#how I sing one of the saddest songs she’s ever written

[arwyd]

#how I sing one of the saddest songs she’s ever written #truthfully I alternate between this and screaming crying throwing up over this song #you’re losing me #I’m sure this has been done before but… #taylor swift #midnights #barbie #barbie meme #(taylor's version) #arwyd (taylor’s version) #mine #arwyd #op

[bananaofswifts]

BY MIKAEL WOOD

Taylor Swift’s pin-sharp new album, “Midnights,” closes with a song in which the pop superstar patiently explains to someone — perhaps many millions of someones — that their intimate relationship wasn’t a product of kismet but of design.

“I laid the groundwork,” she sings over a blippy electronic groove, her voice edging slightly ahead of the beat, “and then just like clockwork the dominoes cascaded in a line.” The tune is called “Mastermind,” which is what Swift calls herself in the chorus, neatly rhyming the word with “now you’re mine.” And plenty of its characteristic detail can make you think she’s describing a romance. But “Mastermind” is also about Swift’s one-of-a-kind career — about the deliberation and the ingenuity of the moves that took the 32-year-old from being a teenage country phenom to being one of the two or three biggest acts in all of music.

“No one wanted to play with me as a little kid,” she sings near the end of “Mastermind,” which might be the saddest and funniest line on an LP teeming with both kinds, “so I’ve been scheming like a criminal ever since to make them love me and make it seem effortless.” (Take a second to savor the intricate rhythm of those words before you’ve even heard them set to music.)

Pondering the delights and the anxieties of her own celebrity has been a hallmark of Swift’s work for years — or at least it was until 2020, when she set aside much of the autobiographical life-of-a-pop-star stuff for the ostensibly fictional character-driven narratives of her twin pandemic albums, “Folklore” and “Evermore.” Full of songs about small-town grifters and awkward high-school kids and unhappily married people — even a murderer — those projects also radically recast her sound, veering away from the synthed-up productions that sent her up the Hot 100 toward a rootsy, mostly acoustic vibe she formulated with Aaron Dessner of the indie-rock band the National.

Swift suggested that the isolation of the pandemic had set her imagination free; certainly, the music’s smaller scale reflected the demands of remote collaboration. Yet “Midnights,” her 10th studio full-length, returns to an earlier Swift mode in both sonic and lyrical terms: This 13-track set, which she produced with her longtime creative partner Jack Antonoff, feels like it picks up right where 2014’s “1989” and 2017’s “Reputation” left off, with slick, beat-heavy arrangements that seem dimly aware of hip-hop’s existence and with lyrics peppered with juicy allusions to Swift’s various high-profile feuds and love affairs. (“Lover,” from 2019, plays even more now than it did then like a transitional effort between phases of Swift’s career.)

It’s easy in a sense to understand why she took this approach, given that she spent 2021 rerecording her albums “Fearless” and “Red” as part of a plan to create new versions of the LPs she lost partial control of when her old record label changed hands. As meticulous a diarist as pop has ever known, Swift has clearly been thinking — thinking more than usual — about her journey and about her younger selves; “Nothing New,” one of many freshly recorded outtakes she included on “Red (Taylor’s Version),” captures a woman in her 30s confronting her 20-something suspicions about how her chosen industry would treat her as she aged out of ingénue-hood.

“Midnights” opens with the steamy, R&B-adjacent “Lavender Haze,” in which Swift laments the scrutiny she’s under as a famous person dating another famous person (in her case, the English actor Joe Alwyn); the song — co-written by and featuring background vocals from the actress Zoë Kravitz — seeks a safe space removed from a realm where her loose talk threatens to “go viral,” as she puts it. In “Anti-Hero,” over Antonoff’s buzzing synths and booming ’80s-rock drums, she weighs the public’s harshest opinions of her, copping to a “covert narcissism” and admitting that sometimes she feels like “a monster on the hill … slowly lurching toward your favorite city.”

The vicious and shimmering “Karma” seemingly takes aim at the powerful music executive Scooter Braun, who engineered the label purchase that spawned Swift’s rerecording enterprise: “Spiderboy, king of thieves / Weave your little webs of opacity,” she sings — heed the conspicuous “S” and “B” in “Spiderboy” — before describing what she views as her cosmic advantage with a series of vivid metaphors: “Karma is my boyfriend / Karma is a god / Karma is the breeze in my hair on the weekend.” The breeze in her hair on the weekend! Good night, Spiderboy.

Swift’s storytelling impulse isn’t dead on “Midnights,” which she’s said grew out of her bent toward wee-hours contemplation. “Midnight Rain,” a slow and woozy number with pitch-shifted vocals, narrates a tale of a guy and a girl with differing life goals, neither of whom appear to be Swift or Alwyn; ditto “Maroon,” in which the guy and girl get drunk off her roommate’s “cheap-ass screw-top rosé.” Then there’s the pulpy, Billie Eilish-ish “Vigilante S—,” about a woman who helps a betrayed wife get revenge on her dirtbag husband.

Yet the songwriting and the vocal performances here are so strong — she’s playing with cadence and emphasizing the grain of her voice like never before — that eventually you stop caring what’s drawn directly from Swift’s real life and what’s not. It’s just a pleasure to get lost in tunes like “Labyrinth,” in which the singer explores her fear of falling in love again, and “Snow on the Beach,” a gorgeous duet with Lana Del Rey with some of the album’s most affecting imagery: “My smile is like I won a contest,” Swift sings in regards to a surprising new fling, and that’s all you need to conjure the precise picture in your head.

She paints another indelible picture in “Mastermind,” referring to herself as “the wind in our free-flowing sails” just after she offers a bit of context for why she’s been so thoroughgoing in her interactions with her boyfriend (or her audience). “All the wisest women had to do it this way ’cause we were born to be the pawn in every lover’s game,” she sings. Then she takes a breath and adds: “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” Only Swift could make a self-help slogan sound like a fairy tale.

#taylor swift #midnights #review

[kurlyfrasier]

First Encounter (The Holonet Reporter, Part 1)

You might wanna read The Holonet Reporter One-Shot before reading this, but it’s not necessary.

Synopsis: A holonet reporter finds trouble at an underground massif fight where she meets the Silver Mandalorian for the first time.

Pairing: Din Djarin x F!OC (platonic)

Warnings: Threats, mild violence, implied child labor/slavery. Grogu is only mentioned, sorry folks. AU where there are holonet reporters

A/N: This takes place after TBOBF. Din has accepted his role as Mand’alore. We are pretending that there are reporters for the holonet, like we have newspaper reporters, ok? ok. We are also pretending the holonet newspaper can be read on datapads like you read books on a kindle or nook, ok? ok. I hope you ENJOY!

Word Count: 3135

Disclaimer: I do not own any Star Wars/Mandalorian anything. OC is my own.

Mando’a Words:

- Mand’alor (MAHN-dah-lor): Leader of Mandalorians

Pronunciations found here.

Din Djarin stood frozen in the shadows. He was clearly tired, exhausted really, to be seeing her. It had to be a trick of the mind. Maybe the Force? A concussion, most likely. But there was no way that the woman on the other side of the market, haggling for the saddest looking beat-up blaster he had ever seen, was his mother.

For one, she couldn’t have been any older than he last remembered seeing her, if not around the same age. For another, she seemed a few inches too short. Then again, he had grown over the years. Maybe she was a clone? 

He shook his head.

Impossible.

“Oh great Mand'alor,” a hand smacked down hard on his pauldron, roughly shaking him to his senses. His eyes never left the woman across the bazaar.

“Who’s that,” he stated, knowing if any of his friends knew, Cara would. She always kept up with who was who and what was what. It came in handy during formal political galas. He always knew who was coming, thanks to her.

“Who- Oh,” he could hear her smile as she leaned on him as if he were a shelf, elbow resting on his shoulder. “That’s Dinna. A holonet reporter. The holonet reporter, actually.”

“The?” he asked, tilting his head in question. Ah, so not the force or a trick of the mind. A clone was still in the realm of possibilities though. He would’ve turned to look at Cara, but she made that impossible at the moment.

“The one who’s written all the stories about you.”

“There’s stories of me on the holonet?”

At this, Cara leans away, faux shock and hurt crossing over her features. “You really don’t listen to me when I talk, do you?” She shook her head. “My, my, how things have changed since you’ve become all high and mighty as-”

Din shoved her - hard - making her bark out a laugh as he turned back towards his small cruiser. The one that now held at least a dozen shaking, frightened kids he and a small team of his best Fighters had rescued from a slave ring a parsec over. They stopped in Navarro to resupply and refuel. Plus, he had a gift from Grogu for his Aunt Cara.

“Wait,” Cara falls into step beside him. “You wanna read one of her articles? I have it right here on a datapad,” she sing-songs, waving it in front of him, not truly expecting him to grab it.

He snatched it out of her hand, shocking her to a standstill, but not long enough to get rid of her. Din inwardly sighed, wondering if this is what it was like to have a sister as he scrolled down to the author’s name. He didn’t care about the story, especially if it was about him. Couldn’t believe half of anything on the holonet, anyway.

Her name had Djarin stopping in his tracks as he stared down at the datapad in his hand.

Dinna Djarin.

Impossible.

In a rush, it all came crashing back. The memories- joy- peace- the night before his worst nightmares came true.

***

“Din,” his mother had said, a smile on her face as she was helping him get ready for bed. “What do you say to being a big brother?”

“Am I getting a brother?” He had asked, curious how that suddenly just happens. “Is he coming tomorrow?”

“Or a sister,” his mother chuckled as she led him toward his bed. “And not tomorrow, but many months from now.”

“That seems like a long time to wait,” he mumbled through a pout.

“Babies take time to grow inside mommies,” she patiently explained, before changing the subject to something she knew he would enjoy. “What would you name a brother or sister?” He was naming everything during that time. From a pet rock to each of his mother’s scarves.

Din’s face scrunched in concentration before answering matter-of-factly. “I would name a brother Traven and a sister Dinna.”

“And why do you pick those names?” She tucked him under the covers, but he was being difficult, trying to sit up, getting excited about the prospect of a brother or sister.

“Traven because it’s a cool name and Dinna because then everyone would know not to mess with her since her name is like mine!”

“Oh so you’d be protective of her, would you? What about Traven?”

“I’d teach him to take care of himself, just like daddy teaches me!”

***

“Mando?” Cara’s concerned voice had his head snapping up to meet her gaze.

He hesitated before taking long, quick strides as he absently returned her datapad back. Any residents in his way parted when they saw who was coming. “What do you know about her?” His voice came out shakier than he intended. Thank Manda for his modulator.

“Not much,” Cara shrugged, easily keeping pace, and Djarin knew he was basically going to get a full briefing. The lady was writing about her friend’s exploits. There was no way she didn’t know as much detail as possible about the reporter. “Works alone. Writes interesting stories while keeping them as true as she knows them. No criminal background of any sort. From Aq Vetina-”

Djarin spun on her, tense, facing her as if she were the enemy.

“How-” he cleared his throat, attempting nonchalance and failing if the look Cara was giving him was anything to go by. “How common is her name,” it was a demand from a king, not a question from a friend. 

She didn’t even flinch. “I know I’ve never met anybody with that name- Dinna. Sounds like a kid named her,” she chuffed out. A sad attempt to lighten the tension surrounding their little bubble. She continued after immediately realizing it was futile. “As for Duhjahren- well, I looked it up in the New Republic database and it’s not common.”

“The ‘D’ is silent.”

“The ‘D’ is-” her furrowed brows raised in shock. “You mean-” She grabbed his upper arm and dragged him into her office a few doors down. She stood silent after closing the door behind them. 

Djarin didn’t dare speak. He wasn’t sure he could.

“Are you telling me that you have a sister?” Cara whisper-hissed, as if saying it any louder would be blasphemy. 

Djarin stayed silent, mouth dry, throat suddenly clogged. Cara was now inches in front of him somehow, lips moving, forming words, but he couldn’t hear anything except the buzzing in his ears. It had been a long few days of fighting, then calming young foundlings, then figuring out if they had any family, then hyperspace on the lowest amount of fuel he’s ever dared fly on, just to get off that awful planet where no good memories were had for the children.

And now this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dinna Djarin eyed her new - well, new to her - blaster and smiled, holstering it. The Toydarian earlier in the day was a tough negotiator (as most are), but she felt she had gotten the small blaster pistol at a good price. 

Where she was headed, she would most likely need it.

Dinna wrapped her scarf around her head, keeping warm on this unusually chilly Nevarro night as she exited her ship. She looked around the landing bay, noticing a group of kids with Marshall Dune (someone she needed to talk to first thing tomorrow) sitting around a fire, eating and chasing each other. Their laughter reached her ears, making her smile. Around them stood a few Mandalorians looking as though they were waiting to be attacked. Dinna wondered if their Mand'alor was around. Yet, another person she wanted to interview, along with the Silver Mandalorian she had been furiously following the past few years.

With a sigh, hoping they’d all be there in the morning, she headed back through the now empty market. If what she heard in the cantina earlier in the day was true, then the underground massif fights would be in the sewers. The same sewers she had heard a covert of Mandalorians used to live in before their Mand'alor reclaimed their planet and surrounding moons. 

Dinna didn’t know exactly what she was hoping to find in the sewers. If she could make a story about these illegal fights or if she was wanting some clue on how to find the Silver Mandalorian. All she knew was that she was at a loss on where to go next and her boss wanted another story about the Silver Mandalorian, or better yet, the new Mand'alor. 

She stopped in front of a tattered curtain that revealed stairs leading to the sewers. She knew because she had found it earlier, not wanting to get lost in the dark of night. With a deep breath and a quick glance around to make sure nobody was following her, she slipped in, following the deafening sounds of betting shouts and massif growls.

