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kakusu-shipping · 1 year

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Where were you the day Mondatta died?

a self insert fic about loss, grief, and the stages we go through.

Ramattra was in a Talon meeting, under an agreement he’d regretted making. He was mad, he was rash, and now he’d face the consequences of his actions

Akande Ogundimu, more commonly know as Doomfist, stood proud, a live feed from Talon’s best assassin playing on a holo projection before him. Next to Ramattra was Maximillien, the highest ranked Omnic in Talon, just there for the ravager’s personal comfort.

They’d both assured him of this assassin’s efficiency, how she always hits her mark. One shot, one kill, they’d all said. When he’d had a moment, Ramattra couldn’t help but question her on this reputation.

“Everyone misses” she had answered, and now here Ramattra stood in a room of people he despised watching the brother he loved through the eyes of a killer he himself requested.

Ramattra’s grip on his staff would be enough to crush the woman’s spine three times over, as he stared unwavering at the screen, and prayed for the first time in a long time for a miracle

In an hour, the deal would be set. Mondatta would be dead, and Ramattra, his troops, his Omnics, his skills, would belong to Talon.

He would have no time to mourn in the long hours following his brother’s death. He would have no time to reflect on those back at the Shambali, the family he’d abandoned, and how they may be dealing with the loss. He would have no time to allow the pain of his choices to sink in.

And in the quiet hours, the few of them he had, he would return to the day he’d met Mondatta. Caked in blood and oil, alone on a battle field somewhere in New York city, he’d point his gun to the Monk, trembling. Mondatta would approach him and gently lay the gun to rest. He’d embrace the ravager, staining his beautiful white and gold robes in blood and oil, and Ramattra would cling to him, whimpering like a child, unable to face what he’d been made to do.

Could he face it now? Could he stand on battle fields of his own making and face his past again, knowing for sure this time his brother would not come to embrace him as he once had, sharing in the stains of his past

He had no time to ponder such things. What’s done is done. He had no time for regret, he had no time for doubt. It was time to push forward, to take what he’d been given and what he’d asked for and use it to better his people’s lives.

The time for action is now.

---------------

Genji and Zayne, Shimadas healed in the Shambali temples, were on tour. A journey of helping, of time off, of moments spent together free as they’d ever been.

They’d stopped in Point Pleasant, West Virginia, a small city with a little silly bit of history they both enjoyed looking into.

In moments they’d overhear someone watching the news a little too loudly in public about the loss of Mondatta. Their carefree moment of exploration around a funny man moth driven town ruined. They’d be left crushed, huddled together in a back alley attempting in vein to calm each other down

Moments from now they’d both experience grief worse than they’d felt sense Genji first died, grief over a man who loved them, who welcomed them into his home and brought them to a family that would stand by them as they healed and grew.

They would find a hotel, and grieve over night. They next day they’d pack up, and return to the Shambali to find the village quiet, in mourning, monks locked away in their homes in meditation, grieving as Zayne and Genji had.

Emile would force a smile to welcome them, and apologize for the quiet. They wouldn’t see Zenyatta.

A week would pass, sitting in silence by a crackling fire, Genji would face his little brother.

“I want to find Hanzo.” The older couldn’t bare to loose any more family, and his brother was out there, lost, thinking himself alone in a sea of his own thoughts, thinking Genji dead and gone from this world. “I want him to know I’m still here. That I still.. love him.”

It would be hard on them, the older and younger so close, and yet still so distant. A love just rekindled, splitting.

They would continue to travel, separated by entire oceans. Would they keep in contact? Could they keep in contact? A family split, miles and miles of land and sea separating them.

That would be their future. For now, in this moment, they sit together in an alley in Point Pleasant, West Virginia, crying together for the loss of someone they’d known their entire new lives.

-----------------

Emile was in a bar, packed full with his family, other students of the Shambali, Omnics big and small.

The bar tender had turned on the live broadcast of Mondatta’s speech. They didn’t have a television in the Monastery, and this bar was the only place open late enough to catch most of Mondatta’s touring live.

The room was hot with tightly packed monks, machines whirring and scraping together as they chatted amongst themselves, always a buzz to leave the temple.

Emile sat at the bar, a cup of orange juice in hand as he once again thanked the bar tender of letting them all take control of his television. He never minded, liked seeing the monks, he’d say, they always seemed so chipper.

In just a few seconds the atmosphere would change. All would go dead silent as Mondatta fell limp on the television.

No one would speak, no one would move. The humans in the rooms would hold their breath and wait.

Waiting for anything other than what they’d just witnessed to be true.

They’d all wait for hours in that little bar. They’d barrow phones from passers by. They’d knock on near by doors. The entire town would be up, awaiting an update, news on Mondatta’s situation.

Within two hours it would be officially announced that Mondatta has died.

There was only one who could shed tears in that bar that night, despite the near hundred people packed in together. He would cry enough for all of them.

In the coming days the Shambali Monastery would grow silent. Monks holed up in their homes, deep in meditation and prayer. The village would become a ghost town, spare one little human.

Emile just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t sleep in that home, knowing Mondatta would never return. He couldn’t wear those robes, knowing Mondatta would never straighten them for him again. He couldn’t sit to meditate, knowing Mondatta could never sit by his side once more.

So he cleaned, in his sweater and jeans that no longer fit quiet as nicely as they once had. He swept snow off the stairs and dusted the sanctum and washed laundry that had already been cleaned thrice over.

He would not eat, he would sleep, for a near 4 days the human kept himself busy, and never once would he step foot in Mondatta’s home.

He’d smile when Zayne and Genji would come back. He’d tell the townsfolk the village was doing just fine when he’d go to get supplies. He’d keep himself busy as the monks around him mourned.

And in 5 days time, he would collapse in the snow, dressed in few too little clothes, just as he had the day he’d arrived at the Shambali. And like that day he will be saved by a monk he’d come to know better than all the rest.

---------------

On that day, the day they’d lost Mondatta, Zenyatta was at home, in meditation. He loved his brother dearly, but watching his speeches at protests was starting to get rather same-y. The monk needed new lessions, Zenyatta had thought to himself.

He’d be unaware of the loss for another 2 hours, until the chimes of the temple rang out, and he would join his siblings at the sanctum, and hear the news from the group that had gone into town.

Like everyone else, Zenyatta would lock himself away in his home. Sat against a wall he would stare blankly, perusing the web in his own head for any and all sources he could find on Mondatta’s death.

He’d loose track of days, reading article after article, watching video after video, scanning for anything new he could find.

Why, he would ask himself, why would anyone take out Mondatta? What could he have done, who could he have hurt just trying to spread love?

Zenyatta would spend time wishing death on whoever would do something so awful, just to retract the thought moments later. His brother would not want such a thing for even the person who would take his life.

On the third day of mourning Zenyatta would stumble into something he would wish he hadn’t. An image of the assassin.

A face to put to his desire of vengeance.

A woman with blue skin and long dark hair, an awfully tight purple suit and a large sniper rifle.

For the next few days Zenyatta would spend all his time staring at the blurry photo of this woman, wishing the worst upon her. May she loose those closest to her and may it be her own fault. May she feel the worst pains imaginable and survive. May she live the rest of her life with these regrets and no way to return. May she find a path to recovery just to have the door slammed in her face.

On the fifth day, these thought plaguing Zenyatta’s head would finally drive him mad. He would storm from his home with a bag of few things, vengeance his only thought as he crushed snow beneath his feet.

His plan to leave the village, to find the woman who did this, to put her in the ground himself, would be interrupted as a white haired man with puffy red eyes would collapse in front of him.

Thoughts of her would leave the monk alone after so long of obsession as he found himself in the company Emile, the human had taken the loss of Mondatta just about as well as Zenyatta.

That night, they would stop avoiding the truth. They’d lost Mondatta, their brother, their master, their family, and it hurt. Together they would face this, over hot tea and by a dying fire, they’d relive stories of their life in that Monastery.

Stories of sneaking out of meditations, of snow ball fights, of counting stars atop the mountain, of learning, and laughing, and being home and happy.

The night would pass and they would still be sat there, at Zenyatta’s low tea table Mondatta had gotten him for his birthday two years ago, sitting back to back in a comfortable silence.

“I want to find Ramattra,” Zenyatta will say, his hand laid gently on top of Emile’s. “He is lost, wherever he is, I am sure he is as lost as we were” He thinks back to the day Ramattra left, the fight he and Mondatta had, the last words he’d said to their brother... He knew Ramattra regretted that, now more than ever.

“We’ll find him.” Emile will smile over his shoulder, “Together.”

