). I dont have an issue with this specifically, I’m just a bit bothered by how the whole thing went. There was some buildup yea, and the cg with kanna, kugie, and shin was amazing. And that lil bit about nice hallucinations made me tear up a bit. But, then everybody kinda just moved on? and idk this whole chapter was a fuckign roller coaster I could barely keep up.

Autistic Gin <3: I’m autistic myself and I have seen many characters who are autistic-coded or exhibit many signs of autism but have never been straight up confirmed (Ex: Vera Misham from Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney). And even then, these characters usually share similar personality traits like being aloof and reserved. So it’s nice to see that Gin is representing autism in a relatively realistic manner with his hyperfixations, vocal tics, and issues with socializing. Even after nearly dying like 17 times he’s still doing well and I genuinely wish for his survival and happiness.

Ranmaru’s death: Both of Ranmaru’s deaths, (if you or if you don’t fail the electricity absorption minigame) the death feels so... off? I was really attached to him as a character, yet his death didn’t impact as much as Joe’s or Nao’s did. During his Banquet death, one second he had his really cute smiling sprite but then whoops oh no guys weird drill screw thing kills him (again). I still can barely comprehend it because it all just happened so fast. Like no cg or anything. I was honestly kinda disappointed. The “delayed” one does a better job at his death scene, but again, it was wayyy too quick and completely dismissed as everybody just moves on to defeat Maple 2.0. I at least would’ve appreciated a better transition than Midori just saying “well anyways–”

 Ranmaru’s extremely quick descent into madness in the shin route: I actually liked this idea of Ranmaru willing to go to such extremes for Sara. However, theres barely time for any of this to develop? Like again, everything just happens so fast??? I would've definitely liked if there were little hints around before the body discovery that ranmaru was gonna do something like this, just a little time for development would really be cool.

Mr. Policeman/Mr. Tazuna???: After I finished, I actually looked on the wiki to see if it said anything about his son that he mentioned and I found this: 

But yeah thats cool

The thing about Q-taro: I’m gonna say it now, I’ve liked Q-taro ever since the aftermath of 1-2, and Q-taro haters have added absolutely nothing to this fandom. Everybody saw him as a child-hater, I see him as a guy who’ll do anything to survive and succeed. I mean that wish is kinda what got him into the death game. And yeah he did try to leave that one time, but that’s what getting thrown into traumatic killing games does for you, most people don’t want to die, they want to live, no matter what it takes. We can’t all be the main character and choose to cooperate with everybody and be the “good” person in that situation. Even Sara has those extremely selfish moments and those intrusive thoughts of winning and leaving. 

This whole thing should also be applied to Ranmaru. Ranmaru has gone through so much shit in such a brief amount of time, to the point where he was considering to/actually kill people to escape with the one person he trusted in this hellhole. In that situation, Sara’s kinda at fault here, cause without Joe she’s lost her sense of morality which resulted in her becoming selfish and well... honestly kinda toxic. This emotional manipulation is really what set Ranmaru off, however it was 100% his decision to fucking kill somebody and murder’s bad. Still love him though.

But back to Qtaro, I really enjoyed the extra substance given to him in this chapter, it’s nice to see the development from being selfish to feeling deep remorse to protecting the dolls of the first trial victims, most notably Mai. As he completely forgives her for stabbing him. The chapter did a great job at fueling my already intense love for Q-taro (and it actually convinced my best friend who claims to hate Q-taro with every bone of her body to like him too!) I also love the father-son dynamic between him and Gin. I find this relationship to be really important cause Gin’s father is an abusive alcoholic and Q-taro’s an orphan who’s never had a proper role-model in his life. So it’s beautiful that despite not having anybody there for him when he was younger he can still be a good figure for another child.

Predictions/hopes for the next part: 

I just want to see whether Shin already knew about Kanna being his sister, and if he doesn’t I want a reveal. Right. Now.

A Ranmaru/Joe/Q-taro/Kai/ “Hinako” revival, p l e a se  they died so soon

More info about the people involved in the Hades Incident/Shinobu Gokujo

More info regarding Meister

Sara going on Maury

Who tf is “Hinako”????

I really hope that there isn't any specific good/bad ending. Like I want every ending to be equally bad and good yk? like equal consequences and good stuff.

Yo wtf happened to Sara’s mom?? Is she gonna come back and play a more important role in the story?? Are her parents gonna come back as floor masters???

I want things to actually change  depending on whether you picked Alice or reko, cause so far they’ve played extremely minor roles.

#3 1b spoilers #yttd #yttd spoilers #q taro burgerberg #sara chidouin #ranmaru kageyama #joe tazuna #gin ibushi #kai satou #keiji shinogi #alice yabusame #reko yabusame #shin tsukimi #midori yttd #kanna kizuchi #greenblings #sou hiyori #mai tsurugi

[grimbeak]

How Pirate Jay Au Jay deal with the rest of the seasons 

DotD: 

*I haven’t watched this ep in 4+ years so Im just gonna focus on the bruise at the end

*Very happy that his bf is no longer a ghost! Now he can give surprise hugs without faceplanting on the floor! (Kai comments that they’re ‘going to be even worse now’)

*Oh yeah and he’s happy to see Morro bc that happens ig 

S7:

*Spends most of it having literally no idea what’s going on

*Acronix tries to manipulate him ab his mom and Jay’s like ‘bitch stfu’ so it doesn’t rly work out

*He honestly doesn’t care ab the fact that Wu’s dying all that much bc he’s only known him for a few months (and he’s still a bit upset about the whole ‘banishing my mom instead of trying to talk to her’ thing)

*He doesn’t have Ed n Edna to worry ab so he just fucks around a bit before going ‘fuck it’ and grabbing the timeblade before anyone else can get to it

*he didn’t have a vehicle he just ran

*pirate coat flowing in the wind 

*Anyway Kai eventually rants to him ab his parents being supposedly evil and jay’s like ‘oh no,,,, how awful that must be for you,,, can’t relate,,,, at all,,,’ which earns him a smack on the head

*Ray and Maya see this new lightning master and are like ‘um is no one else concerned about this’ 

S8:

*Jay searched for Wu for a year (despite not givin a fuck lmao) purely to spend a year with his boyf. That was the only reason. 

*He is freak tF out by Lloyd’s voice change:

‘WHAT’S WRONG WITH HIM’ 

‘he’s fine it’s just puberty- you literally went through this jay’

‘NORMAL HUMAN FUNCTIONS DON’T WORK PROPERLY IN THE CURSED REALM MY VOICE NEVER CHANGED BITCH’

‘is that why you’re still so short’

‘FUCK OFF I NEED TO EAT MORE APPARENLY’

*Harumi is just unimpressed with him her description of him is smthn like ‘the pirate ninja who has no self control’ 

*He instantly knows she’s the traitor but no one really listens to him

*He laughs at them when they figure out he was right

*Jay gets a very quick rundown of what happened with Garmadon and is no longer laughing 

*uhhh canon events happen ig

S9:

*Yeah pretty much canon events as well except for the fact that Jay is freaKING OUT about the fact that there are DRAGONS

‘jay we can make magical dragons’

‘YEAH BUT THEY’RE MADE OF ENERGY AND OUR OWN EMOTIONS THESE ONES ARE NOT’ 

*He still loses it for a bit but instead of him just giving up completely it’s more like he’s drunk

S10:

*No proposin yet because they’re literal children and also shits goin DOWN

*goin down like cole

*sorry

*They have to physically restrain Jay from jumping down after Cole when he falls

*when kai re-makes the golden weapons jay’s kinda like ‘ohhh so that’s what the nunchucks looked like b4 you guys melted them cool cool’ 

*Cole’s back!! Jay’s happy!! Everyone wins!! 

*no one wins bcuz Lloyd’s dead. When he comes back Jay offers him an invite to the club of ‘we died but not anymore’. Zane and Jay were previously the only members. 

S11:

*uhhh what happens in this season again 

*nothing important so lets move on

S12:

(Pre-season 12, Jay gets an odd feeling, and finds Clutch Powers just about to open the teapot of tyrahn. He smacks him and goes ‘no’ before kicking it into the ocean. Ninjago city is safe once more.) 

*Nothing really changes except for the fact that he actually calls the cult that he made a cult and they only cause anarchy 

*Cole just points to where the crowds are running from and is like ‘jay’s over there’ 

*Also Jay has literally no idea what’s going on in this video game world bcuz like everything is just weird and he hasn’t really had time for games with all the heroing going on 

*Bruise happens n they dance

*Jay is horrible at dancing but they do it anyway

*Canon stuff (except Nya dies in the car with Kai for bruise reasons)

*Cole sacrificing himself at the end fuckin hurts bcuz last time Jay died in Cole’s arms,,, now it’s the opposite (sorta lmao) 

*At the confrontation with Unagami, Jay’s just like “look dude the people who were supposed to protect me threw my mom who was pregnant with me into the cursed realm without even giving me a chance to live, so let’s just both agree that our families suck and move on” and Unagami’s like “Sure that makes sense” 

*They bond over having no idea what anything is at any time

S13: 

*Jay is so proud of his boyfriend getting a season

*Jay please stop breaking the fourth wall I’m trying to write

*Vania tries to flirt with Cole, Jay responds by fuckin making out with him in front of everyone

*y e a h

*the queen tries to marry him and jay’s like ‘uh i have a bf’ and she’s like ‘not anymore’ and nya’s like ‘im his lesbian sister let me fight you for him’ and the queen’s like ‘do you wanna get married instead’ and nya’s like ‘uh no i have a gf too’ and the queen is like ‘well i can’t marry the green one he’s a minor’ and lloyd’s just so confused 

*Cole does his Thing with his new 3 poly uncles 

*Uh stuff happens

*

*

*Bruise

*No one’s really sure who the queen ended up marrying but they’re never going back there just in case

The Island:

*Jay likes his flower crown. He wears on the brim of his pirate hat.

#Ns7 #Ns8 #Ns9 #Ns10 #Ns11 #Ns12 #Ns13 #Ns14 #The Island #Ninjago Spoilers #Ninjago Jay #Pirate Jay AU #Ninjago Kai #Ninjago Cole #Ninjago Lloyd #Ninjago Zane #Ninjago Nya #Ninjago Wu #Bruiseshipping #Day of the Departed

[seijuroww]

TW // ABUSE mention & allusions to mental illness (plus Illumi angst)

also I hope it all makes sense it’s like 1 am and I’m sleepy but I had to write this down as it came to my head

Okay so again I HATE the zoldyck parents with a PASSION

But I have a deeper take on Kikyo than Silva. I think she was forced into it all, and becoming a Zoldyck has driven her to madness.

Like she comes from Metor City and we all know people there tend to be messed up (*stares at phantom troupe*) she was probably so lonely there and attacked constantly so had to develop the skill to kill in order to survive and I bet Silva capitalized off that thinking “ah here is a woman with skill that I can control and force to reproduce so the Zoldyck business can grow” and she instantly hopped on with him so she can have a way out. Like she was literally offered the chance to leave garage for a mansion in the woods with all the riches of course she took it also too I bet she “loved” Silva (love in quotations as it was probably the first guy to ever show her kindness even if it manipulation so she convinced herself she loved him). Oh and she was probably so excited to be a mother and have all these kids!!! Yet now part of the deal was to train them and build a perfect business Silva and Zeno probably threatened her and manipulated her into thinking she was a bad mother if she failed making them the best assassins. So now that excitement turned to haterd. She hates her kids. Not because she didn’t want them, but because she had to have them like this. She only got to have them in order for them to become “employees” and she never get to actually be a mother. (More about how this affects Illumi in the end too). Oh it pains her heart, and instead of facing those feelings so places it into her abuse.

Also something to consider is that killua is the heir and the best one of the children and is noted to look more like Silva while Illumi -and others but I’m focusing on Illumi bc his parents hate him- is said to look like her and is constantly used as a pawn. Illumi is arguably the most similar to Kikyo (obsession with killua, the hair, the built, under control of Silva, etc) and is tossed around like garage by his parents. NOW this is likely a mirror of Silva to Kikyo. She just follows his orders and does as he says despite the pain and thinks it’s what she must do bc she is a “good wife” and is supposed to make him happy but he literally doesn’t give a shit about her this is ALL part of the larger plan of keeping the Zoldyck business alive. Like if she never gave birth to Killua, Silva would most likely (either by his choice or by Zeno’s orders) have killed Kikyo or kept making her give birth until a killua was born. She never was loved, despite thinking it (just like Illumi omfg). Not even her own kids truly love her. And (again just like Illumi) all she wants is Killua’s love. Killua being born is what saved her life, gave her purpose, gave her respect, let her earn the Zoldyck name. She needs him to be the best assassin or else she has failed. She signed her life away to the Zoldycks. And she definitely struggles with multiplie mental illness like ones affecting her view of herself and of her world and she experiences manic episodes and has ptsd. Silva is master at manipulation and like he fucking earned the right to be the head of Zoldycks, you know he’s only ever thinking business. In his eyes, he owns Kikyo. She has no reason to go against him, he gave her life. He took her from the dump to the wife of the most rich, famous assassin family. But she has a price to pay. That price being keeping the family alive aka giving birth to killua. That’s why she loves when he is so cruel, when he shows his “true assassin nature.” Killua is her favorite because without him she wouldn’t be worthy to be a Zoldyck. She cares about keeping him alive and as an assassin because it’s what will keep her alive and keep her standing in this family. She had completed her assignment. And yes she gave birth after killua but it didn’t have the same weight as those born before killua. Why do you think Kalluto is always around her while she literally couldn’t give two fucks about Miliuki or Illumi (Alluka is not included in all this for obvious reasons)? She is allowed to be more motherly to Kalluto than to the others because she isn’t needed for much anymore (this isn’t to say Kalluto doesn’t still experience the physical abuse of training, but I imagine it’s on a lesser scale than Illumi and Killua’s was).

Okay now time to get into sad Illumi part of all this bc I think too how Kikyo is viewed by Silva affects how both him and Kikyo treat Illumi. And I really believe she takes her pain and suffering out on Illumi. Like he’s the first born she probably abused the hell out of him just out of anger and pure realization that this is her life. She hates it here. And she hates seeing Illumi who is literally just a mirror of her. She sees him and sees where she failed and wished she could just redo him. She’s torn between wanting to kill him or wanting to hold him and tell him his mom is going to protect him. She has been so manipulated by Silva that like she’s turned into this emotional reck like she doesn’t know what she wants anymore and it pains her. As someone from Metor City, she is always focused on her own survival (because like that’s what you have to do there) so it doesn’t what it takes, she will stay a Zoldyck. Even if that means pushing Illumi to a breaking point, allowing Killua to rip her to shreds, let Silva walk all over her, etc. Outside of that mountain, she has nothing else. And honestly inside that mountain she has nothing but a title she wants to protect.

#feel free to add on or message me to discuss #hxh #hunterxhunter #tw abuse #tw // abuse #anime #Kikyo #illumi zoldyck #zoldyck family #Zoldyck #Killua #Silva

[imaginingsoftly]

Wedding Date Pt. 5 - Tyler Seguin

Type: strangers-enemies-lovers, series

Requested: no

Warnings: swearing, mentions of emotional manipulation and shitty exes

A/N: Sorry about forgetting to post last week! Here’s part 5, and there should be two more parts after this one.

Tyler was already at the Benn house when Melissa arrived the next afternoon. Jordie had promised he would be, and it appeared the middle Benn kept his promises. Tyler was actually the one who met Melissa at the door, and his jaw clenching gave away that he was still mad. For just a second, she wondered if he would shut the front door in his face. The baby on his hip seemed like the only reason that he didn’t. Billie reached out for Melissa as soon as Tyler opened the door, and just like that she was in. Melissa made a note to get Billie a book or something as a thank you, even if the kid wouldn’t understand what it was for. 

He stepped back as soon as Melissa crossed the threshold and began walking away. Melissa followed him down the hallway towards the kitchen much like she’d followed Jordie the day before. “So am I never going to be able to visit Jordie without you being here now?” Melissa glared at Tyler as he walked in front of her, though it was mostly as she tried not to look at his ass. It was hard, especially considering how tight his board shorts were. 

Jordie frowned at Tyler as the two of them and Billie appeared in the kitchen. He’d more than likely heard what Tyler said to her. “Hey, Lissa,” Jordie said, “how’s it going?” His face changed when he looked at her, and the brotherly smile he flashed at her was incredibly reassuring. 

The baby sitting on Melissa’s hip started babbling and clutching at her hair before she could respond. Clearly, she hadn’t been paying Billie enough attention. “Yeah, babe, I see you. You wanna tell me all about your day?” Billie continued to babble at her animatedly, and Melissa tried to ignore Tyler’s quiet huff as he stalked out of the kitchen and into the backyard. She stared after him as he began to help Jessie set up some lights around the deck. He hip-checked her out of the way, and Melissa’s heart tugged at the laughter that filtered in through the open door. 

“You’re really good with her.” Melissa turned her attention to Jordie. He leaned back against the counter and jerked his chin at Billie. “You look like you’ve done this before.”

Melissa smiled and squeezed Billie gently. “My younger sister has two. She married her high school sweetheart right out of college, and they had their first kid right after she turned 23.” She bounced Billie until she started to belly laugh. “I’m the cool aunt.” Jordie laughed, and Melissa chuckled along with him. Sarah’s boys were the toughest part of moving out of the DC area. She had been the go-to babysitter from the time the oldest was born, and now she’d be lucky to see them a few times a year. 

She looked out at the deck again, and Jordie gestured for her to make her way outside. Jessie gave Melissa a hug when she saw her, and Billie started reaching for her mom. Tyler looked like he was doing his best impression of a statue until Jordie punched him on the shoulder and ordered him into the yard to haul chairs in front of the firepit. 

It seemed like Jordie and Jessie were doing their best to keep Melissa and Tyler separate during the entirety of setup, though they were making Melissa do things that involved her being in front of Tyler. If she had to wager a guess, Melissa would say they were trying to get him used to having her in his presence before they talked. 

