#i haven't been active today because i was in a really bad mood

[bangchansgirlsblog]

Sweet Angel 👼

Part two:

Told y’all I had it somewhere 😒

**

Her sobs were muffled by the pillow that laid under her head. She had been locked up in her room for the whole night and now it was the next day. She refused to eat, drink or do an anyhting and Chan and the boys were so mad at her they didn't care. Well Ofcourse they did but they wouldn't admit it. I.N was the only one that broke character. He fixed her a plate of food with a cup of juice and made his way up to her room where he knocked and waited.

Her voice was hoarse and her eyes were red. The eye bags hang on the bottom of her eyes looking heavy. She didn't want to talk to anyone. She refused too but I.N was as a stubborn as her and would not leave until he saw her eat.

"Go away," she mumbled when she had realized who it was.

"Open up, it's me. I'm not leaving until you do," I.N said stern but softly. He wanted to be tough but he couldn't. He wouldn't. He was a y aswell and he knew the struggles of not being understood.

"I don't want to talk to you,"

"Well I don't want to talk to you either but here I am, so open up," she debated for a bit before she slowly got up from her bed. Her body ached and her head was banging but she still managed to open the door with her shaky hands.

"Hey," I.N smiled, "I braught you some food, you haven't eaten for hours,"

"I'm not hungry," she spat.

"Well I didn't ask if you were, so here. Eat up," he handed her the plate of food and cup before encouraging her to take a bite.

"Who cooked?" She asked suprised at how good it was.

"I did, is it good? I know I'm not the best at-"

"Thank you I.N," she said softly.

"You're welcome," he felt content and happy now. He could go on with his day knowing he fed her, "I have practice now so I'll talk to you when I get home," he waved her goodbye and left.

She put the plate of food on the table and went back into her bed but she was soon interrupted by a knock on the door once again.

"Who is it?"

"Hey it's Yuna love, your tutor is here," it was her nanny's voice, "Chan says you have to come down for classes,"

"I'll be there in a bit," she replied and got out of bed. She then took a shower and got dressed into something comfortable and made her way downstairs. The tutor was sat in the study room. She really didn't want to be there but she had no choice. 5 hours of her day was going to be spent studying while the other hours were either for her to go for the extra curricular activities that Chan had signed her up for and today she had horse riding in the evening. Even she didn’t believe it.

It was only day 1/3 and Chan had already managed to keep her busy all day.

**

"Do you have your boots?" Yuna asked her after locking up all the rooms and doors. Making sure she didn't leave anything on or opened.

"Yeah I do, can we just go already," she was tired and ready to go.

"Did you pack the bags of snack I made you?"

"Yes Yuna, I did, quit being so overprotective," Y/n laughed, "let's go and get it over with,"

"I know you don't wanna go or be there but atleast act like you care. Don't make Chan's name look bad,"

"Why do people care about his name so much? we have better things to care about," she rolled her eyes and sat in the front sit.

"Because if his name goes bad then you're removed from the best schools and you'll be sent off. So please pretend to atleast care,"

"Fine, whatever,"

When they arrived, she got her horse and started her practice off.

**

"Hey aren't you Chan's little sister?" A squeaky voice asked from behind her. Y/n had just finished her rounds with her horse and she was brushing him up before she could lock him away.

"What does it matter to you?" Y/n asked obviously not in the mood continuing with her cleaning up.

"Oh she's fiesty," another voice commented. The voices were all so similar.

"Hey, aren’t you the one that got suspended for alchohol?" She looked up at the two girls. One had blonde hair while the other had black hair. They both were wearing their riding gear.

"Okay, can you guys fuck off?" Y/n snapped back at them. She was not in the mood to be conversing.

She had been bullied most of her life and when she moved to Korea the bullying got worse once they found out that she was linked to the boys some certain way.

Most girls either wanted to be friends with her because of them or the others completely despised and destroyed her because of it. She hadn’t told anyone about it and she was determined to keep that way.

"Jeez, what crawled up your ass today? Can't take a joke?" They jeered at her, "I honestly thought you would be studying or something...you know? Considering you’re like dumb or something,"

"What the fuck is your problem? Can you leave me alone?" She honestly didn't want problems and she was not looking to man-handle a bunch of blonde snobby kids.

"Ay, with all the money you have and all the attention you have from the boys, you sure do have a big mouth," the girl with tied up hair walked over to her, "we were only trying to be friendly,"

"Cool, thanks. Now go away," she flips them off before putting her stuff away in the bucket.

"Hey Eun, come look at this," she calls over her other friend who smirks and walks up to them.

"What's your horse's name?" Eun asked.

"That doesn't concern you for fucks sake can-" without warning something was thrown at her. Something squishy. Something she wished she could throw back if she wasn't so disgusted by it. Horse poop.

"Geuss they'll have to take the trash out you little shit," the girls spat at her as they turned and walked away giggling.

Y/n was mad. She was so mad tears started to form in her eyes. She wanted to beat their asses really bad but she knew the consequences to her actions.

**

"What happened?" Chan asked worried, “what’s that smell?”

All he got in response was the sound of her feet stomping against the floor then the door slamming. Leaving him and the boys clueless.

#skz imagines #skz comfort #skz x reader #skz angst #bangchan angst #bangchan x reader #bangchan fluff #hwang hyunjin x reader #hwang hyujin imagines #straykids x reader #stray kids angst #stray kids fanfic #stray kids scenarios #stray kids imagines #stray kids x y/n

[hms-no-fun]

i just want you to know that i read... i think Most of godfeels and had to stop because i was not enjoying it. but i think its really good and i really respect what you do. i think it's all too easy for people to mix up "this is not my cup of tea" with "this is bad and/or problematic". they dont take the time to see the artistry in it, why it is what it is, what it might be saying beyond their surface level read and the kneejerk reaction to it.

i also wanted to note that ive always been kind of scared of sharing fanworks for fear of writing "out of character" - and ive also even been afraid of it in original works. character isn't real and concrete, so anyone can decide something's out of character. so your exploration of that concept gives me more confidence as a writer. i really appreciate that and everything else you do. :)

thank you so much for this message! i'm glad you tapped out rather than force your way through something you weren't enjoying, that's a very mature response and something i wish more folks would recognize as a perfectly valid option. in fact i think pushing through and reading long after you've given up on the material, so to speak, is a great way to wind up angry at a writer for having "forced" you to endure such a trying experience. as i've said before, an author can't force you to do anything. you can close the book any time you like.

as far as the tension of "in character/out of character" goes, i think a lot of people in fandom struggle with the fact that "character" is very much in the eye of the beholder. sub-groups form within fandoms based on identities, politics, sexual predilections, etc, and typically gather around the fire that is their particular interpretation of a character. but from within that sub-group, it's rarely considered "an interpretation" so much as the obvious intended truth of the text. it's that intoxicating mood of finding people who share a perspective you rarely see elsewhere, like oh my god, you GET it, finally someone GETS it!

in homestuck fandom, for instance, quite a lot of people hate vriska and think she sucks, with a vocal sub-group of that sub-group still actively beating the drum that everything about her arc after [S] Game Over is the worst part of homestuck. but i love vriska, and my corner of the fandom very much organized around a full-throated defense of her. some folks think homestuck did tavros and gamzee dirty and that this is a fatal flaw in the text; when i countenance these people, i am convinced we read two very different comics. who's right and who's wrong? there are degrees. i can pull out any number of quotes from andrew hussie about the importance of vriska and the weenieness of tavros, but then, authors love to say things, and there's plenty of stories i love in ways that directly oppose to the authors' stated intent. the debate can never end because we are only ever talking about the version of a character or story that exists in our heads, based on the things that stuck with us when we read the thing (however long ago that was-- which is important because i find a LOT of people adamantly defending their headcanons haven't read the source text in a number of years. as time passes, your perception of the media you've experienced in the past morphs and distorts. someone who was right five years ago can be wrong today and not even notice the difference).

something i've realized in the last year is how much godfeels emerged from a very specific milieu, not just in terms of how we interpreted certain characters but in our approach to analyzing and talking about the text altogether. i believe most of the important stuff in godfeels is "in character" in most of the ways that matter, but it's built on a very specific meta that centered vrisrezi and transness and radical leftist politics and experimental hypertext. really, it's a post-Epilogues fanwork even despite the fact that godfeels 1 predates their release by a few weeks. and i think to this day a lot of homestuck fans haven't read the epilogues but have read fandom posts about how terrible they are (quite a lot of which will have either been written by teens, by people who already didn't like homestuck very much, or by one of the regressive stalkery weirdos prominent in the homestuck reddit/discord), and that misapprehension keeps them in the dark about just how many amazing tools the epilogues introduce to the homestuck formula that exponentially expand the expressive possibilities of attentive fanworks. and it of course elides the fact that the homestuck epilogues are a story about being in your 30s. i think we'll be getting a big re-appraisal of the epilogues in 5-10 years. it'll be the "twin peaks: fire walk with me" of homestuck, just you wait.

so these readers see my version of dirk being an unhinged murderous dick to a newly-out trans woman and go "he would never do that." then if i point at the epilogues, they'll say "i didn't read them/they're not even canon/that wasn't in character either." at which point there's nothing really to say, because we have two completely different perceptions of the text. who's right and who's wrong is almost always infinitely subjective, a circumstance that humans are notable for being very good at handling in a mature and politely discursive manner.

so i've got an "author's introduction" to godfeels baking in my docs to provide some context about the meta this story is built on, the milieu it came out of, that sort of thing. it won't make much of a difference in practical terms, but it'll at least be something i can point to.

in any event, thanks for this message. all i ever want is for people to give it an honest shot. i hope you can continue harvesting confidence from wherever it can be found. it takes a lot of audacity and backbone to be an artist, especially when you have something worthwhile to say. remember that you're not writing for the haters, you're writing for the kind of person, like you, who wants to see more stories like the thing you're writing. they're the ones who'll get it, they're the ones who'll stick around long after the haters have lost interest.

#sarahposts #in character #out of character #homestuck #godfeels #fanworks #writing advice #headcanon #fandom #long post

[americas1suiteheart]

Sick Days

[Lemon and Tangerine x GN! Reader (Platonic) ]

[Summary; You've worked with the twins for years now, and whilst they are sharp and get things done rather well, they do have a tendancy to constantly get eachother, including you, sick.]

[Notes; Sorry I haven't been very active. I promise I'll get to those asks soon but this popped into my head and I just really needed to write a full fic.]

[Warnings; Some cursing and mentions of taking over the counter medicine.

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

"Achoo!"

"Bloody fuckin'-hell mate, cover your fuckin' mouth when you sneeze," Tangerine scoffs.

The three of you have been sick since your last mission in Bolivia, you're assuming that one of the twins got coughed on or something, because as always--they were the first to get ill.

And just as always, you were the ones to take care of them at first until you finally got ill.

The first week was horrible.

Tangerine's constant bitching and moaning about how he wanted to be back on missions but still complaining about how he felt like shit, that his nose and body hurt, how his throat was sore, and how terrible of a headache he had. Then he would be upset that Lemon was sitting down bundled up on the couch watching Thomas and Friends and how he wouldn't let Tangerine watch his West Ham game on the television.

Lemon wasn't as bad as Tangerine when it came to getting sick though. Lemon only complained once or twice, every now and then but it wasn't constant. Lemon would only ask if you could bring him a pot of tea if you weren't too busy and maybe some blankets. He was content and hell, he'd even admit happy that he didn't have to go on missions for a few weeks.

And then you got sick.

So now its just been constant sneezing, coughing, sniffling, and groaning. The amount of tissues and tea the three of you have been going through is insane, and you're still the one doing medicine runs.

"Piss off mate, I'll do whatever the fuck I want," Lemon says after blowing his nose.

"If either one of you bicker and babble to eachother again I will personally shoot the both of you in the face," You groan.

You hear a grumble and mutter from Tangerine but don't bother with him because it'll only worsen your already terrible migraine.

You walk to the kitchen, grabbing your favourite mug along with some clove and ginger tea, popping the teabag in and pouring the hot water you had just boiled over it into the mug.

"You did it wrong," Tangerine says, a look of annoyance on his face.

"I'm really not in the mood for your bullshit Tan. If you want it done right then you make it yourself you prick," You bite back, proceeding to the living area.

You walk to the couch Lemon was sitting on, one of his legs taking up the whole couch.

Once he looks away from the television and sees you, he removes his leg and opens up the blankets he was under, inviting you to sit with him in his cozy spot, to which you gladly accept.

You sit comfortably next to Lemon, handing him your mug so he can set it down on the tissue covered side table. I'll have to clean that up later, you thought to yourself.

"Feeling any better, y/n?" Lemon asks.

"Sort of. I've still got a god awful headache and my nose is still runny, but its better than I was a couple days ago so the medicine is working at least. How about you?"

"I'm still stuffy but its beginning to slow down now, I'm glad this bloody thing is starting to bug off already," Lemon replies.

"It's my turn on the telly, let me watch th- Achoo! Fuckin' hell!" Tangerine says, a twinge of annoyance in his voice as he complains like a child.

