#i also like how carol is like. both sympathetic as a character and also a stone cold bitch (<- said lovingly)

[rillette]

i did almost nothing today, have the same thing as yesterday but colored and a bonus hal warmup sketch 

#hal jordan #basketball #green lantern sleepers #i was GOING to sketch some more sleepers pages but then i watched lego batman and redyed my hair green (unrelated to lego batman) so #im not BLONDE anymore thank FUCK i love u hair dye i love you the color green #tomorrow maybe.... #im gunna go pass out now good NIGHT #wait no i want to talk about sleepers some more #its so fucking good guys its really fucking funny and the way hal is characterized is sooooooo perfect #i also like how carol is like. both sympathetic as a character and also a stone cold bitch (<- said lovingly) #i like hal's relationship w alan too i need to actually read alans book when im done with hals lol #the illnii got me </3 (<- started with book 3 instead of 2) #i could not find kyles book on amazon sorry kyle im sure it was great buddy #his characterization for the one chapter he was conscious was also really fucking good #kicking my feet i need to finish it its really good u guys should read sleepers if u get the chance

[victoriadallonfan]

Defining Amy as a "rapist" for mentally altering Victoria non-consensually and then altering her body non-consensually seems extreme. That would mean Rachel "rapes" her dogs. That Victoria herself is a "rapist" when she uses her aura. I think what Amy did is extremely wrong and unforgivable, but calling her a "rapist" is incorrect. And the reading of her as being othered by her nuclear family is a pretty valid reading of her character. It also doesn't excuse what she did, but it does explain it and make her a more sympathetic character. Which is basically what Worm is all about - making "villains" sympathetic. Sure, you can decide that still doesn't make you feel sympathy for her but it doesn't make a person "immoral" if they do. Also, pointing out how she feels like a bad lesbian stereotype doesn't actually place any judgement on her actions or the actions of her victim - just on the writer and text itself.

There's a lot wrong with this Ask, but I choose to believe you are simply forgetting key details and misremembering others, so I will explain why this post is unfortunately incorrect.

Firstly, best to not start off with, "I think what X character did was bad but-" and then follow up with downplaying what the character did, because it sets the tone that you don't actually think what character did was bad. It's a common phrasing used by a lot of rape apologists, nazi dog-whistling, anti-lgtbq+ posts etc etc. Not just in fiction, but RL discussion.

(Spoilers below for Ward and Late-Worm)

Secondly, you quite literally admitted that Amy non-consensually violated Victoria's body, multiple times. She not only made Victoria fall in love with her, not only paralyzed Victoria to operate on her without consent, not only mind-controlled Victoria to use as a puppet, not only kidnapped her (twice), not only kept her as a play toy for 3-4 days...

But she admits to Carol, outright, that she saw Victoria "just lying there" and decided to "use her" for "closure" (aka pleasure), on and off for days, and then fucked with Victoria's memories so Victoria would not remember the details of what Amy did to her (raping her). Which we see of in more detail in Ward, as another mental power unlocked those memories in Victoria's mind.

Note that this was after Amy had already healed Victoria via the fucked-up sarcophagus (that Amy modeled after Victoria's body). Amy just couldn't resist Victoria's unconscious (and probably nude from the acid destroying the costume) body.

Amy raped Victoria several times in Worm, not just in power, but in every way possible. And then she molests Victoria again in Ward by making her love Amy and by kissing her while she's unconscious (and basically psychologically abuses her in arc 14). She also preys on a 14 year old child because she happens to somewhat look like Victoria, both in the hopes of manipulating Victoria to visit said girl (and be forced to thank Amy for "helping" her) and possibly even planning on grooming her into a surrogate Victoria figure.

Amy is rapist. End of discussion.

Thirdly, your use of Bitch's power as a comparison is flawed but still interesting to discuss. For one thing, we know from Brutus interlude that this transformation is not sexual in nature nor does it mentally assault the dog's mind; Brutus compares it to the good feeling of stretching in his limbs, like dogs do all the time. There is nothing said about this power altering their minds.

That being said, what Bitch does with her dogs can indeed be argued to be catalogued as abuse; there has been many a discussion where readers have pointed out that Bitch putting her dogs into these dangerous situations, attacking and crippling people, means that it is more likely for these dogs to be hurt or killed in them defending themselves. Armsmaster outright calls Bitch out on this, funny enough, telling her he doesn't want to keep hurting dogs for their owner's mistakes. One can even argue it's meant to be a dark irony that Bitch spends so much time busting up dog-fighting rings, yet she also constantly puts her dogs in danger.

Fourthly, Victoria's aura: A.) can be resisted just by being stubborn as we see with several characters like Lisa, B.) the idea that she is constantly blasting people with aura is pure fanon, with what we see in Worm and Ward being that she uses it for fights 99% of the time, and C.) the story actively points out that she has to be careful with aura use, and characters in story openly discuss when and when not to use it, or discuss with her how they feel she misused it. To which she often acknowledges them to be correct, tries to adjust herself to do better (with or without success depending on the situation).

It is in fact quite notable that Taylor - when comparing character powers to Heartbreaker (possibly the most well-known rapist in the world) - she compares Regent, Amy, and Gallant. Despite the fact that Taylor never met Gallant and has actively fought Glory Girl, Victoria never once enters her mind as a comparison. Because GG's power is not mind-control or even seen as mind-alteration in the setting; it's treated by those who feel it and fight it as a small obstacle to deal with, rather than anything that feels invasive or sexually exploitative.

That is not to say that they treat her aura use lightly, of course. The two most notable moments are the BBQ and Hard Boil aura use, where the aura is treated as a quite literal symbol of Victoria's PTSD: both times the person (Carol and Hanzo) are actively engaging in behavior that triggers Victoria's trauma (Carol lied to Victoria about Amy being around and make's Victoria paranoid about her being compromised by Amy; Hamza actively victim blames Victoria for not only the death of her boyfriend but also graphically detailing what Amy's molestations of Victoria did to her on live television).

(I also just remembered that Snag forcing Victoria to relive being in the Asylum as the Wretch caused Victoria to go into a screaming PTSD episode that had her blaring the aura as a defense mechanism)

In both these cases, the aura use is treated not as an attempt from Victoria as a means of violating a person's consent for her own pleasure, domination, or objectification of said individual, but rather as a defense mechanism she uses to try and regain mental/emotional footing as her PTSD episode briefly takes control of her actions (we also see this occur with the forcefield re: Valefor, but it occurs far less often). Even then, Carol is actively shocked that Victoria would use her aura like that (implying that Victoria doing so was a surprising faux pau AND also showcasing just how badly Carol fucked up), and Hamza and company are equally upset that Victoria would use her power on them (though Capricorn was quick to point out that this only happened because they triggered her PTSD and the crowd seemed split on blame). Sveta also point blank tells Victoria to not use the aura around her unless it's for emergencies, as it hurts her own power use/body autonomy (which Victoria does respect). In any case, comparing Victoria's aura to Amy is flawed in multiple ways: Victoria never used her power as a means of sexual exploitation, objectifying an individual for her own pleasure, nor as a means to mutilate/molest/aid in the rape of another human being.

Amy actively views and uses her power as a means of violating body autonomy as a means of gaining sexual pleasure, objectifying an individual for her own pleasure, and as a means to mutilate/molest/aid in the rape of another human being, and has done so multiple times throughout the franchise. Even when characters actively tell her that they do not consent to being touch or Amy invading their biology to discuss their sexual/mental health (see; Yamada), Amy instead views it as a means of gaining power over an individual for her own use.

Obviously, enjoying a character who is Evil does not make the reader evil by proxy. I doubt most Darth Vader fans really want to murder elementary school children or strangle pregnant women (though some people do get upset when you point out the Empire is a Fascist Regime, but that's a separate discussion).

Likewise, Amy being one's favorite character does not mean a reader must be a rapist themselves. I myself quite enjoy Amy as a character and have recommended one of the best Amy centric fanfics before (Wound by SprialHelix) on this site.

But there is a difference between liking a character and white-washing them to the point that it becomes victim blaming.

Finally: I have never once voiced an opinion on the "nuclear family" discussion.

The closest I ever came to that discussion was mocking some user for trying to defend Incest as being cool and claiming that Incest Supporters are being targeted unfairly and compared them to the LGTBQ+ defenders.

Which, I must say, is fucking insulting to compare the struggles of the LGTBQ+ to those who want to fuck their children/siblings/parents/cousins etc etc

I hope this clarification helps you understand the point I stand in regard to reminding people that Amy Dallon is a rapist, and how dangerous it can be to fall for those who wish to white-wash her actions in favor of demonizing her rape victim, rather than accept her characters as the actual character she is.

#parahumans #wildbow #ward #ward web serial #worm #victoria dallon #wardblr #antares #glory girl #worm web serial #wormblr #amy dallon #amy lavere #Panacea #Red Queen

[padfootagain]

Scars

Hello! Here comes my first request for my Comeback Event! This request was sent by @themessedupsonata : “Hey, Carole! For your comeback event, could you write a Caspian with the au c and the prompt 6 please? I love your work ❤️”

Prompt c is ‘Soulmate AU!’ and prompt 6 is ‘Enemies to lovers’ (excellent choice, may I add!!).

I hope you like what I’ve written for you for this request! Thank you for sending it!

*****

Pairing: Caspian x reader

Warning: none, a bit of angst and some fluff, Soulmate AU with characters feeling their soulmate’s physical pain and getting their scars on their own body (but there is no depiction of violence in this fic and no character is hurt).

Sum up: Caspian and you need to reach an agreement on this treaty, it is vital for both your kingdoms. The problem is, you are simply unable to get along. Or well… at first, you can’t get along, there is still this strange tension between the two of you though. But it would be ridiculous to act on it, because in this world filled with soulmates, you cannot be meant for each other… right?

Word count: 6075 (it got quite long… sorry?)

You truly are insufferable.

The more Caspian stares at you, the more he wishes he could simply shake some sense into foreign dignitaries’ heads whenever he wants. But he can’t, that would probably lead to a war, and even if his frustration with you seems to have reached new heights this afternoon, he can’t act so carelessly. He loves Narnia too much for that. He merely pictures the scene in his head instead.

He gets it that you are here, in Cair Paravel, to defend the interests of your own country. But he also reckons that you could go about it in a smoother, nicer way.

And you find him pig-headed to no end.

The more you look at him, sitting there in his tall wooden chair, the more you want to slap him. Imprint your fingers in his cheek in red lines. That would feel good. But you can’t, because that would probably lead to a war between your two countries, and you love your kingdom too much to endanger it in such a stupid way. You are too smart to do so. Instead, you simply picture Caspian’s stern face coloured with the traces of your palm across his cheek.

You get it that he is defending the interests of his kingdom, but you reckon that he could handle the situation in a more sympathetic way.

One thing is for sure, he doesn’t like you.

And one thing is for certain, you don’t like him either.

Caspian heaves a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes. He has a headache after hours of discussions on this treaty. It’s almost midnight, the world is full of shadows and starlight now. He wants to get out of this room, walk through the gardens, all the way to the cliff so he can look at the sea shimmering under the moon and smell its salt in the air.

He can’t think properly now, anyway. He’s too tired for that.

“Lady Y/N, I reckon we should take a break for tonight. We all need some sleep. We can resume this meeting tomorrow morning.”

You want to contradict him, just for the sake of it, but the truth is, you’re exhausted as well. You easily yield, the negotiations will resume in the morning. You don’t want him to see that you’re relieved though, so you walk out without showing how tired you truly are.

He annoys you so much. When you walk out, you notice the way he politely waits for you to exit before he would. You hate the fact that he asks you if you want him to accompany you back to your room, that he asks politely if everything is to your liking…

You hate it how polite and perfectly sweet he is despite the fact that your discussions are going nowhere.

You decline his offer to accompany you of course, after three weeks spent in Cair Paravel, you know your way around the castle pretty well.

Once in your bedroom, you heave a relieved sigh as you take off your corset, and slip into some comfortable night gown. And as you change into new clothes, you stare at the scar on your forearm, a white line that runs along the length of your limb. You have about a dozen of these by now. None of them come from your own life.

Your soulmate must be reckless, and you’re not surprised. You’ve always been pretty reckless yourself…

You sit down on the edge of your comfortable bed, brushing your finger along the pale mark. Sometimes, you wonder if he’s still out there. You haven’t had a new scar in a while. You haven’t felt physical pain because of him for over a year. Maybe that last time, the day you got a very nasty scar across your back, he didn’t make it…

You push the thought away. You can feel that he is alive still.

