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terabyteturtle · 9 days

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So, considering it says "gate: open" i assume requests are open? If so could I please get a Nina Williams SFW alphabet? im sure youre already swamped so if you dont want to then please just discard this, and I hope you have a good day:)

💜 Nina Williams SFW Alphabet 💜

Yes indeed, anon! Anytime the garden gate is open, that means you can put in requests. Hope you enjoy!

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Nina isn’t really that affectionate, especially not in the beginning. For the majority of her life, she’s had to keep people at an arm’s length, with her loyalty being bought and sold with every job she’s taken. You’re probably one of, if not the first, person to ever manage to get this close to her, both physically and emotionally. At the start of your relationship, she’s incredibly reserved when it comes to affection. For a while, Nina won’t go beyond giving you a quick peck here and there. If you want anything more, like a hug for example, she’ll either awkwardly give it to you or just straight up deny you. It takes her a while to adjust, and even when she does, there are still a lot of steps that you have to take before you can properly establish a comfortable routine of affection. The problem with Nina is that she doesn’t think to do it unless prompted to, which might stem from operating behind others’ shadows for a living. As the relationship goes on, though, she’ll start getting better at it. Just don’t expect PDA. Ever.

B = Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

It would certainly take a lot to start a friendship with Nina, but once it starts going, she’s the cool, badass friend that doesn’t care about what anybody thinks. Once you get to know her, she’s the perfect partner-in-crime and will have your back no matter what. If you ask her about her opinion on something, she will give you an honest answer. Nina doesn’t care about how blunt or brutal she sounds—she refuses to spare anyone’s feelings. Truth hurts sometimes; that’s just how life works. Nina’s also an amazing listener and will help you through whatever issues you might be going through, giving you sage advice with that velvet voice of hers. The friendship would probably start out with you serving her coffee at Smith Coffee. Nina enjoys going there when she has some time to herself, and she finds the atmosphere there nice and calming. She’s become a regular customer there, and you already know what she’s going to get each time she comes in. Despite normally being a cold-blooded assassin, she warms up to you quite a bit and talks to you whenever she sees you.

C = Comfort (How do they comfort you? Are they good at it or are they kinda awkward? How do they like to be comforted?)

Nina is a firm believer that actions speak louder than words. If you need comfort, she’ll sit by your side, place a hand on your shoulder, and place a kiss on your temple, silently letting you know that she’s there if you need her. If you’d like to talk about it, she’ll listen carefully, following every word and responding if necessary. As someone who’s seen and been through a lot in her life, Nina is very wise and gives amazing advice. If she has some to give you, it’d be in your best interest to hear her out. Even if you think you don’t need it, it might come in handy later on. If you’d rather not speak about it, she’ll kiss your temple and remind you that she’s there if you change your mind. For someone so generally cold-hearted, she’s actually great at comforting you. She always knows the right thing to say, and her presence is surprisingly soothing. She herself doesn’t need comforting. Or that’s what she says, at least. It’s extremely difficult to tell when Nina’s upset, as she always has a stoic expression on her face. If you ever believe that she’s distressed, the best thing to do is show her you care in the best way you know how.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Before she met you, Nina hadn’t given settling down a single thought. She’d focused solely on her work, and when she had time off, she only intended on relaxing. She’d never thought she’d fall in love with anybody, let alone settle down with them. But after Nina met you, that all changed. She was reluctant to accept it in the beginning, but now that you’ve been together for a while, she realizes that she’s completely enamored of you and that she’s willing to put everything else aside to be with you. Nina’s skilled at both cooking and cleaning, as she’s had to take care of herself for a long time. When she was younger, she had to pick up a lot of household duties alongside her sister. However, she’s not going to do any of it alone. Nina will make sure you hold up your end of the load, just as she’ll hold up hers.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with you, how would they do it?)

Like with most things, she’ll be blunt about it. Nina will keep a straight face and act as though it doesn’t affect her, but you’ll notice small things that tell you otherwise, like the way she’s hiding her eyes with her sunglasses or the way she clenches her fists by her sides when your heart breaks in front of her. Having made it this far with you, Nina doesn’t see herself ever needing to put an end to things. Unless you betray her trust, she intends to stay by your side.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Until she met you, commitment was never something she thought about. Hell, her whole life pretty much centered around having no true commitment at all. But there’s a first time for everything, and for the first time in forever, Nina feels genuine loyalty for someone, and that someone is you. She would wait for a long time to get married. First, Nina has to get comfortable in the relationship before she gives marriage a single thought. It's a big step, and she won’t be ready to take it for a while. She wants to know that you're in it for the long run and that this isn't just some casual fling for you. In exchange for her loyalty, Nina wants to have yours. Even when she is ready for commitment, there's still matters of her job that have to be worked out. It's going to take a long time, but it gives you a chance to prove that you truly love her.

G = Gentle (How tender are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Initially, Nina will be very rigid with you, both physically and emotionally. Any sort of affection will feel awkward, especially since you have to ask her for it most of the time, and her icy demeanor won't be easy to melt. Over time, though, she’ll soften up. Physically, as she grows used to affection, Nina will be gentler. Emotionally, she’ll be tender when it comes to your emotions, but will remain closed up when it comes to hers. It can be somewhat frustrating, but with enough patience, Nina will eventually realize that she can take her walls down around you.

H = Hugs n' Cuddles (Do they like hugs/cuddles? What are they like? How often do they happen?)

Nina doesn’t like them at all, at least not initially. In fact, she practically despises them at the start of your relationship. For a while, all hugs and cuddles will be tense, awkward, and somewhat forced, as you would have to ask if you ever wanted some from her. Sometimes, she’ll just outright reject you, and other times, she’ll at least try to be normal about it. As time goes on, however, Nina will finally relax, and affectionate actions will come more naturally to her. When it comes to hugs, she has a penchant for wrapping her arms around your waist and resting her chin on your shoulder. When it comes to cuddles, she likes having an arm around your shoulders, pulling you close to her side. Nina won’t admit it, but she has a protective instinct when it comes to you, and the way she cuddles you is subtle proof of that. She’s always cool to the touch for some reason, so if you’re feeling a little too warm, just rest your cheek on her shoulder and you’ll be all set. At the start, hugs and cuddles hardly ever happen unless you explicitly ask for them, but once Nina gets comfortable, they become more frequent.

I = I Love You (How quickly do they tell you they love you?)

Nina doesn’t vocalize her feelings very often, and even when she does, she usually doesn’t convey emotion through her words. Essentially, it will take forever for her to tell you she loves you. Even if you say it first, she won’t say it back to you. She’ll either nod or reply with a snarky comment like “A horrible decision, really.” Don’t be deceived, though—despite how she acts, Nina has a heart; it’s just shielded under many layers of ice that need a whole lot of warmth to melt. With time, that cold exterior will thaw to reveal a side of her that’s capable of feeling things, regardless of whether or not she might want to. When she finally tells you she loves you, it sounds so flat and terse that it almost doesn’t sound like she means it. But she does, and the fact that she’s saying those three words alone means that she’s genuinely trying to be more open to you.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they're jealous?)

You wouldn’t be able to tell, but Nina can get pretty jealous. She’s hot and she knows it, but she worries that someone more “passionate” might come along and make you theirs instead. Nina does NOT want to risk this happening, so anybody who tries to talk to you will instantly earn a look of disapproval from her. If they’re someone you’re cool with, then she’ll tone it down a bit, but she’ll continue to stay on guard as she does not trust anyone aside from you. If the other person is openly flirting with you, then she’ll shoot them down immediately, saying you two have more important things to deal with. Nina won’t wait for any sort of bold move or sign of discomfort from you; she’ll handle the situation before it can even start. Anyone reckless enough to try harassing you at any point will regret it instantly. Her deadly assassination arts, combined with piercing insults, will have the other person apologizing to you in seconds.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Nina’s kisses, for the most part, are short and simple. Quick pecks are her go-to because she finds them convenient. They’re subtle gestures that save time and energy, and they’re perfect for when she has to go do something important (which, considering her job, is almost all the time). However, there are times where Nina likes settling down and diving a little deeper with her kisses, making them slower and more involved than a simple peck would be. This would occur later on in the relationship, typically after a long, tough day. She usually likes to kiss you on the cheek, as she finds it’s the most accessible place for her. Meanwhile, as much as she hates to admit it, Nina indulges in lip kisses. Despite her attitude and tendency to be unapproachable, deep down she wants to be loved. She might tense up a bit and act threatened at first, but that’s only because she’s not used to it. Nina truly appreciates the love you give her every day, and lip kisses are a special reminder to her that you’re on her side.

L = Little Ones (How are they around children and what are their thoughts on them?)

Nina tries not to interact with children very much. She finds them obnoxious, irritating, and difficult to deal with. If she finds herself around one, she won’t be blatantly rude, but she won’t take on a sort of caring, motherly role toward them. Nina will try her best to ignore them, and if that doesn’t work, she’ll just give them terse replies until they get bored with her. Over the years, she’s found that if you just sit there and do nothing, kids will quickly lose interest. She’s great at doing this, and she’d rather not waste her time and energy interacting with someone that she doesn’t care about. This is why Nina refuses to have kids of her own. Even if it’s something you want, she won’t go through with it. She just knows that she wouldn’t be a good mother. She doesn’t care much for her own son, whom she had without knowledge or consent, and the way she grew up doesn’t really give her much of a basis to go off of. If Nina were to have a kid, one that she actually planned for, she would have no idea what to do. Her whole life experience has left a bad impression on her when it comes to having children, so unless you can somehow convince her, she’s going to be dead set against it.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings are usually pretty chill, as Nina’s more of a night owl than an early bird. She won’t say much—she’ll just drink her coffee or some tea with milk and sit there quietly. She might look out a window, or read the newspaper, or listen to whatever you might have to say. For breakfast, she’ll usually opt for something quick and easy, as she usually has to get ready for work and head out the door as soon as possible. If she has time, Nina will be happy to make you something as well. If you’re still asleep while she’s awake, she’ll silently get ready and leave you a note before she leaves. On days Nina doesn’t have work, she’ll sleep in with you, and you’ll often go out for breakfast together. Smith Coffee is her favorite place to go, as she really enjoys the food and atmosphere, but she’ll be open to try anywhere new if you have any suggestions.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Nights with Nina are just as quiet, if not more so than mornings. After everything she has to go through on a daily basis, she barely has the energy to do much other than relax. She might talk a little bit if you ask her about her day, but everything she says will be short and to the point. On most nights, you won’t get any long-winded sentences out of her. Nina enjoys pouring herself a cup of scotch, putting on some TV (preferably Tom and Jerry), and hanging out on the couch until one of you falls asleep. The night typically ends with one of you falling asleep and the other having to wake you up when it’s time for bed, but there have been times where both of you will fall asleep and just spend the whole night in the living room.

O = Open (At what point would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or take their time with it?)

Between her reserved personality and the hidden trust issues that have developed over the years, Nina will take forever to open up to you. It might seem like an impossible task, especially during the early stages of the relationship, but with enough patience and time, you can get her to open up. The fact that she’s even in a relationship with you is evidence enough that she values you more than the average person, so that alone shows that earning her trust is achievable. During the first few months, you’ll learn more about her basic likes and dislikes. Nina might mention her sister in passing, but she won’t really get into detail about her until way later. As months turn into years, she’ll gradually reveal more and more about herself. You’ll learn about her various jobs, her rivalry with Anna, and her atypical childhood. If it’s late, and if she’s had a little too much scotch, Nina might become more vocal about more sensitive parts of her life. She hides a lot of regret beneath that cold-blooded exterior, and with time, you’ll become the first person she’s ever spoken to about any of it.

P = Patience (How patient are they?)

Nina is usually very impatient with people. She can’t stand it when people aren’t direct with their answers, and incompetency of any sort just gets on her nerves. It annoys her even more if it interferes with her work. If her patience wears thin, she’ll let it show through her voice, giving terse remarks and replies that are even more cutthroat than usual. When it comes to you, she’s not much better, but she tries her best. If you make a mistake that Nina finds idiotic, she won’t hesitate to let you know. At the start of the relationship, she’ll borderline antagonize you for doing something stupid, but as it continues on, she’ll start to learn that being brutally honest isn’t always the best way to go.

Q = Quizzes (How much do they remember about you? Do they remember every detail or kinda forget everything?)