You and Lemon look at eachother, sighing and deciding to let Tangerine watch his game so he stops whining.

"Fine, but only if you promise to stop bitching, okay?" You say, handing Tangerine the television remote and scooting closer to Lemon to make room for him to sit with you two.

"Hey Tan, who's playing West Ham?" Lemon asks, voice still slightly hoarse.

"Man City today, tomorrow its Brentford. Why?" Tangerine responds, eyes glued to the television as he switches it to the correct channel.

Lemon looks at you with a look on his face, then back at Tangerine.

"No reason in particular,"

Manchester City just so happened to be your favourite team. The last time Man City was against West Ham, Man City won. You also happened to be watching the game with the twins that day, and let's just say that Tangerine was not happy that his team had lost and you were happy over it.

It'd been a few years since that game, but you have a feeling that Tangerine would end up being worse than the last time if Man City won again.

Sure, you like it when your team wins, but as of right now you would much prefer it if West Ham won so that way Tangerine doesn't act like a complete bellend. He's easier to anger and agitate now that he's ill.

You all sat on the couch watching the game. Cheers erupted from Tangerine and Lemon whenever West Ham got the ball or made a goal, then a groan of annoyance from Tangerine whenever Man City got the ball or made a goal.

So far it was a 3 - 3 tie with just 3 minutes left of the game, and Tangerine was getting more and more agitated every time Man City took the ball from West Ham.

Once again, Man City taking the ball, then the referee calling over a player and showing them a red card, giving West Ham a free kick for the players offense.

West Ham has the ball now, a free kick. There are 2 minutes left in the game and if they make this shot then the chances of them winning the game are high.

"Bowen takes a free kick, OH MY WORD! A DIRECT FREE KICK GIVING WEST HAM 4 POINTS TOTAL! WHAT A GOAL!"

Cheers and a few coughs come from both Lemon and Tangerine, smiles on their faces. Regardless of their heights, facial hair, voices, jobs even, they still act like children sometimes in both good and bad ways and it makes you smile.

Those last few minutes pass and the game ends, a 4 - 3 score with West Ham beating Manchester City, more cheers erupt from the twins, dopey smiles plastered onto their faces.

Tangerine gets up from the couch to go do something for a minute, leaving you and Lemon sitting on the couch together.

"That was a good game eh? Man City is pretty good too, I'm surprised we even won," Lemon says to you, covering himself back up with the blanket he was sharing with you.

"Great game really! I'm a little bummed though I will admit, but honestly one loss is better than Tan being a prick the entire day," You roll your eyes.

You get up from your cozy spot on the couch and head to the kitchen island, which had a plethora of medicines, syrups, a humidifier, and assortments of teas.

Cough syrup, Tylenol tablets, throat soothing sleepytime tea, chamomile tea, lemon scented vapor rub, allergy syrup, and a new, unopened three pack of tissue boxes.

You groan at the thought of having to drink the terrible tasting allergy and cough syrup again.

"Lem! Tan! Have you guys taken your medicines yet?" You call out to the twins, seeing as Tangerine had just returned to the living area.

Groans emit from the both of them as you give a light chuckle.

The two walk to you, tangerine grabbing the three cups for the syrups, all of your names on one of them to designate which belonged to who.

You pour the cough syrup into your cup at the 120 ml line, holding your nose as you down it to try and get rid of some of the taste, then doing the same with allergy medicine. You open the bottle of Tylenol, grabbing two of the tablets and popping them into your mouth.

You take a gulp of water from your glass then wipe your mouth.

"I'm gonna go into my room and nap, take one of these tissue boxes with you," You say, opening the pack and grabbing a box of tissues for yourself to have.

You walk to your room, opening the door and placing the tissues onto your bedside table, taking one out and blowing your nose, then tossing it into your small trashcan.

You lay in your bed, covering yourself with your blankets and sinking into your mattress.

God I hope I feel better soon.

You fall into a slumber, happy to be resting after nothing but bickering and loud cheers all day.

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

Sorry this took a little longer, I wasn't really planning to post it two days ago but tumblr freaked out and did it anyway even though it still wasn't finished, but it is now! I'm trying to post these fics more often and hopefully be more consistent about it. Requests are still currently closed and I'll try to get to the ones that were sent months ago.

#tangerine bullet train #lemon bullet train #aaron taylor johnson #lemon x reader #tangerine x reader #brian tyree henry #fluff #gender neutral reader #bullet train 2022 #bullet train #atj #atj x reader #brian tyree henry x reader

[the-dawn-star]

Place to Stay 22 Klaus M. x Gilbert!Reader x Elijah M.

A/N: Hello everyone and I'm sorry for the long wait. Life is getting hard but I hope you haven't lost your intrest just yet.

-S

+2500ish words, and proofread by lovely Ana_Mia_Lisa on ao3.

All interactions are highly appreciated!!

Waking up had never felt harder than it did now, right now, at this very moment. I did not attempt to push away the covers, probably because my whole body ached. The lack of an active heating system didn't help much. 

Whose turn was it to pay the electrical company this month? 

Now that I think about it, it was such a mundane thing to worry about…electrical bills…what a joke. 

I’d have to check the calendar to be sure, but I was pretty certain that my sister must've missed her turn. And not for the first time.

Not that she seemed to care that our house lacked a heating system. 

The list of things Elena cared about were surprisingly limited these days. 

Apparently, I didn't make it in her new list. 

I pulled my feet closer to my body, sustaining as much of the heat as I could. 

Back when we were still a team, we devised a plan, my sister and I, to have each other's backs, to support each other no matter what life threw at us. We would both get jobs if we needed to, maybe sell a few things. We promised to keep ourselves a float no matter what, we made it our top priority. 

Obviously, both our priorities had changed since then. Hers had become murder and betrayal. And mine…, I wasn't sure what my priorities were anymore. 

I let out a groan, finally finding the strength to move, reaching for my phone, and not because I was expecting a call. 

Old habits die hard I suppose. Sometimes too hard…

Instead of my phone, my hand made contact with a vase, causing it to fall to the ground, shattering into a million pieces. That made me jump out of bed at last. 

Maybe, even if I wasn’t going to go to school, I could be productive, maybe... 

Maybe I could do something actually useful instead of lying-in bed with no sense of the responsibility that I had. Responsibility that I have for mom and dad, for Jenna…

I tiptoed towards the door, opening it slightly, not sure if the crash had been loud enough to wake up the whole house or not.

And then I remembered the painful–but also comforting– truth, no one was home. 

I was alone. And that was a good thing, I needed time to think, to put the events that happened into perspective. 

I got into some comfortable–and warm– clothes, fetched the mop and two plastic bags from the kitchen, and I started to clean. 

The sky was gray, my sweater was gray, my mood was gray. 

Could it get any worse than this? 

My answer might've been no if you'd asked me that question roughly forty-eight hours ago, but that was before my sister thought me expandable. 

During the day, I tidied the house, cleaned the kitchen, dusted the photo frames and did two sets of laundry,–most of it being my clothes, which wasn't surprising, Elena seemed to practically be living in the Salvatore’s residence.–

School was a solid no today, for obvious reasons. Besides, I was so behind on homework. And I’d already called in sick for work. 

It was nice to just clean around the house and just be. 

Around midday, after cleaning the downstairs bathroom, I felt a bad headache coming along, the pain running wild behind closed eyes. 

Unfortunately, we had no pain killers on hand, most of them had expired and I'd thrown them out earlier that day.

I made my way to the kitchen, maybe if I ate something I'd feel better. I sat behind the counter with my slightly wizened apple in front of me. I didn't feel like eating it– or anything really–.

I just wanted to close my eyes and forget yesterday, and the day before that. Just to concentrate on the good things and maybe, possibly forget the gray world around me. 

My throat burned–the culprate probably being dehydration–,  just like the back of my eyes. It took over my mind and numbed my senses. Enabling me to feel anything but a dull aching  pain. I guess in that sense the pain from the headache was preferable to the pain of my shame–and possibly regret–.  

My phone vibrated. Again. It had been doing so since morning and the day before, also a few times during the night. But I hadn’t bothered to look  at any of the texts.  

I sighed, getting up and putting the apple back in the fridge, and decided that the living room needed a change of decor–and perhaps the windows needed to be cleaned–. 

As I moved the single red armchair to the other corner, I saw something I wish I hadn't seen. Jenna's key chain. It must've fallen off sometime. I could distinctly remember her looking for it everywhere. 

The key chain felt heavy in my hands, and I had no idea what to do with it. Jenna certainly didn't need it anymore. 

I decided to put it back in its place near the door, if not for any reason than for the vain sense of nostalgia. This house didn't feel like my house anymore. It wasn't home. It was just a place we slept in,–mostly me, by the looks of things–. 

And who was it that once said something about homes being where hearts were? 

--- 

As the hours creeped by and the light of day gave way to darkness, my tasks came to an end as well. I would've loved to sit on the porch and enjoy the night's cool air–if I wasn't scared to leave my own house, that is–.  All my homework was done, as well as the dishes, the vacuuming, dusting, scrubbing the sink, and of course the laundry that was still drying. 

My self obligatory tasks were good distractions, they left me very tired– just like I wanted–, but also, there was this painful truth, that if I wouldn’t have done the chores, no one else would. 

Because the only person actually living here was me now. Upstairs my phone had rang at least thrice and not once did I go up the stairs to retrieve it.   

It was only seven o’clock but I was exhausted.Exhausting was good though, because then I wouldn't feel so miserable when thinking about what had happened. Exhausting was…perfect.  

The doorbell rang, plucking me out of my thoughts. I froze. 

Someone was behind that door. 

I should open the door. But what if Damon was behind it? or Stefan or…Elena? 

Nevertheless, it's better if I open the door than them–whoever they were– kicking it open. 

I threw myself off the couch and ran towards the door, standing in front of it.

And then I stopped. I really didn't want to open it.   

“I know you're in there, Y/N.” 

I sighed, angering an Original wasn't a part of my plans for the day. 

“Open this door, Y/N. I shall not ask again.” 

Rebekah sounded destructive and not very interested in preserving my house.  

“Why are you here?” I said, certain that the vampire could hear me through the door.   

My first words for the day… How lovely. 

“I shall be keeping you company today.”

The day was almost over. But I didn't tell her that. 

“Perhaps tomorrow?”

“Are you rejecting my company?” 

“What? No! I…”

“Then I shall be keeping you company then, believe me, I'm one of the more preferable options, and least I'm a company that is not involved with you intimately.”

That shut me up. 

Rebekah tapped her perfect heels impatiently on the porch. She had a high sense of fashion. Of course she did. Being a thousand years old did that to a girl. And that was just what Rebekah was. 

A girl. 

“You are not invited into my house.”  

“I suppose not.”

Was she giving me an out? Did that mean I could actually refuse to invite her in? Perhaps. But was it wise to do so? Was it safe to do so? Perhaps not. 

I took one deep breath before breaking my bubble of ignorance that I’d built around me throughout the day.

I averted my eyes from hers before taking a few steps back and giving her the space to walk in. “Come on in then.” I murmured, my eyes glued to my feet.  

Angering a vampire wasn't wise, angering an Original was pure stupidity. 

She stepped in, walking past me and into the living room, before settling herself on the couch. “Come on, sit down. Unless you are planning on standing there the rest of the night.” 

What was that saying about unwanted guests again? 

Nevertheless, the female Original wasn't your average guest now, was she? No, no, Rebekah Mikaelson wasn't like any other person in this messed up town. She was confident, proud and of course, purly, entirely and unmistakably herself. 

My school mates tried to imitate her. They failed, of course. She was the kind of person who owned whatever space she walked in–my house stood as the perfect example–. 

Was it just natural to her or was it required with thousands of years of practice? I didn't know, I'm not entirely sure she did either.

I let myself fall on one of the armchairs. 

“So, my brother told me about what happened to you.”  

Had Klaus told her or had Elijah? I wondered. 

Rebekah bit her lip, crossing one of her delicate ankles over the other. If she had wanted to say something more, she didn't. It wasn't her place to do so. However, Rebekah Mikaelason wasn't one for holding her tongue. But I didn't think our friendship–or lack thereof–was enough for her to feel particularly sorry or concerned for me.   

“ Is this why you are here? Did he put you up to this?” 

“Niklaus is concerned for you, but no, none of them put me up to this.”  

I raised an eyebrow, like I could snatch the truth from between her carefully chosen words.  

Rebekah stayed quiet for a minute too long. 

“I know what it feels like to get stabbed in the back. Your sister did just that to me.” 

I opened my mouth to object, she didn't let me.

“And she was not the first, Klaus has done the same over the centuries, more than I care to count.”  

She sat tall while speaking about her trauma, like she was talking about something as mundane as the weather. It put me on edge. How broken could one be to even be slightly fazed in the face of such cruelty? 

But she wasn't completely unfazed now, was she? Oh no, if you took the time to look closely, you could see her fingers playing with the hem of her blouse. It was a slight sign, barely visible and all too easy to miss. Not for me. Certainly not for me. It dawned on me that maybe she needed to be comforted, not give comfort. 