One day… one day you will find him.

You shake yourself out of these thoughts, and get ready to go to bed. You can’t let yourself be distracted by this. You’ll find your soulmate one day, but for now, you must remain focused on this treaty you must create. A lot of work. It worries you enough already.

It worries you so much, actually, that despite your exhaustion you find it impossible to sleep tonight. Thoughts keep bumping into each other in your busy head. Things to do, arguments to try…

You heave a sigh, sitting up in your bed and reaching for a candle to get up. Maybe some fresh air will help you find some rest.

You put on a long coat, open the door of your chamber, and walk into the corridor, your way lightened by the small candle in your hand and the stars shining brightly outside.

Caspian shudders, but he doesn’t walk back inside to fetch a coat. It’s only September, the end of summer and the dawn of autumn. Still, the wind is cold, coming harsh from the sea, salty and wild. Caspian loves it, the strength of the wind as it gets caught in his loose hair, in his large purple shirt. It reminds him of sailing. The feeling of freedom, the rush of adrenaline, the reassuring movement of the sea… He misses it. As he stares at the ocean before him, with soft waves making its surface everchanging, modifying constantly the pattern of the reflected starlight, he misses exploring its secrets, its islands, its wild dreams.

He takes a deep breath, shudders again in the cold. It smells of salt, seaweed and a little bit of the last roses still blooming in the gardens behind him.

It’s quiet. Only the distant murmur of the sea coming and going, running away and then crashing again against rocks and sand. It’s quiet. Almost still. He hears the branches of the trees behind him as well, as they swing gently in the summer air. Leaves whisper, and if Lucy was there, maybe she would understand them. The thought makes him smile. He misses her. He misses all of them tonight…

He jumps as he suddenly feels a sharp pain in his toe. He winces, looks down at his leather boot. But nothing has bumped into his foot. It’s his soulmate again. She keeps on bumping into things, he has stopped counting the bruises that have appeared across his skin because of her along the years. A tender smile forms on his lips. She must be clumsy.

One day he’ll find her. One day, he’ll see her and he’ll know right away. He is certain of it. He’ll feel that she’s the one the second he sees her. He’ll find her one day.

But for now, he doesn’t have time to look for her. For now, he has this treaty to establish and to sign. It’s more important, Narnia depends on it. And Narnia always comes first…

The pain in his toe subsides. One day, he’ll find her…

He notices then that a new sound has appeared. Distant still, muffled, but still there. Caspian listens carefully.

Footsteps…

“Is anyone there?” he asks, his voice loud but still warm.

The footsteps stop, seem to hesitate, and then resume, this time heading in Caspian’s direction.

Caspian surprised when he sees you appear at the end of the path where he now stands. He greets you with a polite yet forced smile, and you do the same. But it would be inappropriate to turn back, so you join him, determined to merely respect the etiquette, and then to be on your way again.

“Lady Y/N, it is a surprise to see you here so late at night. Is everything alright?”

“Yes, your Majesty,” you nod, forcing your polite smile to remain on your lips. “I was merely not tired enough to fall asleep. What about you?”

He smiles, his gesture more genuine this time.

“I reckon that the same subject that kept you up tonight is also the cause of my own unrest.”

“I see… This treaty is a lot work, indeed.”

“It is.”

An uncomfortable silence settles between the two of you, and you look away. Instead of staring at Caspian’s features - that are partly hidden because of the darkness of the night - you settle your gaze on the infinite sea. You grow calmer instantly. And the king by your side seems to notice it.

“This is my favourite view of the sea,” he says in a quiet voice, unwilling to disturb the peaceful expression that has grown across your face.

“It’s beautiful. And… quiet.”

“The ocean can be very soothing.”

“Is it the reason why you are here so late at night?”

Caspian nods, his eyes set on the flicking light of the moon upon the changing waters.

“I come here whenever I need to think. It helps me calm down and focus.”

You understand why he would do that. It is peaceful indeed. The regular sound lulls you, makes you feel calmer than you have felt for weeks, months even.

The silence that settles now between the two of you is more comfortable than you expected it to be. You feel relaxed, and you reckon it is the first time since your arrival at Cair Paravel that you feel so calm in Caspian’s presence. Maybe that’s why you speak again; you’re not sure why though.

“I had never seen the sea before coming here.”

Caspian turns to you again, a slight frown across his brow.

“If you wish, I could show you some beautiful spots.”

“Do you not think that we are too busy for sightseeing?”

Caspian shrugged.

“Maybe it would do us good, actually. We have been fighting against each other for three weeks now, a truce could help us settle on an agreement.”

“I would hardly say that we have been fighting,” you argued.

“Constantly arguing then,” he laughs.

“We are defending different sides.”

“You are a little harsh sometimes.”

“And you are too stubborn.”

The two of you stared at each other for a moment, with the sound of moving branches and waves crashing upon the sand as a background. It painted a scene filled with the patience you sometimes lacked around him. It filled all the space with the moderation Caspian sometimes abandoned when you were around.

You thought to have crossed a line, he was King, after all. But Caspian smiled instead of being angry. A bright, genuine smile that you recognized despite the darkness that surrounded you here, at the top of the cliff. You offered him the same gesture.

“I shall try to be more open-minded, then,” Caspian said after a short silence.

“And perhaps I could try to be calmer.”

“I truly want our two countries to build an alliance. One that would guarantee peace between our kingdoms for the years to come.”

“This is what I want to achieve as well.”

“We have the same goal, we should be able to settle on an agreement.”

“I hope so. The future of our peoples depends on it.”

Caspian nods, but he offers you a smile again nonetheless.

“If you agree, I would like to show you around tomorrow. We can go to the beach, I know a few places you should enjoy, the views are particularly beautiful. We can continue our work on the treaty the day after. Perhaps… if we spend a little time together, we would be able to work together in a more efficient way.”

You nod, quite unsure about this proposition, but you don’t dare refuse. He’s King, after all.

“Very well. Then, I should go back to bed, and try to get some sleep for tomorrow.”

Caspian bows his head, and you walk back to your bedroom, quite puzzled by your exchange with the king.

What does this new behaviour from the king mean?

You keep on thinking about this strange proposal of his to spend the day with you. Alone, apparently. Just the two of you. The mere thought to be alone with him for several hours makes you nervous, because he is king, but for another reason as well, one you can’t seem to fully fathom just yet…

You reach your bedroom again, set the candle you carried with you on your table, it has died long before; when you walked out of the castle and into the garden it was blown out by the wind.

You take off your coat, your shoes, and in the silver light of the moon coming in through your window, you notice that your toe has reddened. You have hit it in a rather big rock set in the gardens.

You heave a sigh, shaking your head at yourself. You can be so clumsy sometimes…

You reckon this will leave a bruise.

You love the smell of the sea.

Salty and fresh and dangerous. Seashells crack under your feet with each step you take. There are so many of them. You’ve picked a couple, the prettiest one, you hold them in your palm now. Fragile. Colourful. Tiny treasures you mean to keep forever.

You’re surprised, really. Caspian is charming. You’re used to being mad at him, to being annoyed by him. But now… now he’s walking by your side, your arms locked together, and he talks about Narnia and the things he loves, and you find his voice soothing and warm. You could listen to it all day long.

What is happening to you?

You laugh at one of his remarks, and he can’t help but smile at the sound. Maybe, just maybe, you are not as insufferable as he thought you were…

You let him guide you along the beach. It’s quiet under the tall cliffs, no one in sight but the clear blue sky, the turquoise sea, the golden rocks and the white sand. Just you and Caspian and the beautiful landscape. Back and forth of the waves. You like it this way.

Caspian is guiding you towards one of his favourite spots, a lagoon in which coral has been growing for centuries. Undisturbed, it covers the shallow sea with hundreds of shapes, colours and fish.

You can’t refrain a gasp at the sight of so many colours. The water is almost transparent, only slightly tainted in blue. You follow Caspian as he climbs on top of a rock at the foot of the cliff above you, and you sit down together on the edge, staring down at the incredible sight. You stare at the fish that swim and hide among the coral reef.

“It’s beautiful,” you whisper with a grin.

Caspian stares at you, a satisfied smile on his lips. And he reckons that… you’re quite a sight to see…

He looks away, blushing slightly.

“I’m glad you enjoy it.”

“How did you find this place?”

“I love sailing. I’ve explored most of the Narnian coast.”

“Are you not afraid? When you go sailing?”

“Of the sea? No. I like how wild it can be. I find it reassuring.”

“Really?” you ask with a frown.

But Caspian nods, and gives you an amused smile.

“It’s soothing. The waves, the peaceful sounds. When I’m at sea, I’m not really a king anymore. I depend on the elements around me, and no one can ask me to control any of it. It’s reassuring, to know that for once, you are not the only one responsible for what happens next.”

You stare at him, puzzled by his response. He keeps on surprising you.

“Duties can be a heavy load to carry,” you answer, but your voice comes out as a breath, and it makes Caspian look at you again.

“Indeed… most of the time.”

“Your people seems satisfied though. Most seem happy here.”

“I hope so.”

“What about you? Are you happy?”

Caspian smiles.

“What a personal question!”

“You are not forced to answer it.”

The king takes a second to think about it, ponder your question, weigh his response.

But eventually, he answers with an earnest smile.

“I reckon that I am as happy as I can be in my current situation.”

“What an elusive answer,” you tease him, and he chuckles.

“There are people whom I miss,” he goes on. “I am worried about Narnia. About your kingdom. About the future. About the past. I am worried about many things. But I have friends who help me, I cannot ask for more.”

He takes a long, deep breath, takes in the taste of the salty air.

“What about you, my lady? Are you happy?”

It is your time to hesitate. You have not planned for the conversation to turn out so personal, but when you look into his eyes, you can’t look away. You can’t remain silent. Instead, you want to confess everything to him.

“I think that I am… as happy as I can be in my current situation.”

You exchange a smile.

“Are you homesick?” he asks in a quiet tone, as if to not scare you away.

You shrug.

“Not really. But I am worried about this treaty. I am worried about your kingdom. I am worried about mine. I am worried about my soulmate too.”

Caspian frowns ever so slightly, but doesn’t stop you when you continue.

“I haven’t had any sign in over a year. I’m scared he might be gone already.”

“I am sorry to hear that. I hope he is still alive and well, that you will find him soon.”

You give him a grateful smile; you can hear in his voice that he means it.

“What about you? Have you found your soulmate?”

But Caspian shakes his head.

“Not yet. I have not had the time to look for her. I know she is alive though. She seems clumsy. I have so many bruises…”

You both laugh.

“Mine seems reckless,” you tell him, a fond smile on your lips. “He has some nasty scars.”

“A soldier?”

“Probably, yes. I suppose so.”

“Have you been looking for him?”

“Not really. No time for that. I have a treaty to prepare instead.”

Caspian smiles fondly at you, before setting his gaze on the sea again. It’s infinite, it would seem. From here, it looks never-ending…

“I hope we find them, eventually.”

Something has shifted since that afternoon with Caspian, and you don’t like it.

Or rather… you do like it. And you hate the fact that you enjoy it.

There is a pull towards him now. An external force that seems to guide your gaze in his direction all the time.

Maybe it’s because you’ve spent a lot of time with him that day. You’ve spent a long time talking together while sitting on this giant rock, looking at the ocean. And you enjoyed that moment, you genuinely did. Caspian was kind, gentle… a side of him you had not witnessed before.

Is it the reason why you keep on staring at him now? Why you notice the way his messy bun leaves a few strands of dark hair escape? Why you keep on thinking that you love how dark his eyes look, so black you can’t see where the pupil ends and the iris begins…

You hate the fact that you can feel that you have started liking him.

Because you would be lying if you pretended that you do not find him attractive. Caspian is truly handsome. And you hate yourself for thinking that way, but you can feel that you are attracted to him now. Which is the last thing that you need, because a) he is the king of Narnia and you are a foreign representative with a treaty to defend; b) you have an awful lot of work to do, and you cannot let yourself be distracted; and c) Caspian is not your soulmate, and it would be ridiculous to endanger your work and your reputation for a fling, no matter how kind and handsome the man can be.

Of course, you know that Caspian is not your soulmate. How could he be? He is a King, and you are not a princess. Besides, you reckon that you would have felt it. You would have known, at first sight, as soon as your eyes would have landed onto his frame. You would have known that he was your soulmate. And you did find him attractive when you first met him, but nothing more. And then you got annoyed at him, angry even and…

And even now, despite this afternoon spent together, during which you grew closer, there are moments when you get so frustrated with him…

Right now, for example.

