#i don't talk to people anymore -- everyone's schedules got so messed up that even my friends who i spoke to regularly

[liminalweirdo]

.

#actually looking back through my ao3 my real dissatisfaction with my writing really only started in 2021 #after a couple of years of almost exclusively co-writing #i always attributed the decline in quality to 2018 when i was so burnt out i lost significant ability to perform IADLs #but it was definitely c. late 2021 and early 2022 #when i could sense the decline in my writing skill and enjoyment and so took multiple breaks from co-writing to write solo again #it's weird i co-wrote (and did written roleplays) SO MUCH as a teenager and in my early 20s #and never developed this massive block when i wrote solo back then #maybe it was partially the pandemic #i know my inability to go out in the world has significantly impacted my connection to like... reality and The Real World and Society #i don't talk to people anymore -- everyone's schedules got so messed up that even my friends who i spoke to regularly #when Work Hours were a thing for me all faded a lot #like we're still friends but i don't speak to anyone but my partner regularly #it's so lonely? #anyway i think i made the right choice when i started exclusively writing solo again but i sure miss the excitement and drive of co-writing #idk maybe i just need a boost #mutuals who want to co-write a SDT fic with me hit me up #seriously #disability #liminal scrawlings

[neptuneiris]

cardigan (3/3)

I knew you, leavin' like a father, running like water

pairing: modern!aemond × best friend reader!

summary: being in love with your best friend since high school becomes a strong and unavoidable feeling. until it starts to become more difficult when you get to college and the two of you, especially him, meet new people.

word count: 8.8k

previous part • next part

After forcing yourself to forget about Aemond, start having every intention of having fun with your friends no matter what and get a few drinks… you did it.

You managed to have fun and have a really good time with your real friends.

Even though you got your heart broken, you felt really bad and had to endure that ugly sharp pain in your chest along with all that sadness, pain, anger and disappointment…. you drank and forgot about everything to focus on the moment.

You even met new people, all friends of Ryan's.

The next day, in Sara's room at the dorm, you didn't even remember their names or almost half of the things that happened at the party.

Until she reminded you herself and showed you videos of everyone together with those people dancing and having a good time.

Then, remembering what had happened before you decided to have fun, you felt that urge to cry again.

Fortunately Sara didn't ask you about him, it was as if she had forgotten about him and you were thankful for that since you didn't have to talk to her about anything.

However, after Sara does you the favor of taking you home, even though the place doesn't really feel like that anymore, nervous, cautious and not really having the energy and courage to face him, you still open the door of the apartment and enter.

But you get the big surprise that he's not even here.

Incredulous, you think to yourself that he must have stayed with his girlfriend again. And you quickly attend to Vhagar and yourself, wanting to occupy your mind so that you don't seriously cry at that moment.

Did he really completely forgot my birthday?

You didn't even need to know, the answer to the question was pretty clear when you got to the apartment since he didn't show up for the rest of the day either.

And you didn't know if you felt grateful for it since you didn't want to see him or it made you feel worse about the fact that he really had completely forgotten you and your special day.

So the best you could do at that moment, was to take a bath, eat a little and then look for a job again around your area.

You want to keep your mind busy, you don't want to think about him, so you don't rest and you don't take your eyes off your phone until you find a job.

Until you finally find a job at a flower shop near the university as the store's receptionist and where the working hours fit your schedule perfectly. They don't ask for experience either.

That day, even though your head hurts and you still haven't recovered one hundred percent from the previous party, you take pills, get some rest and head to the flower shop.

And the next few days, it's back to living alone in the apartment.

Since you completely ignored Aemond's messages that night, neither you nor he have spoken again, not even a phone call.

You no longer ask him if he will come to eat, what special food he wants in case he does, where he is or where he spent the night.

You don't do it anymore because you no longer want to or care.

You also no longer do his laundry, the little he has here really, and now you simply clean up the mess you make and only buy food for yourself.

He probably has to come to the apartment when you are in class and you are grateful for that, even though you feel more broken inside every day that passes and you see again how he completely forgot your birthday.

He doesn't say anything to you, he doesn't even make the slightest effort, he doesn't see you and doesn't seem to have the intention of doing so any time soon.

Does it hurt? Yes, very much.

But you know you are no one to tell him what he can and can't do, who he can and can't be with.

Just as you don't have to remind him that it was your birthday, nor should you tell him that he forgot all about it.

He knows what he is doing, he makes his own decisions, he is no longer a child,… and neither are you.

That's why despite being very upset, sad and broken, really not wanting to you still force yourself to try to communicate with him.

You've got the job and there's a dorm room available at the residence halls, so now you just want to give him the key to the apartment.

Although nothing would be better than just leaving and nothing else, but you know you can't do that.

After all, he helped you a lot financially by offering you your own space here, basically for free.

But yet when you text and call him a few times as you start packing, he doesn't respond.

He responds very late at night only telling you that he's staying the night with Alys. And when you ask him if you can see each other and talk, he doesn't respond anymore.

Until more days go by and you unsuccessfully, feeling really annoyed with him, you tell yourself that enough is enough.

You ask Ryan to help you transport your things to your new home and you definitely break all ties with Aemond by bringing Vhagar with you as well.

With him pretending you no longer exist, as if he didn't have his best friend living with him, or apparently so it was, so now you also do the exact same thing.

You pretend he no longer exists and just walk away.

And now as you settle into your new home, which is not at all like where you used to live before, you still like it and tell yourself that you will get used to it soon.

It has nothing more than the small square space with your bed, your closet and desk, also a small bathroom.

You only have to buy a small refrigerator now while everything else like laundry is already offered by the residence on the first floor.

You know your room will be a small place for Vhagar but she doesn't seem to mind as she settles into your bed and falls asleep once you start unpacking.

Until the weekend comes and your friends make noise in the group chat saying they want to party on Saturday.

And you, thinking you wouldn't be in the mood, agree to go and have some fun.

It's already been a full week Monday through Saturday morning that you started your new job that you couldn't have liked any better. So you want to get all the stress out.

Most of all you want to get the sadness out of your system because of work, your classes and also because of him.

It's also been a full week since you moved, so not wanting anything to do with him anymore, you head to the one person you know will help you with the matter: Helaena.

Helaena also studies at the same university, she also lives in a dorm room, only that she studies biology.

So once you send her a message asking if the two of you can meet, she gladly accepts and you arrange to meet in her room.

And soon enough she finds herself opening her door to greet you.

"Hi Y/N!" she exclaims happily and wraps you in a soft hug, to which you smile.

"Hello Hel."

"Where have you been? I finally see you."

She asks you as she pulls away from you and looks at you a little confused, without erasing her charming smile.

"You know…" You shrug your shoulders, a little nervous, "I've been very busy with my classes."

And even though that's not the real reason, she still believes you.

"Oh yeah, sure, me too, it's a nightmare. Come on in."

She steps aside so you can come in and you do, immediately feeling nervous because you know you'll have to tell her about everything that happened with her brother.

"Even so, you didn't come to the ball."

Helaena says to you suddenly and you watch her as she closes the door behind her.

"I thought it was weird since you always go to my family's ball."

"Yes…" you say a little uncomfortable, "I… I did…

"But it seemed so weird to me that all of a sudden Aemond took his girlfriend when he said that…..

She stops suddenly, then looks at you with her eyes wide open, now softening her confused face, watching you intently.

"Oh, don't tell me," she murmurs.

And all you do is bite your lips and lower your gaze for a moment in sorrow.

"Don't tell me you didn't go because he took his girlfriend."

You let out a long breath and at that moment, taking advantage of the fact that she has already brought up the subject of him and his girlfriend, you decide to tell her everything that happened.

The ball, how you now live alone in his apartment when it wasn't supposed to be like that, his conversation with Alys, his irresponsibility with Vhagar and finally your birthday.

"Oh I'm going to kill that son of a…

"No, Hel, please."

You ask her, not wanting to talk about him anymore.

"It's all done now. I don't want to cause any more…

"You? Cause anything?" she interrupts you, incredulous, "Y/N, you couldn't cause anything, it's all caused by him and his obsession with that girl."

"She's his girlfriend," you say with pain in your chest, "It makes sense."

"Yeah, but you don't put your best friend down for a relationship, Y/N," she says obviously and with an annoyed tone, "And believe me when I tell you that when I met that girl she didn't give me any good vibes. Mother seemed to some point pleased, but Nyra with her look told me everything, so did Aegon and even my uncle Daemon."

"Really?"

You ask her really interested in it, since apparently you were not the only one who felt that way when you met Alys for the first time.

"Yes, really," she assures you, "They all asked about you, Daeron, Jace and Luke too."

You lower your gaze with a sad expression, since you haven't seen Aemond's little brother or his two nephews who have always been very kind and funny with you.

You are also struck by the fact that Aemond did not tell you that his family had been asking about you at the ball.

Maybe he did it so as not to make you feel bad.

"Aemond didn't even answer them, he didn't even seem to know what to say. He just immediately introduced them to his girlfriend," she says with a pout.

You let out a long breath.

"Well, I still get the idea of how much fun everyone had. I saw your pictures and videos on Instagram."

"I just can't believe he told you at the last minute when you already had everything ready that he was taking his girlfriend," she insists, really annoyed, "And yet after making plans the idiot forgot your birthday?" she inquires.

"It doesn't matter anymore, Hel, that was a little more than a week ago," you say not wanting to give more importance to the matter, "In fact, I came here because I wanted to know if you could do me a favor, now that we are talking about it."

Helaena, still annoyed to hear everything you told her, still nods.

"Sure, what is it?"

"I…

You bite your lips, feeling nervous to tell the sister of your best friend, or ex best friend rather, about the new chapter of your life.

Mostly because after this, Aemond will finally know everything soon enough.

"I've gotten a job in a flower shop and I've also moved into a dorm. Don't worry, I have brought Vhagar with me, now I will take care of her."

You assure her the instant you know she would ask you about Vhagar.

"And even though I didn't want to, I had to try to communicate with Aemond, but he never responded and I never saw him around the apartment, so I just left because I couldn't delay any longer. To this day he doesn't even know anything."

Again Helaena's soft, tender face contorts in anger.

"That fucking son of a….

"So…" you interrupt her, taking the things from your backpack, "Here is the key to the apartment and also this envelope with money to pay him for the troubles."

You look at her with a certain sadness and with the hope in your face that she will take care of this after Helaena sees everything in your hands and again returns her gaze to yours.

"Could you hand it over to him, please?"

And now it is Helaena's turn to look at you sadly and with compassion as she looks at your hurt face and understands what you went through and what you are going through now.

"Oh, Y/N…" she says disappointedly, "I'm so sorry for my stupid brother."

And again she pulls you in a soft and comforting hug that you allow since you really need it, even though you avoid breaking down crying at that moment.

You know Helaena probably won't tell him anything, but you still don't want to cry in the arms of your ex-best friend's sister.

"Don't worry, Hel. And nothing that happened with him will affect our friendship either," you assure her in a sad voice.

"No, of course not," she says instantly, hugging you a little tighter.

After a few more moments like that, they both separate and Helaena takes the key and the envelope with the money.

That money was sent to you monthly by your parents and you decided to give it to him. Now with your job at the flower shop, you can get that money back for your needs.

But for now it feels good to give it to Aemond because despite hearing that horrible conversation between him and his girlfriend, you do it mostly to feel better about yourself.

And after talking a few more moments with Helaena, you both finally say goodbye and you walk through her door.

You both agree that one of these days you could go for a coffee together. And just as you are about to leave, Helaena stops you with her words.

Words that leave you completely still, and then you look at her again with a slight surprise on your face.

"I always believed and hoped that you and Aemond would end up together, you know," she says with a sad little smile, "I know you were best friends, but I always had a feeling, always.

At that moment… how you wished her words would have been true.

How you would have wanted that to happen.

You think with illusion, sadness and disappointment, and then just try to smile even a little in her direction, say goodbye one last time and leave.

Later that night, after crying a little and trying to cheer yourself up by getting ready to go to the party with your friends, you arrive at the frat house and the party starts right then and there.

At first, cautious, you are kept alert by the fact that Aemond could probably be here with his girlfriend or with his friends, or maybe both.

But fortunately for you, there is no silver-haired guy with a black haired girl in the crowd, so you can feel at peace.

Immediately the party games like beer pong and drinking begin.

Until at some point of the party, you realize while talking and having fun with Aileen, that again Ryan's friends have joined the group, three guys exactly.

And as you're all dancing together, having a good time, you're drinking and forgetting about everything, really enjoying yourself, you suddenly find yourself dancing and singing the songs at the top of your lungs with one of Ryan's friends, Cregan Stark.

A tall guy, dark brown hair, with black eyes and features that can't go unnoticed.

Cregan seems to have his eye on you and you have yours on him.

Eventually the two start talking, being close, dancing together, even taking pictures and videos of each other, and then the two sit on one of the sofas and continue talking.

The two very close to each other to the point of almost kissing.

Maybe it was the alcohol, the moment, the party or just that you wanted to have this kind of moments with some guy, because Cregan is really handsome and you really wanted to kiss him.

However, all the guys arrived just at that moment to keep you company and rest a bit after having been dancing for a while.

Cregan didn't seem to mind, you didn't really either, you both just smiled at each other, although he had that little disappointment on his face from the interruption.

It remained as that pending between you and that's why he asked for your number.

The next day, apparently that interaction and closeness between you and Cregan was noticed by everyone, but more so by your friends who squeal and excitedly talk about him and you.

You find out that he's a law student, a year older than you, likes dogs, plays the guitar, and apparently isn't dating anyone.

You didn't want to get your hopes up with him, because you knew that meeting a guy and him suddenly having an interest in you at a party is usually not a long-term interest and is just for the moment.

But the expectation went up the moment he texts you and asks you if you want to have coffee with him on Tuesday morning before you both have your respective classes.

And you respond, or well, your friends respond more excitedly than you, that you accept.

"Girl, the guy is handsome, tall, funny and a really nice guy, what more could you ask for?"

And in that, Aileen is right. However… there is a problem. And that problem has a name: Aemond.

Aemond has ruined every guy for you in many ways, both physically and personality-wise.

And even though he wasn't like that, he really was a very bad friend to you and all his decisions hurt you. That's why agreeing to date Cregan is easy.

You also tell yourself that Aemond doesn't matter anymore. He has a girlfriend, he's living his life apart, and so are you, and you and he are no longer friends.

So once Cregan tells you that he is already waiting for you outside your dorm, you rush out.

Excitedly you take one last look in your mirror, make sure nothing is out of place, also make sure Vhagar is okay and head for the door to leave with your backpack on your shoulder and your phone in hand.

But when you opened the door, you clearly didn't expect to see your ex-best friend about to knock on your door with a totally bewildered, confused, worried and to some extent distressed and desperate look on his face.

"Y/N...

And you are totally paralyzed the moment your name leaves his lips.

At first, you don't understand what he is doing here or how he knew exactly where you were now since you didn't tell Helaena anything about your new home.

In fact, you didn't say anything to anyone he and you know together. However, you do know him.

You know that he just by asking anyone he can find out anything he wants to know, including finding people, simply because he is Aemond Targaryen.

And then you start to panic and you feel very nervous because he's really here.