Were vampires in the habit of going to therapy? 

Unlikely, it would be too complicated. 

But Rebekah Mikaelson should definitely consider it nonetheless.

Has she ever talked about the stuff that she had gone through to anyone? or did she bottle up all the anger, hurt and hatred? Hoping that it would explode when she was in the company of someone unpleasant? Someone who deserved it…?

“Should I go to therapy?”

Her sudden chuckle surprised me. She shrugged. “Honestly, I wouldn't recommend it. Not for you at least.”

“Why?”

“Therapists are disposable after we're done with them.”

“What does that even…oh”

“How do you deal with it, then? You know your own family is hurting you.” I couldn't help but ask. 

“It is no easy feat, but eventually, you try to forget and look past it. Every time that Klaus has killed me– regardless of him being in the wrong or not– he and I both knew that it wouldn’t be forever. In your case however, your livelihood wasn't the first– or second– priority.”  

An invisible hand clenched itself around my heart. I knew Rebekah was speaking the truth. The fact that it was painful or I wanted to avoid it, didn't make it less so. She was good at that, telling the harsh and brutal truth when people couldn’t fathom facing it themselves.  

“What would you do if your family had done the same to you?” My words were barely above a whisper and I couldn’t meet her gaze. In fear that I might see things that I wouldn’t like.  

Coward. 

She sighed, “My family is complicated and less than functional Y/N, but through it all we still love each other for always and forever. And we would never throw each other to an almost certain death–if that would even be possible–.”  

The vampire kept silent before getting up and walking towards the kitchen. I couldn't see her but I heard cabinets opening and closing. 

“Your alcohol reserves are surprisingly low.”  

Yes, Alaric Saltzman didn't leave much. 

I finally turned around to see Rebekah with a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon and two wine glasses.  

“So, this is your plan, then? Drinking…wine?”   

“Certainly not.” Rebekah sounded like she took offense. “We have much better vintages at our reserve.”   

I had never enjoyed wine much. In fact, I hated the taste, but still I took a sip, letting the taste of berries settle on my tongue. Rebekah on the other hand, rolled her eyes after her first sip. 

“If my family had done something like this to me, they…wouldn’t be my family anymore. Families protect and take care of each other when you cannot do it yourself.” 

I took another sip of the wine mostly because I couldn’t find any words to form a coherent response.  

“I’m not saying you should disown your family; I’m just saying that ‘forgiving and forgetting’ wouldn't do you much good either.” Rebekah took another sip, and licked her lips clean, her eyes staring into the abyss.   

“I don’t think I can forget.” That ship had long since sailed. 

“From what I know of you Y/N, you are meant to do more than just following orders.”  

I've never thought of myself as a follow the leader type, but during the past year or two, that was exactly what I've become. 

Drinking with Rebekah wasn’t something that had been on my to-do list, nor was our heart to heart. Alas, anything other than crying in bed was better, anything other than dwelling in pain.

“I’m not so sure about that.” Not anymore, at least. I said words barely above a whisper.

“I’ve lived for a thousand years Y/N, you're simply not like the coward. Except maybe in choosing your lovers–you’re really dumb in that regard.–”

Wine entered my windpipe and a violent cough ripped out of me. I placed the glass on the coffee table. “What are you talking about?” I asked, covering the lower half of my face. 

Rebekah was surely amused. 

“Oh come now, there is no reason to be so shy about your and my brothers’...relationship. Believe me, I've seen them make worse choices.” 

Rebekah poured the rest of the wine into her glass, and then she froze.

“Your sister is coming.” 

I didn’t have the time to say anything, only turning my head in the direction of the front door in panic. I couldn’t see her, not now. 

“I really enjoyed talking to you,” The whisper next to my ear made the hairs at the back of my neck rise. 

The lock turned, and I was alone.

---

( @dark-night-sky-99 @venomsvll @teenwolfbitches28  @haloangel391  @queenthorin1 @ollieandbonnie @hcqwxrtss123 @redwolfs-things @theweirdoleigh @mostly-meg @fandom-princess-forevermore @musically-ambiguous @isawritesstories @felinegrate @i-like-horror-andshitt @original-siphon @meyocoko @eddiebea @multistanhell @haroldpotterson @anastacia1705 @fictional-characters-i-love-them @beingsthings @kiaraandrea @hazgold @hallecarey1 @ethereal-imagies @pinknerpersona @ lil-writer-523 @malfoylaufeysonweasleybarnes) @queen-of-arda )

#the originals #the vampire diaries x #the vampire diaries #the vampire diaries hc #the mikaelsons x reader #the mikaelsons #klaus mikaelson hc #klaus mikealson x reader #klaus mikaelson #klaus x y/n #klaus x reader #elijah mikealson x reader #elijah x reader #elijah mikaelson #elijah x y/n #the originals x you #the originals x y/n #the originals x reader #rebekah mikaelson

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: "Altercation at the Auspicious Auction"

Happy, uh... Tuesday, everyone! I'm a little bit behind 😬

Man oh man, but do I have mixed feelings about this episode. While drafting today's recap I kept trying to come up with a summary to start with; an abbreviated takeaway of my overall thoughts - especially for any readers who don't feel like wading through the whole post. Unfortunately, anything that simplistic kinda misses the point, so you all are just gonna have to settle for a, "I'm a glass case of mixed emotions!" while we unpack this episode.

First, a note about our title. Last week I bypassed commenting on "A Place of Particular Concern" for the simple reason that I wasn't sure what to do with it yet. Now, I think I understand the general vibe that RWBY is going for, though it does surprise me a little. The alliteration of "Altercation at the Auspicious Auction" is definitely catchy, but it doesn't have much of a Wonderland feel to it. Carroll's chapter titles were, by and large, descriptively straightforward:

Down the Rabbit-Hole

The Pool of Tears

Advice from a Caterpillar

Who Stole the Tarts?

You get the idea. They're very accessible for a child because although the combination might be new - how does one get advice from a caterpillar? - every element is familiar. They know what a rabbit-hole is, a tart, a pool, tears, etc. just not how those elements are fitting together in new ways. RWBY's titles, meanwhile, are a little more complex. Which isn't a bad thing, they're just not titles that would have fit well into Carroll's original or, arguably, fit the whimsical, fairy tale, 'This is kinda for kids' vibe of the Volume thus far. If anything, what we've gotten reminds me of Lemony Snicket's work. An auspicious auction sounds like it belongs smack dab in the austere academy.

Anyway, let's get into the actual story. Last we left off, Volume 9 was struggling significantly with its tone and I'm sorry to say that things haven't improved in that regard. If anything, the introduction of better written, more emotionally driven scenes means that they're suffering from the endless gags surrounding them and those gags, in turn, feel all the more out of place. We open on the girls all looking out on the world that Blake has revealed to them, though none of the emotion from last week has transferred over. Ruby and Yang are just kinda blank as they stare ahead, whereas Blake and Weiss appear intrigued by what's before them. Blake I can understand - the episode goes out of its way to frame her as the book nerd who's prepared to navigate this world and though I mentioned in a recent ask that Ruby feels more like the fairy tale lover to me, I do really like that Blake is given agency as the bibliophile again - but Weiss spends the entire episode having an absolute crisis over navigating a fairy tale, so why she's animated looking smugly pleased at this development is beyond me.

This is a common problem though, especially is modern RWBY. Unless the story is going out of its way to highlight a particular emotion (such as Ruby's depression at certain points) then everyone is given randomly generic expressions to fill a shot. Rarely do I feel like the smaller moments accurately reflect the overall mood. If a character is angry, they're just as likely to be smiling while someone else talks; if a character is frustrated, they're just as likely to appear content when the focus is no longer on them. In some ways this highlights the difficulties inherent in animation - you can't just let an actor do their job in the background, you have to actively conceive of and construct a characters' every micro-expression - but, the issue of crunch aside, it's still something the show could improve on. If your character is on screen, make sure their expressions actually matches what's been going on.

So we're off to a slightly rocky start and then, of course, we really kick things off with a joke. Yang wants to know if they're just going to stand around thinking about this in silence, or...?

Yeah, we definitely needed the meta acknowledgement that there was a break between episodes and we don't technically know how long the girls were staring at the view in-world. That's absolutely the best way to follow up on Ruby collapsing over the death of a friend🤦‍♀️

It'll come as no surprise to anyone who has seen the episode that this will be a common complaint from me today. Consistently the writing portions out moments for Ruby to be sad about what's happened, neatly separated from the rest of the story, and everything surrounding those moments works very hard to undermine that emotion. For example, in this moment I couldn't help but re-frame what we've been given through Yang's perspective: she saved her little sister and in the process fell into a terrifying void, waking with the thought that she's probably dead. Her arm was stolen from her and she somehow encountered a (meant to be) terrifying beast she wasn't able to fully defend herself against. This led to her reuniting with her team and the realization that them being here meant that they failed spectacularly to defend the world above. Weiss confirms this by tearfully admitting that one of their friends has died and Ruby is so shocked that she passes out.

So how does Yang react to all that? With incredibly bland questions about whether Ruby is okay. No physical comfort. Lots of jokes about their situation and, as we'll see later, an endless desire to punch someone's lights out - but even that is presented as a cute character quirk, not a symptom of her trauma. Yang - and everyone else - is only reacting to the horrors of Volume 8 when the story wants them to react, the Bad Emotions flipping on and off depending on whether the writers want another gag or not.

But I'm getting way ahead of myself. The point is that we begin with this sarcastically cheery tone and segue right into more animation humor. Ruby says that it's impossible that they're in a fairy tale, but Blake points out Little as evidence. (Side-note: how is that irrefutable evidence when the woman giving it is part CAT?) A highlighted mouse and Ruby's sweat-drop convey that yes, this is really happening! Because we can't convince the characters without those humorous details.

Oddly though, Little agrees with Ruby? We see them nodding along when Ruby says they can't possibly be in a fairy tale and right now I'm not sure if that's because they agree with the idea that their obviously real home can't be equated with a made-up story - something Little will outright say in a moment - or if they're just agreeing because, frankly, Little seems confused 99% of the time, but possesses enough emotional intelligence to want to make Ruby happy.

Regardless, with Little acting as (shaky) proof, Weiss revises Ruby's statement to say that it's "improbable" that they're in a fairy tale and we get the trailer line, "Let's look at this more logically, shall we?" You know, I think this line comes across much better here than it does in isolation. It's still not going to be winning any voice acting awards, but the flow of the conversation helps it out quite a bit.

However, I think Weiss', “Okay. I see your point of view. I’m going to go over here now" sounds so much worse.

Before that though she runs through all the plot we've already seen or, in Yang's case, was mentioned off screen while Ruby was unconscious. (And yes, the fact that Yang told everyone about her harrowing journey when the most important person in the world to her couldn't listen in still bugs me.) They all fell from the sky, Ruby met a talking mouse, Weiss and Blake encountered killer vines, and Yang had her arm stolen by a purple racoon. As if the deadpan nonsense of that wasn't enough, the scene needs to inject even more humor by having Little interrupt with a shouted "FRIENDS! :D"

Please note that nothing in this scene emphasizes - or even hints at - Ruby's current emotional state. From the flat expressions as she listens in, to the tiny smile when Little celebrates their friendship, this Ruby is indistinguishable form the girl we've seen for the last four-ish Volumes. As I mentioned above, it's an ongoing problem for me that the Volume is consistently separating Ruby's depression from, well, everything else. I'm not saying she has to be sobbing every second of the episode, but if you can snag a random scene - especially one so soon after her faint - give it to an ignorant RWBY fan, and expect that they'd have no idea based on this animation that she was dealing with the traumatic death of a friend... you need to go back and re-write that scene.

The absurdity of Yang's experience results in Weiss giving up on her logical approach. She gives that line about going over there now, bye-bye, and then we see... uh...

What is this? I have nothing against Weiss struggling with them being here - that actually makes a lot of sense for her character - but do we really need to convey her struggle like this? I literally cannot take the emotional beats seriously when they're surrounded by this Chibi-like silliness. Worse, later in the episode Weiss' comedic grumbling will return and actively interrupt Ruby's grieving.

But we'll get to that.

“As crazy as it sounds, something about this is familiar," Ruby says and then the girls realize that what they've experienced sounds an awful lot like "The Girl Who Fell Through the World." And by "an awful lot" I mean it's nearly an exact, one-for-one recreation. Cool concept! Too bad the viewer barely knew this story existed before the girls landed here. If you'll recall, the fairy tale was mentioned back in Volume 8 when Oscar was captured by Salem, which tells us that the writers realized what they wanted for the upcoming Volume and hastily tried to shove a reference in so this didn't come entirely out of left field. However, this wasn't a successful attempt imo. All we learn from Oscar's conversation with Ozpin is that a) a girl fell through Remnant, b) she wound up in a new world, and c) she returned to Remnant sad because she'd been so changed by her journey. Nothing in that tiny summary tells us what the world was like, or what Alyx experienced there, the two things that would help sell the idea that our characters recognize this environment and the things they've been through. Hell, we don't even learn the girl's name prior to Blake info-dumping the plot. "Alyx" exists only in Roman Holiday, a book I read and 100% did not remember learning the name. How's the average fan not obsessively plugged into every RWBY side-project supposed to emotionally invest in this?