You are tired, it’s late. You’re hungry, but this meeting seems never-ending.

And you’re tired. You’re tired of arguing, of discussing, of convincing him…

And the more frustrated you become, the more you feel attracted to him. Desperately so. And that is not a good thing at all.

You cannot have this kind of thoughts. The kind that makes your heart quicken as you lose yourself in his dark eyes. The kind that makes you wonder what it would feel like to run your fingers through his hair. The kind that makes you want to taste his lips…

You look away in a hurry. It must be the frustration, the tiredness… the exhaustion even. You are not yourself. Absolutely not yourself.

Caspian loosens his collar, before popping open a button of his purple shirt, and you can’t help it when your eyes linger on the spot that is now revealed to your gaze, the patch of pinkish skin under his neck…

You turn away, trying to focus on his words again, but you get lulled by his deep, warm voice…

You shake yourself. What is wrong with you?

“Lady Y/N?”

You look up at him when he speaks your name. He’s frowning. The three advisors who are also in the room are also staring at you now.

“Is everything fine?”

You nod, but quickly heave a sigh.

“I apologize your highness, but… it is very late. I reckon that I am too tired to focus.”

Yes, that is good excuse…

Caspian nods, glancing at the inky sky on the other side of the window.

“Indeed, it is quite late. We should eat something, before going to bed.”

“I am not very hungry…”

“But you must eat something…”

But you refuse again, and this time, he doesn’t insist.

“Well, then… I bid you good night. We will resume tomorrow morning.”

You notice the dark circles under his eyes. He seems just as tired as you are. You catch yourself wishing that he could get some rest.

You must remain professional. You cannot let yourself develop some kind of crush on him. Because, as you keep on repeating yourself as you get up and walk to the door, this can only be temporary. This… tension you suddenly feel… This is only temporary. Caspian is not your soulmate…

“Lady Y/N?”

You turn around, your hand on the doorknob.

“May I have a word? It will be just a minute.”

You merely nod at the king, and move to the side to let the advisors exit the room in silence.

You’re alone with Caspian now, the door closed again, and you stare at him with expecting eyes, wondering what he wants.

And Caspian finds it a little harder to breathe.

Actually… actually a lot harder.

And he hates himself for it. He hates himself for the way his heart is beating faster at the thought of the two of you being alone.

He hates himself for wondering how soft your skin could feel under his fingertips…

He clears his throat, trying to hide his blushing cheeks.

“I just wanted to make sure that you were fine. You seemed… distracted today. Actually… you’ve seemed distracted these past few days.”

You shy away a little, looking down at your feet.

“Is… is there something I can do to make you feel better?”

His voice is gentle, caring even. It makes you look up at him, and you offer him a reassuring smile.

“No, I am perfectly fine. Simply tired. But thank you, your Majesty. It is very kind of you to worry about me this way.”

“Is it… Are you uncomfortable? Have I made you uncomfortable?”

“No, of course not, your Majesty.”

“You… you seem different since… since that day we have spent together. I’ve been wondering if I had done anything that could have offended you or… I don’t know. We spoke of very personal things that day, maybe… maybe too personal…”

“No, I… You have done nothing wrong. Really. I… I very much enjoyed that afternoon we spent together.”

“I did as well.”

He sees you biting your lower lip, and Caspian’s heart jumps against his ribcage. He can’t help but stare, it takes everything in him to look away from your lips again.

He cannot afford to be like this. To feel so… attracted to you. It must be fatigue. It must exhaustion and frustration towards the treaty, towards you…

You are not his soulmate. He must remember that. It would lead nowhere. And there are enough tensions with your kingdom as it is, there is no need to add a scandal.

“I am simply very tired and… I will try to be more focused tomorrow,” you add.

Caspian slowly nods. He wishes he could simply walk over to you and…

No. No, better not think about that…

“Then, good night, my lady.”

“Good night, your Majesty.”

You run away more than you walk out of the room. You barely breathe at all until you are finally alone in your chamber. You let out a trembling breath.

All of this is getting out of hand…

Caspian is not certain when the conversation got so out of hand.

You are alone together in the corridor. It is late in the afternoon, the negotiations for today are over. You are tired, have a headache, and are famished.

Caspian decided to walk you back to your chamber to finish the conversation you had started. There is no one in the corridor but the two of you, and you are grateful for it. Because the debate is turning into an argument, and it is better if no one is here to bear witness…

It has started with a detail in the treaty. It is slowly drifting to things much more personal…

And you hate it. You hate it because you know that Caspian is kind. But you are so frustrated with him and his stubbornness and his bloody principles and his adorable frown, and his locks of dark hair that call for your fingers and his lips that keep on making you wonder how they taste like and…

You can’t think, you can only get angrier.

“I apologize if his Majesty finds the world unfair. Unfortunately, it has been so since… forever.”

“It is no reason to give up on the idea of improving it.”

“I am here to defend the interest of my nation, not yours.”

“But the interests of your nation should not be limited to destroying Narnia’s interests.”

“That is not what I am doing, and you know it.”

“Do I?”

“Of course, you do. If I simply wanted to make a stand against Narnia, I would have walked away a long time ago and let you deal with a war.”

“Is that a threat?”

“A threat? No. A simple fact. A reminder, perhaps.”

You have reached the door of your chamber, but this conversation is far from over. So, you remain both standing there, in the middle of the empty corridor, your voices raising more and more.

“I do not like your tone,” Caspian warns you, taking a step closer to you.

He doesn’t like it, indeed. He doesn’t like your stare either, the way your breathing has visibly quickened with anger, the way you frown at him, the way you look slightly dishevelled after a long day, the way he wants to run his fingers through your hair, the way he wants to make you shut up with his own lips…

“I do not like yours either, your Majesty.”

“I will not accept this kind of behaviour in Cair Paravel.”

“Perhaps his Majesty should learn that we do not always get what we want.”

“Oh, I know. Thank you for the lesson.”

His sarcasm breaks the lasts bit of patience still stored inside you. It’s your turn to take a step towards him.

And by Aslan’s name, you want to slap him. Or kiss him. You haven’t settled on that yet.

“If you were not a king…” you breathe, anger making your voice tremble.

Caspian takes a last step towards you, bringing you so close together that your chests are almost touching.

“What would you do? Insult me? I reckon you already have. So, what now?”

You stare at each other for a moment. You are unbelievably close. So much so that, as you look up at him, you can feel the warm air escaping from his lungs as it fans over your face…

You glance down at his lips, and when you look up again, you catch him looking down at your mouth too.

Both of you are barely breathing, and it’s not only due to your anger or frustration.

You are standing so close, you are almost touching.

Almost… Caspian keeps imagining it. The way your lips would feel against his, taste on his tongue, his hand in your hair…

And you are so frustrating, he wants to make you shut up…

By Aslan’s name, he wants to kiss you so badly…

He’s been thinking about it for days. He’s been dreaming about you, and thinking of you every waking moment, and he simply cannot take it anymore…

When you open your mouth to fight back, you get shushed by a pair of soft lips pressed against yours.

Caspian has taken your face in both his hands in an instant, on impulse, before pulling you gently towards him so he could kiss you.

He crashes his lips against yours, but he waits a second before moving his mouth over yours. What was vivid at first becomes gentle as Caspian loosens his hold on your face, starts grazing his lips over yours before kissing you gently, softly…

When you kiss him back though, he kisses you harder again, and you love it. Every second of it. You reckon that your heart is going to explode, your knees are about to give out, but you don’t care. All there is to care about is that Caspian is kissing you. Again, and again, and again…

You never want this to end.

But all things must end.

When he pulls away, slowly, your fingers are lost in his hair; his bun already messy before has now disappeared altogether under your touch.

He stares at you, both of you out of breath. You look fragile, all of a sudden. All traces of anger have disappeared from your features, you merely stare with your beautiful eyes, wondering what he will do next.

And Caspian seems to fully realize what he has done now…

He lets go of you completely, in a rush, almost pushing you away.

He takes a couple of steps back.

“This… I am so sorry, my lady,” he whispers, his eyes round in horror, and cheeks reddened by shame.

“No… there is no need to be sorry for, I…”

“Of course, there is a need to be sorry. I should have never had done that…”

You nod, slowly, but you don’t seem happy about it.

“I accept your apology,” you answer in a neutral tone, trying to calm yourself and ignore the way your heart is breaking when it shouldn’t.

Caspian nods, slowly, clenching his jaw.

Why does it hurt to hear you push him away like this?

“You should… go to bed now.”

Caspian turned on his heels, and he has already crossed half of the corridor when you call him. He freezes.

“Caspian!”

It’s the first time you call him by his name. He closes his eyes. He likes how his name sounds on your tongue…

“Wait, please.”

He turns towards you again, but doesn’t move.

“I think… I think we should discuss this.”

“Don’t you think we have spent enough time discussing for one day?”

“Something has just transpired between us. We cannot merely ignore it.”

Slowly, almost reluctantly, Caspian walks back to you, while you wait for him, motionless in front of the door to your chamber.

“There is nothing to discuss,” Caspian says. “I should not have acted like this. It was out of line. I apologize.”

“Why did you kiss me?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does.”

“It would be a waste of time. A waste of pain. You could be fired, or worse…”

“Why did you kiss me?”

You wore this stubborn look again, and Caspian loved it. He loved the way you spoke your mind too often, the way you were a little rough sometimes. He loved it all…

“Why did you do this?” you ask once more.

Caspian is lost in your eyes. Too much so to refuse anything from you…

“Because I’ve wanted to do so for a while,” he answers, maybe a little too earnestly.

You struggle to swallow, your heart pounding.

“What if… what if I’ve been wanting this for a while too?” you ask in a shy breath.

“It’s madness…”

But this time, it’s your turn to shush him by crashing your lips against his.

And this time, the kiss gets more heated. So much so that Caspian takes two steps forward to press your body against the wooden door that stands behind you.

But clumsy as you are, you hit your head quite hard against the surface, and have to break the kiss with a loud ouch, rubbing the back of your head.

What you did not expect though, was for Caspian to do exactly the same.

You see him wincing, rubbing at his painful skull. When he looks up at you, he freezes.

You both understand at the same time.

None of you can breathe. If you were both in pain at the same time, then…

Slowly, you pull up the sleeve of your left arm, revealing one long scar across the inside of your forearm.

Caspian swallows hard, before doing the same.

He has the same mark on his skin.

“I have twelve scars from fighting on the battlefield,” Caspian speaks slowly. “The last time I was injured was over a year ago.”

You nod, unable to speak for a while. When your voice comes back, it’s a mere whisper.

“I have twelve as well. The last one appeared across my back.”

Caspian can’t help the grin that forms on his features as he raises his hand towards your cheek, relinquishing in the feeling of your soft skin against his calloused fingers.

“You… You’re my soulmate,” he whispers, and his tone is not really one of questioning, but rather of realisation.

“It would seem so…”

You both chuckle, unable to fully comprehend what is happening.

Caspian is about to speak when you pinch him hard on the shoulder.

But you feel the same sharp pain across your flesh…

“It’s really you…” you breathe, tears blurring your vision.

“It is,” Caspian nods.

You cup his cheeks in your palms, brushing your thumbs across his short beard, and he leans closer into your gentle touch.

“I was so worried,” you breath. “I thought you were gone…”

But Caspian shakes his head.

“I’m right here. Have always been.”

You rush into his arms, and let him hold you close.

“What will happen now?” you ask softly, breathing in deeply his scent of firewood and soap.

“I am not sure. But if you are my soulmate then… it changes everything.”

But you shake your head, looking up at him.

“No politics anymore. Not now.”

“I agree.”

“Kiss me again?”

Caspian can’t help but chuckle, and you soon join him.

But he brushes his fingertips down your cheek, and then along your jaw, making your heart explode…

“That can be arranged,” he smiles.

And he doesn’t know what will happen with your government. He doesn’t know what will happen with this treaty. But he doesn’t care.

As he kisses you once more, he figures out that he cares about nothing else but you. And it’s enough.

#caspian #caspian x you #caspian x y/n #caspian x reader #caspian fanfic #caspian fanfiction #caspian x #narnia #narnia fanfiction #narnia fanfic #narnia imagine #comeback event #event #fic #fanfiction #fanfic #writing

[surpriseroundtellyourfriends]

RED STITCH LOVERS... REPORT!!!