"W-what are you doing here?" you ask him in a bewildered whisper.

In an instant you tense up and hold tightly to the edge of your door, watching him intently and alertly.

"What am I doing here?" he asks in a totally bewildered voice, "What are you doing here?" he says, now certainly annoyed.

"I-I don't… I don't have time for this, okay?"

You try to walk past him, bearing in mind that Cregan is waiting for you outside and you don't want to keep him waiting any longer.

But you can't stop your heart from beating too fast and you can't stop this agonizing feeling in your gut at the sight of him now after so many weeks.

"Are you serious?"

He stops you by taking your arm in a firm grip, making you stand in front of him again, with the most bewildered, confused and annoyed look you've ever seen on his face.

"I come home calling you, wanting to talk to you, having this stupid idea that you were busy or something, only to find out that Vhagar isn't there, neither are you and neither are your things," he says to you incredulously, "I thought something bad had happened to you Y/N, I was so worried. I started to go crazy because I couldn't even call you or send you messages, nothing was getting through to you."

And at that moment, everything you were feeling, is replaced by hatred and anger for very clear reasons and that he, seeming surprising to you, doesn't see or even realize.

He probably wanted to talk to you about your birthday, but he couldn't call or text you because since you moved out and he had no idea, you decided to block him from everywhere.

But really, even though you feel weak from his unexpected appearance, his words don't make you feel anything but hurt and angry.

"And do you have any fucking idea how it made me feel when I called Helaena and she told me you got a job and moved into a fucking dorm just making everything worse?" he asks you annoyed, "All this without me having a fucking idea, Y/N."

The way he tells you everything, you immediately tell yourself that you won't react the same way even though all that flows through your system is one thing: anger.

So instead of talking to him in annoyance because you don't want to and don't have the time to explain yourself more than necessary, you talk to him calmly in comparison to him.

He is visibly frustrated and looks more bewildered than ever.

"Maybe you would have known… if you had answered my calls or messages, Aemond. Or if you had shown up even once at your apartment."

And you overemphasize your apartment.

"All that was over a week ago, much longer in fact, and you barely care to know about me or Vhagar," you say bitterly.

He shakes his head, looking more distressed and worried than before.

"I-I…" He lets out a long breath, "And what the fuck is this supposed to mean?"

He asks you again in annoyance, clearly after he has no idea what to say to the previous and from his jacket pocket he takes out the money you gave to Helaena for him and also the key to his apartment.

"For your troubles?" he raises the money in annoyance, "And the key for what? Are you really going to stay here definitely?"

"The money is because I didn't give you a single penny to help you financially and the key so you have more privacy with Alys every time you get home and I don't have to be there locked up in my room… stopping you," you explain without much interest, "That's what you wanted, isn't it?" you raise your eyebrows expectantly at him.

But he is speechless, staring at you in surprise, bewilderment and anguish, his whole worried expression speaking for itself.

"Did you…" he pauses in concern, "Did you hear us that night?"

You deliberately ignore his question.

"You wanted me to meet new people and go out more, also give you your privacy…well, I'm doing exactly that. Now leave and don't ever come back."

And without further ado you close the door behind you firmly and walk away from him to head for the stairs and finally leave to meet Cregan.

But because of the circumstances and everything Aemond must be feeling, he doesn't let you go so easily.

"Hey, no, stop," he says in a warning tone and then grabs your arm and immobilizes you as you turn towards him.

"Let go of me."

"Y/N…

"I have to go. Someone is waiting for me."

"Y/N, please…" he calls pleadingly, "You don't have to lie, I-I…" he runs a hand over his frustrated and anguished face, "Was all this for your birthday?"

At his question, you say nothing, just continue to stare at him with the most serious look ever, now just pressing your lips together and waiting for him to let go so you can leave.

"Y/N…" he calls you cautiously and with worry in his eyes, "I know I fucked up, I know that….

"Oh please, Aemond," you exclaim irritated, "I don't need any more of your pity, okay? I really don't care what you have to say, it's all done. I gave you the key back and the money too, didn't I? Now you won't have to pity me anymore and your girlfriend will be pleased to know that I won't interfere with your plans anymore."

He lets out a long breath, more frustrated than before and completely irritated by your words.

"It doesn't matter what you heard that night, Y/N. It doesn't matter what Alys said either," he tells you in desperation.

But you don't care anymore.

"I've done my part, now leave me alone."

Again you try to leave but he again won't let you go.

"Will you stop running away!? I want to talk to you, I want to fix this!" he says in exasperation, "I don't want your key and I certainly don't want your fucking money, I want you back with me!"

And that's when you can't take it any longer and you finally explode in anger at him.

"Now you want me to be with you after always leaving me out of all the plans we made for your girlfriend and leaving me living alone!? Do you really think I even want to see you and be in the same place as you after everything you done!?"

He is about to answer you, but a third voice between you stops him and also the whole discussion between the two of you.

"Y/N?"

Both you and Aemond turn your heads and from the stairs Cregan Stark looks curiously between you and Aemond, almost worried.

You know your screams must have been heard all the way to the first floor considering your room is on the second.

"Is everything all right here?" he asks you softly and attentively, turning to you.

Feeling embarrassed that he might have heard everything, which is most likely, you finally loosen your grip on Aemond and control yourself by telling yourself that it's all over now.

"Yes, everything is fine," you put on your best face, or try to, "Sorry, I was on my way out. I didn't want to keep you waiting too long."

"No, it's fine," he says nonchalantly, "Although I did come to hurry you a little," he confesses with a small, embarrassed smile, "At the coffee shop we're going to, the coffee you like is on promotion, but only until ten o'clock, so I want to get there to buy it for you."

In other circumstances, Cregan's words would have made you feel on the clouds, but because of what was happening before and with Aemond present, his words have no effect on you.

Especially because of Aemond's confused and intimidating look at Cregan, clearly annoyed by the interruption, as well as wanting to know who this guy is and realizing that you really had someone waiting for you.

"Yeah, yeah, let's go," you nod in his direction, "He was just leaving too."

You say with a certain bitter and obvious tone turning your head towards Aemond, but without looking at him to which you immediately feel his gaze on you, but you ignore him.

And not wanting to keep Cregan waiting any longer, you head towards him, take him by the arm and lead him along with you towards the stairs, leaving Aemond behind.

After you and Cregan start heading towards the coffe shop, you try to pay attention to everything he tells you, but you can't.

You pretend to listen to him and collaborate a little in his conversation, feeling bad about yourself but you can't help it since all you can think about is Aemond.

And even though Cregan tries to bring up the subject, clearly because it's obvious he heard you were arguing, you quickly evade him.

However, he tells you that he believes he has seen Aemond before and has heard a lot about him. Also of his sister, Helaena.

But overall, this going out or rather date? with Cregan… did not turn out as you expected and as you wanted it to because of Aemond's unexpected visit to your new home.

And once again, you find yourself out of balance because of what happened with him now.

Latch by Disclosure and Sam Smith is heard throughout the house of the most popular party frat house and the one that never disappoints.

At first, you thought about not partying with your friends and Cregan since you weren't in the mood and didn't want to have to deal with a hangover the next day.

However, Cregan is the one who convinces you and now the two of you are dancing along with all your other friends having a good time, singing at the top of your lungs and forgetting about everything.

The whole party is going amazing, you're still not drinking too much, you're having fun with your friends and Cregan most of all.

Until you are catching your breath to continue dancing with Cregan, both of you apart and talking, suddenly your gaze is focused on the entrance of the house and Aemond Targaryen makes an appearance holding Alys' hand with all his friends also entering behind him.

Instantly you want to leave, because you know you don't feel comfortable now with the presence of your ex best friend knowing what happened the last time you saw each other.

And even more so when he notices you standing apart, with that guy from before, the two of you very close and talking, now realizing your presence.

But you pretend not to see him even though your heart starts beating fast when you feel his gaze.

When you stop feeling that he is looking at you, then you see him and still holding hands with Alys both of them go to the kitchen. And that's when you say to yourself: no.

He is not going to ruin this party with your friends. He came here for the sole purpose of having fun, which is the point of the party and so are you.

You decide to leave the feelings behind and continue having fun as before.

You drink some more, resume dancing, singing and playing party games, just forget about him and focus on you, what you are doing and the people around you.

When in the kitchen, while you are pouring more drinks for Cregan and yourself, something happens that you least expected and that causes you a lot of confusion at the same time.

However, somehow you must have known that Aemond would be coming for you.

"Y/N."

He calls out to you and when you look at him, you again meet his gaze a little worried but also hopeful that he might talk to you.

But of course, Alys must be by his side clinging to his right arm, watching you with a certain indifference.

And you, preferring a thousand times to ignore it, unfortunately still do not finish preparing the drinks, so you decide to act indifferent.

"Yes?" you say without even looking at him.

And just with your indifference, which Aemond notices perfectly, only makes him more frustrated, but not wanting to explode again against you, he can only try to relax and start with what he wants to say as calmly as possible so as not to push you away.

"Are you…" he swallows hard, looking at you apologetically and a bit nervously, "Are you enjoying the party?"

However, his question couldn't have been more pathetic for you.

"Yes, very much in fact."

You answer without further ado, putting everything back in its place to finally get out of the way and leave. And that's what you do, you turn around with your drinks in hand and walk away.

But he stops you instantly by standing in front of you.

"Y/N," he calls out to you pleadingly, "Can we go outside and talk, please?"

And you, wanting to take your indifference further, even more with Alys' presence, that's exactly what you do.

"About what?"

"About the other day," he tells you more cautious and attentive than before.

And you frown at him.

"Was there anything else to say?"

He lets out a long sigh.

"Y/N, please…

"There you are!"

Again Cregan's voice interrupts the conversation between the two of you and Cregan, without even noticing Aemond, turns to you with a small smile on his lips.

"I went to the bathroom for two seconds and I had already lost you," he says amused, "You need help?"

He points to the drinks and you nod.

"Yes," you extend one to him, placing a soft smile in his direction, "This one's yours, actually.

"Thank you, my pretty."

And maybe it had been again the interruption of the same boy from the other day, that makes Aemond can't help but feel annoyed.

But maybe it's more from the fact that he tenses up and watches him with a clenched jaw as he hears that word from him towards you.

Pretty.

Both he and you think, but you really couldn't care less as you watch between Cregan and him over the nickname.

And feeling Aemond's burning gaze, Cregan finally seems to notice the presence of Aemond Targaryen himself.

"Oh, hey," he smiles friendly, "Sorry, we've met before, haven't we?"

And Aemond, really annoyed, just bites the inside of his cheek and avoids showing his irritation, as well as the discontent he feels towards the guy.

"Yes," he says without looking at him, with a cutting tone, focusing again on you.

"Yes, sorry again," Cregan tells him again, "It's just that we weren't introduced."

And after Cregan says that, you're sorry but you want to murder him.

Especially since now Cregan is watching you too, already having the smoldering stare of your ex best at you and the guy you're apparently starting to have… something with.

Not to mention the judgmental and irritated look from Alys as well.

And you, having no choice, introduce them to each other.

"Aemond, this is Cregan, my friend," you point to Cregan, "And Cregan, this is Aemond, an old classmate at high school."

And finally you point to Aemond, without looking at him too much.

And again, everything in Aemond contracts and his whole bewildered look is reflected on his face after hearing your words.

Even Alys stirs in her place, watching Aemond intently.

A strange feeling in his chest invades him and all his disappointment, as well as his sadness, is reflected even though he tries not to be.

But the way you said it, your look, your attitude, everything about you makes him feel miserable and makes him recognize that he has definitely lost you.

Especially because after that, you don't waste any more time, you take Cregan by the hand and excuse both of you to go back to your friends, not wanting to be around him anymore.

After the party goes on, Aemond can't enjoy the moment. Even Alys next to him doesn't get his attention, neither do his friends.

All he sees is you, with him, the two of you dancing, laughing and close to each other.

He's certainly never seen you having fun like that before, never in the company of a guy he admits he recognizes; he seems like a really nice guy.

An unpleasant feeling turns his stomach and he feels it in his chest again when you laugh at something he has said, he slips an arm around your shoulders and leaves a kiss on your cheek.

His jaw tenses and he can't take his eye off of you, to some extent starting to annoy Alys by his lack of attention.

And Aemond loses it completely the moment he turns his face towards you, you turn your face towards him and the two of you kiss.

All the friendship that the two of you and Aemond used to have, you and Aemond, passes right in front of him in that moment.

Everything, from the beginning, from high school to college, with both of you moving into the apartment, having movie nights, having breakfast and dinner together, grocery shopping, everything.

As well as all the bad stuff caused by him, which he admits to, like all those nights he left you behind for Alys, the ball and your birthday.

Unable to take it anymore, totally ignoring Alys and everyone, with the hardest look on his face, he leaves the house in an act of desperation and

He moves away from all the people, from Alys, from you, because he can't see you having fun without him, he can't see you with other people, because it was always him.

And knowing that he was the one who caused your friendship to end, he takes a seat on the stairs leading to the house and starts smoking.

But even he doesn't understand himself.

Isn't this what you wanted?

His mind asks him, as confused as he is, who with a bad face and feeling like a complete idiot, continues smoking, thinking that it would be better to go back home.

But without you… it doesn't feel like that anymore.

He stays thinking for a long time, without Alys bothering to look for him, which he is grateful for since he has more time with himself.

While you, still at the party, continue drinking and sharing a kiss or two with Cregan, not really caring that you're among friends and other people.

But the moment with Cregan ends when he tells you that he has to leave, even showing you some messages from his sister asking him to pick her up at a party outside the university.

He asks you if you want him to leave you too, but you prefer to continue having fun for a while longer. You both say goodbye and stay with your friends.

Not long after, however, they all get really drunk. Even Ryan.

So as the four of you leave the house, ordering Uber's and laughing amongst yourselves, that's when Aemond sees you.

Confused, he throws the rest of his cigarette away and stands up from the stairs, watching you intently. And noticing your condition, he actually gets worried.

You can't even stand firmly on your feet.

And all you remember is having a brief conversation or discussion with someone, that someone also talking to Ryan, then you feel yourself being carried, you protest a little, and then all goes dark.

The moment you open your eyes, completely numb and feeling like a mess, the pain in your throat, body and head begins.

You groan under your breath, scrunching up your face and holding a hand to your forehead, feeling as if your head is about to explode in constant sharp pain.

You let out a sigh, closing your eyes and trying to calm yourself down so you can get through the pain easier, but it's impossible.

You drank too much, that's for sure, your body is confirming it. But what you don't know is where you are.

Alarmed, you quickly reopen your eyes and look around you, worrying because you don't remember who you left with last night and whether you came to your room or someone else's.

When your whole face contorts in confusion as you realize that this room is not yours, nor is it Sara's or Aileen's room. In fact, this room you know and you know it very well.

You open your eyes wide and don't understand anything, beginning to get seriously alarmed and worried.

What the fuck am I doing in Aemond's room?

You think to yourself as you force yourself to ignore all the internal pain you are feeling and get out of bed.

You quickly put on your shoes, make sure you have all your things with you and leave the room, hoping he's not here.

But of course he must be, because as you walk out into the hallway, with your things held against your chest, you hear sounds and very low music coming from the kitchen.