Once there, she immediately weaved through the shoulder-to-shoulder crowd, close to the fight so she could take a few discreet holoshots to show the marshall in the morning and found an out-of-the-way corner to hide in. She may have bought a blaster, but that didn’t mean she was the greatest of shots. Honestly, she probably shot worse than a stormtrooper. It was more of a confidence booster than anything. Granted, with the trouble she always seemed to find, it would’ve been smart to practice every once in a while. She shoved that thought aside, thinking she’s lived this long so there probably wasn’t much to worry about.

Until a Devaronian bumped into her.

“Fragile human,” he growled, his pale, red face and thick, dark horns making him look like the devil himself. “What are you doing down here? And with nothin’ but a little blaster.”

“For the fights,” Dinna replied, standing tall, never one to back down even with all the odds against her and thinking she definitely should’ve practiced with her old blaster more. Or maybe even a knife. Some close combat skills would’ve been smart, now that she thought about it.

“Really? Maybe we should make them more interesting,” he looked over his shoulder. “What d’ya say, boys?” Behind him was a Twi’lek who looked more gray than blue and a pale pig-faced Snivvian.

“What did ya have in mind, Boss?” The Twi’lek moved closer, eyeing Dinna, a knife twirling through his fingers. 

“Hmm… I was thinkin’ she could join the fight.”

“Good idea boss,” the Snivvian bobbed his head, arms stretching out to grab her.

“Now wait a second here,” Dinna stepped out of his reach, hitting the wall, eyes frantically searching for a way out. “I’m just here to place bets, just like everyone else.”

“I don’t think so, little human,” the Devaronian shook his head, towering above her. “I’m the one in charge here and I say you join the fight ‘cause I heard about you.”

“About me?” She squeaked, mind scrambling as she tried to keep her voice steady, shrinking into herself. “I’m nobody.”

“That’s not what I hear,” the Devaronian chuckled darkly. “I hear you're that nosy reporter who likes to make the galaxy a better place.”

“You’ve got the wrong-”

“Well the Outer Rim isn’t the Outer Rim for nothin’. We like it messy,” he shrugged. “And what’s messier than a human being ripped-”

“She said you’ve got the wrong person.”

All three spun on their heels, leaving Dinna in their shadows, hidden from sight. She wondered who just spared her a few more seconds of life.

“This ain’t your business, Mando,” the Devaronian spit out.

Mando? She wondered, slowly attempting to creep out of the corner.

“It is when she’s done you no harm.”

“I liked you Mandalorians better when you weren’t gallivanting about the galaxy, helping everyone in need.”

Now almost out from behind the thugs, about to make a run for the crowd, Dinna froze, unable to believe her eyes.

The Silver Mandalorian stood before them, looking bored, the low light reflecting off his armor making him look mystic. The Devaronian continued speaking nonsense until he suddenly wasn’t.

Dinna’s wide eyes followed the sound of a heavy thud to find the Devaronian body lying still. It took no time at all for the Twi’lek and Snivvian to make their move, both jumping the Mandalorian at the same time. He swiftly side-stepped them, effectively causing them to ram into each other, knocking themselves out. She searched the crowd to find they hadn’t noticed a thing. Perks of fighting in an already overly-loud, rambunctious place, she supposed.

“Follow me,” the modulated voice said while grabbing Dinna's wrist. Gently, but firmly, he guided her through the throng and out onto the still dark market street where he let go. 

Following his quick strides, Dinna’s reporter instincts kicked in.

“Can I ask you some questions?” She asked, voice filled with hope.

The soft thud of his boots on the ground and dark, flowing cape were her only answer.

Maybe he wanted her to show her appreciation first?

“Thanks, by the way,” Dinna started, hands speaking just as much as her mouth. “For, you know, saving my life. No way would I have been able to get out of that one.”

She was met with silence.

“I’m Dinna.”

Not even a head tilt or a sigh or any sort of recognition was shown that he heard her.

“Hey,” she jogged a few steps ahead of the Silver Mandalorian and stopped directly in his path, facing him.

It worked. He stopped. He stared. Or, at least, she thought he was staring. It was hard to tell through the darkened visor.

“I’m a reporter,” she paused. “For the Holonet.”

Silence.

“Well, if you don’t want me to interview you, then could I get an interview with the Mand'alor?”

He stiffened.

Ah, so he was listening.

“Would you mind asking him for me? Or her? My boss would love it if I actually got an article in on time,” Dinna rambled nervously before this silent man, hands gesticulating as she continued. “Not that he’s a mean guy or anything. I’ve just been having trouble- I write about you, actually! I’ve written about you killing the Krayt Dragon, helping out those villagers on Sorgan, about that guy Koresh. Apparently a lot of people hated that guy. How you helped Boba Fett. Granted, I didn’t actually get to talk to the man himself. He was offworld at the time. I’ve even ran into a couple of New Republic X-Wing pilots-”

“Sounds like you’re all caught up.”

“What? Not at all. I’ve been hearing rumors about you putting dents in the spice trade and freeing slaves,” she trailed off as he started moving again, stepping around her.

“Do you know Bo-Katan?” She asked, following after him, not realizing they were headed to the landing bay. “I’d like to ask her about pledging her fealty to the new Mand'alor. Although I suppose it’s been a few years since you all got your planet back…Still, I’m sure she remembers what she felt back then.”

Dinna thought she heard a short bark of laughter from him, causing her to stumble mid-step at the sound. It sounded oddly familiar, but she shook the thought away and continued her badgering, now realizing where they were headed as she looked beyond the Silver Mandalorian.

“Those kids…” she thought aloud.

“What about them,” the Silver Mandalorian stated. Dinna decided to take the chance given.

“I was just wondering if you helped save them?”

“This is the Way,” he replied, turning back towards the landing bay.

“Okay,” she drawled, not noticing her ship as they walked past. “I’ll take that as a yes, then. Mind telling me how it went?”

Silence.

Dinna let out a long-suffering sigh. “Do any of the other Mandalorians with you talk as much as you?” 

Silence.

“A name!” She shouted, surprising the group they were now in front of. The food was all gone, but the fire was still going strong with kids chasing each other while the other Mandalorians and Marshall Dune stood guard. “Please, can I get your name? I am so tired of calling you the Silver Mandalorian in my articles.”

The entire camp stilled, including the children, and seemed to listen for his answer. 

“They do know your name, right?” Dinna leaned over to whisper at him after a few beats of silence, considering how intently they seemed to be waiting for his answer. She could feel the pins and needles in the air.

“Mando,” he finally replied and the camp relaxed, kids continued to play. “And yes, they know my name.”

“Mando?” She was incredulous and unsatisfied. “But everyone calls you Mando,” her arms raised in exasperation. “Even that Devaronian called you Mando.”

“A Devaronian,” Marshal Dune cut in. “That sounds interesting.”

Dinna was thankful that somebody was willing to talk to her. “Well, aside from the fact that he almost had one of his henchmen throw me in the massif fight, it was.” 

Marshal Dune balked, taking in Dinna’s small frame. Mando’s relaxed hands fisted, leather gloves creaking in that quiet moment.

“Mando saved me,” she unnecessarily pointed out. “Oh! I have holoshots of the fight to show you, Marshal Dune. And I can show you where it’s at-”

“I’ll show you in the morning,” Mando stated before settling his attention on Dinna. “You don’t need to go back there.”

“But I have to,” Dinna shot back. “The whole reason I was down there was to learn about the Mandalorian covert that used to live there.” Or possibly write a story on the illegal fight, but Dinna figured he would be more sympathetic if it was Mandalorian related.

The helmet stared her down, silent as a grave. Dinna looked around uncomfortably, hoping someone would jump in to help, but nobody seemed to be paying any attention to their conversation except Marshal Dune, who was obviously siding with Mando as she stood by just as silent as the man standing between them. When she glanced back up at Mando, he was walking up the cruiser ramp.

“Hey,” she shouted after him, moving to follow. “Where are you-”

“You get used to it,” Marshall Dune stopped her with an outstretched arm.

“Oh,” Dinna’s shoulders slouched, suddenly feeling exhausted after…everything. Being threatened to be torn to shreds, meeting the very person she’s been writing about the past few years, having an actual conversation with him - well, sort of. It was late. He obviously didn’t want to talk and she was tired. “I’ll just…get some sleep then. Mind if I stop by your office in the morning to give you those holoshots?”

“Sure,” the marshal replied. “See you then.”

With one last look into the small cruiser, Dinna stepped away from the camp with hopes of speaking to Mando and Dune in the morning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mando’a Words:

- Mand’alor (MAHN-dah-lor): Leader of Mandalorians

Pronunciations found here.

If you would like to read more by me, click here to browse the Masterlist

#Mandalorian #fanfic #Din Djarin x OC #grogu mentioned #cara dune #platonic #no romance #my writing #violence #threats #child labor/slavery #although it's mostly implied #I am a basic star wars nerd

[plasmaspring]

Okay incomplete list of things that ended my fucking life tonight before I pass out

Homeless gospel choir is so much fun I need to listen to more of their music

Every other song he said “this is a protest song” so fucking funny

At the end of one of the songs one of the guitarists literally sat on her friend gayly

Frank iero tiny man incident

Thursday

Just all of Thursday

“This one is for the human rights of everyone in this room” &the trans rights shoutout

They/he Gerard incident

Seriously Geoff was having so much fun he is such a killer performer

Everyone around us was so nice and so helpful and so much fun

Sexual vacuum guy song

Vacuum guy rides the vacuum offstage like a horse

Ray toro stage wine in dainty glass (at least one category 5 milf moment during the show)

Mikey’s kids drawings on the amp

The little vial of red paint for Gerard to put up the 4th tally on the drum

Orchestral foundationa

Gerard’s Dracula costume was so fucking… like it was so high quality she and marina put their whole pussies into it

Candelabra

Screaming get up coward with thousands of people made me tear up

She put the cape over her face during foundations

She is the most beautiful woman alive

Ray toro smiles so big and wide and sweetly

They were all so happy to be up there smiling their hearts out

The energy in the room was infectious

Ray, Mikey, and Gerard all made eye contact with us at least twice and I cannot be sure but I believe in my heart that Gerard saw my open palm with “trans” written on it and smiled and Dean corroborates this and I can’t process that right now

I won’t go over every song because then I would be here forever but

Deathwish was the one thing I was saddest about missing from revenge night (apart from hang em high) and they played it SECOND I will avenge my ghost with every breath I take

Planetary Go with Dean shatterstar in the pit was fucking insane

Ray toro summertime solo ten feet from me I don’t care that she messed up a note she is perfect to ME

Boy division. Boy division

Boy division

Save yourself

Dedicating teenagers to their daughter was so fucking sweet and very funny after throwing it away last show

They literally did not stop like it was fucking. There was no time to recover it was just hit after hit

Mastas of Ravenkroft

I’m turning into some bats and rats and cats she got so cute with it WHILE DRESSED AS A VAMPIRE sucks her silly

Duct tape scars on my honey

Doing the destroya moans with Dean & Elle

Skipping sing after so many of us spent so long in the bathroom listening to them sound check it is so funny

I think it was during not okay but Ray went over to sing to his kids and it was the sweetest fucking thing I’ve ever seen these kids love watching their parents perform they love seeing their parents happy and being adored

Scarecrow fucks scarecrow ripped me apart

VAMPIRES

FAMOUS LAST WORDS RAY SOLO IN FRONT OF ME

Gerard is so fucking beautiful I want to kill myself

The dedication of ghost was super sweet

Ghost of you is a good ass song

Kids from yesterday Ray solo literally less than five feet from us, we managed to literally get to barricade right at the end and we got to see Ray fucking crush it right until the end of the show he is so so so unbelievably talented and I hope he could tell how much I fucking adore him by the way I was screaming his name

Mikey carrying his daughter around after everyone else had left the stage beaming so we could wave to her

Callie caught the set list so I got pictures!

There’s literally so much more and so much from before the show and from the first show that like I want burned into my brain forever but I’m about to pass out!!! Jesus Christ the people who love this band are so fucking special I have never felt so welcomed by literally everyone in a space.

I’m never going to forget this 💖

#my show 2

[beefrobeefcal]

hi beefro

i have a question about on the water front

are all the titles of the chapters songs and if so what's the meaning behind them? also who sings them?

💝

To Nonnie, Love Beefro

Thank you for your question, Nonnie! I was planning on doing an On the Waterfront playlist at the end, but I'm happy to get it started. Happy listening, Nonnie!

Smuttiest regards,

Beefro 👌🥩💜

1. Signed and Sealed [In Blood] - Dropkick Murphys

This is not a song, it's an album! My main inspo for OTWF is not just Triple Frontier (2019), it's also The Departed (2006). Given that Boston is the city where it all happens, it seemed fitting to give homage to the band with the opening song to the latter film. This album alone could have been the entire soundtrack for this series.

2. Nobody but Me - The Human Beinz

It's a fun, upbeat song that has no right to be that way. Again, featured on The Departed soundtrack, this is Benny's theme song. The high energy, the catchy tune, the simple and repeatable lyrics... it just screams Benny.

3. Sweet Dreams - The Eurhythmics

This is the chapter where Honey has her first real interaction with BigFish. The lyrics 'Some of them want to use you / Some of them want to get used by you / Some of them want to abuse you / Some of them want to be abused' speaks to Honey not being sure what he wants from her, let alone what anyone else wants her for, either. This song has always felt like a surreal dream in it of itself and seems fitting for Honey's trekking deeper into BigFish's world.

4. Going Out in Style - Dropkick Murphys

Being the chapter that Will really throws Honey into the tiger pit, this song could be one that he recommends she listen to to hype herself up: You may bury me with an enemy in Mount Calvary / You can stack me on a pyre and soak me down with whiskey / Roast me to a blackened crisp and throw me in a pile / I could really give a shit - I'm going out in style.