Nina has to remember a lot, considering her job, but initially, she’ll become so consumed by work that she won’t remember much about you. Later on, however, Nina will start devoting more time to you and learning more about your likes, dislikes, interests, hobbies, and other things. She’ll find that she enjoys hearing you speak about distant happy memories or something you’re enthused about. At random points throughout the day, Nina will find herself looking back on various things you’ve said with a smile on her face. In short, nothing will come easy to her initially, but that’s only because of her devotion to work. Once the relationship progresses, she’ll have every little detail memorized and repeated in her head daily.

R = Remember (What is one of the most important moments of your relationship?)

The most important moment of your relationship was probably when you opened up to her about something really personal. It was a sad and sorrowful moment for you, and you greatly needed someone to share it with. Seeing as you cared for Nina so much, and that she was a great listener, you figured you could talk to her about it. You waited for her to come home and settle down before getting into it. Once you started speaking, you couldn’t stop. Unfortunately, you couldn’t stop the tears from falling either. As you continued to talk, your voice choked up and your eyes stung as they began to well up with emotional tears. Nina watched you as you cried, every heavy sob and light sniffle weighing down on her heart. This moment made her realize that she cared about you far more than she previously had thought. It unlocked something inside of her that just wanted to hold you and make all of the pain disappear. Silently, she wrapped her arms around you and ran her delicate fingers through your hair, showing you a new, caring side of her that only you were allowed to see.

S = Security (How protective are they and how would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Once you’ve completely gained her trust, she becomes extremely protective over you. Nina doesn’t trust anyone aside from you, which makes everyone else a thorn in her side. She’ll want to meet everyone you’re close to and evaluate for herself whether or not they’re safe to be around. There are times where she might be a little quick to judge, or just overboard with her judgment in general, so you’ll probably have to act as a voice of reason when it comes to someone she might not like. To protect you, Nina will use everything she has in her arsenal. Insults, assassination arts, guns—hell, she won’t hesitate to bring out an army of Jack-8s if she has to. You know that saying every rose has its thorns? Well, you’re the rose and she’s the thorns. When it comes to protecting her, she’d like to be protected the same way. Nina will never admit it, but defending her from anyone hostile and untrustworthy will earn you boundless admiration and respect, which is saying a lot when it comes to someone like her.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, etc?)

Honestly, Nina doesn’t even have to try when it comes to this stuff. Once she gets into the swing of things, knowing what to get and where to go for special occasions comes so naturally to her. Dates are always fabulous, anniversaries are always amazing, and gifts are always generous. She gets enjoyment from seeing your eyes light up whenever she brings something home for you, and you can tell by the little smirk that appears on her face that she takes pride in doing stuff for you. For dates, she’ll stick to the places that mean the most to you, as she knows that you’re always happy there. When your anniversary comes around, expect to be taken on a vacation—Nina needs it just as much as you do. If she has to be away for work, she’ll always bring you a cool souvenir that she knows you’ll like. Rest assured, Nina will take you to your favorite places, bring you to your dream destinations, and buy you whatever your heart desires, all without breaking a sweat.

U = Ugly (What are some bad habits of theirs?)

Nina has a bad habit of closing herself off, which isn’t surprising considering that’s what she’d been used to doing for pretty much her whole life. She can also come off quite bitter and prickly at times, which can become frustrating to deal with or can hurt your feelings if she’s not careful. Whoever said words can act as weapons is certainly right—Nina’s sharp tongue often leaves deep wounds.

V = Values (What do they value in a partner?)

Nina values someone she can be honest with, as not many can handle what she has to say. Oftentimes, it’s not what she’s saying, it’s how she’s saying it, so she needs someone that can handle her terse, dry manner without taking too much offense. Additionally, Nina values loyalty. As someone who hasn’t seen a lot of it over the years, such a quality is rare to find in her eyes. Someone who will remain by her side, through thick and thin, is something she deeply craves and will hold onto like a priceless artifact.

W = Wedding (How are they on the big day? How do they help plan it out? Are they emotional or stoic?)

Nina’s shocked, to say the least. She never thought this day would ever come. Hell, she didn’t think marriage in general would ever be in her future, yet here she is, dolling herself up for the big ceremony. She’ll help you with anything you might need, but she doesn’t want to interfere too much with aesthetics. Nina wants you to pick out whatever you want for the wedding day. She doesn’t care what theme it is, where it’s located, or what’s being served as long as it’s something you want. Throughout the ceremony, Nina’s composed as usual, but the smile on her face tells you everything you need to know about her feelings for you.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them)

If she thinks she’s alone, Nina will hum to herself. Her voice is beautiful and melodic, so it serves as a shock to you whenever she refuses to hum a tune for you. Whenever you bring it up, she denies ever having done such a thing.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they can't stand, both in a partner and in general?)

There are a lot of things that annoy Nina, but one of the biggest things is sheer idiocy. She can’t comprehend how anybody could be so stupid, and it annoys her even more if they have a big ego and think they’re super intelligent.

Z = Zzz (What are some sleep habits of theirs?)

Nina’s a very light sleeper who will wake up at the drop of a hat, so to help keep herself relaxed, she always has a drink of tea before bed. For the most part, she doesn’t cause any disturbances. She’s pretty quiet and doesn’t move very much. While asleep, she’ll remain on her back with her hands placed on her stomach. Initially, she’ll refuse to sleep in the same room as you, but as the relationship progresses, Nina will become more comfortable with sharing a bed. For some reason, Nina’s always cool to the touch, so if you ever find yourself getting hot during the night, just lay your cheek on her shoulder and you’ll be good to go.

#tekken #tekken x reader #nina #nina x reader #nina williams #nina williams x reader #sfw alphabet

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pumpkinsy0 · 8 months

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idk how to describe this post, but just describing characters psyche lol

darry,dally, and tim- they have little to no genuine support system and have to harbor everything they go through pretty much alone and bottle shit up cause growing up quickly sucks

tim- his parents werent rlly parents, so he had to emotionally mature fast and understand what they did wrong in life and in having kids so that he could better take care of angela and curly, he learns quickly that looking out for ur own blood can save ur skin more than yknow it, his parents arent around rlly anymore and he doesnt exactly know where they run off to even if they come back home for a few days but he knows theyll never learn that

angela- she canonically had a break down about her life being actual dogshit and bryon says that in the morning she’ll go back to her own stone cold strong self cause thats just the way she is, that's just the way she's learned to go through life

literally every singular one of the characters LMAOOO- its self explanatory HOWEVER i will highlight darry here

curly- faces a shit ton of oppression (even if u dont agree w him being queer hes still black to me but if u dont see him as black hes still a poc and a greaser) so hes just learned to do whatever he wants bc no matter what he does hes always gonna b judged so y not live life to the fullest and in a way that makes him happy, he’ll still be shunned, but at least he’ll be happy

tim- i cant properly find the words to explain it, but someone needs to check up on this nigga fr, a good portion of the neighborhood is religious, especially the older ppl yet they always judge him for one thing and another, nobody is rlly genuinely hoping (or in this case praying) he gets better

curly- shameless reminder that i ship purly, so I thought about curly saying this to pony for a sec cause i think cures that type guy to just explore the world any way he wants and he'll do anything to get someone to join him in on it

this is also for very obvious reason two bit, soda and if u squint, steve

darry- he cares for pony sm it comes off to pony that he doesnt care at all, pony needs his space to breathe and darry doesnt wanna let em go

the shepards but most particularly angela- for some reason she held her parents in a high light cause unlike some kids in the neighborhood they had them both, curly and tim knew this wasn't rlly the case very quickly and as angela grew up, bit by bit she knew what they meant and would lay or even cry in bed over it

TAKE AWAY THAT THESE R COUSINS PLS ONLY PAY ATTENTION TO THE WORDS THATS WHAT IM TRYNNA HIGHLIGHT HERE IM BEGGING U

purly- either way u chose who's who the other has always felt like they weighted other ppl down (for ponys case) or like theyre just to far gone to be helped (for curlys case), they still love each others company because they see the other as being worth it/deserving of it

however if u dont ship purly or can't get over em being cousins this is literally darry and pony or johnny and pony for like the same exact reason

#curly shepard #ponyboy curtis #purly #tim shepard #angela shepard #darry curtis #sodapop curtis #dallas winston #darrel curtis #two bit mathews #johnny cade #steve randle #the outsiders fandom #the outsiders hcs #the outsiders headcanons #the outsiders 1983

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babi-and-bubby-nursery · 4 months

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❄️⸝⸝ Welcome to Babi and bubby nursery!! ⸝⸝ 🌨️

☃️⸝⸝︰{About us!} ・ ⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂☆

Babi's Name, age, pronouns┊・𓂃 Hi! im Finnegan, but prefer to go by Finn. Im 20 (21 on Jan 18th) and my pronouns are They/Them! Babi's timezone┊・𓂃 CST! (or central standard time) Bubby's Name, age, pronouns┊・𓂃 Hi im FD, im 21 and my pronouns are He/Him Bubby's timezone┊・𓂃 MST (or mountain standard time) Boundaries┊・𓂃 Please don't ask either of us to be your Little/cg, we are engaged and are not looking for romantic or platonic littles/cgs. Dms are open for anyone +16 or -26 (i had a bad past with older individuals on tumblr). Listen when we say "No!". If you would like to be moots/friends, please at least interact with our posts, its incredibly uncomfortable to have random txts from people asking to be friends that just followed 3 minutes before.

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🚂⸝⸝︰{Regression info} ・ ⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂☆

About Babi┊・𓂃 I am a flip leaning regressor, and regress to about age 0-4. I am a sleepy, but bubby when regressed! Sometimes i go nonverbal, but i use a pacifier almost all the time. There is a ton of trauma surrounding my regression and it was very hard to regress. Now, with the help of bubby there is hope! I can only regress for small periods of time, and it needs to be assisted but its a great start and i hope that when we live together it'll boost my regression more! About Bubby┊・𓂃 I am Finns CG, and I love my babi bear! I do everything I can to make sure they feel safe and comfy here when regressing, as well as when they aren't Views on sitters┊・𓂃 We do not see sitters as something either of us would want to be apart of unless it was us sitting for/being sat by someone we know very well. My current sitter is @sleeplessjunkie Who generally just regresses with me when bubby is gone while we play games !!!! We will either talk a lot or not at all, and thats ok bc talk is hard! (we're also both autistic)

Likes/Dislikes, DNI and schedule under the cut! Please read ⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

🦌⸝⸝︰{Our DNI's} ・ ⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂☆

What is a DNI? These are "Do not interact" boundaries, this means that if your blog meets any of these criteria you may be blocked\banned\removed from a persons socials. Below are my DNI's so make sure to read them!