(Thoughts on the finale below! NOT spoiler-free!)

What a fantastic finish cap to a fantastic show. You may have seen me complain about the endings to the other arcs before, but you won't see me complaining about this one. We wrapped up just about every loose thread (no pun intended), and those left dangling seem to be saved for the afterparty.

Notable highlights:

THE ISABELLE AND IAN SIBLING MOMENT... I was so happy multiple people drew it; I want to animatic it. I cheered so fuckin loud, tbh. Ian IS the shitty older brother, and Isabelle is his darling twin sister who will keep him in line, and together they will murder their Uncle Hunterpalm <3

(I am specifically referring to him comforting and teasing her while she cried into his shoulder but ALSO, what is more sibling-coded than planning how to commit a murder and hide the body together?)

Unexpectedly delightful dynamic between Cadmus and Hutch. This whole time, Cadmus has been the only party member who really HATES Hutch with a vitriol, and the animosity with Cadmus trying to steal a buff from him (albeit while saving his life) was just so good. And then Hutch using his overclass to full-restore Cadmus (WHO FINALLY GOT TO NOT DIE DURING A FIGHT) and offering to help get revenge on Vice afterwards? Really good stuff.

(And like, we NEEDED that confirmation that Vice was gonna get his just desserts. I would've thrown hands if we didn't.)

Lots of good polycule bits. "If you were hitting on me, you're gonna have to get in line. There's forms and stuff." I fucking love these science freaks.

THE GROUP HUG... even though Florence was not technically a part of it, I'm pretending she was.

On the note of Roob being gone for so long—much as I also wanted them to get back, tbh? I think it provided an EXCELLENT excuse for (non-combat-planning) roleplay. Some of the best moments likely wouldn't have happened if Roob hadn't dipped.

God bless Craigor for INSISTING they all go out and get ice cream. In my head, Craigor's vital role in the found family is that he keeps everyone sane by forcing them to indulge in small pleasures like dairy queen.

Cadmus removing Florence's stitch for her was such a good casual moment of intimacy. It's like letting someone do your makeup for you, only in a more brutal and fucked-up scenario because it's RSR. Nobody fucking look at me I love their friendship and will talk about it for ages

I actually like how Isabelle's "dry anger" finally broke into crying. It feels more in-character that she's been trying to act tough and uncaring this whole time, but really, she's just overwhelmed. I also like how it's more obvious now when she's being possessed by Venutia. HUGE "the souls of the innocent" "a bagel!" energy.

On that note: there's a moment I've always loved where Isabelle uses a Beam of Unreality and deletes several rock fans, and Connor says to Cadmus "stick with me here: there might be something more dangerous to your health here than the goddamn rock and rollers," to which Cadmus (who didn't see the beam) replies "who, Isabelle? she wouldn't hurt a fly!"

What I'm saying is, I want that moment to happen again but now with both Isabelle and Cadmus having the knowledge that she IS a monster. But they both choose to keep quiet about it. That's Cadmus's work daughter, he is not losing ANOTHER person in his life—

ISABELLE IN GENERAL WAS GREAT THIS SESSION. HER BIG SPEECH? A+. GOOD JOB, SIX, YOU GAVE A CONCLUSIVE THEME AND CAP TO THIS SHOW THAT HAD THE BALLS TO BRING UP THE QUESTIONS JELLO WOULDN'T.

Carol/Carmen in general was a really great antagonist. Sympathetic in nature, simple motivations that make sense to her character, and still a massive bitch who needs to be stopped. I don't have any brainrot over her but I felt the need to acknowledge her since, y'know, the whole series kinda hinged on her.

Congrats to that one person for getting their rat canonized

in conclusion,

RSR good

#red stitch report

[rottenpumpkin13]

I wanna hop on this LOVE TRAIN WOOOOOO!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️ 🚂 🚂

I wish I could give you the world’s biggest hug rn <333 (okay, okay, imagine that CC scene, right, with Zack hugging Angeal? That’s me to you!). I don’t think I’ve really ever gotten the chance to express how much I love your blog, your writing, your art (beautiful 😭) and your general personality <333 You have a absolute gift for humor, and legit I’ve never once passed a post of yours without breaking into a big, sloppy smile <333 You’ve helped get me through hard days- for real. Even if it’s just the Bois being total and utter morons, binging your headcanons and vlogs and everything in between has made me laugh on days when I couldn’t. There’s just something so infectiously joyous and loving and genuine about all your posts- and I admire it with all my heart <333 You being all the characters to life in such a wonderful, wonderful way- I know it sounds cliche as heck but i don’t know how else to articulate it :,3 They all feel like a family- their bonds feel so real: Seph is so sympathetic, funny, and lovable; you give Gen and Angeal more personality than they ever had in the games- just the most likable bros ever xD <3 Angeal is so dorky and real and Genesis both retains his sharp personality, but also has a kindness and empathy that little to no one truly ever portrays just right. It’s brilliant and perfect <3 Zack is both precious but not an idiot- still strong and independent. And Cloud is just a champ! I just… love it so much, Pumpkin <333 I think your universe is lowkey my favorite interpretation of the Firsts’ dynamic. You have a way of masterfully wielding the most snort-inducing humor, the warmest and coziest fluff, and the most gut-wrenching angst all at once (I mean Caroling at the Gallows….? 😭😭❤️). It’s an unbelievably hard thing to be able to be so well-rounded with genres but you do it effortlessly. It’s amazing. It’s incredible. And so are you <333 For real, so you’re so kind and supportive and appreciative of everyone around you. I’m so, so sorry that life isn’t returning that kindness to you :((( I know it will soon tho ❤️ And we’ll continue to have your back until it does!

You’re an absolute gift to this fandom and this site. Ty for being you, Pumpkin <333 I know I’m not the only one whose life you make actively better around here!

I think I read this message a total of six times before it actually sunk in, because LOOK WHO'S TALKING. IF IT ISN'T THE VERY SEPH+ZACK WRITER WHO INSPIRED ME TO START POSTING IN THE FIRST PLACE 😤💗💖

I don't even know where to begin with this. Everything you said made my jaw drop and my heart feel warmer than the flames of Nibelheim fanning Cloud's skin as he lay there watching Sephiroth in the distance cookies when you take them out of the oven 🥹🔥

Coming from you this means so so much, and I'm currently smiling so hard my cheeks hurt 😶❤️

You're so incredibly supportive and kind to those around you and I'm so lucky that we ended up in the same fandom 💖🥹

#/other

[sepublic]

            I know it’s super corny, but seeing as how A Christmas Carol has always been a comfort story for me as a kid… Imagine an AU in its likeness for The Owl House; With Belos, of course, playing the role of Ebenezer Scrooge. He truly is a miserable old man with a sympathetic backstory, even if he did veer into VERY unsympathetic territory as he grew up. I guess it’s a bit of selfish wish-fulfillment to see him let go of the bitterness and be happy again, for once.

         Instead of hating Christmas, he hates magic in general, and by the time of the story, a holiday dedicated to magic is rolling around and “Uncle Phil” is less than pleased. Hunter plays the role of Nephew Fred, who else? He and his friends at dinner are the other kids, the Emerald Entrails, and possibly additional classmates, as well as Darius and Eberwolf, etc.

         Jacob Marley goes to… Maybe THE Witchfinder General, Matthew Hopkins? Of historical fame, the inspiration for Jacob Hopkins, the precedent of the title Philip looks up to, a man who lived in the same time period and area as him? That or Terra Snapdragon, or maybe Osran since he’s Oracle Coven and it’s related to ghosts, but those two seem kind of a stretch, especially since they’re nevertheless witches. Or Bill! Yeah he’s also a witch, but him and Belos seem to have parallels as those who lead a society they’ve manipulated and filter their perception of the Collector, all for their own ends.

         Bob Cratchit… Ultimately I settled for Lilith, as a beleaguered assistant whom has a family to look after and attend to. I DID consider Kikimora for the role, since she’s short like Bob (at least the version of him I’m familiar with), and in canon had a family she struggled to go home to. But in the end, while I would like to give Kiki some more love, Lilith has a family of characters we’ve actually seen and know; And since the Clawthornes are clearly related to him, that makes for another side of the family for Phil to accept and embrace for once, though whether he knows the connection, I dunno.

         Lilith is at this point her nerdy self, not quite repressed given the VERY different context, but still a bit too lenient towards her employer. Tiny Tim will be her nephew, King Clawthorne; They’re both wittle guys and the baby of their families. Not that it’d happen in canon, but Philip is actually concerned for the wellbeing of this little Titan when he finds out.

         It’s Bump and the Illusion teacher that ask Belos for donations; They’re both older characters who care about kids and support their efforts in magic, so it feels sensible to me.

         The Ghost of Christmas Past is the Collector; Short, young, scary angels associated with light. The Collector is tied a lot to Philip’s past and privy to many aspects of it, witnessing his transition from Philip to Belos in the present-day. Similarly, the Ghost of Christmas Past torments Scrooge with visions of his past, his worst memories and regrets; In canon, the Collector plays the role of The Fool, in the sense that they serve as a reckless, teasing voice of narrative commentary on Belos’ folly, and his insecurity over his home and himself changing over the centuries.

         The Collector is privy and witness to a lot of past deeds and secrets of Belos that would otherwise be lost to time; They take Philip on a visit to his childhood home in Gravesfield. Pip’s lonely at the school, but his older brother Caleb is here to pick him up, and celebrate Christmas with him! Alas, he ‘lost’ Caleb to Evelyn, and Caleb died, leaving his nephew Hunter. Philip remembers other figures from his past, including a love whom he fell out with due to his bigotry; And much to his agony, the Collector shows him how said love has moved on and married again, and now even has children, too! Philip demands the Collector torment him no longer, and uses the disk to seal them away.

         Then comes the Ghost of Christmas Present… Which, this may change in the future; But for now, I’ve tentatively chosen the Bat Queen; The Ghost of Christmas Present is very reminiscent of Santa and a parental figure. The Bat Queen is a maternal figure, granting palismen to kids. She sheds light on the plight of the Clawthornes (yeah, Raine is there with Eda), especially Tiny King, who is in poor health. We get to see a community of construction witches celebrating with their families, including Mason and his sons, Steve and Mattholomule. Salty and his crew make cameos, as do Malphas and the librarians, or the Demon Hunters.

         Belos gets to see Hunter having dinner with his friends without him, in which he hears the kids’ dislike of Belos; But Hunter really does care for his uncle and while he’s rightfully frustrated, wishes the best and no ill will. The Bat Queen’s shift ends with a haunting reminder of palismen who have been abused and died, as an homage to Ignorance and Want in the original; Maybe Flapjack is one of them.

         Finally, we have the Ghost of Christmas Future. I’ve considered the Titan himself for this; A skeletal, death-related figure, enigmatic, who’s never really spoken, and rather mysterious for it. He appears as a dark silhouette towering over everything, pointing and directing Belos to where he needs to go. Or Grometheus; A dark entity who embodies one’s worst fears, which is particularly topical here.

         The dudes who discuss only visiting Belos’ funeral if lunch is provided; Maybe Tibbles and Piniet (they are capitalists), or Coven Heads like Terra, Osran, Vitimir, etc. Kikimora is the one who loots Belos’ corpse, because she totally would; In canon, she’s a lot closer to his private matters than he knows or would like, and intent on seizing some of that power for herself after all. Maybe Wrath is also there as a fellow scavenger, as well as unnamed Coven captains; Maybe Severine too. Employees who don’t appreciate this dude and who can blame them?

         Not sure who’s going to be the couple that’s glad Philip is dead; I don’t want it to be the parents of any of the kids, or else it’d be insensitive for Hunter to vouch for his uncle in front of them. Maybe the two old ladies that Steve cried over? Boscha’s parents, Larry and their partner? Prim and one of the Demon Hunters…Roselle and Dottie, those ladies who kidnapped Eda-in-King’s-body???

         Philip learns that Tiny King has died and is devastated. And lo and behold, he finds out who it is that nobody’s been mourning; It’s himself, Philip Wittebane! He promises the Ghost of Future that he’ll change, falls into his grave… And awakens on the floor of his bedroom, still alive and with a newfound chance at life!

        Not sure who’s the kid he asks to buy a turkey for him; Maybe Braxas? Philip makes amends with his nephew Hunter and his found family, coming over for dinner; And the next morning, he vows to be better to Lilith and the Clawthornes, helping look after Tiny King and becoming like another father to him! King ends the story by declaring Titan bless us, everyone!

