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xetswan · 2 months

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Switch of Daylight- Cliffs

(Alice x Reader x Jasper)

[Ten] [Eleven] [Twelve]

Someone knocks on the truck door, startling me. I thought it was going to be Charlie but when it was Jacob instead, my eyebrows furrowed.

He opens the door and forces me to scoot over. I then look at the door to see Bella waving and then entering the house. "You apologized?" I asked, holding myself tightly. Not caring about anything else.

"Yes, and I need to apologize to you as well." He doesn't look me in the eyes as he says this. "It's fine Jake." I shrug it off but he disagrees.

"It's not fine. I didn't understand anything and immediately jumped on you. You're nothing like the Cullens." He says, I look up at him. "Jacob, the Cullens have done nothing to you." I cross my arms, "whatever, that's not the point of this talk. I should've never said those nasty things about you. Your situation... it's pretty serious and I'm sorry." He sincerely says in a soft tone. "I have another thing to bring up to you." He tells me and I nod for him to keep talking, bringing my knees up to my chest as I listened.

"Victoria, that red headed chick. You know she's after Bella-" "Yes I already knew that." I chuckled, "why?" My nose scrunches, confused on why he would bring something up I already obviously know.

"Well you know she's after you too right?" He asks, giving me a serious look and then I see in the forest line, Sam and Paul's wolves poking out. "Yeah, Laurent might've mentioned it." I look back to him, now tensed up from the conversation.

"I don't think it's to kill you though. I think she wants to trigger the curse." Jacob says, he's hesitant though. I think Sam fully explained everything to him for which I'm grateful but he should know I don't think I could ever truly trust him again. "Finish what James was trying to accomplish." I finish Jacob's words. Now thinking it all over. Before he turned me he said he wanted me to turn into a vampire so he could kill me and it would be permanent. But he didn't know if that was actually true.

"She figured out what James wanted to know." I sigh out, putting my head down.

He pulls me into his arms and I actually felt a tear pass my eyes, startling me but nothing that's supposed to make sense is anymore so I ignore it. "I'm scared, Jake." My body trembles as he holds me a little tighter.

"Hey, it's okay." He assures me, "we're gonna keep you safe." Even in the arms of Jacob all I can think about are Alice and Jasper.

The next day I decided to go hunting myself. I haven't gotten to do so in a while and I need to have enough strength to not react to other people's blood.

I'm not going to get into anything gory, of course attacking an animal I try to keep to a minimum due to the guilt I feel. Even if this is the better way I still hate doing this. Yeah, I ate meat as a human but I didn't have to do the killing to eat it. To my left I hear leaves rustling, almost scaring me until I realized it wasn't as close as I thought. Moments later a large body makes its way from the trees. I shake my head, smiling. "Hey Jake, Embry." I acknowledge the one behind him.

Jacob nods his head slightly, coming over to look at the animal I covered with leaves, then turning to look at me. "I uh, feel bad." I rub the back of my neck before wiping the blood from my mouth.

"Still on the search for Victoria?" I question as if I could understand them. I mainly go by body language. Embry huffs meaning they definitely still are. That was until we heard a laugh. Jacob gets in front of me and then we see a glimpse of red hair.

Jacob and Embry go after her as I stand there confused on if I should go help or not, then I remember I told Bella I'd meet her back at the house after hunting.

Racing home I get there to see Bella's truck gone. I begin to panic, using my speed ability to check around the house before thinking next of where she could be.

The guys weren't supposed to allow her to leave so most of them might be chasing after Victoria. I hurry up and go to the Rez. Fuck, I don't know where she could be around here.

I run to Sam's house, banging on the door like a mad woman. It swings open and his face is furrowed.

"[Name], what happened?" I push past him in the house. "Where's my sister?" I look around, going into the kitchen then searching in other rooms. Only to bump into another woman.

"Sam, what's going on?" The woman asks, I push past her as well, going to go outside but Sam stops me.

"This is [Name], Bella's sister. And what's going on, why are you freaking out?" He questions me, I grow antsy, not wanting to answer him as I was just trying to find my sister. "[Name], what's going-" "Bella, where is she?" I glare at him. "You said you guys were gonna keep her safe, she was supposed to be at the house, where is she?" I start to grip back on his arm, visibly hurting him but I was not doing too goof. "It's okay, she was was just here." Sam attempts to calm me down.

"Yeah, she was looking for Jacob." The girl speaks up, I glance back at her. Then something comes back to me. The cliff. She wanted to cliff dive. "Thank you!" I point to the random woman I've never seen before.

Speeding out of the house, practically ripping my body out of Sam's grasp.

Arriving at the Cliff I look around, seeing Bella's truck parked. I hurry towards the water, Bella's body was falling to the water. "Bella no!!" I scream. She hit the ocean.

"Bella!" I cry out. Moments pass and then her body pops out. A huge relief settles in my body. Panic still over washed my face nonetheless. "Yes!" She laughs. Then a wave crashes over her, pulling her under the water. Without thinking I dive into the water once I hit the water I open my eyes, searching for Bella.

It takes longer than I liked but once I found her, her eyes were closed. I just barely grab her by her sleeve, once I have her I fix my grip to her waist. Swimming out of the water, making sure her head is above it.

Getting onto shore I try to remember what to do. I hear footsteps behind me as I begin CPR. "Oh my god, Bella." It was Jacob behind me, he gets down to his knees as well on the other side of her.

"Bella, please." I beg with her, dread entering my body. Jacob and I lift her torso up, hitting her back. Finally she spits out water.

"Bella!" "Bella can you hear us?" Jacob asks. "[Name]...? Jake?" She's attempting to focus on us, mainly staring at me. Sam stands behind us. "She'll be alright." He tells us, I stand up letting Jacob lecture her as mine will be far far worse.

I go over to Sam.

"Sorry..." I mutter. "Sorry?" His eyes widen slightly, surprised I'm talking to him to begin with. "For pushing past you, searching your house." I say, holding myself. Weirdly just now feeling the water drip from my clothes.

"Who was that girl?" I suddenly ask as he stayed silent after my apology. "That's Emily, Paul's imprint." He informs me.

I nod my head a little bit. "Oh," Was all I said in return before joining Bella and Jacob again.

"Get them home, I'm heading to the hospital, I'll meet you there!" Sam shouts over to Jacob who only nods in return. Sam jogs off.

"Why would you jump? Didn't you notice it's like a hurricane out here? You're lucky [Name] got here in time." Jacob turns back to my sister. "I know. It was stupid- Sam said hospital- someone's hurt?" She asks and then I realized what was said too and we both stare at him waiting for an answer.

"Harry Clearwater had a heart attack." He informs us. I close my eyes, knowing that's going to be heartbreaking for our dad. "Oh my god- does our dad know?"

"He and my dad are both over there." He says. "Will Harry be okay?"

"I don't know. Come on. I'll find you both something dry and drive you guys home." He tells us, helping my sister up. She then falls into my arms and we walk together as I hold her from the side.

Jacob both found us jackets but it was kind of irrelevant for me as I don't feel cold. Bella shivers though so Jacob pulls her close.

"Hundred and eight degrees over here." He smiles, she tucks herself further into him. "Must be nice, never getting cold." She says to the both of us, mainly to Jacob so I stay quiet. "It's a wolf thing." He shrugs it off. "It's a Jacob thing. You're just... warm." She compliments him. "Like the sun." He grins.

I roll my eyes from the subtle flirting he's trying to pull off. "Like the sun." Bella repeats him.

"Which like always comes back. You can count on me." He sincerely tells her. She only nods though. I feel her grow awkward. "There are other cool things about all this, like- I heal fast. Wanna see me stab my hand?" He jokingly messes with her. "Yeah, 'cause that would be fun." She sarcastically responds.

Jacob pulls the truck into our house. "So... this wolf thing's not all bad?" She changes the subject, I still decide to stay quiet. I feel tired almost which is weird but ignored like everything else has been. "It's better. Not that you know. But..." He grows quiet. "But..." She says, egging him on to continue. "It's just... comes so easily to me. More than the other guys."

"That's a good thing, isn't it?" She tilts her head.

"Maybe. Or maybe it makes me less human than the others." I notice him glance at me then back to Bella. It was quick, not exactly intentionally but I saw it.

"Sometimes I'm scared I might disappear, you know? Who I really am." Bella looks him directly in his eyes and this where I take it as a sign to get out of the truck.

They of course noticed it due to Bella's truck being so nosey but they continued with their conversation. I leaned against the truck, wanting to wait for Bella before I went into the house. I closed my eyes thinking about how Bella might not have made it. Moments later Bella opens her truck door but Jacob pushes her back into the trucking slamming her door before grabbing me and leading me back into the vehicle as well. "There's a bloodsucker out there." He says.

"Hey! Excuse me!" I motion to myself, I get a quick apology but then I notice the sense of another as well. "How do you know?" She questions. "He can smell us. Wolves and Vampires have distinct smells." I tell her.

"Yeah, and they reek. Sorry [Name] but it's true. And I'm getting you guys out of here." He pulls out of the driveway, whipping the truck around. "It's not Victoria!" I shout. And both Bella and I look in the driveway again. Realizing who it is. "Yeah, stop, it's not here!" Bella screams.

"Forget it." He shakes his head.

"It's Carlisle's car! They're here. Go back!" Bella orders him but he doesn't listen. "It's a trick-" He floors it so I take Bella, opening the door and jumping out causing Jacob to slam the breaks. I try to careg Bella bridal style, going to run off to the house but Jacob gets in front of us. I slowly put my sister back down. "Stop, you guys gotta come with me." He desperately says to us.

"It's okay. They're my friends." Bella argues. "Jacob something might be wrong if they're back." I plead with him. "Don't you get it? If a Cullen is back here, this is their territory. The Treaty says we can only defend our own lands." He explains to us.

"It's not a war." Bella disagrees. "It is. And you'll only be safe in La Push. I can't protect you here anymore." This isn't about me anymore. I'm only plus one because I'm Bella's sister.

"I don't need you to-" "You're about to cross a line." He cuts her off. "Only if you draw one." Bella states. We begin to move past him but he stops us. "I'm not letting you two do this." He says.

"You don't have a choice. We- I don't belong to you." She says, knowing it will hurt him, and it does. She sees it but she knows she can't take it back. He hands her the keys. "Bye, Bella. I hope you both don't die." Bella flinches from his words, he disappears in the woods. Leaving us in the road so I take the keys from her. Grabbing her arm so we can continue our way to the house.

But as we begins rustling noises start. She freaks out but I smell the scent of who it is and I instantly let Bella go. She screams though, stopping once she sees who it is. "Alice!"

"You're... alive." Alice seems confused. I stand back, completely silent at the sight of her. Bella hugs her. "Oh my god, Alice. You're here." Bella grins. "I heard voices- I didn't think it was you two but- you're alive." She repeats herself from the first time. "You keep saying that." Bella chuckles anxiously.

"I saw you- a vision of you- you jumped off a cliff. I knew I'd be too late but- Why the hell would you try to kill yourself?!" She suddenly grows angry. "I didn't I was cliff diving." Bella corrects her.

"Why?!"

"Um... fun?" Bella even questions it herself, knowing her answer isn't a good one. "That was fun for you." Alice looks her up and down. "Until I hit the water." She nods. "I have never met anyone more prone to life-threatening idiocy... and what is that hideous dog smell on the both of you?" Oh so she can acknowledge my existence.

"Oh, probably Jacob. He's kind of a werewolf."

Masterlist

A&J M.L.

I am sorry for the weird ending of this chapter. Also I obviously switched up Paul and Sam to go with my story lol.

Taglist: if you want to be added lmk!

@stevenandmarcslove

@steh-lar-uh-nuhs

@kisekihany

@aureliacorvina

@l3ejm

@marit332

@marsyay78

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kusokurae01 · 18 days

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y’know, I somewhat recall you saying you had your own J&H adaptation, Any fun facts about it itself or J&H? (You give me asks I’ll give you one right back)

Hello, although I only have the 0,1% completed which is like, a summary of eight/nine months of work, I am still very excited to share my little alternative universe; it takes inspiration from many other adaptations, mainly the musical and The Glass Scientists. A lot of things are placeholders for something bigger and completely original, and it's supposed to blend with actual history, meaning that in some way it is historically accurate at some extent, considering I am making extensive researches about the Victorian Era and how it works, with the help of books and articles online. It's quite hard to make it 100% accurate of course, but most Jekyll and Hyde adaptations tend to ignore the fact that this is set in a very specific period of time, and they also tend to focus more on which character sucks the most dicks rather than the original message(s) of the novella. I don't like stories which solely focus on the characters being queer and that's clear, and while LGBTQ+ is included in Apotheosis, that doesn't mean that its the main focus; sure, it is talked about, but it's a part of the story and not the main story. I'm not saying that there should be a correct way of writing adaptations, but rather, that the world should feel alive and dynamic. It is important to establish worldbuilding, and make it a present part of the story, because it SHAPES the characters. I think that whilst you do not need a degree in history to write about J&H or the victorian era, it's important to know at least the basics of how the society worked, the advancements and how they affected society, etc.

Now, the victorian era is quite interesting when it comes to progress. In 1879 the first psychology laboratory was established in Germany, and many other advances in medicine were made, there were the first feminist movements, the two industrial revolutions (second in 1870-1914), what I'm trying to say is that the 19th century is a very important period of our time, at least for eurocentric history, and it's so curious to think how some of these inventions are just two centuries old. Not to mention that by 1888, the Bloody Code (which was how the severe law system of England was called, which focused on social punishment rather than rehabilitation, and the death penalty was very common even for lesser crimes by public execution) had been largely replaced and the death penalty wasn't in use anymore. The world was changing and advancing, and what does that mean for the most conservative classes, especially those who were in high favor to such horrible practices, especially when towards the lower and most despised classes? What does it mean for the poor and ostracized, especially considering the precarious conditions of orphanages, poorhouses and such? Fun fact: this was one of the battles the Crown itself, or rather, Queen Victoria, as a woman and mother, advocated for this, especially when most of its components were children, which were there for various reasons. And what about the emerging middle classes, the so despised noveau nobillty?