The party was well underway by the time Melissa finally caught Tyler alone. He was inside making himself a mixed drink when she went for another beer. Much like he had done all night when she tried to get him alone, Tyler immediately made a beeline for the back door. 

“Tyler.” He kept walking, and Melissa hurried after him. “Tyler please just listen for a second.” He stopped, mercifully, and she hurried to catch up to him. “I’m sorry for almost all of the things you mentioned yesterday.” His body was stiff, shoulders tight and angry as she stepped around to look in his face. “I’m not sorry that I hooked up with you though. It’s the stuff afterwards that was the issue. I didn’t plan on sleeping with you, just sex, and when I woke up and felt comfortable I panicked.” It had taken Melissa until she saw Tyler again to realize it, too. She could easily imagine waking up next to him all the time, and it felt wrong to be that comfortable with someone she’d just met. Especially someone she imagined didn’t do relationships. 

It felt like progress when she grabbed his hand and he didn’t pull it away. “I really really like you, Tyler, and it scared the shit out of me. I’ve never been the type of person to make friends easily, and I’ve sure as hell never been the type of person to fall for someone I’d just met, and both of those things happened with you.” Melissa squeezed Tyler’s fingers in an attempt to really make him understand. Brown eyes met hers, and they weren’t as angry anymore. He still looked hurt, but he wasn’t really angry. 

Someone shouted for Tyler, and he jerked his hands back. “I’ll talk to you later.” His shoulders lowered slightly as he walked away, though his steps were still short. Melissa bit her lip. She had no right to expect him to forgive her easily. Ghosting him had been pretty shitty, and appearing in his friend’s backyard had been even shittier. 

In an effort to save her heart from another rejection from Tyler, Melissa found Jessie and did her best to pretend he didn’t exist. Jessie seemed more than happy to be a distraction, shoving cookie dough and a scoop into her hands and instructing her to fill the cookie sheets. Jessie stood on the other side of the kitchen island scooping out of her own giant batch of cookie dough, and Billie stared at them from her seat in her high chair. Melissa made faces at the baby every few minutes, and at one point threw some cookie dough in Jessie’s direction. Billie screeched in excitement, and the pair of women laughed as they continued to do everything they could to make Billie laugh. 

Later, Melissa was sitting by herself near the fire when a large body dropped into the chair beside her. “Why did you ghost me?” Tyler stared out into the fire when he spoke, and he wouldn’t meet Melissa’s eyes when she turned her head in his direction. “I thought we at least had enough of a connection to be friends.” 

Rather than anger, Tyler looked hurt. She hadn’t even considered that he would be upset about losing a potential friend. Honestly, she’d assumed it was embarrassment over being rejected that was bugging him more than anything else. “I panicked.” Tyler scoffed, and she placed a hand on his thigh so he didn’t try to get up. “Kirsten convinced me that a hookup would be good for me, and I agreed. I thought we could hookup, maybe more than once, and be friends.” Melissa squeezed Tyler’s leg to get his attention, waiting until he looked into her eyes before he continued. “I woke up the morning after the wedding and realized that I liked you way too much for this to be a casual hookup. My last relationship ended really badly, kinda messed me up, and I told you about that, which is crazy. Nobody except Kirsten knew that whole story.”

Tyler was melting, she could see it in his eyes. Somehow, Melissa was lucky enough that he understood. He leaned into Melissa’s space as he spoke again. “We didn’t have to be a hookup. Maybe I would have been interested in a relationship, especially if I knew you were here in Dallas.” 

He met Melissa’s eyes with a fiery intensity. She found herself getting lost in them again, just like she had the morning after the wedding. “I don’t know if I can handle another relationship right now. Liam messed with my head pretty badly, stuff I didn’t realize he was doing until we were over.” She looked down at her lap because meeting Tyler’s eyes was out of the question. It was hard for her to admit, but it was the truth. Liam was a master emotional manipulator, good enough that she didn’t realize he was doing it. Looking at language in emotional manipulation was one of her damn areas of research, for fucks sake, and she still hadn’t figured it out until after.

The fire crackled a few feet away. A large hand snaked into Melissa’s lap to cover her hands, and another hand pushed her hair out of her face and gently tilted her head up. Tyler’s eyes, so incredibly expressive, had changed yet again. There was none of the sympathy she’d expected. Just sheer determination that took her breath away. “Let me try.” Melissa opened her mouth to speak, but Tyler shook his head. “Let me chase you. I’ll gain your trust. Be my date to events. Let me show you how incredible you are, and when you feel comfortable moving us forward you tell me. Okay?” Tyler gently rubbed his thumb along her cheekbone, and Melissa sank into the touch. This was what she missed about being in a relationship. She craved physical intimacy.

“Okay.” Melissa whispered the words, and could hardly believe they were coming out of her mouth.

“Okay?” She nodded at Tyler’s repetition, and he grinned cheekily at her. “We’ll start Saturday. There’s a donor event before the draft, and I need a date. We had a bit of fun the last time we went to an event together, yeah?” Tyler winked, and Melissa couldn’t help but laugh. 

Tyler’s face turned serious again as he searched her face. “Are you sure about this? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, baby, and I damn sure don’t want you to run away again.” Melissa’s heart tugged. She would never stop feeling bad for that, no matter the reason why she’d done it. 

She nodded. Tyler kissed her forehead gently, and she leaned into his touch. “I’m gonna make this worth your while, I promise.” Despite herself and lingering reservations, Melissa believed him.

#nhl imagine #nhl imagines #wedding date ml #tyler seguin imagine

[miracul0us-multishipper]

Welcome to the back (Part 5)

First Chapter  Previous Chapter  Next Chapter

Thank you so much for all your sweet feedback!

This chapter deals a little more with Lila’s manipulations and their first effects, and both Chat Noir And Felix make a move. With varying degrees of success.

Also, Felix would literally die for Maman Cheng’s Quiche.

- - -

Lila was fuming when she arrived at home.

“Who does he think he is?!”, she spit out between clenched teeth. “He had zero proof!”

And not only had her attempt to win Felix over failed, Hawkmoth hadn’t even sent an Akuma for her! That, or this goddamn beetle had caught it before it had reached her.

“What a dutiful little bug, aren’t you, Ladybug?”, she seethed on. “Always looking out for butterflies. Well, newsflash: you aren’t perfect! And as soon as you let one of them slip through, Volpina is going to kick your ass!”

That brought her thoughts to another pain in her butt and she threw her phone away in frustration. If it weren’t for that pigtailed goody two shoes, Felix would be writing poems of admiration for Lila by now. All these beautiful words, lost because that stupid Marinette couldn’t leave Felix alone. He was unreachable for her now!

Taking a deep breath, Lila tried to calm down.

Don’t do anything rash. We’ve come so far.

She still had Adrien wrapped around her finger. That boy was so eager to believe her, he threw all reason away for some pretty fairy tale. And as long as his father was with her, she had Adrien handled.

Still. Loosing her chance with Felix had... hurt her. She hadn’t realized she’d looked forward to their relationship that much.

Sighing she fell on her bed and grabbed her phone, going through his poems. She’d pictured how everything would go from the moment she’d looked through his bag. He would’ve been smitten with her writing, her poetry resonating with his. Once they were on their date at the Eiffel Tower, he wouldn’t have been able to deny how pretty she looked with the sunset illuminating her face, the wind in her hair... He would’ve intertwined his soft, slender fingers with hers and confessed how connected he felt to her. She would’ve blushed and told him to stop, but he would’ve written her a poem about his feelings for her and kissed her hand. Then they would’ve kissed, just as the sun disappeared and the lights at the tower went on. The rest of the evening, they would have talked about their shared affinity for words and tales, how they both could spin their audiences in webs of emotion and wonder - even though they used different mediums to accomplish that. He would’ve realized that they were the only ones that understood each other, that they were made for each other, that they were soulmates. How they were better than these silly children in their class.

She groaned and turned her phone off, not bearing to see his pretty poems now.

It was all Marinette’s fault! She’d stolen that future from her and Felix!

Lila froze.

Wait a second.

Since when did she give up that easily?! This was Marinette she was talking about! That girl didn’t have enough brain cells to walk properly! She was no opponent for her, Lila Rossi, the cunning Volpina! She was the Queen of Lies, the Master of Manipulation, Gaslighting and Illusions! If she wanted Felix, she’d get Felix!

With renewed determination, she got in front of her computer. She had some research to do!

-

“There you are, Chaton!” Ladybug greeted her partner. She was still smiling from her encounter with Felix, and determined that this patrol would go smoothly. Chat Noir replied with his usual smirk.

“If you don’t look energized today, My Lady! Happy to see me?”

She chuckled and landed next to him, on the rooftops next to the Seine.

“Come on, Kitty! This city doesn’t patrol itself, you know?”

“Actually, can we wait a few more minutes?” her partner asked with surprising seriousness. “I wanted to talk to you.”

She wanted to refuse - she still had to catch up on her missed history lesson, time was precious - but the pleading look in his big green eyes made her weak.

“Alright” she sighed. “But only shortly! What is it, Kitty?”

He hummed.

“You always call me these pet names. It’s so cute!”

“Chat. Focus.”

“Right! Uh, my dad is... the owner of a business, you know? Famous and renowned across France. He always has to look super professional, or his investors run over to his rivals.”

“Okay?” Ladybug tried to follow, unsure where this was supposed to go.

“You kind of remind me of him, sometimes! You’re both smart, and very serious about your work, and usually too busy.”

She didn’t know if he wanted to compliment or insult her.

“Anyway, my mom and I are very similar, he always says. She used to work for him, as a model. And when they fell in love, my dad was a bit worried a relationship with one of his coworkers might look unprofessional. ‘What would everyone say?’, and so on.”

“And then?”

He shrugged.

“Nothing. They got married and it worked out fine. No problems whatsoever.”

“Huh.”

Chat looked at her, obviously expecting something, so she added: “That’s... a very sweet story. Your parents sound very lucky.”

He beamed.

“Yeah! And luck is just our thing, right?”

“Uh, yes” she agreed carefully. What did they have to do with his parents. “But why are you telling me this?”

“I just wanted to let you know... I understand how important it is for you to look professional. And that I support you, always. You don’t have to worry.”

“Thanks?” She was positively confused now. “I don’t think anybody doubts our professionalism, but... that’s reassuring.”

“You’re welcome.”

He probably meant well, even though she didn’t understand what he was playing at. So when he closed his eyes and leaned in, her mind had yet to catch up. Only when he was actually pressing his lips on hers, it clicked.

She slapped him. Hard.

“Ow! What the-“

“Oh no, that’s my line, Chat! What the fuck?!”, she hissed out, wiping her mouth with her wrist. Chat looked up, his face shifting from shock to betrayal.

“I-I thought-“

“You thought what?! You can just kiss me out of the blue after I repeatedly told you I’m not in love with you?! What don’t you get about that?”

If he looked hurt, she didn’t care. She was tired of this, tired of his advances. For once in her life, she wanted him to listen and understand her!

“I- someone told me you were worried that-“

“Why are you so quick to listen to some bystander, but refuse to hear my very! Clear! Answer!”

“Your answer isn’t clear at all!”, Chat Noir yelled back, getting to his feet. “You say you don’t love me, but you’re acting like you do! You call me pet names, you flirt with me, you kiss me all the time! So either you enjoy leading me on, or you’re lying to both of us about your true feelings!”

“Aaaargh!”, she groaned in frustration, clasping her hands above her head, “You’re impossible!”

“No, I’m simply making my feelings very clear for you! We are partners, and we’re supposed to be honest with each other!”

She tore her hair. He was so stubborn, so obstinate that that he could do no wrong. She wanted to scream.

“Chat, I honestly don’t want you to kiss me.” she tried to keep it simple, lowering her voice to prevent herself from lashing out. But Chat certainly didn’t help at that.

“That’s okay! We can just hold hands, if you want to. Or go for Ice cream.”

“No! I don’t want any of that! Kwamis above!”

“Then what do you want?!

If she didn’t get out of here, she’d do something stupid. Slap him again, probably.

“Leave me alone, Chat.”, she pressed out, her voice breaking.

“What? We’re partners! You- We need each other!”

“I’ll handle patrol from now on.”, she ordered, leaving no room for discussion. “Until you can accept that I don’t reciprocate your feelings, we should only work together when necessary.”

She swallowed, throwing her yo-yo.

“Please, Chat.”

Then she was off, disappearing behind the buildings of Paris. Leaving a stunned, upset Cat behind. It took him a while before he could move, and even longer before he reached his home. Detransforming had never felt so draining to him.

“What the everloving Fluff were you thinking?” Plagg raged as soon as the ring set him free. Adrien groaned.

“Not now, Plagg. I really don’t feel up to this now.”

“You don’t feel up to this?” Plagg snarled incredulously. “I don’t feel up to this! I don’t feel up to anything! Ever! And even I can’t let you do something like this!”

“How should I have known she’d react like this?” the boy defended himself. “Lila said-“

“Volpina-Girl! You know she doesn’t like Ladybug! But somehow you thought her love advice is more credible than the answer Ladybug has been giving you for months!”

“But she’s Ladybug! And I’m her Black Cat! We’re completing each other.”

Plagg shook his head.

“Right now, you overgrown airhead, you are about to loose even the most platonic part of her feelings for you. It’s simple: that or nothing, Kiddo.”

-

Where Ladybug was lonelier than ever, Marinette was soaring high. After Alya apologized for not believing in her innocence regarding the poems, the others soon followed - much to Lila’s dismay. And the compulsive liar got even angrier after seeing how much closer Marinette and Felix were becoming. Marinette found that she didn’t care.

Felix was... odd. He spoke clear and directly, not caring if he sounded rude. He didn’t like warm temperatures, preferring to hide on the shady yard. He listened to classical music, but had beaten Marinette more than once at Freestyle Clash 2.

(“Rap is poetry as well!”, he had defended himself when she teased him about it.)

He also didn’t like crowds, or people in general. But whenever Marinette was chatting with her classmates, she found him listening attentively, even if his eyes were glued to his book. While he didn’t want to be actively involved, he wasn’t antisocial either.

And to be honest, she appreciated his silent company more than ever when her other friends became... overwhelming. Being around Felix was easy. His mere presence was calming, as if everything was in control.

“Girl, are you there? ‘Cause if I’m not losing my senses you’re staring at Mister Icecold instead of Sunshine Boy.”

Marinette blinked, pulled back into the real world. Alya was looking at her expectantly, eyebrows raised so high they almost vanished beneath her hair.

“I didn’t!”, Marinette insisted, but Alya rolled her eyes.

“Come on, you’ve been hanging out with him and him alone for the past week! What’s up with that?”

“Nothing! I just really like Felix, that’s all. You know I have a crush on Adrien.”

Alya’s eyes were scrutinizing but playful.

“Hm... If you say so?” She chuckled. “I should be glad. Frosty is kind of scaring me, actually. He’s so rude!”

Marinette huffed with arms akimbo.

“He’s just... honest! And hasn’t been around people much. He doesn’t mean to be rude, he just doesn’t want to lie for politeness’ sake either.”

“I don’t mean that. At least, not only that. He’s been glaring at Lila whenever she tries to speak with him.”

Marinette sighed. They’d talked this over at least a dozen times already, and while Marinette didn’t call Lila a Liar openly anymore, she did like to give hints. Which Alya successfully ignored.

“Just... let’s get to class. I don’t want to be late again.”

While Felix hated nothing more than talking during the lessons (“It’s disrespectful!”) he did communicate from time to time. Over the course of the week, they had developed an intricate language of stolen glances and discreet expressions that was comprehensible to them alone.

When Marinette fell into her seat next to him and replied “present” upon hearing her name from Mme Bustier, he gave her a concerned look from her to Alya.

Everything okay with you two?

Marinette shrugged and rolled her eyes.

Just the usual disagreement.

He huffed, concentrating on the lesson, but not without nudging her leg with his knee. His gesture for showing support.

“Before we continue with Napoleon, let me make an announcement.”, Mme Bustier caught her class’s attention. “Since you’ve all been so eager and hardworking during Monsieur Agreste’s bowler hat contest, I’ve been looking for another opportunity to let your creativity run free.”

She smiled at the front row.

“Since Lila has so generously helped me out, You now have the chance to participate in a competition called “Journalism Junior”, hosted by Alec Cataldi and Nadja Chamack.”

The class cheered and Alya high fived Lila, who smiled as Adrien patted her on the shoulder. A sharp pang in Marinette’s chest made her look away.

“If you want to enter the competition, you’ll have to create a report on something that greatly impacted you, until next Friday,” Mme Bustier continued. “It can be about your greatest inspirations or fears, a problem you want to draw attention to or something you want to support. Copying is as always,” a sharp glance at Chloé and Sabrina, “strictly forbidden! This is about an honest and genuine insight into Paris’ youth, so be true to yourselves!”

As soon as Mme Bustier finished, the class was alive with the buzz of excited students.

“Journalism! Not really my specialty, but sounds interesting.”, Marinette beamed at her gloomy neighbor. “I think I’ll do something about fashion! Or baking? Or media design?”

Felix only huffed and Marinette stilled.

“Is... everything okay?”

He blinked and straightened himself.

“Yes, of course. Journalism just isn’t my cup of tea.”

He leaned his head sideways.

“You should do something about fashion. You’re talking about it constantly, and I’ve seen your room. If something has an impact on you, it’s designing.”

“You’re right!”, she agreed, already thinking about what sketches she should work with. “Oh, will you do the report on your poems? No, wait, they’re personal. Your music then? I’ve heard you play the violin in the art room, it’s magical!”

Felix’ cheeks appeared a bit more saturated for a moment, almost as if he were blushing, but it disappeared when he shook his head.

“I won’t participate at all.”, he clarified sternly. “I’ve had enough people trying to peak into my life. But I’ll help you with yours. You’re horrible with deadlines.”

“True”, she grimaced. “But I don’t get why the behavior of other journalists should keep you from trying something out yourself!”