And as you slowly, cautiously approach, you see him, preparing breakfast, moving back and forth across the kitchen with his back to you.

Hopeful, you watch the door ahead a few feet away from you, then look cautiously again at Aemond, who fortunately has not noticed your presence.

You think to yourself that you could head for the door without making a sound and leave without him noticing. Being here with him in your old home doesn't please you, especially since you don't understand how you got here last night with him.

But you don't care, all you want to do is leave.

However, before you can try to do anything, he turns to grab something from the counter and sees you.

"Oh, you're awake," he says with a soft tone and a calm look.

At this, you don't say anything, you just watch him, hoping that by your look and your posture he understands that you already want to leave.

But he, at your lack of words, continues trying.

"You must be feeling very bad, you were very drunk last night. Here I have left you a glass of water and a pill, it will help you after you finish breakfast," he points to the bar, effectively pointing to a glass of water and a pill."

You look away from him for a second, wanting to let out a snort, since you definitely don't plan to stay here for breakfast and it's silly of him to think so just because you're here.

"What am I doing here?" you ask him, serious.

And by your tone of voice, Aemond is surprised and also disappointed, since he thought that things between you and him would never be like this again.

But how wrong he was.

Still, with relaxed posture and soft tone, he answers you to keep the peace as much as possible between the two of you and you don't leave, which is what he fears the most.

"You were very drunk last night, and so were all your friends," he explains.

"Ryan was supposed to take me and my friends to my doorm," you tell him seriously.

"Your friend was really drunk too, Y/N," he says in a more serious tone, "He couldn't handle the three of you. And I certainly wasn't going to let you go in that state, you could barely walk.

You press your lips together, thinking about the party and your friends, to again look at the door in front of you.

"Well… thank you, but I didn't need your help," you say curtly, "Not now either."

And without further ado you head for the door, catching Aemond unawares, who quickly reacts and stands in front of you, grabbing your arm.

"Y/N, please wait…

"I need to go.

"Where to?" he asks frustrated, not believing you.

"That doesn't concern you. I don't want to be here," you tell him annoyed, again trying to pass by his side, but he doesn't let you.

"Please," he repeats pleadingly, "Please don't do this anymore. Just stay."

"Let me go and let me pass," you warn him.

"At least just stay for breakfast," he insists desperately, "Let's talk and then I will take you to your dorm, I pro….

"Will you stop!?"

You explode furiously at him, unable to hold back any longer, feeling more headache and pain all over your body, but you don't care because you're tired, you're fed up and because you've had enough.

While he remains completely silent and observes you slightly surprised by your reaction, since he had certainly never seen you like this before.

At least not with him.

"I don't want to be here, I don't want to have breakfast with you, I don't want to talk to you and I don't want to see you!" you exclaim annoyed, "Can't you really see that? Can't you see that you and I are no longer friends? Can't you see that you're hurting me?"

"Y/N…" he says to you in a low tone, with a thread of voice: "Don't say that...

"You shouldn't have brought me here, you shouldn't have even tried to talk to me, because I don't want to talk to you, I want to get away from you and I want you to respect that!"

And without being able to stand it anymore, tears start to run down your cheeks, but you ignore it totally and continue watching Aemond with the most hurt look of all.

"Stop trying to play savior with me Aemond, because I've had enough."

"Playing savior with you?" he repeats in bewilderment, "Y/N, you are my best friend, I don't….

"No, that's not true, I'm not your best friend, I'm nothing!" you blurt out again furious, "A best friend doesn't hurt his best friend, doesn't leave her aside for a relationship, doesn't replace her, doesn't leave her living alone and certainly doesn't forget her fucking birthday, Aemond!"

Then again Aemond is speechless, watching you with his eye wide open, his lips half open, while you start crying in earnest, unable to control yourself.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N," he says to you, in a low, broken-toned whisper.

"No, you're not!" you reproach him, upset, crying, feeling broken, "If you were really sorry, you would have apologized since after my birthday, not until now that weeks have passed," you tell him hurt, "And that hurts, Aemond, it hurts that until now you have realized it, that until now you are looking for me, always treating me as the second option!"

The first tear falls down Aemond's right cheek, looking at you with a hard, but still broken expression.

"I'm so sorry, I really am. I care about you, you know that….

"No, that's not true, you don't, you don't care about me!" you contradict him again, crying.

And finally you are able to pass by his side, leaving him in a state just as broken as you are, while you wipe your tears and try to control yourself, when you can't. You still want much, much more.

There is still much, much more you want to say and you say it as you stop before you touch the door and stare at Aemond with as much sadness, hatred and anger as you can.

"You left me aside for Alys, you included her and took me out of our plans, you left me living alone here with Vhagar, you forgot my fucking bir…

You stop, sobbing and breathing hard, trying to calm yourself down.

"You forgot my fucking birthday for her and her parents while I was waiting for you, believing your stupid promises so that in the end you never showed up and only to remember me weeks later and a real friend doesn't do shit like that to his best friend if he really cared, Aemond!" you tell him crying, "I never was that way with you and believe me that having a boyfriend even so I wouldn't have been."

Then everything, both for him and for you stops, because hearing you crying and seeing you so broken, leaves him completely immobile and as broken as you are by your words.

Words and feelings of yours that he had no idea about.

While you, unable to take it anymore, finally open the apartment door and leave, wanting to get away from here and him, because that's what you want and…. he lets you.

He doesn't go after you, like he would have, because your words, everything about you, has left him completely paralyzed. He had never seen you like that, so destroyed and in tears.

And that he was responsible for those reactions of yours, reactions that he hates to see in you, makes him feel more stupid and guilty than ever.

And at that moment he realizes, that this time he has definitely lost you and in a very bad way. He has lost his best friend because of his own actions.

He feels miserable. More miserable than you.

And after that… nothing was ever the same again, both for him and for you.

You didn't see each other again after what happened in his apartment, you didn't even hear from each other through social media, because you had blocked him from everywhere and that's just felt better.

The two of you continued with your classes and in separate ways, as before, only now he was also aware of it and not only you, now with the difference that the friendship between the two of you no longer exists.

To a certain point you knew that he was still having a relationship with Alys Rivers, while you, you had to realize that starting something with Cregan, something more formal, would not be possible, at least not on your part.

You are still so in love with your best friend and so hurt that you didn't want to start something with Cregan knowing that you didn't feel anything beyond that for him. You didn't want him to be your distraction, because it wasn't right.

Your distraction was something else, something you still don't know what it is but you desperately need. Until two weeks after what happened with Aemond, that distraction showed up.

At the end of another semester of your career, an exchange program was opened for the next semester with destinations to Winterfell, the Iron Islands, Casterly Rock, Highgarden and Dorne.

There were also destinations to Essos, but you decided it would be best to go to Highgarden since with your excellent academic record, you entered the program with all expenses paid.

At the same time that you would go to classes, you would also have your internship with one of the best psychologists by being his assistant and start training yourself with his cases. You would even get paid for it.

The semester lasts six months, six months away from Kings Landing, that being exactly what you need.

So after going through all the necessary processes, you were finally given a departure date to Highgarden to begin a brief but important chapter in your life.

You gave the news to your parents, who were happy for you, wished you much success, and even let Helaena know who texted you to ask how you were doing. You never tried to talk to him.

And after the day arrives, happy and at ease with yourself, you board the plane taking Vhagar with you and hope that this will help you put it all behind you.

While still at Kings Landing University, in one of the coffee shops on campus, Helaena and Aemond Targaryen enjoy a good coffee, both serious, not talking much, just him and Helaena lost in their thoughts.

Helaena let him know the news and honestly, he doesn't know how to feel.

He is happy for you, but knowing that you are gone and will be back in up to six months, with no more friendship between the two of you, makes him feel even more miserable.

"She's in love with you, you know?"

The sweet voice of his sweet sister makes Aemond, in a fatal state, as if he hadn't slept well for days, raise his gaze towards her without really having much expression.

As Helaena shows him with her gaze how terribly honest she is being with him at that moment.

"She didn't tell me anything, but I just know," she explains.

And Aemond again lowers his gaze, running a hand over his chin, letting out a long breath.

"You really fucked up, Aemond. I can't believe you were such an idiot."

"I know," he says in a low, emotionless whisper, "You don't have to say it again, I know."

"So what then?" she says, "Get that brilliant brain of yours working. You can't be the smartest guy in your class and at the same time the biggest idiot with the girl who has always been there for you."

He shakes his head, only feeling worse just talking about you.

"Hel, I don't want to…

"Are you really going to let her go?"

His sister interrupts him with a look more expectant than ever, watching him attentively, while he swallows hard and observes with a serious and sad look Helaena in front of him.

And he doesn't answer because he doesn't want to, but because he doesn't have an answer to that question, mostly because he hadn't thought about it before.

Will I really let her go?

He asks himself, but the truth is… he doesn't know.

Aemond knows it's already too late but he also feels that that's not entirely true. Maybe, just maybe… he has another chance. And his last.

thank you very much for reading and for joining me in this short way, it makes me so happy that you liked cardigan very much, there are more stories for you on the way, wait for them:)

besides, there's still the epilogue, that's when we'll say goodbye to this story for good🥺❣

@letmeloveyouuuu @ohdemimonde @carriellie @jennifer0305 @serving-targaryen-realness @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @ttkttt @melllinaa @nyenye @hoziersfairy @introverbatim @happinessinthebeing @hnslchw @padfooteyes @riseandreigns4u @shessthunderstoms @strangersunghoon @aemondslefteyeball @1950schick @ammo23 @targaryenmoony

there were many of you that I could not add to the taglist, an apology.

#aemond targaryen #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen x y/n #aemond targaryen x you #aemond x fem!reader #aemond x oc #aemond targaryen fanfic #aemond x reader #hotd aemond #aemond fanfiction

[zoeykallus]

Hey there! This isn't a request or anything, I was just thinking a lot about a request you got not long ago asking which body parts the Bad Batchers would like and I think the requester thought Tech was a boob man or whatever.

Anyway, that's not really important. What I want to talk about is you mentioned that you didn't feel comfortable writing it because you didn't want anyone to feel upset or offended.

I just want to tell you that is not your fault. It is not on you.

Your writing has been taking off and I am so happy for you, I am so happy that more people are finding your talent. But with having more readers, there's a chance that people will want to "police" you and you don't deserve it. It's a reader's responsibility to know what they're reading and to understand that if something were to upset them, it's not okay to take it out on a writer. Headcanons are different from person to person and so are preferences and that shouldn't be a reason to fight in fandom. You have every right to write whatever you want and whoever doesn't like it can just go touch grass.

You're a writer, not a babysitter. You have the right to enjoy what you write and to write according to your own headcanons and interpretations and if someone gets offended or tries to call you out for that, it's not your fault and they're big poopieheads.

Plus you are literally not problematic. SW fandom loooooves to point fingers at problematic people, and you're not one of them. You're a light in this fandom, you gift us with beautiful writing, and we love you.

You are wonderful and don't you forget it!

-🍄

Thank you very much! This was very enlightening, enjoyable and encouraging. I must honestly say that so far I have been lucky not to be criticized too much or often, so far the fandom has been really very welcoming and loving.

I'm always very critical of myself and cautious, if only because English is not my first language and I never really learned it, but taught myself for the most part. Much of what I want to write, I often can not express as I would like to.

You're right, I'm not babysitting anyone, but in today's society everyone is so cautious and oversensitive and puts far too much on the gold scale that when I write it sometimes feels like I have to perform complicated acrobatic acts.

To be honest I still feel new to the "gender game", for example, a bigger trigger for some people, it never cocerned me personally and I still have to really find out what all of it means for some people. There are soooo many new triggers compared to ten years ago.

Most of the time I still write the way I feel, sometimes soft, sometimes hot, sometimes very sad or even desperate or sometimes uplifting, comforting. I've found that I just can't work through my projects on a schedule anymore, not even always in the same order, because sometimes you just don't feel sexy, or happy, or dark enough for what's ahead in that story or request. However, I always try to answer sad asks who need comfort a little faster than others, but even that is sometimes not that easy. So at the moment everything is a bit messed up and I took three days off because I experienced a private low and I couldn't concentrate.

Now I continue to write. I just hope that I am forgiven that my rhythm these days is different and not quite as accurately ordered as it once was.

There are so many people who welcome you with open arms and who openly show their joy. And there are those who just sit and wait to criticize something, and these people I find exhausting. So far, I've rarely experienced this, but I've seen it in the comments of other writers and silently thought to myself, "Why is this a problem? Let people write the way they want".

In the end, everything is fiction anyway and everyone has their own idea of how certain things should be, or how certain characters behave, what personal traits they have. You can never really make everyone happy. If you want to write in a balanced way, I think you really have to get out of the habit of trying to make everyone happy.

The reason I didn't write those HC's was of course because I would write something like that completely out of how I feel about this, there's no other way to do it at all. I am who I am and I can't and don't want to write anything generic just to make everyone happy, because I wouldn't be happy with that (as egoistic as it may be). I also have no desire to deal with the exhausting people who would certainly put each word individually on the gold scale. Part of me thinks though as I said in the reply then, some people might be sad, they wouldn't complain but feel let down in some ways.

Meanwhile I have almost 1.5k followers and somehow I already have the feeling that I have a certain responsibility or, a different relationship to the fandom as before, I'm suddenly in the middle of it and suddenly have a few people who sometimes comfort themselves with what I write. I had people contacting me, telling me how much reading this or that meant to them. It is beyond any explainable feeling.

To read your message was very pleasant, has given me courage and showed me that I probably do something right (sometimes ;) ) Thank you again. You have brightened my day.

#asks #i love asks like this #star wars #fandom #thank you

[monotonous-minutia]

I actually think I'm going to lose my mind.

I don't usually post stuff like this but I feel like I'm going to explode. And I can't really talk about it to anyone for a variety of reasons but my god I'm going to lose it.

The person I live with is going through some shit. And I feel for her,I really do; she's got some significant struggles. But quite a bit of it is self sabotage and it's hard for me to watch and especially hard to empathize when she has multiple people, including medical professionals, telling her what to do, but she chooses not to do it and then complains about the aftermath. And then expects me to nod along to her rants when inside I'm just screaming that if she just did what her doctor tells her to do, she wouldn't be in this situation.

On top of it when she gets into these funks she needs to be around people or she gets dangerously depressed. Often she has friends and family to turn to but sometimes she doesn't and then expects me to fill the void. A lot of the time I don't mind because she's fun to hang out with and we share a lot of the same interests. But I work with people all day and sometimes I just want to be by myself, especially because I recently suffered a huge personal loss and I'm still trying to process it. I don't want her to be alone and depressed but she doesn't seem to get that I need my own time. We used to have overlapping work schedules where I'd get home a few hours before her and get some alone time to recharge before she got back. But now she's not working so every minute I'm home, she's there and wanting me to hang out with her.

On top of everything she doesn't clean up after herself. We've talked about it a few times and she keeps saying she'll get to it but she doesn't. The living room is such a mess I don't want to be in there and the kitchen is so nasty I can't make food. She won't do her share of the housework either so parts of the house are just constantly dirty. Sometimes it gets to a point where I can't stand it anymore and I just clean up all her messes because I don't want mold and bugs getting in the house. But I'm sick of her just lying around all weekend while I clean the whole house.