5. Skin and Bones - Foo Fighters

One of the saddest songs I have ever heard. Written by Dave Grohl, it talks about the internal struggle of watching yourself waste away. Given that we learn about Frankie before he became BigFish, and the addiction that was a constant struggle for him, Skin and Bones could play over a montage of his early years.

6. Bangarang - Skrillex

This song was chosen specifically because of its name; I already had the name of the bowling alley picked and googled Bangarang lyrics and this song popped up. I listening to it once. Might be the weakest link between chapter and song on this list, but here it is and here we are.

7. Bring It Home [Bring It On Home To Me] - Sam Cooke

After the passionate time shared at the bowling alley cut short by BigFish's insecurities and short falls, this could be the song he plays to get her back. After Benny's outburst, the lyrics are a siren song for Honey: I'll give you jewellery and money, too / That ain't all, that ain't all I'll do for you / Oh, if you bring it to me / Bring your sweet loving / Bring it on home to me Too bad BigFish is an ass.

8. Linger - The Cranberries

I love this song, and not only that, it's one of my personal favourites on this list. It speaks to the back and forth Honey has about BigFish and how she knows he's so bad for her... but she just keeps falling for him. But I'm in so deep / You know I'm such a fool for you / You got me wrapped around your finger / Do you have to let it linger? / Do you have to, do you have to, do you have to let it linger?

#on the waterfront #otwf #you asked beefro answered #you ask beefro answers #thot tank #🥩 #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal tummy #frankie morales #triple frontier #francisco catfish morales #frankie morales fanfiction #dark!frankie still chubby though

[asfearlessasamango]

Your blog is one of the primary methods i see new poetry on tumblr and it’s so nice!! I guess I wanted to ask abt some of your favorite poems or poets if u have any? Do you like writing poetry as well? Louise glück and Terrence hayes are my favorites

this is so sweet I’ve been sitting on this for a while ❣️❣️but oy vey, my favorite poems and poets, what a question...

i'll answer your second question first! i do like writing poetry but it almost never occurs to me. i'm a long-form beast, I love the novel, so poetry is not really my native form, if that makes sense. So I really only wrote poems last fall for my poetry writing class, and now I mostly only work on a piece if the seeds of 1 good line have been bouncing around my brain for a while.

some favorite poets.

gabrielle calvocoressi: "miss you. would like to take a walk with you". she has a few poems written in that above style, almost like a series, and they all get me in my heart by the end. she also wrote "hammond b3 organ cistern" and I think it's extraordinary how one poet can write such different emotional depths so well.

chen chen! does this sweet modern witty wordplay laid over emotional truths. my url + ao3 name, "as fearless as a mango," is actually a line from one of his poems! while i don't like the rest of that poem so much, I recommend "I'm not a religious person but" and "If I should die tomorrow, please note that I will miss the particular" .

edna st vincent millay... she just perfected that heartbreak: "time does not bring relief, you all have lied" and "sonnet xliii"

w.s. merwin: "elegy for a walnut tree" and "living with the news"

one-off poem favs...

"the quiet world" by jeffrey mcdaniel is.... ugh. I read it out loud in a zoom poetry night and my professor, the host, just had her hands on her head and her mouth open for a second at the end. someone commented "great gatsby vibes" and I was like yes!! I've been considering getting 2 old-timey telephones tattooed, one on the back of each of my arms, facing each other.

"Party" by Kim Addonizio

"What the dead don't need" by Faith Shearin. This one was like a puzzle or a calculus problem in my brain for weeks... and then I got it. excellent case for believing in the afterlife imo.

"Invisible Fish" by Joy Harjo. America you break my heart!!!! (The author is native american, which may impact how you read the poem.)

"Your night is of lilac" by Mahmoud Darwish.

"The Sciences Sing a Lullaby" by Albert Goldbarth. More effective than melatonin imo

"The Conditional" by Ada Limón. If you like glück I feel like you'll like limón!

"One Art" by Elizabeth Bishop. I didn't react to this poem at all the first time I read it in high school but one of my classmates came in and said it made her cry. The trick is to read the "--" as a breaking voice and to know that this is a villenelle, originally a French type of poem that has a very specific line repetition pattern throughout the stanzas and a traditional focus on sad / disturbing / horror, gothic, grief themes. "Mad Girl's Love Song" by Sylvia Plath is another villenelle. With that context in mind, also pay attention to the increasing severity of loss throughout each stanza, until the ultimate bigger than losing a continent loss happens.

"the saddest poem I have ever written" by debbie milman is incredible.

finally... "come and be my baby" by maya angelou.

#i was culling the list so much lol #i hope this helps!! xx #mango speaks

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

185 of 2022

Who is the most badass woman that you can think of?

One of my friends, Chayenne. I swear I’d have a massive crush on her if I wasn’t into guys.

Do you have a Pinterest account?

I don’t.

If you were to write a book, what would it be about?

Gay androids.

Have you ever seen the television show The Munsters?

I don’t even know what that is.

Would you like to try on one of those indian headdresses?

I don’t think so.

Is your hair long enough to be braided right now?

No, it’s not.

Have you ever written one of those ‘Roses are red…’ valentines?

Omg, no. Such things have been always making me facepalm.

Would you rather witness the Mayans or the Aztecs’ lifestyle?

Both could be interesting.

Would you/have you spent more than $200 on any one person for a holiday?

I think so. We don’t use dollars here, though.

Do you have a favorite Robin Williams movie?

All these moviequestions make me want to delete them, can’t you think of something original for once?

Were you ever afraid of the Boogeyman?

No.

Thoughts on Slender Man? Have you even heard of him?

Yeah, I’ve heard of him and I even know his movie role was played by a man who has Marfan syndrome, just like me.

Did you ever have a Sega Genesis?

I don’t think so.

Have you ever watched Top Gear?

Only by proxy, I mean my husband and my dad watch it.

Do you have a favorite Sunday comic strip?

I’m not sure if we ever had something like this in my country.

If we could walk on clouds, would you want to try it?

Of course, if only it was safe.

Would you rather visit a zoo or a water park?

Rather water park, but no.

Do you know what the Tardis is?

Is there anyone who doesn’t? I’m asking seriously.

Are there any children’s shows that you’d watch today if they were on?

Shaun the Sheep, it never fails to make me laugh.

What would you call yourself the King or Queen of?

Contradiction.

If I paid for you to take karate lessons, would you?

Sure. You pay, I profit. *Dutch way of thinking*

What do you think the world would be a very lonely place without?

Cats.

Would you rather take up playing drums or the ukulele?

Drums, but no. Ukulele is too small for my liking, anything below 7 strings.

Do you have a favorite pair of shoes? If so, describe them.

Why describe if you can take photos?

Would you like to be a master of disguise?

I kind of am, already.

Who is your favorite celebrity of the opposite sex?

Amy Lee of Evanescence, I think.

Does the room you’re in have painted walls or wallpaper?

Paint, I like it better that way.

Would you like to try playing actual Quidditch?

I don’t even know what it is.

Do you read more fiction or non-fiction?

Both equally, I think.

Are you a fan of picture collage walls?

No, they look messy.

What modern technology are you especially grateful for?

Cellphones.

Do you find classical music to be soothing or anything at all?

Depends on what piece, they’re emotional for sure.

If you could visit Halloweentown, would you?

Nah, boring.

How about Narnia?

Better.

If you could greedily take any song off the radio, which would it be?

Dance Monkey by Tones And I, who on earth told her she’s a good singer??

Do you have a favorite Science topic?

Physics, particularly electromagnetic waves, and biology, particularly neurology.

Have you ever read any Sherlock Holmes stories?

No, not really. I don’t like this genre.

What is the saddest movie that you’ve ever seen?

I don’t care about movies.

Is it really over when the fat lady sings?

...seriously, WTF.

Does your whole family get together for any holidays?

Typically for Christmas, but not always.

What is your favorite animal?

Cat. It’s simple.

Elves or dwarfs?

Elves, they are often pretty.

Do you watch any of the Olympic events?

No, I’m not that interested.

If given the chance to be a spectator at the Olympics, would you?

No. It would be boring.

Can you hum the Pink Panther theme song?

Probably, but I don’t care.

[created by: allwrongx - Bzoink]

#survey #q&a survey #random survey

[lochtayboatsong]

The Jesus Christ Superstar essay absolutely no one asked for.

Last weekend, I watched the pro-shot of the 2012 arena tour of Jesus Christ Superstar starring Ben Forster, Tim Minchin, and Melanie C, because it was Easter and it was up on YT for the weekend.  I never managed to do my annual listen-through of Leonard Bernstein’s Mass this year, as is my usual Easter tradition, so I figured “Why not watch/listen to this instead?”  It was my first time seeing and hearing JCS in full, and Y’ALL, it has been living rent-free in my brain ever since.  I have a mighty need to get my thoughts out, so here they are, in chronological order by song.  

1) Prologue: I love the way JCS 2012 makes use of the arena video screen.  The production design and concept clearly took a lot of inspiration from the “Occupy ______” movement, which makes it feel a bit dated now.  But every single production of JCS is a product of its time period, so this is a feature and not a bug.  

2) Heaven On Their Minds: This is a straight-up rock song.  It wouldn’t be out of place on any rock and roll album released between 1970 and 2021, and it boggles my mind that Webber and Rice were both in their early twenties when they wrote it.  Also, the lyric “You’ve begun to matter more than the things you say” hits hard no matter the year.

3) What’s the Buzz: A+ use of the arena screens again, this time bringing in social media to set the tone.  Also, this song establishes right from the outset that Jesus is burnt out and T I R E D by this point in the story.  Seriously, can we just let this man have a nap?

4) Strange Thing Mystifying: Judas publicly calls out Mary and Jesus claps back.  Folx, get you a partner who will defend your honor the way Jesus defends MM in this scene.  Also Jesus loses his shoes and is mostly barefoot for the remainder of the show.

5) Everything’s Alright: Okay, this is one of the songs I have A LOT to say about.  First, it’s important to know that I was a church musician throughout all of my adolescence and into my early adulthood.  The pianist at the services I usually played at was a top-notch jazz pianist, and also my piano teacher for about six years while I as in high school and undergrad.  (Incidentally, I had a HUGE crush on his son, who was/is a jazz saxophonist and clarinetist and also played in the church band, but that’s a story for another day.)  One of the hymns we played a few times a year was called “Sing of the Lord’s Goodness,” which is notable for being in 5/4 time.  Whenever this hymn was on the schedule, it was usually the recessional, or the last song played as the clergy processed out and the congregation got ready to leave, so we were able to have some fun with it.  After a couple verses the piano player and his son would usually morph it into “Take Five,” a famous jazz standard by Dave Brubeck which is also in 5/4 time.  Anyway, the first time I listened to this song in full, it got to Judas’s line “People who are hungry, people who are starving,” and I sat bolt upright and went “HOLY SHIT THIS IS ‘SING OF THE LORD’S GOODNESS/TAKE FIVE.’”  And I was ricocheted back in time to being fourteen and trying to keep up with this father/son duo in a cavernous Catholic church while simultaneously making heart-eyes at the son.  Final note: This is the only song in the musical to feature all three leads (Jesus, Judas, and Mary Magdalene) and is mostly Jesus and MM being soft with each other in between bouts of Jesus and Judas snarling at one another.

6) This Jesus Must Die: I LOVE that all the villains in this production are in tailored suits.  LOVE IT.  Also, Caiaphas and Annas are a comedy duo akin to “the thin guy and the fat guy,” except in this case it’s “the low basso profundo and the high tenor.”  Excellent use of the arena video screen again, this time as CCTV.

7) Hosanna: My background as a church musician strikes back again.  It honestly took me two or three listens to catch it, but then I had another moment of sitting bolt upright and going “HOLY SHIT THIS IS A PSALM.”  Psalms sung in church usually take the form of call-and-response, with a cantor singing the verses and the congregation joining in for the chorus.  If I close my eyes during this song, I have no trouble imagining Jesus as a church cantor singing the verses and then bringing the congregation in for the “Ho-sanna, Hey-sanna” chorus. 

8) Simon Zealotes: This is part “Gloria In Excelsis” and part over-the-top Gospel song.  Honestly it’s not my favorite, but it marks an important mood change in the show.  The end of “Hosanna” is probably Jesus at his happiest in the entire show, and then Simon comes in and sours the mood by trying to tip the triumphant moment into a violent one.  Jesus is not truly happy again from this moment on.

9) Poor Jerusalem: Also not my fave.  It kinda reads like Webber and Rice realized that Jesus didn’t have a solo aria in Act I, so they came up with this.  But it has the distinction of containing the lyric, “To conquer death you only have to die,” which is the biggest overarching theme of the story.

10) Pilate’s Dream: Pontius Pilate might be the most underrated role in this entire show, and I love that this production has him singing this song while being dressed in judge’s robes.  

11) The Temple: The first half of this is one of the campiest numbers in Act I, at least in this production, and it’s awesome.  The second half is one of the saddest, as Jesus tries to heal the sick but finds there are too many of them.  Also the whole scene is almost entirely in 7/8 time, which I think is just cool.

12) I Don’t Know How To Love Him: Mary Magdalene’s big aria, and one of the songs I knew prior to seeing the full-length show.  This production has MM taking off her heavy lipstick and eye makeup onstage, mid-song, which is kind of cool.  Melanie C says in a BTS interview that MM’s makeup is her armor, so this is a Big Symbolic Moment.

13) Damned For All Time: The scene transition into this song is played entirely in pantomime, and I love it.  The solo guitarist gets to be onstage for a bit, A+ use of the video screen again to show Judas on CCTV, etc.  Love it.  And then this song is Judas frantically rationalizing what he’s doing, and what he’s about to do, with Caiphas and Annas just reacting with raised eyebrows and knowing looks.