・Are anti-agere/agedre(or petre/petdre), an NSFW blog/"SFW" kink blogs like Dd!g/abd!/md!b and other variants. Are an 18+ only blog, Terf, etc. Anything that you would not show a child does not belong here ・Bigoted individuals or peoples that believe in Anti-LGBTQIA+, Pro-ana, Pro-SH, Anti-recovery, MIKs or MAPs, Extreme left/right views, Pro-life, Pro-war, transmed, Pro-mia, Anti-Neos/Xenos. ・Over the age of 27. While you could be a regression blog, and completely SFW, individuals over the age of 27 can become a trigger due to my PTSD. Minors are always welcome, although we will most likely not follow back ・Are a blank blog. This means no banner, profile pictures, posts or names. Blogs like those tend to become a problem and we dont wish to deal with it

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Babi likes┊・𓂃 Bubby, jay, baking and cooking, playing games, reading (by myself and with bubby) making decor stuff and making custom things! Blues clues !!! if you see a blues clues ask from an anon, its probably me. Babi dislikes┊・𓂃 Bugs, bugsbugsbugs. Being confronted(confrontation), purposely being misgendered, having my boundaries disrespected, bubby or jay being purposely misgendered, uh-…. i think thats it lol Bubby likes┊・𓂃 BABI BEAR, our friends, gaming, cars, anything that has moving parts, reading and watching crime stuff, watching movies and playing games with babi and our friends, and really love the flash as well! Bubby dislikes┊・𓂃 I dont like icky people coming to talk to babi and i (i dont really like talking to people in general), People misgendering babi or my friends or being rude towards them, and i dont like when people disrespect my boundaries I also dont like the idea of sitters because so many people in the community that we have encountered have bad intentions, but there's nothing else i can think of rn

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✩⸜⸜ Mood/Stimboards ✩⸜⸜ Text post (tips, links, etc) hosted by babi or bubby! ✩⸜⸜ Wear or tear! (W.O.T) ✩⸜⸜ Worksheets ✩⸜⸜ Journal // QOTD hosted by bubby ! ✩⸜⸜ Pos quotes/affirmations

These have no specific Dates, they will be posted as we see fit! Each post will be sent between 12pm and 1pm (don't know when that is? find my timezone above)

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✨, (☀🐝), 🩷 Send us an ask to claim an emoji and show up here! <3

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#✩⸜⸜Babi posts 🐠 - For posts by Finn #✩⸜⸜Bubby posts 🏎️ - For posts by Bubby (FD)#✩⸜⸜Bubbys happy homework 🦖 - For worksheet posts #✩⸜⸜Nursery Positivity 🌻- For positivity/affirmation/Selfcare posts #✩⸜⸜Finns funs 🖍️- For all mood/stimboards and other funs #✩⸜⸜Agere reports 📢- Reports about users that break DNI or are unsafe for the community #✩⸜⸜Babi answers 🚂 - For answers from babi!#✩⸜⸜Bubby answers 🌵 - For answers from bubby!#✩⸜⸜Nursery Asks 🔥 - For ask posts/answer posts for multi usage!#✩⸜⸜Reblogs 📖#sfw age regression #age regression #agere community #sfw agere #age regressor #autistic agere #age re safe space #agere blog #age dreaming #agere #ageregression #age regression blog #age regression caregiver #age regression community #agere aesthetic #agere boy #agere caregiver #agere cg #agere little #agere sfw

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pencilscratchins · 2 years

Note

Have you watched the first episode of Strange New Worlds yet? I wanna know your thoughts

THANK YOU FOR THE OPPURTUNITY, DISTINGUISHED PANEL OF JUDGES (spoilers, seriously do not read if you havent watched it! its so good, you should do it unsullied)

okay so first and foremost: i fucking loved it. it was the best live action pilot of a star trek show since DS9- i thought the writing was so fun and energetic, and the characters/ cast are POPPING off the screen. im so excited for this season, i think its going to be a return to form in a lot of ways and i think that'll be a breath of fresh air. (i know some people are sad SNW doesn't seem to be taking risks, format wise, and you know; i like that picard and disco did something new and broke the serial mold that DS9 cracked for them. but i also love episodic television and i think having SNW be episodic functions as a great connective tissue between DISCO and TOS!)

the cast is FUCKING STELLAR!!!!! THEYRE SO GOOD! we know i love ethan & anton & rebecca's takes already, but what little we got of everyone else has me DROOLING. also im in love with ortegas already so. lesbian me, confirmed. (also set design & lighting is so much better than disco... holy shit)

i also loved the choice to open with a mission that the Red Angel incident caused; i think its a great way to introduce how that situation is still heavily affecting both pike AND spock, as well as how Starfleet was clearly not equipped for that level of conflict and now have to grow as well.

now... that's not to say i don't have critiques. because obviously, im not pleased with the spock/ t'pring stuff. i don't like how either character was written in their interactions and i think their scenes weaken the relationship we see in TOS. i know im a gay spock truther and people love to give me shit about that, (which you know... is another issue we wont get into here) but setting my personal spock truth aside; it was still a weak choice. i think tpring and spock work best when presented as foils and peers who are forced into a bad situation. the way they both get OUT of that situation (their engagement) is what defines both them and the fundamental difference b/w vulcans & humans: tpring functions within the traditional system to dissolve their union, as where spock breaks form completely and creates a new solution. framing their relationship like they did in the pilot weakens that decision on a whole. (& im not someone whos like "oh you have to stay totally adherent to established canon!" either but these interactions also felt out place when compared to how t'pol's engagement went? or is that just me?)

however, im also holding judgement. because i think one way to interpret this spock trying to follow michael's final advice (yeah yeah i have michael brain rot, sue me i dont care.) in spock's head, tpring IS the person farthest from him (she, again, represents the archetypical vulcan and everything about that society that he doesn't fit- and, they don't really like each other. they were forced together, they did not chose this.) this is spock reaching out, trying his damnest to respect what his sister wanted for him, even though she meant something totally different (canonically, or metacanonically at least, she was talking about kirk-) so it could very much crumble into the relationship we see between tpring and spock in TOS.

regardless, i like how spock was written outside these scenes and you can tell ethan loves playing him. and the tpring actress is really serving, i hope she gets more outside of spock! uhura is already a delight, i cannot wait to dive more into her and see what celia does because theyre so talented; i love la'an's voice and presence and i can't wait for her and #1 to have scenes together! pike is so charming and well written and i love how he interacts with his crew. chapel is deranged and i love that choice, m'benga is such a good CMO. i am so pleased with this episode, i really am!

oh also this is a sam kirk stan blog now. called it, i called it SO HARD. AGAIN I CALLED IT AGAIN--

#spoilers #snw spoilers #lovelyladylaudanum #sorry for the essay i have a lot of thoughts #MOST GOOD LIKE 90% GOOD I REALLY LIKED IT YOU GUYS #especially because picard was such a chore to get through this season im sorry #i know people liked it but it was so......... long for me #snw is so much more fun #strange new worlds #strange new world spoilers #long post #read more #under the cut

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truegoist · 10 months

Note

💘 + RIN x ATLAS

OMG </3 long post so

where they first met and how

Probably at a school gym, i mean im in a basketball team and hes in football soo fight over who gets to use the room first

how long their ‘flirting’ phase was before feelings got involved

HELLA LONG bc he’s petty and like “oooo i will never be that low to actually fall for that guy” etc etc

who fell for who first ( if applicable )

okay so I’m going to go ahead and say him first bc even in irl relationships I’ll flirt and shit w everyone but it takes me a hell lot of time to actually swoon

where their first date was and what it was like

PICNIC PICNIC PICNIC was pretty fun except turns out bringing dogs was not such a good idea <;/3

who asks who out and how ( with a sign? spelled out on a cake? just a simple ‘will you go out with me’? )

me obvi, probably started out w someone going “oo u two gay” and me being ye

who proposes first

rin this time he plans every single step to it

if they keep / kept their relationship secret or let everyone know right away

Not exactly single but rin doesn’t wants rest of the bllk guys to know bc they’re annoying

where the proposal happens and how ( kiss cam at a baseball game? on a hillside surrounded by ducks? at a disney park? )

after his match def frfr

if they adopt any pets together

nope i have enough pets already

who’s more dominant

me B)

where their first kiss was and what it was like

Totally normal moment except his first automatic reaction was to go “Ew”

if they have any matching couples stuff ( mugs? sweaters? pillowcases? )

NECKLETS & PIERCINGS

how into pda they are

rin like %0 and me %100

who holds the umbrella when it rains

Him solely bc i always forget to bring one

where their usual ‘date spot’ is ( if applicable )

my or his house

who’s more protective

Rin def

how long it is before they sleep together ( can be as in ‘had sex’ or as in ‘shared a bed’ )

like a week lol. Mainly bc i love crashing over at even just friends houses

if they argue about anything

everything always doesn’t matter what I love arguing and he’s just petty

who leaves more marks ( lipstick, hickeys, scratchmarks etc. )

💪

who steals whose clothes and how often

I’d say rin only does so when he confuses it w mine (bc yk similar size both men’s shit both emo) and then refused to acknowledge it’s mine

how they cuddle ( spooning? facing each other? )

probably either spooning or me just on top of him bc i love body slamming ppl

what their favourite nonsexual activity is

arguing </3

how long they stay mad at each other

not too long he’s way too in love for that lmao loser

what their usual coffee / tea orders are

rin orders whatever he wants for both of us and I just go along as long as it’s cold

if they ever have any children together

physically impossible but also I want children so adoption

if they have any special pet names for each other

loser, etc

if they ever split up and / or get back together

nah i don’t think so

what their shared living space is like ( messy? clean? what kind of decor? )

oh I’m a pro at cleaning houses so very very clean 💪💪💪 I’d say rins part of the house is very minimalist and mine is just full of decorative shit and photos and all

what their first christmas / hanukkah / etc as a couple was like

i dont celebrate any of those stuff BUT MATCHING COSTUMES FOR HALLOWEEN

what their names are in each other’s phones

rin to me > headache.

me to him -> bbg

if they have any ‘couple traditions’ ( buying a new mug for their collection every year? baking every friday evening? )

ye collecting news articles together

who falls asleep first and who wakes up first

He wakes up first bc yk football shit and I fall asleep first

who’s the big spoon / little spoon

interchanging

who hogs the bathroom

me </3 (putting on piercings + dyed hair shit)

who kills the spiders / takes them outside

i do !!

#self indulgent shit #Anyways tyyy<333

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khaleesiofalicante · 6 months

Note

Hey Dani, a little rant cuz I don't have anyone I can talk to abt this lmao.

Little background because I think it all factors in d problem

My mom is not that well educated, She can't speak English very well and it's her biggest insecurity specially because we live in a city and a society that gives it soooo much importance. She never pursues any interest. Had an arranged marriage and she always says she feels very lonely. Lmao while I'm writing this I realise I wanna tell u so much but il try to keep it short.They are both nit that physically well. Mom's got hepatitis B, dad's got diabetes and stuff.

She has many friends but like they are all typical gossip aunties, even my mom is one haha. My dad on the other hand is well, more educated, goes to the office and stuff but he's VERY introverted, doesn't talk much at all, you literally have to beg him and like coax stuff out of him which can get super tiring and annoying ngl. Today, they fought again and their topic is always the same

Mom- I AM ALONE ALL DAY AT HOME, I DONT HAVE ANYONE TO TALK TOA DN THEN U COM FROM OFFICE AND JUST GO AND WATCH TV AND YOU UUST TALK ABT WORK BLAH BLAH

I have tried to talk to my dad and well he says he ll work on it but he never does or maybe he just can't so I tried to tell my mom to try new things independently and not depend on my dad so much. Obviously neither of them listen to me but they make me losten to their shitt. I'm just so tired at this point. Don't know what to do. Today my mom said that if this goes on, either one us (mom or dad) will not remain. And I'm like wow dude such a nice thing to say after coming back from 5 hrs of college and 4 hours of travelling with no food.

At this point, Idk who's wring or who's selfish. Me, my mom, my dad or all 3 of us. Thank god my brother is not involved in dis shitt.

Oh, sweetie, this is such desi daughter trauma and i am so sorry that you're caught in the middle of it.

I'm proud of you for protecting your brother and for trying to do something about it.

But it's not your job to fix your parents' marriage but i totally understand why you feel the need to do so.

Something that might help (and definitely helped for me) is to help your mom find some hobbies that might make her feel less lonely. It should be something new and something she'll enjoy and something she can look forward to.

A lot of our moms don't have a life of their own (because they were told their life is about caring for someone else) so their loneliness is very valid - but, i repeat, not your responsibility.

Something you can also do is perhaps organize some kind of activity you all do as a family together at least once a week (yes this is a headache i know), it could be cooking a meal together or watching some stupid reality show (this is what we did at home) and or just whatever that comes to mind.

You're not selfish at all. I hope this doesn't interfere with your studies. If it does, PLEASE tell your parents about it. Sometimes parents stop fighting when they realize it's affecting your grades (desi math istg).

Sending lots of love!