#the owl house #philip wittebane #emperor belos #a christmas carol #au #ebenezer scrooge

[brendaonao3]

if you're still accepting asks for the Top Gun meme: 1 & 4?

Hi there!!

Sure, I'm always down to talk about my favorite dysfunctional, awesome af pilots :D

For the Top Gun Ask Meme

1. Who’s your favorite character & why are they your fave?

Look, I'm not even going to pretend that I love these movies and this fandom for any reason other than one Pete Maverick Mitchell. (And he's not my fave just because I've been a TC fan idk, pretty much my entire life, either. :D)

But these movies WORK because Mav is a great protagonist. He's allowed to fail and fuck up and be fallible (how many other F words can I fit in this description :D), he's allowed to grow and change and be complicated and contradictory, but also allowed to be deeply empathetic and vulnerable and human. And because he's allowed to be all of those things, the characters around him are also allowed to be complex and real and sympathetic.

Mav's a character who tries so hard, who feels so deeply, who is desperate to just find that feeling of family and belonging that was stolen from him when his dad's plane was shot down & his mom died of grief soon after. Which is why he clings so hard to Goose, and Goose's memory (and Carole and Bradley) and why he bonds so hard with Ice after their mission rescuing the USS Layton, and why he has such loyalty to Ice and Hondo and the Darkstar Team and the Dagger Team - but he's also just a disaster of a person when it comes to personal relationships, and I love that, because it's also real and relatable.

Because when you have a main character who is allowed to be a three-dimensional person with a past and with insecurities and doubts and flaws, it makes the rest of the characters interesting and great, because it's all feeding off that synergy.

4. What’s your favorite ship?

IceMav IceMav IceMav - look, they're the reasons I got into the fandom in the first place, however many years ago it was when Yuletide started. And the weird thing is (as most people who know me would tell you) I am not at ALL a fan of Enemies to Lovers. Most of the time, if 2 characters truly hate each other onscreen, there's a good reason for it, and it's not a sexy reason that I think hate sex will fix. (Not that I'm against hate sex, mind you. But I'm not a person who thinks antagonism is really just sexual tension in hiding. YMMV of course, that's why fandom is awesome.)

Anyway, part of the reason I really love them together is that they never fit that Enemies To Lovers mold - Ice is Mav's rival for the Top Gun trophy, yes, but Ice is never a dick to Mav for the sake of being a dick (unlike Hangman with Rooster, for example). Ice pushes Mav because he can SEE that the way Mav flies is going to get someone killed one day (which it did :((( RIP GOOSE YOUR LEGACY LIVES ON) and Ice doesn't want to fly missions with anyone who doesn't think about the safety of his wingmen. And he's right, which is the other refreshing thing - the first film allowed both of them to be right and to grow and to see each other's side. (Ice even - in his very Ice-like way, bless him - tried to comfort Mav after Goose's death, which is still a God Tier scene in any movie, and I'm pretty sure I could write an entire manifesto on how brilliant that tiny scene was and how high it set the bar for the antagonist/protagonist relationship - but I digress.)

Anyway, you couple all of that with the history they have and the way they've looked out for each other, and how much they clearly love each other, and yeah, those two are the gold standard of OTP.

But - and at the risk of this being even longer than it is (sorry not sorry), I am also deeply invested in the Bradley Bradshaw/Happiness ship, however he gets there. That boy needs ten hugs (at least 8 of them from Mav), a long nap followed by an even longer vacation, and to be allowed to exist outside his dad's shadow, and be Team Leader on whatever mission he flies next. (Okay, and a blowjob probably wouldn't hurt - not picky about who gives it to him, you could make the case for pairing him with anyone in the cast and I'd read it.)

#wow this got long #top gun headcanons #tgm headcanon #top gun #top gun: maverick #pete maverick mitchell #icemav #bradley rooster bradshaw #brenda answers things #brenda has many opinions #(this is not news)

[twistedtummies2]

Good & Evil - Redeemed Villains

Welcome to Good & Evil: A Study of Heroes & Villains. I’m discussing different forms of heroic and villainous characters, different types of protagonists and antagonists, and providing examples of them each from various sources. Today, we’ll be talking less about a type of character, and more about a character arc. These are Redeemed or Redeemable Villains. Redemption is a powerful idea: reform and forgiveness go hand-in-hand with this concept. It’s one thing for a character to say they’ve changed, but they don’t necessarily have to mean it. And for those that do mean it, reformation means nothing unless the world is willing to give one a chance. THAT’S redemption: it’s not simply saying you’re sorry and you’re going to change, it’s that same sentiment actually having substance and being accepted by others. The concept of redemption is another idea that seems fairly revolutionary, but it’s been around at least since the age of Shakespeare, if not longer: in “King Lear,” the main villain of the story, Edmund, is a pretty nasty customer for most of the story…but in his dying moments, he repents and helps the heroes out, giving them a chance to try and stop the damage he’s caused. Indeed, many villains who seek redemption find it too late to enjoy whatever repentance they’ve experienced: even if they are mourned, they still pay the price for their evil deeds early on. Of course, not all villains who face redemption suffer for their crimes: some are able to enjoy the forgiveness and repentance they earn. Seeing these characters go from evil to good is the basis for some of the greatest stories in fiction.

Perhaps the most classical example is Ebenezer Scrooge, the central figure of Charles Dickens’ yuletide masterpiece, “A Christmas Carol.” At the start of the piece, there can be no denying that Scrooge is the villain of his own story, a Villain Protagonist. While he does nothing ILLEGAL, per say, his greed and his disdain for the world around him paint him out as a pretty nasty customer. He cares for nothing but his own profits, scorns the thought of true love, and, of course, sees everything good about Christmas as a mere “humbug!” When he is visited by the spirit of his former friend and partner, Jacob Marley, and the Three Ghosts of Christmas, not only do we come to learn why Scrooge is the way he is, which makes him more human and sympathetic to us…but we also see Scrooge change as a human being, as he begins to realize how badly he’s been living his life, and how his actions and inactions do have consequences on the world around him. In the end, not only does Scrooge decide he’s going to change his ways, but he sets out to earn forgiveness from a string of increasingly more difficult sources of that nectar, earning his chance to become a truly good man.

Not all villains face complex redemption arcs that span a whole story’s length, however. Many engage in what is termed “the Heel-Face Turn.” This when a character acts as the villain for the majority of the story, but towards the end of the tale, something happens that causes them to have a startling revelation. And this revelation inspires the villain to change and become good. Like I said before, many villains of this sort don’t get the chance to enjoy what happens later, but some actually do. For an example of this, look no further than Scrooge’s American Cousin, Dr. Seuss’ classic curmudgeon, the Grinch. In every version of “How the Grinch Stole Christmas!” - from the book to the cartoon to both of the feature-length film treatments (not to mention the stage musical) - the Grinch doesn’t turn good until right near the end of the story. Up until that point, he is a villain, plain and simple: a fiendish ne’er-do-well who revels in the misery he expects to cause, gleefully mocking and mangling the Christmas holiday as he seeks to eradicate it from Whoville. It’s not till AFTER he’s already “stolen Christmas” that the Grinch realizes the error of his ways. This realization strikes him so hard, the Grinch vows to change, and hurries to undo all the wrong he did up to that point.

For those villains that DO have a long redemption arc, the change from Villain to Hero is not always so straightforward. Sometimes they go through several stages and archetypes, as they steadily shift from evil to good. This is most common in television and in long written works with multiple installments; such stretched-out forms of media allow for characters to develop gradually, over the course of numerous episodic appearances. In the anime “FullMetal Alchemist: Brotherhood,” there are a few villains who end up being redeemed in the end (and a few who never repent or reform), but perhaps the most noteworthy is the Ishvalan extremist known simply as Scar. Scar starts off the show as a Villain, plain and simple: a serial killer who goes about killing alchemists in brutal fashion, due to some misguided, zealous beliefs. As the series goes on, however, not only does Scar show more and more sympathetic qualities to himself and his backstory, but he begins to change his morality as a person. He runs the full gamut, going from Villain to Sympathetic Villain to Anti-Hero to Flawed Hero…and finally, one would argue, to a full-blooded, true-blue Hero.

On that note, One of my favorite examples of a Redeemed Villain, and one of the most recent, is Varian from Rapunzel’s Tangled Adventure (a.k.a. Tangled: The Series). This is because Varian actually goes through TWO different story arcs. He starts off the series as a Fallen Hero (more on that setup another time), and ends the show as a Redeemed Villain. When the series begin, Varian is a friend and ally to Rapunzel and Flynn Rider, our main protagonists. However, a variety of incidents and misunderstandings causes Varian to go…well…kind of freaking insane, to be blunt, and he transforms into the show’s first “Big Bad,” acting as the villainous main antagonist for the latter part of Season 1. When we next meet Varian, however, it turns out the young alchemist has had time to cool down and rethink his life choices, and he ultimately decides to turn over a new leaf and try to make up for his past misdeeds. This isn’t an element that goes away, as - post-Redemption - Varian still has to deal with his dark past and the consequences of his actions. He remains racked with guilt, and still has some dark sides to his personality that pop up here and there. By the end of the show, though, he’s truly become one of the Heroes again.

Some characters who face redemption may stop being Villains, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they stop being Antagonists. After all, old habits die hard. Actor John DeLancie has played at least two examples of such a thing: Q from the Star Trek franchise, and Discord from “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.” In both of these cases, these characters start off the show as chaos-spreading Villains, plain and simple, with few redeeming values to speak of. They’re entertaining, but they’re seemingly pure evil. HOWEVER, after a couple of episodes, both characters face some sort of crisis moment, and realize that maybe their philosophy of life is completely wrong, and there are things they’ve come to value they never valued before. It’s recognizing these new values that allows both characters to reform and seek redemption…HOWEVER, even after both of them “go good,” neither stops being an antagonistic presence. Q and Discord are each chaotic trickster figures: mischief-makers who may not always intend outright ill will towards anyone, but certainly cause plenty of trouble any time they show up. Even when trying to do ostensibly good things, their roundabout methods wreak havoc, and both are still selfish and egotistical creatures who don’t always make the right choices. In others words, while they CAN be Heroic characters, they more often play the role of Anti-Villain or Anti-Hero: still a sign of change, but clearly there are a few bugs in the system that need to be sorted out.

Redeemed Villains are unique because, in essence, they represent what Heroes ultimately represent: hope. However, because of the arc they face - starting off evil and becoming good again - they give us hope in a very different and unique way. Redeemed Villains teach us the basic lesson that it’s never too late to change one’s ways. As long as one is alive, there is always a chance to do something good, something better, with the life one has. On top of that, they also teach us that forgiveness, while not always easy to gain, is almost never impossible to earn: if thieves and murderers can be accepted and forgiven despite their past misdeeds, it makes us feel that we, too, can be forgiven for any trespasses we’ve done against others. Even if we can’t make up for it completely, and even if there’s always a chance we’ll still make mistakes later on, learning from our own wrongdoings is an important part of life. Redeemed Villains, in a way, teach us that, no matter what, there’s always room to learn and improve as people.

#good and evil #a study in heroes and villains #redemption #redemption arcs #redeemed villains #villains #heroes #protagonists #antagonists #character types #archetypes #analysis #the bad guys #mr. wolf #prince zuko #zuko #avatar #the last airbender #the grinch #how the grinch stole christmas #ebenezer scrooge #scrooge #a christmas carol #varian #rapunzel's tangled adventure #tangled the series #scar #fma brotherhood #fullmetal alchemist brotherhood #discord

[thagantm]

MINI RANT INCOMING ; how .  .  . how  the  f***  do  some  folks  in  the  tags  have  the  impression  that  the  s1  scene  of  Steve  smashing  Jonathan’s  camera  could  have  anything  to  do  with  him , Carol , and  Tommy  wanting  to  “humiliate  Nancy” ? like  .  .  . what ???

I’m .  .  . hmmm .  .  . alright .

I  know  that  critical  thinking  isn’t  one  of  the  strong  suits  of  the  ST  fandom  as  a  whole ( and yes , this  sounds  mean , that  is  on  purpose , btw ) but  in  what  world  can  anybody  believe  that  primarily  Steve’s  actions , but  also  Tommy  being  his  usual  helpful  omega  male  self , were  not  even  a  little  justified  and  -  more  importantly  -  largely  served  to  PROTECT  Nancy . Steve  is  still  actively  dating  Nancy  at  this  point , why  the  hell  would  he  want  to  humiliate  his  girlfriend ?

