#i dont want to be responsible for your health problems

[rpmemes-galore]

the idea of anon hate is so funny to me, like   “ i’m a stranger on the internet, who’s too chicken to even attach my face to these words, and what i say isn’t going to affect any other facet of your life aside from this specific blog on this specific website.... but here’s all the reasons why you’re terrible and you need to listen to me bc i’m an entitled little dipshit who thinks the world revolves around me and everyone needs to cater to my whims all the time, always”   like lmfao.  touch grass, plz

#negativity tw #drama cw #not downplaying how anon hate can wreck your mood / day. it has to mine before. but also like XD #buddy. i dont care. yeah im slow here. yeah i redrop things. yeah i dont always answer messages in a timely matter #bc im ya know. disabled and have a life and health issues outside of tumblr.com #and its so funny to me that some people really do have THE AUDACITY(tm) to try to dictate how i run my blog(s)???? #start your own rp meme blog if its such a problem lmao. idc. #not a meme #same applies to my rp blogs. ive had peeps tell me im too slow or they dont like my muses / writing style #?????????? okay. dont write with me. block me if you wanna. doesnt phase me. its not my job to write on your schedule. #and its not my responsibility to curate your dash. its yours. if you dont want me on it unfollow / block. its not that bog a deal #*big. grow up pls and thank #i think there's a lotta people on this website that would benefit from logging out for even just... 2 days and experience the real #world for a bit ya know?? #its tumblr.com rp. its not that srs

[blackpilljesus]

I saw this from the female separatism subreddit & the responses are some of the biggest reasons for separatism et al (or extinction if I'm being candid here). Moids cant be reformed they are fully aware of the hell they force women to live in. MaIe achievement & happiness is rooted in female exploitation & life. Their glory days are based on our horrific days. No amount of love, kindness or facts will change maIes and we cannot happily or even neutrally coexist with them.

Main points across answers:

Many want to experiment but not permanently be women

They dont want to be in constant danger or lose their autonomy at the hands of maIes for merely existing

They dont want to deal with childbirth (& periods)

They dont want to have to share spaces with species much stronger than them with ulterior motives

It makes me go crazy seeing people give moids benefit of doubt for their evil like "maIes just dont understand", "we need to teach maIes", or claiming that maIe violence is a result of maIes struggling with (expressing) their feelings. I get that women love maIes and it can be hard to imagine that people can intentionally be so evil but it is what it is. MaIes have no problems expressing themselves, abusing women is what maIes choose to do because they enjoy & benefit from it - that is their expression.

MaIes see the same news of women being abused, raped, and killed like we do except rather than be disheartened or alarmed they're either apathetic or satisfied. It isn't aliens that's committing GBV it's maIes & maIes have no problem reminding women of this when women anger them (such as rape threats & threatening women they'll end up on the news/true crime). The victim blaming, denial, and derailment of misogyny is part of the game to keep the system alive, they know the events occured & are a systemic occurence they just dont care. Hell not only do they not care, they rejoice in it or get off on it.

MaIes set up environments that work in their favour which simultaneously ensures that women will lose. They know women are set up to live in damn near impossible conditions for us. It's normalised for women to defenselessly share personal & private spaces with beings much more stronger than them with ulterior motives for us, it's trap. It's interesting how these moids aren't saying that they'll just cover up and *poof* harrassment gone, or they'll just pick a nice guy & they'll be okay. MaIes know the net negative they are towards women.

MaIes know that childbirth is a painful process & what do they do? Demand it happens and make it even MORE painful for women. MaIes that impregnate women do not love or care for them. Pregnancy itself is dangerous & sometimes lethal, often comes with a range of health issues, to cause someone to be in that condition especially in a environment where abortions are illegal is reckless & unloving. Now imagine how sinister & full of hatred one has to be to impregnate someone and abuse them on top of that. Many women risk their health & lives to reproduce with a Y and they get abused by said Y instead of being taken care of. Deranged.

Realising that maIes are aware of the evil they inflict is one of the things that radicalised me. It isn't a miscommunication or ignorance issue, their violence is intended. They want control. The cruelty is the point. Instead of wasting time & energy trying to change maIes or hope that they "understand" one day, focus on yourself & other women (who prioritise women). Moids aren't oblivious to female pain they enjoy it. A lot of women treat maIe evil like it's a mistake on maIes part but it's calculated terrorism. I know that this will go over many womens heads as they refuse to hold strong negative sentiments about moids as a collective so if you're not a woman like that, take this post as a sanity check. You aren't crazy, it isn't all in your head.

#Will women listen to any of this? Nope. But I will still speak anyways. #I say all of this as an osawoman so attraction is not an excuse. The time for reconciliation & reform has long gone. #And stop fucking creating more maIes ffs #While many women are under the impression that moids are clueless about our oppression; some want to believe so bc they dont want to come #to terms with evil moids actually are. Because if you want to reproduce or have a positive relationship w/ moids theres no way you can #consciously do that bearing in mind what moids are so many women push it away. Anyways #blackpill feminism #blackpill feminist #female separatism #female separatist #males know what they're doing they just dont care #radical feminism #radical feminist #feminism #moids are terrorists #feminist

[nimblelizard]

Rant Rant Rant Rant

#as is life couldn't knock me down more 😮‍💨 #i dont even know how to explain or describe the bs ive been through #at this point i dont even care if im a shitty person i #i dont want to live with them. plain and simple. their being childish and expecting me to 'fix' a friendship #its draining and i cant put my mental health on the line for the sake of yours #to qoute marcus 'mental health is not your fault but it is your responsibility' #i will not fix your problems. no matter what i do you will not be happy. so lets just not be friends. both of us can move on then #*screams into pillow* #IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT I SAY THEY DONT LISTEN SO LIKE????

[bulbabutt]

if i can be corny for a second i wanna talk about the greatest strengths of the 2003 tmnt series and why it speaks to me (esp as a queer person)

so i might have alluded to this before, but let me say it outright: each show is definitely a product of its time, and the ideals of whatever generation its from. whether talking about the humour, the story, the dialogue etc, its always important to remember that these shows will always come off in a way due to the generation theyre from. and thats not a bad thing! it just means its important to think about them from that perspective.

2003 is a show of my generation growing up, and a thing about that era that maybe some people younger than me wont understand is there is so much more language commonly available to describe yourself now than there was then. you can take this in any context; mental health, sexuality, gender identity, or even just the ability to describe your relationships with more (idk if this will be the right word) therapist language.

in 03 we have a family unit of splinter and his sons, each with their own strengths and weaknesses. we have a splinter who hasnt opened up to his sons about the trauma hes experienced, but not in a way of shutting them out, simply because it isnt their responsibility to know as they are teenagers. he tells them of the mutagen that created them, but not of his past with his master yoshi, who he calls father when by himself, but never around his sons which is just an interesting concept to think about.