Medicine was both revered and feared, because while advancements were made in medical science, many treatments were still primitive and often painful. Additionally, the lack of understanding about germs and proper sanitation led to high mortality rates in hospitals, contributing to a general fear and distrust of medical practices among the public; not to mention that writers were starting to talk about the dangers of medicine (ex. Frankenstein), not to mention that there was the Royal Society that, while it promoted scientific inquiry, knowledge and collaboration, it certainly would've found itself debating about the inclusion of rogue science as effectively, a science.

It is important to know the rest of the hystorical context in which Apotheosis finds itself in, which is that of a very important migration of citizens from Ireland to London (including jews who were fleeing from the pogroms, popular riots against religious minorities which were happening in the Russian Empire), and all of them gathered in the East End of London, where Whitechapel was. It didn't take long for overpopulation (which was already a recurring issue in London) to happen, and for Whitechapel to be redeemed a generally unsafe place like all the other slums, not to mention all the popular disorders and the increase of violent repression from the London Metropolitan Police (ex. Bloody Sunday, which caused at least two deaths, it was basically a manifestation in which the Social Democratic Federation advocated for the end of unemployment, better working conditions and a right to vote for all adult men, other than supporting the Irish National League against the oppression the british were putting them through); it's in this context, that from august-november of 1888, Jack the Ripper terrifies London; 16 are the suspected victims, 5 the ones which had been confirmed, but what if I told you that there is actually more to this tale, when people thought that the Ripper was still amongst them due to how ineffective the police system was at the time, and that some murders associated with him weren't actually the Ripper's doing?

General Lord Glossop, a member of the council which oversees the Royal Society, was found dead after attending the funeral of His Grace, the Bishop of Basingstoke. The body was found the next morning, January 1889; the method of killing appeared to be strangulation as confirmed by trained medical professionals. This was the second governor who happened to die under mysterious circumstances which, were associated with the Ripper itself, as the methods were basically the same. On December 1888, the body of an unidentified underage prostitute and the terribly mutilated corpse of His Grace, the Bishop of Basingstoke, were found in the streets of a London slum, following the same criteria of that which seemed to reflect that of Jack the Ripper.

A member of the Marchetti family, Miss. Maia Marchetti, requested an immediate revision of the autopsies to prove that the killer wasn't Jack The Ripper, but rather another unnamed man who yet had to be caught; she founded her thesis on the two, crucial facts that the murderer had only ever killed members of the aristocracy and one single prostitute for the sole fact that she could've potentially acted as a witness for the case, and there wasn't any fury exhibited towards her corpse, and Thomas Bond (profilier of Jack The Ripper) stated that the Ripper didn't have any anatomical knowledge, and the body appeared to have been mutilated with such a precision which could only belong to those with a great anatomical knowledge, possibly a doctor.

On another note, she had managed to gather ten prostitutes together, who worked in the same zones where the homicides happened, to declare in a written letter to Scotland Yard, that an unknown, violent and unpleasant man with an odd fascination with sadomasochism, had been with them. However, this request was denied, and the letter archieved, until the inspector on the case Scott Newcomen presented the same thesis, thus obtaining a revised autopsy report, this time conducted by Dr. Hastie Lanyon, who brought some interesting discoveries to the table. It is important to note to the case that, the two men had died because of a basilar skull fracture, while the prostitute seemed to truly have died because of strangulation, like it had already been ascertained.

Due to the sheer brutality of the murders and the fact that they involved members of the aristocracy, the media was following this case with great attention, and reporting on it extensively (and of course great pressure was put on the authorities to solve the crimes quickly). Considering that this man happened to principally target members of the upper classes who had a significant role in society, save if there were any eye-witnesses, speculations that these might be murders made for socio-politic reasons committed by a member of the lower classes, seeing the location and circumstances, caused heightened tensions between social classes.

Other members of the council, such as Lady Beaconsfield and Sir Archibald Proops, perished under the same circumstances. An interesting parallelism is that many unreliable letters were sent to Scotland Yard and to Central News Agency; some were written by well-intentioned citizens, providing information towards the capture of the killer; however, the majority of them were deemed useless and consequently ignored. Hundreds of letters were written by people claiming to be the killer, and although this letter wasn't redeemed important and considered a fake, and consequently scrapped, a letter had been signed with the name Edward Hyde. And that's how people started to identify the man. Another letter described the man as someone who had a rancid aura around him, with an area of deformity which couldn't be quite explained by any actual malformations; he had long, golden locks. And unfortunately, these were the only small details which also happened to have been confirmed in the first letters those ten prostitutes wrote. A first rough identi-kit and criminal profile was made by Dr. Hastie Lanyon.

The slayings were the handiwork of a solitary individual, a robust young man aged between eighteen and twenty-three, possessed of a brazen yet unflappable demeanor, bearing obscure physical anomalies difficult to discern. Though yet too youthful to grace the circles of high society, Edward Hyde presented himself in attire befitting a gentleman of esteem, maintaining habitual visits to dens of iniquity, whilst displaying a remarkable acumen in matters anatomical, suggestive of a scholarly pursuit, perhaps that of the medical sciences.

The fact that it was clearly a member of the aristocracy seemingly fell deaf to the ears of the media, which constantly sidetracked the police investigations, misleading them and accusing innocents of being Edward Hyde and fabricating evidence with the excuse of pursuing justice, when in reality this just caused more social disadvantages and disorders which ended with popular uprisings; an interesting phenomenon to note, is that of many women sent romantic letters to those who were suspected to be Edward Hyde, and many visited the locations in which the murders happened in hopes of meeting the Prince of Disaster.

#.txt #the strange case of dr jekyll and mr hyde #jekyll and hyde

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ladycamillewrites · 1 year

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Against the odds

Chapter 4 - Mister Kray

Word count: 4,5k

a/n: Chat Style - description of the movie plot and characters they play

warnings: 18+ filming of sex scene, language, toxic ex - gaslighting

masterlist

“Damn! Mister Hiddleston!” You hollered grinning. A playful appreciation of Tom's look as he emerged from the little studio where all your make-up artists and costume designers were swirling around like busy bees.

The first two weeks of filming were already over still leaving you with tons of unshooted material left. It was amazing to work with Tom and Jef Goldbloom who played your father, the third and last of the bigger roles.

The first week was mainly a 'getting to know each other' when the group clicked immediately. Tom and you had quickly revived the ever simmering embers of your friendship while he and Jeff recently had worked together in Ragnarok. He was incredibly sympathetic and so was the female director Anne.

You were happy these days. Acting, especially working with such sunshine people was a blissful distraction.

Tom's sharp features were highlighted by a pinch of make-up while his athletic form was slipped into a dark brown suit, visibly tailor made and clinging to his limbs like mysterious snake skin. Damnit, how were you even supposed to remain professional and not drool over your co-star who looked like a storybook villain?

So that’s how you ended up with a few funny remarks and quips to distract your clouded brain from unholy thoughts about Hiddlecharm as you began to call him. It was Chris’ idea but admittedly one of his better ones.

Tom's low chuckle rumbled through his chest, the dark timbre resonating against your eardrums. Whoever exactly picked him, thank you, you thought marinating in the soothing pitch.

He had slipped into his role already, a piece of cake for the incredibly talented actor as you realized while watching him shoot his first scenes. It seemed like he was Mr Kray, radiating exactly what you would expect when reading the script. No, even more. Even more intense.

“Or should I say, mister Kray, sir?” you purred, theatrically descending the few chairs you had sat on waiting for him to shoot your very first scene together. Not gonna lie, you were anxious as hell although everyone had told you how you were doing a great job. The executive producer even called you a perfect match for Victoria after your first scenes in the snobby law office with Jeff.

But the alluring thought of shooting with Tom, the man you were supposed to fall for at first sight and lose your grace along the ride was something utterly different. Something that could actually bring you uncomfortably close to your boundaries.

“You look gorgeous, y/n” the handsome Brit snickered as you joined him on his way to the set; a scenery on the huge property of the London film company. A street, wet from this afternoon’s rain and slightly darkened due to the late hour was the perfect background for Alexander and Victoria's first encounter...

Victoria Desmond, a young, ambitious lawyer, living up to the expectations of joining her well-known father's law firm. The best in whole London, especially when it came to criminal defence. Victoria didn’t have a clue whether her dad John was involved in some shady business ventures but she didn’t and shouldn’t care about his ways anyway. The young woman was awfully intelligent, a shooting star in her métier not to mention the sex appeal she should radiate throughout the film by wearing tight pencil skirts and not fully buttoned up blouses. She was the perfect innocent temptress who would drown in the underworld, mercilessly pulled by Alexander Kray and his criminal charm.

Coming to Kray - a ruthless criminal dominating the UK's filthy underworld under the pretense of a fake company selling luxurious jewelry. The company wasn’t fake at all yet small and exclusive but still making a remarkable amount of money. Enough to launder bloody money and to present Kray in a white vest. After a mole had done some damage the prosecutor’s office got ahold of some sensitive documents. Kray seeked help at the countries most prestigious law firm; Victoria's dad's. Of course, the case ended up on her desk making her defend a criminal who had told her everything about his dirty business as if it was nothing and slowly pulled her mind under a numbing spell of devotion. Eventually, she turned her back on the dream of becoming London's chief prosecutor and defended Mr Kray she had been stumbling in a steamy affair with.

God, it had been a lot to take in after you first read the whole script in one night, four cups of coffee had fallen victim to your binge-session. The piece was dramatic, captivating to the last sentence and most of all; fucking steamy. You had no idea about how the hell you would manage three, THREE sex scenes while the first was already nearing but more like in the frightening speed of a sprint instead of a marathon.

It was a heavy challenge without any equal. Especially since you were completely inexperienced in the field of acting, ergo also in faking literal sex.

You had watched every single one of Tom’s films in the last week. Admittedly, you must’ve had watched them at least more than ten times now but of course that was and should remain your little secret. He was a marvel, an absolutely gifted actor nailing everything single role he had played so far. The way he conveyed all the feelings in romantic scenes was dreamy and the intimate parts were… nerve wrecking.

No wonder the Hiddlestoners were very numerous and ambitious.

Thomas Sharpe? Fucking hot. Robert Laing? God above. Jonathan Pine? Yes please.

He made it look so natural, so real that it was terrifying once your brain snapped back in your own reality. The times you could manage to actually focus on the acting behind the tantalizing scenes, what was unfortunately pretty rare, you were utterly amazed. It was a double-edged sword; on the one side it was relieving to have an experienced friend guiding you through all that but on the other side you were afraid of the close contact, the act you had to display whereas 'act' was meant in the full sense of the word.

The last time you truly had been intimate with someone was before you and Nate finally broke up. Needless to say it made you extra sensitive to the topic in general. A dumb, humiliating comment of your ex as soon as the movie would be on screen was practically bound to occur only making it harder to work up the nerve to film those scenes.

But Tom was undeniably good looking and you would have given your life to be intimate with him all those years ago. Those few weeks he had spent in your damn house, day and night.

God, you were so torn. It started to get on your nerves.

It was a toxic combination of verdancy in this industry, the fear of failure, malaise due to your traumatic breakup and unstoppably growing emotions for the hot Brit. A perfect mess and you were praying for someone to declutter your heart and mind.

For Tom on the contrary it was the perfect opportunity to explore his villainous talents he had developed by bringing Loki to live. Naturally, he was about to elongate his success streak. deliver the Alexander Kray everyone would be stuck thinking about even weeks after watching 'The Moralizer'.

The first time you had seen him acting and developing the incredible persona of Alexander Kray curious goosebumps spread all across your body while you had to fight gravity in order to keep your jaw in place. Otherwise it would have dropped to the floor coaxed by the sinister yet totally charming aura Tom had created…

“Take 1, scene 35a. Go!”

“My, my, my... Who would have thought I’d meet my rising star of a lawyer in such a dark, wicked alley” Tom's deep voice growled as the black Jaguar rolled up next to you, the timbre of his voice matching the V8 engine in perfect unison. You didn’t even need to act like you were battling fear and arousal as your eyes met Tom's steel blues.

“I’m afraid that is none of your business, sir” you snapped, arrogantly tugging a strand of your dyed hair behind your ear and averting your gaze from the handsome man in the flawless suit. Victoria flattered you perfectly, her characteristics just mingling with your own and creating an amazingly real person.

You truly enjoyed playing the rich, ambitious daughter. Why? Well, you needed no explanation to just relish in the magical moments.

“Call me Mister Kray, darling. Although sir sounds rather delightful coming out of your mouth” he cooed, a sly smile dancing around Tom’s sharp features, streetlights casting sinful shadows on the hollowed cheeks. He did look a bit terrifying with a sparkle of manic in his narrowed eyes.

You were about to inhale sharply, making Victoria pop out an indignant retort to how he called you. Following the script and Anne's previous annotations while it was you to make true to those lines felt incredible. Then, you let your mouth fall agape, eyes widening in the shock of realization before they narrowed again, hiding curiosity that should remain veiled to Mister Kray.

“Right, Ms Desmond. I am Alexander Kray and you will get me out of this mess” he groaned raising a critical eyebrow as he conducted his gaze to travel your body not even trying to hide the profanity. Each of your curves was hugged by the tight black dress and topped with a white blazer. You wore an expensive costume yet you felt naked under Tom's or better Alexander’s interrogating eyes.

What lead to the very first time you deviated from the script, improvising by just saying what your inner Victoria told you.

“Just because I'm forced to defend your very mindless criminal games, I won’t fuck you” it blurted out of you before you swung your hair to the side, looking fed up and started to walk in the different direction.

“Come, come! Cameras-” the producer whispered and gestures them to follow you, eager to see what those perfectly harmonizing actors had in store for him.

Tom understood immediately, his face didn’t even twitch for a mere second as he brushed the gas, slowly keeping up with your hasty steps. Effortless, the blonde summoned a satisfied smirk on his velvet lips. God, he was talented just taking what you delivered and forming something completely new.

“Well hello... I wager the notorious John Desmond isn't aware of his daughter’s bratty mouth?” he snickered eliciting an annoyed scoff from your crimson lips.