#support

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laundryandtaxes · 2 years

Note

how do you make friends and create community when 1) many/some of your beliefs challenge the normative ones in most lgbt spaces 2) a lot of "community building" that exists in "young people" these days brims with suspicion, exclusion (both social and exclusion on the basis of material conditions [how racist and classist and sexist people have been to me etc])? ive had a tough life, ran away from home, was homeless, had really awful circumstances, so i know that i isolate myself as a maladaptive thing, i have trouble trusting. but ive been in therapy for 5 years, have pretty good self confidence, am generally self reliant and dont try to coddle my own feelings of hopelessness. but my god, i feel invisible to gay/young people in my city, i feel like our values are at odds 90% of the time, and that i come from and experience the world in a way that's different, partly because of my material conditions and partly because of my politics. i guess what i am wondering is a. where would you look in these circumstances, especially when you are alone in the city (my friends dont live here anymore) b. what kind of activities would you orient yourself towards 3. how would you manage being in places where people are either passive aggressive or actively hostile towards you

I mostly don't, honestly, which I know is not ideal or liveable for every individual but is perfectly comfortable for me. I really value individual friendships with other gay and bi people, and I like community events as well, but I generally just avoid queer culture and the general queer mileau and simply critique them from a distance. But to your first point, I think understanding that gender identity ideology (I dislike that term, but it's the best catch all I've got) is similar to religious belief inasmuch as it requires faith to operate really does help, because I've been extremely atheist for almost my entire life and have known and loved many religious people whose beliefs I've found absolutely absurd without it getting in the way of the relationship. To your second point, I have no desire to spend time with people who hate poor people, in the same way I have no desire to spend time with people who think that the natural phenomenon of homosexuality is bigotry, because I find that abhorrent and undesirable in a close relationship. To your third, I think basically every queer group that exists near me is passively hostile to me inasmuch as it is filled with people who think I have at best a limited claim to the word "woman" due to how I look when it is my birthright. I really sympathize with gay people who just want to spend time among people who are similar and likeminded. But I think on the one hand it is important to respect that gay and bisexual people are just people and therefore there is a wide range of opinions among us on any number of topics from explicitly religious topics like church attendance to less consciously religious topics like gender identity, and that you can know and love and be close with someone without agreeing with them on any number of things, including relatively important things. And on the other it is important to me that I not spend time with people who think homosexuality in and of itself is a bad thing, and I am not willing to do so simply to meet other gay people. It might be worth it to try meeting individuals, maybe at events but maybe on something like Lex, rather than focusing on interaction with communities that I often consider anti-woman and anti-gay in their current iteration. And you should also consider that queer community is not the only kind of community that exists, and maybe hobbyist groups or engaging in your hobbies (maybe hiking or fishing, etc) via local groups could be an excellent way to meet people, and perhaps you'll stumble upon a gay person!

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lesbian-janecrocker · 1 year

Text

This fic is based off of my no suburb AU in which the beta and alpha kids never play suburb and neither do the trolls I haven't come up with a way they meet each other yet but I might make it involve Bec Jades dog?? ALSO HUGE TW FOR R@PE/CHILD NEGLECT/ S3LF H@RM AND DYING SO PLEASE OF U CANT HANDLE THAT STUFF DONT READ / DONT INTERACT!! thx xoxo ;3

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Your name is Jade Harley today is April 13 2009 and today was supposed to be a very special day but the days almost over the sun is setting and your dreams lied, you can't help but cry to know that everything all those years of day dreaming for this day the day you could start your life wasn't real it was all in your head it was never real and it lied and it hurts you just lie on your bed crying for hours you've lost all hope and your lost now thao day was supposed to be the end of this lonely hell but it will never end because it has just begun, your dog Bec comforts you as you cry your eyes out, you pet Bec as he licks your face, you know there's no reason to get up Dave will never text you and neither will John it's his birthday of course so he couldn't care any less, all of your thoughts rush through your head you now will never be able to tell Dave and Rose how you feel the way you would die for human contact to touch someone else you couldn't care if they where hurting you or hell even using you for pleasure as long as someone was there you didn't care anymore you had lost everything and now there's nothing left there is no point in anything now your always going to be stuck on this god forsaken island no, this hell.

//////////

Your name is Dave Strider and it jus so happens the 13 of April 2009 is your friend John's birthday, your surprised Jade hasn't texted you John and you talked earlier about how you where both going to play some stupid game you would have probably thrown out your own window, but your brother is coming home soon so you have to get to bed soon even though it's only 4:00 in your mind if your asleep he can't do anything to you the worst he could do was just to watch you sleep and get aroused but what else could he do.. right? God your so tired of being scared of him he's your fucking brother who you can't even trust because all he does is touches you Jesus Christ.. your brother is home now ( you hear the door unlock ) oh god ( you climb into bed pretending to be asleep ) ... Dave..? You don't have to hide from me come on! It's not like I would hurt you.. ( f- fuck no he's looking for you he's gonna rape you again you know that all you can do is hide all of a sudden tears start to form in your eyes as you hear your brother open the door reaching for the blood stained blanket from previous sessions..) / Soon after the session / ( oh my god why me why again I feel so sick I just wanna vomit when he touches me I can't do this I can't I can't I can't I can't I don't feel safe here i- i-m so tired I don't wanna be here I hope I just die I don't wanna wake up tomorrow I can't do this I can't live here it hurts so much I can't walk now. Great. )

//////////

Your name is Rose lalonde and today 4/13/09

Is your friend John's birthday who seems to have forgotten to open your gift or at latest tell you about it.. and your other friends won't text you either and you've been trying to text Dave for the past hour now he still won't respond you supposed it's something with his strange brother who in your opinion seems like some what of a pedophile but what can you say you only know what Dave tells you and he doesn't say much when it comes to his brother! It's getting late now and you have to go find your mother.. ( you walk down stairs smelling a strong scent of alcohol and cigarettes ) m-mom- sorry mother.. RoseeeEe.. heh have you uh heard anything from your uhh what's his name um John.? Like I would carreee. God just go to bed.. B- but mother I haven't eaten yet.. So? Just god I don't need this right now just go.. FINE you say getting rather pissed at your mother you head up stairs tail between your legs now you truly understand why dad left.

//////////

Your name is John Egbert and today is your 13th birthday and you where supposed to play some stupid game with your friends but it's stupid like Dave said so there's no point in playing it.. but for some reason some one keeps messaging you?

CG). HEY FUCK ASS UH IM GOD AND IM TROLLING YOU UH WORTHLESS HUMAN SCUM YOU FUCKING NOOK SUCKING HORN RUBBING FUCK FACE CUN-

EB). Woah one you have horns and two your god??

CG). OH MY GOG SHUT UP THATS NOT THE POINT ALL YOU NEED TO KNWO IS THAT IM HERE TO ANNOY YOU AND THATS THAT ALSO HAVE FUN WITH YOUR FRIENDS ALSO GETTING THESE SHITTY MESSAGES BECAUSE M UH FRIENDS ARE ALSO TROLLS ANNNND-

EB). ok. So whats the point here man I'm tired just tell me what you want and today's my birthday so-

CG). GOG YOU STUPID FUCKING HUMANS.. SO SINCE YOUR UNABLE TO GET PISSED BECUASE OF MY VERY VERY.. FUNNY TROLLING WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU NEED?? BECAUSE IF YOUT ASKING WHAT I WNAT IS TO TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT WORTHLESS GRUB.

EB). Well my friend Jade is kinda upset about these weird dreams she's been having and they haven't come true and apparently she's been planning for this day her whole life and all so the least you could do would be to help her!

CG). HELLO? OK WISE GUY IM NOT A FUCKING MIRACLE WORKER.

EB). Well if your god can't you help anyone? :B

CG). SHUT THE FUCK UP OK OK I ADMIT IT IN NOT GOD BY ANY MEANS BUT SHEESH- GUESS I COULD JUST MESSAGE YOUR FRIEND OR SOMETHING..

EB). wow yeah thanks dude byyyyeeee ^^

CG). HEY WAIT-

( EB). stopped pestering CG). at 6:43 pm )

Welp that was strange. But whatever your tierd and your sick of eating cake all day probably Betty crocker cake mix.. hm I just hope Jades ok, she lives all alone only at 13 and her Grandpa has been gone for a year so there's no hope of him coming back any time soon she said he was really into adventurers andddd.. into some guy named Dirk?? Damn she really needs to stop looking through her grandpa's weird old gay fantasy diaries..

//////////

Your name is Karkat Vantas and today the in human language would be the thirteenth of April two thousand and nine.. your now on a wild goose chase of messaging this human boys sad friend like you should fucking care. Seems out of your fucking control why do you even give a shit anyway I mean it's either this or playinv that stupid game with Sollux even though it was your idea in the first place.. whatever Karkat let's just get this shit over with...

CG). HEY ARE YOU JADE? ANSWEAR ME!! MAKE THSI EASY AND ANSWER DONT TRY ANYTHING!

GG). Who the hell is this Dave are you using an alt account on pesterchum becuase if thai is you I'm gonna be at your fucking ass :(

CG). NO MY NAME IS KARKAT NOW WJTA TEH HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM ANYWAY A FRIEND OF YOURS HAD TOLD ME ABOUT YOUR CURRENT FEELINGS OF SADNESS AND TO GWT HIM TO SHUT TEH FUCK UP I HAVE TO DO THIS.

GG). well my problem is that I'll be trapped on this stupid fucking island forever and I'm surprised I haven't killed myself yet mr. Karkat sir.

CG). SHEESH IM NOT YOUR THERAPIST KUAT TELL ME HOW I CAN HELP SO I CAN GET JOHN OFF MY BACK.

GG). well If your asking injsut want to leave this stupid island I've tried everything but nothing will work

CG). WELL I MEAN I COULD GIVE YOU SOME ADVICE MAYBE?

/Half an hour goes by no response from Jade/

CG). HEY ARE YOU STILL THERE???

CG). HELLOOOOO

GG). help please teh bleeding won't stop and it hurts.

CG). WHAT ARE YOU OK?

GG). no my wrist keeps bleeding and it won't stop I can't stop the bleeding please help

CG). DID YOU DO TAHT TO YOURSELF.

GG). god fuck off please just help me!!

CG). UM WELL IS THERE ANYONE THERE TO HELP YOU?

GG). a fucking dog that can sometimes teleport.

CG). WELL THEN FIND THE "DOG" AND LET IT COMFORT YOU OR BETTER YET TRY SOME OF THOSE FANCY THINGS YOU TRIED TO MAKE TO GWT OUT OF THAT ISLAND I DON'T KNOW FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP!!

GG). Iim bleeding out but I'll try I don't want to die please don't let me die Karkat it's so cold here don't let me die alone bleeding out my wrist on this floor please

(She slowly walks over to her failed portal to simply think about the one person who cared about her dying the only one who offers help as her wrist bleeds out onto the cracks of the stone contraption on the floor causing it to flicker green light..)

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you think you just listened to the last words of a girl who killed herself you feel sick to you stomach- FUCK OH MY GOG. a passed out red blooded girl lays flat on your floor as you see the same blood color as you tan skin, cracked lips, fluffy long hair, no horns what is this you know it's a human. But god THIS oh my wow i- CHRIST KARKAT SHES DYING DO SOMETHING FUCKFUCKFUCK ( you find bandages and wrap them around her wrist you lay her on your bed staring at her for hours wondering what to do when all of a sudden her eyes widen ) ( Jades POV ) OH MY GOD YOU- WHERE YOU HAVE HORNS AND YOUR G- GRAY AND A BOY? I- YOU SAVED ME DIDNT YOU YOU KARKAT YOU YES YOU ( he stairs at you in shock your so happy and scared all at the same time knowing that This the first time in years you have been around another thing that has feeling like you at least you think but he saved you. ) / She leans in and gives Karkat a kiss on the lips / ( Karkat's POV ) OH MY GOD you turn away S-STOP I I DON'T KNOW YOU I- i-m so sorry she says in a quite voice feeling ashamed of what she had done I haven't seen another person in a very very long time :(.. OH I UH UNDERSTAND BUT STILL- THIS IS STUPID SO JUST TELL ME WHY IS YOUR BLOOD RED LIKE MINE YOU COULD BE KILLED. I don't fucking know I'm just- thats just how humans are. Ok. Also if my portal worked.. then. I can leave. Whenever I want I'm free thanks to y- you oh my god OH MY GOD. PLEASE I NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS PLACE I NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING YOU KNOW PLEASE I LOVE IT HERE I LOVE YOU. I- FINE BUT PLEASE CALM DONE FOR FUCKS SAKE I'M HORRIFIED OF YOU...

//////////

(End of chapter one everyone is always connected ) also if there's spelling and Grammer mistakes idc in only proof read the start and I'm rlly tierd so fuck off it's 1:00 AM rn..

#homestuck #fanfic #this is a cry for help #sensitive people DNI #I based Daves parts off of my own experiences btw..