(i do not intent this next sentence as ragging on the two shows after this when i say it, simply from a character standpoint) this is the splinter who completely doesnt make his problems his sons problems, but he also is very willing to tell them the truth when he knows they're ready. this is is the most idyllic version of splitner out of all of them, even when comparing to his mirage counterpart (who hes the most based on) due to that splinter raising them to be ninja specifically to make them fight shredder. this one is just their father who loves them and wants to keep them safe the best way he can, and he was never a human in the first place to even know how to be that. so this whole family dynamic starts with him, and the way he raised his sons reflects his parenting.

so, the setting and year this show is made is 2003. something very relatable here is how there isnt a lot of language for the personality quirks of the turtles. there's so much evidence here for mikey having adhd, his brothers will say things like "why doesnt mikey have to help?" and the answer is "well, he'd be bored. and whats worse, mikey not helping or mikey being bored?" its this beautiful moment of, "hey, we know its not fair, but thats how mikey is, and its better for everyone if we just respect that thats how he is" mikey cant keep his hands off stuff, they know this they dont yell at him for behaving that way, they just stop him. this coding feels the most specific, but like i said. its 2003. we dont have the words to describe what this is yet, and if we do its not common knowledge.

another example is in the classic episode where raphael meets casey jones. raphael is sparring with mikey, and he lashes out and nearly kills mikey. everyone reacts to this by getting him to stop, and no one is more upset than raphael himself. they all tell him to go get some air, which he does. theres no moment of any of them screaming at him for losing his temper, its very clear that they all know he's going to do that himself. and he does go get some air. they all know thats what he needs. he goes and meets casey jones, another hot head, and raph has to help coach this hot head on his anger. when he comes back at the end of the episode after having let out that aggression, he apologizes and no one is upset with him. there's a very clear understanding among his family that he cannot help it, but the best thing they can do is give him his space when he needs it. watching this from a 2023 perspective (20 years later) im sure we could analyze this as a few things going on with raph, my mind comes to autism but at the end of the day it doesnt matter why he behaves like this, the point is that he does and the best thing his family does is just...help him. which they do. and they never hold it against him.

when leo is going through his ptsd arc hes at his closest to raph as a character, the show draws a lot of parallels (like having him go let out some aggression with casey) and we get to see the dynamic in reverse. in "i, monster" (the rat king episode) leo is losing it, taking on rat king alone and not wanting to let up. raphael is actively holding his brothers back when they say "we shouldnt leave him to fight alone", raphael says "if leo gets in trouble i'm the first one in there, but right now it looks like leo's got more than one monster to work out of his system" raph doesn't exactly know what leos going through, but he recognizes it. he knows he needs to fight alone, so raph lets him. its only when the building collapses and leo is no longer in a safe position that he says "leo lets go", which leo wordlessly agrees with and actually listens.

this is what i think is the best part of these guys, the unconditional understanding they have for the way they are. we still have our "raphs a big hot head" "mikeys annoying" jokes, but they feel like genuine good natured sibling ribbing because they know each other on that level.

and to go back to the fact that this show is set in 2003, there's something so specific about the way mikey constantly makes references to liking women's clothing, to being fine with feminine language, and to being open about being the pretty turtle who "has that effect on minds of men" speaks to me as a queer person. this could easily be intended as homophobic jokes and probably is, because again.... its the mid 2000s, thats very much what media was like, thats what the jokes were. especially with the girly screams mikey does being one of the first jokes of this nature.

but theres something that happens in season 4, where an alien is attacking mikey, and donnie rushes in and says "hey, thats my sibling" that sticks out. and it happens again in fast forward. when talking to the dark turtles leo says "you and your brothers" "me and my siblings"

because of the way this family unit just understands each other without ever having a conversation about things, it feels like its not a joke. theres some kind of affirmation happening here. even if it seems like i could be reading into it too much, its specific! and it keeps happening!

and by the end of the show, when mikey says he wants to be maid of honour, even if that line in the media itself was intended to be a joke, no one in their family treats it like one. of course mikey is the maid of honour, he asked to be one! the only real offence taken is when april says bride's maid, to which he is offended because hes so much more important than that!

so from a story standpoint, this show doesnt have the intricate complexities and butting heads of latter iterations, there isnt much relationship growth to be had (in fact once we get to around season 5 the flanderization of the characters kind of begins and it loses some of the more complexities) but thats because its just not the focus of the story! the story is more about what they go through together, and thats fine! thats what our shows kind of were at the time. not saying there isnt any relationship growth, but its very much not the focus because these turtles? they already understand each other in a healthy way.

so to me, these guys are kind of the most wholesome family unit

#tmnt #tmnt 03 #tmnt 2k3 #tmnt 2003 #2003 tmnt #can you tell im in my late 20s #lmao #this is why i did the silly st thing #cuz its relatable #thoughts

[teyammybeloved]

heyyy I saw your fanfic about the mental health and depression things and I would loveeee if you would write one about the reader self harming and Miguel finds out and comforts them🧡 I’ve struggled with self harm and depression and your fics help so much!

JUST HOLD ON

miguel o’hara

summary; miguel’s heart breaks when he finds out what you do to yourself

warnings; mentions of self harm, comfort, swearing, could be very poorly written and im so so so sorry if it is xx

an; thank you for requesting, i want to remind everyone that i am in NO WAY romanticising self harm or mental health problems, i wanted to make this series to help people who dont have somewhere to go or someone to talk to, these are purely just comfort fics

i also want to say, youre not alone, and i know self harm is a coping mechanism for many, myself included, but there is so many other healthy ways to cope and i want everyone to know that if you ever ever ever need anybody to talk to, im always here and i want to do my best to make sure youre all okay.

long sleeves, jumpers, scafs, bandaids, bracelets. you were always wearing one or the other. miguel never asked why, he thought maybe you just found it more comfortable.

the entire time you and miguel had been dating, and in a relationship, it had been the cold seasons of the year, and now with summer coming in quick, you were stressing.

miguel isn’t stupid, he would wonder why you’re wearing a jumper or a long sleeve in ridiculous heat, he would question it, and that set you off in a panic.

it was fine, during the day when miguel was at the HQ doing his spider business, but when he got home, your mind went crazy.

although, to you, you did a good job hiding it.

“im home!” miguel says, your eyes widen as you get off the couch quickly, “one sec!” you reply, running up to your bedroom to get a jumper, quickly throwing on the first one you can find, you go back to meet miguel.

you wrap your arms around him, he does the same, squeezing you tightly. “how was your day?” you ask, as you let go of him, walking to the kitchen to start with dinner.