“Are you trying to blackmail me, sir?” you sneered finally and abruptly stopping your strides. A surprised, angry expression lingered on your face whilst your knuckles turned white around the grip of your expensive handbag. The camera came closer.

“Not in the slightest, miss“ he began mimicking your polite address. “May I offer the lady a ride back to her office?” Tom then asked, his hand curling around the alabaster leather of the steering wheel. Steel blue eyes were flirting with the camera, killing all the women on what seemed like amused purpose.

“CUT“

“And that’s a wrap. Scene 35a done”

“This was absolutely perfect! Y/n, we need more of your improvising, it looked so natural” the first assistant instantly remarked completely surprising you with the unexpected compliment.

Was it really that good? Couldn't be since you had the audacity to basically ignore their script.

Jeff just stood in the corner grinning broadly and showing you a solid thumbs up before Tom took your hand and made you turn around in a flash. “You were amazing, darling. Congrats on your first successful impro-scene” he smiled warmly pulling you into a hug you wished would last for eternity.

Nate had never been a man of compliments or real charm so you were even more overwhelmed by the friendly nature of the handsome Brit.

“Well, without you playing along it would have been shitty” you quipped nervously, the scent of his cologne invading your nostrils like a wildfire. Tom was the perfect charming villain who already made your inner Victoria fall for the haughty ass that was Alexander Kray. You were stumbling towards the abyss of joining her, desperately holding on to your deep friendship as a reason to repress any other feelings.

Feelings you might regret one day.

“That’s not true, y/n. Let’s get you the nice caramel macchiato with two pumps of sugar-free vanilla and oat milk, shall we?” Tom weaved past you until standing on your right, sliding his arm down from where it had rested to gently wrap around your waist before his long legs coaxed you to go with him. He remembered how you liked your coffee already? How?

A flash of rose lit up on the powdered skin of your cheeks. A beautiful warmth spread in your lower belly emitting from his big hand holding you so lovingly in a place you normally wouldn’t let anyone touch you so easily. Especially not after Nate and his ongoing 'let me touch you' discussions.

“Liam?” You asked after picking up your phone, hands still wet from taking a shower. It was a wonder the phone even recognized the press of your thumb that created a small water bubble to relax on the blacked out screen.

The youngest one of your brothers you also had a very good relationship to normally preferred to text so it must’ve been something urgent?!

“Hey, boops” his voice echoed through the speaker of your phone as you dried your body and slipped in your underwear.

Today was the day. The first sex scene shoot and the intimacy coach told you to wear a bra you feel sexy in since you were allowed to wear one of your private collection instead of having to wear what the mask and costume team picked out. A small ray of hope in the dark valley of your simmering nervousness.

“What’s up? I’m kind of in a rush, bro” you panted slipping in the black leggings and wriggling your head through the tight opening of your turtleneck. You were indeed in a rush considering that you’ve wasted twenty minutes in the hot shower fearing the moment you had to get out.

“Well, erm it’s about your ex” Liam whispered carefully but it was hard either way. Your heart dropped, fingers digging in the soft fabric of your tote bag.

“The People magazine published an interview with him in which he stated that quote 'the relationship with her was almost platonic. Nothing what would ever satisfy a guy so men, beware'. I read it and I just had to tell you” Liam’s voice explained, the pity clearly audible.

Desperate anger and familiar sadness rose in your trembling body. This was certainly the least thing you wanted nor needed today.

“Tha- thank you, Li. I’ll phone my lawyer after shooting”

“I’m so sorry you have to go through this, y/n. I’ll visit you next week, alright?” He cooed trying to soothe his little sister who struggled to suppress hot tears. He knew it what only ached his own heart.

“Okay, thanks. See you, Liam” you whispered shuddering as the short beep signaled the end of the call.

You would have loved to snuggle up in the warmth of your bed, burying hot tears in the silk of your pillows and watching an episode of Friends. But it wasn’t possible. You had a job to do, and what a difficult one today so you got ahold of yourself and stumbled out of the spacious hotel room heading towards the set.

“Hey, you seem sad…did something happen? I’m sure we can reschedule the shoot if you’re unwell” Tom’s soothing voice intruded your mind as he stepped in the costume trailer where you sat in the corner, shaking.

You looked up at him, all ready in a dark red suit with a checkered tie and brown shoes. His handsomeness never failed to impress you and special parts of your body. God, you would never want him to think he was the reason for your muddled state.

“No, no it’s not that… it’s just…” you stammered biting your lower lip from the tension sitting within you. Tom came closer and sat down next to you, his gentle hand resting on your skirt clad thigh. It felt like a hug adding to the friendly, trustable gaze of his beautiful blue orbs.

“You don’t have to tell me, y/n. I can just stay here with you for a while” he whispered, smiling as your head leaned over to bump and rest against his shoulder. The Brit loved physical contact to you. Although he had a hard time restraining himself every time you wore those tight, sexy costumes. You were the most gorgeous woman to him and your character was pure gold, especially after the more or less dramatic breakup with Taylor.

To him you were a woman to cherish. Someone truly loyal and loving he wouldn’t hesitate a second to spend the rest of his life with.

But love was just an object easily buyable in the big grocery store that was the world.

“It’s Nate, Tom. He- he said in an interview that I’m not satisfying and warned all men about entering a relationship with me” you explained, keeping your voice but the words formed surprisingly easy as if your heart spoke to Tom through an invisible wire. A heavy sigh escaped the Brit's mouth, his chest falling with pure disappointment and the wish to snap that man’s neck.

“Darling, that’s horrible. I'm truly so hear that this idiot still has the audacity to put shame on your persona”.

You silently sobbed and snuggled up against his muscular arm. Shit, he was calming. Maybe even better than Chris or Liam although you’ve known him for just about three months now. The feelings you were unsure about fought their way back to the surface of your consciousness as he told you how talented and gorgeous you were and how he would be happy to have a girlfriend like you. Butterflies danced in your belly making you ready for the upcoming shoot.

Maybe it was a completely idiotic idea to enter such a situation with romantic feelings surging through your veins…

But as the set assistant announced the scene a cold shiver ran down your spine, freezing like ice crystals on the surface of a frozen lake. Fear and embarrassment flooded your body as Tom was instantly back in his role, picking up the incredible cocky and fucking alluring nature of Alexander. The previous scene was already in the box so you started at a 'cold point' what only made it harder.

But you took a deep breath, reminding yourself of Tom’s earlier encouragement and the tips he kindly gave you. Anything but Nate and his straining trouble.

“It’s gotten late. Are you sure such a gorgeous woman should go home now?“ Tom rasped approaching you and pushing you backwards until the edge of his black desk hit your back, forcing you to keep still as his strong chest lurked in front of your face. Tom’s strong pecks were clearly visible trough the white, thin fabric of his dress shirt drawing your coy eyes like a natural phenomenon.

Training to become Captain Conrad had paid off, obviously.

“Mister Kray, you- what are you doing?“ Your shaky voice asked while greedy hands wandered up to trace the button line and the muscle insertions hidden underneath. You saw Tom shudder lightly under your touch wondering if you should have left it.

Then you felt his hand pinching your chin with two fingers and coaxing your head up to make your eyes meet his. The tension was blooming, slowly allowing your senses to fade out the presence of two big cameras and about five people in the small room.

“You want this, don’t you? Just deny and I’ll leave you alone. Say yes and I’ll show you my generous side“ he growled nearing your face until you felt his hot, damp breath against your lips. Hot ripples ran down your spine at the close contact, something you accidentally dreamt of twice since filming started. Tensing up at what was to come next your left hand instinctively flew back and gripped the edge of the desk.

“No…“ you breathed letting Victoria lose herself in his narrowed eyes which radiated danger and seduction like a black sun.

A twitch shook your torso as Tom’s hand landed on your neck trailing your pulse point like a starved vampire until his fingers met the buttons of your blouse and began to open it slowly. Your mouth was still agape, goosebumps traveling the valley of your breasts as his cold digits brushed your cleavage with every unbuttoned centimeter.

It didn’t take him long to fully expose your chest and the sparkle in his steel blues hitched, evolving for a moment at the beautiful sight he longed since you had visited the set of Ragnarok. You could swear he was staring at your admittedly very alluring lace bra for longer than intended.

Was he, Tom, aroused by you? Or was it just interest? Fuck, y/n stay in the role!

“Yes“ you finally whispered tilting forward as if you craved his touch, more of his touch. The low chuckle rumbling through Tom’s chest was so unlike his usual laughter sending a hot gush of sizzles between your legs.

God, his deep voice was attractive. But suddenly, as his hands began to actually cup your breasts you nearly lost it, shivering under the many gazes fixed on your body in such an intimate situation.

“That’s what I thought, darling. Such an obedient little girl“ Tom rasped, his thumb caressing your collarbone as he lowered his head bringing his velvet lips closer to yours. Fuck, why did the script have to be like that? But you didn’t have much time to internally curse the alluring lines voiced by Tom Hiddleston because your heart began to hammer against your chest like crazy. It was as if your pulse was doing a sprint.

Tom secretly told you not to rehearse the first kiss beforehand since Victoria’s surprised reaction would look more authentic if it was real astonishment. And of course you listened to him, now facing the consequences of untamable nervousness.

It wasn’t only the kiss but also what followed after pretty quickly without giving you any time to think. The Brit saw the flickering anxiety in your eyes so he winked assuringly as the camera faced his back. A friendly try to calm you down but little did he know there were real emotions involved…

Then your lips met, your eyes fluttered shut at the overwhelming sensation of Tom’s soft lips sealing yours. A gush of emotions broke free from the gutter you had built to keep them in check. The battle was officially lost and your body began to swing the white flag, giving in to the kiss thoroughly.

At first you didn’t even realize the camera so close to your face but when your eyes met the light reflection on the lens you began to panic again.

“Shhh, you’re doing great“ Tom whispered, inaudible to the sound recorder, softening your muscles again before the kiss grew dirty, tongues flicking around each other before his hands suddenly hoisted you on top of the desk, hasty hands ripping your skirt apart.

Did he actually just rip a whole pencil skirt with his bare hands?

“That’s so wrong“ you panted under Tom’s demanding kisses which clearly helped you to let your breath appear labored. The man kept his promise to guide you through this and put the spotlight on you, making you look flawless. Those special feelings breaking free right now were only nourished by his honest and loving nature threatening to make you moan Tom instead of Alexander. A dangerous chess game you unfortunately played against your own heart.

“I’ll make it feel so right. Just let me in, Victoria“ Tom’s deep voice resonated in your ears, your signal to part your legs before Tom stepped in between. The false name gave you some strength again, helped you to to be in a meta level of control of the whole situation which slightly vanished when your task was to rip Tom’s shirt open. To expose his bare chest.

Then everything went by so fast. He unbuckled his belt as greedy appearing hands were on your breasts pressing your back flush against the desk before the real action began. The part of which you were most afraid; faking moans and whimpers and scrunching your face etc.

The whole range.

A shiver spread all across your body as Tom pulled down the panties you wore above the special skin color pad you got for exactly these kind of scenes. Your head was lost in a battle of wishing it would have been your real panties and the grand nervousness of being so exposed and vulnerable in front of strangers.

But Tom made up for it, whispering little words of encouragement whenever his kissed either your lips or your neck.

And that was how you got the boldness to dive in a little deeper, letting your little moans become louder and more unchained while his naked hips rolled against your crotch. This was a sweet little torture to the part of your brain which had craved Tom since your first encounter. His raspy, dirty lines only poured oil in the fire that spread from your belly while you decided to shut your eyes and spare you from the incredibly handsome face contorted in pleasure as if it was real.

“Fuck, you’re perfect. You feel perfect“ Tom moaned coaxing you to arch your back as his fake thrusts became stronger, shaking your body like Charlotte’s in high rise. You were utterly thankful for the tip to just close your eyes if the people’s gazes and the camera became too much hence your body could relax a bit more before the heavy task to fake an orgasm.

The intimacy coach told you to use your legs and hands to make it look more intense so there you were starting to grasp the edge of the desk and Tom’s lose tie. He was a professional without a doubt but your sweet melodies and the way you acted with your face was dangerous. It was a risk to his spotless reputation as an actor. But the Brit was skilled enough to transform and bring in his feelings into the acting. He delivered a picture perfect impression of Alexander’s sweet relief.

But deep down he would love to turn this into reality with the woman who conquered his heart.

Faking a heavy panting, your legs sinfully wrapped around Tom’s waist before the final lines of the film were spoken, your eyes opened again and your ponytail messy like it should after pure debauchery.

“Mister Kray… I should really go now“ you whispered under staggered breaths before he pulled you into another kiss. But a different one; a touch of real, unsated sentiment that nudged your heart over the edge.

You had fallen for your co-star Hiddleston. And hard.

“Call me Alex, pretty. And no, you’re staying. You gotta regret this night when the sun kisses your skin again“ Tom began, kissing your neck in between of his lines. “Let me make the remorse so awful“ he rasped, his baritone hoarse and used making your legs clench around him most involuntarily.

But you simply couldn’t help yourself at the words that escaped his mouth and the way his hollowed cheeks highlighted the godly bone structure. Not even to begin with those beautiful blue eyes fucking you with mere subtle gazes.

“Cut!“

“Your chemistry is breathtaking! Another one take“ the director yelled clapping above her head in pure enthusiasm while you were struggling to switch out of this vulnerable situation and back in an everyday-mode.

Shit, you internally cursed as you realized your legs were trembling from all the pressure which just vanished so abruptly. This was the most intense experience you’ve ever made.

“Are you alright, darling? You were amazing. Acting clearly runs in your blood“ Tom cheered as you wrapped his arms around him in a comfort seeking hug. But the handsome Brit wasn’t astonished by your actions, on the contrary he also enjoyed the last moment of intimacy after the steamy scene.

“Thank you so much, Tom. I couldn’t have done it without you“ you whispered obviously touched by him and his kindness. “Anytime, darling“ he temptingly winked at you before being called to make-up again leaving you standing there alone, only your strong feelings for him keeping you company.

However, the tall Brit with the dreamy smile saw you as a best friend… Didn’t he?