I’m  fully  aware  that  the  Duffers  love  to  use  certain  means  to  build  up  a  bias  for  or  against  characters . when  we  first  meet  Jonathan , he’s  the  caring , gentle  older  brother  who’s  a  bit  weird ( relatable  for  most  of  us ) and  quiet  and  a  touch  shy ; a  character  one  can  easily  sympathize  with . at  the  same  time , the  first  impression  we  get  of  Carol  and  Tommy , is  via  Barb , another  sympathetic  and  lovable  character , who  personally  doesn’t  like  the  two  and  thus  only  hands  us  the  perspective  that  they  both , for  no  reason  she  ever  actually  mentions , are  horrible  people . we  go  into  the  first  actual  scenes  with  them  somewhere  around  ep 2 , already  believing  they  are  awful  and  neither  ever  really  gets  a  chance  from  the  fandom  after  that  point . now  by  the  time  Steve  smashes  Jonathan’s  camera , people  surely  will  have  an  idea  of  who  the  characters  are ( and  that  Jonathan  indeed  is  a  sweet  kid , but  a  little  weird , while  we  simultaneously  are  to  believe  that  Tommy  and  Carol  are  awful ) so  I  understand  a  certain  wish  for  specific  perspectives  and  outcomes , but  come  on  !

hate  on  the  alleged  “ bullies ”  as  much  as  you  want ( funnily  enough  neither  of  them  are  ever  actually  shown  to  bully  anybody  -  I can  write  a  whole  other  rant / hc  on  Tommy’s  graffiti  on  the  theatre , but  oh  well ) the  one  clearly  in  the  wrong  there  is  Jonathan and  Steve  & co  have  every  right  to  be  pissed  at  him . Steve  most  likely  wants  to  save  Nancy’s  reputation  by  making  sure  that  there  are  no  photos  of  her  in  her  underwear , first  of  all . besides  that  obvious  point , what  happened  here  is  a  clear  violation  of  the  privacy  of  all  four  of  them .  Steve , Tommy , and  Carol  seem  a  little  blasé  about  the  fact , sure , but  consider  that  they  are  supposed  to  be  the  “ cool  kids ” . all  three  of  them  would  die  without  their  carefully  crafted  reputations , so  what  do  you  do ? you  keep  discomfort  under  wraps  -  which , however , doesn’t  mean  they  didn’t  feel  any . imagine  you  found  out  someone  was  hiding  in  the  bushes  by  your  house  and  took  pictures  of  you  without  your  consent  or  knowledge .  .  .

truth  be  told , for  people  who , allegedly , are  so  goddamn  awful , their  handling  of  the  situation  is  remarkably  benign . smashing  Jonathan’s  camera , pushing  him  around  a  little , ripping  the  pictures  apart .  .  . it’s  uncomfortable , but  not  horrible . we  never  see  any  further  consequences  for  Jonathan , or , in  fact , Nancy  later  on . neither  Carol , nor  Tommy , seemingly  tell  anyone  that  Jonathan , essentially , is  a  stalker . neither  tell  anyone  that  pictures  of  Nancy  in  her  underwear  exist(ed) . they  had  the  chance  to  ruin  both  of  them  in  the  wake  of  this  and  didn’t . now  before  anyone  screeches , this  is  not  me  saying  meeting  the  basic , lowest  standard  of  human  etiquette  automatically  makes  you  a  good  person .  .  . this  is  me  saying  these  two  aren’t  the  irredeemable  assholes  the  fandom  likes  to  believe , and  that  some  of  the  things  they  do , even  though  leaning  on  the  mean  scale , are  justified .

#study. [ headcanon ] #not me ranting away at work. #dear santa. #for christmas this year. #I wish for some people to use their brains for a change. #do I really have to write a post at some point. #on why carol and tommy aren't bad people. #and actually are the kind of friends you WANT in your corner. #do I? #really?

[jewish-skitter]

Trying to figure out how Wildbow didn’t mean for the ending of Ward to read as suicide. It’s fucking insane. What is this man on. I know I’m not exactly an unbiased party, but you literally have the most sympathetic character* refuse to die like that do so specifically because of how it relates to her dead sister.**

*I originally meant this as “the most sympathetic character to make this choice” but fuck it, I’m declaring myself the most sympathetic character in all of the Wildbow universe. Second only to Taylor, who not only did nothing wrong but actively did everything right. We’re holding hands because we’re both gay and Jewish and the bestest people in the world. 

**Yeah, sister. She was transgender. I figured it out, eventually. Only because another fictive of her popped up and basically ~told~ me, but like, I got there eventually. Also, Laserdream is a trans girl too. Carol is transphobic.

[hardestgrove]

interrogating myself on why emily is so concerned with steve’s feelings and not say, nancy who she’s also spending a lot of time with. why is she taking steve’s side over nancy’s? it is an in character thing or accidental railroading of characterization bc i know where things are headed.

my conclusion is that it’s both because steve is the “wronged” party in this relationship issue. steve is clearly invested but nancy isn’t communicating and isn’t seeking help for her mental health issues or even acknowledging them so they end up being taken out on others, mainly steve. by the time they break up even nancy is questioning after if she really loves/loved him meanwhile he was serious about her. it’s painful to see that happening in real time and naturally in a breakup like that your heart goes to the one who didn’t see it coming.

i think it’s also that she’s known steve longer as they’re in the same grade and have spent more time together because of that. also i feel like steve is pretty tolerant of a lot of shit honestly. emily isn’t as vocally shitty as tommy and carol but she’s not very nice, especially at this point in the story. nancy is more likely to confront her about her shit, steve isn’t. steve’s also more likely to be sympathetic even to an asshole while nancy takes a while to admit there’s more nuance to a confrontation than how she’s portrayed it.

#train.txt #i could get deeper into it but that's the basic jist #ems is steve's friend and not nancy's bc emily and nancy are just SUCH a bad mix personality wise #and steve is more generous with his patience and second chances n shit

[yspaddadenpenkawr]

i’m going to use this blog now. perhaps only intermittently. to make notes on books i am reading. right now i am reading two books. one of them is sinclair lewis’s babbitt (1922).

-focusing on babbitt as the protagonist and sole viewpoint character is sort of a double-edged sword. it allows for deeper-cutting satire in many ways. but also it means you have to spend a whole book with babbitt. babbitt is sort of a horrible person- he’s wilfully hollowed himself out into maybe the worst possible version of himself. he has few if any endogenous desires or ideas

-carol and will kennicott, of lewis’s prior novel, main street (1920) are both deeply flawed individuals. they’re both capable of being naive, narrow, stupid, and pig-headed. but believably so- most people are narrow and pig-headed at times, and both carol and will have strong redeeming features. they’re both treated essentially sympathetically. babbitt is not unrealistically empty-headed or pathetic, but he is empty-headed and pathetic so relentlessly that it risks becoming tiresome. he also, unlike carol, doesn’t really have much of a proper foil- he exists in a society of babbitts, some of them marginally more conscious of their plight, some less so, all of them horrifyingly, cordially alienated

-the book covers about two years of babbitt’s life. but the first seven chapters- 82 pages out of the book’s 315, over a quarter of the book- are dedicated to retailing a single day of his life in detail

-the writing shows an obsessive attention to objects, objects, objects, often over or to the exclusion of people. this is clearly deliberate and thematic. it is a curious effect

-it is also notable maybe how little so much of the book has dated, for being a full century old. babbitts still exist, though in an even more degraded and disgusting state

Just as he was an Elk, a Booster, and a member of the Chamber of Commerce, just as the priests of the Presbyterian Church determined his every religious belief and the senators who controlled the Republican Party decided in little smoky rooms in Washington what he should think about disarmament, tariff, and Germany, so did the large national advertisers fix the surface of his life, fix what he believed to be his individuality. These standard advertised wares—toothpastes, socks, tires, cameras, instantaneous hot-water heaters—were his symbols and proofs of excellence; at first the signs, then the substitutes, for joy and passion and wisdom.

-i recently read a book of stories by sherwood anderson- another writer of the same generation, with some of the same concerns, as lewis. anderson is a gloomier writer but a less cynical one than lewis. part of the effect of anderson’s writing is that he rarely, if ever, makes you feel like you know more or better than his characters. he avoids dramatic irony almost totally. his characters can find themselves stuck in horrible, seemingly insurmountable predicaments, and you can know them, and empathize, and understand. but you never really feel like you could say to the character, “do this! and it will be alright.” i think this is actually an extremely subtle and tricky thing to do. his ability to do it is part of why sherwood anderson was a genius, though an inconsistent one. (i think joyce achieves a similar effect.) lewis is very different. in being more overtly satirical, he has to make his characters dumber, basically. you have to be hyperaware of their foibles, and either feel superior, or feel chastened for recognizing similar failings in yourself. main street and babbitt are almost plotless, in a conventional sense, so there’s not a lot of dramatic irony per se, but they still to varying extents rely for effect on the reader’s greater awareness, their greater cosmopolitanism, than the characters’.

At that moment a G. A. R. veteran was dying. He had come from the Civil War straight to a farm which, though it was officially within the city-limits of Zenith, was primitive as the backwoods. He had never ridden in a motor car, never seen a bath-tub, never read any book save the Bible, McGuffey's readers, and religious tracts; and he believed that the earth is flat, that the English are the Lost Ten Tribes of Israel, and that the United States is a democracy.

[clavainov]

Narrativizing Suffering

“how much of this pain can I use” - Audre Lorde

I’m writing a psychological horror novel, currently at around 17k words, and I noticed that one of my own mental dysfunctions was slipping into the headspace of both characters: narrativizing your experiences as a coping mechanism, more specifically, seeing misfortune as the cause of personal growth.

Framing your life as a story is an interesting way to feel more important. You can make connections between events that in reality had no bearing on each other in order to construct a narrative centered around yourself. This can range from “my cat dying taught me to be stronger”, to “depression has made me a kinder and more empathetic person”. In some situations, this kind of cause/effect can have a basis in reality. But sometimes it gets more abstract and starts obscuring the intentions at the time - in other words, post-rationalizations, like “my parents were correct to abuse because I ultimately ended up as a well-adjusted adult formed by their actions”.

I think that, for me, this tendency comes from a deep-seated need to find meaning behind the events of my life, and especially to buy into a belief that “suffering makes you a better person”. It’s incredibly difficult to face that sometimes, suffering makes you worse. Often, in fact. Other times, it doesn’t have an impact, like my long depressive periods where I feel excruciatingly bad for weeks until they wear off and I am fine, with no memory nor meaning drawn from the experience. 

The truth is terrifying:

It was bad, it happened, it stopped, it will happen again and I don’t know when. There was nothing I could do to stop it, although I could stop it from deteriorating through constant, exhausting effort. When it happens again, I will also not be able to stop it, and I don’t know when it will happen again.

Compare a fiction: 

I became more resilient. I was able to overcome my grief. I grew and learned as a person, better understanding the experiences of others. This was a step on my journey to become a better person.

Looking at these, they seem comforting, but they’re not true. I didn’t grow as a person because of that. It was nothing new and it didn’t teach me anything. A more honest comfort would be:

I am resilient enough to survive this and always have been. When it happens next time, I will be resilient enough to survive that too.

When I reach this point in analyzing myself and start to remember I’m self-obsessed because I think I can solve all of my problems if I can just work out a solution (hahahahaha), I usually start to think about the idea of suffering as purification/redemption in Catholicism, and how people treat degree of suffering as moral rectitude in media (they who suffered most are the most sympathetic, the most sympathetic character is the most morally correct). And I have to force myself to step away from that, because being a teenager was not “the end of the second act” in my life, something I had to endure to be happy later, however comforting the idea is. Suffering didn’t purify me or help me improve, and it definitely didn’t make me a moral authority.

My brain reminds me of this scene:

Being hurt doesn’t fix people. Life isn’t a story where you overcome obstacles to reach a fabled reward - although that can of course happen - normally the obstacles we face are far less helpful. We can transform our negative experiences into growth through hard work, but that’s not inherent to the suffering.

I guess this post is a reminder to myself that

(Pyramid Scheme, Carol Ann Duffy)

#personal #mycelium and silicon #clavain writes

[chloelucia13]

It’s Nice to Have a Friend

Pairing: Steve Harrington x platonic!Henderson!reader, Jonathan Byers x reader (mentioned)

Prompt: After Jonathan had abandoned you so he could go god-knows-where with Nancy, you found comfort in the boy who had also been ditched and a beautiful friendship began to bloom.