And in that moment, a moment of calm between storms, Zenyatta will look back and realize quietly to himself

He is in love. He has been in love for years. This. This was what love was for him.

#Emile's Writing #Oooooooooh I had a long day and am very very tired BUT #HERE WE ARE #I was debating with myself for a long long time on posting this #Sense it's like. Part of MY self insert fic like a thing I wanted to eventually cover #but whatever we post out of order here you go have my emotional writing #In which we are all in mourning #Every Overwatch Self Inserter you HAVE to tell me what you were doing and where you were when you learned of Mondatta's death #It's THE big deal to me for Overwatch plot so I just always need to know how everyone else handled it #The fact is pretty often Not Great #A lil Zayne and Genji moment I'm back and forth on deleting but hhhhhhhh whatever #There it is a little moment of them of their feelings if you want the full thing go check out probably-some-goat #for The Dragon and The Fox his S/I fanfiction it's very good #These scenes sit with me man I'm thinking thonking them all the time #I believe Ramattra agreed to join Talon ONLY if they took out Mondatta #And then immedetly regretted that #Because he makes very rash choices and defaults to violence and needs things done NOW #This is my belief and if anything at least that part of this fic was good #I've always had where I was worked out and it's simply always heart breaking #Aight 1am gonna go to bed soon probably #Will try to get the actual in order 3rd part of my s/i fic out like soon-ish #We're gonna have to see on that one besties

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81folklore · 8 months

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heaven - OP81 - part 2

pairings: oscar piastri x private!secret!reader (fc: gracie abrams)

summary: a very sweet softlaunch ends pretty quickly

authors notes: first of all a huge thank you to everyone who has liked, reblogged and taken the time to read my works it means so much to me and im so so grateful!! next, this is something i made at 1am so please bear with me😭. i am working on the lando and charles stories i PROMISE but i want them to be special and i currently have zero thoughts about where to take them so it might be a while🫣 also i almost finished this when tumblr DELETED IT?? i want to cry😁 ALSO i started this at like 1am and i cant be asked to do tweets rn so insta smau it is

part 1 part 3 masterlist

yourusername

liked by yourfriend2, user7 and 583 others

ahahah i love the beach and my friends

view comments

yourfriend2: dont be fooled she called me crying after the fourth photo bcs she lost 5 games of uno in a row

yourusername: i called you in confidence and this is how you repay me??

user6: its fine we know how emotional uno can get😁

yourusername: ??

user7: im so single hahahahhaa (im dying inside)

user10: is it confirmed that this is oscar?

user9: im not being funny but oscar doesnt even follow her so i think yous are just reaching

user10: …they have the same dog??

yourfriend6: might aswell post his face at this point

yourusername: leave me aloneeee im having fun!!

oscarpiastri

liked by clementnovalak, paularon_ and 93,357 others

second part of the season incoming 😁👊 (after a very competitive round of uno)

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user7: ready to see you up on the podium🧡

user10: uno you say?

user3: right could they be more obvious😭

yourusername: its race week babyyy

*liked by oscarpiastri*

user17: literally what is happening why are all of the grid softlaunching😭

user8: and why does it always end in the hardest of launches

yourusername and oscarpiastri added to their stories

yourfriend2: 😭😭

yourusername: i am sick and tired i just want to POST him but softlaunches are so fun😔

yourfriend2: its really fun when everyone already knows?

yourusername: no but we are in too deep now☹️

user6: god you guys are insufferable

user23: JUST POST THE CUTE COUPLE PHOTOS ALREADY

user23: i lied please dont im so single it hurts

yourusername

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris and 6,572 others

the world through my eyes☀️

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oscarpiastri: i love you sososo much

oscarpiastri: my favorite person in the entire world

yourusername: ur literally my sunshine🫶

yourfriend1: god you make me SICK

yourusername: ..okay😁 oscarpiastri i love youuu🤭

landonorris: i hate people in love (you guys are very cute)

user10: THE NOTE OH

user18: THE HARDEST OF LAUNCHES HAPPENED

user7: he is her world oh my lord

user63: and the fact that hes her sunshine too😭😭

user63: literally crying myself to sleep

oscarpiastri

liked by danielricciardo, yourusername and 143,572 others

my happiness

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yourusername: teheehee thats me🤭

yourusername: i LOVE YOUUU

yourusername: i didnt know you took photos of me like this☹️

oscarpiastri: of course your my favorite🧡

yourusername: oh could you get any cuter🫠

yourfriend4: thought you should know yn is currently jumping up and down and giggling while looking at this

user23: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NOT TO POST THESE?? I CANT HANDLE THIS??

user8: god really saw me sad and said ‘heres the happiest and best couple, wallow more’

user16: YOU GUYS ARE LITERALLY THE CUTEST?? THE NOTES?? THE POSTS??

user1: i cant stand people in love (i want to cry and drown in my tears)

yourusername: oh my god im so obsessed with you

oscarpiastri: i loooove youuu

oscarpiastri added to their story

yourusername: ahhhhh im so☹️

yourusername: osc☹️☹️ur literally the cutest thing to exist

yourusername: my boys🫶🫶

yoursusername: im so in love with you sunshine☀️

oscarpiastri: love you, thank you for showing me happiness🤍

#f1 instagram au #f1 smau #f1 social media au #f1 x reader #formula 1 insta au #formula 1 social media au #social media au #oscar piastri x reader #oscar piastri #private!yn!oscar

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moriahwritez · 6 months

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I’ve waited for you (Sevika x Female reader)

Hello guys! Finally time to continue back on writing Sevika’s fics. I remember writing a bit of her back in 2022. Guess I didn't had motivation to work on more, BUT HERE I AM! So here you go my fellow lesbians who needed something.

I do miss Sev it's not funny :(

My bad y’all I had to reread cuz I type so fast and had to go back for correction, forgive me😭😭😭

Anyways, please enjoy.💜💜💜

Lovely night in Zaun, the green lights dim throughout the streets. It was pretty silence on the road. You stayed in your wife’s bed, waiting impatiently to see her adorable face again. The room was very quiet and felt so empty as you thought about it. All you could hear only is the air conditioner cooling down the heat from all day and some of the noises from downstairs. That's the only thing you could hear but not the road outside. Could tell it was some people having a good time... but not for you it is. You didn’t want to think about other things, but your wife only and only her. It was now 1am, as you check on the clock on top of the wall above the headboard where your laying at. Suddenly, your heart skip when the keys jingles close to the front door as you heard it opened. Could it be her? “Sevika, love?” You ask yourself. Finally, you waited for hours to see her. You heard the sound of your wife mumbles as she walks in the bedroom quietly and takes off her jacket, hanging it up on her chair not noticing you were up. “Oh! Love, I didn't know you was awake." She jumps a bit. She saw how dark was the room and never knew you was up, til she saw your shadow from the dim light of the window. Sevika turn the light to finally see you look extremely tired. "Why you still up, sweetheart? You’ve been waited for me all night?” Sevika says in concern. She didn't want to be mean to you for staying up too long, so she pulls herself together, coming towards you. She bends down to kiss your forehead, meeting the same height. You were pretty short comparing to hers lol (like me XD) She holds you tightly enjoying the embrace she’s giving to you. “Well, I’m here now.” Then, you reply back. “Sev, I was so worried.” You caress her soft cheek, trailing your finger on her blue scar trying to not start crying. “I’ve waited the whole entire night. I couldn’t sleep. I just kept thinking about you for so long.” You said while leaning on her chest as a tear came down on your cheek. “Oh, my love.” Sevika caress the side of your beloved face, pressing you more. She then places your chin back up to meet her eye. “No need to worried, dear. I was thinking about you too. Now that I’m here, it’s over, love.” You had your anxiety moments thinking something would happened to Sevika if she wasn’t home. All those negative thoughts in your head had to be erased. Luckily, your wife had came to save you. “I was just nervous how long you was out there. I wanted you to come home early-“ Sevika shushes you. “Shhh, love don't worried so much. I’m fine. Everything went well. Were both safe.” She looks down at your beautiful eyes sparkle like diamonds. “You know how much I love you, right?” You sniff your tears and lifts a small smile. “Yeah, I know.” You calmed down for a bit and sighs. “Just wanted to make sure you was safe. That’s all. I can't keep thinking what would ever happened to you if-” Sevika cupped your both cheeks together, admiring how adorable your face were like a baby. “Love, do I have to say it all over again? Y/N, look at me.” She ordered you softly to do what she says and you did. “I was fine at work, I promise. And I came home safely didn't I? Yes I came home safe and sound. Nothing's ever gonna happened towards me...or you. I’m still here and we’ll continue to move on.” Your wife does her best to comfort you. She continues looking at you, which was such an awe moment. She couldn’t bear to look away from that puppy eyes of yours. “Now, can we finally get sleep? I’m exhausted…” Sevika says letting out a yawn. You nod. “Yes, same here.” Sevika lifts you up into her arms and without wasting enough time, she carries you to bed. She let you lay down first before she gets on top and turns her whole body to have her head lied on your upper chest. “Goodnight, love,” says Sevika droozing off to sleep with her work outfit on still. You caress her simple bun, while watching her. You finally felt relief from all the anxiety had in you. Eventually, you closed your eyes and gently fall asleep, not wanting to let her go.