It's gotten to the point where as stressful and annoying as work is at the moment, which is its whole own thing, I don't want to be home. I hate weekends because it's just me cleaning and her sleeping on the couch with the TV on. And when she is awake she wants me around and listening to her talk. Sometimes it's fun to be with her,it really is, but no matter how many hints I drop she just doesn't get that I want to be alone unless I just go in my room and close the door.

And i know a big part of it is her wanting me to be over what happened to me. Everyone in my life does. It doesn't help that I can't talk about it so people seem to think I'm done processing but I'm not. I need to be alone sometimes, or with someone but not talking. I can't just get over what happened and I honestly don't think I ever will. But I don't know anyone who's experienced the same thing so I don't have anyone to talk to about it, not even my therapist because it's not her specialty, and none of the other mental health resources in the area address it.

I really don't have any family to support me except my little brother and I'd never burden him with this. Fact is I do want him to know, he deserves to, but I haven't been able to bring myself to tell him. The only person I know who's been through the same thing is one of my co workers but I learned that through someone else and we don't know each other super well and it's not like I can just go up to her and be like "hey I heard we both went through this super personal thing wanna talk about it."

I literally feel like I have a hole in me that's never ever going to heal and literally no one in my life fucking gets that. They just want me to be better and attend to their needs. Some days I feel like I can't even go to work, but the alternative is staying home with my roommate. I don't have anywhere to go. No friends close enough to visit without notice and gas is too expensive for me to just go on a long drive like I used to love to do. I could go for a walk but there's only so many times I can do that before I just get lost in my head and that's not good either. I can't even really enjoy the media I love because I'm still so shell shocked I can't focus enough.

I just want to go back in time before any of this ever happened. Normally I'd want to fast forward until it's all better. But not this time. Because I'll never be whole again. People think I'm exaggerating but I am not. People want me to be better, it's been two weeks. And maybe I'll be okay and healthy again some day but it's a long fucking road and even if I do get there I'll never be the same.

Anyway sorry for spilling all this with no warning I just. I'm going to lose my mind.

#personal #probably deleting later

[queencvbra]

Important things to remember !

I can be slow. I have a life outside of tumblr. Sometimes I will reply in 0.2 seconds, sometimes it will take me a couple of weeks, more or less. It all depends on my energy and what my muse is leaning towards at the moment, plus there are a lot of factors like my irl schedule, my family, or my mental and physical health that can affect how much time and energy I can spare for writing. I literally have things in my drafts from three months ago because I am a Mess. My reply speed isn't a direct reflection of my interest, and if for any reason either of us decides we're not feeling a thread anymore, that's fine. And it IS okay to ask and make sure I got your reply / starter / ask / etc if you think I might have missed it bc I am forgetful and tumblr's notifications suck most of the time, I don't consider that to be pressuring me.

I have bad social anxiety. I'm working on getting better about it and have been for the past several years, but I have a disorder, so sometimes I'm having to actively work against my own funky brain chemistry. I'm not the greatest at reaching out or carrying on conversations; I'm shy, and I blank out a lot. Even if we're friends and have known each other for a while, I still have these moments, and it's never personal. I welcome ooc communication, but I know I'm not always the best at it, and I know I'm not the only one who has to deal with social anxiety so besties I promise you I understand and will never be mad if we're not talking 24/7. I just want the same understanding in return, bc how much I do or do not talk ooc is not an indicator of my interest in you as a person or your muses, it's literally just my anxiety and has nothing to do with you. We're good, I promise.

I suck at plotting things to an extent. I'm better with general directions and ideas of where we want things to go, but leaving things flexible for our muses to do their thing. Some threads do work better with more detailed plotting, but for the most part I'm perfectly fine winging everything, so there's no pressure to have some perfect plotline already scripted out before you come plot with me. Literally just throw a vague idea at me or be like "hey I think x and y should interact" and we can go from there.

I am following you because I like you and your muse(s) and your presence on my dash. I don't follow people just for the sake of following, it makes my dash feel anxious and crowded, so if I'm following you, then yes I am interested in writing with you! You are not here to pad my follower count and I am not here to pad yours. And there is no time limit here, I won't unfollow just because we didn't interact in the first two weeks or whatever. Sometimes it is harder to come up with interactions between certain muses, but if you're a chill person the odds are I'll probably just keep following you anyway because I like reading what you write, too.

I love you <3 You belong here even if you don't feel like it sometimes. If you ever think "I wonder if anyone would actually care if I deleted and left" the answer is yes. Always yes. Take care of yourself. Drink your water, take your meds, and get some rest. Tumblr can get overwhelming so don't be afraid to take breaks when you need them, and remember that just because you decided to take a break it doesn't mean everyone suddenly stopped caring or forgot about you. You matter to the people around you a lot more than you think you do, don't let the general negativity and selfish behavior on this hellsite convince you otherwise. Write with your friends and do what makes you happy, no one is entitled to shit here and this community can only function if we learn to treat each other like people again and not writing machines.

#I just felt like I needed to say it okay now back to the chaos posting #⚡ ooc. ── ❝ 𝘖𝘩 𝘯𝘰 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘪. ❞

[hungryyheartarchive]

👋 - A Friend

"edith currie," he says. maybe that's a slap in the face to the likes of roy huntley, who he had known since the third grade, but the heart wants what the heart wants - or wanted. "she was... her and her friends were the clique in high school. the untouchables. at least for the likes of me."

and he laughs, like anything's changed since then. fangs and the ability to sniff out every rodent within a one-hundred-mile radius does not a popular kid make.

"we were in the same english lit class, which was my favourite. i dunno if i believe in natural gifts, but it was the one subject that i knew i had a chance of proving myself in, so long as i put in the work. i didn't care so much about how i fared in biology or math, but i had to do well in english. it was important to me. i was passionate about it, and passion about anything other than boobs and the who isn't cool when you're fifteen. i know most kids thought i was - hey, if they even thought of me at all, you know, but they thought i was very serious and very busy. a square, basically. i think that was the general consensus they agreed on. there was this writing competition i won... they printed my story in one of the local papers. some kids made fun of it. usually just in the hallways, they'd shout out a line at me but some adjective would be replaced with schlong, but someone brought it up one day in class and even before mr. lopez could get a word in, she whipped around in her chair and told them that if they broke her concentration she'd break their teeth. but she said it with this - she had such a sweet smile on her face. her oracy was unmatched. it was excellent. it was horrifying. it was so damn cool. and she gave me this... look, afterward, like: you're welcome.

"she joined the debate team the year i made co-captain. i could see why - she had a natural way with words. that's how we got to talking, at the start. but then she'd stop and say hi to me by my locker. or at lunch, even on the days we didn't have practice. i knew what her friends must've thought about it - oh, god, i've seen some messed up shit in my life, but one of my most harrowing experiences is the look on their faces when she invited me to go to a party with them. she never seemed to be affected by any of that status stuff. i never really knew why, exactly, i thought she was miles ahead of the rest of us - why all of that clique felt like that. maybe just because they had hit the jackpot when it came to looks, and personality, and being born into the right families, and all that stuff but that's all superficial. she had the sort of - i-don't-care-what-anyone-else thinks that you only really start to master when your frontal lobe isn't squishy anymore. i really think i was - inspired by her, more than anything else. of course the fact she smelled good was a nice touch. and the way she styled her hair, and she had this one blouse...

"anyway, just before the summer, we won a debate tournament, and the school gave us money to go out and celebrate. so long as it was a family-friendly celebration. took a while for everyone's schedules to align. when it did, we went bowling. bowling was big back then. do people still bowl anymore? it was fun. it wasn't anywhere near as awkward as i kept telling myself it would be. even when miles brought out his thumb protector. and i didn't ruin it the way i kept telling myself i would. i walked her home, because i'm so chivalrous - right on the cusp of july. felt like the sun was gonna keep on setting forever without ever reaching the ground. that was when she gave me her home phone number, and i spent the rest of the summer being too chicken to actually call her. oh, i had plans. big plans. and i'd guard the hallway where the phone lived in our house, and i'd toss pintacks at my brothers and sisters when they got too close. then i'd spend the whole night looking at the wall, wishing i had the guts and hating myself because i didn't. what's the use in being the smartest guy in english lit if you haven't got any guts? i knew what was scaring me: was it enough just to make her laugh? can friendships really be sustained on that? what would happen when she found out that was all i was good at? sure, i could spell acquiesce, but... i never felt like i could be the whole package. not even just to edith. to anybody.

"i saw her again, when school started back. i couldn't believe it when she asked where i had been. i made up this ridiculous story that my uncle took me to the bahamas out of the blue. by the way, my uncle wouldn't pee on me if i was on fire. he never forgave me for spitting up on his birthday cake when i was two. and i didn't think she would've minded - she probably regretted giving me access like that. now here she was, telling me that there was things she had wanted to go to that her friends had no interest in - can you believe her friends didn't want to go see the re-release of smokey and the bandit? - she thought it'd be perfect for us. for us? there was an us? that gave me all the guts i'd ever need. too much, actually. maybe it was a good thing that life, uh, took a turn for me. i know i would've made a complete ass out of myself asking her to that fall dance. and it's better to have the memories i do have, instead of one catastrophic disaster overshadowing all the rest of it."

he didn't realize he had this much to say about edith. the sudden awareness of this makes him fidget. funny how you never know how much you've got bottled up until someone pops the cork out.

conrad clears his throat and straightens his slouched back. he's still got the same awful posture he had back then. "i miss her." there's that laugh again, and his eyes cast downwards as his knuckles rub underneath his chin. " and you know what. we would've had a lot of fun at that dance, i think." he smiles. his frontal lobe will always be squishy, so maybe he's unable to commit to it, but he knows that it's okay to feel good about yourself sometimes, and say it out loud. "even though i would've been astonishingly sweaty."

#headcanons. #asks. #bewitchingbaker

[shittyzevra]

4 years of Bliss

A little bird passed by me today and told me that good things should be mentioned behind the person as well, so this is probably long overdue but I'm still doing it anyway.

In the past 4 years, I have been blessed with a partner who has been beautiful, hot as fuck, loyal to a fault and have been nothing short of amazing. I wouldn't have come this far without her help in my career or grow as a person. The relationship has probably ticked a lot of lists on my wishlist!

The reason this writing has been overdue, and it's lack of it's existence:

I pretty much tell her everyday to the point that it's probably too much (dibilang lebay, bias banget, aela) - but I still do it anyway.

I say this to pretty much everyone else I meet. There have been so many instances that I just slip her name here and there and how proud I am to be with her.

To my second point, I hangout with people a lot in smoking areas with the people in my office. If she had just met with Ilham, Jan, Jen, Man, or even Dodo they would defo say the same thing: "I've heard a lot of good things about you". Adding to this, the amount that I talk about her to my business partners is also astounding, do you understand how much you have to talk about your partner to the point that they even check up on your partner?!?!?!? Sher even ask about your race last week.

Those were the reasons why this writing is long overdue, my colleagues, my friends (even the attractive ones), my business partners have heard most of your good things.

But really at the end of the day the question pertains "what sort of good things does he say about his partner" and to that I say, good question!

If you only judge my relationship by the writings I do on my partner here on my tumblr, it probably looks depressing and sad. But that's because the writings here are only my deepest desires that I couldn't really bring myself up to ask because I think they're so stupid and invalid to the point I don't wanna ask of it to anyone or even bring it to said friends. (I think I'll screenshot some of the things I say to my friends about her here).

I think the little bird that passed by me today was wrong, it's important to say those good things behind that person AND also to said person.

Let's take a look at some of the greatest things that happened. These, btw, were rarely shared to anyone else, but I cherish them a lot.

1. The "bb pegel" Anomaly

After she started running intensely in 2019, her legs are pretty much messed up especially seeing how ambitious she has had been. Come rain, storm and hellfire she would look at her running schedule and follow those to a T. I sometimes don't understand this thought process but again it is how it is. I used to hate it a lot but I came to terms with it and I laugh at how silly it is sometimes.

But the best part about it? No matter how many physiotherapy sessions or even massages outdoor, whenever there's a possibility I could massage her she would go "bb pegel, maw pijet" with those puppy eyes and it's the most adorable shit I've ever seen. Even my cat Koko doesn't come close in terms of adorableness.

She hates it when I say it's adorable

But it's so cute and stupid cz it's been so many sessions but it pretty much has become a ritual. It's not even a sensual massage mind you - massages don't work as an aphrodisiac anymore in this relationship - it's purely a favor that she asks because she wants the massage. It sounds weird that this is a part of the relationship that I cherish a lot.

but you don't choose your zing, and apparently this is one of my moments.

2. The ambitions

I was never a dreamer but when I do I aimed low.

But she works differently, and is probably built different as well.

Late last year she got 12th place in a huge running event

12th - that's probably 0.5% top achiever

I only got 0.5% level as Drake's listener last year on Spotify

If that was me, I would've been so proud already and probably just chill for the rest of my life.

but not her, I remember she was quite bummed at that event and thought she could've done so many things differently. She worked harder than before after and didn't reach her goals after. But her obsession with something WHEN she puts her mind to it is amazing.

If it weren't for her, I would've probably done a lot of things in my life differently. No #1 placement in Shopee, no ambitions to go much much higher, not even Bicarakan.id could get that funding and scale.

She has a huge impact on my life, and probably all this has been enough.

3. The Loyalty

I don't see myself as an overachiever or high status or high earner or good looking. So a lot of time I don't really know why she's staying but she's staying anyway.

With how she's built, the achievements she has amounted, I'm pretty sure she can pull someone from high society and live a better life. With probably someone who treats her as well as I do (or even better).

Even then, the people that approached her has been coldly rejected by her and she never made any moves that's dodgy.

She makes me feel safe. Never in the past 4 years of being with her have I ever felt like she was going to betray me or cheat on me. I could trust her 100%.

I like that feeling, I feel safe, I feel like I needed that.

Anyway with all that being said, I also mention a lot of other things to my friends: how hot you are, how you're always very entertaining, how happy I am in this relationship and also how I wanna wife you as soon as possible if the whole religion/family fiasco isn't around.

I cherish her a lot

It's just that sometimes there are things that I wanna ask to her but I feel like I'm asking too much. I've asked her to check my essay, but she's been busy I've been making moves on her but she didn't respond I've been asking her a lot on stuff but her responds have been lukewarm

and I get that it's just a relationship cycle thing, it gets to a long period and probably the magic on her just sort of fizzles out. Like soda in a coke bottle.

I wanna keep it magical and feel that butterfly more, but probably that's just for teenagers. I hope even when it fizzles out, she still feels loved and cherished.