Warnings: this is some nice comforting fluff, maybe a tiny bit of angst, some language, pretty chill

A/N: So this is a sort of deleted scene that I couldn’t fit into the Stranger Things rewrite, but I felt like it was still important to the character development with the reader and Steve, so I’m deciding to post it separately. You don’t need to read the whole rewrite in order to understand the plot (it’s based in season 2, so if you haven’t watched it then there will be some spoilers), but I would appreciate it a lot if you did read my rewrite! As always, requests and tag lists and my inbox are all open!

“Y/N, hey!” a voice shouted to your right, prompting you to turn your head and look at who was speaking.

Steve rushed over to you, his backpack hanging on one shoulder and a couple of crinkled papers held in his hand.

You furrowed your brows slightly in confusion, stopping at the side of the hallway and waiting for him to catch up. “Hey, Steve,” you drawled out, slightly confused by his presence.

Steve had sat at the bleachers with you that day after both of you had been ditched. Steve was ditched by Nancy and you by Jonathan, both of whom were now attached at the hip.

It was nice to talk to Steve about everything that was going on and, frankly, it was nice just to have someone there. You two seemed to have more in common than you once thought, and though some of that common ground was the fact that you both were abandoned by the person you loved, it was still something.

However, you thought that lunch was it. It was surprising that Steve Harrington, the former King of Hawkins himself, wanted to spend time with you.

"What’s your next class?” he asked, nervously shifting from one foot to the next. 

“It’s, uh, English. Why?” You tugged on the strap of your backpack.

“I was wondering if you maybe wanted to help me with something?”

A look of hesitation washed across your face for a moment. “I don’t know, Steve. I really can’t miss class-”

“Please? I just need help on this essay for my college applications and I have no one else woh can help me. I just... Please?”

You let out a sigh, glancing around as you mulled it over in your mind. “I... I guess. Should we just go to the library and rent out a study room?”

He let out a sigh of relief, all of the tension leaving his shoulders. “Thank you so much. And I already did.”

“Oh, so you were planning on me saying yes?” You squinted at him and tilted your head.

Panic crossed over his features. “No-no, I didn’t mean it like that-”

“Steve, I’m kidding. Chill out.” 

He let out a chuckle, nodding as the two of you began to walk to the library. His actions were clearly fueled by anxiety, with his shifting gaze and his hands constantly going in and out of his pockets.

“Why are you so nervous around me?” you asked, glancing up at him as the two of you stepped through the entryway to the library.

“What do you mean?” he scoffed. “I’m not nervous.”

You arched an eyebrow at his response, falling behind his step so he could lead you to the study room he reserved. “You’re fidgeting and you won’t look me in the eye. You weren’t acting like this earlier at lunch.”

He pushed the door open and waited for you to step inside before he also entered the room, closing the door behind him. A small sigh left his lips as he set the papers down on the table. “I don’t know, maybe... I guess I’m just not used to spending time with anyone other than Nancy. Especially when other people see me.”

You gave him a sympathetic look and nodded, sitting down at one of the chairs and taking the papers in your hand. “Well, there’s no need to be nervous around me. You know that. I’m not exactly some cool person that you have to act perfect around.”

Once again, he scoffed. “You are a cool person.”

You let out a laugh, shaking your head as you searched in your bag for a pen. “Come on, Steve. I’m already helping you with your essay, you don’t need to butter me up.”

He sat in the chair next to you. “But you are cool. You don’t give a fuck what people think about you, and I think that’s pretty damn cool.”

You sighed, beginning to scribble a few notes on the paper. “If only you knew, Steve.”

“What do you mean?”

“God, I care so much about what people think about me all the time. It’s exhausting.”

He was silent for a moment, watching you mark the paper as he thought. “Do you care about what other people think about you, or do you care what Jonathan thinks about you?”

You were about to argue with him, but once you realized that he was right, your mouth shut. Instead, you lifted your pen from the paper. “Did someone else edit this already? There’s pen all over it.”

He stiffened awkwardly in his chair, his lips pursing into a fine line. “Nancy was, uh... She was helping me out with it. Until, ya know, everything happened.”

You nodded slowly, slipping the cap on the pen before setting it down on the table. “But why are you having me check the draft that Nancy already checked?”

He let out a sigh, a hand combing through his hair as he stared at all of the markings on the paper. “I think Nancy wasn’t being honest with me about it. I thought that you would be more blunt about what you think about it.”

You searched his expression, leaning back in your chair and taking the papers in your hands. “You want me to be honest about it?”

He gave you a nod. “Please.”

A heavy breath fell past your lips. “Steve, it’s awful.”

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Geez, at least sugarcoat it a little!”

“You told me you wanted me to be honest!”

His mouth opened so he could retaliate, but no words came out. Instead, he huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “What-What’s wrong with it?”

“It... It just seems very disingenuous. Shallow.”

“What’s shallow about it?”

“You wrote about a basketball game for one of your biggest struggles that you’ve overcome.”

“And then I said it was like how my Grandpa fought in the war! That’s genuine and powerful!”

You stared at him for a moment, completely at a loss for words. “At least you’re pretty, Steve.”

“Okay, fine. What should I have done instead?”

“Steve, we’ve fought literal monsters. There has to be more to talk about than a basketball game.”

“But I can’t write about that. Can you imagine how crazy they’ll think I am?”

“That’s just an example. We’ve gone through a lot this past year. There has to be something from that time that you can write about.”

He nodded, silently thinking over what had happened in the past 12 months. “Do you think that leaving your bad friends and becoming a better person is a good example of overcoming a struggle?”

You gave him a kind smile. “Absolutely.” You crumpled up the papers you had in your hands and tossed them in the trash can before pulling out a few clean pieces of looseleaf paper and sliding them over to him. “Let’s get an outline going. What made you realize that you should change?”

He thought for a moment, a sad look settling on his features. “Last year. I uh... I did something really mean to Nancy.”

Your head tilted in confusion. “What do you mean? What happened?”

He leaned back in his chair, his eyes flashing from left to right as if he was reading from a script, when in reality he was trying to find the right words to say. “After Nancy had ditched me for Jonathan, Tommy and Carol thought that it would be funny if I spray painted ‘Nancy the slut Wheeler’ on the marquee sign at the theater. So I did it.” He risked a glance over at you, noticing the look of disappointment on your face that you failed to disguise. “Nancy and Jonathan saw it, and it escalated.”

His words slowly sank in, and your eyes widened in realization after a few moments of silence. “That’s why you were all beat up? Because Jonathan fought you?”

Steve nodded, his lips pursing closed as he didn’t know what else to say.

“Well, I can’t say you didn’t deserve it.” Again, he nodded. You reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. “But I can say that you’ve gotten a lot better. And ditching Tommy and Carol definitely helped a lot.”

“So should I write about that?”

It was your turn to nod, a kind smile on your face. “Absolutely. Should we get started?”

He mirrored your smile, leaning forward and pulling a pencil from his backpack. “Let’s do it.”

#Steve harrington #Steve x reader #Jonathan byers #Jonathan x reader #Nancy wheeler #oneshot #drabble #imagine #stranger things #st imagine #st fanfiction #st fanfic #Steve x platonic!reader #Steve x henderson!reader #Steve x you #Steve x y/n

[yellowocaballero]

I know next to nothing abt utena but I. I kinda am extremely curious abt the utena vs mcu comparative analysis? if you feel like sharing lmao absolutely no worries if not

I love all of you because I will post obviously bait and someone will always indulge me in asking about it. NO I don’t want to unprompted just start rambling about my opinions, YES I will share them though. I will make this as short as possible because I can talk about Utena all day. I will add a disclaimer that I don’t super like the MCU so I’m very sorry to any MCU fans, Winter Soldier was good. Slight, vague spoilers for Utena ahead. 

TL;DR: MCU is constantly selling feminism in the form of palatable #bossbabes and Strong Female Characters, while Utena’s form of feminism is a more systematic and nuanced interview of how the patriarchy limits, exploits, and controls women. It posits that a woman CANNOT be a #bossbabe while she’s within that system, and only by leaving it can she find independence and identity. MCU is sponsored by the Air Force.

So for the uninitiated, Utena is a magical girl anime that I’ve been jokingly calling Evangelion: For Her. It deconstructs magical girl anime and fairy tales, and critically examines Japanese society, the patriarchy, heteronormative culture, and IN MY OPINION boarding schools. It deals with themes of trauma, toxic relationships, toxic masculinity, gender non-conformity, queerness, abuse, maturity, coming of age, gender roles, memory, and narrative. 

I’ve joked recently that Tumblr would find Utena problematic if it actually talked about the show beyond the killer aesthetic and sword lesbians. Every female character in it is obsessed with men. Most of them are in abusive, or at least toxic, relationships. It has several gender nonconforming, queer women, who view gender nonconformity as adopting the role of a man in society and thereby idealizing/controlling/abusing women, as men do. Every character is a hugely complicated person who hurts others. Men control women and women are either subservient and controlled by men, or they use their position of assumed subservience to manipulate men, or they attempt to regain power by taking the role of men. 

On the flip side. Utena demonstrates how every character is turned into this through the rigid and restrictive nature of (it’s Japanese, so Japanese, although it’s broadly applicable) society. Women who do not fit into these pre-set molds are punished and ostracized. Young boys are groomed by older men in order to fit these abusive molds, and otherwise well meaning men hurt women because they are not taught how to interact with women in healthy ways. The show is basically about how society takes the genuine need for love, intimacy, and human connection among children and beats them into societally accepted molds that keep power in the hands of powerful men. The patriarchy is ultimately a tool of powerful men that abuses and controls both men and women. Ever hear of no ethical consumption under capitalism? Try no ethical love under the patriarchy! 

So, no, Utena doesn’t really have a lot of ‘strong female characters’. But that’s really kind of the point - how can a woman be strong in this system? When a woman tries to gain strength, does she just try to imitate masculine values that we’re brainwashed into perceiving as strength? Is masculinity healthy? Can Utena really be gnc, or will a gnc woman never be accepted as a man by a society that profits off the victimization of women?

I’m not asking the MCU to analyze all of this, because they’re blockbuster movies and I don’t want or need them to get #deep. However, superhero movies will never look at the systematic and societal structures that build heroes and villains so long as the nature of superheroes inherently hinges upon the ‘Great Man’ system (basically an obsession with heroes and salvation through singular men instead of communities and movements). The MCU Spider-Man movies were so frustrating about this: it goes through the effort of saying that capitalism and injustice created the Vulture, but all that does is make a sympathetic villain - it never goes so far as to say that Peter is being fed into this system (by Tony Stark) like meat into a meat grinder that continues to prioritize the special over the collective. I don’t even need to get into Far From Home. The MCU constantly acknowledges these injustices (the way it acknowledges that the Air Force in Captain Marvel is sexist and racist) but it twists around that acknowledgement into assertion that superheroes and good guys CAN exist in this unjust system, and that they can utilize the power of this unjust system in order to provide salvation. Utena has Japanese Buddhist roots over this Christian ideal of the saviour/messiah: it encourages saving ourselves, and says that we cannot be saved by others, only aided and guided in that journey. 

Captain Marvel cannot be a ‘feminist’ film, no matter how much it celebrates Carol for embracing her individuality and autonomy in a discriminatory system, so long as Carol remains within that system. In contrast, the only way that Utena was able to live in gay happiness with Anthy was by rejecting the patriarchy, structure, and society completely. Carol is a shining, premier, ‘ideal’ example of a woman in the Air Force - tough and independent yet obedient and responsible to her system. Utena is also masc and gnc, but it actually explores how performing that masculinity isn’t a repudiation of the system, it’s just striving to attain status as the oppressor instead of the oppressed (absolutely crucial note that Utena doesn’t strive to be a man, she strives for masculinity). The #girlbosses in Black Panther are characterized by their complete and total loyalty and lack of ambition to authoritarian male figures and autocratic systems (Black Panther is really good and I like it a lot, this isn’t a criticism). Judi in Utena is also completely obedient and loyal to the male-dominated structure of the Student Council, but it’s shown as preventing her from accepting her lesbianism and pursing her desires. Black Widow, #girlboss extraordinaire, is devalued as a woman through her infertility and this is completely played straight and uncritically in a move that’s stunningly 1970s. Nanami in Utena (metaphorically) is confronted with her perceived lack of suitability for maternal life - and how the reason why she’s desperate for this is because it’s the promised unconditional love she never received. This isn’t even getting into the men - Tony Stark using tools of war to end war, which is an oxymoron. Peter Parker’s divorce from his working class roots into mindless imitation of authoritarian paternal figures and him literally being handed the cutsey drone strikes. Women in the MCU are ‘cool’, women in Utena are complex, flawed, and nuanced. 