14) Blood Money: This is where the tone of the show really takes a turn for the dark.  I think this might be one of Tim Minchin’s finest moments as Judas, because his facial expressions and microexpressions throughout this scene speak absolute volumes.  And the offstage chorus quietly singing “Well done Judas” as he picks up the money is a positively chilling way to end Act I.

15) The Last Supper: Act II begins with major “Drink With Me” vibes.  (Except JCS came WAY before Les Miz, so it’s probably more accurate to say that “Drink With Me” has major “The Last Supper” vibes.)  Jesus and Judas have their knock-down, drag-out fight, and it’s honestly heartbreaking, thanks again to Tim Minchin’s facial expressions.  A well-done production of JCS will really convey that Jesus and Judas were once closer than brothers, even though their relationship is at breaking point when Act I begins.

16) Gethsemane: This is Jesus’s major showpiece and one of my faves.  Jesus knows he has less than 24 hours to live, he knows he’s going to suffer, and worst of all, he doesn’t know whether it’s going to be worth it.  It’s an emotional rollercoaster to watch and to perform, and it goes on for ages: something like 6 or 7 minutes.  Fun fact: the famous G5 is not written in the score.  Ian Gillan, who played Jesus on the original concept album, just sang it that way, so most subsequent Jesuses have also done it that way.  Lindsay Ellis has a great supercut of this on YT.  John Legend notably sang the line as written during the 2018 concert.  

17) The Arrest: Judas’s Betrayer’s Kiss is played differently across different productions.  The 2012 version is pretty tame - I’ve seen clips and gifs of other productions, including the 2000 direct-to-video version, where they kiss fully on the mouth and have to be dragged apart by the guards and it is THE MOST TENDER THING.  Then the 7/8 riff from “The Temple” comes back and the 2012 version lets the video screen do its thing again as Jesus is swarmed by reporters.

18) Peter’s Denial: Not much to say about this one, as it’s basically a scene transition.  But it’s a significant moment in the Passion story, so I’m glad they included it.

19) Pilate and Christ: The 2012 production continues with the theme of Caiaphas, Annas, and Pilate all being bougie af, since Pilate intentionally looks like he just came from tennis practice during this scene.  Also he does pilates...hehehe.

20) King Herod’s Song: Tim Minchin says in a BTS interview that JCS works best when Jesus and Judas are played seriously and the rest of the production is allowed to be completely camp and wild and bizarre all around them, and he is bloody well CORRECT about that.  Case in point: King Herod.  There is not a single production of JCS that I know of where Herod is played “straight.”  He’s been played by everyone from Alice Cooper to Jack Black, and everyone puts a different zany spin on him.  In JCS 2012 he’s a chat show host in a red crushed velvet suit, who is clearly having the time of his LIFE. 

21) Could We Start Again Please: This is another of my faves.  Just a quiet moment where MM, Peter, and the disciples try to grapple with the fact that Jesus is arrested and things are going very, very badly.  This is also my favorite Melanie C moment of the 2012 show.  Her grief is very real, and the little moment she has with Peter at the end is very real.

22) Death of Judas: This is basically Tim Minchin screaming for about five minutes, and incredibly harrowing to watch on first viewing.  

23) Trial Before Pilate: Possibly my single favorite scene in the entire 2012 production.  This is another harrowing watch, but there’s so much to take in.  The “set” that the entire show takes place on is essentially just a massive staircase, and the people with power are almost always positioned above the people without power.  In this scene, the crowd shouting “Crucify Him!” is positioned above Pilate, which is a very telling clue to Pilate’s psychology during this scene.  Jesus is at the very bottom of the stairs, of course.  Excellent use of the video screen once again during the 39 Lashes, to show the lash marks building and building until the entire screen is a wash of red.  Pilate’s counting also gets more and more frantic, especially starting around “20.”  And all the while the guitar riff from “Heaven On Their Minds” is playing.  Jesus’s line “Everything is fixed and you can’t change it” is played quite differently in different productions - here it’s defiant, but elsewhere (in JCS 2000 for example) it’s almost tender, like Jesus is absolving Pilate for his part in the trial.  But it always ends the same - with Pilate almost screaming as he passes the sentence and “washes his hands” of the whole sorry business. 

24) Superstar: The most over-the-top number in the show.  Judas, who died two scenes ago, comes back to sing this.  There are soul singers.  There are girls in skimpy angel costumes.  The parkour guys from the prologue are back.  Judas pulls a tambourine out of hammerspace midway through the song.  And Jesus is silently screaming and crying as he gets hoisted onto a lighting beam while all this is going on.

25) The Crucifixion: More of a spoken-word piece than a song, it’s Jesus’s final words on the cross over eerie piano music, and another harrowing watch.

26) John 19:41: An instrumental piece in which Jesus is taken from the cross and carried, at last, to the top of the stairs, before being lowered out of sight as the video screen turns into a memorial wall and everything fades to black.

So.  I know I’m anywhere from three to fifty-one years late to this particular party, but I am on the JCS bandwagon now and I’m thoroughly enjoying myself.  :)

#jesus christ superstar #jcs 2012 #jcs is all i have been thinking about all week sorry not sorry #ben forster #tim minchin #melanie c #andrew lloyd webber #tim rice

[luminescencefics]

you feel like home - part seven

“I know that. And I’m sorry. Just—fuck, Ryan—I need to speak with you. Please.” It’s the waver of his voice that forces Ryan to finally look into his eyes, noticing the way his skin looks taut and the bags underneath are more pronounced now than ever before. The pallor of his face is almost disturbing, and even though Ryan is still upset, the sight of him pleading with her is enough to make her concerned. 

His hand is still grasping her elbow, and when she tears her eyes away from his face and down in the direction of his hand on her body, he gets the hint and drops it, backing away slowly. Her door is ajar and with a silent nod of approval, Harry’s following her into the flat.

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*** When It Goes From Worse to Maybe Okay

In the days that follow, Harry’s never felt so alone. It’s an odd thing to say, considering he’s spent every day with his son the same way he has for the past five years. But there’s something missing this time—something that makes him feel less than part of a whole. The loneliness is deep in his chest now, and the emptiness echoes through his body until he feels a shiver run underneath his skin until he’s nothing but hollow.

He’s never felt so cold in his life. 

The hollowness grows deeper when Harry thinks about how most of this is mainly his fault. Because he has become so in tune with Ryan’s feelings in such a short amount of time, sensing her unease before she even knows she’s started fidgeting in front of him. And maybe that was his problem—he spent most of his time making sure she was okay, and in turn, forgot how to even act in front of her. 

It’s not like he didn’t try to speak to her on more than one occasion. After Ryan left his flat with his tea mug, he couldn’t stop thinking about her. He could barely sleep that night, going back and forth in his mind of whether or not he should just knock on her door and kiss her. And the restlessness didn’t stop—the next morning he heard a crash on the other side of his bedroom wall, and his mind started reeling, wondering if she was on the other end of the abnormally thin plaster. Was she up all night thinking of him, too?

And then when he knocked on her door and she was wearing big glasses and her hair was a messy knot bound together by a flimsy pen and she looked so cozy, he’s not quite sure why he didn’t kiss her then, either. Because he wanted to—it was all he could fucking think about. It was as if his body movements were in sync with his heart, because they moved closer towards her on their own accord without asking his brain for permission, and it was only when he could feel her short spurts of breath on his neck when he realized he could kiss her right then and there if he truly wanted to. But her brown eyes were blown out and her bottom lip was quivering and her hands were shaking, so he backed away. He figured she was uncomfortable and how could he kiss her when he was asking her to watch his kid for a few hours?

He was a blushing mess that entire afternoon. And when he finally had the entire flat to himself and grabbed his guitar, plucking strings and making melodies that faintly sounded like Ryan’s giggles, he never wrote a song faster in his entire life. Harry found himself scribbling dark eyes and olive skin and scraped knees, messy hair and big jumpers and hallways in his leather journal. And when he pieced them together and finally started singing, the song was so obviously about her that he couldn’t even believe it. Has she always subconsciously been in every lyric he’s written since he’s met her?

Harry couldn’t stop thinking about the song until he was standing right in front of her a few hours later, looking into her dark eyes underneath big lenses, her olive-skinned shoulder poking out of her oversized jumper. His heart took over again, and when they prompted his lips to blurt out an invitation for dinner, he couldn’t even be angry with his head for not kicking into gear. He had never been more nervous for a date in his entire life—was it even a date? Did he even say the word date? 

His mind was in overdrive. Harry cleaned his already spotless flat twice over, and when he looked at the clock and saw that he only had thirty minutes until she was knocking on his door, he panicked and jumped into the shower. The entire time he was shampooing his knotted hair, he couldn’t help but wonder if she was panicking, too. Was she staring at herself in the mirror, deciding what shade of lipstick to wear? Did she change her outfit three times? Did she want him as badly as he wanted her?

After changing out of jeans and a corduroy pair of trousers, Harry knew he was fucked. His confidence was slipping, and he almost laughed at how much of a teenager he was being. It felt like he was fourteen again getting ready for his first date—giddy and nervous and practically shaking at the knees. Ryan felt like a lot of firsts for him, if he was being honest with himself. Did he feel like that for her, too? 

God and when he saw her. Her dark hair was falling down her back and the color matched her twinkling eyes, and when he noticed the subtle shade of lipstick she was wearing, it looked as if she had just eaten a perfectly ripened raspberry that stained her pouty lips. He couldn’t stop staring at the tangled gold necklaces around her clavicle—he saw the year 1993, a Greek letter that he assumed was her astrological sign, and a pendant that looked as if it had been on her neck for her entire life. He was fascinated—completely and utterly transfixed with the girl standing in front of him in the hallway.

Kissing her seemed inevitable with the way they were dancing around each other in his kitchen, the way her bare shoulder brushed against his forearm when she leaned over him to grab the rolling pin, the way she looked at him underneath the curtain of her eyelashes when she was on all fours in Jackson’s bedroom. The way she cleaned up without hesitation, the way she seamlessly fit in his living room, the way she flirted with him to the soft sounds of Joni Mitchell playing in the background.

But then he was talking about Rachel and feeling things he hadn’t felt in a long time. Talking about his unearthed hidden emotions he kept buried for five years, and suddenly Ryan was looking at him with the saddest look on her face and he couldn’t bring himself to admit that he was fucking terrified. 

Because she was there and sitting in front of him and it was everything he could have ever wanted—but then she started talking about her parents and her breathing pattern shifted in a way that made Harry nervous. And when her hands started trembling and her cheeks were painted red and she couldn’t bring herself to even look at him, he knew she was panicking, so he grabbed her hand to bring her back to him. To them. To sitting on the couch with their knees touching and being surrounded by the comfort of one another. 

And he wanted to kiss her—so fucking badly that his entire body was shuddering with anticipation. But it didn’t feel right to him, not after he just unloaded his past relationship with Jackson’s mother, not when she just told him about her parent’s divorce, not when she was shaking so hard underneath his hand.

He wanted the moment to be perfect, and for the first time in days, he listened to his head instead of his heart.

But when he saw the look on her face, all downtrodden and blank eyes, he immediately regretted it. And when her hand left his and she ran out of the flat without even putting her shoes on, Harry had never been angrier with himself. 

In trying to find the perfect moment, Harry let the actual one slip right through his fingers. 

And he deserves it, he supposes. Harry’s always been a suffer in silence type of person, and after the way he treated her in his living room, he’s never suffered more. Because being with Ryan, even for the short amount of time he was given, made him feel alive again. She was quirky and different and somehow burrowed herself into his life without even truly knowing it, and when she left, he felt her absence everywhere.

Where Ryan was scared of the unknown, Harry was afraid of reliving it. Afraid of letting somebody into not only his own heart, but also his son’s, only to just leave in the end. He was afraid of needing somebody—because raising a child without much help forces you to become acquainted with the feeling of solitariness. Before he met Ryan, he felt as if he was swimming in an abyssal ocean, floating his way through life. But with one chance meeting, one awkward run-in in their shared hallway, it’s as if he’s come up for air—breathing in all the possibilities of what could be. 

Being alone is scary, but being left is even scarier—and even though he was never in love with Rachel, Harry tried his hardest to make it work because he assumed it was what was expected of him. He never wanted his son to suffer in the end, to feel neglected, to feel not good enough. 

He knows in his heart of hearts that Ryan would never treat him the way Rachel did. But for a split second, his mind went into that dark space. The space that warned him not to let his heart, or more importantly, Jackson’s, fall into the wrong hands. Because giving somebody else that power allows for the pain he shoved deep inside his chest to come back up to the surface, and he isn’t quite sure if he wants to relive it.

But the crippling feeling of regret after he saw Ryan hold back tears in the hallway was enough to make him hate himself just a little bit more.

It wasn’t supposed to happen that way. Harry had been building up the courage ever since he told her he wanted to kiss her when she was in the lift to knock on her door and make it right. He wrote everything down, for fuck’s sake. An entire list of all of the things he had done wrong, of the things he wanted to do to make it better, of the ways she made his heart beat loudly inside of his chest like the bass drum to a rock song. 

But then Rachel shows up at his door unannounced, giving him the worst type of news he could have ever received. 

Without warning, she drops a napalm bomb on his front doorstep, informing Harry that she was offered a job position at her firm’s New York office. Before he could even hear her out, Harry instantly falls into defense mode—closing the door a few inches behind him so that Jackson remains unaware of his mother’s presence, folding his arms over his chest in a lame sort of protective armor, frowning deeply through his dried lips. Because once again, Rachel was choosing herself over her son. And once again, Harry was left to pick up the pieces.

So he tells her this.