The end.

(Yay! What a cute and heartwarming short story. I hope you enjoyed this a lot with Sevika. If your more into my fanfics, please follow me and I’ll be back writing more cute, romantically stories of our favorite milfs and others hehe). (⁠・⁠∀⁠・⁠)

#arcane #sevika arcane #sevika #arcane fandom #arcane sevika #fanfic #sevika x fem reader #sevika fanfic #sevika x you #sevika imagine #sevika x reader #sevika fanfiction #sevika x y/n #arcane league of legends #arcane lol #arcane fanfiction #lesbian

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drippingmoon · 4 months

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Merry new year to everyone, again! 🥳💞🥂

I know it wasn’t an event this year, but writing a yearly wrap-up is really therapeutic, you know? So I decided to continue the tradition, and if anyone wants to join me, absolutely view this as an open invitation^^ Introduction is over, and now let’s see what 2023 looked like:

(spoilers: I adored it. I'm also probably going to make this my fixed post, in case anyone ever wants to catch up with me. And also because my second baby, AoS, is growing, and it doesn't have an intro, but I can't leave it out.)

Stats

Aquiver, Aglow: 181k (draft 4) + 195k (draft 5) + hmm, draft 6 is an outlier, because I didn’t rewrite from scratch, so I’m unsure of the written word count. I didn’t change much from draft 5, so I’d say an extra 15-20k. Total word count: 376k+

Remains of a Night: 120k

Aberration of Sunlight: 134k

This was definitely my most productive year to date. And I got so hungry: the more I wrote, the more I just wanted to keep writing, and honestly? I’m proudest of myself for literally carving writing time whenever I got a spot into my schedule. Mostly it was from 8pm-11pm, but I had a mad run where my only free window was from 1am till I literally felt I was dying… I’ll talk about that separately🤣🤣👌

Though, I'm seriously understating it.

Like a lot of other people, I would have all these hours when I was younger when I didn't have anything to do, yet I'd still find some excuse not to write. "I'm waiting for the right time." "I'm anxious I'm not going to get it right." "Tomorrow! Tomorrow I can start right from the morning, and I'll have more time to write, yeah?" or "I'm too tired now, it's late..." and so the snowball rolled down and downhill and I found every reason under the sun not to write, now that I think about it. Sigh. So much time wasted. But I can't regret it either, because I needed those baby steps at that time.

And now! Now I do what I thought I'd never learn to: I prioritize, and I actually organize my daily stuff so it's not so impossible anymore to have a little bit of writing time. I don't take it for granted either. It feels like such character growth for me, I'm immensely proud of it.

And for the record? This year was a huge improvement over yesteryear mentally, too. It turns out, what I needed to get over my word count anxiety… was to be faced with people who literally didn’t give a fuck about it, and just cared about the story. One of the most unexpected things beta stage managed to do to me… was to quench all my anxieties. It’s as simple as that. I read and enjoy very long books. People also do that. So, I’m very happy to say I’m no longer in a tizzy about ‘quiv. It might kill my chances for trad publishing, it might not. I’ll be happy come what may.

Because it’s so simple how working on ‘quiv or thinking about it makes me joyous, and now I can just enjoy that freely. I will miss writing this story so much. I really will. But at least I’ll have it forever to reread, and I hope this thought brings comfort to everyone who also has problems letting go, like it does to me.

Let’s break it down a little, shall we?🤩

Aquiver, Aglow◇◇◇

My little star of the hour. How fond I am of it.

Like you could glean from above, ‘quiv went through three drafts this year. More specifically: in the first part of the year, practically almost as soon as February arrived. I knew it was getting closer to the final version, and gave me the push to finish all three back to back. I couldn’t justify anymore the bazillion AUs I do with rewrites (basically, WHAT IFs from events, WHAT IF it went this different way, WHAT IF Tyrone actually said this here… and so on and so forth. I wanted to test out as many pathways as possible, and did I exhaust every one of them in existence? Definitely not. I don’t think that can happen, you just keep getting new ideas. On and on. What happened, instead, is that these couple different pathways, at some point, cemented themselves as canon in my mind. I didn’t want to tease myself with alternatives anymore, and that’s when I knew they would be it. Some bits from the first draft, some from the third, some from the second. Some were even draft 6 originals!

It’s a bit of a weird process. I definitely didn’t need to reach draft 3, and meet Mezusa, because I could’ve feasibly made it work with just Yles in the story. It still would’ve made sense, though in a different way. But if I hadn’t… I might’ve missed one of the best characters I’ll ever probably have created, and the story (and Yles) is much stronger for her, if you ask me.

For that matter, yes, full rewrites every single draft might take a lot of time and effort, but honestly I don’t think I’d ever change my writing process (save for the moments of frustration when I think I will lol) because of the sheer satisfaction of it. Whoever said so long never to settle on the first version, I owe you a beer and probably some curses as well lmao, but very lovingly. You shaped my writing life.

I don’t have much else to share about ‘quiv, other than it’s off with my beta readers my beloved, and maybe a tentative promise that, if anyone wants, you’ll be able to read this precious ball of hope of mine relatively soon. This story is so gentle to me. And as much as I loved to write and work on it, I dearly hope that whoever decides to give it a go, is treated just the same. That’s the only wish I have.

I also don’t know if I’ll go trad or self-published. Instincts say trad, because I fuckin’ suck at marketing (fact), and I know I’d grow resentful if I’d have to put so many hours into advertising when I know I could instead… write. I’m a writer. That’s the only thing I know how to do. Trad, however, might not be as kind on a ~200k as life’s been, so I might not have a choice. If it comes down to that… I’ll just treat it as I do everything. I don't love this story any less if I just write, publish without a fuss, hope that maybe, just maybe, a reader or two will stumble upon the story and we could talk. Maybe we can have the fun of our lives, create some genuine connection. I know that’s applies to a lot of writers. I hope we can accomplish it.

And so, I’ll finish this section of the wrap-up with a kiss to my ‘quiv, for all the warmth it’s ever brought me. It’s come so far, I know it can live distinct from me from now on. It brings me great comfort. And I look forward to the times I’ll reread it, and we can relive our best experiences together. Never thought I’d get to this point. Thank you, ‘quiv.

Remains of a Night♤♤♤

Mwhahaha! And because ‘quiv took all the pressure, this left AoS to be an extremely fun and spirited experience. Literally the chillest I’ve ever been writing. In many ways, it’s more my thing than I expected ‘quiv to be: I get to murder characters left and right, it’s more plot-heavy and banking on the tension created by a creature that horrifies the characters down to their marrow, but still the only way to defeat it is to know it better, which, uh, might have unpleasant consequences for them. It’s got chase and stealth scenes, and it always shoots me with adrenaline to think about them. In short, exactly my jam.

It’s not a new book, nope. You knew it before as Aberration of Sunlight, but from the get-go I felt it would be bigger than ‘quiv. Very fortunately for me, I had a place where to break it, and behold: there’s RoaN (book 1), and AoS (book 2). There might be a third book, which I dearly hope not because titling sucks, but it depends on the Sycamine arc. More on that in AoS.

One last thing to note, before we delve into the story (hoo-ray for earlier drafts, because I can talk more frankly about them). This is the culprit of my 1am writing adventures!!😫❤ My schedule became too packed, then NaNo came round and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to honor how AoS began, because it was last year’s NaNo, aaand I’m happy to say I won NaNo, somehow, with 56k down before I died. At that time, I only had one section left to write (from both books), otherwise, hahahaha, yeah, it wouldn’t have flown. Still, most of draft 2 I’d written in September-October, with my fairy lights, late nights, and cups of hot cocoa, exactly like how life should be<3

Alright. We’re going through them chapter-by-chapter again, exactly because I love seeing the titles so much:

ACT 1

Cracked Visor, Scorpion Grass

I did it! I did! Twas another shower thought I managed to get down in time. Bare broken sentences, but they did the impossible, and arranged this chapter into a structure I adore to bits and won't ever change. (And 'quiv's naughty voice left me alone for once and I could write it properly!) While I don't think I'll ever be happy with a first chapter (not as a concept, but the writing — part of me will always wish that the reader just had all the information already lol), this one is in the right place.