His fingers twitched, betraying that this was about something entirely else. A bit gentler she added: “Are you sure you don’t want to do something of your own? It’s different if other people try to drag your personal life into the limelight, or if you willingly share something on your own terms.”

“Hm...”, he murmured, before giving her one of his rare smiles. “You are exceptionally smart, Marinette. I appreciate your advice.”

She rolled her eyes. He could’ve as well written her a thank you letter, as formal as he was.

“Thanks. But don’t think I haven’t noticed you’re deflecting!”

She backed down anyway. Felix obviously didn’t want to share his thought process with her, but hopefully, he just needed some time.

Or maybe she was just misinterpreting his behavior and blowing things out of proportion. Wouldn’t be the first time for her.

-

Felix might not look the part, but he did think about what Marinette had said. She was right, of course. There was a difference between someone stealing his secrets, and himself sharing them. But to him it had always been technical at best, a mere incongruence in terminology.

Insisting on being involved in Mum’s company from an early age on had put him in the spotlight far more than he’d anticipated, then. When he took up modeling – the only way to help he was given, his mother didn’t want him to “waste his childhood with adults work” – he’d become a minor celebrity basically overnight. It hadn’t gotten better when he grew up.

He’d always felt like some sort of public property, a puppet for others to project onto, or a fancy building people went sightseeing for on weekends. More than once his mother had to hire security people to ensure he had some semblance of peace outside, without being bothered by fans or paparazzi. His father’s position and... attitude certainly hadn’t helped to give him some personal space. So, at one point... he’d simply stopped going amongst people. And he didn’t mind that!

But the week he’d spent with Marinette, or even Aurore and Marc, had made him realize that while he could be on his own... he didn’t want to, anymore. Not always at least. They were so... generous with everything, sharing help or stories or simply their company with him. Especially Marinette, without ever expecting anything in return.

He wanted to return something, though. Anything to let her know he appreciated her. To make her smile the way she drew out his own.

So when school was over, he waited for her to pack up her things and get ready to go.

“You wouldn’t happen to be free this afternoon?”, he asked quietly. There where a few other students left in the room, Rossi and Agreste among them, and while he’d never concern himself enough with them to whisper, he wouldn’t push his luck either. This afternoon should go as smoothly as possible.

Marinette smiled and nodded.

“Sure! Want to come over for lunch again? Maman made Quiche.”

He saw Adrien perk up four rows further, and Felix himself found his determination waver. The Dupain-Cheng Quiche was a work of high culinary art, as he’d learned the last time he’d visited Marinette. But no! He had to stay strong! This was for Marinette!

“Actually, I’d hoped you came back home with me for lunch.”

He fidgeted a little, which was odd for him since it usually annoyed him on other people.

“It’s as you said, I should try to share things willingly, on my own terms, and you... make me feel like it can’t be that hard.”

Her smile was replaced by a look of surprise and he mentally kicked himself.

“You don’t have to! It was just an idea, but it doesn’t have to be today. Or ever.”

Why would she want to have lunch with him if her parents were already culinary deities? His mere invitation after tasting their creations was an affront to their craft.

To his relief, however, Marinette didn’t seem to mind his proposal.

“I’d love to come over! I’ll just have to call my parents before.”

She gave him one of her playful smirks that usually came before reading him.

“You actually listened to me? I’m impressed!”

His slight pang of disappointment that he wouldn’t get his beloved Quiche today was drowned out by his happiness to enjoy her company a bit longer. When she turned away to call her parents, he realized he should probably give his mother a heads up as well. He sighed. Mum would be over the moon once she heard he was bringing a friend over.

What had he done?

-

Lila was prepared. She was cool. She was completely fine with Felix asking the walking mess named Marinette out for lunch. And the pen she’d snapped would’ve broken anyway, she was sure.

Not that it mattered. Pigtails could revel in his attention all day, for all she cared. It wouldn’t last.

“Madame Bustier?”, she called the teacher as soon as the other students were gone.

“Lila! Is something the matter?”, the woman asked her new official favorite student. “I hope you didn’t mind that I thanked you in front of the class. I didn’t want to put you in the spotlights so unprompted, but you were a great help and that should be acknowledged.”

Lila smiled modestly.

“Oh, I don’t mind. I just like to help out.”

Herself, first and foremost. The contest was merely a puzzle piece in her scheme.

“Speaking of that,” she continued, “I wanted to ask for a small favor, if it’s no problem.”

“Of course, Lila. What is it?”

“It’s Marinette.” she began, putting on a sheepish face. “We didn’t have the best start, and her behavior last week when I proposed to change the seating again... I think she still holds some sort of grudge against me.”

She paused for a moment, to let the hint settle before she continued.

“I wanted to help her out a bit, so we can become friends! She’s always so busy as class rep, and I fear that the contest might add some weight to her load.”

“That’s so sweet of you! What were you thinking about?”

She had Bustier wrapped around her finger, now.

“Well, I obviously can’t help her with her report.” she mused out loud. “I don’t want to influence her in any way, so she doesn’t get disqualified for copying something by accident. So I hoped I could help her with her class rep duties! Usually, Alya does that, but she’s so passionate about her report and I don’t want to distract her.”

“Very considerate!”, she praised. “What duties would you like to take over for now?”

Now came the important part.

“Oh, Kim has been sick for a while now.” she reminded her. “I wanted to bring him some of the work we did, and inform him about the contest. And the swimming team asked Marinette to bring him the bag he forgot last time. Would it be alright if you gave me his address?”

She seemed to think for a moment before searching for a list in her bag.

“Usually, I’m not allowed to give out personal information.”, the teacher confessed. “But I think in this case, we can call it an exception, don’t we?”

“Of course”, Lila agreed dutifully as she skimmed the list Bustier held out to her. LeChien, Kim... there. And directly above: Leanne, Felix. Smiling, she typed the address into her phone. Felix’ address, of course. Max was already bringing Kim his homework, and the forgotten bag was a lie.

“Thank you so much, Madame!”, Lila said genuinely when she put her phone away and walked towards the door. “Oh, one last thing! Would you maybe... not tell Marinette I asked for this? I want to surprise her.”

“Don’t worry!”, Bustier said cluelessly. “I‘ll forget you asked me for anything.”

“You are the best, Madame! Good bye!”

She didn’t her her teacher’s reply, she was already out of the door. Her phone was on and she pulled up the pictures she’d taken of Felix’ calendar.

He was meticulous when it came to organizing his day, and she was more than grateful for it. He would be home by now, and lunch with his mother would last until 15 o’clock. He’d made a note not to disturb her from 15 to 16 o’clock, since Madame Leanne was in a meeting. From 16 to 18 o’clock, he’d be busy with his violin lessons.

Perfect.

But before her plan could be set in motion, she had another little tale to spin.

“Nino!”, she called when Adrien’s best friend came into her sight. “Wait for me!”

He was alone when she reached him. This was almost too easy.

“Wow, everything alright, dudette?” Nino asked, concerned that she’d hurried so much to catch up to him. “You look kinda rushed.”

She smiled and waved it off.

“I’ll be meeting Jagged Stone soon, and I don’t want to be late. I showed him your latest tape by the way, and he was really impressed.”

“Really?!”

“Yeah! But I really have to hurry now. Could you maybe tell Adrien from me that he doesn’t need to worry. You know, because of the Marinette thing.”

Nino frowned.

“Wait a sec. Marinette thing? Is she or Adrien in trouble?”

Surprised Lila put her hand over her mouth.

“Oh no, he didn’t tell you? Oh, I messed up! I’m so sorry!”

“What did you mess up? C’mon, I’m not telling anyone.”

She looked from side to side, as if worried others might overhear.

“I’m sure he meant to tell you.” she started secretively. “It’s just that... he’s been worried about Marinette. He thought she acted so weirdly over my proposal that Felix should sit with us in the front, that maybe she doesn’t like him. He thinks Marinette is ignoring, or outright bullying Felix.”

“What? I mean, that dude is giving me the creeps, but Marinette is super close with him.”

She forced a smile.

“You’re right, I noticed that too! But, you know, Adrien has been isolated so long... he just doesn’t know how to read the atmosphere, you know?”

“Yeah, he’s kinda oblivious.”

“I just wanted him to stop worrying so much. He was really concerned when he thought Felix and Marinette might not get along.”

Nino gave her a thumbs up.

“Don’t worry about him, I’ll soothe his nerves. You go meet Jagged Stone!”

“Thank you so much!”, she said, and meant every word. He was really useful, even though he made her cringe. “Oh, but maybe don’t tell him you heard this from me. He didn’t tell anyone else, and I don’t want him to think he can’t trust me.”

“Sure thing, dudette!”

“Bye-bye, then! And thank you!”

Lila smiled as she ran off. Everything was fitting perfectly together. The best tool to keep Marinette away from Felix was her crush on Adrien. The best way to use her crush was his dislike of Felix, and his assumption he knew what was best for his friends. The closer he thought them to be, the more he’d try to spread his animosity towards Felix onto Marinette, who’d do everything to please him.

Now Lila only had to wait.

- - -

I’m happy over every reblog, Part 5 is on its way. Here’s the tag list:

@crazycookie13o @a-6-yearold-inside @sinfulfoxbeast @kuroko26 @sternsneeze @zeyheartstaylor @elliecake5 @kristycocopop @yamadochie @sofmimis @enigmaticagitator @offically-over-it @earth-demon @juhavs @omgelisahagemanuniverse @owllover132 @kaydenth3gayden @janaikam @mewwitch

#miramu writes #wttb #welcome to the back #felinette fanfic #ml felix #miraculous ladybug #mlb #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #ml salt #ml spite #felix month

[fictionsthings]

Anakin for the character meme?

First of all: *insert incoherent screeching*

Second: This is a lot and I apologize (especially if it doesn't make sense.)

How I feel about this character: Ok, I have a lot of feelings about Ani and they're not all coherent so bear with me. I love him so much but he makes me so sad. Anakin is such a tragic character. So much shit happens to him.

Age 9: Freed from slavery (which is good) and taken from his mother, who is still enslaved (not good AT ALL). He is thrust into a new environment with a bunch of strangers, the majority of whom are hostile towards him. (*coughTheJediCouncilcough*)(HE'S NINE, YOU ASSHOLES! OF COURSE HE'S GOING TO BE SCARED!)

Little Ani is so brave. I never would have been able to leave everything and everyone I cared about, even if my mom wanted me to, even if it meant a better future for me. Not to mention that he literally goes in to battle THE NEXT DAY and NO ONE SAYS ANYTHING!

Age 19: Has nightmares about his mother's death which eventually come true when she dies in his arms, and then kills every Tusken Raider he deems responsible for her death (and not just the men. But the women- and the children too.) He then loses his hand to Count Dooku the next day.

Since my grandfather died this year, I find myself tearing up when Shmi dies. Sure, my grandpa and I weren't super close, but I still loved him very much and for weeks after his death, I could hardly bring myself to do anything. I can only imagine what it must have been like to lose a mother and then have to hide the fact that you were even grieving from the majority of the people in your life.

Age 22-23: Has nightmares of Padme dying in childbirth and becomes reasonably terrified of losing her and their child(ren). He goes to Yoda for advice, but unfortunately, Yoda's advice is shit and doesn't help him at all in any way, shape or form. Palpatine uses Anakin's fear to manipulate him and make him come over to the Dark Side, making Anakin think that it's the only way to save Padme, only for Ani to lose everything he ever loved instead. When Anakin first woke up in the Darth Vader suit, one of the first things he asks is "Where is Padme? Is she safe?" When Palpatine said that Padme was dead, Anakin literally destroys almost every thing in the Medcenter in his grief. Palpatine then relied on Anakin's attachments to ensure that he would remain Palpatine's slave apprentice because Palpatine was the only thing Anakin had left. Not only that, but Anakin felt that he was too far gone to redeem himself. (Note that it was Luke's belief in what goodness Anakin had left that helped him return to the Light. More on that later.)(I fucking hate Palpatine. He has literally been manipulating Anakin since he met the kid on Naboo.)

I would like to say that the majority of people I've seen/talked too agree that it was Palpatine who killed Padme. Anakin was supposed to die on that beach on Mustafar. Palpatine wanted Anakin's power leashed to him, so Palpatine saved him by using Padme's life force. It makes sense. Palpatine has known Padme for years. He mentored her in politics. He knows her, and so it would be easy to identify her in the Force and then steal her life, even easier if she is already weakened from emotional (Anakin's fall and use of the Force on her) and physical stress (her pregnancy and labor). The parallels between Anakin's "repairs" and revival and Padme's childbirth and death make it subtle but obvious all at once. (I also want to punch Palpatine's damn teeth in for smiling at Anakin's pain.)

I'm also half convinced that Palpatine planted those nightmares of Padme in Anakin's mind to draw him closer to the Dark Side.

Age 41-42: Finally kills Obi-wan Kenobi and feels so lonely (and maybe sad, I'm not sure) that Yoda can feel his pain all the way from Dagobah and Yoda feels sorry for him. (I would also like to note that Anakin knew to be off the Death Star in ANH because he had a Force Vision and decided not to tell anyone else because everyone else sucked and you can't change my mind.)

If you- a Dark Lord of the Sith- can make Yoda- Grandmaster of the Jedi Order- feel bad for you, then goddamn you must feel awful. (I'm feeling even more sad, wtf? I didn't realize it was possible)

Age 44-45: Finds out that he has a son and that Palpatine lied to him for literally half his life. Think about that. He has spent approximately 22 to 23 years as Darth Vader and he had a son out there. Literally, nothing is more important to Anakin than Family. He is angry that Luke was kept from him and he is vengeful. (In the Darth Vader comics, he goes to the Lars Homestead to punish the people who "stole" Luke, only to find out that they're already dead.) He singlemindedly searches for Luke for years, and then he finally gets to him on Bespin (after he hurt his son's close good friends.) There's the fight, then he literally cuts off his son's hand and THEN he tells Luke that he is his father. (Anakin, I love you, but you have pretty bad timing.) Then Luke literally chooses to fall, choosing the possibility of death over taking his father's hand.

Even if you're a Sith Lord, that has to hurt. Note that Anakin only made the offer to take down the Emporer and rule the galaxy as father and son once. Luke rejected him (which, I'll admit- perfectly reasonable) and I'm not sure why Ani rejected Luke when Luke pretty much offered the same thing in ROTJ, but something happened and I need to find out what. I may tear my heart out in the process, but it's whatever.

Age 46: Emperor Raisin Face keeps on saying that Luke will either join them or die (which granted, Anakin said in ESB, but still) and so Anakin is reasonably desperate to get Luke over to the Dark Side so he doesn't die. Anakin senses Luke going to the Forest Moon of Endor and decides to pop down for a visit when the Emperor says that Luke will go to him. Luke does indeed go to Anakin, and immediately tries to appeal to Anakin's goodness, to his paternal side. Anakin tries to deny him, says that the name Anakin Skywalker "no longer has any meaning" to him and that "I must obey my master" and continues to deliver his own son to the Emperor. During their fight in the throne room, Anakin finds out that he not only has ONE child, but TWO. He then makes the happy mistake of trying to provoke Luke into fighting him. It works and Anakin loses his hand again. And just when he thinks that Luke might kill him, with the Emperor egging him on, Luke tosses his saber away, rejecting the Emperor and saying, "I am a Jedi, like my father before me." When the Emperor attacks Luke with the Force Lightning and Anakin literally crawls back to the Emporer's side, Anakin eventually answers Luke's calls for help and tosses the Emporer down a chasm. Anakin dies just before Luke can get him off the Death Star and after telling telling that he (Luke) was right about him (Anakin) and that Luke already saved him.

Can I just say that the "I must obey my master" line breaks my heart? Because it absolutely shatters it. As I've gotten older and understood more as I've watched these movies, I have cried at this scene and I will cry when I watch it again. That is not just a threat, it is a promise. It breaks my heart. He sounds so defeated. And I always feel so relieved and happy when he comes back to the light.

Moral of the story is: I want to give him a hug and officially adopt him as my son. (Real talk though, if I met him in real life, I would just do my best to not piss him off.)

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

- Padme

That's it.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: I have many.

- Obi-wan and Anakin

- Ashoka and Anakin (I have yet to see Clone Wars but I've seen a lot of fan content)

- Captain Rex and Anakin (I have yet to see Clone Wars but I've seen a lot of fan content)

- Luke and Anakin

My unpopular opinion about this character:

I'm not sure if this counts as an unpopular opinion, but if you didn't notice, I don't call Anakin by Darth Vader in this and that is because he was always Anakin Skywalker, he was just in denial. Also, it doesn't feel right for me to call him Darth Vader. I used to clarify if I meant Vader or Anakin, but at this point it's just... Why seperate the two? They are the same person. I call the suit "Darth Vader", yes, but honestly it's just to clarify when I'm talking about in ROTS because Anakin is "Darth Vader" both in and out of the suit in that movie.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that Anakin can't go back to being the man he was, but he never stopped being Anakin. He changed, yes, drastically even. He went by a different name, yes. But he was still Anakin Skywalker. It just took him awhile to figure that out. (Hence why he wasn't in the Darth Vader suit as a Force Ghost)

One thing I wish would happened / had happened with this character in canon:

I wish that he and Leia had been able to make some sort of peace. Leia doesn't have to forgive him, Force knows she has every right not to, but it would've been nice if she could have made peace with her parentage in canon.

I actually read a fic like that here on tumblr recently. I'll have to see if I can find it for y'all.

Found it! -> x <-

#sorry #this is a lot #this took four class periods #ask meme #anakin #anakin skywalker #luke skywalker #obi wan kenobi #ashoka tano #captain rex #leia organa #sheev palpatine #lord sidious #emporer raisin face #emporer palpatine #no queue we die like men

[aliceslantern]

Beyond this Existence, chapter 16

Summary:  After Xehanort's death, Demyx finds himself unexpectedly human in Radiant Garden. With nothing but fragments of his past and a cryptic statement from Xemnas, he's left to figure out who he is. When Ienzo asks for his help with a project, the two find common ground, but the trauma and secrets in both of their pasts could tear it apart. Zemyx (Demyx/Ienzo), post-KH3 canon compliant

Read it on FF.net/ on AO3

----

Excerpt of an audio recording from device 5.875.32.852 (admin is registered as EVEN [surname REDACTED]. Transcription programs recognize the speaking voice of the admin as well as one other distinct voice. Transcription errors due to colloquialisms, slang, accent, muffled speech, etc. are acknowledged and will be used in further evolutions of this program.