“not bad.. newbies are always rough” miguel says softly, leaning against the wall in the kitchen. “baby” he says softly.

you hum in response, occupied by cutting vegetables. “why do you have the AC on, while wearing a jumper?” he wasn’t mad, he was genuinely just wondering.

regardless you freak, trying to come up with an explanation, “my top half was cold” you say, shrugging.

miguel laughs, “do you need some help?” he says, leaning off of the wall to come up next to you,

“yes, boil some water”

miguel wasn’t stupid. he knew you better then he knew himself, and he knew your top half was always hotter then your bottom half, you were always wearing pants and rubbing your sleeves over your legs.

so he was confused.

it had been like this for a while now, little things would concern miguel but he didn’t want to bring them up, incase they were nothing.

today was weird though, while you were still asleep, in bed, miguel had to get ready for the day, looking in the laundry for a pair of socks, he finds one of your tshirts.

he ignored it at first, before he saw the red stains along the sleeves, his mind first went to, ‘that time of the month’ but you don’t get that in your arm.

he frowns, confused. deciding to figure it out later.

“lyla, do you know whats up with y/n” he asks softly, trying to stay focused on his work, but concern filled his body.

“what do you mean” she asks back, miguel sighs. “tell a soul, and i will literally end your existence” he says, “okok! just say it”

“i don’t think ive ever seen y/n’s arms”

“you think she doesn’t have arms?”

“no- shut up. like shes always wearing long sleeves, or jumpers, or her wrists are covered in bracelets.”

“oh miguel” lyla frowns. “what- what does that mean”

“obviously i cant be 100% sure, i don’t know personally, but it very much could be her trying to hide something..” she says.

“what?” miguel asks, shaking his head “hide what?”

“this isn’t my place to tell, just talk to her”

when miguel came home that evening, he was even more confused and concerned then he was when he left in the morning. he called out, but didn’t get a response, he hums.

he finds you in the living room, asleep on the couch, he smiles softly before he notices your arm.

no long sleeve, no jumper, no bracelets.

his eyes widen as he looks at the blood stains on your arm, the tissue in your other hand, covered in blood. if it was just one miguel would just assume it was an accident.

but he sees it, all of it, the numerous scas, fresh and old cuts, he can feel his stomach drop. next to the paper he finds a small razor, he picks it up quickly, throwing it out before he comes back, taking a deep breath.

“y/n” he says softly, you were a light sleeper, “mm?” you reply, until something must of clicked in your brain.

you sit up quickly, pulling you arm to your chest, youre pale like you have seen a ghost, miguel is heartbroken.

“come with me” he says softly, you pause for a minute as he starts walking, but when he turns around to you, you stand up and follow him.

into your bedroom, he tells you to sit on the bed, before he goes into the bathroom for a moment. “miguel- im sorry” you finally say.

he doesn’t reply, coming out with a first aid kit, kneeling on the ground in front of you. wiping your arm, so damn gently.

he continues to clean and bandage your arm, without saying anything before he sits next to you on the bed.

you have tears in your ears, and a yuck feeling in your stomach, “come here” miguel says, lifting you onto his lap, facing him, he wraps his arms around you.

“im sorry, miggy”

“don’t apologise baby, you don’t have to feel bad about this okay? you have done nothing wrong”

“i-“

“i want you to know, im here, im going to be here regardless of what happens, okay? this isn’t healthy, baby. but i know its a coping mechanism for you, we just gotta find a healthier one, together yeah?”

“yeah” you say softly, buried in his neck.

“i hate knowing you’ve been hurting yourself baby, someone is hurting my special girl, and i had no idea” he says, looking at you as he moves your hair behind your ear.

you frown, as you look up at him. “no more” you say.

“no more” he agrees.

“i want you to promise me, that if you need me or ever think about doing it again, you will get me straight away, i don’t care whats happening or what im doing, youre my priority, always”

“i love you miggy, i promise”

“i love you too, cmon, lets get you changed then watch allll the rom coms you want” he says, kissing your face.

#miguel x you #spiderverse miguel #miguel x y/n #miguel ohara #miguel spiderverse #miguel x reader #miguel 2099 #atsv miguel #miguel o’hara fluff #miguel o’hara x y/n #miguel o’hara x reader #miguel o’hara x you #miguel o’hara fanfiction #miguel spiderman #miguel o'hara #miguel smut #mental health awareness

[writterings]

hmm i wasn't going to post this but im seeing responses on that poll i dont agree with so now im posting this

tbh i understand that for some people, picking up on social subtext and unspoken cues is hard but at the same time i do think it's a valuable form of communication that shouldn't be disregarded, especially because i don't think it's healthy to have to communicate directly every single one of your wants and needs to a person who you've known for a while.

like, after a few years i do genuinely think some things should be anticipated without the other person having to state directly what they are because this anticipation shows 1) that you listen to the person 2) shows that you also pick up on things about them without them having to say anything, meaning you are curious about them and are considerate of them and 3) a lot of people cannot and will not always be honest in communicating their wants and needs and, sure, some may argue that's the other person's problem but oftentimes it does not come from a place of malice but a consideration for your feelings -- i.e. they value your wants and needs above theirs and thus don't want to voice their wants and needs because you seem pretty happy accepting them just doing whatever you want -- which, imo, also shows a lack of consideration for them. and sure, that's "technically" not your problem but do you care about this person? are you an advocate for mental health, even when the person shows symptoms you don't like? cause that's what's happening here.

and this obviously is not one size fits all and if you think your relationships would not be able to function like this, that's perfectly okay and you are right in a relative sense. i just find that this is how a lot of relationships function and i personally could never be in a relationship where i have to constantly communicate every single need i have (like, i.e., if i just worked a full day and have told you i'm exhausted, that should be communication enough that i don't want to be asked to go to the store with you or whatever. and again, if this isn't your communication style, that's fine -- it just means people like me and people like you probably shouldn't date.)