It pays its respects to the story of the broken helmet at the foot of a spaceship, and how it reconnects Madigan with all the people who'd suffered from being tethered to the planets when they yearned to fly, but the Beast punished them cruelly for it. It makes him feel phantoms of their efforts. The tone is exactly what I needed this story to start from: melancholy and numbly hopeless, against the backdrop of the Beasts's echoed cries.

Rain Through the Universe

Unlike 'quiv, because RoaN and AoS are way more plot-heavy, it's not as easy to change things willy-nilly (whereas 'quiv was all about character bonds and dynamics). As such, it's very similar to draft 1. Because of that, I'll frankendraft next (select and combine drafts 1 and 2, rewrite to connect them) and afterwards I'll try something I've always wanted to. (Scrivener keeps hinting at it!) I'm gonna split the chapters into scenes, and focus on those individually and how I can just rewrite them and set their purpose in stone<3 I'm excited!

As for the chapter itself, gods, I love the atmosphere. Just the wreckage of a sundered ship, and Madigan’s sudden madman appearance making a lasting impression on Spica, because how could it not. They no longer answer distress calls in that age, it just means more dead bodies. In fact, they're forbidden to. Madigan instead brings him what he himself lacks: hope. And a lot of crawling around while dreading the Beast's lambent eye opening, and oh my, the moments are really flying by😈👏 extreme fun for me as the writer.

Aberration of Light

If you remember, the books follow two timelines, which will connect at some point. The first and main one is Madigan and Spica’s story. The other is Holloway’s, in the distant past of that universe, and who’s been dubbed the most selfish man in existence. That’s important, because of how the Beast came to be. But that becomes important later. For now, a weird-ass new recruit has joined the ship, and the witchy crew will very soon start making bets if she’s the Beast in human flesh, which really wouldn’t bode well for their future.

Night Falls On Their Reflection

Draft 2 became Spica’s draft. It was high time. He didn't exist in the original idea beyond chapter 2, but he refused to die with his story untold. And now he's one of the most independent thinkers I've ever written. Now he's Madigan's son (yes, even at 25), best friend, back-to-back partner all in one, and I could watch the trust and mutual respect between these two forever. To be sure: Madigan comes up with the dumbass plans, and Spica's only too happy to follow him through everything (it is good fun.)

He's repaying the incredible kindness Madigan's shown him when answering his distress call, after all.

But it goes a bit further than that, doesn't it? Madigan is used to watching over myriad people. He's the Superintendent of his planet, and while he genuinely loves people, kindness is his default. It doesn't go further than that for him. He doesn't necessarily think people need, much less desire his presence there beyond Madigan extending help, and most of the time, he's content with that. Kindness does make him happy. And it should be the same with Spica now, shouldn't it? He's kind, but he's not Spica's family, nor ever will be. Yet he immediately feels a connection with the boy, that has nothing to do with bonding over escaping-a-cosmic-disaster. And so does Spica.

This is the moment when Madigan starts feeling guilty, for stepping where he should not. But here's the beauty of Spica's character: he's nothing if not dead sure of his own feelings, and what he sees with his eyes. It's okay if Madigan keeps unexpectedly taking steps back. For very long, there'd been nobody to support Spica's beliefs. So he does the same, as when he followed his heart to go into dead space: he believes in himself and Madigan, and that their paths aren't meant to diverge. They mean too much to each other for that to ever happen.

(In short, and legend says you can still hear me screeching about these two ten thousand years later, I love these two so much, and especially the parallels between Spica going alone into outer space and loving Madigan.)

(And, okay, obviously all these developments don't happen in a single chapter, but I couldn't stop gushing🤭🥰.)

Who Puts These Tombs in Ice

Overall, I think draft 2’s Luitgart performed worse than draft 1. Mainly it's the setting I want to revert (still an icy, sempiternally dark hell, but with different ice constructions) because some of the beats are a huge improvement, and again, I gotta combine the two. Otherwise, I’m still as obsessed about the Luitgart arc as I’ve ever been, and huge thanks to it for being so strong it could function as an ending of its own, allowing me to split the book.

Gettin’ into spoilery territory, but I have to un-kill Madigan so many times it leaves me in hysterics. That was what I was supposed to fix this draft. It got worse. Considerably.

(One constant: the chapter being a love letter to Madigan, and how his first answer will always be to help the other, no matter if they deserve it or not<3 and finally, finally, he gets acknowledged for it, and the favor returned.)

ACT 2

Lemon-Dotted Days + Remnant

Two Holloway chapters! I’m actually massively pleased with how they’ve turned out. Last year, I said the main issue was that I had an outline, and that never works for me. So I did what I do best and rewrote everything from scratch, and the result is both uncanny and… unexpected.

Unexpected, because I never in my life thought Holloway’s voice would make me laugh so much. He’s supposed to be unsympathetic, but then you get his interactions with Saintlark (the new crewmate, possibly Beast) where they’re contemplating the harvest of a nebula, and he’s harshly critical of it, which gives Saintlark hope… only to go deadpan One Moment Later: if they’d used the nebula to prolong their lives instead of bolstering the war, they wouldn’t have died like clown idiots.

And, they could’ve maybe stolen immortality from the nebula. They would've had to share it with him, of course. Or he would've murdered them to get it.

That, my guys, is his personality in a nutshell.

I have a lot of feelings on Holloway now, and most involve me huffing and slapping my forehead while groaning, but oh my gods. Was it ever so fun. And wait, wait, wait. Since I'm talking of humor (apparently a lot of comedy fit into this horror lmfao) I have to show you guys the following section🤣🤣👏:

Corpse Snow

The drifters are set howling on the ice. They share glances, five separate vehicles nodding at each other. Madigan revs up the engine, splitting the air with a jet of steam and vibration.

The last of the marines are climbing into the box. A figure flashes past Madigan’s drifter — and he leans over, teeth grinding because of his ribs, and he does his very best to grab someone by the back of their suit and pull. Workout days were never his strength, though. He only succeeds in stopping them in the frost smoke.

It’s Spica dangling from his hand, expressionless.

Lieutenant Hahn instantly seizes on the situation. He throws Madigan a long, withering look. “Whatcha doing, Boss?” he asks softly, about to unhinge his jaw again.

Madigan nudges Spica into the drifter. “Picking up your boy.”

Spica gets the hint and deposits himself into the front seat, glancing from his father to his Superintendent. He seems to give up on whatever’s going on, and makes himself cozy in the frosty spot. And Madigan, of course, pretends not to notice Hahn’s drifter sliding closer.

“And you didn’t consider I might want to have my son with me?”

Madigan looks up and sighs. “Lieutenant, dear Lieutenant,” he starts pleadingly. “Why won’t you show some leniency to a poor, wounded man?”

Hahn’s drifter stops, summoning a breeze across the icy floor that gently rocks the other vehicle. His breathing distorts the comms with static. “And what exactly is my son right now?”

“My trusty navigator,” Madigan answers easily.

“Sir’s emotional walking stick?” Spica pipes in at the same time.

They both look over. Spica’s quietly turned to the navigation, as serene as daylight, seemingly oblivious to how Madigan's expression changes, lightning-fast. He quickly hides it under the guise of a polite mask, as the marines stir and turn their attention on them. They’re snickering.

Lieutenant Hahn throws up his hands, giving up on everything.

This is also the first 30k chapter I’ve ever written. It's everything I've ever wanted to do with ice.

Heart of the Void

The end of the book. Originally, it was the ending section to Corpse Snow, but since it already got so ungodly long, I chipped off that bit and I have to say I’m very happy with how it works as an epilogue! So it ends the frosty, weary journey, and I can’t see the two books as separate yet, but here we bid goodbye to the first.

Aberration of Sunlight♧♧♧

I did the unthinkable and created a fifth arc. This might not seem like much to you, but I was screaming bloody murder you guys😭😭😭. Sigh. It’s so sigh. For so long, AoS consisted of four clear-cut acts, but it was necessary. With the introduction of Sycamine, and making it two books, it was just needed. It’s still one of the worst things I’ve ever done because I was used to four😃💔

(The chapters continue from where RoaN left off – from chapter 10, to 21.)