Recording commences at 16:03.

--I hope you do not mind that I am recording this. I assure you any we can redact any exceedingly personal information. This is for my edification only. I would never dream of letting it fall into unsavory hands.

--Uh. Sure.

--Can you state your name and age in its entirety?

--Yeah. I’m [birth name and surname REDACTED]. I still go by Demyx. I’m twenty-two.

--That’s your name? That’s not what I thought.

--Yeah, well. It seems like I’m full of surprises. I don’t care who knows it, but it doesn’t seem to fit right anymore. You know?

--I suppose. So. Can you tell me what you remember, as far back as you can, as comfortably as you can?

--I’ll try.

----

These memories don’t feel like mine.

It’s weird. I guess it’s more like I’m reading a book, or watching a movie.

“It” started, if by it you mean all this Keyblade crap, when I was five. I was my parents’ only kid. We were broke. Like, squatting and going to soup kitchens broke. There were the early days, when the Foretellers--the five chosen ones or whatever--were just building their unions and preaching about their ideas in the plaza. I’m honestly not sure if they were the first wielders, but they were definitely the ones that made it a thing, That promised this as the way to seek the light.

Heartless started coming--from the future, or so they said in the square. We needed a way to defend ourselves. So they started testing people for worthiness. Kids were always easier. Less corrupt. More full of light.

More manipulable.

They said they would take the kids from more troubled circumstances, and give them what they needed to survive. In my parents’ eyes, food and a place to live. The luckier ones could stay at home. So that caused a big influx of poor people sending their kids in to be tested and trained. While some of the better off ones saw it as a sign of honor, everyone else wanted to keep their kids safe. Even the ones with Keyblades were dying.

My parents figured Heartless were better than me starving to death. So they sent me, by myself, for the test.

The older ones could pick their unions, but the real little ones like me they chose a more “organic” approach. They take you inside, and there the Foretellers are with a little table of five toys. Apparently picking one shows some intrinsic quality they’re looking for, or whatever. I got chosen to be in Ursus. And just like that, my mom and dad hugged me goodbye and left me there.

It was hard. Physically, mentally. I missed my parents. The training was grueling, and it hurt. But whenever I would cry or get upset either Master Aced or one of the older kids would tell me to be quiet. Because I was lucky. And I had a chance to be something.

But you see, Even, it doesn’t matter how lucky I was. I was still getting razzed by Heartless, getting thrown in and out of time to these worlds, getting reprimanded for bunging off quests or not getting enough lux. I got kicked out of a few parties for that. Making friends wasn’t so easy when I got a reputation for being a crybaby and a coward, even though I was six or seven.

I still tried to see my parents when I got a chance. They moved around a lot. Dad tried to get steady work a few times, but I think he had some kind of mental illness or something, and he could never be on time, or do what he was told, or get out of bed, so they lost their apartments a lot. Mom was a street musician, and she took in students sometimes, but it wasn’t enough money.

She taught me, too.

Compared to Keyblade stuff, music was so easy. I was so good at it. Knowing I wasn’t terrible at everything gave me strength to go on. I had a way to take all the bad feelings, all the nightmares, and make something beautiful out of it.

I tried to quit the union.

You wouldn’t believe the telling off Master Aced gave me. “Why was I ashamed of my heritage”. “Why wasn’t I doing my part.” “What did I think I would become otherwise, I came from the gutter.” It was devastating. Without the Keyblade, they said, I was worthless. I didn’t want to believe that was true.

As the years passed, and this all kept happening, I tried to study music on the side. That’s when I started keeping the diary. I wrote these weird avant-garde compositions, but that wasn’t enough to salve the pain. So I wrote how I felt, and if anybody found it, I’d just say it was nonsense. But nobody did, though. During that time the tensions between the unions started to grow, mostly over who was getting the most light. Kids were fighting in the streets. Killing each other’s Chirithys--that’s how I lost mine. Even the most legendary parties fell apart. People were still dying.

One of these days, when I was almost seventeen, I was going back to the dorms after another quest. Master Ava--Vulpes’s leader--stopped me. She said she’d heard about me, and I braced myself for another lecture like the ones Aced liked to give. But it was my focus on the bigger picture of my life she liked, she said. She wanted me to join a special union she was building.

The Dandelions.

The reason she built this union was because she feared there would soon be war between the others, and that war would escalate to apocalyptic proportions. Remember, we’d all been training for years at that point, we all had way overpowered magic--even me. But because we had no foresight as to anything other than collecting lux, nobody could see the consequences of fighting.

She was going to take this special union, and she was going to teach us how to escape this world altogether, just to make sure somebody survived.

I know you’re probably dying to know how we did it, but I honestly can’t remember. It was some kind of spell, for sure. I know that each of us cast it, and we were all supposed to go together. But it’s one of those things too slippery and powerful to hold onto for long. Not to mention, this travel was supposed to wipe our memories of the trauma and give us a fresh start. So she said.

The war started earlier than expected. The only reason I went to the battle was to find the other Dandelions so we could leave. But I’m not sure if I missed a memo or something. They were gone. Then again, there were so many bodies that had been just so completely fucking destroyed that they could have been some of these people.

…

…

…

[Audio muffled or indiscernible; external knowledge of social cues suggests emotional distress.]

People were just fucking killing each other. They… they tried to kill me, too. I remember Keyblades hitting my armor and I panicked. And I guess instinctively I cast the spell and got out. Got somewhere, or I guess some when is the better word. I ended up in the same place, just later, surrounded by all these rusting Keyblades, my memories completely cleaved and running through my fingers like sand. I remember that, feeling it all drain away like a dream.

That’s when Xemnas found me. When things started to hurt. The shock and the armor made it hard to tell, but someone had stabbed me clean through the chest.

He was nice to me, too. He said he’d been waiting for me and that I was going to be okay. He could give me purpose. My wounds would heal.

I died, and Demyx was born. Memory-free.

You know the rest.

End recording, duration--25:17.

----

“Goodness gracious. ” Like a child listening to their favorite story, he’d been leaning forward attentively. He’d even started recording it on his gummiphone, which Demyx initially felt was a violation of his privacy. But considering how close-lipped Vexen had always been about his experiments, he knew, if anything, his words would be safe in Even’s hands. “This is a window into our history.”

“Yours, maybe.”

“You simply must tell me more about these Foretellers. How is this organization structured? What was their training regimen like? Who was their leader--did they have a leader?”

“It's a lot to talk about." His throat was dry from talking for so long.

Even exhaled. He paused the recording. “I suppose you’re right. Of course you must be very tired. It’s been a long day.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I would say so.”

A beat of silence.

“Thank you for sharing this with me,” Even said. “I realize… it is not easy. Especially given our past relationship.”

“Like you said. Forgiveness.”

He nodded once, curtly. “Would you like something to help you sleep?”

“I think I’ll be okay. But thanks.”

“Well. Don’t get too used to it.”

Demyx looked at him. He didn’t know how else to be kind, Demyx realized. It must take immense effort. “Wake me up if anything changes with Ienzo,” he said. “Please.”

“You can be sure of it.”

----

The next several days, he felt utterly hollow. Demyx slept a lot. This was a sort of mental exhaustion. He was afraid to stray too far away from Ienzo’s side, but his condition remained unchanged. Guilt clung to him. He wasn’t really sure what to do with himself. He cleaned his room, which took all of ten minutes considering his lack of possessions. Did laundry. Found a couple books to read which weren’t half bad. It was a toxic combination of boredom and stagnation. At the end of the first week of this, Dilan asked him to come play cards.

“I figure you could use a bit of a diversion,” he said. He offered a smile.

“I guess I’m being pretty pathetic, huh,” Demyx said. He forced a laugh.

“Given the circumstances? No. But wallowing must be horrifically boring.”

Dilan’s quarters were even smaller than Even’s. He and Aeleus shared a sitting room and kitchenette. A faint smell of garlic lingered in the room, along with something like eucalyptus. He had a small herb garden, each one meticulously cared for. Near this was a pile of puzzle boxes.

Dilan took out a pack of cards. Demyx sat gingerly on the couch. It was less stern than the other furniture, a bit more comfortable, a soft velor that felt good to touch. He was becoming increasingly reliant on the tactile to stay grounded. He didn’t know if this was one of his myriad issues, or an effect of being overwhelmed.

Dilan crossed to a small glass cabinet. “Would you like a drink?”

“God. Yes.”

He poured them each a few fingers of whiskey into small crystal glasses. It burned when Demyx sipped it, but he liked it. “What shall we play? It’s a shame we’ve no third. I’d rather have liked to play Blackjack.”

“It’s not like I have anything to bet.”

“Too, too true.”

They settled on Hearts. Demyx didn’t know what to say to Dilan. After winning the first game, Dilan got them another drink.

“I’m not sure how I feel about your newfound reticence,” Dilan said. “It’s so odd, to see how humanity has changed you youth.”

“How so?”

“You were hardly ever so reserved. Ienzo was never so friendly. You should have heard him, chattering away to Sora. ...I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t bother me. To hear his name. Either of them, I mean.” He felt only a shadow of the ping of anxiety he got when thinking about Sora. Of course, knowing what he knew now, it made sense that Sora’d had to strike him down. Psychically, there were bigger fish to fry.

“You’ve got a focus to you. An intensity. It’s like you’re more present.”

“I don’t feel very present.”

“Well. We’ve all received some shocks recently.”

The alcohol was making him warm and a little dizzy. Demyx wasn’t sure whether or not he liked the sensation. He slipped off his shoes and pulled his feet up under him. “Why did you become an apprentice?”

Dilan thought for a moment, shuffled his cards, and then drank down the remainder of his whiskey in one swallow. “Why indeed,” he muttered. “I was only a boy at the time, a bit younger than yourself. I needed something to do with my life. I’d always liked creating things. Building things. Ansem had passed some initiatives to make Radiant Garden a haven for the sciences. I applied to study engineering under him, and was accepted.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that.” He chuckled. “Why did you choose to become a Keyblade wielder?”

“I didn’t,” Demyx said. “It chose me. I was poor. Being a wielder was pretty much the only way to survive.”

“I abhor such economies,” Dilan said sourly. “I cannot understand how some leaders will let their charges suffer for basic human rights.”

“I can’t really have a realized perspective of it. I was still a kid when I left.”

“What will you do now?”

“What will I… do?” Demyx repeated numbly. “Frankly, I didn’t think I’d get this far.”

“You and I both.”

He continued to pet the velor. He was feeling dizzier still, and heavy. “I want to be with Ienzo,” he said. “And I want to make friends. Real ones. But I don’t know where I’d fit.”

“What’s that old adage? “Be yourself?””

“Hasn’t exactly worked in the past.”

“It is a theory of mine that becoming a Nobody worsens one’s flaws and insecurities.” Dilan poured them another drink. “Our personalities devolved and repelled. Fed by darkness. Take your time. Be honest. That’s all.”

Demyx picked up the crystal cup and swirled the amber liquid around a little. “I guess.”

“What about that guitar of yours?”

“Sitar?”

“Yes. That.”

“I don’t know,” he said. “But I’ll find out.”

---

The next day, it sleeted. The echo of the splotches of snow piling up outside was audible within the confines of the castle. Demyx went to the library, armed with a cup of coffee. He lit a fire in the hearth. Once it was large enough to tend to itself, he sat down cross legged in front of it.

For some reason he was nervous. This was akin to stage fright. He’d much rather be worthy of Arpeggio than the stupid Keyblade.

Demyx held out his hands and pulled from within. The Keyblade appeared. He sighed. “I don’t want you,” he muttered. Let it disappear. He remembered the way the sitar had felt, the perfect weight of it, the smooth varnished wood.

Keyblade again. Demyx had to resist the urge to just toss the damn thing. He stared down at it. Traced the smooth shaft, twisted the links of the chain.

“Please,” he said to it. “I don’t want to fight. I just want--”

Not to be an idiot talking to an inanimate object?

Vanishing. Reappearing. It didn’t matter how long he thought about his Nobody memories, of all the music he’d ever made with Arpeggio. Of the fights or occasionally lack thereof.

“Are you mad at me?” Demyx asked out loud. “I didn’t ask for this to all happen.”

Hadn’t he?

Oh, we do too have hearts. Don’t be mad.

“Shut up,” he hissed at himself.

The fire popped as a log settled, startling him.

“Is it because I’m not him anymore?” he continued. “I’m still the sa-- no. I’m not.”

Demyx lay back on the plush carpet.

Remembering death was not easy. Doubly hard now that he knew it wasn’t the first time he’d been slain with Keyblades. Some of them were sharp, most blunt. You’d crush your ribs before you drew blood. Which was what happened. He rested his palm on the spot were the scars were.

Sora, Donald, Goofy. So much rage. Realization that this was a murder-suicide. He was able to pin Sora twice before the pain was too much. Before fading. Before waking up. Before Braig, with a soft smile, and a boy with silver hair, and a hot stab to the chest. What would have happened, really, if he hadn’t been turned into a vessel? What would he have done? Run away? Spent his life friendless, unloved and alone?

Without Ienzo?

He needed connections. Without them he could never hope to be whole--at least, figuratively. He had to do better. To be better. But how? Fancy displays of heroism were functionally worthless if there was no real intent behind them.

Demyx stood. Despite it all, he sort of had an idea.

----

The winter coat he had was warm enough, but it was not quite waterproof, and by the time he’d waded through the slop he was damp and chilly. When he reached the door of the committee’s headquarters, though, a knot of anxiety overrode his physical discomfort. Demyx stood for several moments at the door as wet snow piled on his hat, unsure of what to say. Several times he reached up to knock and withdrew his hand. He had barely placed his palm on the doorknob before it opened of its own accord.

“‘Could’ve finished War and Peace in the time it took you to make up your mind,” a middle-aged blond man said gruffly. “Come on in, kid.” He was smoking a cigarette, and its smell mixed with the ambient woodsmoke. “Don’t think we’ve formally met. I’m Cid.” He offered his hand. “Saw you unconscious, but I don’t think you remember that.”

“Not--exactly--” Demyx shook his hand.

“Let me take your jacket before you get snow everywhere.” He took the wet garments and hung them on a coat rack.

“It’s warm in here,” Demyx said, half in wonder. He was so used to the drafty castle that he’d forgotten what adequate heating felt like.

Cid raised an eyebrow. “‘Course it is.”

“It’s, um, the castle. Heating’s not very good.”

“I imagine it wouldn’t be.”

A beat passed. Demyx felt his anxiety rising and floundered for things to say.

“I’m guessing you’re here for Aerith?” Cid asked. He stubbed out the cigarette in an ashtray.

“Well. Sort of. I want to help.”

“With what,” he said blankly.

“Anything. I mean I--” Demyx could feel himself turning red.

“In the middle of winter?”

He bit his lip and looked down.

Cid chuckled. “I’m messing with you, kid. We’re always happy to have an extra pair of hands. Any of ya’ll got a sense of humor over there?”

“Let’s just say it’s been a tough week,” Demyx said.

“I’ll say. Weather’s been driving us mad. I finally kicked out Yuffie and Leon to get some peace and quiet.”

“...Er. Sorry about that.”

He shrugged. “I’m sure one or both of them will be back soon. They know a bit more about the operations stuff than I do. Why don’t you have a seat?”

Demyx perched in one of the folding chairs. Cid sat back down at a computer and began absently writing code. He wondered if he should say something. Anything. Ask questions. He kept his hands knotted in his lap.

A door he hadn’t noticed previously opened, and out came Aerith, drying her hands on a towel. “Demyx? What are you doing here? Is everything okay?”

“Fine--well, enough. I’m here to help.”

She crossed over a plant on the table and cut off a few of its leaves. “Can’t do a whole lot in the winter other than plan, unfortunately.”

“What are you doing with those?”

“Making medicine.” She nodded her head towards the other room. “Want to see?”

He followed her. It was a small, narrow room, with a cot up against one wall. The other wall was lined with cabinets and some counter space. A few different types of dried leaves and blooms were stuffed in the myriad little drawers. She took the leaves, scattered them into mortar. To Demyx, the mix looked like a salad more than a medicine. She crushed it down, whispered a spell, and then with an odd little device began packing it into capsules. “Pectin,” she explained. “Goes down easier than the raw leaves. And doesn’t get stuck in your throat.”  She held up the tiny pill so he could see.

“What does it do?” Demyx asked.

“Cold cure,” she said simply. “We need lots of it this time of year. And colds always change. I’m forever tweaking it.”

A memory he hadn’t fully process washed in. He’d never been the best fighter in any of his parties, often left to provide background support. The spells then he’d used had been barbaric in comparison, but at least it kept people alive.

“When did you learn how to do all this stuff?” he asked. He was feeling odd.

“Oh, ever since I was a kid,” she said. “My mom and grandma before me were healers. They sorta taught me what I know now. And I’m also teaching myself.”

“Do you think it’s possible for someone else to learn?”

She crushed more herbs. “I’m sure it is. It’s magic like anything else.”

“What about--say--me?”

Aerith turned slightly. She appraised him.

“I’ve been wanting to help people and I don’t know how. You saved me. You saved Ienzo. I can’t do science, and I’m not a good fighter. But I have a good memory.” He considered the irony of that statement. But he’d always been good at memorizing.

“It’s a long road. This isn’t something you can do halfway. People’s lives could be at stake. But you know that.” She smiled a little. Tapped her forehead. “You’ve been through a lot in your life. Seen a lot of suffering.”

“Haven’t we all,” he said dryly.