“I can’t fucking hear this right now,” Harry whispers harshly, cutting her off just as the words temporary position falls from her lips. He didn’t even acknowledge it, didn’t even comprehend the string of sentences she was trying to explain to him.

“Harry, would you listen to me? I haven’t finished explaining. It’s only for a few—”

“—No! I don’t want to hear another excuse, Rachel! I’m the one that’s left to pick up the pieces whenever you fuck off to go do whatever it is you’re so passionate about. I’m the one that has to tell your son where his mum is. I’m the one who constantly puts Jackson first while he’s second, hell, practically fucking third on your list!” With every locution, he’s watching Rachel grow redder and redder with anger, and he knows it’s because he hasn’t let her get a word in edgewise.

But he isn’t in the mood to speak rationally. He’s had a week from hell, and just when he was about to go and make it better, Rachel had to show up and ruin it with ease. 

“Don’t you fucking dare accuse me of anything without even listening to what I’m trying to say to you! God, Harry you’re so bloody thick sometimes! I’m trying to speak to you like an adult, yeah? Like the way we always said we would talk to each other when we started co-parenting!” Rachel points a long finger into his face, waving it with each stressed syllable that falls out of her rogue-painted lips.

“You have to actually be a parent in order to co-parent, Rachel,” Harry spits out, and the minute he sees Rachel’s stony expression falter, he almost takes it back. 

He watches her take a deep breath, shaking the sadness from her eyes before the harsh expression replaces it. “Are you always going to make me the villain in your story, Harry? We came to the agreement two years ago that Jackson would stay with you while I finished law school. And for the past year, I’ve been doing the best I can, taking Jackson on long weekends so that you can have a break and I can spend time with him. We knew this would only be temporary until I became a practicing solicitor. This job will expedite that—I’m only needed there for six months, and then when I come back, I’ll permanently be in London. I’ll be working lesser hours, I’ll have more flexibility,” she pauses, eyes staring straight into Harry’s. “I can see Jackson for more than one weekend of every month.”

Harry’s head feels as if it’s about to explode, and suddenly he doesn’t want to be reasonable anymore. He wants to be angry. He wants to be upset. He wants to be irrational. 

“Do whatever the fuck you want, Rachel. You’ve been doing it all along.” He knows he’s being unfair, because even though Rachel has always been more selfish than Harry, she’s still a good person. She still tries her best to be a good mum to Jackson even when she’s buried in mountains of paperwork. She still tries to be a good friend to Harry even after all of the shit they’ve been through.

But Harry feels angry with the world, so he decides not to remember these attributes. Instead, he makes her the antagonist in his story—because being angry at her makes him a little less angry at himself. 

And when he sees messy brown waves behind Rachel’s shoulders in the hallway, it’s as if everything happens in slow motion. He watches Jackson run after Ryan, he hardly processes what Rachel says to him from his doorway, he watches Ryan comfort his wailing son with concerned eyes, and before he can even speed up time, Rachel’s yelling at Ryan, and Harry’s not sure how he hears it all over the sound of his heart dropping to the floor with a loud crash. 

Ryan’s gone just as quickly as she came and Harry’s left to pick up the remnants of his and Rachel’s disaster once again—scooping up Jackson with one arm to try and quell his chest-heaving sobs, closing the door on Rachel and telling her he’ll speak to her later, falling into bed with a heavy head and an even heavier heart.

That was three days ago. 

Now he sits in his dark flat, curtains completely drawn, lights still off. The wick from the sandalwood candle on the end table flickers from his position on the couch, the tiny flame creating swirling patterns along the slate grey walls, the crooning sound of Van Morrison from the record player the perfect backdrop for Harry’s dismal mood.

Gemma came to pick Jackson up for a few days after video chatting Harry and noticing the paleness of his face and the purple bruises under his eyes from lack of sleep through the grainy screen of her mobile. Her concern was evident, and after hearing Jackson mumble that daddy’s been sick for a few days (a lie both siblings chose to ignore), he didn’t even fight her when she told him Jackson was going to stay with his cousins for the weekend.

Now that the flat is empty, void of Jackson’s high-pitched laughter and tiny bare feet slapping against the hardwood flooring, the loneliness is practically unbearable to Harry. He can feel it eating away at him, and sitting on his couch listening to Astral Weeks for the third time through isn’t making him feel any better. 

Harry knows he needs to do something about it—because Ryan isn’t sitting in her flat feeling sorry for him, and out of everybody who was hurt by what happened in the hallway three days ago, she deserved it the least. 

Because thinking of her messy hair and big eyes, small hands swallowed by oversized knitted jumpers, pouty lips and red cheeks, small quips of smiles and dulcet giggles, secret tattoos scattered on olive skin—thinking of those things makes the heaviness in his head feel a bit lighter. 

And even if he ruined any hope of them ever having something, he knows she deserves an apology. Because all of this agonizing waiting and tiptoeing around feelings is only making his head spin faster and faster like a brand new top on a granite counter, and Harry can’t bear feeling like this anymore. Not when there’s any inkling of hope left.

Harry remembers hearing the sound of Ryan’s heavy oak door close almost an hour ago, and ever since she moved in practically two months ago, he’s picked up on her habits. He knows that she delegates Friday’s as her food shopping day, and before he even realizes what he’s doing, he opens the curtains and flicks the living room light on, waiting by his front door near the peephole to try and catch brown hair whipping past.

And when he sees it almost fifteen minutes later, he has to blink to make sure he didn’t miss it. But there’s no denying Ryan’s tousled locks, and without hesitation he opens his door, meeting her in the hallway where it all began.

“Ryan,” Harry starts, watching the way she starts shifting her shopping bags into one hand so she can reach for her keys in her jacket pocket with the other, seemingly ignoring him. She’s trying to get out of this conversation with everything in her, and Harry knows this. But he needs to apologize. He needs to talk to her—even if it ends with her slamming her door in his face. “Ryan would you please—”

“—I really don’t think you have the right to ask anything of me right now, Harry.” It’s short, clipped, absolute. She still isn’t making eye contact with him, and Harry feels as if he’s going to burst. Once she allocates her keys it’s as if Harry works in fast motion, grabbing her elbow that isn’t anchored down by shopping bags, practically begging her at this point to just fucking look at him.

“I know that. And I’m sorry. Just—fuck, Ryan—I need to speak with you. Please.” It’s the waver of his voice that forces Ryan to finally look into his eyes, noticing the way his skin looks taut and the bags underneath are more pronounced now than ever before. The pallor of his face is almost disturbing, and even though Ryan is still upset, the sight of him pleading with her is enough to make her concerned. 

His hand is still grasping her elbow, and when she tears her eyes away from his face and down in the direction of his hand on her body, he gets the hint and drops it, backing away slowly. Her door is ajar and with a silent nod of approval, Harry’s following her into the flat. 

Luna, upon noticing a new figure entering the flat, treks over to him happily, rubbing her body against his shins and purring loudly. He crouches down and pets her quickly, watching Ryan settle her bags down on the countertop. When she spins around with her lower back resting on the counter, her arms crossed over her chest defensively, he stands up quickly and rubs at the back of his neck timidly.

“Go on, then.” Her voice has never sounded so distant, and Harry’s suddenly panicking at the thought of her wanting nothing to do with him ever again. Not even for his own selfish reasons, but for Jackson. Because he’d never forgive himself if he ruined things with his son’s new friend due to his own idiocy. 

“I’m sorry. What happened in the hallway was entirely uncalled for. Rachel had no right to speak to you that way, and I should have done more than just stand there and watch it all unravel. You didn’t deserve that.” His voice is scratchy from lack of use, and he begins wringing his hands in front of his waist due to the onslaught of nerves flushing through his system. Suddenly he’s terrified of what Ryan is going to say.

“Yeah, you’re right. I didn’t deserve that.” He feels the knife lodged into his chest start to twist, a pinching gut-wrenching pain shooting through his body. He hates it.

“I know, and I’m so—”

“—You’re sorry. I know,” she cuts him off and he’s left standing there completely unsure. His mouth opens and closes as he tries to formulate something, anything, to get her to stop looking at him like that. 

But before he can find the words, Ryan’s voice carries from her kitchen into Harry’s position in the middle of her living room. “Jackson didn’t deserve that either. And I’m not trying to wedge myself into your lives, because trust me, the message was received loud and clear. But you don’t get to stand there and judge me, psychoanalyze me, just to go off and talk about me to your mates or your ex-girlfriend. You don’t get to voice any other insecurity I have to the people in your life, to put into your songs or whatever the fuck you do with that information. Because you’ve lost that privilege. You’ve lost every and all privileges to get to know me.” Harry flinches, his eyes squeezing shut at the rib-racking pain that echoes through his entire body.

“You’ve lost that privilege when you told your son’s mother that I was the nanny. That I was kind to you with the ulterior motive to fuck you. And even if that were true, you have no right to tell people that. Because I’m fully aware that my social anxiety is crippling at times. I’m fully aware that I’m better off on my own because people intimidate me. I’m fully aware that I’m not the type of girl who ends up with boys like you. And that’s fine. I can live with that. But what I can’t live with is you deciding that on your own, and judging me just because you feel like you can. Because that’s cruel, Harry.”

It’s the most she’s ever said to him without stumbling over words or breaking eye contact. Ryan’s standing strong in front of him, cheeks void of a crimson blush, lips in a straight line. Her hands are still and her feet aren’t shifting and Harry’s never felt worse about himself in his entire life.

Her words crush through his body, bulldozing any inkling of self-guilt and anger. Because suddenly, he’s overwhelmed with the feeling of self-hatred. He want to scream, kick, and punch through every fucking wall because he’s made this woman feel like complete and utter nothingness, and the only person who deserves to feel like that is him. 

He’s fucking heartbroken.  

Before she can send him on his way for the last time, he suddenly finds the words to speak. He needs to fix this, to salvage any inkling of hope between them. Because he’s never thought of her that way, and the fact that she thinks so lowly of him because of the false things Rachel said to her when she was angry gives Harry the push he needs to tell Ryan the truth. 

The whole truth.

“I had no right to make you feel like that, and I’m sorry for that. Truly fucking sorry. But I never, ever, referred to you as Jackson’s nanny. I never spoke a word about you to Rachel or to my mates. If anything, Jackson probably talked about you and Luna with her, because god knows that boy is in love with you. That was just Rachel making presumptions and taking her anger with me out on you, and I’m so sorry she made you feel like that, and I’m even sorrier for not intervening. I would never judge you for being who you are, I just—fuck.” Harry runs an exasperated hand through his messy hair before looking at Ryan, taking a deep breath and inching closer towards her.

“I panicked. Because everything was happening so quickly and for the first time since Jackson was born, I wanted to cradle you against my chest instead of him. And that’s a fucked up thing to admit, because he’s my fucking son and he was crying and he needed me, and all I could think about was how your heart was breaking and I needed to shove that feeling down before it took over. Because it fucking terrifies me.”

There’s a sudden silence between the pair, with nothing but mahogany eyes staring into emerald. Ryan’s aware that in all of her time knowing Harry, he’s never been this open and honest with her. He’s laying all of his cards out on the table, and that revelation alone is enough to make the empty hole in her chest start filling up with each subtle beat of her heart.

Harry takes a tentative step forward, and once he realizes that Ryan isn’t backing away, he takes two more so that he’s standing directly in front of her.

“I’m not used to wanting to be around somebody else besides Jackson. It’s been almost five years, just me and him, and then when you came into the picture, I suddenly wanted to be around you. Every second. Of every fucking day.” When Harry acknowledges that her eyes haven’t diverted to the ground, he can feel the hollowness in his body start to dissipate, the coldness in his veins start to thaw out with each beam of light that radiates off of the girl standing in front of him.

“It scares the shit out of me, Ryan. I’ve never felt this way about anybody before. And I know I messed it all up by not kissing you, and I know I made you feel like I didn’t want you. But I just—I’m so scared of you leaving me, of leaving Jackson. Because no matter how many times I deny it, I’m so fucking scared of being left again. I don’t know if my heart can handle that.”

Ryan nods slowly, processing Harry’s biggest fear being laid out in front of her. She starts to feel bad for him all of a sudden, because maybe she was wrong in thinking that he didn’t want her. Because even though he’s in front of her and he’s here holding his heart in his shaking hands for her to have, part of him is terrified because he can’t only think about himself, he has to think about Jackson, too.

And that’s something Ryan possibly overlooked. Because she’s never been left the way Harry has, she’s never had to put all of her love and care into another human being who looks at her as if she hung all of the stars in the sky, she’s never had to be a parent by herself. 

There’s no rule book for that—no step-by-step instruction manual to describe how difficult that process truly was. And Harry did it because he had to. Because he needed to. Because he wanted to. 

And when she looks at him—really looks at him, at the small wrinkles around his brilliant green eyes that she wants to smooth over with the pad of her thumb, at his curly hair that somehow is still fluffy and tempting to touch, at his dried lips that she still wants to put on her own with everything inside of her—she’s mystified at how he could possibly think that.

How could anybody ever leave him?

With a small smile that somehow makes him feel whole again, she says, “Who said I was leaving you?” 

The weight that lifts from his shoulders practically makes him float through thin air. Harry takes a small step forward, testing the waters ever so slightly to make sure that she doesn’t cower away. And when she stands tall, looking at him as if she never wanted to blink again, he takes two more.

With one final step, he’s toe-to-toe with Ryan, so close that he can see the obsidian specks in her irises, the gold flecks when the light hits them just right, the gentle swoosh of her ebony lashes. He can feel her warm breath fannings against the column of his throat, and suddenly he’s reaching out, wrapping one long finger around a stray tendril of her dark hair.