ACT 3

Retro Spectrum

Sycamine, oh Sycamine. Definitely the break I needed before Days in Darkness. It made for a really neat beginning. It’s calmer, focusing on the knowledge they have on the Beast. It’s also a reflection on Procyon (their main star) and the story of the two straggler dog constellations, and what they'd been running away from. I liked the direction it took. It veered away from the Beast for a bit, so the tension kept expanding in the background. And when it returns, well... maybe they shouldn't have been so eager to see it again🤭.

It suffers from the same syndrome as draft 1’s first chapter… it’s there in the vicinity of the idea, but too much to the left. Not bad for a first attempt. The setting annoys me – I really don't enjoy writing cities, and AoS didn't change that. So, for our next try, I was thinking... maybe we don't need to be on the planet, but up close and veeery personal with it. It's a secret❤.

And, oh gods. I put a moustache-twirling villain in this. And then I couldn’t stop myself from naming some sucker Sweetman Calories. I don’t know what happened to me during those days, but I’m crying🤣🤣🤣.

Toast to the Light

Holloway and Saintlark’s story is slowly coming to an end. Unexpectedly bleaker than draft 1, yet it feels much more sincere. Holloway has a way of saying everything Saintlark needs to hear. No surprise. They did that to themselves.

Dissonant Recognition

Ahhhh, the Madigan-is-slowly-losing-his-grip-on-reality chapter, or maybe he should really stop staring into the suns. One of my favorites<3 Also because it features Moren (!!!) who has a blast staying in the grey morality area, because she doesn’t know if her actions could ever matter, or if she could change anything. Does she just exist? Is she a player or just pawn? Who knows. Besides that, she gets along great with Spica. They form such a teasing duo, the level of mutual respect they felt for each other on sight was a delight to write. My favorite ally of theirs, even if her destiny lies elsewhere.

Night Beneath the Elevator

Best title hands down, dethroning Solgesis. I’m going batshit crazy about the visuals, it's exactly my thing. This half-light slanted over an elevator waiting in a rundown basement to be boarded. And there's something underneath it, and always has been. Something insidiously creeping up and waving its tendril fingers at you as you're just waiting for the fucking thing to ascend. Immaculate, guys, I'm telling you, and I'm cursing my hands because I can't make a wallpaper of this. I want to eat that atmosphere.

Time-sensitive missions, y'all.

And why the heck did nobody inform me I was going to add Command as an actual character and have them talk with Madigan?! That entire convo, made up entirely on the spot but somehow with a direction, made me realize what an idiot I’d been for not doing it sooner. They mean so much to Madigan, after all.

(And Mariya. So much Mariya in these chapters.)

ACT 4

Loop System

Like Who Puts These Tombs in Ice, draft 1 might’ve done it better. Not Spica and Madigan, though, because of the sheer development Spica’s been through and the dynamic he’s managed to form with the crew. It's different from Madigan’s, but similar enough that it’s got Hahn commenting lightly: [Spica’s] picked up quite a few habits from Madigan, hasn’t he? Almost as if they’ve gotten very very close, huh? How about Madigan tell him more?

(I adore writing Hahn.)

Outreach

Another Holloway chapter. Doesn’t have the punch of the kids subplot from draft 1, but this just makes it worse for Saintlark personally, because, this time, the consequences are on her.

Days in Darkness

I knew the moment I first got the idea this would be my favorite chapter. Well, it finally happened in draft 2: when the entire crew is here, this time, and ready for the final countdown, to relive the experience of being trapped in a ship that's disintegrating. No more heroes left behind. I'd been so tired writing this chapter in draft 1, but this time around it was incredible. Everything went up sharply from here, both in terms of events and how on fire I was.

(Maybe less than the gorgon, but I was.)

ACT 5

Echo Terminal

The first of the two log chapters.

I've never written smoother, more visual chapters than in this period. Days in Darkness changed me so much, I was writing day and night by this point and couldn't get enough. Well, I hit my limit in the second half of the very last chapter, but I am beyond satisfied. Even the Beast's metamorphosis took me by storm, because I'd been wondering what the final verbs, the final images, the final design for it was going to be. I didn't expect it to come to me this early, and with such thrill. Those were my very best days of the year, and I toast to them.

(And I knew it was going to be fantastic when Halo's Warthog Run OST started blaring in my head, with as much adrenaline.)

Where, Now? + Solgesis

My beloved. The second and last of the two log chapters, but it’s Noelle Saintlark’s log.

Holloway’s timeline ends here. Or maybe it just gets carried into the future. I thought I’d want to rewrite his parts again, make the plot just a tiny bit more psychedelic and nonsensical because it’s so close to the Beast… but Solgesis put all my fears to rest. Even the formatting and layout is a bit of that special thing I’ve always wanted to try, and it really changes the perspective of the previous chapters. There's a new confession that stands at the heart of Holloway's stories.

Honestly, the only thing that needs urgent working on is the anger at the end of the chapter.

Anger is so hard for me to write sometimes. Not because I don’t connect with it, but because I feel self-conscious writing it. The wildest I felt it was when I tackled 'quiv's chapter 3 and Imera's Turning speech, both in quick succession (before I'd even written draft 1. I'd been taking notes.) Since then... I just thing back to how keenly I'd felt that anger, and I kind of intimidate myself out of it. Kind of like a natural resistence, I quench it from myself. Which is actually hilarious when you think about it. It’s like I’m going I BANISH THEE FROM MY BRAIN because generally, as a person, I dislike feeling and operating on anger. But no worries. I’m going to find a way around it.

Watch me😎.

What Goes Around…

(Now it’s the time for me to start crying some rivers, and, alright, it won’t be visible so I’ll say it: the chapter titles are holding a conversation, guys. They speak to each other. And sometimes it’s both sides of the same coin, like how What Goes Around (comes around) hints here. If you take two chapters, one from the beginning and one from the end (for example 1 and 21) it'll tell you a little secret. Okay, What Goes Around and Rain Through the Universe communicate through their plot, which I can’t spoil but of course it has to do with Madigan and Spica and how they first meet… but there is one title pair that does it best visibly.

Lemon-Dotted Days and Days in Darkness.

And I hadn’t even planned this. All the parallels I wanted to draw… I feel like they built themselves, guys. They really did, and it makes me so wildly happy I don’t even know how to stop my hands from flailing.

And, with them being 21 chapters, they meet in the middle, on the one unpaired chapter.

Called Toast to the Light.

I friggin’ love everything.

New Sunrise, Forget-Me-Right

Of course, Forget-Me-Right is a play on Scorpion Grass. But it’s also such a gentle name for the chapter, because everything ends here. Lying on their backs, staring out into the universe, and it really, really is over. Just a dark horizon on which stars flare and bloom. And suddenly, that maddened rush to make every sacrifice count, to remember every soul they’ve encountered because the legend says the Beast absorbs you when it kills you – all that suffocating pressure dissipates. Lightness remains. Because they’ve protected each other.

For the first time in my writing journey, blood rushed to my head with such emotion I had to stop writing, which never happens. I had to look up and exclaim, holy fuck. But how could I not, considering how the story ends for the Beast? I am speechless. A lot of gorgeous surprises this draft.

Conclusion□●□

Whew, what a year it's been! As for how 2024 will probably look like, though I don't like making plans: finishing the beta stage for 'quiv, and tackling RoaN and AoS's draft 3. Thaaaat one I'm actually starting on Christmas, when I can (finally!!) reread draft 2 with my mug of hot cocoa (or maybe mulled wine for a change) and, no surprises here, I'm hyper stoked for that<3 <3 <3 I legit can't wait to see where the new draft brings them. I might not have set any expectations for them, but they're vying to keep up with 'quiv and I adore it🤭❤

As for my lovely friends... well, you know by how I spam your tags how much I adore you and wish you happiness forever🤩🥺🥳 I don't know what my activity will look like in the near future, so for now I won't be saying anything, and my semi-hiatus continues. Semi, because you're unforgettable and I crave to see what everyone's been up to and (!!!!) what you've written!

So let's meet in 2024 again, and all the best wishes to you, the reader🥰🥂❤.

#ayearofwriting #2023 #aquiver-aglow #aberration of sunlight

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house-strong · 1 year

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༄࿔ unbent and unbroken

summary ; drabble requested by anon as part of my 1k follower celebration.