“That’s… right.” She dusted off her hands. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, or believe you can do it. But you’ve gotta have a certain kind of tenacity. An ingenuity. Tell you what. Why don’t you read some base healing theory? There’s no way Ansem doesn’t have books about it. If that doesn’t send you running for the hills, we can talk.” She winked.

Demyx nodded. “Okay. Sounds good.”

“Good luck.”

He stood.

“Was that the answer you needed?” she asked.

“I think it was.”

----

A week or so passed. He tried to do what Aerith said, and study. But Demyx had never been the most studious, and almost everything he learned sans the very basics he’d learned in the field. He spent these minutes and hours alternating between the text and the dictionary. Why were academics such bad writers?

Sometimes he studied near Ienzo, sometimes he didn’t. Ienzo slept and slept and slept. Demyx could feel the utter lack of presence like a missing tooth. Honestly, being around him and not being able to talk to him was nearly painful.

During one of these marathon reading sessions, Even came in to check Ienzo’s vitals, as he did several times each day. “EKG activity is still fairly limited. But improving. He must be dreaming.”

“About what?” Demyx asked.

“I’ve no idea. ...What is that?” He reached town and felt at Demyx’s temperature. “Are you quite alright?”

Demyx sighed, marked his place in the book, and shut it. “I’m studying. Sue me.”

“But why?”

He drummed his fingers on the desk. “You’re just going to make fun of me.”

“I will… not,” Even said with great restraint.

Demyx raised an eyebrow.

“I must admit I am still getting used to the new you. Tell me. I will withhold judgement.”

“I’m thinking of learning to heal. Like. The magic.” He braced himself.

Even didn’t laugh. “Really? Why is that?”

“I want to help people. And this seems like something I can actually do.” He sighed. “I hate feeling helpless. If I can help someone not feel that way, it’d be nice. You know.”

“I admit I never put much stock in such magic initially. But seeing how that woman has cared for the two of you, I’m starting to change my mind.”

“Do you think I can do it?”

Even considered this. “You had a fairly potent magical ability in the Organization. I don’t see why not.”

“You don’t think I’m too stupid?”

He scowled. “I find it stupid that you hold my opinion in such high esteem.” Then, softening. “As you said. You’re not a scientist. But that really has little to do with practical intelligence.” He picked up the tome. “I’d be glad to help you, should you so want it. These aren’t exactly light reading. It’d be convenient to have another pair of hands.” He picked up another bag of saline. “Well. If you’re so interested, I might as well teach you how to do this much.” He showed Demyx how to change the IV and how to take base vitals. “I’m hoping we won’t need to do this for too much longer. But that’s all up to him.” Even patted Ienzo’s head.

“I miss him.” He felt tears in his eyes.

“As do I,” Even said softly. “Come. Are you hungry?”

---

The more Demyx studied, the more his memories became clearer. In those first shocked days, it had been hard to focus on any memory for very long. Now, not so much.

He’d been a healer then, but not a very good one. He’d still been a coward. More than once someone had gotten egregiously hurt because he hadn’t been willing to step up. He’d been kicked out of multiple parties that way.

He didn’t want to be a coward. It was time to be mature; a grown up. Deal with grown up things in a grown up way. Don’t run. Face it. The hurt will be over that much faster.

For the first time, he tried to summon the Keyblade because he wanted to. But that wasn’t what happened. Instead of cool metal, there was warm, varnished wood. Familiar. Well-worn. He held the sitar tenderly. Cried a bit out of relief.

He was still, despite it all, himself.

#beyond this existence #demyx #even #dilan #aerith #i don't think it's fair to tag ienzo bc he's barely in this chapter

[plotbunny-bundle]

a, c, t and y for mordra!

I held on to this for too long. Sorry.

A: Aptitude1. what are your oc’s natural abilities, things they’ve been doing since young?Mordra has always been athletic. Very good at climbing and jumping.

2. what activities have they participated in?

Mordra used to hunt as a kid. It was his father and sister’s hobby. He liked to tag along.

3. what abilities do they have that they’ve worked for?

A lot of the Jedi skills. Mordra had to work at learning to fight defensively and letting go of his emotions.

4. what things are they bad at?

Talking to people. The Jedi killed his social skills. It’s both kinda funny and sad.

 5. what is their most impressive talent?

I think his kicks are really cool. He can kick people in the head. Mord is also pretty bendy for his size.

C: Comfort1. how do they sit in a chair?

If in public Mordra sits up straight and folds his hands in his lap. In private he’ll lean back and spread his legs. 

2. in what position do they sleep?

On his stomach sprawled out like a starfish. Sometimes limbs fall off the bed. 

3. what is their ideal comfort day?

Mordra likes to keep busy. He enjoys running around fighting and saving people and doing weird favors/errands. As long as the galaxy/world isn’t ending again.

4. what is their major comfort food? why?

Shitty imperial instant soups. Little reminder of home and doesn’t take much work. Mordra still prefers imperial style food. 

5. who is the best at comforting them when down?

It used to be his Mom. But now it’s his old Master Phar. His sister Lydalea and Kira aren’t too bad at either. 

T: Truth1. are they honest?

Nope! Mordra is big liar. He tends to says the Jedi thing even if he doesn’t believe it. and is prone to half truths.

2. can they tell if someone is lying?

Sometimes. Mostly by using the force.

3. is it obvious when they’re lying?

Not usually. Mordra is very good at half truths, leaving out details to manipulate the truth, and telling truths true from “certain points of view.” He learned from his Master so you can thank Master Phar for his habit.

4. have they lied about anything they regret lying about?

In a rp he told his mother “he couldn’t be her son anymore and the Jedi treated him fine” He’s regretting now and wished he’d hugged her while he could

5. have they told truths that have been spread against their will?

Mordra likes to keep it quiet he was imperial and Sith. It keeps coming out.

In a fun rp Mordra was sent to stop a reporter who posted proof of the Jedi Order’s child abuse. She caught him on camera and dug into his history and posted it on the Holonet.

I had an idea in Mordra’s game canon Rusk found out Mordra was imperial when Mord was possessed by the Emperor and was using his natural accent. Mordra will have to explain afterwards.

Y: You1. how old were you when you created them?

23. I made him this year shortly before I started playing swtor. 

2. what inspired you to create them?

Honestly @sonneillonv They had so many cool star wars OCs and I had an idea and wanted to roleplay with them.

3. were they different when they were first created?

I originally created Mordra as a Jedi shadow/assassin and had that as his main verse but now I feel my modified Jedi Knight class story is his main verse. I was gonna have him have shorter hair but that didn’t happen. 

4. do you enjoy writing them more than other characters?

I don’t like writing him extra more then other characters but I Love rping Mordra. There is something so fun about rping this dude.

5. what’s your favorite thing about them?

He’s SO fucked up and brainwashed. It’s so interesting. How do you do the right thing when you don’t know? How do you trust yourself when you’ve been broken and rebuilt two times over. 

Also because Mordra is a fandom OC. He doesn’t have an end game. I don’t have to know where he’ll go. Will he fall back to the dark side? Would he be happier with his family or making a new one from the Jedi? Can he walk away from the war and find his own peace instead? I don’t know! and it’s great.

#mordra archsiri #swtor #ask meme

[moistwithgender]

Curry Read 60s Marvel, King-Size, Nuff Said

According to my tag, it took me about a month to get through this decade (eight years, technically), spending most of my free time reading. I’ve been following Comic Book Herald’s “My Marvelous Year” reading guide because it seemed like the quickest way through while cutting out the chaff. This was not...consistently the case. But, I’m still glad I followed it because this started out with me just chewing through early Spider-Man in black and white (don’t do this to yourself, nice flat colors do wonders for these older stories). I’m gonna go ahead and give the disclaimer that because I was following a speedy reading guide, I missed a lot of stuff, so if you know some really good issues I missed feel free to say so.

I’m afraid to type all this out because it’s a lot and idk where to start!

Okay well I have one idea of where to start.

Fantastic Four

This is Marvel’s best series up to this point and the fact that we’ve had so many garbage movies is a tragedy (don’t @ me about The Incredibles, I know). The FF comics are consistently the most fun, the weirdest, and the most creative.

Going through my reading list, I had to skip parts of FF, which is probably going to be where more of the good stuff was. Though, I will say that I prefer the latter half of the decade over the first half. FF started off with Mole Man, Skrulls (something I first realized was a thing back when they showed up in MvC3), The Puppet Master, The Red Ghost... The first few years of FF was probably best whenever it involved Namor and Doctor Doom. I don’t think anyone’s gonna argue with that. The latter half had The Inhumans, Galactus, The Silver Surfer, Black Panther, the Negative Zone... a whole lot of neat stuff! I actually missed the introduction of the Negative Zone, so all of a sudden Reed’s just got a portal to A Very Bad Place in the middle of his lab and he keeps opening it whenever things get slightly inconvenient. Stop doing that, Reed.

Highlights: - Namor being Namor. Usually at his best as a fish out of water (heh) in human society. With his absurd monarchic pride, and his occasional anti-hero tendencies, he’s...kind of like a wet Vegeta in hot pants. - The Thing. For a while he was back and forth as a character I liked or tolerated, and his incessant backtalk would occasionally become one of those “telling an unfunny joke until eventually it’s hilarious” things. - The Watcher. A being so committed to his vow to never interfere with the fate of the universe that he jack-knifes out of his lane every single time he gets the chance. EXCEPT FOR THE TIME HE WATCHED THE BIRTH OF GALACTUS AND DID NOTHING. THANKS UATU. - The fact that Doctor Doom is a Romani character being written by Jewish authors. That’s a lot to unpack. - The Sandman. Wait, you say, you mean that one Spider-Man villain who was played by the guy from the sitcom Wings? Yeah, it turns out once he’s done being a Sinister Six villain, he goes on to harass the Fantastic Four and gets his own Jack Kirby style super villain outfit!

Look at that badboy. Also he teams up with an angry furry made of explosions from the hell dimension that is the negative zone. - The Inhumans. All of these kids are cool, Lockjaw is an adorable giant bulldog that can teleport across infinite distances, and even Maximus is some sort of play on Shakespeare villains. The fact that differentiating these guys from mutants is really awkward. The short version (if I have it right) is that mutants are born with a unique x-gene, and inhumans come from a hidden society that commonly did genetic manipulation on its citizens at birth. - Galactus. He is arguably the weirdest thing Marvel has in this decade. A thirty foot tall man who flies around the universe and eats planets. He’s literally so powerful that he and the narrative both treat his eating habits as natural, and any victims that happen to get in the way as unfortunate but unintended sacrifices because GALACTUS MUST NOT DIE. Galactus is a vegan metaphor (maybe). - The Silver Surfer. The shiniest, angstiest boy in the multiverse. Originally from a planet where global society had literally hit its logical utopic conclusion, he was bored as shit. Galactus comes along, the entire planet gets spooked and blows itself the fuck up on accident, and Norrin Rad agrees to be Galactus’ herald and pick out planets safe to eat if he leaves his planet alone. Sometime after that he gets punished for trying to fight Galactus, and is punished to remain on Earth, where he would play around with being a very obvious Jesus analogy for a while. - That time where a guy impersonates The Thing in order to kill Reed, and then ends up getting respect for Reed and sacrificing himself atop a meteorite speeding off into an atmosphere of explosions. Really fucked up issue, honestly. - Black Panther. Wakanda is not as cool as it would eventually be portrayed, and BP’s first appearance is as an antagonist (he kidnaps the FF and hunts them for sport), but he has a fucking slick cape. - That time Doctor Doom stole The Silver Surfer’s infinite cosmic power and nearly fucked up everything for everybody for four straight issues. Also he got into a fist fight with the Thing, which is like...hell yeah. - The Negative Zone. WHY DO YOU HAVE A WINDOW TO HELL IN YOUR HOUSE, REED. - The Kree. I have no idea why the Kree are just white people in space. Bad move imo, even Namor’s race are mostly blue people. Anyway, there’s a rad fight with a sentry robot, and a decent introduction to Ronan the Accuser, who you might remember was the (reasonably overshadowed) villain in the Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 1 movie, where he is blue. - Psycho Man. This guy has a remote control that makes you feel emotions and that’s kinda dumb but more importantly he’s from a microscopic universe and controls a non-microscopic robot version of himself to fight the FF and the implications of all that is absurd. - Reed goes into the negative zone (again) to try and find something he knows nothing about that might help his pregnant wife and unborn child survive the gamma radiation they still have in their bodies. He gets pretty lucky. Jesus christ, dude.

The worst parts of the FF this decade is probably every time Susan gets the shaft because she’s a woman, whether it’s her being talked down to by Reed or whether it’s her being written as way more concerned about ~lady things~ when things are going to hell. In the issue where her life is on the line and the baby is coming and Reed has to go into the negative zone, she doesn’t even make an appearance until like the last page. Susan deserves better. My reading guide actually didn’t recommend any 1969 issues of FF? I wonder what was going on...

Oh, skrulls impersonating 1920s gangsters and doing super-human trafficking, of course. Well, let’s move on.

The Incredible Hulk (Tales to Astonish)

I have had a soft spot for the Sulk ever since...probably the 2003 three Ang Lee film? Where I realized that 1) Bruce has bad dad issues and no one likes him, and 2) Hulk isn’t just a big boy, he is really fast and jumps crazy far and that’s a physical concept my teenage brain had never considered. I hadn’t even considered liking the Hulk growing up because I was so uncomfortable with almost all expressions of masculinity and machismo. My mom in fact was the one who told me “Don’t you want to see the Hulk? He’s big and scary like a bad guy, but he’s a good guy!” and I assume that’s what helped change my mind?

Anyway, Hulk has had a rough time in terms of popularity as well. His magazine lasted some six or seven issues before being canceled and his stories would continue, shorter, in Tales to Astonish, alongside Ant-Man (and eventually Namor’s own series). In the last few years of the decade he’d get a new magazine starting with The Incredible Hulk #102 (following Tales to Astonish #101... comic numbering is extremely bad), and...it’s okay so far! In the modern era, Hulk had a cartoon I never watched, a few nonstarter films, there was that series with Lou Ferrigno I know nothing about... He seems to always function best as a side hero. It doesn’t help that all the villains in his series are, like. Weird? Not like FF crazy weird, just like weird and not seemingly a great match for Hulk himself. Most of the ones that come to mind are dudes who are also mutated by gamma radiation or something else (and sometimes also green? why is the green supposed to be a common thread, that feels coincidental).

Which reminds me, Bruce is almost never present in what I’ve read so far. It’s just Hulk, usually talking way more than feels natural for him (it took a while for him to start speaking mostly in the third person). As a result, Hulk is usually given a very limited range of characterization and expected to coast on that, and it doesn’t often work. You have to put Hulk in casts and settings that complement him. For a while there he has a support character in Rick Jones, a (very uninteresting) teen boy who eventually can’t keep up with the increasingly antagonistic Hulk, bounces over to Captain America as a ward, eventually is confused by a cosmic cube-wielding, Cap-impersonating Red Skull, and fucks off on his own. He is immediately possessed by, and becomes a host for, Mar-Vell/Captain Marvel. I do not give a single fuck about Rick Jones.

In the earliest issues, the Hulk is gray, and also...just a non-furry werewolf. HE changes at night, until issue #102 retconned this.

Highlights: - That first issue has some really nice panels but I’m gonna say that’s all Jack Kirby’s doing. - Ends up harassing the FF, Spider-Man, the Avengers (after being one of them and then getting buttmad and running off), the Silver Surfer, the US military (regularly)... - Hulk goes to the far dystopic future?? He gets back I guess. - Hulk goes to Asgard! This is arguably the most interesting place to put him because all Odin’s warriors try to fight him and then decide lol this guy’s cool let’s go hang out. Meanwhile, Loki keeps fucking with him. But then the Enchantress and the Executioner become the villains and things get kinda boring again. - The Leader (that’s actually the name of a villain) makes a big robot and Hulk throws it into a volcano and then activates said volcano with his FISTS to fuck it up. Then he manually diverts a nuclear missile into the atmosphere after suddenly caring about people even though he has no reason to. Shrug! - Hulk goes to Attilan, the hidden nation of the Inhumans! There’s potential for interesting stuff here, but it’s mostly wasted by a full cast of extremely uninteresting one-off characters. This is all in a double length annual issue with a gorgeous cover by Jim Steranko, but the issue itself is drawn by Marie Severin. She does good stuff! But Steranko’s work is gorgeous.

Whatever!

The Mighty Thor (Journey into Mystery)

Thor’s winged helmet is really dumb, goodnight everybody!

Okay but yeah Thor started out in the Journey into Mystery magazine, and I guess I’d describe his stuff as... Dungeons and Dragons by Marvel? I struggle with it aesthetically but I like some of the ideas. Mjolnir is fucking cool, Asgard is both a real place and an planet (a flat one, even?), fucking Olympus is also a place and Hercules exists, Loki is... well, Loki hasn’t come into his own yet, but we’ll get there one day. On the other hand, some of the villains are dull as dishwater and a number of the good guys took their time getting interesting. Clearly there was some appeal, because he did eventually get his own magazine starting with Thor #126, I think? There’s that bad numbering again.

A big weird problem with Thor is that originally he has a secret identity. Like. Donald Blake is a surgeon who needs to use a cane to walk, and he goes hiking by himself and gets lost I guess and finds a stick and it turns out oops it’s Mjolnir and he becomes Thor! And Thor is not just a new identity, but also a person that is both the Thor of Norse myth, and the actual son of Odin up in Asgard and has been so forever and aaaaaaa

Donald Blake is not super important. He mostly exists to give Thor a weakness in that he can’t let go of his hammer for 60 seconds or he’ll turn back into a guy with a PhD. Eventually, in the latter half of the 60s, they add on to his backstory in a way I like, by saying “oh no no, he was always Thor. At one point Odin punished him by sending him to Earth with amnesia and in the guise of a handicapped guy getting through medical school. For some reason.” Which really only makes his dual identities more confusing, and I actually dig that. The MCU does not fuck with this at all, and I’m assuming the comics throw it out in the decades to come. Also, this semi-retcon was not included in the reading guide, I found it on accident. Anyway.