“You’re wrong about not being good enough for boys like me. You’re wrong about being better off alone. Because I’ve done that, Ryan, and loneliness is shit.” His voice is low and deep, sweet like honey that seeps through her concrete walls. Ryan can feel them breaking apart inch by inch, and when he brings his other hand up to cup the underside of her jaw, she can practically hear them cracking, disintegrating beneath their feet.

“You’re so stupidly made for me, it’s fucking terrifying. And I know that I have Jackson. And I know that’s probably not in your plan. And I know this is going to sound absolutely insane,” with one last breath he leans down, the tip of his nose brushing against hers ever so softly. “But imagining another day without you is nearly impossible.”

Ryan tries her hardest not to gasp at his confession, and before she can conjure up the right words to say, Harry’s mouth is on hers. 

His left hand is cupping her jaw and the right is holding the back of her head gently and suddenly Ryan can feel the empty hole in her chest come back to life—thumping so loudly against her body she’s almost certain Harry can feel it against his own. 

Harry’s practically sweating at the rush of heat that swarms his insides, and when he feels Ryan reach up on the tips of her toes so that her chest is flush against his own and her arms lock around the back of his neck, he almost topples over at the feeling of it all. 

It’s everything and more, and part of him can’t believe that he waited this long to finally feel it—because he could write fucking symphonies about the way her lips feel against his own, the way the little hums in the back of her throat make his spine tingle, the way her fingers weave through the hair on the base of his neck so that she can anchor herself to him completely. The way he’s never felt this way kissing somebody.

The way he never wants to let go.

But they have to at some point, and begrudgingly he lets her go, watching the way she blinks against the apples of his cheeks. The flush that he’s grown to admire is back on her face, but this time it’s from another reason completely, and Harry’s almost positive that this is his favorite version of it yet.

“Should’ve done that a week ago,” Harry mumbles against her lips.

Ryan giggles and Harry’s almost certain he’s in love. “You’ve done it now, that’s all that matters.”

And when he brings his lips back to hers and wraps his arms around her lower back, hoisting her up and spinning her around until he’s swallowing her giggles with his own mouth, he knows that she’s right.

All that matters is them. Right now. Together.

***

A/N: Hi all, that was part seven of you feel like home AKA the penultimate chapter AKA the one that hopefully makes you guys smile instead of cry. I hope it was worth the wait! This was the story I wanted to tell, and I hope this clarified the frustrations we all felt about Harry in part six, as well as our first impressions of Rachel. I never wanted to villainize her, I just wanted to explore the possibility of a mother wanting to put her career first the way so many men have done in the past. I hope I did that justice.

Thanks for all the feedback and love you guys are giving this fic, it makes writing it that much more fun. Part eight will be posted on Thursday December 17, so feel free to chat with me in the meantime and tell me your thoughts! This was a submission for the 1DFF Quarantine Challenge, which has other amazing writers participating as well, so feel free to check out the page! See you next week for the FINAL part, and stay tuned to watch me get emotional during the entire week x

taglist: @stylishmuser @vikki1220 @greatestview @verorax @cronias13 @adoremp3 @ilovegolden @taintedwonder @stepping-into-the-light @onlyphysicallypresent @dontwanttobealone @justsaying20 @elemayox @awomanindeniall @ihearthemcallingforyou @halloweenniall @live-at-the-forum @kakayam @harryinsweatersandbandanas @hopelessly-harry @ficnarry @morethanamelodyy @niallgolden @harryswinterberries @caramello-styles @harrysstyle @greatestview @solllaris​ @niallgolden​ @mellamolayla​

#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fic #harry fic #harry styles x ofc #harry styles x reader #1dff #onedirectionfanfiction #1dffupdates #1dffquarantine

[writingbeary]

Kingdom - Pre-episode

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ATEEZ was seated around a table for a Kingdom shoot for a pre-episode. They weren’t told what they’ll be doing but they figured that it will probably be an interview before the show. Minyoung followed Seonghwa and sat beside him and San, usually she would have sat beside Hongjoong but seeing as the leader was sitting at the edges and near the camera, she opted to sit farther.

“I wonder what we’ll do today.” Minyoung mumbled as she made herself comfortable, leaning on Seonghwa’s shoulder while waiting for the staff to finish setting up.

Seonghwa patted her head smiling “I’m not sure but they said we’ll be watching something.”

“Oh? Were you fired by Minyoung as her pillow?” Wooyoung teased Yunho as he noticed the girl leaning on Seonghwa, making Yunho laugh and play along saying“I wasn’t told I got fired? I demand an explanation. Since when were you planning to hire a replacement?”

“Mhm. Seonghwa-oppa lets me hug him whenever and I feel neglected lately since you have to practice for your drama.” Minyoung put on her saddest acting face, making everyone laugh. It has been a running joke in the group that whenever Minyoung goes to find Yunho it only means one thing: she is sleepy and wants someone to cuddle.

They continued on with their chatter until the production staff asked them to hit the slate, everyone fixing their posture and focusing as the staff explained what they’ll be filming today.

“Top 3 videos? I wonder which videos are included. Would it include San-oppa’s fancam?” Minyoung asked looking to her left at the person in question

“I doubt it. Maybe our debut?” San shrugged

“We’ve done many performances on MCountdown, but <HALA HALA> might be..” Wooyoung started as everyone agreed.

“That’s true. Our fans liked our <HALA HALA> performances and outfits.” Yunho added in agreement

“Or the performance that we’ve done with SF9-sunbaenim?” Hongjoong suggested

Minyoung hummed before talking “Won’t it be our first win stage? Out of all our stages so far, I think they’ll like that one and it’s on MCountdown too.”

[The 3rd highest video of each team is?]

[ATEEZ <Say My Name> 2019.01.17 MCountdown]

“Hongjoong-hyung looks like a baby!” Wooyoung commented as Minyoung giggled nodding.

“Ah. The clothes with fur were so hot.” Yunho laughed remembering how they were all drenched in sweat after every recording

Wooyoung added as pointing towards the video “At that time, all the clothes were so heavy.”

“But Minyoung enjoyed those fur jackets and used them as pillows.” San laughed, teasing the girl

“Ah. That time. I was also filming for the drama and had to go straight from music show recording to drama filming. So I sleep whenever I can.” Minyoung reasoned out

“What are you saying? You still sleep whenever you can now.” at that Minyoung slapped San’s arm lightly pouting but laughed in agreement.

As they watch the whole performance, Jongho commented seeing his part on the screen “This was the first album as soon as Minyoung and I turned 20. We’re still quite a baby. We haven’t even had out graduation yet.” making Yunho and Wooyoung crack up

“You two are still babies. It’s just been two years ago.” Hongjoong piped up, making the two youngest members just laugh at the thought

“I shouldn’t say our concept is cute but...” Yunho started as he laughed seeing how they look on the video, looking real young and dressed in puffy fur coats.

“That stage. It was the first time to feel fire.” Seonghwa pointed out as the fireworks on their performance went out

“The heat sparkled on the head!” Yunho nodded

“Minyoung actually got a bit scared during the rehearsals saying there may be a fire.” Seonghwa chuckled as he felt the girl look at him in disbelief as if betrayed.

“I really thought someone could get hurt! I could feel it on my head and I’m already smaller than everyone.” Minyoung said defending herself. “and it was the first time we had fireworks from above.”

After watching the video, they all talked about the memorable parts of Say My Name promotions sharing some stories with the staff.

“This song was the best in letting everyone know us. Because we kept on saying our name.” Hongjoong concluded as everyone agreed

“Mhm. It repeats in your head when you hear it. Say my name, say my name, say my name~” Minyoung nodded as she sang a bit of the song

“But this is interesting, watching our old videos together.” Seonghwa commented chuckling.

“I wonder what the other two videos are. If this was the first one then maybe we’re completely wrong in our guesses” Hongjoong nodded as he pressed play on the second video.

[The second videos is... ATEEZ <Wonderland> 2019.10.10 MCountdown]

Hongjoong surprised as Wonderland played “<Wonderland>?”

Everyone explaimed in surprise and commenting how long it took to film this performance to achieve the final effect for the show.

“It’s almost like a music video.” Seonghwa commented

“This stage where we had the compass and Minyoung was in the center got viral too. Atiny called it as Alice in Wonderland.” Wooyoung pointed at the screen as he remembered the detail

“Ahh I remember. I remember.” Minyoung nodded and laughing at the memory “My brother also called me to ask why my photos were trending as Alice in Wonderland when I’ve been using my Korean name.”

“One thing I know for sure, after we watched Say My Name...we look better here.” San piped in with others in agreement. They were all satisfied with their stage outfits for Wonderland.

Yeosang who has been quiet throughout the shoot spoke, “Atiny especially loved Minyoung during this comeback.” 

Minyoung tilted her head, wondering “I didn’t really have many lines though, but I did have center position during the last chorus.”

Suddenly Seonghwa’s part played and he immediately commented “The best chorus ever” making both Wooyoung and Minyoung look at him ready to tease him

“It’s the best part because you came out?” Wooyoung laugh teasingly with Seonghwa denying it hurriedly.

Wooyoung continued “You said that as soon as you came out.” then Yunho adding in “He didn’t say that for my part in Verse 1″ having fun teasing their oldest member.

“Wasn’t this the performance where Minyoung cried?” Jongho asked suddenly remembering it when Minyoung’s part in the song came

“Me?” Minyoung looked at him confused

“Ah! It is. As soon as we went down backstage, she was tearing up saying her in-ear fell off during her dance and was worrying if the last part got ruined.” Wooyoung nodded remembering it too

“Ahh. I really thought I ruined the performance. I couldn��t hear myself but since we were recording live, I just continued singing.” Minyoung explained pouting “I was really thinking I’m so screwed and was so nervous when we were monitoring our stage after.” Seonghwa patted the girl’s back as if to give reassurance.

“The thing is <Wonderland> wasn’t out original title song for this album. <Answer> was supposed to be the title song for this album. But everyone agreed to use <Wonderland> instead.” Hongjoong giving some insight on the story behind the song

“I thought <Wonderland> suit better for our full album.” Yunho nodding in agreement

“But if <Wonderland> was our 2nd top video, will Wave even come out?” Minyoung wondered out loud as the check the final video.

[The Top 1 video is... ATEEZ <Wonderland> 2019.10.31 MCountdown]

“Yah. The Halloween version is higher than the original one!” Hongjoong exclaimed laughing

[The youngest team’s top 1 video is Halloween Version <Wonderland>]

“Wonderland even with this concept?” Seonghwa asked curiously as their top 2 video was also Wonderland. “We really worked hard for this performance. We all opened our eyes wide.”

“We just saw the original stage but this is really different.” Hongjoong laughing as the dance break played

“We danced differently as well.” Yunho added in as he danced a bit in his seat “The choreography was changed a bit for this one. Like a zombie on purpose.”

San nodded chuckling as the watch the video “As if we didn’t have any bones”

“I get why people liked this one better than the original.” Minyoung acknowledged as she also finds this performance more interesting particularly after watching both versions back-to-back.

“We can really tell why people watched this one a lot. Like this halloween version, we need to make them watch our stage first to make them know us. So having a hot stage could be one way.” Hongjoong concluded with the others nodding in agreement. “Let’s prepare more stages like this one in the future.”

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ATEEZ Minyoung Masterlist

Disclaimer: This is just a work of fiction. Any portrayal of real people is a combination based on what we could see on cameras and imagination of the author. This is purely fan fiction written for fun. Thank you for understanding.

━━━━━━ʕ ˵• ₒ •˵ ʔ━━━━━━

Writing Beary Corner:

Kingdom episodes incoming! If you haven’t noticed, I’ve been excited to post these and have actually made this even before I wrote the earlier posts lol

-Mimi

10

#kpop scenarios #kpop reactions #ateez 9th member #ateez minyoung #ateez oc #ateez scenarios #ateez au #kpop imagines #park minyoung #writing beary #minyoung masterlist

[bitterbloodrose]

THREE CHEERS FOR SWEET REVENGE

(concept album, it’s about these lovers called the “demolition lovers” and the girl died and the guy kind of makes a deal with the devil and the devils tells him to bring him the corpses of a thousand evil men”)

Helena: it’s about Gerard and Mikey’s grandma who died and Gerard basically says that its this “angry letter to himself” cos he didn’t do enough for her. My favorite part is the bridge into the final chorus and you should also watch the MV its actually Art.

I’m Not Okay (I promise): its very angry and loud cos the narrator is basically saying yeah I know you got problems but fOr FUCKS SAKE I HAVE PROBLEMS TOO YOURE NOT SPECIAL. My favorite bit is the bridge again. Especially the trust me. Watch the MV its designed like a movie trailer.

Cemetery Drive: this is my favorite song on the album and probably one of my favorites of all time cos the LYRICS DUDE “singing songs that make you slit your wrists” and it’s Literally about how the band had to go on this really long road trip I hate this stupid band

Ghost of you: not the BEST song but the MV IS ACTUALLY ART LIKE ITS ACTUAL ART. its just a sad song

Thank You for the Venom: fuck me this is another one of my favorites. This is straight rock right in the veins. The adrenaline will KILL YOU. Apparently this was a diss at the bands critics. The fucking guitar solo makes me ASCEND. Also tHE LYRICS AGAIN.

You Know What They Do to Guys Like Us in Prison: hehehheehhehehe gay sex song. It’s literally about gay sex.

THE BLACK PARADE.

Okay fuck this is genuinely genuinely one of the greatest albums of all time. And I would say this even if I wasn’t such a slut for them. Literally everything is perfect and once again its a concept album. They wrote this in the paramour mansion too lol. I’m not joking this is an ACTUAL masterpiece musically and lyrically cos it deFINED genres. Its about this “patient” who dies and joins the black parade and his story of how he died and everything. You have to listen in chronological order.