#journal

[withtheghostofblue]

theres so much that i want to tell you. i wanna tell you how I got all the scars. i wanna tell you why I flinch when someone comes near, why I don't like to tell people when things have gone wrong. you're the reason I keep going right now. that fucking scared. i wanted to tell you how I was fucking scared that I was gonna lose everything, that I was gonna lose myself. that I was gonna end up fucking everything up. that day you walked up and started talking about how you liked my hair color I was planning on ending it all. i have the notes. you had no idea how much that occupied my mind. that it distracted me. it kept my mind busy. since then you've done nothing but live in my mind. you don't mean to. but every time I don't hear from you I wonder what you're up to if you're safe. i wish I had the time to tell you about everything. i wish I could tell you how I wish I went deeper so that it would scar me because I was told earlier in life that I didn't go deep enough for it to count. i was scratching at my cuts and you realized and instead of yelling at me you put your hand there so I couldn't. you came to me that night not caring about what it meant for everything. you didn't care that you may get in trouble, you didn't care that I was a mess, you let me cry and just held me. you are the first person since my green that did this. i don't know how to handle this. I'm scared. scared that I'm going to lose you, scared that I've fallen too hard too fast. scared that once you find out about the shit I've been through that you arent gonna fucking want to deal with me. there will be times ill stop taking my meds just because I want to feel something. there will be days that I feel like I cant fucking get out of bed. that I cant move. there's been so many days that i called out of work because I couldn't function. i don't want to drag you down. i don't want to scare you. to hurt you. i get attached too fast. too fucking hard. you're addicting and you make me forget. forget that I hate my body, hate that I cant go three days without panic attacks and breaking down. i wish I wasn't like this. i know you don't like talking about things, neither do I. i cant tell you how many times that I needed you but I was scared to ask for you. i miss you already. i cant stop thinking about all the times I almost went through with it. how many times it should have worked but I'm not fucking sure why it didn't. i wish it did sometimes. i wish I didn't have to deal with everything. i wish that my head stopped spinning for more than like five minutes at a time. i wish my vision wasn't going shotty all the time. i wish that I wouldn't get up too fast and fucking almost pass out. i keep saying that I would sleep but I'm not gonna lie I stay awake just thinking. thinking about ways out. thinking how I can leave without hurting anyone anymore. i almost had it but you came into my life. i wasn't gonna let you get close, I didn't want you to get so fucking close. i just wanna be done with everything. I'm so tired, every time I close my eyes all I see is the dark from that night and the cuts and bruises. all I can hear is "up. now." and then "I'm sorry, you didn't really seem to hate it". i don't know what the fuck to do. i just want everything to stop. I'm so fucking tired all the time. i quit my job, I couldn't go somewhere where everyone knows of him. the fact he knew where I worked, the fact that he had the schedule. everything hurts and I don't wanna fucking be here. genuinely. it scares me. everything hurts a lot less when you're here. and that scares me even more. i don't know how I would say goodbye to you. i think it would break you're heart, and I cant see your pretty face cry. that's what scares me the most, you know? being responsible for your heart. I'm not good with things like this. hell, I cant take care of myself. let alone someone else. i worry about you so much, the fact you have a plan. the fact that at any moment I could lose you and that I couldn't do anything about it. I'm spiraling. i need to go.

[binniedeactivated]

— #txt reactions.

(toxic txt....)

a/n; hey guysssss <3 toxic txt under the cut

╰┈➤ soobin --- it finally happened and you couldn't be happier. you were waiting for this moment since you first got the job. especially since you worked your ass off in that place day and night, picking up the slack that your coworkers left for you. you were excited that all of that work didn't go to waste and that your boss finally saw the value you held at the company. when you finally came home you just wanted to do a happy dance across the kitchen floor. a $25,000 raise and a promotion was enough to make you dance like no one was watching. except, someone was watching and it was your beloved husband soobin, who was currently cooking and smirking a little at how giddy you looked. "someone's excited?", he spoke, stirring the food in the pot. you turned to hang your coat on the coat rack trying to hold back how much you wanted to just run around the house. "I have good news baby". he fetches the seasonings across from him. "what is it?". you exhaled, "remember when I'd come home complaining about work and how lazy my coworkers are and how they never do anything?". soobin nods and hums. "mhm?". your heart started to pound. "well.. I don't have to do that anymore because i finally got a raise and a promotion! And I'm making more money than them now. I even get to manage several locations I'm so excited!". you were expecting a lot of reactions out of soobin, but one thing you weren't expecting was for him to go completely cold after that sentence. he didn't smile or jump around with you. he just stood there and continued cooking as if you didn't say anything at all. "soobin?". he hums in response. "did you hear me? I just said I got a promotion and a raise". he nods his head. "yeah I heard you". you throw your hands down at your sides, getting pissed. "so? you're not going to be happy for me?". he leans his hands on the counter giving you a deathly stare. "you don't ever think before you take things? like honestly. how are you going to manage several locations that are much too far from the house? that position is too much". he said annoyingly. you couldn't believe he was being like this. "it's a position that's going to get me closer to the position I really want to be in. why are you turning this into something negative?". he continues stirring, "because it is. it's a dumb decision".

╰┈➤ yeonjun --- as soon as you guys started this type of relationship you agreed it would be a strictly friends with benefits type of deal. no romance or anything of that sort. just sex. good enough sex to satisfy you both throughout your stressors of life. you couldn't get enough of yeonjun and he couldn't get enough of you. he knew exactly how to handle you. but as yeonjun came and went from tour to tour around the world, you had kids. two of them. and it was getting difficult by the day caring for them by yourself and taking in all the finanical responsibility especially if their father was a pop star. yes, yeonjun was their father and you had yet to tell him. in order to cover things up you told him you were screwing around with one of your exes, which yeonjun didn't really care about since he was only with you just for the sex anyways. well, that's mainly what scared you. he didn't care about you or your life, just sex with you. it was the weekend just before yeonjun was scheduled to go on another tour again, and after another session with him he had fallen asleep beside you. money was getting tight and you were on the verge of almost losing your home due to caring for the kids. you decided that it was time he knew, so that he could at least help you. you shook him gently until his eyes fluttering open. "yeonjun? we need to talk". he rubs his eyes and yawns. "about?". you bit the sides of your tongue nervously. "i haven't been honest with you". you admitted, leaving yeonjun to immediately give you a heart wrenching stare that gave you goosebumps. that was another thing about yeonjun. he had a temper equivalent to a lion's roar. "what are you talking about?". you breathed. "those kids? that I told you were from my ex...they're not. they're yours. I had them while you were touring and I hid most of my pregnancy from you and I'm sorry. I'm struggling to raise them alone and I really need a father figure to help me with this". he immediately exhales and facepalms himself in distress. "why are you just now telling me this shit?". "I was scared of what you were going to say". "you don't just drop that on someone. especially while I'm in the midst of another tour-- i can't do this right now". he grabs his shirt and wrestles it over his head. "where are you going?". "I'm leaving. I have to deal with this when I'm ready to deal with it". he lifts himself off the bed and you panic when he walk towards the door. "yeonjun I'm telling you I need help I can't do this alone". he doesn't even look at you before he shuts the door behind himself. "I have to go".

╰┈➤ beomgyu --- "well I think this house is perfect for you both and I can't wait to see you two moving in it". you nodded at your realtor, doing the last walk around in the home you and beomgyu dreamt of having. you wished he could've been here, the moment you guys were finally going to pay the closing costs and settle things just before moving in. but unfortunately he told you that he had to work almost all day today and he wouldn't have the time. you thought this was kind of a special moment but you didn't want to make such a fuss about it. you instead did things on your own, pooling out your wallet to pay the money that would make you and beomgyu home owners. but once you unzipped your wallet you realized that every wad of cash that you held within it was gone. your stomach churned at the sight, not believing this was happening to you at this moment. you gave a nervous chuckle at your realtor, doing another search through your purse trying to figure out if it dropped in there perhaps. you could've sworn it was in your wallet beforehand. looking through your purse hadn't helped, you could only find a couple of old crumpled dollar bills. what was once the most happiest moment of your life quickly became the most embarrassing. and to make matters worse you recalled that beomgyu had been spending more than usual lately, thousands at a time in fact and claiming that it was for work. nothing made you more angry than being embarrassed like that in front of your realtor and possibly loosing the home, most of this anger is the anger that you unleashed on beomgyu as soon as he walked in the door that night. "so what the fuck gyu? what the fuck was that today?". he kicked his shoes off at the door tiredly. "what are you talking about?". he asks even though he knew already. he expected this to happen."you know that house that we already started buying? yeah the closing fee had to be paid today and you knew that. where did all that money go?! why the fuck are you spending so much money?! that was the house that we always wanted". "I didn't spend the money. I don't know what your problem is, blaming me when you're the one being irresponsible". "you're a liar! that closing money was in my wallet for weeks. now all of a sudden when I'm about to spend it it's gone. you have bad spending habits and lately they've gotten worse. where's the fucking money gyu?". he said nothing, just continued walking passed you and getting ready for bed like you weren't even there. he knew what he spent the money on. strippers and explicit services from different women. but that was the last thing he was going to tell you. you swallowed hard and continued speaking. your cheeks burned with fury. "and to top it all off you knew I wanted that house to be ours so we can build a family and start our life in it. why do you do fucked up shit and just not care?". he finally shifted his attention towards you, looking more mellow than anything else. "you need to calm down. alright? I didn't spend it. and if anything, we can find a house somewhere else. it isn't that serious and you need to stop blaming me for everything".

╰┈➤ taehyun --- it always got like this when taehyun was drunk. and taehyun drank pretty often. he wasn't a stranger to liquor and that's what made you most afraid when he got a hold of any. especially on a night like this. your job was having a banquet in celebration of your boss and you were required to attend. you bought a beautiful gown for yourself and of course a lot of expensive makeup and jewelry. you wanted to look your absolute best since almost every executive you could name would be there. but unfortunately taehyun was home, drinking and watching you get ready. he winced at the burning sensation of the liquor slithering down his throat. "where do you think you're going?". you could see him through your long mirror, looking like a drunken mess. his eyes were hazed and he didn't really look like himself. not the sweetheart taehyun that you once knew, the one that used his funny and romantic personality to reel you in the beginning. "I'm going to a banquet taehyun. it's for my boss and I can't be late". he swallows and takes another look at you. "you think you're going anywhere looking like that? what? are you planning on leaving me?". you should've. you should've left him a long time ago as soon as he started to show signs and you knew it. "It's a banquet taehyun. I have to look my best. I can't be looking crazy in front of everyone". he did that fake laugh that you hated. "stop being a liar. you think you're leaving me, and I'm not letting that happen". you shake your head. "don't start this. not tonight. I told you I have somewhere to be and I'm telling the truth. If I were leaving you I would've been gone already". he gives another throaty laugh before taking another swig of his drink. he was nothing like you thought he was when you first met him. "please. you would've been gone already? do you really think there's people out there that want you?". you snapped your head back at him in shock. "what?". "I said do you really think there's people out there that want you? you're lucky that you even have me. you haven't left me not because you don't want to, but because you can't". you clenched your jaw tightly in a fit of rage. "what?". he smirked. he liked whenever he hit a nerve with you. "you heard me. you made me like this. drinking all the time and shit. you drive me crazy. you see how much you've ruined me? you're a toxic piece of shit and no one else is going to put up with you".

╰┈➤ kai --- you both talked about this already. way before your relationship had even started heuning assured that he was completely fine with it. you had a son from your previous boyfriend and kai offered to care for him even though he wasn't exactly his. your son wasn't the problem but it was your ex that drove kai up a wall. he hated the way that your ex was still in love with you. he hated the way he looked at you. he hated the way he talked to you, sweet, and almost as if he was trying his absolute best to win your heart back. what you didn't know about kai was that his jealousy streak was far beyond anything you could ever imagine. so much that he wouldn't even be able to stomach the thought of you with someone else. or you having friends even, taking away the time you could've been spending with him. his jealousy went to unbearable lengths, most of which you haven't seen because he hid this trait from you. it was your son's third birthday, you were throwing a party from him in the backyard of your home. it was the cutest thing kai had ever saw and he wanted to just jump in the bouncy houses along with the kids. but instead, your boyfriend put his childlike traits away and steadily watched you and the father of your child talking across the yard. he couldn't tell what the conversation was about but he saw the man smiling. it didn't take much for kai to make assumptions and as of now he assumed he was flirting with you yet again. he approached the both of you, sliding his arm around your waist and kissing you on your cheek right in front of him. he could see the anger simmering in the man's eyes but kai didn't care. he does that smile that he does for everyone. the smile that made him look like an innocent child "baby I think jae had an accident in the bouncy house", kai informed you. you hurried to the child's aid just like he wanted, leaving him and the man alone. kai reaches into his back pocket and discreetly flicks up his blade, pushing it against the man's clothed stomach. the man's eyes grew large at the sudden threat. kai smirked at his fear. his smile faded and his eyes grew incredibly dark. "flirt with my fiancé again and I promise this blade will go straight through you".

#yeonjun #yeonjun angst #toxic!jun #soobin #soobin angst #toxic!soobin #beomgyu #beomgyu angst #toxic!gyu #taehyun #taehyun angst #toxic!tyun #kai #heuning kai angst #toxic!kai #toxic!txt #txt reactions #txt angst #toxic relationships

[stray-kids-react]

02 liner aussie girl joining the group

Masterlist

...

Bang Chan

° Sees you as a little sister, and will baby you nonstop for that reason alone. Expect very long hugs and him trying to beg you for some affection.

° Let Felix take charge in helping you around JYP, watching from afar like a proud father. Even if you aren't much younger than the members, he can't help but become a giddy mess when you literally do anything.

° Since he sees you as a little sister, that also means he is very protective over you. Not even Minho can tease you for too long without Chan becoming a bit tense. He just doesn't want you to ever feel uncomfortable.

° Does many vlives with you, chatting about your life and what parts of Australia you grew up in. Whenever he is introducing you or if you call him during a vlive, he'll call you little sissy.

° Many stays have made edits of Chan babying you or treating you like a literal angel, you both have watched edits like these and neither of you can deny that he doesn't do either of those things.

"My little sissy y/n did great today in our dance practice, isn't that right sissy?" he asked, sitting you on his lap.

"Yeah, Minho Oppa helped me learn quite a bit. But I couldn't have succeeded it without my personal cheerleader Chris." You replied.

Lee Know

° Doesn't make a huge deal out of it, is honestly just really happy to have a new member. He doesn't care that your a girl or a fellow aussie, just sees you as a member.

° If you are ever struggling with Korean he'll do his best to try and help you, even if it is only on small thing such as the way you pronounce words. He admits to finding your struggles pretty adorable.

° Even though he is a huge tease, he'll go easy on you for the first two months. Letting you get settled in and get use to the chaotic behavior of all of them. But after those months pass, he'll start to tease.

° Minho likes to challenge you to dance battles during practice, seeing if you will ever beat him on one. But luckily whenever Snsd comes on you are in your element, showing him the true Gee master.

° Minho has a soft spot fro you due toy your age, he won't tease you too harshly and won't get mad if you don't remember one of his cat's names. All of the members notice his new soft spot for you.

"So I know Soonie, Doongie... And?" you sighed, trying to remember the third cat of Minho's.

"Dori, it's okay. At least you remembered two of them." He reassured, Felix looking at him with shock from across the room.

Changbin

°When he heard that you would be joining the group, he hoped that you wouldn't make fun of him as much as the other members. And if you did, it wouldn't be too harsh.

° Appreciated that you weren't teasing him 24/7, and if you are shorter than him then he would be very smiley and giddy for days. Changbin likes your company and would often want to hang around you.

° Buys you coffee/tea every morning, and only you (occasionally Felix). And when the members ask, he explains that you earned your coffee/tea by not teasing him. Even if they haven't teased him for days.