Tags: @crimson25 @kikster606 @huntress-artemiss @123forgottherest @lovingchoices14 @ozymdias @vbecker10 @coldnique @lokixryss @simplyholl @peaches1958 @lokibadguy @jennyggggrrr @stephenstrangeaddictions @holymultiplefandomsbatman @coldnique @gigglingtigger @mischief2sarawr @mypsychoticlove @mochie85 @muddyorbs @ijuststareatstuffhereok89 @simping-for-marvel @lady-rose-moon @goblingirlsarah @kats72 @vickie5446 @buffyfan2833 @12-pm-510 @ladymischief11 @somewiseguy @woooonau @cabingrlandrandomcrap

#against the odds #collab series #fanfic writing #18+#Hiddleston x reader #tom hiddelston x reader #tom hiddleston x you #tom hiddleston fanfic #thomas william hiddleston #tom hiddleston fic #implied smut #fanfic #Holdmytesseract

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mattzerella-sticks · 2 years

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Now that all three episodes are done... I've got some thoughts about the main mystery of Soldier Boy.

First off, not only will they be tackling the toxic masculinity at the core of Soldier Boy's personality (and I think we'll be seeing other characters grappling with it like Billy, Hughie, Homelander, etc.) but with him I also think we're getting into the beginning of the systemic brutality supes introduced by patrolling the streets to stop crime - a reference to the systemic brutality that persists in the real world, especially against minorities; which the show has hinted at in earlier seasons and progressively ramped up with every new season.

I mean it's at the heart of Marvin's issue with Soldier Boy - the very reason his family fell apart was because of him in ways we don't know yet. It dealt with the lawsuit, yes, but I can't remember what the lawsuit was about if they ever mentioned it. Just that it was against Vought. I had a feeling there was going to be something between Marvin and Soldier Boy, like they had a conflict wholly different from the main beef between the boys and the supes. Mainly from social media, it seemed like they were doing more together and had a closer bond than a few of the others. Hell, a source of the conflict might be Soldier Boy siding with the Boys against Vought - which rubs Marvin the wrong way because of the pain Soldier Boy caused his family, and others through his negligent and excessive actions.

And not to scapegoat him because what Soldier Boy did was inexcusable, but a way they will probably try and frame it within the story, as touched upon in interviews with Jensen, is his excessiveness in the battlefield is unresolved trauma from the war. I think this is clear when we see Soldier Boy going in on that guy with his shield and, even though we know they're toast, Soilder Boy hammers away. I think he sets himself on autopilot and goes at it until the episode runs its course. It worked during the war. The only problem is super heroics isn't war. Vought never should have sent him out in cities. Though Soldier Boy is still at fault here for not wanting to retire, which I think will tie in to both Homelander and Billy's arcs surmised by Homelander perfectly of people trying to make them retire, but they don't want to.

Soldier Boy didn't think there was anything wrong with him. And, given his prejudices we know he has due to Jensen telling us he's the most cancellable man on Earth, he probably didn't see anything wrong with the collateral damage he caused nor the people who were hurt in the crossfire or, like the man Blue Falcon killed, were mistakenly accused of wrongdoing.

Which I think is also why brutality by supes (which, at this point I'll say is supposed to reflect police brutality) will be a major conflict within A-Train's season storyline and explains why he is doing a Kendall Jenner-esque Pepsi commercial in his new suit. It also ties into recurring themes of corporations creating inauthenticity when pursuing real social issues through a capitalistic lens. It's also refreshing to see the supe lens turned inwards because for all of season 1 and most of season 2, with supes in the military whatnot, we got the metaphor of the supes being a representation of the American aggression overseas and how easily killing indiscriminately can be covered up when you are fighting an 'enemy', when you have the resources to cover your ass and "make sure nothing ever changes". But we also know Vought and the government do it here, too. We were introduced to it. And it was the major driving force of both Hughie and Billy's arcs in the first season. However this season we're getting a look at truly how pervasive this issue is, spanning decades and throughout the superhero community. So it makes sense that Hughie turned to a scorched Earth strategy because in this world the bad guy, Edgar, really has thought ten steps ahead on EVERYTHING.

Like, the Victoria reveal alone showed him how far down the line he's been planning what I think was his ultimate end goal from before Homelander - which was to get rid of supes once and for all.

He pushed to have supes in the military because he knew how disastrous it would be. He had someone on the inside pushing his second interest, which was to make sure supes never get in the military. His company perfects the V24 formula after rigorous testing and, like Bob Singer said, makes bank for the rest of his life off a government contract. I bet he came up with this plan after dealing with the ultimate diva superhero - Soldier Boy himself.

Which is why I think he might join with the Boys against Vought. Because he took down Soldier Boy.

I think bringing them down to Nicaragua was just an excuse to have the Russians 'kill' Soldier Boy and Vought would ferry him away so he can't bother anyone ever again. I think they did it - Edgar did it - because after all these years Soldier Boy started becoming too wildly than even they could control. Which is why he's so calm when dealing with Homelander, because he must have something to take care of him with. I mean, sure, Victoria would probably blow him to ashes. But also something else. This man does not go into anything without ten back-up plans.

However even the most prepared man can be caught off guard, and it's usually when whoever he's up against makes a choice against their nature, or one that is too risky. He's so safe and logical, he thinks everyone - at the end of the day - will make the same choices. He didn't expect Billy to finally show mercy on a supe, and give up any chance of being with his wife. He didn't expect Homelander to blow up like that at his birthday celebration. He didn't expect Stormfront's nazi past to ever see the light of day.

So I think them freeing Soldier Boy will be an ace up their sleeve in the fight against Vought, even if he goes back to work for the very same company. At least it might unsettle Edgar enough he'll be distracted. It might have him on edge if it's revealed he had a part to play in Soldier Boy's disappearance.

There's more I could say but don't see how I can make it tie-in so I'll snippet it in this paragraph. Soldier Boy's past being tied with Black Noir's in a way I hope we get from Black Noir's pov because I'm sure Soldier Boy had something to do with why he ended up scarred, even if it was Noir being in the wrong place wrong time. Marvin and Monique's divorce and the fact that her new beau might be drinking the kool-aid from Homelander. MORE OF FRENCHIE'S BACKSTORY (he's a little Dean-coded, too, no?) Kimiko working towards pushing past the trauma that keeps her from speaking, and what that means for the musical finale. How we're peeling back the layers on Soldier Boy and Vought's past before even meeting him in person, and what that means for the solid gold dancers bts photo that was shared (was it in the present or in the past?) How Marvin's shirt had NWA on it and, as Laz said, Marvin's shirts hint at plot points in the episode and I think the plot point was Fuck the Police.

I think I'll wrap this up and say Soldier Boy really adds an extra and much needed angle that the Boys were missing. I think this season we've seen Hughie and Billy go through their arcs and now they're in the free fall between arcs where they don't know what to do or who they are. I think we are going to see major developments with Marvin, Frenchie, and Kimiko (which I am EXCITED for). I think that Edgar is right, and that there shouldn't be any more superhero teams because it just leads to mess after mess. And even though that's how it might end, Homelander won't go down without a fight and will make good on his promise of scorched earth.

I still think (and hope) we get some gay Soldier Boy. Villainous dicks can still suck some dick lol.

Also it'd be very funny if Crimson Countess really fell into the trap of loving someone who wasn't into her (even though that might still be the case, I would personally prefer it being because he likes men more than women; but will also accept him saying she's gotten too old for him with a side of him being in a three-way with another man). Plus it would mirror the situation between Deep and Cassandra perfectly.

There's still more that will be revealed throughout the season, but these three episodes really laid the groundwork for everything I'm betting the show will tackle in the rest of the season.

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eric-cartman-my-beloved · 1 year

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Eric Cartman and Nazism

“Is Cartman a nazi?”

For a question that is asked rather frequently from participants and non-participants of the fandom alike, the opinions are rather conflicting for this one. So I thought, why not put my two cents here as well?

It’s well-known that Eric possesses extremely antisemitic beliefs, but is he an actual nazi?

For this post I will be analyzing a variety of scenes that I believe will be helpful to the point at hand, will point out what one side of the argument has to say, and give my personal input.

*Yada, yada, yada, content warnings and such…*

[Tumblr don’t flag this please, thanks]

So, to begin with, we also need to take a trip to South Park’s beginning, and the episode we’ll be dealing with first is none other than “Pinkeye”. The very first episode that Eric dressed up as Hitler.

It’s also the episode that caused quite a few misconceptions, in the later years especially – mostly due to the way Eric’s and Liane’s wiki pages are written.

The main arguement here is:

“Cartman didn’t know who Hitler was at the time. Liane made that costume for him and made him wear it”.

I do believe it mainly originates from here:

Let’s analyze the latter statement first.

Many people believe that a lot of Eric’s racist views stem from Liane, who imposes them on him. While it is true that during earlier seasons Eric quoted his mother on homophobic, antisemitic, etc. opinions, it is also true that we as an audience have never seen Liane say any of this herself.

Who is to say that Eric is not lying? Has he not lied successfully many, many times in the past? Why should this not be him trying to excuse his bigoted beliefs?

Therefore, the “Liane is imposing her views on he son” headcanon is mere speculation at best, and not necessarily canon.

Now that we’ve established that Liane and Eric do not share the same opinions, let’s think for a second: what would Liane have to gain out of dressing Eric up as Hitler for Halloween if she herself does not support the nazi ideology? The answer is nothing. As seen in quite a few episodes, Liane is thought of as less because of her job, she wouldn’t want to do something that would attract this much negative attention from the community.

“But why did she make the costume then?”

Simple: Eric made her. Why would a mother who’s helped her physically healthy son participate in the Special Olympics, who’s left her home at his request (“Shots!”) not sew a costume for him if he pressured her?

And now that we know the costume idea was Eric’s initiative, let’s take a look at the former statement.

Did Eric know who Hitler was?

Short answer: yes.

A lot of people tend to use the scene with Principal Victoria as evidence that Eric is not aware of who or what the costume represents and frankly I fail to understand why. Not once does he ask a question or show that he doesn’t truly know what he’s wearing.

In fact, this is his reaction when he is asked about his costume:

How would he know how to say “Sieg Heil” unless he knew who Hitler was? (Supposing Liane didn’t teach him how to say it because we’ve already been through that.)

And these are his reactions to the video Principal Victoria has him watch:

Do these look like the faces someone makes when they’re confused or don’t know what they’re watching? He’s even doing the nazi salute right back at the video. South Park characters have limited facial expressions due to the special quality of the animation, so, if a character is confused, they would have a very obvious confused look on their face. This is not one of them.

Like I said earlier, he never asks anything. He is simply “enjoying the moment”. And then he asks to watch it again.

But if you’re still insistent, fine. Let’s say for a moment that Eric didn’t know who Hitler was prior to “Pinkeye”. From then on, he learned, and his interest in him still held up to latter episodes.

What other evidence do we have pointing to Eric being a nazi?

This brings us to the next episode. “The Passion Of the Jew”. It is often ignored by those who say that Eric is trying to “change” and “better himself”, most likely because it isn’t in favor of their point.

Remember when Eric tried to start a second Holocaust? ‘Cause I ‘member.

I don’t think I need to say much about this episode. Eric’s hatred for Jewish people is what motivates him to dress up as Hitler and attempt to collect a crowd that will help him “exterminate” them.

What kind of person’s hatred Jewish people runs so deep so as to try to have them killed off, if not a nazi’s? Whether he succeeded or not is irrelevant in this case, because it’s more than obvious what his intentions were.

And from this episode on, there is absolutely no denying that Eric knows who Hitler was.

The next thing I’d like to put here is a quote from “Make Love, Not Warcraft”:

"If you had a chance to go back in time right now and stop Hitler, wouldn't you do it? I mean, I personally wouldn't stop him, because I think he was awesome, but you would, right?"

Why would Eric say this unless he shares the same beliefs as Hitler did? I don’t think it can get any more obvious than that. From the last sentence it’s pretty clear that Eric is not the least bit revolted at the thousands of Jewish people the nazis killed, he endorses their actions, because he himself would have loved to do the same.

And he actually (partly) did. Or, tried to, at least.

In the Coon Trilogy.

Eric suddenly has immense power in his hands: the dark lord Cthulhu now obeys his every order with just a little bit of pushing.

And what is one of the first things Eric makes him do? Destroy synagogues. I think that this is also one of the scenes which prove that Eric hates Kyle for being Jewish, and does not hate Jews because of Kyle.

His hatred for people different than him runs so deep that he doesn’t simply dislike their existence, he wants them erased – which is something he attempts to do whenever he is being given the chance.

I could list of all the antisemitic things Eric has said or done (like his scheme to degrade Jewish people on national television in “Le Petit Tourette”) but this post would never end. I picked these because they are the most extreme.

Now let’s get to the final episode we’ll be analyzing, which is none other than the latest South Park episode: “Cupid Ye”.

(A picture is equal to a thousand words, isn’t it?)

So, giving a little bit of context, Cupid Me has built this… lab/temple(?) inside the school bathroom in order to make arrows that will turn everyone at the school antisemitic. Supposedly kind of like nazi propaganda, except that it has no way of failing. In Eric’s head, at least.

During the entire episode Cupid Me has been insisting that Hitler is actually a good historical figure, whose actions weren’t so bad. It is worth noticing though, that Eric disagrees with him.

If we go by the generally accepted theory that Cupid Me represents Eric’s hidden emotions and desires (such as his repressed attractions and his attraction to himself) it is safe to assume that he clearly represents an attraction to the nazi ideology (or to Hitler himself, if you want to get literal, but I’m not sure if you want to go there).

And why is it repressed and Eric argues with Cupid Me and tries to stop him?

Because as much as Eric hates Jews, Mexicans, etc. he’s also a pretty lonely kid. Nazism is stigmatized everywhere especially today (as it should be) so Eric is trying to somewhat hide his extremist views so that he’ll fit in. It can also be one of the reasons as to why he has been more “calm” or “tame” during the latest seasons comparatively to the older ones in the issues concerning antisemitism.

But even though Eric tries not to let the hatred resurface, deep down his beliefs about the matter cannot change. Which is why this “calm” state of his will probably not last for long. Eric, after all, is certainly not the epitome of self-restraint.