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langermanns · 20 days

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i. some intro / sys stuff

hi hello hi. its me your favorite normalguy.

i made this sideblog because i have been (over the course of the last two years) thinking a lot about my own behavior and the way i process & react to things. that feels like a really big blanket statement actually... umm ok how to phrase this.

for a very long time i was anti-self-dx. not so much anymore, though i will preface this by admitting that while osdd-1b is the label i am (privately) using for myself right now, i am not going to claim any sort of officiality to it. i dont think i will ever be in a place where i can speak to someone with the capacity to provide a diagnosis about these things; i can barely discuss them with myself. so here we go.

a) who are you?

right now, i think i'm blake. it can be hard to tell sometimes. the way i differentiate, as someone who does not (for the most part) experience amnesia, i try to maintain an awareness of changes in my thought process, feelings on certain topics, feelings about myself, and the memories i am capable of / comfortable with accessing. those differences are stark enough to make it clear that im not the same person as the host.

b) who is the host?

the host is... you probably know if you're here. i will censor with three slashes (///). when he's present (fronting?), he is not comfortable with this blog. when he's not present, i end up like this. feeling untethered, unsure. displaced. and these feelings deserve to be acknowledged. if they aren't processed, i fear that things will only circle the drain and i (or we?) will never get better.

c) who is blake? who are the others?

right now, i am blake. im not sure how many others there are. adam is certain, and we knew about him before anyone else. he's always angry. i cannot tell if he is a persecutor or protector. either way, he sucks. michael is a bigger question: i'm not entirely sure he and i are different people. the name feels important, but then again so does mine. as for who we are, who i am, i don't really know. i tend to take the pilot's seat whenever the host delves too deeply into triggering topics or memories. i can talk about that in a separate post, though. also, there may be more of us, but it can be hard to tell. i know the host suspects a girl, but i don't know her name. she is the youngest, though i don't know how young. again, we can go into detail in a separate post. to summarize: adam, blake/michael, host, and ???. thus far.

d) do you ever want to "become whole"?

yes, i think so. maybe someday. i don't like feeling like this. admitting that there was a "dissociative problem" going on with me took a very long time to begin with, and honestly i would much rather be able to say with certainty that "i am [the host] one hundred percent of the time." but at this point i can't keep telling myself that when i am sitting right here, and i am not the host. doubly so when adam is around.

so here we are. this is a pretty long post but i think it'll suffice as a start. once again, this is all very new to me, both because i have not been openly subscribing to this label, and because i do not have any sort of community. i have a number of system mutuals, but it's not like i've reached out and said "hi i am maybe one of you i think" so... i've kind of been living like this in the dark. if anyone sees this and wants to talk to me about it, please please do, and thanks for sticking around.

#.txt #// blake

0 notes

underscorecc · 26 days

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ive reached another time where i feel like i need to vomit out all the shit thats been churning in my psyche. you know that feeling where you dont want to go to sleep because of this subtle sensation in your stomach? I think its dissatisfaction, both with myself and with the people around me.

the girl that i broke up with turned out to just be a hoe. She played w my heart and told me i was " the right guy at the wrong time" and that "she needed time to be single" and then immediately hopped onto some mid ass white dude LOL. anyways i fucking hate her guts. not cause she doesnt like me anymore, but because shes a damn liar. on a positive note it just means that little plot threat in my life has just been tied up, and now all i have to do is reconcile with the distrust for people that ive already been harboring, so nbd.

the ppl in my life kinda got me fucked up tho. right now i feel like theres no one genuinely there for me. I have a therapist, but you cant rlly get the level of intimacy with a therapist in the way youd have with family or friends. so right now i feel like i have nobody. my friends all suddenly seem extremely disinterested in talking to me. someone who i consider my best friend barely texts me and brushes off making plans and never reaches out. and my other friends just dont seem to really care or respond to me anymore. I get replies, but im not having conversations. it also seems like my mom is tired of me. shes even said it herself. she gets annoyed at a bunch of little things that i do. so i dont think id be wrong to assume ive become a nuisance rather than a valued family member.

it totally could be me. it totally could be them. it also totally could just be a series of unfortunate circumstances so ive been kinda torn trying to figure it out. I know im partially to blame. i can be overbearing and i dont know when to shut the fuck up. its hard for me to do genuine real talk anymore. I say "real talk" and then give advice to friends (probably unsolicited). but i never rlly talk about stuff that goes beyond skin deep. I talk about terrible moments in my life, like when i was sa'd or like something fucked up ive done, but its water under the bridge and doesnt rlly affect me anymore. i dont know, i just get the feeling that people will be repulsed if they see the real me. the me that is insecure and struggling and tired and angry. god im fucking angry, but im also so goddamn complacent, which is infinitely worse.

i am in the process of changing my life in a drastic way, which is needed. wont say how but it should shake things up in a good way. unfortunately its also partially a waiting game. so im stuck here in this in-between where i am given the privilege and honor of being alone with all of my thoughts!!!

i think i am having an identity crisis. I dont know what defines me anymore and i dont know who i want to be. ive thought about changing my name. im already changing what i wear (slightly). and weirdly enough even though i am a straight, cis dude, i occasionally have very very slight doubts about my sexuality and gender. its probably normal tho who knows.

I think this stems from a lack of masculinity in my life. having high free testosterone does not make me a man. being aggressive or stoic does not make me a man. but theres this concept of a real man in my head as something to aspire to be, but its an extremely vague and loose concept ive formed. despite being 20, i dont really see myself as a man. but im not a boy either. not to say im non binary. im just in this awkward in-between period. I wish i had a genuine masculine figure in my life who i could look up do. my dad is more like reddit atheist ben shapiro who debatelords me when he doesnt like me doing something. i dont live with him anymore so those problems are in the past, but the lack of a male role model is catching up to me, and its on me to define my own masculinity, but like fuckkkkkk i dont think ur supposed to do this by urself.

i been feeling mad weak. i always was a pussy on leg day and its showing now that i havent been to the gym for months. it really makes me feel pathetic. that 15% increase in struggle for things that i used to pick up with ease is really shameful, or embarrassing, or idk. it just fucking sucks. I want to be a strong person who cannot be surmounted, like a legendary dragon. But at the same time i dont know if these desires are my own or some responsibility i put onto myself as a means to gain social acceptance. its probably something i should put thought into when im eating enough and actually going to the gym, but i think ive been holding off because i feel so pathetic.

its a brutal cycle too. I feel pathetic from prior experiences where ive been demeaned (so a lot) -> i feel i dont have the grit or willpower to do something -> i try something thinking ill fail or just avoid it outright -> i feel pathetic. shit sucks ass.

anyways word vomit over thats p much it

0 notes

punkscowardschampions · 7 months

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Barly

Carly: [some time after her fun times with Alison because the gals had to cleanse themselves in water and have a reset moment and generally just be allowed to live]

Carly: I’m sorry

Bartley: Why, what for now?

Carly: everything @ bonfire night idk

Bartley: It wasn’t so bad

Bartley: and you didn’t 😱👻 to make it weird, the less good parts

Carly: k grand

Carly: weren’t expecting the air to be cleared this quick but

Bartley: Not surprised you’re feeling the fear this morning, like

Bartley: s’why everyone hates Mondays, I reckon

Carly: im not 🍀🐇🌠 how u r to be feeling that type of way

Bartley: I weren’t even pissed, be why

Bartley: Notice Ronan was off his face too though, by the end

Carly: you was too busy 😍💋🥰💞😘💓’d be why bb

Carly: how are u to raise a glass when youve some lass always on your face 🌺🐝

Bartley: You sound jealous

Bartley: Another zombie girl situation, was it?

Carly: what of another 🤠🤎 for you wasnt it?

Bartley: I don’t know, I’ll not see her again so it doesn’t matter

Carly: u could if you’re after it mattering 🍯💛

Bartley: Tah for the permission, Carls

Carly: I mean cos shes a mate of alis brother & hes a mate of mine

Carly: if you want to see her its not like youd have need of searching every pop up shop for a lass on till

Bartley: You’re well 💔

Bartley: Mosey boy should still have her number, somewhere in his contact list, you can find her

Carly: my god shut up gobshite 😅

Bartley: 😏

Bartley: I just mean, that girl talked too much, when she weren’t attached to my face, I’m not after seeing her again off my back

Carly: ah now theres sense course thats why you was on her constant not cos u like her 😏

Bartley: I’m not being mean, don’t think she even asked what my name was either

Carly: im not calling u mean boy it was a party & yous both had your fun

Bartley: The comparisons are never far off

Carly: youre never far from slagging me but hey i was trying to see how long we’d go before you started

Bartley: Am not

Bartley: the only reason you like Ronan is because he has no opinions of his own and that suits you

Carly: oh please hes loads of opinions of me & they dont suit no more than the 1s the rest of yous lads have do

Bartley: Yeah right, I know how dead easy he is to convince, we do it all the time

Carly: whats it you reckon I’m here wanting to convince him of?

Bartley: I don’t need to say it, you know

Carly: I dont

Bartley: Nah, you’re after tricking me into slagging you already sos you win, more like

Carly: yea cos what a victory thatd b like

Bartley: Your shit game, play a different one

Carly: im playing none im only telling you I’m not after him

Bartley: Does that mean you’re after Moses again

Bartley: better warn his mammy, like

Carly: no never

Bartley: Believe that when I 👀 it

Carly: cant u believe it hurt us getting rated?

Bartley: no, ‘course it did

Bartley: but has he tried to apologise to you yet?

Carly: hes swore to make my life a misery cos i dont fancy fucking him no more, where it was left, more or less

Bartley: Jesus, well

Carly: i think this heres where im meant to warn yous all hes hoping you’ll all get yourselves involved in them fun & games like im scared or care

Bartley: He’s not said anything, not when I’ve been there

Bartley: maybe he was already half-cut when he said that to you, didn’t really mean it

Carly: yea maybe

Bartley: Sounds it

Bartley: he’ll have found someone else to bother by now, forgot all about that

Carly: dont even know how to make a girl feel special w his threats

Bartley: I’m just saying, don’t be scared

Carly: he dont scare me

Bartley: Good

Carly: its your turn to the now

Bartley: My turn to what?

Carly: scare us

Bartley: Not Halloween no more

Carly: only a week gone somehow

Bartley: your getup were a lot scarier craic anyhow

Carly: least yous all dressed up loads of lads from school never far as I saw

Bartley: Mosey fancies himself enough to love all that

Carly: are you not to bother yourself next year then?

Bartley: I felt like a divvy

Bartley: different for lasses, you all love it

Carly: 🥺 I loved waiting to work out what youd picked to be 💔 for that as the last time & end of an era

Bartley: You’re such a pisstake

Bartley: I’ll try and think on before the day of next time, or go looking alone, so the best costumes don’t get nabbed

Carly: or you could let us make u 1 ❤️🎨✨🧡🧵💚💄🖤 cos I am not a pisstake

Bartley: Oh, sure, be the easiest way to go about being a massive one 😅

Carly: nah youve just massive issues w trust

Bartley: I don’t

Bartley: you’re not serious anyway

Carly: yea I am

Bartley: Maybe then

Bartley: is a whole year off now - 1 week so you’ve got time to be dead ❤️🎨✨🧡🧵💚💄🖤

Carly: yay 🖤🧡🎃🖤🧡👻🤍🧄💀🖤🧡🎃🖤🧡

Carly: dead excited to prove myself

Bartley: You who offered, moody

Carly: you’ve a whole year to work out for yourself when I’m being serious

Bartley: I already know the answer to that

Carly: u so dont

Bartley: Yeah I do, you’re never bloody serious, that’s your problem, girl

Carly: youd not handle me if I was

Bartley: That a threat of 😤 or 😭?

Carly: Id reckon its a reminder of when I tried to talk to you serious at the party & your eyes near fell out your head for the size they went

Bartley: You didn’t mean to say it, was being polite ignoring it

Carly: k eejit youre never polite, your problem

Bartley: Oh, so you let that pair walk all over you but I’m the rude one, how’s that work

Carly: yous can all be, sure, enough of it to go round, hows that?

Bartley: It don’t, you’ve no sense or shame to let him act like that just because you reckon him pretty

Carly: i know ive not, everybody knows ive not

Bartley: You could, you’re not totally braindead

Carly: i feel it

Bartley: act it out enough times for it to be all you hear, sure you do

Carly: it was all i heard before I acted up any time

Bartley: It’s not totally your fault

Carly: remember I go weird when youre nice

Bartley: yeah, don’t stop you having a go the rest of the time, weirdo

Carly: 👶😭 what go like?