[bibberbang]

i dont reblog those posts about how hard it is to have moralizing ocd in online spaces, even though i deeply resonate with them. ironically, i can only talk to 2 people about my ocd, because one of my obsessions is that other people will assume im using my mental health as a shield against criticism if i talk about it. therefore, if i talk about my ocd in any circumstance, my brain believes that i'm already doing something immoral

basically, most of my obsessions resolve around people assuming bad faith of me or that i'm somehow secretly an irredeemably bad person, no matter how hard i try to be good. i am a bad person if i dont reblog posts about serious topics, spend every waking moment thinking about extremely serious topics, or make any social mistakes whatsoever (which is scary because i'm also autistic). i believe that i am irredeemable if i make a small mistake, and i often think all my friends are waiting for me to make a mistake so that they can attack me, and that my life will be ruined if i fuck up. im constantly scanning all my interests (and people i know) for the tiniest imperfections (far beyond healthy amounts of criticism in your interests) out of fear that liking anything or anyone makes me a horrible person. if you dont take a side on this lgbt label discourse, then youre a bigot! im ALWAYS mentally preparing responses and apologies to totally theoretical situations of people being upset with me. i have intrusive thoughts about doing the immoral things that scare me most.

the problem is, *talking about* any of these thoughts invites people who will actually bad faith me. "if youre so worried about this stuff, then you must have something to hide! you just want to avoid accountability!" they make your obsession a reality by accusing you of the exact thing you fear most. none of these thoughts are reasonable or realistic, and i know that. i know that i'm mentally ill. i know logically that i'm as good a person as anyone else. when i actually do make a mistake, i stay level-headed and apologize, acknowledge what i did wrong, and change my behavior

but there is a large part of me that does not want to heal from my ocd, because i believe constant self-monitoring and self-critique is the only thing preventing me from becoming a horrible person

there is nothing i want more in this world than to be a good altruistic human being who is capable of growth, but spending weeks trapped in thought loops analyzing all my behaviors for the smallest signs of a mistake will not help me be a better person. it makes me a worse friend. it drains my energy so that i dont have the mental capacity to actually spend time being kind to others. i reread this post many times while writing it to make sure i didnt accidentally write 6 different slurs. but i can't figure out how to heal. what the fuck do i do about this

this is incredibly hard for me to write about. i'm fighting the urge to delete this post as you read it. i cant stress how debilitating this is for me, it is the biggest hurdle in my life and it sucks away days worth of my time and energy. i will become trapped in thought-loops THE SECOND im not kept sufficiently busy and stimulated by tv/music/my bf/being out of the house somewhere/etc. so much of my life is wasted wanting to be good, that i dont get a chance to actually live the life of a good person

i really hope this post resonates with someone. ive only met a few other people who have this particular kind of ocd, and its extremely isolating. but i want to try to heal from it, and i know the first step to healing is talking about it

#have you ever noticed how i'll add addendums in the tags of my posts where i'll clarify EXACTLY what the post was about? #i do that bc of my obsession that some1 will screenshot something i say out of context and make me look horrible #this is not just a Go Outside problem btw. i know a lot of the examples i gave were internet related #but ive had ocd since i was a child. the other half of my symptoms are health related #like obsessions about emetophobia. or food being contaminated or making me sick. or other physical illness #ppl assume ocd is just washing your hands and not wanting to be touched. naur. i wash my hands a normal amount and i love being touched #so i didnt believe i could have ocd for a long time cuz i didnt fit the stereotype. even though it was incredibly obvious and debilitating #amygdalae #ocd #actually ocd

[lisaas2418]

HEYA I AM BACK

And I begin my posting with some Yuu Angst, you're welcome 😁

So we know that GameYuu has it really rough there is no debate. Well imagine this and even more trauma and struggle.

Congrats thats my Yuusona.

So with the prolouge alone they got already traumatized.

1. Suddenly getting in contact with a carriage that comes out of nowhere and almost getting burned alive

2. Finding out that you are stuck in a world with magic and having almost no where to defend yourself against it.

3. Having to live in an not ideal dorm, which has dust all over the place and a broken roof. With ghosts residing in them, which is not normal in your world

4. Going in that wretched cave at night which is scary

5. The fucking Blotmonster and almost dying to it. (The real realization on almost dying comes when you try to sleep)

Now some basic things all over the chapters:

1. The fucking overblots which you get a few nightmares from.

2. On some occasions getting blackmailed by the headmage who is responsible for you (even though you blackmail him back)

3. Constantly missing those you love in the other world, worrying sick about them and losing your mind over how they feel

4. Your damm mental health being like a roller coster

5. The backstories

And now for the chapters 🙂

Heartslabuyl:

1. Being suddendly in a weird vivid dream that doesnt make sense at first

2. Some tyrant trying to insult your family

3. Getting a scar underneath your left eye from sharp bushes you protected your friend from

(Not much yet)

Savanaclaw

(Dreams getting more used to)

1. Getting a LONG scar on your right side of your body

2. Getting a head concussion on this a sports game you didnt even wanted to be there.

Octavinelle

(That one cave dream)

1. The twins...no more said

2. Becoming homeless and having no choice but to win a bet or you'll be a servant

3. Sleep problems

4. Getting your leg broken

Scarabia

(Why are the great seven mostly insane??)

1. Getting kidnapped in a sense

2. Getting hypnotized even if it was only for 5 seconds

3. Having a heatstroke

4. Being thrown into the cold part of the dessert

5. Getting cuts on your arm due to long overblot and healing constantly

Pormefiere

1. Some dormleader decided to curse your food

2. Attempting to drink the poisened apple juice yourself (but someone came first)

3. Constantly coughing blood

4. Feeling so weak you cant do shit during the fight

5. Getting scratched by your monster cat who was influenced by blot but then disappeared

Ignihyde

(Now it gets worse with the journey)

1. Not able to see your best friend

2. Felling so bad and guilty over everything you isolate yourself until the meeting

3. Your house being invaded amd destroyed by strangers

4. Almost overbloting yourself in rage of seeing your friends hurt or scared

5. Getting kidnapped (again)

6. Having to retell everything that happened regarding blots

7. Just finding out the world could end if you dont stop thesee two idiot

8. Having to watch your friends fight robots and blot monster but being unable to help them due to your blot being gone

9. Being physically and emotionally tired

10. Falling into the pit (bit being saved by your blot just in time)

11. Your legs being numb and not being able to move them

12. Coming back only to realize who will overblot next

Diasomia (I know its not finished yet, but this is how I would see it, I make future changes if needed)

1. Knowing a really close friend will overblot

2. The feeling of missing your world but feeling at home in this one clashing together (it sucks)

3. Starting to believe that all the overblots have been trigered by your presence

4. Repressing all your emotions and still trying to be there for your dragon friend and hoping to change fate by promising to always be there for him, only for him to break your trust by doing this stupid idea

5. Being stuck in a dream while some blot thing mist almost always being there

6. Repressing emotions and constantly putting yourself aside even if the people around you seeing your pain but you are brushing it off as "nothing new"

7. Having to deal with faes being mean to you for no reason but because you are a human

8. Overblotting due to repressed pain

9. Being in coma for 2 months

10. Seeing the person you trusted so much before, not able to forgive him any time soon

And thats not including the events

So yeah my Yuusona had it rough. They were only able to forgive Malleus after 2 months (ironiclly).