The End: basically the dudes dead. He did fuck all with his life and he’s dead. He gives No fucks about peoples opinions. The FUCKING LYRICS IN THIS DUDE. “If you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see you can find out firsthand what its like to be me” “when I grow up I want to be nothing at all”

Dead!: the transition to this makes me actually ascend. Basically about how the dude wasn’t important in his life and did absolutely nothing. I love it cos it takes this perspective instead of the one thats like “oh you’ll always matter”

This is How I Disappear: bloody hell THIS SONG DUDE THE LITTLE DETAILS. Basically about reaching out to a loved one. The BRIDGE IN THIS HOLY FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

The Sharpest Lives: probably one of my favorites on the album. Its basically about living the wild life. The fucking lyrics again. “A light to burn all the empires, so bright the sun is ashamed to rise and be” “the sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead” “so you can leave like the sane abandoned me” FUCK THE GUITAR TOO.

Welcome to the Black Parade: idk how to explain this but say its an anthem. Its the Bohemian Rhapsody for the emos. Brian May himself agrees cos he played this live with them. This fucking song has so many layers fuck. Its about the dude dying but the LYRICS AGAIN. My favorite part is the post chorus and that has my favorite lyrics in it.

I Don’t Love You: its a ballad, and a weird one cos its basically saying you’re a bitch and I hate you. Its a very salty angry song and I love it cos its Not the normal thing to do. The bit where he goes “would you have the GUTS to say” is SO SO SO SO SO ANGRY like you can TELL he HATES her

House of Wolves: another one of my favorites. Another adrenaline buster. Its about the dudes arrival in hell and hes thinking about how he sinned and everything. The LYRICS and the FUCKING GUITARTRRRR makes me wanna BUST A NUT. Basically the band said hell looks like a fiery jazz club with demons and sinners lol.

Cancer: the Sad Song. The one that makes me wanna sob. Its about how the dudes dying and he’s saying goodbye to everyone. The LYRICS AGAINNNN.

Mama: good lord this song. Fuck. Its a masterpiece. I have No Words ar ALL. Its told in the perspective of a soldier who’s gonna die. And fuckkkk dude the lyricsssss and the GUITARTRRRRREDNEJSJJSSJJS FUCK THIS SONG IS SO GOOD god I wish I could hear this again for the first time

Sleep: this album just does Not Miss. its basically about how the dudes resigned to the fact that he is a bad person and nothing he does will ever change that. The words at the beginning are a recording of gerard way from the paramour mansion when he got sleep paralysis and night terrors. Its such a sad sad sad song cos he’s ACCEPTED his fate and at the end you can hear him scream “wake up” but you can BARELY hear it but its THERE and the dude is trying to wake up but he CANT-

Teenagers: this is just so MESSY and BEAUTIFUL it’s literally about how gerard saw a bunch of teenagers and thought they were scary lol. Again the LYRICS AND THE GUITAR SOLOOOOO

Famous Last Words: ah yes. The song that very literally saved my fucking life lol. The lyrics are so fucking powerful fuckkkkkk. Also YET ANOTHER GUITAR SOLO.

DANGER DAYS: THE TRUE LIVES OF THE FABULOUS KILLJOYS.

yet another concept album are we surprised. This ones hard to explain but basically its about this comic gerard wrote set in 2019 (this was released in 2011) and the worlds gone to shit an apocalypse happened and the world being ruled by this tyrannical corporation (sound familiar?) the Killjoys are a gang of rebels who go round being anarchists and rebels basically. Its very topical I think.

Na na na na na: makes me want to burn down the government. And commit arson and kill the rich. The lyrics are literally about that. A whole BANGER

Planetary Go: its a party song about life being too short basically

Destroya: hehehhehehe sex song again. DONT play this out loud. But fr this is another rebellion ANTHEM. Its all about fighting. And its amazing.

Kids from yesterday: makes me wanna cry. It’s about how far the boys have come. Again lyrics “ you only hear the music when you’re heart begins to break”

Vampire Money: this is the funniest fucking song in the world. So basically Stephenie Meyer wrote Twilight with Gerard as Edward cos she was a massive fan. And she asked him to play edward too but he refused and finally she begged them to do the soundtrack but they refused again and instead put out a diss track for twilight lmfaooo i fucking love them.

Desolation Row: its a cover but its better than the og and the music video is my sexuality.

Light Behind Your Eyes: saddest fucking song oh my god it was written to a fan who was dying

[wizardgame100]

3, 5, 12 for the ask game!!

Music asks, personalized list || Accepting

3. Favorite Band / Artist

A lot of the music I listen to is just so everywhere. It's all over the place honestly. My only rule is that the voice has to be distinct. I mean this by like. They don't sound like just some rando pop singer, you KNOW their weirdass voice right off the bat.

And because of that, my favorite would have to be Will Wood and the Tapeworms!

His voice is just so distinct that I can identify him right away. I love the chaos in his songs and how his voice literally ranges s o wide and how it flips within seconds!! It's honestly incredible, I wish my singing voice was like his. I also love darker songs, especially ones with an upbeat tune.

I'll put some favorites under the cut. <3

5. Latest Song That Made You Smile

Easy, "The Chordettes - Lollipop (Symetry Remix)". My girlfriend and I have been listening to various playlists and we found one that's like for FNAF Sundrop and this is the first song on there. She now plays it on repeat lmfao. I'll link it under the cut too!

12. Saddest Song You Know

O o f. Well. I could go for the easiest being "Cancer" but specificially the Twenty One Pilots version. It reminds me of my grandfather who passed away last year. The original version (My Chemical Romance) is super good too but the gentleness of the top version just makes it extra sad imo. Makes for a good cry if you have any context to it personally speaking.

Another sad song, tho much more upbeat just a smidge, is "His Favorite Christmas Story - Captial Lights" which, yes, is a Christmas song, but can be played anytime. It's about a guy who fell in love with a girl at a Christmas party but had to leave before she got her name, so where ever he goes he tells the story of this beautiful girl he never got to see again. It's so good and the ending just a a g h h.

All songs will be linked under the cut. Thank you for the ask, Nonnie!!

Here's the songs!! Let me know if you like 'em!!!

Important: Will Wood songs deal with various dark subjects, tho written in satire.

Suburbia Overture / Greetings from Mary Bell Township! / (Vampire) Culture / Love Me, Normally - Will Wood

(Yes that's all one song)

Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In! - Will Wood

Lollipop (Symetry Remix)

Cancer - Twenty One Pilots (Cover)

Cancer - My Chemical Romance (Original)

His Favorite Christmas Story

#I tried to make it easier to read #I might have failed lmao #ask game #anonymous #thank you for asking!! #video #music #cavetown #henry oak #music asks #twenty one pilots #my chemical romance #capital lights #fave #wizardgame100 #playlist

[officialleotolstoy]

Oh Natasha Brainrot We’re Really In It Now, aka Natasha playlist annotations!

This playlist gives me whiplash cause it goes from the happiest most upbeat songs to the saddest ones ever :( man. Also I reordered the playlist so it made sense but I had already written some of the annotations so it’s out of order, my bad 😔

This Is What Makes Us Girls - Lana Del Ray

“We all look for heaven and we put love first”

This reminds me of the section where she falls in love with Anatole. It has the vibes of throwing away other important things for...I’m not going to call what she had with Anatole love, but you know. Or at least for simple pleasures and fun times. But also it doesn’t end well.

Try Everything - Shakira

“I want to try even though I could fail”

Man sometimes she just Does Things huh. This has a joy of life energy and a bit of impulsivity to it that I feel reflects Natasha pretty well.

Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield

“Live your life with arms open wide”

1) haha sung by someone named Natasha 2) Say what you will about her, but she really does go after what she wants in life and lives it to the fullest she can.

Something That I Want - Grace Potter

“She’s a girl with the best intentions”

Like I said earlier, she wants a lot of things and she has a tendency to go after them regardless of the consequences. It’s also just a happy, upbeat song and I feel like the vibes are correct.

Long Live - for King & Country

“Such a wreck but ain’t love reckless”

This song is like yeah live your life! Make mistakes! Go for it! Which has big Natasha energy

Sing - Pentatonix

“Sing it out as hard as you can”

It’s about singing and being joyful, that’s Natashacore right there

Na Na Na - Pentatonix

“Falling’s only natural, just spread your wings and fly”

This song has very optimistic and excited-about-life energy, which I think matches very well with Natasha. The quoted lyric also shows her willingness to make mistakes in pursuit of happiness.

Absolutely Smitten - dodie

“Handsome stranger you have made her happy - the first in a long time”

I could see this song working with a lot of her romantic entanglements, notably Andrei, but the quoted lyric reminds me of how Pierre was the only one who could really get through to her after the failed elopement.

Dancing’s Not A Crime - Panic! At The Disco

I’m not going to lie to you; there’s a disproportionate amount of songs that are just on here because they’re upbeat and about singing/dancing. This is one of those. I don’t even like this song HJDHSHDH

Do You Wanna Dance? - The Beach Boys

This is also one of those songs! But it gets bonus points for mentioning moonlight.

Dancing Queen - ABBA

“Young and sweet, only seventeen”

This song just has MASSIVE Natasha vibes and if you can’t see it idk what to tell you

Misbehavin’ - Pentatonix

“A million miles away but I’m still thinkin’ ‘bout my baby, ain’t misbehavin’ no you don’t need to worry”

Obviously this mindset doesn’t last, but she is pretty determined to stay faithful to Andrei while he’s gone up until Anatole forcibly kisses her. I am going to roast that man on a spit.

Unsteady - X Ambassadors

“Hold onto me ‘cause I’m a little unsteady”

Post-elopement sadness vibes :(

Sound the Bugle - Bryan Adams

“I’ve got nothing left - just an empty heart”

Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron soundtrack my beloved <3 This is also post-elopement sadness vibes :(

Flowers - Hadestown

“Dreams are sweet until they’re not, men are kind until they aren’t”

Natasha 🤝 Eurydice

An older man took advantage of me because my lover wasn’t there for me when I needed him and now I really regret what I did, feel guilty over it, and miss my lover

Moved by Mercy - Matthew West

“Where do you go when you can’t go back, can’t save the past”

Christian music on the W&P playlist?? It’s more likely than you think. You know that scene where she’s in church and is like omg..spiritual epiphany...maybe my life isn’t a billion percent wasted because Jesus™️... This song is for that scene

King - Lauren Aquilina

“Put all your faults to bed/You can be king again”

This makes me think of her healing after the elopement and the restoration of her self-worth :D

Can’t Go Back - The Crane Wives

“It’s time to learn to be more forgiving of yourself”

This tracks with her moving on from the elopement and forgiving herself for the decisions she made.

Lost Girls - Lindsey Stirling

Mostly the same thing as King and Can’t Go Back.

Silhouettes - Colony House

This song reads to me as being about still finding the beauty in the world after losing a loved one...Andrei my best friend Andrei...I miss you king. This one’s for her after That.

Bones - The Killers

“I don’t really like you, apologetically dressed in the best”

Marynat song time!! I don’t have enough to make a separate playlist for them so I just stuck them on both Marya and Natasha’s playlists. The quoted lyric reminds of the whole “And from the first glance I do not like _____” thing they have going on, but it’s also kind of a love song. It’s not a very strong justification but consider: this song slaps.

What Is This Feeling? - Wicked

“I am going to describe attraction and then say it’s hatred”

I may have paraphrased the lyric a little bit but. Marynat <3. They’re literally like “WOW I hate her so much she’s so PRETTY and NICE. Ew :/“

I Wanna Dance With Somebody - Whitney Houston

“I’ve been in love and lost my senses”

I go back and forth between thinking of this as that scene where she dances the mazurka with Denisov (but only for the dancing vibes, I don’t ship them) and her iconic dance with Andrei. Either way, she’s a dancer so this happened. And that quoted lyric is very Her.

[harknesswife]

It was you all along (Agatha HarknessxFemale reader)

Summary: This is a sweet self-insert love story between Agatha and a Westview citizen. Everything that happens follows the original events of "Wandavision" and MCU, like a parallel.

Chapter: 06/10

Word count: 1.295k

The minute we left the car, she grabbed my arm and dragged me inside a house. I had no time to ask anything, it felt like we were running from something. Or maybe from someone. We went down the stairs skipping a few steps until we reached a dark corridor. I couldn’t see anything but she knew exactly where to go, and I just followed her. Finally, we went through a huge door made of stone, which she closed right after we got inside. She stood there for a while and I walked away, mesmerized.

I’ve never seen that many books before. Several were open in a table that was also made of stone. The room smelled like a thousand candles, and there were all kinds of glass containers on the walls and a few on the floor. The little light that we had in there was all due to some torches that were still lit, and I could see lots of curtains hanging around, maybe separating that room from other spaces. I searched for Agnes, but she wasn’t by the door anymore.

"Ask me", she said, in a calm voice, right by my side. I took a deep breath.

"When I couldn’t move", I said, not looking at her. "Was it you? You did that?"

"Yes."

"That force field. That blast…"

"I know about that as much as you do." She said, walking towards me. "So you have no idea of who I am?"

"I thought I knew.", I said, feeling kinda hurt.

I mean, a few days before, I’d say that I totally knew her. In fact, that I might as well be in love with her. The girl that danced with me on a slippery floor, singing songs and giving me wings.

But now? I had no idea.

She took a few steps on my way. I stood still, not saying a word. All I did was watch her getting closer and closed my eyes.

"I’m not gonna hurt you", she whispered, now holding my face with both of her cold hands. "But I wanna show you."

Everything was purple for a second.

When I opened my eyes, I was alone in a beautiful field. It took me some time to realize that it wasn’t a dream. I heard someone giggling and followed that sound.