Here then, we see another case where RWBY needs long-term revision. Given that they'd be basing an entire Volume around this fairy tale and putting an emphasis on the girls' knowledge of this story, we needed to spend time actually showing that the girls possess this knowledge; that it's of cultural significance to them. Give us a flashback of Summer reading the fairy tale to a young Ruby. Have the girls reference it during their Beacon days - Weiss makes fun of Ruby for still reading fairy tales when they're unpacking their room, Blake admits that it's one of the few tales she likes because of what Alyx needs to do to survive, Yang reminisces about sharing the story with her little sis. Give us Pyrrha bringing it up when she's asked what her favorite tale is. Ozpin hints during their travels that everything they grew up with is more than it seems, hiding grains of truth. Jaune reads bits of the story to his nephew, they overhear a version while the people of Mantle are trying to find comfort while they wait, there are posters up in Atlas for a movie adaptation coming out next Spring... Obviously some of these aren't possible - I never expected RT to invent a time machine and actually revise the earlier Volumes lol - but if you're going to pull this, "The characters knew this story all along and it was a super memorable part of their childhood" card then there needs to be something to set that up. And if you can't backtrack due to the medium you're writing in, you put off the Ever After Volume until you've done at least some of the work to properly prepare for it. At the very least you do more than have Oscar randomly mention it post-torture session, complete with no identifying information for the viewers to recognize once the Volume 9 trailer drops.

Or, they might have conceived of this as a tale that isn't well known and the girls are damn lucky that Blake is well-read enough to have come across it. But as it stands, Ruby suddenly recognizes where they are, Yang agrees, Weiss casually tosses out that oh yeah, of course they've all read this as kids. Obviously. You just never heard about it until now. Funny that! I found this particularly annoying when Blake suddenly reveals that the entirety of the premiere makes up the plot of this tale: Alyx falls a long distance, meets a bunch of mice, has to deal with killer vines, meets a Jabberwocker (why bother changing the name to little?), and had her knife stolen by a racoon. This is only impactful if the viewer can see the similarities as they're happening and come to the early conclusion that, oh wow, they're reenacting a Remanent fairy tale! What RWBY actually does though is present a bunch of seemingly random events, leaves the viewer for a week, and then comes back to say, "Actually you know what? That was all important!" But, I'd like to emphasize, not in a way akin to foreshadowing. This wasn't deftly planned; a trail of subtle breadcrumbs that the viewer can look back on and go, "Oh my god I should have realized!" We haven't the slightest idea that they're reenacting the plot of a fairy tale until Blake announces that... after its all occurred.

As the girls realize they're living out Alyx's story, there's understandably a bit of push-back. How can that be? It's fiction! (Even though, you know, by now they're well aware that their headmaster lived through a lot of 'fiction' too.) Little pipes up that this place isn't make believe, it's where they live... but doesn't actually provide any useful information beyond that.

Blake then proceeds to lay out the rest of the fairy tale's plot and also, presumably, the basic outline for our season: Alyx beat the Red King at his own board game, met the curious cat, encountered the rested knight (interesting description. I assume that'll be Jaune?), and finally escaped back home through the tree. Of course, if the girl we saw in our opening is really Alyx, then she didn't get back to Remnant (or wherever else she might be from. At this point I'm not putting it past RWBY to introduce a MCU-style multiverse. Especially with the Justice League crossover coming out). Right now, I'm not sure how to reconcile this idea. If Alyx never escaped then how did her story - and all its personal details - make it back to Remnant? Did someone else escape to tell her story? Does Ozpin have some world-traveling powers that we don’t know about yet? Does Alyx?

Maybe that’s not Alyx and this question is pointless.

Ooor maybe this question will simply go unanswered, leaving us with the plot-hole of how her story became a fairy tale so common that everyone from farmers out in Patch to corporate princesses in Atlas grow up on it.

(RWBY has a lot of world building diversity, don’t worry about it.)

Anyway, I do appreciate that this gives the girls a solid reason to seek out the tree. Last week I honestly thought they might be heading there under the ‘logic’ of “Why not? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯” Yes, the tree is massive and at the center of the land, but that kind of marker is only useful if you already know where you’re going - it doesn’t necessarily imply an exit. If anything, my first attempt to get out would have been via the ocean, given that some, like Ruby, appear to have come in with the tide post-fall. Plus it’s the only boundary we’ve seen. But what RT wrote holds together, even if the delivery had problems: Ruby was seeking higher ground and then realized she’s re-living a story where the tree is the protagonist’s way out. Well done, that tracks.

From there though things continue to struggle. Weiss reminds Ruby that she hasn't even found Crescent Rose yet and I thought, foolishly, that this would result in some kind of acknowledgment? Meaning, it's really easy to view this as a symptom of Ruby's declining mental health. As her encounter with Jinxy will demonstrate, she's so hopeless right now that she can't take joy in the things she once loved - or even care about their existence. Weiss is clearly concerned that Ruby hasn't found Crescent Rose, but no one else is concerned that Ruby isn't concerned. There's no mildly shocked, "Oh" from Ruby as she realizes, oh yeah, she's without her beloved, hand-made weapon modeled after her Uncle, perhaps also in connection with her mother, the thing she once turned to for comfort when she didn't know how to make any friends. Ruby: 'I should probably care that I've lost that, huh?' But we get zip in regards to her realizing that this emotionally significant object is still lost in the Ever After somewhere. Worse, no one else reacts to Ruby's lack of reaction. Alarm bells should be going off in Yang's head at the moment, but the episode is too focused on comedy and flirting to let her really check in with her little sister. Yang has come to the realization that Ruby horrifically lost that fight, watched her faint in response to the death of a friend, and now she doesn't even blink at the idea that her prized weapon might be gone for good. By all means, give us bumblebee, I WANT more canonical content (more on that below), but there's a time and a place. Ruby still not having Crescent Rose should be a huge deal for her and when it's not that should be a huge deal for Yang.

Also, I'd like to point that this loss makes Ruby incredibly vulnerable here (as the brief Jabberwock encounter demonstrates), potentially highlighting her less than passionate desire to keep herself safe. So is Yang - or even her other teammates - at all concerned about Ruby's mental health? Her own sense of safety?

Barely. They're not showing much.

I give Weiss props for trying to reach Ruby in a few moments, but Blake and Yang are too busy being wrapped up in each other to bother. (Which could be an interesting conflict/character flaw if the show acknowledged it.) This is the same problem we had in Volume 8: why is Yang worried about Blake when she had a huge fight with Ruby? Because RT can't figure out where to put their bumblebee moments so they don't actively draw away from the other relationships.

Before that though we need to have another gag moment, this time through flashback images of Yang having her arm stolen.

Look at this.

Who decided this was a good tone for the Volume? The contrast between past and present says it all. Yang is looking quite serious as she recalls presumably falling to her death, but we can't take her seriously because the trauma of that is undermined by a circle of cartoon stars over her head. Having her assistive device stolen while she was vulnerable makes Yang furious? Well, it doesn't make the viewer furious because they're too busy laughing at her dramatic reach, Jinxy's equally dramatic, evil design, and the cartoon-y white eyes/exaggeratedly open mouth. Notably, Blake is laughing too, rather uproariously, and I'm surprised that I haven't seen any non-RWDE grumbling from the fandom. After all, weren't people upset when Tai made a joke about Yang's arm, insisting that it was the height of insensitivity? How dare he say such a thing! ... never mind how Yang reacted to it. For me, a father knowing his daughter well enough to help jolt her out of an angry spiral, weeks after the event occurred, is better than a school friend laughing at the traumatic event mere hours after it happened... but that's just me. Apparently, shipping trumps all because it's presented as cute and wholesome for Blake to laugh over Yang having her assistive device stolen after the worst night of their lives. Disarmed, am I right?

Nothing in this scene tells the viewer to take the theft seriously, so... I don't. Yang went through something incredibly difficult after an already horrific night? No she didn't. She experienced an average annoyance, something to laugh at - as Blake demonstrates.

Deciding that they need to track this Jinxy down (I'm not challenging the need for that, especially when it's Yang's arm, but is no one planning to find Crescent Rose too?), the girls head to the nearest town. Cue the already overused joke that Little will lead the way! And then they don't.

We get more info-dumping about this story, including that Alyx accidentally started a war in the town because she went blundering in without understanding their customs. Blake is worried that fictional history might repeat itself which I like because yes, you should be worried about that! Not just because it's basic human decency not to sow chaos in the town you're visiting, not even because they've already seen themselves repeating Alyx's story (fall, mice, vines, theft) and thus have an excellent reason to think that they might repeat her mistakes as well, but because what has this group been doing since Volume 6 except blunder into places and sow chaos? Not intentionally. I am always fully aware that our cast is written to be well-meaning heroes consistently doing the best they possibly can for the people, but even if we believed that they truly had done everything within their power to help (which I often don't), their "best" has still caused irrevocable damage. Intentions aside, the group has tampered with one of the world's few remaining sources of communication, drew a terrifying grimm toan unsuspecting populace, tested the already shaky relations between Kingdoms, lied to their one remaining ally in a way that did nothing to help his declining mental health, risked a major operation on literal, blind trust (which wouldn't be so bad if the story hadn't gone out of its way to paint that as stupid, but only when a non-Team RWBY memeber does it), sat around drinking tea while an actual apocalypse was happening outside, lost two of the magical relics that may well doom the world (a failure that I personally wouldn't blame them for if they hadn't been so stupidly brazen in their "protection": not putting it in the vault, carrying it on their belt, not sending someone through to Vacuo with the Staff, etc.), and to top it all off, made the conscious decision to obliterate two cities, evicting a fourth of the world's population, without even TRYING to find a way to work around that nearly unimaginable consequence. Without even acknowledging it.

Yeah, they should absolutely be concerned about bringing chaos down on these people. The fact that for once they don't when narrative logic says they should is so painfully, hilariously ironic.

What really grinds my gears though is that none of the others care about this possibility when, as outlined above, they should. MAJOR kudos to Blake for being the voice of reason here, but Yang is all, "Yeah, but [Alyx] was kinda a mean person, right? She lied and cheated her way through most of the book."

OH BOY, YANG. HAVE I GOT NEWS ABOUT YOU AND YOUR TEAMMATES.

We don't need a rehashing of all the times they - Yang in particular - have lied, cheated, or been needlessly mean to others, so I suppose all I have left to say is that she's at least consistent? I mean, Yang is by far my least favorite of the group nowadays, especially the version of her that would sneer at Ren for daring to point out that they've made horrific mistakes, but for what it's worth this is the attitude we've come to expect from her. Us? Fuck things up? Never! We're perfect! We're not like mean old Alyx who would do something as awful as lie to people.

Weiss tries to defend Alyx's actions by saying that "she was trying to survive" and grousing that the morals are too simplistic. That's a position I can respect, though I wish it weren't coming from a show that, at the end of the day, pushes such a simplistic perspective. As we've seen plenty of times in the past, RWBY continually claims that it has complex morals while not actually engaging with complex morals.

Just to hammer the point home, I'd like to point out that this conversation about harmful actions and gray morality is broken up by Ruby poking a sleeping Little, trying unsuccessfully to wake them up. After all, nothing highlights the complexity of your story like continuing mouse gags.

Let's put all that aside for a moment though. I've been jumping around just a bit, discussing some conversation pieces out of order because it works better with the flow of the recap. Now, we come to a crucial moment I previously skipped over:

The bees.

Being over a week late with this recap, pretty much everything that needs to be said has been said, to the point where even some non-RWDE folks are tentatively going, "So is that it then? Is it confirmed? Can I say with complete confidence that it's canonical?"

Well... no.

But it's the closest we've ever gotten.

It's also a setback.

Let me explain.

While Blake is laughing it up over Yang having her arm stolen, she gets very flirty. In fact, I think we can make a case that her laughter is exaggerated in an effort to catch Yang's attention, though that doesn't detract from the problem of what she's laughing at in the first place. Regardless, Blake is clearly enamored with Yang in this moment, grinning, leaning real close, teasingly touching their fingers together. They don't hold hands, but the desire is obviously there, and Weiss responds to the flirting with a, "It's about time."

Now, the reason why this is the closest we've gotten to a canonical confirmation is 100% because of Weiss. I wouldn't argue for a moment that this scene wasn't deliberately flirty, but it still holds a certain level of plausible deniability, which is the exact problem all the other Yang/Blake scenes have. Yes, forehead touches, hand-holding, and blushes are all coded as romantic, but until you actually confirm a relationship or interest, homophobes can come back with, "I blush at compliments/hold my friends' hands/they were just overwhelmed after nearly dying! Why do you hate platonic intimacy so much??" (To be clear, I do mean homophobes in this example, not the ace/aro community who might want to see the same things, but for very different reasons.) In fact, I recently came across a tumblr post tagged for arospecs upholding forehead touches over kisses:

Now, I certainly get what OP is saying (and it's worth pointing out the obvious: they don't know anything about my recaps, aren't responding to RWBY, etc. The post just came across my dash). There's an intimacy here that rings as more heartfelt than what we often get with a kiss. After all, kisses are a dime-a-dozen in television, just not for queer people, and largely in response to those restrictions, queer characters have historically been coded through other, intimate touches. So yeah, for some - even those who aren't aro/ace - a forehead touch might mean so much more in a pairing than an outright kiss. But note that the texpost starts with, "sure, fine, your characters kissed, whatever." OP is imaging a scenario in which that confirmation is a given. They kissed. So what? We want more meaningful interactions than just that!