We know the MCU isn’t woke. I don’t want it to be woke. But it keeps on pretending to try and it’s frustrating me. It continually just gets enough there to make me think about it and give the shiny sheen of that feminism while refusing to engage meaningfully with what they’re doing. I’d rather they didn’t try at all, because they consistently raise the question (hey it’s fucked up that the working class is getting screwed over and the Vulture’s doing what he’s doing for a reason!) and then refuse to answer it authentically or genuinely (but he’s evil so we don’t gotta touch that). I’m not gonna use the word pandering, but...that #girlboss shot in Endgame, come on...

Utena meaningfully treats the women as women who Live In A Society, and how that fucks them up, and how the only way they can be free is if they realize there’s no wizard behind the curtain, recognize the injustices, and repudiate the game. MCU says that a woman can be liberated and strong if she achieves specialness and strength within the system - if she ‘wins’ the game. But women don’t win this game. That’s the point of the game. Because when women win, men perceive themselves as losing, and that’s unacceptable. Captain Marvel and the MCU is a consolation prize for what women are consistently denied: complex and flawed characterizations. 

I’m normally uninterested by #feminism but Utena gets it. Thanks for the ask! 

#revolutionary girl utena #utena #marvel cinematic universe #meta commentary #mcu critical #TERFs do not interact with this post utena does not say men are inherently abusive it says that men are also damaged by toxic masculinity #utena did not give us touga saionji and miki to say that men are not hurt and abused by powerful people #i'm watching wandavision and I will say that it is the CLOSEST look the mcu's taken since jessica jones into this #but it's still falling a little short for reasons i'm still mulling over #also i forgot to mention jessica jones but jessica jones is more about 'spooky one evil guy' then talking about rape culture #im sorry this is so long im incapable of being concise it's in my bio #i write about gender a lot but kinda subtley #i mean except for the roleswap series where I hit the reader in the face with a 2x4

[nitrateglow]

Favorite films discovered in 2020

Well, this year sucked. I did see some good movies though. Some even made after I was born!

Perfect Blue (dir. Satoshi Kon, 1997)

I watch a lot of thrillers and horror movies, but precious few actually unsettle me in any lasting way. This cannot be said of Perfect Blue, which gave me one of the most visceral cinematic experiences of my life. Beyond the brief flashes of bloodletting (you will never look at a screwdriver the same way again), the scariest thing about Perfect Blue might be how the protagonist has both her life and her sense of self threatened by the villains. The movie’s prescience regarding public persona is also incredibly eerie, especially in our age of social media. While anime is seen as a very niche interest (albeit one that has become more mainstream in recent years), I would highly recommend this movie to thriller fans, whether they typically watch anime or not. It’s right up there with the best of Hitchcock or De Palma.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (dir. Sergio Leone, 1966)

Nothing is better than when an iconic movie lives up to the hype. Clint Eastwood, Eli Wallach, and Lee Van Cleef play off of one another perfectly. I was impressed by Wallach as Tuco in particular: his character initially seems like a one-dimensional greedy criminal, but the performance is packed with wonderful moments of humanity. Do I really need to say anything about the direction? Or about the wonderful storyline, which takes on an almost mythic feel in its grandeur? Or that soundtrack?

Die Niebelungen (both movies) (dir. Fritz Lang, 1924)

I did NOT expect to love these movies as much as I did. That they would be dazzlingly gorgeous I never doubted: the medieval world of the story is brought to vivid life through the geometrical mise en scene and detailed costuming. However, the plot itself is so, so riveting, never losing steam over the course of the four hours it takes to watch both movies. The first half is heroic fantasy; the second half involves a revenge plot of almost Shakespearean proportions. This might actually be my favorite silent Fritz Lang movie now.

Muppet Treasure Island (dir. Brian Henson, 1996)

I understand that people have different tastes and all, but how does this movie have such a mixed reception? It’s absolutely hilarious. How could anybody get through the scene with “THA BLACK SPOT AGGHHHHHHH” and not declare this a masterpiece of comedy? And I risk being excommunicated from the Muppet fandom for saying it, but I like this one more than The Great Muppet Caper. It’s probably now my second favorite Muppet movie.

Belle de Jour (dir. Luis Bunuel, 1967)

I confess I’m not terribly fond of “but was it real???” movies. They tend to feel gimmicky more often than not. Belle de Jour is an exception. This is about more than a repressed housewife getting her kicks working as a daytime prostitute. The film delves into victim blaming, trauma, class, and identity-- sure, this sounds academic and dry when I put it that way, but what I’m trying to say is that these are very complicated characters and the blurring of fantasy and reality becomes thought-provoking rather than trite due to that complexity.

Secondhand Lions (dir. Tim McCanlies, 2003)

The term “family movie” is often used as a synonym for “children’s movie.” However, there is an important distinction: children’s movies only appeal to kids, while family movies retain their appeal as one grows up. Secondhand Lions is perhaps a perfect family movie, with a great deal more nuance than one might expect regarding the need for storytelling and its purpose in creating meaning for one’s life. It’s also amazingly cast: Haley Joel Osment is excellent as the juvenile lead, and Michael Caine and Robert Duvall steal the show as Osment’s eccentric uncles.

The Pawnbroker (dir. Sidney Lumet, 1964)

Controversial in its day for depicting frontal nudity, The Pawnbroker shocks today for different reasons. As the top review of the film on IMDB says, we’re used to victims of great atrocities being presented as sympathetic, good people in fiction. Here, Rod Steiger’s Sol Nazerman subverts such a trope: his suffering at the hands of the Nazis has made him a hard, closed-off person, dismissive of his second wife (herself also a survivor of the Holocaust), cold to his friendly assistant, and bitter towards himself. The movie follows Nazerman’s postwar life, vividly presenting his inner pain in a way that is almost too much to bear. Gotta say, Steiger gives one of the best performances I have ever seen in a movie here: he’s so three-dimensional and complex. The emotions on his face are registered with Falconetti-level brilliance.

The Apartment (dir. Billy Wilder, 1960)

While not the most depressing Christmas movie ever, The Apartment certainly puts a good injection of cynicism into the season. I have rarely seen a movie so adept at blending comedy, romance, and satire without feeling tone-deaf. There are a lot of things to praise about The Apartment, but I want to give a special shoutout to the dialogue. “Witty” dialogue that sounds natural is hard to come by-- so often, it just feels smart-assy and strained. Not here.

Anatomy of a Murder (dir. Otto Preminger, 1959)

I’m not big into courtroom dramas, but Anatomy of a Murder is a big exception. Its morally ambiguous characters elevate it from being a mere “whodunit” (or I guess in the case of this movie, “whydunit”), because if there’s something you’re not going to get with this movie, it’s a clear answer as to what happened on the night of the crime. Jimmy Stewart gives one of his least characteristic performances as the cynical lawyer, and is absolutely brilliant. 

Oldboy (dir. Park Chan-Wook, 2003)

Oldboy reminded me a great deal of John Webster’s 17th century tragedy The Duchess of Malfi. Both are gruesome, frightening, and heartbreaking works of art, straddling the line between sensationalism and intelligence, proving the two are not mutually exclusive. It’s both entertaining and difficult to watch. The thought of revisiting it terrifies me but I feel there is so much more to appreciate about the sheer craft on display.

Family Plot (dir. Alfred Hitchcock, 1976)

Family Plot is an enjoyable comedy; you guys are just mean. I know in an ideal world, Hitchcock’s swan song would be a great thriller masterpiece in the vein of Vertigo or Psycho. Family Plot is instead a silly send-up of Hitchcock’s favorite tropes, lampooning everything from the dangerous blonde archetype (with not one but two characters) to complicated MacGuffin plots. You’ll probably demand my film buff card be revoked for my opinion, but to hell with it-- this is my favorite of Hitchcock’s post-Psycho movies.

My Best Girl (dir. Sam Taylor, 1927)

Mary Pickford’s farewell to silent film also happens to be among her best movies. It’s a simple, charming romantic comedy starring her future husband, Charles “Buddy” Rogers. Pickford also gets to play an adult character here, rather than the little girl parts her public demanded she essay even well into her thirties. She and Rogers are sweet together without being diabetes-inducing, and the comedy is often laugh out loud funny. It even mocks a few tropes that anyone who watches enough old movies will recognize and probably dislike-- such as “break his heart to save him!!” (my personal most loathed 1920s/1930s trope).

Parasite (dir. Bong Joon-ho, 2019)

This feels like such a zeitgeist movie. It’s about the gap between the rich and the poor, it’s ironic,  it’s depressing, it’s unpredictable as hell. I don’t like terms like “modern classic,” because by its very definition, a classic can only be deemed as such after a long passage of time, but I have a good feeling Parasite will be considered one of the definitive films of the 2010s in the years to come.

Indiscreet (dir. Stanley Donen, 1958)

Indiscreet often gets criticized for not being Notorious more or less, which is a shame. It’s not SUPPOSED to be-- it’s cinematic souffle and both Ingrid Bergman and Cary Grant elevate that light material with their perfect chemistry and comedic timing. It’s also refreshing to see a rom-com with characters over 40 as the leads-- and the movie does not try to make them seem younger or less mature, making the zany moments all the more hilarious. It’s worth seeing for Cary Grant’s jig (picture above) alone.

The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (dir. Joseph Sargent, 1974)

This movie embodies so much of what I love about 70s cinema: it’s gritty, irreverent, and hard-hitting. It’s both hilarious and suspenseful-- I was tense all throughout the run time. I heard there was a remake and it just seems... so, so pointless when you already have this gem perfect as it is.

They All Laughed (dir. Peter Bogdonavich, 1981)

Bogdonavich’s lesser known homage to 1930s screwball comedy is also a weirdly autumnal movie. Among the last gasps of the New Hollywood movement, it is also marks the final time Audrey Hepburn would star in a theatrical release. The gentle comedy, excellent ensemble cast (John Ritter is the standout), and the mature but short-lived romance between Hepburn and Ben Gazarra’s characters make this a memorably bittersweet gem.

The Palm Beach Story (dir. Preston Sturges, 1942)

Absolutely hilarious. I was watching this with my parents in the room. My mom tends to like old movies while my dad doesn’t, but both of them were laughing aloud at this one. Not much else to say about it, other than I love Joel McCrea the more movies I see him in-- though it’s weird seeing him in comedies since I’m so used to him as a back-breaking man on the edge in The Most Dangerous Game!

Nothing Sacred (dir. William Wellman, 1937)

I tend to associate William Wellman with the pre-code era, so I’ve tried delving more into his post-code work. Nothing Sacred is easily my favorite of those films thus far, mainly for Carole Lombard but also because the story still feels pretty fresh due to the jabs it takes at celebrity worship and moral hypocrisy. For a satire, it’s still very warm towards its characters, even when they’re misbehaving or deluding themselves, so it’s oddly a feel-good film too.

Applause (dir. Rouben Mamoulian, 1929)

I love watching early sound movies, but my inner history nerd tends to enjoy them more than the part of me that, well, craves good, well-made movies. Most early sound films are pure awkward, but there’s always an exception and Applause is one of them. While the plot’s backstage melodrama is nothing special, the way the story is told is super sophisticated and expressive for this period of cinema history, and Helen Morgan makes the figure of the discarded burlesque queen seem truly human and tragic rather than merely sentimental.

Topaz (dir. Alfred Hitchcock, 1969)

Another late Hitchcock everyone but me seems to hate. After suffering through Torn Curtain, I expected Hitchcock’s other cold war thriller was going to be dull as dishwater, but instead I found an understated espionage movie standing in stark contrast to the more popular spy movies of the period. It’ll never be top Hitchcock, of course-- still it was stylish and enjoyable, with some truly haunting moments. I think it deserves more appreciation than it’s been given.

What were your favorite cinematic discoveries in 2020?

#thoughts #belle de jour #topaz #family plot #the taking of pelham 123 #the pawnbroker #nothing sacred #my best girl #applause #muppet treasure island #perfect blue #die niebelungen #parasite #the good the bad and the ugly #the palm beach story #they all laughed #indiscreet #oldboy #anatomy of a murder #the apartment #secondhand lions