° You are his favorite member, even if he won't admit it... Everyone knows it. You are his best friend and he doesn't want that relationship to change. Unlike the fan's pov, he sees you only as a best friend.

° Whenever he does a vlive with you, your ship name is all over the chat. Neither of you speak out about it, but both of you don't like each other in that way. And it makes situations awkward when they ship you two.

"I can't believe we're a ship, that is so weird to me." You chuckled, scrolling through Instagram on your phone.

"I know right! I don't get why a girl and a guy can't be friends without people shipping them." He sighed, clearly frustrated.

Hyunjin

° Becomes putty in your hands, he just finds everything about you adorable. It also doesn't help that you are Australian, which he happens to have an interest in.

° He wouldn't describe his feelings towards you as a crush, more as a little sister and der brother relationship. He would feel weird if you ever developed something for him, since he is too close to you to be a couple.

° Very clingy towards you, constantly draping himself across you. Or sitting you on his lap when you are worn out from practice, he often let's you take naps on him. He also treats you to sweets, even when on diets.

° Hyunjin once got frustrated over how JYP was treating you, giving you an extreme diet even though you were already working hard enough. So he'd reassure you that him and Chan would talk with JYP about it.

° Hyunjin can be seen copying your accent, whether it be for fun or just to tease you. He'll copy or pick up on your accent, many fan's hearts melting at his determination to be part of the aussie line.

"I shouldn't be having this cupcake." You sighed, placing the cupcake you've been eyeing for the past few minutes.

"Screw JYP, eat what you want. You are your own person and shouldn't listen to some old man." He defended, passing the cupcake.

Han

° Was the first member you met, even though it was by total accident. You both ran into each other when he was leaving the building and you were entering.

° You dropped the coffee all onto yourself in shock, making him chuckle as he tried to help you clean yourself up. He helped you into JYP, having no clue that you are going to be the new member joining.

° When Chan introduced you to the members the next day, Han was shocked. He was surprised to see a familiar face, but was also pleased knowing you seemed to be quite a sweet and charming person.

° You both are the stars whenever on reality shows together, many seeing you both as a chaotic duo. Doni and Coni once tried to correct you, telling you that women shouldn't be so hyper. Han got pissed.

° Not only did Han correct them on their manners, but also told them that a man shouldn't tell a woman what to do. Many fans and netizens applauded him for protecting his new and sweet Maknae.

"I swear those guys get on my nerves sometimes, don't listen to them." He sighed, patting your head softly.

"It's okay Hannie, I'm glad that I have some older brothers to stand up for me." You reassured, melting his heart.

Felix

° You are nervous to be around Felix, not because he's intimidating or harsh. But because he is so nice and angelic, and you don't want to develop a crush on a member.

° Even if you don't see him in that light at first, it will happen eventually because he has such an addicting energy that surround him. Felix is a sunshine, and it isn't hard to see why everyone loves him.

° Felix wants to make you feel as comfortable as possible, usually being the member picking up pads/tampons for you. He secretly develops a small crush on you, but he knows it would end up bad.

° You both would be worried about it ending bad due to the popularity of the band, Felix's popularity, your new career, and JYP's strict rules. So both of you don't truly progress that side of your relationship.

° It could blossom into something more serious in the future, but for right now it is just a mutual crush that both of you must hide. Your friendship is still very strong nonetheless, and you appreciate that.

"Okay here's a hard question, Back Door or All In?" you asked, as the managers watched you both from behind the camera.

"Neither because you aren't in them." He answered, trying to play it off as playful more so than flirtatious.

Seungmin

° Seungmin is your dorm mate, who always manages to make your nights more calm. He reassures you every night that you are doing great, even if you don't believe him.

° You both wrote down a schedule for dishes, laundry, cooking ect. The only exceptions to it is having a terrible day, birthday, or being sick. Either than that then you must follow the schedule stuck into the fridge.

° You both have derpy photos of each other as your wallpapers, both being taken when both of you just woke up. Seungmin can't help but giggle silently whenever he opens up his phone, looking at your bed head.

° Seungmin helps you out with waking up, letting you get use to the schedule of being an idol. Taking as many pillows to the face as he needs to for you to finally wake up, Once getting feathers in his hair due to it.

° Many think you both knew each other before you became a member, but you both explained that you just understand each other well and clicked when you met. Neither of you grew up together.

"Is today you dish day or mine?" he asked, bottle of soap already in his hand ready to begin cleaning.

"Mine, but I had a terrible day today. JYP critiqued everything about me." You huffed, getting a soft hug from Seungmin.

Jeongin

° Is glad he won't be babied as much since he isn't the maknae anymore, but will miss the benefits of being able to aegyo your way out of responsibilities.

° All of the members call you the babies or the baby line, even if either of you ar taller than some of them. Jeongin is also appreciative that he now has someone to relate to with being a babied quite often.

° He'll still call you noona just to get under your skin, but you honestly don't mind being called noona or unnie. Especially since some stays are younger than you, but you can become playfully annoyed at times.

° Jeongin will warm up to you very fast and treat you like a sister, he'll spoil you with stuffies and share his food with you every meal. Even though mama gets scold him for it, he doesn't care and continues to do it.

° Chan will cover both of your eyes when the members do something sexy, even if you kind of want to see it (mostly to tease them). But you understand why, since both fo you will get flustered by it easily.

"Y/n noona likes to steal my food sometimes." Jeongin admitted to fans, smiling at your playful glare.

"You share your food and insist I eat it Jeongin Oppa." You defend, watching the fans respond to the situation.

#stray kids #kpop #changbin #skz scenarios #stray kids reactions #han jisung #hyunjin #jeongin #lee know #bang chan #felix skz #skz seungmin #skz requests #skz reactions

[moonlitberrry]

not so popular

➀ ᴀ/ɴ: based from what wonho wore last halloween i'll be following in pursuit of this school themed au where he's a football player and you're his best friend off the same year and i won't disclose that you're a nerd in this but be whoever you want. kinda christmas theme actually

➁ ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: football player! lee hoseok/wonho x reader

➂ ɢᴇɴʀᴇ: fluff, school au

➃ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: none

once the football team opened vacant spots for new comers that's where wonho popped in

he trained a whole lot for this to join the football team and that include:

working out and staying fit

he plays as their new tight end offensive line

you wouldn't worry much about his well-being since he never skips meals or anything just like a couple of people who would prefer protein bars and drinks instead of other food

he uses that but also eats

he healthy boy

always attends practices and would never skip a single one unless there's an emergency

have grown popular in the football team quickly after one game

he was really nervous in playing in their first game like,

he can't focus and kept jumping like a lil bunny all around, trying to convince himself

"i can do this, i can do this."

"of course you can, hoseok!"

he felt so relieved that you’re always there with him. you’ve always been there with him ever since childhood

the both of you are friends since grade school and have always hanged out in each other’s homes. whenever wonho’s parents were out he always stay in around yours

as usual some people and a few of your friends thought that the both of you were a couple because of how close you are with him

you refused 

you weren’t in a denial but you just saw him as one of your family members, like a brother and everyone respected that

no one from your classes ever decided to push you about your relationship with wonho and you were glad they stopped because it gets annoying when they do

so, you’re comforting wonho and his anxiousness over playing in the field

at first you’re not allowed inside the locker room of the football players until a few of wonho’s teammates, the captain, let you in

you almost resulted to kicking one of them until they let you in but decided against detention than anything else

wonho would flip and ask you how you end up there

once you were by wonho’s side you comforted him and pat his back, telling him you’ll be cheering him on 

he keeps asking questions regarding his worries

“what if i mess up?”

“this is my first game, omg omg. this is my first!”

“oh hoseok, you won’t mess up. you’ve been practicing this all week. kill that game!”

because of your encouragements, it made him more pumped up into playing on the field

his teammates found it impossible to bring his mood up, but somehow you’re able to cheer him up for every crisis he receives

from that day on, wonho’s teammates allow you inside the locker room every time wonho becomes nervous 

ever since wonho’s first game his popularity grew

he became busy over the following years that the both of you hardly even talked to each other

you proposed on talking every night but he’s always tired after practice or hanging out with the guys

he promises to hang out with you, which resulted to movie nights every month 

the both of you scheduled on every friday night of the week but wonho kept canceling your plans with him

he’s very guilty about it

he wants to spend time with you everyday like before, but the both of you grew busy over your academics and school curricular activities 

expect random texts from your boi

to: [ your caller I.D ]

from: hoho

hey! have a great day, don't forget to eat your breakfast. i got you a pancake bunny :D see you then!

when you got downstairs you found oddly shaped pancakes but it cutely formed into a bunny

with whip cream as the tail

because he's whipped for you, get it? :'D ahAHa i need to stop laughing at my own jokes

a cute lil bunny just like him

you never cared how different it looked like, it honestly looks unique and cute making you snap a photo of it and save it for keep sakes

almost everyday whenever he had the time he would always leave little small texts to you which you happily see at any given time of the day

and you text him back the same kind of affection and his heart goes CRAZY

you don't know that yet because the both of you hardly see each other but when he looks at you he has heart eyes

that whipped that you aren't aware of but anyway

you wish you could see him in person somehow

i mean, you do see him in school but he's usually busy with practice so you weren't sure

he also found a new group of friends recently that are not much of your status level

they all seem nice but you're not exactly sure on how to talk to wonho's new friends

somehow you find his name being off and across the campus of how a lot of people thought he was cool and how much a couple of them had a crush on him too

you aren't lying, you also find wonho that way

except for the crush

there is no way you would be crushing on your best friend, that would be awkward to handle

but you did

and you didn't know how to handle it

but one night

FINALLY

you get to hang out with him again after so long and it made the both of you relieved

thanking it all to your holidays break! (happy holidays! :D)

wonho made you pick out the movie for the both of you to watch while he chose the food

ever since then

he NEVER changed

well except for the fact of being really obvious of how much he likes you

would sometimes consult a couple of his friends on how to talk to you about it

and or ask you out

because

i mean he has asked someone out before and you were aware of it until he broke up with them around some year ago

so yes, boi is nervous

what else didn't change from him?

oh yeah, ramen

expect two bowls of ramen that he prepared for the both of you to have

"i. really. love. ramen. owki?"

"aww, more than you love me? ;("

"... but i do love you."

you laughed it off and decided to eat but he was serious though

it made you stop and stare at him like,

wait wait wait

you love who?

"i love you, (y/n)... i really do."

ok so you actually thought he liked someone else and not you

he has a bunch of admirers recently that you can't count how much because THEY'RE A LOT

and wonho is hot so

oh wow look im rhyming

you can't blame them for it but i guess you stole his bunny heart already

for a very long time really

"i actually thought you liked someone else."

"you might think that way but you never failed to cross my mind ever since we were busy. i like talking to you and ever since we were separated like that it made me miss you a whole lot, you know?"

and here you are, gradually melting

honestly, the both of you don't know what to do next but one of you should speak

"i'm so thankful to have this time with you again. so, will you spend it now with your best friend?"

"oh hoseok, not best friend."

"iM nOt yOur fRienD aNymOre??? D:"

"no, but my boyfriend, silly"

"oHhhhh"

this made you laugh at how cute he is

"well in that case ;)"

of course, made the move to kiss you first right on your break with him

had the need to initiate it right when the both of you confessed

"time to watch some sweet holidays flicks to start the day with my favorite person"

"oh, absolutely"

that's not your last kiss though

kisses you a lot lot ever since then

also made a make shift headband where a mistletoe hung

only wears it when the both of you are alone and he can have his sweet time of kissing you,,, under the mistletoe

he just wants your affection, owki?

he just wants all of your loveeee

but wow though, your friends cheering you both for finally getting into a relationship

they thought it was so obvious

that the both of you would like each other at some point

and you guys did ♡

so this is not over guys, i got a little more info as football player wonho aight?

you always come to his games of course and he always asks for a kiss before a game starts

its to boost up his energy and you're just,

"don't you have a lot energy already?"

"pllleeaaaassseee"

he won't stop whining about it

honestly just wants your kisses and your love

and so it became a habit of you kissing him before a game starts

when he looses you give extra affection

when he wins he will take you out somewhere or just host up a lazy date at your place

he always ask for a hug or a kiss every after practice

"babe, i'm home! now how about a-."

"i'll give you a kiss after you shower-."

always sweaty after practice, the sweat of hard work

you only give him a peck on the cheek after he's done with practice but no cuddle until he showers

you would always help him catch up whenever he misses a class or two because of practices where a big game is on

boy lacks a bit of sleep so yes

always remind him to pack extra food and water just in case

sometimes you would do it because he forgets

am i done now? yes yes i am finally done.

« back to hoho masterlist

#wonho #wonho imagines #wonho x reader #wonho cute #wonho reactions #lee hoseok #lee hoseok imagines #lee hoseok x reader #lee hoseok fluff #lee hoseok cute #lee hoseok reactions

[mynameisminhooooo]

They get to spend all of quarantine with their s/o (Monsta X)

Request : Hi!! Could you do an exo and/or Monsta x reaction to getting to spend all of quarantine with you?

Sorry I put in bullet points bc it's felt like it made more sense? Sorry if you didn't like that. I also included what y'all would do. Bc why not¿

Shownu :

Omg this precious little bear was beyond excited to spend quarantine

Like as soon as his manager said plans were cancelled until further notice he ran out of the practice room

"Y/n I'm staying with you during quarantine..."

"Oh. Aight"

Your guy's quarantine consisted of laying in bed from the moment you woke up till 4 pm

As well as making a lot of food

And taking baths bc social distancing who?

Leads to other things 34% if the time, bc why not??

And of course singing together and him teaching you how to dance to all the songs

Cooking with this dude, where do I start

100% chance of making a mess

Would knock over bowls of side dishes while trying to grab a towel to wipe his hands

Just smiled at you when the food is all over the ground

Talking to the other members over the phone during dinner so it was like you guys were all eating together

Taking food to the other members and leaving it on the doorstep

One time they came outside before he was able to run back to the car and he was convinced he was contaminated

You had to spray him with Lysol to make him feel better

Him just being a whole lil bear the whole time

You guys would go on walks when you'd feel couped up too much

Y'all would be that extremely cute ass couple during quarantine

"I'm so glad I got to spend my quarantine with you" he'd say while kissing your forehead

"I love you y/n"

"I love me too, but your cool too"

"That's not funny" cue pout

Wonho :

Would literally be so happy to spend time with you

Hasn't seen you in like 2 weeks because of his rigorous schedule

When he finally gets to you're guy's apartment he'd just drop all his stuff and run to you, wrapping you in the biggest hug

You guys would eat until you couldn't breath

Ordering take out everyday sometimes for all 3 meals

You guys would take an online art class because why not

Video chatting his family and ofc the members to make sure everyone was well and healthy

Calling his mom 3 times a day

Would be the person who stocks up on toilet paper

Disinfecting everything every morning

Singing karaoke every day after dinner

Doing workouts in the living room because you guys gained weight and he wanted to watch his gorgeous figure

You'd help him write lyrics

You guys would try to be productive and do fun things like read at least once every other day

He'd be so happy to spend time with you like omg

Would literally cry when he looked at you sometimes bc he just loves you that much

Your guy's favorite things to do was lay in bed in each other's arms

"I wish we could stay like this forever, I love you so much y/n"

"I love you too, but can you let me go I have to pee really bad"

Your guy's quarantine would honestly be so fun

Minhyuk :

Would honestly act like he didn't want to spend time with you

"I guess I'm stuck with you"

\(-_-)/

"Your so lucky to have me, huh because I bought food"

Supports every small business and buys from all of them so they'd keep going

"I'll have 3 jars of kimchi, 2 bowls of kimchi jjigae, just give me half of everything"

"Minhyuk where are we gonna put all this the fridge is full"

Gives almost all the food to his family and the members

Buys like 2,264 board games

"Hey, you wanna play Monopoly I'll let you win"

Once again \(-_-)/

Fights about the dumbest thing

"I wanted to buy boardwalk!"