"Just that" being the key phrase. Blake and Yang don't have "just that." They have not kissed. They have not been confirmed, so to argue for forehead-touch supremacy here is insufficient. It's like going, "Who cares about the core outfit. The best part is accessorizing!" Sure, that's a legit opinion, but for anyone who doesn't have any clothes yet, a pair of earrings and a scarf isn't going to cut it.

Despite all this, the line "It's about time" isn't attributed to anything other than romance. If a character looks at two others and says that, they're not talking about anything other than a decidedly non-platonic interest. So this, on its own, is definitely something to celebrate and is by far the most solid piece of evidence that the bees will be 100% confirmed by the end of the Volume.

Nevertheless, I have to ask: why are we still in the flirting stage?

Yes, Weiss makes a 'They like each other' comment that really can't be interpreted as anything else, but the comment itself translates to, 'It's about time they admitted they liked each other.' Now, if Blake had kissed Yang - or asked her out on a date, said "I love you," whatever confirmation we're each personally leaning towards - then we'd be golden. It's about time they did that? Yeah, it sure is! But the actions Weiss responds to are that flirty dialogue and a minuscule hand-brush, both of which we've seen before. A fair bit, actually.

This is what I mean when I say the moment is regressive. Weiss is acting like Blake and Yang have taken this huge step forward in their relationship, but the reality is that they've gone backwards, from full-on hand-holding to tentative brushes. The hand-holding already wasn't enough, as established, but now we're meant to cheer for an aborted hand-holding instead? I suppose it's possible to read this purely from Weiss' perspective. Meaning, she wasn't out in the shed when Blake took Yang's artificial hand. She wasn't at the Adam fight (even though she should have been...) to see their actual step forward, clasping hands as one and promising to defend each other. And though she was there, I doubt Weiss was paying them any mind when they had their moment of comfort on the airship, or even when Yang complimented Blake's new haircut. So yes, from Weiss' limited perspective this might actually be a significant change. Most of the girls' development has occurred in private and they haven't shared these changes with the group, so of course Weiss is going to go, 'Oh wow, Blake is leaning in close and teasing Yang with intimate finger brushes - they've never done that before! It's about time! :D'

But - and this is a crucial 'but' - neither the story nor RWBY's marketing present this as something solely from Weiss' perspective. Despite making this "It's about time" statement to Ruby, she doesn't come back with any additional knowledge to catch Weiss up to speed. There's no moment when Blake and Yang turn around to reveal that, oh yeah, we've actually been flirting like this for a while - culminating in an on screen admission of their feelings. And the official RWBY twitter puts out stuff like this:

The audience isn't supposed to work through who knows what like I've done above, they're just meant to celebrate that omg, the girls touched fingers!! Never-mind that they've gone past that before and, as said multiple times, that's not enough.

Do I think the bees will be confirmed this Volume given that this is the most overtly anyone has acknowledged the relationship? Yes. Do I think it's a problem that after nine years we're still in the barely flirting stage when other, straight relationships - even slowburns like renora - have already been explicitly confirmed? Also yes.

RWBY is writing this badly and I again question where most Yang/Blake fans are coming from. Either you're old enough to recognize queerbaiting and are likely wary as fuck that we'll get a repeat here, or you're young enough that you've grown up with queer ships that are unambiguously canonical within the first few seasons - if you even had to wait that long - in which case this 'Are they or aren't they?' dance should seem ridiculous. All I can imagine is that the RWBY fandom's tendency to rewrite canon has led to a legitimately inaccurate reading of the text. The same way that people will claim that their headcanons 100% happened on screen and will not be dissuaded even when you stick screenshots under their nose and go, "Look! That's literally not happening here!" I wonder how many fans imagined up a romance and just... honest to god think we've already gotten it. Not that anyone is literally hallucinating or anything, just that there's this pervasive trend of imprinting what one imagines onto the text. What do you mean Ironwood wasn't a dictator the whole time? What do you mean Ruby is repeating the actions she's criticized others for? What do you mean Blake and Yang aren't dating? We've spent so long rewriting the canon online that it's now hard as hell to differentiate between those creative hopes and what has actually happened on screen.

So yeah. I want to praise this moment. I am praising it just because this is the most we've ever gotten out of RWBY in terms of non-background character queer rep, but damn is it still falling short of what it could be.

It's worth pointing out that Ruby has no reaction to her sister almost-dating her teammate, but I give this a pass because Ruby is so obviously lost in her own, dark thoughts. In fact, she doesn't even seem to follow what Weiss is commenting on. As we'd expect, their semi-private conversation turns dark and Weiss stops walking. “It’s all gone. There’s nothing left for me to go back to," she says.

I'm really glad they're acknowledging that Weiss didn't just broadly mess up along with the rest of the group, but that she, specifically, has lost her home too. I honestly thought the acknowledgements would end there, but when Ruby tries to comfort with a, “You did the best you could for Atlas, Weiss” she shoots back with, “We hatched a crazy plan that put a whole kingdom at risk!”

Yeah you did! Thank you for finally saying that!! If we can't have heroes weighing the repercussions of their actions prior to engaging with them, at least give me heroes who will grapple with their mistakes after the fact. I mean, like with Yang I have a very hard time taking Weiss' grief and self-recrimination seriously when the majority of her struggle has been depicted through absurd gags... but beggars can't be choosers. This, coupled with Ruby's closing line of the episode, gives me more hope for the girls' development than I've had in years, certainly more than we got from Ren's argument with Yang.

As a sidenote though, I wish they hadn't hidden Weiss' face for the majority of this scene. I liked it when this cinematography was used to emphasize how she was hiding from her teammates - AKA when she was keeping Penny's death a secret - but now? Everyone knows everything (for the most part, anyway) and it would add a hell of a lot for the viewer to be able to see the struggle taking place on Weiss' face. Of course, the animating of emotions this Volume has been iffy, as acknowledged earlier, so maybe it is for the best that they didn't try and then fail to depict that kind of sorrow. Not when vaguely wet eyes and mostly blank expressions have been our norm. Still, when we have this important a character moment I don't want to be staring at Weiss' back, or her ridiculously complicated belt. Let me see her.

(I just realized that combining those screenshots makes it look like Weiss has messed up shoulders and a head turned round backwards whoops lololol.)

Another weird detail is that Weiss seems to be under the impression that Jaune may have saved the Relics. Sorry, but what? I'd buy this as a holding out hope situation if the whole group didn't know that Cinder had the Lamp and if Weiss, as the last to fall, wasn't at least vaguely aware that Cinder had snagged the Staff too. I mean, I'd have to re-watch the finale to get the exact timing, but I don't think it was that long between Weiss falling and Cinder flying off to make a new wish. Besides, what's the healer of the group going to do against a fully powered Maiden, especially without the rest of his team? It's not a literal mistake/retcon, just a really weird thing to have your character believe. I'm kinda getting the vibe that the writers didn't want to list all the ways the group fucked up - because yeah, that's overwhelming. That's what we've been saying! - so some mistakes are just kinda... glossed over. 'Well sure, we destroyed a Kingdom, Penny died, and we're now lost in this world, but maybe the Relics are still safe!' Mmm no, sorry. The only 'Well maybe' I'll accept is in reference to the people of Atlas being safe because yeah, there's no reason for Weiss or the others to know that they wound up in a grimm-infested sandstorm. I definitely give Weiss a pass for not realizing how her wish screwed them over - "One way ticked to Vacuo" - because it literally took Oscar summoning up a memory he didn't have to figure that out. I mean, I'm in full agreement with what others have said: it would be great if Weiss did realize/learn that at some point and was forced to grapple with the fact that the lack of help she's so angry over was, in fact, her fault... but I don't expect her to realize that on the fly, especially not when she's dealing with so much else in the Ever After.

I mean hell, I can barely remember the last sentence I wrote here. If you wanted me to backtrack through a conversation I had hours ago to find a linguistic mistake I made - when I don't even know there is a mistake I'm looking for - I'd be screwed lol.

As the conversation continues Weiss also acknowledges that learning about Penny's death must have been "a lot to hear" and - pushing back against my earlier frustration with the characters' expressions - Ruby actually looks affected by this. By and large I think this is the best interaction we've gotten in a while, right up through Ruby just walking away, unable to even respond to that statement yet. Unlike hiding Weiss' face, or Ruby fainting instead of otherwise reacting to the tragedy, this doesn't feel like a cop-out, but rather a legitimate, believable response. She's not capable of processing this yet, let alone chatting it out with Weiss.

Unfortunately, this engaging emotion doesn't last for long. As expected, I've seen posts in the larger RWBY fandom criticizing our criticisms, claiming that all RWDE folk want are "doom and gloom" for the girls; something "edgy." To which I can only respond with a "Nah." I like horror and tragedy and morally gray storytelling, but if we're defining "doom and gloom" as a work that has nothing but hopeless pessimism to impart, I'm not here for it. All I want is a Volume that appropriately engages with the darker tone introduced in Volume 3 and ramped up like WHOA in Volume 8, without cracking its foundation with constant, contradictory jokes.

In short, we have really done without another, humorous' moment where Little proves themselves useless - they have no idea what lies beyond the bridge, despite offering to guide Team RWBY on this journey - as well as a long sequence (long for a 15-20 minute episode, anyway) wherein Little tries to build themselves a home because...? I mean, I get that they don't know their way back to the village, but what made them think they weren't continuing on with the girls in the first place? I think the logic is loosey-goosey because the writers just wanted an excuse to have Little build a rickety home to fall apart. While singing. While the group has over-the-top reactions to that. Gags upon gags upon gags.

Continuing on, they arrive at the town and I've gotta say, I really like the design here. The red of the architecture pairs nicely with the deep green sky. As a fantasy aesthetic, I mean. I do wish this had carried over onto the actual streets though. We loose that cohesion among the townspeople and, frankly, they look bad in comparison.

We get a little discomfort from the girls as they navigate among sentient game pieces and we're shown a closeup of a flyer advertising the birthday of "His Most Royal." I'm writing this paragraph having seen Episode 3, so kudos to RT for keeping that title vague. As the groups awkwardly move through the crowd we get what is, hands down, the best line of the Volume so far:

Blake: "Just act like you belong."

Little: "I've always wanted to be long, but I'm still just small."

Hilarious. Witty. 10 out of 10. That's the kind of Caroll-esque humor that could permeate the Volume without undermining the darker tone. Too bad this is currently a one-off moment.

They spot Jinxy's caravan. “So what’s the strategy?" Yang asks, eagerly looking back at her teammates. "Just start roughing 'em up, or what?” Ah yes, Yang. Start an attack with innocent, defenseless civilians all around you. I honestly hate how her solution to everything is still 'Get angry and punch things.' Not because that's a bad trait in a character, but because Yang specifically went through an arc to get better at that. Yet instead of improving, or have a story that engages with her failure, she's just as impulsively violent as she's always been, but now it's treated as a justified response at best, a cute quirk at worst. Here we've got Option #2 with Yang smiling, acting like beating up Jinxy is a fun outing for her and her friends.

And you know what? No, I don't really care that this is all to get her arm back because as the girls should have learned by now, the Ever After doesn't follow their rules. We know, post-scene, that Jinxy is legitimately a conman who knowingly stole Yang's arm, but crucially none of the characters know that. Not for sure. This is a world where mice talk, vines move on their own, people are made out of wood, and most don't even know what a human is. The group should at least be questioning Jinxy's motivations in a world where everything is (supposedly) so topsey-turvey and, in turn, questioning whether it's right to go in gun's blazing. Hell, I actually would have liked that better. Give me a Jinxy who honestly didn't realize he was doing something wrong. You were just lying there, possibly dead, that metal thing is clearly not a part of your squishy body - it detaches! - and as your mouse friend will clearly tell you, it's not stealing if no one sees you do it. What are you so upset for? Give me a scene where Yang has to acknowledge her, 'Attack first, ask questions later' response to every. single. problem. Give me a RWBY where Yang is allowed to be wrong again.

Blake at least tries a peaceful approach. She looks as uncomfortable with Yang's attitude as I am (is that ever going to come up in their budding relationship?) and reminds her that Alyx bartered for her knife back. Yang's response?