Now you might ask why would I come back from a long break and my first post would be Angst. Well cuz I wanted too

See ya next time 😊

#twisted wonderland #twst yuu #angst

[kichikichiko]

Exhaustion

Fanfic for all but specifically written for my wonderful and amazing @hitomisuzuya

You need to take better care of yourself dear :(( I hope this little fanfic could give you a bit of comfort, or even make you smile. Anything is enough truly ❤️

Tighnari x fem!reader who overworks herself and is exhausted

Petnames used, fluff, not proofread, worried Tighnari

♡♡♡♡

You were exhausted, tired and sleepy. Your sleep schedule has gone haywire and you barely remember the last time you actually slept on your comfy bed instead of your wooden desk, stacked with papers

Working on papers for the akademiya was fun at first, but slowly became unbearable. Your papers were getting rejected left and right, making you think you should just quit being a student in that horrid school all together.

You knew better than to do that, being a scholar was your dream since you were a little girl. You simply couldn't give up now.

Being focused on forcing your eyes to stay open, and trying hard to not make your handwriting sloppy. You didnt realise a certain fennec fox leaning against the doorframe of your room. He knew you'd been working day and night to submit a paper that was deemed worthy by the akademiya in fact, he saw you from your window earlier that day still reading notes and writing them down.

The fox looked at you from behind, not saying a word not wanting to disturb your state. He softened his gaze and slowly walked towards you

"Sunflower, its time you go sleep. Youve been on your desk since 5 PM, come on lets go" placing his hands gently on your shoulders in fear of startling you.

"Hmmm" was your response, not looking away from your paper and reference documents. You CLEARLY werent listening to him and you CLEARLY wont end up sleeping

Your halfassed response caused ypur boyfriend to frown and scoff. Looks like you've awaken his sassy personality now.

He pushed your chair away fron the desk, making you face him "youre not listening to me dear"

Without letting you spit back a response or give another excuse the man carried you bridal style and made his way to your bed

"Tighnari let me go! My paper isn't finished just let me-"

"No. No means no. Did you not hear me? Youve been working since 5 PM its almost 12 and if I dont stop you now youll probably work till next morning." He cut you off and placed you down on your bed

Him cutting you off made you sigh. You knew he had a point, and you were too tired to fight back anyways.

"Look, I know finishing that paper is top priority to you, but taking care of yourself is more of a top priority love. I dont want you getting sick that will be a big problem"

You stayed silent, looking down at your hands, playing with your finger nails. It was pretty much a habit you did when you didnt know what to say or do. A habit Tighnari is all too familiar with

He kissed you on your forehead and leaned his forehead on yours "please just rest up. Im worried about your health sunflower" his voice was filled with uncertainty that you'd take his advice to heart and boarderline upset that you're exhausted, working day and night in end.

Your eyes widen slightly before you smiled a bit, placing a hand on his cheek, carefully and weakly caressing it. "Alright Nari, you win." You started before pulling away and looking at him still smiling

Your eyes showed evidence of fatigue and yet, a hint of shimmer in your eyes still remain, reassuing Tighnari that the "you" he knew was still there.

He tucked you into bed before sliding in and cuddling with you

"Goodnight Tighnari"

"Goodnight my sunflower"

#genshin fanfic #x reader #fanfic #tighnari x you #tighnari x reader #genshin tighnari #tighnari #tighnari x y/n #genshin imagines #genshin impact #kichifanficsfw #tighnari fluff #genshin fluff #genshin x reader

[strawbs-screaming]

ranking the boxers abilities to cook, worst to best (Wii)

yeah dont take this seriously im evil

Aran Ryan - my god this man needs to be kept away from the kitchen, he sets everything on fire so much that he forgets what hes cooking and fucks it up

Soda Popinski - He def adds soda to everything, mind you soda probably wont go well with bread, he can make a mean stew though

Bear Hugger - dude, he just eats the ingredients raw and calls it a day, thats okay to some extent with lettuce, tomato,Apples, stuff like that, but get meat and eggs involved and it gets worse, unless hes out in the wilderness with a pot and a very shitty campfire, hes not making anything edible

Bald Bull - He can make some basic meals + some traditional dishes if hes looking at a recipe, its not really the best but its not inedible either, there are some hes really good at

Mr Sandman - He used to be as bad as aran with it, but he actually learned how to get better, especially at baking, he used to be a better cook during his teen years but he got rusty since he didnt practice enough thanks to boxing getting in his way

Disco Kid - He used to work as a cook so he has some remaining knowledge from those days, hes very good with vegetables and fruit, not much other than that though

King Hippo - Hippo island has a huge culture built around cooking, And hes no exception! He has studied cooking for years and still does, he has a soft spot for sweets and usually makes dessert, hes good at other kinds of cooking too

Great Tiger - He learnt cooking at a young age since he wanted to help out his parents and be a bit more responsible, so he practiced cooking a lot and got pretty decent at it

Don Flamenco - actually learnt how to properly cook when he first met carmen, She didnt like how he couldnt even make a proper salad without setting anything on fire so she taught him how to cook better, to this day, they still cook together and Don still somehow manages to fuck up something, still good at it though.

Piston Hondo - He had a love for cooking for a long time and still loves it very much, he always cooked with his mom and thinks of it as a fun way to pass time or prepare for matches (dont ask how it just helps)

Von Kaiser - give this man a grill and he'll cook up a feast without you even needing to finish your sentence, he learnt how to cook to take better care of his health since he had a bunch of health problems related to blood pressure and his doctor recommended him to eat healthier

Super Macho Man - this might be suprising but hes actually a great cook! He didnt bother hiring a cook for him since he thought it would be lame, he takes cooking classes weekly so hes rapidly improving

Glass joe - hes a slut for bread, specifically homemade bread, i think that tells you enough

#punch out #headcanon #punch out headcanons #punch out wii #aran ryan #bald bull #don flamenco #piston hondo #glass joe #great tiger

[sadboi-writer]

Hello there :)

I just want to say that I am very new to tumblr and i dont know how this works haha

Can I request a connor murphy x reader where the reader stands up for him in the cafeteria at the first day of school? And that the reader kinda struggles with their mental health and they just comfort each other and stuff? I hope that's okay :)

An Angel In Disguise

Connor Murphy x Reader

Warnings: Cussing, mention of suicide

Summary: When Derek Fulton takes it upon himself to call out the "freak" of the school it's not Evan Hansen or Jared Kleinman who sticks up for Connor. No, it's the newest student at the school Y/N L/N who wrecks Derek's pride and defends the broody boy. Maybe it's because they can clock Connor's problems from a mile away.