And now, let’s hear what the opposing side has to say:

“Cartman can’t be a nazi because he’s a rabbi in the Post Covid Specials”.

Well, why are we so sure that the Post Covid Specials are canon? They are not part of the main show, they are just movie-like episodes made specifically for Paramount+ because Matt and Trey signed a contract. (Plus, they do have quite a few out of character moments.) So why do they have to be canon?

Eric already has a future, and it is one out of the two possibilities depicted in “My Future Self ‘n’ Me” – an episode of the main show.

But even if we do accept that the Post Covid Specials are canon, Eric would have four different outcomes for a possible future (a plumber, a CEO, a rabbi, and a homeless man). He can alter his future easily, with simple decisions, like seen in that episode, like with how the moment he decides to eat the cookies his future CEO self transforms into a fat plumber. So who is to say that his decisions later on will not affect and cancel out the rabbi self?

“Cartman can’t be a nazi because he converted to Judaism in ‘Jewpacabra’”.

And how long did that last? A few minutes. Some of Eric’s beliefs (but not all), in this case, religion, can be very flexible. For instance, when in “Ginger Kids” he thought he had become a ginger himself, the first thing he did was try to start a movement that would showcase gingers as “the superior race”’ despite Eric hating them just a few days prior.

(And of course, the idea of a “superior race” is pretty nazi-esque in itself.)

It is the same for Judaism. Eric announced his change of religion because he was glad that he survived what he considered a pretty traumatic experience, believing that some sort of higher being was responsible for his survival. So he wanted to show his gratitude and remorsefulness by altering his religion.

But we know from episodes as early as “Starvin’ Marvin” that Eric’s relationship with religion is rather flimsy. When he found himself alone in Africa because of a mistake, he turned to God, because he thought this was the only way he would survive.

However, not even a couple of hours later, he didn’t hesitate to treat the native people rudely, once he realized that he would return back home – an action which is not supported by the God he addressed not too long ago.

Therefore, Eric will use religion as it benefits him (like he does with everything) and the “Jewpacabra” episode cannot be valid evidence that Eric is not a nazi because he took up Judaism.

“But Cartman said: ‘Wouldn’t you kill Hitler if you had the chance?’ in 'Tsst'”.

Yes, Eric did indeed say that. The important thing here is to think about when he said this. He said this in order to persuade his friends to help him kill his mother. In order to demonstrate how oppressive he thinks she is to him, he compared her to a well-known tyrannical historical figure. He chose these words so that the boys could understand how painful his “martyr” was.

Interestingly enough, the episode that follows “Tsst” is “Make Love, Not Warcraft”. In which Eric said the infamous quote I mentioned above. ("If you had a chance to go back in time right now and stop Hitler, wouldn't you do it? I mean, I personally wouldn't stop him, because I think he was awesome, but you would, right?")

So he is either contradicting himself (which is unlikely given that this is just the next episode and not some seasons later), or he simply compared Liane to Hitler so that the boys could sympathize with him and help him.

“But Trey said in an interview that Cartman will realize that dressing up like Hitler is wrong”.

I have also heard that Trey has said how “Cartman is a kid and eventually he’ll realize that dressing up like Hitler isn’t cool” (or something along these lines) in an interview. However, I have not been able to find said interview anywhere, so if anyone could link me to it, I’d appreciate it.

Even if the interview exists though, it was given during season 1, and Trey is referring specifically to “Pinkeye”. Nearly 25 years ago. Several things have changed in South Park ever since then. Stan and Kyle didn’t even really have distinguishable personalities yet at the time, and some parents didn’t even have fixed names, so I don’t think that this quote can be considered credible.

“Cartman is just a kid, he can change”.

While it is true that we have seen Eric is capable of some change – most notably in “Tsst” – we have also seen just how easy it is for him to revert back to his old horrible self. All it takes is the promise of two toys from Liane.

Eric completely lacks the motivation for a change. And given what we have seen of his personality, nothing is a strong enough motivation to get him to truly change for the better. He is fine being the way he is, he doesn’t think that there is anything wrong with him, and it is unlikely that he will admit he has problems later on.

But even if some kind of motivation was there, his beliefs are rooted too deep in his mind to change now. The aspects of a personality that a person forms the first years of their life are some of the most integral ones, and sometimes, they’re next to impossible to alter.

“Cartman can just be antisemitic without actually being a nazi”.

Of course such people exist. There is a line that separates prejudice against Jewish people to full-fledged nazism. Eric just does not belong in that category. When you make it a goal to belittle Jewish people, to try and erase them off the face of the earth, when you take pride in dressing up like the figure a lot of people believe is solely responsible for the Holocaust, you are way past the point of simple prejudice.

Furthermore, Eric’s bigotry towards other groups of people (like black people, disabled people, little people, etc.) is in accord with the beliefs of the nazi party, since they believed such people to be inferior and/or potentially dangerous. Plus, his first reaction to the things he dislikes or believes are harmful is to usually try to censor them (like in “Cartoon Wars, with “Family Guy”.)

“But if Liane didn’t impose antisemitism and/or nazism onto him then why is Cartman like this?”

There is no definitive answer to that, since the show does not explain the very source of Eric’s bigotry, so this is just my speculation. Liane has something to do with it, but not in the way you might think.

Oftentimes Eric is seen alone at the house, or even left to take trips to nearby cities (like the trip to Fort Collins in “Scott Tenorman Must Die”). Liane seems to be leaving him alone for not-so-small periods of time, enough for Eric to watch TV or go online unsupervised.

It wouldn’t be impossible that Eric stumbled across a documentary about Hitler on TV randomly and became enamored with the idea of power and of superiority that he thought the people of that time exuded. Afterwards, looking up for more information on the internet wouldn’t have been difficult. And the more he searched, the stronger their views were instilled on him.

In the meantime Liane was there, sitting idly as her son slipped deeper and deeper into the pit that is the nazi ideology. Because she couldn’t afford to tell him ‘no’, she either couldn’t bring herself to teach him some morals because she saw he was excited, or she didn’t care enough to do so.

Either way, she is enabling her son’s inappropriate behavior. So of course she is partly responsible for Eric’s current situation, but this is different than her imposing her personal prejudices on him.

In short, it’s more likely that the ideology was not enforced on Eric, but rather “chosen” by him because he cannot comprehend how harmful it is. And the more Eric stays like this, the harder it will be for him to see the error of his ways.

Conclusion:

Yes, Eric is a nazi. He meets the criteria, and there are little chances of him making a true change of his views at some point in the future.

The funny side of this matter is that quite a few times I have seen people who are not in the fandom or who dislike Eric call him a nazi several times, while it is usually the people who do like him that try to defend some of his actions and preach that he is capable of change. I just think it’s weird how people who do not put much thought to his character actually understand that aspect of his personality better.

Eric is supposed to make people feel uncomfortable in a lot of ways, and I do think it is a pity that some try to erase a part of his personality like this. If canon Eric makes them feel so uneasy that they have to change him, maybe he is not the “right” character for them.

Personally, I do have in mind that he is a neo-nazi when I write him.

That being said, of course you don’t have to agree with me. Just don’t be offended when you come across this interpretation of him. People have the right to interpret him like this just as much as you do to interpret him as an innocent victim of the circumstances who can change.

If you’ve read this far, thank you, actually! I didn’t mean for this to get this long…

#south park #eric cartman #south park meta #sp cartman #i should be writing a fic but...#cupid ye inspired me to write this instead #i don't usually write meta but when i do it gets longer than it should be

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waheelawhisperer · 2 months

Note

Ask thingy for Indra, mainly 'cause your AO3 fic really struck some chords: 1, 6, 7, 8, 15, 17.

Indra! I love her!

1: Why I love them, like them or hate them.

Fantastic aesthetic (I love punk girls), great voice in both English and Japanese, lovely personality... I have a huge weakness for characters that seem rough and lowbrow but ultimately display a hidden nobility... Her kit and playstyle would be fun if you didn't have to give Brawler Guards absolutely broken playstyles to make them work. I love her devotion to Siege and the rest of the Glasgow, I have a huge thing for badass bloodthirsty women, especially when they also have the sort of sweet exuberant goofy affectionate side we see Indra display in some of her files and talk lines, she gets to wear a suit... what's not to love?

6: The scene that I think shows just how awesome they really are.

Everyone in charge of this game is allergic to letting the Glasgow Gang shine in any way, much to my continual frustration, but the line in her files about Indra understanding the ideals of chivalry better than many of the actual belted knights of Kazimierz despite being essentially a street thug lives rent-free in my head.

7: The scene that I think adds depth to their character or the relationship this character has with someone

I think it's gotta be the scene in Chapter 10 where she instructs Dagda in the art of delivering proper one-liners, along with her giving Doc a hug. It's really interesting to me the way the Glasgow Gang as a whole seems to be pretty close with the Doctor (IIRC Doc is on a first name basis with at least two of them, and all of them are quite friendly with the Doc in their talk lines, allowing for Siege'ssomewhat aloof personality), and I would've liked to see that explored more.

8: A headcanon I have about this character.

Given that Indra is hinted to be a bit of a big eater, I like to imagine that she's eager to try all the various world cuisines that can be found in Rhodes Island. The company has a multinational workforce, and with that comes a lot of food for her to try. She personally can't cook for shit tho

15: What I think their role in the story is versus what I think it should be.

The answer to the first half of this question is "fuck if I know. Accessory to Siege, who is herself a plot device at this point? Muscle? She's just there to look hot?"

I've made no secret of my frustration about the way the Victoria arc treated the Glasgow Gang. Indra is supposed to be a badass, but she doesn't get to fight anyone more dangerous than mooks to show it off. She's supposed to be Siege's second-in-command, but Siege herself doesn't get to do much or have a ton of agency, so not much is left for Indra. We don't even explore her relationship with Siege or her other comrades outside of operator records, so it mostly feels like she's tagging along to hit things without even getting to hit anything important.

Giving her the role in the story requires a significant restructuring of the Victoria arc, because the Sarkaz plot cancer means all the fucking focus goes to Kal/Amiya/Doc and the Kazdel lore while we waste time chasing a bunch of literal who characters around Londinium and fucking Stainless plays a more important role in the plot than the launch characters it supposedly centers around. I'd trim it way the hell down, make the Sarkaz plot something separate, and focus on Rhodes Island helping Siege rally the people of Londinium to regain her throne while leaning on Indra and Morgan's connection to the common people and Dagda's status as a noble to gain support or something, idfk. It's kind of hard to fuck up a by-the-numbers rightful king returns story, but Arknights managed it.

17: how well they'd do if they got dropped in a horror movie.

Depends on the horror movie. Indra would eat your average slasher for breakfast because she's not a dumb horny teenager completely lacking in training or equipment and could handle some horror monsters just fine, but supernatural/psychological horror would be a bit harder for her to deal with.

Bloodborne's not a horror movie, but it's a good example of what I'm talking about: she could deal with most of the enemies without issue, but her bloodthirsty nature means she'd be at risk of succumbing to beasthood and she's too normal to take the cosmic horror revelations about the nature of the world all that well, although she could probably convince herself that it was just the product of a truly epic bender.

Actually, now that I think about it, Bloodborne probably isn't the best example I could've used, given that at least 50% of the game is just a simulation of an average evening in London immediately following a soccer match.

#ask game #arknights #indra

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chloepleasestopdying · 1 year

Text

A Knight’s Tale AU

Chloe and Max are childhood best friends but after William died Chloe had to leave town because Joyce didn’t have the money to take care of her.

Chloe finds work under a drunken old knight (Frank I guess lol) but when they passed back into town a while later Max had moved away and Joyce married David. Chloe was devastated as Max had seemly left no way to contact her and Joyce could have sent word that Chloe could come home but never did

Instead Chloe buckles down and decides to stay working under Frank as a ‘squire’. Eventually their little group consists of Frank (who sucks at being a knight and loses more than he wins) Chloe (who handles the money and equipment) and Ryan (who handles the horses and planning their routes)

When Frank dies (sorry Frank) Chloe slaps on his armor and actually wins. She isn’t super great at sword fighting but she is kick ass at the joust. Soon after they pick up Steph, who helps them get into real tourneys as she knows tons of people who can get them in.

This post is getting long so:

Alex is the blacksmith, having taken over the shop after Gabe passed. Steph spends most of her time flirting with her while Alex makes Chloe super cool armor.

Rachel is the princess who Chloe loves at first sight, who only joking spurns Chloe enough that Chloe keeps coming back for more. She is engaged to Nathan Prescott (who doesn’t want to marry her any more than she does him) but is actually in love with Victoria who is a member of the Prescott court (I do not know enough noble titles to give her a title but she is very important but not a royal)

Kate is a new member of Rachel’s court who rarely comes to events. She planned on joint a nunnery but due to her father’s worsening health decided against it.

Max is Kate’s handmaiden and mainly deals with half of what Kate is supposed to deal with. They met soon after Chloe left and Kate liked her a lot, enough that Kate offered her the position of her handmaiden. Their friendship mainly consists of Max trying to get Kate to take care of herself while Kate tries to get Max to follow her dreams of being a artist.