Highlights: - Thor joins the Avengers! I mean, duh, of course he does. He eventually leaves because he’s too popular and needs his own series or something. He occasionally pops back in to do cool stuff. - Thor accidentally ends up on Olympus and gets into a big sweaty fight with Hercules. They decide they are pals. This was an annual issue. - Thor goes into space! This is where things get good, and I really like Thor’s archaic ass as a cosmic sci-fi hero. Great juxtaposition. - Thor meets/fights Ego, the Living Planet! Okay, I said Galactus was the weirdest thing, and I was wrong. Ego is. Ego is almost as described on the tin, because he is actually described as an entire “bioverse”, and capable of changing the entirety of his physical makeup at any time. It is intensely cool. He’s also kind of evil and wants to spread out to control everywhere. Also, Thor makes friends with a nice recording robot and becomes an ally of robot rights. - Thor dies! A guy with a giant crowbar is accidentally given asgardian power by Loki, and then kills Thor because Thor has lost his power because Odin is punishing him again. And then Hela shows up as the goddess of death and says hey Thor. And he says hold on I got this and gets back in his body and saves the day and it’s fine. Hela does what she does best, stand there and look cool and do nothing else.

god she’s hot

- Thor rescues Ego from Galactus? Kind of on accident, he’s just trying to save the people inbetween who got their planets ate. Actually though, this arc fucking kicks, and he hangs out with the recorder bot too. In the end, Ego is grateful and lets the planetless nomads live on him. - Thor hangs out with Galactus and listens to his tragic backstory! Then Thor decides he’s gonna hit him anyway, and Odin decides “that’s enough for this story arc” and whisks Thor off to fight a robot instead. - Volstagg. - Volstagg.

- VOLSTAGG.

- Thor’s dudes go to the human world and there are shenanigans. It is good.

The Amazing Spider-Man

We all knew this was coming. Marvel’s own Pikachu. Possibly the most popular superhero alive (well, second to Batman anyway). And probably the hero I cared about the most growing up. We got associated a lot because we share a name. Spidey is probably the coolest idea for a superhero anyone has ever had, and they better CGI gets, the better his fights look. I do not care how many QTEs are gonna be in that new videogame, I wanna look at Spidey swing. Spider-man is just cool cool cool cool.

Early Spider-Man comics are fucking boring! Goodnight everybody!

Okay just kidding sort of. Spider-Man takes a while to pick up, in my opinion, and I’m 100% positive part of that is because I’ve seen these early stories retold in better and better definition so many times. I watched the cartoon as a kid, but the Sam Raimi movies are probably what comes to mind when I think of Spider-Man. Steve Ditko nailed a fucking iconic costume design, and did a great job of visually communicating Spidey’s agility on paper. But, in the earliest issues there was rarely any variation in panel size and shape, and action scenes were laid out like diagrams. Both those factors, along with the fact that each panel had dialogue because Peter kind of never shuts up, meant that pacing slowed to a crawl, and I had to chew through those issues. Also sometimes he just fought, like, mobsters with lassos. Jesus christ that’s boring. As the decade goes on, we start getting some good stuff, and to be completely honest, I’m looking forward to the weird dumb 90s stuff the most?

Highlights: - Peter has a persecution complex and uses his secret identity to be an asshole! Even after Peter’s iconic and still very well written origin story, he spends a lot of time harassing people, good and bad. He regularly breaks into JJ’s office in costume and makes fun of him, he crashes the Torch’s party to beat him up and flirt with his girlfriend, he breaks into the Baxter building to fight the FF in hopes they’ll recruit him with pay, he...gets into an argument with black students who are very passionate about affordable housing? He wasn’t even in costume for that one. Jesus, Peter, go to a therapist. - Nobody likes Spider-Man! Kind of makes sense why he’s got those personality issues, though those start with jocks calling him a nerd (he’s a nerd). Half the city doesn’t trust him, he works for a newspaper that is dedicated to anti-Spidey propaganda (Peter, you’re partially at fault for this), even the X-Men just assume he’s a bad guy, and that’s usually a problem they have to deal with. - Really appropriate villains! Wow! The Vulture matches his high up action, Doc Ock is both another victim of weird science and an intellectual rival. Also, like, their namesakes have a lot of legs. The Lizard is...Florida Man. Maybe the better argument is that many of these villains are memorable, in a decade that featured a concerning amount of “large humanoid monster/robot” baddies in all of the running series. - Like the Green Goblin. Who knew that would be Spider-Man’s Joker? Maybe that’s a bad comparison. Also bats and clowns aren’t usually connected with each other. Where was I going with this. - Spider-Man tries to quit the superhero gig twice, I think? He’s the only Marvel hero to consider this, as far as I know. Part of Peter’s appeal is that not only is he a young adult, unlike the rest of Marvel’s adult cast, but he’s also financially disadvantaged, has a non-nuclear model family, and has to look out for his often ailing Aunt. He has to work a side job while going to school while fighting bad guys, and it’s a lot more interesting than what Tony Stark’s doing up to this point. This has all been said so many times by so many people, but it’s an obligatory mention. - Peter donates blood to Aunt May at one point and accidentally gets a radioactive particle in her body. OOPS. Spider-Man goes on a rampage to find an antidote and tears a metal stairwell off its hinges. He also, like, completely destroys a villain’s underwater base and nearly doesn’t get out himself. - The Green Goblin discovers Peter is Spider-Man! Most of the Marvel heroes have this anxiety, but it never ends up a problem, so this is pretty big. The Goblin kidnaps him in broad daylight, ties him to a chair in a secluded place, and infodumps his origin story that he’s actually the father of Peter’s college roommate and is kind of very unhinged and obsessed with Spider-Man? In the end, Gobby gets amnesia and forgets the whole supervillain and mental illness thing and turns back into a good dad. - Spidey goes to the Casbah! Yeah, go figure. He learns his parents were traitors to America, and it fucks him up so much he flies there to find the truth. He ends up exploding the Red Skull and learns his parents were actually double double agents and were spying for America and so things are a-okay!

also peter kills a dude with a missile

- That aforementioned thing about affordable housing happens! Some black college students are unhappy that the university is taking old dorms that could be used as low rent housing for students and instead giving it to visiting alumni, and start a big protest and the narrative actually pins them as sympathetic even when they get overzealous and physical? I’m...kind of surprised, to be honest. Not used to seeing this at all.

Ant-Man, and...other identities. (Tales to Astonish)

ima keep it real with u founding member of the avengers hank pym, this will not improve marvel’s declining sales

This guy is a goddamn mess.

People like to say “pfffft there’s an ant-man? that’s goofy! that’s the weirdest thing ever! that’s a bad idea!” and buddy let me tell you, Hank Pym has a career specializing in bad ideas. Let’s list them!

- Adopt a young woman while she is grieving over the loss of her father and take her in as both a crime-fighting ward (The Wasp!) and also a love interest. Feel bad about it for about five minutes so it’s okay. - Develop a “growth capsule” that allows you to turn huge and decide to adopt two super hero identities, Ant-Man and Giant-Man. Assume this will not confuse anyone. - Eventually do weird science to make it so you can grow and shrink at will. Assume this will not have negative repercussions on your body. - Change the name Giant-Man to Goliath because you feel like Giant-Man is a dumb name. Confuse everyone for multiple issues. - Get stuck as a twelve-foot tall 90s beverage mascot lookin ass motherfucker (you are terrible at costume design, hank) and get real mad at everyone all the time about it. - Create an evil robot called Ultron and forget about it. Oops! Surely this will be fine.

IT’LL BE FINE

- Fail to relate to your robot-grandson-turned-avenger The Vision. Be a bad grandpa. - Inhale chemicals and get all fucked up on temporary schizophrenia (???), adopting a second personality. Call yourself Yellowjacket, claim to have killed Hank, and kidnap your girlfriend and force her to make out with you. - When assaulting your girlfriend makes her, uh, somehow realize that you are Hank, she will rope you into marrying her, thereby...uh...legally cuckolding yourself I guess? Realize you are Hank during/after the wedding, and be perfectly fine with this egregious violation of consent. Nothing about this will have lasting negative consequences. - Adopt the identity of Yellowjacket, and abandon Goliath. Continue to confuse people. On the bright side, finally have a nice costume. - Make a new Goliath costume in celebration of refusing to ever be Goliath again (WHY), and store it and a beaker of growth serum (WHY) in an unlocked locker out in the open (WHY). Hawkeye will steal it and become the new Goliath II.

So far that’s everything about Hank-Man! Stay tuned to see more of this trainwreck.

Iron Man (Tales of Suspense)

YO THIS DUDE SUCKS

I really like Iron Man’s origin story and his overall concept but the tech culture would not advance far enough to match it for a while. Also this was in the era of the Vietnam War and so Tony’s greatest enemy is The Mandarin, an extremely awkward asian stereotype and I! Ain’t! Got! Time! For! That!

Avengers

The Avengers are, at their most interesting, characters already in their own magazines. At their worst, they’re a bunch of characters no one cares about, fighting villains no one cares about, with last second ass-pull victories. There was a brief period there were I suspected the Avengers magazine was going to be true gristle of Marvel I was gonna have to chew on for hours to get through. Thankfully we are eventually given Marvel’s goodest boy, Vision. After that, things start to pick up a lot.

bless him and his little intangible heart

Highlights: - Captain America is found frozen in an ice cube! He’s been in cryo for twenty years, wow how the world has changed. I guess. Another case of time passing eventually making an origin story better. At this point Marvel has revived three 1940s comics properties: Cap, Namor, and the Human Torch (the lattermost in this case being an entirely different person). - Kang the Conqueror! Kang is a hell of a villain concept. He’s a time traveler who once ruled ancient Egypt as a pharaoh named Rama Tut and, uh, will eventually rule over Earth in the 41st century. He keeps harassing the 20th century for some reason. Also he is hint hint maybe related to Doctor Doom, I guess. - Hawkeye joins, having previously been a one-off villain, and proceeds to be an asshole to everyone forever. Eventually he becomes Goliath II because why not I guess. - Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver join, having recently bailed on Magneto’s Brotherhood, and they are...kinda boring, tbh. Wanda’s “hex power” isn’t very well defined (it makes unlucky things happen), and neither of them have much personality yet. At one point they fight Doctor Doom and he uses a machine to cancel out the hex power (???) and outpaces Quicksilver without using any enhancements (???). Some of these issues really blow. Quicksilver’s costume is lazy as hell. - Hercules joins for some reason, even though he says he doesn’t wanna be part of a team.  - Magneto does some sneaky bullshit and tricks Quicksilver into thinking someone at the UN shoots at Wanda on purpose. Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch join Magneto again because fuck normies. - The Avengers are killed (sort of) by the Grim Reaper! Their newest member, the Black Panther, rescues them.

Pick a color you trilobite.

- The Vision joins, Ultron-5 is introduced, and things finally settle in for the good stuff. - Ultron rebuilds himself in adamantium as Ultron-6 and replaces his legs with a rocket chariot thing. No one is brave enough to tell him it looks dumb.

no shut up its cool and i can fit still fit through doorways

immediately the next chapter he re-rebuilds himself with legs and calls himself Ultimate Ultron. mmmhm.

sounds like somebody was havin some self esteem issues about their body. sounds like a talk that ultron and their dad hank pym could probably relate to each other over.

- The decade ends with an arc where Kang abducts the Avengers and ends up himself wrapped up in a proxy wargame with the Grandmaster. Kang uses the Avengers as his pawns, and the GM creates four superhumans that he totally didn’t get from DC no sir. Perfectly original characters, do not steal.

I just...I just really feel like that last one could have used a few more minutes in the boardroom.

- Even better, the second half of the arc pits the avengers against Captain America, Namor, and the Human Torch...in their 1940s renditions!

Hank even comments on the fact that Namor’s diction is different. It’s great.

The Uncanny X-Men

So I grew up in the 90s, and despite never really engaging with comics, I was quite aware that Marvel’s hottest shit at the time was Spider-Man and X-Men. The X-Men had a slow start, but once they caught on, they never really dropped off. Actually, I think they might be less popular now? They’re at least not the ever-present icons they used to be, and I suspect that is partially to do with middling-quality movies diluting the brand.

But, the appeal is there from the start. Children born unique but feared by society are adopted by Patrick Stewart and spirited away to a special boarding school that is secretly dedicated to teaching them to use their powers for the sake of fighting evil. This was the proto-Harry Potter, though Snape’s gonna win no contests against Wolverine.

Unfortunately, we don’t have Wolverine, yet. We’ve got...these guys!

(Not pictured: Marvel Girl/Jean Grey)

The creative potential in mutant design has not quite picked up yet, so the main team (of five teens and an old man) includes such marvels as Guy With Wings, and Guy What Got Big Feet. Seriously, Beast’s feet get way too much attention.

I cannot wait until you are a blue cat instead of this.

I wish I could comment on the political commentary on the series, but it hasn’t quite started up yet, whether that is intentional or not. The rampant fear of mutants is there, we’ve even had a Sentinels arc, but it’s mostly just surface stuff. I had a lot to say about Spider-Man, so I feel kind of silly coming up short here!

Highlights: - Magneto. Despite the slow start this series is going through, Magneto is immediately introduced and has his wonderful costume design and his super threatening magnetism powers. I am a bit confused as to how his magnetism affects all things, not just metal, but magnets are an irl mystery and I’m willing to let it slide. - The Juggernaut. The two-issue arc introducing Juggz himself are effectively told, if not sliiightly silly in structure. The first issue has the X-Men building up defenses because he’s coming, and later, as he tears through each single one, unseen to both the kids and the reader, Xavier explains his and the Juggernaut’s tumultuous childhood together. It builds the tension really well, but it’s a bit funny by the fourth time the X-Men are saying “we gotta go meet him before he breaks in here where we are!” and Xavier’s like “I’M NOT DONE TELLING MY ORIGIN STORY.” - The Sentinels. This is probably the last interesting arc in the 60s, published as early as ‘65. It’s almost the last material in the reading guide, next to an issue where they all get into a fight with Spider-Man for no reason. If I understand correctly, the Sentinels are later depicted as humongous robots, where here they’re closer to ten feet tall or so. I’d always thought the idea of “a bunch of mass produced robots designed to kill mutants” seemed uncreative growing up, especially given that they don’t, like, have an x-gene suppressing ray or anything, but it works well enough in the moment. - Wholly unnecessary amounts of sexual harassment towards Jean Grey. All the boys have the hots for her (well, maybe not Iceman (pun not intended)), including even Xavier saying that she’s attractive when she first arrives. What the fuck, dudes.

X-MANS IS CANCELED

Doctor Strange (Strange Tales)

The reading guide included a ton of Strange Tales to read, including an 11-issue arc at one point. Good grief it was a lot.

Steve Ditko, of early Spider-Man, did the art for Strange for a good while, and I found that contrast between the diagram like action of Spider-Man, and the much more fantastic illustrations of Strange to be the most interesting thing. Eventually Marie Severin would take over as the penciller, and it would take a bit of time to adjust, but the more abstract it got, the better. Also, I don’t really like the footie pajamas Severin draws him in.

This is Steve Ditko. He has thin lines and exact shapes and while you don’t see it here, his magic fights are very clear and easy to follow.

This is Marie Severin. In comparison her lines are thick and smudged (well, okay, we have to give credit to the inkers for these as well, though I think she did her own inking?), but is capable of uniquely evocative images like this. Her action scenes are harder to follow, but she is equally capable of the kind of surreality that appears in Doctor Strange’s comics.

Also, while the topic has been touched on a lot, especially around the time the movie came out, it still bears repeating that Doctor Strange is built on a foundation of cultural appropriation and mystic eastern boogie woogie nonsense. I’m parroting the words of people that know this much better than me, but it’s a problematic and somewhat common trope that media will depict a white protagonist in a foreign setting who not just excels but surpasses everyone else, particularly peers who are native to the setting. At best it’s well-meaning and oblivious, at worst it perpetuates a narrow worldview where everything has to revolve around white people.

Anyway, when the comics focus more on the dread dark dimension of Dormammu, most of these problems aren’t around, and you get lots of fun and bizarre imagery and goofy spell casting.

Highlights: - Dormammu. He’s a prideful otherworldy being who refuses to be caught explicitly going back on his word when beaten at a game of skill, but easily breaks down and claws at loopholes with which he can attempt his petty revenge against Strange. He is also portrayed as a necessary evil, in that he uses his power to erect a barrier that keeps his servants safe from mindless laser-eye cyclops monsters that are just perpetually punching each other. That conflict makes for complicated situations where usurping him may be more harm than help. Also his head is always on fire, and that’s cool. - Trippy visuals. Ditko’s backgrounds lean closer to pop art with abstract shapes, bright colors, and twisting pathways. Severin’s art, if I can remember (there hasn’t been a lot yet) leans closer to mysterious and somewhat vague settings. I’m describing it very poorly.

That’s kind of it for Strange, I guess!

Daredevil

oh my god how many of these have I done now im so tired

I haven’t read much Daredevil yet! The reading guide has given me some seven issues so far out of the full decade, and while there has been some good stuff, I don’t know if I can draw a big mental picture.

DD is, theoretically, in that same category as Captain America, where rather than being a super powerful character, he is merely very very good at what he has. DD got hit in the face with a radioactive dildo or something and it blinded him but enhanced his other senses so intensely that if you sneeze he can tell what brand of nasal spray you use. Also, he’s super acrobatic and has a swiss army walking cane that he can use to do just about anything. And he’s a working attorney. Fuck you and your eyeballs, Batman.

Marvel has not begun to embrace noir, and as I understand it, that seems to be the genre most people know DD for aligning with. As a result, things are kinda silly! DD’s first outfit was yellow and he fought a man who had robot stilts in broad daylight.

Highlights: - Killgrave, the...Purple Man.

I can’t believe this is how Jessica Jones starts.