A/N: Hello everyone! I'm so sorry for not writing in so long! I got really caught up in the first musical of my senior year. But, I'm on thanksgiving break now so I'll try to get out as many requests as I can!

A sigh fell from their lips.

Too loud. Y/N thought as they pushed through the crowd of students fighting to get to their first hours.

Looking down at their schedule Y/N saw the locker number and combination written on it by the counselor. They found it, but there were already four guys in front of it.

One was blond, he was wearing a blue shirt, and he looked nervous. Another had brown curly hair and boxy glasses, he wore a Galaga t-shirt under a black starry button down. Another looked like a stereotypical jock, letterman jacket, red close cropped hair, and a fuck-boy face. The fourth guy had longer brown hair, it was down to his shoulders, and he was wearing layers of grey and black.

It looked like the jock was giving them some trouble. Y/N rolled their eyes, So fucking cliche, they thought.

Y/N approached their locker, and the jock eyed them warily.

"Just kill yourself, Murphy." He said, seemingly to the longer haired one

Y/N straightened their shoulders, turning to the small group. Before the jock could continue Y/N placed a hand on his chest, pushing him away from the boys.

"Ew. No, sir." Y/N snapped, "Who the fuck do you think you are to say that to someone? How about you do everyone a favor, apologize to him, and then go learn how to be a decent person."

"And who are you?" The guy growled

Y/N smiled, "Y/N L/N. And your worst nightmare if you don't turn around and apologize to the tree that gave you the air to say that."

The jock huffed and walked away. Y/N turned back to the other boys. The proclaimed “Murphy” was staring at the ground. 

“So, he’s a complete asshole, huh?” Y/N commented

The boy in blue nodded, “Y-Yeah. Uh, thank you.”

Y/N softened at the nervousness of the boys. The one in the starry button down was looking anywhere but at Y/N. They stepped forward and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Are you guys okay?” Y/N asked softly

“Uhm, yeah.” said button down boy

“Murphy?” Y/N cooed

He looked up, he was fighting back tears. Y/N could tell, they’d done that so many times. He was trying to not cry in front of his friends. 

“I’m fine.” He mumbled

Y/N nodded, “I’ll walk with you to class.”

The other two boys waved and walked away. Y/N took “Murphy”’s hand and walked him out to the front steps. A look of confusion donning his face. Y/N sat and patted the spot next to them.

“Don’t listen to that guy.” Y/N said, “He’s an asshole who wants to make you miserable because he doesn’t want anyone to be happy.”

He shook his head, “I wasn’t gonna-”

“Yes you were,” Y/N gave him a look, “I’ve been there, dude. It gets to be too much, doesn’t it?”

He was silent for a moment.

“Yeah.”

His response was quiet, almost inaudible. Y/N looked over and saw the tears had finally been released. 

“It just feels like it would be so much easier. That so many people would be so much happier without me.” 

Y/N nodded, they had been there. Had felt that exact thing.

“But they wouldn’t. Your friends? Those boys from the hall? Would be absolutely devastated.” Y/N replied, “Your parents would be crushed. All of your teachers would ask how they could’ve helped you more. Peers? They would think back on every single thing they said to you and regret not talking to you more. It seems easier, but it isn’t.”

He was silent, tears flowing. And Y/N wrapped their arm around his shoulder.

“It’ll pass. You wanna know how I know? Because I’ve been there.” Y/N continued, “There will be highs and lows. Times where all you want to do is go to sleep and not wake up. But, every day that you wake up and cope with all of those emotions. You’re winning a battle. A battle for your future. A future that is so, so bright.”

He sniffled, “Thank you.”

Y/N pulled him against them and let him cry into their shirt. And there they stayed for the rest of first hour. A new friendship blossoming.

#dear evan hansen #dear evan hansen x reader #evan hansen #connor murphy #jared kleinman #connor murphy x reader

[fortunatelyenchantingtaco]

I know Geto is like a big sore spote in the whole fandom and i might be a bit insane, but i do love his story specifically because i dont think there is a way to fix it

We are being shown that well, he got really depressed and went into self isolation. In most cases, the best course of action would be to remove him from distress and have time to heal. The issue is that Geto couldnt just leave — he believes he needs to kill curses, and to become stronger he needs to eat them which distresses him further, and if he leaves people will die, and he cant ignore that just to keep himself sane. For a man like him if he head a specific goal to become strong for, i dont think the eating process would have been such a big issue, but we have to have a big distinction that jujutsu sorcerer is, at the end of the day, a profession. You’re not a chosen superhero to save the world. Those growing up in clans may have a worse childhood, but growing up with understanding that yes curses exist its part of nature does make it easier to bear. Which is one of reason why Gojo, even while having all the trauma, didnt have such gripes with reasons or goals — this is a life he was born into.

Thinking of sorcery as more than a job makes you perceive yourself as more of a hero, and heroes are good and just and get recognition. Non sorcerers dont know about them. Geto fell into a trap of doing something for others and despairing. Its easier not to think about that shit when you’re naturally good at it, and you have fun — which is why Amanai situation and Gojo becoming stronger was so bad. Now he went on missions alone, which meant no company to distract him, and now it was no longer all fun shits and giggles, its a job full of tragedies. Considering Gojo was targeted since birth, we can assume he killed people before Toji, death is, unfortunately, familiar to him. Not for Geto — not seeing someone you care about die right before you, and certainly not being that close to death himself. He’s not longer the best at it, and its no longer fun, and he gets no recognition. Tobe precise, those are not bad thinks to want — we all want them. But if you dont get them here he would have been better to ya know. Find another job probably

Like the worst part about this whole thing is that some shit like that would have happened eventually one way or another, they’re not invincible. Childhood would eventually end, and in a way Geto spiraling is inevitable. The system is inherently flawed, and the issue they deal with is cruel. Some jobs are much more dangerous and have a detrimental effect on your mental health — its just that no one thought to give jujustu sorcerers some help, which is another problem. Adding the fact that he’s neither a saviour being thanked by everyone, or a strongest, yeah, he can’t figure out how to do this shit.

In AUs, I do think there are ways he could have handled it. Like if Gojo wasn’tin school, maybe he took his whole education with the clan? Or my au where he’s in a prison realm for centuries? Like yeah, sure, if Geto was the strongest, the only person here, i do think he would have probably felt invaluable. Youre great for your profession, you were born for it, why would you leave?

This may be projecting, but i do think his way of thinking about it is inherently flawed, a very slippery slope. People need a goal, a meaning, but looking for it outward is a sure way to get yourself into a slump, I went through this shit in a nasty manner when everything i did revolved around other people. Basing your decisions on what others would think is an easy way to pretend like its not your responsibility. This is why Gojo tells Megumi to be selfish and this is why during the entrance exams Yaga says that others wont appreciate your actions and you cant base your motivations off others.