Bartley: You can only take a joke off Moses when you want him to fuck you

Carly: hes no jokes when he wants to fuck me or he don’t

Carly: the lad’s loads of things but not gas

Bartley: I never said he was funny

Carly: it werent about him making us laugh

Bartley: no shit

Carly: y talk about moses when it only makes you 😤😠

Bartley: You made it so its all that’s to be said when your name comes up

Carly: wow k then

Bartley: What? You know it’s true

Carly: i never knew that was all you had to say to me but theres us told

Bartley: If you wanted to be mates with us, you wouldn’t have done what you have

Carly: right yea ill be off 😶💚👋

Bartley: For fuck’s sake, can’t you just admit that you did wrong, like

Carly: i have

Carly: what else are you after 🩸🙏📿?

Bartley: A sorry you don’t stick to don’t mean anything, you know

Bartley: You lot never do

Carly: wes done w each other, me & moses, I’m sticking to it

Carly: & ro’s just a friend now

Bartley: Believe it when I see it, yeah

Bartley: You can’t expect everyone to be convinced of that yet

Carly: take long as you need 🤠

Bartley: Whatever, you never listen to good advice

Carly: give it & maybe i’ll

Bartley: You want to do what you’ve done and are gonna keep doing

Bartley: why should I even bother

Carly: you’re not listening yourself I said ⬆️

Carly: but don’t bother w me & my 🍃🌱 if youre no believer in it

Bartley: Prove us wrong, no one’d be happier for you to stop fucking things up

Carly: k 💚

Bartley: K yourself, nightmare

Carly: don’t call me that

Bartley: calm down

Carly: no

Carly: you sound like him & youre not

Bartley: I’m so sorry I’m not him, Jesus

Carly: you shouldnt b sorry

Carly: nobody is after you being him

Bartley: He’s a bit of a liability but he’ll come round, probably

Carly: I hope he does to yous all

Bartley: There’s only so wild people will put up with but he’s not like that bad

Bartley: long as he’s grafting, not fucking with other people’s families, he’ll not be going anywhere

Carly: yea, he’ll come grand once he grows up

Bartley: Still be a gobshite and a poser but you know

Bartley: worse crimes

Carly: yous lads have all committed them

Bartley: Not my family, not like his, their daddy lets them get away with all the stuff he still wants to

Carly: don’t start me on their daddy, I know my place that much

Bartley: Don’t be grim, or accuse him of that sort of carry on, people get strung up by their balls for less

Carly: not me who hes carrying on with if hes round this caravan

Bartley: There you go, how can any of them be expected to carry themselves with respect when he’s their example

Bartley: If their mammy had any backbone yours would be without hers, you don’t make it that obvious, in front of her and everyone she’s to live with, feeling sorry for her

Carly: sure, ive no argument there, sorry if youre expecting 1

Bartley: I know you don’t like yours as much as she reckons it so

Carly: I like her how any girl of my age does her mammy, problem lies in her not wanting to act the part

Bartley: or her age

Bartley: I’ve seen you go all dead when she’s acting the maggot, it’s pure shaming, no one proper blames you for her being that mental

Carly: everyone instead reckons i take after her id rather the blame

Bartley: It’s just the same as them, how are you to be better, you’ve no daddy to take the pair of yous in hand either

Carly: Im not mental though

Carly: whatever else I am im not, k? Youve to know that’s so

Bartley: I didn’t say you were, only as a joke

Carly: i cant laugh @ it sorry

Bartley: Alright, alright

Bartley: you’re hanging, I get it

Carly: I hate that youve 👀 me away 💀👻

Bartley: The others don’t notice, not that they’ve ever said and it’d be a weird thing for me to bring up to ‘em

Carly: whyve you?

Bartley: I dunno

Carly: if youre to be looking @ me im to put more effort into being prettier 💄💅✨

Bartley: you’re not

Carly: i know im not thats where the effort is 🎀

Bartley: Leave off with that, you know what I meant

Carly: are you leaving off 👀?

Bartley: I weren’t looking through your window at night, don’t make it sound weird

Carly: its weird u know something they all dont but no surprise

Bartley: Maybe Ro knows, seeing as you twos are so close these days

Bartley: wouldn’t be after telling you if he did

Carly: wes further apart than ever these days but thats my own fault so

Carly: theres only ali who ive let 👀 can’t stop her same as you

Bartley: You can’t stop me

Carly: I dont want to

Bartley: There you go then

Carly: what do you want boy?

Bartley: you talking my ear off, what do you want, girl

Carly: if that was true youd of stayed w me @ the party not your girl [her name]

Bartley: I were being polite, you’ve already been told

Carly: you don’t like me when im high

Bartley: Not really, no

Carly: but I don’t myself when im sober

Bartley: I’ve seen it before, you’re too young and not a bloke

Carly: idk how to make you understand what youve not seen

Bartley: Probably not my business, you don’t have to

Carly: probably cant be inviting you to look in my windows or you’ll be 😤😠 @ me

Bartley: You like mental, even if you don’t wanna be called it

Carly: nobody likes for proper mental

Bartley: nah?

Carly: im not after being locked up where ali’s brother is

Bartley: that’s a bit different, Carls

Carly: i dont feel no different to it unless i take something that changes how

Bartley: They reckon he killed her, you’ve never done nothing like that, don’t be stupid

Carly: he never she killed herself & sometimes I get why you know

Bartley: you’re not to say things like that

Carly: im no catholic saying or doing isnt off limits

Bartley: We’re right and that’s wrong though

Carly: is it?

Bartley: Yes, you twat, shut up about it

Carly: see, you dont like us when I’m not high neither

Bartley: Why would you say that? Nothing is that bad, is it

Carly: cos

Carly: idk [her mum] had this fella round whos bad enough & i thought hed away when i took myself off w ali but hes no moved himself all that far

Bartley: Go on, what’s his craic?

Carly: - craic

Bartley: Yeah but

Bartley: you seem scared or like, idk

Carly: im too tired to b on how she wants or turn him off hows needed 🥱😴

Bartley: Get him to go outside for a smoke or something

Bartley: just give me a bit, to sort it, yeah

Carly: im not bringing my trouble to you

Carly: no, like

Bartley: We’ve all sisters and nieces here, why do we want that sort on our site

Carly: hes been told im older theyre all of them lied to shes my big sister or best mate, its her craic

Bartley: She’s delusional, he’s got eyes

Carly: men use em to see what suits not whats real

Bartley: Not proper men

Carly: come on shes never filling this caravan up with proper men

Bartley: She can’t be trusted with anything, obviously

Carly: ill go back out idc

Bartley: For God’s sake

Carly: youre invited unless youve work on tomorrow

Bartley: you can’t just bring that up and then drop it like that

Carly: I can’t do fuck all else & im to be sure not letting you

Bartley: I wouldn’t on my own, I’m not thick, I told you give me a second

Carly: you might still be hurt hes a grown man & youre not no older than me

Bartley: No I won’t, I know how to fight, tah

Carly: idk that he dont too, catch yourself on, will u

Bartley: he’s to be outnumbered, calm yourself down

Carly: rich of you telling us to be calm when youre about to 💪🥊🤕

Carly: stop yourself please

Bartley: why should we?

Carly: i said please

Bartley: You should want it handled, why would you not

Carly: how you mean to handle it’ll knock me 🤢🤮 worrying over you

Bartley: None of us will get hurt and he shan’t come back, whatever lies your mammy is telling, it’s easy

Carly: its my fault if any of yous do & even if it werent i care whatever happens

Carly: more than I ever am about where that fella puts himself

Bartley: Why would you tell me and then say we can’t do anything about it

Carly: idk 😵‍💫 i didnt mean to

Bartley: For God’s sake, girl

Carly: I’m sorry

Bartley: Forget it just get out of there and go find Ali

Carly: shes busy or id not have left her

Bartley: go sit in [the communal middle bit where they have the bonfires and whatnot, you know where I mean] then

Carly: [do and send a pic from there, not of you because you don’t wanna show yourself in the state you’re clearly in, but so he knows you’re there]

Bartley: Alright, good

Carly: i’m doing what im told you have to yourself & not have a scrap w my ma’s latest

Bartley: I shouldn’t listen to you, by all rights

Carly: but youre decent, a good boy

Bartley: Calling me that isn’t helping your case, like

Carly: what’ll I call you then like?

Bartley: Call you a pisstaker

Carly: idm id have heard worse if i stayed in

Bartley: you’ve not convinced me not doing anything is the right thing to do

Carly: do something else & you’ll quit thinking about it

Bartley: I shan’t

Carly: im grand now

Bartley: You could’ve put some clothes on, you’ll freeze

Carly: where are you even 👀 from? fuck

Bartley: out my window, which is the opposite of what you said, don’t act like I’ve got a hockey mask and a baseball bat

Carly: don’t look @ me for the now how about 😳

Bartley: You need a blanket, something

Carly: im no going in for it id sooner 🥶

Bartley: [throw one out of your window, can’t just come out, obviously]

Carly: [go grab it and wrap it around yourself while stood right next to his window, could just wait til you’re back seated so he can’t see you as well but obviously we’re not gonna do that]

Bartley: [doing the smallest wave as if you are locked in here, stepping back and out of sight after a pause like that’s enough]

Carly: [doing an oh you kind of lol before she heads back to where she was before, looking over her shoulder as she’s walking though cos you know he’s still lurking even if you can’t see him]

Carly: 💚👽🌱🦗🍐🍃🍏🍀🧃🥝💚

Carly: still idk what to do w how sweet u can be

Bartley: I’m not sweet and I know what it’s shorthand for

Carly: i dont tell us

Bartley: Yeah you do and it’s why you go for lads like Mosey who aren’t sweet

Carly: i got wrong reckoning he was or could be

Bartley: That’s the mammy in you, reckoning he could do no wrong when he’s so sweet when he wants something

Carly: nah its the little girl in us he said hed protect me & I so bad wanted him to

Bartley: He were never after that, don’t think it’s important to

Carly: im stupid

Bartley: if you’d have known, wouldn’t have half the success rate he does, you’re not the only one who falls for it

Carly: 1 of these days youll answer that I’m not 🎱🔮

Bartley: one of these days, you’ll act it, yeah

Carly: took the blanket for a start

Bartley: It’s a start

Carly: & your 👋💚

Bartley: You were doing your best Samara impression, be why

Bartley: 😶 not move on else

Carly: k you hate being called sweet enough to b after me taking it back 🍋💔

Bartley: A bit like your costume

Carly: was gonna do her from the exorcist but it felt like tempting fate for 🤢🤮

Bartley: Be gas to see your head do a 360 though

Carly: oh would it now

Carly: im fair flexible but idk if id go that far

Bartley: Not an 🦉

Carly: ill do you that carry on when shes off down the stairs

Bartley: 🤣 will ya now

Carly: yea

Bartley: Wait ‘til the next party, would look pure nuts doing it out there on your own

Carly: wait til im somewhere w for proper stairs

Bartley: can’t call anything ‘round here more than steps, true enough

Carly: maybe for your birthday 🎁

Bartley: Where are we after going with stairs then 😏

Carly: id say ali’s but your girl would probably be there & outshine me w her 🎭🩰🎨🎬✨

Bartley: You don’t need to call her that just ‘cos we can’t remember her name

Carly: shes that cos shes after you so bad

Carly: her name’s [whatever it is]

Bartley: Only for the night

Carly: all the nights yous are in the same place

Bartley: And how often do I find myself at 🎭🩰🎨🎬✨ shit, girl?

Carly: you liked it at ali’s did you not? & you wasnt behaving so as youd never be invited again

Bartley: She’s decent craic, sure

Carly: ali or [this gal]

Bartley: Ali

Bartley: I don’t know about her family, mind

Carly: i told you her sisters not well like

Bartley: I know, I know

Carly: she hates me but the rest are decent themselves

Bartley: She wants Ali back, to be sure

Carly: course id have her to myself too if there was any say to be had in it

Bartley: Alright, gay

Carly: the girl’s magic ❤️🍄🧡🐅💛🌞💚🍀💙🧿💜🔮

Bartley: As bad as Ronan, you are

Carly: why arent u?

Bartley: What do you mean?

Carly: y dont you fancy her?

Bartley: ‘Cos Ro does

Carly: did you before you knew about ro?