Uhh, Killgrave got some pheromones or something embedded in his skin on accident and now everyone just does what he says to no matter what. He’s purple now, too. This has not been taken to its terrifying possibilities yet, but I’m very excited to see where it goes. - Daredevil fights Namor. Okay, seriously? Seriously? This is my favorite issue, no joke. Namor busts out of the ocean demanding a lawyer (Matt himself) so he can sue the human race. Shenanigans ensue, and a trial is attempted, but ultimately falls apart when Namor decides “you know what? fuck this I’m gonna start breakin shit”. Matt changes into the DD costume and takes on Namor with everything he can think of, including construction equipment, but fails.

Out of respect, Namor leaves.

- Stilt-Man.

Stilt-Man. (Stilt-Man eventually shrinks into a quantum state that he remains trapped in for months until he suddenly isn’t.)

- And finally, Mike Murdock. In an attempt to ward off suspicion that he might be Daredevil, Matt...pretends to be his twin brother who is never in the same room at the same time as him. As Mike, he is a cocky jerk to everyone and insists that he is Daredevil. And people believe him.

As you would expect (for once), this nearly gets people killed.

Nick Fury (Strange Tales, Agent of Shield)

NICK FURY IS THE BEST GOD DAMN SONNUVA BITCH IN THE WHOLE MARVEL LINE UP

Nick Fury is like if you took James Bond and made it not suck. You get to keep all the gadgets and world traveling but swap out the “ooh, I’m so cool and serious” with kicking open doors and telling fascists to go fuck themselves. Most importantly, it’s a near-parody of the overwrought machismo that the series runs on. It’s so busy getting from point A to point B in as fun a way as possible that it’s impossible to take seriously.

Actually, it might be like if Battle Tendency was less sympathetic to real world fascists. Which is to say, it’s the pinnacle of evolution.

Look me in the eye and tell me this isn’t a JJBA action scene. (Also, Jim Steranko blessed us with a shirtless Fury in latex pants.)

A highlights list would be ridiculously long because I love these comics, so I’ll instead focus on one thing in particular.

- Jim Steranko’s art is gorgeous

Yes, these are all Nick Fury title pages.

Captain America (Tales of Suspense)

Steve is just now starting to get interesting, mostly through his own series, but he’s had plenty of time for notable moments throughout his screentime (pagetime?) in Tales of Suspense and Avengers. While talking about Daredevil I mentioned Captain America and how he’s less of a nigh-supernatural being like most heroes, and more of a particularly exceptional human. He hits really hard, but more impressive is his stamina and agility. Something that I’ve liked in the MCU is how they’ve portrayed him as always capable of what is just one step beyond what people think is possible of him. He can’t fly, but he’ll do as many impossible leaps as necessary. He’s not super strong (well, not to the degree of Spider-Man), but he sure can run for miles, and he knows his way around that shield.

I feel like a lot of what I’m writing is surface level readings of these comics, but the characteristics of Steve that really identify him haven’t quite shown themselves yet, I think. When I think of him, what always comes to mind is that his “american good boy” values take priority over allegiances, and so you’ll see Captain America himself abandon his title if America no longer represents the values of protecting the weak. Steve Rogers is kind of a perfect flawless human (when not written terribly), but that’s pretty okay at the end of the day, when a superhero is more of an icon than a person.

Highlights: - That time the Red Skull got the Cosmic Cube (not the Tesseract), and became a god for like five minutes.

- That time Cap fought a giant baby.

- That time Cap pretended to be dead and then stopped Hydra from burying all the avengers alive even Vision who would...be able to just phase out of the grave. I’m not really sure what the plan there was. - That other time the Red Skull got the cosmic cube and then switched bodies with Cap and they made a lot of facial expressions.

- That time Rick Jones thought Captain America didn’t like him, meanwhile Cap was stranded on a desert island and hanging out with The Falcon and it was cool. Nobody cares about Rick Jones.

Namor, The Sub-Mariner (Tales to Astonish)

I didn’t read a fuck shit about this dude! Sorry!

Captain Marvel

we’re so close to being done

The reading guide gave me nearly nothing on this dude. Issues #1-3 and then #17. He’s a Kree (whoa!) named Mar-Vell (lol) who should be helping to fuck up Earth but ends up liking it and chooses to defend it. He’s got a jet pack and a laser and a really shit costume and he’s NOT BLUE.

Marvy, I need you to move over, the more interesting hero is behind you.

He’s got an asshole commanding officer who keeps trying to get him killed because he wants to fuck his girlfriend and SNORE, I do not care. Come on dude. I have been psyched to learn about 

At some point in-between chapters #3 and #17, and...shit, I’ll just quote wikipedia for this:

After aiding humanity several times, Mar-Vell is found guilty of treason against the Kree Empire and sentenced to death by firing squad. Mar-Vell escapes in a stolen rocket, but becomes lost in space. After drifting for 112 days, he is weak and on the verge of madness. He is manipulated by Ronan the Accuser and Kree Minister Zarek into helping them overthrow the Supreme Intelligence. To better help them, Mar-Vell is given a new costume and enhanced abilities. After the conspiracy is foiled, Mar-Vell tries to return to Earth. On the way, he is hit by a blast of radiation that traps him in the Negative Zone.[16]

The Supreme Intelligence enables Mar-Vell to telepathically contact Rick Jones, which he uses to lead Jones to a set of "nega-bands" at an abandoned Kree base. When Jones puts on the bands and strikes them together, he trades places with Mar-Vell and is encased in a protective aura in the Negative Zone. The pair discover they are able to maintain telepathic contact. Using this method, Mar-Vell can remain in the positive universe for a period of three hours.

well what the fuck that might have been worth reading, thanks reading guide

Anyway, so yeah, Rick Jones! Both of these characters were pretty boring, and mayyybe this will help the both of them. Or not. At least the new costume is cool.

Silver Surfer

IT’S THE LAST ONE THANK GOD

Once again, I don’t have much to say here! I wrote all my thoughts on the surfer up in the Fantastic Four section, so you can read that if you haven’t. The reading guide only gave me three issues to read, though they were quite good. The first was his origin story, which I already wrote about above. The second one was about invisible aliens that manipulated the surfer and people’s distrust of him (part of this is because he keeps occasionally attacking humans because he thinks it’ll make them be nicer to each other). And in the third issue, Mephisto kidnaps his long lost girlfriend from his home planet. It works out kind of badly for everyone involved.

begone, thought

And that’s everything for the 60s. Phew! This took a long time and I don’t know if it was worth it. Let me know if you read it, if you enjoyed it, if you pity me, whatever. I got more comics to read.

#curry reads comics #long post #very long post #fantastic four #the incredible hulk #thor #the amazing spider man #tales to astonish #journey into mystery #tales of suspense #avengers #uncanny x men #strange tales #daredevil #captain marvel #nick fury agent of shield #silver surfer #marvel

[erikhagcn-blog]

hey demons it’s me ya boy my name is rose and this is my problematic son erik. below the cut is some facts about him and why he’s a problem child so read up and if you wanna plot like this and i’ll come to you! 

— * · DID YOU JUST SEE ERIK HAGEN ? YEAH, HE HAS BEEN LIVING IN AMOR COMPLEX FOR 2 YEARS IN A TWO BEDROOM APARTMENT. THEY ARE 23 YEARS OLD AND CURRENTLY WORKING AS A INTERN/WAITER. I HEAR THEY’RE UNPREDICTABLE BUT ALSO INTELLIGENT SO WE’LL SEE HOW THAT GOES. RUMOR HAS IT, THEY’RE GOAL IN LIFE IS TO BECOME AN AERONAUTICAL ENGINEER

- aite so this is my chaotic neutral math boy

- basically he grew up in a lowkey poor home with his mom, dad and little sister. his mom and dad were constantly fighting and his father constantly tried to pit him and his sister against his mom. for a long time it worked and erik hated his mother. his father always came off as though he was the victim and had erik convinced that his mother was crazy.

- he fought a lot with his mom and his sister. his sister from a young age was very clearly on his mom’s side so it was a little bit like the entire family was split? because of his father. they would constantly split up and get back together.

- it wasn’t until erik was 16 and his mother finally kicked his father out for good that erik started to realize he had made a mistake. his mother had gone through years of emotional abuse from his father and eventually found out that his father was cheating on her with multiple women. his father was also the kind of guy who wouldn’t take any responsibility around their house, used up all their money, etc etc.

- erik, his younger sister astrid and their mother had a lot of healing to do to get to the point where they would be okay again. his father was still in the picture, but he was still manipulating erik and his sister, doing things like promising to see them and then not showing up, constantly asking them for money, etc.

- eventually, erik took over taking care of his family and became like, i guess the man of the household but not exactly. growing closer to his mom and his sister after years of being split apart, he kind of took on the role of protector of them both? both him and his mother got jobs (erik serving, and his mother in retail) and they kind of worked together to rebuild their family?

- through this time erik was working really hard to put himself through high school. like, this kid was really smart, and he didn’t really have to work at what he needed to do to get good grades in things like science and maths. he was shit at english but that’s to be expected i guess. he managed to eventually get into university for engineering.

- honestly though like his family was really broken up until he was 16 and even then like, his mother was working a good majority of the time so erik became super independent. his mother was also really scarred from this emotionally abusive relationship she was in for 17 years that she kind of pressed on him that relationships were useless and pointless and because she was really cynical it kind of absorbed into him self-consciously??? she didn’t mean to ruin him but he became so afraid of losing his independence and having his life ruined like his parents were growing up that he just became so detatched from people??? he’s super distant and doesn’t do relationships or really even like deep friendships? on the surface he’s a nice guy and he has like “””friends””” but he’s the kind of person to disappear for 3 months and then just be like “you wanna get coffee??” he self sabotages himself that way like you have to be really fucking determined to stay in his life longer than 1 year bc he dips and disappears like nobody’s business.

- he’s a huge commitment phobe and would probably sleep with someone a handful of times before completely ghosting them. it’s problematic but here we are. and he wouldn’t rly feel guilty about it bc he’s just looking out for #1 uhfdiuhwsfd. flaky.

- this kid is super smart. like really fucking smart. he’s so good at math and remembering random facts like it’s incredibly. he’s done 4 years of university to get his bachelors in aerospace engineering and he has an internship but he’s working towards saving up enough money to get his masters and potentially get a better job ewfodsijd.

- he’s a control freak lowkey and he’s very impulsive and has a tenancy to do things just cause he wants too without considering consequences. he also has difficult controlling his temper  bc as a child he was never taught how too??? his dad would always egg him on especially if it was to get mad at his mom or his sister which he still feels super guilty abt euwhsdfiu.

- um he’s bisexual so there’s that. it’s something he’s kinda always known and accepted??? he never really came out he just kind of did his own thing.

- idk man he’s just a fucking mess honestly. love him. best described by happy by the maine tbh. 

- here’s a pinterest board if anyone is interested in a better idea of what he’s like. 

i have a list of potential plots here if anyone is interested. so yeah hmu with those plots biatches.

[tinybit92]

RWBY 5:11 thoughts under the cut.

In order of events:

I like the noticeable difference in Qrow’s posture before and after he enters the building. When he’s with the kids he’s slouching, hands in his pockets, hunched forward, looking grumpy and irritable. Then he gets in the school and he’s all business. Straightens out his back, shoulders squared, hands at his sides, and a focused gaze. Good show-don’t-tell moment of character development.

Ha, bet Raven’s regretting letting Yang in on her secret for a second there. Qrow was so focused on Lionheart he probably wouldn’t have noticed her for a while.

I like how intense Ruby is about Raven, little bit of subtle character insight on our poor, underdeveloped protagonist.

Nora legit didn’t believe the magic shit until right then.

Raven mocking her brother’s half-assed shot. Love them sibling dynamics.

Little brother? Guess we know which twin was born first.

Yang’s posture: Fucking fight me, mom!

Ruby Rose, precious innocent puppy talking about the power of friendship.

Yang’s dirty look at Raven when Ruby offers her hand, nonverbal warning that she better not fuck with her sister.

“You sound just like your mother.” YES HELLO, FAVORITE LINE OF THE EPISODE. MORE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT FOR RUBY BY TALKING ABOUT SUMMER PLEASE.

Cinder doesn’t even wait to get there before blasting Ruby’s ass. Girl’s got some issues to settle.

Interested to see more of Hazel in these upcoming episodes. Oscar is exceptionally concerned by his presence.

No, bad kitty, no setting bombs! Where is my spray bottle?

Little bird, Cinder could not be more condescending today.

Qrow looks like an angry parent talking to Leo. “I am disappoint, son.”

Jaune is a poor, sad noodle.

Sick burn, Cinder.

Angry noodle is angry.

I almost feel like Emerald pulling Ruby away from Cinder is less about letting Cinder fuck with Jaune, and more about protecting Ruby from Cinder, because that is not a fight she’s ready for yet.

Merc still letting Yang think she broke his leg. What a prick.

Excuse you Raven? Weiss is worth the world, thank you very much.

Damn, that whole Qrow and Raven exchange. I still want to believe that Raven can be good and this is just a way to ramp up the tension, but it’s pretty clear this shit with the twins has been building for years. Probably about 17 years, to be exact. *side eyes Yang*

You tell that bitch, baby girl. You might not be able to beat her, but at least make it clear that this isn’t about being a Schnee.

Ren and Nora, the only kids from Beacon who actually learned the lesson Ozpin was trying to teach them about teamwork.

Oscar’s already a fucking beast at like five foot nothing.

Hey, proper shot of that lion tail. Good to see a faunus in a position of power. Also explains why he was so vulnerable to Salem’s manipulations with the way we know the faunus are generally treated.

“Fight.” Ozpin’s like, why you even need to ask, kid?

Even though she’s mastered summoning now, it still takes time. Good to show those limitations. Also emphasizes once again the importance of teamwork in this show. Weiss is a support unit, and she needs her teammates to distract her opponents in order to best use her moves.

“You’re the little bitch who was supposed to be guarding the door.”...sorry, couldn’t resist.

More fuel for the Emerald is possibly redeemable fire.

Weiss has no trouble avoiding that stray bullet. She knows what Ruby’s gun sounds like.

Damn, those ballet moves on the glyphs.

Oh shit, aura break!

Wow, fuck you, Cinder. That one was low.

I have deep concerns any time Jaune is around fire. Fire was not a friend to Joan of Arc.

Ruby having legit war flashbacks. Poor baby. :(

Good job showing those limitations again. These kids have some crazy moves, but even silver eyes ain’t worth shit if you turn your back on your opponent and get your ass knocked unconscious.

Good job taking that opening Jaune.

Not so good on the landing there, you little wet noodle. Tripping over his own feet is not very huntsman-like.

Cinder’s like, bitch you dare?

Oh my god, Jaune, stop being so self loathing. Your life mattered to Pyrrha, so don’t you go throwing it away.

Bitch, do not.

BITCH NO.

(Making it look suspiciously like Pyrrha’s spear to rub salt in the wound.)

Jesus, can we please stop stabbing women for Jaune’s character development? WEISS HAS BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH, THANK YOU.

That wound is very deliberately off to one side in a non-vital area. Roughly parallel to where Blake got stabbed, actually. She’ll be fine.

Wonder if that self-cauterizing weapon is better or worse for the injury?

I can’t believe they stabbed Ruby’s best friend while she was unconscious. I know why narratively, silver eyes would have ended the fight right there, but way to rob Ruby of development opportunities yet again.

Also, I have some problems with it being Weiss who got hurt. Her only real connection to Jaune is his unrequited crush on her, so it doesn’t serve much purpose for him other than to parallel Pyrrha. It would have been far more effective to have it be Ren who got hurt. That’s his best friend and an important member of his ragtag family. Not to mention Nora would be flipping the fuck out, which would further spur on the inevitable conclusion to this, which is Jaune discovering his semblance is healing.

Like, legit we’ve known this since season one. The only reason they’ve been drawing out his semblance reveal is so they could have him dramatically use it to save someone. Like right now.

Okay, so that’s it for play by play, here’s a few more stray thoughts:

Like I said, Weiss will be fine. Not even a little bit worried she’s gonna die. This is so obviously about Jaune’s semblance. That’s why they brought it up again a few episodes ago. Still wish it was one of Jaune’s actual teammates though instead of Weiss. Please just let the poor girl be.

If they use this as a reason to have Weiss start falling for Jaune I will fucking riot. They’ve spent too much time making him obnoxiously ignore the fact that no means no. I love Jaune, but if you let him “get the girl” after setting such a poor example, you are sending a bad message. Please let him have a more natural romance down the line. They both deserve better than this potential plot line.

Ruby is gonna be so upset when she wakes up. Even if Weiss has been healed already by then, she’s gonna be on a freaking vendetta. That is her BFF, and Cinder just did it for funsies to fuck with Jaune.

On a related note, Yang’s been really good about reigning in her temper up until now, but given the way she exploded last time Weiss got hurt, this is not going to end well for any of the bad guys in that room. I hope she goes after Raven while in a full on rage and Raven doesn’t even know what to do about it.

Seriously though, can we maybe capture Raven or something and have her talk about Summer and the ways Ruby is similar to her? Pretty please? Or have Ruby talk to Qrow later and ask him to tell her more about what her mom was like as a leader?Just give me character development for Ruby and Summer, please, I beg of you.

Blake and her crew need to hurry their asses up. Given that they’re not there yet, I’m guess they’ll get a Big Damn Heroes moment in the next couple episodes.

I appreciate Adam’s minimal screentime. Don’t let me see him unless Yang and Blake are knocking his teeth in.

As awful as the outcome of this fight was in universe, I really love the way the limitations were presented. They are all still kids, and no matter how powerful they get, they still don’t know how to properly utilize their abilities. Weiss may be able to summon now, but she does’t know how to set up a situation where she’s got the time to do it. Ruby has her silver eyes, but nobody has taught her how to use them, and they’re so reliant on her emotions right now that she can’t keep a straight head to use them without making herself vulnerable.

I fully understand where Jaune is coming from emotionally, but he is being so reckless right now. Pyrrha did not send him away in that locker just so he could get himself killed doing something stupid. If nothing else, I hope this situation teaches him to value her sacrifice and take care of himself as well as his friends.