Thats the ultimate tragedy, the fact that thinking like Geto did is ridiculously easy. You go into uni on the same course as your friend just to be with them and when something goes wrong your first thought would be that you did that for them, even thought its your life choices and decision. Yeah.

I have no conclusions for you, just some ramblings. I like my Geto mean and fucked up and insecure, makes him so real and relatable as a person.

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #geto suguru #jjk analysis #yeah #i dont think gojo could have fixed it #or anyone #or even absence of toji and happy ending for amanai #i think this would have happened one way or another #i know many would say im probably too hard on geto #im projecting i agree #but also its so fucking easy to think others owe you shit for your actions #so then when you get nothing its hurts worse #in a way #geto solved thst problem with his genocide #gave himself meaning #good for mental health #bad for everything else #tbf #life is fucked up and horrible and his way of survival is just one of them #but personally i judge #just because i was there and it makes me feel too mych

[taisoleil]

Rahu, Saturn, Dopamine, Serotonin, and Persistence: Part 1 - Rahu

Snippets are on my site here: https://www.taisoleil.com/articles/2023/8/29/rahu-saturn-dopamine-serotonin-and-persistence

Full 3 part series expanding on Rahu and Saturn in houses can be found exclusively on my Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/88358089?utm_campaign=postshare_creator

Just a theory I wanna share:

Rahu = dopamine

Saturn = serotonin

Rahu is the short term pleasure that’s addictive like dopamine. Saturn is the long term pleasure that isn’t addictive. It’s serotonin. Serotonin also regulates you. Rahu always wants more. This isn’t to say dopamine nor Rahu is bad! It’s nice to have a nice treat after a long day of work that’ll pay off soon. If Saturn is the planet that controls Rahu and also the planet that wants long term results..it makes it that much easier to do things that stimulate more dopamine than serotonin. This is Saturns biproduct of long term work being very boring and leading you to do more short term pleasures that are more meaningless than meaningful.

This is Saturns biproduct of long term work being very boring and leading you to do more short term pleasures that are more meaningless than meaningful. This is also the loophole because Saturn places obstacles and requires Rahu breaks so you won’t become depressed on a long journey. Low serotonin causes depression. A Saturnian theme. Also serotonin helps bone health. Saturn is the bones 🦴

The goal here is not to erase dopamine, it’s to redirect it. What’s the little things that make you happy?

1H Rahu: Addicted to things that may make you feel good about yourself. Another thing would be being obsessed with things that affirm you. Masking yourself.

2H Rahu: You may have a spending or gambling addiction. You may spend to a point where you wonder where your money is going.

3H Rahu: Social media addiction and chronically online syndrome. This MAY or may not be you. Everyone has this problem to a degree anyway. For you, it may be in a worse case.

4H Rahu: You want relationships and to do nice things, but it seems some of you can’t help being a homebody. It may seem like every time you want to go out, it seems like something keeps you back at home curled up and to yourself.

5H Rahu: Is the type of fun you’re having a good fun or a destructive fun? Enjoying yourself doesn’t always have to be where you’re always maxing out on something.

6H Rahu: Ahh. The workaholic. Are you working because you enjoy it or because you feel like you have to to enjoy other parts of life?

7H Rahu: Addicted to commitments that may or may not be worth your time. Because of time, you stick with it.

8H Rahu: A possible person obsessed with the worst. Make sure you’re not always thinking about the worst case scenario. You may be someone who doesn’t even realize they’re being negative because that’s how you deal with life.

9H Rahu: Wanderlust. Maybe there’s no place like home because you may not feel home much of anywhere.

10H Rahu: I don’t wanna say everyone with this placement loves attention, but some of you may got a knack for public approval, or some sort of mass appreciation.

11H Rahu: You may have those friends that know you have shit to do, but can be distracting intentionally or not.

12H Rahu: If you can’t figure something out immediately, you may settle into whatever you’ve been given, even if it’s scraps. As long as you dont know, you don’t have to be responsible right?

#astrology #astro #zodiac #astrology transits #sidereal astrology #transits #astrology observations #astro observations #vedic astro observations #rahu #north node

[etherealsign282]

In terms of high school posting, i feel so disconnected from posts about stories with makeup and friendships and parties and cliques and stereotypical goofy drama because I never had a gaggle of friends to gossip to about that shit. But I'm also too disconnected from posts about hardass rebelling, emo problems, loud music and "shut up mom, I'm brooding!". Getting into fights and getting arrested and running away from home and purposely being a loner.

I can relate to the posts about being bullied, but that's it. And sometimes, not even then because it's about someone being too geeky and nerdy and smart. Or talking about being weird but "omg he likes anime" weird, or good old "pretending to be a cat" weird, not "there isn't even a stereotypical label to describe them" weird.

I was emo and a geek and had a cat phase but nobody cared about that, they cared about treating me like shit because I was weird weird, and lacked social skills and was confused on how to human, which turned out to be because of autism mixed with undiagnosed mental health problems.

I never see any relatable 'tism/ND posting about being the weird kid,

Who has maybe two equally weird/labeled by the school as "developmentally disabled" friends (probably should have been a sign for me that I was different since neurodivergent people tend to gravitate toward other neurodivergent people),

That gets taken advantage of by the "normal" "cool" people,

That isn't really aware of social cues, social standards, or social cliques- basically anything that has societal rules

Who doesn't get into real crushes or relationship stuff that isn't exploitation (or ND dating where nothing happens except awkward hangouts),

Who doesn't really get anything ever and moves through school on autopilot, trying to figure stuff on our own bc we don't want to look incapable and ask for help but then we end up super behind and everyone labels you as lazy and "dumb",

Who tries to do things that might get attention bc we don't understand how to interact, but usually ends up with negative responses,

That then holes up inside with our personal hyperfixations in the hope we stop being noticed, but now we're known as the idiot weirdo so we have "no choice" but to be picked on bc we made it known we aren't normal,

And our anguish is seen as dramatic or not serious enough because we're too "stupid" to be depressed, so we're seen as even more of a joke than emos, even by emos,

And aren't officially diagnosed with the 'tism or any other neurodivergency (mostly because "people with autism are smart and you're failing your classes and dont understand anything ever" stereotype) for anybody to be fake nice and pity this "stupidity " of ours, via specific school and social worker orders.

So if you were or are one of those kids, this one is for you. Shout out to all my neurodivergent friends who feel like they can't relate to any posts about crazy high school stories, because yall masked or interacted the wrong way and it made people bully or abandon you , while you sat wondering what the hell you did so wrong. And because you don't or didn't do the stigmatized versions of being weird, something "must" be actually wrong with you because you're even more hated than if you put "cat girl", "anime guy", and "emo bitch" all together.