Two girls were sitting by a really tall tree, laughing. One of them had pale white skin and a hair so golden that would make the sun jealous, perfectly braided. The other one was, as I presumed, a younger version of Agnes. None of them noticed me.

"Lucia, stop it!", young Agnes said, her cheeks getting bright red while she snorted. "I can’t breathe!"

"I swear it happened just like that, Agatha!", the other girl, which now I knew was named Lucia, kept gesturing with her hand.

“Agatha?” I asked myself, before glancing at the kids in front of me.

They stood there in silence for a moment, before another memory came up. Same field, same tree. Lucia was now holding a red rose in front of... Agatha. She had nothing to give in return, so with a quick gesture, a lily just materialized in her delicate hands. They exchanged their flowers, smiling at each other and walking side by side.

The girls faded just like magic, and suddenly I was somewhere else. A room, filled with books and a small wooden bed. Agatha was asleep, and even knowing that she couldn’t see or hear me, I tried to be as quiet as possible. When she got up, I followed her. Now she was a little bit older, I realized, and was on her way to go outside. We were in some sort of castle, and lots of women passed by us, all nodding and carrying the most peculiar things. We walked through a village really fast, and if it wasn’t inside my head I didn’t know if I’d be able to keep it up. I was pretty sure she had walked this path so many times before. There was the tree again, the only one in the whole field. Lucia was lying under it but in an awfully weird position. Her arms and legs spread as she had just… fallen.

Agatha called her, but she didn’t move. She did it again, her voice breaking. I stood right next to her when she kneeled and noticed a small river of blood lying behind Lucia’s head. Her legs gave out and she fell, tears bursting from her eyes. The sound that came out of her was the saddest thing I have ever heard.

She looked up, fighting the tears off. There was a beautiful white flower on the top of that tree. Lucia must have been trying to reach it when it happened.

Agatha ran back to the castle. She needed help and knew exactly where to go, her heart pounding with despair. She thought about getting inside that forbidden room so many times. Only older and wise witches, like her mother, could access that library. None of the younger girls was allowed to even pass by the door, so she never even tried. But when her hands touched the knob, it simply opened. She got in. Her eyes were wide open when she entered that dark room and all the candles just lit up, leading her way. She was searching for something, anything that would bring her Lucia back. Suddenly she glanced at one of the books. It was glowing. Agatha seemed surprised, but there was no time for that. She grabbed the book and instead of running, she waved both of her hands around her, and just like that, we got into the field again. One last time.

She sat down and, real gentle, placed Lucia’s head on her lap. Agatha tried to open that book, but nothing happened. She tried again, putting some strength into it. Nada. So stupid. How would she, such a younger witch, open a forbidden book?

She looked at her lover’s face, staring at those closed eyes that would never glance at her again. Those cold hands that she'd never be able to hold. A few drops started to fall from the sky, the blue turning into black really fast. It was raining, and she didn’t even realize it. The leaves on the tree just slowly twirled and fell, leaving nothing but twigs. Agatha wasn’t just sad anymore. She was furious. Her eyes locked on the book, the only thing that could save them both. Lucia… and herself. She reached her finger and tried to touch it one more time.

The book opened right in front of her, on a page that had something written in big red letters: “Producat eam”. “Bring them up” she whispered. She held it with one hand, fighting against all the wind around her. With the other, she touched Lucia’s forehead, enchanting the words in an urgent and deep voice.

When out of nowhere a woman approached her.

"AGATHA!", the woman shouted. "Stop that immediately!"

Agatha kept enchanting, her voice getting weaker as if she couldn’t breathe to say another word. Suddenly she was surrounded by lots of people. Lots of women. All of them staring at her with furious eyes. All their hands turned in her direction at once, and she got her own hands around her throat. Her voice was gone.

She mouthed “please” and “mother”, looking down at Lucia with tears in her eyes, but she never had a chance. “Forbidden!”, one of them screamed. “You knew it was forbidden!”

And then I just saw flashes of memories. Agatha begging to be spared, fighting while being dragged to a big torch, promising to be good. Terrified, before the blue light rays became purple.

#agatha harkness #kathryn hahn #agatha harkness fanfic #agatha harkness fanfiction #fanfic #fandom #wandavision #wandavision fanfic #wandavision fanfiction

[authenticcadence18]

For the sending you a character thing could you maybe do Candace Flynn please? :)

Hi anon! And of COURSE!!

Favorite thing about them: I love how relatable she is! Candace being overwhelmed with life and feeling stuck/discouraged and frustrated is just, a big ‘ol mood, especially as I’ve gotten older. “The Universe is Against Me” is very therapeutic to sing for those reasons! I also love the moments when she is genuinely a kind older sister, like in “Dude We’re Getting the Band Back Together” or the end of “Summer Belongs To You.” I also love her friendship with Isabella (especially in the later seasons), it’s just really sweet! Candace helping Isabella out with her crush on Phineas (or just reacting to it in a deadpan way) is so so soooo so great! (Basically big sister Candace. Yes.) Candace is also just, SO FUNNY. Both with her dialogue and physical comedy. She’s a great character. (On a personal note, I also relate to her struggle with not wanting to drive right away! I was the same way, and thinking about Candace made me feel better about my own struggles!) Also her SINGING. YES. I love Ashley Tisdale. ...Ok, now that I’ve said lots of nice things about Candace...onto the next question😅

least favorite thing about them: sometimes Candace is just, very unkind. Like, I KNOW she has her own struggles and I’d never want to invalidate those.....but she is just so MEAN to Phineas and Ferb sometimes for no real reason (particularly in earlier episodes). Like, in the Christmas special for instance, she continuously laughs off Phineas and Ferb’s desire to write letters to Santa (but then USES this idea in a scheme to figure out what gift Jeremy wants, so it’s hypocritical on her part) (EDIT: i wouldn’t change the “letters to Santa??” bit, btw, it’s pretty funny!! but it illustrates my point) and THEN puts the thought in Phineas’s head that he might be the reason all of Danville was deemed naughty, which DEVASTATES him. I think the saddest part is that, 95% of the time, Phineas and Ferb are nothing but kind to her. It makes her occasional spitefulness towards them seem so JARRING. (And again I KNOW she struggles with her own issues and feeling inferior, CATU especially made that apparent, and I get it! But that doesn’t make it okay for her to be mean to her brothers, you know?). Also scenes where she says something nice to Jeremy and then rude to her brothers...idk, it just rubs me the wrong way. (I also dislike it STRONGLY when she is condescending to Isabella. I think this only happens, like, twice...but Isabella is my fave so I’ll never forget, LOL)

Favorite line: oh MAN how do I CHOOSE??? She’s got so many iconic lines. Maybeeee: “It’s SO not fair! I mean why am I still on sock detail when Gladys from accounting got promoted to commander and she doesn’t even know hold to hold a blaster!!! No I mean, really, she failed that part of the exam three times, she held it backwards AND upside down but she’s a second cousin to some mid-level darth and so SHE gets the promotion?? What about ME??? If they would just open their eyes, they’d see that I’ve got everything it takes, I COULD BE THE STORMIEST STORM TROOPER EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!” Oh i also like (in reference to lumpy tables) “it’s the new hip-thing, it’s so European!!!” And also “Though I’ve often thought of you as just a nuisance and a bother, today I can’t imagine havin’ better little brothers!”

BrOTP: Candace and Stacy, 100%!! I love them and their friendship SO much, it really feels genuine (especially as their characters develop more). Their subplot in “Canderemy” is one of my favorite Candace plot lines in the show, it’s so funny and so sweet at the end (and a welcome distraction from a certain OTHER subplot in that episode.....yes I’m still mad about the ending🙃)

OTP: CANDEREMY! I’ll be honest, when I was younger, Canderemy kind of annoyed me because Phinabella was my fave and I always got mad when Candace had better luck with love than Isabella (because Candace was mean and Isabella wasn’t and I identified with Isabella and like, I’m just trying to give y’all a picture of younger me😂). But now that Phinabella is canon and I’ve gotten older, I really, REALLY appreciate Candace and Jeremy. Candace doesn’t have to act a certain way for Jeremy to like her: he likes her just the way she is and actively DISCOURAGES her from changing her identity just to appeal to him more. That’s so refreshing and wonderful to see in media aimed at kids/teens. I love that, for the majority of the show, they’re either “talking” or in a relationship and it’s just, a healthy relationship! No multi-episode arcs about them breaking up, no love triangles, no petty arguments (sometimes the show leans into these tropes for an episode, but that’s it. And it’s always resolved). They genuinely care about one another, and I think it’s really sweet. (Plus a Canderemy wedding is RIFE with possibility for pre-relationship Phinabella moments👀)

nOTP: I don’t have any specific nOTPS for Candace, so I’ll just say I’m fine with any ship between her and someone her age (that she isn’t related to, obviously. AND THAT GOES FOR ALL MY SHIPS. I don’t want to say that on every one of these character posts so like, just know. That is where i stand.)

Random headcanon: Candace and Jeremy adopted Fred. I just think it’s a sweet headcanon 🥺. Alsooooo ok this doesn’t specifically revolve around Candace, but when she and Jeremy got married, Isabella and Phineas were both a part of the wedding party and Candace made SURE they were paired together to walk down the isle💕. And Candace continues collecting Ducky Momo memerobilia well into adulthood!

Unpopular opinion: Candace isn’t a terrible, irredeemable character.....but she’s not a purely amazing character who can do no wrong either. I feel like some fans either despise her fully or love everything about her. I’m in the middle. I see her as a flawed character who was written by numerous people and thus is somewhat inconsistent in her characterization. I like it when she is characterized as kindhearted but easily overwhelmed and longing for validation, so that is how I choose to portray her in my own writing/headcanons.

Song I associate with them: look Candace sings so many FANTASTIC songs in the show that I can’t associate her with any other music. Like I guess Ashley Tisdale’s “Kiss the Girl” because there’s fics of her singing that to Phineas and Isabella and I think that’s adorable? (I know I wrote one of those waaaaaaay back in the day, LOL). But in general, every Candace song is great. “The Universe is Against Me” ESPECIALLY.

favorite picture of them: you know what Y’ALL GET FOUR PICTURES BECAUSE BIG SISTER CANDACE IS THE BEST OK

Thank you so much, anon! As you can see, I’ve got quite a few thoughts on Candace😅. At the end of the day, I think she’s a great character and I relate to her a lot! I had a ton of fun writing all these answers out.

This is the last ask I’m going to answer tonight, but I’m looking forward to answering more tomorrow!!!! 😁

#cadence rambles #Candace Flynn #(I KNOW i say some salty things about her BUT I SAY A LOT OF NICE STUFF TOO. so i think it’s ok to put this in the main tag) #omg i have an ask!! #anon #ask game #character asks #phineas and ferb #long post

[anchorandrope]

i cant believe its been 4 years since ‘harry styles’ came out, i feel like it was yesterday. i still remember my reaction to every song

the first one we listened to was ‘sign of the times’, on april 7. i was fascinated with harry’s voice, the high notes in that song are just wonderful. the music video was a beautiful shock, it was something very different from what i was used to seeing from him (bc of the band), from the first moment i realized that his songs were going to be very sincere

then we heard ‘sweet creature’ on may 2, and i still remember how i screamed when i heard the “two hearts in one home”, the “wherever i go you bring me home” and the “when i run out of road, you bring me home” and all that rope or road situation. i couldnt believe they had allowed him to use the exact same word as louis used to describe their relationship, home♡. also my emotion to see that the only singles were sc and sott made it more than clear that all the love they had (have) to each other never disappeared for a single second not even in the worst moments. the song is so loud that i cant believe antis still exist after it came out

then on may 12 we had the rest of the album

with ‘meet me in the hallway’, i remember how emotional i got with the “i gotta get better, gotta get better and maybe we’ll work it out” bc it was just what i needed to hear

i loved the intro of ‘carolina’, i even repeated it before i listened to the whole song

again, i screamed when ‘two ghosts’ started, the “same lips red same eyes blue same with shirt couple more tattoos” was so AAAAAHHHH OMG and the “i cant touch what i see” hurt a lot and it hurt even more when we knew it was written in 2013. im still waiting to the mv tho

‘only angel’ put me in a good mood, i wanted to sing it out loud even though i didnt know the lyrics. i hadnt paid that much attention to the lyrics but once i did i loved the song so much more

‘kiwi’ was just… wow he really said “oh i think she said im having your baby its none of your bussines” and “in a black dress she’s such an actress”. i listened to it like about 3 times in a row and i thought ‘damn this is loud as fuck, i want to see the excuses that antis make about this one’. the mv blew my mind, the costumes were amazing but i really didnt understand what all that meant. im terrible with metaphors. how lucky that people here on tumblr are intelligent and were able to elaborate hypotheses that seem to be extremely correct

the melody of ‘ever since new york’ is one of my favorites, “choose your words’ cause there’s no antidote for this curse” hurted a lot until i heard “lovin’ is the antidote” in golden

when i thought all the obviously-larry songs were over, ‘woman’ proved me otherwise. the song is soooo obvious and it was even more obvious when he changed the ‘he’ to ‘she’ at a concert. the song for me is one of the catchiest, every time i listen to it for the next few hours my mind doesnt stop saying “woman la la la la la wo-woman” one of my favorites by far

‘from the dining table’ in my opinion is the saddest of the album, “comfortable silence is so overrated” ouch.

the album is one of my favorites, his voice is beautiful, the melodies are so nice and the lyrics are so deep. this album accompanied me in one of the worst years of my life so i have a great emotional attachment to it. it was hard having to hear his voice without the voices of the other boys, but seeing the incredible work he did with the album took me out the saddness of the ‘hiatus’ and made me very excited to listen to everyone’s solo music

anyways, hs1 owns my heart

#sorry for this lmao but i really wanted to write how i felt today :) #4 years of hs1 #harry styles album