"Yeah, I think I'd rather hit him :D"

We get our first real look at Jinxy when he comes out to start his auction. I'll admit this never even crossed my mind while first watching, but uh... yeah. I see what people mean about the Romani stereotyping. The brightly colored, free-flowing clothing. The caravan. The travel (the fact that Jinxy can trick these townspeople implies that he's never been here before; never staying in one place for very long). The characterization as a dangerous charlatan scamming unsuspecting innocents. It's not a one-to-one comparison - stereotypes very rarely are - but there's enough there to catch a glimpse of the writers' bias. It's unfortunately a rather common bias and, as said, one that those like myself won't always immediately spot, but that's why it's important to point it out. There are so many ways of depicting a conman. Why did you choose the version that looks distinctly like a marginalized ethnic group?

The answer is likely just ignorance but again, that's why we discuss such things. We need to help others - and ourselves - do better in the future.

Obviously unaware of the uncomfortable implications, Weiss exclaims that Jinxy is oh so cute and Blake comments that he looks older than he appeared in the book, perhaps providing evidence that a significant amount of time has passed since Alyx fell. We learn that Jinxy screws over people by selling trash disguised as treasure, so Yang will have to let her heart tell her which is her arm.

Spoiler: Yang doesn't use her heart to find her arm. Oh, she correctly identifies her arm, but only because it's the most arm-shaped, yellow colored thing on the stage. I honestly expected that not to be her arm because that's how situations like these go in stories, right? It's never the most obvious choice... but in this case apparently it is! I want to emphasize though that Yang does not choose this because she has an emotional connection to the object. We are explicitly shown what that connection looks like via Ruby and Yang, in comparison, basically points and chooses at random.

So that's an awful way to depict her relationship with an assistive device, but it is consistent. We see Yang first emerge with her arm with very little fanfare - the audience doesn't watch her decide to put it on for the first time, nor do we see her actually experiencing those first moments. From there her arm is used largely for jokes - scaring Nora, new puns - or is left behind to get an advantage in a fight. (Which, I'd like to clarify, I don't dislike on its own, but it is relevant in the grand scheme of how Yang approaches her prosthetic.) Last Volume she's given a line about how it is not an important part of her identity, it continues to be used for humor purposes now, and when a fantasy mouse says, 'What does your heart tell you? Which is your arm?' Yang's response is a straightforward, 'I don't know.' For me, this moment perfectly encapsulates how hollow Yang's disability journey has been, all the way back to her simply not caring that another disabled ally procured her a state-of-the-art device. Though it makes for a lackluster scene, to put it mildly, I admittedly would have scoffed if Yang had felt some call to her arm because when has RWBY ever established that? It hasn't, so yay keeping things consistent I guess?

Also, just the fact that all of Jinxy's wares are bits of trash disguised as treasures says a lot. Unlike my little rewrite above, we don't get any exploration of Ever After's culture that reveals that Jinxy has no idea what this arm is, why it might be important, etc. So literally the narrative is just saying, 'Others think Yang's assistive device is trash' and we leave it at that. Fantastic.

As said though, Ruby does feel a pull towards the little doll on the stage, though she can't say why. As she stares, Jinxy sells his first 'treasure' for... a hug.

...

.....

..........

"And what happened, then? Well, on Tumblr they say that Clyde's small heart grew three sizes that day. And then – the true meaning of RWBY came through, and Clyde found the strength of ten turtles, plus two!”

I'm not gonna lie, I thought that detail was super fucking cute. Hugs acknowledged as incredibly valuable? Hell yeah! I like that the townspeople are paying in ways beyond handing over [insert fantasy money name here]. That's a nice world-building detail and when Jinxy has to give the hug back when his con is exposed? Fantastic. This scene might be struggling like whoa with the larger concepts, but many of the details are really nice.

When it's time to sell the arm both Yang and a nearby royal guard raise their hands. However, Jinxy asks for "knowing what it is to feel love" and, with a glance at Blake, Yang gives up the bid. If they were going to tease the ship some more, maybe specify romantic love? As it stands, Yang should be backing down regardless of whether there's a relationship in the works because love as a broad concept would have her losing everything: love for her sister, her teammates, her family, her home, for adventure. That's not a Blake specific thing, that's a, 'Holy shit he's asking her not to be human anymore' thing.

So it makes sense then that a wooden puppet, nameless and identical to every other guard, existing only to serve "His Most Royal" would be able to pay that price.

Of course, losing what she assumes is her arm (because remember, she doesn't actually know that yet) makes Yang angry. Check out Blake's totally chill, not at all worried, definitely not uncomfortable look.

Finally we come to the doll, which Ruby immediately bids on. However, like Yang's, Jinxy asks too high a price: fill this jar with hope. It's a bit on the nose, but I like the idea, as well as the shot of the doll sitting dejectedly through the jar's reflection.

However, I think this moment would have had far more of an impact if Ruby had tried to fill it. Sure, she's clearly struggling right now, but why doesn't Ruby at least make an attempt? Especially given that one of her most defining traits lately is to sink deeper into denial: I'm fine, everything's fine, we're going to get home, we're going to fix things, why would anyone be doubting that? Of course I can fill the stupid jar! Let her angrily charge up to the stage, snatch the jar, glare in annoyance because duh it's going to fill... but then it doesn't and her expression falls. That's when Jinxy can say, "You can't, can you?" Simply announcing that to the audience is probably the least compelling way to go about this. Oh, our story is telling us things again rather than showing them? Groundbreaking.

While all this is going on Little has scampered up on stage to fucking steal the doll and you know what? Good on Little. That's the first thing they've done that hasn't felt like a waste of time. I especially like that this calls back to the Ever After rule that it's not stealing if no one sees you do it. "Fairs fair," they say.

Given that Little took the 'treasure' before Jinxy received his payment, his spell is broken and all the objects are revealed as the 'trash' they always were. The random citizen finds a mouse in his hands, the guard screams as he sees Yang's arm in his hands, and the doll turns into...

Penny's sword.

(Get it? The green doll was a green sword belonging to a not-real girl? Everyone got it, right?)

Say, did anyone else expect it to be Crescent Rose? Ruby feeling an emotional connection to an object while her beloved weapon is still missing, lost in a world where a Racoon picks up any random objects to sell? That would make a LOT more sense than Penny's sword winding up in the Ever After. As I explained in an ask, Penny made those swords out of her Maiden powers and they disappeared as soon as Cinder struck her in the chest. Of course they did, she likely lost control of her aura/magic as soon as she took a killing blow. But apparently the swords actually hung around despite Penny passing her powers to Winter, despite being dead, and were... blasted? All the way to the edge of the bridge?? From a blow that didn't have any force behind it??? Yeah sure, totally believable.

So instead of resurrecting Ruby's love for the weapon she designed and re-arming her before the team faces any real danger - because there are no battles these first two episodes - we get another emotional moment without a real foundation underneath it. The writers were so eager to continue Ruby's grief arc specifically through Penny (even though SO MUCH has happened that she could be triggered in any number of ways) that they just kinda... forgot to set that up...

I do like the moment itself though. I think Ruby's frantic run to the sword, her gasp, her clutching the sword to her chest and crying over it - all that is well done. Certainly better than much of what we saw in episode one. I just wish this wasn't so freaking contrived.

In the realm of not setting things up, we get another severely awkward moment as the group "escapes." I put that in quotation marks because, well, the problem is that they're not escaping from anything. Jinxy isn't trying to attack them for revealing his con, the townspeople don't mistakenly blame them for things, and though the guards will show up in a bit, they're notably not seen chasing them yet. So we've got Yang and Blake booking it out of there, Weiss walking leisurely away, Ruby barely paying attention, all of it with nothing seemingly happening in the background.

Then they wind up back in the forest with:

Yang [out of breath]: "Those people... take auctions... VERY seriously”

No they don't? This implies that the people were turning on the girls for ruining their auction, but none of the civilians were paying them any mind. The most we see is the guy who bought the bunny getting his hug back which, you know, is kinda the opposite of a mad crowd threatening violence for this deception. Yang functions more as a threat at the start of all this than the group they're supposedly running from. Blake literally starts freaking out about how they're "ruining everything!" and I'm like you didn't? Nothing happened?? I mean, yay Blake continuing to take responsibility for their actions, but in this case the girls legitimately didn't cause any problems. In the story Alyx started a war because she didn't know how to properly deal with the townspeople, so I expected the team's visit to go equally as bad; something to explain Blake having a crisis once they'd left. All they did was reveal a conman though, a conman everyone is only passively angry at. Please give me my hug back, sir, and shame on you for tricking us. We will all calmly disperse now.

I know it's years too late, but RWBY really needs to learn how to show what they want depicted on screen.

We learn that the theories were right about the weather being influenced by others' emotions - or at least Ruby's emotions in particular. As she sits down with Penny's sword a localized storm starts and, in a few moments, we'll hear a guard shout that someone's sad over there. So this is a useful tool for showing (good job!) that Ruby is really struggling right now, even if she appears calm on the outside, and I'd have so much more to praise about the scene if it hadn't been ruined by freaking Weiss.

Seriously, forget Little. Weiss is by far the most annoying character this Volume.

So after Ruby fainted at the news that her dear friend had died, unexpectedly discovered her sword, and now sits with a grief so heavy it magics up a storm to drench them all, her teammates do... nothing. Honest to god they do nothing. Yang has a single, "Ruby?" before the scene is stolen by Weiss having a temper tantrum. She doesn't like Blake's idea that they're following in Alyx's footsteps - even though everything they've done has followed in her footsteps - and starts ranting about how "We are not in a book!" and even if they were, they know the ending takes place at the castle, so let's go. Does Weiss care that Ruby is sitting there in shock, even after she tried to connect with her earlier? No. Does Yang care that her sister is loosing it two feet away? No. Does Blake? Nope. Does the narrative? Absolutely not. Ruby sits in background while Weiss has more stupid comedy moments, getting trapped in a loop and hitting herself in the head with a rock.

I keep seeing celebratory posts about how the show is tackling Ruby's grief, but it's not? It's introducing her grief and then immediately ignoring it. Ruby cries and then finds a cute mouse to distract her. Ruby faints and just brushes past that - she's fine. Ruby finds her dead friend's weapon, but why would we focus on that when we can watch Weiss hilariously knock herself out? I feel like the stock answer to these complaints is always something along the lines of, "They're working up to Ruby's breakdown," but frankly I don't care if they are. The execution is atrocious now and a sudden swerve into respectful storytelling isn't going to change that.

Plus, as I've mentioned previously, these moments don't help convince me that the girls care for each other outside of the dramatic, self-sacrificing actions added to finales. Bad enough that everyone ignored Ruby's faint and extended no care towards her, but now they're literally just standing there as she suffers. This is by no means a new problem, but the heroes have become so passive the last few Volumes. What happened to Black who marched right up to Weiss and let her how important the faunus are to her? The Yang who squared off against her mother just to reach her little sister? Weiss delivering a cup of coffee and checking in with her newly acknowledged leader? Say what we will about Volume 8 - and we've all said a lot - but at least there Yang puts her arm around Ruby and tries to comfort her on the steps, no matter how much denial that comfort required. Now? Now Yang just stands there because again, why comfort her little sister when Weiss is making a fool of herself?

At least this has some basic care and human decency behind it.

"This way!" the royal guards yell. "Someone's sad!" Yeah and her teammates don't care. Sure, we know in the way someone knows who reads the script, or who knows the writers' intentions, that of course Team RWBY all love each other so, so much... but man, would it kill them to show it more?

As the guards show up we get an interesting shot of Ruby that mirrors the one with Jaune's blade--

--and then she pulls herself together enough to face them, deciding that if Alyx went to see the Red King then they will too.

Ruby offers to give the guards “the weapon of a powerful warrior," AKA Penny's sword, and what follows is a legitimately emotional speech:

"[She was] the most powerful [warrior] to ever live. She was touched by magic and she gave her life for thousands. She took a message of hope to the stars and she saw the world through better eyes."

At least, it would be legitimately emotional if it hadn't been undercut, again, by all the comedy. We just had Weiss loosing it. The guards all "OOOOOO" loudly over the sword. Then they burst into exaggerated tears at Ruby's words, complete with their toy horses crying too. I've said it a million times now and I'll say it again: you can't expect me to take these moments seriously if the story can't take them seriously.

Also, I have to ask... why is Ruby giving the sword up? The logic is that they're trying to get to the Red King, but they were already heading to the Red King. That is, the guards were after them, trying to take them into custody for ruining the birthday present. So why bother with this bribe? It's simply not necessary, especially since they're still basically escorted as prisoners, guards on all sides. It's not like these guards are presented as terribly intelligent. All Ruby needed to do was go, "Oh, we're so sorry for ruining His Majesty's special day. Yes, please take us to him so that we can apologize in person. Your Majesty, can we please make it up to you by playing some games? Etc. etc."