Max and Chloe meet up after Chloe as made a HUGE splash winning a ton of jousts. At first Chloe is very defensive because Max could easily ruin what Chloe has going on but eventually they make up (idk Max had tried to leave a note with David about where she was going but David sucks) and Rachel admits to Chloe that she actually loves Victoria (which is why Vic has been a huge bitch to Chloe)

Chloe becomes a real knight, Max becomes a artist, Rachel and Victoria get married because this is my AU: the end

#life is strange #Chloe price #max caulfield #pricefield

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writing-funsies · 2 years

Text

OP characters with artist s/o P.3

p.1 | p.2 | p.3 | p.4 | p.5 | p.6

pairings: Kid x reader, Killer x reader, Law x reader

warnings: mentions of alcohol, cursing, brief mention of death

Kid

he has a space just for you in his workshop

more times than not

the crew knows to look for both of you in said workshop

you two bounce ideas off of each other

the creative storm

that's what everyone calls it

because you and Kid get so riled up

that you end up just screaming incoherently at each other

well, you both know what the other is saying

but I digress

you often experience art block when he's on a roll with his inventions

and his brain stops working about the same time you find your inspiration

it's a vicious cycle

but it keeps a much needed balance on the Victoria Punk

when you both find yourselves creating nonstop

everyone gets worried

Killer especially

you and the tulip often go days with little food or water or sleep

you can't just stop

what if your ideas disappear the moment you look away?

what are you supposed to do then?

but then the blocks hit

and all hell breaks loose

with no ideas for your creative outlet

you get grumpy

which makes Kid even crankier

if there's anything on the ship that's not bolted down

it's fair game for the ensuing tantrums

just one spare glance is enough for either of you to jump on someone

fighting is better than just sitting around bored

though you find yourself quite calm after a few beers

and a bottle of wine

and like eight pints of ale

the point is

getting drunk also helps

(don't do that for real though cause your poor liver)

(also alcoholism isn't a fun hobby my guys)

Kid is just as destructive as before

but it's funnier now

because everyone is having a good time

anyway Kid loves spending time with you as you both work on your projects

it's a nice way to bond without all the mushy couple crap other people do

Killer

he likes that you're so artsy

you always find the most off-the-wall things to try

and he enjoys trying new things with you

mainly because the worst-case scenario results in maybe an hour of cleaning

and not with a pile of corpses

if you like whittling or any type of paper mache

and you make this man a mask

he'd be so happy that he's on the verge of tears

even if the mask isn't durable enough to wear in public

or while fighting

he'd still wear it in the safety of his room

where you can see him wearing it

he wants you to know how touched he is that you made it for him

he doesn't really know how to express how happy it makes him when you make stuff for him

so he'll just wear the things you make

or he'll hang them up for everyone to see

if there's a particular sketch or painting that he really likes

he might hang it up in his private quarters

so he can look at it before he goes to bed

anyway

if you decided to try your hand at making jewelry

he would wear it

if that jewelry broke

he would be

devastated

he would be so upset that he messed up your hard work

you make him a new one that's even sturdier than before

you probably work on some of your projects while he's making dinner

it's one of the only times that you two can get some semi-peace and quiet before everyone goes to bed

he enjoys the downtime with you

him boiling some pasta

and you scribbling away in your sketchbook

planning your next big project

Law

if there is anyone that's a hypocrite

it's this man

and that's hypocrite with a capital H

(Hypocrite)

you often become hyperfocused on your art

which leads to a lack of sleep

and self-awareness

Law doesn't like that

you need your rest

and to eat

and to stay hydrated

as much as he loves the art that you make

he can't allow his darling to neglect their own personal health

which is so funny coming from him

he doesn't mind when you sit in his office while he works

as long as you don't distract him too much

you'll make goofy sketches of him until you can't contain your laughter

which will promptly get you kicked out

but it was worth it

when he finds you drawing the other crew members

them posing while you furiously try to get all of the detail down

he can't help but smile

it warms his heart to see you all so happy

he'd never admit it

but he loves when you draw him or anything for him or stuff that reminds you of him

the amount of detail you put into your art is incredible

you manage to capture his tattoos and dark circles perfectly

maybe you'd mess around with drawing some tattoo designs for him

just general sketches

nothing fancy

and he'd be flipping through your sketchbook one day

when he sees them

he falls in love all over again

you know exactly what he likes in terms of style and content

so he'd get one of your tattoos

and surprise you with it

if you approve of him using your designs

(which of course you do, that was the whole point of drawing them)

he'd definitely get you to draw him some more

he might even encourage you to become a tattoo artist

only if you're interested in doing so though

tattoos are something so personal to him

that he would be touched if you designed matching ones for you and him

and if you got some of your own that were dedicated to him

this man would spend hours just looking at them

tracing over them with his fingers

there aren't enough words in the world for him to even begin explaining how much he appreciates and loves you

#one piece headcanons #one piece #one piece x y/n #one piece imagines #one piece x reader #eustass kid #kid x reader #captain kid #eustass kid imagines #massacre soldier killer #killer x reader #trafalgar one piece #trafalgar d law x reader #trafalgar d water law

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starry-night-rose · 5 months

Note

∅ Alice on Bianca

Ivy and Vic on Carol

Ellis on Kaeru

Artemis on Aiden

Alice - Hah! You must be referring to the little imp in my dorm! Always smiling aren’t they? They’re childish and at times a danger to others , why just once they attempted to punch me when I requested them to take off their gloves at dinner. Of course I stopped their little attack but how DARE they even attempt to wound me! Her eternal happiness could be endearing, if it wasn’t always present. I don’t think of us being friends in the future but, maybe I’ll grow to tolerate her.

Ivy - Ah, Little Miss Carol of Ramshackle, a smart and studious gal ain’t she! Always fawning about some boy, don’t tell her I said that, but still keeping her nose in a book always. I have to admire her for that at the very least. However, Miss Carol and I disagree on a few things mainly ‘bout beauty products and such! You know me! Can’t leave the house without at least a sprits of perfume here and there and a nice lipstick while Carol tends to stay much more “natural” as she puts it, I just think she’s a prude. She’s as pretty as a peach but maybe if you just add a dash of blush here and there and violà!

Victoria - She’s the girl who that cad Yasuno always follows? Oh I know her! The bookish one who tutors those who can’t even grasp basic topics of magic! She’s fine I suppose, too humble for my liking like have at least some confidence in yourself! Carol’s a pacifist as well so that can cause a bit of disagreement between the two of us as well. Well, at the very least she has good taste in tea. That, I can give her.

Ellis - I don’t know too many people in RSA but I’ve met Kaeru a few times! He was very nice to me and we had a pleasant conversation! Kaeru is quite strong as well! I tried to check out many large books from the library at RSA but they were too heavy for me to carry but Kaeru offered to carrying them for me! He lifted them up like it was nothing for him, he’s really sweet like that! I always leave some extra candy or sweets in my bad when I visit him or the rest of Sanwaii at RSA!

Artemis - Now, I don’t visit HSA too often but when I heard about that Aiden’s cooking, I just had to try it for myself. It was so delicious why I thought it was made by my own grandmother or father! I got to finally meet the chef and he gave me a bit of a shock. Both he and zi seem to be....marked by scars lets say and he seemed to have more....animal like features which drew my curiosity a bit! Rumors or not, he’s interesting that one.

#mutuals <3 #asks!#ellis clawthorne #victoria le fay #oc asks!#ivy villosa #artemis woodman #fumi 🍏

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zeuse-in-atlantis · 6 months

Text

Say hello to Triton Arvid! (and his lovely girlfriend, Sea Bunny Victoria)~ This time I commi Sugar Swan (go check their Ko-Fi and commi them too!)

I know I haven't talked about Arvid, and that's because he was supposed to be only a minor character, and somehow he ended up with a full story.

Sea Bunny is Sugar Swan's OC, and the way they ended up together will make me laugh forever, mainly because neither of us planned to go that route. That's the cool part of sharing your delulu with your friends!

#Zeuse in Atlantis #Stranded #Encallar #Triton Arvid #Sugar Swan #StS oc #Original Character #Marinas #Shoguns

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urmumsdrycooch · 2 years

Text

TᕼᖇOᑌGᕼ TᕼIᑕK ᗩᑎᗪ TᕼIᑎ

Kate Marsh x GN!Reader

Summary: All on my previous post responding to the request.

Warnings: Swearing (if you squint), bullying, Kate being sad

It was love at first sight for me, which may be a bit of an exaggeration but now I don't think I could see it in any other way. We met in the dormitories, on September 2013', unpacking all the bags shipped off from our parents, and then our eyes locked. It was as if the rest of the world melted away and it was only the two of us in the room.

I felt something unlike anything else I'd ever felt, and that's when I knew, I had an immediate crush on the Christian girl from 222. Maybe it was fate, you know, with the angel numbers and all. I searched it up later that night, 222: a message of hope, basically saying to trust that everything is working out exactly as it's supposed to.

That same day a very rare surge of confidence made me introduce myself to her, and thank God it did.

"Hey, I'm Y/n." I smiled nervously, fiddling with a crease in my trousers.

The dirty blonde spun around to face me, a teddy bear held in her arms, "Oh, hi. I'm Kate." She returned the smile. She looks down at the teddy clutched in her hands, her face turning red before chucking it onto her bed.

We soon became each other's first friends at Blackwell, and I couldn't have been happier. We talked about anything and everything, laughed until our stomachs hurt and spent every free moment together.

Though in good there will forever be bad, and it killed me to watch it unfold onto poor Kate.

The student next door in 221 gave her a hard time from the beginning. Victoria Chase, member of Blackwell's elitist club, member of the student body, and Blackwell's biggest bitch. As much as I remind Kate how badly Victoria has treated her, Kate being her forgiving self constantly lets it go as if it were nothing, telling me 'she may have had a bad day' or 'I'd rather accept and move on than hate'.

But, recently it'd gotten worse, she wasn't sleeping, she wasn't eating properly, only leaving her room for school and the occasional lunch. It's been plaguing my mind for the past few days, so I simply sit at my desk, not really looking at anything, just thinking of ways I could cope with watching the woman I love slowly break down.

It's early in the morning, early enough to hear Kate's violin through the halls, but the usual Mozart piece had been brought to silence as of late. I stand up from my desk and walk over to my door, quickly checking my appearance in the mirror before making my way to Kate's room.

I raise my hand in a fist and lightly knock a rhythm on the wooden door, a mumbled, "It's open." spoke in return.

I slowly walk into the room and I'm met with a tired Kate sitting on the edge of her bed. She was in her usual attire, skirt, blouse, cardigan, etcetera. The room is dark and messy, which is very unlike the hazel-eyed girl.

"Good morning, Kate." I greet her, a small smile on my face in hope to lighten her mood.

She glances up at me, giving me a more clear view of the heavy bags under her eyes, "Good morning, Y/n."

"Did you sleep well?" I question timidly, fearing the slightest hint of her behaviour could be the downfall of our friendship.

She doesn't answer, only giving me a sigh and letting her shoulders deflate, on hand playing with the cross on her chest. I wonder if she's even slept, it sure doesn't look like it. She's always been one to follow a strict sleep schedule, seeing her like this is almost like unknown grounds.

"Kate, you've been awfully quiet recently," I murmur, eyebrows softly furrowed in worry.

She looks up at me, a small smile on her face, "I'm just tired, that's all."

I can tell she's lying, mainly because she's no good at it. I thought we'd promised to tell each other everything, I wouldn't be mad if she didn't feel comfortable telling me anything but it leaves me to believe I haven't assured her enough. Something's up, I don't need to know what exactly is up but as long as Kate is happy by the end of the day, that is all that matters to me.

I sit down next to her on her bed, letting my hands fall on my lap "You know you can tell me anything, right?" I persist, my worry turning into concern.

She bites her lip as if debating whether or not to tell me, before finally admitting, "It's been a bit of a rough week."

"What do you mean by 'rough'?"

We spend the rest of the time we had before first period talking about the incident, I was heartbroken, to say the least. Listening to the poor girl try to recover memories from the night of the party, finally understanding the looks from across the classroom, the whispers in the hallway, and the snide comments passed throughout the dormitories. I'd been wondering why Stella and Alyssa had strayed away from the girl, but you'd think someone's friends would stick with them.

By the end of the day, I'd returned to Kate's room and held her while she sobbed in my arms. Telling her everything will be fine when in reality, she's going through a nightmare that she can't escape, that'll stay with her for months, years, hell maybe even the rest of her life.

Once she'd calmed down she'd dry her eyes, and take my hands into hers, flushing my face red, then thanking me for being there. This became her new routine, a schedule to follow, and it's set to ruin her life.

Days go by and nothing's changed, clearly, this will be something going down in the Blackwell class of 14' history book, and it disgusts me.

I care about her too much to see her go through this, I have to help her.

I stroll out of my science lesson, Brooke by my side as we discuss some project we'd been given to work on until our conversation is stopped by some ruckus down the hall. We turn to each other with curious expressions, and then make our way to the small noise.

The both of us immediately stop in our tracks to take in the sight before us, not too much of a crowd had gathered, thankfully, but I can tell f it continued it would only escalate.

Textbooks and folders fallen onto the floor, Logan walking away from a defenceless Kate, laughing with his douchey friends. I leave Brooke's side to help the Christian girl with her belongings, however, when I thought that'd be the end of Kate's unfortunate daily harassment, Victoria and her minions make their entrance whilst I'm trying to sort all of Kate's things into her locker. They lock on to their prey and immediately attack. Picking on every minor insecurity they could possibly identify in the girl and tearing her to shreds.

Victoria and her friends are relentless, they won't stop until Kate's broken.

"Hey Jesus slut, planning on going wild again next week?" Taylor spit.

"Yeah, you sure knew your way around those guys' throats." Courtney follows her slightly taller friend's lead, giving Victoria the perfect moment to enter.

"Who would've thought little Christian whore Kate spends her spare time getting frea-"

I stop the blonde mid-sentence before she can dig too deep, "Just leave it, Victoria." I mumble, a poor attempt to get the trio to stop.

She scoffs, a raised eyebrow in disbelief, "And who are you again? Kate's guardian angel? Not like she'd be so worthy of one." A smirk plasters her face, a hand firmly placed on her hip.

"It doesn't matter who I am, just leave her alone." I try.

But it's no use, they won't stop until Kate's hurt worse than she already is. Eventually, I can't take it no longer, "What the fuck is up with you? You've treated her like dirt ever since you laid eyes on her, what could she have possibly done to you? She's the single most amazing person you'll ever meet, yet you never took the time to learn that, you were too busy trying to figure out what'll hurt her the most." I roar, anger fuelling my words.

"She's the purest person ever, and you're picking off a stupid accident that was forced on her." By now a crowd had formed to watch Victoria finally be put in her place.

"Maybe if you weren't such a bitch all the time, you'd see what there is to love about her. But you choose to take out your own insecurities on her. Do you not see what you've done to her, you've made her friends fucking leave her, you've made her family look at her in a completely different way, and you've made people who love her watch her suffer. And, please, let me tell you, watching someone you love's life simply waste away sucks, you know?" Victoria stays silent, and so does the rest of the school. Before I know it, I realised what I'd done. Not only had I just lashed out at someone who could kick me out of the school within a heartbeat, but I'd just admitted I love Kate. I internally hope they think I meant it in a friendly way... Who am I kidding? I'm fucked.