“Naz (Urdu) - assurance/pride in knowing that the other’s love is unconditional and unshakable with Jace ❤️”

pairing ; jacaerys velaryon x betrothed!reader

notes ; au where visenya lives and nyra ends up as queen AND has all six children living, because that’s my favorite trope 🧡 slight warning because jacaerys is a certified lover boy and this made ME shy writing it,, it’s also currently 1am so very obviously unrevised sorry lads

all young lords from across the country had flocked to king’s landing to court the princess visenya targaryen. queen rhaenyra, first of her name, decreed that visenya would choose her own suitor – the same luxury her father had granted her all those years ago. these courtships lasted almost a month and jacaerys was quickly tiring of the constant attention.

his mother, somehow, persuaded him to stay when he was threatening to leave a fortnight in to the occasion. she told him that he was the prince of dragonstone and crowned heir to the iron throne, and it was one of his duties to see his only sister off.

to share his agony, he dragged you, his betrothed, with him to kings landing. it wasn’t much so dragging, per se, you loved celebrations; the music, the attire, the food. despite being promised to the heir of the iron throne, lords from across the lands always found some way to flirt with you, whisking you away from your handsome prince.

instead of being your knight in shining armor, jacaerys would grin and watch the lords take you away. he never paid any mind. no jealousy, no spite, or sour looks. he was absolutely confident in your faithfulness. despite not being married just yet, you and jacaerys shared an indestructible bond – one that he put his all in. when alone, you two would gossip about what the lords would willingly tell you. jacaerys thought it was hilarious how much trust they had put in you within mere hours.

his attention is torn away from the conversation he was having with his mother. he knows it’s disrespectful, especially in front of crowds, to not be listening to his queen mother, but he didn’t care. instead, a smile spreads his lips open like the way a crowd does when royalty approaches. he’s watching you carefully, his stomach twisting in knots, doing flips, somersaults, as he watches you toss your head back and laugh – it’s loud, boisterous, and undoubtedly you.

no envy, no anger – only bliss. he’s ready to chuckle himself as if he heard what you were laughing about, but the touch on his shoulder brings him back to the present. he turns to his mother, mouth slack as he realizes his disrespect. he’s ready to apologize, but the soft look on his mother’s face dissuades him.

“you’re not worried?” she asks, following where his gaze had once gone. the queen is eyeing you and surprisingly, a smile hugs her right cheek.

his attention returns to you and he shakes his head, dark strands of hair bouncing with volume, “not at all. look at her, she’s marvelous, isn’t she?”

queen rhaenyra’s eyes return to jacaerys, where she watches him continue to smile absentmindedly at the sight of you conversing with other lords. he reminds her so much of her former lover; like a spitting image.

the same devotion jacaerys bears for you is something she’s envious of – it was something she herself had all those years ago.

“she returns to me, without fail, every night. they can laugh with her all they want, but she’s mine,” jacaerys continues, hand settling on the loop of his belt, “and i am hers.”

the words make thoughts become real and he feels pride bloat in his chest. tenderness, sincerity, and unconditional, irrevocable love floods his being when he fully understands that he’s off the deep end. he’s infatuated, so desperately in love with you. you are to jacaerys as wine is to a drunkard – he wants to drown himself in you and keep you by his side, his cup never emptying.

feeling a hard stare that’s almost burning holes into your skull, you turn your head and meet jacaerys’ distracted gaze. your smile only seems to broaden and the prince feels himself swoon. he’s so lucky, lucky in the fact he’s found love doing his duty, and blessed that it’s you. he gives you an equally big grin, his teeth poking out beneath his pink lips.

he’s perfectly imperfect and you’re beautifully crafted by the gods themselves.

you give him a bashful wave, one that he returns smoothly. he can hear his mom giggling beside him, but he doesn’t care. lords and lady’s can call him names, his uncles can call him a lovesick fool, but he’d rather be that with you by his side than anything else.

you’re both staring at each other now, each gaze soft and full of unwavering adoration.

he notices that your mouth moves in silent words.

he’s sure it’s saying, ‘i love you.’

jacaerys bites his lip to try and conceal the wicked grin that’s eating at his cheeks – a harsh fatigue beginning to settle under the flesh. he waits a few moments before he mouths the same exact phrase back to you.

“excuse me, your grace,” he moves to give his mother a chaste kiss on the cheek. he dips his head in respect before moving away, making a beeline towards where you were. he finally reaches you, smiling at the other lords, “pardon me, my lords, but my betrothed is needed elsewhere.”

the lords mutter words of ‘my prince’, ‘my lady’, and perhaps a goodbye was thrown in. jacaerys doesn’t pay mind to it, for he slips his hand into yours and pulls you into his side, leading you away from the crowd.

you giggle, “i’m needed elsewhere, am i?”

jacaerys shoots you a look in the corner of his eye; he was never a good liar.

“yes, your handsome and dashing, young prince needs you.”

“handsome and dashing, hm? let me know when you see him.” you tease.

it’s jacaerys’ turn to laugh and he gently pinches you through your dress, you jump at the action.

“maybe i should just return you to the lords over there?” his steps slow and his brows furrow, his arm removing itself from the small of your back. he gently motions towards the lords he had just taken you from. he starts walking toward them, a grin on his lips. his cheeks are crying out, but the pain is worth it.

you swat at him and pull him back towards you, “you wouldn’t dare.”

“want to see?”

#jacaerys velaryon imagine #jacaerys velaryon blurb #jacaerys velaryon x reader #jacaerys velaryon fanfic #jacaerys imagine #hotd x reader #hotd imagine #hotd fic #hotd blurb #my writing #house-strong 1k celebration

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venbetta · 9 months

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I realized with the whole "girl dinner" thing on tiktok is something I've completely done before without thinking out it

I've seen vids of everyone's "girl dinner" and think "Wow, that's so silly/dumb. I'm glad I haven't done that!"

And then I remembered all the times I would be drawing for 7+ hours, it'll be 1 am, and I would be like "huh. I feel like crap. I need to eat." BUT ITS 1AM and everyone is sleeping. And I'm too tired to actually heat up dinner and worry about waking someone

There have been times where I would grab a cookie or a KitKat from the pantry and just go to bed. I THINK I ATE A COLD LEFTOVER PANCAKE WITH MY BARE HANDS ONCE.

So yes, girl dinner. Very real.

#food cw #girl dinner #text post #ven speaks #random #i know-- “terrible eating habits” aahhh!?!#but like... it just kinda happens #i dont do it intentionally #sometimes the art grind never stops #and i pay the consequences

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sourbombz · 3 months

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So my friend made a joke about how I need to stop timelooping Yuma (because I keep replaying the game) and now I've just been thinking about timelooping him so here's a thought dump about a timeloop AU

Spoilers!!

How the timeloop itself functions/started I have two ideas for at the moment

one being: the idea that Yuma didnt leave the mystery labrynth at the end, and he's basically reliving the mystery over and over again due to his soul wandering forever (I feel mixed on this because I like the idea of everyone being Real and not just the result of a labrynth but this is also a very fun idea to think about as well? Hm)

The other being: the emergency exit.. didnt work how it was supposed to and suddenly Yumas back where he started and also stuck. Also Shinigamis not actually gone (because I don't want her to be!!)

Other than those ideas hhh I dunno forces beyond our comprehension (me I am the forces)

Okay, other fun things

Yuma: he's the center of the timeloop, so he's aware of it. He's so tired, he still doesn't have his past memories but he has future ones now! (Soooo he knows he's Number One, and everything)

Shinigami: she's also aware of it/stuck! She doesn't mind it, less boring than being trapped in a book and she gets more time with Yuma! Joyous!

Fubuki: I think it'd be so fun if Fubuki like.. was also kinda stuck with him, she's the time gal afterall! Although she's Fubuki so she's probably more so "also stuck, but also oblivious"

Vivia: I feel a need to bring him up, and I don't know if I really think he'd be really stuck since time in particular isn't his thing? But yeah udk (I've thought about making him aware because I'm a kokolight shipper and POTENTIAL but I'm on the fence)

Makoto: I guess it depends on how the timeloop itself works on if Makoto knows of it/is stuck as well here or not. So I'm gonna go with "he may or may not it's honestly hard to tell"

All other characters would probably not be aware of it. So I won't talk about them right now

Anyway yeah I imagine at first Yumas like "WHAT HUH WHY WHATS HAPPENING" and then after calming down starts assessing situation and trying to like, do what a lot of people would probably do in that circumstance and try to do things better, save people who died, all of that as ya do.. annddd the timeloop doesn't stop and its a nightmare

I dont have a SINGLE clue how stopping it would happen. All I know is loop loop loop loop

Anyway here's some of my brainstorm doodles the first page I did at 1am before I had anything really thought of, enjoy (idk of its obvious but I am also a Kaguford (Makoto x fubuki) fan, I just think they're cute)

There's so much more I want to think about like hey he knows Yakous murder plot now how would he go forward with that information, how would he go about the cases in the game in general? Augh so much to think about but those are my current thoughts YAY

#I like the idea of Shini and Yuma being in a qpr in this universe as well #I just like the idea of them in a qpr okay #yuma kokohead #shinigami #fubuki clockford #rain code #mdarc #timeloop au #raincode #raincode timeloop au #sour txt

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strawberrymilk-sunshine · 2 years

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Mutilation for the sake of science!