Throws your character off the board

Another person who stocks up, but he bought all the ramen

Your guy's quarantine would be so unproductive honestly

Like you guys just sit around playing board games

Listening to music all day everyday

Going for walks when the sun went down

If he sees an animal on the street he is bringing it home for "safety reasons"

"Look y/n this poor pigeon was left on the street"

Did I mention \(-_-)/

"Minhyuk... It's a pigeon"

Dancing throughout the house

He broke the TV while doing a twirl

Blames it on the pigeon, who you guys have name Piggy

Trying on each others clothes

But at the end of the day he'd be so happy he could spend his quarantine with you and Piggy

"I guess your ok to spend time with..."

Kihyun :

He would be so happy to spend time with you

Would be the most precatious person

"Put on gloves y/n"

"I'm changing the channel..."

Would 10/10 spray down everything before you guys touch it

You guys baked a lot during quarantine

Burning almost everything

Would try to make jokes the whole time

They were not good...

He would try to teach you how to hit the highest notes

Him almost breaking the window

Singing together while reading

Would call every member every day to see how they were doing

You guys would try gardening together because you guys got bored

10/10 the type of dude to telling everyone to buy from small business

If he saw anyone in the street outside the window, he'd yell at them

"Get inside!"

"Do you want to die?!"

You guys would people watch

You guys tried everything possible to pass boredom

Yoga, Singing, Staring Contests

If you got sick would literally call an ambulance

"They want to know if you have a fever, are experiencing lethargy, or have a cough?"

"Kihyun I just have a stomach ache"

Would be so relieved when he just found out it was just gas

He would not let you leave the house

"I really care about you, I cant risk you getting sick"

"You do knows there is a 3% chance of death right"

"But I wouldn't be able to see you"

Wow, whatta man

Hyungwon :

He honestly would be one of those ppl who didn't take it very very serious

"You wanna go to the park?"

"We can barely leave our house to get food?!"

"Ok, loser"

Was happy to spend time with you, but he wanted to actually do things with you like go to dinner

He just wanted to spend quality time with you

You guys would just lay in each other's arms everyday watching TV

Blinds closed letting no light in

The members would call you guys because after 3 days of nothing they were worried

"Oh we're fine, we've just been eating, sleeping and watching TV"

You guys would watch watch every variety show they have been on

You guys would try dying your hair by yourselves

"Wow y/n this blue is really nice"

"Blue it was supposed to be lilac"

How???

Shopping online for everything, food, clothes, furniture

"Y/n we need a new couch I just bought one"

\(-_-)/

You guys got erasable markers and literally drew on the wall

But they did not come off...

He would be kind of sad that he couldn't take you anywhere

But being the cutie he is he'd find ways to do cute date ideas at home

Jooheon :

"Guess what I'm coming home for quarantine!!!!"

Literally couldn't wait to hold you in his arms

Would cry when he came home, because he gets to spend time with you for who knows how long

You guys just hold each other and cry

Would follow you everywhere

If you went to get the mail he'd go with, if you needed to run to the store to get food, he's right by you

"Why is the door locked??? Y/n, you alive? Did corona get you???"

"Don't break the door down! I'm taking a bath"

"Ohhh, let me in!"

This little jerk picked the lock

You guys just sat in the tub for like 3 hours talking about what you should do during quarantine

Things you would do together during quarantine include sitting in the tub for 3 hours everyday

Calling his sister every day so he could talk to his cute niece

He would teach you all his rap parts from every song he could

You guys would send the members a goodie package every week with food and toiletries

Because he worried about them

You guys would take online dance class

Because why not???

Tango, Rumba, Foxtrot, Meringue

He would enjoy every minute with you

You're guys little vacation came to a halt when he fractured his fibula after falling down the stairs

He felt bad that you had to take care of him

But he was so grateful to have you by his side to help him

"Y/n you don't have to get up I can go to the kitchen to get a fork"

Could barely get off the couch

"Just please sit hear"

"So like you wanna bang?"

"No, I want you to get better"

After he got injured he just got so sad that he couldn't do anything with you really anymore

"I love you y/n"

"I love you too"

I.M :

He already was used to seeing you basically everyday

The only difference was you guys got to stay home

You guys didn't even have to change your schedule

He was grateful that he was able to wake up to you every morning tho

"Good morning, cutie"

"Why are you so close??"

Would be so nice the entire quarantine

Need him to wash your hair, just yell for him

Need something off the top shelf

He got it covered

There would be days where you guys just laid in bed the whole day though

You had online school throughout this time

"Y/n hang out with me!¡!¡"

"I'm doing homework for my English class"

"But I'm cuter than English class"

*insert pouty face*

Would try to get in your pants every other hour

You'd let him because ofc

"No, not now Changkyunnie..."

"Yes, now... Pleaseeeeee"

All the members would worry about you because you guys were the youngest and they thought you wouldn't take this seriously

Y'all did though, you only left the house for food

"Y/n am I cute?"

"No, now go to sleep"

"But I love you and I miss you"

"I'm right next to you and it's 3 am"

Bro. Idk why but this drained me I'm gonna write the exo one different bc I literally ran out of ideas of what to do doing quarantine.

#monsta x #monsta x wonho #monsta x shownu #monsta x jooheon #monsta x i.m #monsta x kihyun #monsta x minhyuk #monsta x hyungwon #chae hyungwon #lee jooheon #yoo kihyun #lee minhyuk #lim changkyun #im changkyun #son hyunwoo #shin hoseok #shin wonho #monsta x reaction #kpop reaction

[gay-salt-amber]

River x Tess headcanons

-You know the phrase 'Opposites attract?'

-That's them

Tess is proper and so sweet and intelligent, River on the other hand is nothing like that, she's loud and never thinks before she acts... and stupid

This can be seen a lot in their relationship

Example, whenever they go to gatherings, River throws on a hoodie while Tess wears something you could nearly mistake for a ballgown

But River loves it, Tess is the prettiest woman she's ever seen

They have a lot of pet names for each other

Tess calls River, Bayou which is a Native American term meaning small stream

River uses every single pet name in existence, baby, dear, etc.

She also uses other words for death since Tess's first name is a word for death

River is the only one who has seen Tess without her eyes in for a long period of time

Once, they ran into Boulder on a walk in the forest and Tess had to physically restraint River from giving Scourge more paperwork

At their wedding, they only had about 15 people, aka only a few Bloodclan cats

They have considered a romantic poly relationship with Sandstorm and Tawny pelt before because those 4 are very, very close

The two of them love to dance together, even though Tess

Tess always carries around a parasol which weirded River out a first cause we don't live in 1880 anymore, but now she just finds it cute

it took so, so long to get together, neither of them know why

Tess is a babysitter for everyone and River is tired

Once Tess got River to wear a dress of hers and while it was kind of big it looked so fucking adorable

Random kisses all the time

They're so-so about PDA

Tess gets hit on ALOT because of how proper and pretty she is nobody thinks she will say anything

That's where River comes in a kicks their asses and then takes Tess to get tea or something

Tess hates coffee and loves tea, River is the opposite

Never arguments between them but a lot of Tess having to scold River for attacking a clan cat

So, you know how Tess used to do maid stuff for the Kathrine's?

Well their son had a massive crush on her (the one they didn't kill)

Once, the Kathrine's and some other people entered the forest looking for them, during a gathering Blood Clan attended

Uh, safe to say, once everyone heard about what happened every leader let them break the rule of no violence and River and Tess proceeded to kill or badly wound every single Kathrine and the others there

Theme song: devil town- Cave town

So, you know how I said Tess is proper?

Well, she is, just not in private

She is the biggest savage, flirty person ever its not even funny

Like the moment they enter their house Tess is instantly just calling River baby, babe, using bad pick up lines, making sex jokes at the drop of a hat, the whole nine yards

Which creeped River the fuck out the first time it happened but just finds it hilarious now

Tess overworks herself all the time and it makes River feel so, so bad

This leads to River dragging Tess away from the patrol or whatever and forcing her to sleep

Neither of them can cook so they just order a fuck ton of takeout and eat that until they run out and repeat cycle

Sometimes River forgets Tess is blind without her fake eyes in so Tess needs to wear a blindfold so she doesn't forget

Tess's mental health... is something, sometimes she's a beacon of positivity and other times her mental health is the song Hey little girl by Sophie Marie

But, River tries her best to help her though, they really are made for each other by the end of the day

River has no sense of what's wrong and what's right, she never really knows what can and doesn't make some cry, which is understandable.

She grew up in Blood Clan, in the streets, that's not something that is taught often

Tess tries to teach her though, she's getting better, its also a learning experience for Tess because she learns how to be more selfish and not put everyone before herself until she breaks

The people everyone comes to for advice

They can both play violin

River has told Tess that she doesn't have to be formal around her, she can just be herself. But Tess still has slipped up and called River lady or Madam

River may or may not have been a flustered mess

Tess has worn River's clothes more recently, she really likes them but more then likely wont go out of her way to buy them herself

Tess is the hoodie stealer since she doesn't have any hoodies for River to steal

A lot of people think River is emotionless, whenever Tess hears those comments, it pisses her off so, so bad

So, whenever she hears comments like that, she will just kiss River dead on the lips and say

"Does this dear blushing woman I call my lover look emotionless to you now, dear?" She says this with a pissed look. They run away real quick

So you know the story of Anne Bonny and Mary Reed? How they defended their pirate ship even though the rest of the crew including their captain surrendered?

Yeah, they're like that. Fighting to the nail

Tess would also say Anne Bonny's line of "“I am sorry to see you here, but if you had fought like a man, you needn't be hanged like a dog." when she talked to Boulder once when Bloodclan were going to execute him

River would also say another Anne Bonny quote a lot, "Pains me being this close to you, which should tell you how fuckin desperate I am."

River confessed her love to Tess while she was doing paperwork

It was gay

and cute

Tess said yes of course

Now they're happily married, they want to have kids but with River and Tess's sleep schedule being all out of whack and River not being the best with kids they're not totally sure yet

They have matching tattoos, they both hearts with knives and flowers in them, very intricate little things

River owns a gun store while Tess hand makes outfits for cats if they need them for missions or just to have

They both ride motorcycles together at like 2 AM out of sheer boredom

Blast rock music to help them sleep

So! That's all the stuff I have for today, I will more then likely be writing Night Cloud x Maple Shade ones later so look out for those!

[join-the-club-weve-got-jackets]

3, 23, 25!

Thank you, dear! 💙

3. Rant. Just do it

Oh boy. I hope you know what you're getting yourself into by asking me to rant about something lol. There are so many things I can rant about, and frequently do on here (hence why I have a special 'rant' tag). It took me some time to decide just what I wanted to rant about. I didn't know how political or personal I wanted to get. So I'm gonna go somewhere in the middle and vent some frustrations about work.

I'll preface this by saying I'm very grateful for my job, the people I work with, and the company I work for. But it has been so goddamn frustrating and stressful lately, and for the last year basically. We have way too much fucking work to do within my little sub-department of four. And it just never stops coming. They keep giving us more projects and assigning more things to fall under our responsibilities, but they won't let us hire more people to help nor are we supposed to be using a lot of over time. My supervisor and manager have built a case for us to bring in another person and they've presented it to the higher ups, but it's always turned down for budgetary reasons. So we're just stuck having too many things to do and never enough time. And since I'm in HR compliance, there are a lot of things I deal with that need to be done within a quick/reasonable time frame.

I have so many things that I am so far behind on or can never get to bc there is not enough time in the world for me to get to them. So I've been stuck between a rock and a hard place. I could help them build a really good case for needing more help by showing them just how far behind I am in some areas (we're talking 300+ unanswered voice mails within the last year), but I'd probably be risking my job. I got in trouble for something like this the past week. I hadn't responded right away to someone outside of the company I needed to do an investigation for, so she somehow got our legal/executive people's contact info and reached out to them. Turns out I was a month behind on starting what I needed to, which our legal team was not happy about. When I was asked about it, I had to lie and say it must have gotten buried/lost in my emails (which are a mess btw) bc they were never going to accept the real reason.

The only reason I'm not able to get all my work done is bc I literally do not have enough time. I could work hours upon hours of over time, which I don't want to bc I value my time outside of work too much, and still not get this done. And I hate asking for help so much when I know everyone else is busy with their own shit too. I have gotten a planner that I use on a daily basis to help, but nothing can ever stop all the interruptions or urgent requests that can take over my day. So whenever they ask me why I haven't finished something, if I tell them I didn't have time, I'm told that's not an acceptable reason/excuse anymore. Then it's like, I literally don't know what else to tell you bc there is no other fucking reason I can't get my work done other than not having enough time.

It's all so goddamn frustrating and I'm just stuck in this awful cycle and all it does is remind me of how much I hate our capitalist, money/work-driven society. I just want to have enough money to live comfortably without having to rely on a job just to survive, especially a job where I'm constantly waiting for the end of the day/week so I'm free. But it's not this specific job even that bugs me. I have been looking for jobs in a new city for nearly a year now, and I can barely find anything that I am remotely interested in to even apply. No, I don't want to work in a job with 'a fast-paced, stress-filled' environment', aka almost any job description nowadays. I just want to enjoy my life and not constantly have to be stressed and rushing to get things done by quick deadlines. Having to live my life by a clock/schedule drives me up a wall. I literally hate that so much of our lives is controlled by the construct of time. This is a good segue into the next question, and partially an explanation for my next answer, so I'm just gonna stop here. That felt really good to get off my chest though.

23. If you could break one of your bad habits which would you choose?

That's an easy one. My awful punctuality/inability to be on time for almost anything. I can't even be on time for things I enjoy/want to do. No matter how good my intentions are, I always seem to sabotage myself and end up having to rush and usually still be late.

25. What's something you can't stop buying?

Shirts and shoes. I have way too many as it is, but I'm a sucker for a good sale. And the pandemic has only enabled me to buy more bc of how easy online shopping is and how much money I'm saving in other areas.

#asks #ask game #answered #personal #kylermalloy #sorry this took me so long #i've had a super busy schedule lately #and i knew i was gonna need some time to do the rant question #then i had to decide what to rant about #bc there were just so many choices lol #rant

[pbandjesse]

Sweetp was laying on my face and now my allergies are going wild. I am very annoyed. But there are bigger things to talk about.

Today was a rollar coaster for me. I slept okay at James's since the heat didn't come on at all for once. Comfy sleep. He let me sleep until 9. Which only gave me a little stress but it wasnt because of anything. Just stress. But he made me a waffle. And i got a shower and got dressed. And he walked ne home.