The sword is a needless addition and that wouldn't be a problem if it didn't (supposedly) have such emotional impact. Ruby just found this piece of Penny. This is, likely, the last bit of her she'll ever encounter... and she's going to just give that up? Literal minutes after she found it? To a bunch of identical goons who snatch it up and run off in another, stupid gag? Once again, this is not convincing me that Ruby is having an authentic grief arc. She might be sad for the whole Volume, but each individual moment is ignored or "solved" almost instantaneously. To say nothing of the fact that Ruby is without her weapon. She has the PERFECT, practical excuse to hang onto Penny's sword with everyone, characters, and audience alike realizing that her logic is hiding a harder truth: she can't give it up. Not yet. Maybe not ever. But then sure, give me a moment at the end of the Volume when Ruby must part with the sword for some reason, to save another, or further their cause. Giving it up now, especially when it's not necessary, makes the supposed attachment she feels to it ring hollow.

This is just so... meh. I honestly thought we'd be getting an updated version of this for a second.

As they follow the guards to the castle Ruby bitterly tells the girls that they need to "stop pretending we know what we’re doing." Hell yeah, Rubes, that's the first time we've agreed in a while. Whether or not anything comes of this line is still to be seen, but I'm happy that their failure - stemming from arrogant complacency -  was at least acknowledged. It's definitely a hard-hitting line to end an otherwise goofy episode on.

Now! I'm off to try and write up "Rude, Red, and Royal" in... three days🙃

Thanks for reading! <3

#rwde #rwby #mymetas #RWBY Recaps

[the---hermit]

19|10|2023

Today I am all over the place emotionally for no apparent reason. It might be the change of season, or the fact that I haven't felt super well in the past couple of weeks, but today I caught myself going down mental rabbit holes for no real reason. I should really write my thoughts down a bit to get them out of my system and a bit to remember what I want to talk about to my therapist on our next session, but I have no energies for that. I decided to just finih the day under a blanket with a cup of tea shutting my brain up with some podcasts and maybe a bit of reading later if I'll feel like it. I cannot even say it was a bad day, everything was very quiet around me, al the chaos was once again in my head for no reason. I am making a mental effort to focus on the good things of the day and I can count many, like finally being wrapped in one of my favourite scarves in the morning, laughing with classmates, being very active on my daily duolingo lessons. I don't have a conclusion for the day, everything feels chaotic inside me and maybe I should just learn how to accept the chaos and let things be without thinking too much.

Cozy hobbit autumn activities and productivity:

Read first thing in the morning and finally finished my reread of The Book Of Lost Things (and also found out that this September a new book has been released by the author regarding the same world? I have no idea about it but now I want it so bad, I might look into it this weekend)

Enjoyed being wrapped up in my beloved scarf for the first time this season

Survived tbe odyssey that was my commute to uni (it wad a nightmare everything was late and crowded and I had to run to uni, and it's definitely what put me in a bad mood rigjt away, but I got out of it and even managed to chat with a couple of classmates before our lecture)

3 hour English lit lecture (ngl I struggled today, I am thankful I had finished the play on my own already or else it would have been terrible because my brain was not braining)

Walked and laughed for a bit with my classmates after our lecture

Got fresh focaccia for lunch

Daily Irish practice on duolingo

Got cozy and listened to podcasts for my daily dose of escapism

📖: The Book Of Lost Things by John Connolly

#studyblr #studyinspo #uniblr #university #student life #studying #historyblr #cozy hobbit autumn #knife gang #productivity #journal #journaling #mine #the---hermit

[becomingkatie]

Theo is still not doing great. Now that we've been tracking his every litterbox attempt, it's clear that pooping is more of the trouble than peeing. He's peeing about twice a day, but only pooping every three days, and mostly outside the litterbox. Lots of going in and out of the litterbox before every pee and poop, having to try for each. It's heartbreaking, and he's on an all-wet food diet now to boost his hydration, and the vet recommended some additional supplements for his joints (he definitely has some pain) and his urinary tract in addition to pain medications in the hopes that some of the troubles are just that it hurts him to assume the position and not that something worse is wrong internally. But as more time goes on and he doesn't improve, it just gets hard. And of course putting the medicine in his food makes him not want to eat the food, and he won't take pill pockets anymore. He's tired of it. We're tired of it.

We didn't travel for Christmas like we'd planned, because we can't leave him with a sitter and feel comfortable right now. I still haven't mailed my brother and his wife their presents - since we were going to drive, there was no time pressure to prepare, and then when we cancelled our plans everything felt chaotic and I need to actually get them in the mail asap. I finally wrapped all but one, and that one is a mock-up of the pottery stamp and I had to wait for the paint to dry before I could wrap it. I wanted to make something for him to unwrap, but didn't want to buy it without talking with him first so he can decide what the stamp actually has on it, whether it's his signature or a logo or something else.

Since we can't really travel right now and she's semi-retired, my mom is coming to visit us. She's coming up today and staying three nights. It's a long drive at over eight hours. Not as long as the drive I used to make from here down to where she and my dad lived, but still not a fun solo drive. I'm very grateful she's making that drive just to see us, and I'm excited to give her her presents and hug her and have her see Theo. Part of me feels guilty for not traveling and feels like if she sees us mixing medicine into his food multiple times a day, tracking every litter usage, she'll be like "of course you couldn't travel!" Even though she and my brother were already like "do not worry! your cat is sick! stay home and do what you need to! we'll see you when we see you!" and didn't make us feel bad about it.

I'm trying to come up with some ideas for what to do while she's here. I've got food mostly figured out but not activities.

I've also been in a BAD MOOD lately, and I think a lot of it is that the year is ending and a new year is starting and I just feel like I failed this year? Like I feel disappointed in myself for not getting my next book finished and published, and instead of getting in better shape I slid into worse shape, and my head is just a really negative space right now. And when your own head is a negative space, that negativity leaks out. I keep a wall calendar specifically so I can look back at the end of the year and see all the things I did - remember that I started a writing group, that I played DND for the first time, that I grew carrots and turned them into cake, etc. So after Mom leaves when I have some alone time it's imperative that I spend some time turning this headspace around so I can stop spewing negativity. I'm not even enjoying being in my own presence, so I know Ken can't be enjoying it.

This has been... way more negative of a post than I realized! But the wrapping paper I bought this year is super cute, the gift I'm making for my best friend Molly is coming along adorably and I'm really excited to post pics here after I send it to her, and I have a consultation at the hair salon later to talk about cutting my hair and dying it pink! There's good!

#personal #life update #theo

[thelilnan]

little vent

i have been So unhappy with myself recently (at least six months), and I wonder how much is directly impacted by losing my Bubbie last may. or just my own bad choices and bad luck. I don't wanna say it has much, if anything, to do with me turning 30 a few weeks ago. but then again birthdays like that do make you ask yourself "What have I accomplished?"

not a ton, at least not stuff I want to do, especially professionally. somehow i feel like I always miss the boat or everyone knows stuff I don't, even when I try to figure it out, ask questions, take chances. it's frustrating. i graduated with a master's 3 years ago and haven't been able to find anything even remotely related to art. and not that freelancing is necessarily that far off from what I want to do, but hunting down clients is so daunting and unreliable, it's just insulting half the time. so i do commissions and door dashing and while it's okay, it's barely scraping by. and it's not what I want to be doing at 30. just objectively.

i have such a fun time doing conventions though. when the sales are good. but they're not always good, because I serve a niche market. and that's hit or miss. it missed big time this last convention. i didn't break even, and I'm really not in a financial position to lose money.

i don't know. it's a new month and adhd brain says now is the time to start again. so I am. I've given up drinking, at least for this month (my dependency on it has been a little irresponsible and out of control. it's affected my mood, my health, my productivity. i wouldn't say it's alcoholism necessarily, because I dont have any withdrawl symptoms, but it was excessive. anyway.), and i've tried to become more active because i know half my insomnia is linked to unused energy (which would lead me to drink so i could fall asleep, you see the issue here). then i'd wake up at like 2pm, get nothing done, cycle repeats.

but! the last couple days i've gone on walks of at least 1.5 miles, and today (weather related) i did my first 30 min cardio set in over a year. i'm proud of that. it's still not what i wanna be doing, i wish i could just reset myself to 2019 before all these issues came up, before i gained 20 lbs and drank 4 tall beers a night (or more, honestly. worst it got was a bottle of wine in addition to it all) and lost a lot of motivation to even try to develop myself as a person or artist.

but what's that saying? the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. the second best time is today. so i'm doing that.

slow starts. healthy routines will lead to productivity and maybe even a fuckin job. whatever that is!

anyway thanks for reading. please don't fuckin reblog this lmao.

#do not reblog ; #srsly #cw alcohol #cw body image #little zeller things

[minho-hoho]

Sorry if I haven't been really active these days... I guess I've been profiting of my semi-hiatus?

Actually I haven't been feeling too good these two days </3

Anyhow, I wasn't at home today, I had an appointment at the ophthalmologist, then went to do some shopping (quite exhausting but fun~), then I went to my first real appointment with my psychologist!! I'm glad I directly got the psychologist instead of the nurse.. Tomorrow, I won't be here either, pick my glasses, do some shopping and whatnot and idk. Friday I'll try to relax, Saturday I'll go out again!! (really excited about that one hihi)

Just wanted to apologise to my mutuals that have been upset and I couldn't comfort them like I would have liked to. I'll try to be more present and support you all better despite my own bad mood.

To be honest, I've been barely on tumblr, I don't even bother looking at my notifications, so sorry about that too.

I'll stop here because while I had a bit of fun today, my migraines are slowly killing me </3

Sending all of you love and apologies 🤍

#🌇// ¡talk! #trying to up my mood #with listening to let's groove #it's working sksks

[pbandjesse]

I am back in my own bed and I am not so dizzy anymore. Last night was a little rough. I was dizzy for hours and then eventually James came and laid in bed with me and we hung out for a while. I had a snack and that help and I fell asleep. I woke up in a much better mood. I wasn't even in a bad mood. I was in a great mood I just was very busy. But I felt good when I woke up this morning.

I was the last one awake again. I was awake earlier than the day before but that's okay. I jump ring into activity with everyone else. We were making as many eggs as we could because Jess did not want to take them out. And we were all hanging out and it was really nice. It was raining today and so we didn't go to the playground like Dante wanted. And I felt bad about that but honestly I think we had such a good time nobody really was caring. We were just having fun together. Playing music and watching videos and other sports on the tv. People are cooking and cleaning and packing up. And once the tables were clear we got ready to record James's podcast.

And it was fun but it wasn't as active as I would think I would have expected. I think they should have only been able to ask us as Colin people. Basically it was a game show and the three of them, James, Xavier, and Diaz, were asked questions and then we're able to have lifelines if they didn't know the answer. I answered one but only as a hint. Jeff answered one. And gave answered one. And that was fun and it was interesting listening to them. Me and Jeff just kind of kept our heads together and watch tiktoks quietly. And then we were on the wedding app that I have checking things off to see what we've accomplished. And I sent some emails out to a couple people who haven't responded.

Overall though it was a really great morning. But once the podcast was done James got up got right back to cooking to make us tacos for lunch. Honestly for me it was too close to one we just ate breakfast to really want to eat much. But I had two little tacos and they were very good. Then it was packing and making sure that nothing was left behind. The boys took forever to pack up their stuff. I checked up on all the rooms and everyone at the top floor where I was was packed up. Jess and the boys who slept on the couches were done packing up as much as they could with all of the blankets being everywhere. They folded them at least. But then I went down to the first floor where two of the boys were sleeping and their stuff was still on the ground. It was next to their bags but it was not in their bags. So I went to living room and I asked everyone how's your room how's your room how's your room. And the boys that were downstairs were like oh yeah we're packed up and I know you're not, liars! And they were like why did you ask us a question you knew the answer to? And I was just like I was waiting for you to tell the truth.

But with a whole lot of work everything was packed up and cleaned and the fridge was emptied and we were pretty much done by 2:00. There was a lot of up and down the stairs because we were just taking a few things at a time. And it was raining. But I didn't mind it. The house got very warm and so I was glad to be outside even if I was getting a little damp. I'm very glad that I brought my boots and a little jacket.

Honestly me and Jess were talking about us we did a great job packing. We maybe got a little bit too much food but we brought just the right amount of clothes and underwear and everything else. And that was great. It's always nice when you use everything that you brought with you.

We made the plan to go to an antique mall this afternoon. Two of the boys decided they just wanted to go home and so they left after saying goodbye and we all packed up in the cars to go on our antique Mall adventure.

and it was so fun. This place was giant. It was three buildings all connected together. Like Warehouse style buildings. We were there for 2 hours. And honestly it was pretty overwhelming. One of the boys got two overwhelmed and went across the street to go to the comic book shop. And after James spent up to their budget they would join them as well. Dante and Diaz were running around buying so many things. And Jess, Callie, and me we're just kind of wandering and finding really fun stuff.

Callie got a vase that from the botanical gardens that she already collects pieces for. And just got a kitty cat bracelet that's silver that I found for her and two glass pieces of candy. I got myself two little cold bracelets. One is a Cuban chain that I accidentally got stuck on my wrist. And when I brought it home tonight I attached it to another chunky brace that I have and now I have a cool little collar situation. Almost like a choker. And then I got a framed print of a painting that I enjoy. I forget the name of the painting but it has a farmer and his wife and she's sitting in the field breastfeeding. It's from the 1800s and I just think it's like a really lovely seed. I also got some presents for other people. And I just had a really good time. A lot of stuff for not a lot of money. Honestly I would love to go to that one again but there's always other places.