One of my hopes for the twst anime is that they animate the events as like special episodes or smth :) I know that realistically they probably won't, but it'd be cool, y'know?

Not proofread - I am unbelievably exhausted.

Warning(s): uh so you know that movie where a guy gets turned into a walrus? it's not described but it's implied that at the end you go through surgery to (unwillingly) become a sea creature, drugging, maybe not great writing since it's 1am and I just finished this I'm so fucking tired

You saw a headling in a newspaper from something like fifty years ago... it was an expose on some kind of science group.

Mutilation in the name of science?! You may have seen an advertisement from a group known as Lamprey Research Co., "Donate your body to science today! Lamprey Research Co., building a better tomorrow for humanity, today." though, unfortunately, this seems to be a scam of some sort. According to a reliable source, the members of the group will not use your body to further scientific research. The group's PR representative, Jade Leech, denied these rumours, but

The paper had been torn apart after years, so that was where it ended.

You like to think of yourself as an ameteur ghost hunter. You have a blog where you document your explorations of very obscure supposedly 'haunted' places. Of course you know ghosts and monsters don't actually exist, you just like feeling creeped out and exploring the buildings, you love hearing the stories and legends of these places... and today, you're exploring a 'haunted office building'- the offices of Lamprey Research Co.

According to locals, there were only three actual people who ran Lamprey Research Co., and one day all three of them disappeared without a trace.

They say it was more than just those three who disappeared withough a trace, though. They say many people would enter the building, but none of them would ever be seen leaving.

You were excited to see what lies in wait. Even if you don't find anything, it'll be fun to explore!

Have you ever thought about humanity's impeding doom? Have you ever thought "I wish I could do something about that..." Well, you can! You can help humanity survive the innevitable disaster of the land being swallowed by the sea! Lamprey Research Co. needs your body to further scientific research! For more information, please call the number below.

The number below matched the faded number on the sign above the building. The sign itself had lots of graffiti on it, but you could definitely make out the important letters.

You walked inside.

The inside of the building looked like a typical waiting room, you could imagine this room full of life... but as of now, this place is dead. Only three people worked here back in the day, allegedly. And apparently, they had good business. You don't know why why they didn't hire more people...

There were only two other rooms, one behind the front desk that was probably for private business stuff like paperwork and all that, and the other one- judging by the contracts remaining in the room- was for negotiating and conversing with their... patients? Based on all the ads, paitents sounds like the right term to use...

"I hope something happens and it doesn't turn out this is just an abandoned office building..." You said to yourself, setting up your sleeping bag. You decided you would stay the night here, to observe for yourself if the place really was haunted. But until night falls, you have exploring to do.

You found a creepy basement... but it was full of things you'd expect to see in this sort of business. Surgery tools, an operating table, human anatomy diagrams plastered on the walls... but what was not normal were the three mummified human bodies in some kind of special chambers, almost like aquarium tanks without water.

"Oh ho ho, how intriguing~!" You said to yourself, pulling out your camera. You knew what you would tell your followers: "Found no ghosts, but check THIS OUT!!" this'll be a hit story!

There's nothing else really here for you so might as well go back upstairs You stepped on something, something that made a 'click' sound. Whatever it was, it probably wasn't good... you made your way back upstairs, choosing to ignore it, however.

You went to sleep in your sleeping bag, planning to upload the photos of the mummies tomorrow, as well as investigate what that click was.

However... that is not what would happen tomorrow.

When you woke up, you heard what seemed to be a conversation between three people.

"Ughhhh... this is unfair! I still feel all dry and dead..."

"That's to be expected. We were mummified for... fifty years, I believe. A few minutes in your true form should rehydrate you fully."

"Not now, we don't have enough room! You're easily twelve feet long in your true form, it'd be horrible if you did that while I'm performing the surgery!"

"But Azuuuuuuuuul...! I'm all dryyyyyyy... and I'm not supposed to beeeeeee...!"

"Oh! It seems that the patient is awake."

"What?!"

When you opened your eyes, you saw them. Three people who, for all intents and purposes, seemed to be the mummified bodies you'd seen last night, now revitalized.

"A-ah! Good morning, patient 18!" The one standing directly above you had light grey hair, blue eyes, and was wearing glasses. "You're really not supposed to be awake right now, and I'd appreciate if you could go back to sleep now!"

"W-WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!" You yelled out, realizing you were on the operating table in the creepy basement you found last night. You were even strapped to the table, almost like they expected you to wake up at some point.

"Please calm down, patient 18." The one who said that had teal hair with a single strip of darker teal on his left side, and he had heterochromatic eyes. "I assure you, everything will be fine. We simply need to remove the skin and muscles on your legs. Then, we can begin the fusing of your bones to create your tail."

'WHAT THE FUCK A-ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" You screamed, even more terrified than before.

"Jeez, stop screaming." The third person seemed to be identical to the last one, save for the fact that the strip of dark teal was on the right side. "You signed up for this, didn't ya?"

"What do you mean...? I-I didn't sign up for anything...!"

"Well yes, technically you didn't sign up for anything, however... you must be very dedicated to science in order to go through the trouble of revitalizing us! Now, allow me to introduce myself properly. My name is Azul Ashengrotto, general manager/contract consultant/researcher/surgeon of Lamprey Research Co., bulding a bertter tomorrow for humanity, today." The grey haired one said. "Pleasure to meet you, patient 18, and thank you for allowing us to use your body to further human evolution."

"I didn't allow you to do anything!"

"Are you perhaps nervous about the surgery?" Azul asked. "I assure you it's 100% safe, I have done this 17 times before, all with complete success! In fact, patient 1 survived and remained conscious and lucid for an entire year before dying of mysterious causes."

"AKA goldfishie offed himself." The right side twin shrugged. "Not sure why though! He had suuuuuuuch a good life here, didn't he, Jade?"

"Yes, I suppose... although in patient 1's case, we were keeping him alive forcefully. Ah, my apologies, patient 18, I haven't introduced myself. My name is Jade Leech, treasurer/webpage designer/ad designer/PR representitive of Lamprey Research Co., we thank you for allowing us to use your body to preserve humanity after the innevitable doomsday that will occurr."

"I'm the last one to introduce myself, but don't think for a second I'm explaining what's going on. That's Azul's job. What's up patient 18? I'm Floyd."

"What is there to explain?" Azul asked. "We know that the sea will eventually swallow the land, and the only way humanity can survive is if they evolve into marine creatures! All we're trying to do is preserve humanity!" There was a long pause. "Or at least, that's what I would tell unsuspecting humans such as yourself to lure them in, not unlike an anglerfish."

""We've confirmed that you are a part of the human population we are trying to purge." Jade told you. "We found a sea scale charm with your belongings."

"Sure, the scares on your charm were painted metal, but the mere fact that you have it represents the exact thing we are trying to remedy." Azul told you. "Long ago, there was a myth that the scales of merfolk brought good luck."

"There were many such myths regarding merfolk." Jade explained. "It was said that the tailfins of morays such as myself could disspell evil spirits."

"What... w-what do you mean, such as yourself...?" You asked, still not quite understanding the situation you're in.

"Nah, that was for running faster! Squid tentacles were for dispelling evil spirits." Floyd added.

"Ah yes, my mistake."

"And as for octopus merfolk like me... it was said that food made from the tentacles of octo-mer would contain the octo-mer's regenerative abilities." Azul explained to you. "As such, all three of us were very isolated as children. When we reached our teenage years, we decided to come on land to inflict pain upon the humans we saw participating in the superstision."

"I'll go prepare the acid~!" Floyd said, walking off.

"The humans caught onto us, however. We needed some kind of plan, the humans would surely kill us if they found out we were merfolk... so, while in these human forms you see before you currently, I used a spell to mummify and preserve us. The spell would come undone when the body was exposed to seawater- and you so graciously flooded those tanks I put us in with seawater by pressing that button last night." Jade explained. "Many thanks for that by the way, patient 18."

"We shall reboot our old business and continue inflicting pain upon the superstisious humans." Azul told you, a smile on his face. He then injected something into your shoulder. "Now, please go to sleep, patient 18! When you awake, the surgery will be complete."

They'll take good care of you. You won't die, not on their watch.

They'll make sure you stay alive. Even if you beg to die, they'll keep you alive.

Your disappearance would be covered up as a donation to science.

You should've never come here.