I leave the school grounds into the pouring rain, clothes getting soaked in the Arcadia Bay weather. Kate attempts to keep up with my wide strides down the street, trying to grab my attention with her words.

It takes her snatching my hand into her own and tugging me back to finally gather my focus. She stays silent, just looking at my face, my clenched jaw and furrowed eyebrows giving her enough information on how I was feeling. The two of us stand there, hair sticking to our clothes and clothes sticking to our skin.

After what seems like an eternity, Kate finally speaks up, "Do you really?"

I don't answer for a short while, mentally debating whether or not I should admit it. Clearly, I was taking too long because Kate, yet again, speaks up.

"Y/n, do you mean it?" She asks softly, an unsure expression planted on her face.

I nod, unable to form the right words. I watch her face change from worry to ecstatic, her hand softly squeezing my hand tighter. We stay like that for a while, rain still whipping at our faces, the both of us waiting for the other to say something.

"I love you, Y/n." She smiles with bliss.

I don't respond only looking down at my shoes to hide the shit-eating grin on my face, plus, I don't think I could look her in the eye without getting overwhelmed.

My eyes remain facing the ground, "I love you too, Kate." I speak quietly, I'm sure the girl almost didn't hear the confession over the thunder in the sky. "And I guess everybody knows now." I joke with a humourless laugh. Kate places her palm on my cheek making me look up at her into the beautiful hazel eyes I've grown to know and love.

She leans in, pressing her lips against mine in a soft and gentle kiss. The both of us stand there, just holding each other, enjoying the moment we've been waiting for. I don't know what the future holds, but I know that I'll be by her side, through thick and thin.

#life is strange #lis #Kate marsh #kate marsh x reader #kate marsh x gn!reader #brooke scott #logan robertson #victoria chase #taylor christensen #courtney wagner #stella hill #alyssa anderson #life is strange x reader

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kimyoonmiauthor · 2 years

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Barnes and Nobles Report 2022

Every year for over 20 years save last year, I go to the major chain bookstores and write up a report measuring a few metrics at a time. It’s mainly for my own education, but I started sharing it with people for the last few years. This shouldn’t be in lieu of your own exploration since yours might have a different focus.

My metrics I’ve built over the years is measuring the number of bookshelves per genre/category, who gets shelved, and figuring out the psychology of why, how the books get shelved, and lastly I also look at trends in covers to see if there are any covers I can mock for distorting clothes, women, etc.

Since Walden and other major chain bookstores, closed, I’m left with Barnes and Nobles. This is that report.

Today is May 15, 2022, celebrating when NYC finally ratified the pay transparency law. So I decided to go to the bookstore at a busy time.

Population of this bookstore is majority White, then Latine, Asian and then black. I chose a busier time in order to assess if the population numbers are consistent. There were far more people than in 2020 or 2019.

Overview of Diversity: The amount of racial diversity has improved in the bookstore significantly, mainly around black voices, though they still aren’t catering to the Latine PoC majority.

For example, when I entered, it wasn’t OMG, Black Lives Matter afterthought of 2019 and 2020. It was, black voices throughout the store. This pleased me greatly. The first shelves had a lot of different books.

When I went to the nonfiction sections, I found that the Art History section had been thoughtfully overhauled. A collection of black, Asian, Latine voices were there as supposed to the previously only white and maybe a sprinkling of the others.

I was mildly shocked to see their cookbook section had actual own voices and the end caps actually had various authors, not just white cishet males.

That said, there are a few weak sections which I don’t think is down to Barnes and Noble *only*. The Travel section, for example, has no authors listed so it’s hard to know if the authors of said books at a glance are own voices. I usually manhandle the books in more detail, but covid, so less of that. Lonely Planet, as standard practice doesn’t list the authors on the spine, for example and the majority of the books are from travel companies.

I usually assess the health of the diversity in the bookstore off of the Historical Fiction section--don’t get me wrong, I grew up reading Victoria Holt, Jean Plaidy, and have a love of Historical Fiction, but when it comes to diversity, it usually fails. It’s always White European. This makes it the weakest of the sections. This was folded, however, into other sections, such as “Romance” Where I saw Victoria Holt. Or the ever-expanding encompassing Fiction section. The Fiction section has a mix of general fiction, plus others, but this time less repeats than before.

Since it is May, I thought they might push more Asian and PI books, but as in years past, they had one section for that and that’s it. Kinda understandable. At least there are more Asian authors throughout the bookstore, and some PI.

My fellow disabled authors out there won’t find it surprising that their books are hidden. I know, it’s bleak. B&N has never been really that great about such things.

LGBT is more evenly distributed than in previous years. So I’m pleased. They haven’t really upgraded to LGBTQIA as an acronym. LGBTQ, yes. LGBTQIA, no. May change for June.

The Classics section makes you want to cry every time. So it wasn’t a surprise. I always end up cursing and then passersby look at me like “What, why do you have a camera while cursing?”

Romance section--It was a challenge for me to not curse. Got better, but really? At least the covers don’t have contorting women all over the place, but sooo white. I thought I’d see Jeanne Lin or some of the other PoC authors. And maybe some LGBT romance, which to their credit is a display table, but *cries in corner* My relationship with the romance section has always been dicey, because I love the genre deeply, but it’s rarely ever had my face. Rather, they pushed most of the PoC romance to the General Fiction section. That’s where you find Crazy Rich Asians. I was kinda surprised that the Romance section had shrunk so much, since it’s usually a mainstay.

The section that really made me grumble though is the Science Fiction and Fantasy--they did separate them again, which says good things, but then scanning quickly the majority of the authors were white and looking through amazon, there doesn’t seem to be a good excuse for that. I don’t understand. Stab me in the heart, why don’t you. Amazon is pushing Chinese Fantasy hard on their website, but Barnes and Nobles is acting like it doesn’t exist. Also, kinda shocked at some of the shelving choices like Marion Zimmer Bradley, who went down in flames for her scandal.

YA is evenly shelved with the other genres (save for Historical Fiction) But has far more visible representation still. It’s like smack you over the head--you see it everywhere and it makes you wonder what’s wrong with the adults.

I got more of a sense of integration, which I really liked. It’s getting closer to an answer to a question, rather than Diversity? Does it exist? And if I were to ignore all of the people here and treat it as an archaeological project, I would think that PoC people and LGBT people never fall in love, except maybe occasionally. Also no Historical Fiction. Additional Notes about Specific Authors:

- Xiran Jay Zhao’s book sold out except for one copy at this Barnes and Noble.

- Why was Princess Bride shelved? I’ve never seen it shelved in my life and I looked it up and there was no clear reason why it was shelved.

- I was prepared for Sara Maas to be shelved, because Amazon pushed Sara Maas hard.

- Marion Zimmer Bradley had a scandal, so I was kinda surprised they shelved her works.

- NK Jemisin was missing--I couldn’t clearly see her work.

- I was surprised not to see Michelle West anywhere.

- Octavia Butler has yet another round of covers different from two years ago, but is being shelved. There is an upcoming Parable of the Sower TV series, so she was double shelved.

- There’s more diversity on the display tables than on the physical book shelves. This was quite stark with Fantasy, Science Fiction, and Romance. - The genres that were shelved, were Horror/Thriller (Combined)

Mystery

Science Fiction

Fantasy

Romance

And then it was split into YA and Fiction. Fiction was a catch all for some of the Romance (mostly PoC--I couldn’t understand why Crazy Rich Asians was in the general fiction section.), General Fiction, Historical Fiction, etc was placed in there.

Classics.

The YA section had subsections to it.

Manhua and Manga and Manhwa were mixed together, but graphic Novels were separate. I kinda object to Manhua being called Manga... and Manhwa as Manga... I rather they had a more general name, like say, “East Asian Comics” or “International Comics” or some such. I didn’t see some of the “How to draw manga” books from white dudes I usually see in that section.

They did rearrange the bookstore, so that each section of genre was its own nook. This allowed for more customer interaction overall.

Discovery

I’m 50/50 on the sense of discovery. They eliminated James Patterson and Stephen King Bookshelves, which irked me to no end originally hey used to have 5 copies of each of their books across 4 bookshelves--that’s gone and I’m not sorry, though you still can find them. They put US History (which starts out with US presidents, but really? They’ve pushed most of the PoC stuff to the “Social Sciences” section, though there are bits next to the white, white presidents that have some PoCs, but it’s not really listed.

Discovery has improved, but it doesn’t have the sense like you found this rare book. Granted, it’s different from the online books being promoted left and right, but that feeling of discovering a secret gem only you have, I didn’t see as much of.

Despite this, there was more thought put into the end caps and display tables. There were more, “Oh, look, unique subject” type of caps, which is a vast improvement over the last 20 years of going to B&N. So that was an upgrade.

With a reduction of repeat books overall, this meant more books were shelved, and no particular author came out on top as being repeat on every single last table. There was also less of the feeling of everything online is being repeated for the bookstore, which surprised me since they pretty much did that for the early 2000′s to 2020 (which was absent before the internet--they occasionally shelved non-best sellers, international books, etc).

I think the Historical Fiction writers are going to cry at the shelving. I remember they used to dedicate several shelves to it, but it’s mixed in with the general fiction or other areas.

Yeah, so, getting there, but not quite there. Watch it, I’m going to cry going to the independent bookstore.

Covers

The covers across the store improved quite a bit. Not only were there PoCs clearly on the covers, especially improved in the cookbook section, with clear own voices work, but I didn’t see any distorted women at all (OK, graphic novels somewhat, but overall, the covers didn’t have terrible rep.)

I was expecting to find that one lone cover of a scantily clad woman in the Romance section contorting such that I felt my lower back hurt looking at it, but not a single one. Even the Historical sold-to-be trashy Romance didn’t have such a thing. Count me as really surprised. That said, most of the covers didn’t catch my eye graphically or stand out. There were one or two that kept catching me over and over as very different, but I couldn’t find any that were that clever that I just stared at it forever and ever, trying to figure it out. I suppose I’ve gotten more discerning over the years. Ya know, the graphic designer aspects.

I admit I was rather pleased that the blended in Women’s fiction didn’t have those paper cut out figures that look like 70′s Barbie went on a extreme diet and had her organs removed. Those covers were almost all gone. There was a cover mocking it, by having a fat black protagonist on the cover, which caught my eye. I thought that was clever. (Thumbs up to the cover designer). But the Women’s fiction section being collapsed also made it harder to navigate and look specifically for those trends.

I make it no secret that I tend to like covers that tell a good story, much like argued by Chip Kidd tried to argue for. I suppose the pictures can help you see how awash it was and hard to pick out a particular cover. The Graphic Designer in me loves daring covers.

tldr;

WTF happened to the Historical Fiction section? Romance shrunk but still sooo white, better diversity, no visible disability rep, better racial integration, better discovery, more people in the store, cookbook section improved, no author came out on top. WHY is Adult Science Fiction and Fantasy section so privileged? No excuse for Barnes and Noble. Yes, I did spot there was more, but still feels white. Book covers have improved in terms of rep overall as well. No more contorting women in impossible poses, dressed conditions, for me to ridicule.

Took B&N over 10 years to catch up to the social movement started in 2009.

I’m kinda glad I chose to write Historical Fantasy instead, given this market. How do you stand out, when your bookstore section is gone and you’re in general fiction?

Oh and some people aren’t masked at the bookstore despite a spike in covid cases as of late... and yes, I am masked.

#B&N #barnes and nobels books #Bookstore report #2022 #Writing Advice

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devilgate · 6 months

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White Riot by Joe Thomas (Books 2023, 21) 📚

I picked this up because of the title, taken as it obviously is from an early song by my favourite band. I bought it because it is set in and around the famous anti-Nazi festival in Victoria Park in London. Or at least it starts there.

Though that’s not quite true. It starts even closer to home for me: my kids' primary school is mentioned early on, and many other streets, pubs, takeaways and landmarks that still exist are visited.

Joe Thomas was born in 1977, so he’s doing this from research, not memory, but it captures the area very well, and the time — well, from what I know of those times in London, I think he’s done a great job.

It’s not mainly about the music scene, though. Thomas is a crime writer, and this is, kind of, a crime novel. And becomes more so as it goes on, and jumps to 1983. As you might imagine, given the notoriety of Stoke Newington Police Station of the time, it’s about bent coppers. And one more-or-less decent cop who is — we think — trying to bring them down.

I say ‘We think’, because it’s not finished. It turns out it’s the start of a trilogy, with Red Menace and True Blue to follow. This one was only published this year, so I guess it’ll be a while before we see the followups.

It’s all pretty good. It uses a slightly odd, cut-up sort of style: half sentences, fragments ending in dashes. But it’s very readable. As I say, I was drawn to it by the music and the locations, but I enjoyed spending time with the characters, and the situation is compelling. Real life events are stitched into fictional ones (or vice-versa).

Unsurprisingly, then, it’s a very political book. And surprisingly Thatcher turns up as a character. I’m not sure why Thomas choose to do that. Maybe since most of the characters are on the left, it was to provide some sort of balance. Why not go as far up and right as possible, I suppose. I don’t mean Thatcher is the furthest-right person in it, to be fair: the National Front are heavily involved, too.

The main police character is running ‘spycops’, and has operatives inside both the NF and the loose coalition of groups that oppose them (the Anti-Nazi League, Rock Against Racism, the Socialist Workers' Party). I expect as the series goes on we’ll see some version of the scandals around that whole business, too.

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auntnancy888 · 2 years

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2 of Diamonds

‘We met some time in the early 1990s, as classmates. I decided to go to community college—mainly to get out the house, escape housewifing/mothering for a spell. ‘Sure, I love my family. But I didn’t love the melancholy, morose, malaise… is there another word to describe how I felt (most oft) as a stay-at-home mom?

‘Just to think… that was the life I wrote down in a journal—my ideal dream life: wife, two kids, stay-at-home—ex-hubby fulfilled those items, yet…again, miserable. I can write more on the why of that per my deductions, however, this blog ‘ll turn in to an excerpt from my memoir. Him…ex-husband. When this blog is to focus on an ex-friend, and the dissolution of that friendship.