Bartley: He has for ages, not exactly subtle

Bartley: She’s pretty, sure, but you don’t do that to mates, nor family

Carly: k true enough

Bartley: I’d say you were about equal, anyway, you know

Carly: what? ah no

Bartley: why not

Carly: why would that be so?

Bartley: I dunno, you’re different but the same

Carly: I wish we were the same

Bartley: Are you jealous of her?

Carly: I’m too happy for her

Carly: but its shite i cant b as happy for myself as well

Bartley: Dunno why you girls can never be happy with yourselves

Carly: it isnt only for how pretty she is though

Carly: its how smart & nice & brave & loads else ❤️🍄🧡🐅💛🌞💚🍀💙🧿💜🔮

Carly: & for her family, all she has

Bartley: Don’t all that make you like her less

Bartley: a 🤏

Carly: no, shes never looking down @ us how id probably if I had all she does

Bartley: suppose not

Bartley: Is the smug cunts who are the worst, aye

Carly: you 👀 the girl over her fence?

Bartley: Yeah, nearly shit myself, she were proper giving it The Ring vibes, her

Bartley: nosy neighbours is one big reason not to have a house

Carly: youre making us wanna watch it now boy chuck your 📺 out

Bartley: bit more rock and roll when they weren’t flatscreen

Bartley: We could watch it, if you lot want to hang out like proper friends, me, you, Ro & Ali

Carly: 📺❤️📼💛🍿💚

Bartley: Something like that

Carly: ill find my hairbrush out before to not scare yous

Bartley: and no pea soup if we watch The Exorcist too

Carly: pissing myself on your carpet would be - craic too but its k ill not be out here in your blanket til then hed not the stamina to have

Bartley: If he’s not gone by [a time we’re deeming too late for her to be outside by] I swear

Carly: oh hes laying down the law

Carly: are you to be my brother or my daddy now?

Bartley: Behave yourself, it isn’t funny, all this

Carly: am like a 🐶 left out sure enough

Bartley: She’s such a

Bartley: you shouldn’t have to do this

Carly: [excuse me being EVIL by saying this man comes outside to smoke and is literally and blatantly chatting Carly up like she isn’t 12 years old, here not replying because we’re here going dead again while this man is the most grim]

Bartley: [not you having to rush out so dramatically this man is gonna be shook until he sees you’re just a teenage boy, coming over and putting your arm around her shoulder like come on, get up, trying not to look at or acknowledge this creep right now because you’re blatantly fuming]

Carly: [this poor girl has left the building because you just know that gross man was too in her grill and touching her and I’m soz we cannot, purely moving because this boy is moving her rn, the audacity of her mother and the boyfriends she picks]

Bartley: [direct her into your caravan via holding her shoulders, this man better hush because if this boy has to fight you, his fam will come out and fuck you up, gotta know where you are, honey; sit this girl down on your sofa like all that’s happened is a change of seat and your jaw isn’t clenched so tight you feel like it’s stuck that way]

Carly: [get back inside to the age appropriate lady or leave sir those are your choices, you can’t be that stupid, god only knows how long poor Carly will stay put before she’s finally back in the room and then is hugging her knees to her chest, still wrapped in this blanket, and risking a look at this boy like he’s gonna be mad at her instead of the fucked up circumstances in which she finds herself through no fault of her own]

Bartley: [not really helping you think otherwise with our face like thunder over this but can’t help being that bitch I’m afraid, the way we kept glaring out the window ‘til that dude went away and are now just pacing lowkey, putting the telly on, as you pass and clearly catch her eye, like that is the most comforting thing you can manage in these circumstances]

Carly: [looking away from this boy SO immediately when he catches your eye because genuinely feel like a kicked dog in this moment as if everything is your fault and you’ve done the wrong thing over and over again from the second you got back from having fun with Alison ‘he’s gone, I’ll myself’ taking this blanket off and trying to neatly fold it but you’re all shaky and upset so you can’t and it feels like an impossible task ‘sorry’ as if it’s for the folding fail and not everything]

Bartley: [the ‘wait’ coming out a bit too fast and loud, so you’re going redder than your mad face already is because don’t want her to think you’re scared of this man, kicking this blanket aside because I highly doubt you’re neat, you’re teenage boys with your own space lmao and you could not care less about said blanket right now ‘just chill’ as if that’s an easily achievable thing]

Carly: [when it makes you jump because it’s sudden and loud and you didn’t expect him to say it or anything in fact and that makes you feel even more embarrassed and sad than you already do, like there are literal tears coming to this girl’s eyes about it that she’s trying not to shed in front of this angry boy ‘I can’t’ so quietly because you dare not express how !! and true that is when you already think he thinks you’re mentally ill ‘I’d-’ stopping yourself cos you were about to say something about needing to get drunk/high again there and you know he hates it and doesn’t understand ‘I can’t’]

Bartley: [‘please don’t’ when you’re saying please but you’re also wincing because you in no way know how to handle this or what you’re meant to do now she’s here and so are you ‘you’re to tell her never again’ as if this is a thing that will work because got to say something and it should be a warning she listens to ‘or I will’]

Carly: [‘I’ve tried for years and years’ in that resigned way of you have and it hasn’t changed anything ‘at the first, I think I was 10, Christ knows how old I looked to him’ with a shrug because you do know, you aren’t a girl who looks older and that’s the tea]

Bartley: [just cursing this man out in your own language, as well as all the others before, under your breath but so angrily ‘you’d be better off without her’ as the thing you say in English and more directly to her]

Carly: [when you probably understand most if not all of what he’s saying anyway because you’ve always lived here and thus have picked it up like a 2nd language basically ‘she’s my ma, still’ said like whether she acts it or not because she absolutely never does but you have love for her and want her to nevertheless]

Bartley: [the noise of scorn that honestly deserves at this point, ma’am, shaking our head because ‘my point remains’ throwing yourself down into the armchair/other sofa because a lot of pent up emotions and nowhere to put them right now so having to do everything in a dramatic fashion]

Carly: [‘without her I don’t know where I’d be’ because truly where would they put you gal ‘except not here, sure look, maybe that’d be better but I’m not after going off’ just like this is my home soz everyone]

Bartley: [still shaking your head, shrug your shoulders, only stopping shaking your head when you put in your hands and breathe out in frustration]

Carly: [‘yeah’ like yeah I know, cos we’re frustrated by our lot in life too sir but we don’t feel like there is anything we can do to change it other than the unhealthy coping mechanisms we have]

Bartley: [‘your room have a lock on it?’ in such a matter of fact, resigned kind of tone because you don’t know what else you can do right now]

Carly: [shake your head because you’re not the sort of girl to be doing DIY like that to keep yourself safe, Ali is but you’ve clearly not expressed how badly you need one and it’s not every dude your mother brings home who’s acting like this ‘but I’ve the bathroom’ like that’s fine]

Bartley: [looking at her like no it is not before looking to the TV you put on as if you’re watching it remotely ‘we’ll put one on’]

Carly: [looking at him only when he’s looking at the TV despite the fact we all know he can feel it ‘okay’ quietly cos we’re accepting this not fighting him on it or saying anything bants etc]

Bartley: [not looking back, just nodding because can’t commit to any more, switching the channel, to something you can at least say you want to watch, opposed to whatever just came on when you put this telly on]

Carly: [getting up to go like you can just quietly slip out like a little ghost as though you were never here but obvs stopping before you get to the door and turning back like - because you wanna thank him for what he did but you don’t know how to because it feels SO big, literally nobody cares about this girl but Alison and that cannot be overstated ‘you are decent, a good boy’ said sincerely like no bants or lies detected]

Bartley: [looking over at her like you did not just say that but you can’t help but do a little smirk, almost as if it’s against your will with how tiny it is but still, rubbing the back of your neck ‘away with you now’]

Carly: [doing a lil smile back because she can’t help that either ‘you’re not to watch me’ like he’s gonna be at the window lurking until she’s inside when it’s not far to go at all, but ofc said like he absolutely can and she doesn’t mind because she doesn’t and in fact wants him to, wrapping her arms around herself in preparation for how cold it’ll be outside and how much she doesn’t really wanna head back there cos her mum will either be in a mood this man has left and wanting to overshare about it or her bestie as per and wanting to keep the party going and neither is the wanted vibe]

Bartley: [flipping her off for calling you a stalker but you’re grinning back more openly so she knows you’re all good here, even if you know what her mother is like and do not envy her going back, you can’t offer her an alternative ‘take the blanket’ as a throwaway comment as she hugs herself because it do be chilly]

Carly: [doing the kind of pure and happy lol she did at bonfire night which is usually reserved for Ali only and/or being high as she slips out of the door, waving off his blanket offer like no no I couldn’t possibly ‘it’s yours’ as if he needs it more here for his TV watching]

Bartley: I’ll get you a lock after work tomorrow

Carly: 🔒💚

Carly: ill sleep for the knowing of it

Bartley: I’m glad, go get some, said you were tired

Carly: you’ve work ill let you get your head down bb

Bartley: 👌

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indistinct-office · 1 year

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tw // uh nsfw mentions and suicide and general mental illness stuff idk

i love fukuzawa sm but idk if id rather him mentor me or fuck me

i think i should die to be honest im sad dude ill cry i wonder if i have a dissasociativive disorder like. depersonalisation seems concerningly familiar well like it makes sense of course derealisation and deperasalisation

idk how to spell but they make so much sense. on the other hand one must consider that i am evil and pathetic and dont deserve an explanation for my feelings nope im jsut bad and should die. but apart from that

im tired man. im very tired i want to cry. i also. cant seem to move

so idk if i have dpdr or im just tired or have executive dysfunction everythings very confusing im trying

why

and is it unreality or is it me philosophising or

whats going on i know no one else knows i dont i feel like i have never been a person i feel like a mirror more than anything i dont know and feelings are so complicated i want to cry and i dont understand whats going on and im so sick of myself but i cant seem to stop and everything i say feels like a lie and i cant remember anything i feel like im fading also how is it almost 11pm

i feel like i dont have any agency and

like if someone has moved the content of this image way to far off the edge

and i dont know if the whole "i dont feel like a person" thing is dpdr or succh strognly engrained self loathing or a combination of both or me making excuses for being lazy or i dont know and it always has always felt like there are too many people in my head. whcih sounds yk. not great. and it isnt but then what if ive convinced myself that i have dpdr/whatever because i just want a label and something solid or i dont know but no i think i do and who is i anyway who am i referring to ive been through this so many times before and nothing changes nothing has every changed and nothing will help

and i know it sounds like im having a panic attack because i am but this is how it feels all the time

i used to joke to myself that my brain was either so full of thoughts it hurts or completely empty and full of fog but that might be dpdr

like, anxiety/trauma or dissacociative

oh no

but idk i havent really had an trauma what if im making this up just because i want my friend to know whats wrong with me and me to get better and have a nice little storyline and get better

it feels like whenever im lucid im in pain

ha. well. thats a thing now i guess

im so tired of this. but its all good its fine. i cant even self harm properly

what if the reason im so anxious all the time is because im scared of why im doing something

it feels like im comingn to some big resolution but what if im just convincing myself of that so i can feel good but everything will stay the same? there are dried tears on my laptop and they look like stains of cum

oh no i think i might be dpdr. like. when /that/ happened. i distracted msyelf and felt "usual" and then i was reminded of it and it hurted so much

oh no oh fuck what

well. theres that i guess

yeah no im pretty sure i have uh depersonalisation/derealisation disorder. it makes a lot of sense. at last the puzzle of the self is completed and im better and everything is fine /s

no wonder i relate to will wood and jreg so much.

there is now the issue of

a) who the fuck am i

b) what the fuck do i do now

uh i need help i think ( yeah no shit )

it really does feel like there are hundreds of people living up in my brain

im scared about what i should do next.

i have to go to london tomorrow

no wonder i find it so hard to explain my thinking process and emotions. of course. it makes sense now

im posting this so theres some external record of what happened today. but this is basically a diary entry so yknow.