That's the fun of it.

When we finally were wrapping up there, we all used to the bathroom and stood around in the parking lot waiting for everyone to be done paying and everything else they needed to do. And then it was hugs all around. Not they had walked over to get coffee and the boys came back from the comic book shop. We also goodbye and got back into our cars to go to our different cities.

Because me, James, and Callie add almost a 4-Hour drive we went to Starbucks first to get something. But it turned out it was a Starbucks inside of a grocery store. Brandon was behind us and he came inside as well. I'm not sure if he got a snack but James and Callie did and I got a vanilla and peppermint ice milk because their blender was broken but honestly I enjoyed that more then if it was a frappichino.

The drive was nice but very rainy. Sometimes to rainy. But I loved seeing the mountains and we listen to a podcast and it was really nice. We all kind of just chilled and look at the scenery. We actually chatted a little bit more than we had on the drive-in but I think we were all just tired and we would stop for Burger King to get something to eat and then it was just hours till we got home.

Just let me know when they got back and that was good. I haven't heard but I'm assuming the boys all got home okay too. Brandon would follow us for a little while but he is actually in our apartment right now because him and James are watching the new game of thrones. But before we got home we dropped Callie off at her home. I got to meet her parents for the first time. And pet her dog. And then me and James got back here.

We brought everything inside and I unpacked a good amount of it but the living room stresses me out right now because we have so much wedding stuff and things that are displaced. I was able to put all the kitchen stuff back and that helped a little bit. And sweet pea has been so nice since we got home. We even came home to a gift off of our registry and that was very exciting. It's a printer for your phone that prints on polaroids. I've always wanted one of those. And this is a nice one.

Brandon came over and I went to take a bath. I washed my hair and I feel very clean and it's nice. And now me and sweet pea are laying in bed. We have the AC on and that's good because it's very humid. I don't know how much it rained here but it is heavy in the air. I hope that that calms down a little bit tomorrow. I have a lot of stuff I need to get done.

Specifically we are going on our wedding walk through tomorrow with the caterer and David at the venue. And I have a million questions and I'm really hoping that everything is answered and goes really smoothly. Because I am nervous. But that's not till later in the afternoon so I'm hoping that we can get a lot done before that. Not even a lot just some. It's 33 days until the wedding. That is crazy to me. One month.

But now I need to go to sleep. I've had a really lovely day. I got to have so many laughs with James in the car. And I just feel really happy and grateful for the friends that I have. I hope that everyone has a great night tonight. Take care of each other. Be safe. Good night.

[oldguy56-world]

Girls Just Want to Have Fun

In case you haven't heard there is scandal all over Finland in the news today. It seems that their Prime Minister (who was out with some friends on her own personal time, was caught on video.....DANCING!

What is the world coming to? If this is the biggest scandal in Finland it sounds like a great place to live. It's not like she was lying, cheating on her taxes, lying some more, lying about lying, or keeping stuff that doesn't belong to her. She wasn't drunk or stoned, she was just dancing. This is not the first time in history women have been improperly accused of things. Let me give you some examples:

(Before I go any further I want to let you know that after last week's blog I released my interns back into the wild. Their demands were getting outrageous. I will not cuddle with anyone who won't bathe. As a result all of the research that was put into this week's blog was done by me. I just want you all to know how hard I worked to educate you.)

Beginning of time somewhere in the middle east: Eve. Put a naked woman in the proximity of a man, have her get hungry and want some fruit (vs meat) and she is forever painted as the bad one. Can we really blame her for anything?

1250 BC in the city of Troy. Woman goes on a business lunch with her husband. To be polite she smiles at one of the men sitting across the table from her. HE kidnaps her touching off a ten year war. Do we remember him? Nope. But Helen will forever be listed in history.

1060 AD England. A woman is upset because high taxes are hurting her business. In protest she rides naked through town. Did this hurt anyone? No. Lady Godiva was scorned for her brazen act. Good news is that her chocolate business is still alive and thriving to this day.

1692 Massachusetts: On a hot muggy day a group of women on a hike in the woods take off their clothes to cool down. All are in a good mood so they decide to dance, Shortly thereafter they are all tried and executed for being witches. The patterns I see from the ones so far are women should never get naked or dance. If they do both they will pay the price. On the bright side just last week they were acquitted of any wrongdoing. I am sure they are ecstatic about this.

1892 Massachusetts: Lizzie Borden did not get naked or dance. She read an ad that they were looking for lumberjacks out west and this interested her. Her parents were fully in support of this and even spent time helping her to train for the job. Unfortunately there were a couple of missteps involving her and her axe but luckily the jury saw this for what it was and acquitted her. Word of caution. If you are a woman avoid Massachusetts. They don't seem to be too tolerant there of your fun activities.

1930's USA: Ma Barker was a good family woman who just wanted to spend more time with her kids. They liked to get out and have some fun so as a good mother she went along with them. They visited banks, stores, even the post office as she showed them pieces of Americana. Did not end well for her. Special shout out to Bonnie Parker who liked to travel to the same kind of places with her boyfriend. It was the 30's and everyone knew that in the states at the time a woman's place was in the home.

1980's to now. Madonna. too recent to see how history will treat her although she does get naked a lot and dance a lot. I'm just saying.

THOUGHT OF THE WEEK: It is okay to have fun but know your audience.

[papercherries]

I try to refrain from writing full pieces on my phone but I don't think I can bare to turn on my computer and look at all my tabs. It's too much to think about. I think the touchscreen keyboard removes a sense of physicality from my writing. The actuation of the keys is a cathartic experience for me and helps me feel physically connected with the things I write.

I'm not depressed, at least not at the moment. I'm not happy either. I don't want to sleep but I am tired. I feel like there's a hole in my chest. Shot straight through. My chest is tight and my throat is raspy. I am ill but I feel fine. I keep thinking, I wish I existed. I know I exist, these words are proof of that. Sure it could all be a simulation of some kind but that doesn't take away from the fact I exist, even as a line of code or a jolt between synapses.

I think it's because I felt today wasn't very productive. However I have had less productive days. I went to the shops to get bread and carrots (not for the same meal), I finished a game I had been playing, I received a reply from a message I'd sent to an actor. But I think the real issue comes from one of my daily activities.

Everyday for around 1-6 hours, I'll play guitar. I mean that very loosely, whether I'm just playing with chords or playing short instrumentals I know off by heart. At minimum, an hour of that time is spent singing as well. It's how I release a lot of energy and emotions. If I'm sad I'll usually play sad songs (not exclusively mind you), if I'm frustrated or angry ill play heavier songs (though 90% of the time they're played with bare acoustic with no amp because I don't wanna annoy my flatmates anymore than i do). If I'm happy I'll just play whatever I feel like.

It's extremely rare that I am ill (not including hangovers and physical injuries from violence), usually it doesn't affect me too badly either. I'll have small headaches and my shoulders tend to hurt but besides that I look fine. However, sometimes my throat will dry up. Usually it's not too bad either, sometimes happens after shows and such. Just a mixture of illness and concert screaming. But very rarely will I not be able to sing afterwards. Mind you, I'm still able to sing songs that don't require that part of my throat. Though it's difficult I can play around it. Though recently I've been playing heavier songs and testing with more shouting and heavier vocals. I find it incredibly fun though I imagine my neighbours don't. It's also great for letting off lots of energy I tend to build up, I always have pent up energy so it's always nice to get it out.

I dare say I'm quite good at singing as well, though you may not be able to tell from my practice as I tend to try to push myself and experiment and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. If I had to curate something though, it probably would be a ok show. Though my stage fright is quite bad, though I can shake it off. My guitar is probably much less commendable but I haven't been doing that one my whole life so it's fair. Plus I'm completely self taught, though I have reached a point where I feel I just need to get physically better before I continue learning more mentally. Once I can play barre for 10 minutes straight I'll feel happier. Got weak little hands.

My point being, I couldn't do that today. I did some songs that had that more heavier feel, I even leaned into the sickly, rough feel with some bright eyes songs I knew would fit it. But I was really in a screaming and shouting mood, it just wasn't possible. I can't even talk in my normal voice, I'm like an octave lower than I usually am. So I've been singing a lot lower than usual today, a lot calmer as well. I probably shouldn't sing at all but I don't think that's possible. I'm the type to pipe, I'll sing to myself at every given moment of silence. For kitchen tasks, I find country songs are the ones that usually show up. Hallelujah comes up a lot in general (Leonard Cohen). When I'm cleaning, lots of indie songs. Sometimes I even have my own songs. I made a lovely little song that has a repeating chorus that is probably the catchiest thing I've ever conceived. Not being able to do that consistently as well has been awful.

Other small things it has affected. Me and my housemate are like blind cats. We meow to alert one another of our presence. If they don't meow back then they're not in their room. I mean I think we just do it out of habit but I need to give a real reason. I can't make a realistic meow. That pitch is completely locked off from me right now. I also can't make funny sounds! I can't say yipee! In a high pitched voice. I can't do a muscle man impression. The best I can do is a rough aussie accent where nobody else gets what I'm referencing. This is peak comedy my friends are missing out on. They're gonna love it when I rewatch big lez.

I hate being without the full potential of my voice. It's driving me up the fucking wall. I need it to fix itself within 3 days or I am fucked. I've got a concert and it's gonna be shouting and screaming and moshing and jumping. I need my voice. Throat soothers, whiskey and ice cream. Though I can't afford any of those so I'll just have to steal the throat soothers and ice cream.

Anyway rant over, this one will be interesting to explain at therapy.

#creative writing #spilled thoughts #writing

[timeoverload]

The past couple days have been ok I guess. Nothing that exciting has happened. I had too much to do last night so I couldn't be on here that much. It's difficult for me to be active on here when I have a lot of stuff to do or when I'm exhausted. I'm not upset about anything or trying to ignore anyone.

It has been busy at work like usual. I heard earlier that it's not supposed to slow down until the end of February so that will be fun. It's rarely that slow anymore.

I know I said I wasn't going to say anything about him anymore but the morning team lead was making me so uncomfortable earlier. He had a migraine and was in a bad mood. I got to work and he was in a rage because they couldn't find the robot accessory tray. I know he isn't intentionally trying to direct his anger towards me but it feels that way when he's swearing and yelling very loud right next to me. I'm generally very calm in those situations and I always try to help people find things. I know that it wasn't worth getting that upset about. They ended up finding it and discovered that someone wrapped the instruments in the wrong pan by mistake. He got so pissed off and was talking to me like I was the one that fucked up. He is so rude and I don't think he realizes it. I ended up having to leave the room and stand in the hallway outside the operating rooms just so I could avoid being alone with him while he was continuing to throw a tantrum. He is off next week and I'm glad about that.

I have been wanting to talk to the director about it but he has way too much to worry about right now and he has been working 12 hour shifts every day. Thankfully my boss is back from medical leave but she isn't working very much so I can't talk to her about it. Hopefully I can talk to someone sometime.

We are still having lots of computer problems and it's making it so hard to get things done. I used to be able to load the autoclave in 30 seconds but now I have to stand at the computer and wait for the program to load. It reminds me of having to use dial-up for internet and I don't miss that. It doesn't help that the computer that is connected to the autoclaves is like 10 years old and needs to be replaced. It's not a huge deal but it's a little inconvenient. There's not much I can do about it anyway.

I don't know if I'm going to be able to take both the 2nd and the 3rd off now. I forgot I have to use PTO for Christmas so I think I will be 2 hours short. I will probably end up working on the 3rd anyway but it's alright I guess. I don't really have anything planned.

I was limping a lot most of the day. I wore my clogs for the last time yesterday. They used to help me so much but now they are too heavy. I wore regular shoes today and it still felt like I had a sandbag strapped to my leg. I thought they might make walking easier but it didn't help that much. I'm not sure what to do about it but I will manage. I tried to get up a little bit ago after sitting for a while and I lost my balance because my leg gave out on me. It's very tingly right now. I'm afraid I'm going to fall sometime but I hope that doesn't happen. It would be nice if my leg felt better tomorrow.

I got off work on time so that was nice. I came home and I cleaned the cat fountain. I tried to clean Soupy and Salazaar's ears by myself and I was unsuccessful. I think I need to take them in the bathroom or something and close the door so they can't run away and hide. It's hard to chase them around and wrangle them up when I'm not moving very fast. I was able to do it last night and of course they hate it so I think they are afraid of me now. I just want them to be healthy.

I'm really hoping that at least one pair of my glasses are ready by Friday because I'm having a hard time. It would be nice to have a couple of days to adjust to them. I wish they didn't cost so much but I'm still looking forward to getting them anyway.

I don't haven't much else to say. I really don't want to do anything the rest of the night and it's hard to get up. I wish I could shut my brain off and relax. I think I'm going to make some food sometime soon and get ready for bed. I need to go to sleep earlier tonight. I'm hoping that tomorrow will be ok.

I hope everyone has a good day tomorrow!!! 💖💖💖

#personal