For story’s sake, we’ll refer to him as Devin. In fact, most of the names will be changed herein.

We became fast-friends due to easy discourse, bubbly banter! Till, till, till… that easy discourse devolved to hard disses coursing through our dialogue; well, ‘hard’ per my recollection. Hard on the feelings. No hard-feelings? Humph! Well, it wasn’t then, now? Oddly, today? I do feel some kind of way…how we ended: needless caustic-catty feral foggy uckiness!

Devin, I really cared about you. Loved you.

For you? not sure when you lost the love…

For me? Soon as the senseless surlies were slung my way!

Huh?

We’d speak up to four to five times a day, every day.

We had fun in class…

I recall us walking to the bus stop one day, a nice day too, and you told me about your sexual

orientation. I gently replied “I know.”

You looked at me wide-eyed like “How do you know? Did Vera tell you?”

I calmly answered “No. I’m looking at you.”

It wouldn’t be till I met Bubby when it dawned on me that there’s some g a y people that may not be aware that they appear that way, aesthetically.

‘Something else you shared with me later on… but over the phone, something that made me cry, reflexively, instantly! ☹

Why? I cared about you.

You took umbrage to those tears!

Made a scathing remark! Said “Why are you crying, it’s not like I _____in your food!” singed in surly-salt!

My tears dried up, quick!

Silly me, apologized for being emotional.

Vowed to nvr cry over you again!

I digress.

Back to happier times:

Our friendship only bonded closer when you felt I accepted you, knowing.

As an eccentric being, I know all too well what it feels like not to be accepted, or worse: mistreated, for

being who you are. So, compassion is my usual way of being, in this context.

Again, we often chatted on the phone, again, fun conversations. ‘Really enjoyed your sassy twang,

insightful feedback on some issues. I too offered my feedback. We both held a great sense of humor.

You visited me… don’t recall if I visited you in the 1990s… pardon mi memory there.

But we had the music cipher at my place once, pot-luck… it was fun. We were preparing for the

Final project for music class. Remember when Victoria kissed you after y’all sung y’all duet?

Lol… your facial expression then… ‘Suppose there were some girls that couldn’t discern that you are…

you know. We told you she liked you. You didn’t believe us. Lol…

Oh, you used to sing! Sing so well. Do u still sing today?

Yes, I still love Astro-logic. 😉

I moved outta New York in February 1997.

We’d speak here & there over the phone while I lived in another state, but not as much as we did

when I lived in Queens, like you did. We didn’t lose contact, yet the bond had loosened—naturally, a

natural drift, no rift.

Christmastime 1997, we moved back to Queens!

After New Year’s, we reconnected. You yelped “Yayy! Let’s do drinks!”

And just like that: Our palship had set a sail, anew!

The frequency of our calls picked back up!

We shared nearly everything with each other. True, you had your other friends, I had mine—soon…

I met yours’ and you met mine. If nada else, the highpoint of our friendship was my meeting Nyh and

you meeting Bobbi and Kyle.

Sometimes, whom we don’t like can merge us to some people we do like. Human bridges… and boy, did

I pay the toll. Till this day, not sure what exactly I did to any of you to earn such maltreatment..? sigh…

Let me keep the focus on who? You! Herein.

It was in Maroons, that tasty restaurant, where you invited me to meet up with y’all; that I was going to

meet your friends: Khadjah and Keith.

I walked there from eighty-sixth street—think Maroons’ was on sixteenth street. I know it was quite the

trek from eighty-sixth street. This is back when I was walking nearly everywhere I went. I couldn’t trek

such today! Lol…

But got there, sweaty.

You were like “Gurl, what happened to you?”

Lol…

I responded “Do I look that bad? I wanted to get some shoes from uptown, decided to walk here in

stead of getting back on the train.”

“Gurl, I want you to meet my friends, I hope they don’t read you. This is a nice restaurant,” you

explained.

I shrugged and found me a seat. I was pooped! All that walking!

I frankly didn’t have the energy left to gaf.

I smelled my underarms, no odor—not all perspiration equates to funk. ‘Especially when the deodorant

is good. However, thought I’d find the bathroom to freshen-up anyway.

First I met Khadja… he arrived before Keith did.

Enchanting, engaging…

You two were trying to forewarn me about Keith—citing he’s cantankerous, et cetera.

Because he’s a Libra, I found that hard to believe.

That sign rules grace and diplomacy.

You hushed Khadja from trying to continually prep me for Mr. Surly’s arrival. Told Khadja “Hush, let him

learn her!”

And boy, did he! Lol… ugh… smh…

I digress.

By 1999 into the 2000s…

We clubbed, smoked, had a ball!

Met each other’s family.

Really grew closer.

Y’all put me on to watching Sex and the City; said I was Carrie, you, Charlotte, Khadja = Miranda, and

Keith = Samantha.

Again, fun times.

Then… you became snippy, and snarly over the phone—at times, in person, too.

I was confused.

Thought to just steer clear, I’m not given to crowding a person no how. Not my comfort-zone.

Figured we’d speak on tha horn whenever we speak on tha horn. Cool.

We’d vacillate between normality in friendliness to nasty & unfriendly…again, per my recollection.

My astromind dismissed [it] to the neurosis I’ve read about the mercurial Gemini. Yet…again, perplexing.

Again, I was grateful that I do d i s t a n c e well; moved on with my b.i.

The caustic catty kernels tossed were tallying up quite the nest in my diary—in the moment, one is just set to get through it—the moment. But in hindsight, on one of those bored weekends when you decide to peruse an old diary… to read all those minced-moments of a painfully petty past…in a condensed little book. Yikes!

‘Not just yours issued, but others too… but you…You? You were really something special in my heart.

I really felt bad when our friendship deteriorated. The others? Usually, relieved. Lol…

All the catty kernels aside… there’s a couple of boulders, bitter baffling Boulders! When I knew the friendship has sailed its last petty port-of-call.

*When I defended my sister, her puzzling issue with Khadja: what he used to pay her, versus what later/latterly paid her. [And then his sending someone else to her to get his head done at an even lower rate…than she voiced. Huh?? It’s near thief-of-service.]

She was only seventeen then and met y’all (grown, in your twenties) through me; thus, she thought it logical to tell me about it; she asked me to see if I could find out… and bring some clarity to the mirely-miserly matter.

When we were on that three-way call, I thought you’d mediate, not snap, Snarl, and help (as if he needed the heckling help there) Khadja defend his sudden (without foretelling her) conservative slant in compensating his hair getting braided by her.

I recall why I recommended him to my sister, he was telling us how the prices went up in the African

shop he went to. So, like then, now again, I repeat: I should have never recommended my sister in that

context. Early on, he made it clear, he didn’t want to pay at a certain rate. Though, her’s was still far less

than what he said the Afrikans wanted. I digress. I’m not in anyone’s pockets.

That wasn’t the issue. The issue was HOW you two were going-IN on how she’s old enough to defend

herself!

I reminded she’s 17, not even legal age to legally buy liquor.

You two shot back “But she drinks!”

It got ugly!

Y’all kept snarling “If she’s old enough to smoke, drink and fu*k, she’s old enough to defend herself!”

You two really took umbrage to my defending my sister—as if that’s the most strangest stance on the

planet!

And the way u spoke of my sister… as if she’s wronged you somehow…by being perplexed that the

payment went from $25. to $20. Without warning. Or at the very least, vocally announce the price

change BEFORE she does the work/braid the hair, to see if she’d be okay with the sudden fee-reduction.

To take someone for granted like that…why? Cause they were a teenager? Idk. It’s awful.

And to add insult to injury… u took umbrage when I politely inquired about such. Why wouldn’t I?

e.g.: You have a younger brother. Had I commissioned him to do a service for me, paid him one rate in

the beginning…then after a while—without warning, reduced-the-rate. He may be taken aback by that

too. And let you know!

Am I to say “No, let Sha call me himself to protest the matter, he’s seventeen, that’s grown enough!”

Huh?

Warped!

My sister may have forgotten about that by now. Why? She likely cares about you about as much as you

care about her, or me. Yet… I cared about you. I know, regrets… regrets in how we dispense luv.

A semi-boulder:

You had two gal-pals come up to visit you from Philly, I think… One was on your floor in your room, Keith

came in, then came to me to make a disparaging remark of her… You were pissed! The way you

marched in to his room to scold him! At first, I was impressed, you defended her—admonished him for

disparaging a woman, unprovoked. That she didn’t deserve that, etc.

Then, I thought… wait, when Keith disparaged me, you told me that I was grown (she, your friend from

Philly was grown too) and can handle Keith, that it’s not your job to defend me.

No, it’s not… not a job. It’s basic compassion, when you invite one friend to be around you, when that

means also being around him.

Another ex-homie told me (back then) “I think Devin low-key is entertained when you and Keith go at It!

Maybe he wasn’t bemused at him disparaging his friend from Philly.” Paraphrased.

That ex-homie may have had a point there…in the psych 101 sense.

And when Ian called you… that time he moved out, to Jersey, I think, and you were trying to sooth him

about Keith by saying “Look at Nancy, she’s unbothered by him. And he Gives It to her!”

Huh?

“Whatever he Gives I don’t Receive! C.O.D. Cast Out the Demons!” something to that seething-sassy retort I

yelled in your phone’s receiver in that moment.

But also in that moment…it was clear…what the other ex-homie said may have held a lot of truth. Why

defend me to Mr. Cantankerous if that meant the ‘entertainment’ would cease?

Sigh.

In no particular order, but Boulder #3:

We were in The Hamptons, one of Ike’s events.

I met someone else that’s in to astrology… gosh, how astrologers like meeting each other at non-astro-

events, it is quite the high! Hard to explain if you’re not an Astro-head yourself.

But we were on the sofa, talking… and you kept coming over to me to ask me to get in the hot-tub

with you.

I’d answer okay, but soon as my conversation is over.

You’d walk away… to only return in a couple of minutes to re-ask…about the hot tub accompaniment.

I was at a loss.

Finally, I got up walked out the back door with you, I says “what has gotten in to you?”

I knew the urgency couldn’t have been about a hot tub buddy.

You came clean, you pointed out a nice-looking dark-skinned lad, dreds… I looked his way, then looked

back at you like…expound, please…

You did. “He’s being nice to you.” You frowned, then closed with “I don’t like that.”

Silly me, reflexively resorted to logic. I looked back over at the kind dred, then looked at you to voice “I

assure you, I’m not his type.”

You emoted a little frustration and chirped “Girl, I know that! I know where we are! Just get in the hot

tub with me,” you stated then repeated in closing.

“After I finish my Astro-convo.” I repeated.

I shrugged and walked back over the sofa.

After that Astro-convo was over, we did chill in tha hot tub a bit… but I forgot to ask you to expound on

that puzzling statement (I had too much wine, perhaps); you didn’t bring it or him back up.

But once back home, on the phone, you refused to expound…

…again, it was weird.

Bubby and I discussed it back then… even she was like “Wait a minute, does he like it when people

aren’t nice to you—like Keith. But didn’t like it when that dred was?”

Anyone I requested feedback from on it were perplexed too.

There’s likely petty-pebbles in the interim…

But the final boulder…

When you saw Bubby in Brooklyn.

A moment I wasn’t there for and had nada to do with!

So, why tell me at all?

Oh, you met her through me—that’s why.

Like my sister met y’all through me.

See.

Sigh…

On that morning walk to Lu’s house, you said you saw Bubby & she ice-grilled you, as you tried to speak

to her, friendly.

It was perplexing…

Like it was perplexing for me how Keith treated me or worse, you being okay with that, yet frowny-

disappointed when the kind dred was…well, kind to me. Maybe, he’s an angel.

Back to the Bubby-Bump-into-in-BK encounter circa, what? 2009?

…you then unloaded ALL of That on me to close with: “don’t tell her. If she asks you about it, fine, but

don’t tell her.”

As the elders used to say “If you can’t hold water, why ask someone else to hold it for you?”

Or as Bubby told Sha’reen “You don’t regulate who I talk to!”

I’d never get the logic of adults dictating to adults how/who to talk to.

1st Amendment, much?

I digress.

But to my credit, I didn’t tell her—not outright.

By the next time we spoke on the phone, the odd silence… pregnant p a u s e, she came out and asked

“Dev called you, huh?”

Compassion, I felt bad… that she made you feel bad (with that ice-grill/mean mug). I was as perplexed as

who? You!

Any feedback offered was only to hopefully ameliorate. Maybe it did, you two are fb-friends.

And I’ve never mean-mugged you. I never initiated any hostilities with you, any of you.

From what u shared, Sonia treated u worse! Yet, u respected her, best. Sigh…

Not saying you shouldn’t, but hi-lighting u did… searching for the balance beams of fairness; that’s all.

Then…there was your b-day party in Brooklyn. The one that Keith told me about the day of…really,

like…the evening of.

There was no way I could make it on such short notice.

And… math: not for nothing, how you treated me on the latter-leg of our ourness, I didn’t think I’d be

missed—there.

Yet, you were peeved by my absence!

I explained and explained, yet… well, you know.

Sigh…

Honorable/Dishonorable Mention:

...Khadja got snippy at me cause I asked about snow in London? Huh? Was ‘that’ really a snip-worthy

inquiry? Sigh… circa 2010.

Perhaps that was in defense of you. Idk.

What I did know? I fb-unfriended him. Didn’t think he’d notice.

He noticed.

That Leo sent me a fb-friend request, not too long thereafter, I stared at it… for psych101 sake’s I

pressed ‘confirm’… I knew it!

He liked a Minnie Riperton post of mine, even made a comment of his love Ms. Minnie… then unfriended me. Lol… I knew it! So glad I study Astro-logic! Pure Leo! 😊

Sheesh, again, y’all treated me as if I treated y’all How Sonia did!

And in all fairness to her logic, I’m sure she’d say she had a good reason.

Sigh…

Anyhoo, for some reason you came to mind today; thought I’d vent via this blog.

Pardon all typos.

Peace and Luv.

By,

Nan

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