I spent the morning picking outfits. It was beautiful out. But it was chilly in my apartment. But like a comfy chilly. I did my make up real nice. And then the reply email came in.

Im not going to get into a whole lot. But Brian emailed me back. And offered me $13 an hour. But made it seem like i was out of line for expecting that $12 bump 6 months ago when we talked about it. Then told me i should be grateful that i was making more then some od my coworkers. Um excuse me. That is fundamentally the wrong thing to say to me. I care so so so deeply for my coworkers. And then to try tell me that its unprofessional to talk about wages. I was just sitting in my living room sobbing repeating the phrase "but discussing your wage if a basic labor right" just on repeat but like,blubbering. You know.

So for thr nezt hour im sobbing and typing up my letter of reply. Like I had to take a break a few times I was so upset. I was messaging people and getting other information but I had to stop looking at their comments so that I can write with a clear head. And I said everything I needed to say. It was bigger than pay at this point it was everything. Museum is broken. And if nothing else I am grateful for the time I got to spend there. The weird job I got to have. Meeting James and making friends. It was a great time. But it's not going to survive the way it chews people up. It has such a bad reputation and if they can't afford to pay people that can't afford to stay open. Switch to a volunteer system or closed. It's not sustainable. So I guess I'm done. I'm a Speedway toy last two shifts of the schedule but I'm not even sure at this point. We'll see what happens.

I felt very calm that after I sent my email. I manager Brian asked me not to send his email to other people. Do not share it. And I wont. But I will share mine. I disseminated that email 1st to all of the girls in the girl chat and then then to Jordon and then to James. And now about 12 hours later with a clear head I have now posted on to the community board for ships. We're all employees past and present can see what I said. And honestly I hope things change. Because they need to. I need to listen to us they need to tell us what's going on. We cannot be working blindly and then blamed when things go wrong all the time. And I love that job. But it did not love me back.

And so I cleaned up my face. My new primer work very well in my wings were still intact. And after 45 minutes of crying I was very impressed.

I had to work and I had a really good day. It started rough because there was two children fighting in the hallway I had to separate and then the mother got involved and hit her kid in front of me and then I had to go to the principal. It was a whole thing but everything calmed down after that. My kids cutting line right away and we went upstairs and I got to talk to them about why I quit my job. And I know that sounds weird but we sat down and we talked about why I would quit. And I told them that sometimes you have to do things that are hard because of something you believe in. I asked him what it meant to be ethical. I asked them what they thought a bribe was. And we talked about how you can show Justice in your everyday life. One of my favorite quotes is " Justice is what love looks like in public." And I wholeheartedly believe that. And at this moment I knew if I continue to work at this place I could not in good conscience do that job any longer. The museum has failed and I did not want to be there hurting any longer. And the kids were sad because they like that I can blow up a cannon. But I promised them that we can watch the video on my phone anytime.

The kids got to work on their stop motions today. Mostly they worked with clay and started setting up the stop motions. But it was good. They were really cool and they seem to have a really good time. We watch some videos about how clay mation works and I just had a really good time with them.

And the day ended smoothly. They did a really good job. They got to take their post test today to and they all did Super well. There was only like one or two questions that seem to mess everybody up. But I was proud of them. And then it was time to go home.

I got the 545 bus which is my favorite one. I met James at streets where we got soda. And then we went to taste of Nepal to get dinner. He had ordered online so we just waited in the restaurant to pick it up and it was really cool in there. We talked about everything that happened and what I was going to do moving forward. I sent an email to the BMI and told them that I could to get more hours there. I really need 15 hours or so a week to get to the full 40 so I gave them pretty open availability on the weekends and I gave them my mornings again once my bike is fixed. And everything's going to be okay.

We came back to my place and we had dinner. And he hung out for a little bit and walk to the CVS with me on his way home. I picked up a couple things I needed. Just milk and yogurt in the chocolate bar. And then I came home and I've just been enjoying my night. Sweet peas been running outside and running inside. I've been watching videos. I take a bath. My stomach started hurting really bad. I don't know what's up. But it's fine. I'm always in some kind of pain so who knows. James thought that I was saying I thought I was pregnant. Which is hilarious. But I have an IUD and it's probably not true. I do say probably but unlikely is more the case. I can already hear the text messages from my family tomorrow after reading that sentence.

Hoping to do laundry in the morning and vacuum. James is going to come by at lunch time to drop something off before I go to work. And the kids are just going to keep sculpting. Going to be a good time because I don't have to have as many jobs anymore. Good night everyone.

#ootd #work #babe #selfie #art #furby #monday #sky #trees #spring

[mastrrt]

The Tigress Dilemma *fanfiction*

Usually, fanfic writers (such as I) have a hard time depicting complex characters such as Tigress, ergo this lack of this understanding about our characters can lead us to defile their original personalities and characteristics. I'm pretty sure most, if not, all of us are victims to the Tigress Dilemma, and this problem can only be resolved once Dreamworks has finished Tigress's arc. The Tigress Dilemma is basically what I mentioned above. We misinterpret Tigress and that could lead us to writing imposters instead. Now I have seen many fanfics, and all of them vary in the extent of how terrible their Tigress imposter is. I would say that for my fanfics, my Tigress imposter is pretty far off from the original character, but I feel I am getting there... it's a very slow progress, but every increment of time is making me better as a writer. Anywho, I'll be addressing some Tigress Imposter stereotypes. These stereotypes are the ones we want to avoid as much as possible. And if we do so, we can get closer to the original Tigress. Now, disclaimer, I am not here to tarnish the pride of any of you fanfic writers. I'm just here to point out my opinions and hopefully my opinions can do more good than harm. Also, to bring this blog a more positive vibe, I will be writing some Tigress stereotypes that we should all follow. But that'll be on the next post. 1. The 'Punk Girl School Bully' Type of Tigress. (LoA Tigress) Sleeves are for wimps... fat muscles... I got huge front teeth... i'll put your head on the toilet... pig anatomy on the facial region... you punk!... ILLL BEAT YOUUU UP!... girl that looks like a man... Those lines are all inside the ambit of any typical Buff School Girl Bully. And yeah, these types of people aren't the most likeable. Mainly because of their terrible ego and pride, their unmanaged temper, their constant screaming, and the fact that they bully. And these types of characters usually act upon their anger, and these types of characters are usually defeated by their own caprices. Now a lot of times, people usually confuse 'Punk Girl School Bully' as Tigress's characteristics.

For example, a lot of fanfictions tend to write this: Tigress was clouded with anger. How dare this cocky prick make fun of her name like that? She charged at him, trying to land a double fist strike on her belly, but it has seemed that her muscles were so angry that she suddenly turned into an amateur fighter and totally missed the cocky mite's stomache. Now she was even angrier. She gave a frustrated yell and pounced at the prick, driving her feet into a powerful tornado kick, but the man has sidestepped and she was too angry to use that momentum to execute another kick upon landing. Oh she was so so SO angry that everything turned red. Even though the man was merely a stranger, his smart remarks was enough to somehow make Tigress want to tamper him, as if her anger was derived from personal matter. Oh yes, Tigress was so weak that her peace has succumbed so easily to something as superficial as an empty insult. It isn't like she's a warrior who learned integrity, who lived by virtues and proverbs, and learned to swallow her pride the hard way. Nope. She was just the average hot head. "You! You idiot!" She yelled, driving her fist into arbitrary turns and twist with the speed of a toddler's fist in a fit of frenzy. And yet, after delivering such 'efficient' attacks, the man had avoided her punches the Muhammad Ali way. What's next? The rope-a-dope? Is that how weak Tigress became because of her anger? Oh, and since she's sooo angry, she also became majorly stupid! Since she's losing, she might as well become more desperate to win and because of this, she kinda lost 9/10 of her damn brain. It isn't like she had experienced worst before. It isn't like she's been in a tower surrounded by hundreds of adversaries, outmatched, outgunned, out everything, and still managed to escape through a genius idea to catapult her and her Enterprise out the flaming tower THROUGH the toppling flaming tower.

Look, Tigress can be hot head, but she doesn't allow it to manifest in a way that hampers her during battle. She's a warrior who for sure learned patience. Yes, she might have let herself succumb to her anger during the first movie (by trying to fight Tai Lung despite her master's efforts to stop her) but do understand that it was because of that cursed snow leopard that her father was just outright terrible to her, and 20 years of desperation and overwhelming commitment to kung fu led her to think that defeating Tai Lung is the key to Shifu's heart. Watch the Second movie through and through, with the eyes of a scrutenizing critic. If she is angry, it is usually to appear intimidating or lethal. It's a great strategy, escpecially now that her opponents would surely hold back once they hear the low baritone of her growl. But never, never, never, never, I assure you, did she appear angry and let that rage make her a haphazard, stupid, mess.

Also, fanfic writers tend to also write this: Tigress crossed her arms and growled. Po was so annoying! He wouldn't stop babbling about his new dumpling recipe. If he says 'broccoli broth' one more time, she is sure her dormant side would burst. "SHUT UP PO! YOU ARE AN IDIOT! YOU ARE SO CHILDISH! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE THE DRAGON WARRIOR!" And then, Po cried and ran away from the kitchen. The rest of the five gave her a look that could compare to the menacing glare of a thousand men, and they all left her to find the weeping Po. She sneered, she didn't need them anyways. She didn't have a family. And they were no friends of hers.

Tigress is not like this! She values her friends, and she talks to them like friends. Do no potray her the LoA way, because she's not always grumpy... and she is, by chance, grumpy, it's mostly for a reason. When the other five are irritated or even disgusted of Po, you can see that only Tigress smiles. And when she is in an argument, she usually deliver herself in a calm and threatening. Yeah, calm and threatening can be together. Tigress works as a paradox. I think the problem here is that people mistake seriousness and grumpiness as neigh synonyms. DON'T mistake those two different words with the same definition. Tigress is serious, but rarely grumpy in the way LoA/ fancfictions potrays her (just compare KFP 2 Tigress to LoA Tigress (there's a big difference I tell you that (mostly because she doesn't haphazardly turn into a big bish (is this even grammatically correct?))))

2. The Morally Deficient Tigress. I hate you!... you've always been terrible to me Shifu. So I hate you too!... you guys are not my family!... i have no family!... brat times twenty... your spoon is stupid... everyone is stupid... I don't wanna do this anymore... i'll turn evil in six seconds if you don't assuage my ego... cold hearted... insults everywhere... long sullen silences followed by mean comments followed by even more long sullen silences... angst angst angst for no reason... teenage i-have-20-pounds-of-eyeliner-under-my-eyes prototype. this type of imposter Tigress is probably one of the worst forms of Tigress out there. You cannot just ignore that she has been raised by two kung fu masters, one has morals that are so polished and perfect, and the other one with flaws but regardless still wiser than most. She's also follows a regimented schedule of supreme discipline throughout the course of her twenty-eight years, so surely she has been taught hardwork, patience, determination and other virtues that any average olympian athletes would typically have. Despite being called cold-hearted, stoic, perhaps even mean, do remember that she is also a HERO. With a hero's heart and the strength of a hero's mind. You can not simply ignore that she's a good person who had saved, quite possibly, thousands of lives, expecting nothing in return except the heart of her father and a place to reside. Do not mistake badassery with idiocy. Do not make her morally deficient like she's a little child with the mindset of a brat on a bad day.

Here's some examples of this nightmare: "Why do you keep these stuff? You're so childish, you don't deserve to be the Dragon Warrior!" Tigress looked around his loft, threatened by the action figures and the posters of the masters that adorned it.

Po frowned, "But... but... items like these have very big value to me Tigress. Especially my action figures, I cherish them because it's a large fragment of my childhood memories!"

Tigress did not understand. Of course she did not, not only is she whimsy, grumpy, angry and stupid, she also lacks understanding and lessons that can usually be self-taught at the age of twenty. She acts like a little child and that's all her morality is limited to. "No! They're wooden things with no value whatsoever. Stop being a fanboy. Stop being yourself! I can't support you! You idiot."

And she left the room with grandeur ---Sharpei Style with the hint of swagger. Five days later... "It's all your fault why we're here Po! All your fault. It isn't like you made a wonderful plan and I kinda destroyed it after this cocky douche made me angry and I decided to fight him and ditch your plan. And since my dignity got the best of me, it isn't like I'm blaming you 100% on our unfortunate demise when I know 200% that i'm to blame." Po tried to speak, but Tigress continued, "Ya'll should have listened to me! Me me me me! Me me me me!" The end!

Okay okay, it's a little too exaggerated, but you get the point right? Tigress doesn't act like this. She is kind and nice, she's truly supportive even with her doubts, and she loves and values her friends, albeit these traits are not exposed because it's overshadowed by her stoic demeanor. Whatever... sometimes light filters through her facade and you can see her vulnerabilities.

3. The Profesional Becomes the Biggest Amateur. Gets defeated by a few alligators who could barely fight... can't get unstuck from a rope THAT ISNT EVEN KNOTTED NOR THICK ENOUGH TO CARRY TWO POUNDS... can't get out a sticky situation even though she has been through worse... pathetic tiger... no longer has super strength that she has been gifted with. Now I'm just a thread's breadth away before typing a full fledge rant. Yes! I get it. She has been defeated by people who Po can defeat. She has been defeated by Tai lung and Po was able to defeat Tai Lung. But that was because Po was in a special situation, and it was truly only Po who could defeat Tai Lung (I'll adress this in a new post.) Have ya'll ever of this rule, in both film making and book writing, that authors must refrain from degrading everyone's intelligence so that a single character can appear in the caliber of a genius? Basically, what I'm saying is that you cannot make the five (escape Tigress) leagues weaker than their original selves just for the sake of making Po or your main OCs appear stronger. One, that's a terrible illusion that even a blind man can see through. And two, that's just disrespectful for a The Five. Not only are the five overshadowed, but ya'll also heavily disregarded the fact that they are warriors that did a lot. You're forgetting that Tigress can do this

Do not forget that she is the person who can do so much more. If you want a story where Tigress becomes a damsel in distress, and Po is the one to save her, DO NOT get her kidnapped by five wolves. Or ten. Or even twenty. Because this tiger can handle of them easy. Make sure she is defeated by a whole fudging army, or a bunch of hooded warriors who are thousands of years old and are as good as Shifu in kung fu. Make sure her defeat is reasonable and respects what she can do. KNOW what she can do, so that you learn her limits. Give her a challenge, give her a run for her money. Don't make her pathetic just because you want someone else to seem not pathetic. Us fan fic writers say that Tigress is hardcore. Awesome. Badarse. So maybe we should write her that way. Some fan fics I read write that Tigress got defeated because she was hungry or tired and couldn't fight against a few adversaries. I roll me eyes. Bro! You cannot make hunger the reason why she's defeated😂 have you seen what she ate during the first KFP movie? Her meals consists of tea and a small, chewy block of tofu. Please. She had trained her body and mind to resist pain in a way that wouldn't affect her during battle. And don't go destroying her stamina either. If she can go the whole night just battling a bunch of wolves, without even so much as passing out then pulease, don't make tiredness as an excuse. But there are some exceptions though. Like maybe she got tired because she drained her chi. Then that's understandable. So much work.