Blake and Weiss are gonna have matching abdominal scars.

Cinder is gonna need to do something really fucked up in order for Emerald to to turn on her, but she already looks so uncomfortable all the time, and Cinder is cracking so hard, I don’t think it’s that far off honestly.

Really glad this season has been extended to 14 episodes, or that would have been the second to last one. We’ve still got three more episodes for this battle to go down.

#rwby5 #rwby spoilers

[anonymoususername123]

Dating in Toronto

In this world of hookup culture we are forgetting who we are.

It’s December of 2019. The year is coming to an end, in fact the decade is coming to an end. In my generation of millennials I think we’re called, ( I’m 32 ), we either have been involved or know someone that’s been involved in the hookup culture that is currently taking over the world.

Gone are the days of loyalty, trust, commitment, and love.

(Edit: Actually that’s not true. It’s been pointed out to me by some friends, and I already knew this too, that there ARE some people in committed, loving, trusting, healthy relationships. I mean romantic ones. Because I have all of the above mentioned things going on with friend relationships. I have just yet to find it in a ROMANTIC way.... I’d like to say I have SOME hope though... anyways read on to get why I’m so jaded)

Although I know the older and last generations have had their share of breakups and divorces, cheating and scandals, side chicks, alimony, and child support.

These tragedies aren’t new.

What is new and still continuing and evolving is the ever present hookup culture.

You can download an app or two, or three, four, fuck there’s so many who can even keep count.

The point is you can download an app, set your preference, and boom by 11pm that night you’re fucking someone you just met, on an app, literally hours before.

You don’t know them and they don’t know you. You go for coffee, but it’s not really coffee. It’s them picking you up, grabbing a hot chocolate at 10:30pm at night, and going for a drive in their car ( this has happened to me many a times). You then realize ah shit I fucked up, I’m stuck in a strangers car, who is now chain smoking for whatever reason, and then you go park in a deserted parking lot, to sit and get to know each other and make small talk.

Now I know most of you are thinking no way, this can’t be real, who stoops to that level of getting a Tim Hortons hot chocolate between 10:30-11pm at night with a total stranger to then go sit in their car and hope to God they don’t murder you.

But this is real life.

I’ve used Tinder, POF, OkCupid. I downloaded Bumble & Hinge and deleted immediately. I also think I tried something called “Happn” which I also deleted.

I’ve made an account on Seeking Arrangements just for the hell of it ( fuck I really hope I deleted my account oh man). I’ve joined Match for its like one month gig. I’ve joined Christian Mingle YEARS ago only to talk to some horny Italian guy that clearly was on the right site ( insert my VERY DISTINCT sarcasm please.)

It’s interesting because

You lose yourself in it all.

Somewhere someway somehow you allow people into your life you never in a million years think you would. You say and do shit you never thought you would.

You tolerate the weirdest and strangest shit.

Not once but at least.... four times I’ve been picked up by a guy in his car just to drive around, go park, talk, and then they wanna have sex.

I was once, no twice, master manipulated into having sex with a guy I suspect was married, in his van. It was scary. Horrifying. Terrifying. I went against my gut instinct. I went against my vibes. I’ve put myself in quite dangerous and scary situations.

I’ve let men into my life, into my body, I absolutely should never in my life have done so.

I can’t blame my daddy issues, my daddy issues are maybe the root of my issues with men. But my behaviour is something I have to own up to. My patterns, my habits, my inability to catch the players and walk away, block, delete, sooner than meeting up with them, that is on me.

So here I am now just reflecting back on this decade. In this decade I started it off dating someone that was toxic, unwell, borderline abusive. It never starts that way, and then next thing you know I ended up in a psych ward cause I tried to kill myself. The psychiatrist then tells you that one day the memories will fade away until they’re all gone. And it’s true. And he was one of the best psychiatrists I’ve ever met. And I cried when I heard he’s taking a sabbatical to work on something else. All the while knowing this is life. I’m sick. I’ll get better. And this was years ago.

And I slowly get better after that.

But I start using the dating apps. I’m single and vulnerable. I’m a social work student. I’m doing my placement, I’m going through school. I start working at a movie theatre.

My attachment issues, my mental health issues, my DADDY ISSUES, I don’t wanna deal with them. I know I have to. Maybe they’ll go away.

I had previously gotten clean, off drugs and alcohol. So I keep going to meetings.. NA meetings.. at one point I get a sponsor I start step work, I give up, not because I didn’t want to work on my recovery... I just stop using that sponsor. No hard feelings.

Fast forward to now. December 2019. For the last seven years of being single I’ve fucked countless guys... I’ve gone on some weird ass dates and some OK dates. I’ve tried to be non judgemental... I’ve been judgemental... people are... fucked lol.

I fucked a Ryan Gosling lookalike.

A guy I went to high school with.

Many other guys who shall remain nameless. Security guards, guys from NA, guys I met online. Boys boys boys boys.

I’ve gotten attached. I’ve cried, obsessed, blocked and unblocked so many times I have driven myself absolutely insane.

I was taken advantage of. In a van. I blocked that guy by the way... fairly sure he’s a predator... like I said.. some scary scary shit!

I’ve been reckless, not safe enough.

I’ve invited guys over. I’ve had one night stands. I’ve probably broken hearts, I’ve had my heart broken.

Then I meet a couple guys over the last year. One stood out. He was SO good looking in my eyes.. but SO unwell. I dropped every standard known to mankind and hooked up with him. He was F U C K E D up. We eventually end things.. stop talking or seeing each other. In Feb 2019 we randomly see each other ( after having first met each other in March/April 2018) on the subway, he comes over, we fuck. I never hear from him again. I see him on the subway platform a couple weeks later holding hands with a girl. We spot each other. I’m almost near the end of the platform. So he moves to the left, towards more of the centre. The train comes and we all get on. I’m fuming. Raging. I start voicenoting my friends, yelling loudly so he can hear me.. he’s further down the train than where I am. “THIS FUCKING GUY, I JUST FUCKED HIM AND HERE HE IS WITH A NEW GIRL, HOLDING HER HAND, THIS IS MADNESS”.

People are staring. I look crazy. We get off at the same stop. During the train ride They FOR SURE could hear me but they had their heads down, they’re talking, holding hands, ignoring the crazy bitch yelling into her phone about some guy she fucked that has the AUDCITY to board her train with a new girlfriend. Once we all get off, they’re up ahead of me and I eventually lose them. I call my mom and I’m SCREAMING into the phone. But.. who even cares? All that anger, rage & resentment, for what? We weren’t close. Or dating. I was nothing to him. When all I want is to be something to someone.

Basically... I’m sick of this shit. Sick of being nothing to no one. Just a sexual object, most likely a side chick, no trust or respect.

Some have taken me on proper dates.

Dinner. Movies.

Dinner.

Coffee shop.

But the mass majority have been flimsy, stupid, regrettable, one night stands that require more work on my part- I have laundry I end up having to do the next day... mixed with trying to wash all the shame and guilt off of me from my poor choices from the previous night.

It’s like we’ve become transactions with each other.

Some guy I just fucked last night was all “Oh no, I REALLY wanna get to know you, you’re one of the hottest girls on POF right now”

Buddy you don’t wanna get to know me you want to get to know my vagina. PUSSY. You wanna say HIIIIIIIII and REALLY get to know not me as a person but me as my VAGINA.

And it’s like SERIOUSLY?

Why can’t we be straightforward. Why do we lie.. to ourselves.. and each other.. it’s like I’ve convinced myself I’m either not worthy of love and respect or I’ve just given up on it as if it doesn’t exist anymore.

Siblings that are older.. all divorced or about to be. A couple still together. But one pair fights and fights and fights.

Is that love? Is that respect? Is that what a relationship is now? Still?

We can order food, products, and people to our door within a matter of minutes but at what cost?

You’re not paying me for sex but should you be?

I’ve often thought maybe I should dabble in being an escort. I’d get paid. And have sex. Because what’s the difference in what I’m doing besides absolutely nothing except that I’m not getting paid and sex workers are.

I’m having meaningless, pointless, regrettable sex that is oftentimes worth the orgasm but not the emotional turmoil I put myself through after.

I’ve definitely used sex the way I once upon a time used drugs and alcohol. I HATE admiting I’m a sex addict. I don’t crave it.. I don’t NEED it. But I do it anyways. When I’m sad, depressed, stressed. I want sex. I don’t want the guy or the drama or stress or relationship. I wanna exert my feminine power and fuck you til we both orgasm.

But... it doesn’t always work out that way. I may use guys for sex.. but they use me right back lol.

I have to delete the memories from my head and keep moving forward.

I met a guy this summer. At a Tim Hortons. There were vibes lol.

I could tell he was a player, manipulative. We exchanged numbers. To this day ( six months later ) we still chat. He left the city for months and is now back.

He’s put me down, about my faith & beliefs, my career, and just me as a person. He’s pissed me off and I’ve told him off. I’ve blocked and unblocked him so many times over the last few months, even without seeing him in person, only to unblock and message him again. He’s rude, narcissistic, a fucking prick. He doesn’t think, honestly, of literally anyone else except him and his daughter. He makes excuses and has stories for days. He’s been so rude to me so many times and yet I STILLLL wanna talk to him. I STILL want him to like me, want me, date me. Treat me nicer than he’s treated me.. actually talk to me with respect. Not lead me on leave me on read for hours at end to just come back around when he feels like it.

But, here I am, entertaining this fucking douche bag because I’m bored, lonely, depressed.

My dad just died. A month and a half ago. I know, you’re probably thinking Jesus, this girls life is DRAMA! It is. I’ll end this blog post here, for now, and finish all the rest of my stories later.

With my Dad passing its opened me up again. Made me a bit a softer. More self aware. More in tune with my emotions and what the fuck I want, what the fuck I’m doing. Everyone’s always told me how to act and what to do my whole Life, or at least that’s how it’s felt ( even though it’s not exactly true).

These experiences shape you, mould you, change you from the inside out.

I’ll get rid of all these fuckboys.

Everyone says oh just wait, the right person will come along. But will they? Will they really? Where’s the stats and proof and logistics of it? I mean sure I live in a big huge city so I will definitely meet SOMEONE one day but how? Where? Why are we told to just have blind faith this will happen.

Whoever made up that saying and these expressions and thought pattern is a fucking moron. We date and fuck who we either meet in person or meet online. There’s really no in between. But meeting people in person.. who, what, where, when, and how?

I’ll get back to you guys on all the rest of my wild life and stories and thoughts.

Blessings to all for now,

Anonymous Dater in Toronto

[shut-up-mila-blog]

Mila and Billie

♛ fill in the blanks | fluff otp edition : millie.

I am filling this out and I realize that I feel bad because I feel like I am god-modding. This is difficult for me. *cries* I don’t want to assume anything about people’s characters. But yes… okay… just for fun. Headcanons. Yes.

Also @ebpmpunk… hahahahaha hope I didn’t fuck everything up for you. LOL

Who’s more likely to find who wearing their clothes?: Mila is a notorious thief of sweatshirts and is amazingly stealthy about it. She’ll give them back though. Except maybe one. It is her favorite. It is hers now. And with her best innocent expression, she’ll simply explain that she needs it to keep it because he’ll be away on tour and she needs to smell him and feel him. Master manipulator.Who enunciates hand holding?: Initiates, I think, is the word we’re looking for since “enunciates hand holding” makes no sense. And Billie. Most of the time. Mila’s more the sort to lean against him and just wrap her arms around his arm. Billie holds her hand and Mila’s heart skips a beat every time.Who likes having their hair washed by who?: Neither? Well no, not that they don’t like it, I just don’t see it happening often. Mila teases Billie and says his hair is more high maintenance than she is. Which isn’t saying much.Who likes to slow dance?: Both. Generally in private. Middle of the living room, he’s leaving in the morning for another leg of a tour, and it’s just a sweet goodbye. Maybe there’s music, maybe there’s not. Billie whispers sweet things in her ear and she cries. And then he tells her to not cry and she tells him to fuck off. Muse that’s more likely to fall asleep with their head in the others lap?: Billie. Mila lulls him to sleep by ever-so-gently running her fingers through his hair and along his scalp. Probably while watching a movie.Muse that does all the cuddling in a blanket fort?: They’re equal cuddle whores. Like seriously. Blanket fort built for Wyatt and Nova, but after the girls are in bed, Mila and Billie crawl in and they cuddle the hell out of each other. And now I’ve killed my feels.Who hogs most of the covers at night?: Mila. Muse who nuzzles the others shoulder to get them to give them a head rub?: Billie when he’s half-asleep/super tired. Mila when she’s drunk.How do they share a desert? Two forks or one?: Mmm… two. Mila’s serious about her food and sharing utensils takes time away from eating. Two forks or spoons for dessert, but if they’re feeling cheesy or silly, they’ll feed each other a bite or two, so…Who gets jealous more easily?: They both do. Whether it’s warranted or not. Mila’s good at getting jealous over stupid shit though, and she knows it’s stupid. That said… I think Billie’s maybe a bit more expressive about it. Mila bottles shit up.Who gets angered more easily? Billie. AT THE INJUSTICES OF THE WORLD. How do they go to sleep at night?: They’ve probably slept in every position imaginable honestly. I can’t pick one. I feel like right now, early on, they’re very clingy. Either Mila curled up next to him with her hand on his chest and Billie’s hand covering hers, or spooning (and they’ve both been the big spoon). Over the course of the night, they’ll end up moving apart some because body heat. Who gets the most shoulder rubs?: Billie. What are their arguments/fights like? How often do they fight?: I don’t want to think about it. Because they’ve known each other for awhile, and they have this crazy history, and if Mila’s hurting enough, she’ll throw that shit back at him even though there has to be a statute of limitations on bringing up stuff from years ago. Which probably aggravates Billie some. But I feel like… mmm… I feel like it takes a lot for them to actually fight. I feel like they really, really hate fighting with each other, so they really try to avoid it at all costs. When it happens, it’s bad, but also probably doesn’t last long. At least for Mila, it’s painful to her. And I imagine that they both can apologize pretty quickly. Who is more likely to throw things in fights?: Neither.How do they make it up to each other/apologize after an argument? Depends on the argument. Cuddling is a favorite. They’ve been known to have an intense make-out session. Like I said, they don’t like fighting. I feel like in terms of apologies, with Billie, it’s very quiet. It’s a soft, but genuine apology. As if with his words he could cleanse the air of any lingering tension. For Mila… she will flop on him or crawl on him or wrap her arms around him and tell him she’s sorry a dozen times. And she’ll need a response from him. Some sign that he forgives or - or will. But then again, it depends on what they’re fighting about.Do they have nicknames for each other?: Eh… no?Caring for each other while ill, how does the other muse go about it?: So awkwardly worded. I feel like Billie’s got this shit down. I mean, he’s got two grown sons and a young daughter. He’s seen it all. Mila’s down for the count and he brings in a tray with orange juice, tea with honey and lemon, and a bottle of water. And soup. And crackers. And a box of kleenex. Who’s more likely to be patching the other’s wound?: Literally or figuratively? Literal wounds, Billie’s probably better. But emotional wounds… fuck, they are both there for each other. Like… yeah. Though Mila knows a lot of the things that have scarred Billie over the years, and she really makes an effort to be there for him and to never let him feel like he’s alone. He’d do the same for her, she just doesn’t have the same issues.Muse that says ‘I told you so’, after they come home from the beach and other muse is burnt to a crisp while whining how bad it hurts for not listening and putting on sunblock after the other muse repeatedly told them they’d get burnt?: Oh, Mila. Easily. Like oh my god, she’d just smirk and be obnoxious about it.Your otp has a newborn baby, who gets up in the middle of the night when he/she cries?: Fuck that shit. Both of them. They alternate. Though 1. Billie’s the pro and 2. Mila would absolutely give him shit if he didn’t pull his weight. But 3. It would never come to that because Billie’s a good man and an amazing dad and his dad’s death influences a lot of that. He will be there for his kids. Always and forever. Every step of the way.Your muse’s of the otp reaction to finding the others crying about something? And how do they make them feel better?: It would break her heart. It would absolutely shatter her to see him cry. And it depends on the context of the situation. What sort of crying is it? Does she know the cause? That will influence Mila’s course of action. But at the very least, she’d just feel the need to hold him. Rub his back. Keep her arm around him. Be there for him if he needs to talk, but also be silent if he just needs to cry. That’s her big thing. To never let him feel like he’s alone. Hold him. Wipe the tears away. Kiss him sweetly and tell him that she loves him.What would they be like as parents?: Fucking amazing. Like come on. First of all, they already ARE parents. He’s got 3 kids and she’s got 1. Together, I just think they’d be amazing. They’d also be cool as fuck. Like the coolest parents a kid could have.What would they have been like as childhood sweethearts? Well since he’s 11 ½ years older than she is, that’s an impossibility without getting into sleazy and illegal territory. But in a hypothetical world where they are suddenly closer in age… I can’t imagine he’d give her the time of day, so… But okay, that’s not what it asks. If they WERE together… god, now I’m imagining a sort of Jackie/Hyde version of their relationship where he’s the rule-breaker musician and she’s the budding actress who spends her free-time working at the pharmacy with her mom. LOL Probably an intense whirlwind, but it wouldn’t last. I feel like their history has put them both in a mental place where things work better now.Who enunciates taking a bath together?: Billie. I don’t know why. For some reason, I don’t imagine a lot of shared baths…? But I am also better at emotional shit. So then my brain imagines some vague, fucked up scenario, and yeah… still Billie who initiates it.Who likes who playing with their hair?: They both do. Mila plays with his hair a lot more. It’s just a habit. And hopefully it’s one he likes. He plays with her hair when they’re curled up in bed. And she definitely likes it.The place they mostly likely accidentally fall asleep together?: I mean, bed. But also the couch. And that blanket fort from before. I’m pretty sure with enough time, as cuddly as I imagine them to be, they could fall asleep in a lot of places.

#{ holding on my heart like a hand grenade }