(Esp to afabs, since doctors were and are still very insistent to not diagnose us with autism and we're usually the ones that get no sympathy as a result because we're just psycho weird girlies to everyone else)

*BTW not knocking or competing with anybody that has the stereotypical tropes of being bullied, this is just a shout out to people who NEVER get noticed*

#autistic experiences #autistic masking #autistic things #actually autistic #autistic community #autistic problems #autistic afab #actually neurodiverse #neurodiverse stuff #social cues #social conditioning #high school #school #its the neurodivergency #neurodivergent problems #outcast #different

[arinavah]

hi arina! how are u doing? i've read your life update before about how you may not be able to do art stuffs due to life circumstances, seeing you open your shop now really brightens my heart! i'm also an artist in a kind of tough situation where i dont have much choice and might have to give up drawing or have difficulty continuing. im wondering how you got thru it? your art updates give me strength and hope! but if u dont feel like sharing, i totally understand. hoping you best and thank you!!

I'm sorry I'm answering this so late, talking about my current life always ruins my mood. (this will be a long whining post, I'm very upset right now so I need to speak out)

Probably we are in different situations, unlike you, drawing is the only thing I can do now. I've  mentioned here before that my grandma had a stroke this summer, my parents live in another city, they come here from time to time. Me and grandma live in Moscow, sooooo, generally, disabled grandma is MY responsibility most of the time. Even though she's making some slow progress in recovering, she's still mostly bed ridden, she can't take care of herself, she can't get up from the bed without help, she barely walks, etc., etc. So we can't leave her alone, and taking care about such helpless person, 24/7 IS HARD. She can wake us up several times at night to go to toilet or whatever, during the day she always wants something and we have to serve her, it really exhaustes me. (I half jokingly say that I unexpectedly became mother of 76 y.o. child, but I've always been child-free, so guess what I'm feeling right now)

Good news: I have some time to draw. To be honest drawing is the only sphere of my life I still can control, it's the only thing bringing me joy. And thankfully some people buy my merch so I can earn some money even in these circumstanses.

Bad news: I lost all freedom I'd had, I can't go anywhere without hiring nurse, I have much less time for work and drawing, I can't properly relax after long day, in fact I can NEVER relax, I can't meet with friends, I can't travel, I have to cancel work trips. Even simple mandane things became very difficult and even impossible because of all these restrictions. I can't find proper words to describe how those restrictions of my freedom make me depressed and devastated, right now my mental health is the worst it's ever been. I cry almost every day, I became hysterical and agressive, I hate my life so much, that the mere thought of spending the rest of my youth living my family's life, not MY OWN LIFE makes me want to kms. At the moment I control nothing in my life, I can't decide where to live, what to do, where to go, absolutely nothing. Probably I will never find a partner, because dating in these life contitions is impossible. Probably I will die alone without any love and friends. Maybe my only destiny is to take care of disabled person.

I'm trying to accept the fact that my life's ended, that I won't have any freedom and any new people around me till she passes away or till one of my parents will take full charge of taking care of her (it will happen in 5 years or so, they have work to finish in another city).

I spend my days solving my family's problems, my grandma's health problems, selling some merch to earn money and drawing some silly things just to ✨feel something✨.  So me being able to draw something in difficult circumstanses is not some heroic thing, I'm not overcoming myself to make art desprite everything, what I'm doing is just...escapism... I want to get lost in my little drawings or in little stories for some time to forget about everything bothering me. Honestly, I'm very happy that I haven't lost ability to draw after everything happened to me this year.

Guys.... sorry for whining, but 2022 ruined my mental state completely... Political situation (fucking Russia 💀💀💀), family situation, I just feel so much hatered for this world, for this universe where none of my dreams will ever come true, where I control nothing, where I have to live someone else's life, where I have no freedom, where I have to be silent, where I have to look at my government's crimes and be silent, where I can't  plan anything, where I can't love who I want (yesterday they accepted "lgbt propaganda" ban law), where I have to live the rest of my life in the country I hate, with a government I hate, isolated, lonely, constricted, attached to disabled person.

My parents keep telling me it's temporary, they don't want me to be a nurse for the rest of my life, everything is gonna be okay, they will solve everything. I don't believe them. Maybe I'm overdramatising, maybe if I get a therapy I'll feel better and less pessimistic about my future, but for now... I feel terrible. So, if drawing makes me feel a little bit better, then I'll continue to draw.

#Ask #Sorry for whining

[coyotegirl-domestic-terrorism]

as a psych patient, i have really mixed feelings on psychiatry, to be quite honest.

its confusing because like the psychiatric industry is used to drug and abuse people who don't conform to social norms and the dsm is bullshit but that doesnt mean mental health conditions just dont exist either. like just because tons of people who oppose traditional ideas get labeled "depressed" or "schizophrenic" to drug them into conformity doesnt mean that my experiences with psychosis arent distressing and abnormal, or that my trauma responses arent maladaptive. I'm on anxiety meds at the moment and they actually have helped with my severe anxiety that makes it literally impossible to do anything (although the side effects are really bad so im probably gonna get off them soon)

and then there are psych wards. i have been voluntarily admitted to a mental hospital before, and it sure as hell won't be my last time being admitted.

i am fundamentally opposed to forcing people to recover or be admitted to programs and facilities against their will. at the end of the day i am pro-recovery, but like if you want to engage in a dangerous/self destructive behavior and dont want to recover i mean okay i guess? its your body i dont have a control over it, regardless of the fact i think its not good. a lot of the problem with psych facilities, especially inpatient ones, is that due to the whole not having basic rights thing the nurses can quite literally do whatever the fuck they want. psych nurses literally break the law regularly and you cant do shit about it.

i went to the best inpatient facility in my state, and i watched a severely traumatized 13 year old boy be beaten up and restrained on multiple occasions, one of said times was because he requested to engage in a coping strategy that helped him and wasnt harmful, and the staff refused, and since the kid had violent outbursts, he, yknow, got violent. oh yeah after assaulting the kid and forcing him into the restraining chair they yelled at him for it too. another patient signed something that said they would have to let him out after 3 days. the staff "lost" the paper because they wanted to keep him longer.

i will say, overall these things were not a constant and the admission was surprisingly helpful (i severely needed a break from reality and it did provide that) but like the fact that i went to literally the best place in my state and psychiatric abuse still went on in there says a lot about the state of psychiatry.

overall, im not like completely anti-psychiatry (just mostly) because it has helped people, including myself, but i am absolutely for abolition/large scale reform.

#anti psych #psych abuse #psych abuse tw #institutional abuse #anti psychiatry #psych ward