#depersonalisation and derealisation

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divinedeities44 · 2 years

Text

Getting to it

I was a couple days old when I was adopted. I don’t really remember details about my childhood. I went to a bunch of private Christian schools with a bunch of people who didnt look or live like me. My adoptive mom is one of those people who does EVERYTHING in the suburbs because its “better”. As I heal my relationship with my mom, and understanding she is the way she is because she never healed from her past, I realized my mom, along with most of our parents, lives in fear. My mom is at the very end of the living in fear spectrum. She is super afraid of situations she makes up in her head. Irrational fears. She wont get an iphone because she doesnt want to get beat up by teenagers who want to steal it. She didnt want me to buy Kai uggs because someone might steal them. Its great that I can say these things and laugh instead of feeling frustrated. My mom fights for power and control. Shes the first reason I decided to teach myself about human behaviors. My dad was the “fun” parent. But as I began to heal my relationship with my dad, I learned he had bought my love. Dont get me wrong, both of my parents are sweet, sensitive people and I love them. But in order for me to grow, it has been my job to recognize and analyze their behaviors, so that I am able to take a step back and see how those behaviors shaped and molded me, so I could unlearn the toxicity and create space for the greatest version of myself. The most i could tell you about my childhood before i turned into a teen is that I was constantly being placed in a BOX! I was always being told suburbia was better than the ghetto. white was better than black. Jesus is the way. Whole time we were poor asf and none of the people at those schools I was going to were poor. So I didn’t understand why we were trying so hard to be something we were not, but we also weren’t going to cookouts and listening to lil Jon either. I spent that part of my childhood on 29th and Lehigh. The school bus came and picked me and my brothers up and we drove 2 hours to get to and from school everyday. Because the suburbs. I missed vital parts of being black. I didnt even find out who beyonce was til like 2007. I didnt grow up watching Friday, Belly, Scary movie or snakes on a plane. I grew up listening to gospel music. Yep. The WOW tapes,veggietales & bibleman. If you know, you know. My favorite thing was the Olsen twins, Junie B Jones, lite brites, easy bake ovens, barbie dolls, and art. Art was the only thing that stuck with me into my adult years.

Im gunna have to insert some trauma here, because the traumas are huge turning points in my life. Be gentle with me, as I am gentle with myself. My mom and dad have been separated basically all of my life. The house I grew up on, on 29th & Lehigh, was my grandmothers house. My grandmother lived in Mt Airy, so we lived in the house in North Philly. Me my brothers and my mom. I belive my mom carried a lot of resentment in her heart for how her life turned out and a lot of that resentment was projected on to us. Me, specifically because I was the only girl. And we all know those mother daughter relationships.. Whew! My mom treated me a lot more cruel than she treated the boys. And I think that is the main reason she is so afraid to meet my biologic family. We had a big scary basement with spiders. My mom knew how scared I was of being down there. She used that as ammunition to gain more power and control over me. The same tactics that were used in slavery. Preying on your fear to make you even more fearful of the oppressor. We’ll talk about that later. My mom would do things like lock me in the basement and laugh at me while I cried, and make me scrub the basement floor with a sponge and when I would kneel down to do it in a squat, she would laugh at me and tell me to get on my hands and knees. I am in no way telling this part of my story for an emotional response. But we need to acknowledge the dark so we can understand the light. There was another time, when my mom was putting a perm in my hair and i complained one too many times that it burned so she shaved off all my hair, took all my toys and clothes out to the yard, and told the trashmen not to take it so i could see it everyday. My dad came by to take us to the park a few times a week. I remember having to talk to my dad through the basement window, because I was in trouble for doing some kid shit, so I was locked down there and wasnt allowed to see my dad. As Im writing this, Im realizing that was the moment my dad became the “preferred” parent. It was because he hired someone to clean up my rained on toys and clothes from infront of my home that had been sitting there for weeks. Emotional and psychologic abuse. From as early as 7 or 8, I was in therapy, and taking mental illness pills. Because my mom thought there was something wrong with me because I was just different. I questioned everything. I didnt like church. I wouldnt “obey” the social conditioning. It didnt make any sense to me how I was being raised as a white girl, but i lived on 29th and Lehigh. I wanted to jump rope with the girls down the street and go to the cookouts at Rhodes. I could here ludachris from my bedroom window, but all I could have was Fred Hammond. Talk about pissed off. I wanted to EXPLORE the world! Not be confined by what my mom deemed as acceptable. As a kid, I certainly could not understand my moms behavior. All I knew was I wanted to get up out of there. I told my dad I wanted to live with him. Shortly after my oldest brother had already went to live with him. This started the family court dates.

My dad lived on 6th and fairmount. In the backroom of a church called the mission. His childhood friend, who I call Uncle Matt, owned the Mission. The mission did church services, clothing and food drives for the homeless. My dad worked for his friend, cleaning the mission, and in return, he was able to stay in the backroom there. My dad was never a bum. He was a workahlic. He worked at the pennsyvaia hospital more than the years I have been alive. He also worked at the rittenhouse hotel. He was just a guy. My dad has never needed much to be happy and Ive always admied that about him, but in the same breath, he needed to take better care of himself and us. Long story short, it ended up being both my brothers, my dad and myself living in the backroom of the mission. of course once we all left our mom, we were taken out of private school and put in public school. Me and my younger brothers elementary/middle school was RIGHT NEXT DOOR to the mission.

It was the worst time of my life. I didnt grow up having a car in my family, no matter which parent I was with. Septa was your girls best friend! And still is at the moment lol This is why it took me 27 years to even be interested in getting a license! I got my license January 2022. Im still mad proud of that. Generational curses are very real yall. But thats another thing we’ll talk about later. Living in a church, with a boy haircut, in the middle of the hood, was a HUGE culture shock to me. I was bullied by those kids so bad. I wanted to kill myself so many times in those days. I may have even tried once or twice. I was barely 12. Please teach your children to be kind to others. Again. My life is serving as example.

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pigdemonart · 2 years

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【THINKING】

Two types of thinkers: the ramblers and the pacers.

Idk why i went hard on the lineart for two whatever comics…..i think sometimes i just like drawing genuinely (lineweight go brrrrr)

Also the things they are talking about were random scripts I jotted on my phone’s notes — pls dont correct me on all the pokemon battling stuff if it makes NO sense. I am just a little piggy.

Follow me | Tip me

#submas #emmet #ingo #pokemon #pokemon black and white #comic #my art #there is no neurotypical explanation for this #i dont do either of these but i live with someone that does both B) ♡#anyways this also ties in with the hcs of how ingo is better communicator than emmet #ingo can only draw up difficult conclusions after mapping it out in his head over #emmet’s thoughts make sense to himself but sound weird said out loud #they are both too smart for their brains to handle

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diavolosthots · 3 years

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This got really long so i put it under a cut and I'm totally going backward with this series but i cant help myself. I HAVE to start with my husband. Most of these are my own headcanons but please read the warning.

Warning: some of these are confirmed in lessons/devilgrams. If you dont want spoilers, don't read the ones in red. (Also Note: I remember reading all of these either in the game or on the official wiki page but I could not find all the in-game sources if you asked me to. Still, they are tagged as spoilers.)

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾DIAVOLO Life Headcanons☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Diavolo’s dad, the Demon King (whom I Headcanon to be named Daemon. I could write headcanons on that guy too?? Lemme know what you guys want) loved Diavolo’s mom dearly and Diavolo was thus a product of pure love, not necessarily just to have an heir. That’s just a bonus.

Sadly Diavolo’s mom died in childbirth, leaving only the Demon King and Barbatos to take care of him.

This caused the King to begin resenting his son and Daemon grew cold. Barbatos was, more often than not, the one who took care of little Diavolo, although Diavolo tried desperately to win his dad’s affections, never truly understanding why his father would hate him.

Diavolo was a rambunctious child and caused a lot of trouble, much to his father’s dismay, and he found himself in trouble a lot.

On top of that, Diavolo is also highly emotional and it wasn’t until much later that he learned that tears won’t get him anywhere. Barbatos used to give him sweets and tea every time he cried, which was a lot thanks to his dad.

Although the butler did stop this at some point, that’s definitely where Diavolo’s love for tea came from

Barbatos is definitely, and has always been, someone he confided in, and he found it hard to view him as nothing but a ‘servant’, per his dad. It’s not even that his father hated Barbatos or thought of him as lesser than, he just didn’t like that Diavolo confided more in him than anyone else.

Diavolo definitely had a rebellious phase as he grew up. The mixture of his absent-father’s non-existent love and the responsibilities put on his shoulders from a very young age got too much for him at some point and let’s just say…. Diavolo had a lot of ‘oopsies’ in his ‘teenage’ years.

If you know, you know. They are no longer among the living. R.I.P.

People used Diavolo a lot because of this, though. The lack of care and love at home caused a young Diavolo to be naive and trust too easily, getting hurt in the process

Which is why Barbatos now has a torture chamber for the enemies of Diavolo (or people who just want/use him for the wrong reasons)

When Diavolo didn’t try to escape the castle for some love, he found comfort in art and unbeknownst to both his father and anyone else working at the castle, Barbatos helped him build a mini art gallery up in one of the towers where Diavolo still goes for some relaxation or just to think.

A lot of people backstabbed him as he grew up and even he himself backstabbed a lot of people as well. At some point he saw the hurt he caused and decided to never lie again, and now he’s always telling the truth, albeit he can beat around the bush a lot, and knows for certain when someone else is lying to him.

At some point, his father forbade him to treat Barbatos as more than a trusted servant and that pretty much solidified his dislike, not hatred, for his father.

As he grew up into the man he is now, he started to see his dad as more of an authoritarian ruler that works for his own political gain rather than the well being of everyone. The Devildom was never in shambles, or anything, but one could feel a clear hierarchy and there was definitely tension with the other two realms

His father was actually the one is (somewhat, if not fully) started the war against heaven (not to be confused with the celestial war that the brothers were part of)

Now, he never hated his father, truly. To a certain extent, he actually understood why his father was the way he was. He lost his beloved wife for a son he had to grow a new relationship with. Diavolo never thought his father hated him, either, but one could tell that their relationship was filled with grief, heartache, and even a sense of regret.

Diavolo never blamed his father, though, and as he grew older, he took certain aspects of his father’s character into his own: loyalty, ambition, and honesty.

That’s why his father stepped down, but not fully since Diavolo hasn’t been crowned yet. The Demon King is tired; tired of pushing through the days, and Diavolo understands.

The situation with his parents is also the reason why Diavolo refuses to settle down so easily. He’s scared of both A.) trusting the wrong people again, like he had many times before, and B.) of having the same fate as his father and mother.

That and Barbatos is highly protective of him lol Good luck getting past the butler if you want to be with the future King.

One of the main reasons Diavolo keeps up the naive and himbo attitude is also because he never got to be a kid. His father pushed him straight into royal life once he was old enough to comprehend things.

This does not mean, though, that Diavolo is actually a himbo. He’s quite intelligent and there’s a reason for everything he does.

Diavolo doesn’t believe in coincidences and is a firm believer in fate; that everything happens as it should and for a reason (A/N: homie is a determinist and that lowkey makes me happy lol)

That’s why he’s perfectly fine taking his time and doing his thing. He likes to have a certain sense of control, of course, but not to the extent that Lucifer does. He’s cool going with the flow as well.

Speaking of Lucifer, the reason he views him as a best friend and even family is because Diavolo believes he can relate to the absence of a father that’s supposed to be there no matter what

That and because Lucifer is brutally honest. He doesn’t take Diavolo for granted and he certainly doesn’t want Diavolo around for the riches and fame. Diavolo appreciates that a lot.

Diavolo gets along with pretty much everyone; he’s very adaptable because he has to be. However, that doesn’t necessarily make him an extrovert. As a matter of fact, he’s actually more of an introvert and likes to keep to himself or with a limited group of close friends

Speaking of friends, Diavolo doesn’t have a lot, if any, outside of the brothers and Barbatos. It’s hard to know who to trust when so many people just want to use him or rob him, even strip him of his title.

Diavolo is very lonely, as a matter of fact, and he hopes, prays even, that he could find a bond with someone, anyone, like Lucifer shares with his brothers. In a sense, he may even be jealous of the seven.

Although his life was less than peachy, even if he did have everything anyone could ever wish for, Diavolo craves true emotional connections, which is why he clings to Barbatos and Lucifer.

This, however, doesn’t mean he is helpless. He’s very much an independent, intelligent, and ambitious man, and he is excited for the future, whatever it may hold.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me scenarios #cheys headcanons #obey me lord diavolo #shall we date diavolo #om! diavolo #obey me diavolo #diavolo obey me #obey me diavolo x reader

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