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circular-bircular · 6 months

Note

do you have any recommendations for any pro-endo spaces/accounts on here? we've been steadily going down the anti-endo -> syscourse unallogned -> pro endo route, and getting to the more pro endo side of things, we feel very. stuck. most of the good accounts we know and follow and enjoy the content of are anti-endo/unalligned. and we'd love to follow more pro-endo accounts or even join some pro endo spaces like discord servers. but its really intimidating!

like most of the time we've interacted with pro endos has been on the anti-endo side of the debate. and that means we've just seen the worst of pro endos. the racists the ableists the radinclus. and we don't really know where to go to find pro endos who arent. like that.

i think you of all people would 100% know what i mean. youve also had a hard time with the pro endo community and are also pro endo. so i thought you'd maybe have some advice or blog recs or discord recs or something!

Sure thing! I absolutely get what you mean. It’s hard constantly getting shit on by your own community.

In terms of pro-endos, shout out to @indigochromatic and @mournfall-syscourse for having a lot of good discussions with me constantly about various topics. They’ve been a huge blessing in my life, and have helped clarify a lot for me in terms of what endogenic systems are experiencing. I’m also close with the various moderators of SAS, almost all of them being unaligned or pro-endo — and the main moderator having experienced a fairly familiar journey to me, going from anti to more neutral to pro.

In terms of servers: the @debunkingsystemscringe server is great. Not sure if the mod still has a link to the server up, but I find it a great place for discussion and vents alike about syscourse topics. If you’d like to stray away from syscourse, but still want a fun recovery space with pro-endos, indigo introduced me to a great server — but I’m not very comfortable just posting the link to this charged blog. I’d DM them for the link!

Lastly, while I’m no longer in the server, Survivor’s Network was a home to me for long enough that I would be remiss to leave it out. While it has a large amount of anti-endos, they majority of them are the “I’m so tired of ableism” brand, which everyone can agree on, and it’s an actual mixed space server. There’s pro-endos there, and the fact is, the majority of syscourse discussions aren’t about origins; they’re about how CDD systems function, and the research into CDDs. Because it’s a CDD server. And the focus is recovery.

I’m sadly not in as many pro-endo spaces as I would like. I don’t feel welcomed in those spaces at all, especially lately. It’s very clear to me that many individuals are determined that I’m a horrible anti-endo in disguise, and being the person I am, I don’t want to make more people uncomfortable. I know that simply being in even the spaces I’ve listed, discussing my current insights and beliefs, has led to people not only leaving those spaces, but harassing me afterward for “invading spaces” I don’t belong in.

My suggestion to you is to ignore that, like I have tried to do. I have gained so much from being in those spaces that do accept me, regardless of what is believed or said about me, and it’s made me more understanding as a result.

Sorry this got so long! It’s 1am and I’m prone to rambling 😰 I hope this helps somehow!

#syscourse #asks #anon #vessel on a calming sea #pro-endo #endo safe #pro endo

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sunsetrubdowns · 5 months

Text

Also. Hi. I remembered I can talk as much as I want to on here. Do you want to hear about this guy I kind of broke up with but kind of wasnt really dating to begin with and will probably have to break up with again for good measure. This actually turned into an insanely long post because it's an insane situation so I'm putting it under a cut because I love you and your scrolling experience and it's probably incoherent anyways

So. Well you may or may not be aware but I was couch surfing for like 3 weeks in September and a friend of mine who I met through work helped me out a lot with moving my stuff out of my apartment and into storage and helping me get my shit together. And in the weeks leading up to me moving out/while I was homeless we spent a lot of time together (like. Pretty much every day LOL) because I needed to be constantly distracted and he apparently had all the free time in the world. Cool!

Now it's important to give the context that he had asked me out back in like June and I said no because not only did I think we had very little chemistry and he was very needy but ALSO I was going through one of the worst depressive periods in my life. Really just was not the vibe at the time. Also my read on the situation was 100% correct like I was right about everything lol.

So you know obviously I'm aware that he has a little crush on me this whole time but I'm in a truly delusional headspace where I'm like well this is not so bad :) I'm having fun hanging out with him so whatever happens, happens :). And what happens is that WHILE I am still homeless we end up having a little feelings talk where I'm like well this is nice but I've kind of got a lot going on right now and I need to settle my life situation out before I'm comfortable getting into anything official or serious. And he's like yeah I totally understand that. But then maybe a week later after I secure and move into my place he IMMEDIATELY. And I mean like immediately. Starts calling me his girlfriend. Not to me but to other people. Like going around to my coworkers and people at work to be like btw we're together now :). Which made me kind of uncomfortable but I just brushed it off because I am a huuuuuge pushover and I was like, sure I guess we're together. Even though I'm very private about my personal life and it took me like a good month to refer to him as my boyfriend out loud and I didn't even MENTION him to my best friends (hi besties) for a couple weeks after that. Because I was like damn I don't even know what to say. Also he never even attempted to do anything more than hold my hand a few times so we were still just hanging out the way we had been to begin with.

And THEN he started coming to the bowling alley where I work every single night and just like.... hanging around for hours and hours until we closed to drive me home (6 blocks away) and to talk to me while I'm working and on my breaks. And when he drove me home after work every SINGLE night he would park and walk me to my door and unless I was very clearly like yeahhh I'm exhausted Goodnight Bye :) he would often invite himself into my apartment just to hang around until I was like. Okay I have to go to bed because it's after 1am please leave. And it got to the point where I felt like I never had any time to myself and my social battery was constantly at 0 and I was also spending way more money than was within my budget because he was dragging me out to eat and do things constantly and to go to Disneyland and shit and also at the place where I work every single day and not leaving no matter how clearly Im like hey sorry I'm just. soooo tired right now and work is so busy etc. There were only THREE days in October that I had totally to myself. I could barely even find time to spend with my roommate I had just moved in with and he also was not really seeming to spend time with any of his own friends when he'd had an incredibly active social life like, just a month ago.

It was starting to really freak me out that I felt like he was trying to replace not only his previous long term girlfriend who broke up with him earlier this year but also his entire social circle. With lil old me. And I felt like he was trying to force a level of familiarity with me that simply was not there like... man you don't even KNOW me like that don't talk to me like you know me. Don't talk to me like you know me when you're also trying so hard all the time to like, impress me and prove something to me.

It got to the point by mid October that I was like desperate for time to myself to decompress and process things and most of my mental energy was going to trying to find ways to avoid him and scripting a breakup speech in my head. And instead of trying to talk to ME he would go into my workplace and try to ask my work friends. While they were working. For advice on what to do when I seemed distant or unhappy. And even though they really only ever told him to just communicate with me he decided to wait until the day before Halloween to be like "I realized that I was maybe doing to much by going to hang around your workplace every day and also it's been a month and a half but I want to officially ask you to be my girlfriend now :)" and was somehow genuinely shocked when I said no. And basically outlined everything I've said here to be like I need to be left alone or I'm going to kill myself a little bit so please leave me alone.

But it seems like what he took out of the conversation was "I need to take some naps and then I'll feel better and then we can go back to normal :)" because he just kept being like "how do you feel how are you doing you look better are you feeling rested" and continuing to go to my coworkers and my roommate at work and asking about me and show up at the bowling alley frequently and text me continually as I just brushed him off over and over and eventually stopped replying to his messages. Until finally last week I was working on a day I normally don't work and he came in and I, again, kind of brushed him off when he came to just like do small talk with me. So he went to my roommate who was also working to be like "oh I think I'm going to talk to them today we need to talk but I don't know if they just want to be left alone or not..." while she (blessed angel that she is) just refused to give him any real information. But then he just kept like, trying to chitchat with me while I was working so I started brushing him off again and he ended up going to my roommate AGAIN to vent about me. And then left and texted her all this stuff about how he doesn't know if I like him anymore but he's just going to leave me alone and try to get over me etc and how he's been so stressed over stuff with his parents etc etc and framing it as if HE is breaking things off with ME. But since then has continued to go to her to ask about me and talk about how he's trying to get over me and heartbreak and whatever and etc. But has not expressed anything at all to me personally in any capacity since I told him I needed space.

Meanwhile I've gone on multiple dates with someone I genuinely really like and who has slept over at my apartment multiple times LOL. And there are so many little details of weird shit that I've had to cut for time here but like genuinely what the hell man

Anyways have I mentioned that this man is 34 years old. Because he's 34 years old. And if you've read all this you are so cordially invited to share your thoughts and/or guess his chart placements in the replies. Funny as fuck situation that I'm in

#🍀#and now Ive made a tumblr post about it to get it all out. god bless america

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